#god i love jayvik SO MUCH IT HURTS

[sliva6608]

a little gift for my friend’s birthday

to use viktor’s gear as a wedding ring was entirely his idea and i thought it would be nice to make his dream come true

[pinkpastels113]

Tell us how you feel about arcane. Use your emotion words! Use a visual aid if you must, too lol.

you want some visual aid? i'll give you some visual aid:

that describes perfectly ab how i am feeling rn

first of all the LESBIAN SEX SCENE????!! I-??!! i knew that something was bound to happen (esp after meljay and the rated for sex warning in season 2) and i celebrated when they (finally) kissed but oh my god?? an actual lesbian sex scene? in a prison?? in vi's sister's prison?? after a parallel about how cait is always finding her in a prison and expected her to be there?? (with dramatic music and banter and soft giggling and the ANGLES and HAND PLACEMENTS??) I AM NOT OKAY

just that scene alone is enough to nudge me off a cliff. but moving on

how is JAYVIK more homoerotic than now-100%-canon caitvi?? that's all i have to say. (what do you MEAN that love conquers all?? that he loved and admired viktor for all his imperfections and that was what made him special and beautiful?? GET OUTTA HERE)

i did not know that i needed timebomb until this season but HOLY FUCKING SHIT why must you make ekko fall (surprisingly, even to himself) in love with jinx/older powder and have that ripped away from him not like two days later?? WHYYYYY (the dance. the "can we pretend it's like the first time?" the "oh and he's got lines." the nervous wave after he fucked up in that scene with dead vi and powder was like hmp and he goes :(. the mural. im sent. im gone. nobody speak to me.)

ISHA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (she was just trying to be like jinx and copy everything that she does and is and looked up to her as a hero STOP WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME. also the song?? IM CHINESE BRO AND I WAS SOOOO EMOTIONAL OVER THE LYRICS like hit me where it fucking hurts why dont you)

i cried at how vander suffered a fate worse than death. @becasbelt can attest to that

caitlyn adfshjk i knew she would come around and she was and always has been my blorbo (even if she stayed evil) MWAH my female rage filled, slightly wild, grief clouded, confident, "im an excellent shot," sexy, " i am a decorated officer, leader of house kiramman, address me with respect, or keep your mouth shut." dictator, vampire, badass, mofo. YES

the way she said "no amount of good deeds can undo our crimes" hit me bc she's acknowledging that she went off the rails and did some pretty bad things to justify and achieve (which she didn't. not really) her goals

i LOVED jinx in this season. she single-handedly made it a comedy show and was the sole focus of a lot of the emotional damage the storytellers and animators wanted to convey

the way jesus came to be and then quickly became evil SDFHSDKJ i was legit like WEEO WEEO ABORT ABORT JESUS HAS TURNED EVIL (also want to point out the "no you wont" sky dialogue bc DAMN she really called you out huh viktor)

that alternate universe timebomb episode had me gasping so much (like SILCO?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?? what do you mean everyone is well and happy but at the cost of vi's death???) i think i had asthma for a split second there

MELLLL MY GODDESS MVP PLAYER you saved cait's ass so many times it's not even funny and ugh the way you finally stood up to your mom (very cleverly too, i might add) ugh i applaud

EKKO MY KINGGG the way he hurts himself so bad turning back time and specifically saving jinx from offing herself BYE

HEIMERDINGER MY TINY ANNOYING/affectionate FURBALL WHYY

no but yea i am ruined and my emotions have faded away into numbness and i hope this post was relatable to the people in the arcane fandom and i also agree that this season was way too condensed and rushed and the last episodes in particular needed at least a couple more to drag out the events and character development bc at times when i am supposed to be cheering i am crying and at times i am supposed to be crying i am screaming and at times i am supposed to be screaming i am Horny and at times i am supposed to be Horny my heart is wrenching but only a few tears slip out bc IT IS CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE AGAIN??? does that make sense??

(also do we think jinx is actually dead or no. im still not sure but obv i would hope/am hoping that she is lmao)

[jinxini]

thoughts while watching episode 2! ☆

summary: necessary amount of love for jinx, unnecessary amount of child hate lmao

oh my baby girl i love u it's ok don't be sad please

jinx focused episode let's gooo

me: omg was that a flash of powder?!

*rewinds*

me: ...who the fuck is that.

me: oh no. oh no. this kid is important enough to make it to the intro, jinx is going to take care of this child isn't she. that sure is... a choice

oh no the kid is here

ugh for me personally the only thing worse they could have done is make her pregnant or have a baby. i hate storylines like this im so sorry. it's different when the parent-child relationship is like the main focus or the premise of the show/movie (the mandalorian, the last of us, the walking dead game, silco taking care of powder who's the main character), but when a random ass child shows up years late to the party and needs someone to take care of them and the child character has no previous connection to the audience... i really dislike that in stories im so sorry. leave jinx alone

also, in what world is jinx ready to be a mother figure to anyone lmao she's very much stuck in a child-like state herself half the time. this is not what she needs, we both deserve better

i like the child's design though

honestly, i hope arcane makes me take all that i just said back, but we'll see

jinx i love you

her voice is so good, the voice acting is sooo good oh my god

does she kinda have a different vibe or is it just me?

honestly thought she would be doing a lot worse than she is. good for her!

don't get me wrong, i get that from the orphan's point of view jinx just saved her life and she's clearly super strong, what else is she supposed to do than follow

what i'm saying is that i personally do not want jinx to take care of a child right now. i want this to be about the sisters. the fact that i don't like this is on me, the writers can obviously do whatever they want with their story buuut.....

sevika<3

can't wait for her and jinx to team up

wait does sevika even know that jinx was the one who killed silco?

i don't know what's going on with viktor and whatever he's saying here is not helping

did she though?

everything viktor does now is so slow. the way he speaks, the way he moves...

im not a jayvik girlie but i imagine that those who are felt rly sad after this scene

ekko my boy! the biker mouse from mars can speak?

my brother: he really does look like one

i literally facepalmed and my brother groaned

ekko please ditch this creature you're better on your own

shut up. you're not cute, you're not funny.

i should probably clarify that heimer is my least favourite character in the show, i kinda have no patience for anything he does 😂

i literally said DO IT JAYCE out loud

this made me laugh

same, ekko, same.

can we talk about the way he's holding the cup lol

it's also kinda funny and kinda sad at the same time that this is probably his first time tasting tea

SHUT UUUUPPPP

i screamed

vi? nooo, what the hell 😫 i thought it was the bad guys after her but no it's VI? don't hurt jinx like this, don't hurt me like this

the animation is making me feel like i'm the one who can't breathe damn

hasn't my girl been through enough?? stooooppp

this looked really cool though

there's no way those were the only two times he saw her cry

also, she's insane, blinking and getting even closer. i am obsessed with her

YESSSHHHH

after getting her ass kicked by vi and jinx repeatedly in season 1, i have a feeling this is a battle she's finally going to win 😆

the whole-body movement she did here, so cute, i love her so much 😭

GET JINXED OMG!!!!!!!! 💙💙💙💙💙

holy shit you can always trust arcane with fight scenes

my brother: no one does fight scenes better than arcane.

me: i know right?! that was so good! best scene in season 2 so far!

brother: yep.

oh wow ok. girl, 1st of all, ew. 2nd of all, that thing was like 80% machine what was there left for you to eat? 3rd of all... this begs the question, what do these people eat, exactly? do they draw the line at cannibalism but everyone else is fair game? huh.

i doubt the people in piltover eat like this

no, let's not do that<3

what is he, jesus? this is a bit too much.

[oddp1ant]

A handful of loose reflections I wanna put down before time moves on, things change etc

One, Viktor. The biggest thing I'm feeling right now is grief. We knew he was doomed from the start, to lose parts or all of himself, but seeing it happen still hurts. I was unsettled during act 1, feeling so much of him was already lost with little fanfare - would the narrative just move on? I'm actually mollified by this second death, seeing it delivered with narrative and emotional weight, even if we haven't gotten the (Jayce's) reasoning for it yet. Plus, I'm fairly confident we've yet to see his final evolution. So again, he was already (mostly) gone, but now it's like the narrative has acknowledged it, too. Even less will be left off him in his final form, but by god, I hope it's his wrath. If he's truly left an empty shell for the arcane I think I'll cry.

Second, Jayce. What the hell man. Explain yourself. Ngl I love him so much, seeing him get cut up with a chainsaw and apparently run through the arcane autoclave was oddly satisfying. Both him and Mel felt a bit, idk, like they'd gotten a PR treatment in arc 1? Like I love the "my place is here in the lab with you" and "Viktor will return to us" as much as the next guy but both of these characters have been very shitty to Viktor very recently and erasing that feels too cheap. I'm glad to see Jayce return to making Big Swings in the worst possible direction. I only wish he'd said something to Viktor before. Well. Y'know.

Speaking of Mel, I absolutely love the arc she's getting. Even just the fact that she's getting an independent arc, tbh. Most beautiful woman in the world is also magic? Gays stay winning.

And it feels almost redundant to mention but. The sister arc. Suffice to say I'm chewing drywall. The scene in the glow mushroom tunnel. Vander. Possible Vi Jinx Cait teamup in act 3. Love me some natural character/relationship development!!!!!!

Side note: love the ambiguity whether Vander is actually at least Vi's bio dad. Get it, you dog.

I'm not ready to talk about Isha.

Finally, I'm feeling a peculiar kind of melancholy for the diverse but largely congruent Divorce Era fanon that sprung up in between seasons - the visions of Machine Herald and Defender of Tomorrow built from an amalgamation of League and Arcane, making a shared space for creators to play in that has birthed some of my very favorite stories. It's been so, so much fun and I'm floored by how much of it was really founded in shared fandom interpretation and imagination. Now that Arcane canon has set out its own, unique direction, I wonder if this nebulous genre and its characters - a Machine Herald that is neither of League nor Arcane but all our own, the meeting and friction points between Jayces Giopara and Talis - will fade into the past, a weird limbo between the solid pillars of canon, or if its grounding in league lore will keep it alive.

- Honorable mention to the fics where arcane-adjacent and league-ish versions of jayvik meet and fuck absolutely nasty about it. You're the real ones. I could (and have, thank you to my very patient, non-fic reading friend) talk for hours about the complexity and depth of character explored in robotfucking timetravel porn. And none of it, not just the stories but the shared framework and subtext they're based upon, would exist without the beautiful minds of fans! Thank you ily.

[skoff-the-artist]

Finished arcane s2 yesterday...

You know what? It's good, okay.

I wish the story had 5 seasons to unfold instead of 2. The end product feels really cramped, unfortunately, and I liked the pacing only in ep7 i think, overall it's very saturated w different major events, and my head was hurting at ep8-9.

I think animators, artists and writers did their best condensing the story into 2 seasons. Could be better w 5, but it's not their fault it's 2 instead, alr. Arcane is beautiful, and as an artist I appreciate it the most.

Powder and Ekko? Peak. My boy had his own multiverse thing going. Episode 7 made me really happy.

Jinx is alive and that's basically a confirmed fact. Loved her design AND her hair changes this season. Did Ekko help her cut her hair extra short like she has it in the last ep, I wonder..🤔god, these two.

Jayce's little silent hill? LEAVE MY CANCELLED WIFE ALONE!!!!!!

Viktors new body? Ehhh. It's too organic for my liking, but I guess it works :p the third arm seems a bit out of place in this design tho

Jayvik? Don't even talk to me. It's peak fiction. Even ao3 could never reach this LEVEL. They be getting FREAKY w it. And it's basically canon too! So much love for them both.

CaitVi? Still don't like 'em, sorry. At least Vi deserves better than what she got imo... I don't really like Cait as a person. As a character she's alright. I was happy when they were happy and was sad when they were sad, but ultimately this ship isn't for me. Maybe if it was done differently, I'd like it more🤔..

Mel is MY WIFE🙏✨got her glow up when I thought she's perfect already. Loved her arc and her new abilities.

Hate that Piltover wasn't held accountable for its crimes against Zaun🙂they just glossed over one of the main plot points of the show, smothering it with the noxian war plot or whatever.

So, yeah, that's what I think about it all. I have more things to say, but my eng vocab prob won't let me explain everything the way I want to. Many people on Twitter said it better and noticed more details than I did, so I'll just stick to liking their thoughts for now and pour my heart out on Tumblr instead.

[bean-spring]

I've seen a lot of people talking about the Jayce/Mel conversation in act 3 and how Jayce is right to have snapped at her because she was manipulating him. Or how he is the most awful man alive for doing so and not asking how she is because she certainly needs someone too. "Mel's manipulative", "Jayce is selfish", etc etc etc.

But people fail to realize that they're two damaged people who have been through life-changing experiences all of a sudden with nobody else to rely on and they handle things differently and, although some of them it is wrong, reacting incoherently is pretty much understandable.

Mel has just realized she's always had this power within her she doesn't know how to control yet. They're choosing her own blood and fate for her, instead, when all she's ever wanted to do is to do it for herself. She unconsciously protected Jayce in the explosion and now she's being blamed for it, too. Now that she finally has the chance to rely on someone she loves and trusts, Jayce is out of it too. And it's messed up and she probably must've felt like shit, to put it plainly. BUT!

I can also see why Jayce would have snapped. Sometimes (and wow, it might sound wild for some of you) people say... Things they don't mean... Or fully believe!!! Jayce has been for god knows how long on his own going through the most traumatic experience of his life and dealing with his lonely, angry, depressing intrusive thoughts. So of course he wants someone to blame. Of course he needs to take out the anger somehow. And it's not okay, don't get me wrong, but I can see why it's Mel. Because after all, it's the easiest thing to do. And after all, they both have used each other (unconsciously. Perhaps on a deeper level and in the very blurry line between work and romance) and I think what Jayce says is true for him at that moment and he is feeling that way, but not really. And they end up making up and coming to terms with their relationship in the end. BUT! (again)

Mel also would have had all the right to snap at him for not giving a single fuck about her. She clearly had gone through her own hell too and he did nothing but attack her. She saved him, even if unconsciously, and now he complains about not saving Viktor too, as if she could control it. He mentions how she used him and Viktor for hextech but... That's her job. And it's not like Jayce wasn't taking benefits from the relationship either. Things got carried away when romance came between them tbh and "they both sort of used each other unconsciously for benefits (aka metaphor for science vs politics)" and "they truly loved and cared for each other" are things that can coexist. And not to mention Jayvik here but yes, even if you ship Jayvik and even if there were parallelisms and Jayce saw Viktor in her, he still loved her. For someone to be so confused and project these feelings there has to be some sort of love there, too, that theory doesn't erase the love they had.

But then again, going full circle, I understand why Jayce would snap at her because emotionally he was feeling like shit and honestly from his POV it's pretty much possible that he could see their situation as Mel being the one to blame at the moment. Even if she isn't and- [going in circles, going in circles...]

So long story short, I highly doubt there are rights and wrongs in this scene. It's just a damaged Jayce snapping at Mel for something he believes is true after going through a traumatic experience and Mel righteously seeking comfort after the same thing.

So if I see another take on this that isn't "they're both so hurt and they hurt each other in some ways and people just tend to act irrationally" I will riot

[waywardsou2]

I just finished Arcane

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

I have spent the last 20 minutes laying on my bed and visibly shaking and violently sobbing.

Did anyone else have a visceral and physical reaction to watching that finale?

I don't even know where to begin I'm kinda just writing whatever comes to my mind first (which is kinda hard because my hands are shaking)

That...I was all over the place whilst watching that ending. I mean I couldn't tell who was dead, who was alive. I couldn't even tell who the fuck was winning at some points.

I loved the alternate realities. The dramatic juxtaposition between the two realities and their original onces was insane.

Ekko's life with Jinx and them building the machine it took Jayce and Viktor fucking years to build and making it even better?! LIke how the fuck did they do that?!?1

And then...how Vi died in that universe and Jinx had a bit of her hair in her own Thor and Loki style was...it hurt my heart

AND FUCKING POWDER AND EKKO. My god everyone was winning with their ships today. I ship it so much I fucking love them

And then Jayce falling down that fucking ravine and then having to bUILD THE SAME FUCKING LEG BRACE VIKTOR HAD

LIKE CMON DO YOU WANT TO DIE OF HEART FAILURE?!?!?

I mean did he help Viktor make a new brace?! Or did he study the notes Viktor had on his own leg brace and commit them to memory? LIKE HOW IN THE NAME OF FUCK did he remember how to build that because it was almost exactly the same.

And then fucking climb out of that ravine and then all the way to the top of the academy

AND I FUCKING KNEW THAT MAGE GUY WAS VIKTOR FROM SEASON 1 I FUCKING KNEW IT

And everything made sense in the end. Like the writers did so well at tying up every important loose end. Every character had an answer of some sort and every plot point linked up again

They did so well

I want to marry the entire crew.

But the fact that Jayce kept fighting for Viktor. I hated how he smashed Viktor in episode 4 (and not in the way I would have liked, if you catch my drift)

But it made sense in the end.

And the fact that he saved Viktor, how gay could these two get seriously. Honestly if anyone want's to might me that Jayvik isn't canon come and get me. Because that is a confession if I have ever seen one and I will fucking fight anyone who agrees otherwise. You people are blind

SPEAKING OF SHIPS

FUCKING VI AND CAIT. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. A WAR WAS ABOUT TO BREAK OUT AND THEY DECIDED TO FUCK?!?!?

I mean good for them I wasn't complaining. Finally, we got another amazing ship even more confirmed. Double confirmed even

(I am still shaking so fucking bad right now)

Literally everyone one here.

Viktor x Sky, Viktor x Jayce, Jayce x Mel, Ekko x Jinx, Vi x Cait, Vander x Felicia, Vander x Silco

Fucking everyone won here I would say. There is enough content for all of these ships to argue about them being canon in some capicty

Props to the fucking writers for how amazing this was

This was good fucking media

Strong female characters without making the male characters incopetend

LGBT representation for Lesbians, Trans people, Gay people, Bi people and gender non conforming people

Almost everyone won here

We got fantasy, sci-fi, redemption, good villains, villains you love to hate. Literally every character was hot. We got allies to lovers to enemies to lovers. We had so much fucking whump and angst

Literally everything was right there

Are you fucking kidding me

This was made by the people for the people

And the fight scenes and the art and the juxtapose of all the characters stories plus all of the overlapping similarities.

I just...I can't get over it. I am still. fucking. shaking.

I have so much to write and draw about now. I was working on an OC of mine and now I have so many one-shots I want to write. I almost don't want to do any canon divergence or AUs because it is so good with how it is. Honestly I think this is the only peice of media I have no descrepincies with.

I literally wouldn't change a thing

Despite having many characters gone I would like back. I just wouldn't change it

OMFG AND JINX'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (i ALMOST FORGOT) ARE YOU KIDDING ME. HER WHOLE ARC THROUGHOUT THE SERIES WAS AMAING!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'll probably make another post after this is if I think of anything else but for now this is it.

(If I make a pt 2 you can find it here)

[echo-of-the-eye]

Arcane season 2 arc 3 live thoughts:

SPOILERS

• Damn the timebomb shippers are being fed tonight. Gotta admit I never really saw it but I think I get it now. They’re cute.

• Time travel and alternate dimensions is. Interesting? Not what I was expecting exactly but I don’t mind (well the time travel I kinda expected. I don’t know shit about lol but I’ve heard people say that’s part of ekko’s powers). It can be kinda an overdone trope but I think they did it really well.

• Alt powder is interesting. Find it hard to believe that she’s this.. stable? Even if she lived a much better life she still lost vi in a very traumatic accident that was TECHNICALLY her fault. And I think it’s been implied that she was predisposed to mental illness even as a child. That said she might still be having hallucinations but is just better at coping with them. It was sweet to see her happy though even if she was barely recognizable (which I guess is kinda the point)

• Also alt powder looks like Melanie king (as much as you can look like a character with no canon design, but you know what I mean)

• Was there? Something between mylo and claggor?? I swear they shared a look.

• Heimerdinger no! (Jk I don’t really care about him, he was fun I guess. And he can sing!?)

• The apocalyptic timeline was scary as hell. Jayce had it ROUGH. His actions are pretty understandable now. Still not quite out of the question mark zone.

• MEL!?!!!!

• Viktor is alive! Good for me. Probably terrible for everyone else.

• Oh. Oh Viktor. Noo….. oh he’s so problematic now.

• Oh jinx:(((( my heart

• VIKTOR!!?!! Oh god he’s gonna be the main antagonist isn’t he? I was afraid this would happen. “My partner died in this room” AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH yeah he did. That’s not Viktor anymore:( He’s an extension of the arcane.

• God my feelings about him are so complicated. He is so so wrong. But I stand by my cancelled wife.

• Ok they’re not allowed to do this to me. Jinx I love you.

• Pfft. Jayce’s outfit looks ridiculous.

• Oh topside and bottom coming together

• CAITVI LETS GOOOOO!

• In a prison cell? Really?

• Vander:(

• Oh god Viktor. I didn’t think it could get worse. I’m guessing this is what the lol fans have been talking about. I’m kinda sad honestly. Viktor is my second favorite (after jinx) and even though everyone in the show is morally gray (except maybe ekko) it still hurts to see a character I love basically become a villain. Like it’s a good story and arc, but still sad to see. Especially cause I wasn’t expecting it going into s2. I guess I can kinda comfort myself with the fact that it basically isn’t him anymore. It’s easier to accept that he’s dead and what we’re seeing is not him (which is what Jayce did) but at what point do we stop being ourselves?

• Alright final episode, let’s see how it goes.

• Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck starting of strong I see! Jiiinnxxxx!!! My girl:(

• Nooo Vi’s friend is dead:(

• MADDIE??!?!!!!??!!?!!!???! I FUCKING KNEW SHE WAS TERRIBLE!!! Guess she didn’t take the breakup well (jk I’m guessing she was with ambessa the whole time)

• HELL YEAH!!! JINX AND EKKO LETS GO!

• Gotta admit I’m not the biggest fan of jinx’s new look

• Ah fate vs free will. The good ole question. Love that shit. (Viktor are you secretly with The Web?)

• Hell yeah Mel!

• Ekko to the rescue! Truly the boy savior.

• Omgogmgmmtogmgmtmshhahajak

• I. Do not have the words. I’m a sobbing mess.

• Viktor’s still in there! DOOMED YAOI! They’re almost as good as jmart (though nothing could ever live up to them). Good shit. I am now fully on board the jayvik train. I love them so much! Gay love couldn’t save them but at least it could bring Viktor back to clarity for a moment. ALSO I FUCKING CALLED IT ON VIKTOR BEING TGE WIZARD!! I didn’t say anything cause either thought I was being stupid but when I first saw him in ep7 I thought it was Viktor at first and then got the feeling it was him before he sent Jayce back! There had to be a reason they were dressed so similar! The time travel is kinda fucking with me but damn. Viktor is the one who saved Jayce!

• Jinx;-; heartbreaking but it felt like a fitting end for her. Going out with the monkey bomb, taking Vander with her.

• They fucking killed both of my faves! At least vi and ekko are okay

• God that was so fucking good. Was kinda concerned at first, the battle was awesome but wasn’t really feeling the emotions. Jokes on me cause the emotions definitely hit me

[bringthekaos]

I know since Stranger things season 3 came out Running up that Hill will forever be tied to it in the eyes of the public (/neu), but my god the lyrics are Jayvik post MH. Vibe wise I think Placebo’s cover fits better than Kate Bush’s original.

Hnnnnnnn they are, and the perspective even switches back and forth between verses.

Viktor (MH):

It doesn't hurt me Do you wanna feel how it feels? Do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making?

Jayce:

And if I only could I'd make a deal with God And I'd get Him to swap our places Be runnin' up that road Be runnin' up that hill Be runnin' up that building If I only could

Both:

You don't wanna hurt me But see how deep the bullet lies Unaware that I'm tearin' you asunder Oh, there is thunder in our hearts, baby Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Oh, tell me we both matter, don't we?

Ooooof it's so beautifully tragic for Divorce Era. And Placebo's cover has haunted me for fourteen years. I know I was first exposed to it on some long-since cancelled TV show, but it forever altered my brain chemistry, and has been on pretty much every blorbo playlist since.

[thatoneneuvichiliauthor]

please i am IN LOVE with your hurt!jayce arcane fics 😭 you truly are doing gods work, like you are writing exactly what i need out of jayvik rn PLEASE CONTINUE WRITING MORE!!!

Aaaaaah thank you so much anon, I'm so happy you're enjoying my jayvik fics! And I will definitely write more, I have many more ideas I keep daydreaming about that I haven't put into words yet, so there will be more fics coming for sure ❤️

[tlonista]

I don’t have a good take here, but god, I spend so much time thinking about what the purpose of my writing is. There are basically two Booktok Discourse Wolves inside me at all times.

Wolf 1: It’s good that you have fun writing fanfiction about characters and situations that you like! The distinction between high and low media is artificial, and there’s nothing stopping your work from being artistically meaningful just because it’s not commercially published and it follows a style many people see as frivolous! You spent more time researching a Jayvik AU than you have ever even considered for a novel! Countless genres have been rehabilitated as “legitimate” fiction after years of being dismissed as trash!

Wolf 2: Oh cool it’s one of those people who thinks Marvel movies are the new Shakespeare. Forget the theoretical debates, you personally know that your work is repetitive melodrama meant to strike a few familiar emotional notes over and over with characters people only read about because somebody else made some pretty drawings of them. You could have seriously practiced your craft and produced real half-decent fiction that you could at least ever admit to creating with a straight face. Instead you went for the easy option of writing hurt/comfort about other people’s toys and justifying it with some English 101 bullshit about intertextuality.

And I mean, I want to say Wolf 2 is right because the hard thing to hear is supposed to be the right one. But I’m also pragmatic. The world does not need one more Clarkesworld story, whether or not I’m good enough to write it, and I’m not sure I am. I was never going to be the next Harlan Ellison or Jonathan Lethem or Jeff Vandermeer, let alone whatever non-genre writers people consider full-fledged literature. There’s not some essential truth I’d be getting at if I worked harder on the original stuff, god knows it’s a total mess when it happens. My writing has never been fueled by having something important to tell people, I just like writing and that requires telling something.

I’m also just… not being glib when I say that I’m dubious of Literature as a moral or aesthetic duty. Way more than art or music, a lot of people talk about fiction as nourishment — you’ve got “junk food” books that make you feel good and “vegetable” books that are serious and beautiful and improve you as a human being. But nutrients are scientifically measurable materials with predictable effects. Fiction’s “nourishingness” is a bunch of supposed virtues that seem about as reliable as roulette (understanding The Human Condition sure didn’t make a lot of male writers less awful to their wives) and apply better to nonfiction anyhow. If you want to Become More Empathetic by Learning New Perspectives, you should cut out the middleman and read about people’s real lives. You’ll probably improve your vocabulary along the way too.

So what’s the point of fiction, specifically? A comparison that fits me personally a little better is music. It’s fun and it hits something hard to define inside me, sometimes because it’s technically impressive and sometimes because it’s new and sometimes because it’s got this one chord progression that I love in anything. It benefits musicians to listen to stuff outside their normal comfort zone and develop instrumental skill, but as an outsider I don’t think of them as existing along a sliding scale of Musicianness the way that I’ve got an internal hierarchy of writing styles.

And unfortunately that puts me back with Wolf 1. I think if you like writing it’s bad to lock yourself into reading one genre, because it dramatically narrows the input you’re working with. But maybe writing about men I’m ambiguously attracted to getting hurt and cared for is just… like being really into garage revival. It’s not a moral and artistic failing. I just like the vibrations of three chords getting played real hard, and I want to make the absolute best version of that riff I can.

It keeps getting to me that there’s no path forward for that. There’s not a publishing deal or a magazine acceptance or any metric except raw AO3 popularity, really — no gold star that’s going to say I’m finally a real writer. But over the past year I’ve also had more people than I expected talk about how much they connected with a detail I added to a piece, or a line I wrote, or something. And it feels really good. It feels like the way people respond to “real” fiction, and it’s probably the reason I’ve done as much of this as I have. So like, there’s not an inspirational ending point here. But… thanks, everyone, I guess?