#god i love this verse so much but people are weird about a/b/o and people who write it

[undertheopensky]

WAIT ACE FOUR 👀👀👀👀👀👀

Asdfgh this one is both my baby and the one I hoped no one would notice -

Fuck this'll be a long one

First off, it's A/B/O verse, but it's not even slightly about the sex. It's more exploring what it's like being in a world that's obsessed with sex when you're... not. And everyone thinks there's something wrong with you, you must have had bad experiences, you must be sick, you must need to be fixed -

It's an incredibly unsubtle allegory for my own experiences as an ace person in reality.

In this, Four as a person operates as a collective of the Colours; though each of them is an individual they contribute to the whole. They're always present, and Four as 'himself' is not a separate person. However, they're not 'out' to the Chain yet.

Each of the Colours is asexual, in a slightly different way:

Red is sex-repulsed. He dislikes sex and the sensations, and finds it unpleasant, uncomfortable, and gross.

Vio is sex indifferent to mildly repulsed. He's fairly neutral on the sensations, sliding towards the repulsed end of the scale; he finds it somewhere between annoying, unpleasant, and boring. Sometimes he finds a morbid sort of academic interest only to wind up grossing himself out.

Blue is severely sex repulsed. He viscerally dislikes the concept of sex, the sensations involved, and even the sensation of arousal - he finds the whole thing disgusting and horrifying and awful, and it makes him nauseous just thinking about it.

Green is sex favourable. He still doesn't experience sexual attraction, but he's the only one of the four who finds the associated sensations pleasant. Privately, he considers himself a little weird for it, and tries not to let on to the others that it bothers him, that he likes something they all consider something between ‘meh’ and ‘disgusting’.

All the above^? Is compounded by the fact that as Four, they're biologically an omega. Heats induce arousal and sexual interest - which three out of four of them actively dislike, and the fourth isn't actually all that interested in to boot. Add in the way it makes it hard to focus and think, and their 'collective' breaks down.

This is all made worse by the exploration of being transgender in an A/B/O verse - Red and Vio are omegas, and Blue and Green are alphas. So everyone feels wrong and horrible and wants to die whenever heats come around. They're constantly switching in and out of control, upset over the sensations, sick and miserable and horrified, fighting with each other and knowing the whole time they can't fix it and wanting it all to stop -

When I first designed this verse and got stuck into it, I wasn't diagnosed at the time, but it turns out I have quite severe PMDD, so I was most DEFINITELY projecting on Four. Regularly dealing with something that everyone else thinks is no big deal when it's literally a struggle not to go fetch a knife from the kitchen -?

In general, the verse looks at being ace in a world that has no concept of it, various forms of aphobia including in a medical setting, the difficulty of your own body betraying you and having literally no one who understands.

(Though at the very least, the Colours have each other.)

[no-te-lo-voy-a-dar]

I am here once again, bc I am having brainrots about the pack(TM) and I had to infect you with those thoughts as well. I am very sorry

So remember how the MCU's Doctor Strange got dropped into the a/b/o au/g&c verse? Cause now I'm thinking about the pack(TM) being dropped into the MCU- post Civil War or post AoU-

Just the thought of g&c Peter stiffening and snarling at MCU Tony who's just kinda lost bc the Peter in the MCU follows him like a little duckling- But this Peter is snarling and hissing, and there are these people are surrounding him, protecting him-And all these people are making weird, animalistic noises, chirping and cooing- making sounds that could not be made from human vocal cords-

All of them just don't smell right, or look right- The pack(TM)'s eyes glint golden sometimes, and sometimes they go to completely communicate in low growls and chirping- There's some hierarchy within the group, but none of the non-g&c characters can tell what it is-

The thought of Loki appearing before them, and the remainder/present Avengers getting out their weapons- and them knowing now that if Loki had really wanted to take over New York, he could have-

And Stephen Strange (pre-Multiverse), seeing the g&c version- with two formidable magic users-

And also, I want to see/write MCU Matt and Frank reacting to the g&c trio bc I think it'd be hilarious- Maybe after this meeting, MCU Matt checks up on his version of Spiderman and that cascades into Peter gaining a 'dad'-

I am rambling but I just wanted to bounce some ideas off of u, babe

yeeeeEEEEAAAH PACK THOUGHTS LET’S GOOOO please there’s no need to apologize

ohmygod the pack post Civil War in the MCU world would be such a fucking mess, although if they meet them post AoU i feel like things could have been better for the MCU group due scoldings of the Pack, so, for the sake of angst, let’s go with post Civil War (8

Tony would ABSOLUTELY think “oh they have a Peter too, this shit easy, watch me” and try to approach him all smiles and prancing around only to get a full on growl that sounds like a big dog about to bite his fingers off, but instead of launching at him, Peter curls around himself or steps closer to someone of The Pack, while the adult is most likely glaring at him. MCU Banner would definetly be fascinated by their bodies being capable of making such noises and would probably try to ask so many questions but R, Frank and Wanda do feel like it’s bordering on them being specimens or lab rats even if there’s no physical prodding so they answer very short and cut sentences until Banner gets the hint (NO WAIT, THIS BANNER IS ON FUCKING SPACE FIGHTING ON SKAAR LMAO, MAKE IT VISION THEN, AND RHODES THE ONE TO TELL HIM TO STOP jfc i forgot most of the lineups)

the idea that even non a/b/o world individuals can smell their scents is interesting, like its similar to how people get lingering smells after like, baking, or being near a bbq for half a day - the smell is faint if u don’t pay attention but it’s definetly there - the golden and flashing eyes is unsettling, to them all it screams wild magic rather than something else (perhaps Nat remembers MCU Loki’s blue eyes and how odd they looked) and the way they actually snarl and bare their sharper than theirs teeths? damn

Tony would probably make some comment about “oh, kinky” if/when he saw Matt’s bond marks and even tried to touch them and that results in a whole different mess of Matt being on top of Tony growling and no one from the Pack stopping him, ALL their eyes being golden and R and Frank are more like ready to ALSO jump Tony - it’s probably MCU’s Peter who stops the situation

ooooh, Pack Peter not knowing how to feel about MCU Peter,,,,

the Loki of The pack is very different and MCU people can tell it and yet they don’t trust them and are wary of them, and even if Loki is not affected Wanda and Stephen will cuddle their god and reassure him of how much they love her

MCU Stephen seeing a healtier version of his yet with more shaky hands and a softer look on his eyes despite the obvious maturity there - so many juxtapositions

okay but imagine the reason MCU Matt and Frank meet their Pack selves is because Pack Peter decided to follow MCU Peter and so Pack Matt and Frank are following him because “jfc this kID-” and end up finding their counterparts - who see them interact with Pack Peter and Matt wonders if his world’s Spiderman is the same as this Peter and so checks him out - tries to reach him...which is, harder, because this Peter is so blinded by his admiration of Tony...Homecoming would be different tho, now Peter knowing Daredevil has been trying to aid him and well...Tony took his suit, but there’s a whole mess to deal with, and Tony didn’t listen and maybe his other self was onto something....

have this wall of text back then úwú

[unloved-cadillac]

hc for shinso hitoshi with the shy Russian s/o from class 1-A

C/n: I love him so much it hurts. Thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

——————————————————————————

HCs on Hitoshi Shinso with a shy, Russian s/o.

Shinso first saw you at the sports festival.

You versed Uraraka and smiled the whole time.

When you were sure for an opening, you caused a massive amount of white roses to bloom and blinded/immobilized Uraraka. After your fight, the whole stadium was covered in beautiful flowers.

It bloomed by Shinso’s seat and he touched it softly. It was sparkling and beautiful. Just like you.

He was in awe the whole time of your fight. He swore he even heard you laugh once or twice.

Back at school, he sat with his friends as he saw you converse with the people from 1-A. From what he had heard, you were new. First appeared at the sport festival and took everyone by surprise.

For a while he watched you from afar. Until one day, his friends pestered him to just talk to you. And he did. Luckily for him you were with Deku, so he used that to his advantage.

“Hey, Midorya?” He calls. “Hm? Oh! Shinso. How are you?” Deku asks. “Good. Who’s this?” He asks looking at you.

“Oh! This is Y/n. She’s from Russia. Y/n, this is Shinso. He’s from 1-B.”

Russia?

The way you smiled at him made his heart feel all weird. But a good weird. “Hi, Shinso. I saw your fight. You’re really good!” You say and he blushes. “Thank you. I saw yours as well. I like your roses.”

This man loves your accent. And your eyes. Actually everything about you.

He loved flustering you mostly because of the way you reacted. Hiding your blush with your hair.

You really started to like Shinso. To the point where he allowed you to call him by his first name.

So you confessed by giving him a rose.

“I..like-like you, Hitoshi.”

God, could you get more adorable?

He kissed your nose that day.

The best part about your relationship was that you and him were ying and yang. Completely opposite.

You taught him Russian and now he makes fun of Bakugo with you.

“Honestly his hair looks like a porcupine.” Shinso says and looks at him. You tried not to laugh but you did and Bakugo got mad. “WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU 1-B LOSER?!” “What made you think I was talking about you?”

Overall, he’s hopelessly in love with you.

——————————————————————————

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

[fatesdeepdive]

Entry 11: Archduke Silly Bot

I built a new Mess Hall and Accessory Shop, but before I could play with them, my castle was attacked! By spooky ghost men from the Astral Plane I mean, I summoned them, but still, the castle is in danger. Fifteen enemies showed up to try and seize the fort. Lilith was supposed to help me fight, but just stayed in her pond and did nothing. Dumb fish.

The invaders were tough, but focused more on smashing stuff than killing my Units. Unfortunately, there was a casualty. Kenshi, our valiant POW who we force to serve as cannon fodder, was slain in battle. I mean, not really, because I’m playing Casual mode. Still, I renamed the castle Fort Kenshi in his honor.

The invasion gave me the points needed to build two new structures: the Rod Shop and the Smithy. The Mess Hall can be used to slightly boost unit stats for one battle. The Rod Shop can be used to buy various consumable items. Smithy can be used to reforge Weapons; for instance, I gave Kenshi a new bronze club called Kenshi’s Whacker. The Accessory shop can be used to buy and equip fun accessories, like the bath towel that is all Kenshi is allowed to wear.

Support: Jakob/Mozu

C: Jakob finds Mozu crying, because she had a nightmare about the death of her family, and comforts her.

B: Jakob tells Mozu that she is fortunate to have had something to lose; he explains his abusive childhood that ended with him being sold into servitude of the royal family and tells Mozu to hold onto her memories of her village.

A: Mozu begins training so she can be strong enough to protect everyone and thanks Jakob for looking out for her.

S: Jakob proposes to Mozu, asking her to help him create memories worth cherishing.

Review: This one was short, but good. It could have very easily just been a throwaway conversation about Jakob’s fanciness contrasting Mozu’s lack of sophistication. Instead, it was a genuinely touching conversation that expanded both characters and made me love Jakob even more.

Support: Orochi/Saizo

C: Orochi tells Saizo to stop being mean, because it’s ruining his reputation with the ladies, and threatens to take matters into her own hands.

B: Orochi reveals that when they first met, when Saizo was a child and she was...whatever age she was, she predicted misfortune in his future, which scared Saizo so much he wet his pants. She then reveals that she’s told everyone. Saizo runs away to salvage his reputation.

A: Saizo comes back, furious. Apparently, Orochi lied about telling everyone and Saizo, in his attempts to explain that he only peed his pants because he was a child, ended up spreading the story for her.

S: Saizo has turned over a new leaf and is trying to be nicer thanks to Orochi’s mind games. Orochi confesses that, when she fortolled misfortune in Saizo’s future, she must have actually been talking about his father. Because, as we all know, Saizo has not suffered any misfortune in his life. Also they get married.

Review: This one was decent. Saizo ignoring Orochi’s threats at first then ruining everything in his struggle to fix things is amusing, and the duo have better chemistry than most couples in this game.

Support: Azura/Corrin (Birthright)

Notice the Birthright parenthetical. Corrin and Azura, the main duo, actually have different conversations in different routes, which is neat.

C: Corrin and Azura take a walk together. Azura compares the nice day to Castle Shirasagi. She then apologizes for bringing up her childhood, which she feels belonged to Corrin.

B: Azura asks Corrin about her childhood and Corrin explains both the forced isolation and the constant companionship from Elise and the servants. Corrin actually says she misses the Northern Fortress.

A: Corrin and Azura reflect on their different opinions of Nohr: Azura’s feelings of it being the evil she escaped and Corrin’s of it being a home she misses. They discuss the fact that no place is truly good or bad, something the game’s writers needed to be reminded of, and vow to bring peace.

S: Corrin states that his good memories of Nohr all stem from kind people and vows to be that kind of person for her. The duo exchange some insanely on the nose promises about being fine in a dark pit if they’re together and their fates being intertwined. Now, this may feel like incest because they share parents and siblings, but I actually think this one is okay? As long as there isn’t some late game twist that makes them cousins or something, this seems good.

Review: Overall, a fairly good conversation. Corrin’s feelings on Nohr are more nuanced than this game normally is and the idea that Nohr isn’t evil because of the people is a good sentiment.

Support: Setsuna/Subaki

C: Subaki and Setsuna are assigned to train new recruits together. The new recruit is Kenshi, I have decided. Subaki, worried that Setsuna will be Setsuna and mess everything up, does everything himself.

B: Setsuna just wanders off in the middle of training new recruits and Subaki tries to help her be a better leader.

A: Setsuna attempts to resign from teaching, but Subaki tells her that her wandering off actually helped the recruits because she’s observant, I guess. Setsuna does not retire from teaching.

S: Setsuna tells Subaki that she likes him then wanders off because she’s done talking. Subaki chases after her and proposes.

Review: This one was mediocre. Setsuna is always fun, but this support conversation lacked a good conflict and was resolved in a dumb way. Setsuna wandering off in the middle of a confession is fun, but the relationship wasn’t built up at all.

Birthright Chapter 9: Land of Gods

The gang head to Izumo, a neutral kingdom south of Hoshido. The guards, recognizing Azura, let the party in. Corrin asks about the missing princes and is told no battle happened near Izumo. No war in Ba Sing Se and all that jazz. Archduke Izana approaches them, looking like a wise and calm leader. Then he talks and they realize that he’s a silly boy.

They ask him about the battle on the border of Izumo and he tells them he knows nothing about it. Izana invites the gang to rest and be treated by his healers. He also invites Corrin and Sakura to go to some special spa healing in his deep relaxation chamber which is absolutely not suspicious.

The deep relaxation chamber is an execution chamber. Nohrian soldiers march in to kill Corrin and Izana reveals that he is actually a Nohrian mage named Zola. His voice sounds like Gollum and he has this weird jester hat. I cannot wait for the part of the game where we kill him.

Right before Corrin is executed, half of the Nohrian soldiers attack the other half. It’s revealed the soldiers are actually our soldiers in disguise. Where they got the Nohrian costumes, I do not know. Maybe they looted them from some corpses? Also, how did they know this was happening? And how did they seamlessly blend into the Nohrian army? I have many questions.

Hinoka explains that she knew Zola wasn’t the real Izana because no royal would ever act like such a silly boy, because she has never read any history textbook. The battle begins.

Something I haven’t mentioned yet that I want to mention: if an enemy has a super effective weapon, a red balloon with an exclamation mark appears above them as you move your unit. Nice touch.

On turn two, two new characters march into battle: a Samurai named Hinata and a Spear Fighter named Oboro. The two of them are looking for Takumi. The two bicker. Hinata is an idiot and is thirsty for Takumi. Oboro fantasizes about killing all of the Nohrian scum and Hinata tells her to chill out. These two idiots are Takumi’s retainers. Corrin goes up to the duo and recruits them.

Hinata

A samurai and one of Takumi’s retainers. His personal skill, Triple Threat, hurts enemies who lower him below half health. His design is fine, I guess. I think they’re going for a meathead thing from his introduction and his scars and muscles, but he looks way too young. Personality wise, he seems to be kinda dumb, but not enough to be funny.

Oboro

A spear fighter who is really goddamn thirsty for Takumi and is also really racist. Her unit description is: Loves fashion, hates Nohr. Her personal skill makes her do extra damage to Nohrians, which is useful because we are at war with Nohr. Fates has a bad tendency of reducing characters to a single character trait and we’ve already been shown three traits for Oboro, which I assume will dominate every line she ever says. Seriously, we’ve known her for a minute and she’s said Nohrian Scum a dozen times.

This map was good. It was a standard fighting enemies in a castle map; nothing special, but then again it didn’t need to be special. After the battle, Zola says that he’d rather die than tell Corrin anything. He then throws a smokescreen and runs away, only to be attacked by Leo.

Leo says he’s going to kill Zola for being a disgrace to Nohr and Corrin says, no, don’t do that, don’t hurt another Nohrian. Except, Corrin has killed dozens of Nohrians at this point. Leo yells at Corrin for being a traitor and gives her Zola to keep as a pet. Corrin reflects on how Leo has gotten stronger, but also become more cruel, since her betrayal of Nohr.

The gang meets the real Izana. Yeah he’s every bit as weird and wacky as Zola was. He tells the gang about hearing that the princes were near the bottomless canyon and reads Corrin’s fortune. He sings the next verse of Ocean’s Grey Waves, implying that this song is genuinely a prophecy about this game.

In the white light, a hand reaches through

A double-edged blade cuts your heart in two

Waking dreams fade away,

Embrace the brand-new day

So, let’s see. First off, a lot of imagery about light, which is Hoshido’s aesthetic. Not sure what verse one means, but verse two is some heavy foreshadowing for Chapter 26. I’ll talk about it more then. Verses three and four are about Corrin leaving the fake life in Nohr and returning to Hoshido. Probably.

Azana also predicts that the princes are both alright, so the gang heads off to find them. That night, Azura talks to Corrin about the prophecy, saying that it is the lyrics to a song she was taught as a child that now seems to be about Corrin.

[river--glass]

Reylo Fic Recommendations: Monster Edition

In honor of Spooky Season, I wanted to make a list of fics in which one or both of them are more than human. Cryptids and creatures and monsters galore. (This one is for you, monsterfuckers.)

Demons

Count the Rings by Lachesisgrimm (olga_theodora). (E, Modern, 63K) When camping with her friends, Rey jokingly decides to marry a tree thats rumored to hold the spirit of a trapped man. Spoiler alert, the legends were true. Featuring accidental marriage, demon deals, and soft soft demon Ben. Sure there’s some angst and danger but this is mostly sweet and wonderful and Rey having dreams come true.

The Hand That Feeds by persimmone. (E, Victorian, 46K) Rey has managed to avoid unwanted male attention for thirty years, until the opening of a mysterious artifact burdens her with an accidental husband. Luckily, her new consort is not the average man. Or better, he's not... human. Featuring eldritch abomination Kylo who is so sweetly in awe and reverent of human Rey despite being powerful and older than the universe. And who also has... a tentacle form.

All The Ashes by neonheartbeat. (E, Modern, 37K) Rey, living in a terrible Brooklyn apartment and desperate to escape, posts a Craiglist ad as a half-joke seeking a marriage of convenience to just get the hell out of the country. It's unexpectedly answered by a mysterious Romanian count. Featuring soft monster Kylo, good friend Hux, and beauty and the beast elements. I loved this soft Kylo and thirsty Rey.

I Will Always Find You by kuresoto. (E, Modern, 24K) Featuring Lilith!Rey and Lucifer!Kylo. I love this. They fuck like monsters (and as monsters!) and Rey is the queen of hell and they're so viciously in love. Read It!!

Deliciously by @secretreylotrash. (E, Colonial, 18K) Puritan/Salem Witch Trials/The VVitch Inspired. Witches, demon Kylo, orgies, death... This was WILD.

The Devil’s Lucky Number by Avdal. (E, Modern, 10K) Pure smut. Demon Kylo shows up out of the blue for the sole purpose of making rey orgasm. It’s what she deserves.

The Devil You Know by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 10K) In which Ben finds out the hard way that he shouldn’t play with old magic. AKA, lucky bastard dumb college student Ben accidentally summons himself a succubus girlfriend.

The Demon Within Me by Avdal. (E, Modern, 8K) Shameless demon Kylo smut.

Come To Me In The Clearing And There We Shall Dance by QueenOfCarrotFlowers @leofgyth . (E, 1600′s, 5K) She had been hoping he would find her - her only friend. Kylo. She supposes he’s a demon, or a devil, or one of the heathen gods, but she's never worked up the nerve to ask him and he has not volunteered that information.

Proposal by AKyloDarkly. (E, 4K) Lilith!Rey and Lucifer!Kylo.

Mercy by bunilicious. (E, Victorian, 3K) A Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/Demon AU. AKA, Rey is thirsty for her demon husband and refuses to wait any longer.

Mothman/Mothlo

For Love of a Flame by thewayofthetrashcompactor. (E, Fantasy, 8K) The shadowy Order has advanced across the forest, bringing darkness in their wake. Rey is hungry and desperate, willing to face the Order themselves to steal back what they've taken from the land. What she finds there is not what she expects. Fairies/mothpeople! Weird! I’m into it!

Drawn to the Light of Your Burning Sorrows by Kyriadamorte. (M, Modern, 7K) Mothman Ben! Curious outcast Rey! This was the first mothlo fic I ever saw. Me when I saw this fic: Mothlo? Mothman Reylo?? God and Ryan Johnson have truly abandoned this fandom. Me after this fic: Mothman Kylo is the best boy and bring on the cryptids.

Macrolepidoptera by ceciliasheplin. (E, Modern, 3K) Rey runs after her Mothman to show him how much she loves him. Nothing like a 3K word fic that hits you in the feels at the same time that it’s giving you mothman smut filth. This fandom is magical.

Nature Spirits

Oh Autumn, Oh Teakettle, Oh Grace by diasterisms. (E, Modern, 31K) Ben Solo didn’t believe in dryads, until one snagged his coats and freed herself. She’s pure bliss and magic and he is captivated. If she has to go 2000 miles back to her tree, he might as well drive her there. Dryad Rey/smitten human Ben road trip! What a lovely fic!

Looking For a Breath of Life by Fighter_for_Solo. (T, Fantasy, 18K) Featuring Elf Prince Ben and human hunter Rey! A really delightful story.

I met you once — ( In a dream ) by persopilliankore. (E, Fantasy, 10K). Where Ben and Rey are soulmates and Ben is more than meets the eye.

Fearless by KyloTrashForever. (E, Fantasy, 6K) Featuring tree Ent Kylo and the softest tentacle porn you’ll ever read.

Sea Creatures. Mermaids, Selkies, OctaKylo, oh my!

Beyond the Veil by dachenbritta. (M, Modern, 40K). Deep within the waters of the Oregon coast, a lone mermaid longs for the man she's watched for years. Her wish of joining him comes true but comes at a cost. This was hilarious and emotional and such a great read.

Sirens by SageMcMage. (E, Fantasy, 21K) In which Merman Ben tries to woo Mermaid Rey by little gifts on her doorstep. Adorable! 

Yn Beisht Kione by Melusine11 @hellomelusine . (E, Modern, 5K) They say a beast roams the sea. Protecting a treasure long hidden in the Headland's caves. Some say it is the soul of a man killed by pirates to protect that treasure. Sailors have been known to throw casks of rum at the beast in the hopes of placating it, so they don't get eaten and can pass in peace. Most people though, don't believe he exists, and Rey is about to find out how wrong they all are.

I Found You by Kyoloren. (T, Fantasy, 5K) In which scavenger mermaid Rey finds a strange black T-shaped object in her waters on Kef Bir and is determined to return it to its owner. Mermaid Rey!Cute little fish people soulmates!

Octopussy by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 5K) Three brothers at the beach plus one horny sea monster equals a lot of holes being filled. Smutty monster filth, no need to look for a deeper meaning than that. You like tentacle porn? Here ya go.

Live by the Sea, Love by the Tide by Twin_Kitten. (E, Fantasy, 4K) Rey and a few other mermaids escape the clutches of Unkar, and stumble into the territory of another pod of mermaids. Ben's pod. Soft caretaking mermaid Ben!

Where the Blue of the Sea Meets the Sky by HarpiaHarpyja @thisgarbagepicker . (T-E, Fantasy) A Short delightful little series featuring Selkie Ben and explorer Rey! I seriously cannot say enough good things about this author, do yourself a favor and go read EVERYTHING she’s ever written.

Tentacle Dick (that’s it that’s the plot)

Damnably Unbecoming by cuddlesome. (E, Canon-verse crack, 5K)

Froot (i've been saving all my summers for you) by kuresoto. (E, Canon-verse crack, 4K)

Vampires

In The Dark by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 44K) A Dark Shadows AU!! It’s not “finished”, but it ends well where it is! Featuring vampire Ben who is very sorry about drinking blood and human Rey who is even thirstier than he is.

A Little Death (Goes a Long Way) by crossingwinter. (E, Modern, 23K) A Vampire & A/B/O AU. Weird and dark but I am here for it.

The Lioness by Lilia_ula. (E, Fantasy, 13K) Rey goes bravely to her death after being chosen as the village sacrifice, but upon meeting the beast things don’t go as planned. I love to see Reylo fics where they both revel in who they are and what they are together. Fascinating.

Beneath the Pale Moonlight by bunilicious. (E, Historical Recency, 15K) A fluffy fic about vampire Ben falling hard for Rey! 

The Curious Case of the Aquarist and the Vanishing Walrus by radioactivesaltghoul. (T, Modern, 6K) Rey loves spending time in the walrus enclosure at the aquarium she works at.Ben is a vampire with an unusual ability. This is bizarre and wonderful and just such a fun read. I think about this fic daily.

Werewolves

we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves) by crossingwinter. (E, Fantasy, 32K) A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.

Howl by monsterleadmehome. (E, modern, 2K) When Ben Solo is trying to earn Eagle Scout status, he spends a night alone in the woods. A chance encounter with a werewolf girl named Rey leaves an impression. Ten years later, he runs into her again and this time, they're all grown up.

[unsettledink]

Instead of thirty asks:

So @the-faultofdaedalus had a bunch of posts about ABO and genetics and how things might be able to function and ending up with some really interesting stuff about types beyond alpha/beta/omega (which I will totally end up playing with in a fic at some point because COOL).

And that sparked off a bunch of ABO related thoughts in my head. A... bunch. So I'm putting them all in one hopefully easy to ignore post if you are not into ABO at all. It's probably a little disjointed – none of this is stuff I've thought at length about, just sort of gone BUT WHAT IF??? I tend to veer more into the societal stuff because I know nothing about genetics and if I spend too long thinking about world details I never get anything written, BUT I STILL THINK THEM.

Interestingly enough I used to not be into it much? And I think I'm still not into the older classic stuff – I will literally run from anything that had mpreg in it 99% of the time. I also get really annoyed at the tendency to always make characters of certain builds/ages/attitudes one type.

But I really, really like ABO because of all the opportunities. So many! It's one of those things where you can go as much or as little into the worldbuilding as you want, in pretty much any direction. I think that's just so cool. Pretty much every single one of my ABO's has been a different 'type' of ABO (oh shit how many are there anyway? 10?? Well fuck.).

So!

A lot of this may make even less sense if you haven't read their posts because it's in re: to things they bring up. Also how much do I miss LJ and threaded comments right now? An obscene amount.

Thoughts more along the 'shit genetics can do' side and as you go down they slide more into the cultural/social/mind fuckery stuff:

(Also I know very very little about anything re: genetics.)

what if there's some sort of pattern/color type thing, like color morphs in reptiles, or heat sensitive color points like in cats and such?

uhhh I don't remember if it's like, lizards or fish or something, but the ones that change sex if there isn't enough of the type needed? What if that's a thing certain subtypes could do? Would it be controllable to any degree, or makes things wild in terms of types associating with each other? On the horror end, what if it's something that can be forced?

Hair? Facial hair things?? Body hair things??? Pattern baldness and the like????

ok yes so classic ABO = canine traits. And I've totally seen some different takes but I always want more. What about feline based? Or reptile? Or bird?? Some kind of insect hive/colony type thing????

WHAT IF SOME TYPES FLOURESCE?? and only certain other types can see it and I just find the idea of distinct type markers that only a percentage of the population can see really fascinating. Underground clubs with lights so everyone can see, testing people by shining a light on them, people faking it...

P H O T O S Y N T H E S I Z I N G??? Look I don't know there wasn't much thought associated with that. But like, we already have huge problems when we don't get enough sun, what if it was something even more dramatic and literal? Anyone seen Farscape?

Re: terrible cooks – what if some subtypes straight up can't taste a whole 'taste'? Like – don't have sweet receptors and have all kinds of issues with 'normal' food and wf is up with the other subtypes and their love of desserts??

they also touched on it briefly but seriously, all the even crazier food intolerances and allergies and things that would just be utterly toxic to one group?

re: two nips=1 bb, what if there are large litters but there's something more like an insect hive structure? Or 'pack' communal type thing, a good family has an omega + alpha + other, omega has the litter and the non alpha is able to nurse as well??

POUCHES. Marsupial style or seahorse. Just. Pouches.

multiple sperm donors in one litter and the possibility of not even knowing it, some sort of shenanigans with what types can get who pregnant and carryover from who they had sex with before the person pregnant and people doing this intentionally as a sort of surrogacy thing even?

Literal eggs?? EGGS?? soft shell eggs???

why are omegas so frequently the tiiiiiny ones? (I mean I know why and I don't like it.) But aren't most young bearing larger than males? If omega is for babies, then shouldn't they be built for it? And how might that affect subtypes?

advantages/disadvantages physically due to genetics and 'hidden' beta typing in regard to sports or fine motor skills or art (seeing/hearing more/less than other types?)

maybe the 'alpha voice' stuff could be attributed to some types able to hear different frequencies or tones/sub harmonics or/and alphas/maybe a type betas being able to produce different sounds and why? Vocal cord stuff????

seeing further into either end of the spectrum for certain types? Something creepy advantage heat and fertility/pregnancy related, being able to look and *know* and how that's changed in more modern times – could it be a career? Considered super rude? Hipaa violation?

re: leftover traits – things like third eyelids or shiny at night eye thing for certain types and various cosmetic alterations as those things go in and out of vogue

re: medical variation like blood typing – organs not being compatible or even in different places due to wtf omegas have going on in there

re: dogs are horror to wolves – what if even the nulls are NOT HUMAN. There actually are just like true standard humans and like, aside from genetically there's next to no difference between them and nulls though it's more visible differences with standard vs a/o? Something about the purpose behind omegas because they are the only link that can properly/safely interbreed and/or produce non sterile offspring? Or maybe standard and a/b can mate but they only produce nulls or standards or sterile like mules??

what if a/o ISN'T rare? If that's the norm and betas are the rare ones and sort of seen as residual hanger ons since they don't have whatever advantages omegas/alphas have? After all, what advantage does a beta have over an omega? The societal aspect of risk if all can interbreed and like, does an a risk mating with a b and risk having a null? Or knowing they can only have a b?

Trickier and could come off really poorly, but how might being trans function with so many types and the additional divide of sex/gender/secondary sex? What the hell might hormone therapy or surgery or transition in a scent based society be like??

and intersex? Like especially if you've got limited grasp on genetics and then you have these typed betas who aren't recognized that way, what about the people who don't fit even on that spectrum?

and sexual identities! The possibility of like, some groups being much more likely to lean in one direction or another and some of it due to not understood sub beta types and that complexity. Just the complexity of interest at all with a whole third factor added in!

horror aspect if m/f can be determined before birth but not a/b/o status, if there are actual environmental factors like TSD that could change that and people trying to ensure they have x type? All omegas are allergic to peppermint so if you eat peppermint your whole pregnancy you won't have an omega or some shit. Does an of it work or is it all old wives tales? D: D: D: D: (as much as I really prefer to write ABO's where things are more equal because of it, I read a lot more of the uglier verses where everything is worse)

Bonding???? how could it be an actual physical genetic thing and the differences across types and who can bond with who and why and are only certain types able to initiate/accept it and the whole fascinating culture stuff from THAT

and then the bonds that are of the mental type, either some sort of emotion/pain/thought sensing that's limited or full on sharing, how each type could differ and maybe only certain types could be broken or certain types are able to have them with multiple people/types??

formation of bonds and what environmental factors exist and what genetic and things like forcibly separating before x amount of time is tantamount to torture or ruining a bond that can't be fully stable/broken and fixed?

the scent stuff – beyond the whole 'smell like strawberries/whatever' the stuff about smelling emotional states and types that are able to smell that or not, hormonal based scent changes are super common but also one of the slightly more plausible things? Are certain types with sensitivities to different types of smells prone to go into certain fields because of it?

More scent stuff – things about your scents that are influenced by origin/area growing up in. that you can acquire a 'type' or base of scent that is hard to get rid of or change for a lot of people and is often obvious but indistinct. Like accents? And then the people who are REALLY GOOD at changing it.

i fucking love the typed jewelry trope (lol hit me up for a whole other post JUST about that) and even more when it's not just 'pretty showing off socially' but actually has some sort of biological effect but then why? Weird metal imbalance lol? Typed betas more vulnerable to that as well as full types and cultural stuff about that?

wtf family groups I mean. Possibilities of more than two genetic donors and paternity and custody and filling out demographic info on forms ahahahaha oh god

the whole more sensitive to smells – the hilarity of like, sending strongly scented flowers to an omega as an insult. To one type, that floral delivery is romantic, to another it's a giant 'fuck you' from an ex.

Yes I might have a problem ok.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/02/2021 (Digga D, AJ Tracey, Cardi B)

It’s not as big of a week as it is just a confusing one, so there’s no pre-amble. Olivia Rodrigo spends a fifth week at #1 with “drivers license” and let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

I started writing this a bit later than usual so I just want to rush through most of what’s here. The songs dropping out of the UK Top 75 are either debuts from not long ago like “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone featuring Chip and “Lo Vas A Olvidar” by Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA, or songs that have been here for a while, like “Monster”  by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper and “Dynamite” by BTS. We even have some #1 hits dropping out of the Top 75 this week, like “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion and “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. In terms of fallers, we have, seemingly, some of the older Winter cuts being replaced, as we see “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix getting a harsh streaming cut down to #30,  “Whoopty” by CJ down to #33, “Levitating” by Dua Lipa and remixed by DaBaby down to #34 (although this could rebound given the album release), “you broke me first” by Tate McRae at #37, “SO DONE” by The Kid YAOI at #57, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #61, “Looking for Me” by Diplo, Paul Woodford and Kareen Lomax at #62, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur at #63, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #64, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo at #65, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #68, “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi at #72 and “Golden” by Harry Styles at #73, as well as some more recent debuts, including the entirety of Fredo’s album impact from last week, as “Money Talks” with Dave is at #11, “Ready” with Summer Walker at #31 and “Burner on Deck” with Young Adz and the late Pop Smoke at #32. “Skin” by Sabrina Carpenter and “Apricots”  by Bicep aren’t faring that well either, at #51 and #56 respectively. When I said these songs are being replaced, I wasn’t overestimating anything as we have our new crop of hits seemingly all surging, as “Martin & Gina” by Polo G is at #54, “Be the One” by Rudimental, MORGAN, TIKE and Digga D is at #49, “Best Friend” by Saweetie featuring Doja Cat is at #42, “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max is at #35, “Love Not War (The Tampa Beat)” by Jason Derulo and Nuka is at #27, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals is at #24, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S is at #23 (it’s honestly starting to grow on me), and “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd is somehow back up to #20. Speaking of the top 20, we also have “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman dopamine re-editing itself up to #16, “Save Your Tears” also by the Weeknd at #15, and two new top 10 hits, both songs with basically the same chart run and genre. “Goosebumps” by Travis Scott, remixed by HVME, remixed by Travis Scott is at #10, becoming HVME’s first and Travis’ fourth top 10 hit here in Britain. We also have “The Business” by Tiesto grooving up to #7, becoming Tiesto’s fourth top 10 hit. I honestly feel bad for the still completely uncredited vocalist. We also have a third new top 10 entry but that’s a debut that we can discuss later. I should also note that “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek is back at #74, and a winning Eurovision song, “Arcade”, by Dutch singer Duncan Lawrence is also back at #39 off of the back of some TikTok traction. I think this is the most streamed Eurovision now – I’d watch out for this being a big hit. Welp, time to get into our really, and I mean REALLY, varied and weird crop of new arrivals, starting with...

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Roadtrip” – Dream and PmBata

Produced by Banrisk and Perish Beats

Okay, so this is a song by Minecraft YouTuber Dream, or at least that’s who I think he is. I think there was some kind of scandal related to him, and a couple people got involved and someone got doxed... listen, I don’t care. Not only is this song really not worthy of reviewing on the principle that unlike Wilbur Soot a couple weeks ago, Dream has never been a musician, which is clear from how involved no-name singer PmBata was in this, but I care for my private information not being made public so... What ridiculous excuse do I have to not review this? Okay, 1997 reggae-rock classic “Doin’ Time” by Sublime returns to #75 after Boris Johnson made a TikTok in the Houses of Parliament where he says “Pogchamp, Brexiteers, I just got tested for COVID-19” with the song in the background, and Joe Biden is on a Zoom call with him a few seconds later visibly annoyed because he prefers the New Radicals. Sure, let’s go with that. What was this entry about again?

#71 – “Goodbye” – Imanbek and Goodboys

Produced by Joris Mur, Imanbek and Goodboys

Everyone’s favourite Kazakh house producer Imanbek is finally back on the charts with his collaboration with British pop trio Goodboys, who you may know from their carbon-copy hits made with MEDUZA. After listening to that EP he made with Rita Ora, I’m slightly less impressed with Imanbek’s production, but that EP’s impact, if any, will be seen when the lead single featuring David Guetta and Gunna debuts low next week. Yes, seriously, all four on the same track. Anyway, this song, “Goodbye”, is actually pretty okay, with a generic deep house groove and fake hand-clap effectively saved by the Goodboys’ really intriguing vocal delivery and processing, which ends up in a Travis Scott-like Auto-Tune harmony that’s honestly pretty endearing right before the anti-climactic slap-house drop. The song’s lyrical content probably isn’t worth talking about, but it’s about a generic struggle with a break-up, and how hard it is for one of these good boys to say good bye. The build-up with the pre-chorus before the blue-balls second drop is kind of genius, and that’s probably my favourite part of the song outside of the abrupt vocaloid drop at the end. For what it’s worth, it takes more risks than most of these house-pop songs, most notably by having only a single verse in the middle of the song, and being really short, clocking in at less than two and a half minutes. It’s not as infectious as “Piece of Your Heart”, but this is fine. I’m glad it’s here if it’s going to give Imanbek another non-Rita Ora-assisted hit.

#60 – “Little Bit of Love” – Tom Grennan

Produced by Jamie Scott, LOSTBOY and Daniel Bryer

Tom Grennan is an English singer-songwriter who released their debut record in 2016 and was crowned by the BBC as the “Sound of 2017”, before dropping off the face of the Earth. He was brought to fame by a guest feature on a Chase & Status song that didn’t even do that well and now he’s back with the lead single from his upcoming sophomore effort, and his highest ever charting song. Well, is it any good? I mean, I like OneRepublic too. The rising strings here in the intro and chorus are pretty cool, and I’ll give it to Grennan for having an interesting voice but the odd level of grit in it does not fit well for this plastic production, which quickly devolves into vaguely danceable synth-mess that’s just not interesting. The content is mostly about unconditional love, particularly one that feels not particularly reciprocated, although some of the detail in the second verse feels like it’s going somewhere. I’ll admit, the chorus is catchy, but this mix puts way too much emphasis on a flawed vocal take from Grennan, which really detracts from the pathetic excuse for a bridge. I do enjoy how this feels like a flash-back to the mid-2010s, where happier, synth-based pop was this prominent, and I do love how the strings come back in the outro, but good production can’t do much to save a song that just feels under-cooked and definitely under-written. The OneRepublic comparison feels particularly fitting here too because their stuff tends to be just as stagnant, not to mention the lyrical riffs off of “Counting Stars”. I mean, when you start your first verse – in the first 10 or so seconds of the track – with the most recognisable part of a very recognisable song, I think Ryan Tedder deserves at least some royalties.

#58 – “Astronaut in the Ocean” – Masked Wolf

Produced by Tyron Hapi

Masked Wolf is an Australian singer and this song is actually from June 2019, just gaining enough traction, presumably off of TikTok, to debut on the charts this week. The song got a 2021 reissue and I assume a remix and, well... for God’s sake. The Kid LAROI should not have been an entry point for Australian trap, because outside of a second or two of distortion in the intro, this is far from unique. It has a guitar-based trap instrumental with dark 808s that even Gunna would pass up on, and an Auto-Tuned delivery from Masked Wolf, clearly trying too hard to replicate Drake in the intro and bridge, Kid Cudi in the chorus, G-Eazy in the first verse, Eminem AND Kendrick on the second verse, to the point where he even directly references Kendrick Lamar’s much better music. He suffers from the same problems as all of these artists combined, with lyrics that seem like they’re building up off of something interesting about depression before going into aimless flexing like a mid-tier Kid Cudi track, flows that sound as meandering and checked-out as Drake’s, the failed attempt at some kind of white-boy swagger that G-Eazy hasn’t pulled off successfully since 2016, the substance-less content hidden behind fast flows from Eminem and... oh, my God, this guy’s just like Australian Logic. I don’t like American Logic, why do we need this guy too? Yeah, this is bad, and there’s not much worth nitpicking in this mix or even the lyrics to even point out. I guess the worst bar is when he says he believes in G-O-D but not a T-H-O-T. So he’s a slut-shaming NF now? Jesus Christ, I’d take a full album from The Kid LAROI over this.

So the next two songs are ones I’ll actually need to somewhat lump together, as they are consecutive on the chart and both from the same album, and the same washed-up band.

#53 – “Waiting on a War” – Foo Fighters

Produced by Greg Kurstin

We have two songs from Dave Grohl and friends here from their latest album, Medicine at Midnight, technically three if we count the entire top 100, which means, yes, the UK just had a Foo Fighters album bomb. I’ll focus on the album as a whole with the next song because this is easily the worse track here and the worst track on the album purely out of how misguided it is. Dave Grohl wrote this song because he felt inspired by the current hell-scape of the political climate, reminding him of his own youth when he was surrounded by rising Cold War tensions. His young daughter asked him if there was going to be a war and naturally this song came out of it, reflecting on the fears he and his daughter have and that everyone deserves a future and a lifetime not taken away from them by conflict and fear. This is a good song idea but it absolutely does not work, and that’s partially down to the production. When I first heard this track on the album, I genuinely grimaced at the vocoder-mumble that Grohl takes on against the scratchy acoustic guitars. The whole point of the instrumentation is that it builds tension with rising strings, multi-tracked acoustics and eventually some electric guitars and powerful drums, yet because of how slow-paced the song is, it fails to mirror the rising tension of the prospect of there being a war. Instead, it’s a slog and its pay-off by the end feels unwarranted in the most boring way. Sure, the squeals of the guitars in the back of the mix sound good, but surely a song like this should not end like any of the Foo Fighters’ other pop-rock anthems, especially not as abruptly as it does. Wouldn’t you want a more subdued outro to comfort your daughter’s fears that at least right now, everything’s okay? That would make the most sense to me, but that’s thrown out of the window, with pathetic songwriting, with verses that play word association with the blandest of rhymes, seemingly irrelevant pop-song-generator filer and a chorus that is mind-numbingly repetitive but ultimately fails to build tension because of the content asking us to wait, constantly, even when it gets into its heavier rock tone. We’re supposed to wait for something that is only implied to never come, because there isn’t finality. Sure, that could work as a way of saying that Grohl is just as uncertain and scared as his daughter is about political conflict, but that would imply this song gives off any further emotion than the fact the Foo Fighters felt the need to cut a vaguely political track out of necessity. As a song, and as an album, Dave Grohl is utterly confused, and “Waiting on a War” is way too slow and non-specific to act as a protest song, as well as being way too on-the-nose for it to work as a ballad. Let’s talk about this next single.

#52 – “Making a Fire” – Foo Fighters

Produced by Greg Kurstin

What the hell is Greg Kurstin doing here? This is the first track on the album and is supposed to make some kind of gripping impact but is instead just a snoozefest. The choral female vocals sound bored, but at least it’s not as strained as the struggling Dave Grohl trying and failing to yelp over a stiff groove which has its momentum killed by drumming too slow and mixed too oddly to make this pre-chorus even coherent, not helped by Grohl’s butt-rock delivery and non-descript lyrics. There could be a guitar solo here, to make this track feel memorable, but no, it’s hidden under a pre-chorus with an extended gospel bridge that doesn’t build up effectively to a chorus that just comes crashing in and hence has no effect. Maybe I just can’t listen to arena  rock in a quarantine context, but I can’t even imagine this making much of a fuss in a packed stadium without desperately needing tweaks in the songwriting and especially the production, because this just sounds stunted. It’s telling that Grohl made his best tracks as the Foo Fighters on his own and those first two records, alongside a pretty decent 2014 comeback in the form of Sonic Highways, are still great. I’m not denying that Grohl can write a good song, or that the Food Figures can’t play, because they’re all talented guys. This is just one album in many that leaves me with the feeling that these guys just can’t do much more outside of their comfort zone than fail miserably. These songs won’t stick around, and thank God for that.

#50 – “Believe Me” – Navos

Produced by Tom Demac and Navos

Another week, another... okay, but we already had a generic pop-infused deep house track from a couple EDM randos, do we really need another? Okay, well, this one is even less interesting than Imanbek’s effort as it doesn’t even try for a verse, instead going for a deep house groove I’ve heard countless times before, drowned out by some square synths and, yes, you guessed it, 90s piano loops and an uncredited female vocalist repeating basically the same couple lines over and over. This is made for the clubs, but I feel like even regular club-goers would tire of this vocaloid drop and cloudy production two minutes in. There’s nothing worth discussing here, because this probably took as many minutes to make as it did to listen to. I have no idea why Navos debuts a song so high, but I’ve got to assume TikTok’s to blame. Apparently this guy makes tech house, where’d any of that skill or intrigue go here?

#21 – “Up” – Cardi B

Produced by Sean Island, DJ SwanQo and Yung Dza

Anyone else surprised at how such a big name gets production from people I’ve never heard of before? Not that it matters, it’s just odd. Anyways, this is Cardi’s new single, presumably from that ever-elusive second album, debuting around 20 spots lower than it will in the US, and it’s going for a more gangsta-rap content than the hyper-sexual “WAP”, but does she keep the same energy? Well, yes... in fact, after all the mediocrity, I’m glad to have a genuinely great song debut this week. This is a great, bass-heavy beat that gives a Memphis phonk feel in the dark keys as well as the hard-hitting 808s and spacey percs and sound effects that add some needed distortion, even if there’s going to be some brief clipping along the way. Cardi brings some necessary energy from the brilliant opening lyrics and continues with a fast-paced, chanting flow that accentuates some of her funnier lyrics with her charisma that she always brings to a trap track like this. I’d say that this is maybe too repetitive – with very little of the verses to speak of – or even somewhat derivative of her previous song, “Money”, but there’s a lot better lyrical content in this one, not to mention how well she complements a more straight-forward but still killer beat. Oh, yeah, and Cardi’s stacks are Shaq-height as she dismisses haters with an impressive level of swagger and confidence, that carries the refrain, but that’s not to say the lyrics aren’t really great in the verses. There’s genuinely funny and sexy wordplay here, especially in the second verse, and also some great liners: “hoes speakin’ cap-anese”, accusing her haters of having pink-eye and their breath smelling like “horse sex”. This is a short, probably underdeveloped song, but it’s the type of surreal, high-energy trap I kind of really love and I hope this sticks around further in the UK.

#19 – “Latest Trends” – A1 x J1

Produced by ShoBeatz

A1 x J1 are a British rap duo with no other songs. Yeah, something’s fishy here: this is their only song on Spotify that blew up from a 15-second clip on TikTok, and their Spotify bio is trying to decide whether they’re the next D-Block Europe or the Beatles, as well as really emphasising how the song grew “all organically”, even though they’re already signed to Universal... yeah, there’s nothing subtle here, so I won’t buy this TikTok fame schtick, but does it matter when the song is good? Well, not really, and honestly, I’m kind of into this guitar-based drill-R&B fusion in the beat, but it doesn’t really help the fact that J1’s Stormzy impression is janky and unconvincing, especially if he’s going to try for some shallow wordplay, and that A1’s Auto-Tuned croon is just boring, reminding me a lot of A Boogie wit da Hoodie, but with a less recognisable voice and delivery, even if the first verse contains a funny line about a woman making that ass clap “for the NHS”, although he totally took that from Swarmz anyway. Yeah, I’m not a fan of this fake attempt at an organic pop-drill crossover, but unfortunately, I can very much see this working, though I’d be happy if the British public will see through this dishonesty as soon as possible.

#5 – “Bringing it Back” – Digga D and AJ Tracey

Produced by TheElements and AoD

Now for a rap duo that makes more sense to debut this high and are actually, you know, separately successful rappers, therefore they debut in the top five, which is impressive. The whole concept of this song is that Digga D and AJ Tracey are using old flows, those that would be nostalgic to their deeper fan base, to spit bars on a new track called, fittingly “Bringing it Back”. The flow AJ Tracey brings back is from his overlong “Packages” freestyle, a five-minute track from 2016, that works more as a freestyle than it does as a song, where he uses a familiar UK drill flow to go off for a really long time, and, yes, it is pretty impressive but the flow becomes stale too quickly. Digga D uses his flow from his “Next Up?” freestyle from 2017, a similarly badly-mixed UK drill freestyle but with a much more palatable length. Digga D’s flow he uses in that track is arguably slicker but honestly one that I see used a lot in UK drill and by Digga D, so I’m not sure it’s not worth “bringing it back” when you could come up with a new, catchier flow. I’ll admit that “Bringing it Back”, however, is a pretty damn good song, with Digga D’s more technical and fluid flow allowing for a lot more intricate internal rhymes that sound really great over the triumphant, string-heavy drill beat, as he trades bars with AJ Tracey’s slower but more confident, laid-back flow, which allows him to spit some more specific, interesting bars, some of which really hit, like when he says he “locked up the food for the kids like Boris and then I let it go like Rashford”. Hey, I respect it, I haven’t heard a more clever way of intertwining political commentary with cocaine smuggling since Pusha T last released a record. The way AJ Tracey and Digga D play off of each other’s lines is really smooth, and especially how Digga D plays with the beat, as while his lyrics may be less interesting, they mash perfectly with the beat’s frantic fades in and out, especially in his last lines before the first chorus, where he asks for the track to literally be turned off... and it is. So, yeah, I’m pretty damn happy with this debuting so high off the energy alone, even if Digga D is going to pronounce “LOL” like a one-syllable word. I’d say this is actually a really good starting point for people who want to get into more UK drill because it has a lot of the grit and menace of the genre in a more accessible, catchy form, even if it may run a bit too long for my taste.

Conclusion

Wow, what a weird, weird week... and a lot of it was straight garbage. I’m giving Best of the Week to “Up” by Cardi B, with an Honourable Mention to Digga D and AJ Tracey for “Bringing it Back”, though Worst of the Week is pretty much a toss-up. I’ll give it to the Foo Fighters for “Waiting on a War”, with a Dishonourable Mention tied between “Astronaut in the Ocean” by Masked Wolf and “Believe Me” by Navos for just both being worthless. Anyways, here’s our top 10:

The UK Singles Chart is honestly kind of chaotic right now – even more so than usual – and I don’t see that changing. Even if I don’t like all of the songs, it’s at least compelling. Anyways, thank you for reading and you can follow me @cactusinthebank on Twitter if you want. I can’t really make any predictions for next week other than Taylor Swift re-recording her own music and I guess some impact from Rita Ora and Imanbek, or hopefully, slowthai. Regardless of what happens, I’ll see you next week!

[ultravioletsoul]

Virgo Shaka x Reader - N/S/F/W Alphabet

Oh dear lawd, I’ve always found it a little (ok, terribly) difficult to imagine Shaka of all people in a romantic relationship. Out of the twelve gold saints, he’s probably the least likely to be in one. It was already too much effort for my brain to picture him holding hands with anyone, let alone expressing any interest in doing the do, but here I am… writing an adult post about him. 

I need to clarify that these headcanons are about Shaka post the Twelve Houses story arc. Honestly, he would have zero interest in anyone before that since he was a little of an arrogant and vain jerk or, if he did, he would be too proud to admit it because how can a god-like figure like him feel that way?? Ludicrous!

Anyways, yes, after the fight with Ikki (what an absolute mad lad that guy is, bless him), Shaka would be more open to the idea of a romantic relationship but I still feel it’d happen under some special circumstances. And he’s going to be a peculiar boyfriend.

This is a very belated birthday gift for an amazing friend because she loves Shaka, ever since I dragged her into Saint Seiya hell ♥♥. Forgive me if it’s terrible *le cri* 

Warnings: Sexual content. Possible OoC. Unbetaed. I have no idea how this happened. 

                                                             *  *  *

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex): 

Despite his serene appearance, how collected he acts around others, and the way he carefully reins in his emotions to the point he may come off as cold and detached, Shaka can be surprisingly caring and soft with you after an intimate session between the sheets.

Considering he would only do it with someone he deeply cares about and that it’s not a decision he’d take lightly (people just assumed he was asexual until they learned about you and then were confused as heck), you have to mean a lot to him.

So of course he wants to share the warm afterglow of lovemaking with you, lying together in complete bliss.

He may not be very talkative afterwards, but don’t take it as a sign he is troubled or displeased about something. Your most recent experience is still sinking in his mind and he’s not used to feeling so many strong emotions at once.

Little actions such as playing with your hair, kissing your forehead, letting you snuggle against him, or draping a protective arm around you to bring you closer, are ways in which he would show his affection.

He’d also like to make sure you’re both clean and refreshed before a good night’s rest so don’t be upset if he scoops you up in his arms and takes you straight for a warm bath. 

Just let him pamper you while he’s in the mood for some touching and cuddling ;)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

Not actually a favorite part of his body, but he likes it when you gently run your fingers or place feathery kisses across his abdomen. If you tease him and “innocently” draw closer to his cock, he’s going to have hard time resisting you (no pun intended :v) and may turn the tables on you.

Shaka loves everything about you but his favorite part of your body would be your eyes because of the beauty of soul he sees in them. 

As a saint who fights to for Athena and justice, he knows there is evil in this world but you are a lotus flower growing in the mud. And it’s because of people like you why the goddess he serves believes humanity is worth saving.

He can easily get lost in them when he’s making love. It’s one of the few times he wouldn’t want to close his eyes and he would gently encourage you not to break eye contact either. He loves gazing into the depths of your soul as you both reach new heights of pleasure in each other’s arms.

Nothing but that moment with you matters to him. When you’re two alone in that room, you’re the only deity he worships in mind, body and soul.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically):

Sorry to break it to you guys, but Shaka wouldn’t do cum play or anything of the like.

He’d actually be weirded out if you even suggested the idea to him, and he wouldn’t understand what’s so attractive or exciting about it.

He’s a guy who has always been meticulous and methodical in everything he does given the teachings he’s received from his mentor (the Buddha :o). As someone who has engaged in lots of meditation to clear his mind from fears and doubts, personal hygiene and cleanliness are important to him, so he would prefer to keep the mess to a minimum if possible. So no, he isn’t in a hurry to see you doing stuff with his semen.

Shaka likes coming inside you. It’s the only place he ever wants to be when he makes love to you.

It’s a wonderful, intimate moment and he would hold you tightly against him as your souls mesh together into a single being.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):

It has never interested him before but, after starting a relationship with you, out of curiosity, he might have read some texts on the subject of erotic love. It was for science, tho!

Now now, of course he isn’t oblivious to the intimate affairs of couples, and nobody has to explain to him how babies are made. You can rest assured Shaka knows perfectly well how sex works. 

He wants to be a better partner for you but, for all his knowledge and wisdom, he’s aware he’s not exactly the most versed man in such matters. 

Despite this, Shaka adamantly refuses to ask anyone for advice, so you bet he’s gonna do the research on his own. He can figure this out.

Shaka would keep it classy, however. Nothing pornographic or vulgar is acceptable. That’s not how he wants to treat you.

Shaka’s approach is purely analytical and educational, and he reads it all with a straight face. The others would never guess what he’s actually up to.

It’s a serious matter for him. He wants to make sure he’s got what it takes to make you happy not only on a physical but emotional level as well.

In the past, the thought of sex wouldn’t have even fazed him. Shaka cared very little about it and honestly he didn’t see what the appeal was.

He still doesn’t much care but when it comes to you, he’s not against the idea. 

Fine, he digs it.

But he’s a little embarrassed to admit it.

As someone who has trained to let go of his attachment for sensual pleasures and desires, it baffled him a little that the thought even crossed his mind.

That hasn’t stopped his curiosity for learning more about how to please you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?):

Shaka is a virgin. Don’t @ me. 

That’s the real source of his power. Geddit? *fingers guns*

On a more serious note, it is no surprise that he’s not very experienced.

It’s not that he thinks sex is something dirty or bad per se. He just never had the time or any interest in the pursuit of such trivialities. Lust and sexual craving are not traps he would fall prey to. He devotes himself completely to his duty as a saint of Athena, and so he avoids distractions that would hinder the fulfillment of his mission.

You’d most likely get to be the first sexual experience he’s ever had and it’s no simple feat to seduce the man who’s closest to being a god. He believed himself to be above such worldly affairs until he met you and boy…

He was wrong once again.

Finding ecstasy in your arms is nothing short of divine.

Shaka would take his time to be intimate with you, though. He doesn’t do casual sex and needs to be absolutely certain of your feelings for each other first.

However, don’t let his virginal status fool you. He has made his research beforehand (see letter D), he has prepared and knows where to go.

If he doesn’t get it right the first time he’ll try again and again until he has you writhing in pleasure. His own satisfaction is secondary to yours.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying):

Lotus. I’m sorry for being so cliché OMG.

Pic (NSFW)

He spends a lot of time in this position when he meditates, so don’t be surprised if at some point he wants you to sit on his crossed legs and ride him.

Shaka would enjoy the intimacy and closeness this position provides. 

It’s not a position that allows for frenzied love-making, but that’s precisely why he likes it so much.

Buried deep inside your wet core, he can feel your heart beating against his chest in unison with his as he holds you in his protective embrace, and there’s nowhere else he would rather be.

He loves it when you shower small kisses on his face and happily surrender yourself to him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.): 

The first times, Shaka would wear a serious expression because he’s concentrating on learning what you like, what makes you tick and curl your toes.

He’s studying you not just on a physical level. Intimacy is beyond simple carnal pleasure for Shaka. It’s a matter of spiritual connection.

He’ll get more playful and cocky (no pun intended) once he learns how to push your buttons.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.):

He doesn’t have a lot of body hair and always keeps his face clean, shaven and moisturized.

His nails are well trimmed. His hair nicely brushed and scented. His body devoid of bad smells. 

That being said, he’s not very hairy downstairs (he’s got mostly a patch of soft blond hair), but he keeps things well groomed. Shaka doesn’t like sloppiness.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect):

It’s gentle lovemaking with Shaka and nothing less.

However, he can get too caught up in the details and in delivering a good performance that it may be a little difficult for him to really get lost in the moment.

He’s too worried about being perfect and bringing you pleasure that he sometimes forgets about the most romantic aspects.

Reassuring him he’s doing a good job will put his mind at ease. Be appreciative of his efforts and give him your undivided attention.

He’ll be the most doting lover ever because sharing his bed and body with you are very special to him.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon):

Shaka has an unbelievable control over his sexual urges and, even if he’s in a relationship with you, that wouldn’t change a lot.

He doesn’t usually masturbate, even when he’s been deprived of your touch for long periods of time (which would be when he’s away on missions for the Sanctuary). He can handle it no problem.

That doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Shaka always thinks about you with the deepest love and respect.

Masturbating can never compare to the bliss he feels when you’re in his arms. It’s just empty pleasure and would leave him even more frustrated, aching for you.

He would rather show you how much he loves you and missed you the next time he gets to see you.

Mutual masturbation is something he wouldn’t mind doing, if given the chance.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks):

In all honesty, Shaka is not overly kinky and he’s perfectly content with vanilla sex.

However, he lowkey enjoys being dominated so if you flip him on his back and mount him, he’ll find it a nice game changer.

Ride that boy, seriously. He gets off on being a bottom and the sight of you enjoying yourself so much would drive him to the edge.

Tease him all you want, deny him release or keep him from touching you, he’ll endure it like a good boy.

But if you think you can run the show for too long, get ready because Shaka will get his due.

You’ll have to learn you can’t play dirty and expect him to show you mercy.

Bad girls like you deserve divine punishment  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do):

He’s a bit old-fashioned, so he prefers the privacy and quiet of his own bedroom. Discretion is Shaka’s middle name.

It’s very practical and convenient too.

There’s no better place than his bed: clean, fresh, comfortable and quiet. He can relax and get in the mood without worrying about anything else.

He also won’t mind doing it on the floor, provided it’s pristine and there’s a plush mat with lots of cushions on it.

If he’s in your place, your bed and environment have to be clean and neat or else he’s not going to feel up for any sexy times.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going):

As someone who spends a lot of time inside his head, he needs a stimulating conversation to get him going.

It doesn’t even have to be sexual. You could ask him about his life as a saint or engage him in some philosophical talk. He’ll be happy to share his knowledge with you and will be interested in what you have to say.

Stroke his ego a little but don’t make it obvious.

On the other hand, witty banter turns him on, too. He’s got a sharp sense of humor but if you can turn around his jokes and roast him, leaving him speechless, he’ll want to get even through other means.

And you can imagine how  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Shaka loves foreplay. The more foreplay you have, the more aroused he’ll be. He can spend hours just kissing, cuddling and touching.

A nice bath with him can also get him in the mood. He’ll feel more comfortable if you’re both clean and fresh. It doesn’t matter if you’re about to get dirty again.

If during foreplay or sex you whisper sweet nothings in his ear and praise him, that’s a sure way to turn him on. Praise that boy if he’s doing an amazing job, he’ll try to do it even better.

On the other hand, don’t be shy to tell him if something isn’t working for you. He’ll know if you’re faking it and that will kill his inspiration. He’ll start doubting himself.

He likes it when you talk dirty to him, even if your words make him blush, but refrain from being vulgar. He will find it in bad taste.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):

Anything that involves humiliation or degradation of you or himself.

Any weird kinks.

Don’t ask him to get into hard-core BDSM. He won’t do it.

Edgeplay. Anything that would hurt you is a big no for him. He loves you too much and wouldn’t bear the thought of bringing any harm upon you even if it’s consensual.

He won’t do it in public places.

Poor hygiene will definitely turn him off.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.):

He may not be very keen on the idea of oral sex at first, whether it’s giving or receiving. Poor bb is still shy even if he doesn’t want to look like it.

But he may be open-minded about it once he gets more experience with you.

He’ll get there with gentle guiding and reassurance, but don’t rush him if he isn’t ready yet. Let him go at his own pace.

Once he gets past his initial shyness, he’ll be more confident to go down on you.

He won’t mind receiving but he prefers not coming in your mouth or any other part of your body.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.):

Let’s be honest. Shaka doesn’t fuck. Ever. He’s not gonna rip off your clothes or manhandle you or use you like his plaything. That’s not his style.

Don’t get the wrong idea. Despite his cool exterior, he’s still a passionate man. It’s just that his passion burns slower than most.

He will take his time to make sure everything’s perfect so you both can take delight in the experience.

His mindset is one of enjoying the build up and the journey rather than desperately rushing to his destination.

He wants to relish in every kiss, every caress and every sound of pleasure you make, he wants to feel all of you— to reach into your soul.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.):

Quickies aren’t his thing. Shaka’s sex life isn’t very spontaneous, so suggesting him to pull off a fast one isn’t going to appeal to him.

He can control his urges and expects you to do the same. He can wait until a more appropriate time for intimacy.

Shaka needs preparation to have sex. He wants to be in the right state of mind, he needs to plan the details of that special night with anticipation, he doesn’t want to leave anything to chance or else he’ll find it difficult to be at ease.

Let him have it his way, it’ll be worth it.

Conversely, you can teach him how to be less uptight and not to fret over being flawless.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.): 

Shaka is game to experimenting as long as you talk about it beforehand, but don’t expect him to go outside his comfort zone. It’s a feat in itself that you even managed to get him laid.

He prefers sticking to what works for you both, so keep in mind he’s not very adventurous. 

But he’ll do his best to please you and will be open to suggestions on how to spicy things up in the bedroom.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?): 

It may not look like it but Shaka has a surprising amount of stamina.

Though he’s a bit slow to warm up, his passion will burn longer.

He won’t tire out easily but if you’re exhausted already he’ll let you rest. If you want to go another round, he’ll be happy to oblige.

He can last for a very long time without releasing inside you, but he’s also learned to have orgasms without ejaculating.

All that meditation and self control stuff? Well, turns out it’s helped him have a wonderful sex life with you :v

Bae can keep going all night long. You’ll sooner get exhausted before he does.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?):

He doesn’t own any toys. The only toys he knows are the ones kids use to play.

Blindfolds and restraints are okay. He’ll use them on you if that’s what you want.

He still prefers simple, intimate, vanilla sex. Less is more for him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Shaka can be a big tease when he wants to so don’t expect him to be very merciful if you provoke him.

He loves it when you beg him like a god tho.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.): 

He’s not very loud. Shaka is always restrained about how vocal he is, but you’ll definitely hear him grunt and sigh and moan often.

He prefers listening to the sweet sounds you make.

Once he’s close to an orgasm, he can get noisier and will try to muffle his moans by biting his lips or kissing you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character): 

At times when tending to his garden in the house of Virgo, he’s thought about making love to you under the night sky and among the flowers he’s cultivated.

Your hair covered in petals as the light of the universe shines in your eyes is a sight he wants to see in this life.

Though maybe he’ll never have the chance to tell you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes):

Ideal size. Not too big, not too small. Proportional to the rest of this body. 

He’s got a pretty cock, honestly. Its texture is silky and when he’s hard it turns a rosy color. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?):

Shaka’s sex drive isn’t very high actually and, if it’s up to him, he won’t have sex very often. He’s for quality before quantity.

You may start wondering when was the last time you even had intimacy.

Don’t be surprised if it’s been 84 years.

He might as well look at the calendar and think “we haven’t done it in a while, next week may be a good time to get it on”.

His training taught him not to grow attached to his desires and he’s tremendously disciplined at that.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have sexual desires. He just doesn’t let them control him and is not animalistic about them.

Sex isn’t the most important aspect to have a fulfilling relationship. It’s just the icing on the cake, so to speak.

What truly matters is the emotional bond you two have forged. 

You’re not an object for him.

He can live happily without any kind of sexual intimacy if that’s what you want. He won’t love you any less for it and you’ll never hear complaints or reproaches from him.

Shaka doesn’t feel guilty about wanting to make love to you. Just don’t expect him to be a sex beast ready to pounce on you any time. That won’t happen.

Shaka would have no problem if you have a higher sex drive than he does. He’ll strive to make you happy. 

If you take the initiative and try to get in his pants, as long as he’s in a private and comfortable environment where he can let go, he’ll give in. Otherwise forget it.

Plan ahead if you intend to get naughty with him. Shaka will appreciate the thoughtfulness.

Just don’t take advantage of him because as much as he enjoys sleeping with you, he’ll quickly get bored if all you think about is undressing him when you’re with him.

Don’t reduce him to a sex object for your personal gratification, he won’t be comfortable with it. Respect and love him like he does with you. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): 

Shaka doesn’t fall asleep immediately.

He likes cuddling after making love.

He may have his eyes closed but he’s still awake and he’s listening to your every breath, your heart beating, he’s basking in the warmth of your gentle and blissful cosmos.

He can’t believe he has the most wonderful person in the world by his side.

Even if you both know it may not last, that the next holy war approaches fast and he’ll have to fight, you’ve made peace with it. You accept what the future holds in store for both.

However, that thought still keeps him awake at night.

But he’ll never tell you. He’ll just kiss your forehead and stroke your hair until you’re fast asleep.

                                                          * * *

Well, that’s it. I can’t believe I did this. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed (?

[favvnsongs]

any thoughts about lexaden first kiss? hurried or desperate or relieved? against a wall in a corner somewhere? the POTENTIAL

oof okay well first of all my feels about lexaden's first kiss change by the fucking h o u r lmfao. like I have 12+ different scenarios for lexaden so just... jot that down.

like ffs I've got a faith!verse sequel au where lexaden end up being a thing like 5ish years after aden takes the throne.

or there's the one where he's one of the like, 3 people in on the scheme when lexa has to fake her own death after the ice nation lays siege to polis so she can go into hiding and be under the radar enough to gather up her allies and devise a counter strategy?? and just, aden growing up as like, having escaped from polis and taken political refuge in arkadia??? him and lexa secretly corresponding back and forth?!?! aden like, just the sudden angst-filled resurgence of his puppycrush? all the more miserable and guilt ridden and just. the all of it? lexa really being the only person that g e t s him?? trying to keep his crush under wraps? kinda sorta failing? especially after a few years? sullen petulant boy getting real fed up of being stuck within the wire fence of arkadia? lexa really the Only person he can vent to? their letters getting less like ... idk how to even explain it but especially once he's older their letters take on a much more heartfelt and vulnerable and filterless nature?

lexa catching feelings back?!?! trying to keep it out of her messages to him bc holy fuuuuuck the shame and guilt and self loathing.

but also I have weird feelings about aden making a trip beyond the gate of arkadia four or so years after the ice nation has taken the Capitol and lexa 'died' in the ensuing carnage and chaos? his and lexa's secret clandestine meeting to be able to sit and talk strategy and all that jazz without fear of their messages being intercepted?? especially after someone in Clarke's little squad maybe swiped one of lexa's letters? one of the more mundane ones and they all think that aden just has a secret gf somewhere? but it spooks him enough that he feels uneasy about sending any messages after that??

I'm just. hugs y'all. hugs and forehead touches and gosh he's gotten so tall and grownup and dhsidnfkd. the last of her ducklings? they all either died in the invasion of polis or after from their injuries or from illness and whatever in the months and years afterwards??? and like obviously she would have known he was taller and broader and shit like that. he spent nearly three years grumpy pouting about his miserable wretched growth spurt. but reading about it and seeing it are two different things?? and just like. aden's 'oshit' moment upon seeing her again?

and like, a weeks long period of them being just in the middle of nowhere? so she can lay out everything she's been up to and stuff? everything that was too classified and sensitive to be able to write down? even with their messages encoded as they were? and like??? I mean he obvs kisses her first and his v visceral "oshiT" moment right after? lexa's faaaaace.

that presumed unrequited but mutual pininggg. adens stuttering red faced apology? so sure that he's just fucked EVERYTHING up?? especially bc of her stunned expression? the dragging silence? fuck me he just wants the earth to open up and swallow him alive? positively fucking mortifiedddd?

but then her soft blushy lovely smile? and she just - like all of her is soft? even with the stress shadows under her eyes and the obvious exhaustion and wear of how she holds herself? no longer the glowing radiant Bigger Than presence of the Before years? but even no longer being imposing and awe-inspiring and More like she once was, he's absolutely Taken with how lovely she is. with the barely there candlelight flicker of the tiny cabin they're in? he'd told her a joke (snarky and bratty and impersonating arkadians?) and her laugh had been the sweetest thing he's experienced in years? cheeks pink? the look she gave him being so like, fond and endearing and precious? in their old lives she would have chastised him - when she was still heda and he was still a duckling? she'd have leveled That Look at him and admonished him for mocking their allies. even if she found it funny she was always so careful not to enable that sort of thing.

but he tells a joke and she laughs and smiles and looks so positively fucking beautiful that he has to kiss her. knowing damn fucking well he shouldnt. knowing damn fucking well it could ruin literally everything? ashamed and hating himself. panicking until she says his name so soft and gentle and tender and calming and reassuring??

panicking until she grabs his hand and tugs him back down to sit and he can't bear to look at her until she makes him? insisting and steadfast?

the barest cheek kissssss. right at the corner of his mouthhhhh. her admonishing 'aden really now-' tone when she tells him to relax? but he can hear her smile and see the unspoken 'you're so dumb' in her face? blinking like such a confused little fawn of a boy despite really being anything But these days. until it really truly properly clicks?

his "oh" and her even more so "oh" in turn? parroting him? everything about how she says it screaming 'god you're so d u m b' and tbh it's kinda. he's such a dumb but also lexa @ herself bc she's also s o dumb?

smiley giddy precious babbus!! that relieved catharsis of being able to admit and experience and indulge in their feelingsssss.

but also the ANGST when they have to part ways again and he has to go back to arkadia and she has to vanish back out into the world againnn. aden having to pretend like it never happened. like she's still dead? o o f.

[britishchick09]

beatles yellow submarine livewatch

here’s my thoughts on the yellow sub movie as i watched it! :D

omg it’s sgt. pepper’s lonely hearts club band but it’s pepperland :D

jules verne reference :D

I WAS RIGHT IT’S PEPPER’S BAND

pretty music :D

the captain guy is sweet :) (not just because he has flowers)

OMG IT BE THEM

oh no blue meanies!

i didn’t know this movie had a plot cool :D

why apples

OH NOES BEATLES DED

THEY ALL DED

OH NO STATUE GUY DED

captain plz no ded

why is there a blue hand

glove?

RUN CAPTAIN RUN

GLOVE CRUSHED ‘LOVES’ YOU JERK >:(

ha ha glove :D

wait does one meanie have MICKEY EARS NO MICKEY IS TOO PURE FOR YOU

captain: “the meanies are coming!” band: *does NOTHING*

lol at the lincoln reference

DERE IT IS! :D

DERE’S THE SONG! :D

♫ WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE YELLOW SUBMARINE YELLOW SUBMARINE! ♫

cool font on the credits tho

it’s england :D

not even a minute later and it’s song time again

all the lonely people are watching now yay :)

RINGO!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

“an old splintered drumstick”

ringo look behind you sweetie

RINGO LOOK BEHIND YOU

oh so he knows

your outfit isn’t logical RINGO

help the poor captain RINGO

wot WHY SO MANY DOORS

my dad just turned it on in the living room and it’s on an earlier part so it’s weird

“i’ll just park it here :/”

hey marilyn monroe

frankenstein has a SISTER

OH HEY JOHN

john is frankenstein comfirmed?

of course george is in an indian music room

george looks cool bro

ha ha lol georgie :D

he sounds WAY better than the cartoon george ♥

omg car chaos

it’s john driving isn’t it

on the tv paul appeared but a train rammed into a door on mine so idk about that

PAUL :D

PAUL SO POSH

omg the real world exists

hey it’s day in the life music

AHHHH MAKE  IT STOPPPP

and they all died :)

jk they’re in the sub

“so THIS is a submarine” what did you think it was paul

“GROOVY”

the chop the tree verse played on the tv when mine started so it’s way off

omg seizure fishes

IT BE ARM FISH!

♫ ALL TOGETHER NOW ALL TOGETHER NOW ALL TOGETHER NOW ALL TOGETHER NOW ALL TOGETHER NOW ALL TOGETHER NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! ♫

“it’s time, the TIME’ stop sounding like tony clock from dhmis john

oh no NUMBERS

since when were you the smart one paul

“you surprise me ringo”

why are they smol n’ chubby

is this like sailor moon supers movie when they become kids

I KNEW IT

LITTLE JOHN THO

yo it’s 2009 now

they’re waving and it’s cute :D

yo that hair

why does george look like god

flying boots tho

nice flowers :D

yo trippy

cool music :D

“he just wrote it like that”

why is it a seizure warning

“he’s UUUUGGGGLLLLYYYYYY” HEY DON’T JUDGE BEATLE BLUE MEANIES >:(

“he must be a bicyclops”

i refreshed the page and the tv is still a few seconds off but it’s not as bad as before :)

yo why is there a torso horn man

a school of whales

GREEN WHALES

“university of whales” lol

“STEER CLEAR!” “yes dear”

“don’t touch that button!”

RINGO YOU HAD ONE JOB

RINGOOOOOO

OMG JUMPY THINGS WOT

“there goes ringo”

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

yo what a big cig

*explosion* AND THAT’S WHY YOU DON’T SMOKE KIDS

why is ringo always the one in danger in beatles movies :(

“so long sucka” -george harrison 1968

YO STOP ATTACKING MY BOI

“jus press a button”

“how was it ringo?’ “harrow-ing”

cool typewriter bro

nowhere man is cool :D

DANCE MY BOIS! :D

awwww ringo is so nice ♥

my dad tried to sync the movies up during nowhere man and now it’s closer but still off :/

he’s wearing the beatles shirt i got him for his b-day (his has the let it be cover) and i’m wearing one of his (beatlemania) so it’s cute :D

yo is that a bunny

trippy mind land woah

yo john’s voice is trippyyyyyyyy

is this lucy

yo this is cool but trippy

I KNEW IT WAS LUCY :D

this is about drugs i can tell

JOHN JUST SMILED

AND MY DAD JUST GOT IT TO SYNC YAS!

omg what’s going on

this truly is trippy sorry beatles it’s a drug song

YO NICE FEDORA JOHN

and nice disguise ;)

hey it’s a 20s girl kewl

i like jeremy :)

circles why

“what do you know about hooooooles”

“the boob is making more and more sense”

"where’s jahnny”

IT BE THE SEA OF GREEN

yo is this the spongebob intro

OMG MAGIC MUSIC :D

they made it! :D

music man is back! :D

“we’re quite cute” SURE PAUL

yo rainbow hats kewl

OH NO BLUE MEANIE WITH MICKEY EARS >:(

he burped AND IT WAS GROSS >:(

all the lonely people :(

my dad’s reaction when the apples fell:’ah hah :D’

gloves inside feet shoes oh no :o

RUN BUNNY RUN

being chased by a giant glove would be terrifying actually

WHY ARE THE MEANIES TEETH RATTLING

nice disguise bois :D

mouth meanies :(

shut up ringo plz

oh no DON’T SHOOT THE BEATLES MAN

they’re becoming the pepper band :D

“oh ek”

*LOUD CRASHES* and yet they sleep

“john love” “what did he say?” “shhh!”

cool green hair paul

“on tip toe”

“tip toe through the meanies” nice reference ;)

OH CRAP THEY ALL UP

RUN BOIS RUNNNNNNN!

PAUL WAS ALMOST DEAD :(

yo why the wobbly camera

safe in the forest :)

“teeny weeny meanie”

i think that ‘breakfast’ is the mean apples

BOOM HE GO DOWN

AND HE DO TOO AND HIM AND HIM

oh no they’re not blue-ish

why is a beat six john

sgt. pepper’s lonely hearts club band est 1948 (or 2007?)

YAS LOVE THE SHOW BOIS! :D

i love how they’re tying in the previous album :D

“i’d love to take you home ;)” JOHN NO

BILLY SHEARS?????????

and everybody loved that :D

OMG IT’S MY 6TH FAVE SONG :D

oh no it’s fading

SHUT UP BIRD >:(

“the hills are aliiiive :)” “with the sound of musiiiic” nice meanies ;)

he go BOOM BOOM BOOM

stop laughing meanie

he’s actually creepy tho :(

“BLOOOPAAAS”

w h o ?

“there you aaaare my little flower” mommy the blue meanie is being scary again :(

“OHBLOOOTERATE THEM” nice

what did those nasty meds do tho

g l o v e

“open your mouth john” it’s ringo saying it BUT IF IT HAD BEEN PAUL...

♫ all you need is love all you need is love love is all you need ♫ :D

an act of true love can defeat a blue meanie’s heart :)

SO MUCH LOVE :D

george floats so fab :D

love truly does win! :D

yay no more meanies! :D

it’s the pepper band! :D

“it’s sgt. pepper’s” “lonely heart club’s” “band”

*john rambles about einstien* john truly is the smart one :D

“nothing is beatle-proof”

“i got a hole in me pocket”

they back! :D

twinsies! :D

yo pepper john has no stache

“beatles to battle!”

OH CRAP THEY BACK

is this hey bulldog because the dogs are barking

CALLED IT :D

you go johns :D

the meanie dogs are john fans i see ;)

one of them likes the song cute :)

this is a trolling song ain’t it

the sing a long is even on the talking parts lol

jeremy plz be careful

sad meanie is good >:)

JEREMY NO :O

“a rosy nose?” lol :D

yay for roses! :D

yay jeremy! :D

“i knew he was somebody” :’)

“where could we go?” “argentina?” lol

jeremy is a somewhere man now :D

YO JEREMY ROCK

the tv froze so my dad went to his phone (although he could watch it on the computer with me) JUST AS THAT AWESOME ROCK CHORD PLAYED YO

this is trippyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

jeremy trippy spin :D

yo that sun tho

wow what a trippy world this is

BUT AT LEAST THERE’S JEREMY HAPPY SPIN :D

OMG THE LADS

"a hole in my pocket” lol :D

“what’s the matter john love?” ;)

ONE TWO THREE FAUH

paul has a cute wink :)

i’ve seen the live action song before and it’s so cute :D

ALL TOGETHER NOWWWWWWWW! :D

wowza that was amazing!!!!!!!!! :D

i give it a blue 8.5/10! :D

[emilyblame]

‘Fandom’ first listen.

well, technically, second. because first actual listen was with the lights out, headphones on, eyes closed. didn’t understand half the lyrics because Awsten can’t enunciate for jack shit, but that’s how we roll in this house. (i always listen to albums for the first time like this and in general- but no one asked me).

moving on, second listen is reading lyrics. and here goes my take on every track!

so, Awsten said each song on the album sounded like a movie. and, to be completely honest with you, Cherry Red actually sounds like it belongs in the titles of a coming of age rom-com. it wasn’t what i expected it to be, but it was a nice surprise. like, the very beginning sounds like it could easily live in the soundtrack of 1986′s “Labyrinth”, which was scored by absolute legend David Bowie, no less.

and i really love the way it connects with Watch What Happens Next, which i thought it might be my favorite from the album, but it has been kicked down to fifth, maybe sixth place?

the outro to Dream Boy still reminds me of Crave. and i still don’t know what to do with that information. loved that he recycled the pre-chorus melody of Glitter Times (RIP) for the second verse here. i think i haven’t said that before.

ok. i’m just gonna put this out there: Easy To Hate sounds like it could’ve been a Big Time Rush song and that makes me so fucking happy. i mean, obviously not lyrically, but- anyway. this song... man. you know when you hear a song that’s so good you cry and you can’t stop smiling? no? just me? holy. shit. everything about this song is so fucking good. i literally don’t know where to start praising it.

i know High Definition is the song that’s most important to Awsten, and he said he felt like it's the best thing he’s ever written. but i strongly disagree. i like the song just fine, i just don’t think it’s the best thing he’s ever written.

oh my god, Telephone sounds like everything that’s ok in the world. same feelings than with Easy To Hate minus the crying. i just can’t seem to stop smiling. it’s just-- good, man. it’s really good.

Group Chat is... definitely something. hahaha. loved that.

fuck. i hadn’t listened to Turbulent for a while, and when it came on i fangirled hard. it’s so good! it’s creepy in the best of ways and i had forgotten how much i loved that. it was the only other single (apart from WWHN) that i instantly liked. (and the acoustic version slaps so bad!)

Never Bloom Again. HOLY SHIT. i’ve tried looking for a way to say this in English but i couldn’t find the exact words, i’m sorry, pero Lucky People: la tenés adentro. this is probably one of my favorite songs from the album, like top 3 for sure. Awsten’s vocals are so heartfelt. i fucking cried my eyes out (both times i listened to it- and i doubt that’s gonna change with multiple listens.)

when they were talking with Fish about I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don’t Wanna Die Anymore, Fish asked Awsten, “Who hurt you?” kind of ironically, but like... boy! apparently e-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y hurt him. who the fuck sends Awsten death threats? i just wanna talk-- all jokes aside, that’s really fucked up. i can’t believe we’re almost in 2020 and kids still send death threats to people on social media. it makes me want an apocalypse so bad. humanity needs to be destroyed- some people are too fucking mean. anyway, back to the song. i kinda feel bad for liking this song, but i think it sounds really cool. i like the way he laughs in the chorus, like he realizes how sad what he’s saying is but he’s already saying it and he’s sticking with it.

shout out to Jawn and Zakk in War Crimes, dude! also shout out to that badass bass riff in between whatever those two verses are? that’s simple but effective AS FUCK. like the song has zero structure but it works so fucking well. BOY. War Crimes is tight as fuck.

i still don’t like [Reboot]. i’m not sure what it is about it. i really enjoy the break down/interlude, though, right before the last couple of choruses. i think by the way the build up sounds, i was kinda expecting he’d hit the high harmony when the chorus kicks back in, or maybe a change of key...? mmm, that would’ve been nice. but, you know... this is me talking out of my ass. i don’t know shit.

wait! i also love that it ends with storm sounds that carry on to Worst. oh. and i absolutely love the bass they added. yes. also, love the way he gasps for air at the very end of the second verse, because i’m weird as fuck and i love it when he does that. and that “Pretty cool!” was cute as Hell too.

so, Zone Out is basically Dream Boy again... but like a ‘go to sleep’ version. i woul’ve been totally ok with them calling it Dream Boy Revisited, to be honest. when Awsten talked about a reprise in ‘Fandom’ i kinda pictured it more like Men Are All The Same by The Used, or What A Catch, Donnie by Fall Out Boy, goodbye by Billie Eilish if you’re feeling lucky. but it’s just a different version of Dream Boy’s chorus. and i guess that’s fine but also... if it wasn’t there it wouldn’t be much of a difference either...? i don’t know.

fuck. I Felt Younger When We Met. fuck. i mean... fuuuuck, what a good way to finish an album. i mean, Waterparks never had issues finishing albums on great notes, we all know that. I’ll Always Be Around and Sleep Alone were fucking gems, you just had to hit replay, because they both left you wanting more. now, I Felt Younger When We Met literally demands you to hit replay because it fucking ends where Cherry Red starts and I FUCKING LOVE THAT SO MUCH ALSJDKLASJLDAKLSJDKL. sorry for the freak out, it had to be done. it’s just so fucking good!

Overall. i really enjoyed the album. i think it’s amazing. i think it’s even better than ‘Entertainment’. and trust me, i never thought i’d say that either. i think maybe i was a little scared to listen to it because of how strongly i didn’t like the singles (except for Turbulent and WWHN) and i really wanted to like the album. i mean, if i didn’t, it wasn’t the end of the world, of course. but, i don’t know. i just wanted to like it so bad.

like, every previously unreleased song is so fucking good that you can’t help but love the album. it’s a really good album. i fucking love it. i love it. and i can’t picture people not liking it.

[scribble-fics]

My two favorites

Welp. Figured i make a post regarding my favorite characters from bnha Warning these are very self indulgent. Also yeah, they are side characters but i love them💖 besides i dont see any headcanons for them. So figured I'd make some.

Tetsutetsu-

♡- he's an absolute darling of a boyfriend. He's so compassionate and helpful and encouraging. He's perfect?? Hello??

♡- he sends you good morning texts every morning with like 20 heart emojis. He is purely in love with his s/o and he's going to show it.

♡- gives the best hugs in class 1-b. He's so affectionate with his s/o and just so amazing.

♡- loves when his s/o plays with his hair. Its so soft and fluffy and he thinks it feels amazing.

♡- couldn't you just imagine him coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around you? Nuzzling into the crook of your neck? 💜💜🧡💙💕❤💖💖🖤💚 GOD I LOVE THIS BOY SORRY HHH

♡- his kisses being sweet and full of love💖💖💖 its weird because his lips are kinda cold but his tongue is warm. So its a good contrast.

♡- tickle fights where he doesn't go overboard but still tickles you a bit. Because he loves hearing your laugh.

♡- tetsutetsu allowing only you to just call him tetsu for a shorter version of his name. Anyone else does it and he'll bark at them, "ITS TETSUTETSU!"

♡- him taking you to the gym when he goes. Letting you encourage him to push harder and be his little cheerleader.

♡- testu letting you steal his jackets and hoodies and shirts because it lets people know your his and its adorable.

♡- doing the cute coupke sit-up thing where when he does a sit up you'll be there ready to smooch him.

♡- testu being protective about you!! Wrapping an arm around your waist when he sees other people looking at you in a certain way.

♡- GIVES SOME GOOD GODDAMN CUDDLES!!! He's always so warm and inviting. Definitely the type of person to trap you in his arms and refuses to let you leave!! Who would want to though.

Tokoyami-

💜- bird boy being really embarrassed with public affection is my drug.

💜- hes not saying no to it, hes honestly just really embarrassed and shy about that stuff.

💜- not being able to kiss, tokoyami has studied the way of the hug. He's one of the best hug givers.

💜- darkshadow getting along with you!!! Just coming out randomly and nudging you for pets.

💜- in private tokoyami will be a sappy boyfriend who holds you close and mumbles poetic verses and he traces patterns on your skin.

💜- you are the light of his life. His only weakness is you and your love and he never wants to overcome it.

💜- he's 5'2 do unless you're really short, then you're going to be either his size or a bit taller. He doesn't mind though.

💜- his feathers will floof all up if you kiss his beak. It's just too much for him, how is someone like you so cute?

💜- Wear his capes and stuff!!! Joke around with him and stuff about how your batman!!!! Hear him chuckle and see him smile!!!

💜- on a date in a park one day he did that cheesy thing where you carve your initials in a tree with a heart around it. Its the tree where ge confessed to you. Its your tree of love.

💜- take him out places he's never been!! Like McDonald's or somewhere he would turn his beak up to because irs not edgy enough for him, "holy shit their sweet tea here is amazing..",, "I TOLD YOU!!"

[lostinathoughtonceagain]

Im not sure where to start although i feel like i alwyas start with that.My mom says i seem to be doing  alot better and inn truth i am. I feel more myself and joyous and mre personality, and than theres still an emptiness that creeps in. The sort of weird shame feeling i used to get in mornings or without a shirt on, i got it today after grabbing clothes from my moms. maybe this is just a personal issue but im trying not to isolate myself in my emotions. TI appreicate and find it hard to understand the idea of common humanity. It is true humans all epereince these emotions and it is only to ones disadvantage when we tell ourselves were the only ones who have ever felt these emotions. In truth we are the only ones who experience things given we all have different perspectives, childhoods, personalities, and biology of our brains.. yet i think that an important to try to find the common humanity. empathy, relating to one another. we are more alike than we are different. YOu know when your on the freeway and you wonder where are all these people going. Myabe some are picking up there kids, going to a booty call, stopping to grab bananas at the store, and we wont ever know, everyone is all doing there own thing, eveyone is jsut driving just going to work doing things and im wo dering if anyone else is freaked out about what is happening. Why the hell are we here?n why iseveryone not freaking out with the little time we have, i want to make the most out of what is happeing i dont want to waste any more time not being  where i want to be, i wanted to be skinny so i can go on with my life. But i geuess thats alos the point of life. ive been so worried about living that i havnt actually been living. Im failing at an attempt to handle my shit. I look back on the past and how come i can only think, mostly think of the bad things. The relationships that i shouldve ended sooner cuz i didnt really lvoe them as i thought love would be. THey were all merely a disspointment. That sounds rude but to put it this way i alwyas thought there was something better for me. MY parents used to say at times “its never enough for you katie” maybe that is true. maybe im never satisidef. Maybe it was because they were tired and had tried there best and i failed because my needs wernt meant. not that they were needs. I think back to guys ive hooked up with and wish i had higher standards. why did i find satisfaction in attention from people that didnt even care about me. WHen guys used me and i was glad to let them. Especailly when i had previous ly had crsushes on them. FUCK BOYS WITH J names. i dont know why im writing as if im writing a story. maybe it makes it easier maybeim trying to articulate my thoughts into something there not. I think about things that have happened and hope i can maybe use them as a testimony maybe ill meet the love of my life adn get to share all these stories... but i dont things play out like that and thats a weird perspective to have on things thsat occur. Like as if im a narrator. I would get so ecited to send cute pictures of myself when i was  baby and show my boyfriends, or share things with them but then i realized something. they dont care, well definlty not like me. That ecitement about it is not the same as the one im epereiecning and when i was sent baby pictures of them, i didnt feel that warmth in my heart. maybe that makes me a bitch or emotionally disconnected. but how do i know if im feelin. what connections have i made. I used to want to be under the influence and gina my therapist said that people go to substances to feel connection. When i was on coke, life was beautiful i could talk to anyoe and everyone adn words flowed so well. In my head, looking back i probably looked like a crack head and thats the reality of it. I can manipulate my reality but to what is its value if its a lie. if no one else feels or sees what im seeing. ona  nother thought  i think we can make up these sotries in our heads that arnt even true. like somone tells us something or we feel a certain way about ourself so and it ends upso our whole olives our affected by this painting in our head only to find out no one sees what were seeing. my dad said that we can change the past, welll we can change our past by changing how we look at it. and i think if we could grasp it it would change our lives. I think that i could look back and not feel that shame, or not feel that embarressment. But am i not a sum of all the words thoughts and actions ive done or had uot o this point? thats depressing, but if it were something i was proud of then yes i would like to be. but the truth is all wehave is the now and you can start now being a totally different person, but you cant run away from all the consequences of the past i guess they jsut dont matter if you decide to change. but then what about bridges burned. i guess my plan b ina  sense is to run away to another country. but then theres legal issues and this whole system and ates and bad guys and tso m8uch to worry about that i dont feela  sense of freedom. my information is online and under a sytem and i undertsadn why i just wish everything could be quiet for sa sec. mayeb i dont want to be aktie stowers anymore. I get jealos of girls born and raised pretyy. all ive done is starved myself in the process of becoming what i want to be but thats not even me. if i have to starve to et there then i feel as though i dont actuallyl deserve to be skinny. and i fee l so vain for obsessing over this fucking thought. iw anted to be skinny this is what ive said from the beginging can someoine please help me do it. the probelm is that im in treatment for anoreica sub purge type and the reality is that i cant lose weight withought going to etreme measures. it became the most important thing in my life and ive been strung up on the same thought since fucking march of 2018. talk about time wasted. although i know thats no way of looking at it. ive learned lessons and have ad so many beautiufl things happpen. I get told very kind things about myself. i wonder if im actually a kind person or i only do things simply to be a kind person. if eel kinda selfish but i guess we all are. i mean think about how amny bad things are happening in this world and children starving and here i am buying things i dont need anf focuing on myself. but im not doing anything about it. i mean i try to tip etra give to homless ifi can i just feel guilt because i could be doing more but ijalso know that im not responsibly to save the world. jsut seems wrong the way things are. thats why i believe everyone goes to heaven. maybe because i cant wrap my head around the possily fact that barrett wouldnt and also becasue the idea of eternal damnation dosnt seem like the character of a god i want to serve. i see so much bullshit in the church and i just dont know . am i jsut angry. I became so jdugemntal of those judging me and thats just as worse but when theres almost a cluba nd you dont fit into there critera it fucking hutts. and that dosnt feel liek jesus i think jesus wouldnt let us be seperated by rleigion or if you drank last weekend. I think we should all unite and love each other and thats what reallly matters. yet here i am obsessed over being skinny. im down to 4 hour as of yesterday and i feel so much better i do. i just wish i could have one long 2 day therapy session whre i fucking figure out all my shit. ive gone to so much therapy and its been etremly helpful i jsut dont wanna waste anymore time with this baggage. I dont wanna go a minute longer when i could giure all this out. i guess what im saying is i want my life tp be an open canvas and not be unravveling and my childhood issues poopping up.. i want to go into the fututre knowing what i know adn epeireicning my life as it plays out. but i am 18 ishouldnt be thinking this much into things huh i should just let it be and lvie my life. i should be doung homework an teting my frienfds or going on a date. but thats not ther eality of things and alos i think ill look abck and things will be different. IOm also int reatment rn so oviously my situation is not exactly normal. i really do love to write i used to always want to be an author. but i dont kno0w anymore. i jsut dont really like how the sytem works i hate how we all have to go to college amd study things i dont give a fuck about and then some struggle at there 9-5 to merely surve eand ig uess i dont like the thoughr of that. and i know were suppsoed to find joys in the little things i think things are jsut freaking me out. iw ant to quit smoking nicatine but everyday i go out and do it. ig uess that meanns i dont really want to stop because if i did i would. i  and then i feel slightly guilty and opackiy because his is the only boduy im given. like does that not freak everyone out. this is the only way we are able to eperience life. think about how quickly it can be ended. i think that is too much pwier overmyself. nmot that im suicidal but i do think i hgave the power to find out super son what is after this life. judgment day, pure nothingness, maybe ill become a=one of the many ants i ahev enjoyed killed as a punsihemtn for msyelf. or hoe[fully and maybe ill entire a heaven with a lovuing god. a state of being with loved ones. I think thats why people like the idea of heavn the idea that you will see people later. but that discount the factof pain. when someones child dies they dont feel any less pain because a verse about being reunited with the,. because the truht im scared to tyee is that theres a possibility heaven isnt rela. and the loved one that is lost will never be in your reaach again.i feel sad for how ome peoples lifeves go. i hope they get a chance in the after life to have what they wanted. but then i think abotu abd guys. i wouldnt want them in my heaven. i guess maybe who we all our at our core is who would be in heaven beyond all the nasty. yet i dont believ flesh is nasty and i dont believ trying my whole life to not be something i was made to be. if my flesh is evil adn mankind is doomed what the fuck is that. i dont think god would set us upnto fail and i believ ehe understands we are human. and gpd is god and god knew everything that was going to happen up to npw. u know whats crazy is that on the time line we are on the edge of what is to come. being aluive rn. and its crazy that i wont be here in 100 years. ill be merely history. but rn we are whats happneing 7:12 november 11th. we are up to datebecause we are merely aliver. unless there is different universes and this is m,erely a simulation. but besides the point. barrett was talking about just how many books songs and information there is. that makes me pancik there is so many people so many things i could learn and musici could listen to that no one can listen to it all. maybe theresa song out there that is my favorite son that ill never get to lsiten to but i gues si jsut have to trust that the universe ligns up as it should and my life will happen as it should. and alll these things are happneing and were floating in the middle of space and yet i feel like people arnt freaking out. like what hthe actual fuck is happneing. and why do iu want to soedn my one life doing shit that dosn matter or something i dont even love. but thats how life works because you have to have moneya nd i do love bying things. and i jsut need to relax. because when people look back on there past they think if i could only tell msyelf its going to be okaya nd to have fun. why cant i do taht i mean i can but tehn these thughts come in. iwant to be skinny i also love food. starving was easy and i like d seeing my bones show,. i wanted people to see me and know i was hurting but people dont wanna be sround sa dpeople i guess i just wanted o be rescued. and at the same time it was nice to focus on the thingsd because even if all went ot hell if i restricted enought hat was okay my eating idsorder would tell me that  everything was going to be okay because i was taking care of the one thing i actaully wanted. writing this makes me sound crazy to msyelf. i have so many things i want to larn and do and so having an eating disorder makes me feel limated. amd truly it does limit me. it dosnt allow me to worry and think about these tihngs. i just really want to be skinnya dn i dont know where this started or why its so impiortant but i just am not a fann of my boyd. and i know tis terirble because im more than m y body and i know i cant stave mtyself and i know that this makes me self cenetred i know that it didnt pkay out as the damsel in distress that i wanted i know wthat i pushed loved ones away and made desisions taht really arnt alligned with my values because truly i didnt care i just wanted to get skinny i know i didnt look healthy bu in my mind that s the best ive eever looked. i know that the husband i meet is going to lvoe me for whats beond my appreance so it dosnt matter and getting atention from others isnt satisying and only leaves me feeling empty i knwo lifes to short to count your calories, to walk around feeling fraila nd loung every seconds. to reach 109 and not see a body close to what was at 116. to talk about numbers because they w]makr improtant parts of my life adn to allso swear that i dont care that much about the numbers. i care about the look. but if what they say is true and i ahve body dismprhia thats impossible. they say the eating idpsrder says itll never be enough. it will nevr be satisiuded. “ its never enough katie” never enough

and so maybe its me maybe im just this warped person. why do memories come back so weird and hwy did i have su h weird thoughts a s f\child. why do i get filled with so much rage. somtiems i think im the most grogeous girl and others i want to killmsyelf because i fel worthless. imm not suicdial but i can remeberthe first time i thought about killing kmyself i was in the abck seat of the car my brothers wre all teasing me about soething but for whatecer reason i was upset by it. i remebr crying and thinking how bad thye would feel if i killed myself. i carried this idealation iwht me later on. gina says i used this as a coping skill.w whenevr someone was mean, didnt say the right thing, didnt invite me, or a aprent said something hurtful. o thouhgt about it as if i were a ghost. watching how sad they were that they had not done better with me. that they said those angry words last to me instead of teeling me uhow much they lvoed me. that when they gossiped ghey felt so bad after because i was dead. i sometimes wish i could watch this unfold. but thats demented and evil. my ghost smiling with satifdaction as she watches loved one who id love and people who were simply lvingnthere life be affected by this. what good would it do to me or them. it would ruin them, does thaa amke mf evil. and then i realzie thats not how death wokrs. ill go to  wahtevr is after this.a dm why would i waste my eistence on a disguestingnromantizsm of revenge.  shpuld move on better msyelf and make connections and share with my lovedones hwen theyve hurt me or that i need more love.  i love treamnt. i love the lif3 im having. besids hating my body i love doing art and larning life skills and if eel like pooeple love me for me there and i can really be myself and support others. but i cant live my life in treatment. i want to relapse theres a few pros to this. one i get skinny againa dn can take pcitures while im skinnya dn try to do it a healthier way. 2 i can jsut go back to treatment and 3 thats a big fuck you to insuracne and theyll realize i coudlve used more help. my ancupucture lady said i need to let people help me adn its tru. i can read boooks hae copnversations go toa therapist but what goofd does it do if its not evn sticking with me. if i dont allow it to change me. im so stuck in that i want to be skinny. but im also tired of haojng my body, the thought about being okay iwht my body is sad to. ill jsut be ugly and not care? amd i wont be ablr to beas beautiful as i want to be. the law of attraction streases me out to because what if everytihng im writing is manif3sting as we speak. hut io cant just iugnore all thse thoughts. its good to journl ane write. i smoked the other night and told susan and brooke but lied to my treatment team. but honestly i was anxious the whole time and outside of playing with myself and dougna  trippy spiritaul mediaiton itwasnt the best time. it ,made me realize i enjoy beig sober bcecause i can do lall the things i want to do and not be stupid and i can be mindful. but then i feel a little desperate at the idea of not having anys ubstances. i sjsut need to create a good ralit y formyself. also i just don tfeel like im the little blon girl in my baby photos like me and her arnt \even the same person but i am i am her in 18 year old form. i jsut dont even know who i am or whats happening. iw ant to chilla dn i need to find balance. maybe this is because my brain has more room oto think about thoings. it kinda hurts me that my mom dsont know that much about eating disorders but yet she says she knows how bad these thionhd can get. likes he can talk so much about me needing help and this and that and yet she hasnt veen taken the tiem to udnerstand what it is im goi g throug. but i shoudlnt epect her to i dont evn knkw what is happneing. cons of relasping is more time wwasting life farther form my hoal. what is my goal all i can think abou t is working on my body bye cercising and eating healthy after treatment. iu dont underdstand why people dopnt think this is a huge thing for me. it makes it so i cant wear what. im so tired of caring. i want to get out of my head. but reality is i am katie and i have to deal wiht whats going on it dosnt do any good whining about it. another con is that my family would be disapinted. im kinda scared i ahev cancer ir im going ot die and jus stop breatinh. its probaly jsut anxiety . nbut i think about the drugs ive done and all that ive smoked and when ive starved and i wonder if im jsut shutting gdown. but i guess were all shutting down. but you cant tell kids these tihngs they dont care and they wouldnt undertsnad. i guess im jsut freaking out at my very eistence. im also very thankful to ebe alive. the fact were all ehsiting rn is crazy i think everything happens for a reason and theres a beautiful lessona nd “work of art called love” desinged by the creator. i ksut dpnt think itds what people think its actaully is. julian is just dsigusing why was i ever ino him. but i cant stop 16 year old me by being into him. but he really wasa dick adn oi dont think hes aw the value in me. my idea of him thinking that was because hesa  lot uglier than me or the line in fredys song where he says “ why would a girl like you fall for a guy like me” and he saud thatr eminded him of us i thought that was so sweet. MO that dosnt mean he values me. why was i so okay with accepting bullshit.a nd nathan. i really liked nathan we were bestfriends. but i got really cazy jealous. i was supposed to eat2 and ahalf hours ago and im not rally hungry. hence my hunger ques are off. i lost 4 lbs over the weekedn and im on weight restoration i was given till friday before i have tonadd even more additions because im not supposed to be lsoing weight. but i dint feel sad baout it. i felt eciteed i guess my bodys ina  place where it can lsoe weight easily. i feel like i should take advantage of it. is this litterally the eating disorder tuyping as we speak am i poseed. it is katie stowers. i guess thats what an eating idorder does. i think i ought to steer clear of caffense and weed. make things a little less harde.r and truly i shuld try to quit nicatine. ots just so nice to do but i think i ought to just not do it. i think idts a porblem because i can already mpciture me going outside after break and smoking. “evntually ill quit shes aid” when i quoted julien baker in her song ahppy to be hee to esther it says “ i miss you the way that i miss nicatine” she waled away after. felt a little judged honeslt and i dont think it was cuz of me but i am better than to smoke nicatine. i think im gonna not do it tomorow. adn if i succeed well see about friday. but it is a hbit i shoudl break. but anyways theres a lot to worry about and be ecited about to and im having a hard time manging it all. and i opuld go on times ten of whats been happneing in my brain ina  therap y session but it dosnt happne.

[jayascorner]

life isn’t that bad

~part 2

josh dun x reader

•

•

•

i could feel my nerves pick up.

wait.

hold up a sec.

shoot...

tyler?

as in my ex? tyler?

tyler joseph???

“oh my God is his name tyler joseph?” i asked, completely mind-blown. i swear if it is-

“yes actually, how did you know?” he asked, not that surprised.

“well, uh, you see...he’s my uh...my ex..” i somewhat reluctantly uttered.

josh stared at me, completely dumbfounded. he opened his mouth to say something, but shut it shortly after. “i know, i know it’s pretty weird. but we broke up like six years ago.”

“so...you’re y/n...the y/n?”

“uh yeah? has he talked about me?” i asked. but man, i thought that he dumped me because he didn’t like me anymore. i mean, that was probably it. but if he didn’t like me anymore, why would he still talk about me?

“oh yeah, big time. he just couldn’t get over the fact that he pushed you away. he said he made a mistake.” he said.

“is he okay now?” i ask, wishing for a yes, so nothing would be awkward between tyler and i.

“well, yeah. ever since he met jenna, he’s been fine.”

i smiled at the fact that he found someone, because i still do care for him and i want him to be happy. “yay, that’s good! so who’s jenna?” to me, jenna sounded like a girl with black hair and brown eyes, i don’t know why.

“she’s a really sweet lady, she has blonde hair and blue eyes. and tyler is so in love with her. he is in his happiest state when she’s around.” wow i was so off.

“hm she sounds nice, i’m glad he found someone else. do you have a love interest? or are you in a relationship?” i asked, just curious. i totally wasn’t seeing if he was single...

“uh well-“ he stopped when he saw my face full of shock. a few songs had passed by, some i liked, some i wasn’t too fond of. but this song.....i’ve heard it before. (and this is where you insert the flashback) and- oh my god.

“what?” he asked.

“i’ve heard this song before.”

“y/n, what do you mean?”

“i mean, tyler sang this to me once. why would he put it on the album?” i asked, feeling—i don’t know.

“for all i know, he wrote it for jenna.”

what.

“wha-but...he only had the verse down at the time and he sang it to me, he-he told me he wrote that song for me!” i said, feeling hurt. i mean, why wouldn’t i? he used the song that was started out as a song for me, but resumed writing the rest for another girl. that...that can be kinda frustrating.

“i’m sorry about that. you should probably talk to him-“

and that’s when tyler walked in. i was still looking down, so i had no idea he walked in. i noticed he stopped (my back was facing tyler) and looked up at josh. he wasn’t looking at me, but he waved at someone in the background.

“he’s here isn’t he?” i whispered. he nodded and i looked behind me to see the familiar face i haven’t seen in years.

“y/n? i-is that you?” tyler asked to his surprise.

time of the skips :))

obviously all of us got tired and fell asleep in the living room. me and tyler didn’t really talk, it was a little awkward.

oh, and you know those dreams where you fall or crash, and you jolt awake? i had one of those. it was about 4 in the morning, a couple hours after we fell asleep.

so yeah, i jolted awake pleasantly (hint the sarcasm). not to mention the awful screech i made which did wake up someone. and it had to be tyler. how embarrassing!

he sat up, i saw him and got SO startled. like, SUPER startled. “oh my god!” i whisper-yelled. “what happened there?” he asked, laughing a bit. i mean, why wouldn’t you laugh? a person screeching and then jumping in their spot.

“um i had a dream that i fell of a cliff, and then when i fell to the ground, a jolted awake, and then you startled me! why are you awake?!”

“well, you kinda let out a scream, and it woke me up.”

“o-oh i’m so sorry.” i said, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

i thought i screamed in my dream, but apparently it was out loud.

“it’s okay, i didn’t have a great dream either, i’m kinda glad you woke me up.” he said, which made me feel not as bad.

“what was it?” i asked, feeling curious.

he shook his head a bit, “oh man, it was terrible.”

“do you wanna talk about it?”

“yeah i can. it would just really hurt if it happened in real life”

“what was it?” i asked again.

he sighed. “well, my wife had a miscarriage. and it was on our anniversary.”

“ooh. i’m sorry about that. at least it didn’t happen in real life. is she pregnant right now?”

“no. but for some reason she was pregnant in my dream.”

“so, you want kids?” i asked. if he had a dream that she had a miscarriage, he surely wants kids.

“oh yeah, i really want kids.”

“you look like you’d be a good dad.”

he smiled. “you really love jenna.” i asked, no i didn’t ask, i said. i knew his answer would be yes, because why would it be no.

“yes i do.”

“it definitely makes sense. you did write the rest of that song for her.” i said, knowing that he knew what I was talking about.

“y-yeah i did.” he said, feeling some guilt, because he might have hurt my feelings.

he shifted his position. “but if course, you just happen to know josh. if you didn’t know josh, you wouldn’t hear the song because it will never be on the radio.”

“what if it did come in the radio?”

“none of our songs really come on the radio.”

“not stressed out and ride, and heathens?” i asked, because those do come in the radio.

“those are the popular ones. i mean the good ones.” he said.

i was confused. he could see that. “the good ones are the ones that are deep down. deep in my depression.”

“but the popular ones are good too.”

“if they’re overplayed, some people will get annoyed because it’s the only thing that ever plays. like stressed out. it’s a good song, but when it’s played too much I fear that people will start to think it’s annoying.”

“oh.”

“so, are you mad?”

“about what?” i asked, distracted.

“smithereens.” he muttered, regretting that he said that. he didn’t really want to remind me.

“oh. i’m not mad, per say. i’m just disappointed. but was your choice to do that, so i don’t really have a right to get mad.”

“yes you do! the first verse was for you!”

“nah, it’s okay.” i said, completely ignoring the fact that it still hurt.

“so i take it you’ve completely moved on now?” he asked.

“i did a while ago. even though it was really hard.” i uttered out, but it sounded like i was still sad.

“ok good, i didn’t want things to be awkward.” he said. he was probably like ‘phew’ in his head.

“yeah...” i muttered rather quietly.

“are you, by any chance, seeing anyone?” he smirked, i don’t know why he smirked. probably ‘cause he wanted to see if i like josh.

“yes, but they’re probably not seeing me back.”

“what letter does his name start with?” tyler asked eagerly.

“it starts with b.” i said. no, it didn’t really start with a b.

“aw man.”

“what?” i asked. “that’s not the letter i’m looking for.”

i stood up and went to get a glass of water. “just kidding. it doesn’t start with a b. what? are you looking for a j?” i asked, he probably was, because was trying to look for someone for josh to marry or something. i’m probably not the best person though.

he smiled, but stayed silent.

“oh. oh. you’re trying to be the matchmaker for josh.” i said as i poured the water in my glass.

he nods silently.

“wow.”

“what? he’s single! and what’s not to like? look at him!” he pointed to sleeping josh.

he’s right, josh is a pretty cute sleeper.

“it’s not like i don’t like him! i’m not saying that! i mean, he is a really cute napper, but that’s not the point!”

“who do you like?” he asked, “this isn’t high school.”

that’s true...

“ugh! why do you want to know?”

“here! i’ll tell you who i like! i like jenna!”

“i know that! you’re married to her for crying out loud!” i whisper-shouted.

he sighed. “do you at least think josh is cute?”

“of course he’s cute!”

“do you like him?”

i looked down. “i don’t wanna tell you that.”

“ha! so you do like him!”

“i never said that!!”

another time of the skips

~breakfast~

we were currently all at a table eating breakfast. i made eggs, bacon, and sausage.

“oh josh! i forgot to tell you! y/n likes-“ i covered his mouth, which was full of food.

“PICKLES! i like pickles!” i immediately shouted. tyler stuck his tongue out so i quickly removed it.

“eww!”

josh made a face like tyler was dumb. “tyler, i know she likes pickles.”

“that’s not what i was gonna say!” tyler glared at me. i smiled triumphantly.

“wait when did y’all talk??”

“uhh this morning. i’d say about four.” tyler answered.

“why?” he asked. i see why josh asked though, why would you be up that early?

“i fell off a cliff in my dream and screamed when i woke up. and i woke him up.”

“huh...why didn’t i hear that?” josh wondered quietly. “i have no idea.” tyler said.

“what did i miss?”

“oh we are just talking about what i liked.”

i said, avoiding the word who.

“so what does she like then?” josh asked.

“correction! who does she like!”

“...what?”

“she likes youuuu!” he said in a sing-song voice.

i slapped tyler in the face. “ow.”

“oh. so you do like me.” josh smirked.

i laid my head down in embarrassment.

“what do you mean? did you already think i liked you?”

“no, it’s just way more obvious now because you slapped tyler in the face.” he said

“oh.” i stood up. “well i’m gonna go now.” i said, embarrassment filling my emotions.

“no wait! don’t go!”

i looked back at him like he was crazy. why? tyler just embarrassed me and i don’t even know if josh likes me back. can i just go?

“why?” i asked.

“because i like you too.”

realization hit my face. oh wow. i’m so dumb.

“oh. in that case...” i sat back down with a goofy grin.

tyler cleared his throat and started clapping. “BRAVO!!! THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!” he applauded.

thE EnD

yey.

hey!! i hope you liked part two! pls like and comment :))❤️

[movedto-mementomoreeyes]

so i saw newsies twice this weekend at my local community college

these are some important things from each show

first of all their jack looked exactly like jerjor?? he was so good

like when i first saw him i was like Huh is that baby jeremy jordan? little teenage jerjor?

anyway crutchie was also very cute he had a pretty face and fluffy brown hair and fuck my uwus

they kinda rushed their lines throughout but it was all kids and not like a Pro Production so,, i’m lettin em off the hook for tht

the santa fe prologue was so,, pretty and lyrical just like in the soundtrack i was yellin

also this is when i’ll note there’s two string players in the pit and the violin is my orchestra teacher at school so i got to say “YOU SUCK” when i saw her at intermission before raving abt how AMAZING SHE IS LIKE DUDE SHE’S THE ONLY VIOLIN OUT OF TWELVE PEOPLE AND SHE CARRIED SO WELL

race was so short?? he was very short and very chaotic

also he wore a big red flannel and i was like “thts definitely not his” and i’ll get to this again later

albert was also very short and had a higher voice (race’s was surprisingly deep) and i was ,, he’s so cute albert was very cute

ALSO SPECS WAS A GIRL. SHE WAS THE BEST CAST MEMBER.

race: chatting w specs from another part of the lodging tower thing // albert: sneaks the cigar from race’s back pocket // race, whipping around: HEY TH

carrying the banner had so much! energy! and they did a bit of the original choreo from the live recording it was rlly good

there were a lot of girlsies and one of them (splasher) went to my school a while back and she was so GOOD

ALSO THEY HAD A BOOTS

katherine looked and sounded like sarah schauer and she was,, so good

romeo was very very tall like i went out after the show and i hit his shoulders (i’m 5’9”.)

so many pirouettes. so much jumping over each other.

oscar was very very tall?? and morris was rlly short i was like Whoa!

also oscar was triple cast as jacobi and the guy jack sells davey’s pape to he was so talented

“whatEVER. happened. to ROMANCE!”

crutchie was so sweet. he was so sweet.

davey was so awkward in his vest and tie and button-up

and les was so EXPRESSIVE the whole time he was so talented

they all only got like 1-2 papes each but thts bc they only had one stack to grab from so it was ok but it was funny when jack counted davey’s one pape over and over again before WHOA NEW KID’S RIGHT

i’m sayin this now. i’m so sorry to the ppl i sat beside and in front of bc i went feral through the whole thing

also i’m sorry to ethan for going feral On him bc i’d grab his hand when i got rlly excited so i didn’t Flap Flap Flap and Kick Time

pulitzer was so tall and proud and his stage presence,, wow

ALSO SEITZ WAS PLAYED BY A GIRL AND I YELLED

she and hannah were very cute and seitz’s dress was so PRETTY

pulitzer’s voice was so good,, wow

davey yellin PAPER! PAPER! EVENIN PAPE HERE! was so cute bc when he got turned down he was :0?

n then he was >:0 when jack lied and more >:0 when les lied

“our father taught us not to lie” “yeah? mine taught me not to STAHVE”

SNYDER WAS ACTUALLY SCARY HE WAS SO SO SCARY TO ME

he had this weird cape-coat thing and a cane he kept drumming his fingers on and a bowler hat

the chase scene was a lot longer than normal???

medda was white which made me :\ but she was still very talented and motherly so

my girl splasher was a bowery beauty and she hammed it up so much more than the other girls i’m sorry i had to say what’s true

that’s rich was so good and i rlly liked the set for the bowery!! it was rlly pretty

also bunsen’s role as the theatre man looked like a carnival hawker i giggled @ his pinstriped vest

katherine nearly smacked jack when she yelled DO YOU MIND??

jojo was played by a girl and she and race were doin their sirens is like lullabies to me thing and when he said “the further away from you i sleep” she punched him in the arm

RACE MISPRONOUNCED HOI POLLOI AND I DIED

also race was very confused at all the headlines i think he was being played as “can’t read counts on the others” which i love

ALSO HE TRIED COUNTING KN HIS FINGERS AND IKE HAD TO HELP HIM OUT

speaking of ike she was so pretty and expressive and she and specs (judging from their relationship portrayed in this) r in lesbians

when they were doin their lil bit before davey explaining a union crutchie seemed like he just wanted to sell papes even if it was more expensive and my heart,

“what’s a statement of PORPOISE”

race was still confused after davey explained my boy

world will know!!!! was so good!!!!!!

WHEN LES WAS YELLIN @ THE DOOR HE WAS SO ANGRY

THEY WERE ALL SO ANGRY

jacobi had a limp and he was hunched over

“we launched our strike in a most auspicious manner!” “[ad lib of what??]” “auspicious means-“ “I DUNNO ABOUT THAT. B”

also mush was also a girlsie!! she had braids and she was a cutie

race was a bit more hesitant when denying taking brooklyn??

also race got the bowery and he was like “and I. got the bowery. >:D”

KATHERINE WAS ABT TO THROW HANDS W JACK EVERY TIME HE MADE A COMMENT

watch what happens was a bit off-beat but kath’s voice was so GOOD

saturday night was better

also on the “cocky little son of a-“ line she tried to strangle the typewriter

“if you see brooklyn, then they’re with us” cue race looking into the distance with hand binoculars

seize the day!!! holy shit!!!!!!

all the scabs were girls. my uwus fell

DANCE BREAK DANCE BREAK OH MY GOD THEY FUVKING

CRUTCHIE DID GUARD SHIT W HIS CRUTCH!!! I YELLED

ALSO SPECS DID THE NEWSPAPER TURN TOMMY BOY DID IN LIVESIES AND FUCK!!!!! MY UWU SUPPLY IS DEPLETING

when they got to the cops and romeo was like THEY’RE SLAUGHTERIN US he got punched in the gut and crawled offstage and my heart. oh god

SANTA FE WAS SO RAW AND GOOD AND JACK WAS LIKE. SOBBING

and when he said “close his eyes and GO” it was more like “close his eyes and-,,,, go,,,,,,,,,” and my HEART

act two!! act two was so Good

during the ya erster bit race kept yelling YA ERSTER over and over again and everyone was like WTF DO U MEAN and eventually albert had to. RACE WHAT DO YOU MEAN. and they all yelled OYSTER at him in unison it was rlly cute

KONY WAS SO GOOD

WHEN KATH DID HER FIRST SPLIT SHE JUST DROPPED DOWN INTO A FRONT SPLIT AND MY JAW D R O P P E D

also specs’s tap solo,,, man

it went specs, then elmer, then race for the tap solos on the table and they were all so GOOD

everyone in the audience was screaming and shouting at the end and i was like EEEEE

letter from the refuge hit me like a fuckimg truck. i forgot abt it and then i saw the candle and was like oh no oh no oh no

snyder yelled @ crutchie to shut up at the end and fuck i’m not kidding when i say he scares me

watch what happens reprise was so good but davey’s voice broke on “poor GUY’S head is spinning”

it wasn’t a fluke ig he can’t hit tht in his belting voice

also when les said “and i’ve got a date!” someone said YEAH YOU DO

when seitz did her bit during bottom line reprise she hit an e5 and whoa. whoa wig

wiesel was the one tht took jack to the cellar and he was rlly rlly mean through it all and :(

OH GOD BROOKLYN!!!

BROOKLYN WAS 80% LITTLE KIDS

spot was played by an understudy and he was LITERALLY LIKE 8 AND HE WAS SO LITTLE MY HEART

THEY LIFTED HIM ON THEIR SHOULDERS AND HE GOT THE WHOLE VERSE TO HIMSELF AND I SCREAMED

I WAS GOING FUCKING FERAL OK

his stage presence was so,, intense he commanded the whole stage and i was SHOOK

saturday night he was played by a rlly cute boy and he rolled his r’s when he talked and oh god. oh god he’s cute.

and he and race were the ones that switched today so guess ypt newsies said sprace is canon

when jack and kath kissed the first time everyone was like Oh?

during something to believe in the sax squeaked and i nearly lost my shit

THEIR HARMONIES THO. JACK HAD A RIFF THT WASN’T IN THE LIVE SND I FELL TO THE FLOOR

(friday night) suspicion confirmed. at once and for all race had the flannel of i think romeo’s brooklyn boy like they switched and i was >:3!

albert was double cast as bill and mike was double cast as darcy and AAAA

the printing press was so steampunk i yelled

DURING OAFA LIKE THE LAST CHORUS THEY WERE HANDING OUT NEWSIES BANNERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS I’M GONNA TRY N GET ONE TODAY

update bc i was dressed as a newsie romeo looked at me and said “look like you already joined, huh?”, winked, and kept going i’m so,

i don’t have much to say except spot was brooding the whole time in pulitzer’s office

ALSO CRUTCHIE HIT SNYDER IN THE JUNK W HIS CRUTCH AND IT LOOKED LIKE IT HURT

specs accidentally ripped her pape at the end and oscar was like you ain’t gettin a new one and then she :(ed until he gave her a new one

I WENT FERAL DURING THE CURTAIN CALLS

also when they were all outside lined up on friday i had to kneel to b face to face w spot he was so tiny

saturdays spot was still short but not as short

SNYDER HAD A SWEET FACE BUT HE WAS STILL SCARY

but most importantly i had to tell specs she was my favourite and she just. AAAAAAAA like ME WATCHING HER

UPDATE JACK AND DAVEY GAVE ME HUGS AND RACE AND I SHOOK HANDS AND DAVEY LOOKS AND SOUNDS LIKE WILL ROLAND

that’s all folks!

[boobdolan]

a review of melodrama (2017) by lorde

hey what’s up it’s your boy b-dawg. the b is for boobs as in breasts. this post is a track-by-track review of melodrama, the grammy-nominated sophomore studio album by ella yelich-o’ connor (aka lorde), a new zealand singer-songwriter who likes to dance funny and eat onions. her first album was pure heroine which was pretty big bc i think people (angsty teens) related to her songs about being an angsty teen.

i’m gonna keep it real with you chief. when i first heard green light (the lead single from the album) i thought it was pretty ass. but you know what. i’m an ass man despite my username. so eventually by some karmic circumstance i was reintroduced to the album and i realised: “hey! this is pretty dope! 😎” and then i ended up writing a 4000-word extended essay on it for the IB. but that’s another story.

green light is also the first track on the album, and it’s a hella effective one. with its intro bringing listeners acapella ella™️ over sparse piano chords, it kicks open the door to the sound of melodrama and immediately subverts any expectations for a pure heroine 2.0. as the song progresses we get additional elements of new and old - the boom-bap drums recall the hip-hop influences that permeated pure heroine, while her high-pitched backing vocals in the chorus introduce listeners to new vocal stylings from a singer who was previously known for being a Cool Bean who was Too Cool for all that stuff.

as the maximalist bop green light ends, listeners are thrown even further away from the sound of pure heroine with sober. personal note: sober was the song i most liked on the album upon first listen. and I can see why. it’s because i’ve got good taste! from the spacey uber-processed backing vocals to the bongo beat to the horns in the chorus, the song’s really unlike much else in the pop scene today. i especially like the “night, midnight, lose my mind” intro because when i first heard it i was like “wtf???? cool 🤠” anyway, point is, ella and her bf did well on this track.

at this point one might think, “this girl has a thing for acapella intros to her songs”. and she does! homemade dynamite starts, like an action movie, in situ, with its musings about top gun and the house party that the album is conceptually based around. one thing i love about the song is its synths. the 80s inspiration is obvious, with the synth pad emulating the iconic Fairlight sound on kate bush’s running up that hill. however, the moodiness of the synth pad is contrasted with a sprightly riff that comes in every now and then, emphasising that Potent Teenage Mix of Emotions™️ that the album is focused around. lorde also uses contrast in her lyrics, pairing wordy, literary, stream-of-consciousness style verses with almost childish phrases like “know I think you’re awesome, right???” it’s things like this that really encapsulate the state of being teenaged to me - that uncertain transitional period between adolescence and adulthood.

the following song starts with a very indie-sounding guitar, which is an unconventional sound for a lorde song. but the louvre is so typically lordey in that it shows off one of her greatest skills - the ability to create memorable, quotable lines with unique phrasing. who else would think of stammering the line “i overthink your punctuation use”?? who else would think of using a spoken “broadcast the boom boom boom boom and make ‘em all dance to it” as a hook??? another thing of note in this song is its extended U2-esque instrumental outro, courtesy of jack antonoff. sometimes when i listen to it, i understand why ella is banging him.

jack then mumbles the intro to the next song and starts playing the piano. after a few bars, ella joins him and her voice basically has sex with his tinkling on the ivories. liability is objectively great. lyrically, she reaches mind-bending extremes that many of her contemporaries can only dream of achieving. there’s a verse where she goes “home, into the arms of the girl that [she] loves” which is very interestingly constructed - it hits listeners with the initial shock of “oh wait is ella coming out” and just Leaves It for a few lines. and theN BOOM!!!! she’s actually talking about herself. that’s pretty cool. one other thing is her rhyme scheme in the line “the truth is, i am a toy that people enjoy ‘til all of their tricks don’t work anymore” which has a devastating effect that always gets me, even though it greatly takes advantage of her bananies voice.

now the listener is halfway through the album, and at this point they’re likely as hard as the feelings in the title of the next song. hard feelings/loveless brings us back into the world of electronic drums and synths after the minimalism of liability, and it does so excellently, providing an ambient atmosphere with its muffled beat and echoey distorted guitar. this song used to be one of my least favourites on the album because I thought the L O V E L E S S chant in the second part sounded kinda dumb and edgy. but then i watched lorde’s performance of the song for VEVO and ?????? WtF????? it really shines with a small choir and a boombox. fantastic. i also appreciate the little paul simon sample that bridges the two parts together - it’s a rare example of lorde wearing her influences on her sleeve for this album. also paul simon is one cool mf. i pop my pussy to graceland 24/7. 😎👌

taking a note from jack antonoff’s albums, the next song is a reprise, which have been used by many artists after the beatles to say “hey look my album is cohesive!” even though the only reason why it’s cohesive is because it’s cohesively shit. that’s not the case with sober II (melodrama), which functions as a response to the first sober. the parent song’s repeated calls of “can you feel it?” are immediately countered in sober II’s first line: “you asked if i was feeling it, i’m psycho high”. that’s cool because it reinforces the house party concept of the album. however, while i think the strings and trap drums combo sounds cool on paper, this production choice is the album’s first misstep because it sounds like jack put together 2 apple loops on garageband that didn’t quite fit.

luckily, before lorde turns into one of the migos, we’re treated with another piano song - writer in the dark. a word about lorde’s vocal performance in this song: WOW!!!!!!!!!! 😃😃😃 good stuff! in the verses, her raspy, imperfect voice highlights the intimacy and personal nature of the lyrics. in the chorus, she double tracks her voice and sings with a more round tone, which gives the eerie effect of sounding a bit like kate bush. it’s ok. i’m a bush man too. jack does a little production trick in the outro where ella sings the hook progressively louder as he fades out her vocal and lets the song be overtaken by strings. while it’s cool, i feel like he quite obviously snagged it from the outro of david bowie’s “heroes”, where a similar trick was achieved by the production god brian eno. jack then did it again on the song slow disco by st. vincent later in the year. side note: i’m still kinda pissed about what he did to st. vincent’s masseduction. more on that another time.

the next song, which should’ve been a single, features the metaphor of a supercut. i’m not sure how i feel about that because, on one hand, the term feels very millennial, like a better-written version of katy perry’s save as draft. you know what i mean? like those songs that aged fast - crazy in love with its pager reference, and payphone with its..... payphone reference. on the other hand, a supercut is pretty timeless, as montages have been used in cinema since the french first figured out how to make moving pictures. and the word sounds cool, so it’s ok i guess. but that’s beside the point. the song’s really nice, with some very interesting moments. one notable instance is lorde’s phrasing and the instrumentation in the prechorus - “in your car, the radio on”. the instrumentation just stops for a beat after ella sings the line, in a genius move that makes the song Even More Boppable!!. another moment is how the beat changes during the final choruses - from mellow, with her voice sounding like it’s coming out of a cassette player, to full, regaining all the instrumentation of the original choruses. then the song ends with a weird echoey vocal outro that’s a fantastic moment for me, especially after the intensity of the final choruses. boner time!!!!! 😃 one last cool thing about the song is that i feel the line “so I fall into continents and cars” is an Excessively paul simon thing to say. it’s one of those abstract things that just sounds GREAT, like “fat charlie the archangel sloped into the room” from his song crazy love, part II.

speaking of part twos, the end of supercut transitions into the bassy, atmospheric synths of liability (reprise). unfortunately, i still haven’t gotten round to fully appreciating this song. to me, it’s the biggest misstep on melodrama. don’t get me wrong - it’s a nice enough song, it’s really chill, but it feels slight because of its association to the majestic, melodic liability. apart from their lyrics, there’s not much that links the two. i feel that liability needed no reprise; it’s a work that stands on its own. i felt the same way about yandhi when kanye west announced it. yeezus doesn’t need another album associated to it! it’s perfection by itself. also, someone pointed out that the drums on liability (reprise) are the same as those on taylor swift’s call it what you want, and the last time taylor and jack screwed up a great indie artist’s work was fast slow disco, which we don’t talk about in this house.

finally, we come to the end of lorde’s house party with perfect places. and what a brilliant ending it is. there’s something so stirring about the drum beat, with its crunchy, decisive snare. there’s something equally moving about the synths and chord progression in the chorus, which give me chills like loud organs echoing in a church. when put together, they sound industrial, menacing, as if they move into your soul and alienate you from your own body. but at the same time, they’re an emotional release, a source of comfort like bruce springsteen’s cathartic 70s and 80s albums. another cathartic element - the use of the word “fuck” in the chorus. i could write a whole essay on it tbh. to me, it represents an intensely freeing release of the bad vibes and negativity in one’s life - for lorde, perhaps, her failed relationship and the state of the world in 2016. you know how studies have shown that when you shout “FUCK!!!!😡😡” after hitting your toe on furniture, it helps ease the pain? it’s like that. so while saying something taboo on the record is such an edgy angsty teenage thing to do, but also reflects lorde’s release from her pain. or maybe i’m reading too much into it.

the album ends as it begins, with ella’s bare vocals, reminding us that she is once again the Queen of Indie Pop. overall, melodrama gets a

9/10

for being really cool. peace out bitches. 🤠