#giving up that control for once and still fearing rejection bc it has happened before

[vapolis]

i just feel like merc and jax makes so much sense to me bc merc constantly has to control themselves (atleast how i play merc) and their disturbing thoughts and how they constantly battle with having to be a killing machine monster, and Merc just getting to give up that control with Jax...I NEED HIM SO BAD...

oliviaiwildenodding.gif

[stuffeddeer]

i just wanna hug dazai all the time randomly (i never get hugs at home) and if he were to hug me i would cry (a little)

i also feel likes his hugs would feel so so safe warm and comforting

(could i please be 🌹 anon?)

im collecting more anons like Pokémon omg YES you are in my Pokédex now hiiii 🌹anon sorry this took so long (like every rq oops!)

i included platonic hcs at the end as well bc why not

cw: dazai-standard suicide mention, i use the word vomit once ?

Hugging Dazai catches him off guard. Or it used to, you had found - randomly jumping on top of him throughout the day whenever you'd see him. It started sporadically and became more frequent, which led to Dazai becoming more prepared. He'd tense up as you entered a room, ready for you to pounce.

It started as a playful bit, knowing Dazai tended to short circuit when given affection. You'd seen it multiple times with Atsushi, the lovable boy having no clue why Dazai would panic a little when randomly given flowers that one time, or why he was so surprised when Atsushi spared a few kind words. It was little things, things Dazai clearly wasn't used to, and it always made you smile.

So of course, you wanted to do the same.

The first time he nearly pushed you off of him, choosing instead to hold his hands up like you were some cop trying to take him down. The second he'd merely frozen, breath baited as he waited for you to let go. By the third, he was able to brush it off with an awkward laugh, and the more it happened the more he was able to respond with a joke or the like. But you never missed the way his whole body seemed to pause for a moment.

Of course, once you noticed he was mentally and physically preparing before you even did it, you started to think you might've pushed too hard. Was he uncomfortable? Was he unsure of how to ask you to stop? It made you feel guilty, especially when he started flinching when you entered the room, knowing what was coming next.

You stopped.

It wasn't like it was hard, and the guilt eating at you was much worse. Dazai wasn't the only touch starved one, but you'd not-so happily give up the brief second of hug you got when seeing Dazai in favor of him feeling safe around you, as well as keeping your friendship alive.

It was hard at first, arms moving up slightly on instinct as you had to constantly remind yourself to stop. After maybe a week of no more hugging, you finally felt relieved - everything was back to normal. Dazai wouldn't freeze when you walked into a room, your hands wouldn't twitch as though trying to reach out for him.... Everything was normal.

Except Dazai, again.

Something was off, you could tell. While everyone gets confused sometimes, watching Dazai of all people furrow his brows and look away from you was almost scary. One of the greatest geniuses in Yokohama was confused by something - by you. Nothing had changed, had it? Maybe he was confused by why the hugs stopped, but you're sure he's smart enough to realize that on his own. You didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around you, that's all.

It didn't take long for the confusion to turn to veiled fear. He hid it well, you being none the wiser - but Dazai couldn't help the anxiety that grew around you. It wasn't like you were avoiding him, you still acted the exact same. You just kept your hands behind your back and made sure to maintain distance.

But that's what scared Dazai - the distance. The worry and fear he felt stemmed from the reason why; why had you stopped in the first place? All he could think of was that you finally figured out his secret. Dazai has a huge crush on you.

He’d always tensed up when you hugged him, feeling his heart rate far from his usual controlled pace and instead beating quicker than he could’ve imagined. Something so small and normal as a hug left him breathless when it came from you, and his greatest fear was that you felt the harsh thrumming of his heart and decided to stop. If you knew his secret, then this surely is you rejecting him.

The thought makes Dazai nervous. Being rejected is normal for him, never one to shy away from shooting his shot. Asking any person with a pulse to kill themselves with him left the brunet very accustomed to the response of “no.” Even being yelled at or hit by some unruly people was something he accepted with a smile, but the thought of you politely turning him down made his chest ache.

You stopped hugging him. Surely you didn’t feel the same.

Dazai understands he is an attractive person, both in looks and personality, and he’s more than used to leveraging these factors in his favor. Just a few weeks ago, he 100% was sure that you had a crush on him, a huge one at that, and he quite enjoyed toying with you every now and again when work days would drag on. But now, he couldn’t tell left from right. Daily hugs to quitting cold turkey made him so nervous, knowing you must be too uncomfortable to even touch him anymore let alone hug him.

That’s fine. He’s fine with that. People changing their minds about him, people leaving - Dazai is used to that. You deciding you don’t like him anymore (maybe just the attention he gave before rather than crushing on him specifically?) and moving on when you realized he likes you instead is fine. It’s fine.

Yet he still finds himself frowning in your direction when you aren’t looking. Nervousness is annoying, but he was hoping it’d lead him away from you. Still, however, Dazai finds himself following you with his eyes whenever you so much as re-situate yourself in a chair. He can’t help but silently beg for you to come over to him, even though he knows he’d nearly vomit if you did. How annoying.

Of course, sitting across from each other for lunch isn’t conducive for moving on and staying away from you, but you happened to stumble upon the brunet and his bespectacled coworker at the cafe and got an invitation from the latter. “I have to get back to work. Mind making sure Dazai doesn’t do anything too drastic again?” Kunikida had said to you, to which you kindly agreed - how could you have said no?

Dazai wishes you did, every brush of his knee against yours making him lose more and more of his appetite. With Kunikida gone, after a few beats of silence, you let out a sigh. “Sorry. I’ll leave you to it, okay? Good luck at work.” Just as you stand up to leave, Dazai - stupid, stupid Dazai - grabs your arm.

The action causes you to cock your head, confused as he grabs you. The face makes him quickly let go, grabbing his mug of tea instead so his hands don’t reach out again. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he starts, deciding to just get it out of his system. Maybe if you rejected him to his face, he could move on. “No more… hugs and stuff.”

Slowly, you slide back into the booth seat, a solemn look on your face. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” he murmurs into the mug, not wanting to make eye contact. What does “yeah” even mean? Is this your way of saying you know? You know he knows?

“Um, well, I know you don’t really like affection. I know you aren’t used to it, I should say. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry for continuing for so long,” you finally apologize, the guilt that built up over time washing away finally.

“No, no,” he starts, turning to look at you rather than his mug. “Uncomfortable? You thought I didn’t like it?”

You deadpan, unamused. “Dazai, you used to tense up when I entered a room and I saw you flinch a few times when I got close.” Slowly, your expression turns, no longer unamused. “I’m not that stupid, man…” A small chuckle punctuates your last sentence.

Of course that’s what you took away from it. Dazai feels like an idiot, so worried that you might have realized his secret that he didn’t even pay attention to what was in front of him. You stopped for him, of course! Because you still like him. He’s sure of it, knowing you stopped something that clearly made you happy just for his comfort.

“Thank god,” he sighs in relief, causing you to raise an eyebrow.

“..? Did you actually think I was that stupid?”

“No, you idiot - I thought you were rejecting me. You still like me, that’s perfect.”

You fluster at Dazai’s words, eyes widening at the bluntness of it all. “Wh-what?! How is that what you got from what I said?”

He only grins in response, the bandaged man leaning forward over his teacup to reach you. Dazai was never one to explain what was in his mind, leaving you confused and flustered across from him. “It’s okay, pretty - I feel the same,” he whispers into your ear, only so he can watch as you shiver at the feeling of his breath against it. After pulling back, his smug grin only grows. “I thought you were avoiding me because you found out.”

Staring at him, you wonder why it is that you like him. At least now you can go back to hugging him all the time.

platonic hugging Dazai hcs 😽

like above, he's caught off guard at first

but then he decides to return the favor >:)

dazai will try and catch you off guard with a hug and it quickly turns into high stakes tag

the two of you immediately make eye contact when you're in the same room, and actively RUN from each other so the other can't hug first

high stakes tag. dazai jumped off a roof to catch you off guard one time. now he isn't allowed roof access at the ada 🙂‍↕️

he can still jump from the windows

it hits a point where everyone Around you is nervous. you two have vaulted over tables and everything it's scary

rooms will empty if the both of you are in one

dazai is definitely winning sorry! he feels it in his bones when you're about to arrive and hides behind doors to jump out at you 🙂‍↕️

[izzy-b-hands]

I think I’ve identified the main issue w/the latest rizzy fic, but fuck me if I can figure out how to fix it.

I don’t know exactly where it’s going.

Normally, this isn’t an issue. I tend to let the story flower as I go, and trim as needed.

But I’m absolutely staggered with this one, where it’s either (major spoilers for this modern AU fic plot here no matter what direction I go with it in the end, but if you don’t mind that/are curious abt the text blocks of info doing my head in, read on lmao):

Version A: Roach (independent food/chef vlogger) gets too into his May 31st project (a crepe cake) and works into June 1st, only to be reminded by Izzy of his extensively planned Pride Month activities/ideas, that Roach had advertised all the month of May as starting IMMEDIATELY on the first (aka he should already have a video of a themed dish up, but he doesn’t bc he’s on Cake Ten of the crepe cake, and their pantry is now fucking empty too.) Fic (tentatively for now) would end with Izzy figuring out how to help him A. finally finish a satisfactory crepe cake (to Roach’s standards, aka Very Fucking High), B. rapid fire choose and film one of his themed ideas for the Pride Month stuff, and C. eventually sleep bc all of this is going down at like. One in the morning.

Version B: All of the above up until Izzy’s part. Instead of figuring it out that night, he gets Roach to bed and does what he can to help before leaving for his own job (PA/Security/Other Duties As Assigned to the combined very rich household of Ed, Stede, Mary, Doug, and the kids (in a huge shared house, so they aren’t in each other’s faces if they don’t wanna be, plus Ed & Stede are implied to own other property they spend time at too.))

The issue with Version B is that I worry the thing is getting too Big:

now I have a subplot started there about Izzy admitting to Mary (when he drops in for the morning to take the kids to school and give both couples of the house one of the reject cakes that Roach has deemed won’t be used at all by him. They have ten fucking cakes in the fridge, getting rid of two barely puts a dent in it tbh)

that his mum passed, in England (implied that everyone else is living in the States or NZ, I’m not exactly sure where I wanna put them yet frankly bc either is fine like I DON’T ACTUALLY CARE BUT I GOTTA IMPLY ONE OR THE OTHER DON’T I) last year, during June.

And he just didn’t tell anyone bc A. everyone was busy w/their own lives, B. Roach was doing his usual Pride Month stuff, and Izzy always helps him film/cook/etc for any bigger projects whenever he can, and he didn’t wanna distract from that, and C. he and his mum had a Complex relationship, so he probably wasn’t going to go visit her before she died anyway (secretly, he wishes he had. Only one who knows anything abt how Izzy and his mum interacted is Ed, who tbh has gotten distracted from any of that stuff since meeting Stede and focusing on helping create the shared family they have w/Mary, Doug, and the kids. Which is absolutely fair, but still. For the sake of their friendship, it will need Addressing of some kind, at some point.)

Like all of this is fine in theory, but it already feels sort of out of control? Bc like I then need to address in a finished version of B:

-Izzy and his mum

-Izzy and Ed

-Izzy and his relationship w/Ed, Stede, Mary, Doug, and the kids. Only bc there’s the implication that while it’s good and fairly easy work for Izzy, he occasionally does feel/get treated like The Help during work hours vs someone they actually know well who happens to work for them, and they sort of. Forget that once his shift is done for the day, he might still hang out just as a friend of the family, and they don’t always remember to turn off that Voice of talking To The Help in those moments (with it being noted that Roach and other crew members have witnessed this, but have leaned on Izzy to sort of give them permission to call it out, which of course he isn’t gonna do for fear of it fucking up their arrangement, and he doesn’t wanna job search in his mid-fifties. Which I think is valid enough lol.)

-Roach and his Pride Month problem (aka he’s got all the research in front of him, in this case the idea that he’ll highlight dishes that were beloved by notable/famous ppl w/in the LGBTQ community, but Actually, that isn’t always info that’s easy to find and some of it is more basic foods which he expected, and it’s fine, except he really wanted to challenge himself and maybe if he just looks a little more he can find something else-cut to two hours later and he’s asleep on his laptop. This isn’t even getting into the actual cooking and videoing of said cooking. He needs a Break.)

-Roach and Izzy addressing their mutual issue of ‘working too goddamn much, but not knowing how to take breaks and not feel Terrible and Useless during them.’ It isn’t necessarily hurting their relationship, but it is making them both more stressed than they need to be, and neither of them knows how to calm their brains down enough to understand that they can, in fact, budget for a small break or a vacation and nothing bad will happen.

-The kids and their implied issue w/mainly Mary and Stede (Ed and Doug hang back and are still doing the ‘I’m a new stepparent and I don’t wanna fuck up and overdo any of this, so I just sort of do what my spouse tells me to do re: the kids’ discipline/scheduling/etc), that they’re forcing them into an obscene amount of extra activities (including night tennis lessons, that require Izzy to also stay/work late, not getting them home until nearly ten at night, and himself then even later.) I don’t think they actually allow night tennis of any kind for kids unless it’s like. a fun now and again event, but to me it sounds exactly like what Mary and Stede would get talked into signing the kids up for. After all, it’ll look good on various school applications, and there’s nearly two whole hours after the after school study groups and other sports they play, surely the kids don’t want to sit and do nothing then? (spoiler alert: they do. they just want to sit and do nothing and be kids, which Mary and Stede do know, but have forgotten in the mess of getting divorced, then watching each other get remarried nearly right away, then realising it would easier/cheaper to try and share a home and keep the kids stable under one roof and moving everyone in together. Not an excuse, just an explanation.)

And that’s. So Much Stuff for one fic. And that’s WITHOUT figuring out what I want the main goal/ending to look like for sure. I won’t lie and say I’m good at multichaptered fics, I’m very much not, but I think that’s the only way Version B could work. And Version B, for what it’s worth, I think could be very satisfying and interesting as a read.

Version A, on the other hand, would be shorter, less dramatic, and would probably involve just Izzy and Roach, whereas Version B eventually would at least be referencing that like. The crew we know and love still work for Ed and Stede and whatever they do in this modern AU (marketing that only involves nautical/maritime/marine life themes maybe? does it matter in the end if it gets mentioned vaguely all of once???)

Even then, we still have the issue of: where in the FUCK is any of this going? What’s the point?

Version A, to me rn, is much more focused on rizzy and the internal dynamic there, focusing hard on the comfort of their life together and tackling problems together. I could probably just pull together something cute abt Izzy trying to fix the latest crepe cake while Roach films his first Pride video. Like my current tentative ending isn’t horrible. Nothing to write home abt, but it’s Fine, ya know?

Version B, to me again dlksajf, is a bigger overall picture that frustratingly, as of yet, doesn’t have a real huge or distinct end goal. It’s less of a ‘here’s a set ending with clear wins and losses’ and more of a ‘life and ppl are messy, no matter how hard anyone tries. Everyone here is doing their best, and learning. Here’s how they’re doing by the end and what they’ve managed to learn/work on, with the implication that they’re gonna keep learning and doing better, but not without fucking up more first bc. Human’

But are either of those actually fucking satsifying???? I wish I knew!!! I was absolutely flying along writing the draft for Version B until all of the above shit knocked on the door of my brain and put up a goddamn roadblock!!!

This is so much info, but if you’ve read this far and have any thoughts/opinions on which of these seems more worth pursuing, please let me know somehow. I’m dying to brainstorm & bounce ideas around w/folks. But even if u just wanna say ‘nah Version A sucks do B’ or vice versa. Pls say it fdksafalk

[nessinborderland]

The Games We Play

Pairing: Niragi x Reader x Chishiya

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: You have been playing with them for long enough. They want to win the game.

Warnings: Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Vaginal Sex, Dubious Consent, Double Penetration, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism, Shower Sex, Overstimulation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Creampie, Cum Eating, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot

Notes: One-shot based on these two submissions:

Anonymous said: okay so first I love your imagines sm!!! your writing its so good and second I was wondering if u could do a chishiya x niragi × brat reader plsss😳👉🏻👈🏻 

Anonymous said: Do you think that you could maybe write something where fem!reader keeps rejecting Niragi and Chishiya (bc she's playing hard to get and likes watching them compete for her) and Niragi and Chishiya find out and corner her, which leads to a steamy threesome shdhfhgkYou don't have to write it if you don't want to! You're doing amazing and I love love loooove your writing! Keep up the great work, and remember to take care of yourself too!! 💜💜

Is this any good? No idea, you let me know ahaha.

You always liked the attention people give you. Men, women, or in between, you have a way to draw people to you. You don't even do it on purpose; it just happens. There is always someone wanting to sleep with you, or take you on a date, or introduce you to their parents. But you don't want any of that. You just like the attention, to see people competing for your affection. It makes you feel desired. It makes you feel important.

You love it; you crave it.

It's no different when you find yourself in the Borderlands and at the Beach. People still try to get your attention. Some had even tried to take you against your will, more than once. But you know what you're doing; you are prepared for that kind of thing. It also helps that someone always has your back.

More specifically: two men. Men that you are more than just interested in. You had caught their attention too, right in the first few days of you being there. And, just like the others, you played with them. You acted interested in one moment, uninterested the next.

They are so different but so alike at the same time; two sides of the same coin. One is darkness, the other is light; one is fire, the other is ice; one lures you in with seduction, the other with mystery. Both beautiful, both dangerous.

You want them; you really really do. But you also love playing games. And oh, you play them well. It's so much fun, seeing them compete for you. They are both too proud to do something that will downright demonstrate their interest in you, but you know. You always know.

When Niragi passed you by the pool, eyes lingering on your body like a starved wolf, you could tell. When everybody else seemed afraid to get close to you, you knew that was his doing. When he approached you at the club, hands on your hips and pierced tongue on your neck, that was a sign clear as day. He wants you as much as you want him. 

Things hadn’t been that different with Chishiya. The way he talked to you, silver tongue ready to manipulate you, whispering sweet things in your ear as his fingers brushed against your naked arm; you knew what he wanted then. When he showed off at games, using his intelligence to win; you knew he wasn’t just trying to win the game. 

But, like so many others before them, you pushed them away and faked disinterest. 

You want to see where you can push them. It's mostly curiosity on your part; will they give up? Snap? Fight each other to death? You are dying to know.

And it seems like you are getting your answer tonight.

“Good evening, gentleman,” you greet them as you close your bedroom door. You weren’t expecting them, but you also can’t say you are fully surprised. “I think you’re in the wrong room.” 

You just observe them when neither of them says a word. Niragi is leaning against a wall, arms crossed as he looks at you with fire in his eyes; if lust, anger, or a mix of both, you can’t tell. Chishiya sits at the end of your bed, leaning back on his hands as he also gazes at you. He was always a hard man to read; tonight is no different. 

You should be afraid; you should. But there is no reason to be when this is pretty close to what you desire. When they keep quiet, you go around your room as if they aren’t there. You ignore them, as you so masterfully do in every other situation. You can feel their eyes on you, burning the skin as you make your way to the bathroom, leaving the door open. You can hear footsteps as Niragi gets closer. 

“Niragi, be a dear and get me my towel, yes?” you ask in a soft tone, turning your back to him as you slowly start to undress. You look over your shoulder when he just stands there, leaning against the threshold as his eyes take in your curves. “See something you like?”

“Plenty…” is all he says, pierced tongue showing in between his teeth to lick his bottom lip. Chishiya chooses that moment to appear, your towel in hand. You smile at him as you take the cloth, making sure your fingers brush against his. 

“Ah, thank you, handsome,” you say, lips widening in a soft smile in his direction. He smirks in response, eyes glued to your naked chest as he stands there next to Niragi. You turn around and get into the shower box, turning on the faucet. You gasp as the cold water hits your warm skin, exaggerating your reaction for them. 

You wonder how much longer they will control themselves. You can feel yourself getting wet from anticipation, and you brush your thighs together without even realizing it. You control the want to look over your shoulder, wondering what is taking them so long. You can hear their murmurs as they speak between them, the stream of water falling on your head making it hard for you to distinguish words. 

Then you feel warm hands on your hips, soft but firm. 

“You know, kitten,” Niragi’s voice on your ear is mistakenly sweet, like bitter chocolate. You don’t mind a little bitterness. “I think you have been playing with us for way too long…” His hands go up to cup your breasts, large palms pushing them up. You’re forced to bump against his chest, a shiver running down your spine when you feel his naked skin against yours. His hard erection brushes against your ass, making you gasp. He laughs, “I wanted to do things my way, but Chishiya here had a plan I just couldn’t resist. So here we are.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say in a confused tone. You turn around to face him, glancing at Chishiya, still by the door, “What do you mean I’ve been playing with you?” you turn your head to the side, giving them your best impression of puppy-eyes. Now is Chishiya’s time to laugh.

“Oh, you’re infuriatingly beautiful,” he says without a change of expression. “We know what your game is. Honestly, it took me some time to understand exactly what your moves were, but I know I can win now. We can win now.”

“It never crossed my mind that you liked to share,” you let your mask fall, and Chishiya’s smirk grows wider. “C’mon, you can’t blame a girl for being curious. I get bored easily.” Niragi huffs out a laugh, giving you a light spank to your backside.

“Something tells me we’re gonna have a lot of fun together,” he says in your ear, before turning you completely towards Chishiya. “I’m sure you don’t mind that I fuck her first, do you?” 

“Nah, I like to watch.” is Chishiya’s shrugged response, “Just don’t tire her too much; I have some plans for her too.”

Your hand snaps to grab Niragi’s hair, and you pull a strand as you force his head down. “I think you’re being way too confident,” you say against his cheek. “I haven’t given any of you my consent.” his hands proceed to grab your neck, pressuring just enough to make you want to cough.

“Fortunately for me,” he starts, “I didn’t ask for your consent.” you yelp as he forces your head to the side, licking your wet skin from chest to ear. He hums in approval, “Your skin tastes good,” the hand still on your chest slides down your belly to the apex of your thighs, “I wonder what more of you is sweet…”

Your body shivers and you close your eyes as he starts fingering you under the hot stream of water. Your shivers don’t come from fear but pleasure, as you try to contain your moans to not give them the satisfaction. This is your game, after all. Niragi’s fingers are long and slim inside you, two digits thrusting in and out as his thumb plays with your clit. He rubs against you from behind, cock nestled between your ass cheeks as he tries to get some friction. His other hand lifts your thigh off the ground, giving Chishiya a nice view of your stuffed pussy.

“Add another one,” Chishiya’s words make you open your eyes. You moan as you take in his state of undress, fisting his engorged cock as he watches you through half-lidded eyes. You clench around Niragi’s fingers, making him chuckle.

“Fuck that, I think she’s ready for something bigger,” he says as he pushes you against the shower wall. He shoves himself inside you with a grunt, and you whimper at the stretching sensation. “Do you like that, you little slut?” Niragi asks with a bite to your earlobe as he makes you take his cock inch by inch.

“I– I’ve had bigger,” is all you manage to say. Your words clearly affect him. He tilts your hips further up and – with so much force that you scream – fills you to the brim with a slap of his pelvis against your ass. You can faintly hear Chishiya say something, but you’re too focused on the pleasure and pain at your core as Niragi starts to move, stretching you further with each thrust. You’re moaning freely not long after, slowly sliding down the shower wall as you try not to lose your balance, your orgasm so close to making you fall apart. Niragi’s hands keep you up as he uses you, fucking you relentlessly as he grunts filthy things in your ear; things that only make you clench harder around him. 

“That’s it, kitten…” his words are followed by a firm thrust, making you whine. He takes that opportunity to put two fingers inside your mouth, pressuring your tongue in a clear order to suck on them. You suck on his digits the best you can, faintly tasting yourself as those same fingers were inside your cunt not long ago. He moans then, and you can feel him close to orgasm. “I’m gonna fill you up so good, you’ll be leaking with my cum for days,” you clench around him again and he chuckles, his thrusts getting more erratic and his grip tighter on your flesh, “No one will want to fuck you then, except me–”

“– And me,” Chishiya says in a deep voice. You look to the side to see him still stroking himself, long, slow gestures as beads of precum glow on the tip. You moan further around Niragi’s fingers, imagining that it's Chishiya’s thick cock instead. The pressure in your core grows, but never enough for you to come. You grunt in frustration, and Chishiya lets out a huffed laugh. “You should let her come, she’s getting desperate.”

“She can come after I fill her up,” Niragi answers with a hard slap to your ass. You jolt forward with a yelp, but he ignores you as he keeps impaling you on his cock. “Shit, I’m so close…” his mouth goes to your shoulder, and you feel his teeth on your skin.

“N– no,” you faintly say, pushing your hips against his in a pathetic attempt of shoving him off of you, “Not inside, get off.” He ignores your words, and you feel warmth in your core as he comes right after, fucking you through his orgasm as you milk him dry. You whimper when he pulls out, feeling immediately when his cum oozes out of you and starts sliding down your thighs. You keep your forehead pressed against the shower wall, regaining your breath as your legs shake. 

You feel sore, but you also feel electrified. You want more, and you know you’ll get it. You gasp when Niragi abruptly pulls you into a kiss, teeth nibbling on your bottom lip and tongue pressing against the back of your throat before he lets you go.

“She’s all yours,” he says to Chishiya before sliding out of the shower and drying himself on your towel. You just look at the other man, waiting for him to make the first move. Niragi sends you a look before approaching you again and involving you in your towel. He passes by Chishiya, dropping you on the bed before laying beside you, back against the headboard and arms crossed behind his head. “Let’s go, I don’t have all night.”

Chishiya gets closer, steps slow but determined. His eyes remind you of a cat on a hunt. It only makes the fire in your core come back ten times stronger. You keep your gaze locked on him as he gets closer, stopping by the foot of the bed before glancing at Niragi.

“Are you just going to watch?” he asks, mattress sinking under his weight as he gets on the bed. “Or you want to join?” his words make you clench around nothing, a moan escaping your lips as you imagine all the things they can do to you; at the same time. Both men snicker at your reaction, and Niragi promptly pulls you against his chest.

“Let’s see what you have in mind for her, first,” he says with a squeeze to your tit, “But I wouldn’t mind making her beg.”

“Good luck making me beg for anything,” you retort, a smirk playing on your lips.

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” Chishiya says as he gets closer, hand sliding up your leg. His touch makes you shiver, and his next words make you whimper, “Keep her wide open for me. Let’s see how long it takes until she’s begging.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” you repeat his words back to him. He smirks, exchanging a look with the man behind you. You gasp when Niragi grips your thighs, folding them against your body. Your pussy is in full view now, open and glistening with your mixed cum. Chishiya licks his lips as he sets himself in-between your legs, hot breath tickling your swollen clit. You gaze at him through half-lidded eyes, expecting the moment when he finally touches you with his lips.

His fingers touch you instead, going up your slit as he gathers the cum from your skin. You just look, entranced as he licks his fingers clean with a hmm of approval. You moan at the sight at the same time Niragi grunts behind you, whispering out a curse before you feel him grind on you. 

Chishiya is back at your cunt, and this time wastes no time in latching his lips on your clit, making you arch your back with a whine. You try to close your thighs on a reflex, but Niragi’s strong hands stop you from doing it, pressing your legs further against your body. So you just hear yourself get louder as Chishiya works wonders on your pussy, either by sucking on you or fucking you with his tongue. The slurping noises as he eats you out only make it worse, and you can’t control yourself from fisting his hair, forcing his face further against your pussy as you move your hips in unison with his licks. The man behind you fills your neck with licks and bites, telling you in detail of his plans to fuck you in every room of the Beach, as he grinds on your ass. Fuck, you want him inside you. This is all too much. You desperately want to come.

“Don’t stop,” you cry out after a particularly good flick of Chishiya’s tongue against your sensitive bud. Your legs shake, and your core burns from the impending orgasm, so close but not close enough, “Don’t you dare stop, I’m so close…”

He stops. Of course he does. You let out a frustrated whine as he pulls away from you with a last lick to your folds. He licks his glistening lips with a satisfied grin, before grabbing you by the chin, pressing his lips to yours in a strangely soft kiss. He hums before looking at Niragi with a raised brow.

“Did that sound like begging to you?” he asks in a fake inquisitional tone. 

“No, it did not.” Niragi laughs, shaking his head, “Guess we’ll have to give it to her harder.”

“I would like to see you try,” is all you say before grabbing Chishiya by the shoulders and pushing him down on the bed, straddling his hips. You both moan as you swiftly impale yourself on his shaft, moving your hips as he starts bucking into you. His hands go to your hips, keeping you at his desired pace. You throw your head back, feeling him inside you as he pleasurably touches your g-spot with each thrust. You’re about to slide your hand down to your clit – desperate to ease that hot pressure within you – when a hand stops you.

“Nobody said you could touch yourself, kitten,” Niragi says in your ear, hand sliding up your back. You yelp when he pushes you against Chishiya’s chest, his other hand tilting your hips up. The man beneath you keeps fucking you as if nothing happened, eyes locked on the man behind you. You gasp when you feel Niragi’s fingers over your asshole, realizing what his plan is a little too late. You jolt forward with a cry when you feel one of his fingers penetrate your tight ring, carefully at first until he tries to push in another. You freeze for a moment at the sensation of fullness, and you wonder if you can take more of him. 

“Relax, honey,” Chishiya says as he slows down his thrusts, hand raising to cradle your face as you moan from both discomfort and pleasure, “Focus on me.” you do as he says, relaxing your lower muscles until all you can feel in the amazing sensations they provide inside both your holes. 

That doesn’t stop you from crying out when Niragi starts penetrating your tight hole with his cock, inch by inch until he’s fully inside. You keep your mouth open in a constant moan as they both start to fuck you. You have never felt so full in your life. So unbelievably, deliciously stretched. You can barely think, letting them use your body as they see fit. You’re beyond caring, feeling your orgasm closer and closer, as they touch every spot inside you that makes you moan, cry and whine at each thrust. Your pleads to come are nothing but mumbled words that neither of them seems to hear. It’s exhilarating.

“Please– please,” is all you manage to say.

“Please what, kitten?” Niragi says with a grunt, followed by a hard spank to your ass. That makes you clench around them both, only making them fasten their thrusts. You shake your head, burying your face on Chishiya’s neck.

“All you have to do is ask us nicely, honey,” he says with a kiss to your temple. You weakly shake your head, biting your lips in a failed attempt to keep quiet. They should be the ones begging, not you.

But you can’t. Not when you feel so full, so stretched by those two men. You should’ve fucked them a long time ago, have you in control. But like this, with both teaming up to make a mess of your mind and body, it’s impossible. 

Someone’s fingers flick against your clit, and you whine in response to the touch, pushing your hips as best you can against those fingers. Mission close to impossible when there are two cocks inside you, their bodies keeping you trapped and practically unable to move. So you allow yourself to be as vocal as you want. Then the touch stops. Then it proceeds again, just to stop once more. You feel like crying. This is too much.

“Please– please let me come, please!” you finally say the words they want to hear. The hand on your clit fastens and so do their thrusts. Yes, just like that. You come so hard your scream in ecstasy, sparks of white blurring your vision as your body spasms, pussy clenching in a vice grip around their cocks. You let yourself relax, too tired and blind by your orgasm to move.

You feel when Niragi comes right after, hips slapping against your ass as he fills you up with his cum for the second time that night. He keeps rocking against you before he stays still and pulls out from your hole. You whine at the emptiness he leaves behind, his cum already sliding out of you. Chishiya is next, rolling you on your back as he comes in you, stuffing your already filled pussy with even more cum.

You’re a panting mess as he too pulls out before laying down beside you. You don’t have the strength to close your legs, too sore and sensitive to even give it much thought. Your eyes flutter close as you try to calm down your heartbeat. All you want now is a hot bath and a long nap.

“Ready for round two?” you hear Chishiya’s panting question. That makes you open your eyes, staring at the men on each side of you. They both look satisfied, Niragi is back to leaning against the headboard as Chishiya stares at you with a glint in his eyes.

“Nah, she’s all yours,” is Niragi’s tired answer. “I’ll just watch this time.” Chishiya’s smirk widens.

“More for me then,” he says before covering your body with his. You gasp, surprised by his advances. What can he possibly be planning? You don’t think you have it in you for more. He notices your expression, before leaning to kiss your breast, hand sliding down your body with feathery touches. “I told you I was going to make you beg,” his eyes are locked on you as he goes down your body. He stops by your mound, pressing a kiss to your clit, making you gasp from oversensitivity. “You begged me to come...now you will beg me to stop.”

[imasimpforshanks]

omg I am so sorry I completely forgot to put the alphabet 😅 E C J M T for Shanks for the angst alphabet! thank you and sorry for the mistake! ❤️

Angst Alphabet - Shanks

a/n: hiii! Thank y’all for requesting! To the second anon, I went with Shanks (I hope that’s ok!!!) 💗💗💗

LOLOL THIS MY HUSBANDDDDD 💍😍

A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

It would depend on how much he felt he could have prevented it. However, Shanks understands all to well just how cruel the world can be. He can’t constantly be in control of everything, so although it would be devastating, he would have to realize that this is reality.

B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)

Shanks would use the excuse that he is a Yonko. He’s no good for you, and you deserve so much better than an infamous pirate who only brings danger. While these are just excuses - ways to make breaking up with you easier - he really would be speaking from the heart. Shanks has always felt this way but never voiced it, but now it’s finally time to let you go.

C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)

He leaves for long periods of time and refuses to you along. You know he’s only doing it for your safety, but it hurts that he doesn’t think you’re strong or responsible enough to join his crew on their voyages (note: he doesn’t actually think you’re not strong or responsible – his pirate life is just extremely dangerous, even as a yonko).

D-Death (how would they react to your death?)

He’s seen and experienced a lot of death in his life so he’d be a able to cope with it a little better than others would. Even so, your death would still be heart-breaking (he would mourn privately though). Now, if he literally saw you get killed in front of him then RIP to the person who killed you because they will be the one/s to die next.

E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)

Shanks is quite an open book. If he’s angry everyone knows. If he’s happy everyone knows (etc.). But, if I really had to pick one… I suppose it would be sadness or grief. He feels obligated to put on a front for his crew (although they can see right through it). He tends to let out his sadness and grief when he’s alone.

F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)

He tends to crack jokes before your fights can escalate into anything too serious. Sometimes it’s intentional, but other times it’s just his personality shining through. And rather than serious fights there’s just a lot of teasing and taunts between the two of you.

If you were to have a serious fight, it would be about both of your safety (As would most fights with any of the One Piece characters).

G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)

More often than not, Shanks finds himself able let go of a LOT of shit. But the one thing he can’t seem to stop feeling guilty about is his failure to show up to Marineford on time. He knows he’s not directly responsible for Ace’s death, but that doesn’t stop the overwhelming guilt. If only he had gotten there a few minutes earlier.

H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)

Coming back to you after each voyage is something he always looks forward to. However, that happiness is short-lived when he realizes he has to leave again in a few weeks. It’s always so painful having to say goodbye again.

I don’t think he would be too different during a break-up. Perhaps he may crack a few less jokes, but other than that, his personality and demeanour when around others remains the same. It isn’t until he’s alone that he lets his smile fall.

I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)

Undoubtedly, he’d be concerned, but he knows you’ll pull through (you have to pull through). So, after that initial concern has passed, he’ll be feeling all types of pissed off. Whoever, or whatever, injured you will pay – and honestly, he may not even deal the perpetrator himself (his crew is already on it - you are like family to them).

J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)

I honestly think Shanks is just the type of person to just tell you if he’s jealous. But he wouldn’t say “uhh I’m feeling a little jealous” or anything along those lines – no. Instead, Shanks puts on a little pout and does a massive fake sigh until you finally ask him what’s wrong. That’s when he hits you with the “I guess my attention just isn’t enough for you”, and you’re like “HUH?? MF WHAT?” He’s literally such a child HAHA.

But, if there’s one particular person he really does not like you being around and they won’t leave you alone, then he is not at all opposed to just shoving his tongue down your throat right in front of them. That’ll definitely get the message across.

K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)

Shanks may be a goofy and laid-back individual, but he will resort to violence if the situation calls for it. So, it is very likely that Shanks would kill for revenge. Maybe he wouldn’t necessarily do it himself. But, if he orders it, it’ll definitely happen.

L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)

Gol D. Roger’s death was probably one of the greatest losses in Shanks’ life. Roger is the reason Shanks is a pirate today, and young shanks was absolutely broken by his death.

(hard to write much for this one seeing as shanks’ character is still quite a mystery to us!)

M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)

One time he completely forgot a date night that you spent SO LONG planning. It wasn’t just any date night either. It was a date you planned on his final night before him and his crew had to leave again for a while. You spent hours waiting for to show up, but he was nowhere to be seen. Finally, he showed up at your place, breath reeking of booze. You just looked at him and it hit him (he was like “OH SHIT”). He started apologizing profusely. He didn’t try to make any excuses, he completely owned up to being a shitty boyfriend. But, the moment he knew he had well and truly fucked up was when you just nodded and waved good night to him, wishing him safe travels – you didn’t cry, get visibly angry you just left alone. Shanks knew that was far worse than any yelling.

N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?)

I literally am not joking when I say this but I think Shanks practically drinks till he passes out so even if he were to get nightmares he wouldn’t wake up LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO (ok maybe I am joking with this one but also kind of not).

In all seriousness though, I don’t think Shanks has nightmares very frequently. It’s gotten to the point where any fear or things of that matter that could be nightmares for him, have become so common in his life that he almost finds it not frightening to think about.

O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)

He would get mad at you for placing yourself in unnecessary danger. He’d call you stupid and irresponsible, even though he doesn’t really mean any of those things – it’s just the image of him potentially losing you forever is replaying in his mind and it absolutely terrifies him.

P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)

You saw him get serious serious once before. Like the kind of serious where he uses his conquerors haki and everything. It definitely caused a bit of a change in your relationship as it was terrifying to witness. You’ve always known Shanks was strong and intimidating when needed, but that moment really showed you what it meant when people called him an “emperor of the sea”.

Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)

Not wanting to openly express his sadness and grief in front of others can be a very unhealthy quality. Shanks doesn’t allow himself good enough opportunities to express him emotions in a safe and healthy manner.

R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around))

(First of all WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO REJECT SHANKS ANYWAY LIKE HUBBA HUBBA I LOVE HIM ANYWHOOOOOOOOO…..) Shanks is the type to just shrug it off. He’d be a little disappointed, bc c’mon the hottest most amazing person he’s ever known just turned him down! But he knows not everything in life goes how you want it to. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and this just happens to be one of the things he’s lost. So ultimately, he’ll just shrug it off. (he will definitely get teased by his crew though).

S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)

Shanks has no self-inflicted wounds. But he does have a scar across his left eye given to him by Blackbeard. He also has a missing arm which he (heroically) sacrificed as he saved lil Luffys life (does a missing arm even count as a scar?)

T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)

He’s never given you any reason to not trust him. He’s always open and honest with you. Well, as honest as he can be without placing you in any danger. Trust was something needed from the get-go of your relationship because he would be gone for long periods of time. The two of you wouldn’t be able to last without trust.

Oh, also if shanks ever did do anything to break your trust you best believe his crew will beat his ass (especially Benn). You’re family to them.

U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)

My god does he want to see you. He would give his other arm just to be right by your side in an instant. He’s gone for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. Shanks loves his crew, they’re a lively bunch and he trusts them with his life, and vice versa. But they’re not you. They don’t provide him with that same feeling of home that you do. Sure, this could be fixed if he let you join the crew on their journeys, but he absolutely cannot place you in that kind of danger. You’re already in enough danger as it is simply being in a relationship with him.

V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)

Rather than lashing out at you, Shanks tends to give you the silent treatment. He looks at you without a word and just turns away. He does this in an attempt to make you feel guilty and as if everything is your fault.

W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)

There isn’t much that makes Shanks feel weak. But, being unable to be near his s/o is one of the few things that does make him feel weak. It’s a constant struggle between wanting to have them around him constantly, but also not wanting to place them in any danger. Ultimately, he decides that not placing them in danger is the better choice, despite how much it pains him.

X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)

Shanks can handle being picked on and ridiculed himself, but he will not tolerate that sort of behaviour towards his friends. The second someone goes after a friend (or someone else he cares about) they are done for.

Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)

LMFAOOOOOO WHY DID MY BRAIN AUTOMATICALLY THINK “his arm back” OOP-

I’M SORRY BUT I LITERALLY CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN HIS ARM HAHAHAHAHAH

Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)

He’d try to crack a few jokes to at least help you feel better. Other than that, he just tries to make the most of your final moments together.

[straighttma]

i made a rough plot for straighttma, do with this what you will

S1- Sasha has a crush on Jon; Jon thinks he’s too good for her. Tim is a massive twink; subtle feelings for Jon are shown. Martin gets made fun of a lot. Jane Prentiss tries to seduce Martin. Angry that he spurns her, she attacks the Institute. Michael is nonbinary and portrayed as predatory. Elias is a misogynist. (idk why this is super undetailed compared to the other ones)

  S2- Sasha is replaced by the not-them who is way more attractive than her; Jon falls for her. Martin gets made fun of a lot. Tim grows strangely depressed and begins to act out of character. (I feel like his parents come to stay with him or something and start making fun of him for being gay so he tones down his queerness.) This makes Jon suspicious of him. Helen comes and gives her statement and Jon cheats on Sasha with her. When he finds out that Michael ate her he is full of manly rage. He still is with [not] Sasha tho. Jon is devastated when he finds out that Sasha was killed by the not-them since he loved her all along. Daisy and Basira are still suspicious of Jon, pretty much business as usual with them. Also, Jon finds out that Elias and Gertrude were married and he is the product of Gertrude’s affair with Leitner. 

  S3 - Jon goes to stay with Georgie and Quincy. Georgie is a kindergarten teacher. They start off rocky until Elias realizes that Quincy has inherited some of Jon’s eye powers and kidnaps him (to use him for the apocalypse, though Jon doesn’t know this.) Jon and Georgie bond over saving their child and fall in love again. Then, Jon is kidnapped by Nikola and when Michael comes to kill him, Jon is so clearly enraged about Michael eating Helen that Helen is able to take over Michael through the power of love. However, Jon is disgusted by Helen’s new monstrous form (she just has red eyes and really long fingernails) so he reluctantly travels through her door, telling Helen that he doesn’t believe it’s really her anymore. After this, Jon realizes that he must protect Quincy and Georgie by returning to the Institute. Basira and Melanie still get tricked into joining the Institute. Also, Melanie ran a ghost-themed youtube channel rather than a ghost hunt one. When Jon goes to visit Jude, he brings Melanie along and there is weird sexual tension between them. Later they are shown fxcking. When Jon visits Mike Crew instead of Mike Vasting him, they get in a physical fight. Then Daisy comes and takes Mike by surprise. She realizes that since Jon was fighting Mike he must be good so they go back to the Institute together where the Elias scene happens. Also, when Tim finds out that Jon was kidnapped by Nikola he vows to get revenge and is shown being super dedicated to stopping the Unknowing. He lies and says that he had a brother who was taken by them so no one suspects his feelings. At the Unknowing, Nikola says she’ll kill Jon if Tim doesn’t confess his feelings so he does. Also, Gertrude comes to Jon the same as before (she looks super young for an old lady) and says she’s disappointed in him. Same with Leitner. Daisy kills Hope and is put in the Buried by Breekon but this is portrayed as her being strong but just not strong enough. Then Tim sacrifices himself to save everyone.

  S4 - After watching Jon nearly die, Basira realizes she loves Jon. She visits him in the hospital everyday. Then Ophelia (Oliver) Banks comes and goes into Jon’s dream to bang him which wakes him up. At first, Basira is really jealous and acts hostile to Jon but their feelings finally culminate and they kiss. Meanwhile, Peter Lukas--who is bitter because Gertrude rejected him--asks Martin if he wants revenge on the archival staff for making fun of him all the time. Martin says yes and turns evil and starts working for Peter. It turns out that when the Flesh attacked, Melanie got a slaughter bullet in her bc Jared just happened to be using a slaughter gun. The only reason Basira and Melanie are alive is because Helen saved them (same as before except in this one Melanie is incapable and weak.) After Jon removes the slaughter bullet from Melanie she realizes she loves him. Jon has some conflict but he decides he likes Melanie better. They are together for a while but ultimately break up because Melanie is too much of a SJW. Breekon delivers the coffin and Jon ceaseless watches him in rage at him having Daisy in the coffin. He goes in there. He and Daisy frick in there and now they are together. Jon asks Daisy to give up the Hunt because obviously he knows what’s best for her and she does it. Then they go to stop Manuela together. Meanwhile, Melanie tries to find out Peter and Martin’s plan. She and Martin start to bond over being weirdo outsiders. When Daisy and Jon find Manuela she is a cold, sexy-but-traumatized femme fatale. Jon starts to know her to death or whatever he did to Breekon because he is struggling with his humanity but then Daisy begs him to stop. Helen shows up and eats Manuela. Daisy and Jon get mad at her for this because it’s evil or whatever. Then they return to the Institute. Jon starts being suspicious about Annabelle Cane so he goes to Hilltop Road alone. Annabelle Cane is there and she’s Russian and wearing all leather. She says she’ll tell Jon her plan if he fricks her. Jon wants to say no but the Web compels him to do it (this is portrayed as hot rather than as rape.) Anyway, so Jon and Anabelle Cane frick and then Anabelle gives Jon her statement before leaving stealthily. When Jon returns, Melanie says there’s tapes from Martin on her desk. Martin apparently was having second guesses about being evil because of his newfound love for Melanie. Trevor, Julia, and the not-them show up so Daisy kisses Jon and sacrifices herself back into the hunt to stop them. Basira is killed in the mix. Who knows what Melanie is doing. And Jon goes to the panopticon to stop Peter and Martin. Meanwhile, things go down as usual except Peter has kidnapped Georgie in order to lure Jon. He chucks Georgie and Martin into the lonely. Jon goes in there to save them but is only able to bring Georgie back but he does manage to destroy Lukas. Jon asks Melanie to take care of Quincy so that Quincy can be safe from anything that follows Jon. Then Jon and Georgie go to the safehouse together and frick a lot. Jon starts the eyepocalypse or whatever idk.

  S5 - Jon and Georgie begin to travel through the apocalypse. In each domain, Jon kills the avatar, thus freeing the people. However, Jon knows that there’s too many domains for him to reach each one so he has to destroy Elias to destroy all of the domains at once. Helen follows Jon and Georgie around like in the real thing. They go to the hunt domain where daisy is and Jon sees that she’s monstrous so he kills her. As Daisy dies in his arms, she says she still loves him and she kisses him. Georgie is jealous and this leads to conflict. When they get to Salaesa’s they find out he was controlling Annabelle all along. Annabelle keeps trying to seduce Jon and Jon rejects her but Salaesa gets mad and kicks Jon and Georgie out. Georgie doesn’t believe Jon was innocent in this. Then when they get to Martin’s domain they find that Martin has been protecting Melanie and Quincy there all along and Melanie and Martin are completely in love. When Georgie sees how excited Jon is to see Quincy, she realizes that she can’t stay mad at him and she loves him so they frick and make up. Melanie and Martin agree to take care of Quincy until Jon and Georgie save the world. When Jon and Georgie make it to the Panopticon, Elias is there. Elias is sad because even though he is immortal and all-powerful, he doesn’t have love like Jon and Georgie do. Jon defeats Elias--who is weakened from his remorse--in an eye-power battle. Jon wins and somehow killing Elias restores the world exactly to normal (but the fears are still there.) Everyone forgets what happened except for Jon, Georgie, Melanie, and Martin. Jon takes over the Institute and runs it except now it’s good that he’s collecting people’s statements because he’s severed his and the institute’s connection with the eye yet he still has eye powers. He and Georgie move to the suburbs, marry, and raise Quincy together. Martin and Melanie continue working at the institute and also get married. The last line of the show is some lame joke at Martin’s expense.

[animeloversworldsblog]

Guren Ichinose victim of emotional and physical abuse

Guren is someone who is always guilty for every act he commits, he is seen as a genocidal and a bad person who has played with people's lives as he pleases, but what I have noticed is that many ignore that Guren is a victim of emotional and physical abuse, that he has made mistakes, and he himself knows what was his biggest mistake in life, he is naive, he is abusive, but only with himself, he is a boy that anyone can hurt him and even so he keep trying and striving for the people he love. He always cares about others, he always tries to strive to be a better person and does nothing but try again and again to learn, teach, fight only to protect others.

Many ignore the fact that his misfortunes began from the moment he interacted with a completely toxic and abusive girl, where many say that it was one of the best things that happened to guren, which is actually seen, a little boy who begins to show and feel like a person without value, without self-esteem. Guren since he starts interacting with Mahiru since he was 5 years old shows signs of emotional abuse, such as manipulation, control and being forced and pressured into something that he is not, he was just a naive and innocent child, she is his trauma, that trauma that prevented him from growing as a person and seeing that there are many more things than just feeling like garbage all the time. But mahiru was not an innocent girl, already at that age she was aware of many things, the worst of all, that of hurting an innocent family that had nothing to do with her simply because she wanted revenge on her family. 

Many speak of guren being in love of mahiru from 5 years to adolescence, and even still 24 years old.

Guren was never in love, the emotional abuse that guren has suffered since he was a child by mahiru is not love, since she forced his mind and turned it into a fantasy bond. Guren being a child falls in love with the idea of ​​childhood love not with mahiru, guren think that interect with her is the most normal thing, so he created an illusionary connection with her, created a sense of safety and security so guren begins to feel responsible for her from the moment they take mahiru by force and he feels that he could not protect her. Now when guren grows he still feels affection towards her, an attached because guren wants to protect them all equally. But the illusion connection guren created as child making see that the reality wasn't how he think it was as child, he even realized that was a childhood thing and he was naive. Guren sees her as his childhood friend, but he does not show to be in love, also the first thing that saito tells guren is that he is in love and is strong for her, to which guren immediately rejects that and even when she appears guren rejects her more than once without doubt. 

Why do I say that guren was never in love, and his relationship with mahiru was nothing more than abuse, control and destruction? Because drive guren more and more to madness to the point that he lost all sense of self so much that he could no longer see himself realistically anymore.

Guren shouldn't be romanticized in catastrophe at 16 with Mahiru saying that he was in love when in reality he was being forced to love and protect a completely destructive and toxic person to the point of wanting to destroy everything that Guren truly valued and truly loved. 

His interaction with mahiru is nothing more than destructive, not love, he was too pressure for her that in more than one occasion he did not want to get involved with her, and even refuses to be like her and follow her orders, because he knew that she was problematic. In more than once, he wants to keep her away from him, he did not want to know anything about her, and he even began to realize that getting involved with her would make him regret later, guren was mentally healthy with his friends, his family but every time guren got involved with her, or even every time she was mentioned guren shows many signs of being a victim of abuse by mahiru, not of being in love when is far away from be it, guren feel depressed and useless just by being close to her, even as a child Guren begins to interact, not with a girl as she should be at her age, but with an illusion, Guren creates a fantasy bond with her and there she begins to kill his innocence because guren begins to blame himself for not protecting her and carries great guilt and low self-esteem ever since, he begins to have a fantasy bond that offers an illusion of love which prevents real emotional contact and how he is a kid he have no idea of what is being in love he even idolized her so much, so when he grow up what he feels for her is caring bcs to him she was still the innocent girl he met and the victim of her family. Their interaction did nothing but destroy Guren and lead him to this day to be completely damaged and to do what he is doing simply for the fact of getting involved with her. Guren has no options, he can't just get rid of her. He can't achieve things of his own, would be great to him do that bcs he tried it, instead to follow her orders and executes her plan. But he has no option bcs he is not even owner of his body. 

Guren demonstrates from the first moment he meets her, like an innocent child, is that the initial encounter and perception of him strongly influenced his developing relationship with Mahiru. If guren had understood from the beginning that she was not who she seemed to be, and that she was simply hiding behind a facade of what she appeared to be, then guren would have been more cautious about getting involved with her. But guren showed his personality, sensitivities, emotional sensitivity and, above all, conscience, something that a person as manipulative, controlling and forcing, since she was a child, like mahiru, saw and took advantage of, knowing that with those possibilities she could hook guren to get involved with her because he was a kind, sentimental and affectionate child and, of course, because he wanted to help her. Mahiru was initially interested in his kindness, and often praised him for the wonderful child that he was. But that praise for those qualities was minimized because she was using him in the service of someone who didn't really care about him. She really only cared about what he could do for her.

All this gets even worse when he sees her again at school which, you can see a guren who feels incompetent, does not smile, or feel happy every time he sees her and talks to her even before mahiru started to murder and drag guren to madness, guren never shows signs of feeling good or happy when she is around him or talks to her, always doubts and feels like trash, vulnerable .Guren does nothing but want to help her, he feels responsible and attached to her, throughout the novel Guren does nothing but please her, because he believes that that would make her feel better,  he feel pity for her, so he think that do whatever she wants is gonna make her feel better she wanna to be hug, kiss and sleep with him bcs she ask all that, so guren does that, he even ask himself if do what he does with her is the right choice but is nothing romantic in all that with her, is just to pleased her, out of pity and bcs to him she was just a poor girl with many problems, so he wants to comfort her bcs maybe that help her. The only thing guren know for sure is that he wanted to help her and save her bcs he felt responsible for her, bcs he was weak as child and couldn't protect her so he tried to repair his weakness with her. But his feeling for her are not for love. Even on resurrection guren was able to realize that it wasn't his fault all what mahiru did, (playing the victim role), but he was a victim of her and that he felt fear and knows he was being manipulate from her when he was a child. Guren is in pain bcs his friends were death not for mahiru, he was literally crazy in the end and he couldn't see the reality anymore, after she died guren back to not be manipulate and he not even care if she was death he just care for his friends and what he did to the world even that wasn't his fault but mahiru, because he was forced for her to do it.

What guren always loved the most was his dad, his family in aichi and his friends and he let that clear more than once. He let clear that bcs he slept with her that doesn't mean they are something else and have to take responsibility for that. Guren in all the novel show the opposite to be in love and wanted to be with her bcs he let that clear, even he rejected the offer from kureto to be with her. He loved mahiru as a childhood friend and want to saved her from darkness that is how guren see her after he woke up and was able to see that she wasn't what he thought she was. That she was nothing but a monster. So he had to learn all that by forced.

Every time guren talk to her, he feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and negative

She creates on him psychological weakness by undermining his's confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth

When guren involve with her, he is lead by fear, as a victim of emotional abuse often is, it cuts him off from the full experience of who he is. In other words, it diminishes his self-esteem and makes him doubt of himself, and then he give over his power.

She always twist his thoughts, actions, wants and desires into something that better suits how she sees the world and she mold him into someone that serves her own purposes.

She also tries and makes him believe that she's doing a better job of “loving him” so that he'll be more willing to set aside what he wants in order to feel like him “love her just as much.” It's a sick mind game.

When a person as guren, is being manipulated there is no room for love because it has been replaced with chaos. Wherever there is consistent confusion there can be no resolution, and therefore no love. This is the love guren feel toward her

She wasn't interested in loving him, she was interested in he loving her and conforming to her needs; then convincing him that this is love. She forced him and pushed guren to lover her. 

Guren isn't confident enough to leave her, bcs to him she is a victim and an innocent one, so she thrive on keeping him down, bcs she constantly tries to isolate him by telling him that his friends and family are bad influences that doesn't let him to be strong so she threatened him to killed them so he can't leave and find something better. 

The Unhealthy love here is a crap-shoot. The pace is fast, quickly dominating guren by moving him into the role of the subservient. 

In reality, his emotional health, happiness, and self-worth was all going swiftly down the pan as a result of being with her in all the novel as child, teenager and even having 24.

Guren feel so guilty every time he is with her, that he start to feel constantly like he did something wrong. But that is the formula. The formula of emotional abuse is that he feel like he did something wrong. He feel like he is the problem. He feel like he's at fault, like he could do better.

Every time guren interact with her she always degrade his body. Tell him weak, too slow. He doesn't run fast enough to came and save her. That he is not strong enough. She make fun of his ability and power, call him names just to make fun of him. Making fun of his achievements, hopes and dreams

He feel depressed, anxious, unlovable, full of dread, feeling on edge all the time, or feeling like he is "crazy" and doubting what he knows. 

He increased mental stress just to be around her

How she knows his weak spots, she use them to wound him. She makes comments and take actions that are meant to leave him feeling vulnerable and upset.

He feels constantly anxiety.

His self-confidence is compromised, which lead him to feelings of helplessness, shame, despair, as well as resentment, guilt, and disgust and even decline in self-care. 

What's most damaging is that it takes away his ability to trust in himself and when that happens, he start to feeling crazy.

Guren question his own sanity and reality in the end of vol 7 to the point to not act like himself anymore he believed and internalize the lies she feed him. And, in turn, that affected how he view himself and his worth. He developed a huge mental disorder.

Guren cannot even heal his wounds or grow up as an individual by himself, when he has been abused by her for 19 years, which has done nothing but damage his mind, his body, his life and that of his family and a lot of people in general. 

What i see in guren:

°A teenager and a man who care so much but he doesn't know how to express it with words with the people he loved the most.

°I always see him get hurt and tries to hide it, even so he can't shared so much how he is in pain for being abuse.

°I see people around him that doesn't understand him at all, only shinya is the most understanding with him. 

°He always is fighting againts his traumas, his failures, his worse nightmares, his worse mistake, his past and present and how he never give up even if that hurts he always tries his best to stand up. 

°I see him trying to achives things of his own terms but being pressure to go against his ideals and beliefs just to try to protect his family and save the world, he always tries to do the best he can, but is not enough, even so he tries. 

° He was feeling guilty and remorse for so many years and seeking redemption, even so he think he doesn't deserve it, he think all is his fault, he is able to let others kill him for his acts and feel guilt, pain, remorse and he cries for that.

° He always tries to make amends, he knows and accepts he was wrong or made a huge mistake and how he regretted it but also how much he works hard to protect people he loved and people that need help. 

° He still stick to his own ideas, he still has ideals, beliefs, and he would like to try others ways, even so he can't because his body and mind are being forced and abused to make other people agenda.

° He always is trying and trying for loved, family, friendship, companion and people who could need his help. 

It is horrible to think that a single person can take your desires, your wishes, your beliefs, your ideals, your life and break it into a thousand pieces simply because there is no one more important than yourself, something that to guren and many others happened simply to get involved with a completely destructive and abusive person. 

Unspeakable things happen to everyone, that does not mean that you can do whatever you want with others. Protection and love does not mean you should sticking around and screw with their life.

Guren is someone that is suffering all this and still is the same guren. He is strong and intelligent on his own right, the only thing in life that made guren being weak was meeting her and was his worse mistake and he repeat it more than once. And what always make guren strong was love and protect his family. Is what always make guren keep his sanity until now. Abuse don't do anything good to him. 

Healthy love is what guren has with his family, always was fun, easy, joyful, open, relaxed, active and quiet. Each one of them, knows it is up to them what type of emotion, attitude and effort they bring into the dynamic with guren. In those healthy dynamics, consciously, guren, choose to focus on the positive qualities of the people he really love. When guren consciously focus on what he love about the others it makes loving them easier, and it makes it easier for all of them to love him. That is healthy to him, it always was.

@dulciasouls1 @ijustwannasomesleep @lottenoir to you girls that always help me. Hope you like it!

[whats-a-jarjar]

ACOTAR SHIPS

okay i don’t know if anyone will see this... probably not but i wanted to get it out and state my thoughts. these are just my opinions so please don’t be mad if you disagree with me! obviously we don’t know everything so most of it is up in the air clearly. but here we go...

⚠️Acosf spoilers obviously 🤪⚠️

OK obviously this is about Elain Gwyn and lucien and azriel and you know that whole discussion.

so let’s start with Elain. OK I liked Elain a lot in the first couple books and I actually did like Elriel. I shipped them pretty hard. but after reading a court of silver flames and the Azriel POV bonus chapter my thoughts have changed.

I don’t think Elain and Azriel are meant to be together anymore. I just don’t think they love each other.  I think they like each other and are infatuated with each other but most of all I think they like what the other one represents. 

for Azriel I think he struggles a lot with his self acceptance and belonging. like in the Azriel chapter I think that became clear when he was talking about how he was jealous of Cassian and rhys. all his life he’s been an outsider, with his brothers and his family and with the people of the night court like the citizens, and even in the inner circle. I don’t think the inner circle sees him as an outsider nor do the readers but I think honestly Azriel sees himself as an outsider even with the inner circle. as well as the fact that he’s never really accepted himself and accepted the things he’s been through over the past 500 years. he still struggles with who he is, what his shadows mean, and with love especially. I think for him to see his brothers end up with two of the archeron sisters, he already feels like an outsider and that made him feel even more so. I think he is hopeful that Elain could be his mate or that the cauldron was wrong because he desperately wants to feel that love and feel that belonging plus it doesn’t help that now Cassian and rhys are like actual brothers by law. for Azriel I think Elain represents that belonging and how they can all be one big happy family(in his mind bc to us they already are). and that’s what he so desperately wants and loves. Because in the Azriel chapter when he was talking about Elain or thinking about her he didn’t really seem to talk about her personally or her personality but rather sexual attraction and then what she represents (to Rhys). and along with the conversation with rhys I don’t think azriel believes he has a claim on elain or that he deserves her I just think he really wants to fit in. and although Azriel was looking at her gift of like the powder every night before bed Which don’t get me wrong is pretty cute I still think he’s doing that out of his need for love and belonging rather than love for Elain. 

now Elain. OK for her I’m not sure if she likes Azriel. I think she does but I don’t know if she loves him either. I think she also likes what he represents. For her Azriel is her own choice and her rebellion. Since going into the cauldron she’s lost all of that: her humanity her choice her control. I think she wants to be with Azriel because she can control it. I mean I think she is sexually attracted to azriel as he is to her but I don’t think there’s any love.

as for Elain and Lucien because it ties in as well, whether they end up together or not I think they could be good for each other. i saw this in another post but I think Elain connects lucien to her trauma with the cauldron. Especially with her lack of choice and control because the cauldron took away her humanity, it took away her life, her friends, all that she had in the human world and then right when she came out Lucien was like im your mate which  immediately took away her choice in relationships and her control with love. I want Elain to give Lucien a chance whether that’s romantically or just getting to know him because I think that could help her with her trauma and you know if she wants to reject mating bond for whatever reason I hope that she at least tries to get to know Lucien. but I also think elain‘s being a little cold to Lucien because he was just thrown in it the same way she was. He thought he found his mate already in jesminda and then Elain shows up and is his mate and he’s almost as opposed to the idea as she is. I just want her to give him a chance because I think he could help her overcome her trauma and he can be open to love again since i think he’s fearful of it negates of jesminda. I just think the pairing could be cool for both of them.🤷🏼‍♀️

okay here’s why i don’t think elriel are a good pairing (aside from love). OK Elain represents flowers light bright colors life. Azriel represents shadows dark colors the night death. they’re opposites. And while i’m all here for a forbidden love opposites attract story, I just don’t think it works with them. for instance azriels shadows disappear around Elain. While I thought that was cute at first and I was like “aww she’s the light in his life“ looking back now i think they shouldn’t disappear around his “person”. azriels shadows are a part of him and although obviously he didn’t want to go through what he went through and no one should have to, they still remain an extension of who he is. if he were to end up with elain he’d have to change who he is. he wouldn’t be able to be the spy master or the shadow singer or the introvert with the dark past which we all know and love as Azriel. I don’t think elain can be with that type of person either. Despite hearing about her getting her hands dirty referring to gardening I don’t think she can be with someone like Azriel who is a torturer and could be seen as merciless. (which is one of my favorite things about him which is slightly concerning for me but anyways...) Azriel would just have to change who he is to be with elain for his sake and for hers... which is really toxic so… as well it was mentioned by Cassian and Nesta that Elain looks terrible in black. Well they said she looked pretty but that it just didn’t suit her and like was pulling the life out of her. And nesta mentioned she’d be happy in the spring court as she likes gardening, she thrives on light and life. so I don’t think the night court is for her as well as azriel isn’t for her as he represents the dark and literally black and the night court. 

now i think it would be cool if she did end up with lucien and he either became the high Lord of the Springcourt or the day court (which I’m still really pissed that we’ve been through a whole other book without anyone telling Lucien helion is his father like hello he’s an important character... rude). it would just allow her to thrive as,in my option, we haven’t really seen her do so far. [Plus I think a possibility of an evil elain would be so cool. I don’t think she would actually go against her family with evil intentions, but if she made a bargain of some sort and ended up being an antagonist but not a villain I wouldn’t hate it. At the moment she’s a little boring, but then again we don’t really know her personality so I’m open to an awesome character arc]

OK now it’s Gwynriel time!! OK not to start any fights, but I’m not gonna lie, the few interactions we’ve had between Gwyn and Azriel has started a whole feud because it has so much more chemistry compared to the few Azriel and elain moments we’ve had over almost four whole books. but gwynriel. ok no matter who you ship, I think we can all agree that we love gwyn and gwyn is a great character.  Plus I think she’s perfect for az. now I know a lot of people don’t like the proof about azriels shadows, but I actually think that’s really important. like I mentioned earlier, azriels shadows are a part of who he is and extension of him.  now clearly they like Gwyn, they are the president of the Gwynriel fan club, and they ship them hard.  they interact a lot with her a lot. Now I think because of this Gwyn and however azriel will cope in his book will allow him to embrace his shadows and except himself. this is really important to his character in my opinion. I think, and I’m not sure how to be honest, but his shadows liking Gwyn and Gwyn seeking comfort in the dark ( which probably means she likes his shadows) will allow Azriel to see his shadows and his scars and his past as not some thing that will bring him down but rather something almost to be proud of since he went through so much. I think once Azriel learns to accept himself and all parts of him, he will better be able to see that his family accepts him, because no one is really able to see that they’re accepted unless they accept themselves. and I think he would finally feel that he belongs somewhere which is such a good story to me and I don’t know if that’s just because I personally connect or I just want Azriel to be happy with himself and his life and whoever is in it but I think that sounds awesome☺️

so there’s a lot of possibilities about what will happen in the next book which we still don’t even know who’s point of view it is because apparently it’s so “obvious” but actually sarah it’s not so please tell us!! I do think in Elains book her trial, whatever that may be, is going to happen at the prison because feyres happened under the mountain and nestas happened on ramiel and there’s an extra mountain and an extra sister so I feel like that could definitely be a thing that happens but who knows?? I don’t know but these are just my thoughts and I missing points obviously I’m not perfect spoiler alert, but yeah. 

if anyone has any opinions let me know!! I love discussing things especially books!

okay thanks for coming to my TED talk 🙂

[frauleinfunf]

My dumb headcanons about Mrs. Levin and her side of the family

Bc I cannot stop myself and love thinking way too much about Kevin's family tree bc that's how I express my love for characters

-Deborah Rifka Rozowski was born in 1969 at Kings County Hospital

-She has an older sister named Nancy, whom she's thick as thieves with

-Their father was a very physically abusive parent and their mother had untreated postpartum depression that led to her attempting suicide several times during their childhoods

-Their father had threatened to put her in an institution more than once in front of them

-In addition to a rough home life, she grew up in Brooklyn during the Son of Sam killings, the 1977 blackout, and later the crack epidemic. So it's safe to say she survived by being tough and street smart.

-Deb also had a deep of love of books and writing. It started as a form of escapism, but also became an outlet for her to express her feelings in ways that weren't picking fights

-At 16, Deb's father kicked her out. Nancy immediately put her up at her apartment with her husband Ira, but Deb ended up leaving in the middle of the night. Nancy was already heavily pregnant and Deb didn't want to feel like a burden, but also just wanted to leave Brooklyn and New York and get as far away from her current life as much as possible. Of course being a teenager, she assumed this meant she had to cut ties with her mother and sister.

-Deb wandered for the next few years, hitchhiking her way across the country and making money through odd jobs, mostly pick pocketing and mugging people though.

-At 19, she was in a city just outside of LA called Bellwood, where she ended up trying to mug Devin Levin

-Devin Levin was a hard simper and ended up asking her out after disarming her.

-Devin helped her find a job and an apartment, and soon they start a relationship, marking the first time Deb had ever felt like her life was stable and happy.

-Devin eventually convinced Deb to reach out to her sister, who still had her old phone number (Deb was not expecting that when she agreed to give her a call). After yelling at her for having Nancy worried sick for years, she broke down crying so happy to know Deb was alive and well.

-Nancy did have to be the one to tell Deb that their mother died from suicide a year after she left.

-Deb, while still obviously upset, had kind of assumed that happened in the intervening years.

-Nancy stopped speaking to their father after their mom died, and Deb sure wasn't eager to start talking to him again. So at this point their family was just them and Nancy's husband and kids.

-Deb became a mom at 23 and married Devin at a courthouse while she was pregnant. Their honeymoon was a weekend getaway to Santa Barbara.

-Nancy flew out to California with her husband and now three kids in tow to stand witness for the wedding, and she flew back alone a few months later to meet her nephew and help Deb settle into being a new mom.

-Kevin was 2 when Devin died and Deb just kind of spiraled from there, starting to drink while she sat shiva for him.

-Deb moved back to New York to be closer to her sister again. Nancy and her family were living Yonkers at that point so that's were Deb found a place for her and Kevin.

-In addition to her grief and addiction, Deb's life was not made easier by the fact that she found herself having to work two jobs to keep a roof over their heads and having to leave Kevin with Nancy for most of the day.

-She showed up to her waitress job drunk and her boss scrambled to find someone to take take her home. A trucker named Harvey Hackett who was at the diner for a union meeting volunteered.

-Harvey came by the next day to check on her, and that's how their relationship started.

-Harvey signed her up for AA meetings and, once Deb was sober enough, started teaching her how to drive a truck.

-Deb may not have loved Harvey in the way she loved Devin, she never could've loved anyone like that again. But he was a good man who wanted to take care of her and Kevin, and at that point that was all she wanted.

-They got married when Kevin was 4 and as we know that ended up being the worst decision of Deb's life.

-Meanwhile, things in Kevin's life weren't all that great, even before Harvey started to fear him.

-Nancy's kids (Amanda, who was 7 years older than Kevin, Mikey who was 5 years older, and Josh who was 2 years older) did not adjust well to an aunt they only met once and her kid all of a sudden coming back into their lives, and in addition to that their mom was now practically raising their cousin alongside them.

-It certainly didn't help that Nancy almost immediately started including Kevin whenever she called her kids her munchkins, and even called him Kevala the way she called them Amala, Mikala, and Joshala.

-So already they were inclined to ostracize Kevin, and that only got worse once his powers started developing and regularly short circuiting their electronics.

-Things came to a head when Kevin one day followed them to their treehouse and Amanda pretended she was going to push him out, scaring him enough that he unintentionally shocked her and left a third degree burn.

-Nancy and Deb, after a long talk with a lot yelling and crying and cheesecake, decided it would be safest for Kevin if Deb found other babysitters, which she could now afford with her and Harvey being unionized truckers.

-Nancy was absolutely heartbroken about this and cried on her last day watching him. Amanda, still mad about her burn, convinced Kevin that Nancy was crying because she thought Kevin was a freak just as much as the kids did.

-Until he ran away, Kevin ended up having a long, long list of babysitters who were all scared off by his powers at one point or another.

-Eventually Harvey and Deb started working their schedules so that at least one would be home all the time, meaning they started to see each other much less.

-While Deb and Nancy understood that Kevin's power outbursts were something he couldn't control and completely tied to his emotional state, Harvey did not.

-It didn't help that Harvey and Deb had very different parenting styles in general, with Harvey believing Deb was too permissive and Deb believing Harvey's approach was "totalitarian dogshit"

-So whenever Deb was home Kevin, while still struggling, was a lot more happy and behaved than when Harvey was the one who was home.

-A lot of Kevin's acting out was him being a kid who's stepfather feared him and him obviously not having the tools to deal with that since he was like 7.

-The rare time Deb and Harvey had together was often spent fighting about parenting, and Kevin just came to hate Harvey's presence in general, especially with Amanda's words still in the back of his head after all these years.

-On that fateful day when Kevin accidentally destroyed the house, Harvey just completely lost it.

-He said Kevin's mother suffered so much because of him, because of the pressure of having a freak son.

-This, combined with his experience with Amanda, is what convinced Kevin that his mother was going to reject him.

-After Kevin ran away, Deb and Nancy's family searched everywhere for him. Now faced with the prospect of never seeing him again, the now teenaged Amanda, Mikey, and Josh were certainly feeling a lot of guilt for how they treated him as kids and how much they tried to ignore what they did as they got older.

-Harvey and Deb's divorce was very messy, to put it mildely

-Harvey, a smart man, moved to the other side of the country just to avoid Nancy and Ira, whom he now feared even more than Deb. With Deb, he had hurt her baby. With Nancy, he had hurt her baby AND her baby sister.

-Once Kevin reunited with Deb, he reunited with Nancy. He still has no contact with his cousins though.

-Why Harvey was chosen to be the one to talk Ultimate Kevin down instead of Deb or Nancy is a mystery only God knows.

[dahlwatchesmiraculous]

Why I think adrienette shouldn’t happen until season 5

Note: this analysis doesn’t take season 4 into account, since I haven’t seen any new episodes yet lol

Anyway this is mostly inspired by my frustration with the idea of a reveal happening before adrien and marinette get together.

TLDR: I think marinette and adrien need to become closer friends before pursuing anything romantic, while also giving themselves time to emotionally mature

Finding out their secret identities will have consequences for both marinette and adrien obviously, but especially if they haven’t had a chance to grow as individuals. These consequences would definitely worsen if the reveal is out of their control (like one of them, or someone else completely, finds out by accident, or they’re forced to reveal themselves during some dangerous event)

Ive always been against reveal theories that didn’t include ladybug and chat noir prepared and intentionally willing to reveal their identities. I hate the idea of them having to show their true selves when they’re not ready for it, and it’s only out of necessity or desperation. It’s there secret to share, especially when it comes to chat noir. Adrien doesn’t have any control in his life. Being chat noir is his only chance at experiencing freedom, it’s more than just a secret to him I feel. It’s a very intimate and significant part of his life. It’s the only thing he actually has control over. So if we have marinette, or someone else secretly finding out about his identity, then we’re taking away the only control he has in his life, and it’s really not fair to do that to him.

But let’s say the reveal is a consensual and conscientious decision. I still don��t think it should happen any time soon, because our main characters have a lot of development they need to go through before being able to handle the truth of the superhero identities.

By the end of season 3, Marinette still has a pretty one dimensional understanding of who Adrien is. Sure they may have had a few key moments in their friendship, but I dont think that’s enough for her to see his “chat noir” side. She still thinks of him as this “dreamy perfect boy” but he’s a lot more than that, she’s just never able to see it bc her feelings get in her way and makes her way shy. Of course she’s interacted with Adrien as chat noir and knows what his personality is like, but I really do think she needs to be able to associate that personality with Adrien too, not just chat noir. Because in that case, they might as well be two different people, yknow?? If they get together as soon as a reveal happens, it’ll feel so forced bc neither of them will have really gotten the chance to process the person they’re actually in love with. I think it’d be easier for Adrien to process it, because he’s compared marinette to ladybug, and he’s already aware of the kind of person marinette is deep down (some may even argue that he’s definitely in love with her already but is fighting those feelings for her) But marinette doesn’t really know who Adrien is, and I don’t think revealing their identities would acknowledge that?? She needs to have real deep connections with Adrien so she can understand why she loves him!! Bc right now her crush is p surface level

That’s why I didn’t actually mind lukanette all that much?? I mean, personally I just want them to be close friends, that way it doesn’t seem like he’s just being tossed aside when adrienette becomes canon. But luka could at least help her become more confident and to learn how to embrace herself?? The only way she’ll be able to learn the true sides of Adrien is if she’s able to talk to him without freaking out, and he’ll be more willing to talk to her and show himself once he sees that she’s comfortable around him??? Then the real work towards their relationship can happen bc once she sees adriens true personality, and the big reveal happens, she can understand why she does have feelings for Adrien/chat noir

A strong friendship is also really important for Adrien’s development as well. Right now, he uses chat noir as his escape. He feels like he can’t be himself around people because of his father’s cruel parenting, which has led him to feel that if he shows any true part of himself he won’t be accepted by the people he cares about. If there’s some sort of public reveal (like during a battle or something) then Adrien will have to deal with the fact that people don’t see the real him, causing him to feel like he’s lost those connections bc they don’t really know him. Right now he doesn’t feel like he can be himself and a public reveal would just make that worse. He needs to learn that he doesn’t have to hide his true qualities for people to like him. And how does he learn this?? THROUGH MARINETTE and specifically through a closer friendship. We already know adrien thinks very highly of marinette, but why?? Because she’s never afraid to be her true self (except when it comes to her feelings for him, but he doesn’t even notice that so we can disregard that). Marinette wears her heart on her sleeve, she’s always willing to fight for what she believes in. If they’re closer friends, she can help him realize that being himself is okay. Failing to accept both sides of him can have v serious impacts on his sense of identity, especially if it ends up being a public reveal. He won’t know who to be or how to act, he’ll be afraid that anything he does will be perceived as wrong. But if their friendship comes before any sort of reveal, he can shape his identity to be the way he wants it to be without the fear of being rejected

I feel like I just kept repeating the same thing over and over in different ways. But to summarize: adrienette can’t happen suddenly, especially not immediately after they reveal their identities. They individually need to work on themselves (Adrien becoming comfortable showing his true personality, and marinette learning to be more confident) and work on their friendship before they get together, that way when the reveal does happen they can understand who the other person really is and why they love them, especially to avoid an “insta-love” situation. If they don’t have a better established relationship, then they’re essentially falling in love with the idea of each other and not their actual true selves.

[catrasredemption-moved]

Sorry for the offense my ask caused however I dont necessarily understand why you don't want to write Catra as she cannonically was for 90% of the series? It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

*sigh* Okay, you want to do this? Let’s go.

For reference, this is the ask in question.

I dont necessarily understand why you don't want to write Catra as she cannonically was for 90% of the series?

You’re right. That is how Catra was for a lot of the series. I’ve never shied away from that fact or tried to defend it. Catra was an unhealthy, toxic, terrible person. But to simply leave it at that is a surface reading which doesn’t take several things into account:

Environment: Catra grew up in a place where literally everyone hated her. Shadow Weaver and Hordak both threatened to kill her on multiple occasions, and Hordak tried twice to do so. As early as the third episode of season one, Lonnie makes it clear that the only thing that ever protected Catra in the Horde was Adora, meaning it was basically open season on her once Adora left. If she hadn’t been given the Force Captain badge to hide behind, things probably would have been a lot worse.

Opportunities: Catra was given almost no chances to really change aside from Adora insisting that she up and abandon the only life she knows (as terrible as that life is at least it’s the devil she knows). And every time she shows weakness, life comes back to kick her. Shadow Weaver gives a minute bit of kindness? Catra gives her what she wants, and Shadow Weaver uses it to escape and abandon Catra to whatever punishment Hordak will give her. Catra opens up to Scorpia? Hordak’s demon imp reports it back to Hordak. Catra is happy in the Crimson Waste? She finds out that Shadow Weaver abandoned her to go to Adora. Catra slowly hardens herself over the course of season 1-4 because she simply can’t afford not to do so. Being even slightly soft has, over and over, proven to be her downfall.

Mental Health: Catra pretty obviously has problems that aren’t addressed because the Horde doesn’t gaf about mental illness. *C-PTSD - She was consistently abused and threatened by the person who was supposed to be her parental figure. That messes you up *Depression - I mean... yeah. That one is just kind of obvious *Borderline Personality Disorder - This is a very strong headcanon of mine (and a lot of the fandoms). BPD is a bitch of a mental illness. What are some of the symptoms? I’m glad you asked: An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection || A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel || Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all (source). Any of that sound disturbingly familiar?

Catra’s Own Desires: As Double Trouble so eloquently put it “You try so hard to play the 'Big Bad Villain’ but your heart has never been it has it?” (Double Trouble, Destiny Part 2, 4x13). All Catra’s ever really wanted was acknowledgment that she’s worth something, to feel cared about, and Adora. That’s it. This post sums things up pretty well, imo - when asked what she wants, her focus is pulled to Adora. All of her dreams included Adora. It’s said right in the first episode: “We’re gonna see the world and conquer it.” (Catra, The Sword Part 1, 1x01). She tries to carry through with that plan on her own when Adora leaves, and we see how well that goes for her.

Catra Makes A Concentrated Effort To Change: Catra at the end of season four/beginning of season five is not the same Catra we’ve seen throughout the rest of the series. She’s down. She’s defeated. She’s seeking comfort in Glimmer’s company. And when push comes to shove, she does something she’s never done before - puts someone else’s life above her own survival. Her own life is officially forfeit. She knows what’ll happen to her when Glimmer is gone, and she doesn’t care. And she’s convinced no one else cares either. “There’s no one left in the entire universe who cares about me.” (Catra, Corridors, 5x03). She’s ready to die, but she wants to make amends with one person before she goes - Adora. She needs to apologize to Adora before she dies so maybe Adora will have a better memory of her than just the angry, bitter villain she became. And when she actually survives, she tries really hard to fall back on that angry persona, because she’s afraid of getting hurt again. But Adora almost immediately takes that down. “What do you care?! I know you all hate me!” “I never hated you!” *pause* “Then you’re even dumber than I thought.” (Catra, Adora, Taking Control, 5x06). Catra isn’t trying to be cruel or insult Adora there. Okay, maybe she's being a little insulting, but most of the hate is directed at herself. She doesn’t understand why Adora doesn’t hate her. Why Adora even bothered to go back for her. In her mind, there’s no way Adora can still care about her after everything that’s happened. She can’t let herself believe it, because she knows she’s just going to get hurt in the end (see earlier point about BPD). And when she realizes she’s actually going to live, and maybe she has another chance to set things right? She changes. She makes a very concentrated effort to be a better a person. *“I’m sorry. I got angry. It’s something I’m working on.” (Catra, Shot In The Dark, 5x08) *“I’m trying to be a better friend, that has to count for something.” (Catra, Return to the Fright Zone, 5x10) *“No. I’m not leaving. Whatever happens, I’m staying!” (Catra, The Heart Part 2, 5x13) We see Catra acknowledging and trying to work on her anger issues, making an effort to be a better friend, and refusing, for the first time, to run away when things start getting hard, even if it means watching Adora die. She also: *Makes amends with Perfuma after their earlier fight in Return to the Fright Zone, and doesn’t argue with Perfuma when she implies Catra has feelings for Adora (which is a huge thing for her to do with someone she barely knows) *Stands up to Shadow Weaver, her abuser, and then works with her to find and help Adora *Once again puts her own life in danger for the greater good (staying behind to fight the infected security bug, which she knows will kill her (notice how she doesn’t look Adora in the eye when she says she’ll catch up)), in favor of letting Shadow Weaver help Adora to the Heart.

Has Catra fully changed by the end of the series? Of course not, she had to fight an alien invasion, it’s really hard to go through full character development while fighting a war. But she lays the groundwork for herself as early as 4x13, when she steps in to save Glimmer from being killed by Horde Prime. She saves Glimmer in 5x03 with zero expectations that anyone will come back and save her. She saw what Horde Prime did to Hordak and knows that’s probably her future, but she puts the greater good above her own desire to live (which is probably pretty low at that point anyway). And when Adora does come back? She’s angry. Not because of Adora’s hero complex (although that’s pretty frustrating as well), but because she doesn’t see herself as someone worth saving. “We both know I don’t matter” (Catra, Save the Cat, 5x05). She so deeply believes she’s worthless that even Adora coming back for her can’t have been out of any sense of love - it was just Adora wanting to play the hero again. She spends the rest of season five trying to be someone worth that sacrifice. Trying to be someone worth Adora’s love.

It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

Catra as a character is absolutely fascinating to me, mostly for the reasons I listed above - she’s not purely good or evil, she’s hugely impacted by the environment she grew up and the abuse she suffered, and she’s not the typical abuse victim we’re used to seeing in media - the one whose abuse made her kinder. Being abused made Catra bitter and angry. Catra worked to make herself kinder, to make herself a better person. That’s a conscious choice she makes and continues to make.

And the things you asked for? They’re also conscious choices:

she finds it too easy to physically lash out at Adora when stressed and expects her to take it bc "Adora is she-ra and it doesnt really hurt her anyway"

That’s abuse. That’s physical abuse no matter which way you slice it. That’s Catra making a choice to attack Adora using stress as an excuse because “Adora can take it.” Even at her worse, Catra never physically hurt someone outside of the battle - notable exceptions being Adora in 1x02 and Entrapta in 3x04, when she hits both of them with stun batons. And look at her face after each of those moments:

That’s not exactly the face of a brutal abuser. That’s someone who is just in way over her head and has no idea what she’s doing.

(It’s up to you if you want to include her slashing at Emily after her nightmare. Personally, I don’t, because it was a fear reaction and... Emily’s a robot.)

She gets angry, absolutely. She loses her temper and breaks things and threatens (usually by hitting the wall next to someone), but outside of battles, most of her attacks are verbal. Which leads me to my next point:

she keeps trying to manipulate people casually

Catra is absolutely amazing at reading people and making snap decisions on what to say that she thinks would get through to them or hurt them. Notable examples:

-Scorpia - “ And that's exactly why you have to go! How dare they pretend they're better just because you're different! How dare they abandon people just because they don't fit into their perfect little lives!” (Catra, 1x08, Princess Prom) Entrapta - “They left you. They left you, and they’re not coming back. Isn’t that just like Adora? She left me behind, too. Like I was nothing. Adora got her precious Bow and Glimmer back. All these princesses care about is people who are just like them. But you’re not like them, are you?” (Catra, 1x10, The Beacon) Hordak, after he says he needs Entrapta - “ Who do you think let the princesses in?” (Catra, 3x04, Moment of Truth)

Hell, even Horde Prime, in a way - she tells him that he needs her and Glimmer alive to activate the Heart of Etheria. Whether or not he’s actually convinced or if he’s just playing along to get what he wants is questionable, but she still had to think on her feet and used something she had known existed for like ten minutes (the Heart of Etheria).

And again, those are all choices she makes. Her manipulation skills are undeniable, but using them for fun would be falling back on old habits, something, again, she’s trying very hard not to do.

or she strikes a saleanis civilian when confronted

Again, Catra (aside from the two stun baton incidents) does not hit first outside of battle. Not to mention Salineas is probably one of worst regrets (along with the portal). She might tell someone to fuck off, especially if they bother her while she’s working, but hitting a civilian? That’s not even Old Catra. Old Catra would have just stopped and given them a death glare until they got scared and ran away.

It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

Season five Catra is meant to be a Catra who’s trying to heal and be a better person. Season four shows Catra slowly breaking down, all of the things that have made her personality up to this point - her anger, her resentment, the things she thinks she wants - being ripped away and leaving her empty. And when she survives Horde Prime, she can’t return to that persona. She tries in 5x06, and breaks halfway through because she just can’t do it anymore.

Adora confronts her twice, she tries to fall back into her old way of coping with things, and she’s exhausted by the end of it. She can’t maintain that kind of anger anymore. Four seasons and three-ish years later, she’s just... not capable of it.

But none of that means she’s “magically healed.” She still has a temper. She still lashes out and runs away when things get hard. She tries, and she backslides, because that’s what recovery is. Backsliding all the way to pre-Breakdown Catra, though? She can’t do that. Consciously, she knows no one will put up with it. Emotionally, she just can’t. And most importantly, she doesn’t want to. She wants to be a better person, she wants to be someone who deserves love and friendship.

And that is the Catra I enjoy writing. She’s not cutesy or ==^uWu^== - she’s broken. She’s trying to heal. She has sharp edges and trauma and she’s not always going to handle things well. But she’s also trying to learn better coping methods. She’s finally doing what she actually wants (recovering from the past and being a better person), and she deserves better than a fandom that wants her to go to back to being the toxic person she was pre-breakdown.

So I’m sorry if you don’t like my interpretation of Catra, Anon, but to be frank, I’m not too crazy about yours, either, so... I guess we’re done here.

[cyro-starfire]

Cyro in IT? More likely than u think

Sorry for no real art and all of these useless refs skdbsnd

Anyways backstory moment

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGZ FOR THE FOLLOWING: TRANSPHOBIA, HOMOPHOBIA, ABLEISM, N/AGA MENTION, OPHIDIOPHOBIA MENTION, FAMILY DEATH MENTION, MIND CONTROL ATTEMPT MENTION, READ AT OWN RISK!!!

Cyro Starfire is a resident of Derry Maine, they were raised by their parents until the age of 10 when their parents had died in a brutal car accident, having to raise themself and learn everything for themself, they managed to get into the same school all of the losers happened to attend, they were often bullied because of A: how they dressed (Via pastel and feminine clothing despite having "male" features") B: having no parents and no place to call home or C: being autistic. Cy had faced alot of ableism and some hints of trans and homophobia due to how they dressed, having people (especially Bowers) calling them the r slur, t slur, and the f slur. They would often get into fights either from them getting pissy and sassy and back talks the assholes who torment them or hit first out of pure rage. They ended up having their left eye badly scared by Henry as he and his goons attacked them because when he commented them on being an (insert ugly f slur) they replied. "At least before my dad died, he actually fucking treated me like the little princess I am, bitch." They met the losers when running away from some asshole ableists who were throwing shit at them calling them slurs and saying how ugly they were, they got behind Richie and the losers fought back when they saw that Cyro was experiencing the same discrimination they all have faced. Cyro has a pretty tight relationship to the losers, they don't consider the losers as "friends" they consider the losers as family. Cyro confessed to the losers that they were actually genderfluid hence why they had different clothing patterns, instead of reacting like everyone else in Derry, the losers were utterly supportive as fuck with Cyro's identity. Cyro has a severe case of Ophidiophobia (the fear of snakes) so when they face Pennywise for the first time he turns into a giant horrific naga and wraps his tail around them, nearly squeezing the breath out of them, while the twisted clown entity cackled and mocked their fear of a certain snake from a certain movie that happened to made them utterly terrified of the slithering, limbless reptiles. Even mimicking the eye pattern the character from the movie had to lure in the main protagonist of the movie and attempted to pull the same action the villian reptile in the movie did, thankfully Cyro had their eyes closed and kept those peeperz shut. However the horrific illusion stopped when Henry got into the alley, seeing a petrified Cyro sobbing on the floor. Henry was confused and shrugged it off and walked away giggling slightly from how pathetic Cyro looked. In the end of chapter 1 when they joined the losers in beating up Pennywise, the clown quickly shapeshifted his lower body and immediately grabbed Cyro by the right foot and dangled them above his head, while attempting to do the same thing he did earlier with them, unfortunately for the clown, even though Cyro didn't have enough time to closer their eyes and not see the Clown's eye pattern and was momentarily stunned, he was interupted by Richie throwing a rock at the clown's head, breaking eye contact with Cyro giving them time to snap out of their trance and Richie yells to Pennywise. "TAIL TO YOURSELF YOU UGLY FUCK!" which, lucky for Cy, made Pennywise drop them and lunged at Richie. CHAPTER 2 TIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

They stayed with Mike in Derry because they didn't really have anywhere else to go and they wanted to stay with at least one of their childhood friends, they ended up living with Mike, while they grew up and began to get more independent for their fashion decisions, Mike was very supportive. When the losers saw Cyro 27 years later they had the same reaction they did to Ben. (As Richie quoted. "Yeah I mean, your hot") Richie was one of the few to really point out how impressed he was with Cyro's new look, even let themself grow some of a beard. As the losers had to collect tokens from their childhood and encountered their childhood fears in the process, Cyro had to go back into the same alleyway they met Pennywise in, where he turned into that horrific monster, they managed to get a little bracelet they made for someone they had a crush on but rejected them because they were autistic. Unfortunately they encountered Pennywise in that horrific snake from AGAIN, but they felt... different this time, it was still fear but they also felt something else...for IT? No...the clown taunted them as soon as he found out their feelings, and did the same thing he did twice 27 years ago, but because Cyro forgot most of their childhood in Derry, what Pennywise did caught them completely off guard, but when they were on the verge of losing it they remembered and with their last bit of free will they slapped Pennywise across the face so hard it actually sent him flying slightly, as Cyro quickly made themself snap out of it, they made a run for it. As they faced Pennywise for the last time they gave it their all before he once again escaped death...(yes I am rewriting the ending bc Pennywise's death in chapter 2 was kinda pathetic ngl,,)

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Bonus Chapter

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 2.6k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: swearing, mentions of birth control, mentions of sexual acts

here’s a little something to tide you guys over until pt 4 is ready~! (feat. the troublesome 95 liners lol) This chapter takes place right after Jimin and Taehyung were sent to their rooms in pt 3. I’m posting it on tumblr first, and AO3 later tonight ^^ also, this chapter has not been beta read, so it’s a nice surprise and a thank you to all my lovely beta readers as well, hehe~ hope you enjoy!

“This is all your fucking fault!” Jimin seethes, his cheeks still fiery red from being reprimanded.

Taehyung’s surprised and a little miffed at how angry Jimin is. Usually it takes a lot more to get the boy so riled up, but for some reason he’s all in knots from only some mild teasing at dinner.

“My fault?” He growses, his brow creasing as he rubs his sore shoulder from where Jimin pushed him into the table. “How is it my fault that you’re terrible at expressing your feelings?”

“Forget my feelings! What about hers?” Jimin’s face is twisted in barely contained rage as he whips around on the stairs to glare at Taehyung. “Did you even consider how she must feel after all this?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen. Of course he considers your feelings. That’s why he’d suggested that Jimin should tell you how he feels about you. The boy has been denying his crush on you for the last three months. Taehyung was just trying to help.

Okay, help and tease Jimin. Just a little.

Taehyung purses his lips, not about to veer off topic when clearly Jimin needs to explore this area of his heart. “You’re deflecting, Jiminie.”

“I am not fucking deflecting…” Jimin grumbles, trudging up the last few steps before storming off in the direction of his room. He throws a hesitant gaze down the hallway that leads to your room, but he keeps moving.

Taehyung notices and huffs at Jimin’s avoidance of the topic. He’s starting to get annoyed at being blamed for this tantrum, when it’s obviously Jimin’s own fault that he’s so emotionally constipated. “Well, then what the fuck is your problem, huh?”

Jimin is silent.

“You obviously like her, so why don’t you do something about it?”

Jimin wants to list, in great detail, all the reasons why he won’t do something about it. For one, there are boundaries, which you’ve made clear since you started working with them, and he’s already tested them once. The only thing he would hate more than keeping his feelings bottled up is breaking your trust. Secondly, because of your position in the house, there’s a weird… power dynamic. One that he doesn’t want to use to take advantage of you, even unintentionally.

Thirdly, for all he knows, you don’t have any feelings for him at all outside of your business with him, and all those nights you’ve spent acting like a doting girlfriend to him in the bedroom, experimenting and playing with him and giving him unimaginable pleasure… maybe it’s all been just that - an act. The fear of rejection from every possible angle has his confidence hitting rock bottom.

And now, after what you’ve confided in him? He can’t fathom burdening you with anything else, you have enough on your plate. But he knows voicing all this won’t do any good, not when Taehyung’s mind is set on something like it is now.

Taehyung can see that the boy’s neck is red, and he’s clearly embarrassed about something. Or maybe ashamed? He’s hard to read sometimes, like earlier when he walked in on you and Taehyung kissing-

Oh… wait a second.

Is this because Taehyung kissed you first? Before Jimin got a chance?

A goofy grin comes across Taheyung’s face. “Oh, I see what’s going on. You’re jealous, aren’t you?” Jimin’s shoulders visibly tense. That has to be it. Taehyung giggles gleefully and pokes him in the ribs. “She can still like you even though she kissed me, you know.“

“Shut up.” Jimin mutters, clenching his fists in an attempt to squeeze the anger out before it boils over him. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think I know pretty well.” Taehyung continues, confident that he’s found the root of Jimin’s problem and determined to dig deeper in order to remove it. After all, what are friends for if not to be the laxative to one’s emotional constipation? “You just don’t want to admit it, do you?”

Jimin’s pulse is pounding in his ears. One more word out of this boy’s mouth tonight, and he is going to lose it. It was bad enough at dinner when he kept taunting Jimin, threatening to eat you out in front of everyone - “I bet her other lips taste even better…” Now he thinks this is all about being jealous over a stupid kiss? Can’t he understand that there are much more serious issues at play here?

Seeing you break at dinner broke something inside him, too. Something that was long waiting to snap. Now, like a chemical reaction, that break is releasing all of his anger, at the world, at himself, at Taehyung…

“Come on, Jiminie. You’re jealous.” Taehyung thinks maybe a little more teasing is in order. Jimin clearly needs a push to admit what’s bothering him. “What would have happened this afternoon if you hadn’t walked in on us, hm? I wonder…”

Jimin counts to ten, tries to tune out the words. “Taehyung. Stop it.”

“I would’ve kissed her some more, slipped my tongue into her mouth… dragged it down her neck as I laid her out on that bed.” Taehyung’s voice drops lower as he himself begins imagining what could have been. “Doesn’t that make you jealous? I would have showed her such a good time. Would’ve eaten that pussy the way she deserves…”

“Shut up. Stop talking.” Jimin says through clenched teeth, his knuckles turning white as he remembers the crestfallen look of resignation on your face earlier in the day as you explained your… predicament to him. He thinks he can never look at you the same way again, overwhelmed with guilt at what was done to you. In a way, it was done for his own benefit, and he hates himself for it. Hates that he’s been conditioned to take advantage of you.

Tae continues with a chuckle, unaware of Jimin’s internal struggle and thinking he’s making good progress. Once Jimin admits his feelings, then they can start to move forward. “Mm… I’d make her scream for me, Jiminie. Make her toes curl and her cheeks all red… I’d make her cum on my tongue, over and over-”

“She CAN’T!” Jimin’s fist slams into the wall with a loud crack, leaving a dent there. He can’t take it anymore, can’t stand Taehyung unwittingly mocking your problem, it’s too cruel in his eyes, too much sick irony for him to stand, and the truth comes tumbling out before he can stop it. “She… she can’t cum, Tae.”

Jimin breathes heavily, his chest heaving from revealing your secret. He didn’t mean to… it just came out. He leans against the wall for support, his head hung with guilt.

Taehyung blinks. “She… can’t?”

Jimin shakes his head.

“But… she has-”

“They were fake. For us,” Jimin runs a hand through his hair. “For our… fucking pleasure.” He spits out the words bitterly, his lip trembling as he sinks down against the wall.

Taehyung is shocked. You never came with them? Not once?

Well that has got to change.

“She told you this?” Taehyung asks carefully, wanting to get all the facts before deciding anything.

Jimin nods forlornly, drawing his knees up to his chest. “It’s some type of birth control. She said there’s a way to turn it off, but only for emergencies.” His eyes are glassy as he looks up at Taehyung and all of his worries come tumbling out. “I don’t think I can have sex with her again, Tae. Not if she… she can’t…” His voice trails off as tears form in his eyes.

It finally dawns on Taehyung why Jimin had been acting so strangely. Why he wouldn’t fuck you at dinner.

God, he feels like a jerk now.

“Hey…” He kneels down and puts a hand on Jimin’s shoulder, offering the distraught boy some comfort, though he himself is plagued with foreboding at this new revelation, too. “Hey, it’s okay. We can make this right, don’t worry.”

“How? How can this ever be right, Tae? It’s wrong. It’s so wrong.” Jimin tries not to burst into tears, the thought of your body being affected so adversely just so they can dump their loads inside you. It has him feeling sick. “What else is she hiding? What else did they do to her…?” His voice grows quiet, horrified at the unknown possibilities.

Taehyung has somewhat of an idea what else you may be keeping from them. You’d skirted around the harsh facts, sure, but you’d told him enough about your training days for him to know it wasn’t a cake walk.

He remembers one particular evening when you’d let slip about the… exercises you’d had to do. Grueling practice that would allow your body to stretch and bend and choke to do whatever it is that your potential masters could ever want from you.

But sitting here and speculating about what’s already been done won’t help anything. What he and Jimin need is a plan of action. A set of steps to follow, a… a guide.

Holy shit. Could it really be that easy?

“Jimin.” Taehyung gets his attention, and when the boy meets his eyes, he smiles. “What’s the best way to win a game?”

Jimin blinks at him, confused by the change in topic. “Depends on the game.”

Tae laughs. “No, no. To win a game, any game, you need to know the rules like you know the back of your hand.” He stands and helps Jimin up as well, splaying his hand out in front of the other boy’s face as if to demonstrate. “Then, you just need a winning strategy.”

“I don’t understand.” Jimin says, pushing Taehyung’s hand aside with a worried frown.

“Don’t you remember when she first came here? We got a manual, like a user’s guide.” He pats Jimin on the back, and hurries down the hall towards the study.

Jimin tries to keep up with his long strides, confusion still creasing his brow. None of them had touched that manual since they got it. “Yeah, but how will a manual help? Her job is… pretty straightforward.”

Taehyung shakes his head, clasping the door handle and pulling the heavy oak door open. “The instructions for operation are simple, sure. But you know what else you can find in user guides?”

Jimin blows a puff of air, getting tired of Taehyung’s cryptic logic and mixed metaphors. “What, Tae?”

“Troubleshooting.” He grins deviously and heads inside, making his way over to the uppermost drawer of the file cabinet against the wall. “Like perhaps, emergency procedures?”

Namjoon keeps every piece of reference material they might need - from paperwork to take out menus - meticulously organized here in this room, despite the often chaotic state of own living space. Sure enough, the PhysCom manual is filed right where it should be: under ‘P’, and the date of around six months ago.

Taehyung finds a thick stack of papers in the file, containing a copy of the PhysCom contract agreement, transcripts from the members’ personal interviews, and many other goodies that might come in handy. Besides that, there’s the manual itself, a much slimmer read, bound together with a rather wry title, Physical Companions - The Ins and Outs of Your Personal Pleasure Provider.

He snorts a laugh at the ridiculous verbiage, and flips open to the index, skimming his finger along the subjects, seemingly in order of necessity. Nourishment, Hydration, Cleaning and Care, Contraceptives… Bingo.

“Hmm… here we go.” He turns to the correct page and skims the sea of text. “Aha!” His finger points out an italicized passage in the middle of the page, with a helpful diagram beside it.

The Opticon Miracle Implant has been used effectively in 99.97% of PhysComs across the world. The technology is ideal for Physical Companions, but there is still a very slim chance that side effects may occur - please see page 106 for a full list of side effects.

In the unlikely event that your PhysCom reacts poorly to the Opticon Miracle Implant, follow the guide below to shut off the device, and then administer first aid to your PhysCom until paramedics can arrive. To shut off the Opticon Miracle Implant, simply access the Settings in your PhysCom’s ComGear and select ‘Health and Safety’. Next-

A grin slowly spreads across Taehyung’s face as he reads the absurdly simple instructions. “I think we just found our winning strategy.”

“What’s a ComGear?” Jimin asks, looking over the passage as well.

“It’s her phone thingy. The one in her belt.” Taehyung says, proud to remember the answer from when you’d first mentioned it. “We could get in there, no problem, as long as there’s no password for it.”

Jimin still looks unconvinced as he skims over the text. “But we can’t just shut it off. It’s her… birth control. She can’t have sex without it, she could get… you know, pregnant.” He looks slightly uncomfortable at discussing the topic at length.

“Hm. You’re right.” Tae deflates, setting down the manual. Maybe this wasn’t as simple as he’d hoped. “Then how can we-”

“Wait!” Jimin’s eyes light up for a moment. “Condoms?”

Tae wobbles his hand back and forth in the air. “Not foolproof. And she’d probably notice.”

“Damn.” Jimin returns to the drawing board, humming as he tries to think up a solution. What if they turn it off just for a while? Just long enough to make you cum… “Wait, isn’t it her day off soon?”

Taehyung whips out his phone and checks his reminders. Yup. It sure is soon. “The day after tomorrow.”

Jimin’s eyes are full of hope. “Can we do it then? After hours tomorrow she won’t be getting fucked, so… no need for birth control, right?”

“It’s the perfect opportunity.” Taehyung nods enthusiastically, and then chuckles, nudging Jimin teasingly. “What a nice way to spend a day off, huh? Getting head from Park Jimin? It’s every girl’s dream.”

Jimin’s cheeks flush. “Wait, what? M-me?”

“Yes, you! Don’t you see?” Tae hooks his arm around Jimin’s shoulder conspiratorially. “This is the perfect chance for you to confess to her.”

Jimin looks down at the decorative carpet. “I don’t know…”

Taehyung pokes his cheek. “Hey. Imagine being the first guy to make her cum in who knows how long.” He gives him an easy smile, as if this was all said and done already. “There’s no way she won’t feel something for you after that.”

Jimin chews it over. It seems… a little sneaky. Like he would be pushing feelings into you, with his tongue. But… he doesn’t have a lot of other options right now, and god damn it, he wants you to cum if it’s the last thing he does.

“Okay,” He looks to Taehyung with determination sparkling in his eyes. “I’m in.”

Taehyung claps him on the back, giving a cheer of victory. “There’s my fearless Jiminie!” He crows, rubbing a noogie to the Jimin’s head, much to Jimin’s protest.

Jimin chuckles and pushes Tae’s arm away, shrugging off the younger boy’s excessive affection. “But we’re going to need a distraction to get into the ComGear without her noticing, right?”

Taehyung thinks for a minute, then that devious smile returns. “Leave the distraction to me.” He pets Jimin’s cheek. “You just focus on getting that tongue ready to taste the sweetest nectar it’s ever experienced.”

Jimin is about to argue, but in the end, he doesn’t question him. Taehyung has gotten them this far, hopefully he can pull off this plan, and nothing will go wrong. Hopefully.

“So what do we do now?” Jimin asks, revved up and ready to take action.

Taehyung grins, quickly putting the papers back into the file, but leaving the manual out to take with him. “Now, we get some beauty sleep, like our lovely PhysCom is probably doing.” He shuts the drawer and guides Jimin to the doors. “And tomorrow night, the game begins.”

[an-ordinary-roach]

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻.

repost, don’t reblog

basics !

FULL NAME. Nathanial Montay Costa  Barbor PRONUNCIATION. Bah-Are Bo-or NICKNAME. Bor, Roachie, Pest  GENDER. Transmasc agender HEIGHT. Veries, [ 2′ - 4′ as a roach or small fae, 5′6″ glamored, normal-sized fae, happy buddy bor.  7′1″ Base bor,  8′1″ - 9′1″ Bug boss / Plague goat] AGE.  137 ZODIAC.  Gemini SPOKEN LANGUAGES. Italian, English, latin, spanish( still very new to it and confuses it with latin and italian), Sylvin(for when they’re in Jabberwock’s forest.)

physical characteristics !

HAIR COLOR. grey with a magenta/cyan shine when light hits it EYE COLOR. can turn white when surprised or excited but other than that it’s all black, plague goat got black sclera with white pupils BODY TYPE.  skin in bones in most forms, cockroach bor is pretty plump and well-fed, fae/ glamored/ happybuddy is athletic and lean, but looks a tad underweight ACCENT.  sounds like a new yorker’s accent though that hint of italian seeps in whenever they’re thinking out loud VOICE. Can’t verbally speak it but has an amalgamation Collection ( overlapping with young, old, femme, masc, androgynous)  small roachie and base form, this for  fae and glamored(dossa’s/first part), and plague goat/ bug boss DOMINANT HAND. ambidextrous  POSTURE. slouches in fae, glamored, base form and happybuddy, the rest is usually straight   TATTOOS. sigil of them on all their forms but base (can be seen when their asleep, them not thinking they can’t shapeshift in their base form keep’s it away)

BIRTHMARKS. As a human, they had a foot-shaped birthmark on their foot MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). Proto eyes on all their forms( even happy buddy n glamored fae), face can split vertically in all fourm’s (even base form), can survive without a head(same as base form, they dunno they can do either of the face split or head removal), uses their wings to work their necromancy,  chewed up antennae(on the left I think),  back as a human they had  Heterochromia, the missing eye was hazel but they barely remember even having it since they lost the eye at a young age

childhood !

PLACE OF BIRTH. in or near the hospital’s elevator- HOMETOWN. New york, new york city BIRTH WEIGHT. average  BIRTH HEIGHT. chubby bab FIRST WORDS. ‘Fuck!’  supposed to be fork because they kept seeing their fam use it and they want it~

SIBLINGS. 2 older brothers, 1 younger sister (all deceased ) PARENTS. Mother &  Father (also deceased! ) PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT.  mother and father were good to them, though their mother wanted Nat(pre-human bor) to keep them away from the mob life with the help of afterschool music classes and singing clubs. They oddly enough the only time they had fun in the church is when they're either playing the organ or singing in the choir.  While it took some persuading on Nat’s part to have him even allow them in some missions, though he eased up on his control on what they do once they got into the mortician line of work. They helped their dad get rid of bodies safely and discretely, patched up fellow gang members' wounds, and helped them get some extra money.

adult life !  

OCCUPATION.  Freelance Cadaver removal, on-call doctor, necromancer, jewelry maker, sells potions for Jeze at the Canopy Market, familiar  CURRENT RESIDENCE. has a heck ton of common rest stops!  Usually, in these places, they’re in their mammoth femur bone or matchbox hidy hole CLOSE FRIENDS. Eerie , Jeze,�� Xaallo, Stanley, Burt, Kavi, Bill(another bill!) and a few others I may be forgetting?? ;w; RELATIONSHIP STATUS. single ( depending on the verse) FINANCIAL STATUS. if they can’t steal the money they’re middle class, but if so they’re technically rich?? DRIVER’S LICENSE. nope got wings and portals! CRIMINAL RECORD. petty crimes, theft, shoplifting, murder, arson, robbery, vandalism, restraining arrest, property damage, smuggling, trespassing, money laundry, accomplice to any one of these. (these are during their days in the mob, most of these are unchecked after being a demon, though magic places are a tricky spot too though) VICES. long-lasting grudges, impulsiveness, sometimes don’t learn from their mistakes, can be childish and a bit wishy-washy, sometimes putting their work before others, sometimes. (Only if they’re not friends with a person.) can’t really leave that gang mentality behind.

sex and romance !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. pansextual  ROMANTIC ORIENTATION.  Pan-aroflux? they’re romo positive but it isn’t always on their mind most of the time. PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. submissive  | dominant |  switch   PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. submissive  | dominant  |  switch LIBIDO. mid-high (spring-summer)  mid-low (fall-winter) TURN ONS.  peeps giving them gifts( doesn’t gotta be high end, could be things that the person reminds of them), confidence, peeps who know their way around science, smooches to their antennae or beak/snoot by their crush, peeps who are good with their hands(I’ve noticed the trend with them)     TURN OFFS. rich people, CEOs who think their hotshots, peeps on their grudge list,  there’s probably more to this list but I dunno ;w; LOVE LANGUAGE. gift-giving(It’s a grab bag of actual valuables or random knickknacks they remind them of the person), starts requesting to join in their activities, actively makes things for said person instead of poofing them in, loves to cook for peeps, allows close ones cover their small little eyes, please squish them full access, grooming is a big thing for them either by tongue or offering to paint nails, brush hair, etc RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.  always eager to please( genuinely doesn’t mind the rejection or isn’t doing it out of anxiousness), can and will tease but mostly can’t take what they dish out(so it’s probably why they do it randomly), Does have a habit of dipping away without a word(mostly bc of work or a knoxonk hunt going on) Gets anxious about future commitment stuff may be reaaaally slow with that stuff (mostly bc of what happened to their last relationship as a human). or anxious if the loved one still enjoys being with them, the feeling comes and goes honestly. If sick will want to find a way to help you out first before seeing a doctor (if it’s not too serious. If they die they will revive them). They can be jealous if they don’t like someone and the partner does. will say ‘want me to fuck them up’ in case there’s a person giving their loved one a mild inconvenience. Will have a set form for that particular person, if it’s in a multi relationship it’ll still be a common set form. 

miscellaneous !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. 1. Superbug · King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard 2. Necromancin Dancin - Bear Ghost 3.  Gravedigger's Chant - Zeal & Ardor 4. Voltaire - The Headless Waltz 5.  Mr. Pinstripe Suit -  Big Bad Voodoo Daddy 

HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. Jewelry making, music playing, spelunking, singing, urban exploring, working on their virus / fleshscape, testing on peeps(with their consent), medicine & illness research, collecting wine and variety of things MENTAL ILLNESSES.  not sure if this counts?? but they have ADHD,  if there’s anything else I gotta workshop and do research on! PHYSICAL ILLNESSES. visual snow syndrome( had it as a human but it’s non-visual symptoms carried over into their demon life: tinnius, brain fog, depersonalization(you’ll see them in roach mode aka: act like a common pest roach you’ll find in the kitchen, this usually last for a day if it does come about)  and the very rare occasion of tremors.) LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. right-brained FEARS.  phobia of dolls, rejection, future biz, some failure, being trapped against their will, being ‘fired’ and having their friends/family get the brunt of the punishment, this is specific but the saying ‘money survives all hardships’ SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.  fake it till they make it (it fluctuates but it’s usually in a good place) VULNERABILITIES. iron, holy stuff, red rope/thread to make wards against knoxonks, some mystery substance to limit their power(mun gotta work it out), their kill word, magic nullifying items Stolen from: @idjibivdu​ thank!~ tagging: steal it!~

[horde-princess]

Catradora in “Promise”

This ep has so much going on, I wanted to work through it chronologically and try to peel back the layers of their relationship. What are Catra’s motivations? What drives her to turn on Adora and leave her for dead? This gets kinda intense sorry but I add fun pictures to make up for it :’)

So the first flashback shows us how Catra came to rely on Adora for friendship and protection. After they relive this memory together, Catra instinctively saves Adora’s life, and they joke around a little--the heartwarming memory having briefly resurrected their broken friendship.

But as the episode continues, the cracks in their relationship start to show--cracks so deep they were hidden from both of them until they grew older. Catra casually jokes that Adora never had much faith in her, and when Adora agrees, Catra says she doesn’t blame her. This little exchange says a lot about their dynamic, since Catra always had so much faith in Adora (even when Adora may not have earned it). What I believe they’re talking about here is how Catra didn’t really work hard as a cadet, or do anything that would show her strength of character and thus allow Adora to respect/trust her. Catra was simply never given the opportunity to prove herself in that regard.

Then, Catra asks about Adora’s childhood memories. “It wasn’t all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right?” Considering the awkward way she asks this, you can kind of translate her question to mean “so, exactly how easy was it for you, leaving me behind? Did all the years we spent together really mean so little to you?” 

In the next flashback, they’re older, and we see how Catra is struggling to hold back resentment towards Adora now. They are evenly matched fighters--actually, Catra might be better because she’s craftier than Adora--but somehow it’s always Adora who ends up getting all the praise... and Adora never noticed how unfair it was.

When we met Catra in the first episode, she came off as kind of lazy and rebellious, right? But in this episode it’s revealed that she only took on that persona when she realized she would always be seen as second best to Adora. She chose to protect her pride rather than put effort into something she would never get due credit for--from Adora, Shadow Weaver, or anyone else. 

Basically, she had three options: 1.) fight against Adora and risk their relationship; 2.) work hard, accept her place as second best, and let everyone view her as weak (including the girl whose respect she desperately craved); and 3.) pretend she just didn’t care about her work. The implication of option 3 is that she chose to prioritize her relationship with Adora over her ambitions. But as Catra eventually learns, suppressing who you are is not a reliable coping mechanism.

After this, back in the beacon cave, Catra is attacked by a giant spider robot. She defeats it herself then gets extremely offended when Adora jumps in to try to save her from it. So we’re seeing how Catra’s past memories with Adora are affecting her motivations in the present day. She wants her respect but she’s not getting it. Now she’s back to being angry with Adora, and Adora (as usual) doesn’t understand why.

And then we get to a really pivotal moment. Adora apologizes for leaving, admitting she never wanted to leave Catra--just the Evil Horde. Then she says, “you could come with me, you could join the Rebellion! I know you’re not a bad person, Catra.”

Catra doesn’t respond but her conflicting emotions are written all over her face. Catra is not a bad person. She isn’t doing evil things just for the sake of hurting people or gaining power over people, like Hordak. She wants power to protect herself. Her morality is gray.

Catra was raised in an abusive, evil environment, trained to believe that people only respect you when they fear you. People only love you when they fear you... Except for Adora. Adora’s unconditional love was the foundation on which Catra had built her life. Through all the abuse and misery, it’s what gave her hope that things would be better one day. It’s what she clung to for survival. 

When Adora abandoned her? That foundation of love and friendship crumbled to dust. Catra was forced to fall back on the only other method of self-preservation that she knew: power. Control. With Adora gone, she would do whatever she had to do in order to avoid ever becoming a victim again. 

So at this point we can start piecing together Catra’s motivations... she is being driven on one hand by her childhood trauma (which Adora played a part in), and on the other hand by Adora’s betrayal. Adora is clueless about it all, which I sort of get since Catra never confronted her about anything. I think Adora is only just beginning to understand the extent of the emotional trauma she unintentionally inflicted on Catra, and there’s a lot of growth that needs to happen there before Catra will be willing to extend forgiveness. But I do think reconciliation is possible, and Catra’s reaction here when Adora says she’s not a bad person gives me hope that she can still be redeemed.

Moving on, there’s a flashback where we learn about Shadow Weaver’s abuse, and it sparks an argument where Catra yells at Adora for not protecting her “in any that would put [her] on Shadow Weaver’s bad side.” I won’t go into this since there are other posts analyzing it, but clearly Adora had broken her promise to Catra continually throughout their childhood without really realizing it. Anyway, then Adora asks why Catra won’t just leave with her and join the Rebellion, and Catra reveals it’s because she’s tired of living under Adora’s shadow.

Ok. Imma get deep for a second. So we’ve established that Catra hates feeling like she’s second best to Adora, and that’s what she thinks would happen if she joined her team. Strangely enough, in addition to Catra’s pride and ambition, my theory is that there may be a romantic element to this as well. Catra doesn’t want to be Adora’s sidekick, but... I don’t think her goal is to be better than Adora, either. I think what she wants more than anything is for Adora to see her as an equal. (Not once in the show does Catra say that she wants to be stronger than Adora. instead she says things like “I’m stronger than anyone ever thought” and that she wants Adora to feel weak. That’s a lot different than comparing their strength.)

Remember in the second episode, Catra tells her “it doesn’t matter what they do. The two of us look out for each other. And soon, we’ll be the ones calling the shots.” Catra was dreaming of the day when she and Adora would rule together, side by side. No more fighting for Hordak’s approval, no more relying on her protection. No more golden child vs. reject, but partners. Just the two of them at the top of the world. Maybe then, Catra would finally feel worthy of accepting Adora’s love. But how can they ever be equals, especially now that Adora is an 8 ft tall magical hero?... Well, they can’t be.

At least, not as long as they’re fighting on the same side. 

It’s only on the battlefield where they can be seen as equally powerful, equally respected... by their kingdoms, and, most importantly, by each other. It makes sense in a twisted way. After all, there’s a thin line between love and hate.

So I believe this is part of the reason she refuses to join Adora’s side of the war. Catra thinks she needs to win Adora’s respect in order to balance out their relationship. Even if achieving this goal costs one of their lives. That sounds horrible but, as I wrote earlier, Catra’s faith in love was shattered by Adora’s betrayal, and now Catra is utilizing her abusers’ teachings that people only “love” you if they fear you. 

[whew.........congrats if you’re still reading this lmao we’re nearing the end finally]

The last thing I’ll go over is the “promise” itself. Little Adora says the lines that Catra repeated wayyy back in the 2nd episode: “It doesn’t matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.”

In what is possibly the most SOUL CRUSHING MOMENT IN TV HISTORY.... the girls walk off hand-in-hand, except little Catra turns back to look at her future self. and if I had to guess what was going through her mind it was probably something like, “I wish I could warn you, Catra... she’s going to break her promise. And your heart.”

Wow. This episode is an emotional journey. It shows that it wasn’t just one act of betrayal that turned her into a villain, but it was all the years of Adora unintentionally putting her down, despite promising to protect her. Catra sacrificed so much for their relationship, and in reliving this memory she realizes that she mistakenly placed all the faith she had in a girl who would one day throw it away like it meant nothing. 

So, it’s with this swirling mix of emotions that Catra, for the second time this episode, finds herself with the choice of saving Adora’s life or letting her fall. 

And now that she has had some time to reflect on it... well. What had valuing friendship ever done for Catra in the past?

edit: i’m in love with Adora, I just criticize her a lot in this post bc I was thinking from Catra’s perspective. I think Adora only had the best of intentions, but she was abused herself, and she certainly suffered under the burden of being Catra’s protector. Catra may have wanted her to rebel against Shadow Weaver w/ her when they were kids, but if she had done that then they both would’ve been screwed, and that’s something Catra doesn’t want to accept. Instead she wants to fixate jealously on the way Adora benefited from the special treatment. There is probably some truth to her accusation that Adora loved being the favorite (because, who wouldn’t?)--but that doesn’t change the fact that everything, everything Adora did was to keep Catra safe. Unfortunately, this arrangement still caused an inevitable status disparity, with Adora looking down on Catra and Catra stuck gazing up at her. god this ship is so tragic i love it ajsldjfl

[horrorgay]

Reylo is/has ruined the Sequels

Hot take: TLJ both story level and writer level used reylo to make every single character removed from their initial storyline and undercut any potentially meaningful representation, by pushing them to the far sides of the narrative to make room for a “Rey saves Ben Solo redemption” story. 

It also, in order to make Ben Solo a more #relatable soft boy, played the game of “but maybe Luke thought about killing him”.

A. To begin, here is a list of canonical TFA!Kylo actions:

Ruined Luke’s attempts at teaching children how to use the force

Contributed greatly to the creation of the New Genocidal Order, the First Order.

An Order which, by the way, takes literal babies and brainwashes them into soldiers that will commit their genocide without question. 

Ordered and contributed to the slaughter of an entire village of innocent people.

Tortured two of the three main characters on SCREEN, which caused them to scream in agony and sob because it was a painful torture. 

(Throughout the movie is clearly hostile towards Rey, even when talking about her to his fellow first order members)

Sent the orders to obliterate four (?) ENTIRE planets and oversaw it without even flinching

Tried to blow up Maz’s castle

Purposefully intimidated and stalked Rey through the forest, after which he held her VERY CLEARLY against her will with the force and brought his lightsaber inches away from her face before forcing her to pass out, carrying her away from her new loved ones to torture her on Starkiller Base. 

From there he is shown to be continuously destructive, exhibiting no anger control as he damages the things around him.

He kills Han, who reached out to him. Though he does seem to show regret, he shoves it aside because he wants to continue to grow as a powerful murderer.

In the forest fight, he shows no mercy or kindness to Rey and Finn. He is brutal as he fights them, and intends to kill Finn, seriously harming him in the process. He throws Rey against a tree with potentially lethal force. I wouldn’t say this scene is inherently EVIL as it is just 1v2 combat, but it does further display that they are clearly on OPPOSITE SIDES.

He then offers to teach Rey to use the dark side of the force (not explicitly stated but obviously in the same GENOCIDAL manner he’s been using it with the entire movie).

She slashes his face and leaves him to die, and then SOBS by Finn’s side, ready to die on Starkiller Base.

Rey, throughout the whole movie shows CLEAR disgust, fear, anger and bitterness was towards Kylo as he has been nothing but a monster. (You can SEE them in the gifset linked below.)

B. Here is the thing about The Last Jedi:

If they wanted to make Kylo a “redeemable character”* they should have done at least one of the following things, EVEN THOUGH it absolutley would not undo his actions in TFA

*Its not Rey’s fucking job to turn back time and make a genocidal monster turn back into 10 year old innocent Ben Solo

Build Snoke up as an even worse bad guy, and show how he reached out to Kylo while he stayed with Luke.

What they did in tlj: implied snoke had some reason in his turn to the dark side and then killed him halfway through the movie (after Kylo watched him torture Rey, mind you). This provided NO in movie backstory for Snoke or Kylo‘s turn and does not give the audience even an once of sympathy for Kylo.

No one likes it but reylos, but at least SHOW if Han and Leia had been incredibly neglectful of Kylo. It would be very OOC of Han and Leia though, so they didn’t. It also would not NEARLY be enough reason to excuse his murder lust and genocide. I remind you of the classic “Rey is raised by sand and Unkar Plutt, does not become murderer.” 

What they did in tlj: Basically ignored this entire subject. Sending Kylo to Luke, HIS UNCLE WHO LOVES HIM, is not nearly enough evidence or reason for redemption. Hell, they didn’t even directly address the fact that Kylo murdered Han A WEEK BEFORE THE MOVIE TAKES PLACE.

BARE MINIMUM: Show that he is actively remorseful of his previous actions. 

What they did in tlj: He hesitates shooting the bridge he knows Leia is on. He doesn’t call off the attack though, and it still is destroyed. That’s it. The rest of the movie is Kylo playing kicked puppy in front of Rey (bc of the Luke Incident). After the fight scene on the bridge, where Rey is hopeful (addressed later on) he will reject the first order, he says she could rule as the new first order by his side. When she rejects this, he spends the rest of the movie trying to obliterate the entire resistance (INCLUDING: Leia, Luke and Rey). Like he’s straight up even more wrathful and murderous than he was when the story began.

Conclusion: It doesn’t make sense at all that both inside the story, and out (with Lucas Film) Kylo can/should be redeemed. They didn’t write it into the story NEARLY WELL ENOUGH. And it is also tone deaf, considering the political climate. Imagine if everyone started cheering for Trump the under dog, “will he get his redemption story?”. 

C. AND NOW WE GET TO THE ACTUAL REYLO ASPECT.

In the beginning of the movie roughly a week after the events on Starkiller base, Rey shows clear anger and disgust towards Kylo. This part of the movie makes sense. She hates him for what he’s done. In her words: he’s a monster, and he has to pay for what he’s done. 

Kylo has been nothing but violent, malicious and invasive to both her and the people she loves (Finn, Han, Leia etc.). 

But then, inexplicably she starts calling him Ben Solo. Maybe this would make sense if she felt like he could be redeemed, but five minutes ago and the entire previous movie she thinks the exact opposite. 

Rey calling Kylo “Ben Solo” seems more than anything to be the writers of TLJ pandering the side of the audience that does want to see him redeemed still. Sure, whatever. It’s the beginning of the movie. Anything could happen. 

But as stated before in section B, any potential attempts to portray Kylo being redeemed in the plot are then neglected completely. Leaving us with Rey, who previously hated Kylo with every fiber of her being suddenly treating him like he’s soft and kind-hearted. It becomes OOC drivel, and detrimentally ruins the heart of Rey’s character. (It also fumbles Luke’s character in what apparently is his last movie, but that’s a whole other rant.) 

After the throne room, they go back to their original status of Hero vs Villain. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that the 45 minutes (more?) of the movie made No God Damn Sense, and was a series of severe fumbles in the narrative. 

D. WHY THIS HURTS THE REST OF THE NARRATIVE. 

Recall that in the year before 2015 and the years following up until the Last Jedi, that Lucas Film and Disney presented what was supposed to be the main good guys trio: Finn, Poe and Rey. 

Finn, played by John Boyega, is the Main Male Protagonist and Rey and Finn were mutually portrayed as love interests in TFA. It would seem fitting that he’d continue to be treated in such a manner. Except he CLEARLY wasn’t. For goodness sakes, the main trio STILL is not consciously in the same room as each other until the VERY end of the movie in a few-minute long scene. 

His storyline also has pretty racist issues. Rose was introduced to give a vague purpose to his storyline in TLJ, and even then SHE was OOC from star to finish. Rian Johnson did not take his time to write a meaningful story for the MALE LEAD. 

I love Poe to death, but he and Holdo’s story did not really work. From a purely common sense POV the story should not have gone down the way it did. From a less common sense view, and a more character based one, their storyline caused Poe to be OOC. The heavy handed white feminism looks bad. It made Poe look bad, even if what he did was reasonable. (More in depth explanations here and here.)

The narrative was given to Kylo, and to (OOC) Rey. Which WOULD HAVE BEEN NOT IDEAL BUT TOLERABLE if they’d actually given depth to Kylo’s story. But again the didn’t.

E. WHY LUCAS FILM SUCKS FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN. 

Rian Johnson has been explicitly clear in his tweets and interviews that he wanted to focus on Kylo. He wanted to make him more human and relatable (regardless of whether or not he failed). 

He has been clear that he did not care or take into account what the cast thought of the story he was writing. 

(Ignoring Mark Hamill’s advice on the portrayal of Luke, pushing aside Daisy Ridley’s tears [which let’s be real, it’s fairly evident that she was upset because Finn and Rey had no story nor interactions, and Rey was turned into an OOC plot device].)

He had joked that he would have left Finn out of the story and in a coma. He also unabashedly romanticized Rey and Kylo’s actions, despite that being VERY VERY VERY VERY QUESTIONABLE. 

He teased FinnPoe in promos and events leading up to TLJ, and decided that if Finn and Poe were going to get a long and like each other, he might as well separate them too. 

The Last Jedi leaves any representation deeply flawed, sidelined or non-existent. It is not a movie for the everyone. It is a poorly written movie made for an audience I can’t even pinpoint, but certainty not for anyone who wanted to see themselves in a narrative in a positive way. 

Star Wars has always belonged to everyone. In 2015, the took a step forward to make it belong to everyone. But in 2017, Lucas Film moved backwards and made a movie that belonged to a specific group of people who idolize and romanticize white male violence. Once you pull down the paper thin smoke screen of supposed diversity, you’re left with a bad movie, and poorly assembled narrative about Kylo, at the expense of everyone: the audience, the cast, and the characters.

NOTES:

Feel free to reblog, and repost elsewhere, but please credit me. 

Please, feel free to expand upon what I said here.

I am going to make a gifset that highlights Kylo’s actions and Rey’s response through TLJ and TFA, as well as an additional set with Rey and Finn. I will link them here when I’m done.

DISCLAIMER: IDGAF IF YOU LIKE KYLO. It’s not a crime to like characters. It is a fucking crime to write an official star wars trilogy and center it around the garbage man stink boy at the expense of everyone else.