#god i wish i was smart enough to explain all the smart things i know about

[nickbutnodick]

i hate being smart. i already have enough problems fitting in, i really just want to stop being different for once.

[nururu]

there's rlly interesting numerology stuff or whatever about the yin and yang and 1d 2d 3d 4d 5d planes and how those relate to 3,6, 9 etc. in numerology and how a complete multiplanar mash up creates new levels of existence like opening your 3rd eye and accessing your crown and ascending dimensional barriers etc etc idk I can't explain smart stuff but..... Zoro

[risuola]

I — NOT YET // When a guy in the club tries to assault you, you ask a random stranger to pretend to be your boyfriend. Little that you know that out of all people, you chose a mob boss.

contents: smut, mafia!au, briefly mentioned assault and tiny bit of violence, Sukuna (yeah, I consider him a warning), reader discretion is advised — 2,7k words

a/n: mada... mada mada~ the very second I heard this menace toying with Panda, Kusakabe and the rest in Shibuya, not allowing them to move unless he say so - my head went straight to the idea of him playing the same game in bed.

ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟʏ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ | masterlist

Sukuna never had to get used to being interrupted. Never. Anytime it happened in the past, all he had to do was to glance at the person and it usually got the message across. His gaze has enough power in it to quickly inform the intruder why invading his personal space or cutting him half-sentence is a damn bad idea. One look from him usually was enough to make anyone reconsider if they really want some problems. Sukuna had his eyes trained to be sharp and cold, his body strong and intimidating and his aura dangerous. He spent years building his reputation, earning a position in his world that now guaranteed him calm.

Now everyone and their mothers know that he’s not the one to cross paths with. He’s a VIP, he’s allowed everywhere and he has no qualms about killing someone. Ryomen Sukuna is a brand, he’s a threat, he’s untouchable, invincible. No one in the right mind would ever try to start anything with him at this point. That’s why, when he tried to relax in one of many clubs that he owns in Tokyo, he couldn’t believe someone had the guts to push onto him at the bar.

“Hey, sorry, can you please pretend to be my boyfriend for a second?”, he heard near his ear and following the sound and the soft tug on his elbow, he turned his head towards you. Lucky girl, he thought while quickly assessing the view. You were too god damn pretty to be killed, looking at him with those pleading eyes that glistened in the harsh artificial lights. You were visibly scared of something, or someone, and oddly enough it wasn’t him who brought you to the verge of tears.

“Your boyfriend, huh?”, he mused, allowing his eyes to trail down your figure. The dress you had on left little to imagination and yet he wished to tear it off to see more of you. It hugged the shapes of your body perfectly and the silky fabric betrayed the lack of bra underneath. You were attractive, but clearly not smart enough to think twice before approaching a stranger.

“Please, I beg you, this guy—“, you tried to explain, squeezing your perfectly manicured fingers around his veiny forearm, but your sentence was cut in half when a man grabbed you by the waist, pulling you away just a little and harshly pressing your back against the bar. Sukuna watched as you winced when your spine hit the edge of the wooden countertop, he watched for a moment how you tried to push the guy away. With no effect, you weren’t strong enough to stand against him, you were trapped between the unwanted body and the furniture behind you, fighting the hungry hands that were groping your figure.

“Naoya, get off of me—” you tried, pushing his face away from where he was trying to suck a spot onto your neck.

“Oh, shut up woman, I know you want it,” the blonde-ish idiot grinned, twisting your arm enough to make a space for himself. He wasn’t bothered in the least with the fact he was trying to get between your legs in the very center of a club. Sukuna’s club.

Ryomen zeroed the whisky in his glass and got up from the chair. Usually, he would ignore situations like this. Other people’s problems were none of his business and he had enough his own things to take care of, to bother himself with anything else, but you. You were a problem he was willing to explore.

“Zenin, huh?”, he asked, connecting the name he heard falling from your lips with the wannabe gangster he heard about many times before. There was a certain reputation tied to Naoya’s name, mostly regarding his treatment of women but as long as he wasn’t touching his women, Sukuna couldn’t care less about this trash of a man. You definitely were not his woman. Yet.

“The fuck you want, I’m busy,” Zenin groaned, pulling his nasty mouth away from your shoulder for just a moment, only to shot a glare to the club owner.

“I can tell that you’re busy,” Ryomen grabbed one of Naoya’s wrists. It wasn’t looking like a hard grip, but the face of the blonde betrayed the sharp, bone-breaking pain he felt.

You felt some kind of relief when the stranger you just met stepped between you and your unwanted date. The large body of him towered above you completely, he was bigger than you thought when you approached his sitting form, but you couldn’t think about it for too long when he dealt with Naoya so easily. Once the blonde was gone, he turned to you.

Your heart skipped few beats once you took the image in. The man was huge, way taller than you and built like a greek god. The sharp outlines of his muscled torso beautifully showed through the dark graphite dress shirt. Looking up, you could finally see his face clearly. His features were attractive, dangerous with the black tattooed lines around them. He could easily be a gangster or something.

“T-thank you,” you spoke finally, snapping out from the initial impression of him. He was a red flag, you knew that. If not for the circumstance, you’d probably be the first to run away from him. He was hot. An absolute smokeshow, but he was certainly bad news.

“Was he your date?”, he asked, pulling a chair that he was sitting on previously and twisting it to position, before his large hands landed on your hips. There was no effort whatsoever when he lifted you and sat you down on the seat. He opted to stand next to you.

“No… I came here with a friend, but she left earlier. I was just about to leave as well, but this guy stopped me,” you sighed. “He wouldn’t let me go, I was afraid that he’ll just walk after me to my home. I’m sorry I interrupted you.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. The gesture in itself was soft, but you shivered underneath his touch nonetheless. You couldn’t quite tell what made him so… scary. Was it his overwhelming frame? Or maybe the calm, distant demeanor? He had authority, he was expecting submission and when he was looking at you, you felt like a prey of him. Strangely, you were quite fine with that. You had no wish of doing anything with Naoya, but this man… he was different, he was interesting, he made you cross your legs just to feel any kind of pressure between your thighs. “Your name?”

“Y/n,” you replied.

“Y/n. Nice,” he gave it a soft nod and ordered two drinks. “Ryomen is my name. Sukuna Ryomen. Memorize it.”

“Sure…”

At this moment, you had no guts to ask why was it important to imprint the name he told you into your brain, but it all became clear just barely two hours later. You couldn’t exactly recall the moment Sukuna led you out of the club and into his car. There was something so enticing about his entire aura that made you lose your ability to think. He made you break every rule you ever had for yourself – to not talk with strangers, not go with them anywhere. Before that night you were doing exceptionally good in avoiding danger, you somehow slipped through your life up until that point without any major problems, but once you faced the problem, it was a big one.

The talk was good, it flowed easily and the menacing aura that Ryomen had all around him kept you interested. You had no idea that you’re attracted to bad boys, and maybe you were not exactly into school hooligans. Turned out, you’re aroused by the much worse kind – the kind that keeps a gun behind his belt, drinks pure whisky and makes people run away just by shooting them a glance. Yeah, that seems to be the kind of men you are into, because if there was any common sense left in you, you’d be out the door and running towards the safety of your dormitory. If there was any self-preservation instinct in you, you’d be probably anywhere else, rather than in here.

In the most luxurious house you’ve ever seen, not to mention been inside of; somewhere in the outskirts of Tokyo where you were not even sure how you can get back to your home from there. If you were just a little smarter, you’d for sure be in your own bed right now and not on the dark leather couch, with your silky dress scrunched up around your waist and your underwear torn to pieces and laying on the floor. If you had more braincells, maybe you wouldn’t be bouncing on that stranger’s dick right now, gripping onto his muscular shoulders as one of his large hands kept your hip in a dead grip, leading your moves up and down his girthy length and the other one tightly squeezed around the back of your neck, from where he was keeping his head close so he could kiss you so hungrily it took your breath away. But that’s just where you were. And you wouldn’t change a thing.

He felt so goddamn good, filling your tight hole to the very brim, stretching you to the point of delirium and he wasn’t even fully in yet. His moves were aggressive and yet sensual; he made you feel small even if it was you who was on top of him. You had no control, he made it clear with the way he was holding you and every time you tried to dominate him in any way, he quickly showed you your place back. Maybe later, he’ll let you have your way with him, but now, he was in charge.

“Think you can take all of me?” He asked against the delicate skin of your neck, now painted in red and purple marks he nibbed onto it. You could feel him grinning at the way you squeezed your little hands on his clothed biceps. He got you all exposed and yet he only allowed you to free his dick; his shirt was still buttoned up, his pants were still on his legs. There was a certain dominance shown in the way he got you all naked on top of his suit.

“N-no,” you breathed out, “too big.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can.” Sukuna doesn’t exactly accept no as an answer and he for sure gave you enough time to accommodate to his size. “You’ll take it and thank me for it, yeah?”

“Yes,” was all you could mumble, before both of his large hands landed on your hips. The iron grip, you were sure, was going to bruise you but now, it felt grounding in a way.

“Good girl,” he praised, his purr vibrated against your skin as he sucked yet another mark along your collarbone. It distracted you for a moment before he pushed your pelvis even lower, fully bottoming into you. Your clit made a contact with his lower belly, the harsh brush of his skin against the swollen bud making you moan louder than you were meaning to. You felt like all of your organs were moved out of the way just to make more space for his dick and Sukuna couldn’t be more satisfied by the way you took him in. “See? As if you were made to take this cock.”

Something incoherent left your mouth, a tear stained your cheek and the man was happy to lick it away, tasting the saltiness before he bucked his hips up, keeping yours in place. He took full control, thrusting into you with all the power he had in his muscular body and you held onto his shoulders with your little hands. The filthy, wet sounds were filling the interiors, bouncing off the walls and mixing with all of the whines and whimpers that were leaving your lips. Some grunts added to the melody, but you barely heard any of it, too consumed by the exploding pleasure between your legs.

Sukuna’s name was leaving your mouth like a prayer, you felt so close, you felt like falling and you had no intention to stop. The man grinned, licking a long stroke along your throat, his tongue curling upwards as it reached the tip of your chin. The taste of your skin felt intoxicating to him, he wanted to devour you whole, to keep all for himself.

“You wanna cum, huh?” His voice was taunting. “You’re clenching around me so fucking hard, you’re gonna milk me as well.”

“Yes, yes, please,” you near damn begged, chasing the bliss that you could almost taste on your tongue right now. It filled all of your body cells, rushed through your veins in ecstatic waves of lust.

“Not yet,” he ordered and it felt almost painful to force yourself back from the state of climax. You could tell he was playing with you, toying with his dominance, reminding you that it’s him who pulls the strings in here. And yet, he was still rutting into you, his movements completely different to what he was saying, he was fucking you like he wanted you to cum in that very moment. “Still not yet,” he teased, feeling your little fingers digging onto his shoulders, your manicured nails nearly making holes in his shirt as your eyes fell shut.

“Oh god, Ryomen, please,” you whined. Your thighs were shaking, your spine arching and the incredible tension below your stomach threatened to burst any second now.

“Now,” he ordered and just like that, all inside of you snapped. You came all over his dick, and you came hard. It felt like nothing you’ve ever experienced, like you were suddenly shot into another dimension and if not for the way he sped up his movements, you’d probably just get lost in the lustful feeling. Ryomen came just few moments after you, wrapping his arms around your waist and painting your walls white. You felt him throbbing, spasming inside of you, the hot seed gushed out of you as he was pumping it in, staining your thighs and the bottom of his black shirt. Then he pushed you down, fully onto his cock, plugging the way out for his cum.

You found his lips, swallowing his quickened breath as you kissed him with desire and he gave in, quickly dominating the kiss. You were tired, the muscles in your legs were burning from the intense exercise, but you couldn’t shake off the feeling of still wanting more. He made you hungry, he made you unsatiated and you were sure, you won’t be able to recognize yourself after you’re done with him. You were never such a greedy lover but frankly, you never had a chance to feel that good with anyone. The boys you’ve been with had no skills and if not for the orgasms you gave yourself with your fingers, no one else ever brought you over the edge like Sukuna.

“Can you undress?” You asked him, your lips brushing against his as you mouthed the question and he chased your kiss with his head, grabbing your lower lip between his teeth. There was a certain expression painted all over his dangerously handsome features, the menacing aura amplified as he took his sweet time before replying.

“I can undress,” he began, yet there was a but hanging in the air. He had conditions and you were open to hear them. “I’ll give you two options, little kitten. Wanna hear ‘em?”

“Yes.”

“I won’t undress. You can pull yourself together and I can drive you back to your home now. But I can also take the suit off, carry you to my bed. Then you’ll stay with me till morning, but don’t have any hopes for a calm sleep, no. The night will be as filthy as it can get. You’ll be sore tomorrow, most likely exhausted.”

You blinked hearing the options. It was clear as day, stop there or continue? You knew the answer already, your body decided for you even before he came up with an offer.

“Will you drive me home as well if I pick the second option?”

“Of course.”

“Then let’s get you naked.”

[heavenbarnes]

completely self indulgent thoughts about older!bf simon inspired by today's events at work. I work in tech/sales and a lot of my days are spent setting up new phones for people who are 35+, that for the life of them, can't figure out technology. just thinking about older!bf simon needing to get a new phone and asks reader for her thoughts, but when reader starts talking about storage size or sim cards he gets confused and just tells her "pick whatever love, I trust your judgement" not just because he does in fact, trust her judgement, but also because he can't he bothered trying to learn and understand.

have many thoughts about this.

friend, 90% of what i write is entirely self indulgent- we’ve got to do it 🫶🏼

it’s a miracle you convinced older bf!simon to finally get rid of that god forsaken flip phone and start working with an actual smartphone.

granted, it was like pulling teeth (yes the prospect of receiving nudes whilst he was deployed helped) but what mattered was he’d finally entered the 21st century.

and then he drops his cellphone on the drive and manages to boot it into the side of the neighbour’s garage. the thing was absolutely munted by the time it’d come off the end of simon’s steel cap.

which is why you’re standing in the middle of the electronics store looking at endless tables of cellphones and simon looks like he’s there at gunpoint.

“i ‘ave been held at gunpoint, was better than this”

so you lead him to the smartphones that are smart but not too smart, the ones that look hard to break or get wrong. they also look older than half the people working in the store, but that’s besides the point.

“can i help you both with anything?”

right on cue, a young but cheery guy appears across the table with a lanyard that tells you his name is hunter and he’s ready to help!

“no”

your elbow fits nicely under simon’s ribcage as you gear up to play hunter’s defence lawyer for however long this interaction is going to take.

“hi hunter, this one is looking for a new smartphone- what do you recommend?”

and while hunter does a standup job at explaining the benefits of a handful of phones he probably hasn’t sold to anyone under 75, simon is suddenly well engaged.

“and we’ve got a selection of cases, just regular ones or tough ones”

“need t’be tough, don’t want the fucker breakin’ when i’ve got someone in a headlock”

hunter pales and you veeeery slowly turn to simon with a look on your face that begs to know what the actual fuck is wrong with him.

“oh simon, you comic trailblazer- you know what, you’ve been so helpful hunter, thank you!”

you cut the kid loose as he tries to leave the table without taking his eyes off simon, who coincidentally is doing the exact same thing to him.

“would it kill you to let him help us?!”

��just about, didn’t like the way he looked at ‘ya”

the kid didn’t look a day out of school and naturally your better half has to pick a fight with any guy that so much as exists within your atmosphere.

he’s lucky he’s so handsome.

“ugh, which one do you prefer? 32GB? 64?”

“whaddyou’ reckon?”

and you’re about to let out the longest sigh known to man when you catch the look on his face.

that same look he gives you when he’s dressed up for dinner or just come back from a haircut, the look he gives you that tells you he’s looking for your opinion.

approval

“32 would do you, i don’t think you need that much space”

he grunts before he pulls you into his side, taking you both to the counter so he can get you to say all that again to your helpful attendee.

“oi, hunter”

poor guy nearly jumps out of his skin but manages to settle when he realises he’s about to close the sale, even manages to upsell that tough case.

simon settles once he’s back in the car with you, eyes scanning the box his phone comes in and grumbling something under his breath.

when you ask him to speak up you immediately wish you hadn’t.

“lost all those videos ‘f yours, better be enough space f’the new ones”

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Waiting For Someone Better

Pairing: Tom!Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.1k

Warnings: fluff

Summary: Prom is right around the corner, and you're waiting for someone special to ask you.

Squares Filled: free space for @spider-man-bingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

You keep your head down when you enter school because you don’t like the attention on yourself. However, when you see Peter at his locker, you bounce over to him, ignoring the stares you get.

“Hey, Peter,” you grin.

“Oh, hey, Y/N,” he stutters.

God, he’s so cute when he’s nervous.

“I missed you this weekend. I don’t like to study alone.”

“I’m sorry. I had something come up with my aunt, and it was this whole thing. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about it,” he shakes his head and puts his books into his locker.

“Nah, I get it. You better make it this weekend.”

“I promise,” he smiles.

You stand there in awkward silence because you’re waiting for him to say something to you. Prom is next month and you still have no date for it. Peter gives you a side glance but doesn’t say anything about it.

“Okay, I’ll see you in class.”

“See ya,” he smiles.

Ned waits until you leave before joining his best friend’s side.

“Did you do it?”

“No,” Peter sighs.

“Why not? You had the perfect opportunity! You better do it soon before someone else asks her. I know Flash was looking at her the other day.”

“What?” Peter swivels his head to his best friend. “No, he wasn’t. Shut up. I’ll ask her.”

“Better be today.”

Peter and Ned say their goodbyes before Peter heads to his science class which he has with you… and Flash. You two have been lab partners for the whole year so maybe he’ll ask you during class. You smile when he walks in and his whole day suddenly gets better.

This class is meant to catch up on your project which you’re struggling with. Peter is so smart that this kind of stuff comes easily to him, so you’re hoping he can do a better job at explaining it to you than the teacher can.

“I really don’t understand this. Can you explain it to me so I can do my part better?” you ask him in a low voice.

“Don’t worry,” he whispers with a smile. “I’ll do it for you.”

He takes out the chemicals to make the special mixture and you watch with admiration at how easily this comes to him.

“I admire how smart you are. I wish I could be that.”

Peter lowers his head so you don’t see the blush on his cheeks and ears. There is a lot of chatter in the classroom as everyone tries to work on their projects so if Peter wants to ask you, then he can do it now without a bunch of people overhearing him. He’s going to do it. He has to do it now before someone else asks you.

He lifts his head and looks at you but no words can come out of his mouth. Flash is behind you just staring at you which makes him even all the more shy about this.

“So, Prom is next month,” you say and he snaps his eyes to you.

“I know,” he nods. “You’re on the committee for it, right?”

“Yeah. Are you going to go?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Are you/”

“Well, no one has asked me yet.”

You’d think the stare you’re giving Peter would be enough to tell him to ask you but he doesn’t. In fact, he can barely look at you. Maybe he doesn’t like you. You take this as your sign that you should move on to someone else.

When class ends, you and Peter pack up your things and are about to leave when Flash stops you.

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“I’ll catch up with you later,” you say to Peter who only nods. You could have sworn you saw a look of disappointment but you could be wrong. “What’s up?”

“Look, I’m not going to beat around the bush. Want to go to Prom with me?” There is something about the way he’s asking that gives you the ick. It’s like he’s cocky and is only doing this because he knows it’ll piss Peter off. Peter might not want to go with you but that doesn’t mean you’ll resort to Flash. You open your mouth to respond but he beats you to it. “Before you answer, tell me one thing. I beat Peter to it, huh?”

“Even if you did, there is no way I’d go to Prom with you.”

You leave Flash hanging and walk away from him to go to your next class. You didn’t see Peter for the rest of the school day since you only had science with him, and you didn’t see him after class since you had to go to your part-time job right after.

Your dad owns a men’s suit store in town that is very popular with the older folk, and he allowed you to be a cashier to make extra money and save up for something you really want like a car or a laptop. The first hour is pretty slow since everyone is still at work so you’re just moving about the store and tidying up the clothes as you see fit.

The bell on top of the door rings when someone enters, and you look to see Peter walk in.

“Peter? What are you doing here?” you chuckle.

“I’m looking for a suit to wear to Prom.”

“Okay. Just let me know if you need anything.” Over the next ten minutes, he wanders the store and keeps sighing, indicating he’d like for you to ask him what’s wrong. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You’re about to leave to clean when he stops you. “So, you’re going to Prom with Flash?”

“And if I am?” you chuckle.

This time, you don’t miss the look of jealousy that flashes over his face. 

“No big deal.”

Okay, this is just too fun. The longer you go without saying something, the more Peter is fuming. It gets to a point where you have to put him out of his misery.

“I’m joking, Peter. He asked but I said no.”

Peter’s shoulders tense and then relax.

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“Do you want to know why I said no?”

“Why?”

“I’m waiting for someone else to ask me.”

You keep eye contact for ten seconds before leaving his side to go back to the cashier’s desk. Wait, were you talking about him? Do you want him to ask you? Ned is right. If he keeps avoiding this, then someone else will ask you and you might not say no next time. He takes three deep breaths before going up to the counter and placing his hands on the desk as if he means business.

“Y/N? Will you go to Prom with me?”

“Yes,” you grin.

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, Peter,” you laugh, “I will go to Prom with you.”

“Awesome,” he smiles. “Okay, I gotta go. I have to get a suit.”

Peter is out the door before you can tell him he’s already in a store that sells suits. He’s dorky but he wouldn’t be Peter if he wasn’t.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[pinqueen30]

Part 3

*meanwhile, somewhere at Dev*

Peri: Listen, maybe I can help?

Dev: No.

Peri: Why?

Dev: Because I can handle it myself. It's just homework

Peri: You look at one page for 20 minutes

Dev: Leave me alone

Peri: To be more precise, 23 minutes and 43 seconds

Dev: That's enough, I can handle it myself, I'm not stupid

Peri: I didn't say that. I'm saying you need help

Dev: No.

Peri: *sighed* We are walking in a vicious circle *turned around, saw someone coming into the room* Kiddo

Dev: I asked you not to distract me

Peri: Why do you have a doll version of Hazel in your room?

Dev: What? *turned around, looked where Peri pointed* It's not mine. Did you do that?

Peri: No, I wouldn't have asked you then

Dev: *came up, picked up the doll, turned it over* (in his mind) "It's just like a real one, and pretty cute... Wait, stop" *looked at Peri* How did she end up here?

Peri: *shrugged his shoulders*

Plush Hazel: You have such beautiful hands!

*Both of them turned their heads sharply towards the doll*

Peri: What? *stifled a chuckle*

Dev: Eh?

PH: And the eyes, oh, I just love your eyes! Especially when you're not wearing glasses or lenses. And when you don't gel your hair. I like your curls so much, they look like a cloud. You're actually very handsome. And you are so sweet, kind and funny! And you're also smart, and the way you get carried away and immerse yourself in different things as much as possible

Dev: Wh-what? *red*

Peri: So, of course, it's great that you decided to figure everything out, but still take it easy mini version of Hazel, he's going to suffocate now

PH: In fact, I like almost everything about you! I've been wanting to say it for a long time, but I was afraid it would ruin everything. I love y-

Hazel: *run into the room, gasping, all red* WAIT, NO! *Takes the doll away from the Dev, shuts her mouth* COSMO, WANDA, DEACTIVATE THE WISH, NOW!

*The doll disappears*

Hazel: How much did she say, Dev?

Dev: *very red, inarticulate sounds*

Hazel: Dev?

Peri: Kid, you have to breathe, otherwise you're going to die

Hazel: *turned to Peri* How much did she say?

Peri: Well, you interrupted her at the moment when she confessed to D-

Hazel: Understand *blushed very much*

*standing, silent*

Peri: You know, I'm probably not going to bother you, I'm going to talk to my parents... *flying away*

Hazel: *sighed* Dev, I... God, please forgive me for what happened, I thought everything would be different. Well, I mean, I didn't think *starts explaining and talking a lot*

*Dev doesn't hear her*

Dev: (in his mind) "SHELOVESMESHELOVESMESHELOVESME. So, Dev, calmly, you need to think rationally, don't panic. Calmly. Nothing serious happened, it's just Hazel, who we've liked for a very long time, confesses her love to you. She confesses her love to me. Hazel. Hazel loves me. Hazel loves me. Oh my God"

Hazel: And I think I like you, is it mutual?

Dev: (in his mind) "I have to answer something. Something cool and normal"

Hazel: Dev?

Dev: (in his mind) "Devin, you can't just stand there and say nothing. Answer anything!"

Hazel: Is everything okay? I understand this is unexpected-

Dev: Cool, thanks

Hazel: Huh?

Dev: (in his mind) "NOT THAT"

Peri: Dev... *handface*

Dev: What did I just say out loud? *blushed even more* No, that's not what I meant! I didn't want to say it! Forget what I said! Peri, erase the last 30 seconds, I should have said something cool and normal!

Peri: Nope

Dev: What does "nope" mean?! Peri, this moment cannot go down in history like this! It should be anything but not this! You don't tell the girl you like, "cool, thanks"

Hazel: Do you like me?

Dev: Of course, I do! How can I not like you? you're sweet, kind, funny, cheerful, you always forgive me, even though I'm acting like a jerk. I'm acting like this even now! It should have been different...*covered his face with his hand*

Hazel: Hey, it's okay, really! *took his other hand* Moreover, I embarras myself with this doll. I should have told you everything right away

Dev: You didn't embarrass yourself, everything is good! Really!

Hazel: Oh, thanks *chuckle* And besides, it all turned out quite original, don't you think? *smiled*

Dev: *looked at their hands, smiled back, nodded*

*Cosmo, Wanda and Peri look at them with smiles on their faces*

Cosmo: Ohhh, that's so sweet, first love

Wanda: I remember how you and I confessed to each other, it was like yesterday

Peri: Wait, no, let's have you with declarations of love a little later. And let's leave them alone, because it seems to me that we are clearly superfluous here

Wanda: You're right, they still have a lot to discuss

*Leave them alone*

[1d1195]

Zipper

Hi hi, sorry for the short break there. I've been working on this the last three days and it flowed out quite quickly to 9.5K words.

Warnings: Harry doesn't like her (or does he), there's a damsel in distress scene implying SA nothing happens nor described but could be triggering, "enemies" trope, Harry wears a lot of suits and is angry a lot.

Disclaimer: Everything I know about lawyers comes from TV shows.

Harry was a smart guy, but he truly hadn’t a clue as to why he was so mad at the prospect of liking her.

So, he pretended he didn’t. “You and Harry are together an awful lot,” his friend Niall said to her with a smirk once. They were in clear earshot of Harry, and nothing made Harry crankier than knowing his friends saw how mean he was toward her. It was the topic of many conversations over video games and while working out at the gym.

“Enough, Niall,” he muttered. “It’s not by choice.”

“Don’t know why he’s all grumpy about you all the time, princess,” Niall said quietly to her when his back was turned. “He talks about you more than any girl I’ve ever seen him with.”

“He just doesn’t like me much,” she explained.

“Oh, princess. I think it’s quite the opposite.”

Harry hated her. She could never figure out why. She and Gemma were on the same soccer team growing up, so she’s known Harry for forever. Because she and Harry were of the same caliber in school (and the same age), they were always in each other’s classes. Always in group projects together.

It made her wildly popular in school to know the one and only Harry Styles so closely—and she did. She knew he wouldn’t drink tea past four in the afternoon. He liked chocolate candy better than fruity candy. Any time he saw a dog while they were on their way to study together, he would dig a bag of little treats out of his backpack to give away. When his left eye got droopy it meant they had to take a break and she would always recommend some hot chocolate or lemonade (depending on the season) at the coffee shop near the town library.

However, their conversations never delved too deeply. She knew his birthday but not his favorite color—she suspected it was blue or maybe orange because most of his pens were blue and his highlighters were almost always orange. Of course, she knew Gemma and Anne, but she didn’t know what their relationship with Harry was like. Because of school, she knew most of his political opinions—and big shocker, they were roughly the same as hers—but she didn’t know his favorite music or if he liked to sleep with a fan on or not. When he was sick, she didn’t know if he liked sleep or soup. If it was his last day on earth, she doesn’t know how he would spend it. They weren’t things that she necessarily needed to know to define their friendship, but somehow, in her eyes, they were.

Other than school mandated projects, she was convinced Harry wouldn’t give her the time of day. “Can we jus’ get this over with?” Was Harry’s mantra around her during their school days.

She wished they could be friends.

She didn’t want to be that girl, but it was impossible not to be. Harry was beautiful and he was nice—just not very nice to her. She didn’t fault him for it, she wasn’t his cup of tea and that was fine. The way other girls sighed and ahh-ed over him made her jealous. She couldn’t do that. Harry was Gemma’s brother and her peer and that was it.

Needless to say, their lives were clearly going to be attached for the rest of their lives. They were like a coat zipper. They met when they were young and as they slid the zipper to the top more pieces of their life meshed. At first it was soccer with Gemma, then it was school in general, projects and friend groups, and now it was university.

Of course, they were going to get degrees in history and law.

Of course, they would have classes together.

Of course, Harry would be at every party she was invited to.

She knocked on the door to the party her friends were invited to, and she waited as the door opened. “God you’re everywhere,” he muttered taking a swig of the drink in his hand. He opened the door wider to allow her and her friends in and walked away without mingling a moment longer. She sighed and stepped through the threshold while her friends filed in behind her.

“You know Harry?” One of her friends gasped.

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “Grew up together,” she said heading for the kitchen to get a drink. There was a barrage of questioning. The interrogation of how well she knew him, if he was single—he was, as far as she knew—and so on. “He doesn’t like me much,” she shrugged.

“Shut up,” her friend said. “He likes everyone.”

“I’m not sure what to tell you. I’m not everyone.”

They were kind enough to let the conversation drop. But their eyes darted back forth between the two of them whenever they were remotely in the same realm as one another. Harry was never outrightly mean to her. He never made fun of her and never talked ill of her. They talked about school projects and assignments and classes and that was it.

Harry’s friends all really liked her. Of course, they liked her. There wasn’t anything to dislike about her. She was brilliant, incredibly kind, and naturally nurturing. It made Harry nauseous most of the time. He hated she could be so kind all the time—even when he was a dick to her. It made it all the harder for him to not like her.

*

It was halfway through the semester when her phone vibrated with a message from Harry. She could feel the confusion wrinkling her face as she brought the phone closer to her face as if it was a trick. Harry never texted her. If there was a school project that needed doing, he was highly professional and would only email her. The only reason she had his number was because Gemma gave it to her when her phone was broken, and she was her ride to their soccer tournaments.

Could you read my essay?

Surely this was a trick. She couldn’t help but ask. Really?

Yeah. The response was immediate. Obviously, nothing special. She could practically feel his annoyance through his text bubble.

Sure.

Thanks. Conclusion needs work, I know.

The conclusion may have needed work, but it was a pretty good essay otherwise. A few grammatical errors and a rewording of a paragraph or two and his essay was finished. She didn’t question why Harry asked her. Surely, he had plenty of friends that would be willing to read it over.

His seeking her out was quite the surprise to her, but to Harry it made the most sense. At some point in time, maybe in year ten, he realized that he was probably stuck with her for a good long while. There was no denying she was smart—in fact, Harry thought she was brilliant. Probably smarter than him on any given day. And again, that agonizing kindness made him sick. He knew she would read his essay because she was so nice. If Harry acted the way he did to anyone else but her, they wouldn’t give him the time of day.

But he also didn’t trust anyone else in the world to read his work and know what it needed like she did.

She took all the essay reading to mean it was okay to ask him for school favors as well.

Do you have notes from the history lecture yesterday? I wasn’t feeling well.

I’ll email them to you.

Thank you.

Harry took good notes. She wouldn’t have asked anyone but Harry because she knew they took notes the same way. Of course, they did. If anything, his notes were neater because he typed just as fast as their professor spoke while she preferred to handwrite so she would remember better.

Do you know what our professor meant by this?

She sent him back a picture of her own notes with a marking around the part that Harry was referring to. This was my interpretation, but I emailed him to double check, I’ll let you know what he says.

Thanks.

Harry looked at her notes on his phone again and admired her handwriting. He doesn’t know how she was able to write so much so quickly during their lectures. He saw her shake her hand out every time their professor paused to answer a question or catch a breath. She had pretty handwriting.

*

The parties they attended together (not on purpose, just by happenstance) were when Harry was at his meanest. He would roll his eyes at her if she was part of a drinking game. Harry’s eyes shot daggers whenever any guy tried speaking with her, always there to remind her of some project they had to do, and he didn’t want to be stuck doing it himself. None of it clicked to her that he was jealous.

Of course, he was. She was the prettiest and nicest girl he knew, and he was mad.

Harry was a smart guy, but he truly hadn’t a clue as to why he was so mad at the prospect of liking her.

So, he pretended he didn’t. “You and Harry are together an awful lot,” his friend Niall said to her with a smirk once. They were in clear earshot of Harry, and nothing made Harry crankier than knowing his friends saw how mean he was toward her. It was the topic of many conversations over video games and while working out at the gym.

“Enough, Niall,” he muttered. “It’s not by choice.”

That stung, made her face warm in embarrassment, but it was partly true. They were practically stuck together. Zipped together by some life force. “Don’t know why he’s all grumpy about you all the time, princess,” Niall said quietly to her when his back was turned. “He talks about you more than any girl I’ve ever seen him with.”

She shrugged it off. It would make sense, he talked about her so much. Other than her roommate she probably saw Harry more than her own family. “He just doesn’t like me much,” she explained.

“Oh, princess. I think it’s quite the opposite.”

*

Gem suggested I ask if we could carpool home. Save her a trip.

Yeah, of course.

Thanks.

“Do you like her?” Niall asked Harry. “Like, she’s really nice and pretty. Obviously, she’s very smart so—"

He cleared his throat to hide the gasp that nearly left his lips. “What?” He asked, slipping his phone back into his pocket. They were at the library whispering to each other while studying for finals. He could see her in the back corner, headphones in her ears and answering his message almost as soon as he sent it. He was certain she would ace all her exams, no problem at all.

“Your friend from home,” he tilted his head to the girl in the corner. “Do you like her?” He repeated.

Harry shook his head. “No.”

Niall quirked an eyebrow at him. “S’weird...you’re kind of perfect for each other.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled. He wanted no part of it. Sure, she was nice and sweet, and in the right light Harry couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by how pretty she was. But he didn’t want to be with someone he’d known his whole life. He wanted someone he didn’t know—someone that didn’t know his every thought. He wanted to discover a new relationship where he would find someone that didn’t know everything there was to know about him.

Regardless, if he knew all too well that she would be perfect for him.

*A few years later*

“This will be your office,” the sweet secretary informed her. She wasn’t a young secretary, but she wasn’t old either. Somewhere in the middle—she reminded her of her mom and that eased her worry of her new job fresh out of school. “I heard you know your office neighbor here. He gave you a glowing recommendation saying “the bosses would be fools to not hire you” I believe was how he phrased it. They’re all very excited to have you on board.”

She blinked, setting her box down of trinkets she collected ready to have her first big job. A list of clients sat on her desk. She was ready to get started—eager even. Excited and nervous all at once. The box of trinkets would make her office homier and she started setting out the calendar and picture frames as she shook her head at the woman helping her get the lay of the land. “That can’t be right, my professors did my recommendations...I can’t imagine my professors saying that about me,” she chuckled nervously. “I think they liked me and all but—”

“No, no!” She interrupted with a giggle. “Pardon me, one of your references, Harry; Harry Styles,” she smirked.

Blinking in surprise, she felt her lips part in a breathless gasp. She had asked Harry as a parting gift of sorts if he’d be willing to be a reference for her on her job applications. “I don’t think anyone really knows my work ethic the way you do,” she admitted. “I understand if you don’t want to, I’d be willing to be a reference for you as well either—”

“Sure,” he shrugged. “No problem. That’s probably a good idea. Thank you.”

“Harry works here?” She asked, completely dumbfounded. She shouldn’t have been. She should have known of all the gin joints. Her heart pounded and the air in the room felt thin. When she had sent her applications and resumes out to every firm in the area, she didn’t dream that she would still be side by side with Harry. There were easily fifty or so firms in the city. There was no way the length of their lives on this zipper extended to work post-graduation.

“I thought that was why you applied here. Harry made it seem like you both—”

“Hi,” speak of the devil. She wanted to know the end of that sentence. The idea that Harry made it seem like anything was between them—friendship, collegiate respect, anything—seemed paradoxical.

But here he was in all his brilliant and handsome glory.

Harry looked effortlessly beautiful and nearly seductive standing in her office doorway. He was wearing a suit, but it looked like it was nearly painted on him—hugging each of his defined arms and seemed to stretch perfectly over his long legs. Throughout their schooling and university, she wondered when he had time to hit the gym because he didn’t go while she walked on the treadmill and read her textbooks—the one time the zipper of life skipped over their meeting. But it was obvious he had found time. Again, she wasn’t immune to his good looks and persona. She had seen him be nice and lovely to everyone he knew time and time again.

Just not her.

His hair was styled just so, and she could practically see the sweet secretary swooning at the sight of him. “Welcome,” he said. He looked like a kid to her. As if his mom told him to say hi and wish her a happy birthday or something even though he didn’t want to. He smiled weakly at her. It felt forced.

“Hi,” she answered, still in shock.

He nodded at her and left without another word. “He’s dreamy,” she said with an all too familiar sigh. “I don’t know how anyone gets any work done around here.”

She shook her head. “I can’t believe he works here.”

“I completely assumed he told you about the position...His friend is one of the senior partners,” she shrugged. “Louis?” She said. “I think Louis’ younger sister knows of you both or something.” She tilted her head at the woman. “I know everything,” she shrugged.

“You sure do,” she smirked. “Uh...no, I didn’t know Harry worked here.”

“I think it was Harry’s plan along with Louis or whatever—since they were young. They hang out a lot here.”

“Hmm,” she hummed. “I didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t mean to say Harry’s the reason you got the job—your qualifications are outstanding and—”

“No, no, you’re fine,” she promised. “I know what you meant.”

Poor Harry.

For the most part though, the two rarely interacted. They would run into each other in the break room or near the copier in the storage room. On one occasion Harry asked her to read over his outline for a case to make sure he hit all the major components of what he needed to do. Every so often Harry would bring her tea and not say anything at all to her. She found it odd and thanked him even though he never spoke to her.

She was oddly comforted by the fact he was just one room over.

*

There was a gentle knock on her door before it opened. “Some of us are getting Chinese food and I noticed you’ve been holed up all day—are you okay?” Harry appeared speaking the longest sentence that wasn’t about schoolwork or a case in their entire life. And he even asked about her well-being.

She wasn’t okay. She had a headache, something fierce. It started at the bridge of her nose, gripped the back of her eyes, and was reaching for the back of her head. “Yeah,” she murmured not looking up from her papers on her desk. Her voice sounded weak and scratchy. How long had it been since she looked up? Her neck felt cramped as she raised her head slowly to look at Harry. She wished she had a glass of water.

“Kitten...y’don’t look so good,” he said quietly.

“M’okay...M’jus not feeling so well,” she shrugged. “But I have to get this done,” she told him. “I think I skipped lunch,” if she could fathom the idea of using any part of her brain for something other than this case, she would have noted how Harry so sweetly called her kitten.

He sighed, almost annoyed and she briefly wondered what she did wrong now. He disappeared for a moment. Within an instant he came back with water, pills, and a protein bar. “I’ll get some Chinese for you too.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled glancing briefly at how pretty he looked in his suit and how kind it was of him to bring her medicine. “I’ll Venmo—”

“Shh,” he said and turned off the overhead light of her office as he left. Leaving her in darkness except for the desk lamp to her left. “Try a nap on the couch,” he said. “I’ll wake you when the food is here.”

*

“Kitten,” he said softly. He gently shook her, and she tried to remember if Harry had ever touched her in their entire lives. The smell of greasy, salty food woke her up the rest of the way. Harry seemed to know her Chinese food order. She searched her memories if they ever ordered Chinese together and how he remembered.

“How’d you know what to get?” She asked stupidly. She could blame the headache or the lack of sleep if he said something mean about it.

He didn’t. “Your friends ordered at a party junior year,” he shrugged. “Remembered what you liked.”

“Oh.” He waited until she was upright and eating—staring at her like one of their science experiments from school. “Do you want some—”

“No, just making sure you actually eat.”

She felt her face warm, and she shook her head. “Uh. Thanks, that’s not necessary.”

“Well clearly it is if y’forget t’eat lunch and make yourself sick.” Again, her face heated up, but she said nothing because he was right. “What are you working on, anyway?” He asked. “That you’re skipping lunch and everything.”

“Uh...I just want to make a good impression and make sure I’m doing everything I can.”

“I’ve never known you to not give a hundred and twenty percent, love. If anyone has a question about your qualifications, you can send them to me.”

“How come you get to act like a partner?” She asked. “M’not jealous or anything—I’m just wondering why—”

“Louis always said I was brilliant or whatever,” he said casually with a shrug. He wasn’t bragging. He was just stating a fact. It was true too. Harry was brilliant. “I always told him it was because I worked with you, but he didn’t believe me. So, when he saw m’name as a reference on your application, I told him he would understand it was your brilliance that helped me be so successful and if he didn’t hire you, it would be a terrible mistake in his career because you would go be perfect and wonderful somewhere else. He’s seen your work, trust me, kitten. He knows how hard you’re working and you’re making an unbelievable impression. You don’t need to skip lunch t’prove your worth.”

This by far was the kindest thing Harry ever said of her—maybe anyone had ever said of her. She was speechless. Maybe it was the sleep still on her brain. Or the pain in her head that caused Harry to turn off the lights, so it was dark and quiet in her office. Or maybe it was because Harry finally said something sweet about her. But she finally worked up the courage to ask a question that had bothered her for their entire lives. “How come you don’t like me?” Her voice was so quiet it pained Harry.

He shook his head. “I like you,” he said with an eye roll. She wondered if it was no longer hard for him to lie like that. Countless people must have asked him over the years. Certainly, by now he perfected the tone and emotion needed to get people off the subject.

“Not really,” she said with sigh. When they were younger it definitely upset her more that Harry disliked her so much. When people asked she would feel a sting come behind her eyes because it would have made all the sense in the world for Harry to be her best friend. Now, it was just a matter of fact. NaCl was salt, flowers bloomed in spring, and Harry didn’t like her. “It’s fine...” but her voice cracked just a hair like it used to when she was asked about why Harry didn’t like her at all. “I just...I don’t know. We would have been really good friends if you did...that’s all,” she gave a small shrug eating another bite of her food.

“You want to be friends?” He questioned, surprised. Even though he was a dick to her she wanted to be friends. She seemed to be a glutton for punishment.

“Well,” she cleared her throat pushing her orange chicken through her fried rice as a distraction. “I guess we’re kind of old to be asking that,” she said quietly. “We just spent a lot of time together growing up. I think it would have made sense,” she explained. It felt like she was arguing another case, it was far more awkward though and while she would have liked to win, she didn’t know if it was worth it. “It’s fine...you don’t have to be my friend. Thank you for the food.”

“Kitten, I,” he sighed and ran his hand over his face pinching his lower lip between his fingers. She could tell from the tone in his voice he was exasperated by her. She should have just eaten faster and let him leave without the third degree. “We can be friends.”

She blinked at her food and then turned to look at him. “We can?”

He tilted his head at her and rolled his eyes. “Would it make you happy?” He asked.

She was lucky her brain wasn’t fully functioning due to the lack of food. That was a weird question for him to ask. Harry never once cared if she was happy or not the entire time that she knew him. “Yes.”

“Then we can be friends.”

*

Despite their newly found friendship, she tried not to overwhelm Harry. They made small talk when they ran into each other at the office. About once a week Harry would text her asking if she would like to carpool to work and she politely declined because again, she didn’t want to bother him.

“Hey, I’m going to meet a client at Starbucks, do you want any coffee when I get—oh,” she said softly. For the entire time she’d known Harry, she had never seen one hair out of place. Not one shirt collar unpressed. A shoelace never untied.

Right now, Harry’s hair was clearly the result of running his hand through it several times over, his eyes rimmed red, and his papers on his desk distributed haphazardly on the floor. “Go away,” he grumbled looking at the ground.

“Harry, are you alright?” She asked quickly closing the door behind her.

“Fine,” he spit. “Just leave.”

“Uh, no,” she swallowed the nervousness down. She thought about how nice he was when she wasn’t feeling well. She wanted to return the favor if she could. Whatever his outburst was about, she wanted to help. “You don’t look okay. What’s wrong? Can I help—”

“No,” he said firmly.

“Harry, seriously.”

“M’mum was in a car accident, Gem called,” he snapped. He had his head hung low as he pressed his hands to the back of his head. “I have a disposition in an hour and Mum’s in surgery. Okay. Are you happy?”

She blinked. No, she wasn’t happy. But she knew why he snapped. That answered her question about what his relationship with his mom was like. “Harry, I’m so sorry.”

“Whatever,” he sniffed.

“Harry...you...you should go to the hospital.”

God she was infuriating; this friendship thing was a stupid idea. She was too nice and sweet. “Did you not—”

“Harry, it’s your mom,” she reminded him. He looked up at her, again the startling contrast of his usual put together self and this...broken man made her weak. She wanted to pluck every piece of pain from his body and put it somewhere that would never find him again.

“I know!” he nearly shouted. “I can’t leave though,” he said softer than his shout. It was agonizing, she knew it was breaking him.

“I can do your disposition Harry. You have to go to the hospital.”

“You don’t know the case.”

“Give me the highlights.”

He looked up finally, right in her eyes and stared at her. “You would really do this?” He asked. She nodded. “What about your client?”

“I’ll reschedule. This is more important.”

“I can’t lose this one.”

“I’ll do my level best,” she promised. “Trust me.” He did. Implicitly. All the school projects, every presentation, any time Harry forgot something he knew she wouldn’t. She was always there to make everything they did better. “Just go and don’t worry about this.”

Harry sucked his lip into his mouth as she put the phone to her ear and quickly told the other end of the line she had to reschedule because of a family emergency—but she left out that it wasn’t her family. They could do dinner this evening if she’d like on short notice or coffee tomorrow. It was done with ease and grace. The client at the other end didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. “I don’t think I can do this,” Harry admitted; he wasn’t sure he would tell anyone else that except the girl he had known for his whole life. In Harry’s eyes, no one knew him better—even if she didn’t know it. “This client is very particular, and he’s mean and—”

“I can handle mean,” she said firmly. Harry wasn’t in the headspace to realize she could handle mean because of him. “Harry, you’re going to the hospital. You won’t do a good job if your mind is on your mom and you’re worrying the whole time. Then you’ll be worried you’re ruining the disposition so just let me help.”

He nodded solemnly. She was right, of course. She waited for him to make his decision. His knee bouncing the whole time as she picked the papers off his floor, and she organized them into neat little piles on his desk. “Okay.”

“Okay,” she said and pulled her phone from her purse. “Hit me,” she said holding the phone out to him ready to record.

*

Harry arrived at the hospital. Gemma was in tears but in such shock as she gazed at her arriving brother. “Are you really here?” She asked hugging him tight. He nodded, squeezing her hard.

“How’s Mum?” He asked ignoring her obvious question that he would never willingly leave work—especially if he had an important meeting.

“She’s okay,” she said, eyes red and teary. She nodded firmly. “It was really scary because they wouldn’t say until I got here. Surgery is needed but not life or death,” she explained. “She’ll be ready to see us in a few moments.”

Harry sighed with relief and sat in the waiting room chair. “Christ,” he muttered.

“I thought you had a disposition?” Harry quickly explained the situation and that the sweet girl was taking care of it. “You work with her?” Gemma asked. Harry nodded.

“Yeah, why?”

She shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re...paired again. It’s just fate, y’know?” She mumbled. “S’nice you have her to look after you. To have someone you know and trust nearby,” she told her younger brother. “I love her,” she said with a shrug. “Even if you don’t.”

Harry ignored her. He was focused on his mom. He was relieved she was okay. But he wanted to see her.

His phone vibrated with a text from her. She promised an update as soon as the disposition was finished.

All done. Went well. I left notes on your desk. Let me know if you need anything. Wish your mom and Gem well. Don’t worry about anything else here.

Thank you, kitten.

:)

“Kitten, hmm?”

“Yeah.”

Harry locked his phone. When they went to the room where his mother lay looking banged up but alive, he nearly cried. “Hi Mum,” he sniffed.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” she smirked easily. Nearly unaffected by the wires and tubes. “How’d you get out of work?” Gemma was delighted to tell the tale of the sweet girl. “Oh, I love her,” Anne grinned tiredly. “Why didn’t you ever bring her home, Harry?” She wondered. Harry started to answer but the arrival of a get-well basket on behalf of that sweet girl made its way through the threshold halting all of Harry’s thoughts of an excuse.

Because he really didn’t know why he never brought her home.

*

At the company party Harry eyed her from across the way. They were definitely friendlier, but Harry was hedging his bets. First and foremost, he was still hesitant to be in love with her. She was perfect and if he thought for two seconds longer, he would realize his stupid idea that he shouldn’t be in love with someone he’s known his whole life wasn’t his issue. Perhaps his issue was that she was perfect, and Harry was not. It seemed cruel for fate to tempt him like that. But maybe there was a reason she was so heavily involved in every aspect of his life.

Harry also wasn’t blind to the implications of dating a coworker.

But most importantly to him, she was so good at everything he couldn’t imagine being a subpar boyfriend when she deserved the very best. Harry didn’t even know how to be a boyfriend. Because of all the schoolwork he focused on he rarely dated anyone longer than a few dates or the occasional hookup.

And he had seen her in action as a girlfriend. Their junior year of university she dated a guy that she obviously adored for nearly a year and a half. She was naturally perfect. Went to every basketball game he was in, brought him soup when he wasn’t feeling well, and looked over his work for him before he turned it in. He was exactly what Harry imagined her boyfriend would be like. Attractive, hardworking, and very sweet to her. They met at the gym while she was studying for her ethics class on the treadmill (he only knew this because he told the story at a party, they both attended and Harry was intently listening).

The only problem Harry had with him—besides the fact he was dating the girl he spent so much time with—was he was not ambitious, and he never planned any of their dates. Harry hated him. She deserved flowers and coffee dates. Ice skating and movies. Once while she was on the phone with her sister when Harry was arriving at one of their study sessions, he knew she wanted a carriage ride around the park at Christmas. It wasn’t hard to figure out, so he was glad when he found out she broke up with him. Even if Harry didn’t like her, he knew she deserved more than that.

“Harry!” It was the client he had to skip out on for his mum the other day. “How’s your mum?” He asked.

“She’s fine, thank you. I’m sorry for the short notice of me not being there,” he said seriously.

“I was mad as hell when she told me you left. I think I screamed at her,” he admitted. Harry didn’t like that at all. The way his blood boiled at the idea of anyone yelling at her made him want to punch his client. Harry never thought himself a violent person, but here he was angry on behalf of a girl he only barely liked. It made him even madder that she didn’t mention anything at all about getting yelled at either. “But she was incredible! You can leave me with her anytime—she was brilliant and poised. I don’t think anyone suspected anything she had to say.”

“Yes, she’s very good,” Harry murmured around a sip of his drink. He was right, too. No one ever suspected the sweet girl to know anything. She was all eyes and beauty. She was softspoken, but her words carried weight. It would be entirely unfair for her to be exceedingly intelligent too. But she was. Harry hated the way people underestimated her, especially when they were paired together. It was like they thought he was only paired with her because she was pretty.

“She’s easy on the eyes too,” he winked at Harry. Harry gripped his drink tighter as he envisioned shattering the glass over top of his head.

“Ha, yeah.”

“Well thank you. I’m glad your mum is okay. I’ll keep you posted about the next meetings,” he said.

Harry nodded. “Have a drink on my tab, please,” he said gratefully.

Harry was suddenly at her side. “You didn’t tell me he yelled at you,” he said interrupting whatever conversation she was in currently.

“Uh, sorry,” she said softly clearing her throat to the gathering that eyed Harry like they’d never seen a man before. It was clear the interruption didn’t bother them solely because Harry was the one interrupting and it gave them an excuse to ogle him up close. She was lucky she spent so much time with him growing up. She could ogle at her own leisure. “Excuse me,” she grabbed Harry by the forearm, and he swore it felt like fire where she touched him. He wracked his brain for a memory if she ever touched him before this moment. “Come again?”

“My client. He told me he yelled at you. You didn’t tell me that.”

“Uh...you were kind of busy Harry. I’m used to getting yelled at, it wasn’t a big deal to—”

“Who yells at you?” He asked quickly. “Why would they yell at you?” Harry felt his blood boiling and he didn’t really know why. He wanted to put her in his office and monitor every interaction she had with anyone else in the world. She should never be yelled at—he would be sure of it going forward.

“Well clients mostly, my sister, you, this woman yelled at me one time at the grocery store—”

“I’ve never yelled at you.”

“Yes, you have,” she shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. We work in a business of yelling, Harry.”

He wanted to throw his glass across the room now. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“Seriously?” She asked.

“Seriously, what?”

“It’s really okay, Harry. I’ve been yelled at before.”

“But you shouldn’t be,” he was exasperated again. It was a quick switch to get to this breaking point of her complete non-understanding of why he was mad. But she didn’t really know why he was mad, and it was unfair of Harry to be so agitated by her when he didn’t even know why he was mad.

“Harry,” she said gently and put a hand on his forearm and gave him a squeeze. She gazed at him with those beautiful, lovely eyes and Harry could feel himself melting at the sweet expression on her face. “It’s okay,” she promised. He tore his arm from her and stalked off angrily sipping his drink before he did something like tell her she loved him.

So much for friends. She thought to herself.

*

Harry never really avoided her at firm parties. But he seemed like he was at this one. She hadn’t seen him in a while, and it oddly made her uncomfortable to not knowing where he was. She supposed since she had been with him for nearly 20 years of her life, when he wasn’t around, she knew. It didn’t make the party any less fun nor did it deter her from chatting with potential and current clients.

“Hello there,” a man said while she waited for her drink at the bar. She could tell he had too much to drink. It was another member of their team. Someone she saw on a very rare occasion. His client load was substantial and kept him busy and away from the office most days.

“Hi,” she said politely. He was a tall man. And with the alcohol coursing his bloodstream he knew very little of personal space.

“You’re very pretty,” he slurred. Her face felt hot at his assessment, and she wished she wasn’t by herself.

“Thank you,” she said gently and walked toward a group of the women she was chatting with before she headed to the bar to get another drink.

“I’ve seen you around,” he said following her another step. “You’re very smart.”

“Try to be—I have to get back to my friends,” she said gesturing to the women nearby. He frowned but she could feel his gaze on her back as she hurried back over. Fortunately, he was gone when she glanced back.

*

At the end of the party, she told her friends she was going to use the restroom before she left and not to worry. She would see them on Monday. What she hadn’t accounted for was the stupid drunk man to be in the darkly lit hallway leading to the bathrooms when she exited. “Hello, again.”

Shit.

“Hi,” she said gently. She sounded a lot braver than she was. There was no one in sight at all.

“I wanted to tell you how pretty you were earlier.”

“You did.”

“Well, I wanted to tell you again.”

“Thank you,” she said and stepped forward to brush past him. He grabbed her arm. She felt her fight or flight kick in and she desperately wanted to fly. “Excuse me, I’m leaving. I’m expected home soon—”

“Can’t you come home with me?” He asked with a sick smirk on his face.

She shook her head. “Let go of me,” she said firmly.

“Come on, I can make it worth your while,” he pulled her arm hard making the space between them almost disappear. She didn’t like how small she felt. She hated that about her job. She was constantly made to feel small because she was a woman. His height didn’t help. Neither did the alcohol.

But right now, it was a hundred times worse, and it made her stomach churn. She wanted to throw up and for a moment she thought maybe that would help her escape. “No thank you,” she said pulling harder on her arm that would surely have a bruise when she looked later.

“Well how about right here?” His smile was evil and vile. She really wanted to throw up now. Why didn’t she just go home with her friends?

With as much force as she could muster, she stomped on his inner foot, and he gasped and released her arm in shock. “Fuck!” He shouted. She hurried down the hall, tears filling her vision but somehow, he was right behind her, grabbing her arm again and pushing her against the wall causing her to yelp. “You’re going to regret that,” he snarled in her ear.

Before she had time to cry or vomit (or both) his presence was gone, and she fell to the floor at the lack of pressure against her body. She scrambled to her feet and turned to see Harry towering over the man he had clearly thrown to the ground. The panic flooding her body subsided immensely. Her heart rate was still elevated on behalf of Harry but seeing him made her feel so much safer.

 “She said no,” Harry said with so much anger in his voice she was terrified. He dared one glance back at her to see her back on her feet. His eyes were furious. She had seen him argue in mock trials and even been to some of his real court dates. Harry may have disliked her for a long part of their lives, but she had never seen hatred like this.

She would have hated to be the man on the receiving end of his look. “She’s a taunting little bitch. I’ve heard the way you talk about her,” he snapped at Harry. “Leave us alone.”

“I’ve known her my whole life. She knows I don’t talk about her,” Harry said knowingly. His voice was so deep, and the intensity of his words left her woozy; she couldn’t imagine someone protecting her—least of all Harry. And his words were true of course. As much as he disliked her, no one ever had a bad thing to say about her at the hands of Harry. “I will not be leaving her alone.”

She nearly sighed with relief at his statement. He turned quickly, grabbed her hand, and pushed her in front of him as he guided them out of the hallway and out of the restaurant. There were people milling about, but it was late, and it wasn’t crowded by any means. If Harry wasn’t there, she doesn’t want to think about what would have happened. He ushered them a few paces away from the restaurant up the sidewalk.

“Are you alright?” He asked suddenly, he turned her to face him as they stood under the streetlight outside. She was shaking like she was cold, and Harry wanted to reach out and warm her. The last five minutes were catching up to her violently. “Kitten?” He almost snapped, desperate for some indication that she was okay. “Are you okay?”

She nodded then shook her head. “I-I’m fine,” she said and sniffled wiping her sleeve across her nose. “I just want to go home,” she said with an awkward laugh and then the tears started to blur her vision.

“Kitten, I’m not going to leave you alone until I see you lock your door and you’re home safely. So it’s okay to not be okay, just tell me,” again, he sounded exasperated with her.

“Yeah, no I’m okay...” she whimpered biting her lip trying to erase the thoughts from her head of the last few moments. Harry was there and she was okay. “No...no...” she shook her head as the tears steadily fell. She gasped out a strangled cry and Harry pulled her to him immediately. She was overwhelmed by a lot of things but also that he felt so safe and sturdy as he held her. His arms around her protectively, he cupped his hand on the back of her head and one arm around her waist. The sobs left her freely then.

“S’okay,” he said so gently it hurt more than anything that happened to her. Harry being so nice to her nearly wounded her. The safety of his embrace left her breathless. His thumb rubbing over her hair made her weak. “You’re safe, kitten,” he promised. “I got you.”

*

Harry held her hand the entire cab ride home. She sniffled and each time she did, Harry squeezed her hand reassuringly. The cab stopped outside her apartment building, and she reached for her purse for money. “Stop,” Harry said putting her hand to her side and paying the driver. Harry followed behind her while they made it up the stairs to her second-floor place. Every so often she glanced back to see if Harry was still there. “M’not going anywhere, kitten,” he promised.

She nodded, unlocked her door and pushed inside. “Can I get—”

“Just go sit down, love,” he shook his head at her. “I’ll be right in,” he said making his way for the kitchen. His voice was gentle. Like when she wasn’t feeling well, and he made her nap and eat.

She followed his direction. She felt a little out of place in her own apartment and she twiddled her fingers together as she waited in silence for Harry to come to her living room. He was there shortly, a glass of water for her. She reached out for it, but Harry noticed how her hand was still shaking. “Here,” he said bringing the cup to her lips. He gently cradled the back of her head with his other hand. She felt like a child as Harry helped her drink, but he didn’t pay any mind to the situation at all—he just didn’t want her to spill and make a mess that she would have to worry about right now. “Can I get you anything else?” He wondered. His voice was so deep and gentle in comparison to the hatred he spewed before in every word he spoke.

She shook her head, more tears filling her eyes. “Thank you,” she said gratefully.

He shook his head back at her. “Don’t,” he sighed. “I would never let anything happen to you, kitten,” he promised. Her heart fluttered, despite everything. It was by far one of the sweetest things Harry ever said to her. “I’m glad you’re home safe now. I can leave if you want—"

She was quick to protest. Too quick. “No! Please don’t,” the words rushed out of her mouth before she could stop them. She turned to look at the empty dark apartment as a distraction from her cheeks turning into two red tomatoes. She cleared her throat regaining her composure as she looked back at Harry. She was lucky the tears filled her vision again at the frustration and sadness of her evening overwhelming her again.

“I won’t go until you want me to, kitten,” Harry answered pressing his hand to her face. He brushed his thumb gently over her cheek bone and caught the stray tear that spilled over. His voice was so quiet and soft. It was so different than every interaction he ever had with her.

“Really?” She whispered breathlessly.

“No, baby,” he promised. “I won’t.”

She didn’t think and wrapped herself up in his embrace. It worked so naturally of course. His arms wrapped around her, and he tugged her carefully, so he was snuggled into the corner of her sofa with her cuddled into him. She sighed with relief as tears flowed onto his shirt and coat. She sniveled miserably. “I’ll have to get this dry cleaned for you,” she managed to mumble between her tears.

“Would you please just shut up?” The exasperation was thick in his tone. It kind of made her smile.

“Okay,” she whispered sniveling still.

After a few moments her cries subsided, and Harry let his fingers dance up and down her arm as he held her close to him. He tried not to think about how perfectly she fit in the empty spaces of his body. “Harry?” She asked quietly.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you,” she said again.

He sighed, a bit irritated that she was thanking him for being a decent human being and protecting her. But he knew she was uncomfortable and upset. “You’re welcome, kitten,” he said softly. “Go to sleep.”

*

“I can’t do that, Harry. His client base is too substantial.”

“Let him leave with them, then,” Harry snapped. He was pacing Louis’ office. Adamant something be done.

“Harry, stop,” Louis rubbed his hand over his face. “We can get her a restraining order if she wants, and we can put him on a different floor so he never—”

“You need to fire him,” Harry said. “Or she and I will take all our clients and leave instead,” he promised.

He stared at his friend. “Harry.”

“Louis, you fire him, or you’ll have to represent me when I kill him.”

There was a knock outside Louis’ door before the pretty girl entered, making the anger in Harry’s heart dissipate immensely. “Oh, hi Harry,” she murmured and looked at her feet nervously. “You wanted to see me, Mr. Tomlinson?” She asked softly.

Harry gazed at her so adoringly, he couldn’t stop himself. His blood was on fire the moment he saw her struggling. He never thought about murdering someone seriously in his whole life. Yet there he was—ready to kill someone on behalf of the sweet girl. “Call me Louis, love. Please.”

She nodded. “Louis, then. Am...I in trouble?” She asked curiously.

Harry sighed in exasperation and ran his hand over his face in disbelief. She stared at Harry curiously as he made his assessment. “You’re an idiot,” he said to her.

She looked at her feet, feeling her face warm at his insult. “Harold,” Louis snapped. “No love, you’re not in trouble. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Oh.”

There was a bit of silence. “Well, are you alright?” He repeated. Harry wanted to shake her a bit. She was beyond infuriatingly annoying sometimes.

“I’m okay,” she said softly. “Uh...Harry protected me.”

“Yes, he’s decent every once in a while.”

She smirked. “He is.”

“Can I do anything for you to ensure you feel safe while you’re working?”

“Oh, um...no—”

“You can fire him,” Harry repeated.

“Harry, that’s not necessary,” she shook her head, her face feeling flushed.

His right eye twitched and he looked out Louis’ window; stuffed his hands in his pockets as he muttered to himself. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re not safe while you’re here,” Louis said knowingly.

Harry wasn’t watching her, but she looked right at him as she answered Louis. “I feel safe,” she said softly.

Louis smirked and shook his head at Harry who still wasn’t paying any attention. Talk about an idiot in this scenario. “I’m very sorry that happened to you. He will be reprimanded beyond belief, you have my word. We’ll be moving his office to a different floor as well,” he promised.

“Louis, you weren’t there,” Harry reminded him. “You didn’t watch her cry while she fell asleep—”

“Harry!” She gasped at the admission and her face felt warm. That was not something she wanted her boss to know. It painted the wrong picture—even if she slept so well in the comfort of Harry’s arms. Louis didn’t pay any attention to their night spent together, though. He was keeping his eyes on Harry.

“I wanted to kill him,” Harry repeated. She gulped at the idea of Harry doing something so violent for her. Something that would get him thrown in jail for a long while.

“I understand that,” Louis said simply. “Love, I’m very sorry,” he returned his attention to the poor girl who looked wildly uncomfortable. “If there is something I can do for you, don’t hesitate to ask. I know you have Harry in the office next to you, but if he’s not around, I’d be happy to assist you with anything,” he said kindly.

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” she said courteously.

“Harold,” Louis said narrowing his eyes at him.

“Whatever,” he grumbled and stalked out of the office.

“I’m...sorry about him,” she said nervously.

“Don’t worry love, I’ve known Harry for a long while. He means well. He’s just thick headed sometimes,” he shrugged. “I’m serious though, if you need something or want something, let me know.”

“I will, thank you.”

Shaking her head, she exited his office and headed back to her own. She grabbed a cup of coffee from the breakroom as she passed it and tried to think about the to-do list she had for the day. Mentally, she added a dry-cleaner stop for Harry’s suit she cried all over as well. It wasn’t much, but it was the least she could do as a thank you for all he did. As she paced the last few steps toward her office, she tried to convince herself the last few moments in Louis’ office were real. Harry was angry at Louis (and maybe her, what else was new?) for something beyond his control. She wondered why he was so adamant but found it sweet in Harry’s own way.

She closed her office door behind her and tilted her head at Harry sitting on the couch. As she entered, he stood up and gazed at her without speaking. It looked like he was looking through her. She bit the inside of her lip as she held the coffee with both of her hands to keep her tingling fingers warm at the idea that Harry was waiting for her. “Can I help you?” She asked.

“I’m going to be a shitty boyfriend.”

She blinked in complete confusion. It was by far the last thing she ever expected Harry to say. “I’m sorry?”

“I get all wrapped up in m’own stuff and I forget dates even though they’re in m’calendar and reminders and everything. It’ll infuriate you. I’ll make up for it with grand sweeping gestures that will maybe make it better, but they might just make y’madder that I can’t remember the little things.”

“Harry, what—”

“M’so in love with you and I’ve been ignoring it since we were kids. The six months I worked here without you were the longest months ’ve gone without seeing you and I didn’t even want t’see you, but I don’t want to go that long without seeing you ever again. I barely want t’go an hour without seeing you and even when I do I think about you the whole time,” he started to pace across her office back and forth as if was retracing his steps to remember all the things he was saying. Like they were written on the carpet.

“Can you just—”

“I’ll be better than that tool y’dated in third year,” she wondered where that came from because she didn’t even know he knew she was dating someone. “I’ll give you everything y’want or need whenever you ask. I’ll plan dates, I’ll take y’anywhere you want t’go, I’ll walk on hot coals for you, if you ask. I love you so goddamn much, love. I want to murder someone for you, and I wouldn’t bat an eyelash; ’ve never felt this way ‘bout anyone before. You’re infuriatingly sweet and y’never know when t’shut up or what’s good for you. It’s probably going t’get y’killed one day and I don’t know how someone s’sweet could be a corporate lawyer. You’re unbelievably challenging in so many ways and y’always remind me that I don’t know everything even though I think I do. Mum and Gemma want me t’bring you t'Sunday dinners.”

She shook her head trying to process all of this it didn’t help that he was jumping from topic to topic. Harry had given speeches in college before. She listened to many of his own closing arguments and of course read countless persuasive essays. This wasn’t anything like any of that. This was wild and out of sorts. She wondered what was flowing in his head and why it was spewing out like this, why it was happening now. “Harry, what are you—”

“You asked me t’be friends because you thought we’d be good friends since we spent all that time together. Quite frankly you’re m’best friend. Even though I was miserable towards you all the time. I don’t know why I did that t’you and s’jus’ another reason you should tell me t’take a hike. No one knows me as well as you do. Sleeping with you on your couch made m’neck so sore I can’t turn it to the left, but it was the best sleep of m’life and I want t’do it over and over again if I can hold you.”

That made her face flood with heat so quickly she was sure she looked bright red. “Harry, honestly, I’m—”

“I will never hurt you and I will never let anyone hurt you while m’around.” This time she didn’t interrupt him she could feel her face soften at his words and she felt like she was going to cry if he talked any longer. “I don’t think I know anyone half s’beautiful as you, kitten, inside or out,” he said softly. Everything else he said felt like a sprint. A rush of words he had been dying to get out for who knows how long. “Please, be my girlfriend,” he said finally, slowly at last.

They stared at each other silently for several moments.

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Thank you.”

[blurredfloweryblood]

GUYS, GUYS, I swear I'm so normal about Daisuke being misunderstood! I swear I'm not foaming at the mouth when people cannot actually process him making mistakes and still being a victim!!! IM SO NORMAL YOU GUYS! I swear I don't grind my teeth when people have to adjust Daisuke to the "perfect victim" syndrome because "he is such a baby :("

But seriously. Ugh. My god. He is not a baby. He is young, yes. And I truly understand him. It's impossible not to. He's good, right? He's good. But in the world they live in, good is not enough. He is a victim of the deluded work culture that his parents try to force him in. He wants to dream, and live his youth, and play games and draw and play baseball. But he also wants to make his family proud. And if the only way of doing that is getting a internship he doesn't want, well, he will. He doesn't really know what to do with his life, and he feels himself drifting away. When people your age have all these accomplishments and degrees and jobs, and you just, don't even know what you want to do, because there are a lot of things you like, but none of them are encouraged by people around you. They just smile tightly and pat your shoulder and say: "You are so good!" "Such a good kid!" Because they have nothing to say about you. Nothing more. You're good, and you're not exceptional or amazing, or talented, or smart. Just fucking good. And ironically, in the internship, nobody cares if you're good. Or if you are a kid that is still feeling new grounds alone. There is no patience, and time is slipping away. And you have no job, and you're such a kid; and your mom doesn't look at you the same, and you know what she's thinking. And you just want them to say that they love you still. But I guess you have to make them miss you, first.

So when your mother's eyes sparkle at you accepting the internship, well, you take it. You smile and say "thanks!" And you will do your best. You never really liked climbing, maybe because you're afraid of heights. What if you fall and then you can never get up again? But she's just, tapping her fingers and serving you food twice and she looks so happy and you hate it. Because she doesn't like you. She loves you, but the person you are, she didn't like.

The internship is... fine. They put you last minute in the Tulpar, and you just really want them to like you, so they put good opinions and you can come back. So you can say that it worked out and not return a failure, and never have to look at the disappointed and missing look your mom gives you, again. And you try your best. You're still kind of bad at engineering, but you can learn! Swansea kind of doesn't like you, but he's fine! You make mistakes and you're clumsy, and everyone looks at you like a kid who brings someone a mud pie and they're kind of disgusted but smile anyways, and it's fine! You can totally work with that! Please let it work out, you think to yourself when you're in bed. Please just let me work this out. Please. Please. Please.

The Captain says things that you don't understand, and Anya tries to explain her psych questions, because you just don't fucking get them. But she's patient and hears you out, and listens and writes. And you bring her drawings, and pins them on her corkboard. And she cares. She's kind of distant but, maybe you're not totally alone.

In Curly's birthday he says something about being promoted, and something about you being terminated. You wish you didn't understand that. But man, you can be smart in the wrong moments. But that's fine! You'll try again. And again. And again.

And, well, I mean, Jimmy is kind of... well, off putting, you guess? But if he's the copilot then he knows what he's doing right? He's capable or an expert of whatever so maybe the sinking feeling in your stomach is just you being silly. Daisuke you're so stupid, you think in your head. They know what they're doing, so just do what they say. If you're good, then you'll be better. And someone will be proud. You won't just be "good" you'll have a job and whatever comes after that, you're not sure.

And then the ship crashes and everything changes... And it's still the same. You're closer to everyone and you're alone. You don't know where to go, or what to do. Nobody tells you what you should do, and you bounce on your toes back and forth, antsy and anxious. You should know what to do, right? You should do something... Anything, you don't know? Nobody told you this would happen! Nobody said shit! Holy shit what are you going to do? Are they going to fire you? Oh no. No. No. No. What are you going to tell to your mom?: "Sorry mom, the ship crashed and we're all fired :( But I promised I did everything right, I'll just get another internship :)" And she'll just, sigh and say: "Sure."

Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure.

And then there's mouthwash. Just. Fucking. Mouthwash. There is nothing. Nothing. What. the. Fuck. You were here, for months to carry stupid, useless, motherfucking mouthwash??? Is this supposed to be a joke? Holy shit, look at me, I spent eight months in a cargo ship that delivers mouthwash! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why couldn't it be, like, tools or, you know, any other thing??

And Jimmy is everywhere. Like, everywhere. Just lurking around. And Swansea doesn't want you near him, and Anya is just, in the medical aid, with this angry and tired look in her eyes. This frown that you don't get. Maybe you never knew them at all. And they don't know you. Is this what it is all about? You are all just... Never going to understand each other? Live together for eight months and change cargo ships and do it, over and over and over again?

And you try to be cheerful, you really do! Someone's gonna have to, right? But you're just... so tired. And you want to cry, and tear out your hair and scream and throw yourself off the ship. And you think, mom, mom, mom. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You did nothing. You are nothing. Look at you! Good kid! Good little lap dog Daisuke! Good little failure Daisuke! Couldn't even finish a job on mouthwash!

Was this meant to be? Where you born to be... Nothing? Did you do something bad? Was it your grades, or the time you broke a vase, or never getting further than junior baseball? Was it the time you ate all the cookies and you got sick? Oh my god? What if it is meant to be? What if this is it?

And, well. You listen to Jimmy because he's supposed to know what he's doing, right? Anya is trapped and you don't understand what she says, but you can't lose her. You can't. She made you happy, in the time where you talked to her. And you don't want to be alone. Please don't leave. Please stop.

And Jimmy tells you to climb the vent. And you know about the vent. Swansea talked about it all the time, and it makes you queasy because he's in the back of your head telling you not to do it. Don't do it Daisuke, you'll hurt yourself, don't be a dumbass. But... Anya locked herself and Jimmy just doesn't stop with telling you all these things. That it will do you good, and Swansea will be proud, and you will stop Anya and she will be back on your side. And you won't be alone, and you finally get to do something. Someone is telling you what you do. It makes you queasy, but your mom and dad always told you that you have to do things you don't like to get far in life, so, this is what they mean right? Just a couple of loose cables. You got this. You do. Finally, you get to be useful.

And you fall. And everything hurts. You feel tired and everything is blurred and you're heaving but you won't cry. Big boys don't cry. Anya will fix you up. She fixes everything. She will know what to do, and then she will unlock the medical bay and Swansea will say that you did very well. Not just good. You did the right thing.

And you look at Anya. And she's fucking dead. And you smell the vomit, and the blood and you want to curl yourself to her side and cry. She's dead. You're doomed. You were too late. Jimmy is shouting and you unlock the medical area and your eyes are wet. You can't help it, you know big boys don't cry but you can't help it. She's gone. And you have nothing else. And then Swansea wakes up and he looks at you with a frown on his face. You really fucked up again, didn't you? You never did anything right. You have always been a fuck up, haven't you? Man, that's so pathetic.

You can barely make out what he says. But he is saying that he wanted you to have a future. To not have to stretch yourself thin for Pony Express. That you had time, and you could've been great. And you want to laugh, but you cry instead: "Hear that, mom? I could've been great! I... I could've been great."

And he lifts the axe, and you're not afraid. You will sleep, and you close your eyes and think when your mom would tell you stories and run her fingers on your hair. Mom, I could've been great. You would've been proud of me. Please don't find me, believe that I did good and I'm out there doing great things. Don't miss me, you'll be fine. Maybe you were better off without me, anyways.

And then, you die. Here lies Daisuke. Good kid. Useless ray of fucking sunshine. Everything he could've been. And nothing he was. Here is to life! And death! And youth and dreams! And to corporate, and their stupid, dumb lies. Vague in space, no one has to know you were a failure. No one will never know. And that's okay. It's not like you mattered anyways.

[dr-spectre]

Talking about Side Order and... Marina. (SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!)

You know, i really enjoyed Side Order, like it wasn't perfect or anything but i had such a blast with it and if they continue to expand on it we could have something REALLY amazing. My reaction to the GOD DAMN TUTORIAL BOSS GOT ME HYPERVENTILATING! IM NOT JOKING! IT WAS SO EXCITING AND SHOCKING!!! THE FINAL BOSS WAS INCREDIBLE TOO! I was singing along to Spectrum Obligato and WHEN THEY BROUGHT IN THE STUFF FROM THE LIVE CONCERT VERSION OF EBB AND FLOW MY JAW DROPPED!!!

However i gotta admit, the story could have been better, what was the deal with the Octoling engineers Marina was talking about? That goes completely nowhere and i thought it was gonna build to something with the repeat playthroughs of the final boss.

And of course, the biggest missed opportunity in my opinion, Marina Agitando.

Now look, i wanna say right off the bat, the design is excellent, it was so smart to bring back her Order outfit and make her into a giant abomination that moves in such a weird way that makes you feel uncomfortable. When i saw her for the very first time when you enter the room, i stood there for at least a solid minute in complete disbelief and shock seeing a giant Marina in some octopus tentacle heart thingy that beats and pumps with the music. The song that plays too "Unconscience" is such a BANGER and honestly it rivals Octo Callie's Bomb Rush Blush remix in my opinion.

The build up for this was pretty good too, seeing Marina say "help me" before she was knocked unconscious and then possessed by Overlorder BROKE ME! I was like "OH NO! ITS HAPPENING AGAIN! NOT MARINA!!" The build up to the 10th floor was so anxiety inducing because you know in the back of your mind that Marina is gonna fight you but you don't know what it's gonna look like, if you were there since Splatoon 2 and have watched Pearl and Marina since the beginning then this build up is even more anxiety inducing and its pretty damn good. And once you free Marina she feels so sorry about what happened and helps you out to put things right, heck she goes through a small character arc of embracing chaos.... but... i have to say...

It is unfortunately not executed that well or with any depth in my opinion because they repeated the whole thing of "oh no a character we know is evil because of (quote on quote) mind control!!!! oh noooo!!" Which is a tired trope in this series that needs to stop or else I'm gonna get REALLYYYYYY pissed off.

I've done enough ranting about Callie's villain arc and how that has been misinterpreted and stuff, but for Marina, i really wish they didn't do the whole "oh no a character is evil because of an evil character oh nooo!! we gotta save them!!" thing again and i wish Marina was more of a villain with a sad motivation for her actions. As much as its cute to see Pearl and Marina act all flirty with each other in Side Order, it kinda ruins the mysterious and dark tone of the story that was teased from the trailers and the tutorial in my opinion. Everything is also explained so quickly early on which really sucks. I really wish Marina was actually conscious throughout her time as Marina Agitando and most of it should have been her fault. She does blame herself for creating Overlorder but it's kinda brushed aside quickly and Marina ends up being totally fine and free of guilt. There isn't enough depth to it which is so lame and a missed opportunity.

Marina is flawed, she makes mistakes and acts emotional and angry sometimes. We have seen a side of Marina where she snaps at Pearl when she loses Splatfests and has shown signs that she still hasn't recovered from her time before she met Pearl.

She picked team Order because she was genuinely scared that her new life would fall apart and she doesn't wanna lose the people (especially Pearl) that she's met and grown to love. Marina is also heavily theorized to be on the autism spectrum and as someone who is autistic, i can see myself in Marina, they could have really explored Marina's psyche and mental health in Side Order but they just... didn't. Instead she's put to sleep and controlled by her ai child and all of the focus is put on stopping it like a traditional "oh no we gotta stop an evil ai!! oh noo!!" story... ugh... I mean Smollusk is cute i guess but there's not a ton to them and they come off as yet another "evil ai that wants order and control!! roarrr!!!"

From reading the most recent interview on Side Order and seeing the concept art, they said that they wanted to tell a story about Marina losing herself to a machine that she created. Could you imagine how tragic it would have been to learn more about Marina and how she's so wrapped up in anxiety that she decides to make this replica of Inkopolis Square and make the Memverse? Maybe at first she makes it to help Sanitized Octolings just like in the dlc, but then maybe due to overwork and burnout (which Pearl mentions in the tutorial by the way), her emotions and anxiety become so strong that she becomes consumed by it, this obsession of order and trying to achieve happiness takes over her and then she gets the idea to spread this order to the real world, where her friends can be "happy" and "safe." Maybe Overlorder is still there but they just whisper to Marina, manipulate and point her in the right direction to continue to her mission of order instead of just fucking knocking her out and using her as a meat puppet for 5 minutes.

Could you imagine how much better the build up would have been to not see Marina until you get to the 30th floor for the first time and you got to unlock her diary entries beforehand? Seeing her thought process and her slow descent into becoming an antagonist. I'm not sure how they would have changed the permanent upgrades but they could have thought of something man. I get that they wanted to subvert expectations but, i think they should have gone WAY further with Marina Agitando.

I was waiting for Pearl and Marina to have their "Tidal Rush" moment where it's this emotional battle between the two, could you imagine how DEVISTATING a remix of Ebb and Flow would have been if it had gotten that "Tidal Rush" type of remix? Pearl singing her parts in this chaotic and emotional way, on the brink of tears trying to get Marina back and calm her down, and Marina trying to fight back against her words, not wanting to believe her because she's so wrapped up trying to make them both happy in her way. She's so caught up in order that she has forgotten what Pearl wants, that Pearl wants to be with her and go against any obstacle that stands in their way together. God i would have cried seeing that I'm not gonna lie. Maybe once Marina starts to think rationally, she breaks free from the machine and then leaps into Pearl's arms, and then we have to go back up the 30 floors to fight Overlorder and we slowly see Marina learn to embrace chaos throughout the floors instead of it just being at the final boss.

I really do feel like Splatoon has this issue of trying to appeal way too hard to kids and being really scared to dive into the flaws of these characters. They are so avoidant of being more serious and they hide it away in optional collectables and obscure posts on social media that creates misinformation and stories that feel way too undeveloped. They just say "oh this character has been brainwashed!!" which is such a lazy and bullshit trope they slap on these characters to avoid getting into their flaws for some stupid reason. (Hell that word has lost all meaning to me now to be honest. Like no, Callie wasn't "brainwashed" per say, hypnosis is not brainwashing or mind control I've said that a trillion times in other blog posts but whatever. Agent 3 was knocked out and had no clue on what was happening. They weren't "brainwashed" they were used as a puppet from a fucking goopy telephone for five minutes while they were asleep. Maybe its poor translation i don't know.)

I know that Splatoon is made for all ages and primarily for children but, i find that to be a stupid excuse for bad storytelling, a good story with depth that's explored and set up properly can be applied to all kinds of age groups not just adults. And the adults that say that shit too, why do you think like that? Why do you wish to dismiss that sort of thing in media? So what if it's made for kids? Adults write these stories and plant themes and arcs into them. Why do you think people cried over the Rosalina storybook in Mario Galaxy and think its the best part of that game? You don't want that kind of stuff in games because "they are made for kids"? Why do you think there are so many adults in the Splatoon community hmm?

I am so worried for Deep Cut in the next game because i really don't want this to happen again, i want an actual proper villain arc for either Frye or Shiver. No hypnosis, no brainwashing, no mind control. Just a pure fucking villain arc caused by the flaws of the characters and without the involvement of a third party. Please, i wanna see growth in these characters that is explored way more clearly and better. Or maybe don't do a villain arc again and just have Deep Cut be fully happy with each other and develop their relationship more with lore and backstory. PLEASE!

Anyways ramble over, thank you for reading!

[rescue-ram]

I really wish there were more "people of protestant descent" in my corner of fandom because I truly cannot describe how insane not-a-Baptist!Hawkeye makes me.

The idea of him being raised Baptist, with the pressure and expectation to have a conversion experience, to watch his friends all either have that experience or cave to the pressure to get baptized anyways, and to maintain his conviction that he doesn't believe, doesn't have faith, and isn't saved... Like ugh defiant rebel Hawkeye is my favorite Hawkeye, give me him peppering his Sunday School teacher with Very Specific Questions!!

Teen Hawkeye demanding to know how his dad can be so smart but believe in the face of so many contradictions. Daniel trying to explain Reformed theology to him, and eventually just telling him there's some things he takes on faith. Hawkeye isn't satisfied by that and Daniel just shrugs, faith is a gift that Hawkeye hasn't been given yet, but God works all things for his glory including Hawkeye's defiance, it'll come in time. Hawkeye being absolutely apoplectic by the idea he can just be puppeteered from the great beyond and acting out just to prove this isn't God's will but his, until he eventually mellows and has fun and doesn't care 90% of the time. Maybe a little lingering wonder when things like up just right, or marvelling at the human body's ability to heal in med school, just enough to keep him Questioning, maybe just a tiny bit hoping his dad was right, but never actually getting convicted.

[megaderping]

Nothing drives me up the wall more in the Persona 5 fandom than when people act like they'd be so much better than Akechi in his position. "Well, I would know better!" Bullshit. You don't know that. Japan's treatment of illegitimate children is so heinous that I don't think it's easy for westerners to comprehend. As I understand it, when you turn 15, you're thrown out of the system. Akechi was... how old when he approached Shido? Ah, yes, 15. Likely, he'd been cast out to fend for himself when Yaldabaoth gave him the power (with very malevolent intentions). Shido has his cleaner and his connections. Even if Akechi quit, he wouldn't be safe in the real world. Maybe in the Metaverse, but how long could he even feasibly stay there before needing to eat and sleep? There are safe areas, sure, but those are hardly accommodating, and people severely understate the impact Shido could've had on his mental health once he did join with him. Look at Yusuke and Haru, both of whom were abused and neglected by their parental figures. Both of whom had difficulty even acknowledging what was wrong. Haru continued to downplay her father's crimes and atrocities as well as his abuse of her, likely in part due to her grief and in part due to her wishes for what he could've been. Trauma and mental illness as well as a lack of support systems can break people and push them to make reckless choices because they believe there is nothing else they are good for. The Phantom Thieves were lucky enough to have each other, and that saved them from going down a dark path. Any one of them could have and, hell, if Yaldabaoth had chosen Yusuke or Haru, for instance, there's no way Madarame and Okumura wouldn't have taken advantage of that power and made them do heinous things. Just... god. I really hate the armchair "well, I'm smart enough to know better and I would take homelessness over ~murder~." It's easy to say that when you haven't suffered years of neglect and presumably abuse in a society that sees you as less than human due to circumstances outside your control (e.g. being an illegitimate child whose mother did sex work) in a country that is opposed to adoption overall and just... Argh. And this all started because I tried to point out that, hey, maybe calling Shuake toxic in a server for a fic that is one of the big Akechi and Shuake fics isn't the kindest thing, tried to explain things, and it just blew up. While also pushing for why their preferred ship is better and like... god. I hate that so much. ._. Fastest way to turn me off of a ship is when really hostile fans use their preferred pairing to tear down one that I really like. Just... blargh. What a way to start the day.

[onestepbackwards]

something i came up for the self aware!pla au. so, you know how the game shows us the ancestors of current day pokemon characters (kamado > rowan and all that)? so, what if the characters ingame knew about that, and went to you to figure out just who and what their descendant will be like. decided to drop a few dribbles for that:

cyllene:

cyllene was the first person to ask you about what will become of her legacy, and who will be the next person to carry the torch. the whole idea that someone will be there after her fascinates her, but unfortunately for you and her.. you played pokemon platinum before. you know you gotta tell her. after a long explanation about who cyrus is, his motivation and what will he do to sinnoh scares her, to say the least. truly, how one like HIM gets to carry the family name is a disgrace, but.. she feels sorry for him, in a way. judging by the way he grew up, it's no wonder he turned out the way he did. maybe cyllene won't be able to do much now, but she will try her hardest to prevent that mistake from happening again.

kamado:

while you always had a bone to pick with the guy, you were quite surprised to see him ask you about just WHO his future great-great-great-great-great grandson is gonna be. will he stay honorable? will he learn from kamado's mistakes and stay off the path he carved to himself? maybe. surprisingly enough, he was more than delighted to hear that his grandson was gonna be a pokemon professor. beats being a war monger, at least.. and who knows, maybe he'll even be like laventon! wouldn't hurt to have a brilliant mind in the bloodline.

volo & cogita:

another curious pair who heard about the ancestry thing. with both of them already recognizing you for your "true, godly powers", they figured out you could give them the answers. you ARE all-knowing, after all. of course, they bicker with each other before you can finally give them the answer. volo wishes that HIS descendant got HIS smarts and didn't cogita's attitude, while cogita wishes that HER descendant got HER manners, and not volo's ego. luckily, you tell them that their descendant, cynthia, got the best of both worlds and none of the worst. you continue telling them about her, and you can't help but see cogita perk up when she hears the word "champion". oh, what a grandiose title! truly, only one of her bloodline can afford one as such! but volo finds more excitement when you tell him that cynthia is just as interested in history and ruins as he is, while sharing a team thats ALMOST identical to his. a garchomp AND a spiritomb? yeah, she's his descendant, no word about it.

It would be such a funny experience fksjfj

“Oh great god, what are my descendants like? Do you know?”

And your face varies over who asks.

Cyllene asks and you just 😬

“Um… I respect you too much to lie but… he kinda tries to commit universal genocide and attempts to become a god of a new universe??”

Cyllene is deathly still.

“He what.”

You are frantically moving you hands.

“No worries! The hero stopped them in their time too!”

Cyllene slumps back in her chair.

“Is… that why they always seemed so nervous around me at first?”

“If it’s any consultation, someone here tried to do the same thing, when ironically his descendant helped the hero stop your descendant??”

She rubs her temples, clearly getting a migraine.

“Please, could you elaborate?”

“On what?”

“Everything.”

You could probably tell others too about their descendants with various reactions.

“Oh yeah, Beni’s descendant almost became champion. Dude became a powerful trainer in the future, rivaled by the eventual champion themself.”

“…”

“Was the real underdog. Sweet kid too.”

You could also do this to fuck with random people, should you desire it.

“Oh yeah! Your descendants do great thing! Until the accident.”

“The what.”

“I have to go.”

I love these ideas though 💕💕 especially telling Volo or Cogita about Cynthia, explaining she is one of the strongest, most ruthless champions across the world.

They would have an ego about it.

And I feel Komado would find some peace with his descendant being a professor. When you tell him about how the hero even knows him, he feels a bit worse though.

No wonder the hero trusted him so easily, if they knew his descendant. His act of banishing them probably hurt even more now that he knows that.

He probably now has caused his descendant strife if the hero eve returns to their time. He knows he caused damage, he just silently hopes and prays his descendant is spared from the hero’s pain.

[yesbutmakeitgay]

Once Upon A Time I Used To Know A Girl

Chapter 11

Carol Danvers x Reader

Masterlist | This work's masterlist | AO3

Summary: Kamala and Valkyrie have a heavy conversation, Valkyrie has had enough.

Angst, Slow Burn, Amnesia.

Word count: 948

Searching For Meaning

"You did what?" Kamala shrills.

"She ambushed me." The girl shoots Valkyrie a look.

Kamala pinches her nose, "You told her Carol's codename?"

"I did no such thing, I merely called her 'Marv' and she put the pieces together, it's not my fault she's that smart." The King tries to downplay it.

"How could you do that?"

"In my defense during the whole conversation I only slipped once, at the end. I deserve some credit for that."

The girl is beyond agitated, "No, you do not, you literally did the one thing Carol asked us not to do!"

"Correction, the one thing she asked you not to do," The King accentuates the word 'you,' "as far as I’m aware she hasn't spoken to me since she got back." She crosses her arms.

The girl stops her pacing around the room and lowers her voice, "Wait, not even once?"

"Not once."

"Are you okay with that?" Kamala asks feeling a little awkward.

"Does it look like I’m okay with it?"

"To be fair, you do always seem to be pretty chill with everything which is something I envy," she admits bashfully.

"Either way, it is not her wishes I work to uphold."

"Then what is it?"

"Peace." Valkyrie asserts with grace.

"God, you really are starting to sound like a King." Val feigns offense, "Well she's gonna find out sooner or later," Kamala points out, getting them back to the problem at hand.

"So we should get to her before she does." Valkyrie has already thought it through.

"How? She's not responding to anyone, clearly."

"All the more reason to pay her a visit." There is a mischievous look on The King's face.

"Hold on, before you do that, there is something I need to talk to you about," Valkyrie stops in her tracks, "I've been thinking,"

"Is that news to anyone?" Val teases her.

"About this whole situation and there is something very strange going on."

"Yeah, I told you that the first time you called me."

"I think I know what it is now." That catches The King's attention.

The girl begins to explain her train of thought, resuming her pacing, "The last mission she remembers is the one before she met Carol. She remembers Aladna and Prince Yan, but not Princess Carol. She remembers her home in Louisiana, but not that she shared it with Carol. She remembers working with Monica, but not working with Carol. She can't remember Monica's last mission with us, or that you became King, both of which involved Carol. She can't remember Carol's voice or her uniform," Valkyrie looks at her, confused, "the scar on her neck, I saw it before, but I didn’t pay it any mind."

"It’s from repeated use of a sedative," Val points out.

The girl stops again, "How’d you know that?"

"I don’t scar easily, but, if I did, I may have one just like it."

"So her nightmares are true," Kamala concludes.

"What are you suggesting?"

"Her memory loss wasn't an accident, it was the whole plan all along."

"Careful what you say little Marv," The King warns her.

"Just think about it, it's not like she only remembers things from a certain date back and she has been able to gradually recall more people and events with our help, but even though she has seen and heard Carol she just doesn't recognize her." There is a mixture of thrill and terror in the girl’s voice.

"You're saying the ambush's purpose was to kidnap her and take all her memories of Marv away? Why would they do that?" Valkyrie is not sold on the theory.

Kamala tries to make sense out of it, "Why would the bad guys take the most powerful good guy's loved one and erase their memory?"

"To get them out of the way, obviously," you meddle into their conversation, "you probably don't have enough power to get rid of the hero so you take what's most important to them, usually a damsel in distress, they'll be so aggrieved that they'll take themselves out of the game, then you can do whatever you want." The answer seems so clear to you.

They both stare at you in slight panic that you might have heard their discussion, "That checks out," Val accepts your answer tentatively.

"What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing," they respond in unison. You sit beside them trying to ignore the silence your presence just created.

After some time you decide to break the tension, "I keep thinking about that symbol, I mean, if I worked with her for so long I would have definitely remembered it when I saw it again. And ‘Captain Marvel?’ It doesn’t feel right rolling off my tongue." Kamala’s heart skips a beat hearing you say Carol’s codename for the first time, "If she didn’t have anything to do with the accident, why did she go MIA? Just to piss me off?"

"To piss all of us off," Valkyrie mumbles, rolling her eyes, Kamala silently scolds her.

"She was so aggrieved that she took herself out of the game," the girl repeats your words slowly.

Realization dawns upon you, "Am I the damsel in distress?" Kamala can only give you a sympathetic smile, “How long?” You frown trying to process the news.

“Few years,” the girl answers softly, making your heart drop. Learning you were in a romantic relationship with The Captain for years makes it all the more concerning that you can't remember her.

Trusting you’re in good hands, Valkyrie borrows the keys to one of the very expensive cars in the compound and takes off.

"Where is she going?"

"To find Captain Marvel."

Chapter 12

It's almost time for a reunion, who's ready? 👀

Tags: @graniairish @carols-photonblast @thelittleliars @unicorniusfallapatorius @prplepeony @eringranola

Let me know if you wanna be tagged :)

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Y'know, Barry was a pretty trusting guy. Like, he didn't think he was too weird or suspicious about many things. Well, he was always suspicious given the nature of anxiety. And probably also weird, now that he thought about it. Actually, he was pretty weird and suspicious about a lot of things, but that's not the point. The point is is that he was trusting, maybe to a fault. And if there was anyone Barry trusted the most, it was himself.

Or rather, the talking coin with his voice. Same difference.

The coin had never led him astray before. Not that he could remember at least, 'cus the coin also said he couldn't remember much. But Barry trusted his past self to do what was right and tell him where to go. He was a smart guy. Dependable. Loyal. Honest.

But man, did he wish the coin would choose less stressful things to have him do.

Usually, he'd be breaking into a dungeon or maybe like, a big cave. This time, he was creeping through the halls of what just seemed to be someone's honest-to-gods home. It wasn't his smartest plan, according to the coin. Barry wouldn't know, considering the coin broke into static when it tried to explain the reasoning. The fact that this house had an intense amount of wards made him feel a little better about breaking and entering. Not a lot better, but enough to convince him that it was okay.

It was nighttime, but moonlight managed to get passed the barely open curtains in the hall. Barry crept further in, trying to keep his footsteps light. He had the coin clutched so tightly in his hand that he was sure there'd be an imprint later. He was- like, he had rogue levels, but he really hated using them. But it was better than attempting magic or trying to haul a heavy-ass sword at an enemy. Plus, this mission needed stealth. He was so stealthy. He was so good at this.

The door down the hall opened. Barry froze.

He didn't know who he was expecting to see, but it certainly wasn't his… target? Target didn't sound like the right word. He wasn't gonna kill this guy. Probably. His… soon-to-be-captive? No, he didn't wanna think of it as kidnapping. That felt weird. His… guy. Whom he was going to take back to his cave. Like a hangout sesh. A good ol' sleepover pal.

"Davenport?" sleepover pal- Davenport, Barry reminded himself- said, tilting his head at Barry.

"Hey," Barry whispered, trying to keep his voice down. If the coin was correct, there was one other person in the building and he was not looking to run into her. He took a careful, silent step forward. Davenport shrunk back a little into his room. "I'm uh- Barry Bluejeans. Nice to meet 'cha. Again. Kinda."

"Davenport," Davenport said.

There was a feeling of… something in his chest. This didn't feel right. Part of him had expected Davenport to be like, a big strong gnome. A brilliant scientist and adventurer, as the coin had said. But looking at him here, all Barry felt was… loss. Grief. He looked like an overgrown kid, wearing a large pajama shirt that hung past his knees. This wasn't- this wasn't right. Davenport was- he was supposed to be different.

"I mean no harm," Barry said. He tucked the coin into his pocket and then held up his hands. "Really. Just wanted to, uhm. Talk to ya for a bit."

"Davenport," Davenport said doubtfully.

"Right," Barry said. "Just talking! No- no funny business, no games-"

Man. He couldn't kidnap this guy. That would feel so wrong. He checked over his shoulder at the other door down the hall, but it stayed firmly shut. Barry swallowed. He reached into his pocket and Davenport took another step back. Barry hurriedly drew a pack of cards out.

Davenport looked like he didn't know what to make of him. Understandable. Barry didn't know what to make of himself either. But if he couldn't bring himself to kidnap this guy- and oh, he could already hear the coin complaining and breaking off into a staticky rant- he might as well have an honest-to-gods conversation with the man.

"My, uhm, sources tell me you like cards," Barry said, holding the deck out like an olive branch. "Wanna play some go fish?"

[adamnablelittledevil]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part VII (with maybe big spoilers and quotes?)

Let's keep this funny little tradition one more time as this book comes to an end. :)

Okay, so the whole story about Akasha and Enkil was cool, but didn't have to take like a hundred pages? It got exhausting after some time.

Didn't care about Marius's, though.

Tbh, I don't like Marius.

My ranking of characters so far: Armand > Lestat > Gabrielle > Nicki > Marius.

Louis and the others didn't have enough book time for me to form an opinion.

Armand mention! Still collecting those like Pokemons while my babygirl doesn't return from the war.

Btw, I still miss Armand. Armand, COME BACK, THE KIDS MISS YOU!

I think it's funny how Lestat always has the need to low-key compare the beauty or his feelings for each character whenever he meets someone new lmao.

Armand takes the prize of The Vampire Lestat's beauty pageant, though. Lestat literally mentioned his beauty every single time he saw him (and even when he didn't). Like, I wish I was making that up. He talked about Armand's beauty even more often that he cried lmao.

Lestat's issues/trauma with his father, Magnus, God and religion run so deep I don't even think he fully realizes the depth of them.

And that's the reason he's so obsessed with Marius to me?

He's always asking him for permission, apologizing, trying to please him, make him proud, one minute with him and he was already talking like they were intimate friends, I'm like????

He literally just became a child all over again.

Lestat de Lioncourt, I am once again begging you to go to therapy because Marius can't help you with your issues.

And you have A LOT of issues, so DO IT, please.

Marius: Lestat, no. Lestat: Lestat, YES!!!

Like, you guys don't get it, the idea, THE I D E A!!!!!!! IT WAS STRONGER THAN HIM!!!!!!!!!

In his defense, I believe that might've been the case. Lestat is chaotic and breaks the rules by nature, but the whole thing with Akasha and Enkil is kind of hard to tell and I believe he could've been controlled by them or maybe a natural force/pull. Idk.

Btw, the idea of playing the violin was smart.

If only in all these years somebody had the brain to think about this musical instrument lol.

This whole moment with Akasha felt like I was watching something so explicit lmao.

The "make them in love" part was sweet. I hope we can get that on the show. Preferably talking to/about Louis.

“Impossible was that I was leaving Marius and this island right now. ‘You needn’t come down with me,’ I said, taking the valise from him. I was trying not to sound bitter and crestfallen. After all, I had caused this. 'I would rather not weep in front of others. Leave me here.’” This is a child on their first day of kindergarten being bitter and too proud to admit lol. I can see him so clearly, pouting and all.

“I had what I wanted, what I had always wanted. I had them. And I could now and then forget Gabrielle and forget Nicki, and even forget Marius and the blank staring face of Akasha, or the icy touch of her hand or the heat of her blood.” OH?

Thinking thoughts.

Thinking SO MANY thoughts.

I'm not sure you guys understand, actually.

I'm (not) fine.

Not only Lestat and Armand are potentially two BPD Scorpios, but NEURODIVERGENT too. Jfc. This would actually explain the chaos so much tbh.

This moment between them feels kind of weird and random, though? Like, I know that they can fight ugly, but I feel like I'm missing something with these accusations? Because the last time they saw each other they were in a good place?

I hope when I read Interview With the Vampire I'll find an answer for why Armand was pissed at him again?

Because, no, I don't think just "waiting for Lestat's love" is a good one. But... Whatever.

That's the only part of the book that has me feeling like maybe I'm missing something and should've started in the right order. But it's like this one thing at the end and didn't affect my comprehension of the book as whole, so I'll wait. It's just, like, this feels random and I'm confused???? But okay, I'm used to their insane dynamic now lol. We'll all live.

Ok, but what the actual hell is happening?

Is Lestat just insane or is Armand mind-controlling him or something lol

Oh?

Okay...

He basically said “I thought I was delusional. But if that were the case, Armand wouldn’t be the person I’d see. I was so weak, but managed to overpower him. But memory plays its tricks, so maybe I did imagine him. But I also knew he was there.”... Like, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING???????

Either way... OUCH! And I don't know what would hurt more.

Him being all alone and imagining/hallucinating ARMAND of all people.

Or Amand being there because, idk, as insane as they are and even Armand on his “villain era” I guess that might be better than being completely alone? Since loneliness is his chronic and biggest fear? Idk. Maybe I'm going just as insane as these vampires.

Like, obviously, if that's true those aren't sweet moments and they still emotionally hurt each other (and themselves in the process), but that's some level of care in a messed-up sick in the head vampire way?

Idk. I guess I'm just insane like they are.

"'Love me and the blood is yours,' he said. 'This blood that I have never given to another.' I felt his lips against my face. 'I can't deceive you,' I answered. 'I can't love you. What are you to me that I should love you? A dead thing that hungers for the power and the passion of others? The embodiment of thirst itself?' And in a moment of incalculable power, it was I who struck him and knocked him backwards and off the roof. Absolutely weightless he was, his figure dissolving into the gray night. But who was defeated? Who fell down and down again through the soft tree branches to the earth where he belonged? Back to the rags and filth beneath the old house. Who lay finally in the rubble, with hands and face against the cool soil? Yet memory plays its tricks. Maybe I imagined it, his last invitation, and the anguish after. The weeping. I do know that as the months passed he was out there again. I heard him from time to time just walking those old Garden District streets. And I wanted to call to him, to tell him that it was a lie I'd spoken to him, that I did love him. I did." OH?

Seriously...

WHAT THE HELL IS THEIR PROBLEM WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??

I would like to see Anne talking about whatever Lestat and Armand have going on because how do you even begin to explain it...

Like what was that crazy individual thinking when she wrote them?

I need to know.

I'm so stressed.

Immortality if dumbass vampires knew how to use their words:

These are literally fictional characters and they're ruining my life.

Season 3 can be so insufferable omg.

Btw, I LOVE the concept of one character hurting another and "winning a fight", when in reality they're just pretending and the two are actually losing. This is so intriguing. Congratulations, you're both idiots! Here, you won a tissue!

OH???????

IS THAT STILL HAPPENING?

WAIT.

WAIT MORE!

IS THAT THE OTHER THING?

“Lestat de Lioncourt In the year of his Resurrection 1984” HE’S SO UNSERIOUS EXTRA AND RIDICULOUS LMAO.

NOT HIM CALLING MUSIC VIDEOS VIDEO FILMS LMAO.

OMG IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?

LOUIS??????????? IS THAT YOU?????

Or maybe Gabrielle since he kept saying how he hadn't heard from her since their farewell but wanted to etc etc.

Or Marius.

Or Armand, but that's less likely?

Or Akasha because I know there's a certain moment coming, but I don't know if it's on TVL or QOTD...

...Or like a secret sixth thing.

But I hope it's Louis, I want to meet him so bad!

If that’s another dream/delusion/hallucination/piece of his imagination istfg!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m so invested, this CANNOT be for nothing!!!!!

fr Lestat describing people and stuff is somehow gayer than loving men, lmao.

Btw, is that really sooooo dramatic or does Lestat need to turn everything into a spectacle? Like, why does this feel like a big Hollywood movie scene?

“‘There’ll be time after,’ I answered. 'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Nothing is going to happen. You’ll see.’” Can Anne Rice stop with the "five minutes before disaster" lines, please? Bruh is NOT subtle. Like AT ALL.

“And I had always loved him, hadn’t I, no matter what happened, and how strong could love grow if you had eternity to nourish it, and it took only these few moments in time to renew its momentum, its heat?” I NEED THIS TO BE SAID OUT LOUD ON THE SHOW SO BAD OMG???!!!!!!!!!!

I hope Sam Reid has been practicing this in front of a mirror since he was 14 just like he must've done it with the book's opening.

“‘Whatever happens, it will be worth it,’ I said. 'That is, if you and I, and Gabrielle, and Armand… and Marius are together even for a short while, it will be worth it. Suppose Pandora chooses to show herself. And Mael. And God only knows how many others. What if all the old ones come. It will be worth it, Louis. As for the rest, I don’t care.’” As I said before, this sounds like those dramatic child movies where a kid does the most over-the-top and probably dangerous thing ever just to get the attention of their relatives and bring their dysfunctional family together...

Maybe, deep down, Lestat is just a simple little boy who still wants a big family lol. It's not even just about having a father figure anymore, he wants big house full of people to love and hug. :((((

Or maybe he is just bored and wants chaos, lol.

Or both.

“I bowed my head. I laughed. I slipped my hands into the pockets of my pants the way mortal men did in this day and age, and I walked on through the grass.” Louis just made Lestat get shy like a teenage girl and I didn't know that was possible. Gotta respect him for that.

NOT LOUIS SAYING VIDEO FILMS TOO LMAO YOU’RE SO OLD AND LAME????

“Lestat, you think you understand,” this is literally them btw

Btw, now that I know New Orleans is "Armand's territory", maybe those interactions with Lestat were real? I need to check to see if there's info about the dates and if it adds up.

Lestat's concert lasting 3 hours. What a dream. Just some hard-working artist that really cares about his fans. Wow. Can musicians all over the world follow his example, please?

I'm glad he's having fun.

He's having WAY TOO MUCH FUN exposing himself like that lol.

Okay, so I think this rockstar thing made him even happier than the books or theater and that's cute.

I get him because the two best days of my life happened when I went to my favorite concerts.

“This little war of mine would put all those I loved in danger.” Congratulations for stating the absolute obvious, Lestat!

GABRIELLE!!!!!!!

Gabrielle is so done with her manchild of a son lol.

She has never been wrong, though.

Lestat, I love you, but you're exhausting.

I totally get Gabrielle wanting to run to the mountains, jungles, live among animals and not see another person again for so long. You're too high-energy and your parent is tired, Lestat.

Btw, their dynamic can be so funny, I hope the show explore that on season 3.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ENDED LIKE THAT??????

I knew it would be a cliffhanger, but OMG???

Anywaysssss, that's a wrap on The Vampire Lestat. Mission finally accomplished! That was really fun, wohoo! x :) ^^

[crystal-crax]

A RANT:

THE NEON LEON

(I) A rise to leadership

Pun intended bc Leo would love it

Has this been done yet? Of course, but i love ranting about my favorite characters and boy, rise tmnt has so much to rant about (well, the whole tmnt franchise has enough material to speak for HOURS buttt rise lives forever in my heart so yeah i'm biased). Might talk about mutant mayhem in the future idk.

Leonardo Hamato/Splinterson has always been the leader, the one that carries the weight of carrying the team and following splinter's steps as the next "head" of the family (as said by splinter in the 2012 tmnt). And yeah in much of the versions of the turtles, this is a very important aspect of his personality, it's his literal purpose; it's the catalyst for a lot of the narratives and storylines seen across the tmnt universe: His fights with Raph, his anxiety, his inferiority complex, his constant wish to be better, how he sometimes neglects (or simply goes against?)his brother's feelings in order to keep them and the team itself safe.

Being the leader is both the weight and medal that comes with being Leonardo, that sisyphean task that we will always see try to accomplish over and over again.

So if we want to explore why he is a great leader... shouldn't we take that weight off his shoulders?

And that my people, it's what rise does perfectly. The best way to prove that Leo is a great leader? To show us how he can handle the team from the shadows, let us see how well he knows his team's strengths and shortcomings.

But don't just make him want to be the leader, no no, show us why we should all trust him to.

First of all: Leo panicking at the face of danger, might be useful sometimes.

Honest to god: i think the rise writers and animators are amazing. They're so GOOD at showing us important pieces of the characters even without directly saying it.

First of all, he doesn't have a fight or flight response because he straight up waves his ōdachi directly at anything that attacks him and his brothers (bro has kill om sight sense, he literally sliced warren one time, remember?). He will always have the advantage, even when surprised. Also the way he lightens up the situation with his witty banter and one liners when stress is too much? Extra points for keeping team morale up👍

Or in a different case, leo's panic when the mad dogs get in trouble upon a stronger rival. Why is it great? Because even though he's losing his absolute shit, he's able to act and take the next conscious step; even when it's used for laughs: He calls for his father when his family is in danger. It may sometimes be a funny gag ; like in "Flushed but never forgotten" or soul fucking wrenching like when they're attacked by shredder and RAPH IS PROTECTING DONNIE AND LEO SCREAMS AND I- *ehem*. But he knows splinter it's capable of defending them, he trained them after all (this may be arguable when talking about season 1 splint but well, he still recognizes his father as a ninja and his master).

And thus, the next marvel of Leo:

B) He's completely aware of the team's abilities

He's a middle child, he has seen everything, and the most perfect example of it: Many unhappy returns.

BOY IF THAT'S NOT THE MOST AMAZING DEMONSTRATION OF LEO'S LEADERSHIP AND STRATEGY IDK WHAT ELSE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR

He trusts his siblings completely, sure he looks out for them and supports them when needed (while being sarcastic about it), but he knows they're amazing at the hero thing.

I wouldn't doubt it if Splinter; being with Leo most of the episode saw just how in control he was of the situation and went: "dude...why are you not the one leading the team? You're...actually so smart wtf????"

C)He knows how to dial down his brother's enthusiasm and calls out his father's faults (and sometimes hypocrisy)

Remember the paper thieves episode?

That's peak leader Leo

The whole team was full on trying to get killed for the lols, and what does he do? Pulls them to the side and explains why they should start with something more simple and gives a speech on why focusing on the "easier task" it's still a good hero job (look out for the small/weaker ones, right?)

Not only that, but he's the one that constantly calls out his dad's mess ups, remaining by his brother's side and defending them (THIS IS NOT A SPLINTER SLANDER, I'M SAD DAD SUPPORTER AND I WILL TALK ABOUT IT LATER) seen as one of the YouTube shorts or when splints nags then about keeping secrets from him: he stands for his team, "you are not supposed to do that/you do the same thing you yell at us for"

He both inspires and defends his team, and hey; a leader is not the one that orders, but the one that motivates and supports you.

D) He's their personal hype man

Cue back to point B, he is amazed by his siblings abilities, even if he dies hide it sometimes. Remember when mikey wanted to go on a solo mission? He's fully on board and never doubts mikey is in control of the situation (sure he does go to "save him" with the others later on but come on, you all heard the call and saw Raph panicking. He trusts him but he's still his little brother y'know?)

He knows Donnie is an absolutely genious and is completely aware of Raph's dedication to the hero gig and responsability.

April and Splints? He knows they're completely capable of holding their own and willingly helps them when the situation calls for it.

And this is it please be free to add anything you might like and tell me if i'm making sense??? Idk i just love him a lot😞

HECK EVEN CASEY, A LITERAL BOY HE JUST MET. He is aware of casey's passion and abilities; i mean, if his own future self trusts him as the only one capable to fix everything, why shouldn't he?

Conclusion: Leo quite literally grew to deserve the role of the leader.