#god I’m so happy to be bisexual. I love men

[localcryptic]

“don’t make me regret this.”

thought about chargestep too hard and blacked out. here’s the moment before ripley (he/him) and ricardo’s first kiss. only took 7 years of pining. bon appetit.

closeup under the cut 😋

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 97)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (73) / Alexia Putellas x Character (49)

Masterlist (other parts here)

((4.1k))

Due to popular demand, I'm going to post a chapter every Sunday night until we hit Part 100!

ALEXIA POV

“Are we sure..?” Alexia asked.

The trio nodded. She clicked ‘post.’ It was a simple thing, an Instagram story with photos of their time away together. There was the plane with Alexia flying, the tiramisu featuring Ridley’s hands, the beach with their hut and both an almost naked Ridley and little Chiquito in the distance, Chiquito sitting on a table with this tail curled around over top of his paws, both of the photos of Alexia with the floating lanterns, and her kissing Ridley.

It was a post she’d never thought she’d get to put on social media, as much as she wanted to. And the only thing making her uncomfortable was the caption that was agreed on by Ridley, Duce and Beckett.

It was written in Spanish first, and then English.

*Our little paradise. London here we come.*

Her phone began buzzing almost immediately. Messages started flooding in. Comments. Likes. Support.

YFN liked your post.

Jenni Hermoso commented on your post: Whaaaat? I’m not sure which is more surprising, the girlfriend or the cat. Call me.

Mapi León liked your post.

Lucy Bronze MBE liked your post.

Lucy Bronze MBE commented on your post: Double date? *food emoji*

Ingrid Engen liked your post.

YFN commented on your post: Well this has just made my entire month *red heart emoji* love you both!

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes and smile as she put her phone down. She truly had amazing friends.

But in the back of her mind, it made her uneasy knowing that someone who wanted Ridley dead would read it. She tried to take the positive with the negative.

She and Ridley were now officially public. She’d been monitoring Ridley’s expression, worried she’d find regret, though there was none. Her expression seemed to reflect Alexia’s own. Happiness.

The plane journey was over ten hours so they ate dinner and shortly after, both Duce and Beckett fell asleep on the large couches in the main area. They seemed at peace for once. No one could hurt them in the sky. She saw their hands extended towards one enough and pondered at it. One look at Ridley’s expression and she confirmed that they were, in fact, a thing.

Ridley pulled blankets up over them and led Alexia to the bedroom. Immediately inside, her back hit the wall as Ridley’s mouth came down on hers.

“Fuck, Lee.” She moaned into her.

Where it came from, she didn’t know. But she wasn't complaining.

Ridley’s hand worked its way up her shirt and slide under her bra, her thumb stroking across her nipple. Alexia couldn’t help rocking her hips forwards into her. She bit her lip in return, tugging it.

“Lex.. I need something from you.” She managed to get out in between their hungry mouths.

Alexia returned them before she responded. She grabbed Ridley by the hair and pushed into her but god, was she strong.

“Anything…” she moaned. “Anything.”

They kissed more, their hands wandering and feeling as many things as possible. Alexia loved all of Ridley but in particular her back. Those strong shoulders. Her abs. And her goddamned face.

Ridley’s hands moved over Alexia’s footballer muscles that she loved so much. Alexia’s thighs, her ass, and also her neck.

“Alexia,” she murmured into her neck. Her breathing was a little distorted. Was Ridley nervous?

“Tell me…” Alexia said, taking her face between her hands. “Tell me what you need.”

“I need you to fuck me, Alexia.”

Alexia stopped dead, realising exactly what she was asking. It was not a new fact that Ridley was bisexual. She’d had sex with men before. She’d taken her fingers. But she’d never not been in control. Not since… an incident in high school where she’d not had a choice. A discussion they’d had on the island..

Their equal sex was different. Ridley had never been in a submissive position.

Right now, she was asking for that. She was asking for Alexia to be that dominant person she could be. La Reina.

“You want that?” She whispered.

“Only with you.”

The level of trust in her eyes melted Alexia. She wanted to cry. But that was superseded by that dominant side of her. She kissed her and nodded into her lips. “Stop me at any time.”

Ridley didn’t need to respond, but she knew she heard her. Alexia shoved her back against the opposite wall, hard. Her mouth landed on hers needily and Ridley just… accepted it.

Another wall lowered. Another piece of Ridley opening up to her.

Alexia pulled the shirt over her head, dragging her sports bra with it. She kissed her way down her neck, savouring her way down to her chest and took one of her nipples into her mouth, sucking. This was one of Ridley's favourite things.

Ridley groaned, her hand fisting the back of Alexia’s hair while her other, injured hand braced on the door. Alexia worked her like that until Ridley was fidgeting, and then lowered to her knees, dragging her remaining clothes down off her. This wasn’t new, as she was so used to and comfortable being naked. The new thing was the lack of decision making. The laying there and taking it. Alexia leant forward, kissing her core and rising, trailing her fingers up the insides of her thighs. When she reached her mouth, she dipped her fingers between her folds to that glorious warm, wetness as her lips parted on hers.

“Bed, Lee.”

Ridley wandered naked to the bed, Alexia admiring her ass before turning and ensuring the door was locked, placing her shoes in front of it.

Just like Ridley liked. It was peace of mind.

Nothing about their sex was generic or mechanical. Ridley needed to be comfortable and loved to be put into the position she was and be happy with it. And so, for what felt like hours, they rolled around, kissing and touching. Tasting and rubbing. Everything possible that was more than sex. It was intimacy.

Only when both she and Ridley were perfectly ready did Alexia slip the strap in. It’s something she’d said she would do to her before, though she never though she’d be able to like this.

Ridley was on her back, her legs raised slightly, head dropped back as Alexia’s hips moved between her legs. Her knees were braced like the many, many times she’d done it before, though now it was different. Ridley didn’t want to be fucked. She wanted to be loved. She needed to feel her there. Alexia knew that which is why she let her body slide along her as she moved with a steady pace.

She didn’t watch her. Didn’t assert dominance. Alexia simply placed her head on her shoulder and cherished the feel of their bodies slipping back and forth over each other as she fucked her.

Ridley is mine.

Ridley is mine.

She kissed her as she moved in her; kissing her neck, shoulder, jaw, wherever she could reach.

When the wet sound of Ridley’s body started to sound like they were tightening, she double her efforts, bracing and quickening the pace slightly. She didn’t need it fast; she’d realised over their times together. She just needed it reliably, and towards the end, hard.

God, the sound of Alexia’s hips slapping into Ridley would be something she’d never forget.

She didn’t make many sounds, though she hadn’t expected her to beyond the gasping in between thrusts.

“Please don’t stop.” Ridley begged in admission.

“Never. I love you.” Alexia responded, her mouth now against her ear. “I love you, Ridley. I’m not going anywhere. I love you.”

“Al…Ale. Lex. Fuck. Fuck me.”

Hearing Ridley beg broke her. She needed this. No one could give her this except Alexia.

Her body was burning, but she loved it. She’d never stop for anything. Never. The sounds of the strap fucking in and out of her. The rising sound of Ridley’s ragged breathing and gasping as she held on. The knowledge of the barrier that they’d just crossed.

A few more minutes of reliable fucking later, and Ridley was coming hard under her letting out a strangled cry. Alexia felt her body tensing shortly after at the sound of her alone.

Two bodies convulsing together.

Tightening together.

Coming down together.

She took the strap out as soon as she was able, knowing that’s what she would have wanted. Alexia dropped it to the floor and moved up the bed, pulling Ridley’s head to her chest.

She didn’t say anything, but she didn't have to.

Alexia kissed and stroked her hair as they fell asleep.

The feeling of fingertips stroking up and down her lat woke Alexia. She woke to realise that she was still holding Ridley’s head to her chest where she was lying silently, her eyes open and thinking. When she realised Alexia was awake, she tilted her head back to look at her.

She was worried for a second that she’d find regret or shame, but she found none of those. Instead, those favourite dark eyes of hers were… peaceful. Calm. Pondering over other things. Alexia tucked a strand of her dark hair behind her ear, the pad of her thumb trailing around the outside of it, over her piercings. Ridley loved her hair stroked like that. Her eyes fluttered closed when Alexia’s hand pulled back and stroked again through her hair, her nails dragging over her scalp and sending shivers down her spine. She did that a few more times until her body twitched itself like it did when she was always close to falling asleep.

“We’ll be landing… in an hour…” she managed to mumble out sleepily.

“We have time to sleep a little more…”

“Mmn.” Was the only response she got from the Australian. A few strokes later and she was back asleep, the worries that she was pondering were gone. Alexia kept stroking until she knew she was fast asleep, and then rested her cheek on her head, letting herself drift off as she held the person she loved most in the world.

After a sappy shower and they watched each other unfortunately put their clothes back on, they rejoined the others in the main cabin. Ridley took Alexia up into the cockpit to greet the pilots and showed her the cockpit setup, pointing out all of the differences and similarities to the other aircraft they’d flown together. After that, they settled down in their seats for landing.

Duce and Beckett were now awake and discussing the plan of attack for the second location with Chiquito waiting patiently on Ridley’s seat as if he was a part of the conversation. His sleepy expression gave away the fact that he had also been sleeping for the past few hours.

Alexia sat down and he jumped onto her lap. She cuddled into him and he into her, as she kissed him on his purring cheek.

“Is there not going to be lots of... people, who go by accident to the wrong location? It was posted wrong…” She queried.

“That’s exactly how we want it,” Duce said. “It wouldn’t exactly be believable if they arrived and no one was there. We’ll have the building covered by our team undercover as usual security, with one entrance poorly manned. When he’s in, we’ll go. Ridley will draw him all the way there.”

Alexia felt uneasy again. She knew it was what they did for a living. She knew that Ridley had been in this situation, and worse, many times over. The scars littering her body proved that. But still – it was an uncomfortable thought.

Ridley noticed her discomfort and leant over to kiss her softly on the cheek. Alexia closed her eyes and leant into it.

It was their first intimate moment in front of anyone.

They landed just after 1430 local time in London. A car was waiting for them at the airport, with an excited looking Lucy and Blau outside. She was now standing without crutches, and even walked her way over to them. Ridley and Alexia closed the gap quickly to ensure she wouldn’t move too far. Ridley caught Blau in her arms gently and lifted her.

“Hi, baby.”

“Hey Riddles. I really missed you.”

Lucy caught Alexia in a similar hug, and although it wasn’t usually their thing, it felt right.

“Hola capitana. Chiquito.”

Alexia rolled her eyes. “Hola Lucia.”

Lucy hugged her tightly before pulling back. Her eyes flicked from Ridley back to her. “Good holiday?”

“The best.”

“Oh, we saw your post.” Ridley put Blau down and turned to her, extending a hand. Lucy ignored it and pulled her into a hug instead.

“Ridley.”

“Bronze.”

“Been taking care of my girl?”

“My girl? Of course.”

Alexia and Blau shared a look, rolling their eyes. The Spaniard bent down and hugged the woman most precious to Ridley. Blau had become such a large part of her life as well, and she always had that calming, comfortable presence about her. The hug was no exception.

They both felt like they didn’t want to let go.

“Hola Ale.”

She smiled at the Spanish. “Hola, Blau.”

After a while, they let go and looked at each other. Blau touched her cheek. “You look…” she paused while she thought. “…happy. Really, really happy.”

“I am.” She admitted huskily.

They turned to their loud mouthed partners going at it.

“Don’t even try to lie, Bronze. I can fucking smell it on you.”

“What are you, the sex police?”

“Maybe I am.”

“You try to stop her getting what she wants.”

Ridley groaned and covered her ears.

“Oh don’t you start. You think I smell like sex? What about you two? I’m surprised you both didn’t come back pregnant.”

“You really do have a pregnancy kink, huh?”

Lucy groaned and looked over to Blau who was just enjoying the show.

Ridley turned to Alexia with a cheeky grin.

It was obviously a joke, yet something they hadn’t spoken about before. She made a note to do so.

“Come on you two, we need to get a lot done before the party tonight.” Blau said.

“Party?” Alexia asked.

“Just casual drinks. Leah and Jordan are having a joint engagement and Jordan’s birthday party tonight. Nothing too big!”

Ridley’s face went slightly more serious. Alexia knew why. She was pondering the safety of such an event.

“Are you two hungry?”

“We could eat,” Ridley replied. “But we do need to talk…”

Lucy and Blau held questions in their eyes until the figures of Duce and Beckett appeared.

It was an overwhelming sense of relief to be back in Ridley’s apartment. Ever since they stepped foot on the ground in London she’d felt on edge, but the apartment was different. It was safe. It was home. Chiquito himself was happier again, running around to ensure everything was the way they left it. Benjami and Richard were there and greeted them both with wide smiles.

“I’m so happy it worked out like I hoped…” Benjami had whispered to her in Catalan.

The couple took their belongings upstairs before they had a chance to argue against it. Ridley went upstairs to put her guitar in her studio while Alexia found herself in Ridley’s room, staring at the bed. Benjami and Richard had placed their luggage in the one room. Cheeky.

Two arms slid around her waist and she leant back into the warmth of Ridley. “Would you be more comfortable here or in the guest bedroom..?”

Alexia was surprised by the question and tensed.

“Let me rephrase that.” Ridley murmured, lips close to her ear and her voice dangerously low. “Would you be more comfortable for us to sleep in this room, or for us to sleep in the guest bedroom?”

Ah, that was better. She felt her body relax. “I’ve always liked this room. The bed is very comfortable too.”

A hesitation from Ridley made Alexia smile. “You… have been in this bed?”

Alexia turned and placed her hands on her. “I slept in your bed with Chiquito the night before we left London.”

She loved catching Ridley off guard. Her expression softened. “Our bed, Lex.” She kissed her softly just once. “Our bed. Our apartment. Okay?”

Alexia was worried how husky with emotion her voice would be if she spoke so instead, she nodded.

Ridley stepped back, her fingertips lightly gripping onto Alexia’s. “Come.”

Alexia followed her as she led them out of her bedroom, past the gym where they’d spent so much time, and to Ridley’s office. Once inside, she noticed where Ridley was looking. The portrait of Chiquito she’d painted for her. Benjami had put it up as she’d asked.

“I never got the chance to thank you for this… it’s beautiful. I was thinking we could redo half of the library across the hall into a studio for you, if you’d like?”

There was nothing that set of her emotions quite like talking about future plans, and changing the layout of an entire room was not a small thing.

Again, she nodded to avoid being too emotional. Ridley noticed, though. She always did. She smiled something genuine and reached out to touch the smiling sun on Alexia’s necklace.

“Happy?”

“Happy.” She whispered.

They all sat down to a late lunch and spoke of the plan to capture Bashir. Alexia was not only impressed by how professionally Lucy and Blau took it, but just how many in depth questions Blau had that Alexia hadn’t thought to ask. She was not only protecting her business, but her friends. And for every single one of her questions, Duce and Beckett had an answer.

Their plan wasn’t foolproof, and they knew that, but they had done this thousands of times successfully.

“The event won’t be affected?” Lucy asked.

“No. You should hear nothing at all. We’ll keep it as quiet as possible, and the most you should see is Ridley arriving at your event after we’ve detained him. This is a high end operation.”

“And the party tonight at the pub is okay…?”

“We’re handling the specifics now. The SAS are in contact with the pub and putting security measures in place as we speak.”

“So what now..?”

“Nothing changes for you all.” Duce confirmed.

“Now Luce,” Blau explained, putting her hand on hers and answering the actual question she knew her girlfriend was asking, “Riddles and I are going shopping for outfits for us all tomorrow. And you can go with Ale to kick around the football. You’ve been groaning about how long it’s been, and Ale is the best. We’ll all meet back here and go to the party.”

“And Duce and Beckett will be staying here with us until the situation is resolved.” Ridley added, looking to Alexia.

Duce kept working with her intelligence team over in the living room, sending messages and taking calls while Beckett was up and checking his gear. She’d never seen a gun in person before, and since meeting Ridley’s team, she’d now seen enough weapons for a lifetime.

Ridley leant over and kissed her on the temple. “Are you okay with me picking your outfit for tonight?”

Alexia was proud of her fashion sense, but even she admitted no one rivalled Ridley in that. “No one has ever chosen for me beyond my stylist…”

“Oh baby, I’m far better than your stylist.” She quipped cockily. “But if it makes you happy, I will liaise with her about that, and your makeup and hair.”

She disappeared then with Lucy to clear the table. Alexia could see Blau struggle to stand and helped her.

“Thank you. It’s really difficult when I have to keep this leg straight.”

“It is okay,” she chuckled with sympathy. “I understand you. My knee.. my ACL you call? It was the dark dark time for me. I know how hard it is but I never had this too.” She gestured to her sling and then looked at her jaw. “This is… better?”

Blau nodded. One thing Alexia loved about Blau was that she always understood her and never judged her English. “That’s better. The next thing off will be the knee brace, and then the sling. Lucy’s been amazing.”

She looked over to her and Alexia followed her gaze to see her talking to Ridley in the kitchen as they put the food away.

“Things are good?”

“Things are perfect,” she replied, happy as she always was. Lucy’s little positive ball of light. “And I’d ask the same but I can already see the answer…”

“Mmn. We are… we work on things together. We both want us.”

“And she’s opening up?”

“More than I think she would. We need to find way to make this works with all things.”

“Ah, yes. With you almost ready to start playing again and with Ridley and her company..”

“Sí.”

Blau paused, her face pondering. “Are you happy with her to keep doing her other job?”

Alexia followed her gaze to Duce and Beckett who were now both in the living room talking quietly.

“I… don’t… we have not talk about it.”

Blau didn’t respond to that. She simply looked at Alexia who understood what she was waiting for. She hadn’t answered the question. She looked over at Ridley. “I don’t want her to change. That is big part of who she is.”

“It is. It will always be. But it’s also okay to want your partner safe.”

Ridley looked over as if she knew what they were speaking about. “She will always come home to me.”

“Yes… I think you’re right about that.”

When they were finished putting away the food, Blau called across the room. “Come on, Riddles! I’m not going to be late for this party.”

Ridley rolled her eyes and the pair wandered over. Lucy leant down to kiss Blau.

“Don’t overdo it,” she warned her.

“Promise. Just some practice and some fun.” Lucy replied.

Ridley’s fingertips brushed against Alexia’s and she turned to catch her eyes. They were a little melancholy. It would be the first time they’d properly been apart since Ridley had left.

“We’ll be home soon. Take care of your knee, Lex.”

Alexia didn’t reply. She simply stepped forward and kissed her for the first time in front of their friends.

The party was more casual drinks with many footballers having much more alcohol than they should during season. Alexia didn’t mind. Ridley was by her side the entire night, her head on a swivel in the public area.

They caught up with many footballers who were gushing about Alexia’s post, though the most important was Leah and Jordan. They congratulated them both and the aura of pure happiness around them was contagious. They spoke about the engagement, the games, Ridley and Alexia’s holiday with the floating lanterns, and the Lumos event the next day. Blau had kept the event down to several high-profile footballers such as Alexia, Lucy, Leah, Jordan, Katie, Viv, Ellie, Wendie, Georgia, Lena as well as other popular players from other leagues who work with Lumos. The idea was the showcase the direction they were headed and to promote women’s football across the leagues. There would be many key stakeholders, their own media as well as other public news outlets, merchandise, sponsors etc to push Lumos into the spotlight.

“You said something about a big opening event next year?” Katie asked.

“Oh… yes. This is just a little event to help us gain traction for the rest of the season.” Blau explained. “But in six months, when we’re on our feet and running smoothly, we’ll have our big Welcome to Lumos event where we present our goals and ambitions.”

“One question. Will there be alcohol?”

“You really think I wouldn’t have alcohol for my favourite Irishwoman? Who am I, the Pope?”

Katie chuckled and excused herself as she went over to Caitlin who was calling her for a photo.

Suddenly, Alexia felt a pulling on her waist and followed Ridley as she bee-lined for a table in the corner where Duce and Beckett were.

“What’s going on?” Lucy asked as she and Blau joined them.

They looked at Duce who was silent, staring at an alert on her phone. Ridley knew her friend so well that she had noticed the change in her demeanour from across the pub.

“Duce?” Beckett prompted. Duce’s jaw locked as she read.

“He’s disappeared. We’ve lost Bashir.”

[aritany]

On Identity: The Truth

Content warnings: homophobia, transphobia, references to self harm and suicide.

I’ve been keeping secrets my whole life.

I’m 10 and I’m listening to my dad at the dinner table, who I know to be the most trustworthy person in the world. He talks about the legalization of marriage between two people of the same sex and asks us to consider the implications. Where do we draw the line in the sand? Legalizing gay marriage paves the way for legalizing pedophilia, after all. If a union between two men or two women isn’t disrespecting the sanctity of marriage, what’s next? Marriage between men and animals?

I’m 11 the first time I hear it: “It doesn’t matter how low I set the bar for you, you still can’t reach it.”

I’m confused and afraid—I’m trying so hard—but I hear it then, and again, and again, spoken low in disappointment, shouted with a vein popping in her forehead, cold like a fact, and it sinks in, bone deep.

I’m 12 with my first crush on a girl. I’m not confused, I know that’s what it is—I want to kiss my friend, and I already know not to talk about it. Never to talk about it. It isn’t safe.

I’m 13 and doubting. I throw myself into fitting in. I pick the right boys to like and I go overboard, and I do like them, I do, I do, I want them to like me, I want to be their friend. I want to be their equal, but that’s not quite how the story goes, so I settle for trying to hold hands with somebody I desperately crave respect from, but that’s wrong too, I learn. 

I’m 14 and convicted. How could this be wrong? I brush hands with a girl in choir and we meet eyes and I know. I watch a gay kiss on TV and I sob into my hands and I tell no one, no one, no one.

I’m 15 and I come out to my mom, haltingly, with the terminology that I have, because the thought of hiding forever—keeping quiet through one more dinner—kills me.

She tells me no. She tells me I’m wrong.

I look in her eyes and I understand: it’s not an option, and it never will be.

I’m 15 and I do my best to stop there.

It doesn’t work.

I’m 16 when I first hear my mom say that you can love someone and not approve of their lifestyle. I wonder what kind of love that is. I wonder how that kind of diluted, half-hearted, patronizing love can be enough for anyone. I wonder if she’s thought about how that feels, to be told that who you are—not by choice—is fundamentally wrong.

I’m 16 and a boyfriend is a shield. The right choice, so I make it, and it’s even almost fun. I love being his friend. I’m afraid of anything more.

I’m 17 and my youngest sibling whispers, “So am I.”

My heart breaks for the pain they’ll experience, as they too are taught, painstakingly, how to hate themself. Which parts of themself have to be kept hidden, which parts are shameful. They sit at that dinner table and hear the rhetoric that pushed me to the brink and over it, and I hope they’re stronger than I am.

They aren’t.

I’m 18 and my mom works at a college for the performing arts. I sit and curdle quietly while she talks about her genderqueer students. Misgenders them behind their backs. Deadnames used flippantly. She knows better, after all. She can be the expert on somebody else’s identity. They’re mentally ill, all of them. None of them are happy. They’re searching for something only God can provide.

I’m 19 and I come out as bisexual to the man I’m certain I’m going to marry, tearing the secret out like a bandage fused to skin. He tells me of course it’s fine, that he supports who I am. Of course people like me should have rights, of course. I laugh, relieved. Later, I find out this moment was almost a dealbreaker for him, and I wonder how much was ever real.

I’m 20 and I’m out. I’m 20 and I’m free. I’m 20 and I believe, because I’ve been told, that I am loved for who I am. All of who I am. I still flinch when I hear a car door slam.

I’m 21 and I’m searching for the connection to my womanhood. I’m searching for what makes a woman a woman. I’m reading gender theory and talking to friends around the world and wondering exactly what it is that I’m missing.

What does the rest of the world know that I don’t?

I’m 22 when my marriage ends because my body might not be attractive to my husband one day, and my parents email him in support and solidarity, expressing sympathy, and I’m not surprised.

I’m 22, and standing up for who I am has cost me everything. A spouse, two sets of parents, financial security, a city’s worth of community, more childhood friends than I can count. My parents tell me to go back in the closet so my ex-husband will love me. To them, his frustration is understandable, of course—by presenting androgynously, I’m betraying my marriage vows, after all.

I wonder, stunned into silence, where I promised to look like a woman.

I’m 23 when I come out to my parents for the third time; not as bisexual, not as trans, but as hurt. 

I lay out the pain of the last decade as succinctly as I can, hoping they’ll hear. When I assert that yes, to be in relationship with me, use of my name and pronouns is a requirement, my mother jokes, “Well, we don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

It’s not a joke.

I see the flash in her eyes, the instant regret as she laughs it off like it’s funny, but it isn’t.

The kid sitting at the dinner table knows it’s not a joke. The kid who listened to countless lectures on the morality of queerness knows it’s not a joke. The kid who stood with shaking hands and tried to bleed out the bad knows it’s not a joke. Years of casual bigotry taught me how to hate myself, which parts of myself I should cross out and ignore, which parts of myself I should be ashamed of.

I’m 23, and I have finally unlearned shame, and when I ask my parents to see me, the joke is that I’m a terrorist. I’m unreasonable.

The shock of it becomes a balm, later on.

Some jokes aren’t funny.

Some jokes aren’t jokes at all.

I’m 24 and I’m learning that it’s scary to be alone. Bigotry made me an orphan and made us strangers, and knowing that it’s the right choice to stand up for myself doesn’t make it any easier. I’m learning the only way out is through, if you’re not squeamish:

Cut off the part of yourself that’s 7 years old standing outside of their bedroom because the nightmare had teeth and claws and they are the heroes that will hold you close and make it warm again.

Amputate.

Cauterize.

Don’t let them see you bleed.

I’m learning that the wound takes a long, long time to close.

I’m 25 as I write this, and I am proud of who I am, even if I’m still bleeding. All of who I am. It’s taken a long time for me to let that person see the sun, but here we are, basking in the glow. Those wounds are healing. I am visible for everyone else who whispers, “So am I.”

Your sunshine will come. Your sunshine will come. 

Your sunshine will come.

[ohanthonytomallamadingdong]

OOOOOHHHHH MY GOODNESS OMG OH MY LORD IN HEAVEN MY GOD ALMIGHTY I NEED HELP I HAVE I MEAN I CANT I MEAN WHATTT IS HAPPENJNG EVERYTHING IS OCCURRING WHT THE FKKKKK HOLY GUACAMOLE HOLY SHIIIIIIITTTTT

ok so now that that’s out of the way: thoughts on Queen of Shadows through chap 65

- Lorcan: “All those years we worked together, killed men and bedded females together?” ???????? together??????? bed- together?????

- on that same note— confirmed bisexual Lysandra AND Aedion!!!!!!!! my loves

- ((a continuation of my fav characters always either giving hella bi vibes or being canonically bi))

- they’re gonna end up together and be the “bi woman who prefers women and bi man who prefers men end up together to everyone’s confusion including their own”

- SHAPESHIFTER LYSANDRA

- knew there was no was she was a basic bitch human

- no hate to my basic bitch human Nesryn Faliq *kisses her on the head and tucks her in*

- Chaol FINALLY realizing Aelin was kinda right but JUST WHEN we as readers realize DORIAN IS STILL THERE!!!!! HES THERE I PROMISE WAIT GIVE HIM A MINUTE PLEASE

- Manon’s eyes

- they have Power

- Manon and Dorian have a lil smth smth but i can’t tell if it’s just bc these two seem to have a lil smth smth w everyone or bc they actually have a lil smth smth

- the entire bit w Dorian and Manon and then the 13 vs the Squad and then Rowan saving Aelin but getting hit and then Aelin and Manon’s fight and then Aelin saving Manon and ASTERIN’S SCREAM

- i am— ded

- ASTERIN

- ASTERIN PLZ

- no but fr that line about Asterin’s heart and her wildness being born of despair so deep actually is living rent free i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it

- and Manon FINALLY having that come to Jesus moment where she realizes she has to Do Something about her grandmother and it being bc of Asterin is something that can be so personal

- Aelin saving Manon bc of Asterin’s scream and how she couldn’t bear to take someone away who was cared for that deeply hits so hard like I’m getting the same feelings from Aelin lately that i got when reading The Assassin’s Blade

- Aelin being dark and broody and mean and cold when she needs to but despite that always always ALWAYS being kind and warm and supportive and HUMAN, freeing slaves and comforting children like Evangeline and saving Lysandra (both from imprisonment and from Clarisse) and telling Chaol she’s sorry and he deserves to be happy

- speaking of Evangeline I’m OBSESSED w how Aelin was like “go forth young hellion and bother Aedion and Rowan, two very large, very powerful, very scary fae warriors, with your eleven-year-old sass” and Evangeline DID SO HAPPILY

- Rowan picking up Evangeline and comforting her and Evangeline immediately turning into him for comfort despite his intimidating presence

- like that’s their CHILD

- by “their” i mean everyone

- Evangeline has four parents thx

- Lysandra’s reaction to being freed of her debts!!! her relationship w Aelin is so *chef’s kiss* i LOVE GENUINE SUPPORTIVE BEAUTIFUL FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS YAAAAAASSSS

- two queens getting together and discussing how to maximize their joint slay INDEED

- please get Manon in there i BEG

- anyway onto other Very Important Things:

- THE GOLD NIGHTGOWN I- WHAT- WHAIFIW I CANT HELP /&/&; PLEASE OMG—- I NEE I MEAN WHAT!????!!??!?

- AND THEN THEY JUST *light peck* *goes to sleep* WASAASATTR???? *SHAKING THE BARS OF MY CAGE* SARAH J MAAS I HAVR BONE TO PIK W YUO

- on a calmer more sane note i love the way Aelin and Rowan’s relationship is being built up

- like it’s not them denying denying denying and pushing it all down only to explode in a fiery mess of passion all at once

- instead they’re going into all this very deliberately and softly

- they’re so open and connected that they’re able to communicate that they want each other but also recognize when it’s the right time to move forward and they don’t let it overwhelm them because they’re so secure in each other they KNOW they’ll still be there for each other in another hour another day another week another year so there’s no need to rush other than the imminent danger they’re facing but they’re going slow so each next step is a promise that they WILL SURVIVE because they HAVE TO because they WILL TAKE THAT NEXT STEP

- anyway yeah i have Feelings

[pixie-mage]

I’ve thought about telling you. I’ve thought about bringing it up. You’ve asked me about my purple striped pendant enough times, and I’ve always brushed it off, and you still give it a sidelong look as if you know, so I’ve thought about saying something–

(Or leaving my laptop open on the wiki page, or doodling the flag on a sticky note and leaving it where you can see, or buying a book about it on your Amazon account, or–)

–but I never have.

Maybe it would finally convince you to leave my dating life alone. Or at least, maybe it would convince you that a dating app won’t work the same for someone like me.

Because when you’re asexual, most men on a dating app are expecting a future hookup, whether that’s now or a few weeks down the line…so you’re not what they’re looking for.

Anyway, I’ve thought about it. But I’ve also seen how you talked to me behind my sister’s back when she came out as bisexual, how you were outwardly unbothered and generally supportive but would turn to me with “If this phase lasts” and “She's still young” and “When she settles down with a guy” on your lips. It’s been a while since I’ve heard it, but even now, when she’s college age and openly dating a woman, I get the feeling you still don’t take her relationship as seriously as our brother’s relationship with his girlfriend. I get the feeling you still judge.

(You love us dearly. I know you do. The good and great family memories far far outweigh the bad. And you care about us so much. You’ve fought the world for us in the past and you’d do it again and you’ll always always love and support us in everything we do. But. But.)

And maybe you wouldn’t judge me so harshly for simply saying I’m ace, because it’s not like I’m gay, right? It’s not like I’ll end up with another girl, right? It’s not as big of a deal…right?

But I’ve also seen how judgemental you were when I started crossplaying, when I started choosing male characters to cosplay alongside the female. I was just dressing up for fun and that’s all it ever will be, but still…the judgement. The unspoken judgement of different.

And when I brought up the idea of adoption instead of having my own kids - the one time I opened up enough to mention it - you gave me the most indecipherable look that made me feel like I’d said something horribly, horribly wrong. And I said “What?” and you said “Nothing.” But it was “nothing” in the “I won’t say it, but you should know” way. It was “nothing” in the “I won’t say it, but I’ll let you feel my dissatisfaction from where you’re sitting” way.

And just this year, I got so close. I almost said something. We were having a conversation - god knows I can’t even remember how it started now - but I got brave enough to ask if it would be so wrong to never want to be physically intimate with someone. And I got an exaggeration eyeroll, and a “You have GOT to get over your fear of sex” as if you knew me sooo well that you obviously could see what I really meant. But you didn’t. You don’t. And when I said - rather impulsively - that “I’m not afraid, I just don’t want to do it. It’s gross and uncomfortable” - well.

“That’s a childish response.”

Because god forbid I feel differently than you do about something that would only affect my life. God forbid I dislike something even when the rest of the world expects me to want to love it. God forbid.

So I haven’t told you. With a response like that, why the hell would I?

You always say “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince”…and sure, I understand the meaning. But why does finding a prince require kissing? Why can’t I hug him instead? Why can’t a peck on the cheek suffice? I’d offer him a Lego minifigure if that would do the trick. I’d much prefer it.

But no, I’m childish for wanting to keep my body to myself.

You signed me up for a dating app when I was in early college. At the time I thought it was funny, and I still kind of do. I know that you want to see me happy and you assume finding a partner is what will do that. And maybe I would be happy with a partner in my life…but not the kind you’re thinking of.

See, the problem with dating apps - the problem with dating - is I know eventually the guy will get bored. He’ll get bored before we hit five months because the whole time he’ll have been waiting for the chance to take me to bed, and unfortunately for him, the thought will have never crossed my mind. Hell, the last time we tried to make out I was probably thinking about pizza rolls and wondering how long people are supposed to keep kissing like that. When is it acceptable to stop? When is it polite to get back to watching the movie? How much kissing is enough to satisfy someone else? Because it sure as hell does next to nothing for me.

I used to think I was broken, you know.

I used to think there was something wrong with me if everyone was explaining kissing and sex as this fantastic thing, and I was sitting there going “What’s there to like?”

I used to think - hell - maybe mom was right. Maybe I just have to keep kissing frogs.

But at some point, you kiss enough frogs that never turn into princes, and you start to realise that maybe the problem isn’t the frogs you’re picking. Maybe the problem is you. Maybe you don’t have the magic in your lips to turn ‘em back into royalty.

And then you date an amazing, amazing guy, and you think “Wow, I could picture a life with him” and you think “This could be something” and you think “This is a prince…right?” …but you still feel nothing. The romance is there, and the joy of shared interests, and the matching sense of humor, and the laughter and the fun and you fit and it’s amazing - but physically? Sexually? Nothing. You feel nothing. You’re still daydreaming about pizza rolls when you’re kissing on the couch, and nothing has changed.

So you think…another frog?

And you end things.

And you think it’s better that way.

And you think maybe you were just excited over a solid friendship and misinterpreted what you were feeling.

But then you find an internet post that is far too relatable. You find an artist that has put into words the exact way you’ve been feeling for years. You find a comic that sends a shockwave of a revelation through your head and you feel - you feel whole. You feel unbroken. You feel like this is what you were missing all along.

One word that makes you feel a little less alone, knowing there are others out there just like you.

Asexual.

A person who feels no physical attraction toward others.

Sometimes they want to be physically intimate with their partner even though they feel nothing, but sometimes? Sometimes they really really don’t.

And it’s okay.

And it has a name.

And it’s not broken.

…and I would tell you all of this if I felt like I could. But.

But.

It’s just a phase and you’d be happier with a partner and that’s a childish response.

Is it any wonder I have never explained what my purple striped pendant really means?

[romanarose]

Awakening: Melatonin

Frankie Morales x Benjamin Miller

Awakening Series masterlist

Summary: After the events of the group sex (detailed in the masterlist above) Frankie had been distant from Benny, not ready to admit his feelings for Ben. On a camping trip, they can't help but fall into each others arms.

Warnings and content: Anal sex, anal fingers, m/m, blowjob, balls sucking, love confessions, sexual repression, not the most correct termonoligy (Frankie and Santi largely use gay as the same as bisexual/lgbt/queer. They are old men so give them grace.) Internalized homophobia (not a lot, Frankie is just struggling). Aftercare <3 fishben bickering, Miller teasing.

A/N its been. 5 months since i updated lololololol IM SORRY!!! But! I had such bad writers block with how to get them together without just repeating the same stuff as Boys of Summer, but I DID IT!

I know this is just FishBen, not reader so you dont gotta read it when i now ur here for group sex, but next chapter will be the grand finale

ONLY ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT!

**************

“Fish. Hey. Catfish. Frankiiiiiiiiieeee”

“Oh my god, what?”

“I’m fucking cold.”

Frankie sighed loud enough that Ben could hear him in the next tent. The group had gone camping: Frankie, Benny, Pope, Will and you, and when you and Santi offered to set everyone’s tents up in order to let everyone start swimming, he should’ve been suspicious. Granted, he was suspicious. Suspicious they you and Santi wanted to fuck in the tent, not that the two of you had set Frankie’s tent up next to Benny’s. Assholes. You probably did fuck though.

���Of course you’re cold, you were swimming until fucking 10 pm. I fucking told you to start drying off while there was still sun out but you-”

“Oh my god, Fish, live a little.”

This is what simultaneously drove him insane and endeared Ben to him. Ben was a trained soldier: smart, capable, bright. ‘A one in a million talent’, as Will had said… but when he was out of the military, away from Pope’s insane missions and not in the ring, Benny had no impulse control. He chased his next high constantly, never being concerned with the outcome; something he could usually talk his way out of, like he was trying to now. Benny’s excitement for life and thrill at trying something new was contagious, and was the reason they were in this position right now.

Months ago, Pope had approached him, Benny and Will about helping him fulfill a fantasy of his wife’s; being dicked down by all of them at once. What began as a mission to pleasure you and you alone had morphed into something different, a shift in the group dynamics that scared the fuck out of Frankie. The sex was fantastic, you were beautiful and the energy in the room was one of raw sexuality and free love. He supposed he started it. It wasn’t like Benny had done anything to Frankie that Frankie didn’t want. Benny had sucked him off before in the scenario of a threesome with other women, that wasn't new. Benny was bisexual, and a mouth was a mouth so Frankie had been happy to indulge in the sloppy blowjob that ensued between both of your wet mouths… but it was Frankie who had gotten on his knees and kissed Benny, right there in front of the people they loved.

He simply hadn’t been able to take it anymore. The boy was a golden god, sharp but boyish features, devastating blue eyes, and mouth with many talents in and out of the bedroom. He admired so much about Benny, he was his best friend… but he was just supposed to be a friend. The kiss, the way Ben laid beside him when Frankie was still inside you and whispered sweet nothings, the way Frankie cared for Ben after the orgy had ended… none of that was supposed to happen. In the ensuing months, Frankie started withdrawing from Ben, made even more uncomfortable by the seeming romance brewing between Santi, you and Will; something you had all yet to label but were taking step by step. He was pretty sure Will had snuck into yours and Santi’s tent already. 

Frankie’s feeling for Benny were hard to ignore, but he was fucking trying. It was apparently bad enough that Santi had confronted him about it, telling Frankie to just talk to Ben and figure it out, but Frankie had insisted he wasn’t gay.

“C’mon, man, I’ve seen the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. Benny fucking worships you and you used to laugh at every stupid ass joke he made, now you just look at him longingly like a sexually repressed victorian woman.”

“I’m not gay, Pope. Just ‘cuz everyone else suddenly decided they were, doesn’t mean I am.”

Pope had looked a little hurt at that, slightly uncomfortable with being called gay just yet. “Frank, you were kissing him and-”

“So what!” Frankie had thrown his hands up. “It was the heat of the moment, doesn’t make me magically gay. You didn’t become gay when you got a dick up your ass!”

He was looking increasingly hurt at Frankie’s comments, but also obviously concerned at Frankie suppressing this. “No, I’m gay because I’ve always been gay, Benny just helped me explore that, and I think you should-”

“Oh fuck off”

Frankie stormed out after that. He later apologized, of course, and tried to be better around Ben. Benny hadn’t pushed for anything more, treating him like normal and no one had brough up group sex again so many things could go back to normal… but it’s been awfully fucking hard with Benny shirtless all day at the beach in his goddamn speedo.

“Fiiiiiiish”

“Wuh-uh-uh-uuuuht?!” Frankie whined.

“Can I sleep in your tent? Please? I’m fucking freezing.”

“Get another blanket”

“I have all my blankets!”

He wanted to say no, to tell him to fuck off and be more responsible… but watching Benny shiver by the fire early had tugged at Frankie’s heart, making him sympathetic. He could practically here his teeth chattering in his tent. “Fucking fine, but bring all your blankets. I’m cold as balls too.” whose idea was it to swim past labor day? Just because it was Florida doesn’t mean they should tempt fate.

Benny practically scampered inside Frankie’s tent, a broad grin on his face. “Thank you thank you thank you thank!”

Intending on Benny using his own blankets and just sharing the body heat of the tent, that went out the window when he saw his hair was still damp. “Jesus Ben, you’re gonna get a fucking cold, get your ass in here.” Frankie lifted up his blankets to allow Benny inside. Ben, for his part, kept a respectful distance. To Benny’s credit, he’d always been careful with Frankie, never pushing him to deal with this side of himself and never pushing for exploration with him. “For fucks sake, I won’t bite.” Frankie scooted up next to Benny, feeling his cold skin. He was sympathetic to Benny’s plight. 

Gladly, Benny took the opportunity to cuddle right up to Frankie, sharing in his warmth. It was nice, Frankie had to admit. They laid there for a while, their arms pressed up against each other being the only skin to skin contact Frankie’s received other than quick fucks from tinder.

Of course Ben had to start talking. “I’ve missed this.”

Frankie sighed again. Lots of sighing today. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Okay.” A pause. “I can leave, if that’s what you want.”

He thought about the options. Did he want that? Did he want Ben to leave when he felt so goddamn right? “No, Ben, of course that’s not what I want. I just want things to go back to normal. For us to go back to sharing a tent without it feelings weird.”

Benny turned to look at Frankie, but Frankie’s eyes stayed trained on the darkness of the tent. “It can go back to that. We never have to talk about it again, we can just go back to normal-”

“But we can’t!” Frankie whisper-shouted. “We can’t go back after I kissed you, I kissed you. All those other times it was you blowing me I could justify because you made the move, but I did this, it was me, what am I supposed to think of that?”

Benny seemed to think on that for a while, chewing over his words before speaking. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, Frankie.”

“But it does, because…” Frankie scrubbed his face, groaning. “Because it meant something. You-... ugh… you mean something… to me…”

Another, longer, silence. “What do I mean to you, Frankie? You don’t gotta answer but… maybe we could start there?”

Damn him, he was good at this. The intense darkness of their tent made for a more conducive environment than the harshlights and confronting words of Santi’s home when Santiago had tried, Benny’s calming voice and open ended questions allowing him to think, to speak clearly and with less pressure.

“I can go first, if that’s easier.” Benny offered.

“Yeah, yeah that might be nice.”

Benny didn’t need any time, it seemed like he had thought through this before. “You are my anchor, Frankie. You are… the thing that keeps me grounded. You remind me a lot of Will, in a way, and you’re the only person he’d probably approve of.” Ben gave a small chuckle. “He’s very picky, but… it’s clear the way you care for me. It’s in the way you wrap my hands before a fight and the way you tell me to get out of the goddamn water” Frankie felt a playful nudge. “And how you let me sleep in your tent when I’m freezing my ass off. You care about me, anyone can see it, and I like to think everyone can see how much I care about you. When the helicopter went down, it was you I ran too, your name I called, you I pulled out…”

“I remember…”

“You make me want to be better. You make me want to take better care of myself to lighten your load. You make me happy.”

Frankie was ready. “You know that song, you are my sunshine?” He wanted until he felt Ben nod… when did Frankie lay his head on Ben’s shoulder? “I heard it the other day and thought of you. Everything else gets really… it's gonna be hard to put into words but that’s the main thing. You are my sunshine. You make my days better, especially in recovery. I’ll be having a hard day and you won’t even know and you’ll just brighten it up. I just want to- fuck I just want to take care of you. You say you want to lighten my load but I enjoy it. I like seeing your smile when I bring you food, I like wrapping your hands correctly because I know it’ll help you and protect you. I like it because I like- fucking shit” He had started crying before he knew his eyes were watering, trying to choke it all back. “I love you, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Benny took a moment to process those words, the confession… before oh-so carefully taking Frankie’s face in his beat-up hands. Gentle, he guided Frankie to look at him. The night wasn’t too dark, but still bright enough to make out vague traces of Benny’s face he loved so much and was struck by how his eyes seemed to glow in the darkness. “We can take this slow, Fish. I know Santi jumped into it, but we can take it step by step. Or not at all, but… if you’re ready to admit you love me, I think you're ready for something. And for the record, I love you too. Always have, always will.”

He was doing this. He could do this. Benny would match his pace as he always had, he could take it slow… but right now, he was ready. With Benny beside him… it all seemed so much less scary. “Can you… can you kiss me?”

“Oh baby…” Benny sighed out in relief. “I’ll always kiss you.”

It was desperate, needy, teeth and lips and tongue and in a clamor to release the years of repression between them both, Frankie moaning into Benny’s open mouth.

“You’ll wake them.” Benny said with no real intent to hush his lover. 

“Oh please, Will climbed into their tent an hour ago.” Frankie fisted his hands into Benny’s shirt, yanking the boy towards him. “Fuck’n need you.”

“Always needed you, Frankie.” Benny muttered between heavy kisses, turning his body so he was half laying on Frankie. “Always will.”

Frankie’s hands found Benny’s hips, pressing him down on him so he could feel both bulges between them, and the way Ben rutted against him was electric, shooting to the very core of him and circulating through his body. “Fuck’n desperate.” Frankie murmured in Ben’s ear.

Benny chuckled. “Says the one grinding me on him.”

“Oh my god, you never stop talk’n, do yuh” 

But Ben could feel Frankie’s smile against his skin as they further pressed into each other, a desperate need for each other’s closeness.

“You wanna do this here?”

“God yes, need you.”

“We can take it slow, take it at your pace.”

“This is my pace, I always- of fuuuuck-” Frankie grabbed the meat of Ben’s ass in his sweats. “I always fuck on the first date.”

Kissing down his neck, Benny made sure to mark up Frankie’s neck. Everyone would know who he belonged to now. “Oh, are we dating now?” He teased.

Frankie’s voice was practically a whine. “Don’t fucking play with me, I can’t fucking take it anymore”

He stopped the motions, the heat of the moment cooling for just a moment while Benny forced Frankie to focus on him, only him. “Won’t play with you, promise. I’m yours.”

“Yours…”

It wasn’t long until both pants were shucked off (shirts remaining on for warmth, a blanket covering over them), Frankie fingering his wet fingers into Ben’s asshole.

“Can’t fucking wait to feel you” He muttered to the blonde, wriggling his body further down. “Gotta taste you, first.” Frankie wasn’t sure where to go first. “I’ve never sucked dick before…”

Benny smiled up at him encouragingly. “We don’t gotta worry about that today.”

“But I wanna…” Frankie’s large wet eyes glanced at him from his position between Ben’s legs. “Wanna make you feel as good as I can, Benjamin.” He tentatively wrapped his free hand around Ben’s cock, stick and hard and dripping for him. “Can I just… take you in my mouth, and you control the pace?”

Ben wasn’t sure how much control he was gonna have with two of Frankie’s long fingers in his ass making him pant and moan already, but he agreed, entangling his hands into Frankie’s soft curls as the older man lowered his mouth on Ben’s length. He took it slow, setting a steady pace but not pushing Frankie further than halfway down him. They could work on that later; they could spend the rest of their lives familiarizing themselves with each other's bodies, learning and growing together. Tonight was simplistic.

“Just like that, doing so good Fransisco… oh god doing so good” Benny moaned for him, the cold of the night long forgotten in the wet heat of Frankie’s mouth. His plush lips looked magnificent stretched out around his dick and the way Frank looked up at him as his fingers pumped Ben might be his favorite sight in the world. Frankie, for his part, was in fucking heaven. This felt right, this felt so fucking right and Frankie felt like he could spent his life sucking and licking on every inch of Ben’s body, and let out a whine when Ben pulled him off. Frankie moved further down, taking Ben’s balls in his mouth as Ben spoke.

“Gonna cum if you keep going like that, want us to cum together.”

“Wanna taste you in my mouth” His mouth joined his fingers, licking at Benny’s used hole.

“Seems like you got a whole lot of me in your mouth, Frank.”

Frankie groaned, frustrated. “Need more. Can’t get enough of you.” He lapped at the pale skin, only bits of him the speedo covered, the taste of river water and sweat dancing on his tongue.

“Francsco, look at me.” Ben called to him, and when Frankie looked up, lips detaching from his ass, Ben took his face in his hands and pulled him up for a kiss. “I know you’re making up for lost time, but we got the rest of our lives. I want to feel you inside me, I want to cum with you.”

Frankie nodded, obliging. “You ready? I know we don’t got lube, I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You opened me up, and theres lot fo spit” he chuckled. “I’m ready.”

With a deep breath, holding onto Benny’s shoulder, Frankie slowly and carefully slid his cock into Benny’s gapping hole and fuck, it felt… it felt… “You feel like home…”

He didn’t try to fit all of himself in Ben; he was aware his dick was massive and without lube, it wasn’t worth potentially hurting Ben just to bottom out. It started out to deserate, so needy, a desire that just had to be fulfilled but melded into something softer. They had the rest of their lives… tonight could be sensual and slow. Frankie fucked into his new lover, Benny’s head tossing around on the pillow as theirs limps and lips entangled, Frankie chasing Benny’s mouth every time Bne’s pleasure became too might.

“Feel so goddamn good Frank, can’t wait to spend my life like this.”

Frankie kissed his nose. “Can’t wait to spend my life making you smile” He took Ben’s dick back in his hands, jerking him as he pumped into his ass. “Can you cum for me? I can’t hold on much longer, been wait’n too long.”

“Y-yes, yes Francsco, I wanna come with you, please?”

“Don’t gotta beg, just lemme see it, lemme see you cum, I’m right behind you, I promise.”

Benny complied, his body writhing as warm cum shot out from his cock. “F-fucking love you.”

“Good boy, baby” Frankie praised, jerking Ben’s pulsing length. “Look so beautiful cumming in my hand, gonna-fuckinghell-gonna fill up this perfect assohmygod” Frankie’s voice sputtered and hips stuttered as he filled up Benny’s warm hole with his cum, fucking him full. “Good boy…” One final time as Frankie slumped onto Ben’s body and into hsi awaiting arms as he carefully slid out. They laid there for a month, panting as they came down from their respective highs, a wide grin on Ben’s blissed out face.

Once he felt like his legs wouldn’t give out, Frankie a breath and pushed his body up to go get something to clean Ben off, but was surprised when Benny desperately wrapped his arms around Frankie’s body. 

“Don’t go, please?”

Frankie managed to lift up enough to look into Ben’s glowing blue eyes in the dark. “I’m just getting a towel, Ben. I’m not going anywhere…”

The worry of Ben’s face subsided just a little. “I just… I don’t want this to be like last time…” Last time, Frankie didn’t talk to Ben for months.

“It won’t, I promise. Can I clean you up?”

Benny acquiesced, and Frankie wriggled on his pants and left the tent, coming back with a damp towel and some of their waters and trail mix. Tender and soft, Frankie wiped his cum out of Benny’s leaking hole and Ben’s cum off the boys stomach, skin exposed by his ridden-up shirt. “Here.” Frankie made sure Benny had some of the trail mix and drank some water, then did the same himself. When Frankie was certain Ben was taken care of, he redressed him, making sure he was nice and warm. “I ain’t gonna leave you this time, Ben. I’m with you, now.”

Just as Benny was about to nod off, exhausted and lulled to sleep by Frankie playing with his hair, they heard Will from the next tent. Santi and your tent, actually. “Fucking FINALLY!”

The 5 of them burst out in laughter, Frankie nuzzling his blushing face in Ben’s firm chest but smiling still. “Oh my fucking god”

Ben called out to his brother. “How much of that shit did you hear?”

Santi spoke now. “All of it.”

Your turn. “It was a very sweet love confession”

Frankie lifted his face. “So you heard all of it.”

“Well, you weren’t exactly quite.”

Turning to Frankie, Ben shrugged. “Well, we weren’t”

Frankie playfully nudged him.

“So yes, we heard you eating his ass.” Santi teased, followed the distinct sound of either you or Will smacking him. “Ow! Hey, All I’m saying is the recent developments are gonna make the next ORGY wayyyyy more interesting.”

***************

THEY ARE BAAAAAAAAACCCKK!!!!

Thanks for all your patience!

@kittyofalltrades @bit-dodgy-innit @milkymoon2483 @luciannadraven33 @welcometostayingawake @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @cocodiem @imwaytooobsessedwithpedro @twistedboxy @juneknight @angelbabyyy99 @marshmallow--3 @ahookedheroespureheart @kandik @moonknightly @storyarcscribe @itspdameronthings @lou-la-lou @axshadows @saintbedelia @lucianadraven32 @your-voice-is-mellifluousuous @nana90azevedo @luciferiorbxtch @djarinluvr @aretha170 @mystinky-butt @uglie-hoe @sirenphrynne @sammierae-16 @thismessthatsm @luciannadraven33 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @cocodiem @gogh-with-the-flow @paintlavillered @tiny-raccon @luciferiorbxtch @feltonswifesworld87 @whitearmsredhands @pimosworld @mrscadilllac @i-wanna-be-your-muse @violentdelightsandviolentends @lunar-ghoulie @meveispunk @missdictatorme @itspdameronthings @luciferiorbxtch @lonelyisamyw-0love @poeedameronn @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @luke-o-lophus @the-soulofdevil-reads @thepowerthismanhasoverme @miraclesabound @gogh-with-the-flow @simps-central @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @ssuperficialspacecadett @munson-hargrove-barnes86 @broken-arrow-ambassador @thedreadandthefugitivemind

@casa-boiardi @littlevenicebitch @caelumcvre

sorry if i missed anyone!!!

lmk if you wanna be tagged for the next part!!!

[emilybahu]

I love 9-1-1 so much!

I have fallen in love with tv shows before, watching episodes religiously as they aired weekly. 9-1-1 has been different for me though, it’s become more like an obsession. In some ways that’s bad, it’s consuming my mind a lot of times and it’s distracting me from other things I need to get done. However, really getting into the fandom of this show has also been wonderful for me, it’s made me so happy, actually getting involved with other fans and talking to people the last couple months has been so fun! You all are amazing, funny, talented people and I’m truly grateful that I’ve been able to interact with you!

Now, I’ve heard about some toxicity within the fandom, Buddie and BuckTommy shippers turning against each other and fighting about what’s best for the characters. (Which btw, isn’t really up to us anyway)

I personally haven’t seen a lot of that, who knows, maybe I’m just ignoring it because I don’t want to see it. Either way I always try to keep a very open and and neutral stance when it comes to shipping. I let myself enjoy the stories, the edits, the fan art, and the speculation. However, I also try to stay grounded in the reality of what’s happening in the movie/book/tv show.

When it comes to 9-1-1 right now, between Buddie and BuckTommy I’m not picking sides. I like both ships the same, and I don’t think that’s gonna change any time soon. I really, really enjoy both ships! (Plus the fan fiction for both are amazing, so I’m LIVING)

Buddie is part of the reason that I started watching in the first place, Buck and Eddie are my favorite characters. I love them both to death, and regardless of their relationship status they have something special, no one can deny that! Their friendship is beautiful and deep, they do truly love each other, they’re family, they will always be there for each other whether or not they end up in a romantic relationship. I’m honestly just happy to see them together in any capacity. And yes, I will be happy, overjoyed even, if they decide to make Buddie cannon, but I’ll also be happy if their relationship remains as it is.

As far as Buck and Tommy go I was surprised when the kiss happened, but OH MY GOD… I was totally there for it! I’m actually really happy with this storyline so far, (even if the second hand embarrassment nearly killed me during the first date)I think that they’ll be great together, I really can’t wait to see them getting to know each other more! Wherever this goes, I’m here for it! I’m excited to see Buck explore his bisexuality with Tommy, and learn about himself through this relationship. I’m also excited to learn more about Tommy! And if they don’t end up being very long term, I really hope that they stay friends.

I’m really enjoying being into a ship that’s canon for once, it makes me really happy. I don’t think there’s ever been a ship (apart from these ones) that I’ve been into that have even had a remote chance of becoming cannon (Stucky… my first love!)

Anyway, I digress, the writers and the actors KNOW these characters, we know that if something felt off in the story, they’d want to do right by the characters. We know for a fact how much Oliver and Ryan love Buck and Eddie, and if it feels right and true to them Buddie will happen. If it doesn’t feel right to put them in a romantic relationship, to me, it’s fine because regardless we have these two men with an absolutely beautiful and meaningful friendship, and I’m always here for that!

All of this to say, all this fighting about “who’s right for who” isn’t doing anyone any good. I mean we’re all in this fandom because we love this show RIGHT!? Being on platforms like this is meant to bring us TOGETHER!

SO WHY THE HELL ARE SOME OF US TRYING TO RIP EACH OTHER APART BECAUSE WE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS ON A DAMN SHIP!?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions after all… so yeah, share your opinion, just don’t be rude about it. Putting someone down because they disagree with you doesn’t make you right… it just makes you mean. It scares people away, maybe makes them feel like they’re not safe in this community. I’ve seen it a couple times too, with myself and others, being afraid to make a post because of the possibility of hate.

In my experience you’re meant to feel safe in a fandom, in a community because you’re sharing your love for something with others who love it just as much as you do! We should love each other like we love these characters!

To conclude, all I need is for our boys to be happy, that’s really all we should care about here anyway. It shouldn’t necessarily matter who’s dating who, as long as they’re HAPPY! I’m really just along for the ride, I’m here for whatever they decide to do with Buddie and/or BuckTommy in the future. Buck and Eddie are my loves, and we barely know Tommy, but I’m starting to like him already, as long as they’re happy, I am too!

Thank you for reading my TedTalk…

Sorry if it doesn’t sound completely coherent, stringing words together isn’t always my strong suit…🫠

[jacquiarno]

It’s Bisexuality Visibility Month (also Suicide Awareness Month), and the biphobia has been constant and intense, even in our own bi spaces, mostly from fellow LGBTQIA+ people.

Bi women have been told they are tainted for being with men, that we are dirty and dick obsessed. We’ve been told we are perverted fetishists by both cis and trans lesbians, with even gay men joining in on the insults, with one even threatening violence towards bi women if they come near lesbians. We even got told we deserve to be abused, raped, and murdered by our male partners because that’s what we deserve for dating men.

Bi men are being accused again for being HIV carriers, with gay men saying they are only good for sex because they will end up leaving them for women. One trans man said he would kill himself if a man started dating a woman after him, not leave him for one but just start dating again and that person being a woman.

I haven’t seen insults directly about non-binary bisexuals, but I’m sure there would be and a lot of hate lumps us all together. All this hates stings me but I can’t imagine the pain of all this for non-binary, trans women, and trans men dealing with it all, and it makes me so disappointed and angry that fellow trans people in this community are hurting them.

Pride Month a lesbian wrote “I wish god would eradicate all the bisexuals” while another wrote “For Pride Month let all the bi people disappear” with both having thousands of likes and comments agreeing. Now during Bi Visibility Month, a non-binary lesbian with feminist in their profile posted “Happy bi visibility month, I hope they find a cure soon 💖”. While continuing to mock us after.

Our allies and so-called LGBTQIA+ advocates have been silent and have even participated in bierasure, laughing at us when we point it out, saying “It’s not that serious.” “Lol the bis are getting upset over nothing again”. Only the bisexual advocates and pages have spoken out against the hate.

The B in LGBTQIA+ is suppose to be for bisexual but this community says and treats us as awfully as the bigots do to all of us. Bisexual is the sexuality that is attracted to two or more genders, that we have the ability to love anyone regardless of their gender. But we’re treated as greedy, perverted, hyper sexual, unfaithful, which from bigots you understand and usually brush off, but from those within the community who go through similar prejudice and should understand, sharing the same ignorant mindset.

These spaces are suppose to be our safe havens as well, but are just as dangerous. We try making our own spaces and even that is invaded by these people, we are beyond exhausted. We need the other members of the community that aren’t biphobic to speak out more and shut these people and this hate down. Because the lack of empathy from this community is frightening and all this in-fighting will allow the bigots to pick us a part more easily.

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

YAYAYAY OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY YOU GOT TO 100 FOLLOWERS YOU DESERVE IT + MORE TFF

cccan i request fluorescent adolescent pls😊

uhh my type are men that would give me the princess treatment of course and im lowkey max, gigi, and lyra combined tbh ANDH im bisexual and uh ermmm i have a problem saying ily or im sorry so i just normally draw the words on their skin ykykyk BUT UHH I THINK THAGD ALL

AHHHH THANKKKK YOUUU SO MUCHH!! YOU’RE LITERALLY THE BEST 💖💖 (off topic completely but I literally remember when you followed me so well because I loved your blog sm and I couldn’t believe it!!)

of course you can!! okay sooo….

when you said princess treatment so many names sprung to mind (cough kai azer, aaron warner, percy jackson, finnick odair jskskzjjsjsjdh cough)

but then I thought about the max/gigi/lyra personality and it pulled me more in the direction of grayson hawthorne bc I think it could be like a grumpy x sunshine/opposites attract sort of thing going on. especially if you have gigi’s energy (which from your posts and comments I think you do) and CLEARLY he’s going to like you if you’re like lyra

I don’t think grayson would mind either about the fact that you find it hard to physically say I love you, because I feel like grayson’s one of those people who can understand how you feel without you having to use the words and I’m also convinced this guy’s love language is physical touch bc he’s been so deprived of it (just my ops tho) and I feel like it’d be your little cute couple thing that you draw messages on each others skin, and eventually you have a little secret language you can use in public without people noticing

I know it’s kind of clichè shipping you with grayson bc I literally sit here and write tig fics and maybe you wanted someone a bit different… but I genuinely think you two would match really well!! Like let’s be so fr, this man would worship you

thanks for sending in a request and thank you for following!! you were one of the first and I hold that close to my heart 🤍🤍

[matashaw]

El Matashaw

≫I mean, my tumblr is literally called Matashaw, of course I’m gonna have Matashaw headcanons! This post is dedicated to the best person I’ve ever met in the fandom, @vampirateee !! I hope you enjoy them a lot, I love you!!

(Tw for slight nsfw)

General headcanons:

El Matador

trans fem, pansexual, she/her pronouns

Spanish, born in the capital

hyper sexual, but doesn’t accept it because “everyone’s a bit horny sometimes” (she’s horny 24/7)

npd and bdp because, do I have to explain??

crazy bitch with multiple disorders but I love her

loves tight shirts and flare/wide pants (and short skirts but that’s on special occasions), her closet literally has any piece you can think of!

rudest person EVER, doesn’t think before talking, and is not willing to. Apologizing? What’s that?

proudest Spaniard you will ever meet

really silky, soft, long black hair, every time she’s stressed she just caresses it

North Shaw

trans masc, bisexual, he/they pronouns

Both of his parents are Argentinian but he was born in Australia

Has freckles literally everywhere, doesn’t really like them

biggest The Smiths and The Cure fan, some people might call him basic because his favorite song is “Boys don’t cry”. He once listened to it all night and his neighbors called the police on him

HES SO DUMB HE CANT TAKE INDIRECTS FOR HIS LIFE OH MY GOD

stupid ass jock (I’m so mad about the fact they made him smarter in the earlier seasons)

a sucker for love, spent his teenage years hugging his pillow while crying

found out he was into men thanks to an “am I gay” quiz he did as a joke with his friends, he got the highest score out of them and stayed awake the whole night thinking about it

his dancing skills are horrible, but has so much fun in discos, he be hitting the most hideous moves with Blok, but hey, he’s happy!

Ship headcanons:

“North is the smart one and El Matador is the stupid one!” INCORRECT LOUD BUZZER, WRONG. THEY ARE BOTH STUPID AS FUCK

used to shower together but they stopped since North kept peeing on his very dear gf☺️

their first date was to the beach, they both got drunk and decided to go run naked and terrorize seagulls (they later had to run away because the seagulls came for them)

North is sometimes quite insecure about his body, and el matador literally does not help.

——north looking at himself in the mirror clearly feeling insecure

——“babe don’t look at yourself like that your ass is so fat and juicy don’t worry”

all their disagreements get solved with a “I’m at Wendy’s do you want something”

North once presented El to his parents, let’s just say they had to go to couple therapy after that! (Thanks Nel for the hc)

admire each other a lot, but will not say it

when sleeping together North keeps getting in El’s side of the bed. (She pushes him out by literally kicking him) (and he somehow doesn’t wake up)

oh yeah I forgot, NORTH SNORES SO LOUDLY.

El Matador once tried to cover his mouth with water to stop the snoring but he began to choke (and he still somehow didn’t wake up)

when bored El asks North to carry her around the house

North canonically doesn’t shower a lot so his very dear gf (☺️) created a twitter account called “North’s days without showering count” in which she posts things like “day nine without north showering. He smells like hell and says going into the ocean counts as showering.” (account which went pretty viral)

when making out North usually grabs her by her waist

they are so dumb some of their conversations are like this

——“dude I was looking for my phone with my phones flashlight 😂😭”

——“oh my god 😂😭 where was it?”

North once got cancelled for punching a cameraman recording them getting out of a restaurant

they can be in the most serious talk of their life’s with the team and El would star rubbing north’s thight and then looking at him like “you know you want this” (once got caught and coach went on an one hour rant with the boys about why it was wrong)

For North’s birthday El gave him multiple photos of herself and made one of those rose petals path with candles to the room

The most romantic North has even done is letting El eat the last fry

North brushes El’s hair when he’s nervous

every time any of them have a hard day they just curl up on the bed hugging each other while the other one cries (but when asked they both deny it because what the fuck that’s so embarrassing)

talk shit together

——“I CANT believe they put Liquido number one in the best hair of the super league category, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?”

——“OH MY GOD I KNOW RIGHT IT LOOKS HORRENDOUS WHO EVEN FUCKED HIM UP THAT BADLY”

literally kissed in front of everyone after winning the super league but hey… Those are just rumors, alright??

El matador paints North’s nails but he usually ends up eating the nail polish when dry (again thanks Nel for the hc!!)

every time El sees North talk to someone she immediately comes and enters the conversation as she hugs North (jealous cunt)

Both confessed their love to each other when drunk at a super league event

North has an horrible photo of El sleeping as his phone wallpaper

They both sleep naked

NSFW headcanons:

both absolutely love riding each other

There isn’t a pose they haven’t tried out yet

They both have so much hickeys, and when people ask them why do they both CASUALLY have hickeys they’ll just say “yeah I think the mosquitos empire only comes for our necks… and torsos… and waists… and chests….”

THEY ARE SO LOUD OH MY GOD

once had sex in the beach, they’ve never had more fun (north’s idea)

If you wonder, the glasses ARE STAYING.

once had an argument because North came on her face and stained her glasses so she got mad at him, then North said that she should take the glasses off and oh my god north how could u say that to me learn to control your cum it’s not that hard

El once called North at 3am because she was feeling so horny and dirty talked until the sunrise (me and who..)

blowjobs >>>

they like it rough!!

absolutely despise three-ways. Once tried it out and couldn’t even finish

hair pulling at its finest!!

[oncemorewithqueering]

twin peaks sexuality headcanons

warning: very long

my god do I have THINGS to say about this show and 99 of them are about albert

so I thought before my feed is entirely twin peaks, I’d give my thoughts on the Outrageous Gay Tension of this show with some context

also ignore my handwriting, I’m very sick at the moment and have taken a lot of paracetamol (be more responsible than me kids)

spoilers for all 3 seasons, sorry

DALE COOPER

he/him

transmasc (FTM)

bisexual

listen. listen. trucoop is real rosencoop is real it’s all real. i love coop more than i can describe (which is weird considering I’m gay) and i heavily head cannoned him as trans and bi the second he drove onto my screen. i think he’d prefer men but women are also his cup of tea, or coffee rather. anyway he deserved better and he deserved to give Harry a little kiss.

HARRY TRUMAN

he/him

cisgender male

bisexual

i originally would have said Harry was gay, but I’m not a big fan of relationship erasure. yes, he is with josie. that’s why he’s bi.

i think Harry would have had a crush on some guys at school but would have bottled it down, until coop came to town, and he suddenly had a gay crisis. if i had to pinpoint a moment, i would say his initial realisation would have been when coop steals his nose (best scene) and he would have come to terms with it by the end of season 1.

even harry is not immune to the eyes of Dale cooper.

LAURA PALMER

she/they

cisgender female (but questioning her identity)

biromantic lesbian

first up, I’d like to give my consolidation to Laura palmer and anyone who may be reading who ever experienced something like her. she is my favourite character, apart from Coop Harry and Audrey, and i think she deserved so much better. PERSONALLY i think she and Donna had a very strong emotional romance but not necessarily a physical one. i think that her experiences with men caused her to do a big ol’ comphet and assume she liked being intimate with men. in reality, i think she wasn’t actually attracted to them but was doing it, alongside all the canon reasons, to reject her feelings to women.

and James happened, i guess.

DONNA HAYWARD

she/they

demigirl

homoflexible

idk whether i just see my identity in donna, but i think she definitely isn’t 100% female. i can’t explain it at all, but i just get the vibe.

as for her sexuality, obviously she and Laura had their thing, but i think her romantic tension with literally all. the. female. characters. initially made me think she was a lesbian. but, we have the James factor.

fucking James (my reaction whenever he is onscreen btw)

i think that her emotional intimacy to Laura would have naturally led her to the other emotionally intimate person in Laura’s life. i think James is the closest thing she has to Laura left, which is so sad. i love donna, idc what the widely accepted opinion is. i believe the ‘Just You’ song scene is her grappling with her feeling with maddy. i mean tbh if my girlfriend died and then her identical twin came back, i would probably be weird about it too.

AUDREY HORNE

she/they

trans femme (MTF) (i couldn’t fit it on the picture sorry)

biromantic demisexual

AUDREY AUDREY AUDREY AUDREY MY BELOVED

when i tell you i came out of twin peaks 15% gayer it is BECAUSE OF THIS GIRL. i love her storylines, her dialogue, her friendship with coop. it all feels so realistic! and her dancing!

back to the sexuality and gender thing, which is what this post is about, i personally believe her crush on coop came from a place of seeing a happy trans person comfortable in their identity and finding that beautiful. then translating that to love.

as for being biromantic, c’mon. donna and her definitely had a thing going for a bit. her demi sexuality comes from a place of her extreme discomfort in sex work (which is valid if you aren’t demisexual, by the way, but combined with her virginity until she forms a meaningful connection, the pieces fell into place for me. yes i am also demisexual and yes i am totally biased.)

ALBERT ROSENIFELD

he/him (because he is Him)

trans masc (FTM)

gay as fuck

“I love you, sheriff Truman”

I’m sorry??? excuse me?

albert is gay in so many ways it’s not even funny. with coop. with Harry. with gordon in season 3. and my trans headcanon? idk i just sort of vibed with it. normalise head canonning people as gay or trans with no reason.

also i love the idea that Denise, Albert and coop are just a group of trans fbi agents. we already have Mulder from the x files we need more (tell me if you want an x files version of this)

GORDON COLE

he/him

cisgender male

bicurious

i honestly can’t tell if David lynch would curse me for this post or just shrug it off

anyway. gordon didn’t strike me as being particularly fruity until season 3, when he had his whole trans power speech and those weirdly domestic scenes with albert. like, pop off little fbi husbands. i think he’s still working through period-typical biphobia and isn’t ready to say he’s bi. but i think with time he will be.

someone needs to take me away from this show for like a week and sit me down with some literature. I’d just gay headcanon it anyway (looking at you Sherlock Holmes)

BOBBY BRIGGS

they/he

demiboy

bisexual

the more i watch this show, the more i think to myself…”Bobby is…me?” idk whether it’s dana ashbrook’s truly unhinged and amazing performance, the weird nervous gay energy and the lack of masculinity for a character who would normally be obnoxiously masculine. i love him so much.

i think Bobby would struggle in the gender norms of being the child of a military man. and the sexuality norms of being the “bad boy” in school. i firmly believe that he is bisexual, because let’s face it, everyone in this godforsaken show is bi. find me ONE straight character. ONE STRAIGHT.

SHELLY JOHNSON

she/her

cisgender female

heteroflexible and demisexual

SHELLY IS A LITTLE BIT GAY BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD AS I WAS WATCHING THIS I WAS THIS CLOSE (HOLDS FINGERS TOGETHER) TO KISSING MY TV SCREEN.

shelly seems like the sort of person to have been raised with certain heteronormative values. but, i think after going out with Bobby, i think she’d have a little sit and think and say “huh maybe i would kiss a girl.” she hasn’t, yet, but that’s just because her crushes so far have been on men. if she met the right girl, she would.

i think her demisexuality comes partly from trauma and also because we need something in common because, if i haven’t made it clear, i LOVE HER.

HAWK

he/him

cisgender male

gay

don’t be lying about that poetry being for your girlfriend hawk. this is the only character where i will defy canon, fold my arms and say no. i love that hawk got a bigger role in season 3, and i think that based off all i know about him (being the best character) i would headcanon him as being gay. why? idk. look at him?

hawk would totally just rock up one day with a guy on his arm, no explanation, and say nothing until Lucy stumbled into asking him about this guy. and he’d just be like “oh this is my husband. yeah we’ve been married for 6 years. you were at the wedding, we just didn’t tell you it was a wedding.”

iconic.

also i had hair envy the entire show, i wish that when i straightened my hair it was that luxurious.

LUCY BRENNAN

she/her

cisgender female

bisexual

I’m sorry Lucy, no one is THAT frazzled and not sapphic. it’s a rule.

i feel like Lucy would consider herself straight until she was taught about the internet, got a Facebook account, and promptly shut it down, but before doing that saw the word ‘bisexual’ and felt weirdly drawn to it. Andy was, of course, super supportive if a little confused. she’s still figuring it out.

i feel like she’d wear sweaters in the bisexual colours and be very happy whenever someone noticed.

ANDY BRENNAN

he/him

cisgender male

straight ally (but not really)

Andy is straight, but like more in a straight with a question mark way. maybe if he hadn’t dated Lucy, maybe if they hadn’t fallen in love, he would have caught feelings for a guy. after Lucy came out, he did some thinking, but decided to keep it to himself. who knows, maybe his tulpa is “kinda gay” (obligatory Buffy reference)

WE ARE DONE LADIES AND GENTS AND PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT EITHER BUT STILL HIGHLY ESTEEMED.

so, thoughts? I’m gonna do a part two with the season 3 exclusive characters, and some characters i forgot, like Norma, ed, Hank, josie, James….and Wyndam Earl. OH and Denise

thank you so much for bearing with me, and love y’all 🫶

(not as much as I’ll ever love Shelly)

[loveeeeeeeeeeeere]

I’m not sure if I’m gay or not I like men I do I love them I want to marry them…..but then I see a woman and I want to just devour her and love her and worship her until I’m dead…..it’s so weird you know even to a point of when I touch myself i imagine a woman touching me or when a woman calls me babe or honey (I live in the south) I’m begging for this woman to give me attention and adore me like I want to adore her…..but I’m Christian and I care about my religion and I mean I want men and I know God will be happy with that but I also love women and God and my. Family won’t be happy..I’m sorry to dump this on you I just wanted to at least get some comfort on this situation you know

Gracie 🦇

hi Gracie <3 so first of all “sexuality and religion” thing is a very common “problem” so I hope you’re not feeling alone in this. I’m not religious I have kind of more spiritual beliefs you could say so I can only imagine what you’re feeling. You shouldn’t say sorry for this I’m glad you’re speaking about this and if you need any more talking or some comfort you can definitely message me. I wanted to advise you some things but then I realised that they might be too rebellious for you based on your anon so I don’t think you’d take them lol. But again if you want to talk about this more in detail then dms open. Also what do you feel about bisexuality? Cuz I feel you’re one of us. Anyway wishing you the best <3

[fishtankwater]

Good morning! could u do kazuichi nsfw alphabet :) gn or fem reader plsss and pref top reader have a nice day :D

OH THANK FUCK I FINALLY GOT A REQUEST

I was getting so bored waiting on one 😭

Uh anyway Tysm to this anon

AND HOLY SHIT I HAVE RSV. I AHVE A BABY VIRUS. A BABY VIRUS. SOBBING

Anyway my bad for ranting

Kazuichi souda x GN!Reader

CW- nsfw shit that’s it idk what to put here anymore 😭🤛🏻

Currently listening- Dumb Dick

A-Aftercare

Bro…Kaz would give so many kisses and praise the SHIT out of you. But if you degraded him he would need praise cuz let’s be honest he would think it’s true and probs cry

Also he’ll probably struggle to know what you want and ask 2663825372 questions. PLEASE shower with him after he wants it. Do it. You know you want to

B-Body part

Him- his muscles 💀

I forget he’s muscular sometimes it’s genuinely so weird to think abt. But PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SQUEEZE HIS BICEPS he loves it sm.

You- let’s be honest. The titties if u have em if not you chest in general

That whole vicinity is just chefs kiss to him If you have tits he will put his hands up ur shirt and squeeze them while cuddling and he’d probs calm them his “best friends” 💀

C- Cum

The first time he came as a kid he probably got scared cuz he didn’t know what it was and called his dad and was like “HELPPP” 😭. Ok I’m sorry for bullying him

His cum is probably sweet with a salty aftertaste if that makes sense and he cums a small amount so uh savor it while you can 😘

D-Dirty secret

Bro has so many pics of you naked in his camera roll he also records your moans/whimpers while y’all fuck tbh

AND HE SAVES EVERY VIDEO OF YOU HE CAN FIND he will become a professional stalker the second y’all become intimate or start dating

E-Experience

Unpopular opinion but I think he has a decent amount of experience like— not with women with the men AND HE WILL STILL DENY TAHT HE IS BISEXUAL “no I only did it because I was bored” AHHAHAHSHSHSJSHSJ

F-Favorite position

Please ride him. Please. Do it

OR SUCK HIM OFF IN THE SHOWER SUDHEHDHDBDJHE

“D-darlin-A-ah!”

STOP I CANT BRWTAHE

G- Goof Off

Depends what mood he’s in like sometimes he’ll be chillin laid back not caring how he acts and sometimes he’ll be stressed and just want to love you n shit

H- Hair

Def dyed his pubes pink LMAO

but there’s little to nonexistent hair

J-Jack off

Always thinks of you when it happens cuz he’s too embarrassed to ask for your help (poor baby)

L- Location

Anywhere anytime you ask he provides 💀

He prefers the bed to shower tho tbh

M-Motivation

Anything you do lol

But specifically seeing ur thighs, ass, or seeing you change or the thought of you showering like you being naked he has a urge to come in there with you tbh

N-Nuhuh

No hurting you bedsides a lil biting and maybe spanking. He also doesn’t wanna degrade you like he loves you and has no reason to think otherwise. Also other than overstim and biting he doesn’t wanna be hurt like bro 😔

O- Oral

Giver 💪🏻

Bro…the only time he will EVER overstim u is during oral like 😍 he loves your taste he can’t help it

When receiving he will buck his hips squirm whimper and cry tbh like out of happiness like it feels so good he can’t help it

P- Pace

Slow and steady wins the race

Bro will edge himself he doesn’t wanna go fast n hurt you to rush for it to be over he lovessss making love to you

Q- Quickies

“NOT HAPPENING!” -kazuichi souda

R-Risk

YES bro if your ok with it he will do it

He loves having public sex sm

S-Stamina

As long as you want him to go he will go

Wanna go for 5 hours? Ok bet he may not have much stamina that’s why he loves riding or cowgirl

T-Toy

Nope nada nee

HE wants to pleasure YOU not some toy

U-Unfair

No he would never but when you tease him he gets so shocked like jaw dropped to the floor but he loves it it’s like OSNHECSHSGHEHBRHEJHEH

V-Volume

WHIMPER-ER

Bro when he does moan he will moan so loudly too like are you trying to get the neighbors to call the cops on us??

W- Wild card

He gets jealous of gundham and pulls you aside to fuck the shit out of you like one of the only times he ever told you is when he’s jealous

X-X-Ray

I watched a video on yt that gives headcannon dog their dick size and tbh it seems kind of accurate his was 5 inches which I think it would maybe like that or 6 inch anywhere between 5-6 inches tbh (6inch= 15.24 centimeters 5inch= 12.7 centimeters for my non American people)

Y-Yearning

He’s horny 24/7/365 ok shut up

Z-ZZZZZZZ

He will be tired but try to stay awake to eat drink take a shower and then he’s out 😘

[highfiveheroes]

HI CAN I HEAR THE DEEP DIVE PLS I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ON APPLESPRINGS

APPLESPRING DEEP DIVE HEY!!! HEY!!!!!!!

also sorry in advance i lost the plot halfway through and i fucking. i love them. anyway no read mores we die like dayne blade

oh god okay what is so important to me. is that first and foremost. kristen and gorgug have such a Relationship they have connections other people don’t and i just. fuck man. they died together on day one and i fucking. i love them man. anyway

it is vital to me that. kristen is still a Lesbian. she does not like men and this is important to me. but she cares So Deeply About Gorgug, like. fabian and riz and adaine and fig are her brothers and sisters. she doesn’t replace the applebees brothers, but she finds a new set of family, and they all mean something to her. but for some reason. gorgug to me has this intrinsic understanding of her that is so Different to how everyone else sees her, and. shameless plug i have a whole series of fics about them and how they interact and it’s love without being in love because i’m so scared to commit to writing it

because the big thing is that i project the hell onto gorgug when it comes to gender, and its. gorgug’s gender is mashed potatoes. i cannot explain better than that but i will try like. he’s not Not a guy. he is just a Guy. but a guy in the sense that people say “hey you’re a guy” and that’s not Right but it’s not Wrong. and if fig comes in and says they’re doing makeup and nail polish and wearing dresses onstage he will do that as well. he doesn’t have a problem. because how other people see him when it comes to gender specifically (and it ties into his upbringing, having people look at this gnome family with their half orc son and having Opinions) he doesn’t Care how other people see him. they can assign whatever they want to him. inside his brain, if prodded, is just a ball of mashed potatoes, because he doesn’t care. gendernonconforming/nonbinary gorgug is the love of my fucking life i have. so many thoughts. gorgug thistlespring i have so many thoughts.

but the other part of this is. hear me out. aromantic/demiromantic, bisexual. gorgug Likes Sex. he has been very clear about this to me from like. early on, he’s not ashamed of it (with himself, his parents are a whole other thing). but i don’t think he Likes being a boyfriend. he didn’t put That much effort into it with zelda unless encouraged, and he didn’t seem torn up about the break up, and i think he cared about zelda but it didn’t. mean the same to him, but he did like the crazy sex part of it that came with her family. and then i have Never understood gorgug and mary ann until i took this take on him because mary ann isn’t Trying to have sweet sappy romance. the extent of it is “hey. i wanted to be friends. i still do. i have a bench. let’s fuck.” and gorgug just. it hits Right for him, so that works out

but factoring kristen into gorgug’s whole mashed potatoes and gravy deal??? kristen, the person he shares an unbreakable and completely unique bond with? kristen, his best friend, who was ALSO hypersexual for most of her last relationship? kristen who went through a breakup at the same time as gorgug, who has the same uncertainty about how her family Wanted her to be versus who she became? (and gorgug, whose parents love him but told him to try to keep the rage under control for so long, who also put him into a box he was never meant for, who on day one died and came back wrong next to a girl who was chosen, died, and also came back wrong, endured relentlessly, walked into a forest even though he thought she was dead and told all of his friends it’s gorgug, keep going?)

what was the point of this. queer platonic but sexual but not platonic but still sexual relationship. gorgug and kristen love each other more than anything and they’ll do anything for each other and they’ll do anything to make the other person happy with no strings attached and they died together okay

applespring that was the point wasn’t it. anyway i love them i have Thoughts

[ninareviewsfilms]

Queering the heteronormative… but make it pink

“I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! Oh my god... they were right. I'm a homo.”

Released in 1999, But I’m a Cheerleader is truly an iconic, camp-filled queer film ahead of its time. I remember stumbling across this film when I was 13. Perfect timing for someone questioning their sexuality, and life in general. I was immediately hooked so watching But I’m a Cheerleader has become a ritual of sorts; it has become my favorite queer film. Uneducated and unfamiliar with queer media, the younger me was immediately drawn to the B-movie chick-flick aesthetic (I was, and still am, a devourer of chick-flicks). Little did I know I was about to watch a genius concoction of satire that subverts the heteronormative by whimsically playing with outrageous queer stereotypes.

Played exquisitely by Natasha Lyonne, the protagonist Megan is sent to a conversion camp by her devout Christian parents, believing her to be a lesbian (oh no). In denial, Megan exasperates: “I’m not perverted. I get good grades. I go to church. I’m a cheerleader!”.

Arriving at the camp, we see two outrageously exaggerated gender roles of men and women. The men are dressed in baby blue uniforms, while the women are adorned with pastel pink skirts. On top of the artificially binary gender roles, we also have all the typical stereotypes of queer people: the flamboyant gays, closeted homophobes, goth and butch lesbians, and our very own lipstick lesbian protagonist. The introduction of the camp already reveals the absurdity of heteronormative stereotypes and their enforcement. The film continuously jabs at such norms while Megan begins her journey of self-discovery – coming to terms with her sexuality – in an overtly ridiculous yet candid way.

And on top of tackling such heavy topics humorously, the film also manages to have a very adorable and genuine romance between Megan and Graham (oh Clea DuVall, my bisexual awakening).

Graham, a rebel, and unwavering lesbian is everything pink-loving, ‘girly’ cheerleader Megan is not. They bicker constantly about ideals, and what it means to be gay or straight. With such contrasting personalities, the romantic sparks that fly is undeniable and beautiful to witness. I remember crying; it was the first unapologetically queer film I watched after all. This intricate play into different queer stereotypes stylistically subverts the heteronormative, showing how all types of queer people are valid and inevitable, regardless of their appearance and interests.

Perhaps my favorite aspect of the film, is how Megan's ‘lesbianism’ was to be forced out by the conversion camp, but instead, she learned to accept her sexuality, fall in love, and ended up queerer than ever. The film’s message may be told in a satirical and quirky way, but it is simple: being gay is okay. After years of relentlessly (and yummily) consuming queer media, this is still one of (if not) the only sapphic films with a happy ending. Despite the traumatic backstories of everyone, they all learn to accept themselves, and the world around them. But I’m a Cheerleader was pivotal in the discovery of my own sexuality, and it did it in such an endearing and understandable way that together with Megan, I also learned to accept my sexuality.

[odetodilfs]

Meant to be (Multi part series) Part 1

This is a story from you and Hopper's first meeting all the way up to your other life, reader is a photographer than got sent to photograph Hawkins' nature, but you might end up meeting a sexy Chief of Police...

Pairings: Jim Hopper x male reader (background Murray x Alexei) Warnings (growing list but here's what's definitely coming): Scent kink, sex pollen, slight degrading, praising, mention of drugs, homophobic slurs, homophobia in general and violence. This is a love story with some smut, not just something quick to get off to. A Modern day AU where Hawkins is just a normal small town that's pretty conservative, El has no powers, no nothing.

You had accepted to go and live in Hawkins temporarily because the company you photographed for had said that they wanted pictures of scenery from there from all 4 seasons of the year, you knew that a small town wasn’t the best place to be a queer man in even if it was 2023, but still, it was good money.

One thing you weren’t expecting from Hawkins was how handsome the Chief of Police was, that beard, his blue eyes and his arms, legs and ass made you tingly, god, you ached to have him, but guys like this were always straight, plus, you were gonna stay here for over a year, not forever… 

A week into your new life in Hawkins you were walking down the street, coffee in your hand listening to music with your camera in your hand, heading to the forest so you could do what you were sent there to do, take pictures, not thirst over Chief Jim Hopper, taking pictures. You must not have been paying attention to the sidewalk and you tripped over, your coffee spilling but a strong pair of arms caught you before you could fall, “oh god..” you said as you distinguished that familiar greenish color of the Chief’s uniform… “Careful there” he said, smirking, was the world trying to make you go into overdrive?? “Oh- hey Chief… sorry about that…” you looked at the spilled cup of coffee, “No issue, everyone screws up,” he said, he noticed the headphones in your ears, “What you listening to?” he said, trying to break that uncomfortable silence, you handed him the earphones as he smiled, the song Every breath you take sounding, “I love this song, you have good taste” he said as patted your shoulder, how could a man be so fine?

“Where are you heading anyways? This is close to the forest” he said, “Oh, I’m a photographer, they want me to catch scenes from the nature here in Hawkins,” you said, “Ah, I was just heading for my car over there to go back to my cabin,” he said, pointing at his blazer, “I can give you a ride if you want…” your mind immediately thinking about the other dirty things he could mean with that, but you accepted despite your hardening cock.

In the car, he lit a cigarette, “Want one?” he asked, “No thanks, I don’t like them” you said, as you drove into the forest, you told him to stop close to a rock, “There!” you pointed at a rock at the edge of the river, you ran out of the car and photographed there for about half an hour in the area, he even stepped out of the car and smiled as you looked happy photographing this place, he was mesmerized, you were so pretty.

Jim Hopper was a bisexual man, he had shoved down his feelings for men all his life, occasionally crushing on a guy, especially considering how he grew up in a small town in the 90s it was only natural to be scared, but something about you made him feel safe, while at the same time he found you attractive, very attractive in fact, Hopper was taken out of his flashbacks as he heard something falling, it was you, he ran towards you as you hissed in pain at your scraped knee, “Are you okay?” he asked, “Yes- I’m fine.. let’s go now..” “No no no, you’re coming to my cabin and I’ll clean that wound, it’s covered in soil” he said, firmly, that dominant manner made something in your pants begin to grow… “NOT the time” you said to yourself as you walked and got in the Blazer. “I know it hurts, but it’s better in the long run” he said as you gave a small shout in pain from the alcohol he was putting on your wound. “Thank you, chief” you said, “Oh please, call me Jim” he said, you smiled, you somehow felt safe with this man even if you’d known him for an hour and a half, “You comin’ to the bar tonight? We can hang out” he said as you left, “Sure, I’ll try to be there” you smiled at him then left… You actually did go to the bar that night and you ended up becoming good friends after that, best friends even, you learnt he had recently adopted a girl called El that he kept in his cabin and that he had been divorced for 10 years after his daughter Sarah died. You also told him you were gay around a month into the friendship, he said that it was okay and that it didn’t matter, but then a few weeks later Hopper told you about how he was bi, maybe you did have a chance after all?