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arcaneranger · 6 years ago

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Final Thoughts - Netflix Exclusives 2018

Oh my god you guys, I’m finally done. I’m free from the prison of 2018, just in time to actually finish my premieres for spring of 2019. But first, let’s talk!

2018 was the year that Netflix really went all-in on producing its own anime and picking up some big names, so we saw Devilman Crybaby made specifically for the service and high-profile shows like Dragon Pilot and Hi-Score Girl basically hijacked by the streaming service and delayed for months in the U.S. so that the biggest name in the game could release everything in bingeable packages. Unfortunately, bringing in an auteur like Masaaki Yuasa for Crybaby and throwing all the damn money at him worked so well that, long before any of these shows would even premiere, they decided to seemingly take any anime pitch under the sun, and wound up financing disasters like Hero Mask and B: The Beginning. Really, these shows kind of run the full gamut from garbage to god-tier, with an unfortunate tipping of the scale in the wrong direction. I haven’t gotten to see Ingress yet at the time of publication though, so we’ll have to see whether 2019 will start in a good direction.

ANYWAY.

DROPPED

WORST OF NETFLIX: Back Street Girls -GOKUDOLS-

I still don’t get how anyone thought this was worth promoting. The entire concept is offensive, and yet it was directed by a master and veteran of the medium (who is also a woman), leading me to just throw my hands in the air and resign myself to never having a satisfactory answer for why Netflix would pick this up to begin with. Dropped after 1 episode.

Hero Mask

One of the most incompetently written first episodes I’ve ever seen gave me absolutely no hope that Hero Mask was going to actualize into anything watchable or even average-looking. It was boring and unintelligible. Dropped after 1 episode.

Fate/EXTRA: Last Encore

What the fuck was Akiyuki Shinbo even doing on Fate? Did he do this at the expense of season 3 of March comes in like a lion or something? Probably not, but geez... This seems much more like someone attempting to copy his style than the genuine article, but nope, there’s his director credit. In the end, I suppose that Fate/EXTRA, despite being a very interesting game, was not ever going to be adapted well - the protagonist is almost literally a blank slate for a self-insert of the player, and their servant is also not set in stone - but I kind of would have rather had nothing than this. Dropped after 2 episodes.

SWORDGAI The Animation

Oh hey, yet another “the Animation”, it definitely doesn’t sound pretentious yet. I don’t have much to say on SWORDGAI, or at least not any more than anyone else - it’s stupid, very earnestly stupid, and doesn’t seem aware enough of that fact to be entertaining for more than a hate watch - and my hate plate is full already. Dropped after 1 episode.

Last Hope

I remember almost nothing about Last Hope other than that it was both pretentious and nonsensical, which kind of illustrates why Yoshiyuki Tomino is wise enough to stay out of anything that isn’t his beautiful Gundam baby, and it’s a shame that Kawamori (father of Super Dimensional Fortress Macross) doesn’t stick with what he knows, which is mech design. (No, seriously, he’s got a ton of credits on MAL and they’re almost all for that.) Dropped after 1 episode.

BAKI

Oh, BAKI, it’s okay, you’re a remnant from a different time. That time was right around when Mars of Destruction seemed like a good idea. It’s not that bad so I shouldn’t really mention them in the same sentence, but the hyper-violent imagery of this show is on the level of the Berserk manga. It’s unfortunate that I had to leave it after one episode because Netflix picked up a sequel that relies heavily on your pre-existing investment (just like with the Dragons TV show, for the record). Dropped after 1 episode.

A.I.C.O. Incarnation

I stuck with this one longer than any other that I didn’t drop, but in hindsight I shouldn’t have wasted my time. It’s one of the worst-looking Bones productions I’ve ever seen and the plot is a dumb ripoff of a much better science fiction series. Dropped after six episodes.

B: The Beginning

Probably the biggest waste of money on this list, B has such lavish animation that you can almost forget that you have absolutely no clue what’s happening or what the context of the story even is. It tries really hard to be both Psycho-Pass and Death Note at the same time to the point of cutting between them multiple times per scene, and it just ends up a badly jumbled mess, albeit one with really pretty colors. Dropped after 3 episodes.

Kakegurui

I still don’t have much to say here because the topic has been so thoroughly covered by The Anime Pope, so I’ll resummarize here - this is a show about gambling where the stakes seem utterly meaningless, even though it tries to impress us by showering money on the characters.

Children of the Whales

It’s so pretty, but it’s so boring. Children of the Whales succeeds in looking beautiful, but fails as a story that wants to be grim and apocalyptic but comes across as a soft-hearted small-village story that gets surprisingly violent four episodes in. This should have been the tone from the beginning, and the entire thing needed a good kick in the pants. Dropped after five episodes.

FINISHED

Sirius the Jaeger (6/10)

One that I waited a long time for after seeing the PV at Anime Central last year, and wound up pretty disappointed by in general. It looks nice (...at first), given that P.A. Works at least knows how to make a show visually appealing on a consistent basis, but the plot jumps so far into cliched stupidity by the end that, even though it had a few twists I wasn’t expecting, they couldn’t save it from being something I won’t recommend to anyone with as much anime experience as myself.

Lost Song (7/10)

(Author’s note: Yeah, apparently nobody on all of Tumblr has made a GIF of this one...)

Lost Song was a pleasant surprise that I wasn’t expecting to be invested enough to finish. One of the best of LIDENFILMS’ output, it manages to weave together a decent fantasy Symphogear AU fanfic, with interesting third-act twists peppering the last few episodes that made it memorable despite looking pretty generic. There’s a sequel due this year, too!

Hi Score Girl (7/10)

A very visually distinctive show with a neat concept that didn’t dive far enough into the heavy subjects it brings up, Hi Score Girl sits in a place where I like the presentation of it a lot more than I like the story. Don’t get me wrong, the romance is certainly cute, and I won’t begrudge a love triangle if it’s meant to be the primary conflict of a show, but the fact that it spent most of its last episode setting up for later robbed it of the chance to give us a satisfying place to leave off until the next part of this adaptation. Luckily, it got a second season, hopefully to finish the adaptation later this year.

Forest of Piano (7/10)

A good first try by a fledgling studio, but not one that lives up to what it really wants to be due to some very bad habits. I still distinctly remember the constant character shilling, and it feels like the story could have happened a little faster if not for the breaks every few minutes to heap praise upon the protagonist. Also, the mo-cap piano playing still looks weird. I’ll probably watch the sequel though, to see if it gets concluded well.

Dragon Pilot: Hisone to Masotan (8/10)

I literally just did my write-up for this one, so I don’t have much new to say here, but I’m pleased that Dragon Pilot turned out as well as it did despite not being what I quite expected from it.

Aggretsuko (8/10)

A fantastic and rather unorthodox look at what it’s actually like to be an adult in the Japanese workforce, Aggretsuko was an early darling of the year, and the only things that could have made it better were a more interesting visual presentation and a less squirrelly ending. Shame that the Christmas Special was...not good.

Devilman Crybaby (9/10)

It was so, so good...right up until the end. Yeah, that’s the only thing holding this back from a perfect score - I really, really hate the ending, and it needed to be changed. I know that, for most people, the best show of the year was either this one, or the most conspicuous work that hasn’t yet appeared on this list, though, so…

BEST NETFLIX SHOW OF THE YEAR: Violet Evergarden (10/10)

Oh God, what beautiful cry-porn. I hope that Kyoto Animation was paid well for their best show in years, and I’m kind of shocked that the two shows that made me sob the most this year both came out in the same season (thanks, A Place Further Than the Universe). I won’t spoil more than I did in my original review, but Netflix should be pushing this to literally everyone who would be even casually interested in watching it.

And that’s it! Last but not least, the last list won’t be a roundup of the whole year (since, you know, I’ve already done that in big chunks), but a list of the Class of 2018 Superlatives. Look forward to it!

#arcaneanime #netflix 2018 #violet evergarden #devilman crybaby #aggretsuko #lost song #sirius the jaeger #dragon pilot #hi score girl #forest of piano

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starlight-matrix · 5 years ago

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Nabari no Ou 15th Anniversary!

@nabaridays wrote up some prompts to celebrate the 15th anniversary of NnO and as it’s my favorite manga series of all time, I had to join the fun!

Unfortunately, I wasn’t aware of the prompts’ existence until we were about four or five days in, so instead of starting in the middle of the prompt list, I wrote all mine up in a Google Doc and decided to do a big masterpost in the day of the anniversary. And here it is! Beware for a lot of reading, this shit’s at 4.1k words.

- Catherine Lynne / catielynnelove.tumblr.com Fan of NnO since 2012 -

DAY 01 (Jun. 3rd) - Favorites

My favorite character has always been Miharu, though I do struggle to choose between him and Yoite. I have always been fascinated by his apathetic nature, the way he uses is as a shield while loving the people in his life so incredibly fiercely. He appears neutral and uncaring, but the moment you look beneath the surface, you recognize that he would give his life for those he loves in a heartbeat - and has shown this on multiple occasions.

I also love his development over the series. His apathetic facade slowly falls out of use after he meets Yoite, and he learns that feeling your emotions is important, that letting the people you love know when you’re happy or sad or pissed the fuck off is important.

In the first few chapters we as readers honestly can’t tell a whole heck of a lot from what we’re shown of Miharu. He’s plain, uninteresting, even to us (unless you’re the kind of person who automatically reads between the lines, but let’s face it, not a lot of people are). But by the end of the series, he’s such a vibrant and expressive character that I marvel at Kamatani’s ability to drastically a character’s personality in a way that feels so gradual and natural.

Another reason Miharu is my favorite character is because I tend to see parts of myself in him, as many people do with the characters they like most. I can understand and relate to his apathy in the beginning of the story. His memory of his parents deaths is so deeply traumatic and that the very fibre of his being (objectively, Shinra) locked the memory, and most of his childhood, away for years to come. Because at that time in his life, the pain of it all would’ve broken him.

(E/N: I now remember that Asahi actually erased Miharu’s memories of that event, but I think a good chunk of this will still make sense, and I’m lazy, so I’m not gonna edit it out. Enjoy.)

Emotions, especially ones he didn’t understand - or couldn’t understand, like his feelings toward his childhood that didn’t quite make sense because of his augmented memories - were simply so overwhelming that Miharu pretty much just went “lol don’t wanna deal with those so yEET now they’re gone” and locked them up in a box to be dealt with at a much, much later date. That speaks to me, as a person who has struggled with depression, and the fact that he finds a way to recover from this is very reassuring.

Overall, Miharu is a very complex and realistic character that undergoes more vivid character development than I’ve seen in almost any western media. I love him very much.

DAY 02 (Jun. 4th) - What got you into Nabari no Ou?

This is actually quite a funny story, so buckle up for a wild ride y’all!

When I was 12 years old (God, this sounds like the setup for an angsty villain backstory), my family had a housemate who liked anime. One day I came to beg for him to let me use his video game console to play Little Big Planet and he happened to be watching the second half of the anime - I distinctly remember the second Alya Academy episode being the first one I ever saw. It was my first anime experience outside of a Studio Ghibli film, and to this day remains close to my heart, even though the anime adaptation itself really… just… well, it sucked.

After I finished watching it with him, I went and found the first half of the series on Netflix (back when Netflix did the whole send-a-DVD-to-your-house thing) and watched the whole thing from episode one. And then very quickly became obsessed. I probably watched the anime four times in two months. I had every single one of the English VAs names memorized. I was dedicated.

Eventually I looked up the manga online, and HOO BOI, this is the point where my Nabari no Ou origin story becomes ridiculously hilarious (and stupid).

When I read the manga, I was disturbed by the idea of Kouichi being a villain-type character, as he had been one of my favorites when I watched the anime. And, at the time I was first reading the manga, the apparent “ending” from my perspective was the scene where Kouichi takes the newly-made hijutsu scroll from a bleeding, dying Thobari.

Looking back, I figure the website I was reading it on just didn’t have all the chapters, or perhaps I had happened to start reading while the manga was on hiatus, but at that age I didn’t know of or understand either of those concepts and accepted that sad scene as the end of the manga.

And as such, I wrote the manga off as terrible and ignored it for years.

Flash forward to about 2014, two or three years after writing the manga off as a Fat Mistake, I finally decided to give it another shot. And BY GOD did I cry reading it a second time. Whether it was the two years of maturity, my experiences during those two years, or simply the fact that I read the whole thing that time - I was sobbing in my desk chair over NnO.

It was the most beautiful story I’d ever read. Even now, after five more years of reading beautiful manga, Nabari no Ou remains my absolute favorite, and likely always will.

DAY 03 - What are your favorite scenes?

I’ve always had a soft spot for the Alya Academy arc, even back when all I’d shunned the manga and all I had to go off of was the inaccurate anime adaptation, simply because of how well the character relationships are shown during those sequences (this is one thing the anime did really well in my opinion, actually - Shijima’s verbal reflection on how humans connect to each other and how important those connections are is stunning). Not to mention the displays of how the characters care for one another regardless of what side of the war they’re technically on.

I’ve always loved Subaru as a character, too. I find her motivations to be very realistic and really quite understandable, and I love the little easter eggs in later chapters that imply the Kouga ninja are helping Miharu’s side of the fight even though they’re not visibly involved. The scores from the Alya Academy arc are especially chilling and memorable as well.

Another of my favorites are the chapters following Miharu and Yoite’s escape from the Kairoshuu and their travels afterward. They feel mundane and peaceful, yet blanketed with this layer of grief, like we’re all aware that at any moment their calm could be destroyed and lost forever.

The scenes about Yoite’s gender were very special to me as a teen still learning about the LGBT spectrum and how different people could be, and the scene of Yoite bandaging Miharu’s aching feet? My heart literally swells every single time I think about it! It was so sweet and loving, my fragile fangirl heart does flips when I read over it.

DAY 04 (Jun. 6th) - Photos & Fashion

I like to think that Miharu keeps every photograph he’s taken and has them stored safely away in a box or chest or drawer. In my experience, people who have lost loved ones tend to treasure photographs, more than someone who hasn’t experienced loss might. A lot of times a photo is all someone has of someone they loved outside of a memory, and contrary to popular belief, if you don’t look at someone - physically or in a photo - for a long time, you do forget how they look.

Miharu has lost many people: his parents, Yoite, Kouichi and Shijima, even Shinra, in a way - so I imagine this observation would be doubly true of him. Especially if he has Yukimi as an example to go by - pretty sure that guy has kept every photograph he’s ever taken in his life!

(As far as fashion goes, I honestly think everyone’s fashion in NnO is horrendous, so...)

DAY 05 (Jun. 7th) - Favorite character design in the series?

Gosh, it’s hard to choose, I love so many of them! Gau is fascinating to me because I figure his hair must be difficult to draw, with all those little curls and cowlicks. Shijima’s too, with the way it frames her face and leaves just a tiny little opening for her eyes to peer out at you through.

But, as with most of these character-specific prompts, my answer will have to be Miharu. The idea that Asahi reshaped his face to look more like her own when she used Shinra to save him is very interesting, and the fact that Kamatani manages to draw Miharu in a way that both clearly shows their resemblance to one another and establishes Miharu as his own character with his own unique features and gestures and ways of carrying himself is incredible.

Miharu’s stance are also very telling to me as a reader: he often stands loosely, almost lazily, as if he really couldn’t care less about where he is and what they’re doing, which rings true for a good chunk of the story. It matches well with his (mostly) fake apathy and kind of makes him seem bland and boring as a character. But as the story progresses, he becomes more open, shows affection more easily. He’s quicker to stand up for his beliefs and the people he loves. All of this shows in the way he carries himself throughout later chapters.

DAY 06 (Jun. 8th) - Favorite location in the series?

The Shimizu estate, without a doubt.

The secluded area, the forest in every direction, the house itself - it’s all so beautiful to me. Ot gives me the feeling of rural Japan and more traditional Japanese living. Even after the house has burned away and all that’s left is a field full of Spider Lilies, there’s a kind of sober beauty lying over the place, made even more intense when Shirogamon stands watch over it.

DAY 07 (Jun. 9th) - Positive Influences

The thing that I preach about the most when I talk about NnO to others is the fact that the series has no absolutes. There is no true right or wrong, no clear villains nothing that actually puts our heroes above anyone else. Which, in a way, means that are really are no heroes in the story at all, which is a very rare and interesting way to tell a story.

The entire series deal with a greyscale in morality. There’s no bad vs. good or moral vs. immoral, just your own goals and people whose goals don’t match yours. Opinions and ambitions differ vastly even between people on the same side of the fight - Thobari and Raimei want to seal the Shinrabanshou, Kouichi wants to use it to defeat his immortality, Miharu even changes side on a few occasions - yet they all work together together to achieve their own very different ends.

Even those who can be coded as villain on the surface have something motivating them to do what they do, and more often than not, those motivations are understandable to the reader and actually have you sympathizing with the character. Hattori wanted to rid the world of the need for war. Subaru wanted to save the person she loved most in the world. Yamase wanted to win his family back (I think? It’s been a while).

Even Katarou and Kannuki, two characters who have practically nothing to redeem them, at least have motivations that are pretty damn realistic. Kannuki wanted to capitalize on Kouga’s Forbidden Art and use it to grow Alya Academy’s profit and power through the surface world. A Lot of people are like this in real life, and while you may not sympathize with him over it, it is a motivation that is true of our own world as well as the one in this story.

An Katarou, as far as I understand, is obsessed with Shinra herself, rather than the hijutsu and the power it holds. He manipulated hundreds of people and hundreds of situations to suit his own needs, then literally got himself killed - just to see her one last time. And… yeah, I don’t think anyone really sympathized with him, but hey, I can see what pushed him to do what he did.

To me, Katarou is symbolic of someone with an addiction - their mind is so clouded by a need for some specific thing that all other human aspects of that person just fall away, and they’ll do whatever it takes to get what they want.

I also appreciate how the characters handle their differences throughout the story. Their honesty with each other, the way they support each other even when they’re all heading in opposite direction. The Alya Academy arc (I really love this arc okay) especially shows this, in how the ninja from Banten and Kairoshuu - two very opposing factions - fight together against the Kouga without hesitation, despite the fact that in most other situations, they’d be fighting each other.

It’s a wonderful thing to promote: that even though people might have different opinions or goals, it doesn’t mean they have to hate each other.

DAY 08 (Jun. 10th) - Favorite Extra?

I am IN LOVE with the little between-chapter 4koma pieces, especially the ones from the Alya Academy arc (God, I’ve talked so much about this arc). Subaru fantasizing about Miharu being her little brother and making her birthday cake? Adorable. Miharu and Yoite getting stuck behind a bookshelf and terrifying an opponent by asking for help out? Hilarious.

I love that Kamatani put those in, both as a peek into happier aspects of the world he created, and as a way to add a bit of sun in between the much darker, much sadder chapters.

DAY 09 (Jun. 11th) - Headcanons

I’m not much of a headcanon person, to be honest, and especially not with this series. It feels off to me, to try and add to something that’s already so perfect. However, I do agree with a couple of headcanons I’ve seen - particularly the ones theorizing that Yukimi is aro-ace. It makes a lot of sense to me in how his character is portrayed when nearly every other character in the series has a romantic match, and as an ace person myself, more representation is always welcome.

DAY 10 (Jun. 12th) - Alternate Universe

I once started (and quickly abandoned out of shame) a very cringey, very out-of-character fanfic, in which the Nabari world didn’t exist and all the characters meet through natural means in the surface world. Other than that, however, I’ve not put much thought into Nabari no Ou AUs.

But something I would LOVE to see is a crossover between NnO and Shimanami Tasogare, as the two stores canonically take place in the same location - NnO being in Banten, a fictional town based on the real town of Onomichi, and Shimanami Tasogare being confirmed to take place in plain old Onomichi itself. It’s been a while since I’ve read Shimanami Tasogare, but I remember the leader/owner of the little house the cast gathers in as giving me a distinctly Nabari-world vibe, and I think it would be interesting to see the NnO characters react to a community like the one presented in Shimanami Tasogare.

(And also perhaps have some romantic relationships and sexualities proven canon. Perhaps.)

DAY 11 (Jun. 13th) - Favorite song from the OST?

It’s a firm tie between the opening theme and the second ending theme. I have every song in the OST memorized after years of hearing them day in and day out, but those two themes always give me this tingling nostalgic feeling, like rereading a book from your childhood or finding a toy as an adult that you’d thought was lost forever. The animation and symbolism in those themes are also very telling of the series and the character’s connections to each other (a bit obviously, at times), and the lyrics are special to me in a way I can’t describe. They’re precious to me, and to me experience of NnO as a whole, considering I started with the anime first (a bad idea).

DAY 12 (Jun. 14th) - Are there any songs that make you think of NnO?

“Neopolitan Dreams” by Lisa Mitchell ( X ) ( X )

I once watched a cute Raimei/Kouichi AMV set to this song listened to the lyrics, I understood how the author had put them together. I very much feel like the lyrics echo Raimei’s thoughts on how Kouichi starts to act in later chapters, becoming more and more distant until he almost appears to be an antagonist rather than one of the perceived heroes. The song also makes me think of Raimei’s stubbornness and pride, her unwillingness to accept option besides her own conclusions until she’s had the full story and nothing less.

I can never get their faces out of my head while listening to this song, which I guess means the song reminds me more of Raimei and Kouichi than NnO in general, but it still counts, right?

DAY 13 (Jun. 15th) - Food

I’ve never really thought too hard on it, but now that I am, it’s actually very interesting to note how different characters use food - the Rokujo Okonomiyaki shop, in particular - to their advantage.

Thobari uses his (implied, before the start of the overall plot) regular visits to try and get Miharu to believe him about the Shinrabanshou and the Nabari world. Thobari uses the close proximity to explain his motives to Miharu, who physically cannot leave the situation, lest the food burn to a damn crisp (and I figure Naoko wouldn’t be pleased if that happened every time Thobari came in). He also very clearly uses this to keep tabs on Miharu when outside of a school setting where Miharu has no choice to be in Thobari’s sight, and later, as a way to either catch up on what’s going on in the Nabari world or - as in several cases - simply demand answers from Miharu.

Raimei uses the shop as a way to get closer to Miharu. She charms her way into getting free food (and sometimes, free lodging as well) and I assume her thinking is probably something on the lines of “Free Food + Spend Time With Miharu = Information on Where Raikou Might Be.” Of course, this likely isn’t her motive in later chapters, because, well, character development.

Food is also an important bonding thing for Yoite and Yukimi. In a lot of the scenes where we see Yoite and Yukimi in their home, they’re eating together, and I always took it as a display of their familial relationship - cooking dinner for Yoite the way a dutiful older sibling would for their younger sibling - thoughI doubt either of them would admit they’re like brothers. The significance of lemonade should also be noted for this topic - I could go on for ages about it.

(But I won’t unless people ask me to, because this piece is long enough already!)

I don’t have much memory of this scene being as big a deal in the manga as it was in the anime - but I also haven’t seen either in a while, so I could be wrong - but the birthday cake scene from the latter half of the anime left an impact on me even back when I’d only seen the anime, and it was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the prompt was “food.” Gau’s pride in the cake he made and his determination to get any kind of praise out of Yoite is very touching, especially when you take into account that Yoite literally saved Gau’s life, and that Gau knows this, as well.

The Kairoshuu - particularly Yukimi, Raikou, Gau, and Kazuho - are all shown bonding on more than one occasion at Kazuho and her husband’s sushi shop, and there is significance to those occasions in the rather heavy conversations they have during those visits. And there’s also the time Miharu cooked okonomiyaki for all the main Kairoshuu member after he’d first joined their clan - similar to how a recently hired employee would bring cookies for their new boss.

Food has a lot of significance in Nabari no Ou, no matter where you look.

DAY 14 (Jun. 16th) - Favorite village, and thoughts on the Forbidden Arts?

As far as morals and motivations go, I would have to choose Banten, as their (or at least Thobari’s) main opinion is that the Shinrabanshou shouldn’t be used because it throws off the balance of the universe. I definitely understand this opinion, because a lot of things can go wrong if the wrong kind of person is making wishes to Shinra and having them granted.

Although, I think that if anyone were to use the ability in a way that leaves the balance of the world intact, it would be Miharu, and this is even shown in the series itself. He doesn’t have the kind of greed or anger that would taint a person’s motivations when making their wishes, he just wants to do what is best for others- especially Yoite. Yoite is important to him, and therefore Yoite’s wish is also important to Miharu. And, as we see in later chapters, Miharu puts granting Yoite’s wish above even his own happiness. I feel I would make a similar decision were I in his shoes.

(For aesthetic, though, I’d choose Fuuma. Their village is hidden and surrounded by forest and in that lovely traditional Japanese style, and their uniforms are great. If Saraba were Chief I’d join.)

DAY 15 (Jun. 17th) - Favorite minor/supporting character

Gau! Definitely Gau! Gosh I love him so much. He’s optimistic and tries his best to look for the best in situations and in people, and his smile is so freaking sunshiney, I bet he lights up rooms with it. He’s awkward and quirky and I can relate so hard. But he’s also strong? He stands up to other ninja even though he really doesn’t have the physical ability to defend himself or others. He puts his life in danger to tell Raimei the truth about her family immediately after swearing silence to Raikou, his boss, who could 100% kill him if he found out Gau had broken his promise. And I bet you Gau would’ve told Raikou about him telling Raimei as soon as he’d gone home, if the bullshit at the Shimizu property hadn’t gone down the way it did.

And speaking of that scene- he throws himself in front of Raikou’s katana to save the life of a girl he hadn’t known for more than a day, who had threatened to kill him, who was seeking to kill the person he treasured most in the world. Who does that?! Gau apparently. He literally gives his life for just the possibility that Raikou and Raimei can make up and be happy siblings again. He gives his life so that the person he loves can maybe reconcile with someone else they loved.

He makes a conscious effort to include Yoite in conversations in which he would otherwise be largely ignored, and while I doubt Yoite would care either way, it’s the thought that counts, right? And, at least in the anime (it’s been a while since I read the manga) he puts his life on the line to help Yoite and Miharu even though, as I said before, he can’t really defend himself all that well.

Basically, I’m in love with Gau and want him to be happy. Sweet baby!

DAY 16 (Jun. 18th) - Free Day

I don’t really have anything else to say but I’m posting all of these today (I was late for the original posting by like four days so I figured I’d write them all out and post them together) so I’ll count this as my day 16 entry! Thank you so much if you’ve read this far, I know it was probably daunting to look at this long as fucking post but I’m glad you took the time to read my personal reflection on NnO! This manga means a lot to me and it’s nice to discover other people who love it as much as I do (I’ve literally met two people in my entire life who’ve read it without me suggesting it).

Keep the love going y’all, I hope to see you again! And feel free to hit me up if you’d like to talk about NnO, I’d love to connect with other fans! Seeya owo

#nabari no ou #nno anniversary prompts

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problemsofabooknerd · 6 years ago

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My Personal Sexuality Journey

Pride Day 6!

Check out the intro to my Pride project here.

For the past few days, I have mainly been discussing books on this blog. Which is, hey, the topic of the blog so that makes sense! But today I want to get a bit more personal. I identify as a lesbian, but that has not always been the case, so today we’re going to get into the nitty gritty of my sexuality journey. It’s... long.So, I hope you’re all ready.

So, to begin with, I am not one of those “well, I’ve just always known�� sort of people when it comes to being hella queer. I grew up in a hyper-religious area in Utah, and we were not exposed to a lot of queer content in any variety. My parents were always cool with The Gays, but it wasn’t a topic that was really openly discussed. I think Glee was possibly my first exposure to a visibly queer character, and that show started when I was in high school. So, basically, I didn’t have any inklings I might not be straight until college. But first, let’s go back to high school a bit.

When I was a junior in high school I managed to nab a boyfriend for about a minute and a half. The thing about being attracted to girls when you don’t really know that’s an option is that, at least in my experience, you start to assume attraction must just feel like ah, I would very much like to be friends with that person. This is probably what a crush is. I’m not saying that’s not an authentic way to crush, because I definitely think it is, but when I was young and sure of my heterosexuality, I rationalized that the desire for friendship and hanging out was actually me wanting a relationship.

I hung out with lots of guys in high school. They were cool, awkward, nerdy guys and I liked being friends with them. I also knew they liked me, so I was willing to go on dates or to dances should one of them ask.Which is how I wound up with my high school boyfriend. He was sweet, we shared a sense of humor, and I loved being around him. Shockingly, it was whenever he wanted to move past friendship activities that I felt stifled and uncomfortable. I didn’t understand what it was at the time, that fear or that resistance, but I knew that I couldn’t continue forwards in a relationship. I ended it, frustrated because I felt like I was losing a close friend rather than a romantic partner. It was a ridiculously confusing and frustrating time all around.

After high school, I went on a date with a friend’s cousin. He was what I perceived as my type, awkward and nerdy, and I knew he liked me. We went to his place after dinner and he tried to make out with me while I argued that he was missing important plot points of the first episode of Sherlock. He was shoving his tongue in my mouth and I was upset because they were dropping hints on screen that would be revealed later and oh my god when they break down the mystery at the end you are going to be so confused.

So.... that was one of the gayer situations of my gay life.

In college, I moved out of Utah and across the country to New Jersey where I attended an exceedingly queer liberal arts college. The new friends I was making were - at least I assumed at the time - the first gay people I had ever met. This later turned out to be absurd, as I’m not the only person at my high school who has since come out. But here they all were! Queer, vibrant, and proud. And I was so excited to be a part of a world where you could be who you are, even though I knew I was definitely, absolutely, without question the Straightest™ person I knew.

Cut to me meeting a girl my second day of orientation. Cut to me suddenly being thrust into a friendship a lot more intense than any other friendship I had been a part of. Cut to the end of Freshman year.

My second year, I became roommates with The Girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll stop being all weird and secretive. Most of you know I fell for my roommate, and that her name was Janel. But my college self, who was confused by attraction and by what the intensity of certain feelings towards people meant, had no idea.

Despite the fact that the people around me were telling me that what I was describing was clearly romantic, I didn’t want to admit to myself they might be onto something. I was even confronted a few times about how I identified at school. Here I was, this girl with short hair who was super close to her roommate. Like, we held hands. It was, um, super gay. It was super, super gay and I wouldn’t talk about it.

I knew I might want to kiss her. I also knew I didn’t want to be one of Those Girls that makes out with their queer friend and then backs out immediately.

See, because the thing was, I knew she wasn’t straight. And that added whole other levels to the situation. I knew if I kissed her she wouldn’t mind. And that was a big, open possibility that scared me right to the back of the questioning closet.

What if I kiss her and I don’t feel anything?

What if she wants to kiss me back and I hurt her?

What does it mean if I want to kiss her?

What if I kiss her and I do feel something?

Am I gay?

Am I bi?

Is it just her?

What if I hurt her what if I hurt her what if i hurt her?

That’s basically the first semester of sophomore year in a nutshell. And then, one night, things reached a tipping point of sorts. We were playing Friends trivia and drinking absolutely foul sweet tea vodka and lemonade. We were beyond drunk, and when she asked how I would feel about her kissing me, I said she should.

When I woke up the next day, I was scared. And I panicked. Because it had definitely meant something, but that meant I wasn’t straight. And I didn’t know how to deal with a self that wasn’t straight. I had no blueprint for that, so I said it didn’t mean anything. And I hurt her.

The thing is, I always take time coming to terms with things. I’m not necessarily scared of change, but I’m scared of becoming someone new. Because I don’t know that person, and I’m intimidated by people I don’t already know. I’m scared of telling others the ways I have changed, and forcing them to relearn me. It feels like a process, changing part of your identity, and that process was too big to conceptualize. So I made bad choices, I ran, and I spent a month and a half of winter break trying to decide who I was.

When I came back to school, I felt like I had a new version of myself I could live with. My personal identity, the words I used, they didn’t matter. What mattered is that I loved her, and I wanted to be with her. Thus began the portion of my life where I identified as idk I guess I’m just attracted to pretty people. I think I stole that one from Orange is the New Black, probably because that show is terrified of saying the word B-I-S-E-X-U-A-L. Shhh, don’t let the showrunners know that it’s real and out there!

After a while, I got into the bi pride side of tumblr. It vibed with me and how I felt about myself. Part of being able to accept my same gender attraction came from Korrasami - two bi girls who fell for each other in Legend of Korra. It came from reading miles of Dean Winchester is bi meta. And finally, after a few months, I was able to accept that label for myself. I had a boyfriend in high school and I thought David Tennant was pretty, which meant of course I still had to fit my relationships with men somewhere into my sexuality. I was bisexual, and I wore that word with pride.

It took a really long time to not identify as bi anymore. I mean, when I semi-came out to my grandmother I was still using the word “bisexual” to describe myself. I wouldn’t tell anyone else that word, anyone but Janel, but it felt like maybe it was a place for me to meet in the middle. To still know myself, but to know myself better. I could be the person I was, but I could also be someone new.

For a while on YouTube I was like ~undercover gay~. Like, in a “everyone knows” way but also in an “I don’t talk about it” way. My family watched my channel, and I wasn’t ready for that conversation. I adored my girlfriend, but there was still this constant underlying terror that I would hurt everyone around me if I changed again. If I told my family my identity, and it changed, I didn’t know how anyone would be able to deal with it. I didn’t know if I would be able to deal with it.

I was also terrified of the word “lesbian”, but like that’s a whole other list of internal shit I don’t want to get in to because this post is long enough as it is.

When I finally started to use the word “gay”, it felt like a step in the right direction. But it was also a tiptoe. I said it, terrified people would come out of the woodwork asking about my past relationships and interest in men. That they would confront me for thirst posting about popular tumblr dudes on my fandom blog. I whispered the word and it maybe felt right, it maybe felt like a little zing in my chest, but it also felt like leaving a part of myself behind. Maybe a part I wasn’t comfortable with and never had been, but still this definite chunk of who I had been was just no longer a part of how I was identifying myself.

And that’s fucking terrifying.

Gradually, lesbian became my word. It became a word that encapsulated why I never felt fully comfortable around men. Why I didn’t want relationships with them. It became an affirmation for the fact that I had always had an underlying attraction to women. I felt more confident when I saw Willow Rosenberg, a girl who had a boyfriend in high school, identify confidently as a lesbian in college. Because that was my story and it was ok for that to be my word. It helped me feel more confident in my attraction to women in general, and in that confidence I was able to recognize a difference in how I felt about men.

My sexuality journey was long, and it was difficult. It involved trying things that were scary, and stepping out of a self I knew to find a self I loved so much more. The confidence I found in grasping and being able to explain new parts of my identity made me happier and stronger than I had ever been in my life. Lesbian is my word. I use gay, I use queer. They are all me. But when I walked at Pride this year, it was a lesbian flag I had pinned on. Because it encapsulates me and makes me feel safe.

It makes me feel proud.

Now, real fast at the end here, a couple of notes. Bisexual was a stepping stone word for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s a stepping stone sexuality. It was a word I needed to help me figure out who I was, but that does not remotely encapsulate what being bisexual is. I have known girls who used lesbian and then knew that the word bisexual was more theirs. I have seen people who always knew that bisexual was their word. So I am in no way putting my experiencing of identifying as a person with multiple gender attraction on some kind of all-around temporary status. Bisexual peeps, your word is valid and so are you.

Also, my word doesn’t mean I eliminate trans folks. The word lesbian includes trans women, and I’m not here to have an asinine argument with anyone about that. Just putting it out there.

This was a long one, but sexuality is so goddamn difficult and it took years for me to start to learn about myself. And I’m still learning. Maybe I’ll find a new word someday that fits like a glove, and that will be scary but it will also be okay. And if you don’t have your word yet, and maybe you don’t want a word, that’s okay too. The most important thing is finding a way to be happy with yourself, whatever way you choose to package it. It’s about doing research, trying scary things, and maybe feeling like you can find a way to know yourself a little better one day at a time.

Alright, that’s where I am going to wrap up. Thanks so much for reading about my messy process of self discovery, and feel free to share your own stories too - in a reblog or a message. You are all beautiful and your experience is valuable. I’m just here to share a little bit of mine.

#pride #pride 2018 #coming out #lesbian #queer #lgbtqia+#about me #my post

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bizarre-dollhouse · 7 years ago

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My Top 10 Favourite Anime (And Why You Should Watch Them)

This is normally something I would put on my main blog, but I wanted to celebrate a follower milestone and also I know this will reach a significantly wider audience on this blog.

Consider this both a list of recommendations and a *get to know me* thing, I guess.

Honourable Mentions:

Bakemonogatari: A really stylized show about a semi vampire helping people with their supernatural afflictions born from emotional issues. The subsequent seasons get a little questionable, but this is definitely a standalone story with great dialogue and visuals. (15 eps)

Shiki: Creepy story about a small town infested with vampires. Really brutal and sick, but it has fascinating themes. The pacing is a bit slow and it has a kind of bad scene towards the end, but the show is 100% worth it. (24 eps)

Cardcaptor Sakura: Because this is mostly aimed at younger viewers, I would only really recommend this show for either magical girl fans, or people who watched the extremely altered dub as a kid. That being said, its a cute, fun show about magic with a likeable cast and surprisingly creative and original ideas, especially towards the latter half. (70 eps)

Jojos Bizarre Adventure 4: Diamond is Unbreakable: Full disclosure, I have not seen the first 3 jojo series, but its not necessary to enjoy this show. This is a super creative and really fun series about superpowered badasses in a strange city fighting each other and trying to solve a murder mystery in the background. Weird, but in the best way. (39 eps)

Kuroshitsuji: Book of Circus: This should be higher on the list, but in truth I would recommend the manga way over the show. But, if you want to watch a supernatural horror/comedy without reading a 138+ chapter manga, OR you were a fan of the original Black Butler seasons and want to see something way better, give this a watch. (10 eps)

*drumroll*

10. Trigun

So Trigun takes place is this old west, yet mysterious science fiction-y world where, through a bunch of complicated scenarios, a pacifist is the most wanted criminal known to man. Due to his status as a “natural disaster,” two insurance workers are tasked with reining him in to save their business. It’s an incredibly charming series, and the protagonist is really likeable. It’s extremely creative, funny, and emotional near the end. I do have some problems with the ending because it almost seems like the final conflict just...solves itself, but that’s a nitpick. The first episode is basically a short film, so give that a watch and see how you feel. (26 eps)

9. Paranoia Agent

This was directed by the late and great Satoshi Kon and has his usual themes about the blurring between fiction, dreams, and reality. It’s about a string of mysterious assaults committed by a kid with a baseball bat, and how these assaults seem to solve the problems of the victims. It’s very arthouse and has a twist that makes me ball my eyes out even though it’s not sad it’s just...odd and overwhelming. It drags a bit near the middle, but if you like kind of surreal stuff that’s also just really good, you have to watch this show. (13 eps)

8. Baby Steps

The amazing thing about this show is that its premise is specifically designed to make me hate it. It’s about a nerdy teenager who starts to play a sport for the sole sake of getting fit and having a more well rounded life style, and also he has a crush on this really popular girl. That sounds fucking awful, but the main character is actually really likeable (he reminds me a lot of Deku from BNHA) and I swear to fucking god every time I thought this show was going to do something awful and cliched with its romantic comedy plot, it doesn’t. The beauty and the geek trope is still there, but all of the bullshit that comes with it is omitted in a way I feel was kind of self-aware. The sports aspect is really good too: it’s well paced and there’s lots of tension even though the show as a whole is really upbeat and pleasant. I had a blast watching it, and if you can make it past the fact that is has god awful animation, give it a watch.

7. Higurashi: When They Cry

Yet another great show with absolute garbage animation. Anyways, this show is about a group of teenagers in a small town who are unknowingly trapped in a time loop. In each loop there’s a bunch of new mysteries, as well as some extremely brutal murders and tortures experienced my the main cast. I’ve seen a number of Western shows (Orphan Black, BBC Sherlock, Lost, Supernatural, etc.) fall apart because the writers want a really clever and intricate mystery to play out, but they don’t want to actually put the time into crafting one, so it’s just a bunch of cliffhangers with no answers or pay off. THIS SHOW SUCCEEDS AT WHAT ALL OF THOSE OTHER SHOWS FAIL AT. While not all of the answers are great (the second season isn’t as good) the original author somehow made the world’s most ludicrously complicated mystery story work, with a lot of it relying on the audience to put all of the pieces together even when the characters can’t. Its very clever in doing that: it makes its audience feel smart. It also has themes that don’t really show up in other horror stories, even though they’re incredibly relevant to fear and violence. Great show, go watch it. (50 eps)

6. Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

Everyone knows about this show, everyone says it’s great, and everyone’s right. If you’ve been living under a rock for ten years: the show is about two brothers who break an alchemy taboo, which destroys their bodies, They’re on the hunt for something to restore them to normal and along the way they meet like 8990354578579 characters with interesting stories. It’s tightly written and really gripping. It’s fun, but also really dramatic and emotional when it needs to be. My only problems with it are that the ending is reaaaallllly convoluted, and there’s a minor plot point earlier on that gets weirdly dropped, but everyone kinda forgets about those things because the show’s so good. Also the brotherly bond makes me cry. (64 eps)

5. FLCL

I honestly don’t even know where to start with this show because it has the unique property of being the only show I have ever seen that I have literally no problems with. Not even nitpicks. There is nothing wrong with this show; it’s perfect. The only reason it’s not number 1 is because some other shows have more ideas or more fleshed out characters. So this arthouse spastic comedy is about a boy who is disappointed with all of the adults in his life, then some chick hits him in the face with a guitar and giant robots from a secret facility start coming out of his head. It’s fucking wild and has like 30 different aesthetics and I love all of them. It’s the best looking show I’ve ever seen and one of the best directed. It feels like someone read a really weird poem and turned it into a 6 episode show. It’s funny, it’s emotional, it’s cartoony, it’s beautiful, it’s raunchy, it’s poetic, it’s silly, it’s creative, and it’s got strong themes. The wtf visuals, the nonsensical plot, and the amazing soundtrack make an aesthetic experience more than anything. (6 eps)

4. Princess Tutu

I already made a post about this show and why it’s good, which you can check out here, but the gist is it’s a meta fairytale about a duck that turns into a girl to help a storybook prince find his emotions. I used to love stories that were “twists on fairytales” or whatever, but after watching this show I realized that the genre is pretty derivative. This show is so amazing it honestly made me reevaluate an entire genre and come to the conclusion that this is the only member of that genre worth watching. It’s truly creative and well crafted with fantastic characters. (26 eps)

3. Hunter x Hunter (2011)

This show is basically a bunch of creative ideas, unique set pieces, and interesting characters stacked on top of each other in a trench coat disguised as a narrative. It’s about a perky shonen protagonist and a child assassin becoming friends while also trying to become hunters (a position involving vast wealth and adventure). It’s in a modern fantasy setting so literally anything can happen. In one arc they have to play life-or-death dodgeball against robots, and another is an insanely epic tale about the intense evil that people are capable of (feat. a 25 episode climax). I can’t even talk about all of the themes or ideas because there are just too many. Because of it’s wild, sprawling story, it has a lot of ass pulls and retcons, but in the grand scheme of things they don’t really matter. It’s long, but super easy to watch in huge chunks. (148 eps)

2. Neon Genesis Evangelion and The End of Evangelion

The most efficient way to describe this show is to say that it’s the most interesting show ever made. It’s about an apocalyptic future in which emotionally disturbed teenagers must pilot giant bio-machines to fight monsters which are referred to as angels. It’s got deep characters, a creative story, and is probably the most well directed show I’ve ever seen. The ending infamously fell apart due to production problems, so there’s a movie called The End of Evangelion to conclude the story. It’s a very disturbing arthouse movie, so watch out for that, but the show as a whole is moooosssstly more straightforward and fascinating, This is an absolute must watch. (26 eps and 1 movie)

1. Baccano!

Baccano! takes place in 1930s New York, and is about thieves, gangsters, criminals, terrorists, alchemists, and immortals interacting in this nonlinear comedy/action thrill ride. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster while watching this show. It’s the perfect blend of action, comedy, romance, drama, horror, and creative storytelling. It’s fantastic to rewatch since the first episodes barely make any sense without context (but are still an absolute joy to watch). It’s got great characters and it’s a great story. Go watch it. And then watch it again. (13 eps and 3 OVAs)

That’s it for this list! Check out my MAL page for more recommendations if you’re interested and have a great night!

#neon genesis evangelion #hunter x hunter #fmab #higurashi no naku koro ni #trigun #flcl #princess tutu #baby steps #paranoia agent #baccano!#not kuro

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huntertales · 7 years ago

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Part Two: Adventures in Babysitting. (Two and a Half Men S06E02)

Episode Summary: Sam and the reader investigate a case about missing babies whose parents are being murdered, and upon working a crime scene, discover a baby boy. Dean is called to help after the reader and Sam are unsure of what to do. However, while taking care of the orphaned child, the reader and Dean discover something about themselves—they make decent parents. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 5,160.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

Never in your entire life did you think you'd be down the baby aisle of the grocery store, even more, would you be picking up supplies to keep one alive. But, in this line of work, there was a first time for everything. You carried the baby into the store and buckled him safely into one of those carts with a seat attached and put Sam on duty to push the car. It took you a minute before you finally found the proper aisle to get all the things you would need to help take care of this baby. You began to eye all the different sort of products, making a mental note of what you might need. It’d been a very long time since you had taken care of a child, but it didn’t mean you forgot the basics of what you would need.

“Okay. I’m pretty sure there’s some kind of jelly you’re supposed to put on their butt.” Dean was right next to you, examining all of the products with a close inspection, trying to compile his own list of supplies.

“It’s for diaper rashes.” You noted, pretty sure you wouldn't need it. Sam found a little yellow box and plucked it off the shelf, Dean nodded his head and pointed a finger at the product. You rolled your eyes and grabbed a few things like formula into the cart before finding at least few dozen options of baby food. Grabbing a few jars, you held them up to the baby. “Okay, bud. Do you want green beans or turkey and squash?”

Your response was a blank stare, you let out a quiet sigh and ditched the choices, moving to something a little bit sweeter, in hopes that he might eat it later. You made sure to grab a thing of bottles and even a pacifier, not sure if you might need it to calm down the baby.

"So how do you guys know all of this?" Sam asked, watching as you and his brother grabbed all sorts of things like you'd done this before.

“Babysitting. Lots and lots of babysitting.” You said, grabbing an unscented packs of baby wipes as Dean grabbed a box of diapers. "I had a neighbor who had a newborn, too. That's how I earned most of my money as a kid."

“And Lisa’s got a baby niece. So I’ve been on a few milk runs myself.” Dean said. He reached out to grab something else that might have been of use. Sam looked at his brother with a bit of an amused expression as he muttered something underneath his breath. Dean, however, didn't find it all that funny. "Shut it."

“I said, ‘huh.’”

“I said, ‘shut it.’”

The boys were quickly pulled away from their petty argument when they heard a sound they had been dreading, it was the sounds of whimpers coming from the baby. You winced when you saw the familiar unpleasant look start to settle in his face. The baby turned his head to look away from you, who was trying your hardest to cheer up the best that you could, to Dean. Your smile began to falture as the baby clenched his tiny little fists and rubbed his face, letting out another whine. It was the telltale sign someone wasn’t the least bit happy, and if you weren’t quick, he was going to let everyone know by screaming on the top of his lungs.

“All right, we gotta get moving.” You warned the boys. “We got the waterworks in T-minus-ten.”

You had to admit, taking care of the baby was easy, you were lucky to have little moments of him crying and being fussy...until this moment—until you came that person.You sympathized for the women who tried to balance normal chores like shopping with babies and kids of their own who cried because they were hungry or threw temper tantrums because they couldn't have a candy bar they wanted. Because everyone was that child at point in their life. But the world wasn't filled with people who understood. They would rather look, waiting for you to shut up a child that wasn’t even yours.

You could feel the glares and judgmental stares coming from customers and employees as the baby let out a cry and his eyes filled with tears. You and Dean tried your hardest to calm him down by soothing him with calm words and baby noises, but he wasn't having it. Sam was getting pissed himself. He hated your idea of bringing the thing along in the first place.

“Y/N, make it stop.” Sam hissed at you. You scoffed and looked at him with a glare of your own, he slammed a few products down on the belt, causing the cashier to give the three of you a side eye that went unnoticed. You tilted your head to the side and, with a sarcastic tone, asked him how you could possibly do that. “Everyone’s staring at us like we’re child abusers. Feed it.”

“We already fed it, genius.” You said. Sam rolled his eyes in frustration from your lack of help and look to his brother, hopeful that he might have some answers. Dean shrugged his shoulders, seeming clueless as ever. You looked down at the baby and came up with a possible theory. "Maybe he needs a diaper change, that's all."

“Oh, God,” Sam suddenly appeared horrified at the thought. “I hope not.”

You could feel a sudden audience upon you when the baby cried even louder, you looked over your shoulder and gave an old man a dirty glare from how he was looking at you. Dean decided to be the brave one by unclipping the baby from the seat to check for himself if the baby was in fact wet, or worse, had a full diaper. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing when he held the baby at arms length, moving it around slightly, he was happy to see there wasn't any wet marks. Dean's next big solution to calm down the baby was to mimic him, letting out a mocking cry. You let out a frustrated sigh, trying your hardest to avoid smacking the man upside the head from how he was acting.

“Aw. What’s the matter?” You turned your head to see an older woman parked herself right next to you, poking herself into a situation that didn’t involve her. You gave her a friendly smile and tried to brush off her curiosity with a simple answer of a fussy baby. You gave her a smile a nd looked at Dean, getting ready for him to hand over the baby to you. But the woman was insist with asking questions. “What’s his name?”

“Bobby.”

“John.”

“Bobby John.” You answered for her, putting both names together as you smiled again.

“Hi, Bobby John. Aren’t you handsome? May I?” The woman seemed rather friendly from what she asked. You opened your mouth and outstretched your arms to take the baby, getting ready to deny her rather forward request. But you found yourself giving her a tight smile when she plucked the baby right out of Dean's arms. She cradled the baby in her arms, and like she had the magic touch, the baby suddenly fell quiet. "I see, now, Bobby John's a little wet. Now, no offense, but you two look exhausted. First time parents, I suppose?”

“Adopted parents. My...wife and I've been taking care of him for the past few weeks." Dean said to the woman, letting out a quiet laugh from the story that he was spinning. Your lips stretched into a faint smile when the woman's gaze fell in your direction. It took everything in you not to show your displeasure from what the older Winchester said. "Yeah. Bobby John sort of landed in our lap. But he is a handful, that is for sure. Right, sweetheart?"

"I don't mind giving you two a break for a few minutes." The woman offered. "Lord knows I've changed a million diapers."

“Well, uh,” You let out a quiet chuckle from her bold, and quite frankly, little weird offer to get the baby off your hands for a task that you could do just fine yourself. You looked over your shoulder for a moment and stare at a security camera footage, your eyes wandering to the one that was of you and the woman. You could feel your grip around the cart going knuckle white when you saw something that disturb you. You quickly looked over the woman and gave her a friendly smile, putting on an act so she wouldn't notice what you discovered. "That's a really nice offer, thank you, but, um, I think we've got it from here. I'm no stranger myself to a wet diaper.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, dear.” The woman reassured you. “Happy to help.”

“That’s sweet, really.” You chuckled out, playing along to her little game for a few seconds longer as you outstretched your arms. “Listen, granny—you have five seconds to hand over the baby or I’m going to stab you in the neck.”

"Y/N." Sam whispered your name in a surprised tone, his brow furrowing from how blunt and protective you were being to a woman that seemed harmless enough. But appearances could be deceiving to the human eye.

Pointing a finger over your shoulder, the brothers looked at the security monitor, only to discover the same horror as you had—those glowing white eyes, it meant the woman holding Bobby John was a shapeshifter. And she wasn't about to leave here empty handed. She bolted around the register and tried to make a run for it, but Dean was faster than the grandmother she posed herself as. You quickly found yourself going for the opposite direction, leaving Sam in the dust for a moment as you ran fast as you possibly could, your eyes never leaving the baby. Dean managed to grab ahold of the shifter by her arm—only for a chunk of her skin to fall off. He grimaced and quickly flicked off the unwanted present. But it was a good enough of a distraction to put the shifter a few seconds ahead of him. It looked like she was about to make a getaway, until you came out of nowhere, slamming yourself directly in front of her, catching her off guard.

You managed to grab the baby straight of her arms and backed away quickly, managing to run out of the exit with Sam behind you. Before the shifter could race after you, Dean tackled her to the ground, giving you enough time to head to the car and buckle up Bobby John best that you could before you went back for the older Winchester. Dean managed to escape when Sam pulled the car up to the entrance and throw himself into the backseat with you and the baby. Sam slammed on the gas pedal and set the car going forward, leaving the shifter as a small object you stared at from the backseat window, driving off to safety.

+ + +

Fifteen minutes into the drive, and you were farther away from the shifter than you had been before, and you were still struggling to keep Bobby John happy as you tried to buckle him up, Dean insisted on trying, causing you to roll your eyes in frustration and sit back, letting him try to figure this thing out for himself. The baby continued to fuss around, letting out quiet whimpers and rubbed his face, signaling that someone was in need of a diaper change and a nap followed right after. But right now you were concerned on getting the baby somewhere safe until you could figure out what was going on here.

“The hell’s a shifter want with a baby, anyway?” Dean asked. He struggled himself to figure out how all of these straps made sense, and it wasn’t helping that Bobby John was wiggling around, fussing and making things make complicated. You shrugged your shoulders from the lack of answers. “And how the hell did it find us? Ah, who the hell designed this thing, NASA?”

"It could have been following me this whole time." Sam theorized, thinking the shifter might not have ran off after you had cut him with the knife. You rolled your eyes from Dean's attempt as you decided to take one last go at it. "Since the baby's house."

“We gotta get off the road. Get Bobby John here someplace safe.” You said. You let out a victory laugh when you managed to clip everything into place and adjust the straps. But the baby wasn’t the least bit happy when he let out a warning cry. "Hey, it's okay. We'll get you out of that soggy diaper in one time. You'd like that, huh? That's right."

Your lips stretched into a smile when you watched Bobby John quickly change his tone when you began to speak in a calming tone, his crying soon changed into the quiet sounds of baby gibberish that made your smile grow even more. You bent down slightly for a moment, as your hair shifted slightly in your face, Bobby John took it as an opportunity to grab a fist full of it in his tiny fingers and yanked. You tried your hardest not to let out an involuntary yell from the unexpected pain. When you opened your eyes, Bobby John was staring at you with a toothless grin, seeming proud of himself for what he did.

+ + +

One booked motel room on the opposite side of town and one successful shopping trip later, you finally managed to get around to that soggy diaper that soon changed into something extra. You grimaced as you changed the baby the best that you could. Dean helped much as he could, distracting Bobby John with a few toys you had grabbed from the house. But the baby kept trying to wiggle itself away, seeming to be over the process of getting himself changed.

“Okay. All right, you know what? I’ll pay you money if you sit still.” The older Winchester tried to bribe the baby as he looked over your shoulder, trying to figure out how to get him to lay still for just a few minutes longer. Sam, who sat at the table and kept himself far away from the baby, couldn’t help himself but laugh at the sight of you and his brother occupied with Bobby John. He watched the baby fussed for a little while longer before you finally finished him up. You stepped away from him, grabbing the messy diaper and wipes and threw them into a plastic bag. Dean took over when you headed for the bathroom to wash your hands. He picked up the baby and decided that it was nap time. “All right. You are golden, Bobby John. Time to hit the hay.”

You emerged from the bathroom a few moments later with a towel in your hands. A smile began to creep at the ends of your lips at seeing the sight of Dean holding the baby. Bobby John was resting his head on his shoulder, seeming rather comforted by the song Dean was humming. His brother couldn’t help but make a remark that it was only going to make it more cranky. However, from your point of view, the baby seemed rather content. You leaned yourself against the doorframe, suddenly trying your hardest to hide the ache in your chest at the sight that would never be for you. Not that’d you ever wanted to be a mother, it was the sight of Dean holding the baby that made you think of a broken promise the two of you made before. Before you died and gone to the cage. Before you told him to run off to Lisa.

“Okay. If I put you down, you gonna be a man about it? Hmm?” Dean asked. He ever so gently placed the baby into the crib and quickly stepped away. A grin spread across his lips at the sight of Bobby John’s peacefully sleeping face, all thanks to him. “Well, look at that.”

You tossed the towel to the sink and headed over, wanting to see the baby’s sleeping face for yourself. Peering over the crib, you were rather surprised to see that he was, in fact, out like a light. “Huh.” Sam’s remark caused you to look away from the baby and to him. You gave him a look as you began walking over to the blanket you laid out to change Bobby John. “You two are, uh, actually...not awful at this.”

"Please." Dean scoffed, thinking his effort was minimal at best. "I'm barely keeping that thing alive. Y/N's the one who's doing all the hard work here."

“No, no, no, seriously. Who would have thought the two of you would make much a good set of parents. You got a whole Dr. Huxtable vibe coming off of you." Sam said, seeming to be rather surprised at how well his brother was handling this. You headed over to the table that he was sitting at while Dean occupied himself with folding up the blanket now the both of you didn't need it. You bent over to grab the bottle filled with formula that Bobby John had drank half of. You decided to put it in the small fridge for now so it wouldn't spoil. Your eyes wandered over to Sam, who had been staring at you intently, watching you with a look in in his eye that you had seen on occasion, in private. "And Y/N, who knew you were such a MILF.”

"Hey, Dean—put this in the fridge." You quickly pretended like nothing happened, quickly turning around on your heels and throwing the bottle at the man, giving him seconds to catch the object before it could fall to the ground. The man didn't move from his spot just yet. He suddenly looked at you two like he heard what his brother just said, despite the man whispering it underneath his breath for you to hear. You sat down and pretended like nothing happened, making him assume that he was just hearing things. You decided to change the subject, letting it linger on Dean for a little while. "Sam's right. You're, like, father material. It's suits you."

“Yeah, well, I kind of hoad to be lately, you know? Sink or swim, right?” Dean headed over to the fridge and put the bottle inside. You nodded your head slowly, wondering if he meant by Ben, and of course, he was. He grabbed himself a much needed glass of whiskey as he leaned himself against the countertop, happy to have a five minute break. “I mean, I know he’s not my kid...but I don’t know, I’m starting to feel like, yeah, he is. When I think about the way we grew up, I don’t know, I feel like I have a chance to do something different with Ben, you know?”

Your lips stretched into a smile at hearing him talk about the kid. It took a real, mature person to step up to the role of a parent for someone who had been missing one their entire life. You were rather happy to see that he wanted to be that for Ben. But it seemed your optimism wasn't as shared with someone else. Sam shifted around a few documents, trying to appear that he was working diligently, all while a remark slipped out from his mouth.

“You sure about that?” Sam's question made you and the older Winchester look at the man with a bit of a funny expression. You, who had been hiding any sort of doubt that this relationship between Lisa and Dean would end in misery, didn't seem to share the same realistic sort of attitude that Sam had. The younger man let out a sigh, hating to have to be the one to pull the both of you out of the clouds and back down to reality. "Look, you clearly care about the kid. But moving them around...keeping them on lockdown—I mean, you do have them on lockdown, right? How is that any different from how we were raised?"

Dean didn't like what he was hearing from the expression that slowly started to settle on his face. He pushed himself up from the counter and began walking to one of the beds and took a seat down on the edge. He looked over at his brother, and suddenly, he felt the need to defend himself. "I'm not shoving anybody into this life, okay? This is temporary."

“Dad always said it was temporary, Dean. Said it for twenty-two years.” Sam said. You watched as Dean began to grow a sullen look when he began to reflect on how he’d been acting over the past week since the djinn attack. He was always the type of person to always make sure that everyone was safe. He’d lost enough in life. You understood how much he wanted to cling on to what he had left. Sam, however, thought this cushioned lifestyle his brother had was really going to last for much longer. “Look, I get it. You wanna watch out for them. That’s great. I’m just asking, how do you do that, and not turn into Dad?”

The truth was a hard pill to swallow, but Dean was going to need to hear it before he got someone hurt. That's why Sam said what he did. And he wanted his brother back. He wanted things to be back the way they were. His brother hunting, not playing house with a woman he shared one night with. You let out a quiet sigh as you bit the inside of your cheek, not quite sure what you could say. Because part of you agreed with Sam. Hunters didn't ever get out of the lifestyle for good. But you wanted him out. You wanted him to live a happy, long life with people that were normal. This entire situation was bittersweet. And more confusing that you could ever quite process. Your personal opinion was always changing on what you were okay with.

"Crap. I can't believe I missed this." Sam didn't seem to find it all that hard to slip himself back into his work again. You looked away from the spot at the table and to him, wondering what he had found. "This house on Elm. The mother was killed, baby was grabbed, but Daddy wasn't living in the house at the time. So he's still alive. What do you say we go have a chat?"

“I say let’s.” You agreed with the plan, pushing yourself up to your feet as the brothers followed behind. As you were about ready to get yourself ready, you immediately realized that you were playing mommy. You let out a sigh and sat back down to the chair. “You boys go ahead. Unless either one of you got a badge for Bobby John, I’ll play Mommy Dearest for a couple hours. I mean, shouldn’t be too hard.”

You had all the confidence in the world that you could take care of a baby. You'd done it before. But that mostly was when you were a teenager and the baby was passed out for the night while its parents went out for dinner. You let out a frustrated sigh when you heard Bobby John slowly arise from his nap by the sounds of his cries that were slowly growing louder. It'd been almost a full day since you had gotten any sleep. You admitted defeat when you put your arms on the table and rested your head down, knowing this was going to a rough trip.

"Actually, you know, why don't you do a solo trip? I'll stay here with Y/N." Dean suggested, suddenly realizing that it would take much more than one person to take care of a baby. Sam nodded his head and got ready to head out, Dean walked over to the crib, thinking there might be a way to calm down the baby. He stuck his finger into his drink, and very sneakily, let the baby take a taste for the good stuff. Dean's lips stretch into a smile at how Bobby John quieted down just seconds later. "It’s good, isn’t it?”

“Dean! What the actual hell?” You looked up when you heard the room grow silent. You gave the man a disapproving glare from what he’d done and walked over to the crib, making sure that the baby was okay. Peering down, Bobby John seemed to have been content. “Well, I mean...they

used to give babies brandy when they were teething. Just don’t do it again. Okay?”

You grabbed the half empty glass from the man to finish up the last bit of it before heading back to get some more. One thing was for sure, this wasn’t going to be an easy few hours for the both of you. And you weren’t just talking about taking care of a baby.

+ + +

It'd been about an hour since Sam had left to talk to the father. Bobby John had been quiet in his crib, he'd fallen asleep right after, leaving you and Dean to figure out a way to fill in the silence that followed. You found yourself sitting at the table where Sam had been going through the paperwork to see if you could find any sort of other links to what was going on here. Shifters were pretty much creatures who liked to pretend to be someone else for their own personal gain, sort of like the pleasure of murder and robbery. At least, that's the few you'd come across during your time of hunting. Why was one stealing babies from parents? That was a question you had still to find out the answer to. But one thing was for sure, habits in some people never changed.

You looked up from the paperwork when you heard the sounds of vibrations coming from across the room. Dean was lying on one of the beds with his eyes closed, enjoying the perks of motel rooms, like the magic fingers he always insisted on using to relax. You brought your attention back to the papers to try and hide the smile that began to slowly spread across your lips. It was a sight that you would never grow old to stare at. Sometimes, back in a life that was before, when you and Dean were in a relationship and shared the same bed, you would sometimes be the first person to wake up. Maybe it was sort of creepy, watching him sleep, but it was a chance for you to see him in a way that you never really got to see before—peaceful, content. But the moment never lasted long.

“You know I always hated it when you stared at me, sweetheart.” Dean's unexpected voice made you suddenly shift your gaze away from the man and back down to your papers, trying to pretend that you weren't doing what he suspected. The man opened one of his eyes to see that you were sitting at the table with your eyes to the papers, but from the rosy tint starting to spread across the apples of your cheeks, you were caught. He let out a quiet chuckle, finding your frazzled behavior all too adorable. “How’s research going?”

"Peachy. I'm just...keeping busy. That's all." You said, shuffling through police documents and other papers you had collected over the past few days. The two of you remained silent for a few more moments as Bobby John remained silent in the crib. You looked away from the baby and to the older Winchester, suddenly, you were overcome with curiosity. "Do you miss it? Hunting, I mean."

I miss being with you and Sam. I miss riding around in the Impala. That was Dean's first answer that popped into his head from your question. But he didn't say that. Because it was only partially true. He pushed himself up to a sitting position on the bed, keeping silent for a second longer before answering you. "Sometimes. Yeah, I do. It’s all I’ve really known. But...my priorities changed. I've got..” You can say it. A new girlfriend, a new life—"A kid to raise now. Ben's a handful, but he's my responsibility. And I wouldn’t change anything in the world for that.”

"Good. You make a good father. Ben seems to be really happy when you're around. And I don't care what Sam says," You dropped the papers you'd been holding and let them fall to the table with a light thud. "You and Lisa can live a happy life without having to constantly move around all the time. I mean, look at me. I spent most of my life without anything bad happening to me. And I was alone. Well...not much changed there."

Your lips stretched into a smile as you let out a quiet laugh, finding your situation not the least bit bitter. Dean smiled ever so slightly, but for a moment, his mind reflected to a possibility that made him start to chuckle to himself. No, it was impossible. He'd been hearing things, that's all. But his hearing was working quite well from what happened next.

The both of you were torn away from your own thoughts when you heard a strange sound coming from the crib, followed by the baby starting to suddenly cry on the top of his lungs. You could feel your mouth slowly gape open when you noticed the walls and part of the crib was covered in a substance that you'd seen before. Ever so slowly, you and Dean looked at one another, wondering what the hell was going on. You pushed yourself to your feet as you quickly walked over to the crib, Dean cautiously followed behind with a slower pace, not sure what he was about to see. You didn't tear your eyes away from the baby when you heard your phone ring. Pulling it out, you answered it when you noticed that it was Sam.

“Talked to the father. He checks out. The baby…” Sam spoke on the other line, you barely gave him much more than a mumbled word as you picked up Bobby John from his crib. “I think the shapeshifter is his dad.”

“You think?” You muttered underneath your breath. You let out a quiet chuckle when you held the baby, who was not even the same baby anymore, but someone completely different. Your eyes wandered over to the box of diapers and the baby model. You were holding a carbon copy of the same baby. Letting out a quiet chuckle from what was going on, it seemed Bobby John was a very quick learner. “Oh, baby.”

[Next Part]

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