#goalkeeper!reader

[avalentina]

Welcome To Football Baby Girl

NewDad!Christian x Goalkeeper!reader

Just a little thing I had the urge to type out while watching Serie A today and seeing another player carrying their little "player escort" out onto the pitch

This takes place in the Fiance!Christian x Goalkeeper!reader universe I'm writing currently.

Reader wears the No. 1 for the Inter Milan Women and the USWNT

Word count: 329 (it just made me smile ok)

ENJOY! -Ava

Warnings: None (I think), I guess implied p in v (they have a daughter), mild teasing (poking fun at Weston and Tim)

You and Christian welcomed your first child just over twelve weeks ago, a sweet baby girl and he is obsessed. Just as she is very much a ‘Daddy’s Girl’. You and him have been talking about doing her first major social appearance with each of you and after doing some looking into things Christian made a suggestion, “What about dressing her tiny little self up in a onesie version of a team's kit and having her be our escort? Theo did it with his son against Lecce and it was adorable. The press and fans on both sides loved it.”

“Don't you guys have a Juventus game coming up?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Then at least we can doll her up in a McKennie kit. She did cling to Wes when he came in to meet her. She wasn't a big fan of Tim though.”

“Poor Tim. Wes will get a kick out of that though and probably get her a new one every time she outgrows it. You know that right?”

“Yep. And when I battle AC next we'll put her in yours.”

Christian smiles wide, having an even better idea.

“We need to find infant keeper gloves. I've got the derby on the 22nd.”

“Fuck, that's right. But only the keeper's escort wears the keeper kit.”

“I’ll take care of it. I'll get myself maneuvered next to Mike and swap him for the anthem. He'll love it.”

“Let's put Pulisic on the back and see if anyone spots it.”

“I have to say, I'm so happy you decided to use it in matches.”

“Why wouldn't I tie myself to ‘Captain America' in yet another way?”

Christian gives a smiling “mhmm” before kissing you senseless and hoisting you up onto the counter, stepping between your legs and just starts sliding a hand lower when you're interrupted by the baby monitor app crackling to life.

“Looks like Chelsea's awake.” You say before heading upstairs to get her. Christian following close behind.

Feedback Appreciated. This is the first of hopefully many that will be posted for Christian. It technically takes place after they officially tie the knot so I hope you liked that little bit.

Hope you enjoyed!

-Ava

[misettemisette]

So hot she burns you 🔥🥵

[queen-of-reptiles]

𝚂𝙰𝙵𝙴 𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙳𝚂

description: In which Olga Carmona's girlfriend bleeds red and white for Athletico, while Olga bleeds white and blue for Real. Both Madrid based, two lovers, two positions, two talents, two teams and one game.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

olga carmona x female reader

disclaimer: I am in no way saying Olga is gay or bi with this, remember it is all just fiction!

warnings: bad google translations as usual! a few rough words, angst and fluff!

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

y/n just posted on their story

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

olgacarmona7 just posted on her story

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

y/n just posted

liked by luciaamoraal, lola_gallardo1 and 291, 299 others

tagged olgacarmona7

y/n tryna seduce the competition early??

view 9382 comments

username1: HAHAHAH 😭

username2: They are so cute ! THE RINGS 😭💙💙

username3: I am so glad they have each other !!!!

username4: I think good for them that they are able to separate pitch rivalries from home life.

^

username5: In a recent interview Olga was asked about it, and said that y/n was for the rest of her life, football wasn't and she wasn't going to risk the best thing that has ever happened to her because of her job!

^

username4: OMG that is so cute! 🥺

^

username6: relationship like this now!! 💳💳

olgacarmona7: Maybeeeee... is it working? ☺️

^

y/n: yes 🫶

^

lola_gallardo1: um??? 🤨🤨

^

y/n got no shame she's hot as shit 👍👍

^

olgacarmona7: te amo baby <3

^

y/n: te amo!

see more comments...

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

y/n just posted on their story

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

In all honesty the game wasn't going too bad, they had defended well, y/n seemed to be having the game of her life having made four fantastic saves and the rest easy ones.

They were ten minutes from half time, and still at 0-0 if they could make it to half time with a draw, they could regroup and try again to sneak the win after half time.

Then Sonia made the tackle, Olga going down in the box and the referee's whistle echoed as she pointed at the spot. Sonia almost cried as the red card was shown at her.

y/n began talking to the ref, calmly, not denying the penalty but trying to revoke the red card, but it didn't work, she was told to set herself in goal.

y/n shut her eyes for a moment, breathing in and out as everyone got into place. Opening them, y/n was faced with her love, Olga's face was masked, cold as she prepared.

The whistle blew, one, two, three steps, shot. y/n darted to the side, her body pushing as she jumped, the powerful shot blocked by her hand which only just pushed it past the post on away for a corner.

The stadium erupted as the Real players gaped in shock, a save like that, well, a few of them even clapped in shock. y/n was piled on by her team, the group dragging her to her feet as they shouted in shock.

y/n let out a breath, a groan of relief as they prepared for the corner. The kick was cleared easily and soon enough they were walking into the tunnel, still at 0-0.

Olga's hand brushed her lover's, the pinkie's linking momentarily as they walked away from each other and back to their locker rooms.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

twitter/X

username1: HOLY SHIT 😱😱😱

username2: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SAVE? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? 😰😰😰

username3: y/n once again showing why she is Spain's no.1 goal keeper 🫠🫠

username4: I don't get that save??? How did she move so quick? How did she arch??

username5: LMAO the way some Real players clapped y/n's save was so funny, everyone was so impressed! 😂

username6: did anyone see Olga move to y/n as the halftime whistle blew?? CUTEEE 🥺

see more comments...

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

The game was five minutes from time, and somehow the ten left on the pitch had been able to scrap a 1-1 draw currently, however, Olga's free kick on the edge of the box was yet to be taken.

The whistle blew and y/n watched the ball, her feet pushing as she jumped and pushed it over the goal, conceding a corner but once again making a fantastic save.

y/n was clapped on the back by her team as the corner was set and taken. y/n jumped gripping the ball as she fell to the ground, protecting it.

The crowd cheered again and y/n stood up, bouncing the ball twice before throwing it out, the whistle blowing seconds after. y/n fell to her knees in relief, the second half had been a lot of work for her.

With being a woman down, the Real team had not stopped or slowed, bringing wave after wave of attack which y/n was only just able to stop with her defenders.

"¡Bebé!" A voice called, Olga helping her girlfriend to her feet as she wrapped her arms around her.

y/n smiled into her girlfriend's hair, the smaller woman muttering praises as she pulled away and pouted her lips, wanting a kiss. y/n chuckled and ducked her her head, pecking Olga a few times.

The crowd cheered for their favourite couple who smiled as they pulled away, y/n wrapping an arm around her girlfriend's shoulders and Olga around her waist as they walked back to their teams.

"Esas salvadas fueron impresionantes, mi amor, hoy fuiste imparable." Olga tells her lover.

those saves were stunning my love, you were unstoppable today.

"Y aún así pudiste anotarme, siempre mi debilidad." y/n hummed, kissing her girlfriend's head.

and yet you were still able to score against me, always my weakness.

Olga smiled and pecked her girlfriend's lips once more, sighing happily as they moved to their separate teams, y/n being clapped on the back and handed the match ball.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

olgacarmona7 just posted

liked by alexiaputellas, onabatlle and 392, 277 others

tagged y/n

olgacarmona7 Ella es una guardiana segura 🩷

She's a keeper for sure

view 11, 811 comments

username1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😭😭

username2: They were so cute after the game! It is so clear how much they love each other!! 🥺🥺

username3: Man she was insane today, some of those saves!!!!

alexiaputellas: ¡El número uno de España! 😊😊

spain's number one

^

y/n: capi! 😚

onabatlle: ¿No entiendo cómo se movía así? 🤨🤨

I don't get how she moved like that???

^

olgacarmona7: Creo que es una bruja honestamente. 😉

i think she's a witch, honestly.

^

username4: ahahahah

username5: She was fantastic omg! 😩

^

username6: SHE was soooo gooood and I am glad she is getting the recognition she deserves!!

^

username7: SAMEEEE 🥺🥺

see more comments...

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

y/n just posted on their close friends story

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

END

still not overly happy with this one i won’t lie but i CANNOT continue re-writing this lmaoooo

-

Queenie xo

[lunaandco]

I've had this idea for a fic for a while and I was gonna delete it; but this dude decided to drop some inspo lmao this fits PERFECTLY

[pitchsidestories]

What is this feeling ? (1) II Alexia Putellas x Reader

romantic masterlist | platonic masterlist | word count: 1875

summary: Alexia tells herself you're to young for her, but her heart wants you.

author's note: hi everyone, enjoy the anticipated oneshot.💌

⏩ Part 2

You knew it from the look on her face. You knew before she even made a sound. You knew what was coming and you still were unprepared.

It felt like time had stopped, like you and her could only existed in this small dressing room.

“Listen…”, she said calmly.

In contrast to you, she didn’t seem nervous at all. Her face was unreadable and stern, like it usually was when she was out on the pitch with the captain’s armband on.

You bit your lip, bracing yourself.

“I know what you’re going to say.”

Alexia didn’t miss a beat: “This won’t work.”

It took a lot from you to not let out a frustrated sigh.

“It’s the age gap, isn’t it?”

“I’m too old for you.”, Alexia confirmed, her face unmoved.

The room began to feel too tight suddenly.

You shook your head firmly, trying to shake the shock off: “No, that’s not true.”

“You’re too young. Better?”

It all felt like she was trying to make excuses. You were 22 and she was about to turn 31. Nine years weren’t that much. And you were both consenting adults.

The fact that Alexia didn't seem to see this filled you with frustration.

“I don’t care about the years between us.”, you said passionately, maybe also stubbornly.

The older player shook her head like there was no convincing her: “But I do.”

You frowned at her: “That’s your head, not your heart speaking.”

“It doesn’t really matter, does it?”, she replied cooly.

“It does matter.”

“Y/n.”

Your name out of her mouth made you stall for a moment.

“Yes?”

“Don’t do that.”, she said plainly.

You cocked your head in confusion: “Do what?”

“Look at me like that.”

Finally, her voice softened.

“I look at you like I want to.”, you retorted.

Alexia rolled her eyes: “You’re a child.”

“Wrong, I’m an adult like you.”

“You just turned 22.”

You crossed your arms in front of your chest. She already thought you were a child so you didn’t care if you looked like one too. “Still.”

“You’ll never stop until you get what you wanted, huh?”, Alexia asked with raised eyebrows.

“Right. I had the best teacher for that.”, you retaliated.

“Oh, you did?”

“Yes, I learned that from you.”

“I know that you meant me.”, Alexia said, rolling her eyes for a second time.

“But you already gave up so I should leave.”

You took one step towards the door, trying to pass her.

“You’re leaving?”

“Isn’t that what you want?”, you asked, lifting your head to directly look into her eyes.

Alexia was left speechless: “I…”

“Tell me what you want, Alexia.”, you demanded.

She looked away, shaking her head: “I don’t know what I want.”

“That’s a lie.”

Memories flooded to the surface, back to the moment when everything seemed possible, and the age difference still seemed unimportant. It all started at your birthday party, which you celebrated with your teammates. Every longer look and touch made both your hearts beat faster.

“No, Cata, there’s no way I’m doing that.”, you shook your head determined.

The young women and you were going all out tonight, and the alcohol made you all a bit reckless except for your team captain. She gazed at you with growing concern.

The goalkeeper grinned: “Do it.”

“Fine.”, you sighed.

Ona watched you in disbelief: “I can’t believe she’s really doing it.”

If there was a test of courage, you wanted to pass it no matter what. Whether on or off the pitch, you were known for being brave and sometimes even reckless.

“Look at Ale’s face.”, Cata chuckled, amused by the stern expression on the older midfielder's face.

Smirking, Jana remarked:” Absolutely priceless.”

“What are you doing?” Alexia's worried voice interrupted the adrenaline rush that had been triggered in you by the task.

“I...”, when you saw the worry lines on her forehead, you bit your lip guiltily. Under her watchful eyes, you suddenly felt very stupid and childish.

She growled:” Don’t ever do that again.”

“It was just a test of courage.”, you tried to play down the whole thing.

The blonde crossed both arms in front of her chest as she warned:” Keep me out of this."

“Can I get you a drink?”, you asked, changing the topic to something more light-hearted with a charming smile on your lips.

“No, are you even allowed to order yet?”, Alexia lifted an eyebrow.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at her question: “We’re celebrating my 22nd birthday.”

“It was a joke.”, she revealed, and a shy grin lit up her face.

You returned her smile: “You’re really bad at jokes, captain.”

“I know.”, the midfielder admitted, nervously running a hand through her unbound hair.

Once you realised how nervous she was around you, it put you in a flirtatious mood: “But you look adorable while making them.”

The older woman’s cheeks flushed instantly. “Shut up.”, Alexia hissed, pretending not to be touched by your flattering words.

The blonde could deceive herself, but not you.

“Or what..?”, you boldly  answered her with a counter question.

The midfielder explained; her intense gaze gave the feeling that you were the only two people in the room, even though it was quite full: “You better not test your limits.”

On the other side of the room, the rest of your teammates had followed your conversation from a safe distance.

 “Oh, she’s overdoing it, girls.”, Salma observed anxiously.

Ona cleared her throat and declared fearlessly: “I’ll go and save her.”

You felt Onas presence next to you before you saw her. “Ona?”

“Hey, you can’t stay here all night.”, your teammate said, nodding towards the rest of your friends standing on the other side of the bar.

Alexia replied before you could: “I told her but she’s not listening.”

Her voice was flat, one note like she was bored by you.

Ona forced a light laugh: “Oh, you know her.”

You had enough of this talk. You wanted to get back to your friends and far away from Alexia.

“Yes, let’s go.”, you agreed with Ona.

“Please.”, the defender said, clearly relieved that you didn’t need any more persuasion.

You casually slid of the barstool next to Alexia but your heel got caught on the footrest and for a split second you lost your balance.

Alexias hands were on your body within the blink of an eye, one stabilising your waist and the other holding your hand.

“I’ll help you down.”, she announced but didn’t move.

You blinked at her, too stunned by the situation to realise that you were silently staring at each other instead of doing anything else.

Alexia finally took a step back, leading you down from your seat like a princess.

You pressed your lips together in the closest thing to a smile that you could manage: “Thanks.”

“You’re… welcome.”

Her words came out on two different breaths and she finally let go of you.

Cata wrapped on arm around your shoulder and dragged you away from Alexia: “Let the party continue.”

“Yes, time to party.”, you smiled through the memory of Alexias touch and her lips being too close to your own.

Salma grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the dance floor: “Come on then, no more waiting!”

Grateful for the distraction, you followed and moved your body to the rhythm of the music until a distinctive guitar sound resounded.

You paused with your eyes wide but as soon as you heard Taylors voice sing the lyrics to “22”, you let out a sigh.

“Who put on Taylor Swift?”, you yelled over the music.

“Me! Fitting, no?”, Mapi answered, beaming at you.

You didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was horribly cliché so you shrugged: “Kind of.”

“Ingrid, I told you she’ll love it.”, Mapi said to her girlfriend. You were suddenly reminded of a golden retriever.

Ingrid nodded patiently: “You were right.”

“The only ones enjoying it even more are Lucy and Ona.”

You followed Mapis gaze towards your two teammates who were going all out on the dance floor and looking at each other like they were alone at this party.

In that moment you made a decision. You left the dance floor and went back to Alexia, who was still nursing her drink.

“Dance with me, Ale.”

The older woman raised the hands in defence: “I don’t dance.”

You asked her nonchalantly: “Why not?”

“I just don’t.”, Alexia tried to shrug it off until she noticed your disappointed look.

“Oh, okay.”, you nodded sadly.

The blonde couldn't bear to see you so sad on your birthday, so she gave in with a sigh:” Fine. One dance.”

“Wait, you’re serious?”, you lifted your chin in surprise. The look in her hazel eyes told you that your team captain really meant it. Undoubtedly.

“Yes, it’s your birthday after all.”, Alexia confirmed.

Her serious tone made you shiver in the otherwise hot room.

“Alright.”, you agreed, hoping she didn’t hear the slight nervousness in your voice.

Before it started, the DJ switched from a fast song to a slow one, which brought each couple on the dance floor closer to their partner.

“Oh, no.”, the midfielder muttered under her breath.

As you took the lead in your dance, you assured her: “Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

Underneath your guidance, you could feel her heartbeat relax.

“Not too bad.”, Alexia admitted quietly.

At that exact moment, you had the feeling that the two of you were the only ones dancing.

With a smirk on your lips, you observed: “You like it.”

“I..”, she began anxiously and broke off, unable to translate the turmoil inside her into a coherent sentence.

You noticed her struggle and kindly interrupted the older woman:” You don’t have to say anything more.”

“Okay.”

The song had already been over for a few seconds, but Alexia was still holding you tightly in her arms.

Nobody apart from you and her best friend saw it.

Comradely, Mapi poked her captain's side, once she sat down next to her:” You’ve a crush on her.”

“I don’t.”, Alexia laughed.

The defender smiled at her: ”Sure, Ale.”

“That’s ridiculous.”, she huffed.

With a wise undertone, the younger woman responded: “It’s what it’s.”

“You can’t say that about everything.”, Alexia shook her head amusedly.

Mapi grinned at her counterpart: “Why not?”

“It’s not always what it’s.”, the midfielder explained earnestly, feeling like she was talking to a child rather than a grown-up woman.

Her good friend's belief in love was simply unshakeable. That's why the younger player's response didn't surprise Alexia at all, it was full of hope, something she thought she had lost when it came to love:” Maybe it’s more a question of what could be between you two?”

What was the feeling that arose in the midfielder when she looked at you?  Attraction, yes, but maybe deep down it was something more, something that terrified her. Loving family, friends and team-mates was one thing, but loving a person with all her heart was a brave step in her eyes. Was Alexia ready to open herself up to that? But what about the age difference between you?

So many questions which wanted to be answered.

gif source: https://www.tumblr.com/okboomer17/754477277102931968/alexia-labor-omnia-vincit-2022?source=share

[alotofpockets]

That's a lot of blood | Arsenal WFC x Reader

5k celebration prompt: "That's a lot of blood."

Woso masterlist | Words: 1k

-----

The match was intense, the kind where every step, tackle, and shot felt like it could make or break the game. The crowd roared in the background, but you barely heard it, your focus narrowed to the field in front of you.

The opposition broke through your team’s line of defense, the ball sailing over the top. A one-on-one with the keeper was the last thing you wanted in a game like this. You pushed yourself to sprint back, muscles burning, and made the only choice you could: throw your body down for a tackle.

Your timing was perfect. The ball ricocheted off your foot and away from danger. But the striker tripped over you, her cleat catching your thigh as she fell. It all happened so fast that you didn’t process it until the sharp pain hit, like a knife slicing through your leg.

“Jesus.” Katie’s voice broke through your haze as she ran to your side. She dropped to her knees, her hands instantly on your shoulders as you tried to sit up. “Stay down.” Her tone was softer than you were used to from her on the pitch. “Trust me, that is not something you want to see.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?” The panic very present in your voice. Before Katie could answer, Manu’s voice piped up from behind you. “That’s a lot of blood.”

Your eyes widened, and your stomach churned. Blood? That wasn’t a good sign. “Nice going, now she’s scared.” Katie snapped, glaring at the goalkeeper. It was well known within the team that you didn’t handle blood well. Let alone your own blood covering your thigh.

“Right, sorry!” Manu kneeled down beside you. “It’s not that bad. Really.” You shot her a look, “You can’t say that right after you say there is a lot of blood. Those two do not work together!” 

Katie chuckled at your comment, but quickly gathered herself to be there for you. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, the seconds dragging on as you lay there waiting for the medics to arrive.

The pain in your leg throbbed, and you felt the warm fluid in your leg. Your shorts sticking to your leg even more than before.

Then curiosity got the better of you, and you glanced down. A mistake. “Oh god.” Your face turned pale as you saw how much blood was covering your leg. You couldn’t even see the wound anymore. 

A wave of nausea washed over you. Lotte, who had been hovering nearby, quickly knelt by your side. She gently pushed your shoulders back to the ground. “Hey, don’t look at that. You’re going to be okay. It’s not as bad as it seems. Just focus on me, alright?” 

Her calm demeanor steadied you slightly, though your breathing was still shallow. The medics finally arrived, gauze and gloves in hand. You flinched as they applied pressure to the wound, the sting making tears spring to your eyes.

“Just breathe,” Lotte said, her voice soothing as she wiped dirt and grass from your face. “In through your nose, out through your mouth. You’ve got this.”

Katie took your hand in hers, squeezing it tightly. “Don’t make me show you how to breathe,” she teased, a playful glint in her eye despite the situation.

Her joke makes you chuckle. “See, you’re doing just fine.”

One of the medics looked up after inspecting your leg. “Good news, it’s not too deep. You’ll just need a few stitches.”

You sighed in relief, though the idea of stitches made your stomach twist. “A few stitches isn’t so bad.” You said out loud, trying to convince yourself.

Katie’s smirk appeared again. “Yeah, and chicks dig scars. You’ll find a girlfriend in no time now.” With a roll of your eyes you tell her that she’s awful. “If I’m awful, then why are you still holding my hand?” You stared at her deadpan. “Annoying too.”

Lotte shook her head at the two of you, a small smile on her lips. “You’re impossible, both of you.”

The medics wrapped your leg and helped you to your feet, with Katie and Lotte supporting you on either side. The trip to the tunnel was a blur, and before you knew it, you were sitting in the medical room with a couple stitches, a fresh bandage and crutches.

When you finally hobbled out to the bench, the game was nearing its end. The team checked on you, their faces a mix of concern and relief. You assured them you were fine, and that they could stop worrying about you.

The final whistle blew, and you looked up just in time to see Leah running your way with a grin on her face. “Scored that goal for you.” The team on the bench had informed you that Leah had scored off a corner just before you had made your way back.

You shook your head with a chuckle. “You so didn’t.”

She wrapped her arm around your shoulder. “Okay, maybe not.” She admitted, “But I am dedicating it to you. End of story.”

It didn’t take you long to get used to the crutches, so you joined the team on your round around the stadium, taking pictures with fans and signing their jersey’s and signs. 

You noticed that no matter where you went, one of the girls was keeping an eye on you. While you appreciated their support, you were not looking forward to being babysat for the next few weeks while your leg was healing.

-----

💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗

[kurikive]

sticky | kim minji

things between you and minji are... sticky this summer.

— childhood friends to lovers, summer trip, soccer player!reader, slowish burn, lowkey bromance, futchish READER 💜

contains : cursing, kinda slight makeoutism, a lot of bro and dude, just a little bit of angst but i promise its literally nothing, NOT proofread at all i am tireeeddd

wc: 13.7k words

inspired by : Sticky — KISS OF LIFE

You're not really sure how you got here.

You’re watching the sunset at the beach with Kim Minji, your hand in between hers and the sand below you, your face two inches from her own, your lips two seconds away from colliding.

Actually, let's rewind.

It’s summer! It's been 3 long years of being away in Seoul. A soccer scholarship was always great, and you were having a fantastic time with your teammates and classmates, but you were completely burnt out after these exhausting last 6 months.

Korea University Anam Tigers proudly win 3rd place in the U-League for the first half of the season. 5 wins, 2 draws, 3 losses. Not too bad. You did better last year, but you're sure you'll recover and bounce back during the second half. Or maybe it was the alcohol and smell of grilled beef that was making you emotional.

After you finalize your amazing speech with a broken voice and a tear threatening to leave your eye, you realize you're actually quite drunk. The applause of your teammates startles you, and they may be mocking your sentimental state with their laughs and ‘aww’s and teasing pushes, but they cheer you on anyway.

“Han Y/N!” One of your teammates, Hsu Nientsu, also pretty tipsy, nudges your left arm as you sit back down, “Don't get so sensitive with us now!”

“Our Y/Nie gets emotional when drunk, huh?” Central striker Ahn Yujin, leader of the team, pinches one of your red cheeks from across the table, action to which you groan at.

“I just…” You sigh, drowsy and teary eyes block your vision yet you can still tell all your teammates are looking at you. “I really love our team and want us to do our best…” You make a mental note to never get drunk with your team again when they coo at you for a second time.

“Well then,” Oh Haewon starts pouring you another shot (she usually would make you pour it yourself, but your flimsy arms and hung head bring out the instinct to take care of you instead), “Let's climb up the leaderboard for Leftie!” She declares as she leaves the small glass of soju on your side of the table.

You hate the nickname. Nientsu came up with it the first year of your scholarship because when you were supposed to be in central midfield you spent most of your time on the left side of the field, for some reason. Her broken Korean and teasing nature muttered the name in an attempt to mock you and everyone started repeating after. You can't complain much about it. It stuck too well.

You take the shot and grimace at the bitter taste of alcohol. You're still not used to it even after countless team dinners.

Won Haneul, your roommate, best friend and goalkeeper, laughs at your expression. The other girls have already picked up their own conversation, yet she seems very entertained at your drunken state, “Unnie, are you sure you don't want to go?” You've told her multiple times to drop the formalities, it's a one year difference; she keeps refusing.

You look to your right and you (hardly) see her looking at you worried, but still smiling. It takes a couple seconds for you to process her words. “I… I think I should go.” You slur, you're sure you'll die if you take another shot.

Haneul nods, understanding as always. “Guys, I think me and Y/N unnie are gonna head back now!” You hear your teammates complain and whine but you can't make out anything they're saying.

“I'm too drunk!” You try your best to scold them, “And I have my last class tomorrow…”

A soccer scholarship didn't mean you were just in Seoul to play soccer and get drunk with your friends. You also had to study and attend classes, like everyone else. Maybe you would've had it easier if you had chosen Physical Education as your major. But no, you had chosen Media and Communication for some reason.

At least it was the last class before break.

“Go then! Quick! Get away!” You hear Jung Sunhye drunkenly shoo you two away. It makes you giggle. You wave goodbye to your teammates with your frail arms, it makes you look like a car rental inflatable. You hear a chorus of ‘sleep well’s and ‘Bye Y/N’s.

Haneul holds you as you walk out of the BBQ place, and then a cold wave of air hits you right when you realize you have to go up the hill to get to your dorm. You don't know if the chill you get in your spine is from the cool late night air or the dread of borderline hiking while drunk.

“Haneul, I'm sorry.” You don't even want to look at her in fear of getting dizzy. You're only a few steps up the hill but you're already breathing a little heavy. However, your apologetic expression is enough for her to understand your feelings.

“It's okay, unnie!” She's such a joy to have around not only as a teammate but as a friend. You hope her kindness never leads her to getting taken advantage of. You and the other girls would ruin the life of whoever could even dare.

“I'm really grateful for you, y’know?” You probably shouldn't talk while you're rapidly growing out of breath, but you're already sentimental.

“I'm flattered.” She says with a light laugh while pushing you from behind, making it easier for you to walk upwards.

“Are you going back to Suwon this summer?” You ask after a while of more heavy steps. Haneul had also gotten a scholarship and moved from Suwon to Seoul, therefore getting to be roommates with you.

“Mhm! Gonna go see my parents.” Her voice turns a little softer and you notice even when you're mostly out of your conscious mind. “What about you, unnie? Are you gonna stay here?”

It's been three years since you left your hometown and replaced the ocean with the river. Three years since you left your friends behind. Three years since leaving your mom and dad.

Of course you missed them. How could you not? It's not like you were avoiding them, the last summers were just filled to the brim with practice and studying and everything got tangled and you didn't even leave time for yourself.

That's over, though. You can already see yourself on the shore.

And then you're at the bus terminal. Hands shaky and heavy steps, just like the ones you took walking up the hill of your dorm building. You carry your backpack at your front and hold your gym bag on your left hand. You wait in line to step inside your bus and you think you're ready to fall asleep for the whole ride.

But once you're settled in your seat, your thoughts leave you restless.

There's a fear in the back of your mind that your friends will treat you differently when you arrive.

You've been gone for 3 years, and you talk slightly less now. But the group chat is still active, and you talk with them when you're allowed the time to. It's not like you've gone completely radio silent and disappeared from their lives.

It's just scary to be back.

But the scariest thing by far is the fear of being proven wrong. The fear of still liking her.

See, ever since you were a kid running around with a ball between your feet, you've had a crush on Kim Minji.

Neighborhood pretty girl. Class president in elementary, middle and high school. Best grades in your year. The most crushable girl ever.

You remember the first day you met her. You actually think about it a lot.

You were 7, playing soccer with your friend Gyuvin on the beach at sunset hours. There was no real goal to kick the ball towards, you were just trying to steal the ball from each other and keep it as long as possible. But then Gyuvin gets a little too close to taking the ball, and in panic you pass it to your right. 

But there's no one to your right. And you realize you've just kicked it towards three girls about your same age building a sandcastle.

You see the ball roll away further and further away from you and Gyuvin, and closer and closer to the castle, and the girls don't seem to notice.

You don't know why you're frozen. You could've stopped the ball by now if you had run after it. Gyuvin notices your lack of movement and becomes the one who shouts instead, “BALL!”

It seems to wake both the girls and you up from your daze, and suddenly you're running as fast as you can to catch the ball before it collides with the sand clump. And you manage to catch it.

You had thrown yourself into the sand, and the ball gets stopped by your arms. But your head crashes into the sandcastle instead. It doesn't collapse completely, and it didn't hurt that much, but it suddenly knocked you out for a few seconds.

You hear Gyuvin’s voice behind you when your mind is back in its place. “We're really sorry! We'll help you patch it back up!” You shake of the sand from your head when you sit back up, and you can finally take a good look at the three girls.

They looked pissed.

The smallest of the girls speaks, “I guess you can help. You're lucky it didn't fall on your head.” She points at you and you feel guilt engulf your cheeks with its warmth.

“Great!” Your friend helps you shake off some of the remaining sand off of your head, “Let's get to work, Y/N!”

You're confused at his enthusiasm, you were just playing soccer with him a few seconds ago and now he wants to build a sandcastle with some girls you just met? “But… we were-”

Gyuvin cuts you off, “It's the least we can do. We almost destroyed it.” It makes sense, but you're still a little reluctant. You grab a shovel anyways.

Your friend is already introducing himself when you start digging a hole into the sand, “I'm Kim Gyuvin! What are your names?”

The short girl with short hair that spoke to you before is the first one to answer, “I'm Hanni Pham! I'm from Australia but we moved here a year ago.”

“Your parents like fish, huh?” The boy's joke makes Hanni's mouth open wide and her eyes dilate a good amount.

“How did you know?!”

“I'm Seol Yoona.” Says a girl with a voice so quiet you have to ask Gyuvin what her name was right after she said it, “What did she say?”

“Seol Yoona.” He repeats, and you get back to digging with a nod, not before you give an apologetic smile to the girl.

The last girl introduces herself, “I'm Kim Minji.” You notice three things about her. Her voice is deeper than the other two girls, her eyebrows are really pretty, and she's wearing a blue clip on her hair.

All three of the girls are pretty, but if Gyuvin asks you later who you thought was the prettiest you are sure you'll say Minji.

Said girl notices you've been doing nothing but dig since you started introducing yourselves. “What's the hole for?” She says.

“I'm gonna put water in it to make wet sand. It's going to make it easier to build and harder to collapse.” And right after you say that you stand up, bucket in hand, ready to go and fetch water from the shining ocean behind you.

But just as you're about to go, the girl with the pretty eyebrows calls out again, “What's your name? You never told us.” Right.

“Han Y/N.” You tell her with a smile.

“Han Y/N.” She repeats your name back to you, like you're not supposed to know it already. It sounds pretty coming from her. 

The sunset glow crashes in the sea and bounces back into the eyes of the girl. You see them glisten as she looks into yours. Your heart starts beating as fast as it was when you were running around earlier.

“Don’t ever play soccer near my sandcastles.”

You look like an idiot, laughing by yourself in your seat. It's already night when you feel the bus stop in its tracks. You realize it's slightly warmer than when you departed, even at these hours of the night.

You're here. And you're not laughing anymore.

Everything you dread is getting closer by the second, and you don't want to face it.

It's been three years since the last time you saw your friends, since you saw Minji. Three years of only speaking to her in the group chat. Three years of believing you've gotten over her when in reality you were just getting distracted.

Because if you had truly moved on you wouldn't be worrying about moving on.

You step out of your bus and smell the scent of the ocean. Your worries fade away for the rest of the night. You'll worry about that tomorrow.

You're home.

It’s around 10:30 P.M. Knowing your parents they wouldn’t be asleep right now. They’re probably watching replays of soccer matches or some strange animal documentary. Even after three years you can tread lightly towards your home. Not much has changed.

The street lights are dim, and the wooden floor boards of the port are not much louder than the last time they squeaked beneath your feet. You take a picture of the moon watching over the dancing waves, then keep walking.

You wish you don’t run into any of your friends on the way to your house. It’s not like you don’t want to see them, but it’s late, and you couldn’t catch even a wink of sleep the whole ride. You just want to see your parents and sleep in between the warmth of their bodies like you did when you were just a kid. You chuckle at the memory.

You step into your neighborhood. Most of the lights are turned off, but you can hear a couple of things as you walk deeper into the block. Crickets, waves, and a couple different TV stations. 

You get closer to the neighboring house from yours. Gyuvin’s house. The lights in the first floor are off, but there’s a dim light coming from the window of the bedroom facing the street. It (probably still) belonged to Gyuvin himself. You don’t really know what he’s doing at this hour of the night, but you won’t bother him right now, even when you get the urge to text him something like ‘look out ur window’.

You hear the voice of a commentator from outside the door of your house. They were watching replays. Knew it. You think about what to do next. It’ll be too loud if you ring the doorbell, Gyuvin might notice you’re here and come around to investigate, And then you get a sudden, bright idea.

You set your gym bag on the ground and start typing your mom’s number to call her, clicking on her contact when it shows up. You take a big breath and wait for her to answer, it doesn’t take her long.

“Hello, baby! What’s going on?” There’s a twinge of worry in her voice but she always answers so happily when you call her. You chuckle deviously, mischief is about to begin.

“Hi mama! I sent you guys a surprise, I’m calling to make sure if the package arrived safely. Sorry about the time, by the way.” You try to mask the smile appearing on your lips as you talk.

“A package?” She seems confused, “I.. We didn’t get anything.” She sounds a little more concerned.

“Really? Can you check the door? Maybe it came late.”

“I don’t think it’d come this late, darling.”

“Just check, ma. Please.” You hang up. You feel a little sorry for leaving your mother bothered and confused, but you try to telepathically tell her it’ll be worth it.

Your heartbeat starts picking up its pace when you hear the door unlock. You put your phone in your pocket and pick your bag up again.

 When the door opens, the first thing you notice is your mom’s disheveled hair, probably from laying on the couch and watching TV. The second thing you notice is that her eyes immediately fall on the doorstep, and she frowns when she finds nothing. The third thing you notice is that, even before she realizes you’re there, she’s already taking out her phone to call you again, but she sees a pair of shoes in front of her before she gets around to doing that.

Her eyes travel from your old sneakers to the top of your head, and then they fall back at your face. Her jaw drops and her eyes look like they hold the moonlight in them when she realizes it’s actually you.

“Y/Nie…” She’s a little breathless when she says your name, and you laugh at the sound of rustling behind her. Your dad probably heard her.

“Hello!” You simply greet. Your father appears shortly behind your mother and you send a wave at him when you see he’s making the exact same expression as her. “Am I going to be outside all night? That’s how you greet your daughter?”

Your mother throws herself at you with a hearty laugh, it makes you happy too. “When did you get here?!” She asks, a little too loud for your liking, but you won’t complain. You pull away to greet your dad, who was frozen on the doorframe.

“Just now, actually.” Your father is in shock, but he does his best to hug you back, and the hug gets tighter when he finally understands it’s really his daughter. You giggle a little at his lack of words, then tap his back a little rougher when you start struggling to breathe, “Hey! Not so tight!”

He lets go and you hear him laugh more calmly now. “Let’s go in. Gyuvin doesn’t know I’m here yet and I want to surprise him tomorrow.” Your mom closes the door behind you, and then hits you on the back, quite roughly for your taste.

“How dare you not tell us you were coming?!” She rubs the same spot where she hit you when she hears you hiss at the pain, “It was a surprise!” You argue.

“Did you have dinner?” Your dad asks already in the kitchen, and your stomach growls even before you can respond. You giggle shyly at the noise, “I’ll take that as a no.” He says, “Go sit with your mom and watch TV with her. I’ll heat up something.”

“Oh, we’re not watching anything. You’re gonna tell me everything you’ve been doing.” Your mother taps the seat beside her on the couch, which you gladly take. “How was the season?”

You’re so happy to be back.

You wake up with the sunrise.

You fully expected to open your eyes and be hugging your mom while your dad was already up in the kitchen. And that did happen, except you wake up with your back sore from falling asleep on the couch. Your dad is in the kitchen, making breakfast for you three.

You rub your eyes and yawn. It wasn’t that late, you woke up pretty early actually. 8:27 A.M. Maybe it’s because your body is used to waking up early. Your dad looks back at you and laughs at your messy hair, smiles brighter when he sees one of your mom’s arms sticking out of the couch. “Rise and shine!” He says brightly.

“Morning…” The sound of your croaky voice seems to wake up your mom, as she’s already rubbing her face.

“Smells good.” She says in the same tone as you. “Is it almost done?”

“I just finished. Come take a seat.” Your dad turns off the gas from the stove. The scent of kimchi jjigae fills your home, and it makes you feel a lot more energized even before having a taste of it.

You run your hand through your hair to try and make it more presentable. Your mother goes up to your dad to ask for a taste, he waits for her approval. You start setting the cutlery and it makes you think of the mornings before school, but rather than getting sentimental, you enjoy the moment with a smile.

“Y/Nie, do you want apple juice?” Your mom asks with the fridge open, you just nod as you sit down.

When the three of you sit down to finally eat, you start to realize how much you actually missed this. You spent your mornings in Seoul either eating a quick and not-really-filling meal, or eating an energy bar and a vending machine kimbap with your teammates before practice. You don’t remember the last time you had a hearty breakfast.

The sound of laughter and birds chirping combined with the smell of a home cooked meal and the warmth of a seaside morning couldn’t compare to any of the emotions that crossed your heart whenever you won a match. 

Your mom and dad gossip to you about your neighbors and everything you missed while you were away.

You don’t find it hard to believe when they tell you that the weird old man that used to drink his nights away at the port got arrested. One of your neighbors' sons dropped out of college to be a model, Kim Sunoo apparently. Good for him, you always thought he had a pretty face.

Supposedly, Minji keeps her title as the number 1 student even in college. You’re not surprised, but you do feel full all of a sudden. There’s just a little bit of stew left when you groan, “Ah… I’m full…”

Your mom raises an eyebrow, “Already?” She looks at your bowl and laughs, “Nevermind, you finished pretty fast.”

“Do you eat well in Seoul?” Your dad asks. You feel a little flustered at the question and stutter when you answer, “I mean… not in the morning, but I eat pretty healthily the rest of the day. Me and Haneul prepare meals when we have afternoon practice. I’d say we’re pretty good cooks.”

Your parents laugh, “I guess we’ll put you to the test one day.” Your mom nudges you, “And it’s ‘Haneul and I’, by the way.”

The correction makes your eyes roll as you stand up to wash your dishes, “Yeah, yeah, grammar queen. I’m gonna go take a shower and go to Gyuvin’s to surprise him, ‘kay?”

“Aye aye, captain!” Either your parents planned to do the same move and say the same thing at the same time beforehand, or they’re literal soulmates.

You get out of the shower and choose a simple outfit- some baggy, ripped jeans and a graphic tee that you found in your closet (you asked your mom if it was clean enough for you to wear, considering the closet looked a little dusty; she said it was fine). The shirt felt a little tight around the arms and it was quite smaller than you expected, but it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. If anything it made the outfit more interesting.

So you stand outside your friend's house, with nothing in your hands but a smile on your face. You’re not really sure if it’ll be him or his mom answering the door, but you hope either of them will be happy to see you.

You ring the doorbell, and immediately hear footsteps get closer from inside. You don’t know if your heart is going to race everytime this happens, but you just hope you get used to the feeling. The door opens and you're met with a familiar face, Ms. Kim, Gyuvin’s mom, dressed up and ready to go to work. It’s summer, though?

“Y/Nie?” She looks delighted to see you, and yet quite surprised. “You came back!”

You give her a bright smile after you bow in respect, “Good morning, Ms. Kim! How have you been?” 

She steps back in a manner to invite you inside, “Oh, I’ve been well, dear. Gyuvin told me you weren’t able to visit these past years. We all missed you very much.” Her words surprise you, and you feel a little guilt squeezing your heart for two seconds.

“I’m glad to hear that, Ms.” She walks around the kitchen, packing what seems to be a lunchbox into her bag, yet still giving you her full attention. “Are you heading to work?” You ask curiously.

“Oh, yeah.” She looks a little agitated, “They don’t give me breaks, baby. I work for the news now!”

“Oh! How has that been going?”

She stops in her tracks, “Honestly, quite great.” She says, and you both laugh together. “Does Gyuvin know you’re here? I imagine he’s who you came to see.”

“He doesn’t.” The woman looks quite surprised. “I wanted to surprise him. I arrived just yesterday.”

“Oh honey, you’re gonna give him a heart attack.” She laughs and you chuckle, “I hope not!” You say,

“He’s in his room. He’s probably still asleep, but he’ll wake up if you knock hard enough. Make sure he doesn’t think you’re me, then he won’t get up.” The woman unlocks the door, coat hanging from her arm and bag over her shoulder, when she sees you nod. “I heard you won third place this half, right?”

“That’s right, ma’am.” You proudly say.

“Go Tigers!” Is the last thing she says before she walks out of the door. What a charming woman. You smile at yourself before walking up the stairs to your friend’s room.

Knock knock. No answer.

Knock knock knock. A groan.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. A louder groan.

“Kim Gyuvin, I will bust your door down.” You yell, “You think my legs haven’t gotten stronger?”

Fast stomps and the sound of a clutter of objects falling on the ground startle you slightly. The door opens so roughly you wonder if Gyuvin himself has also gotten stronger.

“Y/N?!”

“What fell on the ground?” You chuckle. He hugs you, possibly tighter than your dad. You didn’t quite expect it, but you welcome it anyway.

He pulls away like he’s checking if you’re not a hologram. You laugh the hardest when he pokes your cheek. He looks relieved, then mad. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! When did you get here?!”

“I got here yesterday. You were still awake, I think. But I wanted to greet you properly, and I was really tired last night.” You explain with a little bit of remorse.

“Dude!” He hugs you once again, “Bro, I can’t believe you're back!” You hug him just as tightly. “I’m really happy I’m here.”

He pushes you lightly with a smirk, “Don’t get sappy on me.” He teases, “Congrats on third place, tiger.” You cringe at the nickname and push him back.

“Eww!” You both laugh, and you notice the bundle of things he has on the floor of his room, “You dropped all that?”

Gyuvin looks back, and pushes you out of his room, closing the door in shame. Unbelievable.

You hear him pick up the things and put them back in place, until he finally opens the door again. You’re right where he left you. “Get dressed. Your mom made you breakfast.”

“Wait, help me pick an outfit!” You’ve been here for less than a day and he’s already being annoying. Like always.

“Bro, I’m wearing a shirt that’s too small for me, I am not the one to ask for fashion help.”

“That’s your fault for getting swole!” You hear him yell while you go down the stairs. Maybe nothing's really changed.

You’re back at the kitchen. You look at the lonely plate at the table, it doesn’t look very appetizing. It’s not like it’s a bad meal, it’s an omelet and toast, but when you touch it it’s abnormally cold. Fuck you Gyuvin. He was probably supposed to wake up a while ago.

You take the plate and place it in the microwave, one minute should be fine. You open the fridge and snoop around to see if they still- yup, they still have a box of the triangle juice boxes you and Gyuvin always shared at school. Apple was your favorite. You’re sure he or his mom won’t mind you taking one while you wait for the food to heat up.

You take the little plastic straw attached to the juice box and stab it into the designated hole. Just as you close the fridge, you hear the shutter sound effect from a phone. You turn around and see Gyuvin already dressed up and smiling at his phone.

“Did you take a picture of me?” You ask. The microwave beeps, “That’s your food.”

“Check the group chat.” He says as he walks past you to the microwave. You take out your phone and rest your elbows on the counter when you open up the group chat. Gyuvin named it “Beach boys”, even when he himself was the only male.

You’re immediately met with a picture of you from your side, stabbing a hole into your apple juice box. You looked at yourself in the mirror this morning, but you only realize how tight the sleeves of your shirt look when you stare at the photo. “Damn…” You mutter

“Ow! Ow! Hot!” Gyuvin yelps as he walks beside you, plate in his hands. He sits down at the table while you scroll back up to check the other messages.

gyuv | 9:44 A.M.

guys Y/N got so swole its actually insane

sully | 9:44 A.M.

Well yeah shes an athlete what were u expecting

henny | 9:44 A.M.

did she post something on ig?

where is this coming from

minj | 9:44 A.M.

Good morning first of all

gyuv | 9:45 A.M.

yeah but ud expect her legs to get bigger or her thighs idk

tell me why this absolute gremlin has bigger biceps than me

i feel threatened

this feels like a bro code violation

henny | 9:45 A.M.

this feels more like you just being insecure

i checked her ig and theres nothing?

sully | 9:45 A.M.

Vin are you hallucinating be honest

minj | 9:45 A.M.

Why gremlin

If anything the gremlin is hanni

henny | 9:45 A.M.

literally so out of pocket

what compelled you to say that

gyuv | 9:46 A.M. 

[1 attachment]

henny | 9:46 A.M.

Gyuvin is that ur fuckign house

is that han Y/N in your fucking house.

minj | 9:46 A.M.

What the hell

You | 9:46 A.M.

hi guys!

henny | 9:47 A.M.

Han Y/N are you in gyuvins fucking house

You | 9:47 A.M.

possibly

gyuv | 9:47 A.M.

[1 attachment]

guys im shaking theres a uleague third place winner in my kitchen

im so honored

sully | 9:47 A.M.

Omg she did get swole

Hiii Y/N

gyuv | 9:47 A.M.

RIGHT

IM SAYING LIKE

U DONT EVEM USE UR ARMS IN SOCCER

henny | 9:47 A.M.

Y/N when the FUCK did u get here

im gonna start vrying omg

You | 9:48 A.M.

i got here yesterday at night

i wanted to surprise u guys but ig gyuvin got too excited

pham hanni DO NOT CRY

hi sullyyy !!

henny | 9:48 A.M.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS

You | 9:48 A.M.

stop cursing so much omg

minj | 9:48 A.M.

This is actually crazy

How could you say nothing to us

I feel lowkey betrayed Han Y/N

You | 9:48 A.M.

IM SORRY???

so surprises are the worst thing in the world now huh

gyuvs mom was so much happier to see me than you guys fr

going back to seoul

it seems im not welcome

henny | 9:48 A.M.

Y/N actually stop playing rn

where do we meet

You | 9:49 A.M

me and gyuv will pick u guys up

were going to the soccer field

but i got money from the scholarship so we can buy stuff on the way

gyuv | 9:49 A.M.

guys just to be clear i had literally no idea she was here

she showed up at my house 20 mins ago

sully | 9:49 A.M.

Omg we can go to that antique shop thats close to our high school

henny | 9:50

literally how r u so calm abt this

minj | 9:50 A.M.

Maybe ur just abnormal

You cackle loudly at Minji's last text.

When you arrive at Yoona's house, she's already waiting for you two on her porch. She looks a little taller than when you last saw her. Her eyes light up when she sees you arrive.

“Y/N!” She runs up to you and hugs you so tightly your breath falls a little short. What's with everyone and suffocating you lately? “I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Sully!” You smile at her when you pull back, and the first thing she does is poke your arm. Her jaw drops in awe at the toughness of the muscle and it makes you laugh.

Gyuvin comes up behind you both with his arms open and a silly smirk, “Where my hug at?” It's quite awful. Yoona gags and sends him a distasteful look, which quickly shuts him down

You missed this. And it’s like this - full of banter and laughs - the whole way to Hanni’s house, the three of you take turns at making fun of each other, with the brief recurring tease at your job as an athlete.

Your friends like to brag about you being a college athlete, and a good one at that, but they certainly enjoyed sitting you up on a pedestal as a joke. They talked about you like you were the main star of the national team when in reality most people had little to no idea who you were even on campus, with the exception of the Yujin fans who tried using you to get close to her.

“Y/N, I promise you, when you make it on the national team, there’s gonna be a ton of fan accounts for you.” You’re in the middle of pushing Gyuvin away and blushing at his comment, about to contradict him when you hear a voice calling you.

“Han Y/N!” You don’t even realize you were already at Hanni’s house when you look towards the sound and two girls are waiting for you at the steps of a big house.

The first thing you notice is Hanni’s hair. She cut it, a fuckass (affectionately) bob that looked exactly like the one she wore the first time you ever met her.

The second thing you notice is that Minji is right beside her, already smiling at you. She stands up from the steps she and Hanni were sitting on and shakes off the dust from her pants. She wears a simple white graphic shirt and oversized blue jeans, beige puffer jacket hanging off her arms, and she looks so much taller than how she did when she was 16.

(That’s weird, shouldn’t she have stopped growing by then?)

The third thing you notice is your heartbeat suddenly racing when her eyes and yours meet for the first time in three years.

It beats at the same pace it did when the afternoon sun hit her face when you were 7. It beats at the same pace it did when you stared at her sitting by the window in middle school. It beats at the same pace it did when she sat beside you on the bus and fell asleep with her head on your shoulder.

Nothing has changed. Nothing at all.

It hits you like a bullet through your chest, but you try your best to ignore it as Hanni runs towards you. 

“You asshole!” She yells with a smile on her face, and it contaminates your lips when she hugs you. She doesn’t hug you as tightly, but it’s longer than you expected. When she finally pulls away from you you touch the short strands of hair that cover her ears.

“What happened here?” You ask, watching in awe at the striking change.

“I kind of had an existential crisis last night.” She responds shyly while caressing her trimmed locks. “Minji helped me make it look better. It did not look good when I did it. They didn’t know either!” She points at the two behind you, both of them with their jaws hanging when you look back.

“Dude, you literally look seven again.” You say. You don’t mean it in a teasing way, she genuinely looks younger, but you reconsider telling her that when she hits you in the arm. Hanni widens her eyes at the unexpected roughness, “What the hell… you did get swole.”

“Can we stop talking about that?” The topic of your arms is starting to tire you, but it’s mostly embarrassing, so you groan at the mention.

You hear Minji laugh when Hanni goes up to the other two and they immediately start touching her new hair. It makes you laugh too, but you gasp a little when you feel a hand touch your shoulder.

“Hey.” She says, her god-damned pretty eyes look at you so sweetly, and her voice is so soft, and-

“Hey!” You say before thoughts about her take up your brain and you awkwardly freeze.

She smiles right before she hugs you, and it’s surprisingly warm, but you’re sure most of it comes from your own blood rushing everywhere inside you.

Everything about her is gentle, her eyes, her voice, her embrace. It’s a complete one-eighty in contrast to the tightness of everyone else who’s put their arms around you for the past two days.

“I missed you.” She says so delicately, almost quiet, even if she says it right next to your ear. And you’re about to melt, and she has no idea, so you hug her back, a little less soft than how she does, and say “I missed you too.”

It comes out a lot more calmly than you expect it, and you internally praise yourself for not making a fool out of yourself. It’s not like you want to pull away, but you might start sweating if you don’t.

You take your arms off her back and her warmth suddenly fades away. When she looks at your face again, there’s a small grin painting her lips, “Congrats on the win.” She pokes at your shoulder and you laugh at the gesture.

“It’s only third place. I want first.”

“Oh wow!” Her amused smile makes you dizzy, “Didn’t know you were so ambitious.”

“People change, I guess.” You giggle with her. But you haven’t really changed at all.

“Well, you better get first place, tiger.” She teases and you groan even louder at the nickname as you get away from her to join your friends. Maybe getting over Minji won’t be so hard.

Getting over Minji is going to be fucking impossible. Matter of fact, you're sure it’s never gonna happen. You’re going to be 45 and still think about her, and it’s going to slowly kill you.

You stare as she holds a little cow plush in her hands, inspecting it carefully. Her round eyes shine just like the glossy buttons of the doll. You think of a believable excuse before you take your phone out of your pocket and open the camera app.

You zoom in and despise how your fingers tremble before you snap a photo of the girl, unbeknownst to her.

Gyuvin comes up behind you, his voice is quiet yet it still startles you, “What’s the pic for?”

You look at him with widened eyes and bring your hand to your chest. “Just… memories.” Truth lies within your (not quite) excuse. “I want to look back on things like this when I go back to Seoul.”

The boy narrows his eyes at you and smirks, “So sappy.” He teases, so you zoom out the camera to 0.5 and take a bad close up of his face, “Hey!” He laughs.

You get away and put your phone back in your pocket to look at more of the items in the store. Many things catch your eye, small, shiny, weird, big, you could buy it all if you had the money to.

You walk around the shop, your eyes examine all the items on the old wooden tables and your fingers lightly brush on some of the more eye-catching trinkets. You stare at the little ceramic figurines of dogs and cats and other animals and mentally consider buying the little calico cat on the far left.

There are some cute keychains with little black and white designs as you pass by. You add them to your roster too. Hanni’s voice catches your attention from a few steps away.

“Y/N! What do you think of this cardigan?” She’s in the clothing section of the store, sporting a vintage cream colored wool cardigan with little brown stripes on the sides of the sleeves. It’s a little big on her, but oversized is trendy so it’s fine.

“It’s cute!” Your eyes glance towards some of the clothes behind her, “I like that one better though.” You point at the blue-gray checkered sweater behind her and she frowns in confusion when she looks at it, “Y/N, that’s so ugly.” Guess you don’t have an eye for fashion.

“Oh well…” You sigh and keep looking for more artifacts.

As you walk around, you accidentally bump the top of your head on some of the ornaments that hang on the ceiling, the sound of multiple wind chimes emerge a little before your quiet “Ow!”, which grabs the attention of Yoona and Gyuvin.

“You okay?” The girl asks in concern, but you can hear her hold back a laugh between her teeth. Gyuvin isn’t so subtle, his laughs resonating on the walls of the shop.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You assure Yoona as you rub your forehead with your eyes closed, turned away in embarrassment. When your eyes open again, they land on an item that makes you freeze a little.

A small, pale blue hair clip. It looked oddly similar, if not exactly the same as the one Minji wore on the first day you met. The clip she lost on that same day while the five of you swam in the ocean together.

You remember her being so upset when she realized it wasn’t there anymore, so much she cried silently on the way back to your respective houses. She was over the sadness of losing it in less than a week, but it stuck with you after Hanni told you in a whisper that it was the first time she ever saw Minji cry.

You immediately take the clip in your hands, the first item you’re certain you will buy. Actually, you buy it in that same instant. Thankfully, none of your friends seem to notice your quiet purchase, too engrossed in their own item search.

The five of you spend around 40 minutes in total in that damn shop, and you could kind of tell the owner was getting sick of Gyuvin’s constant questions on how he acquired the items. “They’re mostly donations or things I find on trips. I don’t know anything else.” He says.

In the end, you bought a few more things apart from the hair clip. You did end up buying the little calico cat figurine, a silver necklace with a spiral pendant, a pack of stamps with really cool designs, and a love letter.

There was a cardboard box sitting on a chair in one corner of the shop with a sign that said “Old Love Letters, ₩300 Each”, and not only is it something you’ve never seen anyone sell before, but it’s also cheap. How could you not buy a chance to snoop around in unknown people’s love lives? 

You put your stuff in the little tote bag Yoona had bought for you. She said the design made her think of you (it had three monochrome fish painted over it).

Now you’re making your way towards the nearest soccer field. You used to play there all the time with Gyuvin, sometimes the other girls joined, or some of the other kids in the neighborhood.

The five of you walked with you right in the middle, like you were the center of a K-pop group. It definitely made you stand out to the locals of the neighborhoods you passed through, and some of them even recognized you and went as far as to congratulate you.

Did your parents tell the entire town about your rank in the league?

“It’s like I’m walking with a celebrity.” Hanni voices just as you get back from shaking hands with one of the old men of the neighborhood. As much as you enjoy the praise and congratulations, it’s a little embarrassing to acknowledge you’re gaining a lot more fame within this town. You imagine this is how famous soccer players feel everytime they go out in public.

“Microcelebrity.” You clarify, “Aren’t you an influencer?” You recall Hanni spamming the group chat one time in the first year of high school because one of her Instagram posts had gone viral. After a while of her videos getting more and more views, she started gaining a small following and could be considered a daily-life influencer.

“Yeah, but most of my followers aren’t from here so I don’t get recognized everytime I go out.”

“To be fair, this is the first time this has happened to me. My parents probably told the whole town about this.”

“Oh, they sure did. Even my mom found out.” Minji states, to your surprise. Minji’s mother was well known for not liking any sports at all, and it’s not that she hated them, she just wasn’t interested. She didn’t even know who Messi or Ronaldo were.

“Wow… I knew they liked to gossip, but that’s… crazy.” You scratch your nape shyly. Your parents are known for finding out everything, but you didn’t know they also told everything they knew.

“She didn’t really know what anything meant but she was very happy for you.” She says with a smile.

Oh! There’s a strange giddy feeling that shows up as a smile on your face you can’t hold back. You’re not really sure what to say, but you don’t even have to worry about it, because before you realize you’re already at the field, and when the boys that are playing there take notice of your presence, all you can hear is screams.

Sounds of “Y/N Noona!”, “No way it’s Y/N!”, “You’re back?!” get closer as the match pauses and they start running towards you. Most of them are your high school classmates, some are your younger neighbors or underclassmen you played with during recess.

You get closer and they bombard you with hugs and questions, with countless reminders of how much they missed you. One of them complains about you not answering his texts, and another boy defends you by excusing your forgetfulness on being busy.

“Okay, okay. I’ll make it up to you with a match, okay?”

You end up playing for two hours straight, the first half with your friends as a team, but after a while it seemed like the only one with energy left was you. Not even Gyuvin could keep up your pace.

“No wonder she’s an athlete.” Hanni says, fanning herself under the shadow of a tree that trespassed the field enclosure. Your friends were all sitting down on the ground, watching attentively at the match you played against the boys while chatting.

It was 5v1 and you were winning 4-2.

Minji watched carefully at the way you carried yourself on the field, so graceful and yet not passive at all, a different perspective compared to how you usually are.

There's a little bit of sweat that glistens on your forehead, and after playing for such a long time you only now start to look slightly tired. “I pray everyday she makes it to the national team and gets rich.” Gyuvin says.

“Same.” Hanni answers, laying down on a blanket over the warm grass and resting her head on her bag and it makes Yoona laugh when she grumbles at the discomfort of feeling all the crystals she bought on the back of her head.

The boys score another goal at you, so you decide to get serious and start playing like you would at a normal university match. Minji stares when you run faster and slide through the opponents so easily. She kind of wonders if she could calculate your speed mentally.

Field length = 55 meters, Penalty area length = 9 meters

You were around 9.2 meters from the halfway line and traveled around 18 meters in a straight line, Minji counts 4 seconds.

18/4 = 5 m/s, 1 m/s = 3.6 km/h, 5 * 3.6 = 18 km/h

Han Y/N’s speed in that one moment was 18 km/h.

The average maximum sprint speed of La Liga athletes was 30 km/h, according to an NLM article (don’t ask Minji how she knows that; she isn’t even studying medicine).

Suddenly Minji feels the need to see you play an actual serious match.

“I don’t think you need to pray.” She says with a smirk, standing up from the ground and wiping away the bristles of grass stuck to her jeans. “She has it in the bag.”

The others notice her taking out her wallet from her pocket, “Can you buy me a Fanta?” Gyuvin makes puppy eyes at Minji, even while knowing they never work on her, or anyone for that matter.

She gives him nothing but a wave and walks away, “She’s not getting you shit, dude.” Hanni kicks Gyuvin in the back with the tip of her foot and Yoona laughs at the scene.

The grocery store is not far away at all, only a block from the field, and Minji treads lightly with her mind made up on what to buy. A bag of chips and two glasses of apple juice, and maybe a strawberry lollipop for Hanni, NOT cherry, she notes.

The owner is an older lady who used to babysit Minji’s mom. She’s seen her countless times in her life so it’s easy for her to greet her brightly. “It’s been so long, Minji!” The woman greets her, her aged features morphing into a kind smile.

It’s true, it has been a long time. She doesn’t really come here that often anymore unless she’s taking a walk out of boredom or walking the neighbors dog when she’s out of town. She used to come here all the time when you all went to play soccer, but the matches got less and less frequent after you left, mostly because the only one who actually wanted to play was Gyuvin.

Minji makes her way to the drink section of the store and lights up when she sees the chilled glasses of apple juice right where she remembers them being. She was honestly surprised you hadn’t brought a water bottle with you when you left, and maybe just water would be healthier and hydrate you better, but she’d rather make you happier with your favorite drink.

(You would’ve been happy enough even if she just brought you water.)

The glass is cold when it reaches her hand, a nice contrast from the heat of the afternoon sun. She was starting to get a little hungry so maybe instead of chips she’d get a sandwich. Maybe she’ll get two.

She excuses herself in her mind, she’s not excluding her other friends! It’s just… this day is about you, of course her focus would be you. And maybe tomorrow. And maybe the whole time you’re here. She laughs at herself while walking up to the counter. She meant it when she told you she missed you.

“That would be ₩4,200 but I’ll give to you for ₩4,000 because I missed you.” The woman beams her a warm smile and Minji can’t help but return it. She hands her 4,200 won anyways and is out the door before the woman can complain. “Bye, Mrs. Do!”

Minji walks back with a smile on her face, the wind hits and blows her hair back. Some leaves and dust get blown her way too but she doesn’t have to squint her eyes because they already do that when she smiles. 

The sun isn’t as bright and the rays don’t burn her skin anymore. She hears louds screams just as she’s getting closer to the field, and when she looks through the gaps of the metal enclosure she sees Gyuvin running up to hug you while the boys you were playing with fall to the ground in defeat.

She missed your win. Minji puckers up her bottom lip and sighs, shoulders shrugging helplessly.

You hadn’t even realized she had left until you see her enter the field again, so you send her a light smile she almost doesn’t catch. She looks back to the other girls and when her eyes meet Hanni laying on the grass she realizes she forgot her strawberry lollipop. Oh well.

She sits down next to Yoona and takes her sandwich out of her bag.

“What’d you buy?”

“Just stuff. Nothing for Gyuvin.”

Yoona laughs at the comment. “The apple juice is for Y/N, right?” Minji nods as she looks at you tap the boys on the back to cheer them up, “You can have the other one if you want.”

Minji was just about to open the packaging of her sandwich when she sees you and Gyuvin walk towards her. She quickly stops her actions and takes the other cold glass from the plastic bag, struggles a little to open the lid, and just as you take your last step she holds the cold apple juice to your face, or the closest to it her arm could reach.

You’re a little taken aback, but luckily you don’t blush at her act. Instead you just smile at her, mirroring Minji’s own kind smile and take the glass from her hand. “Thanks.” You say before you take a sip.

Both of your hearts feel full, yours at the flavor of apple that fills your tastebuds and calms the thirst of running for hours, and hers at the fact she made you even just a little happy with such a small action.

You gulp down probably half the glass down and end it with a “Ah~” that makes your friends laugh. “You still do that?” Hanni sits up and rests her hands behind her on the grass.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve done that since you were a kid.” Minji says and your eyebrows raise,”Really?” All your friends nod.

“I never noticed.”

Minji goes back to her sandwich as you and Gyuvin sit down in front of the other three. You’re tired now, but you don’t wanna lay on the grass because you say it makes you itch, so you try resting your body weight on Gyuvin, to which he adamantly pushes you away, “You’re heavy, Y/N!”

“What the hell, bro. I’m literally not?” You pout at him to try and get him to surrender but he just pushes you away harder every time you try to lay your back against him.

“Go lay on Minji or something, not me.” He says as he pushes you for the last time, you hear Hanni laugh.

You look at Minji and she’s already putting away the plastic bag she had on her lap. Oh, okay, yeah, no biggie. No problem at all.

You do a great impression of acting normal and move to sit next to her. “The shadow is better on this side anyways.” You fake whine at the boy as Minji grabs your shoulder and guides you to rest your back on top of her legs.

You turn your body so that you face her and hope she can’t tell your heart starts beating faster when you notice she’s already looking down at you. It’s a beautiful scene.

Minji’s face, the green leaves of the trees behind her and the sun peeking through the gaps, the wind blowing her hair a little to the side, the way her eyes smile at the same time she does. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You answer.

Everything about this is normal! You have to close your eyes so you believe it, and you start to after a few seconds. Everything about this is normal. It feels so normal and you love it.

It’s soothing. The wind caresses your face and you lose focus on the conversation your friends were having beside you.

And then Minji starts running her fingers through your hair and you lose focus on anything that’s not her.

Your heartbeat picks up for a few seconds and then it doesn’t. And then it’s all calm again. Your eyes are closed but your mind pictures Minji so vividly, smiling at you sweetly while her eyes. Her loving eyes.

God, you hope you’re not blushing, because you can already feel yourself getting warm all over. Thankfully, the gentle breeze is there to save you when you need it.

 And then there’s a moment where everything, the breeze, Minji’s hands caressing you, and the sound of playful conversation, all merge at the perfect moment and you experience a calm that feels heavenly. Almost divine, and it sends you into instant slumber.

You don’t really remember every detail of what you dream of, you just remember it being about Minji, Seoul and snow. Either way, you know it had something to do with her confessing her feelings to you after you win nationals. You remember that you froze after she kissed you, then called your name after she saw you not move.

“Y/N! Y/N!” You hear your name being called out, then your body being shaked roughly. “Y/N!” You hear loudly before you wake yourself up.

“Sorry!” You don’t know what you’re apologizing for until your body jerks away and your forehead almost hits Minji’s. “Oh, sorry.”

“You fell asleep.” She states the obvious with a giggle.

“No shit, queen.” You hear Hanni laugh loudly at your response. “How long was I out for?”

“It’s 5:25.” Yoona says behind you, only then you realize they were already packing up and it was time to go. Where? You have no idea.

“Shit. Sorry guys.” You sit back up and stretch your muscles before you can stand properly.

“My legs fell asleep, you know?” Minji announces, and when you look back at her she has a teasing smirk on her face.

“Yeah, well, maybe blame Gyuv for that.” You answer sassily, but you can’t help but feel a little guilty.

Said male goes to grab the tote bag Yoona got you and the half finished apple juice you left behind and holds the bag it to your face while you’re still stretching, “Hurry up, girl. We gotta go to the beach before sunset.” He throws the bag at you and you catch it just in time.

“Careful! I have a cat in there!”

You arrive at the beach at exactly 6:00 P.M. and as soon as you get to the sand Gyuvin is already taking his shoes and shirt off. You look at everyone, confused on the plan you never actually listened to.

“We were going to swim?”

“Do you not want to?” Hanni asks.

“I don’t know…” You look at your friends with a sorry expression. You were already worn out from the whole match, and even after you slept a whole two hours on Minji’s lap, you still felt a little tired. “I’m kinda drained guys.”

“Bro… How could you?” Minji looks at you like she’s so betrayed and you laugh at her annoying little face that’s also so pretty and cute and annoying

“Bro… I’m sorry.” You play along. Calling the love of your life “bro” is crazy.

Okay, “love of your life” is an exaggeration (it’s literally not, in every sense of the word literally).

“I’ll watch your bags and take pics!” You tried bargaining, and they look at you like you’re crazy. “Guys, please, we can come swim tomorrow. The beach is not going anywhere considering we literally live beside it.”

Then Yoona gets real close to you and whispers, “You’ll pay for this.” then takes off her shoes.

“What the hell, man.”

Gyuvin and Yoona are already running at the sea and splashing each other, they don’t actually care about you not joining. Hanni hands you her bag with a strange force and you don’t know where it came from, “Take care of my babies.” She says.

“Your… babies?”

“My crystals.”

“Oh, right. I will.”

Minji walks up to you when Hanni walks away and hands you her jacket and another bag, this time plastic, “There’s one sandwich left in there. I told Gyubin not to eat it and I didn’t think he was going to listen but he did, surprisingly.” She tells you with a smile.

“Thanks. Very thoughtful of you man.” Alright, pack it up.

Minji sends you one last smile before she leaves and your heart beats when her eyes squint too. You watch her disappear into the waves and smile. You take out your phone and take a picture of your friends all swimming and playing in the water, their silhouettes clashing with the sun that was just about to set. It’s so pretty you make it your lock screen immediately.

You take out a blanket from Hanni’s bag, the same one she was laying on in the soccer field, and spread it on the ground to sit down. You take off your sneakers before they get filled with sand and take comfort in the warmth of the sand beneath you.

You stare at your friends for a bit, a beautiful picture presented just for you. You’re so happy to be back. Your stomach lets out a loud grumble before you even get to tear up. What a way to ruin the mood.

You take the bag Minji gave you and take out the sandwich. Ham, bacon, cheese, lettuce- oh, who cares. You take a bite out of it and it tastes like home. She definitely bought it from Mrs. Do.

It eases your hunger quite well. You hear the waves crash and Minji’s laugh from far away and, what a beautiful sound. What a beautiful person. You think of Minji and think of beautiful, not just from her appearance but her soul. What a beautiful soul.

You take your last bite and your stomach feels full, but you feel a little empty and can’t pinpoint what it is. You feel like you’re forgetting something. You reach for your new bag and search for whatever it seems you're forgetting.

Oh, right, the letter. Suddenly you feel excited.

The sun starts just in time. What a way to set the mood. You take out the white envelope and notice it still has some scent remaining. It kinda smells like something Minji used to wear, jasmine and liquorice. You didn’t smell it on her today, though.

You notice the envelope doesn’t have a sender or recipient name anywhere on it, nowhere at all. Maybe they didn’t plan to send it, or they changed the envelope at the shop. Eager to know more, you rip the envelope, careful not to damage the letter itself.

You take it out and take a deep breath to prepare yourself. You’re probably a little more excited than you should be, but whatever. You’re excited to intrude on a stranger's possibly failed love confession.

Except when you unfold the page, it’s not from a stranger.

You panic and fold the letter closed just as fast as you had opened it. You must have misread, right?

You open it again and the top says “Kim Minji, 23rd of June, 2021” like it’s a diary.

It must be another Kim Minji. There are hundreds of thousands in South Korea. It could be anyone. Anyone at all. So you keep reading in hopes it’s someone who’s not the girl swimming in the sea just a few meters away from you.

Dear Y/N,

It’s not a stranger. It’s Kim Minji. Your Kim Minji. You’re reading an old love letter from Kim Minji. You bought a love letter from Kim Minji for 300 won.

Wait, why is it addressed to you?

Now, you’re more confused than shocked. Now, you have to find out. You were going to put it down and not read it to not intrude and break your own heart, but now you have to find out why on Earth the first two words are Dear Y/N written in Kim Minji’s handwriting. So you keep reading.

Dear Y/N, I hope this finds you well. If you’re reading this, I gave this to you on the 24th or maybe even earlier on a strike of confidence. I hope you’re not keeping yourself up to read this at midnight. I wanted to tell you something I’ve been keeping for a long time before you leave for Seoul. Maybe it’s a selfish thing to do, and it won’t keep you from departing, but I think it would be worse to tell you this through text and I can’t bring myself to say it to your face.

I have feelings for you. Real romantic feelings. I like you a lot.

I like possibly everything about you and it’s killing me that I’m so scared and unable to tell you. I don’t even know what I’m so afraid of, really. Probably rejection, but even if you did like me back I still have to live without you for four years. My wish of you coming to visit me will probably depend on how harsh your rejection is, but I’d still like to see you back regardless.

When you first told us you got that scholarship for Korea University, I was so happy and proud of you. In a perfect world I would have kissed you and told you how happy I was for you and maybe even gone with you. But it’s not a perfect world and I just told you “Congratulations!” and you’re leaving tomorrow, without me. 

I’m not one to take pictures, if anything that’s you, but right now I wish I had an album full of photos of you, of us, because I don’t know how I’ll make it without seeing you everyday. I think I won’t, actually. I hope you consider letting me borrow the photo album full of the countless pictures you take, even if they’re not of you they might fill the void you leave in my heart.

Anything from you will suffice, I think, but just your memory is not enough.

I kinda wish you could stay, but I also know you’re going to do your best over there and I hope you fulfill your dream of being a professional player. When you said you were going to choose to study mass communication I thought “that must mean she’s going to communicate with us a lot!” I hope it does. I hope you don’t miss us too much, but I do hope you miss me a little bit more.

I’ve never written a love letter before, if you could even call this that, so excuse me if this is not a good one, I’m sorry. I should probably state what I like most about you, but I don’t even know where to begin.

I love the way you’re driven to do your best even at the smallest of things. When we first met, you built us the best sand castle I had ever seen in my short life of seven years. The sandcastle was still standing when we went to visit it the next day.

You do your best at school, even when it gets hard for you, and I love that you’re not afraid to ask for help when you really need it. I kind of envy that if I’m honest. I hope you become the best student in your major.

I remember the time we babysat Ms.Yoon’s daughter and you were the only one who knew how to change her diapers and at what time to feed her. I also love how good you are with kids and sometimes it makes me think of very inappropriate thoughts of building a family together, but I won’t get into that because I don’t want to be weirder than I’m already being right now.

I love the way you always try your best to make me smile when I’m upset or stressed and even just the thought of you going out of your way to care is enough for my heart to melt. When I got sick in middle school while my mom was out of town you came to my house every day and made me chicken soup. I think that was the day I started thinking of you as more than just a friend.

I love the way you look when you put your hair up in a ponytail. I used to stare at you the entire time we watched you play during recess in middle school.

I love the way you’re clumsy and you’re never embarrassed about it. You always get up when you fall and you don’t pretend it doesn’t hurt when you scrape your knees. And I love the way you still try to smile when I’m patching up your wounds.

I love the way you always want the best for us and encourage us to be ambitious. I wouldn’t be on top of my class if it weren’t for you.

I love the way you like cats and they like you back. They always hiss at me unless you’re around. Maybe it’s a sign that we should be together all the time.  

I love the way you say Ah~ when you finish drinking water after playing soccer.

I love (you) the way you love apple juice. I hope you feel the same. – Kim Minji

P.s. if you don’t i also understand and you’re free to do whatever you want with this letter.

You have no idea at what point you started to tear up, but you only realize when a tear falls from your eye into the paper and blurs the ink in the last “Minji”. 

You don’t even process anything around you at that point. All you can think about is that Minji liked you 3 years ago and never told you and now you don’t even know if she still likes you.

No matter how much you think about it, you would’ve absolutely given her your photo album, if only the letter had actually gotten to you when it was supposed to.

“I saw you open the letter from over there, I came here to be nosy.” You can’t tell anything she says because you’re so entranced but you can tell it’s Minji’s voice. You freeze when she sits beside you.

“Is it any good?” She asks before realizing you’re completely paralyzed. “Hey, are you crying?” She touches your shoulder in concern, and it wakes you up a little bit, but the only thing you can do is hand her the letter.

She stares at you for a few seconds before she finally takes the page and mutters, “Oh.”

You don’t really want to look at her, and you don’t know what comes over you that makes you turn your head anyways. The red sun rays hit her face in a way that makes her tan skin glow. Her hair is damp and her shirt is stuck to her body but you don’t dare to look.

She’s clearly just as shocked as you are to see the object in her hands. And she still looks so beautiful. “Y/N, I-” You wipe your tears and sniff before she turns and see them in your eyes.

“Was this the one you bought?” You nod, and she looks back at it with her mouth hung low. “I… was wondering where this went. I thought I lost it.”

“You didn’t send it? At all?” Minji shakes her head. Wow, this is so great. “Why didn’t you?”

“I was supposed to give it to you before you left. I was hoping it would make you stay, but then I thought I was being too selfish and… just didn’t.” There’s clearly some regret still left in her face and the wind starts to blow. You hand her the jacket you put down next to your friends’ bags. “Thanks.” She says as she puts it on. You turn away to look at the sunset and gather your thoughts.

There’s no expression on your face for Minji to read, and for some reason she starts getting worried. “Y/N… I- It’s been three years, you don’t have to worry about-”

“Do you still?” You ask while looking away at the sea.

Minji stays quiet.

“Do you?”

She still keeps quiet. You turn to face her.

“Please tell me the truth, Minji.”

There’s something about how the sun makes your eyes glow and how you say her name that sabotages Minji at not giving in.

“Yes.” She speaks out with a sigh, “I do. I still do.”

You don’t know if your heart is beating faster or slower, but you feel it beat stronger. You turn away to get your bag, Minji just watches, her eyebrows slightly furrowed in distress and curiosity. The only thing she wants right now is to know how you feel.

You reach inside your bag for something, and Minji can’t really tell what it is when you take it out.

Finally, you extend the pale blue hair clip in your hand, “I have liked you since we were seven, Minji.” The girl looks at the clip then at you, her round eyes widened in disbelief.

“Are you serious?”

You hold your hand closer to her, urging her to take the gift before you sniff once again, “I saw this and thought of you. It looks like the one you had when we first met, that’s the day I started liking you. I haven’t stopped since.”

Minji takes the clip from your hands and feels herself tear up, says nothing, stares at it, then stares at you.

“We’ve known each other for thirteen years and I’ve loved you for thirteen of them.”

“I had no idea.”

“We had no idea.”

“We knew nothing about everything.” It’s now Minji’s turn to sniffle but still smiles as she wipes away the tears that threaten to fall from her eyes.

“How could you never say anything? Thirteen years, Y/N.” Minji complains while caressing the blue clip in her hands like it’s a precious stone. “Thirteen.”

“I got distracted with soccer.” Minji laughs with you and pushes you away by the shoulder. “Every goal I’ve ever made has been for you, though,”

“That’s so cheesy.” Minji giggles to herself as she pops the clip open and places it on her hair, it snaps shut with a ‘click’. “What do you think?” She says, turning to you. She tries to ignore your eyes and how sweetly they look at her.

“I think I love you more than I love apple juice.”

That’s the last thing you say before Minji smiles and gets shy, she looks away but her hand searches for yours and you help her by placing yours over hers. She fights back by taking it back and placing hers on top of yours. It makes you laugh.

The sound of your laugh takes her attention and now she stares directly at you, a smile on her own face. Her cheeks now take a reddish color, and her eyes shine like the reflection of the sunlight on the water. It feels like a deja vu.

You think you could stare at Minji’s face all day and not complain. You think maybe she thinks so too with how intensely she’s looking at you.

You raise your eyebrow when her eyes trail down from your eyes to your lips, and she seems to notice when your lips form a smirk. “What?” She giggles at herself, her already red cheeks turn an even darker shade.

“I saw that.”

“Weren’t we about to?”

“So straightforward, You should’ve been like that when sending that letter.”

“Oh my god, shut up.”

Is the last thing she says before she leans forward, she hesitates a little bit and her eyes go from your lips to your eyes, a shine of expectancy as if asking for permission, even when she already has it.

She’s about to close the gap when the both of you hear a chorus of gasps from the sea. It takes your attention. Hanni, Gyuvin and Yoona are all pushing each other giggling and gasping, hands on their mouths. You hear a faint “It’s finally happening.”, You can’t tell who it’s from though.

Minji is visibly annoyed, yells “Look away!” and it bounces in the waves. It’s actually insane how dumb she looks, red cheeks, furrowed eyebrows, pouty, perfect lips. It takes you everything to control yourself and even then you still can’t help grabbing her face gently and turning it towards you to finally, once and for all, kiss her.

You don’t really care if your friends actually turned away or not, because you can’t really tell with how glorious it feels to kiss Minji. It almost feels holy. You feel like you died and went to heaven in five minutes.

It’s a new feeling, a new experience, and it feels so familiar at the same time. Like flowing with the waves, like dancing with the wind, like drowning in apple juice, drowning in love.

Your lips dance like that for a while. At one point Minji’s hand goes up to your face and it’s such a warm feeling it makes you smile into the kiss. You start running out of breath and you don’t even notice. You could die happily if it meant dying with Minji’s lips on yours.

But then your stupid survival instincts kick in and it’s such a shame you have to pull away.

Both of your breaths are heavy and you burst out in laughter at the same time when your eyes meet. When your laughs die down your eyes fall on the pale blue clip that adorned Minji’s head. “You look so cute.”

“Says you.”

And then you hear cheering from the beach again. “Finally!” Hanni yells. You watch in astonishment, “Did she know?” You ask Minji while the both of you watch the three of your friends jump up and down in the water.

“I have no idea. I didn’t tell her. She might’ve noticed.” The cogs start to turn in your brains.

“They all did.” You and Minji say at the same time, then laugh at the same time. What a friendship of thirteen years does to you. And when you see Gyuvin and Hanni get up from the water and get closer to you, you realize you’re about to be ambushed.

“Oh, hell no.” You mumble right before you stand up and grab your bag. Minji just looks at you confused, “Come on, get up. They’re wet.” But Minji doesn’t seem to cooperate.

“Dude!” You grab her hand and pull her up as you run away as far as possible from your friends. You don’t even realize where you’re going, but laughing with Minji while running on the sand at sunset feels heavenly.

You look back and Minji struggles to keep up. Gyuvin and Hanni don’t look anywhere close and they probably decided to just let the both of you go, so you stop running.”

“We…” Minji rests her hands on her knees as she catches her breath, “We didn’t have to run that much. I’m not the soccer player here.”

You send her an apologetic smile, “Sorry…” 

Minji now can stand up and breathe stably. She looks back and there’s no one behind. “So, where do we go now?”

“Home. You need to get changed or else you’re gonna get sick.” You walk towards her to touch her shirt, “It’s still damp.”

“Isn’t your house nearby?” She asks, “I live further away, and it’ll be night by the time we get to my house.”

You squint your eyes at her, “My clothes won’t fit on you, they barely fit on me.” You flex your bicep and the sleeve gets so tight it’s going to cut your blood flow if you keep it like that. “And I haven’t seen your mom yet.”

“And I want to have dinner with your parents.” She confesses. “My first official meeting with them as your girlfriend.” You never actually established that but it’s not like you’re going to refuse the offer.

“You’re actually so annoying, bro.”

“Says you, bro.”

“I’m your girlfriend, bro.”

“No shit, bro.” Minji holds her hand out for you to take it, and you gladly do. You start walking in silence for a little bit.

“Also, my mom won’t let us make out at my house.”

“Okay, that’s enough, bro.” You take your hand back and walk faster to get away from Minji. She immediately sprints to catch up and stick to you.

“I was kidding!” She tries to grab your hand but you refuse it and take it back. “Hey! Hold my hand!”

You look at her and wouldn’t you know, she’s making puppy eyes at you. It makes you give in, it never fails. “You’re so sticky.”

“You wanna know something?” She says as you start walking together again.

“What?”

“When you kissed me it tasted like apple juice.”

end.

🗒️ probably one of my favorite things i've written i giggled a lot and had fun writing this.. there's probably lots of mistakes here and there but i beg u pls ignore it bc im dizzy i can't look at words anymore. Minecraft coming soon! love u guys 🫂

[meazalykov]

never a footballer

vivianne miedema x reader

summary: you told yourself that you would never date a footballer

you vowed to never date a footballer.

the memory of elisa always lingers when someone brings up relationships in football. back when you played for wolfsburg, you thought you had it all—a solid career, a supportive team, and a relationship with someone who understood your life. 

the reality of being with elisa had been far from perfect. the constant arguments, the exhausting long-distance flights to paris just to spend a day together, only to fight over something trivial. you’d promised yourself after that breakup that you would never mix your personal life with the professional one again. 

footballers were off-limits.  

you were doing just fine sticking to that promise.  

that is, until vivianne came to manchester city.  

she arrived during the transfer window, making the switch from arsenal, and you knew her from the pitch—vivianne miedema, one of the best forwards in the world. you’d marked her countless times when you faced arsenal.

her skill, her strength, her composure—everything about her had been a challenge to contain. but off the pitch, you’d never paid her much attention. now, here she was, training alongside you.  

vivianne had an undeniable presence, one that made you notice her even when you didn’t want to. four inches taller than you, with striking features and an aura that made it hard to look away. you hated how easily your eyes would drift to her during training sessions, especially when she had her hair pulled back, focused, intense. it was distracting, and you didn’t need distractions.  

one day, during training, you crouched down to tie your laces, stealing a glance at vivianne across the pitch. she was standing near the goal, her long legs stretching as she practiced shots. you didn’t realize you’d been biting your lip until jill crouched beside you, smirking.  

“what is that?” she whispered, nudging your arm.  

“what iss what?” you replied quickly, fumbling with the knot in your laces.  

jill gave you a knowing look. “don’t play dumb. i saw you looking at viv. with the lip bite, no less.”  

“you’re imagining things,” you muttered, standing up and dusting your hands off.  

“sure, i am,” jill teased, following you as you jogged back into position. 

“just know, i’m onto you.”  

you ignored her, brushing off the comment as nothing. deep down, you hated that jill had caught you in a moment of weakness. because that’s all it was, you told yourself—a fleeting moment of attraction. nothing more.  

a week later, mary cornered you in the locker room.  

“so, how’d the date with penelope go?” she asked, sitting down beside you on the bench.  

penelope, a manchester lawyer who’s friends with mary and bunny. 

you sighed, pulling your hoodie over your head. 

“it was okay, but its clear that there won’t be a second one. she’s nice, mary, but it’s just not there.”  

mary frowned. 

“not even a second date?”  

“no,” you said firmly, shaking your head. 

“nothing happened, and nothing will.”  

as you spoke, you noticed vivianne nearby, tying her boots. her expression was unreadable, but there was something in her eyes as she glanced in your direction. 

you couldn’t tell if she was amused or curious. either way, it made you nervous.  

then came the game against chelsea—a match that could put manchester city at the top of the league table. it was a massive game where your efforts could push manchester to the top. 

four minutes in, you found yourself with the ball near the halfway line. the chelsea defense was pressing high, and you saw the goalkeeper off her line. instinct took over, and you struck the ball with everything you had. it soared through the air, arching perfectly before dipping into the back of the net.  

the stadium erupted, and for a moment, you couldn’t believe it. you threw your hands up in disbelief, running toward the sideline. before you could process what was happening, vivianne was there, wrapping her arms around you from behind.  

“that was fucking insane!” she said, her voice close to your ear.  

your breath hitched as you felt her hands on your waist, her grip firm but gentle. the rest of the team swarmed around you, pulling you into a celebratory huddle, but all you could think about was the way vivianne’s touch lingered just a second longer than necessary.  

despite the early goal, the game didn’t go as planned. chelsea fought back hard, scoring three unanswered goals by the final whistle. the loss stung, especially with how much was on the line. 

back in the locker room, the mood was somber. you sat on the bench, your head in your hands, replaying every mistake in your mind.  

“you okay?” a familiar voice asked.  

you looked up to see vivianne standing in front of you, her expression soft.  

“no, not really,” you admitted with a weak laugh, trying to mask your frustration.  

vivianne sat down beside you, her knee brushing against yours. 

“you played well. that goal was something I couldn't even have scored. it’s not your fault we lost.”  

you shook your head, staring at the floor. 

“it doesn’t matter. we needed to win, and we didn’t. i feel like i let everyone down.”  

vivianne tilted her head, studying you. 

“you know, it’s okay to feel like that. but you’re not responsible for the whole team.” 

her words were kind, but it was the way she said them—calm, confident, like she truly understood—that made your chest tighten. you looked at her, and for the first time, you noticed how her eyes softened when she smiled.  

“thanks,” you said quietly, feeling a blush creep up your neck.  

she leaned back, resting her hands on the bench. 

“if it helps, i think you’re one of the best defenders i’ve played with. and that’s coming from someone who’s played against a lot of good ones.”  

you laughed softly, the compliment catching you off guard. 

“you don’t have to say that.”  

“i’m not just saying it,” vivianne replied, her tone sincere. “i mean it.”  

the conversation felt easy, natural, like you’d known her for longer than just a few months. but as much as you enjoyed talking to her, there was a part of you that couldn’t ignore the warning signs. the promise you’d made to yourself echoed in the back of your mind—never date a footballer.  

and yet, as vivianne stood up and gave you one last reassuring smile before leaving the locker room, you couldn’t help but question that thought. 

however, you weren’t expecting the change in routine eiher. 

training had always been predictable—tough drills, friendly banter, and the same partnerships. bunny was your go-to partner for most exercises, a pairing that worked well because of your chemistry on and off the pitch. 

so, when vivianne approached bunny during warm-ups and asked if they could switch, you were caught off guard.  

bunny raised an eyebrow, looking between you and vivianne. “you want to pair with her?” she asked, her tone more amused than surprised.  

vivianne nodded, her expression calm but determined. “if you don’t mind.”  

bunny glanced your way, grinning. 

“nah, it’s fine. jill and i will dominate anyway.”  

you blinked, unsure what to say as vivianne jogged over to you. 

“guess we’re partners today,” she said casually, as if this was normal.  

“uh, yeah,” you managed, adjusting your socks to cover the flush creeping up your neck.  

vivianne’s presence beside you felt different—focused yet playful, with a subtle tension you couldn’t quite place. during the 2v2 drills, her skill and vision were undeniable. she found you with perfectly timed passes, and you worked seamlessly to outplay the other pairs. 

by the end of the session, you’d won the mini-tournament, earning a round of applause from the team.  

as you walked toward the locker room, still buzzing from the morning’s success, vivianne jogged up beside you.  

“you were amazing,” she said, her voice light but genuine.  

“you’re not so bad yourself,” you replied, smirking.  

she laughed, the sound warm and melodic. “listen, there’s this italian place down the street. want to grab lunch?”  

you hesitated, assuming it was a team outing. 

“sure, sounds good. is everyone going?”  

vivianne shook her head. “just us.”  

the simplicity of her words caught you off guard. you blinked, trying to hide your surprise. 

“oh. okay, yeah, let me grab my stuff.”  

twenty minutes later, you found yourself sitting across from vivianne in a cozy italian restaurant, the scent of garlic and fresh herbs filling the air. the setting was intimate, far more personal than you’d anticipated.  

vivianne was relaxed, her elbows resting on the table as she scanned the menu. 

“they do a great spaghetti carbonara here,” she said, glancing up at you.  

you nodded, suddenly hyper-aware of how shy you felt under her gaze. 

“i’ll try that, then.”  

the conversation started easy—training highlights, upcoming matches, favorite foods. vivianne had a natural charm that made you forget your nerves, her smile disarming and her laugh infectious.  

after a while, the dynamic shifted. vivianne leaned back in her chair, her tone turning playful. 

“so, bunny mentioned you went on a date recently. with a lawyer, right?”  

you blinked, startled by the sudden turn. 

“yeah, but it didn’t work out.”  

vivianne tilted her head, her lips curving into a teasing smile. 

“so, no lawyer girlfriend waiting in the wings?”  

you laughed, shaking your head. 

“nope. no girlfriend, no nothing. it’s been a few years since my last relationship.”  

vivianne’s expression softened, her curiosity genuine. “what happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”  

you hesitated, then sighed. 

“i was with elisa, elisa from psg. we were long-distance for most of it since i was still at wolfsburg, and it just… didn’t work. we argued a lot, and balancing our careers made everything harder.”  

vivianne nodded slowly, her gaze steady. 

“i get that. things with beth ended not long before i found out i was leaving arsenal. it wasn’t easy.”  

you reached across the table, squeezing her hand instinctively. 

“i’m sorry. breakups suck.”  

vivianne smiled faintly, her thumb brushing against your fingers. 

“they do. but sometimes they make room for better things.”  

your heart skipped at the subtle implication in her words, and you pulled your hand back, suddenly flustered.  

things progressed slowly after that lunch, though not without hesitation on your part. vivianne’s flirtations became more apparent—small compliments during training, lingering smiles, a touch on your lower back that lasted a second too long. 

part of you enjoyed the attention, but another part was terrified. you’d promised yourself never to date another footballer, and yet here you were, drawn to vivianne like a moth to a flame.  

it reached a tipping point one evening when you found yourself overthinking everything. sitting on your couch, surrounded by the flowers vivianne had sent over the past few weeks—bright arrangements that made your apartment feel warmer—you decided to seek advice.  

jill and kerstin, vivianne’s dutch teammates and your friends, were the first people that came to mind. you texted them to meet for coffee the next morning, and they agreed without hesitation.  

“so,” jill said, leaning forward with a mischievous grin as you sat down. 

“what’s this about?”  

kerstin smirked, already sensing where the conversation was headed.  

you fidgeted with your cup, struggling to find the words. 

“it’s about viv.”  

jill’s eyes lit up. 

“i knew it! go on.”  

“i don’t know if i should… go through with it,” you admitted, staring at the steam rising from your coffee. 

“she’s amazing, but she’s a footballer. after what happened with elisa, i don’t want to make the same mistake.”  

kerstin leaned back, her expression thoughtful. 

“vivianne isn’t elisa. besides, you’re on the same football team as viv so there is no distance. she’s one of the most thoughtful people i’ve ever met.”  

jill nodded enthusiastically. 

“seriously, she worships the ground you walk on. she talks about you all the time when you’re not around.”  

you blinked, surprised. 

“she does? the same way you talk about jana?”  

“oh, shut up! but yeah.. constantly,” jill said, laughing before grinning softly. 

“and don’t even get me started on the flowers.”  

“wait, you know about that?” you flared your eyebrows. 

“yeah, viv told the whole team about it!”

kerstin smiled knowingly. 

“she’s smitten, y/n. if you’re even considering it, i think you should give her a chance.”  

their words stuck with you as you headed home. maybe they were right. maybe vivianne was different.  

that same evening, vivianne invited you to dinner, something casual at a small bistro she liked. you dressed simply but thoughtfully, your nerves buzzing as you arrived. vivianne was already there, standing near the entrance with her hands in her pockets.  

“hey,” she greeted, her smile lighting up the dimly lit street.  

“hey,” you replied, feeling the familiar warmth in her presence.  

dinner was perfect—easy conversation, laughter, and a growing sense of closeness that made your chest ache in the best way. as the evening wound down, vivianne leaned forward, her expression more serious than before.  

“can i ask you something?” she began, her voice soft.  

you nodded, your heart pounding. the question was inevitable at this stage. 

“would you… want to be my girlfriend?” she asked, her gaze steady but nervous.  

you froze for a moment, the question hanging in the air. then, as a smile spread across your face, you leaned in, closing the distance between you.  

your lips met hers softly, the kiss tentative at first but quickly deepening as you felt her hand cup your cheek. when you pulled back, your cheeks were flushed, but you couldn’t stop smiling.  

“yes,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.  

vivianne’s grin was brighter than you’d ever seen, and she leaned in to kiss you again. something that felt undeniably right for someone who thought this would never happen again.  

masterlist

[woso-dreamzzz]

Proud VIII

Hardersson x Teen!Reader

Alexia Putellas x Teen!Reader

Summary: A friendly against Barcelona

Alexia isn't used to being dispossessed.

It happens, of course.

It's impossible for a footballer to get through their career without being dispossessed at least once.

But, still, people always think twice when coming up against her.

But there's a flash of a jersey at her side and the ball is stolen from her, instantly taken and turned back around to her goal.

Alexia turns as well, watching as you easily dodge between Mapi and Ingrid, go one on one with Cata and slot the ball home.

This friendly between Bayern Munich was rushed through right before the start of the season, probably something about it making good money.

But, still, both teams are fit and ready and Barcelona are already three goals up to none.

Three goals up to one now, Alexia supposes

The name Harder ripples on your jersey as the other Harder, Pernille, pulls you into a hug.

You're Frido's niece, the one that used to play for Arsenal but moved to Bayern to be close to your mothers again.

Alexia has never played with you before. She racks her mind to think about whether you played at the World Cup but she's pretty sure that you didn't as Eriksson runs past to celebrate with you as well.

She knows you're definitely part of the Sweden team now, a super sub rather than a member of the starting eleven.

You're good.

Very good.

And brave enough to steal the ball from her, pick apart the defence and go one on one with the goalkeeper.

Your drop into the midfield was flawless.

A goal made by you for you.

Eriksson has her hands on your cheeks as she talks to you, a proud smile on her face as she talks.

You're grinning back at her as the rest of the team slap you on the back in congratulations.

Harder, the older one, is also still by your side, ruffling your hair as you try to squirm away from her.

Alexia finds herself acutely aware of you for the rest of the match, the way you invade the midfield when you're needed, the way that you weave through the lines, the way that you seem to create chances even if they don't really come to anything.

It's a few minutes into injury time of the first half and Bayern have won a corner.

Alexia tries to slot her way between you and Eriksson but Eriksson refuses to shift from her place at your back and Alexia frowns.

She tries to force her way through but Eriksson stays firm, gripping your shirt tightly.

Eriksson glares at Alexia, daring her to try and get between you again.

Alexia acquiesces.

It's only a friendly anyway.

The ball comes in and Alexia realises that she should have pressed more, should have forced her way between you.

With no Barcelona player marking you, you've got ample space to get yourself into the air.

You're easily one of the smaller players on the pitch, not small-small but you're still young. You've still got a lot of growing to do. Surely those tall Scandinavian genes Alexia sees in Frido and Ingrid and Caro will kick in soon.

You're not small-small but you're still smaller than most anyone else so it's impressive the amount of height you get, easily a head higher than everyone else and it's clear the ball was aimed at you.

You jerk your head to the left, angling the ball neatly into the net and Eriksson's got you by the waist before you've even landed again.

"Morsa!" You laugh," Let me down!"

Eriksson's laughing too as she easily keeps your bodyweight up into the air.

"Magda!" Harder's laughing too and Alexia can do nothing but stare. "Let her down."

Eriksson keeps you in the air for a few more seconds, shaking your body before letting you drop.

You land neatly on your feet as the rest of the team come over to congratulate you.

"Yeah," Frido says in the locker room at halftime," Magda and Pernille are so proud of her. Last season was a good one at Arsenal for her. They're happy to have her back with them. You know, this is the first time they're all playing together?"

Alexia purses her lips. "She's good."

Frido grins. "I know, right? She's great."

Alexia would prefer if you were much less good even if this is only a friendly. She doesn't like knowing that such a great young player isn't safely in the folds of La Masia and the Barcelona system.

Call her selfish but she thinks some of the greatest players in the world come from La Masia and their Barcelona education. There's a reason La Masia students grow up to dominate the Spanish team. A reason that the international girls easily worm their way into their own national squads.

A reason why Barcelona is such a dominant force.

But here you are, fresh out of Sweden, fresh from Arsenal with impeccable technique and football IQ. You see passes before they even happen. You intercept interceptions before they even happen.

You press and drop back like a dance and Alexia almost swears as Eriksson plays out from the back.

She goes to pass to Stanway and Alexia moves to intercept but you're already dashing across her body, intercepting what should have been an easy move for Alexia to make.

You dance away from her tackle, faster than her and run up the pitch.

Irene was subbed on at half time but she barely gets close to you as you turn around her body.

It looks like, for a moment, that you'll take the shot yourself, leg already winding up.

Cata comes out from goal to block you off.

But you square it directly to Harder, who slots it into the waiting gap.

The match ends up three-three and Alexia can accept that. At least they didn't lose.

You've played amazingly well and Alexia can't help but keep watching you from a distance.

Eriksson and Harder are both crowded around you, smiling and joking around with you, beaming smiles on their faces.

"She doesn't really look like either of them," Alexia notes.

"She's adopted," Frido says by her side, grinning as well," Magda and Pernille adore her though. They love her so much."

"I can tell. She's smart."

"Definitely. She got full marks in her Economics exam last year and-"

"I meant on the pitch, Frido," Alexia says," When does her contract with Bayern run out?"

Frido laughs, already moving away to join you and your mothers.

"You can't just steal every young player for Barcelona!"

Alexia purses her lips.

She can certainly try.

[avalentina]

So I have a new obsession and it's not really new its more like renewed. It's the beautiful game and a Sexy as fuck man by the name of Christian Pulisic. Y'all might see some fics for him pop up on here as well.

(I may or may not have 3 in progress right now👀)

And I'm just going to say that Keeper!Y/N and Christian would totally have wedding ring tattoos (in addition to the real ones) it's not like you can wear the metal ones on the pitch anyways. I can just see the reader bringing it up after talking to some of the other players. And Chris would love it because then you're always right there with him on the pitch. I can totally see him kissing it after every goal he scores.

Just a little thing that made me happy to think about! LMK if y'all want to see Chris make his way onto here!

-Ava

[jsprnt]

celebrating the win against austria with your boyfriend

kenan yıldız x reader

A/N: my first kenan fic!! based on this request! thank you for requesting 🤍

W/C: 1.604

just a couple minutes.

that was all that was left for turkey to win their match, and to be a part of the last eight teams competing for the euros this year.

your heart had already leaped when austria had scored one goal in the sixty-sixth minute of the game, and just like everyone rooting for the same team as you, you hoped it would stay 2-1 for turkey.

you had obviously come to support your loving boyfriend, his first euro tournament in his career. he had already played a good eighty minutes, before his coach had decided to take him off.

sometimes he'd glance at you when the game was paused during a certain foul or injury. wanting to make sure you were still there, screaming and clapping in support for him. of course, the glances were pretty short, he had to focus on the game, and you knew that as well.

kenan would give you all the attention after the game, whether he won or lost.

making eye contact with him was your absolute favorite part. it was no secret that your boyfriend was a looker. every time he'd show up on the big screen, you had to hold yourself back from fawning a little too much, though the eye candy was always welcome.

especially in his white kit, it made him look like an angel as he was running around the pitch. the sweat from being incredibly active, darkening his brown hair.

you'd chuckle and smile at the occasional wink he would send you. it leaving you flustered and hot, although it had been drizzling for the past few seconds, it helping you cool down a little.

you fold your arms up, against your chest. wiping the rain that had been dripping down onto your naked arms, your turkey kit not helping you since it’s a t-shirt. you tap your shoe impatiently against the ground, well- the bleachers.

the game pauses for a second during an injury, watching the medics arrive. you look up suddenly when you're nudged by kenan's mother, who's sat next to you, a confused expression on her face.

"look up.." she says, pointing over and up to one of the huge screens in the leipzig stadium. you furrow your brows, not recognizing your own face for a moment.

realizing it's in fact you, on the screen, you smile, trying not to look awkward. your mother-in-law laughs, nudging for you to stop being so tense.

you chuckle, your lips pulling into relaxed smile, you wave your little türkiye flag, sending a quick flying kiss to the camera.

your face heats up at the sudden attention of the thousands of people in the stadium, and you're relieved when the camera pans back to the pitch, the game resuming.

you shake the situation off quickly, hoping you looked good at least.

your breath hitches when you hear the extra time being announced, and get ready for another torturous four minutes.

your mind switches to how anxious kenan himself might feel, at this point, he couldn't do anything about it. he could only trust his teammates to continue defending and possibly score another goal.

you turn to kenan's mother, an anxious expression on her face. you immediately grab onto her hand, smiling at her before squeezing her hand in reassurance. she turns to you, sending you a warm smile back.

you don't have to speak to know what emotions are running through your bodies, it's visible from the look in your eyes.

since you and kenan had been dating for more than a year, you had gotten very close to his parents. especially his mother, having her share the same feelings as you was both reassuring and very important to you.

the entire turkish supporting side of the stadium erupts in gasps and shouts as the ball is headed by a member of the opposition.

everyone's jaw slaws open in shock and happiness when goalkeeper gunök successfully swats the ball away, to prevent a last-minute disaster for turkey.

you and kenan's family start jumping in happiness, along with the thousands of fans. the noise is incredibly loud, and it seems to reach a higher frequency when the full-time whistle is blow.

you watch multiple of kenan's teammates drop to the grass in exhaustion and relief, some running to the goalie and some jumping up and down in happiness.

your heart beats faster when you look for kenan, smiling lovingly when you make eye contact with him. he waves to you, and his family.

the smile on his face makes you swoon, and you have to hold yourself back to not run up to the pitch and plant a fat kiss on his cheek.

the celebration lasts a couple minutes, and you all chant along as the players and staff make a circle in the middle of the pitch.

you immediately perk up when you're allowed to go down to the pitch. waiting for kenan's family to greet him first, as you fiddle with your white handbag. a gift from kenan on your last birthday..

"liebing.." kenan immediately coos in his first language, opening his arms wide for you to nestle in between them.

you wrap your arms around him, pressing your face against his chest. he brings you into his chest, wrapping his strong arms around your waist.

"did you enjoy the game?" he asks, leaning down. his bigger hands cup your jaw, and he presses a tender kiss onto your forehead.

you close your eyes, soaking up the loving touch, feeling rain drizzle on you. the sky darkening as darker clouds become visible in the sky.

"i did enjoy the game. I'm proud of you, baby.." your mutter, looking up into his brown eyes.

he grins down at you, thumb wiping at your face. cheeks wet from the rain.

"oh! you're ruining my makeup!.." you complain, though you don't move or try to swat his hand away.

"it's pretty like this. just like on the big screen. that kiss was for me, right, liebe?" he quirks up his slit brow, peering down at you with a cocky expression.

"you saw that?"

"of course, I almost forgot where I was.."

you chuckle at his words, rolling your eyes in a teasing manner, before humming against his chest.

"aren't you cold?" he suddenly says, eyes darting to his parents. noticing that his father had already given his jacket to his mother. the both of them chatting with his teammate arda's parents.

you don't even get to open your mouth to respond, before he drapes his white training jacket over your shivering shoulders, forcing you to pull your arms through the warm jacket.

"thank you.." you smile, making him lean down for you to kiss his cheek.

the smile on your face grows bigger at his own grin, his pearly whites showing.

"now you're getting all wet, though.." you observe, reaching up to fix his wet hair. the once fluffy brown locks, now soaked and flat, stuck to his forehead.

you don't even notice the cameraman right next to you, totally immersed in fixing kenan's recently washed hair, and definitely not realizing that a huge camera is pointed towards you two.

"you need a warm shower, and maybe some tea. are you allowed to go out tonight? or do you still have a curfew?.."

you frown as your questions don't get answered, and make a confused noise when you feel his hand pressing against your back. pressing you flush against his chest.

"what're you doing, baby?" you question, following his eyes, only to land on the biggest camera lens you've ever seen in your life.

"oh.." you mumble in realization, instantly flickering your eyes away, and watching the protective look in your boyfriend's eyes.

even though you had been filmed before, when you'd attend kenan's juventus games, it never got any easier.

dating an athlete just came with unwanted attention and filming, though you tried not to let it show.

your chuckle to yourself out of embarrassment, burying your face into his chest.

"am I supposed to be looking at the camera?" you ask, words muffled, feeling his hands on your back. his fingertips dancing onto the wet fabric of the jacket.

"no, you don't have to if you're not comfortable. it's starting to pour out here. let's go inside.." he murmurs into your ear, before grabbing on your hand.

"are we running? what if we slip on the grass?" you ask, squinting and trying to cover your eyes from the rain with your arm.

"come on, i'll catch you if you fall.."

you manage to sneak a glimpse of the teasing smile on his face, before he starts dashing towards the inside of the stadium. a chocked laugh leaves your mouth, squealing at how fast he's running.

but, you're a little too happy you're inside, when you see how fast the rain switched from drizzling to pouring out of the sky.

"I'm not a footballer like you, remember?" you pant, placing your hands on your knees and bending over. trying to catch your breath, probably looking crazy to the family and friends of kenan's teammates.

you don't notice when he steps away for just a second, coming back with a towel to dry you off.

you feel his hand on your shoulder, then a soft towel on your head. you stand straight, grabbing the white towel off your face.

"thank you.." you mumble, patting your face dry, then reach up to dry his face with the other side of the towel.

unbeknownst to you two, you're still being filmed.

no doubt these clips will be posted on the internet tomorrow, and you'd try to figure out how to navigate this new-found publicity, with kenan by your side, of course.

[misettemisette]

Starting over in Madrid

Hey, I'm back after having my account terminated. I'm starting to repost my fanfic Starting over in Madrid episode by episode. I've done minor corrections, mostly vocabulary, scenario temporality and pictures that weren't working well.

Feel free to read or reread it and gave me your feedback. We can't say it enough but we, writers, love feedback <3

Chapter 1 ➺  A harder job than I thought

Summary : After moving to Madrid as Real Madrid's new photographer, Nicky can’t seem to take her eyes off the pretty face Misa Rodríguez. But how will she handle her growing desire for the Canarian goalkeeper when her contract strictly forbids dating players? WC: 1K words TW : None PS : French autor

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧ 

I had never been particularly interested in football until I was employed by Real Madrid. Of course, I occasionally watched a few games on TV during the major championships. Still, I had never planned to work for a football club — let alone one in Spain. Yet here I was, in my late twenties, knowing only a few words of Spanish, stepping into the Ciudad Real Madrid for my first day as the new official photographer.

The introductions went smoothly and the staff was friendly. The work seemed interesting, with plenty to do on the creative side. I felt optimistic. My office was on the second floor, on the west side of the building, a bit apart from the training grounds. I took a few minutes to settle into my chair, gazing out the window at the Alfredo di Stéfano stadium, where I could see the tiny silhouettes of the footballers training. My manager, Ana, came by to introduce me to the team, and I quickly grabbed my camera to follow her to the pitch. 

The winter sun, cold yet bright, momentary blinded me as I stepped outside. My eyes took a moment to adjust as the shouts of trainers and players echoed all around me. There were far more people than I had expected, and I felt intimidated, but Ana didn’t give me any time to relax. She spoke to a few staff member to pause the training, and the players slowly came toward us. They gathered around us, some still panting, as Ana spoke again. 

"Hello everyone, let me introduce you to our new photographer Y/N. But you can call her Nicky as she likes it better." 

"Hi, I’ve never liked my name", I said nervously. 

The players stared at me, some smiling warmly. I couldn’t help but notice their muscular arms and thighs, the sheer strength radiating from their bodies. There were some strikingly pretty faces among them as well. Ana introduced each player to me. The last one, a deeply tanned girl, stood slightly apart, looking a bit bored.

"And finally, this is Misa", she said pointing toward her. Misa glanced at me, her dark eyes meeting mine for just a moment. She quickly waved in a polite, welcoming gesture before looking away again. Her charismatic attitude, paired with her pretty face, made my face grow hot. I reminded myself that I was a professional photographer. Moreover, my employment contract explicitly prohibited dating team members, so I quickly shook off my inappropriate thoughts as the introductions came to an end.

A few days passed as I settled into my new life. I had found a tiny apartment in Lavapiés, furnished it with everything I needed, and was quite happy to start over. I had recently ended a toxic relationship with my ex-girlfriend and left a boring previous job behind. Each day, I went to the pitch to film the team arriving and take pictures of the footballers training, which I shared on social media. They were mostly friendly, though some seemed bothered by being photographed all the time. Linda, Naomi, Sofie, and Hayley clearly enjoyed being in front of the camera, while Ivana, Olga, and Misa tended to avoid it as much as possible. We spoke very little, each person focused on their own work.

***

Then came the day of the big photoshoot for the brand-new kits. It was a very busy day. Adidas had designed a set with a moss background and real plants surrounding the area. It was a bit overwhelming for my taste, but I didn’t have a say as the campaign was managed by the brand. I was assisting the Adidas photographer by giving pose instructions to the girls and taking some shots myself.

We had been shooting for nearly five hours when it was Misa’s turn. I couldn’t help but notice how striking she looked in her new pale purple kit. Her tanned skin contrasted sharply with the fabric. She had a piercing on her left nostril that I hadn’t seen before. Her long hair was let down, falling on her broad shoulders. She took her place, clearly comfortable and used to being a model.

"Misa, face the camera", I said. Her dark eyes crossed mine briefly before she looked straight at the camera and composed a smile. I could tell she was feeling confident, but I wasn’t entirely sure she was truly enjoying it. "Now, switch to profile, please". "Strike a pose". "Put your gloves on". Misa obediently followed my instructions, moving smoothly from one pose to the next. 

"Are we done yet?" she asked, looking at me patiently. 

"I think we are. Thank you. Thanks God you’re the last one !" 

"I already find it tiring, so I can’t imagine how it must be for you." She said, her brows frowning. She stepped aside from the set as I started putting away the equipment next to her. 

"It’s okay, I like my job. Today is just a bit repetitive"

"Are we cool models ?" I looked up at her. Her face had relaxed since the photoshoot ended. A shy smile appeared on her lips as she suddenly seemed to think her question was embarrassing. 

"In fact yes, indeed. As a photographer, there is so much to adjust. When you’re training, you’re moving fast, so I have to increase the shutter speed. When you’re posing like today, the shutter can be slower but you need good exposure…" My voice trailed off when I noticed her perplex expression. "Sorry I’ve never known how to explain my job. You see, technical aspects play a huge part in photography." 

"Don’t worry, I haven’t a clue what you’re taking about, but it actually got me interested." She was smiling frankly now and that made her even more beautiful. I tried to focus on folding the spotlights back into their bags. "These lights make you very warm and sweaty" she said. "I’ll go change. See you, Nicky." 

“Bye Misa.”

I was feeling both disappointed by her departure and relieved to finally finish tidying things up in peace when I heard Misa’s embarrassed voice rise from the backroom. 

"Hum… can someone help me?"

I dropped the camera I was packing and headed over, thinking this day would never end. I suppressed a laugh when I saw Misa struggling with her jersey, which was stuck halfway over her head. The collar was bunched up somewhere around her nose. I forced myself to look away from her toned abs and the glimpse of her low-cut sports bra.

"Misa, it’s Nicky, what’s going on?" 

"The jersey… it’s caught in my nose ring. I can’t get it off !"

"Hold still. I’do it."

I stepped closer to her and gently took hold of the jersey collar, searching for where her piercing had snagged. A stray thread had somehow gotten tangled in the small golden ring. I tried my best to focus. Her mouth twitched nervously, and I was so close I could feel her breath as I worked. She pursed her soft lips, and I finally managed to free the string. She let out a relieved sigh as the jersey slipped off, our eyes meeting again as I stepped back. 

"Thanks, I thought I’d lose my nose over this one…" 

"You did well to ask for help, you could’ve hurt yourself." 

"I’m glad it was you and not some random Adidas guy. All my friends are gone by now." 

"Anytime!" I shrugged, feeling a little flustered red again. 

She gathered her clothes and began taking off her shorts. Footballers really weren’t shy. I quickly turned around, ready to leave, knowing I couldn’t handle another glance at Misa’s body parts.

"Bye then" I said softy.

"Bye, and Nicky? I paused and turned back to her. She had already changed into her trousers and T-shirt. “You definitely have to teach me some photo stuff! I’m serious.”

"Sure… after tomorrow’s training, if you’d like." 

"Yeah, count on me."

She gathered her things, waved goodbye, and left. 

My job was turning out to be a lot harder than I’d expected.

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧ 

[byuntrash101]

cheerleader

f!reader x yunho x mingi x san x seonghwa smut | mdni 1.6k the boys always like to celebrate victory with their biggest cheerleader after a game nsfw tags under the cut

#18: blowgang + bukkake (twt p☆rnlink) soccer players!ateez, blowbang (m rec.), facials and a lot of cum (bukkake), dom!ateez, sub!reader, gentle!yunho, mean!seonghwa, praising, degrading (whore, slut)

a/n: okkk so this is the first request for my 3k celebration! i hope you enjoy it! look forward to the other ones <3

3k celebration | ateez masterlist | navigation

You almost squeezed the hotdog out of the bun as Yunho scored the last winning goal. The crowd rose in unisson for the college team. The euphoria took over you when the tall team captain sent you a flying kiss for the goal celebration. 

Him and the whole team knew they owed you a lot. Rare were the fans that were as devoted and cheered as loud as you. And you planned to show this devotion once again after the game. Like you always do: on your knees.

***

The floor of the locker room scraped your bare knees but you couldn't care less about the pain when nearly half the team was standing in front of you, fresh out of the shower, hair still wet, droplets of water trickling down their chests and torsos to reach the white towels tightly wrapped around their waists.

“You saw, baby?” Yunho said, wrapping his big warm hand around your neck to pull you closer. “I scored just for you.” He pressed his clothed half hard cock to your cheek and you bit your lip to repress a moan. 

“Shut up, you scored one goal. I caught like five attempts.” Mingi, the goalkeeper, scoffed side eyeing his tall captain that didn't pay him any attention as he was guiding your hand over the outline of his cock. Mingi also approached you, ripping the towel off him. 

“Here, love” Mingi said gently, wrapping his hand around your jaw to turn your head away from Yunho and to his direction. “Suck on my cock. I saved the game”

You started to lick your lips hurriedly as your mouth started to water at the sight of Mingi’s juicy length.

“Excuse me, what about us?” San interjected also coming into view with his rock hard cock in hand. Instantly your eyes traveled from the thick and veiny appendix to the sculpted V on his abdomen then to his pecs and board shoulders, his skin was still wet and glistening. “Seonghwa and I defended like our lives depended on it! I think I did a good job. I should get my dick sucked.” San said poking his cock into you other cheek.

“Come on, guys” Seonghwa finally said, also stepping to you. “There’ll be enough of our favorite cheerleader for all of us. Right, darling? You’ll be a good girl and suck all of our cocks?” The oldest said with a half smirk, his tongue swiping over his bottom lip. You felt arousal pool between you thighs at the mere mention of having all these cocks into your mouth and nodded immediately. 

“Yes. I’ll suck all of your cocks for as long as you want” you replied looking at the four men circling you.

“Good little slut.” Seonghwa said, stroking your cheek and guiding you on his length. You immediately opened your mouth to take him past your lips. The smooth tip glided on your tongue while you moaned and Seonghwa sighed in pleasure.

“Sorry boys, eldest privilege” Seonghwas said in a breath as the others were grunting in disapproval.

“Here babygirl use your hands” Yunho said as he wrapped your fingers around his huge and dripping cock. 

“Me too baby” Mingi said, taking your other hand. And you started to jerk off the two men while you bobbed your head on Seonghwa length’s coating it with your spit as all kinds of beautiful sounds erupted from them.

“Fuck what about me?” San complained as he stroked his cock while looking at you being at your maximum capacity. 

As soon as you heard him whine you popped Seonghwa out of your mouth to shove San’s cock into your mouth. His tip hit the back of your throat instantly making him groan and moan.

“Fuck baby, that feels… so g-good” San said throwing his head back, putting both hands on his nape.

“Fuck baby grip harder” Yunho said tightly wrapping his big hands around yours. Thrusting his fat cock into your ballad fist. “Yeaah like that” he sighed in bliss.

Seonghwa gathered your hair in one of his hands and pushed your face on San’s length while his other hand jerked himself off, his spit-coated cock making wet squelching noises in the process. 

“Yeah that's it, baby. Suck his dick just like that. Show me what that pretty mouth can do” Seonghwa encouraged.

“Fuckk” San whimpered when your nose touched his pubic bone with the eldest's help and you repressed a gag before popping him out with a cough amd gasping for air.

Only seconds later Seonghwa was stuffing your mouth and throat with his cock again. You didn’t even have a second to breathe you were already being gagged on his length as he relentlessly fucked your throat. 

Mingi whimpered and Yunho grunted as you balled your fists tighter in response. Both the men thrusting into your hands while tears bloomed into your eyes. Seonghwa looked down at you with a satisfied grin when two big tears rolled on your heated cheeks before he released you.

You coughed up again and let go of Mingi and Yunho.

“Come on baby, you’re not already tired are you?” Yunho said, lifting your face to look up at him. You shook your head unable to respond verbally due to the burning in your throat and earned another praise from the tall man.

You opened your mouth once again, wrapping your hand around Mingi’s length with one hand and around San’s with the other one. You started to slurp on Yunho's cock, bobbing your head a couple of times before popping him out and going to Mingi. The man threw his head back. You did the same thing before taking San back into your mouth. Then you were back to taking Seonghwa. You alternated like this for a while until San pulled on your hair to get your avid wet mouth off his cock. He shut his eyes tight and breathed in heavily, large beads of sweat rolling on his temple and hanging on his sharp jaw line.

“Fuck that was close, almost busted” San said in a short breath.

“Baby you’re so good with that pretty little mouth of yours you almost made San cum” Yunho cooed. 

“Do that on me baby” Mingi requested and you immediately gave him your undivided attention. You wrapped both your hands around his base while you slipped his tip inside your mouth, licking the slit, your eyes fluttering close at the taste of his precum filling your mouth. Everytime you bobbed your head your hands followed your mouth, perfectly gliding on his length thanks to your spit. 

“Oh fuckfuckfuck b-baby” Mingi hurriedly said. also pulling on your hair. 

“Yeah she’s good” San said with a smirk while you let Mingi out and aimed his tip onto your face, making him spill his load right onto your cheeks and lips, your hands still jerking his twitching cock until you eventually milked him dry.

“Fuck baby” Mingi said shuddering and short of breathe, “that was amazing.”

“My turn” Yunho said, breaching your swollen lips. “God f-fuck” he groaned as he felt your throat tightening around him. He was also quite close after this much teasing. Your hand wrapped around San’s cock and you started jerking him off again.

“Fuck you look so pretty my cock shoved down your cock and covered in cum” Yunho groaned, his raspy voice getting strained.

“Just for you” you briefly said before taking him back into your mouth and bobbing your head even faster.

“Fuckkk… g-gonna cum. ” Yunho said. And you popped him out and immediately taking Hwa’s cock inside your wet hole, continuously jerking off San.

“Look at me baby while you suck on Seonghwa’s cock. Look at me while I cum for you.” Yunho’s raspy voice whispered as he was lifting your chin to him and he jerked himself off. As Seonghwa fucked your throat you turned her head slightly to receive Yunho's warm load on your face you moaned around Seonghwa as you felt the hot cum come in contact with your heated skin.

“Fuck I can't hold on anymore. Baby my turn” San said as you didn’t stop pulling and pushing on his cock with your balled fist. You aimed his cock to your face where he came immediately after Yunho the three big loads mixing and decorating your pretty face, becoming indistinguishable.

“Fuck what a fucking whore you are baby” Seonghwa said also getting out your mouth to stroke his cock over your face “open your mouth, slut.” You immediately executed the command. 

“She’s so hungry for cum that’s crazy” San noted with a smirk that you could hear.

“Insatiable,” Yunho added.

“Want one more?” Seonghwa asked and you didn't even have the time to agree before beautiful thick ropes of cum spurted out of his slit to soak your face with yet another warm load. “Fuckkk” Seonghwa moaned while you hurriedly sucked on your lips and scraped the cum on your cheeks to your mouth, avidly sucking on your fingers, your brain officially switching off to focus solely on the taste of the four men in your mouth.

“Hmmm so good.” you moaned against your fingers. “More.” And Seonghwa chuckled.

“Let's call back the rest of the team to take care of you, baby” Seonghwa said pushing your hair out of your beautiful fucked out face.

“Four of us isn’t enough, right darling?” Yunho asked but you were way too far gone to answer anything.

“On it” Mingi said as he picked up his phone from his locker “Yeah, Joong, can you come back to the lockers? Yeah… y/n is here. Yeah we already started but we need back up.”

a/n: what. a. start!!!!! I'm super excited for this event! I hope you had as much fun reading as me writing. look forward to the other fics <3

3k celebration | ateez masterlist | navigation

[astonmartinii]

you and me got a whole lotta history | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x historian!reader

y/n is a historian and it’s not her fault her bf’s job takes him all around the world…

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 102,561 others

location: melbourne 📍

yourusername: so it’s the australian grand prix and i’ve spent the start of the week exploring this old city. one of my stops was the historic old melbourne gaol. this now museum was once a prison that housed some of the most feared criminals in australian history. constructed in 1839, the old melbourne gaol saw 133 hanged for their crimes between 1845 and 1924. it was briefly used during world war two but ceased operation as a prison in 1924 and was renovated to be part of the RMIT university and the museum it is today. a definite must if you’re visiting melbourne !!

view all comments

user1: my fave part of the race week is y/n’s museum recommendations tbf

user2: i can vision charles being dragged around this place hating his life

charles_leclerc: the things we do for love

yourusername: you said you enjoyed it :(

charles_leclerc: I DID

user2: oops

yourusername: i’ll leave you at the hotel next time

charles_leclerc: it was scary but i enjoyed it because i was with you

yourusername: okay that’s better

danielricciardo: so my farm isn’t good enough for you

yourusername: noooooo danny i thought we were going after the race?

danielricciardo: oof my bad

user3: petition for there to be a teds notebook but it’s y/n giving us a historical guide to the city the race is in

f1: we’re listening @skysportsf1

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, scuderica ferrari and 788,341 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: tough race in melbourne but a beautiful city regardless

view all comments

user4: HE served, we don’t talk about the race

yourusername: i don’t mean to say i told you so but i did say our day trip would be the best part

user5: girl you’re gonna get banned from the ferrari garage

yourusername: they deserve far worse than what i’m saying let’s be real

user5: true

user6: i love how charles didn’t reply ferrari has his ass ON LOCK

carlossainz55: we'll come back stronger

danielricciardo: we can all commiserate at my farm bro

charles_leclerc: your farm better be as good as you're saying now

danielricciardo: nervously awaiting the y/n review

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 104,561 others

location: miami 📍

yourusername: though miami may be known for it's partying (it's all about the U), charles and i took our monday to take a stroll around st bernard de clairvaux church, one of miami's hidden gems. the church was originally built in spain all the way back in 1141 to the style of cistercian romanesque architecture for alfonso vii. the monastry's cloister was illegally purchased by american william randolph hearst in 1926 and in order for the church to be transported it was dismantled to 11,000 pieces and sent to the us where it was rebuilt and still stands to this day.

view all comments

user7: i'm never gonna be able to afford to go to miami so why did i read this whole thing like i'll visit some day?

yourusername: history is important and interesting, always good to read even if you never visit !!

user8: she's like the older sister i never had

user9: did charles enjoy this one more?

yourusername: "at least i'll get a tan here"

charles_leclerc: i feel like anyone who reads about me in your comments will think i'm an asshole, i have fun every time i just don't understand most of it

yourusername: i know you have fun baby (and i love you for driving us to all of these places)

user10: have you considered our super historic frat house this saturday night?

user11: imagine thinking you have a chance when her literal boyf is CHARLES LECLERC

user10: every goal has a goalkeeper doesn't mean you can't score

charles_leclerc: i will run you over

user12: omg ferrari's pr is quaking

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lancestroll and 112,677 others

yourusername: it is my biggest honour to announce my position as a history lecturer here at oxford!! i always dreamed of studying here and to get to pass on my knowledge to those looking to follow in my footsteps is a huge pleasure and responsibility.

p.s. no worries, it is not full time so race week explorations will continue.

view all comments

user13: so it was true :(((((( wait i just read the whole post my bad

user14: so i guess i now need to turn my Cs into As if i wanna attend a y/n lecture

charles_leclerc: unbelievably proud of you my love - don't miss me too much

yourusername: you sure i can't persuade you to move to england with me :(

charles_leclerc: i'll be there as much as i can be but monaco is still our home

yourusername: always

landonorris: proud of you smarty pants

yourusername: thank you landito

landonorris: so you'll now root for the brits?

charles_leclerc: over my dead body

yourusername: what charlie said

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, yourusername and 1,209,778 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: super happy for another win for the season but we keep pushing for the real prize at the end of the season - thank you for your continued support tifosi and my love y/n who stayed up all the way in oxford ❤️

view all comments

user20: i don't wanna jinx it but like the season is going well

user21: too well....

yourusername: winning looks good on you

charles_leclerc: you look better on me

pierregasly: oh god you've been apart for a triple header and now you're being horny on main

yourusername: says mr. doggy emoji

pierregasly: touche

user22: so charles can mathematically win in either austin or brazil FUCK THEM KIDS I NEED Y/N AT THESE RACES

user23: if she's not there for charles wdc i am personally going to have a sleepover on the train tracks

yourusername added to their story

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 503,786 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: the autodromo jose carlos pace is the crown jewel of the interlagos neighbourhood. the circuit opened 83 years ago and has hosted the f1 since 1972. the circuit was originally meant to be a housing area but due to the 1929 stock market crash the owners decided to construct a racing track instead. interlagos is often a season decider with fernando alonso winning both his 2005 and 2006 titles here, kimi raikkonen winning the 2007 championship here, lewis hamilton won the 2008 championship here, jenson button clinched the 2009 title here and CHARLES LECLERC WON HIS FIRST TITLE HERE IN INTERLAGOS FOR THE 2023 SEASON

on a real note i am so proud of you charles, i have seen the sacrifices you have made and the unbelievable amount of effort you pour into every facet of your racing NO ONE deserves this more than you. i am so grateful to have shared this moment with you, here's to many more xxx

view all comments

user26: i am unwell this is so fucking cute

user27: bro this is so fucking crazy

charles_leclerc: couldn't have done it without you, so glad you could be there for me xx

yourusername: always charlie xx

yourstudent: miss y/n you can cancel all of our lectures if charles wins the championship again FORZA FERRARI

charles_leclerc: the people have spoken

user28: insane butterfly effect of the wall street crash to charles leclerc 2023 wdc

user29: they make me believe in love

note: this was super random but popped into my head while at work and i knew i had to write it !! hope you enjoyed xx

[pitchsidestories]

She's a keeper II Mary Earps x Reader

romantic masterlist | platonic masterlist | word count: 1322

summary: you slip into your girlfriend's gloves in training, unaware that during an England game, fun becomes serious.

author's note: hi everyone, we hope you enjoy the little story we came up with. 🫶🏻🫶🏻

It was still winter, but there was a hint of spring in the air as the England team prepared for the next Nations League games. Everyone enjoyed the sun's rays on their skin and the warmer temperatures.

Done with your exercises for the day, you looked for something fun to do, watching your girlfriend being in goal you suddenly had an idea what you could do.

“Let me try it.”, you exclaimed thrilled.

Amused, Mary raised her eyebrows: “Seriously?”

“Yes, you heard me, love.”, you confirmed grinning.

The goalkeeper handed you, her gloves slowly: “Okay, don’t hurt yourself.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not as clumsy as Lessi.”, you assured your girlfriend.

She snorted unconvinced: “We’ll see.”

“What, are you doing in goal?”, Beth laughed, clearly entertained by the sight of you in your lover’s position.

“Seeing the game through Mary’s eyes.”, you explained.

With a slight smile on her lips Lucy braced her hands on her hips before resolutely reaching for the ball: “Let’s see how good you’re.”

“Not too bad for the first try, darling.”, Mary cheered on you.

Panting, you clutched the ball tightly:” Not bad? Do you know how hard she shoots?”

“Only all too well.”, the goalkeeper chuckled.

Beth gently pushed your girlfriend aside so that she could shoot herself:” My turn!”

“I'm ready”, you announced with a nod, resting your hands on your thighs while you waited for the moment the ball flew through the air.

The Arsenal striker happily threw her arms up in the air.: “Goal!”

“That wasn’t fair. Let’s try again.”, you decided.

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled cheerfully: “Okay.”

It gave you a certain satisfaction that you were able to fend off the next goal attempt. “And that’s a save.”, you rejoiced.  

Beth whistled appreciatively: “Damn, she’s good.”

Delighted, Mary turned her head around to look into the England’s head coach eyes who had observed the whole scene quietly: “Sarina, you should consider my girl for a situation in which we need a field player in goal.”

“I hope that’s a problem that we’ll never have.”, Sarina sighed.

In a more serious tone, the Paris St. Germain player replied: “Same.”

“But it’s good to know.”, the Dutch woman remarked.

Watching you land awkwardly on the ground, Mary rushed to you with a worried look on her face:” Ouch, love, you’re good? I think that was enough goal keeping for the day.”

“No, I’m good.”, you waved it off as you got back on to your feet.

Relief spread through Mary’s heart:” Come here.”

She hugged you facilitated and gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead, not caring that you two were still surrounded by your teammates and not alone.

“I enjoyed being you for a bit.”, you beamed at her.

“And I liked the look of you with my gloves on.”, Mary winked at you, kissing you once more.

“Oi, get a room you two!”, Ella called from the other side of the field and grimaced in disgust.

You shrugged and pointed to your girlfriend: “She didn’t want to share with me! She’s rooming with Millie!”

The blond defender immediately joined the conversation, her eyebrows raised with a knowing look on her face: “Mary, do you read our room tonight?”

With her arm around your waist, Mary shook her head: “No, we’re professionals. We don’t have to be glues together all the time.”

“Exactly.”, you nodded. As much as you two enjoyed spending time alone as couple, you also liked to use the England camps as time to bond with your teammates.

Millie shrugged, seemingly disappointed in the two of you: “Fine then.”

You turned to your girlfriend, both of you stifling a laugh before you shared one last kiss and went back to training.

The scenes from that training session played in your head as you watched Mary go down in your next Nations League game. It was the 82nd minute and the referee had stopped the game so the physios could tend to Marys injury. She was sitting on the ground, holding her arm. A million thoughts rushed through your head while you walked towards her.

“I don’t think I can continue… But we ran out of subs.”, you heard her say to the physios, her voice straining with pain. You knew she would push through if she was asked too.

More and more of your teammates crowded around her, discussing what to do next.

You shook your head and silently cursed Mary for accidentally predicting this situation in that training session.

“I’ll do it.”, you suddenly blurted out without wasting another thought on it.

You could feel all of your teammates eyes on you.

“You’re sure? Maybe I can try to keep going?”, Mary suggested but the sweat pearls on her forehead and her clenched jaw already told you in how much pain she actually was.

You nodded determinedly and held your hands out for her gloves: “It’s only ten minutes left. And I learned from the best.”

Reluctantly and with a bit of struggle, she pulled the gloves off and handed them to you: “Okay. Good luck, babe.”

“Thanks.”

Another goalkeeper jersey with your girlfriend’s name was procured from somewhere. It was little bit too big for you when you slipped in.

While Mary was escorted off the pitch, you put her gloves on and took a deep breath.

You looked over to the bench and met Sarinas’s gaze. She gave you a small encouraging nod.

Lucy appeared on your side and patted your shoulder: “Don’t worry, we’ll have your back.”

“I trust you. You better not let any ball through.”, you warned them half-jokingly, but the joke seemed to get lost in the severity of the situation.

With a serious look on her face, Leah patted your shoulder encouragingly: “You can count on us.”

“Let’s do this.”, you clapped into your hands, trying to appear more confident than you felt which was one of the things you had learned from your girlfriend, fake it until you make it. Because goalkeeping was an act, and the pitch was its designated stage.  

Suddenly the opponent striker was right in front of you, instinctively you raised your hands to stop the ball from getting into the net.

A shaky breath escaped your lips as Millie hugged you, relief evident in her voice: “Oh, what a save, well done.”

“That was close.”, you muttered still shocked that you indeed prevented the goal with gloves on your hands.

Leah’s hands were on your cheeks, lips pressed to your forehead:” Yes, but you did it.”

When the referee officially ended the game, the exhaustion hit you with full force. Mary who immediately walked to you wrapped her strong arms around you, smiling proudly at you. “You were so good.”, she chirmed.

Happily, you replied: “Thank you. How do you do it though? I feel like I’m dying right now.”

 “You get used to it.”, your girlfriend shrugged.

With a glance at her bandaged arm, the smile disappeared from your face:” But more important, how are you?”

“I’m okay. It’s probably not too bad.”, Mary reassured you.

The grin returned to your lips: “That’s good.”

 “So don’t worry. You won’t have to be goalie for longer.”, the goalkeeper lovingly tousled your hair.

You began to blush: “I’m just glad you’re okay, it looked so scary when you got down.”

“Unlike me. I wasn’t scared. Not with that back-up.”, she winked.

“Not even a second?”, you sounded surprised.

Mary shook her head:” No.”

“Uhm, Millie? You might need to swap rooms for tonight.”, you turned to the defender.

The blonde pretended to think about your suggestion before she gave in with a smirk:” You know what? You deserve it tonight.”

A comforting warmth spread in your chest, you could always count on your team and your girlfriend, Mary was a keeper on and off the pitch, you wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

[wsoc-gay]

Hurt

Leah Williamson x Reader

Summary: You're a sergeant in the British Army and after breaking some promises it begins to effect yours and Leah's marriage, risking your relationship with your daughter.

A/N: I dont love how the ending of this came out, but nonetheless 10k words of angst with a hint of fluff. As always put your requests in my asks!

Based on this request

You were ten years old when you met Leah for the first time. She was a thin, tall girl, with sandy blonde hair, and a fringe blowing in her eyes. You were trialing with the Arsenal Academy, having just moved to London. Leah had already been an established player on the team, having played for a few years, but they encouraged all their current players to attend the trial. The first thing she noticed about you was the goalkeeper gloves covering your hands, not many girls your age were willing to play keeper, not to mention enjoyed it. Leah certainly didn’t fancy herself a time in net, frankly she would do anything to avoid going in, she thought you were weird for liking it. The next thing she noticed was that you were taller than her, at that age Leah was always the tallest on the team, she thought it was weird you were so tall.

After a few practices, Leah started to pick up on how fiercely competitive you were, similar to how she was. Most of the girls on your team didn’t care about winning in training and would rather have a good time with their mates, but Leah could see the look in your eye, the way you clenched your jaw, and how you would rapidly open and close your hands after each shot that slipped past you, being trapped by the netting behind you. She liked that about you, how badly you wanted to win at everything you did, this shared passion for winning is what first sparked your friendship.

You weren’t used to having friends, never staying in one place for long enough to make any. Your dad was a captain in the British Army, meaning by your young age you had already lived in more countries than you could remember. This move was different though, you knew you weren’t going to be packing up soon and leaving, this time was for good. This time was for good because your dad was no longer in the Army, he wasn’t even your dad anymore, he was killed on a random Tuesday, in a country you couldn’t pronounce, on what he promised was his last deployment.

It was after dinner time when two men, dressed in the suit your dad wore when he married your mom, knocked on your door. You parents taught you never to open the door for strangers, but when you looked out the window and saw the men in uniforms you assumed they were friends with your dad.

You opened the door and looked up at the tall men, “My daddy isn’t home right now, he’s on a work trip,” they always called his deployments ‘work trips’, your parents didn’t want you to know the seriousness of what he was doing so they settled on calling his deployments his work trips.

The man on the right had a soft smile as he bent down to your level, “We’re actually here to talk with your mum, is she here?”

You nodded your head quickly and turned to go get her. As soon as you turned around you saw her standing in the doorway, a horrified expression on her face. You weren’t sure why she looked so scared it was just your dad’s friends. She knew what they were there for, the horrifying reality of many military spouses and family members. This was something she had nightmares about since he started deploying. A repeating nightmare of men coming to her door to tell her the love of her life was dead.

“Go to your room sweetie,” your mom told you breathlessly.

You gave her a confused look, but before you could ask why she sternly repeated herself. You ran up the stairs, knowing she really meant it, but you didn’t go to your room, you sat hiding behind the wall at the top of the stairs. You tried listening to what the men were saying, but you didn’t hear anything until the gut wrenching sobs that escaped your mom.

You ran down the steps and attached yourself to your mom’s side, not knowing why she was so sad, but knowing she needed you. She pulled you into a tight hug and continued to sob into you. 

Later that night when her sobs softened, she pulled you onto the couch and told you what the men had told her, that your dad died. You tried your best to stay strong for your mom, but you couldn’t help the sobs that wrecked your small body.

It had been a few months since you saw your dad, but after you found out about his passing the only thing you could remember was the last thing he told you, “Look after your mom for me, she gets sad when I’m gone. I’m always proud of you baby.”

Your dad told you to look after your mom and that is exactly what you did. You held her while she cried after work, this happened every night for months. And after you held her, she would send you to bed and there you could cry. You never let your mom see you upset, you thought it would make everything harder for her, so you cried to yourself at night.

For a long time, you were sad, your dad was your hero, you always wanted to be just like him. Leah helped when you were sad, it made you feel better and distracted you from thinking about your dad when the two of you hung out. You and Leah lived in different neighborhoods and when to different primary schools when you were young, but every day you would get off at her bus stop and walk over to her house. Your mom was a nurse, she worked long days in the hospital, oftentimes not getting home until after you had already finished training. 

So, saying you hung out with Leah a lot was an understatement, you’d go to her house after school, drive together to training, then go back to her house and wait for your mom came to get you. You didn’t see you mom much, but whenever you did, she was not in a good mood, either about to go into or just come off a long shift. She was always angry when she’d pick you up from Leah’s. She was angry until you got home, she took a seat on your couch with her special drink, and eventually fall asleep. Before you went to bed you’d turn the tv off and cover her in a blanket.

You loved your mom and knew everything she was doing was for you, but you couldn’t help but miss your dad. You would never dare tell you mom about how much you missed him, remembering back to the last time you did and being met with a slap across your face that kept your cheek red for nearly three days. You told her how sad you were and how much you missed him, and she started yelling about how she missed him more than you and that you would never understand how much she missed him. The alcohol was clear on her breath, but you didn’t notice at that age.

The next day you told Leah and her mom that you had tripped in the garden, Leah believed you, but even though her mom wasn’t so sure she let you on your way, making sure to keep an extra close eye on your mood the next few days. It was hard to tell if anything was different with you, since you got to London you had become much better at hiding your feelings. You wanted to look after your mom so you wouldn’t let her see you sad. You also didn’t want to talk about your feelings, so you hid it from everyone. You got horribly used to keeping your feelings to yourself, so you would just bottle them up, hoping no one would notice. Your dad was a strong man, you never saw him cry and you wanted to be just like him, so no one would see you cry.

Even as you got older and didn’t need to spend as much time at Leah’s, now being old enough to stay home alone, you still found yourself taking the bus to Leah’s neighborhood and spending afternoons before training there. Oddly enough the older you got the earlier your mom was getting out of work, you’d arrive home from training to see her passed out on the couch, with a bottle of whatever her alcohol of choice was that day on the table beside her.

You would put your stuff away in your room before cooking dinner, eating your serving, plating your mother’s to put on the table aside her for whenever she woke up, and then would go to your room for the night. You didn’t like to hang around for when your mother woke up, whenever you were there, she would find something to yell at you about. Nothing you could do would be good enough for her and then she’d drag your dad into it, telling you how you would never make him proud. Having heard her say that to you since the day he died you decided you’d join the army as soon as you were of age, you know that would make him proud. 

You were fifteen when you were drunk at a party and kissed Leah. You had been harboring feelings for her for a few years at that point. When you were younger you weren’t sure what those feelings were, having never had many friends you assumed you just liked her as a friend. As you got older, and people started dating you realized that you were falling for the blonde girl. It was easy to hide for a while, you both always hung out and you were able to hide those feelings like you did with any other feeling.

However, that night under the influence of a bit of alcohol you couldn’t hold in those feelings anymore. When you kissed her, she was shocked for a moment, but quickly kissed you back. She had been feeling the same way for a while but didn’t think you saw her that way. You started dating a week later and had been together ever since.

You were in the stands when Leah made her debut for the full team at 17 and she was there for you the day you graduated your final phase of training at 18. Leah wasn’t necessarily overjoyed at the prospect of you joining the Army, but you had talked about since the day you met, and she was never going to stand in the way of what was your dream. She was going to stand by your side through it as you were doing it for her.

You got married ten years into your relationship, a beautiful ceremony just outside London, surrounded by your friends, co-workers, and families. You were dressed in dressed blues adorned with medals you were oh so proud of as Leah looked astonishing in her elegant white gown. 

You both were 30 when Leah won the World Cup, however, you weren’t there to witness it. Instead of being there to witness history being made you were halfway through a deployment to the Middle East watching the games on the rare occasion you had access to the internet. 

When you arrived home four months later, you and Leah went on holiday to celebrate your homecoming and her world victory. You were sat at a nice dinner to celebrate the last day of a lovely holiday when Leah told you she wanted to have a baby. It was a conversation you had before, both of you knew you wanted kids, but you didn’t want to get pregnant and at the time Leah wasn’t sure if she would be willing to put her career on hold to have a baby. But now, after having completed international football, she decided she was ready to pause her career and fulfil both of your dreams.

It was the perfect time to have a baby, Leah didn’t have any major international tournaments the following year and you had just gotten home from a deployment and likely wouldn’t be sent away for at least a few more years. You started the IVF process as soon as you arrived home from holiday and after two rounds were officially expecting a baby girl. Amelia Lily Y/L/N Williamson was born on a sunny September day and was immediately your entire world.

The next time you were deployed was when Amelia was 2 years old, you told her the same thing your mom used to tell you about your father, that you were going on a work trip. 8 months later when you came home Amelia had a rough time adjusting to you being back in the home, clearly affected by your absence.

The fighting with Leah started soon after you came home, it wasn’t every night and was never anything physical, but you and Leah would argue about your career. You were lucky that you hadn’t been stationed outside of England since 24, but the deployments every few years took a toll on your relationship. She had been asking about you leaving the Army since you got married, she wanted you home more, and didn’t want to be having to worry about you possibly dying overseas in the same manner your father did.

It was 2 weeks after you had gotten home, and Amelia still wasn’t quite used to you being there yet. She wouldn’t let you handle bath time alone, wouldn’t let you play with her, and wouldn’t let you put her to bed without Leah there as well.

You were sat on the edge of Amelia’s bed, attempting to read her a story before she went to bed, but she wouldn’t calm down, “I want Mama,” the small girl cried pushing a hand against your chest.

You ran a hand through her blonde hair, “Mama will be here soon, lovie, I’m just going to get started on your story while we wait for her.” 

She clenched her fists and pounded them into her bed, “I don’t want Mummy bedtime story, I want Mama bedtime story,” the small girl cried.

Since you got home you and Leah had tried to give you more one on one time with Amelia, hoping that she would get more used to you being around, but every time you tried it ended this same way. Leah wasn’t busy right now, she was sat on the couch in your living room, hoping to remain there until she heard the story finish. Leah had done the beginning of Amelia’s nighttime routine, her bath, her teeth, getting her dressed, but hoped that she’d allow for you to handle the story.

You sighed and looked to your daughter with pleading eyes, “I’m reading the same story Mama reads you, Mama will be here soon, but we’re just going to read the story,” you held up the book to show her the familiar cover page.

She flipped onto her stomach and dug her head into her pillow crying, “I don’t want you Mummy, I want Mama.”

You sighed, the guilt of seeing your daughter like this after your absence was eating you alive. You knew how hard she took it when Leah left for weekend away trips, but you never expected her to act like this upon your return. You had expected her to be excited to see you home, knowing you both were always close. Ever since she was born, she loved being with you. After Leah would feed her, you would take your daughter to burp and then she’d fall asleep against your chest, one hand gripped to your shirt and cuddled as close to you as possible. She always loved being in your arms, even as she grew your arms were huge around her, she always felt so safe with you, anytime she was upset everything seemed to melt away the second she was in your strong arms.

You sat there rubbing your hands over your face when Amelia began kicking her feet into her mattress, “I want Mama, Mama doesn’t leave me,” now she was screaming.

You sighed rubbing a hand on her back, “I don’t like leaving you sweetie, but I have to for work.”

“Mama leaves on work trips and Mama comes home. You leave for work trips, and you don’t come home,” the small girl continued was sobbing into her pillow.

It broke your heart to hear your little girl like this. From your own experience you remember how hard it was having your father leave on his deployments, but you don’t remember ever getting to the extent that you saw your daughter right now. You were always overjoyed the minute your dad got home, you’d be waiting at the base for him and jumping into his arms as soon as he reached you. You wouldn’t let him out of your sights for weeks after he’d return, too scared that he’d disappear again.

You couldn’t help but feel like you failed her, this little girl and her mom were your whole world and you felt like you failed them both. Here you were sat on the edge of a little bed, staring into small eyes identical to those of the love of your life as she laid in bed sobbing because you were sat next to her.

You sighed and had you head in your hands when suddenly you heard a familiar voice in the doorway, “Mama is here now let’s read your bedtime story.”

Leah walked around to the opposite side of the toddler bed and sat on the edge, one hand rubbing down your daughters back, “Would you like to read your story now?” she asked the toddler.

You and Leah looked at each other confused as you heard a quiet mumbling into the pillow, neither of you sure what she had said, “What was that, lovie? Can you speak up, please?” you softly asked.

She turned her head to face your wife and grabbed her sleeve, “I don’t want Mummy here for story time. Just want Mama.”

Your heart broke all over again as you heard her words, Leah looked to you with tired and heartbroken eyes, before she spoke, “It’s okay sweetie, we can do our usual story time with Mummy.”

Amelia dug her head back into the pillow as she repeatedly shook her head no.

Leah went to speak again, but you cut her off putting your hand up, “It’s okay Le, I’ll go,” you leaned down to place a kiss on your daughter’s head, “I love you, lovie, sleep well,” you stood up and walked out of the room not before looking back from the doorway and seeing Amelia roll over and cuddle into Leah’s side.

The first dew nights you understood that she was upset, and over your calls with Leah, knew it was going to take some getting used to for the 3-year-old. However, you never expected it to drag out this long. She used to love you reading to her before bed, she’d cuddle into your side while Leah read to her, almost always falling asleep in your arms.

You dragged yourself down the halls and into your shared bedroom with Leah. You changed into a pair of shorts and an old, oversized army hoodie. You went into the bathroom and stared at yourself in the mirror for a while. Every time you came home from a deployment you looked to have aged about 5 years, you were only 33, but by the dark circles under your eyes, and the stress wrinkles covering your face, people could’ve guessed you were well into your 40s. 

Deployments were always hard, out in the sun all day, working all day, not sleeping well, and being away from Leah. This deployment was a lot worse than the others, not only being away from Leah, but also Amelia took a large not toll on you, and to make it worse it was a rough deployment. Your troop was sent on more missions than you had ever experienced on a deployment before, you were stationed in a high combat area. Multiple soldiers under your command had died in combat and being their sergeant, you took their deaths especially hard. You felt like you were the reason these soldiers weren’t going to return to their families.

Your PTSD was also worse than ever before. You’ve had it since your early deployments, but it never went past a few nightmares, now it wasn’t just at night, you were starting to have panic attacks. They would come without warning, you were at the park with Leah and Amelia yesterday afternoon when a loud scream in the distance sent your mind back to the battlefield, you suddenly were shoving your wife and daughter behind your back, wanting to protect them from whatever caused the screams. Amelia was terrified seeing you like that and it took Leah nearly 20 minutes to calm you down and convince you that they were safe.

You remember when this used to happen to your dad, you didn’t realize what it truly was at the time, but now you understand. It would take you mom a while to calm him down, but you weren’t scared of him when it happened, you knew that he was only ever doing it to protect you. Amelia didn’t see it this way, all she saw was you panicking trying to protect her and Leah. It put Leah in a complicated spot, trying to calm you down while also trying to convince your daughter that you were okay.

Your hands were leaning against the counter and your head hanging low when you felt a hand rubbing your back, you looked up in the mirror to see Leah’s face reflected right behind your shoulder, “She go down alright, once I finally left?”

Leah sighed, “It’s not like that-”

You cut her off before she could continue, “Yes, it is, Leah, our daughter hates me,” you turned away from the counter and walked into your bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Leah followed you into the room sat next to you placing a hand on your thigh, “She doesn’t hate you, y/n, she-”

You sharply cut her off again, “She’s just getting used to it, I know Leah, but I never had to get used to my dad being home, not like this. I was overjoyed when he was home, I wouldn’t let him out of my sight when he came home. He was my best friend, my hero, and I thought that’s how Amelia saw me, but clearly, I was wrong.” 

Leah sighed rubbing circles into your thigh, “I wasn’t going to say that” she sent you a small glare, “So stop interrupting me,” you nodded, “I was going to tell you that she cried almost every night for the first month. She wanted to know where you were, she didn’t understand why you weren’t coming home and I didn’t know what to tell her,” Your wife sighed, “Every away match when she’d come with me, she would be so angry the whole trip, constantly complaining about how she was missing out on her Mummy and Amelia days. She missed you, love, she missed you so much she didn’t know how to handle it. She is mad that you left that’s why she’s taking it so hard.”

You wiped a hand over your face, “Well, what am I supposed to do about that now? She was mad that I left, I get that, but I’m home now and I’m trying, and she hardly lets me see her.”

The blonde defender rubbed her hand over your thigh, “You can try apologizing to her. Tell her that you’re sorry for leaving and that you won’t be leaving like that again.”

“You know I can’t tell her that, Leah. I may not be leaving soon, but eventually I’ll have to leave again.”

“Or you don’t have to leave again?”

You scoffed, “You know I can’t just tell the Army not to deploy me, I’ll have to leave again.”

Leah sighed and looked towards her feet, “I’m trying to say that maybe you should think about stepping away from the Army.”

You laughed, “That’s funny, love, leaving the Army,” You looked towards her and saw the serious look on her face, “You’re not kidding, are you?”

Her blue eyes met yours, “No, I’m not kidding.”

“I’m not leaving the Army, end of story.”

“You’re not even going to talk about it?”

You pushed yourself off the bed and turned to face the England captain, “There’s nothing to talk about, I’m not leaving the Army.”

Leah stood up and walked towards you a stern look and tone in her voice, “Why won’t you talk about it? Do you not care about your relationship with Amelia?”

You took a step back and pointed a finger towards her, “Don’t you dare bring her up. You know this has nothing to do with her.”

“How does it have nothing to do with her? You’re seeing now the consequences your career is having on her,” Your wife started to raise her voice, “This has everything to do with her, you’re destroying your relationship with her.”

You knew she had a point, that your career was affecting your relationship with your daughter. Anyone could tell that you leaving was affecting her, but what you failed to notice was how it also affected Leah. You never thought about how hard it was on her, she was always so excited to hear from you while you were away and celebrated every time you came home, it never crossed your mind how hard you being away was on her.

She noticed your hesitancy to answer, and you saw her seem to draw in on herself, she spoke softly, “And it’s not only affecting your relationship with her,” the blonde defender looked down at her feet.

“What are you trying to say, that my career is affecting us?”

Leah looked at you as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Of course it is.”

You looked at her and your expression dropped, “You never mentioned anything.”

Tears began to peak in her eyes, “I didn’t think I had to mention anything. I’ve been worrying about you over the course of your deployments for over ten years,” she wiped a tear as it began to fall, “Everyday you’re there I am absolutely terrified. Every time you reschedule a call because you’re going out, I stay awake for days, unable to sleep because I’m so worried sick over you,” the tears began falling harder, “Every there’s a knock on the door I’m terrified that I’m going to open it to the same thing your mom did when your dad died.”

“Don’t mention my dad to use him against me.”

She gasped, “I’m not using him against you. I’m trying to get you to understand why I think you should leave the military. I’m trying to get you to see it through my eyes, the eyes that are worried sick of her wife, the mother of her child, dying in a sandpit overseas.”

“Have I ever asked you to quit football?” you sharply asked.

Leah’s voice was raised now, “How is this the same as football?”

Your tone matched hers, “You’re gone all day at training and then leave for days at a time, I go on deployment once every few years, Leah.”

She scoffed again, “You’re gone once every few years for nearly a year at a time. And I know while I’m at football you’re not worried about me dying.”

You turned and began to walk out of the room, “I’m not leaving the Army, that’s final.”

Leah yelled out as you reached the doorway, “Please just think about it. Think about how much better our life could be with you at home, think about how this is affecting all of us.”

You nodded before turning and leaving Leah in the middle of your room, tears streaming down her face.

The truth was you thought about it, for about thirty seconds. You knew you weren’t going to leave the Army. While you heard everything Leah had said and hated the way she felt about the situation you knew that you weren’t going to leave the career you had made. The career you were so proud of, the life that you knew your dad would be proud of. 

---

Now, two years later you stood in your kitchen, sobs wrecking from your wife after you just told her you would be deploying again in two weeks’ time. While Leah knew it was a longshot to get you to leave the Army two years ago, she thought that you would think it over and come around before they would get the chance to deploy you again. 

She thought you would think about her, about Amelia, and realize that the right decision was to leave. She hoped that her retirement from football last year would spark something in you, but evidently it didn’t.

The strong former defender looked tiny as she leaned against the counter, her body wrecked by sobs, “Why are you doing this to us?”

Your hands were dug through your hair, “I’m not doing anything to us. This isn’t about our family it is about my career.”

Leah stood up and pushed her two hands against your chest, “This has everything to do with us, you’re leaving us again. I thought that you would finally stand up and choose me and your daughter over the Army, but clearly, I was wrong.”

“I’m not choosing anything over anyone. I’m going to war, to fight, and protect you. I am not choosing the Army over you; I’m choosing the Army for you.”

Leah’s sobs were lessened by her raised voice, “If you were choosing something for me, for us, you would’ve left the Army two years ago when your daughter could hardly look at you for months.”

She was right, it had taken Amelia nearly four months of you being home, to get over the betrayal she felt by your absence. It wrecked you seeing her like that, for so long, but the only thing you had at that time was the Army. Your career never turned its back on you, it celebrated your devotion, and you sacrifice. The only thing that helped you feel better during that time was going to work and knowing you were making a difference.

You lowered your voice, hoping to calm the situation, “I need to do this, love. You know what my career means to me.”

Leah’s expression was still cold, “Don’t call me that while you’re telling me that you’re choosing work over me.”

You slammed your fist against the countertop, “How many times do I need to tell you that I’m not choosing work over you. Nothing is more important to me than my family and the Army.”

Her hands covered her face, “Why is your family at the same level as your job? I would never have chosen football over you and our daughter. I gave up my career for a year just to have her.”

Your expression was stern and portrayed little emotions, “The Army is my family-”

The blonde cut you off, shoving you back again, “Stop saying that me and Amelia mean no more to you than the Army. In no world should your family be at the same level as your job.”

Now you were angry, “This isn’t just my job this is my life, this is my father’s legacy. I am committing myself to the same thing he did. I am living the life that he gave his entire existence to.”

“And do you want to die before you see your daughter turn ten?”

You sucked in a tight breath, “Don’t you dare say that to me.”

She gasped, “That’s the truth. It’s the harsh reality and it is the reason why you need to choose us over your job.”

“I’m not leaving the Army; I’ll be home in nine months and when I get home then, and we have this same conversation my answer will not change,” your cold expression never faltered.

She sighed and spoke the quietest since the beginning of the argument, “Then I’m leaving you.”

Your head whipped towards her, “What did you just say?”

More confidently this time, “I am leaving you and I’m taking Amelia with me. We can’t live like this anymore.”

“We’ve been together for 20 years you can’t just leave me.”

Leah leaned back against the counter, “And for the first 17 years I thought that me and our daughter came first. The last three years you’ve made it painfully obvious that isn’t true and I’m not going to raise my daughter in that environment.”

You crossed your arms, “I love you, Leah, I have for the past 20 years. I love Amelia and I have since the second she was born. You can’t leave me.”

You walked towards where Leah stood and reached to grab her hand. Your wife slipped away from the counter and crossed to the other side of the kitchen, “I know you love us, and you know that I love you too, but we can’t keep coming second to your career.”

“You don’t come second you-”

Leah cut you off, “Were on the same level, I know you’ve been telling me for years. I’m not going to put up with it anymore. Your family is supposed to come first and clearly, you’re not capable of that, so I’m done. You can try and fight it if you want, but I want to handle this between us. You know what is best for Amelia, you know that she is better off with me,” you just looked at her, unable to speak, “I’m going to pick her up from school, I hope you’re gone when I get back.”

“You’re not even going to let me say goodbye?”

Leah knew this meant that you agreed to her terms, you would give her full custody of your daughter. As much as it hurt, you knew that Leah was right. She would be able to give her the better life, Amelia would miss you for the first few months, but just like your last deployment, she would get over it and she would settle into her new life.

“You’re right, but you’re not staying here tonight. You can say goodbye during bedtime, but I want you gone before I go to bed.”

With that Leah walked out of your shared home, the home you had lived in for the last 8 years. You walked to your bedroom, the bedroom that held so many fond memories. In that room Leah told you that she was ready to have a baby, you did all the IVF shots there, you read the test confirming Leah’s pregnancy, felt Amelia move for the first time, spoke to your baby girl, held your daughter while she screamed during the night, and so many more. 

Now here you stood, staring into your closet deciding what you wanted to take with you as you moved out of your beloved home. Moved out of this home by yourself, leaving your daughter and wife, soon to be ex-wife, behind.

There were a lot of tears that night as you said goodnight to your daughter. You had tears in your eyes and streaming down your cheeks as you knew it would be the last time you would see her for a long while. Tears were also streaming down her face as she cried for Leah, you had told her you would be deploying again, and she did not take it well. Once you told her she immediately shut down and wanted her Mama there, the woman who never left her behind.

She didn’t understand what this goodbye meant, and you didn’t have the heart to tell her. You promised your blonde daughter that you loved her and that you’d always protect her even if you were halfway across the world. So, you left that night under the gauge that you were deploying, not telling her that you would be gone for much longer than that now.

---

It was six months later when you found yourself waking up under the bright, blinding lights of a hospital room. You weren’t sure where you were or what was happening as your breathing increased and you slowly began to panic. Sitting up quickly and searching the room for a sign of where you were.

The room was silent besides the sound of your labored breathings and subtle beeps from the machines on your bedside. It was a small room, but if anything was clear from the number of machines whirring beside you, it was that whatever you were here for was serious.

The white walls and lights lit up the room fully, but they were accompanied by the sun shining in from the large windows. It looked as every other hospital you had visited; the room your mom was brought to when she cut her hand open while drinking in your teenage years, the room Leah was in after her ACL tear, the room Amelia was born in, and the room you visited injured soldiers in. 

Even though you didn’t know what brought you here, every hospital room granted the same feeling, fear, doubt, shock. Your entire body was in an achy pain, moving ever so slightly caused pain to radiate through your entire body. Even just the lights sent pain searing through your head.

The door was opened, and a female doctor rushed to your bedside, “Calm down, Sergeant, you’re okay, you’re safe.”

You gave her a confused look with wide eyes, “Where am I?” you croaked out, your voice scratchy.

“You’re in the hospital, you were injured in the field a week ago. You have been in a coma since.”

Your eyes widened, you had no memory of an injury, “What happened?”

You were five months into your deployment when you were informed of your next base move. Your unit was being sent to a different base, nearly four hours away, in a much more dangerous area. The British squad there was slowly being overpowered by the enemy and they needed more British soldiers there to defend.

This deployment had been noticeable easier than your previous one. You had been stationed in a much safer area than last time and rarely had to go out on missions. You were stationed far away from any enemy camps and hardly came across anyone in your day-to-day. Your squad was only sent on missions when a British troop was in danger.

You hadn’t lost anyone in your squad, but this seemed a bit too good to be true. You hadn’t been on the front lines often, but when you were it was highly dangerous. It was a near miracle that none of your soldiers had lost their lives.

Now you found yourself in the passenger seat of your Foxhound, your right-hand man for this deployment in the driver’s seat beside you. You were about two hours into the drive when the unimaginable happened.

You were driving along a dirt road, the same you had been on for the whole journey, and nearly identical to ever other road in this area. There were no buildings around, no people, and no vehicles other than your unit’s. All of a sudden you hit a bump, for the second you recognized it as a rock in the road, but then suddenly your truck was being blown through the air and flipping over itself. 

The IED blew the back of your truck tumbling over the front. The flip crushed the and folded in the hood, trapping your left leg in the damage. The other vehicles in your unit weren’t damaged and the other soldiers came running to the aide of you and your partner. You were unconscious the minute the roof of the truck hit the ground, and as your men reached you, they quickly realized you were stuck in the damage. 

They were able to get the other man out, his injuries seemed minor compared to yours. You had severe injuries that even your soldiers could assume were nearly deadly. The aide unit reached you an hour later, your soldier sat by your side protecting the vehicle incase any insurgents heard the explosion. The rescue team was able to get you out of the damage in due time, but at the cost of your left leg. They treated you at a nearby aide station until you were stable enough to be transferred to a hospital. 

This was a week ago, now you laid in your hospital bed, finally waking from the medically induced coma the doctors had placed you in due to the traumatic brain injury you suffered. As the doctor explained your injuries, losing your leg, broken ribs, cracked skull, TBI, shattered wrist, and many internal injuries, you zoned out not truly believing the words falling from the doctor’s mouth. You lifted the blanket covering your legs and looked down to see your missing extremity, it was almost as if you didn’t believe what the doctor was saying.

Your breathing was still fast, but it was beginning to regulate as you realized what was happening. All you were thinking about now was how much you wished someone was by your side, but you knew that wasn’t happening. This was the life you had chosen for yourself, a life alone, a life with the Army as your family, the life you chose over your real family. You knew that Leah wasn’t there for you and wasn’t coming to you.

The doctor interrupted your thoughts when she spoke, “Sergeant, we will be transferring you to London shortly. You’ll be remaining there until their doctors declare you healthy enough to return home. You’ll be heavily sedated for the trip, otherwise due to your injuries you would be in unimaginable pain.” 

You simply nodded your head, not knowing how to respond to the doctor’s words. As they began to prepare you for transfer your head was empty. The only thing you were sure of at the moment was the pain radiating through your body. There wasn’t much running through your head, you weren’t sure what to think of the situation. And as they put you under the sedation the only thing you were thinking of was about was what would happen once you were back in London, where you would go.

You woke up a few hours later, lying flat in a new hospital bed, looking up at a ceiling nearly identical to the one you were in hours earlier. The same bright lights, white ceiling, whirring of medical devices on your bedside. You heard quiet talking in the distance when you leaned up on your elbows and saw a man in a white coat standing in the doorway speaking to someone that was blocked by the wall.

You watched for a moment, they hadn’t noticed you were awake, and then turned to look around the room. You spotted a bag which you could never forget sitting on the couch to your right, Leah was here.

Wincing as you moved up the bed, now leaning against the bed frame. The doctor turned to look into the room, clearly having heard your pained noise.  Once he saw you awake and sitting up, he walked in, Leah following behind, “Nice to see you awake Sergeant, I hope the flight over was smooth.”

You smirked, “Wouldn’t be able to tell you if it wasn’t,” you looked past the doctor to see Leah hesitantly standing next to the doorway, leaning against the wall.

 “I’m just going to do a few quick checks on you and then I’ll leave you to get some rest.”

The doctor came to your bedside and took notes in your chart with some of the information on the many devices connected to your body. As he did some hands-on checks you couldn’t stop staring right past him and at the English defender standing in the back. You weren’t sure why she was here; you had changed your emergency contact right before you left on deployment, fearing this exact situation. You knew where you stood with Leah and didn’t want her to be called in if something like this were to happen.

The doctor finished her checks and confirmed that everything looked good in relation to your current state. He looked to Leah as he announced you’d likely be staying in the hospital for about a week, they needed to keep a close eye on your recovery.

The doctor left the room after mentioning he’d be back soon to check on you once again. Leah thanked the doctor and looked over toward you, there was a silence for a minute neither of you quite knowing what to say, but you broke it, “You don’t have to be here, Leah.”

The blonde slowly approached your bed, “Don’t even try telling me to leave.”

“I’m sorry they called you, I’m not sure why they did. I changed my mom to my emergency contact; I don’t know why they-”

Leah cut you off as she sat on the edge of your hospital bed, “They didn’t call me,” you gave her a confused look, “Your mom called me. Why’d you put her down?”

You had a strained relationship with your mom since you moved out of the house. She tormented you after your father died, always drunk and always angry. It was when you enlisted that she really hated you, she didn’t understand why you would put yourself into the same situation that killed your dad. At the time you didn’t understand her anger, you thought what you were doing was honorable, was something to be proud of. What you knew now, from being with Leah, was that she was simply terrified, just like Leah was. You moved out after you enlisted and after the argument that followed. 

You and her had some contact, mostly through her expenses and medical care. As much as Leah hated it, you were always there for your mother whenever she called. And while it was never personal and you never introduced her to your daughter, you always took care of whatever she needed. She’d call you for money, you received all her bills, you took care of everything because even with how horribly she treated you, there was always that part of you who understood her. You understood the spiral she had after your father’s passing and he told you to take care of her, and you would never disobey one of his orders. Her drinking was something you delt with from the moment your dad passed. What you didn’t notice as a kid, was that she wasn’t attending work. When you were at school and Leah’s hour assuming she was working in the hospital, she really was at home drinking. The alcohol has taken its toll on her body and her health was now steadily declining.

Leah, obviously, knew all of this having been there for you through it all. Which is why she was so confused to find out that you had her placed in the spot your ex-wife once held.

You looked down in your lap, “Well, I needed to take you off it and I didn’t know who else to put. I filled it out assuming it wouldn’t have to be used, but here we are.”

She let out a soft chuckle, “Well here we are, Y/N.”

You met her eyes, staring into the blue, “What’d she say when she called you?”

Leah sighed, “I don’t think that’s important.”

Your expression grew more serious, “Yes, it is, please tell me.”

The blonde sighed and looked to the ceiling, “She was clearly drunk when she called, it was after you had arrived here, so I’m not really sure what she thought when she got the first call you were hurt, but she didn’t call me then,” Leah took your, uninjured, hand in hers, “She told me that you were here, but that she didn’t remember what the doctor told her about what happened or how you were, so I was half-expecting to show up here and you be in even worse shape. She said that this was your own fault, and that you did this to yourself by choosing to be in the Army. Then she told me it was my fault for not convincing you to leave sooner, started blaming me for killing you,”

You squeezed her hand, “This isn’t your fault, you tried to get me to leave. This was my own fault.”

She sighed, “I know, and I told her I tried to get you to leave, but she just kept saying that this was the same thing that happened with your dad. That he didn’t love her or you enough to leave and it killed him.”

“She has always said I’m just like him, but you know this isn’t your fault. You know I love you and Amelia more than anything.”

Leah’s eyes met yours, “I know you do; I was so scared when she called, I thought you were dead.”

“I might be better off dead at this point,” the defender slapped your thigh, “I lost my leg Leah I can’t be a soldier anymore. I lost you and Amelia when I decided to stay in, and now I’ve lost the career I risked everything for.”

“I’m going to help you get through it, don’t worry.”

You sighed, “You don’t have to do that Leah, I know how you feel about me.”

“I’m going to help you; I’m not just throwing you to the curb.”

You leaned your head against the pillow, “I know I fucked up; I don’t expect you to forgive me and help me just because I got hurt. I’ll figure it out.”

“You don’t have to, I’m taking you home once they let you out of here,” she looked towards the foot of the bed, “I’m helping you get through this, we’ll work through it together.”

“What about Amelia? Won’t it confuse her?”

Leah sighed and spoke softly, “I never told her we split.”

You gave her a confused look, “You didn’t tell her?”

She had a serious look on her face, “No, I didn’t,” the confused look was still plastered across your face, “I might’ve regretted it after it really sunk in.”

Suddenly you felt a jolt of optimism deep in your stomach, you might not have really lost her, “What do you mean?”

Tears started to prick in her eyes, “I was just so terrified of losing you. The last deployment was so difficult on all of us, and I just didn’t think I could go through it again,” you reached to hold the blonde’s hand, “After you said you’d think about leaving I just thought that seeing how it had affected Amelia would convince you to leave, so part of me spent those years just expecting you to leave. When you came home and said you’d be going back I couldn’t handle it.”

You sighed, “I’m sorry, Le.”

“I just was so terrified that I would lose you and had convinced myself you couldn’t come out of every deployment healthy and that eventually it would catch up to you.”

You smirked, “Are saying you jinxed me?” Leah shot you a glare, “Sorry, sorry just trying to lighten the mood.”

The captain let a small smile cross her face, “You always are trying to lighten the mood.”

“You’re always too serious,” you countered.

“We even each other out.”

“Yes, we do.”

You spent the next week in hospital, Leah would come every day to visit for a few hours while Amelia was in school. You had asked her not to bring your daughter to see you, you didn’t want her to see you in the state you were in. You and Leah were slowly amending things, you knew it would be a long journey for the two of you, but you were taking the proper steps there. You spent the time in the hospital talking any things through, it seemed like the first time in a while you both had a proper conversation about what was going on in your heads. Leah told you her fears and you expressed why you were so desperate to stay in.

It was a week after arriving at the London hospital when you were crutching your way into your home. Leah had opened your car door for you and was rushing around you to grab the front door as well, she truly was a miracle worker for you. You had gone home during schooltime which was best, it gave you a few hours to settle back in before Amelia returned home. Leah had told her about everything going on so that the young girl wasn’t startled to see you, but you knew she wouldn’t understand completely until she saw you, and frankly you and Leah didn’t yet know how she’d react to seeing you.

You laid on the couch for the next few hours your foot and new stump were laid on the couch next to you while Leah seemed to be running at one hundred miles a minute trying to make sure you had everything. 

You looked over the back of the couch to Leah in the kitchen, “Would you come sit down Le? I’ve got everything I need I promise.” 

She continued her rummaging through the cabinets, “I’m just trying to fix you a snack I don’t want you to worry about anything.”

“I’m not hungry and the only thing I’m worried about right now is your heart rate,” you could hear Leah laugh from the kitchen, “I’m serious, love, come sit with me and relax.”

You leaned up as the defender approached the couch, sliding into where your head used to be and then relaxing you to lay in her lap, “How are you feeling? Do you need ice?”

“The same as the last twenty times in the past half hour, I’m fine, Leah.”

She ran her fingers through your hair, “I just worry about you, this is a big change and I want to make everything go as smoothly as possible for you.”

You smiled, “I appreciate it, seriously, but I am as okay as I can be right now. You’re being perfect I promise.”

“Just think of it as me repaying you for taking care of me while I was pregnant.”

You scoffed, “Oh, I was not this insufferable when I was taking care of you.”

This sent Leah into a spiral of explaining everything you used to do for her that annoyed her. Her rant lasted many minutes as it seemed like she had been waiting to tell you this ever since. The blonde went on and on explaining everything you used to do and how you hovered which only got worse overtime.

A few minutes into her rant you noticed the time, “Oh shit, don’t you need to go pick up Amelia? When’s school end?”

“I’m not leaving, my mum is grabbing her for me.”

You leaned to sit up as Leah pressed a hand against your back to help you. You swung your leg around, so you were sat next to her, “She’s going to hate me again isn’t she.”

Leah grabbed your hand, “She won’t hate you, just like she didn’t the first time. I can’t promise it won’t take some adjusting, but I can tell you she’s taken the news of you coming home a lot better than last time. She’s older now, she understands everything a bit better.”

“I just can’t deal with her hating me again. It almost broke me the last time, seeing the look on her face every time I would walk into the room.”

She sighed, “I can’t say it’s going to be easy, and I bet it’ll be hard for her to see you like this, but it’ll be okay in the end.”

“She’s going to be scared to look at me, I mean look,” you motioned to your legs, one covered in cuts and bruises and the other missing.

The blonde rubbed circles on your hand, “It’ll be hard, but she’s a strong little girl. She’ll understand I don’t want you to worry. She’s been excited about you coming home, we’ve been talking about it.”

You raised an eyebrow, “She’s excited?”

Leah smiled, “Ever since I told her you were in the hospital, she’s been asking me about when you’d come home. She’s been waiting for this, so listen when I tell you she’ll be okay.”

Your conversation was interrupted by the front door opening, Leah squeezed your hand before jumping up. She walked towards the door to see a yelling blonde girl, “Mama!”

Leah caught her as she jumped into her arms, standing up and pressing a kiss to the side of her head, “I missed you sweetie, how was school?”

“It was good we colored and then I got to play football during break time!” you could hear the smile on the small girls face as she spoke, them not far enough into the house to see you.

You reached for your crutches and used them to slowly get yourself to your feet. You took one step on them when Leah heard the noise and whipped her head around, “Sit back down we’ll come to you.”

She had a stern look on her face, but you shook your head as you crutched towards her and the small girl, “I’m okay Le,” you saw your daughter’s head peak over her mother’s shoulder meeting your eyes, “Hi, baby girl.”

Leah gently placed her back on the ground before whispering to her, “Remember what we talked about, being gentle with Mummy.”

You had stopped a few meters behind your wife, as the small girl slowly walked over to you, “I missed you, lovie,” you smiled down at her.

“I missed you too, Mummy,” She hugged you, on the side of your good leg, and you saw Leah winced, about to talk, but you shook her head telling her it was okay.

“Should we move to the couch so I can give you a proper cuddle?” She nodded and followed close behind as you crutched to the couch.

You sat by the arm and Amelia quickly climbed up to cuddle into your side, you wrapped an arm around her pulling her closer to your side. Leah hovered nearby and moved to sit down on the chair nearby.

“How was your work trip, Mummy?”

You and Leah both let out a soft laugh, “It was good at the beginning, I was hanging out with my friends all day,” Leah sighed, knowing this wasn’t the truth, “But I know Mama told you I got hurt at the end. I can explain it to you when you’re a little older.”

“Mama said the doctors had to take your leg. Why would they do that? That’s mean.”

You sighed, “You know what a car wreck is, right baby?” the small girl nodded, “Well, me and my friends were in a bad one and it hurt my leg very badly. My left was so bad that I couldn’t keep it anymore, it would’ve made me worse.”

She looked at you confused, “But now you can’t walk anymore or play with me and Mama in the garden.”

Your heart broke hearing your daughter speak. Your whole life would change now, and it was really setting in on how it was going to change. You knew that there were prosthetics, but nothing would give you back what you had before. Even with the advancements no prosthetic would be the same as having a leg.

Leah could see the tears starting to form and your eyes and took over the conversation, “Well, some special doctors are going to give your Mummy a robot leg once her leg is healed a little more. So, in a few months she’ll be able to walk again and even play with us in the garden.”

Her eyes lit up as she sat up and looked to you, “Really?”

There was a small crack in your voice as you looked to her, “Yep, they’re going to give me one and it’ll help me walk again. It will take a while until I’m ready for it, and then after that it will take a little while to get used to wearing it.”

She seemed to take this answer, “Does that mean you’ll be part robot?”

You laughed and ran a hand through her blonde hair, “I guess it does, I’ll be part robot.” 

She cuddled back into your side one arm wrapped around your waist. You leaned down to place a kiss against her hair and then looked over to see Leah watching you lovingly. You motioned for her to come over and she took a spot on the other side of your daughter wrapping her arm around the both of you. 

This was everything you missed and thought about while you were away. Having both of your girls back with you. You spent so many nights missing them and rotting with guilt over losing the both of them, but now you were here with your life put back together and in the arms of both of your girls.

You would have to adjust to this new life of injury, but you knew with these two you would get through it. They would be your motivation, getting back to your best would be for them, and they would be by your side every step of the way.