#but he was half-responsible for the mixtape thing at least :P

[elizabethrobertajones]

Ive watched neither the episode yet nor the new promo thing but I'm reading Cas and Kelly kiss?can u report for me if you watched it ;_;?

I have no idea, I ended up watching 10x02 and 10x03 instead and you’ve just given me war flashbacks to the 10x07 promo where Hannah kissed Cas so I’m just gonna point at that for now. :P I’m about 15 minutes through the new episode but have absolutely no desire to watch it. I already updated Windows when it asked, filled in a page of my colouring book, went for a long walk, and that’s on top of waking up late, going to yoga, and taking my sweet time to get back to even start watching because there were pokemon to catch on my route… 

I don’t particularly feel like digging up the 10x07 wank on my blog because that’s definitely long enough ago to be embarrassed remembering literally anything past!Me said, but it’s Berens next, isn’t it? I mean this is deja vu all over again. For the 10x07 wank he ended up having to post something about the promo showing none of the truth and one outright lie, which is a pretty meta statement about the show and PR. :P It looked like Cas and Hannah hooked up and were kissing because they were love interests now, but Hannah was just being weird about human feelings, kissed Cas in one of those stupid pretend to be eloping to avoid a much more complicated truth scenarios, and ended up noping out because she’d completely skeeved herself out over her behaviour. 

Kelly and Cas are in a super weird place, and Cas is definitely in a place of ambiguous consent and agency, if not outright mind controlled (although I think it’s far more complicated than that) … the narrative at least is that he’s been stolen from the Winchesters, abruptly derailed from both his long term main emotional arc (lack of faith) and short term one (this half of season 12 Dean n Cas nonsense culminating in the mixtape) and that there’s something wrong and bad about this. It doesn’t matter if there’s good as well when it comes to the nephilim - if it turns out it is nurture over nature and it’s not evil or this mysterious future is a good one, EVEN all that, both Kelly and Cas are in a pickle and it’s not their fault and they’re behaving strangely, and at the very least being given massive mood adjustments by the baby, and being pushed around to some end even, as I’ve said, if really both of them were at least half way amenable to it in the first place (Kelly was inclined to love and protect her baby, Cas too had the speech about someone protecting and raising the baby right) they’ve been strong armed into taking on these roles without any of the choice they might have had to choose exactly the same thing, if you get what I mean? There was a 20 second window Cas could have been reasonably talked into doing exactly what the baby ended up making him do anyway, but he was never given a choice. 

Anywho, point is, Dean is our voice of what is reasonable, normal, and right this season, and he thinks Cas has been compromised. I disagree with Dean that Cas has been utterly mind controlled because I think it’s way more insidious than that, but Dean knows Cas and he pointed out for us exactly what everyone who thought Cas was not Cas at the end of 12x19 said.

So if Cas and Kelly kiss, it is not a good situation for them, they’re in a position of poor consent, if not outright lack of reasonable control of their situation, even if it’s just insidious control making them act out some bizarre loving parent fantasy for the baby. (As of 15 minutes into 12x21 Mary’s been told just about everything about her life in long-winded exposition except that she was cupid’d into loving John but why not include a parallel >.>) I doubt no matter how much sympathy and concern Cas has for Kelly, this is a good way for him to meet a love interest and certainly not a way to make anything that happens in the immediate foreseeable future worth anything as a nice story to tell. And after everything between Dean and Cas this year, Kelly was already a sort of usurper to their story after she made off with Cas in the car but it’s just good old subtextual rival love interest stuff, just like Dean/Crowley and Cas/Hannah in the start of season 10.

I highly doubt it’s going to be written assuming we’re meant to like it and will like it. And when that’s intentional it serves a purpose and isn’t screwing with shippers or trying to stomp on Destiel or anything. I mean, this is coming fresh from hearing my mum cry laughing at Crowley looking at his howling at the moon photos on his phone while that tragic song plays in the background, and enjoying all those old parallels fresh again. I might be totally fed up of 12x21 and Buckleming but I am super amused at the show’s romantic subtext fuckery. 

[yupitsbambi]

Wildflower | Lucifer | Heart Ache Mixtape | Part 4

S O N G : ALL I WANTED- Paramore

Hello my doves, I missed you! Welcome to Part 4- where we get a little glance into how you’re doing. Next chapter might be the final one, written from Lucifers perspective. My hearts not going to be able to handle it when they reunite ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6

P L O T: MC had everything they wanted: they’re home, they seem happy, and they have a handsome boy begging to take them out. What more could they need? Even if they’re breaking, it’s probably time to move on, after all.

W O R D C O U N T: 2.5k

W A R N I N G S: missed messages, destructive tendancies, pining over a dickbag, sweet sweet heartache, d r a b b l e, maybe filler, I cannot stop CUSSING

“I had a great night tonight!”

You stared at the text for longer than was probably reasonable. Sighing, you tossed your phone on the counter and shook your head softly, not having the energy to muster up a response right now.

Dylan was great. You had known each other since high school- a friend of a friend who you had met at the occasional party. Apperently, he had joined the hunt with your friends when you had vanished the first time around, and when someone told him you were finally home to stay, he had made the gracious offer to talk you out to dinner as a ‘Welcome Home!’ present.

It had taken some quick talking on your part to make up an explaination for your disappearance (“A spontaneous trip across Europe!”), and even managed to produce an explaination for your incredibly bizzare tattoos. He had listened intently to your stories, and you shared a few laughs about the chaos that had insued after you popped off the face of the earth. He even walked you to your door afterward.

Dylan had taken you out a few times after that- a movie, a trip to the aquarium, a get together with your mutual friends. He was smart, and kind, and made time for you. He actually seemed to want to be around you. Plus, he wasn’t half bad looking.

So why were you still so miserable?

Cracking your knuckles, you prepared yourself settle in for the evening, knowing that aching wasn’t going to be gone anytime soon. Might as well embrace it.

—-

Over the past few months, you had gotten pretty good at moping. You were well studied in it, to say the least.

Changing into your comfiest set of pajamas, you tied your hair away from your face and set about cooking yourself a delicious comfort meal. If there was one thing you didn’t miss about the Devildom it was the deep fried bats and ambiguous seared sea monster. A shiver ran down your spine at the thought.

While you were busy chopping vegetables, it washed over you how eerily empty the apartment felt. A few months after leaving Hell, and you still hadn’t fully adapted to the quietness of it all. No shouting down the hallway or mysterious groaning from ghouls in the attic, no sounds of pots and pans clanging together from the kitchen as Beel “sneakily” hunted for his midnight, 2 am, and 4 am snacks. You still had to sleep with the TV on so the silence didn’t drive you mad.

You pulled up something to watch on your phone, cringing slightly when you realized Dylan had sent a follow up text to your non-existent response.

“Maybe we could grab some drinks at the bar tomorrow with the crew? Everyone would love to see you.”

Ignoring it again, you pulled up some random video and set your sights back on the meal, desperate for anything to divert your attention.

Human world boys were great, but they didn’t hold a candle to what you had.

How could they? You had spent your weekends in extravagant ballrooms, you had fought monsters, and done magic. Your boys in the Devildom could lift you with a single hand, you had been hugged tight while flying across the realm, and don’t even get me started on the difference in bed-

You coughed lightly to clear your mind, trying to stop this runaway train of thoughts before it really got off the rails.

It isn’t fair that I’m stuck here, daydreaming of him, when he probably hasn’t bothered to think of me since the day I packed up my shit and booked it out of that hellhole.

Tossing the vegetables into the sizzling pan, you snorted.

His loss.

—-

After rummaging around for a little while, occupying yourself with nonsense, you tossed yourself onto the couch. You picked up the pint of Ben and Jerry’s you had grabbed from the freezer, stuffed a spoon of delicious comfort into your mouth, pulled up a blanket, and proceeded to rifle through stations.

Was it too much to ask for one thing that was entertaining and brainless enough to take your mind off this heartbreak for five goddamn minutes?

Unfortunately, relief couldn’t be found fast enough, and your mind began to wander. That’s what you get for having cable.

The framed portrait above your TV caught your eye, and your heart jolted. The photo was one of the few you had brought back from the Devildom in your haste- it was a selfie taken by Asmo, in which he had caught a perfect moment of all of you walking through the shops.

Beel had Belphie tucked underneath his arm, a lollipop filling his mouth, popping through his bright smile. Levi had his hood up and looked uncomfortable with being in public, but he flashed a peace sign, followed closely by Satan , who was book shopping in a nearby window. Lucifer was tugging on Mammon’s ear and obviously yelling at him for one of his shenanigans. You were tucked right under Lucifers arm, laughing heartily. You looked so disgustingly happy in that photo...

Your eyes began to sting before you could stop them. The mindless clicking stopped- on what, you had no idea, and you pulled the spoon from your mouth, plopping in haphazardly back into the almost-empty pint.

It wasn’t fucking fair that you had to leave.

They had taken you from your world and shown you something that was as amazing as it was horrifying. You had made friends, you had had a family, and it was all tossed away because some haughty demon couldn’t even find it in himself to say sorry.

You couldn’t help but be furious. You would pay a million Grimm right now just to land him one solid kick to the junk. A choked sob escaped your lips, and you curled deeper into your familiar blanket cacoon.

No matter how angry you were, it was impossible to deny that you missed it. You missed them, and you missed him. No matter how good you seemed to be doing, or how much it felt like you were moving on, you would do anything to have it go back to normal.

Or as normal as it could be when your ex was the eldest Prince of Hell.

After a good cry, a shower, and some sleep, you’d feel better. At least that’s what you told yourself to get the hot tears to stop.

Too tired to deal with the dishes, you slumped deeper into the cushions, listening to the comforting sounds of the television and drifting off to dreams of being home.

Little did you know that in the other room, on your dresser, your DDD was lighting up with incoming messages.

2 missed calls from Lucifer.

3 missed messages.

“I wanted to let you know I found your bracelet. I’m coming to return it to you tomorrow night.”

—-

You blinked your eyes blearily, trying to clear the sleep from your eyes. It was some ungodly hour in the morning- the sun was just starting to break over the horizon, but the inky black night still held on strong.

You wiped your face, removing any crusted tears from your cheeks. Your eyes still felt puffy.

On the TV screen was an old black and white movie. There were two characters- a young, handsome boy, and a pretty girl. He was bugging her about a wish she had made.

“What is it you want, Mary? Is it the moon?” He pointed at the sky, and they both looked up dreamily. He glanced back at her. “Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.”

A memory flashed through your skull like a firecracker, before you could bury it down.

You glanced through the windows that lined the streets in the market, eagerly eating up the sites and sounds that the town had to offer. It was a warm summer night in the Devildom, and a breeze rushed through your hair, tossing it loosely into your face.

You had just come with Lucifer to get some groceries, but he had walked you through the shops on your way there. He knew how much you liked to see the new goodies they had put on display. Each store was entirely unique from anything you could see in the human world.

Something shiny had caught your eye. In one of the display windows was the most gorgeous necklace you had ever seen- a delicate piece lined with glittering diamonds, and a perfect, glittering ruby right at the heart of it. The Devildom had access to the most gorgeous jewels in the world, being underground, and you had seen many before, but something about the elegance of the necklace took your breath away.

Lucifer noticed your attention had been caught immediately. Turning to see what it was that had caused you to pause, he smiled softly. You had fine taste.

“Like what you see?”

You jumped, not realizing Lucifer had crept up behind you and leaned down to whisper in your ear. Blushing deeply, you turned away so he couldn’t see you were embarrassed at having been caught.

“It’s a gorgeous necklace, no need to be ashamed, my little dove,” he laughed heartily, using a gentle finger to lift your face up to look at it, again. “You see that sign next to it? You know what they call that ruby?”

Eyes darting, you read it swiftly, then smiled softly to yourself. His pride was showing.

“‘Lucifer’s heart,’” you read, turning to face him. He grinned down at you, and you cocked an eyebrow back up at him, mischievousness flashing across your features. “Too bad,” you cooed, running your finger across his lapel. “It’s not nearly as black as the real thing.”

He rolled his eyes, but caught your chin with his knuckle. A new smirk formed, almost as mischievous as yours had been. “You want it?”

For a moment, your brain didn’t process what he said. You gaped at him.

“That sign didn’t even say how much it was, Lucifer. It’s probably like a billion dollars! I’ve seen mansions worth less than that necklace.”

He only smiled at you, leaning close to place a kiss on your cheek. “Mmm… I know,” he mumbled, then kissed the other. Your brain was starting to melt, the way it always did around Lucifer. “But you’re worth it, dove.” He pressed his forehead against yours, gazing at you softly.

“So… what do you want?” He leaned in again, pressing his warm lips against yours. “You could ask for the world, my dear, and I’d give it to you. Just say the word and it’s yours.”

You groaned as he kissed you again, taking a deep breath when you came up for air. “Eel heart penne.”

“What?!” He asked, obviously perturbed by your announcement. His eyebrow cinched in confusion, but you just flashed a knowing smile at him.

“That’s what I want. For dinner. I’m starving.” He blinked at you a few times, and you could see the gears tutoring behind his eyes.

“You’d rather have eel heart penne then a priceless diamond necklace?”

“Mhm,” you grinned at him. He pinched the bridge of his nose. You grabbed his arm and started to tug him away from the marketplace and toward the grocery store. “Let’s get going already!”

“I will never understand humans. You could have everything you want in front of you, and you’d be too afraid to ask for it.”

You tilted your head back to look at him. “But that’s why you love me, right?”

You clicked the TV off.

Gathering up your blankets, you stared thoughtfully for a moment at the framed picture again, before deciding ‘Fuck it’ and grabbing it too. You picked your phone up from where it had been abandoned on the counter, and stared at it thoughtfully for a moment.

Dylan was everything you could ask for in someone from the human world. You had to accept the fact that you weren’t going to be going home, bite the bullet, and move on. He wasn’t going to wait around for you to mope over your ex forever.

Not caring that it was way too early to be texting someone, you jotted out a message about how you’d love to go to the bars tonight. It was probably a good idea for you to leave your Cave of Sadness once in a while, anyway.

Snuggling up in your bed, you held the portrait close to your chest. The memory from earlier was still circling around your head like a broken record.

I wish we could start over.

The thought of his sideways smile made your heart feel like it was crumbling in your chest.

“What do you want?” His voice crooned in your ear.

I never wanted the damn necklace, you thought slowly, your mind floating closer to sleep. Memories played through your mind of the times when he had cared for you when you were sick, when he had scooped you up and carried you to your room after falling asleep on the couch, when he nearly strangled a demon to death who had had the gall to try and touch you in front of him. Maybe he never really loved you... but sometimes it sure felt like he did.

All I really wanted, your final thoughts drifted,

...was you.

——

A warm breeze brushed past Lucifer when he materialized onto the mortal plane. He pushed his hair back from his forehead with a sigh.

In his pocket, your bracelet jangled, tucked in tightly next to a note with your address scribbled on it in neat, tidy handwriting.

“This will probably be a shitshow,” he grumbled, stepping off the pedestal and starting towards the city.

His pact mark glowed softly, reminding him he was close. It would only be a matter of hours before he’d be at your doorstep. You would probably pitch a fit-(he could already hear you hollering: “How dare you show up on my doorstep! Catch hands, asshole!”) but he was ready to dodge and weave.

He wasn’t leaving Earth until you were by his side again. No matter what.

—-

Thank you for reading Wildflower!! It’s been so much fun to have you on this journey with me. This might have been a little bit of a filler, but next chapter is the climax, at last!! I hope you enjoyed and I’ll see you soon <3- Bambi

Taglist: @despairgamer @toomanyhusbandosandwaifus

[fourteenacross]

2016 in Review

I’ve done these stupid surveys every year for the past ten years and I don’t care if LJ is dead, I’m gonna keep doing them.

The writing one is still in progress because it involves a lot of linking and thoughtful responses. Below are Fandom in 2016 and Life in 2016, mostly for my own records.

Fandom 2016

1. Your main fandom of the year?

Oh god, this has a different answer for the first time in five years, but definitely Hamilton? Up until SM, the only fannish words I wrote this year were Hamilton, most of the shit I reblogged on Tumblr was Hamilton...jesus, it’s like 2004 up in this joint.

2. Your favorite film watched this year? This is really difficult. Um, probably Ghostbusters because it blew me away and was totally unexpected as a favorite. I knew I’d probably like it, but not necessarily six-times-in-theatres level of liking.

Runners up are The Conjuring 2, which would have won without Ghostbusters, and Moana, which I found surprisingly moving and would probably see six more times without getting bored.

3. Your favorite book read this year? I’m gonna say Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older, which is an amazing modern urban fantasy set in Brooklyn about an afro-latina teenager who discovers she’s part of an old spiritual order that can channel spirits into art. IT’S SO GOOD? But I will say that The Diviners by Libba Bray and the Six of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo were neck and neck with it right up until I made my final list for our WBS year-end episode. The best middle grade book I read was George by Alex Gino.

4. Your favorite album or song to listen to this year? I honestly am not sure that I listened to any “new” albums outside of The Hamilton Mixtape this year? I spent the start of the year listening to Hamilton and Great Comet non-stop, then listened to every Dar song in order and all of the 69 Love Songs in order for a couple months...but yeah, the only ~*~new~*~ thing I can think of is The Hamilton Mixtape.

5. Your favorite TV show of the year? Prooooobably Brooklyn Nine-Nine? Or maybe the end of Gravity Falls. 

6. Your favorite online fandom community of the year? idk. To be honest, I still don’t quite ~*~get~*~ tumblr (tho I had some nice conversations via the chat function, despite my general awkwardness as a human), LJ is dead, and while I connect with fandom friends and talk about fandom on Twitter, I don’t do that as much as I whine about my life. I guess AO3 has been great via comments received, but that also feels one-sided, as chatty cathy as I sometimes get when responding to people’s comments. Most of my fandom conversations this year have PROBABLY been over text? 

7. Your best new fandom discovery of the year? I’m trying to think if there was anything new I was super into? Maybe Six of Crows, which I talked about a lot and read a couple fics for?

8. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year? X-Men: Apocalypse, for sure. Man, after DoFP, I had SUCH HIGH HOPES for XMA, which was totally my own fault. Every time someone made a comment about how weird something looked or how dumb something sounded I rolled my eyes, because they had done the exact same thing for DoFP, which was AMAZING. But, uh...this time they were all right. The more I thought about the movie, the more it fell apart for me. 

9. Your TV boyfriend of the year? Strictly teevee,  probably...idk, Luke Cage?

10. Your TV girlfriend of the year? I don’t watch SNL regularly, but can I cheat and say Kate McKinnon?

11. Your biggest squee moment of the year? Seeing Hamilton. Seeing Great Comet. Ghostbusters. 

12. The most missed of your old fandoms? I really missed the joy I got from DoFP when I was watching XMA :(

13. The fandom you haven’t tried yet, but want to? I’m p mono-fannish, so I’m good for now.

14. Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year? Going to Chicago in May! Heroes! DragonCon! WBS liveshow! Maybe other things! I don’t know, I haven’t planned that much of the year yet!

***

General 2016

What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before? Voted for a woman for President. Went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Um...probably other stuff too? Gosh, I don’t know, I’m so boring.

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

+ Make a writing schedule and stick to it Did not do this. Like, at all. I got maybe a week on schedule over the course of the whole year /o\

+ Go on more dates Yes! I did do this! None of them really went anywhere, but I went on a whole bunch!

+ Get into the cooking habit and stay there Ish? I got better about making lunches for the week, but I wasn’t super consistent with it. Another thing to try in 2017.

+ Read more I did do this! Sort of! I didn’t keep super good track of it and I was mostly trying to read more adult books and I failed MISERABLY at that.

For 2017: + Read more adult books + Keep track of good things that happen + Make a writing schedule and try to stick to it for at least a month + Be better with money--pay off half the credit card + Go on more dates

Did anyone close to you give birth? Joni had a baby! It was so weird! One of us grew a tiny human! He’s ADORABLE.

Did anyone close to you die? My (step)grandfather.

What countries did you visit? Just this one! But within this one I went to...Charlotte, ATL, Orlando, Arkansas...and, you know, the Northeast in general.

What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? I'd like to feel more on top of things. I'd like more organization in my life. I'd like more sleep. I'd like a girlfriend.

What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 8, not for good reasons, unfortunately. May 21 (Hamilton, Hadestown), November 12 (Great Comet), stuff like Heroes and DCon. 

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing the goddamn ghosthunters fic, HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?

What was your biggest failure? idk what my biggest PERSONAL failure was, but I certainly know what my biggest failure as an American was :\

Did you suffer illness or injury? Brain stuff, some colds, and I broke my foot.

What was the best thing you bought? Great Comet tickets, plane tickets to visit various people. My dumb Silhouette machine that I love. Tiny John Laurens and The Washingtonians, both of which are within my sightline. This fuzzy blanket.

Whose behavior merited celebration? My friends. A lot of excellent activists.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The American people as a whole and everything associated with our clusterfuck election outcome.

Where did most of your money go? Grown-up type stuff (rent, utilities, groceries), cons, and travel.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? HeroesCon, DragonCon, Hamilton, Hadestown, Great Comet, The Conjuring 2, finishing the ghosthunters.

What song will always remind you of 2016? I mean, mostly just The Hamilton Mixtape, probably.

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Uh. Up until November I would have said “happier,” but currently I’m definitely sadder and more anxious. b) thinner or fatter? Same. c) richer or poorer? Same.

What do you wish you'd done more of? Writing. Sleeping. Hanging out with people.

What do you wish you'd done less of? Being depressed. Obsessing over stupid shit people said on the internet.

Did you fall in love in 2016? With this fuzzy blanket.

What was your favorite TV program? Brooklyn Nine-Nine!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Many, many people. THANKS, POLITICS.

What was the best book you read? Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older. See above for more details.

What was your greatest musical discovery? Nothing really new, tbh.

What did you want and get? Cons, brunch, travel, Great Comet tickets.

What did you want and not get? A female President. A girlfriend. More sleep.

What was your favorite film of this year? Spy or Star Wars or Jurassic World, I guess?

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31! The weekend before, me and @pearlo​ and @cygnaut​ and @littledust​ saw XMA a couple times! And Laura and Erica and I went to the Gardner and then I had a party and people mostly hung out and played Drawful and drank a lot of champagne. On my actual birthday, @ginthusiastic​ and I just went out for dinner after work and I had a drink that was the same color as my dress.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A different election outcome. Literally anything. A box turtle could be our president and I’d be happy.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? Retro-y dresses.

What kept you sane? @ginthusiastic @pearlo @caphairdadbeard @isjustprogress @intrikate88 @anachronistique @lisapizza @charmingpplincardigans @brilligspoons  and the rest of the Boston crew whose tumblrs I don’t know/remember, and the DCon crew and The Hamilton Mixtape and theatre and the cast of Hamilton and crime show marathons.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I have a Daveed Diggs problem. And an unfortunate swing crush on Morgan Marcell. And Kate McKinnon was A THING that happened. And Jasmine exists and also Stephanie Beatiz and XMA was a bust, but Sophie Turner was A+.

What political issue stirred you the most? Gee, I wonder.

Who did you miss? Pretty much everyone when they are not right next to me. Sarah Bay, a lot, but I feel weird singling one person out. [This is exactly what I wrote for the last two years, but I'm keeping it because it's still true.]

Who was the best new person you met? I’m trying to think of actualfax new people I met? Boston Maja is the only IRL person who comes to mind immediately? Oh, and I met Ellen at DCon? Online-wise, I met a slew of great folks through Hamilton-related crap and you’re all lovely 💜

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016: I’m still not sure what the lesson from the ‘16 election is. Don’t trust polls? People are more misogynistic than you think? People are more racist than you think? I don’t know. I guess I’m still learning it.

Quote a song that sums up your year: I am the one thing in life I can control

Maybe THAT’S the lesson of 2016. idk, man.

[airadam]

Episode 133 : The Struggle Continues

"Why you think Bobby and Huey P were heat holding?"

- Toki Wright

It's been a very up and down month, which I imagine isn't at all a unique experience. This episode reflects some of that, marking the eleventh birthday of the podcast while also recognising the incredible Black Lives Matter street protests that have been taking place over the last few weeks. The selection takes that as the main theme, and I think it's a solid mix that you'll enjoy - and one where almost everyone will learn one new track at least.

By the way, today would be a good day to arrest the murderers who killed Breonna Taylor.

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Cappadonna : Splish Splash

I'd been thinking about doing that little doubles manipulation and scratch on a mixtape for about twenty years - no exaggeration! Cappadonna blew everyone away with his debut on Ghostface's "Winter Warz", and his debut LP "The Pillage" was highly anticipated by Wu fans. I think it's reasonable to say it maybe didn't live up to the outsized expectations, but there were a few standouts and for me, this was one of them. Only a short track, but Tru Master's beat is solid and Cappa knows what to do with it.

Jay Dee : Fuck The Police (Instrumental)

Love this beat, Dilla had these drums banging right through the speakers. This 2001 single-only release is a classic in Dilla's catalogue, written after suffering one of many incidents of police harassment in his hometown of Detroit. It was slated for the long-shelved "The Diary" album, but MCA records didn't want the heat and so it got the release as a 12" on  Up Above Records. A must-have, in my opinion!

N.W.A : Fuck Tha Police

The iconic anthem. This is the track that got a group of young (Eazy-E, at 25, was the oldest) Black men from Compton and Los Angeles onto the radar of the FBI, and into an indelible place in music history. I've only played Ice Cube's verse here, as I wanted to blend into the next cut which carries on in the same sonic vein. I figure every listener already knows this track well, or should be putting "listen to Straight Outta Compton" on their homework lists immediately!

B.Dolan ft. Toki Wright, Jasiri X, and Sage Francis : Film The Police 

I only stumbled upon this one this month, and it's so perfectly fitting that there's no way it was getting left out of the selection. Just because of the length (it's around six minutes long, as is the NWA track before), I omitted Jasiri X's verse, but of course it's on the full version on the "House of Bees, Vol. 2" album. Dolan is an MC out of Rhode Island, while Toki Wright is from Minneapolis - home of the late George Floyd. This is a great re-working of "Fuck The Police" in an era-appropriate way; while almost all of us walk around with pocket video cameras today, the Rodney King tape was notable not for the violence, but the fact it was recorded.

EPMD : Give The People (Remix)

The original version of this track as heard on "Business As Usual" lifts the groove from the O'Jays "Give The People What They Want" heavily, but this version de-emphasises it and piles in enough other samples to give a lawyer a heart attack! I personally prefer this mix, which is a bit less obvious (and harder to find). Lyrically, the track is primarily about the difficulties Hip-Hop had finding acceptance in the era in which it was recorded, but with a sprinkling of the wider politics in there, and the perfect title, I thought it was a good one to go with.

The P Brothers : Across The Planet (Instrumental)

This track turned up for me while undertaking my vinyl digitisation project, and with The P Brothers, the quality is always going to be there. The veteran Nottingham crew are responsible for some of the most uncompromising material ever to emerge from these shores, and this track is no exception. The vocal version on the 12" single features Imam T.H.U.G on the mic, with a heavy Cappo track on the flip. The Akala sample I laid over the top came from his brilliant two-part IG Live session which you can find here and here.

Above The Law : Freedom Of Speech

The 1990 "Livin' Like Hustlers" LP is arguably one of the greatest "gangsta" albums of the era, and some of that was because they comfortably covered different topics and sounds without it ever sounding forced. Uptempo here - by modern standards - Cold 187um and KMG (RIP) ride a classic Myra Barnes sample (it's out there, I'm not snitching) and talk about the atmosphere of censorship that was around Hip-Hop, as well as the role of parents. Definitely check the album if you don't already know it.

Saigon : Shok TV

Dug this DJ Shok-produced cut out from its place on "The Best of Saigon, Pt. 2" to take a position in this month's selection, "Hill Street Blues" sample and all! Saigon has always had a social/political streak in his content, coming from a very street perspective, which I think comes across in this very short track. A 2003 recording, this preceded his long-awaited debut LP by eight years - when you listen to both, you can hear how he refined his style without drastically changing it.

Apple Juice Kid : Protest

A fitting pick from an album about a very different revolution, in Egypt in 2011 - seems an age ago already. The "Beats of a Revolution" album is still available on Bandcamp, and as a free download you really can't go wrong.

Anderson .Paak : Lockdown

Big new single that captures so much of what's been going on this year. The Black Lives Matter protests and the violent reply of the state would have been incredibly significant on their own, but at the same time as the coronavirus pandemic...your grandchildren will be asking you about what it was like to survive these times. This timely track is one where it's worth seeing the video as well.

Mobb Deep : U.S.A. (Aiight Then)

It's been three years since Prodigy passed so I totally wanted to drop one of his records here - my first thought was "Real Power Is People", but in the end this quasi-unity track from "Murda Muzik" was a better sonic fit. It's actually got a little bit of a club feel to it without pandering, and was definitely a welcome inclusion on the LP. This was also a single release with "Spread Love" on the flip, which is pretty much the other end of the goodwill spectrum, don't be fooled by the title...

Sampa The Great : Final Form

"The Return" is a wicked album with an array of styles, but this was the first track many would have heard - Sampa stamping her authority on a beat based around the same break as Ghostface's "Be Easy". Silentjay is on production, taking that sample as a base but building out from there, and Sampa gets very busy with it.

X-Vandals : A Poem For Black Boys

I happened across the "The War of Art" album when I got it from one of the crew in Spanish Harlem at a Tools of War park jam a good few years back! It's taken me a while to find just the right spot for one of their tracks, but this is perfect. The production is courtesy of Johnny "Juice" Rosado (who did scratches for Public Enemy for many years), and the bulk of the vocal is a sample he laid in - the voice and words of the poet Nikki Giovanni, with a dark and sardonic poem of resistance.

Ta'Raach : Yeah! (Instrumental)

It's been a long, long time since I played the vocal version on the show, so I think it's fair enough to drop Ta'Raach's ill instrumental here! If you see a copy of the 12", definitely pick it up.

Public Enemy : State Of The Union (STFU)

Unless I'm very much mistaken, this new single is the first beat DJ Premier has ever done for Public Enemy - two iconic forces combining at last! It should be obvious for anyone who knows about PE at all that conscious and rebel music has been their lane from the very start, and so this is very much in keeping with their long and storied history. Chuck D may be very much an elder statesman but that voice and that message are as raw as ever! You don't need to go to the usual download sites to get this one - go straight to the Public Enemy website for the real.

Waajeed ft. Tiombe Lockhart : The Overtaking

Detroit comes to the selection a second time (after Ta'Raach) with the ominous opening track from the excellent "The War LP". It grinds along with almost a slow dark metal vibe, and Tiombe Lockhart creeps in and out as the voice of the people.

DJ Vadim ft. Phi-Life Cypher : Ghetto Rebels

I had completely forgotten about this one, and I don't know how, because this is killer. The basslines (there are several, at different points) will have your system under pressure, then Phi-Life just drown you in a lyrical tidal wave. It's unusual to hear Hip-Hop coming from a Rasta perspective, but you can definitely hear it in their words. DJ Vadim's "U.S.S.R. The Art of Listening" features some very serious production, and is available used for a very reasonable price either as a download or on the used market on CD.

Gang Starr : Riot Akt

Tucked away on the back half of "The Ownerz", the last Gang Starr LP to be released during Guru's lifetime, we find this dose of reality. Guru's message of focusing on the real threats and drawing together to protect the community may have been written in 2003, but is 100% on the nose right now. Everything down to the militarised police, tear gas, and corruption are the things that have been the case for years, but in the last few months we've seen them in HD and on social media.

Enes Suleman : Lo Quiero Todo (Instrumental)

From the instrumental version of the "StreetSoul", the Spanish producer out of France comes with a banging beat - check the original LP release to hear it with the featured MC Drako on the track.

The Impressions : We're A Winner

An uplifting, motivational song to close the month, and one which was an anthem of the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s. This pre-dates tracks like James Brown's "Say It Loud", and was a trailblazer in being as straightforward a statement of Black pride and the righteousness of the struggle as it is. Curtis Mayfield, the frontman of The Impressions, wrote this track after the concept came to him in a dream. When it came time to record, the group  brought a live audience into the studio to give it extra flavour - I think you'll agree, it really adds something. This was a big single that was also the title track to the first of two 1968 albums by The Impressions, and deserves to be heard in full here.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[elizabethrobertajones]

I feel a little awkward about people proclaiming Dean slamming Cas into a wall romantic, no matter the provocation or the fact that Cas is an angel. Violence is NOT romantic. Dean packing an angel blade because he's angry is horrifying. Cas letting Dean do this to him because he "deserves" punishment? My god, does noone understand what this sound like? This is shit Dean needs to work on, like the anger issues and verbal abuse issues, not something to be romanticised.

Yeah, it’s not great, but I feel like the show actually thinking about how violent it is last of anything it ever might address, so what can you do except write a disclaimer every time you end up discussing it that you don’t approve, and if you’re discussing it (or, especially the crypt scenes which had a ton more problematic tropes if you take away the mind control and magic) that you’re looking at basically everything but the violence as a point of interest and it’s an unfortunate way it meant the show put such and such a line in or whatever >.> 

I think a lot of the excitement is the tension and physical closeness (which helps that we know the actors are doing it and that there’s no real threat there and a lot of people would be perfectly happy just that Jensen and Misha did a wall slamming scene and that’s what they enjoy when they reblog gifs of it)… I don’t think there’s anything romantic about what Dean did - it’s not even like the crypt scenes which use a power of love made them stop thing which is really problematic when you take away that only because it’s fictional and they were ACTUALLY mind controlled and not responsible for their actions that that’s even half not the worst thing ever to do… It’s just Dean went to go fight Cas because he was pissed off and technically they do fight a lot of things that are causing harm and Cas going rogue to them is still a possibility they might not like to think about but 6x20 still probably haunts Dean of what exactly sort of cosmic force of nature is he giving mixtapes too anyway and how very very bad is it that it ends up being the antagonist like, almost every other year of their lives even while also being their BFF, which just makes things confusing. 

Dean starts referring to Cas’s feathery ass again which is something he does when pissed at him - Cas is all human and cute when he’s harmless and Dean’s worried or affectionate. But when Dean is pissed off Cas suddenly is an angel again in his language, and at times especially earlier on he used the same language about Cas he would use interchangeably about someone like, say, Uriel, who he hated and picked on all the things like “junkless” and so on… Dean getting like that is him remembering that Cas is not human, and could be as unpredictable and dangerous and taking inhuman approaches to things, that it’s not safe to think of him as a nerdy little guy, but to remember what they’re really dealing with, and as hunters, that means something that is potentially dangerous enough to hunt, and also it’s personally how he’s hurt Dean… 

For what it’s worth I think Dean was making a pretty horrifying display packing the angel blade, but when it came down to it, no matter how betrayed he feels he wouldn’t use it on Cas - he didn’t want to kill him in 6x20 or after - when Sam stabs Cas in 6x22 Dean actually mouths “No!” even though all logic would say Sam did the right thing there.

But I would bet though that people are kind of using a difference between “romantic” and “romanticising” like they don’t think there’s any romantic gesture or point to it like this is a way Dean shows he loves Cas (even with his anger born of worry born of love issues which is a whole other thing I was talking about earlier today at great length so I won’t go into it) but they are enjoying the shoving around - again, because it’s a lot more fun and safe when it’s actors doing it and when you take it out of context it might be fun wall slamming…

although side note about fanfic etc, I utterly can’t stand Cas in “fun” wall slamming situations etc where he’s the slam-ee, precisely because he makes that face like he thinks he deserves it and is just going to take whatever happens to him when it happens in canon and that’s depressing and horrible and I can’t un-see it ever… Cas getting passive and self-defeating in pretty much any fight with anyone drains any fun out of the idea he’d enjoy it playing around… It makes me feel sick and sad and horrified on his behalf because of how he reacts and I can never get past that exact thing, even with totally fanon AU Cas, with none of this baggage, because I just see him making those sad defeated faces… Not that the reverse of this scene in 5x18 is any better for saying anything about Dean, but in less high-tension situations like when he’s being manhandled by cops he only feels lightly threatened/mostly amused by, he seems to have a lot more fun with it :P Using 5x18 to say anything about Dean is just as unrepresentative, even if he DOES have a ton of fun wall slamming history, just not with Cas, like that. There’s plenty of other stuff in canon about how submissive Dean is without needing that gif… Like where he just admits he wants to be slapped around in bed or wants sexy rules or whatever. He doesn’t make it difficult to headcanon and he’s talking about wanting fun consensual sex in those moments :P I don’t think Cas has anything like it on his side (if anything he was compared to the pizza man who did the spanking >.>) and so anything where Cas is shoved around or gets that despairing passive look in his eyes I just can’t ever see him enjoying messing around getting in a similar headspace for fun, so I personally really don’t get anyone enjoying that side of it because Cas is in such a depressing place with this in the show >.> Idk if this is an unpopular opinion or not because at least in my experience of just following meta blogs and seeing fic recs etc second, it seems like a favoured dynamic anyway. About the gifs of these scenes and fanon though - I know a lot of people have fun with it out of context (e.g. “what if it was Cas shoving Dean against a wall because they were about to have sex”) and it just kinda looks bad without disclaimers which people might think were obvious they’re enjoying out of context because if they WERE asked they’d immediately say well duh the scenes were bad in context but that’s not what we’re enjoying here, or they actually have an interest in the whump factor of them getting beat up, but that’s something entirely out of my ability to talk about at this point, because I’m depressingly vanilla and boring about it all :P

Aaaanyway idk I’m not the best person to talk to about this because I don’t have a great deal of IRL experience to draw on for sensitivity about how to handle this except to say, obviously threatening to kill and shoving around your friends is not a good way to show love, and I also take that fact for granted when talking about it (so apologies if you were directing any of this message at me because it only occurred to me now, that you might not have been talking about the fandom in general, because I have been taking for granted that anything I say about this, I’m making a fairly horrified face about things like Dean packing an angel blade to meet Cas or shoving him around and I’d ASSUME that’s the normal reaction, except apparently people are romanticising it so NOT saying anything is playing into a bigger problem? Idk. >.>)

I haven’t really been on  my dash much since the episode so I don’t know how everyone’s really reacting, but I wonder how much of the discussion is also running away with ideas relating to these scenes, while taking for granted the main details are pretty crappy and it shouldn’t be treated as romantic per say, but come across wrong for not putting a disclaimer. The crypt scene discourse after 10x22 made me really hyper aware of that and how people who were most critical of or affected by this behaviour were seeing so much more of people supposedly romanticising it even though these people were just really not taking care to say of course they weren’t and to pick their language more carefully and not get over excited about meta textual reasons to reblog the gifs and so on, and I remember that it sort of came with a lot of snide hater anon messages to some blogs that this is why people hate Destiel/Destiel shippers because of all the romanticising abuse, it’s a horrible ship, etc etc, and even people who’d been really upset by that scene who then moved on to talk about other stuff aside from how Cas got attacked, were in danger of having this accusation about stuff they said… I don’t know. Fandom is a difficult space to navigate, and there are toxic sides to it, and people enjoying things in ways which other people might think they shouldn’t, when it’s not really their place to say HOW they enjoy it, but it’s all such a mix eventually wires cross… it makes me hesitant to go around saying everyone’s doing such and such romanticising a thing because it tends to be more complicated and weird and maybe there’s not such a great pool of people uncritically doing the thing that everyone is being accused of in a blanket statement. I’m now thinking I’ve said at least 2 of the things you mentioned, but I meant them in the way that I was horrified by what I saw and thought it would be obvious this was my reaction, but at this point I wonder how clear it was, and also how dangerous is it to ever open your mouth in a fandom space >.>