#god this week has been exhausting
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If you ask me how has been this week without watching miraculous I'll scream at you
Pls leave me alone
#it's been hell#me avoiding spoilers is like#insert a meme#i can't think#today a friend (that's busy with uni) sent mr a voice message and I was like#'oh we are going to talk about elation now because we haven't talked about it'#and in the middle of the audio she goes 'AND EMOTION???'#I have never pressed stop so fast in my life#she nearly gave me a panic attack#*blocked*#jk#i told her that i didn't finish the audio because yes#I deleted every other social media#i've blocked every single miraculous fan page on ig and now is full of red pandas#(I'm a makeup artist I have to use ig)#god this week has been exhausting#i don't want to know anything about this series#but then I remember elation and everything fades away#wake me up when Kwami's choice comes out#miraculous ladybug
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Four realms. Four eras. One story.
I miss these guys 🥀♥️ This season made me so emotional
#im very attached to my moth season#if you couldn’t tell#oh my god i havent posted art in a minute#sorryyyy my laptop was dead for like a week and work has been exhausting#this traditional + digital style was fun tho#sky cotl#sky cotl fanart#sky children of the light#skyblr#thatskygame#mine#my art#season of aurora#running wayfarer#mindful miner#warrior of love#seed of hope
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"do you think god stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he created" except it's the qsmp admins realizing players including but not limited to forever, pierre, tazercraft, cellbit, phil, fit, bad, and etoiles are able and completely willing to break the server for reasons such as "to gamble more", or simply because it's funny
#qsmp#pierre crashed the server so they could gamble#fit could absolutely crash the server to gamble#etoiles is so cracked they had to spawn enough mobs to lag the server to pose a threat to him#phil has chayanne in pieces simply bc it's funny#bad would break the server to gamble and he is at the moment functionally immortal (22 totem pop tom over here)#tazercraft caught cucurucho in his chayanne pajamas breaking back into the nether and also shredded a federation build with a fucking drill#cellbit cracked their arg in like a week and may at this point have a more comprehensive lore document than the admin team lmfao#forever has been nerfed at LEAST twice and that's absolutely not gonna be the end of it#this is not an exhaustive list. god help the qsmp admin team.#shut up vic#block game brainrot
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Brb gotta just yell into the void
#GOD IM JUST#so both Q and I were under the impression we would be getting help fixing the place#almost a full week later#it’s basically just been me his elderly grandma and him when hes not working#which is very little time since he’s full time#I have been working on this place from basically sunrise to sunset#doing what I can to make it clean and repaint#but I can’t do most repairs#mainly what the bathroom needs#but today#ooooooo today#Q’s parents are getting on our nerves man#we’ve been trying to explain that the bathroom is not functional in it’s current state#and instead of Q’s father#the landlord of this place who decided keeping it while living two and a half hours away was a smart idea#helping to fix said bathroom#says he’d rather work on the living room floor which is the lowest priority#and when we expressed this to them#his mother goes#if you don’t like it you can go live somewhere else#EXCUSE ME#I have literally been spending all the time I can trying to fix up YOUR place for you two#to the point where I am now coming down with a cold and my lowing back is killing me#where Q is sacrificing every free moment he has trying to do what he can while working a full time job#and THIS is the thanks we get???????#what the hell#anyway they’re coming tomorrow but Q has work so I am going to cry#I am so exhausted and stressed if they pull some shit I might just do something I shouldn’t#I want this to be over#the second were able to afford a house we’re getting the hell out of here
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youtube
can we give a big shoutout for today where the gas station attendant social link au was born and everything in my life has been nothing but tunnel vision for my baby who is currently attending preschool ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️
#kommento#gsa sl au#// i am so exhausted this whole week i havent been able to write proper comments for this LMAO#// this is a special day where it was 2020 and some trash media was going to etch itself into my heart and i would learn to love it forever#// this is where the most important fictional friendship to me was born and does nothing but grow and evolve alongside me#// this whole passion project has helped me learn more about myself as i see my reflection in the other. or something#// and i have to say im just so utterly grateful for that and the journey we've been on#// that from that day henceforth i think of the friendship of a masquerading god and a sad lonely human and how much they love each other#// that they both learn how to be human and grow from each other's influences#// call me crazy but this silly stage play is so important to me . im glad it got me to where i am now#Youtube
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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how to feel excited about my own projects again
#writeblr#i need more passion more passion more energy more energy#no but fr#i'm motivated for half an hour every three months#and then i fall back into this passionless state#it's been three years like at some point creativity and motivation have to return?#why not now?#i have four more weeks of no uni#but i'd rather scroll through instagram reels than write?#(i tried the no social media route it didn't help)#it's just with 5 senses i have no clue what should happen in that fourth arc#taoki is too difficult to write#itlot feels meh#and project 4 is nice but also a bit meh#everything feels a bit meh#then i think maybe i am not made for big projects#maybe reading and writing defined a big part of my life but the phase has ended#maybe it will return when i am sixty#and i should try a different hobby then#and sure i can go 'but every word is progress' but that's just fucking exhausting#i could write 5k a day some years ago and feel good about it and now every sentence feels like i am sacrificing my liver#and that's not a fun feeling#and if writing is supposed to be a fun hobby but writing feels like a god's punishment then why am i even doing it you know#maybe i just miss community and stuff. maybe i just need some positive social reinforcement#but guess what i need to do to get that#exactly.#rant#rie rambles#or smth
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i started my new job right before our fiscal year began, which means my salary was originally budgeted for during the last fiscal year. they do cost of living adjustments at the beginning of each new fiscal year, so today i randomly got a raise even though i've only been working there for three weeks 🤙
#i guess it wasn't random it was very much planned but it felt random to me#this week has been so hectic#i've had non stop meetings#so when my boss called me into her office i thought oh god not another meeting#but it wasn't a meeting! it was a raise!#whoo hoo!#i'm exhausted today but very happy#personal
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~
if you can, would you pray for me? I am having a really hard time right now.
I just. I have too much to do 😭 I've been in survival mode 24/7 for the last four weeks. and the homework is only going to get worse, and I will only have less time for it from here on out because more clients will be booking my hours at work.
Also, I haven't been able to visit my parents for weeks, and the one in-person friend I had at college graduated last year. I'm lonely. I love you all but being with people in the body is a human need. Also, I'm struggling with even feeling like church community is worth attending church this year.
#Robin processes emotions on main#hnnnnnng#I'm so tired#blindsided by this tiredness#senior year and I'm EXHAUSTED turns out#thinking of dropping my 1-credit extra class. idk. that class is so fun though :((( it's creative writing: worldbuilding#idk. also this week in particular has just been really rough for VARIOUS reasons. among them: I have to write a proposal#for my capstone project. which! will! be! good! I get to do self-directed writing! work one-on-one with my favorite professor!#but AUGH the timing of this proposal being due This Week...#I'm sorry y'all. I've got nothing. I need help#AND IT'S RAINING AND I DIDN'T BRING AN UMBRELLA 😭#just adding insult to injury there tbh 😂#God's Hardest Battles To His Silliest Clowns et cetera#oh also hi I'm back early because I was lonely
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So my allergy results came back and I'm not allergic to peanuts/walnuts/pecans. That's good.
However! I won the fucking genetic lottery again and have a rare allergy to egg yolks! The poor nurse who called to tell me hah. I was just sitting there on the phone trying to process this and bless her, I just said "well fuck me running... Shoot sorry. This is a lot." She was nice about it but god. I don't. Don't even know where to start. I'll have a good cry, call the dietitian they recommended and then I guess get a box and start going through the cupboards.
#aur rambles#medical cw#restricted diet cw#to be safe#original posts#i had an exhausting therapy session and then got the news right after. maybe ill see if my therapist has any openings next week#we were just celebrating that i could eat nuts. we've been talking about my limited diet and how hard it is coupled with the adhd#and fucking now this i just cant catch a fucking break.#i dont know what to do. no bread no breakfast sandwiches i just. so many foods i thought were safe you know?#maybe this will fix all my GI issues haha god.
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can i be honest. i'm ready for this year of hockey to be over with tbh
#flksjkfl it's been more exhausting than fun to me nfklds#auston chasing 70 is fun but truly everythign else abt it has sucked#this could also be the . weeks into mitch's absence talking but god im just tired of everything abt it#i rmr last year the summer break was actually such a good reset. maybe im just craving that Not Caring energy for a bit#being like only halfway attached to baseball so i dont have Intense opinions abt everything or feel fomo when i miss stuff or#idk. a break would be nice. if i had an actual physical place to go and wasnt trapped in this cyclical boring ass..... scmrea. scream.#if i could delete social media. that would be so nice
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just sobbed my eyes out for three straight hours
i feel much better now ✌️
#this has been an original post#personal spewage#thank god tbh#i havent been able to cry in weeks#it was stressing me out#anyway#my eyes are burning and im exhausted so imma go sleepybye#night night#thank you as always for tolerating me
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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they should invent a day off where you're not woken up by the household at 9 in the morning and being unable to fall back asleep
#im fuming 😭😩 just let me sleep i feel like i've been physically beaten up at the end of my every 2nd shift 🥲😮💨#i don't understand why i get to this point of exhaustion.. i mean i got used to the physical aspect of my job..i think??#i has to lift/pull much heavy stuff but i try to not overdo it but it seems i end up always overdoing it anyway#my back and neck still end up hurting.. god i need hold on just for december and 2 weeks of january 😫🤧
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Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die
#i cant even shes just so dangerously stupid#she thinks energy drinks with natural caffeine are safe to give people who have been told by doctor doing take caffeine with thia meds#ahe thinks of a child is CHOCKING to lie them face down n rub their back#she has the evangelical woman voice worse then women I've met n that cult ahe giggles constantly and behaves like the stereotype lil german#boy just got a lollipop over.... everyone and everything whe acts likw an 11 year old I just got the first boyfriend and all they could talk#is how perfect their boyfriend is and they're so pretty good for that I pulled a boyfriend is and it's like a God thing that they met how#SOOOOOOOOOO in love while constantly nonstop touching ahe has to be touching him her hand on his thigh her atm linked with his her heaf on#his chest she has to be in her lap they make out all over the place IT'S DISGUSTING AND EMBARRASSING STOP SWAPPING SPIT#she started a i. hwr words 'love diary of their love journey' they hadn't been dateing 2 months her kids are spoiled fake Instagram bitches#with such shitty views on politics SHE'S A TRUMP FAN GIRL SHENLOVES TRUMP MY DAD BROUGHT IN A TRUMPIE#there's so much i cant even say because even admitting it on tumblr is too embarrassing i wanted.to.likw her i liked her the first day but#THE MORE I GET TO KNOW GET THE MORE N MORE N MISS RED FKAGS#she threw away all my siblings clothes school books toys uniforms for sports their in toys i bought them that week make up jewelry#in the disguise of helping clean house#while i was at the hospital the kids call me in tears i call her beg her to wait and nope.ahe didn't i found the bags by the curb i brought#my dad sided with hwr because 'she didn't mean any harm she didn't know sje was throwing them away'#my mom hasn't bsen dead a year he started dating right after ahe died#hes talking about marrying this woman this woman who has never had an honest educated thought once in her life#WHO ASLO SPEMDA MONEY LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR AHE CAME FROM A WITCH FAMILY HER LAST TWO HUSBANDA WERE TOUCH SHE HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE COMMON#SHE SPENDS LIKE SHE STILL HAS MONEY WHEN SHE DOSE NOT AND IT'S LIKE YOU DID NOT JUST SPEND OVER 180 DOLLARS N PASTRIES GOD#SHES SO FUCKIN STUPID AND EVERY HOLIDAY SINCE MY MOM DIED WVERY FAMILY GWT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK OR.DO ANYTHING WITH MOM'S SIDE#OF THE FAMILY ANYMORE SHE'S THERE EVERY WINGLE MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKEND SHES HERE I'M EXHAUSTED SHES PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINING TO BE ARO#OUND SHES LIKE IF SOMEONE TOOK A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A DIET OF JUST FUCKIN COCAINE LITTLE GERMAN BOY WITH LOLLY AND CRUELLA DEVILLE AND FUSE#THEN TOOK A STRAW AND DRANK ALL THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BEING#UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH MY DADS GOIN TO NARRY RHIA BITCH SHES GOIN TO TRY TO BE A MOTHER TO ME AND MY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE GOIN TO#be so fucked up because her kids are not ok SHE FUCKED THEM OVER BAD SHE HAS FOUR KIDS ALL ADULTS THEY'RE JUST WOW#I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WHAY FUTURE MY FAMILY IS GOIN TO BE THE GOOD THINGS IS I WON'T HAVE TO STAY I CAN GO N MAKE A NEW ONE WITH MY WIFE#FOR ME BUT MY SIBLINGS ARE FUCKED AND ANYTIME I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY YANDERE GOLDEN RETRIEVER BITCH WILL BE THERE WORMING HWR WAY IN#SHES CONSTANTLY CALLING N TEXTING MY DAD NONSTOP OF SHE'S NOT NEXT TO HIM AND IF HE CAN'T RESPOND INSTANT SHE FREAKS OUT N BUGS ME
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Vent post in the tags don't mind me
#I've been having a chronic pain flare up this week#I fell off tracking my migraines in March after getting meds which helped so I have no basis of comparison and everything sucks.#i think it's stress trigger because this week has sucked in general#i had panic attacks sunday and Monday about talking to my parents about wedding stuff#and then had to go on a work trip monday and Tuesday that was exhausting#so it's been a bad time but on top of that my body has decided to punish me with a normal people level 8-9 flare up and I'm still at work#sigh#the fatigue and brain fog is so bad and i have so much to do#I would love to quit and go freelance and be self employed so I can take the bad days off to rest#but until my books take off i can't do that I gotta hustle#and god love my fiance he's working so hard too but he hates his job so i need to stay here because my work actually satisfying#when im not exhausted#i get to do fun things#but the FATIGUE#ugh#I just wanna write my little stories and sleep#etta rambles in the tags
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