#god i really got emotional over this
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Scary Sunset.
I'm concepting things way outta order in this story, but I'm sure you can piece things together. Context is for a storybeat where, after defeating and capturing Adagio (thus having all three sirens in her possession), Sunset enacts her revenge plot to release the sirens on Canterlot as Thea discovers she's been manipulated. In a confrontation, the two scuffle and fight over the siren orbs while Sunset struggles with her conflicting wants and emotions.
#mlp#sunset shimmer#twilight sparkle#twiset#the orbs are the glass balls sunset carries on her back btw its in her cast line up art#deep down sunset hates thea. she was named “twilight” by celestia. the time of day succeeding sunset. she was always her replacement#but at this point in the story sunset's also fallen for thea. so it's also a conflict of wills in sunset. love or hatred.#hence the “don't make me do this” language. she's rationalizing her hatred and violence as thea forcing her hand and getting in her way#when in reality she doesn't need to do any of this. it's her last stand and outburst to cling to a life of revenge that she's grown too#fond of. because she knows thea has the power to change that and disrupt her identity as a pathetic victim who fell from glory#and that's scary. thea's a very scary thing to sunset because suddenly sunset wants something and to be someone new.#she suddenly wants to change. to be better for someone else. and she never thought or believed that could be an option for her#anyways toxic yuri yayyy#my art#the grand galloping 20s#character design#i hope i got across the pained conflicted emotions in sunset's face tho i belabored over them these past 3 days#i hope a look of anger and dissonance and guilt and “oh god i don't really wanna hurt you please just obey me” while trying to intimidate#is readable. if so it's all in the eyebrows babey
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hello... please consider... yakumo in:
the classic traditional style qipaos
the modernised and modified ones
bonus: modified hanfu
he would look wonderful wouldn't he? all the more delectable and sashimiable?
ahaha...ahah...AHAHHAH.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
#feesh answer#the more i scrolled the more manic laughter leaked out of my face. exolkoiddeploded really#i had no images to accurately convey my emotion. so i had to make one#BEHOLD! MY PHOTO COLLAGE SKILLS!!!!!!🤣#did you really just have yakumo-coloured outfits ready and waiting somewhere in your storage??!#your curation feels like a personal attack even tho i know you just out here doin things for You#me normally: i want the most obnoxious ridiculous over the top colour combo and clashing finalfantasia10000belts mess----#me now: ok but there's something about that 3rd modern one. it's. so simple. but. i. but i......#i need him to be cute and helpful in the traditional ones. i want him walking around in the garden just sniffing pretty flowers#wait no i want him in one of th emodified ones just absolutely DESTROYING eiden's ---#waiT no I want him IN THE FLOWING ETERNALGARMENTS WITH HIS GLOWY EYES AND SOBBING POSSESSED DEMEANOUR BUT NOT ACTUALLY POSSESSED#so just glowing and crying. got it#WAIT NO-#god it's like all the things i used to be meh about or go 'what kinda character design is this'#now i'll see it on yaku and it's.....well......#those maiden buns? the lil twin baobao or whatever? hated thsoe things forever and always#then someone will put em on yakumo and suddenly everything is fine#WHAT IS HE DOING WITH THE LIL. ORBS ON HIS HEAD. I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYONE WHO WEARS THEM.#ONLY LITTLE GIRLIES. IS IT INAPPROPRIATE TO GIVE YAKU THE BUNS#BUT I. IF HE DOESN'T WEAR HIS HAIR LIKE THAT.#i will straihjtt up put steamed buns on his head#and force him to stay still and balance them#until i finish eating them all#it's a game of pile bread on the snake#i will require a stepladder#nu carnival yakumo
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i love having a snzfucker girlfriend so much she makes me feel so attractive and special in moments that i’ve normally been made to feel gross and embarrassed and small, like i should be ashamed of things i can’t control.
not only does she treat me with kindness and patience when i’m having a horrible allergy attack and can do nothing but sniffle and sneeze, she makes me feel pretty and worth loving and even sexy and it’s so special and i’m never going to get used to it
#idk i’m just soft#our first night together i was falling asleep while still having a fit#and i had been stifling but i started drifting off and before i realized what was happening i had sneezed fully and really harshly#directly into the palm of her hand (which she had cupped and ready in front of my mouth and nose the second i started hitching)#god it was so embarrassing and i immediately sprang up and apologized over and over#but she just cooed and shushed me and told me that i had nothing to be sorry or embarrassed about#and got me back to sleep#and then the next day when i apologized about it again#because it really was like#a very spray-y sneeze directly into her hand#she told me how much it turned her on and how adorable she thought it was#sorry i’m so soft and a little tipsy and decently sick so#i sm feeling very emotional and i just have so much to say about my gf#god
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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how did u learn to paint?? like i just cant wrap my head around it
<3 I love answering asks like this!
You will have to bare with me, I don't save many of my studies, and my files aren't that organized so I don't have as many images as I would like.
The studies I've found most helpful for myself personally with painting are various master studies. (This is also, as always, alongside study of fundamentals.) And always follow a study with self-critique (and, if you can get it, outside critique!)
"Master" in this sense means anyone who you want to learn something from.
One way you can do this is by copying an artist's work directly. This is to try and understand some of their stylistic techniques. Leyendecker, Andrew Loomis, and John Singer Sargent are personal favorites of mine! I try to keep these quick, I'm not trying to get an exact copy.
I also get a lot out of copying photos. In this case, I'm not trying to glean some technique, rather, I'm trying to interpret the photo and explore my own stylizations.
(photo credit mountain men of alaska )
I also really enjoy taking a painting or piece that already exists, and making it "mine" by putting my characters in it haha, which is sort of a combination of master studies and photo studies!
(William Bruce Ellis - Covent Garden (1930)) (Barberini Faun)
And then, in my work that's not a study at all, I'm informed by all of these!
What master studies do is help me refine my style and practice my technique, but also I'm communicating with artists of the past through my art! They're teaching me! And I have so much to learn.
And of course... most importantly... I paint.
a lot.
I don't do as much study anymore, not because I feel I've learned all I need to, but because for work I draw 50+ drawings a week. 'Drawing for work' and 'study' occupy the same space in my brain and I need some fun drawing time!
So to sum up, draw a lot, reference constantly, and copy the people you want to draw more like!
(and, of course, when doing a study off of someone else's work, always give them credit. If it's your photos there's no need.)
#I really tried to pare this one down cause it got LONG#as always I am more than happy to delve deeper into any of these particular points!#I'm always always always happy to explain as much of my process as possible#and I'd love to pass off some of my knowledge to others!#I love to see people creating art and want to do anything I can to help empower people to do so more#I love you mwa mwa mwa#asks#edsheerankinnie#art tips#painting tips#I pretty much wear my influences on my sleeve#like I don't care#I honestly get so so so excited about art I'm like shaking a little#like oh my god#we get to MAKE Things#we get to sit down and through the power of our own hands we get to CREATE#and I get to access the knowledge of humanity. throughout history#I get to reach my hand out and have people who are long gone pass their knowledge on to me.#like come on. that's unreal...#at some point you will unlock this feeling if you let yourself#the feeling of connection over centuries#when you hear michelangelo was so shocked by the lifelike nature of his own sculpture he threw his chisel at it to see if it would move#when you see rockwell's love for simple moments between normal people#when you see cave paintings of a woman and you know she was loved.#you get to fucking connect#and feel human#and it's really special#and it's why I think everyone should draw. everyone should draw a LITTLE#music too#augh I'm emotional
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Into a new day, together
@naffeclipse I cannot begin to tell you how emotional I am over the CS ending - their happiness and chance at healing mean so much to me ;v;
And a small, very rough bonus that I see happening between the first two panels - someone giving Nessie that last little push to accept the affection she feels too guilty to indulge in <3
#post let luce#dcamv#cryptid sightings#cryptid sightings spoilers#naffeclipse#my art#god I am so normal you guys#so so normal#will I ever acknowledge the actual season CS plays in or will I just continue drawing evergreens?#evergreens#because theyre fun#also in my defense mentally I was still near the desert#and I don't know the americas so I was like “if near desert = warmer?? so more green??” lmao#it really has been 9 months huh#I'm so glad I got out of the woodwork to be an active participant in this journey#it was an honor to make silly theories and draw my comics for it <3#not that ill stop yknow just bc its over#i mean therell be the spinoffs n stuff too#but yeah#emotional gfhdj#thank you naff for sharing your beautiful brain with us <3
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*crawls onto dash like an axolotl*
i- i am alone. back home. writing time.
#I got halfway through Authority and it's honestly pretty baller. I think the protagonist will connect less with most people but#It still has that juicy juicy deranged Annihilation flavor. Oh your family was fucked up and that's why you can understand The Horrors#I want to carry the author over the threshold bridal style or something.#Also I got halfway through 'Foundations' which was written by a physicist noble prize winner with grossly inflated sense of ego who#was trying to make a religion out of Abductive Reasoning while barely knowing how Abductive Reasoning works. All his social takes#were fascinatingly bad (not wrong to be clear; just bad examples no solid logic) and he also clearly gave the halflife of C14#and proceeded to say that we used it for figuring out Neanderthals were in Europe a few hundred thousand years ago.#I swear to god physicists should have emotional support geologists they can consult on the phone whenever they're feeling#a bit spicy about psychology and philosophy and it would save the world half a dozen bad takes.#His physics and 'layman' outline of how the physical world works though was really good. I quite liked that though. I would've#finished the book except it's my brother's and it's not good enough I would steal it. Except that fucker bought#THE ALTERATION OF ECONOMIC GEOLOGY and for HIMSELF not ME and that I might yoink lol.#Anyway COOL I AM BACK IN MY OWN BED I CAN RESPOND TO SOME EMAILS AND TRY TO AIM FOR CHAPT 34#I hope everyone had a really good Christmas! <3#ptxt
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Hear me out (or don't... it's fine I'm just venting and mean) yeah um I don't believe Chakotay was saved in Prod*gy s2.
#the 'time travel' makes no sense when you think on it. What happened to Prime Chakotay? He got killed they showed that.#At the end s1 Janeway finds an 'alternate chakotay in an alternate timeline' and that's the one they go and get#we saw the original get merc'd in the message. That ACTUALLY happened. Lmao.....#They didn't prevent THAT death because they didn't go to THAT Solum with the Infinity and stop it from happening#instead it was 'ALTERNATE#' implying other.#OG Chakotay wasn't taken over by the alternative one either nothing suggests that was the direction for him in s2#they didn't do anything like 'well you see chakotay because at the end of s2 when we converged timestreams you have merged with your other'#if they did want to recover the original from s1 then keep that clear instead of being convoluted dont use an alternate timeline wtf#instead the plot was focused on gywns stupid fucking paradox plot and her being fixed#chakotay was the one in a paradox too did that not matter nah dw about it he had to die for this outcome or someshit lmao why#In the extended message given to admiral janeway it shows him clearly getting left behind and surrounded. Sadly no one intervened.#I dont understand why they couldnt have just made s2 about his rescue alone IF they took their time it wouldnt be so difficult#to follow#above that the one they rescued was ruined by the 10 year gap so he wasn't 'saved' at all. God i hate s2 when you break it apart#I dunno the more i look at s2 Janeway and Chakotay the more upsetting it is. Janeway would NOT have settled for an imposter.#everyone going goo-goo gaa gaa over s2 but it's sloppy af imo and undermines a huge portion voyagers struggles#id really like them to flatly lay out their ideas because literally nothing ive heard explains the story or choices of s2 with conviction#instead it's oh clap for wesley or the new vulcan and other references yay#describe to me your timetravel clearly and i'll happily take a seat on it (there is still other crap stuff mind you)#this is the most repressed shit i my head i swear#im angry because s1 is so clearly mapped out to a brilliant degree and for whatever reason it's not in s2#i can see through it#insultingly people are eating it up and claiming it's better than ever nah dawg embarrassing#there are nice ideas inside s2 but they arent adequately rewarded#it doesnt compare to the timetravel in other trek because they kept it clear#i mean it could have been an interesting parallel to endgame but in the end janeway didnt even rescue him lmao they dropped her#why bother building up this mission only for her to give up and go 'i'll hand it over because im told to'. Janeway had fuck all this season#let alone settle for not fixing her own timeline and her own friends deadly circumstance dw just grab another one from the shelf i guess#the emotional fallout was absolutely missed because they didnt elaborate on anything. Plenty of show but no substance from the characters
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Dazai truly has become Oda in every way imaginable now. :’ ) the final words he gives to Sigma are the exact same words Oda gives to Dazai in the original scene Asagiri wrote for the end of the Dark Era stage play, 後は頼��だよ, “I will leave the rest to you.”
And I really love the progression of the way his eyes look in this chapter, and how Sigma is allowed to have this moment of questioning and rebelling against all the faith Dazai had naturally been leading him to place in him up to this point, which is what I hoped would happen. He’s been confused ever since Dazai first chose him, and everything he’s ever known about how everyone sees/treats him turned upside down by Dazai’s words and actions, and just when he’s finally started to feel like he’s found some hope and lowered his guard, Dazai pulls him back underwater, instantly reinforcing all of Sigma’s trust issues and reinforcing that he should never believe in anyone, because (he thinks) everyone lives to manipulate other people. Dazai’s dark eyes here reinforce that, too, and the other panels around this point where they look white and hollow and demonic, all like Fyodor’s. He appears like an evil, looming force pulling him back under, trying to kill him, when Sigma is so close to the freedom of the air he desperately wants (aka free from pain, which is what he’s been seeking his whole life).
But then Dazai makes this face, and the first one I posted above, and Sigma understands, even without words, that Dazai doesn’t have evil intent: on the contrary, he actually is bound and determined to save his life -- and the light in his eyes comes out through this determination and kindness, arguably the most light we’ve ever seen his eyes have in the entire manga (in the “I leave the rest to you” panel too). The “No” could be Dazai wordlessly telling him to not leave the water, but my first assumption was that it was Sigma telling himself no, stopping his own train of thought about Dazai being the same as Fyodor and someone he shouldn’t have trusted -- he soon realizes why Dazai stopped him, and that he’s still going to try to save him, that he wasn’t wrong about him, and it’s all because Dazai’s earnest expressions get through to him.
And it’s just so heartwarming to see how far Dazai has come. :’ ) He tried so hard to save Sigma (doing the most physical action we’ve ever seen him do, really), did his best to be reassuring and comforting to him afterwards, and then reaffirmed his promise to ensure he escaped Meursault alive, his final words to Sigma echoing Oda’s and his last action being to save an orphan, just like Oda did in his last moments. Obviously Dazai isn’t actually going to die, he’ll be saved somehow, but I do think as of right now he really does think this is the end for him, and that he didn’t foresee the elevator dropping -- he was examining the wires a few chapters ago because he thought he might need to know how to open the doors in case Fyodor pulled an uno reverse, hence why he looks more annoyed than shocked when the water starts, but here, when the drop collision sequence is initiated, he looks genuinely shook in comparison. There’d be no reason for him to give the thumbs up if he knew more danger was on the way, either; that’d just be cruel. No, I don’t think he saw this coming, and it’s important that that turns out to be the case: it’s important that he spent what he believes to have been his last moments saving someone like Oda wanted for him, and doing what Oda would have done in the same situation. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay that Dazai throws his life away so easily, and cares so little for his own safety; he still has a long way to go in that regard. But it’s still so beautiful to see how much he’s changed, and how much he’s truly begun to embody Oda and his legacy; the fact that he messed up and miscalculated, because Dazai isn’t infallible, but in turn didn’t hesitate to use his last moments to save Sigma. Oda would be so proud for everything he did here. :’ ) 💖
There are a lot of options for how Dazai will be saved, and by who, but personally I hope (and I kind of expect) that Sigma chooses to not give up on him and ultimately plays a role in saving his life, to return the favor and repay him for his kindness. Not only would it be a beautiful way to initiate Sigma’s ADA entrance exam as people have said, but it would bring the Dazai > Atsushi > Sigma chain full circle: Dazai saved Atsushi at the start of the series, allowing him to (spiritually) save Sigma at sky casino thanks to the growth fostered in him by Dazai, and now finally, Sigma could potentially save Dazai thanks to Atsushi kickstarting his own growth (and Dazai continuing it). Fyodor is overly cocky right now and so tunnel-visioned on killing Dazai, it’s possible that he has no idea that Sigma managed to escape the elevator and is now a wild card; even if Sigma doesn’t go as far as killing Fyodor himself (which I don’t want, tbh; that’s endgame stuff arcs down the line and imo Nikolai and Dazai should be the ones involved with that), he could throw a wrench in the jailbreak duel, and help Dazai and Chuuya get out alive. It would be poetic, and only fitting, for Fyodor to underestimate and be outdone by the kind of person Dazai told him is the strongest in chapter 77 -- a self-proclaimed “ordinary man��� -- who could only have the strength to take such action thanks to the chain of kindness that Oda originally started. 💖
#bungou stray dogs#bsd 106.5#meta#this chapter was literally everything i could have wanted i am SO EMOTIONAL#I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT#ASAGIRI GIVING ME LITERALLY EVERYTHING I EVER COULD HAVE WANTED#DAZAI HAS GROWN SOOOO MUCH HE'S BECOME SO MUCH LIKE ODA I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD 😭😭😭💖💖💖#as soon as i saw that big panel of his face i was like........ he looks like oda......... ASAGIRI I SEE YOUUUUUU#AND THE FINAL WORDS#I SEE YOUUUUUUUUUU#ISTG IF DAZAI THINKS ABOUT ODA WHEN HE THINKS HE'S GONNA DIE BEFORE HE GETS SAVED I WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST#ASAGIRI PLEASE THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY I WILL CRYYYYYYY 😭🥺🥹💖#Dazai was so much like Oda here and Sigma looked just like Atsushi in that one panel DONT TOUCH MEEEE#THIS WHOLE CHAPTER WAS SO PERFECT#I NEED SIGMA TO SAVE HIM NOW#the longest chapter we've gotten in AGES and it was a banger god bless#tbh i really needed this after season 4 lmao i needed a reminder of why i love this series so much :''''') something to soothe my rage#asagiri saw my bitterness at anime sigma and was like 'here u go babe i got your sigma and dazai and oda feast'#probably means next month will be short again and a pov change lmao 🥲💔#gonna enjoy this while it lasts#anyway i was really happy to see that moment of Sigma getting mad even if it didn't last long (and for a beautiful reason)#because he Deserved that#(because that's what i wrote in my fic and i feel vindicated now even if that wasn't the main focus of this chapter looool oops-)
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELAX!!!!
#im genuinely trying. and its not working#everytime i have more than 1 day of complete free time inspiration hits me like a rogue wave#and like. love that#but it just starts another cycle. why is it so god damn hard to actually really and wholeheartedly relax and not feel guilty about it#anyway. im forcing myself to play dai today because i just got off a 3hour writing session#and you might think thats good but I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH#WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK THIS WHOLE TRASHCAN OF EMOTIONS IN#it is not one successive scene. its a series of observations over the course of a whole arc#i literally relaxed with my cozy little writing session to add more work for myself. do you see it. do you see my plight#fml#(it was really good though.)
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i finished demon slayer back in like .. 2020? or whenever the manga finished, but i shld probably watch the anime
#kny spoilers#demon slayer spoilers#<- for tags#sanemi.. he looks so good! i love him.#i always liked rengoku n’ sanemi the most. but i was a BIG shinobu fan when she fought douma#she was so badass. always was but especially then. it made me super emotional too seeing her backstory n’ having inner monologue#at that time demon slayer was the only anime / manga i’d ever cried to lol. everything about the ending arcs made me sad.#SANEMI AND GENYA ESPECIALLY OH MY GOD !!!#i will never fucking get over how sad i was reading through genya’s death#i really loved gyomei too but i feel like he is a very forgettable character#eternal happiness forever at the fact sanemi didn’t die though. i was so fucking happy when he was alive in the end#i ... didn’t really ship obanai and mitsuri but their end was cute.#i was really happy when douma got killed too. he was sexy but my girl was better and sexier and always will be.#AND HIS STUPID LAST LINE ABT SEEING SHINOBU’S BEAUTY !!!!!!!! I WILL SEND HIM TO HELL MY DAMN SELF !!!!!#AWAY FROM HER !!!#n e ways ...... demon slayer infect my brain again ..;;
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working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do
#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me#like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that#and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already#bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back#and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess#but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise#and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help#and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out#and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao#and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw#like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way#and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt#and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years#to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad#she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it#long ass tag story sorry
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#okay not to be thinking about hetalia. Again#(but dec 20 is hetalia day For Me. and i just got that comment)#but god i really did go off with wdww#there's many. (MANY) instances of bits where characters are having a Feeling™ that i could write much better now#which is frustrating to see#but like. all things considered. not bad college me. not bad#i remember when i was going insane in germany i paid to have an editor look at the story#and they described the characters as having 'juvenile' emotions#and like that was harsh and it sure didnt make me feel good#but good god they were right#like i did a good job in the latest one shot i did for the zine. THAT is how the character's attraction shouldve been written#but instead i over use the word 'feels' and 'weird' and i just have to live with that#i learned a lot from writing these fics and ive learned a lot post them because of my critique group and professional editors#i wish i could magically apply that to them but alas. i will need to live with it#and resist telling people complementing them 'thanks but i like. i write so much better now!!!!!!'#anyway now im rambling.#miscellaneous#tldr; frustrated that i didn't really let the characters use words like fucking 'arousal' and 'attraction'#let's also blame this on me being asexual and having to figure out how to write about a feeling i dont have through trial and error but
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i need to solidify my rook hes been a silly failguy but i think hes also very ruthless when his loved ones are hurt. Which is gonna be great when i do lucanis quests tell you what
#dragonageposting#passerine mercar#mhm. not very skilled in social situations but his smile also rarely reaches his eyes. maybe he just doesnt put effort anymore#i think he has mass trust issues but also gets attached really quickly even if he doesnt like. show or say it#he does better at handling less personal situations. situations where he has some emotional distance#its very important to him to do the good that he does but he also doesnt Know these people hes helping#so his decision making in those situations is usually ok. he did let the mayor die bc his emotions won over logic...#he puts his & others' lives on the line to save innocents like he has something to prove in doing so#so being faced with the one responsible for all these people hurting & dying (even if he was manipulated) was. yeah#saving treviso was bc while he obviously cares about minrathous he more or less figured things wouldnt go well wherever he DIDNT go#not bc hes overconfident so much as like. 'this just seems to be how things go despite the fact i kinda suck. fuck.'#& like. minrathous seemed the more salvageable of the two if things went to shit#hed already fucked w the venatori before he can do it again. being asked to save innocent lives was a lot more immediate of a threat#as a shadow dragon though it sucked BAD when he got back to minrathous..... the consequences.#probably gets less silly after that. more overtly serious. but also not particularly mentally stable (he never was#tries to help his companions but keeps some emotional distance so it hurts less if he ever fucks up. man.#of course he fails he has a big caring heart but god he wishes he didnt!!!#ahhh. passerineeee
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