#go overwhelmed im sorry about that

[cheaploafs]

the calm before the storm

[immortalsins]

EYEBROW PIERCED

[c0smiccom3t]

[opikiquu]

aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

[arsenicflame]

i think it all comes down to the fact that even when i feel completely on top of my own emotions and upsets and the things that set me off, i still never feel in control. i never feel like i can do things that make a difference to how i feel

[crystallakec]

unfollow me right now because invincible season 2 teaser trailer just dropped and I'm afraid of the person I'm going to be for the. next 3 weeks

[emry-stars-art]

Also! ✨ Lil update! ✨

I’m planning on moving soon, so I’m gonna be slowing down my production for a while! Once my current queue runs out, updates will be more sparse but I’ll be around to answer asks/post doodles/chat etc. so please keep sending in ideas and interacting if you feel like it! Hopefully all goes well and I’ll still have plenty of time to draw and write, because I’m still really enjoying these little projects 😌 

Anyway it’s easiest to get ahold of me in DMs on discord (be.fernsby), but tumblr and instagram are just as fine. Hope everyone is having a wonderful time zone with something nice to drink or snack on 😚💕

[woodfrogs]

i hate texting and emails i am meant to live in the 1800s where communication is done face to face or takes 15 days by train to reach its recipient

[quietwingsinthesky]

IT’S SUCH A GOOD EPISODE GODDDDD

[taamlok]

okay after spending the past 2 hours exclusively reblogging from tags WITHOUT turning on any content filters, here are my findings:

number of terrible, psychic damage dealing takes spotted: 0 number of beautiful new mutuals gained: 2 number of incredible fanworks i would never have seen if i hadn't specifically sought them out instead of relying on people i follow to do it for me: 18

i hope this proves my point, if you only rely on your following tab to deliver posts to you you're only going to see what's popular in your little circle. that's why posts seem to only circulate amongst mutuals and it's hard to "break containment". it really isn't reasonable to expect non-mutuals to reblog your stuff if you're unwilling to reciprocate and step outside your bubble. being part of the solution is a group effort!

[bobasnonbeliever]

only posting this here because i dont think anyone will see it. i need to get this out

im so fucking tired of my life. im tired of caring, like, in general. as stupid as it sounds, i was watching kitchen nightmares, and gordon said something about a chef or an owner, i dont remember exactly, he said; "losing hope is a scary thing to do, when theres just no more light at the end of the tunnel, it takes you down dark paths." or something like that. and ive been suicidal/depressed since i was 9, but i thought to myself "im not hopeless, am i?". the more i thought about it, the worse i felt because, god no, im not hopeless. im helpless, or maybe i wallow too much in my own self pity. i dont know the difference. every goddamn day feels like another waking nightmare, im sick of living with my mom, im sick of her not letting me get a job. i dont want my name on the damn electric bill because shes over $1,000 in debt to the power company anymore. shes already ruining my credit, and i dont even have a damn job! not to mention her fucking kid, her 5yo fucking kid, im taking care of. the product of the man who beat me over and over again, threatened to kill me, and then he took a greyhound bus out of our lives. why didnt she protect me? he never once hit her, or anyone else, why didnt mom help me? i was only 13 when he first pulled me by my hair and slammed me into the stairs because i let moms ice cream tub melt on the kitchen table for half an hour. it took him till my brother was 3 to leave. she valued him over me, and even now. im always taking care of my brother, even when he screams at me, cusses at me, throws things at me, spits on me, hits me, kicks me, claws me, bites me, and more. you get the point. she never even tells him to stop, she doesnt have to scream, or hurt him, or anything. just please, please tell them to stop hurting me. i still take care of him. i take care of him when she takes 20 fucking benadryl and passes out for the full time shes at home between shifts. i sacrificed my education to "help her" take care of him. and she gets mad at me when i parent him, when i tell him off, or even more mad when i have to cry and beg him to stop hurting me. she says "youre 22 years old, get a grip" when im covered in bruises from the 5 year old "hes five!" she will scream when i tell her he hurts me. "he is five, hes supposed to listen to you" i said once, and she just stared at me. im always fucking things up, she never fails to let me know, when she looks at me like that i know its my fault. i cant even begin on my relationship, i shouldnt, he might see this. i just want to give up, im so tired of caring, i want to let it all go. my dog died, i ruined him too, i couldnt take him to the vet i couldnt help him. hes gone because i failed. my baby, im not saying that in the cringy melinial way, he saved me from suicide. so many times, it was "hell be so confused why im gone..", "hes gonna miss me", "whos gonna take care of him?" but now hes gone and im still here. my baby, is gone and im so selfishly still here. why wouldnt she let me get a job? i couldve taken him, i couldve at least got him put down so he didnt have to suffer in his favourite spot on my bed till his kidneys put him down for us. if i didnt know, my boyfriend would kill himself too when he comes home from classes tomorrow, and i was dead, i would take the entire 160 count bottle of benadryl i stole from moms room. i want to see my baby, he never ever missed on helping me, i owe him my life and couldnt even give him that when he passed. but not for lack of trying.

but even so, i dont feel hopeless. maybe only yearning, but it feels enough like hope. when i use my right hand to stroke my left cheek and neck, it almost feels like someone else. i get a glimmer of a thought, "one day, i wont have to beg to be taken care of. someone will do it because they want to.", but still, it hurts worse. i dont know how i can possibly derive so much gut wrenching pain from that little bit of hope, but i do. and still, i cant help myself, i cant blame anyone else. i can only hope someone will come save me. if i could handle this all on my own, i wouldnt be here typing this.

i want to decompose.

writing this after that monster of a textblock in the tags, but if you were wondering. im not exaggerating about the mess, and i wouldnt normally judge. because i have had worse bedrooms, mental illness is a bitch. but its in the common area, and she absolutely does make the 5yo live in it. she moved out to the living room after their room was too trashed for her to even walk in, so she toated her 50" fucking tv right out there and hasnt moved, accept to go to work, since. everyone pray or cross your fingers or send me some good energy to hope she gets sliced into a million pieces at work instead of accidentally oding on bennies so i can raise my brother with her life insurance money.

[maliciousmalfeasance]

can't believe i have to wait til jan at the earliest to find out if i have the scary disease that causes silent heart attacks that i tick almost every symptom of..... if i die between now and then im going to haunt my doctors so hard

[eliasorchard]

OKAY. so you know about me going to my dream uni and major right???? the problem is. in high school, at least in my country, we are all already divided into to specific studies, science math and social studies. so if you’re studying social studies, that’s all you’ll learn for three years, no science whatsoever. the problem is, i was in social studies then i suddenly wanted to be a scientist and change studies to science math which i have zero knowledge of it…

ITS A BOLD MOVE TRUST ME I KNOW but i jst cant see myself going through social studies major and have a career in one… i wanted to be a scientist. i worked hard to get in, and im in my dream major now. that’s what i wanted.

the only problem is that i’m afraid, you know? im the only one who has zero knowledge of science and math among my peers and im just… scared. obv i have already think through of all the risk and sacrifices whilst making this major decision, im fully aware that i have to study harder and basically learn everything from literal ZERO and i don’t mind, in fact, im excited.

despite all of that, still doesnt change the fact that im scared. what if i cant do it? what if it all will end up in vain? what if all of my sacrifices turned out to be useless? :(

thank you so much for listening to my rant, al.

oh chu :(( it's okay to feel that way, your feelings are completely valid and understandable. will it make you feel better if i say i've had somewhat similar experiences? it happened to me when i first chose law as my major, so i can somewhat guess what it must be like.

i didn't change my course of study like you did, of course. which is very, very, VERY impressive and was super courageous of you by the way. being in an unfamiliar environment is scary, it's true. the nervousness or anxiety you're feeling is also absolutely normal chu, given the significant transition you're facing and all. it's a big thing.

also, i want you to understand that you haven't done anything wrong or chosen the wrong major or made the wrong decision or anything like that

it's going to be hard at first, that much is guaranteed with your background being different from the rest, but it's not your fault and i don't want you beating yourself up over that. i guarantee you as someone with similar experiences, it will get better. i once read something that said something along the lines of "not treating yourself as a failure when/if your future is delayed by circumstances that aren't in your hands" and i think it might resonate with you

your peers are there to help you, and so are your professors — the university wants you to succeed. there will be resources you can research, friends that will assist you and professors that will answer any queries you have. you're ready to put in more work and do your research, that's all that counts. you're putting in effort and you're trying, some don't even do that and im very proud of you for taking this leap. i hope you'll try and see you're as brilliant as i see you

trust yourself, you've got this. i believe in you. just take it one step at a time, make sure to take breaks so to not overwork or burn yourself out and don't hesitate to reach out for support ANY time you need it. you'll do wonderfully.

[medusa-was-innocent]

Wow this sucks

[youngpeachenthusiast]

once again gripping the bathroom sink repeating to myself that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and it is not the solution i will be using today

[gayvampyr]

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