#god this got really long and rambly
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
beck-a-leck · 2 years ago
Note
🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?
For the writing ask meme. I'm always fascinated by people's definitions of "success" etc when it comes to fanfic (since mine is "I finished writing it")
Okay time to finally get around to answering this after working all weekend!
🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?
Okay this is a really complicated answer and I'm not sure if i quite have the words to put this the way I want, so a lot of things about this might sound contradictory and I'm definitely going to ramble. But considering feelings are complex and often contradictory, I suppose that's to be expected.
The tl;dr is: I write for myself. I know I can't control other people. I don't let other people dictate my happiness. Share with low to no expectations, always be pleasantly surprised.
I think first and foremost, to not take things personally, I have learned over the years and through much experience, to divorce my sense of self-worth and accomplishment and overall happiness with Other People's Opinions. It's long been a mantra of mine to not let other people dictate my happiness, and that most certainly includes sharing creative projects in online spaces.
It has been a long learning process, and something I still regularly have to remind myself of, to separate my joy/fun/accomplishment/pride/enthusiasm and all of the other wonderfully positive feelings of creating something from how Other People respond to it. That's not to say I never feel disappointment and even sadness when something I thought might do better doesn't get the response and reactions I want. When I catch myself thinking that way, I acknowledge the disappointment, but then I remind myself of what I personally got from working on whatever it was.
Things like: I had fun making it. I got to learn something new. I tried out a new ship or trope, or perhaps revisited a favorite. I set a goal and accomplished it. I got to get the ideas in my head out onto paper and shared with the world.
Most simply put: I wrote for myself, and I like the end product, and that is Good Enough. Everything that comes after (comments, kudos, hits, chatting with people about it, etc) is just bonus.
(With obvious exceptions for requests/gift exchanges) For me, writing, or any creative hobby, can be a very selfish endeavor, because I'm writing the stories I want to read. I'm writing stories for my own entertainment. And yes, as contradictory as it may seem, I'm sharing stories because I also want to see how other people respond to them. I'm sharing because I want to feel good, and engage in a fandom community, and get that every so lovely hit of dopamine every time I see someone has interacted with my thing. But I do so always with the awareness that I am my first and most important audience. Again, everyone else is just Bonus.
And when it comes to the actual sharing process of writing, I try to keep in mind that I cannot control anybody else. I can't make people read my fics, I can't make them give me kudos, I can't make them leave a comment, or bookmark my fic, or come to my tumblr and say nice things. And everybody has so many different ways of expressing their opinions for something, that I can't even guarantee something as simple as a Kudos means the same to me as it does to them.
(I don't think Empathy is the right word I'm looking for, but it's the only one coming to mind, so...) but I always try to engage any disappoint I might have with Empathy and Logic for whatever idea of a Reader who might come across my story I have in my head. I'm fully aware that my story (and literally every story ever told) is not going to be for everybody, and therefore, not every person who sees it is going to have a positive (or any) reaction to it. For any number of reasons, they looked at my story and said 'no this isn't for me' and I cannot be mad or disappointed about that because I do the exact same thing. They might even click onto the story, read a good portion of it or all of it, get to the end and say 'actually, I didn't like this' and move on. Or hell, maybe they did like the story, maybe they loved it, but they didn't have the time/internet connection/mental or emotional energy/courage to leave a comment or hit the kudos or make a bookmark and that's okay too. Again, I cannot say I have not done the same thing. (and I have a much longer, more rambling rant about Obligations in Fandom, but we won't get into that here)
I always try to keep in mind that no matter what, any interaction is still one real life human being who saw something I did, and I try to put that into perspective. A fic only having a dozen hits can be disappointing, but at the same time, that's twelve whole people I can imagine standing in front of me and reading something I wrote. Which is actually a lot of people!
And because you brought up the measure of success, which is what this question is sort of getting at without saying the word... I don't know, I guess I don't tend to apply ideas of Success to my hobbies. At least not in the way of "Either it is a Success or it's a Failure." Writing is my hobby, and my hobby is supposed to be fun, not something I do for a grade or in competition. So I don't really think of it in that way.
I think in some way it circles back to Writing for Myself.
There's a part of me that is very at peace with the knowledge that if I never shared any of my stories from this day onward, I would still be happy writing. My writing folder is chock full of half-written stories that I likely won't finish, or ideas I had that only got to being a few hundred words of disconnected scenes and bits of dialogue, and even some stories that are 90% done, but I lost interest in the project and never finished it. But I don't look at those incomplete stories as failures, or even just on a very slow road to success. They served whatever purpose I needed them for, when I had an idea buzzing around my head, someday I might go back and finish them up and share them, but it's just as likely that they'll stay as they are, with only me to look at them.
I try to remove any pressures for myself when it comes to writing, because that is how it works best for me. When things become too pressing and guilt-laden, they stop being fun, I begin to feel burnt out, and when I don't have fun writing, I just don't write. It's my hobby, it's supposed to be fun, and when it stops being fun, then I know it's time to take a break. And, for me personally, setting arbitrary rules or deadlines, and adding unnecessary pressure is one of the fastest ways to kill the fun.
3 notes · View notes
meamiki · 8 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Happy Anniversary In Stars and Time!! Have some Friend Quest based drawings :D
(These have specific quote picks related to them! And there's also a long ramble on why I like those specific quotes below if interested)
(And by long, I mean roughly 2k+ words of proper ramble total, so be warned before clicking keep reading this link right here to the rb!!)
#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#<- edited now this is just act 3 spoilers for the art LMAO#isat mirabelle#isat isabeau#isat odile#isat bonnie#isat siffrin#<- i promise this is the last time in a long long time i tag someone who only shows up with their back turned#but in my defense they also are here four times so i think the tag is justified SADASFA#time for a messier secondary post underneath the first WAHOOOO#to start!! random art tidbits!! no one is looking at siffrin in these!!#mira and isa are looking away while odile and bonnie have their eyes closed#in my minds eye these are the A4 versions of the FQ so siffrin internally is Not Having A Good Time#i just thought itd be fun to incorporate somehow as an extra easter egg detail kinda!#also i tried to make the bgs mildly accurate to location in game and its the reason why isa got to have one (1) singular tree in the bg#laaast art tidbit is that i took a bit of a creative liberty with bonnies#well i did with all of them but still#since its not explicitly stated sif god up immediately after tripping they get to stay on the floor in the drawing#i just thought itd be fun for the drawing!!#moving onto general tidbits in addition to the time fun fact i also decided the posting time#specifically so itd be in the middle of me having back to back to back meetings so can't second guess myself in posting this HAHA#every time i post any form of text based ramble on characters or even headcanons i Fear#and YEAH i am probably just being overly nitpicky towards myself on analysis that can prob be read several diff ways cuz interpretation#but i really really really dont want to fumble so badly to the point of mischaracterizing anyone since i like them a lot!!#still working on getting over that but hey at least i am trying and thats all i can ask of myself i think!#okay now time to Lie Down im writing these tags after stream#tag talk over into q u go :]#partial pin
96 notes · View notes
cankersoregirl · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I was afraid I’d lose him. So I got there late. And… as I entered, I saw him about to take pictures by himself. The first thing that I felt was… I wanted to hug him. No matter how bad I was to him, he’s still there for me. Every time that I’ve fallen or torn apart, he always runs up to me. He’ll come running and hug me. The same goes for this time, where he shows up. Am I happy? I’m really delighted. I really am. I’d like to thank Save for always being by my side till this very day.
DMD Friendship the Reality: It Takes Two EP. 5
#auausave#auau thanaphum#save worapong#dmd friendship the reality#dmd friendship the reality it takes two#b.txt#esmetracks#visualtaehyun#uservid#springgifs#the way i dont wanna tag a lot of ppl bc this set is So Long and so For Me#making self indulgent gifs is kinda fun af guys like yes I would like to see this moment in 20 gifs!#waiter waiter! more auausave! (im literally the waiter and brother. dinner is served!)#ok time for me to ramble abt this whole moment in the following tags#auau really loves save so much… like it's so serious y'all what the fuck……#his facial journey fucking kills me every time (and i have lost track how much i've rewatched this)#the way he really thinks he lost save and then BOOM save enters and auau opens his mouth to say Something but he's SPEECHLESS.#auau tries to play up his cool guy act but ugh u r down bad <3 u get shy <3 u gaf <3#save really has him wrapped around his finger like it's just so so so crazy#you can see in the first few gifs how he really did look so sad/disappointed!! processing it in real time and trying to accept it!!#it's the way save enters too. beaming addictive smile... ok i really. they really got me bad. u ever get self aware suddenly. thats me rn#AGH BUT LIKE ALL HIS WORRIES R GONE BC SAVE IS HERE!!! SAVE CHOSE HIM!!!! AUAU WHO KEPT WORRYING THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SHOW BC HE KEPT#GETTING SO CLOSE TO FIRST PLACE BUT STILL NOT GETTING IT... BUT AUAU!! SAVE CHOSE U AS FIRST IN HIS HEART!!!!!#and when he asks save if hes happy bc he knows they didnt spend as much time together as they wanted... but ofc theyre both happy to choose#each other 🥹🥹😭🥹 when i watched it i knew theyd end up together so ofc this wasnt a surprise. but it also felt like of course... theyre#already meant to be realhia in your sky. and they clearly get along so why wouldnt they choose each other. BUT THEN I REMEMBERED SEASON ONE#and the auausaveryujin trio thing going on couldve turned out like a tlelattefirstone moment. just cuz theyre supposed to act in a show#together doesnt mean theyll stick together... which i actually love bc its really based on who wants to act together as a koojin(g) waaaah#(but also lbr ryujin honestly wasnt even doing that much like he literally chose himself DKSFJHGD) 'i got a bit heartbroken' is so. it's so#auau. do u hear urself. GOD. dmd friendship is just so awesome. i love schrödinger's dating show so much
57 notes · View notes
rillils · 6 days ago
Note
Your post about Steve and Bucky initiating touch is so good - the perfect amount of softness and heartbreak. So I have to ask now - what are your thoughts on Stucky + physical touch post catws? Cause I keep thinking about how devastated both of the boys must be, knowing that the first time they touched each other again after 70 years was to hurt each other. Not to mention both have levels of touch starvation. And you might hate me for this but I've always had this hc that the first time Steve touched Bucky post catws he was so startled by the gentleness of it that he just instantly passed out (I'm sorry). Anyway yeah, would love to hear your thoughts.
Hello nonnie dear! 💕💕 Before anything else, I just want to thank you so so much for what you said about that post, I'm really glad you liked it 💕
Cause I keep thinking about how devastated both of the boys must be, knowing that the first time they touched each other again after 70 years was to hurt each other.
Are you trying to make me cry, honey? Because I will 😭😭
God, they've been apart for so long, kept from each other for years and years, and it's such cruel irony that the first time they meet (and touch) again in the future, it should be in violence, when they never would have wanted to hurt each other. It hurts, so much.
But then I think of those final moments on the helicarrier, before everything blows up around them, and the softness in Steve's voice, in his eyes, as he looks up at Bucky above him, poised to bring down his fist again, and tells him that he's not alone, that Steve is right here with him and always will be…
And I can't help but think that there's a beauty there, blossiming like a little bud in spring, that feels at once fragile and indestructible.
How can anything diminish Steve's love for Bucky, how can anyone rip Bucky from Steve's heart, when Steve is willing to sacrifice himself to Bucky's heartbreaking rage, and be at peace with it, and love him through it? No one can. No one ever could. Not even Bucky. Not even if he did his worst. How can Bucky ever be unworthy in Steve's eyes, if Steve would love him even through death -- even if death came at Bucky's own hands? Do you know how much they make me want to cry??
Okay um, sorry about that. Now, on to your lovely ask, my beautiful nonnie.
Please forgive me if I misinterpreted, but based on your phrasing, I'm going to assume that you were aiming for a post-CATWS AU, so I will be ignoring all mcu canon from CACW onwards.
Alright, so, post-CATWS boys, let's go!
I'm gonna start with Steve.
The first thing you notice when you really look at him, is this deep sense of alienation he carries within him.
By the time CATWS happens, Steve has been out of the ice for about two years, but he's only just beginning to adjust to the new century.
Steve is just. So fucking lonely. He abruptly found himself in a time and a world that are so foreign to him, he might as well have woken up on another planet. And the worst part is, he found himself completely alone, with no one he could rely on, no one he could truly confide in, no one who really knew him, no one left who truly cared about him, other than the people interested in finding out if and how they could exploit him, and his superhuman abilities, and the propaganda-reeking legacy attached to his name.
He's mourning the loss of everything and everyone he used to know. And with no one he can reach out to, he feels completely unmoored, alone and adrift in an ocean of strangers who look at him and only ever see Captain America, never Steve.
He's been working with the Avengers, sure; but we barely see them bonding with each other. They're not really friends, not in the true sense of the word; they're more like coworkers who occasionally come together to work on a group project -- the project being defeating the next evil guy and protecting the world.
It's safe to say that until the events of CATWS, Steve has no friends at all.
I mean, yeah, he's been going on missions with Natasha, but again, they don't really know each other beyond the surface level, and until certain circumstances throw them together, they don't even trust each other, not in any meaningful way. Steve tells us so when they're hiding at Sam's, having their first honest conversation, all (or most) of their walls down: he would trust her with his life, now. He wasn't sure he could before.
And that's one key element that's been missing in the relationships Steve has been trying to build in the 21st century so far: complete and mutual trust. The kind he shared with Bucky, the kind he grew into with the Howlies, over those 15-16 months they spent watching each other's backs across the powder keg that was WWII Europe.
These days, Steve has no one he can trust, and that means that there's no one he can get close to, either. And with closeness comes touch, comes affection, physicality, an emotional connection: all things that Steve hasn't had since Bucky slipped through his fingers 70 years ago.
Whether you headcanon Steve as having stayed celibate since he came out of the ice, or as having slept around with a bunch of nameless people, the bottom line is that he hasn't experienced true intimacy since 1945. The type of intimacy that carries out of the bedroom; the kind that transcends sex, that exists in its own right, that lives in the little things. A feeling of closeness that is emotional before it's ever physical.
Intimacy can be a hug; but intimacy can be a shared look from across the room, too, and the simple pleasure of feeling this complicity with another person, of knowing that the two of you are thinking the same thing, no words needed. What intimacy is, is forging a profound emotional connection with someone.
It means being able to let your guard down around your Person, because you trust them. You trust them to respect you, you trust them to look out for you, you trust them to love you.
Sometimes, intimacy comes in the shape of touch. And Steve hasn't felt the warmth of another's touch since he lost Bucky.
Speaking of Bucky.
The thing is, this man has been brutalized in every possible way, for so long that I can't even bear to think about it. From the very beginning, they took over not just his mind, but his body as well, invading the most personal thing anyone possesses: his own skin. His blood. His flesh. His person.
First they inject him with the serum against his will; then, when he loses a limb in his fall, they attach a permanent prosthetic to him, which -- I don't know the specifics here, I'm neither a doctor nor a scientist, but for Bucky to be able to move the metal arm and all its joints at will, and with as much dexterity and precision as his own flesh arm, the prosthetic has to be wired into his nervous system somehow. Not to mention anchored to his bones, to support its weight. And when you look at the scars on his shoulder and chest? Fuck. It looks like they fucking melded the whole thing to him. He literally can't take it off.
When they take possession of his body in such an invasive way, it's easy to imagine that during his time under Hydra, Bucky had no privacy whatsoever, either. And why should he? He was nothing more than a tool to them. A test subject. Their property. They kept a close eye on him at all times because he had to be controlled, and because they couldn't risk losing him to the enemy, or having him loose in the outside world where, in a rare moment of lucidity, he could have talked and exposed them.
Hydra's treatment of Bucky, even when they're not actively torturing him, is beyond cruel. It's inhumane. He's not even a person to them, he's something between a dog and a broken toy that constantly and annoyingly requires maintainance.
The way Pierce slaps him so nonchalantly, the way all the other goons around him are so quick to grab him, manhandle him, push him back into the chair, and the techs poke and prod at his arm without considering Bucky, without addressing him or asking for his consent before laying their hands on him -- all of it paints a pretty clear picture. If all these minor acts of violence are perpetrated against Bucky so casually, like they're the norm, it probably means that greater and more brutal acts of violence against him are accepted as well.
The people around him are all armed to the teeth, ready to subdue him if need be. Guns, tasers, batons, you name it, it's there. How many times has Bucky been literally beaten into submission, especially in the early days of his captivity, when they were still in the process of breaking him, both in body and in spirit? One can only imagine.
All this to say, Bucky hasn't experienced positive touch since he fell into that ravine; not in the giving, nor in the taking.
Nothing in Bucky's recent past has been gentle. The Soldier had no notion of what a gentle touch was: he didn't receive anything remotely like it, nor was he required to give it. He didn't socialize, he didn't form relationships. He, essentially, didn't exist. He killed, he fought, he obeyed orders, he trained other Soldiers; that was it. Nothing gentle or nurturing about any of it.
But then Bucky comes to Steve, and.
Steve is gentle. Steve is nothing but gentle with him, all kindness and infinite patience.
Steve doesn't touch him, nor does he demand to be touched in turn. But he smiles at Bucky. No one has smiled at Bucky in 70 years. His voice is the warmest thing Bucky has felt against his skin since before he can remember. Always, always, Steve watches him with those kind eyes of his, veiled with a pain that makes Bucky's chest hurt.
The matter of their fight on the helicarrier, like you pointed out, hangs between them like a stubborn ghost.
Bucky remembers enough to know that he almost killed Steve, and that Steve was going to let him.
He remembers the sickening crunch of bones being pummeled into by his metal fist. He remembers the weight of the gun in his hand, his fingertip catching on the trigger when he put a bullet in Steve's gut, one in his thigh, the next barely missing him.
He knows he hurt Steve, something Bucky never, ever would have wanted to do -- something that used to be his worst nightmare, way back before everything -- and he hates himself for it, and sometimes, he thinks Steve should hate him too. Steve shouldn't trust him. He shouldn't open his home and his heart to Bucky and bare his side to him -- what if Bucky hurt him again, or worse?
Steve, though.
Steve is still reeling from the fact that Bucky is alive.
Alive.
Something that was so beyond hope, it feels like a miracle.
And. We've all seen the look on his face when he confronted Bucky on the helicarrier. He was absolutely gutted at the very notion of having to fight him, having to hurt him with his own hands. God knows Steve's going to carry this new piece of guilt in his heart for the rest of his life. But at the same time, he doesn't resent Bucky for attacking him. He understands. And he would have worn those bruises for the rest of his life if he had to, if only because they meant that Bucky was alive, that he was real.
Personally, I can't shake the image of a recovering Steve, standing in front of a mirror, brushing his fingertips over the purpling bruises that Bucky put there. Touching the swollen, sore skin almost reverently, a shivering breath escaping his lips, a lump forming in his throat, because those marks on his body were the only tangible proof that Bucky was alive. That he got this close. That he was within arm's reach. That he was out there, breathing, living, and he could come back if he wanted to -- that he could come home to Steve, one day.
And now Bucky has found his way back to him, and oh god, Steve has missed him so viscerally, he hurt down to the bone.
He's missed Bucky's presence; the sweet, mellowed rumble of his voice, the rise and fall of his chest. He's missed the scent of Bucky's skin, the taste of his breath; the sound of his name on Bucky's lips. He's missed him. His lover. His family. The other half of his heart.
He misses Bucky's touch. Being touched by him, kissed by him, held in his arms. He misses feeling Bucky's body under his hands, his hair between Steve's fingers, his chest against Steve's chest. He misses the tangle of their bare legs, and the gentle rhythm of Bucky's heartbeat under his ear. He misses it with everything he has, and he craves it, he longs for it with every breath of his lungs.
But this isn't something that Steve can just take for himself. Not unless Bucky wanted it, too; and Steve doesn't think Bucky does.
What he doesn't know, mainly because he doesn't dare ask, is that Bucky is just as starved for it as Steve is.
Human touch, a connection, a sense of belonging -- belonging in his own skin, and belonging in someone else's arms, too, slotting in right at home inside their heart, wrapped in their love -- in Steve's love -- this is what Bucky yearns for. He's gone without it for so long, disconnected from himself, alienated from his own humanity, from his own emotions, from his own body. And god, he knows he needs that closeness, he knows he wants it, he can feel the hunger sitting right there under his skin.
But he doesn't know how to reach for it. He must have forgotten.
It's so scary and confusing, when you don't know how to do something that should be basic, something that everybody else does all the time.
And anyways, what if Steve doesn't want it? What if Steve doesn't want to touch him, or be touched by someone like him, ever again?
But…
But Bucky can't help but wonder.
He doesn't remember what it feels like. What was it like, to be touched with tenderness? To be touched by someone who loves you? To be held? To feel their skin against yours just for the sake of it?
And ahhhh nonnie, nonnieeeee, your headcanon with Bucky passing out from the unexpected gentleness of Steve's touch, it's so bittersweet and powerful and heartbreaking 😭💖 Of course I don't hate you, please never think that for a second!!
But but but, since you asked, noe you gotta suffer with me. Here's how I imagine it might go.
The first time they touch, Bucky is overwhelmed by it.
Surely it's something simple - a light touch, perhaps Steve's hand resting on his, perhaps a touch on his good arm, on his shoulder.
But the sensation alone floods Bucky's nerve endings with a startling storm of information. Warmth. The warmth of Steve's body connecting with his. The texture of Steve's skin, the creases of his palm, the softness of his flesh, the palpable weight of his hand. The reach of his nimble fingers, encompassing the back of Bucky's hand. Touch, gentle, so gentle, overtop Bucky's knuckles, Steve's thumb brushing curiously against Bucky's skin.
It's so soft. It's so much softer than anything Bucky thinks he deserves.
It's so much.
It's so careful.
It's an instant spark zinging up Bucky's spine.
He looks up at Steve as though he would question it - is this what touch is? this whispering sensation in his heart, this thing inside his veins that makes him tremble? is this what touch really is? is it supposed to feel this good? is it allowed to feel this good? does Steve feel like he can't breathe, too? - and finds his own vision blurred with unshed tears.
Steve is touching him, because he wanted to.
It is a strange feeling, to be wanted. To have one person's body seek out another's, and link them skin to skin.
His hand doesn't look like the hand of a monster when Steve envelops it in his own. It just looks like a hand. Like a person. Like one of those people out there who do this all the time and think it easy, just because they've gotten so good at it. They forgot that it takes practice. Maybe they never needed practice. But this. It looks so human. So ordinary. So simple. And Bucky's chest feels so tight, like the swell of emotions inside it are pushing to come out.
Steve sees his tears and panics, fearing that he hurt Bucky somehow, that Bucky wasn't ready for this, that Bucky didn't want this. He takes his hand away, as quick as if he'd just been burned, but a strange miracle happens: Bucky reaches for him, begging Steve to come back, with his pleading eyes, with a broken rasp of his voice.
Please. Please.
And something cracks inside Steve's heart. The cork pops off the bottle, and the hunger flows free, the need to gather Bucky into his arms and hold him inside his chest, right there behind his ribs where Steve's heart is pounding, right there where Bucky has always been, where he has always belonged, in the embrace of Steve's lungs, under the canopy of Steve's breastbone, sheltering him from the rain.
Steve's hand cups Bucky's cheek. One hand. Both hands. His thumbs wipe at Bucky's tears, working the saltwater between their two skins.
They'd taste of the same salt now, he and Steve, if Bucky put his lips to Steve's fingertips. They'd be one flavor, one skin, one starved heart.
He doesn't know if he's the one climbing into Steve's space first, if Steve is the one pulling him close, but he finds himself nestled in the crook of Steve's neck; Steve's arms engulfing him, holding him like they intend to keep him, and Steve sobs on his shoulder, and he on Steve's, awash and flooded with relief from the inside out.
This is what touch is. This is what it means, to be wanted, to be needed, to be had. And now that they both know, they're gonna hold onto each other and feast on it, until the one starved heart between them is so fattened up with it that it won't fit back inside anymore.
30 notes · View notes
gingermintpepper · 11 months ago
Text
I would really like to read one piece of writing, amateur or not, that features Apollo and Zeus having a positive relationship. One. Any one. It could be 30 words long for all I care. I just need confirmation that one other writer actively producing content in the Greek Mythology sector doesn't think of Apollo as Zeus' toy, sexual or otherwise, or of Zeus purposefully surpressing Apollo because he doesn't want him to surpass his power, or of Apollo only being obedient to his father over all else because of fear and physical abuse, or of any other reason possibly invented except some sort of mutual understanding and respect.
It should not be this difficult to find content where they do not hate each other.
53 notes · View notes
lovesickeros · 1 year ago
Note
lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...
it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy
also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]
gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.
anyway.
there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.
imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.
a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.
the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?
but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.
#asks#Anonymous#sagau#tsaritsa#like. am i explaining this coherently?? first meetings r GOOD and i could go on a tangent of like. first meetings w zl and make it work#but first meetings w the tsaritsa is like. you just cooked a 5 course meal. took one bite. called it a day.#so much of my characterization lies in the “after” of the first meeting#because her first meetings are generally the same. she's apathetic at best!! she does not gaf abt the creator in the SLIGHTEST#but show that you are more then the creator? that you do not cling to the title like a shield? that you do not rely on it?#youve got the worst person youve ever known ready to kill a man for you.#tsaritsa is very like. EXTREMELY hard to earn the trust of but when you do she will kill someone for you no hesitation no question#which is why she works SO WELL in villain au and imposter au!!!!!!!!!#esp if theres a fake “creator” calling you the imposter. she hates their ass and was .5 seconds from dethroning them anyway#you just made it 10x easier#also cant do just first meetings bc i am incapable of not shoving themes of love into every fic w her SORRY#tsaritsa going on a full multiple month long mental breakdown bc she is not in love with you but she would destroy everything for u..#(shes in denial)#tsaritsa and complex themes of love and what it means for the god of love to be incapable of feeling it + what it means when reader shows u#LIKE UGHHHHHH okay. i guess ill write another tsaritsa fic and put it in my vault#aka my drafts#i hold so many fics hostage there its crazy#this answered like 0 of ur questions sorry i see tsaritsa and black out and this happens#i just think first meetings dont let her character really come thru but my response got out of hand so uhhhhh everyone look away. please#putting tape over my mouth now so i shut up before this gets worse#basically tsaritsa gravitates more towards outcast reader rather then one who has already become accustomed to the adoration of the acolyte#does that make sense........#i havent slept in forever and im running on nothing but spite and dreams atp dont expect coherency when it comes 2 the tsaritsa from me#head in hands someone please stop me i keep rambling abt the tsaritsa it makes me go NUTS#lays down. explodes
52 notes · View notes
edwinisms · 1 year ago
Text
#this question is very hard for me to answer so obviously I have to torment everyone else with it#cause like. like I can really see the potential in either answer. both are feasible#I will say. most realistically. to me. edwin first charles harder#because I think…..I think the reasoning behind the other way around usually tends to be about how edwin absolutely was slower to bond and#open up in general whereas charles hit the ground fucking running#but i don’t think that particularly applies to their romantic relationship#if you mean ‘fell for’ in a general sense rather than a romantic one then yes 100%#but that’s not what im talking about here#I have a few different reasons but generally I think edwin fell first because like… the way he attached himself to charles and accepted him#as his person and etc is so unlike him to do with literally anyone- especially at the point where they first met/the first years they knew#each other. charles just seems to have hit him as something very very special and irreplaceable quite quickly for him to open up the way he#did and change and flourish into a fully realized person because of how safe and worthy charles made him feel#he took to charles with an unusual amount of ease and trust and I think that says something about how charles struck his heart Early#whereas with charles… yes on one hand he did stay on the mortal plane largely because of edwin and absolutely would’ve been impacted by the#tender act of mercy that was edwin reading to him as he died so he wouldn’t be scared. that’s absolutely what got him to trust edwin and to#want to be with him and protect him and so on#but charles would still do that and be like that under intense platonic circumstances I think#but most importantly I just think charles fell harder. when he fell is less important to me here- more important is that by GOD that boy is#down so fucking bad and outright SAYS IT in so many ways that he doesn’t realize– the sheer amount he restates how he’s content so long as#he’s with edwin. how he doesn’t want to be anywhere where edwin can’t follow. would and Did go to hell and back for him. believes him#to be the kindest and most incredible person he’s ever met. prioritizes him above anything and everything. etc etc etc#that’s not to say edwin doesn’t feel a similar amount of devotion– but charles just. really loves him with his whole person. loves him as a#fact of his existence and a piece of his very soul#idk man. it just feels like he is so incredibly smitten and he doesn’t even know it.#like I said though I can see both options and give reasons for both options so this question EATS at me I GENUINELY don’t have a super#strong feeling either is absolutely correct. it’s so difficult to answer they’re both so smitten and have such a history and GRAHHHH#payneland#dead boy detectives#rambling#polls
37 notes · View notes
slavhew · 1 year ago
Note
Hello!
If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?
There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?
OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts
No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:
Tumblr media
This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.
Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.
And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!
Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)
This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that
#not art#admin answers#paranatural#pnat#richard spender#pts-fic-notes-and-blog#before i continue on with tag ramble i just want to say tysm for leaving an ask!#none of my friends read this so ive been stewing on these thoughts for some months and i loved finally sharing them#this isn't exactly proof but the hijack possession seemingly being the final nail in the coffin for his and isabel's relationship.#idk it feels significant to me. thats one more tether to support kinda gone. someone who knows him well enough to know he's unwell#he seems not exactly content but fr incapable of not burning bridges as he is now. and considering how rashly he acts he REALLY needs those#to not do stupid shit all the god damn time with no buffer other than Lucifer. who for his measured approach to rick's hotheadedness#has honestly shown himself to be pretty lenient and kinda bad at controlling spender's more (self) destructive tendencies? so he dont count#to be clear i love spender to bits but he is dumb as rocks and has all the self preservation of a fruit fly. it needs to be said#also the lightning man... idk its WEIRD like especially on the reread its the thing that most consistently threatens him! it repeats#sure he gets chewed by a bat and banged up by forge but?? he somehow always comes back to lightning. catnine has it out for him#its something i didnt even really put together until i continued reading the flashback chapter AFTER getting this ask and went OHHHGNHF#which the only reason lightning is such a non issue is lucifer's powers. which belong to his sunglasses and not to the spirit in him#so its not like they can't be taken away he's just got a really good excuse for having those on all the time#TAGS GETTING SO LONG. ANYWAYS. i hope this is comprehensible lol
54 notes · View notes
blizzardfluffykpop · 3 months ago
Text
i fear everyone needs to know i'm a big nerd- bc oh my god- the new doctor who episodes are sosoosos good- the way we met a new god- and they brought the mimic back is just!!! I'M SO EXCITED- i need to catch up on the past couple of eras- but- seeing the newest episodes has me !!!!!
16 notes · View notes
Text
Trying to get my hands on more ToriChia and you're telling me that in order to know their birth months I have to buy the special edition of this volume and to see them sharing an umbrella I have to buy the special edition of ANOTHER volume???? LIKE HELLO WE ONLY HAVE 2 MAIN COUPLES IN SiH MANGA YOU'RE TELLING ME TO GET MORE TAKARITSU TO HAVE MY TORICHIAS????
JUST GIVE US MORE NOVELS OR AN ANTHOLOGY OF THE BONUSES ATP DAMN 😭
8 notes · View notes
universalthaumaturge · 5 months ago
Text
so. chapter 5 huh.
#hunter the parenting#ramblings abound:#i think this was the first time in a long while i've actively. “geeked out”? over something?#don't really like that term but i *did* just sit there emitting various noises awestruckedly. and i don't tend to do that?#certainly been years since i reached a point where the only thoughts i could muster were ''this is so FUCKING COOL'' and such#ok anywase. thoughts. so:#the purple text “just cause you can dont mean you should” guy is jambles in the credits right. havent seen anyone talk about that yet#fuckin hell. brok character arc possibly incoming. who'da thunk it!#(i'da thunk it there are NO two-dimensional characters in this series (except when they're 2d-animated but i digress))#D's eyes flashing gold???? it might be non-diagetic but like. cmon. of course he's got something going on.#also what's going on with grimal and elise. what is going on with them. hey. hey what is going on. theyre still exceedingly suspicious. hey#matilda...#alright spoiler territory: is the tree arm white moth gift a thing#someone said the umbra looked wyrmy. is she... is she a black spiral dancer?#its been a couple months since i've done a wod loredive so i might be a tad rusty.#also. love how we can see her channeling rage before going glabro#and her crinos..... with that shadow over her face and her eyes glowing............... must admit i am Infatuated. badly. huh who said that#god the whole build up the whole reveal the whole fight the whole aftermath it's all just. so fucking good.#solar sorcery occam mural was great#“god” saying fatigue instead of fatigue was great#git???? lost a fucking arm????? is grimal ok???????????#seems like no one died but like. theres def gonna be a hopital scenes.#so wait was spit really just out of ritalin...?#god the fucking. canon ads. NO ONE is doing it like ogre poppenang#brok drank a molotov btw??? almost forgot about that#hang on. does marckus still have the oculus. marckulus. thats for sure gonna be plot relevant right#the fucking. ''cant wait for the audiolog where marckus annoys matilda with questions in their umbra trip'' in the comments section. amazin#amanda... shes getting a raise right. god i hope they don't push matilda's work on her. it *would* be funny but PLEASE she needs a BREAK#wait matilda is full-on garou and her surname is Wilde. probably a pseudonym which makes it even fucking funnier. she did it on purpose
19 notes · View notes
welcometogrouchland · 7 months ago
Text
Finally saw Wicked today. I fear it is, in fact, actually all that and a bag of chips. Like it is genuinely that good
#ramblings of a lunatic#storywise i actually found that they were stretching act 1 a bit thin and it showed in the pacing#but in terms of execution of the musical numbers and aesthetic quality of the sets/costumes/etc???#ohhh bitch. I'm sorry im so fucking seduced by john chu's vision of oz#i am also on team 'this bitch should be more technicolour' but I'm also not a lighting/cinematography guy#like i like Pictures and Images but I'm shit at lighting + composing film shots so yknow. stones and glass houses and everything#anywayyy i love the wizard of oz im a little obsessed w the wziard of oz and all related properties maybe. maybe#god idk if I'd actually enjoy it but i would be really curious to read the book version of wicked. i know it's incredibly different#not just in terms of focus and content but also in terms of being very dense and reportedly a lot drier#but also i do want to see his vision very badly. like when he made oz a surveillance state?? that's smart! it's plainly in the og series!#it's just treated as normal there#but anyway yeah back to the musical i am NOT ashamed to admit i got full body chills during defying gravity#there were parts that were so. sincere and self serious and melodramatic that i couldn't help but love#like YES enough!! with the self referential ironic humour crammed into everything!!!#linger on a moment for far too long and make me sit uncomfortably in the saccharine melodrama!!! it's good for me!!!#the people want big budget fantasy musicals gang...they want razzle and dazzle and heartfelt song!!#and i agree with the ppl. i AM the ppl#wicked movie. good. i enjoy#might just be riding the high of watching it but like idc I'm allowed
13 notes · View notes
threadbearsweater · 5 months ago
Note
From your last reblog, how do you stop hating getting older? Most of my fandom friends are early/mid 20s and it makes me feel so gross being in my 30s. Everyone always shames you for being so 'old' in the anime spaces and I always feel kinda guilty about it and I shouldn't.
How do you come to terms with aging and loving your age? I know I'm younger than you but it feels like I'm aging so quickly when everyone else stays so young lol
I guess what I'm asking is what made you love your 40s? Or even your 30s? What made you wake up and go 'actually, this is way better than people made it out to be'. I hope none of this sounds too invasive but I feel like I'm doing myself a disservice by not loving my age gracefully when I never thought I'd MAKE it to this age, y'know?
I am afraid that it's not really a profound revelation. As much as I'd like to sit here and document my journey to self-love and say that it's always been positive and joyful, it really hasn't been. I'd say that just in the last 5 or 6 years, I've finally had the ability to be honest with myself about a lot of things- namely the way I handle stress, relationship woes (both platonic and romantic) and just life in general. My 40's are loads better than my 30's even. I spent a lot of my 30's being angry- at myself, at my kids, at my ex-husband. At work, at life, at money. And I knew it at the time, but I guess I thought it was just the way life had to be. I told myself I'd just been dealt a shitty hand and it was the consequences of my actions so far that made my life what it had to be. I resigned myself to a life where I'd just constantly be at someone else's beck and call and figured that's what it would be forever and ever amen. (the rest is under a cut because I got REALLY long-winded)
When the pandemic hit, I left a job that had me so wrung out and miserable for almost 6 years. And I woke the fuck up. I never really thought the job was the problem, and I don't think it was the whole issue- but it definitely contributed to my constant need to put my own feelings aside and take care of everyone else before myself. Just last year, my husband and I talked about how angry I used to be. Bless his patient heart, he told me that "things got pretty rough for a while. I wasn't sure if we'd pull through" and it broke my heart to know that my anger affected him in such a profound way.
BUT to backtrack, after I quit that job, I started going to therapy. I got back on meds, I got a life-changing diagnosis that really helped me explain and understand my decades of self-destructive patterns. And for the first time, I started to put myself first. It was ridiculously difficult at first. I started to notice small changes in the way my kids interacted with me, the way I could talk to people, the way I connected with online friends. It didn't come without some lessons along the way, some learned with great difficulty. I don't pretend to be a perfect example of someone who knows herself and knows others so completely, and I do still fuck up- but I own it. I don't try to blame others anymore. And I work to forgive myself without expecting others to do the work for me.
I've been lucky so far to never be directly shamed for being older in fandom spaces. I've surrounded myself with some beautiful souls- most of them being somewhere in the late twenties-late thirties range- and I just come around and be me, flaws and all. I talk about the things I like, I open my mind to the things I might not understand at first, I avoid the things that upset me (this might be the hardest one, especially when it's all available at our fingertips at any given moment). I've seen those posts about how people of a certain age are seen as "creepy" or "weird" or whatever the colorful adjective of the day may be for fandom "elders". And I'm sure there are probably people reading this now who feel that way about anyone who's over the age of 25, but it's all good! I'm having a good time. I'm enjoying the things I enjoy because it's fun to do so, and everyone should feel free to have a good time wherever we may end up, you know?
My heart breaks for you when I hear you say things like "I never thought I'd make it this far". My 16 year old has expressed the same sentiment to me recently, and it just knocks the wind right out of me to consider how that must affect your day to day life. I guess if I were to offer any advice, I'd say Congratulations! You've made it, and you're still making it! Keep going, don't stop, do whatever it takes to keep getting up in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other. Give yourself grace. Growing up and growing older really is a gift, and I KNOWWWWW that sounds corny and cliche to say so, but it REALLY is! Fuck the haters, damn the man (save the Empire), and enjoy crying and screaming over fictional characters, because why the hell not? There's no age limit on joy.
9 notes · View notes
some-pers0n · 1 year ago
Text
Every once in a while I think about the ship I've been obsessed over for close to two years now and feel like I'm ascending to another plane of reality. Like sometimes you just encounter a ship that hits every single mark and is perfect in every regard and you're left stunned how something like that can even exist
#Anyways I'mma put the actual inane ramblings in the tags#Medic and Engie make me so ill every time I think about them for a while I feel like tearing into things and biting people and throwing up#How something like that can exist completely defies me#I don't know how something that perfect can exist#I'm typically a multi-shipper and while I still kinda am I honest to god don't really care to write other ships#Not cause they ain't good (they are pretty damn good) but because Engiemedic is just on another level#Like dammnnn!! that's why I've spent so long writing a fic about them!#I can't fathom it honestly how characters like that can exist#They're like a slightly warped reflection of themselves#They're both intelligent mentally ill lunatics with no morals whatsoever#The only thing is that Engie is marginally better at hiding it#If you go into headcanon territory than WHOO!! OHH DAMNNN#Like what gets me the most about Engiemedic is how they're so similar#They think and exist on the same wavelength#In tune with each other. Their neurons braided like wires#If I start talking about how the machine and the flesh are not opposites but rather one in the same we gonna be here all day#I just can't...believe the ship exists#Like man how does this happen#You want humour? Goofy wacky experiments and silliness of them violating several conventions#You want angst? Hell yeah they've got plenty of it#Fluff? Buddy I start wailing and sobbing if they accidentally brush hands while working on stuff#I could write about them for ages and not get bored they can fit in every circumstance#They make me SICK they make me CRAZY I love them so so much#They would do anything for each other#I look at what they have and I can feel like I understand what love is#I need to write more oneshots and minifics about them they're so flexiable and fun#Can't wait to do parallels with them in these upcoming chapters#Either way GODDDDD I love these two so much I could go on for hours about them#especially if I'm allowed to talk about headcanons#sp-rambles
21 notes · View notes
heartsbind · 7 months ago
Text
name. shannon pronouns. they/them preferred comms. discord is fastest, but tumblr ims also work! name of muse(s). top five strongest go - my oc tatsu, megumi fushiguro, sae itoshi, tsumiki fushiguro, reo mikage experience with RP. okay so i was 12 and very into kingdom hearts when i found this random fansite with a forum that people were just using for RP. in retrospect i was veery fortunate that everyone was chill and also young, but i actually still keep in touch with a lot of them to this day! from there i moved to gaiaonline, fb, started tumblr rpc around 2010-2011 through 2018, fell off tumblr rpc, was briefly abbacchio in jjba rp 2019-early 2020, fell off again bc my computer was dying and mental health, and now i'm back again as of this past may! best experiences. ok this is SO sappy i'm sorry but easily that i met my husband in mass effect rpc! i was only writing kaidan at the time, he also wrote kaidan, and one day he hit my inbox to tell me how much he really liked my kaidan muse and we bonded over it and kind of became each other's primary kaidans for our own sheps DKFHDKJFDSF. he came out to visit me and then just... did not go home DSKFDSKFJDSF and then we got married 3 years ago. he's my favorite writer and we still write with each other over discord to this day. <3 pet peeves / dealbreakers. i really don't know that i get annoyed by much but my anxiety does spike really easily so i do try to curate my feed accordingly. i've had bad experiences in the past and so i try to really have the vibe of like... maintaining that balance of passion and love for this hobby while also reiterating that it is just a hobby that should be fun way more than it should be stressful - and that i hope that there's no stress when interacting with me! muse preference (fluff, angst, smut). i am kind of a huge fluff person. when the real world stresses me out, i just want to write my muses being happy! i love thinking about them having fun and being with friends and being in love, but i also really love diving into emotions and a lot of my muses are complex enough that it leans into angst sometimes too, like hurt/comfort with an emphasis on comfort. i do have fun with really dynamic threads too, be it because there's a lot of snappy dialogue or because there's action or because i'm juggling more than one muse at a time etc. plots or memes. there's pros and cons to both. memes are great to kickstart things for me but i tend to really like the asks prompts that are more action-heavy than dialogue heavy, like "our muses are putting out a fire" as opposed to a quote from shakespeare that my muses are just too casual to ever say (although some of them are REALLY amazing quotes and do have their place!). i like to think i'm slowly getting better at plotting again (bizarrely i did not realize how much of a skill it had been for me until i hadn't done it for four years and then realized i didn't know how to do it anymore). long or short replies. here's the thing... i ramble. you all have figured that out by now probably. i sometimes accidentally make posts long. i do like to write and i LOVE to read long replies that have been so lovingly crafted for me. but my brain SUCKS and the longer a reply is, the more my brain gets psyched out in matching the length and then the longer it takes for me to reply. except then, when i go to actually reply, i wind up matching length like really easily, and i've waited five months to reply for nothing! i suck DFKSKFJDSF. best time to write. when i am supposed to be doing something else KDFHKDSFDSF. are you like your muse? i think there are aspects of me in all of my characters to some degree but i'm really only saying that because i can't pick one muse to talk about. characters who happen to be older siblings i've realized has become a bit of a staple of mine, especially when i can explore that "eldest daughter" idea with them, as an eldest child/daughter.
tagged by: @nvictive <3 bless you for giving me the opportunity to talk about myself again KSJNDFSDJNFDSF tagging: i'm so bad at tagging people so the person reading this KDSFKDSFDSFSF. if you're sitting there thinking oh shannon probably doesn't mean me, yes i do. do it. take it. tell me about yourself. tag me and make me read it.
7 notes · View notes
every-sanji · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
22 notes · View notes