#giving them their tails back bc its how god intended

[mlemonnnn]

kakavege is so fun i love being basic

i saw this exchange of dialog in a fic and i had to draw it +another drawing for shiggles

[kingdomofpink]

here's the rest of the oc ask meme, I just ended up filling out the rest of it for fun and I figured I wouldn't get anymore asks anyway so I'll just dump it all here. under the cut bc its long

Describe your OC physically- what do they look like? What notable features do they have, or what’s your favorite part of their design?

Neera- Neera's a pale bitch, she wears sunscreen every single day because she HATES getting sunburnt, that shit is SO annoying literally leave her alone. She has never given a shit about her hair but she doesn't cut it because she can't be bothered and it's a waste of money in opinion so she just throws it up and out of the way all the time but like sometimes she uses it as bait, like when bailey's trying to beat her ass for flaking out on payment, he always grabs her hair and that means he's not putting his hands anywhere else. Notable features would be uhhh her ahoge! i kinda use it as an indication of her emotional state in a very minor way? it wasnt intended at first but i started to notice i would draw it a certain way in her more lewd drawings so im making it a thing now As for fav part of her design, i think id say eyes because they're easy to draw and her expression usually remains the same blank/stoic one and its becoming muscle memory and i dont have to struggle with it lmao

Avis- When starting his save I went LARGE BODY immediately bc ive never played with it before and it has been LIFE CHANGING, BRO HE KICKS ASS IN GAME, so uh, he's tall and built, that's canon now, i was gonna do plain black hair but then my brain went "what if purple color theme tho" bc i like to color code my ocs so its like an dark midnight fig/eggplant color with the highlights because i liked it. anyway his eyes are like so black you can only see his pupil from like melee distance which means you are a target now, sorry there's no escaping now, and there's no reason in particular for this color except i like it on male chars a lot, i think its hot Notable features, not to be obvious points at fox tf. and ofc his demon tf, but he hides that because when it comes to ppl who can see his tf's, some of them will just look back and forth between them like, two things on head, two tails what- and he really just went, pick ONE so i wanna say demon tf generally only shows when he's using his demonic abilities or he's too horny to control it fav design-- EARS AND TAIL SORRY TO BE A FREAK BUT i wanna pet him, my fuzzy little bastard and i think he would kill me for it. it was def a struggle trying to figure out how to draw them at first but i think i figured it out, i cannot recall any other ocs i have that have animal ears WHICH IS SAD BC THEY'RE FUN but a lot of my ocs are set in universes where uhh those are impossible so i purposefully hunted for fox tf for him bc i wanted it and i thought it would make him hot

What is their stance on religion? Are they a devout believer, against the idea of gods, or somewhere in between? Do they make their practice or their opinions public, or keep it private?

Neera- Neera is an initiate on a technicality, uhh she has her virginity and she wanted to do the trial of purity to kind of… work on her pain tolerance? so she can hold off longer when she's assaulted (in game reason is to raise willpower) and also she'll take the free money once a month. she's not going to care about her grace increasing or decreasing simply because she's using the temple for her own benefit, but internally she kind of despises it as a system, considering how many times she's gotten molested by a member of the church just by literally going in there (lichen, geting the artifact from the rooms) and she's like "you fucking hypocrites" this is another instance of her NOT giving a shit about being a tattletale and goes to tell jordan and just never goes into the temple unless absolutely necessary

Avis- The temple is a JOKE to Avis, these guys preach about purity and and the innate goodness of humans and hes somewhere in the back, rolling his eyes and gagging (or fucking a cute nun who thought she could take advantage of him and instead gets railed in one of the pews) bro is so cynical and doesn't hide it. They're either snakes just like him or they're naive little bugs he has NO interest in interacting with

How do they act when they’re sick, and does it change depending on who they’re around or how sick they are?

Neera- "I don't get sick." shoves her out of the way Yes she does, see Neera likes to present the image of her having no weaknesses, but she can and does get sick. Not very often simply because she's neurotic about preventitive measures but when she DOES get sick she DISAPPEARS, she will lock herself away and just perservere until she's fine again. She does not want anyone seeing her in a weak state because then they'll take advantage of her ofc, what tf else would they do

Avis- This man… becomes even BITCHIER when he's sick if you can believe it. if he doesn't feel good it is now the problem of EVERYONE in his vicinity, note: he is not any less invulnerable, in fact he now has less of an interest of making a game out of you if you bother him, he will simply destroy you. If high love/relationship with him in general he would want to be taken care of, only in the sense of, "ofc you should take care of me, who else plays with you so well?" He really becomes the worlds most annoying man and somehow his ego is even more present in this state

Neera- Weak to both, she overheats so easily, she will go out of her way to not spend time outdoors when its hotter than 80 F (26C), because she hates sweating. She doesnt like being in the sun either. Cold is one she prefers, like her ideal room temp is low 70s (20C) cause she can just throw on a jacket or snuggle in a blanket. She fucking hates snow however, thinks its a mushy mess and forces her to wear socks when she's sleeping because her hands and feet become ICE cold easily

Avis- He has no preference towards one or the other. His tail provides him warmth is he's somwhere cold for too long, but his clothes are decent enough for that so it's usually just him shoving his hand into the fur if his hands get too cold for his liking. And when it comes to the heat, bro will take any opportunity to do away with his clothes. He's a showoff with a huge ego, and likes when people ogle him.

Share a sentence of dialogue from your OC that you think represents them well.

Neera- I don't think I have actual dialogue written for her in anything specific (yet) So unfortunately this one will have to come in the future

Avis- "I could make things really fun for you if you'd like. All you have to do is agree to be my toy. I promise to treat you well. (lie)"

What does their bed and/or desk look like? Tidy or cluttered - are they both the same, or is one neat and the other messy?

Neera- Organized clutter for both. Her desk is where she keeps almost all of her frequently used materials- books, sewing supplies, letters from her mother, school assignments, etc. The same can be said for her bed. This is her place of comfort and kind of a 'sacred' space to her as she doesn't let people in her room willingly unless she trusts them. Her bed is the ultimate form of that. She has many pillows and comfortable blankets and plush toys she sleeps against at night, (in my head this lowers her trauma hen she sleeps in her bed without interruption) and she okayed the money spent in the knowledge that it brings her continuous comfort.

Avis- Aint a damn thing besides a pillow and blanket on his bed (two pillows as an adult, ooh luxurious) gets in the way of sex, why would he do that unless its a toy, but the toys are much better place on his toy instead. His desk is mostly unused, he's got a little flip calendar on it and a deck of cards he swiped from Wren and then just has a cheap notepad he uses for school related stuff. he doesn't put effort into any of the school projects, he just does them when they interest him or he wants the reward but he won't spend longer than an hour at his desk. He keeps candlesticks on his desk and nightstand for reasons you can probably guess, but a fun initial thought with the one on his nightstand is he will fully just toss a lit candle at the gooners that pay Bailey to molest him in his sleep. It's very amusing to him.

How do they deal with pain (physical or emotional)?

Neera- In encounters, Neera is a manipulative bitch. Max school skills has her pain tolerance high and her apologizing and pleading interactions at max effectiveness and she uses that to her advantage. She's used to pain but she doesn't like it. She's learned to compartmentalize it in the moment to prevent others from taking advantage of her in a weak moment. Physical and emotional she bottles it up and swallows it. It will never get out.

Avis- This bitch is a MASSIVE SADIST, inflicting pain gets him off and he has such high willpower he can still keep kicking your ass mid nut. When that pain is inflicted on him however? He just gets annoyed, pissed off. If he was trying to have fun with it (a noncon encounter where he tried to switch positions with his assaulter? he'd get so bored and just fight them off and go about his day.) But if it was a consensual encounter and this person tries to Dom him and get all uppity? Haha, no. He will make one of two decisions, turn it into a noncon encounter where THEY are the victim and use them until he's bored, or make an example of them and beat them within an inch of their life so they never make such an amateur mistake again. Oh and emotional pain uhh.. as of this moment in time I cannot think of anything that would hurt his feelings. Not a one… (perhaps he has no feelings idk, he simply bastard)

How comfortable are they relying on other people, and what situations would change their comfort level?

Neera- She internalized her childhood before the Orphanage so much that literally nothing has changed her outlook on the world and leaving the youth ward only reinforced it actually. Her trust in others is all but completely withered, even if she cares about people like Robin, or the other orphans, she doesn't trust any of them. In an event where they had to choose to help her or save themselves, she knows they would save themselves and she doesn't blame them for it. So she doesn't "rely" on other people, she makes deals, interactions are transactional and an equal amount of give and take. Which to her, when she 'receives' help, she repays her debt in some way via monetary payment or something they want from her (within reason) and when she 'gives' it's usually like how she is with the orphans, she protects them because she wants to. It makes her feel better, strong, like she's worth something. Other people relying on her feels good, but relying on others is scary because she doesn't see herself as worthy of being cared for.

Avis- Literally why would he ever rely on someone else. He can take care of himself and even take care of others (sexually) when he wants so what's the point. He's not weak and things always go his way so he's never put in a vulnerable position where he needs to consider relying on someone else. His peers are weaker than him and adults are just as bad if not worse than he is so he wouldn't trust them as far as he could throw them. But he would absolutely blackmail them (Leighton) because that's fun.

How does your OC take up space? What do they do with their hands when they talk, or how do they sit in chairs?

Neera- She's so neutral in most scenarios that she gives off npc energy. She sits like, freakishly proper not even on purpose it's just how her body moves, it's giving robot. If she's sitting in any kind of reclined chair that's back even a little bit too far she's sitting in it at like a 90 degree angle uncomfortably, or she will pull the back up so she can sit at a 90 degree angle comfortably. The most natural you will see her is in her room, and if you got in there? Congrats you tamed the feral animal. She curls up into a ball around her cow plush when she sleeps, she looks so small and it's the most 'human' she looks in a frequent occurance. If she's having a conversation with someone her arms/hands like.. don't give at all, but she's one of those people where if you held something out to her she would hold it and continue talking like nothing happened and not acknowledge it unless you brought it up.

Avis- This man is cock and balls out in everything he does, he thinks he's so cool and so important and that everyone loves him or they're wrong. He spreads his legs pussy out to face the world on the subway and does NOT move or give space if an old person or pregnant person gets on the same car as him. If he's having a normal conversation with someone /this has never happened ever/ (ex: Niko or Brooke) he's got his hands in his pockets like he's so chill and cool, probably talking about pervert shit they is so absolutely atrocious and would be censored on any TV airing from 6am to midnight. And with someone he's like playing or flirting with his hands are so active and touchy, touching their hair, their face, leaning against the wall as he gets in close (kabedon). Personal space? No it's our space, actually no it's his space and you're just there too.

What are three moments in their life that impacted your OC the most?

Neera- The day her father died, the day her mother got admitted to the Asylum (and the day she was sent to the Orphanage), The day she left the youth ward and realized she was never going to have a chance at a comfortable life no matter how much she wanted it

Avis- (I wanna say he got his demon tf first so) When he got the full demon tf, his instincts changed and molded even more towards his extremely perverse nature that he has now, being entirely sex brained but now he feels stronger because of it. Meeting Wren; he mostly survived off of stealing semi valuable things to get by, paying off Bailey when he felt like it just to not have that particular annoyance hanging over his head, and when he met Wren, he was able to get into more… high risk high reward situations that awarded his current wealth. For the third one I want to leave it kind of open and ambiguous as a pc interaction like "YOU! Could make a huge impact on this terrible man's life!" Because in all seriousness you can. It's hard, but it's possible. If he didn't have his fox tf, it would be impossible, but because of it, he can be swayed to be in a monogamous relationship (per universe because everyone deserves to fuck this asshole if they so choose to do so) and "guided" to be gentler and more caring towards a pc that has built a relationship with him.

If they can or would drive, what would their car be like? Not gonna go super in depth on these ones bc im not a car person and i dont/cant drive Neera-She'd have something basic like an suv she did like minimal research into of being the like… safest to drive and crash survivability. She wouldn't like a small, lower to the ground car, cause they' just make her feel claustrophobic.

Avis- I'm gonna b e honest with you guys, it would be some kind of convertable or big fancy truck because 1. he likes to show off and and he would have fun parking somewhere semi public and fucking you in it (convertable-top rolled down, truck- in the truck bed)

How do they connect with the people around them? Love language, how they offer comfort, etc.

Neera- I'm gonna be real with you guys, this girl is so awkward internally, she doesn't know how to connect with people, which is why she wonders why people are interested are interested in her at all (Alex for one but she supposes it's due to her being the only non hostile interaction since he lives alone on his farm) her love language? I guess in the most general sense is acts of service? Protecting the orphans from bullies, paying for Robin's debt, making sure Yunie is hydrated and fed, etc. She's kind of a silent comforter, offering a hug if they want or wiping (licking) their tears. (Receiving, she would like physical touch the most)

Avis- At the risk of sounding like I'm repeating myself-- sex. He rarely has non sexual relationships with people he isn't forced to interact with on a recurring basis (i.e. Bailey, the teachers, etc.) So like even when he isn't actively having sex with someone to satiate his needs, his conversations revolve mostly around sex as well, talking about what or who he did recently. His love language… I'm not entirely sure? I think it's something that could vary depending on the PC he's "in a relationship" with, and he would cater to what he thinks would make them happy/appeased as an entirely calculated move.

[fcknstar]

,, shit affair "

-harryosborn x bc!reader x spiderman/p.p

a.n : this is a black cat reader shot, and it took like 3 days for me to finish this cause i was like so unmotivated in between writing this. i really really didnt know how to title this so yea.

warnings : manipulation ig? , using someone?

**lowercase intended**

being harrys assistant and having a secret affair with him is one thing, but being black cat is another. harry knew your identity, well because he was the one that 'made' you. it was when a test induced by kingpin that gave you psionic, feline-based powers and such. harry trusted you, trusted that youd never have the heart to turn you back on him. because if you ever do, he would gladly remind you who you belong to, remind you where you are in life. harry had mainly given you such capabilities because he wanted you to do tasks for him. cliche isnt it? 

in broad daylight, you were you, an innocent assistant. but when the night comes alive, thats when the black cat comes out to play. you often help criminals steal valuable items, steal items for yourself and harry or steal to just dispose them later on. you were doing this to attract the attention of spiderman. harry wanted you to hold spiderman captive after he disagreed to give harry his blood. despite understanding why spiderman chose to do that, you had to please harry. 

for the past few days, spiderman have been on the lookout for black cat. the only reason he patrolled every night is to see you. harry was sure that youd never fall out of love with him, and stay loyal. thankfully you didnt. but to his luck spiderman started growing fond of black cat and her sarcastic remarks. you went out at night as black cat, trying to find spiderman not knowing he is hot on your tail. before you could get any further, he grabbed your wrist pulled you towards his chest. 

" you look lost, kitty " spiderman chukled as he let you go. 

" whyd you disappear all of the sudden, huh? " spiderman advanced towards you, wanting an explanation out of you. 

" why, miss me already bug boy? " you teased. everything was going to plan. you luring him in with the right amount of tease will just get him wrapped around your finger. 

spiderman seemed pleased with your nickname. " woah, i didn't know we were that close " despite the mask covering his face, you could feel the smile that was on his face. 

you werent too far from oscorp, so itd be easy. you just needed to 'steal' something from oscorp, knowing damn well spiderman will be there to follow you like a lost puppy. 

" but yes, i did miss you. " spiderman took your wrist and pulled you towards him when you tried to walk away from him. 

" hm, charming. its a shame i wouldn't be able to see the man under that god damn mask. " you pouted. spiderman sighed. " yea well, i would love to show you every part of me, but i cant. how about we go somewhere private, hm? " that only confirmed your question, spiderman did have something for you. 

" i would love to accept such a generous offer, but i have to go get something, bug boy " spiderman has already let go of you, allowing you to go and run towards oscorp. jumping from building to building gave you some type of adrenaline rush which you loved dearly. harry was currently hiding in the room full of his experiments and equipments, patiently waiting for you and spiderman to show up. 

when your boots clacked through the floors of the empty lobby of oscorp, spiderman asked. 

" why are we here? " he felt uneasy knowing that you were about to steal something from his best friends company. 

" like i told you, im here for something. i mean you can be a good boy and save yourself. " you replied. you knew spiderman too well. even if you were about to steal the most valuable painting, he'll still be with you no matter what. 

and you were right once again, spiderman was still with you. smiling to yourself, you prepared to bring him to the room where harry is in. the only reason why harry is there is to lock the door when you couldn't. basically, harry is there as a back up.

when you stepped foot into the room, you could sense the familiar gaze of your partner. 

" you are going to steal a, i dont know, a venom? " spidermans voice alerted harry. 

" yea well, dont question my desire okay? i heard the ceo here is really hot, maybe if i took something of his, he would probably go find me and you know.. " you laughed, knowing harry heard it. grabbing the jar of venom, spiderman grabbed your wrist. 

" you done? " 

" why, whats wrong? are you scared? " you teased. 

" uh maybe? i mean we are in oscorp, you stealing stuff with me by your side. doesnt that sound weird? " spiderman chuckles nervously. it was out of his behavior to act this way. 

placing the jar back onto the desk next to the containment, you pushed spiderman down onto the desk. 

" tsk tsk, youll be safe okay? " as your hand slowly grabbed the rope underneath the desk, you slowly leaned in. knowing spiderman too, leaned in, you quickly pulled away and wrapped spiderman with the rope.

" w-what are you doing? kitty? " spiderman tried to wiggle out of the rope. 

" im sorry bug boy. " thats when harry showed himself. peters eyes widened beneath the mask. he should have known.

[calypsolemon]

i was curious - what was your process in designing the “god forms” (for the lack of a better word) of the ninja for the transcendent au? like outfits or the elemental aspects all of them have

oh this is a FANTASTIC question anon!

It's important to note that not all of the designs are my originals. Jay's is almost entirely @paperbooart's design, as well as input from @emnide, @sphor-art, and many other brickscord people (hi!) in the early stages of au development made its way into the other current designs. Of course these have been tweaked over the MANY years this au has existed at this point, but I still like to give credit where credit's due!

I'll still give a little breakdown for all of them, but it'll probably get a bit long so I'll put it under a cut

My general approach with all of the designs was to make them feel impressive and "godly" in some aspects, but not so godly that they feel unobtainably beautiful. Their outfits are purposefully kept simple to give the impression of gods who were once humans. Each design retains the flower symbol added to the backs of all the minifigures in the movieverse - I'm not really sure what their intention was with the original design, but to me it is evocative of the flower of life, which is a fitting symbol for them as gods imo.

For Lloyd, I drew the most from the design of a yukata. It felt youthful, summer-y, something worn during a celebration, as if he is constantly celebrating the existence of life itself! Over time I’ve made the silhouette of the outfit more feminine to show his androgyny as well (I personally hc lloyd as nonbinary). The sleeves are a little longer than it’d usually be however just to give it a godly flair, and there is a shining golden inner layer below the green exterior, implying the golden power of life inside him. His eyes sometimes have golden flames coming out of them as well, and he sometimes holds a green flame in one hand and his sword in the other, representing the powers of creation and destruction. His hair floats around because I think it looks cool like that lol

Zane’s design is intended to be strongly evocative of winter, as well as slightly imposing due to the bulkiness of the fur collar and the large, long robes. His robotic body would already appear ethereal to people before robotics were re-invented in new ninjago, but I often give it more glowing blue lines than my usual canon zane design, just to accentuate it. I also usually leave this out bc its a pain to draw, but sometimes he has a halo of ice arrows surrounding his head, alluding to the myth of how he created the stars. Really, my approach was him was to capture similar energy to characters like Jadis from narnia, or the snow queen, but with a less hostile edge.

Nya’s is the most detailed design, but the most fun! I wanted her to retain her samurai stuff, so I gave her some proper(ish) samurai armor. The silver of the armor is reflective like water, while the white fur accents evoke imagery of crashing waves. She also keeps some red accents that both connect her back to Kai, as well as her pre-water ninja design. In general I wanted her design to simultaneously feel like the power of a tsunami, but also the gentleness of a still pool of water.

Kai’s design in contrast is probably the most simple, on purpose. It’s similar to his normal ninja gi, just with a funky little tail attached that flows behind him like a flame in the wind. It’s mostly his hair that’s the focus - the tips of it are always burning, as if his godly form can’t even contain his fire. I wanted to keep it basic for him because Kai is the god thats considered closest to humans - his association with some of the most fundamental human emotions like anger, passion, and love, as well as his personal penchant for changing form to disguise himself amongst mortals. No matter what he looks like, its his firey personality that stands out!

I must admit, for Cole I really just went with a lot of things i found attractive lol. Of course, I wanted him to feel a bit heavier and more “grounded” than the other gods. I mostly achieved that by giving him such impossibly massive hair that it takes up half the frame of any drawing that he’s in lol. He already had piercings in my headcanons as well so I simply gave him More and Bigger ones. I accented his outfit with designs of chains, and across his skin I put cracks, revealing the powerful lava boiling just underneath.

I’ll still cover Jay a bit here even though as I said I didn’t do his final design, but I had input into the vibes. His design is supposed to come off as the most light and airy, like he’ll just float away even more than some of the others. You’re also supposed to get the sense that he’s constantly buzzing with energy, never quite standing still. His hair stands on end in a lot of my art because it makes sense with the static electricity.

also none of them have shoes because I don’t enjoy drawing shoes all that much lol

[askmyboys]

I’d call these more, my own interpretations instead of just OCs

I’ll tell you how this happened tho, i was literally just comin back from a l o n g ass road trip listenin to the musical and my tired lil brain started thinkin bout these boys and i was like ...what if i just,, made my o w n versions of em? What if I just,, and then boom, out popped well, this-

| Names: Henry Jekyll and Edward Hyde

| Nicknames: Jekyll doesn’t much care for nicknames but Hyde calls him Jek, Hen or Hen-Hen, or Henny which he REALLY hates. For the other, it’s either Ed or just simply Hyde ...Jekyll has given him many ‘nicknames’ mostly they are hateful ones tbh.

| Genders: Henry goes by he/him and Hyde goes by he/him and it/its

| Ages: Unknown but they are both adults

| Heights: Jekyll is 5’7” and Hyde is like 6’6” for sure (even tho they inhabit the same body, fuck it, im makin the rules ..andchangingthemfromtheogthing but i say height changes when Hyde’s in control)

| Species/Races: Henry’s a human ofc and Hyde? Honestly, idk what this thing is, all i can tell you is he’s stinky

| Eye Colors: Jekyll’s eyes are a Baby Blue color and Hyde’s eyes are Blood Red (ooh e d g y man)

| Hair Colors: Jekyll’s hair is honestly a messy curly undercut and the color of it is a dark brown and he has gray on the sides meanwhile Hyde’s hair is Black and in a spiked quiff style and he also has gray on the sides

| Skin Colors/Body Types: Jek’s a BIT pale but Hyde’s a much more- his skin is definitely more so a Whitish Gray kinda color so it’s definitely more noticeable than Jek’s skin if you look close enough at that (things do have to change when a certain one is in control of the body, can’t be EXACTLY the same or else it might give away that their the same person hehe) and their body types don’t really change- Jek’s body type is skinny (nothing TOO bad ofc, just a tad bit) if Hyde had his own body he’d definitely be a more average kinda bulkier build.

| Appearances: Okay first things first- they both have circle beards EXCEPT Hyde’s is a LOT more scruffier (he also has thicker sideburns btw!) and a BIT more grown out than Jek’s which is trimmed a bit more and groomed perfectly.

Jekyll usually has the typical lab coat on and a baby blue turtleneck underneath it, he also has blue pants that he wears with it as well and some oxford shoes that match the outfit, he also wears circle glasses as well (they help him see a lot better p much whereas when Hyde’s in control he doesn't really need em actually) Henry has a GOOD amount of scars all over his body, whether it be by accident, inflicted on purpose, or something more… It’s partially why he keeps his turtleneck on mostly and the lab coat helps as well- he’s ashamed of the scars and he tries to hide them especially so no one will worry about him, also for some more minor details- he wears a black watch on his wrist as well (he has no piercings or nothin like that) that’s p much it for Jek tbh, his features are p much 100% human so uh yeye

Now onto Hyde’s outfit- And yes, keep in mind- he’s still kinda,, an entity or whatever the fuck he is inside Henry’s body essentially but he DOES change his clothes when going out- his main one for going out is usually a black cloak he wears around himself (the outfit underneath is a black suit vest with a long dark red tie (his shirt underneath the suit vest is a dark red long sleeved shirt), he also wears black pants, and dark red oxford shoes, and of course he’s got a black top hat on (the band on it is red, definitely keeping a black n red themed appearance here aint he?) (his other outfits, hm I can leave up to the imagination tbh this is just for when he’s travelling around and so other people don’t spot him nearly as easily, especially when it’s n i g h t t i m e…) he’ll wear whatever the fuck he wants, and it doesn’t have to be fancy in the s l i g h t e s t- he has a variety of options.

He also has pointed ears, razor sharp teeth (got them bear trap teeth but not only that, he’s got a lot more s e c r e t teefs than that ;) he’s a lot more monstrous on the inside than the outside i’ll say that much, Jek’s n Hyde’s anatomy does change and transform depending on who gains control ...honestly it probs hurt to have your body transform and shift like that ouchie) he also has multiple tongues, he has claws that he painted black and red for the a e s t h e t i c s ya know- and hell at this point he might as well have tentacles ...He might- but I mean if you really wanna know, fuck around and find out for yourself and fuck it- he also has a dark red devil style tail since he wanna act like fuckin Satan himself smh

...I made him a lot more monstrous than originally planned but eh its fitting- bc this is Jek’s body even with a LOT of changes in these regards, he’s got the same scars n such as that, he also wears black and red spiral gauges in his ears (I should also say, he can technically hide these features to make himself appear more human, i didnt originally intend on giving him any actual monstrous features except maybe sharp teeth, claws, n the pointed ears but here we are, he still gotta not arouse suspicion around him too much tho) also his eyes have dark circles around them, not because he’s a tired man he’s just a fucking- hellish bastard who loves to look intimidating.

| Personalities: Let’s uhh start off with Jekyll because he’s better and nicer and not nasty and gross n smelly looking- He’s kind, sweet, compassionate, caring, honestly wouldn’t hurt a fly himself- could never willingly hurt someone! A sweet babey man! He’s very intelligent- I mean,, he IS a Doctor after all, he takes pride in his work but it’s not that overbearing narcissistic type pride, he’s just proud of the breakthroughs he’s made ...Granted, there is one “breakthrough” he wished he could take back .. -glancing slowly at Hyde in the reflection of the mirror- ahem- but he’s always been pretty outgoing but a lot has changed since, that abomination came into his life, sure he still tries his best to be a good person, he tries his very damnedest to find some sorta way to separate or better yet a way to destroy this evil vile beast that plagues his and everyone else’s lives! He’d rather destroy Hyde than separate from him because even then, it's still back to square one only with worse damage since he’d be of his own free will now.

He shuts himself away in his Lab a LOT, as much as he can anyways to avoid going out and risking something more happening to anyone else, of course…

There is no avoiding the outside world forever, he needs things to eat and drink, he needs things to keep his body functioning and not to mention not going outside could drive him, well, more insane than he already feels he is- He just tries to be as quick as he can about it before the other takes control or tries to, Jek definitely has a lotta anxieties and fears, and ya know at this point I mean,, hell- the man’s got trauma- Sometimes he wonders if any of this is actually real, if he had just gone insane and was just imagining all this, sometimes his head hurt because of all the thoughts and potential scenarios along with their outcomes plagued his mind, he feels a lot of things he never thought he’d feel towards anyone, he feels anger and hatred toward Hyde but in a way aside from feeling so negatively toward the other, he can’t help but admire the way Hyde wishes to just simply l i v e, and even before this beast became apart of him… He was always anxious deep down and almost scared to take that jump when needed.

But Hyde? Hyde doesn’t seem to even c a r e! That thing lives it’s life without any care whatsoever, he doesn’t have any anxieties or fears at all it seems! In a way, Henry might even be a lil envious toward the other’s carefree attitude and that he’s free of anxieties and fears ...H-He still doesn’t want the other around, he still wishes to destroy Hyde of course, even with the envy and maybe a slight bit of admiration he has his morals and principals, and if Hyde continues to exist or w o r s e gets his own body it could prove v e r y perilous.

Now onto… Eugh, Hyde- The bastard man himself- He’s stinky- an evil bastard who really needs just a good punch in the face (god don't do it yourself tho, he’ll probs eat ur entire arm) Hyde’s absolutely disgusting, will do ANYTHING to get what he desires, he can be narcissistic in some regards, VERY prideful and greedy in many ways, he isn’t above committing murder like really, was he EVER above it? If he wanted, he’d literally murder you not even for a bag of corn chips but literally just one, psh- selling you to satan for one? Bah that’s amateur’s work! He’s somehow a minor inconvenience who can commit REALLY nasty and horrible atrocities at the same time if he feels like it, if he finds out something annoys you or REALLY pisses you off he’s going to keep doing it, he will literally try driving you insane just for the fun of it, really at this point it doesn’t seem like he HAS much of a goal but to just l i v e and cause chaos, destruction, and mayhem wherever he goes, he despises Jekyll in many ways, one being for trying to destroy him first and foremost but also Henny is just s o fucking weak, such a weak man with far too many anxieties, fears, etc- He’d be SO much better of a man if he’d simply let Hyde take control and STAY in control!

It’d make everything a lot easier, then Jek wouldn’t have to worry about ANYTHING ever again! No more of that pathetic nonsense! If it were possible, Hyde would absolutely l o v e to have his own body, separate from Jekyll, that way he could have his own life separate from that pathetic weakling’s! But… Even then, Jekyll and Hyde are one, in many ways they are absolutely apart of one another, two sides of the same coin, even with their MAJOR differences in personality and Hyde almost seeming like an entirely different entity just merely possessing Jekyll, after all, Hyde will admit it himself, he spawned from deep within Jekyll’s mind, he’s tried to get the other to see time and time again that he’s always been apart of the other deep down, Jek’s always had a more mad and evil side to him! Even if the other will deny this and take the denial to his grave, Hyde always persists in trying to get the other to see the truth in front of his eyes!

Aside from that tho, Hyde is just generally a dick and loves to mess with Jek and terrify him sometimes for literally no reason, hell he could be bored one day and decide “Hey Henny, fuck you, you suck” he loves to start drama, he loves to cause problems on purpose- Both of them would give anything to separate from each other, even if Hyde knows the truth deep down bout the both of them, even if he were always originally a part of Jekyll, it didn’t matter, that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to get his own body, away from that pathetic coward of a man!

| Side Facts: Jekyll rarely ever gets to relax or any free time, he’s too worried to give himself that in fear he’ll lose control, he’s almost CONSTANTLY fighting to keep control over the other, even though he knows it's physically impossible to do so, after all, he can’t stay awake forever, sure that doesn’t stop him from trying to stay awake as long as he can before his body practically forces him to pass out and he’s MUCH weaker than he used to be, I mean hell, given how long Jekyll seems to have been around, fighting SO much and almost EVERY single day has practically worn his body down but whenever there is an opportunity for any “free” time he usually spends it trying to figure out an antidote or a way to get rid of Hyde (I will say, before Hyde REALLY started doing bastardous n horrendous things, Jek would still get annoyed with him bc he was always that way but he actually, I’d say tolerated him more so than he does by now) and Hyde even- well, he still disliked Henry IMMENSELY so, but he definitely wasn’t as bad or as awful as he is to the other now, it was more so I tolerate you and we dont have to seriously fight or struggle with each other for control and back then Jek would even sometimes let Hyde have control.

But then… A serious incident (I wont name what exactly) but a serious incident that happened caused the two to absolutely despise each other (i didnt say up there, yes, Hyde absolutely despises Jekyll but there is some heavily hidden admiration in regards to the other’s determination, his persistence, and even somewhat of his creativity, Jekyll despite being an annoying nuisance in Hyde’s way, he does have some admirable things about him) but anyway- ever since that incident occurred, Jek has tried almost EVERYTHING he knew of to get rid of Hyde, even if separation from his body would still be bad bc that could mean Hyde would obtain his own body honestly? I believe Jekyll would still take that opportunity if he were given it, if he needed, he’d try and find someway to stop Hyde’s evil, maybe it’d be easier even if the other had his own body, he didn’t know, he just wishes he could be free from all this torment and agony like gosh damn give this man a b r e a k. Give him some fruit gummies and an appy juice carton and leave him be!

When Hyde is in control he wastes little time in finding things to do, being able to be out, to see the world, the world ripe for chaos and destruction, he wastes little time in getting straight to work with whatever his devious lil mind wants to think of- also for more monstrous purposes, back up there, I was p vague with the mention of teeth on his insides- p much teeth going down his throat and hell who knows, the bastard probably has teeth on the inside of his stomach at this rate- Another not so fun fact, this man can unhinge his jaw! Yaaay so u can see sharp teefs! ...He does have to kinda set his jaw back in place though bc god forbid Jek takes control then.

Smh imagine taking back control of your body only to have a fucking dislocated j a w wouldn’t that be hellish?

Hyde rarely ever does this for a few reasons- he only does it if he’s in the mood for just takin a big chomp outta someone (big chompy) just, just please- lock this thing away- or kill it, it's a menace to society and deserves nothing good- two more things btw, tbh I genuinely wasnt even considering inhuman features at first but ya know, I compromised- he has them he just chooses to hide them more often and speaking of, while Hyde says he’s always been apart of Jekyll (well this version I made anyway) that deep down their two sides of the same coin, can you really believe him? I mean, I’m not going to spoil it and tell ya anything in that regard, but who knows, who knows what Hyde REALLY is, whether or not he’s always been apart deep down inside of Jek or just some form of entity that spawned via that wonderful little formula.

And the final thing is, their voices are p much based on the musical ones' voices- Hyde’s is that deeper n raspier kinda voice while Jek’s is much softer and ya know POLITE sounding.

[not-a-space-alien]

Into the Unknown, Part 6: Search Party: Regrouped

Prologue | Dramatis Personae | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Series masterpost

On AO3

Author’s note:  this is the chapter where things get a little weird so I hope you still like it!

In the aftermath of this disastrous meeting, Raphael made the rather unpleasant discovery that not only had Maltha never been given medical treatment by anyone else in her entire life, but that she didn’t care for the experience one bit.  She vented her frustrated at anyone who had the misfortune of being nearby; the first thing she did upon regaining consciousness was to mercilessly criticise the way Raphael had treated her.  When he tried to fix his dressings according to her directions, she did nothing but snap at him.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Maltha huffed, slapping Raphael’s hands away.  “I’ll do it.”

She leaned forwards and tried her best to re-wrap the bandages around her burns despite the obvious pain it was causing her.  Raphael sighed.  “Come on. Just let me do it.  Give me some credit.”

“No,” Maltha said.  “Go see to one of your other patients, if you haven’t already killed them all with your incompetence.  It’s a wonder the entire host hasn’t gone extinct under your care.”

Raphael closed the door of Maltha’s room in the infirmary behind him to protect passersby in the hallway from her jilted gaze and cranky commentary. He slid the little window in the door closed, too, for good measure, because Maltha didn’t seem to care about anything not in her direct line of sight at the moment.

She would be in a bad mood for a long time.  Understandably so, considering how close to death she had come, and the extent of her injuries.  All the patients under Raphael’s care right now were unique and would require specialised treatment, but the best treatment for Maltha seemed to be to slide the materials she would need under the door and let her sort it out herself.

The next patient was Kabata.  It turned out that the reason he hadn’t burned up to the point of immobilisaton, like the other demons in the room, was that he had drunk half a jug of angel dust before coming up, which had provided him with some level of protection. When asked to explain where he had gotten it from, he revealed that it was leftover from the siege of Heaven.  He had not been able to force himself to drink the entire jug of the foul concoction and had stashed the rest for later use, which had remained undisturbed in the intervening years.

Raphael told him he probably would have burned had he actually needed the angel dust during the siege of Heaven.  Kabata told him he obviously hadn’t needed it, so maybe Raphael should mind his own business.  Raphael had then made a show of getting ready to leave, which had prompted Kabata to glower and say Raphael didn’t need to go so far minding his own business that he couldn’t attend to his wounds.

While he worked, Raphael thanked Kabata for killing God, because it had saved their lives and ultimately the entire new order.  Kabata fidgeted uncomfortably and snapped at Raphael to mind his own business.  Raphael reassured him he was trying to be nice.  Kabata still eyed him with suspicion.

When pressed as to how exactly he had managed the feat for which Raphael was grateful, Kabata revealed that the weapon he had brought, which had been swiftly taken off of him, was literally called “The God-Killing Knife.” It was an artifact thought lost to time, not seen in millennia, which had been the subject of a number of secret missions from both Heaven and Hell.  It was even more powerful than both the Shiv of Kali and the Golden Dagger of Meggido combined, and both sides had been after it to see the exact extent of what it could do.  Despite the absolute uniqueness of the spellwork on its blade and the rumours about it, nobody had thought the title had been literal.

Despite the name, Kabata insisted vehemently at every opportunity that the God-Killing Knife was a short-sword and not a knife.

When pressed, Kabata admitted he had taken it from Yulera, who collected a number of things she had no idea the value of in her infernal hoard tucked away in a forgotten corner of Hell.  This tracked with the last reported sighting of the God-Killing Knife, which had been in 3560 BC when the archdemon Asmodeus had brought it down to present to Satan, only to find it inconveniently missing from her bag upon trying to do so.

They were beginning to think “Lost to time” really just meant “Lost to Yulera’s grubby, kleptomaniac hands.”  Raphael thought it might be worth talking to Yulera to see what else she had in her hoard, which she had moved to a new location whenever Aziraphale and Crowley had found it to keep it secret.  There might be other things of use in there.  Not for Raphael, of course.  But for someone, surely.

In spite of the Herculean feat Kabata had just completed for the good of the new order, he received few thanks.  Those who were inclined to try had their Thank yous rebuffed with a flurry of threats and insults, and most scurried away under his burning glare before even working up the courage to talk to him.

He was not a pleasant conversation partner.  He had a guarded, antagonistic attitude towards everyone trying to help him, and the medical staff could tell he was trying to judge how hard it would be to escape the infirmary.  Raphael could only stand so many Mind your own businesses before he decided to quit.  He didn’t bother to ask how Kabata had known about their meeting despite not receiving an invitation, figuring a ne’er-do-weller such as him simply made it a habit of being up to no good and snooping.

The infirmary wasn’t meant for holding people against their will and Kabata would definitely be able to break out as soon as he made up his mind to, but Raphael locked the door when he left all the same.  Kabata was unpleasant, but he might not really be an enemy anymore, and he probably didn’t mean anyone any genuine harm.  Between the two of them, Maltha was probably the bigger terror to the staff.

Raphael’s third patient was much more grateful than the first two.  Mykas spent about five straight minutes licking Raphael’s face while Raphael stood in unsure silence before Angelo explained that was how Mykas showed affection now.  Mykas shared a card Angelo had been helping him make, which said Thank You Raphael in overly messy scrawl, with a picture of Mykas and Raphael holding hands.  Raphael thanked him for the card and reassured him he would hang it up somewhere.

Mykas had been exposed to the divine aura for the longest and, consequently, was very severely burned, but he was of a strong constitution and made a quick recovery under Raphael’s hands.  And he was far easier to work with, so the nurses flocked to him over any of the other patients.  The worst they got from him was the occasional sniff in odd places.

Raphael’s fourth patient was not doing quite as well.  Victoria had scraped Metatron off the pavement where they had landed about half a kilometer away from the Judgement Hall, all but splattered into paste by the sledgehammer blow that had been delivered to them. They were alive, but just barely, and Raphael couldn’t tell when they would awake, if ever.

Metatron had been placed in a small pool of holy water, long black hair floating out behind them, and had been assigned three healers to see to them at all times in shifts.  It might be enough to save their life.

Raphael’s last patient was an antichrist, which he had never treated before. The fact that Noah had burned in God’s presence was a sign of his infernal blood and good enough evidence of what might happen if Raphael tried to treat him like an angel, so he used the same makeshift techniques he cobbled together to try and treat the other demons. Noah was the first to regain consciousness out of lot and did not seem as severely injured as the others—perhaps his nature of not being entirely of demon blood, the result of his mixed heritage, had provided him some protection.

It did make Raphael wonder who exactly Noah’s other parent was, but it was more idle curiosity than anything.  At any rate, Noah was the first to declare himself well enough to leave, offering that he was extremely busy in Hell and he had been away long enough over Raphael’s protests that he should stay in the infirmary longer.

Noah lingered just long enough to have a conversation with Uriel that Raphael couldn’t help overhearing, during which he thanked her for saving his life. Upon seeing Uriel’s surprise at being thanked, Noah said he thought someone ought to acknowledge what was probably the first time she had ever done something so selfless, just in case nobody else was going to do it.  Then he left, bidding everyone farewell and heading back down to Hell.

Kabata was the second to leave.  Despite the precautions, Kabata broke out and disappeared as soon as he was well enough to walk.  No one was particularly bothered by this, in truth, because he seemed at worst a nuisance at this point, not intending any real harm for anybody, his one blood-quest fulfilled at last.  He did, unfortunately, manage to swipe the God-Killing Knife back for himself before heading out, which was a pity because they would all have felt a lot better having it around.

Maltha was the third to leave, again before Raphael discharged her, but he knew better than to try and overrule her.  He was somewhat surprised to see Maltha thank Uriel as well, and even give her a peck on the cheek.  Maybe it was true that even the most wretched among them weren’t beyond hope.

Contrary to everyone else, Mykas stayed for as long as Raphael asked him, wagging his tail furiously and pouncing on Raphael each time he came in, seemingly delighted to be the center of attention and doted on.

Raphael eventually had to convince him to leave once it was clear he was perfectly healthy, leaving the Metatron as the only patient left in the healing ward, to be attended to day and night.  Raphael was hopeful, since Metatron was stable at the very least.

There was one patient, however, that Raphael could not help…

“I’ve covered everything between the Judgement Hall and the Hall of the Throne,” Aziraphale reported as Raphael washed blood off his hands.  “No sign of him.  I flew as high as I could go.  I’m going to search up to Heaven’s gates.  Ramial is double-checking the areas I’ve already covered.”

“All right,” said Raphael.

Aziraphale wrung his hands.  Raphael wanted to reassure him that he was sure Crowley was all right, but he was a bad liar.

“There’s still no update from Noah?” said Aziraphale.

“Noah sent an update that Hell has—”

“Did he mention Crowley?”

“Yes, apparently Mammon is coordinating searches through Hell for him.”

“He’s not going to be in Hell,” snapped Aziraphale.  “Why would he be in Hell?”

“I don’t know!” Raphael said, throwing his arms up.  “I don’t know where he is, Aziraphale!  What do you want me to say?”

A hand appeared on Aziraphale’s arm, and Victoria leaned in to speak to him in a low voice.  “Calm down, Aziraphale.  We are doing everything we can.  Raphael is doing his best.”

Aziraphale made a visible attempt to relax, but it didn’t quite work.

“I’ll start organising search parties on Earth,” said Victoria.  “If he’s here somewhere, we’ll find him.”

“Aziraphale, you need to consider the possibility that Crowley died,” said Raphael.

“He can’t be dead!” Aziraphale said tightly.

“Aziraphale,” said Raphael, with a firm hand on the lesser angel’s shoulder. “If Crowley is dead, there’s an easy fix.  We can have Noah bring him back to life.  He’s done it before.”

Aziraphale wrenched his arm out of Raphael’s grasp, refusing to be comforted. “I know that,” Aziraphale muttered.  He wrapped his arms around himself.  “Crowley can’t be dead because Azrael said he didn’t reap Crowley.  Crowley didn’t die.  So he still has to be here somewhere.”

Victoria and Raphael looked at each other hesitantly.

“Maybe we should talk to Azrael to clarify…” Victoria suggested haltingly.

Aziraphale, face stormy, exited the room with wings spread, intending to resume the search.

******************************

The days wore on and still there was no sign of Crowley.  Aziraphale developed dark bags under his eyes, never stopping the search to sleep or eat.  He scoured every inch of Heaven and, finding nothing, repeated the procedure in Hell despite Mammon’s reassurances that search parties had already covered the ground under his inspection.

When they left the infirmary, Maltha, Mykas, and Noah set out helping with the search.  But even with their resources combined, there was no sign of Crowley in Heaven or Hell.

Contrary to conception among humans, Earth is actually vastly larger than even Heaven and Hell combined in terms of sheer surface area.  Aziraphale knew the odds of him finding any clues there were slim, yet there seemed little alternative.

Aziraphale started in London and worked his way out in a spiral fashion. A lot of times he ended up circling aimlessly in the sky, wings keeping him aloft on air currents, trying to absolve himself of all thought, trying desperately not to think of what he would do if he couldn’t find anything, of how long the search would last.

Crowley wasn’t dead.  Crowley was still alive.  Somewhere.

All he could think about was when Crowley had moved Heaven and Earth to find him when he was in the clutches of Satan.  All he could think about was how badly he had wanted to see Crowley, how scared he had been to be separated from their friends, and about how Crowley must be feeling the exact same way right now.  And Aziraphale could do nothing about it; he was helpless, useless as the ring on his finger that refused to activate even under the constant rubbing and activation of the Lover’s Charm.

It was in the middle of one particularly intense session of aimless drifting one day that a piece of mail materialised from a cloud above him and smacked him in the face.  It had Noah’s seal on it.

He peeled the letter off himself and opened it.  

Aziraphale,

I’m back on my feet down in Hell. I’ve diverted the search parties that were set after Satan to search for Crowley instead.  I’ve heard word that Mykas and Maltha have also left the infirmary and are joining the search.

I hope you’re doing well.  You weren’t answering mail at the shop, so I figured you had lost track of time looking for Crowley out there.  Be sure to come home every once in a while OK?  If only so we can contact you more easily.  I had to have Lyra do a scrying spell just to send this letter.

I’ve tried to use my powers to summon Crowley’s location, but couldn’t find anything.  I’ve never had an attempt to seek information through my Antichrist powers fail in such a way.  I am having Lyra prepare a scrying spell, but I doubt it will work.  It is much less powerful magic.

Our thoughts are with you and Crowley.  Please keep us updated.

-Noah King of Hell, Son of Satan, Lord of Darkness etc.

Aziraphale mustered up his willpower to teleport and materialised directly into his office in his bookshop.  He grabbed his parchment and pen set with shaking hands and wrote a response to Noah, throwing it down.  He received the reply a few minutes later:

I’ve already tried bringing Crowley back to life the way I did when Michael killed him.  It didn’t work.  I’m sorry, Aziraphale.  He’s not dead.  He’s just…gone.

*******************************

Azrael’s phrasing of the way he reaps—I guide them to whatever awaits them—seemed to imply to Aziraphale that you did not stop existing when you died.  That you continued to exist, in some way, in some form, in some place, in a way nobody else knew about.  The same way human souls continued to exist and were physically located in Heaven and Hell after death, where live humans couldn’t access them, except a dead demon or angel—or God, perhaps—didn’t go there.  Discorporation—the death of the body—sent you either to Heaven or Hell.  But the death of the soul?  It sent you…where?

Noah had been able to bring Crowley back to life.  He had brought him from wherever he had been.  He hadn’t constructed a new Crowley, or turned back the clock, or something.  He had moved him back into the realm of the living.

God hadn’t killed Crowley.  He had put him, physically, somewhere else, somewhere other than where celestial and infernal beings traditionally went when they died, wherever that was.

Noah didn’t seem to know where it was.  He couldn’t vocalise how his antichrist powers worked, and he couldn’t reach Crowley, wherever he was.

And Death didn’t know where this could be either, upon pressing.  It took Aziraphale a full day to corner Azrael, who reported Victoria had given him the same interrogation and he was getting quite tired of it.  Whatever had happened to Crowley was squarely outside his jurisdiction, and he wasn’t interested in investigating it, so would Aziraphale please leave so he could get back to his job?

He didn’t ask Death to confirm God’s state of existence.  He was afraid of the answer he would get, either way, and Death didn’t seem particularly keen on asking questions.  He was still grouchy about one of the angels under him misbehaving, and he couldn’t get any of them to fess up.

Aziraphale searched Earth without stopping.  He received word that Metatron had finally regained consciousness, but Aziraphale couldn’t bring himself to care unless they offered up any useful contribution.  He received a letter from Angelo that Mykas kept sniffing Crowley’s trail down, only to end up at the bookshop each time.  Aziraphale crumpled up that letter and left fall miles below to the ground.

He perched on top of a mountain and watched the sun rise with his knees drawn up to his chest, feeling more alone than he ever had despite the concerned letters piling up in his un-checked mailbox back home.  The ring on his hand felt heavier than ever, and he found himself clutching it without realising.

He rubbed it to activate the charm at least once an hour.  But the ring stayed unlit, dead to the world.  Whatever was separating them, it was greater than distance.

*******************************

It might have continued on this way forever, had not a certain foundation angel been caught doing something very strange in Heaven’s Judgement Hall.

It is true that foundation angels, in general, care for little else than their jobs.  Nothing makes them happier than seeing the natural order of physics run like a well-oiled machine.

But, like the rest of the angels in existence, they too could develop kinks, quirks, personalities, likes and dislikes.

Wants.  Needs.  Embarrassments.

And Noah had just learned about one in particular, which turned out to be very germane indeed.

“There he is,” said Noah, waving for Lyra to back up.

The court magician, sitting among a nest of spell ingredients on the throne room floor, rolled the scrying ball according to his directions.

The image in the ball panned back to Aziraphale, sitting morosely at a restaurant with a stack of sushi in front of him.  Noah chucked the parchment he was holding into the portal Lyra had constructed for this exact purpose.

In the scrying ball, the letter materialised directly on top of Aziraphale’s head.  He seemed not to notice it for a moment before slowly reaching up to pat his head, then retrieved it and unfurled it.

“We wouldn’t have to do this if you would check your damn mail like I asked you to,” said Noah.

Aziraphale’s face snapped into an expression of intense interest, and Noah guessed which part of the letter he must have been reading.

“He should be down soon,” said Noah.  “Thank you, Lyra, you’re dismissed.”

The King of Hell turned away from Lyra as she packed up her things, back towards the two angels sitting at the ornate meeting table.  One of them looked very shame-faced indeed.

“Time,” said Noah.  “I hope you have a good defense ready, because you’re really going to get it.”

Time slunk lower in his seat.

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Victoria.”

Standing behind the table with her arms crossed, looking stormy, Victoria nodded.

“And Space,” said Noah.  “You’re not in trouble, but I really do wish you would have told us about this sooner. We’ve been wasting time looking on our own.  You and Time both work together to—”

TIME AND I ARE INEXTRICABLY LINKED, said the second foundation angel, a long being with hollow eyes and fingers like the branches of willow trees.  WHAT ONE DOES CONCERNS THE OTHER GREATLY.  TOGETHER WE HOLD ALL FOUR DIMENSIONS OF THE UNIVERSE UP, UPON WHICH THE OTHER FOUNDATION ANGELS MAY—

Noah cut her off with a wave.  Space tended to do this, he had noticed.  She sort of…spaced out of the conversation and rambled.  It was understandable, considering Space had no real conception of where she was at given moment, or to whom she was talking.

NOT THAT ONE, said Space to someone not present.  THE RED ONE.  ARE YOU A FOOL?

WHAT WAS THAT? said Time.

“She wasn’t talking to you,” said Noah desperately, “she was with someone else on—”

I WAS JUST SAYING THAT THE RED ONE WAS BETTER, said Space.  SURELY IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT NOW?  CAN’T YOU KEEP ANYTHING STRAIGHT?

Noah cringed and waved his hands to try and separate them.

OH DO BE QUIET.  YOU’RE THE ONE WHO CAUSED ALL THIS TROUBLE.

WE BOTH KNOW THIS MEETING WILL TAKE FAR TOO LONG.

OH DO WE?

“Be quiet!” Victoria yelled.

They both craned their necks to look at her looming over them fearfully.

“My esteemed guests,” said Noah, clapping his hands, waving Victoria to step away from them.  “Please, I think we’ve all said there is to say before Aziraphale gets here.”

ISN’T HE ALREADY HERE?  said Space.

HE’S NOT ARRIVING UNTIL 14:52.06, said Time.  THOUGH, OF COURSE, FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, HE HAS ALREADY ARRIVED AND LEFT.

The doors of the throne room swung open, and Mammon nosed them to the side so Aziraphale could pass through.  He made a beeline for Noah, waving the letter.  “I got your—”

“Aziraphale, you’ve already met Time,” said Noah, gesturing to the table. “It turns out he’s responsible for the whole debacle of deaths being reversed.”

Aziraphale stopped, infuriated gaze locking onto the foundation angel. “And why would he do that, pray tell?”

Time stared off at the empty table, expression unreadable.

“So, you know that Time was close with Lucifer,” said Noah.  “And that when Time found out about Satan’s death, he—”

“I remember,” Aziraphale interrupted.

I MISSED HIM, said Time feebly.

“Time thought he could perform a resurrection by using his power to set back one very specific flow of time—namely, supernatural beings who had died recently.”

PLEASE DON’T TELL DEATH, said Time.  HE’LL…WELL, KILL ME.

“So you just brought back everyone between now and Satan without a thought to the consequences?” Aziraphale exploded.  

I’M SORRY.  I DIDN’T MEAN FOR ALL THIS TO HAPPEN.

“Well, it did happen,” said Aziraphale.  “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Time slunk down in his seat even further.

Aziraphale walked over and kicked the legs of the table with a string of curses.  Space looked up to the roof sharply as though something had caught her attention there.

WHAT IS IT? said Time.

IT’S RAINING, said Space.

“The damage has been done,” said Noah.  “And I don’t think it’s a good idea for Time to try and turn it back, because tampering with the flow of time—”

IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD NOT EVER BE DONE, Space said.  I CAN FEEL THE THREADS OF THE FOUR DIMENSIONS FRAYING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF THIS POOR DECISION.

Noah grimaced.

IT SHOULD BE FINE UNLESS WE STRAIN IT FURTHER, said Space.  WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY NOT JUSTIFIED UNDER ANY BUT THE MOST EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES.  ESPECIALLY NOT BECAUSE YOU…MISS SOMEONE.

The hands on the clocks that served for Time’s eyes whirred around with the sound of grinding gears.

I WAS JUST IN THE PROCESS OF REPAIRING ALL THE DAMAGE TO THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME THIS HAS DONE WHEN I WAS INTERRUPTED AND BROUGHT DOWN HERE.  This was said with considerable irritation towards Victoria.

Aziraphale ignored this.  “Okay, so then where’s Crowley?  You said in the letter you have an idea of where he is.”

“Right,” said Noah, taking a seat at the table and tenting his fingers. “This is going to be a little difficult to explain…  Space said she felt a disturbance right around the time God did…whatever that was to Crowley.”

I FELT SOMETHING EXITING OUR DIMENSION, said Space.

“That must have been Crowley!” said Aziraphale.  “Where did he end up then?  Is he…floating in outer space?”

Space crossed her arms.  NO.

“Oh.”

“There’s….Space explained it like this, Aziraphale.  Just outside the confines of our world…of the boundaries she controls, there’s a solid wall none of us can get through.  She felt Crowley cross that wall."

NONE OF US CAN, said Space.  BUT SOMEONE WITH POWER ON THE SCALE THAT GOD HAD COULD MANAGE IT.

Aziraphale’s face began to fall.  “Surely there must be some way to get him out.”

“That’s the problem, Aziraphale,” said Noah.  “He’s over it, somewhere, but we don’t know where. On the other side of this wall, there’s—”

ANOTHER WORLD, Space said.

Aziraphale stood stock still, struggling to process what he was being told. “What?”

I DO NOT KNOW MUCH OF THE MULTIVERSE, said Space.  BUT WE ARE CONFINED IN OUR OWN LITTLE CORNER OF IT WITHOUT INTERVENTION FROM A HIGHER POWER, SUCH AS THE ONE THAT MADE THE WALLS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Aziraphale furrowed his brow.  “Like a parallel dimension?  A mirror universe?”

Space shook her head.  NO, NOT MIRROR.  THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW HOW SIMILAR OR DIFFERENT THEY ARE.  BUT THERE ARE MANY POCKETS OF SPACE LIKE OURS, ARRANGED SIDE-BY-SIDE, SEPARATED BY WALLS.

“Space says that she believes the factions of the multiverse are arranged so that more similar ones are clustered together.  So they would get more bizarre and different the further out from ours you went, but the ones next door are probably similar to ours.  So, likely that Crowley could survive whichever one he was dropped into.”

THIS IS ALL CONJECTURE, OF COURSE, said Space.  NOT EVEN I KNOW FOR CERTAIN.

Aziraphale clenched his fists.  “So he’s probably alive.”

“Hopefully,” said Noah.

“I still don’t really understand this,” said Victoria.  “It makes no sense that God would build a dimension next door and never go there.  …right?”

Space tapped the side of her head.  YOU ARE ASSUMING BOTH THAT HE MADE IT, AND THAT HE NEVER WENT THERE.  THE RED ONE!

“The red one what?” said Victoria.

BRING YOUR UMBRELLA.  THINK OF IT LIKE THIS…OUR UNIVERSE WAS A HOUSE BUILT BY GOD, AND WE ARE ANTS LIVING ON THE FLOOR.  WE CAN POPULATE THE FLOOR, AND WE CAN CLIMB THE WALLS, BUT BY NO MEANS CAN WE MOVE ABOUT AS FREELY AS HIM, AND WE CAN’T PROPERLY UNDERSTAND NOR TRAVEL TO CERTAIN PARTS OF THE HOUSE.  WE ARE SIMPLY ON TOO SMALL OF A SCALE.  VANILLA PLEASE.

Aziraphale massaged his temples.  “So is Crowley alive or not?”

VANILLA? said Space.  THE MACHINE IS BROKEN.  CONTINUING THIS ANALOGY, GOD PLUCKED CROWLEY OFF THE FLOOR AND TOSSED HIM OUT THE WINDOW, WHERE HE LANDED IN THE NEIGHBOURS’ HOUSE.  WHO KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE OVER THERE?  THE FURNITURE IS LIKELY ARRANGED DIFFERENTLY.

“We have to go get him,” said Aziraphale.  “If there’s even a chance he could still be alive, we have to try.”

Space reared up, steaming.  WERE YOU NOT LISTENING?  THE FABRIC OF REALITY HAS BEEN TORN BY TIME’S FOOLISH ACTIONS, AND WE CANNOT STRAIN IT FURTHER, ESPECIALLY FOR SOMETHING AS PETTY AS MISSING SOMEONE.

“Surely the situation isn’t so dire that one small exception can’t be made.”

Time’s unsettling clock eyes ticked on Aziraphale.  SO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS, THE THOUGHT OF NEVER SEEING HIM AGAIN MAKES YOU FEEL SO HORRIBLE YOU WOULD REND THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME TO FIX IT, HEEDLESS OF THE CONSEQUENCES?  IS THAT NOT WHAT YOU JUST BERATED ME FOR?

Aziraphale turned bright red.  ���This is different!”

HOW?

Aziraphale spluttered and looked to Noah for help.  Noah grimaced.

THE RED ONE, Space erupted.  YOU FOOL. YOU IDIOT.

“I don’t see why Crowley and I should be punished for Time’s mistake,” said Aziraphale.  “This is unfair.”

BRING YOUR UMBRELLA, said Space.  I’M SORRY, AZIRAPHALE, BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF WE ALLOW SPACE-TIME TO UNRAVEL?  THE TRAIN IS LATE, IDIOT.

“Erm, well…”

THE PHYSICAL LAWS GOVERNING THE UNIVERSE WILL BEGIN TO BEND.  WE WILL SEE WORSE THAN A FEW DEMONS COMING BACK TO LIFE.  THE FOUNDATION ANGELS CANNOT WORK IF THE TOOLS THEY NEED ARE RENDERED NONFUNCTIONAL. BRING THE UMBRELLA.

“Aziraphale, come here for a moment,” said Noah, gesturing to the corner of the room.

Aziraphale walked over and Noah bent over him, huddling their heads together so they could talk in private.  “Aziraphale, you might not like this situation, but I have a possible solution. It’s…not ideal, but it would avoid having to strain the foundations any further, and it could be a backup if we can’t find Crowley, or...or the worst has happened.”

“What’s that?”

“I can’t resurrect Crowley, but I could make a copy of him.”

Aziraphale stared at Noah.

“He wouldn’t be exactly the same, of course, but it’s not outside the bounds of what my powers can do.  He would be however close to the original as I could get him—”

Aziraphale hid his face in his hands.

“—And he needn’t even remember what happened.  He would never know.”

Aziraphale considered it for just a moment.  He wasn’t proud of that, but he was that desperate.  But when he slowly moved his hands away from his face, his eyes caught the ring Crowley had so lovingly placed on his finger.  The etched sigil still lay darkened under his fingertips.

He had gotten it right after Crowley had just braved Hell and high waters and Satan himself to retrieve Aziraphale when Aziraphale needed help the most.  And all Aziraphale could remember is how scared he had been when he had been taken, and how much he had wished to see Crowley.

And when he had been lying there in Satan’s hands, unsure of what would happen to him, all he could think about was how much he wanted to see Crowley, and how relieved he would be when Crowley found him…

“No,” said Aziraphale.  “Absolutely not.  If Crowley is still out there, we have to help him.  To do anything else would be the height of selfishness.”

Noah took a deep breath.  “Okay.”

He patted Aziraphale on the back and turned back, spreading his arms towards Space and Time.  “We need you to help us.  There must be some way to get into this other world without doing any more harm.”

YOU COULD GO THROUGH THE HOLE GOD MADE, said Time.

Space spun around slapped Time.  THEY WOULD NOT HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THAT IF YOU HADN’T TOLD THEM.

Time rubbed his face.

“What’s this?” said Aziraphale.

GOD TORE A SMALL HOLE IN THE FABRIC OF REALITY TO THROW CROWLEY OUT OF, said Time.

THAT’S WHAT I WAS FIXING IN THE JUDGEMENT HALL, said Space.  BEFORE VICTORIA DRAGGED ME AWAY FROM IT.  

“I really wish you would have told us about this sooner, Space,” said Noah.  “Come on. I think you’re the only one who can see it.  We wouldn’t have found it if Victoria hadn’t seen you repairing it.”

I’VE BEEN FIXING TIME’S MISTAKES, said Space, sounding outraged. AND YOU BERATE ME FOR NOT BRINGING A SPATIAL REND TO YOUR ATTENTION?  HOW MUCH DO YOU PLAN TO ASK OF ME?  I DO NOT DO FAVOURS FOR ANYONE!

“Is the spatial rend still big enough for someone to get through?” said Noah.

Space crossed her arms sourly.  YES, BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I ALLOW ANYONE TO TRAVEL THROUGH IT.  IT MUST BE CLOSED IMMEDIATELY TO AVERT FURTHER DISASTER.

“How fast can it be repaired?”

AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

“Space, how long is it going to take?”

Space didn’t answer.

“Space…how long?”

THREE DAYS MORE AT THE EARLIEST, said Space.  BUT SENDING SOMEONE THROUGH IT WILL STRAIN IT.

“How much?”

ANY FURTHER AMOUNT IS INTOLERABLE.

“Come on, Space…you have to meet us halfway.  Surely there must be some wiggle room here?”

Space sat silently for a moment.

“How many people can we get through it, and for how long, before it has to be closed?”

THE RED ONE! Space shrieked.  FOR FUCK’S SAKE.  TEN.

“Ten?” said Aziraphale.

THE STRAIN ON THE FABRIC OF REALITY WOULD BE NEGLIGIBLE IF TEN PEOPLE PASSED THROUGH IT.  OR, IF YOU PREFER, FIVE PEOPLE EXITING AND THEN RE-ENTERING.

Noah slapped the table.  “Great.  So it looks like we’ve got an expedition to plan.”

“Five,” said Aziraphale.  “Is that really all?”

Space glowered.  MAYBE SIX AT A STRETCH.  THIRTEEN, IF YOU LEAVE AS A GROUP OF SIX AND RETURN WITH SEVEN.  THAT IS PERMISSIBLE.  GRAB THE UMBRELLA.  

 “Thank you,” said Aziraphale.  “Thank you, thank you.”

“We’ll get him back,” said Victoria.  “The multiverse, or whatever it is, be damned.”

BUT I MUST EMPHASIZE NO MORE THAN THAT, said Space.  ANY MORE WILL CAUSE MORE THAN MINIMAL DAMAGE.  AND WAITING ANY LONGER WILL CAUSE MORE THAN MINIMAL DAMAGE.  AND IF YOU’RE NOT BACK IN TIME, I’M CLOSING THE RIFT ANYWAY.

Victoria and Aziraphale looked at each other.  Aziraphale fidgeted with his ring.  “Guess we’d better hurry, then.”

[stylinbreeze60]

My “WIPs”

Thanks @sugaandyams. I don't get tagged too often, so thank you!

“The Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.”

Oh my goodness. I had stuffed saved in all different places. I’ll start with the folders that contained fics that are incomplete. Welp, here I go!

Great Galactic War - this folder is the dump for my Haikyuu space/war AU, one of three or four fics I may focus on writing in the near future (first chapter is already published); the folder has very little atm, but I have about two dozen different scenes on my phone that aren't saved on PC

Kenma Project - the dump for my actively ongoing Haikyuu next gen captain war AU. I have a file in here further titled Ennoshita chapter. I wonder what that’s about? ;)

Three Kings - the dump for my Haikyuu samurai AU starring Hinata and Noya, the second possible fic I may commit to writing (first 2 chapters already published); there’s a chapter outline (which is dated because I’ve updated it in my head so much), and there are notes and many chapter tidbits on my phone too

Vice - the dump for a canonverse Haikyuu fic that was borne from a desire to write more Nekoma, so I subjected them to debilitating angst. There’s a rough chapter outline in here, and there are a couple of chapter drafts saved as emails on my phone. It’s the third fic that I might commit my time to (first 2 chapters, starring poor Inuoka, already published)

March of Justice - this folder was the dump for my aborted One Piece/My Hero Academia crossover, in which a couple of One Piece villains travel to the BnHA universe to conquer it

And here’s the rest I found. Some of these are just notes on fanciful ideas I had for a day and then never revisited. Others were never intended to see the light of day whatsoever

Abe dake ga Inai Machi - Oofuri-Erased - oh goodness. I had to stare at that title for a while to figure out what was wrong with it. An Oofuri/Big Windup fanfic that I didn’t play with for very long, but I was surprised to find I actually wrote the first chapter. Like Boku Dake ga Inai Machi (Erased), there’s a murder and then Abe finds himself transported back to the start of the Oofuri series, 10 months earlier. I reread some of this first chapter, and by my standards, it’s awful

Ace of Diamond - scandal fanfic - one of the ones never intended to see the light of day. It’s just notes. Basically Seidou pulls off its own Black Sox scandal and gets nailed, with some drama over whether Eijun is actually guilty

Ace of Iron / Ace of Swords - a Diamond no Ace samurai AU, mostly notes but also including drafts of a first chapter. It grew so huge there was no chance I could ever write it as a fanfic, so I actually converted it into an original story idea that I may do something with some day

Big Windup - cheating ploy disaster - this one is just notes and also never intended to see the light of day. An Oofuri idea in which Nishiura’s defeated rivals suspect them of cheating and kidnap the club boys to force them to confess. It goes even more downhill. (I’m very glad that, since discovering Haikyuu, I now conceive fanfics I actually want to write.)

Day of the Countercoup - I had to dig to find this one cos I knew it existed, but it wasn't a file. It was a tab in an Excel doc I used for my Haikyuu political AU, Coup d���Etat. It’s notes for an aborted sequel (Coup d’Etat’s original title was “Night of the Coup,” hence this contrasting title) that I scrapped soon after starting work on it. So glad too! Coup d’Etat got its due, and that AUverse shall be left to itself now

Haikyu - Gospel of Shouyou - oh goodness. I’m not gonna explain this one. Me experimenting, not intended to see the light of day

Haikyu - Nightmare from Heaven - this one may be the fourth candidate for continuation as a long-term fic but is currently unpublished. A war/occupation fic in which Miyagi Prefecture is conquered during a contemporary World War III, and the Karasuno boys must now live under foreign military occupation. The first chapter and part of the second were written, and I've got several notes on my phone and PC about subsequent chapters. Thank goodness tensions in that part of the world have simmered down since I devised it

Life Hereafter - Chapter 6.5 alternate ending - oh no. Life Hereafter is my darkest and most sensitive fic, published only on FFN, written to process a RL tragedy I was distantly affected by. I struggled with the ending of Chapter 6, which covered Tsukki and Yamaguchi’s coping with the canonverse tragedy. One draft (called “6.5″ in case I ever wanted to publish it, but I likely never will) featured Tsukki, seeking solace and desperately wanting to console Yamaguchi, giving in to poor judgment and kissing him. Only to then learn Yamaguchi doesn't have the same feelings back. Topping off their hurt with this was far too cruel and painful, and even before I started typing it, I knew I wouldn’t actually publish it. Rereading the draft even now made me feel uncomfortable which is why I kept it because it’s perhaps the best friendship-ruining moment I’ve ever written

Oofuri fanfic - Sakura Conspiracy - I thought I wrote a chapter 1 draft too, but this is an outline for a WWII Oofuri AU in which Nishiura, after winning Koshien in the late 20s or early 30s, moves on to military and political careers, one of their former teammates dies under suspicious circumstances, and Mihashi fears one of his old teammates may be responsible. The story stretches from 1937 to 1945

I'm actually surprised I found no notes on my Haikyuu mafia AU idea. I guess I never actually transcribed any, even though the plot is substantially complete in my head!

These four are all notes for gigantic crossovers:

Periods of World fanfic - This was an experiment, in which each century from 2000 BC to 2000 AD was listed out, a different part of the world selected for each century, and then a different anime or manga assigned to each part of the world. The idea was to write a chapter set in that century in that area starring those characters. The last chapter, for the new millennium, would have covered all parts of the world. The file is dated 2013. It never became more than this list

Periods of World fanfic 2 - and so it seems I tried again! This file is dated 2014 and shows just a teeny bit more dedication, with the 20th century further subdivided into decades, then every year from 2000-2009, and then every six months for 2010-2014. There are some different anime choices than the 2013 version. Never went anywhere with it, never gonna

Reborn epic crossover anime tribute layout - yes, that’s the literal filename. This is from my days as a Katekyo Hitman Reborn fan, and I don't even recognize most of the character names anymore. Apparently the villains of Reborn travel to seven other anime universes to kidnap major characters to sacrifice them as part of some weird magic scheme that I can’t properly decipher now

Random multi-anime WWII fanfic plan - yes, that’s also the literal filename. This is an outline for a 50-chapter crossover set before and during World War II, where the main characters of Naruto are Russian, One Piece are British, Bleach are French, Katekyo Hitman Reborn are German, Blue Exorcist are Italian, Fairy Tail are Japanese, and Ed and Al from FMA are American. The plot is emotionally devastating, doesn’t pull the punches on all sorts of WWII-related triggers, and frequently and cruelly denies catharsis.

To be perfectly honest though, rereading it, I swear this is the best story I have ever invented! It has a heartrending blend of tragedy, poignant poetic justice, subplot causality, and social commentary and contains few of the traps I sometimes fall into like cheap shock and subplots going nowhere. I really wish I could do something with this narrative now

And I’ll count the hefty handful of TV scripts I’ve written in an effort to practice and hone my scriptwriting skills. All but the last one of these are hypothetical new seasons of real anime:

Blue Exorcist s2 - 1 episode. My attempt to write the Impure King arc, years before they actually produced the Impure King arc. This was not my best work

Noragami: God’s Secret - 2 episodes for a manga-based Season 3. These were pretty decent imo

Oofuri/Big Windup: The Coming of Fall - 17 episodes. I got really into this one. A speculative season 3 assuming three cours (imo we probably won’t be blessed with that many episodes if season 3 comes), covering everything up until the end of the fall tournament. The first 13 episodes covered the story up to chapter 84 minus the Kasukabe match, followed by an OVA (ep 13.5), and then I was working on the Kasukabe match told in hindsight before planning to continue with the big game of the fall prelims. The third cour would have covered the fall tournament itself

Mekakucity Actors XX - 4 episodes. My own idea for a season 2/alternate ending. Because I was very conflicted with how the anime ended

School Babysitters - this was an original episode idea for Gakuen Babysitters that I enjoyed writing very much but turned out too long (40 pages) and features the babies turning into insects. I wouldn't mind publishing it somewhere actually!

I am going to tag @wire-pudding and @kemoiunder! Anyone else who reads this and wants to explore the abyss that is non-started WIPs, be my guest too!

[sirtravisjacksonoftexas]

Was Satan the Serpent in the Garden? UM, YES, and the Oaks of Mamre Will Show you Why…

 250,000 BC.

Studying the Mesopotamian midnight sky, Eve considered the constellations, smiling as she deciphered their shapes. One looked like a giant with his arms raised, another a lion. One resembled a fish, one a bear with a tail, and one that resembled…a serpent.

“The Serpent.” She said, her curly red hair caught in the air, covering her freckled face. Flicking her hair away, she turned, walking between two glistening white bushes, their red flowers larger than her head. Sniffing several, she enjoyed their citrus scent, resembling that of an open orange. Plucking one, she walked forwards, twirling around Adam as he tended to a dark tree. Admiring his overly muscular form, Eve raised an eyebrow and smirked. Turning away, she sniffed the red flower in her hands…then froze.

“Forbidden tree…” She whispered, her amber eyes wide.

The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was considered anathema in the Garden. Monkeys, including the huge howlers, never leaped onto its branches. Horned owls never perched on it, Tarsiers never climbed it. Even angels wouldn’t dare draw near it. It wasn’t really off-limits, and the only beings that were not allowed to eat its round, purple-skinned fruit were Adam and Eve, and yet…most kept their distance. Being caretakers of the Garden, Adam and Eve didn’t have that luxury. They had to tend its branches, water it. Thus, they were the only creatures who dared approach the tree.

They…and the serpent.

Cocking her head, Eve dropped the flower, then approached.

Studying the ground, she stepped over several of the tree’s crimson roots, many of which arched over the grass. Its bark was just as red, albeit a bit darker and more rugged in appearance. Golden sap bled from its bark, creating several pools on the ground that Eve hopped over. Its bright green leaves each bore seven points, all of which now and again generated a spark. Whenever the wind struck them, the leaves would speak words, many of which neither Adam nor Eve could understand. Eve recalled some of those words as she studied the leaves, which tonight were so far silent:

“Get the elephants on board! The rain is coming, Ham, the rain is coming…”

“I don’t care how many workers perish, I want that pyramid built…”

“Take the infants, offer them to Chemosh…”

“Eurystheus, why do you complain so much about your new wife? Just beat her into submission and be done with it…”

“The Plague…the Plague in Paris…”

“Burn, witch! Burn…

“Welcome to Auschwitz, everyone…”

“The second tower…has fallen…”

Shaking her head, eve turned to the nearest of its fruits.

“How can such a twisted, troubled tree bear such beautiful delights…”

The garden was suddenly filled with light. As Eve looked around, the ground shook, several trees snapping in the distance. A coarse, gravelly roar scattered ravens into the air, making Eve put her hands on her ears. As more and more trees snapped, she turned and looked to the north, seeing something rise above the bushes, its head twenty feet off the ground. Eve’s eyes went across its scales, which were darker than the night sky, darker than any shadow and yet…generated light. She noted its dark blue tongue, which reached ten feet when it flicked. It’s saber fangs stretched far below its mouth, dripping venom that generated flame. As it opened its crimson eyes, Eve smiled.

“I…I didn’t expect you awake at this hour…” Eve said, blinking as she put her hand on her chin.

“My child, other serpents sleep.” the serpent said, his voice deep, penetrating,

“I spend my nights plotting instead.”

“Plotting? What does “plotting” mean?” Eve said, failing to understand. Smirking, the serpent slithered around the tree, lowering his head until his eyes were level with hers. Suddenly, his tongue darted, less than an inch away from her ear.

“Oh, you’ve never heard of that word before, have you?.”

As Eve shook her head, the tip of the Serpent’s tail moved through her hair. Wrapping his tail around her, the serpent moved his head forwards, his mouth now an inch from hers.

“Why, plotting deals with secret plans, my dear, plans designed to…make things more interesting. It makes for great sport.”

“Wow! It sounds fun. Can you teach us?” Eve said, her voice enthusiastic as she nodded to Adam, who was oblivious to their conversation. The serpent laughed.

“Unbelievable. Yahweh…makes such funny creatures. My, of course I will teach you both.”

“When? Tonight?” Eve said.

“Soon.”

“What is the secret plan that you’ve been plot…plotting?”

The serpent laughed again.

“I can’t tell you, child. It’s a secret, for now.”

“Can you at least give me a hint?”

An eastern gust blew into the garden. Both Eve and the serpent turned to the tree, hearing its leaves speak. While Eve winced, the serpent smiled and closed his eyes, the voice of future human miseries making his body warm. Opening his eyes, he looked at one of the tree’s fruits.  

“Well…let’s just say that you’ll play an important part in it…”

#

The serpent is the original bad boy of the Bible, a critter that’s partially responsible for all the miseries and sins of the world. Though Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and thus brought spiritual death into the world, they wouldn’t have done so if the serpent hadn’t tempted Eve. Indeed, when God questioned Adam about eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, he pointed the finger at Eve, who in turn pointed the finger at the Serpent (Genesis 3:1113)- who, of course, didn’t have a leg to stand on.

I know, it’s an old joke, but still a good one.

Incidentally, the serpent was the first judged by God after Eve spilled the beans. Eve was then judged, then Adam (Genesis 3:11-19). This makes an inverted parallel with was we see in Genesis 3:11-13.

Nevertheless, the sin of the serpent was of a far different nature than those of Adam and Eve: While Adam and Eve fell due to temptation, the serpent fell due to malicious intent. He had intended to tempt Adam and Eve, plotting both their spiritual downfall and the sorrow to follow. This makes his actions far more evil. Unlike Adam and Eve, he had planned his sin. Adam and Eve fell into the temptation of the moment, while the serpent had mentally worked his sin out. Is it really any wonder that, during the Second Temple Period (538 BC to 70 AD), Jews identified the serpent with the Devil? Indeed, even the first people who heard the story being read from the Torah, around the time of Moses (about 1400 BC), would have considered the serpent as more than just an animal: snakes don’t talk, let alone plot the spiritual downfall of mankind. And since when do animals get judged by God for sins, when they are not even born with a sinful nature, don’t know the concept of right and wrong, and just flat out are incapable of sin? How could the serpent sin when all other animals are incapable of it? Along with this, snakes have no limbs, and yet this one is punished by, among other things, being forced to crawl on its belly (Genesis 3:14). This seems to indicate that the serpent once had limbs. Josephus, the ancient Jewish Historian, stated that the serpent had feet, and that he was deprived of their use (possibly meaning that he lost them), and thus why he had to crawl on the ground from then on (See Josephus’ “Antiquities of the Jews”, 1.4.50 (Curiously,  Najash rionegrina, a prehistoric snake that lived 95 million years ago, had both hips and functioning hind legs. It was named after the Hebrew name for the Edenic Serpent (Nahash in Hebrew) due to the fact that it seemingly also had limbs. Several other prehistoric snakes likewise had limbs, but unlike others of its time, Najash lived on land).

Let’s face it: the Serpent of Eden was no mere snake. Indeed, the fact that it’s called “The Serpent” may indicate that it is The Serpent, the Serpent par-excellence, indicating that it is in some way unique among snakes.

In what way would it be unique? Is it just the fact that it could talk, that it had at least human intelligence and that it seemingly had limbs?

Or it is because its supernatural?

Both Revelation 12:9 and 20:2 spills the beans on who, and what, the Serpent really was:

“And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.” Revelation 12:9 (Emphasis mine).

“And he seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil and Satan, and bound him for a thousand years,” Revelation 20:2 (emphasis mine).

So, biblically speaking, the case is closed: the Serpent of Eden was actually…the Devil himself! 

Keep in mind, this interpretation has backing from extra-biblical Jewish religious texts of the Second Temple Period (538 BC-AD 70).

However, skeptics of the Bible (in particular skeptics of Christian interpretation of the Bible) will say “Not so fast! The context of Genesis 2 and 3 indicates that the Serpent is actually an animal, albeit a very unusual animal, and thus the New Testament is wrong!”

Why do they say this?

First, let’s look at Genesis 2:18-20:

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” (emphasis mine).

Next, let’s look at Genesis 3:1:

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” (Emphasis mine)

Now let’s look at Genesis 3:14-15:

“The Lord God said to the serpent,

 “Because you have done this,

cursed are you above all livestock

   and above all beasts of the field;

on your belly you shall go,

   and dust you shall eat

   all the days of your life.

15 I will put enmity between you and the woman,

   and between your offspring[a] and her offspring;

he shall bruise your head,

   and you shall bruise his heel.” (emphasis mine)

In these passages, the Serpent is classed alongside the animals of the Garden, specifically in the “Beast of the Field” category. Given the context, it seems, at first glance, highly unlikely that the Serpent was originally intended to be seen as a spirit entity, let alone the Devil.

Thus, skeptics argue, the New Testament is wrong, therefore the Christian Bible is wrong, nah nah nah!

But…is it?

Um…NO, and here is why:

 1. THE EDENIC SIDEWINDER…

Many people in the world, including many, if not most, Christians, have the mistaken belief that only the New Testament identifies the Serpent as supernatural. However, the Old Testament likewise indicates that its supernatural. For starters, as previously mentioned, the serpent talks, which immediately indicates that something is not kosher in Denmark. The fact that it was seducing Eve to eat of the fruit, knowing that it would lead to her ruin and the fall of humanity, is another indicator that this is not some regular critter of the animal kingdom. However, there are other signs in the passage that shows that the Serpent is truly supernatural, signs that are lost in translation.

The Biblical Hebrew word for Serpent is “Nahash”. Nahash does indeed mean serpent, but it can all be used as the root word for both divination and deception (The Serpent is deceiving Eve…). It can also mean “The Shining One”. This latter point is interesting, considering that not only can snake scales shine in sunlight, but that supernatural beings, including Jesus, are at times depicted as radiating light (Exodus 13:21-22, 19:18, 24:17, 40:34-38, Isaiah 14:12 (remember this passage later), Ezekiel 1:7, Daniel 10:6, Habakkuk 3:3-4, Matthew 17:1-8, Luke 2:9-10, Acts 12:7, 26:13-15, Revelation 10:1, 18:1-2, 21:23-25, etc). Nahash is not simply meant to convey “serpent” here. In this passage, It’s a triple Entrende, conveying three meanings. It’s a deceiving serpent who happens to glow or shine.

Now, this sounds like a pretty freaky snake to a modern reader. However, it must be remembered that the Bible wasn’t written in the modern world, let alone the modern west. Instead, it was written in the ancient near east, and people from that time period would catch things in the scripture that most modern people would not. Indeed, when an ancient Israelite read this passage, a regular garden variety snake would not come to their mind.

A Seraphim, however, would.

Seraphim angels are among the most impressive supernatural beings found in scripture. In Isaiah chapter 6:1-13, Isaiah has a vision where he sees both God and several Seraphim. Each Seraphim angel had 6 wings and, seemingly at first glance, an otherwise human appearance, with hands and feet (Isaiah 6:2, 6). At first, these seems like a juiced-up version of the kind of angel we usually have in mind, human-like save for wings (in this case, 6 instead of the usual 2 that we normally think of).

However, these angels are even more remarkable when we consider the original Hebrew. The Hebrew word “Seraph” aka “saraf” (the singular form of “Seraphim”) means “He/it burns”, which brings to mind an angel that is radiating fire (which fits with other passages where supernatural being emit light). However, Seraph also means (drum roll)…

…snake.

Repeat: SNAKE!

Thus, the plural “Seraphim” can mean: SNAKES!

Something tells the that Indiana Jones wouldn’t like Heaven much… 

Oh, by the way: we actually have several ancient Israelite depictions of Seraphim, two of which depict scenes that are strikingly similar to what Isaiah describes in the sixth chapter of his book. One of these latter two was owned by Ashna, who was a courtier for King Ahaz of Judah. Isaiah actually prophesied to this king (Isaiah 7), and had close connections to his court (Isaiah 7-9). Now, keep in mind, Jerusalem during this period was a bit small. Perhaps not Martindale Texas small, but…small. And, funny thing, when it comes to small towns…everybody often knows everybody. They’re like the bar in the TV show “Cheers”: its “where everybody knows your name”. When you combine this with the fact that both Isaiah and Ashna knew the king, that Isaiah had connections with the king’s court, and that Ashna was a courtier…well, one can conclude that these two historical figures had met each other.

Why is all of this important?

Well, because the Seraphim are not depicted in any of these ancient artworks as winged humans.

They’re depicted as snakes.

In the vast majority of cases, winged snakes.

Now, this is striking on so many levels. I mean, angels appearing as…flying snakes? Makes one look at God’s throne room in a far different light! But what’s also striking is the fact that the Bible actually mentions flying snakes elsewhere. Indeed, it mentions fiery flying snakes (Isaiah 14:29, 30:6), something that some bible translations mistakenly don’t convey properly or, in some cases, get it 100% wrong (translations like the Amplified Version and the ESV have the correct rendering).

And what word do these passages use for “serpent”?

Seraph.

Now, remember, Seraph means both “snake” and “he/it burns”. Just as “Serpent” in Genesis 3 has three meanings, Seraphim has a dual meaning in Isaiah 6, conveying both fire and snake. Now, why are these two connected? Why would snakes and fire be associated with each other? Well, some snake venom (such as that of a cobra), can cause a “burning” sensation. Thus, it would make sense for Seraphim, which were depicted as serpentine, to likewise be associated with fire.

Curiously, Ashna’s depiction of Seraphim lack wings. This is at odds with most depictions, including another that, like Ashna’s, bears similarities with the vision in Isaiah 6. However, there is something else that’s curious about Ashna’s Seraphim. If you look at them closely, the area between their heads and lower bodies are very wide, wider than the rest of their bodies. Its almost as if this section of their bodies are…expanding.

Sounds so familiar…

As I mentioned earlier, cobra’s have a “fiery” venom. They also have skin flanges that can expand, making it look larger than it actually is. True, Cobras don’t have wings, but the things is, in the ancient world, a cobra’s skin flanges were called…wings.

Could this have been what Isaiah saw in his vision? Supernatural beings that took the form of flying cobras, each bearing six skin flanges, as well as hands and feet (perhaps even limbs)? Or did Ashna, upon hearing or reading this prophecy, take artistic license and depict the seraphim as supernatural cobras? Its interesting to note that the biblical seraphim share many similarities with the Uraeus Serpent of Egyptian myth. This mythic cobra war originally an eye of Ra. Ra took this eye out of his head and turned it into a goddess. Later, he put it on his crown and turned it into a cobra (which had characteristics of two real life cobra species). Though this cobra symbolized the goddess Wadjet (as well as kingship), both Sekhmet and Hathor were manifestations of this entity. Pharaohs had this serpent depicted on their crowns, and for good reason: Wadjet was a divine bodyguard of pharaohs, spitting fire at those that threatened them. This belief was held during the time when Pharaohs were thought to be manifestations of the God Ra. Thus, the Uraeus was also Ra’s protector. Now, this doesn’t mean that the Seraphim are purely imaginary beings inspired by the myth of the Uraeus. However, this Egyptian connection reveals the ancient near eastern historical and cultural context of the Isaiah Seraphim passages. The original readers and hearers of Isaiah chapter 6 would have seen these angels as serpentine throne guardians. Though God himself doesn’t actually need guards, he also doesn’t need humans to spread the gospel either, yet he uses them to do so.

The connection between serpents and the supernatural (including Seraphim) was noted in extra-biblical literature as well. In 1 Enoch, the terms “serpents” and “Seraphim” are used interchangeably. Likewise, The Visions of Amram, an ancient Aramaic text, describes a vision where the Prince of Darkness (i.e. Satan) appears…in serpentine form.

Cue Twilight Zone Music!

But what other evidence is there to show that the Serpent in the Garden was supernatural? What evidence actually links it to the Devil?

Read on…

 2. THE DEVIL YOU KNOW…

There are two passages in the Old Testament that have interesting parallels with both the story of the Serpent and the Serpentine Seraphim of Isaiah, passages that are, to this day, thought by some to describe the Devil himself.

Ezekiel 28:1-19, and Isaiah 14:3-23.

At first glance, these passages seem to be about God passing judgment on a prince of Tyre and a Babylon king, respectively. And, to be fair, this is true, but…both passages are borrowing imagery from a far older tale, a tale about a fallen supernatural being, in order to do so.

First, let’s look at Isaiah 14:3-23:

“When the Lord has given you rest from your pain and turmoil and the hard service with which you were made to serve, you will take up this taunt against the king of Babylon:

 “How the oppressor has ceased,

   the insolent fury ceased!

The Lord has broken the staff of the wicked,

   the scepter of rulers,

that struck the peoples in wrath

   with unceasing blows,

that ruled the nations in anger

   with unrelenting persecution.

The whole earth is at rest and quiet;

   they break forth into singing.

The cypresses rejoice at you,

   the cedars of Lebanon, saying,

‘Since you were laid low,

   no woodcutter comes up against us.’

Sheol beneath is stirred up

   to meet you when you come;

it rouses the shades to greet you,

   all who were leaders of the earth;

it raises from their thrones

   all who were kings of the nations.

All of them will answer

   and say to you:

‘You too have become as weak as we!

   You have become like us!’

Your pomp is brought down to Sheol,

   the sound of your harps;

maggots are laid as a bed beneath you,

   and worms are your covers.

 “How you are fallen from heaven,

   O Day Star, son of Dawn!

How you are cut down to the ground,

   you who laid the nations low!

You said in your heart,

   ‘I will ascend to heaven;

above the stars of God

   I will set my throne on high;

I will sit on the mount of assembly

   in the far reaches of the north;

I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;

   I will make myself like the Most High.’

But you are brought down to Sheol,

   to the far reaches of the pit.

Those who see you will stare at you

   and ponder over you:

‘Is this the man who made the earth tremble,

   who shook kingdoms,

who made the world like a desert

   and overthrew its cities,

   who did not let his prisoners go home?’

All the kings of the nations lie in glory,

   each in his own tomb;[c]

but you are cast out, away from your grave,

   like a loathed branch,

clothed with the slain, those pierced by the sword,

   who go down to the stones of the pit,

   like a dead body trampled underfoot.

You will not be joined with them in burial,

   because you have destroyed your land,

   you have slain your people.

 “May the offspring of evildoers

   nevermore be named!

Prepare slaughter for his sons

   because of the guilt of their fathers,

lest they rise and possess the earth,

   and fill the face of the world with cities.”

  “I will rise up against them,” declares the Lord of hosts, “and will cut off from Babylon name and remnant, descendants and posterity,” declares the Lord. “And I will make it a possession of the hedgehog, and pools of water, and I will sweep it with the broom of destruction,” declares the Lord of hosts.”

You’ll notice that the being that the King of Babylon is being compared to is called “Daystar” in verse 12 (“Lucifer” in the King James Version). This is indicative of light, of radiating light or glowing, just like many other supernatural beings in scripture. Keep this in mind as we now look at Ezekiel 28:1-19:

“The word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, say to the prince of Tyre, Thus says the Lord God:

 “Because your heart is proud,

   and you have said, ‘I am a god,

I sit in the seat of the gods,

   in the heart of the seas,’

yet you are but a man, and no god,

   though you make your heart like the heart of a god—

you are indeed wiser than Daniel;

   no secret is hidden from you;

by your wisdom and your understanding

   you have made wealth for yourself,

and have gathered gold and silver

   into your treasuries;

by your great wisdom in your trade

   you have increased your wealth,

   and your heart has become proud in your wealth—

therefore thus says the Lord God:

Because you make your heart

   like the heart of a god,

therefore, behold, I will bring foreigners upon you,

   the most ruthless of the nations;

and they shall draw their swords against the beauty of your wisdom

   and defile your splendor.

They shall thrust you down into the pit,

   and you shall die the death of the slain

   in the heart of the seas.

Will you still say, ‘I am a god,’

   in the presence of those who kill you,

though you are but a man, and no god,

   in the hands of those who slay you?

You shall die the death of the uncircumcised

   by the hand of foreigners;

   for I have spoken, declares the Lord God.”

 A Lament over the King of Tyre

Moreover, the word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, raise a lamentation over the king of Tyre, and say to him, Thus says the Lord God:

 “You were the signet of perfection,

   full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.

You were in Eden, the garden of God;

   every precious stone was your covering,

sardius, topaz, and diamond,

   beryl, onyx, and jasper,

sapphire, emerald, and carbuncle;

   and crafted in gold were your settings

   and your engravings.

On the day that you were created

   they were prepared.

You were an anointed guardian cherub.

   I placed you; you were on the holy mountain of God;

   in the midst of the stones of fire you walked.

You were blameless in your ways

   from the day you were created,

   till unrighteousness was found in you.

In the abundance of your trade

   you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned;

so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God,

   and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub,

   from the midst of the stones of fire.

Your heart was proud because of your beauty;

   you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor.

I cast you to the ground;

   I exposed you before kings,

   to feast their eyes on you.

By the multitude of your iniquities,

   in the unrighteousness of your trade

   you profaned your sanctuaries;

so I brought fire out from your midst;

   it consumed you,

and I turned you to ashes on the earth

   in the sight of all who saw you.

All who know you among the peoples

   are appalled at you;

you have come to a dreadful end

   and shall be no more forever.”

Now, both of these passages in Isaiah and Ezekiel are obviously using the story of a fallen supernatural being to describe royals who sinned against God. Indeed, in Ezekiel’s passage, the Prince of Tyre is compared to a cherub, and Cherubim were supernatural entities (more on them later). Now, many bible scholars try to pass these two passages off as Adam himself, but…he just doesn’t fit with them. Among other things, Adam was a mortal man, not a Cherubim, and his job in the garden entailed keeping said garden, not acting as a divine throne guardian. Though he was tempted to eat the forbidden fruit, in order to become like “gods” (Hebrew Elohim, generally meaning a being from the spirit realm), knowing good and evil, he didn’t want to become higher than the stars of God (the Lord’s divine council). The passages fit better with a supernatural being instead of Adam.

But what kind of being was it?

Recall that Ezekiel 28:14 states that the being it is discussing is a cherub. Many people think of Cherubs or Cherubim as little babies or toddlers with wings, similar to depictions of the Roman God Cupid. However, the Biblical cherubim were anything but winged toddlers. Indeed, they not only pulled God’s chariot and guarded the Tree of Life, they were also divine throne guardians, creatures of vast power that were depicted in hybrid forms. The “living creatures” of Ezekiel 1 (Identified as Cherubim in Ezekiel 10:15) each had four faces (human, eagle, bull and lion), four wings, calves’ hooves for feet, and human hands under their wings (Ezekiel 1:1-14). In Ezekiel 10:14, the face of a bull is replaced with the face of a “Cherub”, perhaps implying that one of its faces was actually four faces in and of itself, human, bull, lion and eagle. Pagans in the ancient near east likewise knew of the Cherubim (Kuribu, an Akkadian word for throne guardian, is the source of the Hebrew word for Cherub), and they depicted them in various hybrid forms.

And…what was one of those forms?

A snake dragon.

Now, despite this similarity, there seems to be a problem: Ezekiel 28:14 states that this rebel being is a Cherubim, not a Seraphim. These are two kinds of angelic beings, right? They can’t actually be the same thing, right?

Wrong!

While Seraphims are a kind of angel, “Cherubim” represents a job that an angel can have. Its not indicative of a kind of a supernatural being, only a role that a supernatural being can attain. One might compare the position of Cherubim to that of a palace guard or secret service agent. Thus, the occupation was open to all kinds of angelic beings, including…Seraphim, which share serpentine imagery with some depictions of Cherubim.

The serpent imagery grows even stronger when we consider Ezekiel 28:12:

“Son of man, raise a lamentation over the king of Tyre, and say to him, Thus says the Lord GOD: “You were the signet of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.”

This passage has been…a bit of a pain in the butt to translate. The focus of this academic frustration is the term “signet of perfection” (in some translations “seal of perfection”). The Hebrew word used here for “signet” or “seal” (Chatham or Hotem)is…a bit of an odd fit in the passage. However, this conundrum could be solved if the last letter in this word, the Hebrew equivalent of an “m”…is silent. This actually occurs on rare occasions in ancient Semitic texts, with a “m” at the end of a word being rendered a silent letter. This doesn’t happen most of the time when an m is at the end of a word, but it was occasionally so. If this is what is intended in Ezekiel 28:12, if the last letter of hotem is meant to be silent…then the word takes on a far different meaning. You see, if the M is silent, then the word changes to “hwt”, which doesn’t mean “signet” or “seal”.  

It means…snake.

Indeed, its another Hebrew word for snake.

Though we cannot prove with certainty that the “m” at the end of Hotem in this passage is meant to be silent, such a rendering would cure the headaches that this passage causes translators (as well as better fit the Edenic imagery in the passage). It would fix all the issues.

Interesting stuff for sure, but…are we really sure that the fallen rebel of Ezekiel 28 is the same as the fallen rebel of Isaiah 14? Can we really be sure that both have a connection to the Serpent in the Garden of Eden?

Well, let’s look at how these passages (along with Isaiah 6) compare:

1. All four chapters are in a Divine Council setting (Eden was thought to be a place where the Divine Council, composed of God and some angelic beings, were thought to meet).

2. All have inhuman intelligent beings talking.

3. While the Serpent is called “crafty” in Genesis 3:1, the Cherub in Ezekiel 28 is called “wise” (verse 12. Serpents were symbolic of wisdom in the ancient world (Matthew 10:16).

4. The Seraphim in Isaiah 6 are depicted as “fiery” (possibly indicating radiance). The Serpent is “The Shining One”. The rebel being in Isaiah 14 is called “Day-star” and “son of Dawn (verse 12), both of which connote shining light. The rebel in Ezekiel 28 is said to be covered in multiple precious stones (which of course shine. These could also be metaphorical for scales).

5. Ezekiel 28:13-14 identifies the Garden of Eden with a Mountain. This fits the ancient near eastern context; in that age and region, gods were thought to live in either gardens or mountains. The rebel in Isaiah 14 talks about sitting on the “mount of assembly” in the far north (Isaiah 14:13). Eden was thought to have been where the Divine Council met on Earth.

6. The Rebel in Ezekiel 28 was brought to the ground and turned to ashes on the earth (verses 17-18. Keep in mind, the Hebrew word for ground here, “eres” can also mean Sheol, the Hebrew Underworld, which was thought to be below ground). The Rebel in Isaiah 14 was sent down to Sheol (verse 15). Isaiah 26:19 refers to the spirits of the dead as “dwelling in dust”. Job 17:16 likewise links Sheol and dust. Keep in mind, dust and ashes have some morphological similarities. Also keep in mind that ashes are of course linked with fire (the fiery nature of the Seraphim comes to mind). The Serpent in Eden was made to crawl on its belly (thus cast to Earth, which can also denote Sheol), and eat dust (dust was thought to have been cuisine for the spirits of the dead in the Underworld, as seen in the Epic of Gilgamesh).

7. Both the rebels in Ezekiel 28 and Isaiah 14 are noted for their pride, which came before their fall (Ezekiel 28:1, 17, Isaiah 14:13-16).

8. The Serpent, as well as the rebels of Ezekiel 28 and Isaiah 14, were humiliated (Perhaps, in the Serpent’s case, in more ways than one. Keep reading…).

Now, if anyone has read my anti-Jesus Mythicist articles, you’ll know that I often say that parallels, in and of themselves, are not indicative of one story or text borrowing from another. This is true, but in this case, we have evidence that both Ezekiel and Isaiah were writing down prophecies that drew imagery from the story of the Garden of Eden (Ezekiel 28:13 even mentions Eden!!!). The same Hebraic culture that gave us the story of the Serpent in Genesis also gave us the prophecies of Ezekiel 28 and Isaiah 14, and when we see these multiple connections with four passages (including serpentine imagery), along with their ancient near eastern historical and cultural background, we can conclude that the prophecies of Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28 are not only about the same fallen rebel being, but that both are harkening back to the story of the Garden of Eden, to a supernatural rebel that fell.

The only being that fits such a bill in the Genesis account…is the serpent.

Combined with evidence from the New Testament, second temple Jewish texts, and ancient depictions of Cherubim and Seraphim…we can finally understand the Satanic candidacy for the identity of the Serpent of Eden.

But, given this is the case, how can this be reconciled with passages like Genesis 2:19, 3:1 and 3:14, which together seem to indicate that the Serpent is an animal?

Read on…

 3. SUPERNATURAL...OR NATURAL?

One way people have tried to reconcile these two factors is by stating that the serpent was a real snake that was possessed by Satan. However, whenever Jesus encountered people that were possessed, he didn’t rebuke the person who was possessed; he rebuked the demons who were within the person (Mark 5:1-20, Luke 4:33-36, 9:37-43, etc). Why would God judge a snake, instead of the demon that possessed it? Others may say that it was a real (albeit HIGHLY unusual) snake that, like Judas, was influenced by the Devil to carry out his deed. The Bible states that Satan “entered” Judas (Luke 22:3, John 13:27). This need not be interpreted as literally demonic possession. Instead, it could be figurative, the Devil influencing Judas to betray Christ (Jesus already noted that Judas as “a devil” (John 6:70-71). Indeed, before the Devil had “entered” Judas, he had put the idea of betraying Christ in Judas’ heart (John 13:2, compare a similar passage about Ananias in Acts 5:3). Thus, Satan was encouraging, tempting Judas to take the bait, and at one moment during the last supper…he gave in to the Devil’s prodding. Likewise, the Serpent, according to this idea, likewise gave in to temptation. Indeed, one could imagine the Devil making him talk the way God made Balaam’s Donkey talk (Numbers 22:22-30). He could potentially do this without possessing the serpent, just as God made Balaam’s donkey talk without possessing him. However, Revelation 12:9 states that the Serpent WAS Satan, not simply a serpent that Satan empowered. Now, if one wants to argue that Judas was indeed possessed by Satan when the scripture states that he entered him, then one could argue that, while Judas was already committed to carrying out his deed, Satan later possessed him to join in on the “fun”. Is this what happened to the Serpent? Had he already decided to deceive Eve, only for Satan to later literally enter him, joining in the effort? Could both theories, in this regard, be true?

Well, if so, then we have to explain how a snake would have the intelligence to think such a course through, and how it could actually talk (Eve obviously wasn’t shocked that it could, implying that she had heard it talk before). Even if Satan had possessed the serpent before, making it talk to the point where Eve didn’t find it shocking, this wouldn’t explain the serpent plotting Adam and Eve’s ultimate demise before Satan entered him (remember, Judas plotted his betrayal of Christ before Satan entered him). This implies a superb intelligence that was in the serpent before this possession could happen. Thus, in order for this idea to work, we may have to invoke the existence of a cryptoterrestrial, an inhuman intelligent lifeform native to Earth. The late Mac Tonnies, an author and blogger, wrote about the subject in his book “The cryptoterrestrials: A Meditation on Indigenous Humanoids and the Aliens Among Us”.

 In it, he argued that supposed Extraterrestrials (like Greys and other aliens supposedly encountered by eyewitnesses) were not from other planets, but from Earth. In his view, such creatures would be non-human sentient species native to our own world. This concept is not really new, with many stories in folklore and myth telling about physical, intelligent creatures that are inhuman (such as cyclops, centaurs, trolls, dwarves, etc). Most, if not all fantasy books, and most Fantasy films, such as the Lord of the Rings trilogy, has the same basic concept (orcs, elves, hobbits, Ents, etc, all non-human intelligent species).

So…are we really going with the cryptoterrestrial hypothesis? Was there a species of sentient snake in the ancient world? Is it still around today, lurking in the shadows, undetected by modern science? It sounds like something out of a science fiction novel! I mean, can we get any weirder here?

Actually…we can!

You see, we could also perhaps invoke the idea that the serpent was a genetic mutant, a freak who was born with both an unusual brain and advanced vocal cords that enabled speech. Or we could invoke that God made a single snake with these features in the Garden.

However, I don’t think we don’t necessarily need to invoke mutants and cryptoterrestrials to figure out what the Serpent was.

We can simply use metaphor to do that.

Ben Stanhope, a biblical scholar, has stated that a double meaning is in view in the story of the serpent. Wordplay, rhetorical parallels and metaphor is in use, a “flesh and blood snake” being paralleled with the tempter’s (originally) noble, yet serpentine, nature.  Thus, we shouldn’t interpret the passage literally as referring to a flesh and blood snake. The context thus cannot be used to argue for the Serpent to be a flesh and blood animal.

This not only solves the issues with Revelation 12:9, it also solves the issue of Genesis 2:19, where it talks of animals being made out of the ground, harkening back to Genesis 1:24-25 (it would be highly unlikely for all the animals in the garden to actually be angels in disguise. Indeed, at least some angels were created before the creation week of Genesis 1 began (compare Genesis 1:1-2 with Job 38:4-11, note especially verses 8-11). Indeed, being made from the ground or dust can convey mortality, thus being made out of the mortal world or realm, something with doesn’t jive with supernatural beings who live forever.

However, there is another, intriguing way that the supernatural interpretation of the Serpent with Genesis 2:19 can be reconciled, a way that could shed light on the Serpent’s motivation.

Keep reading…

 4. THE OAKS OF MAMRE.

Although God is spirit (John 4:24), and although angels are spirits, there are at times in the Bible where both appear in physical form. God and two of his angels met up with Abraham near the Oaks of Mamre (Genesis 18:1-2). When Abraham saw them, he immediately knew that one of them was God, laying in prostrate and praying to him (Genesis 18:2-3). God and his angels enjoyed Abraham’s hospitality, who gave them bread, beef, curds, milk and water, the latter to wash their feet with (Genesis 18:4-8).

Now…did you catch something funny going on here?

God, and two angels…are not only eating and drinking…they are washing their own feet.

How can spirits eat?

How can they wash their feet, when they are pure spirit beings, not physical?

Course, God, being omnipotent, could do these things, as well as enable lesser spirits to do them, but, keep in mind, one reason why Jesus ate in front of his disciples after the resurrection is to prove that he wasn’t a spirit (Luke 24:36-43). Indeed, one way God could enable spirits to eat and wash their feet is if he created temporary bodies for them to inhabit.

Later, the two angels went to Sodom, where Lot showed them hospitality as well, and once again they…ate (Genesis 19:3). Indeed, they seem to have physical hands, which they used to grab and pull Lot inside his home as an angry crowd stood outside, wanting to rape the angels (Genesis 19:4-10). Later, they use these same hands to drag Lot, his wife and their two daughters out of Sodom (Genesis 19:15-16).

There were other episodes in the Old Testament were God himself took on a physical form. He appeared to Minoah and his wife, the parents of Samson, before the latter was even conceived (Judges 13). Likewise, he wrestled with Jacob in Genesis 32:22-30. We know that the being that Jacob wrestled with was God because of what Jacob said in verse 30:

“So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.”

Now, at first, this seems to contradict Hosea 12:4, which states that Jacob wrestled an angel. However, the “angel” in Hosea 12:4 is no mere angel, but a mysterious being known in other parts of the bible as the “Angel of the Lord”. While the term can refer to a regular angel, it also can refer to God in physical form. In the story of Minoah, the Angel of the Lord was the one who visited them. After Minoah made a burnt offering, their unusual guest rose up into the flames (Judges 13:20).

We read something very startling in verses 21-23:

“The angel of the Lord appeared no more to Manoah and to his wife. Then Manoah knew that he was the angel of the Lord. And Manoah said to his wife, “We shall surely die, for we have seen God.” But his wife said to him, “If the Lord had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and a grain offering at our hands, or shown us all these things, or now announced to us such things as these.” (emphasis mine).

Now, compare this to Jacob, who called the site of his wrestling match with God “Peniel”, for he had seen the face of God…and lived. God told Moses that none could see his face and live (33:20), but that seemingly meant seeing the full spiritual face of God, not the face of a human body that God made to walk among men in.

Kind of makes you think about Jesus, how he was God in the flesh, and none died seeing his face…

…Um…you connecting the dots here…?

Oh, and by the way: remember that passage in Hosea 12:4? The context of that passage is very enlightening:

“The LORD has an indictment against Judah and will punish Jacob according to his ways; he will repay him according to his deeds. In the womb he took his brother by the heel, and in his manhood he strove with God.” (Emphasis mine).

He strove with God…in his manhood?

Just like it says in Genesis 32:30?

Get out of town!

Thus, God took on human form now and again in the Old Testament. Case closed, no problem.

However, when it comes to angels taking on physical bodies…some see a problem.

Remember when I mentioned Jesus eating fish before his disciples, so that they could believe? He also told them to touch and feel his resurrected body, noting that spirits don’t have flesh and bones (verse 39). To be fair, the disciples thought that they were seeing a ghost, not an angel, but along with this, Jesus ate a fish, to further show that he wasn’t a spirit.

Angels, in the stories of Sodom and the Oaks of Mamre, could eat. They appeared in physical form…

Thus, this opens up the door to the accusation that Jesus wasn’t really before the disciples, but a demon in disguise who was trying to lead them astray. If all angels, including demons, can make and inhabit a physical body, then the proofs Jesus made for his resurrection, that he himself has risen from the dead…mean nothing.

However, this is not an issue if we not only consider that only God and God alone is the creator (angels can’t create living tissue. None are gods, let alone creator gods), but that God can create bodies for angels to inhabit. Angels can’t do it on their own; they need God to make the bodies for them. And why would God do demons any favors by making bodies for them? Thus, there is no conflict between stories of angels in human bodies in Genesis, and Jesus saying in the Gospel of Luke that spirits don’t have flesh and blood bodies.

So, if a spirit wants to take on physical form, they have two choices:

1. Possess people (Without God’s aid to make a body for them, how else would demons take physical shape?).

2. Have a body created by God.

And if God can create human bodies for angels to inhabit…why couldn’t he make animal bodies for them to inhabit?

Recall how Seraphim and Cherubim took on hybrid forms? Though they merely appeared as such while in supernatural form, is it too much of a stretch of the imagination that God might, if he desired, give them animal bodies to inhabit? Perhaps even hybrid bodies?

Could the Devil, before the Fall, have been given a physical body by God to inhabit?

A…serpent’s body?

And if so…for what reason?

Perhaps…punishment for sinful pride.

Recall that in both Ezekiel 28 and Isaiah 14, Satan’s pride is noted. Let’s look closely at the verses that mention this:

“Son of man, say to the prince of Tyre, Thus says the Lord GOD: “Because your heart is proud, and you have said, ‘I am a god, I sit in the seat of the gods, in the heart of the seas,’ yet you are but a man, and no god, though you make your heart like the heart of a god” Ezekiel 28:2 (remember, the prince of Tyre is being described in the imagery of Satan’s fall).

“Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you.” Ezekiel 28:17

“You said in your heart,

   ‘I will ascend to heaven;

above the stars of God

   I will set my throne on high;

I will sit on the mount of assembly

   in the far reaches of the north;

14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;

   I will make myself like the Most High.” Isaiah 14:13-14

In the latter passage, Satan wanted to be above the “stars of God” (angels were at times called “stars” in the Bible (Revelation 12:3-4). He wanted a high throne, wanting to sit on the mount of assembly (the meeting place of the Divine Council, which at this time was in the Garden of Eden, located on a mountain). He also wanted to make himself like the “Most High”, like God himself. This indicates both unleashed pride and unrestricted ambition. He not only wanted on the divine council, he wanted to have equal standing with God. Now, surprisingly, I wouldn’t be shocked if God allowed Satan to work his way to the divine council, despite his sinful reasons for wanting on it. After all, Jesus allowed Judas into his movement, knowing that he was figuratively speaking “a devil” (John 6:70-71). Indeed, Judas, who was in charge of Jesus’ ministry money, would take some of that money for himself (John 12:6). Obvious Jesus, being omniscient, would have known this, but he’s not shown as confronting Judas about it. Still, Judas probably cringed every time Jesus brought up sin, both in sermons and in lessons to his disciples, feeling condemnation for his wickedness from the Son of God, who all-to-well knew of his dark secret. Likewise, I could see God not condemning Satan’s pride right off the bat, perhaps even allowing him to join the Divine Council despite his growing wicked nature. However…God very well could have eventually called him out on it, indeed perhaps punishing him for his sin.

And what better way to punish the pride of Lucifer…than making him inhabit the body of a lowly snake, one specifically created by God for him? 

Keep in mind, animals were brought before Adam, who named them (Genesis 2:19). If there is no metaphor in his description, then the Serpent would have had to be one of these animals. This is key to understanding his actions, for in the ancient world, if a person named someone or something, it indicated that he had ownership and rule over that person or thing. When Nebuchadnezzar first conquered Judah, (before he invaded a second time, destroying Jerusalem in 586 BC), he replaced King Jehoiachin with his uncle Mattaniah, renaming him Zedekiah (2 Kings 24:17). This implied that King “Zedekiah” was under the authority of King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon. It was a way to show who was really top dog. Zedekiah was a vassal king, Nebuchadnezzar was his emperor. Likewise, if Adam, a mortal man lower than the angels…had named the serpent, it would imply that he had dominion over the serpent, just as he had dominion over every other animal.

If this is what truly happened, then the serpent’s actions start to make sense. If Satan, a being that wanted to be on the Divine Council, who eventually got there, who wanted to be higher than all the other Bene Elohim, who wanted to be equal with God…was made lower than a flesh and blood human being, who had nowhere near as much power or intelligence as he did…well, of course that would tick him off! Have you ever had your parents tell you that you had to obey your younger sibling while doing a chore, as a punishment? My father did this to my older brother, putting me in charge of an errand we were doing at an apartments complex. I…didn’t take advantage of my newfound power, not wanting my older brother to later pound me into a pancake, so I did my best to be kind. Thankfully, my brother didn’t get irate with me despite my nice attitude over the situation, but he was still steaming over it.

Now imagine how Satan would feel, if he was suddenly not only in the body of an animal, but made subject to a mere man?

Indeed, there is evidence to show that humans were likewise supposed to have been a part of the Divine Council, which likewise would have potentially made Satan scoff. I could just imagine him complaining about this: “Humans, these weak, pitiful things, on OUR divine council? What is God thinking? What could they possibly bring to our highly intelligent discussions? What kind of input could they possibly give? Why, eventually, with humans eventually breeding in great numbers, there could be countless humans on our council, perhaps one day outnumbering us! This can’t be allowed to pass…”

This humiliation, combined with humans intended by God to sit on the divine council along with angelic beings, could have motivated the Serpent into action. His pride was hurt, and the council that he sat on was, possibly in his view, threatened by the addition of what the incredible Hulk would call, “puny humans”.

How could his pride be healed?

How could he get revenge, at both mankind and God?

How could he “save” his beloved Divine Council?

Simple: cause Adam and Eve to fall.

Thus, the motive for the Serpent’s actions become quite clear.  

Indeed, this may even partially explain the underworld imagery, with the serpent being cast to the earth (possibly underworld) and made to “eat dust”; instead of simply being removed from the snake body, perhaps God literally killed it, giving Satan not only the death of a “lowly” physical creature, but then sending him (for a time) into Sheol, the Underworld.

Now, I’m not saying that this is exactly what happened; I’m simply proposing a theory. Indeed, the other theory that the Serpent is being compared to earthly snakes, and being grouped in the animal kingdom, is metaphorical is a strong possibility. However, the idea that Satan was made a lowly serpent, one that was submissive to humans, creatures which God intended to join the Divine Council…happens to fit the facts like a glove. It is revelatory when it comes to the Serpent’s motives. It gives a criminal motive for him, indeed more than one. 

Nevertheless, whether one accepts that the language of Genesis 3 for the Serpent is metaphorical, or whether one accepts that Satan was made to inhabit a snake’s body, either way, the biblical, cultural and historical evidence all point to the same conclusion; the Serpent in the Garden was…indeed…the Devil.

Hence, why the first messianic prophecy is found in its story.

 5. THE WOMAN’S SEED…

The relationship between Eve and the Serpent is a very complicated one. Not only did the Serpent approach Eve instead of Adam (Genesis 3:1), but, when God later interrogated Adam and Eve, the latter was the one who put the partial blame on the Serpent, saying that the serpent deceived her (Genesis 3:13). God judged the Serpent, then Eve, then Adam (Genesis 3:14-19). As I mentioned this before, this created an inverted parallel, with Adam blaming Eve, Eve blaming the Serpent, and yet…God judges the Serpent first, then Eve, then Adam. Taken together, we see three parts of this passage where Eve and the Serpent are closely associated.

However, if you look more closely, you’ll see a fourth:

“I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” Genesis 3:15

This part of the Serpent’s sentence is very peculiar. Once again, he is paired with Eve, this time with a prophetic statement that shows that enmity will be not only between the Serpent and Eve, but between their offspring. When it comes to Satan, he has no biological offspring (unless he fathered some of the post-flood Nephilim without for some reason suffering the same fate as the angels who fathered them before the Flood (Compare Genesis 6:1-4 and Numbers 13:33. The angels who mated with mortal women and sired Nephilim offspring before the Flood are currently bound in chains in the Underworld, not free to roam like Lucifer (Jude 1:6, 1 Peter 3:19-20 (For more info on this, see sources section below on “the IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament”). However, humans who live lives of sin can be figuratively called Satan’s children (1 John 3:10), and, of course, demons who follow him could also be called, in this sense, his “offspring”. Thus, Eve’s “seed” isn’t just a reference to all mankind: it’s a reference to those who follow the Lord properly.

However, there is a deeper meaning here.

Did you notice that, though enmity will exist between the Serpent and Eve, and between his offspring and hers…that the Serpent himself will eventually clash with one of Eve’s offspring? Look at the passage again:

“I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” Genesis 3:15

This is indicative of a future conflict between the Serpent and one of Eve’s offspring. One would have expected the Serpent to be shown in conflict with Eve, with both being listed as ultimate ancestors of offspring right before the combat or dual language in the verse. And yet…one of Eve’s offspring, a male descendant, will engage in battle with the Serpent.

Who would this descendant be?

Who would clash with the Devil?

Which descendant of Eve was killed by the Devil’s schemes…only to defeat the Devil in return?

Hmmm…

As I mentioned earlier, Satan put the idea of betraying Jesus in Judas’ heart, only to later enter said heart, reinforcing his resolve (John 13:2, 27 (see also Luke 22:3). Satan had gotten the ball rolling when it came to Jesus’ execution. He had planned it, set it up, strategized it, somehow knowing that Jesus wouldn’t resist. We don’t know what Satan was thinking exactly, but he thought he was about to win some battle of revenge against almighty God, that he was going to somehow bring about God’s defeat. He wouldn’t have thought that he could overthrow God or replace him on his throne, becoming the new God, but he must have had an idea that somehow, his plan would give himself some kind of triumph over the lord.

He thought wrong.

“Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.” Hebrews 2:14-15

Before Christ’s death and resurrection, the Devil held sway over humanity. Satan had guaranteed spiritual death for Adam, Eve and their descendants, ending humanity’s untarnished relationship with God, end our chance at eternal life (Genesis 3:14-24). But Jesus’ death and resurrection ended his spiritual stranglehold on humanity. It was the greatest backfire in history. Jesus indicated that this was coming before he was crucified, stating that a judgment was coming, and that “…now will the ruler of this world be cast out.” (John 12:31). This was the reason that he had come into the world (1 John 3:8), not to condemn the world, but to save the world (John 3:17). Though Paul called Satan the god of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4), and though John stated that the whole world was under Satan’s power (1 John 5:19), anyone who accepts Jesus as Lord and Savior can leave his authority, becoming a child of God instead of a child of darkness (Acts 28:16). God has freed us from Satan’s kingdom, making us citizens of Jesus’ everlasting kingdom (Colossians 1:13).

Thus, Satan caused Christ’s death…which lead to Satan’s downfall. Though his kingdom on earth still exists, it crumbles more and more everyday as the gospel continues to spread, as more and more people accept Christ as Lord and savior. The moment a person accepts Jesus into their heart, they defeat the Devil through Christ. Just as Jesus crushed the Serpent’s head at the cross and the empty tomb, we likewise crush the Serpent’s head when we accept Jesus into our hearts and lives.

This brings us to the second meaning on Genesis 3:15.

Paul makes a reference to this passage in Romans 16:20, adding a bit of a twist to it:

“The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.”

By Jesus, we can defeat the Devil. Through Jesus, we can overcome the Prince of Darkness. Greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4). Though the final defeat of the Devil is in the future, whenever we accept Jesus as our lord and savior, we likewise crush the Serpent’s head. We succeed where Adam and Eve failed, courtesy of Christ. Though Jesus, we can overcome the Devil, we can overcome the world.

Through Jesus, we have victory.

Sources:

“Supernatural” by Michael S. Heiser, 35-41, 124-136, 147-55, 163-67

“The Unseen World” by Michael S. Heiser, 44-55, 73-109, 183-93, 221-228

“Demons” by Michael S. Heiser, 59-145, 175-94

“The Way to Eternity: Egyptian Myth” by Fergus Fleming and Alan Lothian (Consultant: Dr. Joann Fletcher), 28, 103

“The IVP Bible Background Commentary: Old Testament” by John H. Walton, Victor H. Matthews and Mark W. Chavalas, 32, 33 (compare latter with 411).

“The IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament” (Second edition), by Craig S. Keener, 694, 721

“The Hebrew Bible: A Translation With Commentary (Volume 2: the Prophets)” by Robert Alter,641, 671

“The New Strong’s Expanded Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible: Red Letter Edition” by James Strong LL.D S.T.D., and John R. Kohlenberger, III, 776 and 789 of the concordance, 101 and 292 of the Hebrew and Aramaic Dictionary

“Josephus: the Complete Works”, translated by William Whiston, A.M., 34-35

https://mfa.gov.il/mfa/aboutisrael/history/pages/history-%20the%20second%20temple.aspx

https://www.bibleodyssey.org/en/tools/timeline-gallery/s/second-temple-judaism

https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn9020-oldest-snake-fossil-shows-a-bit-of-leg/

https://www.ualberta.ca/folio/2019/11/commentary--extraordinary-skull-fossil-reveals-secrets-of-snake-evolution.html#:~:text=Fossil%20history,where%20the%20fossils%20were%20discovered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72T2bW8bkfA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BO13BSSjsYU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw2LCTQHMUI&t=880s

https://biblehub.com/isaiah/30-6.htm

https://biblehub.com/isaiah/14-29.htm

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4925324/

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S19

Lmao @ Shikamaru flirting with Temari before greeting the Kazekage #Priorities 

Why bother giving these kids the data from those chunin exams they were there they ARE the data

“You'd know more about the reason behind the interruption of the final rounds and its chronology” Shizune fucking calling out the Sand omg ‘remember when u tried to murder us? I do’

“She hasn't changed a bit” and u love her for it Shikamaru

Why is Kakashi even here lmao he doesn't have a team of Genin this time around it's just because he's competent and adorable I guess

The Team 7 outro I weep SP is really stabbing me in the heart

Fu is a handful and I love it

“You want to find some way to bond with the rebels?” historically that's actually worked out pretty well it seems

I'M SCREAMING ARE WE GONNA SEE SAKURA'S CHUNIN EXAM

“She just might be tougher than [Shikamaru]” Ino <3 Sakura 5ever

KAKASHI COME INSPIRE YOUR BABY GENIN SHE DESERVES THIS

I feel a little ripped off that Kakashi didn't get to be the Angel of Cheering People Up but I'm proud of Sakura either way and I am i n  l o v e with the idea of watching her Chunin exams

They were so excited to see Naruto it's a shame he's not real

This timeline where everyone takes the Chunin exams a year before Naruto comes back implies that there were at minimum 9 Leaf Chunin made in a single exam

It also puts very little distance between Neji making Chunin and Jonin but I guess to be fair Kakashi was made a jonin at 9

Hjghdskhfhlvhl Team Guy Dynamics:

Tenten: We're being split up?

Lee: We'll be on our own for this?

Neji: [already walking away]

SHIKAMARU INVIGILATES LIKE A SUPER VILLAIN WHAT A DRAMA HOE

“Thanks for having my back” Literally half of Shikamaru's screen time is flirting with Temari I love it

Neji why do you have to be so dramatic do you really need to use jutsu as visual aids in your explanations

THIS BITCH FIGHT BETWEEN NEJI AND THE SAND SHINOBI IS SO GREAT

Sand Siblings @ Gaara probably: Will you stop talking about Naruto for like ten fucking seconds

Neji stepping in to save his girl Tenten my heart

Fu is so cute omg “I want to make a hundred friends”

I'm willing to believe Neji can recognize a jinchuriki's chakra right away bc of his fight with Naruto

“Dwelling on the misfortunes of birth is meaningless” same Shira same

I have a hard time believing Sakura couldn't take down that scorpion without Fu but plot I guess

I CAN'T BELIEVE FU JUST ASKED THE KAZEKAGE TO TAKE A BATH WITH HER

“Gaara!” “Sorry, just thinking” Fuck how often does Temari have to shake Gaara out of thinking about Naruto lmao

Kiba has to spread his legs as widely as possible mid-air his philosophy is truly ‘Dicks out for Shinobi’

Ninja who are about to partake in infiltration, loudly: Scatter!

I also have a hard time believing that a Byakugan user of Neji's skill would be so easily taken in by genjutsu

Honestly Team Guy is prime OT3 material their teamwork is amazing and they lift each other up constantly  

This is the second time in this set of exams that Team Guy has helped not only their competitors but also ninja from a different village the Leaf truly raises their babies right

“I wanna know which one's more valuable to the village... is it the boulder or you?” Still working on the charisma thing huh Gaara

Every mission Team Guy goes on:

Tenten/Neji: Lee how about we think about this before we start-

Lee: JUMPING INTO ACTION

“Please apologize to him!” I adore Lee

I'M SCREAMING NEJI IMPLYING THAT HE IS RIVALS WITH NARUTO INSTEAD OF LEE HE'S TRYING TO BREAK UP THE BAND

‘Hey Shira what's your technique?’ ‘Breathing really hard’

“Two Heaven scrolls. When should I break it to them?” Further proof that Dad!Neji would be ridiculous he has trouble breaking bad news to friends let alone babies

Kiba @ Hinata: Pay! Attention! To! Me!

I fucking love how Kiba has no qualms about anything gross like biting a slimy guy ‘let me at him’, breathing into my dog's nose ‘of course’, running around covered in dog urine ‘just a Tuesday’

These episodes have reawakened the inner Kiba/Hinata shipper in me

“Forget I ever mentioned Naruto okay?” omg I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Kiba blush before but the second he was called out about Naruto there it is

“Their persistence is extraordinary” this is true about the entire village tbh 

It’s not fair of you to compare your shadow clone abilities to a boy with a chakra demon inside of him Kiba 

“I can tell just how hard Naruto trained out here” so what ur saying is that u smell Naruto’s sweat

Kiba’s sure ready to brag for someone whose plan was just playing dead

“It’s the fault of the whole team” I don’t remember this guy’s name but I have a feeling that if Minato were alive he’d love him

“No you’re wrong it was me” Ggfkjghdfkghkd Kiba pls why are you like this

“Be nice and give us your scroll” tru Shinobi of the Leaf 

The Look(TM) Neji gives Lee when he gets Tenten in a bad mood

TENTEN’S HONESTLY WATCHING NEJI FROM THE BUSHES WHILE HE TRAINS LIKE HE DOES NOT HAVE THE BYAKUGAN 

“We’re able to fight so aggressively because we know that you have our backs” Guy is such a supportive sensei 10/10 (no pun intended)

“How did they turn out anyway?” “I have my doubts about them” LEE PLS

Real talk does the Akatsuki not know that the person hosting these exams is a jinchuriki he is the Kazekage

“Hi there, are you guys cliff-climbing too? Hang in there” KAKASHI HATAKE WITH SHITTY TRAINING PUNS COMING 2 SAVE MY LIFE 

Honestly Guy is the only sensei who seems to train his own kunoichi directly because both Ino and Hinata have clan-based jutsu and all of Kakashi’s babies were taken in by the Sanin

“The great nations don’t understand pain” like half the Leaf Village is orphans what more do u want from them Ajisai

“The Hidden Rain will soon be reborn” “Does that mean you’re gonna be more friendly then?” suffice to say the answer was no

Love my Leaf boys who won’t let people from other villages be attacked in an unfair way even by their own fellow villagers

Lee realizing that trash-talking insects doesn’t really work lmao 

Props to Lee for not holding a grudge against Gaara because he was both the reason he was injured before the last invasion and also one of the invaders  

“Sensei, have I gotten stronger since the last Chunin exam?” “Well, you should have” Inspiring self-confidence with Might Guy 

What a gentle and peppy intro it’s a change of pace from the intense bops

Thank you!!!!! I still don’t understand why Sakura couldn’t take out the first insect because she’s like the strongest woman alive

Omg Ino gently taking Sakura’s hand to heal it my bisexual heart <3 

“Where’s Shikamaru?” “He’s seeing off the delegates from the Hidden Sand” HE’S FLIRTING WITH TEMARI MY BOI

I aspire 2 be as committed to avoiding talking about my feelings as Asuma Sarutobi

Tsunade just doesn’t have the energy to entertain student rivalry lol 

“You just broke my concentration since you kept peeking over at me” this entire episode is incredibly gay and I love it 

“Because of you, I’m going to the place where I belong” this is ninja code for gay marriage (see: Tenzo’s infinite Tsukuyomi scene)

I LOVE SAKURA SHE PICKED A FIGHT WITH A SCORPION TO GET DINNER FOR HER FRIENDS MY KIND OF GAL

It actually makes complete sense that Tsunade never intended for Ino to become a medical ninja because it’s not Ino’s strongest technique but it’s useful on multiple levels 

I don’t know what Ino’s future job is supposed to be but I hope it’s Head of the intelligence division bc of Inoichi’s legacy

Honestly Sakura becomes even more impressive when you consider every battle she fought up until the war she was consistently depleting her chakra it’s a disadvantage similar to Kakashi’s sharingan and yet she not only managed to keep from being hospitalized but also was able to fight the Akatsuki and perform surgery

Honestly what on earth is this Sasuke business what a non-sequitor

Take a shot every time Orochimaru kidnaps a child

The fact that Sakura braces for impact bc she won’t even consider dodging at the cost of abandoning Ino’s body nfdgbfdgjdhfb

“I don’t care about the Chunin exams, I want to have my revenge!” okay Anime Bride of Chuckie 

“He’s probably forgotten all about you and has already found a better partner” Kurama truly hitting Naruto where it hurts 

I’m so proud of Sakura she is absolutely fucking adorable 

“Gaara, let’s get dinner” I’ve never heard those words said so intensely

Why is the animation on this sand so much better than the animation on literally anything else 

“Make sure he doesn’t step foot outside” lmao @ Gaara’s siblings trying to babysit him even though he’s the leader of the village

FURTHER LAUGHTER AT GAARA SNEAKING OUT OF HIS ROOM LIKE THE TEENAGER HE IS 

“This will take a lot more than gutsiness to overcome” [Naruto in the distance: How dare u Neji]

TEAM GUY CUDDLING OUT THE SANDSTORM I LOVE THEM!!!!

“I told you I was right,” said Mikoshi, as he began to drown in a pit of sand

Oh my god Fu wants to make a hundred friends to end all wars what a gal

“He sounds exactly like the kind of guy I’d like to meet and become friends with” that’s actually sad both because she dies before she can really know Naruto but he does meet her eventually through the tailed beasts

“Well, see ya!” jbfjhdkfjhgkjh Team Jonin Sensei is truly a beautiful thing 

It takes the Akatsuki like three days to extract a tailed beast and this dude is trying to do it in 30 seconds good luck my dude

Poor Neji he can’t stand to disappoint other people 

“We can’t just ignore someone in distress” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 4 <333

Take a shot every time someone on this show fantasizes about Naruto

“Yes, but that’s only because he’s a fool” this might be the closest Gaara has come to insulting Naruto in years

I want so badly for Neji and Gaara to be friends I love lonely ninja boys

"Get ready Fu, you’re next!” “Okay!!” I’ve never seen someone look so excited to get poked in the stomach

“I thank you, Neji. Never thought you’d rescue me” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 7

Take a shot every time Gaara tells someone about his crush on Naruto

“I wanted to try to heal the hurt I’d caused everyone” Gaara <3

Why are there so many heaven scrolls that seems to be all that anyone has

Gaara @ all the exam participants: You get to be a Chunin! You get to be a Chunin! Everyone gets to be a Chunin! 

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT AJISAI IS ONE OF THE BODIES OF PAIN I DIDN’T REALIZE IT UNTIL THE EXAM WAS OVER BUT THEY’RE ABOUT TO CONFIRM IT

Are we about to watch a montage of all the people who died since the Chunin exams 

Oh my GOD Fu trying to befriend Kakuzu RIP 

Well I guess Neji’s double promotion makes way more sense than him taking a Jonin exam like months after his Chunin exam but still what an arbitrary decision-making process

[survivorsentinelislands]

EPISODE 10: IDOLS, AUCTIONS, BALLS, FREAKOUTS, AND I’M HOPING FOR A GOOD BLINDSIDE ~Sam

Ned won immunity which is awesome. Alex is back in the game which is not as awesome. Darian seems upset at me which isn’t awesome at all.

All things considered, I still think I’m in a good spot. Sam and I worked out a plan for tonights vote, where we’ll throw two votes at Josh, while hopefully Daisy, Josh, Ned, Carson and Darian all vote Alex. That way if Alex were to play an idol, Josh would be the one sent home, not who Alex votes for. If by some chance Alex and Darian are working together, the two votes at josh would still end up in a tie if Alex played an idol.

This should be a fool-proof plan, but anything can happen. And Darian probably wont be too happy at being left out of another plan.

welp! no immunity for me and im gonna be on a FUCKING FLIGHT

yeah fuck me/

i hope i stay

So, I guess Sam made a final three deal with Darian and Ned. That’s a little surprising to me since I thought Sam and I were a tight duo. Apparently not. If I had to guess, I’d say she thinks I’m a threat to beat her in the end, so she doesn’t want me getting there.

Darian told me all of that, and said he wants me at the end, not Sam. Because he thinks he can win in the end. Honestly I don’t see him beating me in the end. I’m happy to go along with his plan, if it means I actually get to the end.

Another good thing about this final 3 deal being revealed to me is that it clearly puts Carson on the bottom as well, and it wouldn’t be hard to get him to vote with me, and take out Sam.

It also really helps that I have a vote doubler. It may be worthwhile to use it a little earlier than Final 5 to get Sam out. Obviously not this vote, but maybe the next one. If Darian, Carson and myself vote Sam, and I use my vote doubler, I think she would be gone. Provided the plan is to vote out Josh or Daisy, who obviously wouldn’t vote for themselves.

I need to wait and see how tonight’s vote goes first. This is some very interesting information I’ve gotten. On the other hand, Darian could be making up lies to get me back on his side.

I mean low-key I’m like kinda shocked Alex asked me to vote out daisy which would be dumb for me tbh cause going with him and Darian just nahhh but also am a feminist hehehe

I AM THE KING OF CATCHING BALLS! Actually, Darian probably is. But if this were ball-catching combined with Touchy Subjects’ idol smashing, I WOULD BE THE KING! I won immunity, and I’m really happy because that means none of these snakes can backstab me for one more round. I’m guaranteed to get past final 8, which is always the hardest obstacle for me to overcome. I guess we’re voting out Alex again, and this is PERFECT- I had a plan with Sam to flip back and forth between alliances and eliminate our biggest threats, and we’ve been able to do it without even getting our hands dirty. First, we voted out John. Then, Logan quit- so that’s one of the guys’ alliance gone, and one of the girls’ alliance gone. Then we voted Alex out, but his advantage caused Sara to go home instead. We’ve gotten rid of TWO of the girls without even having to vote for them! Daisy STILL thinks Sara is the one who flipped and not us, which is practically perfect. Let’s see how long we can do this without anyone catching on.

They voted me out for an expired advantage and now they’re voting for me again yay.

Um since I know this will be my “last stand” so to speak I’m just going to give a big congrats to Drew/Brian/Jay for hosting this season. I may not have been the most active but it’s definitely been fun.

There goes me and my F4 advantage :P

Let’s talk about Alex showing up to the tribe chat 2 hours before tribal and trying to convince everyone not to vote him out. Because WHEW this is a mess. He’s all over the place! Saying that we should keep him because the jury wouldn’t vote for him is somewhat believable, but claiming that he would tell them to vote for someone else and not him is bullshit. He’s practically begging us to keep him yet saying that he doesn’t even want to win, and then saying he’s never “given” social interaction as if at least 5/8 of us haven’t attempted to talk to him many times just to be ignored. He barely participates or attempts to talk to any of us, and it seems like he doesn’t really care about this game or even wants to be here. And at this point, he might not even leave tonight bc this is a great opportunity to get out Darian. I just hope this whole interaction doesn’t shine a bad light on me.

A lot has happened in the hour. First Alex had a bit of a breakdown in chat and basically begged everyone to let him stay because he’s useless and has no shot at winning. And then Daisy told me Sam wanted to blindside Darian, and they had Ned as well, which gives four votes for Darian.

And then, Darian comes to me and says to switch my vote to Daisy, so we can flip the game on its head. What a rush, this is the kind of game I’ve been wanting to play all along! I just hope I’m not being blindsided.

So i’m voting for Darian tonight for a few reasons:

1. He’s said, since the swap, he wants to take me to the end, so he can win. That’s not a great way to keep allies.

2. Alex promised him his jury vote. If that’s true, fine but don’t tell anyone, like oh my god, how dumb are you?

3. He’s been making F3 deals left and right.

So Darian is the smart vote tonight. Alex really does have no shot at winning. He can be voted out at any time. I’m hoping I can trust Daisy and Sam. They’re getting pretty close though, so one of them needs to be gone next vote. Or before final 5 anyways, which should be pretty easy to swing with my vote doubler.

Hopefully tribal goes as intended and Darian is blindsided. He’ll be pissed and I probably have no chance of getting his jury vote but it’s the smart thing to do. I hope anyways.

WHEW THIS HAS BEEN A GREAT ROUND! IDOL, AUCTION, BALLS, FREAKOUTS, AND I’M HOPING FOR A GOOD BLINDSIDE!

So let’s start at the beginning with the idol! I was just waltzing through the forest on the lovely moonlit path (because we talked about the moon in the science class and I did this in the parking lot after class) when I ran into Abbey! We played heads or tails and I told her it was heads! It really was heads and she was so grateful that I didn’t lie that she decided to give me “another game of chance.” This came in the form of the Ruby Idol! There’s only 2 times I’m willing to play this and that is 1) when I have immunity or 2) when I KNOW I’m going home and there are no other options because this voids all of the votes and sends it rocks immediately. The only people who are immune are others with an idol and the person who has immunity. So this means that I can’t give it away and play on someone else because honestly that’s what I usually do with idols. I’m not telling ANYONE about it though. This is my own idol and I’m not sharing it with people. I especially don’t want anyone to expect me to play it when they’re going home and risk myself.

That brings us to the auction! I used my good old “put $20 on everything except for one item where the rest of it goes” strategy and once again I cleaned up. Unfortunately, I GOT NOTHING GOOD! As of right now. So let’s just start from the beginning.

The first thing I won was a soup/salad course. I hope it was chicken noodle soup because it’s all I like. Too bad it had NOTHING to go along with it! Then I also won the Entree. I’m picturing a nice chicken parm with a big heaping portion of penne pasta and a breadstick. That came with the opportunity to banish someone from the Forest until after tribal. That was easy because I literally asked in the tribe chat who doesn’t mind being banished because they don’t go and Josh agreed to it. That was awesome. I also won the dessert. I ate real good at this tribal. My dessert was probably a chocolate lava cake with a a nice scoop of vanilla ice cream (or mint chocolate chip or cookie dough but usually the lava cakes just come with vanilla). So that came with the DPOV! At first I was really excited but then I realized this isn’t big brother and I asked Drew if there was going to be a BB week or something. Instead of saying “shrug” or “we’ll see” or something to indicate that it might actually be a thing he just said “no. we’re not.” so like fuck at least it was a good dessert or else I’d be really disappointed my useless veto. Then the last thing that I won (besides my loved one letter) was something that will be revealed in my host chat. So I ran to my host chat to see what it is and this is what I get:

SAM

Would you rather put everyone’s cards on the table or keep yours close to your chest?

So I say that I would rather keep my cards close. AND THAT’S ALL I GET! Drew said I’ll find out what it is after this tribal but like still, I wanna know now!

Immunity was a live challenge where Drew slings his balls at everyone and people have to catch them. Darian was doing really fucking well, no surprise there but the dark horse straight man Ned ended up coming on top catching the most balls and smashing everyone else’s eggs. Icon, king, my final 2 Ned. And Alex came back from the game which was very unsurprising to everyone.

As soon as Alex came back I wanted to keep him and get rid of Darian this round. I wasn’t exactly sure HOW I was gunna do it especially since everyone was pretty set on Alex but I was like yes this is happening, this is when Darian leaves. So everyone was pretty much decided on Alex and people had voted and everything. Then two hours before tribal Alex started going off in the tribe chat about how dumb it is for people to get rid of him now and stuff and so I messaged him and was like “I know right? you’re a wasted vote so let’s not vote you out!” I must have made an impact on him because he was even willing to offer me some special vote that he got from the forest where he could cast 3 votes but they had to all be for different people. That’s pretty awesome but also I’m too far in the middle to take that advantage. I don’t want to have that much power and have to reveal myself. So instead I told him to play it. He’s gunna vote for Daisy, Darian, and Carson and I mentioned to Ned how I think Alex has a point its a wasted vote blah blah blah Darian’s a threat and so he was like ‘true!’ then we went to Daisy and said the same thing and she agreed. She went to Keegan like right away which I would have liked to be the one to do it but whatever, now I can make it look like Daisy’s idea to Keegan. He decided that he was on board and now I THINK the votes are going to be Ned, Daisy, Keegan, Josh, one of Alex’s votes, and I voting for Darian. Carson and Darian voting for either Daisy or Alex, I’m not sure which one. Then Alex’s other votes for Daisy and Carson. I’m so excited I really hope this works. I didn’t tell Alex that the official vote was for Darian but he’s not stupid he definitely knows its for him. So hopefully he doesn’t snitch and Darian plays an idol. If he does I’ll be so mad because I’m saving his ass. So yeah, this tribal should be good and I’m excited.

So i guess alex is going or thatsd what i hear hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Oh well i mean idm cause i dont have super close ties with alex i mean hes a nice guy but yeah