#god I feel like shit.
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Must be a Sugondese joke.
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#laios touden#senshi#Looks like I won't be able to post this on dungeon meshi thursday so instead I will have a fun past/future conversation#This is wednesday me who has not seen the episode yet but I have such a strong feeling that it is going to be extremely special.#*This* fight is what the first arc has been building up to and it has *so* many incredible moments.#We're going to see the chilchuck knife throw! The leg sacrifice! The bones!#Watch them ramp up the quality this episode and go wild with the frantic action of 'oh god our plan is going to shit'.#Hello. Me of the future who just watched the episode.#I knew it was going to be good but that...that blew my mind completely. My high expectations were beyond met. My god.#I'm just speechless at how well they handled everything. The leg. The tension. That ENDING.#If you have not already: PLEASE watch Dungeon Meshi.
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shoutout to people who don't have a "before" the trauma.
shoutout to people who don't have any sweet or nostalgic childhood memories. to people who don't remember enough of their childhood to know what the before was like. to people who lost their innocence before they ever learned the word for it. to people whose pasts were too painful to keep around in any form. to people who only knew trauma, and don't have an idea of what life would be like without it. to people who can't long for "the better days" because there weren't any.
you deserve a good future. i hope it's there for you soon.
#trauma#ptsd#childhood trauma#sorry just. feeling shitty about not having a past anymore#and please i'm so tired please for the love of god don't tag this with self deprecating shit like 'but i dont deserve anything'#you're only feeding into your mental health getting worse and you're using other peoples attempted positivity to do it#its just mean to both you and the op
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genie: so, you have three wishes-
me: i want everyone in the world to be able to size shift between two inches tall and fifteen feet tall, at will, in a totally safe manner, EXCEPT for my ex and anyone within a 100 meter radius of them. everyone they see or meet will be the exact same height as them.
genie: that’s…. specific.
me: they’re into size. imagine knowing g/t is now real and exists, and you will NEVER get to experience it firsthand. i cannot think of a worse fate for any size fan.
genie: ….y’know what, fuck yeah. let’s do this
me: YAY. so for my second wish, i’m thinking bigass sword
genie: NICE
#g/t#which ex is this about? i’ll never tell#i genuinely feel like ive moved on but sometimes i think of some funny shit like this and i have to post it#so pls dont think im hung up on anyone. im just a comedian who capitalizes on life experiences#anyways. god i want a sword. i want one so bad#i want a replica of inigo montoyas blade SOOOO BAD
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Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short#ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half#i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved#like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can#but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay#and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up#and maybe no one else ever will#DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak#but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB
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rivals by fate frenemies by choice
#these two in sonic prime#god theyre so funny#i feel like boom!sonic would say some shit like this#not ship art#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic and shadow#sonic#sth#sth fanart#sonic fanart#sonic prime#sonic boom#sonic adventure 2#cryoshad
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Shout-out to Dungeon Meshi fan artists. Y'all have created some of the rawest, viscerally beautiful art I have ever seen. It's made me feel the vulnerability of being mortal and yet the divinity within being human. It's made me understand the value of flesh and blood and bone and love and soup and need and friendship.
And also, a bunch of weirdos having silly little found family hijinks. Hell yeah!!
#idk i have big Feelings about art#especially like.... pretty gore#visceral humanity of flesh motif#humanity vs monstrosity motifs but like... make them lovers. god.#okay. anyway.#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#laios touden#falin touden#marcille donato#senshi#chilchuk tims#dunmeshi#izutsumi#my shit
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anyway literally everyone is going through something all the time!!! everyone is wounded!!! everyone is human & no one makes it out of this life unscathed!! maybe try approaching people in good faith instead of always defaulting to the worst possible interpretations of each other
#the way people will pounce at the opportunity to unload on someone the second they have perceived A Wrongdoing#and then justify that with trauma like. i have been Traumatized so therefore i am allowed to make this other person feel like shit#never mind that life is not a binary set of right and wrong choices/beliefs and you are never going to agree with someone 100% of the time#and that disagreement ≠ the other person being a terrible human being. please god allow for some nuance and grace#stop putting people on pedestals stop with the unproblematic king/queen culture stop reducing other people to the image of them in your head
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Something I find very interesting about the character design in Dungeon Meshi is that the artist clearly puts a LOT of work into drawing people who look like normal people and since we, the audience, are so starved for that in Popular Media(bcs the current trend is drawing men and women so differently it's like they're a completely different species) unless they have a beard or visible tits no one has any idea what gender half the characters are.
Like I keep seeing people think Kabru and Chilchuck and Thistle are women and at first I was like "haha yeah same" but when I thought about it I was like...nah they just look like normal dudes, I know men irl who look like that, we're just so used to Hyper Masculinity being forced upon all male characters and Hyper Femininity on the women that when we see characters who look like average humans we have no idea how to process it.
And tbh I'm honestly glad that this manga has not only given us normal looking women but also normal looking men bcs fr I didn't realize how rare that was until I was faced with it. Male characters really do get forced to perform the most extreme form of their gender in popular media because of toxic masculinity and it's nice to see something break the mold.
#not to say exaggeration isnt okay sometimes I read one piece for gods sake#but idk dunmeshi's characters just look like real people#it's nice#feels like the antithesis of those “men are squares women are circles” shit#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon
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can u believe this was published in 1999
#PTERRY WROTE TRANS PPL IN THE 90S!! CAN U GET THAT IN UR HEAD BC I CANT#god but like this book has got me SO emotional about cheery like the scene where a dwarf calls her a slur and she starts shaking and doesn't#stop and the way she doesn't feel at home in her own home bc traditionalist asshole make her feel shit about herself and and#1999!!! DID U GET THAT?? DO YOU UNDERSTAND???#the fifth elephant#gnu terry pratchett#discworld#sam vimes#cheery littlebottom#trans#transgender
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growing up reading + watching stories I would always wonder why villains would draw out the moment where they thought they had the hero beat. I would always wonder why they'd waste time gloating and monologuing and torturing or whatever when they should just kill them and be done with it!!
but I understand now.
there has been a fly inside our house for the past few hours that won't leave no matter how many doors we open. Now I am about to go to bed and it is in my room. the tiny room I share with my sister. I know that stupid fly is watching me with it's stupid bulbous eyes as I swat blindly like the big slow dumb human I am. I know it's smug. I know it's purposefully ignoring the door that I've opened 7 times now. I know.
I know if I ever caught this fly it would not be a quick death. quick death would be a mercy bestowed by desperation. if I got my hands on this fly it would be slow . I would tape it to the wall and put my earbuds playing flowers by miley cyrus next to it on full blast on loop. I would feed it raisins and boiled eggs. I would put it on a string so the next time it flies I can yank it back and it can be reminded of when it flew around me, taunting, not taking heed of the opportunities it had to just leave me alone. because it was never about killing the fly until it decided to torment me. I was fine having it in the house. like whatever. but to insist on encroaching specifically upon the 100 sq ft space that has no place for 2 and a fly. You are out of line. I will be the villain this time. I understand now
#THE WORST PART IS I THOUGHT I'D KILLED IT#WITH A SLIPPER#I STEPPED BACK AND IT WAS SILENT AND I WAS LIKE THANK GOD#THEN 5 SECONDS LATER IT BUZZED RIGHT PAST MY EAR#YOU LITTLE SHIT#I'LL NURTURE YOU AND TEACH YOU HOW TO READ SO YOU CAN READ THIS#AND FEEL MY DISAPPOINTMENT#WOULDNT YOU LIKE THAT HUH FLY BOY#dia talks
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hi !! i love seeing my favorite goobers in sundresses so you should totally draw chris and martin in them. or not ! your choice of course :3
They were looking for Aviva and got distracted
#wild kratts#littlecrittereli#chris kratt#martin kratt#kratt brothers#wild kratts fanart#aviva corcovado#this kinda strayed from the prompt im sorry i thought it was funny#hating my art a little rn bc i dont feel like putting effort into it im sorry LOL#just ignore that its crusty please thanks <33#they are like.. her brothers oh my god#that moment when ur pseudo brothers break into your room and try on your clothes that do not fit them#I can just imagine Martin immediately eating shit by trying to run away in heels#dude does not make it 3 feet before breaking every bone in his body
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toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections
#this is my punishment for actually looking at yt comments isnt it#deltarune#kris dreemurr#maybe im looking too much into things but...#it also feels sorta. misogynistic when ppl default to he/him for androgynous/non binary characters#like ive seen multiple ppl use “well its understandable that ppl assume kris is a he when they have such masculine behaviours/hobbies”#the masculine behaviours and hobbies in question are being a prankster#i shit you not#like they called pranking... masc?? huh#can girls and others not get their silly on anymore??#also like i said before with the exception of like frisk and chara like almost every nb character is masculinised#like napstablook monster kid#god there has to be more but my memory is shit atm and i also have to go eat dinner#but i wanna talk more abt like why it feels so misogynistic to me#i thinnk it has to do with the fact that defaulting to he/him just makes women feel like an afterthought. ig like unless its confirmed then#they must be a guy to be relevant or smth#and also like how much they gender entirely non gender specific things (see: pranking)#ofc it wouldnt be BETTER per se if they imagined these characters as girls but its smth ive noticed and i just get frustrated cus#it feels sexist but i cant FULLY articulate why#i feel like i had the answer a lil while ago but i forgot#i might come back to this who knows#wow ok rant over#for now
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god dc fanon is actually crazy. "dck was gonna put tim in arkham!" BITCH HE TOLD TIM TO GO TO THERAPY 😭
#like. tim was all “bruce is alive i can feel it” when they all literally saw bruce's corpse i would tell him to go to therapy too!#like. homeboy punched a kid (deserved) and disappeared while yelling abt finding their dead dad i wouldn't believe that shit either#tim was just lucky he was right#detective comics#dc#batman#batman comics#bruce wayne#dick grayson#richard grayson#nightwing#tim drake#timothy drake#timothy drake wayne#tim wayne#timothy wayne#timothy jackson drake-wayne#timothy jackson drake#timothy jackson wayne#red robin#robin III#red robin 2009#red robin 2009-2011#batfam#damian wayne#god he's annoying in RR idc he's a kid he pisses me off#damian al ghul#damian wayne al ghul#ra's al ghul#jay.txt
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do you ever get reminded of a ship, remember a piece of fanart of it that you loved, then after a day long search realize that you just imagined it? and then try to draw it yourself?
prllb btbtt ALT VERISONS
#since im submitting this to radar: hi! my main blog is stupidusernamepolicy. this is my art sideblog#rick and morty#rick & morty#gravity falls#stan pines#stanley pines#rick sanchez#stanchez#rickstan#stanrick#admin draws#fanart#inspired by spinetrick slightly in the color palette because i didnt wanna do a style copy. but i first imagined it as it being THEIR art#dont. dont ask. i have a weird brain. ive done this shit before.#if im not alone PLEASE sound off. its funny but im also like. please dont let me be the only one.#anyeays. i always loved this ship#i know rick ford was the big thing but i personally think its much funnier if theyre rivals and cant stand each other#bc of science ego and personality differences#all the while rick is canoodling with his brother#i feel like theyre a great match in that theyre kind of immature old conmen who are both game for pretty much anything#RIGHT before i posted i caught a shading issue and also that i forgot stan's five o clock shadow. HA#imagine i posted this yesterday before those fixes. god what a nightmare
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Out of all of the people The Ghost King Phantom expected to relate to, it definitely wasn’t the scrawny red headed photographer of the Daily Planet. Jimmy Olsen has gotten so many temporary superpowers over his time being Superman’s friend. Hell, he once gained a 4th dimensional being’s reality warping abilities when he was given said dimensional being’s powers during a fight. Sure there’s a dozen or so heroes with the same amount of powers he has, but none as suddenly granted to them as a all powerful god that can relate to a teenager.
#bones speaks#hi this is bones in the future: below tags I do mean but I was Not Sober while writing them so they may have severe spelling errors#bones prompts#dpxdc#dp x dc#just google the amount of times Jimmy has had powers and what they are. I just read a comic#where the F PLOT of all things is Jimmy getting superpowers and causing havoc in Metropolis. that’s how frequent this is#the all powerful god powers was in a recent Batman/Superman Worlds Finest issue where he got Mxyzptlk’s powers#like guys. there are SO many heroes that have more powers than Danny in DC.#off the top of the dome I can only name a few (in my defense I am Not Sober so memory is Not Good:)#Raven. The Spectre. Superman. The Atom. Batman (temporary powers). Dr Fate. Martian Manhunter#and I could name more if my memory wasn’t shot rn#this is a mini rant in the tags but I’m so tired of the ‘Danny has so many superpowers it would stump DC’#it would for sure shock them. but they wouldn’t be surprised. why are they all so shocked from Danny’s arrival?#I’ve made many posts about how much more interesting Danny simply being in the JL like it’s just another Tuesday would be interesting#so many folks enjoy the discovery aspect of Danny and not the part where he’s alreaady a JL member and is#*isnt OP. it’s so much more interesting to write a character with flaws. make him regular powered and able to be struck down by a Big Bad#and not just his weaknesses. he’s been beaten to shit by ghosts before. the angst possibilities is crazy.#Billy Batson looking at a kid nearly his age get hurt more and more by Black Adam? Fear Gas setting him on a rampage in Gotham absolutely#destroying his perception of what being safe is anymore. Lex Luther finding his weakness and wrecking his shit#it could be SUCH an interesting direction to take dpxdc but no one does. when I write prompts with those ideas they make a fraction of the#notes of the prompts where I pander and have batfam in them. diversity of ideas in fandom is what makes us strong. keep the new and#unorthodox ideas flowing. it feels like you’re swimming upstream but it’s worth it to help a fandom grow
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Kidnapped Astarion
I have a very specific thing I can't stop thinking about. That involves Astarion getting kidnapped by Cazador for the ritual and him taunting him over the lie that Tav gave him away. Sold him even.
Tw: Lies, manipulation, mentions of torture, bad times had all around, it's long as fuck, betrayal (or at least the lie of it). Like Cazador is involved so all bad. Very bad. This also has VIOLENCE. Like canon game violence but it is BLOODY. You've been warned. Also happy ending :)
So now let's get to that angst:
It had all happened so fast.
One moment Astarion was laid back in the tent you share, reading a mediocre book as he impatiently waited for your return. He loathed when you went out without him, even if it was for good reason. He wasn't exactly welcome company when it came to solving Gale's problems, especially when it came to the bomb nestled in chest. You both knew his inability to keep his sarcastic quips to himself would not be an asset while exploring a sacred library. Besides, he didn't have much room to complain, not when he accompanied you on ninety-nine percent of your outings.
But that didn't mean he had to like it. Even if it was shaping up to be a nice, uneventful evening. He had set your tent a little farther away from the others, considering the complaints that some....well most had made about the volume of your nightly activities. It was quiet, peaceful even. The atmosphere tranquil enough for him to fully relax.
What a mistake that had been.
When the flap of the tent opened he didn't even look up, fully expecting it to be Shadowheart or Lae'zel coming round to dig about in his darling's things. It made sense, considering how it was one of the few times they wouldn't be risking walking in on something. You had such a bad habit with that "open door" policy of yours. One that had exposed nearly every party member to quite the show. Though in Astarion's view, they were just unreasonable. When you were both loud they complained. When you were quiet and they walked in on it they would whine even more. How could you win with people like that?
Perhaps a sign on the door would have done the trick, but Astarion would be lying if he didn't enjoy the others being fully aware of who could make you cry and moan. The risk was just more thrilling, if not the slightest bit annoying.
But the intruder was staying still at the opening, quiet as could be. It was odd enough to have Astarion glancing upward, his heart stopping in his chest at what he saw.
It was a man, frantically muttering something under his breath. A man that he recognized. The idiotic Petras, trying to cast some kind of incantation. It had Astarion scrambling upward, reaching for his dagger. But it was already too late. The spell was finished and Astarion could feel his senses start to fade away, one by one.
He had gotten sloppy, relying on the safety of camp that had never existed. And now he was paying the price, and what a price to pay. Even as he fell to the magic, one feeling managed to stay in place until the bitter end.
Terror.
And then, he felt nothing at all.
The next thing Astarion knew he was being awakened by a slap of cold water to his face, blinking up into horrifyingly familiar light. He immediately recognized where he was. The torture room, his arms hanging from the ceiling, his toes barely scraping the floor. It hurt to be suspended like this, a pain he was still so familiar with despite going months without. And in front of him was the cause of it all, sneering at him like the maniac he was.
Cazador.
"You're finally awake," He grinned, dropping the bucket that was in his hands, "You've been a very bad boy Astarion. Just what am I to do with you?"
Astarion wanted to answer, to curse at him, maybe even beg to just be left alone, but nothing came out. He was too stunned, too stupefied that he ended up here after everything he'd gone through. Everything you'd gone through. How could it end like this?
"I don't fully know what you were up to with all that time away from your family," Cazador continued, stepping close enough for Astarion to feel his disgusting breath on his skin, "But I think I may have the gist. Galivanting around with your merry-band of degenerates. Seems fitting."
Astarion gave a full-bodied flinch when Cazador started to graze along his collarbones with a gentle finger, his touch freezing and revolting. The gentleness wouldn't last, Astarion was surprised it was even there to begin with.
He should have realized there was a reason for it.
He trailed up his neck, stopping to trace a bruise you had left the night before. If only he had known that it was almost certainly the last time he would get to touch you. The realization was nearly enough to bring tears to Astarion's eyes, but he refused to cry in front of this creature, not if he could help it.
"Seems like you may have even found yourself a favorite amongst them. Tell me pet, who was it?"
"Fuck you." Astarion spat out, his fury managing to shine through his despair.
Astarion expected a hard slap for the insolence, but instead Cazador just laughed, loud and full-bellied, "You've gotten quite the temper since you've been away, haven't you? I wonder where that came about?"
It was a false question, Astarion could tell from the way his eyes were crinkled. Like a child excited to reveal a surprise. Cazador answered it for himself, "Is it that lovely little thing that you've been following around. Gods, what's their name again...Tav, is it?"
"Don't you dare say her name," Astarion growled, his righteous fury overcoming the ever-growing terror and dread, "They have nothing to do with this!"
"Oh but they do," Cazador grinned, stepping back to do one of his famous gloating sessions, "Just how do you think I found you? Luck? No my dear, you were given."
Astarion's answer was as immediate as it was hateful, "You're lying! You know nothing of them. Nothing of us."
He won't believe it, he has no reason to. You...you loved him. And you were probably looking for him as they spoke. You would never betray anyone like this, least of all him.
But Cazador remained unphased. If anything he was looking at him with pity, "Oh you poor thing. You think she cares? You think she loves you? I'm disappointed Astarion, it seems you've learned nothing from our time together. What is there to love, hm? Nothing that I can see. Though...they sure did seem to love the gold. You fetch quite the high price my dear. But it will be worth it."
Lies. It was all lies. It had to be. Astarion shoved his uncertainty back down, bellowing out, "Liar!"
It was forceful enough to even make Cazador falter for the briefest of moments, a split second that anyone else would have missed. But he pressed on, shaking his head, "Darling, don't you find it strange that you were all alone that day? That no one came to your aid? Where do you think you're love was, hm? Wait, don't tell me. I can remember...ah yes! With Gale, correct?"
Astarion swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry. How...how did he know that?
"It was a fabulous excuse, was it not?" Cazador continued with a laugh, "We came up with that one together. After a little fun that is. I can see why you fell for their treachery Astarion, they are quite lovely, aren't they?"
No. No, no, no.
"Stop it," Astarion hissed, "Shut your mouth. I-It's not true."
"Oh but it is. I'm not sure if you're aware but you're quite the headache darling, not many can handle it. Not including myself. She even told me of that hilarious speech you gave. About wanting something real. It was just as funny to her as it was to me."
Astarion stared at him, at a complete loss for words. It couldn't be true. It couldn't. But...how else would he know that? In a camp full of people why did no one come to his aid? But the cruelty of it all...it was exactly the type of thing Cazador was versed in.
Setting up the same type of trap that he'd trained Astarion for, that he had used on others countless times. And he fell for it, he lost the game he thought he'd mastered.
His faith was slipping, hard and fast when he asked the horrible question, "How do you know that?"
"Because I sent them to you," He said with that disgusting grin, "It was no coincidence that you met. You were kidnapped, I needed you back, so I hired some help. It's a pity that they were captured as well. The pause to our plans was quite inconvenient. Our Tav just can't help but get distracted, can she?"
"No..." The word slipped out of Astarion without his consent, his mind racing. That couldn't be true. It didn't make sense. T-There had to be another explanation. If he could just think he'd find it. But...what point was there? He was already captured, taken. If anything, all of this being a grand scheme from Cazador was more logical than someone loving him.
He had gone through many, many tortures during his time here. Unspeakable, horrible things that he would never wish on anyone, excluding the man in front of him. But this...this was the worst thing he'd ever done to him. He had tricked him, you had tricked him, and he whole-heartedly fell for it, like the fool he was. The fool he would die as.
He didn't know it was possible, but this would be the greatest pain he ever knew. He was sure of that. Cazador had managed to do it. He had broken him, finally.
His tears were falling on their own accord, plentiful and pathetic. Cazador cooed at him, tracing his cheek with his horrid hand, "It hurts, doesn't it? I missed that expression on you my boy. You were always at you're prettiest when you had given up."
He wiped Astarion's tears away, gently holding his face as he spoke, "If only this was enough. The things I want to do to you for running away... I want to make you scream, make you beg for death. Just like how things used to be. If only we had the time."
Cazador let go, stepping back with a sigh, "How I wish that they had gotten you to me earlier. Though it's too late to pout about it now, the preparations are almost complete. But don't fret my boy, your end will have the meaning that your life failed to posses. Come along now."
Astarion hung there, limp as Cazador unhooked him from above. This was it. He was going to die here, as nothing but a pawn. He didn't even try to fight it when he was led down, deep into the palace to a place he'd never known existed. He kept his eyes closed for most of the journey, simply for the fact that he didn't have the strength to keep them open.
It was...a horrendous feeling to be incased in that red energy, floating in the air with all of his brothers and sisters as Cazador finished his preparations. It forced his eyes open against his will, making him see the hell that had been hiding beneath his feet all these years. He had been wrong about the sacrifice it seemed, it wasn't just them. There were thousands of bodies, barely alive in hanging cages, strewn throughout the place.
It was horrible, but fitting. Where else would something like him die? All he wished was that Cazador would hurry, so he could be done with it all. He has to much time to think in these last moments, too much time to examine your betrayal.
He...hates you. For it all. He hates you more than anything, enough for that same fury to come bubbling back to the surface. How dare you do this to him, after everything you'd been through. He should have killed you while you slept, while you let him drink from your throat. He should have killed them all, the vile sacks of shit.
If his soul ever found it's way back from the hell it was about to be damned too, he'd find you. His revenge was no longer reserved for Cazador, but for the wretched bitch hat tortured him in ways he didn't even think were possible. He'd do worse to you than anyone could imagine.
You were the cruelest thing to ever exist, as heartless and horrid as the monster before him.
So why was he still crying over it?
It didn't matter anyway. Not now. Now, all he could do was wait for the bitter end.
But then...he felt something. A familiar presence tickling the back of his mind. A barely there whisper, no words that he could make out. But it was getting stronger. Clearer.
It...it was you. Calling out to him with your illithid connection, begging for an answer.
My love, where are you? Astarion please, please tell me your there. Help me find you.
He can scarcely believe it. But he wasn't going to wait for his emotions to catch up to what could be an escape. He was screaming in his brain, trying to send out any signal that he could.
I'm here. I'm here. Don't let him take me. Please.
He could hear you in his head, the sheer relief from your mind nearly overwhelming, I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming.
Astarion didn't even have the time to doubt. Because the next moment you were bursting through the ornate doors, nearly your entire team in tow.
Astarion had never seen you look the way you did then. He was so used to your kindness, the warmth and light that you tried to spread everywhere you went. You were always smiling, always laughing, always trying to share the same with others.
But now you were breathing hard, near feral in your posture as your eyes darted around, landing straight to the shocked Cazador. You looked murderous, vicious enough to send a shiver down Astarion's spine. Your teeth were bared, your whole body trembling with rage as you started to advance, weapons already drawn.
And in that moment Astarion was sure that you were the most gorgeous, perfect thing he had ever seen. Or ever would.
It was brutal, bloody battle. One that ended with you slitting Cazador's throat as Astarion watched in awe. You let the body fall to the ground, blasé before you finally ran to him, releasing him from his prison.
Then he was being pulled into the most crushing hug of his entire life. One that he was helpless to return. He clung to you, uncaring for their rather large audience.
He was too busy burying his face into your hair, breathing you in as you whispered into his shoulder, "Thank the Gods that you're still here."
The pain in your voice was so raw, so real. Astarion needed no other evidence to be sure that every word from the dead man's lips had been a lie. He was also positive that he had never cried this much in his life, but now it was a different kind of sob he was trying to choke back. The flood of relief was crushing, the truth that your love was real was nearly enough to destroy him all over again. Not for cruelties sake, but to make something new. To kill every last doubt he had that he was nothing, worthless. How could he be when you were here? When you came for him?
He pulled back reluctantly, smiling down at you with tear tracks on his face. He kissed your forehead, covered in sweat and blood, and gods knows what else.
It was all finally over. You both turned to the rest of the group, your hands clasped together as you made your way to where Cazador lay dead. It was satisfying to see, but such a shame that Astation wasn't the one to do the deed. A regret he'd have for the rest of his days.
Or so he thought.
But then you were turning to Shadowheart, your sweet face curling back into the disgust from earlier when you ordered, "Revive him."
Astarion watched, wide-eyed as she did what she was told. Cazador came back into consciousness, in what looked to be an extremely unpleasant experience. He was coughing blood, the spell doing just enough to mend his mortal wounds, but not nearly powerful enough to give him a fraction of his strength back. He stared upwards, his eyes wide at the sight of you lording over him.
And for the first time in two hundred years, Astarion saw fear in the other man's eyes. Wonderfully delicious fear.
He felt you squeeze his hand as he stared at him, speaking quietly, "He's yours. To do with what you please. Do...do you want us here for this?"
He could hear the hidden meaning in your words. This wasn't just a choice of what to do with him. It was a choice of what to do with them all. He had taken notice that he was the only one that you had freed, his brethren still suspended in air.
He turned to you, his voice strong for the first time since he'd come back to this pit, "I want you here for this."
You nodded before looking back to the others to tell them to wait outside. They did so reluctantly, obviously without confidence in his decision making abilities. He ignored the especially worried look Karlach sent his way, too focused on the piece of vampiric trash in front of him.
Cazador was still coughing, his mouth forming more vile words, "Y-You don't have to do this. I can-"
"Silence," Astation seethed, partly surprised when it worked to shut him up. But then again, he had never been placed in a position to see his master be the one without an escape, "Your life is in my hands now. Tell me the truth. How did you find me?"
Astarion could see the fury behind his eyes, the humiliation of being ordered around by his own spawn. But his desire for life won out in the end.
"Luck," he spat out, "Sheer luck. Yomen saw you in the city, at Shar's Caress with this one. He followed you, found your camp and reported back. I sent Dalyria and Petras to fetch you, gave them a powerful sleeping scroll to knock out your allies. And then you were mine again."
Astarion shouldn't have been surprised that he had the audacity to glare at Tav, seething, "Or at least you would have been."
"And my memories?" Astarion pressed, "How did you know of us?"
"The tadpole squirming behind your eyes doesn't change the fact that I am your master," Cazador said, "Your mind is mine to shape, to understand. It was more difficult than before, yes. But I had enough to know what to say."
Of course. He should have known, "So that was your last torture then?"
"Yes," Cazador said simply, a sneer managing to appear on his bloodied face, "And you have to admit, it worked wonderfully."
"You can kill him now if you'd like," You piped up from his side, staring down at the vampire like the trash he was, "Or...you can take his place."
You hesitated for a brief moment before steeling yourself, looking Astarion in the eye, "Whatever you choose, I'll be here for you. I promise."
Astarion nodded, weighing his options. It was so very difficult to not just kill him where he laid, like the pathetic dog he was. But then again...the ritual would mean endless power. Power that he could use to protect himself, to protect you. So nothing like this could ever happen again.
Astarion looked up, his eyes searching every last one of his brothers and sisters faces. They looked scared, perhaps even resigned to their fate. Just at the hands of another. Astarion hadn't expected the image to make him feel ill, yet it did.
Could he do it? Sacrifice them all, along with everyone else trapped in the bowels of their personal hell? He could. He knows he could. Yet...
He looked back at you, the only thing he had ever loved. The one person to show him a different way to live, who was giving him the freedom to be his own person. But... he wanted that person to be someone worthy of you. Someone who would make you proud.
And there was only one way to do that. Astarion let go of your hand, reaching for the dagger you kept at your belt before striding over to Cazador. He stabbed him with little fanfare, no warning, no chances to beg. And then he did it again, and again, and again. Until he lost count, until the body of his former master was mutilated, his chest nothing but unrecognizable gore.
He wasn't quite sure when he started crying again. He only realized it when he could barely breath through his own screams, every bit of rage, hurt, and humiliation that had been beaten into him coming straight to the surface. He sunk to his knees as he sobbed, tossing the knife to the side.
The whirlwind inside of him was too much, so overwhelming that he was afraid he'd be lost to it. But then he could feel it, you wrapping your arms around him, kneeling next to him as he broke down.
He clung to you, burying his face into your neck as he cried, desperate for your comfort, your touch. You were crying too he realized, your voice breaking as you gently spoke to him, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have been there to protect you. I love you, you did the right thing. I'm sorry."
You had nothing to apologize for, but that didn't stop your words from acting like a soothing balm to all of his internal wounds. But he would get through this. Because for the first time Astarion knew, without a shadow of a doubt he wouldn't have to get through it alone. With you by his side, he would never be alone again.
He wasn't sure how long you both spent there, kneeling in a pool of his tormentors blood. But he knew he felt different when he pulled away, changed.
Free.
He cupped your face, wiping away your tears while only managing to smear the mess about. But it didn't matter that you were both covered in blood and viscera, not when he had you.
"I love you too," Astarion whispered, finally allowing himself to unload the burden of hiding away from you. No more of that. He was yours, fully and completely, "I love you so much. I-I thought that this was it. That I'd never see you again. That you betrayed me-"
"Never," You interrupted, your voice fierce despite how it was breaking, "I never will. You're all I want, all I need. I should have been there, I'm so sorry-"
"No more apologies," Astarion murmered, pressing a quick kiss to your bloody mouth, "No more. We're here. That's all that matters."
You nodded, kissing him again, so sweet despite everything that should have made it sour. Despite his own words, Astarion couldn't help the white hot shame that passed through him. How could he have doubted you, even for a moment? Doubted this, the most beautiful that ever happened to him. Never again would he question what you had together, to let his mind be poisoned by others.
But there would be more time for the two of you later. The rest of your lives if he had anything to say about it. But for now...you freed him. And it was his turn to do the same.
Astarion pulled back, sighing as he looked around the room at his brethren. They were still hanging in the air, all privy to quite the show. He freed them, forgave them even, despite every horrid thing they'd done to eachother over the years.
But that didn't stop him from clocking Petras squarely in the face the second his feet touched the floor. The other man took it well enough, fully knowing that Astarion was capable of much, much worse. Though he was well aware that Petras had been compelled to kidnap him, it didn't change the fact that the punch was very satisfying.
As for the rest of the spawn, the thousands trapped here, he let them go as well. Down to the Underdark, where they could at least have a chance of controlling their feral nature before associating with mortals again.
Then it was time to leave this wretched place, forever. He would never be hurt here again, never controlled. He was free, finally. And with you by his side, what else could he ever ask for?
#astarion x tav#baldur's gate 3#astarion#astarion x reader#bg3 cazador#hes such a piece of shit#but I feel like this is something he would totally do#happy ending#but god damn that was rough#angst#a lot of angst#its there#front and center#long fic#you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands#im feeling spawn astarion man#i started this side blog for the ascended version but...#spawn is bae#female tav
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