#giggling a little bit about it. holy shit you all need therapy. for the most part

[aroace-shumika]

wow everyone here is insane and/or mentally ill

[descendantofthesparrow]

Interlude - Rewrite - POYW- Harry Hook x reader - Part 1 - New beginnings

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*felt like doing an episode entrance to this so deal with it*

-a shot of the isle pans across the screen with Descendants™ background music playing, before turning and panning across the ocean towards Auradon. It cuts to the dorms and fades into Evie and Mal's room, where Evie is shifting through a tall stack of papers.-

Evie turned her face towards her door as it suddenly opened and Mal stepped in “hey E, still at it?” Mal dropped her (Ben’s) letterman jacket on her bed and sat across from Evie, leaning over in the chair to take a look at the papers Evie was working on.

“yep” Evie let out a small sigh, giving Mal a small smile before looking back at the papers “I still can't believe Ben had to go through all of this just to get us six over, half of it is guardian responsibility shit”

Mal quirked her brow at that and reached out towards Evie, doing the ‘gimme’ motion. Evie handed her six sheets of paper, the front one reading;

'Application of guardianship

Child; Jay - parent; Jafar

Guardian applicant - Aladdin’

the rest of the paper was just info and numbers, all of which Mal didn’t bother to read. she set the paper down and continued to read.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Gil - parent; Gaston

Guardian applicant - Eugene Fitzherbert’

Evie took Jay's paper and set it down beside her, taking Gil’s as Mal set it down a moment later.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Evie - parent; Evil Queen aka. Queen Grimhilde

Guardian applicant - Ella Charming’

“who’s Ella?” Mal asked aloud, setting the paper on top of Evie's new pile and looking back at the last three.

“Cinderella” Evie answered lightly, grabbing her pen and crossing out a couple of lines on her paper “that’s why she was on our side during family day, I guess she already knew who we were”

“and here I thought it was because she knew what we went through” Mal snorted, drawing her thumb against her name on the paper.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Mal - parent; Maleficent

Guardian applicant - Megara’

Mal quirked her brow again, turning the papers towards Evie and pointing at the guardian’s name “who’s Megara?”

Evie took a quick glance and shrugged “no clue” Mal shrugged back and set the paper on the pile.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Carlos De’vil - parent; Cruella De’vil

Guardian applicant - Anita Radcliffe’

Mal let out a small hum at that, so the person who Carlos’ mother had hurt, had decided to be the guardian of Carlos?...cool, she knew that there were heroes that didn’t judge them for their parent's decisions but it was nice to know that some of those who had been directly affected held no bad blood against them.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Harry Hook  - parent; James Hook

Guardian applicant - Wendy Darling’

“huh” Mal snorted, setting the last paper on the pile, which Evie grabbed and straightened it and set it on her other side with the other read-through papers “Wendy Darling is Harry's guardian” Evie smiled at that.

“aw, cute…” then she snorted “I’m sorry the image of Harry wearing a baby blue sleep dress with a big pink bow on his head just came to mind” Mal covered her mouth and her forehead hit the desk as her body shook with laughter “I’m sorry” Evie giggled, leaning back in her chair and covering her eyes. “ahhh It won't leave~!”

“noooo Evie that’s going to be stuck in my head for like a month how dare you!” Mal screeched, lifting her head and reaching out to gently smack at Evie “I need bleach E, bleach!”

Evie pushed her hands away and shook her head “I’d rather you not go blind M” Mal just pouted and sunk back in her chair “also, I do need to get back to work so?” Mal sat up and gestured to the papers, picking up the pile Evie had set aside and starting to read, wanting to be involved in the program.

The room was silent other than the occasional shift of papers and scratch of a pen. Then mal popped her head back up to look at Evie, who glanced up at Mal and quirked her brow.

“oh, I heard you got appointed captain of the science league!” Mal grinned as Evie's entire face brightened, her eyes sparkling.

“yeah! I don’t even know how it happened, but Doug told me about this little contest with chemistry and I joined and I guess the winner got to be captain? But yes! And there's a championship after school starts up again!” Mal hummed with interest, leaning on her hand and listening intently as Evie went into her usual rambles.

“so it basically like that math league thing Carlos did for like two months, they ask us questions and stuff like that, and there's a physical part to it as well, the captain and three others on the team compete with the other team with an unknown challenge to create a certain chemical or other, last year they were challenged to make a chemical reaction, and our team won with making foam volcanos with beakers, all different colors, they had to make the chemicals used and everything from scratch with the bases they were given”

“that’s dope” Mal responded simply, not knowing what to say but wanting to keep Evie engaged.

“I know right!” Evie giggled, clapping her hands together slightly “we actually did the same experiment a bit before summer break started, we also launched soda bottles into the sky!”

Mal grinned at that “and yes I will show you how to do it, though I’m keeping the mentos away from you” Mal shook her head slightly, setting down the papers in her left hand and stretching.

“gah~” she glanced out the window, groaning at how dark it was already getting “wow how long have we been at this?” Evie pushed in her rambling and looked outside, gasping as she saw what Mal was talking about. It wasn’t pitch black, but the sun was beginning to set.

“holy shit how long have we been at this?” she pulled out her phone and bit her lip “it’s already dinner time!” Mal shoot up at that and grabbed her (Ben’s) jacket and slid it on, walking over to the door while looking back at Evie.

“come on! (y/n) said it was spaghetti night with garlic-ow!” the door opened in Mal's face, smacking her in the nose and making her stumble back.

“Mal!” Doug winched, swiftly closing the door and reaching out to the whining half-fae “shoot I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were behind the door!”

“knock next time” Mal muttered from behind her hands, her eyes screwed as pain thumped from her nose.

“I will I will- I’m so sorry” Doug stressed, pulling back slightly as Mal waved him off.

“forgiven, it was an accident.” Mal pulled her hand off her nose and wiggled it, looking towards Evie and Doug with raised brows “well?”

“no blood” Evie chirped, quickly organizing the papers and grabbing  her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and grabbing onto Mal's hand to pull her out of the room “come on, I’m starving~”

“that’s what I came to get you for” Doug spoke up, stepping up next to Evie as the three of them made their way to the cafeteria “I noticed the two of you weren’t there yet and I didn’t want you to miss dinner”

“thank you, Doug,” Evie cooed, Mal leaned forward a bit to smile at Doug

“what she said” Doug smiled back and nodded.

“no problem” it was a quick walk to the cafeteria, and when they entered Mal immediately separated from Evie and got in line, bouncing on her heels as the smell of garlic bread hit her.

Evie walked over to the table that was occupied by the vks and set her bag in-between Jay and Gil. “hi~” she sang, before spinning around and joining Mal in the line.

You looked up from your food for a moment, eyeing Evie's bag for a moment for no other reason than knowing she always had peppermint puffs in them before going back to eating.

The table was mostly silent other than Gil and Jay talking about their next season of tourney, Carlos typing away on his laptop, and Harry's foot tapping on the floor.

A few moments later Mal and Evie joined the five of you at the table, Evie taking her bag off the seat and taking its place, while Mal plopped next to Carlos and immediately starting slurping up her spaghetti “those etiquette lessons really didn't do much huh Mal~” Evie teased, laughing as Mal glared at her and knocked her wrists together twice.

“I should have never introduced you to friends” you laughed, setting down your fork and grabbing your drink, deciding to change the subject as Evie and Mal started to throw fake ‘fuck you’ signs “before you and Evie start fake flipping each other off, how was your first day of therapy Mal?”

Mal paused for a moment, pursing her lips “it was….therapy? I don’t know how to answer that?”

You shrugged in response “well, did it feel awkward? Did the therapist push you too much? Or was it just kinda…okay?” Mal looked at you for a moment before looking at her hands in thought.

“it…the most we did today was just getting to know each other, something about me being comfortable was the entire point of the therapy thing, and that I should only tell her things if I feel like it, that I should never feel forced to tell her things” you smiled at that, reaching over to squeeze her shoulder gently.

“then it was a great first session, now just remember it's twice a week, okay?” Mal snorted, gently slapping off your hand.

“yeah yeah, ever since cotillion E’s been helping me make a schedule so my brain doesn’t break again from trying to remember every single thing” Evie nodded in confirmation and tossed a meatball in her mouth.

“Nice, speaking of Evie, how's the going through the shit ton of papers?” you asked with a teasing smile, laughing as Evie kicked at your leg with a pout.

“Exhausting” Evie sighed, slumping into her hand and pushing around her food slightly “I've only gotten through half of it and that was all guardian stuff!” the rest of the vks raised their brows at that.

“Guardian?” Carlos asked, closing his laptop slightly “what do you mean guardian”

You took the chance to explain since Evie might’ve not known the exact reason why the vks had guardians “It was one of the demands of the council; because you guys are underage, you needed a legal adult to claim you just in case something happened, and since your parents are on the isle and can't come off, Ben asked some adults in Auradon to be your guardians. essentially if any of you land in the hospital and need to be signed out by a legal guardian, they’ll come to do that”

The vks nodded slowly, then turned to Evie “Sooo who are they?” Gil asked, biting down on a garlic cheese biscuit.

Evie shrugged slightly “Um, well mine’s Cinderella” the others gave her a look “I know, I don’t think Chad knows, um, Mal’s is a woman named Megara” Mal butt in for a moment.

“Have no clue who that is by the way” you laughed at that, Mal turning to you with curious eyes.

“I know, Megara is Hercules wife, like, daughter-in-law of Zeus and all that” Mals jaw dropped a bit as she nodded.

“Oh…alrighty then…oh wait! The one that had a deal with Hades n stuff?!” you nodded at that.

“The same” Gil perked up and asked you who was his guardian “um, Eugene Fitzherbert, Harry’s is Wendy Darling” Harry did a small spit take at that “Yeah that’s why she was nice on family day love” you chuckled, patting his pat as he coughed out his apple juice. “um, Carlos your guardian is Anita Radcliffe, and yes the one that your mom stole the puppies from” Carlos looked at you with utterly confused eyes “I know sounds weird, anyway, Jay's guardian is Aladdin” Jay's food dropped back on his plate as he stared at you “Yeah something about ‘knowing what you had gone through’ and all that…I just realized we're going to have to go through all of that guardian shit again” you groaned slightly, rubbing your face in frustration, you had spent several late nights with Ben just going through the, though scarce, application paperwork for the vks.

The council had made it hell to get the first six vks over to Auradon, Ben only being able to pull through it thanks to it being his first proclamation. But now since it was turning into more of a program than a proclamation, the council would probably make it hard again.

“Why?” Gil asked, frowning as you let out a frustrated puff of air.

“Well as I said, for you six to come, you had to have guardians, and we were damn lucky to find six adults who didn’t hold a grudge against yall for your parents, and…wait how old is Harriet?” you suddenly sat up straight as the realization came to you.

“um,” Harry tapped the table as he mentally counted “she a little younger than the isle…she was born in September so…18 righ’ now” you grinned “wha’?”

“She's a legal adult” it took a moment for the rest of the table to realize what you were talking about but it hit them a moment later.

“Harriet can be a guardian!” Evie sang happily, clapping her hands together in excitement “Oh, wait!” she stopped, pursing her lips slightly “Um, I hadn’t gotten to that part of the papers yet, how many kids to a guardian?”

“Two at most, if they aren’t biologically related to you, Harriet is automatically CJ and Harry's guardian when she comes, so then technically Harry you’ll have two, so possibly we can have Harriet sign up to be the twin's guardian…how old is Sammy?” Harry furrowed his brows in thought then snapped his fingers.

“In two months, he’s turning 18” you hummed as you tapped your finger against your chin.

“I don’t want to wait that long unless we have to, I guess for Sammy and Dizzy we’ll just have to find some more people willing to be guardians or see if any of yours are willing to be responsible for another kid.”

A flash of pink caught your eye as the table delved into “New vks” talk and you looked up to see Audrey walking into the food line, her posture stiff. You shared a look with Ben, who was at a table with his friends, and stood, dragging your hand across Harry's back as you did, and walked over to the girl.

“Audrey?” she jumped slightly, her honey-brown eyes widening as she realized it was you “Hi, when did you get back from the cottage?” she shrugged slightly, stepping forward in line as it moved.

“A couple hours ago, I stayed a bit longer after Chad helped fix my tire at the request of my godmothers” she gave you a small, though strained, smile “um, how you been?” you shrugged, nodding back towards the vks.

“Eh, we’ve been going over the thousands of papers to start on the next round of vks, I’m tired as fuck but ill deal with it” Audrey let out a soft laugh and the two of you walked a bit as the food line moved again.

“Grammie talked about that…” you could sense the frustration behind her words, meaning her grandmother had gone off about your attempts about more vks the entire time and Audrey didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“Sorry about that, um, did you hear Ben and Mal broke up?” Audrey just shrugged.

“yeah, my Grammy went insane over it, something about me having a clear chance with Ben again but I did my best to ignore her ya know?” you grinned at that, it seemed you had broken through some of her grandmothers hold on her, and were slowly removing the idea that she was responsible in being the sole provider of status In her family “cause I remembered what you said when Ben originally broke up with me, and I was kinda mentally like ‘well it’s not my job and I don’t care?’ and I realized as I was there….I don’t…think about Ben that way anymore” Audrey gave you a small smile, glancing back towards Ben as she did “instead of those butterflies I always got when I think of him... it's just….normal, like when I was a kid and dating wasn’t even a thing in my head…its…nice” her smile grew a bit “oh um,” she pointed at the line, which the two of you were almost at the trays

You smiled and patted her shoulder “no problem, I’m glad you doing good Audrey, it would have been nice to see you at cotillion, but I understand if that would have been hard” she nodded and grabbed a tray, waving you off as you walked back to the vks table and sat back down next to Harry.

“When did Audrey get back?” Mal asked, finishing off her garlic bread and glancing between you and Audrey.

“a couple hours ago” you responded simply, stabbing your last two meatballs and stuffing them in your mouth.

“oh” Mal looked between you and Audrey before going back to her food “okay, I just haven’t seen her all day then”

“for a second there I thought you were going to go fight or something” you joked, smiling a bit as Mal shook her head adamantly.

“heck no, why would I go out of my way to antagonize her?...well I mean I probably would have a couple months ago but…that would be just weird and…how would you say it? Out of character?” Carlos snorted at that “what?”

“Nothing I was just remembering how you went blonde and pastel for several months and that wasn’t ‘out of character’ for you?” Carlos used hand quotes as he spoke, laughing as Mal reached over the table to smack at him.

“Ney! I was having an identity crisis! I’m allowed to do out-of-character shit like that!”

“Switching the topic again” Jay interrupted, laughing slightly as Mal and Carlos continued to smack at each other “how's the search for Uma going?” Harry and Gil perked up at that. Mal stopped smacking Carlos and let out a low groan. “No luck?”

“not a tentacle in sight” she leaned on her palm “Then again I haven’t really been on the search party as of late, something about my school and everything else being more important”

“Do you think we’ll find her?” Evie asked, furrowing her brows as Mal shrugged “Well we have to soon, won't we? I mean she's a danger to Auradon” Evie squeaked a bit as she caught Harry and Gil's glare, your hand gently pushing on Harry's arm to prevent any…messes “Why are you two looking at me like that?”

“You called their friend a dangerous person, I think they are allowed to be a little pissed” you hummed, turning to Harry and giving him a look. He huffed and pouted down at the last of his dinner.

“But she spelled Ben? And she tried to get FGs wand to take control of Auradon!” Evie pushed, flinching back a bit as you looked at her with unamused eyes.

“Hypocrite much?” Carlos laughed a bit through his nose at your snark, looking down at his laptop as Evie, Mal, and Jay looked at you slightly confused “Oh come on you three, you can't have forgotten what you did only 7 months ago? You also spelled Ben, you also tried to get the want to control Auradon. You’re the kettle calling the pot black, Uma may have gone around the entire thing differently but all in all, she had the exact same plan as you six did.”

Mal, Evie, and Jay looked at each other uncomfortably before they looked at Carlos, who just rose his brow as if he was saying ‘you really gonna act like you’re better than her? Really? “She's right you know” Carlos hummed, looking back at his summer project “Uma is hardly different to us when we first came here, if the roles were reversed, I’m sure she would say the same about us”

Mal pouted for a moment before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath “I…suppose so” she grumbled, crossing her arms, Carlos just looked at her.

“Mal, you two have been at each other's throats since you were 10, most of it was you going after her, and her retaliating. I think it's time you let it go” Mal opened her mouth to argue but Harry glared at her, making her snap her mouth shut.

“I know yeh are tryin ta be better yeh imp, but tryin’ ta demonize Uma fer something yeh started is not helping yeh in meh books” Harry snarled, he and Mal having a glare off as tension raised at the table.

“Okay okay, that’s enough” you gently pushed Harrys face away from Mal and snapped your fingers in front of her face, making her blink wildly in surprise “I don’t want a bloodbath in the cafeteria please, anyway, Mal if I remember correctly, you did start the whole rivalry debacle, and I know why you did the whole stupid ‘shrimpy’ thing. It was just because your mother was an idiot and you need to leave that shit behind, if you continue to see Uma as a villain, that’s all she’ll ever be, it’s the same with you six, if the people of Auradon saw you as villains that’s what you would have become, and don’t try to tell me otherwise because I know exactly what went down on family day.”

The vks cringed at the mention of the horrid day. “I know, but you six were having doubts about your plans and then family day came along, so in turn, you decided to go through with everything. It’s the same with Uma, if you push her towards the label of Villain, she’ll accept it and rain hell on you and Auradon. So, you need to let your dumb rival shit go and see Uma as she really is, a troubled teen who has only had her mother's guidance on life and has been taught evil her entire life. Guess who that sounds like?” Mal sighed, crossing her arms and pouting at the table “hmm?”

“me” Mal finally admitted, closing her eyes “it sounds exactly like me”

“and me” Evie muttered, scratching her cheek as her eyes watered slightly at the memories of her mother surfaced.

“I’m sorry if that brought up bad memories but you three, mostly Mal and Evie, Jay you’ve been quiet but I could tell you were agreeing with everything” Jay winced at that “were acting like you are better than Uma when you’re not, she's just in the spot you all were in before and just after you came to Auradon.”

The vks were silent for a moment, the only sound being the usual noise of the cafeteria and Carlos typing away on his laptop. “and any new groups of VK’s we bring over may have the same mindset you six had when you originally came, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get a chance, showing them kindness and that the path that their parents showed them is not the only way to live is our best bet to safely getting more kids off while not accidentally destroying Auradon in the process, but as far as I know, Uma is a big symbol to the kids, just as you six were, if you accept her, the other kids will be more willing to come, and less willing to follow their parent's orders. But first, you need to get over your shit with her”

Harry and Gil smiled at you, as the other four stared at you for a moment before Mal sighed and nodded “she’s right…as much as I don’t want to hear it, you’re right…fine, I’ll see if or when we find Uma, she is not booted back to the isle…I’m pretty sure Ben wasn't planning on doing that in the first place, he’s pretty adamant in giving her a chance”

Suddenly Ben's smiling face appeared behind Evie, looking at the seven at you “I heard my name?”

“We were talking about Uma and the vks” you said quickly, saving the others from attempting to cover up the conversation, even though they didn’t have to (it was a habit they had a hard time getting rid of)

“ah,” Ben hummed, glancing at his watch “yeah, that’s a…whole thing right there that we don’t have time to get into right now but!” he clapped his hands and looked from you to Evie “after you two are finished, if you could come to my office with the list? I want to get started on the new group as soon as possible and I need names and parents.”

You both nodded and watched as Ben smiled back and walked out of the cafeteria and back to his office to do his kingly duties. “I just realized the council might also prove some trouble in getting more kids off” you sighed, leaning into your hand again. The vks gave you a confused look “well you all know they have been why it’s been several months since you guys came and there have been no more vks. then Harry and I kept trying to get meetings with Ben to talk about the vks, but almost every time he either had a council meeting or”

you gestured to Mal, who winced “had a date with Mal, which I’m still pissed at him for doing that, but anyway” you waved off the mention of Bens agitating routine “even though it was stupid, they kept giving the argument that you six were a rarity in the whole of vks, and that we would risk the destruction of Auradon every time we took a group of vks off, and they kept voting to postpone the continuation of Bens vk transfer program. And they might keep doing with and succeed; and I hate saying this, thanks to Uma’s rampage at Cotillion.”

Evie grit her teeth slightly in anger, there were so many innocent kids on the isle that never deserved to be there and deserved a chance at a real-life, it wasn’t fair that the old geezers of the council would doom so many of them just because of one “bad” egg

You finished off your drink and slammed the cup onto your tray, standing with it and nodding towards the door “well I’m done, and I want to get this started and finished quickly” you leaned down and kissed Harry’s cheek as Evie nodded, quickly eating the last of her garlic bread and handing you her tray as you reached for it and went to go stash them away.

“bye, guys!” Evie called, the two of you running out of the cafeteria and towards her room to grab all the needed paperwork and the list.

-

“and if possible, I want to start on getting fresh food and other basic necessities shipped to the island” you finished, Ben immediately nodded at your request, writing it off on his notepad and underlining it.

 “Sometimes I still can't believe my father let rotten food and garbage be their source of well…everything” Ben sighed, leaning back in his chair and holding his head.

“yeah…” you took a moment for Ben to process what was going through his mind before continuing “Because If we’re not able to get any kids off sooner than later, I want them to have a bit better of a living situation during the waiting period” Ben nodded again, sitting straight again and grabbing some of the papers Evie had revised and gone over.

“We might have to sneak around the council for some of this stuff, we all know that most of them hold a grudge against the vks for some reason, one of them being Audrey’s grandmother, and we all know what she's like” you and Evie shared a grimace.

“yeah…wait hold the phone” you waved your hands around, stopping the two from their work “Ben the council couldn’t vote on stopping the original transfer program, right? Since it was your first proclamation?” Ben nodded, leaning back a bit as a sharp grin bloomed on your face and you slammed your hands on the desk “This technically still counts as your first proclamation, they have no say on if you can or cannot bring more vks over! All we have to do is follow the steps you did last time and just…bring ‘em over! We might have some problems after that but fuck ‘em!” Ben stared at you for a moment, trying to realize what you were saying before it hit him.

“They can't vote on my first proclamation! They can only put rules on it! And since we closed ruling on it before you guys came” he pointed to Evie “they can't add any more rules! It's perfect!” “Let the bullshitting commence~!!!” you cackled. Lifting your hands in the air and spinning around “and if they try to send ‘em back because we went behind their backs, we can pull the fucking family card on ‘em!” Ben and Evie looked at you confused

 “Harriet and CJ?! If they try to send them back for whatever shit reason you can just go” your voice drifted into a false light tone as you mocked Ben “ ‘oh, are you really going to send back these kids and separate a family?’ and just have Harry do that doe eye thing he does scarily well and BOOM! Six new vks here to stay~”

Evie stared at you while Ben did a mini celebration dance “(y/n) I now understand why Harry and Gil tell us not to piss you off, you are scary” you grinned at that and bowed.

“Thank you~ I do take pride in terrifying those who don’t understand my brilliance~”

Ben laughed a bit, turning back to his desk and pulling out the guardian applications “so what are we going to do about the guardians? (y/n) you mentioned something about Harriet being CJ’s guardian automatically so we wouldn’t need one for CJ?” you nodded, sitting back down in one of Bens cushy chairs.

“yeah, dunno if it’ll fully work out though so we should still pick out a guardian for her. And if it's possible, that Harriet could also be the twin's guardian, if I’m remembering correctly since Harriet is CJ’s biological guardian which in turn makes her CJ’s legal guardian, she could technically sign up to have two more kids under her name” Ben hummed slightly, shuffling through a stack of papers.

“i’mmm not sure, I think it’s possible, but what do we do about Dizzy and Sammy? They are both underage, aren’t they? And Harriet can’t be their guardian either” 

you sighed, leaning back in your chair and rubbing your head “We can ask if any of the current guardians would be okay with being responsible for another vk, but I don’t know if they will go for it”

Ben glanced up at the clock and groaned “it's already almost curfew guys, I say we leave this for now and come back with fresh minds, it'll be easier to think when we're not dead tired”

“agreed” you and Evie chuckled, grabbing your things and waving Ben goodnight, walking back to your dorms.

“This is going to be a whole thing, isn’t it?” Ben sighed, shifting through the new vk applications, and Evie's two pound list, setting Harriet and CJs on top of Harry's file “but It’ll be worth it in the end”

-end of part 1-

part 1 yall~! we did it~!!!! i think to give myself some time to write the parts, ill be posting once a week, possibly on Saturdays (as to not post at the same time as @disneyfan50​ because they post on Fridays with their amazing true defender fic and i don't want to possibly take away any of the stage from them that they so deserve because their writing is incredible and i’ll stop lol-) but yeah, Mini-series, here it is!!! i hope i’m doing good on the core fours characterization, and Mal’s, they are all still learning (while Carlos is a bit ahead of them because I've always seen him as the most emotionally mature) and unlearning stuff from the isle and Mal is learning to see that Uma and she arent really that different and Mal needs to stop being a hypocrite over things that Uma did that Mal did 6 months before her. :/

anyway Permtaglist!

@queer-cosette​ @sephiralorange​

@lunanight2012​ @daughter-of-the-stars11​

@musicarose​ @imtryingthisout​

@remembered-license​ @random-thoughts-003​

@verboetoperee​ @thecaptainsgingersnap​ 

@jatp-rules-my-life​ @rintheemolion​

[johannstutt413]

(requested by coldgoldlazarus)

“Hey, Rope, question.” Vanilla approached the Cautus while they were both working the northern trading post. “Did you grab a bottle of pills from my pocket earlier?”

“Maybe? Hang on...No, I’ve just got mine in my pocket.” She gave the Vouivre a thumbs-up after patting herself down.

The Vanguard reached into her bag and pulled out a prescription bottle. “You might want to check the label, because these aren’t Biggie’s stomach meds.”

“They aren’t?” She read the label on her bottle. “Oh, okay, so those are my- Oh! Oh, no...”

“It’s fine - I’m just glad we checked before you had to get your stomach pumped, and Biggie melted through his home again. Honestly, it’s really impressive you took them in the first place and remembered to give them back. I remember the last time you accidentally took my wallet and I had to ask Liz to cover lunch for me.”

Rope sighed. “Yeah, that’s good, it’s just...I didn’t want anyone to know, you know? Being infected is one thing, but if people knew, they might look at me differently.”

“...If they knew what?” The Vouivre cocked her head. “I think I’m missing something.”

“Wait, so you didn’t read the bottle?”

Vanilla was steadily getting more confused. “No, I read it, but I don’t know what it is. What do you take Aldactone for? It’s not a migraine medication, is it?”

“No, it definitely isn’t that.” She couldn’t help but chuckle a little at that; she’d forgotten who she was talking to. Telling her couldn’t hurt at this point. “It’s part of my hormone therapy so I can, uh...be the me on the outside I am on the inside, if that makes sense?”

“Not really?” The Vouivre was quick to admit.

To be fair, the Cautus never knew how to answer questions like this. “I’m a woman, but my body doesn’t match - or at least, it didn’t until I met Aak.”

“Oh!” A few puzzle pieces clicked together in her mind. “Now I get it.”

“Good, cuz I don’t know if I could find another way to explain it,” she sighed, relieved.

That didn’t mean that was her last question, though. “Do you not like talking about it?”

“No, I don’t.” For exactly this reason, honestly. “People start asking me all kinds of questions about it, and I just wanna be me, you know? That’s the whole reason I have to worry about the pills and stuff.”

“Right, sorry. I, uh, won’t ask anything else.”

Rope looked at her for a moment before sighing again. “You have a lot of questions, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” Vanilla visibly relaxed. “I don’t want to bother you, though.”

“...Tell you what: buy me dinner, and I’ll answer a couple questions, whatever you’ve got. Sound good?”

That did perk the Vouivre’s interest, and, somewhat unexpectedly, a bit of a blush, too. “I’d like that, yeah. Tonight or...”

“Sure, if you don’t have plans.” That was a very enthusiastic no, apparently. “Cool. Well, I’m gonna take a break, so talk to you later!”

“Uh-huh!” Once she’d left, Vanilla let herself start breathing rapidly before pulling out her phone to text Franka. She had a favor she needed to ask.

--------------------

About an hour after dinner service opened in the cafeteria, Rope got a message from Vanilla saying she was on her way; that’d given the Cautus enough time to pick out something to wear - something without pockets, to keep herself from stealing as much stuff as she might with places to put it - and psyche herself up for a kind of awkward conversation with someone she worked with and hung out with at a couple of parties but didn’t talk to all that much otherwise. Still, that put her in the Top Ten on her “friends and associates” list, since Rope didn’t really talk a lot, period, and she was so innocent and soft...Would’ve been a good mark back in the day, honestly. Course, if she tried anything serious these days, Dobermann would chew her head off, and who knows what Blacksteel would do to her…

Ding-dong! That was her cue. The Cautus gave herself one last once-over and opened the door. “Evening, Va...Vanilla.” Holy shit, she cleaned up well.

“Good evening.” The Vouivre looked more than a little out of her element, admittedly, but that just added to the charm. “I, uh, already got us a table at a place, if that’s alright?”

“Hey, I came in from off the streets; anything’s good enough for me.” True, she did have a couple preferences, but since her...since Vanilla was paying, it wasn’t going to be an issue. What was this, exactly? And wait, didn’t this imply she’d make reservations somewhere? Like people did on dates in movies or whatever?

Doing her best not to jump to conclusions, Rope walked with Vanilla to a nice-looking Siracusan place not too far from her apartment. “This place looks nice, but you didn’t have to spoil me.”

“I know, but uh...I wanted to.” Since there was no way in hell she could be nonchalant about this, she was just going to be as genuine as possible. “We’re at a corner booth, and they aren’t too busy tonight, so we won’t have people listening in on us.”

“Well, well, I didn’t expect you to think of that. Sorry, that sounded meaner than I meant it to be.”

The Vouivre shrugged. “It’s fine - I know people don’t expect it from me. Um, are we drinking tonight, do you think?”

“It’s your money, not mine,” the Cautus replied, “but it’ll probably help if I have a lil’ wine.”

“That works. Excuse me, reservation for 2 for Vanilla?” And with that, their dinner date began.

Once they’d been seated, given a bottle of wine to start with, and ordered their meals, Rope took the lead. “So, you’ve got at least a couple questions for me, right? Wanna make this worth the cash you’re spending on me, after all.”

“How did you know?” That was the most interesting question to her. “Your body says one thing, your heart says another, how do you know which one’s right?”

“I mean, you don’t eat the wrapper, you eat the candy, right? Took some time to figure out why I felt so uncomfortable just, well, being, but as soon as I did, I knew what I wanted to do. Problem is, it’s kinda expensive to get the medications and the surgery and stuff, so for someone stealing just to eat every day, there wasn’t a lot I could do. Then I met Aak, and he helped me out a lot before I got locked up - he’s actually the one who gets me my prescriptions here, too - but I lost some progress since they wouldn’t let me take my meds in prison. The Doctor got me out of there, though, and now I have all the support I need. Sorry, that was more than you asked for.”

Vanilla smiled. “That’s alright; I wanted to ask about all of it. You know, I really had no idea. I mean, even up close, you’re so pretty, I’d never have guessed...”

“Thanks, I think.” Something about that smile raised a question in the Cautus’ mind, so she decided to try and confirm her suspicions. “Where’d you buy that dress, by the way? It looks really good on you.”

“Oh, thank you! Croissant’s resale shop, they might not have another one, but she sells a lot of good stuff for reasonable prices.” It helped that she had a concrete answer, but there was no hiding how happy the Vouivre was to receive that compliment.

Which gave Rope the confidence she needed to say, “It looks like it’s pretty easy to take off, too.”

“Yeah, it’s only got the one strap that...” Vanilla realized what’d happened when the Cautus started giggling. “I was going to ask for help with that later, but I guess you beat me to the punch.”

“If I ever had doubts I was a woman, I definitely don’t right now.”

Now the Vouivre was bright red. “Am I really that obvious?”

“You don’t wear a sign or anything,” Rope replied, still smiling genuinely, “but the way you’ve been looking at me tonight was enough.”

“Yeah, I guess I, um, have been staring...Does this count as a date?”

Rope nodded, having thought she’d regained her composure but finding more giggles to release. “It does now. Oh, man. This was the idea from the beginning, right?”

“I was going to ask you out when I went to give you your meds back,” Vanilla admitted, “so when you asked me to take you out, it was kind of perfect.”

“Wow. I played right into your hands, huh?” The Cautus hadn’t done something like that since she’d tried to pick Miss Swire’s pocket all those months ago - the thing that’d gotten her locked up, actually.

She shrugged. “You kind of did, yeah. We should probably eat our food before it gets too much colder.”

“Shit, how long have we been talking? I lost track.” The ex-thief cut into her steak, watching it bleed with a satisfied smile. “Nice and rare. Oh, sorry, you’re an animal-person, right?”

“W-well, as long as they’re raised humanely, being used for protein isn’t the worst thing that could happen to them. I mean, slugs eat meat, too, although Biggie’s actually doing really well on the low-meat high-protein diet I have him on.” At the mention of her beloved pet, her eyes lit up.

Rope leaned forward. “I’ve seen you driving him around base in a stroller before. You really love him, don’t you?”

“He’s so precious, how could you not!” And as planned, she was off. “Oh, you should have seen him the other day...”

What’d started off with an awkward moment in the trading post was quickly shaping up to be the best night either of them had had in awhile; as the Vouivre began regaling her with stories of her precious pet slugs, the Cautus ate her meal, paying close attention. Vanilla would’ve made an easy mark, it was true, but looking at her now, that was the last thing on Rope’s mind, even though she had plenty of thoughts on what she could do with her...

[shera-dnd]

A Day at a Time - Offer

A bit of a short one this time, but I think you guys will like it

Now with extra doses of Adora and Melog

Also here is the AO3 link for those who prefer to read it over there

The strong woman picked up Melog and held him in her arms. The little cat purred happily as he allowed the stranger to pet him. The woman giggled some more at the pet’s reaction. Wow she was even more gorgeous like this.

“Y-yeah” Catra eventually answered “I’m so sorry. He’s never done anything like this before...”

“Oh it’s alright,”  The woman waved off, before giving Melog a few scratches “You’re gonna behave from now on. Won’t you, cutie?”

“Alright, you little bastard. You had your fun. Now come to mama.” She approached them and reached for her cat, but he only clung harder to the woman holding him. “Melog, let go of the nice lady and come with mommy!” Once again Melog clung to the lady and refused to let go. “Ugh, sorry, I swear I don’t know why he is acting like this.”

“I guess little Melog just really liked the nice lady.” She joked, playing a little with the cat before turning back to Catra. “The name’s Adora, by the way. I can carry him to your apartment if you want!”

Catra sighed.

“If that’s okay with you,” Catra really didn’t want her first real interaction with Adora to be her asking for a favor, but she would have to make the best out of a shitty situation. “And I’m Catra. I live on the third floor.”

“I live on the fourth, so  it’s on my way up!” She offered.

“Alright.” Catra agreed, showing Adora the way to her place. “Sorry again. He’s never done anything like that.”

“I’m sure he just wanted to stretch his legs.” She answered, playing with one of Melog’s paws as she followed Catra.

Catra was determined to remain quiet the rest of the way back to her apartment. It was a very awkward silence for her, but it was better than risking embarrassing herself by opening her damn mouth. Adora seemed content just playing with Melog anyway. Until she wasn’t.

“So were you waiting for a package or something?” She asked with genuine curiosity.

“What do you mean?” Catra asked back, caught a little by surprise.

“I see you checking your mailbox every day,” Adora explained. “I thought you were expecting a package.”

“Not really,” Catra admitted, “I just need an excuse to leave the apartment sometimes.” At that admission, the jock went almost starry eyed.

“Have you considered jogging?” She happily offered. “A little morning exercise does wonders to your day!”

“I’m not sure if that’s really my thing...” Catra answered, trying to evade the offer she knew would come soon.

“Ah,” Adora was clearly not expecting that answer. “Sorry. I guess I got a bit too excited about getting a workout buddy.” She seemed to think for a bit before offering, “Hey, what if I give you my number? Then if you ever change your mind about it, you can just text me!”

Holy shit, was Adora just gonna give her her number like that? Was she still dreaming in bed?

“Y-yeah, sure!” She stammered, offering Adora her phone. The jock shifted Melog a little so she could hold him with only one arm and quickly added her number to Catra’s contacts.

“There you go!” She said, handing Catra her phone back. “Just text me whenever.”

“Okay.” She answered, so stunned by this turn of events that she almost didn’t notice that they were about to walk past her apartment. “We’re here!” She announced as she opened the door. The moment Melog caught sight of the couch, he jumped from Adora’s arms and bolted for his favorite napping spot. “Really?” She yelled after her pet.

“I told you he just wanted to play a little!” Adora laughed.

“He can play without scaring me and bothering the neighbors next time!” She said, giving the cat a death glare, before turning back to Adora. “Thanks again for helping me.”

“No worries.” Adora waved off, “Do give my offer some thought, okay?”

“Fine...” Catra said in the most non-committal way possible.

“Alright. See ya, Catra!” She waved, and then turned to wave at the napping cat. “See ya, Melog!” and with that she left for her own apartment.

~~~

Catra picked up her phone for the Nth time that day. She paced around her apartment, staring down at her new contact, as she tried to convince herself to text Adora. She dropped her phone on the counter once more and sat down on the couch next to Melog. The cat woke up from his nap with a stretch and a yawn, sprawling himself over Catra’s lap, awaiting to be scratched and petted.

Catra wanted to spend time with Adora. She wanted to start working out and going out more and just doing anything with her life. But every time she came close to contacting her, she was plagued by the same doubts as always, and every time she stopped herself short of doing anything. It felt like she was torturing herself and she couldn’t stop.

“What the fuck am I doing?” Catra sighed as she absent mindedly played with her pet. “You used to be a risk taker, Catra. What the hell happened to you?” She was very aware of what happened, but she didn’t want to think about it. She glanced at her phone once more. “What do I care? She probably just wants a workout buddy and doesn’t really give a shit about me anyway.” 

She looked down at her therapy animal. He was a total dumbass most of the time, but he was still a good judge of character. “What do you think, Melog?” The cat rolled on her lap and clung to her like he had done to Adora earlier. Catra smiled and petted him. “I guess you’re right. She is really nice and she could be fun to work out with at least.” She lifted Melog so he was eye level with her and eyed him with mock suspicion. “Is this some master plan to get more people to play with you?” She didn’t know what answer she expected, but all she got was a lick on her nose. “I’m keeping an eye on you.”

She set Melog back in his napping spot and went to grab her phone one more time. She opened her contacts and… she didn’t know what to say. It was supposed to be so easy, but she didn’t know what to text. Good one, Catra. You jumped one hurdle just to fall flat on your ass at the next. She took a deep breathe and calmed herself down, she just had to act natural. She thought for a few moments before typing a short message.

“Hey, Adora”

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

Ok so maybe I shouldn’t call this Weekly Wednesday Reflections anymore since I’m terrible at writing it in time 🤷🏻‍♀️ granted it is Wednesday...just a week late 😅

I’m pretty sure this is my new favorite Ellick episode. After rewatching it, I’m just so- happy with it. From exploring Ellie’s range of emotions and character depth to the progress we saw in their relationship just 🥰

The opening scene already gives us SO MUCH. First, they jog as the cutest freaking married couple I’ve ever seen and this certainly is a routine because they knew to target him here. But Nick teasing her by sprinting, her struggling to keep up but giggling with each other because clearly it’s not the first time he does that little speed up thing & she’s working on getting faster because she used to hate training for marathons like- can you NOT. My heart can’t take the implications, ALSO Gibbs & McGee didn’t bat an eye that they just so happened to be jogging together in the early morning (everyone was only just leaving their house on their morning commute) so they know it’s their routine too and don’t even question it. GAH.

Flashforward to hospital scene with Ellie breaking my heart slowly. She’s clearly been crying by the red rimmed eyes, and yet also trying to hold it together to be strong for Nick & so she does the only thing she knows how to do since feelings scare her and the love of her life Nick just got hit. Ellie’s logical brain takes over as she does best (see 16x18 for reference) - when she’s dealing with emotions, all she can do is her job, it’s all that makes sense in the monsoon of feelings. She’s going to analyze every last bit of the hit & run and immediately parrot it back so that *something* can be done right away and she can find justice for Nick. She doesn’t care about her own health- just justice for Nick. And in that same vein, she doesn’t want to eat, she doesn’t want to rest, she doesn’t want to sit down until she knows Nick is okay (I’m sorry but to have a CODE NAME from the nurses because they feel the need to run from you- can you say “Crazy Worried Wife™️”??)

Kasie is our new captain, it has been decided. (I think this was already decided but I’m making an official decree) Her probing McGee to see his reaction because girl knows why Bishop is taking it harder, please. Then laughing it off for McGee, “we all gon need therapy if those two ever hook up” while thinking *boy you better stop denying because you KNOW they hooking up after this shit* is just 🙌🏼 the outright addressing of Ellick by the show- thank youuuuu.

Ok and now begins the Ellie show. Excuse me, the BADASS BISHOP SHOW. (Also why I’m partial to this being my fave ep). First- girl does not know how to holster her gun. Ellie: “you say there’s a tiny lead” *cocks gun* “let’s go” I’m herrrrrre for it. She’s blunt with everyone, she doesn’t care when Gibbs gives her the look, she don’t take no SHIT in interrogation. “You’d have to be [creative]” had me cry-ing 😭😭😭 AND THEN her equivalent of cursing out Vance over Nick, followed up by freaking out in the bullpen had me breaking on my couch. YES ELLIE GET IT is what I believe I chanted. The stare off, oh lordy. Y’all I was sweating I was pissed for her. Just the raw emotion in her eyes, the constant holding back tears and tears I just- 😭💔 and emojis don’t do it justice. I wanted soooo bad for her to land a sweet, sweet punch like she did with Victor, but knowing a second offense unprovoked wouldn’t go over too well, she held back. But aaaahh that scene was SO heartbreaking. And then, and THEN Ellie standing there gazing at his desk- oof. Her body language was key- her crossed arms, holding herself literally together so she doesn’t break?? She wants to break, y’all. She wants to break. Staying strong for Nick is the only thing getting her through.

When Gibbs sends her to be at the hospital because THE WHOLE DAMN TEAM KNOWS, I did a happy dance. McGee encouraging her but almost pulse-checking Gibbs after was very very intriguing. Gibbs’ “He’s a fighter” followed by McGee’s pulse-check, “so is Bishop...” and Gibbs’ exasperated look off towards the elevator and admission of agreement says SO MUCH. First- McGee is worried about not only Nick, but his sister, Ellie. He knows how much Qasim’s death hurt her, knows what she went through after- WHICH TIME OUT. For anyone saying this episode was OOC for Ellie? Sit the hell down and go watch 14x16. Then come back. Then continue reading. Ok resume WWR- McGee also knows how much more Torres means to her, he may try to deny it, but he knows. Implying Bishop is a fighter, obviously not about her health because *she’s fine* but more about what she’d do out of revenge. (And the man doesn’t even know Bishop is about to say she’s gonna kill him) Gibbs’ already sees himself a little in her, recognizing the same feeling he experienced with Shannon many years ago- hence the completive look on his face & heavy sigh. He knows he’ll have to revisit Rule 12 soon (but also in his mind he’s basically already burned it like Rule 10).

Speaking of Ellie saying she’s going to kill him, please see this excerpt from my notes during the ep: “FUCK YES BISHOP - the emotions!!!!!!!” That basically sums up how I felt the entire scene & commercial break afterward 🤷🏻‍♀️😂😂 My reaction when it came back? KILL HIM. But like in all seriousness, her face- holy shit going from on the verge of tears when they rolled Nick away to calculating her next move as McGee’s talking to her to making up her mind that she will be committing murder (please, girl already planned it & is just deciding which lipstick to wear during it at this point). Emily Wickersham is an amazing actress and I don’t care what you have to say. And yes, McGee trying to calm her down in a big brother way is adorable, but Ellie not having it is great. “Torres doesn’t get a say” is such a Nick thing to do of her 😭 Remember Luis going off on his own, yeah- this is Ellie’s version because she wants to & her husband is rubbing off on her. Oh also, the office she refers to? Totally means Ziva’s office at Odette’s - “if we missed something, I’ll find it there.” Hmmmm sounds eerily similar to *why* Ziva had that office in the first place, doesn’t it 🤔 also explains the lack of her on HQ’s logs and her “going home” excuse— which by the way, her shrugging them all off? Suspect Bishop, suspect. Her trying to play it all off with a wry laugh, not gonna lie, I love it. Her “too late” to Gibbs is quite interesting though- she sees herself going down that path any way, because she killed him? Or because she triggered a chain of events that will lead to it? Or because she may not have killed him, but lord knows she wanted to & planned it down to every last detail? Like I said, interesting.

Ok side note: Jack suggesting taking her off duty kinda pisses me off - with the spiraling comment too. She got to spiral when that guy from her past came & it screwed with her psyche, why the f can’t Bishop? It just rubbed me the wrong way, but I don’t hate Jack (don’t @ me, people.)

Back to Badass Bishop Show. She literally always has her gun out now. Just walking to the penthouse again where they didn’t try anything last time, *cocks gun.* When Gibbs comes up and tells her Nick is away 😩 Her relief though in the fact that he’s asking about her and he’s hungry (Ellie rubbing off on him, you can’t tell me I’m wrong) to go to the kicking down the door because that’s what her baby does so therefore she kicks down doors now- the parallels & the influence 😭😭

THE BATHROOM SCENE. McGee like seriously? You actually killed him?? And Gibbs like “oh fuck here we go again.” And then Jimmy had me dyinggggg. Theory alert: I really think Ellie (maybe Gibbs went with her & they’re helping each other with alibis/cover up??) went to kill him but got there after it had happened, that’s why she’s a little cagey about it- not that she *actually* killed the guy. BUT reference 14x16 again, I wouldn’t put it past her.

The final hospital bed scene has my heart. Ellie is so relieved and just so happy and open (but also a little nervous about what happens next so she hides a touch of her emotions, can’t let him see alllll of her heart now can we)- going back to their teasing ways, “worst pretend sleeper”, “next time jump out of the way” - UGH so cute. Side note, they use last names here almost similarly to the submarine episode. When shit gets scary real for them, it’s their way of grounding themselves almost, trying to hide just how much that incident actually affected them. They both do it & yes, it frustrates the hell out of me, but at the same time shows me just how much they care for the other 😭 BUT this time!! Nick made it take a serious turn, and I think Ziva finally got through to him- that sentence “cause you know I risked my life to save yours” is more him openly saying like oh shit I really did that 1. to himself and 2. to finally take that next baby step in their relationship. The emotion behind it showing her it wasn’t just because they’re partners- he wanted her to know that for sure, to make sure he didn’t just make light of it & glaze over it. He needed it out there in the universe that he Nicholas Torres, of sixteen different identities & no family, nothing to live for anymore, would rather DIE- than see Ellie in harms way. He needed it to be tangible for himself AND for her. Because this is growth, this is not what most people think of when they think of him.

And Ellie’s response: the look, hesitation building up courage, and making that first move of physical touch speaks VOLUMES about Ellie at this point. Not only does she take hold of his hand, but she rubs it in a soothing gesture. As if she needs to confirm for herself he’s really there, he’s really alive. The struggle she went through, the turmoil- wasn’t all for not. It’s her saying “I know” not just to the fact that she was joking earlier, she knows he risked his life & she’s grateful for that, but she knows it was more than because they’re just partners, more than just best friends even. That first move is her saying “I know” and “I might be ready to open up & let you in to the walls that surround my heart because the last time I was in a hospital staring at someone I loved, it didn’t turn out the same. Except this time, it took the hospital trip to really bring that into focus, and I know I can’t let that happen again.” Aaaaaaand catch me sobbing in the corner, it’s fine. I’m fine.

Nick’s reaction speaks volumes from him too, his slight shock to Ellie reciprocating & making that first move with his soft smile that is hinted at across his face to show he knows she’s letting him peak in, just a little, and that’s a start. A start people!!!

Last notes: Gibbs being such a dad and defending Nick liking his fireplace is the cutest. Vance was eager to get out of there at the end- his contacts are very very suspicious... And on that note, I really do not think it was Gibbs. I think Gibbs and Bishop may have gotten there after it happened with the purpose of doing something, so now they’re covering for each other, but I do not think it was either of them.

Pretty sure this is officially my longest review to date, WHOOPS. If you made it this far, congrats & thanks for staying with my inner ramblings 🙃 Like I said- my favorite episode so farrrrrr (now let’s see if we get anything AFTER this episode......lol I got jokes 😅).

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (19/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: This chapter is another biggie, and I think that you guys will like it! Also, I cannot express how awesome all of you are! I didn’t get the chance to respond to all of your replies on the last chapter, but I promise I’ll do better on this one!

Thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke​ for reading all of these words before I send them out to the world! ❤️

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury​ @superchocovian​ @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings​

-/-

Killian is blinking at her.

He’s not saying anything.

He’s just…blinking, and Emma has never been so annoyed by blinking in her entire life. And maybe annoyed isn’t the right word. Maybe the right word is terrified because she just told a man that she loves him for the first time in three years, and this time she means it more than all of the times before.

And it’s freaking terrifying.

Whichever Olsen twin it was in that movie was right when she said that it’s got to be that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of stuff because that is exactly how Killian makes her feel even when all of the other not-so-fun adult stuff mixes in.

Why are baseball metaphors so apt in her life now? She needs to use fewer of them, but sometimes they just slip off of her tongue.

Plus, that’s a damn good movie quote.

This is entirely beside the point.

Emma just used a dumb, playful, sometimes serious game of truth or dare to tell Killian that she loves him, and if that doesn’t sum up who she is as a person, she doesn’t know what does.

Probably freaking the fuck out waiting for him to say something back.

Killian blinks three times – she’s not counting or anything – before his lips part and his hand starts moving against her back once more. She didn’t even realize that he’d stopped until he started again, and she loves the way that he always traces words into her back when they’re laying together in bed. She’s never been able to figure out what letters and words exactly, his patterns always a mystery, and she…

Oh.

Now she knows what words Killian is tracing into the skin on her back, and she feels so incredibly dumb for not realizing it before. But also, really, truly hopeful. And excited. And maybe she’s not freaking out so much anymore even though her entire body feels like it’s going to spontaneously combust.

“I love you, Emma,” Killian whispers before his thumb comes to rest on the indent of her chin, moving back and forth in slow circles while he smiles that soft smile that makes his eyes crinkle and her heart soar. “I love you even if you just used truth or dare to tell me that.”

“You don’t think it was a total copout?”

“Oh no, my love, it was. I just don’t care.”

And then his nose is pressing into her cheek as hers does the same, and lips are moving over hers in quite possibly the softest caress she’s ever felt. In the few times that she imagined this, that she imagined her bravery to be enough to actually tell Killian that she loves him, to be able to give him the power that confessing something so intimate gives him, she imagined that the resulting kiss would be harsher, more passionate. She expected that the feelings would overwhelm them and cause them to hastily fall into each other.

But like everything with Killian, he surprises her with each and every one of his moves – even the ones she’s anticipating.

Emma shifts her legs under the blankets, the comforter and the one that they have piled over it, and she easily straddles Killian’s lap, placing her knees on both sides of his thighs, and the hair on his chest and the metal of his chain press into her while her palms cup his cheeks as Killian tugs on her upper lip with his mouth. She loves when he does that.

She loves him.

A giggle escapes her as Killian’s hands start running up and down her sides, his fingertips sending shivers down her spine, and even though Killian is sliding his tongue across the seam of her mouth trying to deepen the kiss, she can’t stop laughing.

“You’re going to bruise my ego,” he huffs, but she can hear how light-hearted the tone of his voice is and can feel his smile without even bothering to open her eyes. But then again, he’s got such a handsome face that she wants to open her eyes to look at him and those stupidly long lashes with those stupidly blue eyes. “What are you laughing at, Swan? Is it my kissing skills? I rather thought I was improving on those.”

“I mean,” Emma teases, sliding her thumbs along his jawline while she peppers several kisses over his brows and his eyelids before pulling back and resting her forehead against his, “we definitely have to keep on practicing that. Several times a day at the very least.”

There’s a pinch against the underside of her breast. “Tease.”

“You love me.”

“That I do.” Her heart swells and flutters and all of those indescribable things that it can do other than keeping her alive. This might be the most alive she’s felt in years, and her life has been pretty great recently. “Is that why you’re laughing? Because I love you.”

“Just a little bit. And maybe because of the distinct lack of clothes we have on.”

Killian hums as one hand roams his back while the other cups her breast, thumb running over her nipple. “I kind of like this distinct lack of clothes. I doubt you’ll ever hear me complaining about it.”

“And if I do?” Emma questions as she adjusts how she’s sitting, her ass hitting against Killian’s half-hard length.

“Immediately take me to the doctor because I am obviously dying.”

Laughter rumbles from deep in her stomach, and she’s still laughing into the kiss when her mouth moves over Killian’s with practiced, joyful ease. If she thinks about everything too much, she’ll freak out. It’s in her nature. It was happening less than ten minutes ago, so Emma makes a pointed effort not to think and to simply feel. To feel the way that Killian kisses her, to feel the way that their bodies move together, and to feel the way that Killian murmurs his love for her into her skin over and over again. Most people are probably more reserved after exchanging those words for the first time, but Killian feels everything so deeply that she can’t imagine him ever being reserved in a moment like this.

Except for that kiss a minute ago, but maybe that wasn’t reserved after all.

Idly, as Killian slides into her and begins snapping his hips against her, his body warm as it covers her, she wonders just how long he’s loved her, just when he realized it, but that’s a question for another time when Killian’s not making her lose her breath with every swivel of his hips and every move of his mouth of hers.

Even if she’d been to sleepovers as a child, even if she’d been able to play truth or dare or any of those other dumb games growing up, nothing would ever compare to this.

Man is she glad that they joked around in Killian’s hotel room in London about having a day like today. It’s funny how little things like that add up to such big things like this.

Killian loves her back, and even though she’s been scarred in the past by people who have said those words, she’s choosing to have faith this time. This is different. In a good kind of way.

That’s what she absolutely has to keep telling herself.

Holy shit. What a day.

Emma’s honestly not sure when she fell asleep, but before she knows it, she’s waking to the sound of Killian’s alarm. He groans against her back, his arm tightening around her stomach for a few seconds before she can feel him move across the mattress to make that awful blaring sound stop.

“I have to go to practice,” he mumbles, his voice deep and gravely in the way that it is in the mornings, and that always makes heat stir low in her belly.

Emma shifts on the mattress, turning over to her other side so that she can look at Killian even though she hasn’t quite gotten the motivation to open her eyes yet. “It’s too early to even think about physical exertion.”

“It’s nine in the morning, Swan.”

“That’s too early.”

Killian chuckles, and Emma finally opens her eyes. The light isn’t quite so bright, especially with all of Killian’s blinds being closed, but the slightest sliver of sunlight is peeking through enough to make her never want to go out in the sunlight again like she’s some kind of nocturnal creature.

“You are precious in the mornings,” Killian sighs, reaching over to her and brushing her hair off of her temple. His hair is all over the place, messy in a natural way instead of the messy that he styles it in, and she can see the red pillow creases on his cheek. “I have never known someone who hates waking up more than you.”

“The only good part of waking up is knowing that I can have coffee and something to eat.”

“Those are two fantastic parts of waking up.” He presses forward and lazily slides his lips over hers so that Emma hums in contentment and her eyes flutter closed again while she shifts closer to Killian, her nails scratching up and down his arm until he pulls back. “I love you.”

Her mouth curves up, and she blinks at Killian, squeezing his bicep. “I love you too. We really said that last night, didn’t we?”

“We did. Any regrets?”

“Can you give me a few more hours to think about it?”

Killian groans before nipping at her nose with his teeth and pulling back, quickly standing up before bending over and pulling his boxers back up his legs to rest low on his hips. The man was made to wear underwear. Is that a weird thought to think?

“You, Emma Swan,” he starts, pushing his hair back off of his forehead, “are a minx.”

“It’s what you deserve for waking me up so early.”

Killian’s head shakes from side to side before he walks over to her and places both his hands on the headboard on either side of her head so that he’s encroaching on her personal space, right brow raised high on his forehead. “I have to go to work unlike you, who should most definitely go back to sleep when you get back to your apartment. Do you want me to make you something for breakfast before I go?”

“No,” she says, pressing up to kiss his cheek before ducking underneath his arms to stand from the bed so that she can get dressed as well. “I’m good with eating leftovers. I think we should make cookies next time I’m here.”

“Your heart’s desire, Swan. I promise that’s all I want you to have.”

She smiles at him as she shuffles through her bag to pull out a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt to wear today. She’s not exactly sure when she’s picking up Leo except that it’s sometime this afternoon, so she’ll have plenty of time to shower at home and get ready there. Somehow, even though all she’s doing is getting dressed and brushing her teeth, Killian is ready before her and the two of them silently walk out of his bedroom and down the hall to the main part of his apartment. Emma drops her bag by the front door before walking toward the fridge and grabbing the plate of lemon squares only for Killian to take it out of her hand and start placing them in a Tupperware container.

The man keeps all of his containers very neatly organized, and she’s not even sure if she has a matching box and lid in her apartment.

“Why are you sending all of these home with me?”

“Because you like them, for one, and because you might want to have something on hand for when you tell Ruby where you’ve been.”

Oh.

Shit. She forgot about that, and that was not something she needed to forget about when she’s practiced the speech in her head several times over. It’s going to be fine. Just fine.

“It’s going to be fine, love,” Killian promises, somehow echoing her thoughts and handing her the container. “She might be a little mad at first, but she loves you. She’s not going to stay mad. Call me when you can, okay? I want to know how it goes.”

“Okay. Have a good practice. Thanks for the food and the company or whatever.”

“So eloquent with words,” he teases, brushing a quick kiss to her lips and squeezing her hip before shuffling her toward the door. “I’m going to go down to get my car. Do you want me to drop you off at your apartment?”

“I do like the idea of my own personal chauffeur.”

-/-

Ruby is sitting on the couch when Emma walks in the door, and Emma curses under her breath. She was hoping that maybe, just maybe, Ruby would be spending her day off sleeping or out doing errands or simply something to give Emma a little more time. Killian’s probably going to be late to practice because she sat in the passenger seat of his car for so long building up the courage to get out.

Not that she’d wish anything bad on him, but Killian better be freaking out this much about telling Liam and everyone else.

How do people do things like this?

They probably don’t wait months to tell their friends that they’re dating someone.

“Hey,” Emma greets, closing the door behind her and dropping her bag on the ground. “I didn’t think you’d be awake.”

“Graham was super loud when he went into work, and I couldn’t go back to sleep.” Ruby looks over to her from the couch and scoops up a spoonful of the cereal she’s eating. “How was David’s last night? Are those leftovers in that box?”

“Um,” Emma hums, walking further in the room until she’s sitting down next to Ruby on the couch and placing the box of lemon squares on the coffee table. Her stomach is in so many knots, and it is probably not healthy for Emma to have this many big things happening in her life all within the span of twelve hours. “They are leftovers, which you are free to have, but they’re not from David’s.”

Ruby arches a brow. “They’re from Killian’s then?”

What the fuck?

“I’m s-sorry,” Emma stutters, her face heating up. Damn does she hate how pale she is even with a tan so that her blush is always visible. It’s like she has “I’m embarrassed” tattooed on her forehead. “What are you talking about? They’re from David’s,” Emma backtracks, her lie obvious. “Mary Margaret made them.”

Ruby rolls her eyes and reclines back into the couch cushions, her socked feet resting on the coffee table as her fingers tap along her thigh. “You’re dating Killian Jones. He baked the stuff on the table. You were at his apartment last night. You don’t have to lie.”

What the fuck? Holy shit. Damn, damn, damn. Every curse Emma can think of is at the forefront of her mind, but really, absolutely nothing makes sense with how quickly thoughts are getting jumbled around in there.

How in the hell did Ruby now? And why has she kept it to herself this entire time? Does this mean other people know?

It’s like that episode of Friends where they don’t know that we know that they know. Or something along those pop culture reference lines. Except this is very much not pop culture and most definitely Emma’s real life.

“You should really close your mouth,” Ruby sighs as she leans forward and picks up the Tupperware container. “It makes you look like a fish. So, what did lover boy make?”

“You jerk!” Emma finally gasps, reaching forward to gently slap Ruby’s shoulder. “How did you know?”

Ruby shrugs her shoulders like she doesn’t have a care in the world and starts eating a lemon square in replacement of her cereal. “Like, two weeks ago you came stumbling out of your room wearing that old Vanderbilt sweatshirt saying it was David’s. I didn’t think anything of it because, you know, David does collect weird crap like that, but then I was going through videos for a promo and saw a certain Yankees player wearing that exact same sweatshirt. Plus, you’re smiling more, and I definitely saw a hickey on Jones’s neck when we were in Canada.”

Un-freaking-believable.

“So, a hickey and a sweatshirt gave it away?”

“Yep.”

“And you’re not mad at me?” Emma wonders aloud, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth and worrying her lip. “Because it’s okay if you are. I would be mad at me for not telling you that I was dating someone.”

“Oh, for the record, I am pissed,” Ruby huffs, putting the container down to turn toward Emma on the couch, a smile on her face that looks anything but pissed. “You are my best friend in the entire world. I mean, I come into your bedroom at two in the morning to ask you to look at whatever Snapchat video I found, and you don’t blink an eye.”

“That’s because I’m asleep.”

Ruby waves her away. “Whatever. So, yeah, I’m mad but only mad because you didn’t tell me. I’ve been ranting about it to Graham. He kept telling me to be patient and that he’s sure you had your reasons and that you’d tell me eventually, and let me tell you, I could barely resist, especially when you very clearly were not going to your brother’s house last night.”

“Sorry?”

“Sorry?” Ruby groans, leaning forward and burying her face in her hands. “Emma Swan, you’re dating fucking Killian Jones, and all you have to say is sorry?”

“I – ”

“No, no, no,” Ruby interrupts, taking the words out of Emma’s mouth before she can even say them, “don’t apologize. Or, stop apologizing. I want to know how it started, how long it’s been going on, and fuck do I want to know the sex details. I have a whole list of questions I’ve come up with.”

“Do you really?” Emma laughs, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them as the racing of her heartbeat calms down. This is not at all how she was expecting things to go, but life seems to keep surprising. “Okay, so, we’ve been together since the California series at the end of April, but I kissed him, um, a week or so before that.”

“You kissed him?” Ruby squeaks, her jaw dropping open. “Oh shit, did you kiss him after a game?”

Emma nods, a giggle escaping her lips. What the hell was that? “Yeah, against the Sox. But then I flipped out because, one, dating is terrifying, and two, I already get so much sexist shit against me that I didn’t want dating him to be a thing with a capital T. I know you tease me about him asking me out, but you know what happened, what still happens. I’m already not taken seriously, and I couldn’t just start casually making out with Killian Jones.”

“So what? You just started seriously making out with Killian Jones?”

“Pretty much.” “Damn girl,” Ruby drawls out, a smirk painted on her lips. “I knew you had it in you. Is the sex good?”

“Rubes.”

“Come on, Ems,” Ruby begs before leaning forward and grabbing her hands, squeezing so tightly that Emma legitimately may not have bones when she releases. “You’ve hidden this from me. I at least deserve to hear about the sex.”

Emma groans, but she’s still laughing, so very thankful that Ruby stumbled into her life as her producer and ended up being her best friend. How did she ever live before this?

“Okay,” she sighs, shaking Ruby off and straightening her shoulders, “so first of all, you can’t tell anyone. Killian and I have only just agreed to tell the people close to us, and we’re doing all that we can not to let anyone outside of our circles know so that this doesn’t impact my career. That’s kind of been why we didn’t tell you guys besides us just testing the waters of if we’d even work together as a couple.”

“Do you…work together, I mean? You look so happy, but I want to know that you are happy. He may be a professional athlete, but I will kick his ass if he breaks your heart.”

“Yeah, I’m really happy,” she smiles, thoughts of blue eyes and a kind small flashing through her mind. “I have been hurt so badly in the past, and while I don’t know…I mean, that could still happen…I’m happy. I love him.”

Telling Ruby that has her heart beating like a drum in her chest. It’s still so fresh and new and…she can’t quite believe it.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do. He’s – he’s a really good guy, Ruby. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

“Technically, I have met him.” Ruby smiles at her before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Emma in a tight hug, all of the air escaping Emma’s lungs. “I am so happy for you. All I want in life is for Granny and Graham to keep making us food and for you to keep being happy with your handsome baseball player boyfriend. Now, stop avoiding it and tell me about the sex.”

Ruby Lucas is a one of a kind friend.

“It’s really good,” Emma admits, having missed being able to talk about things like this, not that she ever really did with Walsh or Neal. But sometimes. “Like, it took a quick minute for us to get used to each other, and obviously we still have the awkward moments where something cramps or makes a weird noise like normal. But I can laugh during it, you know? And he very much knows what he’s doing. I’m sure at some point we’ll give you some payback so that you have to hear weird noises like I’ve been stuck listening to for so long.”

“Not even going to apologize for any of that. It’s all been totally worth it.” Ruby is practically giddy, and honestly, that’s how Emma feels right now too. “Have you told David yet?”

Okay, maybe a little less giddy now.

“I was going to tell him tonight after I bring Leo home from whatever it isisI’m taking him to do today.”

“Yeah,” Ruby sighs, picking up her lemon square and taking another bite, “I’m going to need to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.”

“That is not happening. What are we watching? I feel like we need some time together to eat junk food and binge watch TV before I go pick up Leo…alone.”

-/-

“You’re dating who now?”

David is standing in front of her with his arms crossed over his chest, a stern look on his face that makes Emma feel like she’s a teenager and not twenty-seven years old. And alsoalsolike David is her father and not her brother, but he’s always kind of toed the line of his relationship with her. She was really hoping for friend David right now.

Like, really hoping.

It’s been a very long day full of waking up early and having to work up the nerves to tell Ruby that she’s dating Killian, which went much more smoothly than she was anticipating. But then all of her nerves disappeared only to show up again on the train ride over to pick up Leo so that she could watch him while Mary Margaret went to work the afternoon summer program that she’s been working. Leo was fine, as he always is, and she thoroughly enjoyed taking him to the park down the street from their house even if it was approximately the temperature of hell outside and then taking him to get ice cream, which was definitely for Leo and not at all for her.

(It was definitely for her and the sweat that was dripping down her back.)

But then she’d brought Leo home, the two of them reveling in the air conditioning, and in had walked David still completely and totally in work mode and asking her all these questions about what segments she’s working on and when she’d be interested in commentating since he’s starting to get that ball rolling. That had inevitably led to them talking about the team’s stats for the year and how things could change but unless something drastic happens, they’re going to make it to the playoffs. And somehow, as always in her life recently, the conversation turned to Killian Jones.

So, naturally, she blurted out that she was dating him since it was only she and David standing in the kitchen, Leo in the living room playing a game on his Xbox with headphones on.

This whole confessing secrets thing isn’t going exactly to plan for her. She wonders how it’s going for Killian. Or if he’s even told anyone. They haven’t had a chance to talk. She tried texting him on the subway, but he didn’t answer.

“Killian Jones,” Emma says calmly (at least that’s how she hopes it sounds) in response to David’s question. It was probably a rhetorical one, especially considering she very clearly told him who she was dating. Sometimes David needs a little push.

“Killian Jones? Starting pitcher for the Yankees, number twenty-nine, asked-you-out-on-live-television Killian Jones?”

Emma nods her head, really wishing that Mary Margaret was here to make David not seem so scary. Mary Margaret would be hugging her and talking about how happy she is and inviting Killian over for dinner so that she could gush about just how much she loves watching him play and how happy he is to be dating Emma.

Yeah, she definitely should have waited on Mary Margaret to get here because Emma is very much a coward right now as if David’s reaction could somehow impact how she feels about Killian.

“When did this happen?”

“End of April.”

“Is he good to you?”

“Yep.”

“Did he force you into this relationship?”

“Yes, David, I’m being held hostage.” He opens his mouth to say something, and Emma reaches forward to slap at his shoulder. “No, you idiot. I asked him out because I wanted to, and it’s worked really well. You don’t have to go all protective brother worrying about me. You know the guy.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what worries me.”

“What worries you? You say nice things about him all the time. I literally see it at the bottom of your emails.”

“That’s as a baseball player, not as your boyfriend.”

“There’s no difference.”

“There’s all the difference in the world!”

“Oh my gosh,” Emma groans, covering her face with her hands. This is definitely much more of what she expected, but she did not think that David was going to go all macho man on her. She thought it would be a little less ridiculous then this. At least he hasn’t “forbade” her from seeing him or something ridiculous like that. “You are being stupid, and I’m not going to listen to it. Does Killian have a past? Yes. And it’s no different than yours or mine except his was extremely public.”

“That is not the tune you were singing after he asked you out.”

“Because I was pissed,” she shouts, only to remember that Leo is just a few feet away. “Because I was pissed,” Emma repeats, whispering this time. “It was embarrassing for me, and I thought it was another case of a man hitting on me because he thought he had a right to me simply because I work on TV. Obviously, it wasn’t a great thing, but believe me, Killian and I have had several talks about it.”

David clicks his tongue, and she might as well sit down and get comfortable for how this conversation is going. “And what’s going to happen when this gets out to the public?”

“It’s not going to.”

The most dramatic sigh in the history of all sighs passes through David’s lips, and while he’s having whatever kind of conniption that he’s having, Emma turns around and grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge. Maybe if she has to pee enough, she can get out of this conversation.

“Emma,” he finally says, the scowl on his lips having turned into the slightest, smallest smile, “I love you, and I love that you are happy. I’m over the moon at that because all I’ve ever wanted for you to be happy, but it’s a little naïve to think that this isn’t going to get out into the public. I know that it’s worked so far, and obviously pretty well, but something – someone – is going to slip up. It might not be for a few months, or maybe another year if you guys are careful, but it’s going to happen. And you’re going to have to know how to deal with that professionally.”

He’s right. Of course he is. He’s always right about these things. David has been around the block a few too many times not to know what he’s talking about. David has dealt with situations just like this, even if it wasn’t her in the situation. He’s seen what happens when a woman in sports broadcasting gets involved with a player and how that impacts the woman’s career, not the man’s. And that’s at the small scale. As much as Emma wishes she and Killian were a small scale, they’re the biggest freaking scale that there is, at least in New York. It’s nine months after the Series, and she still gets stopped on the street, still gets snide comments in the office that are just smart enough not to be reportable to HR, and she still gets asshole baseball players asking why no one on the team is fucking her like just because she’s available and female means that she’s there for one of them to have sex with.

Holy shit.

Panic rises in her throat, the air passageways blocking up, and Emma has to actively tell herself to breathe in and out, to inhale and exhale. Even that is not calming her down, is not calming down the way that her stomach is twistingtwistingand her heart is pounding and holy shit.

Even with all of the careful thoughts and consideration and just how much she thinks about this, she has been so wrapped up in how happy she is and how Killian makes her smile to actively think about the future.

That’s never been her strong suit.

When she looks up at David, she knows that panic is written all across her face, that there are tears filling her eyes, and she knows that it’s those two things that have David’s stern face disappearing into a look of compassion as he moves toward her and wraps her in a hug, his hand cupping the back of her head like he always does. He’s so much bigger than her, always has been, and it’s weirdly comforting how much a hug from someone who can actually hold you is.

“Hey,” he whispers, the hand that’s not cupping the back of her head running up and down her back, “it’s okay, Emma. It’s okay. I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she mumbles into his chest.

“It’s not. You’re a smart girl, smarter than most people I work with every day, and I’m sure that you thought all of this through. I shouldn’t have gotten onto you like that when you were just trying to tell me you were happy. I’m so glad that you’re happy, honey. That is all I’ve ever wanted for you. The same with Mom and Mary Margaret and Leo. We all just want you to be happy, and I will help you stay happy as long as I can and deal with the inevitable assholes when they come.”

Emma nods her head against David, tightening her arms around his waist, and despite the fact that she’s still kind of upset with him for making her feel like this when she’s had a really good few hours, she’s so thankful to finally be open with him again. With Ruby too. It’s been so hard lying to the both of them, and she never wants to do that again even though she knows that she will. It’s in her nature to hide things.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Why don’t you invite Killian over for dinner sometime soon? I want to meet him, officially.”

“What are we talking about in here?” Mary Margaret asks, and the two of them spring back from each other to look at her carrying three paper bags of groceries.

Emma looks over at David as she wipes her eyes, hoping the tears aren’t too awful, and before she can say anything, David speaks, “Emma has a new boyfriend.”

“What?” Mary Margaret gasps, dropping the bags onto the countertop.

“She’s dating Killian Jones.”

“Hey,” Emma laughs, slapping his arm even as she laughs, the change in his tone and the smile on his face lightening her heart.

“David,” Mary Margaret starts, furiously unpacking the bags, “you’re cooking dinner tonight. Emma and I have some things to talk about.”

[artificialqueens]

colour me blue, chapter three (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr: plastiquetiaras) | word count: 2629

But now, Vanessa gets to be part of it, too. She gets to show Brooke her favourite places to eat, her favourite places to go. She can introduce Brooke to her own friends that she’s beginning to reconnect with, bring her to work and get her the friends and family MAC discount because Brooke’s always complaining about the amount of makeup she has to buy for ballet.

She can take Brooke on a date.

That is, if Brooke wants to.

AN: If you’ve made it to this chapter, the epilogue, thank you. This story was a rollercoaster to write, and I am so grateful for all the sweet comments and feedback on it. I dunno if I would delve into subject matter like this one again, but it’s definitely pushed me to follow through on stories and become a stronger writer in the process. Special thanks to barbie and writ for being wonderful cheerleaders with this story, I love you both <33

“Three life sentences later and I’m free!” Vanessa throws her arms up in the air, nearly losing control of the walker that she’s started to need less and less every day.

“Mija, keep your voice down. Everyone in the lobby’s looking over at us.” Vanessa’s mother swats at her arm as they walk out the front doors of the hospital, ones that she’s not going to have to see for a long, long time.

Well, until her next appointment with her cardiologist. But still.

“I can’t. This is some Shawshank Redemption level shit. I’m finally outta here.” Vanessa ducks out of the way when her mom tries to swat at her shoulder again, nearly ramming into Brooke on her other side, who’s trying hard to keep from laughing.

Brooke can’t help it, though, a little giggle escaping from her lips, and Vanessa can’t help but wink back because she’s happy, so happy.

She’s made it through the months of rehab after her transplant, the endless therapy to gain her strength back. Learning to walk again, getting her voice back and stronger than before, being able to do things by herself the way she should be.

Vanessa feels powerful.

Sure, she’s still going to have appointments that she needs to go to, more check ups and physiotherapy to make her body even stronger, but it doesn’t matter. Because finally, finally, she’s going to have more to life than a hospital room.

Vanessa already has, in a way, with Brooke around. Dropping by the rehab unit after her ballet training, telling Vanessa all about how she’s been building her own strength back up, too. Bringing in different snacks each time for the two of them to try together while they binge watch more trash TV. Cheering Vanessa on as she practices walking in physio, as she’s able to do more and more every single day.

But now, Vanessa gets to be part of it, too. She gets to show Brooke her favourite places to eat, her favourite places to go. She can introduce Brooke to her own friends that she’s beginning to reconnect with, bring her to work and get her the friends and family MAC discount because Brooke’s always complaining about the amount of makeup she has to buy for ballet.

She can take Brooke on a date.

That is, if Brooke wants to.

They drop Vanessa’s mom at her house - technically Vanessa’s house too, after she’d had to move back in a couple of months before being admitted to hospital. When she hadn’t been able to clean her apartment anymore, make herself dinner, because she’d become weak and tired before finishing either. When her heart couldn’t take the strain of simple household tasks any longer.

In rehab, she’d practiced cooking again with her occupational therapist, practiced getting dressed on her own. Practiced all the little things that someone should be able to do on their own, abilities that had slipped from Vanessa’s grasp as she had become weaker and weaker. But now? Vanessa’s stronger. She has to take it slow, yes, but she’s getting there. She can do things on her own again.

The prospect of independence makes Vanessa feel limitless. She doesn’t need others to do simple tasks for her anymore. She can take care of herself, hell, she’s been cleared to go back to work. She’s not reliant on anyone anymore, which means that she can move back out again soon, too.

Not that she’s been at her mom’s house in months, what with being in hospital and all. She just doesn’t want to stay, to stagnate.

Brooke looks at Vanessa from the driver’s seat after they drop the hospital bags with Vanessa’s belongings in them in the front entrance. It’s been months since Vanessa’s gotten her heart, months of her getting stronger and stronger and more independent, but Brooke still looks at her with a dusting of awe on her features. Like she can’t quite believe that she’s looking at her, that she’s there.

Brooke’s gazes are always filled with emotions that Vanessa can’t quite decipher, but ones that are enough to make the heat rise to her cheeks, have her heart (her new heart) turn over in her chest. Because there’s so many unsaid things between them, so much that they haven’t talked about because they haven’t had the chance to, but now that Vanessa’s out of the hospital?

They’re going to have the chance, and the time. Endless time, time that had felt like it was being snatched away while Vanessa was in the hospital.

But not anymore.

“So, where do you want to go?”

Brooke’s question makes Vanessa pause. Sure, Brooke’s asking about options for lunch. But the question feels so much deeper, like it could be about everything in Vanessa’s life.

Where is she going to go? What is she going to do?

The possibilities feel endless. She’s going to go back to work because she misses it, being able to put people together with a handful of products. Maybe she’ll start working out again once she gets cleared to do so from her doctor. Maybe she can watch Brooke dance, maybe Brooke can teach her some dance steps herself.

Vanessa’s life isn’t restricted anymore. She can make her own decisions, have the chance to try out different things.

But for now, for the first choice she’s going to make with her newfound freedom?

“Let’s get some Chipotle.”

“Can I look yet?”

“No, no, no, no, no.” Vanessa twirls in place before flopping back on the mattress in front of Brooke, dropping the makeup products in her hands into the bed. “I ain’t done. You still need glitter.”

“Glitter?”

“Yes, glitter. This ain’t gonna be a boring look. Now stay still.”

Brooke raises an eyebrow but acquiesces, letting Vanessa dust her cheek lightly with her finger. Vanessa can feel the familiar routine of doing makeup settle into her bones, make everything feel like it should, the way it used to.

Vanessa’s had a couple of shifts back at work - not too long, only half days to start - but they’ve gone well. She’s able to restock the shelves, do makeup on clients, stay on her feet for hours at a time. Each step she’s able to take feels like she’s dreaming, like she shouldn’t be able to.

But Vanessa is. She finally is.

Brooke had picked her up from work today since she’d had the day off, intent on spending the evening eating comfort food and watching TLC. But then Brooke had seen the coloured liner on Vanessa’s lids, the dark lipstick and she’d brought up the question that she’d asked months and months ago, back when they were both still sharing a hospital room.

You’d said you’d do my makeup one day, remember?

And so Vanessa’s gotten Brooke sitting ever so still on her bed, mapping out her face like a canvas with contour and highlight and cut creases. She feels like she’s on a roll, like she never wants to stop, not when Brooke is her favourite new client. The most beautiful client she’s ever seen, one who still gives Vanessa soft little butterflies in her chest even after months and months of knowing her.

Vanessa brushes some excess setting powder off of Brooke’s cheeks, removes the clips in Brooke’s hair that have been holding her locks out of the way. She can’t help the little noise of excitement that she lets out, poking Brooke’s shoulder until she turns around and faces the mirror.

“Done.”

Brooke opens her eyes and looks in the mirror, and the gasp that leaves her mouth makes Vanessa want to dance around.

“Holy shit, Ness. You’ve made me look good.” Brooke’s turning her face slightly, looking at it from all angles. “How did you give me cheekbones?”

“You’ve always had cheekbones. Real easy to make you look good when the source material is already so beautiful.”

It’s true. Vanessa’s seen Brooke in all sorts of states. In the hospital, makeup free, hair mussed. In her stage makeup, looking like a doll in pointe shoes. Sleepy when she wakes up from a nap, makeup smudged on her face no matter how many times Vanessa tells her to take it off before she passes out. Somehow always perfect.

But Brooke’s cheeks flush crimson at her words just the same, her eyes ducking down. It’s still thrilling somehow, the fact that she’s known Brooke for what feels like ages yet some things still feel so new, so unexplored. Mostly because life had kept them from getting the chance to do so - the hospital stays, the near death moments that took a little bit more precedence over getting to flirt with Brooke the way she wanted to.

But not anymore. And Vanessa’s going to take it.

“Shut up.” Brooke’s cheeks are still pink but Vanessa can see the pleased look in her eyes, the way she keeps glancing up at her reflection.

“Prettier than every single one of those models in the MAC makeup ads.” Vanessa leans on Brooke’s shoulder - not because she’s tired or needs to rest, but because it’s nice. Comfortable.

“Liar.” Brooke’s smile is soft when Vanessa lifts her head back up, and Vanessa realizes how close they’re actually sitting.

Vanessa gives her a cheeky grin back, one that makes Brooke’s smile grow. Vanessa loves the sight. “Never lied in my whole life, Miss B.”

“You lied to your nurse that one time when you hid a bag of potato chips as a snack in your bedsheets.”

Vanessa sticks out her tongue at Brooke, making her crack up. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

Vanessa notices how long Brooke’s eyelashes are when they settle into a silence, when Brooke grabs her hands and starts to draw patterns all over her palms.

“I remember when I’d hold onto your hand when sitting in your room in the ICU, months ago. You wouldn’t squeeze back, asleep and all that. But your hands were still warm. Your pulse was beating by your wrist.” Brooke’s voice is soft and she doesn’t look up, continues tracing along Vanessa’s lifeline, her heartline. “It made me believe that maybe, just maybe, things would be okay. If your body was still fighting that hard to keep going.”

“Can’t keep me down for nothing.” Vanessa puts a finger under Brooke’s chin, lifts her face up to look at her. She can still see the residual haze behind her eyes, made up of the weeks and weeks of uncertainty that they’d both gone through, so close to having everything go wrong, despite the fact that it’s been months since then. Months of Vanessa healing more and more.

The fear is still there.

“I’m still here. And I ain’t going anywhere. Not now, not when I have you.” Vanessa pauses after the words leave her, because-

Does she have Brooke?

Conceptually, Vanessa knows that she does. She knows that Brooke’s become her best friend and favourite person to talk to and spend time with and she never ever wants to lose her, but-

But then Brooke kisses her, grabs her face with both of her hands and her lips are soft, so soft and Vanessa can’t help but gasp when they break the kiss, when Brooke’s forehead is against hers and they’re both trembling slightly.

Vanessa looks up, her lips parting unintentionally and Brooke’s eyes are as wide as hers, her chest rising and falling and she looks like she’s about to apologize, pull back, and Vanessa can’t help but close the distance between them once more.

Kissing Brooke feels like the first time Vanessa had gotten to walk without a walker again. An action so new, so novel, one that makes her pulse race and her head spin, but also one that feels familiar. Like home. Like this is what they’re meant to be doing, what they both deserve. Brooke tightens her arms around her waist, pulls her closer and Vanessa’s never felt like she’s fit anywhere better than within Brooke’s embrace.

Vanessa pulls back and Brooke’s face is lit up brighter than the sun and the little laugh that leaves her is one that feels like a bit of release, one that they’ve both needed for so long. Vanessa almost doesn’t want to let go of Brooke, move farther back from her ever again, because it feels right. Safe. Like home.

Brooke’s her home.

Not the hospital, not her mom’s house. But rather her home is a person, someone who’s taken over her heart despite her objections, who’s been through so much with her.

Vanessa never wants to let her go.

“I wanted to do that for so long.” Brooke whispers the words, as if speaking any louder will break the spell and shatter whatever is keeping them in each other’s grasp.

Vanessa presses a little kiss to the corner of Brooke’s mouth because she can’t help it, can’t keep herself back. “Why didn’t you?”

Brooke shoots her a look. “Why do you think?”

“What, that little hospital stay?” Vanessa waves a hand airily, holds back a laugh when Brooke raises an eyebrow. It’s not joking material yet, not really. But almost.

“I don’t think your old dinky little heart would have survived a kiss from me, do you?” Brooke snickers and Vanessa feels her own mouth drop open.

“As if.” She shoves Brooke’s shoulder but can’t help but giggle too, join in Brooke’s laughter.

“Imagine if I’d kissed you and your heart rate monitor sped up and started beeping faster. That would have been hysterical.” Brooke looks smug, too smug, and Vanessa groans at the thought.

“God, don’t even start. That would have been embarrassing.” Vanessa shudders, then pauses. Because sure, back then, Vanessa would have cared, but…

“Feel it now.” Vanessa grabs Brooke’s hand from where it’s resting on her waist, presses it on her chest.

Above her heart. Her new, working heart that’s beating strong, so strong, pumping blood and oxygen around her body and keeping her alive. Letting her kiss Brooke.

Brooke’s hand is warm under hers, pressing to the side of her breastbone and her lips part, her eyes widening. “It’s fast.”

“All you, baby.”

Now that they’re both out in the open with what they’ve been holding back (Brooke’s kissed her, kissed her), the words feel natural rolling off of Vanessa’s tongue. Like she’s been keeping so many things back from Brooke for her own good but now she can tell her, have her know that she cares.

Vanessa drops her head against Brooke, their hands still pressing above her heart and it feels so right, so perfect. As if today hadn’t been their first kiss but more like their hundredth, as if they’ve been like this forever. She fists her hands in Brooke’s shirt, relishing in how close she is, how she can almost feel Brooke’s breathing.

“I’m glad we’re here now.” Brooke lifts her head up before leaning in to kiss her again but Vanessa pauses, pushes her back slightly.

“Hold up. I know it’s liquid lipstick, but you’re gonna make it smudge. That took real effort.”

Brooke snorts. “Don’t care.”

Vanessa can’t even protest when Brooke leans in again, because the heart beating fast in her chest may not be hers, but it’s strong. It’s showing her that she’s alive, how lucky she is, and how Brooke has captured it and made it hers, one hundred percent. Something Vanessa doesn’t want to change for the world.

Vanessa won’t have to, not when Brooke’s holding her this tight, this close. Not after they’ve both made it through the worst of the worst to get here, coming out the other side with two beating hearts that are in sync, the way they’ll always stay.

[metalzombiemiss]

Secret: Epilogue--Lily & Negan

I promised an epilogue for Lily and Negan and after a million years, I finally finished it.  I’m sorry it took so long!  The end of 2018 and all of 2019 were a major mental struggle for me in all aspects.  But it’s 2020 and I’m starting to feel...more like myself.  I’m feeling happier, healthier, and stable.  (Thanks meds and therapy!)  I’m saying all of that to let you know that, as I get more time throughout the year, I’ll be (hopefully) posting more writing, one shots and hopefully, otherwise.  I hope you’ll all accept me back into your fan fiction world and love me like you did before.  Thanks for your patience.  Love you guys. :)

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“Hey, angel,” Lily smiled as she looked down at baby Alexa.  The 6 month old had started standing up in her crib and insisted on waking them up at the crack of dawn every single day.  “You ready for breakfast?”

Alexa gave her a toothless grin and began giggling as she reached her arms up to be picked up.  Lily picked her up quickly and made a small airplane noise.  Alexa giggled louder at the sound.

“I guess that’s a yes!” Lily exclaimed.

They went downstairs and found Negan already sitting at the island in the kitchen having his morning coffee and toast.  

“There are my girls!  She actually fucking slept until the sun was fully up.  Color me impressed!” he said.

Lily walked over and gave him a kiss.  He kissed Alexa on the forehead and gave her a smile.  He placed her in her high chair and entertained her while Lily got her formula ready.  

“Ya know, you’re eventually gonna have to watch your language around her.  Once she starts talking, she’s going to repeat everything you say.  Not the please and thank you but the fuck and the shit and the cunt.  So, like, we should start being more aware of what we’re saying,” she told him, shaking the bottle of formula and grabbing a small jar of baby food from the fridge.

“Oh come on!” he chuckled, “You know it’s hilarious when babies curse!  Especially if they learn to curse like me!”

Lily rolled her eyes and laughed at her soon-to-be husband, “It’s hilarious but we shouldn’t encourage it.  She’s gonna end up with a mouth like mine when she gets older if we curse like that constantly.”

He waved his hand, “Meh!  It’s fine.  She’ll still be just as much of a lady as you are even with the mouth of a sailor.  Isn’t that right baby?”  He cooed at her and smiled wide.  

“You wanna feed her while I get my own breakfast ready?” Lily asked, handing him the baby food and formula.  

He took them and grinned, “You know I’d be happy to!”

She smiled back at him and gave him a little wink.  “Thank you, baby.  I appreciate your help.”

“I would do anything for you.  You know that,” he told her.

“I know,” she replied, “You’ve proven that time and again.  It’s why I’m marrying you tomorrow.”

“Can you believe it?” he asked, wiping the bit of food that had dropped out of Alexa’s mouth.

“That we’re getting married tomorrow?”

“That you actually said yes to me!” he joked.

“That’s a little surprising too,” she said, “Especially since you asked me while I was in labor.  Weirdo.”

“It seemed like the best time.  You were vulnerable so I knew you’d say yes!” He gave her a huge grin as she laughed loudly.

“You son of a bitch!” She smiled, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Lily, you look stunning,” Rick smiled at her with pride in his eyes.

She smiled back, “Thank you for walking me down the aisle, Rick.  It means so much to me.”

“It’s my pleasure.  I think I’m more amazed with the fact that Negan is the groom.  Things have certainly changed since I first locked him up all those years ago.”

“He’s a different man,” Lily said as she placed the veil on her head, “Still has the same mouth but he’s completely different.”

Rick placed his hands on her shoulders as she looked at herself in the mirror, “He’s different because of you.  You changed him.  And now look at him.  He’s a father and he’s about to be a husband.  He’s not the same man he was when I…”

Lily looked up at him through the mirror, “Cut his throat?  No, he’s not.  You did the right thing, Rick.  I promise.”  She rested her hand on his.

“Thank you for coming here, Lily,” he said, “You helped change Alexandria for the better.”

She smiled softly, “Thank you for taking me in.  You gave me a life and a home.  And a husband…”

“Are you ready?” he asked, squeezing her shoulders lightly.

She nodded, “Let’s do this.”

They walked out of the bedroom together and headed down the stairs.  Lily took a deep breath as they turned the staircase to go to the backyard.  She could see purple and silver strewn across the entire yard.  She grabbed the bouquet that Michonne had helped her make and held onto Rick’s arm tightly.  The butterflies in her stomach were dancing wildly as she heard the music begin.  The door opened and she looked up to see Negan in his suit.  She could see the smile growing across his face and the tears forming in his eyes.  She fought back her own tears, smiling back at him.  Lily’s dress glimmered slightly in the sunlight.  She still couldn’t believe Maggie was able to find so many crystals to help make it.  With the help of Maggie, Michonne, and Enid, they managed to create an incredible purple wedding gown.  

“Who gives this young woman away?” Gabriel asked.

“I do,” Rick replied, holding back tears.

Negan smiled and wiped away tears, “You look fucking gorgeous, baby.”

She giggled and felt herself blush, “Stop it…”

“Get used to it,” he grinned.

“Lily and Negan have asked me to keep this short and sweet out of courtesy to all of you since it is still so incredibly hot in the middle of October.  And I can’t say I disagree with them!”  The crowd laughed quietly.  “Many of us knew Negan long before Lily came along and, well, I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we never saw this coming.  Lily came to our community half-starved and dehydrated.  We brought her in and gave her a life.  In the process, she gave Negan a life.  She gave Negan more of a purpose.  She gave Negan a heart again.  And now, we have a new family here in Alexandria.  We have an amazing doctor and an incredible carpenter.  We are grateful to have you here.  And we are grateful to see this union occur.  I believe they have their own vows to share.  Lily?”

“When we met, I never thought in a million years I’d ever care for you the way that I do now.  I certainly never thought we would be parents to our beautiful daughter.  You have changed my life in a way I never thought possible.  Thank you for shoving your way in and forcing me to see that I am worthy of love and happiness.  You are the greatest thing to happen to me.  I love you, Negan.”

She could hear the soft sniffles of people crying.

“Negan?” Gabriel said.

“I don’t know where to start, Lily.  I was broken when we met.  I was stuck in a cell because I didn’t know how to be a normal human being.  You showed up and changed everything for me.  You changed me.  You helped me see that I’m more than who I was.  That what I did in the past doesn’t need to define who I am now.  You showed me friendship and most of all, you showed me love.  You showed me that I can love and that I’m allowed to be loved.  Lilith, thank you for giving me a chance to show you love and give you everything that I can.  I love you.”

She fought back her tears as she smiled wide.  

“May I have the rings please?” Gabriel asked.  Carl came up and handed him the wedding bands.  “Negan, do you take Lily as your wife?”

“I do.”

“Lily, do you take Negan as your husband?”

“I do.”

They slid the rings on each other’s fingers.  “I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss the bride.”

Negan took Lily into his arms and dipped her.  She laughed as he kissed her deeply.  Everyone stood up and began cheering.  He brought her back up to standing and gave her one last kiss.  “I love you,” he whispered.

They practically skipped down the aisle as people continued to clap.  They rushed inside and hugged tightly.  “We’re married!!!” She shouted.

“You’re my fucking wife.  Holy shit!” he picked her up and spun her around.  Her laugh echoed through the hallway.  He set her down and looked into her eyes.  “You’re my wife…”

“And you’re my husband.”  She pulled his head down and kissed him.  Her tongue slowly slipped through his lips.  

He pulled away, “Baby, we got a reception to go to.  Save that energy for later.”

She groaned, “Fiiiiine.  You just look so fucking sexy right now…”

“And I absolutely can’t wait to get this dress off of you.  But we should probably go entertain our guests.”

“Okay, okay,” she kissed him softly, “Let’s go.”

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“That was a great party!” a very drunken Rick came over to the newlyweds and hugged them.

Negan and Lily laughed as they hugged him back.  “Thanks, Ricky-boy!  Glad you had a great time!” Negan, also drunk, pat him on the back.  “Never thought we’d get here, did ya?”

Rick pulled away and smiled, “I sure didn’t, Negan.  I sure fucking didn’t.  But here we are.”

Lily smiled, “I’m glad you finally see what I see, Rick.  People can change if they really want to.”

“They can,” Rick agreed, “Go enjoy your night.  Michonne and I will take good care of the baby.  I promise.”

“Thanks, Rick,” Negan said.  He looked at Lily and smiled, “Well, I’m ready to take my beautiful wife home.”

“Let’s go then.  I’m ready to go home with my handsome husband.”

“Let’s consummate this thing, baby!” Negan picked her up and carried her up to the front door of their home.  Lily tried to stifle her laughter.

As their bodies intertwined in passion, Lily finally let go of everything.  Every worry, every insecurity, every bit of sadness.  Nothing could take away what she had with Negan.  She finally realized that she is worthy of every bit of love he gave her and that she was finally able to actually love someone without walls around her heart.

The End

[dopescotlandwarrior]

West Bound

Claire Beauchamp is leaving Boston and moving her surgical practice and horses to Arizona. Jamie Fraser is a world-class champion who leads Claire back to a passion she gave up when the wrong man said I love you. Trouble finds Claire in the cut-throat, competitive sport of the equestrian but she has Jamie, Angus, and Rupert behind her.

AO3

Ch-2   Ch-3   Ch-4   Ch-5   Ch-6   Ch-7   Ch-8 

Chapter One

Driving across the country alone can be daunting, especially if you are a young woman alone, pulling two horses. When Claire decided to escape Boston and move out west she planned meticulously, analyzed her vehicle and trailer options, and found the most suitable barn once she arrived. She sold her brownstone fully furnished. The only possessions going with her were her clothes, tack, and horses. She also purchased a new cowboy hat and a new pair of sexy sunglasses. She looked at her tight jeans and western shirt, put her hat and glasses on, and decided by the time she reached Arizona they would feel like a second skin. She still had trouble walking in anything less than a three-inch heel but that would come with practice.

Yesterday she turned the keys of her surgical practice over to the new owners without a second thought. Same with closing on her home last week for a cool 1.8 million cash. There was no sentimental pull or sadness. She felt utterly detached from her home of twenty-five years. Whatever made her feel so cold inside she hoped would be cured in Arizona. The last item on her list was to load the horses and get on the road. It was four o’clock in the morning.

Claire carried her grooming and wrapping bucket into the first stall and was greeted with a horse hug from Fred. She paused and hugged him coo’ing about their adventure. Fifteen minutes later she got the same hug from Ginger and got busy brushing, braiding, and wrapping tail and legs. “Don’t you two look fancy!” She led Fred to the trailer and walked him up the ramp and snapped him in. He was overjoyed at the heap of hay in the feeder and started eating. Next came Ginger up the ramp, a little more nervous but Claire was gentle and reassuring. With everything stowed Claire pulled out of the stables for the last time.

She loved this truck, a full-sized Ram with a matching trailer. The luxury interior package included ergonomic seats, blue tooth in the steering wheel, navigation, rear video, interior trailer video, and a bunch of stuff she had not found yet. All on voice command. “Change to interior video.” Claire watched Fred and Ginger munch on their breakfast. “You guys look happy. Here we go.”

She would drive for twelve hours stopping for 30 minutes to let the horses out at mid-day. She had reservations for each night at a B&B that also rented stalls and came recommended by her equestrian association for safety. Fred and Ginger were very special horses that were trained for therapy. Chosen for their docile and loving nature they were among the first group of horses trained at the equestrian therapeutics Institute. “And I’m taking them to Arizona,” she said with a giggle.

Claire had romanticized the first sunrise of her new life seeing the light coming up on a sleeping city as she barreled down the freeway. Reality is sometimes disappointing as commuters swarmed her on all four sides making her head whip between her mirrors and the video trying to negotiate each lane change. She saw her exit coming up fast and had two death-defying lanes to cross and no friendly commuters to allow her to move over. She was covered in sweat but made the exit and took a deep calming breath. “Holy shit.”

The drive became much easier once she was out of commuter traffic. She set the cruise control, popped in a CD and opened her window. “interior video,” all she saw was horse teeth as Ginger was tasting the little camera above her head. “What a goofball.”

Claire gripped the steering wheel when she pulled into the B&B. She was so tired she almost fell out of the truck when the door opened. She hurried to register and get the horses out of the trailer. It was a beautiful property with ample outdoor lighting. The owners offered her use of the arena and Claire was grateful. Once both were inside she closed the gate and clapped her hands sending them both speeding, bucking, and snorting around the large arena. Claire laughed at the high tails and swinging heads, pure horse happiness after a long stressful day. Ginger loped up to her and spread frothy goobers down her face. “Ew, Jesus Ginger!”

Once Fred and Ginger were safe in their stalls with food and water Claire got to her room, grabbed a robe and towel and headed for a hot shower. The soap smelled heavenly, the water was soft and Claire started to relax. Then the lights went out and the water turned ice cold. She shrieked trying to find the faucets in the dark to turn the water off. Groping for the towel, then her robe, then the door handle. She saw little emergency lights along the hall. Thank God she thought as she shivered down the hall looking for her room. She bumped into the manager in the hall and he used a flashlight to help her find her room. He pointed to a battery-operated light on the desk and she had enough light to find the bed. Fatigue pulled her to a blissfully dreamless sleep. At three o’clock in the morning, the power came back on and her room lit up with multiple lamps. She turned them off quickly and jumped back in bed squeezing her eyes shut and waiting. “Damn it! I really need a few more hours,” she whined.

The safety locks snapped down on the trailer doors, horses were brushed and re-wrapped and the Dodge roared to life. Claire was tired but anxious to put another two states behind her. She had one hour of unimpeded travel before the swarms of commuters came from all directions. Traffic slowed to a crawl for ten miles and finally opened up for normal speeds. She set the cruise, turned up the music, opened her window and felt the first pang of…what? Loneliness, sadness, loss, yearning? She couldn’t decide so she turned the music up louder, checked the video, and pushed the petal. Why not? She never had a speeding ticket in her twenty-five years. She was due. She set the cruise at 75 and sang to the music. She felt absolutely wicked speeding down the highway and hadn’t noticed the speed limit postings were 75 MPH.

Another B&B, another early rise to load the horses and another long highway stretched before her. She saw the signs to Phoenix on the fourth day and let out a whoop! Followed by Fred kicking the trailer sides in protest. She turned the interior video on and blew kisses to her favorite couple. “We are almost home you guys!”

Mid-afternoon she followed the exit to Mesa and headed East. Traffic was light and she looked at the buildings along the highway. She wondered if she would travel this highway a lot in the future. She flew through Mesa and finally saw her exit to Ironwood Drive. Her navigation turned her North for seven miles. She was so ready to put the horses up in their new home and then find a hotel for the night. This was the only night she didn’t prebook because she could easily find lodging for herself. She decided to find something with a huge bathtub and a full room service menu. She couldn’t wait.

She drove into the foothills and gasped at the sight in the rearview mirror. The valley floor spread out beneath her and she wondered what that must look like at night. There was desert all around her, exotic and beautiful. Tall Saguaro cactus loomed above her showing two and three arms raised in greeting she thought. Her heart was pounding as she turned into Fraser Equestrian. The place took her breath away and she stopped to just look at the multiple paddocks and pastures, deep green against the desert brown. New foals were sticking close to their mothers, and horses in the adjoining pen straining to see and smell. She pulled up the long drive and pulled next to the main barn. It was white with forest green trim and she counted twenty stall doors along one side with horses peering out half doors to look at her. It was glorious and a fitting home for Fred and Ginger.

“Good afternoon!” Claire turned to see two men walking toward her. They offered their hand to her and she shook them smiling.

“I am Claire Beauchamp, I have rented two stalls for my guys here.” They looked at the two rumps in the trailer and smiled.

“I’m Rupert and this is Angus. C’mon lets see where Jaime has put ya.” Claire followed. She spoke to Jaime Fraser on the phone from Boston and thought him friendly but a bit aloof. The bur from these two men sounded like him, so they were probably from the same area of Scotland. They walked the length of the barn without finding Jaime. The large board near the office had her name on two stalls where she was escorted.

“No, this is not what we agreed to! I rented two stalls that had doors to the outside, not interior stalls, and they have to be together.” Claire was overtired and getting upset. She wanted to be friendly but she just didn’t have it in her. Rupert suggested putting the horses up for the night and Jaime would figure it out tomorrow. Claire was too tired to argue and went to fetch Fred and Ginger from the trailer. Rupert watched her walk away with interest. He whistled low, appreciating the tight jeans, long legs, and champion ass.

“Can I help ye lass?” Claire gratefully accepted Rupert’s offer to lead Ginger to her stall.

“We can feed them tonight, what do they get?” Claire eased Fred down the ramp.

“They both get two flakes and a scoop of grain” she called. Rupert walked in a zigzag and noticed Ginger’s nose stayed three inches from his right shoulder. “Yer a good lassie, aye?”

When Claire walked Fred into his stall there was already grain and hay waiting for him. She leaned against him and dropped her head on his back. He moved into her and waited like he would with a child or challenged adult.

“I love you, Fred.”

Claire pulled out of the equestrian center and asked Siri for the closest hotel. The fourth motel Siri directed her to was as run down and frightening as the first three. Her fatigue was mounting and she did not know what to do. It was late and she just couldn’t drive anymore. She headed back to the center and curled up in the corner of Fred’s stall with a blanket. The wood chips smelled new and she was out in seconds. She dreamed of dancing with him in his shiny shoes and impeccable suit. He expertly twirled her around the dance floor. She felt graceful and adored, with her skirt flowed up her legs as he spun her.

“Hey!”

Claire’s head snapped up and she saw Fred startle at the loud noise. She tried to focus at the man coming into Fred’s stall.

“C’mon lass, this is no place to sleep, for a human anyway. Are ye doctor Beauchamp?”

Claire shook her head and blinked hard. Too many nights with little sleep made her groggy and weak. She stood up holding her blanket in front of her. She looked like a scared little girl and her first step pitched her forward landing in strong warm arms. She looked up at the face attached to those arms. “Wow,” came as a whisper followed by her hand clamped tight against her mouth.

“I, I’m sorry, yes I’m Dr. Beauchamp and this is Fred who is my horse and I couldn’t find a suitable hotel and Fred said I could bunk with him tonight.” Her last sentence was an effort to speak and she looked back at the corner she slept in and started moving toward it. Those annoying arms stopped her and she looked at him sharply.

“Alright lass, ye sleepin on my couch tonight.” He pulled her along and closed the stall taking her blanket. He stopped to make a note on the board and Claire sunk into a corner and closed her eyes. She was asleep before he turned around.

“Wait just a second lass, ye canna sleep there either.” He pulled Claire to her feet among strong protests and guided her out of the barn and into his golf cart.

“I’ll have ye wrapped and snug in two minutes Dr. Beauchamp.” He drove toward the house and felt her head come down on his shoulder. She was unconscious and Jaime chuckled.

“You musta left Boston with the devil chasin ye lass.” The house was set away from the center on a beautiful lawn of green grass with lights along the tiered walkway. He lifted Claire against his chest and carried her into the house. He pulled the blanket up to her chin and she snuggled down into it. “Thank you, mister, um, mister.” Jaime smiled at her. Noticing her long black hair tangled into her fingers he pulled her hand away and gently pulled the hair out.

“Well then, you’re a beautiful girl doctor Beauchamp, alone in the Arizona desert. What has someone done to make ye run so far?” Jaime estimated her sleep deprivation would keep her down at least until he woke up with the dawn. He climbed the wide circular staircase pulling off his shirt as he walked into his bathroom. He stripped the rest of the way and turned the knobs that shot warm water out of three heads. He stood still and let the hot water release his muscles and back. He thought about that beautiful face asleep on his couch. A doctor from Boston. He was very intrigued. He slipped into sweats and a t-shirt and stood at the railing of his upstairs loft looking down at her. He eventually dropped his body into his king-sized bed and barely threw the quilt up before he passed out.

Claire’s eyes popped open at five o’clock in the morning. Her surroundings confused her at first and then she remembered the owner catching her asleep in Fred’s stall. “I am an idiot,” she said quietly. She folded the extra blanket and pulled out a note pad from her purse to say thank you. Then she crept quietly to the door to slip out but the open door tripped the alarm bells which were loud enough to wake the dead, and Fraser, who flew down the stairs and punched in the code for quiet.

“Jesus H Roosevelt Christ! I am so sorry Mr. Fraser, I didn’t think, I didn’t want, …” Claire hoped she would evaporate in her misery but she was still there. She just looked down and shook her head.

Jaime took the opportunity to notice her long legs, long arms, and long hair, then looked up to her eyes as she lifted her head. He was stuck and staring at the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen. They were the color of good whiskey and rimmed with dark brown making them look beautiful and exotic. He recovered quickly and tried to make Claire feel better.

“Tis fine lass had to get up now anyway. Would you like some coffee before you leave?” Take the coffee, please, he thought. I like lookin at ye and yer too rattled to drive.

“Another time perhaps, I’m sorry about the alarm and thank you for the rescue last night. Goodbye, Mr. Fraser.”

Jaime chuckled, at the slamming door. He watched her run for the barn and admired the backside of her not seen before. Her application to rent two stalls described her horses as therapeutic and gave impressive training credentials. It would be a pleasant change to have a nice lady doctor with docile horses for a change. He was sick of the cut-throat competition equestrians inspired, including his girlfriend. He picked up his cell phone. “Laoghaire my darlin where ye been? Ye have a show this weekend and ye horse needs some work. Call me.” He dropped the phone thinking about his blonde lass with cherry cheeks and a body to stop a mack truck. Put her in a tight riding jacket and the judges soon forget why they were there. It’s a good thing, she hasn’t been able to ride out of a paper bag lately.

[etherealhood]

Lighthouse - Part Two

author: @etherealhood

word count: 10,470

warnings: nsfw 18+, smut, unprotected sex, fingering, make-out in the on-call room, mention of cancer

a/n: and here is chapter two! holy shit thank you for the feedback and all the kind words on part one! it means the world to me that you all are just as excited for the rest of the series as i am! this is real long and steamy so enjoy!!

pairing: neurosurgeon!calum x pediatric/neonatal!surgon reader

As you looked down at the charts in your hands, you walked into the patient’s room. Looking up, you saw the little boy sitting in the bed and his parents sitting in the chairs next to him. With a smile, you greeted them. “Hey, everybody! How’re we doing tonight?” You asked, setting the grey charting folder on the bedside table as you stood at the little boy’s bedside. “Tyler, how you doing, bud?”

Tyler, your patient, sat in the bed, tapping away at a tablet in his hands. “I’m great, Doctor Y/L/N!” He smiled brightly, still looking kind of tired as he did so. “I’m winning the game! Look! I never win!” He told you excitedly.

“You’re kidding!” You exclaimed happily, looking over his shoulder to see the game he was playing. All the time that you’ve spent with Tyler this past month has given you a bit of a knack for knowing the latest games and how to play. “There’s someone behind you, I can hear footsteps.” You told him.

His character turned around and shot the remaining player, winning the match he played. He laughed in surprise, clearly excited about winning in the game for the first time. He turned to look up at you, seeing as you held up your hand in a high-five. “I can’t believe I just saw that! Congrats, Tyler.” You say, praising him.

Looking to his parents, you notice the small smiles on their faces as they watch their son. It’s rare for you to see a parent smile in what you do. Watching your child go through something so painful hurts more than anything, as you know to some degree. So seeing your patient’s parents smile always made your heart swell.

Especially parents that had kids with tumors or cancer. Tyler had what was called a pediatric ependymoma, in which the tissues of his spinal cord and brain were being damaged by cancerous cells. The doctors working on the case had caught it early on, so thankfully he was still in the early stages of the disease. However, it was rapidly growing and he was required surgery to remove the problem.

Since Tyler was a child, he fell under your specialty, but his condition was also neurological, so you’d been working with the attending neurosurgeon, Calum Hood. Truthfully, you didn’t mind working with him. Although you were both headstrong and that trait caused you to butt heads all the time, you worked together perfectly. In the years that’s you’d been a doctor, you’ve never worked as well with someone as you have with Calum.

Over the four months that you’d been working at the hospital, you had grown a lot closer to Calum. Since you were two of the only single people in the group, you spent most of your time together both at and outside of the hospital. Most nights you got off, you and Calum would go to the bar down the street and have dinner or go to one of your apartments and just hangout there. At the hospital, you and Calum had lunch together when you weren’t eating with Marie and Aerielle, which wasn’t very often, but frequent enough to be considered good friends.

“So, Tyler, hate to bring down the mood, but I’ve gotta take-”

“Vitals, I know.” He sighed as he nodded, sitting up straighter so you could take his heartbeat. “Are you going home after this?” He asked as you grabbed your stethoscope and put it in your ears.

“No, I’ll be here a while, lil dude.” You told him, putting the chest piece over his lungs, telling him to take deep breaths. “So whatever you need throughout the night, just press the button on the remote and I’ll be there. Another deep breath for me, Tyler.”

You finished up the vitals and started writing things down in his charts. You sat in a chair as Tyler told you about him and Michael playing a couple games the other night. Eventually, Tyler’s parents started telling you about they’d gotten the physical therapist to start working with Tyler and what he’d been doing with the therapist, who was recommended to them by Calum. Because of Tyler’s tumor being in his spine, he was likely to lose motor functions and it was the goal to keep that from happening too soon.

Said man walked into the room, knocking two of his knuckles on the door as he stood in the threshold. Everyone in the room looked to see him with a smile as he came further into the room. “Hey, everyone. How are we doing this evening?”

“We were just talking about the therapy you recommended for Tyler.” The little boy’s mother explained to the neurosurgeon.

Calum nodded in understanding as he looked at the monitor screen, making sure everything looked okay. “How’s that been going?” He asked. You stood from your seat and pushed the chair out of the way, as you knew that Calum coming into the room meant he was getting you so you two could eat together.

“The therapist said Tyler’s been doing good, that they don’t usually see such motor function in children with his condition.” Tyler’s father told Calum, smiling at his little boy.

“That’s great!” The doctor grinned down at his patient, giving him a thumbs up. “When we get you out of surgery in a few weeks, you’ll be doing even better.” Calum promised.

You smiled as you watched your friend interact so casually with the child you’d grown fond of over the time you’ve worked with him. If you weren’t with Tyler, then Calum was usually nearby, making sure that the child got everything he needed to be comfortable. Calum didn’t get very many child patients, so when he did, he always made sure to make them as comfortable and unafraid as he could.

Looking down at your watch, you saw that it was approaching ten o’clock and you still hadn’t eaten. Your stomach was starting to rumble as you thought of what the cafeteria might have tonight. You smiled at everyone in the room, informing of them of your departure. “Well, I’ve been here for a while now, so I’m gonna get going, but I’ll be back in about two hours to make sure you’re doing alright. Sound good?”

Tyler shrugged. “You know, I’m getting tired of you always waking me up in the middle of the night.”

You giggled at the child’s statement, nodding in agreement. “I could say the same for you, bud. We’re gonna let you get some rest for now, so we’ll be on our way.”

“Thanks, Doctor Y/L/N and Doctor Hood.” Tyler said to you and your colleague. You and Calum looked at each other briefly, sharing the common thought of how much you both adored the sweet boy.

“Goodnight, Tyler. Mister and Missus Watts.” You nodded in farewell to each of the family’s members before walking out with Calum right behind you, his hands in the pockets of his white coat.

As soon as you stepped further out into hall, you let out a deep, solemn sigh. Calum’s face softened as he tilted his head slightly. “You okay?” He asked, knowing what was bothering you already.

“Yeah, he just, reminds me of what I could’ve had, you know? He’s just such a pure and sweet kid.” You told him as you walked down the hospital hallway with your arms crossed over your chest. “Wish I got to know mine.” You mumbled quietly. Calum felt his chest tighten as you brought up your child.

After a while of being friends with Calum, you explained what you’d gone through in the last two years to him. Since you were so close, you felt inclined and comfortable enough to tell him about your harder times in life. You told him about the loss of your son and the divorce in full detail. It was nice, because you hadn’t for a long time, had someone who didn’t understand what you had gone through, but would just listen to what you need to get all out when it came to your past.

Calum wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side so you could lean your head on his shoulder. “I know you do, love.” He whispered, kissing your right temple softly as you two continued down the hall.

Taking the elevator, you two rode down to the cafeteria together, talking about what you were both up to tonight. Calum and you were going to both be at the hospital until tomorrow morning, so it was kind of a relief that you’d get to see each other throughout the night.

You both entered the not so busy cafeteria, going your separate ways to grab what you wanted to eat, before finding a table in the corner to sit at. You sipped some of your water after you bite into the sandwich you bought. You and Calum started talking about the day and patients you had or things you’d heard from other people all day long. It was the kind of conversation that just flowed and you didn’t feel the need to make an effort.

From across the cafeteria, two of your friends watched you interact with Calum. Ashton and Marie were sitting together, discussing their wedding plans when they saw you and Calum sit down together. You laughed at something the Maori man was saying as you put a chip in your mouth, trying to hold back from laughing harder.

Marie beamed as she saw you smile and laugh. Knowing that your life had been rough for the last couple of years brought her to great sorrow, because all she ever wanted for you, one of her greatest friends, was happiness and a good life. You deserved to be happy and she thought that your kind heart always deserved great things. She always felt it was unfair that you were given the cards life dealt you.

Seeing you so happy and so comfortable with being yourself again after so long of just being stuck in your grief, was something she’d been waiting for. Marie knew you moving down fo California, being around your long-time friends would be good for you and she was so happy when Ashton told her that you decided to take up his offer of being the head of your speciality at Crossroads General. Albeit, she’d rather have heard it from you than from her fiancé, she was ecstatic for your arrival.

As the couple watched you with Calum, Marie couldn’t help the concern she had for you. She knew that you and him were great friends and he was a big part of the reason you were back on your feet again, but she was still worried. She loved Calum like family, she really did, but she knew how he was: he slept with someone and always left it at just sex, not making an effort to really care about what happened afterwards.

She knew that he was a good man and that he wouldn’t dare hurt you, but she had this fear that you and Calum would get involved sexually and that would cause you to fall back down a few steps from all the progress you made. It was very clear that you two liked each other and it was even cleared that there was some kind of chemistry between you two. Marie didn’t understand it, but she saw it every time you were with him. The way you two fit together was perfect and she would’ve had to have been dumb to not see the possibility of something happening between you two.

Marie knew it was absolutely none of her business what you and Calum did, but you were her best friend, someone she’d considered a sister. All she wanted was you to have the best life you could. More than anything in the world, she wanted that. She wanted you to be happy and she felt terrible for thinking that getting with him could be detrimental to your well being.

Marie placed her small hand over one of Ashton’s, causing him to stop talking and slightly tilt his head as he looked at her. “What’s wrong, babe?” He asked, pulling the wrapper off him muffin.

“Calum and Y/N.” She nodded towards you two, causing her fiancé to look at you table. He saw you nodding along to what the neurosurgeon was saying as you bit into your sandwich.

“Yeah, what about them?” He asked, eating his blueberry muffin.

Marie sighed and shook her head. “I love Calum, I really do. But Y/N, she can’t be hooking up with him. I mean, you were there in the hospital after her and Cyrus… you know?” She said softly.

“Yeah, I know.” Ashton nodded, his voice low as sadness crept into him at the memory of that terrible phone call. After getting the news, Ashton, Marie, and Aerielle went up to Seattle and stayed for a couple days to help the struggling couple out. They stayed at the hospital with you and Cyrus, just trying to be a support system.

“It was rough on her. These whole two years have been hard for her and she’s just barely getting back to who she was and I don’t want Calum ruining it.” Marie looked to her green-eyed man, her dark brown eyes meeting his. “I think you need to tell him to make sure that nothing happens between them.”

“What? Why me?”

“Because you’re his best friend and he’ll listen to you.” Marie argued. “He won’t take it seriously if I tell him to back off. Besides, it would be weird.”

“Alright, fine.” Ashton sighed, knowing he couldn’t even put up much of a fight with his partner. She smiled and kissed his cheek, causing him to smile softly. “You’re lucky I’m so in love with you.”

Marie laughed at her fiancé, “I know I am.”

A few days later, Ashton found Calum coming out of an elevator, looking down at his phone as he walked out. Ashton hurried to finish writing something on the papers he was working on before unclicking his pen and shoving it in the chest pocket of his white coat. He closed the file and put it on the cart before quickly jogging towards his friend.

Calum looked upon hearing the sounds of footsteps hitting the linoleum hospital floors. He turned to see his best friend coming towards him, he furrowed his brows but put out his fiat for Ashton to bump. “What’s up, Ash?”

“I need to talk to you.”

Calum’s confusion only increased. “About what?”

“Y/N.”

It was weird how both bewilderment and fondness grew in him upon the mention of your name. He had no idea why Ashton would want to talk about you with him, but he was also jumping at the opportunity to talk about you. With an even more puzzled expression, the neurosurgeon shook his head. “What about Y/N?”

“Well, I have some concerns.” Ashton scratched the back of his neck, his fingertips grazing over the California condor tattoo he had. “So Marie and I were talking-”

“That’s never good.” Calum sighed, having a feeling he knew what was coming.

“No, it’s not bad.” Ashton explained. “We’re happy that she seems to be taking in to California and the hospital so well. It’s been rough for her these last few years, things I don’t want to get into because it’s none of my business.”

Calum shrugged as they turned down a hall, leading to the nurse’s station in the surgery wing of the hospital. “I already know about everything. The baby, her ex-husband.”

Ashton stopped in his place, causing his friend to do the same. “Then you know that it broke her to go through all of that. That her losing her son and her husband is why she’s down here, why she is the way she is.”

“What are you getting at, Irwin?”

“Don’t sleep with her, Calum.” Ashton blurted out, feeling a little bad about just coming out with it, but he needed to say it and he couldn’t keep beating around the bush.

“I don’t plan on sleeping with her!” Calum exclaimed as threw his hands up in the air, anger growing in him at the conversation. Nearby people looked at the two men, giving them weird looks. Calum winced at the attention he didn’t mean to grab before quieting his voice and turning back to the Chief of Surgery. “I don’t plan on sleeping with Y/N. It’s not like that.”

“Well make sure it stays like that.” Ashton told him with a bit more authority. “It’s not just Marie who feels this way, I do, too. Y/N, isn’t just a friend, she’s family and I don't want to see her get hurt.”

“I’d never hurt her.” Calum mumbled and looked down at his shoes, knowing where Ashton was coming from. It still made him angry, but he understood. As much as he cared for Y/N, as much as he might’ve been so enamored by her when he first met her, she was his friend first. She was his best friend first. It blew him away how she’d so quickly became one of his best friends. As his closest friend, he would do anything to make sure she was okay and that she was happy.

He wasn’t blind to why Marie and Ashton may have felt the need to say something. He knew that he had this reputation for sleeping around, and he understood that the fear of him hurting their friend stemmed from that quality of his. As he thought over it a little bit more, he realized that he wasn’t mad, he truly wasn’t. He was just frustrated. He thought that he was good at showing that for him, Y/N came before any sexual urge he might’ve had.

“I won’t sleep with her, you have my word.” He muttered as he nodded in agreement. “She’s just a friend. We done here? I have a surgery to get to.”

Ashton sighed as he realized that he had upset his friend before he nodded. “Yeah, we’re done here.” He said and with that watched Calum walk towards the operating rooms. Ashton shook his head and turned to go to his office.

-

“He’s getting worse, Y/N!”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, biting your lip as to keep from saying something rude to your partner. “You think I don’t understand that, Calum?” You exclaimed, looking up at him dead in the eyes, noticing how he looked just as upset as you did. You felt bad for thinking that he looked so good when he was angry, the way his face scrunched up with the need to win the argument. His jawline beautifully defined as he clenched his jaw. His eyes darkened with irritation.

Calum was thinking the same thing as you two struggled with your opinions. He watched as you continuously licked your lip before you spoke, watched as you pulled it between your teeth. Today was one of the few days that you wore your hair down, since you hadn’t had any scheduled surgeries. So your hair flowed over your shoulders, your fingers going to run through it when you got upset.

It’d been a couple weeks since Calum and Ashton had the conversation about you being off limits to Calum. Ever since that day, he’d been looking at you different. Instead of looking you in the eyes when you were talking, he’d looking at your lips, wondering what they would feel like against his, what they would taste like. When he did look into your stunning eyes, his chest tightened because they somehow had this kind of magic that lit up the whole entire room. Whenever you smiled, he found himself smiling because more often than not, he was the cause of the lovely sight.

Whenever you two were sitting together at lunch, he watched you intently and hung onto every word of yours as you talked passionately about your day in the hospital or something totally unrelated. Whenever he saw your favorite color, he thought of you. He had no doubt that he was into you, especially when the sexual thoughts crept into his mind at the most inconvenient times ever.

The other day, he walked in on you in the supply room, grabbing things for a patient just as you bent over, your perfect ass right in front of him. It was ridiculous that he felt himself get hard just at the sight of your scrub pants tightening around your bottom. The other day, he went to grab something from his locker in the locker room, but you were in there the room, you pulling off your shirt, leaving your beautiful breasts in hey your bra. With a quick moment of his eyes trailing over you, he hurried out of the room. You often pushed your hair over your shoulder when you wanted it out of your face, leaving your neck exposed. He would look at your smooth skin and think about how perfect you'd look if his mouth left purple love bites on your throat.

It was safe to say that, without really knowing it, Calum Hood was falling in love with you.

The neurosurgeon scoffed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head with sneer as he put his hands on his hips. “Well, you seem pretty keen on not doing surgery. You’re a surgeon, this is what we do.”

“I know! But the tumor is in a tricky spot, if you make even one wrong move, he won’t have any muscle movement for the rest of his life.” You argued, eyebrows furrowed as you explained what you should do for Tyler’s treatment plan. Calum believed that he could do the surgery, even with the tumor being in such a terrible place, but you knew the risks and that the risks with this form of treatment almost seemed to outweigh the benefits.

As you two were walking in the hallway when you came back from lunch, you started discussing your mutual patient’s treatment. Unfortunately, you two didn’t agree, which led to the hushed argument. One of Ashton’s first rules in the hospital was to have quiet arguments to keep from disturbing any patients.

“I’m a neurosurgeon! My whole job is one big risk.” Calum threw his arms in the air, exasperated at the fact that this was even being argued. He was the attending neurosurgeon, which meant he was damn good at his job. This was one of the best hospitals in the country with some of the best teaching doctors and best surgeons, there’s no way that they wouldn’t be able to perform this successfully.

“I understand, but you’ve never done a procedure like this, maybe we could call in someone, have them teach you how to do it before you actually do it so our odds are better.” You watched as his face fell, making you instantly feel terrible for saying what you said. Without physically saying it, you told him that you didn’t believe in him, and that wasn’t the case at all.

Calum chuckled with disbelief, looking down the hall before grabbing your wrist, pulling you into one of the on-call rooms that was nearby. You didn’t register what was happening until you’d been pressed against the closed door once you were both inside. He leaned in, grazing his lips over the shell of your ear, his warm breath hitting your skin.

“May I should you teach you a few things, yeah? Teach you a lesson, Doctor Y/L/N?” He growled into your ear. You squeezed your eyes shut, moaning quietly at the way his tongue would gently peek out and touch your skin. Your hands went to his back, bunching up his own dark blue scrub top as he pulled back and looked into your eyes.

You gave him a slight nod, one that he had to have been looking for to see. You could feel that your eyes were clouded with lust as you found yourself no longer on Earth. He leans in, pressing his lips to your roughly. The taste of the chapstick you saw him applying multiple times everyday on his plump lips. You closed your eyes as you two moved in sync with one another, savoring the kiss you’d secretly been wanting for so long.

Over the last few weeks, you’d been craving Calum. You don’t know what suddenly sparked your sexual interest in him. Maybe it was that you hadn’t been with anyone in months, or maybe it was that you’d gotten too comfortable with your relatively new best friend, that you realized just how perfect he was. Whatever the case, you wanted him so badly, and now that he was kissing you, pressing his body as close as possible to yours, you couldn’t help but never want him to stop.

His hands wrapped around the backs of thighs, lifting you up against the wall. His neck craned up as he kissed you, trailing his hot and quick kisses down your chin and all the way to your warm chest. He nipped at the skin, causing you to whimper in pleasure and grind your hips into his body. He could feel himself harden a bit at the way you would roll yourself into him. The thin material of both of your scrub pants didn’t leave much to be desired.

Your small hands, went to the back of his head as he dragged his hand up and bunched up the material of your thin shirt above your bra clad chest. Your breasts were clad in a simple black, cotton bra, but oh did they look so heavenly. He moaned as he looked at your body, leaning into start sucking at your skin. His fingers trailed down your chest to pull down the cups of your bra so he could kiss and suck at your nipples.

His lips wrapped around the hard buds, the cool air of the room and his touch setting your body on fire, lighting you up with a warmth you’d never quite felt so intensely before. His teeth grazed over your sensitive skin, causing you to mutter a curse followed by a whisper of his name. Calum heard every sound you made, making sure he didn’t miss anything you might’ve said. He could feel himself spiraling into a daze as he touched you sensually.

A sudden beeping went off, pulling both you and Calum out of your moment. You looked each other in the eyes, both of you realizing what had happened as he set you back on the floor and pulled your bra back up and your shirt down. He wiped his mouth of the spit that had collected around his mouth from sucking so aggressively at your nipples.

There was one thing Calum was thinking as you grabbed your still-beeping pager from the waistband of your pants, reading the page you’d been sent: “Fuck.”

Calum muttering the curse made you look up at him. He pulled away and put his down his pants to adjust the growing erection he had. You furrowed your eyebrows, even more confused at what just happened as he left the room without another word, slamming it closed behind him.

You fell back against the wall, feeling very flustered and very needy for more of what your friend had to offer. “What the fuck?”

Later that night, Calum was in his apartment, sitting on the couch with his elbows resting on his knees, his face in his hands. There was an ice-cold, half-drunken Corona sitting on the coffee table next to his couch. He was beating himself up over what happened in the on-call room with you earlier that day.

After the extremely heated moment shared between you two, Calum made sure to avoid you for the rest of the day. It was tough seeing as you and him shared a patient and saw each other multiple times throughout the day. He made sure to go to Tyler’s room when he knew you wouldn’t be there. When he looked at Tyler’s files, he noticed that you gave your signature of approval to the surgery you and Calum would operate, the one you were arguing about.

After you two got off, you’d wait for him in one of the waiting rooms so you two could go get something to eat and have a couple of drinks at the bar. As he was walking out to leave, he saw you scrolling through your phone as you waited for him. He went as far as walking through the emergency room and out to his car, which was on the other side of the hospital, just so you didn’t see him and possibly confront him.

With the television playing quietly, he was cursing himself for letting his urges get the best of him. He knew better. He told Ashton nothing would happen, and just a couple weeks later he had his lips all over your chest and his hands touching every part of you he could in the on-call room.

Even with the shame he had for betraying his best friend, he still wanted you. Badly. He still wanted to explore every inch of not only your body, but your soul and your kind heart. After just that brief moment in the on-call room, he was beyond addicted to you.

Rubbing his hands over his face and up into his hair, Calum groaned frustratedly as he pulled at his hair. He laced his hands together and pressed his knuckles against his lips. He looked at the beer bottle on the coffee table that was leaving water rings, thinking of you and how you’d started drinking Coronas just because he did so. The water ring of his beer reminded him of the coasters you insisted he used when he was at your apartment. It reminded him of the way you got so mad when you saw water rings on your coffee table and made him smile softly at your weird quirks that he absolute loved.

He grabbed the bottle and brought it up to his lips, wrapping them around the lip of the bottle as he tilted his head back and let the beer rush down his throat. He drank the rest of the liquid in the bottle, finishing it off. A knock at his apartment door caused him to stop drinking and furrow his eyebrows as he looked at said door. He looked at the watch on his wrist and saw that it was approaching midnight.

Standing from the sofa, he walked over to the door, throwing the now empty glass bottle in the recycling bin as he walked by it before he went to the door and pulled it open. You stood there in front of him, looking anxious as you two made eye contact.

Calum’s eyes widened, stuttering as he tried to find his words. He was gaping, left speechless at you standing before him. To be completely honest, he didn’t really expect you to even talk about the incident in the on-call room, let alone show up at his front door. “W-What are you doing here?”

You walked in, pushing past him. He closed the door and turned to face you again. Your arms were crossed over your chest and you looked like you were also trying to find your words. With a final sigh, you set your bag on the counter in his kitchen.

“You said you had a few things to teach me.” You said, referring back to earlier that day. Your fingers came to the hem of your shirt as you pulled it over your head. Calum’s eyes just about fell out of his head as he watched you undress yourself.

“Y/N, stop.”

“Teach me.” The shirt you were once wearing dropped from your hands and to the floor by your feet. You began taking off your shoes as Calum watched you.

Calum shook his head slightly. “I can’t. I told Ashton nothing would happen between us.”

You shrugged, in response to Calum. “I don’t care what Ashton said. I want you to teach me a lesson.”

“We can't, we’re friends, Y/N.” He said, his eyes going up and down your body in a moment of weakness.

“But you wanted me earlier.” You walked over to him and grabbed his left hip, pulling him closer but also pushing yourself into him. Your hand smoothed up his chest and to the back of his neck, your fingers going to play with the the tiny hairs residing there. “Please, Calum. Teach me.”

He seemed to have another moment of hesitance, but you watched his face and saw that reluctance melt into desire. He cupped your face with his hands, dipping his head down to kiss your lips. Your eyes fell shut and you arched into him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders while his came down to circle around your waist.

He backed you up to the couch, your butt pressed against the back of it. His fingers trailed down your back and to the curve of your bottom, his hands going to the back of rogue thighs to lift you up. He set you on the back of the sofa, pressing himself as close as possible to you. You could feel the bulge in his pants that you’d felt earlier growing against you.

Calum's lips moved roughly against yours, but not as rough as before. It seemed like he couldn’t get enough of you and wanted to just get inside of you all while wanting to make this last because he didn’t know if it’d ever happen again. It felt like you were what was giving him the power to breathe and he’d been underwater for so long, holding his breath until his lung burned in his chest.

His teeth nipped at your bottom lip, pulling continuous whimpers from the back of your throat. “Lay me down.” You whispered. He did as you said, walking around to lay you down and hover over you. He looked down at you, your lips flushed and your chest heaving as you brushed our fingertips over the side of his face. His gaze followed his large hand as it smoothed over your bare stomach and up to your covered breast, cupping it in his warm palm. His other hand softly moved to your back, finding the clasp of your bra and unhooking the two hooks with just three of his fingers.

He pulled the straps down your shoulders, taking it completely off your body. After he’d thrown it over the back of the couch and let it fall somewhere on the floor in the kitchen, he went back to kissing you passionately. His fingers began tweaking at your nipples, pulling at them as his tongue grazed over yours.

Your hands went to rest on Calum’s shoulders, but he grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head on one of the couch pillows. He pulled back from you, shaking his head with a smirk. “No, baby. You wanted me to teach you, remember?” He asked with a quirked brow. You nodded and bit your swollen bottom lip, your chest rising and falling as he looked down at your with eyes that had darkened significantly as you two made out. “So I’m in charge. Am I understood, gorgeous?”

You nodded and reached up to kiss his top lip quickly, still looking into his eyes as you did so. “Yes, Doctor Hood.” You whispered with a smirk playing at your plump lips.

Calum growled before he caught your lips with his once again, his fingers moving through your palm to lace with yours above your heads. You wrapped your leg around his waist, pressing your foot against his butt to push his crotch closer to yours. The erection pressed to your lower stomach. You mentally applauded yourself as you felt his covered cock twitch against you.

Still holding your hand, your friend started kissing down your body, licking over the spots his lips touched every now and then. When he got to your perky nipples, he made a point of looking you dead in the eye as he flattened his tongue over the hard peak before he pulled it into his mouth, sucking at it. You hissed at the wet feeling of his spit on your skin.

“You need me, baby?” He asked as he let go of your nipple, voice low as he started sucking at your stomach. You closed your eyes and shook your head when his free hand rested over your stomach, his long fingers splayed over your smooth skin. You shook your head, showing Calum some resistance, but that faltered as he licked your stomach and nipped at your skin. “Sure about that?”

“Don’t be such a tease, Calum.” You mumbled, rolling your eyes. He chuckled, before he undid the buttons of your jeans and then pulled your zipper down. He unlaced your fingers and grabbed the waistband of your pants, pulling them off and letting them fall to the floor.

His fingers bunched up the fabric on his back, pulling it off his body before throwing it onto the coffee table. He ran his hands through his thick hair and took the time to look down at your body, laid out in front of him.

His eyes scanned every inch of you. Every inch of your wonderful body, leaving him speechless. You had stretch marks on your hips and on your stomach which he assumed had came from your pregnancy. You had a tattoo on your hip that his fingers grazed over. He smiled softly at the black ink of the name he read he across your skin. He met your gaze and nodded slowly. “He had a beautiful name, Y/N.”

You felt your heart swell at the way that even in the heated moment, he could still speak to you with such fondness in his voice. That he could still touch you so softly, that he could still look at you with a softness in his eyes.

You leaned up, resting on your elbows as you watched his fingers trailed over your tattoo before your hand pulled him back down. You kissed him, softer this time than any of the other kisses you’d shared that day.

He leaned back down, laying you down once again. As he was above you again, the metal necklace he wore around his neck touched your heated skin, the cold contradicting the warmth. His fingers, hooking in the waistband of your panties, began pulling the flimsy fabric down. He let them pool with your jeans.

His fingers grazed over the scar just below your belly button before dipping down to run through your slick folds. You hummed quietly against his mouth, happy that he’d actually touched you where you wanted him to. His pointer and middle finger rubbed over you entrance as you stopped kissing him to moan into his mouth.

“Please, Cal. I want your fingers so bad.” You whined, looking him in the eye as you skimmed your lips against his. He pecked the corner of your mouth before dipping both of his fingers into your tight entrance, curling them up as he went right in with a single rub at your g-spot.

“Like that?” He asked as he began pumping them in and out of you slowly, making sure to graze his fingertips over the spot inside of you. You nodded in approval of his actions. His thumb started making clockwise circles around your bundle of nerves, causing you to arch into him. You loved that he’d so quickly figured out how to make you feel so good. His lips were kissing gently at your heated skin, your body starting to shine with sweat at the close proximity of your hot bodies.

Your hands smoothed down his chest, fingernails scratching gently at his dark skin which caused him to let out a little moan. Your fingers came to the waistband of his sweatpants. You slid your hands into his pants, fingers peeking into them smoothing over his round butt as you pushed them off of him.

His fingers were still pumping in you when his thumb pressed at your clit and caused you to dig your fingernails into his ass and your mouth to fall open. His forehead was leaning against yours, his nose bumping into yours as you tilted your head back. He watched as your brows furrowed and your throat was left exposed for him to mark up, which he took the opportunity to do so.

Calum’s plump lips latched onto your neck, doing a combination of sucking lovebites and skimming his teeth over the sensitive skin. You sighed pleasurably and squeezed at his bottom urging him to release a groan of satisfaction at your actions.

After a few more minutes of him fingering you, he could feel you clenching around his fingers and he wanted more than anything to hear what sounds you would make as you came,  feel how your body would shake against his as you splattered juices on his fingers. His fingers were dripping with your arousal and he could only imagine how sweet you tasted. He’d make you come as many times as he could that night because he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to do it again.

“Come on, darling. I can feel you clenching ‘round my fingers.” He growled into your ear, his lips kissing underneath it before biting the thin skin gently. You whimpered and nodded, your hips squirming. It was almost torture the way you moved so actively against him, your hips pushing up into his hand but also creating a bit of friction against his achingly hard cock. “Oh, I wanna see your face as you cum, baby. You’re so fucking gorgeous, I can’t get enough of you.” He told you.

You moaned repeatedly, the sounds bouncing off the walls and the hardwood floors in his apartment, making it louder enough to hear from outside the front door to those walking by. “Oh my god. I’m right there.” You breathed out, your eyes squeezed shut.

“Cum for me. Cum all over my fingers.”

With that, you released all over his digits, your body trembling and your toes curling as you came. Your release splattered against his fingers as he rubbed harshly at your g-spot and your throbbing bundle of nerves. You let out a mixture of curses and moans as you said his name over and over again like a prayer.

He helped you ride out your orgasm, trying to milk everything out of you and give you one of the best climaxes you’ve ever had. You’re not even gonna lie, Calum making you come with just his three of fingers was like being on cloud nine, you were more than excited to see what he could do with other things.

As your high settled, he pulled his fingers out of you gently just as you opened your eyes. He moved from you, sitting back on his knees, his sweatpants pulled low but not low enough to expose his lower half. Your eyes trailed all over his torso, noting every inch of him from the hair around his belly button that led into his sweatpants to the tattoos on his collarbone. You were looking up at him, making a piercing eye contact as he put his fingers, covered in you, in his mouth, sucking them clean. You suppressed the shiver of arousal that his actions wanted to send through you.

He smirked as he finished licking at his fingers, knowing that it had affected you even if you didn’t physically show him it did. Your breathing was uneven as you got on your shaky knees to level with him. Your fingers danced down his body, finally pushing off his sweats enough to show you his hard cock. It slapped against his stomach with a soft smack as he sighed, grateful for the release.

He moved to take them off fully, leaving them on the armrest of the sofa. You were both fully exposed to each other, nothing left between you two. You looked down at his erection, seeing a bead of pre-cum leaking from the slit in the swollen head of his dick. You wrapped your fingers around him, beginning to pump his member very slowly, teasing him.

You looked at him as you heard him gasp, immediately looking up to see his lips parted and his eyebrows scrunched up with a wrinkle between them. He placed his hand on your hip before he dipped his lips down to kiss you again. Your hand came off of him as he pushed you back down to how you were before, but you wanted to be on top and have a little control and that’s why you flipped him.

Unfortunately, you forgot that you were on the couch and it wasn’t big enough for you to flip over. You two landed on the floor, you on top of him as you landed on the carpet that he had in the living room. You were going to laugh at your mistake but didn’t as you heard him groan underneath you.

“Oh, Cal, I’m so sorry.” You apologized as you looked up at him, his eyes squeezed shut.

He shook his head and opened his eyes to look at you. “It’s all good, baby.” He said to you with a strained voice. He saw your soft smile as your tried to not laugh at the incident, which only made him laugh a little. His fingers rubbed up and down your spine, before splaying across your back to hold you close as he sat up. He kissed your chin, making you giggle when he nuzzled his face into your neck, his stubble tickling your skin.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as you smiled at the playfulness of your situation. His chest was pressed against yours when you looked down at him, nuzzling your nose against his lovingly. One of his palms came up to cup your face, his thumb stroking over your cupid’s bow. The mood shifted around you and Calum again as it got quiet and all that was heard was your uneven breathing.

“What do you want, gorgeous?” He whispered as you leaned your cheek into his touch, your eyes closing at the comfort of him holding you so gently. You placed a kiss to the heel of his palm and looked at him with those eyes of yours that took the very oxygen out of his lungs.

“You. All of you.” You mumbled, tilting your head into his touch as you looked at him. Your hand came to the side of his neck, your finger stroking over the chain of his necklace.

“Then you have all of me.” He said lowly.

He went to grab his pants to pull out his pocket and grab his wallet since there was always a spare condom in there, but he realized he’d left his wallet in the bedroom. “I have to go get a condom.” He told you.

You shook your head and started kissing his cheek and jaw. His hands were on your thighs as he was confused by your actions. “It’s okay. I’m on birth control and I’m clean. What about you?”

“I just got tested, I’m clean.” He explained. You nodded and raised yourself up on your knees as Calum pumped himself a couple times before rubbing his tip through your folds. He looked at you for another sign of approval as he placed his cock at your entrance. “You’re sure about this, Y/N?” He asked, but you knew that he meant about everything; about him, about what could potentially ruin your wonderful friendship, what could get you both in trouble with Marie and Ashton.

But, you didn’t care.

All you wanted was Calum Hood, in any and every way you could get him.

“All I want is you, baby.” That was the first time all night you’d called him something other than his name and it made something snap in him as he realized how serious you were about this. He nodded as you sunk down on him, his hands coming to your hips as he was finally all the way inside of you. You both let out satisfied sounds as you pushed him back onto the floor, Calum letting you take the reins.

You began rolling your hips towards him, bouncing on him as you sped up your actions. His hands were on your hips, squeezing tightly at the feel of your warm pussy wrapped so tightly around him. To steady yourself, you placed your hands on his soft stomach, grinding down into him as he laid on the carpet.

He couldn’t stop watching you as your tits bounced in front of him. Your eyes were looking down at him, watching as he bit his lip at the sight of you above him. His fingers tightened around you, his nails digging into your skin as you grinded a bit harder into him, rubbing your clit at his pubic bone.

“Fuck.” He groaned out when you tightened your walls around him. With every movement you made coming down on his cock, he prodded that sweet spot inside of you, pushing against it repeatedly. Your head fell back and your nails dug into his chest, scratching roughly down his chest, making him moan loudly; louder than you’d heard all night. After that, you quickly caught on to the pain kink he seemed to have and planned on taking full advantage of it throughout the night.

He flattened his feet on the ground so he could begin thrusting his hips up meet you halfway and maximize the force of your movements. He sat up and used his right hand to grab a fistful of your hair and pull your head back gently, while his other arm circled around your waist. You hooked your arms underneath his, holding him close as your hands rested on his shoulder blades.

Your leaned your cheek against his shoulder, beginning to kiss his soft skin gently while you moved sloppily with each other. You could feel him do the same to your bare shoulder, though his kisses quickly turned into sucks so he could leave hickeys on you. You knew that the next time you looked in the mirror at your naked body, you’d be covered in all kinds of bruises that came from just this night. With the way he gripped your hips so mean, you knew that there’d be finger-shaped bruises, you knew that you’d have various love bites scattered over your body and the thought of having a reminder of this night thrilled you.

“Feel good, darling?” He asked in between his kisses on your sweaty skin.

You nodded slowly as pleasure shot through you at a million miles per hour. “Your cock feels amazing. Stretches me so good, fills me up unlike any other.” Pulling back, you grabbed one of his hands and brought it to exactly below your belly button. “I feel you right here, baby.” You told him as his fingertips sat where you could feel his tip grazing inside of you with every thrust he made.

He smirked and gripped your hips again, tighter than before as he held you close to him. His thrusts had stopped and he was just inside of you, twitching as he held you down on his cock. You whimpered and tried moving, but he wouldn’t let you. “That didn’t mean you could stop, Calum.” You scoffed.

Calum started moving thrusting up into you quickly, leaving you speechless as he moved so fast. You moaned loudly, realizing what his plan was. Tease you just a little bit then give it his all. You hugged him again, nose pressing into his shoulder as you pressed your lips to his sticky-with-sweat skin. He fell in love with the way you held him so close and the way your hard nipples were pressing against his chest. It was something that was so simple, but something that felt so wonderful.

“Please, don’t stop, Calum.” You begged him, whimpering and moaning with every thrust he made. Your sounds were endless, but Calum loved it. In the weeks leading up to this, he thought of the sounds you’d make as he fucked you into the sheets or as you moved against him like you were now, but this was way better than anything he could’ve ever dreamed up. The sounds leaving both yours and his mouths combined with the slapping of damp skin, the noises bouncing off the walls.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, gorgeous. Your pussy feels like heaven, so nice and warm. Fits me so perfectly.” He told you, bringing his hand to rub at your clit. You shuddered as his fingers touched the bundle of nerves that aches so good. “All mine, Y/N. You’re all mine.”

You hummed approvingly and sucked hickeys on his neck. You skimmed your teeth gently over his skin, causing him to shiver against you. You tangled your fingers in his hair, yanking his head back so he could look you in the eyes. “And you’re mine, got it?” You asked him, your voice raspy from all the sounds you’d been making. Calum nodded with a whine and it set you on fire to hear the sound. “Only I can have you like this, can touch you like this.”

“Whatever you want, love. I’m all yours.” He told you breathlessly. His lips crashed to yours as his hips began to stutter, the kiss a mess of tongue and clanking teeth. He kept bouncing your body on him as you swallowed each other’s moans and groans. Your teeth bit down on his bottom lip roughly as you felt the coil in your stomach burn as it tightened. The pain of your teeth digging into his swollen lip encouraged him to rub harder at your clit and move faster inside of your pussy.

You let go of his lip as you felt another release approach you. With your arms wounding around his shoulders again, you dug your teeth into his shoulder, surely leaving teeth marks. Your nails scratched relentlessly at his back, long welts being left in your place. Calum was so turned on as all the wonderful pain of you biting and scratching him mixed with the pleasure he got from moving in and out of you.

Your clenches around him became more frequent and your hips started stuttering as you moved faster with him. You pressed yourself as close as possible to him. “I’m there, baby. I want you to cum with me.” He whispered in your ear as your legs shook. “Wanna feel you cum again. All over my cock this time. Let go.”

Once again, his words sent you over the edge and you were cumming over his member. The feeling of your warm juices around him set him off as the head of his cock twitched and he released strings of cum inside you. His hips were shaking as he thrusted up into you unevenly.

“Calum, oh my god!” You cried out with pleasure filling you like it never had before. You were burying your face in his neck as you held him tighter. “Oh, fuck!”

Calum grunted and was breathing heavily in between his groans. His abs were clenching as he released, his eyes squeezed shut as dug his fingers into your hips. He didn’t stop saying your name as he came inside you, his head spinning as he had the best orgasm he’d ever had. Never in his twenty-nine years, had he ever found a woman that made him physically and emotionally feel the way you made him feel.

He knew as he looked up at you in your post-sex glory, still recovering from your orgasm that you were it. You were the one he’d always unknowingly wanted. The one he never knew he was looking forward to falling in love with. But here you were, your eyes still screwed shut as you came down from your high.

You rolled off of him, your legs shaky as you fell onto the floor next to him. Your arm rested over your eyes as you tried to catch your breath. Calum looked over at you as he laid back then looked back at the ceiling. He wondered what was going through your head, what you were thinking. Did you mean what you said when you told him he was yours? Or was that something you just said in the moment of great sex? Did you want to even be with him? Was this whole thing a mistake?

You peeked an eye open and saw him with a thoughtful expression. You could see the wheels turning in his head as he laid next to you. “What’re you thinking, Cal?” You asked softly, pulling him out of his daze.

He sighed and sat up, bending his legs to put his feet flat on the floor. He rested his elbows on his knees like earlier as he laced his fingers together and brought them up to rub his thumb over his lips. With his back to you, you could see the scratches you left on his tan skin, the ones that looked painful. The hickeys you marked him up with were on his shoulders and the side of his neck.

You sat up with him and brought your hand up to his shoulder, rubbing his hot skin. “Hey, talk to me.” You leaned against him, kissing his skin softly.

“Why? So you can just get up and leave?” He asked bitterly. You furrowed your eyebrows, wondering where the sweet and caring man from earlier had gone. You should’ve known in all honesty. He had a habit of very quickly switching emotions up in the blink of an eye when something was worrying him. “Because if so, you can just go.”

He went to get up but you wrapped your hand around his left bicep to keep him from going anywhere. “You really think I’d do that to you? Because I promise I’m not going anywhere.” You said quietly, hoping he’d understand that you really did want to be here with him. You hoped that he’d understand what he meant to you and why you were really here with him.

“Why not? It was just sex, right?” He shrugged, shaking his head cynically. “Just me teaching you fucking a lesson?”

“What is your problem?” You exclaimed, frustrated that he wasn’t picking up what you were trying to say without saying it because he was so focused on himself. “God, Calum! Do you not understand that I’m trying to tell you I had feelings for you?” You frowned, looking at the man in front of you.

Calum’s anger melted away and his face visibly softened. “You what?” He mumbled.

With a soft chuckle, you cupped his cheek. You tilted your head to the side as you looked at him, tenderness swimming in your kind eyes. “This wasn’t just sex for me. I wouldn’t do that to you, not when I feel the way I do about you.”

The corner of his mouth lifted up in a gentle grin, his eyes lighting up with adoration and hope as he looked at you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I shouldn’t have yelled at you or just assumed.” He grabbed your hand brought to his lips, kissing the back of it apologetically.

He laid back after grabbing a blanket off the sofa, throwing it on you and then he pulled you to lay on him. Your front was pressed to his side as you rested your hands over his chest, your cheek laying against your hands. He wrapped an arm around your waist, his hand rubbing up and down your back, fingers tracing circles around your soft skin.

You looked up at him fondly, happy that everything had turned around for the better. He tightened his arm around you, moving forward a bit to place short and sweet kisses on your lips. “Stay with me?”

“All night?”

“As long as you want, baby.” He smiled and pressed his lips to your forehead gently, your eyes closing in contentment. He ran his fingers up and down your spine, pulling you to sleep before he spoke up again. “Just promise me that this wasn’t a one time thing?”

You smiled and opened your eyes to look up at the man before you. “Well, it’s not just a one time thing. I’d like to see what you and I could turn into.” You told him.

Calum bit his lip to suppress his beaming face, but had a hard time doing so as you made him so happy. Being here with you, holding you and kissing you made him so happy. “I would, too.”

After a few minutes of silence, he chuckled and shook his head. You laughed at the man, wondering what was going on in his head. “What’re you laughin’ at, baby?”

“Ashton and Marie actually said something to me about us” He said, confusing you with what he meant, but you automatically had a feeling that it wasn’t a great conversation.

You rolled your eyes and huffed. “What’d they say?”

“Well, Ashton basically warned me about staying away from you because they think that I’m no good for you.” He said mockingly in his best Ashton voice. You chuckled and shook your head, kissing his pectoral.

“Fucking Ashton. I swear, he can’t keep his nose out of anything.” You said. “But I think they’re wrong. I think you’d be great for me. You already are.”

“So basically, fuck Ashton and Marie, and start sleeping together anyway?”

“Pretty much.” You shrugged and kissed his pectoral, scratching gently at his skin.

Calum tapped your shoulder, causing you to look up at him. “I can take you on dates, right?”

“Yes, of course.” You laughed, kissing his jawline. You put out your pinky and held it out for him. “We don’t tell anyone though, got it?”

Calum hooked his pinky with yours, sealing your promise. “Got it.” He nodded in agreement. He leaned in and kissed your lips. You pulled him on top of you and deepened the kiss. He grinded his hardening length against you and smirked when you hissed, still sensitive. “Wanna go again?”

You smiled smugly and nodded before wrapping your legs around his waist. “Sure you can keep up?” You asked, rolling your wet core into him.  

“Without a doubt.”

@biggestslutforcalum @moonlightgodcalum @cade-james @mycollectionofnuts @auburnish @lukesflaredpants

[saccharii]

Todofam Month, Day Three: Therapy

Retail Therapy

AO3 Link

Todofam Month masterpost

@todofammonth

Shouto still didn’t know what to do with his days off. Months had passed since he moved into the dorms, and every weekend he still had that itch in the back of his head that he was doing something wrong, that his old man would be furious at him for slacking.

The bag of convenience store soba bounced against Shouto’s leg as he made his way back to UA. A cyclist passed him on the sidewalk, the second he’d seen this morning. Despite the fact the road led to the most prestigious hero academy in Japan, there weren’t many people out.

A car roared down the street and screeched to a stop next to Shouto. The frame of the car jerked forward and back from the momentum. Alarmed, he stepped away and raised his left arm slightly, fire tingling under his skin.

The window rolled down to reveal a tight lipped Fuyumi, staring straight ahead. Natsuo waved cheerily from the passenger seat. Tension melted out of Shouto and he lowered his hand.

“Get in,” she hissed, not sparing him a glance. She gripped the steering wheel so tightly the leather creaked.

“Wanna come shopping with us?” Natsuo said. “It’s on the old man.”

Shouto raised an eyebrow. “What did he do to piss you off?”

“Nothing,” Fuyumi gritted out through clenched teeth. Her nostrils flared.

“Must be a pretty big nothing.” Shouto looked to Natsuo, who shrugged.

“She won’t tell me either. Hop in. We’re going to buy the most expensive things we can think of,” he said with a grin. “Beside something like a private island or a house, of course,” he added after a second thought.

Shouto slid into the backseat and put his seatbelt on with a click. “You know that won’t bother him much. With how much money he has, he might not even notice.”

“It’s the thought that counts.” Fuyumi sharply turned into traffic. She slammed the horn. “Get out of the way you idiots!”

“I’ve never seen you this angry before.”

“It’s happened a few times,” Natsuo said.

Fuyumi swerved so quickly around a corner Shouto had to hold on to the grab handle to keep from falling over.

“Are you guys thirsty?” she asked with a vicious smirk. “I’m thirsty. Let’s go get some water.”

Fuyumi hummed and swished the bottled water around in her hand. “They’re right. It does taste different from tap water.”

“It tastes nasty.” Natsuo gagged, and held the green plastic bottle away from him by his forefinger and thumb. “It tastes like it’s from two thousand meters under the sea,” Shouto said drily. “We’re drinking fish poop.”

“Don’t be dramatic. They filter it.” Fuyumi took another drink. She grimaced. “It does leave something to be desired.”

Shouto eyed the large package of water bottles. “Did we really have to buy the hundred pack?”

“Yes.”

“What are we going to do with the rest of them? I’m not drinking any.” Natsuo tossed his bottle into a nearby garbage bin.

Fuyumi tapped her finger on her lips. “The grass in the park near the elementary school has been looking pretty brown.”

“Hey I know you,” the store clerk said. “You’re Endeavor’s son — from the Sports Festival.”

“Yes,” Shouto said blandly. “That’s me.”

The girl giggled. “That’s so cool.”

“And I’m Endeavor’s son not from the Sports Festival,” Natsuo said cheerfully.

“Oh, um. Okay?” She peered up at him like she was trying to tell if he was joking or not. “I didn’t know he had any other children.”

“Most people don’t,” Natsuo said, still smiling.

 “What’s the total?” Shouto asked.

“That’ll be, um.” She adjusted the cash register screen. “Three hundred thousand yen. Holy shit.”

The clerk fumbled with the bags. When Shouto took them, their fingers brushed and she turned bright red. “I’m a huge fan of your dad.” Her eyes went glassy and she gazed off into the distance. “He’s just so cool.”

Shouto suppressed a wince. At least it wasn’t a rant about how Endeavor was the greatest hero of all time. He wasn’t sure if he could endure that again.

“I’m paying.” Fuyumi handed over the credit card.

The clerk took it; she looked at Fuyumi’s eyes and hair, then at Shouto’s right side, her brows furrowed. With a shrug, she swiped the card through the reader, and glanced down at it. Her eyes bugged out.

“Todo- Todoroki En- Oh my god. This is Endeavor’s credit card. I’m holding Endeavor’s credit card,” she said numbly, swaying on her feet.

Fuyumi plucked the card from her fingers. The clerk didn’t seem to notice.

“Thank you,” Fuyumi said and tucked it back in her purse. “We have to get going now.”

Shouto and Natsuo hefted the (many) bags filled with various game consoles and video games and followed Fuyumi out the door.

“Are you sure this is okay? It’s really starting to add up.” Natsuo asked quietly as they stepped out into the sun. “What if the old man reports you for identity theft?”

Fuyumi smiled grimly. She popped open the trunk so that Shouto and Natsuo could put their bags in. “He won’t. I asked his permission to use his card for a few things. He won’t risk his precious reputation by reporting his children to the police.”

Natsuo and Shouto exchanged glances as Fuyumi slammed the trunk shut just a bit too hard.

“We drank fish poop water; now we’re drinking ferret poop coffee.”

“They’re civets, not ferrets. There’s a difference.”

“Thank you, Fuyumi-sensei.” Natsuo took a drink of his coffee and made a face. “Ugh. It tastes like crap.” He barked out a laugh. “Ha! I didn’t mean to do that.”

Shouto smelled his coffee then took a long drink. He ran his tongue along the inside of his teeth and pursed his lips thoughtfully. “I like it.”

“That’s because you have no taste. Have you ever drank coffee before?”

“No.”

“Heathen. Trust me. This-” Natsuo waved the coffee cup at him. “-is complete garbage.”

Shouto shrugged and took another drink. “The old man never let me have coffee. Said it would stunt my growth and other bullshit.”

“Ugh.”

“We need a yacht, right?”

“Absolutely. I don’t know why we didn’t have one before. How are we supposed to vacation without a yacht?”

Fuyumi signalled a marina employee. “Excuse me, sir? Can you show us your most expensive yachts?”

“A private jet is taking it too far, isn’t it?”

“Probably.”

“Really, thank you so much, Todoroki-san,” the executive director of the Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Foundation said in a thick voice. Her lip trembled. “This is a very generous donation.” 

Fuyumi smiled, and it was softer and more sincere than any Shouto had seen that day. “It’s no problem at all. No amount is too much for such an important cause.”

The director shook her head. “We don’t get as many donations as you’d think. Too many people think that suicidal people are weak or that mental illness is shameful and should be hidden away.”

Shouto shifted uncomfortably. It hit too close to home.

The woman’s assistant scurried back into the room. “I just got off the phone with the bank. They say she’s an authorized user.”

“Wonderful. I’m sorry for taking up your time, Todoroki-san. We have to check any time there is a large donation.”

“Oh no, not at all. After all, this is a very important cause to us, personally.”

The woman’s eyes widened, then softened. She nodded. “I see. We will put your donation to good use. Please give your father my thanks.”

Fuyumi smiled sharply. “Oh, I will.”

Shouto hoped he’d be there to see that reaction.

“No offense Todoroki, but I hope your dad pisses off your sister more often. I’ve never eaten so well in my life, and I probably never will again.” Uraraka sprawled over the dorm couch, and rested her hand on her stomach. “I shouldn’t have eaten so much, but it was sooo good.”

Shouto slurped salmon roe off of his spoon. Fuyumi knew him well enough by now to order it by the jar rather than buying maki.

Bakugou snatched a piece of fatty tuna before Midoriya could get it, and ate it while maintaining aggressive eye contact. 

Kaminari moaned from where he lay on the floor. “Oh god, I ate too much. It hurts. I can’t move. Why did I do this to myself? Kirishima, buddy, get me some more.”

“Sure thing. What do you want?”

“Squid.”

Kirishima dropped the squid sashimi on to Kaminari’s face and it landed on his top lip. He scrunched his face up a few times until he managed to get ahold of it with his teeth.

“You’re going to be so sick tomorrow,” Ashido said with a laugh, and stuffed her twentieth piece of nigiri in her mouth.

“This is very high quality, Todoroki-san,” Yaoyorozu said, daintily dipping a piece of nigiri in soy sauce. “And there is so much. It must have cost a lot, even for you.”

“That was the point.”

“Ah, yes... Well, I hope you and your siblings resolve your argument with your father.”

“I don’t.”

Yaoyorozu smiled awkwardly and went back to eating her food in silence.

“Do you feel better now?” Natsuo asked.

Fuyumi sighed. “I don’t know. It’s just...”

Shouto scooped up a spoonful of gelato. None of what he ate today was in compliance with the old man’s strict dietary plan for him. He ate another, bigger spoonful. Maybe he’d get seconds.

The air cooled as the sun set. For most, it would be too cold for iced treats. But not for Shouto and his siblings.

“It doesn’t fix anything,” she continued slowly, “but I do feel a little better, I guess. I’ve never been able to really stand up to Father. But no matter how petty or meaningless this was, I actually did something.”

“I understand that,” Natsuo said. “I just gave up caring about the shit that comes out of his mouth. I don’t have the energy for that.”

“I got to spend time with you two. That made me feel better.” She bumped her shoulder into Shouto’s and smiled at him.

The corners of his lips curled slightly as he stirred the melting desert in his cup. Shouto had never spent the entire day with his siblings before.

“Yeah, today was nice,” he said.

He hoped they could do it again.

--

(ko-fi)

[writing-radionoises]

fragile ; ch 1

Ochako Uraraka is the leader of the League Of Villains with Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugo, Eijiro Kirishima, and Shouto Todoroki under her wing, here to purge the world of chaos with more chaos than needed. Three third years at U.A. and one first year decide that needs to change, someone needs to pick out the weakest link, and ironically enough, it's Touya's little brother.

AO3 link

All greatness starts in tragedy, and all tragedy ends in greatness. Himiko Toga and Tomura Shigaraki, age seven abandoned in an orphanage together for their "bad" quirks with only one drive. To survive and become the greatest heroes in the world. This drive brought them together as close friends, and later, they would be adopted together and become brother and sister. Himiko and Tomura Toga. They trained most of their lives, Tomura would offer his blood to Himiko so she could test out her quirk, Himiko would learn acting abilities from Tomura and perform for money, for which she would buy dolls an such for Tomura to practice his quirk on. They were survivors from the beginning, and survival mean competition. And that is where the competition began. Even after being adopted, Himiko continued her acting career. Her talent was recognized in middle school, when she had to take a student's place and decided to do so by using her quirk. She was recognized and put into quirk training classes after school, evoking jealousy in Tomura, an later throwing in rage when she was put into U.A. upon recommendation. There were fights among the Togas, and later, therapy was involved. Years of them tormenting each other every time the other got one upped. And it only continued into U.A. after Tomura was accepted. Yet, Himiko and Tomura were always in the same friends group, like twins. They both seemed close to the first year recommendation student, and they both had interest in the mysterious Todoroki in their class. And that is now it begins, this is how Himiko Toga, Tomura Toga, Touya Todoroki, and Momo Yaoyorozu planned on bringing the villains down. There was a slam of files on the desk from Tomura, Himiko watched Momo jump in surprise. She was young an not used to Tomura's aggressiveness, unlike Himiko who had grown up with Tomura threatening to disintegrating her. Himiko's yellow eyes widened, clicking his tongue, "What's this shit?" "Watch your mouth," Touya mumbled, brushing some of his red hair behind his ear. "Watch yours," Himiko answered, followed by her usual childish giggle so he'd know she was teasing him. Tomura rolled his eyes an scratched his neck, "These are the files on the villains we know of. There was an attack last night and one of them blew up the fucking orphanage we grew up in, took the kids with them, though. Still, fills me with a sense of dread..." Himiko's smile dropped as well as her head when she heard that. "Oh... That sounds horrible," Momo replied, there was concern in her eyes, though Himiko wasn't looking. Her entire three years at the orphanage were flashing before her eyes, and when you looked at Tomura, you could see he was going through the same. Touya broke the silence, "This needs to end, and fast. I guess, if the pro heroes won't do anything... I guess third years are second best." Tomura nodded along, "Todoroki, I'm depending on you to form a plan since you seem to be the only one who common sense here," he said, glaring at Himiko, who rolled her eyes. "At least I come up with pla-" "Togas, pipe down," Touya interrupted, to which both Tomura and Himiko complied. "Well," Momo started, "They've attempted to destroy the league from the outside, before, and there have been no results. I say we use Himiko-san's quirk to our advantage." Touya nodded along, "We need to pick out the weakest link. If we can capture the weakest, Himiko can take their blood an their place, destroy from the inside." Himiko's eyes widened as she clapped along, "I'm sooo down for this!" Tomura rolled his eyes before passing the files around, "Okay, you guys take a look at this shit." "Stop cursing in front of the first year, Toga," Touya responded, taking one of the files into his hands. "Please refrain from talking to me like I'm five," Momo added on, and Tomura chuckled. Himiko opened the file she got, the file for Ochako Uraraka. "'Ochako Uraraka, otherwise known as Uravity, age fifteen.' She's Momo's age..." Himiko started, and she watched Momo lift her head up in interest, "'Her quirk is Zero Gravity, anything she touches she can manipulate the gravity of. She's the leader of the League Of Villains and doesn't appear often. She's known to be more of a backup plan. From what we've seen of her, she's determined and focused.' She would be hard to capture and manipulate." Touya nods, though Momo has a horrified look on her face, "She's my age and she's already a villain..." Tomura pats on her on the back while Touya speaks up, "'Izuku Midoriya, otherwise known as Deku, age fifteen. No known quirk, he seems to be quirkless. Based on his mother, it's known that he was driven off the age due to bullying for being quirkless when he finally snapped. Much like Uravity, he is cold and determined, an always on guard, he's also unusually flexible. He is one of the front line villains,'" the red haired male said, "While being quirkless would be to Himi-chan's advantage, capturing Deku would be difficult, though. Apparently, he shares a connection with everyone in the League, and rumored to be very physically powerful. Possible second choice, though." "Mmm," Himiko said, shrugging then giggling, "You called me Himi-chan..." Touya gives a slight smile, but Momo cuts in. Clearly, she has had enough of Himiko messing around with her older brother figures. "'Katsuki Bakugo, otherwise known as Explosion or Kacchan by Deku. Age sixteen. His quirk is Explosion, he can create explosions from his hands and they get more powerful the more he sweats. He's known to be the protector of the League and especially tends to whisk Frostbite when he gets too panicked in battle. He's rude and stubborn, sometimes even his own teammates don't like him. He's known to yell quite a bit and argue with Deku. Not much is known about his story outside of the fact that he was born an illegitimate child an adopted his aunt, who was later killed in a quirk accident.'" "So, basically he's a bitch," Himiko said, and Tomura scoffed. "You sure are blunt," he said. "You are, too!" "Togas!" Touya interrupted once again, and the siblings hushed up again. Tomura spoke up again, "Guess it's my turn," he said, scratching his neck once again, "Shouto, unknown last name, otherwise known as Frostbite, he's just barely fifteen." Touya perked up, though didn't say anything. "He's Endeavor's killer..." Momo mumbled. "'His quirk is Half Hot and Half Cold, his left side uses fire and his right is ice. He never uses his left for unknown reasons. Shouto is almost never seen on the battleground, likely because he is known to be panicky and anxious. Frostbite is known to always be shaking, and frequently gives himself frostbite from overusing his quirk. Which is often why Explosion comes to his rescue often. It is also known that Frostbite is blind in his left eye.'" "Is there a picture?" Touya asks, and Tomura raises an eyebrow though nods, passing the file over. The ginger looks over the file carefully, his blue eyes wide before he as spoke up, his voice was much louder than usual, so much that it scared Himiko. "That's my little brother, holy shit." There was a noticeable pause in the room, silence that Himiko broke. "Your brother?! Touya, you never told me you had siblings!" Momo was glancing between everyone at the table before she spoke up, "That means... He killed his own father..." Tomura didn't say anything, though Touya eventually threw down the file and began to explain. "It's... It's not as bad as you think, there are things about mine and Shouto's past that are not written on paper that was hidden away, that people probably tried to cover up... My father was abusive. My siblings and I were all born of a quirk marriage, my father bought my mother in order to conceive of child of a perfect split between his quirk and my mother's. Shouto was that child, though when he was born, he was not... Treated well. Enji began training Shouto at age five, he'd beat him until he threw up or passed out, he'd beat my mother in front of him. I... I took some of it, too, when I was young, I was the first child and the first mistake, occasionally he hurt me, too. Still, he'd burn Shouto and force him to use his left side. Mother snapped and poured boiling water over his left eye, so that's why he's blind, mother was put into a mental hospital afterwards. I was cut off from him when he was about seven, so I don't know about anything after that, but I can only guess that after that, it only got worse..." There was silence, though Himiko could hear her brother scratching his neck and biting his lip. "If we have information on him and he's rather anxious, taking him would be rather easy, though it might just break him..." Tomura said. "It might just have to be a chance we're willing to take, Touya," Himiko said, "With your help, I can easily get his personality and maybe, just maaaybeee, we can actually conv-" "Himiko, hush, there's someone nearby," Tomura cut in, and the entire room went silent as Tomura covered his eyes out of instinct, maybe to help him hear better. "Who is it?" Himiko whispered. "I don't know! I can only sense a presence not who it fucking is!" Tomura whisper yelled. "Togas!" Touya whisper yelled back. Himiko's dorm room went silence for another five minutes until Tomura uncovered his eyes and glanced around. "Himiko, I think we have a spy among us."

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told + Chapter 33 Update

Hello everyone! First off, I am so, so, SO sorry for taking so long to update. I am about to put the finishing touches on Chapter 33, and if all goes according to plan, I should have it for you between March 7th-9th - just in time for Captain Marvel! Meow. This chapter is clocking in at OVER 30,000 WORDS, so although it has taken me an abysmally long time to complete it, I hope the length will make it somewhat worthwhile. 

And now for your Asks! These contain a spoiler for chapter 15 and some milder spoilers for some of the later chapters (30-32-ish). 

I understand this completely. I have problems with a lot of military fics because of their verisimilitude (or lack thereof). I will say in general that I have had a good deal of affiliation with military-related environments and individuals in my life and that I have done my research to the best of my abilities. Part of why I take so long to update is the immense amount of research I do. That said, as I mentioned at the beginning of the fic, sometimes I may stretch or alter the details (a platoon/fire team/company is not as small as I portray it, same with convoy sizes etc.) in order to make it easier for me to write. And I will just plain screw stuff up because I’m a person. But over all, the most important thing for me is to capture the themes of deployment, war, recovery, readjustment (or not), trauma, etc. and convey these things with realism. But I do try to get a lot of the details right, too. 

I hope a lot of this stuff rings true to you in the fic. I invite you and other uniformed personnel and veterans to DM me and let me know how I can make the details ring truer. I have shaped the work in other ways based on feedback and am willing to do it further, provided I don’t have a good reason for making things the way they are now. 

Yeah, I’m sorry I had to turn off anons because of the trolls. I’m glad you enjoyed the emotional catharsis for Steve here. He really needed to actually feel his emotions rather than turning everything into pain and puke. (BTW, meta note, I write a lot of vomit for some reason. I know it’s a large part of being a heavy drinker, because you just can’t drink that much and not puke a lot, and I wanted Steve to be a puker because I wanted to showcase a huge somatic reaction, but yeesh, what is UP with the all the puke? I hate vomit IRL, so much.)

And I am the worst queer in the world, as I was just told by a virtual stranger yesterday, because I have NOT seen A Star is Born yet. But I am going to watch it this week! I’m glad that it rang true with this depiction of addiction. Relapse is messy, and it happens on anniversaries - Oh, the anniversary relapse is a BIG thing in recovery. I’m excited to see the parallels now. Thank you for the rec!

I am actually TERRIBLE at recommending fic in the sense that I barely read any at all :(    I’m ruined for most fics these days because if it’s not profoundly, painfully realistic, I have trouble buying into it. I hate that I’m so picky now. I wish I had a bunch of great recs I’m holding out on, but if you’ve seen my bookmarks, you’ve seen many of the ones that stick out most for me. A lot of them are because I love the writing itself, which helps me get my creative wheels turning when I need to craft good prose. Sorry I can’t be more helpful.

But seriously, @praximeter​‘s The Night War: 60th Anniversary Edition FTW. It’s my all time favorite fic and one of the most excellent character studies - and one of the best studies in trauma - I’ve ever read. Talk about an unreliable narrator. And it raises some excellent questions about who we let fight and under what circumstances - how much do we use people in war, even if they’re clearly so compromised from trauma that they can barely function? You’ve got to REALLY read it, though. It’s not a lazy read. Highly recommended, though. Be prepared to have your guts torn out of your body and thrown on the floor and danced upon by Prax. It makes her Mask Fic look like a giggling prance through the daisies.

Yeah - I think the last chapter was exhausting and distressing and disheartening for many. And it was maybe a bit confusing, in regards to Bucky’s relapse. On one hand, he’s a hawt LITERAL mess. But on the other hand... this is not unexpected. This is part of recovery, especially for a lifelong alcoholic. He planned it. He took some steps to mitigate risk. He was not trying to off himself. He had a limit set. He just didn’t want to cope in healthy ways anymore and he made an informed adult choice to drink a fuckton of vodka for a week. Was it healthy? Good GOD, no. But he was doing it with an oddly sound mind, right? He tried other means of coping first. He gave it his best, and he decided to do this instead. And he cleaned up his mess after and put his clothes on and did the big boy thing and called his therapist. So even though it was awful and gross and sad, you could also look at it as a stark contrast from his Carle Place days. And he LOOKED AT HIS DICK...!!!!! HOLY SHIT. That is a feat 19 months in the making. And he did it sober. That in itself is impressive. 

But I can definitely see pain for a lot of people, and the exhaustion of this chapter, the OH GOD just STOP IT, here we go AGAIN. And that is how friends and families and loved ones of addicts can feel, and the addicts themselves! Tired. Just tired of the same old thing, over and over. But he also made a lot of objective progress in important ways. Even if it doesn’t feel like it because the progress is covered in old pizza crust and vomit and dildos (yes, even the BIG ONE). 

This is referring to Chapter 15, when Bucky was in the hospital after his surgeries, yes? I don’t think he needed a trach tube, actually. He had his weapon up to his face to aim at the enemy, so his neck/airway didn’t sustain any major injuries because his arms and rifle took the brunt of the shrapnel. His internal organs were spared from major injuries because of his body armor. He needed to have his collapsed lung decompressed in the field, but that was it. That might have been followed up with more drainage later at a field hospital. I figured his alveoli were ruptured from the IED blast wave, leading to the collapsed lung, which is usually treated with 100% oxygen, so no trach needed there. And when I researched other reasons why one would need a trach, I didn’t see anything that would really apply to him. So no trach for Bucky! You can spare him that little bit of misery in your imagination, if you WANT.

Haha, yes, the “enjoyed... I think?” parallels the “I’m glad... I think?” that I feel/write when people say they’re wrecked by the fic. I’m so glad this has encouraged you to do some research! I’d love to know what on. There are so many threads to chase. Just glance at the TAGS, my God. Choose your own adventure. Thank you for letting me know you’re enjoying and that it’s sparking your curiosity!

Ugh, I would love to say that I have a great schedule for updating planned, but as you can probably surmise, I am slow and unpredictable. My life has gotten much, much busier since I started writing this fic and my work far more draining, so both time and energy aren’t on my side these days. I don’t dare to promise an update on any kind of schedule because I just can’t say. I’m sorry. And you’re absolutely right - it’s because I want to deliver the best quality I can. And I’m also trying to give you huge meaty chapters, too. But I HOPE it won’t be another five months before the next update. I really do. The next chapter will probably be shorter, so that’ll help. I will really do my best. 

This is a GREAT question. I think it’s important to note that dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) - although originally designed for borderline personality disorder (BPD) - is trans-diagnostic treatment as a skills group. This means that it can be for anyone who needs help with regulating emotions and managing their relationships better. We don’t really know what Bucky’s diagnosis is. BUCKY doesn’t know what it is. All he knows is that Scott identified his functional life problems and thought the group would be a good fit. Bucky sure does have some BPD traits, but it’s also important to note that some of these traits can also be present in someone with a fuckton of trauma - especially from childhood. 

I set out to write someone with just a lot of trauma, really. Someone who had difficulties with regulating emotions as a core problem. Someone who used sex and booze and avoidance to manage everything. And also someone with a lot of attachment and intimacy and trust problems, which can really all look like BPD! And they can all look like developmental trauma! I wanted it to not be entirely clear what was going on, because that’s often how people appear in real life. We’re not quite sure what Scott makes of him, except that he sees he needs healthy skills DESPERATELY and wanted to get him in this group ASAP. (Good call, Scott!) 

Okay, everyone! Thank you so much for all the love and great questions!! I’ll be in touch in a couple weeks with more BW for you. Thank you for all of your support and patience <3

[whisker-biscuit]

Harley Quinn is Not A Good Role Model: Chapter 21

Rated T-M for language and graphic descriptions of violence

Pairing: Dr. Flug/Black Hat

Summary: Dr. Flug Slys is a successful psychiatrist working at one of the world’s most respected mental institutes for the criminally insane. But this new patient is unlike anything he’s ever encountered. Flug is determined to help him, nonetheless.

Black Hat has other ideas.

Chapter 21: The Big Day

9:00

Flug and Martin met at 9:00 on the dot, right in front of Dementia’s cell. The intern had his hands in his pockets but it was obvious he was fidgeting with the fabric inside.

“So, we’re actually doing this today. Holy shit,” he whispered in a jitter. “I’m going to prank my boss, holy shit!”

“Okay, easy, d-don’t go announcing it to the neighborhood,” Flug cautioned. He took out his set of keys and unlocked the door as quickly as possible. “This is a just a normal therapy session, on a normal day. Okay?”

That statement was proven wrong – or right, depending on the point of view – when Dementia sprang from their left side and knocked both doctor and intern off their feet. Their clipboards went flying.

“Heyyyyy guys, did you miss me? I missed you! Well actually no, that’s not true, I only missed Flug. I’d say sorry Martin, but I’m not sorry. At all.”

She was sprawled across the floor with her head and shoulders resting easily on Flug’s flattened collarbone. He would have tried to get her off, but he was too busy trying to get the wind back into him.

Martin had fallen too. He sat up quickly, not stuck underneath a hyperactive inmate like his supervisor, and looked between the dogpile in front of him and the still-open door behind them all. The teen shifted closer to Dementia and she stopped talking immediately to glare at him.

The message was clear: don’t touch me. So instead Martin scooted away and closed the cell door with his heel. Dementia went back to rambling as if she’d never stopped.

“So I was thinking a lot last night about us three, and what we’re doing today, you know, and I’ve decided it’s not fair that you guys get all the fun! I mean I already hooked up with my inmate buddy so don’t worry he’s gonna help us out, but am I supposed to just sit here and be the looney girl while you guys are out there having fun? I don’t think I like that at all!”

“Dementia…off, please…” Her doctor patted at her weakly.

“And I know you can’t really let me out without losing your job or whatever, so then last night I was thinking some more and came up with an amazing plan! How about I pretend to escape? Then you guys have alibis cause you’ll be looking for me, and then I can hide somewhere safe, like the vents or something I don’t know, and then we can all meet up at some secret place and then we can go prank that Bautista guy together!”

“Dementia, suéltame, por favor,” he tried again, a little stronger this time.

“Oh, lo siento Flug, I didn’t realize you were dying, hah!” Dementia wiggled backwards so her head was on the ground, pressed against his shoulder. Her hair spilled everywhere.

Martin took this chance to grab ahold of his supervisor’s arm and pull him gently into a sitting position. Flug clutched at his chest as he took long, deep gulps of air. He turned his irritated gaze down to his patient.

“Oooh, you got that scary goggle thing going on again,” she giggled. “I was thinking about that too, you know. How you can get all dark and creepy like that. We should totally use that! Like if we run into a guard or something, I can do my crazy person act and you can just, like, stand there doing that without saying anything! And I don’t know what Martin can do, maybe he can be our hostage? I’ve always wanted to take a hostage, this will be great!”

“I’m not gonna be your hostage,” the intern grumbled.

“Oh don’t be a party pooper, it’ll be fun! You won’t even have to do much, just let me stand right behind you with my teeth at your neck! Fun, right?”

“Why the hell would I think that’s fun? Who even thinks that’s fun?!”

“Of course it’s fun, you just –”

“Did you…were you awake the whole night last night?” Flug cut her off. He stared, concerned, at the impressive dark circles under her eyes.

“What? No, don’t be ridiculous,” Dementia turned her head away from him, mashing one cheek into the padded floor. “You’re just projecting your problems on me.”

“No, I’m pretty sure you’re sleep deprived, Dementia.” He twisted sideways to look at her face again. “Were you just too excited to sleep?”

“That was, that was part of it, yeah…” The inmate trailed off, eyes not meeting her doctor’s. She wilted just a bit.

“Do you want to tell me the other part?”

“I…” She chewed her lip. “I just had a nightmare, is all. It wasn’t that bad. I’m fine.”

“Did you want to talk about it?”

Dementia only looked away, so Flug laid back down so she was on his right side. He gestured for Martin to do the same on his left side. The intern complied, and the three of them stayed there silently for a solid minute before their patient spoke again.

“There were birds.” Her head was hidden by her hair. Flug couldn’t see her expression.

“Birds? Like domestic birds?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Dementia turned to look at him. “Someone shot them and it hurt.”

“Hurt you? It hurt you to watch them get shot?”

“It hurt,” she repeated. Her eyes unfocused. “It really hurt.”

“Okay. Okay, I understand. Dreams aren’t fun.” He backed off. “So, I only caught about half of what you were saying earlier, after you tackled me so nicely.”

“Heh, yeah, I should be a football player.”

“But I did catch that you wanted to be let out, and I can tell you right now that’s not gonna happen.”

“What?!” She jolted up. “Why not?”

“First of all, because I would probably lose my job regardless of whether you escaped or I let you out. You’re my patient and the institute doesn’t take that kind of thing lightly. Second, I’m starting to realize that I’m probably not going to do any actual pranking. My office is in the opposite direction of Bautista’s, I’d have no reason to be anywhere near his door.”

Martin sat up at this, and both teenagers stared at Flug in disbelief.

“So, you’re gonna…are you calling it off?” The intern stammered out.

“No I’m not, especially since your friends are still coming and probably have something planned.” He reached up and tugged at his bag. “But I don’t think I’ll really be much help. I had some ideas, sure, but there’s not a way for me to carry them out without getting caught. Or at least without becoming a suspect. I really, really didn’t think this through enough.”

“No, you really didn’t.” Dementia said, bouncing one knee against the floor. “So now what? I can’t call off my buddy either, it’s too short notice. He’ll be pissed and I’ll be out of a favor. That’s gonna suck.”

“You don’t need to call anything off,” Martin declared suddenly. He shrank a little when the other two looked his way. “I mean, your biggest problem is that you can’t do anything directly, right? So just…tell me what you wanted to do. I can relay it to my friends. They’ve probably figured a plan out, they’re really excited for this.”

Flug tapped at one corner of his headwear. “Are you sure? You realize that if someone gets caught, it’ll most likely fall on you. You know that, right?”

“I know,” the intern straightened his back. “But I trust my friends. They’ll figure out a way, they always do, and they won’t rat me out. And besides, I’m really sick of that guy pushing me around. Pushing us around. I can do this.”

They watched him quietly, but Martin locked his jaw and did his best to look more confident than he felt. Dementia was satisfied first, because she snorted and scooted over to him like a snake.

“Congrats, pal, you’re officially a delinquent. Welcome to the delinquent club.”

The psychiatrist continued to stare at his intern. His goggles betrayed no emotion. Then he gave a longsuffering sigh and reached for his forgotten clipboard.

“Well, now that we’ve decided to throw ourselves to the wolves together, how about we get on with this therapy session like normal doctors and patients, yeah? Dementia, was it just the dream that unsettled you or was there anything else keeping you awake?”

….

At the end of the session, Martin trailed behind his supervisor all the way back to Flug’s office. Neither one spoke beyond a few questions and answers about interacting with inmates. At his door, the psychiatrist turned and appraised his intern one more time.

“I’m not kidding about this, you know. Best case scenario if you get caught, you’ll lose this job. Maybe be barred from working here. Worst case is that you get sued. Or arrested on vandalism charges. I really don’t know what else to say.”

“I, I get it.” Martin said, clenching his hands. “But I’m in this all the way, Dr. Slys. I won’t let you down.”

That expressionless look came back over Flug’s face. A closed-off, calculating demeanor that made the teenager shiver for a reason he couldn’t place.

“Alright then. See you in the aftermath.”

Flug disappeared into his office without another word.

.

.

12:00

Martin sat at an open desk in the front lobby and pretended to work on his paperwork. His hand gripped a shaking pen, and he stared down at words that hadn’t made sense for over ten minutes. He couldn’t back out now. The group would be here any minute and he couldn’t back out now.

The front doors opened with a rush of crowd conversations, making the intern jump and nearly snap his pen. He watched as a solid twenty to thirty college students came into the building all at once, abuzz with excitement. There was a professor and a teaching assistant leading them.

Someone in a navy ballcap met Martin’s gaze, his eyes widening in recognition. Martin pursed his lips and shook his head just a little. The last thing he needed was for his coworkers to realize that he knew anyone in the group.

Then three people in institute uniform came out of another door to the right, and stepped up to the tour group with professional smiles. One of them was a woman Martin didn’t know. Another was Dr. Rorschach herself.

The third was Bautista.

“Hello, students of Ituriel University! I’m proud to welcome you here at the Global Psychiatric Medical Center for the Criminally Insane. I’m Dr. Lauren Rorschach, head director of this institute, and…”

Martin zoned out of the director’s speech, choosing instead to scan the crowd for other familiar faces. The one in the navy ballcap – that was Sidney, he realized – had grouped up with four others, who were alternating between staring around the lobby and staring at Martin. He risked tapping the pen to his lips, once, twice, and they got the message quick enough.

Eventually Dr. Rorschach beckoned towards another door, and the tour group followed close behind. Martin waited until everyone was gone before standing up swiftly and gathering his paperwork in his arms. He entered through the same door and kept pace about four meters behind the students, scanning blankly over the top page in his stack and acting all the world like he wasn’t paying attention.

The group turned the corner, but when the intern followed he nearly smacked headfirst into Sidney, who grinned and didn’t say a word. Martin peered over his shoulder and saw that Bautista had stopped the tour in front of his own office door, explaining what was required of the psychiatrists when they weren’t actively working with patients.

Sidney took an easy step backwards, closer to Martin, and his four friends shifted towards the back of the group at the same time. The teenager’s eyes darted to each of them. John, Esmerelda, Abdullah, and Leslie.

“Hey,” Sidney whispered, smile in his greeting. “That’s the guy, right?”

“Yeah, and his office.” Martin whispered back. “My boss said he can’t help you directly. Sorry.”

“Eh, I figured.” The student’s mouth quirked as if he found everything very amusing. “Anything we need to know?”

“You’re visiting a group session at some point, and I’ve got word that someone there’s gonna help you. Don’t know how. Also, my boss said no property damage, he’s worried about vandalism charges.”

“Cool. I’m sure something’ll come up. You better clear out before they see you.”

“Good luck,” Martin said as he swiveled the other way. His four other friends all gave their own smiles or nods, silent as phantoms.

They could do this. He trusted his friends, and Flug trusted him. He just needed to go about his day, and stay away from the tour group, and wait for news. His stomach roiled with stress, but he squashed it down and buried his mouth against his workload. They smelled strongly of paper and ink, and Martin wondered if Flug smelled something similar with the bag over his face.

He shook his head and continued on his way. No one noticed he’d ever been there.

.

.

14:30

The tour was set up to go for nearly four hours. They visited the indoor gym, the outdoor gardens, the medical ward, the empty orientation rooms on the first floor. They stopped for lunch at 13:30 in the staff break room, eating and talking and chattering over the impressive facility.

Abdullah mentioned how the office hallways all led to either the front lobby or the break room, and how interesting that set-up was. Leslie guessed it was probably an easy escape route if an inmate got out and came after anyone. John thought it was dumb, that it was more of a maze than a real floor plan. Esmerelda didn’t say anything.

Sidney just grinned.

At 14:30, Dr. Bautista and his associate came back in and announced that Dr. Rorschach wouldn’t be joining them on the remainder of the tour due to a meeting with another psychiatrist. He then announced that the institute had given them permission to show the students a group arts-and-craft session for less dangerous inmates. It would be starting very soon, so everyone needed to pack up their food and grab their stuff.

The session was held on the second floor, which meant that each student had to have their body scanned for metal objects and their backpacks searched for suspicious items. Nothing could be allowed that might give an inmate a chance for, well, anything.

Over twenty of the students had writing utensils, rulers, and various other sharp objects that couldn’t be taken upstairs, but none of them wanted to leave their bags out in the open, too used to guarding their things from potential thieves on-campus. So the institute staff compromised and took everyone’s stuff back to the break room, which was locked from the outside and safe from harm until the tour came back.

By the time everything was sorted out, it was 15:11 and they were running late to the group session.

Dr. Bautista, thoroughly irritated by the hold up and lack of foresight, hurried the group upstairs to a large room guarded by three men in security outfits. He turned around to address the tour before they went inside.

“I don’t need to remind any of you that being in this room is a privilege. You are all very young, but you’re also psychology students from Ituriel University, which means that I expect you to do exactly as I tell you without argument. Do not interact with any of the inmates unless we explicitly say it is okay. Do not approach an inmate unless we say it is okay. Do not do or say anything in this room, unless we say it is okay. Do I make myself clear?”

There was a various assortment of verbal assent from the students, and Dr. Bautista turned around without acknowledging it. Near the back of the group, Leslie rolled her eyes and whispered, “what a douche”, just quiet enough that the tour leaders in front couldn’t hear it.

Half the students snickered.

Everyone sobered up quickly, however, as they stepped through the doorway. About eight long tables were in the room, lined so that four of them ran parallel to the other four. Inmates sat with simple crafting tools – nothing sharp or hot – and were working quietly amongst themselves. Twelve guards lined the walls.

Dr. Bautista walked up to the nearest table and looked down at the beaded necklace a patient was making. He murmured something to the man, whose face tightened but didn’t stop working. The group watched quietly as their tour leader faced them.

“As you can see, the patients here are very well-behaved. Most of them have either been on the 2nd floor for their entire incarceration, or they have been rehabilitated enough that their privileges extend to having session on this floor. But at any time, that privilege can be revoked. We, as psychiatrists, are here to make sure that these patients will not be a danger to themselves or others, and offering incentive to change is one of our tried-and-true methods of rehabilitation.”

As he spoke, an inmate from two tables down stood up with a jar in his hands. He was a giant, burly man with a bull tattoo visible all the way up his arm. He shuffled in the direction of the group with his head down and eyes on the jar he held.

Esmerelda stiffened where she stood, watching the man. Sidney glanced her way, then coolly set his eyes to Dr. Bautista, whose back was turned to the patient coming their way. None of the guards seemed concerned by the man’s behavior – he looked only as if he was going to refill his art supplies.

But then, less than two meters away from the oblivious psychiatrist, the inmate suddenly took a few giant strides and lifted his jar high above Bautista’s head. Security shouted to warn about the threat but it was too late.

Sparkling pink glitter fell from the upturned container like fairy dust, covering Bautista with a shower from hell. He spluttered and staggered forward as the glitzy stuff got into his eyes and mouth, just in time to miss three guards grabbing at the inmate, who calmly dropped the glitter jar and held his hands above his head.

The other patients burst out laughing as one unit, cheering and whistling at the bizarre sight of a sparkling, stumbling psychiatrist who left a literal trail of pink glitter in the air behind him as he moved. The tour professor looked horrified, and his teaching assistant had clapped a hand to her mouth to keep her snort to herself. The students had no such qualms about hiding their amusement.

Everyone was ushered out of the room and downstairs in a heartbeat by several red-faced guards while the rest tried to sort out the chaos.

Sidney tilted his head to the left as the tour group was pushed back into the staff break room. A guard apologized and asked for patience, and promised that once things were straightened out, then the tour would go on as usual. She pointed to an opposite door – also the same door that led to the staff offices – and reminded them that restrooms were in that direction. The professor followed her out, arguing about wasting valuable time and asking what the head director could possibly be doing that was more important than the pandemonium going on right now.

Soon it was just the students and the teaching assistant, and Sidney tilted his head to the right, catching the eyes of his friends. He smiled with all of his teeth. Someone smirked in reply.

They had work to do.

.

.

15:00

When Flug stepped into Dr. Rorschach’s office, she had already set up the video call on her computer, and was waiting at her desk with her hands folded over a pencil and paper.

“Not one second too late or too early as usual, Doctor. Your dedication to punctuality is amazing.” She said pleasantly, gesturing for him to sit in the chair next to her. He wasted no time in doing so.

Inspector Daniels stared at both of them from the screen. Only his top half was visible, and he wore the same Interpol uniform from the day Flug had met him, back when this entire fiasco had started.

It felt like months ago.

“Dr. Slys,” the Inspector nodded cordially. He glanced down at something unseen, then lifted his gaze back up. “Before we begin, I have to ask if either of you have any cellular devices or anything that can be used to record conversations.”

Flug blinked twice, then pulled out his phone from his coat pocket. Dr. Rorschach brought out two phones and then opened a drawer, out from which came a walkie-talkie. They placed all the tech on the desk.

“Is that everything?” Daniels asked. They both nodded. “Alright. Now I must ask you to turn them all off, please. This meeting is confidential.”

The doctor did so easily, but his boss’ face became pinched.

“With all due respect, Inspector, these devices ensure that my employees can contact me in times of emergencies. I can turn off some of them, not all of them. I have to be available for any situation.”

“I understand your position, Dr. Rorschach,” the inspector said smoothly. “But you also have to understand that, again, this meeting is confidential, and Interpol cannot risk having information leak through. We cannot even have the potential of a leak. I’m sure you realize how dangerous this individual is.”

They stared at each other, with narrowed eyes and set jaws, until Dr. Rorschach relented and switched off all three devices. Daniels made a ‘hmm’ noise and looked down again.

“Are there any audio or visual recording devices set up in this room, such as a security camera?”

“No,” the director said, completely honest. “I don’t believe require staff to have cameras in their personal offices. Nothing is in this room that could compromise or record our conversation.”

“Good, good.” The inspector studied Flug a moment. “How have you been, Dr. Slys? I received your report and was pleased that you hadn’t, ah…sustained any major injuries yet.”

Flug tactfully ignored the tacked on ‘yet’ and sat back in his chair. “I’ve been well, thank you. Progress with the patient has been slow, but so far every encounter has been meaningful, even if it doesn’t appear that way to the naked eye.”

Or to me, he thought, considering how much I’ve been pissing Black Hat off lately.

“I’m aware you were the one who requested this meeting, correct? May I ask why?”

“I was,” Flug considered his words. “I was under the impression that the patient’s collar was a shock collar, from the…way he has reacted sometimes when it beeps. But recently I was in a conversation with a member of our security force who implied that, that Black Hat has…supernatural powers? And that his collar b-blocks it somehow?”

Daniels’ face didn’t change from its stony neutrality, so Flug continued.

“So whatever the case, I – it would help me greatly if I understood exactly what I’m working with. Lowering potential for a leak.”

The inspector remained quiet, and Flug exchanged a confused glance with his director. But as he opened his mouth to ask another question, the Interpol officer cut him off.

“Have you ever seen the aftermath of one of Black Hat’s crimes?”

Flug’s mouth clicked shut. He thought about the report on the last psychiatrist who had tried to work with Black Hat. The visuals made him shudder.

“Yes, I have.”

“I’m not talking about the photos from the case file we sent you, Dr. Slys. I’m asking if you’ve ever seen what happens after that creature decides to go on a rampage.”

“I…no. I haven’t.”

“I thought as much,” Daniels looked at both of them. “Did you know that Black Hat once killed fifteen American SWAT members in less than a minute?”

No, he didn’t know that.

“Are you aware that after he did so, Black Hat then proceeded to phase through the wall of a nearby government building and decapitated five United Nations representatives in a single instant?”

No, he wasn’t aware of that, either.

“Do you know how we know he did it?” The inspector leaned forward. “The SWAT team carried body cameras. That government building contained state of the art surveillance. Everything glitched out in his presence. The only reliable video footage was near the end of the killing spree, when Black Hat reverted to the form you know him as, and the cameras came back online just in time to catch him straightening his tie. Do you want to know how we know he did everything else I mentioned?”

No, no, I don’t want to know. But tell me anyway.

“Because of the blood. The clearing where the SWAT team was stationed looked like the filming site for Saw VII. They were torn apart like nothing we had ever seen before. We know Black Hat phased through the wall because he left a blood trail that couldn’t phase with him, so it left a near-perfect replica of his silhouette against the vertical concrete. We know he killed the UN representatives at the exact same time because our forensics team found matching rates of body cooling and lack of blood coagulation in all five bodies.”

Dr. Rorschach was white. Flug’s hands clenched at his lab coat under the desk.

“I’m not a religious man, Dr. Slys, but I can say openly and honestly that whatever that creature is, it’s not Earthly. That collar around his neck is the only thing keeping him here. Forget the straitjacket, forget the reinforced titanium walls, the guns, the guards. Those are just precautions to keep him at bay as an almost-human thing. Because without that collar, everything else means jack shit.”

“So h-how,” Flug managed, “how does the collar do it?”

“I’ll tell you, both of you, but I need to remind you that what I say in this room stays one hundred percent confidential. Don’t tell security. Don’t tell the other psychiatrists. Don’t tell your friends or family members. No one. The last thing we need is for this science to be replicated by anyone with more dubious morality. Or worse, for Black Hat to learn any more about it than he already knows.”

Flug looked down at the pencil and empty sheet of paper he had brought for this meeting. Slowly, he crumpled it into a ball and dropped it into the waste basket by the desk. Daniels gave him a tight smile.

“Alright then. This collar is state of the art technology. You’ve probably noticed how bulky it is, right? That’s because of its contents. It’s programmed to measure body mass.”

“I’m sorry, what? Body mass?” Flug felt his brow visibly furrow.

“That’s what I said. Down to the picogram. And it’s not like those high school chemistry scales either. It doesn’t get altered by movement, or, say, if someone set an iron ball in Black Hat’s hands. It’s programmed to his body mass only, in as near as accurate as we can get. You see, most people have their own body mass, and it can be altered only with layers of clothing, or changes in weight or height. Black Hat’s body doesn’t adhere to those rules.

“When he shapeshifts, or phases through things, that’s what changes his body mass. It shouldn’t, it goes against almost every physics law we know, but that’s what it does. That collar acts as two things. The part around his neck measures his body mass, and it keeps the thing in place so he can’t jolt it. The bulkier part, in the back? It contains a needle that’s connected directly to his spinal cord.”

“What?! Isn’t that, doesn’t that violate his rights?”

“That creature doesn’t have rights.” Daniels replied, eyes grim. “He doesn’t have an age or origin we can track, he holds no citizenship that we know of, and any rights he might have been able to claim have been tossed out the window for decades now, with his criminal record.”

“This is insane,” Flug said aloud, slumping in his seat. “This is absolutely insane. Shit…”

“I’m going to continue, if you don’t mind.” The inspector didn’t wait for their confirmation. “As I said, it’s connected into his spinal cord at the base of his neck. If and when the collar recognizes a change in body mass, no matter how small, that needle is automatically plunged deeper, which cuts off his ability to move or feel most of his body. It usually only lasts about ten seconds, but we know from experience that if need be, the paralysis effect can stay upwards of six hours.”

Flug grit his teeth. “So, d-did you just provoke him into trying to attack you after the ten seconds were up?”  

“No, of course not,” Daniels looked mildly smug. “We have a remote device that can increase the time span of how long the needle remains injected.”

“If that’s the case, why didn’t you use it during his transfer to this institute?” Dr. Rorschach asked coldly. “If I recall, one Interpol officer’s life was at stake in a confrontation between you and Black Hat. Not to mention, letting Dr. Slys walk into his cell without this device to back him up seems extremely negligent.”

“It was your decision to allow Dr. Slys to do so, Dr. Rorschach.” The inspector replied, eyes narrowed. “In fact, you assured me he was well equipped to handle this creature. If anyone can be accused of negligence, it would be you and your institute, wouldn’t you say?”

“You still haven’t answered either of my questions, Inspector.”

Daniels sighed. “I was worried Black Hat would kill someone, to be frank. The last time we used this device, it was simply to test that it worked, and after the trial was over Black Hat went into a frenzied rage, without setting off the collar, that killed three soldiers. It was by this we learned that the only way the device worked was if Black Hat had already set off the collar on his own. Our scientists are still trying to fix this issue, but we think it might be related to the effect he has on technology in general, especially radio waves and cameras.”

Dr. Rorschach and Inspector Daniels continued discussing this problem, and what could be done to fix it, but Flug had stopped listening. Because he was still hung up on that little detail about being stripped of your free will for six hours.

No wonder he didn’t want to talk about it, the psychiatrist realized. What a horrible, humiliating thing to have to deal with every day. I’d be pissed too.

He looked over to his boss, who was still arguing with the inspector that having the defective remote was better than having nothing at all. Flug didn’t really care either way; he had gotten this far without getting mauled, he’d be fine for a while longer. And the idea of having such a twisted little thing in his pocket when he visited Black Hat was making him feel sick.

“Excuse me? Inspector Daniels?” The doctor asked, getting the attention of both superiors. “You, uh, mentioned that Black Hat doesn’t know everything about the collar. How much does he know?”

“Not enough to be dangerous,” Daniels said. “He knows that it’s a restraining device, and he knows about the needle because he can feel it in his spine. I have no doubt he’s figured out that it’s related to activating his powers, although we never explained that to him. And I’m almost certain he doesn’t know about the remote control’s restrictions. We’re very lucky that Black Hat has never been well-versed in technology.”

Flug’s hands twitched. “Thank you, Inspector. I’ll be sure to u-use this knowledge carefully and to the best of my ability from now on. I’m afraid I have other things to attend to today. Is there anything else you needed to tell me?”

Daniels shook his head, and Flug thanked him again before getting up on unsteady feet. Dr. Rorschach stared up at him, obvious protest in her face, but he just shook his head.

“I’m sorry for leaving so soon, but I think there’s not much more I can learn from this meeting. If you come to a decision about me receiving the controller, then please let me know when you can.”

“Actually,” the inspector said, looking down again. “My time is about up for now as well. Dr. Rorschach, I feel that you and I can continue this conversation at a later date. You seem to have things handled well over there, and your psychiatrist doesn’t appear concerned. I’ll bid you both adieu. Dr. Rorschach, Dr. Slys.”

With that, Daniels cut the transmission and left Lauren fuming and Flug in deceptive silence. Without a word both of them turned on their phones again, and the director made a surprised noise that had her employee look her way.

“What’s the matter?”

“There’s been a situation on the 2nd floor, come with me.”

So he went with her, and stayed quiet as she called someone while they walked.

“This is Dr. Rorschach, I just finished with my meeting, what’s – what? Slow down! Bautista was attacked by an inmate?”

That had both of them halting in their tracks. Flug stood awkwardly as his boss listened to a voice he couldn’t make out. Then she snapped “I’ll be right there” and hung up the phone.

“What’s going on? What happened?”

“An inmate assaulted Dr. Bautista during the university tour, and they’ve been trying to get ahold of me for over half an hour. Supposedly it was Inmate #244, real name unknown, alias Metauro. He dropped a ‘glitter bomb’ on our coworker while he was showing the arts and craft room to the tour group.”

“O-Oh? That’s b-bizarre.”

“It’s about to get more bizarre, because while he went home to change, someone wrecked his office.”

Flug tripped on air and nearly faceplanted. “I’m sorry, wrecked his office?!”

“That’s what I’ve been told. Security hasn’t figured out who did it yet.” Dr. Rorschach’s heels clicked on the flooring with urgency. “They think it might have been some of the students, but haven’t found any evidence yet.”

“Ah, okay, uh…why am I coming?”

“Because you have an amazing eye for detail, Doctor, so you’re going to help security comb through the wreckage while I talk to people.”

Too soon they were at Bautista’s open door, where several guards were standing, taking pictures and arguing with each other about being lax on security. Everyone stepped to attention when they saw the head director.

“Dr. Slys, do whatever you need in here. Take pictures, ask around, anything. Try not to disturb the scene too much but otherwise I’m giving you free reign until I can find our chief of security.” She peered into the room and her face went carefully blank.

“What? Is it bad?” Flug was really, really hoping it wasn’t too bad.

“Huh,” Dr. Rorschach said. “Well, now I know why they think it was the students.”

She turned around and grabbed the nearest guard, dragging him with her in whatever direction the students were in. Flug headed to Bautista’s door and was very grateful that the noise he made sounded like shock.

The office wasn’t wrecked as he’d feared. Instead, blank lined paper balls covered the floor, leaving no trace of carpet anywhere. A lamp near the left corner had its shade switched out with the waste basket. A bookshelf on the right had its contents rearranged so that the first letters of several titles spelled out the word ‘asshole’ in a more subtle but still noticeable message.

The window was filled with sharpie penises and the Cool S, making it extremely difficult to see in or out. The computer had been covered by the waste basket’s liner. There was a single piece of paper on the desk with something written on it, so Flug waded into the room to look at it.

Beautiful Bautista Bastard

Underneath that was a rushed sketch of a tall man wearing a tutu, with fairy wings and a glowing wand. Small penciled dots littered the page behind the mand and the doctor snorted as he realized it was supposed to represent fairy dust. Or whatever that ‘glitter bomb’ had been.

Without blinking, Flug took his phone out and held down the camera button. He panned around the office from the left to the right, making sure to catch everything. His boss had told him to take pictures, so he was taking pictures.

She’d never said he couldn’t keep them. She’d also never said he couldn’t show them to two certain someones.

Really, he was just doing his duty.

.

.

.

(And maybe Black Hat would have some input to give as well)

Heyyy it's out! Sorry for the delay, this was a doozy of a chapter and some of the scenes weren't coming out like I wanted them to. I hope you all enjoy this update, because there are some important info drops here. Sounds like Flug is more concerned about Black Hat's rights than his own safety, hmhmhm.

[bethhxrmon]

All I Ask of You Pt. 30

“What if it’s you, what if it’s me, what if that’s all that we needed to be?” - “Only Us” from Dear Evan Hansen

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female OC

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: None, actually, I don’t think???

Summary: Some things are taken care of

A/N: Sorry, this is a little late because I was watching Rent Live, but now I’ve shown I can still create fluff, wow!!!! I love hearing from you guys, and don’t forget the masterlist is in my bio! (Also holy crap I’m over 100k words)

Light started to leak into the room, slowly causing Annie to wake up. She started to move herself only for Peter to pull her closer.

“You should stay,” he murmured softly.

Annie smiled a little, “M’kay, but we have to get up soon.”

“Nah, just stay asleep,” Peter mumbled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

She laughed a little bit, resting her head in the crook of his neck, “If you say so.”

It didn’t take much convincing to get Annie to stay laying down on the couch with Peter. They were a tangle of arms and legs after both of them shifting around during the night. Peter was playing with Annie’s hair gently, only to end up getting his hand caught in the tangles.

“Sorry, I um… oh jeez, I’m so sorry,” Peter said, trying to get his hand out.

Annie giggled, “It’s fine, and you’re really pretty.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep,” she replied, kissing him on the cheek.

She didn’t have a hard time getting lost in Peter’s eyes. The light was reflecting off of them, making his eyes look like they were glowing with the golden rays of sunlight. He smiled softly, and Annie still couldn’t believe that they were together. Sure, it was just them trying to be together, but she couldn’t imagine not being with him. His eyes kept darting from her own to her lips and then back to her eyes and she found herself doing the same thing. Annie quickly pressed her lips to his.

Both of them jumped when they heard a click and looked up to see Harper and Ned standing with Peter’s polaroid. The other teens looked like they were doing their best to not burst out into laughter.

“You guys are so cute!” Ned exclaimed.

Harper smirked, “I told you that this was gonna happen at some point. You owe me some ice cream, my dude.”

“Wh-what? I-I don’t think this is what it looks like,” Peter stammered, his face starting to get red.

Annie sat up, “I think it’s exactly what it looks like.”

“You guys stayed up really late,” Harper said, “And you guys were doing some romantic beautiful stuff, and you fell asleep in the care of each other’s arms… or something like that. Point is, we caught you red handed and we now have a picture of you two being so damn cute.”

“Actually it was a midnight mental breakdown, but same difference,” Annie deadpanned.

Harper looked at Annie, “You’re joking, right? That’s supposed to be a joke, yeah?”

“No, I found her while she was having this huge panic attack, but I mean, it got taken care of… that didn’t make it sound much better, did it?” Peter said, sighing.

Annie shook her head, “I know, it’s not great, but I’m gonna talk about some mental help or whatever. I mean, we all know this is because of the Tina deal and the dude I killed.”

“Who killed a dude?” Tony asked, walking in, “You’re all actually up, what happened?”

Pepper sighed, “There doesn’t have to be something happening for them to all be up right now.”

“Um they’re literally talking about murder, something’s happening that I don’t think we were supposed to hear. But oh well, what’s going on?” Tony questioned, looking at the teens.

Annie grimaced, “Great, I didn’t think I’d have to do this in front of everyone. But we all know I killed someone on accident, and that’s kinda wearing on me on top of everything else… so I kinda wanna maybe possibly eventually, if it’s not too much trouble, look around at some options for me as far as therapy goes?”

“Yes, we can definitely look at some options, we can talk about it after breakfast,” Pepper offered.

Peter had an arm around Annie, “See, that wasn’t too hard, was it?”

“Shut up,” Annie muttered, leaning against him.

“Hey, no PDA in this house. I don’t need any weird mutant babies when we get back,” Tony said, looking at them.

Peter tilted his head, “I don’t think that’s possible, Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah… um… you kinda need… well, I don’t wanna give a sex ed lesson to a grown man-”

“I’m just giving you two shit, go get something to eat and then go ahead and talk to Pepper. Pete, I think I figured out something that might solve our problem earlier,” Tony said before leaving.

Even though Annie knew it was right, and it was her only real option at this point, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go and talk to Pepper about everything that had happened. What if all that happened was that she’d have to tell her parents? Wasn’t that the only way she could get any real kind of help? Annie knew that the minute she told her parents about everything, it was over. There was no way that either of them would keep everything a secret. That and she could kiss her chances of being a superhero goodbye. She wouldn’t be able to make up for her mistakes, and she wouldn’t be able to help defeat Carnival.

At the same time, she wouldn’t have to lie about going all the way across the country if they were going to tell her parents at the first sign of trouble. Then again, there were other things she could use as an excuse for a therapist. Lying parents, previous eating disorders, stress of losing someone who had still been her friend, there were options for her.

Maybe she needed more help than she was caring to admit in that moment.

After breakfast, Annie walked to the other cabin. It was sunny outside and she could still smell the pines everywhere. The air was so clean that she couldn’t imagine going back to New York without feeling like she was choking on smog.

She walked in, closing the door gently behind her. It wasn’t hard to find Pepper since she was sitting on a computer. Annie cleared her throat before tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

“Oh, so sorry, Annie, I was just taking care of some work,” Pepper replied, turning around.

Annie shrugged, “It’s no biggie, if you um… if you need me to wait a minute, I can just chill here or come back later.”

“No, you don’t need to do that. I can take care of this stuff later. So, where do you want to start?” Pepper asked, turning back to make sure the computer was closed down.

Annie frowned, “Well, you see, I want help for the… well, is it bad if I say everything? But I don’t want my parents to know or anything. Like, the thought of them knowing I killed a guy or that I was trapped in a burning building is a bit too much. Hell, I don’t even want them knowing I have powers.”

“You can say everything, I don’t know everything you’ve gone through, but I’ve heard some things. And just hearing you talk about certain things is enough to tell me that getting you some kind of help is a good option. Of course, I wasn’t about to force you to get anything that you didn’t want to, but now that you’ve come to me, we can look at some options,” Pepper said, looking at Annie.

“What sorts of options?”

“We can get you therapy, and we can work around things based off of what your parents already know. So, what issues do they have an idea about already?”

Annie rocked back and forth before starting to pace, “Um… it was years ago, but I used to have anorexia, well, most likely. That’s another can of worms… but they know that when Tina died, she was my friend. They’re having a ton of relationship problems. That’s enough to see a therapist too, right? I mean, if you’ve heard them go off with each other, I’d say they need some sessions too. And then… oh! My ex killed himself last summer, that’s not a fun thing to deal with.”

“Oh, that’s quite a lot to deal with in the first place… see, if they consent to it, I can find you a confidential psychiatrist who wouldn’t tell about your identity and you would be able to trust. I’ve been trying to get Tony to go see her because she’s a genius, honestly, but that’s not the point.”

“Wait, so I still have to wait for them to agree? I mean, that’s cool that I could probably get them to agree, but I’m not sure it looks that great travelling this far and then calling my mom and being like, ‘Hey, can I get a shrink? I’m kinda going crazy’... that’s not gonna go over super well.”

Pepper nodded, “I know that, see, there’s already a lot they don’t know about. Honestly, this kind of lying is almost illegal, but I know why Tony wants to do this. And I feel like this is the perfect time to do it. We can start with some trial sessions over Skype. From there, we can figure out if you like that form of therapy or not.”

“So we’re just gonna act like I’m not seeing anyone until I get home?” Annie questioned.

“Yes, do you think you can convince your parents to see someone when you get back?”

“Oh yeah, at this point I could probably ask to go halfway across the world and one of my parents would agree. And when one of them agrees, I just go with their decision. That’s the only good thing about having parents that can’t stand each other anymore,” she said, shrugging.

Pepper frowned a little, “I know that it’s not exactly my place, but how is your family life?”

“Oh jeez… it’s rough, honestly. The only reason my parents haven’t figured out I’m a superhero is because when I was getting the hang of it, they were cheating on each other. So they moved to try and solve it. And it turns out that even when they’re not cheating it just doesn’t work. Which sucks, like, I’m adopted for Christ’s sake! Adoptive parents are supposed to be prepared and literally can’t be more planned. I’d get it if I were an oopsie baby, but I’m not,” Annie paused, plopping herself into a chair, “Sorry, you probably didn’t want a sob story.”

The woman shook her head, “No, you’re more than fine. You need someone to talk to about this sort of thing. Someone who can actually help you. I get it, kind of. My parents never divorced, but they were miserable the whole time. It feels like it’s your fault, doesn’t it?”

“Everything feels like it’s my fault, actually.”

“It’s not. You’re a teenager and you’ve just made a few mistakes. That’s fine, they’re being fixed. And some of those mistakes were going to happen regardless. A lot of those things are completely out of your control, and you’re better off knowing that it’s not all on you.”

“You really think that?”

“I know that, Annie, and it’s pretty clear to me that you want to get better,” Pepper insisted.

Annie shook her head, “I only said anything because Peter said that he would do something if I didn’t.”

“But the point is that you chose to take that into your hands. You’re responsible for yourself, and that’s going to make things easier for you later on, trust me.”

They both sat in silence for a while. Annie had never talked to Pepper much before. Then again, she had only known Pepper for around a week or so, but she hadn’t expected to find someone that so clearly believed in her. It was almost like having another mom, one that wasn’t constantly gone for work.

Pepper smiled a bit, “So, do you wanna set up an appointment?”

“Yeah, let’s do that. The guys are probably waiting for me to go and help them with some weird web fluid thing,” Annie agreed.

“Alright, then let’s get this figured out.”

It didn’t take much time to reach the psychiatrist. Doctor Stevenson sounded like she was almost excited to hear from Annie. Why in the world someone would be excited about her sob story was beyond her. Maybe the lady really wanted to help her. Or she wanted to hear about her powers. Either way, Annie had an appointment in a few days and she would figure out if she liked talking through her problems or not.

When she left to go help Peter and Tony, she paused at the door, “Um… Miss Potts-”

“Call me Pepper.”

“Okay, um… thanks, I’ve never really tried to fix this sort of thing before, and I have no clue what I’m doing. Just thank you for helping.”

Pepper smiled, “It’s no trouble. If you need anyone to talk to, you can stop by at any time.”

Annie left the cabin smiling, and she went down to the workshop. Hopefully the guys had something figured out while she had been gone. Though, something told her that if anything was going to defeat Carnival, they were going to need a little bit more than the right web fluid.

But that was something to worry about in a couple months.

Tag List: @flushings-here / @ganseysblues / @gaypanda / @parkerpuffwrites / @twilightparker / @buzzinglee / @ijustdontknowsometimes / @lcy-thot / @moonstruckholland / @dolphinsarecuteandstuff / @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy

[wily-one24]

I hope there's not a question limit per ask lol... Paint it Black: 3, 4, 5, 11, 12, 14 and 15 (or as many of those as you feel like answering lol)

Okay, two things.

A. Of *course* there’s no ask limit. I am an attention whore and will talk all day if you encourage me. Ask away!!

B. WTF tumblr? When I reposted that, it was a paragraph basically saying “ask about my fic!”, but now there are NUMBERED QUESTIONS? What? Where was the second half of that post when I came across it in my dash? 

ANSWERS

3. What’s your favourite line of narration?

Oh geez. How the hell am I going to answer that? I have favourite lines per chapter, I have favourite lines per scene! Each part I’m reading at any given moment happens to be my favourite. Every time I reread it, I find something new... and... maybe I suck for saying this... but I think “you’re a fucking genius”, then I get all sad, because I think that was probably one of the last great things I’ll write. I’ve been going downhill ever since... but anyways, to seriously answer your question, I’ll give a few examples... 

 - That face off scene between Regina and Snow, where Snow claims her father was a good man and Regina answers “To you!”, the entire scene is charged and emotional and brings up so much shit between them that was never explored in canon. 

- The flashback of Emma’s tenth birthday (technically collectively, all of the flashbacks, really. They’re angsty as fuck, but so formative in their characterisation that sometimes I forget they’re not actually canon). I have this habit of tearing Emma down to her bare bones and then trying to build her up again. I actually do this with most of my main female characters, and I do apologise for that Buffy, Kaylee, Veronica, Emma, and Alex. You all deserve so much better than me. 

- The scene where Regina is alone in the castle and revisits the old chamber of Leopold’s. It’s hard to read but that is some weird little cathartic release right there. There is some great imagery that I don’t think many people allow Regina when it comes to her healing. Everybody tends to go the “being married to Leopold was a BAD THING” route, without ever really exploring the day to day soul destroying aspect of it. The reality of being the King’s prisoner wife. But giving her the ability and strength to revisit it, so she can finally acknowledge to herself how damaging it was, to close herself off from it both literally and figuratively, and then to be self aware enough to compare that situation to the one she has Emma in. That is empowerment. 

- The parallel scenes of Emma and Henry at the start and the end of the fic. The first being when Henry is so adamant to rescue Emma and curse everyone again just to take them back... and the last where you can see how much indoctrinated he is into the fairy tale land, how much he is drifting from “our world” being the real one, to the fairy tale land being his reality, and how his morality has shifted... but then... he also brings it back by getting vulnerable and shows his concern not just for Emma but for Regina... which also shows great advancement from the child like black/white morality of good vs evil he begins with to an acceptance of a more adult grey-area morality, his willingness to examine the facts and the truth to make up his mind. 

All the minor characters... Nancy (sweet, voiced Nancy), and Miss Edith (poor Miss Edith), Rachel, all the little characters that had such minor parts, but had such great effects in the lives of our main characters. 

Oooh, writing Rumple was fun. I got to write him as nobody really does. As that creepy reptilian imp from the first few flashbacks in S1. Before they really woobified him. The hysteric giggling, maniacal creature who smelled the air and exuded pure malice. It was really enjoyable writing him like that. 

Well, this went terribly off topic... anyway, yes, flashback scenes and confrontation scenes, be they between Snow and Regina, Emma and Regina, Regina and Maleficent, Emma and Snow, Emma and Henry... it’s in emotion that the true power of the fic lives. 

4. What’s your favourite line of dialogue?

oh, this is harder than the first. It would take me ages to reread this fic (and now I most likely am, thanks) to really go through it and cherry pick my favourites. But, if a line has happened to truly hit home and resonate with you as a reader, it most likely did the same for me. I remember quite a few times writing this fic, thinking “holy fuck!” and knowing, just knowing, that it was definitely the line to write. 

5. What part was the hardest to write?

The first two chapters. Up until the pivotal moment where Regina heals Emma, those were difficult to write and definitely difficult to read. I’ve had many readers tell me they were about to give up, bc it was too much torture porn to enjoy, but that moment specifically was a turning point for them because it built up the trust that I could and would reign Regina in beyond the point of no forgiveness or return. 

11. What do you like best about this fic?

I liked writing it. 

It took me to some pretty intense places. Fic writing, for me, has always been a form of therapy. I work through to some pretty intense fucking emotions through the angst of it all. Like, no, I have never been magically transported to a fairy tale land, collared, enslaved, and held against my will for the sake of my family and community’s lives... but if you look deeper in my life at the time, I had just been through a pretty horrific pregnancy that nearly killed me, my spouse and I separated, and I was left ill, recovering, and a single mother of a toddler and infant. I felt like I was being ripped apart from all angles, forced into a live of servitude for the betterment of everyone around me at the cost of myself. Even, though, like Emma, I didn’t blame them, it was still a period of mourning and loss.

I didn’t realise it at the time. This revelation happened years later when rereading the fic and trying to see where all the emotions had been coming from. It happens a lot with some of my more intense, dramatic, and (strangely enough) most popular fics. I don’t always see the correlation to my life at the time, but if I look back I can generally trace the rationality behind what my muse was trying to work through. 

12. What do you like least about this fic?

The polarisation. The controversy. That fucking chapter fucking four. I still cannot reread that chapter without having to take a step back and breathe. That scene has some good imagery, but even now sometimes I just skip it. It’s not worth the shakes or unease or... ugh, just thinking about it upsets me. 

I made a mistake in the tagging and I learned from it, but holy fuck was I attacked at the time and used as a sacrifical cow to the radfems. It was, honestly, surprising to me. Not only the reaction, but the harshness of it, all the accusation and personal attacks aimed at me.  

I mean, I knew the fic was always going to be confronting to some. It dealt with some pretty hard issues and subject matter. I had warned for all the violence and non/dub con. But... I didn’t expect or prepare for the backlash in including a male, even if the male used was... just used... and never actually amounted to anything more than a tool for Regina to control/bind/further entrench Emma to her own will in one scene. 

I, very naively, went into it thinking “surprise!”, and that an almost canon past pairing that was heavily explored in the actual show would not be controversial in the least. More fool me, I suppose. I definitely went back to re-tag it, I apologised. I am not sure what else I could have done, but to this day this fic is held up as an example of queer baiting and everything wrong with false lesbianism. And it is definitely used as an example by biphobic people as to why bisexual women cannot be trusted as we’re all “really straight women at heart”.

To be fair, I never explicitly labelled the fic as “lesbian”. I begin all my fics (no matter how AU or ‘out there’) from a canon stand point. Meaning, everything that happened in the show up to that point counts. Which includes every prior relationship both Emma and Regina had been in up to the Season One finale. Which, surprise, were with men!! 

14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

I don’t know if there’s anything they should ‘learn’, but I definitely hope readers realise that this is in NO WAY AN EXAMPLE OF A HEALTHY BDSM RELATIONSHIP. It is not meant to be a guide, a ‘how to’, or a ‘goal’. This is an incredibly fucked up way for two already fucked up characters, to find some kind of semblance of existence in a world/s stacked up against them from the very start. I didn’t think I needed to state that out loud, but apparently I had to. Many times.  

If not that... then definitely I hope perhaps some of the writing made people think about the characters more in depth, or differently, that it gave the reader a new way of thinking about the show and the storylines/characters in it.  

15. What did you learn from writing this fic?

Tagging. Tagging fucking matters. Tag properly. Like, just do it. 

In all seriousness, though... I think I learned a lot about my own trauma. 

I also think my writing developed throughout the fic. There is a definite shift from the first two chapters... you can definitely see where it became less of a short one off smutty fic set up and more of an in depth angsty character exploration of the soul kinda thing. 

I learned about set up and development and bringing in stray bits of plot development later in the story to tie up loose ends.