#god he sucks so bad

[onyourowndaisymae]

"are you plannin' to fuckin' scram anytime soon, or am i gonna have to run you off myself?"

your fingers still over the spine of a thick tome, stiffening at the sudden snarky comment from the other side of the library. the air is thick with his irritation as you turn to face him.

jude jazza sits opposite the bookshelf you're browsing. his ankles are crossed and propped up on the coffee table in front of him, just narrowly avoiding a mug you suspect is his (and also notice he's neglected to use a coaster underneath). the large, luxurious coat usually draped across his shoulders is instead neatly tossed over the back of the velvet loveseat. a small light illuminates the corner of the library he's in. in his hands is novel with the title obscured.

all in all, it appears the wicked businessman had come to the library to read in peace, something you unknowingly ruined by daring to enter the common area.

"uhh... sorry." the words feel heavy and dumb in your mouth. his glower from across the room pinned you in place. "i didn't... realize you were... in here."

"well, now ya do. so get the hell out of here. i'm trying to enjoy my afternoon."

as if to assert his point, jude slumps back a little further into the cushions, readjusting his feet until the heels of his polished shoes thump loudly against the wood underneath them. his eyes don't leave your stilled figure. if looks could kill, you'd be gasping for air-- all for the crime of intruding upon his afternoon.

you quickly turn back and begin to fumble with the bookshelf. you were grabbing... what, again? what was the name of it? all of the spines, with their foiled titles and fancy script, seemed to blend together with the pressure mounting in the room.

"what are ya even lookin' for, anyways?"

crass and nosey, it seems. still, though, it's in your best interest to stay on his good side.

"... i'm doing some research on the fairytale curses. i figured i'd start with william, since he's open to discussing his curse with me. so i'm looking for any information here about the queen of hearts curse."

jude snorts, loudly, and shakes his head. before you have time to ask him what could possibly be so funny about the mundane and arguably studious task you've been trying to do since entering the library, daggers fly from his mouth.

"look at ya, workin' so hard on that dumb ass job victor gave ya. fairy tale keeper, was it? fuckin' ridiculous." another amused snort. "looks like he found the most gullible broad for the job."

anger starts to build in your chest, and that smug grin on his sallow face makes you want to pluck a book off the shelf and spill that mug on his new shoes with one well-timed throw. you swallow hard and turn back to the shelves wordlessly. through your hazy gaze, you spot a title you'd been searching for. god, he makes you so mad. crown is an organization founded and ruled by bastards. yet most of them had been surprisingly pleasant and even kind to you in your temporary stay-- jude jazza was clearly the exception. he had fun pissing you off. unfortunately for him, he wouldn't get the satisfaction of getting under your skin today.

you snatch the book from its dusty hiding spot and tuck it into your arm, before turning on your heel and stomping off without acknowledging his taunts.

but you spot something interesting on your way out: the title of the book in jude's hands. a nonsense word upon first glance, but as you're wandering the halls in an attempt to clear your head, the word starts to make sense. rumpelstiltskin. that old, creepy fable about the man and the spinning wheel? it was not at all the book you'd expected such a grimy man as him to be reading, yet you couldn't think of anything else it could be. a small chuckle escapes your lips despite yourself.

... maybe you're not the only one interested in fairy tales after all.

a/n: inaugurating my blog's ikevil content with this horrible, horrible man. my type of mean men should be studied

[unluckiestclover]

Mulder acts like Scully isn’t one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen

[impcr3atur3]

forgot to post this one here too.. sure capochin whatever you say capochin

[colorful-horses]

what season would you say mlp started going downhill

Whichever one introduced Fluttershys fuckass brother

[tiffysdeath]

underrated king fr

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

The fans: Ugh Sonic was just so preachy. I mean obviously he's supposed to be the good guy, so any uncomfortableness I feel here and any way I feel like Sonic's choices are framed as being why some other people have shitty lives is just bad writing because he is obviously supposed to be right always, but this characterization makes no sense. Isn't he right for the things he did?

Ian Flynn, using Kitsunami to say the (barely even at this point) quiet part even louder: Hey it's almost like ever since the Mr. Tinker event we've been purposely running with the critique of Sonic as being more selfish than he appears. Sonic is upholding a system of Eggman v Sonic that currently benefits him and shuts down talk of how to improve the current system because he likes his own personal enjoyment and he's attached enough to Eggman that he'd rather Eggman pretend to be a good person than be stuck in prison for life. He doesn't even quite practice what he preaches. We are trying to show that the current hero v villain system and Sonic's recklessness currently affects some people poorly and that Sonic isn't a perfect hero.

[kerbubbles]

Somebody, about robotnik: where the fuck does this guy get off?

Stone: with me if I'm lucky 🙏🏻

[vampiretop]

Tboy tummy. Kissing down tboy happy trail. Sucking tdick. Stuffing tboy pussy full of my fingers and strap. Biting the inside of tboy thighs. Listening to tboy whimpers and moans. Tboys.

[feroluce]

SO LIKE. As much as I roll with the Emanator of Elation Sampo theory, I do have. Some doubts about this specific instance of it. Not that I think Boothill is lying, or that I think Sampo isn't an Emanator, but I wonder if the person Boothill actually met was Sampo.

Just! Sampo is so careful. The only reason we even knew he wasn't of Belobog was due to a dialogue-dependent fourth wall-breaking dream sequence that no other character could have seen. It took a missable dream bubble in an out-of-the-way spot that was seemingly left only for the trailblazer at the very end of a side mission just to confirm him as a Masked Fool. Like it's not just the fact that Boothill mentions this person being an Emanator. It's that he knows they're also a Masked Fool, which is also something Sampo is incredibly dodgy about. Sparkle even seems to call him out on this in her party join line fjkdjaskldj

((But also, Boothill, baby. WHY were you trying to get them drunk????))

And regardless of if you believe him when he calls himself an old timer, he obviously has a lot of experience in doing what he does. He knows what he's doing, he's good at it, and he is viciously capable and competent, unfortunately for his victims smhznskdn

So it just. Feels very unlike him, for him to let his guard down enough to not only let himself get drunk in front of Boothill-

a total stranger btw whom Sampo has absolutely no reason to trust, and a dangerous Galaxy Ranger to boot who has plenty of blood on his hands and a significant bounty on his head

-but to get SO drunk that he lets loose the secret that he's an Emanator.

When Boothill brings this up, he mentions that if Emanators were obvious and known at a glance, it would lead to atrocities. And for as much as Sampo is disliked by his victims (there's an entire anti-Sampo organization in Belobog JFDKLASJFDL), it's all for fraud. He's wanted by the IPC as an intergalactic thief. He scams people out of their money, and only rich people at that. That's mostly all that he's known for. Nothing he does is violent, even though Sampo surely has the capacity to inflict a lot of harm.

And I don't mean that he's exactly a pacifist or anything; Firefly comments that Sampo seems like a highly skilled covert fighter. His voicelines make it sound like he enjoys combat- hell, his ult line makes him sound like a hitman. I like to hc him as being a pretty high ranker in the fighting rings at the World's End Tavern, like we see in the Simulated Universe occurrences.

But I don't think he would enjoy being the cause of uncontrollable violence and bloodshed.

Like yeah he's a dick who scams people on the regs for funsies, but he has lines he refuses to cross, which we see a lot of in how he interacts with Sparkle. More than just not enjoying it, I think he would hate it if he were found out and it caused an incident, especially since he seems so endeared to Belobog and her people now and it looks like he plans to return there. He wouldn't want to bring any of that back to them.

So I just can't imagine him carelessly fucking up bad enough to out himself to a random stranger that could easily put a bullet right through his head.

Sparkle maybe could, though.

Because as we find out later the dreamscape had expanded FAR beyond what it seemed, far enough that the trailblazer had been dreaming since the warp jump in. Most people enter it unknowingly, and don't realize they're already dreaming when they think they're still awake. Boothill and Dan Heng should have already been dreaming during their exchange on the Express that started all this.

And as long as someone knows they're dreaming, completely changing their appearance is easy, even for the common layman. We see this with a couple of NPCs and also Sparkle herself, with her (in)famous impression of Sampo.

Thank youuuuu Sparkle

And yeah, the trailblazer and almost all of the other characters wouldn't know about the expansion until near the very end. None of them realized they were dreaming even outside of their dream pools, and surely none of them would think to be suspicious of another person's appearance outside of the dreamscape like that.

But Sparkle has a script from Silver Wolf.

She knew all the secrets of the dreamscape, and she knew them from the very beginning. There would have been nothing stopping her from appearing as Sampo in front of Boothill and spilling all his secrets.

And she apparently has a long-standing history with Sampo, including trying to get him in on her own much more fiery and aggressive version of Elation.

Maybe all Sampo needs is to be outed as an Emanator, and then when all the violence and bloodshed catches up to him, then he'll finally understand! ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩

[biscuit-and-jam]

So Guillermo is the most tragic character in modern television? Got it

[coconut530]

STAY IN YOUR LANE

[dykesynthezoid]

I think the funniest thing about scogan to me is that if you try to imagine it in practice it actually ends up much more compellingly fulfilling some of the tropes that the comics have seemingly always been trying to push with Jean/Logan. Which is just. Hilarious. Like the supposed (very old, tired, romance novel ass) dynamic they’ve often tried to push w Jean/Logan (esp in the new xmen era) is that of Logan representing some sort of… wildness or freedom to Jean’s restraint. That her “giving in” (yuck) to him is also her embracing… idk? Some sort of more natural, unrestrained version of herself and her power.

But it falls really flat with Jean not just bc of the misogyny inherent in the trope but also bc. She’s literally already done that. Like several times in fact. It’s sort of her whole thing. She doesn’t need to fuck Logan to step into her unrestrained power. She already, as a character, is supposed to be a vibrant, impossible, wild manifestation of pure creative/destructive will. (And really it’s kind of everyone else— and the writers’ latent misogyny— that keep fucking that up for her).

Scott on the other hand. Well. He kind of is the high powered female romantic lead obsessed with her job who gets sent on a work trip to a rural town where she’s forced to loosen up a little. Like for better or worse that’s kind of exactly him. He would fit alarmingly well in that sort of push and pull storyline. Which is so… good to me. That Scott, of all people, makes more sense on the cover of a Johanna Lindsey novel than Jean does. That him having that kind of dynamic with Logan actually feels way more interesting bc Scott is restrained to a fault, he is an insufferable, neurotic little headcase who would rather die than tell a waiter they got his order wrong. And yet he’s also the guy who’s admitted to actively enjoying riling Logan up bc part of him just wants to see what will happen. Which I’m pretty sure is called chemistry

[spindle-and-nima]

Spindle has figured out how to do a 3.5 foot vertical leap onto my desk so lord help me with what crimes he's gonna scheme after finding that one out

[sluckythewizard]

THEY could give me the surgurey i need (inspired alot by evojellys designs for em. GREAT STUFF)

[bitten-button]

Ough urgh,,, oof, *suffering the effects of the curse* (can't romance the fictional old men)

[qoldenskies]

Swanatello 🤝 Canary Continuity

Making tumblr users traumatized about seeing Donnie in the same picture as a bird

donnie in canon is made of some tough shit just like the rest of em but considering the general consensus that he's physically weaker than his brothers/has a bit of a complex about it, it just makes sense to throw bird symbolism at him. fragile thang