#go die in the bathroom and try not to wake up your mom because it's midnight

[butnobodycame627]

hhhhhhh I can't have nice things

[this-is-moony-lovegood]

Just watched a buddie edit to Call Your Mom by Noah Kahan, and I’m sitting here thinking of a plot line where Buck goes by himself to get Chris.

Like Eddie is suffering back in LA and Buck is like fuck it I’m bringing Chris home because Eddie doesn’t deserve this shit. So he gets in his Jeep and he drives 800 miles to El Paso and he shows up at Helena and Ramon’s house to get Christopher. And Helena and Ramon try to fight him on this of course and Buck is chewing them out for trying to keep Chris even thought this was supposed to be temporary and all they’re doing is pushing the narrative that Eddie’s a shitty father and that Chris should stay in El Paso permanently. And Chris wakes up and sees Buck and rushes out to him and is so scared he’s here alone because Eddie is hurt or dead, and Buck just tells him that Eddie is physically okay but it’s time for Chris to come home. Buck tells him that even if he isn’t ready to stay at the Diaz house that he can stay at the loft with him, or Buck will move into the Diaz house to be a barrier if that’s what Chris wants but he needs to be back in LA. Obviously Buck is desperate but he’s also being parental, and Chris immediately goes to pack his shit so they can go home. Once against Helena and Ramon try to fight him on it, but Buck whips out the will card and says that even if Eddie is “unfit to be a parent right now” like they say, that responsibility actually goes to Buck not them and they have a problem with that they can contact his lawyer who will promptly tell them to “fuck off”.

Then, you get the drive back to LA where Chris and Buck have a full on heart to heart about Eddie. Buck talks to Chris about how his dad knows he messed up and has been trying to work on himself to fix it, but he can’t get any better with Chris if Chris isn’t willingly to put in the effort on his end. And a Chris talks about his grief over his mom and how that’s something he thought he could handle until little things keep pulling him back in like the dating plot in season 7, and obviously the Kim situation. So, Buck suggests they go the route of talking about Shannon and what Chris remembers so they spend some time talking about her in the car. The talk about her leaving (on her own and her death), and how no one will ever replace her in his life (and how he feels like his dad has been trying to do that when he dates, but all it doesn’t bring up more trauma when they break up and they leave). “I wish dad could see that he doesn’t need to replace mom in my life. I already have two parents: dad and you.” To which Buck has to pull the car over because he’s gonna lose it at his kid calling him a parent for the first time. “You, me, and dad are already a family. Why can’t both of you just understand that the three of us is all we need?” Which gets them on the topic of implying that Buck and Eddie would be dating/married for it to solely be the three of them (and a reminder that Buck has a boyfriend), to which Chris just tells him that he already knows they’re in love with each other, so why can’t they be honest about it and have dad stop dating women and Buck break up with Tommy. Which has Buck’s head spinning because, “your dad is straight, Chris” to which Chris says, “So were you four months ago, Buck. Look what happened?” And now Buck is spiraling once again because holy shit he’s in love with Eddie and maybe, just maybe Eddie’s in love with him too.

When they stop for a bathroom break Buck calls and breaks up with Tommy. Tommy knows exactly what’s happening the moment he answers, and tells him it was only a matter of time until Buck figured it out.

They get back to LA and pull up to the Diaz house. Eddie hasn’t heard from Buck is like four days so he’s been worrying because he called out of work and he never does that, but all of his words die on his tongue the moment he sees Chris. And Chris, who has barely spoken to him in the past four months barrels his way into Eddie’s arms. And Eddie breaks down crying at getting his son back. “What are you doing here? How are you here?” And Chris replies with, “Buck came and got me. He told me it was time to come home.” And Eddie just takes a moment to think that over, lets Chris go and throws himself into Buck’s arms for a massive hug. And Eddie is practically sobbing into his chest repeating “thank you” on a loop. And Buck who is an empathetic crier, just tells him, “you know I’d do anything for our family, Eds.”

They don’t kiss or anything, but Buck and Chris make eye contact over Eddie’s shoulder with a silent agreement that they’re going to figure this out. And when Eddie is ready, the three of them are going to officially be a family.

[earlgaylatte]

How to Empathize with the Sad Tboy who Lives in the Dorm Across From Yours-

1) Shed everything, from the seatbelt wrapped around your core to the sheets on your childhood bed. When the sun rises in the morning and peppers your face with kisses, draw the curtains and block him out. Believe what the media says about transness, that it is a life of absence.

2) Start practicing constant fear. Wake up with shaking hands and looming dread laying over you like a blanket. Check the news. Don't check the news. Prepare to carry the burden of every sixteen year old killed in the nearest big city, even when the police say it was a suicide. Check the news. Watch the murders slowly get closer to your home.

3) Put wrapping paper up over your mirrors because you can no longer bear the sight of yourself. If anyone asks why you aren't eating or showering, make something up. Fill your stomach on the feeling of shame.

4) Daydream that you were born a boy. Replace all your childhood memories with this version of you. Your father is still around, and he's carrying the precious little boy he's raising up to bed. His feet are nimbly dodging toy trucks and legos, and in the morning, he'll wake you up to scrambled eggs and little sips of his coffee. When he talks about you with his new family, he'll say, "That's my son," instead of "Pass me the bottle."

5) When your mom starts catching on, try to ignore the sobbing you hear from her bedroom, her shaking voice begging the pastor of your church to make sense of it. Don't knock and try to comfort her. Don't acknowledge how icy your stepfather has become, how often he seems to be accessing your masculinity and finding you lacking. And whatever you do, don't start trying to track down your father, who must've seen some ghost of it on you when he left.

6) When the church gathers around you in a circle, rebuking the boyhood they call demons, don't flinch. Don't cry either. Just clutch the baggy flannel you're wearing around you tighter, like a fabric hug could heal the fractures of your soul.

7) Don't call that church a cult, even if it was. Don't go back to it, either.

8) When you get older, stand in the bathroom with scissors, hair dye, and a promise. Slowly shape yourself into something you can recognize, soft waves of hair falling into the sink. When you see yourself again, it will be a disaster. But it will feel like being whole.

9) When your mom says that the HRT will kill you, when your stepdad says that the HRT will kill your mom, don't let it under your skin like the other cruelties. Don't trade a full life for conditional familiarity, some semblance of holiness, and no sense of self.

10) Instead, tell them that you want to live long enough to tell your story. Tell them if you die, it will be in a blaze of glory: god's gift of creation is told in the generational echoes of people like us.

[idontplaytrack]

eii, this is a bit different but can you do a regina X janis X reader where the reader is Regina's little sister and she's acting different until one day at school janis and regina see someone bullying her because they saw her throwing up in the bathroom (she had bulimia and was hiding it from them) so they help her and take her home?

✧ Try to stop the feeling

Janis ‘Imi’ike x Regina George + little sister reader

Warnings: coarse language, bullying, mentions/some descriptions of an eating disorder. Reader discretion advised.

“y/n!” Regina hollers, knocking on your bedroom door loudly. Obnoxiously loud.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing mom. Just that y/n’s not up yet and we’re gonna be late.” Regina scoffs.

“Open the door and go wake her up.” June shrugs.

“Ugh.” Regina groans, “Fine. I’m coming in, y/n.” The blonde opens the door, walking in to see you still asleep, under the covers, back facing her.

“y/n, come on. Get up, let’s go.” Regina sat down by you, hand on your back.

“I’m not going.” You mumble, Regina glares at June. ‘Hello?!’ She mouths to her.

“Honey, what’s the matter?” June asks, entering your room too.

“Nothing. I’m just fucking tired, Mom. Let me skip for one day. I’m not gonna die if I miss a day of school.” You snapped.

June stares at you, wide eyed, a little startled. “Huh. Okay, okay, sure. Yeah, you just rest up today. Regina, you go ahead.”

“Alright, then.” Regina shrugs, leaving for school without a second thought. “Bye, silly.”

You groaned, covering a pillow cover your head. Regina looks over her shoulder, biting back a smile. Her brows were furrowed together in worry, that your refusal to go to school was more than just you being tired.

On her way to school, Regina stops by Janis’ to pick her up— as usual. Every weekday morning, for the past half a year, like clockwork. “Hey, Jay.”

“Hi, Gina.” Janis grins, getting into the front passenger seat and shutting the door. “Where’s…where’s y/n?”

Regina sighs, shrugging, “Didn’t want to get up this morning. Then she snapped, saying she was tired so mom let her skip today.”

“Oh.”

“Actually, I’m pretty worried. She’s never done this— ever.” Regina admits quietly, “Like, what if— what if something’s going on that we don’t know about?”

“Well, we’ll keep an eye on things at school. You know? Pay closer attention to the people around her, see what they’re doing, hear what they’re saying.”

Regina sighs, “Yeah, I guess. Hey, what if I just talked to her?”

“I mean, you and y/n are very close. She might open up to you about it, but we have no idea what it is yet. So how about we observe for today what’s going on at school, then you decide?”

Regina nodded her head in agreement, then the rest of the ride was silent, but comfortable. The couple was then separated by a few classes before then met up again for lunch. Regina waits for Janis by the lockers right next to the classroom she’d be in before lunch break. Arms crossed, she was leaning against the metal just looking around at nothing in particular. Until, some little girl, a freshman said your name and Regina’s ears perked up. Blinking profusely, trying to focus.

“I know, ugh. Thank god she isn’t here today.” The girl laughs, “Finally we don’t have to hear her throwing up when. we go to the bathroom.”

Two other girls beside that one, agreed, laughing and nodding, mocking you— making gagging noises, pretending to stick their finger into their mouths. Instantly, the anger in Regina surfaced. Her fists were balled together, her nostrils flared as she approached the trio. “Keep my sister’s name out of your damn mouths. You’re new here, focus on not failing your classes, kids.”

The three of them were caught so off-guard but tried very poorly to hide it behind a bitchy demeanour. Something Regina herself knew all too well. “Oh, Regina. There you are.” Janis came up to them, “What’s up?”

“Oh, not much just managed to figure out just how fucked up these kids are.” Regina snarled, “Leave her alone. Focus on your own miserable lives, work on yourselves. You’ll never make it in the real world like this. They’ll chew you up and spit you out, you’ll be begging to be freed.”

“Whatever. I hope she dies. Unlike you, she’s fat, and ugly and stupid. And a slut.”

“Enough is enough.” Regina spat, each word laced with venom.

“Regina, let’s go.” Janis places a hand on her shoulder, firmly, “Let’s go.”

Regina exhales, giving the girls one last glare before leaving with the brunette before she completely blew her top.

“The girl said y/n’s been making herself sick. I can’t believe I never noticed. Even they heard her. We live in the same house, but I never—”

“Is she seeing anyone?”

“Huh—”

“Like, a therapist.” Janis continued.

“I mean, yes. She has been since mom and dad got divorced but I don’t know if she’s actually going?”

“What?”

“My mom’s the one who takes her usually. Sometimes, she says she’ll go on her own, so I don’t know if she actually shows up or skips. Or if she’s lying during her sessions.”

This whole situation weighed on both Regina and Janis’ minds. But they didn’t have the heart to bring it up, worried that you would get so upset and shut them out completely. They made it through the day, Regina arrived home with your favourite food after June texted that you didn’t want to eat. Regina was hoping you would eat at least some of it, but was also highly aware of the fact that she had to keep an eye on you after you ate so you didn’t do it.

God, she cannot even bring herself to say it. Regina just couldn’t.

“y/n?” Regina knocks your door gently, “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” You told her, and she does, walking inside with a familiar paper bag.

“I brought you some lunch.” Regina sat down on the floor with you, you look up from your sketchbook, “I’ll eat with you.”

A quiet sigh falls from your lips, “So you know?”

“Yes.” Regina answered honestly, “I’m not gonna judge you, I get it. I also…I also struggle with that sometimes. It’s difficult, but we can’t give up and let those people who don’t know us, don’t understand anything affect us. I know it’s way deeper than that, I don’t know your reasons— heck, I don’t even know all pf the reasons why I do that. But you gotta take care of yourself. Sometimes we try and we try and we try to do whatever we can to stop the feeling of guilt, of disgust, anxiety…anything. But at the end of the day? Taking good care of yourself, your mind…your body. That’s the most important thing. Keep going to therapy no matter how hard it is, confront the problem, work through it.”

“Thanks, G.” You finally made eye contact with her, closing the book and slowly pushing it away, “I…I’m not ready to talk to you about why. But I— I have been going to therapy still for dealing with Mom and Dad’s divorce and some other existing issues, but not this— I will, though. bring this up at my next appointment. I’ve been trying so hard not to do it but sometimes I lose control of what I’m thinking and it just…happens.”

“y/n, I get that feeling. But don’t let it be all you feel. Try and remember that.” She rubs your back, “Don’t cry, okay?”

You nod, wiping your tears away, “Thanks for hearing me out. I’m sorry you—”

“It’s okay.” She assured, “I’m working on it. Here, Mom says you hadn’t had lunch yet, I got your favourite sub from the place we used to go to with Nana.”

Smiling softly, you took the wrapped up sandwich from your sister and carefully opened it up to take a bite. Regina dug into her food as well.

“Who else knows?” You asked quietly.

“I was waiting for Janis outside her classroom before we went to lunch together. Those girls walked by and started saying crap, I told them off and that was when Janis showed up. I did tell her, but nothing explicit. She knows about me, and she’s had her own struggles with similar things so gets it. No judgement. You’re safe with us.”

The next day, you felt okay enough to go to school. Saying goodbye to your mom, you left the house with Regina, picking up Janis along the way. “Hi, you.” Janis smiled when she saw you. You waved as she got into the front seat, “Hey, Jan.”

School went by arguably fine once you tuned out the chatter and solely focused on your classes. Until, it didn’t. You ran into them again while on your way to gym class and they stopped you. “What’s the matter? Couldn’t stand up for yourself and had to let your sister do it for you?”

“Piss off, Winnie. None of your business. Leave me alone.”

“It is when you’re throwing up in the school bathroom letting everyone wait for a stall. And hear that disgusting noise from your disgusting behaviour.”

Your breath gets caught in your throat and you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. ‘Don’t engage with them anymore, y/n. Walk away.’ You thought to yourself.

Attempting to push past them, they only pushed you back harder. You stumbled like two steps back but didn’t fall. They laugh anyway, finding it to be the funniest thing ever.

“y/n, I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Janis. Thank God. The girls were terrified of Janis and you’ve just found that out. Perfect.

You turned around, jogged towards her and asked her what was wrong. “Nothing.” She chuckles, “Gina says we’re cutting school.”

“Huh?” You looked at her, puzzled.

“We’re cutting school, come on. She’s waiting for us in the car.” Janis says, taking you by the hand and quickly leading you to Regina’s Jeep.

“Why are we—”

“Had enough of those fuckers badmouthing my girls. I wasn’t gonna put up with that anymore today. So we’re going out, we’re gonna have the time of our lives and just, relax.”

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭A/N:

This one was pretty short…I apologise but I hope I did your request justice!

[lalalian]

things you have to script if you're shifting to my aethergarde academy dr

date: september 14, 2024

aethergarde academy = my dragon rider academy dr

i may update this, if I do I'll let you know in this little boxed off section!

things you should script

"I do not ever get motion sick, especially when I ride dragons."

I scripted this even though I can ride rollercoasters just fine, but yk dragons don't fly around like a plane, do they? I imagine that many dragons would absolutely mess you up when you fly with them for the first time just to fuck with you out of excitement.

"I never fall into the ocean. Nothing can drag me into the ocean, especially on dragonback."

definitely not for plot reasons................... just know you're supposed to travel around in secret. I hate the ocean honestly (let's ignore that I'm making a mermaid kingdom dr), but don't think that the only things that live in the ocean in this DR are little baby axolotls and rainbow fish.

"my bangs don't mess up my vision or bother me while fighting."

actually I did have a rule in aethergarde's handbook (not finished with it yet, sorry yall) that specifically says that you cannot have a haircut that messes with your fighting ability, but like... bangs are so cute...

"the appearance of monsters do not scare me."

uh so idk if you're a pussy, but I do know I am, so

"proper plumbing exists, drinking water is clean and sanitary; there are significant studies in childbirth, because of this, mothers typically do not die from childbirth and childbirth isn’t painful due to proper birthing practices and tonics that alleviate pain."

I watched house of dragons. No mom should ever be cut open without some sort of anesthesia to give birth to a baby.

"dragon riders get discounts, the higher the ranking, the better the discount."

bc yes.

“I can read cursive handwriting.”

You will have to constantly write in cursive too btw. Maybe I should do a handwriting claim post…

“my keystone never malfunctions."

Keystones are basically your school ID; you use it to get in and out of Aethergarde, get discounts outside of Aethergarde, check in and out of your dorm, check out books from Aethergarde's personal library, and honestly it's a status symbol. You absolutely do not want your keystone to malfunction!

“I never get sunburnt."

You can either script this or always carry a sun protectant charm! Poor Miaene, flying really does a number on your skin so do make sure (or just script it) your skin stays healthy.

"If I can't get into my leathers, I can fight well no matter what clothes I'm wearing."

Leathers = clothes you wear in any class that requires you to fight. I'll cover this topic in my post about protective wear!

"I never smell like horse shit or dragon shit."

Just in case, yk.

"my dragon practices proper bathroom practices, this includes shitting/pissing in the proper places and not on me or my stuff; my dragon never smells like shit; my dragon's asshole is never caked in shit."

speaking of which... how would a dragon clean their ass... I'm just going to assume they always shit cleanly like dogs. EW IMAGINE HOW BIG THEIR SHITS WOULD BE. Actually don't do that. I had to include 'my dragon doesn't poop/pee on my stuff or me' bc my dog... likes to do that. okay well he doesn't necessarily pee on my stuff, but he used to have this thing where he'd pee on things he was frustrated with, which ALWAYS entailed a gate. Since he's a big boy now, he doesn't do that anymore, but yall don't fucking coddle puppies 24/7 like I did... I literally had to wake up every morning or get up in the middle of the night to mop/clean up dog piss.

"I will pass my glyph classes."

I'm already melting at the thought of glyph class.

"my dragon or other dragons don't try to destroy the school."

Just in case yall. Just in case.

"I never get shat on."

Dragons aren't supposed to shit mid air unless they're over an ocean, but yk just in case. Yes there are strict laws against this practice, and if your dragon is found doing this, you will have to pay a hefty fine + your flying license will be restricted for a certain period of time.

"dragons generally don't smell like shit like horses do."

Sorry, there's a lot of stuff about poop. Poop is gross okay..

wanna know more about my aethergarde academy dr? here's a masterlist with everything I've posted about it!

[satlun]

The Deep End | John Constantine x you

Genre: heavy angst, emotional hurt

Trigger Warnings: depression, committing suicide, death of y/n’s mother, blood, divorce, emotional hurt and supernatural

Summary: just take his hand and let go of your guilt

A/n: As you see at the trigger warnings, this fiction is quite sensitive. The death part is the main point of this plot as well, so it is important to have it. I’m really concerned about this one. So, if it might make you feel uncomfortable in any way please skip it. Don't read. Even if it's just fiction, I don't want to hurt your feelings that much. So, your consumption, your own choice and responsibility. Lastly, English isn't my first language

Army Dreamers (Instrumental) by Kate Bush

…

For twelve years since you lost your beloved mother, she died from committing suicide in the bathtub back in December, 1993. You are an only child who grew up with her alone, without knowing your real father since he left your mother before you even saw the world. Your mother was a strong woman, she could handle things really well as a single mother. She always kept things in her mind without telling you anything, made everything feel alright as if this was a perfect life until one night when you arrived home later than usual because you hung out with your friends earlier. For five times that you called her and there was no any sign of her answering at all. You walked around the house from the living room to the bed room before stopping at the bathroom door. “Mom? Are you here?” You called her before slowly opening the door since there was no one to answer.

You collapsed on the bathroom floor with an unbelievable expression on your face. She was dead, already dead. No sigh of breath since her red blood flew down from her wrists to the floor which became red all over the room. You screamed her name out loud as if you were going to die from it, both hands of you reached out her face which rested on the edge of the bathtub. As if she was sleeping, having a sweet dream with the fact that she wouldn't wake up anymore. She was pulled into your embrace as your heart sank into the deepest pain. She is gone and she won't come back anymore, no matter how hard you try, it's impossible.

For years you have blamed yourself for her death. Perhaps, she wouldn't die if you just came home earlier for an hour, just an hour would be enough for saving her in time. You have felt the pressure of guilt in your mind, weighing heavily in the bottom of your heart for not asking her if she was alright, for assuming that everything was perfect all the time, for not knowing that she went to the therapy every Friday. You blame everything that makes your beloved mother die, but you blame yourself the most. Back then, it wasn't easy for an eighteen-year-old-girl to handle this kind of thing alone. You felt so lost after her death since she was the only one you have in your entire life. You didn't expect this before, you thought you were going to get older with her, but no. The dream was ruined by only one night that you came home late. You lived your life as the world was going to end every night, your heart sank as you cried out loud alone in your bed. All you wanted was someone to hug you, a big hug to embrace you until the grief was gone but the fact that there was no one there for you when you cried your heart out.

The scars slowly fade when you get older. However, they're still leaving marks on you. The pain becomes part of yourself as you live your daily life. However, it's not as bad as it used to be and you think that you're good at handling it now. Your mother never made you feel like you really want someone, she didn't teach you that maybe it was better to have someone by your side. Not only now but also when you get older. So, your whole life was you alone with the pain that weighed in your mind. You didn't realise that you wanted anyone to be by your side since you believed that you could handle it better than before. Until one day you met a guy named John.

John slowly comes into your life until he becomes a part of you. As if he has been the other half you always find, the missing half that has been lost until now. Since then, he has always been the only person you can rely on. As if he is a big tree for you to sit under on a rainy day, for you to hide and relax. To make you feel that the rain isn't that bad if you have a big tree for you to stay under. The grief of your mother's death slowly fades away from your mind. The weight that was heavy earlier seems to be lifted and lighter. In the meantime, when your grief fades away every day as the time passes and the weight that John helps to lift it up, you barely remember her face anymore. It slowly turns into a blank space on your mother's face from the last memory of you.

…

An apartment in the middle of Los Angeles, California where you settle down with the love of your life, John. The smell of musty and smoke clinging within these walls. The light that can barely reach into the room. The sound of traffic coming from the street. Your memories of him and you start here, in this old apartment.

The mattress was subsided by the presence of the both of you. You are sitting on the edge, having a conversation with him under the dim lights. Today is the day your mother died twelve years ago. You will never forget it. You went to her grave earlier in the morning with John. You also brought her favourite flowers there, for her to hold in another life. You feel more emotional than usual tonight, since the atmosphere is dark and humid. It reminds you of the old days when you stayed alone in your room, crying so loudly but no one heard.

Your hands are placed on the mattress while your eyes are on the bedroom floor which is old and stained. “I miss her, John…” Your soft light voice makes John worry about you. “Can I see her? I need to see her… please…” Your gaze turns to his direction, he is already staring at you with an expression of worry and sorry for your pain. You are not asking, instead you are begging him to see her again since her face slowly fades away from your memory.

John pulls you closer to give you an embrace, a warm embrace that makes you feel better in this atmosphere. “Are you sure?” He says softly to your ear as you bury your face on his shoulder. The smell of him makes you feel comfortable and relaxed. “It means you will see her–” Going to hell is like going back to your bad memories. You will see the scene once again when you should forget about it all. He doesn't want to hurt you by your own decision that he supports.

“I know…” You interrupted him with your eyes that were on his face. “I will be back before she does. Please…” Your teary eyes that are looking at him makes him feel weak and vulnerable. His hands trace down to your back, rubbing it for a moment before losing in his thoughts. He doesn't want you to go at all because its consequences are not easy for you to handle with your vulnerable self.

Finally, he speaks. “You do this, there's no turning back.” He is trying his hardest to explain that it's totally a bad idea. If you go to hell once, your life will be changed forever. “You see them… they see you. Understand?” Tears running down your cheeks as you look at him with hope in your eyes.

“Yeah… if that can make me see her again…” You said it desperately. That's all you want right now, he can sense that. Since you insist on going then he has no choice but to go with you, to assure that you will be alright and come back on time.

“I’m going with you.” He hates this part the most, going to hell is like going to a nightmare but he loves you more than anything else. He can't just let you go to a place like that alone. Never.

Your cold hands reach out to his hands and hold them tightly. “You don't have to do that… really.” You know how much he hates that part. He always tells you about it and when he comes back to this world, his body and his skin is hot as if they are burning under his flesh. You hate to see him like that as well because he looks painful.

“I will. To make sure that you will leave on time. I don't want you to see that again.” The love of you both fight for each other. He doesn't want you to go alone since it is a terrible place. Meanwhile, you don't want him to go either because you know well that he hates it and you don't want to see him like that anymore.

John insists no matter how hard you try to make him stay here. He really doesn't want to let you go alone, he is worried about you so much that it can be seen on his face. His face is usually hard to read but this time it's really clear.

...

He leads you to the bathroom before opening the faucet to let the water fill the bathtub. It made you think about the first time you told him about your mother's death. He insisted on removing the bathtub off of the apartment. However, you rejected it. The main reason for that is, you want to create a better memory of it. So, you both usually take a bath in this bathtub together, spending time in there talking, kissing for an hour. It helps you feel better about the bathtub than you actually thought. Your good memories of you and him are in here, actually every corner of the apartment. It is your home that is full of love from him. The apartment might look lonely to the outsider, but for you it's not at all. The love from you both makes this old apartment feel special, feel comforted.

His hand closed the faucet since the water fills the bathtub already. John faces you as you take off your tee except your underwear. “Do I have to take the rest of my clothes off or can I leave them on?” You asked while you were busy sliding your shirt off. His gaze is on you, he seems more worried than before. He is quiet as if there are many thoughts in his mind. It is dangerous, you know. But as long as he is here with you, nothing scares you anymore.

“On is fine.” He grabs your shirt before putting it down somewhere in the bathroom. Your feet slowly get into the bathtub before sitting down in the cold water. He walks over to the bathtub without his shirt on. He took it off earlier. You move for him a little so he can get into the same bathtub with you.

As he sits down with the same expression on his face. Your mouth is about to say that it's alright to let you do it alone but then he interrupts before you can speak. “Come here.” He said as you moved closer to him. His arm constantly wraps around your back while the other hand is placed on the back of your head. His hot breath gently brushes on your shoulder. The silence slowly becomes clearer. His warm touch tightens your skin. “Do you trust me?” You don't see his face but there is a hint of worry.

Of course, you trust him with all your heart. “I do…” You're not sure why he even asked that. Your arms slowly wrap around his shoulders before tightening your embrace. There is pause after the word. You can't read him anymore since you don't see his face or any signs of his emotions. The water is still around you and him, this moment is peaceful and quiet.

“Take a deep one.” His low voice broke the silence that slowly formed earlier. Before you can even ask him further, he already leans your back down to the water, putting your head down to the bottom of the bathtub. The second before you nose down to the water, you take a deep breath like he said.

The silence under water is louder than before. His face is now under the water as well. You can't hear anything except the sound of water flowing around you both bodies. His face is away from yours, you can't see him. You blink your eyes slowly without any clue how it's going to happen or to end. How long you have to stay under the water. John didn't explain about it.

His body is close to you while you're in his embrace. He stays still like a statue which sinks down to the ocean. The bubbles slowly come out from your nostril, the air in your lungs is almost out. How long is it going to take? You think. There's no sign of him bringing you up to the surface while the water slowly makes you feel like you're suffocating. It's like you're drowning to the deep end of the ocean. Silent and also dark since your eyes are closed in order to maintain your calm, to control your breath.

You're drowning, that's what your brain reminds you. Both of your hands grab the edge of the pool to bring yourself up to the surface but he doesn't let you. His shoulder blocks your body from moving to the surface. You feel like you're dying. Perhaps, you're going to die. However, the thought was kicked away since your heart trusts him. You trust him with all your life, he wouldn't let you die like this. Why would he even do that? Your mouth is open as if you want to scream but you can't, it's like you're in a dream where you want to call out for help but there's no voice coming from your mouth. Your hands constantly grab everything around and even try to push his body away. How could he still stay still as if you're the only one who is about to be out of breath.

The water spreads around the bathtub, making the bathroom floor wet. You're dying, dying in a bathtub like your mother. Your head starts to rerun all the memories you have in your life since you were born. This is a sign of people who are going to die, you read about it once on the internet. Your memories rerun from the start when you first time open your eyes to this world, it keeps rerunning your memories really fast, you barely catch them until the last scene stops at the bathroom where your mother died, the scene where grabs the knot and about to walk in. The silence completely dominates you, you can't hear anything, not even the water. Your head is blank like a white paper. The world seems slower. His touch slowly fades from you as if your body is about to fall asleep forever.

…

Hot breeze hits your face, that is when your consciousness is back. You're not drowning anymore, you're completely in hell.

Your eyes look around there to see what it's like in hell, you haven't been here before of course, and you don't want to be here forever either. Things around you are familiar unless it's like an apocalypse version of the world where you come from.

The smell is obviously not usual, it's like the smell of Sulfur and burning. Your eyes keep looking around, losing in your thoughts before John interrupts you. Your consciousness snaps back to reality, you finally recognize the place.

The sight in front of you is the old house where you lived before the incident. You haven't visited here until now. It looks almost the same as your last memory. Your heart is pounding faster, you're not sure if this dreads you or terrorises you. The touch of his hand makes you feel safer since he notices your expression. “If you change your mind–”

“I’m gonna be alright, John.” You gave him a quick smile before walking into the house with him. John knows damn well that you're not alright, even the quick smile of you for trying to make him feel better. He didn't say anything except follow you into the house. He hasn't seen them before and only has heard about it from your story.

As the door opens, you can hear the sound of growling from the outside. John hears it too, so he shuts the door as your eyes notice many ugly creatures outside, slowly crawling to both of you. Maybe, you should hurry. John doesn't have to tell you because you can see his expression which is worrying about the creatures very clearly. Even if you have no idea how those creatures can harm you, it would be a good idea if you leave here as fast as possible.

The door was shut and the sound of someone walking makes you turn back. It's her, your beloved mother. She's walking into the living room, perhaps this is the moment before she commits suicide. As you follow her and notice her reaction, you can see that her walking seems a bit stumbling. Her hands trace on the walls around her as if she wants to balance herself. Your eyebrows frown as your eyes start tearing. You didn't know that she had medicine until you saw her open the drawer. She grabs some medicine before taking them all in once without sipping water. Her hands are also shaking a bit while she grabs a picture of you. Her finger tracing your picture with love as her eyes are full with tears.

“I’m sorry, sweet pea… but mama can't handle it anymore… it keeps… getting worse… mama can't fight with it… so don't blame yourself, honey… it's not your fault at all.” She kisses and places the picture of you down to the cabinet as her body almost collapses on the floor. John tightens your hand since he sees you cry. You never knew that her symptoms are worse like this, you had no idea. You immediately wrap around him as he holds you into his chest. He hates to see you like this but it doesn't help.

Your mother slowly walks into the bathroom with an expression which is hard to understand. You don't know what she is thinking, her face is too emotionless to find any emotion on it. It's scary how fast her mood changes. You decide to follow her into the bathroom while you're under his embrace.

She gets into the bathroom while you both are standing at the door. The same feeling hits your head, the same standing position where you see her dies, the same crying you had when you saw her. Her hand grabs a blade nearby as the sound of the creature destroys the door and walks in echoing from the front door. Your eyes look over there while your mother cuts her wrist. John sees it now, the incident that always haunts you, he blocks you from the scene immediately. As your eyes turn to his direction, he can see that you're hurt, hurt from the inside. Your tears don't stop flowing down your cheeks. “Let’s go now.” He grabs your hand while the creatures almost catch you.

…

Suddenly, your vision turns to darkness. Only in a second before you can hear the sound of water again. The loud gasp comes out of your mouth, you finally reach to the surface of the bathtub. Water spreads all over the room. Your body is hot like hell, as if it's burning from the inside. John immediately pulls you into his arms, wrapping around you, trying to comfort you while you're crying out loud. You're not sure if you're crying of your mother or the feeling of skin burning from the inside. You breathe heavily as you cry your heart out. Both of your arms unintentionally wrap around him before you rest your head on his shoulder. “You're here.” John kisses your temple and rubs your back gently. “You're back.” His soft voice can really make your heartbeat slower.

A moment of staying in the position, trying to calm yourself down. Your head can't stop thinking about what you just saw earlier, you just know what happened before she died. You just know that she always loves you and she didn't mean to leave you alone at all but she just can't fight with her depression anymore. She tried her hardest, that's what you believe. And the fact that she said it is not your fault at all, she said as if you would know. And what if you didn't meet John what's it going to be? You would live with guilt until death takes you. You would blame everything or yourself forever. John is like a key for you to meet the truth, to release you from the darkness that doesn't stop haunts you. “It's not your fault anymore.” John whispered to your ear as his hand didn't stop rubbing on your back. “It's never been your fault…”

The smoke still floats up to the air, but your body seems to be cooler. Your tears start to dry but you don't have a sign to let go of him. You want a hug from him in this situation. It's really hard to forgive and forget when you have always taken them on your shoulder. “Thank you…” Thank you for taking you there to meet her again, to remember her face, to block you from the scene. The blank space of your mother’s face slowly turns to her exact face.

“Don't blame yourself anymore if you really want to thank me.” John made a joke for you, the fact that it always works. His dry sense of humour always makes you smile. Perhaps, it's time to let them go, all your guilt. Then, move on, have a life you want, stop clinging to the past you can't even control. It's time to fully forgive and understand yourself. John is always right here with you, you can even go on easier. Nothing can scare you. He is here, right here, holding you in his arms. “I promise…”

END

…

Inspired by

Like, reblog and comment are appreciated

© SATLUN, 2024

[jxst-m4kiii]

α тαιηтє∂ ƒℓσωєя

Acheron x gn!reader

↳Genre: Angst??

↳Warning: Doesn't make sense.

↳Format: One-shot

↳Word-count: 434

↳A/n: Writing for Acheron while having Isabel LaRosa in the background is so satisfying. Also- Sorry it doesn't really make sense, I'm still trying to get my imagination working.

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴: 16 candles by Isabel LaRosa

Drip

"Where are you?"

Drip

"MOM-!"

Drip

"You bring nothing but death."

Drip

"You didn't save us... You let us die."

Gasp

...

You wake up, eyes opening wide as you sit up in bed with urgency. Clutching your chest and feeling your rapidly beating heart.

'A nightmare... Again.'

You thought, looking to the side. Locating the clock on your nightstand, it reading 3:47 am. It was the third night in a row that you got woken up because of a nightmare. It was always the same one, too.

You sighed, taking a moment before standing up and walking to the bathroom. Turning on lights as you walked past the switches. Once you reached the bathroom, you leaned on the sink, looking at yourself in the mirror. You were a mess, hair disheveled, and clothes wrinkled. You couldn't help but think back at the nightmare. Was it really a nightmare if it was more so based on memories? You didn't know, but you'd call it one anyway. It's been years since you've had a dream, let alone a nightmare. It's also almost been a decade since that happened. The reason for your nightmares and deep-buried hate.

Oh, wait- Penacony... You were in said planet already, right? Right, the Charmony festival is around the corner... you almost forgot. You sighed, splashing cold water on your face as you then walked out of the bathroom. Finally realizing you were in your hotel room, how embarrassing. You decided that you were going out for a walk. Despite the always-busy streets of the Golden Hour, you couldn't bring yourself to complain about the noise. It was rather appreciated right now.

As you walked mindlessly, you came across a woman. She was tall, of fair skin and deep purple hair. She had a red umbrella with herself, despite the fact that the dreamscape had no weather. There was... something off about that woman. It was almost as if she brought you memories, memories that didn't seem to be yours.

Before you even had time to process it, you found yourself walking towards her, tapping her shoulder gently once close enough.

"Excuse me...?"

Your voice seemed to snap her out of her thoughts, or at least you could assume it did, given how she turned around. She didn't speak, simply tilting her head slightly as she scanned your features, almost analyzing you.

Suddenly, she speaks, and you feel your knees going weak. How was she so familiar yet still a stranger to you?

"Have we met before?"

Your heart almost skipped a beat, her voice. That voice.. Her voice.

"Acheron...?"

Made by: @jxst-m4kiii. Please do not repost or claim as your own. All credits for the pictures & dividers to their respective owners.

[seravphs]

ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — DABI x FEM READER

When your boss orders you to commit a heist, you do it. Success is non negotiable, even if your partner is Dabi, you’re breaking into the psychiatric ward his mother is staying in after a mental breakdown, and the man in question is actively trying to dissociate from your task. 

wc — 1.8k

tags — angst but lighthearted moments, reader is way too easy going to be breaking into a psych ward with Dabi, she is stressing that man out, reader has a sleep quirk but it’s not that important, this started as Dabi being jealous of himself as a baby and became something else entirely, title from Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here) by Fall Out Boy 

“Hi, mom,” Dabi says. 

Rei doesn’t say anything in response. She’s asleep. In an effort to respect that, you land light on your feet, shimmying your hips through the window. 

It’s still not good enough for Dabi, who whirls around and hisses, “Quiet!” 

“Jeez, sorry,” you mock whisper back. “It’s not like she’s going to wake up. That’s kind of the whole point of me being here.” 

“Shut up anyway,” he snaps. “Maybe it’s not that you’re loud enough to wake her up. Maybe you’re just annoying. Did you think of that, genius?” 

“Easy, tiger. You’re so easy to rile up.” 

He closes his jaw right as he opens it. You stifle a giggle, knowing that he knows that you know you’ve got him. If he retorts, it’s because you’ve gotten a rise out of him. If he doesn’t say anything, you win. 

An involuntary smile twitches at the corner of his lips, quickly and ruthlessly smothered. 

There’s the prize you were working so hard for. You’re going to pull more of those out of him tonight, by hook or crook. It doesn’t matter how annoying or charming you have to be. 

Shigaraki might have sent you on this mission for your quirk, but you have ulterior motives. Dabi needs a distraction, and you’re happy to be that. 

He doesn’t have to apologize for being irritable, not that he was going to. It’s fine. You’re not going to hold it against him. Mothers are difficult. You get that. 

Dabi huffs in adorable annoyance, the little puff of air blowing his bangs away from his face. He’d be so mad if he knew you thought it was cute, but you know you’ve reached your limit of his patience for the night, so you don’t tell him. It’s hard enough for him to be here. You’re trying to help him, not hurt him. 

“C’mon,” you say soothingly. Part of dealing with Shigaraki for so long is knowing how far you can push someone before an irreparable accident happens. You know exactly how to toe that line, which is invaluable information when it comes to Dabi. “Go get your evidence or whatever. I’ll keep watch.” 

Out of the goodness of your heart, you decide not to bring up the soft rustle of his jacket hitting the air every time he moves. It appeared that the need for subtlety only applied to you, because he had no problem striding around the room in large steps. 

You follow a short distance behind as he ducks into the adjacent bathroom. There’s rustling inside as he rummages through the nothingness, fingers pressing for hidden switches or levers. 

He can’t leave a single stone unturned. It’s that important. Shigaraki said the results of this mission could help take down Endeavor. In other words - don’t fuck it up. 

“Can you breathe more quietly? You’re throwing me off.”

He’s back in the doorway of the bathroom now, breezing past you to return to his search in Rei’s bedroom. Still she dozes, as peaceful as sleeping beauty. 

“Sure, I’ll just die so you can stop being annoyed by the sound of my breaths. Obviously not, Dabi. I kind of need air.” 

He grits his teeth. To anyone else, he’d look like he was enraged. You know he’s trying not to laugh.  

“Stop doing that,” he says, his voice low and strained. 

“What?” You ask innocently. 

“You know what.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you offer his turned back a smile he can’t see. 

“You’re distracting me.” 

“I’m good enough to distract you, Mr. Dabi? What an honor.” 

He doesn’t respond. 

“Dabi?”

He’s not just silent. His entire body is still. 

“Dabi, you’re scaring me.”

“I got it,” he says, and if nothing else his voice is mercifully steady. There’s a slim rectangle in his hands. As you drift closer, it starts to take to shape. 

You peer over his shoulder, looking down on the item he’s holding. It’s a photobook, neat handwriting printed in blocks along the sides. Each picture is painstakingly documented. It’s clearly a labor of love. 

Dabi’s hands smooth over the pages. He’s not wearing gloves. It doesn’t matter if he’s discovered after the fact, because he’ll be long gone. You hold your tongue as he leaves smears on the glossy pictures of bright eyed little boys and their cheerfully smiling sisters. 

He flips through the pages reverently, tracing a path through a family’s history. You spot the infamous Shouto before he had the scar. A toothy grin splits his face in two as he holds up a peony to the camera. A hand only slightly larger cups his face, an older brother, not a father. He’s cute, but you’re looking for someone else. 

Dabi lets you when you reach out and turn a page. Something draws you to the next one, though you can’t explain why. You read the caption. 

“Tou-ya,” you sound out. “Todoroki Touya.” 

Touya startles for just a moment. 

“What a cute kid,” you laugh. “But I’ve had enough of your brothers. Where’s your pictures?”

“That’s not funny,” Dabi says, just enough of an edge in his voice for you to realize how not funny it really is. 

The sick realization hits you like a heart attack. 

Todoroki Touya is Dabi. He used to look like…that. Happy. Sweet. Unscarred. 

Who-

Your heart burns and burns. 

Who could’ve hurt a child badly enough for Dabi to wear the skin he does now? How could they have stomached something like that? 

That split second of vulnerability is all you need to see him torn asunder, the gaping wound of his past bared for you to see. Instantly, it feels too intimate, too soon. 

You don’t really know him well enough for that, and yet, something in you longs to comfort that child. To draw him closer and kiss his sweet-smelling hair, wash the smoke off him. 

You’ve waited too long. Even a second was too much time. That door has closed. Dabi’s face shutters once more, but he’s not angry, just guarded. 

“What?”

“Just- nothing,” you say, lamely. “That’s a, um, a cool book.” 

It’s a stupid diversion, but it doesn’t matter. Neither of you are going to acknowledge this moment again until the far, far future. 

“How cool can it be?” He scoffs, tossing it over his shoulder carelessly. “It’s just a bunch of sentimental old pictures.” 

You don’t miss the way it lands gently back on the table, completely unharmed and so softly it hardly makes a sound. 

“Dabi…” You hesitate, not knowing what to say. 

“Don’t,” he says harshly. It doesn’t scare you. He’s lashing out like a wounded animal backed into a corner - it’s a reaction to the fact that you have the upper hand. 

You don’t want it. Whatever leverage you have over him is useless to you. You’d throw away the ability to hurt him in a heartbeat. You’re not a culture, prowling for easy prey. You’ve never wanted this kind of power over someone. 

The clock ticks, reminding you that this mission has a time limit. Your quirk thrashes in your grip as Rei stirs behind you, but still you hesitate. This is dangerous. You could jeopardize everything if you don’t act, and yet how can you? 

Does anything matter more than the boy you saw then? And what of the boy standing in front of you now? 

In the end, it’s Dabi who’s strong enough to pull himself away. He’s always been capable of the hard tasks no one else was willing to accept. It’s the one thing he learned from Endeavor. 

The moonlight shines through Rei’s window onto his hair as Dabi moves through her room like a ghost. You wrangle your quirk into submission, putting Rei under again. If she woke now, this apparition of her past might scare her. 

Pale light shines over Dabi’s hair and face, making his eyes appear nearly translucent. All color has been washed out of him in the silver glow. He doesn’t hesitate as he pushes himself over the ledge. 

You know you shouldn’t either. Rei isn’t your mother, after all. You don’t know anything about her. 

Still, the handwriting attached to those photos have adhered to your mind. You spare a passing glance for her. When you realize her eyelids are fluttering, you nearly throw yourself out of the window in your terror not to be caught. 

“I got you,” Dabi’s voice cuts through the darkness. He’s caught you by the waist, his other hand wrapped around the tree branch above the one he’s balancing on. 

With his help, you find your own branch to stand on. He lets go of your hand as you stabilize, ducking further into the leaves to camouflage himself. 

Just in time. A light flickers on in Rei’s room.

“Hello, Mrs. Todoroki. How are you feeling tonight?”

“I think I saw my baby,” Rei says softly. “He was here, my little boy.” 

“Uh-huh,” the nurse says, disbelieving but not unkindly. “Time to sit up, dear. You have medicine to take.” 

You see Dabi’s jaw clench nevertheless. His hands tighten into fists. You touch his shoulder lightly, trying not to spook him. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “It’s time to go.” 

He doesn’t spare his mother a glance back as he leaves, stalking away with his hands in his coat pockets. If you had a vision quirk, you might’ve been able to see the way his fingers curled and uncurled, longing hidden behind fabric. Instead, he wipes all traces of lost desire from his face. 

You hesitate by the window for just one more second. Rei looks so kind - it’s hard to believe the rumors about what she did to her youngest son, even if she’s a little crazy. 

To your horror, you see her start to weep, little crystal tears forming from her eyes. She’s more lucid than you thought she was. When she looks out at the window, she looks directly at you. In that eye contact, you come to understand more sane than anyone realizes. 

“My baby boy,” she whispers. “My baby.” 

Behind you, Dabi calls. “Time’s up. Let’s move.”

[kissorkill16]

When We Were Once Happy: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: A story before Trinity moved to Raven Brooks.

Chapter 23

The funeral was 3 days later, and Nicky remembered that Mya was the one who cried the most. He stood by her and comforted her, but why wasn't Aaron doing this?

It's not that he minded, he was just wondering why Aaron wasn't comforting his sister. In fact, Nicky hadn't seen Aaron almost the entire funeral. He stood up from his chair, letting go of Mya's hand.

"I'll be right back."

Nicky went upstairs, and looked in the many different rooms around the house, the three bedrooms, the unlocked rooms him and Aaron unlocked a while ago, the kitchen, the living room, Mr. Peterson's office, no such luck. When he searched the bathroom, he still didn't find Aaron, instead, he found Mr. Peterson.

He was a disheveled mess. His hair was messy, he was sweating at the pits of his yellow dress shirt, and he was crying as he pulled at his hair.

Nicky thought Mya was the one who cried the most, but Mr. Peterson was something else.

What does he do? Does he try to comfort him? Nicky reached a hand out to put on his back, but then Mr. Peterson let out a scream that was shrill enough to wake up the dead. Nicky ran from the bathroom.

He stopped in front of a different room, and the first thing he heard was Aaron's voice.

"You shouldn't have come here, none of you."

Aaron sounded angry. Nicky had never seen Aaron this angry, the only time he's ever seen him angry was when he held his switch blade to Finch's throat. Nicky peeked his head through the door.

"Aaron, of course we should've come here. We're your friends, we love you.", said Enzo.

"Liar, you don't even like me. None of you even spoke to me or hung out with me until Lucy set up that whole meeting in the woods, don't pretend you care!", said Aaron.

"But we do care!", said Ivan. "We do care, we're worried about you. You're treating Mya like she's your personal punching bag, and you don't think we notice."

Maritza stood forward, pointing a finger at Aaron. "And don't you dare bring Lucy into this! She's gone, and there's nothing anyone can do about it, same goes for your mom! We know you miss her, but mistreating Mya isn't gonna bring her back!", she yelled.

Aaron stood in silence, and then mumbled "Get out."

"No! We're all gonna stay here until we've finally talked some sense into you!"

Aaron grabbed a nearby vase sitting on a drawer, and threw it to the floor, watching it break into pieces. Then he pulled out his switch blade and pointed it at Maritza.

"I SAID GET OUT!"

It was at that moment that Nicky stepped in and shielded Maritza from Aaron, "Aaron!", he yelled. "Don't hurt her! Don't hurt anyone."

Aaron's eyes softened, and he lowered his switch blade.

That's when Enzo, Maritza, and Ivan left the room. "He's your problem now.", said Maritza before she left the room.

Nicky turned back to Aaron. "Aaron, I'm worried about you and Mya. We all are. I know none of us were friends before, but we're all here now, and we love you so much. And I didn't mean to be a creeper, but I walked in on your Dad having a mental breakdown, and when I tried to comfort him, he just screamed."

Aaron's eyes widened, "Dad? Is he okay?"

"I don't know, Aaron. Please try to calm down, Aaron, just so we can make you feel better."

Aaron pulled Nicky in for a tight hug, crying into his shoulder. This was weird for Nicky, not because he's never been hugged by him before, but because he's never seen him cry before. Nicky hugged him back, not even caring that Aaron was getting tears on his suit.

Then Aaron whispered into Nicky's ear, "You're my only friend left."

But why would Aaron say that? He still had him, sure, but he also still has Enzo, Maritza, and Ivan. Those guys are his friends too. So then why would Aaron say he was his only real friend?

"Promise me you won't die today, tomorrow, or ever.", said Aaron.

Nicky buried his face in Aaron's shoulder, "I promise."

Mr. Peterson entered the room a moment later, still a disheveled mess. "Tell everyone it's time to go home, Aaron.", he said, sounding lifeless.

Aaron pulled away from Nicky, "Time to go home, Nicky.", he said, sounding as lifeless as his father.

Nicky left the room, but not before turning back to Aaron and saying "Goodbye, Aaron."

"Goodbye, neighbor."

As the Roth family walked back across the street to their house, Nicky couldn't help but still wonder why Aaron called him his only real friend. Was it because he actually tried to comfort him during his anger session? Sure, the others tried to comfort him too, but they didn't realize they only made it worse.

Luanne opened the door to the house, "Mother, we're home.", she said.

Bubba didn't answer back. Usually, Bubba would let out a hum or something, but this time, she remained silent.

Nicky went to the living room, where she found Bubba on the couch, with her head hung low and her hands in her lap.

"Bubba, we're home.", he said. He stepped forward to her, "Are you sleeping?", he asked.

However, Bubba didn't seem asleep. If she were sleeping, she would let out a soft snoring noise, like when they were in the car, on the drive here. Nicky gently took Bubba's hand, and Bubba fell over and down to the floor.

"OH MY GOD!", Luanne screamed.

Nicky leaned down to his knees and felt around her neck, when he didn't find a pulse, he tried her wrist, still no pulse.

"Oh God...", Nicky thought. "Is Bubba dead?"

Nicky didn't want to think Bubba was dead. He gently tried to shake her awake, and when she still hadn't woken up, he tried shaking harder.

"Bubba, wake up.", he said, his voice trembling. "Please wake up! Please! Bubba, wake up!", he didn't even realize he was screaming now.

Bubba still wasn't moving, or breathing. She was dead.

Luanne started bawling her eyes out, and Jay wrapped his arms around her body, doing his best to comfort her. Meanwhile, Nicky was still on his knees, staring at his grandmother's pale and lifeless body, realizing that she was truly dead.

And the last words he said to her were "I hate you so much, Bubba."

[beldamsgarden]

9/24/24

This night was rough.

When I had gotten home, I crashed immediately (around 9 PM?) and woke up at 2 AM to do my night routine. And then I crawled into the free twin-sized bed in my grandma's room, since her room is closest to the bathroom. I was trying to switch to back-sleeping because it's apparently better for posture. Naturally, I got sleep paralysis. Twice in one night.

I'm good at separating dreams from reality. I often know during my dreams that I'm dreaming and can sometimes manipulate the events. It was different this time. Everything was so realistic that I was confused. And scared.

These are the dreams I can remember

DREAM 01: It Starts Off Mundane

My friends and I were hanging out in LA. I had to join them later because I was busy with something, so I didn't get to go to the arcade with them. I met up with them at some fusion between Spirit Halloween and a coffee shop. It was a good time. I went home and to bed.

I woke up IRL but was very confused. I wasn't even sure if I had actually fallen asleep or just been awake this entire time (it was 3-4 AM at that point), but deduced that I did sleep and dream because my friends had been in the dream and there was no way we hang out that very same day. After that initial confusion, I went back to sleep

DREAM 02: The Face

I was dreaming of of me waking up. The dream was set in my same bed, same night, same everything. It felt like a continuation of Dream 01.

Every time I shut my eyes, I would see a face. You know how whenever you're watching TV or a bright screen in the dark and then you close your eyes after, you still see the after image in the back of your eyes? Yeah, it was like this, except the afterimage would not go away, no matter how many times I blinked. The face resembled a theater mask, split vertifically down in the middle. One side was black and one side was white. It was smiling.

I couldn't move no matter how much I tried twisting my neck. I think I was awake at this point. And then I somehow went back to sleep. Dream-me was able to break out of sleep paralysis and then switch bedrooms (back to my actual room), where I finally went back to sleep in the dream as well.

DREAM 03: What Kind of Fucked Up Super Power is This?

I was back in that twin-sized bed, since I never actually physically left it in real life. I was confused though, because I could've sworn I went back to my bedroom. I was mistaking Dream 02 for reality.

In this dream (at least I think it was a dream), I was waking up, and something felt very wrong. Stomach dropping wrong. Whenever I closed my eyes and thought about anyone, they would begin to appear extremely vividly in my head. From the lexture of their hair to the lines in their skin. I felt wrong, and I knew that if I finished that thought and fully rendered them in my mind, they would die.

I was originally thinking of my high school best friend, but I then switched thoughts over to my grandmother. She was sleeping in the bed over to mine, and I was terrified that I would kill her just by thinking about her.

Somehow, I was able to shut off my brain. I was definitely awake at this point.

I tried to call out for my grandma but nothing would come out of my mouth. I breathed in and out deeply, wiggled my toes (took a lot of effort. Reminded me of that one Kill Bill scene). And then I actually called out for her. She didn't respond because she was asleep.

My mom heard me and burst in the room. She was up early to do something (5-6 AM?). She was like oh my gods what's wrong and I kinda just waved my hand and told her it was another dream.

And then I overslept and skipped my first lecture. Again. My psych prof probably hates me atp. What can I say? I struggle to get up because of how sleep deprived I've been.

[sourlemonsz]

Chapter. 4 from my 5+1 fic :)

Vance didn’t go to school for the next couple of days because he caught something like the flu. He was in bed, hot, cold, sweaty, and shivering. Vance thought, “This is it. This is when I die.” A little dramatic, but with how he felt, it seemed to be looking that way. 

As he stared up at his bedroom ceiling blearily, watching as his fan spun lazily, he thought about a number of things. Most of all, he thought about Bruce, undeniably shooting the fever across his body even higher. 

He groaned into his pillow, his pillow, his hair slicked against his forehead, he tried to sleep multiple times, always interrupted by needing some water, or needing the bathroom. Everytime he stood up was agony, his head dizzy and throbbing. Vance didn’t even know how he got sick in the first place, he just did, which pissed him off royally. 

He was about to doze off again before he heard the doorbell ring, which was very unwelcome. He scowled and turned on his side, facing the wall, willing whoever was at the door to leave. The doorbell rang again, and again, until finally it went away for a second, and then again, Vance groaned. He sat up, his hair tied up messily, with an old torn up band t-shirt and some shorts. He probably looked horrible. 

He slowly made his way to the front door, and opened it, only to find Bruce standing there. Was this a dream? Was Vance hallucinating? Maybe he was dying. He squinted his eyes at Bruce, trying to figure out why he was there or not. 

“Hey!” Bruce started, and then shifted uncomfortably at Vance’s gaze, “Are–Are you okay? You’re looking at me weird.”

Vance just sniffed and wiped away the sweat collecting on his forehead, “I’m sick, you dipshit.” His voice was nasally and congested which sucked. 

“Oh, are your parents home?”

“No, it’s just me, what’d you need?”

“I just-I missed you at school the past few days. Just wondered what happened to you.”

“Aww you missed me? Love that, now leave me alone I’m dying.”

Bruce laughed, “You’re not dying Vance, when are your parents gonna be home?” 

“They’re not gonna be home for a while, it’s just me.” Vance swiped away the sweat on his brow once again, chills tingling down his entire body. Bruce stayed on the doorstep, and Vance nodded his head inside, he couldn’t handle the sun in his eyes any longer. 

Bruce walked inside and shut the door, taking his shoes off at the door. “You’re gonna get sick if you stay here too long.” Vance managed out, his throat was scratchy, he hobbled into his kitchen to fill a glass with water. “I don’t mind, you missed all the drama.”

Vance hummed as he plopped on the couch, stealing a blanket, Bruce followed and sat next to him. He proceeded to tell Vance everything that had happened in the last following days of school. And apparently, there was a lot. And that had kept him awake longer than anything before, though his pounding headache never went away. 

Having Bruce at his side was a lot more comforting than he thought it’d be. Even if he did doze off in the middle of it, Bruce didn’t seem to mind. And at the very end of it Vance fully fell asleep, only waking up to the sound things being moved around the kitchen.

“You robbing me Yamada?” He asked groggily, turning to look behind him, Bruce had on his moms apron with a ladle in hand. Which made Vance snicker, “Welcome back to the land of the living. I’m making some soup, since it sounds like you haven’t eaten at all today.”

And then it hit Vance, “Where the hell did you get soup? We don’t have any of that.” He got up from the couch and momentarily recovered from his dizziness, he shuffled into the kitchen and watched as Bruce added some freshly chopped vegetables into a pot of soup on the stove. 

“I went out and bought some, don’t worry you don’t have to pay me back.”

Vance scoffed, “Wasn’t planning on it.” Bruce chuckled at that, looking oddly a little…attractive? The lightness in his head worsened the longer he was looking at him. So he turned and filled his glass again at the tap, downing the water, he watched as Bruce stirred the pot, and a delicious smell permeated throughout the kitchen. 

His stomach growled loudly, which was the first time it had done that ever since he had woken up. Earlier he felt too sick to eat, but smelling some good food immediately changed him and his body’s mind. Though one thing stuck out to Vance in his hazy mind, why is Bruce doing all of this? He knows the answer already, but he still can’t help but ask himself why? 

He can’t really imagine someone just taking over like this, seeing Vance in his sorry state and just–taking care of him, it’s a foreign concept beyond his understanding. But he only accepts it because he knows that Bruce would throw a hissy fit, and he was not in the mood for that. Vance was snapped out of his daze by the clinking sound of bowls, Bruce poured some soup into two bowls, then whipping his head back and forth looking for something. 

Vance scooted past him and opened the drawer for two spoons, he handed them wordlessly to Bruce he smiled and placed them into the two bowls, he nodded his head toward the dining table. “So, are you used to walking into sick peoples houses and making food for them? Or is this a one time thing.” Vance asked with as much a smile he could muster. 

Bruce pulled out Vance’s seat for him, which shouldn’t have charmed him as much as it did. Bruce then sat right next to him, “Well I don’t just break into people’s houses and make food for them.” 

“Kinda looks like it.” 

“Just eat the damn soup Vance.” Bruce rolled his eyes and chuckled, Vance just shrugged and pulled the spoon to his lips, cooling it down by blowing air on it. Once he thought it was cool enough, he put the spoon in his mouth and the warmth of the soup ran throughout his entire body, and the taste was amazing. He hummed aloud without realizing it, and he closed his eyes without realizing it. His eyes shot open quickly, and the fever in his body had to have risen in temperature. 

He opened his eyes only to find Bruce watching him with an unreadable expression, blush dusted his cheeks, but he flustered once Vance’s eyes were open. Quickly putting his attention toward his own bowl, “Where the fuck did you learn to cook man? It might be the fever talking, but shit.” 

Bruce’s blush on his face deepened, “I cook a lot at home, usually for the entire family.” He said almost shyly, Vance tilted his head, “They’re lucky, they get to eat some gourmet shit everyday.” He said as he hungrily put another spoonful in his mouth. And for a moment Vance forgot about how sick he was, the chills and the dizziness in his mind, just him, Bruce, and the food. 

Bruce looked away, embarrassed, which pleased Vance as he happily ate the entire bowl. 

[countrymusiclover]

70 - Fighting the Bite

Part 71

Her Life Means Everything

Sorry for the wait writer's block sucks. Send in any ideas you'd like to see ❤️

@mrs-fanfiction-2001 @the-big-bad-klaus @dragonixfrye @samsgirl93 @elijahmikaelsonbitch

Rubbing my neck I moaned, hating the feeling of getting it snapped and it was even worse that it was my husband and mate who had done it. Slowly moving my gaze around the room I could see that it was a large hotel room. Rising to my feet I looked out the window seeing it was broad daylight until I heard someone speaking behind me. “Je commençais à m’ennuyer en attendant que tu te réveilles, Maddison" (I was getting rather bored waiting for you to wake up, Maddison)

"Je n’ai pas fini mes cours de français. Pouvez-vous parler en anglais s’il vous plaît ?" (I didn't finish my French classes. Can you speak in English please?) I shook my head trying to remember the little bit of French that I knew from high school.

Turning around on my heels I already knew who it was by the tone of their voice. Throwing my hair over my shoulders seeing my husband standing before me. His blue eyes trained on me like I was some prey he was hunting. “If you’re so insistent then that must mean you are choosing to join me.”

“I’m not turning it off, Niklaus. How many times must I say that. I won’t go down that road again.” I snapped back at him with a glare.

My husband titled his head to the side with a smirk. He brushed his fingers over part of my neck so when he pulled back showing me that there was still some blood on them. "I would have thought that you would be begging by now for me to heal that bite. The effects will only start to get worse and unbearable."

"Niklaus Mikaelson how dare you! I am your mate. Your love and wife!" Pushing past him I moved my hair to the other side going to the bathroom mirror seeing that he had really bitten me.

He slumped down on a couch in the corner tapping his fingers on the armrests with one leg crossed over the over smirking in my direction. "And you refuse to listen to me. I mean come on, Maddie. Humanity must be killing you. You were asked to run an entire school while your sister ran all over the Earth hoping to find a solution to her daughter's merge. Then our daughters had to turn it off because Nikola killed her soulmate. Honestly you should be drowning in emotions."

"Well I'm not, Klaus! I won't take away the only part that makes me still be human. I did it once and it nearly broke me to deal with all the damage that I had created….now I am asking you to please come back to me. Turn it back on and help me reach our children." I begged him, clasping my hands together over my mouth.

He vamped up to his feet shoving me in between his body and the wall where I grunted on the impact. “I’m the Hybrid, love. I have more strength than you. I’m faster and smarter than you. If I wished to kill you I would do so right now without a second thought. I don’t need anyone.”

“Then why haven’t you?” I croaked out softly meeting his blue eyes. Moving my hands over his wrist I wrapped my fingers around it knowing he wasn’t using all of his strength now. “If you wanted me dead you would have killed me like you said. But you haven’t and that isn’t like you…You don’t have it in you because you now have that you care about more than yourself.”

He shoved himself away growling under his breath showing me his hybrid eyes. “You’re out of your mind, Maddie. What makes you think that I will care if you die. You have given me my children, who are adults now basically. I don’t need you to have fun with my switch flipped.”

“You think that you can live without me but that’s a lie.” Moving around the room I reached down into my boot revealing a tiny stake that I had taken from Alaric’s weapon system hidden in the bookshelf in his office. Twirling it in my fingers I met his gaze hoping that this worked like last time. “Well let’s see if you can handle the pain of possibly dying again…ugh mom.”

Over my husband’s shoulder I could see her standing there wearing her policeman outfit. She slowly walked up to me where I shuttered not expecting to see her again. “How could you let this happen, Maddie. How could you let your children become monsters? I gave my blessing to that hybrid to let him marry you and you let them kill people.”

“I didn’t mean to do anything, mom. I - I’m trying to fix it.” I responded toward her ignoring that Klaus had walked around me sipping some blood from a glass watching me basically talk to the wall.

My mother stomped up, slapping me across the face and throwing the tiny stake across the room. Which in reality was just me throwing it away myself. “You’re not doing a good job. If anything I will say it is your fault and that you should be the one to suffer.”

“You don’t mean that, mom.” I shook my head sniffing some tears that were falling down my face.

“Who the hell are you talking to, Mads. Oh that’s right I don’t care about healing you of your precious werewolf bite. Unless you turn it off. Piece of advice: hallucinations can be a nasty side effect from what I heard from Damon Salvatore.” Klaus whispered in my ear where I sucked in a breath turning my head so our noses were brushing up against each other.

“Shut up, Nik. I said bloody no!” I raised my voice at him before I turned my head back to focus on my dead hallucination of my mother. “Now what are you talking about, mom. I won’t flip my switch if that’s what you want.”

She lifted her hand up grabbing my hand that had my twin and also known as my daylight ring on it. “Take this off for a moment and maybe it will snap you out to figure out how to fix the problem. Or realize that this could have been avoided if you never gave birth to Tribrids.”

“I’m not gonna do that. And my children are not monsters. They are good.” I spat in her face turning my hands into fists until I felt dizzy and I stumbled backwards against the window. “Agh Nik please I’m begging you… make this stop!”

He bends down on a knee lifting my left hand in his twirling the ring in between his fingers. “Sssh love. Take your ring off for a brief moment and stand in the sunlight. Then I will heal you from the bite.”:

“Nik, you can’t be serious. You won’t let me die in the sunlight. We love each other and we are mated for life. You’ll feel it too-“ I attempted to say but he slid it off rising to his feet while I remained pressed up against the corner where the sun wasn’t coming through.

He leaned forward dangling the ring in front of my face where I reached for it but he yanked it back and kept it away from my reach. “Ah ah nice try, Mads. But here’s what we are going to do. Either you do as I say and get this back or I let you die from the werewolf bite. It’s your choice.”

Blinking some tears through my eyes seeing that his facial expression hasn’t changed. No matter what I say until I snap him back to normal he won’t care what happens to me. “Klaus, just so you know. I still love you, always and forever.” Rising to my feet he stepped back watching me take two steps toward the window feeling the burning the second I was in the sun. I screamed crying heavily until someone shoved me against the bed where I gasped, locking my eyes onto the baby blues.

“Maddie, bloody hell. I'm sorry - I’m so sorry.” He croaked, hovering over me reaching into his pocket grabbing my ring and doing his best to put it back on.

I gasped, releasing some happy tears hearing the change in his voice. Moving my hands up I ran my ring through his hair pulling his head down to rest his forehead against mine. “Sssh it’s alright. I know it wasn’t you, Nik….I love you.”

“I love you more than anything, Mads.” He declared, crashing his lips down onto mine. Wrapping my arms around his neck kissing him back where he started to tear my shirt until the phone was ringing like crazy. “You gotta be kidding me!”

Reaching for my phone from the side table I sat up answering the call. “Who is this?”

“Auntie Mads, it’s Lizzie. Your crazy daughter killed me. And now I am freaking sired to her!” I recognized the voice of one of my nieces. Klaus sat up and we both couldn’t hear her heartbeat meaning something must have happened.

Running a hand through my hair I dared to ask. “Lizzie, what are you saying?”

“I’m a Heretic. Half witch and half vampire.” She replied back.

Looking at my husband a smirk grew on his face when he started chucking at her response. “She’s a hybrid now.” Hanging up the phone I knew we had to find our daughters and get them back before they destroyed the world in blood.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[the-sky-is-full-of-light]

Yeah puppies are cool and everything until you wake up at 1:45 with intense pain and nausea and have to go to the bathroom, where the dog who screams is being kept and he STARTS screaming, which makes you burst into tears immediately and then your mom is texting you to get up and make him shut up and you're like "IM ACTIVELY TRYING NOT TO DIE" and the only thing that make him stop crying is to get him out and hold him while pooping, knowing that ws soon as you put him in cage and walk away he's gonna cry again and HIS cries are agitating his brothet so you have to take care of him too, but you're still feeling sick and have to leave the bathroom to make him shut up so you can get some peace and mom can sleep BUT YOU'RE STILL SICK the whole time while sobbing so hard your face hurts because damnit you just want to sleep too, and 45 minutes later the dogs are finally settled but you're. Still. Sick.

[everythingyoueverdreamed]

I think people get stuff wrong about addiction. It's not just one action and you get instantly addiction. Most the time it's a progression over several years. You get introduced When your mom is passed out on the couch. Your begging her to get up and play a board game with because she promised. It's thanksgiving. She says I'll play later. She never does. Now your in middle school. Your mom has a tendency to hoard pills and all your older friends are getting high. You want to try it. You steal the hydrocodone. And take all the pills you have left. Drink a beer. Your in highschool. Your mom isn't keeping alcohol in the house anymore. She does keep little amounts. Which you drink all of the booze she is buying. She doesn't need the alcohol and knows your stealing it. She can keep do the harder drugs. It works better anyway. Now your supposed to be in highschool. You haven't went in months. You have opening your horizons. You know that mixing drugs with other drugs is better. You haven't done it in awhile. It will be treat. But it doesn't work like it how normal does. Your version keeps getting blurry and worse. You just have to wait it out. You start not being able to control your body. You know something bad is happening. You will sleep it off. You can't get up anymore. You text your mom sorry. She sends the neighbor over to check on you. She calls your mom says that you can't respond. Your mom screaming on the phone. She says she can't leave work to deal with your bullshit. The neighbor says I think I need to call ambulance. She says honey I need to roll you on your side. Your biting your tongue. The EMTs come. They know it's really bad. You've been in this state too long. They treating the dogs really bad. Trying to get them out of the room. The only You can scream Stop hurting them! It doesn't sound right. They stop messing with the dogs. They push you up from your mattress on the floor. Everytime you take a step down the stairs. You pass out on the way down. You get down the two flights of stairs. You try to run away. But the EMT says don't trip. You didn't get far. You didn't even get out of her arms. You pass out again

You must have passed out again. Your on a stretcher. Hooked up to some machine. You know the building in that little window in the ambulance. It's the Church down the road. You remember how you used to ride bikes on that hill. The EMT is talking in her walkie talkie. We're not going to make it to the other hospital. She's not stable .Tell the mom. monitors start beeping. You pass out again. Your in hospital room. Your mom is besides you. She starts taking about something. She whispers in your ear to not tell anyone about the drugs. She says it is bestto say you remember nothing.You don't really understand but try to respond. The nurse comes in and says that your transferring. Do you need to go to the bathroom? For some reason it feels like you already pissed yourself. But you could go. You say where? The nurse says in that little toilet. It's Infront of everyone. In front of your mom. You don't even like going to the bathroom Infront of others. Because you know the bathroom isn't safe. Now there is the ambulance people in the room. You go to the bathroom in front of alot of other people. Your mom is distraught. You would never do that.

You passed out again. Your in different room. That doesn't really matter. You have to go to the bathroom. Your underwear is wet? You would never let yourself piss your pants. The first objective is not piss your pants. For some reason you can't hold your pee. You can hold your pee for 24 hours.you have tested it. Your going to bathroom so much. But for some reason your underwear is still wet.

You wake up. Someone's giving you a shot. The lady in your room says your mom is coming. She comes and starts talking to you. The doctor comes in. And asks if you remember anything. You say that you remember nothing. He asks if you hit your head. You don't really think that's important detail. You say I don't think so.

Your excited to get out. Your mom is picking you up. You get to change underwear. You and your mom start. You ask her to look away while she is changing. She does for second. She stops the second you take off your clothes. You aren't allowed to have boundaries like that. You get done changing. You have plans today. You ask your mom if you can go hangout with your friends today. Your mom looks surprised. Your mom says that Saturday has passed? For the past four days you have been here. When you get home. Your mom starts telling you to stay out of her drugs. She doesn't have any to share. You should at least try not to get caught. You think you will do better next time. The next time won't be that bad. You just took too much this time. You don't really think that you'll ever go that far again. No it won't be as bad. It's just a one time thing

The thing they don't tell me is there's always a next time. You don't always get lucky. You will die if this keeps going on

[quackburmanicgaysex]

i remember eating golden chick the morning after. I remember waking up and the feeling hitting me and made me want to go back to sleep. i think that was the first time i ever woke up early without any help. i didnt even stay home. i couldn't. i remember the few moments after rhe hospital gave us the news i wanted to go back to grab pillows and i couldnt even walk into his bedroom. i remember food being so fucking disgusting and i couldnt bring myself to eat because i wanted to throw it all up. i was so confused on how to tell my friends i was just having conversations with that i wasnt gonna be active alot anymore. how do you tell them that your dad had a heart attack? i felt so out of place and dissociated for the first week. none of it felt real honestly. even if we all knew that his time was already limited. ive grieved my father as a child when they told me that he was sick and he cant get better and itll never get good for him. i remember that right after his death i felt like i loved my mom. magbe i did. i dont know. i cant stand the idea of her now. i dont think ill ever forget how hard my other brother cried that night. i think thats the first time ive seen him cry. i remember my friend coming and nicole asking her to be there for me. i remember her holding me in her lap like i was a baby in the hospital bathroom floor even though i was a whole foot taller. i remember my aunt holding me tightly after the news was given. shes not even blood related but she was there and helped me through so much. I remember my mom doing laundry and she found one of his sweaty shirts. it smelled so much like him . we didnt throw away anything. we kept his half emptied can of snuff, pepsi, and twizzlers. i remember laying in his bed and trying to get his smell to rub off on me. i remember cussing my mom out when she washed his bedding and sheets. i was so fucking pissed off. i remember my dad and i bickering right before it happened. he told me he loved me but i didnt say it back because he took my moms side and hurt my feelings. i didnt say it back and i think that eats at me every. fucking. day. i wish i did. i wish i sucked it up wnd went "i love you too dad." I wished he hugged me. I wish he didnt fucking go outside. I wish he didnt fucking die on me.

[idontevenknowanymore13]

November 27th 2022

There's this nightmare. The one that taught me about dreams.

There's monsters in the house. There's always been monsters in the house. They came from my parents' room. Black and looming and quiet, you need to stay quiet(don't even breathe)

I want to wake up.

December 1 2022

Guess who slipped in his bathroom again.

No paint can, in just the wrong place, this time, just piss on the floor, a rotting hole.

You know a parent doesn't love you, when hurting you doesn't hurt them. If they don't feel your pain then all you are is an object.

Gods, mom was right.

There's monsters in the house and they came from dad's room and wasn't that just every Christmas? Jumping at shadows and walking on eggshells so you don't get caught?

Cram yourself somewhere small so he couldn't reach you.

I remember snatches of the hospital but he lies to my face and says I've never been sick, never been in a hospital.

The nurse couldn't get me out of my pajamas cause I was scared they'd take them. I didn't want to choose a gown, cause even by then I knew it wasn't really a choice so why should I choose.

I was maybe 2, 3. Mom can't quite remember. Old enough that I'd been potty trained, young enough that it didn't matter when they just needed me in diapers to make sure my liver wasn't(still) failing.

(I think it had puppy's on it, in the end.)

I waited in a room with some kind of castle, Legos or building blocks or something, I remember seeing my reflection in the windows, so high above everything.

(The sunset was that shade of orange that all things bittersweet in my memories are)

My little(I'll eat them up) feet, the puppy's and kittens hospital gown all tucked up in my diaper so it was more like a shirt.

I got a sticker for letting the nurse put my Iv in, it was on my wrist because my veins were too small everywhere else.

I remember.

I remember screaming. Hiding behind the couch in the entry room with Colton as dad whaled on mom, grabbing at her neck smacking her

(I guess he was right that he never punched her)

Trying to drag her out of the house while she screamed.

Call the cops.

I think Riley called. I can't remember what comes next.

Mom neglected us, but she was scared and bitter and unhappy. I don't think I really blame her.

I know… I know the relationship I had with her was different. Maybe not healthy, but being with her was the happiest I ever was, then.

(As long as she wasn't drinking)

When she lent that money to one of her boyfriends (camp counselor, maybe, he was so much younger then my mom) he told me my eyes were pretty. That he hadn't expected me to have blue eyes.

(14, maybe)

They were only pretty because I'd been crying so hard, asking mom to be careful, telling her how afraid I was that she'd die in a crash and (I'd never get to say goodbye or tell her how much I loved her) how scared I was that I'd never see her again, never know why.

It was nice. It didn't help, but it was nice.

I think I learned to cry silently during those christmas blood baths.

The cold wars between mom trying so hard to give us a Christmas, and dad, drunk in his bathrobe and a ticking time bomb of silence.

He says they never fought.

I remember the cops being so nice, when they took him. I think I was 11.

Domestic violence.

The weeks he was gone were the most safe I felt in my own home.

My childhood home.

I've been on both sides of this war and I wish…

Moms remarried, he's funny and smart and as long as he keeps treating her right and making her laugh it's smooth sailing.

She's moved away but so much brighter. Happy. She waited until her babies were grown and let us figure it out for ourselves before she left.

I miss her like you miss a lost limb.

(Codependency. She was the only one to stand up for me and there started to be days I'd stand up and scream but it wasn't fear it was anger.

Don't fucking touch her

Leave

Go away.

(I think we needed each other for too long.)

(Just two scared kids who never figured it out)

Dads… too prideful to know he needs to sit on a toilet to pee, now, and too stupid to know that drinking did this to him.

(I have no allies, when I tell him no.)

Slips in his piss and only narrowly avoids hitting the counter.

There's a rotting hole.

I think it's something in me.