#go ahead and try that see how that works out

[bbokicidal]

skz + cucking

You read the title. Synopsis: Based off of a request asking who SKZ would most want to be cucked by and why.

Genre: Smut Pairing: OT8 x Afab!Reader Warnings: 18+ (MDNI) Notes: None ~

Chan: Minho. Honestly, I think he would be totally fine being cucked by any of the boys; But if it were up to him, and the one that would rile him up the most, is Minho. He's just a little bit younger, and he's the 'uptight, stoic, older brother but somehow mom' of the group - And Chan just thinks Minho deserves a little break and to be able to relax for a while instead of looking out for the Youngers of the group. So, naturally, Chan tells you to ride Minho until he's pink in the ears and near to tears.

Minho: Jeongin. Guy gets off on seeing you with the youngest. He partially likes watching you two get it on because he likes seeing the way Jeongin fumbles with you and is a little surprised that you're so bratty and pushing his patience to see what riles him up and gets him rough. Jeongin expected you to be more submissive, given he figured Minho was the more dominant person in the relationship. Little did he know; This was just what happened when you had two tops who bit at each other and pushed the limits. Jeongin just had to figure out how to handle you.

Changbin: Seungmin. He loves seeing you with Seungmin; Either using his favorite younger to get yourself off, or letting the vocalist take out some of his frustrations on you. Seungmin didn't have a partner of his own so he always came to Changbin if he was needing to blow off some steam, asking if he could borrow you for the night - And Changbin always agreed on the condition that he could be in the room. Seungmin never minded, he actually kind of liked having his favorite Hyung watching. Even if it felt a little dirty using his sweetheart like this...

Hyunjin: Chan. Chan, all the way - but not for the reasons you may be thinking. Hyunjin wants you with Chan and Chan only because he trusts the eldest with everything he has. He trusts Chan to take care of you the way you deserve, to be as romantic as him and to be careful with you when something happens that might be a little more rough. He wants you in good hands and he trusts Chan to be delicate with you. (I'm sure you were hoping I'd say you get devoured and fucked hard the by Red Lights duo and you do, but only when they both need to let off some steam. Otherwise it's usually more romantic and soft.)

Jisung: Hyunjin. Jisung is antsy when it comes to sex; He's touchy, fumbling, rushing ahead of himself and always trying to get the most he can out of the time he has with you - so Hyunjin being with you is perfect because he is the complete opposite. Hyunjin's a romantic and is setting the room up with candles and rose petals, taking you by the hand and kissing you so sweetly while Jisung sits helpless in the corner. Jisung loves watching it all, sitting out and just observing, but because he's so antsy you do have to tie his hands to the armrests of the chair so he can't get up and try to join.

Felix: Changbin. Felix is NOT going to pass up the chance to see you with his favorite Hyung. He isn't super huge on being sucked in general but if it's Changbin, he'll let anything slide. And seeing Changbin being able to manhandle you so easily (not that Felix can't, he just can't toss you and lift you all that easily because of his back) makes Felix determined to work out more often. His favorite part to see is when Changbin literally folds you in half to fuck you easier. He's always learning new positions and techniques from his Hyung. <3

Seungmin: Jisung. Seungmin doesn't trust many of the guys with you because some of them can be so rough in the bedroom and he knows that because he swears he's heard all of them fucking at least once through the years of living together and swapping roommates. He likes listening sometimes, but watching one of his group members with you is so much more exhilarating. And of course he's picking Jisung to ask if he wants to join because he knows the answer will be yes and because he trusts Jisung to not rip you in half in bed. He also finds it a bit amusing how quickly Jisung moves with you, grabbing at your body to try and feel over every inch before his time with you is up.

Jeongin: Felix. His favorite Hyung is always welcome to join the two of you in the bedroom, but Jeongin knows well that he himself isn't interested in a threesome. Not with another guy, at least. So when Felix asks to join in some nights, Jeongin is always happy to say yes and invite him over to the apartment; And Jeongin is never upset about not being able to have sex with you because he's just as happy watching his favorite member taking care of you. Though he always ends up being a bit surprised by how feral Felix can get when it comes to you.

Permanent Taglist :

@dwaekkicidal @possum-playground

@thatonedarkskinnedsiren @oc3anfloor @theyadorevalerie

@jeonginsleftcheek @pixie-felix

[fractoluminescence]

Might be off-topic but this reminds me of something mildly upsetting I've seen a pattern of.

There are people in my life, when I show then something I have made for funsies or because it meant something to me, who immediately point out all the things wrong with it, when I thought I had made it clear I was showing it to them because I was proud of it, not for feedback. Art in particular, but in other areas where one can accomplish things as well.

And when I tell them something along the lines of, "look I know your intentions are good here but the drawing is already made. And I can see where I messed up, and if I can't you're not able to tell me how to fix it, so your advice is basically useless to me"

When I say this. I've had people rebuke me with "but you have to learn to take criticism or you won't improve".

Uh, okay? I can take criticism just fine -when I asked for it-. Not every drawing I make is a study that I am doing to try to improve. I am doing it for enjoyment, and it's exhausting to have a person point out all its flaws every single time.

It's off-topic. Leave me alone. Why did I even show you this in the first place - oh, wait, because I otherwise enjoy your company and make the mistake of forgetting that sharing some of what matters most to me with you is oddly unpleasant. My bad.

I can tell what is wrong with the drawing better than you - I have so much more experience than you with this. This drawing is over, there's no fixing it now. Sure, if I had spent more time on it, if I bothered to redo it, if I somehow managed to understand the volume of the subject of the artwork better ahead of time...if only I was just better at art, really.

Yeah, no shit. If I was better at drawing, then I would draw better. I don't need you to tell me that.

And like. I understand trying to give advice. I have the reflex of doing it too. But then if the person tells me it makes them uncomfortable, I don't start arguing back, like wtf

---

Side note, to explain what link this has to the post - something people don't seem to realize when it comes to learning is that you need to be told what you're doing well just as much as what you're doing wrong. Because otherwise, how can you know that you need to keep doing it? That it's worth the extra effort? And you'll need to know your strengths if you are going to find a way to either work with or surmount your weak spots. And this is true of art, but of anything really.

It's not just a matter of motivation. It's a matter of understanding what you're doing right so that you can oppose a 'wrong' to it that you can avoid doing. Not doing this will sometimes lead to people's skill lagging behind in some areas because they're so busy trying to figure out what they need to learn about that aspect of things when they're in fact doing it fine. You'll have people backtracking on fully reasonable habits just because they mistakenly think a lack of feedback is a lack of good as well.

Give people positive feedback. Please. And hold back on the negative feedback unless it was asked for or is necessary

The mattress company I worked for the first time no longer exists. It was long ago eaten and assimilated by a bigger company. But when I started it was an incredibly intense five weeks of training. I was told I was extremely lucky to be selected, and I was. From a pool of a hundred applicants only fifteen of us made the cut to entering the training program.

The course covered how to talk to customers, how to ask open ended questions, how to close a sale, and product knowledge. I learned a lot, and truthfully my greatest takeaway was a lot of social scripts that I could use in other areas of my life.

We also had a midterm exam and a final. Both included a roleplay element with a trainer and a written portion. They told us when we started that the course was challenging but it was still a shock to come in after the midterm and realize half the class had failed.

I was named valedictorian of training- a dubious honor as it meant I’d done the best in the class, but popular lore had it that valedictorians struggled the most on the sales floor. Lo, I struggled.

Not because I wasn’t good. I was. But because my manager set out to systematically destroy my self esteem. Every sale, every interaction I had was scrutinized and criticized.

If I sold a bed with protectors, moveable base, and pillows he’d ask why I hadn’t managed to sell pillow protectors too. His first trainee had thrived on being challenged and he’d never bothered to learn a different way to coach.

It was wretched. My performance started strong but nosedived after a few weeks with him. My trainer, a man I loathed for stonewalling me in my interview, came in to inform me I was on new hire probation. If I couldn’t get my sales numbers up I’d be let go.

His actual phrasing was, “When you have a bandaid do you like to rip it off or pull it slowly?”

Since it was eminently obvious why he was visiting and because I thought it was condescending I sweetly informed him that I liked to soak my bandaids in hot water so they come off on their own.

He was briefly startled at this derailing but then got on with the bad news. I signed some forms stating that I understood my job was in peril.

I went home furious. I thought long and hard about why I wasn’t succeeding and how frustrated I was with my manager. I came in the next day and my anger had crystallized into a cold sharp edge.

My manager opened his mouth to address the probation and I snapped, “Just leave me alone. Go in the back if I have a sale. If you must address a serious issue then you will give me praise on two things I did right and present it as a compliment sandwich. Otherwise just say good job and shut up. Your constant nitpicking just makes me anxious and I do worse. Back off.” Belated and begrudging I added, “Please.”

He raised his eyebrows in dim surprise but I’d gauged him well. He backed off. Dutifully he’d meander into the back when I had a sale and praised me when I closed it. I resented knowing it was only because I’d demanded complimented but they still boosted me up. My numbers skyrocketed, I landed my first split king sale, and I exited probation with flying colors.

The trainer came back in to congratulate my manager for turning things around. To my gratification he gave me credit for setting him straight and said I’d taught him a different way to lead. My manager would often genuinely praise that moment when I’d stood up to him, impressed with my stubborn refusal to fail and my insight into what would help.

My biggest takeaway from the whole thing was just that people need positive reinforcement to succeed. Praise people for doing a good job. If you’re ever in a position where you need to criticize someone put it in a compliment sandwich instead of just saying the negative.

[styxhuntress]

The way Buck is treated is absolutely heartbreaking.

On the surface yes, maybe the 118 does look like a found family unit. And most of them have a good family bond with one another. But not with Buck. (Long rant below the cut)

Buck has the biggest heart out of anyone on the show. He is constantly going out of his way to help people. This is particularly prominent with Eddie, but he does this for so many characters.

He lets Hen, Eddie and Chim stay with him during the lockdown, never asks them to help pay rent, and then later lets Albert stay with him with no complaint.

He is constantly babysitting Chris and later Jee while their respective parents go do other things, and while he clearly loves spending time with them this is definitely a massive favor on his part because babysitting kids is hard work.

He is always there to support them when they need it.

He’s the one that prompts them to check on Bobby in season 1.

He is there for Chim as best he can when Maddie leaves.

When Maddie shows up at his apartment in Season 2 he doesn’t get angry with her for essentially breaking into his home and helping herself to a bottle of wine. And instead helps her settle down with a safe new job and becomes her shoulder to cry on during this period.

He drops everything when Eddie asks for his help, when Eddie mentions issues with childcare and paperwork for Chris Buck introduces him to Carla.

When Eddie has to bring Chris to the station Buck calls ahead so Bobby can get permission.

When Eddie gets shot Buck takes over Chris’s care without prompting.

When Eddie has issues with parenting Chris he calls Buck for help and Buck helps.

When Eddie has a meltdown and takes a bat to the wall, not only does Buck drop everything and run to help him, he also goes further by taking eddie to see the kid they saved the day he was shot.

Whenever Eddie needed anything Buck was there.

When Eddie desperately needed a sub letter so that he could move Buck went and took over the lease.

When he found out Eddie was moving he went and did what he could to help him despite being devastated.

Whenever anyone needed anything, Buck was there. And Buck was always happy to do it.

But when Buck was feeling abandoned after the embolism no one reached out, instead Eddie dumped Chris on him under the pretense of getting him out and about and stop moping for the day.

When Maddie left, no one thought to ask Buck how he was doing. Instead they focused entirely on Chim. And when Chim punched Buck no one at any point stood up for Buck, instead going on about how Chim is under a lot of distress right now as though Buck isn’t also feeling the loss and worry of his Sister up and leaving.

When Buck filed the lawsuit they almost all immediately went and put all the blame on Buck. Hen was the only one to point out that they were all Buck had, that he had no other family outside the 118. Despite that they still punished him, Eddie taking his anger out on Buck because the lawsuit meant Buck couldn’t bail him out and he couldn’t spend time with Chris and never once saying he missed Buck too. He was pissed because Buck couldn’t drop everything and help him. He was accused of being reckless and impulsive and using their own issues for his own gain and for being selfish and stupid and exhausting despite the fact that he was being treated unfairly. He was hurt, and alone and just needed a hug.

When Buck found out about Daniel and distanced himself from Maddie, Chimney started borderline harassing Buck trying to get him to talk to her, despite a) Buck having had a major bombshell dropped on him, getting his entire life put into a new perspective based on this information, and finding out why his parents treated him the way they did and so needing to process, and B) Buck repeatedly setting boundaries and saying he needed space to process and he’d talk to Maddie when he was ready. Chimney completely ignores Buck’s boundaries as though what Buck needs or wants doesn’t matter because Maddie is upset and wants to talk to him, and only her desires and emotional well being have any level of importance and despite asking for space she literally ambushes him at work to force a conversation he is not ready for. And no one else tries telling Chim to leave Buck alone, and then Eddie only has a half assed conversation with Buck despite being his so called best friend, where he basically dismisses Buck’s feelings and tells him he’s over reacting.

When Eddie was leaving and Buck was upset he was repeatedly accused of making it about himself, being selfish, unreasonable, unsupportive and a jerk when he literally just found out from nowhere that Eddie made a down payment just overheard his best friend basically dismiss their friendship (“I have no ties here, everything that matters is in Texas”) he gets judged and berated for being upset, as though he’s not allowed to have feelings, and when he tries to apologize for his snarkiness gets once again berated and when he finally tells Eddie that he took over the lease and thus he can move, aka the ultimate supportive action, not once does Eddie apologize.

When Buck breaks up with Tommy no one bothers to really check in with him on a deeper level, instead they dismiss his wants by stealing his phone so that he can’t call him and then no one brings it up again despite him clearly still being devastated for every following episode.

When Buck gets SA’d by the therapist he is immediately getting made fun of, and accused of being a manwhore and essentially blamed for being assaulted. No one ever, not once, bothers to wonder if he’s doing alright.

And when Buck is still waiting for Abby to come back rather than being supportive or anything like that he gets laughed at for living in his girlfriend’s apartment and being dumb enough to think she’ll come back.

When Eddie gets a new friend he immediately starts spending all his free time with that friend and never inviting Buck, even if they were planning something Buck would enjoy, instead asking if Buck can babysit (his kid is 14/15 at this point and just because he has CP I still think he can spend a couple of hours home alone. He’s not bedridden or anything.) and basically ignoring his supposed best friend in favor of his shiny new friend.

Whenever Buck needed anything he was laughed at, belittled and dismissed. They constantly take advantage of his kindness. Buck gives and gives and gives to them and gets nothing back. He is only wanted when he can be useful and when they need him. They take and take and take and the second Buck needs even a small amount of empathy or help he gets accused of being selfish, needy, exhausting, of making everything about him, of overreacting. He is essentially told, over and over that he is not allowed to have feelings or boundaries. He is not allowed to need help he can only give help. He is only valued when he can do something for someone else and godforbid he ever ask for the same consideration because otherwise he’s being needy. He makes everyone else his priority and never is he anyone’s priority in return.

Until Tommy anyway, he finally had someone who would take care of him, who acknowledged his feelings and showed him they were valid, who clearly adored all of Buck and never asked him for anything and indulged in his quirks and who was happy to be there for him, who complimented him and who overall clearly adored Buck. Even before they were dating when Tommy saw that Buck clearly was feeling left out he went over to his place to apologize, despite not actually doing anything wrong himself.

I seriously think that if Tommy saw how they all treated Buck he’d lose the delusion that they are basically a family really fast and promptly get pissed on Buck’s behalf. He’d also do everything in his power to help Buck realize that he matters as a person.

[2neaky]

𝘍𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘦𝘭 𝘙𝘪𝘥𝘨𝘦 & 𝘐’𝘮 𝘥𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘛𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘙𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘮 (𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨). 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘭’ 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 + 𝘴��𝘦𝘦𝘵 … 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘸.

Content Warning — toy use (bullet vibr*tor), *rgasm denial, dom Terry, descriptive language, profanity, p*rn w/ no plot, first pov

There’s a calculating look in those hazel eyes. You hate it. At least for right now.

You watch him with squinted eyes yourself, a slight frown on your lips as you watch him pretend to be oblivious.

It’s not working.

Regardless, he keeps his focus on the road ahead, one hand on the bottom of the steering wheel while the other rests along the car door’s ledge. His hand is hidden in the door’s pocket, toying with something.

No doubt, that fucking remote control.

The car jostles as he narrowly avoids a small pothole. 

“You just gon’ keep burning holes into the side’a my head or what?”

He hadn’t looked away from the road. You watch the corner of his lips twitch when he decides to press them into a thin line. The muscles in his jaw tense before ultimately relaxing.

He’s trying not to smile. You know it. That steel-cold stare of his isn’t enough to hide it. Terry can play a convincing stoic, but you know better.

And you hate it. You hate being the trembling mess, a dewy sheen over your beautiful face. But, it was the cross you had to bear—in exchange for him agreeing to pay for your nails.

Granted, you didn’t have to do this. Terry’s a gentleman, he likes making sure his woman is covered. And you love that about him.

But, his mischievous side seemed to have come out to play today, and you found yourself on the receiving end of it.

“You think this is funny?”

He blinks, still staring ahead. “Funny?” Finally, he breaks his gaze away to give a simple glance. Like the option of looking your way wasn’t even given a second thought. “Sumn supposed to be funny?”

An intake of air passes through you as you open your mouth to respond, yet you’re swiftly cut off by a sharp gasp of your own.

Mini quakes wrack throughout your being, stronger towards your core. A swooping feeling travels to your lower tummy. Weakly, your thighs squeeze together, shortly falling apart there after.

Your body’s been through this song and dance for too long—the last fifteen minutes to be exact. It’s wearing your patience and strength thin. 

Very thin.

A trickle of wetness slowly seeps into the seat of your panties, soaking them further. At this rate, you’re sure there’s a wet spot in your jeans. How does he expect you to leave the car like this?

Your pussy flutters around the foreign object buried within its slick walls. A violent shudder moves through you, uncontrolled.

“What’s the joke, baby?” He looks at you again. Those big, golden-brown eyes pierce you for a second longer than last time. “Hm? Tell me.”

Your lips quiver, a weakened whimper slipping past its cracks.

His voice lowers as he stares ahead at the road before you two, heavier than usual. “I wanna laugh.”

“A-auh … shit…”

Your voice is a tiny, broken mess. The muscles in your stomach contract as you lean forward, that vibrating toy putting pressure against your spot. Your mouth drops open, eyes threatening to close.

“T-Terry—“

“Hm?”

You don’t even see him do it, but you catch the subtle flex of his veiny forearm; Your eyes widen, the vibrations grow stronger, rougher.

“Stop, I—“ You try to remember how to swallow your spit. The hand you’ve got wrapped around the seat’s armrest tightens enough to make your knuckles pale. “I-I can’t—“

“Can’t what?”

You’re panting, chest rising and falling quickly. Heat is spreading throughout your body, you feel like you’re going to lose your mind if you don’t shed at least one layer of clothing.

Your pelvic floor is clenched tight, your body trying to prevent a serious flood coming its way.

“I’m gonna—fuuuck!” Your eyes roll back as the muscles of your core weaken for a full second, the threat of your orgasm growing more and more serious. “M’gonna … cum.”

You barely hear the scoff. It feels like the longest second of your life. You feel like you’re a balloon, ready to pop, but the gas tank is shut off right before you do; The vibration comes to a halt.

Echoes of it still travel throughout your body, as your pussy clenches down repeatedly on the toy—a nicely sized bullet vibe.

Your body wavers as you slowly look his way. There’s a worn look on your face. 

It’s hilarious, to him at least.

You can tell by the one-sided smirk he confidently sports. You feel small under his stare, subjected to his whims; Here you are, doubled over in your seat, trembling, while he’s sat back, relaxed. The car is driving as smoothly as ever.

“Did you?”

Meekly, you shake your head. All of your fire has been snuffed out by two little clicks to a remote control.

“Good.” The smirk slips from his face. “I just got this truck … try not to mess up the seats.”

[kilesplaysthings]

how the boys would react when you have a migraine

yeahhh third one babyyy! i swear these all popped into my head one after the other, in this order, actually! This one was really fun to write, because Zayne!!! 🥰 sorry, my bias might be showing here lol

Part III: Zayne (you/MC x Zayne)

It was your day off, and boy, were you ever grateful for that. Last night as you got ready for bed, another headache decided to plague you. You had hoped a good night's rest would make it go away - you even slept in and stayed in bed for longer than usual. But no, the headache was still there and it persisted until it turned into a full-blown migraine that was a continual throbbing with such an intense amount of pressure that you wanted to scream.

What's worse, when you went to grab your prescription medication to try and chase this pain away, you realized you had run out. You requested a refill as soon as you could, and thankfully, the doctor was prompt in filling it, but that meant having to drag yourself off the couch and out to the pharmacy. Of course you didn't want to keep suffering, but you also really didn't want to go out. Over the counter pain medication wasn’t helping so all you could do was lie there debating with yourself about whether you should go or not. You also hadn't eaten all day and knew you should fix something, but again, you didn't have it in you to move.

It was a crummy way to spend you day off, but such was life. You felt like the kid from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, lying there listless, staring up at the ceiling, contemplating your life's choices and feeling like you were dying.

Suddenly, your phone buzzed. You groaned at the effort you had to make to pick it up from the coffee table. Your hand slowly slipped from under the blanket to blindly grope for the device. It fell on the floor, and you let out the most pitiful whine. Bending down to pick it up made your head throb harder.

You didn't even look to see who it was before you swiped on the screen to answer the call.

"...Hello..." you croaked out.

"Well, hello to you too," came the amused voice of your boyfriend on the phone.

Your eyes widened. "Oh. Hey, Zayne."

"I just got off of work. Are you still interested in going to that cafe we talked about?"

Your eyes slid shut. You had totally forgotten that the two of you had made plans to try out a new cafe that had opened up downtown recently. But with the way your head was hurting, you weren't up to going anywhere, even if it was with Zayne.

"I'm so sorry, I'm gonna have to take a rain check on that," you told him. "I'm not feeling well."

"What's wrong?" He asked, his voice now laced with concern. "Do you have another migraine?"

You couldn't help but laugh softly. "Correct, as usual, Doctor. I've had it since last night. I thought sleeping on it would help, but it won't go away."

"All right. I'll be right over."

You sat up a little. "Oh, you don't have to-"

"No, I don't," he agreed. "But I want to. That is, unless you'd prefer being alone?"

You sighed. He knew the answer to that. "I look gross right now..." You warned him.

"I'm sure I can handle it," was his warm response.

You decided not to argue any more. As you ended the call, you couldn't help feeling relieved that he was coming over.

"Go ahead and let yourself in." You texted him so you didn't have to get up. He knew the code to your door anyway.

It wasn't long after that Zayne appeared, striding through the front door. He was carrying two bags and also holding a cup holder that held two drinks. When he saw you, his face lit up with a gentle smile.

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly. He knew to keep his voice down when you had a migraine.

"Bleh."

He sniffed out a short laugh at that. "That bad, huh?" He placed the bags and drinks on the coffee table. "Where is your medication? Did you take it yet?"

Your eyes skittered away from his face. "Well..."

"Well?" His tone became firmer. He was going into doctor mode. "Does that mean you haven't?"

You turned to bury your face in the cushions. "I ran out..."

"Do you need it refilled, then? Have you contacted your neurologist?"

"I did," you replied. "I just haven't gone to pick it up yet."

"I see."

You peeked up at him, worried you'd see that stern expression he'd give you when you were being lax with your health. Instead, you saw him slipping his overcoat back on.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to pick up your medication."

All of a sudden, you felt your eyes tearing up a little. Guilt flowed through you. "I'm sorry, you don't have to... I'm not trying to make you go get it for me..."

He turned to you and smiled. Then he walked over to your side and placed his hand on top of your head. His thumb gently swept aside your messy bangs.

"I know. It's fine, I want to go. In fact, you could have just asked me to get it for you while I was on my way here. I know how bad your migraines can get, so I want you to rest. Doctor's orders."

He took one of the drinks and handed it to you.

"I got you a chai with cinnamon and oat milk, just how you like it. Just relax. I'll be right back."

You sniffled a little and nodded, taking large sips of the drink so you wouldn't begin to cry. Zayne was the sweetest boyfriend you could ever ask for and there were times when you wondered if you really deserved him.

He soon returned with a small paper bag in hand. Inside was your prescription for your migraines.

"Before you take it, let's make sure you eat something. How's your stomach today? Have you been feeling nauseous?" He inquired as he pulled out two styrofoam boxes from one of the bags.

"Fortunately, no. I just haven't felt like eating," was your answer.

"Good. The cafe we were going to go to today also offers soup, salad and sandwiches. How does tomato soup and grilled cheese sound?"

Your mouth began to water and a sudden growling noise erupted from you. Zayne's green eyes sparkled amusedly.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said. He opened one of the boxes and handed it to you. Inside was a sliced grilled cheese sandwich wrapped in napkins as well as a cup of tomato soup that was covered with a plastic lid.

"I'll get you a spoon," he told you.

While you waited, you took off the plastic soup lid and dipped the sandwich into the cup of soup. It was still warm and extremely delicious. You weren't sure why, but this was the perfect soup and sandwich combo for when you weren't feeling well. It was comforting.

Zayne came back from the kitchen with silverware, dessert plates and some napkins. He settled down into the couch beside you and picked up a plastic container that held a fresh-looking salad, with a cup of dressing on the side.

"That's all you wanted? A salad?"

"This is enough for me," he replied. "Besides, this isn't the main course. That's reserved for the desserts I brought." He nodded to the second bag. Inside you could spy cutely designed containers, all in pastel colors with elegant writings and cute symbols on them. You could only imagine what kind of cupcakes, macarons, and cheesecakes were inside.

Shaking your head with a smile, all you said was, "Oh, of course."

Once you were finished with your meal, Zayne retrieved the medicine from the paper bag. He read the directions on the bottle and handed you the proper amount of pills for you to take. Once you downed them with a swig of your drink, you decided to sit up on the couch, now next to Zayne, so you could lean against his side.

"Thanks, Zayne," you uttered softly.

He turned to look at you. "For what?"

"For everything; coming over, bringing food, going to grab my meds..." You sheepishly smiled. "You're always so sweet to me..."

He smiled and shook his head a little, his hand reaching behind you to rub your back. "You never need to thank me for anything like that. If you're not feeling well, of course I'm going to take care of you."

You felt yourself getting emotional again and, a little embarrassed for him to see you get all teary-eyed, you decided to lie down on him, placing your head in his lap, your face pressed against his stomach. You could hear Zayne's sweet, soft laughter and felt his hand upon your head.

"Perfect timing. I was going to ask you if you wanted a head massage."

You took hold of his free hand while he ran his fingers through your hair and massaged your scalp. You nuzzled his hand in thanks.

"I might fall asleep like this," you told him.

In return, he pulled the blanket over you and sat back into the couch to get more comfortable.

"Go ahead. We'll eat the desserts when you wake up."

[madebycloud]

Sweetener

jinx/powder x female reader — 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬⠀𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

summary: matcha has always been too bitter for your taste, but your new coworker seems to love it, especially when she makes you taste it every single day. warnings/themes: fluff and angst, friends to lovers, coffee shop, mordern au, barista!jinx, barista!reader, jessica words: 18.5k notes: just 2 broke (tired, stubborn, idiot, proud) college students in a shitty city

Working as a barista, you're used to seeing all sorts of people.

Most times it's just a bunch of early morning adults rushing through with their quick coffee pickup before work or the mid-afternoon college students stopping by for their third/fourth cup of the day to fight off the dark circles under their eyes or the late night studiers trying to consume enough coffee to finish their all-nighters for the upcoming exams.

But you can't please everyone all the time. Some of the people are just downright arrogant.

“Whatever.” They wave their hand in the air, as though swatting away an annoying fly. “Anyway, I need a matcha latte.”

You try to keep the grimace off your face. Not only does matcha taste like grass, matcha is expensive as hell. And it's always the stuck-up pricks that ask for matcha lattes.

“Yes, anything else?”

They look you up and down with a scoff. “Did I stutter? yes, that'll be all.”

You grit your teeth, trying to keep from throttling the prick then and there. It's not only just unprofessional, but you'd probably lose your job. And you need this job. You type their order, being careful not to say something rude.

“Great,” they say as they pull out a credit card.

You ring the total up and hand the card back, watching as they slide it back into their wallet.

“And you better get it right this time, it was too hot last time,” you hear them say before taking a seat at a nearby table.

Too hot. The last time you made it for them, you were careful to keep it at the right temperature—but apparently, even that wasn't good enough for that uptight person over there.

You grumble to yourself as you get to work making the matcha latte. 

Carefully getting the perfect blend of matcha powder and water. Steaming the milk to the perfect temperature, ensuring it isn't too hot for the entitled prick, but also not too cold.

You grumble again, knowing full well the tip they're going to leave you won't be anything more than fifty cents or nothing at all.

You look at the clock. Only four hours left of this shift. Only four hours.

—

“You alright?” 

You glance up from shoving your apron into a locker as Jayce, the cafe owner, walks over.

Is it that obvious you're not doing so well? You shrug. “I'm fine. Just glad it's quitting time, y'know?”

You're really not fine. This day was just awful. Between classes, this shift, and the never ending classwork load, you're ready to collapse from exhaustion. But you don't want to bother Jayce with your problems. The guy's already got enough on his plate running this café.

When you shut the locker, you catch Jayce eyeing you with concern, but he doesn't push further.

“Speaking of,” he starts, changing the topic. “You'll be getting a new co-worker tomorrow. Maddie's moved to another city.” He leans against a wall, crossing his arms. “Can you show them the ropes? I won't be here tomorrow.”

You give him a weary smile. “Can do.” Sure, training's easy, and showing them how to make coffee and deal with difficult customers isn't that hard. But what if they suck? What if they're lazy? What if they're incompetent?

You sigh, knowing that you're getting ahead of yourself. It's all conjecture right now. For all you know, this new co-worker could be great.

Jayce seems to notice your exhaustion, and he smiles reassuringly. “Get some rest.”

Right… rest. How the hell are you supposed to rest when you still have three classes to stress about, a mountain of classwork, and a new person to train at a job tomorrow?

“Maybe I should,” you reply lazily. You're not sure if you'll be able to get rest with the load of classwork waiting for you in your apartment, but at this point, you feel too exhausted to care. You grab your backpack and sling it over your shoulders, giving a tired wave. “See you.”

He waves back. “Have a good night.”

You exit the cafe, a chill wind hitting your face as you step out onto the sidewalk.

Tomorrow is going to suck.

Tomorrow is waking up at the ass crack of dawn, half dead, and dragging yourself to several classes.

Tomorrow is getting bitched out by entitled pricks who need their overcomplicated, overpriced caffeinated crap just to feel awake.

Tomorrow is the same old bullshit.

You're already dreading tomorrow.

—

Weekends. The two days of respite from the hellhole of college—at least, it's supposed to be. When you arrive at the cafe on a Saturday morning, the sun is just beginning to rise as you park your bike nearby and make your way inside.

You step through the door and are greeted by Jayce, standing by the counter. And next to him is a blue-haired girl. Must be the newbie.

“Morning,” you greet Jayce with a tired yawn. You set your belongings in the locker before walking over to the counter.

“Morning,” Jayce greets back with a smile, nodding towards the girl. “This is Jinx, the new barista I mentioned,” he tells you, confirming your suspicions.

“Jinx,” you repeat, looking her up and down.

Blue hair with two braids, and a chin-length swoop of hair on the right side of her face. She's probably around your age. Despite the early hour, she looks far too cheerful and energetic.

Jinx's eyes lands on you, and she smiles broadly. “That's me,” she chirps.

You introduce yourself, and Jayce nods in approval. “I've gotta go,” he says, putting on his coat. “I trust you can take it from here.” He pats you on the back as he walks past. “See you later.” And with that, he's out the door.

You turn back to Jinx, noticing her eyes wandering around the café. “So, uh,” you start awkwardly, “have you worked in a café before?”

Jinx snaps her attention to you. “Nope.”

“Okay… that's not a big deal,” you assure her. “I'll just walk you through everything.”

She nods, and you begin the training.

You start by showing her the basics. Operating the coffee machines—which are pretty damn fancy and confusing at first. Explaining the menu, the prices, and the specials of the day. You tell her about the regulars and the usual customers, and she seems to listen closely. 

After the basics, you get to the actual coffee-making. You start with a simple latte. You demonstrate the process, showing her how to prepare the espresso and steam the milk. She watches closely and even tries to mimic your steps.

Her first attempt is... messy. The espresso is weak, and the milk isn't steamed right. You point out her mistakes and try to guide her through the process again. She tries again… and again, it looks like a mess.

“Here—watch.” You adjust her grip on the pitcher. “You're holding it wrong. Try pouring again.”

She nods and tries once more, this time managing to make a decent pour.

“Not bad,” you praise. “Keep that up and you'll be good in no time.”

Jinx grins, but then her gaze falls to her hands. “Not so sure about that.”

You follow her gaze and spot the multiple band aid wrapped around her fingers. Her band aids seem to almost be covering every single finger. It's a little weird that her bandages cover her fingers of all things.

But you don't pry.

She sets the pitcher down, and you turn to glance at the clock on the wall. The clock reads 7:36 AM. It's still early, but the cafe opens at 8 AM.

“Hey,” you begin, “I was thinking…” You motion at the clock. “We still have time before opening. Wanna try making something different?”

She nods eagerly. “Yeah. Sure. Why not?”

“Alright.” You walk over to the cupboard. “What would you like to make?”

“Hmm, something... fun,” she hums, fingers tapping on the counter. “Like... matcha?” She shrugs. “It's my favorite.”

Matcha. That disgusting green tea powder that all these rich assholes seem to worship. And if you hear one more person saying it tastes rich or some other dumb bullshit...

You hate matcha. But if Jinx's favorite drink is matcha, then fine.

You shove down your own disdain for the drink and give her a strained smile. “You like matcha?”

“Yeah. It's delicious!” She's much more energetic than you've ever been.

You open the cupboard and sift through the supply drawers, pulling out the ingredients for a matcha latte. Jinx's eyes lock onto the ingredients that you place on the counter.  “Why do you love matcha so much?” you ask.

“Uh, it tastes good! Matcha cake, matcha ice cream, matcha mochi, matcha tea... Oh! Matcha pudding is really good too.”

She seems very enthusiastic about the drink. So much so that you wonder if she's done an advertisement for it before.

“You know,” you start, measuring out the matcha and starting the water to boil in the kettle. “For someone who seems like they'd be more into sweet and sugary things... you like some stuff like matcha.”

“Eh, I also like sweet stuff, but I like matcha better.” Makes sense. Some people just like different tastes.

The water boils, and you spoon the powdered green tea into a cup and add the steaming water. You stir the matcha in the cup with a whisk. “You've probably had tons of matcha drinks in cafes before, huh?”

You turn to grab a frothing pitcher from the counter, but the bluenette has already snatched it and started foaming the milk, her fingers gripping the handle.

“Yeah, I have. But I've never tried making it myself.”

“Never tried making one yourself?” you repeat, watching her steam the milk.

She shakes her head. “Nope. I've had a lot of matcha drinks in cafes, but I've never made one myself.”

You finish stirring the matcha in the cup. “Well, at least you haven't broken anything yet. That's a good start.”

She stops frothing the milk, glancing at you. “You mean that? you're not joking?”

“I'm just being honest.”

She hesitantly nods, taking your answer. “If you say so…” 

She pours the frothed milk into the cup along with the matcha, and you add the finishing touches before giving it to her. 

Jinx grabs the cup and looks down at the drink. “It looks good.”

“Well, take a sip.” You watch her expectantly. You expect her to spit it out, complain...

But she doesn’t. She swallows the liquid and sets the cup down. “I didn't know making matcha was so easy,” she muses, staring down at the frothy green drink.

“It's not so complicated. Just some boiled water and milk.”

She takes another sip. “So... I could make matcha myself?”

“Yup. If you know how, it's pretty simple.”

“I never knew it was this easy.... I've been buying matcha this whole time-”

Then, the bell chimes, interrupting your conversation. The first customer of the day walks in.

“Ahh…” you mutter, turning toward your new co-worker, who is still sipping on her matcha latte. “You ready?”

She sets the cup down. “I guess.”

“Just follow my lead and try to keep up,” you tell her, “it should be an easy morning.”

She smiles, adjusting her apron. “Easy as pie.”

—

The first day of work for Jinx was... well, interesting, to put it mildly.

She made a few mistakes—like over-foaming a latte, accidentally giving a customer way too much sugar in their coffee, and almost setting fire to the coffee machine… but it could have been worse.

Some of the customers were patient, kind, and understanding. Others... not so much.

One customer complained that their coffee had too much cream and was way too sweet. Another complained their frappe was melting despite ordering it without ice. Then there was the customer who ordered a ‘coffee flavored coffee’, whatever that means.  And the guy who wanted an Americano with no coffee.

By the end of the day, Jinx looked like a mess, and her apron was covered in coffee stains. You and her both shared a look of exhaustion.

“I had no idea customers could be so…” she trails off, her head in her hands on the counter.

“Frustrating?”

“More like…” she ponders some more.

“Inconsiderate?” you suggest jokingly.

“No, that's too nice.”

“How about…” you pause, mulling over some choice words. “Just plain dumb?”

“Dumb, stupid, idiotic, moronic, blockheaded, imbecilic-” she continues, listing off synonyms.

“You're going to run out of adjectives.”

“I've got plenty.” She lifts her head up, drumming her fingers on the counter. “You have no idea how many words you can use to describe an idiot. I could go on for hours.”

“I'm sure you could, but-”

“Like numbskull! Dolt. Imbecile. Nitwit. Dimwit. Dunce. Jackass. Cretin-”

“-Alright, that's enough,” you cut her off before she can start listing the entire dictionary. “I get it.”

She laughs and pushes back her bangs. “I was sooo tempted to dump a whole pot of coffee in a customer's face.”

“You shouldn't be pouring coffee on people, no matter how annoying they are.”

“But just imagine the look on their face when a steaming cup of hot coffee hits them-”

“That's assault.”

“It's self defense if… I'm defending my sanity,” Jinx counters.

“You can't just dump coffee on every annoying customer.”

“Says who?”

“Says the law,” you remind her, “...and Jayce.”

She sighs, flopping onto the counter. “I can't believe people can be this annoying. Like, how hard is it to just be nice to the people who serve you coffee?”

“Eh, well, it's too hard for some people. It's like they wake up in the morning and think… ‘Hmm, I'm going to be a massive jerk to someone working their minimum wage job today.’ And smetimes you just get those customers that you wish…” You gesture with your arm as if to mimic strangling them.

Jinx sits up, mimicking the motion with her own arms. “Or- or… you can poison their drink! Like, just a little bit. Just enough to make them a bit... sick and queasy. Or make it taste gross so they never come back, and they tell all their friends not to come back, and the cafe suddenly gets no business, and we get laid off-” She suddenly stops herself, realizing what she's saying. “I'm not making sense, am I?”

You snort. “Can you imagine the cafe being empty?”

“Mhmm! we could play our own music. Reorganize things. Drink as much coffee as we want,” she says, dropping her arms back to the counter. 

“No stupid customers. No stupid complaints. It sounds like a dream.”

She leans forward, propping her chin on her hand. “It does, doesn't it?”

Just as both of you start fantasizing about the dream of an empty café, the sound of the bell above the door rings, signaling the entrance of a new customer.

You look up, assuming it's just another customer ready to order their coffee and then complain about it. But the sight of Jayce walking through the door immediately caught your attention.

“Oh, hey, boss,” Jinx greets.

Jayce approaches the counter, his eyes scanning over the cafe. “Evening, how's the first day?” he asks Jinx.

“Just great,” she replies.

Jayce glances at the coffee stain on her apron, the corner of his lip twitching upwards, but he doesn't comment on it. “And how's the training been?” He turns towards you, raising an eyebrow.

You shrug, trying to play it cool. “She's done well-”

“Except for spilling the drinks, the coffee machine almost exploded, accidentally giving customers the wrong orders-” Jinx pipes up, counting on her fingers, “-and me almost assaulting a customer.”

“She's still learning,” you quickly add, “but she's catching on pretty quick.”

Jayce purses his lips, studying Jinx for a moment before returning his eyes to you. “She almost assaulted a customer?”

“Uh, no, it didn't happen. She was just... venting out some frustration.”

“It was close,” Jinx mutters.

You clear your throat and give her a subtle glare, silently telling her to shut up before she makes it worse, which she luckily gets the hint.

Jayce hums and glances down at the watch on his wrist before looking back up. “Right, you two can head home now. I'll take over closing the shop.”

You and Jinx exchanged confused looks. “You sure? we can help.”

He waves a hand dismissively. “No, no, it's fine. You've both had a long day. Go on, get going.”

You raise an eyebrow, a little suspicious, but you decide not to question it for now. You turn to Jinx. “Come on, let's get our stuff.”

She immediately stands up from her seat. “Holy shit, I'm dying to get out of this apron.”

—

You wave goodbye to Jayce as you both leave the cafe, heading straight for your parked bike, and climb onto it.

You notice that Jinx is walking a few feet away from you. “You need a ride or something?” you call out.

She turns around, looking at you with a smirk. “Why, are you offering?”

“Unless you want to walk-”

“I'll take that ride.” She walks over, stopping right next to where you're seated on the bike.

“Hop on, then.”

She glances at the back seat, hesitant. You notice that she doesn't have any sort of vehicle either. She bites her lip, contemplating it for a moment, before carefully climbing on the bike.

You feel the bike sag a bit underneath her weight, but it thankfully holds. 

She awkwardly sits behind you, her arms wrapping around your waist and her legs tucked beside your thighs. “You know how to ride this thing fast, right?” she asks.

“Of course, I do. I just like being careful.” You kick off the ground and begin to pedal, leaving the café behind.

“Boooring. Just gun it. I wanna feel the wind in my hair.”

“If I crash this thing, it's your fault,” you joke, picking up speed on the deserted sidewalk. “Where are you headed anyway?”

Her grip tightens around your waist, the wind blowing through her hair. “The subway.”

“The subway?” you ask, turning the bike towards the direction of the nearest subway station. “You live across the city?”

“Yeah, I live in a shitty area. Easier to use public transit.”

The entire city is shitty. “Why'd you get a job at a cafe so far from where you live, then?” You're genuinely curious.

“Not many other places are willing to hire me.”

“Why?”

She scoffs. “Too crazy. I had a job last summer at a local convenience store.”

“What, did you steal from the cash register or something?”

“Me? Hell no. You think I'd do something that obvious?”

You glance backward with a raised eyebrow.

“Alright, fine. I might have tried to steal some drinks and candy a couple of times. But! my boss was a scumbag who stole money from charity donations. He deserved it,” she explains defensively.

“I'm sure he did,” you reply, trying not to laugh at her defense. After all, she didn't need to justify stealing from a scumbag. Not that a few stolen chocolates really matter in this shithole of a city.

You continue down the sidewalk, making a left turn at a stoplight. Cars honk at you, but neither of you gives them so much as a glance of acknowledgment.

“Besides, those things are way too overpriced anyway,” she continues. “Everything in that damn store was overpriced.”

The subway station is now in view just a few blocks away.

“What happened?” you ask. “You get fired or quit?”

“Both. They fired me, and then I quit.”

“How exactly do you quit after getting fired?”

She laughs a little. “I walked back the next day and quit myself.”

That makes sense... somehow. “But, back to my question, why work so far?”

“Er, I didn't have a choice. Jayce was about the only one that would hire me.”

So it was out of desperation. You could understand that. Everyone had to do what they had to do to survive in this city.

You slow your bike to a stop, parking it outside the entrance to the subway station. You put the kickstand down and hop off the bike. “How long does it take to get to your place?”

“Like... maybe forty-five minutes? sometimes two hours,” she says, getting off the bike and stretching her arms above her head. “It's not that bad. There's usually an old guy who plays really shitty polka music on the accordion to keep me entertained.”

“Sounds lovely,” you reply sarcastically. “Shitty music and a shitty city.”

She hums, looking around. “So... I'll see you tomorrow?”

Despite the shitty city, the shitty job, you find yourself slightly looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. “Yeah, tomorrow,” you reply.

She turns and begins walking towards the stairs that descend into the depths of the subway station, before stopping and turning back around to face you.

“Hey-” she begins, stopping you. “Thanks for the ride, and... you're not so bad. For a coworker.”

You can't resist a smile. “You aren't so bad either.”

Jinx scoffs. “Pft, I don't know. Some people might disagree.” She pauses, studying your face for a moment. “See you, partner.”

She gives you one last grin before bounding down the stairs. You watch her disappear into the depths of the subway station.

You stare at the empty place where she once was, then turn away and get back on your bike, beginning to pedal away.

—

You enter the café, eyes still heavy from lack of sleep as you drag yourself through the door, only to be nearly deafened by the sound of loud music blasting from the speakers.

…this isn't the usual song that Jayce plays on the speakers. It's not soft rock, nor is it jazz, or any of those ‘old people’ types of music that he usually has on.

It sounds like... is that heavy metal?  Not just any kind of heavy metal, but the really fast-paced, hyper, head-banging kind.

You step inside and spot Jinx, who is currently in the middle of aggressively sweeping the floor.

Within three seconds of seeing you, the bluenette immediately abandons her task of sweeping, bounds over to the counter, grabs a cup, and holds it out to you.

“Mornin' partner!” she greets, a smirk on her face.

Confused, but too tired to question her, you cautiously take the cup from her. “Uhh... morning.” You nod, looking down at the cup. “Thanks.” You take a small, tentative sip.

Matcha. You almost want to spit it out. But you swallow it anyway. After all, it'd be rude to spit out something someone went out of the way to make for you.

The liquid hits your tongue, and it's… different?

Different from how you make it. It's sweet, too sweet. But oddly, despite its different taste... it's actually kind of good. Good enough to make your morning slightly more bearable.

You set the cup down on the counter, trying to hide how oddly satisfied you feel.

“So?” Jinx asks eagerly, “What do you think?”

“It's... “ Good. The word almost slips out, but you stop yourself, instead clearing your throat and going for a more neutral answer. “Different.”

“Different good or different bad?” she prompts.

“Different... fine,” you say, lifting the cup back to your lips and taking another sip.

That isn't necessarily a lie, right? just because something is different doesn't mean it's good or bad. It's like a math equation, neutral on both sides.

“What's with all the-” you gesture around, “loud music?” you ask, changing the topic.

“Oh, that?” She jabs a thumb behind her towards the speaker. “I was bored out of my mind before you got here, so I changed the music.”

The loud blast of drums and guitar fills the café.

“You like it?” she asks.

It's not... bad. Just different. “I don't know if like it is the right term.”

“Mhmm, but it's good for the morning. Helps wake you up, you know?”

You look back at the cup. The taste is still weird, but the flavor is oddly growing on you. “Yeah, I guess so.”

—

For the next few weeks, every day was the same. Every shift, you stumbled into the café, half-asleep and barely alive, and Jinx would greet you with a cup of matcha latte. She doesn't bother asking if you want one, simply places down your drink and starts her own work in the café.

It's still a drink that normally makes you grimace, but... the way she makes it... she makes it different.

It doesn't make your facial muscles twitch anymore. It just tastes better. It's odd, the way that the drink has changed you. The once bitter, almost disgusting taste that you used to dread is now...

Less bitter and somehow not so awful.

You're actually able to drink it without cringing. And you don't know if that should worry you or not.

Though, there's still one burning question on your mind.

“Why do you keep making this?” you ask her one day.

“Hmm?” She glances up from the coffee machine.

“This.” You gesture to the cup in hand. “You always make me matcha lattes.”

She sets her rag down on the counter and leans against it, resting her chin on her hand. “And why are you asking?”

“I don't know, it's just-” you pause. Why are you asking? It's just a cup of matcha. Who cares? “Just wondering,” you answer, shrugging.

“Is my matcha that bad?”

“It's not that,” you assure her, shaking your head.

“Then what?” she pries. Why do you care?

You shift a bit on your feet, uncomfortable at her question.

Because, it makes you enjoy something that you originally hated. But you don't say that.

“Never mind,” you mutter, shaking your head again and taking a sip.

She just hums and goes back to her task.

From that point on, you never ask the question again. And she continues making the matcha lattes every shift.

—

You stand on the subway train, gripping the pole to maintain balance. 

The train is too crowded to find a seat, so you're forced to just stand. It's a little uncomfortable, but not the worst thing you've experienced.  You're used to these long commutes. Normally, you would be riding your bike all the way to your campus, but your bike decided to betray you this day, and your tire popped.

You still haven't gotten it fixed. You didn't exactly have the money to fix it yet. Which meant you had to rely on public transport, and getting up earlier. You usually listen to music or daydream to pass the time. But today, no music, and your brain is too tired to think.

So you just stand there, staring vaguely at the people crowding around you. They're all strangers. Most of them are wearing business suits, heading to work. Some of them are students, like you, bags slung over their shoulders, looking equally tired.

A particularly loud sound of rattling metal rings in your ears, and you grimace. The subway system is old, outdated, and in need of repair. But it's still better than the old monorail they used a few years back.

You're snapped out of your thoughts as the train jolts to a stop. The doors open with an ear-piercing screech. A group of people file off as a few others get on. You barely pay attention.

You focus on the ground, listening to the rhythmic tcha tcha of the wheels on the track.

Just as your thoughts begin to lull, you're suddenly shaken from your tired trance by the feeling of another hand gripping the pole you're holding.

You lift your gaze and... Jinx?

She stands right across from you, one hand gripping the pole and the other clutching a backpack slung over her shoulder.

“Oh, hey,” she greets, shifting her grip on the pole as the train begins moving again. “What are you doing here?”

“My bike broke,” you mutter. “Flat tire.”

“Ah, that suuuuuucks,” she sympathizes, wincing. “You gonna get it fixed?”

“When I have the time,” you reply, shifting your own grip on the pole. “Or the money,” you add, grimacing as a particularly loud grinding sound rings in your ears.

You keep a decent distance between your body and Jinx, and your hands don't touch. But she stands close enough that you can see the details of her face.

She is surprisingly freckled. They're not visible unless you look closely, but she has a small smattering of brown spots on the bridge of her nose and across her cheeks. Also, she's wearing makeup. The eyeliner and dark eyeshadow are expected, but she's also wearing something purple-glistened on her lips. It almost looks like-

Her tongue darts out, licking the lip gloss off.

You look at her eyes, and she's looking directly at you. You notice her eyes flitting between your own. You're not sure if she's doing it on purpose or if the staring is some strange coincidence.

“Cars are so damn expensive,” she says, shifting her gaze at the floor. “I wish I had enough money to buy a motorcycle.”

“You drive?” 

“I mean, no,” she replies, her gaze lifting again. “But if I had a motorcycle, I could finally ditch public transport.”

“You don't like the subway?”

She gives you a look, gesturing around to the crowded subway train. “Does anyone like it?”

You concede. Good point.

She studies you for a moment, eyes drifting over your bag. “Where are you headed?”

“University. You?”

“Same.”

The train jostles, and you both shift the grip on the pole again. Your hands brush against each other, her hand just above yours.

“Which university?” you ask.

“The Academy,” she answers. “Engineering.”

“That's... an expensive university.” 

“Yeah, it is,” she agrees, adjusting her grip again, her hand almost touching yours. “Full ride scholarship.”

“Damn, really? that's pretty impressive.”

Something in her mouth twitches in distaste, but she swallows it down, nodding her head with a smirk. “Thanks.”

Her gaze moves across your body, then settles on your hand on the pole. She stares at it for too long before looking away.

“Engineering, huh? you a genius or something?”

“Or something,” she says.

The train lurches again, and her fingers touch yours.

She doesn't move away. You don't move away either. Every slight motion causes her fingers to brush your knuckles or your fingertips.

The train continues moving and the silence stretches on. 

Jinx's eyes are everywhere. It's roaming around the train. But it's also flickering back to you. Then it's roaming again. Then it flicks to your hand.

Then, you catch her staring at your lips. “Nice lips,” she suddenly says.

“What?”

“What?” she repeats.

Who compliments someone on their lips? “You just suddenly said I have a nice lips,” you respond.

She looks away, face turning pink. “Uh, I dunno. I think you have a nice lips.”

Another jolt of the train. Her head whips back to look you in the eye. She still does not move her hand.

“You have nice eyes.” You're not sure what possesses you to say that. It just popped out of your brain and into your mouth.

She narrows her eyes at you and snorts. “You think so?” Her thumb brushes against the back of your hand.

“Yeah,” you say, ignoring the shiver that runs down your back at the touch. “Pretty.”

Pretty? Is that the only word you can think of? The word feels insufficient to describe her eyes. Beautiful, gorgeous, striking. Instead, you just say pretty. Idiot.

Her nose is scrunched up, but it does little to hide the redness of her cheeks.

You keep staring at her eyes. And she stares back. Her eyes flick down again to your lips. She wets her own lips. Her thumb rubs the back of your hand, moving in circles.

The train slows and comes to a stop.

“My stop,” you mutter, dropping your hand and straightening up. “I'll see you later at the cafe?”

“Uuhhh, later,” Jinx responds. “And…”

You raise your eyebrow, waiting for her to finish the sentence. But she doesn't. She just looks at you, face turning pink again. “And...?” you press.

She looks away from you. “Nothing. See you later, partner.”

“Later,” you repeat, then push your way out of the crowded train, feeling her stare follow you.

The sound of the train doors shutting makes you look back.

Jinx is still standing in the same place, watching you leave. Her hand is still on the pole, and she's smiling, her cheeks are still pink. But when she sees you looking, that smile fades, and she quickly averts her gaze.

Then the train pulls away, and she disappears from your view. You're left staring at an empty railway, feeling strangely warm.

The ride to your university passes without much thought. For some reason, your brain is too exhausted to focus on anything but the feeling of Jinx's hand on yours.

And even after you arrive at class, you're still preoccupied with thoughts of Jinx.

No, not preoccupied. More like... preoccupied-adjacent. There is nothing to be preoccupied with.

You just got off the subway with your coworker. Just a normal subway ride. There are hundreds of people every day in the subway. People brush against each other all the time.

Nothing strange about that.

But you can't stop thinking about the weight of her hand on yours. Or the brush of her touch. Or the pinkness of her cheeks. Or the freckles on her nose. Or the lip gloss on her mouth. Or her eyes.

...

Okay, fine, you're preoccupied. 

—

The cafe is blissfully empty. You take a quick glance around. Only a few customers are sitting at their tables, quietly working on an assignment or studying for their own midterms.

As usual, a cup of matcha latte is pushed into your hands. It's the same old drink, but this time, it's over ice instead of steaming hot.

“New recipe?” you ask, looking at Jinx, who is brewing coffee.

“Trying something new,” she calls back, focusing on the coffee machine in front of her. “You like it?”

You stare at the ice floating around the top of the drink, then take another sip. “It's fine.”

It's more than fine. It's good. The ice makes it a hell of a lot more refreshing.

Jinx glances at you over her shoulder. “Just fine, huh?” she responds, raising her eyebrow at you.

“Yes,” you answer. “Fine.” Delicious

She goes back to messing with the coffee machine, leaving you to stare at the back of her head.

You continue sipping on the latte, savoring the cool drink. It's an improvement over the usual steaming hot drink. The ice makes the flavors blend differently than it usually does, and it's much more tolerable than the hot version.

Delicious. The word echoes in your brain again, but you ignore it, staring into your cup.

Then your eyes wander towards Jinx's position behind the counter.

Her hair tied up in two braids as she fiddles with the coffee machine. Sometimes, her hair will escape the confinement of the hair ties, and it will dangle about her face. She pauses to pull back a strand of loose hair, tucking it behind her ear. Her attention doesn't deviate from her task, not noticing your gaze following her movements.

Your gaze drifts back to your cup. It's getting low. A few ice cubes remain, still bobbing in the liquid.

You take another sip of the latte.

Just fine. Not delicious.

Maybe it's a bit delicious. A little delicious. Delicious is such a funny word. An odd word. Is it possible to be half-delicious?

You lick your lips, tasting the remains of the ice-cold matcha latte, and glance back at Jinx.

Damn it. Delicious.

—

A month has passed, and you can tell Jinx has improved. Maybe even... good?

Good enough that she's stopped yelling, stopped breaking, stopped accidentally pouring coffee on the customer's shirt. Good enough that the customer is now enjoying their coffee instead of screaming at her. Even Jayce seems pleased, no longer concerned that Jinx would set the coffee machine on fire.

You set a cup down and look over at Jinx, who is standing by the coffee machine. She's working on latte art and actually managing to do a good job.

You watch as she pulls the milk wand away from the foam, leaving behind a decent… is that a heart?

It's just a simple heart, nothing extravagant, but definitely better than all the blobs she'd been trying to pass as latte art weeks ago.

“Not bad,” you comment.

Jinx jumps, nearly causing the matcha to spill over the rim. “Holy fuck,” she hisses. “Warn me next time you sneak up on me like that.”

“I didn't sneak up on you,” you reply, raising an eyebrow. “I was standing next to you the entire time.”

“And you still managed to startle me.”

“I did it on purpose,” you answer, smirking. “Just to see you jump.”

She flips you off and turns her attention back to the drink in front of her. “Ass.”

You grab a rag and clean the countertop. “A heart, huh? Trying to impress someone?”

She shrugs. “Maybe I am.”

You lean against the counter, watching her work on the drink. “Who's this lucky person?”

She hums without taking her eyes off the drink. “None of your business.”

“So there is someone?”

She glances at you out of the corner of her eye, and then she shrugs. “Maybe.”

There is absolutely someone. “Is it someone I know?” you press on, curious.

“Yes.”

You're not sure how to feel about that. On one hand... well, you're curious about who the hell this person is. On the other hand... you feel... jealous?

No, not jealous. More like... annoyed. Yeah… Annoyed.

Your hands grip the rag tighter. “Is it someone I know well?” 

She pauses, her gaze flickering to you for a moment, before looking back at the drink. “Yes.”

Annoyance continues to simmer inside… strange. 

Why does this annoying feeling keep poking and buzzing at your brain? maybe because you had someone in mind? someone who you wish she was talking about? or maybe it was just curiosity getting the better of you.

You try to shrug off the annoyance, continuing to clean the countertop.

“What do you think?” she asks, staring at the matcha latte art.

“I already told you it doesn't look bad,” you reply, still scrubbing at the counter. “You're getting better.”

“I'm always getting better,” she says, “You can taste it if you want.” She turns the drink towards you, holding it out.

You reach over and take the cup from her, your hands brushing against hers. She looks down to look at your fingers for a moment before returning to your face.

You bring the cup up to your lips and take a sip. The moment the liquid touches your tongue, it's as if all the annoyance evaporates. The drink she makes is always delicious. You manage to swallow before the noise threatens to escape from your throat. “Thanks,” you say, lowering the cup.

She just hums, staring at your lips. “You've got…” she begins, pausing to reach out.

She uses her thumb to gently brush away the remaining foam on your upper lip. Her touch is warm and soft, and you instinctively lean into the touch. Her lips are parted a bit, and you can see her teeth slightly biting into the bottom lip. 

“Foam,” she finishes, pulling back her hand. “All gone.” She wipes her finger on her apron.

You can't explain the heat that crawls up your neck. “Thanks.”

She smiles a little, a strangely satisfied gleam in her eyes. “...no problem.”

She continues to stare at you, studying your face. You're not sure why you're so stuck on just staring at each other without talking, but it's like neither of you has anything to say.

It's almost awkward. But not exactly. Awkward would require you to be uncomfortable.

You're not uncomfortable with her eyes on you. It's kind of… comfortable. Like some kind of strange comfort. The kind you get after spending too much time around someone. And you've been around Jinx a lot these past few weeks.

Jinx is the first to break the eye contact by looking away. She clears her throat, staring at the coffee machine next to her. “I'm gonna... make some more coffee…” she mumbles.

And then she just turns and walks away.

You're left standing there, clutching the cup of matcha latte in your hands and staring at the back of Jinx's head as she begins brewing more coffee in the machine.

You're struck with the oddest of desires. You want to go over there, stand next to her, and stare at her face. You want...

You quickly stop yourself.

Why in the hell are you thinking like this? It's a ridiculous thought, that's what it is. You just need some sleep. All this damn thinking isn't going to help anything.

For the rest of your shift, you do your best to avoid looking at Jinx. Unfortunately, you keep finding yourself looking at her anyway.

—

“Are you gonna help me out, or you're gonna stare at your phone the whole time?” Jinx calls out, breaking your concentration.

You look up from the screen of your phone, then realize you've been scrolling aimlessly for the past ten minutes.

���Ohhh… yeahhhh right.” You set the phone on the counter next to hers. “Sorry,” you apologize, beginning to help her with the remaining closing tasks.

The café closing hours are always calm and relaxing. Usually, Jayce is there helping, chatting to you and Jinx. But tonight, Jayce is out doing something important, leaving just you and Jinx to close the café.

This isn't the first time. The two of you have closed the cafe together on several occasions.

You grab a towel and begin wiping down the tables and chairs, making sure to leave the café spotless for tomorrow. Jinx sweeps around the floor, humming something as she works.

When you're both finished cleaning, you and Jinx move to the last step of closing.

You start by putting up the chairs on the tables, stacking them neatly around so they don't collect any dust overnight. Jinx helps as well, putting up her share of chairs, then begins straightening up the chairs as you finish with yours.

Soon, all the chairs are organized on top of the tables, and the café is as tidy as a mouse's ass.

You walk over behind the counter and grab the boxes full of new cups from a low shelf. “Can you help me with this?” you ask, lifting the box and nodding at the other one.

She comes over and helps you, carrying it into the storage room. You trail after her, watching her as she places the box gently on top of the other boxes.

The storage room is a small room connected to the cafe, used to store supplies. The walls, made of concrete, are painted yellow. Inside, the room is tidy, neat, and somewhat small. The floor and walls are covered with several industrial metal racks, stacked with boxes of supplies. A single light bulb hangs from the center of the ceiling, illuminating the room.

You pause and set your box down as well, glancing at her as she dusts off her hands. “I swear, Jayce is way too paranoid about restocking,” she says, glancing around.

You nod. “He's definitely got a bit of a hoarding problem.”

“He'll probably start to fill up the back next.”

“And then he's gonna fill the manager's office.”

“And the bathroom.” She snickers, looking over the boxes. “I swear to god, he needs a damn therapist for this obsession.”

You share a laugh and turn towards the door, Jinx following behind you.

“Well, guess everything is in order-” you start to say, but pause when you turn the doorknob and find that it's locked. You frown and try pulling the knob again, harder this time. It still doesn't budge.

“What the hell?” Jinx comes up beside you and grabs the knob, rattling it a few times. She stops after a few seconds and tries again, but still no luck. “Fuck!” she exclaims, tugging the knob. “Why won't this stupid thing open?!”

“It's damn well jammed.” You kick the door, which does absolutely nothing.

“That's... not good,” Jinx mutters. “I guess this is one of the cons of having a paranoid boss.”

There are no windows into this room, and Jayce won't be back until tomorrow. The only way out is through the door, and it's clearly not budging.

“Looks like we're trapped,” you deadpan.

She swears again, staring at the door. “Of-fucking-course.”

“Guess we're stuck here until tomorrow.”

She grunts. “Great, just great. What are we going to do—wait, do you have your phone?”

“I do, but…” You search your pockets, realization dawning. “I think I left it on the counter.”

She pats her pockets too, and her face falls. “Ugh, same.”

There's a beat of silence as you both process this new information… you're screwed.

Jinx slides down the wall until she's sitting on the cold concrete. Her eyes glance at the other boxes, then back to you. “Are you just going to stand there?”

You sigh and slowly lower yourself next to her. “Guess not.”

“This sucks,” she grumbles, pulling her knees up to her chest.

You look at the storage room around you. There's not much in the storage room. It's all supplies—cups, espresso beans, various syrups, milk-

Oh, milk.

“At least we have food,” you say, pointing at the several cartons of milk stacked on one shelf.

Jinx glances at the milk and scoffs. “Yeah, if we plan on having heart disease. We'll be dead before anyone remembers we're locked in here.”

“Can't you just be a tad... optimistic?” you mutter. “Like you usually are?”

“I'm only optimistic when I'm caffeinated. Now I'm tired and miserable.”

The two of you go back to sitting in silence.

You take a quick glance around the storage room again, noting how bare it is. It's cold in here. No carpet or insulation. Just two people, three days' worth of food, and an uncomfortable concrete floor.

Jinx looks up at the ceiling, probably wondering if this is how her life ends.

“Stop sulking,” you say.

“I'm not sulking.”

“Yes, you are. You can stop being gloom and doom now, it's not that bad.”

“Oh yeah? it's not that bad? we're literally stuck in an empty storage room with nothing to do. Not to mention this floor is cold and uncomfortable-”

“Then sit closer. It'll be warmer,” you interrupt her rant. The moment the words escape your mouth, you realize how it could be interpreted.

You clear your throat awkwardly. No, it's not that bad. It's not... intimate or anything. You're not, y'know, trying to be close. It's just practical. Yes. Practical.

Her gaze flicks to the ground between you, and she shuffles closer, sighing. You watch silently as she scoots over, closer and closer, until your shoulders are touching.

Neither of you speaks for a few moments, both of you focusing on the door in front of you.

“Do you think ghosts are real?” she asks suddenly.

You turn your head to look at her. “Yeah, I think there's someone watching us in that corner.”

“Fuck you.”

“No, really.” You gesture to the darkest corner. “I think I just saw something move.”

She turns her head, staring at the far corner of the storage room. “Really?”

“Yep.”

Both of you stare at the corner for a few seconds. Nothing happens. The corner is completely still. Not a single speck of dust is moving.

She huffs and turns to glare at you. “I hate you.”

You huff in return. “The hell did I do?”

“You're trying to scare me.”

“Maybe I am.”

“If a goddamn ghost really is watching us-”

You cut her off. “What exactly are you worried about?”

“I- I don't know,” she stammers indignantly, “I just—ugh, whatever.”

“I mean, it's not like they'll do anything.”

She gives you a dubious look. “I bet they're already judging me.”

You grin at the thought. “Oh, definitely. I can feel them judging you right now.” You gesture at the dark corner again. “See that? that's Jessica.”

“Jessica?” she repeats.

“Yes, Jessica,” you say with a grin. “She died here and has been here a long time, waiting for the next victim.”

She eyes the corner again, narrowing her eyes. “I can't see anything. Not sure if the ghost is real.”

“She's real, alright. Watch this.” You point at the corner. “Jessica, give her a jumpscare.”

She looks back and forth at the corner, then back at you. “What-” She's cut off when you suddenly poke her side. “AHK-” she yells, jerking away from you. “You-!”

You grin at her. “See? Told you Jessica's real.”

“Are you trying to kill me?” she accuses, shoving you in the chest. “I hate you, you are the worst, motherfucker-”

“Jessica said you should watch your language.”

She swivels her gaze back to the corner. “Jessica can go suck my dic-”

“Jessica said you shouldn't talk to the dead that way.”

She gives you another indignant glare. “Jessica can eat my ass.”

“Ohhhhh, Jessica didn't like that.”

She looks at the corner again, trying to look intimidating. “Jessica, I don't like you.”

“Jessica said she's heartbroken.”

Jinx tries to kick your leg, but you dodge playfully. “Jessica's a damn liar.”

“Maybe Jessica should haunt you for the rest of your life,” you say, still grinning.

She scoffs, turning to look at you. “I bet it's worse to get haunted by a ghost than see a dead body,” she mutters, coughing.

Her words catch you off guard, and you look away, suddenly feeling guilty about joking with her. “Yeah.” You try to think of anything else to say. “Um. Sorry.”

She shrugs. “It's fine. It's just a stupid joke.”

Silence falls between you again, and you stare at the ground, not knowing what to say.

“What if…” you start after an awkward silence, “What if you're being haunted by someone you like forever… I mean, would it be better to get haunted by someone you like instead of… you know, someone you hate.”

She hesitates, looking at nothing in particular. “Uh... probably... yeah.”

“Yeah?” you repeat. “And who would you want to be haunted by?”

“No one,” she quickly replies. “I mean, it's not like I want to get haunted, I just think it would be better if I did.”

There's a beat of silence as the two of you sit, listening to the nothingness of the storage room.

“What if I haunted you?” she asks.

“You?”

Her eyes whip over to you. “Yeah, me.”

“You want to haunt me?”

“Why not?” she responds. “If I had to haunt someone, why wouldn't I pick you?”

You blink. “Why would you pick me?”

“Is a good reason really needed?” she asks, looking away from you. “Maybe I just want to be around you.” She says it nonchalantly, as if she's stating a fact.

A fact that makes no sense to you. Why would she want to stay with you? “That makes literally no sense.”

She shrugs, her knees bumping against yours. “Does it need to make sense?”

“Yes.”

“Why does it need to make sense?”

“Because-” you stumble over your words. “Because you don't get to just say things and expect me to understand-”

“Bullshit.” A retort is on the tip of your tongue, but she cuts you off again before you can respond. “Just answer this.”

“Answer what?”

She stares at you intently, eyes narrowed. “If I said I wanted to stay with you all the time, would that make sense to you?”

“Well, yeah. That makes sense. You already hang around me-”

“No, not just when we work. I mean-” she stops, staring at the floor in an attempt to avoid your gaze. “I want to… be with you.”

“You're already with me,” you say. “We're literally stuck in a storage room together.”

Jinx sighs exasperatedly. “No, I mean, I want to always be with you.” There's a pause. “And… if that means haunting you, then I'd want to haunt you.”

Your brain stops. What? She wants to be with you all the time? As in... always?

...

The floor is suddenly very interesting. You stare at the concrete, trying to process the words that just escaped her mouth.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

Your voice is too fast. “Why would you want-”

“Because I enjoy your company,” she interrupts you quickly, “and you probably wouldn't mind if I was around.” She stares at her fingernails, avoiding your eyes. “I'm just saying,” she continues, “It'd be pretty nice. Spending eternity with you.”

Something in your chest tightens at those words.

Spend eternity with you.

It dawns on you that you're feeling something that you haven't experienced before. Or maybe you've felt it before, on rare occasions. The feeling of your heart beating too fast, for no reason.

Your eyes dart to your hand, lying on your right leg. Her knee brushes against yours again. You look away from your legs and stare at her face.

She's still staring down at her fingers.

In the dim light of the storage room, her face is almost glowing… she looks beautiful. How can someone look so perfect, even when talking about such disturbing things?

Huh. It's strange. Someone who looks so beautiful, talking about something so disturbing.

She tucks a strand of blue hair behind her ear, eyes not lifting from her fingers.

You feel the urge to touch her.

Not in a weird way. But to feel the smoothness of her skin on your hand. To feel her hair run through your fingers. To… you don't know. Just feel her.

“Why-” you start, your voice too loud. You stop talking. Why are you trying to say something?

She glances up and stares back at you. “Hmm?”

“Why me? I mean... there are a lot of people in this shitty city or shitty world, so why would you like to stay with me?”

She looks at you and pauses for a moment. Her knee brushes against yours again, and she scoots closer, resting her head on your shoulder. “I don't care about the world. I just want you.” Her words are quiet, spoken only to you.

Everything in the storage room seems to disappear. The boxes that surround you have disappeared. Everything melts away, except for the girl, resting her head on your shoulder, and the words that she speaks to you. Just the two of you, in a room of shadows.

“You wouldn't mind, do you?” Her words rip you out of your thoughts.

“Mind what?” you respond stupidly.

“Spending an eternity with me.” 

You lick your lips again, but your mouth is completely dry. Your throat is dry too. Your brain is going stupid.

You aren't sure why. It's just... the implication of her words. Of eternity with Jinx.

With the woman who made a shitty job… less shitty. With the woman who somehow made you look forward to the drink that you hated so much, all because she makes it differently. With the woman who taught you that there are some things, even disliked things, that can grow on you.

You realize you're smiling and quickly attempt to return a neutral expression.

You glance down at her head, right below your chin.

You imagine living with her constantly. Stuck with her. For eternity.

It would drive any sane person mad.

You aren't a sane person.

“I wouldn't mind... spending an eternity with you,” you hear yourself saying.

You can feel her smile even though you can't see it. She shifts on the floor, and suddenly her hand is sliding across the space between you. Her fingers are brushing against your arm, slowly creeping down as if to find yours.

“That's good,” she murmurs.

Her hand finally finds yours, she stops for a second, and then she slowly intertwines your fingers together.

You move your thumb across her knuckles, tracing the lines and veins. You'd thought about holding her hand once before. You'd never thought that it would make breathing so much more difficult.

Her thumb starts doing the same, tracing over your knuckles.

You glance at her hand, interlocked with yours. You stare at the bandages as Jinx continues to trace over your veins, the pads of her fingers soft and delicate as they brush against your skin.

Her hand is so gentle and yet also so rough at the same time. Rough, because you can feel the callouses, the slight scrapes across her knuckles. Gentle, because even with her rough skin, her hand still touches you so softly.

What would it be like, being with her forever? Always.

Would the moments like this become mundane? would it get old? holding her hand and sitting in a storage room, talking with her?

She pulls her head away from your shoulder and looks fully at you.

You notice how close she is. You could easily reach out and touch the strands of hair that fall over her forehead. Her eyes are dilated, looking at you with what can only be affection.

You realize how easy it would be to kiss her.

“I wouldn't mind it either,” she says.

Her eyelashes flutter, and her gaze darts to your lips. You feel a heat grow in your chest, and your own eyes drift to her lips, slightly parted.

You aren't sure who leans in, but one of you is shifting forward.

She swallows, and her tongue flicks out to wet her own lips. You find yourself unconsciously copying their movement, licking your bottom lip.

You think about how her lips would feel. Soft? Warm? What would it taste like-

And then she turns her head away from you and back into the corner, clearing her throat awkwardly. You clear your throat as well, trying to think of something else to focus on.

Anything but how close her lips were to yours.

She squeezes your hand briefly before letting go, and the loss of her touch leaves a cold feeling on your skin. “Uh-” her voice is slightly hoarse, “is Jessica still there?”

—

The next few days went by in a dull routine, one that you quickly fell back into. Wake up. Go to class. Study. Work. Classwork. Get some sleep.

It was just like the rest of any normal week, except one thing had changed.

Jinx.

Or rather, the lack of Jinx. 

She hadn't shown up to work. You didn't know why, but the fact that you arrived at work and she wasn't there to hand you a matcha latte was definitely... odd.

You had gotten used to the smell of her matcha assaulting you the minute you stepped into work, to the point where the smell of coffee beans seemed unusually bland.

And now there was just coffee.

Even the matcha latte you had made yourself didn't taste the same. You're not sure why you had decided to make yourself a matcha latte.

It's stupid to do. You hate matcha, you've always hated it.

Too bitter. And yet...

No amount of sugar can seem to make it sweet, like Jinx somehow does. Nothing seemed to taste the same without her. Matcha, bitter. Coffee, bland. Café, boring.

Everything had suddenly, and quite inexplicably, felt wrong… like…

The sugar in the cabinet was suddenly moved to a new place, and you couldn't remember where the hell it was now because it wasn't where it was before. Or an apocalypse, but instead of surviving a nuclear blast or zombies, you now had to survive the absence of someone you didn't quite know you had begun to depend on so much.

You look at the clock. Only four hours left of this shift. Only four hours.

—

“Oh, did you not hear? Jinx is sick,” Jayce says. “She called saying she was sick, probably not coming in for a week or so.”

“Sick?” you echo.

“Yeah, she didn't sound too good.” He shakes his head as he continues making coffee. 

“When did she call?” 

He pauses what he's doing. “Uh... about a couple days ago.”

She called in over a couple days ago, and you're only being told now. “Couple days…” you repeat, just to clarify. “Why are you just telling me now?”

“I thought you knew?”

“No, I didn't.”

Jayce looks mildly annoyed as he finishes up a customer's order. “She told me she talked to you about it.”

“She talked to me? When?”

“Are you telling me she didn't talk to you?”

“She didn't. Not one word.”

He finishes the order and hands the coffee to a customer. “That's weird. You guys are close, I thought she would've told you that she was sick.”

Close. That's the word that sticks in your head when he says it. Close enough where she would've told you something as big as not being able to come to work for a week. Right? but she didn't tell you anything.

“She didn't tell me anything,” you say.

He scratches his chin. “Maybe she forgot to tell you?”

“Maybe.” Maybe. 

Or maybe she was avoiding you. Maybe she just didn't want to talk to you. Maybe she suddenly had an epiphany about how you were close. Maybe she just didn't want to be close anymore. Maybe she got scared and regretted it.

But that makes no sense.

If she regretted it, why would she have held your hand so tightly? why would she have said that you were the person she wanted to spend an eternity with? why would she say it like it was something she had thought about for a while?

“Maybe you should go check up on her?” Jayce suggests, shaking his head like he can sense your train of thought going off the rails.

“Check up on her?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, she might appreciate some company. Someone to look after her while she's sick.”

“I'm not sure if-,” you begin, but you're cut off by Jayce.

“Come on, it'd be nice for her,” he urges. “She doesn't have anyone else around to check up on her.”

You remember her telling you that her last family was killed when she was a kid, and she lives alone. She also mentioned that her sister is in prison.

Yeah, maybe you should go check on her.

After all, why wouldn't you? it would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do. You cared enough about her to go see how she was doing.

You care about her, so it only makes sense to go check on her. “Yeah,” you say, “I'll go see her.”

“Alright. I can handle the rest of the shift if you want to go.”

—

The entire commute there is a test of your sanity.

It takes nearly two hours to finally reach her address, the commute filled with cramped subway trains and waiting in pouring rain for buses to show up. Your hair is wet and sticking to your face.

Carrying a bag of the matcha sweets she liked was easy enough, but the latte was a little more difficult. It kept sloshing in the cup and threatening to spill over the edge with every step you took. Still, you managed not to dump the drink all over yourself.

By the time you finally arrived at her apartment, all you wanted to do was collapse in a chair and take a nap for the rest of the year.

And it was only 4:35 in the afternoon.

You look at the piece of scrap paper that Jayce gave you with Jinx's address on it. Fifth floor, room 505.

With a weary groan, you take the stairs. The elevator is broken, and there's no way in hell you're taking that janky elevator. You feel like it might just get stuck halfway and drop you to your death.

When you reach her floor, you're pretty sure you're ready to die. You walk around the hall and look at the first few doors.

500... 501... 502… 503... 504...

You pass a group of teenagers who walk past you with their phones out, shouting at the top of their lungs and shoving each other around. A baby is crying in some apartment as you pass the door, and a dog is barking from behind another.

505.

You eye the door, taking a moment to catch your breath and try to straighten out your wet clothes. Here goes nothing.

You knock on the door. No answer at first. You knock again. Nothing.

You knock louder, hoping to get some kind of response. It's another solid minute of no answer, and you're getting increasingly annoyed. She's either asleep or-

The door suddenly opens.

“Yeah, who-” Jinx starts but then stops speaking entirely when she sees you. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

She's wearing a threadbare gray t-shirt that hangs off one of her shoulders and barely comes anywhere close to covering any of her thighs. She has a tissue shoved into her nose and dark circles around her eyes. Her hair is messy, unbrushed, and unkempt.

Is this really the same person who had been handing you daily lattes every day for two months?

“Well, that's a hell of a greeting,” you grumble, shifting your bag and the nearly spilled latte to your other hand.

She's looking at you like you've done something wrong. Actually, she's looking at you like she's trying to kill you with just a stare.

You hold up the bag. “Brought food.”

“You shouldn't be here,” she spits out before slamming the door shut.

…wow. That was a warm welcome.

All you wanted to do was give her food and check to see if she was ok. She was sick, alone, and she probably didn't have anything to eat. And she just slammed the door in your face?

Screw this. You turn around ready to leave but stop when you hear the door creak open.

“Hey.” You turn and look over your shoulder. The door is open, but only slightly. Jinx peeks her head out the door, glaring at you. “What kind of food?” she asks, pointing to the bag

Not the kind of apology you're hoping for, but you'll take it. “Matcha sweets and a latte that I made.”

“That actually sounds-” she cuts herself off and sniffles, “...alright.” She opens the door all the way and turns to go back into the apartment. “Come in or leave, but don't just stand there like an idiot.”

You scoff and step inside, cautiously shutting the door behind you.

The first thing you notice is the smell. It doesn't smell exactly like garbage, but it stinks of old clothes and day-old food. It's not quite disgusting, it's not quite nice, but it reeks. Like someone hasn't opened a window and aired out the apartment in a while.

The next thing you notice is how much everything there is. Clothes sprawled over the couch, cans of energy drinks strewn across the floor, boxes of takeout littering the kitchen counters.

“Make yourself at home,” she says sarcastically, kicking a pile of clothes out of the way so you can sit on the couch. She pulls a tissue out of her nose and tosses it onto the floor.

You tentatively take a seat on the couch, shifting the latte and bag to the coffee table. Your eyes dart around the room as Jinx continues to shove things off the couch and onto the floor.

The entire wall beside the couch is covered in papers... and notes... and equations. It looks like a bunch of chemical compounds and designs.

She doesn't seem to notice you staring at the wall as she collapses onto the other end of the couch.

There are a few diagrams of rockets and some drawings of the coffee shop. Drawings of her and her deceased family, her deceased friends, and a drawing of… 

Wait- 

Is that your face? 

A drawing of your face is taped to the wall, scribbled with notes around it. ‘Nice lips.’

“What the-” you start, tilting your head to get a better look.

Jinx looks at you, noticing where you're staring, then follows your line of sight. She immediately turns red. “Oh. Uh-” she stutters, sitting up. 

“Did you-” you try to ask.

“It's nothing,” she says quickly, jumping off the couch. She scrambles towards the wall, tearing off the drawing. “Just a—just a quick sketch, it means nothing.”

You're fairly sure it means something, but you don't get the chance to press her further as she rips the paper apart and throws it into the trash can, avoiding your gaze.

“Anyway-” she says, plopping back down on the couch, “-I bet the food's good, right?”

Food... right. That was the whole point of coming over in the first place. “Uh... yeah.”

You watch as she grabs the latte and takes a sip. “Ugh, this is too bitter.” She sets down the latte and pushes it away from her. “What'd you put in this? It tastes like dirt.”

“The same stuff I always put in it,” you respond, slightly annoyed at the insult to your latte making abilities.

She shrugs and picks up one of the matcha sweets instead, popping it in her mouth. “Might as well teach you how to make one when I'm back.”

You watch her chew the sweets, then pause, letting out a sniffle, then reach up to wipe her nose with the back of her hand.

She lets out a dry cough. “Why exactly are you here?” 

“Jayce told me you were sick,” you reply.

“I'm not—wait, Jayce told you that?”

“Yeah, he did.”

“Why were you even listening to him?”

“Because I was worried about you.”

She looks at you for a moment, then turns to grab another tissue and shoves it into her nose. “I'm not sick... just busy.”

You pointedly look around. “Uh huh,” you grumble, “Doing what exactly?”

“Stuff.”

“Stuff like-” you gesture to the entire mess. “-this?”

“It's my midterms, idiot.”

“So, no one's been cleaning up?” you ask, eyes darting around again in the apartment.

“I don't have time,” she complains, before letting out a deep cough and clutching her chest in pain. “I have more important things to do. Besides, do I look like I can clean when I can't even breathe through my damn nose right now?” Jinx sniffs, then reaches for another matcha sweet, her hair falling over her face.

You give her a sidelong glance. “You look like you're about to keel over.”

“Don't be dramatic.”

“I'm not,” you say, reaching out a hand to touch her forehead, checking for a fever.

She swats your hands away. “Don't touch me.”

You retract your hand. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. Why are you even here anyway? You don't have to worry about me.”

“I know I don't have to.”

“Then just go. I'm busy.”

You groan. “You're sick. You need, like, I don't know, someone to take care of you.”

“I'm fine-” she coughs again, “-I just need to-” Another dry cough, and she grabs another tissue. “I just need to-,” another cough, “-finish my midterm exam.”

“You need to rest.”

“I can't rest.”

“Why not?”

“Because I'm behind.”

“What's the exam?”

She pauses, then reluctantly gestures to the mess on the wall. “I'm trying to design something, and it requires a lot of diagrams and calculations.”

So that's what all those equations and numbers and notes are. But that doesn't explain why her apartment is such a wreck.

“And that's why you haven't cleaned up?” you ask.

She glares at you, tossing the used tissue. “How would you react if you had a deadline, and you were on the verge of throwing up?”

“I know you're stressed, but-”

“You don't know anything!” Jinx snaps all of a sudden, standing up and looking you dead in the face.

“Seriously, what's your problem?” you retort.

“My problem is that you're here when you shouldn't be-”

“I'm here because I was worried about you. You-”

She interrupts you again. “Well, you shouldn't be. I don't want your help.”

“You don't want my help,” you repeat slowly.

“You heard me.”

You bite your tongue and take a deep, slow breath. “Then…” you manage to choke out, “...whose help do you want?”

“Nobody's,” she mutters. “I don't need anyone's help. I've done just fine for years. I can do it myself.”

But you shouldn't have to. 

She continues as she walks towards her bedroom. “I'm sick and tired and trying to finish something that's due in a few days, and I don't need you to come barging in, trying to-” She stops, clutching her chest and coughing again.

“You should be resting and taking it easy-” you coax, standing.

“I would be resting and taking it easy if you weren't here.”

You freeze, feeling yourself grow cold. 

You know she's just cranky, that she's sick and upset that she's stuck like this, that her deadline is near, and that you're just the person who happens to be around.

“Sorry,” you mumble, “didn't know you wanted me gone.”

She opens her mouth, hesitating for a second, before nodding her head firmly. “I'm sick, and I need to finish some work. So just do me this one favor and get out.”

Her words are harsh, more harsh than you think you can handle.

But even more than the fact they were words of rejection and anger, what hurt was the feeling that those words were coming from the same woman who had, just days earlier, curled against you, told you that you were the one she wanted to spend an eternity with.

“Fine,” you say quietly, “If that's what you want.”

She looks at you, and you swear for a second you think you see her expression soften, but then she nods her head again. “Yeah, that's what I want.”

You glance around at the mess of diagrams and paperwork plastered on the walls, the trash littered everywhere, and the couch that looked like it hadn't been slept on in days. 

“I'll see you at work,” you say lamely, turning away and walking towards the door.

She doesn't say a word to stop you. You open the door, and you want her to say something to stop, a please, a wait, or anything, but nothing comes.

With one last glance back at her, you leave.

—

“That was…” Jayce starts, pausing. “Did she even listen to you?”

“She was more dead set on booting me out of there.”

He lets out a breath. “She's stubborn.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “And stupid as hell.”

“But she's unwell,” he continues.

“Doesn't give her an excuse to say that I shouldn't be there.”

“True.” He looks over at you. “You look upset.”

You scoff. “Of course I'm upset. I show up to see how my friend is feeling, and her immediate response is to kick me out. Like she doesn't want me anywhere near her.”

Jayce frowns. “Don't take it too personally. She's not trying to hurt you on purpose. I'm sure that once she's feeling better, she'll apologize.”

—

She did not, in fact, apologize.

It's been over a week since you entered her apartment, Jinx isn't sick anymore and isn't busy with midterms, she's back to how she usually was. She talks, she laughs, she jokes but never looks in your direction, no word, no greetings… and not once does she ever slide a cup of matcha in your direction like she used to.

Whenever she works with you, she keeps things strictly professional. Her hands never accidentally brush against yours, and she never stands closer than necessary.

You've tried giving her space, hoping she'd approach you when she was ready to talk it out. But the space never got filled.

It's like, in a single day, you went from being... almost something to nothing.

—

Jayce calls out your name from the counter as you wipe down the tables.

“What?” you call back, watching as Jayce walks over to you. 

He nods towards Jinx, who is currently chatting with a customer. “When are you going to talk to her?”

“When are you going to stop being so nosy?”

He snorts. “I want to help you two sort this out. She's too stubborn, and so are you.”

“She doesn't want to talk to me,” you reply.

“Because you both are too proud.”

“Or I just don't want to go chase after her when it's clear she doesn't want to talk to me.”

Jayce sighs. “Look, you're my friend, I want to help you work it out.”

“She doesn't want to talk, Jayce,” you say firmly. “I don't know how to fix this if she's ignoring me.”

“That's the point, you have to make her talk.”

You scoff. “Yeah, make a girl talk who probably wants me dead right now.”

“She doesn't want you dead. Do you think it's a coincidence that she makes a point to talk to all the other regulars?”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

He lifts his shoulders. “I'm just saying, every time you're here, she tends to talk more to the customers, especially the male ones.”

“Are you saying she's flirting now?”

“No, I'm saying she's doing it for your attention.”

“Why would she be doing it for my attention? She made it pretty clear she doesn't want me around.”

He throws his arms up. “Because she wants you to get jealous. She wants you to react to it. She wants you to get mad and do something about it.”

“How would you know?”

“Maybe the fact that she's been glancing at you every five minutes for the past hour?”

“...she's not.”

“Yes, she is.”

“Stop saying that, I see her right-” and your sentence cuts off as your eyes flick over to where Jinx is, she's still talking to a customer.

The customer leans closer to her and says something that clearly makes her laugh. Her eyes dart in your direction as she laughs.

She's definitely looking at you. Jayce is right, she is looking at you. Her laughter dies at the same time her eyes lock on yours. She averts her gaze the moment she sees that you caught her.

“See?” Jayce says, “She keeps looking at you. She's doing it for your attention, not anyone else's.”

“Okay, so let's say she's doing it for my attention,” you continue. “What am I supposed to do about it? You said it yourself, she's stubborn.”

“You're going to have to do something that gets her attention. Make her upset, make her angry, make her do something. She won't talk unless you push her to.”

You stare at him. “Are you really implying what I think you're implying?”

He grins smugly. “That depends, what do you think I'm implying?”

“You're asking me to make her jealous.”

“I'm not asking you to do anything,” he retorts. “I'm suggesting you do it because it'll work. Do you want to continue like this, ignoring each other, for god knows how long? or do you want to get this sorted out?”

It sounds absurd. Ridiculous. Stupid. Immature. But if it makes her talk to you… “You really think it'll work?” you finally relent.

He grins knowingly. “Oh, it'll definitely work.”

—

It was a really stupid idea, especially coming from Jayce. But he was pretty adamant about it, and you were a bit too desperate.

You're trying your best to not scratch at the sleeve of this stupid shirt that Jayce forced you to wear. It's a dark blue long sleeve. Jayce claimed to have worn it on a ‘date,’ and it ‘worked’ with the person he was trying to date at the time. Now, you're the one wearing it.

“This is stupid.”

“No, it isn't,” Jayce insists from behind the counter. “It'll definitely work.”

“It's dumb.”

“Will you just do it?” he huffs. “She's going to be here soon.”

There's no way in hell this would work. It's just a shirt. There's no way that Jinx would-

The bell on the cafe door rings as it opens.

Jinx is walking through the door. She spots the counter where Jayce and you are, and she stops for a second.

She takes a look at you from head to toe, her gaze lingering longer on the dark blue shirt, and then she forcefully looks away from you and begins walking towards the break room where the lockers are.

Jayce elbows you in the side, nodding in her direction. “See? It's working-”

You elbow him back. “She just went to the break room, how is that working?”

“That was just the first step. Wait and see.”

—

You stand by the coffee machine, waiting for it to finish brewing a drink for a customer. Jinx is on the other side, making a different drink.

The machine's steam causes the sweat on your lower forearms to be sticky, causing the cloth to cling to your skin, and so you roll them up slightly, just above the elbow.

You make a point to not look at her, but you feel her attention fall onto your forearms, her eyes trailing down to the way your arms look, seeing the cloth of the shirt clinging from the sweat.

At the corner of your eye, you see her biting her lip, her breath hitching, and there's a subtle flush on her cheeks.

She looks away the second she realizes that you caught her staring at your arms, but it was enough for you to know that she was.

It's working. Damn it, it's actually working.

—

You feel her breath on the back of your neck as she reaches behind you for the coffee machine, her body just barely brushing against your back.

She quickly pulls away, going back to her end of the counter. “It's really hot in here,” she mumbles.

You nod, picking up a towel and wiping some sweat off your neck, lifting the collar of your shirt to wipe off your collarbone. “I know, the air conditioning really sucks.”

She stares at you, her eyes traveling down your neck to your collarbone. “It's hot in here…” she repeats. Then, she swallows and looks away with a cough, the steam from the machine giving a good excuse for the redness on her face. “Yeah, it really sucks.”

It goes on like that. Glances are stolen. Awkward touches are exchanged. The air seems to grow hotter every time you're near her.

You're surprised neither of you have passed out from heat exhaustion yet.

—

“Are you free this Friday..?” The customer in front of you asks.

You're well aware of the fact that Jinx is behind you. You can hear her moving around. “Uh, I-” you pause, trying to ignore the eyes that are boring into your skull. “Yeah. Why?”

“Do you have a…” she trails off and glances over your shoulder, “Girlfriend?”

Jayce coughs obnoxiously beside you as he wipes the countertop. You almost give him a look, but instead, you shake your head. “No, I'm single.”

There's a loud bang behind you. Jinx bumps something, and whatever it is clanks against the floor.

“Really?” she continues, her voice raising a tone. “A pretty girl like you doesn't have a girlfriend?”

Jayce says something under his breath, and you swear you hear a muttered “yet.”

You ignore him and respond to the customer. “Uh, you think I'm pretty?”

The customer looks you up and down, her eyes stopping just below your chest before slowly trailing down. “Yeah, you're pretty hot,” she replies as she leans forward, resting her hand on the counter and showing off way more skin than what most would consider decent.

“Ah, thank you,” you say politely, forcing your gaze to stay on the customer's face and not... anywhere else. “You're pretty yourself.”

There's another clang behind you.

The customer laughs and twirls a strand of her hair. “I bet you say that all the time.”

Jinx steps around you, almost brushing against your side.

“Not really,” you reply, keeping your eyes trained away from her. “I don't really-”

You're interrupted suddenly by Jinx, who is now standing directly beside you, grabbing something from the shelf. She leans in closer, her chest almost brushing against your arm as she grabs something.

It's the first time she's been so close to you in weeks.

She leans back, holding a container of matcha powder—the same one she always uses to make your latte—and she looks you in the eye. “You want your latte, right?” she asks you. She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

Yes. You miss her matcha latte so much. “No,” you force yourself to say, avoiding her eyes.

“Oh,” she says, she sounds surprised? “Really?” She looks down at the matcha powder, running a thumb over the label, and looks back up at you.

Don't look at her. “Yeah, I... I don't want one,” you lie.

“Are you sure? It's been a while since you had my matcha latte.”

You want one so much. You want her to smile and be carefree and make you a latte that will warm you down to the core, but- “I'm sure,” you lie again. “I'm good.”

“That's... that's a shame.”

“Yeah,” you reply, and you want to punch yourself because no, it's not a shame, it's a sin. You are an idiot. “Definitely a shame.”

She's just a few inches away, and all you want to do is reach out for her, take her into your arms, and make her look at you, but she looks at the matcha in her hands.

“Guess I wasted this then,” she mumbles before putting the container back and starting to take orders from the other customers.

“Idiot,” Jayce mutters, and you elbow him hard in the gut. He doubles over, clutching his stomach, and you turn back to the customer.

“Uh… anyway,” you say, then turn your attention back to the customer, forcing yourself to smile. “What were you saying?”

—

After a long shift, the café is finally empty, and the cleanup is done. You've mopped up the floors, put everything away, you're starting to get all nice and sweaty, and the break room has a much-needed air conditioner.

You open your locker and shoved your apron inside, sweat clinging to your shirt and making it cling to your skin. You grimace and reach down, trying to fix the collar of the shirt that feels tighter than normal.

Before you have a chance to readjust it, a glimpse of something in the locker catches your eye. You look down, and there, sitting in the center of your locker, is a cup of matcha latte.

You didn't put it there. Jayce didn't put it there either. So there is only one other person who could have put it there.

You pick up the cup, looking at the steaming drink. Well, you aren't going to drink it just to let it go to waste.

You immediately take a sip, feeling the warm, sweet taste of matcha on your tongue. It's been so long since you had this, and it's still the same taste as the ones she used to make for you when you two were in a... good place.

That was a long time ago now. Things are different now.

“So you do want one.”

A familiar voice makes you jump, causing you to almost spill the drink. You turn around to find the bluenette leaning against the doorframe to the break room.

“I made it for you, in case you wanted it,” she adds, entering the break room, then leaning one shoulder against the row of lockers. Jinx looks at your face, then your shirt. “You look sweaty.”

You want to say something, but your brain forgets how to function when she's looking you up and down.

“I like the shirt,” she comments, pointing at the shirt that is a little too tight around your shoulders. “It looks good. Fits you well.”

“It's not my shirt,” you reply, placing the cup down on a nearby table, hoping that she'll let that be the end of that. “Jayce gave it to me.”

“He did?” she asks, and you catch a subtle whiff of her favorite perfume. It makes you want to grab her and drown in it.

“Uh, yeah,” you mutter, pulling the collar of your shirt nervously.

She looks over to your nervous gesture, and her lips twitch. “You should loosen the collar,” she notes. “You're going to suffocate like that.”

Her comment gives you pause, and you try loosening the collar, but your sweaty hands can't get a grip. “Here.” 

She reaches up, her delicate fingers undo the first few buttons of your shirt, exposing your collarbones. Her fingers then pull the collar slightly, allowing your hot skin the cool touch of air.

“There,” she murmurs once the collar is loose. “That looks more comfortable.”

You manage to find enough sanity to nod, knowing that if you speak now, your voice will most likely crack. You expect her to pull back, but her fingers remain, trailing over your collar as though they just happened to land there.

Her eyes roaming over your neck before lifting to your face. Your eyes are caught on her as well, studying every movement of her face, the way her expression softens and her eyes drift over your features.

“...I'm sorry.”

The words finally bring your attention back. “What?” 

She pauses, biting her bottom lip. “I said I'm sorry,” she clarifies. “I... I shouldn't have snapped at you like that a week ago. Shouldn't have said what I said.”

“Then why did you?” you ask, eyes fixed on her lips.

Jinx seems to struggle with her next words, her hand finally dropping from your collar. “...I don't know how to handle things well,” she whispers, “I wasn't... I wasn't feeling well either. That's why I lost it. You showed up... when I wasn't in the right mind frame, and I said all these stupid things-”

She sighs and pushes some hair behind one of her ears. “I was stupid. I was stupid, and I said some awful things. Words I didn't mean and couldn't take back. Everything with my college work started to pile up, and I felt like I couldn't handle it. So you showed up and-” she swallows. “-I took it out on you… and then I just ignored you for a week.” She shifts from foot to foot. “I… I wasn't trying to avoid you. I just... I thought you'd be annoyed.”

“Annoyed because you were ignoring me?”

“No—yes—maybe—I don't know, alright?” she says hastily. “I just... I wasn't in the mindset to talk, ok? I was trying to figure things out.”

“You could’ve told me-”

“-I don't do so well when it comes to opening up about my feelings-” she stops, then shakes her head. “-I don't do so well with being honest with myself.”

You let out a breath. “I know... I know you don't, but that-”

“Stop,” she interrupts you, raising a hand. “Just... stop. I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that I should work on being better instead of pushing you away.” She continues. “I know I do it. I know I'm bad at it, and I'm not good with my emotions. I know I'm not the best at saying how I feel. I know I should work on my communication.”

“Why don't you then?” you ask bluntly. “Why don't you do something about it? why can't you just try to deal with things instead of pushing me away and dealing with everything alone? why can't you just talk to me instead of bottling everything up?”

She closes her eyes, looking away. “I don't know,” she exhales, “I just... I don't know how.”

“You could start today,” you tell her, reaching out. Your fingers brush over the back of her hand.

Her eyes drop to where you touch her and linger.

“Right now,” you emphasize, “Just... try. You don't have to start working on all your emotions and feelings. Just say one thing. Tell me how you feel, right now.”

She shakes her head, refusing to look at you.

“Tell me one thing,” you insist, “Just one thing. Try.”

She sighs, as if you're the worst person in the world. Maybe you are. “Okay-” she starts and finally looks up, “If you're trying to make me spill out my feelings-”

“I am,” you confirm. “That’s exactly-”

“-Then maybe I should show you first-” she continues over you “-What I'm feeling.”

She suddenly reaches out and grabs the back of your neck, gripping it tight enough to pull you forward.

“Hey-” you stumble, hands instinctively wrapping around her waist, but any protests you might've had are smothered because her lips are suddenly on yours.

A week of ignoring each other, and suddenly she's kissing you.

Her lips are so soft. So soft and insistent, and when you don't respond because your brain is still trying to catch up, her teeth graze over your bottom lip, and it's this gesture that snaps you out of it.

You kiss her back, eyes finally closing, and lean in to meet her. Your fingers sink into the fabric of her shirt, and her arms wind around your neck. Her mouth parts, and you take the silent invitation, your tongue slipping in, exploring the inside of her mouth.

She tastes like the feeling when it's cold, and your teeth ache, and it feels like all warmth has left your body, but then you take a sip of your hot drink, and the burn of the drink goes down your throat, and you feel just the tiniest bit warmer. It's not enough, it isn't enough to make your fingers warm or the tip of your nose, but still, the small warmth you feel is better than none.

You want to bottle up this feeling, this taste, and store it in the back of your throat until, when you need it, you can just swallow and feel the warmth.

She hums, low in her throat, and it sounds like a moan. She pushes you forward until your back is met with the lockers, pinning your body between the hard surface and herself.

Her teeth graze your lip again, her tongue teases yours, and you shiver despite the warmth you feel. “I was stupid,” she mumbles against your mouth, “So, so stupid.”

You grunt out some sort of agreement because yes, she is stupid and yes, you're stupid and yes, you're both idiots for ignoring each other.

You feel her smile before she pulls herself away. “That,” she murmurs, breathless, “that was what I was feeling.”

You open your eyes to look at her, and notice her pink cheeks, half-lidded eyes, her swollen lips, and you fight down the urge to turn her around and just shove her back against the locker and kiss her senseless.

“Are-” you manage, breathing hard, trying to regain the words that have fled from your head, “Are all your emotions channeled through your mouth?”

“Maybe,” she says, eyes dropping to your lips. “Is there a problem with using my mouth?”

There are a lot of words you would like to say. Words relating to how her mouth has driven you crazy for a long time, that you've spent more time than you'd like to admit imagining what it would be like to kiss her and see that mouth do things other than talking.

Too bad, all those words are stuck in your throat. “No,” you grit out, “No... there's no problem.”

“Great,” she replies, then grins, leaning closer until your noses bump. “Then maybe my mouth has more things to show you.”

—

The usual routine of making matcha lattes continues, and the days slowly pass.

Each day, Jinx greets you with a smile and a cup of that disgustingly good matcha. You no longer try to argue with your taste buds. You have given up and accepted the matcha as a part of yourself. Now you drink the horrible drink willingly.

And your relationship with Jinx went from ‘maybe something’ to ‘maybe nothing’ to ‘definitely something.’ You're finally dating, which isn't to say that everything is magically all better. Jinx is still Jinx, and you're still you.

So not everything changes.

The cafe still looks the same, the customers still act the same, you still have to deal with shitty customers and traffic. But even through all the normal, unchanged things, there's one thing that's different.

Jinx is now in your life.

“Hey-” Jinx waves a hand in front of your face. “Are you listening to anything I'm saying?”

“Uh-” you blink, returning to reality. “...yeah,” you lie, giving a sheepish smile, “totally listening.”

She stares at you for a long, long moment, as if trying to determine if you're lying to her or not. Apparently, she thinks you're being truthful.

“Great, now pay attention.” She resumes her instructions, and you try your hardest to pay attention. Mostly. Maybe.

You watch as she grabs a glass bottle from the shelf above the coffee machine and pours a small amount of... something into her mug. “What's that?” you ask.

“Honey.”

“Yeah?”

“Honey,” she repeats, tilting the bottle for you to see. “Honey. Sweet, golden honey.”

Ah, that honey. “That's what I thought.” You nod, like that completely makes sense.

Jinx rolls her eyes but hands you the bottle so you can read the label for yourself.  “This,” she explains, “is what makes my matcha better.”

You look between the bottle and the mug of matcha before placing the honey back on the shelf.

She stirs the matcha and takes a sip, then gives you a smug look. “See? That's why it's better.”

The honey is almost as sweet as the way she's looking at you.

“Sweet,” is what you say instead of how you'd love nothing more than to taste it off her lips. 

She stares at you for a moment, and then she smirks. “Want to try it?” she asks, holding out the cup.

“Sure,” you answer. Why not?

You reach for the cup and lift it to your mouth. You take a small sip of the hot liquid, and… the matcha is sweet, and sweeter because it was in her mouth only moments ago.

“What do you think?” she asks as she takes the drink and sets it on the counter.

“Perfect,” you admit, licking your lips, trying to get rid of some of the sweetness.

She lifts up a hand, her thumb brushes against your lip, wiping away the remnants of the matcha. “You missed a bit.”

You want to grab her hand and-

She pulls her hand away from your mouth and then sucks off the same thumb that had lingered against you while staring at you directly in the eye. “Mhm… Tastes better this way.”

That's it. You'll drag her into the break room and kiss her until neither of you can breathe-

But, before you can do any of that, the cafe door chimes.

Customer, your brain reminds you. It's like getting pulled from a dream... right as it's getting good.

“Hey,” she whispers, “Let's continue this later, yeah?” 

That... sounds like a great idea. Amazing idea. Customer first. And then later.

—

The wind whips through both of your hairs as you pedal down the sidewalk. After putting in long hours and some very generous coffee tips, you've saved up enough to finally repair your bike.

Your ears pick up a familiar chuckle. “This is awesome!” she exclaims, “We're like birds, but cooler.”

Jinx's arms are wrapped around your waist, her legs pressed up beside your thighs, and you don't need to see her face to know that she's grinning.

You grip the handlebars tighter. “We're nothing like birds,” you reply, “Birds can actually fly.”

You feel the soft brush of her lips against the back of your shoulder. “But we're much cooler, right?” she counters.

Your retort dies in your throat as she presses her chin to your shoulder.

“Mmm, I'll take your silence as a yes,” she hums, her breath tickling your ear. She nuzzles her nose against the back of your neck. “You know, I don't think I've ever been this happy.”

“Ever?” you ask, focusing on the road in front of you. “Of all the years you've lived, you're the happiest now? when you're sitting on a bike, of all things?”

She pinches your waist, making you twitch slightly. “Well, if we're being honest, it's not the bike I'm happiest about,” she replies. “It's you that I'm happiest about.”

You roll your eyes to yourself. She's always so honest. You're grateful that she isn't in front of you, because your face feels unusually warm despite the breeze. “You like me that much?” you ask, half joking, half serious.

“Mmm,” she hums, “I like you a lot, actually. Like... a lot, lot.” Each word is emphasized with a light kiss to your shoulder.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup,” she continues to pepper kisses on your back. “My favorite person in this whole, shitty city.”

“I'm honored,” you quip, trying to sound mocking, but the tone is ruined by the fact that you're smiling without realizing.

She snorts at your lame response against your shoulder, and you feel the brush of her fingertips underneath the hem of your shirt.

“You might be my favorite person too.”

“Only might?” She laughs. “You don't sound very certain.”

“Eh, it's a hard competition,” you reply, making a slow turn left, “There's lots of people in this city-” and you feel her pinch your side again. “But, yes, maybe you're my favorite.”

“Maybe?”

“Definitely,” you correct, feeling her hum against your back.

“Ah, there we go,” she says approvingly. “I knew you had great taste.”

Your smile is wide, and you have the urge to turn around and kiss her, but you're pretty sure that will result in a crash. “Oh, and how did you know?”

“I just had a feeling,” she murmurs, “I always had a feeling we'd end up like this.”

You focus on pedaling, your feet moving in a circular rhythm. “Did you just... know?”

“Yeah. I just knew.”

“You just... knew?” you repeat.

“Sometimes you just know when something is going to happen,” Jinx says. “It just makes sense. Like how the sun will rise every morning... or something.”

You pedal forward, the subway entrance comes into view. “Like the sun will rise every morning,” you repeat, “or something.”

She pauses, and the sound of the wind is the only thing that fills your ears. “Can I admit something?” she asks after a moment of calm silence.

Her voice is unusually serious, and it makes you frown, but you reply gently. “Yeah... always.”

She presses her forehead against your shoulder, her grip tightening around your waist, and you can hear her drawing in a deep, shaky breath.

“When I'm bored,” she whispers, and you can feel her hair brush up against your nape, “I sometimes think about you.”

She continues. “It sounds weird, but yeah. I don't think about you in a ‘sexual way’ that people do with crushes or anything like that. I just... want to be with your presence or see your smile or hear you laugh... or just sit with you.”

You blink, surprised by her words. 

“You make me feel better than anyone else can, and I've had to watch your ass almost every day when you're at the café.”

“That's my fault? you never had to watch my ass, that's a choice you made.”

She scoffs, pinching your side again. “Shhhhh, I'm having a moment here.”

You chuckle softly. “Right, sorry, sorry. Continue.”

“Thank you-” she huffs. “Anyway, I just…” Jinx pauses, her words coming to a stop, and you continue to pedal in silence.

“Sometimes, when I'm not happy or sad, I just... think about you. When I'm lonely and I need someone to say something... when I'm really angry and when I'm so tired of everything and everyone... I think about you. I don't understand why I feel that way. I know that it's not normal.” She hesitates, and you can feel her fingers tighten around your abdomen. “Because even though it's not normal, I don't think it's wrong. I just want to… have you by my side.”

Her words echo in your head, and you find yourself listening more intently than you thought you would.

She sucks in another breath. “I don't care what we're doing, I don't care what we talk about... I just want you to be around.” She presses another soft kiss to the back of your shoulder and buries her face in your shirt once again, mumbling, “I'm happy.”

You swallow, taking your left hand off the handlebar to place it over her hands. “I... I want to be around you too.”

She sighs in relief. “I'm a bit insane,” she whispers. “I'm not.. normal.”

“I don't care if you're not normal,” you reply quietly, your fingers brushing across her knuckles. “Who wants to be normal, anyway?”

She chuckles and kisses your shoulder, inhaling your scent.

You can see a glimpse of the subway station just ahead, the entrance of a tunnel on standby.

You pedal slowly, taking a few more seconds to enjoy the wind and the warmth of Jinx's behind, and then come to a stop in front of the subway entrance.

Her arms loosen their grip on your waist, and you feel the heat of her body leave your back as she hops off the seat. You swing your legs off of the bike and put down the kickstand before facing her.

Your eyes trail over to the tunnel, the sounds of the trains coming in and out of the subway filling the night sky.

“This is me.” She jerks a thumb towards the entrance.

You nod. “See you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow. Work. Yeah.”

“Yeah,” you echo.

You can see people walking into the station in your peripheral vision, the world continuing to go on despite the standstill you're in. Your eyes don't leave her as you both hesitate, neither of you wanting to leave. You're both just standing awkwardly, looking at each other.

You can't help but look at her with fondness. She's not even doing anything, just standing in front of you, and you still think that she's the most beautiful person in the world.

You watch her smile in response, and you have the urge to reach out, wanting to pull her back into you.

“Guess I should…” her voice trails off, and she makes a gesture with her hand. “Subway time.”

“Yeah…” you say softly, “Subway time.”

She doesn't move, though. Neither of you do.

Her eyes flit between the tunnel and you, and she gnaws at her lower lip. “You should, uh…” she begins, “...go.”

“Yeah, I should…” You should. You know you should. You should pedal back to your apartment, maybe do some dishes, and go to bed. You have class tomorrow, and Jinx is going into the subway. 

But you take a step forward. She looks at the ground. “Are you... are you going to hug me?”

“Should I?”

She shrugs. “I don't know. Do you... want to?”

“I could be convinced.”

She rolls her eyes but smiles anyway. “Yeah? you could be convinced, huh? what would it take for you to agree then?”

You tap your chin with your index finger, pretending to think. It's not like you need to put much thought into it. “I don't know. A few hundred bucks? A fancy dinner? Maybe a yacht?”

She smacks your arm with a huff and a glare. “You aren't taking this seriously.”

“Oh-” you say, clutching the fake wound, “You're brutal. I'm wounded, I'm injured-”

She crosses her arms and gives you a deadpan look. With a laugh, you step forward and wrap your arms around her waist. Her arms immediately slide over your shoulders as she burrows herself into your neck.

You breathe in her scent, closing your eyes. Your chin rests on her shoulder comfortably, and you feel her fingers slide into your hair.

“Just one more second,” she whispers.

You nuzzle her neck in response, and her fingers tighten around the back of your head. Her breath ghosts against your ear, and you swallow, feeling the goosebumps rise on the back of your neck.

You could stay like this with her for an eternity. On the sidewalk in front of the subway entrance. You could take turns leaning on her shoulder.

But the world doesn't work like that, and your moment is being watched by a few strangers walking in the entrance. She pulls back just far enough to be able to look at you but still holds onto you. 

Her hands cup your cheeks, and you find yourself staring at each other for a few seconds, her face lit up by the orange glow of a nearby streetlamp.

She's looking at you, you're looking at her, and the world hasn't collapsed. Her eyes trail over every feature, and you wonder if she sees you the same way too—if she finds each piece of you as beautiful as you do of her.

She brushes her thumb lightly over your cheek and the corner of her lips twitches into a smile. Her smile widens as she looks at you, showing the slight gap between her two front teeth, and it's- it's… 

You blink, feeling your knees grow weak, you can almost hear the sound of wedding bells and wonder if you've just found the closest thing to heaven on earth.

She presses a light kiss to your nose. “See you, partner,” she murmurs. She takes hold of your chin with one hand and presses another kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“See you,” you repeat. You can't help but smile, a bit dumbly.

She stares at you for a second longer before finally letting go of your chin and stepping back. You try to memorize every detail of her as she walks backward. “Call me when you get home, 'kay?” she says.

You nod. “Okay”

She stops in the subway entrance and offers a small wave.

You wave back, but you keep waving even after she disappears into the tunnel. You keep waving, even after the last of her is gone, until you're just standing there like a fool, waving goodbye to the empty subway entrance. You realize just how dumb you look, waving to nothing, and finally drop your hand.

You tear your eyes away and stare at the bike that sits abandoned on the sidewalk, waiting for you. You finally pick up the kickstand and grab the handles, starting to pedal.

You think about tomorrow.

Tomorrow is when you're going to deal with shitty customers in the shitty city. 

Tomorrow is her smile as she hands you your cup, making your day before it even starts.

Tomorrow is drinking a matcha latte, a drink you used to hate, but now you look forward to it, because she makes it.

Tomorrow is her arm around your waist as you take her to the subway.

Tomorrow is her pulling away and saying, “See you, partner.”

Tomorrow with her… and it's almost as if, for the first time, you don't dread tomorrow.

[kedreeva]

There are good things in this world still

Today, I went on a little road trip with my parents. My mom actually invited me to go with them to one place, but I had an appointment to pick up feed today at a new, far away local feed mill, so instead of giving up on hanging out, they elected to come with me in the morning, and spend the day exploring the local area by the feed shop. Ultimately I don't think the feed mill will work out for me, but I had a LOT of fun driving around chatting with my parents and stopping in at local mom and pop shops.

Today, my dad bought a fairly large container of clean beef tallow, and split it with me. I have been wanting to learn to use the cast iron pan(s) we have, but would prefer to use them with tallow over oils, so this will be a great opportunity to learn!

Today, I found a small package of black raspberry gelatin at a little bulk-foods store. I've NEVER seen black raspberry gelatin, in any form, so I'm very excited to try it and see how it compares to my black raspberry fruits.

Today, I ducked into a small quilt shop ahead of my mom, and was greeted by a corgi puppy named Oliver, who was OBSESSED with my shoes (no wonder, as they smell like Farm). He followed me all over the shop sniffing them, and then got SO EXCITED that he got the zoomies and went TEARING around the shop like a little madman. I tried to get a photo of him when he put his paws up to get more petting but. well.

(these are in the correct order.... he launched himself at my hand, not pulled away from it lol)

Today, my mother gave me a package of Dr Pepper Peeps marshmallows. They are an abomination. I am delighted to see them. I will not be eating them. Maybe just one.

There are good things left in this world, however small. This is your opportunity to reblog this and share your good things with each other, or check the notes if you need a reminder.

[arcanefox207]

The Wolf You Feed (6)

Joel Miller x Female Reader Part 6 (Ongoing) | Rated Explicit | 6.5k WC | Series Masterlist | Read it on AO3

Summary: Set in a fictional New England town, you fall for your handsome, intense and outdoorsy neighbor while renting out your parent's vacant summer home during a brutal winter.

Chapter Warnings: ANGST. Smut. POV-Switching. Rated Explicit. 18+ MDNI. (CHAPTER SPOILERS AHEAD) Some possible triggers including mentioning death of a child and contemplated suicide. Smut includes P in V, oral (female receiving). See series masterlist for general warnings.

A/N: Hang in there my loves, I'll ease your pain by the end of this chapter (with smut, of course) 🧡 Also my inbox is always open if you wanna talk about TWYF / ask questions! Or anything really. It really means the world 🧡

JOEL

“No, Tommy. I really did fuck it up.” He sighed into the phone. Defeated and sad. 

Joel had reached out to his brother when he was at his wits end. He didn’t recognize who he was becoming and needed to talk to someone before his anger just consumed him whole. 

He broke down and told Tommy everything about you. The one person he really could confide in, and once he opened his mouth he couldn’t stop. 

For the most part Tommy was trying to be understanding but also was caught off guard. Tess was practically family as far as he was concerned. He thought you might just be an indulgence for him. A shiny, new toy for him to play with. He didn’t really see you as a viable partner. Joel didn’t dare tell him how young you were, but Tommy seemed to pick that up on his own the way he talked about you.

“You can probably still work it out with Tess.” Tommy pushes.

“I aint interested in working out anything with her.” He snapped.   

“Ok. Ok, Joel.” He conceded his last attempt to bring things back to normal. He realized that Joel was a different person now. They were not close like they used to be, but he never realized just how much Joel was struggling. Lost. He needed someone on his side, not against him. 

“Look, man. Just give her space. Don’t be a hot head and scare her off.” Tommy tries to reason with him. Tommy always was the one who was more of a people person. His successful life with his wife Maria was something he embraced proudly. It changed him in a way that made him more responsible. 

As they grew older, it was strange how things were shifting. Joel was always the protective big brother, but now Tommy was  starting to fill that role with his grounded life experiences giving him more wisdom. 

“A real help you are.” Joel mutters and throws his phone onto the table and taps his fingers, agitated. Not exactly at Tommy, but he was letting his anguish escape however it needed to. He knew Tommy would understand that he was acting more like a wounded animal that was scared.  

He was finally acknowledging that after all his shitty behavior this is the hand he was dealt. He couldn't sweet talk you into forgiving him and he no longer had Tess on standby to console him. Tommy was trying to be supportive but he just didn’t know how.

When he tried to sleep all he could see was the hurt in your face. It didnt matter what he did or didn’t do because you were hurt and it was all his fault. 

He hurt you and he wouldn’t be able to change that. 

—

YOU

Days go by in silence and you’re not sure how to feel about it. Part of you wanted Joel to fight, but the other part was glad he obeyed. Respecting your demands to leave you alone. 

The nights were the worst. You almost gave in to calling him on several occasions. Even if he did wrong, something about him still called to you. A relentless need that you had no control over. 

You were nearing the two month mark living in Kineo, and Joel had been present in almost all of it. Your fresh start to independence unexpectedly had a co-pilot, and one that you weren’t ready to fly without.   

You kept it all to yourself. Marlene never brought it up and you put on a smile at work. It felt like you were just floating through the week with no real purpose or direction. You had paid little attention to anything beyond what was right in front of you. 

The snow was falling quickly, and in the last few hours of your Thursday shift nobody was out buying coffee. There was a major snowstorm that was just starting to ramp up. You had heard many customers fretting about it over the past few days, but didn’t give it much thought. Apparently it was a big deal and you should have been more prepared, but you would figure it out. 

Tess stopped by and your stomach was in knots. She looked numb and business focused, like this was also a distraction she was leaning on to get by. She scuffed the snow off her boots in the doorway and called out to you both. In too much of a hurry to go past the door. 

“Ladies, close up and go home. We’re closed tomorrow too.” She left after you both acknowledged and you were so grateful that it was a quick encounter. You weren't ready to face her just yet, and keeping a secret from her was taking its toll. It felt wrong, and it was slowly eating away at you. 

The ride home was treacherous and you could barely see out your windshield. This was the first real brutal winter storm you encountered since moving and regretted not preparing for it at all. As you got closer and closer to your house you noticed how dark it was. The ominous grey storm clouds blocking whatever little light was left for the day. The only lights you saw were the flashing orange on the upcoming plow truck. 

The house is icy and dark. You go to flick the switch just to confirm the power is out. You use the flashlight on your phone to stumble into the kitchen where you find a few candles to light. 

This was going to suck.

Headlights shine into the front window and you see a truck parked at the end of your driveway. 

Joel.

You answer the knock at the door. Your pulse beating with intrigue, as if your body finally settled on needing his presence more than not. 

You open the door halfway, wanting to be angry at him but finding yourself enamored with how the snow was sticking to his perfectly tousled hair. 

Of course he couldn’t give up the neighborly act and you wondered his true intentions. 

“Don’t mean to bother you, but the power is out and it’s gonna get real cold tonight.. over here.” He puts his hand on the door to push it open slightly wider as he steps forward. “I’d like you to stay at my place.”

His sincere eyes searched yours, looking for any sort of indication how you were feeling about his offer.  

“Won’t get in your way, I promise. Just helping out… a neighbor.” He hesitates on the last words. “And I promised your dad.” he admits sheepishly.

You roll your eyes at that. Your mom and dad were always getting into your business. You had ignored their calls all week so it wasn’t a surprise that they reached out to him.

His offer seemed genuine and you were getting concerned about how cold the house already was. Your candles and flashlights would only do so much.

“Ok.” You agree, giving little emotion. You didn’t want him to think you were conceding easily. You were just being practical. 

Truthfully, you could only suppress the way your body still ached for him for so long.

You feel that heat inside you try to ignite the smallest flame. The feeling that just wouldn’t die despite it all. A spark waiting dormant at any chance to catch. As much as you tried to ignore it, it was still there.

Joel looked relieved that you agreed to it. His protective nature was called into action and he didn’t want to have to force you to do anything. Even if you were icing him out, he still felt a duty to make sure you were safe. Of course, he hoped in time you would forgive him, but for now this was all that really mattered. 

“And I gotta bleed the pipes so they don’t freeze. Told your dad I’d take care of his place.” He pushes the door open even more as he steps forward, and you can smell the coldness radiate off his body along with the leathery scent from his jacket. The fleeting thought of wrapping your body around him and inhaling his scent was overpowering.  

His bullish advance felt intrusive but also non-negotiable as he snapped you out of your delulu. 

You step aside so he can come in. You just now notice his bag of tools and industrial flashlight. Contractors. 

It doesn't take him long and you keep your distance, sticking to your bedroom and packing a bag with the essentials. After a few minutes he knocks on the door to get your attention. You don’t open it, and let him speak to you through the door. Trying to establish that you still have boundaries and your bedroom is one of them.

“What?” you ask with a forced annoyance.

He pauses for a moment and then his husky voice seeps through the cracks.  

“I gotta plow a few houses before it gets much worse. Get your stuff together and let yourself in. The fire is stoked and the house is warm.”

You hear his footsteps as he walks away after waiting a moment. That spark inside burns hotter. A want. You missed him, and you needed him but you had to stay strong. 

Damnit, Joel Miller. He was making it so hard to stay mad at him. 

—

His home was so warm and inviting. The wood stove was so practical and cozy. You started to feel like a character in one of your books in some remote cabin in the woods. You had added a few logs to keep it burning. Joel had them neatly stacked nearby and it wasn’t too difficult to figure out. 

A few hours passed before Joel returned home. He entered the house with nothing but a polite nod to acknowledge you made it over safely and an approving glance at the freshly stoked fire. 

You had been reading in front of the wood stove, wrapped in a blanket. He kept his word and left you alone for the most part. He spent most of his time up in his loft after telling you he fixed up the bedroom for you to sleep in and implied that he would resign to the couch when he was ready to sleep. 

The comforting smell of the burning wood and the crackle the fire made was peaceful. There were a few lit candles giving the cabin an authentically rustic feel. Even if they were there to be practical, it felt romantic. 

For reasons you couldn’t explain, you felt a pang of disappointment in how much of a gentleman he was being to you. It made you feel guilty for being so cold towards him, and annoyed at how respectful he was being to your boundaries. He was doing exactly what you asked him to, and yet you were realizing it wasn’t what you expected. Pushing him away didn’t make you stop wanting him. It was just the safest way to protect your feelings. It was lonely.

The longer you sat in solitude, the more you reflected on what you really wanted. Still, you felt paralyzed to take that next step, riddled with guilt for Tess and a wavering disdain for Joel. You wanted your Joel back. The one that was rough around the edges. The one that made you come alive in ways you didn’t know were possible when he had you under his weight. The one that took what he wanted and left you fucked out and wanting more and more. Ruining future men forever.  

You could have him back, if you just forgave him, but that would also mean coming to terms with the aftermath of what happened. Talking about it. Making it real. 

—

JOEL

He kept to himself quietly in the upstairs loft, trying to keep himself calm. You were right there, content and safe, still not speaking to him beyond what was necessary. Having you so close and still so out of reach was eating him alive, but at least you were there. 

Not having electricity for a hot shower didn’t help his mood. He was able to freshen up with a washcloth, deodorant and change into a clean shirt. The heat rising from the wood stove made the loft extra toasty. The worn loveseat where he often strummed his guitar was welcoming to his tired body. It sucked in his weight and creaked in protest as he shifted to prop his legs up over the arm and lounge back. 

The day took a toll on him. An early start doing 10 hours worth of contractor work and then spending many more plowing and shoveling snow. He was tired and his muscles ached, but it was nothing in comparison to how heavy his heart felt. 

He swiped through the final photos you sent to him, as he did every night, admiring everything about them. Beyond the obvious, it was the look in your eyes. The happiness and longing for him that you once had. 

He felt his jeans tighten as he focused on your perfect breasts and your swollen clit, begging for his touch. Remembering how your body felt as if it was made to take him. He needed to be inside you again and then hold you forever and never let you go.  

You were too good for him. You deserved more than a washed up old man who couldn’t even be honest with you. 

And still, he needed you. Craved your body and your warmth that your smile radiated. Craved that innocence you had that he loved to corrupt. The way that you made him feel when you needed him. You were so smart and capable, but he saw how your eyes lit up when he did things for you. He made sure to be there for you before you ever asked. He wanted to take care of all your problems. Protect you and make sure you never wanted for anything. The way your body called to him. How right you made his world feel. Now that you were part of it, how could it be any other way?     

Honesty. It was all he had left to give if you would let him. 

Joel looked at a worn photo that he kept in his wallet. He had to make things right. He had to try.  

—

YOU

Joel had used the gas stovetop to heat up some canned soup and it was the first time he interrupted you, offering a bowl. 

After awkwardly navigating around each other in the kitchen, you thank him and resign to his bedroom, alone. You leave the door slightly open so the heat from the wood stove would warm the room. A double wick candle he thoughtfully left for you on the nightstand flickers the room in soft glow. 

Despite the warm balsam scent from the burning wax, the room smells overwhelmingly of Joel. Clean. Masculine. His woodsy cologne that never overpowered but always made itself known. The same blue comforter that you laid under before but a fresh pair of gray colored sheets. They were perfectly smooth. Unwrinkled and untouched since he placed them on the bed for you. It filled you with a sadness as you balled your hand into the sheets, mourning the beautiful memories.

God damnit, Joel. 

You were getting settled in, wrapped up in another blanket and reading your book by candle light when you heard a knock on the door frame.

You lock eyes with him. There is a heavy sadness in them. 

“Can we talk for a second?” 

It was his house after all. You felt you owed him at least a conversation. Even if it was that conversation. 

You close your book as you hesitantly swing your legs over the side of the bed. The door creaks open wider and he stands in the doorway with a hand on the knob, looking for permission to come in. The way his t-shirt was straining against the flex his biceps made you flutter. It wasn’t fair how attractive he was without even trying.

“I guess.” You concede and quickly bring your gaze to the floor. Afraid your body would betray you as your heartbeat quickened.  

Joel enters slowly and walks over to the edge of the bed, sitting a respectable distance away from you. Close enough to touch you, but not invading your space.  

“I uh, don’t know how to say it exactly.” he nervously starts. He was acting differently. Lacking that confidence he so expertly wielded. Vulnerable.     

He pulls out a worn and folded paper and opens it gently to reveal a little girl. She looked young. 11, maybe 12. 

He slides the photo into your hands as you study it, unsure what he was getting at.

“That's my baby girl, Sarah.” His voice is low but heavy with emotion. His hands clasped between his legs and thumbs fidgeting. 

“You have a daughter?” you ask, completely caught off guard. Nothing in Joel’s world left any clues to him having children or a family. You approach this new knowledge with trepidation, noting how old the photo was and wondering where she is now. “Shes beautiful.” 

You can see some similar features when you look closely, except that she was smiling big. Something Joel rarely did. 

He isn’t crying but you can see that glossy look over his eyes. This was a memory that hurt. Your chest tightens, picking up on his pained hesitancy to speak his next words. 

“She was twelve when… when she died.” he says as he takes the photo back into his hands with an unsteady grasp.

Oh my God. His revelation hurts to hear. He looks down to the floor, hunched over slightly with his hands gripping the edge of the bed on each side of him. 

You rest your hand on top of his and feel his skin go taunt over his knuckles as he balls his hand into a fist. Trying to keep his composure. 

“Tommy and I were there by her side. She was sick and the doctors didn’t know how to make her better.” He paused. “I… couldn’t save her.” His voice just above a whisper and you wonder if he meant to say it out loud, as if he had been harboring that guilt for years. 

“Joel I… I’m so sorry.” You wipe the tear that falls down your cheek. “I had no idea.” 

You sit in silence with him, letting the news wash over you both. Unsure what to do other than be at his side while he was lost in his painful memories. 

“S’been almost 20 years, but a day don’t go by I don’t think about her.” He folds the photo and puts it back into his pocket. His voice steadies and he takes a breath as if a huge weight was lifted off of him. 

You felt privileged that he was sharing this piece of his life with you. It was clearly not something he went around telling everyone. It put things into perspective, too. 

He was a dad. 

“Before you start wonderin’ it.” He looks at you knowing full well you are going to be thinking about his history sooner or later. “Raised her myself since her mother left us when she was barely a year old.” He hesitates to say more, like that part didn’t matter. “Sarah was my entire world.”

You feel at a loss with what to say. The more he opened up the more silent you were. He had experienced so much that you never knew about. A single dad. Losing a child. You settle with just closing your hand on his and moving closer to him. What could you possibly say? No, you needed to just listen. He was opening up in a way he never had before, and you suspected rarely would again. 

“M’ telling you this because there's more.” He pauses. “I tried to move on, but I couldn’t stay in Texas. Wasn’t home anymore without her there. Tommy and I went to Boston to start over. He had nothing tyin’ him to Texas either and we can be contractors anyplace. Thought it would help.” He skoffs at that, mimicking how naive he was. “It didn’t.”

You could feel the shift in the room. The feeling that he was about to share something else vulnerable. 

“I… I didn’t see the point in livin’ anymore.” he says with a blank stare, lost as if he was reliving that moment of hopelessness. Ashamed of his weakness. 

“You don’t have to-” you try to interrupt, not wanting him to feel he owes sharing this story with you when you can see how much it hurts him. Part of you is uncomfortable with the rawness of his past he was exposing. Not because it is hard to think about, but because it hurts to imagine him being so desperate and lost that it was his only option.    

He held his hand out towards you, fingers fanned wide, urging you to let him finish before he drops it back slowly to his side.

“Then I met Tess. The night I was going to... be done with it all.” He stumbles over his words, battling with the crudeness that he couldn’t stop from pouring out of his mouth. 

“Joel..” you plea. Not sure if you were strong enough, worthy enough, to hear all this. Until you realized he had to get this story out. Who knows how long he had kept it bottled up to himself.  

“She gave me a reason to keep going. Became my rock. The only person that understood that pain… because she lost her son too. Two people at the end of their rope.”

You never knew Tess had a son. It was so easy to see how two headstrong people could connect and bond over the shared traumatic experience of losing a child.  

“We helped each other… survive.” he sounds unsure about the word choice. “We moved here intending to live separate lives but we clung on to each other. It worked for a while, but we lost sight of where we started… and where we were going.”

He didn’t need to say any more. You knew exactly what he meant. Their entire relationship was built on empathy and survival. They became codependent on each other. 

“I’ll always be grateful for what she did for me. I owe her my life.” He nods, agreeing with his words that he was perhaps speaking out loud for the first time. 

“It doesn’t make anything that I did right. M’not telling you this for pity. Tess will always be someone I love, but we are not the same people we were back then. We were holding onto each other because we were too scared to be alone. Took me a long time to figure that out. Too damn long.”

You detect that annoyance returning to his voice. A resentment.  

“And Tess… she aint got there yet. Don’t think she ever will. And I can’t keep livin’ like that.”

It didn’t make his actions hurt you any less, but it gave you a new perspective. You didn’t know how deep their relationship went and you didn’t realize he felt an obligation to her that he was just starting to understand. 

“And I’ve been feeling this for a long time now, well before I met you. Just go’in along each day with no direction. Not givin’ a shit.”

He stops and looks you in the eyes, intense and deadly serious.

“Was you that made me realize I had been searching for this.” He flips his hand over and his fingers weave with yours. You can feel the desperation and the want in his touch as his thumb grazes over yours. His brow softens.

“Knew it when I first met you and I couldn’t stop thinkin’ bout you night after night. That I had to take back my life. That existing aint the same as living.” 

You wrap your arms around his waist and pull yourself into his chest, breathe in his warm scent and want nothing more than to be in his arms again. Right or wrong you don’t care anymore. This is what you want. You want Joel.   

He wraps his arms around you and envelops you in his heat. You can feel his heartbeat singing into your ear with a heavy thud. Strong and resilient. His safe embrace silently apologizing for hurting you along the way. Promising you he wouldn’t ever hurt you again. 

His honesty made him less of a mystery now. His hardened exterior was built up over the years of living with this horrible hand he was dealt. Now that you knew the truth, you could finally start to make sense of everything.

Forgive him, even. At least try to. 

“I’m sorry.” he presses a kiss onto the top of your head and holds you. “I’m so sorry.” 

—

After holding you for a few moments Joel untangled from you and left you to your privacy, continuing his respectful act. Giving you time to process everything he said. Your mind was racing, analyzing everything. Calculating what happens next.

You knew if you crossed that line you would need to forgive him for what he did, and come to terms with sneaking around and indulging in a forbidden romance. At least, if you wanted to keep your job and the only other friendship you had going. Your parents could never find out either. They would never approve of you being with someone almost as old as them, let alone enable it any longer by allowing you to live in their home. You would have to cross that bridge later. This wasn’t about anyone else though. This was about you and Joel and what you wanted. 

Your next steps were heavy weighing your options, but also so very clear. No longer could you deny the way he made you feel and the way he made you ache for him when apart. He was remorseful for what he put you through. You could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice. Feel it in his touch.

Forgiving Joel would also solidify your relationship. It would be you and only you going forward. No more questionable lines of what you were and what you weren’t. 

You made your way out to the living room and saw Joel sitting near the wood stove, wearing reading glasses and a worn book opened in his lap. You didn’t take him for a man that would read for pleasure, but then again you can only do so much without electricity. He looked so peaceful with the glow of the fire illuminating him. A peace that only came with being so open. Everything between you felt lighter, like this was what needed to happen to get to this point.   

He looks up at you as you make your way over to stand in front of him. 

“Promise me.” you beg. “Promise me that you won’t hurt me...” You pause. “Ever again.” It was an absurd demand, but it was what you needed to hear from him. 

He takes off his glasses and closes his book, standing up to join you. His wide and towering body over yours made you feel so small in his shadow. Helpless against him but always safe with him. 

His greys caught the light of the fire, reminding you how much older he was and how much it turned you on. His well kept form only made him more and more attractive to you. Everything about him made you want him. An insatiable desire that you couldn’t deny any longer.  

“I promise, sweetheart,” he says as he sweeps your hair behind your ear and tenderly holds his palm against you. It makes you feel weak. 

“And… Tess?”

“Only you.” He says gently as he takes your hands in front of him. He repeats softer and pushes his forehead into yours as he leans over you, whispering “Only you.”

His hand comes up to cup your cheek and cranes your jawline upward to match your gaze. “I’m yours, if you’ll let me.”

Now you were a goner. 

His lips press into you and you melt into him. His tongue wastes no time to push inside and ravage your mouth. You give in to him, letting him consume you and relishing in his neediness to have you. 

His hands roam under your shirt, pulling it off hastily over your head. Your lips part only briefly. His roughness on your skin is welcomed as he thumbs at your waist band and urges you to step out of your lounge pants. 

You return the urgency, tugging at his shirt to make it disappear. His broad chest was a sight you would never tire of. Wide shoulders that could wrap you up effortlessly. 

Joel tore from your lips and trailed his mouth along your jawline. Nipping at the supple skin and gently biting at your neck as he removed your bra. He slid out of his jeans and boxers while he distracted you with his mouth.

You tip your head back as he goes lower, scruff scraping against your collarbone. Trailing lower and lower, dragging along your breasts. He took you into his mouth, letting his tongue dance lightly over your hardening nipples. Sucking with increasing ferocity until he released you with a wet pop and repeated the same on the other side.

He dropped to his knees with his hands firmly grappling your hips he pulled you in close to him. His hot breath tickled as he thumbed your panties down to expose your cunt.

“This is mine” he declared with a wicked grin as he slid your panties down your legs. His possessiveness couldn’t help but show itself and it was something that drove you wild. A pillar in your relationship that he was establishing and leaving no room to question. You were his.  

He wasted no time, nudging his nose into your clit as his tongue made quick work of your needy mess. Muffling his face into your heat with a hunger.

Your legs were unsteady but he had such a grip on you, holding you firmly against his face while he devoured you. His scruff getting damp while you started to drip for him. His rough patches sent shivers through your body as they grazed your softest skin while his lips and tongue pleasured you. He rubbed himself against you like a feral cat. Letting your wetness mark him. 

He couldn’t get enough of you. His muffled moans vibrated against you exquisitely as he tasted you and moaned in delight.  

Your hands found a home in his grey locks of hair, grabbing tightly with each flick of his tongue making you come more and more undone. He knew exactly how to touch you, drawing moans and gasps from your lips while he buried himself deeper. Pausing on the spots where you reacted the most with expert precision.

He started to take his time, relishing in your sweetness and giving you more and more with each tug against him. He was mindful of making it last as long as possible for you, practicing some restraint that he often ignored. This was about you. Apologizing with his tongue in a way that his words could never.

You tried to hold on as long as you could as your muscles weakened and your breathing shallowed. You cried out his name as your orgasm washed over you. He lapped up your sweetness as you rode the wave. 

He gently guided you down to join him on the floor, leaving sloppy, open mouthed kisses against your belly.   

You were gasping for breath as your heartbeat slowed. He leaned forward, pressing his lips into yours and plunging his tongue inside. You could taste yourself on him. He pulled away and gave a pleased smirk as his eyes narrowed over his nose. 

You sat back on your haunches  with your legs spread open. He eyed you up and down like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“I don’t deserve you.” he says almost in disbelief. 

“I know.” you tease.

His cock looked painfully hard. You reach a hand towards him and wrap your fingers around his girth. He was so impossibly thick. His veiny shaft called to you like a siren song that twitched under your touch. 

He wrapped his fingers around yours, engulfing them as you pumped his cock together. Slow and intimate. The increasing tightness of his skin made you feel guilty for having come already when he was so on edge. You could feel how ready he was and how disciplined he was behaving. You were anxious to have him inside you again as you brushed your thumb over his slit and felt his wetness beading.  

“Turn over, sweetheart.” he reluctantly pulls your hand away from his throbbing heat. Your finger drags along the tip as he pulls it off and is wet with his precome. You bring your shiny fingertip to your mouth and lick it clean as you stare at him. The filthy display makes him groan through gritted teeth.

You then obeyed, maneuvering yourself so you were on all fours with your backside to the fire. Grateful for the fur throw rug that was soft on your hands and knees.  

He stifled a groan as he shuffled up behind you, sitting up on his knees. He reached around to your front and pressed his fingers to your opening, pleased to find you still wet and begging to be filled. He dipped just his finger tip inside to tease you, reminding you how thick his fingers were, and how much they paled in comparison to his cock. You pressed back against him and let out a needy moan as he plunged his middle finger in deeper. Your desire to have any part of him inside you was overwhelming.

He pulled all the way out and circled your clit with his wet fingertips, making you whimper. You were still sensitive and swollen from moments before.

“Gonna fill you up, sweetheart. Promise.” his Texan accent came out thick.

He pressed his hips into you as he looked down your back, settling himself between your legs. His hands grabbed your hips and he lined up with your entrance, taking his time. Relishing in your shared bodies once again. His fingers kneaded you gently, holding tightly. Afraid if he let go he would lose you again. 

He slid a hand up your spine, pushing you down the closer he got to your shoulders, urging you to relax while he held you up at your hips. Your fingers curled into the fur carpet as his cock nudged you. 

Oh, how you missed it.

The wait was agonizing. Facing the window, the world looked so peaceful. A black mirror reflecting only the shimmer of the falling snow catching the light from the fire. It was quiet, calming and isolated. For this moment, all that mattered was you and him.

He split you open on his cock as he thrust in, slowly. You could feel his broad head catching on you as he pushed in and out. Working himself a little deeper with each push forward. It was agonizingly slow and you could only imagine how difficult it was for him to be patient. His raspy moans caught in throat with every thrust as your tight walls choked him. 

He was fully sheathed inside you, his hips flush with your body as he held you there for a moment. You were filled to the brim with him and it felt intoxicating to have him inside you. His entire length being strangled by your cunt. You could feel his neediness growing, and his desire to lose himself in you. His throbbing cock begging to come. 

He wanted more.  

He pulled your hips back as he pushed into you, stuffing as much of him inside as he could and being present with how tight you were. 

He was relishing in having you again. His right hand left marks as it clawed into you and you could feel his desperation build while left hand slapped onto your ass and firmly gripped you. He pulled you into him and held you still and he could feel your pussy clenching him, begging for friction. Swallowing him as deep as he could go.

“Joel… please.” you beg him to move with your delirious whines. 

Then he fucked you. Slow. Hard. Desperate to make it last. Controlling his urge to lose himself until you were moaning and begging for him. Every thrust into you an apology and a promise.

It didn’t take long. 

When he came you could feel his heat spilling inside you. Pumping you full of his devotion. You cried out as you rode the wave with him, taking in every drop of his spend as you writhed on his cock. 

You fell forward as he pulled out of you, gasping for air. He leaned over your body, his softening cock dragging against you as he leaned down to kiss your neck. Then he collapsed to the side of you.

He reached to the couch to grab a pillow and the blanket that was hung over the side. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but there was no place you wanted to be other than in his arms, engulfed by his heat and filled so much that cum was leaking out of you. Surrounded by the warmth of the fire and smelling sweat and pine. 

He pulled you tight against his body with his bicep curled under you to support your head. The length of his body pressed into your backside as he held you close, never wanting to let go. Never wanting to lose you again.

He kissed the top of your head again gently and used his free arm to rub your side soothingly as you both caught your breath. 

Joel caressed your sides up to your shoulder until you were fast asleep, stealing secret moments to press a kiss to your body or breathe you in. Holding you so tightly to his body that nobody would dare try to take you away from him. Possessive and determined to prove to you everyday how sorry he was and how important you were to him.

Tonight was something different. It was an intimate side of Joel you had not seen on this level before. You had no doubt that his rough dominance would return with a welcome vengeance, but tonight he was showing you a different part of him. Coming to terms that he was being vulnerable with you because he trusted you.

You faded in and out of sleep, each time comforted when you felt his heat against your body and his heartbeat thumping against your back. 

Despite what happened in the past, this moment felt right. Joel Miller had you hook, line and sinker.  

To be continued...

A O 3 | M A S T E R L I S T | N O T I F I C A T I O N S

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[mattsnight]

teaching virgin!matt how to finger you⋆. 𐙚 ˚

warnings: smut, fingering, cursing…

a/n: long time no see yall! I’ll try to be more online the upcoming days!

“Don’t be nervous, baby. It’s just me.” You say with a sweet tone as you slide your panties down, leaving you in your bra. Matt's eyes nearly bug out of his skull as he watches you expose yourself, his dick twitching in his jeans. He reaches out with trembling fingers. God, it’s all a little overwhelming for him, but he absolutely loves this already.

He’s unsure what to do, so he just stares up at you. A small smile forms on your face. “Try and apply some pressure to my clit.” He obeys without hesitation, applying gentle pressure to your clit. You let out a soft sigh. He takes that as a good sign and starts to slowly circle the sensitive nub with his fingertip. His other hand reaches out to grab your hip, pulling you closer.

Your moans start filling the room, making Matt even more aroused. “T-try and finger me with.. fuck— one finger.” You whimper out, almost unable to speak properly. He carefully pushes one long finger inside you, your wetness coating it. He swallows hard as he watches your body respond. He adds more pressure to your clit with his thumb, slowly pumping his finger in and out. “Shit.” he mutters softly, "You're so tight."

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart..” your voice is a full whimper, making Matt chuckle. “Please add another finger..”

He does as you say. His eyes are watching your face intently, looking for any signs of discomfort. He can feel your inner walls tightening around his fingers, pulling them in deeper. He curls his fingers upward, searching for that spot that drives girls crazy. "Like this?"

Matt's fingers work magic, moving with precision. He can barely believe he's fingering an actual girl, let alone one as smoking hot as you. His own cock throbs urgently in his jeans as he watches you start to unravel.

As your noises start to get louder, he speeds his movements up, determined to get you over that edge. “Keep going.. don’t stop.” You say, grabbing his arm tightly. He feels your fingers clench around him, signalling you’re close. Then, one last time, he speeds his movements up.

“Matt— I’m gonna cum. Please let me cum.”

“Go ahead, i won’t stop you.” He smiles as he watches your face in pure amusement. “You’re so pretty like this.”

Those words get you over the edge. Your moans turn into heavy breathing as your orgasm washes over you. Matt keeps his movements going, but a little slower to prolong your pleasure. He’d seen other men do this in some porn shit he used to watch.

As he feels you calm down, he pulls his fingers out. “Jesus christ, that was..” he says, out of breath from just watching you. “Can we do that again?” A small smirk forms on his face as those words leave his mouth. “Maybe i can teach you something else, hm?”

Oh and you definitely will.

i love virgin!matt so so so so so much

[ki2rins]

⟢ SUGARBOT - pjs

twenty two - the first date

warnings: -

written wc: 1k

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jay stood outside your apartment, checking his watch for the fifth time. 

he’s a man with good time management, showing up to meetings at least ten minutes in advance. but for you, he couldnt help himself. thirty minutes early, and still he couldnt stop pacing. 

after all, with what happened the last time, he felt that he had to put in extra work and effort to win the heart of his pretty girl. getting you to give him another chance was no small thing, and the last thing he wanted was to screw this up again. 

the door swung open, and there you were. 

you were dressed casually, hair falling just right, and for a spilt second, he forgot to breathe. 

“hi” you said, tilting your head at sight of seeing him. “i thought i would be the one making you wait today.”

jay offered a small, awkward smile. “yeah, uh, i just thought i would come early to make up for that time.” he said, trying to keep it light. but the truth was that - he was still figuring out how to make things right between you two. 

you gave him a small nod and a soft smile. “okay, shall we go then?” 

jay then led you to his car, and as the gentleman he is, opened the door for you. he could tell you werent fully sold on the idea of this date. you were still being cautious with him, still keeping your distance. but to him, it was okay. the last thing he wanted was to rush things with you since he was determined to earn your trust, your heart, your everything, one at a time. 

once you were both inside, the silence lingered in the air. jay cranked the engine and pulled out onto the road, the sound of the tires on the pavement filling the air. you stared out the window, gaze fixed on the city lights outside. 

after a few minutes, jay broke the silence, asking on how college has been for you, how work has been, how were your friends. but slowly, he ran out on things to ask that wouldnt make him sound like an idiot. so, he just let the silence hang there, awkward and uncomfortable.

then suddenly, a bold idea popped in his head. 

with his free hand, he reached over to yours, fingers brushing lightly against yours. 

you stiffened for a second, but didnt pull away. you knew what he was going to do, but you were still second guessing yourself. were you really living in the moment? 

jay hesitated, his fingers lingering there for a moment before he spoke. “may i?”

your heart skipped a beat at the question. the directness of it threw you off, but there was something about the way he asked, so gently, so respectfully, that made you pause. 

then you nodded, just a little, your hand shifting closer to his. 

he took that as permission and gently threaded his fingers through yours. the tension between you two started to ease, slowly, as jay’s thumb brushed over your knuckles. 

“is it always this quiet with you?” you asked, a playful edge to your voice as you looked over at him, trying to lighten the mood. 

jay chuckled, his eyes meeting yours for a brief moment. “not really. but i dont mind the quiet. its…peaceful.” 

“i’ll take your words for it then.” you said, fingers curling a little tighter around his. the moment felt almost too intimate, but in a good way. it was like the world outside the car had melted away, leaving just the two of you in this bubble of unspoken understanding. 

when jay turned into the parking lot, you blinked, confused for a second by the sharp turn he made. you looked up ahead and saw the boutique, a charming little shop with delicate lights hanging from the windows, casting a soft glow onto the sidewalk. 

“here we are.” jay said with a small smile. “ready to be spoiled?”

you blinked, looking out at the store. it wasnt what you had expected. the soft glow of the lights seemed almost too perfect. you fumbled for words. “uh…what is this place?” 

jay laughed softly, noticing the hesitation in your voice. “ a boutique. i promise its not too fancy for you okay? dont worry.” 

you werent convinced. the thought of being in a fancy boutique, surrounded by expensive looking things, made your stomach do a little flip. still, you followed him out of the car, his hand reaching for yours again, as if sensing your uncertainty. 

the moment your feet hit the sidewalk, you felt out of place. the boutique felt different - elegant and almost intimidating in its pristine decor. you were used to simple places, like the nearby mall you often shopped at, where things felt easy and familiar. here? you were out of your element. 

jay didnt seem to notice. he was already ahead, holding the door open for you with a gentle smile. “come on, pretty. you’ll like it.” he said, his voice reassuring. 

you gave a small, nervous laugh and stepped inside, the soft scent of fresh flowers and polished wood filling the air. 

the shop was filled with intricate jewelry and vintage handbags. nothing like the worn, cozy atmosphere of your usual hangouts. it felt like you were in a different world, one that doesnt belong to you. 

jay, finally sensing your discomfort, turned to you with a teasing smile. “you dont have to look so overwhelmed baby. just take a look and glance around okay?”

the endearing petname he gave you days ago made you blush. but still, it couldnt hide the unwavering uncomfortness you had. “im not…used to this kind of place.” you admitted. “i dont know what to do.” 

“just relax, love. pick something you like, and i’ll take care of the rest.” 

you looked at him, unsure whether to laugh or feel even more out of place. “this is…definitely not my usual kind of shopping.” 

jay chuckled softly. “then lets change for today. just trust me okay, pretty girl? he then took your hand and gently pulled you towards the jewelry section. “lets just try on a few pieces and we’ll see if you like it.” 

you couldnt help but feel a little more at ease as his hand found yours again, the warmth of his touch grounding you. despite feeling out of your comfort zone, there was something about the way he looked at you that made you think - maybe you could get used to this after all.

----------------------------

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[wendichester]

ok you write some teen dean but I wanna see teen sam x reader please and thank you :3

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ assignments & study sess,

summary. you run into sam at the school's library

pairing. teen!sam winchester x reader

wordcount. 539

notes. honestly, whenever i think of sam is almost stanford and onwards, but this turned out cuter than expected ehe thank you for requesting bubs 😙🩷

Sam has noticed you before. It’s hard not to.

You’re in a couple of his classes, always sitting near the window, twirling your pencil between your fingers when you’re lost in thought. You don’t talk much, at least not like the loud kids who take up all the space in a room, but when you do—when you answer a question in English or crack a joke to your friend—Sam always finds himself listening a little too closely.

He’s never had the nerve to talk to you, though. His family moves too much for him to bother making friends, and besides, you probably don’t even know who he is.

At least, that’s what he thinks—until today.

The library is quiet, except for the occasional rustle of pages and the soft hum of the overhead lights. Sam’s hunched over his history textbook at one of the back tables, trying to focus, but his brain feels like it’s made of static. He’s got an essay due in two days, and all he’s managed to do so far is reread the same sentence ten times.

And then—

“Hey, is this seat taken?”

He freezes.

Because that’s your voice.

Sam looks up so fast he nearly knocks over his coffee. And there you are, standing right across from him, your bag slung over one shoulder, a hopeful tilt to your lips.

For a second, all he can do is stare.

“No,” he blurts, a little too quickly. He clears his throat, willing himself to not sound like a complete idiot. “Uh, yeah. I mean—go ahead.”

You smile, sliding into the seat across from him, and Sam swears his heart actually stumbles over itself.

“Thanks,” you say, pulling out your notebook. “It’s weirdly packed in here today.”

Sam glances around. There are maybe five other people in the entire library.

He looks back at you, and you’re watching him with a tiny, knowing smirk. Oh.

You did that on purpose.

Sam swallows, trying to fight the warmth creeping up his neck. “Yeah. Super crowded.”

You grin, setting your stuff down. “I’ve seen you around,” you say casually, flipping open your book. “You’re, like, crazy smart, right? You always get the highest scores in English.”

He blinks. “You—you’ve noticed that?”

You tilt your head, like the idea of not noticing him is absurd. “Of course. I sit right behind you.”

Sam has no idea how to respond to that. His brain is short-circuiting, stuck on the fact that you—this girl he’s been secretly stealing glances at all year—have been paying attention to him too.

“Uh, thanks,” he finally mutters, pushing his hair back. “I just… read a lot, I guess.”

You hum, resting your chin on your hand as you watch him. “You always look super focused in class,” you muse. “Like, intense focus. It’s kinda impressive.”

Sam lets out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah, well. I try.”

You lean in slightly. “So, Mr. Genius, since we’re here—wanna help me with my essay?”

It’s an easy excuse to stay here longer, to keep talking to you, and Sam knows it.

But he’s definitely not going to say no.

“Yeah,” he says, a real smile tugging at his lips now. “Yeah, I can do that.”

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[sfznyxio]

-ˋˏ HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ˎˊ

SYNOPSIS. celebrate your very special day with your significant other!

CHARACTERS. albedo, arataki itto, beidou, diluc, eula, ganyu, gorou, hu tao, jean, kaedehara kazuha, kaeya, kamisato ayaka, kamisato ayato, keqing, kujou sara, ningguang, raiden shogun, sangonomiya kokomi, shenhe, tartaglia, venti, xiao, yae miko, yoimiya, zhongli

CONTENT. gn!reader. fluff. established relationship. 1.7k wc. rewrite of happy birthday! at my old main blog @/verxsyon. based on birthday voice lines. no warnings for once other than the cast being super long lol.

VERA. it’s officially my birthday (and jean’s)!. my frontal lobe is fully developed. thank you to everyone who has sent their wishes. i’ll reply to them later. blessed with white day arts too!

𝄞༉‧₊˚. ALBEDO

albedo sketches you all the time, but hasn’t gathered enough courage to show you them. for his gift, it’s a portrait of you smiling and laughing. you begin to tear up of how beautiful it is, to which he confesses that the first time you expressed those emotions there was when he fell in love with you.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. ARATAKI ITTO

not one normal person would gift you onikabuto and miss hina trading cards, but you appreciate his efforts nonetheless. this year, itto takes you to a cliff where he holds a talent show with his gang. as he’s about to perform his birthday song, the tenryou commission appears to chase after the two of you. it turns out the cliff is private property, and he didn’t see the signs.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. BEIDOU

celebrations are always lively at the crux. connections with wanmin restaurant and liquor merchants allow beidou to prepare a feast just for you. as it’s your special day, she’ll let you be captain, giving you permission to sail wherever you want to go. you and her crew know too well that she’ll go all out on the drinks and become too drunk to handle her duties.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. DILUC

romantic dinners are the best dreams to come true; no need for extravagant parties. having one at the balcony of dawn winery, with candles burning brightly and each person holding wine in one hand, you make a toast with your significant other to another good year ahead. afterwards, diluc will take you to the living room, dancing to each other’s heartbeats.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. EULA

as eula had celebrated her birthday alone in the past, she isn’t used to someone else holding her hand and being dragged around the city, spewing laughs for such a special day as yours. when you ask her if she wants to stop, she shakes her head. when her special day comes, she wants to feel free with you.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. GANYU

working all day and night, ganyu didn’t find time to buy you a present. instead, she bakes you a qingxin flower cake, and a messily attempt at that. yet she hides it behind her back, thinking that you won’t appreciate it. you happen to see it, which makes you want to try it. she sighs in relief to hear you say you really like it, and now she’s obligated to bake one for you every year.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. GOROU

you didn’t think it’s possible for someone else being more excited than yourself in celebrating your special day. the morning of, gorou hunts for fresh fish and crabs at the beach. at night after his patrol, he’ll prepare a banquet in front of a bonfire, rousing sparks of jealousy. they wish to be dedicated and loving as the general for their future significant others.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. HU TAO

it’s not the spooky season yet, but hu tao never fails to bring its energy to everyday life, and your birthday is no exception. after her shift, she takes you to wuwang hill just to stargaze, which she keeps on insisting. you don’t trust everything she says, but you still get pranked by her, using her ghost to disguise as her to make you think she’s “gone”.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. JEAN

the guildmaster has many hidden talents, and one of which is singing. jean gets embarrassed if someone hears her sing. everyone assumes that you did, but that’s a misconception. for your birthday, you finally hear her for the first time in forever after annoying her for so long. to your surprise, she really has a nice voice.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. KAEDEHARA KAZUHA

being the poet that kazuha is, it’s no surprise that a haiku will be his gift. yet every single time he recites one, you fall in love with him all over again. he doubts his creativity in this one in particular but you insist that it’s the best he’s ever made so far, thanking him with a kiss. you would’ve never thought to see him so flustered.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. KAEYA

for someone who talks a lot to charm his way into someone else’s affairs, kaeya greets you with a few words and a sliver of a smile. he doesn’t want to ruin your special day. but how can that be if he’s the reason your life has gotten so much better? as soon as he feels your reassurance, he reverts back to being a tease. your special day won’t be special without him.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. KAMISATO AYAKA

ayaka manages to find out your birthday from the housekeepers in advance so she could make your gift extra special. she initially thinks that an expensive one would be suitable to your liking, but begins to have second thoughts. she decides to take you to chinju forest, a place not too far from the estate and where she’ll perform her fan dance.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. KAMISATO AYATO

(kind of?) salty that his retainer chose to spend his birthday with the traveler instead of him and his sister, ayato doesn’t give you the liberty to act on your own today — he wants you for himself until then. while he pampers you with his peculiar cooking, you think of ways to fool him to escape. however, outsmarting him won’t do, because he’ll catch you in the end anyway.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. KEQING

learning an important lesson from the traveler to rest every now and then, keqing requests time off from work for the first time in a while to make you a present. she gives you a lantern which looks ordinary, but it runs on electro energy and stays lit indefinitely. she tells you that it serves as a reminder of her being an extra light in your life, and you in hers.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. KUJOU SARA

spending the majority of her time tending to her duties as a general, sara is unsure how to celebrate birthdays other than her own properly. on yours she immediately skips the formalities and goes straight to the point by asking you if you have a birthday wish. not only will she grant you one, but five, her lucky number. it’s cute that she’s trying her best, and you happily accept her offer.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. NINGGUANG

when you first started working under the tianquan, you were intimidated by her presence. once you get to know her, ningguang is a generous and kind lady; for instance, giving you a super expensive gift for your birthday. they’re brocades, which you can use to make your clothes. as someone who has never learned how to sew before, she’ll gladly teach you how to do it.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. RAIDEN SHOGUN

ah, don’t mind the raiden shogun; ei won’t hurt you. the electro archon finally accepts that time goes forward and she must go along with it. ever since the cataclysm, you celebrated alone, but now she’s at your side with a bundle of tricolor dango in her hand. it’s the modern age of inazuma, where the both of you can pursue eternity in a different way together.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. SANGONOMIYA KOKOMI

as expected of the resident strategist of the sangonomiya resistance, kokomi has already planned out everything for your birthday, even noting the possible changes of the weather. one thing she hasn’t done since the war is swimming at the pools of the island, so she takes you there for a dive in the morning. the shrine maidens are glad to see her having fun as she sprays water at you.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. SHENHE

shenhe learns the importance of birthdays from her master and also notes that humans in particular highly appreciate materialistic things. as someone who isn’t really fond of them, she takes you to her favorite place in the world — the mountains, where you can see the beautiful view of the sky. her way of celebrating your day is way better than any physical present.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. TARTAGLIA

just for one day, childe doesn’t want to do anything related to the fatui so he can spend time with you in peace. throughout the dinner with you and his family, the both of you sense a presence outside, excusing yourselves to take care of “business” — agents from another organization who you took down a while ago. maybe some celebrations aren’t meant to be peaceful after all.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. THOMA

thoma is friendly… too friendly. he practically invites the entire city, recommending them to bring any of their signature foods and drinks for your celebration. you told him you wanted a small party, but never mind that; he worked too hard for this. oh, yeah! a party hosted by thoma isn’t one if the hotpot game isn’t included, which is quite dreadful to say the least.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. VENTI

despite not being an experienced baker, venti attempts to bake a cake for you because someone once told him that you’re supposed to eat one on birthdays. it’s apple-flavored, his favorite! an amateur in baking, the cake doesn’t look like an actual cake — more like an apple pie. regardless, you did enjoy it. in addition, he allows you to request to have him sing a song as you eat.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. XIAO

xiao doesn’t celebrate birthdays because he doesn’t understand their concept, stating that they’re redundant. yet he still gives you a gift before going off on your journey — a butterfly emblem created from leaves. he says it’s an adepti amulet that staves off evil. so no matter where you go, the object will protect you from harm every step of the way.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. YAE MIKO

yae isn’t a big fan of celebrating such festivities because people would merely come to her for her blessings instead of using their time for other things, as their visits disrupt her leisure time. since you’re her significant other, she’ll give you special treatment (for a minute before kicking you out of the shrine). she won’t admit it, but she’s happy to see you and wishes for a fruitful year ahead.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. YOIMIYA

yoimiya is the definition of lively… and disastrous. you’re still unsure whether lighting up fireworks is a great idea because she got caught by the tenryou commission (again) for “illegal activity”. however, that doesn’t stop her from making you the best birthday present ever. as she begins to light up the fireworks, you could hear the footsteps of the soldiers trying to contain the incoming chaos.

𝄞༉‧₊˚. ZHONGLI

as old-fashioned as he is, zhongli gives you a dried glaze lily. he says that it bears the beautiful memories and prayers of the nation. afterwards, he connects it to another story of a god whose eyes fell upon the love of their life, and then a field of glaze lilies bloom. unbeknownst to you, it’s about you and him, when the two of you first met.

[stabthroughme]

Hi yes @sing-a-sirensong dragged me into watching Spartacus the tv show they showed me there were canon alive gays once and now I'm hooked so I present a vague idea post bc @deepwithintheabyss said to, ft some relevant historical stuff significantly simplified.

Gladiator JayTim AU:

Jason is the champion of his Ludus (gladiator training ground/barracks) and is well beloved by the people because even if he doesn't get the go ahead to kill at the end of the match he still makes it bloody and theatrical. The members of the ludus knwo not to fuck with the cats even if they're strays bc Jason takes it personally. They're the only thing Jason cares about. No one knows how he ended up a gladiator, whether he sold himself into it for the glory or money, or if he was captured, and no one dares to ask.

Tim's the cousin of the last emperor, and he was the closest male descendant and was named and educated as the emperor's heir. However, someone else was closer when the emperor died and claimed the throne and, as is not uncommon in history, sent assassins after all of Tim's family. He happened to not be home when the assassins arrived and killed his parents and the servants and slaves actually liked Tim so hid him in their ranks. He was sold pretty cheap because while he looks fairly strong and healthy, he clearly hasn't ever fought.

The doctore (trainer) starts off the training super harsh, like it's not a gradual climb it's the sort of training to weed out people who won't put on a good show or can't fight for show so they can be sold on/repurposed in the lanista's (owner/sponsor) other pursuits ie. sent to the mines (I feel like Bruce should be the doctore but idk for sure on that). A not insignificant amount of that first week also includes harsh hazing from the other gladiators (including but not limited to food getting stolen from the trainees) and general suckyness.

During that first week Jason is mostly a passive asshole, kicking over food, snatching water, pulling chairs/benches out from under people, verbal bullying, but there's no physical assault outside of sparring because that can incur punishments. Even in sparring if they push too hard they get physically restrained bc there's no one paying to watch them so there's no point.

Tim actually makes it through the first week and manages to beat the first of the "real" gladiators he's paired up with to spar at the end of the week which catches Jason's attention. Jason fully stalks/watches Tim for a while after that and a rando trying to get on Jason's good side knocks Tim out and trusses him up in Jason's room.

Jason is Not Pleased but keeps Tim in his room because he can tell others are noticing how pretty Tim is, and that there's a not insignificant number of people who want to ruin him (sexually, physically, emotionally, etc). So he unties Tim, wraps him in the sole blanket Jason gets for being a Good Fighter and makes Tim take the bed while he sits on the floor of the pretty small/cramped cell. They have a conversation where Tim admits to never having worked a "real job" before, Jason tells Tim that he feeds half his fish rations to the stray cats even though the lanista hates seeing so many cats.

Jason takes Tim under his wing after that, everyone assumes that they're fucking and as a result stop tormenting Tim instantly. Tim ends up sitting alone with Jason at the edge of the mess room and asks if it bothers him. Jason shrugs and tells Tim to eat his food. Jason actually helps Tim train that day and it makes Tim's life a hell of a lot easier. Jason idly asks if the whispers about them bother Tim and Tim replies that he doesn't have the luxury of caring. Jason brings Tim back to his room again but Tim insists on taking the floor bc he hasn't "earned" the bed like Jason has, ofc there's innuendos and they end up fucking.

mmmm Jason's big scarred and calloused hands on Tim's tiny waist fucking into him and kissing him...

Anyways. Afterglow Tim tells Jason how he ended up there, that he really doesn't have anything to return to or fight for, and he needs to be good enough to live but not excel and possibly be put up for games the emperor could attend. Jason promises to protect Tim, no matter what, and Tim holds onto Jason tight.

Tim ends up premiering in the arena and is pretty good, nowhere near Jason's level but Tim can't be killed because he starts to get used as another reward for Jason doing well. And everyone likes watching Jason perform well.

A couple years pass and they end up being a staple in the ludus, wherever Tim is Jason isn't far behind. When they're shown off before games the patrons are All Aware of Tim and Jason and occasionally as a Special Treat the lanista has them fuck in front of people before the games. It's a Part Of Life for them. Tim and Jason have their oil sometimes scraped and sold together bc people think the aphrodisiac properties will be even stronger w two fucking gladiators who are super strong and good/the best fighters than the normal oil (gladiators were oiled up before fights and then the dirty oil was scraped off and sometimes sold as there was a belief that it held aphrodisiac and fertility boosting properties, aka the og gamer girl bathwater). There's a *lot* of fucking, Tim is 100% a powerbottom and is so in control of the situation it makes Jason go weak in the knees if he thinks abt it too much.

During the couple of years Tim and Jason also take a couple more gladiators/trainees under their wings and kinda make a lil family unit within the ludus itself, most of the ones they take in are people without any family outside the ludus. The lanista actually doesn't mind this bc it ensures that they're loyal to the ludus, and it means they fight better together so there are frequent matches where they play roman armies/generals winning against "savage barbarians" (people sentenced to death in the arena were not infrequently dressed up as enemy tribes to recreate famous battles that the Romans won in a very bloody pantomime recreation of the battle).

Then the emperor gets assassinated by someone who believes the Rightful Heir is alive, the person then takes the throne as regent until the rightful heir is found. (Worth noting that historically the idea of a rightful heir in Imperial Rome was much more loosey goosey, anyone *could* become emperor but frequently it passed through family lines and those who didn't have children would pick a family member as heir. It was also possible for someone who had their own children to instead bypass their kids for someone else, or just upset the birth order and pick their last born child, or adopt a family member and make them heir. It was a wild time for inheritance laws)

When the whispers reach the gladiators Tim instantly tenses bc the only people who knew he was alive was the servants and slaves, and he doesn't know what to do. What really doesn't help matters is when the regent is said to be arriving in their city to look for the rightful heir and will be attending a special show in the arena.

Tim manages to escape being chosen for the fight but the lanista decides that the regent should get to watch Jason up close and summons Tim from the barracks to get fucked. It doesn't get that far bc the regent is Dick who was a former teacher of Tim and was made a member of the senate on the recommendation of Tim's parents to the emperor and Tim wrote a letter to the emperor for whom he was heir verifying that Dick was a good pick bc he didn't shout for no reason (Tim was like, 8/9) and the emperor thought the letter of recommendation was highkey a great sign of leadership from Tim. 

Of course Dick recognizes Tim instantly and orders everyone else out of the room, including the imperial guards, slaves, lanista, and Jason, everyone's kinda sad and a little peeved bc they like watching Jason fuck Tim. Tim grabs Jason's hand and makes him stay bc he needs him there. Dick looks Tim over, makes sure he's okay, worries over him ofc, shooting glares at Jason. Tim smacks Dick about it and tells him that Jason's the only reason he's still sane, that he's not going anywhere without Jason.

Dick shrugs off one of the layers of fabric from his ornate toga style to cover Tim (gladiators were sparsely clothed when shown off bc yk... apparently it was sexy) before summoning his servants and orders the lanista compensated for the loss of Tim and Jason while both of them are rinsed and dressed appropriately (it's the most clothing Jason has worn in years and he's instantly overheating and complaining to Tim), but he didn't want Tim to remain uncovered bc he was summoned naked and Dick Needed To Cover Him Right Now. 

Once he's decked out as emperor and Jason is close enough to respectably dressed to be at the emperor's side, Tim is presented to the gathered crowd as the rightful emperor of all of Rome and yk people have feelings about that. But ofc they kneel/bow etc.

Tim pays for the freedom of any of the gladiators from his ludus that want to leave (some people did actively choose to become gladiators) that were even a little bit nice to him and offers them spots on his guard/as generals bc they know how to fight, but especially those they took under their wing. They don't get a choice they're coming w them they can make money and fight for glory in Tim's name but Tim is the emperor and will not take no for an answer from the ones he cares about. 

Tim never gets married and lives openly with Jason and does the imperial tradition of adopting a distant relative's kid into his household to be his heir and this time he keeps the kid close by bc no thank you for a repeat of what he went through. He also gives his formal ludus the patronage of the imperial household.

[fireside-fanfics]

Silent Understandings

The Georgia sun had long since started its descent when Peach pulled the last of her snares from the underbrush. A rabbit dangled from the trap, its body limp, its struggle long over. She sighed and kneeled to work the wire free. One more meal secured—they’d need it. She was looking forward to seeing the look on Rick and Glen’s face when she brought back what she caught.

The camp had been tense lately and so was everyone. With Shane growing more volatile and supplies running low, every day felt like a spark waiting to catch. That’s why she volunteered to hunt alone—at least, that was the excuse she gave. Truth was, she needed a moment to breathe. A familiar crunch of boots on dry leaves had her glancing up. Daryl.

Her eyes lit up at the sight of him, a warmth settling in her chest that she didn’t bother to push away. Everyone in the group was still getting to know each other, feeling out trust in a world where it was in short supply. Daryl, though—he was different. Harder to read, harder to reach. Most people gave up trying, but Peach had seen the cracks forming in that tough exterior, little by little, like water wearing down stone.

He still kept his distance from most, still snapped more often than he spoke, but with her, something was shifting. He wasn’t just tolerating her company; he was seeking it out, even if he wouldn’t admit it. His shoulders weren’t as rigid when she was near. His words, though gruff, lacked their usual bite. And when their eyes met now, like they did in this moment, she swore she saw something softer in them—something he wasn’t ready to name yet.

“Thought ya were s’posed to be back by sundown,” Daryl grumbled.

“Guess I lost track of time,” She smirked, tying the rabbit to her belt.

He squatted beside her, eyes scanning the treeline like he always did—never still, never relaxed. He had that crossbow slung over his shoulder, his vest hanging loose over his arms. It still struck her sometimes, how different they were. Daryl was rough edges, all sharp angles and gruff words. She was bright smiles and quick jokes, but she could be just as deadly when the moment called for it.

“You were totally followin’ me weren’t you?” she teased, brushing dirt off her hands.

He scoffed, kicking the dirt as he fired back a quick, “Ain’t followin’ you—just checkin’. It ain’t safe out here alone.”

“Since when do you worry about me?” Peach tilted her head, studying him.

“Ain’t worryin’,” Daryl bristled. “Just sayin’, it’s dumb to be out here by yourself.”

She grinned. “So you do worry about me!”

His glare was half-hearted at best, and she knew she had him. That was how it was with them—constant back and forth, like flint against steel. She wasn’t sure when their banter had shifted into something more, but she felt it in the way he lingered when she spoke, how his eyes softened when they weren’t supposed to. She felt it now, in the way he stood just a little closer than necessary.

“C’mon,” he muttered, nodding toward the path back to camp. “Let’s go.”

She didn’t argue, but as they walked, she nudged him with her shoulder. “Thanks, Daryl.”

He didn’t look at her when he replied, voice low. “Ain’t nothin’, doll.”

But it was something. It was everything to Peach.

They reached camp as the last streaks of orange bled into the dark sky. The fire was low, crackling softly as the group sat in small clusters. Rick was speaking to Dale in hushed tones near the RV. Lori was tending to Carl. Tension still thickened the air, but it was quieter now—like everyone was waiting for the next problem to crash down on them.

Daryl walked ahead of her, heading straight for his stash of supplies near his tent. Peach watched him go for a second before stepping toward the fire, dropping the rabbit near Glenn and T-Dog.

“Dinner’s on me,” she said with a grin, dusting her hands off.

“Nice!” Glenn chuckled, giving her a grateful nod. “We’re gonna need it. Shane’s talking about a supply run tomorrow, and it sounds like it might get messy.”

“Doesn’t it always if Shane’s around?” she muttered, rolling her eyes.

Glen and T-Dawg laughed; they said they’d add her rabbit to the fire and let her know when dinner was ready. She smiled and thanked them, grateful for both of them. The two men told her about their day, and she listened intently but didn’t add much to the conversation. She was tired and simply happy to hear them both chat like friends. It felt nice, familiar.

Peach stood there for a few minutes in front of the two men. She shifted her legs and rolled her shoulders. Her body ached from the day, but she wasn’t ready to sleep yet; instead, she drifted toward Daryl’s tent. He was sitting on a log, checking his crossbow, jaw tight. Daryl didn’t acknowledge when she sat down, and Peach waited a few moments before speaking up.

“Gonna pretend I’m not here, Cowboy?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“Ain’t pretendin’, Peach,” He exhaled sharply. “Just got stuff to do.”

She scooted closer next to him, watching as he adjusted the string on his bow. Her voice was low and soothing as she softly commented, “You’re tense.”

He side-eyed her and grunted, “We’re all tense.”

“Yeah, but you—” She stopped, tilting her head. “You got that storm-brewing look in your eyes... got somethin’ on your mind?”

“It’s just…” Daryl was quiet for a beat. Then, finally, he sighed and set his bow down. “I ain’t used to this”—gesturing between them—“Ain’t used to people givin’ a damn or having friends like you. Feels weird.”

Peach softened. She knew his past wasn’t an easy one—knew he wasn’t used to people sticking around, caring.

“Well, get used to it.” She giggled, nudging his knee with hers. “You’re stuck with me, Daryl.”

“Lucky me,” He huffed a small, almost-smile, shaking his head.

Peach leaned back, watching the fire flicker. Maybe the world had gone to hell. Maybe every day was a fight just to see the next. But in this moment, beside him, she felt something rare: safe. And maybe, just maybe, he did too. She felt certain that Daryl felt it too.

The silence stretched between them, comfortable in a way that words didn’t need to fill. The fire popped, sending a few glowing embers into the night air. Peach stretched her legs out, her boot nudging his, but he didn’t pull away. A small smile tugged at her lips, happy that he was comfortable enough with her not to pull away.

She turned to him, her voice softer now and asked “Do you ever think about what comes next?”

“Next?” Daryl frowned slightly.

“Yeah, like after all this—if there even is an after.”

He was quiet for a long moment, then shrugged. “Ain’t much point in thinkin’ that far. Jus’ gotta keep goin’.”

“I think about it.” Peach exhaled, studying him.

“Yeah?” Daryl mumbled. He looked at her then, really looked at her.

She nodded and continued, “Maybe one day, we find a place that’s safe, safe for real. And maybe we won’t have to fight so hard to keep it.”

Daryl scoffed, but there was no malice in it. “That’s a lotta ‘maybe.’”

“Maybe,” she admitted with a smile, “but if it ever happens I really hope your there too, Daryl.”

Daryl swallowed, his throat bobbing slightly. He didn’t say anything, but after a moment, he reached down, picked up a small twig, and tossed it into the fire. Then, just barely, he nodded. His fingers twitched slightly against the ground before moving—just enough that they brushed against hers. After a hesitant beat, he looped his pinky around hers, barely there, as if testing the moment.

That was enough.

They sat there long into the night, side by side, as the fire burned low, a quiet understanding settling between them. Whatever came next, whatever storm waited for them tomorrow, they’d face it the same way they always had. Together.

[cyberphuck]

Hey kids, Jaydee here with an important message for driving in the Spring: Don't Drive Through Water If you can see the water is moving, or if the water is enough that you can't see the surface of the asphalt, Do Not Drive Through It. Literally no excuse anyone can make changes this advice. There is no caveat, there is no "what if," there is no "it's only okay if you." Never Drive Through Water, Ever. "It's not a lot of water/ it's not moving fast yet" Fun fact, it takes a hilariously small amount of water on the road to move your car. I'm not talking about the vehicle floating away, I'm talking about hydroplaning, which is when all four of your tires leave the surface of the road. At that point you are no longer in control of your vehicle and you don't get to decide which way you go. This can happen no matter how slow you are going. Where's the water flowing? Down that embankment? Now you're going down the embankment too. "I know this road/I know when it's safe and when it isn't" You don't! You don't know anything. The road may look fine up top but if there's water going over it, water might be going under it, too. Guess who's going down the embankment again! Maybe that pothole that always fills up in the rain's gotten WAY bigger in the past few days and you're not gonna notice until you're face down ass up in it. Maybe you'll just hit that pothole hard enough to pop a tire, bend the rim, fuck up your alignment, and ruin your day! "Four wheel drive, baby!/Lifted truck, fuck yeah" Not only can I speak from personal experience that 4WD will not stop you from skidding across the highway in the rain, there are countless amusing videos online of Dumbfucks In Trucks trying to cross flooded roads and getting stuck. Sometimes the whole truck flips as an extra spice, even if the water isn't moving! "It's just ponding on the sides of the road" Did know plowing into a puddle at car-speeds can cause damage to your car's engine, electronics, wheels and chassis? You ask any mechanic how many cars they get in with flood damage from 'just ponding.' "I have to!" You don't have to. "No, I really HAVE to, I have no choice, this road floods all the time but I have to get to work SOMEhow!" Okay so there are three choices here: 1. Drive over the water anyway and die, 2. Don't drive over the water which is what this post is about, or 3. Keep an eye on the weather and make preparations ahead of time so that you don't have to drive across the water which is what this post is about. Go to your friend's house, take your precious infant daughter to your mom's house, put the chihuahua in a baby sling while you work, MAKE A PLAN. "I drive across water all the time even though I know I shouldn't lol" Cool! Every time you do that you run the risk of losing your life, devastating your friends and loved ones, fucking up your car (if water gets into your engine's intake you can say goodbye to that engine AND it might also catch on fire just to spite you), putting first responders in danger trying to get you, putting good Samaritans in danger trying to rescue you, ending up on the news because someone whipped out their phone to film you sitting on top of your floating car like a dumbass. DO NOT. DRIVE. THROUGH WATER. EVER. EVER!!

[alex51324]

Today (Wednesday, March 12), the Senate Minority leader says that they are prepared to reject the Republicans' 6-month funding bill.

The bill was prepared without input from the Democrats, and passed in the House with a near party-line vote, with one member from each party crossing the line.

They are making the modest* demand that the Republicans instead offer a 1-month extension to avoid a shutdown, and that Democrats have a role in developing the next bill--work that would pretty much need to start immediately, with a 1-month extension.

To pass the bill in the Senate would require 60 Senators--all 53 Republicans, and 7 Democrats/independents-who-caucus-with-the-Democrats.

So, keep calling and otherwise reaching out to your Senators if you are lucky enough to have a Democrat***, and telling them that you will stand behind them in rejecting this bill, even if doing so leads to a government shutdown. (If you like, say that you would also support them going bigger than that, but this compromise is probably the best we're going to do.)

(*Overly modest, in my view. As usual they are preoccupied with attempting to avert bad-faith accusations** of incivility, partisanship and unwillingness to compromise. But at least it's something more than nothing.)

(**Which are absolutely going to happen regardless of how far the Democrats bend over backwards. If they agreed to shine their Republican colleagues' shoes on the Senate floor, the right-wing talking heads would complain that they missed a spot.

It's weird that they haven't figured this out yet, but I guess when you work in the same building and on the same committees with people all the time, it's normal to try really hard to see them as reasonable people who have normal reasons for doing what they do, and that you can have a conversation with.)

(***If you have a Republican senator, you probably aren't going to change their mind, but you could let them know that you strongly object to any budget which includes cuts to Medicare/Medicaid, Social Security, the VA, and the Department of Education--these may not be your actual highest priorities, but they are the softest targets you'll find in terms of what Republican lawmakers might conceivably be persuaded to disagree with Trump about.

The strategy here is to get them thinking about how there's a point where not breaking with Trump could be as politically dangerous as breaking with him, and therefore they might want to look for places where they can put their constituents' interests ahead of Trump's, and blame the Democrats for backing them into a corner. But don't say out loud that that's what you're trying to do; just talk about how important these programs are and how the Republican party has traditionally recognized that importance.)

Friends, Americans, Tumblrs, lend me your ears

I know a lot of us are hoping to observe the Ides in fine style this year, so let's all do our part to give that red dodgeball a mighty kick.

If you have a Democratic Senator or Representative (or both, you lucky devil) call them--or email, fax, messenger pigeon, whatever you've got--and say that you would support a government shutdown, if that's what it takes to put some brakes on Trump's reckless disregard for the Constitution.

If you aren't already doing the 5 calls, you can Find your legislators here.

For those who haven't been following along, the current US federal budget* runs out on March 14, which means that a government shutdown will happen on the 15th unless both chambers can pass either a new budget or at least a new extension.

Usually, when this happens, Democrats are the ones making concessions to a Republican minority in order to keep the government limping along.

But this year, there's been some talk of the Democrats forcing a shutdown--and, according to this Politico article, it's starting to take shape as a serious possibility, largely due to lawmakers feeling the pressure from their constituents.

This is a process where the minority party has a significant amount of leverage--particularly in the Senate, where they need to pass their bill by a 60-vote margin**.

So far, Democratic lawmakers have been leaning heavily on the narrative that, as the minority party, they can't do much more than they're doing. And that does have some truth to it, but this budget process is one where the minority party has a significant amount of leverage.

So let's keep that pressure up, and make sure that they know that we know that they have some cards to play next week.

(*It's actually a temporary extension of the previous budget, but we don't need to get bogged down in the details.)

(**If you don't have a scorecard in front of you, there are 53 Republican Senators.)