#god now I can start going to sleep at relatively reasonable times again

[iamthemaestro]

step 1: get yourself a man in uniform*

step 2: take it off him

*percy’s uniform is most inspired by the 1787 pattern british naval captain’s uniform but is ultimately a fantasy given that his story takes place in a world that is similar to, but not quite, ours. I make this disclaimer mostly for myself as someone obsessed with historical accuracy. anyway. it looks pretty and that’s the most important part after all

[werezmastarbucks]

you give me a dog, i ask no questions

pic credit

masterlist - part 3 of 6

in which yoongi drives six hours to make you fall in love with him

yoongi x reader

word count: 4291

warnings: Yoongi's pov present in this chapter

music: spring attitude by sunwoojunga, lmly by jackson wang

Namjoon wasn't lying when he said you're stuck with them for the time being. After the party, you were officially welcomed into the Kim sibling company if not family; their parents lived outside Seoul so you saw them two mainly. You had no idea what insane tales of your hardship and bravery Minji kept telling her brother, but he started treating you even better, offering to send his driver to take you to nearby towns you hadn't visited yet. He then extended several personal favors to you, including but not limited by, providing food and medicine when you caught Covid in December. You feared Minji told Namjoon you were into him since she has forced it out of you. But so far, there were thankfully no advances. Your heart had no capacity for love now; the drama that this kind of relationship would bring deterred you greatly. Again, you preferred your relatively stable and peaceful life. You were immensely grateful that not many things changed after you met - gasp! - BTS. You heard they went on mini-tour in Asia, then returned; Minji shared some news with you and you even followed Namjoon on Instagram.

You asked Minji once about her affair with Yoongi:

"How's your rebound going?"

Minji looked quite happy.

"Ha, so good".

Then she was sad.

"I haven't told Nam yet. I don't know how he'll react... he is his hyung, you know... I'm afraid he'll break his beautiful face if he finds out".

"You said they were brothers..."

She tragically waved her hand and thus, the conversation was over. She found it too hard to talk about, for some reason. Her sleeping with one of her brother's bestest friends, what can go wrong? You shrugged internally and let it go.

In February Hoseok had his birthday and he inconveniently recalled your name, so you got an invitation card. He was the guy who danced all the time, you remembered. By then, you learned a little more about all the guys, of course, but not too much, not to spoil your relation to them in reality. You knew he clapped furiously when he laughed, that he laughed a lot, that he was one of the best dancers in South Korea, and that he adored brands, and brands adored him. You found you enjoyed some of his songs, specifically, Blue Side. It was very fitting for a spring. And spring was almost upon Seoul.

Visiting his birthday was very similar to the September celebration, only it was held on land. Large studio equipped with musical instruments turned that party into an improvised show. Namjoon was being classy and mature again, you brought a piece of art as a present again, Taehyung pecked you with his 'no worries' again, Jimin was gentle again, and so on. Yoongi started that party a little happier than on the boat which you attributed to his hatred of water although he never proclaimed having it. The party was alright. All danced, Minji sang as they played instruments, and Hoseok was showing off his new choreo. A year ago you'd think it all sounded like a fever dream, but they were, in fact, normal actual people, and drank the same way.

You found yourself tucked in the corner of the room as usual, a party hater label bright and neon on your forehead. Yoongi would join you once in a while, a similar label highlighting his high royal cheekbones, and you'd chat peacefully about music, and work, and weather. Then he'd set off and return: have you eaten? He was a good guy, actually. Another stupid thing, you realized he is not actually unattractive. God knows what's gotten into you earlier, when you just met him. Maybe he opened up a little and you found how gentle he is with all things around him. The feature you took for aloofness was caution, probably. You kept remembering Minji's words. They had to be careful with new people.

February came and went, and spring jolted the city with life. Breathing was sweet and easy, and you were in good mood almost every day, which was a new thing. Minji helped a lot. You got to see each other every week at least once, and this groundedness set you on the right course for healing.

One day in late March you got a call from her, and her voice was soaking with that sound that always made the hair on the back of your neck stand.

"You like animals, right?" she asked.

"Of course. I love animals".

"Dogs?" it wasn't Minji's voice anymore. You listened.

"I love dogs?" you half-questioned. It was a statement, but you were a little taken aback.

"Yoongi wants to ask you for a favor", her voice, giggling, got literally slapped away from the phone, and you could hear it.

"Yoongi?"

"Hi".

You settled on the couch and observed your living room.

"Minji said you really love animals and currently don't have a pet, and I", he sighed deeply, like a poet that's staring down the rocky waterfall he's about to jump, "have a problem. I don't have anybody to stay with my dog, and we're leaving for a... mini-tour".

"A dog?!" was all you heard. The thought of dog swept all other thoughts from your head, puff, they're gone. A dog, for yourself?

"Yes!" you yelled, while Yoongi was trying to say something else. You heard Minji's laughter next to him.

"I told you she'd agree with no questions asked".

"Listen lady, when someone offers me a dog, I say yes", you stated firmly, "it's a dog. How long do you need?"

"Well", Yoongi was now laughing as well, his voice like low vibration in your phone, "we're away for three weeks, if that's okay with you..."

"Can you make it longer?"

Another chuckle.

"How many dogs?"

"Just one".

"Do you have more?"

You gave them something to laugh about. It was a good day for you. You loved dogs, end of story. They, of course, clarified that Minji herself was allergic, so she couldn't babysit the angel named Holly. Yoongi's parents were three hours away from Seoul, and his best friend was leaving the city for a holiday. You didn't need all this information, but accepted it.

"We should probably meet up", you suggested after a little thought. "The dog has to see the sitter and the owner together to get used to me".

"Yes", Yoongi sounded impressed, "you've done this before?"

"Once. I am great with dogs. I will protect her with my life and let her sleep in my bed".

"It's a boy though".

"Holly is a boy?"

He sighed,

"Yes, why? It's a unisex name".

You didn't think it was, but let it go. You started thinking out loud about the logistics of it. You decided to meet up a couple of times before Yoongi turns into SUGA and retreats into the world of touring.

"That's a big favor, thank you", he said again. You retorted,

"I am not trying to be funny, I really love animals".

"Thank you", his voice was smiling.

As Yoongi hung up, he threw himself back on his chair, and the chair moaned with pleasure.

Minji was clutching her fists, eyebrows high on her forehead.

"I told you. Easy! High five!"

Yoongi felt too drained psychologically to high five her.

"Don't you find her a little too eager?"

"That means what? That she might want to see you? Shouldn't it be a good sign?"

As she usually did, Minji suddenly got up and started looking for her bag. Yoongi pointed to it with his finger, it lay on the sofa next to his broken guitar. The studio felt completely deoxygenated when this girl was in; he wanted to open a window but there was none.

"I gotta go", she clutched her bag in her sharp nails and hopped in place.

Yoongi narrowed his eyes.

"Blushing. Where are you going?"

"Pfft. None of your business, hyung. If more than one brother starts bossing me around, I'll jump off a roof".

"You got a boyfriend?" he guessed, just slightly alarmed.

"And if I do, then what?"

Minji got caught into the trap of his serious, attentive eyes.

"Is he normal?"

"He is great, actually. You'll love him..."

As he heard what he needed, he raised his hand and started shaking it in the air.

"No more. I got it. None of my business".

Minji smiled happily.

"I hope she can stand your hundred year old grandpa attitude. Try to tone it down with her".

He pressed his finger against his lips, begging her to be quiet.

"Discharged".

"Thank you, Jagi Minji, for helping me to come up with a plan to get with my crush", she said in a tiny voice. Yoongi gave her a death stare but did say:

"Thank you. Now please leave, Minji-ah".

He then fell forwards again, onto his keyboard.

It was almost exactly a year since you met Minji, and you ruminated about it while waiting for Yoongi and Holly next to a coffeeshop. He was running a little late, but it didn't matter; your mind was far away, at the beginning of this friend-love story, on a day like this when cherries didn't start losing their petals yet, and the whole city cleaned itself, or seemed to be cleaner, just for a while, for this magical period of spring. You breathed with full chest, blinking in the sunlight, feeling absolutely lucky standing next to these trees, your feet firm on the dark gray asphalt with the types of symbols you understood now, and you looked at the city which you also understood now, and you loved it.

You noticed Yoongi's broad frame in a white tee with jean jacket on top, with a black cap sitting on his head and hiding half of his face. He had a little milk chocolate toy poodle on a leash, the dog was not just running, it was hopping every other step, clearly just exactly as happy about spring as you were. The second you made sure it was really them, you stepped forward and then watched the dog, while Yoongi watched you.

"Hey. Sorry we're late. He pooped on a maejanamu next to our house, and I had to..." Yoongi changed his hand that held the leash as Holly started hopping to and fro, following your hands that played with his snoot. "Get it off the leaves".

You chuckled as imagination painted a picture for you.

"That's okay. Look at the weather. I am absolutely in love with your dog".

"I guess it's not that hard for a dog to enfatuate you".

His overly careful pronunciation contrasted with his advanced vocabulary.

You stood up and and faced him, seeing his weekend face, hair tucked behind the ears and under the cap, the brim of it shielding the eyes that were too recognizable for a busy street.

"Are you okay here? Should we go somewhere?" you asked. He nodded gratefully, but his reply didn't match:

"No, it's okay. Do you want coffee? I need an Americano".

You entered the coffeeshop together and he pulled the leash gently, asking Holly to stay closer. You noticed the dog was relatively well-behaved. He didn't really want to adhere to Yoongi's tugs, but had a habit of doing so. Holly was really busy sniffing your whole leg.

"Is it tiring?" you pressed, curious and a little sorrowful about his bowed head. He probably didn't notice anymore? His shoulders were down, shrunken into him like he was trying to seem smaller. And his chin was down, even when he smiled.

"Hiding your face?"

"I think..." he paused to look at the menu and raised his head a little. "The world sees my face too often. I'd prefer to be seen less", ironic smile was curving his lips. This shade of pink, and their plumpness reminded you of Minji and you stopped staring.

"What do you want?" he asked in his usual low, indifferent voice. Without the glamour of black wavy strands of hair falling on his face he seemed more manly, and way more comfortable to be around.

"Do you want to take the leash?" he asked as you walked down the street. The route led you into the square and he passed the leash to you, securing the subtle heaviness of Holly's body into your care. He watched you and the dog carefully, saying nothing, just walking next to you.

"You like spring?" he asked simply, in his funny accent, making a slight pause before 'spring', putting there an invisible comma with his teeth.

"I've never seen such a beautiful spring anywhere else. Last year I was already here for it. It just feels like waking up from a coma", you confessed. Then you remembered:

"You had a birthday recently, right?"

He closed his eyes shortly, like it was something embarrassing.

"Yeah".

"Why didn't you invite me? I've only collected Hoseok and Namjoon so far".

He chuckled dryly.

"I don't celebrate?"

"Why not?"

Yoongi sucked the air through his teeth and you understood he didn't want this to be spoken about.

"You don't have to say", you added quickly. Holly tugged on the leash, and, to spare him of the need of being nice, you asked,

"How lenient should I be with him?"

"He is very spoiled", Yoongi responded, and then smiled to himself. "Don't let him sit on your head".

So you talked a little about his habits, and how he eats, and what he doesn't like eating, and what he needs to eat but will pretend like it's poison to avoid eating.

"He is six", Yoongi was explaining, "so at this point he needs a good diet. So, only the food I'll bring, and maybe a piece of sausage from the table once a week".

Holly was running in front of you carefree, constantly getting distracted and trying to get you to break the route. His fluffy butt was very funny, you almost couldn't see it without laughing because of how he moved his slim tail. Twice to the left, once to the right.

"I should've taken him to groomer"", Yoongi sighed, "but I forgot".

"It's okay. I'll brush him".

"You really like dogs unconditionally, don't you?" he grinned.

"All animals. Hate humans. Will never do humansitting".

Yoongi nodded the same way he did when he was memorizing. Like an AI, updating memory.

"I'll ask Minji to babysit my pet human then. If she's not allergic".

There was about a fraction of annoyance to what he said, and you instantly felt put off by the idea of their entanglements.

"So, idols do have humans as pets then", you concluded darkly. Like before, Yoongi caught on your joke and supported it effortlessly.

"People wanna call them slaves for some reason. I feed them, so what's the problem, you know?"

You nodded solemnly.

You made a circle around the square, breathing the air deeply, like it was therapy. By the end of it Yoongi was even humming something under his breath. Then you passed him the leash. Your coffee cup was empty, so you threw it into the bin; he had vacuumed his the minute after you left the coffeeshop. And thus, the first assimilation procedure was over. You gave each other a respectful bow, he took Holly and left. You looked at the pair as they were crossing the road, from under the pink canopy, and thought, how swell that Minji has him. Because if she didn't, you'd fall for him, and that would've been a whole lot of drama.

It's a good thing Yoongi drank iced Americano because they were late again, and this time, around ten minutes. He apologized profusely, while cars sped up parallel to you, and the evening city hummed and grumbled like a giant waking up. The tip of pink shone like a lonely star on top of Seoul Tower. Yoongi bowed almost ninety degrees and you had to grab him by the shoulder.

"Sorry", he said again, and your hands got interlocked, exchanging things, him, pushing the leash into your palm and you, trying to hand him a coffee.

He asked you about four times if it was okay to meet later because he was at the studio, or whatever they called that huge building in the center, all day. You had nothing better to do after work, and it wasn't night yet. People were getting off work and heading to Itaewon. You went into the opposite direction, searching for quiet parks.

"Where's yours?" he asked.

"You bought me coffee last time", you noted from the ground, where you squatted, letting Holly sniff your face.

"You don't owe me anything", he said simply.

He had his black cap on, but the T-shirt changed. Otherwise, Yoongi was the same. Quiet, polite and with double bottom. Relieved of Holly's insignificant pull, he massaged his right shoulder.

"Training too much?" you chuckled.

He dropped his hand like a spell was broken, his face blank.

"Dammit. I had an surgery on this shoulder like a century ago. It hasn't hurt in years, and I still have the habit of fixing it. I don't know why".

"Oh, sorry. Maybe it's phantom pain? It stays sometimes".

You know yours did. He shook his head,

"No, not really".

He then went silent for a minute.

"When I was nineteen, I got hit by a car. One second I'm on my bike, and the next, I am under the wheel, and it's, how do you say, squeezing my shoulder out".

"Oh, shit", you said quickly. His face stayed unaffected, clearly, he wasn't torn about it anymore.

You guided Holly closer to yourself, where the light reflected from the river was making the path lighter.

"I think it tore off a little, so it did hurt for many years. But after operation it's very strong. I lift eighty".

You made the face you learnt here, from the locals: Ö.

Yoongi chuckled, as his hand flew up to his face, then, to the temple.

"Yes, I'm very strong".

"You look strong, but lifting eighty with one shoulder..."

He threw his hands up and squeezed his eyes shut:

"No, with both, with both".

"Oh. That's still cool. I lift... papers at the university, and groceries".

He grinned, showing his gums.

"You should come over", you switched, "for Holly to see you in my house".

It sounded a little awkward. You meant exactly what you said, no undertones, but still, it sounded out of the blue, and out of place. It was true though.

"Take Minji with you if you want".

"No, why", he protested, "I'll just come over when I bring Holly before I leave. I'll help you unpack his things and stuff".

"Yes, good thinking".

You turned to look at the river, gorgeous in blue and golden light of the tall buildings on the other side. You shut close and didn't speak about anything personal for the rest of the short walk. It wasn't longer than twenty minutes as you circled one section of the park, but it felt like hours, in some celestial type of way. You've never gone to parks after dark because you didn't have a male friend before. Now, the familiar paths and ponds looked different, like you crossed into the shadow realm, and the cherry petals shone blue in the unlit thickets. Yoongi rolled his eyes tiredly and looked at the ascending moon, his twin, in the sky. Your friendly instinct was to ask, tired? like he always asked you if you've eaten, but you bit your tongue. You gave the leash to him and he thanked you for the coffee.

"You live far? I should call you a taxi", he offered.

"No, it's not far away and not that late", you shook your head. Your hands formed a protective shield between you two, and he caved in.

"Okay. Be careful".

His short words, delicate like the petals, were simple and transparent, and it made you mad for some reason.

The good news were that he'd leave soon and you won't have to see him for three weeks. You also might hallucinate things sometimes so you cleared your head before he visited you with the dog.

You watched him kick off his shoes at the door and give no indication he thinks anything at all about your, frankly, cute apartment. You had no shame about it. The space was used well, the living room leading into the kitchen on one side and bedroom, on the other. Bedroom even looked like it belonged to a different dwelling, and you liked it. The wallpaper wasn't dark green, but beige-yellow, uninvasive, and the big window gave view of overhead train rails. That was the only downside: the sound of trains.

"Let's wash him", Yoongi suggested, quite joyfully.

As you strode into the bathroom, Holly kicking in his arms, you asked,

"Ready for the tour?"

"Uh-huh. Jimin- ah, Holly!"

The dog tried to jump out of the bath tub, and he pointed his finger at him. Poodle sat down immediately.

"You'll have to listen to noona Y/N. We're washing".

You turned on the water and you brushed shoulders, cosying up to the tub.

"Jimin?"

"Jimin strained his ankle, as always. If he doesn't, we know there will be trouble during one of the shows. Once he didn't injure himself before a world tour, and the stage collapsed under us on the first night".

You didn't know where to gasp. Although it was perfectly in line with all the amusing lore you knew about them.

"Did you get hurt?"

"Taehyung went under, but he's very nimble. He didn't even get hit. It was alright. But now, if the last training is done and Jimin is not injured, we hold him down and I take out the hammer".

You couldn't tell if he was completely joking or not. He soaped Holly up to his neck, and you helped with the head. After being corrected, the dog behaved angelically. His beady dark eyes followed your hands with no blinking.

"Is he afraid of water?"

"No, he's just aware that something is up".

"He'll be sad", you murmured.

"He knows I always come back. Just cuddle him. You'll do well. Speak Korean to him, of course, if you can".

A smile flashed. Yoongi tried to groom his hair with the clean hand, but the hair fell right back. You hated youself for noticing that one small strand that was close to his ear like the crescent.

Once out of the bathroom, he took one glimpse at your bookcase and said,

"Namjoon said you like Japanese literature?"

You were holding Holly in his towel on the floor, squeezing and rubbing him. Yoongi contentedly straightened his back and even stretched his arms.

"Yes".

No more comments about it. The tip of his tongue traveled to the corner of his lips, then he stepped to the door where all Holly's things were.

"Can I ask you something?"

It's been bothering you for a while.

He turned around, standing on one knee, his fingers tearing off the packaging from Holly's food.

"Yeah?"

"After the car accident, uh, do you, or did you have PTSD? I mean, you probably did, but for how long?"

You inhaled a lot of air into your lungs and stopped breathing. His face changed just a little. The memory update. The wolfcut, you realized. His hair, it had a name.

"I still have it, not so bad, though", he said simply. "It goes away little by little, but it takes time".

He paused, his hands working, but his head was still turned to you. He probably barely saw you, sitting against the window which let intense golden light into the living room.

"Why do you ask?"

You still weren't breathing and you figured you could go on like this because you didn't want to breathe in his scent lingering in your apartment. Woody, like one perfume you used to have when you were in school. Also, you didn't want to breathe, period.

"I was in an accident, too", you finally replied and turned back to Holly.

"Just wondering when I can sleep".

Yoongi was quiet for a while and you wondered if you went too far, but he was the only person who could probably understand you. To the full. Understand the intensity of horror when you're stuck against the unyielding machine.

"It will pass", he said simply. "Seems long, but every day it gets a little bit easier. You just have to let yourself twitch sometimes, if something scares you".

You released half-dry dog, and he shook off the water, tiny droplets exploding from him, flying away, pierced through with the golden sunlight. You felt like you'd just witnessed once in a lifetime event. You widened your eyes:

"Did you see this? So pretty! Did you see?"

Yoongi laughed with his shoulders, and there was some relief in his voice,

"Yes, I saw. Spring is pretty".

When he was finally leaving, Yoongi suddenly turned as if he remembered something.

"Do you want to go to our Seoul show? It will be the last one, at the end of April".

You were caught in your tracks.

"I... do?"

He nodded.

"Of course you do. You've never seen us live, have you? You will be blown away".

You chuckled at his sudden enthusiasm. His eyes even gleamed a little.

"I will ask them to take you backstage, the view is fine from there".

"Oh, backstage is..."

"No worries, no worries", Yoongi grinned, but didn't show the gums. Instead, he curved his lips like he knew something you didn't.

[my-pjo-stuff]

I feel like ranting about Chiron/CHB for a bit, so here you go:

WHY WERE CHILDREN SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR IN THE HERMES CABIN CHIRON? Would the gods start a hissy fit if Chiron built an extension onto the Hermes Cabin, or built a new one for the unclaimed campers? Cause if not, Chiron has a lot of explaining as to why he’s got an overcrowded cabin where kids have to sleep on the floor because theres no other room. I think the only reason it’s not talked about in fandom is because Percy doesn’t experience it for long before he’s claimed and gets to move into a cabin by himself, and even though the unclaimed campers are an important part of Ethan and Luke’s motivations to join Kronos, but because we’re in Percy’s POV while this happens, we as the readers don’t have to think about the poor living standards demigods have to deal with or be vulnerable to monsters attacking themselves & their families. This is happening when the gods take forever to claim a single kid, so some kids are going through years of being at camp and sleeping with a sleeping bag instead of an actual bed

additionally, being a head cousnellor at CHB cannot be good for your mental health. Firstly, you, as a teenager yourself, are now responsible for your siblings, and their survival and wellbeing, just because you’ve either gone on a quest or you’re the oldest in the cabin. That’s all the qualifications you need according to Chiron. Then you end up kids like Drew Tanaka, who has no problem with bullying and using Charmspeak on her siblings to get her way, or people like Luke, who’s heavily traumatised, who are deemed responsible and suitable enough to look after their cabins just because. Again, this isn’t brought up in canon and the fandom as a whole because none of the main characters have to deal with it. Percy and Jason have cabins to themselves, Annabeth only gets a POV once they’ve left camp to visit the Romans in HOO, and Piper and Leo don’t get to spend any time as on-page counsellors before going to Camp Jupiter and the rest of HOO. This kind of environment where a teenager has to look after siblings can’t be good for either of them, and the head counsellor can only be got rid of by a challenger, whose either older or been on a quest. (Because questing apparently means you’re ready for the emotional toll of leading a full cabin through war and grief, as well as dealing with problems maturely, according to Rick.) so if you’re in a cabin that doesn’t get picked for quests, like the Aphrodite Cabin, you’re basically screwed until the counsellor finally leaves camp.

PREACH ONG. GENUIENLY. I think we all forget how BAD CHB is, especially since the only point of comparison we have for a demigod camp is Camp "We Basically Do Eugenics Per Wolf Goddess In The Woods" Jupiter. Camp Halfblood is genuinely a shit place to be. There are two adults in that camp at all times, Dionysus who we all know is unreliable and Chiron who obviously plays huge favorites at all times. (Remember when he abandoned his duties for a good year to go teach Percy at the start of TLT?). There are what? 100+ kids or more in CHB at the height of summer? There's no WAY that either Chiron or Dionysus are actually looking after them, it's just mathematically impossible. And this isn't even factoring in the year-rounders. We have countless studies showing how harmful it can be for a kid to have to take on so much responsibility so early. Especially if the counselors have to either go on a quest or be the oldest to be counselor.

Imagine returning for a highly traumatic, dangerous event where the chance is pretty high that one or more of your friends got seriously injured or died. And then when you get back to the relative safety of CHB you suddenly are put in charge of 20+ other kids and told to look after them.

Alternatively, imagine seeing all your older siblings either age out and abandon you or die doing whatever your neglectful parent wanted them to do. So often and so consistently and suddenly you are the one one left. You'd have seen most of your cabin probably die or leave at that point, and now you are suddenly told you are in charge of all these kids you don't now. Y'all think that wouldn't mess with a kid? Fuck them up at least a little bit? We know for a fact that CHB does NOT provide any help on the mental department whatsoever and expects their kids to just get "over it". Imagine trying to be vulnerable in a place like that.

And this ain't even touching on the fact that "being a year-rounder" isn't a requirement for counselor either. Which means there must have been some cabin counselors who went home after the summer and thus weren't even present at camp most of the time. Imagine having a counselor like that as a year-rounder, being forced to look after yourself most the time only to then get some random teen every summer bossing you around. And everyone acting and expecting you to treat this teen as some sort of authority figure to listen to.

[drconstellation]

Come Back When You Can Make A Whale

This is going to contain some speculation for S3, so you know what to do! Or not do!

SITIS: What did God say? JOB: Um... I'm not sure. I didn't understand much. Things too wonderful for me. Ostriches came into it. SITIS: Ostriches? JOB: And whales. God's very proud of the whale. Went into some detail about... how great whales are. SITIS: But did They explain? JOB: [shakes head] I think the point was, if you want answers, come back when you can make a whale.

Whales, huh?

If you aren't well read, this could be quite the misdirection. It should be reasonably obvious, given who is doing the talking - Job - what he is actually referring to, then we can join a couple of dots to make some speculative leaps.

You still with me?

No? Then let us start with how do you make a whale?

By giving it another name.

Leviathan.

Chapter 41 of the Book of Job is all about the Leviathan, a great sinuous sea serpent with impenetrable scales and breath like fire. It sleeps beneath the sea until the end of days. Over time it came to be associated with any sea monster, then anything large, and what is the largest animal ever known to have lived? The whale.

The top of the matchbox is also worth a look. We have a skull and crossbones, which is classic Memento mori symbolism, fitting in with the resurrection theme of the Second Coming - but look at the way the address of the pub is spelt! Now, this not the same way it is spelt on the record single Maggie gives to Aziraphale; Goatgate is spelt as one word, not two. A little bit of searching reveals the meaning behind this fictional address that backs up and reinforces the quote on the side of the matchbox.

Strong's Concordance for 66 gives us "wild, savage, fierce." Goatgate is an interesting one, because it turns out to be a relatively modern term from the urban dictionary, and I'm just going to refer to the polite version of it here - it's another word for "mouth." So 66 Goatgate is a "fierce and savage mouth." Yes, that does sound about right - in more ways than one, once you know who it is. (If you want to look up the impolite version, go ahead - I'm sure you will still find the connotations very amusing.)

Our metaphorical Leviathan is Crowley. He gave the game away at the end of S1 during the appearance-swap.

This also means Aziraphale is his counterpart, Behemoth. Why - well, I made a bit of joke in my post here that he was playing at being a "river horse" while he wallowed in the bath of holy water during his part of the appearance-swap scene. Modern day scholars think the description of Behemoth in the Bible may be that of a hippopotamus in real life history. If that is so, I'd still be betting this is what the "dark horse" comment from Nina in S2E1 is foreshadowing.

Maybe none of this new to you if you've been hanging around the the fandom for a while. That's fine, I'm just trying to establish the scene. And the next bit we need to talk about is this one, where Job gets a lecture from God.

During this sequence, we hear lines that come from Job 38 and 39.

GOD: Job, if you have questions for me, I have questions for you. Do you know how I created the earth? Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth, Job? Were you there when all the morning stars sang together and all the Angels shouted for joy?

These lines are paraphrasing some of the beginning of Job 38.

Then we have:

GOD: Do you know the rules of the heavens? Did you set the constellations in the sky? Can you send lightning bolts and get them to report back to you? Did you give wings to peacocks, Job, or teach the ostrich to run?

These lines are again, paraphrasing Job, half from 38 and half from 39.

So then, we need to ask, why highlight these lines in particular?

Job 38 is mainly about setting the boundaries of the universe around us. The Earth might seem impossibly huge to a human, but it started with a single stone at its foundation. Earth and the other planets obey certain laws as they move around the Sun. The patterns of the stars in the sky take so long to change that it seems like they are set and inconstant. Even the chaotic form of lightning respects its Creator and returns to its point of origin.

From the last part of Chapter 38 to the end of 39 God challenges Job with a list of animals. The theme here is about freedom and wildness. Whether it is a noble lion, a loathsome crow, a nimble mountain goat, the head-strong wild ox or the willing war horse, they all flourish upon the Earth under the sight of the Almighty. Even the mightiest and most fierce beasts of all, Behemoth and Leviathan, have a place, although only God has the means to control those two.

None of this needs a human to be involved. We are so often the center of our own universe, and try so hard to control every aspect of the world around us that we lose sight of the bigger picture. Shit happens. Some things are out of our control. That doesn't mean its your fault and you're wicked and damned to go to Hell because of it. And that was the point God was trying to make to Job. The world is a far bigger, wilder and chaotic than you can imagine, but its also incredibly beautiful, and it runs itself within the rules and limits that seem to be set by invisible forces you can't see.

So back to the script from the show.

The first set of questions from God could apply to both of the duo. They were both around when Earth was created and were more than likely there when the "morning stars" (the highest angels, such as Lucifer, Gabriel, Michael and angel!Beelzebub) sang together.

The second set of questions are the ones that seem to have got the most attention so far, with ops cross-matching them to things Crowley does in S2.

Do you know the rules of the heavens?

Did you set the constellations in the sky?

Can you send lightning bolts and get them to report back to you?

Did you give wings to peacocks, Job...

(I make a suggestion this has something to do with Michael, but also see comments below)

...or teach the ostrich to run?

The first three of those questions are fairly straight forward, and I doubt many would dispute what they are referring to. But the reference to the peacock and the ostrich are more subtle and curious, and I would like to take a moment to look at the actual verse - because it is only one verse that is providing both questions - that is being paraphrased here.

Job 39:13 Gavest thou the goodly wings unto the peacocks? or wings and feathers unto the ostrich?

Did you realize that the King James Version of the Bible is the only one that mentions peacocks in this particular verse? All the other versions mentions the first sentence of that verse in relation to the wings of ostriches: "The wings of the ostrich wave proudly." The ostrich is considered a cruel and witless bird in the Bible, pleased with the way it looks, and seemingly careless about its young.

Why does that sound familiar...

Shax thinks this ostrich feather-clad angel in disguise isn't too smart either.

So using the peacock line is a curious choice in the script. Other than the "eyes" in the tail of the peacock having a connection to Michael's many watchful eyes on the world, it's still not clear how Crowley helped them upwards. Unless both lines are supposed to refer to Gabriel, and how the vain peacock was helped to both fly and run to a distant location in the stars.

Edit: Since I first wrote this, @beebopboom pointed me to some more peacock lore, and this helped me delve a bit deeper into them. Peacocks were associated with wealth and royalty, but they were also associated with immortality in early Christian beliefs. There was a belief that the flesh of the peacock did not decay after its death. The bright colours in its tail came from its eating venomous snakes, which reminded people of Christ becoming sin for humanity's sake (think of Crowley downing the laudanum to save Elspeth from Hell in the crypt in 1827, its a similar action.) The "eyes" on the males tail also represented the all-seeing eye of God. So we have a connection with both royalty and resurrection here.

(Oh - just as an interesting connection here - a number of the newer versions of the Bible not only don't mention the peacock in this verse, they compare the ostrich to the stork! The meaning is meant to be that the stork cares more for their young than the ostrich, but if you read the words at face value, you could take a double meaning away...)

Let us return to questions, answers, and whales.

Questions. Always questions. It's like the proverbial toddler who's always asking a never-ending string of "but, why?" for funsies and you just want them to shut up for a moment and think about the last thing you said first. They, too, are a bit like Job. They are the center of their own universe at that age, having not had much experience of the world. They have no grasp of how far it extends beyond them, and how little even we as adults know.

If at this point you're going "oh, no, no, no, no, op, please don't tell me the point of this meta is it's all ineffable," relax. I'm not.

The point was to set you up for some nice, juicy, awesomely sweet S3 speculation.

Because I believe Crowley will finally get to ask his questions of God.

(oh lordy, I made the mistake of taking a break to have a shower before trying to finish this off, because I was having trouble seeing how to finish this in a tidy way, and that caused me to have "shower thoughts" and now the nice sweet simple speculation has turned into a slightly bat-shit crazy kind-of one, although still on the same track as what I was originally thinking. Here goes...)

We have this three card spread from waaay back at the beginning of S1. We all think its something to do with the three babies.

What if its not?

Because we need something like this to happen again - Aziraphale and Crowley either side of a third protagonist. What if it's the King of Kings, Love personified, Jesus, in the middle? (Or Adam again, I wouldn't discount that option either...)

If you would look at the GIF and the screenshot together again and go, well that makes, sense, white for the angel on the right, and green for the demon on the left, I would jump up and shout at you - NO!

Look at the cards again! In the Tarot, that's the Ace of Swords on the right - it belongs to Aziraphale. It's a very powerful card, about new beginnings and change.* Lets call the one of the left Knight of Wands, which also represents the element of Fire. Knights are all about movement and journeys. Who owns the Bentley? And look what Gabriel has instinctively done with his hands - he has held his screen-left hand out to Aziraphale, the Sword, the angel who wears green, and his right hand out to Crowley, the Knight of Fire. The yin and yang qualities are actually swapped. That was what I was trying to tell you in this post. They aren't as obvious as they seem at first glance.

And love is the answer, it turns out. Did you see my comment the other day on another post? In Strong's Concordance 25 = to love.

Anyway, we should get a third parallel scene somewhat like this, and like when Aziraphale and Crowley took Adam out of time to talk to him in S1.

Only this time the three of them (with who ever is in the middle) should be having a talk with God about what is or isn't supposed to happen.

JOB: I think the point was, if you want answers, come back when you can make a whale.

Crowley could be a literal serpent (though I would be very surprised if he did manifest that way) but it should be a metaphorical Leviathan that stands before the Almighty to ask his questions and get his answers. And it will be that he has earned the right to be there, because he finally understands the lessons of Job.

@makewayforbigcrossducks I hope this answers one of your questions

*The Ace of Swords speaks of new beginnings, but it is a two-edged sword that can cut both ways. It is strength in adversity, victory out of struggle, good out of evil, a change in the old order on the way.

[oibean]

I had a thought about John Price? (could work w anyone really) and f!reader that I needed to get out of my brain

Also shoutout to my fellow pillow humpers

Warnings: mutual masturbation, pillow humping, a non-writer writing (pls let me know if I should tag anything else)

Something something. Having John stay over for the first time, you two are early in a relationship. Maybe his mission ended early and you lived close to base or he just wanted to go see you asap or whatever. He doesn’t feel like showering and knows how particular you are/how you feel about him not showering after missions and laying in your bed so like a gentleman he opts to sleep on the couch bc he’s just so tired. He grabs a random pillow but that’s your humping pillow!

“Oops, not that one” you say feeling your face warm up and oh god is your forehead vein starting to show? Is the fan on? He looks at you confused.

“This one’s fine love. I don’t need anything fancy. Keep your nice pillows with you on your bed” he says tired from his flight. He has a small smile, tired eyes sparkling as they look at you.

“No no it’s just that I don’t want you using that pillow in particular, please” oh god this can’t be happening. You fidget with the ring on your thumb spinning it nervously. How are you gonna tell him that this is your designated humping pillow? How do you explain that the only way you get off is from humping that small rectangular pillow he’s currently pressing his cheek against?

He looks a bit more aware now. Maybe you're particular about your things and he crossed a line just moving it without asking, or it’s from a dear friend who you don’t get to see too often, or a deceased relative who you only have this pillow to remember them by. Whatever the reason he lifts his head and moves the pillow from under him. But before he can apologize and move to switch pillows you blurt out

“It’s just that’s the pillow I use when I- when I need to get off and I just didn’t get to put it away before you got here, I’m so sorry” you say it fast and stumble over each word. Cringing as you hear the sentence fall out of your mouth. Your eyes look at anything but him. Missing the mischievous look that he gets.

“It’s what?” His accent a tiny bit thicker than a few seconds ago. You look at him and he’s awake now. Sitting up and holding the pillow over his crotch. He feigns innocence and continues on. “I don’t understand love, can you say that again”

You frown a little bit. He heard you, he’s doing this to watch you squirm and since you don’t know how to free yourself from under his heavy gaze. You accept your fate. Like a bug stuck in a sticky trap.

“I- um” you really don’t think your heart has ever pumped this hard from pure embarrassment. You gulp, so loud that you both hear it and push through because you know there’s no way he’s gonna let you drop this conversation. So you word vomit, seeing no other option than to over share. Which he absolutely loves. It’s his favorite thing that you do.

“I can’t make myself- I can’t- get off with my fingers. I’ve tried my fingers and it just doesn’t work. I’ve only ever been able to use a pillow and just stuck with it” You don’t know what else to say so you say nothing, feeling the air get thicker in your small apartment. You look at him on the couch, legs spread wider and his big hands clutching onto the pillow so its shape is all warped. He looked at you like he was listening to the most interesting story in the world. With a blink, his face turns serious and his eyes darken.

“Show me.” His voice is husky and his gravely voice fills the quiet apartment.

You look at him with your eyebrows raised in surprise. You didn’t expect that, hoping he would drop it when he heard your shaky voice reveal something you’ve never said out loud, hoping he'd grant you some relief. Suddenly your tank top and sleep shorts feel too revealing and his gaze felt too heavy. You felt exposed and felt your core warming as his gaze stayed on you. Maybe he was joking? So you let out a forced huff of a laugh, hoping he wouldn’t push. But his face doesn’t move. You gulp and look down, shifting your weight from one leg to another.

“Show me, love” he repeats again adding the term of endearment to soften you up a bit, and honestly, it does. His hand holds out the small pillow towards you and you grab it. Both of you make your way to your bedroom in silence, he's so close you can feel his body heat. Both of you breathing heavily for different reasons.

His tall, broad figure looms over you as you slowly move towards your made bed. Trying to think about how to approach this. You lay flat against your bed on your stomach and peek up at him as your head hits your regular pillow. Usually you're under your comforter, but you assume that’s not what he’d want and push it to the other side of the bed. You start to get embarrassed as to what it might look like from his angle when you start, but try to ignore it as you place your head against your pillow. You close your eyes and slowly start making small circles with your cunt against the small pillow, one leg angled and the other straight. You look up at him and let out a little huff. His dark eyes look down on you as he palms himself through his sweats, fighting the urge to touch you. You unconsciously move a bit faster at the sight of him, he's looking at you as if you're the only thing that exists. You let out a whimper, not getting enough friction. You hate when that happens, and why now?

“That’s alright poor thing, keep going.” He has to bite his lip to restrain himself when you look up at him with desperate eyes. He pushes his sweats and boxers down and gently pushes them away with his foot as if any sudden movement would disturb this moment. He watches your body contort as you try to find your rhythm again, thighs clenching hard around the small pillow, hips moving up and down, side to side.

He slowly grabs his cock, thumb spreading his precum over the head. He lets out a small hiss and your eyes open to look at him. Pleading eyes find his and he nods his head in encouragement. Your thighs squeeze the pillow even harder but it’s not enough so you prop yourself up on your forearms with both knees bent out on each side of the pillow and start grinding the pillow at different speeds, trying to find one that works.

“Fuck, poor baby. Can’t get it right can you?” You let out a small whimper and shake your head as your brows furrow in frustration. His eyes trace your body, stopping to look at your hard nipples under your thin tank top as you press yourself further up, arching your body. Palms pressing against your bed as you ride the pillow. If the room wasn’t so quiet he would’ve missed the small “oh” that leaves your lips as you finally find your rhythm. He spits into his hand and starts to stroke himself faster. You open your eyes to look at him before closing them, moaning louder at the sight of his big hand twisting on his thick cock. You both look at each other as you get closer to your releases. His hand and your grinding speed up as you both reach your highs.

“Look at me. Don’t close your eyes. Look at me when you finish” He lets out tightly, voice gruff as he tries to hold back from cumming at the sight of you. Your eyebrows furrow and your mouth gapes open as you reach your release. Letting out a moan as your body twitches, fighting to keep your eyes on him. He palms his cock faster as he looks you in the eyes, he takes a step forward till his legs touch the edge of your bed and lets out a groan as he cums onto your limp body. Most of it landing on your tank top and lower back. You let out a lazy smile into your pillow as he leans down and pushes a kiss onto your head. You hear him walk to your bathroom. Faucet turning on and off, his heavy footsteps getting closer.

“Why don’t we take this off and wipe you up?” His voice makes you want to melt. You lift your body as he carefully peels the tank top off of you. Then wipes your lower back with a small damp towel. Placing both of them in your hamper he leans down to kiss you.

“Know I’m still sweaty so I can go ba-“ you interrupt him by wrapping your arms around his head to pull him down into bed with you. Pressing your naked body, save for your wet underwear, against his fully naked body.

“It’s alright, we’re both sweaty and I want you to hold me please” you say as you gaze into his warm eyes, hands stroking his hairy chest.

“That’s fine love let me just get my pillow” he lets out a playful groan as he reaches behind you to grab the small pillow that now has a big wet patch in the middle. Your face gets hot as he brings it in front of you both, glancing at you before he brings the pillow to his face. Your face heats up as you turn your head into his neck not wanting to watch him as he presses it against his face.

⭐️I had to make him sniff the pillow. Duh! ⭐️if anyone has an interpretation of this please!!! share it with me. I didn't know who would best fit this. Also I wish I could make this dark but I'm not good at it so I would also love to listen to those thoughts! ⭐️This is just a thought that would not leave me until it was written down.

[kariachi]

Skimming a transcript of What Are Little Girls Made Of and damn, no wonder that girl jumped when Kevin said he wanted her to stick around. Verdona goes 'hey, run away to another planet with me, a relative you've known less than three hours' and when she turns to her parents for help her dad is just 'well I never got the chance to run off to another planet' and her mom- of "polite people don't glow" fame- starts off with "we hoped you'd take after my side of the family" before going down the 'we won't stop you' path.

Because gods know that shit's what a teenager who just had their life turned upside down wants to hear. Not 'you should sleep on it' or 'slow down mom you've been back like an hour' but 'I never got this chance' and 'we hoped you wouldn't be like this' and 'we won't stop you going'.

And of course Verdona just immediately 'that's that settled let's go' with no actual input from Gwen because she's like that. So Gwen runs off because everything is a lot, and the boys follow, and then Ben decides to be supportive. By telling her that yeah they'll miss her if she leaves for possibly forever, but it's okay because they'll easily be able to replace her on the team.

Just, Benjamin.

This is what happens when you're too focused on 'must be supportive' that you fail to read a fucking room. Of course Gwen immediately goes 'then I won't go' when Kevin says he wants her around, because she's got her grandma going 'fuck this shit come with me and you'll actually be happy', and her dad going 'this is opportunity I never got', and her mom's bullshit plus 'we're not gonna do anything to stop you going', and Ben immediately segueing how they can replace her- Poor girl is overwhelmed and uncertain and most definitely feels like all her relatives except the one who didn't give two shits until she showed the Spark are going 'we don't care about having you here or if we ever see you again'.

And then Kevin, who I am reasonably certain is a case of 80% selfishness and 20% being the only person here who can read a room, when asked if he agrees with Ben, says no. Say's he can't believe she'd even consider it. Says he wants her around.

And Gwen immediately takes it, because this girl is looking for fucking permission. Seriously. We've seen enough of the Tennysons to know they're a 'but they're family' family, and Gwen was raised to be very polite, and Verdona's a fucking whirlwind of a personality coming in like a tornado to flip her life and try to take her away, ten to one Gwen honestly at this point feels like all the pressure is on her to say yes. Verdona wants her to come along and while it's not their intention her family's attempts at support easily come off as 'are you still here?' And the things Gwen herself says on the matter, immediately going to how she'd probably be gone a long time, that she might not even come back, and her wondering if she even belongs- When Ben says they'd miss her she actually asks him if they really will. To which his response is functionally 'yes but we can replace you'.

Any doubts and uncertainties she already had, her family is just compounding them, and I think by the time she turns to Kevin she knows she doesn't want to leave. I think she always did, but with everything happening at once... I think she knew she didn't want to go, but was beginning to wonder if anyone would care if she did. She mentions having never felt entirely like she fit in, and with her mom's shit... Having everyone going 'yeah you should go right now we support you without question' just makes her feel like maybe she should go, whether she wants to or not, because clearly here, the people she's closest to are all but packing her things for her.

They don't mean to come off like that, they only want to support her, but they're so focused on supporting what they think she wants that they don't stop to learn what she does want, or even give her the time to figure that out herself.

Then she turns to Kevin. And Kevin's quote- "Why would you even think about it? I want you around."

And immediately 1) any doubts she's been having as regards going are validated in that 'why would you think about it', because she does not know this woman and is being asked to give up everything she does know on no notice for her promises, and 2) even if her grandma only gives a fuck because she's Sparky and her family are damn near shoving her out the door, somebody wants her around. The world won't just go 'whoo, finally got rid of her' if she leaves, at least one person would be sad to see her go.

Somebody agrees that this isn't just a 100% great deal we're so happy for you. Somebody will care if she's gone.

And that's all she needs, is someone to back her up on not going, and to make it known that she's wanted where she is. That the hole she would leave can't just have somebody else slotted into it and everything's fine.

And of course it's the guy from the broken home that gave it to her.

[klausinamarink]

Sophie Munson’s Best Christmas Gift Ever

rating: G | cw: none | tags: domestic fluff, child POV, transmasc Eddie, Steddie dads, side Buckingham, modern au | wc: 975

written for @steddieholidaydrabbles | Dec 25: Christmas

When Papa tucked Sophie to bed early, she was so excited about Christmas morning that she thought she would never sleep. But at some point while staring at the numbers on her clock, she went ka-poot.

She woke up once, just barely, when she felt Daddy kissing her forehead and saying something she couldn’t make out before she went back to sleep again.

When she woke up again, Sophie was full of excitement. Because it was Christmas! 

Except when she ran downstairs, she saw Aunt Robin and Chrissy sitting around the tree instead of her dads.

“Aunt Robs? Aunt Chris?” Sophie tilted her head, confused. Before she could ask where her dads were, they both swooped over and smothered her with so many kisses and “Merry Christmas!” Sophie started giggling and tried to escape from their hugs. 

“Your dads are at a very special place right now.” Aunt Robin said with a big smile. Sophie stared at her as the worst thought ever came to her.

“They’re dead!?” She shrieked. Aunt Robin’s smile dropped and her face paled to panic. Aunt Chrissy smacked her on the arm before turning to Sophie with a soft smile, “No, no, of course not! They’re just away to do something real important.”

Sophie looked at them before she crossed her arms with a huff, “Is this a grownup thing where they’re doing last minute Christmas stuff?” Then she gasped with a better thought, “Am I getting a much bigger present?” 

Her aunts looked at each other. They’re both trying hard not to smile for some reason. Hmmm, very suspicious. Aunt Chrissy giggled before she said, “In a way, yes!”

Sophie huffed again, “Well, can you-”

“Hey, Soapy Sops, do you want to open your presents?” Aunt Robin interrupted, waving her hands at the tree, “I bet you’re still real excited!”

Sophie was. She hurried to the tree and grabbed the presents. Most of them were from her dads, but she decided to open the ones from her other relatives. Aunt Chrissy recorded her while Sophie let Aunt Robin ‘ooo’d at her presents.

After Sophie fell in love with her new toy dragon from Grandpa Wayne, Aunt Robin’s phone started ringing. She made an ‘eep’ when she saw who was calling. She answered it and mouthed to Sophie, “it’s Daddy.”  

Sophie squealed, tried to clamber close to hear her dad, but Aunt Chrissy kept her away. “Shh, let Robin speak to him first.” She whispered and Sophie nodded.

“Steve! How was it!? Oh god, you sound tired. Is Eddie alright?” Aunt Robin’s eyes grew wide and bright at whatever Daddy was telling her. And then she gave out an excited scream and yelled louder, “OH MY GOD, CONGRATS!”

“What is it? Let me hear! Tell me, tell meeeeee!” This time, Aunt Chrissy let her free and Sophie tried again to get Aunt Robin’s phone. Her aunt nearly fell, holding her phone out in the air. 

“Wait, Steve-! Your daughter’s a menace, ugh, let me put you on speaker!” She tapped on the screen and then Daddy’s voice filled the room.

“-at you say?”

“Daddy!” Sophie plopped on Aunt Robin’s lap, happy to hear him again. “Where did you and Papa go?”

“Oh, Sophie, I’m so sorry we left but we have amazing news, pumpkin.”

“What is it?” Sophie’s eyes widened. Could this be the bigger last-minute present?

“You remember how we told you that your sibling wouldn’t be born until after the New Year?” He paused as Sophie said ‘uh-huh!’ “Well, I guess they were so excited that they came out of Papa’s belly for Christmas!”

Sophie froze for three seconds. Then she shrieked so loud and happily that Aunt Robin covered her mouth.

Sophie’s legs kicked back and forth on the way to the hospital. Even when she was standing on her two feet, she kept jumping up and down, ready to run to see her dads and brand-new sibling. That was how happy she was!

“Easy, Sophie.” Aunt Chrissy laughed, holding her hand while Aunt Robin held the other. “You don’t wanna trip.”

She almost tripped once they arrived at Papa's room. Daddy was already there to catch her and hoist her up to kiss her head.

“Daddy!” Sophie turned to point accusingly at her aunts. “Aunt Robin almost made me think you and Papa died! I was almost sad!”

Aunt Robin squawked. Aunt Chrissy covered her mouth with a laugh. Daddy just shook his head and tutted at Aunt Robin before he looked back at Sophie, “Now I know you’re excited, but just remember that Papa is very tired and babies can wake up easily. Try not to be super loud.”

Sophie nodded seriously. Then she was led into the room where she saw Papa lying on the bed, his hair tied up in a bun, with a blanketed bundle in his arms. Papa looked up and smiled at her.

“Hey, Sops.” Papa said quietly as he gently rocked the baby. Sophie stared down at her brother. He looked so small and red and ugly. Just like in her own baby photos.

“He looks like Baby Yoda.” Sophie said. 

Papa laughed softly, “He sure does.”

“Does that mean his name is Baby Yoda?” Behind her, her aunts cackled as quietly as they could.

Daddy laughed too, his hand on Sophie’s back as he looked at her. “No, we didn’t call your brother Baby Yoda. His name is Hunter.”

Sophie blinked, “Like the Pokémon?”

“Hunter. Without the ‘A’, pumpkin.” Papa corrected.

“Oh.” Sophie looked at her brother - Hunter - for a long time. Then she grinned with a firm nod. “I like it. Very metal.”

It was while she sat next to Papa and was allowed to hold Hunter that Sophie decided that not only she loved her brother, but this was the best Christmas gift ever.

[dragonologist-writings]

Title: Prayer and Ink Fandom: Dragon Age: Origins Rating: T Status: One-Shot Characters: Allys Mahariel, Zevran Ships: Mahariel/Zevran Additional Notes: Dalish Lore, Character Study, Quiet Moments Word Count: 1.4k Summary: A conversation about tattoos and vallaslin leads Zevran to reconsider what it means to have faith in something- and in someone.

read below or here on ao3

“Do they mean anything?”

The question catches Zevran by surprise. It’s been a long, tedious day of marching across the Imperial Highway, and the relative privacy and cool shade of the tent coupled with the rhythmic sensation of Allys’s fingers tracing against his skin has nearly lulled him to sleep. He slowly opens his eyes and turns his head, although Allys remains just out of view as she continues to lightly draw her fingertips over the designs that curl across his back.

“The tattoos?” he asks, and Allys hums thoughtfully.

“Is that what you call them?” Her fingers continue their journey, following the curves and lines of dark ink that wind between his shoulder blades, along his spine, down his hips.

Zevran gives her a half-shrug, gently so as not to disturb her inspection. “They are pretty. Must they have a meaning beyond that?” A grin creeps across his face. “And of course, they invite the attention of lovely Wardens.”

Allys laughs and ends her study of Zevran’s tattoos to reposition herself so that she is once again lying next to him, her bright brown eyes level with his. Her hair has been released from its typical tight bun and now falls past her shoulders, framing her face in a halo of dark curls. Even after a day of trudging through the Fereldan dirt and mud, her smile is warm as the sun.

She laughs at his compliments, but Zevran isn’t joking in the slightest when he calls her lovely.

“You know, when I first saw you, I thought they were a different type of vallaslin,” she says, resting her chin in her hand as her eyes roam over the tattooed path from Zevran’s brow down to his jawline. “I thought they might be meant for some god I didn’t recognize.”

“I suppose they still could be-is there a god for devilishly handsome sinners?”

Allys rolls her eyes. “I’m serious! Getting my vallaslin hurt like mad-but the pain is a sign of our devotion to the gods. That was the point, and the purpose made it easier. So it didn't make sense to me that someone would go through that without a reason."

“What can I say? We Antivans are willing to suffer for beauty.” Zevran flashes another smile, but it fades slightly as studies the vallaslin- the blood writing, they call it- across Allys’s face. He knows the lore behind the markings; his time with the Dalish provided him the chance to learn, and even to hear some of the legends of the gods. But his time with the clan was short and his education quick and basic, so there is much he still does not know. “What of yours, then? What purpose do they hold for you?”

With a gentle touch, Allys takes Zevran’s hand in hers and brings it to her face, so that his fingertips brush against the dark marks of her vallaslin. She guides his fingers across her features, tracing the lines of ink up her chin, across her cheekbones, over her brow. “These are for Andruil.”

“Ah, I remember her stories. She is the Huntress, yes? How very fitting.”

“I thought so, too,” Allys answers, pleased. She closes her eyes, leans into Zevran’s touch, and after a moment begins reciting something in elvhen. “Vir assan. Vir bor’assan. Vir adahlen.”

Zevran has no inkling what the words mean- he hadn’t stayed with the Dalish nearly long enough to learn any of the ancient language- but Allys’s voice, low and melodic, gives them a certain weight. It’s as if the meaning is right on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t quite capture it.

Noticing his expression, Allys explains. “It’s the Way of the Hunt- Andruil’s code. I started learning that code from the time I was tall enough to fire a bow. I’ve spent so much of my life in the woods, learning the teachings of Andruil. When the time came to choose my vallaslin, it seemed appropriate to honor her.”

Zevran is silent for a moment, thinking back to his time with the Dalish. He’s learned the legends and the names of their gods, but the reverence with which the Dalish speak of their Pantheon…that isn’t something so easily taught. “Do you really believe in all those legends? They are good tales to tell, I give you that, but…”

Allys’s voice betrays no doubt when she answers. “I do.”

“Even in the midst of…” Zevran vaguely waves his hand, motioning to the entire world of calamity beyond the quiet sanctity of their tent. “…of all of this?”

“Even so.” Allys’s smile turns thoughtful, and her eyes go distant for a moment. “Maybe the gods themselves cannot step in and stop the Blight for us, but their presence is felt- by the Dalish, by me. It is because of Andruil and her lessons that I am alive today, that I have the skills to bring this destruction to an end.”

And there it is again- that sensation of being so close to something, but not managing to grasp it enough to even identify the feeling. In a way, it reminds Zevran of the Andrastians and their Maker. Something that just almost speaks to Zevran, but isn’t quite his.

Perhaps Zevran’s contemplation is showing on his face, for Allys gives him a searching look and asks, “What do you believe?”

Zevran quickly banishes his muddled thoughts and gives her a wry smile. “I am an assassin. The only things we believe in are steel and gold.”

Yes, steel and gold. Things that are solid and real, if somewhat less poetic than songs and prayer. It could be that in another life- one where the Crows weren’t constantly on his tail, one where he was able to settle somewhere for more than a few short weeks, perhaps even one where his mother never separated from her clan in the first place- he would have been able to take the time to study and prove himself and become part of the Dalish in truth, earning his own vallaslin. Perhaps in that life, he believes in a purpose for himself, believes that a god may look his way.

But that is not a life that belongs to him, nor one that he can truly imagine.

And yet Allys looks at him with a softness in her gaze. She leans closer and tenderly presses a kiss against his temple, at the start of his curving tattoo, then follows the mark down his cheekbone, planting more soft kisses along the way. Finally she moves to his lips, and whispers, “I don’t think that’s true. And I don’t think you do, either. You’re a better person that you give yourself credit for, and you don’t get that way through greed and violence. Maybe it’s not the gods, but you must believe in something greater than what the Crows taught you.”

“What makes you so certain of that, dear Warden?”

“Because I have faith in you.” Allys kisses his lips, softly, and then pulls back, the previous mischief returning to her expression. “And just so you know, that’s why I like your tattoos. Because whatever meaning they do or don’t have, they’re yours.”

Zevran does not know what to say. He wants to tell her she’s wrong, to try and make her see that these tattoos she admires are nothing but decoration and embellishment, just as dashing and shallow as every other tool of his trade. But his throat is thick and the words won’t come, so he just kisses her again, deeper this time, and tries not to dwell too much on her words or the look in her eyes.

He thinks about it all later that night, of course. The thoughts simply won’t leave, and a part of him wishes he could go back to when things like this were easy. This should be easy. Just another mission, another conquest. But maybe…maybe Allys is not entirely wrong. Zevran is not a Crow any longer. In truth, he doesn’t know what he is. But when he thinks of the woman in his arms- the woman who not only spared his life, but showed him what his life could be worth- he realizes there is nowhere in this world he wouldn’t follow her.

It is terrifying, and exhilarating, and Zevran wonders if perhaps this is what it feels like to have faith.

[finitevoid]

HH-universe speedforce lore dump:

The speedforce is the cosmic force that exists outside of physical reality in all parts of the dcu. It is, to put it as simply as possible, the rawest form of concentrated energy. It is every shred of energy that ever was, is, and ever will be. it is all movement and change. when you move your arm, that’s the speedforce. when your cells respirate, that’s the speedforce. when time moves forward, that’s the speedforce.

it predates life, obviously. it will also outlive it. the speedforce is 4ever because it is time. chaos aligned magic users call it “the vastness”. order aligned magic users call it “time”. Constantine calls it That Fucking Thing I Don’t Ever Want To Deal With. the shazams call it “power”. the greek pantheon call it “lightning”. it’s one of those things that the more cosmic members of the dcu are all just kind of aware of and know exists but it’s so elevated beyond their comprehension that a. There’s no reason for them to engage directly with it and b. They really don’t fucking want to. It’s like looking god in the eyes.

the name “speedforce” was coined by max mercury three hundred years ago. it was the first name he thought to call it, went, “ugh, that’s stupid,” and couldn’t think of a better one.

It does not possess a consciousness and it is not alive but it’s also, to an extent, self-aware. It’s in kind of a gray area of sentience that’s beyond any human concept of the word. when humans and other complex life started showing up in the various universes it was like huh. What happens if I do this? and shot some of them up with pure concentrated speedforce and gave them a part of itself.

sooooo, speedsters are “speedforce conduits”. this essentially means that they’re jacked up directly to the speedforce’s brain juices and it makes them a. Very fast b. Cosmically elevated sometimes and c. Craaaaazy

the speedforce exists in all things BUT it actually does have a literal “home base” as it were. in the spaces in-between dimensions it exists, rushing past and through them. like the speedforce is a vast sea and the dimensions of the dcu exist in and on top of it. and none of this is super physical stuff, I’m talking like 6th dimension mind-bending nonsense right now

I see the speedforce called “speedster heaven” a lot and that’s not an untrue comparison but I think it’s more akin to nirvana if we’re comparing it as a mythological concept. the speedforce conduits LOVE being in the speedforce. It’s like a comforting feeling of being subsumed. Consumption as love. like they’re little satellites returning to the mother ship. It feels right. It feels correct to them. It’s like slotting back into place. so it brings them calm and contentment to be there. once inside, it’s deeply difficult to leave it.

important concept roundup:

relative time: refers to how when going super fast, time for speedforce conduits (can) continue to seem normal and linear. this means that the rest of the world inches by them, while their bodies and minds are moving at what seem to be to them a normal speed.

liminal time: a personal term for when a speedster is going so fast, and everything else seems so slow, that a speedster is completely and utterly alone in the transience of movement

healing factor: refers to how when injured, speedforce conduits will heal at a much faster rate than normal humans due to their bodies using their speedforce connection

fast/super metabolism: refers to how speedsters need to eat more and sleep less than most people because of that Raw Energy Coursing Through Them.

lightning rod: a speedster’s important person/people. Refers to when a speedster is in the speedforce, lost in the nirvana sauce, the only thing that can pull them back out again is the connections they have with people still in the physical world. if a lightning rod isn’t another speedster, they will form a connection-to-the-speedforce by proxy, which gives them certain boons such as: slower aging, slightly faster healing, immunity to injury by g-force and friction burn and other things that may be incurred by being carried at superspeed, and, inexplicably, immunity to mind-control, including THE ANTI-LIFE EQUATION. marry a speedster to avoid the apocalypse, ig

the black racer: the speedforce’s chosen speedster, who’s been like, squished and compressed until he’s just kind of a husk with just the speedforce inside, who is sent after speedsters who Need To Die Now. because of the above concepts, speedsters end up being kind of immortal. the speedforce will subsume them after bodily death, but they can return from such a situation if their connection to their lightning rods is strong enough. and the speedforce has a tendency to pick conduits with, um, panache, to put it nicely. so when speedsters come back who aren’t supposed to, the black racer goes wheee and tries to drag them back into the speedforce. If you can outrun it you’re pretty much set tho. It’ll always be there when you decide it’s time <3

mostly speedsters are funny guys. But they are above time. they exist almost outside of physical reality. the flesh is slow and clunky and inefficient. but they continue to inhabit the heavy meat sacks we call bodies because living is painful and beautiful and because of the power of love

speedsters are categorized as metahumans for a few reasons:

1. as far as we know, only people with dormant metagenes have ever become conduits, and after becoming conduits they had an activated-metagene. It’s reasonable to assume that the speedforce’s presence activates their metagene. however, their “meta” powers are not genetic, and are rather because of a connection to the speedforce. personally, I think this is because the speedforce is humoring our silly mortal need to have explanations for things

2. there’s no real other way to classify them. what qualitative distinction is there between a speedster and another human with meta powers? speedsters are on another tier of power, for sure, but they aren’t aliens, and they aren’t amazons or atlanteans. they’re regular humans with superpowers, so… metahumans

3. g gorgon godfrey loves to mock them all on national television so the oppression points are the same

all of the explanations for superspeed that predate knowledge of the speedforce are kinda just… people finding an explanation for something they almost understand but don’t. the speed equation, the chemical explosion, the metagene… it’s not anyone’s natural instinct to assume there’s a primordial force of pure energy out there giving you cosmic superpowers, so obviously your small mortal mind is gonna come up with a reason you can jog at the speed of sound before the fact that you can do that melts your brain

and prolonged and repeated exposure to the speedforce makes its conduits more and more insane and distanced from the thought of having a heavy slow fleshy body instead of being just Vibrating Molecules Of Pure Energy. this becomes an issue as they age

also being born a speedforce conduit makes your body age erratically and, occasionally, completely incorrectly. baby speedforce conduits have to control their increased and more direct proximity to the speedforce before they can be like at all functional human beings. for example. Wally remembers what it was like to function at a normal speed. Bart has no context for what such a life would even look like. Wally struggles with getting and staying connected to the speedforce. Bart struggles with slowing down enough to understand anyone around him

and that’s my HH speedforce lore dump thanks bye

[masschase]

for the ask meme, i’m kinda curious to learn more about johnny and casey’s dynamic. they hooked up right? how do you think an actual relationship between them would’ve gone?

Also a fun one and um... I've had the worst sleep last night so I apologise if this is horribly incoherent.

OK, so... if Casey and Shaundi is the hookup that happened way too late, Casey and Johnny was the thing that probably shouldn't have happened, at least from their perspective. I feel like I could go into all the reasons it did in fact happen and it would be a whole fricken post plus you-know-who is involved and I'm trying not to bring him up in these 🤣

But I feel like these are more about how things would work if they did get together, let's say that was their most logical starting point. Except maybe not quite. Their romance scene obviously goes hard and it shaped the way I write Casey as rambling when she's emotional until someone shuts her up which is one of my favourite things ever honestly. But I can also see it being an instant, intense... considerably goo-smeared... kiss the minute they reunite.

There are also other moments where it could have happened; after the shared grieving of Aisha and Carlos, just before the bank heist (yes, I can't get over that thing I wrote even if it doesn't fit Casey. It could easily be rewritten to fit Casey, honestly. All that would need changing would be the thing about that Boss being a spoilt rich kid.). Either way I see this being something that would be most likely happen on the ship because it's the only place it really fits in their history. So if it happened then...

I mean it's GatBoss for god's sakes. I'm pretty sure I shipped them while playing 4. At the early stages of my fanfic they were implied to have a much less platonic journey too. But now with the developed character Casey is it's a lot harder to see it.

I mean they do love each other, it's not so hard to reframe that as romantic love. They have fun together, they like the same things. The getting to know you stage was so long ago I feel like they'd have to do a lot of it all again. Casey would absolutely tease Johnny about the 10 year age gap because he's squicky about it whereas she's not too bothered.

I don't think they'd really engage in PDA, I think they'd be pretty cute behind closed doors though. I think they'd argue a lot because they can both be incredibly stubborn at times, but the makeup sex would be incredible. I don't know who the fuck is going to be their live in chef after they take the new planet because neither of those fuckers can cook. Honestly they can hire someone from the pods or it'll just be Ben.

Johnny is absolutely one of the first to call Casey out on her bullshit. Yes, again this would lead to arguments. But you have to bear in mind he also really gets how her excuses about relationships and marriage are in fact excuses because he's known her forever. Eventually she'd confide her full past in him and he'd just connect the dots.

What does this mean? I think they'd get married. Relatively quickly. Johnny would bring it up when Casey starting asking about kids, honestly, which we know is something she wants from the presidency onward. Almost like a "Aight if we're gonna talk about this we're gonna talk about ALL of this." sort of thing. They'd probably be planning it pre-GOOH(by which I mean Pierce would be planning it with some input from Casey, because we know Johnny's disastrous at that) and originally planning it to be on the ship but then... honestly...

I don't know where that whole volleyball tournament takes place. But one could imagine it was on some purgatory-ish beach somewhere. People from hell were allowed there, people from heaven were allowed there, Johnny and Kinzie were allowed there. That's where Johnny and Casey would get married. That way everyone could come. Everyone.

They'd make sure to do it before the war for the planet. Speaking of which, the whole "pairing people up to make them get along" would go out of the window. The action couple is absolutely going out there side by side. Possibly without the robots seeing how that discussion came about. But the Saints would still win, I think.

God I feel like my response here has gone off the rails a bit I was just going to talk about their dynamic haha. Would they stand the test of time? Maybe. I really can't stress enough that I've literally never sat down and thought about this before.

So yeah. In my universe it's definitely a platonic soulmates vibe. But it's really not that hard to imagine a world where it's not platonic.

[linguiniroll]

October 20th 2024

I was quite intentional about the type of therapist I wanted to sign up with. I wanted my therapist to be a man. A man that’s successful in multiple ways, a man who is fit (as in a clear disciplined gym goer), believes in god/spiritual, financially wealthy, a family man and objectively good looking. This was near impossible as a therapist but found a service where there are listed ‘life coaches’ instead but with therapist backgrounds but had more of a tough edge instead of traditional coddling. You can also view and see their socials and work to back it up. Their demographic is mostly men but there are some women that have signed up, me being one.

That list what not to distract for the reason of a crush or anything stupid and artificial like that, but because I want to genuinely learn from a seasoned man about where in my past I have gone wrong in different areas of my life. Where I can understand the opposite sex better without a female bias lens. One of the goals alongside the other reasons for why signing back up to therapy, is for July and general housekeeping.

I am a few sessions in now so he’s knows a fair bit. I haven’t cried in therapy much despite how many therapists I’ve tried in the past. However, the latest session with him I did. I acknowledged I struggle with being impulsive and there was a moment where I let my emotions get the better of me and started a confrontation with X over something silly, despite backing down shortly after and apologising when X called me out on being extreme (rightly so), it still caused escalated confrontation due to his upset and was used as part reasoning for the breakup two weeks later which I’ve been holding blame for.

My coach listened, took a pause before responding and said something so monumental. He said (our sessions are recorded so this is near accurate)

“Davina, you might have had a bratty emotionally reactive response, you might have apologised, but that will mean nothing to a man who hasn’t developed selfless emotional intelligence.

Around that time you were not only dealing with the insecurity of a job loss which also created financial insecurity, you were home alone, you had a relative with incurable cancer, you got attacked by two men, got Covid, couldn’t sleep properly due to anxiety, your boyfriend was spending more time being there for new developing relations. It wasn’t a ‘silly’ reaction, you were desperate for any sign of care and selfless affection from him. You were having a normal human reaction to a series of events which was absolutely not a reflection of your personality and core values. He failed as a man to safely respond to your emotional state. To the one person who has been there for him through all his lows and used those couple of weeks as an excuse to neglect you. To justify pinpointing negative blips that any power relationship has to convince himself you’re incompatible. Do you realise how pathetic that is? Your paths crossed when you were 22 and he was 23 and he’s about to turn 29 and now conveniently discovers you’re not compatible? That he needs to be single to focus on a career? That’s not a man, that’s a boy. Any man that tries to act noble by saying you deserve better to a woman is a cop out because they’re selfish beings at their core.

Again, this is not a reflection of you but an entire reflection of him. HE failed, not you, show more grace. No man who is finally on an upwards trajectory while his woman who has supported him through his trenches over the years, and is now going through her trenches, should use that new high of his to build them both back up. He was on a rise while you got floored from an unexpected hit and he abandoned you to nurture his own wants. Let him. If you’re going to cry and be heartbroken, make sure it’s over a man and not one who is just pretending to be one”

Anyway, that’s not even all of it, but needless to say I shut up and sat there angrily silently sobbing.

Bonus tough love things he said which is helping take X off a pedestal but also made me chuckle:

- “who the fuck does a heart chakra meditation and uses that as an excuse to act heartless?” (He cooked with this)

- “you’re telling me that he agreed to not venting to his younger male friend who hasn’t been in a similar situation, to then telling a 46 year old man who got out of a 14 year old relationship due to being cheated on who also doesn’t know you or your relationship history with each other and believed he wouldn’t have a bias? Even if subconscious? After meeting him once?! The daddy issues are strong here.”

- “Davina, what the fuck”

- “Davina, every time you defend his actions and try to show grace to what he’s done in the past, you’re allowing a stab to yourself. I know you still care about him, but he didn’t care about you then and doesn’t care about you now, enough”

- “there’s a word for that type of behaviour, it’s called being gullible”

- “anyone who makes fun of someone and labels it as a joke is not an intellectual”

- “peeling you an orange without asking him is a bare minimum”

- “defend him for ‘feeling pressure’ and make an excuse for his actions one more time and I’ll fire you as my client. I’ve felt pressure and didn’t abandon my wife when she was struggling. You’ve felt pressure and didn’t abandon him while he was struggling. He felt pressure while you were struggling and where is he now?”

- “I have coached men like this, I have been friends with men like this, I have been in business with men like this. It might not seem like it now, but it is a good thing he let you go. Women like you don’t need to be with unhealed narcissists”

- “I know you’re confused. Mindfuck is an understandable result of this behaviour. I’m sorry you’re going through this”

- “No, it’s not that you were inadequate. It was that he suffers shiny object syndrome. You were roughed up and in a hard season. He had dangling carrots in front of him. Of course he left. You were a reminder of the dark parts of him he wanted to avoid. He wants to lean into what makes him feel good”

- “Your relationship was full of love and laughter despite the bad moments. It is not your fault he became numb and shut that part out and only focused on the negative without wanting to try cure it before ending it. Let that be his curse, not yours”

- “any person who lacks the skill of introspection and discernment and relies on podcasts, self help books and others solely is not mature”

- “highly competitive people are some of the most insecure people because they thrive off external validation of looking like winners”

- “being single often seems more peaceful as we don’t have someone calling us out our bullshit”

- “you paid for your own birthday lunch with him in the same summer he bought Calvin Klein shirts? Don’t try to defend it by saying he was in school and deserves to treat himself”

- “you’re allowed to be sad for two more sessions and then it’s go time”

- “if you haven’t increased your handstand hold by 5 seconds by next session, reschedule it”

Cheers to not being an avoidant and confronting the healing process I guess

[bubsub69]

Entry 2

14/05/2023 22:47

Well might as well start all entries with how my sleep schedule is, i had an afternoon nap so i might not sleep enough tonight but better than being up at 4am because i tried going to sleep at like 11pm and it went horribly wrong.

Reason for writing today? well while before looking at cute couple stuff like hugging and cuddling would make me cry now a porn video that wasnt even my first time watching made me cry because the couple seemed really happy and having a good time even though the girl was probably laughing cause she ruined the dudes orgasm on his face (video: https://www.redgifs.com/watch/quaintelderlyvireo#rel=tag%3Aruined-orgasm%2Cchastity%2Ca;order=trending)

I guess i should start with yesterday, with the blessing of the folders/briefcases whatever, it was as bad as expected so at least not worse than expectations, a very late start as a lot of people expected followed by a walk a queue to sit down, a small sermon and then speeches from each course. The worst part honestly might have just been the sun, it was blazing hot and i think i got sick from it, my nose was extremely fucked last night and still kinda is. After that we went to have lunch at a crisp 3pm and the food arrived at like 4, thank god my body has a high hunger resistance or i mightve killed someone, i spent a lot of time at the restaurant but at least i got to be with my cousin so it was actually pleasant, at the end we went to the lake garden to take some pictures for some reason and then went home (the for some reason comes from the fact we already had like 40 photos on the camera alone and went to take more).

idk why i wanted to write down what happened yesterday this was supposed to be more about emotions than story but oh well who can stop an autist from rambling.

But going to aforementioned (wow that was the word whos spelling i really had to look up, why am i spellchecking a personal diary? cause fuck you i want to, anyway another autistic rambling aside) emotions, those ribbons made me feel kinda weird when i reread them cause everyone was saying congrats on the hard work and for beating this challenge but i feel like its undeserved cause its not like i put a huge amount of effort studying, i barely passed some stuff which is definetly something im not proud of but yeah i feel like i slacked off most of the year even though ive never missed classes or failed to deliver a project, i guess im just associated with the studying part of school instead of this which is better honestly, even if i get stressed like now where i have a shit ton of stuff to do and am over procastinating as usual, but yeah, a lot of good jobs for a meh performance feels kinda weird.

But enough about school heres an update on D, today is sunday which matches the same day as the day of the call so how was her availability? well she gave me a maybe and then said that apparently her visa is expiring and shes super stressed out, well that seems like something way too complex for an excuse/lie so i believe her more but yeah her moving again is definetely going to make her busy again so i guess no calls for me.

Really feeling like a piece of shit that thats all the care i can muster for it, shes like about to get formally deported and im out here complaining shes too busy for me, and the worst is i decided to get a keyholder on chaster just to satisfy me, it feels like cheating i dont know why, we had some mild texting and a call and ive already like fallen in love and feel like a traitor, but i guess im tired of waiting and it might be for the best to move on if she just wants to stay an acquaintance (well new record for biggest spelling blunder), but yeah i feel like im giving up too soon cause i really liked her and just moving on feels really bad but what can i do when she doesnt show any interest, i mean not only does she not text back she also hasnt asked anything about me, which i guess is kinda fair for most boring person in the world whos hobbies are gaming and youtube, yippy, i guess ill wait again, this time im gonna do a week of no texting to see if she ever sends me something, she will be busy with the moving so she probably wont but oh well whatcha gonna do, not like shed say yes to a call in these circumstances either, i still wish i could help her but i dont think i can just ask dad if he has a contact with the visa man to hurry her process, but i did imagine that cenario

I guess switching to a different type of emotion to put some variety in this yesterday i fucked up the gamepads usb port out of anger but i think i tricked my parents by saying i saved the computer from falling, and on other hardware problem news theres a screw that i think broke the plastic around it so know the case keeps disconnecting from the rest. This was a shitty story but at least its not all about being sad and lonely

Well a bit of a blunder of an ending but oh well heres entry two, if the lady i messaged to be my keyholder replies the update will be here:

[straighttohellbuddy]

pretty best friends {Dream}

Anon asked: hello!! i saw that requests are open (i think? if not ignore this!!) and i was wondering if u could write a cc!dream x reader where the reader is maybe a faceless streamer as well, or dream just hasn’t seen her face yet for another reason and the first time he does he like… gets all quiet or something and reader thinks it’s bc he thinks theyre ugly and then dream is like “no it’s not that! never that.” djsjsjfroeod i love ur writing tysm!! 😽😽

Summary: Sometimes it's hard to explain what popular, faceless streamers go through to anyone else, so when you find someone whose good, if chaotic, vibes match up with yours, you'll hold onto that friendship tight so long as they feel like the right person to be around. So you're delighted to find that you and Dream operate on the same wavelength. What started as an MCC team up turns into an unshakable bond that you're both hell bent on making everyone else's problem.

Need to Know: They/Them. Popular Faceless Streamer!Reader. Suggestive discussions about CGI characters.

A/N: 3472 words. is this any good? Someone let me know. Can be read as platonic ! 💖 Seriously it's 5am and I'm catching a train in 10 minutes I've been up all night writing is this good???

"Am I nervous about being on Dream's team?" In the few hours before Minecraft Championship began, your nerves had gotten the better of you, so instead of psyching yourself out, you'd gone live early on the training map, "now; no. A few days ago? God, absolutely," you admitted with a warm laugh, "but considering I was acting weird the first time I got to talk to him, and now he's still messaging me to chat, and not just about MCC things, I figure it's on him."

Despite your lack of a camera, your chat could clearly hear how wide you were smiling, already sounding fond despite the relative youth of the friendship you were discussing.

"I was running on not a lot of sleep, and like, I wanna say professional fear," you huffed with faint amusement, "because, like I wasn't starstruck because oh my god its Dream, but more like, I haven't had enough sleep and I'm talking to a man with more followers than there are people living in Australia, you know?"

[Dream: bold of you to assume I am ever well rested either 😂] flashed up in your chat for a moment for everyone to see, and though they couldn't see the surprise on your face, the silence is deafening.

"Shut up, he's here, everyone be cool," you began babbling, "Dream I swear I'm not usually this shit at To Get To The Other Side, I promise," you laughed awkwardly, right before you eat shit on the training map. Then, after a moment, you switch tactics; "also, hey Dream, call me and tell everyone that I'm not lying and we are becoming friends."

It takes a few long moments as you loiter on the training map, looking through comments, many of which were doubtful, before everyone hears the Discord call noise.

"Mods ban everyone who doubted me," you announce triumphantly before you even say hello, and everyone hears Dream's laughter echo across your stream.

"Hello to you too," he chuckles.

"Hi bestie," you play up your closeness, but still he plays along.

"Hey new bestie."

A long moment of silence follows, which you eventually break with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, you didn't need to actually call, I was just being a menace," you admitted sheepishly, starting a new game.

"What are friends for?" Dream responded with easily, and you immediately hit menu and left the server.

"Dude!" You crowed.

"Dude, what?"

"Dude, I was being a menace, you're so nice!" You sound a little muffled, as if covering your face with your hands. Again, Dream laughs, again, it's a kinder sound than you feel like you deserve considering the context.

"We were doing Smash or Pass with the CGI creatures in Spy Kids 2, which I suggested," Dream points out, putting you both on blast in an instant, "and not only were you cool with that, but we both want to smash the Spider-Monkey, so now we're friends. I don't make the rules."

"It's the objectively correct answer," you don't even hesitate before answering, mouth moving faster than your brain, and face still presumably in your hands, "look at that creature and tell me he doesn't; one, sling phenomenal dick, and two, both know and practice aftercare." As you're speaking, if only to provide context for your audience, you tab away from Minecraft to Google image search the Spy Kids 2 Spider-Monkey.

"Yeah, I read your messages, I agree on all fronts; the Spider-Monkey is a service top and would treat us right," Dream added sagely, "but what I'm saying is the fact that we had in depth discussions about our reasoning behind whether we would smash or pass these CGI creatures has forged a friendship that I refuse to back out of."

"That's why you agreed to be my friend?" Your tone was strangely fond at that revelation.

"No, I agreed to be your friend because I posted a Thumb-Thumb from the first movie in our team's chat and you answered 'smash' in all capitals three seconds after I posted it, followed by 'what that thumb do', again, all capitals -"

"I hadn't had a lot of sleep!" You cut in to defend yourself, still sounding vaguely embarrassed.

"I was impressed by your fucking conviction!" He shouts, but the bright affection in his voice keeps him from sounding too aggressive. A few seconds of silence followed, and you tabbed back to Minecraft.

"To those in chat wondering," Dream sounds more than a little amused as he broke the silence, "I hadn't asked Smash or Pass, I literally just posted a picture of the Thumb-Thumb in the group chat; they responded before I had a chance to follow up."

"I don't know what I was thinking," you mumbled, sounding all kinds of bashful.

"I want to study you," you could hear him smirking. It was easy to play up your embarrassment when your chat couldn't see you grinning, "for the record you were really quiet when we first all met in the VC, so it surprised me - in a good way, of course."

"A good way?" You asked dubiously.

"Hey, if it wasn't, I wouldn't have DMed you to follow up, I wouldn't have bothered to watch your stream to try and get to know you better, and I wouldn't have called when you asked," he points out with a strangely kind bluntness to his words. You're once again quietly, ruminating on his words as a warmth blooms in your chest.

"Okay now I am kind of starstruck," you mumble, flustered and fond, "you need me to fight someone for you I definitely will," which gets him to laugh, and begins your long, public history of being a Dream Stan on main.

After your group places 4th in MCC, you anticipate your fast-formed friendship with Dream to fade considerably. You tell yourself you don't mind, that that's what happens; you're friends now, sure, but you shouldn't expect to be especially close.

But he's still just as quick to answer you. He starts conversations. He calls you just because he's had a strange thought he wants to talk through with someone, and you're one of his first choices, so of course you start calling him in similar situations. It doesn't take long for a script to form, even if it's just between the two of you, neither live, even sometimes bleeding into your DMs; Bestie, I've had a thought. / Terrifying, continue.

While you don't interact live often anymore, you speak in private almost daily, and neither of you forgets the joke even when the other isn't around to hear it. Jokes about stanning turn to jokes about simping, made all the more amusing by neither of you knowing what the other even looks like.

While you begin to develop a solid friendship with George and Sapnap along the way, so too does Dream get to know your own housemate, an ASMR YouTuber who is kind but bemused by your burgeoning friendship with one of the biggest names on the platform. Still, she gets along well just as you do with the rest of the Dream Team.

And when your housemate moves out and you're by yourself in the little two-bedroom apartment, they make sure you never feel lonely.

While live interactions were limited, you never hesitated to defend one another, no matter the platform. Mods in your streams quickly learned that if vitriolic Dream-Antis weren't banned before they properly got your attention, you would put them on blast without a shred of mercy.

[the bit is dead. you and dream don't give a shit about each other we know this is for clout. let it go] pops up as a donation that slipped through the cracks, and you, who had been ranking notable Cyberpunk NPCs on a tier list, and had mentioned in an offhand way that you and Dream got into an argument about some of the A-Tier choices, go dead silent.

The mood drops.

"Can you please explain how?" Voice absolutely poisonous and calm, you let your mouse rest idle in the middle of the screen, "mods let them speak; can you bring up this proof that everyone knows about that insinuates that my friendship with Dream is a spiteful bit on my behalf?" And you wait.

[everyone knows. obviously. you guys aren't friends you don't ever talk]

"Obviously," you give a thin-lipped smile that no-one sees as you read a message from Dream himself, asking if you want him to call. You hit call and continue to address the troll, "not that I have anything to prove to you, or anyone," you drawled, feeling rather smug seeing that Dream had picked up, "hey bestie, sorry to interrupt your hot boy shit, but get a load of this clown," you snorted.

"You want me to ban them?" Dream asks with the kind of lazy, smug confidence that was rarely warranted in your shared discussions, but made a pleasant little shiver run down your spine every time you heard it. Chat was screaming.

"That's right, you have mod privileges on my streams, don't you?" Your tone is frankly catty, so full of smug confidence that even without a visual your audience is practically able to picture your smile.

"Yeah, you gave them to me months before we even talked about you joining the SMP -" Dream's own tone shifts as he stops matching your energy to menace you on your own stream. As anticipated, it broke you into disbelieving laughter as you shrieked for a moment.

"You're such a dick!" You laughed brightly, "I've been building up that will-they-wont-they-invite-me bit since MCC!"

"Okay, bye bestie, love you!" Dream announced cheerfully over the top of your dismay before immediately hanging up the call. While you're half-groaning, half-laughing at his sheer audacity, one of your other mods was quick to post that this is how people knew you were actually good friends, and for once your chat was in absolute agreement. At least when they weren't begging you for details on your SMP character and when you might finally join.

"I never said I accepted the invite," you tried to play coy, but it was futile, "he's so lucky he's cute."

Thankfully the overall reception to Dream's brief cameo was positive, and at least for a few days the people claiming you were a clout chaser quietened down. It's a brief reprieve but you're still glad for it.

In some ways you found it easier being faceless online; it's easier to disconnect yourself from a lot of the baseless hate. That being said, you found yourself, like many of your faceless fellow creators, to be a lightning rod for speculation and cruel potential comparisons. And more than anything, people went to horrifying lengths to try and discover your true identity behind the screen.

"Would you ever do a proper face reveal?" You hear yourself asking Dream at an hour that's arguably both too late and too early.

"I mean I want to," he admits, "I want to meet my friends and fans and make IRL content, you know?" Serious conversations were happening more and more often between you two. Maybe it's a sign of closeness, "but still the idea kind of freaks me out, like I'm losing a safety net. I love Sap and George but now that they're out there it's like they've kind of forgotten what it's like, and now my numbers are fucking astronomical, it's..." The way he signs betrays just how exhausted he was by certain aspects of his success.

"I know..." While your numbers may not be even close to Dream's, you've still got a few million subscribers of your own, and know all too well how the pressure aches. Still, you try to lighten the mood, "I'll make you my lock screen."

"What, now?" He laughs with confusion

"After your face reveal I'll make you my lock screen," you tell him with complete sincerity. You're not completely sure what reaction you're hoping for, but silence isn't it.

"Dream?"

"I've had an idea," he muses, sounding suddenly energetic, and you don't even have time to make an intrigued noise before he's continuing, "we should meet up."

"In person?"

"Yeah, you come to me or I'll come to you," enthusiasm is spilling from him, and you hear him begin to frantically type. You, however, are far more hesitant.

"Why? What would be the point?" And at your question, the tapping of the keys goes silent.

"I wanna hang out with you?" He says a little awkwardly, almost like it's a question, "I want to see you in person? You're one of my best friends? I think it'd be funny for two of the biggest faceless streamers to do a meet-up before either of us face reveal? Take your pick," he sounds a little defensive.

"I-" you find yourself touched by the sentiment, overwhelmed at his words, "I know we are friends, and I know it's kind of something we joke about, but I always figured, you know, you had George and Sap and..." you feel your chest swell with pride, "do you really think of me as one of your best friends?"

A long silence follows.

"Do you not?" He asks, sounding a little disappointed, which has you backpedaling almost immediately.

"Of course I do, but I don't -" you hesitate before admitting, "I don't really have any other best friends. I like my housemate but ours is a convenience thing more than anything else."

"You're a different kind of best friend to Sap or George, or you know, even different to Karl or Q," he tells you after a few moments of deliberation, but at least he seems to be in better spirits, "but yeah, I still consider you one of my best friends." The typing on his end of the call has tentatively resumed.

"What kind of different?" You ask gently, and are again met with hesitation.

"There's parts of how I..." He trails off and hums thoughtfully, trying to organise his thoughts, "the way we exist online- no... I mean yes but it's not quite..." Then, carefully, "you know me," and he lets it hang in the silence between you both, and you give him the time to elaborate, heart in your throat, "you know me in a way that's very hard to describe and so much harder to find, because I feel like you know me in the nichest way, you know? Since that random-ass call the day of MCC, I was like, sure about you in a way that I'd never been about another person. Like safe - I mean," and he splutters half sentences again for a few moments, like he hadn't quite meant to admit that last part, but you're glad he did. You knew exactly what feeling he was talking about, the one that burned deep in your chest, that you knew you could never dream to find the words for.

You tell him your address.

He goes quiet.

The typing continues.

"So this is it, I'm coming to visit," suddenly he sounds nervous, and despite feeling that too, you can't help but grin.

"How soon?"

"Two days?"

"Two days!" The way you cheer in confirmation is cathartic for you both; you hear him definitely hit enter to purchase the plane ticket, and he laughs like he can't believe it's really happening. Then, as the laughter dies down, your voice turns quiet and fond, "you make me feel safe too, Dream."

"Stop," he sounds plaintive but still somehow bright, "I already kind of feel like I'm about to cry, I can't believe I get to see you so soon."

"So soon," you echo the affirmation with a smile.

To celebrate you watch and movie together, ending up falling asleep on the call. All you feel when you wake is how giddy you are knowing how soon it would be until you saw your best friend in person, finally!

He insists on taking an Uber from the airport, wants your first time seeing each other to be somewhere your voices have no chance of getting recognised, so by the time you buzz him into your building your practically sick with anticipation. Pacing with your earbuds in, something about hearing the echo of his real voice at your front door just ahead of hearing him in the call, it makes it all feel so real.

"I'm gonna hang up and knock now," his tone is so gentle, like he can tell you're freaking out more than he is right now.

"Okay, love you," you blurt out on tense instinct. He hangs up but you can hear his fond laughter the moment before he starts to knock. He doesn't even get a third knock in before you've wrenched the door open, heartbeat in your ears, absolutely clueless on what to expect -

He's real. He's a real person and he's standing in front of you and your best friend Dream has kind eyes. Around the time you register that this isn't a trick, that he's got wavy hair and he's tall and pale as all fuck, you realise that you're definitely checking him out, which somehow feels weirder when it hits you that he's actually very handsome. He had a place in your heart pretty much since you met him, but this is a welcome surprise.

"Do you wanna come in?" You asked with a little laugh, stepping to the side and gesturing him in. His expression was unreadable as he stepped past you, "it's good to see you," you tried, but once you closed the door and turned around, you couldn't help but feel self conscious.

"Come on man, this is really me, I'd rather you not do a bit, I've been cleaning but I tried to -" you dip your gaze to avoid looking at him, scouring your outfit for any stains you made have noticed, hoping his reaction was to something you could fix -

"This isn't a bit, sorry, I promise," he says in a rush, stepping forward. When you finally look back up, he's smiling at you, hand hovering like he went to touch your cheek but he's not sure he's allowed, "I cannot believe you've been this pretty behind the screen this entire time, this is so unfair, I could have bought a plane ticket months ago."

Slowly, as his words sink in, you feel yourself beginning to grin and grow flustered.

"Okay, this bit I approve of -"

"Who says it's a bit?" He crowed, stepping closer to you, cupping your face with his hand, "look at your face, this isn't a bit, you're hot! Who let you be hot?" And you know that tone, have heard that smile in his words before; the fact that this smile was behind it every time?

"No, shut up, you're not allowed to simp over me, I'm meant to be simping over you; you just finished a plane and uber ride, how are you not a hot mess? Who let you be hot?" And immediately he's turning red, basking in your compliments with a wide grin.

"We're gonna be insufferable on stream, aren't we?"

"Without a doubt," you beam, and finally you pull each other into a tight hug.

After dinner you drag a second chair into what is now your office, making sure the space was set up for you both to be comfortable. Once your computer is booting up, he pulls out his phone and instructs you to make half a heart with your hand in front of the computer. He completes the heart with his own and snaps a photo, your aesthetic set up in the background.

[am I really in @Y/N's apartment IRL for the most convoluted meet up ever or am i very good at photoshop? idk you decide] is how he captions the photo, which you immediately retweet onto your main account with a link to your Twitch.

"I ain't ever seen two pretty best friends!" You quote loudly at your chat to start your stream, immediately causing Dream to laugh, leaning over to press his forehead against your shoulder while you continued on strong, "and neither will you! Welcome to the most confusing and least provable meet up! Special guest Dream, do you wanna say hello?"

"I do," he wheezed, "I'm special guest Dream, coming to you live from Y/N's office, believe it or not!"

"I'm seeing a lot of non believers here," you mumbled with faux disappointment.

"They don't have to believe," Dream points out, far less performative than he'd been a moment ago. When he smiles at you, something eases in your chest. There's no weird tension, or uncomfortable silences, or doubt. Your best friend is by your side; the only thing that matters in this moment is him.

[dark-night-hero]

What are your thoughts and opinions on kenma meeting his future s/o on a genshin stream where kenma excepted a co-op request and little does he know that reader is on the other side video taping her reaction with kenma

OMG HAHA So here's the thing with a twist.

Imagine Kozume Kenma meeting his significant other for the first time on a special genshin Impact co-op stream.

Imagine you, how just happened to got home with the help of your relatives manage to got home safe from a family gathering that day.

Imagine going home sober enough to remember you haven't done your commissions and daily routine on genshin Impact. So you sat there in front of your computer, looking at the clock which says 9:00 pm. You still have enough time to do your routines.

Imagine leaning back in your gaming chair, sober enough to do your commission and routine as long as you don't stand up because might as well black out on the spot. Anyways!

Imagine farming for Cyno and Heizou, having one of your daily routine was to farm for those guys and their freaking scarab beetles and onikabuto. It was like hell, going through the desert, mountains and forest, it requires a lot of patience and which you obviously lack nevertheless you still farm for those two annoying materials.

Imagine farming those two hellish material and never just stopping at your own world, not till you manage to farm at least 50-60 per day so it goes without saying that you do co-op.

"Kozu- kodzuken??" You were tired, sober enough to do your commission but tipsy enough not to recognize your favorite streamer. "Kodzuken??? Why does this sounds so familiar. I swear to god I've heard this somewhere." You frown but eventually shrug it off, wanting to finish farming so you could just go to sleep in peace.

Another player wants to join your game. Allow?

Puddin

Lv. 55

Imagine the look of amusement on Kenma's face as he read the following username on his screen, the first thing that came to notif him upon allowing world requests on his settings in order to play with one lucky fan which happened to be you.

Imagine him expecting to get boomerang with endless of questions and probably fan simping behavior upon seeing three dots as he opened the chat box on the co-op chat when he end up letting out a laugh once the message revealed itself.

Puddin: Hi

Puddin: Please.. Please tell me you've unlock all your way points in sumeru.

Puddin: Also that you haven't farm for scarab beetles and onibakuto.

Puddin: Oh honestly nevermind that, can I have some of your scarab beetles? Please? This is literally the 6th world I've join and they haven't unlocked the desert region yet.

Imagine the way his super chat as well as the normal chat explode in laughs and disbelief as well as a bit of disappointment but as they say Kodzuken chuckle, no, laugh in surprise. They have all forgotten about you who looks like they don't even know what they were doing and to whom world they are currently in.

Kodzuken: No I haven't farm yet.

Kodzuken: And yes, I have unlocked all way points in the game.

Kodzuken: And yes again, you can go ahead and catch some scarab beetles.

Puddin: *sends venti sticker

Puddin: oh my goodness finally!

Puddin: Thank you very much! I hope you sleep well todayyy YAY

Puddin: *sends another venti sticker

Imagine the way he let out another laugh chuckle upon seeing your reply in which he find cute for some reasons. It looks like to him, as well as his viewers that you have no absolute idea what was happening on his side right now in which he find absolutely hilarious.

Kodzuken: Do you need some help?

Puddin: Nah I can do this.

Imagine as his character watch you from afar in the desert. He could not help but to smile as he watch you going around looking for your materials in which doesn't seem to appear. Well, you aren't in the farming spot after all.

Kodzuken: Are you sure do don't need some help?

Imagine the silence after that, the way your character just stand in there. Eventually three dots starts to appear.

Puddin: Please.. Do show me the way hehe.

Imagine the way he once again let out a chuckle, his viewers taking a note of how many times have he showed that beautiful smile in this stream right now, the way his super chat explode when he does.

Imagine him helping you throughout the stream as the two of you wander your way on the desert, mostly because you seems to have forgotten where to farm as Kenma lead you the way to catch some beetles. It goes the same when you went to collect the onibakuto.

Imagine as time flies, both of you not realizing how long the two of you were in co-op until his alarm rings, it's time for him to end the stream, he does have an afternoon classes the day after.

Puddin: Awww really? Well I guess its a miracle I last this long.

Kodzuken: Hm? What makes you say that?

Puddin: I was just planning to farm on your world but we end up taking down a few weakly bosses too.

Kodzuken: You mean weekly?

Puddin: Nah it's weakly because they're weak

Puddin: *Sends Mona stickers

Puddin: Oh right. You have a nice name, it's cool.

Kodzuken: Thank you, it's not my real name though haha

Puddin: Really? What a shame..

Puddin: But you know what, it sounds familiar.

Imagine the way he put up his interest, running his stream a little longer knowing something fun was about to come.

Kodzuken: What sounds familiar?

Puddin: Your name. It sounds really familiar.

Kodzuken: Just familiar?

Kodzuken: *Send sucrose sticker

Puddin: You know what, forget it. I'll remember it when I'm sober enough.

Puddin: Well then I'm going to sleep, you too sleep well! Thank you for letting me farm on your world, may the character you're trying to pull go home to you :))

Imagine the moment of silence not only in Kenma's streaming room but also on his stream chat box before it explodes again as he started laughing for real. They were drunk this whole time? It's so fucking hilarious he couldn't help it.

"Ah it's been a while since I had a good laugh fufu." Kenma spoke with a soft sigh, ending his stream in the following minutes then afterwards going through his recent player interaction.

Imagine waking up the day after thinking anything was normal, having no lectures for today, the first thing you did was to open your gadget only to notice how many messages were went into you as well as the notification of Kodzuken stream yesterday in which you have missed.

Imagine deciding to shrug it off as you once again went to open Genshin Impact thinking of the commissions you have missed yesterday as well as your farming. The first thing you notice was a friend request.

Kodzuken

Lv. 60

Imagine thinking it was some sort of joke, your friends do know that you idolize the guy. Without much thought about it, you clicked the accept button. Soon enough you received a message.

Kodzuken: I'm guessing you're sober enough to recognize me? Puddin.

Puddin: Huh?

Kodzuken: You haven't watched the stream yet?

Imagine the look of confusion on your face, wanting to curse whoever this person is for making you confuse and rethink your life choices the day before.

Puddin: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Puddin: *Send Sucrose sticker

Kodzuken: Watch the stream then

Kodzuken: *Send Kaeya sticker

Puddin: Stream? What stream? Who's stream?

Kodzuken: Mine.

Puddin: Hah, very funny.

Kodzuken: I'm not kidding though?

Kodzuken: Why don't you check it? You got nothing to lose

Kodzuken: *Send Qiqi sticker

Imagine the horrified look on your face, not knowing if being flustered or passing out would be the best for you right now. After all Kodzuken looks like he has having fun with you all throughout the stream.

Kodzuken: You've been unresponsive for a while now, I'm guessing you've finally watch it?

Puddin: *Send Qiqi sticker

Puddin: *Send Amber sticker

Puddin: Holy **** I'm so ******* embarrassed

Puddin: *Send Amber sticker

Kodzuken: hahahaha rest assured I had fun.

Kodzuken: *Sends Kazuha sticker

Kodzuken: Also can I join your world?

Puddin: Do you need something?

Kodzuke: Nah, I just want to.

Imagine the way your hear skipped a beat and as if giving you no time to adjust, a request made its way in your screen.

Another player wants to join your game. Allow?

Kodzuken

Lv. 60

Accept || Decline

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2022°

[calebxia]

only you || part i

Stepdad Osamu x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: pseudocest, stepcest, cheating, wombfucking, semi-public sex (in an alley), extremely light dumbification, breeding kink, spit kink, Osamu has a dick piercing

4.5k words. thanks to @waka-chan-out and @vanilleswtmacaron for beta reading this and reassuring me that it doesn’t suck lol

ao3 link here (aha its not too long mobile just sucks!!) part i || part ii || part iii || part iv || part v || part vi || extras || only you, too

You sighed as you tapped your fingers on the table. Your mom had decided it was high time for you to meet your new stepdad, who you had put off meeting for the past three years. You smiled as you remembered the perfectly timed appendicitis that had you missing the wedding. You couldn’t have planned it better if you tried. 

Your dad had only passed away a little under four years ago, leaving your mom to remarry only six months later. You’d opted to live with your grandmother, citing her health as a reason to live with her on her farm. Your plan had worked perfectly, and you hadn’t had to meet Osamu for three years.

Now though, with your grandmother in the hospital, your mom thought it was a great time for you to come and visit and finally meet the great Osamu.

“Osamu should be home any minute,” your mom said, smiling happily over the takoyaki she was making. “He’s bringing your favourite!”

“Yay,” you said, unenthusiastically. You glanced at the time on your phone. You were almost wishing Osamu to be here so you wouldn’t have to spend another awkward second with your mom.

You and your mom hadn’t been close to begin with, you always being a daddy’s girl from the day you were born. And after remarrying so quickly, you’d drifted even further apart. At this point, you had nothing to speak to her about.

“I’m home!” Someone called. The door slid shut behind them and you glanced around, waiting for them to appear in the kitchen. “And I brought umeboshi onigiri!”

The man who stepped into the kitchen nearly knocked you out of your seat.

He was handsome. Devastatingly, heartachingly, handsome. He was tall, with brown hair and deep grey eyes, and thick. His t-shirt was pulled taut over his broad shoulders and his thighs in his shorts were almost indecent. 

The next thing you noticed was that he was young. Probably only a handful of years older than your twenty-one, definitely closer to your age than your mom’s.

God, why had you put this meeting off? Had you known your mom was married to an actual god, you would’ve actually visited.

“Hey, honey,” your mom greeted, smiling at him. Your stomach twisted as she leaned over, puckering her lips for a kiss. Osamu pecked her lips quickly and turned towards you.

“Hey, I’m Osamu,” he greeted, smiling widely at you. Your heart skipped. “I heard ya like umeboshi onigiri so I made you some.”

“Th-thank you,” you stuttered. “I’m Y/n. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to finally meet ya,” Osamu said. “Was starting to think ya were avoiding me!”

“More like she was avoiding me,” your mom said. “She was always a daddy’s girl.”

“Oh?” Osamu asked, looking at you. Your cheeks burned. “Well, I’d never try to replace yer dad, but if ya ever need some daddy/daughter time, I’m here for ya.”

You bit the inside of your cheek to keep from saying something stupid. 

“I really appreciate that,” you said. 

“Oh, I’m so glad you two are getting along already!” Your mom squealed. She carried the takoyaki to the table and smiled as she sat down. “Dinner is finally ready.”

“Itadakimasu,” you mumbled, already loading your plate up with onigiri and the other food on the table. 

“So, how is university going?” Your mom asked. 

You shrugged as you slurped up some noodles. “It’s going. Made nationals.”

“Oh? What sport do ya play? I don’t think yer mom ever mentioned,” Osamu said. You rolled your eyes. Of course she hadn’t mentioned volleyball, it wasn’t like you’d been playing since elementary school or anything.

“Volleyball,” you said. “I was on the Niiyama girls team in high school. Hoping to go pro after uni.”

“Volleyball? I played in high school! My brother, Atsumu, and I were on the Inarizaki team,” Osamu exclaimed. 

“Not Miya Atsumu, right?” You asked, excitedly. “MSBY Black Jackals Miya Atsumu?”

“The very one!” Osamu said.

“No way! They’re my favourite team! I have a signed poster in my room, it’s my prized possession!” I exclaimed. “I heard a few members are going to the Olympics this year.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me she plays volleyball,” Osamu said, glancing at your mom.

“Must’ve slipped my mind,” your mom said.

“We should go to a game sometimes,” Osamu said. “I can get an extra ticket to the MSBY, Adlers game later this week.”

“That sounds great!” You said, smiling widely.

Your mom ate in relative silence as you and Osamu traded stories about your volleyball times, only ever inputting something every once in a while. After dinner, Osamu found a Sendai Frogs match. 

“I’m currently in the nation’s top 3 setters,” you said, proudly. “I’m number two behind Takao Michi.”

“I’ll have to start coming to yer games,” Osamu said. “See ya in action.”

“I’d like that,” you said, honestly. 

“Why don’t ya come to work with me tomorrow? I can introduce ya to a few of my friends that are in town,” Osamu said.

“Absolutely,” you said.

“Don’t get me wrong though, I’m putting ya to work while yer there,” Osamu said. Your mom yawned.

“You all have me worn out from all this volleyball talk,” she said. “I’m going to bed.”

“Night, mom,” you said as she stood up.

“Osamu?” She questioned, turning back to glance at him.

“Oh, we’re going to stay up a bit longer,” he said. “The Schweinden Adlers have a match after the Frogs.”

“Oh, okay,” she said. You could hear the disappointment in her voice.

Osamu waited until you heard the bedroom door click shut before speaking.

“I know this is probably too much information about yer mom but she must think I’m some sex robot,” Osamu said, huffing. “A guy can only do so much.”

You crinkled your nose. “Gross, I did not need to know that.” You tried to hold steady but laughter bubbled up through your lips. Osamu laughed loudly and you joined him, holding your gut with how hard you were laughing.

“We need- we need to be- to be quiet!” Osamu laughed. “She’s trying to- tryin’ to sleep.”

You giggled a few more times before quieting down.

“So, how old are ya?” Osamu asked, standing up. “Old enough for a beer?”

“I’m twenty-one,” you said. “Old enough for a beer.”

“We got wine coolers if ya would rather have that,” Osamu said, stepping into the kitchen.

“Please,” you said. “So, how old are you? Can’t help but notice you’re quite a bit younger than my mom.”

“Twenty-five, twenty-six in October,” he said, grabbing a beer and a wine cooler out of the fridge.

“Follow up question,” you said, “and I don’t mean any offence, I’m sure she’s great in some ways, but why my mom? I mean, surely there’s no shortage of people your age that are wanting you.”

Osamu took a long drink from his beer before answering. “Ask me after I’ve drunk a few of these.”

You pursed your lips and took a sip of your fruity drink. “Fine,” you said. “Then let’s play a game. Every time the Adlers score, I’ll ask you a question and every time the Tachibana Red Falcons score, you get to ask me a question.”

“Deal,” Osamu said.

“Oh! Score!” You exclaimed, throwing your hands up. “Another untouchable spike by Ushiwaka!”

“Shush, yer mom,” Osamu giggled. You rolled your eyes and chugged the rest of your fifth drink.

“You shush, it’s my turn,” you said, plopping down on the couch next to Osamu. “So, now tell me,” You hiccupped. “My bad. Now tell me, why my mom? Why not someone your age? Because I’m gonna- I’m gonna be honest, you’re hot and my mom is, like, she’s not, like, ugly, but, like, she’s, like, fifty.”

“I could just like cougars,” Osamu teased. You rolled your eyes and popped the top on your next drink.

“Tell the, the truth, ‘Samu,” you slurred. 

“Fine, but this stays between us, as best friends,” he said.

“Bee ef efs,” you slurred.

“Yer mom helped fund my restaurant,” he said. “So, I felt bad. She’s so nice and sweet. So, I married her.”

“Now you have a step kid that’s only four years younger than you,” you said. 

“Yeah, she didn’t really mention ya before we got married,” he said. Osamu leaned in close to you. “She didn’t mention how attractive ya were either.”

Your cheeks flushed. You turned your head away from him, looking back to the television.

“Oh, Falcons scored,” you said. “It’s your turn to ask a question.”

Osamu took a sip of his beer before speaking. “Why have ya been avoidin’ yer mom?”

You took a large gulp from your drink. “I haven’t been avoiding her,” you lied. Osamu blinked at you slowly. 

“Fine, fine!” You exclaimed. You sipped from your drink, then responded, “Mainly because she remarried so quickly after Dad died. And to someone only four years older than me. But we’ve never been close. She and I never really saw eye-to-eye. She was the love of my dad’s life and he was just another guy to her. Not to mention, she’s never been remotely interested in anything in my life, she’s always been so self-absorbed. I doubt she even knew I still played volleyball, that’s probably why she didn’t mention it to you.”

Osamu stayed silent as you chugged the remainder of your drink.

“I know it’s probably not comforting, but I’ll be there for ya if ya need me,” Osamu said. “Even if yer mom and I separate, I consider ya a friend now.”

Osamu’s words were oddly comforting. You nodded as you reached for yet another wine cooler. 

“I’m oddly comforted,” you said, popping the top easily. You fiddled with the top, thinking of what to say next.

“Another Falcons score,” Osamu said. “My turn again.”

“Question away,” you said. 

“Can’t think of any,” Osamu said. He yawned.

“Tired already?” You teased, elbowing him in the side. “Old man.”

“I’m twenty-five,” he argued, yawning again. “But I am going to bed. Let’s call a rain check on our game.”

“Deal,” you said, raising your bottle to him. “Might as well go to bed, too. Night, Samu.”

“Night, Y/n,” Osamu said, standing up. He stretched out before padding down the hallway to your mom’s room. 

You sighed loudly once you heard the door click shut. You gulped down your drink. “Good going, Y/n. You finally found a guy you like and he’s your stepdad.”

You finished your drink before gathering all the empty bottles and cans, throwing them in the recycling before walking towards your room. You collapsed onto your unmade bed and passed out before your head hit the pillow. 

“Two salted salmon onigiri,” you said, placing the plate in front of the professional volleyball player. “And onion soup.”

“Go ahead and join them,” Osamu said, placing a few plates on the same table. “I’ll bring you out some umeboshi onigiri.”

“Thanks,” you said. You could barely contain your excitement as you took a seat between Miya Atsumu and Bokuto Koutarou.

“So, yer a setter?” Atsumu asked, taking a bite of his onigiri. You nodded.

“Number two in the nation,” you said.

“She’s better than you were, Tsumu!” Hinata Shoyo exclaimed. You smiled widely.

“In high school, I was ranked number one under nineteen in my second and third years,” you said. “I even got to play in the junior Olympics in high school. We only won silver, though.”

“We’re playing the Olympics this year,” Bokuto said. “And a few of our friends from the Adlers.”

“Kageyama Tobio, Ushijima Wakatoshi, and Hoshimiumi Kourai?” You asked. “I’ve been keeping up with everyone considered for the Olympics.”

“Maybe you’ll be playing in the next Olympics,” Sakusa said. 

“That’s the goal,” you said, smiling. Osamu set a plate in front of you. “Thank you.”

“So our little star setter is here for the next week,” Osamu said, placing a strong hand on your shoulder. “We should play a game while she’s down, see how good she really is.”

“I’m game!” Bokuto exclaimed. “I wanna see those number two in the nation skills!”

“Probably nowhere near the level of you guys,” you said.

“We do have a few years on ya,” Atsumu said, ruffling your hair. 

“Literally only four,” you said, fixing your hair.

“Leave the kid alone, Tsumu,” Osamu said.

“Hey, she’s my niece now, I reserve the right to tease her,” Atsumu said.

“Uncle Tsumu,” you teased.

“That’s right, Uncle Tsumu and Daddy Samu,” Atsumu said. 

Your stomach flipped as the MSBY boys laughed. Osamu looked down at you and winked. You clenched your thighs together.

“All right, quiet down before ya disturb my payin’ guests,” Osamu said. 

“Lunch on Samu-kun!” Hinata exclaimed. Osamu rolled his eyes.

“Once yer finished, I want ya back in the kitchen,” Osamu said. He rubbed your back before walking into the kitchen.

“So, you plan on going professional after university?” Bokuto asked.

You nodded as the table fell into casual conversation.

“I already have offers to go play in France and Brazil,” you said, taking a bite of your onigiri.

“Brazil is fantastic,” Hinata said. “I played there for a while.”

“You liked it? I’ve been debating back and forth between the two. Can’t decide which one I would enjoy more,” you said. “Does Brazil have good food?”

“The best! Unless you’re looking for Japanese food,” Hinata said. “There’s no good Japanese food.”

“Noted,” you said, smiling.

“What are you studying in school?” Sakusa asked.

“Education,” you said. “If volleyball doesn’t work out I want to teach Japanese in another country.”

“Smart,” Sakusa said.

“So, any boyfriends? Girlfriends? Significant others?” Atsumu asked.

You laughed. “With what time?”

“Oh, come on, there has to be someone!” Atsumu exclaimed. “We all find time for a lil’ somethin’.”

“There was a girl,” you admitted. “On my volleyball team, but we both cared more about volleyball than each other.”

“Any crushes?” Bokuto asked. He winked at you and flexed his arms playfully.

You pursed your lips. “And why should I tell you if I do?”

“Because we’re all best friends now!” Hinata shouted, slamming his hand on the table. He ignored the looks from the other customers.

“There is this guy I have my eye on,” you said. “He’s tall, nice, and beefy as hell.”

“Ooo, tell us more,” Bokuto said.

You shook your head. “No use talking about him. He’s strictly off limits.”

“He’s gay,” Atsumu said, nodding his head.

“What?! No!” You laughed. “He’s taken.”

“Ah, university relationships aren’t always serious, you can probably still get him,” Hinata said, waving away your worries.

“He’s married,” you said. The boys all hissed in sympathy.

“Ask for a threesome,” Atsumu said. Your face must’ve shown your disgust because the boys all laughed at you.

“She must be ugly,” Bokuto said.

“We don’t get along the best,” you said. You sighed as you looked down at your empty plate.

“Better get to work before Daddy Samu grounds you,” Atsumu teased.

You rolled your eyes, but stood up. 

“It was nice meeting you guys,” you said. “I hope we can get a game together before I leave.”

“Oh, we definitely will,” Bokuto said.

“I’ll hold you to it,” you said, smiling. You waved bye to them as you entered the kitchen.

Osamu was leaned over the stove top, stirring a large pot of soup.

“Have fun?” He asked, wiping sweat off his brow with the towel thrown over his shoulder. You nodded.

“They were all super nice,” you said. “I feel like we’re actually friends now.”

“That’s good,” Osamu said, smiling at you. “Ya wanna start putting together a couple of onigiri?”

“No problem,” you said, washing your hands quickly. 

“We need five salted salmon and three umeboshi,” Osamu said. “And then out to table three.”

“Got it,” you said.

The rest of the day went by relatively quickly and smoothly. It was finally around midnight when the last customers finally left and you and Osamu could close down shop.

“Come into my office and I’ll show you how to count all the money,” Osamu said, locking the main doors. 

You followed him into his small office. 

“Okay, whenever you count the money, make sure the door is closed and locked behind you,” Osamu said, closing the door behind him. 

You held your breath as he slowly slid past you, your chest brushing against his.

“A lil’ cramped in here, sorry,” Osamu said, sitting at his desk.

“It’s fine,” you mumbled, sitting in the folding chair next to him.

“So, d’ya have a good day?” Osamu asked, casually thumbing through bills.

You nodded. “It was good! It was nice meeting your friends. I really liked them.”

“Ooo, any of ‘em catch yer eye?” Osamu teased. You rolled your eyes.

“I already have my eye on someone,” you said.

“Oh?” Osamu questioned.

“He’s taken though,” you said. “Strictly off limits.”

“Ask for a threesome,” he said.

You laughed loudly. “Funny, Atsumu said the same thing. But no, I don’t get along with his wife.”

“Wife? That sucks,” he said, placing a wad of cash in an envelope. 

“Yeah,” you agreed.

“Well, I, for one, think yer a catch,” Osamu said, sealing the envelope. “Anyone would be lucky to have ya.”

“Thanks, Samu,” you said, face burning. He patted your thigh.

“Anytime, princess,” Osamu said. You clenched your thighs together at the new nickname. “Well, we’re all done here, let’s get home.”

You trailed after him like a lost puppy as he double checked all the appliances were off and flipping the lights off.

You shivered as you stepped into the cool, night air. 

“Cold?” Osamu asked, already peeling off his Onigiri Miya hoodie.

“Yeah, a little,” you said, gladly taking the hoodie from him. You tugged it over your head and breathed deeply. “Smells good. Half expected it to smell like onigiri.”

“It will soon,” Osamu said, smiling. “It’s new. Just got the shipment in last week.”

“I’ll have to get one,” you said.

“Keep it,” Osamu said. “Ya look cute in it.”

You blushed deeply. You bumped his shoulder with yours gently.

“It’s like, way too big,” you said.

Osamu shrugged. “Oversized is in. Besides, I thought girls loved to steal guys’ hoodies.”

“Yeah, guys they like,” you said.

“Well, ya took it from me,” Osamu said, bumping your shoulder. “Ya must like me a little.”

“Whatever,” you said, cheeks burning. Osamu laughed.

“Someone has a crush!” He sang.

“Shut up! I don’t have a crush on you,” you said.

“Ya did call me hot last night,” he said.

“I was drunk, so it doesn’t count,” you said. He rolled his eyes obnoxiously.

“Ya have a crush on me, just admit it,” Osamu said. “I won’t tell anyone, pinky promise.”

“You’re my stepdad, in case you forgot,” you replied. “That’s basically incest, isn’t it?”

“So ya admit it?” Osamu asked. You shoved him playfully.

“I actually have a crush on Atsumu,” you said. “He’s the hotter twin.”

Osamu pushed you into an alley and caged you against the cool bricks of a building.

“Oh?” Osamu said. “Ya think Atsumu is the hotter twin?”

You nodded slowly as Osamu looked down at you.

“It’s the hair,” you squeaked.

“Oh, yeah, forgot that girls love a guy who doesn’t know what toner is,” Osamu said, leaning down. “I think yer lying.” His nose was nearly touching yours.

“I’m not,” you mumbled. Osamu’s hands moved from either side of your head to your hips. 

“You are,” Osamu whispered, lips brushing against your ear. You shivered.

“And if I am?” You asked.

“I don’t like bad girls,” Osamu said. “Lying is grounds for punishment.”

“Punishment?” You asked.

“I’d bend ya over my knee and spank ya until ya begged for mercy,” he said. You sucked in a sharp breath.

“It’s a good thing I’m not lying, then,” you said. By now, Osamu’s lips were nearly against yours, so close you could feel the heat from his breath on your lips.

Osamu ground his hips against yours, firmly pressing his hard on against you.

You bit your lip and glanced down. His cock was straining against his jeans, eager to be released.

“Tell the truth and I’ll think about not putting ya over my knee,” Osamu said, lips softly brushing against yours. 

“You’re the hotter twin,” you said, putting your arms around his neck. “And I have a crush on you. And I want you to fuck me in this alley.”

“There we go,” Osamu said. He finally kissed you roughly, like he wanted to devour you. You moaned as he ground against you.

“Samu,” you moaned, pulling back. He wasted no time, kissing down your neck, sucking and biting at your sensitive skin.

“Been thinkin’ about pushin’ this lil’ skirt up all day,” he growled, pushing your skirt up around your waist, revealing the pretty pink lace of your underwear. 

“Please,” you gasped as he shoved his jeans and underwear down, releasing his cock. You nearly moaned at the sight of it, long and thick and leaking precum from the swollen tip.

“Gonna wreck this cute little cunt,” Osamu said, tugging your underwear down and letting them fall to the ground. He dragged the tip of his cock through your wet folds, teasing your clit and hole.

“Is- Is that a piercing I feel?” You asked, feeling cool metal against your warm folds.

“I’ll give ya a closer look later,” he said, teasingly pushing the tip in and out of your hole. “Wanna be in ya now.”

“Fill me up, please, Samu,” you begged, digging your fingernails into his skin. Your walls fluttered around nothing as he lifted you up. You instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Good girl,” he muttered, lining his cock up with your hole. “Beg for my cock, princess.”

“Please, please, please!” You cried. “Want your cock in me, need it! Please, Samu, want you to fill me up.”

“Of course, baby girl, anything for my princess,” Osamu said, kissing you softly. He rutted his hips up into you, stretching you out suddenly.

You moaned loudly and let your head fall on Osamu's broad shoulder. 

“So big,” you moaned. “Hurts.”

“Shh, shh, yer takin’ me so well, baby,” Osamu said. “Squeezin’ me so tight, wanna bust just bein’ in ya.”

You whimpered as Osamu slowly pulled out. He pushed back in slowly, giving you time to adjust to each inch. Your walls clenched around him, sucking him in deeper and deeper until the swollen tip was kissing your cervix.

“Fuck,” he hissed. “Gonna ruin ya.” Osamu pulled out until just the tip was in and slammed back into you.

You gasped loudly as his cock breached your cervix, going deeper than anything had ever been in you and stretching you more than anything ever had.

“Samu!” You cried, throwing your head back and digging your nails into the nape of his neck. “Fuck, harder, please!”

“Feel that, baby? I’m so deep in ya,” Osamu said. “Fuckin’ past your cervix, yeah?”

You nodded as you bit back your moans as Osamu pounded into you. You buried your head into his shoulder and bit down, quieting your too loud moans.

“Next time, ‘m gonna have ya somewhere ya can be loud as ya want,” Osamu grunted. “Wanna hear yer pretty, little moans.”

You let out a soft moan in his ear and he snapped his hips up harder into you.

“Ah, Samu,” you moaned, struggling to keep your volume down. “Gonna cum.”

He pinched your clit as you gushed around his cock. You looked down to where your bodies met and watched as your juices leaked down his cock, dripping on his heavy balls. You moaned.

“Gonna fill ya up, baby,” he growled lowly. “Come ‘ere.”

He pulled your head up by your hair and squeezed your cheeks until your mouth fell open, tongue lolling out. He gathered spit in his mouth and spat it on your waiting tongue.

“Don’t swallow,” he said. He kissed you deeply, licking into your mouth and sucking your tongue. He kissed you messily, spit running down your chin and a thin strand of it connecting you two when he finally pulled back. 

“Such a messy, little slut,” he said, slamming his hips against yours. “Taking my spit so well. Gonna take my cum like that?”

You nodded, unable to speak beyond gasps and moans as his cock abused your cunt.

“Can’t speak? Fucked ya dumb, huh?” Osamu asked. He chuckled. “My cock makin’ ya dumb, little baby?”

You whined. God, you wanted him to fill you up so bad. 

“Cum. Inside.” You gasped out.

“Oh? Want me t’ breed ya? Make ya big and swollen with my baby?” Osamu asked, hips moving faster.

You nodded furiously. He rubbed your clit in tight, fast circles.

“Cream ‘round my cock one more time, baby,” he grunted. 

“Samu!” You exclaimed. Your stomach tightened as your walls fluttered like crazy.

“Yeah? Gonna cum again for me?” Osamu asked. You let out a high pitched moan as the coil in your stomach snapped.

“Fill me up, please!” You moaned as you came. Osamu’s hips stuttered as he pushed into you deeply before painting your womb white. You cried out, letting your head rest against his shoulder as he moaned.

“Fuck, yer still so tight around my cock,” he hissed. Your walls fluttered. “Perfect little cunt, princess. Milkin’ me dry like a good girl.”

You whimpered as he slowly pulled out. Your legs went limp, falling from his waist.

“Can’t stand,” you mumbled, legs shaking with the weak attempt you made. Osamu held you up as he pulled his pants back up and pulled your panties back on.

“Come here, baby,” he said, swooping you up bridal style. “Let’s go home, princess.”

You nodded lamely as he carried you. You must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing you heard was Osamu talking to your mother.

“She was practically dead on her feet,” Osamu said. “Fell asleep while I was counting the money.”

“You could’ve called, I would’ve brought the car,” your mom said. You felt Osamu shrug.

“It was no problem,” Osamu said. 

“Well, go lay her down in her bed,” your mom said. “Then maybe she’ll be out for the rest of the night.” You frowned at her suggestive tone and cuddled deeper into Osamu’s chest.

“I’ll go lay her down,” Osamu said. He carried you down the hall and entered your bedroom carefully.

As he laid you down, you grabbed his arm and whined, “Don’t go.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered. “I gotta go to my own bed.”

“Don’t- Don’t fuck her,” you mumbled. “Please.”

“Don’t worry, princess,” he said, softly brushing your hair out of your face. “It’s only you from now on.” You nodded. Osamu kissed your forehead before leaving you alone.

You blinked once, twice, before you were asleep.

[wizkiddx]

3 hearts broken

I did an angst thing again oops also not proof read double oops

summary: an argument between you and tom, except it takes him hurting someone else for you to loose it

warnings: alot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) idk anything else except commitment issues?

////////////////////////////////////////////

It was an argument you and your boyfriend regularly had. In fact, it was the only argument the two of you ever had. And especially recently, one that Tom seemed to want to have every day. It didn’t matter where you were on set; in the rental home; out for dinner. Or like now… in the airport lounge.

You were sitting across from each other in a semi-private booth. Tom in his joggers and a burgundy hoodie, you in your black leggings and an oversized tee that actually belonged to your boyfriend. The rest of the place was almost deserted, given the late-night time of the flight. It was probably why Tom felt so comfortable bringing up this touchy subject in a public place.

You were both way past overtired too, owing to the end of a gruelling shoot. All you wanted was to get back to London and get into your own bed. Without an unnecessary fight with Tom.

Unfortunately for you, when you had naively said those exact words, Tom’s overtired brain skipped straight to it being a personal attack.

“I don’t see why you can’t commit to moving in Y/n! We practically live together for filming anyway so-“

“I love you Tom, more than I could ever express. I just… I can’t do this yet. I need… more-“

“More time, I know.” He grumbled, already standing and slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder - as the flight’s gate was announced by the intercom. Had he not already turned his back and started heading along the hallway, you would’ve tried to protest and calm him down. But thanks to his urgency to get away from you… all you could do was sigh. Slumping back against the seat before hauling yourself up and grabbing the bags - that he had helped you with on the way in.

No doubt this would be a long flight.

That it was. Tom had been maturely giving you the silent treatment at the gate, as you were boarding, and finding you seats. You were both in first class, so you had adjacent little pods with a little partition in the middle. It’s standard position was to be lowered however, before you’d even been able to settle into your window seat, Tom had already switched to button to have it slowly slide up.

Real fucking mature.

Thinking he just needed some time to cool off, you rolled your eyes but let him be. Even though you were such a frequent flier, you were terrible at getting any sleep on them. Tom knew this, knew how much you disliked the idea of being hurtling through the air in a tin can. Usually, he’d be holding your hand, entertaining you by watching a movie and providing a shit commentary over the top. Sometimes, when you were both as exhausted as right now, he’d even slide into your chair, having you perch on top of him so you could fall asleep listening to his heartbeat in his chest. Now though? He refused to acknowledge your existence.

Tom never had such issues flying, he was like a switch that could just choose to fall asleep at any and every point. Which is perhaps why it shocked you to see him still wide awake, staring angrily at the corner of his pod when you went to the loo, hours later. Thinking it was time for a peace offering, on the return to your seat you made eye contact and began to smile softly at him. However, that plan lasted for all of two seconds, since as soon as he realised you had seen him staring, Tom instantly shut his eyes - playing asleep.

He really was being particularly stubborn tonight.

By the time the plane landed, he’d still refused to say anything - and it was starting to really piss you off too. You’d tried to be mature, tried to offer the metaphorical olive branch and he had quite literally thrown it back in your face. So by the time you were being escorted off the plane (first because you were first class), you hung back from your boyfriend, wanting to have your own space.

Which was exactly why you didn’t want to give up your own apartment yet!

The two of you walked across the bridge into the terminal with a good 8 metres between each other. Tom didn’t bother to turn round and check on you, taking purposeful steps as though he wanted to get away.

Thankfully the terminal was quiet, probably due to the ungodly hour in the morning you’d landed at. The halls echoed only with your and Toms footsteps, the echo exaggerating just how far away you felt from him at this point. Still, Tom hadn’t acknowledged your existence, or anyone elses for that matter - the pair of you almost got to baggage reclaim before seeing any other humans.

And that is where it all went wrong.

It was typical, an otherwise empty airport except for you, Tom and a family with 2 girls. 2 teenage girls. 2 teen girls whose eyes widened to almost comical levels at the sight of your boyfriend. You’d seen them from a mile away, but from Tom’s reaction to them - he clearly hadn’t.

In fact, you were such a distance away you couldn’t exactly hear the exchange. But what you saw, had your heart in your mouth.

The girls ran over from the seats their whole family were sitting in, squealing at Tom with that overcited little jump you’d seen so often. Instead of Tom turning to them and entertaining them with small talk and a photo or two - he did the opposite. If anything, he quickened his cadence, looked as though he waved the girls off without muttering two words.

And maybe there was a reason. Maybe they had shouted something really rude at him - but fuck, the chances were slim. One looked ten, and one looked a couple of years older - as you approached, you saw the dejected and shocked faces melt into ones of intense disappointment. The eldest turned and hugged the younger, whose chest appeared to be shaking in a way that meant only one thing. Tom had made her cry.

Just as both the mother and father stood up to rush to the girls, you matched their hurried steps - getting their first.

“Hi, excuse me… “

You felt really awkward but knew you had to do something for these poor girls. And quite possibly for Toms career too. “Are you guys okay?” It took a second or two, but the girls clearly both recognised you too (thank god), throwing nervous looks at each other.

“Are yo-you Y/n?” The younger one asked, bright eyes glazed in tears which broke your heart to see.

“Yeh-yeh I am, what are your names?” You knelt, smiling warmly at the girls, who seemed to chirp up a bit.

“I’m Tima” The eldest spoke first before nudging the other to speak. You waited patiently till the little girl had wiped her eyes before replying.

“I’m Azara.”

“Wow, you’ve both got very beautiful names. Where are you both headin-“

“Can I ask you a question!?” Litte Azara burst out, interrupting you, but in the cutest and sweetest way. You just laughed and said of course, as she twiddled with her thumbs nervously.

“How big is the biggest T-rex?” Her little eyes were so curious and you had to suppress a giggle, seeing how serious it was.

Of course, the T-Rexs in Jurassic world (one of your movies) were all CGI. But Azara didn’t have to know that.

“Oh, they are bigger thanthan the tallest trees you’ve ever seen!”

You carried on your little chat with the girls for five or so minutes, laughing with them and exchanging soft nods with their parents too - who seemed appreciative of your time. Eventually, though, it was the dad who pulled time on the exchange, signalling that the girls had taken up enough of your time. As you stood up, Tima spoke up - after being relatively withdrawn from the conversation.

“You’re friends with Tom Holland right?” You nodded, subconsciously biting your lip to see what she would say. “Can you tell him sorry for bothering him, it’s just Azara was excited, we only wanted to say hi.”

Yeh, there was absolutely no way these incredibly sweet girls did anything to Tom. He was just being a knob.

“Hey, it’s not your fault at all. We’ve just had a really, really long flight, and he’s in a bit of a mood at me - I’m so sorry that he let it out on you.”

That explanation seemed to satisfy Tima with a nod, and with some final hugs you bid the girls both farewell. By this point, the rest of your plane had caught up along the corridors, so it was busier, and you had to fight against the small crowd to get through the airport as quickly as possible. Because you were seething with rage for Tom and could not wait to tell him exactly what those poor girls thought of him.

Unsurprisingly Tom had chosen not to wait for you in the airport at all, instead already hiding inside the blacked-out windows of the 4x4 waiting at the collection point. You marched up to that car angry to the point you thought the whole airport would notice. Yanking the door so hard you were surprised you did no damage to it, you threw your bags in - momentarily ignoring the sight of Tom huddled into a corner, staring at his phone with AirPods in.

But once you slammed the door shut and the driver started the car, you let yourself go.

“Who the fuck do you think you are!”

“Y/n can we just leave it for- “

“You made 2 girls cry!!! You were so self-absorbed in your temper tantrum that you made 2 teenage girls cry. You proud of yourself?”

This time he did look at you, eyes wide and confused - clearly not understanding. So you continued - laying it out for him.

“Those two girls you waved off because you were so busy running away from me? Well the youngest one cried and then the eldest didn’t speak and when she did it was only to ask me to apologise to you. You’re a fucking dickhead!”

“I didn’t mean-“

“Oh god, that makes it all better. You didn’t mean to make them cry on purpose, so it’s fine! God if you’d only said I’d-“

“Fuck off Y/n you’re not being fair, cut the sarcasm.”

“I’m not being fair?!? Because I’m the bad person in this situation, right? I just saved you from a very, very bad headline tomorrow morning because you were too busy giving me the silent treatment.”

“Yeah, well, your the one who doesn’t seem to give a damn about me!”

You scoffed hard at his words, air trapped in your throat that now felt completely stuck. How could he say that? How could he even think that?

As much as you hated showing it, you felt your eyes well up with tears. Because who the fuck did he think he was.

“Now that, that is so unfair. You know exactly my history and why I don’t want to move in yet AND you know just how much I fucking love you. So don’t you dare.”

“You're not convincing anyone.” He spoke quieter, but the venom behind his tone was still there. As the first tear escaped over your bottom lashes, you knocked on the partition to the driver and asked him, in no uncertain terms, to pull over.

“Congrats Tom. That’s three women you’ve broken the hearts of in 20 minutes. Must be some sort of a record.”

And with that you slammed the door shut, abandoned on the side of the road somewhere within Heathrow.

?a part 2? idk where id go from here aha

tagging: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala