#god damn I would do ANYTHING for this specific version of Joe

[starsinthesky5]

went down the purple jersey rabbit hole and im NOT okay

[thevindicativevordan]

On Supergirl

Figured I should put up my thoughts about Kara in the wake of her first film appearance being announced, and the final season of her TV show fast approaching. Short version is: Kara is very cool and DC needs to stop messing with her. 

My Introduction to Kara

I was introduced to Kara the way most millennials/Gen Zers were I imagine, via the Loeb Superman/Batman arc which brought the traditional Kara Zor-El Supergirl take into Post-Crisis continuity, after years of DC attempting to have a “Supergirl” without violating the editorial mandate that Kal needed to be the literal “Last Son of Krypton” (an example of one of the dumb ways DC fucked Kara over). Story goes that one day Dan Didio was in line at the Superman ride at Six Flags (I love that ride even though it’s stolen my glasses every time I’ve ridden it, even when I left them in a locker!). The ride had signs that talked about various Superman characters. Didio was reading the entry for Supergirl where it talked about her not being Clark’s cousin but instead some weird merge of alien shapeshifter, angel, and human girl, and he realized how fucking stupid that was, and he went back to the office and told Loeb to bring Kara back. 

Years later I would also be standing in line at the Six Flags Superman ride (probably at a different park location but who knows?) as a youngster and would read the new Supergirl sign that trumpeted that Superman had a cousin who shared all his powers, an update reflecting the new Loeb origin. I thought she sounded pretty cool, made a note to see if my library had any Supergirl stories next time I visited, then got on the Superman ride and promptly lost my glasses like an idiot because I wanted to take them off while I was riding and pretend I was changing from my “disguise” into Superman mid flight. My dad grounded me for this afterwards, but it gave me a funny story to tell at family get togethers and isn’t that what Six Flags is all about?

A month later (and with spiffy new glasses), my mom dropped me off at a new library next to where she worked, and they had one of the best Superman collections I’ve ever seen to this day. I was in heaven and while reading every Superman book I could find (I couldn’t check them out because I didn’t have a card, my mom’s card didn’t cover the area the library was in, and my mom wouldn’t have checked them out anyway since comics were “too violent”), I found the trade collecting Kara’s new origin. I read it and I thought both she and Superman were really cool, and Batman was a  punk who had to beat Darkseid by cheating, the loser. Turner’s art to my young eyes was the best I had ever seen, and the panels got engraved into my brain. 

I still get downright nostalgic whenever I see Turner Superman or Supergirl stuff. I also got my parents to rent the animated movie adaption of the Superman/Batman arc from Blockbuster (remember those?), and that sealed the deal. Seeing Kara hold her own against Darkseid convinced me she was as cool as her cousin. Next time my mom dropped me off at the library next to her workplace, I went looking for Supergirl stuff to read. I found the first volume of her new volume by Joe Kelly taking place after the Loeb arc and dove in.

It was... weird. 5 years later I might have enjoyed it but at the time I was majorly put off. Kara took a secret identity for a day and then ditched it because it was “stupid” and the kids bullied her. She was always getting into fights with Kal, and there was this weird plot that I couldn’t follow about how her dad had sent her to kill Kal, maybe or maybe not? Also she could grow crystals which I thought was dumb, and said she was stronger than her cousin which I couldn’t buy for a second given he looked like he was carved out of marble, and she looked like she relied on sunlight instead of food. I put the volume back on the shelf and kinda gave up on reading the character after that for a while. 

I followed her via the DC wiki updates just like I did Superman, and everything I read seemed dumb and convoluted. She was split in two, moped around a lot, made out with an alternate version of her cousin, and basically just flopped about the same way the rest of the Superfamily did during the 00s. Nothing made me think I had made a mistake dropping Kara until I read the latest update to her wiki page.

I was super into what I was reading about the Busiek/Johns era of Superman online. Lex was back and making a big revenge scheme that involved all the other Rogues! Old Superman Rogues were getting revamped and made cool again! Johns reintroduced Brainiac and made him a big threat, with Kal and Kara teaming up to fight him! Busiek was revamping Prankster and telling big ambitious Superman stories! For the first time in a long while, the consensus on the Internet was that Superman was good again. My “home” library had zero Marvel books and no Superman or Batman books, all their DC stuff was Flash or Green Lantern, mainly written by Johns. Insane to think back on now. My hopes that because Johns was involved with Superman, Superman books would show up at my library were fulfilled. They started bringing in Busiek and Johns collections, and someone there also ordered Sterling Gates’ first volume of Supergirl, and I checked everything out since I was old enough to have my own library card, and my parents were worried more about the violent video games I was playing rather than comics.

I read everything and loved it. I also really liked Gates’ take on Kara. She was still an imperfect teenager but she wasn’t insufferably angsty or constantly fighting with Kal. She was going to give the secret identity another try and Lana had “adopted” her. It’s funny remembering how I enjoyed all that given my current thoughts on how Kara should work, but it was great at the time. I liked Gates introducing new foes for Kara, some classic Superman Rogues adapted for her like Bizzarogirl, others crafted specifically for her like Reactron. Gates’ basically rekindled my enjoyment of Kara the same way Busiek & Johns rekindled my enjoyment of Superman.

Of course it ended terribly like everything Superman-related seems to.

I’ve got a whole post I want to do about New Krypton and what came after. In short that is the most blatant example of “hitting the reset button” that I’ve ever seen. All the potential got wasted, and afterwards everything except Lex’s Action Comics stuff just didn’t appeal to me. Gates got booted off Kara for Nick Spencer who ended up leaving himself later, a promising Teen Titans line-up with Kara on it didn’t happen, and the last proper Pre-Flashpoint Superfamily story was a crappy team-up with Doomsday against Bigger Doomsday (thank God for Cornell’s final Luthor/Superman confrontation at least). When news of the reboot arrived, I was honestly happy. The Superline needed an enema.

Controversial opinion time: I liked New 52 Supergirl. It’s weird because a lot of the stuff I hated about Kelly’s run was here, and a lot of the stuff I loved about the Gates’ run was not. This was angry, moody, emotional Kara again, fighting with Kal and not fond of Earth. But I was in my teens at this point, and I didn’t want happy go-lucky Superman or Supergirl. I wanted my heroes angry, scared of the future, ready to go out there and smash some cars. Morrison’s Action Comics was 100% my jam (still is once I really understood the deeper meaning beneath the work) and this Kara felt like a natural fit for this universe. Plus we got Asrar on art and that guy made it damn pretty to look at, lots of cool science fiction stuff going on, even with the dumb H’el storyline.

I loved all the new Rogues Kara got. I loved her new Fortress under the ocean. I loved how traumatized she was by the loss of Krypton, that she wanted more than anything to go home, that her cousin was like a stranger to her since they had been apart for so long. I found all of that incredibly relatable. A lot of the New 52 Supergirl stories might have been schlock but it was my type of schlock damnit, and I enjoyed it!

I kept with her New 52 series all the way through the Red Daughter Saga (which I loved). As someone who grew up on Johns GL (since that was the only comics my home library had), seeing a Supercharacter join a Lantern Corp was the hypest thing ever. I loved the finale about Kara finally letting go of her anger and losing the ring while smashing her foe into the sun, it was incredibly cathartic for me as an angry teen myself. I finally stopped following her series sometime after since I was no longer enjoying the Superline or really DC as a whole. It wasn’t until I heard that New 52 Superman died and the “old” Superman was back, that I checked back into DC.

DC Rebirth & How I Think Kara Should Work

I did not enjoy Supergirl Rebirth, and I think I’ll talk about my problems with it alongside how I think Kara as a character should work since the two are related. A pet peeve of mine that has formed over the years is this: I don’t like it when Superfamily members get turned into Clark clones. Kon wearing glasses and going to Smallville High. Kara going to high school and being involved in journalism. Jon more or less being written as a copy of his dad personality-wise. I hate that kind of stuff because it’s boring. What’s the point of a Superfamily if everyone is just copying Clark? It also doesn’t fit the characters especially in Kara’s case. Why the hell does she want to be a journalist? Were there journalists on Krypton? I don’t remember ever seeing one! Shouldn’t she want to be, I dunno, a scientist? That seems to have been the El family tradition, wouldn’t she have been groomed for that?

This one-off by Shea is honestly the only acceptable outcome for Kara going into journalism for me. She realizes she’s just copying her cousin and switches to something she wants to do. So Orlando copying the show, which already basically turned Kara into an expy of her cousin, just did not appeal to me at all. What had worked for me under Gates way back when was not clicking for me this time. I wanted to see Kara embody the principles of the S-shield in a different way than her cousin did. So I really enjoyed when Rebirth ended and we moved into the Bendis era with Andrekyo relaunching the title as Kara in space.

Kara in space has always felt like a good fit for me. Unlike Kal I’ve come to believe that Kara really shouldn’t be all that fond of Earth. For him it’s home, but for her it’s just where she ended up after her real home got destroyed. I think Kara works well as a sort of nomad, occasionally making stops back home to Earth to check on her cousin, but otherwise? She’s more comfortable out in space than she could ever be on Earth. Out in space she can be Kryptonian (which is what she should think of herself as in contrast to Clark being torn between his Kryptonian biology and human upbringing, and Jon/Kon identifying as human), be her true self, not have to pretend to be human to fit in. Kara founding a moon refuge was one of the best ideas for her that I’ve seen, I would love if DC made her Future State refugee center on the moon canon. I’m excited for more Kara adventures in space with the upcoming Tom King story.

Also love that her and Krypto are getting tied together, if they don’t want to use Krypto in Superman’s stuff, let her have him! Bring on cosmic adventurer Supergirl!

Personality & Other Traits

Kara to me should be more hot-tempered than her cousin. All the Superfamily members should have a temper in my opinion, I see that as the “Deadly Sin” of Superman and his family. But while Kal is like a simmering pot that will explode if it’s left cooking for too long, Kara is like dynamite. Light her fuse at your own peril because she will go off on you.

I also like the idea of Kara being rash. Kal’s got a maturity that came from over a decade of having to live with Lex Luthor constantly getting away with all his evil schemes. He’s patient because he’s been forced to be. Kara? If you ask for her help she’ll give it, but beware because she doesn’t really care about the long term impacts of her decisions. She’s an invulnerable teenager after all.

Really liked that Venditti Annual where Kara got tutored in history by a reincarnation of Hawkman. Kara having a passion for history is a neat trait, would be nice to see her teach Kal or Jon some Kryptonian lore, or have her lead a Kryptonian holiday celebration for the Superfamily because she’s the only one who remembers how to do it. 

Sexuality wise I know a lot of people ship Kara and Lena on account of the chemistry between the two in the show. I haven’t watched the show myself but I’m fine with making Kara bisexual, the Superfamily could use some LGBT+ rep, and Lena hasn’t done anything of worth as a villain, so undo that and throw the two together. If we’re letting Harley and Ivy get away with murder I think we can let Lena off the hook too, undo the Ultrawoman weirdness and put the two together. Could be fun seeing the two building that moon refuge together.

All in all I think Kara is a great character who is a stronger embodiment of the immigrant experience than even her cousin in some ways. I hope King does a good job with her, she’s treated better than her cousin on the film side, and that overall the 20s are a better decade for Supergirl than the 10s were.

[even-after-a-millennia]

Here Through the Dark and Beautiful

The third and final part of my What We Do For Family series is done!  You can read it down below or over on ao3 here!

(Also, there’s a scene in a club and I definitely put together a self-indulgent playlist of what I wanted to play, so here that is as well.)

Five years into Nile Freeman’s immortality, her immortal family took a break from fighting and from each other.  Well, sort of.  Nicky and Joe went off to Malta, smiling profusely as they drove off.  Andy and Quynh were going to stay right where they were, in the safe house in Greece, where if they looked out the window, they could see the glittering sea.

Which left Nile and Booker undecided on what they were going to do.

Nile didn’t even consider going somewhere on her own.  She turned to him and shrugged.  “I’ve never been to France?”

He chuckled, looking relieved.  “Ma choupette, you will have to be a little more specific than that.”

She smiled, conceding the point.  “The Louvre?”

“Nerd!” Quynh called from where she was sitting on the couch, her wife’s legs in her lap as Andy sprawled across the cushions.

Nile very maturely did not stick her tongue out at Quynh.  She did wrinkle her nose at her, but that was not the same.

“Very well, Nile,” Booker said, smiling.  “I will take you to the Louvre.”

After they packed their bags and headed out the door, Nile began to realize just what she had agreed to.  The team had agreed to take a month off before they would reconvene at Copley’s house near London and get briefed on their new assignment.

So she would be spending a whole month with Booker.

Alone.

Which was fine!  It was!  It was just… once Nile had become an immortal and helped save Booker from Merrick, ever since that early morning conversation they’d had about taking care of their mental health, they had become friends.  Surrounded by couples who loved them, they were the two loners.  That morning’s conversation had been the first of many, spanning countless cups of coffee and missions.  At this point, spanning years.

Nile loved her whole immortal family.  She loved Nicky’s gentle warmth, his inability to let her go without food for a long period of time, his small, proud smile when she had finally disarmed him in a sword fight.  She loved Joe, who painted with her and prayed with her, who would sleepily be there for her when she awoke with a nightmare.  She loved Andy, her fierceness and her kindness, her mentor who listened when Nile spoke and asked Nile how to use technology.  She loved Quynh, her fellow trickster, who clothes shopped with her and let her feel like a sister again when they did mischief together.  

Nile loved Booker, who had been sober for four years now and worked every day to pull himself away from the darkness that had swallowed him five years ago.  Whose scars on his heart were so similar to her own.  Who understood when she gasped awake clutching her throat sometimes, even years after her first death, because he sometimes did the same.  Who felt the ache of missing his family in a way that echoed hers.

She loved all of them.

The trouble was, she was falling in love with Booker.  It had started slowly, based on their shared experiences and the friendship that they had built as the years had gone on, but she had felt herself start to fall for him about a year ago.  A mission had gone bad and she had died very slowly.  She had woken in the back of their escape vehicle with her head resting in Booker’s lap.  His eyes, filled with worry and then relief, were the first thing that she saw.  In that moment, she realized that she wanted to wake up looking at him, without having to die first, for the rest of her immortality.

And that terrified her a bit.

Nile was surrounded by some of the greatest love stories in history, not that history would ever know that.  She knew it.  She saw it.  A love so deep it could span centuries of disagreements and fights and deaths.  A love that could go to the bottom of the ocean and back.  And through all that, to still look at the person who was their everything with love and certainty.

It was awe-inspiring.

She just didn’t know if she could ever have that.

But with Booker, she wanted to try.  And that was what scared her.  

“You okay, Nile?  You’ve been quiet since we left,” Booker asked as they flew towards Paris.

“Hmm?  Oh, sorry.  Got a lot on my mind, I guess,” she said, trying to shrug it off.

“Wanna talk about it?” Booker asked, leaning closer until their shoulders brushed.

Nile smiled softly, but shook her head.  “Nah, just thinking of all the art I’m going to see soon.”

Booker looked at her like he knew that she was bullshitting, but didn’t call her out on it, for which she was grateful.  Even though they confided a lot in each other, they knew when not to press.

“Ah, yes.  What are you looking forward to seeing most?”

“You did not just ask me that.”

Booker chuckled, holding up his hands.  “Sorry, you know art isn’t my expertise.”

“Oh sure, mister forger, I’m sure there aren’t any art replicas out there that came from you,” Nile teased, poking him in the side.

Booker ducked his head.  “I plead the Fifth.”

“You’re not American.”

“You are, are you not?”

“Well… technically, I guess.”  Nile looked out the window, melancholy lancing through her.  “Don’t you have to go to your home country every once in a while to claim citizenship?”

She felt Booker’s hand on hers.  “I’m sorry, ma belle, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Nile took a deep breath and shook herself, trying to dispel the tidal wave of emotion that had hit her.  Her movement jostled Booker’s hand and he pulled away.

Damn.

“It’s fine.  I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“I understand.”

She knew he did.  Which is why she took a chance and slid a little closer, leaning her head on his shoulder.  He was tense for a moment, then relaxed as she settled in.

“Sleep, Nile.  I’ll wake you when we get there.”

“Thanks, Book,” Nile said, letting her eyes close and trying not to be obvious that she was breathing deeply, both to calm herself and to revel in the slightly pine-like smell that wafted off Booker’s neck.

________________________________________

Nile stood, ignoring the people walking around her, mouth open slightly as she stared at Nike’s statue.

“Isn’t it called The Winged Victory of Samothrace?” Booker asked from beside her, looking at the map in his hands.

Nile waved a hand at him, not looking away.  “Nike means victory, Book.  Keep up.”

“Ah.  Of course.”

Nile couldn’t stop looking at the statue.  “This has existed longer than Joe and Nicky.  It’s older than Joe and Nicky combined.”

“Still young compared to Andy, though.”

Again, Nile waved a hand at Booker.  “A lot of things are young compared to Andy, Book.  That’s not a fair comparison.”

“True.  I wonder if they have miniature versions of this in the gift shop,” Booker mused.

“Huh.  Maybe,” Nile said, finally turning away to grin at him.  “If not, I can just have you make one for me, huh?”

He laughed, throwing his head back.  “You are overestimating my abilities.”

She laughed with him as they started moving again.

There was so much to look at that Nile had only ever seen in books before.  It was almost overwhelming how much history they were looking at.  She was happy that she could tell Booker about a lot of the art, to the point that he put the map in his pocket so he could just listen to what she was saying.  Someone, another tourist, came up to her and asked her for more information once.  

Nile was having the time of her life.

Then, as they were walking through a crowd to get to the next exhibit, she glanced across the room. 

Standing there, unmistakably, was her brother.

Her hand shot out and grabbed Booker’s arm, gripping it tight.

“Nile?  What’s wrong?” he said, going instantly on alert.

“That-”  She couldn’t get the words out.  She cleared her throat.  “That’s my brother over there.”

“What?!”

Booker had turned to look too, but none of that mattered.  Jordan turned, maybe sensing the eyes on him, and looked directly at Nile.  And she got to watch as confusion, recognition, and devastation crossed over his face.

“NILE!” he shouted as he started to rush toward them.

“We need to leave,” she said through numb, unmoving lips.

“Go,” Booker said, putting something in her hand.  “I’ll be right behind you.”

Quynh had taught her how to melt into a crowd and disappear her first year of being an immortal.  Physically, it was so easy.  Mentally, every step away from Jordan hurt her.  But she couldn’t tell him the truth.  She couldn’t come back to her family after five years of being dead and expect them to be okay.  She couldn’t watch them get old, or sick, and die in front of her.  Not while she didn’t age a day.  It was better if she just stayed dead to them.  

But God, it hurt.

She got far enough away to feel safe and ducked behind a pillar.  She turned to Booker, only he wasn’t there.

“Book?”

But he was nowhere to be found.  She felt something in her hand and looked down, remembering that he had put something there before she had left.

A comm earbud?

She quickly put it in her ear and heard her brother’s voice shout her name again.  Nile sagged against the wall, a hand over her heart.

“Hey, man, can I help you?” she heard Booker say, only he didn’t sound like Booker.  He sounded… American?  What the hell?

“My sister, I just saw her here.  Did you see her?  Black woman, slim, with braids.  Name of Nile Freeman?” her brother demanded.

“Nile Freeman?  Wow, that’s not a name I’ve heard in a while.”

“You know her?” Jordan asked.

“I did.  We were in the Marines together.  We were on the same base.  I’m really sorry, man.  She was an amazing person.”

Jordan didn’t say anything.  Nile strained her ears to hear anything.  What was Booker doing?!

It sounded like Jordan let out a gust of air.  “Yeah.  She was.  I’m sorry, I was sure I’d actually seen her this time.”

God, hearing that, Nile’s heart shattered.

“Grief sucks like that,” Booker said, and his voice was rough.

“Yeah, it really fucking does.  I’m Jordan, by the way.  Nile’s younger brother,” her brother said.

Booker huffed out a laugh.  “Did your parents love rivers or something, to name both their kids after two?”

“My dad’s idea.  My mom humored him.”

“From what Nile told me, she is a formidable woman.  I’m Seb.  Nice to meet you, Jordan.”

Nile jerked at Booker giving a form of his real name.  Seriously, what was he doing?!

“Nice to meet you too.  So you were on the same base as Nile?”

“Yeah, for what- eight months?  I got shipped home just before...  Well.  You know.  Heard about it from a buddy of mine.  I’m truly sorry.”

There was silence, and Nile mentally begged Booker to keep talking.  Luckily, he did.

“Nile was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.  She radiated that to everyone.  Kept candy in one of her TAC vest pockets to give to the kids she met.  Strong too, just like her mom.  I was lucky to be able to work with her, however limited a time it was.”

Jordan let out a gust of air.  

“Nile would have loved it here,” he said.  “She wanted to go to art school after her deployment, did she tell you that?  Was always into this stuff.  My mom didn’t know much about it, but wanted her to chase her passion.  Just, we couldn’t afford it.  So Nile enlisted.  Scared the shit out of Mom, not that she would ever admit it.”

“How’s she doing?  Your mom,” Booker asked.

“She’s a fighter, just like Nile was.  There are still hard days, but she can look at Nile’s photo next to Dad’s and keep going.  We can talk about her a bit more, now.”

Nile knew where her dad’s photo was.  On her mom’s dresser, so every morning and every night, she would see him.

Now Nile’s picture was next to her dad’s.

She couldn’t stop the sob that emerged from deep in her chest.

“Could I get a picture?  My roommate will never believe that I ran into Nile Freeman’s brother otherwise,” Booker said.

It sounded like he was distracted, wrapping up the conversation.

“Of course!”

“Hey man, good talking to you,” Booker said, voice warm.

“Yeah, thanks for the stories.  Gotta keep her alive somehow, right?” Jordan said and Nile focused on his voice as hard as she could.  This would probably be the last time she heard it.

“Definitely.  Someone as amazing as Nile should never fully die.  Take care, Jordan,” Booker said.

“You too, Seb.  See you around.”

And he was gone.

Nile couldn’t stop sobbing.

“Nile, where are you?  Nile!  Please, you have to answer me,” Booker said over the comm.

Nile looked around the column she was hiding behind and gasped out the closest piece of art’s name.  

“I’m coming, don’t move.”

A hysterical laugh broke through the sobs for a moment.  Where would she even go?

Then he was in front of her.

“Oh, Nile.  Can I hold you?” Booker asked, his voice breaking.

Nile threw herself into his arms and truly let go.  She buried her face into Booker’s chest, hoping to contain the sounds of her sobs.  They were secluded enough to avoid awkward stares, but she was still aware of the spectacle she must be making of herself.  She started to take deep breaths, trying to stop crying.  

It was only when she started to calm that she could hear Booker’s soft murmurs of “I’m sorry, you’ll be okay, I know how you feel and I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, ma chérie, we’ll get through this together…”

It only made her hold him tighter.

Finally, she calmed and straightened from being hunched into Booker’s chest.

“I’m so sorry, Nile, I should have just come with you.  I thought- well, it doesn’t matter.  I’m truly sorry,” Booker said.

When she looked up at him, she saw his eyes were wet too, a few tears making their way down his cheeks.

She shook her head, reaching up to wipe his tears.  “You gave me my brother back, Book, for however short a time.  Thank you.”

Her hands were still on his face, cupping his jaw.  She slid them over his jaw, to the back of his neck, and pulled slightly.  Booker was almost half a foot taller than her, but he compressed himself to be shorter until their forehead met.

She closed her puffy eyes and just stayed there a moment.

“Thank you,” she said again, whispering this time.

“You’re welcome.”  

She felt the puff of his breath against her face as he spoke.  It would be so easy to lean a little bit more in, close that distance...

But she couldn’t.  Not right now, when she still felt like she was dying a bit inside.

Pulling away, she said, “I think we should go.  That okay with you?”

“Of course, Nile.  You didn’t even have to ask.”

They got back to his flat, not talking as they walked in.

“You should know, I recorded the conversation with Jordan on my phone.  And um, here,” Booker said, holding out his phone.  “I thought you would want to have this.”

Nile took the phone, knowing what she would see.  It didn’t hurt any less as she looked at Jordan’s face, smiling with his arm around Booker’s shoulder.

She was crying again before she even realized it.

“God, Book.  I miss him,” she sobbed.  Her legs gave out and Booker scooped her into his arms and carried her to the couch.  He sat and pulled her close, starting to murmur comfort again as she lost herself once again.

It took much longer to even begin to pull herself together this time.  It was dark out and she felt exhausted, mentally and physically.  Booker’s leg had to be asleep underneath her, but he just kept brushing his hand up and down her spine, trying to soothe her.

“I think we should leave Paris tomorrow,” she said, her voice hoarse from crying.

“That would probably be best,” Booker agreed.  “Where would you like to go?”

Nile buried her face into his chest, overwhelmed.  “Can I decide later?”

“Of course, Nile.”

“Or you could choose this time,” she said, voice muffled by his shirt.

He paused, thinking.  “We have a safe house near Amsterdam.  There are many art museums there, including the Van Gogh Museum.  If you would like.”

This is why I love you.  The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she keeps them there.

She pushed herself up so that she was able to look at him.  His hair was flopping into his face and she didn’t stop herself from pushing it back in place.  Booker’s gaze changed somehow, from caring to… a closed off kind of caring, where he wasn’t sure what was going on, but still cared about her.

“I would love that.  Thank you, Sebastien,” she said.  Then, before she could talk herself out of it, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

She pulled away quickly and didn’t look at him as she stood up.  “I’m gonna go lie down, try to sleep for a bit.  Can you make arrangements for Amsterdam?”

He grunted in affirmation and she fled down the hall.  She couldn’t stop herself from glancing back before she left the room, only to see Booker staring at nothing, his hand on the cheek she had kissed.

Well, that’s promising.

It wasn’t until she was in bed that she realized she had called him Sebastien, not Booker.

Well...

Shit.

_____________________________________________

They didn’t talk much as they traveled to the Netherlands.  Nile didn’t mind, she was too tired to tackle any of the emotional options that could have been topics of discussion.  She could feel Booker glancing at her every now and then, but she just pretended to fall asleep against the train’s window.  

She couldn’t consider falling asleep on his shoulder again.  She was already feeling fragile.  Putting herself out there was not in the cards right now.

They took a taxi to get to the safe house from the train station, paying the driver in cash when they arrived.  Booker thanked him in Dutch, which was not a language that Nile had started to learn yet, and they walked up the steps to the front door.

“Booker, wait,” Nile said, grabbing his arm.  She had seen a figure through the door’s frosted glass.  

There was someone inside the house.

“It’s okay, Nile,” Booker said.  “It’s just-”

Andy opened the door.  “Hey, kid.”

Nile blinked at her.  “You’re supposed to be in Greece.”

Andy shrugged.  “All that sun wasn’t agreeing with me,” she said drily.

Nile turned on Booker.  “Book…”

He held up his hands.  “I just told them what happened.  They wanted to be here for you.”

“They?!”

“Hello, little sister,” Quynh said, coming forward from behind Andy.

Nile swallowed hard at the endearment, emotion swelling in her chest.  “Quynh…”

“May I?” Quynh asked, holding out her arms.

Nile could only nod as she stepped forward into Quynh’s embrace.  Andy’s hand came to clasp Nile's shoulder as they hugged, and Nile took a deep, shaky breath.

She disengaged, wiping a stray tear that had leaked out.  “I’m glad, I thought when Book said ‘they’ he meant-”

A car door slammed behind them.  

“We’re here!  Sorry we’re late, Nicky was driving for a bit and suddenly we were in Belgium,” Joe’s voice rang out from behind them and Nile turned to see him and Nicky coming up the walkway.  Their car was parked haphazardly at the curb.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she muttered, tearing up against her will.

As Nicky and Joe got closer, she took a deep breath, overwhelmed.  “I need a minute,” she said abruptly, darting past Quynh and Andy into the house.  She went into the first room she could find and shut the door.

Turns out she was in the bathroom.

She gripped the edges of the sink, hunched over the basin.

Nile wasn’t entirely sure what she was feeling, the emotions were twisted inside her so much that she couldn’t parse them out.  She made herself breathe and think. 

Okay, Nile.  What’s wrong?

She thought about the most obvious answer, her brother’s face as they made eye contact, and flinched away from the memory.  She had missed her family for so long that the emotional wound had scabbed over.  It was always there, she always felt the pain and some times were worse than others, but she was able to keep going.  Seeing Jordan had ripped that scab off.  She felt like she was bleeding internally.  Even though she was glad she had been able to hear Booker talk to him… even that hurt.  She was aching for her family.

So why was she not glad to see her immortal family?

She hadn’t asked them to come.  Hadn’t wanted to bother them from their vacations.  And she knew that she could handle this by herself.  She had survived the pain of losing her brother and mom this long, why did they seem to think that she couldn’t get through this?

Oh.

Nile understood what she was feeling now.

She was sad, yes.  But she was also angry.

When she had first joined Andy’s little band of immortal warriors, she had felt the difference of age between them and herself.  Andy to this day called her “kid.”  Thank God Booker had gone away from saying the same, that would have made any feelings she had for him incredibly awkward.  It wasn’t like she wasn’t aware of how young she was compared to the others.  But she was a goddamn adult.  She had gone through loss before and knew she would go through more, but she also knew that she could get through that herself.  For everyone to drop everything and come here made her feel like they thought she couldn’t.

That was what was rubbing her the wrong way here.

Nile took a deep breath and turned on the hot water.  She found a washcloth in the cupboard under the sink and wet it once the water was warm.  Slowly, gently, she washed her face, breathing deeply as she did so.  She wrung out the washcloth and dabbed her face dry on the hand towel hanging on the wall.

Then she looked back into the mirror.

The anger had lessened, now that it had been acknowledged.  The pain was still there, right below the surface.  But she straightened her shoulders and nodded to herself.

She’s got this.

The other immortals had moved from the doorway into the living room.  None of them were sitting, though, and they all turned immediately when she walked into the room.

“Sorry about that, needed a second to go to the bathroom.  Hey guys!” she said, opening her arms and pulling Joe into a hug.

“Nile-” Nicky said as she turned to embrace him as well, so she hugged him extra tight, just to quiet him a moment.

“You guys didn’t have to rush here and ruin your vacations,” she said, making sure to keep the smile on her face, to keep the edge out of her voice.

“Nile-”

“You couldn’t have even gotten to Malta before you were turning around to come here,” Nile continued as she pulled away from Nicky.

“Nile, per favore,” Nicky said beseechingly.

Nile swallowed and looked at him hesitantly.  His eyes were attentive and tired.  “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Nile slumped into herself.  She sat on the chair, away from the others and they followed suit, sitting around the room.  Nicky, Joe, Quynh, and Andy squeezed onto the couch and Booker took the other chair, the closest seat to Nile.

“No,” she answered honestly, feeling weighed down with grief and anger.  She forced her chin up, her shoulders square.  “But I will be.”

There were nods around the room.  Nile made eye contact with Booker and could see the understanding radiating from his eyes.  She gave him a small smile.

“We should have asked this from the beginning.  What do you need, Nile?  What can we do?” Joe asked.

She considered.  What did she want?  There were hard answers to that question.  She wanted to see her mother.  She wanted to hug her brother.

She wanted to forget for a bit that she was immortal, and all the hurt that came with that.

Nile went with the easiest answer.

“I wanna go dancing,” she declared, raising her chin as she said it.  

The others blinked.  

Booker let out a chuckle.  “We are in Amsterdam.  I’m sure we can find somewhere to dance.”

“Don’t you think that we will stand out?” Nicky asked.

Nile shrugged.  “Honestly, probably not.  You just jump up and down all night, that would be enough.  I’m sure you can figure out grinding in about two seconds or less, so that’s two dance moves right there, one for slow dances and one for fast ones!”

Andy shrugged.  “Alright, but don’t get mad if we are bad.”

“We’re really going?” Quynh asked, looking excited.

Everyone looked around and nodded.

Nicky sighed.  “For Nile, yes.”

“For Nile!” Quynh shouted, raising a fist in the air.  Nile smiled, thinking how many times Quynh might have rallied that way throughout the centuries.  She shook herself.  No, tonight was to forget about immortality.

“Alright, we’re going to need supplies to do this right,” Nile said, pulling out her phone and starting to write a list.  “I’ve got an outfit that’ll do, but I’ll need to look at your guy’s luggage to see if something works.  Book, you brought that dark blue button down, right?”

He nodded.

Nile stared at her phone as she said, “Your eyes pop with that and it makes your muscles look fantastic, so that would be a good choice.  The pants you’re wearing will be fine and your boots.  Quynh, can you show me you and Andy’s options?  Joe, I’ll send you the list.  Get Nicky something that isn’t a cotton t-shirt when you’re out.”

Joe grinned at his husband who looked less enthused at the idea.  “With pleasure.”

“Okay, let’s get going!”

Nile helped pick out Quynh and Andy’s looks as Joe and Nicky grocery shopped.  Joe and Nicky brought back groceries, including alcohol, and outfits for themselves.  The grey short sleeved button down did wonderful things to Nicky’s eyes and Joe went with a black tank top, which showed off his shoulders.  

Sidling up to Booker as he helped put away groceries, Nile whispered, “Ten bucks that Joe and Nicky start defiling the dance floor?”

Booker laughed loudly.  “I don’t make bets that I know I will lose, Nile.  That’s Nicky’s job.”

Nile pouted, but soon rallied.  “We are all gonna look so good, people are gonna be so jealous when they realize Joe and Nicky, and Andy and Quynh are together!”

“Ah,” Booker said, looking down at the counter.  “Nile.  If you wish to go home with someone tonight, I only ask that you keep your phone on you.  Just in case.”

Nile blinked.  She hadn’t even thought about that.  Hadn’t planned to try to pick anyone up.  She was trying to forget about her immortality, right?  Just for the night?  That could be a good way to help forget.  But… she didn’t want to.

“Thanks, but that’s not what I want from tonight,” she replied, keeping her tone light.

Booker nodded.  She did notice his shoulders relaxed as she walked away.

They had some down time before they should start to get ready, but Nile couldn’t settle.  She ended up doing her eye makeup while she waited, wanting something to do.

Andy knocked on the open door of the bathroom to announce that supper was ready.

“Awesome, just gimme a minute and I’ll be good to go,” Nile said, curling her eyelashes.

Andy leaned against the doorway.  “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth,” she said.

“For what?” Nile said, now putting on mascara.

“For treating you like a kid sometimes.  When I first saw Joe’s drawing of you, I thought, ‘she’s just a baby,’ but you’ve proved time and time again that you can handle yourself.  We should have considered that.  I think,” Andy cut off, sighing.  “I think we wanted to be there for you, the way we hadn’t been for Booker.  To make up for not noticing how bad it was for him.”

Andy looked at Nile, who stared at her, shocked and touched.  “We were thinking of ourselves and what we needed more than you.  That wasn’t fair to either of you, and I’m sorry.”

Nile put the wand back in the mascara tube and dropped it on the counter, not caring where it fell.  She hopped off the counter and hugged Andy.  She felt Andy’s hand cup the back of her neck and relaxed into the embrace.

“Thank you for that, Andy,” Nile murmured.

She let out a breath and felt the last traces of her anger fade away.

___________________________________

Nile was decidedly tipsy as they made their way to the nightclub that Booker had found for their night out.  With her fast healing, she’d had to pregame a lot more than back when she was younger and well, mortal - no, she wasn’t thinking about that - and had drunk about half a bottle of vodka to feel as loose and happy as she did right now.

Booker himself hadn’t touched the alcohol and Nile felt a stab of guilt for getting so much, when he had been so good at staying sober.

He must have noticed her expression, as he shook his head at her.  “It’s fine, Nile.  I want you to have a fun night, and if you wish to imbibe, I understand.”  He gave her a crooked grin.  “I won’t give in to peer pressure.”

She was suddenly overwhelmed with pride and affection for him and didn’t stop herself from going up on tiptoe and kissing him on the cheek.  “Proud of you, Book,” she murmured as she pulled away.

Everyone else in their immortal family saw it, but no one said anything, for which Nile was somewhat grateful.

She also really wanted to talk to someone about Booker.  She was relieved when Quynh leaned against the doorway, much like her wife had done a few hours ago, and asked Nile as she was doing her contouring, “So, you and Booker, huh?”

Nile bobbled the brush she had been using but caught it before it could truly fall.  She turned and closed the door, then turned on some random playlist on her phone, then turned back to Quynh.

“Quynh, I don’t know what to do,” she said honestly.

“Talk to me, little sister,” Quynh said, reaching out to hold one of Nile's hands.

Nile took a deep breath.  She hadn’t ever said any of this out loud and the prospect of it being out there, acknowledged by someone else, was terrifying and exhilarating.

“I love him, Quynh,” she said in a rush.  Her eyes grew wide and she felt tears start and covered her mouth with her free hand.  “Holy shit, I haven’t said that out loud before.”

“How’s it feel?” Quynh asked with a small smile, like she was holding it in until she heard Nile’s answer.

“Amazing,” Nile said, lowering her hand so that Quynh could see her teary, but wide, smile.

Quynh’s smile mirrored her own.

“I love Sebastien le Livre,” Nile murmured, looking at the door.

“Do you have a plan?” Quynh asked.

Nile shook her head.  “What if…  I mean, he was married before.  I don’t even know if he feels the same.  Or if he does, if he’ll let himself start anything.”

“Well, Nile,” Quynh said, “it sounds like you should sit down and talk with him.  Talk about what you want.  See if he wants the same.  At least after that, you will know.”

Quynh’s grin returned.  “But maybe do that later.  Tonight, we dance!”

The atmosphere in the club was exactly what Nile needed as they walked in.  It was dark and the lights flashed often enough to give people momentary identities before they were mostly cloaked in darkness again.  The music was pumping out of huge speakers.  

The other immortals didn’t look as enthused as Nile was, but they dutifully followed her onto the dance floor.  It was just EDM playing at the moment, so Nile took the time to show a few moves that Quynh took great pleasure in replicating.

Soon though, a new song came on and Quynh’s eyes lit up with an idea.  She grabbed Andy and they started to swing dance, right there in the club.  It fit strangely well with the music, even though it was very much a modern song.  Joe and Nicky started to do the same, grins on their face.  Booker held out a hand to Nile and she took it eagerly.  She replicated the steps that Andy and Quynh were doing and followed Booker’s lead, laughing loudly when they got off from the beat and Booker swore as he spun her out and back to reset them.

By the time that song faded out, Nile was breathing heavily and her cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

The next song came on and it was slower, at least at the beginning, and Nile heard the lyrics, “I pray to God, I just don’t know anymore,” and felt like a sledgehammer had hit her over the head.  That had happened that time in-

No, tonight was about forgetting!  She wasn’t going to think about that!

She danced noncommittally to that song, even when it picked up.  The next song started up and Nile recognized it instantly.  “Turn Down for What” had been featured at far too many dances for her NOT to know it.  

Nile took great pleasure in shaking her hips from side to side as the song continued. 

“TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!” she roared along with most of the club.

The moment that the next song’s first notes came on, the club went wild.

People all around the world went crazy for Beyonce.

Nile wrinkled her nose at the line about Monica Lewinsky, cause she was a cool lady it turned out, and didn’t deserve to be turned into a synonym for a blow job.  Otherwise, she rolled her body and even let a guy come up behind her and grind with her.  The moment that the French section of the song came on, though, her concentration broke and she looked for Booker.  He was bobbing from side to side and as the French section continued, his head cocked to the side and his eyebrows went up.  He looked over at her and she smirked at him, gesturing to the part of the dancefloor that Nicky and Joe were currently defiling, just as she had predicted.

He looked over, then back at her, and shook his head.  She could tell that he was laughing, his shoulders going up and down even though she couldn’t hear him from this far away.

She broke away from the guy she had been dancing with, giving him a small smile, and made her way to Booker.  As she moved, the song changed and she grinned.

“You know when I said you just jump up and down?  This is a great example of that!” Nile shouted to her little group.

The entire club was bouncing as the chorus rang out.  If Nile didn’t heal, she knew her calves would be sore tomorrow.

No, she wasn’t thinking about it!

Nile let herself dance mindlessly through the next few songs, not understanding one song as it was in Italian and willfully ignoring the next one that sang about being lonely together.  She didn’t want to think about why she was lonely.

Then the next song came on and she started jumping along until she heard the lyrics, “Party til we die!”

Except she couldn’t die.  She was immortal and she had lost her family just as much as they had lost her and God, it hurt.

She didn’t realize that she was just standing there, staring into space, until Joe’s hand brushed against her arm.  Nile shook herself and shouted, “I’m gonna go get another drink!”

She made her way through the crowd to get to the bar before any of them could respond.  Once she got there though, she ended up just asking for water.  She didn’t want to follow the path of self-loathing and self-destruction that Booker had taken before he had nearly destroyed himself entirely.  While it might be melodramatic to think that a drink in a club would lead down that path, Nile didn’t want to push herself.

She did, however, block out the rest of the song until it finished.

“I love my friends and my friends love me.  Like all the time, they’re right beside me.  We’ve got each other for eternity.  Like all the time, they’re right beside me,” the new song sang.

Nile let out a shaky breath.

She wasn’t alone.

She turned and saw her new family across the room.  They looked back at her with love in their eyes, and suddenly, there was too much space between her and them.  She pushed gently through the crowd until she was back in their little bubble.

They closed rank around her and wrapped their arms around her.  They swayed slowly to the song even though it was fast paced and Nile felt so loved.

“Thanks, guys,” Nile said, smiling around at her immortal family.

They broke apart for the next song and Quynh grabbed Nile’s hand so they would dance together.  Nile ended up cackling at the exaggerated come hither faces that Quynh made at her and pulled Quynh in for a hug.  

“Thank you, Quynh.  For being my big sister and for just.  Well.  Being here.”

Quynh’s arm wrapped around her and pulled her in tight.

The song that came on next was slow and beautiful and as Nile listened to the lyrics, she knew she had to find Book.  He was watching Nicky and Joe sway back and forth with a small smile on his face.  She walked up and tapped him on the shoulder.

He looked at her and his smile gentled even more.

“Wanna dance?” she asked.

“Yes, ma belle, I would love to dance with you,” he answered.

“I never thought in a million years, in a million years, oh It would be you,” the song rang out.

Nile hands ended up on the back of Booker’s neck, as Booker’s hands stayed firmly on her waist.  She did see his eye flutter shut as her fingers scratched through the short hairs there, and she smirked.

“I just can't get you out my mind, So infatuated.”

Okay, the lyrics were a bit too on the nose, but she just pulled Booker closer and let them sway.  She could hear his heart from where her head rested against his chest, and was suddenly so glad that their immortality existed because there was no other way that they would have been able to meet.

She couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Immortality was a fact of her life, like the fact her dad was dead and the sky was blue.  Some things couldn’t be changed and fighting her immortality would only hurt herself and her new family.  She had seen the worst of what fighting his immortality had done to Booker.

She would make a different path for herself.

It would be painful and there would be days that she would feel like she was dying inside.  But she knew that she could do it.  She was strong.  She had already been through so much and she was still here.  And she had her family to reach out to.

Nile had Booker to reach out to.

The song wound down and Nile placed a kiss where she had just been resting her head.  Booker’s hands tightened minutely, then he let go.

“Forever young, I wanna be forever young.”

Okay.  Who had chosen this song.  Nile started laughing and she couldn’t stop.  Her hooting attracted some attention but she didn’t care.  The irony was just too much.

“You good?” Andy asked, smiling slightly as she raised an eyebrow.

“Yes!  Sorry, I just - ahahaha - this song!” Nile answered incoherently.

She calmed as the song continued, though giggled as Joe busted out some truly ridiculous disco moves.  Nicky looked at him with love in his eyes, even as he too, laughed at his husband.

 Nile looked around and felt suddenly content.  She hadn’t been expecting it.  But as she watched her little family indulge her need for normality, or what used to be her version of normality, she felt okay again. 

She reached out and grabbed Booker’s hand and squeezed.  He looked startled at first, then saw her smile and returned it without thinking.  

“Home we’ll goooooo, home we’ll go.”

Nile turned her grin to the entire group and nodded.

“I’m ready to go home.”

_____________________________________

It didn’t take long for Booker and Nile to be the only ones left in the living room when they got home.  Nicky and Joe were up the stairs in a flash, and Nile definitely saw a little ass grabbage as they made their way up to the main bedroom.  Quynh and Andy had some water, then Quynh gave Andy a look and they were off to the spare bedroom.

“The couch is a pullout, by the way,” Andy threw over her shoulder as they went.

Nile laughed.  “Cheers.”

She turned to Booker, still laughing, but he was looking at the couch with trepidation.  

“I can take the floor,” he offered.

“Book,” she huffed.

“It is the gentlemanly thing to do,” he insisted.

She rolled her eyes.  “I don’t remember asking you to be a gentleman, Sebastien.”

His eyes darkened at her use of his real name.  He swallowed and looked away.

Dammit.

“If that’s what you want, Book, I’m not gonna stop you,” Nile said, going to her bag.  “I’m gonna get ready for bed.”

She emerged, clean and without makeup, about half an hour later.  The bed was out and Booker was sitting at the dining table, a cup of untouched tea in front of him.  Nile settled in the chair next to him and stole the tea, taking a sip.

“Talk to me,” she said.

She had said the same thing so many times over the years that they had known each other.  They had been there for each other while they were both going through therapy, on anniversaries of things that made it hard to get out of bed that day, and in so many other ways.

He let out a gust of breath.  “Tonight was fun for you, right?”

Nile considered.  “It was hard at times.  I had gone to forget about immortality and my family, only to realize that there was no forgetting.  But you guys being there helped.  It was nice to dance.  So yeah, I had fun.”

Booker nodded.  “I noticed, there was that man you were, uh, dancing with.  You didn’t change your mind?  Want to go home with him?”

“Nah,” Nile said.  She decided to take a chance.  “Even when I was dancing with him, I started thinking about you.”

He stared at her.  “Me?”

“Yeah, Seb.  I don’t think that going home with that guy would have been very fulfilling.  I think...” she said slowly as she stared down into Booker’s cup of tea, slightly anxious, “I think that no one out there could compare to who I came home with anyway.”

She plucked up her nerve and looked right at Booker when she finished speaking.  He was staring at her, eyes wide.

“Ma chérie, you don’t believe-”

“You calling me a liar, Sebastien?” Nile said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“No, I would never, but-  I mean - I’m just.  Nile,” he said, flabbergasted.

She leaned towards him, putting a hand on his arm.  “You’re worth a whole lot more than you think, Book.  I see how hard you try to be better, for yourself and for everyone else.  I see how much your demons cling and how you still get up every day and keep going.  I see you.  And I think you’re worth everything.”

Her heart was pounding.  This was as close to a declaration of her feelings as she had ever come to.  Though he had given promising signs in the past, there was no actual guarantee that Booker felt the same towards her.

“Nile, mon ange,” Booker breathed, pulling her close and resting his forehead against her.  “Forgive me, I am a little overwhelmed.”

“Take your time, Book,” Nile said sincerely, closing her eyes and listening to her heart beating and his breathing.

They sat there silently for a while, forehead to forehead.  As time passed, Nile calmed and all she felt was content.

He reached up and stroked her cheek as he pulled his head slightly away from hers.  “I think that I started to fall for you the moment that you pushed Merrick out of the window and fell to the street with him,” he admitted.  “I fought it for a long time, because of shame.  Shame in myself.  Shame at what my family would think.  And then,” he stopped, looking away from Nile and took a breath, blowing it out in a gust.  “I finally talked about my feelings for you with the therapist that you helped me find.”

Book turned to look her in the eye and Nile felt like she could melt at the warmth in his gaze.  “She said that loving you wasn’t replacing the ones that I had loved before.  That I could love them and love you.  I don’t have to choose between one and the other.  And suddenly, I heard my Marie’s voice in my head for the first time in a century.”

His eyes filled with tears and Nile reached up and cupped his cheeks, wiping a tear that fell.  He smiled gently at her and pushed on.  “She told me that I was the love of her life, but I will live many lifetimes, and she didn’t want me to be alone.  I used to hear her all the time, before.  She was my conscience and my guiding light.  Ever since I lost her, and our boys, I’ve been lost.  I love our immortal family, please don’t mistake me.  But I used to feel alone, even when they were all in the room.  That feeling led to terrible things.  And then you led my new family to me and saved me.  And since then, I’ve found a new source of light.”

Nile’s eyes filled with tears too.  “Sebastien…”

“Mon dieu, Nile, I love when you say my name,” Booker breathed.

She grinned.  “You gonna kiss me, Sebastien?”

“Mon bonheur…”  His eyes were wide and she could see his heart in them.

“I don’t know that one, Seb.  You’re gonna have to translate.”

“My happiness,” Sebastien said with a small smile.  

Nile smiled and her eyes crinkled, it was so wide.  The tears that had collected in them spilled over and she realized that Sebastien was crying too.

His hand cupped her cheek gently, almost reverently, and they closed the distance between them.  At first, their lips only pressed together.  Then Nile’s hand came up to the back of Booker’s neck to pull him closer and the dynamic changed.  It was still slow but their mouths moved together.  Booker’s tongue laved at her lower lip.  Nile trapped Booker’s lower lip between hers and sucked it into her mouth.  She remembered how much he seemed to like it when she ran her fingers through the short hairs at the nape of his neck and did so again, then gave a soft pull.

He shuddered.

“Seb,” she whispered, kissing his cheek and then leaning closer to speak into his ear.  “We don’t have to do anything tonight, but do you want to go lie down?”

Booker nodded eagerly.  

The pull out bed wasn’t very comfortable.  But Nile lay half on top of Booker and he pulled her close, kissing behind her ear, down her jaw, and back to her lips.  And then everything else didn’t matter.

She woke up the next day still in his arms.  Remembering the thought she’d had, realizing she wanted to wake up looking at him for the rest of her immortality, Nile smiled.  

This morning was the start of an eternity of waking up together.

She kissed his chest before extracting herself from his arms.  He grumbled in his sleep, then settled.

Quynh and Nicky were already in the kitchen when she stumbled in.  Quynh smiled widely at her and Nicky raised an eyebrow.

“Hi guys…” Nile said warily.  The look on their faces made her want to go crawl back into bed.

“So, do you want us to clear out today so you can start your sexcation?” Quynh asked with a shit eating grin on her face.

“Oh my god,” Nile said.  She hadn’t even had coffee yet.

She filled a cup and chugged it.  Nicky’s eyebrow joined its fellow near his hairline.

Nile set the cup down.  “Maybe.  We aren’t there yet.  But I’d rather not get there with you guys in the next room.”  She refilled the cup and started drinking again, slower this time.  “Not like you don’t have sexcations to get to of your own.”

Quynh nodded and Nicky’s eyebrows finally went down as the corners of his lips curled up.

“Also, that pull out is made out of lumps and I’d rather have a better bed for our first time.  Though I don’t really care about the location that much.  Just that it’ll be him,” Nile said thoughtfully.  

There was a sound of someone choking from the hallway.  Nile turned to see Booker standing there, his face going a deep red color.

“Good morning,” she said, ignoring the fact that he had heard her.  “Want some coffee?”

“Nile,” he said, his voice rough from sleep and emotion.

“Yes, Sebastien?”

“I-  You-  Merde,” he hissed, taking two steps and leaning down to kiss her where she sat.  She met his lips gladly.  This was no gentle press.

Well.  It seems once she got passed the gentlemanly facade, they could really have some fun.

She pulled away from him long enough to look at Quynh and Nicky and raise an eyebrow.  “Don’t you have somewhere to be?  People to get out of bed, woo, and get into a different bed at a different place?  Please?”

Quynh laughed.  “Subtle, little sister.”  She stood and flapped her hands at Booker until he took a step back.  “Sisters before misters,” she teased before she gave Nile a hug.  “We’ll be out of the house in less than a half an hour.  Think you can wait that long?”

Nile giggled, then nodded.  “Thank you, Quynh.  I love you.”

Nicky was next, once Quynh pulled away.  He kissed her forehead.  “We’ll see you in a month, Nile,” he said, his eyes smiling at her.

“Enjoy Malta.”

He smirked.  “We will.”

Nile stayed at the table and Booker made her toast and eggs.  Quynh and Andy were out the door first, Andy stopping to give both of them hugs on the way out.  Joe took longer to rouse, so Nicky was going to drive first.

“We’ll call you for directions when we end up in Lithuania,” Joe said with a sleepy smile as they said goodbye.

Nile laughed.  “See you soon.  Love you guys.”

“Love you, our little river!” Joe called as he got into the vehicle.

She shook her head at them but waved as they drove away.

Closing the door, she found Booker doing the dishes from breakfast.  She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his stomach.

A sudsy hand rested against where hers were clasped.

Nile let out a huge sigh.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, nuzzling his back.  “Sometimes it just shocks me the extremes of emotions that people can feel at once.”

“Talk to me,” he said and she smiled and pressed a kiss against his spine.

“I love this family.  So much.  And they exasperate me and challenge me and take care of me and I love them.”  She took a deep breath, then forged on.  “I love my family.  I miss them so badly sometimes it makes my chest ache, and I know that pain will never fully go away.  But I’ll carry it with me cause otherwise, I can’t carry my love for them too.”

She paused and raised on tiptoe to kiss his neck.  “I love you,” she said.  “And that feels a bit like a miracle still.  Maybe someday it’ll feel as naturally as breathing like it seems to be for the others.  But for now, I just want to revel in it.”

Booker was shaking.  Nile could feel it against her chest.

“Seb?  You okay?”

He sniffled.  “Oui, mon bonheur. Ça va bien,” he murmured.

He turned in her arms until she could see the tears on his face.  “You just put how I feel into words.  I love our new family.  I miss Marie and our boys.”  He took a deep breath and looked down at her.  “And I love you.  I love you so much.”

“Seb…”

They pulled each other close and Nile let her own tears come.

Immortality would bring with it times that were hard and times that will be beautiful.  She knew she could handle them.  Especially with her family by her side.  Especially with Sebastien with her.

“Oh, by the way,” she said, pulling back from him a bit.  “I think I’m finally going to go to art school.”

She grinned.  “Wanna model for me?”

Translations: Ma choupette - my little cabbage, in an endearing way Ma belle - my beautiful Per favore - please Ma chérie - my darling mon ange - my angel Mon dieu - my God Mon bonheur - my happiness Merde - shit Oui, mon bonheur. Ça va bien - Yes, my happiness. I'm okay

[365days365movies]

May 10, 2021: Blade Runner 2049 (2017) (Recap: Part Two)

Said I’d talk about artificial humans in sci-fi, so...

There are a HELL of a lot of examples of artificial humans in science-fiction, as well as the ethical and philosophical concepts that their existence raises. Now, your definition of “artificial” may differ from medium to medium. At its base form, these are humans that are not born, but made. I’ll be talking fleshy organic humans, not robotic ones. The most common of these is, of course, clones.

A clone, strictly speaking, is a genetically identical copy of a pre-existing organism, in this case a human. While this isn’t technology we’ve applied to humans as of yet (due to the NUMEROUS ethical problems and questions), we have done so with animals, mostly sheep and cats. It’s actually a good way to de-extinct certain species, and we’ve already done experiments with that. Of course...that has its own concerns.

Keeping up the Jurassic Park reference streak! Anyway...

There are a FUCKTON of examples of clones in science-fiction, but since I’m a massive comic book nerd, I’ll use Superboy. The genetic combination of Superman and Lex Luthor, Conner Kent is one of the most prominent clone superheroes. He’s not the only clone of Superman, of course. He’s not even my favorite clone of Superman, to be honest...

Bizarro am the worst. ME WILL LIVE ON THAT HILL.

Oh, and let’s not forget THE most prominent artificial human in comic books PERIOD. I don’t care what her origin in the movies is, that’s never been my favorite version of Wonder Woman. Making her a demigod robs her of something important, in my opinion.

...Should I make a comic book blog? Shit, thinkin’ about it.

OK, before I do that, these are just my favorite examples. Fact is, there are FAR too many examples of artificial humans to go into, whether they’re built, grown, sculpted, conjured, or a chemical reaction with an extra ingredient in the concoction.

And look, I could go on all day about this, but we got a long-ass movie to get back to. SO, lets jump back in. Part One is here!

Recap (2/2)

Understandably exhausted, K returns home, confused and conflicted. However, he’s greeted with a surprise from Joi: a prostitute! Namely, this is Mariette (Mackenzie Davis), one of the girls who approached him earlier. Joi’s called her here in order to be “real” for K, the effect is impressive, if somewhat...off-putting. Still, while K obviously didn’t need this to be happy with their relationship, Joi might, and Mariette’s all on board.

And it doesn’t take K terrible long to get on board, either. As both Mariette and Joi strip, it makes me wonder...how much does this subscription service for Joi cost. There’s no goddamn way this is free, right? Like, how exclusive IS this AI? And they cut from that scene to a Joi commercial, where we hear that Joi becomes anything you want her to be, and does anything you want her to do. But something tells me that...well, that it’s not quite so simple.

Once the night is over, Joi tells Mariette to leave, and not nicely either. Mariette leaves, rebuking her on the way out as well. K, meanwhile, knows that the Blade Runners will soon be coming after him. He’ll be going on the run, and Joi wants to go with him. And so, they put her inside of a remote device, while deleting her information from the main apartment console. This gets the attention of Luv, who head over to the apartment to figure out what’s going on.

K goes to Doc Badger (Barkhad Adbi), who analyzes the horse for him. It’s discovered that old radiation can be found there, and that amount and kind of radiation can only be found in areas where a dirty bomb has been set off. This would be in the desolate and weird-ass ruins of Las Vegas. While nobody lives there at this point, K and Joi go to check it out.

An IMMENSELY frustrated Luv, unaware of K’s discovery about himself, goes to confront Joshi about K’s whereabouts. Luv berates her for being afraid of change, and tells her that she “can’t fend off the tide with a broom”. Which is a great line. However, as Joshi is no use to her at this point, Luv just straight up kills her. Which, I’m sure, will go over well with the whole “Replicants aren’t dangerous” thing.

Meanwhile, in Vegas...shit is WEIRD. First off all, the desolate wasteland is full of statues of giant sexy wimmin, and I mean GIANT statues. Beneath one of them is a series of beehives, which K goes into to get a hand of beeeees. After that, he goes into an abandoned hotel/casino, rigged with tripwires and booby traps. OK. What.

So, somebody’s using this place as a hideaway, despite the entire city being destroyed by a dirty bomb, and probably extremely radioactive. K searches around and finds it empty. He begins to play a piano, hoping to draw someone out. He ends up drawing out a dog, as well as the inhabitant of the hotel.

Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), baby! Quoting Stevenson’s Treasure Island and holding K up at gunpoint with dog at side is the original Blade Runner himself, Rick Fucking Deckard. God, I love this. Deckard hunts K down throughout the casino, where we see some trippy holograms, and the future of Vegas stageshows (probably).

The two fight, but eventually call a truce and decide to get a drink at the bar. K gets to it pretty quickly, and confronts Deckard on his potential child with Rachael. He confirms that Rachael was indeed pregnant by him, but he had never met his child. Which was the plan, to be fair. He wanted their child to be protected, not hunted down and eventually dissected.

Sometimes, to love someone...you gotta be a stranger.

To an old Frank Sinatra song, a forlorn K (now calling himself “Joe”) looks around, and sees carved wooden animals that resemble the horse that’s haunted his life and memories so much by this point. Which makes sense, considering the foil unicorn from the previous film. Neat little tie-in there.

But paradise is not all it’s cracked up to be, as someone soon comes to find both K and Deckard, despite the fact that K came alone. Although, now that I think about it, Joi may not be one that you can truly trust. Deckard and K try to escape their pursuers, but are caught pretty quickly. In the process, K is injured, but manages to get up in order to fight back. However, this is Luv with these people, and she beats K down EASILY. Turns out that Luv is actually an enforcer, rather than just a secretary. And when Joi awakens from K’s device to ask her to stop, well...she kills the device, and she kills K. In the process, she also takes Deckard away, leaving K behind. Fuck.

K wakes up, only to discover Mariette standing over him in the Las Vegas wasteland. She takes care of him as he wakes up, also stitching up with wounds from the explosion. She tells K to trust her, as well as her compatriots. One of them is the hooded woman from earlier, a Replicant named Freysa (Hiam Abbass). An old friend of Sapper’s she saw the delivery of the child, the “miracle”, and also hid the child away, as it was a symbol that the Replicants are more than just slave, that they are their own masters.

Freysa is building a revolution in order to free the Replicants once and for all. And I’m hard-pressed to disagree with their cause, not gonna lie. However, this comes at a price. In order to prevent Wallace from killing the cause, K must prevent Deckard from leading them to Freysa. They must do what they can until they can reveal the child to the world. For she will be their leader.

Fuck.

Understandably COMPLETELY crushed at this revelation, and more confused than ever, K collapses. Freysa tells him that they ALL wish they were the one, and they all believe. It’s at this point, that K realizes exactly who the Hybrid is: Dr. Ana Stelline. The horse from earlier, it turns out, did in fact belong to her, and she planted her childhood memory with the horse in K’s mind as a Replicant. Damn. DAMN! That’s why the memory moved her so: because it was hers.

Meanwhile, Deckard awakens to a separate nightmare: Jared Leto telling him how he feels about him. After all, Deckard helped to create the first Replicant-human hybrid. He asks him for his help in obtaining the child, so that the key of Replicant reproduction can be further unlocked. And he proceeds in convincing Deckard by playing audio of Rachael and his first meeting (from the first film, of course).

Niander fucks with him further, by suggesting Deckard was summoned all those years ago specifically to fall in love with Rachael in order to father a child with her. But despite all of this, Deckard refuses to give up any of his information. And so, Niander pulls out his ace-in-the-hole...and it’s a real shitty thing to do to a man in mourning. 

Damn. Dude rebuilt Rachael, tries to tempt Deckard with her, FAILS, then lets Luv shoot her in the head. Fucking power move, and fuck Niander for playing it. Dude is a DICK. Meanwhile. that one visual from every single ad of this movie is happening, and I can FINALLY use one of the 8000 GIFs of it, goddamn.

Not gonna lie, it’s an iconic appearance, so I get why it’s so famous. Anyway, K considers a suicidal option, now that he knows the truth. However, before we get to see the final decision, we get to see Deckard being taken back to LA for interrogation by Wallace. However, to prevent him from potentially leading Wallace to the secret of Ana Stelline, K suddenly appears, opening fire on their ship.

The craft is downed, and K exits the car to engage in a firefight with Luv. He appears to win, but Luv isn’t killed once she’s shot. The two have a fistfight out in the rain, and Deckard waits for water to slowly kill the craft that he’s still inside of.

As expected, Luv handles herself well, and despite a number of close calls, she JUST. WILL. NOT. DIE. Damn, she’s resilient. However, despite K, Luv, and Deckard all nearly drowning in an INTENSE fight between the Replicants, an enraged and crazed Luv finally eventually drowns, ending her threat for good. 

K saves Deckard from the sinking ship, and agrees to stage his death, allowing him to meet his daughter for the first time. Once at her facility, K returns Deckard’s horse to him, knowing that it was a gift from him. He tells Deckard that his best memories all come from her, implying that this makes him similar to Deckard’s son, which he picks up on when he asks if he’s OK.

Deckard goes to meet his daughter, and K hangs out on the stairs outside. He feels the snow fall on his hand, and he just...watches it all fall around him. He sits, and he watches it all. And meanwhile, Deckard meets his daughter for the first time.

...Can I just say...GODDAMN!

That movie was absolutely stellar, and it’s definitely landing in the high ‘90s for me, calling it now. I...wow. Seriously. Amazing.

See you in the Review!

[twoidiotwriters1]

🍇 Bucky and reader listening to Fearless (Taylor's version)

We just realized we haven’t been tagging people in the blurbs we’re making, no wonder why no one’s reading them JDSJDSJ SORRY -Danny

 This was a great idea so we did two versions, lol. Mine’s under the cut -Val

(Danny’s version)

“So she dated Joe Jonas, but she broke up with her over the phone?”

“Yeah.”

“And this song is about that?”

“Yup.”

“My God, poor woman,” Bucky leans back on the couch, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I hate men.”

“Don’t we all?” You tilt your head to face him. “And now she’s rerecording her albums because another man stole her work.”

Bucky shakes his head. “In my times we were gentlemen, I don’t know what happened to the kids nowadays, they’re a bunch of little assholes...”

“In your times there was no phone, grandpa,” You snort, “and men would constantly take the credit for women’s work. You just didn’t know it because women had no voice to speak against you.”

“What do you mean you had no voice? Carter was there!”

“Yeah, and she was still disrespected sometimes,” You raise a brow.

“Alright, alright, I’m not gonna start the ‘not all men’ argument, I’m not an idiot,” Bucky makes a vague motion with his hand. “Now shut up and let me listen to Taylor.”

“I thought you only liked 40′s music?” You tease.

“Taylor is timeless, baby.”

"How was your date?" Wanda asks as soon as she sees (Y/N) enter the room. Wanda, Clint, and Natasha are sitting on the couches in front of the television.

(Val’s version)

The girl sighs and sits in an individual armchair.

"Good, I guess."

"Oh-oh. That bad?" Clint asks turning off the tv.

"But you and Trevor have a lot in common and he's a gentleman!" Nat says with a frown. "I thought you would be a nice couple..."

(Y/N) growls sinking her body into the couch.

“Damn it, I thought he was the one. His eyes were beautiful,” adds Wanda.

"Yes, Yes. He’s beautiful, chivalrous,” She thinks for a few minutes and laughs a little. “He’s sensitive and so incredible...” She sings, “He says everything I need to hear, and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better...”

The others look at her confused by the change of mood and the melody.

“He opens up my door and I get into his car, and he says,‘You look beautiful tonight’ and I feel perfectly fine...”

"I don't get it," Clint whispers to the girls.

(Y/N) ignores them, she gets up from the couch and continues singing as she walks to her room. The volume of her voice increases in the chorus.

"But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain — And it's 2:00 a.m. and I'm cursing your name! So in love that you act insane! And that's the way I loved YOU!"

Bucky gets out of his room when he recognizes the voice. (Y/N) moves strangely while singing.

"Breakin 'down and coming undone! It's a roller coaster kinda rush —And I never knew I could feel that much — And that's the way I loved you! " The girl points at him and goes into her room, closing the door behind her.

Bucky frowns.

"Hey, Bucky" Wanda greets him, coming to his side. "You heard her?"

"Uh, yeah – what's going on?"

"I'm not sure. We just asked her how her date went and then she started singing."

Hearing the word date, Bucky stiffens but tries his best not to change his expression.

"You should talk to her," says the redhead.

***

"Why do you decide to attack me now?" Tony growls.

"Nobody is talking to you, Tony," says (Y/N).

"Yeah, we're just counting on how many women you were with before Pepper," says Wanda laughing.

"I feel attacked."

"Ok then, after the blonde from Vanity Fair," Wanda points out looking at Pepper.

"Uh, I think he tried to flirt with Natasha when she was undercover," All of them laugh.

“Couldn't you think of anything other than sex, Stark?"

"Oh sure. As if you don't want the same. I don't force anyone, girls,” He argues. “Also, I always made sure they had their clothes clean and sent someone to take them home. I’m not a monster."

Pepper and Wanda laugh out loud and the man looks at them confused.

"Oh, it's like that song, (Y/N)!" says Pepper.

"Mr. ‘Insincere apology so he doesn't look like the bad guy’ He goes about his day

Forgets he ever even heard my name... Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same!” The girl sings.

"Hey, whose song is that?"

"What? Reminds you of someone?" Wanda jokes.

"Hello Mr.‘ Perfectly fine’! How's your heart after breakin 'mine? Mr. ‘Always at the right place at the right time,’ baby — Hello Mr. 'Casually cruel' Mr. ‘Everything revolves around you’! I've been Miss 'Misery' since your goodbye...”

“And you're Mr. 'Perfectly fine'!” Now all three sing at the same time.

Tony snorts and walks away.

"I love when he reacts like this," says Pepper.

**

"Barnes!" Bucky moves the book out of his hands and looks at Tony.

"Now what?"

"What the heck is happening to the girls?"

"Why are you asking me?"

“Oh, I know that (Y/N) is behind all this and now the others are on her side, singing and laughing and attacking me. I don't like it,” He ends.

“And why don't you go to her and ask her to stop? I don't understand why you expect me to talk to her."

“Don't be silly now Barnes, we all know that she has you wrapped around her little finger. So fix this!"

"What? That’s not true!” Bucky defends himself feeling his cheeks burn.

"Fix.This.Now"

***

“There's something 'bout the way... The street looks when it's just rained —There's a glow off the pavement, You walk me to the car And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there, In the middle of the parking lot, Yeah... Oh yeah,” Bucky listens from the other side of the door. He knocks twice and the voice stops.

"Hey, Buck," says (Y/N) her hair is in a bun, she wears a white shirt and shorts. Her breathing is heavy, but she greets him with a huge smile.

"Hey, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I was just-" she points to her room.

"Singing," He smiles, "I noticed."

She blushes a little.

"Uh, what’s up?" She leans against the frame.

“Uh, nothing important, I just wanted to- uh. Talk to you.”

"Okay," she lets him pass and they both sit on her bed. “What do you want to talk about? Another nightmare?"

"No," he fidgets. "The others asked me to talk about something you've done."

She frowns but understands immediately. She rolls her eyes.

"It was Tony, right?"

“Also Clint and Natasha. At first, they didn't tell me anything, but since the time you made Steve flustered and nervous with a song, they asked me to."

She laughs out loud, he does too, it was quite funny to see his friend so red.

“I don't understand what's wrong with it. They’re only songs!"

“Maybe it's the fact that they’re very specific, I don't know. It doesn't bother me either,” He confesses.

"Really?"

They both look directly into each other's eyes.

"Of course not. You have a beautiful voice."

She blushes again.

"Uh, thanks," she laughs nervously. "Do you want to hear more?"

Bucky nods and she connects her phone to her speaker and the song ‘You Belong With me’ starts playing.

Bucky is silent, listening to the music and lets out a laugh when he recognizes that it is the same one that she had sung to Steve. (Y/N) couldn't be happier hearing Bucky laugh.

"Who sings?" He asks. The girl lowers the volume.

“Her name is Taylor Swift. This was one of her first albums, but she has been recording them again due to some problems she had,” She smiles.

"I like it — and it's incredible how you manage to use the songs for any situation,"

She stares at him for a few seconds. She has an idea, but she’s afraid that maybe Bucky doesn't understand it or that he might even make fun of her. But at the same time, she thinks about the lyrics of the song and knows that it is the right one.

"I can think of one for this moment, do you want to hear it?"

"Of course."

She selects the song but keeps the volume low so Bucky can hear her voice.

"It's the one I was listening to before you came in," She adds. She skips the parts as she watches Bucky focus on the lyrics.

"But you're just so cool... Run your hands through your hair,” She brushes Bucky' hair and he stares.

"Absentmindedly makin ' me want you — And I don't know how it gets better than this... You take my hand and drag me head first, Fearless — And I don't know why

But with you I'd dance in a storm, In my best dress —Fearless."

"Wait," Bucky interrupts.

"I feel safe with you, Buck," She says before he can say anything else. "I know there are more songs in which I could tell you how I feel about you, but listening to it... my mind always goes to you. I'm fearless around you. And that's something very useful, you know, because of our work—"

Bucky's lips against hers prevent her from continuing. The kiss is slow, neither realizes that there’s now another background song. Bucky pulls her into sitting on his lap, holds her by the waist, and when they part they’re short of breath. They both smile.

"Can you sing more for me, please?" Bucky whispers into her lips.

"Of course. I have a lot of material,” She jokes.

Requests are still open!

Marvel Taglist.

@poetryislife0715 @skittles-skittles @lauramacch @hufflepuffzutara @yourbonesareinmybody @silenthappyplace  @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​

[mj-spooks]

Alright, judging by how successful that last Harry Potter experimental question was, Buffy's scooby gang, as a Leverage Crew? Is it too simple to say Buffy as a hitter and Giles as a mastermind?

Which version of the gang are we talking here? Can I go across the whole series? Season 1 only? All Stars? Fuck it I’m cherry picking because THAT’S HOW WE DO.

So, Giles is absolutely on the money. He’s the Mastermind, no doubt. He’s the watcher, he trains the others (mostly Buffy and Faith, but let’s be real, he trains all of them in their own way), he’s the one that works things out, leads research parties, comes up with plans. He’s the Mastermind, at least at first. Like Nate, he graduates out of that position (although I think the others sort of share it after he steps down, rather than one person picking it up).

But Buffy’s not the hitter.

Buffy is the grifter.

Think about it. Pretty, blonde, posterchild for popularity. She’s charismatic. She’s endearing.  You like her. You’d probably do anything she asked you to. She’s an an excellent liar, a brilliant actor. She plays the part. The only reason she doesn’t have Sunnydale wrapped around her fucking finger is because all the bullshit with demons and vampires is Too Obvious for no one to ever notice how weird she is. If they could be even slightly more subtle, or pick slightly more convenient times to get up to their nonsense, no one would ever suspect she was anything but what she looks like.

No, the hitter? That’s Faith. And yes, I’m counting her as a Scooby. My girl got done dirty, alright. Granted, she did some people pretty dirty as well. But she was a teenage girl with a really shitty childhood, and I’m not one to use the shitty childhood as a get out of jail free card (get it), but dude. Dude. Every single thing that could’ve gone wrong for her, did. And every time the team had a chance to prove she could trust them, they fucked it up. Mostly Wesley fucked it up, but let’s not go there. And did I mention she was a teenage girl? Also, it helps that she was only Properly Evil for like, a few months, after which she was in a coma, and was Properly Evil for all of five minutes before deciding “Actually I just wanna be Buffy,” because guess what, she never WANTED to be the bad guy-

I’m getting off topic. The point is. Faith is the brawn, alright? Post-Faith, I guess that position goes to Spike, who let’s face it, is basically Buffy’s backup/guard dog from the moment he realizes he can still kill demons, and especially after his big “Oh shit I love the slayer” realization. For the record, bad decisions being made by an ostensibly helplessly evil soulless monster aside, no one EVER had Buffy’s back like Spike did. Not a single damn person. Fucking fight me. Every. Single. Other. Person. Let her down. Constantly. Or they were never in a positoin to properly have her back in the first place. The one time he really did screw it up, he realized how fucked up he was, and went off and got a fucking soul for her, so basically

Riley, for the record, is not a Hitter and does NOT count as a Scooby, because screw that guy. Also while I’m on the subject, screw Xander, because the episode where Riley leaves and Xander gives Buffy the “you’re the bad guy” speech sits so fucking wrong with me, and Xander goddamn Harris can get fucking bent. I’m still off topic, I know, I know. Sorry, I just. I have VERY STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT BUFFY.

ANYWAY. Willow is the hacker, big fucking shock. She’s... she’s literally a hacker, okay. Even when she stops being all computer-y and starts being all witch-y, her approach to witchcraft is... is to hack it. She hacks magic. Literally. That’s what gets her in so much trouble with it, because she’s too fucking good at cheating the system. It’s how she brought Buffy back. She’s the goddamned Hacker. Age. Of. The. Fucking. Geek. Baby.

Thief............ hmph. I don’t know?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

See, the thing is, basically all of the properly involved Scoobies had to steal something at one point or another, all with basically the same level of success, so... wait.

Okay. No. The thief is Dawn.

She’s literally a thief! She steals from everybody all the goddamned time! With varying degrees of success, sure. But if she was actually trained at it, she’d be better than all of them. She’s the only Little Sibling out of the bunch (Well, okay, Tara had an older brother, but her homelife was so fucked she has Very Different Younger Sister energy than Dawn). She has a specific talent for it that I bet would serve her well if she was actually trained. I honestly at this point have read so much fanfic that I cannot for the life or me remember if canon!Spike ever helped teach her to knick stuff or if that’s just widely accepted fanon!Spike because people love that dynamic (as they should, it’s great). I’m doing a rewatch but... uh... I kinda stopped partway through S5 because I’m like four episodes away from The Body and gods I just can’t take it. Point being, I dunno if that’s legit or not. BUT. If it were legit, and she was taught how to steal, she’d be great at it.

I guess Spike is kind of also the thief. But he’s also the only one of the scoobies that’s properly been a villain (I’m not counting Faith or Willow’s brief insanity, and Angel isn’t the villain, Angelus is, so...), so naturally he’s got the shady skills. He can kind of grift and mastermind, too, except he’s too impatient for it, which is why he ends up stuck as a hitter most of the time. Everything else is too slow for his ass. See, the entirety of S2.

For fun, under the cut, the remaining scoobies and what position they’re best suited for:

Xander: Hitter??? He’s not got the super strength and he’s kind of played for laughs, but there was that whole bit where he had the tactical training from his brief stint as GI Joe in the Halloween episode. He’s a decent tactician, which is kind of the hitter’s job. I bet that if the wasn’t so busy feeling inferior to Buffy and he actually like. Trained. He could be a decent fighter.

Cordelia: Straight fucking grifter. Which she proves plenty of times on Angel. It’s extra great because she basically IS Sophie, what with the whole “can grift like a boss but put her on stage and she’s terrible” bit. She’s also a decent mastermind, also showcased on Angel. She whips him into shape from day one, and is the only thing that keeps AI running half the time. Also not unlike Sophie. Honestly Cordelia is my favorite character from the OG cast. She deserved better.

Angel: Mastermind. He’s got all of Angelus’ brains, remember, just not necessarily any reason to use them. He’s smart, though, and definitely good at planning. He’s also really into knowing the most and keeping his cards close to his chest. The parallels with Nate are a little strong, honestly, because he also has that whole... guilty conscience spiraling downward holier than thou thing going on. And yes, I do ship him and Cordy, thanks for asking.

Oz: Hacker! Not a lot of people really remember this, since his prominent character traits were “In a band”, “Willow’s boyfriend”, and “werewolf”. Plus there’s the whole flunked-senior-year plot point which I honestly think they did just to keep him around. But the first time Oz actually properly interacted with Willow was because they’d both gotten singled out for their badass computer skills on career day. He’s very nearly as good as her.

Anya: Grifter. I mean, the whole vengeance demon schtick relies on the grift. She’s very good at it. Which, she ought to be, she’s been doing it for over a thousand years. It’s sort of hilarious though because it seems like the second she loses her powers, she also loses her ability to blend in. I think that’s likely because she’s used to short term cons, and running the long con that is being human again is more difficult. Still, this is where she shines.

Riley: He doesn’t count because I kinda hate him. But fine if you wanna go there. Hitter. He doesn’t deserve the title though because Eliot is both brains and brawn and Riley can’t think his way out of a paper sack without someone giving him directions, and even then it’s dicey.

Tara: This one is super hard for me! I can’t see her as any of the actual team positions. I suppose the one skill she displays would be grifting, since she does try to hide her identity as a supposed demon from the others for a while before her birthday comes up. But honestly I see her less as a member of the crew and more as a Maggie. Voice of reason, moral high ground, not putting up with shenanigans if she can help it... yeah. Tara’s the Maggie. Every crew needs one.

[knifeonmars]

Capsule Reviews - May 2020 - The Cape Stuff

I read a lot of comics in May. Here’s what I thought of some of the superhero and superhero-adjacent comics I read.

Arms of the Octopus

A nostalgia pick, the collection of several annual issues containing a crossover between Superior Spider-Man, The Invincible Hulk, and the All-New X-Men. It is an artifact of a very specific and bizarre time in Marvel Comics, when Doc Ock was Spider-Man, the Hulk worked for SHIELD, and the original five teen X-Men were stranded in their own future. For a pure, relatively straightforward crossover romp, it's quite enjoyable. Spider-Man is a jerk, the Hulk fights a robot, the X-Men are befuddled by the present, all of the major beats for that particular moment in the Marvel Universe are there, and it's got some really great art. Jake Wyatt, during his regrettably short-lived stint with Marvel and the great Kris Anka unfortunately overshadow the other contributors, but it's all very good, if not the most accessible comic.

Maxwell's Demons

I came to Maxwell's Demons having heard a lot of critical buzz and with my expectations set rather high. I did not care for this book at all. Ambitious is the best word for this series, and that's not a bad thing. It's got ideas, about the craft, about the genre, about philosophy in general. It never quite manages to carry things off though; it's not as smart as it wants to be, and the high-minded ideas are never incorporated in particularly elegant ways. Three of the story's five chapters are essentially extended monologues in which the main character rambles on about some glorified shower thought for 20-plus pages. The first and second chapters are the exceptions to this pattern, and are quite solid as far as pointedly derivative superhero riffs go, even if the second chapter's riff on "What if Miracleman #17 was significantly less intelligent" is more than a little shameless in its lack of originality. The fourth chapter, by contrast, is the nadir of the series, easily the most embarrassing Manic Pixie Dream Girl tripe I've seen played straight in literal years. I'm reminded a lot of Translucid, another superhero pastiche, which essentially sought to do for Batman what Maxwell's Demons seeks to do for Lex Luthor. I warmed to Translucid significantly on my second read and I wonder if the same will end up being true for Maxwell's Demons, but I find that Translucid simply did a better job of incorporating original ideas and stating its themes in ways less stupefyingly clunky than Maxwell's Demon's ever manages. I hate to call a book pretentious, especially an ambitious one, but at present that's how I feel about this book.

Twilight

Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez and Howard Chaykin's Watchmen-for-mid-century-space-heroes epic. It's good. Fabulous art, some really interesting ideas and a great premise. It's also more than a little Chaykin-y, with most of the male characters having fraught but amiable relationships with their much-too-good-for-them-and-they-both-know-it ex-wives. It has this particular brand of low grade misogyny that idealizes women but in doing so denies them interiority and, ultimately, humanity. Leaving that aside, though it is a major point to leave aside, it’s story of humanity rotting over eons of immortality, mad space gods, and humanity’s proclivity towards colonialism and genocide, it's great. It’s not an altogether pleasant book, it can be nasty and strange, in ways both intentional and unintentional, but it’s original and engaging and decidedly well made. Something of an overlooked classic of that era’s DC output.    

Green Lantern: Earth One

Literally the only one of DC's Earth One graphic novels that's worth a damn. Where most of the other Earth One books choose to start things off in a world resembling our own, Green Lantern starts off in a scifi future resembling something along the lines of Ad Astra or The Expanse, with Earth controlled by an only alluded to totalitarian government, humanity colonizing and mining the solar system, and Hal Jordan as a spacefaring roughneck who dreads the prospect of returning to Earth. Earth One is the rare Green Lantern story that manages to make Earth as interesting as the rest of the universe. The bulk of the action leaves this behind to focus on unearth the lost legacy of the Green Lanterns and refits their mythology in a clean way which will be unsurprising for anyone with a passing familiarity with the original comics but is still satisfying ad fresh. Fabulous art, fun take on the mythology, I'm left both wanting more and being satisfied with what we got.

Spider-Man: Life Story

In a just world, Chip Zdarksy, one of Marvel’s best writers these days, would be writing both Spider-Man and Fantastic Four, instead of having been relegated to shortlived spinoffs. Because life just isn’t fair sometimes, instead he was given this admittedly ambitious project, his all-encompassing take on the Spider-Man story as played out in real time. In the end it’s bold and engaging, but more than a little clipped in execution. Each issue is a snippet of Peter Parker's life as we catch up to him in a new decade so readers only get a quick glimpse of the action and are left to fill in the substantial gaps by drawing on our knowledge of continuity. The obvious comparison is John Byrne's Superman/Batman: Generations, but where that story really only took the broad strokes of those characters' continuity into account in writing its decades spanning story, Spider-Man: Life Story is dedicated to the remixing of Spider-Man's publishing canon. So it can’t just take an archetypal view of Spider-Man and play that out to its logical conclusion, instead it’s stuck trying to incorporate version of prominent Spider-Man stories like Kraven's Last Hunt, Venom, and Civil War. The result means that there’s a ton of exposition in each issue, and frequent use of shorthand to gloss over things which have happened since the previous issue, and it never manages to explore the series’ original ideas in detail. Also, I'll die mad that Michel Fiffe, the genius behind COPRA and one of my favorite cartoonists, public pitched basically this exact story a year or so before this project was announced, and even if Marvel didn't actually steal the idea, I'll forever pine for Fiffe's take on this premise.

Star Wars: The Crimson Empire Saga

Long before the Disney's take on Star Wars, with their codified takes on the mythology and careful curation of the franchise, there was the old Star Wars Expanded Universe, where seemingly anyone could tell any story they wanted using the mythology of Star Wars. While it resulted in some good stuff, like Timothy Zahn's fondly remembered Thrawn books, the vast majority of it was workmanlike or even bad. Crimson Empire falls firmly into the category of bad, a dumber than dirt story about an extremely cool space guy and his code of honor. It's the kind of story where multiple characters say "He's just one man!" right before or right after seeing their legion of anonymous flunkies getting demolished by the hero. It's got an inexplicable and bad love story. In the three miniseries collected here it spends about two pages total dealing with the idea that maybe, just maybe, the fact that it's main character is dedicated to the lost honor of Emperor Palpatine, a space fascist, maybe his code of honor is completely fucked. Of those three miniseries, only the first story is anywhere near something that could be called good. I wouldn’t called Crimson Empire utterly abysmal, but it’s not unironically good. If the name Kyle Katarn means anything to you, you might get something out of this as a nostalgia trip, but otherwise it has no redeeming qualities.

Deathstroke: Legacy

The first of the New 52 Deathstroke stories, which was never well regarded until Christopher Priest took it over with Deathstroke: Rebirth, I was driven to read this by a conceptual fondness for this era's Deathstroke basically looking and acting like an action figure. Through that lens, it's quite enjoyable. It's not as obviously in on the joke in the way that the classic Taskmaster: Unthinkable is, but it's over the top, has fun designs and baddies, and Joe Bennett (years before his career best heights in Immortal Hulk) provides consistently good art. As a pure action comic, it's good.

Wolverine MAX: Permanent Rage

Here's the thing about Wolverine: There are very few good Wolverine solo stories. Wolverine is a genuinely good character, but most of his solo stories are dumb action affairs, and there's literally never been a Wolverine comic that's even halfway as good as the Logan movie. Permanent Rage, the first storyline from the Wolverine MAX series though, is actually pretty decent. It plays out a lot like you might imagine a Wolverine movie made around 2004, with no superheroes, a Japanese setting that allows for some distracting orientalism, unrelenting violence, and a noir-inspired storyline. The present day storyline is all well and good, not great, but solid and relatively low-key, but what makes the book is the presence of Sabretooth as the main villain. His relationship with Wolverine, fleshed out through flashbacks drawn by some really talented artists, is probably one of the best takes on that relationship that Marvel has ever put out. The casting of Wolverine and Sabretooth as two lonely immortals, bound together by hate and the knowledge that they are each other's only true companions, absolutely makes this book. Is it great? No, but it's got enough interesting things going on that fans of dark superheroes stories would probably find something to enjoy. Subsequent volumes of Wolverine MAX moved even further from the character’s superhero trappings and supporting characters, which is a pity, but this one remains readable and enjoyable on its own.

Marshal Law Omnibus

A collection all of the non-licensed and non-text-only Marshal Law stories. It's weird, it's punk, it's violent, it's sick of superheroes but self-aware about it own silliness in a way that Garth Ennis' work like The Boys has never been (Incidentally, the fifth story contained here, Super Babylon, is just every self-righteous complaint Ennis made about superheroes in The Boys but presented with a modicum of good humor). It's quite fun as a mean-spirited anti-superhero romp, but anyone who is particularly invested in the moral rectitude of, like, the Flash, might find it an unpleasant read so I would advise avoiding it if that's you. It's also not perfect, even for what it is: it's approach to sex work and kink is very dated, it relies on sexual violence a little too much, and by the time you get to the final story, Secret Tribunal, it's come to revel in its previously ironic fascist and misogynist imagery and characters just a little too much. The third installment, Kingdom of the Blind, is for my money, the strongest of the lot, featuring both the most straightforward premise and the most incisive satire the collection has to offer.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

You're so right about the Will Roland fanart problems. It seems like back when Will Roland was only known for Jared people were way more proWill because he could be their funny meme boi who ate bathbombs but now that he's a lead with all these emotional songs it's like God forbid he's not their "twink bby". Idk it annoys me so much especially when people draw the rest of the Broadway cast and still use WillC or do an animatic with WillRs voice and WillCs character ugh like. Accept the Roland pls

lmao we are all just out here grabbing the mic like “attention all bastards: Look, just because will roland isn’t your ideal fancast for most adorable twink of the year - “

really like, i have never come across any signs of there having been any pattern in the deh fandom of ~taking issue~ with will’s Abilities to sing or play the part of a struggling teen or whatever like what crops up re: him being the lead in bmc.....it also is unsurprising yet disappointing that like, jared and alana are so easily completely ignored, but when they Are acknowledged it’s super flattened interpretations like, either they’re both hypocritical jerks (just based on evan’s gfy accusations basically lol) or if they’re actually viewed in a positive way it’s just like, alana is your friendly local Model Student and jared is memes and neither of them are in the way! :3

you litrally cannot ignore jeremy the Whole Entire Main Character tho and also like. can’t ignore the fact that caring about jeremy as a Romantique Lead is ahhh important to many ppl in the fanbase? so him being regarded as ~less cute~ is more of an Issue b/c the character must be taken seriously and is the sympathetic hero and has a lot more solo material / more of Any material / more focus than jared does in deh.........you Have To Look At Him and care about his actual feelings and not just misinterpret the character as “has no serious emotions b/c he doesn’t say serious things in a serious tone” the way ppl misinterpret jared. there’s the assumption that someone who is good / sympathetic should also be attractive / cute / Personally Appealing To Look At and that wasn’t as much a conflict when ppl didn’t think it was important to sympathize / care about / pay attention to jared too much, and the “conflict” of caring abt jeremy’s capacity for a romantic relationship but that’s less important if he’s not as Cute also not being as much an issue when most people don’t care about jared’s romantic feelings or think that they exist despite jared being in love with evan But Anyways

like it is wild the things people will just make up to “justify” their Dislike for will, which has only manifested as apparent Issues thanks to him playing jeremy rather than jared........there’s the classic “mm idk i don’t think he can sing that well” approach which like. some people are just trying to say they do not like the inherent descriptive qualities of his voice, which is more nasal obviously and don’t anyone come in here with the “Actually the Technical definition of Nasal re Vocals is” b/c we know what i mean, alright? nasal voices are not considered ~serious~ and there’s the kneejerk dumb-annoying-loser-nerd association. god knows that jeremy heere canNot have characteristics that could be automatically judged as irritating and unappealing. then there’s the notion that He doesn’t have the (vocal) range!! which like. do you honestly think they would cast someone who doesn’t have the correct range. you’re aware that will roland was being considered for the part of jeremy in the two river run up to the last round of callbacks. you know that the song that was literally written expressly to suit will roland’s individual voice and singing abilities makes use of his falsetto which people go “omg he can’t hit those high notes” except sometimes when they misattribute his falsetto to other singers they suddenly find it worth complimenting. and then you get people who like, want to subscribe to this softened version of it and get all backhanded like “oh i think will’s vocals are improving whew that’s good” in any random video and always Only single him out apparently like. did you think he gets worse with experience? you don’t wanna talk about any of these other professional singers improving or worsening or anything? only wanna give ur assessment of william’s huh

honestly i for real haven’t seen the 1.0 version b/c i’m here via will roland in the first place & i’ve never gotten the impression that there’s some Essential Content i’m missing out on by having only seen 2.0........but between a) people complaining that will r’s jeremy is Too Frustrated He Shouldn’t Be That Angry It Makes Him Less Sympathetic and b) saying just as a point of comparison betwixt the depictions that will r’s jeremy is more frustrated and c) i haven’t read That much bmc fic but people sure talk about jeremy being like five seconds away from bursting into tears at any given moment which like, okay yeah aren’t we all, but also i presume this stems from will c’s apparently Sadder portrayal of jeremy. i almost forgot where i was going with this one but i think it’s just that yeah people truly take issue with will r’s jeremy being more frustrated and it’s like you realize there’s no Right or Wrong portrayal / interpretation even if you prefer one for whatever reasons......theatre just is Like that.......you have a slightly different portrayal during ever performance even from the same actors, and you’ll often have different actors playing the role........yeah people usually are attached to the first performance they see / have that as their Standard and that’s fine, it’s just like, you don’t have to decide that’s an Objective view and that you have Objective issues with everyone else’s take. 1.0 is still there for you

uhhhh oh yeah and the whole Clout idea lmao......people really putting themselves out there shaking their heads at the supposed fact that will was cast for the off bway run to Boost Popularity b/c he was part of the deh obc......besides the whole thing that it’s hardly likely that would’ve been considered necessary anyhow, there’s the little thing that a) again, will roland had already been very seriously considered for the part even before will connolly was decided on for the original run and b) like.....these people had been collaborating for eons and you really think will roland only popped into their minds thanks to being in deh....and c) joe iconis has repeatedly said they specifically did Not want to cast people based on who was Known enough and whose names would be good for marketing and d) maybe anyone has noticed that the marketing never involved any mention of anyone in the cast? no? cool. and yet people like so truly think they’re Wise to ~real reason~ that they’d go and cast will roland as the lead. like people are making shit up and really just thinking it’s true b/c they Want it to be true b/c they Want to be validated in having actual contempt for will’s casting despite the “issue” being that he doesn’t seem as Likeable (worthy of sympathy...cough...) thanks to his deemed-unattractive looks and sweetly-adenoidal voice and more-frustrated portrayal all seeming less cute or whatever

and i mean i haven’t seen it crop up of late but the one particular Grasping At Straws ~justification~ for will being unworthy of the part thanks to perceived acting/singing incompetence which is soooo wild is when people are like “ough i Hate when he just holds his arms out when he sings” like fmslkdj if anything that’s just an individual quirk and the fact that it was something you noticed means you just latched on to it as potential fodder for “the fact i registered this information abt someone whose existence i Resent means it distracted me which means i hate it and it’s bad”...like another thing he does with his hands while singing is when he makes the loose claws and kind of half crosses his arms in front of his chest! where are the complaints about that?? nowhere, b/c people have not really processed it as a particular thing, so they can’t deem it a Particular Thing To Criticize. people sometimes Notice that his jared talks with his hands a lot, which will says is an acting choice that came from an unconscious tendency, but people really only bring it up to juxtapose will’s jared’s dramatic tendencies and nervous habits with sky’s jared’s more outwardly still and smoothed-over behavior. aka they don’t Complain about it or deem it a weakness / bad thing. and yet people caring about bmc are really jumping on that chance to be like oh ugh there he goes again, having a characteristic i associate with him as an individual, disgusting, can’t believe will connolly was murdered for this..

it’s a bit clearer too with bmc moreso than deh that people aren’t super willing to accept how will roland Looks b/c like, thanks to will connolly’s jeremy having the long hair thing you can Tell The Difference In Which Actor Is Represented when ppl draw the character even if the rest of the features are kind of “generic” (and how even the costuming isn’t a dead giveaway since ppl will draw connolly jeremy in 2.0/3.0′s outfits) and it even serves to specify the actor in writing format too if they mention the hair lol........and honestly?? this fact is one of the most damning things lol in that people the reason so many ppl continue to produce connolly-based jeremys is Not because for whatever reason they can’t / it’s too difficult to draw a will roland lookin jeremy......like a lot of the time The trait which serves to distinguish between the two is the hair thing. people are adopting jeremy’s new costuming and stuff but choosing to make sure we know that jeremy does not Look like will roland and the clearest indicator of this is the longer hair thing......which also means that for many people the main effort they’d need to exert to make it clear they’re drawing wrol jeremy would just be to....shorten the hair. And Yet!!!! it is apparently beyond people to do this

like uh nice on making a lgw animatic but really.........really we’re gonna take the song that is specifically from the 2.0 / 3.0 runs, so it’s obvious we’re Accepting that non-1.0 content, okay......and we’re Accepting will roland’s vocals, which, a person’s voice is a physical trait of theirs too, same as The Existence Of Their Body........and yet jeremy Cannot Look Like How Will Roland Looks, that’s too far, can’t do that. we can take material from the specific versions the actor was cast in, that material being a song written specifically for this individual actor’s voice, in the form of this actor’s actual vocals......but can’t have the depicted image of jeremy be based on this actor’s appearance..............of all the......

really all that it is is that more people find will connolly more attractive than will roland and this makes them feel like will roland Is Worse and then the people who just run with that either just embrace that and are crashing around on public forums saying Lol i hate him cuz he’s ugly lmao....and then you have people who don’t wanna do that but don’t wanna actually examine why they ~take issue~ with will being cast and so they’ve gotta leap on any Other things about him that feel more acceptable / Objective like oh the portrayal is “Wrong” (that’s not how this works) or he can’t sing well enough (yeah he can) or high enough (yeah he can) or he was stunt cast (no he wasn’t) or they wanna label every characteristic / trait they can think up that Isn’t his physical appearance as Annoying And Bad like. maybe stop and ask why you find it SO pressing that this other actor has the part and it Must be objectively inferior if not ruinous for reasons you gotta invent about him being incompetent cuz it’s better to make stuff up about how a professional actor isn’t good enough for a part than to say you don’t think he’s cute enough and are bothered by that

it didn’t matter as much to people when they viewed his character as either Just A Joke or Just A Jerk or flat-out disposable material. being attractive is for serious sympathetic beloved characters, natch

unfortunately jeremy can’t be written off as The Unimportant Meme Friend With No Real Feelings so now there’s a whole problem if an actor is not as cute

like b/c of the way he looks ppl can accept that a character played by will roland can be funny or can be rude or can really not be too important to take seriously / consider complex or sympathetic or likeable beyond being a walking Running Joke, but when it comes to a sympathetic main character whose emotional state is so important it’s practically assigned a character and who’s a romantic lead? now people have a problem with him looking the way will roland does

[superjennysunshine]

ABC’s of your OC’s

a list of oc questions in alphabetical categories - i made each category based on the first word I could think of in alphabetical order, so enjoy! 

Waffles’ taking the stadnd on this one.

A: Aptitude 1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

Hitting things with a hammer.

2. what activities have they participated in?

None to my knowledge.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

The ability to talk to a pretty lady without shaking.

4. what things are they bad at?

She’s not a smooth talker, let’s just leave it at that.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

As soon as she gets one, doing a kickflip on a skateboard.

B: Basics 1. what is their hair color?

Dark brown.

2. what is their eye color?

Orange/Yellow.

3. how tall are they?

3ft 5 inch.

4. how old are they?

19.

5. how much do they weigh?

I’m too stupid to come up with an exact number but she is a really buff goblin so do with that what you will.

C: Comfort 1. how do they sit in a chair?

Feet on the seat with legs spread and arms resting on her knees. 

2. in what position do they sleep?

She says she sleeps all spread out in every direction but she curls up into a tiny ball.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Fishing.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Waffles, her grandfather used to make them for her all the time and  she loved them so much they became her name sake.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

No one. Not since her Grandfather and even he had a hard time doing it.

D: Decoration 1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

First of all a front door mat that says “Welcome Y’all”, and a lot of country things like train lamps and old paintings that she has no idea what they're about, cup holders that have a map of the world on them (thanks for this suggestion dad lol), in the kitchen a lot of things relating to fruit, like fruit plates, and cups, and little hand towels with fruit on them. Y’know southern trailer park “we like to pretend this house is connected to the ground” type decoration.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

She has 18 children in cannon so who knows pal. Does a bed and a hug count as decoration?

3. how do they decorate their own room?

Anything she got from her adventures probably but that’s about it.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

In canon she wears a hide tank with a skirt/shorts and foot and hand wraps, but i made a modern AU version of her that wears an human sized DragonBallZ t shirt and it looks kinda like a dress in an odd way and it’s so cute and hilarious.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

HAHAHAAAHAHAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

fuck no.

E: External Personality 1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

maybe like ten trillion percent.. Waffle doesn’t really hide who she is.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

Is it a city persons norm? Or a swamp Urchins norm? depends on who you’re asking. 

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

She does her own thing mostly.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

No but she loves to dab. 

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

She wears her personality on her sleeve. She’s too go ham to not be foward about anything.

F: Fun 1. what do they do for fun?

Run around in the woods and get hurt doing stupid shit, that’s her brand of fun right there.

2. what is their ideal party?

Getting high, eating funyuns, drinking Yoohoo and playing DDR with her friends IN THAT ORDER.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Kringo has a Pillow fort.

End of discussion.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

Maybe? her source of joy doesn’t necessarily come from doing illegal things but apparently it’s bad to beat the shit out of bad people in someplaces and she does think giving villains their just desserts is fun so.

5. do they go out a lot?

Side? Yes. Partying? No. Theres a lot of pretty ladies in clubs and it makes the poor girl shake. I only said she could talk to one girl and not shake remember?

G: Gorgeous 1. what is their most attractive external feature?

Waffle has the cutest eyes you’ve ever goddamn seen.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

She’s funny apparently, that’s pretty attractive.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

She’s always down to hang and she’ll take a nuke for you after being her friend for about 7 seconds.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

She tends to feel inadequate intellectually with some of her peers, it bothers her more than she lets on.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

Despite lacking intelligence she isn’t envious of people who have it, she’s more jealous of people who are smooth talkers because it would be easier to net a girlfriend that way.

H: Heat 1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

Warm, she likes being toasty.

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Winter, when it’s cold outside it makes a warm room all the more comfy.

3. do they like the snow?

She’s actually never seen snow but she’d love it.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Fishing or taking a swim.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Camping!

I: In-the-closet 1. what is their sexuality?

Waffle is good ol disaster lesbian.

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

No.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

No.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

Her Mother and Father hate her and everything else so no. But her Grandpa loved everyone which is a trait that carried into her adulthood.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

If she lived with her parents she probably wouldn’t have at all, but she would tell her grandpa no problem.

J: Joy 1. what makes them happy?

Having fun, and seeing her friends be happy. 

2. who makes them happy?

Any of her friends can make her happy. 

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

Edge of Seventeen makes her feel badass.

4. are they happy often?

90% of the time yes.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Going fishing with a friend.

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

No.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

If it’s to bad people, all the time.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

No one specific just the worst person she could think of in that moment.

4. who would miss them if they died?

I assume her friends.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

Her mom and dad wouldn’t be happy they probably just wouldn’t care.

L: Lemons 1. what is their favorite fruit?

Watermelon.

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

Pineapple.

3. are there any foods they hate?

Pineapple again. It’s just too much for the poor girl to handle.

4. do they have any food intolerances?

She has a nut allergy. 

5. what is their favorite food?

Waffles, especially with strawberries on top.

M: Maternal 1. would they want a daughter or a son?

She would just want a child, she has no preference.

2. how many children do they want?

As many as she can care for before crumbling to dust.

3. would they be a good parent?

The. FUCKING. BEST.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

Her process when naming her children would be to wait till they can speak and cook loads of food and let the child pick their favorite (and by that i mean her wife would NOT let her name them lol).

5. would they adopt?

She has too, and would love to.

N: Never Have I Ever 1. what would they never do?

hurt an innocent person.

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

Sing Karaoke.

  3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Actually be evil. How is it even possible when being nice is so fun.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

we’ll find out on the next episode of Cafe Gio: Waterdeep is so fucked

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

Not yet, but they will eventually.

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

Optimistic. 

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

I mean she tries to be pretty optimistic no matter what.

3. are they good at giving advice?

GOD NO. WAFFLES AN IDIOT.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

Joe’s inspired her a couple of times and she’s really appreciated it.

5. were they always optimistic?

Yes.

P: Personality 1. what is their best personality trait?

She’s very nice and welcoming to most.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

She’s a damn idiot that girl. She’s like a bull that sees red all that time.

3. what of their personality do others love?

Jeff I’m sending this to you so you tell me.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

I feel like some people would be jealous of being able to look on the bright side all the time.

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

Waffle knows she’s a disaster lesbian and fucking despises it (the disaster part obviously)

Q: Questions 1. do they ask for help?

No.

2. do they ask questions in class?

A better question would be does she ever stop asking questions in class.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

yes, but with a blush.

4. do they ask weird questions?

Unintentionally yes.

5. are they curious?

God yes.

R: Rules 1. do they follow rules?

Almost never.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

Stricter than you think but still pretty laid back. She’d be fine with letting her kids go and get into trouble but would definitely keep an eye to make sure they don’t do anything too stupid.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

She just recently got detained. But when the pretty captain lady showed up those cuffs got a little warmer IFYAKNOWWHATIMSAYIN.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

No, she will eventually, but not right now.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

If at any point someone stops helping someone else because of a rule? Yes.

S: Streets 1. are they street-smart?

More like Swamp Smart.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Hell yeah. 

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

One time. two thousand more to go.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

She got daggers thrown at her, that wasn’t particularly her best day.

5. are they cautious when out?

Caution is not a part of Waffles vocabulary.

T: Truth 1. are they honest?

Yes. Dangerously some would say.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

No, she’s naturally inclined to believe people mostly anyway.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

Yeah... Poor Waffle, the little girl can’t even lie right.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

Not yet.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

No.

U: Underdog 1. have they been bullied?

Yes. Her parents were absolute bastards to her.

2. have they bullied anyone?

If she did i would hop universes and smack the soul out of her.

Also no she’s not an asshole.

3 have they been physically attacked by a bully?

HA , if they wanted to lose their fucking arm.

4. have they ever been doubted?

Probably. 

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

Not to my knowledge.

also probably wont we’ll just nip that expectation in the bud.

V: Vomit 1. do they vomit often?

No.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

Yes. She doesn’t know why.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

If you enjoy rabbit soup and warm hugs than yes.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

A warm blanket, warm food, If she lives in the modern AU maybe a nice movie.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

When she’s nervous she stutters.

W: Water 1. do they drink enough water?

Yes.

2. have they learned to swim?

She could place gold in laps if she wasn’t 3 feet tall.

3. do they like to swim?

Yes!

4. can they dive?

CANNONBALLS ONLY!

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

Yes.

X: Xylophone 1. what is their favorite genre of music?

Southern Rock.

2. do they have a favorite song?

Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

She thinks Stevie Nicks is an actual witch, and she thinks that’s fucking DOPE.

4. can they sing well?

God no.

5. can they rap?

God do i wish.

Y: You 1. how old were you when you created them?

20 (it feels like i’ll never not be 20 and im sure that’s a good thing for people that don’t feel like fucking dust like i do).

2. what inspired you to create them?

I found the art of her and the idea just snowballed from there.

3. were they different when they were first created?

She had a canon sister in the very early days called Pushdaisy who i might still make but they wont be sisters.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

Yes, were similar in our eloquence and intelligence so when I’m writing i just have to ask myself what a braver me would do.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

I don’t have one, i love Waffle so much and she means so much to me as a character.

Z: Zebra 1. what’s their favorite animal?

Pig.

2. do they like animals?

Yes!

3. cats or dogs?

Dogs, they got those floppy ears!

4. what’s their dream pet?

An actual whole ass Land Shark, I am not joking. 

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

A pig named chicken but it’s not with her.

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

________________________________________

Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

________________________________________

So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

________________________________________

And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10

[christianmenatwork]

Pray, Forgive, Fear Not-Selah36-CMAW115

S

From Justin Camp, Wire Devotional

[ 1 min read ★ ]

The Lord is my helper; I will not fear—Hebrews 13:6

We have an enemy, brother, and he is a liar. He “fills the world with lies” (John 8:44 MSG). He doesn’t tire of his work . . . and he is clever. He reserves certain lies, holding them, waiting for the right time and for the right men. For he knows that some of his lies are more persuasive at certain times and under specific circumstances. 

  As we stand now, looking out at the expanse of a new year, he knows it’s time to whisper fear into the minds of men. He’s whispering, to those who’ll listen, to be afraid of what trouble might be coming. He’s whispering this lie now because he understands our nature. He knows we like control. He knows we like to know what’s next. He knows it’s difficult to feel “in control” when facing the uncertainty . . . when anything, really, might happen. And so, he knows it’s time to take advantage.

  We confront a choice, therefore. We can accept his lie, shoulder the fear, shrink back and focus on survival by returning to things that offer us just a little comfort—work, food, alcohol, pornography, distraction, withdrawal. Or, we can reject his lie, spurn his fearmongering, hold tight to the promises of God, and move forward—trusting that no trouble will surpass God’s ability to protect us and care for us.

  “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike ‘What’s next, Papa?’” (Romans 8:15-17 MSG)

  First Light the bait of Satan- 12/16

The Bait of Satan 

  Lest satan should take advantage of us, for we are not ignorant of his baits.

2 Corinthians 2:11 

  The bait of satan is the title of a popular book written a few years ago. It is also a revelation of great truth found in God's Word. We learn from the Word that the enemy of our soul that is hell bent on our destruction uses "bait" to capture us in order to steal, kill and destroy us. Being a fisherman, I am well aware of how effective the right bait can be in capturing a fish! The bait that is spoken of here in Second Corinthians is no doubt his favorite and most effective weapon used to wound and damage people, families and churches. It is the bait of bitterness, or as it is called in the Bible; unforgiveness. Personally, in thirty-five years of ministry I can testify that this is the satanic tool that has done the most harm to people where I have pastored. It is the tool that is currently dividing our nation. No doubt it is the evil ones "go to" weapon. The Bible admonishes us not to "be ignorant" of his diabolical working in this area within our personal lives and to reject every attempt of his to inject thoughts of bitterness into our thinking. Most of his schemes would never trip up the average believer. Being tempted to steal, murder, lie, abuse drugs or steal someone's mate would be so repulsive to saints that they are useless against them. However, the bait of bitterness is justified by many believers and ensnares them. That is why we are warned to live with a constant vigilance against any attempt of the enemy to bait us into a hard heart against anyone. I have seen so much damage done with this one tool. Let’s determine we will not become prisoners of satan by receiving accusations from hell against others. Let’s refuse to justify our bitterness by calling it "hurt" or anything else that allows it to remain. Let’s call it what God calls it and be free from the bondage that it guarantees. Often, I am asked "how can I forgive them after what they did"? That's a great question. The Bible has a great answer! The living God will never ask me to forgive anyone more that He has forgiven me. I was damned in my sin against God. Guilty without excuse. But, in the greatest act of forgiveness in history He not only forgave me, but He made His Son stand in for me at my cross and accept my punishment. I can forgive because I have been forgiven!

  Thank you, Father, for the power of forgiveness to keep me free from the bondage of bitterness and torment that is afflicting so many today. I praise you that a forgiven man can afford to forgive!

  First Light 11/26/20

        Why Pray?

  "Don't ever stop praying with great earnestness, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving."

Colossians 4:2 

Does anyone struggle with prayer? Do you ever struggle with finding time to pray? Do you ever wonder if your prayers make a difference? Let’s be bold and ask the question here. Why even bother to pray? Should I pray simply because I'm expected to? Do I pray to keep God happy? The truth is that most believers give very little to prayer. Heck, the average preacher in America prays very little. What difference does it make anyway? Let me bring out a great truth from scripture regarding our praying. We are called by our Father to pray many times in the Bible. Today's scripture calls us to pray earnestly and never give up. Me praying doesn't make me a "good Christian". Its not a question of my goodness. Its a question of His goodness. In what I fear may be an oversimplification let me pose this thought; why would a good Father call me to pray of He wasn't going to do something? Would He require me to spend time in prayer knowing He was not going answer? That prayer was just some form of Christian discipline He puts me through for some unknown purpose? A thousand times no. If He is as good as His Word says He is, anything He calls me to do will certainly have a purpose and great benefit. I cannot imagine telling my children to ask me for something knowing my answer was no. That would be warped. Truth is that He says He will give you what you ask for quicker than you will feed your children when they ask for dinner. "If you being evil compared to me will give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask Him"? I am convinced by His Word and His Spirit that He greatly desires to answer our prayers when prayed boldly in faith. I simply cannot imagine Him commanding me to do something just so He can ignore me. He will do what He says He will do. It’s that simple. "Call on me, I will answer you, and show you great things you have never seen before". I have a feeling (actually a revelation from scripture) that our great struggle to pray comes from an unholy devil that knows what happens when God's people pray in faith and humility. He knows how good our God is. That's why he does everything in his evil power to hinder us from praying to God. Do what he may, he won't stop me from calling on the Most High. I know how Good God is.

  Father, knowing how you are, I declare as David did, "in the morning I will lift up soul to you in prayer". Thank you that you will hear me and answer

  From Pastor Richard Geiger, Torah Teaching on 11/21/20

  Witchcraft tries to conjure events with our words, not including God

Prayer is a relationship, meditating and relating, communing with your Lord

We press in to know Him better

Luke 18 - unjust judge 

We survive in this world of deception in His presence

PUSH - pray until something happens 

Prayer needs to flow from a life of obedience

  E

Rita, wife of Joe Albright, who wrote book “Liberating the Bruised”. In the Preface of his book Joe talked about how he was an alcoholic in the early part of their marriage and said this about his wife Rita

“When I was drinking Rita

L

So he sent his brothers away, and they departed; and he said to them, “See that you do not become troubled along the way.”

Genesis 45:24 - NKJV

  Then tax collectors also came to be baptized, and said to him, “Teacher, what shall we do?” And he said to them, “Collect no more than what is appointed for you.” Likewise the soldiers asked him, saying, “And what shall we do?” So he said to them, “Do not intimidate anyone or accuse falsely, and be content with your wages.”

Luke 3:12-14 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Luke%203:12-14&version=NKJV

  A

None

  H

None

Check out this episode!

[kvndeathmusic]

THE BEST RECORDS OF THE 2010S PT 2 (THE TOP 10!!!!!!)

if you thought the last post was long, you just wait. ive also decided to actually number this list, but pls keep in mind my opinions change often and drastically so dont think anything is set here.

please read my other post too if you want to know about the records i like a little less than the ones here as well as some honorable mentions

#10: Some Rap Songs  -  Earl Sweatshirt (2018) 

This record is a perfect fusion of rap and lofi hip hop. Nobody makes a beat like Earl, and this record is a perfect example. Earl uses his samples to create layered soundscapes of distorted vocals and sounds, paired with his emotionally blunt flows. It’s short, but it really doesn’t feel that short, and frankly I could re-listen to it a handful of times in a row and probably not care that much. Not to sound like Todd Howard, but it just works dude. 

#9:  ゼロコンマ、色とりどりの世界   -  Mass of the Fermenting Dregs (2010)

According to Google, this record’s title translates to Zero Comma, Multicolored World. Which is interesting. I wish I knew Japanese just to understand this kind of stuff to be honest. But that’s besides the point.

Zero Comma, Multicolored World is a fantastic collection of tracks from my personal favorite J-Rock band, Mass of the Fermenting Dregs. Like for context, I got into this band around the same time as I got into Nirvana. I spent the entire summer of 2016 crying to In Utero, playing Overwatch while listening to MF DOOM, and jamming to Mass of the Fermenting Dregs. I managed to find a copy of their fantastic self-titled EP when I was in Tokyo a few years back. Anyways I’ve gotten off track. 

This record is a breathe of fresh air for those tired of American “alt-rock”, incorporating elements of shoegaze, post-hardcore, pop, and more to create a totally unique and explosive record. Every member of this band is playing out of their minds on some of these tracks, and lead singer/bassist Natsuko Miyamoto’s vocals are powerful and blend so well with everything else this record offers. At this point in most paragraphs I’d gush about some specific tracks but I don’t have a Japanese keyboard to write the track titles and I’m lazy, so just trust me and go listen to this record, their self-titled EP, the reunion record No New World from 2018, and their EP World is Yours if anything I’ve said interests you. 

#8: Fetch  -  Melt-Banana (2013)

This record melts my fucking brain dude. Melt-Banana is some of the most eccentric and weird music I’ve ever heard, blending noise, punk, and just plain absurdity to create music that I want to simultaneously describe as cursed and blessed. From the wailing walls of pure volume coming from the guitars to the sporatic and often manic vocals, this record sounds like no other I’ve ever heard. My personal favorite tracks are Hive, Candy Gun, Zero, and Schemes of the Tails. Seriously, if this sounds interesting to you, set aside 32 minutes to just appreciate this record. It’ll be worth your time. 

#7: Joy as an Act of Resistance - IDLES (2018)

On Joy as an Act of Resistance, British band IDLES offers up some of the best punk of the decade in a package that is full of hope, anger, and love. From singer Joe Talbot’s cries for unity in tracks like Danny Nedelko and Great, to self love anthems like Television and I’m Scum, Joy offers an alternative to their much angrier and sad 2017 debut record Brutalism, which I now realize I forgot to include on my fucking honorable mentions god damn it. Anyways, this record isn’t all sweet. IDLES tackles some heavier topics on this record as well, with songs like Samaritans dismantling toxic masculinity, Rottweiler tearing into sensationalist news and media, and the introspective June seeing Joe speak bluntly about his experience being the father of a stillborn. It’s also some of the unique punk out there at the moment, with jangly guitar “riffs”, Joe’s accent heavy shouts, and noisey drums. IDLES is definitely a band to pay attention to going into the 20s. 

#6: Adults!!!... Smart!!! Shithammered!!! And Excited By Nothing!!!!!  -  Bomb the Music Industry (2010)

Adults!!! is short, coming in at 21 minutes over the course of 7 tracks. And yet, this EP contains some of the catchiest and refined ska punk of the decade. The record acts almost as a condensed summation of BTMI’s entire career, featuring some of the repeated themes that has defined Jeff’s whole discography. Not only that, but some of BTMI’s best tracks are on this EP, from Jeff’s strained vocals on You Still Believe in Me?, to the peppy and depressing Planning My Death, to the defiant Slumlord and the explosive penultimate track, The First Time I Met Sanawon. I could wish it was longer, but I’ll be honest, with the quality of tracks here, I don’t care. It’s a near flawless EP that represents everything I love about one of my favorite bands ever.

#5: The Money Store - Death Grips (2012)

Like Fetch, The Money Store is similarly mind melting in completely different ways. This record is brutal. MC Ride’s “vocals” are like no other, with some describing them as the shouts of a drugged up homeless man. Paired with ear bursting, stereo busting beats, and esoteric dark flows, the picture this record paints is one of filth and primal violence. And I love every minute of it. And despite the harsh nature of this record, some of these beats fucking slap. This record features some of the weirdest uses of sampling, like seriously who the fuck finds Arabic Nokia ringtones and thinks “yeah let’s sample these in like half the tracks on this record” and make it sound this good. And at times I have no clue how they even managed to make some of the sounds they did. All of this is backed with Zack Hill’s extremely technical and wild drumming. I contemplated putting other Death Grips records in this spot, but The Money Store is the complete DG package. It also has Hacker on it. im in your area 

#4: Teens of Denial  -  Car Seat Headrest (2016)

I’m a fucking moron and I’ll tell you why. When I initially heard the first few tracks from this record when I was 17, I wasn’t that blown away. Like, I added Fill in the Blank, Vincent, and Destroyed by Hippie Powers to my big ass shuffle playlist and didn’t bother digging much deeper. Here I am now, 20 years old, kicking myself in the ASS for overlooking Car Seat Headrest for this long. I only gave this album a proper listen to back in January! And I LOVE it! Teens of Denial is a fantastic record, full of complex, multilayered tracks that are not only incredibly catchy, but full of heart and passion. Lead singer and songwriter Will Toledo has voice that sounds equally uneasy and leaking with confidence, and that confidence spills over into every aspect of this record. While not as emotionally intense as their only other studio LP as of February 2020, Teens of Denial is just track after track of some of the greatest indie rock made this decade. Including the songs I mentioned before, you’ve also got Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales, 1937 State Park, and the powerful Cosmic Hero. And if you like reading, the narrative of this record is interesting to follow.  And while I was working on this list they literally just announced a new record so like I’m fucking hyped dude. 

#3: To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar (2015)

Ok. Look. I know everybody is putting this at their #1 spot. And they probably have even more to say about this record than I do. There’s probably nothing I can say that hasn’t been said a million times by literally everyone. But that’s just a testament to the quality of this record. This is one of the greatest hip hop records ever made, if not the best depending on who you ask. Some of my favorite rap songs are on this record, Wesley’s Theory, King Kunta, Alright, The Blacker The Berry, and more. TPAB offers detailed glimpses into one of the biggest rappers in the world’s psyche and pain, mixed with profound social and political messages. The beats on this record are beautifully mixed with jazz and gospel influences, starting a trend many artists have since continued. And Kendrick’s signature flow from gkmc are at their absolute finest on TPAB. There is something to enjoy out of this record no matter your background, which would explain this record’s near universal appeal. To Pimp a Butterfly is just full of life, energy, and passion. It’s weird to think this record is only 5 years old, because it feels just as powerful as it did when it came out.

#2: Twin Fantasy - Car Seat Headrest (2018)

Twin Fantasy is a rare kind of record. The emotions expressed on this record are intense and laid flat out for you to hear, dissect, and empathize with. The entire record being structured around the idea of reflection works both as a fun way to organize a diverse and varied track listing, while also playing into a handful of the record’s motifs and themes. Speaking of which, each song on this album has a unique identity, both in terms of sound and feeling, and how it plays into the larger narrative of this record. Some songs have multiple tonal shifts, such as the epic Beach Life-In-Death, split into three distinct parts making it a song that, despite its 13 minute run-time, is a song I never grow tired of listening to. What each track shares, however, is the same fantastic songwriting, with layered instrumentals and some of Will’s greatest vocal performances. It also helps that all the tracks are just flat out catchy, like the fantastic Bodies, the chill Sober to Death, and the energetic Nervous Young Inhumans. While the 2011 original is great, the 2018 rerecording adds so much new complexity and clarity to this record. In addition to the original themes, the 2018 version adds new perspectives and meta commentary to the 2011 original, with Will reflecting on the feelings he was experiences at the time he wrote the original record, 7 years afterwards, adding an additional layer to this record’s larger narrative. The final 22 minutes of this record provides a strong emotional climax to the record, sending off a fantastic and absolutely classic record. There’s a good chance that, in 10 more years or so, I may look back at this record and put it above my #1 record. Hell, while I write this I really question whether or not I should do it. What I’m trying to say is, take that #2 with a grain of salt, because I love this record just as much as my #1 at this point. No record has managed to leave such a profound and strong impression on me this quickly after my first listen a few months ago, besides Twin Fantasy. Because Twin Fantasy is a rare kind of record. It’s a perfect record.  And now it’s time for my favorite record of the decade. It’s probably obvious what it is considering some of the things I’ve said on this list, so without any more delay...

#1: WORRY.  -  Jeff Rosenstock (2016)

WORRY. is my personal favorite record of the decade and of all time. It is an absolutely triumphant record. Every song here is a classic. WORRY. radiates pure, unfiltered energy that I haven’t been able to shake for the nearly 4 years this record has been out. Songs like Festival Song and Wave Goodnight to Me still get me pumped, and the so called “WORRY. medley” that spans the back half of this record rivals the medley of Abbey Road. And the opening track, We Begged 2 Explode, fuck man it’s a hell of an opener. Hell, I know every line spoken on this record. This record is a product of a man who has spent over 20 years perfecting his music, never compromising to trends or demands. Jeff has always been open about what he loves and what he believes in, and it’s no more apparent than on this record. Trying to describe every way in which this record works for me leaves me grasping for the right words to describe the feeling. It’s a record that makes you wanna chant along to it, move your body to it, and tell everyone you love about it.  So just listen to it. I don’t care if you don’t like punk, or ska, or ska punk, or just garage/indie rock in general, or if my enthusiasm hasn’t sold you. This is one of the best records out there and you can either realize it now, or regret it later. 

I know the record literally says that the perfect sound doesn’t exist. But it does. And it sounds like this.

And that’s it for this list. I’m excited to see what the new decade brings. If my mind ever changes about these records, or I get around to listening to a record that deserves to be on this list, maybe I’ll do an updated version, but like right now? This is how I feel.

[buzzdixonwriter]

The Seven Secrets Of Pure Dumb Luck

“Introduce a little anarchy.  Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos.  I'm an agent of chaos.  Oh, and you know the thing about chaos?  It's fair.”

-- The Joker, The Dark Knight 

Sandra Newman’s meme has been bouncing around the Internet for a while now, and while many people get it’s point, some fail to realize she’s satirizing not people who fail to achieve success (however one chooses to define “fail” or “success”) but rather the mindset of those who are “born on third base and believe they knocked a home run”.

It’s the mindset of privilege, and while her meme specifically focuses on those with the privilege of wealth, truth be told privilege comes in many shapes / forms / fashions depending on when and where and to what group one is born.

But let’s focus on the wealth-based form she cites.  

Chance, as Louis Pasteur observed, favors the prepared mind.

It’s certainly solid advice for everyone to strive to be as mentally / emotionally / physically fit and healthy as possible, to develop productive habits, and to constantly be open to learning new things.

Before they became glorified trade schools, universities’ classical liberal arts degrees didn’t teach students what to think but how to think, the goal being to produce a cohort of graduates who -- regardless of what situation they found themselves in -- would be able to analyze what was needed and figure out how to achieve it.

Nowadays, thanks to libraries and the Internet, it’s possible for anyone to be their own polymath.

All it takes is the will and desire.

But despite being prepared, there is no guarantee chance (or fate, or fortune, or destiny, or God’s will, or plain ol’ dumb luck, or whatever you want to call it) will provide you with an opportunity to succeed.

Indeed, as our friend The Joker observes, chaos is fair.

It will dash you down just as easily as it lifts you up, and sometimes it will lift you up only to dash you down all the harder.  (Cue Carl Orff’s “Carmina Burana - O Fortuna”.)

You can’t complain about that.  As Jimmy Durante observed, dem’s da conditions wot prevails.

Life is neither pure intellect -- such as chess -- nor pure chance -- such as roulette.

Rather, it’s more like Monopoly.

Now, as a game, Monopoly starts off fairly (well, kinda…each player brings their own particular skill set / insight / personal history to the proceedings, and sometimes a player’s background can provide either a distinct edge or disadvantage).

Every player starts with $1,500.

The bank owns all the properties.

Play is determined by a random roll of the dice, and a random distribution of Community Chest / Chance cards when one lands on those spaces.

Player wheel and deal, each trying to force the others into bankruptcy, thus winning the game.

(It’s really a damn tragedy that Monopoly -- which began life as a socialist teaching tool called The Landlord Game -- has become a cultural touchstone for sociopathic success instead of a dire warning for community disaster.)

Now imagine Monopoly played under these conditions:

Of the maximum number of eight players at the start of the game, two only get $100, two only get $500, two get the full $1,500, one gets $2,000, and one gets $5,800.

The two wealthiest players never go to jail, never pay any penalties.

The players with the least money pay double.

The two wealthiest players get their $200 every time they pass Go.

The other players only get $150…or $100…or just $20.

The two wealthiest players can borrow as much as they like, any time they like, and pay back at their leisure with only minimum interest.

The other players can’t borrow enough to meet their needs, and what they do borrow, they need to pay back on a rigid schedule at usurous rates.

The two wealthiest players can purchase properties and houses and hotels whenever they like.

The other players are either limited to what they can buy or denied the chance all together.

It would be bad enough if the unequal benefits were handed out purely at random, but in order to more perfectly model real life, this version of Monopoly would require the owner of the game not only get the most money but be the banker as well, that their best friend takes the #2 position, and that lesser acquaintances fill in the bottom six slots on the roster.

And to make it even more realistic, imagine that the top two players are allowed to keep their winnings and properties from the previous game every time a new game was started.

Now, it is possible for a player starting with only $100 to come out on top and win the game through a combination of shrewd business strategy and uncommonly good luck --

-- but that ain’t the way the smart money bets.

At a certain point, no matter how brilliant one may be regarding financial strategy or computing mathematical odds, the only “winners” will be those pre-ordained to win by the owner of the game.

Every successful person is successful for a combination many different reasons, but unless one admits pure blind luck random chance is one of those reasons, one is lying.

Case in point:   My personal history.

Random factor #1:   I was born as a male into a white middle class family in the American South in the early 1950s.  For most of my life, I had advantages millions of others -- black, white, and female -- were denied.

Random factor #2:   Because my father changed jobs a lot, we moved frequently, averaging out one move a year, usually to a different town or at the very least a different school district.  As a result, I grew up with no lifelong friends or neighbors or schoolmates.

Random factor #3:   Because we were always moving into new schools, I gravitated towards science fiction fandom.  It gave me a group of friends and pen-pals who were never further away than my mailbox, and a sense of permanence lacking in real life.

Random factor #4:   Because I was involved in fandom, and because I had a creative bent (and because my father once harbored ambitions himself of being a writer -- throw that in as random factor #4b -- and thus could provide me with books and magazines on writing), I started writing science fiction / fantasy / horror stories and reviews / articles / letters of comment to fanzines.

Random factor #5:   I was drafted at age 19, and thus missed an opportunity to go to college straight out of high school.

Random factor #6:   I met and married my wife while in the Army, and we started a family.  This gave me an incentive to stay in for the full 6 year enlistment, as well as an incentive to find employment in my desired field as soon as possible once I was discharged.

Random factor #7:   Though the GI Bill got me into USC’s film school, that started in October of 1978 and I was discharged in February of 1978.  We came to Los Angeles to find a place to live and hopefully for me, a mail room or driver job in the film or TV business so I could make a little money and get my feet wet in the industry before starting film school.

Random factor #8:   After visiting nearly 100 other studios and production companies (no kidding!) in search of a mail room or driver job, I worked my way down to Filmation Studios.  By chance I was there during what was called hiatus season (i.e., the lag time between the end of production on the previous season’s shows and start of the next) and Filmation’s live action producer / director Arthur Nadel Jr. was twiddling his thumbs in his office, bored out of his mind, so when the receptionist asked if he wanted to see the guy looking for a job, he said sure, send him back, anything to kill an afternoon.

Arthur took a liking to me.  I told him about writing but not selling short stories for sci-fi magazines (see random factor #4 above).  Arthur asked if he could see some, and to make a long story short, when October rolled around I was making too much money as a staff writer at Filmation to go to film school that year (see random factor #6), so I decided to put it off until 1979.

Which became 1980…1981…1982…

Random factor #9:   Filmation downsized and turned me loose in early 1980; I found a staff position at Ruby-Spears, and there met Steve Gerber and several other people whom I’d work with repeatedly in the ensuing years, becoming dear friends with many of them.

Random factor #10:   For various reasons, Steve and I left Ruby-Spears.  Steve was hired to story edit Sunbow’s G.I. Joe series.

Now here’s an important point:  I was not one of the first round picks for staff positions at Sunbow.

Indeed, I was told even freelancing there would likely be a long shot.

However, Steve knew I’d served in the Army (see random factor #5) and, realizing the stories they were getting lacked a certain sense of verisimilitude, asked if I would look them over and give him some feedback.  I did so gratis because we were friends (see random factor #9).

From that feedback, Steve recommended to Sunbow they hire me as a staff writer / technical advisor.  That quickly morphed into an assistant story editor position, and from there I went on to story edit the second season of G.I. Joe.

I’m going to break off my narrative there; clearly there were a lot of other random factors that impacted me through the next 35 years of my life.

My point is, had any one of random factors #1 through #10 been changed, the subsequent events of my life and their random factors would have changed as well.

If I hadn’t been drafted and sent to Korea (random factor #5), it’s extremely unlikely I would have ever met Soon-ok (random factor #6).

And while one can argue these random factors carried combinations of good and bad circumstances (and sometimes what seemed bad -- being drafted and sent to Korea, f’r instance -- turned out to be really, really good), had I not been steered into the direction of sci-fi fandom (random factor #2), and / or if my father hadn’t encouraged me (random factor #5), I wouldn’t be posting this, you wouldn’t be reading it.

Would I have been a better / happier / more successful person under different circumstances?

Good question -- and I’d like to think no (at least to the better and happier parts).

But I would certainly have been different.

To return to my central point:   I got breaks other people didn’t get because of my random factors.  Assuming all the random factors averaged out with good nullifying bad and vice versa, I can feel a certain sense of accomplishment in my career.

But there are others who had far more advantages due to their random factors, and others who faced far more obstacles due to their random factors.

Looking back at our Monopoly game, while there’s nothing wrong with a truly random advantage, there’s also something profoundly unfair about ginning the game to stack the odds in your favor.

  © Buzz Dixon

[thewalkingdetective]

Ranking The Songs On Taylor Swift’s Lover

1. Cruel Summer – Top dog because it’s the song that’s stayed in my head and that I’ve wanted to listen to over and over the most. Some concrete reasons: the highest concentration of amazing lyrics on the album are here (“Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes”, “It’s cool, that’s what I tell him, no rules, in breakable heaven,” “He looks up grinning like a devil”, “I cried like a baby coming home from the bar”, “I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you,” “I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?”, “Summer’s a knife – I’m always waiting for you just to cut to the bone”….okay basically the whole damn song). Match that with the infectious beat, catchy melody, and unexpected production choices (like the shouty bits), and it’s just an amazing, amazing song.

2. The Man – If you said that I have this song overrated, I wouldn’t argue the point. It resonates deeply with me and my life experiences and I could see how it might rank lower for people who don’t connect with it so well. However, if you want to put it lower than 5, I might have to fight you. My favorite part is the bridge, possibly one of my favorite T. Swift bridges ever, which I love so much I must quote here: “What’s it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models, and it’s all good if you’re bad, and it’s okay if you’re mad. If I was out flashing my dollars, I’d be a bitch not a baller, they’d paint me out to be bad, so it’s okay that I’m mad.” She went there, 100%, nothing held back out of fear of offending people.

3. Lover – Taylor finally has her song which will take a place in the Love Song Hall of Fame, her romantic magnum opus. The bridge, which I know was an instant favorite for many, actually took a few listens to grow on me, but now I am 100% on board.

4. The Archer – I’m not sure which is more powerful here – the ambient perfection of the production or the exquisitely, simply, poignant lyrics. The production creates an ambience in a way no song ever has for me…somehow it is the smoke rising slowly off a battlefield after the fight is over. The lyrics are so relatable, so universal, without being generic. Taylor tends toward very specific, personal lyrics, which is excellent, but it makes me all the more impressed by this song since it’s not her default. It’s poetic.

5. You Need To Calm Down – It’s a bop, it’s a jam, and it is filled with stone-cold, downright zingers and useful life lessons. What more could we ask for?

6. I Forgot That You Existed – I know, I know, it’s simple. But that’s the brilliance of it. Don’t you see? Snap. Snap. Snap. The piano audio memo made me like it even more and I desperately want a piano version of it now (Please, Taylor!). And come on “in my feelings more than drake, so yah”.

7. I Think He Knows – More snappity snaps. But seriously, listen to this song and tell me that when she sings “he got my heartbeat, skipping down sixteenth avenue” you don’t feel like you are actually skipping. The falsetto is a new sound for her and it works well.

8. Cornelia Street – I don’t know what to say about this song. It’s very classic Taylor, and I’m happy about that. This is her sound, her style, and I think it’s good to have some anchor songs which pull the experimental, newer sounding songs together and remind you that this is a Taylor Swift album. Of course the lyrics are lovely and hit you in the feels and it’s a lovely little song.  

9. Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince – This song sounds like it could have been on reputation, but somehow it doesn’t feel out of place on Lover. I think it might be the shouts that pull it together, as that’s a production technique which is used frequently and brilliantly on Lover. The most impressive thing about this song for me is how she manages to address so many things at once (her relationship with Joe, politics in America, the death of her reputation), but it doesn’t feel scattered. It paints a complete picture of her life at a certain time.

10. Death By a Thousand Cuts – What I love about this song is that it sounds like a bunch of little cuts falling on you and that’s just fucking brilliant.

11. False God – Sex. Angry Sex. I’m here for it. She tries something new with the sax and I’m here for that too. Nothing else to say.

12. Soon You’ll Get Better (Feat. The Dixie Chicks) – Classic Taylor; the lyrics paint a picture so vivid, you see every line as if it were a movie in your mind and since this movie’s a really sad one, you bawl like a baby. You’re putty in the hands of a lyrical master. I do wish that the Dixie Chicks had a bit more to do, unfortunately they’re basically just generic backup singers.

13. Paper Rings – This song is saved by the pre-chorus (“Kiss me once cus…one, two, three four!”) from being just a generic bubblegum bop. You think you’ve got it pegged and then the pre-chorus comes in like a teenager shouting “YOU DON’T KNOW ME!” and you’re like “damn, alright.” Then the bridge hits you like a one-two punch and you happily admit defeat – the song has won you over in spite of yourself.

14. Daylight – This song feels like just what the doctor ordered as an album closer. But somehow its quality is elevated by its position on the record, and I don’t think it’s as strong when looked at as a standalone track. An exceptional finale, if not necessarily an exceptional song.

15. Afterglow – My only beef with this song is that it’s sonically too similar to The Archer and Daylight, and I feel that those songs could overshadow it for the casual listener. But that’s not much of a beef; it’s a solid song and on somebody else’s album might have been a standout track.

16. London Boy – Not a bad song, just outpaced by all the songs ranked above it. I do wish she would have left off the weird Idris Elba talking at the beginning. In my opinion it just confuses the listener and distracts them from the song for a few beats as they try to decipher it. It’s obviously an inside joke for her and Joe, but it adds nothing for the rest of us.

17. Me! (Feat. Brendon Urie) – The real problem with this song is the lyrics, which were aimed at uplifting and inspirational, but instead flew right past those stops and ended up in the land of sickeningly sweet. There’s nothing exceptional about the melody here, but it could have formed the basis for a good song if better lyrics were built on top of it. It’s incredibly unusual for Taylor to write weak lyrics, but it’s sadly not so unusual for her to release one of the weaker songs on an album as the lead single. As for Brendon Urie…he’s fine I guess. Doesn’t contribute much of anything apart from being a male voice, but also doesn’t take away anything.

18. It’s Nice To Have a Friend – Unquestionably the weakest song on the album. For me personally, it’s the weakest song in her catalogue and one I’ll never listen to again – I just can’t stand the screeching children’s choir, but not everyone has had such a visceral reaction, and I acknowledge that some of this is personal preference. This song screams of Jack Antonoff’s influence – he loves to experiment with sounds. And when it works, boy does it work. But when it doesn’t, it REALLY doesn’t. I do appreciate and respect her wanting to experiment, but there also comes a point where you have to say “hey, that was fun, but it’s not a great song.” Especially when you’ve already got more than enough great songs to make an album.  

[allangrae]

A Mother Gone Too Soon

reflections of a grateful son

Getting up at an ungodly hour on a Sunday, I hop out of bed then sneak downstairs. My father, the co-conspirator, equally unskilled in the culinary arts is already there, burning the bacon, attempting not to ruin the eggs. Realizing their fate is already sealed, he directs me to the grapefruits. Which I massacre, of course, because at six I have no clue how to slice a grapefruit.

“Maybe just use the juicer, that’ll work” Dad says.

Twenty minutes later, Mom is pretending to enjoy a breakfast in bed. Savoring the charred bacon, runny eggs, and pulpy mess of what sort of resembles grapefruit juice. If it tastes as bad as it looks, you’d never know from her expression. After breakfast, she opens, then beams at my homemade card, a colorful mess of a portrait of Frisky, the family dog. Today, I’d call it abstract. Then, just bad coloring.

That’s my first real memory of Mother’s Day. Forty three years later, it’s more complicated, but always bittersweet. Mom died in 2010, and since then I’ve usually avoided this specific holiday, focusing on other things, attempting, usually in vain, to keep the memories at bay.

So I don’t really know why this year is different. Maybe it’s the passage of time, maybe it’s finally being settled in a place I consider home, and maybe in part it’s due to reading this piece by Eric Griggs. For whatever reason, I feel I need to pay tribute to the woman who bore and raised me. And to the countless women I know, mother or not, who are part of my life now. Whether they be friends, relatives, or even other writers here. I think we all know and appreciate the talent and sacrifice it takes to raise a child.

This specific memory is one I’ve written about before, but I think it’s an appropriate one for this occasion. It’s one of the last nights I spent with my mother, who had been diagnosed with brain cancer weeks earlier. It would turn out to be only four, short weeks until she died a quiet, peaceful death, comfortable in the home she’d shared with my father for almost forty years. I’m thankful that my myself, Dad, and even my crazy dog Singher, curled up on the bed beside Mom, had the privilege of being there when the time came.

Snapshots Of Nights Passed

I suppose the best way to describe a reality of spending anytime at all with my mother was the inevitable walk down musical memory lane. Mom had charted the map of central life events through music, each and every pivotal memory grounded in a song. Based more on sentimental attachment than symbolic relevance, her choices would often leave those around her scratching their heads in mild amusement. Or, occasionally, in vague confusion.

Which, of course, made it easy to understand why Mom would credit my enjoyment of sixties folk music one of her greatest parental accomplishments. Truth be told, I think she might have actually been right, since before I purchased my first album (the Grease soundtrack), the likes of Peter, Paul & Mary, Ian & Sylvia, Miriam Makeba, The Byrds, and Scott McKenzie were my childhood musical staples.

The official narrative around this issue would usually go something like it did on that Friday night, eight years ago. Plagued with a bad case of historical revisionism syndrome, mom will follow up her pronouncement of parental success with a most florid description of herself and my father walking in their Birkenstocks, long hair blowing in the patchouli scented breeze, casually picking flowers at a Woodstock inspired musical transcendent event.

Though it’s not until we arrive at the pesky reality of my birth, that there is a chance of breaking that rather colorful little re-imagining. But break it will, after being reminded that her child was born in an American military hospital in Tokyo, Japan, due to my father being a senior officer in what is now Canada’s equivalent to the CIA. Further proof is usually presented through pictures showing her own fashion influences of the time, distinctly and decidedly more Chanel №5 than patchouli, more Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast At Tiffany’s than those comfy granola Birks.

“Oh well, I would have been a hippy if it wasn’t for your father and his voracious support of the state”, she will usually refute in a faux serious tone.

Her gentle teasing poorly disguised, lost on absolutely no one. However that particular strategy never gains much traction though, since she is blaming her lack of flower child, mind expanding revelations on the man who left that same organization over his discomfort with violence and the unfair treatment of gay and lesbian recruits. Oh yeah, that.

When reminded of that small but relevant fact, Mom will just giggle, smile, and suggest she whip up a fruit and cheese plate. Or, God forbid, she will pick up her guitar.

So starts the night …

“Allan, did I ever tell you what song was number one on the American top forty charts the day you were born?”

“Why yes mother, you have. Several times.”

“Do you know, I think we may still have that song on eight track. Just going to run and check to see if it’s in your fathers den.”

My father’s den? That is an ambitious description. It’s a room that could legally be considered a fire hazard. There are enough keepsakes and memories housed in that ode to the last forty years to ensure one will not be returning before the change of seasons, should they risk entering.

No need to worry, it seems almost forty years in the same house allows one familiarity with chaos, and Mom returns several minutes later with the mini 8 track player and a surprisingly audible version of:

To which she will joyfully sing (a somewhat generous use of the term) along, playing that damned guitar in unison. So many things I could say at this juncture, but instead I will simply offer an assurance to the band The Seekers that any concern over potential competition is most definitely misplaced.

I then have to make the point that it is, in fact, 2010, and these are post Google times. Thus, the reason that specific recollection results in a spirited disagreement between my mother and me over what song was actually the number one hit on September 8, 1967. Some references would site Georgy Girl, others would claim Bobby Gentry’s Ode To Billy Joe.

But Mom is not backing down. She does, however, note the unfortunate irony in the movie of the same name, Ode To Billy Joe, suggesting a young man’s leap off the Tallahatchie Bridge was due to his shame over being gay.

“That would have just been bad karma, dear. And besides, the camp value in Georgy Girl is just too good to resist.”

A point that I am in every way unable to refute.

May 13 / 2018

I am sometimes shocked that Mom has been gone for eight years, as it often seems like yesterday. Today, looking back, I can say that she was a woman who proved to be my most enduring role model; a voracious supporter and tireless advocate of her only child.

Over time I have come to recognize that my grounding confidence in who I know myself to be, is evidence of just what was her truly greatest parental accomplishment.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom. I miss you everyday. And I would give anything to hear even a few chords from that badly-in-need-of-tuning guitar.