#glad to hear you found me!

[canisalbus]

*gasp* ITS THE PERSON WITH THE SICK DOG ANTHRO DESINGS AND INTERESTING AS FUCK LORE WHO'S ART I FOUND UNCREDITED ON PINTEREST!! I HAVE FOUND YOU IN THE WILD! FUCK YEAH

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[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?

[vaguely-concerned]

the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)

after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)

the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol

lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him

[zurajanaizurakoda]

[gotchibam]

Took a bit of break from commissions to draw a lil fanart for a game called Meg’s Monster ;w;

There’s not much content for it yet since the game was just released a couple weeks ago sooo I felt compelled to make something for it! These 3 were particularly my favorite and got me crying towards the end ;_;

If you love games like Undertale then consider giving this one a try! There’s a free demo available of it on steam that you can play 👍 Just be prepared for the emotional roller coaster in advance!!

[duck-n-clover]

👋

[desceros]

also i realize i could probably not wax poetic because most of my reaction is really just this:

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

I CANNOT pull my thoughts together but i will attempt because you need to know how delicious that fic was. first of all, cockwarming??? perfect kink tysm excellent taste as always. leo being interrupted and finishing his sentence after you're fully seated on him lit me on FIRE. all the little details where you can Feel the effort he's putting into just enjoying the cockwarming and not give into the instinct to fuck you stupid. AND THE BABBLING... i was the anon who sent the ask about you giving him great nut dialogue, and the grin on my face when i saw you'd just had him run his mouth, so unguarded and feeling so so good... insane. HE IS SO TENDER. he is such a sap. and i return it wholeheartedly. sam you've done it again. thank you on behalf of all leo girlies everywhere

as a fellow leo girlie, you are so, so welcome, comrade o7

soft!leo is the best leo, hands down. i know i say i love pining leo (and i do love pining leo; it is, after all, my brand around these parts) but god. soft leo. SOFT LEOOOO WHO LOVES YOU SO MUCH HE'D FEED YOU HIMSELF ONE BITE AT A TIME WITH A SPOON IF YOU SO MUCH AS ASKED. lies down on the floor. im fine. i'm ok. we're all so fine. (<- visibly not fine) the tender sweet lover who gives you what you want bc that's how he feels good. slamming my fists rhythmically on the table VERBAL. AFFIRMATIONS. OF. ADORATION. BECAUSE. PHYSICAL. JUST. ISN'T. ENOUGH. BYE!!!!!!

[canisalbus]

I had a scrap piece of paper and drew the little freakish dog 👍 I have been silently enjoying your art for like a couple months now? I found it randomly on uploaded Pinterest and was like “oh huh that’s rad” and yeah he’s such a lovely sad little beast

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[deviousdiesel]

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[jarvis-cockhead]

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[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"Maybe..." Randall murmured, still perplexed by Renfield's reaction-all the time he'd known the little guy, he'd been friendly to everyone, even people who didn't like him. Minnie constantly scooted him and the other strays away, but Renfield adamantly rubbed up against her legs when she was out on the sidewalk, undeterred by her dislike for him. So for him to just randomly get all worked up about someone he'd never met before was just...odd.

Still, he tried to brush it off-he also didn't miss the way Emily put on a smile and tried to laugh it off, a part of his heart sensing she was a little hurt by this response. Hoping to make her feel better about it, he said, "I'm sure he's just having an off day; don't take it too personally. I've had cats crawl all over me one day and want nothing to do with me the next, it's just how they are. Renny will probably be back later-maybe he'll be in a better mood by then."

"Since when did you get two lunchbreaks, Randy?"

"Just having a little something extra, Dave," Randall groaned, pausing to grab a napkin as he finished his sandwich, just as one of his coworkers had come downstairs for a smoke break-Dave was one of the more irritating coworkers he had to put up with on a daily basis; he insisted he was just an easy-going guy who liked a good joke, but his jokes were often hurtful and very seldom funny. Considering his idea of comedy was calling Randall "Randy" (which he had never gone by, even as a boy, and couldn't hardly stand as a nickname), it told him a lot about Dave's sense of humor (or lack thereof).

"And can I help you find anything, beautiful?" Dave asked, having noticed Emily and put on a smile, leaning up against the counter, his cigarette tucked behind his ear. "Maybe a date for Friday night? Pretty flower like you shouldn't have to hang out with a real weed like ol' Randy here."

[aromantyczno-liryczna]

I TOOK MY PILLS ARE YOU PROUD OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!

[housewifebuck]

There aren't really any signs that they are being taken care of cause I have to be secretive about feeding them. It's illegal in my town to feed stray animals. But we have a garage that is open in areas where they can go in for warmth during the winter if they want to. Plus, I live on a dead-end street, so not very many people travel on it.

thats good that you can be subtle with it but also GOD it enrages me that there are so many places where it's illegal to take care of strays and ferals. this seems to often stem from the mentality that if people are forced to let these cats suffer, starve, and die, eventually the population will go down "on its own" when that is the opposite of the truth. the key to successfully limiting the population of community cats is not cruelty it is compassion. removing cats, trapping to kill, or starvation tactics only create space for new colonies to move in, and they WILL move in. the people who make these laws deserve the chair to be honest

[sanstropfremir]

✨🎥! Long time no see! How are you? I can’t believe it’s been almost 6 months since I last wrote. How have you been in those months? Mine were kinda crazy. Until June I had a hectic schedule: I worked on different film funds (regional, national and international) for pretty much every project that we have. We included a new one from a Singaporean auteur that has the fattest brain ever and criticises the government in a coming of age that mixes gangs and lesbians (absolutely lovely), as well as a new Spanish sci-fi with a twist (still on the early stages so hopefully it’ll grow to its full potential). I also got a skin allergy reaction to who the fuck knows what and I had to be on meds and steroids for a month 💀. On the bright side I went to the Perfume concert in London with a friend and had a lovely week of vacation in Vienna, where I found Key and Sunmi’s cds (Bad Love and Can’t sit with us) so obvs I had to buy them.

I would’ve liked to enjoy the SHINee comeback more, but I was kinda braindead so I still have lots of videos to watch.

Now I’m on holidays again, for this week and the next, and I’m trying to find an affordable apartment that is not shit so I can move out of my dad’s house. But landlords are absolutely insane and most of the places are garbage, so we’ll see how that goes

OMG HIIIIII I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU!!!!!!

so glad to hear from you, i also can't believe it's been almost six months 💀. im ok! im actually back home in canada staying with my parents rn on a health sabbatical, but im doing much better now being on some new meds and with my new therapist! also it's nice to be home, i really missed the pets. been taking it very slow, currently working part time at a family friend's flower shop and not really making a ton of art, but i did get into leatherworking lmao.

omg you have to keep me updated on when those films get release dates bc they sound dope as hell!! i actually scoped around the kpop section of a chain record store here and they had THE worst selection possible, except somehow: one single ghost9 album. literally the only flop group album they had, i was so surprised. im gonna scope around some more to see if i can find any key albums anywhere, since it's significantly easier to find kpop stuff here.

totally understand the housing strife, im very glad to be staying with my parents rn bc the rent prices in the pnw are so fucking bad, it's so depressing

[autisticlee]

i've had people suggest i use mindfulness whenever i'm having a cptsd episode. but I don't think it works that way. they want me to realize that i'm not in the past experiencing the past traumas I dealt with. but the problem is, i'm STILL dealing with all these same traumas! they keep piling up on top themsleves and get thicker and heavier as time goes on.

being autistic in an allistic world, with severe sensory issues and really bad communication issues, it never stops. it's ongoing. my problems with people, communicating with them, being misunderstood, losing friends, etc, that's not a past thing. that's a real thing that always happens.

if I feel like friends are about to hurt me or trun their back on me like ones in the past have done, i've had people suggest mindfulness to me, saying I must be imagining it. saying i'm applying past experiences and being insecure and anxious and there's probably nothing wrong. so i'll let my guard down and try, act like everything is fine. then i'm suddenly blindsided by the thing I thought would happen and wasn't prepared anymore! that makes the past trauma load flood in again and makes the current situation worse!

also, when mindfulness involves being aware of everything around you in that moment, but you're autistic with sensory issues, so you are already painfully aware of literally every thing around you...why would you want to focus on that stuff even more?! i'm already exhausted and easily burnt out because of it. doing so will cause a meltdown and i'll definitely lose those friends I was worried about by accidentally lashing out at them if i hit that point lmao

i'm tired of people suggesting this to me. it is not a thing that will help me. if I was being paranoid for no reason, sure! I can see how it would help. but when i'm seeing real patterns repeat themsleves and every single time my predictions come true, I don't see how i'm simply being paranoid and mindfulness will stop it. when people already decided they don't like me but are hiding it, it won't do anything. when i'm already "living in the moment" because the moment is so suffocating and I can't ignore anything around me and need breaks from it, it's not going to help me.

mindfulness may work on wrongfully perceived anxieties and worries, but when they are real and actually happen, especially if it's a constant or recurring thing that you are better off being prepared for, I don't see how it helps.

[r0semultiverse]

Okay you know what? I’m gonna say it. Tumblr staff knew @midnight-revelation & I would be insufferable about the queen’s passing if they didn’t make one of our accounts block the other. That’s my conspiracy theory on this. He sent me an entire whole honestly believable conspiracy theory about The Queen having already passed and then guess what? She fucking died. LMAO Like the amount of jokes we would have been passing around on each other’s dashboards would have hit post limit for a few days in a row probably! Someone on tumblr staff is a Queen liker! SOMEONE ON TUMBLR STAFF LIKES THE ROYAL FAMILY!