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OP-ED Girl’s Generation

Okay. So anyone that knows me knows how much I fuck with K-Pop. It’s become a huge influence for me; and anyone who follows K-Pop knows that some crazy shit happened this week!

It was announced that three members of Girls Generation, aka Sonyeo Sidae (SNSD), decided not to renew their contracts with their label, thus leaving the group.

I woke up from a nap and it was the first thing I saw when I turned my fucking phone on! I just kept going “What? Whaat?! Who?! WHAAAT?!”

 Tiffany, Sooyoung, and Seohyun decided to not renew their contracts with the label, so they can go about different endeavors.

 For those of you that don’t follow K-Pop this shit is BIG.

 Since SNSD is a group that I look up to I decided to reflect on this and share it with you guys. Okay so check this out..

                                                BACKGROUND

      For those of you that know about kpop, or if your a SONE you can       

       skip this unless you just wanna read shit from my perspective lol

  Hyoyeon   Sooyoung   Taeyeon   Yuri   Yoona     Tiffany Jessica  Seohyun Sunny

For those of you that are unaware SNSD is the most successful girl group in Asia. By 2012 they already sold 4.4 Million physical albums and had 30 million digital sales.

They debuted in 2007 with 9 members, after having trained under their label for 7 years. The gained a lot of attention with their debut song Into the New World, but blew the fuck up when they dropped Gee. 9 times out of 10 if a person has only heard one song from K-Pop they talk about Gee…and probably Gangnam Style.

In 2014 (worst year in k-pop) we found out that one of the members was terminated from the group. They called a random meeting and basically told Jessica it was a wrap. From what I’ve read she was planning on leaving anyway that next year but the true story behind why Jessica was removed has not been told. But there’s mad tea all over the internet with behind the scenes juice. Either way the fanbase (SONE) flipped the fuck out because Jessica was a huge favorite and one of the lead vocalist for the group. Honestly her voice was very distinctive and it sucks not having her in the new songs, despite how good they are. After she left the dynamic of the group changed a lot, but they still dropped good singles.

 Also. Jessica. I am sooo proud of you and your continued success! You deserve every fucking bit of it!

SNSD just finished celebrating their 10th anniversary since debuting, in August, with a release of their album Holiday Night. I fuck with the album, and honestly this album could be a last album and be a good piece of work. This is the most mature they’ve ever sounded to me. The album was both a celebration, but definitely had songs that put me in the feels. In moments there were parts that eerily sounded like Jessica. Most of all Light Up the Sky just sounds like a goodbye song and I cry nearly every time I hear it.

 That being said, that was a quick background.

                             TIFFANY, SOOYOUNG, AND SEOHYUN 

Tiffany

Sooyoung

Seohyun

So now we get to the present. Sooyoung, Seohyun, and Tiffany are leaving SNSD and SM (which side note: congrats on leaving SM. Good label but they’re mad shady.)

 Now when I read these names, I wasn’t surprised by Tiffany. Tiffany basically foreshadowed that she was leaving because she said next year she was planning on moving back to the US in order to study acting. So when I saw that I knew she was gonna leave. (Side Note: Tiffany, Jessica, and Sunny were born in Cali.)

 HERE’S what shocked the fuck out of me. Seohyun! Our maknae! The baby! I honestly thought she would stay in the group for a while because she’s still young (26) and is a main vocalist for the group, and could still do outside endeavors while occasionally promoting with the group for a few more years. What I didn’t think about, however, was the fact that because she was the maknae (youngest member) SM entertainment was very strict on things she did regarding her image, and management. They denied her different acting roles, as well as being very controlling over her solo music. She had to completely change the concept she wanted for her solo release because of the label. What’s also shocking is that she wants to sign to a label to focus on acting work! She is an amazing fucking singer and to think we may not hear music from her at all, at least for a hot ass minute, is crazy. I never saw this playing out this way.

 Sooyoung didn’t surprise me either; I actually thought that when people started leaving the group that she would be one of the first ones. Her only wanting to pursue acting doesn’t really surprise me either. She has a great voice but I had a feeling she didn’t plan on promoting as a solo artist.

 SM is not a good company for acting honestly, so it makes sense that the three of them would want to leave. Also, they’ve been with the label for 17 years. I would want to leave too.

                                                     THE GROUP

Now what I can’t stop thinking about is the fact that there are only 5 members left in the group. SNSD is just known to be that group with mad fucking members! Groups with big numbers are more popular now, but still….it’s fucking Girl’s Generation. I would actually really like for them to release singles with 5 members. I’m dying to see what concepts they go with. ESPECIALLY because now the only main vocalist is Taeyeon (unless Sunny is also a main vocalist but I don’t think she is.) I do hope however this means Sunny gets stronger vocal parts because she can really fucking sing! I’m hoping they release more Catch Me if You Can-ese songs since there’s more main/lead dancers now. I feel the members that haven’t been given enough time to shine in the group can have the chance to now and I hope SM does well with that.

                               QUESTIONS AND REALIZATIONS

 1.     Do any of the members that left still fuck with Jessica? If so, will they start publicly supporting Jessicas work?

2.     Who’s gonna hit Tiffany’s high note in Mr.Mr when they perform throwbacks?  Can Taeyeon even hit that note?! No shade, but I legit don’t know if she can.

3.     Will they just decide to end the group and not promote as 5?

4.     TAETISO is over. I’m not really sad about that. I love them but I only liked Holler, and Dear Santa.

5.     How long is this next contract that the girls signed?

6.     When there’s finally a reunion some time in the future do you think Jessica will join them?

7.     How long do you think it’s gonna take until Sooyoung writes that book that she said she wanted to write, about SNSD?

8.     What labels will they sign with next?

9.     Will Tiffany eventually move back to Korea? Who do you think she’d sign with?

10. I’m also really sad that Tiffany wont be releasing music because I fucked with her release.

11. Same for Seohyun!! I really fucked with her single too, and I think she’s an amazing singer.

12. I know that Seohyun and Sooyoung plan on doing musicals but that’s not good enough for me because I don’t like in Korea so I can’t see it lol

13. I wonder now that SNSD is basically heading towards  a disbandment, if SM will finally stop blacklisting Jessica from performing music shows (YOU’RE NOT LOW SM, WE ALL KNOW!)

14. I honestly thought SNSD was gonna keep going for a hot a minute and just drop less singles, like Brown Eyed Girls.

 To the members of SoNyeo SiDae:

 It took me awhile to become a SONE but now I am and I truly thank you for all of the hard work you’ve put in for the past 17 years. To train as vigorously as you did, at such young ages, to then be catapulted into stardom, and handle it with such grace is truly a reflection on how amazing all 9 of you really are. You have become a source of inspiration for me to push harder and never stop even when I’m tired. It breaks my heart seeing the end of the second generation of K-Pop playing out. I will continue to love you and bang out to your songs. To the departing members I wish you all continued success in your solo endeavors and I can’t wait to see what’s next to come!

Check out Holiday Night: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2sibUTD6iM

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I want to have sex all the time.

I'm not tho 😂😂😭😭

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Behind Belly of the Beast

If I’m not mistaken, Belly of the Beast was written before all the other songs on the album. This was mostly because parts of the song came from two separate songs I wrote that ended up being scrapped from the project.

The hook (When you see me push up on it, I know you want the good stuff that I’m flauntin’, grab it smack it you can have it, I wanna be your Bad Habit) was from a song I wrote probably a year or more prior to writing Belly of the Beast, entitled ‘Bad Habit’. I wish I could remember how the song went because it was really good.--but it inevitably got scrapped because I produced the instrumental using a video game I have for my PS1 and had no way back then to get a high quality version of the track from off the game. I tried looking for other instrumentals that would fit the song, but never found one.

The english part of the rap was the chorus to a song I had written entitled ‘Iku’ which was an ode to my attraction to asian men and how I wanted to hook up with an asian guy--but the song was TRASH (except for the chorus obviously). Not to mention looking back on it, it was distasteful and inappropriate--BUT WHATEVER because I was young, hooked on anime and Japanese culture, AND EVEN STILL THERE ARE MAD ASIAN DUDES THAT I WOULD BANG! Sooooooo yeah. The chorus was initially sung, but luckily the melody fit the rap perfectly.

Speaking of the rap, of course everyone that knows the song, knows that half of the rap is in Japanese. After writing that section, I wanted to make sure the lyrics were right and so i took the lyrics to my friend Emi (who at the time I was only meeting for the second time lmaoo) if the lyrics were right, and she approved them. I’m sure she wasn’t disturbed with me at aaaallll.

Belly of the Beast is about sexual frustration. I wrote and recorded this song a virgin and by the time it was released i had swiped my V Card, which is what ‘I’m ready to swipe’ had been referring to.....because I’m so fucking clever. 

I wanted to make sure I was ready to lose my virginity which is why I made sure to wait. You only have one first. The more time passed, however my virginity just became a burden and there were things I overthought too much and I really just wanted to get it over with and grow the fuck up.

I am satisfied with both the age I was, and the way I went about losing my virginity. No regrets. I’m glad I waited as long as I did.

Belly of the Beast was the second song I recorded for Nite Owl and the last song i recorded in Jersey City. I got a lot the harmonies last minute, thats to the help of my love Jarrid, and my gurl Rocky. 

The hardest part of recording was figuring out a note to hit at the end of the song. (At that time I always thought there needed to be a big note a the end of a bridge. I also just felt the song needed it.) I tried stuff out, and it wasn’t working. I had the engineer begin to mix and master while I went to eat a slice and drink a beer with Rocky. Rocky told me to stop overthinking it and just do something, so I got back to the studio, he hit record, and I hit the note I hit in the song. At that point it was the highest note I hit, and til this day I get so nervous about hitting it because I don’t know what the fuck I did--so I usually don’t even try to go for that note during live performances. But it sounds great AND ITS AWWWLLL MEEEEE!!! 

Check out Belly of the Beast here: https://soundcloud.com/anarchaiiblake/belly-of-the-beast-1

Download Nite Owl here:  http://www.datpiff.com/Anarchaii-Blake-Nite-Owl-mixtape.438199.html

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My Legacy

First and Foremost shot out to my sister Lizabe, for answering my question which was ‘What do you want your legacy to be?’ Her answer...LOVE. Beautiful

As for me...

I don’t know how long I will be here. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to do. But I know that i’ll fight for growth and success with every moment that I have.

I hope that my life leaves behind inspiration to be free. Inspiration to love yourself and others. Inspiration to inspire. Inspiration to learn from every moment. Most of all to practice EMPATHY and KINDNESS!

I’ve always known that I was put on this earth, at the time I was, for a reason. The more I live. The more I meet others, I’m able to learn understanding--and even more it shows me that there is so much that I can teach to others.

Many have lived harder lives that mine...

It doesn’t make my struggle any less hard.

Many couldn’t have gotten through the things I’ve been through...

It doesn’t make them weaker than me, or any less important.

I hope to bring together different walks of life so that we can learn and grow from each other.

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Question for the day

What do you want your legacy to be?

Feel free to send me your answers

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I'm making each one of these faces, at some point when I need a cigarette.

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Prologue

I listened to the following songs while writing this. If you want to listen to them here they are: 

 SISTAR- Lonely 

2NE1 - Goodbye 

Taeyeon- 11:11 

My legs shake, but I continue to walk forward; and after the past five years its truly an accomplishment, and a times a disbelief that I’m still able to do so. With no warning my life began to spiral, throwing me into a journey of rebirth and self-discovery, that I thought I had already gotten through years ago. I learned how naive my heart and mind truly was, and as the things and people I had gotten used to as constant and important parts of my life began to change and fall apart; I learned how much dependency, worth, and confidence put into everything but myself.

 With life really opening my eyes, I ended up secluding myself for various reason, but mostly because I went through hell and back and now I’m stuck dealing with the damage that came with it. I am still very much damaged mentally and spiritually. Luckily it doesn’t come without reward.

With the upmost joy, I can say I have an album recorded, which will be the first release I have since Nite Owl. It will also serve as my official debut as an artist. I’m both proud and scared with this project as I am with remerging myself around others, as my artistry as well as myself has evolved.  At it’s core my work and my character are the same. The execution and presentation however has changed. Right now I’m making sure that my release paints a proper picture that depicts who I am as an artist and it takes time. For the most part I’m handling all of this by myself. I am however closer than I’ve ever been. Though this piece is a reflection of the things I experienced, I am still currently dealing with the aftermath of all of it, and I’m not going to lie...I am very tired. Luckily I’m in a much better place than I’ve been in a long time. It still comes with its challenges. Every day is a day-to-day battle on making sure that I have more good day than bad. When there are bad days, however, I’m fortunate enough to find something to hold on to in order to make it not so bad. I’m not one to back down from a fight though, so I’m gonna keep trucking.

Here’s a condensed breakdown of what I’ve experienced:

- I’ve spent thousands of dollars on music you’ll never hear

- I’ve had to part ways with people I considered family

- I’ve experienced falling in love

- I’ve experienced heartbreak

- I’ve experienced having my character attacked, slandered, and taken advantage of

- I’ve had my mind, heart, and body taken advantage of

- I fell into substance abuse...like mad times >_> Well not mad times but one too many.

- I played a punching bad to peoples insecurities 

- I realized i was broken, abandoned, alone, and suicidal...a-fucking-gain.  I realized that was basically 13...17...and 19....AGAIN!

- I was expected to provide myself as an ear to listen, a mouth to give advice and tell the truth enough to appease, a mind to write music, a good influence, a bad influence, a roll model the list goes on...but when it was time for me to need that ear...that hug...that fuck...that assurance...I was by myself.

Luckily enough  through these hardships there were some things I was able to learn.

- Depression and Anxiety.

Depression and Anxiety (to me) are like storms, where each raindrop crashes into you like a wave, each one making you weaker than the last. For so long I blamed Depression and Anxiety for the things I went through, and for the difficulties in my life, that I hadn’t realized that I spoke them into existence. I gave the life, and a personality, and responsibility that was mine to take. Those thoughts, feelings, and actions were reflections of what I was going through inside...and the same way that I can take accountability for my moments of greatness I have to take responsibility for my moments of weakness. I am responsible for me, mind-state included.

Self-Love

I learned that no one will ever love me as much as I love me. No one. I have to put myself #1 because no one else is putting me #1. Why the fuck would they? I have to love myself enough for every person in this world.

Family

Not everyone is meant to stay in your life for the long run. It fucking hurts but it is what it is. Time changes and so do people, and sometimes you have to part ways with the ones you love, while supporting them from a distance.

Fucks

MOST OF AWLL! I have learned that I no longer give a fuck about what anyone thinks about me. I will never allow anyone to disrespect my character or my worth every again. If I am not given the love and respect that I give then I will dead ANYONE in a fucking second because we don’t have to be in each others lives and that goes for everyone on the face of this fucking earth.

As I said before...my legs are shaking but I’m still walking forward. I have no other choice. My favorite line in Concrete Runway is “I’d rather die standing, than live on my knees.” I have to live that every day. Honestly I’m scared. I’m scared being Anarchaii Blake again. I don’t feel strong enough--but therein lies the meaning of the name (Change from the darkness brought into the light). I have to embrace those moments and make me shine the brightest. 

I’m done hiding. I’m done guarding my heart. I’m ready to work again. I’m ready to love again.

                                               Anarchaii Blake

                                                RETROSPECT

                                                  Winter 2018

PS: To those that reached out to me in my lowest moments to remind me I’m loved, and remind me what family is...you know who you are...I thank you.