#god im scared for tomorrow
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i just wanted to draw the ave mujica outfits .
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#nenekasa#<- i like them.#sorry i like mygo + avemuji but cant make fanart of anything im not Fucking Crazy about normally#had to touch it up digitally because i tried coloring a Pen Drawing in with Watercolor. in earnest.#Everything think the announcements gonna be a new unit. I think that would be hilarious and the worst possible timing#Given where everyone else's arcs are but the miku design looked cute so if its jsut a new game that would cheese me#My tag blabbering... what else ... im artfight slacking. my wrist hurts. course selection is next week. SCREAMS#please pray to God i do not have any 8am classes. PLEASE. my college commute takes over an hour. If i have to wake up at 6am i will k#Oh my God i have to go to the dentist tomorrow too please fucking helpme THEYRE GONAN FIDN AMILLION CAVITIES AND KILL ME. AAAAAHG.#Every time theres another proseka broadcast announced i get scared cause i have so many song covers i want in the game but.#I want to draw them first. So that if they Do get added to the game i cna go HEH... >:)....#Thats whyi did skeleton orchestra emnn and scissorhands rks. I want scissorhands in the game reallybad i love that song#3DMV EVEN PLEEEASE but also nothing can too miumes choreography from like a decade ago i wanna do a cosplay performanc eof it someday...#i ❤️ waacking.#actually the one i Really want to draw is ALSO nenekasa. record red save me. ILL DRAW IT OK
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I'm just going down memory hill with looking at old photoshoots and this is the cutest one I think they ever did! Look at angel! She's stunning and sooo adorable smiling like that! Also her hair in this photoshoot just aces. Colin looking cute as always. Katie is gorg ans so smiley. Loooook at Bradley! I Just....ugh. it's so good. Chefs kisses all around. I love the whole photoshoot and should just go and post all the pics I have from it without the weird commentary. Hahaha perhaps another time. What a great cast truly award winning. I love them all so much. I already knew I was bisexual when the first episode aired but let me tell you, solidified it for me. 🤣
#angel coulby#colin morgan#bradley james#merlin cast#my weird commentary#just ignore me#im chatty with myself tonight aren't i?#it's because i need to sleep but i am scared for tomorrow#but my god look at them#katie mcgrath#just noticed i typoed her name oops
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𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘲𝘶𝘰𝘳, 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘦
𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘪 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘵
#dhmis#dont hug me im scared#larry the lamp#shrignold the butterfly#cupid's art box#dhmis au#heaven by solya is the EXACT REASON this art turned into this. THIS IS WHY I CAN'T GET INSPIRED?? EVER?? BY MUSIC?? oh my god#between solya and baby bugs i feel so SICKKK. i can't draw anything with either of their songs playing...#you guys should look at my art (leans up against expensive toy barbie car because i dont drive#don't seek me i'm trapped#i have therapy tomorrow should i show her this /JOKE#bedbug dhmis#oh go#implying religious trauma honestly on shrignold's end and implying dissociation on luci's#they're so over
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going through all the stages of grief today lmao!! whatever im gonna play video game now!!
#im very very very nervous i feel like my stomach is about to fly out of my mouth#oh my god lollllllllllll#what will i do if he wins LMAO!! i have a 4 year old daughter lol she can’t grow up in this bull shit!!!!!#i gotta get out of here LMAO!!!!!!!!#im gonna be sick#i took the day off knowing i would be useless today also off tomorrow#help!! also i think my period is coming which is. amazing timing lol i am already on the brink of death#why not!! haha!! sure why not!!!!!!#i need to read thanzag IMMEDIATELY I need to be healed#this is so bad……#im scared oh god….#i hate how little control we have over our own lives#here we are on the brink of maybe our last election lol like no exaggeration do you think if they win they will let us vote again#im just glad I don’t live near dc anymore it was scary last time#omg…#I think I will be offline today if you see posts it’s just the queue
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the anticipation before getting a tattoo is nerve wracking. it's like, i am so excited that im shaking, but i also might throw up. this is going to hurt so bad. but it'll be a good pain. and it'll be worth it. it will be so sexy
#im getting my dream big thigh piece done tomorrow#something ive wanted for years and years and years#and i literally almost threw up confirming it tonight#im so scared#but also so excited#someone hold me#text post#ALSO IM FUCKING ALLERGIC TO LIDOCAINE SO I CANT USE NUMBING CREAM#my other leg tattoo hurt so bad and that shit was TINY!#i was gripping the seat for a LITTLE BEE#im going to be there for HOURS tomorrow#dear god#pray i dont puke or pass out
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and happy pride to these assholes. it's still june so i can technially still make that joke right
#the nemesis speaks#nemesis art#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#god i hate tagging for new fandoms yall scare me. im stopping there#anyway i have too many directors notes for this. ive developed such a vivid image of john in my head#but absolutely nothing for the dude with the actual physical body lol#idk just thinking abt the fact that the trader said ''two appear before me'' implying he could perceive john visually#but it's hard to wrap my head around like. a totally separate body that john doesn't appear consciously aware of himself#so: i think they are generally tied together. like this.#but anyway yeah. tattered/torn piece of something else. shattered crown. open hood implying a face behind it.#(yellow also has/had a mask and an unbroken crown it's symbolic™)#the stains on the cloak are blood btw! since injury/death so consistently brings these two closer together#(and the red symbolically brings the yellow closer to arthur's brown color scheme)#the blood on the CROWN is legally john's though. or. the king's more accurately.#the intact crown on the king himself pierces through the cloak like barbs#this is all a metaphysical representation and not Actual blood ofc but (gestures vaguely) you get it#i'm talking too much whatever it's very late i probably shouldn't even be posting this WHO CARES#tomorrow i will have my proper pc back and not be drawing on an ipad old enough to have a tumblr acct maybe i'll do something better then#fuck it hit post#mv liveblog#<- almost forgot
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stressed
I have to fight family again
#everybody hates meeeee#tomorrow is going to be so fucked#aunt literally said i tried to kill her???????? bro idk what to do with a person like that#im really really stressed#like it never got to physical violence or anything but im always scared it will cause it's just#getting more and more heated and i know she literally hates me right now#like usually she does the whole spiel about loving me sooo much but now she's convinced that#I'm against her#well i am#fuck that bitch#but well she's acting like a freaking cartoon villain#oh wel#well#but goddamn im really stressed rn#ok whatever i just needed to vent it's probably going to be fine#but like#i do feel like I'm planning a grand escape rn#and it SUCKS ASS#i really want to cut that woman out of my life or actually out of all of our lives cause she's just#traumatizing one person after the other#god i cant wait to be away from her so i can freaking relaxxx ToT#i can't believe i let myself fall for her tricks every single time and just believe shes good now AURGG#ok ok i just needed to vent this is so unreal for me rn I've been so stressed for days this is so frantic#whatever goodbye lmaooooooo#vent
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blorbos doomdle
last post before my pc gets taken from me exdee. see u guys in a month (art wise). im gonna post some old oc content but not here. i made an oc account where i just brainrot over my kids lol u can expect more there that's it bye
#my first time using queue#i picked a random time#see u guys like tomorrow lmao#god im too scared to put tags#. meropyonsan#jamil viper#jamil x oc#HHHHHH patay na#twisted wonderland oc#twisted wonderland mc#maybe i should do scheduled posts more often
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just got out of the interview (?) for the tutoring position and god am i so afraid 😵💫
#TRYING trying trying really hard to push out the stream of i cant do this i cant do this i cant do this#that immediately plagued my brain pretty much all throughout that whole hour oh god#oh god im so scared and afraid and SCAREDDDD#i feel ill goddddd#thank god i have therapy tomorrow THANK GODDDD#im gonna throw up#i want to back out soooo bad but i also feel like i have to do this so i dont disappoint my professor#like ultimately . its up to me but also like i cant help but feel like xudkdbsnsbsjsskshs#i hope i die or something#ss
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hi oomfs i put my phone down and drew for 3 hours. i had some fun for 1.5 of those hours!. and for the other 1.5... well . i wanted to scream scratch my eyes out and punch a wall but my All or Nothing mindset forced me to stay seated until i was "done" the artwork (until I could no longer fix any details and it was seemingly complete slash unsalvageable) . i wish i didn't get so anxious about shit and that i was more compassionate w myself bc if I WAS. i could've just stopped drawing after it wasn't fun anymore instead of forcing myself to sit there all cranky and dehydrated and frustrated
#it was stressful and now im scared of waking up tomorrow lol#i hate doing things god#but i need to remember that it was niceys to be focused and creating pretty things for the first half of the session!!!!#god.#z.post
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.
#o;; beyond the gods (ooc)#ope one more politics post but tags only so its easier to go by#politics tw#current events tw#trump tw#im legit terrified and crying rn ans just gonna give up and go to bed#i honestly dont know what to do if trump wins#bernie moreno is gonna win here#as well as three republican supreme court nudges#we just fucking got abortion rights in our constitution last fucking year and theyve tried to prevent it this whole time#now theyre gonna full on fucking reverse it#and if trump wins on top of that were just all fucked#but i have to go to work tomorrow and interact wiht the oublic like nothing is wrong#and i cant do that if trump wins#i legitimately dint think i can survive another trump presidency guys#im scared
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deeply fucking annoyed with my college advisor rn
#hey girl! what the fuck#i was on top of shit last year but listen i've had a fucking SEMESTER.#so sorry if i didn't remember to register/get ready to enroll in classes when i received NOT EVEN ONE REMINDER#my advising is tomorrow. fucking. i'm scared. people have said my advisor sucks shit. :(#i'm used to doing everything myself anyways i just didn't this time for multiple very good reasons#fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkklkkk i am DEEPLY FUCKING ANNOYED#LIKE. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. FUCK!!!!!!! FUCKKKYNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#bitch your job is to advise. why didn't you!!!#maybe i should be mad at myself. but it is almost 11pm and i would rather be mad at someone fucking else#so for now fuck you lady i'm playing catch up with like all of my motjerfucking bitch ass classes for the past seven fucking weeks get fuck#i'm so FUCK ING ANNOYED#fuck fuck fuck fuc fuckety fuck son of fuckson fuckerman#FUUUUCKK!!!!!#im sorry everyone#GOD FUCKING DAMMIT THOUGH!!!!!!#when the semester ends the sobbing breakdown is gonna be insaaaaaneee <333#bluebird.txt
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry
#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages#i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3#might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now.#unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year#just enough for today.#lately when i've been praying it just looks like#please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL#things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart#i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything#all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food.#in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared#just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself#i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try#but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH.#please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it.#talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things.#i just wish i had someone to sit next to me.#personal#i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.
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Ford pines for headcanons?
YES FUCKCING YES GIRL!!!!!!!! LETS A GO !
A (Realisitic): lovessssss doodling on paper. has an affinity for eyes (;]), swirlies, scribbles, and creatures. whatever he can get his damned hands on he will doodle on it and he will do it happily. my boy's an artist ❤️❤️
B (Not Realistic But Funny): honestly in canon ford's probably into music too much but i can see him being an period music fan. abba, queen (teehee), freetwood mac, david bowie, etc. that's just his VIBE to me, not in the crowley way but in his own strong inks and cigarette smoke way. i associate thoss things with him as well as anythinf existing before 1982 with him alot if u didnt know. i still see something and go "ford missed this 😔" or "ford didn't miss this! 😁" in a sad or happy tone at least once a day /srs. oh i love this guy
C (Heart-Crushing): this kinda collides with D but im keeping it in that category. soul crushing? ford never knowing what to hope for in regards to stan on the other side. whenever he has time to think about it, he isnt sure whether to imagine him in his house or dead in a ditch, and the mystyer honestly scares him more than he'd like to admit. ford kinda treats it like schrodinger's cat in a way--as long as he never confirms, it could really be anything, and that absolves him of any potential guilt. so. (also: that he celebrates holidays out in the multiverse too, when possible. makeshift menoras, pastries in substitute of bday cakes, lighting sticks during new years. just for the sense of grounding. ALSO alsohe's spent at least 3 birthdays in a prison cell or very hurt. so. yeah)
D (Unrealistic but FUCK CANON): has always stuggled with addiction, especially with antidepressants or alcohol. thus sort of snowballs into a whole "if this makes me feel good i cannot have for more than needed" but still ends upgrappling with it anyway. he suffered MAJORRRR withdrawlel when portal stranded and since then swore off it bc he drank the most under bill's influence. it's very important to me and i need more fics about it sooooooo bad, bc while i HAVE written my own, i think someone else is needed to do it justice. now that im remembering this i HAVE read some with this hc and they were beautiful and i need to reread them again and i need to REWATCH THIS DAMN SHOW SO I CAN READ AND WRITE SOME FIC AGAI .... also there IS some evidence as extracted by @/callipraxia (need to find that meta again) but i DOUBT that would ever be canon bc of the kid show rating. (watch the book of bill canonize this seven fucking months from now. i swear to god..../j)
TY FOR THE ASK!!!!!! 💖💖
#this mightbe unprompted but i just wanna preface this saying#just becauss you see gomens on ur dash almost exclusively now doesnt mean im just a gomens blog#like i still love gravity falls SOOO MUCHHHH like ur never gonna get rid of that that was my FIRST fandom#thats the one where i found all my friends!!! thats what we bonded over and still talk about!!!! i am still the ford person#(if you'd like me to be!)#and im likely never gonna let that go regardless of how far it may slink in the background#i still have a whole shelf dedicated to my merch for it for FUCK'S SAKE#i just reallyyyyyyy need to rewatch it. but im scared of rewatching things especially since theyre so long lmao#i also.need.to continue my fic! and get stanuary up and running GOD DAMN IT!#wait FICS. its TWO gf wips i have AURGHHHHHHHH#i need to revive my love. i can feel it on the precipise but im not yet in touch. i'l get back there i PROMISE !!! none of u are safe >:)))#ask game#the guys (with a z!)#sorry for the long text jacky i was just unloaded djbdndndddjs#god man now that im thinkinf about it again there some damn fics i need to read/reread. I NEED TO REWATCH GRABITY FALLS#I WILL. STARTING TOMORROW. I NEED TO DO IT TO REFRESH ON MABEL AND STAN FOR STANUARY AND THE FIC PASS THING ANYWAY. IMA DO IT.... PROMMY
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> You are encased in the cement that is those you love who love you.
> It protects you. Makes you beautiful. It will immortalize you.
> Your legs are restless.
> You're going to have to move, sooner or later.
> The sun will blind you, at first. The wind will feel like razors against your skin for a time.
> Do you think it'll be worth it?
> Who would choose to become human, over art?
> There will be times where your once graceful shoulders will hunch in pain. Your formerly serene face crumpled in ugly anger.
> You will be so scared to turn around and see the wreckage. Chunks of cement and dust are all that will be left of the statue you used to be.
> Aren't you scared?
#whoah personal#poetry#i guess but also oh god this sucks#idk. im just thinking about who i want to be#and how that'll mean taking a sledgehammer to the person i used to be#and I'm scared that whatever is left after that destruction won't be worth it#that I'll be so much smaller and more twisted than I was before#and I'm also scared that the people who lean on me as i am now will topple and break if i change#what if i look too different underneath. what if it hurts them. what if they leave#destroying a person who based thenself off of the love others gave them is gonna mean rejecting the love i took#all for what? to become something else? to change in ways I can't prepare for yet?#or what if the people who love me are hurt in the aftermath?#i love them too. it's just im always scared that love isn't enough on its own#i cant just be someone who loves them. i need to be someone they love too. someone they need#god who even am i#i dont know who i would choose to be if i ran away tomorrow#thats why i wrote this. i want to run away and start it all from scratch#but im scared to run away. i know itll hurt. would it be good or bad?#this poem is inaccurate because it paints their love as smothering. its not. i smother myself and i dont know why#but its warm and nice and safe#this is also sort of about being trans but thats like. not even half of what this crisis is about#its not enough to just be a daughter. you cant just be a daughter or an older sister or a friend your whole life.#that cant be all of who and what you are. you have to be you above all else and thats fucking terrifying#idk. anyways iput sparkly license plate covers on my work vans 2 months ago and if my bosses find out I'll get yelled at#so i'm going to go take those off now. bye
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