#god I love basset hounds

[redak-ted]

i have more incorrect quotes and its the fruity four + the certified dilf and his traumatized husband

Miles: Man, traffic's a pain in the assssss.

Hobie: Daddy's home!

Gwen: Just call him Bayer, or Bear or something, Daddy is reserves for your mother to use.

Pav: I'm about to have one less girlfriend in a minute.

Miles: This food is too hot… I cant eat it.

Hobie: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.

Everyone at the table: silence

Gwen: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Pav: One dinner… I just want ONE DINNER!

[The group is a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]

Miles: Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of… 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake

Hobie: You're in a prison cell :)

Gwen: You did great. Well, I got a 10-

Hobie: You're in a prison cell with bars on it

Pav: I got a 1!

Hobie: You're in… a cube-shaped place.

Miles: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Hobie: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Gwen?

Gwen: Probably “road work ahead”.

Pav: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Miles: Dammit, Hobie!

Hobie: What?! It wasn’t me!

Miles: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Gwen!

Gwen: Not me either.

Miles: Oh…Then who set the house on fire?

Pav: whistles

Miles: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Miles and Hobie, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Gwen: Our turn, Pav! One, two, three- vanilla!

Pav, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

Gwen, about Miles: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Hobie: Are we stealing them?

Pav: New or used?

Gwen: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Gwen: Just be yourself.

Hobie: 'Be myself'? Gwen, I have one day to win Miles over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Pav: Couple weeks.

Peter: Six months.

Miguel: Jury’s still out.

Hobie: See, Gwen?

Hobie: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

Miles: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Hobie: What if it bites me and it dies?

Gwen: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Hobie, learn to listen.

Pav: What if it bites itself and I die?

Peter: That’s voodoo.

Pav: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Hobie: That’s correlation, not causation.

Miguel: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Peter: That’s kinky.

Miles: Oh my God.

Miles: Bye Hobie! Bye Gwen! Bye Pav! Bye Peter! Bye Hobie!

Gwen: You said ‘bye Hobie’ twice.

Miles: I like Hobie~

Miles: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!

Pav: To the city?

Miles: Yeah, no matter what!

Peter: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?

Miles: I… I don't know!

Hobie: Oh come off it, be serious!

Miles: I am serious!

Hobie: You're insane!

Gwen: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!

Everyone:

Miles: What???

Gwen: Or maybe it was a basset hound!

Hobie, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!

Miles: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Gwen: 'Prettiest Smile'

Pav: 'Nicest Personality'

Miguel: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Peter: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Miles: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

Hobie: Nope, absolutely not.

Gwen: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Pav: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Peter: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Miguel: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’

Miles: Thanks fam!

Hobie: oh no

Gwen: cries I love you too

Pav: Sounds fake but okay

Peter: A flustered mess

Miguel: can i get a refund

[elsweetheart]

bsf!hazel being jealous when you’re getting ready for a date and tries to get you to stay home 🤧

omg the tension wait

“so like, who is this girl anyway… do i know her?” hazel shrugs what she thinks is casually as she rests on her elbow on your bed, laid on her side watching you do your makeup through the light up mirror of your dresser.

“i met her on hinge, remember? we’ve been talking and she seems actually not half bad, which is rare for a dating app.” you concentrate on tapping the liquid highlight into the bouncy skin over your cheekbone, not noticing the way she’s staring at you desperately through the reflection.

“hinge? so you’ve never met her? what if she’s like… an axe murderer or something. you know i heard this crazy story about this girl who went on a hinge date and ended up in a suitcase and i’m just—” she starts but you cut her off with a chuckle.

“let me guess, that story involved a man. how often do you hear about women doing that kinda thing? gay women, even?” you spin in your chair, throwing her an amused smile with your head tilted to the side slightly. she didn’t respond, and not because she didn’t have anything to say— ‘cause she totally did, but because you looked like an angel in that moment, mirror lights illuminating you, high points of your face glowing under the low light. she should be the one taking you out.

you speak again before she gets the chance. “whats the issue anyway? its like you don’t want me to go.” you complain, voice quieter as you concentrate on lining your bottom lip, speech a little slurred as you keep your mouth fairly stationary as to not mess up.

“i just… i just think it’s a bad idea. anyway you were supposed to hang out with me tonight.” she sulks, sitting up just to slump her shoulders dejectedly, feet hanging off the bed and hands dangling between her knees. your posture softens, standing up and coming to sit next to her on the bed, wrapping your arm around her, resting your temple on her shoulder.

“i’m sorry, haze. y’know it’s not like that. i won’t be all night, i’ll come right back to you afterwards and we can watch movies.” you lift your head, grinning in a way you hope convinces her. she turns her face to you, sad, and whole body drooping like a basset-hound.

“or just don’t go” she sighs softly. you stare at her, swallowing a lump in your throat, something stirring in your stomach. surely… not?

“why not, haze?” you whisper, looking at her through your thick, mascara’d lashes.

“hinge girl doesn’t love you.” she returns your tone. you laugh openly, shaking your head.

“no shit, dingus — i haven’t met her yet. but she could fall in love with me, eventually, i mean it’s not totally impossible.” your smile is still cemented on your face and hazel hasn’t smiled once.

“she will.” her voice is quiet but firm, 100% factual. “shes gonna totally fall in love with you. maybe even on the first date.” god, the eye contact is intense. you can’t bring yourself to look away. your eyes flutter for a moment, trying to comprehend what she’s getting at.

“well…” you’re at a loss. “so what if she does?”

hazel just stares at you, before turning her face away to stare ahead. she’s met with her own reflection in your light up mirror, watching the sight of you sat right up next to her on the bed, staring at her. this is how it should be. she side-glances at you, eyes naturally dropping to your mouth, and then your outfit, and then back to your eyes, her head tilted back a little. she looked really good.

“‘kay, i won’t go.” you shake your head, suddenly filled with the desire to… please her? you wanted to be on her good side. hazel was good to you and… you suddenly… you just weren’t feeling this date anymore. her expression doesn’t change except her brows raising, head still tilted back a little.

“really?” she asks, like she didn’t think her words would actually move you.

“…i… yeah. i don’t know. maybe you’re right. maybe she’s gonna kill me, or something.” you chuckle nervously, feeling fizzles in your tummy and you wasn’t sure why. anxious? not really. nervous? a little. was it hazel?

“yeah.” she continues staring at you, and you feel hot under her gaze. what had gotten into her?

“stop.” you laugh shakily, half focused on sending your date a shitty little excuse via imessage. hazels brows furrow a little.

“stop what?”

“looking at me like that. you got your way.” you pout, throwing your phone to the side.

“sorry.” she exhales, looking away from a moment before her eyes shift back to you suddenly with a smirk. “you totally dropped your date for me.”

“you told me to.” you huff, turning your body to face her more on the bed.

“and you did it… dude i have power over you, that’s crazy.” she chuckles and you stare at her dumbfounded.

“of course you do you’re…” you cut yourself off and she raises her eyebrows.

“wait, i’m what?” she asks, her usual curious self.

“you’re… you. i’d drop anything for you.” you shrug honestly, looking at your hands before back up at her. she stares at you, jaw a little gaped.

“well… yeah… same goes for you…” she stares at your mouth shamelessly. “or whatever.”

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Losing My Mind Over Veilguard 6/?? Aka the Dread Wolf Double Bind

These posts are getting up here in number (yes ma'am that is 1 2 3 4 5 instances of me not being able to get my shit together and coming back again for more)

and quite frankly there's nothing I can do about it until the "we've been treated and tormented by this game" demon has been exorcised from my body, so here we go again.

Today I give to you:

(Modeled after Inquisition Solas and his sad, bald-ass basset hound mage bum glory becuase I think it's important that newcomers know exactly who his fans fell in love with/who inspired his enemies to conduct speed-runs to punch him. Yassified Solas ran only because this mangled membranous man crawled first)

Part of what's making me lose my mind here, I've discovered, is a strange sort of survivor's guilt where everything I really like or really hate about Veilguard can be traced back to Solas and I don't know how to deal with it because we've never had such a divide before between one character getting ALL the content and everyone else from their game being left in the absolute dust.

Disclaimer: Yeah, no one from Origins has had more screen time across games than Morrigan at this point, and therefore no one has gotten more robbed of the substance of their character, but even the damage done to her wasn't the kind that warped an entire game. No, the devs saved that all for the Dread Wolf in the Room.

Even putting it down on paper and comparing the two in-game versions of him, it took me a second to work through why I'm so conflicted, but I think I've finally settled on a few key points.

Concern #1: Solas Haters Were Robbed.

Part of the allure of Solas is that if you want to punch that man in the face, you're gonna get the chance to punch him in the face. Is that my personal preference? No. But in a game where your companions are built to make you think instead of letting you turn your brain off, you're bound to have personalities that clash against yours. To have such a non-descript-looking iambic-pentameter-talking apostate be able to inspire strong emotions across the whole spectrum of players was part of his appeal. Now, as far as I understand it, you have four options at the end of Veilguard.

1. Solas lives and he might actually not hate himself some day.

2. Solas lives and he's absolutely going to write a diary entry a night about why he hates himself.

3. Solas lives and he's going to write a diary entry a night about why he hates YOU.

4. Solas lives and you better hope he never again figures out how to live in your general vicinity

Do you see my concern here? I, shamelessly, can admit that I would do unspeakable fictional things to get that man his happy ending (within reason...mostly...), but I feel like the game took the opportunity away from the players who threw that knife in their map at the end of Trespasser and vowed to take a bitch down for stealing their best armor and waxing poetic about the Grey Wardens while seemingly sitting on his ass and having no inclination to stop the blight (help). This, then, leads me into my second issue.

Concern #2: The Game Refuses to Give Solas room outside of its own agenda

In the near-decade it took for Solas to slip back into his trickster god persona, he seems to have forgotten why he began his quest to tear down the veil in the first place. I like that Rook gets to experience the version of our favorite hard boiled egg that near-singlehandedly tore down several empires by being an absolute terror to those with bigger egos. I like that new players are going to hear Solas tell them that they've earned his respect and actually believe it until they inevitably get their first taste of ancient elven betrayal. What I don't like? When a nuanced yearning for a world in which three majorly mistreated groups (spirits, elves, mages) would be free from many of the constraints that enabled their oppression suddenly becomes "I am doing this because if I don't I have betrayed my friend. Which friend you ask? Oh, the one that was on board with my plan until it no longer suited the story."

The combo of few characters from previous games and a sanitized near-blank slate for the setting of this game was deadly to one of its best-written characters. Because of it, Solas is forced to abandon his double-speak, the joy he takes in giving you scraps of an answer that, by the time you get it, you will already have missed the chance to piece it together from separate clues that he ALSO dropped. He's not going to get to show you the loyal followers the epilogue of Inquisition made clear that he has, because the game wants to usher you into the new future of the series. You're not going to get to ask him (or any NPCs for that matter) a bunch of questions so that you can form your own opinion of him, because all that matters is that he isn't Elgar'nan or Ghilan'nain so let's move along, shall we?

Because the game needs exposition and a foil to its two other baddies, and needs it FAST, the mythic Dread Wolf becomes a plot device designed to get you where you need to go when you need to be there. It doesn't work purely for that reason alone, at least in my opinion, but it gets so much worse when a game that promises you that it's going to work for players new and old relies on someone experienced players want a personal reckoning with to guide every Rook through the game only to realize that those questions of morality regarding whether the veil is torturous for a subjugated few or the only thing preserving most of life as we know it are going to have to remain questions.

You don't get a choice of whether Solas is in your party or not, and you can't advance in the game without talking to him. You don't get to choose not to impress him. You don't get to choose whether you're going to work with him in the final battle, and as previously mentioned, your only real choice in how his story ends is one of four options in which he lives every time in varying states of self-loathing. You're still going to love him or hate him, but just how strongly you're able to show those feelings towards him is severely curtailed. And that's an absolute shame for a character that commanded such fierce attention.

And that's where, ultimately, I find myself with a weird amount of survivor's guilt.

When I finished my Veilguard playthrough, I had barely a moment to fully contemplate the amount of whiplash and disappointment I felt going from a Solas that I had spent almost a decade knowing to a One Dimensional Fen'Harel who threw out his core values and goals like they were chilling in a cup of tea before. Why? Because I very quickly felt guilty. And then I got angry for feeling guilty!

The game's failure to adequately represent its other characters and lore has created a world in which I don't like the Solas we've been given, but I can't live without him either. Who am I to complain that his most complex and compelling features are gone when other players are mourning the fact that the last they may ever hear of their favorite character is reduced to a scrap in the codex? How can I be frustrated at how the Lavellan reunion scene goes down when other players would kill for the chance to have their Inquisitor seemingly give any sort of shit about being in the game aside from being told it was mandatory to earn participation points? How can I lament the fact that his storyline seems to share all the wrong lessons to be learned from a toxic friendship rooted in a never-equalized power imbalance when someone else is watching Morrigan pull a complete 180 and wondering why the fuck they spent so much time researching whether or not her accepting her mother's choices as her own was what she truly wanted? At least Solas still loves Lavellan, even though we needed to ask Trick Weekes several follow up questions just to double check. At least Solas gets more in the epilogue than one empty "we remember the heroes that came before" platitude.

And to suddenly fear any appearances of past characters from a studio that used to make me stay up theorizing about how a character might grow and evolve and continue to impact the world I helped shape? It's depressing as hell, and it's why I was too scared to get attached to any of the new companions once I finally got past the writing and lack of complexity.

The people that hate Solas, deserved better.

The people that valued what he brought to their Inquisitor's small but strong group of friends deserved better.

The people that love Solas more than Sera loved pissing him off deserved better.

And new players, who had a chance to engage with one of the most powerful storylines in the game and instead got a heaping dose of Deus Ex Machina Lite, deserved better.

If taking a character that had the potential and power needed to shape an entire continent and banishing him one of four different ways to Fade jail so that the book could quickly be closed on a years-long legacy is what the studio is calling a return to their roots, I'll stick with the efforts of fans to create art and theories that aren't afraid to double down into what actually keeps people coming back for more.

[aut189]

Your prompt:

Shawn: WHY. why did you give Lassiter a KNIFE?!

Juliet: I'm sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Shawn: Now I feel unsafe!

Juliet: I'm sorry.

Juliet : ... would you like a knife?

Your prompt:

Shawn: If Gus and I were drowning, who would you save?

Lassiter: You two can't swim?

Shawn: It's a hypothetical question, Lassiter! who would you save?

Lassiter: my time and effort.

Your prompt:

Shawn: They stole from me first!

Juliet : Mhm.

Shawn: Stole my heart...

Lassiter: It is still illegal to commit murder.

Your prompt:

Shawn: How's the sexiest person here~?

Juliet: I don't know, how are they~?

Shawn, flustered: I-

Lassiter, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Your prompt:

Shawn: Lassiter, my old arch enemy.

Declan : ... I thought I was your arch enemy?

Shawn: I have a life outside of you, Declan.

Your prompt:

Shawn: I CAN'T DO IT!

Gus, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Shawn: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Jules: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Shawn:

Shawn: I appreciate it, Shawn: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Lassiter : Shawn-

Shawn: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Despereaux: Shawn we gotta-Shawn: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Shawn: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?' Shawn, motioning to Karen: NOT FUCKING THIS

Your prompt:

Shawn: I'm kind of crushing on someone, but I'm worried about telling you who it is, because you're not going to like it Juliet: Just rip the bandage off.

Shawn: It's Lassiter.

Juliet: Put the bandage back on.

Your prompt:

Gus: Why are your tongues purple?

Lassiter: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Shawn: I had a red one.

Gus: oh

Gus: OH

Juliet :

Juliet: You drank each other's slushies?

Your prompt:

Shawn: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!

Gus: To the city?

Shawn: Yeah, no matter what!

Buzz: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?

Shawn: I... I don't know!

Juliet: Oh come off it, be serious!

Shawn: I am serious!

Juliet: You're insane!

Lassiter: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!

Everyone:

Shawn: What???

Lassiter: Or maybe it was a basset hound!

Juliet, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!

Your prompt:

Shawn: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Juliet : Rude.

Lassiter: That's fair.

Gus: Not again.

Buzz: Are you going to want this back?

Your prompt:

Shawn: We need to get through this locked door. Juliet, give me your credit card.

Juliet : Here.

Shawn, pocketing it: Thanks.

Lassiter, kick down the door.

Your prompt:

Shawn: Lassiter, can I talk to you for a second?

Lassiter: Yeah, what's up? Lemme guess. You and Pierre are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Shawn: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I've read books.

Your prompt:

Shawn: Hey Pierre, Pierre: Yes?

Shawn: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it's on?

Pierre:

Pierre: Where's Lassiter?

Your prompt:

Shawn: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10?

Strive for greatness.

Pierre: Next time you're working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex's house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Lassiter: There were so many mixed messages in that I can't-

Your prompt:

Shawn: Pierre, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Pierre: I don't know, love you, talk to you later

Shawn: Ok, I love you too, I just ask Lassiter.

Your prompt:

*The squad is having dinner together*

Shawn: Pierre, can you pass the salt?

Pierre: *Throws Lassiter across the table*

Your prompt:

Shawn: You have to apologize to Pierre

Lassiter: Fine.

Lassiter: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

Your prompt:

Lassiter: *Gets down on one knee* Pierre: Oh my god, it's finally happening.

Lassiter: *Falls over*

Pierre: The poison is kicking in.

Your prompt:

Shawn: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'

Shawn: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Your prompt:

Lassiter, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

Your prompt:

Lassiter: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand.

*Lightning strikes Lassiter*

Lassiter: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

Your prompt:

Lassiter: Some of you may die, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Your prompt:

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like

Lassiter*

Lassiter: Okay, are you like BLIND?

You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

[shmowder]

I have some more dessert headcanons 🍰 I doubt I can explain but it's just a feeling I have. Daniil would like Turkish Delight. Lara and Artemy both like fruit pies, best is blueberry for Lara and rhubarb (it's a vegetable but whatever) for Artemy (oh god I'm stereotyping based on colors again). Candy corn for Clara. Candy corn is divisive but I actually like it. I think Grief would like candy in general, maybe those little chocolates with liquor inside, and cinnamon flavored things. Big Vlad - mincemeat pie. Rubin - bread. Just bread. Red velvet cake for Katerina, meringues for Eva. For Aspity, those dirt pies made out of oreo crumbs, pudding, and gummy worms lol. I think Grace, Notkin, Sticky, and Murky would like those too :o)

There's probably some obscure dialogue that contradicts something there but oh well~

What do you think of Victor's animal being a tiger? I keep thinking Basset Hound and yes that's almost entirely because they both have a high likelihood of being found sitting on the floor by the clock. He's some kind of scent hound to me - more calm and deliberate than sighthounds, and once they have their mind set on something, focusing on it to the extent that it's nearly impossible to pull them away. But at the same time, I can sort of see the cat thing.

🐿️ anon

Your brain is big and wrinkly all of those fit perfectly omfg. "Rubin = bread" I LOVE IT.

Here's what I think their preference in sweets would be in addition to yours.

Eva

Turkish delight, Honey soaked rose baklava, kanafeh with sweer syrups. The intensely sweet desserts are her favourite, think heavy caramel chocolate cakes. She'd sample a lot of desserts from different cultures but those would be her comfort ones.

Victor Kain

The dishes he eats are an acquired taste that wouldn't appeal to most people. Think blue cheese and something along those lines. think bitter chocolate, coffee, and pistachio flavours. Traditional creme burlee and dark chocolate mousse.

I like to think that Khan abhors these flavours and desserts out of rebellion and only demands the most sprinkle filled bubblegum bonbon cupcakes for his birthday.

Maria, however, goes for flavour-rich desserts that explode in the mouth, something with a heavy taste and an aftermath of wine.

Yulia

Cheesecake, lemon tarts. Subtle sweetness with the spin of something different sate her appetit the most. French Vanilla chiffon cake for special occasions, a blueberry muffin with her morning light cream cappuccino.

Rubin

He's absolutely not a dessert person, so when the craving strikes, he would rather go for a baked good. Almond bread, rosemary-walnut brow butter cookies and biscuits, English muffins too.

Taya

Fairy bread cookies, strawberry shortcake, and orange puddings. Fruit based desserts with cream are her favourite. Peach pie and cherry jello. Sadly, most of these would only be found in the Capital, and exporting them into the town wouldn't come easily. The kin might adjust their recipies to accommodate her sweet tooth and include more fresh fruits.

--

For Victor's animal, I was surprised to learn it's the same one as Rubin! They both have tiger in their descriptions. Especially when Khan's animal is an adorable hedgehog. Oh my god, so cute. But it fits. He really does go hide in that spiky polyhedron whenever life gets too troubling. He also has the Kains and Capella ready to protect him.

It's because of Victor's animal being a tiger that I add the "predatory" lines in the story. The sharp claws hidden in his clapsed hands.

He's a tiger in the aspect of the danger rather than the ferality. His mind is as sharp as a tiger's tooth and his focus and patience when hunting a prey or a goal is unmatched. You never expect him or hear him, how he'll as stealthy as a tiger when it comes to mind games.

For Rubin, however, I do see the symbolism centring on the ferality instead. He's like a caged tiger, one with filed down claws and broken teeth. He used to be so sharp and had so much potential. He's truly a force to be reckon with, but the cruelty of life stole away his prime. He's overcome with grief and appears as a docile, tired predetor because of it, like a circus tiger not caring anymore and just jumping through the fire hoops of whoever orders him to. Which is why he is so quick to join the army, he needs a purpose, a mentor, an end goal, a firey ring to make him feel useful because nothing is more terrifying to an imprisoned animal than absolute freedom.

[grimbeak]

Ok.

Reaction to tonights episode under cut.

First off: Holy fuck. Holy dick n balls. What the hell do I do now? What am I supposed to be doing now? Going to sleep? What the fuck. Holy crap. What.

Moving on.

"Call me Mother Lauren."

The Boy. His reluctance to talk about his mother. Lauren.

"I remember as a child, when Frown Night ended, I’d take my bag of loot, and sit on the highest level of the lighthouse.

LAUREN: Oh, the one at the top of the mountain?"

The lighthouse on the mountain??? The mountain that is only in the desert otherworld???? Either this is finknor forgetting again (I doubt it since its an easy thing to at least look up on the wiki), his ass is lying, or...... that motherfucker grew up/lived in the desert otherworld as a kid.

"Mr. Schlecht, Mrs. Schlecht, Sister Schlecht, Brother Schlecht, and even their dog, who was a basset hound named Malo."

This one parodies the story he did the last time he did a holiday episode with Lauren, except its changed slightly. There is no second mother, there is no stick boy, it is a dog instead of a fucked up cat.

The names have changed. I believe in the last story, the citizens could not see their smiles despite the family smiling. This time, they know they are not smiling.

I still think this is Kevin's family, perhaps a different one of his however. Or maybe he's starting to remember it more accurately.

"And I want to add that The Smiling God loves all of Its children, no matter what…. Unless you’re shunned. If your community doesn’t want you, The Smiling God doesn’t either."

Kevin is shunned by the community. Later, Lauren says this:

"KEVIN: Not even a hint as to how the Smiling God sees me?

LAUREN: I’m only allowed tell people happy news. And if I told you what the Smiling God really thinks of you, you’d become sad, and the Smiling God does not like it when you’re sad. So…. no."

The smiling god does not love kevin.

"You know, when I think someone is feeling sad, I won’t talk to them again for months, maybe years. It’s important to give people space."

The last time Lauren saw kevin, supposedly, was at the mudstone abyss. She then did not speak to him for years.

"Isn’t that what you’d do, Kevin?"

Referencing herself, Carlos, or possibly Charles here. If we return to the theory that The Boy is Donovan, and he has been missing for several years in DOW time.... Charles and Kevin could've had a fight/temp broken up, hence why we don't hear about them.

"It’s important that we face our greatest fear, and that is sadness.

LAUREN: And it’s important that we face our pasts, too. The story of the Schlechts is not always a happy one, but we must make amends for the wrongs of history.

KEVIN: [dubious] Of course.

LAUREN: Because to ignore our past is to destroy our future. I hope you don’t have anything in your past that you’ve not atoned for, Kevin."

This.

"KEVIN: [knows she means him] No. I’m good."

Him? Who's him? Kevin? Charles? Carlos? Donovan? Cecil? Something happened since we saw Kevin last.

Also: The weather. The line about sitting and seeing the town you built together? Kevin and Carlos after having built Dow. The whole song, very Kevin and Carlos vibes.

Kevin's general uncomfortableness around Lauren. Compared to how we've heard him act before, Kevin in general seemed nervous, very much unlike his past self. He seems to be moving towards the third era of triptych.

Will analyze this all more probably wednesday/thursday, my phone is dying and i have halloween shit to do tomorrow.

THE BOY IS BACK!!!!!!!

[phrysic]

the only strong animal-character associations i have are that cas and jack are goose + gosling. but i also think that sam is a camel and dean might be a beaver or a wolverine or something. jo would be a dove or a pidgeon. bobbie would be a basset hound. i could go on and on <3

oh my god Cas & Jack as geese <33 CAMEL SAM!! much to think abt….ive also considered beaver!dean but it seems befitting to fix him with a predator/carnivorous animal instead so wolverine seems like a nice fit. also. god. jo as any variants of birds. dove as a general symbol of love. birds as a general symbol of freedom because of their wings. wanting to spread them wide n take to the sky juxtaposed with jo’s desire to be a hunter. yeah. yeah…… basset hound bobby is everything to me. it’s just so. right.

[coco-bean-1218]

Claire and Grant?

ARE YA READY KIDS?!

I'm going to try and do this without any major spoilers:

Somebody play Angel Baby by Troye Sivan

Pre-War and During:

Claire, being the person she is and never having anyone feel that way about her, denies it.

Cue I'm Just Ken

Grant is Kenough

You want eye contact and stolen glances? Well, these two bring plenty of that!

We also have stumbling, stammering when talking, blushing, butterflies, and involuntary standing next to each other

If Claire needs to go run an errand or go work on something, he volunteers himself to go with her, despite her telling multiple times she can handle it

Follows her around like a shadow

If anyone belittles her, discourages her, or doubts her, they immeditely get the look. You know, the one from episode 8.

Will fight someone for each other

Going on walks together in Aldbourne

The locals think that they are a couple

Looking at the stars together on the roof of the house they are billeted at (Tab and Lieb may or may not have done something to get them at the same house)

He is her shoulder to cry on, both literally and figuratively

She vents to him about everything

Talking about their lives at home

And when she talks about wanting to pursue a career in medicine, it's all heart-eyes for him 😍

You want Tab talking to Grant and Grant just being off in his own little world of Claire, we have that too!

Now, let's say Easy is out on the town on a weekend night, you best believe that he will be searching all over the place for her

He might even get the courage to ask her dance

Next, let's say some random guy is making unwanted advances at her, Grant will round up both his and her friends to scare the guy off and if need be beat his ass.

If they're in a group together, which they usually are because they have mutual friends, and someone makes a joke, they'll look at each other to see if the other is laughing

Easy gets the shit shelled out of them? Grant is on his way to check on her

If one gets wounded, whether in battle or not, the other is like a worried parent constantly hovering

Now, when Claire does finally admit that she is in love with him too, it's like that scene in Clueless when Cher is like "Oh my God! I love Josh!"

Post-War: If they get together, remember there are two other interests to keep in mind

Literally can't live with out each other

Never one without the other

You cannot separate them

You better believe that if Claire wants to stay in Michigan, Grant will pack up all his belongings and start a life with her in her home state in a heart beat

And if she wants to go to California, same thing.

Slow-dancing in their big ass house from that Neurosurgeon money Claire makes

Visits her at work all the time

If she has an early surgery, she always kisses him on the cheek while he’s still sleeping before she leaves

Claire can't cook for shit so Grant does the cooking

If one has a bad day, the other makes tea, specifically chamomile (it’s the calming tea and as someone with anxiety, it does work), or coffee when they get home and they talk about it

If one has a nightmare, the other will stay awake until the nightmare is over ans they can settle down

Always tells each other about their day

And if they have kids? Husband and father of the year awards

Actually would win that every year

Unofficial stay-at-home dad while running the shop

Gets her 2 senior dogs, a golden retriever and a basset hound beagle mix

Always so proud of her for all her accomplishments as a surgeon

Cue the "That's my wife!" meme

This was so fun to write! I love these two so much! This story is really healing.

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

DVR Once Said-

Apple: Malfie... How do I begin to explain Malfie? Joe: Malfie is flawless. Jack: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000. Dalmatia: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.

--

Apple: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Malfie: What if it bites me and it dies!? Joe: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Malfie, learn to listen. Pretty Scar: What if it bites itself and I die? Farja: That’s voodoo. Lady Hook: What if it bites me and someone else dies? Malfie: That’s correlation, not causation. Veil: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? Jack: That’s kinky. Apple: Oh my God-

--

Jack: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need! Dalmatia: To the city? Jack: Yeah, no matter what! Malfie: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly? Jack: I... I don't know! Joe: Oh come off it, be serious! Jack: I am serious! Joe: You're insane! Malfie: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved! Everyone: Apple: What??? Malfie: Or maybe it was a basset hound! Joe, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!

--

Farja: I’m too short to kiss my boyfriend on the lips, what should I do? Ms Hades: Kick him in the stomach, and then when he doubles over, kiss him! Pretty Scar: Trip him. Lady Hook: Dump him. Veil: LITERALLY DON’T DO ANY OF THAT SHIT JUST FUCKING ASK ME TO BEND DOWN JESUS.

--

Lady Hook: Hey guys, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?

Veil, Farja, and Pretty Scar: No!

Ms Hades: Alright, that’s it, you guys. What happened out there?

Veil: What? We took a walk. Nothing happened. I came back with nothing all over me.

Ms Hades: What does that mean? Ms Hades: Come on, what happened? Farja?

Lady Hook: Alright.

Veil: No. Lady Hook, we swore we’d never tell!

Lady Hook: But we have to say something. We have to get it out. It’s eating me alive. Lady Hook: Veil and I had hardcore s*x in the woods near the beach, but bugs kept biting us.

Pretty Scar: And I walked by and saw it, it was horrifying. They were covered in bug bites, but it just didn't stop them. How can two people be so horny, that they don't even stop after being bitten by bugs? Veil, and Lady Hook: Wait, you saw us?!

Pretty Scar: Yep, and now I need therapy.

--

Jack: Apple, is that a hickey?

Apple: It’s just a mosquito bite.

Snow White: [walks in the room]

Jack: How’s it going, mosquito?

--

Jack: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Dalmatia: You’re a hazard to society

Pretty Scar: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

--

Jasmine: I hardly slept last night

Aladdin: When you can’t sleep, it means someone is thinking about you. Someone who loves you.

Jasmine: Who would be thinking about me at 3 a.m.?

Farja: [gay panic]

I haven't done any Disney Villain Recruiter stuff in a while and I apologizes, got any other incorrect quotes I can use if you like this?

[ringchollyandfriends]

God I love basset hounds so so much. I wish they'd match me

[puppybong]

puppybong basset hound posting...yes god

i love my big ears and big wrinkles

[jlwritesstuff]

An Apology to Maple Trees

I’ve come to learn the images in my poems

Are so suburban. Dogs squawking the latest gossip

About the basset hound who is probably misunderstood,

Because it is so doglike to gossip

And misunderstand.

I’m sorry

For what I said about the maples

Being the most overrated tree

When really I don’t know enough about trees

To know what the most overrated tree is.

I’m just drifting through the pages

Of my empty mind

To find these worthless words some people like

And some people don’t. The truth

Is a dog bone

My dead goldendoodle used to bury

In the yard,

Just to dig up when he was bored

Of the stillness in his paws

And when he went he went like the softest flower

Shaking death’s hand, as if to say,

“I’ve lived enough,

It’s time for the maples to bloom

Without me.”

But the maples were gonna bloom without us

Anyway, and they don’t care about anything

But falling apart. Call me strange,

But falling apart

Is a good idea. Then you know what to improve upon, right?

Reconnect the legos into a heart

That knows how to love better.

And the weather in November

Is perfect for sadness, the peaceful

Somberness in scrolling TikTok

Aimlessly

Because it’s too cold outside

To wear shorts and a t-shirt.

But then you’re wasting life.

I’m wasting life.

Though bar-hopping isn’t the Nirvana I’m looking for,

I could give that a try?

And the sky looks bored of holding all these stars

Like they’re annoyingly grateful

And he just wants to sleep

Without facing the conundrum

Of his infinite heart.

It seems the grouches are the most full of love,

While the lovers are full of hatred.

It’s just, no one wants to gnaw

At their problems

Like a dog bone—we let them wilt

Whatever part of us

Was once love.

And so I don’t like maple trees—

But I also kinda do?

They shed their teeth like each one

Was holding back the truth

Their branches wanted to speak.

And how does anyone know they’re speaking the truth?

It could be the maples are the only ones who know

Where God lives and they just won’t

Tell anyone.

Or it could be dogs,

Who want to tell everyone

But can only tell their dog pals.

Wherever the truth is, it’s saving up its fists

For the fight of this eon.

And the maples just watch it all

Like secretive angels

Playing their cosmic role. I want to interview one,

See what kind of silence it’d say.

I’d bet you this: they’re not as

Silent as we think.

The maples talk—we just don’t have

The ears

To hear the Earth speak through them. The ancient, naive Earth—

Spinning on like a dog chasing

A car full of angels.

[gallusrostromegalus]

See I don't think this is the case because Charlie causes almost no chaos at all ever, and he weighs only a few pounds more than Herschel. They do have a very similar mass and internal volume and wildly different total concentrations. Furthermore, Mazel was 125% the size of Tyr and a solid 75% leg and she had more chaos in her left dewclaw than the rest of the dog park put together.

No I have a borderline scientific hypothesis about this.

The thing humans call "Chaos" in dogs is really the ability to think independently- instead of behaving in predictable/trained ways, these are dogs that are capable of coming up with and executing their own designs on the world around them.

This is actually an extremely desirable feature in many types of dogs that humans have selectively bred for. Indepenent intelllect is GREAT for herding dogs who have to theory-of mind the Livestock they're sorting and how the human wants them sorted and work out how to actually DO that. It's also desireable in a lot of small game dogs- there a great number of dogs humans have bred for the task of "Get under the house/behind the farming equipment in the shed/in the little crevices of the kitchen and murder tf out of any small to medium animal in there, and flush out any large ones. LGDs on the other hand, need to behave in extremely predictable ways so the human can make an educated guess of what the hell the dog actually DID with all the livestock while out in the back of beyond and find them again. Retrieving and hunting dogs need to be extremely predictable for much the same reason- if you send a lab out after a duck in the foggy marsh and it doesn't come back right away, there's only a handful of reasons that are easy to check so you don't have to grid search the marsh, and once it's got the deer or rabbit at bay, that the hunting dog can be relied upon to not tear the meat to shreds before the hunter can catch up.

Therefore, a peculiarity emerges- due to the fact that independently intellectual dogs often have to work in close spaces (Dachshund, basset hound, chihuahua) or need to keep low to avoid high-kicking livestock (Corgi, Australian cattle dog), a lot of the dogs that have been bred to be the change they wish to see in the world were also bred to be short stack bitches. And many dogs that need legs too long for the cover of vouge to run hither and yon after sheep or stag were bread to be loving little bimbos.

...Mazel, on the other hand. She was a Beautiful crime against nature and an affront to both God and The Devil. Mazel was a Malamute/Timber Wolf hybrid with the cunning and ruthless mind needed to lead a pack to dominate the Taiga and Tundra alike combined with the unfettered and joyful hubris of something that runs the iditarod for fun and play-bows at polar bears. It would be great sport for her to chase the devil through all nine rings of hell and then when that got boring, steal God's place on the throne of heaven to chill and Observe From On High.

The real predictor for how much chaos is in a dog is to consider the shape that humanity intended this creature to occupy in the world, and how the wolf within would cheerfully misinterpret that intent.

Do you have a theory about why dogs with short legs are so chaotic?

All dogs are chaotic to at least some degree, it's just more shocking from the short ones because they bear an uncanny resemblance to plush toys. They look like teddy bears, but make no mistake, this is a wolf with social graces and the knowledge that you are VERY easily manipulated by Cuteness.

[mrs-mikko-rantanen]

Favourite breed from each AKC group??

Ok ok this is gonna be so much fun but also gonna reveal just hoe badic I am asdfghjkl

Sporting: Labrador Retriever. Good boys! Not so much shedding as Goldens, and spaniels are just. So much.

Working: st. Bernard and Burnese mountian, but I also love Siberian Huskies. Theoretically. I don't think id want to own one, but maybe. Boxers too though. My aunt owns them and theyre good dogs.

Hound: Basset, with beagles close behind. God saw mankind was sad so he made the basset to make them happy. And they take that job so seriously and if I look at pictures of their sweet long ears for too long I will cry. That clip of Culombo telling his basset to guard the car? Not joking it makes me cry like a baby everytime it crosses my dash.

Terrier: Scottish terrier and Russell terrier. Scotties bc every one ive ever met has been a sweetie. Russell is pure aesthetics. Theyre too loud for me though.

Toy: I'll be honest, little dogs annoy me. If I'm forced to pick one I'll pick Papillon.

Non-sporting: Dalmatians Don't Exist is my favorite conspiracy to convince my sister I believe in, and bulldogs make cute puppies!

Herding: my favorite group I want one of each. German Shepherd is my all time favorite breed. But I also love Border Collies and Australian Shepherds!!!

[rotwhyler]

dog breeds i unexpectedly grew to love while being a dog groomer: bichon frises, chow chows, basset hounds

[sanpatron]

" Beauceron, German Shepherd, Bull Terrier, Dachshund, Basset Hound, Irish Wolfhound, and a Rottweiler. "

Well god damn. The guy must really care about them a bunch if he can just list them all off the top of his head.

" You should meet them sometime! I'm sure they'd all love ya. Suuper well-behaved. " Until he tells any of them to maul a motherfucker. " I take it ya must have an affinity for them cause of your namesake, yeah? "

barghest sighs in relief, okay good so he didn't want to see any of her progress at the moment. not that she didn't have any...it wasn't a lot. she can sort of understand why he needs to do that, can't really have any employee slacking off now can he. "mhm, i am immensely grateful for the help they have given me." the one she was conversing with had been there to train her, saber almost considers them a friend.

"i don't believe i have had any issues with customers yet. even if i did...i am very good at handling myself."

"y-yes...i adore dogs. i've always wanted to have a few as pets," seems like she was caught after all. "you do? what kind of breeds?"