#but i dont wanna take antidepressants and i WONT
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sab201030 · 1 year ago
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ppl without severe mental health issues dont get that like. your brain does not work properly. the pain is eternal.there are obvs good days and such but on the bad days your brain is lke screaming begging crying telling you to smash your face into the pavement. and like duh i know thats bad. i know that isnt productive and i wont do that. but theres like this alarm in my brain spinning and screaming saying you should take this jar and smash it on your head until it shatters. i dont want to do that. im scared. and theres really only so much i can do to mitigate this kind of pain. especially cuz for one reason or another i cant cry whether its the massive dose of antidepressants messing with my ability or years of repressing emotions and faux machismo, its just. the pain never ends and it never will and like. i cant expect ppl who dont know what something is like to know what something is like but it makes you feel invisible. every single day is a fight in a war for survival and i just i dont wanna keep fighting i know i have to but sometimes i just want to take a break please god i just i cant its so much oh boy now im crying finally this post has taken 10 minutes to write and i just. i just need to do this every once in a while ykno to help myself cry
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hekkoto · 4 months ago
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Hello my darklings!
Here I come with lil post with update cause I feel like you deserve to know how things are going and why lately Im barely online
My main issue is my poor mental health, I again struggle with constant, daily suicidal thoughts. Im kinda used to this as I struggle with this since I was teen, when I was kid they werent daily at least. They stopped like 2 or 3 years ago but now they are back. Its really hard to live like this but I try to keep going, no matter how much it hurts. In case you dont know – I suffer from borderline which means Im constantly jumping between very strong emotions and my actions are often reckless. Usually you can see me being super euphoric but also very depressed. Lately those depressive moments started to be very long and harder than usually. Adding awful heatwave we had since few weeks it caused me to be on edge of giving up. Here I want to thank a lot everyone who was leaving nice comments or talking with me and trying to cheer me up, I know it might be tiring that I keep saying Im worthless and such but thats how I feel. Im not used to people being so nice to me, really thank you, you are saving my life. I would love to be able to ask for help but sadly Im not, I feel like Im burden to everyone. Its something I need to work on, it will take some time but sadly for now Im still struggling with this. But Im always super grateful for everything you do <3
In last days I sleep a lot, like up to 18 hours per day, right now Im not sure if thats cause of my chronic fatigue or depressive state. Im also wasting a lot of time watching lets plays from The Binding of Isaac: Repentance cause its my comfort game and it really helps me. So yeah, I barely do anything.
I struggle a lot with substance abuse, starting from overdosing antidepressants constantly just to survive, I also drink and such. Im aware its bad, Im aware that I cross the line but Im doing it to go through those days. I will try my best to limit this when I will feel better, when I wont need this to stay alive.
Here I want to apologize my Patrons, Im so so so sorry that in last months I dont post most of promised stuff and a lot of things are late ;-; and I want to thank you a lot for still being here, I cant express how happy I am. I promise that when I will feel better everything will be on time, I will also give you some bonus for your patience <3
Please, give me some more time to sort things out. I know that the best thing for me now would be therapy but sadly Im not able to afford this. I will ask my psychiatrist to prescribe me therapy so if in some magical way I will have money I will be able to start it. I start to consider asking my parents for this but honestly? They spend 1000PLN every month just on my meds, they also pay for my doctors, from time to time my mom goes with me to do lil shopping of hygienic stuff and home supplies and pays for everything. They also pay for my flat and all the bills. So yeah... they already spend a lot on me and I feel so bad about this and asking for more feels awful. But if this is something I need to stay alive I guess I have to...
My physical health isnt the best too, I suffer from quite bad pains of joints and muscles. I have bigger dose of meds for this but its still not perfect. Also on days when heatwave hits Im kinda trapped in my house, I cant go outside when its super hot cause its dangerous for me
Thanks to your support and my husband's help things arent super bad yet, thankfully I was able to not go back to self harm and my suicidal thoughts are just thoughts an Im not doing anything to actually kill myself. Without you... welp, I would be dead
I plan to use the best my time when Im feeling fine, I wanna draw and record a lot. So yeah, for now I cant promise any time when stuff will be there but I will do it. I will be working on one project which is very important for me, you will see it soon [I hope haha]. Right now I will focus on commissions and stuff for Patrons so if you wait for something from me – it will be there soon <3
Thank you a lot for your patience and love, you are awesome <3 I dont know how long it will take for me to get better but I will keep fighting and hopefully at some point I wont suffer so much. My past was awful and it damaged me a lot, fixing it will be very long and hard but I must stay strong. I will keep fighting and perhaps I will be able to make my dreams come true
Love ya, Hekkoto
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coridallasmultipass · 6 months ago
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Vent personal medical long post
So the shit week continues. No new painkillers, i took the last expired hydrocodone, so if im still in pain tomorrow im gonna have to cut a morphine in half and see if i can tolerate it (i took a whole 15mg one on sunday when my back pain first went out, and while it helped it was way too much painkiller and i got so nauseous. The hydrocodone is 1/3 of the morphine dose, and i dont know how to cut this tiny fucking morphine pill into 3. I dunno if its even big enough to be cut in half!!)
The specialist did get me a back xray which was normal (as expected), and physical therapy, which is good, except i can only attend if i get an appointment within 2 weeks, because after that i wont have a ride, and the distance to walk there is 2.5 miles steep downhill (fine. Ive done that walk before. It would suck because of the pain.) But coming back home after the appointment would be 2.5 miles steep uphill when im probably extremely sore and can barely walk after physical therapy (has always been the case whenever ive gone to pt) and i dont think i can fucking do 5 miles. I can hardly walk the stairs in my house. (Warned u bout the stairs dogg) The occasional 3 mile round trip that i do to go to the post office when i dont have access to a car is bad enough that it puts me out of commission, especially bc its all uneven terrain no sidewalks.
I tried calling anyway and its voicemail so theyre probably at lunch right now. But it still sucks. Im so fucking tired of this.
I hate having to rely on other people - doctors or family. I hate having to make and attend so many appointments. And im not even fucking doing everything i need to. I saw this pt place has pain management (i didnt think there was any in this area so i gave up on that) so i can try asking for that too, but again, thats more appointments i need to coordinate, and last time i did pain management they basically said "see a psychiatrist for antidepressants or try medical marijuana bc we cant do anything else for you" lmao (i did the mm despite never having tried it before. It helps but its not enough lol). My current psychiatrist has exhausted every medical option for my depression. So its either they give me painkillers or something else idk what, or i just stay home and continue to suffer.
And thats a whole nother thing the rheumatologist today was like "oh why did you stop antidepressants if youre in so much pain??" My duDE I WAS SO MISERABLE AND COULDNT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. Once i stopped antidepressants, i was able to start exercising regularly, i started drawing and writing with more enjoyment (had not drawn with regularity since 2019!!), i am more present in life, like... doing antidepressants was the worst fucking 5 years of my life. None of them helped my depression, they only made me worse. I tried every branch of them and not a single one helped. Im still fucking depressed and anxious as shit taking methylphenidate but hard evidence points to it being a great help compared with anything else ive ever taken. God that fucking "treatment resistant depression" diagnosis was the worst fucking thing. Theres like nothing else to try except super niche experimental treatments that insurance wont cover and they dont accept secondary insurance (which is the one that i could probably get to cover a new treatment but it takes a lot of coordination on both parties, like what im doing for my tmj problems and getting aligners). Ughhh. I dont wanna fucking do experimental shit either. Unless someone wants to donate me an ayahuasca vacation or something lmao. (Joke, i dont have a passport and i dont wanna pause all my other meds)
It sucks that none of my medical problems are treatable. I got permanent depression/anxiety/ocd/whatever other things that are undiagnosed despite my requests for testing. Permanent endometriosis (no cure and my body isnt accepting the medical or sugical treatments). Lifelong teeth problems (unknown if this new treatment will help my teeth or jaw yet but like.. arthritis is also lifelong and damage is damage). Arthritis thats lifelong but Mostly managed, at least during warm seasons. Permanent untreatable fibromyalgia (the antidepressants are the only medical treatment for it and never helped with pain, maybe even made it worse, and no one wants to give me painkillers anymore since like 2015. Sucks that old people can get painkillers like candy but because im young and hide my pain really well i get treated like an addict. My mom was like 'your gramma gets painkillers all the time!!' Yeah but im not in my 70s. Theres age bias here.) I got chronic untreated gerd (well, i take otc meds, and my attempts to treat it got canceled bc thats when covid was rampant, and the doc stopped prescribing me stronger meds bc i hadnt seen him in a while, bUT I LITERALLY COULDNT GET IN BC OF COVID. I just dont eat any of my favourite acidic foods anymore. I miss tomatoes. Sometimes i gotta eat them and just triple up on 3 different antacids and deal with the sore throat the next day). Well, was gonna say i got chronic insomnia but thats probably the only thing thats fully treated by 2 meds and sometimes weed. (But like. Im a nightowl. Its just that i have to fit in with society to get up in the morning for appointments. I have that like delayed body clock issue lol. So in a way it kind of is still a chronic issue, but at least im getting a full night of sleep when the body pain isnt extreme.)
But yeah. It sucks to be me. Dunno where im going w this post. Its just so frustrating when youre telling the doctor you're in constant pain and hes like 'i know. See you in a couple months.' Rheumatologists are supposed to treat fibro. But i always get hot potatoed to the next doctor. Like i get it, i am untreatable, but someone please do something! Ugh. Like theres really no options besides painkillers or weed, and i can only use weed in the evenings bc my family doesnt approve (literally said the most vile shit when i mentioned the pain clinic recommended it), plus cant use it if im gonna drive somewhere - in theory, i dont have a license lol but the point is i shouldnt have to take an intoxicant during the day!! Painkillers at the lowest dose do not intoxicate me, and in fact, make me more lucid bc it lifts the fucking fog of pain!! Wish doctors would understand how much they helped me in the past. When i was on the combo of painkillers and the arthritis med im on now, i was literally going for jogs every fucking day. I have proof of it. I probably couldnt do that now bc im a lot heavier and a lot sicker, but the point is i can be more active if im not in pain, and being active helps both the arthritis and fibro! Ughhhh.
Online is like "painkillers have not been shown to help fibro" bull fucking shit. Maybe im an odd one out. But ive been diagnosed since i was 12 and fit the fucking symptoms. They fucking help and ive been off them for so many fucking years now while all my health has deteriorated. Do you know how miserable it is to find out you have fibromyalgia affecting the nerves around your teeth? On top of my tmj problems!! I can barely eat anything since starting the aligners because my mouth is in too much pain!!
The only thing painkillers havent helped was the fucking endometriosis, which ironically, is the only reason i even have painkillers on hand for my back injury.
And god fuck i do not want to think abt the endo. Theres no quality of life when im panicking every day about when the next flare up is gonna happen. Theres no hope there bc theres no treatment that works for me. I already had a hysto but it was probably too late since the endo spread. Idk if im gonna survive the next flare. Especially because i have to stop taking the med that was possibly helping since ive been on it too long. The doctors ive been seeing have just been like "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" which is just causing more anxiety because the bridge is like. This next month. Whenever theres a flare up, i have to stop ALL my arthritis meds just so i can take advil since thats the only thing that provides me some relief (and thats terrifying bc advil has given me an ulcer before! Because of taking it during a period and i was in too much pain to sit up for 10 minutes after taking it. Fuck endo.) Idk what to do.
Anyway. Thats the sitch. Ill try calling for pt again since this took a while to type. If theyre still closed, well, i guess ill just go fuck myself.
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wizardalone · 9 months ago
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praying on my HANDS AND KNEES that my antidepressants take away any sexual urges and desires. i am THE most repressed motherfucker you will ever meet. i wont deny that im ace but i dont need to be that mad at the fact that i can get horny. like isnt it enough that i hate sex and i dont want to have it. dont even have religious trauma to explain the self loathing that comes when i experience horniness. like shut up brain. anyway hope my antidepressants make this stupid dilemma easier by just removing that shit. i miss having sex but at least i dont wanna die by the waterparks or whatever.
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kirishwima · 4 years ago
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me: takes antidepressants with a fuckton of coffee to have ✨happy anxiety✨
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queerlynx · 5 years ago
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conuredad · 5 years ago
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I wanna talk about antidepressants real quick.
Watching bojack and hearing some of the things diane said really hit home. She doesnt want antidepressants because they make her feel nothing. Shes right. I feel nothing. At all. Sometimes I'll have a little pit fall. Sometimes they last a couple days. But usually, it's nothing.
It's truly awful. I have ZERO ambition. I have no drive. I don't want to go anywhere, or improve anything cuz even if I do, I'll feel nothing.
But its either nothing, or worse than nothing. I stopped taking my meds about 2 years ago and every night was sobbing myself to sleep, wishing for death all day, cutting. Not a single moment of happiness. And all I could think to myself is, this is just who I am. Just like what diane said. I'd think, well life is just like this. What's a pill gonna do about it? Just cuz I take a pill wont change the fact that my life is awful.
But I was at the end of my rope and I was grasping for anything to pull me back up. After I abandoned my apartment, broke up with my girlfriend, moved back home and started over, I started taking my pills again. And that's when I truly saw the difference between myself with and without the antidepressants.
Sure I feel... plain. I dont feel happy. I'm not walking through a wheat field with a family and a dog wearing plaid like the commercials. But I dont wish for death. Well not most of the time anymore. I dont cut. I can go to work and enjoy working with my animals. I dont sob every night.
I completely believe antidepressants are a good thing and anytime someone tells me they dont want them because then they will feel nothing. Well. I wish I could show them my experience. Show them it's better to feel nothing than to only feel pain and suffering.
I really really wish I could feel happy. I wish I had drive do actually better my life. But I don't think that's in the cards for me. Maybe it will. But I just dont have motivation. Depression is so annoying. It tricks you into thinking that you're just a lazy piece of shit. Even when you're taking meds. Theres no cure for depression. God I wish there were. I will forever be terminally depressed. But atleast I'm not in pain right now?
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tigerheart101 · 5 years ago
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Back from a break
Sorry to my friends and fellows for my silence. i took a major mental health break.
 because i learned that the majority of this world is made up of liars. Even people who claim the best intentions, when they find a weaker soul they will manipulate their ways into a win. 
The day when a slightly troubled but generally obsesssively careful and good person is prosecuted when they helped someone who was legit a bad person with bad habits and they helped this person be good and happy and just generally well behaved but still be themselves. then just one day the good person is so emotionally and mentally drained because they have overloaded themselves with work because everyone keeps saying they can handle it that their smart enough their strong enough except that bad person who all though they never out right said anything they constantly reminded them they were nothing but what others wanted them to be then eventually this good person snaps.. stops talking, stops function and ultimately STOPPED HELPING.  my best friend who i have learned is 1 of the only people i have ever been able to trust more then my own family finally said to me.  “it does no good to be a good person if everyone sees you threw a bad filter. and it does no good to give more of yourself to help others when you have nothing left to help yourself. cant fill someone elses glass to the top with water when you only had a half cup of water left in your own. “ 
Id love it if i was such a hard core edgy person that i can say these experiences have taught me to say fuck you to the world and help myself. but it hasnt, i just today gave a stranger 5 dollars to buy herself a bus ticket home to her kids. i still watch 5 kids for a friend for free because their going threw alot and really just needed a bit more help. i still take care of everyone while cried in my uber ride today cause we passed a pilot station. this is just who i am ok.  these experiences, ruined my education. but i wont let it stop me, i got my ged last month and i will be going to school for my associates and later my degree soon as i can securely.  i just got hired for a great job, and i start work in a week and im excited to do it.  i have a girlfriend who is going threw her own struggles and yea we fight sometimes but i love her and i refuse to give up on us because i dont give up on people.  i have my own family, not one i was born to, not one out of obligation or just so they can say they tried to help the troubled girl. but one that loves me up and down. who has watched me grow up in hell threw when i was generally bad (which my bad was having additude, crippling stress and a short temper) and my good which is not now and not then.. my good is a day when i wake up after a good night sleep. which is rare.  i have stopped taking all my antidepressants and anti anxiety even my migraine meds...and you know what..i am so much happier...yea i am traumatized and scarred after this last year of hell.. but being honest without the meds that supposedly are suppose to help me. i have more happy days.. my meds had caused me to gain weight rapidly on top of the far from healthy way i ate. my meds made it so yea i didn't cry as much but when i should have been crying i was sad as hell but i didn't cry, i didn't scream i did nothing but sleep, go to school, and sleep some more, eat whenever i was forced out of the house or someone else put it in front of me.... i dont need it. i hate drugs, before it was just illegal ones. right now its all of them.. because i was a good girl, i did everything my doctor told me to. and all it did was ruin my life. it killed my motivation to function, it made me into a zombie who could barely function and my doses where never even that high. i was so careful i started on tiny doses to try and prevent this very issue and i still had it.. it made me process my heart ache and stress as anger. it made me scared of leaving my room and it made me just want to sleep all day.it made what was never a very healthy body to begin with a much more unhealthy body and nearly made me diabetic because my metabolism was so slow i could no longer handle all the sugar and food and carbs i ingested. 
right now, i should be angry, before i would have been, i would have felt it all as anger and frustration thats all i felt when on my meds.. but right now i dont have it in me to be angry anymore. those who hurt me when i did nothing then be the best i could. i dont care anymore. to those who hurt me out of anger because i stopped making myself sick to keep them happy. To those who gave up on me because of others lies, or things that are just honest to god normal. or things i had no control of. i hope you feel better.  im sorry i pushed you all to the point of giving up, or hating me. im not angry with any of you. i forgive you for your part in it all. and im sorry for mine. im sorry i didnt have it in me to beg for help, or say something when i was stressed, or ask for help when my whole body begged for me to cry or scream but all i did was go to bed. im sorry to my therapist for the fact i couldnt tell you what was wrong with me and every time you gave me homework i never ever did it because i didnt want to acknowledge my feelings and validate them long enough to deal with them and i wanted to just ignore them. im sorry to my family that i wasnt loud enough, funny you always said im loud as hell tis annoying, but for once the problem was i wasnt talking enough and you forgot who i was, you forgot everything about me, dont to the fundamentals of who i am.  im not angry, im not resentful, im honest to god heart broken. i have dated alot i know it. im young thats normal its part of finding yourself for some girl. what i learned, is no heart break is the same as having your own family reject you. no pain is as bad as legit being told that your not wanted, that your a wasted time or that they wish they had never meant you when they are your own blood. 
but im not angry. i was bitter at first with everyone. i didnt understand who people who claimed to protect and love me. could have forgotten who i am at the very core of me. so quickly. but i get it now.  thank you, you taught me alot.  you taught me my voice is valid. im loud as hell, but at least someone hears me.  you taught me that its okay to not be okay because fuck being okay.  you taught me who really loves me. you taught me i have fucking amazing friends, and which ones they where.  you taught me that my biggest fear, was gonna be my greatest strength. 
my girlfriends who family disowned her cause shes trans. She says everyday that only people she trusts is me and her grandmother who is only family she has left. we get in fights built on the foundations of these exact trust issues. 
i understand and respect her pain. but i dont get it. she knows that and loves me for it. because i went threw hell this last year. and lost alot of people to lies. but i still trust everyone. i still offer my neighburs baked goods and a smile every time i see them. i still give homeless people a dollar cause they asked. i still love my family even those who never wanna talk to me. and thats ok.. i dont get the distrust. because to me.. being happy is about being yourself. and you know what. im naive, im volnerable, im ditzy, and oblivious, i trust to much, i give to much of myself, and i love people who dont always deserve it. and im ok with that.  my kindness might be undeserved but ill give it.  i have been nearly killed, betrayed, abused, and assaulted. but each of those people could come to me right now for help. and ill still give it to them. because i was taught if i have it to offer it to someone who needs it.  im okay with that. my girlfriend can be distrusting and angry thats okay to. because i need someone to protect my volnerable ass cause i wont risk hurting someone else to protect myself. 
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tumblunni · 6 years ago
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Aaaaa life update
I now do not know when im gonna be moving to the assisted living mental hospital camp place. It was supposed to be today but then i rescheduled to the 6th cos i was having trouble preparing on short notice and then i had a stupid disaster of running out of my antidepressants and being unable to get my next perscription until 3 days too late. I crashed REAL hard from going straight up cold turkey out of nowhere, i was real fuckin scared of my own damn shadow and unable to sleep and getting huge damn headache and WORRYING SO MUCH I MADE IT ALL WORSE! And now thankfully ive got the pills again but i always get nauseus for the first two days or so after i start taking them and i missed loads of time to prepare cos i was having this freakout and aaaaagh i dont even know!!
I hope i havent missed my chance to go because of this, i mean i wasted like 300 pounds buying suitcases and new clothes and a laptop and all this preparation for being gone for 6 months in an unfamiliar house and just aaaaa! I dont even have anything to drink except water, i friggin threw out a whole freezer full of groceries cos i thought i would be gone by today! And i dont have money to buy more cos i spent it all on preparations and AGH the damn stupid discount laptop still hasnt arrived in the mail and it was such a stupid idea anyway like i know i wont have internet while im there but i just wanted to keep practising my pixelart and writing and such...
Aaaaugh why do i fail everything that i touch
At least i like.. Dont really feel panicked anymore. Im in a weird brain state now, i think the meds are kicking in after an hour so im stabilizing a bit and its just like Man These Things Are Still Bad But I Dont Know How To Feel About It. Like yknow that feeling when youre just.. Confused?? Negative emotion i guess but not any particular type of it. Its like im just generally unsettled and unable to relax but at least im not outright crying anymore. Its so dumb cos i KNOW that theres nothing i can do about it and i just have to wait til i feel better and then contact the therapist again to learn what new time i have to prepare for. (Or if its been cancelled, but i really hope not...) So im all full of pent up panic energy thats syaing DO SOMETHING but i cant. And also im not even panicking anymore and i know the panicking was just a horomonal imbalance from messing up my pill doseage times, rather thsn like my actual feelings and such. But im still stuck in that reactive state even after the irrational feelings have calmed down. Just friggin directionless Something Is Bad Today And I Dont Like It. Stoppppp
Hope i can calm down enough to at least get some sleep soon. I think i migjt be sick for longer than expected cos the insomnia has probably made it all a lot worse! Im gonna sleep for days when i finally settle down
Auauauauuuu
And man i wanna buy an energy drink or something to wake up from my stupor but i know caffeine puts me more on edge when im already in a panic. So im worried ill fall back into the panic state even tho i feel like ive come out of it now? And also might just make my sleeping patterns worse when i finalky manage to pass out.and also its like 3km to the nearest store cos this neighbourhood sucks, and im in no state to hobble down s billion roads all dizzy and sweaty and gross lookin. Also i dont have moneyyyyyy
Auauau prolific.com survey site please refresh with more Things so i can earn 20 pence for looking at bad pics of shoes or whatever. Let me scrape together a bit of spare change from your terrible mess of a site. BAD SHOE COMPANY QUESTIONNAIRES U R THE SAVIOUR OF THE POOR PEOPLE
Ok im just gonna go lie down and feel nebulously worried some more. Maybe think about some dumb kh headcanons to distract myself. Honestly being a Nobody probably feels similar to my PTSD lol. *shakes tiny lil hearts out of a pill bottle*
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saddarkentruths · 4 years ago
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My brain is doing and saying a lot of heavy dark suicidal things rn
Its kinda funky cuz I'm on 250mg of antidepressants
But I'm like "hehe what if I drowned" or like "hehe let's just cut up the wrist upwards and bleed out"
I wish I could like take a bath or something cuz it's not death, I kinda just wanna float, and I dont want to cut, not only cuz I have tattoos - and why do u think i have the tattoos where I used to cut?
But like, do I want cold? Warm?
Idunno, does it make u feel weird if I tell you I have fake blood for moments like these?
Although I did get it for other reasons, but it's a nice way of getting the result without the consequences.
Idunno, a shower wont do the trick, I normally dissociate into a situation, so I guess maybe I am more suicidal than originally thought, if I kill myself often? Not sure, no professional person to talk to, also saying shit like this would put me on red alert, like I'm actively going to try.
I dont want to, I'm not gonna, but it would be nice, ya know?
Kinda just feel weird, but I think, honestly think, its cuz it's getting close to my birthday, and that's when I've tried enough, like in 2014, when I tried to hang myself, and it was close, but my DID self kinda stopped me, and then I was me and fine.
So I guess that's why... or lol maybe my period is coming, who knows.
Maybe I'm fine, maybe I'm not, maybe I should lie down and forget this, maybe I should game and forget this.
Maybe I should take a sobril and suppress all these thoughts...
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maetaurus · 7 years ago
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this post is not gonna make sense and it’s gonna mention anxiety, depression, panic attacks, rape, and drug abuse. so here’s your warning. and suicide
so last night i had my second ever panic attack. i’ve had a lot of anxiety attacks which i was confusing with panic attacks but after last night i know the difference. last night’s wasn’t actuallly that bad. it only lasted for about five minutes and i was able to calm myself down pretty easily. but it made me think about my first panic attack. it happened so many years ago but i remember it so clearly. i was at C’s house and it was late at night and we were sitting on the couch and suddenly i could feel my heart racing and i didn’t know why. i felt like i was suffocating and i thought i was having a heart attack. i felt so antsy and i couldnt calm down or explain why. so i said i was going to take a shower because i thought i was having an asthma attack and cold showers help. but after my shower i didnt feel any better so i desperatly asked C to go outside with me. eventually he agreed and we went on the back porch. i was still panicking and couldnt calm down. i think eventually i did and we went back inside but for the rest of the night i felt so on edge and jumpy. then eventually i went to bed and that was the only night he didn’t rape me before falling asleep together.
moving on quickly before i have a flashback. anywasy last night wasnt bad but it triggered memories of my firs tanic attack and that made it worse. last night i thought that my new dose of antidepressants was effecting me and i was getting anxious from it. and my first panic attacjk i thought it was befcause of the drusg C gave me. so thats another connection i guess.
anyways onto another topic. so dan’s video. i loved it and it was great and i’m produ of him for being honest but also it sucks. ive always seen adn as someone on the same level as me like hes experiencing the things i am and he understands. but now its like oh hes better now and hes happy and hes fine. while im over here stuggling. like the meds werent working and i fele really depressed rn like really really bad and it sucks and all i wanna do is cry and isolate myself because nobody understands me. sure im happy for dan but also i efeel even more alone now. like everyone elese is getting better except for me. im the only one that cant function normally. it sucks. it reallly sucks. idk what to do or how ot get better. i hae so many responsibilities and i just cant do them. i thikn all these years of depression have just spilled out. like i was holding it back for so long because i had to but now i dont have to and i hit a breaking oiint and now its really bad and im scared ill be like this forever and il never ever get better. like  i ont find a med that works and i wont get a job or pay off my stuen t loans or move ou or anything. honestly sometmes i think killing myself would just make it all easier. because all of that would go away and i wouldnt have to be depressed or anxious anymore and my responsilities ould go away. i wouldnt keep letting people or myself down. it would just all stop. i want it to stop. please make it stop.
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ildivine · 3 years ago
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between watching a lot of youtubers, losing a lot of sleep, and playing a lot of the off-peak games, i feel my creativity blossoming in the abstract way that i strive for.
i at least have come to understand how my creativity is dulled, and what i need to get it going again. its difficult, getting older, and becoming more jaded, and depression in the back of my mind is a noisy buzzing that can only be quelled with alcohol or weed. ive been learning how to deal without the prior, but, mm.
i dreamt about gavin and i think about a lot of people in ways that i don’t get to often talk about. its not like i talk to my therapist about this kind of thing. i havent mentioned the system to any since the last one i trusted treated it like DID, and thats fine for systems that need it, but we don’t work that way, and we never have.
alternatively i do think about myself ... and my past lives, often. i feel my limbs more often and it blends with the dysphoria; its strange to think i get so envious of just being spiritually Aware. ingesting mushrooms is the most helpful thing to me, and i know i mute my own sixth sense with doubt.
ive isolated myself from others quite a bit, as ive been mean again. im learning to appreciate the time i spend with dean and connor, even if it is every day. i miss connor every time i wake up without zem next to me, especially after weekends when i really get used to it.
our one year is coming up in july and ze thought aloud to me about marriage and we gently brushed over it. ze said something along the lines of “well, i wanted to wait for a better opportunity...” which, understandable.
one day ill be able to afford nice things like real rings and wedding ceremonies, but the last week of cleaning up my room, and throwing a lot of things out, made me realize what focusing on survival really means. i told myself that in 2021 i would focus on letting go, and its still hard. letting go of friends, and loved ones, and things, old stuff, its all the same, i have such an emotional attachment that it gets tangled in my head and my emotions. connors told me constantly to buy necessities and i brushed em off ... so im glad a friend helped us make up for it.
its embarrassing and its frustrating to rely on my money for things that others dont see as necessary. alcohol quells my twitching but i do have an addiction to it cuz i simply like to drink til i cant anymore, n im still learning that boundary. weed, i cant really explain what it does for me, cuz it is unusual. simple things like helping my appetite and sleep, two major things i struggle with a lot, as well as giving me inspiration to get up in the mornings, or do anything at all. right now it is medical in new mexico and i have a PTSD diagnosis, and when i smoke, it quiets the voices in my head screaming at me about wanting to die. i dont know how common this is, but its one of the things i struggle with financially. to survive. even with all of my antidepressants and anxiety medications, mental illness still lingers, and i think the more i delve into new media as well as reflect on past lives and old memories, my brain is in a very strange place. but ive come to appreciate that it is strange, i am strange, and i have mental illness, and i probably wont ever be able to silence it. i can take out my desire to cut my own skin open by watching dissection videos, and then im also learning and absorbing new information along the way.
when im not absolutely drunk on a tank of heavy alcohol, i can focus. i appreciate that i lost the years of 2018-2020 mostly due to how much i was drinking, on top of a medication that was already terrible for my memory. but the other day i went through my mood charts over those years, where i wrote down how i was, and although i drank daily and felt guilty about it, my mood was generally stable.
unfortunately its very expensive and unhealthy, and the inevitable withdrawals make me worse off than i started with. my therapist considers me drinking as playing with fire, but ive learned how to consume responsibly; dean and i can stop after a six pack and itll put us to sleep, but ill always want another beer, even in the back of my mind. That slight buzz from the mimosa that Connor drank and melted into was likely most of the reason ze could actually start dozing off, and we were half craving another for fun and relaxation, but i thought “i probably wont be able to sleep tonight without another drink”.
and i was right, and i acknowledge that its a problem. so ive tried to find that sensation from other things like hops tea and carbonated water (ew, its still not good, honestly dsjfsdj) or kombuchas, because it triggers the same response in my brain without.. melting my organs. did u kno ur liver is FUCKING HUGE n its also the only organ that can heal itself?? the cells reconstruct differently than scar tissue usually binds together n i just think thats Neat.meme
jokes aside, i think its also why my liver is Fine despite the fact ive drank since i was 13 years old, minus the year of rehab sobriety. That was also my Only year of sobriety. Digging into my alcoholism ive done a lot of questioning as to why i rely on it, and i think it is a lot to do with being addicted to being drunk, and i think its also a lot to do with ‘wow, i can finally turn my brain off! the thing thats yelling at me all the time, feeling scared and sad,” but drinking is also essentially a boost of stress hormones, so when the endorphins wear off, u get sad or anxious all over again. ive come to learn that i only withdrawal or get hangovers if i drink more than, i guess the recommended amount by doctors. 3 glasses of wine will now do me in, dean can power thru anything regardless of what hes drinking, but it does affect the health in ways i cant ignore.
i enjoy drugs, i think is the bottom line. i look up how to get a hold of psychedelic mushrooms cuz u can just get em in the mail if ur in a country where its decriminalized (hint: we’re not) n immediately the results are between getting help for addiction or how magic mushrooms help depression in low doses.
i really have a theme here. im still mad that my parents induced my reliance on all these substances and i know i would be a lot better off if i didnt drink til i was 21 or never smoked cigarettes, and i accept im always gonna crave these things regardless, but i only feel creative when i drink or smoke, and thats another problem with addicts because u fry ur neurons hard enough it all dies down. ive appreciated watching videos and playing games when i am in the comatose, apathetic stage of depression like i have been in recently, where i cant force myself to do anything and even fronting someone else to do it takes energy that quickly dies down.
my energy has died quickly since i went vegan, as my nails have chipped since, so im experimenting with my diet. my taste pallet cant handle dairy anymore, and connor was only here to try it, and i think we all discovered we just... dont wanna do that. but eating fish again helped my energy and brought a glow back to my skin. too much, however, still gives me the greasy meat sweats, so... a lil bit of everything seems to be whats right.
i still crash a lot, but i think thats just a side effect of being 28 in this generation and feeling 68 instead.
anyway, now that my room is FINALLY clean and looking nice, i want to try to do art again. i miss art. i miss thinking in images, i miss my imagination, i miss roleplaying and writing and drawing and arting. conny wanted to paint too but was absolutely too tired on sunday lol n i respect that so maybe tonight we can get something together.
but its been nice to feel something in my brain stirring again that isnt just the gross black buzz of mental illness constantly telling me to die. i get used to it, i guess. i forget its not supposed to happen because i have survived it for so long. im on the max dose of antidepressants and medicine i can take and i still feel really bad sometimes, but i didnt realize it until other people brought it up. stress definitely kicks me into my big bipolar mood swings, but i havent shaken off the depression in months. im not sure what to do so im trying to expand my horizons.
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tootyfrootycasbooty · 5 years ago
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Hey, do u have any experience with anti-ds, particularly sertraline? my doc wants to put me on them but I'm nervous
oooof oh boy yes, i have been off meds since the end of 2017 (fucking wild tbh who’ve thought) but i took a variety of anti-ds and antipsychotics for about 3 years. lots to say but dont be scared!
sertraline was the first i tried bc if ur over 18 it’s usually is the first one doctors offer, i didn’t react well to it & got worse, but i did as they asked and stuck out the first month bc that’s how long it takes for the medication to stabilise. the first two weeks of a new medication are usually very tough, you can feel worse mentally and there are bunch of physical side effects that aren’t fun, but with time these usually start to balance out. if they don’t, it’s time to try another med! everyone reacts differently to each anti-d and has very different experiences, & finding the med that works for you is trial + error, some people get lucky and some people have a more lengthy process. 
for ages i was on about 5 dif medications a day, fried up to my eyeballs and not getting better with all these horrible side effects, until i switched to prozac/fluoxetine and i just...idk...it didn’t fix me but my ability to cope w life got noticeably better, it didn’t give me any crazy side effects like my previous med venlafaxine did. it’s hard to look back on it bc even with fluoxetine, everything was shit until it just wasn’t?? for me, a big part was a change in situation in combo w the meds, i was never going to get better from meds alone but moving back out of my mum’s house in combo with a good medication was essential, and i had tried a few different therapists and finally found the right one after i moved. 
so don’t be discouraged by things not changing or improving straight away, esp if your mental health issues are v severe...these things take time which is probably not what u wanna hear but im just trying to be real w u....the road to recovery is hard work and medication can kind of just feel like shooting ur shot blindly into the dark hoping something will stick. it’s ok to be nervous, u dont have to do anything ur not ready for, or that u feel hasn’t been explained adequately to you. the difference between me n my mother is that i neurotically google every single medication i’ve ever been prescribed & try to find out everything abt them, even the ones i didn’t take, & it was almost a symptom of my depression that i would spend hours trawling online forums abt antidepressants and ppl’s experiences. it’s not always the best thing bc a list of possible but rare bad side effects can be scary, but i felt well informed and it helped, whereas my mum just gets prescribed medication and hardly ever knows what she’s taking, doesnt know what type of drug it is or how it’s supposed to work or what it interacts with....dont be like that.....it can be dangerous and i find it helps to feel like i have an iota of control, or at least, my trust in the dr becomes more informed.
ok sertraline side effects! it says all this in the box and online but! sertraline, like all SSRIs, can make you feel numb or flat, you may lose your appetite esp in the first week i remember feeling nauseous a lot, my alcohol tolerance turned to dust lmao i would advise not drinking the first two weeks or month if you can, bc i remember having one can of cider soon after i start sertraline and i was hammered. ur allowed to drink on anti-ds but u know just, know your limits and use moderation. the first week or two i was grinding my teeth quite a bit, very dry mouth, and slept a looooot. in general my biggest qualm with anti-ds was that they made me oversleep so much, but this doesn’t happen to everyone & varies between meds. i could Not have an orgasm on sertaline, if that matters to you, i dont rmbr if my entire sex drive was gone, but i remember wanking for like an hour and half and getting nowhere. but! i havent had the same issues on all meds so this is person dependant, and there are add-on meds you can ask about if this is a deal breaker for you! i wont sugar coat it ok the side effects are gnarly but they do improve with time and if they dont and are unbearable, you are always within your rights to switch medication and try something else, you are meant to be getting better not punishing yourself, so just be open and honest w your doc. i hope i never have to be on meds again, but i also know i would never be in the place i am now without having been on them. im not perfect, i still have a lot of troubles and low points and being on meds was hard, but they kept me alive, even when they numbed me and i hated it, they kept me from making rash, life ending decisions. i am a semi stable, mostly functional person these days, esp pre-quarantine lol, and i wouldn’t have been able to get there without powering thru anti-ds!
good luck im sorry this was long and i hope i didnt scare u, i just know i wish doctors would have been more honest w me and i was very alone when i started meds. i hope things improve for you and ur welcome to msg me any time xxx
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clearsandwicheagle-blog · 6 years ago
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Insurance Underwriting: Anybody know of any companies that would underwrite and brand a home insurance policy?
"Insurance Underwriting: Anybody know of any companies that would underwrite and brand a home insurance policy?
I am with a home improvement magazine which specializes in advertisements and we are interested in finding an underwriter that would be willing to brand a product  a home insurance policy. The underwriter will handle all daily operations regarding the insurance in itself, and in turn, we would divert all applicable traffic to you via our publications. Our magazine has an extremely large following, and is trusted and well respected.  I am interested in names and phone numbers from probable companies which may be able to assist us. Please, valid answers only. Thanks!
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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Insurance Underwriting: Anybody know of any companies that would underwrite and brand a home insurance policy?
I am with a home improvement magazine which specializes in advertisements and we are interested in finding an underwriter that would be willing to brand a product  a home insurance policy. The underwriter will handle all daily operations regarding the insurance in itself, and in turn, we would divert all applicable traffic to you via our publications. Our magazine has an extremely large following, and is trusted and well respected.  I am interested in names and phone numbers from probable companies which may be able to assist us. Please, valid answers only. Thanks!
Car insurance do i have to tell them ??
am trying to fill in a form for a quote, i was involed in a crash which wasnt my fault, the other person admitted responsability, do i have to declare this as a claim ?? or do i not mention this, am trying to get a quote for this years car insurance Thanks""
Car insurance.......?
hey guys, i was just wondering how much car insurance would be for me. i am 20 years old and just recently starting driving and when i say recently i mean like today haha!. but anyones i DO know that to get a real SET price i would have to call and get a quote but i was hoping to here from some of yall about how much YOU pay each month, how old you are and what kind of car you drive, just to get an ideal of how much its going to be for me ya know? thanks for the help""
Why does car insurance go down after you've had a license for over a year ?
OK it seems really strange to me that after having a license for over a year and not driving at all that insurance prices drop down ? It would make more sense for insurance to be cheaper the day you pass your test as you are well practised at driving after not driving for a year or 2 years or more your driving skill will have dropped significantly and yet insurance companies think you will be a safer driver ???
Start up restaurant in chicago need insurance.?
I'm looking for affordable insurance that want break the bank.
Car Insurance?
My daughter is going to be 17 soon and is looking to buy a small car, ie corsa. Does anyone know the cheapest place to get car insurance for young drivers. She would prefer to have the insurance in her own name to build up no claims discount.""
Car Insurance?
I got a ticket 15 monthes ago and didn't told my parents, but they aren't that hard on me but the car insurance is going up now why is that.""
Why do most people try to scare young drivers with large insurance costs?
I am a responsible teen. Why do some people try to tell me I'm not? I hate generalization.
Health insurance eligibility event?
how would employer or insurance company be able to verify wheather your spouse had switched jobs or lost coverage? to make it be considered an event...I NEED HELP
Why do NEW drivers complain about how much it costs to insure there cars.?
Numbers DO NOT tell lies! my Sister works at a car insurance brokers and she told me The number of new drivers who are involved in accidents is UNREAL You CANT actually drive a car correctly when you have just passed your test (I know you think you can but you cant) So therefore you are a liability to other road users and therefore have to pay more to insure your car.
Car insurance for 20 year old female?
I've been told a Ford KA is the cheapest to insure. So I've found a Ford KA Year 2000 1,3 ltr. Sale price is 660. 80,000 miles. I will be doing roughly 4 - 5,000 miles a year. I'm just a simple standard first time driver applicant... No convictions, health issues or NCB. Why are insurance companies quoting me over 5,000 a year online??? I'm 20, female and have just passed my test. 21 in august. What's the cheapest way to get insured?? 1ltr car??""
I'm planning on getting affordable coverage for my dog. what would be best recommended?
okay well the question explains most of it. I'm currently doing some research on what company has the most afforable coverage for my dog. But there is so many to chose from: ...show more
What is the best life insurance for seniors?
age 53, will retire in 2010 - federal employee""
Is it better to get auto insurance quotes through insurance.com or directly through the provider?
Is it better to get auto insurance quotes through insurance.com or directly through the provider?
Dental Insurances in California...?
I live in California. What is the difference between HMO vs PPO? Meaning there cost and coverage. I know that HMO has a very small selection of Dentists and PPO means you can pick from a larger selection, but I am asking about costy and coverage. I am in need of either Dentures, Bridge work, and eventually Dental Implants badly. 2 emergency dentists that I have seen have mentioned something about... if I have a PPO then they will cover everything, but when I ask them to explain, they tell me to look it up because they don't have time to explain it to me. I have tried to look it up, but I can't seem to figure out what they are talking about. What did the dentist mean by... they will cover everything? As in I will not have to pay anything out of pocket? One dentist even said that if I have a PPO then he can do the work while I wait for the insurance to start, pay him directly, then he will give me back my money when the insurance pays him. But what does that mean? All the PPO and HMO plans I see say that I would still have to pay 50% of the cost. I am unemployed so money is a huge problem, but with my current problems with my teeth, I can not go on interviews. What is the best Dental Insurance in California I can get to cover the most of the expenses of the work I need done??? Free clinics have a 1-2 year waiting list and won't handle problems like mine. Please help!!!""
I am leaving country for couple of months. I want to cancel my car insurance. Is it possible?
I am paying my insurance monthly and it's very high. I won't be using car for couple of months, so I want to cancel it for some months and take it again after I come back. Is it possible?""
Do red light camera tickets increase your insurance rates?
Do they go on your driving record and increase your insurance rates or do you just have to pay the fine and that's all there is to it? I live in Washington State.
""Maximums for lawsuits in California have been capped at $250,000 for many years, and insurance costs haven't?
...gone down one bit. Lawsuits are only 5% of insurance companies costs - it's been proven many times including during the 2004 Presidential debates. Why is this the only suggestion they ever have?
Do insurance companies insure a boat for its value or insure it for what you paid for it?
Do insurance companies insure a boat for its value or insure it for what you paid for it?
Which insurance company is cheapest for young drivers?
MY MOTHER HAS 4 YEARS NO CLAIM BONUS AND I JUST GOT MY LICIENCE AND LOOKING TO GET INSURED ON A CLIO 1.2 OR CORSA1.2 WHICH INSURANCE COMPANY IS THE CHEAPEST?? THANKYOU!
Estimated car insurance premium for a Camaro/Corvette?
I am looking to buy either a 2002 Camaro (5.7L V8) or a 2000 - 2002 Corvette (5.7L V8). I am wondering how much insurance will cost me. The detailed information and questions are as below: 1. Age: 34 2. Have been driving in the States for little less than 4 years. No accident at all. Only one speeding ticket about 3 years ago. (I had been driving for 10 years in Seoul, Korea with no accident at all, but it didn't count) 3. I used to drive a 2007 Toyota Tundra (5.7L V8), which I sold a few days ago. I paid about 450 dollars/6 months for full coverage. Questions: 1. How much would it cost me if I buy either one mentioned above? (even ballpark number would be appreciated) 2. Do year and purchasing price (or resale value) affect premium? For example, buying a 2008 brand new Corvette or a 2000 used Corvette makes a difference? 3. I know it would be higher to have a sports car, but do my age and driving record affect premium? If yes, how much do they affect?""
Car insurance for people who commute by train. Who does this?
I saw an ad on the underground advertising cheaper car insurance for people who commute by train mon-fri. Does anyone know who does this? Thanks
Why do i have to have my car inspected by my insurance company?
I just changed insurance companies and the new one wants to inspect the car which I never had to do before. How come?
What's the point of car insurance?
I pay insurance for my car. Shouldn't car insurance cover anything needing fixed on your car? What is the point of paying for insurance, when the insurance doesn't even cover repairs? I pay for supposed FULL COVERAGE , shouldn't this cover everything, ITS A BIG F-ING SCAM!!!""
Can I register my car without insurance in Utah?
my registeration on my car lapsed in april, I do not drive the car but in Utah you can not even park it out on the street without it being registered. so I was wondering since some of my neighbors are wanting my parking spot since they are moving in can I just register my car since I have enough money to get it registered but I do not want to pay the monthly insurance on it since I am not driving it I am just holding on to it until my daughter turns of age to take it.... thanks.....""
Teen insurance for a car!!!!!! 10pts?
Ok. For Christmas.. I'm getting a 2007 Toyota Camry. I Live in Florida, I was wondering what's the cheapest insurance I could get ? I don't want to pay for expensive insurance.. I will need full coverage I'm guessing? I'm 16. If I just add my car too my grandmothers insurance will that be cheaper ?? Thanks ????""
Insurance Underwriting: Anybody know of any companies that would underwrite and brand a home insurance policy?
I am with a home improvement magazine which specializes in advertisements and we are interested in finding an underwriter that would be willing to brand a product  a home insurance policy. The underwriter will handle all daily operations regarding the insurance in itself, and in turn, we would divert all applicable traffic to you via our publications. Our magazine has an extremely large following, and is trusted and well respected.  I am interested in names and phone numbers from probable companies which may be able to assist us. Please, valid answers only. Thanks!
How much is car insurance for a 17 year old on parents insurance?
I don't want any witty Too expensive, thats how much it is answers. I will be 17 this July, and my dad is going to insure me on his insurance, he has had his license for 55+ years and the car will probably be a Ford Fiesta. We just need rough estimates. Thanks, George.""
Should my 85 year old grandparents but life insurance?
I am very upset with this insurance company who sold my 85 year old grandfather some life insurance. He gets $5000 worth for $91 per month! what a rip-off! They REALLY want to buy some insurance . does anyone know the best option for them? Please help!
Uninspected car covered by insurance in MA?
I've been driving my car uninspected for a while now because I haven't had the money (or the time to fix it on my own) and I know it will fail inspection. Does anybody know if my car would be covered by insurance anyways. (I have USAA)
Does My job Have to Give me health insurance? New York?
I am employed in new york. My job offers health insurance to some higher up employees, but not to full time hourly employees. I heard from someone that the law was that if a business offers health insurance to an employee, they have to offer it to all. is this right?""
How do i switch my auto insurance policy before my term is up?
I currently have Direct Auto insurance, but i would like to switch companies to get a cheaper rate. i never had to cancel my insurance before the term is up, and my term isnt up till november 2010. my question is, how do i do that (if i can), and will i be charged for it?""
Whats the best motorcycle insurance in ottawa for an 18 year old?
Whats the best motorcycle insurance in ottawa for an 18 year old?
Car Insurance for a friend?
I have a friend (single mom of 2) and she needs to get cheap car insurance on her ford explore. She let it lapse for 6 months and now her loan company wants to repo her car, even though she has made every car payment. (she leases her car)...(kinda like rent to own) She got a quote from my agent, but it was going to be way too much for her. I am guessing since she still owes on the car she has to have full coverage. And can only afford less than $100.00 a month on it. She is a renter, she is going to school, and has bad credit. Are there any companies out there that she can get a good deal or at least get coverage for 6 months and re-apply with a better company?? The only one I have found out there was the general.com. And they seem to be ok...but I don't know what other options she has. Thanks for reading this!! 10 points to the best answer!!""
16 year old insurance for a moped UK?
Hey, i'm thinking of buying a moped but before i buy one, i need to make sure that the insurance won't be too expensive otherwise i won't be able to afford it. I will basically be using the moped to get to college and back home. Any ideas as to how much insurance will cost on average? I am currently 16 years of age and will be turning 17 in December 2013. I live out of london if that helps. Thanks in advance :)""
The minimum amount your auto insurance must cover per accident is:?
In California is? A. $15,000; 30,000; 5,000 B. $10,000; $25,000; $5,000 C. $20,000; $25,000; $15,000 D. $5,000; $15,000; $10,000 Thanks!""
Is insure.com legit?
I was wondering if the site insure.com is legit and If they have good rates
How to get cheaper car insurance?
I'm 18 and want to get insured. How much would it be? I've been passed since July? What if I get my dad the registered keeper and me second driver? My mate she's 18 and she's got insurance. Come on, there must be a way!""
Which is better hmo or ppo insurance?
Which is better hmo or ppo insurance?
How much does credit affect the amount paid for car insurance?
How much does credit affect the amount paid for car insurance?
Cost of 350z insurance for 18 year old.?
Hi, I was playing around with insurance quotes form Geico and in order to insure a 270hp sportscar costs as much as a regular family sedan? It gave me a quote for 158$ per month which seems low. IS this actualy the price of insurance for a car like this?""
How does having a salvaged title affect insurance?
Does it cost more? My dad told me that you're unable to get full coverage with a salvaged title.
Which auto insurence is the cheaper?
i whan insurance may car but which one is cheaper
THE ULTIMATE CHEAPEST INSURANCE?
What insurance company is THE cheapest? but has great coverage or provides the same services as other insurance?
Insurance for modified first car?
I've bought my first car, it is lowered but has no performance enhancing mods..I'm on a learner permit with no previous insurance. Will I be able to ge insured??? Im half afraid to tell them when looking for a quote in case they all blank refuse me. I would rather tell them though. I wouldnt mind paying a bit extra as long as its not a huge amount. Does anyone have experience with this? Did you just get refused, or did it just go up...and if it did, by how much did it go up? Thanks.""
What is the cheapest insurance group?
I'm 17, girl, doing my driving lessons and am planning to get a car soon. Not bothered which car, i just want a cheap, affordable one. I've been hearing about insurance groups recently which is confusing me because no one around me can adequately explain it. So, i just would like to know what the cheeapest insurance group is and if you could also please explain a little more on insurance groups so that i'm a bit more informed.. thank you""
Sporty cars with low insurance group?
Hi, ive just turned 15 and im planning on getting a job if i can in January, my aim is to save up to buy a car, my dream car is a subaru impreza wrx sti, but although the used cars are resonably cheap and after a while i can afford it, the insurance is incredibly high!, so im looking for a good looking, resonably fast good looking car that can hold 4 people or 5, this is obviously a tricky task but if you could help id appriciate it!, I was also looking at the 350z but althogh insurance is cheaper its only 2 seats, and as i turn 17 at the start of sixth form, i will be 1 of the first to hopefully get a car, meaning, transporting friends to town at lunch is a key thing :D, Thanks alot Mike PS:, please let it be sporty, i dont want to moddify anything, maybe a nice spoiler and scurts, thank you!!!! :)""
I live in NC and I cant afford my car insurance; I'm on disability and I can't drive.?
Can someone else get insurance and use my car and take me to appts.?
How much is car insurance for a range rover sport 2010?
I have a friend how is looking to get a 2st hand range rover sport 2010 but Is worried about the insurance. What is the range of car insurance prices for the basic driver
Financing a new car and with no insurance?
could I finance a new car then have it sit in my drive way with no plates or registration to avoid paying for insurance ontill I pay the car off
Can I buy an expensive sports car and insurance under my moms name?
I want to purchase a brand new Nissan GTR from the dealership (I have the money ready) and want to buy get full coverage car insurance for it too. However, Since I am male (I'm 28 years old) the car insurace is way too expensive. If I were to have my mom come purchase the car for me as her being the primary legal owner with me being the co signer (I am paying for it with my own money upfront) and have her be the primary legal full coverage driver on that car in the insurance policy with me being able to drive it too with full coverage will this work in order to get a drastically lower monthly insurance payment? It's perfectly fine with my mom being the legal owner as long as my mouth is shut to the insurance company. I also don't mind paying for the both of us on this car as long as my insurance payment is lower. What do you think? Isn't it a brilliant idea?""
How can i get cheap insurance?
I'am going to be 17 soon and i going to buy a car so i was wondering what car should i buy or what shoul i do to get cheap insurance, because at the moment it's cost about 3.500 and that just too expensive... help please""
Insurance Underwriting: Anybody know of any companies that would underwrite and brand a home insurance policy?
I am with a home improvement magazine which specializes in advertisements and we are interested in finding an underwriter that would be willing to brand a product  a home insurance policy. The underwriter will handle all daily operations regarding the insurance in itself, and in turn, we would divert all applicable traffic to you via our publications. Our magazine has an extremely large following, and is trusted and well respected.  I am interested in names and phone numbers from probable companies which may be able to assist us. Please, valid answers only. Thanks!
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/air-canada-travel-insurance-quote-mary-peacock/"
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kawaiifunhologram-blog · 6 years ago
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Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
"Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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I have copd and no insurance.?
I cough almost constantly and always coughing up mucus. Some times its yellow or green, but mostly bubbly clear and has (looks like very small pieces of lung in it.) I'm scared that I am slowly dying. I'm tired all the time. Most of the time all I want to do is lay. My appitite is very poor, I seldom get hungry. I have lost weight and now only weigh 90 pounds. A little over a year ago I weighed 135. Insurance company's turn me down because of preexisting, copd, RH, Hodgekins, I don't know what to do. I can't afford $800 month insurance. I get friends to get prescriptions for albuterol and combivent. I started taking pills (hydrocodone) as they help me so I can breathe normal so I can work. I can get insurance through my new job in 90 days.""
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How much commission can I make selling car and homeowners insurance?
How much commission can I make selling car and homeowners insurance?
How long do I have once I cancel my auto insurance in Florida?
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Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
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Auto insurance?
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Allstate Teen Car Insurance?
Does anyone know the title and who sings the song on the Allstate Teen Car Insurance commercial where they drive away and never come back? I swear I've heard parts of it on something else and its driving me insane.
""Car insurance with 6 point,?""
cheapest car insurance with 6 points, please help. any car insurance which check record of last 3 or 4 year and NOT 5 years.""
Which car models have good insurance rates?
I'm asking this question for a friend and she's curious to know some car models with good insurance rates. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated :)
""What is the best way in get more horse power from my 3.8L firebird, while still leaving it naturally aspirated?""
I want to squeeze everything possible from this car while still having affordable insurance, and without swapping engines due to the high dollar figure and headaches that come with. I already have a good air intake system, the car is kept in perfect condition, fresh tune up, performance plugs and wires, 3 exhaust. Any other ideas for me?""
What is title insurance?
I will like to know more about the title insurance and how is it that important when we buy a propety. Can you please help me with the information. Thanks
Health Care Insurance (CA)?
So 2014 coming around I know we need health insurance or else we have to pay a fee. My question is not sure what insurance to pick (specifically anything dental,vision, regular doctor ...show more""
Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
""Anyone know of an affordable individual health/dental insurance plan for Brooklyn, NY?""
I no longer have school insurance and my work does not offer insurance. I am looking for an affordable health/dental insurance plan in Brooklyn, New York. Is dental included in medical insurance or is that separate? I don't want to spend $600-$1000 on a premium for an HMO, but would rather spend a few hundred a month while getting a decent amount of benefits. Also, does anyone know of a comparison chart online regarding details of insurance providers including premiums and benefits. All I can find are complaint comparison charts for insurance providers. Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!""
Steps to getting your life insurance license in CA?
I have no previous experience with Life Insurance and am considering getting my life insurance license. What are the steps involved, how long does it take, how much does it cost, and how difficult is the test? Anyone help?""
Ford Focus Insurance for a just passed Driver?
How much would insurance cost roughly for a 25yo female who's just past her test?? I haven't yet passed but when i do I want to get a Ford Focus and was wondering how much roughly insurace would cost!
Lost health insurance and am 37 weeks pregnant?
I just found out I was dropped from my previous health insurance plan from COBRA because I was late making a payment. I thought I was ahead a month so didn't pay in March and found out I wasn't ahead. I tried explaining this to the health insurance company but they said it was too late to do anything about it. I've called multiple health insurance companies to see if they'd cover me but of course being 3 weeks from my due date no one will take me. I also tried to contact my hospital that I will be giving birth at to see if I could go through a financial assistance program but my husband and I make to much. Same issue with Medicaid. I live in IN, is there anything/any health insurance company that someone can suggest??? Thanks!""
Trouble with my car insurance....?
I have decided to buy a Golf GTi and today looked into how much it would be to insure. I went on the compare the market and go compare and to my surprise the prices were arounf 5000-8000 and some of the bigger companies wouldn't even insure me. I'm 20 years old But i did get a quote for 2300 fully comp from PREMIUM CHOICE (which i've never heard of). SO what i'm asking is...is it really a big deal who you're insured with? and what are the disadvantage of getting insured with little known companies? My dad seems to think that these smaller companies aren't to be trusted and if you were involved in an accident they wouldn't be interested or they could go bust in 2 months and take your money. Have you got any tips on how to get around this insurance chaos? It's such a rip off.
Supplemental health insurance provider?
Does anybody have supplemental health insurance? Do you know of a good provider? I have never heard of it, my Mom was telling me about it. I looked and I found some places that said quotes for supplemental health insurance. but when I filled out the info it seemed like it gave me a quote for regular health insurance plan not supplemental health insurance. My health insurance I have through work has a high deductible so i am always paying out of pocket for I have not met my deductible.""
""Can I drive without insurance, if the car itself is insured?""
It's my dad's car. The car is insured but i am not, as in. I use to be on the same policy as my dad, but now i am off of it due to money problems. But the car I drive is insured under my dad. Is it legal to drive it? (CA)""
Where can I find cheap auto insurance?
I will be looking soon for auto insurance for my first car. I have bad credit, no driving record(I am just about to get my license within the next couple months), and am 26. Where can I find an insurance company with an affordable premium?""
Should I do something to this company insurance?
Some how Bank of America took my personal information and gave to this company insurance that covers medical thing. They have my personal Banking information. I canceled the insurance policy on August 15 and they took out 29.99 out of my bank and I now have 60.98 in my checking account. Should I do something about?
Will my car insurance rates increase? Please help?
I have a lease with the full mandated insurance in FL and I have Geico. There is construction on my building and while my car was parked in it's space apparently a rock or some piece of concrete from my building must have hit my moonroof and shattered it completely. I must have this fixed ASAP and am still working out who between my condo association and the construction company are going to pay for this. In the meantime I need to know if I call Geico about this incident will I be in jeopardy of having my rates increased? The car was parked in it's space, I was not driving, and it was not my fault. Thank you for answering.""
Pennsylvania law auto insurance question?
Someone hit my car when it was parked in front of my house, the car is totally wrecked. I know who's car it was but the owner denies being behind the wheel, claiming it was stolen. The thing is I currently don't have car insurance. Will the other person's insurance pay for my damages?????""
'occasional driver' Car insurance?
Hi, I'm 18 and I'll be heading off to college in the fall and so won't be home very often. However when I am home I'd like to be insured on my dads car. I don't see the point in having to pay the same price for car insurance as someone who drives almost daily, so I wanted to know if there was a type of car insurance for the 'occasional' driver. I'll only be home on vacations, and even then I won't be driving all the time, but I really need a car insurance for when I do drive, mostly summers.""
Is it possible for me to obtain my own insurance?
I had insurance under my mother in law, she has had an accident and the car has been writen off. She wants to cancel the insurance. My question is , is it OK for me to purchase a car and get insurance in my own name or do I have to wait until the renewal date.""
""What are the monthly/weekly costs of running a car? (insurance, registration, petrol)?""
im looking at buying a car, im 17 i have had my licence for about 3 months and i want to know how much i should be expecting to pay for insurance, registration, petrol etc, for a 4 cylinder proberly auto and ranging from 1990 to 2000 year. thanks :)""
Ever felt like a criminal for trying to insure your car?
hi there i am a young male driver 20yrs old i am trying to insure my first car which is a suzuki wagon r+ ga and i fell as if i am a pure criminal i have tried many insurers online on the phone and in person i cant find a quote for under 1300 i woundnt mind so much but the car only cost me 200 and they wounder why people drive without insurance well at these prices i am personaly tempted can anyone tell me where i can find a cheaper qoute have tried hundereds prices have ranged from 1295-3645 (well saying this country is constanly ripping us off all the time is about time the goverment was standing in and helping out us motorist a bit they want to reduce the amont of cars without insurance they need to reduce the cost whats your fellings)
Good cheap car insureance?
need help wiht insurance for my car my car is a little ford fiesta 1.3 cheap 2 insure i no but i have 6 points :( so im gettign qoutes of artound 4000pound to insure my fiesta and im jsut wodneriing there must insuracne companys out there hu specialize in this field if no any can u let me me cheeers
Classic car insurance for 18 year olds?
I was wondering whether it is possible to be put on a classic car insurance policy at 18. I've looked around and nearly all say you have to be over 25. I would like to somehow be insured on an Escort XR3i or RS turbo. I understand that because of may age this isn't going to be very easy. would it be cheaper to be a named driver if my dad owned the car ?
Does she have to pay the no insurance ticket?
My daughter just completed her drivers ed class so I let her drive to school. she was stopped and ticketed for no license and no insurance my car is covered and current. Q does she have to pay the no insurance ticket
""Who has the most lenient car insurance? Husband has points on his license from speeding, need cheap coverage.?""
Who has the most lenient car insurance? Husband has points on his license from speeding, need cheap coverage.?""
What are insurance rate for a motorcycle driver?
What are insurance rate for a motorcycle driver?
""When getting car insurance in Georgia, should I lie about dui's or be honest?""
I have 2 dui's from Georgia within 10 years. I just reinstated my license and need liablity coverage. Should I lie about my driving record just to get insurance, or be upfront right away? Do insurance companies check your driving record right away?""
Is there affordable health insurance for pregnant teen girls?
i need any kind of reliable resources. please help.
How much would the treatment cost for stage 3 non-hodgkin's lymphoma if you didn't have insurance?
My friend put a friend of hers who was just diagnosed with stage 3 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in touch with me today, but I really don't know how to help her. She's 21, fresh out of college but unemployed, and does not have insurance. I don't know why she wasn't still on her parents' plan, or how student healthcare insurance works. She's terrified not just about the diagnosis itself but the cost. She was already financially strapped and trying to figure out how to pay for housing after college. I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma at 16-17, but my parents have insurance, and they are the ones who handled the bills. I never paid for anything myself so I really don't know about the cost involved. I saw one bill for my radiation and was literally shocked-still by the amount. It was like $1500 for each treatment I think, and I was getting them Monday-Friday then. Chemo was much more, but I never saw a bill for it so I really don't know the price. I did see a bill for one night I spent in the emergency room when I had this awful infection and a terrible fever, and without insurance that one night would have been over $7000! With insurance I think it was like $2400. All of my treatments and doctor's offices are in posh medical facilities in affluent parts of Los Angeles like Beverly Hills and Westwood / Bel Air, so perhaps that's why my medical care was so much. I honestly don't know. I wish I knew how to support or advise this girl. She's too old to attend the support group I went to, and I don't really know that much about NH-L because it's quite different than HL. I was fortunate to never have to be concerned about the finances, and I don't even know what the total amounted to since my parents won't tell me. They said, that it's not my concern. It was all medical care for me, so you'd think it would be my concern, but whatever. Will her oncologist's office help her to find financial support? How does that even work? What do they do if you can't pay? It would suck if she had to file bankruptcy this early in her life. Won't that keep her from getting a job, a loan for a house, and everything else? She went to USC. Can recent alumni be treated at their hospital for a reduced price? I was treated at UCLA, and I think at UCLA students can get medical care at a reduced cost. At my school I think we can as well. I don't know. You just show your student card. All bills are sent to your parents, so I don't know how it works. What should I tell her? She wants my help. All I really know to do is to send her the links I have on my profile. I can give her emotional support, but am clueless about financial support. What's the total cost of this going to most likely be for her?""
Short vs. long term individual health insurance?
whats the better choice and why
I need to find and inexpensive health insurance can anyone help?
My husband has a rare blood disorder and is on Medicare through Social security and we don't have alot of money but because of his illness it cost alot for suppliment insurance. Does anyone know how we can get some extra insurance that won't kill us we already lost our home because we spent so much on insurance and most places won't even cover this. Please only serious reply.
Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
HEALTH INSURANCE FOR INFERITILITY?
I live in Georgia and I am trying to find some private insurance that would cover fertility testing and not treatment such as ivf OR IUI . Me and my fiance have been trying to have a baby for 3 years and i have tried everything, i finally have saved up enough money to be able to pay for private insurance can someone please tell me some health insurance company that may cover fertility testing.""
What would be the cheapest way to get a car insurance?
What would be the cheapest way to get a car insurance?
Can you get insurance if your spouse doesn't have a license?
Can you get insurance if your spouse doesn't have a license in the state of Texas? My husband has been trying to get quotes for insurance but keeps being told I, his wife, need to have a license. At the time that I was living in Florida, you did not need a vehicle license to drive a vespa (moped, scooter, etc.), just a permit. After moving here to Texas and getting married, the DMV denied me a license even though it had been a year of having both a drivers permit and permit to drive my moped, saying I needed to take the Texas Adult Drivers Course, then pass the driving test to receive my Drivers License. Upon finishing the Adult Drivers Course I went into preterm labor and put on bed rest for two months, which is why i haven't done the driving test yet. Is there any way my husband can get his vehicle insured? (if you could please support with websites that would be greatly appreciated)""
Dental Insurances in California...?
I live in California. What is the difference between HMO vs PPO? Meaning there cost and coverage. I know that HMO has a very small selection of Dentists and PPO means you can pick from a larger selection, but I am asking about costy and coverage. I am in need of either Dentures, Bridge work, and eventually Dental Implants badly. 2 emergency dentists that I have seen have mentioned something about... if I have a PPO then they will cover everything, but when I ask them to explain, they tell me to look it up because they don't have time to explain it to me. I have tried to look it up, but I can't seem to figure out what they are talking about. What did the dentist mean by... they will cover everything? As in I will not have to pay anything out of pocket? One dentist even said that if I have a PPO then he can do the work while I wait for the insurance to start, pay him directly, then he will give me back my money when the insurance pays him. But what does that mean? All the PPO and HMO plans I see say that I would still have to pay 50% of the cost. I am unemployed so money is a huge problem, but with my current problems with my teeth, I can not go on interviews. What is the best Dental Insurance in California I can get to cover the most of the expenses of the work I need done??? Free clinics have a 1-2 year waiting list and won't handle problems like mine. Please help!!!""
How much should i pay for old car insurance?
how much the cheapest insurance for old car? i have a used honda.
Can I drive another car with my Geico insurance?
I just purchased my first insurance policy. My sister has Geico insurance and she can drive any car and anybody can drive her car. I'm wondering if I have the same privileges, or do I have to pay for them. My policy is about as basic as is legal in California so here's to hoping.""
When do you have to buy car insurance?
When do you have to buy car insurance? I've just bought my first car privately and expect to drive it home next Tuesday. However, I'm confused about the insurance. When should my insurance policy start? Does it have to be next Tuesday, too?""
Whats your average price car insurance group 12 and Road Tax?
im planning on getting a car lexus is200 in a few months time and wanted to know how much you guys/girls pay monthly or yearly only on insurance group 12 and on road tax. Im 19, passed a month ago. planning on putting the car in my dads name and me as the driver. Dads a good driver had no past accidents (not sure if you need to know that). Thnxs""
Cheap car insurance/ first car whats been ur best quote?
hi im all most finished my driving lessons and wondering about the insurance ect i dont wanna spend hours on compere or that putting in details , but wondering if there r any first time drivers out there and give me there thoughts on how i would get a cheap car and cheap insurance""
""First car, low insurance group, modifications, help?""
Just asking for a few suggestions for a first car, second/third hand not too expensive 2000-3000 max, however i would like to add modifications to it such as alloys and lowered suspension. Have you any ideas for what car would be cheapest and if possible what UK driving insurance company? Thanks :)""
Insurance companies that insure cars in the car pound?
Does anyone know of any car insurance companies that insure cars in the car pound? The cheaper the better.
""Buying a car, when to purchase insurance?
If i decided to go to a used car dealer and buy a car when do i buy insurance? Can i drive it home then buy insurance or do i need to get the insurance before i drive it off the lot?
Can you get car insurance without a license?
I want to buy a car without a drivers license. Can I get insurance for the car if I use another name of a person with a license?
For a 17 year old - how much does a car cost to run each month?
when i pass my test, i don't know whether to a actually buy a car. i'm 17 and if i bought a car, how much would it roughly cost to run including the insurance, maintenance, mot, and everything except for the petrol/diesel. the only problem is, i don't think i actually need the car as i'm at college with a bus pass, but in the summer i want to drive lots of places with friends like go camping etc with a car. i was interesested in renting one as it seems ideal for my wants, but you need to be like 22 to rent. is this true? to anyone who is driving at 17 in the uk - is it worth it or is it too expensive?""
Car insurance for 17 year olds in the UK?
How could i get a cheap car insurance and what would be the cheapest price? every site i have been on it said about 3000 and that would be more then what the actual car costs.
What are the best health insurance plans in Massachusetts?
...for individuals available through the Mass Health Connector?
How do I get Car insurance before i get my Drivers License?
I'm under 18 and im getting ready to get my provisional drivers License. They said i need proof of insurance to get my license. But how do i get insurance if i dont have a car? I know people usually are supposed to be added to their parents insurance policy to take care of this, but my parents dont have drive or have insurance........ What do i do? Ive heard that i should get an uncle or grandparent to add me to their policy, but is that true? Help me out... thanks""
How much does an apartment insurance in New York cost?
What would it roughly cost to have a half million dollar apartment insuranced in New York, a month?""
Motorcycle insurance?
Anyone have any idea on the cost on motorcylce insurance.. I'm 26 clean record..Thinking about getting a new yamaha cruiser 600-700cc
Where can I find a comparative listing for auto insurance rates?
Where can I find a comparative listing for auto insurance rates?
Cheap Motor insurance HELP PLEASE!?
I am 19yrs old and i need a renewel for my car insurance, any suggestions? i have tried... money supermarket confused aa any more? thanks""
Help. I've missed two car insurance installments by accident and now they want me to pay the rest in full.?
I've stupidly missed two payments. Not on purpose. I'm pregnant and at college with exams and I'm due in March so my mind is trying to focus on revising, focus on saving money to buy baby things with (which we still need to buy most stuff). and focusing on bills etc. Anyway. How can I still be insured but avoid having to pay them the rest of the due fees for my contract term? An idea I had was to cancel it, and then start new insurance with another company? I would have to pay a new deposit and to cancel the old insurance I would have to pay some money as well. Any other ideas?""
Where can i get cheap auto insurance for an 18 year old student with a mustang?
Well this may sound like a long shot, but I just recently bought my son a Ford Mustang, Now its insurance time, hes 18, gets A's in school and has had drivers ed. Why do the quotes from Progressive and esurance estimate its going to cost nearly $500 a month, even with a 1990 honda junker it still cost nearly $400 do these prices seem reasonable, i cant recall them being that high, when i first got insurance, thanks.""
Teenage driver + car insurance?
I am 16 and have had my license for two months now. I drive occasionally, like when my parents need me to, and sometimes with my friends to the lake. My mother recently informed me that i have no car insurance; she never listed me or anything like that and i didn't know it was a problem or anything. My friend and I have planned a day trip to the beach soon, and my question is: what would be the consequences if i were caught driving my parents car without being personally insured? My mother has an insurance policy on her car, but I dont believe im listed or anything.""
Does my car insurance help me get another car if my car is totalled?
I was in a car accident last week, which wasn't my fault. The auto body shop said my car is totalled because of the damages, it can't get fixed. The other person's insurance is going to pay it off because of the loss, I have full coverage and my question is, can my insurance get my another car or do I have to get it myself? I got it in April, gave a down payment, and have only made one payment. I need a car badly for work!!""
Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
Oakdale California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 95361
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/boyfriend-my-insurance-has-left-motorcycle-wont-return-kevin-freeman/"
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rotten-strawberryshake · 6 years ago
Text
Ok now...time to explain a bit why i feel bad...very bad
This month is the month when my depression "existed" or at least went very very deep making me feel really really bad, awful, i cried for the whole month literally, i got to the point i went even sick the whole vacations (i have only 2 weeks vacations, am still in school) and remembering all that makes me feel bad cuz i was very lonely in school and i was just starting to be in internet, and i got worse till the first time i vomitted cuz too much crying
I went to a psyquiatric after making a suicidal note at school because after vacations i still felt bad, and she sent me antidepressants but...it made me feel worst i even went
"AM DRUGGING MYSELF WITH ANTIDEPRESSANTS AHAHAHA I DONT WANNA TAKE EM BUT IF YA REALLY INSIST LET ME DRUG MYSELF WITH IT"
I was....not ok, i even made my mom cry
About my suicidal thoughts well....i had them from very long time ago so...am used to it i guess but i know i wont even though i keep thinking of it
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