#girl help I am not a therapist

[gayteddy]

(manic episode during the day) YAYYYY I am drawing and writing and having fun lalalalalaaaaa yayayayyipppeeeweeeeee

(manic episode at night) I would do anything to my body rn in order to fall asleep

[gltzpzy]

i wish i could afford a therapist i literally need to tell someone all of my bottled up (no pun intended hahahahaha) trauma about whenever ny brother is drunk

how do i blame this on my dad

already did i hope he dies As he has ruined my family on my mums side and probably his side bc he’s a stupid cunt

[my-name-is-untitled]

Struggling lately with finding the motivation to do things which is especially rough when I’ve built so much of my self-worth and fulfillment on being able to do things well. When working full time, near the end it just felt like burn out but now that I’m venturing back into furthering my education it’s just been getting worse. I feel bad because I’m not completing anything and I don’t want to complete anything because I feel bad. Searching for that magic solution that will stop the cycle.

[theartinmyheart]

.

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

[bunnyboy-juice]

blah blah blah blah blah

[absolutelyzoned]

why is it so scary to eat things i went in the kitchen to look for food and then my family came inside anf i got so ashamed? scared? and immediately ran out before anyone saw me . What. why do i feel like this

[mars-ipan]

Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?

i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.

i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion

like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.

when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it

and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus

and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it

and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list

and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.

ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad

[sampilled]

dress i ordered for my uncles wedding didnt fit, might kill myself

[dosnotoevsky]

soooooo my stubborn ego has finally shattered and I'm starting therapy and like I'm completely oblivious and my first session is like this Thursday and I just.. WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO like help

[imdressinguplikeacat]

i genuinely need someone to beat the fuck out of me

[littlebittywildflower]

I am making another blood of coffee I have decided cause self care. I have art things to work on for my booth I need to be buzz buzz!

[princesslampshade]

When I’m horny I need to be put into a mental institution

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

god im so fucking tired of gender

[fingertipsmp3]

Getting back into journalling does sometimes feel like I’ve given myself homework I cannot lie

[calsvoid]

i cannot spend five minutes with my mom before she drops the most insane lore what the fuck do you mean my uncle had a pregnant wife who miscarried and then divorced him leading to his mental health deteriorating