#god he sucks so bad

[onyourowndaisymae]

"are you plannin' to fuckin' scram anytime soon, or am i gonna have to run you off myself?"

your fingers still over the spine of a thick tome, stiffening at the sudden snarky comment from the other side of the library. the air is thick with his irritation as you turn to face him.

jude jazza sits opposite the bookshelf you're browsing. his ankles are crossed and propped up on the coffee table in front of him, just narrowly avoiding a mug you suspect is his (and also notice he's neglected to use a coaster underneath). the large, luxurious coat usually draped across his shoulders is instead neatly tossed over the back of the velvet loveseat. a small light illuminates the corner of the library he's in. in his hands is novel with the title obscured.

all in all, it appears the wicked businessman had come to the library to read in peace, something you unknowingly ruined by daring to enter the common area.

"uhh... sorry." the words feel heavy and dumb in your mouth. his glower from across the room pinned you in place. "i didn't... realize you were... in here."

"well, now ya do. so get the hell out of here. i'm trying to enjoy my afternoon."

as if to assert his point, jude slumps back a little further into the cushions, readjusting his feet until the heels of his polished shoes thump loudly against the wood underneath them. his eyes don't leave your stilled figure. if looks could kill, you'd be gasping for air-- all for the crime of intruding upon his afternoon.

you quickly turn back and begin to fumble with the bookshelf. you were grabbing... what, again? what was the name of it? all of the spines, with their foiled titles and fancy script, seemed to blend together with the pressure mounting in the room.

"what are ya even lookin' for, anyways?"

crass and nosey, it seems. still, though, it's in your best interest to stay on his good side.

"... i'm doing some research on the fairytale curses. i figured i'd start with william, since he's open to discussing his curse with me. so i'm looking for any information here about the queen of hearts curse."

jude snorts, loudly, and shakes his head. before you have time to ask him what could possibly be so funny about the mundane and arguably studious task you've been trying to do since entering the library, daggers fly from his mouth.

"look at ya, workin' so hard on that dumb ass job victor gave ya. fairy tale keeper, was it? fuckin' ridiculous." another amused snort. "looks like he found the most gullible broad for the job."

anger starts to build in your chest, and that smug grin on his sallow face makes you want to pluck a book off the shelf and spill that mug on his new shoes with one well-timed throw. you swallow hard and turn back to the shelves wordlessly. through your hazy gaze, you spot a title you'd been searching for. god, he makes you so mad. crown is an organization founded and ruled by bastards. yet most of them had been surprisingly pleasant and even kind to you in your temporary stay-- jude jazza was clearly the exception. he had fun pissing you off. unfortunately for him, he wouldn't get the satisfaction of getting under your skin today.

you snatch the book from its dusty hiding spot and tuck it into your arm, before turning on your heel and stomping off without acknowledging his taunts.

but you spot something interesting on your way out: the title of the book in jude's hands. a nonsense word upon first glance, but as you're wandering the halls in an attempt to clear your head, the word starts to make sense. rumpelstiltskin. that old, creepy fable about the man and the spinning wheel? it was not at all the book you'd expected such a grimy man as him to be reading, yet you couldn't think of anything else it could be. a small chuckle escapes your lips despite yourself.

... maybe you're not the only one interested in fairy tales after all.

a/n: inaugurating my blog's ikevil content with this horrible, horrible man. my type of mean men should be studied

[kechiwrites]

a lil angsty addition to toxic bd!ghost. ghost loves his son terribly but if he was being honest, the only reason he was conceived was so simon could have a forever hold on the reader. he loves them so much but thinks that without a reason, the reader wouldn’t stay with him forever. he believes that now no matter what, the reader has a reason to stick with him even if he pisses them off to the point where she never wants to see him again. he doesn’t know that reader would’ve stuck with him regardless, with a baby or without, all bc they love him so much. also could i be known as👩🏿‍🍼 anon lmao

first off! you're my first emoji anon 🥹

secondly, you are so right. with his past, there's no way ghost would've chosen to be a father and eventually we'll see exactly how he responded when reader told him (spoiler alert: he didn't take it well). she loved him when they were together no question but simon doesn't think he's worthy of love (and now reader agrees lmao). initially he wanted to be in his son's life only as a way to stay attached to reader. and if she ever found that shit out, i don't think she'd ever forgive him for using their kid that way. (nevermind that reader's using tommy to keep ghost at a distance in the first place)

[unluckiestclover]

Mulder acts like Scully isn’t one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen

[catastrophicalcat]

Reasons Valmont Sucks (Catwoman 2018)

Valmont was a terrible character. And I really want to dissect why and how he is terrible - not just to get it off my chest and onto the collective Internet, but also because I think that Howard made some questionable writing choices that doomed him.

A quick intro - Valmont is Selina's love interest from the 1st two arcs of Tini Howard's Catwoman (2018) run. Inspired by some version of the Dangerous Liaisons character, he is a quasi French assassin who appears in Selina's life when she is trying to take on the Five Gotham Crime families, stalks her a bit, gifts her a stolen cat, fucks her, and eventually get murdered by her while he's trying to kill Batman. BatCat are on a poorly defined break during these events (with Bruce clearly thinking that they're somewhat committed to each other). Valmont is a dork. He looks like this:

More stuff under the break since I don't know how to write succinctly...

Valmont is a possessive stalker. It's obvious that Howard wanted to create a character who is different from Batman. Just look at him - Batman wears black, Valmont wears white. Batman strives to be a good person, while Valmont is an unrepentant murder. Bruce tries to be a gentlemen, while Valmont.... Almost immediately, Howard is in a pickle - how can she recreate a 17th century romance about assholes when, at the moment her run begin, Selina has no reason to be into this guy? And, this phony goth poser, by definition, cannot be upfront and just ask Selina out. Bruce would have done that. He's not Bruce. Solution? She gets rescued by him. A lot. Some examples:

While getting rescued frequently may be a way to fall in love, it makes Selina just so incompetent. Like I think that almost every single issue where Valmont appears, she needs to gets saved by him in some fashion. I don't think that Bruce rescued her that often, at least not in her own run! I went from reading about a savvy cat-burglar to an eternal damsel-in-distress.

Maybe I missed it, but I literally just read through all of his issues to find these screencaps, and I can't find any reason for him to be there other than to stalk her....

2. Making sexy French man is hard, OK! Prior to this run, I did not realize just how hard it is to write a sexy man instead of a creepy man. But seriously, this guy is GROSS, and Selina being into him makes her come off as dumb floozy. Who in the world would get turned on by lines like:

Maybe I'm fascinating, Catwoman. (Spoiler - he isn't)

I consider myself a citizen of the world. (Is he "my parents live in Ohio, I live in the moment" Ted Mosby?)

I wanted to help. But I did not want to chase you, or do what those boys had done. So I simply waited, where I knew you could find me. ("Those boys" - Tim & Dick, who tried to offer reasonable assistance and advice).

Fascinating? Interesting? Dangerous? (Describing himself.)

But I won't assume that just because a cat has sat in my lap once, it will do so whenever I call. (He then proceeds to bang her on the roof).

Have you ever had anyone encourage you to chase your desires? Just for your own pleasure? (Yeah, this is like a famous trait of hers...)

The sharp pleasure of waiting until I see you again is enough. (See, normal Selina - or a normal woman - would just never see him again).

Related to the above - their sexy times? Not sexy. First, they try and fail to hijack a cannibal's plane and parachute jump. Maybe adrenaline got their heart rate up, but still - poor planning! Second, and more egregiously: multiple characters comment on how Selina is deliriously tired. Valmont is one of those characters! He then bangs her on the roof. I don't want to kink-shame, but sleeping with someone when they're falling off their feet from exhaustion is like, not great?

3. He's a freaking murderer! This guy kills people and drops their bodies in the harbor. He's friends with Flamingo, a cannibal who tried to eat Robin (Damian, but still!). And yet, this is how Selina feels about him:

What happened? Really, what happened? Selina used to be smart and not boy crazy. Sure, she has a wide variety of unfortunate love interests despite these traits (post forthcoming!). But never has she fallen so fast, so quick, so off the deep end for someone who deserves it so very little.

I have other substantive issues with this run, but wanted to start by dissecting Valmont. A non-Bruce love interest is already an uphill battle in a Catwoman comic. Burdening him with all of these negative traits did not lead to a good story. Instead, Selina came off as stupid and immature for ever liking this guy in the first place.

I know that this post was super negative - these are just my thoughts, and I'm open to critique. If folks feel positive about Valmont, or other things I touched on here, I would be really interested to hear it.

[feroluce]

SO LIKE. As much as I roll with the Emanator of Elation Sampo theory, I do have. Some doubts about this specific instance of it. Not that I think Boothill is lying, or that I think Sampo isn't an Emanator, but I wonder if the person Boothill actually met was Sampo.

Just! Sampo is so careful. The only reason we even knew he wasn't of Belobog was due to a dialogue-dependent fourth wall-breaking dream sequence that no other character could have seen. It took a missable dream bubble in an out-of-the-way spot that was seemingly left only for the trailblazer at the very end of a side mission just to confirm him as a Masked Fool. Like it's not just the fact that Boothill mentions this person being an Emanator. It's that he knows they're also a Masked Fool, which is also something Sampo is incredibly dodgy about. Sparkle even seems to call him out on this in her party join line fjkdjaskldj

((But also, Boothill, baby. WHY were you trying to get them drunk????))

And regardless of if you believe him when he calls himself an old timer, he obviously has a lot of experience in doing what he does. He knows what he's doing, he's good at it, and he is viciously capable and competent, unfortunately for his victims smhznskdn

So it just. Feels very unlike him, for him to let his guard down enough to not only let himself get drunk in front of Boothill-

a total stranger btw whom Sampo has absolutely no reason to trust, and a dangerous Galaxy Ranger to boot who has plenty of blood on his hands and a significant bounty on his head

-but to get SO drunk that he lets loose the secret that he's an Emanator.

When Boothill brings this up, he mentions that if Emanators were obvious and known at a glance, it would lead to atrocities. And for as much as Sampo is disliked by his victims (there's an entire anti-Sampo organization in Belobog JFDKLASJFDL), it's all for fraud. He's wanted by the IPC as an intergalactic thief. He scams people out of their money, and only rich people at that. That's mostly all that he's known for. Nothing he does is violent, even though Sampo surely has the capacity to inflict a lot of harm.

And I don't mean that he's exactly a pacifist or anything; Firefly comments that Sampo seems like a highly skilled covert fighter. His voicelines make it sound like he enjoys combat- hell, his ult line makes him sound like a hitman. I like to hc him as being a pretty high ranker in the fighting rings at the World's End Tavern, like we see in the Simulated Universe occurrences.

But I don't think he would enjoy being the cause of uncontrollable violence and bloodshed.

Like yeah he's a dick who scams people on the regs for funsies, but he has lines he refuses to cross, which we see a lot of in how he interacts with Sparkle. More than just not enjoying it, I think he would hate it if he were found out and it caused an incident, especially since he seems so endeared to Belobog and her people now and it looks like he plans to return there. He wouldn't want to bring any of that back to them.

So I just can't imagine him carelessly fucking up bad enough to out himself to a random stranger that could easily put a bullet right through his head.

Sparkle maybe could, though.

Because as we find out later the dreamscape had expanded FAR beyond what it seemed, far enough that the trailblazer had been dreaming since the warp jump in. Most people enter it unknowingly, and don't realize they're already dreaming when they think they're still awake. Boothill and Dan Heng should have already been dreaming during their exchange on the Express that started all this.

And as long as someone knows they're dreaming, completely changing their appearance is easy, even for the common layman. We see this with a couple of NPCs and also Sparkle herself, with her (in)famous impression of Sampo.

Thank youuuuu Sparkle

And yeah, the trailblazer and almost all of the other characters wouldn't know about the expansion until near the very end. None of them realized they were dreaming even outside of their dream pools, and surely none of them would think to be suspicious of another person's appearance outside of the dreamscape like that.

But Sparkle has a script from Silver Wolf.

She knew all the secrets of the dreamscape, and she knew them from the very beginning. There would have been nothing stopping her from appearing as Sampo in front of Boothill and spilling all his secrets.

And she apparently has a long-standing history with Sampo, including trying to get him in on her own much more fiery and aggressive version of Elation.

Maybe all Sampo needs is to be outed as an Emanator, and then when all the violence and bloodshed catches up to him, then he'll finally understand! ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩

[colorful-horses]

what season would you say mlp started going downhill

Whichever one introduced Fluttershys fuckass brother

[tiffysdeath]

underrated king fr

[sluckythewizard]

THEY could give me the surgurey i need (inspired alot by evojellys designs for em. GREAT STUFF)

[bacchuschucklefuck]

bard!riz is so important to me bc the kind of character he would be if the truth-fear balance tips all the way to fear esp. bc he takes so much pride in canon in the fact that his parents are brave badass people and he's following their footsteps. but also bc I have so much fun thinking abt bard!kipperlilly

[minotaurs-my-beloved]

google, show me this mans balls

[zeb-z]

Tubbo as a character trying his best to be a good leader and stick to his morals and do what’s best for his team and his friends, only for who he’s leading to not listen to him, not respect him and his leadership, then push the weight of the blame onto him and call him a traitor. Hmmm where have I seen this before

[taffy-glitch]

rewatching fantasy high (freshman year) and tbh i don't think i appreciated kristen applebees enough as a character when i originally watched it years ago. like i kinda get the feeling that her arc was meant to be more drawn out but got speedrun by her literally dying and meeting god in the first two episodes and getting SLAMMED into that crisis of faith head-first, and it honestly makes her into both a VERY FUN character to watch and a fascinating one

[norrisgrl]

IM SORRY BUT I NEVER SAW THIS UNTIL NOW?!!!?

[vaggieslefteye]

STAYED GONE ↳ from Hazbin Hotel Season One (2024): 1x02 "Radio Killed The Video Star"

[astralleywright]

when considering Ashton's reasoning about Imogen continuing to give in to Predathos, that her being lost is inevitable and that it would be better if it happened now as opposed to later, it feels very important to remember what they said to Laudna when they first landed in Issylra, when she was terrified Imogen had become a moon-worshiping zombie in their separation: If she got blasted into space, we'll go to space. If she got vaporized, it's not like we didn't fucking find you. There is nothing else until this is dealt with. This is what we do, is we bring everybody back. Not only is nobody getting left behind very much Ashton's thing, but he specifically does not see Imogen being lost to Predathos as her being lost for good. (and tbh I agree, given how heavily the story since the start of the campaign has been leaning on her to confront this.) And even if it did, they'd still go through hell trying to get her back.

But it also makes me think of what Imogen told Ashton, after the shard; maybe this was destiny, like they thought it was. Maybe what they needed was to shatter into pieces and come back together. That same idea, of controlled burning, needing to confront something to overcome it, fuck yeah, jump into that lava and find yourself, to hurt is to heal - Ashton, we watched you break into a thousand tiny pieces. If she got vaporized, it's not like we didn't fucking bring you back.

[t00thpasteface]

writing fanfic, had a line pop into my head that i knew was From Something, had to google it, and now i'm obligated to say: i fucking love the line in 20000 Leagues that says conseil "left his canadian friend sleeping like a man who had never done anything else"