#given that the chances of both albums dropping on the same week are very high

[yume-fanfare]

do you guys know who happyele should comm for knights leading track,

[detroitswindle-blog]

Detroit Swindle: Move Out The Way. I need Coffee In The Morning

Lars Dales and Maarten Smeets are Detroit Swindle and have had quite a run the last decade. From making music for the hell of it, to making tens of thousands of fans all over the world happy with their releases, mixes and performances, they have seen their star rise in a seemingly unstoppable manner. With a string of releases on renowned labels like Dirt Crew, Freerange, Tsuba and their own Heist Recordings, they've cemented their place in the House Music scene by keeping true to their roots and keeping diversity and authenticity at the centre of their story. 

Notorious for their energetic DJ sets at clubs like Panorama bar, Fabric or Social Club and praised for their productions with that signature shuffle and those carefully designed drops, they put as much energy into their music as they have always done and they are treasured for it. They have their own label Heist Recordings and one thing is clear, they refuse to be tied to any given genre, celebrating the broad fabric of House Music in all its forms. 

Despite being in isolation (this interview took place in the last week of May 2020), the duo is still really busy. They are releasing two tracks on the 5th June; ‘Coffee in The Morning and ‘Move Out The Way’ with vocalist Jitwam which speaks to the soul of their creativity and they should be roundly applauded for releasing material in what are very challenging times.

We are therefore extremely grateful that Maarten Smeets talked to us on the phone for over an hour to tell us the Swindle story.

So Maarten welcome to the Switched On family. How have you been handling the pandemic and has it given you a different perspective on life?

Well, the entertainment industry was the first one to suffer. We saw our events getting cancelled very early on. I think the gig that got cancelled first was actually our tour in the US. We woke up, I think it was like a Friday morning, two weeks before the tour in March, with an email from our agent saying, ‘Hey you guys, Trump has closed down the country. So it’s going to be hard for you guys to tour here if all the borders are closed’. That was the first thing that we noticed and we soon realised it was really happening. I think within a week, we saw that pretty much everything was getting cancelled. All the countries were tightening the rules on social distancing. 

That was a bit of a heavy changeover for us because we went from touring full on every week to not touring at all. It's weird because your whole life was touring. It means getting up Friday morning, taking a plane, playing and arriving back home on Sunday night and trying to do as much as you can during the week and spend some time with the family. Now suddenly all that travel was done with, which was a relief, but gigging was gone as well. It’s a shame as we really like DJing. We like playing music and we like visiting different countries; seeing what kind of music works in different cultures. So that was a big change. The upside of not having to travel anymore, because it can be tedious and tiring and heavy on the mind and body, was outweighed by the fact that what we lost three quarters of what we do. 

But there is a plus. We work as a duo. We're not actually allowed to be in one room together because we're not family and don’t live in the same household. We therefore decided to split the work up a bit. I get to work in the studio because I have three kids at home. 

We've taken on a few more remix projects than we would usually do, which is great because we've managed to secure a couple of really fun projects. So that was actually a great change for us because we both really enjoy the production side of our work. 

It hasn't been like that since we started touring in 2012. We have never taken as much time off of touring as we have done now. Even though it's not our choice, it feels really nice and it feels like it gives us room for new creativity and allows us to look at things from a different perspective; like how we run our label and how we've run our business so far. 

We've had the opportunity to vary our activities a bit which is also nice. Obviously, we have to deal with less income. So that's always a bit of shame but there's loads of people out there that have it way harder than us. So I'm not gonna cry about it. For me personally, it's been a bit more complex because my wife works in one of the big hospitals in Amsterdam with people that have leukaemia. So the security measures that they have in place are intense. What that meant for us is that we had to be super strict with our lockdown as well. So that was a bit heavy for me and the kids. It's a new world right now.

So I think the next six months will see some incredible music come out?

I'm super interested to see what happens. Obviously, there's a bit of a delay between production and music actually. People are either starting new projects or maybe dusting off old projects that they always wanted to finish. So that's going to be exciting. That's going to be interesting. 

I really hope that the market will stay intact. For our label, we still see sales going well and obviously streaming is important. From a creative perspective, I think a lot of nice projects will come out. The challenge of course for everyone, is how to make music together if you're not allowed to be in a room together. For bands doing session recordings, it's going to be a bit more working with Zoom session recordings. Might not be as fun as a personal session but it saves a lot of flying.

So you grew up in Amsterdam?

We both lived in Amsterdam for a long time; Lars is still there. I actually live 20 minutes outside of the city in a lakeside area. Me and my wife both felt it was time to get a little bit more space. Spend time with nature a bit more. Amsterdam is where our studio is and where we meet and where most of our life has taken place. 

Born in the early part of the 80s. House Music was an already established genre by then; what appealed to you as you headed into your teenage years about House Music?

Actually, to be honest, House Music was not a thing where I grew up. People were into bands and rock music and I played drums with some high school friends and we did punk. We liked surf punk and that was our big thing. So House Music was, I think, more of a big city thing. It only really reached me when I moved to Amsterdam in the late 90s, early 2000s. I know for Lars on the other hand that he was a club kid and he had a fake ID and went to all the raves. 

The feeling I get is that for a lot of DJs there needs to be an accumulation of musical genres to be able to develop a sound as they go into music production.

Yeah, I think I think that you could be very right with that. For me, I'm very easily bored with repetition which is a weird contrast because House Music is all about repetition; I need to find different new genres and different types of music to cater for different types of mixing and applying different types of effects to really get inspired. That can come from anything. 

I still like the raw feel of that punk. I really liked that a lot and how they had dub influences as well as being able to deliver a harder sound. I think musical diversity is a blessing and it's something to embrace. Lars loves hip hop as well and is a huge De La Soul fan. We go through everything. 

I was just compiling a Spotify all night long playlist to go along with our new release. It was doing my head in over how to approach that because obviously you can't compile a list of 1000 songs. Because I like so many genres, it's hard. Where do you begin? Where do you end? All these different types of inspirations that have shaped my view on music. They have also shaped the sound that we put out with our own productions and our DJ sets. It's super varied.

I've noticed that you've also started getting into that Afro sound lately. What is it about that genre that some appealing to you?

There are so many things. I think as DJs we've been playing Afro related or Afro inspired music for a while now. If you look at our productions, it's been there. I think one of our releases on Freerange, five or six years ago, was an afro house record. And then on our latest album, in 2018, we did an Afro song with a Dutch brass band. So it's been there but the recent remixes we did for Pat Thomas and The Mauskovic Dance Band, they are full-on Afro.

The nice thing about Afro is that everything is lively. There's so much energy in it even with percussion that's over six or seven minutes long and that's just slightly offbeat or changing. It's so vivid and everything is connected. Even sometimes when the drummer is kind of losing the rhythm, when they get back into the groove you have that uplifting energy. Bubblegum music is also inspiring because of the fact that its music made with very limited means. You hear and feel the energy of the singers and the artists playing it. It's a really honest and true genre. That's what I really like about it; the unpolished raw feel gives it so much authenticity. 

The fact that we get to work with all these original artists and work on the stems of some great recordings is very rewarding. It's great to put your own personal touch on it. Obviously, we have a more electronic approach so it'll sound different. But for us, the chance to work on these tracks and give it our own perspective, the club perspective, is amazing. 

So Detroit Swindle was really an homage to Detroit and the Motown experience. Motown has those big sweeping arrangements of musicality with your music of being more of that deep house stripping much of that production away. How do you align those different concepts?

The reason we chose the name; it's the common ground we have. We both grew up with Motown and we really like Marvin Gaye and artists like that; acts that we've heard over and over again during our childhood. That’s why the name is really appropriate for us. In terms of musicality; House has a different approach. I already mentioned the fact that it's mostly based on repetition. So the many changeovers that there are in most soul songs are just too much. You need to strip it back to the essentials and find a tight groove that gets people in; like a little bit of a hypnotic seal. We use the catchiest part of a song or the catchiest part of a certain chord progression and we build around that. They all have these thermal changeovers or different chord progressions and we can build so many elements around that little piece of groove we find. That could be a two-bar sample. There are so many things you can build around that. 

Simplicity is our main challenge. To go back and take older records to their simplest form and to strip them of all the excess waste and all the stuff that is actually unnecessary to portray the message of the song. It's not about getting 10 or 15 different elements or extra elements in; it's about the opposite. 

And is that the driving element behind why you have resisted the temptation to go for commercial?

No, I think the driving element behind that is actually most of what we really like is just not commercial. We've had many opportunities to do really commercial remixes and work with artists that really want to make it in the mainstream area. It's just not what makes us tick. I can listen to some music, pop music or jazz, that's super popular and really appreciate that. But the stuff I like most is very uncommercial. It's very low key. I mentioned Spotify playlists earlier. I was going through my Discogs page of all the records that I've been buying the last few years just to see where to start. Most of the stuff I buy, I can’t even find on streaming sites. So, my take and I think our combined take on it is, that luckily, what we produce is popular enough for us to be popular.

I was gonna say it all stems back to when you originally met where Lars had to sack you for playing too much underground. So you have stayed true to yourself, right?

Well we both were making money with something else. When we started, we said, ‘all right, this just has to be for the love of it’, because of the type of music we really love to play and produce. Our endgame wasn't to make a living out of this. That kind of just happened. So when it did happen, we decided to embrace it and honour it by staying true to what we started. So everything we remix, or every track we make, needs to be something that we make out of love and belief in the music. Being commercially viable is not part of the decision-making process because we feel that when you start to do that, it's a very slippery slope towards making music for money. 

When you start making music purely for money it becomes less and less from the heart. Suddenly, you end up not getting booked for the kind of parties where you get to play the music you love. People will only remember you for the commercial stuff you've done and then you've wasted all that energy on building a profile. Suddenly that's lost. So, for us as producers and as DJs, I think there's no other way. I'd rather make less money and have more fun than the other way around.

That brings us to the fun that you have in the live performance space. Because you tend to put on shows with the inclusion of a keyboardist like Lorenz Rhode it becomes an event rather than a DJ experience. How important is that to you?

We both feel that the experience of dancing should build up towards something. When we are in full control of a line-up we can build something exactly the way we want. When you don’t have that control its way harder to connect. With full control, you can take the audience on a path that you've decided on; whether it's three, six or 12 hours. It all adds up to something. The more you're in control, the more you get to introduce people to the music that you that you really want to play. You can kind of ease people into listening to something that they weren't planning on listening to or that they’ve never listened to before. 

When you only have an hour to play there's loads of stuff happening around you. There's not much of a story to tell. So, with an added keyboard player at a live show, we get more flexibility and we get more of the live energy that we really like in our music. We also get to take people along with old genres that we like. If we do an all-nighter, we start at 90 BPM with downtempo Disco or hip hop even and slowly move towards some faster tracks. We build up the tempo and we change from genre to genre; like 110 BPM, Bubblegum or South African dubs. Then towards House and then Electro and Techno and up-tempo disco. 

The awesome Highlife came out in 2018. Looking back on it now what does that album means you?

Wow. It was a really special process because for the first time we really took time off touring to write music whereas normally we just wrote music in-between gigs. This was recorded in a unique way for us. If I look back at it, I don't think we could write it again. It could have only been written then. Lorenz was a big part helping with it; writing the key parts for pretty much half of the album. We rearranged our whole studio and put some synths in. We also had this chance meeting with Tom Misch who came to Amsterdam afterwards for recording sessions. 

The whole album was unplanned, sound wise, and unplanned in terms of what we wanted to achieve. We just wanted to explore our sound. I think when I listen to it now it gives a really good perspective of all of our interests. So yeah, I'm still super happy that we got to write that.

So, we know you started out in a completely digital environment, but you gradually incorporated more analogue processes into your production techniques. Is that because you like to challenge yourself because it's infinitely harder in the analogue space? 

Yeah, definitely harder and more time consuming. Machines don't necessarily respond the way they should. Especially old machines which sometimes do completely different things (from what you intended). Then you need to find out if something's broken or shut down. You need to turn them off and on and some synths don’t have midi so there's no sequencing. You have to do everything live and edit it. But it's just the feeling of sitting behind the keyboards or the drum computer, making use of that device rather than using your mouse and clicking on some stuff or automating everything. The likelihood of doing something that you didn't really plan but actually found really interesting is high. Purely because the filter resonance was a bit too high or something or just because the reverb in the patches you've made is different from what you thought it would be. It gives you a few more surprises and it feels more real. 

Even though VSTs can sound great, just the feel of playing a synth and touching the knobs with your hands, making your own patches while you're playing, rather than having a sequence running from a MIDI clip; that for me feels infinitely more interesting. That's just personal. I really enjoyed the way we worked before as well. But to be honest, producing with two people behind the one laptop is not that exciting.

I'm gonna ask you a DJ question now because you've been on this journey. What weapons does a good DJ need?

I think the most important weapon is originality and timing. You need to find your own sound. If you don't have your own sound, you can be anyone and anyone could be you. You need to find something that fits with you and that hopefully will connect to a big enough crowd to get enough people moving in the club. But to be a really good DJ, you need to know when to take risks, when to go safe or when to build up a bit longer and then go for your delivery. 

If you go to a festival and a DJ just plays hit after hit after hit after hit for an hour and people go there because they just want to be able to say I've seen this DJ at this festival; well yay for them. But for me, that's not that's not the art of DJing... Anyone can plan a show and if you have enough hits behind your name, you can play live off those hits. 

But the interesting part for me as a DJ is when you actually get the crowd moving to music that they never expected to hear and never expected to dance to. You unleash all these new emotions. And for me that's also why the combination of Lars and me works so well together because Lars is really good at finding the moment of delivery and when you need to throw in a bomb; I'm really good at extending the track and throwing in the odd-balls. 

People know what kind of vibe they'll get when they come to see us play but they never know what they're going to hear. We have a certain energy in our sound and our music but whether we play one Detroit song or zero Detroit songs, our DJ sets are always different and full of surprises. So I think a combination of those factors makes for a good DJ. 

Even when you're touring as much as we do, there's nights where you can really feel the connection with the crowd but sometimes it's just not there. But the most memorable nights are the ones where you feel like you're part of the crowd. You're not standing on a stage far away but you're connected and get the opportunity to play anything you like. You just know that whatever you play, people will be into it. And those occasions are amazing. And that's why I love being a DJ. 

Let’s talk some Amsterdam industry stuff. The ADE festival used to be a very community-based affair. Now it's grown to this really big occasion. Do you think that's detracting from what it was originally set out to achieve?

That's a hard one because I understand their path. I mean, I've been going for such a long time and I've been organizing events so I know the struggle in general. For ADE, the popularity grew and the organization also needed to find a way to actually make it economically viable. So obviously they connected with bigger artists or bigger labels to get the mainstream people to actually buy tickets. I get that. 

What I don't like about ADE is that it's very, very hard to have a normal party. People arrive at your party and they help build your vibe but there is this mentality of party hopping. They visit maybe four or five events on the night so you lose half of your crowd every hour and a half. That's really hard to build a connection with an audience because the story is always changing. The new arrivals don't have a clue about the idea of the night. That's a bit of a shame; they can still have fun and they can still listen to my records, but they won't get the full package. 

On the other hand, we've done three or four hostings at the same venue and we've always had a super steady following with our label and for Detroit Swindle. We've always really enjoyed our nights and we don't have that many industry people networking on the nights themselves. We tend to meet everyone during the week, during the day or outside of the clubs and make sure that the events are still about that love of music

I know some people from Amsterdam leave the city because it becomes touristy x 10. Normally Amsterdam is already full of tourists but at ADE time its super hectic. On the other hand, an event like that in our city is an amazing opportunity for us to catch up with people that we haven't seen in a while and who we only get to see when we're in South America or Australia or wherever. Suddenly everyone's in Amsterdam and you can show them your favourite coffee spot and catch up on releases, hand out records rather than posting them. So there's so many advantages.

Okay so that leads me to who's your favourite DJ behind the decks. 

I really enjoy guys like Hunee and Antal and a guy from London called John Gomez. He has an amazing taste in music and a large collection of Brazilian and South American music. We play together with him and every time he surprises me with something that I'd never heard before but which feels like I should have it in my collection. So, yeah, I'm a big fan of his music 

Who do you need to thank for where you are in your life right now?

I need to thank Lars because without him we wouldn't be where we are and I think he would thank me because it's really obvious.

My wife, for sure. She made so many sacrifices for me to be able to do this. The moment we started touring full time was the moment when our first kid was born (my daughter). She decided to cut back on work for me to be able to do more and then at some point we decided together that she would take time off full time to be able to run the family. Without her this would never have been possible.

Quickfire Round

DAW? Ableton 

Favourite keyboard? The Korg Monopoly. 

Preferred Decks? SL 1200s 

Favourite Mixer? Carmen Rotary. We take it on tour.

Favourite Sound? Waves crashing on the beach.

Love is…? Compassion.

Favourite club? In Australia … Revolvers

So besides playing back to back with Lars, who would be     the one person that you'd love to play back to back with?     Soundstream 

What are you most proud of? I am at this point really     proud of how, me and my family are dealing with the challenges in life.     We're very open minded and I'm proud of being open minded. 

So finally, this is a fun question is not meant to be anything sinister in this. So your family gets a phone call to say you're in a bit of trouble. What friend are you with?

My friend Pete.

He's always up to no good. Whenever we're on a night out you just know it's gonna be trouble lol 

 Stream Detroit Swindle

https://store.detroitswindle.com/ 

 Jay B is a published author, music journalist and international DJ who has deep roots in the global House Music community having played the music he loves for over 30 years. From London, New York, Paris, Tokyo and Sydney, he has travelled the globe and interviewed some of the biggest names in the business as head honcho of Switched On Music! 

[bygosscarmine]

LOVE SHIFTS SHAPE

Sky High: Magenta x Ethan, post-canon

a multi-chapter reunion story, in continuity with Love, Unspoken

Magenta is dreading the reunion in a mild “I’m in a successful band that has nothing to do with my powers” sort of a way, but she looks forward to seeing the friends she’s kept up with at the party.

Then, for a second she doesn’t recognize Ethan in his adult form, and things long forgotten (like her break-up with Zach) feel all too relevant again.

Read Chapter One here.

Read Chapter Two here.

Read Chapter Three here.

Chapter Four: With Friends Like These?

In the morning she woke to a few messages from Layla, and a series from Ethan. She read Layla's first. One was reassuring her that the doctors thought Warren would be fine, but getting him released would take some time in the morning. The next said Magenta didn't need to bring her anything.

Don't be ridic, Magenta texted back. I want to see you, and I leave this afternoon.

She did not open the texts from Ethan, not particularly won over by the preview she saw of the latest one. She dressed, packed, checked out, and went to the best coffee place in the hospital's vicinity, picking up three coffees in various styles for herself, Layla, and Warren, as well as some baked goods.

She turned down the hallway she thought held Warren's room, then all doubt disappeared.

"You didn't read my texts," Ethan said, by way of explanation.

"I came to see Layla," Magenta said, outraged.

"She's busy checking Warren out right now. Come on, I have to talk to you."

He looked tense. Magenta rolled her eyes, but she knew she'd do what he asked.

"Let me get the coffee to her. Is she in the lobby now?"

"They both are."

"Warren looking OK this morning?"

He turned back with her, said, "Yeah, if you like that kind of thing."

The elevator doors closed around them, and Ethan took up a spot leaning against the wall so he faced her.

"You know how I said we sometimes revert around people we knew at a different time in life?"

"Yeah," she said, refusing to make eye-contact.

"I'm guilty. I did something dumb last night, because I reverted to a seventeen year old prick."

"Please don't tell me anything about your fight with your girlfriend until we are off this elevator and I have given this stuff to Layla."

He obliged by staying silent, putting his back to the elevator wall instead of turning toward her. This meant she could look at him out of the corner of her eye. He was in another suit, though this was a neutral gray with a plain white shirt. He filled it well, and she suspected it was tailored the way her band got their tour clothes done. His hair still had the same curl but his haircut was sharp--shaved close at the sides of his head, a quarter-inch length at the top shaped neatly.

She remembered the anger he'd slipped into revealing the night before, about being a person of power that had no heroic applications, what he said about compensating.

"I don't think we need to hide behind anything anymore," said Magenta. "We've done more than many people do, whether they have powers or not. And if you ever need a subject with a weirdly lame shapeshifting ability, you know who to call."

He looked at her sharply, but didn't answer. The elevator opened at their floor.

Layla was easy to find in the scatter of the clerks, after which Magenta spotted Warren sprawled only a little too stiffly on a chair close by.

"Have some coffee," Magenta said, trying to sound casual. "I'll be hanging around when you're done."

"Thanks," Ethan said to Layla, mysteriously.

Then he led Magenta to a somewhat sad landscaped area with a bench. Magenta plopped onto it and with a dramatic sigh opened her texts. "Okay, what did you have to say so late last night while you were..."

He stood just an arms-length, at attention, almost as she read:

I was a little startled about you

tonight I mean

I mouthed off like a stupid teenager and now I have to backtrack

stop being difficult and call me

She looked up.

"What startled you?" She felt immediately like she didn't want to know, and added, "The fact that I was wearing jeans without holes in them?"

Ethan ignored this bait, though.

"I thought I was over it. We were gonna say hi, and it would be just like messaging you through the game, where you're some ambiguous memory of a teenager, just slightly less moody. That we'd hit it off talking about Call of Sacrifice and stupid bets on speed-runs. And then it wasn't like that."

Warily, Magenta said, "I mean, we could talk about games now, if you want. I'm back in a baggy tee shirt, if the silk blouse was bothering you."

"It still is bothering me," Ethan said. Now they were looking at each other, he sat on the bench, getting intimidatingly close. "I saw you go through a moment of not recognizing me, too. Then I got mad when you asked me over, because I couldn't help remembering the last time I asked you out. Do you even remember?"

Her face got hot.

She had just broken up with Zack, and Ethan had come over to play X-Box. He'd casually said, "I'd take you out," when she'd made some bitter comment about Friday nights (as if she and Zach had done anything interesting on Friday nights), and she'd laughed.

It had taken her a few weeks to realize that there was a correlation between that and the way Ethan had slowly tapered off coming by her place, and sitting with her at lunch.

"Wow, you can hold a grudge, huh?"

"I can hold a crush, more like." He tilted his head to look at her, as if assessing. "I was embarrassed you'd ask me over just like that, when I spent two years trying to be not in love with you. I figured maybe it was an innocent invitation. Then we were in that waiting room last night, and I didn't really care, either way, but I had dug myself a hole with a fake girlfriend I had to get home to."

Magenta dropped her eyes down to her hands, unable to handle the intensity of his look. "I still leave town this afternoon," she said.

"And you go home where you can install Call of Sacrifice, finally," he said. He leaned in close, and said softly, "Where they have a voice-chat feature now."

She shivered, but when he moved toward her, she didn't draw back. This hug wasn't awkward, because if she buried her face in his collar to smell his restrained sandalwood cologne, it wasn't creepy anymore.

"You have your revenge," she finally said. "You grew up sexy, and I didn't notice over text-chat."

"Don't make me kiss you senseless in a hospital garden," he murmured, lightly brushing his lips on her temple. "When is your flight today?"

"It's not until 4:30."

He pulled back, and she stood up, finding he was holding her hand. Was reluctant to make him let go.

He got a text message, and looked at it. "Oh. Layla is hinting that they're about to leave the hospital."

Magenta told him, "I am going to spend some time with her."

He let go of her hand, and stood, too. "Then I'm going to go check in at the university, and I'll see you later."

She didn't like this practical attitude at the moment at all, so she put her hands up to draw his face close and gently kiss him.

The small breath he puffed out when their lips stopped touching told her what she needed to know.

"Am I going to meet you at the university or at your place?"

He considered this a moment, eyeing her speculatively.

"By which I mean, are we going to talk for two hours somewhere quiet, or are we going to cuddle and shoot aliens before you take me to the airport?"

"There is zero chance you can keep me from talking anyway, so let's shoot some aliens while we're at it."

If Warren and Layla noticed them walking a little too close to each other as they rejoined them, they didn't mention it.

After depositing Warren at home, Magenta took Layla to the pharmacy to fill his prescriptions and listened to her vent about her worries about Warren, her regret at missing the reunion, and how much she liked The Wastelanders' newest album. Only once they were in the backyard garden, with Warren napping in the house, did Layla finally say, "So, Ethan, huh?"

"What about him?" Magenta asked.

Layla rolled her eyes. "You two have only been the most annoying non-couple I know for seven years now."

"I was dating Zach six years ago," Magenta protested.

"So?" Layla said. "Even Ethan, the completely clueless, knew that wasn't going to last."

"Poor Zack might be the only one who didn't," sighed Magenta. "I had no idea about Ethan, though. I mean, about him now. I literally didn't recognize him for a second."

"Yeah," Layla got a cat-like grin on her face. "He's been getting finer and finer. Someone really needs to stop him."

"Back off, you already have a boyfriend," said Magenta, amiably.

"Oh, Warr is way sexier than Ethan. But he's never going to be suave like him."

"He was really good with you last night," said Magenta, "I was surprised. Where did he get social skills? I still haven't found any."

Layla laughed. "So what's next?"

"We're meeting up this afternoon." Magenta's attempt at casual was almost as transparent as Layla's skin.

"Is it going to be hot and heavy, do you think?" Layla was blushing slightly, though that didn't mean much. The hibiscus behind her also seemed to bloom a little more furiously, though that could have just been because Layla was there. "Or are you going to take it slow?"

"I honestly can't say," Magenta answered. "We left it kind of open. The theory is some video games and some necking. It's very weird, but also a relief."

Layla nodded sagely. She glanced at the house and said, "By the time Warren and I worked it out we had a lot of tension built up. But we hadn't been long distance, either."

After a thoughtful pause, she asked, "Why not delay your flight?"

"Because then I'd have to go visit my mother. And while visiting her with a boyfriend finally would thrill her, especially since he's genetically a super, I probably want to be more sure of the whole thing before I give her that string to clutch."

"I heard she did a job despite her retirement recently. Did she talk to you about it?"

"Not as much as Will Stronghold's Facebook page did," Magenta said drily. "Is he who you heard about it from?"

"No, I don't follow him on Facebook," said Layla, quite seriously. "My mom was telling me about it. She occasionally has a desire for a last fling. But I'm not surprised Will was starstruck."

Majesty Notani's mother was Radiance Arete, who shape-shifted into a hawk, and had the distinction of being the first female super honored with her own Saturday morning cartoon run. She occasionally brought this up when Jetstream Stronghold was being praised too highly in her own home. It was funny to think of a similar dynamic playing out in a different house.

Talk about parents and glory days and the inevitable comparisons filled the next hour until Warren woke up and tried to make himself nachos, which required intervention from his partner. Magenta wished him well not getting killed by his own girlfriend, and went out to her car.

She texted Ethan, as if replying to his last text.

Am I being difficult if I say it's time to send me your address?

He wrote back, Come and ask me in person and included his apartment location.

[platinumsupa]

Diakko highschool AU maybe?

(but isn’t it already a…?

in any case! Here’s a diakko high school au! Diana may be the popular girl at school, but unfortunately for her, she’s ended up head over heels for a certain someone at the exact opposite end of the bell curve…

1700 words, so it’s a bit long, but that’s because I was having fun with it, sorry~ ^ ^;)

Diana was what people would call the popular girl. 

Student Council president, top of the class, head of theDance Squad, and she was perhaps the prettiest in school to boot, or so that’s whatpeople told her. Boys who were unaware of things often tried to ask her out, orat the very least sit with her and hope she looked their way. Every time shewould respectfully decline, which seemed to just add to her reputation as an unattainable beauty.

Akko was a new transfer student here at school. She was continuously almostbeing kicked out of the lacrosse team because she couldn’t keep her grades up,and when she wasn’t getting into very loud, fiery conversations with herteammates, she was usually getting into trouble with teachers. Last week, Diana watched ahalf-asleep Akko walk face first into a doorframe.

And Diana had noidea how to talk to this girl without feeling like a complete moron, because god, she had it bad.

How did she let it get this out of control? She really couldn’t say.

The first time Diana saw Akko, she was walking home with fellowclub members Hannah and Barbara, and they all stopped when they saw a short Asiangirl up in a tree, tangled in tree branches. And they watched, slack jawed, asthe branch broke from under her and she came tumbling down hard to the grass.

In her arms was a small black cat. In a show of gratitude toits rescuer, it clawed at Akko’s hands and took off running back home. Akkotook a moment to suck on her bleeding pinky before she finally noticed the threeof them looking down at her on the ground.

“Hi there!” She said, still on the ground. “I’m Kagari Atsuko, but everyone just callsme Akko. What’s up?”

Hannah and Barbara laughed at her, and Akko grumbled, simplystanding up and rubbing the dirt off her sleeves, watching the cat’s rapidly retreatingtail.

Diana’s heart started pounding, for some reason.

Some time later, Akko had talked back to Finnelan and landedherself an after school detention. Diana had found her alone in the classroom,not cleaning like she was supposed to. She took no notice of Diana there, becauseAkko was too singing along to an anime theme song playing through herheadphones and dancing with her mop like it was a microphone.

Diana spent all night thinking about it.

And then soon after, Diana absently looked over in Mathclass, and spent a good five minutes staring as Akko glued plastic gemstonesto her lacrosse stick in the shape of the Big Dipper. By that point, through nochoice of her own, Diana was definitelyvery interested.

Because Akko had a very cute face, not to mention such a passion in her voice, and a swagger inher step, and one would think a student in the running for some of the most prestigiousscholarships in the country wouldn’t be so stupidly useless, but here Diana was,her standards dropping like an elevator with its cables cut.

She spent a good portion of Mrs. Lukić’s science classtrying to keep her attention on the slides, and not the opposite table whereAkko was doodling in her notebook. To the point where she almost didn’t evenhear Mrs. Lukić’s announcement.

“Why don’t you all get with a partner and work through someof the problems on the board?”

Most students simply immediately went with the same friendsthey always did. Frank looked in Diana’s direction hopefully, as did Hannah andBarbara who sought to make a group of three, but Diana only had eyes for oneperson.

“So.” Diana said, standing over table. “You don’t appear tohave a partner at the moment. Allow me to help you.”

“Partner?” Akko looked up from her notebook and cocked herhead. “Wait, we’re doing group stuff?”

“You should really pay better attention. It would be problematicif you failed, especially in regard to your games, would it not?”

Akko huffed. “I don’t need you to tell me that. I can keepmy grades up just fine on my own!”

“I was not saying you couldn’t. But in any case, the teacherintends for us to work in pairs for this assignment, so…”

Akko shoved her things to the side of the table to give Dianaa place to set her own notebook down, and the blonde gracefully took her seat.She looked calm and serene, which was surprising given the frantic thoughts runningthrough her head.

It didn’t surprise either of them how begrudgingly Akko wentthrough the questions, with Diana mostly just trying to convince her of the valueof hard work as an extant concept. In about five minutes, the most they hadmanaged to accomplish was putting both their names down on top of the paper.

“I just don’t get why teachers like to cram us with allthese little assignments…” Akko said, twirling her pencil around. “I mean, sheprobably won’t even check this at the end, so it’s a little pointless, isn’tit?”

“They’re not pointless.It’s important to have practice with these concepts if you’re going to understandthem for the exams.”

“Yeah, but her instructions make no sense anyway. What even is this stupid equation she wants us todo? Like it’s all these weird G’s and x’s…how do you keep these straight?”

Diana glanced down at Akko’s notebook. Interspersed throughall the cutesy doodles, Akko had made an attemptto copy down the equations Lukić wrote on the board. Though not all of them, andwith one of the most crucial ones, she had simply stopped halfway through.

“Take this one for example, Akko.” She gestured to it. “It’sover r squared, not just over r.”

“What? But she said…”

“Here, if think of it more like this, it should make iteasier to follow.”

What happened next was mostly Diana’s fault. She neverreally did group projects, so shewasn’t even thinking when she started writing in her notebook in front of herwithout moving it. She actually had caught herself and was about to tilt thepage so Akko could actually see what she was doing, but Akko had already leanedover, unintentionally pressing their shoulders together.

(Diana’s heart was pounding again. Mother would be ashamedif she knew how weak her baby girl had become…)

“Oohhh! Is that how you’re supposed to do it?” Akko asked, eithernot noticing or not caring that she was all but leaning atop of the other girl.“That’s not how they taught it at my last school. Weird.”

“It…” Diana nodded. “I suppose I can imagine some of the…erm,letters and such and such might change depending on the…the language. That’s whyit’s important to practice, after all.”

“Yeah, but you did a better job explaining it than Mrs. Lukićdid. I guess I’ll have to remember this way for later then. Thanks.”

Akko took her notebook for a moment so she could copy downthe explanation into her own notes, and she quickly flashed Diana a gratefulsmile as she settled back into her own seat.

(oh god, her hair smelled really nice.)

“Think nothing of it,” is what Diana said at last. “…So.Aside from this, how have you been…adjusting to the new school?”

Akko simply shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess. I miss my oldfriends, but I met a lot of nice people here already, so it’s not so bad. Yourguys’ lacrosse team is a lot better than my old one at least!”

“You enjoy lacrosse then?” And what a shockingly goodquestion to ask her that was, because obviously she carried the stick aroundjust for fun.

But thankfully, Akko leapt at the chance to talk. “It’s the greatestsport there is! We’re totally gonna be going to nationals soon, I’m sure of it!I’m gonna be the best player on the entire team before the end of the year.”

“That’s…a lofty goal. But it’s good to set your sights high.After all, you don’t get the things you dream of, you get the things you workfor.”

Akko gasped excitedly at the lyric. “Oh my gosh, do you listento Chariot’s albums too?!”

“I’ve…overheard a song or two, yes. I just thought it seemedrelevant to the conversation.”

Akko laughed out loud. “You know, you’re a nicer person thanI thought, Diana! We should do more group stuff together some time!”

“Oh, that would be nice. I’d really like to spend more timegetting to know you better.”

“Really…?” Akko looked at her curiously.

Diana clamped her mouth shut. The calm expression she tried to take was betrayed by the visiblyhot blush spreading across her features.

No, she couldn’t lose her calm here. Friends could want toget to know each other better too, after all. Right? And every second she sather staring silently at Akko made her look more guilty. All she needed to dowas calmly explain what she meant in that context.

“I-”

“5 more minutes!” Lukić called out. “I expect you all to haveeverything answered…”

Akko quickly snapped back to her. “Oh shoot, we gotta finishour assignment, right?”

“Right. Right, the assignment.”

Diana picked up her pencil and set to work, and after a moment,Akko tossed Diana’s notebook back with the rest of Diana’s stuff, and set to helpingher finish.

Fortunately, they managed to finish all the questions intime.

After the assignments were collected, everyone returned totheir seats. And as for Diana, she spent much of the remainder of class stewingin her own gay frustration. She must have run through the entire conversationin her head 5 times a minute, picking apart every stupid thing she said. Shewas supposed to be good at speech,how did she do so bad at talking to one person? Akko must think she’s an idiotnow.

Lukić told them to remember to bring their textbooks fornext class, and Diana moved to write it in her notebook. But she paused, lookingat the top margin.

That note written there…that definitely was not her handwriting.She looked at the note more closely. It read;

‘got a game Friday at4pm!! you should come cheer me on! :3

Akko ♪’

Diana could not stop the grin from taking over her face. Hannahand Barbara would never understand the intensity in which she stared at thescribble at the top of the page.

She spent the rest the night trying to lay the perfectoutfit out for Friday.

[producerguk]

pendulum, epilogue

➝ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

➝ genre: angst, fluff

➝ warnings: swearing

➝ word count: 5,7K

 » it’s hard to move on from something you thought you would always have. you have to decide whether to fight for it or let it go. 

➝ a/n: this is the final part of pendulum; i’m very proud of the outcome, given everything i’d originally thought. i’d like to thank @btsflufflysmut for editing. i hope you enjoy it; let me know what you think. 

➝ playlist 

part 1 

“Vanilla or cappuccino?” Joohyun asks when she stumbles upon you, wandering around her apartment at three in the morning.

“Don't you have an early schedule today?” you ask, dropping your weight down on the couch.

“Yeah, but what's the fun in having my best friend as my roommate again if I don't get to binge eat?” she teases, opening the fridge to get your favorite flavor of ice cream.

“Movie or reality show?” you turned the TV on, not paying attention to the drama playing.

“I think it's best if we talk, don’t you?” She throws a silver spoon your way, digging her own in the white cream.

“Joohyun…”

“You’ve been here almost two weeks and you still haven’t told me how you feel,” she sighs, mouth full and wearing a frown, her stare filled with worry.

“I know, I just…”

“I don't care about how you broke up — or what he told you. I do care about what’s on your mind, though. I hate seeing you like this.”  

You let out a heavy sigh, letting the ice cream melt onto your tongue as you force yourself to think back on the feelings that still kept you up at night. Joohyun bites down on her lips, expectantly waiting for you to finally share the reason you still cried and ended up seeking comfort in her bed, every night.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get over him,” you confess, and she calls your name, resting her hand on your knee with a pout on her pink lips. “It's not that I think I’m not enough, or he’s the last dick on earth-,”

“Good, because he isn't,” she cuts you off, leaning her head on your shoulder as she takes another spoon of ice cream. “There’s pussy too.”

“It’s because I forgave him that same day we talked,” you ignore her remarks, sighing to hide a smile. “And I miss him like crazy, Hyun.”

“Of course you will, baby,” Joohyun pats your thigh, her voice no louder than a whisper. “You guys dated for two years, it's only natural.”

You run your fingers through her hair as you dug into the ice cream again, letting your eyes fall on the TV. You didn’t bring yourself to say it, but what made it worse was not being sure if you even wanted to get over him. Your heart ached every time you remembered why he wasn't beside you, the only thing keeping you from going back being your stubbornness and hurt pride.

“Jungkook definitely misses you too,” Joohyun says, honesty bathing her eyes and words. “But I think you should give yourself a chance of being happy without him.”

“Thanks, Hyun-ah,” you whisper, kissing the top of her head.

Despite the memories that messed up your sleeping schedule and clouded your judgment, Joohyun was right. You decide to give your thoughts a break, focusing on the movie you’d watched a thousand times before, binge eating ice cream and cuddling your best friend.

Giving in to your feelings could wait for another night.

┈

You wake up with your phone ringing, resisting the urge of throwing it against the wall again, unwilling to waste so much money in less than two weeks. You answer, not looking at the ID of the caller.

“I better be rich or someone’s gonna be dead,” you threaten with a raspy voice caused by sleep, moving to the other side of the bed, wrapping yourself on the blankets.

“You’re rich with my love,” the other person jokes, bringing a wide smile to your lips as you recognized who it was.

Park Jimin.

“Oh, hey, how are you?” You ask him, propping yourself up on the bed.

“I’m good, although I really miss you.”

“I miss you too, Chim.”

It wasn't a lie. Out of everyone you met while dating Jungkook, Jimin was the one you got along with the best, becoming one of your best friends not long after. Namjoon even used to joke you should be dating Jimin instead of the maknae.

“How about we meet? We can go to that coffee shop you love and talk about how talented Taemin is.”

“You had me on coffee,” you laugh, getting out of the bed, already looking for some clothes.

“I’ll pick you up in fifteen. Wear something warm, it's cold outside,” he says, and you heard a door closing in the distance.

“See you in fifteen.”

 For the second time that week, you allowed yourself to take a break from Jungkook and all the overwhelming thoughts in your mind. Seeing Jimin after everything was certainly going to raise up a few eyebrows, but you didn't care.

The world could kiss Jungkook’s ass about his ex-girlfriend meeting his band mate for coffee. You were dying to see Jimin again and no rumours would stop you from doing so.

┈

You loved cotton candy skies. The light shade of pink mixing up with blue and purple, a few stars appearing alongside the moon, slowly saying goodbye to the sun and welcoming the night. You felt at peace. A way for the sky to assure you everything would be fine, someday. The bitter coffee warmed your insides, creating a contrasting tone with the almost cold wind that hit the rooftop patio of the coffee shop.

Besides the strong coffee that never failed to please your senses, the aesthetic of the place got a hold on you. The rooftop was reserved for only a few customers, a way the owners found to repay the love and kindness in which you treated them. Having known them ever since your high school years, they treated you like a daughter and took your idea, decorating the rooftop with countless flowers and little plants, small lanterns illuminating each wooden table, alongside small cacti and a few magazines and books.

“I missed this place,” you confess, holding the black mug filled with coffee.

“I missed your cute face,” Jimin tells you, drinking his mocha to suppress a smile his eyes failed to hide.

“How are you? How are the boys? I miss your annoying faces.”

“We all miss you. We’re working hard for the comeback, it's in a couple of weeks, and we haven't gotten where we wanted to, yet.”

“But isn't the album ready?”

“Yeah, but Jungkook keeps messing up the choreo and his solos so much that we end-,” he doesn't finish, biting his lips and closing his eyes, cursing himself for mentioning him. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up.”

“It's okay, Chim,” you assure him, forcing yourself to smile. “I don't mind.”

At least that's what you told yourself. The first step to forget about Jungkook was holding no grudges and not wishing he choked on his own spit. It was the only rule you had, and your heart lived by it. So far, you were doing ok, but didn't mean it didn't hurt.

“He showed me the choreo once, it was solid,” you try to force Jimin to continue. You had to know how Jungkook was doing, that being your best way of trying, indirectly.

“Yeah, but his head is not in the comeback anymore,” Jimin mumbles, running his hand through his black hair, probably wondering if he should tell you.

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.”

“He’s fucked up,” sighing, he looks at the sky as he remembers his best friend’s behavior. “Ever since you left he’s been staying at the dorm. He’s not eating, he can’t control his emotions when he sings, and he doesn't sleep. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Is this why you called me?” You ask him, unconsciously wishing he would beg for you to contact Jungkook — you would gladly do so.

“What? No. Listen, Jungkook is my best friend, but he deserves it,” Jimin assures you, holding your hand. “He fucked things up and I would never ask you to give him another chance because he’s having to deal with the consequences of his mistakes,” he sighs, looking deeply into your eyes. “He’ll get over it.”

“Will I, though?” You let out, your eyes filling with tears at the image of him getting it as hard as you, if not more. “I miss him a lot, Chim. Sometimes I wish we could go back in time and re-do everything we did wrong.”

“I know that, but don’t you think it is best to try to find your peace without Jungkook? I mean, you guys lost yourselves in each other.”

“Joohyun said the same thing,” you were reminded, biting your lip as you looked at the moon, much more visible now on the darker sky.

“Why don’t you try with her?”

What?

You looked at him as if he’d told he was pregnant. It was absurd. Joohyun was your best friend, and an idol. It would be impossible.

“What? You guys always seemed to have a sexual tension,” Jimin laughs, his eyes almost closing as his teeth appeared. “And we both know she would fuck you on sight, come on.”

“Chim, she’s an idol. It’s impossible.”

“Bitch, you dated Jungkook on the low for almost a year, what the hell are you talking about?”

You shake your head. It would be too much, even for you. You had a thing for Joohyun ever since you met her, in her trainee years. It didn't disappear when you started dating Jungkook, and Joohyun started dating Seulgi, and both of them always joking around about a foursome, with you being the one that kept it from happening. But even now, you weren't sure that would happen.

“I don’t know, Jimin.”

“I wouldn't pass the opportunity,” he jokes, taking a bite of the cake you shared. “But seriously, think about it. You deserve to move on.”

“I certainly will,” you laughed, not sure about which of the sentences you had agreed on.

┈

[07/03 11:23AM] JEONGGUK: i’m sorry.

[07/15 04:33AM] JEONGGUK: i love you.

[07/31 03:21PM] JEONGGUK: i miss you.

[08/17 02:08AM] JEONGGUK: i hope you’re doing okay.

[08/26 10:32AM] JEONGGUK: fuck, i still love you.

[Today 9:51PM] JEONGGUK: i hope you’re having the best time of your life.

Don’t pick up. Don’t pick up. Don’t pick up — it’s your mantra, at 00:21AM. The feelings that washed over your body with the small display of affection from him had you dialing the number known by heart. You had nothing in mind to say to Jungkook, but the call was still on, every ring making your breath hitch in your throat.

The sound suddenly became cold, a low breathing on the other side of the line, a sad melody playing in the background. He had picked up. You bite your lip, running your hands through your hair locks, unsure of which step to take next.

“Hey,” Jungkook whispers, so low you doubted he really had said something.

“Hi,” your tone isn’t higher than his.

You slowly moved out of the bed, careful not to wake Joohyun. Sitting down on the couch, you allow yourself to inhale a deep breath, still unsure of what to say.

“How have you been?”

“How are you?”

Both of you ask together, causing each other to chuckle lightly, slowly easing the tension in the atmosphere. Butterflies flew in your stomach at the sound of his laugh, making you doubt if you were entertained by your awkwardness or by him.

“It’s been a long time, huh?” He says, hanging on to every word. You could almost imagine him lying in bed, a hand under his head as he bit his lips, eyes locked in the ceiling.

“What are you doing?” You couldn't help yourself.

“I’m staring at the stars, they’re beautiful tonight.”

“I can see the moon from the couch,” you sigh, biting your lip as you hugged your knees, eyes locked on the satellite through the window glasses.

“Is the same apartment you lived together before, right?” He asks and you nod, aware he wasn’t able to see. “It has a great view.”

“Do you remember when you used to build forts in the living room just because you wanted to look at the sky without actually having to go outside?”

“It was winter, it was cold,” he defends.

“It was the middle of the summer, Gguk,” you laughed, reminded of how hot it got under the covers.

Fuck.

“You’re lying,” he joked, acting as if he hadn't heard you calling him by his nickname after so long. “It was literally snowing and I have videos to prove it.”

“You always film everything, god.”

“I have to remember the good times. And sometimes it's too beautiful to let it slide.”

He was always taking pictures and making little movies in his spare time. Most of them involved you and his friends, the people he loved. You heart stung with flashes of the times he’d held cameras for you, his smile wide behind the lenses, his eyes shining brighter than the full moon in the darkest sky.

“You’re happy, right?” Jungkook asked once the silence settled again, your heartstrings jumping and breaking.

Were you? Joohyun was funny, lovable and always there, despite her schedule. You felt okay, although dark days always crept their way to you in the night, your tossing and turning in bed unable to shake the bad thoughts away.

“I’m trying to be,” you were honest, exhaling a breath you had no idea how long you had held in.

“I want you to be happy, okay?” Jungkook says, the sound of his footsteps on the marble floor telling you he was moving around in his own bedroom. “I fucked up with you, but that doesn't mean everyone else will too. Give happiness a chance.”

“I know.”

You did, but knowing that did not fill the emptiness you felt. He felt guilty for gifting you with trust issues and self-doubt; for leaving under the same circumstances he found you in.

“You deserve to be happy too.” Saying that wasn’t easy when you still wanted him to be happy with you. “I forgive you.”

“It doesn't ease my heart to hear that,” Jungkook whispers, his sobs and the weakness in his voice giving away that he was crying.

“You’ll always have me, okay?” You confess, forcing your own tears back. “I’ll always love you. Do you remember that promise we made?”

“On our birthday?” He remembers, sniffing away his troubled thoughts. “You told me you were mine.”

“I will always be yours, one way or another,” you whisper, closing your eyes and moving your head to the back of the couch. “Nobody ever loved me like you did and I’ve never loved someone as much as I love you. And to be honest, I don't think I can.”

“But I hurt you so bad. W-why do you still feel like t-this?” He stutters on his words, tied knots wrapped around both your throats.

“Because you’re home, Jungkook,” you cry, hugging yourself tighter. “You will always be my home.”

“No one can ever replace you,” he promises, as lowly as you.

You stayed in silence, both digesting the words that left your mouths. Could you ever be as happy with someone new as you were with him, despite everything? Would you ever move on and leave your romantic feelings behind? Should you?

“You are my home too,” Jungkook says, more controlled with his emotions. “I’ll always be here for you, in every way, with all of me.”

“Thank you.”

You end the call. That wasn't the emotional roller coaster you had signed up for. In your head, you would fight and tell him to move on, lying your way out of his life even if meant hurting him. But you ended up by confessing the feelings you still tried to suppress, making more promises you could never break.

┈

Ceremony Awards were your private hell on earth. Being a part of the legal team under IU’s management, you were used to being in the background with two phones in hand in case the cameras caught something they weren’t supposed to — which wasn’t impossible to have happen since the woman loved some public action.

“Please, no runs for the bathroom this time,” you beg her as another girl fixed up her dress, both fighting to suppress a smile.

“Sit by my side, then,” she offers, putting a strand of her hair behind her ear, an innocent smile on her red lips. “This way, if I need to relieve myself, you can just come with and keep an eye open for any party breaker.”

“Who buys your face doesn’t buy your nymphomaniac personality,” you joke, typing away on the company’s phone to see if her plan should have a go.

“People love a cutie on the streets and a freak on the sheets, what can I say?” Jieun laughs, already looking around the place for a possible lay. “But you’re good now, right? Your break was long.”

The whole world knew who you were, if not for being one of IU’s staff, then for being Jungkook’s girlfriend. As soon as the picture of the woman, who wasn't you, sucking Jungkook’s dick trended all over the internet, the company asked for you to take a break from work, as a way to not stain their best act’s image — since you were always seen together. You wanted to drown in work to help you forget everything, but you were forced to stay in hiding, having all the time in the world to think about Jungkook’s cheating and wallow in self-pity. They only allowed you to come back after two months, when people were already over the cheating of the year.

“Yeah, I’m good. Time is really a remedy,” you tell her, checking the phone for a confirmation that you were free to sit alongside her, although you should be kept in the shadows for your own safety.

“Shitty that every medicine can cause an overdose if in large doses,” Jieun mumbles, clearly bitter with your ex-boyfriend.

She was the one to introduce Jungkook to you. A rookie on the team, you were still struggling to not mess everything up on the award, an eye attentive to her every move and the other on possible crows, thirsty to ruin the image of the nation’s golden girl. Jieun brought you to him in the backstage, begging to congratulate BTS on their performance, after the ceremony was over. You fell for her enthusiasm and humbleness, happy to lead the way to the seven men about to receive a compliment from her.

You barely got to talk to their representatives about the whole deal when she pulled your arm and practically threw you into Jungkook — a smug smile as she babbled an “you’re welcome” to the man, that kept his hands on your elbows, to prevent you from falling straight to his chest.

After that night, Jieun was happy to be his beard to every date you had, but always denying the rumours that came up. She was the first to express her support for your relationship when Jungkook willingly let your name slip during a live, causing people to realize what happened behind the curtains.

“You don't have to be mad with him,” you told her, smiling truthfully. “I’m good now.”

Jieun said something back, but everything came to a halt when you saw the movement behind her. Namjoon had just passed, walking straight to his designed seat, nodding and waving politely to people he crossed paths with — the rest of BTS closely behind.

Your eyes fell in Jungkook’s, slowly walking and waving to the rest of the cameras on the red carpet. He looked like a god, his smile so radiant and contagious. You almost forgot the faint dimples he had on his cheek. His red hair blew you away, the rest of his forehead and the eyebrows displayed in such harmony with the rest of his face. He fixed his suit and gave them a final wave, entering backstage with his head down and no smile, avoiding everything and following Taehyung’s shadowy silhouette.

Your heart ached, about to explode in your chest. Suddenly, the air was rarefied, the room too warm and your thoughts too fast. He was motherfucking ethereal. Your sweating hands and jelly knees made you leave Jieun talking to herself, being the one to take a run for the bathroom to try to compose yourself.

Despite what anyone could think, you weren't hurt by his image. You were excited — maybe even turned on. He looked better than you’d ever seen before, even if clearly surrounded by the heavy gray cloud in his mind. All you thought about was if he still smelt the same, if his skin was still as smooth and warm as your mind remembered. All you could think was if his mouth was still as sweet and soft, if his hands would find your weak spots and how long it would take him to make you see star again.  

After washing the sweat off your face countless times, you exit the bathroom, looking around to see if destiny was on your side and brought him to you. But you let out a heavy sight with a bit of disappointment when your eyes lay on Seokjin, rather than Jungkook.

“You look amazing,” he compliments, leaning in to give you a hug and checking out your black and white suit, perfectly designed for running after sasaengs and breaking their noses.

“You’re one to talk,” you laugh, brushing invisible dust off his head-to-toe Gucci set.

“We should hang out someday — catch up and everything,” Jin invites, fixing his hair with a smile painted on his lips. “It’s been almost a year, already.”

“I think so too, I miss your cooking skills,” you joke, playfully punching his arm.

“I miss your drinking skills, brat.”

“I gotta go find Jieun, but take care, okay?” You tell him, looking down at the unread texts vibrating on your phone.

“You too,” he kisses your head, gently squeezing your shoulders. “Don’t forget me.”

“Never, Jinnie,” you promise him, imitating his blowing kiss as you walk away, his laugh filling the room with sweetness.

You wouldn't. Even with how things turned out, meeting Bangtan was one of the things you were most grateful for — and that, you wouldn't take for granted.

┈

Jungkook keeps an eye on his figure in the mirror, letting a few sighs out of his mouth as the staff sets up his harness. He could barely recognize the guy standing in front of him.

So much had happened in the last year that he felt like a different man. Losing you caused him to lose many other things, too. A huge amount of his fans took your side, reasonably, and the hate he got was massive. His relationship with his friends changed since they no longer bothered to protect him as much, letting him take full responsibility for his actions.

But that caused him to grow up, faster than he would’ve acknowledged. Most songs on the new album had a part of him, the little movies he made were filled with meaning — he wanted to remind everyone of who he was, and who he loved. Yoongi even told him he was different, that he was a better version of his past.

He dyed his hair as a way of burying his old self, his mistakes and fears. Jimin told him it would help, that changing something about his appearance was the first step to being completely healed, so he did.

Bright red, almost pink. He aimed for forest fire, but hit cherry blossoms — it meant you, either way. Forest fire for burning everything to ashes, for the destruction he caused, for the way his heart felt beside yours. Cherry blossoms just for you.

“She’s back with IU,” Jin says, snapping Jungkook out of his thoughts. “And she’s still pretty as hell.” Jimin laughs, agreeing.

“I think she will probably hang around at the after party,” Yoongi says, adjusting his choker. “We should stay for a bit.”

Jungkook blocks out the rest of their talk, cleaning his sweaty hands on his leather pants. You were there, hidden somewhere backstage, probably three phones in hand and watching IU as a hawk. The first time you both shared the same roof in over a year.

Would you watch their performance? Congratulate them after, highlighting the better parts and hugging each of them, like you used to? Would you see him?

The thought of you somewhere in the crowd, eyes locked on him, made Jungkook shiver. His heartbeat quickened and the anxiety that washed over him was for the performance.

“You guys are up in forty seconds,” a staff chimes in, adjusting his mic and looking for anything out of the ordinary.

It was showtime.

That meant he had to focus now — the setlist, the choreo and the lyrics taking over his thoughts, pushing you to the back of his mind. Going over as many times as he could before actually stepping foot on stage. The boys gathered around in a circle and pulled him in, professing encouraging words and shouting the group’s name, briefly sharing hugs and smiles as they went to their positions.

The shouting of the crowd was louder than ever when the lights came on, his solo eager for them to continue, as he followed the steps he himself had come up with. Jungkook didn't look to his colleagues once during the first three songs, too focused in his own mind and the adrenaline in his veins — that, strangely, brought peace to his heart.

But now is the fourth song, and they have to interact with the fans, gathered on a small area in front of the stage. His shyness takes over, without a reason to. Hoseok notices his flushed cheeks and waves to Jungkook to sit beside him, feet hanging off the platform. As he bends to sit, the lights come out his focus and he has a clearer image of his fellow idols watching their performance and the fans below, crying and screaming profanities about their wardrobe choice. He laughs when someone shouts something about Taehyung’s tongue, looking over his band mate to see if he’d caught it too. And that’s when he sees you.

On the other edge of the stage, right beside Jieun. Although the cameras and lights are focused on her, to Jungkook it’s you that shines the brightest. Time stops when he focuses his gaze on you, especially on the wide smile adorning your red lips. All the butterflies in his belly come alive and before he knows, he’s mirroring your smile. His heart is as steady as when he’s asleep, the adrenaline replaced by all the excitement and wonder your starry eyes brings him.

And then you give him a shy wave, running your tongue over your lips, pride for him showing off in every action you made. He gets on his feet and bends over, bowing to you from across the room, his smile so wide it’s impossible to hide.

After that, every pair of eyes in the room are attentive to your interaction. But Jungkook doesn't care, he keeps his eyes locked on you until their performance ends. You look breathtaking, even in your suit. The way you silently congratulate him with thumbs up and small reactions makes him feel alive again, waking up the part of him that’s been asleep the whole time you’ve been gone.

┈

You only move after the ceremony comes to an end, Jieun with an arm intertwined with yours, a huge smile on her face for the award she won. You bow to every idol that comes up to congratulate her and the staff, sharing educated smiles as they go find their way to the after party.

“Okay, I gotta do something now,” she tells you, observing your reaction. “Please, come with.”

“The party? I don’t know…”

“No,” she shakes it off, biting her lips in anticipation. “Come congratulate Bangtan with me. I don’t want to deal with my exes on the way there and you scare them off.”

You almost laughed at her obviousness, but you maintain your facade. You never wanted something more. In one of your weekly meetings, Jimin told you how hard they were trying, how much the last album took from them. Seeing them perform with such ease and passion almost had you on your knees, so proud of the outcome of their hard work. All you wanted was to hug every single one of them and tell them they brought art to the stage, in its purest form.

“The things I do to keep my job,” you joke, already walking to the dressing rooms.

“I love you, you asshole,” Jieun nudges you, laughing lightly.

You look around, still checking for paparazzi in the room. Luckily, they were banned backstage, but you still had to make sure none could capture you and Jieun going in — simply to avoid any rumor.

As soon as you passed through the black curtains, a weight was lifted from your shoulders. The staff gives you nods of recognition and allows you to make your way to the last dressing room, where BTS was in. You didn’t have to check to be sure — they always opted for it because it was closer to the bathroom. You knocked on the open door to announce your presence, a wide smile on your lips as the men turned to face you, mirroring your reaction.

“You killed it!” You congratulate Jimin as he comes to hug you, picking you up from the floor, laughs filling the room.

“It was breathtaking,” you hug the rest of them, taking your time. “Tae, your vocals blew me away, what the hell.”

“Did you like the second song?” Hoseok asks when you kiss his cheek, a heart-warming smile painted on his lips. “I made it, every piece of it.”

“It was my favorite!” You confess, laughing as Jieun agrees, resting her hands on Taehyung’s shoulder.

But before anyone can say anything else, the steps that followed made the room freeze in expectation, serious faces glancing between you and something behind you. The perfume gives him away, the smell of flowers and vanilla clouding your senses. You slowly turn to face him, unconsciously holding your breath and biting your lips.

His starry eyes are solely focused on you, as if there wasn't anyone else in the room. He smiles shyly, not showing his teeth. You thought he looked good when you first saw him tonight and during the performance. But to see him up close, eyes and smiles only on you, his cherry red hair falling on the sides of his face leaving his forehead showing, the eyebrows so perfectly drawn and on display, it was an out-of-body experience.

You were sure that Jungkook was the face that every single poet and artist used as their muse. He was art.

“Hey,” you both say together, chuckling; stupid smiles adorning your faces, mad butterflies on your belly.

He bows as you take a step closer, unaware of how much you wanted to hug him — though he doesn't freeze when you wrap your arms around his frame, taking him in. Jungkook hugs you back, his hands wrapped around your waist and face hidden on your hair, as you hide your own on the crook of his neck, allowing his perfume and natural smell to drown you completely. Despite the heart attack you thought you might have, his embrace calms you, the butterflies chilling with the comfort of home.

“Your hair looks amazing,” you confess, distancing yourself just enough to take a look at the color, slowly running your fingers through his locks.

“You look beautiful,” he whispers giving you his bunny smile, his hands still on your waist.

“I loved the stage, your presence was out of this world.”

“Thank you,” he moves a hand to your hair, taking it away from your face to see your rosy cheeks. “It means a lot to me.”

You could kiss him, right now. You wanted to. His lips were rosy and plump, slightly open from his grin. His eyes wavering between your eyes and your mouth, still so close you felt his warm breath on your skin.

That’s when you knew it was gone, the fear of not being enough. Right there, in his arms, his stare as if you were the most precious thing he’d ever seen, the way his breath mirrored yours, the hand on his neck giving away your hearts beating at the same pace. Right there, in his arms, you found home again.

“Go out with me,” you ask him, locking your eyes on his, words no louder than a whisper. “We can go to that coffee shop we had our first date, the one with the rooftop.”

“No,” Jungkook tells you. You can hear your heart breaking before he circles your cheeks, with a cocky smile. “Let me cook for you.”

“Since when do you cook?” You tease, trying to hide how close you were to crying from his joke.

“You made me begin when you told Jimin you would only marry if it was with someone who can cook.”

“I have this effect on you, huh?”

“Always.”

You smile and hug him again, hiding away in him chest as he laughs lightly, feeling fully alive for the first time in a while. He spins you on the ground, as a way to hide himself from his friends, leaving you to face them. They have huge smiles on their faces, watching attentive to both your actions. Jimin gives you a thumb up as Yoongi mumbles a “kiss him” and laughs. You hide more in Jungkook chest, defying whoever said two bodies can’t exist in the same space, and he keeps drawing circles on your waist, allowing both of you to recover from the lack of each other in the past year.

You lift your head, kissing his cheek before returning to the crook of his neck, your hands tugging on his black button up to keep him closer. He lets a heavy sigh out, kissing your forehead.

“I’m never letting you go again.”

“Me neither.”

[andthest0ryg0es]

This Isn’t Happening - Chapter 14

My sincere apologies for the LONG wait between chapters. Real Life and writing with @ohh-la-la-leto sidetrack me a lot. :) There’s only a few chapters left of this story and I’m hoping to post them all over the next couple months. THANK YOU, dear readers, for sticking with me and continuing to like and share my writing. It means more than you know. <3

   Two weeks ago Jared had gone hiking with a few female friends and snap chatted the whole day. Twitter had delighted in trying to figure out which of them may have been the one dressed as Robin at the party. Jen was both relieved that the identity of Robin was still a secret and annoyed that people assumed he must be fucking every female friend he has. Jared was posting pretty regularly on social media while they were apart, and it was nice to sort of relax into talking with her friends about the upcoming album and tour. She avoided the girlfriend subject entirely and no one minded or seemed to take particular notice.

She knew Jared was trolling her twitter account and she briefly thought about making it private and telling him to fuck off but she figured he’d probably already seen the worst of it and she may as well own her enthusiastic echelon status. If there was one thing Jared and Mars had taught her, it was to be herself. She knew he was viewing her account because he would sometimes text her with answers to questions or comments about the band that she was RTing like any echelon would. When will the new album be out? “Soon. :)” Where’s Shannon, we miss him. “I tried to talk Shannon into getting snapchat, he said it was stupid. :( Maybe I can convince him to start posting coffee facts again at least...” I wonder what tattoo Jared is going to get for the new era. “I have that planned already, actually. You want to be there when I get it done? Take some pics for me?” She’d nearly fallen out of her chair for that one. Watching Jared Leto get a tattoo might just be the limit of what her fangirl heart could take.

No one had posted or discussed the Halloween pics in awhile and Jared and friend’s snaps and Instagram stories from Thanksgiving, with no Robin in sight, seemed to convince the echelon it was a one night sort of thing. That narrative pissed her off more than the “which fabulous female friend is he fucking” one because it was quickly becoming tiring that everyone online thought they “knew him” and had an opinion on his life. And yes, Jen was well aware of how hypocritical that sounded given her twitter history but circumstances change and she’d definitely learned a thing or two about Jared, and even Shannon and Tomo, that the internet had gotten just so wrong.

Between secret projects and many late nights working to finish up the album by their deadline, Jared was just as busy as she was during their month apart. Inconveniently, his schedule was usually very opposite to hers as well. This resulted in a lot of sleepy late night or early morning phone calls where one or both of them were too tired to do much more than small talk. Jared made up for it in other ways though. Teacher appreciation week at her school was a bigger hit than ever when an “anonymous donor” sent a different food truck each day to feed all the staff. She came home each Friday night to a beautiful bouquet of flowers at her doorstep. And two weeks in when she’d complained that the t-shirt she stole from him didn’t smell like him anymore she received a package that night containing a t-shirt in a sealed ziplock bag with a sticky note attached that just said “xo.”

Throughout the month apart it seemed her nervousness for their planned time together evolved a different reasoning every week. The first week she obsessed over whether or not planning to spend a month for all intents and purposes living with a famous, rich boyfriend she’d only been with for three months was an entirely sensible idea or really just made her a slut and a gold-digger. Jared assured her on multiple occasions that she was clearly neither of those things. Week two and three she worried about being outed as Jared’s girlfriend and what that meant for her privacy and online social life. Jared suggested making her twitter and other accounts private before December was probably not the worst idea. She tried not to go CSI: Echelon on him when she pointed out he wouldn’t be able to see her tweets anymore then and he said that it wouldn’t be a problem.

Now she was down to simply being terrified about meeting Constance. She couldn’t recall having met a boyfriend’s parents anytime since high school. And Constance was an absolute icon, someone the echelon really looked up to. She didn’t talk to Jared about this particular fear much because the one time she brought it up all he did was gush about how awesome his mom was for half an hour and yes, Jared, she already knows that. That’s what all the nerves are about! So instead she circled back to asking him if he was sure about her invading his space for a full month and complaining that the sticky note path Shannon had helped her make so she wouldn't get lost had been removed in her absence. Jared was more than reassuring that it would be fun, he would make sure she didn’t get lost and yes, a month long “date” is maybe not traditional but what about him was? By the end of their time apart she was truly excited for their next month together.

Jen managed to pack fairly lightly thanks to a few reminders and packing tips from Jared and his tour experience. A couple of Xanax before her flight balanced out by a Starbucks, and omg was she looking forward to an unlimited supply of Black Fuel for the next month, and she was on her way.

“Sweetheart!” Jared called out to her as she ran to him from the car in his driveway. Jen threw herself into his arms, wrapped her arms around his neck and refused to let go, even as he walked out to pick up her bags and tip the driver for delivering her safely to him.

“I missed you,” she mumbled into his neck as he maneuvered them inside the house.

“I can tell,” he smirked, prying her arms off of him and kissing her. “You sure you’re ready for a whole month of the craziness around here?”

“I’m very much looking forward to it. Besides, I can just hide in your room whenever I want, right?” she asked.

“Okay, so don’t take this the wrong way...” Jared said as he guided her down the hallway with his hand on her back and Jen tensed. He ran his hand up and down her back soothingly as he opened the door to one of the first rooms off the end of the hall, before it splits into the labyrinth of passageways that leads to the back of the house. “You have a tendency to get lost in the back of the house and I thought since you’re going to be here for awhile you might want your own space where you can actually find it.”

The room was beautiful, definitely bigger than his, with a king size bed and lots of pretty blue accents all around the room, her favorite color. She could see what she guessed were Shayla’s touches in the room, from the makeup vanity to the cute flower curtains. Jen was pretty sure she remembered it being an office last time she was here, so she knew he put a lot of thought into this, even if it was one of the assistants who put it together for her. She spun on her heels and attacked him with a big kiss. “I love it, thank you.”

Jared let out a breath neither of them realized he was holding. “You are welcome to come hide in my room anytime you want, sweetheart. I don’t want you to think I’m banishing you to the other side of the house,” he insisted, wrapping his arms around her and dropping kisses along her neck.

“Hey, I’d have been happy with a little closet space and a drawer for the month but you gave me a whole room. I know you were sick of tripping over my suitcase and all my stuff in your room when I was here for just a week so this is much more practical. Thank you, really,” she said, kissing him again. The look of relief on his face intrigued her. “Were you nervous about this? That’s adorable,” she commented, patting his cheek.

Jared blushed. “Stevie and Shannon were taking bets on how fast you’d run out the door. They said I was going too ‘Christian Grey’ on you, whatever that means.”

Jen laughed but blushed and hid her face in his chest. “Really, Jared? Does everyone know I submit to you in the bedroom?” she asked shyly.

“Um... They know my proclivities and they know you’re dating me. I think most people just put 2 and 2 together, sweetheart,” he explained, hugging her reassuringly. “You want some time to unpack or would you like to come join us in the studio? We’ve got a couple more hours probably.”

“Oh, I’m definitely coming to the studio. Come on,” Jen answered excitedly, dropping her things at the foot of the bed and grabbing Jared’s hand to pull him out of the room. Of course, she barely made it down the hall before she quietly let Jared take the lead because she was lost again. Jared smiled knowingly and pulled her along behind him into the lab.

“Guys, Jen, Jen, guys,” Jared said by way of introductions, pointing to a couch off to the side where she could sit. “Who changed this configuration? I was gone five minutes!” Jared asked, instantly absorbed in his work again. Jen pulled her legs up on the couch and rested her chin on her knee, settling in to watch him work.

She wasn’t sure how long passed before she was startled by the couch jumping as a body crashed down onto it next to her and she suddenly found herself wrapped in Shannon’s bear hug. “If you keep staring at him like that I swear I’m gonna puke,” he teased.

“Shut up.” Jen covered her now red face with her hands. “I can’t help it. He’s mesmerizing when he’s in work mode. And honestly, what echelon wouldn't watch him given the chance?”

“I’ve seen echelon watch him work, they don’t make the same heart eyes you do. I can practically see the little hearts floating around your head,” Shannon said quietly, making sure his brother couldn’t overhear.

“Shannon, stop, please. I can’t even... I’m in so far over my head with him. Its been four months and we’ve seen each other like six times in that time. No one is using the ‘L’ word anytime soon so you can keep all that heart talk to yourself, thank you,” she admonished him.

“That’s fine. I just want to make sure you know that you’re different,” Shannon said.

“I know. He makes sure I know it, too,” she replied sweetly.

“Shannon, stop harassing my girlfriend and get back to work,” Jared warned, grabbing Shannon by the collar and playfully pulling him away from her. “You need anything?” Jared asked, checking the time on his phone. “We should be ready to break for dinner soon.”

The word soon made her smile involuntarily as she shook her head. “I’m good.” Jared leaned down and placed a lingering kiss on her lips before returning to work. Jared pushed maybe a little longer than he should have at getting whatever sound it is he’s trying to capture. Everyone was increasingly frustrated and tired by the time Shannon finally approached Jared and whispered something in his ear that made him look over at Jen. She was still in the same spot on the couch, head propped up on her arms which are wrapped around her knees, but her gaze had gone glassy and she wasn’t paying as much attention as she was before.

“Okay guys, lets call it a night,” Jared announced and everyone rushed to shut down the studio and get out of there. Jen was so zoned out that she didn’t even register what was happening until Jamie and Stevie went rushing past her on their way out the door. Only Jared and Shannon remained in the room with her now. “You still with us, sweetheart?” Jared teased as he finished turning off the last of his equipment.

Jen blinked her daze away and sat up, stretching. “Shannon, are you staying for dinner?” she asked, ignoring Jared’s smart remark. Shannon put out his hands for hers and pulled her to standing and then wrapped his arms around her middle, picking her up in a big bear hug that cracked her back satisfyingly. When he set her down she gave him a smaller hug in return.

“You two haven’t had a night together in what, a month? I think if I stayed for dinner tonight Jared might just kill me and carry on with the band without me,” he said with a wink. “Have fun you two,” he called over his shoulder as he exited the studio, flicking the light switch off on his way out, leaving Jared and Jen alone in the dark.

Jen didn’t move, letting her eyes adjust to what little light was streaming into the studio windows from the moon. Jared easily made his way over to her due to his familiarity with the space and wrapped his arms around her. “You hungry?”

“Starving, but I didn’t want to interrupt and I’m not certain I’d have found my way back to my room alone,” she admitted sheepishly.

Jared pulled away for a moment and she heard him rummaging through a drawer before he was suddenly by her side again. He took her hand and as he led her through the halls he stopped at each corner and drew a small arrow with a black sharpie, indicating which way she should go to find her way back. “This is slightly more permanent than sticky notes,” he commented.

“You’re ruining your walls. For me?” she asked while she beamed at him.

“For you. You should be able to find your way to food at least. It’s only three turns. I’ve never met someone with such a bad sense of direction before,” he teased her.

“This place is insane. I’m sure I’ll figure it out given time,” she said as they entered the kitchen. Jared led her to a stool at the counter and pulled it out for her, guiding her to sit and placing a kiss on her temple before he turned to the fridge. He started pulling out ingredients and setting them out on the counter while she leaned over, trying to see what he was doing. “Whatcha got there?”

“Tonight’s menu is homemade guacamole and tortillas with grilled peppers,” he informed her as he set to work cooking. Jen sat back in awe. Jared looked up at her and chuckled. “Yes, there are a few things I can cook,” he said mockingly.

“I didn’t say anything,” she defended angelically. They kept up small talk long enough to get through most of their meal before the tension finally got to her.

“You know, I’m very impressed with the restraint we’ve shown today. I think we proved that we can be adult about our relationship and not just hump each other like bunnies every time we see each other.”

“Well, I have a work deadline and I told you I’d have to be in the studio a lot, that’s why you’re staying for so long,” Jared began defensively but she cut him off by placing her fingers on his lips.

“Jared... fuck me,” she said bluntly.

“Oh, right, yeah,” Jared laughed, scooping her up off the stool and spinning them towards her bedroom. “Another convenient thing about this room; its so much closer to the kitchen,” he said as he opened the door and set her down in front of the bed, kissing her fiercely.

They ripped at each other’s clothing, not bothering to be gentle about stripping down as quickly as possible and molding their naked bodies against each other once more as they fell back onto the bed. Jared pushed the mound of pillows at the head of the bed aside, and reached up. Suddenly Jen found her right wrist encased in a padded leather cuff. She looked up at him in surprise.

“Yet another convenient feature of this room,” he cited with a grin. When she made no further protest he quickly secured her other wrist as well, leaving her spread bare beneath him.

Now that he had her where he wanted her, his pace slowed and she groaned. “Jared, it’s been a month since you’ve touched me. Please don’t tease,” she begged despite her suspicion it would be useless. The evil laugh she got in response confirmed her suspicion, even as he drew his hand down her body to her slick center.

“What do you want?” he asked in that voice that made her clench her thighs together despite his hand between her legs.

“Oh, god, I want to cum for you,” she pleaded, already lost to her desire.

Jared pushed two fingers into her and pumped them in and out slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. The intensity of his gaze held her in place beneath him as he worked her into a frenzy. He swiped his thumb against her clit and she keened, arching her back and closing her eyes uncontrollably, finally breaking his gaze.

“Beg,” he ordered, redoubling his efforts now with his fingers inside her and his thumb against her clit. She devolved into a gasping mess of pleases and curses before he brought his other hand up to her face, holding her chin so she was forced to look him in the eye. He slid his hand down to her neck, applying pressure lightly as he growled the order, “Cum.”

Jen screamed as her body shook with the climax she’d been denied for weeks. Jared kept working her with his fingers, letting up only a little bit in consideration of her post orgasmic sensitivity. As she tried to buck her hips away he applied more pressure to her neck, a feral grin on his face. He controlled her breathing and her body, pinning her legs open with the way he positioned himself between them, holding her at the crest of her pleasure. Seconds later he brought his mouth down to her breast and issued the command again, “Cum!” as he bit down on her left nipple, pulling it taut between his teeth.

Her body bowed beneath him and her mouth opened to scream but no sound came out for several long seconds. Just as she reached the peak and was starting to come down from her second earth shattering orgasm, Jared pulled his hands from her body and lined himself up, pushing into her to the hilt in one strong thrust. She cursed his name and pulled at the restraints, but wrapped her legs around him in invitation. He was impressed she still had the use of her limbs. Jared fucked her into the mattress unrelentingly, seeking the pleasure he knew he’d quickly find with her gorgeous body wrapped around him. He soon pulled out of her and stroked himself rapidly as he painted her body with his cum.

Jared managed to reach up and release her wrists before slumping to the bed beside her, panting. It was several minutes before either of them really moved or spoke, but Jared was gently caressing his hand along her arm the entire time, maintaining their intimacy. Eventually Jen broke the silence.

“One inconvenient feature of this room: the bathroom is across the hall,” she said, still slightly out of breath. “I can’t go running out there covered in your cum even if you tell me no-one is here. I’m too paranoid for that,” she tells him, smiling.

Jared leans up and kisses her, then points at the door in the corner of the room. “En suite bathroom,” he says. “This used to be a private office.”

“I thought that was a closet,” she said as she got out of bed and went to open the door. The bathroom wasn’t huge, but the shower was a beautiful grey tile and had a small bench and a rainfall spout. “You really thought of everything, huh?” she mused as she started the water.

“Not everything,” he admitted, rolling off the bed to join her. “If I’d remembered how much of a screamer you were I’d have soundproofed before you got here, sweetheart” he teased, pulling her in for another kiss.

The pair showered quickly, light touches and kisses enough after satisfying their craving for each other so completely minutes ago. They dried off and Jen scooped a couple pillows up off the floor and climbed back into bed, exhausted. Jared laid beside her, draping one arm across her torso. Within minutes he was squirming and adjusting in the bed, unable to find a comfortable position. He’d bought the bed for her, knowing she loved the soft mattress at the hotel in Vegas, but his sleeping preference was vastly different.

“Jared, why don’t you go sleep in your room? You really don’t have to stay,” Jen told him, kissing his jaw.

“I didn’t want to run out on you,” he said quietly, dropping kisses along her shoulder. “Are you sure?”

“I’ll be asleep in seconds. Honestly, I’m used to sleeping alone and I know you’d rather be sleeping on the floor. I don’t mind,” she assured him.

Jared stood from the bed and tucked her in, setting his hands on either side of her head and leaning in for a kiss before righting himself. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight, Jared,” she sighed and closed her eyes, falling asleep almost instantly with a smile on her face.

[sunflowerstrays]

you make me laugh // mark tuan

anon requested this: Can I request a scenario where YN is got7s mark gf, and the member tease her because she is from England and has a British accent. If possible can you make YN like famous too, maybe like the lead singer of a British band, idk but yeah

mark tuan x reader.

words: 2k.

genre: fluff, crack.

---

Mark and you had been dating for two years now, but had known each other for the majority of your lives

And two say you two were inseparable was an odd phrase because you definitely spent most of your time apart from each other

but when you were together you were joined at the hip, refusing to spend time apart

and because of this you spent a lot of time with the other got7 members

who all loved you to death because you definitely brought the best out of Mark

but your adorable British accent also humoured them to their death beds

the worst case that has ever happened with your voice was when you had all gone out for a meal to celebrate the success of got7′s new album

and you had tried to reply to a savage comment from Yugyeom about your new music style

but your voice had cracked as you had turned slightly shrill and this meant that the British accent messed up all the Korean pronunciations

and you’d never seen seven boys laugh quite so much in your life

to the point that even Jaebum, who could often keep a stone facade and remain stoic in these situations couldn’t control himself and was red in the face

you had just hidden your face in Mark’s arm as he patted your thigh and laughed hard with his friends

that incident aside

the boys mostly loved your accent

they thought it was absolutely adorable and wouldn’t change it for the world

even if it meant that when they arrived in England they would do their best to butcher the accent

just like they were doing now as the met you at the airport

because you were the lead singer of the British band, The Sun

and were kicking off of a week of stadium performances tomorrow night

and somehow this lined up perfect with some of the boys holiday time, so they had decided to come and visit you on some of your tour nights

and experience “British culture, the very best of it” ~ Youngjae, 2018

little did they know that British culture mostly consisted of rain, awkward smiles with strangers on the subway and an unhealthy amount of tea

yet as you stood at the arrival entrance for international flights you were beginning to think this whole plan was shambolic

because Jackson was pointing out a million things to Yugyeom and Youngjae, speaking the English name for it, but doing so in the worst accent possible

and you could here the old couple beside you muttering about how annoying today’s youth were

“y/n!”

Mark practically leapt from the other side of the room to your side, embracing you in the biggest hug and swallowing you in the smells of air-planes

you were too happy to see him to care that he was messing up your hair you had made such an effort on today

and hugged him back so tightly, wishing that in another universe, the two of you would have all the time in the world to spend together

because it had been almost two months since the two of you had last seen each other in person and you weren’t sure how long the next length of time would be

but for now you were just happy to see him back

following Mark was Jinyoung and Bambam, both of them screaming hello at you from the place were Mark had taken off

running at you at the speed of light before barrelling into you with the biggest hug

the couple beside you just anxiously shuffled backwards as they saw how big the group were, giving you the dirtiest looks

“British culture,” you introduced to the boys in Korean, making the three of them laugh hysterically

Youngjae and Jaebum appeared next, testing their English skills by making as much conversation in their adorably broken English as possible

which involved something along the lines of “Mark very excited to see you” and “how is this accent?”

you couldn’t help but tear at up how adorable Youngjae’s accent was, it was clear he was trying his best

then the three evil kids showed up, hugging you tightly and literally carrying you through the airport until Mark sulked that he wanted to hold your hand, and they dropped you before staring around at them

“so much British!” Youngjae had squealed as you walked past an over priced souvenir store that was drowning in cheesy British souvenirs

Mark had just rolled his eyes as the boys all wandered inside, asking you how to say a multitude of different things

ranging from bus to telephone box to Big Ben

and everytime you said something they would start giggling because of the accent, before trying to say it themselves

and you best believe Jackson and Bambam were having the time of their lives

eventually Mark and you manoeuvred the boys out of the store and towards the mini-bus you had had to order because the seven boys were a large number as it was, and with them came countless amounts of luggage

you sat in the aisle seat with Mark at the window as you drove through London to the hotel the eight of you were staying at with the rest of your group

who were all fairly excited to meet the boys

despite none of them knowing a word of Korean

the boys were trying to read as many signs as possible as you drove past, giggling to themselves like the children they were

but Mark and you were lost in your own little world

catching up on two months of not seeing each other by somehow cuddling in the cramped mini-bus and sharing inside jokes

or blushing deeply when ever one of the boys would call you two out for sharing a kiss

eventually the bus arrived at the hotel and this meant that the boys were all super hyped for a day touring London

the seven of them, as usual, were dressed to impress

meaning that amongst the young in their track suits and the professionals in their suits, they stuck out like a sore thumb with their heavily influenced fashion sense

but you didn’t really mind because hanging out with got7 was destined to make you stand out anyway

the underground was quite the interesting experience

with you holding both Mark and Youngjae’s hand at the same time, whilst Mark kept his eyes on Bambam and Yugyeom who were sat at the window waving at the strangers on the platform

and you almost left Jackson on a train into the heart of the city

but you showed them the classic tourist spots

and took them to your favourite small restaurant in the city where you had taken Mark the first time he came home with you

the whole time you were attached to Mark

and no matter how much Youngjae would tug you to look at the big bridges dotted along the Thames, Mark refused to let go

not that you were complaining because time spent with Mark was the most important thing in the world to you

eventually the day came to a close and you were heading back to the hotel

the six younger boys were deciding to find somewhere to eat after you giving them a long list of recommendations all day

but Mark and you opted for your hotel room and room service instead

once the two of you got there it involved changing into lazy clothes and cuddling on the bed

looking out of the open hotel window and just watching the world go by

and chatting about nothing

with the occasional make out sessions here and there

and honestly it was the best thing

because it made the endless months apart worth waiting out

because then these stolen moments in time were even more special to you

the second day of the trip was spent travelling around the city still, but you had to leave the boys early to go and practise for your show tonight

you were so terrified for performing not only because it was a stadium tour

but it was the first time you were performing in front of Mark live and the thought of disappointing him was what urged you to push harder

the girl group you were in weren’t the initially thought pop group that had been assumed of you when you had started

but rather you wrote all of your songs yourselves, and produced them, chose the music video design and created the dances

and had a much more chill and laid back vibe to your music

which is why Mark had loved your group even more because it was totally his style of music

and your voice sent shivers down his spine every time he heard it

tonight the boys were sitting VIP for you, but in a separate sections to save the risk of any fans spotting them

you could just see the seven of them chatting from the side of the stage before you were going to perform

and this made you even more terrified than you thought possible

but here you were and there was no sending them back to Korea now

the tour kicked off amazingly well

and somehow you managed to get through the first half of the show without messing up any lyrics or choreography, and none of your members had started their usual rants which was a huge bonus

during the half time break fans were given a chance to grab drinks and such whilst you changed backstage

but before you could run back on stage Mark had tackled you in a huge hug and was kissing your cheeks with watery eyes

“I love my talented queen of a girlfriend”

“Mark stop you’ll make me cry on stage”

eventually the security guards had to lead Mark back to where he was supposed to be sitting because you had like thirty seconds to run back on stage

the second half of the concert as well was incredible

and the group finished on a high note with fans cheering for you incessantly

and to say that the concert went well would be an understatement

Mark and the boys somehow snuck backstage to meet you and were wrestling verbally with the security guards to let them stay

and you just rolled your eyes and asked if they could stay

so they were all cramped into your dressing room whilst you had your makeup removed, chatting excitedly about the performance

and whilst you had to go next door to change they were still heard through thick walls

and when you were finally released into the night Mark refused to leave your side all night

even more so than usual

keeping you on his lap in the hotel room and kissing your head softly as you were falling asleep, knowing that you’d now have a whole week of this tiredness

not that you minded because you would do anything for Mark

and his wild band members

even if they were nuisances most of the time and dedicated all their spare moments to mocking you for your accent and girl group performances

---

oof idk if this is what you really wanted butttt it felt better to write it as a bullet list bc i could write a lot more if you know what i mean. however i hope you enjoy and i realise that i write so much for mark that it looks like he’s my actual bias rather than my biggest bias wrecker :)))))

requests are open <3

[hiphophistorian-blog1]

My 10 favorite rap albums of all time: 10: To Pimp a Butterfly (Kendrick Lamar) Some of you out there might get M.A.A.D that I placed this so low on the list or that I picked it over the phenomenal Good Kid, M.A.AD City, but I still believe To Pimp A Butterfly is a funk masterpiece. I remember seeing reviews of it when the record first dropped saying “It sounds like a crazy person broke out of the asylum just to release this album”, but to me, they just don’t get it. The album as a whole, felt so free form and suits Kendrick so much better than what he usually does. Alright is still considered a black pride anthem by many and the single version of “i” is still one of my favorite Kendrick songs today. 9: Lil Uzi Vert Vs. The World (Lil Uzi Vert) Now, before I get hate for this one, I have to go off the record and say that I LOVE Lil Uzi Vert. In a world of Lil Pumps and Lil Yachtys, Lil Uzi is probably the least hated mumble rapper in the game right now. And aside from probably my favorite song of his, “XO Tour Llif3”, Lil Uzi Vert Vs. The World is my favorite thing he’s made. I remember the album catching my attention for the simple fact that the album art was based on the Scott Pilgrim comics’ art style. And this album was actually the first mumble rap album I actually liked. It’s because of it that I anticipated Lil Uzi’s “The Perfect Luv” so much. Though in my opinion, the darker tone that Vs. The World had fit Uzi much better. 8. Free 6lack (6lack) Many respect 6lack for starting out as a rapper and becoming something more. When I first heard Free 6lack and its opening song “Never Know”, I was immediately blown away by 6lack’s flow. It was more than just mumble rap, in fact it was very lyrical. It was more like he was singing. This album showed me and many others just who 6lack was and what he was capable of. 7. The Best of N.W.A (N.W.A) Okay, so this might seem like a cop out, but I was extremely torn between N.W.A’s debut album, Straight Outta Compton and their last studio album, Niggaz4Life mostly because without Ice Cube, Dre, Ren, and Eazy really shine with their word play and DJ Yella gets more time to show off. On the other hand, Straight Outta Compton was great because Ice Cube wrote most of the lyrics masterfully for their first outing. Plus, Express yourself is N.W.A’s best song. Fight me. 6. Coloring Book (Chance The Rapper) I was a huge fan of Chance for reasons that’ll be clear soon. So I was definitely waiting weeks for this album to drop. When it did, I was stunned by the features: Lil Wayne, 2 Chainz, Jeremih, Kanye West, Justin Bieber, D.R.A.M, Lil Yachty. This album is straight up NUTS, but in a Christian way. Within the first hour of this album dropping, people through around the word “masterpiece”. In fact, Coloring Book IS a gospel rap masterpiece. Everyone was going crazy for this mixtape Chance released for free. Not only that, this was the first mixtape ever given out for free to win a Grammy. 5. Acid Rap (Chance The Rapper) “Wow, Hip Hop Historian, you must really like Chance.” Fuck yes I do. Chance is God’s gift to man. This was my first Chance album and it made me fall in love with Chance. The first time I heard the album was browsing SoundCloud and stumbling across “Favorite Song” because of Gambino’s feature. I listened to the rest of the album and now I know the track list by heart. There’s a song here for everyone. Whether you wanna listen to something conscious, you want to vibe, or you just wanna have a good time. And the way Chance starts and ends this album with “Good Ass Intro” and “Good Ass Outro” is simply incredible. IGH! 4. “Awaken! My Love” (Childish Gambino) Putting this on the list was always gonna be controversial. This isn’t exactly a “rap album” but being an album under the genre or hip hop and by a rapper, it qualifies it. Anyway, this is another album where the word “Masterpiece” was tossed around a lot. I could probably attest to that. Although not my favorite Gambino album, and probably Donald’s least favorite album to make, you can’t argue with the results. This album solidified Gambino as not just a great rapper, but an amazing artist. “Awaken! My Love” is quite simply a funk magnum opus. Songs like “Me and Your Mama”, “Boogieman”, and “Riot” instantly stand out to me. “Baby Boy” is a beautiful track, and anyone who hasn’t listened to the sensation that is “Redbone” has never experienced true joy. 3. The College Dropout (Kanye West) Okay, here we get into some real shit for me. No matter what anyone says, Watch The Throne, 808s and Heartbreak, Graduation, Yeezus, and My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy will never compare to Kanye’s first studio release. The College Dropout was the album that got my high school English teacher into rap when he was a teen. Kanye just never released an album more down to Earth than it. In his other albums, it always seems like Kanye’s putting on this persona, while in The College Dropout, we get a side of Kanye that lived a lower class lifestyle for almost 20 years. Because of that, we have songs like “It All Falls Down” and the 10 minute “Last Call” where Kanye just keeps the beat going to tell us all about how much he struggled just for a deal. 2. Bizarre Ride II The Pharcyde (Pharcyde) If you asked me what my favorite old school hip hop album was, I’d tell you it’s Bizarre Ride. If you asked me my favorite Pharcyde member, I’d say Fatlip. No, wait! Imani! This album just has so much variety to it. From the funkadelic Soul Flower Remix to the slow and impactful Passin’ Me By. A copy of both Bizarre Ride and LabcabinCalifornia need to be locked away in a vault for safe keeping. Pharcyde in general are essential to the history of hip hop and are one of the most important rap groups ever. I could honestly geek out and quote this album forever until I die. 1. Because The Internet (Childish Gambino) Now, I don’t mean to ride on Donald Glover so much, but not only is he my favorite rapper, but he’s my idol. He does it all. From movies, to tv, to standup. And all of that really shows on this album. Alongside the album came a short film written by Gambino named “Clapping For The Wrong Reasons”, and a companion piece to the album in the form of a screenplay also written by Gambino. The screenplay and all it’s mysteries have to be my favorite part of the story to this borderline rap concept album. I know I said Bizarre Ride had variety, but this album is on a whole ‘nother level. From songs everyone knows like the heartfelt “3005”(which has my favorite music video ever) to the silly “Sweatpants”, there’s so many gems in this gold encrusted diamond of an album. And along with Bizarre Ride, Because The Internet is one of the albums that I know every single lyric to. Plus, this album has my favorite Gambino song ever, “Crawl”. And I’d just like to point out that when Chance had Gambino featured on Acid Rap, he let him rap a whole verse and take over one of the choruses. But when Gambino has Chance featured on “The Worst Guys”, he has Chance repeat the same five words over and over again. I love Gambino to death. Because The Internet isn’t the cleanest album ever, in fact it’s sloppy and seems rushed together in hindsight, but that’s just it. This album represents Childish Gambino’s down to Earth starving artist phase and that’s something I can relate to heavily. I love Because The Internet.

[nbhd-daily]

Jesse Rutherford’s Blonde Ambition

After seeing success as the lead singer of standout band The Neighbourhood, the 26-year-old So-Cal native decided it was time to try things on his own. &, Rutherford's first solo album, perfectly embodies the personality of the man who was born to be blonde. It's funny, poppy, loose yet precise, and more than anything, honest.

office met with Rutherford at his hotel in New York City a day before his flight back to California to perform in front of a sold out crowd alongside the band that helped him find his voice. Rutherford was open and reflective. He's as transparent as you'd hope any musician would be. He knows the key to success as a musician is being your best and most honest self at all times, all while making great music.

Interview by Khufu Najee

Photos by Mitchell Connell

I want to start off by saying I love the album.

Thank you.

I was in LA with my girlfriend when I first heard it and on that same morning, I actually dyed my hair blonde.

Yo (laughs). That’s sick.

True story.

So cool. It looks great, by the way.

Thank you, man. But that leads me to my first question. "Born To Be Blonde." What was the inspiration for that song? I know you were very specific about starting the album with that song. What went into that thought process?

The general statement just kinda means be whoever you wanna be. It’s just kind of a twist on how to say that or my particular way of saying it. I felt like it was a chance for me to be as stupid and as smart as I am — or as I think I might be — all in one go. I don’t know. It just kind of happened. It was a poem. It was a poem that I wrote while The Neighbourhood was recording our Wiped Out album. It was just a poem. I wrote it one day and or one night. I don’t even remember. I just know it was during that process cause I was blonde at that point and I was really psyched about it. It was just the way it made me feel I guess. Wrote it down. Maybe 75% of it came from that initial poem. The last 25% — the bridge and shit — was written in the studio as I was recording it. But I tried doing it a couple times. It was going to be a Neighbourhood song a long time ago. Nothing ever happened to it.

It’s very interesting how often I hear a good portion of songs that we hear on someone’s new album are actually old.

Yep. And that comes with age and with time. It’s crazy you say that cause I’ve thought about that a lot recently too and it’s given me a new hope with writing music because I probably have hundreds of songs that are not released and now I know sometimes I can go back in the fucking Rolodex. Oh okay. Wrote it in 2013. It’s 2018. Now they're ready for it. That’s how it goes sometimes.

You have to be ready to let it go.

You have to be on time. You can’t be early in this game. That doesn’t get you anywhere. At least from my experience. I feel like there have been moments where I’ve been like well I did that first and then something else happens and someone else does it. And maybe they did it at a better time. Maybe they had it more refined. Maybe it was better than the version I had. Or the type of song. Or the type of sound. Sometimes you gotta wait for the right time.

The 2014 mixtape with the band. Two features I want to ask about. You had Gerald and Kossisko. Two really good friends of mine.

Oh, you grew up in the bay?

Yeah, man.

Dope.

So, I’m curious. How did the Bay Area connection come about?

(Laughs).

It's always a good answer when they laugh before answering.

Well, Kossisko, 100s at the time, that was through our friend Matthew. Kirk, who has a label now, runs it with Matthew’s partner label.

What’s the label?

Bad Habits.

Okay.

And Matthew, he’s like my LA homie. He’s like my first LA friend. When I was like 19 trying to rap and putting my shit on the internet, he was the first dude from the city — cause I’m from the suburbs outside the city — he was like the first dude from the city to be like, yo, you’re tight, come hang out with me and my friends. And those friends ended up being 4e, who helped me produce the mixtape and then helping The Neighbourhood do our Wiped Out album. It was a long process. That was, you know, six or seven years ago. It was a while ago. I met Kossisko through him.

He’s a good dude, man.

Yeah, dude. He’s smooth too.

Staying on collaborations, on that same mixtape, you had Danny Seth. And I noticed on this new album, you had MD$, both of whom are big on the music scene in London. How did that connection come about?

Danny was also through Matthew.

Of course he was. Danny lived in LA for a bit, yeah?

Yeah, and Matthew was fucking with him for a minute. I could give you Matthew's number if you want (laughs). He’s in with everyone.

Collabs are important. How did you go about choosing who to work with on this album?

Well, I met Dylan Brady, who produced the majority of the project. I think I was playing a show and Kirk came out. Kirk met with Dylan. I think we were in St. Louis, where Dylan is from and he just walked in and I saw him. I know this may sound very surface but I basically just judged a book by the cover. Like, clothing and how you present yourself, matters. Dylan walked in and he just had this steez that I’d never seen before and I was like there’s something about this guy. Then I ended up hearing his music and it was so ambitious and unique and at the time I was trying to figure out how to find my own lane and find my own sound and do my solo thing. So we got in the studio together, we had a week in Paramount in LA, five days, and we ended up doing seven songs, and about four or five ended up on the record. It was a solid week for sure. He’s a great producer. He can really do anything. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever seen before. He’s a fucking machine, dude. He’s nonstop. Dylan kinda kicked it off. We started with this sound. I worked with Daytrip a couple times before when they were back in LA and we did a couple records but nothing that was my favorite. They were amazing doing what they do but I wasn’t pleased with what I was doing on the songs.

The mind of a perfectionist, man.

Right? But then they randomly sent me a 30-pack and I was like this is fun. So I went through them, picked ten that I liked, recorded on about four or five really quickly and two of them ended up being on the album. MD$, that was just another random session when they were in LA.

MD$ is fire, dude. That’s good music.

They make really good music.

London, for the most part, is known for Grime Rap. When you think rap in London, you think grime. But what they do isn’t grime. It’s so dope and so different.

Very musical.

Very musical. Absolutely. I really want to meet the dude.

He’s a mystery. You never saw him?

No.

He’s cool. He has a swag to him for sure.

How old were you when you decided on music?

I started playing drums when I was in the eighth grade. High school came around and I met this guy who became my buddy. I grew up in a suburb where it’s like hard core punk kinda shit and I just wanted to be a part of that. But my balls took forever to drop and finally when they did I started singing. Voice is still pretty high so they only dropped so far (laughs). But I would say around 17 is when I took it seriously.

And around that age is when you knew this was what you were going to do with your life?

Yeah. Especially once I stopped doing hard core and started making really bad pop rap. I had to start somewhere though (laughs). I’ve never really thought twice about thinking twice. This is all I’ve ever done. And luckily it’s worked. It’s always felt so good. It’s the only thing I’ve ever felt natural at. I’m not that great at video games. I’m not that great at fucking school, all the cliche shit that everybody says.

Knowing what you know now, what would you tell that younger self?

Don’t get those tattoos on your right arm (laughs). Save that real estate because you’re going to want some other shit some day. Maybe don’t get any of the tattoos so early. But 17 year old me, looking at 26 year old me, with like neck tattoos and shit, would be like "yo this guy is so sick what the fuck.” I know that really surface level but I think the boxes you in. If I’m in the whitely tatted lane, then okay. I did it to myself. Other than that, just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s working.

Are you familiar with the word synesthesia?

No.

It’s basically a condition, although I don’t know why they call it that cause it almost gives it a bad connotation. But, Lorde has it, Frank Ocean, few other artists. Basically, you can taste, smell, see colors, in ways other people can’t. It’s amazing.

Me and my team talk about that all time time. We try to relate things to colors when it comes to Neighbourhood music and my own music. We try and connect songs to seasons. Some songs always seem to fit with certain seasons. Day or night. That’s a big one.

Very true. I have music I only listen to at night time. Or when the sun isn’t shining.

That’s the struggle of being asked to play a festival, when you make night music, but they give you the noon slot. How do you like the sun, yo? Yeah, this dark ass song is going to sound great while this bright ass sun is turning my pasty skin bright red.

What color would you say your music is?

I feel like I have to just say rainbow because it has to be the opposite of rainbow because The Neighbourhood has always done the black and white thing. But I don’t know. I really do like yellow. I think yellow is a really cool color. And it doesn’t even have to be bright yellow. Just a nice warm yellow that kinda has some warmth to it.

I’m not going to ask you who your musical inspirations are cause I think that shit is corny as fuck but I am curious where do you draw inspiration from? Are you the kind of dude who has a movie playing on silent in the studio at all times?

No. I’m terrible at watching movies. I need to start watching more. I just started on Apocalypse Now.

Started. Didn’t finish?

Not yet. I’m about half-way through. It's a slow process for me. But inspiration… It’s funny cause I do like Spongebob (laughs) but I feel like a sponge. I just absorb a lot of shit around me. Sometimes I can’t even pinpoint it. It’s just like shit that’s coming at me. Between the different styles and sounds of music that I like and what’s fucking constantly stewing in my head. I just feel like I can do all these different types of music, so I need to do it. And sometimes I fail. And sometimes I think, from what I’ve seen from the internet and from what fans tell me, I think I nail it sometimes. With this project especially, the title alone, just using &. Calling it that left it open to anything. Cause you can’t just have that and nothing else. There has to be something before and something after and you know that. So that alone it’s just like, I’m a sucker for that kind of shit. I just love hooks. I want everything to be a hook. A photo, to a fucking pair of shoes, the title of something, hooks only. I did a book two years ago I called that. It’s a collection of photos I took with my friend, ended up turning it into a book. I’ve always called that book the Bible of Jesse. In that book, there’s no words. All pictures. Just me wearing a whole bunch of shit. It’s all over the place. But that’s how I felt. That’s who I am. I think a lot of people are like that. Especially young people. With the internet how are you just gonna be one thing in this shit?

You have to do everything. It’s the norm now.

You have to. Remember when Drake came out. And he was singing and rapping? People were confused. But now? You can’t not do that (laughs). It’s all that. Which is great. It’s fucking incredible. I feel like now more than ever music is ready for me. You know what I mean? And I’m ready for it. I don’t feel old, I just feel grown enough to just be like, oh yeah I can do all this shit. I’ve been doing this shit for years. It’s just about catching the right moment and knowing what to do. Last time I caught the moment I didn’t know how to hold onto it. I never know how it’s gonna work anymore. I never know what song is going to work. You said you love Barbie and Ken. I was terrified to put the song out because it’s so, so opposite to the character of Jesse Rutherford from The Neighbourhood is known for.

Well, that’s what a solo project should do, innit? Show that other side?

I think so. I hope so.

[independentartistbuzz]

INDIE 5-0: 5 QUESTIONS WITH MUNK DUANE

Boston based Recording Artist, Producer and Film Composer Munk Duane has a style deeply rooted in late 60s and early 70s Soul and Pop, with unapologetic nods to legends such as Curtis Mayfield, Marvin Gaye, Prince and Stevie Wonder, crafting a sonic atmosphere that is traditional in inception and modern in execution. Channeling spirits of the past and filtering them through a 21st century aesthetic, Munk manifests an evolution by daring to experiment in hybrids. 

We got together with him to ask some questions and talk about his most recent release Sweet Tooth.

1.) You are an extremely versatile, charismatic and unique artist, with your sound rooted in the early 60s/ 70s Soul and Pop. How long did it take you to hone in on your style and sound, and what advice do you have for other artists who are trying to figure it out?

Why thank you! I've been a fan of Motown since I was a kid, especially around the era of Marvin Gaye's album " What's Going On" and "Talking Book" through the "Songs In the Key Of Life" period of Stevie Wonder. This is when these artists stepped into a more musically ambitious and socially aware light. Prince was my number one influence from the time I was a teen. The final piece of the "Soul puzzle" that defined me though was a chance meeting with Jame Brown. When I was about 16, I was walking out of a music conference in New York with my Father. A limo was just pulling up. A man and his entourage emerged and he made a beeline for me. I was holding a notebook that I used for the conference and I'm sure he thought I was coming toward him for an autograph. The man gingerly steps up to me, grabs the notebook out of my hand with a huge, warm Cheshire Cat smile on his face, and says something to me I can't quite make out. I looked down and saw that he had written what he had just said. "God loves you. James Brown". I was completely naive as to who he was at this point, still being young and inexperienced. After he walked away, I looked at my Dad, speechless and puzzled. He gave me the old Italian Father "slap upside the back of my head" and said "you have no idea what just happened, do you? That was The Godfather of Soul, James Brown". After this encounter, I dove headlong into his discography, learned that he was one of the main influences of MY main influence, and completely fell in love with Soul, R&B and Funk. As far as advice to anyone trying to figure out what their sonic identity is, I would simply ask "What is the music that made you want to make music?". After my third album, I became super busy writing on spec for television. I was good at fast, high-quality, turn-arounds and capturing the vibe of established artists that these productions didn't have the budget for, without sounding like a knock-off. In TV, you generally have to respond to these creative briefs from Music Supervisors and Publishers in less than 24 hours, so developing a methodology to crank out content super fast is critical for any reasonable success in spec licensing placements. After several years, I wanted to get back to focusing on my next release as an artist but when I sat down to write, I was horrified to find that my mind was completely blank. Without a creative brief and the parameters of "who I needed to sound like" and the ungodly deadlines, I discovered that I had forgotten who "I" was as an artist. After several false starts that included a complete album that I shelved upon completion because it was miles from who I actually am, I stopped writing altogether and just took some time to try and remember why I got into this in the first place. Marvin Gaye's "Inner City Blues" lead me back to my musical genesis. The emersion of Alt R&B, born of Neo-Soul and artists like Anderson .Paak, Childish Gambino and Leon Bridges were sign posts telling me that the music closest to my heart never went away and continues to evolve. Just be who you are with no apologies or trend-chasing. 2.) Your single, "Dangerous" was inspired by your battle with COVID-19 in March. Tell us more about the virus, and how you were able to overcome it and still release music.

COVID kicked my ass. I contracted it in the early wave when the medical community still did not know what they were dealing with. I saw two doctors via telemedicine, and one in person, who ALL told me I didn't have it, so of course I didn't quarantine from my family and transmitted it to my wife and kids. It wasn't until antibody tests became available months later that I had a positive confirmation. It took me 6 weeks to shake the worst of the symptoms from radical temperature shifts, extreme fatigue, uncontrollable coughing to the point where I couldn't speak without a fit, loss of smell and taste and finally labored breathing like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I was still compromised for a few weeks after the worst of the symptoms had subsided (I still ran out of breath quickly and my limbs were like jelly). Probably 8-10 weeks in total. I was completely untreated, and was left with whatever my body's natural ability to fight it was. Thank goodness we're a little smarter about it now but it's still scary as hell. The ONLY good thing as a result was getting to be at home in my studio for so much time, due to the cancellation of gigs. Losing the income was painful but having an extended period to write and record whatever I wanted to was a gift. As I started to feel well enough, I began to write my thoughts in lyric form about the false narratives we were being fed at the time. As I was the sickest I'd ever been in my life, our President was telling anyone who would listen that COVID was a hoax. "Dangerous" began to write itself. In the span of a few weeks I had it completed and wanted to release it while the message was still timely. 3.) Your newest release "Sweet Tooth" is such a smooth track, tell us about the writing/ recording process.

Thank you. This was around the time that the remaster of Prince's "Sign O The Times" was about to drop, along with 63 unreleased songs from his vault. That album is an inspirational mile marker for me and I simply wanted to write an homage to my hero. It was not my intention to copy him as much as capture the way he could make you feel and reinterpret that feeling through the filter of my own capabilities and taste. I set out to let an infectious, clean and quirky groove drive the shape of the song. More often than not, I write "backwards" compared to the school of traditional songwriting. Instead of starting with chords, lyrics and melody, I sometimes start with groove, bass and vibe. If that excites me enough to flesh it out into a song, the piece will survive. It's not a hard and fast rule as much as a bi-product of beginning my musical experience as a bass player. I need to feel it in my bones first. The rhythm has to make me want to tell a story. It comes from a primal place. On "Sweet Tooth" the rhythm led me to the synth layers and sound design which took me further down the road to that odd, falsetto chorus hook with the violin pluck in the stops. I was just allowing my eccentricity full reign. That verse melody and those harmonies fell directly in line afterward. From a Production standpoint, I was channeling a bit of Danger Mouse into FINNEAS to explore how much articulation and sonic separation I could create in the sound palette for this one. 4.) You've had some tracks that are centered around some heavier topics, but with this latest record, you took more of a fun and flirty turn, tell us about the inspiration behind it.

The last thing I want to be is a "one trick pony". The human condition is a spectrum of feelings and experiences. I could change the vibe of each song sonically but if I stayed in the same lyrical wheelhouse all the time, it would have the opposite of the intended effect. Yeah, I could be in my "Shame Against The Machine" mode very easily, but I'm super self-aware of becoming preachy, predictable and one dimensional. All work and no play makes Munk a dull boy. 5.) Your music has had some incredible placements, like The 70th Annual Tony Awards, NCIS, Hawaii Five- O, and so much more. What is on the "Munk Duane - 5 Year Goals" List?

As much work that is behind me, I'm convinced my best work is still ahead. I'm taking in so much of the exponential advancements in music technology and it's blowing my creative mind wide open with possibilities. It's like going from a box of 4 Crayolas to a box of 120. I feel like infinite opportunities lie ahead if I'm bold enough, and there aren't enough hours in the day to explore them all, and this is coming from a guy who stays up until 3 or 4am creating until he slumps over the console. Given all of that, I want to continue to diversify. I've had the honor this past year to contribute music to groundbreaking technology by Bose for a new earbud designed to help those with sleep disorders. This required a lot of research, exercising both my Right and Left brain. I want more of that, for sure. I'll be working on more Film Scoring projects. Getting a taste of my first Hollywood Red Carpet experience as a Composer was pretty intoxicating and yeah, if I'm being honest, I want more of that too. Occasional celebration and acknowledgement of accomplishments is something I need to work on more. I'm really bad at it and hard on myself. I'm enamoured with the return of the Title Sequence as a work of art unto itself. Work done by studios like Perception (The Black Panther, Thor: Ragnorok) and Prologue (Star Trek: Discovery, American Horror Story) inspire me as much as any recording artist does. I'm exploring ways to crack my way into that world as a Composer. Producing other artists is also in the plan, as is a full length album for myself in 2021. I'm focused on continuing to will my way into the general awareness of the music and film industries, new fans and anyone that will honor me with a listen. 

Listen to Sweet Tooth: https://open.spotify.com/track/4Q7KYh1gaKRoHolohoJQhF?si=OjGIsu2YSEOQk4byVwCYxg

Connect with Munk Duane via:

https://www.munkduane.com/

https://www.instagram.com/munkduane

https://www.youtube.com/munkduane

https://www.facebook.com/munkduane

[auroraphilealis]

Katie’s Graduation Present

Katie’s Graduation Present | Phil Lester has missed the majority of his daughter's high school years because he’s spent the last four years in the military. When Dan finds out he’s going to miss her graduation, too, he throws a fit, and doesn’t even say “I love you,” before hanging up on him. So who's the military guy in blue at the bottom of the bleachers? | Phan | Teen and Up | Reunion fic, light angst, happy ending, Parent phan | 1,849 Words

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

I may have spent a good portion of the morning watching military reunion videos and I cried so hard I wrote a fic with my tears.

(Ao3)

--

It’s their daughter's graduation, and Phil’s not here.

He’s out of the country doing God knows what, who knows where, because his commander never lets Phil reveal very much of anything at all to his family in the few minute webcam calls they get about once a month, and his letters are screened within an inch of their life and stamped with military approval before they even reach Dan and Katie. They never know where he is, or what he’s doing, only that sometimes he’s safe and sometimes he’s not but so far, he’s always made it out alive.

He’d promised to make it to Katie’s graduation, but they’d both known better to get their hopes up. Still… it had been a bitter pill for them to swallow when they’d received word that Phil wouldn’t be able to get leave in time to watch their daughter walk down the stage, but it was harder still to see the devastation on Phil’s face when he’d been forced to deliver the news.

Dan will never forget the crease of pain in his forehead, the way his lips had been downturned, clear even over the shitty webcam graphics. His voice had been heartbroken as he’d been forced to let Katie down again, and he’d promised to make it up to her the next time he got a chance to visit, but they all knew it wouldn’t quite be the same.

Katie had been stronger than Dan. She’d smiled, and reassured Phil that it was okay, she understood, and she’d see him soon. She joked, and teased her father for the rest of the call, and then, after she’d left, Phil had been left to face Dan’s wrath.

It’s not something Dan’s proud of, the way he’d spoken to his husband with harsh, muttered words, his own heart breaking with each sentence that left his mouth, but he hadn’t been able to help himself. Phil was meant to be nearly done with his service, let go to return to a life of normalcy with his family, and yet his commander still had a tight lead on his neck keeping him from going where he needed to be, celebrating the once in a life-time moments that none of them were ever going to get back.

Dan had told Phil it was fine that he’d missed four years worth of anniversaries, fine that he’d only managed one Christmas, two birthdays, and a Valentine's day in all the months he’d been gone, but how dare he miss their daughters Graduation? Why hadn’t he fought, insisted that he get to go home, even for just one day, a few hours at most?

Dan had cried, and he’d shut the laptop on Phil’s face for the first time in four years, stifling the sounds of his cries behind his hand and secretly hating himself for cutting short one of the very few phone calls he ever got with his husband these days. He hadn’t even told Phil he loved him, and as the realization had dawned on him, he’d cried even harder, wishing and praying to a God he didn’t believe in that Phil wouldn’t die before Dan got to say those words just one more time.

His fingers had scrabbled for his laptop lid, but he’d known even before he’d opened it that the connection would be lost.

That had been a week ago.

Now, Dan sits proud in the bleachers of his daughter’s high school graduation, camera held high in his hands, and the seat next to him blatantly empty with a small little note card sat on the seat stating reserved.

Dan had been oh so carefully avoiding looking at it for ages, now. He’d reserved the seats over two months ago, one for him, and one for his long-lost husband, thinking that for once, Phil might actually make it to the event he’d promised to attend. Of course, now the sight of the little card leaves a horrid, bitter taste on Dan’s tongue, and he wants nothing more than to toss it away, to offer up the seat to someone standing on the sidelines, but he can’t.

He can’t because that would only hurt him even more.

So Dan sits alone with his camera raised high, grinning like a loon as he watches his daughter creep along the line, last name howell-lester, and she’s coming up now. Dan can see the smile dotting her features, the excitement in her eyes, can see the way she wrings her hands in her graduation gown, glasses sitting askew, and all he can think is that he wished Phil could be here to see her now.

She’s beautiful, their little Katie Rose. With red hair, and brown eyes, she’s almost the by-product of her parents, and though she was adopted when she was but a small child, she’s been given nothing but more love than Dan had ever known he was capable of.

She’s been their sunshine from the moment they picked her up fourteen years ago. She’d been so tiny, then, far too slim and dressed in clothes that didn’t quite fit. In her hands had been a teddy bear, raggedy as the rest of her, and yet she’d been so cute even then that Dan had fallen instantly in love.

Her hair is longer now, but Dan can still the way she’d looked with knots in her hair and it pulled back against her scalp, a mess of curls that didn’t quite fall right and never seemed to get brushed out. She’d been frowning, even as Dan and Phil had each taken of her hands in each of theirs, introducing themselves properly this time, as Papa and Dad.

It had been a little rough, her warming up to them, but now, as Dan takes photo after photo of his daughter, long grown, all he can see is her smile and the way she cries some nights because she misses Papa so much. Dan can never blame her, digging out the photo albums and the stories of the time she’d thrown a wooden block so hard at Phil that he’d cried, heartbroken because their daughter hated him.

Katie always fills in the blanks for Dan, how she watched Phil have a break down and expected them to send her away, but they hadn’t. They never did, and Phil merely cried because his daughter didn’t love him and he didn’t know how to make it all better.

She’d been a slight bit kinder after that, and the first time she called Phil “Papa,” he’d cried again.

Dan wishes Phil were here now, more than anything in the world. He can feel the ache in his heart at the missing man at his side, knows the real reason he’d been so angry at Phil a week ago. He just hadn’t wanted his best friend to miss another one of their daughters biggest moments, when there had been a time where Phil wouldn’t have dared to miss even one.

Dan knows that’s not fair, but it’s hard when they both fought so hard to win Katie over, and now… now Phil can’t even see the brilliant woman that she’s become.

He shakes his head, because the lines moving forward now, and he can see his little girl just three people away, and --

Something’s wrong.

Dan watches as Katie goes from smiling brightly out into the crowd, so clearly looking for Dan who’d been waving at her for ages trying to get her attention focused on him, to staring in blank horror below the bleachers, somewhere Dan can’t quite seem to locate.

His heart stops. He doesn’t understand. His little girl’s hands are covering her mouth, and she’s sobbing now. The entire auditorium has gone quiet, and is it just Dan, or does it feel grim?

There’s a flash of military garb, something Dan doesn’t recognize as belonging in the stadium, and his heart clenches in dread as the fear hits him.

The colors aren’t the green of a military uniform, they’re blue, someone retired, someone delivering news.

Dan’s blood runs cold as he remembers the fact that he hadn’t said “i love you,” the last time he spoke to Phil, as he remembers the way Phil had said “important mission, the most important of my career,” remembers the way Phil had looked on the verge of tears, almost scared, and he drops his camera to the floor at the same time as Katie starts running.

She’s running, and there are tears dripping down his face, Dan can see that much. Her robes billow out around her, her hat going flying, the auditorium erupts into such loud noise that Dan’s ears ring. Katie’s arms are outstretched, she’s flying at this person that Dan doesn’t even know, and he doesn’t understand.

Is Phil dead? Have his worst fears been realized? Why is Katie running, what is she doing, why are people screaming his name?

“Welcome home, Mr. Howell-Lester,” Dan hears through the buzz in his ears, and his heart nearly shatters as he starts to cry.

Katie throws herself into the man’s arms, and he picks her up with such ease that Dan can’t imagine it being anyone but Phil, twirling her around as she clutches at him, their faces tucked into each other’s neck so Dan can’t see, but it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter because the people around him are slapping his shoulder, ushering him down the aisle, shouting his name and clapping so hard that it’s all just a roar inside of Dan’s head.

He’s crying, he can feel it. There are tears rushing down his face, a sob locked in his throat, and he starts running. He starts running because he hasn’t seen Phil in months, because for one second he’d been convinced his Phil was dead, because Mr. Howell-Lester has finally gone home, and Dan doesn’t know when he’ll ever get the chance to see him again.

Dan doesn’t know how it happens. One second, he’s trying not to fall as he runs blindly down the bleachers, and the next, he’s in Phil’s arms and his best friend, his husband, his partner for the rest of his life, is holding him so close that Dan can’t even breathe.

Katie is sobbing in front of them. Dan can hear her. She’s a mess, a happy, bubbly mess, and Dan’s sobbing even harder than her, his arms curled tight to the fabric of Phil’s uniform, his face shoved into his husbands neck, eyes squeezed shut, just taking him in.

Phil smells as he always has, something unidentifiably him, mixed with the sterile scent of the military, but Dan doesn’t care because Phil is here and that’s all that matters anymore.

He clutches tight to him because he can, because he doesn’t know what else do to with himself, and whispers, “I’m never letting you go again,” in a voice so choked with emotion Dan has no idea how Phil could even begin to possibly hear him.

“You never have to,” Phil whispers back to him, and that’s the world.

[americasclassicstandards-blog]

The Story Of The Glenn Miller Orchestra...

Friday, December 15, 1944, America’s most popular and successful bandleader, Major Alton Glenn Miller, disappeared while traveling as a passenger on a military aircraft flying from England to France. The business commitments that he had put in place in anticipation of his return from military service following World War II survived Miller. To fulfill a lucrative RCA Victor recording agreement and further the strong Glenn Miller franchise, his manager and wartime administrative officer Donald Wayne Haynes, attorney and estate executor David Mackay and Glenn’s widow Helen Miller launched a postwar Glenn Miller Orchestra. The band was set up along the lines of the Miller Army Air Forces (AAF) Orchestra. Many Miller AAF veterans joined the new band. Others declined, including bandleader and drummer Ray McKinley, who had led the AAF Orchestra for live appearances following Miller’s disappearance.  Haynes and Mackay approached prewar Glenn Miller star Chief Petty Officer Gordon Lee “Tex” Beneke, USNR, who agreed to lead the new band.  Plans were put in place to have the new band assembled, rehearsed and ready to appear by January 1946. Tex Beneke and his Orchestra became arguably the most successful of the postwar big bands during a period where singers and ballads became more popular on records and radio whereas bands and jazz were less economical to organize and operate. At end of 1948 economics required the elimination of the large string section. By 1950 there was a resurgence of bands that imitated the so-called “Glenn Miller clarinet-lead style” of orchestrations that Miller had used circa-1939. This put pressure on the more progressive and creative Beneke to compete. The irony was that Glenn Miller would have continued to evolve and the Beneke band was his legitimate successor. Disagreements between Beneke and Haynes about style and direction led to a breakup and in December 1950. Gordon Lee “Tex” Beneke was born February 12, 1914. He was a saxophonist, singer, and bandleader. His career is a history of associations with bandleader Glenn Miller and former musicians and singers who worked with Miller. His band is also associated with the careers of Eydie Gorme, Henry Mancini and Ronnie Deauville. Beneke also solos on the recording the Glenn Miller Orchestra made of their popular song “In The Mood” and sings on another popular Glenn Miller recording, “Chattanooga Choo Choo”. Jazz critic Will Friedwald considers Beneke to be one of the major blues singers who sang with the big bands of the early 1940s. Beneke started playing saxophone when he was nine, going from soprano to alto to tenor saxophones and staying with the latter. His first professional work was with bandleader Ben Young in 1935, but it was when he joined the Glenn Miller Orchestra three years later that his career hit its stride. Beneke said: “It seems that Gene Krupa had left the Goodman band and was forming his own first band. He was flying all over the country looking for new talent and he stopped at our ballroom one night (to listen to the Ben Young band). Gene wound up taking two or three of our boys with him back to New York. Krupa wanted to take Beneke but his sax section was already filled.” Krupa knew that Glenn Miller was forming a band and recommended Beneke to Miller. Whatever concerns Miller might have had about Beneke’s playing were quickly dismissed; Miller immediately made Beneke his primary tenor sax soloist and Beneke played all but a few of the tenor solos on all of the records and personal appearances made by the Miller band until it disbanded in 1942. On the August 1, 1939, recording made of the Joe Garland composition “In The Mood”, Beneke trades two-measure tenor solo exchanges with his fellow section-mate Al Klink. Miller’s 1941 recording of “A String of Pearls” (composed by the band’s arranger, Jerry Gray) also has Beneke and Klink trading two-measure tenor solo phrases. Beneke appears with Miller and his band in the films Sun Valley Serenade (1941) and Orchestra Wives (1942), both of which helped propel the singer/saxophonist to the top of the Metronome polls. Tex Beneke is listed in the personnel of the 1941 Metronome All-Star Band led by Benny Goodman. In 1942, Glenn Miller’s orchestra won the first Gold Record ever awarded for “Chattanooga Choo Choo”; the song was written by Harry Warren and Mack Gordon as part of the score for the 1941 Twentieth Century Fox movie Sun Valley Serenade which was primarily made for the purpose of putting the Miller band in a motion picture. Tex Beneke was the featured singer in the movie and on the Victor/Bluebird recording that also featured band vocalist Paula Kelly and the Modernaires, a vocal group of four male singers, who were also regular members of the Miller entourage. When Miller broke up the band in August 1942 to join the Army Air Force, Beneke played very briefly with Horace Heidt before joining the Navy himself, leading a Navy band in Oklahoma. While employed with Miller, Beneke was offered his own band, as Miller had done with colleagues and employees like Hal McIntyre, Claude Thornhill and Charlie Spivak. Beneke wanted to come back to Miller after the war and learn more about leading a band before being given his own band. Beneke led two bands in the navy and kept in touch with Glenn Miller while they were both serving in the military. By 1945, Beneke felt ready to lead his own orchestra. Glenn Miller went missing on December 15, 1944 while flying to France from England. After World War Two, the United States Army Air Force decommissioned the Glenn Miller-led Army Air Force band. The Miller estate authorized an official Glenn Miller “ghost band” in 1946. This band was led by Tex Beneke who as time went on had more prominence in the band’s identity. It had a make up similar to Glenn Miller’s Army Air Force Band, having a large string section. The orchestra’s official public début was at the Capitol Theatre on Broadway where it opened for a three-week engagement on January 24, 1946. Henry Mancini was the band’s pianist and one of the arrangers. Another arranger was Norman Leyden, who also previously arranged for the Glenn Miller Army Air Force Band. This ghost band played to very large audiences all across the United States, including a few dates at the Hollywood Palladium in 1947, where the original Miller band played in 1941. The movie short Tex Beneke and the Glenn Miller Band was released by RKO pictures in 1947 with Lillian Lane, Artie Malvin and The Crew Chiefs vocal group performing. In a slightly sarcastic article in Time magazine from June 2, 1947, the magazine notes that the Beneke led Miller orchestra was playing at the same venue the original Miller band played in 1939, the Glen Island Casino. Beneke’s quote about the big band business at the time closes the article, “I don’t know whether Glenn figured that times would be as tough”. By 1949, economics dictated that the string section be dropped. This band recorded for RCA Victor, just as the original Miller band did. Beneke felt that Glenn Miller promised him his own band in the early 1940s and this was his chance to have that promise fulfilled. Beneke wanted a band with Beneke’s musical identity. Larry Bruff, an announcer for the earlier Glenn Miller radio shows says, “Beneke would even set wrong tempos so as not to sound too much like Glenn.” The Miller estate wanted a band that was primarily associated with Glenn Miller, playing the Glenn Miller songs in the Glenn Miller style. Beneke continued to perform under his own name with no official connection to Miller. He enjoyed less success in the early 1950s, partly because he was limited to smaller recording labels such as Coral Records and partly because of competition from other Miller alumni and imitators such as Jerry Gray, Ray Anthony and Ralph Flanagan. Eydie Gorme sang with the Beneke band in 1950. Beneke appeared on Cavalcade of Bands, a television show in 1950 on the DuMont Television Network. In the latter part of that decade there was some revived interest in music of the swing era. Beneke joined a number of other leaders such as Larry Clinton and Glen Gray in making new high fidelity recordings of their earlier hits, often featuring many of the original musicians. Beneke and former Miller singers Ray Eberle, Paula Kelly, and The Modernaires first recorded the LP Reunion in Hi-Fi, which contained recreations of original Miller material. This album was followed by others featuring newer songs, some performed in the Miller style and others done in a more contemporary mode. The singer/saxophonist continued working in the coming decades, appearing periodically at Disneyland. He also made the rounds of various talk shows that had musical connections, including those hosted by Merv Griffin and Johnny Carson. His appearances on The Tonight Show sometimes included duos with fellow Miller veteran Al Klink who was by then a key member of The Tonight Show Band. Ray Eberle recovered from his earlier illness and resumed performing with Beneke and the Modernaires for a period in the early 1970s. In 1972, Beneke agreed to re-record some of his Miller vocals for Time-Life Records’ set of big band recreations, The Swing Era, produced and conducted by yet another Miller alumnus, Billy May.During the 1970s and 1980s, Beneke had a new band playing a style that resembled the classic Miller sound but with as much newer material as older. At one point he also toured with former Jimmy Dorsey vocalists Helen O'Connell and Bob Eberly. Beneke suffered a stroke in the mid-1990s and was forced to give up the saxophone but continued to conduct and sing. In 1992, Tex Beneke received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame with funds collected by co-leader Gary Tole. He settled in Costa Mesa, California and remained active toward the end of that decade, mostly touring the U.S. West Coast and still playing in something resembling the Miller style. In 1998 he launched yet another tour paying tribute to The Army Air Force Band.On May 30, 2000, Beneke died from respiratory failure at a nursing home in Costa Mesa, California, aged 86 and was buried in Greenwood Memorial Park in Fort Worth, Texas. At the time, Mr. Beneke was survived by his wife, Sandra, of Santa Ana, Calif. His saxophone is currently used by the Arizona Opry.

[anarchaiiblake-blog]

OP-ED Girl’s Generation

Okay. So anyone that knows me knows how much I fuck with K-Pop. It’s become a huge influence for me; and anyone who follows K-Pop knows that some crazy shit happened this week!

It was announced that three members of Girls Generation, aka Sonyeo Sidae (SNSD), decided not to renew their contracts with their label, thus leaving the group.

I woke up from a nap and it was the first thing I saw when I turned my fucking phone on! I just kept going “What? Whaat?! Who?! WHAAAT?!”

 Tiffany, Sooyoung, and Seohyun decided to not renew their contracts with the label, so they can go about different endeavors.

 For those of you that don’t follow K-Pop this shit is BIG.

 Since SNSD is a group that I look up to I decided to reflect on this and share it with you guys. Okay so check this out..

                                                BACKGROUND

      For those of you that know about kpop, or if your a SONE you can       

       skip this unless you just wanna read shit from my perspective lol

  Hyoyeon   Sooyoung   Taeyeon   Yuri   Yoona     Tiffany Jessica  Seohyun Sunny

For those of you that are unaware SNSD is the most successful girl group in Asia. By 2012 they already sold 4.4 Million physical albums and had 30 million digital sales.

They debuted in 2007 with 9 members, after having trained under their label for 7 years. The gained a lot of attention with their debut song Into the New World, but blew the fuck up when they dropped Gee. 9 times out of 10 if a person has only heard one song from K-Pop they talk about Gee…and probably Gangnam Style.

In 2014 (worst year in k-pop) we found out that one of the members was terminated from the group. They called a random meeting and basically told Jessica it was a wrap. From what I’ve read she was planning on leaving anyway that next year but the true story behind why Jessica was removed has not been told. But there’s mad tea all over the internet with behind the scenes juice. Either way the fanbase (SONE) flipped the fuck out because Jessica was a huge favorite and one of the lead vocalist for the group. Honestly her voice was very distinctive and it sucks not having her in the new songs, despite how good they are. After she left the dynamic of the group changed a lot, but they still dropped good singles.

 Also. Jessica. I am sooo proud of you and your continued success! You deserve every fucking bit of it!

SNSD just finished celebrating their 10th anniversary since debuting, in August, with a release of their album Holiday Night. I fuck with the album, and honestly this album could be a last album and be a good piece of work. This is the most mature they’ve ever sounded to me. The album was both a celebration, but definitely had songs that put me in the feels. In moments there were parts that eerily sounded like Jessica. Most of all Light Up the Sky just sounds like a goodbye song and I cry nearly every time I hear it.

 That being said, that was a quick background.

                             TIFFANY, SOOYOUNG, AND SEOHYUN 

Tiffany

Sooyoung

Seohyun

So now we get to the present. Sooyoung, Seohyun, and Tiffany are leaving SNSD and SM (which side note: congrats on leaving SM. Good label but they’re mad shady.)

 Now when I read these names, I wasn’t surprised by Tiffany. Tiffany basically foreshadowed that she was leaving because she said next year she was planning on moving back to the US in order to study acting. So when I saw that I knew she was gonna leave. (Side Note: Tiffany, Jessica, and Sunny were born in Cali.)

 HERE’S what shocked the fuck out of me. Seohyun! Our maknae! The baby! I honestly thought she would stay in the group for a while because she’s still young (26) and is a main vocalist for the group, and could still do outside endeavors while occasionally promoting with the group for a few more years. What I didn’t think about, however, was the fact that because she was the maknae (youngest member) SM entertainment was very strict on things she did regarding her image, and management. They denied her different acting roles, as well as being very controlling over her solo music. She had to completely change the concept she wanted for her solo release because of the label. What’s also shocking is that she wants to sign to a label to focus on acting work! She is an amazing fucking singer and to think we may not hear music from her at all, at least for a hot ass minute, is crazy. I never saw this playing out this way.

 Sooyoung didn’t surprise me either; I actually thought that when people started leaving the group that she would be one of the first ones. Her only wanting to pursue acting doesn’t really surprise me either. She has a great voice but I had a feeling she didn’t plan on promoting as a solo artist.

 SM is not a good company for acting honestly, so it makes sense that the three of them would want to leave. Also, they’ve been with the label for 17 years. I would want to leave too.

                                                     THE GROUP

Now what I can’t stop thinking about is the fact that there are only 5 members left in the group. SNSD is just known to be that group with mad fucking members! Groups with big numbers are more popular now, but still….it’s fucking Girl’s Generation. I would actually really like for them to release singles with 5 members. I’m dying to see what concepts they go with. ESPECIALLY because now the only main vocalist is Taeyeon (unless Sunny is also a main vocalist but I don’t think she is.) I do hope however this means Sunny gets stronger vocal parts because she can really fucking sing! I’m hoping they release more Catch Me if You Can-ese songs since there’s more main/lead dancers now. I feel the members that haven’t been given enough time to shine in the group can have the chance to now and I hope SM does well with that.

                               QUESTIONS AND REALIZATIONS

 1.     Do any of the members that left still fuck with Jessica? If so, will they start publicly supporting Jessicas work?

2.     Who’s gonna hit Tiffany’s high note in Mr.Mr when they perform throwbacks?  Can Taeyeon even hit that note?! No shade, but I legit don’t know if she can.

3.     Will they just decide to end the group and not promote as 5?

4.     TAETISO is over. I’m not really sad about that. I love them but I only liked Holler, and Dear Santa.

5.     How long is this next contract that the girls signed?

6.     When there’s finally a reunion some time in the future do you think Jessica will join them?

7.     How long do you think it’s gonna take until Sooyoung writes that book that she said she wanted to write, about SNSD?

8.     What labels will they sign with next?

9.     Will Tiffany eventually move back to Korea? Who do you think she’d sign with?

10. I’m also really sad that Tiffany wont be releasing music because I fucked with her release.

11. Same for Seohyun!! I really fucked with her single too, and I think she’s an amazing singer.

12. I know that Seohyun and Sooyoung plan on doing musicals but that’s not good enough for me because I don’t like in Korea so I can’t see it lol

13. I wonder now that SNSD is basically heading towards  a disbandment, if SM will finally stop blacklisting Jessica from performing music shows (YOU’RE NOT LOW SM, WE ALL KNOW!)

14. I honestly thought SNSD was gonna keep going for a hot a minute and just drop less singles, like Brown Eyed Girls.

 To the members of SoNyeo SiDae:

 It took me awhile to become a SONE but now I am and I truly thank you for all of the hard work you’ve put in for the past 17 years. To train as vigorously as you did, at such young ages, to then be catapulted into stardom, and handle it with such grace is truly a reflection on how amazing all 9 of you really are. You have become a source of inspiration for me to push harder and never stop even when I’m tired. It breaks my heart seeing the end of the second generation of K-Pop playing out. I will continue to love you and bang out to your songs. To the departing members I wish you all continued success in your solo endeavors and I can’t wait to see what’s next to come!

Check out Holiday Night: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2sibUTD6iM

[yeonchi]

2017 In Review

It’s been a very eventful and turbulent year, with quite a few things, both good and bad, happening all over the network.

Over on the Waifu Network, I’ve restarted Waifu Pros and Cons with the intention of hopefully posting at least one entry per month. The posts on the Waifu Network are pretty much linked to my anime posting on Facebook, so I needn’t make original posts for every page, which makes my life very easier.

We’ve introduced Ritsu’s brother and Azusa’s boyfriend, Satoshi Tainaka, as a new poster on the Waifu Network this year. This was a tie-in to the series A Month of Summer Azusas and its mini-series The Missing Pics on the Ecchi Waifu Network, which (despite delays) went off without a hitch. Anime Tiddie Check was also intended to be a series that estimated the breast sizes of the Waifu Network girls and compared various artists’ (official and fanart) interpretations and portrayals of them. However, it was made a one-off instalment for the K-On girls because there was a lack of viable nude group fanart for the other series we’ve featured.

I’d like to take a moment to pay tribute to three people who inspired me to begin the Koei Warriors Rant Series, namely Matthew Barth, Nathan Kennedy and Mansour Abdulla. Matthew became an admin on the Fans of Anime page for a little bit, but he was a staunch proponent of English voices in Koei Warriors games. Nathan was fighting with depression for a long time (as far as I knew), so I was particularly concerned for him. He deactivated his account in September this year and I haven’t heard from him since. Mansour became disillusioned with Koei Tecmo omitting English voices from their games and gave up on them a while back, even when I transitioned to discussing Japanese game localisation in the West. An honourable mention also goes to Scooter McDowell for helping me out with compiling the EX and Musou attack list for the characters in Dynasty Warriors 8 Empires, which was a big help for me at the time (it’s been a few years, so you should be able to find that information on wikis already).

The #NoDubNoBuy page will be changing its name to English Dubbed Game News from January 18, 2018 and we will no longer be reposting negative comments in the name-and-shame album as it has now been deleted. I will not confirm or deny the fact that recent events have influenced this decision, but regardless of this, I stand by what I said about the comments and the people who wrote them. More information can be found in this post.

The Undub page has strangely gone dead recently as their last update (at the time of writing) was posted on September 9. In the months before this, they have been promoting a website known as Own Your Game, which provides information on games that have physical releases, whether Western or Japanese. They have even gone to great lengths to show the text and voice languages that the game has, which fits with their standard of games being released with dual audio and as many text languages as possible. (UPDATE: 3 January 2018 - Apparantly, the Undub page is not dead. Thanks for clearing that up.)

Over the past three years, you may have seen me comment about English dubs on some posts on the Koei Tecmo Facebook page. I’ve decided to drop that because I feel that my time and efforts are wasted trying to convince a bunch of sheep to support dual audio when Koei Tecmo doesn’t make any effort towards dubbing their games. I’ll admit that I’ve lost interest in Dynasty Warriors and other Koei Warriors games recently because of this and other commitments. I’ve expanded to talking about English dub in general over the past few years, but right now, I just feel like posting news about games that have been dubbed or not. If that helps the English dub fanbase, then I’m happy with it.

I had plans to revive the Sea Princesses cartoon in order to complete the Sea Princesses Wiki, but I’ve decided to put that on hiatus because I’ve heard nothing regarding reruns or fansubs over the past year. I was going to post details about my proposed fansub project, but I’ve decided to put that on hold as well because I’ve been very busy (and not because no one would be interested in it, in case people are pointing that out). The vandalism of pages on the wiki is also continuing, but I’ve decided that it would be a waste of time to continue undoing random changes made by stupid people who have no idea about the cartoon (and rightly so).

Obviously, we’ve had a few conflicts with some people over the years and out of all of them, I think we’ve only had one or two that have escalated. Despite everything that has happened, I think that the main reason as to why the Network has continued to survive to this day is because we stood tall and maintained the high ground in the face of adversity. People have tried to discredit us over the years, but they failed because of various factors - they may have made points that were missing the point, they may not fully understand the topic in question, or they were just being petty (because I already proved that they were morally worse than me). I’m actually tempted to generalise all my naysayers in a negative light, but in the end, all I can count on is the satisfaction of being on the moral high ground. If you want to win an argument with me, your best bet is to just have a polite and civilised discussion, otherwise, it’ll just end up in a conflict with stupid people fighting stupid with stupid.

I’ve stopped actively looking for people to admin my Facebook pages as I’ve found that there hasn’t been a lot of interest in it over the past few years. It’s really sad when you’ve already hired admins to post on your pages and they don’t do anything, which makes you think that they probably shouldn’t have applied to be an admin in the first place. Personally, I think the way I’m running my pages is going good so far, even if the growth is a bit slow because I don’t use dishonest methods to promote my pages.

Speaking of pages, the rumour about non-business pages being deleted is still going on. Even though the timing of the rumour coincides with recent events that caused me to be postblocked three times in a month, I still think that it is bullshit. I won’t elaborate any further on this, but I hope that the people responsible for the reports thinks about the irreversible damage they have caused just for being petty on social media.

Rumours have been spread about me being an “attention-seeking dork with no friends” in relation to the #NoDubNoBuy page and the Dub Logistics series, or me using my niche status on the internet to promote hate and harassment in relation to the political posts on Hong Kong news that a page related to the Network has posted. Firstly, I like to keep my personal life separate from my online life, so what right have you to make judgements about me based on my opinions? Secondly, I’m not the type of person who wants to be perceived that way (in fact, who does?). I like to see myself as an insightful person who likes to speak their mind about things. Obviously, I’ve kept myself informed regarding current affairs in Hong Kong and Mainland China and like other people, I have negative opinions regarding the current situation over there, particularly when it comes to governance and law enforcement (criminal activities). Granted, some offensive language may have been used, but chances are that other people have the same thoughts I have, even if they would have worded it differently.

(UPDATE: 3 January 2018 - Looking back, I’m not even sure what effect the other party was trying to achieve with the events of the feud. Him ‘flexing’ over my posts being reported was definitely a ruse to attract my attention, but it didn’t work well because I didn’t hear about it until three weeks after the first post was reported. As I mentioned, some of his actions did nothing to redeem himself, yet it didn’t seem to mean much to other people since they didn’t pay much attention to it. Personally, I still think that he is either trolling or being paranoid about his reputation. He can say that I’ve been wrong about him and I can say that he’s been wrong about me, but I think that both of us should be grateful in at least one aspect, including the fact that the feud hasn’t escalated to drama the likes of YouTube, 4chan, Reddit, or even Encyclopedia Dramatica, where other people could start taking sides and blowing things way out of proportion. I’d like to reiterate that all views and opinions of the feud have been left to each party’s own interpretation - this is just my side of it. Both of us have moved on from all this, so hopefully in time, it’ll all become a forgotten afterimage.)

Given that I’ve kept the Hong Kong page separate from the rest of the Network, the thing I’m trying to say here is “don’t believe the rumours”. I can only say this because I have a niche fanbase; if I was famous like Keemstar, Leafy or RiceGum, that statement wouldn’t stick with everyone. This is my way of telling you all to focus on the positives and not the negatives.

So, despite what others may say about my fanbase, I’d like to thank my fans for their continued support. You don’t need to be flattered or anything because I know who you are. I wish you all the best for 2018.

[valkyrie-echo]

Project Echo, Part 3: Chapter 16 (The Collector, Part 2)

Part 3 Summary: Seven years after the events of “Part 2”, Avengers Tower explodes, fulfilling Bucky’s vision. All evidence points to Avengers Shadow-Ops leader Inessa Ryker, who is forced to seek out Bucky in hiding. Together they must determine who the traitor is in their ranks and if their friends are still alive- all while trying to survive deadly ambushes orchestrated by Sam Wilson and his hand-picked army.

Chapter 16: The Collector, Part 2

"Heads up, we'll be at the Collector's Vault soon," Peter's warning was more for his own crew than Inessa and Bucky, they were on the bridge with him.

"Last chance," Inessa looked to Bucky as she double checked the edges of the scythes, "figure out a better plan yet?"

Bucky shook his head, "Ask his price, and figure out if we can pay it. If not, then you do it your way." He glanced over at her and sheathed his own blades, "Are you alright?"

"Am I alright?" Inessa put her scythes down and picked up her arm guards. Bucky held out a hand. She eyed him wearily, then hesitantly passed him an upper guard.

"I haven't seen you refill the anti-venom," he nodded to the silver disk on her wrist and pulled her arm out slightly so he could help fix the armor properly. There were leather straps and buckles, but the primary attachment on the bands appeared to be a magnetic lock. His left hand momentarily stuck in the clams and in freeing it he sent a shower of sparks onto her exposed shoulder, "I'm sorry!" Bucky quickly checked the skin for singes. The only time his metal arm set off sparks like that was when it hit-

"Vibranium," she explained in response to his look, "after you left we came across a cache of it. Enough that most of the Leaders have some sort of vibranium armor. Vision? He's roughly 70% of the stuff." Inessa glanced at Bucky's hand, still on her forearm, "and don't worry. It's not the first time that arm's been burned. I can handle a few sparks."

"I know," Bucky released her shoulder and concentrated on attaching the secondary straps. Inessa slid her forearm guards on.

"You know, you were my mission for the last three years."

He was surprised at that, "Wait, what?"

Inessa nodded, "We started hearing whispers in rural Asia about a one-armed monk helping people out. We didn't know it was you- Steve asked me to keep an eye on it for potential recruitment. It was around two years ago- when you inspired that drug lord to relocate I started to suspect you might be the Nomad. We could never predict where you were going, but we could usually figure out where you'd been. I kept that from Steve, and from my team."

"I appreciate that. I needed time to get my head on straight."

"And?"

Bucky nodded, "And it wasn't so bad. I thought I'd be bored out of my mind at first, but- I was a hero without having to hurt anyone. Pierce- my Hydra taskmaster- he used to give these little speeches before every mission- tell me I was doing good work, the work of a hero, helping shape the world for the better," he shuddered slightly at the memories, "being an Avenger reminded me of that too much. At least back then."

She picked up on his tone, "You were thinking about coming back?"

He shrugged, "Maybe. On and off. I would have probably resisted another few years but eventually? Yeah, I think I'd have come back."

"Steve would have made you a leader in a heartbeat," she promised, "he's always worrying about having only one Black-Ops team."

"If we get through this, if we find them and bring them back, maybe I'll come to the Tower for a bit. Try it out again."

"They'll love that," she cleared her throat and changed the subject. "It goes without saying, but for my own peace of mind- I only kill enemies. Things are going to get ugly- between us and the Avengers, between the Collector and I- I don't kill friends, and I don't kill for the sake of a threat. The Collector doesn't know that, but you need to. If- if..."

Bucky understood, "If Sam's team got there first I promise I have no intention of hurting any of them... Permanently."

"Thank you."

"Aw, look at the two of you, not biting each other's heads off." Peter smiled slyly, "World peace." Bucky and Inessa both gave him the look.

"When we get there," she turned back towards Bucky and hesitated, "I don't know who Sam's brought with him, but I know he'll have a member of my team with him, maybe two," a shiver ran through him. The traitor, it's a member of my team, "Your priority will be Marie, and I'll try to ID her for you. Most Avengers have defensive powers and offensive weapons, Marie's one of the few exceptions. She's the one who gave you those burns. You'll need to take her out of play first while I try to identify as many members of Sam's team as possible."

"Marie bad, got it." he had the feeling this was her enemy- Inessa seemed very fond of the other one, Amadeus?

"Don't kill her," Inessa reminded him once again, "if I'm every going to convince Sam I'm not the enemy then I need to keep anything permanent from happening to his Avengers."

"He's only going to keep attacking."

"It's his job. He thinks what he's doing is the right thing. I won't fault him for that."

Bucky sighed and moved to attach Inessa's other guard, "I spend 70 years as Hydra and come back to fight for the Avengers. I go away for five more and now I'm fighting for and against them at the same time."

Inessa chuckled, "Now you know what the Civil War felt like. Fighting for and against your friends... I've never had a harder time making decisions in my life than then. Who to listen to, when to ignore them. Being stuck in the middle is hard work. And that's where we are now- between the Avengers and some new baddie."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to help," he had a feeling a good portion of Inessa's initial hostility came from that, "and if I'd known Steve went that far off the rails you know I'd have high-tailed it back, right?"

Inessa nodded and stepped away from him to finish tying the guard herself, "I know."

"It can't have been easy on you either. You were still getting yourself put back together," he prompted.

"I spent six weeks at Camp Hammond- it's where we send kids or people who don't want to fight. You learn to control your abilities. The head of the camp is this shrink, Trauma- he helped a lot. I'd spend my days there and my nights working with the others as the Shadow." She was smiling at the memories. It was the first time he'd seen such a genuine expression on her face- other than rage and pain that is.

Peter chuckled, "Should I leave you two alone?" if he only had popcorn he'd be totally ready to watch them for a while more.

"Go to hell," Inessa's voice held no venom, but she went over and lightly punched Peter's arm," When we get to the Collector's Vault, I'd appreciate it if you would find a ship for Bucky and I and program in Berny's coordinates."

"You cutting us loose? The deal was we take you as far as Berny's."

"And Asgard knows you helped us," Inessa countered, "I'm not willing to risk your team getting on the wrong side of the Counsel of Yggdrasil. Got it? Up to now you can say you didn't know- you answered an S.O.S. from me saying Sam went dark, came to meet me, then when you found out the truth I held your crew hostage. You waited until we got off the ship at the Collector's Vault, managed to free yourselves, and high-tailed it out of there. Hell Peter, tell them we're going to Berny's next. Offer to help Sam hunt me- do whatever it takes to get out of this cleanly."

Peter shook his head, but he couldn't form his argument. He barely knew Inessa- he barely knew most Avengers, honestly. That didn't change the fact that she was still a friend. He wanted to help, but he didn't want to risk Groot, Rocket, Drax, or Gamora getting caught up in something either. They'd need to decide their next move as a team.

"I've got payment for the job," Inessa pulled out two black drives from her cargo pants, "I'll give it to Rocket."

"How much is it?" They'd never discussed payment.

"Everything."

Peter's jaw dropped- literally, "Are you kidding me?"

"You've risked a lot, you all deserve it. Besides- if you'd just asked Tony would have given it all to you anyways." She walked off the bridge without another word.

"The Avengers pay you for your help?" Bucky was starting to think of the Guardians as less of an Avengers unit and more along the lines of mercenary squad. He wasn't up-to-date much on currency forms, but those looked like hard drives, not money. Unless there was some galactic form they used that he didn't know.

Peter nodded, still stunned, "Movies and music. They pay us in movies and music…"

Bucky understood then- they were hard drives, "The Avengers media library."

He nodded, "Every movie, television show, and album ever digitized," his voice was reverent.

"You look like you're going to cry."

"I might."

"OK everyone, buckle up for landing," Rocket cradled the hard drives lovingly as they all took their seats on the bridge. Bucky glanced over at Inessa as she sat down. It took a bit, but eventually he realized that when he'd asked her if she was alright on anti-venom her immediate response was to change the topic- and just keep changing it.

She buckled the safety belt on the fourth try. Inessa flexed her right hand and held it flat just above the arm rest. If he wasn't looking for it he wouldn't have noticed her hand wasn't touching the chair. It shook and twitched slightly. Inessa immediately set it on the rest and flexed it a few more times. Had she lied to Peter? How much trouble was she in really? Her reluctance to scout with Nadya suddenly made sense- it was possible using her powers would speed up the effects of the venom.

His heart hammered uncomfortably. On the one hand, he knew from experience the venom wouldn't kill her (at least it hadn't in the several months she'd been poisoned before Simmons created the cure), on the other hand he still had nightmares once in a blue moon of running through the fields on Clint's farm carrying her as they phased in and out of the Valley. Fear had brought them back when he thought they'd be trapped for good. This Inessa didn't look like she frightened as easily.

"Sam's here," she said suddenly. Bucky felt like he'd been doused with icy water. He was going to have to fight again- really fight. Would the Winter Soldier stay dead?

"How can you tell?"

Inessa pointed out the windshield at the massive silver space station- a city floating among the stars. A central hanger was open and inviting near the base of the station, but it looked mostly empty. Few lights shone in the structure, but it seemed to emit its own glow, "Remember when I told you space is bright?"

"Yes?"

"I can feel the shadow that thing is casting. It goes on for millions of miles- absolute darkness." Inessa pointed at a seemingly random point to the far right, "There's another shadow there. Someone's cloaked, I'm willing to be that's Sam because that's the kind of luck I've been having."

"Shit."

"I am Groot."

"What he said," Rocket was his usual over-confident self, "you focus on getting the intel, we'll make sure you've got your escape."

"And then high-tail it out of here," Bucky reminded Peter.

"And then you high-tail it outta here."

"You too, in the opposite direction," Inessa's tone was stern.

"Avengers Leaders can't command one another," Gamora reminded her, "our team will make its own decisions."

"I paid you to go."

"We will," Peter ended the dispute, "we're just saying if you let us, we're willing to follow."

"Look, I'm touched, really. I'm just not willing to let anyone else disappear or die because of me. Got it?" She'd lost too many friends already, and the reality of the situation was that it was more likely she'd arrive at the lair of whoever took the Avengers only to find their corpses. The Guardians were barely Avengers, it was more an honorary title, and she wasn't willing to let them put themselves on the line when this was an Earth-Avengers matter.

"We'll go to Earth," Gamora leaned forward and put a hand on Peter's shoulder to stop his protest. "Is that agreeable? We will help our allies there."

"Thank you," Inessa relaxed in her seat as they angled towards the landing strip.

Peter glanced back at her and in a look conveyed what the Guardians all thought: They're not going to survive what's coming.

In the end Inessa stood by her position and did not call Nadya. Any kind of interference with one of those frequency-emitters would stun her and risk their chances of surviving whatever ambush Sam had planned. I know you were only trying to help Fandrel, but I really needed to be awake when we left Asgard. She couldn't easily plan a fight without knowing which Avengers- or even how many- he'd brought. There were some who were more vocal in their distrust of her in the last weeks before the Tower exploded, Castor, Ellie, and of course Geoff, but who else would he round his team out with? Amadeus could predict every move she'd make and advise Sam around that, but his loyalty couldn't even come within a mile of being questionable. He'd follow her into the mouth of Hell itself- and had come near enough. Steve had to put Noelle on her team to have someone whose reports he could trust to tell the whole story, Amadeus wouldn't turn against her so quickly, not when there was any chance it was a set up.

Marie on the other hand…

"As soon as we walk out of that hatch Sam will attack," Inessa warned Bucky, "remember, your priority is taking Marie out of play. I'll ID her for you."

"Got it. After Marie should I focus on Sam?"

"I can't say yet. There are Avengers of more immediate concern than him, but I don't know if he brought them or not. Go with your gut."

Inessa looked over at Peter, just out of sight of the main hatch, "Find a ship to program for us, something easy to fly in an emergency," he and Rocket both nodded their understanding.

"Good luck."

"Good bye," Inessa hit the button to open the back of the ship.

The hanger was empty of life, but Inessa didn't put much stock in what her eyes told her. Every Avenger was marked with Nadya's venom, it was for their own security. While most Avengers removed their marks (just as Bucky had) before the Tower even exploded, not all of them could be removed- unless the Avenger was killed. Inessa felt Amadeus on the hidden ship, but she also felt Geoff nearby. His religion forbade tattoos, but he'd consented to have his sternum marked- right into the bone. It was rare enough that an Avenger chose that particular route, but she was grateful for it now. If Geoff was on the platform the others might be as well…

Bucky held one Asgardian blade, but he kept the other sheathed, hopeful he wouldn't need to draw it. He took up the rear as they made their way towards the center of the hanger floor. Inessa stopped abruptly and immediately began to scan the hulking ships around them for signs of motion. It was the perfect spot for an ambush.

"We both know I can see Geoff, there's no point in hiding!"

"Yeah, I know," Sam's voice echoed around them, "but do you know who else is here? No? Uh-oh, that makes this difficult for you. What about how many of us there are? Don't know that either? Oh Nessie, I think you might be in trouble…"

"Marie?" Inessa ignored him and called out, "I've got something to say to you! Are you listening?"

"What's that, an apology?" Marie snapped from behind a jet on their right, "It's a bit late for apologies you little bitch!"

Inessa glanced to the side, "I know what you are!"

Marie jumped up onto the wing of one of the ships, guns out, "CALL ME A TRAITOR ONE MORE TIME, I DARE YOU!"

She smiled, "Bucky, you got that?"

"Oh yeah."

"Training time everyone! I've got a few lessons for you all!" Inessa called out, "One: Don't corner a wolf. Two: Don't give your prey time to speak. Three: Don't give away your presence before the attack, Marie," Bucky spun and flung his blade straight at the girl's head. Before she could react the hilt slammed her between the eyes and sent her flying off the wing of plane and into the hanger wall behind. He'd hit her a bit too hard. "And finally, four," Inessa grabbed the air a foot in front of her eye, but her hand didn't close all the way. She lashed out with her other hand, striking at something just under her other fist. There was a choking cough and suddenly an Indian man was in front of her holding his throat and struggling to breathe. Inessa had his wrist locked in her grip and a long knife was an inch from her eye, "four is that you shouldn't have trusted me to not water down the anti-venom." Inessa wrenched his arm to the side and pulled Raj closer, using him as a shield against Sam somewhere ahead of her. She landed a kick to his stomach and when the man folded Inessa brought her knee up into his nose, breaking it. With one solid punch she knocked him out.

"Two down. Your move next." Bucky was still behind her, still waiting for anything that gave away Sam's location or the other Avengers. He felt a soft shudder on the floor behind him and ducked as Maya fired. The bullet barely nicked Inessa's shoulder. She dove to the side, towards Marie's unconscious body, and dove behind the jet for cover. Inessa retrieved the dagger and closed her eyes, concentrating with all her might.

She'd felt Raj only because of his proximity, it was the real reason she stopped. She closed her eyes and threw every ounce of energy she had behind detecting the marks on each Avenger. Geoff and Bucky were lit up like blinding pillars of light behind her eyelids, but she could only just see a low fog over the entire hanger. It wasn't helpful, she had to know.

Inessa didn't notice Travis sneaking up behind her until it was too late. He jammed a needle into her chest and delivered an overdose of caffeine straight into her heart, "From Amadeus," he whispered softly in her ear, then chuckled and stood up straight, "Oh wait. He told me to give you anti-venom. Ha! Silly me, I must have grabbed the wrong vial." He glanced at the empty syringe in his hand, "Hum, a dose this size… Last time I gave you one of those you were on dialysis for a month and almost pulled yourself out of that body. I wonder how well you'll do out here, where there's no one to save you?"

"Don't forget," Inessa planted her palms on the deck and kicked up with her back legs. She slammed both of them into Travis' knees behind her and suppressed her guilt when she heard twin pops as the kneecaps shattered, "it makes me stronger first."

Travis screamed and dropped. Inessa suddenly saw the Avengers marks too clearly. Her heart hammered and her pulse raced. Every shadow cried out to her mind and for a brief second she could see from every corner of the building at once. Each room, each vault, even Amadeus locked in the brig of the ship above. He looked up to meet the silver eyes gaping from the shadows in each corner, "INESSA NO!"

Bucky felt like he'd been thrown into a freezer. He dodged a swing from Maya only to step into the path of some kind of beam of fiery light. His arm shattered the beam and three ships exploded around them. The metal glowed with a golden light and he punched Maya hard in the thigh. His caution was rewarded- her leg nearly blew off. If he'd aimed for her head or chest… Bucky sincerely hoped Sam brought a healer or two with him.

He dropped Maya and turned towards the source of the light. The way his vibranium arm absorbed the force and split it- it behaved like Mjolnir. He saw a blond woman hovering in the air above him holding a golden great sword- a claymore. She was glowing with energy. He couldn't reach her at that height, so he turned away and busied himself finding Inessa and dodging the swings of the blade.

Bucky skid behind the remains of the jet Inessa had run to and found her gasping for air. Travis was behind her, still screaming, and Bucky knocked him out with a savage punch. In Inessa's hands were his knife and the same kind of long metallic object Loki had used to lock Inessa's powers away. He took the knife from her hand quickly as she began to convulse and put a hand on her back. She was bleeding shadows, as she always had when using her powers for anything too big. The shadows around her arms were a bit too dense though.

"Nessie? NESSIE!" He grabbed the metallic object and turned Inessa's face towards him. A section of pitch-black shadow snaked up the back of her neck and touched his hand. It was like grabbing dry-ice. He screamed and pulled away, then twisted the device to activate it, "Please let this work!"

A spray of bullets almost took both of them out. He barely got his arm up in time to block most of them. Inessa's shadow-armor vanished as soon as the device activated and she spun around. Her eyes were wild- and entirely silver. It was no longer just the iris. Inessa stood slowly and looked up at Kelsey and Sam above them. He quickly reloaded and aimed straight for her face, snarling.

"There are three more. Three o'clock, four o'clock, nine o'clock. The ship third on the right, second level, from Peter's- Rocket is there. We have to hurry. We have to leave." Her voice was soft, emotionless. She didn't blink.

"What about the Collector?" he wasn't entirely sure she was in her right mind at the moment- or in her mind at all.

"He's dead." She could see his corpse in one of the vaults, rotting away, "He's been dead since before they were taken. We have to hurry, now. Bring the device."

Bucky dove out from under the jet and rolled to avoid any of Sam's bullets. Inessa stood and held a hand in front of her. Something hard and black formed from her hand. Every bullet Sam fired at her vanished into the shadow. He hesitated, the device was on. He saw Bucky turn it on. How was she still using her powers? Travis fired two doses of pure caffeine straight into her heart. She should have died. She shouldn't-

Inessa lowered her hand as Kelsey swung. Another shield of dark energy formed between then and absorbed the magic of the Lionheart's blade. Inessa held up another hand and clenched it into a fist. Sam's wing unit crackled, then abruptly died as she crushed the internal mechanics. He dropped from the sky and hit the deck hard. Kelsey's ability to fly was innate- she wasn't afraid of Inessa. She dove straight for her, twisting around the block of dense shadows beside her. Whatever was going on with her former ally didn't matter- only that she appeared to be moving a hell of a lot slower, and Kelsey was prepared to push that advantage.

Another wave of darkness flared up and Kelsey narrowly missed skewering Amadeus with the sword- or releasing a blast of energy that could have torn the ship apart and killed both of them. She screamed her frustration and tried to dive back into the shadow she'd come out of, but it was closed behind her. Just in case, Amadeus tackled her and used the blanket Sam had given him to snare her sword while he wrapped his arms and legs around her, pinning her arms back and her legs down. He couldn't knock her out, and he couldn't hold her for long, but it gave Inessa more time. He knew what it meant- the ice burning in his mark, the silver eyes in no less than three shadows of his room- he knew what Travis did, and it scared him to death.

Bucky liked Castor's style, personally. He was a fighter almost equal to Natasha, almost. Luckily he wasn't a super soldier and therefore wasn't anywhere near as fast as Bucky. He slammed a fist into the Avenger's stomach, winding him as well as breaking a rib. Castor responded by bruising one of Bucky's. He wrapped an arm around the boy's neck and spun him into the side of a ship hard enough to break several bones in his face and knock him out.

Sam's team was good, but they'd never fought together like this. Sparring yes, fighting an army of bad guys- probably. But they didn't know how to fight against one enemy. They were waiting their turns, not attacking en masse as they were supposed to. Of course, they wouldn't have to if not for Inessa. How long had she been planning the abduction of the Avengers? How many innocent people died while she pretended to be hunting Hydra agents? What was he even doing helping someone like that? Someone so cruel, so heartless. She said it herself- the Winter Soldier was the one who tortured her, not Bucky Barnes. So what did he owe her that he didn't owe to Steve's memory? Killing his killer was the way to honor him, it was the only way to-

Bucky picked up a metal bar- something from one of the exploded ships, and swung it hard at Ellie's head. She went down easily, "Fucking psychics," he threw the bar at her body and dodged. He didn't notice anyone on his left side, but it was turning out to be one of those days- dodge and someone will appear who makes you glad you moved first.

This time it was Geoff. The boy fired, then vanished and reappeared behind Bucky to fire again. He moved faster than Bucky could follow and it took all of his concentration to keep the fight moving and avoid getting shot anywhere other than his protected metal arm. Bucky and Geoff danced around the platform (at one point passing close enough to a dazed Sam that Bucky kicked him in the nose) in their fight. Inessa was headed for the ship and he needed to get there before she left without him.

He remembered something as he twisted away from another attack- on Clint's farm, when Inessa was sparring with Natasha for the first time- she'd spun around Natasha, just as Geoff was doing to him now. Natasha said it was a move she'd learned to use in time with her abilities (again, just as Geoff was doing), but without them it was slow going. If Geoff's abilities lined up so closely with Inessa's then maybe-

Bucky spun in a circle abruptly, using the device as a rod to extend his range and whip around him. Geoff didn't appear in its path as Bucky had hoped- it was even better. He appeared in the same space the device occupied. Geoff vanished before Bucky could register the stop, but when he reappeared a few feet away he swayed and looked down. There was a large hole in his lower abdomen. Geoff stared at the blood for a long time, then fell to his knees.

Instead of finishing off the boy, Bucky turned and ran for Inessa. She was already stepping into the back of the ship, but her count of the opponents was off. Another one, a man, had Rocket by the throat and was slamming his face into the floor of the ship. There was an eruption of shadows and Rocket vanished. Bucky dove around Inessa and crushed the man's hand in his metal one. Eoin shouted, enraged. Bucky pulled back to knock him out but a second later Eoin vanished. His scream of rage and pain echoed up from the platform.

The door to the ship closed and Inessa headed further in, towards the control panel. Hopefully Rocket had time to program the damn thing. There was a sticky note on a massive array of buttons with a simple arrow drawn to a green one. Inessa gently pushed it and the ship lurched to life. Bucky was thrown back against a wall as they took off. He still had the device in his hand, but Inessa's powers were still working. He had a feeling it wasn't another case of the frequency being miss-handled. Whatever happened between her and the man behind the jet, she was very off.

Inessa sat down and let her head hang for a moment. The bridge of the ship grew bright and brighter as she absorbed more and more of the shadows. She opened her mouth in a small gasp and without warning Bucky was on the other side of the wall, just outside of the threshold. He scrambled to his knees and crawled forward as the doors closed. Just before they sealed off the bridge there was a violent howling of wind and groaning of metal, then Inessa exploded in a wave of shadows.

"FUCK!" Sam screamed as the ship launched. The ambush was a disaster, and what's more- Inessa seemed to be surviving Travis' overdose- the only offensive move the man knew. He wasn't there to help kill Inessa, he was there to keep them alive, but still- he should have brought poison at least, not Banner's old medical bag! "He told Amadeus he intended Inessa to get away, he didn't actually mean it though! Sam wiped the blood and tears out of his eyes- an involuntary side effect of having his nose shattered but that fucking asshole Barnes. He saw Eoin nearby, already working on Maya and Geoff. At least someone knew their place.

CALDER, CALL AHEAD TO BERNY AND TELL HIM TO HAVE TONY'S WEAPON READY!" he snapped into his comms. They kept the Asgardians on the ship in case Bucky and Inessa tried to take that, but now he was regretting the move.

"Next time we fight too." Calder's voice was cold, furious.

They'd stopped Inessa from getting whatever the hell it was she wanted from the Collector- though Sam had expected the man to make an appearance by now. Now it was going to be up to Berny to kill the bitch.

"Tony, this machine is incredible! Why haven't you shown it to the others yet?" he remembered asking long ago.

"Because it doesn't work," Tony had been in the process of packing it up for storage when Sam had seen it. He nailed the door to the crate shut and signaled JARVIS to lock it down. It would be transferred to his remote facility, the most secure of all Avengers buildings, "I made it to help Inessa."

"So what's it do instead?"

Tony had sighed and steered him out of the room to give JARVIS and the suits room to work, "It corrects the photon anomaly that the Shadows give off."

"What does that mean for Inessa?"

"It means it'll rip her out of that body and pull her apart. No more Shadows. No more Loch Nessa. No more Valley. I wanted to help, but instead I made an execution block. She can't know this exists, and neither can the others."

"Why not just destroy it?"

At his question Tony had hesitated long enough to be concerning, "Because I'm not sure we won't need it one day."

Chapter 17: 1,143 Days Before the Explosion

[smkkbert]

To make you feel my love (10/10)

Cover with the help of @pr0fessi0nal-fangurl and an edit by @candykizzes24

Also special thanks to @cainc3 for editing the story!

- Third and last installment of the There goes my life Series -

Summary: One year after the Gambit went down, the incredible happens: Oliver is found alive and brought back to Starling City. All he wants is getting back to Felicity and Madeleine. Though Felicity welcomes him back with her arms wide open, Oliver struggles to find his place in the family. It seems like his place – at least in Mae’s heart – is already taken. And it doesn’t help that it’s his best friend Tommy who seems to have taken it.

Rating: Teen

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Six years later

“You ready?” Felicity asked Mae in a whisper.

The eight-year-old nodded eagerly, putting her hand to the door handle. “You?”

“One second,” Felicity replied, lighting the one candle on the cake. She pushed the lighter into the pocket of her sweatpants and gave Mae a nod. “Ready.”

“Okay, then one, two, three.”

Mae opened the door and both of them started signing, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear daddy, happy birthday to you.”

Oliver had opened his eyes and sat up in bed halfway through his birthday serenade. His hair was tousled, an imprint of his pillow showing on his cheek. Mae jumped onto the bed and hugged her daddy tightly.

“Happy birthday, daddy!” she exclaimed.

Chuckling, Oliver wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. “Thank you, sweetie.”

Careful not to drop the cake, Felicity sat down on the edge of the mattress and scooted closer to her two loved ones. “Make a wish.”

Oliver smiled at her for a moment and closed his eyes before he blew out the single candle. Felicity had debated with herself whether or not to put all of them on it, but since she didn’t want her husband’s birthday to start with a burning bed, she had decided for the much safer version. Mae clapped her hands while Felicity put the cake on the nightstand for later.

“Happy birthday, Oliver,” she whispered then.

“Thank you,” Oliver replied.

Felicity leaned over and brushed her lips against his in a gentle kiss. Oliver’s hand came up to cup her cheek. His thumb stroked over the edge of her jaw gently. Felicity was about to deepen the kiss when Mae demanded, “Mom, you have to get the presents now.”

Chuckling, Felicity and Oliver broke apart. Felicity turned her head to look at her daughter, complaining in a mocking tone, “I was giving daddy his birthday kiss.”

Mae rolled her eyes, making both of her parents chuckle. At eight years old, Mae was starting to feel like her parents love for each other was less sweet and more embarrassing and annoying. Felicity had hoped that attitude would wait until high school, but of course everything happened way too fast, just like it had always been with Mae.

“Well, now that Mae mentioned presents…” Felicity turned her head to Oliver, perking up an eyebrow. He gave her an innocent smile before he whispered, “I’d be really interested in that.”

“And the birthday child always gets to make all the decisions,” Mae told her mother.

Felicity puckered her lips and nodded. “That’s right.”

“The birthday child decides it’s time for presents now,” Oliver said, “so chop-chop!”

Chuckling, Felicity turned on her hands and knees. She was about to crawl to the edge of the bed when Oliver slapped her butt playfully. Mae giggled at that, while Felicity turned her head back over her shoulder and gave Oliver a look that was a warning as much as it was a promise. Once Mae was in bed at the end of the day, she would take this up. Since what she had in mind wasn’t exactly child appropriate, it would have to wait until Mae was fast asleep.

Felicity strolled out of their bedroom and headed towards her home office where she and Mae had hidden all the gifts for Oliver. She grabbed the small hamper they had put all the presents in and returned to their bedroom. She was still in the hall when she heard the whispered voices of her husband and daughter.

“So you’re sure mommy didn’t bake the cake herself?” Oliver asked.

“Yes,” Mae replied. “Raisa baked it and mommy got it yesterday after work.”

“You are really sure about it?”

“Yes.”

“So I can take an extra big piece of it without having to feel like my insides are dying with every bite?”

“Yes,” Mae confirmed once more. “We don’t want to repeat the disaster of your eighteenth birthday, right?”

Felicity rolled her eyes, unable to keep herself from chuckling at her daughter’s words nonetheless. The way she mimicked Oliver’s voice whenever he told her that her baking wasn’t a good idea given the terrible muffin she had baked for his eighteenth birthday. She had planned on baking at least a dozen for him, but only that one muffin had made it out of the oven without being either raw, burnt or a mixture of both. That one muffin had made it, though. It had looked perfectly fine. Unfortunately, it had tasted terrible as Oliver loved to remind her whenever he got the chance.

“You two do know that I can hear you, right?” Felicity asked, stepping into the room.

“We didn’t say anything,” Mae hurried to say. “I just told daddy that I am sure the cake is yummy.”

“Mhm,” Felicity hummed, giving the two a look that told them that she had caught them. When she winked at them, though, they both chuckled. Joining in on the chuckle and shaking her head, Felicity put the hamper on the bed. “Now let’s start with the presents.”

“Oh, there are so many presents,” Oliver said with a look at the hamper. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Take that one,” Mae urged him, pointing at one of the presents.

“Mae,” Felicity said quietly, cocking her head a little. “Let daddy decide.”

“But, mommy,” Mae replied, giving her a look.

Felicity had to bite her tongue to contain the huge smile she felt threatening to form on her lips. Mae loved birthdays and she had been very excited about this birthday in particular. For the last two days, she hadn’t been able to talk about anything else. Felicity had almost been worried that she would spoil the surprise before Oliver’s birthday. She was sure that if they didn’t reveal it soon, Mae would burst.

“Okay, I will start with this one,” Oliver said, taking the gift Mae had pointed at. He looked from Felicity to Mae and back again. “Since it seems to be so important to Mae.”

“Mommy and I made it together,” Mae explained to him.

“That sounds like a very great present to me already,” Oliver stated.

Felicity smiled. She put the hamper down on the floor and snuggled to Oliver’s side, watching him unwrap the present. He discarded the torn paper on the floor carelessly, looking at the photo album in his hands.

“You made me a photo album?” he asked.

“Yes,” Mae replied immediately, nodding her head, “with all the memories since you and mommy met.”

“Thank you,” Oliver said. He kissed Mae’s head and then turned to Felicity. He smiled at her for a moment before he leaned in for a kiss. Felicity duck her head, pressing her lips to his gently. Her fingers moved through his scratchy scruff slowly. He nuzzled her nose before he repeated, “Thank you.”

“Mae did a lot of the work,” Felicity said, shooting a short look at her daughter, who smiled proudly. “I couldn’t have done it without her.”

“You need to open it, Daddy,” Mae prompted, already opening the album.

Felicity couldn’t bring herself to tell Mae to slow down. As much as she wanted Oliver to enjoy looking at the photos that were a reminder of all the years they had spent together, she also couldn’t wait to reveal her surprise to him. She actually felt her heartbeat quickening at the thought of it. Taking in a deep breath to calm her nerves, she rested her chin on Oliver’s shoulder to look at the photos with him and Mae.

“God, it’s been so long,” Oliver said with a chuckle when he looked at the first photo of Felicity and him together. They were sitting in the library at their high school. Felicity remembered how Oliver had tried to take a photo of her, but she had tried to fight him given that she had thought she looked like crap. In the end, he had convinced her to take a photo of the two of them together. They were both making faces at the camera.

More photos of their first months together followed. Though they had never been able to share the photos with anyone and there had always been the danger of someone getting to see them, Oliver and Felicity had taken photos whenever they had felt like it. Keeping their relationship a secret had been one thing, forbidding themselves to do at least some things a normal couple would do was completely different.

Photos from the time during the pregnancy and their first year with Mae followed. In some ways it felt like yesterday that they had taken those photos, in other ways it felt like it had been a lifetime ago. She and Oliver had been so young back then and all too often they hadn’t really known what they were doing. Yet they had made it through and raised a beautiful and wonderful girl.

When they got to the two pages of photos that had been taken of Mae while Oliver had been away, Felicity took a look at his face. She saw the slightly saddened reaction on his face. No matter how much time had passed or how good his relationship with Mae was right now, the pain of having been robbed of a full year with his daughter and her had never fully left him.

Felicity understood that. She felt the exact same way. When she had started working at Queen Consolidated and had started to take over more and more tasks at the company she had to going on business trips, it hadn’t been easy for her to go. She had almost canceled when Oliver had offered for him and Mae to come with her. It had taken years of slow progression from one night away to one week away now. More than one week away from her family was still impossible for Felicity and she saw no reason to push herself past that limit.

Felicity put a gentle hand to Oliver’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. Oliver turned his head and looked at her, so she gave him a comforting smile. Not taking his eyes off her, Oliver took in a deep breath and tightened his arm around Mae’s shoulders, nodding his head at Felicity slightly. Felicity pecked his lips and turned the page for him.

They looked at the first photos that had been taken since he had come back from the island. None of the photos showed any sign of how hard that first time had been. Felicity looked at Mae and about how she told stories about the photos though she probably couldn’t remember anything and just recited what she had been told about them. It was like Oliver had never been away. Of course, Mae knew that her daddy had been away for a year, but she loved him because he had always been a part of their lives, even when he had been away.

They looked through the rest of the photos as Mae continued to babble on. Oliver always smiled when he told her how much she had taken after her mother with her talking. As much as Felicity liked to object, she knew that it was true.

“Mommy, the last page is coming,” Mae pulled Felicity from her thoughts, shaking her knee slightly.

Felicity chuckled though she felt her heart beating up into her throat. She had been waiting for this since the beginning of the week. Actually, she had waited for it even longer, but she had only allowed herself to really hope for this since the beginning of the week when she had gotten confirmation.

Oliver turned his head to look at Felicity and she could see in his eyes that he already knew. She wasn’t good at keeping secrets from him. She had been sure that he had suspected that something was going on. Now she knew that he had known all along what exactly it had been.

She watched Oliver take in a deep breath and turn the page of the album, revealing the photo of Felicity and Mae, holding a positive pregnancy test together.

Felicity bit her lip, looking at Oliver expectantly. When they had gotten married last year, they had decided to wait for another six months until the project Felicity had been working on at QC had finished before starting to expand their family. Four months ago, Felicity had trashed her pills and since then they had worked on it constantly.

“We’re having a baby!” Mae called out when nobody said a word. “Well, mommy is having the baby, but then we all get to have it.”

Oliver didn’t reply. His fingers moved over the picture slowly like he couldn’t feel the plastic under his fingertips and was trying to convince himself that this was real. Felicity felt her heart stumbling in her chest at the sight and she felt it stumbling even more when Oliver suddenly turned his head and, with a heartbreaking sob, pushed his face against her chest to hide it. Felicity wrapped her arms around him, holding his trembling torso to her body and cradling his head to her chest.

Felicity kissed the crown of his head and whispered into his hair, “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

She had prepared for a reaction like this. She had been close to tears when she had seen the result of the pregnancy test, too. As much as they had done whatever they had been able to do since they had learned about Mae, she knew that they had both been young and made mistakes and life hadn’t been easy on them, either. This, this baby, was their chance to make things right and make it work better than they had managed to do with Mae. Felicity wouldn’t push Oliver away. Oliver wouldn’t feel guilty if he needed a little more freedom. Neither of them were going to leave this family, willingly or unwillingly if they had any control over it. This time they would do everything right.

“Is daddy sad?” Mae asked, frowning in confusion at what was happening right in front of her eyes.

Felicity snuggled her cheek to the back of Oliver’s head as she looked at their daughter. “No, Sweetie. Daddy isn’t sad. Daddy is very, very happy, but this is also a lot for him to take in.”

“But he wants a baby, right?”

“Yes, of course he does,” Felicity replied. “You know, he just missed so much time with you when you were little and he knows that he’s been given a second chance now. He loves you very much and he wishes everything would have worked out the way we wished it would have when you were little, but it didn’t. Daddy loves this baby, too, so now he hopes everything will be alright this time.”

Mae looked at her for a moment before she hugged Oliver from behind, resting her cheek between his shoulder blades. Her arms wrapped around his torso as far as they could reach.

“It’s okay, Daddy,” she told him. “This time everything will work out. Everything will be right for the baby.”

Felicity smiled, putting a hand to Mae’s head and stroking over her hair in silent thanks. Eventually, Oliver took in a deep breath before pulling back slightly. He pulled Mae closer, so she was sitting right between him and Felicity. He kissed her head before he looked at Felicity with tear-filled eyes.

“I am not going to miss anything.”

“You are not going to miss anything,” Felicity repeated, the reassurance strong in her voice.

Oliver brushed his lips against hers, pulling Mae closer at the same time. They sat like that, hugging each other and holding each other close for several minutes, celebrating the new start of their family.

Felicity put a hand to her stomach, thinking about Mae’s words. This time everything will work out. Everything will be right for the baby. Felicity hoped she was right. Actually, she felt pretty confident about it. Resting her cheek on the crown of Oliver’s head, she closed her eyes.

This was their second chance and this time they’d do anything right.

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