#ghostly encounters in the undead zone

[the-inkwell-variable]

writing share tag

thank you for the tag, @theink-stainedfolk! i've written a little more for Ghostly Encounters in the Undead Zone, so here you go, for my share!

“Wait – Jules’s first time is going to be in a high school?  That's fucked up.”

Live shone his flashlight through the broken glass window of the door, shivering as another chill evening breeze cut through his denim jacket.  “Not really.  Mine was in a Laundromat.”

Jacqui spread her fingers wide.  “Mine,” she informed the group in dramatically hushed tones, “was a fully furnished – yet completely abandoned – basement apartment.”

Live didn't even look away from the window.  “Jacqui, we're seven years postpoc.  Everything's abandoned.”

“And how is that more fucked up than a high school?” Johanna demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.  Another gust of cold wind bit through her sweater, but she refused to let her body tremble.  She was not going to let them know that they were right about her choice of clothing, damn it.

Jacqui pointed at her stubbed ear.  “Where did you think that happened?”

“I was hoping to never find out.”. Johanna flipped her azure-dip-dyed black hair over her shoulder.

[yodeler12]

A Gentlemanly DPxDC Prompt

So after watching Caped Crusader and enjoying much of it, especially The Gentleman Ghost, I have also watched some Brave and the Bold, and he features prominently. After searching for interactions between him and Danny Phantom, I found none. 😲

Prompt time:

Someone in the mortal realm has used dark artifacts to summon the spirits of thousands of undead criminals to do their bidding and commit crimes.

Danny finds out something fishy is going on, when half a dozen ghostly criminals (Old West gunslingers maybe) rob Amity Park National Bank. As he returns them to the Ghost Zone, he's approached by Walker (this can work with regular Danny or Ghost King Danny) who begrudgingly seeks his help because dozens of the actual criminals he had imprisoned have escaped into the mortal realm beyond his reach.

Danny tracks the criminals to Gotham or London where he encounters James Craddock and Batman and company trying to stop him, maybe early in Batman's career before he got access to nth metal through Hawkman, maybe he teaches Jason how to be ghostly.

I don't think the fight would be too much of a challenge for Danny, but Craddock can do the regular ghostly things: teleport, portal, overshadow, shoot ecto-beams and ecto-bullets. Plus he's got an army of undead criminals.

Maybe Craddock ends up with Walker for 'breaking the rules'

[leidensygdom]

The Watchers

So, the watchers! They’re definitely the one homebrew thing I post more often. It’s going to be a bit hard to fully explain them, as they’re big spoiler zone to my players, as they’re pretty much the main enemy and mystery in my game, but I’ll do my best!

Watchers are essentially crystal-based undead creatures. How they came to be isn’t exactly clear, as they keep the process to become one as secret as possible. But being a watcher comes with few advantages: You of course do not age, so as long as you have a magic source to feed on you can live indefinitely. 

Watchers aren't bound to a physical form either: Their crystal bodies can be shaped from any crystal (which are incredibly common in Remyra) and can be broken without really killing them at all. They can travel between crystals as long as there is enough proximity, and most of them do not even bother with a physical body unless they want to interact with the world. Their name comes from their observant nature: For the most part, you will notice their presence by the vague eye-shapes that crystals around you seem to form whenever they are looking at you.

The one way to kill them is through the destruction of their Seed. It acts as a phylactery of sorts, and it's located in the middle of their Chorus:

The Chorus (I finally decided on the name after yesterday’s poll, thank you!) is this crystal structure. Basically, an anthropomorphic representation -made out of crystal- lies at the center, while huge crystal spikes point outward from it. Corpses are kept within some spikes as a feeding source, which they'll slowly consume to feed themselves.

The Seed itself is still a mystery to my players, but so far they have found a few which they managed to destroy. They're small pieces of crystal, usually somewhat intricate, which contain the soul of the watcher. Upon their destruction, they are vanished. They have found one seed so far which acts in a different manner: Vest's seed cannot be destroyed by usual means, as it can regenerate from any crack and even change it's shape when needed.

Vest’s Seed is the center piece in this rapier. So far, he’s one of the very few friendly watchers they’ve met, and acts as a patron to the roguelock in my game. This seed also has another property to it, which keeps Vest imprisoned within it and makes it impossible for him to actually form a body of any kind. They’re still figuring out why or how!

(This is Vest! Hello, Vest!) Watchers come in very much any shape. They aren’t limited by functional bodies, as the only essential part to their being is their soul, so their shapes can often become very monstruous and bizarre. They can change it on a whim too, to better suit their mood or likes. All watchers can make their bodies float, so very few of them actually adopt legs of any kind. One of the few common traits is that most of them have a sort of ghostly tail ongoing, but it isn’t really a requeriment. There are kinda two types of watchers (I can’t explain yet what are their differences), but one of them usually sticks to looks close to what they looked in life, and make much more sense. It’s the case for Vest, who remains fairly humanoid, keeps his face and features, although he does have an overabundance of unfunctional wings.

Most of the watchers my players have encountered, however, look pretty monstruous and do not have recognizable faces. This lady here was known as The Crafter, and she was incapable of coherent speech.

Their coloration is often based on real world rocks but it usually has no purpose other than aesthetics, and some don’t even stick to the crystal deal. Vest is based on aqua quartz, The Crafter is based on Black Opal, the fiery lady from up above is actually based on magma rocks and there’s even Solaralith, this lady down here, who is based on marble and gold.

Overall, this is a good summary of what watchers are. I can’t get in much detail with some parts due to spoilers for my players, but I hope this summed them up well! Feel free to ask about anything, and I hope you enjoyed the read!

[theworldbrewery]

manual monday!

TCoE and the magic of the “Supernatural Regions” tables

This post is focused on Ch. 4, pages 150-163, of Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything.

Okay, folks, I gotta admit, I’m biased as hell on this one. But my party of level 7 adventurers have spent the last 2 sessions in a dungeon affected by the Unraveling Magic Effects table, including a Wild Magic Sorcerer, and so I’ve been using that table to its fullest extent. Recently, that included a combat in which 2 separate zones of reverse gravity opened up, and before that, the gang had to face unknown enemies while in an Antimagic Field.

If this sounds rad as hell, this is certainly the set of rules for you.

TCoE covers seven different varieties of “Supernatural Regions,” a type of Environmental Hazard described as “permeated by a preternatural force in an area.” These varieties are Blessed Radiance, Far Realm, Haunted, Infested, Mirror Zone, Psychic Resonance, and Unraveling Magic. These varieties roughly correspond to different themes, which I’ll get into later.

Per the rulebook, you can make the region cover as much or as little space as you like. Similarly, the DM can set whatever triggers they like for the effects of the region--which is why for my players, using their Bag of Holding or Wild Magic Surges cause a side-effect of Unraveling Magic. That being said, TCoE offers a few examples of triggers so you have an idea of the themes with each region.

The Blessed Radiance region is influenced by the Upper Planes in some way. Generally speaking, the Blessed Radiance table effects benefit the PCs, unless you’re playing in an evil campaign. These effects buff good-aligned characters and debuff fiends, undead, etc. Perhaps most batshit is the highest roll, which grants one character (presumably at random) a single use of Divine Intervention, which auto-succeeds.

The Far Realm region is influenced by the darkness beyond the Outer Planes in D&D cosmology; it’s basically where the most fucked-up creatures are created and dwell. This region’s effects follow a Cthulu-esque, eldritch influence. Buildings whisper, the landscape melts into writhing flesh and mouths, time and distance warps, and eldritch knowledge bends creatures into unwilling vessels. Using this table will guarantee paranoia and unsettling descriptions.

The Haunted region is pretty self-explanatory: something truly horrifying happened here, and the echoes of the past remain to influence the living. Lights weaken; a spirit possesses a weapon, a ghostly cat stalks the party--my personal favorite is that a sleeping creature in the region vanishes and reappears a foot down, under dirt or floorboards, during the night. Use this table when you want some extra eerie flavor without the mindfuckery of the Far Realm.

The Infested region is affected by the presence of insects empowered by magic, eldritch hiveminds, etc., “driv[ing] out all competing life.” Effects include intense buzzing, disease, webbing, and bug-infested equipment. Very likely to give all your players--and perhaps even the DM--the phantom itch of bugs on your skin. Extremely gross and skin-crawling, in my opinion.

The Mirror Zone region occurs “where planar and magical energies converge” and affect mirrors and reflective surfaces. You might find that evil duplicates of yourself emerge from mirrors while in the region, or develop magical teleportation abilities. This one, while somewhat spooky, has effects that can help or hinder, and introduce an element of randomness and confusion more than outright terror or paranoia.

The Psychic Resonance region comes with the influence of psionic creatures, strong emotional energies, and magic. Think of it like psychic echoes reverberating through the region. Memories might become more clear and painful; creatures could gain limited telepathy. This region variant can help or hinder, but it is best used as role-play leverage, as the effects feed off the thoughts and feelings of the party.

Last but certainly not least, the Unraveling Magic region is a place where the source of magic is corrupted, the weave damaged, and spellwork goes awry. Creatures are suddenly encased in a sphere of force; spellcasters gain temporary access to wizard spells. This table throws a wrench into battle and is ideal for adding the unexpected in a combat or even a social encounter.

Now, TCoE has even more flavorful environmental hazards and effects, but this post is getting long so i’m capping it here.

But folks, I gotta tell you, these tables are spicy as hell. They shouldn’t be overused, as that can ruin their novelty, but peppering in a supernatural region here and there can amp up the coolness-factor like you would not believe. As a DM, I have been having so much fun running combats in a region where not even I know what might happen next--and my players get to enjoy the anxious thrill of rolling a d100 to determine their fate...

[aion-rsa]

The Best Horror Movies to Stream

https://ift.tt/36P7Are

Updated for October 2020

The world of streaming horror movies can be an overwhelming place.

Let’s say you’ve got your Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu and HBO Max subscriptions all set and ready. Now you want to get terrified with the best horror movies you can find in time for Halloween. But there are so many options! What’s a horror addict to do?

Here you’ll find the master list. That’s right, we’ve hand-selected only the absolute best and most terrifying horror movies available on all the major streaming services and combined them here for your streaming (or screaming) pleasure.

Be sure to let us know if you make it through all 31!

Apostle

Available on: Netflix

Apostle comes from acclaimed The Raid director Gareth Evans and it’s his take on the horror genre. Spoiler alert: it’s a good one.

Dan Stevens stars as Thomas Richardson, a British man in the early 1900s who must rescue his sister, Jennifer, from the clutches of a murderous cult. Thomas successfully infiltrates the cult led by the charismatic Malcom Howe (Michael Sheen) and begins to ingratiate himself with the strange folks obsessed with bloodletting. Thomas soon comes to find that the object of the cult’s religious fervor may be more real than he’d prefer.

Apostle is a wild, atmospheric, and very gory good time.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter

Available on: Netflix

Some kids dream about being left overnight or even a week at certain locations to play, like say a mall or a Chuck E. Cheese. One place that no one wants to be left alone in, however, is a Catholic boarding school.

That’s the situation that Rose (Lucy Boynton) and Kat (Kiernan Shipka) find themselves in in the atmospheric and creepy The Blackcoat’s Daughter. When Rose and Kat’s parents are unable to pick them up for winter break, the two are forced to spend the week at their dingy Catholic boarding school. If that weren’t bad enough, Rose fears that she may be pregnant…oh, and the nuns might all be Satanists.

Read more

Movies

A24 Horror Movies Ranked From Worst to Best

By David Crow and 3 others

Movies

Katharine Isabelle on How Ginger Snaps Explored the Horror of Womanhood

By Rosie Fletcher

The Blackcoat’s Daughter is an excellent debut directorial outing from Oz Perkins and another step on the right horror path for scream queens Shipka and Emma Roberts.

The Cabin in the Woods

Available on: Amazon Prime

A remote cabin in the woods is one of the most frequently occurring settings in all of horror. What better location for teenagers to be tormented by monsters, demons, or murderous hillbillies? Writer/Director Joss Whedon takes that tried and true setting and uses it as a jumping off points for one of the most successful metatextual horror movies in recent memory.

Like you would expect, The Cabin in the Woods features five college friends (all representing certain youthful archetypes, of course) renting a….well, a cabin in the woods. Soon things begin to go awry in a very traditional horror movie way. But then The Cabin in the Woods begins doling out some of the many tricks it has up its sleeve. This is a fascinating, very funny, and yet still creepy breakdown of horror tropes that any horror fan can enjoy.

The Changeling (1980)

Available on: Shudder

A classic haunted house ghost story that frequently makes horror best of lists The Changeling sees a bereaved composer move into a creepy mansion that’s been vacant for 12 years. Vacant that is, except for the spirit of a little boy who met an untimely death…

An unravelling mystery with a sense of intrigue and pathos that draws you into the narrative, all the way to the sad and disturbing final act revelation.

City of the Living Dead

Available on: Amazon Prime

Italian horror director Lucio Fulci kicked off his famous “Gates of Hell” trilogy with this gruesome, crude but surreal 1980 gorefest, in which a reporter (Christopher George) and a psychic (Catriona MacColl) struggle to stop those gates from opening and letting a horde of hungry undead into the world.

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Movies

The Horror Movies That May Owe Their Existence To H.P. Lovecraft

By Don Kaye

Movies

How Relic Explores our Most Primal Fears

By Rosie Fletcher

Fulci loosely based the movie on the works of H.P. Lovecraft, vying for the latter’s brooding atmosphere while indulging in his own trademark splatter. The results are somewhat slapdash but a must-see for Italian horror fans. Followed by the much better The Beyond (1980) and House by the Cemetery (1981).

The Dead Zone

Available on: Amazon Prime

The Dead Zone strangely remains both one of Stephen King’s more underrated movie adaptations as well as one of director David Cronenberg’s more unsung efforts. Yet it ends up being among the best from both author and auteur, while also providing star Christopher Walken with one of his most moving, complex performances to date.

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TV

Upcoming Stephen King Movies and TV Shows in Development

By Matthew Byrd and 6 others

Movies

Jason Blum Promises “Faithful” New Adaptation Of Stephen King’s Firestarter

By Don Kaye

Walken’s Johnny Smith awakens from a coma to find out he’s lost five years of his life but gained a frightening talent to touch people and see both their deepest secrets and their future. Whether to use that power to impact the world around him is the choice he must face in this bittersweet, eerie and heartfelt film, which found Cronenberg moving away from his trademark body horror for the first time.

Doctor Sleep

Available on: HBO Max

Let’s be up front about this: Doctor Sleep is not The Shining. For some that fact will make this sequel’s existence unforgivable. Yet there is a stoic beauty and creepy despair just waiting to be experienced by those willing to accept Doctor Sleep on its own terms.

Directed by one of the genre’s modern masters, Mike Flanagan, the movie had the unenviable task of combining one of King’s most disappointing texts with the opposing sensibilities of Stanley Kubrick’s singular The Shining adaptation.

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Movies

Doctor Sleep: Inside the New Overlook Hotel

By John Saavedra

Movies

Doctor Sleep Ending Explained

By John Saavedra

And yet, the result is an effective thriller about lifelong regrets and trauma personified by the ghostly specters of the Overlook Hotel. But they’re far from the only horrors here. Rebecca Ferguson is absolutely chilling as the smiling villain Rose the Hat, and the scene where she and other literal energy vampires descend upon young Jacob Tremblay is the stuff of nightmares. Genuinely, it’s a scene you won’t forget, for better or worse….

The Evil Dead

Available on: Netflix

1981’s The Evil Dead is nothing less than one of the biggest success stories in horror movie history.

Written and directed on a shoestring budget by Sam Raimi, The Evil Dead uses traditional horror tropes to its great advantage, creating a scary, funny, and almost inconceivably bloody story about five college students who encounter a spot of bother in a cabin in the middle of the woods. That spot of bother includes the unwitting release of a legion of demons upon the world.

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Movies

Evil Dead Movies: The Most Soul Sucking Moments

By David Crow

Movies

Living with the Cult Legacy of Evil Dead

By Hannah Bonner

The Evil Dead rightfully made stars of its creator and lead Bruce Campbell. It was also the jumping off point for a successful franchise that includes two sequels, a remake, a TV show, and more.

A Field in England

Available on: Amazon Prime

2013’s A Field in England presents compelling evidence that more horror movies should be shot in black and white.

Directed by British director Ben Wheatley, A Field in England is a kaleidoscope of trippy, cerebral horror. The film takes place in 1648, during the English Civil War. A group of soldiers is taken in by a kindly man, who is soon revealed to be an alchemist. The alchemist takes the soldiers to a vast field of mushrooms where they are subjected to a series of mind-altering, nightmarish visions.

A Field in England is aggressively weird, creative, and best of all clocks in at exactly 90 minutes.

Fright Night

Available on: Amazon Prime

Screenwriter-turned-director Tom Holland lets a jaded, smarmy vampire named Jerry Dandridge loose in suburbia and watches the blood spurt in this beloved ‘80s horror staple.

Chris Sarandon brings a nice combination of amusement and menace to the role of the bloodsucker, while Planet of the Apes veteran Roddy McDowall is endearing as a washed-up horror host recruited into a real-life horror show. Much of Fright Night is teen-oriented and somewhat dated, but it still works as a sort of precursor to later post-modern horror gems like Scream.

Green Room

Available on: Netflix

Green Room is a shockingly conventional horror movie despite not having all of the elements we traditionally associate with them. There are no monsters or the supernatural in Green Room.

Instead all monsters are replaced by vengeful neo-Nazis and the haunted house is replaced by a skinhead punk music club in the middle of nowhere in the Oregon woods. The band The Aint Rights, led by bassist Pat (Anton Yelchin) are locked in the green room of club after witnessing a murder and must fight their way out.

Hellraiser (1987)

Available on: Shudder

Directed by Clive Barker based on his novella The Hellbound Heart, Hellraiser is an infernal body horror featuring S&M demons who’ve found a way out of a dark dimension and want to take you back there.

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Movies

Michael Myers vs Pinhead: The Hellraiser/Halloween Crossover That Never Was

By Jack Beresford

Movies

Ranking the Hellraiser Movies

By Jamie Andrew

This is the movie which introduced chief Cenobite Pinhead (played by Doug Bradley) – who would return for seven more Hellraiser sequels. But the first is of course, remains the edgiest and the best. Hellbound: Hellraiser II is also available.

Hereditary

Available on: Amazon Prime

Between Hereditary and The Haunting of Hill House 2018 was a great year for turning familial trauma into horror.

Written and directed by Ari Aster, Hereditary follows the Graham family as they deal with the death of their secretive grandmother. As Annie Graham (Toni Collette) comes to terms with the loss, she begins to realize that she may have inherited a mental illness from her late mother…or something worse.

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Movies

Hereditary: The Real Story of King Paimon

By Tony Sokol

Movies

Hereditary Ending Explained

By David Crow

Hereditary is terrifying because it asks a deceptively simple but truly creepy question: what do we really inherit from our family?

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

Available on: Shudder

Wes Craven’s 1977 cult classic sees an extended family become stranded in the desert when their trailer breaks down and they start to get picked off by cannibals living in the hills. It’s brutally violent but it also has things to say about the nature of violence, as the seemingly civilized Carter family turn feral. The film was remade in 2006 but the original is still the best.

Horror of Dracula

Available on: HBO Max

Replacing Bela Lugosi as Dracula was not easily done in 1958. It’s still not easily done now. Which makes the fact that Christopher Lee turned Bram Stoker’s vampire into his own screen legend in Horror of Dracula all the more remarkable. Filmed in vivid color by director Terence Fisher, Horror of Dracula brought gushing bright red to the movie vampire, which up until then had been mostly relegated to black and white shadows.

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Movies

Bram Stoker’s Dracula and the Seduction of Old School Movie Magic

By David Crow

TV

BBC/Netflix Dracula’s Behind-the-Scenes Set Secrets

By Louisa Mellor

With its penchant for gore and heaving bosoms, Horror of Dracula set the template for what became Hammer Film Productions’ singular brand of horror iconography, but it’s also done rather tastefully the first time out here, not least of all because of Lee bring this aggressively cold-blooded version of Stoker’s monster to life. It’s all business with this guy.

Conversely, Abraham Van Helsing was never more dashing than when played by Peter Cushing in this movie. The film turned both into genre stars, and paved the way for a career of doing this dance time and again.

The House of the Devil

Available on: Amazon Prime

Indie horror auteur Ti West’s low-budget creepfest is a homage to 1980s horror yet plays it straight; he sets out to make a movie with the feel of genre films from that era without making self-aware in-jokes and references — and he mostly succeeds.

But The House of the Devil is also the definition of a “slow burn”: very little happens for much of the first hour (save a jolt here and there) and then the third act explodes into a paroxysm of murder, gore and Satanic horror. That makes the film feel a little off-balance, although in the end it all becomes quite unnerving.

House on Haunted Hill

Available on: Amazon Prime

What would you do for $10,000? How about surviving a night in a mansion haunted by murder victims and owned by a psychotic millionaire? Seems like a party trick until people actually start dying.

Vincent Price is the master and mastermind of a house that suddenly makes everyone homicidal—but the real pièce de résistance is what dances out of a vat of flesh-eating acid.

Some vintage horror never dies, and this 1959 classic is immortal.

Hush

Available on: Netflix

In his follow-up to the cult classic Oculus, Mike Flanagan makes one of the cleverer horror movies on this list. Hush is a thrilling game of cat-and-mouse with the typical nightmare of a home invasion occurring, yet it also turns conventions of that familiar terror on its head. For instance, the savvy angle about this movie is Kate Siegel (who co-wrote the movie with Flanagan) plays Maddie, a deaf and mute woman living in the woods alone. Like Audrey Hepburn’s blind woman from the progenitor of home invasion stories, Wait Until Dark (1967), Maddie is completely isolated when she is marked for death by a menacing monster in human flesh.

Further, like the masked villains of so many more generic home invasion movies (we’re looking square at you, Strangers), John Gallagher Jr.’s “Man” wears a mask as he sneaks into her house. However, the functions of this story are laid bare since we actually keep an eye on what the “Man” is doing at all times, and how he is getting or not getting into the house in any given scene. He is not aided by filmmakers who’ve given him faux-supernatural and omnipotent abilities like other versions of these stories, and he’s not an “Other;” he is a man who does take his mask off, and his lust for murder is not so much fetishized as shown for the repulsive behavior that it is. And still, Maddie proves to be both resourceful and painfully ill-equipped to take him on in this tense battle of wills.

The Invitation

Available on: Netflix

Seeing your ex is always uncomfortable, but imagine if your ex-wife invited you to a dinner party with her new husband? That is just about the least creepy thing in this new, taut thriller nestled in the Hollywood Hills. Indeed, in The Invitation Logan Marshall-Green’s Will is invited by his estranged wife (Tammy Blanchard) for dinner with her new hubby David (Michael Huisman of Game of Thrones). David apparently wanted to extend the bread-breaking offer personally since he has something he wants to invite both Will and all his other guests into joining. And it isn’t a game of Scrabble…

Intense, strange, and not what you expect, this is one of the more inventive thrillers of 2016.

Midsommar

Available on: Amazon Prime

It’s hard to categorize Midsommar, Ari Aster’s follow-up to his absolutely terrifying horror debut, Hereditary. Part straight up horror, part The Wicker Man, and part anthropological study, Midsommar seems to occupy many genres all at once. Aster himself called it a “break up” movie. But whatever genre Midsommar is, it is a brilliant, and at times deeply disturbing film.

Florence Pugh stars as Dani, a young woman trying to heal in the wake of an enormous tragedy. Dani follows her boyfriend, Christian, and his annoying friends to an important midsummer festival deep in the heart of Sweden. Christian and company are there partly to get high and have fun and also partly to study the unique, isolated culture for their respective theses. To say that they get more than they bargained for is an understatement. But Dani may just end up getting exactly what she needs.

Night of the Living Dead

Available on: Amazon Prime, HBO Max

George A. Romero’s 1968 zombie classic The Night of the Living Dead messed up the minds of late ’60s moviegoers as much as it messed with every horror movie that followed. Shot on gritty black and white stock, the film captures the desperate urgency of a documentary shot at the end of the world. It is a tale of survival, an allegory for the Vietnam War and racism and suspenseful as hell freezing over.

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TV

The Walking Dead vs. Real-Life Survivalists: How to Prep for The Zombie Apocalypse

By Ron Hogan

Movies

Night of the Living Dead: The Many Sequels, Remakes, and Spinoffs

By Alex Carter

Night of the Living Dead set a new standard for gore, even though you could tell some of the bones the zombies were munching came from a local butcher shop. But what grabs at you are the unexpected shocks. Long before The Walking Dead, Romero caught the terror that could erupt from any character, at any time.

They’re coming to get you. There’s one of them now!

Nosferatu

Available on: Amazon Prime

Nothing beats a classic, and that’s exactly what Nosferatu is. As the unofficial 1922 adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, this German Expressionist masterpiece was almost lost to the ages when the filmmakers lost a copyright lawsuit with Stoker’s widow (who had a point). As a result, most copies were destroyed…but a precious few survived

This definitive horror movie from F.W. Murnau might be a silent picture, but it’s a haunting one where vampirism is used as a metaphor for plague and the Black Death sweeping across Europe. When Count Orlock comes to Berlin, he brings rivers of rats with him and the most repellent visage ever presented by a cinematic bloodsucker.

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TV

13 Essential Dracula Performances in Movies and TV

By Tony Sokol

Culture

The Bleeding Heart of Dracula

By David Crow

The sexy vampires would come later, starting with 1931’s more polished vision of Count Dracula as legendarily played by Bela Lugosi, but Max Schreck is buried under gobs of makeup in Nosferatu making him resemble an emaciated cadaver. Murnau plays with shadow and light to create an intoxicating environment of fever dream repressions. But he also creates the most haunting cinematic image of a vampire yet put on screen.

Pet Sematary (2019)

Available on: Amazon, Hulu

After the classic Stephen King novel of the same name and Mary Lambert’s 1989 movie, what could there possibly be left to say about Pet Sematary? Quite a lot actually! Directors Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer breathe new life into this old tale…not unlike a certain “sematary” itself.

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Movies

Pet Sematary Ending Explained

By John Saavedra

Movies

On the Set with Pet Sematary’s Producer

By Nick Morgulis

Jason Clarke stars as Louis Creed, an ER doctor from Boston who moves his family to rural Ludlow, Maine to live a quieter life. Shortly into their stay, Louis and his wife Rachel (Amy Semeitz) experience an unthinkable tragedy. That’s ok though as neighbor Jud Crandall (John Lithgow) knows a very peculiar place that can help.

Phantasm

Available on: Amazon Prime

Director and writer Don Coscarelli has said that this 1979 cult classic was inspired by a recurring dream — and we believe him, since Phantasm has the surreal, not-quite-there feel of an inescapable nightmare from start to finish.

With its bizarre plot about a funeral parlor acting as a front to send undead slave labor to another dimension, the iconic image of the Tall Man, killer dwarves and those deadly silver spheres, Phantasm was and is like no other movie of its era.

Poltergeist

Available on: Netflix

Before there was Insidious, The Conjuring, or a myriad of other “suburban family vs. haunted house” movies, there was Poltergeist. Taking ghost stories out of the Gothic setting of ancient castles or decrepit mansions and hotels, Poltergeist moved the spirits into the middle class American heartland of the 1980s. With a smart screenplay by no less than Steven Spielberg (and, according to some, his ghost direction), Poltergeist finds the Freeling family privy to a disquieting fact about their new home: It’s built on top of a cemetery!

You probably know the story, and if you don’t you can guess it after decades of copycats that followed, but this special effects-laden spectacle still holds up, especially as a thriller that can be enjoyed by the whole family. Fair warning though, if your kids have a tree outside their window or a clown doll under their bed, we don’t take responsibility for the years of therapy bills this may inflict!

Ready or Not

Available on: HBO Max

The surprise horror joy of 2019, Ready or Not was a wicked breath of fresh air from the creative team Radio Silence. With a star-making lead turn by Samara Weaving, the movie is essentially a reworking of The Most Dangerous Game where a bride is being hunted by her groom’s entire wedding party on the night of their nuptials.

It’s a nutty premise that has a delicious (and broad) satirical subtext about the indulgences and eccentricities of the rich, as the would-be extended family of Grace (Weaving) is only pursuing her because they’re convinced a grandfather made a deal with the Devil for their wealth–and to keep it they must step on those beneath them every generation. Well step, shoot, stab, and ritualistically sacrifice in this cruelest game of hide and seek ever. Come for the gonzo high-concept and stay for the supremely satisfying ending.

Sweetheart

Available on: Netflix

Don’t let the name fool you, Sweetheart is very much a horror movie. What kind of horror movie, you ask? Well, after a boat sinks during a storm, young Jennifer Remming (Kiersey Clemons) is the only survivor. She washes ashore a small island and gets to work burying her friends, creating shelter, and foraging for food. You know: deserted island stuff.

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Soon, however, Jenn will come to find that the island is not as deserted as she previously thought. There’s something out there – something big, dangerous, and hungry. Sweetheart is like Castaway meets Predator and it’s another indie horror hit for Blumhouse.

The Tenant

Available on: Amazon Prime

Roman Polanski, in addition to being a creep and outright sex criminal, has a grand fascination with apartments, directing an unofficial “Apartment Trilogy” with Repulsion, Rosemary’s Baby, and The Tenant. And it’s not hard to see why. There is something a little strange about dozens if not hundreds of relative strangers all calling the same place “home.”

1976’s The Tenant is the culmination of Polanski’s obsession with communal living and in some ways is the creepiest. Polanski stars as Trelkovsky, a paranoid young file clerk who is on the verge of succumbing to the constant dread he feels. Things are exacerbated when Trelkovsky moves into a Parisian apartment and discovers the previous occupant killed herself. What follows is a tense and trippy exploration of fear itself.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Available on: Shudder

You’ve probably seen this one already, but this founding father of the slasher genre is a bit of a fairy tale when glimpsed at the right light. Some dumb kids wander into the wilderness, far away from the safety of civilization, on a trip to their grandparents’ home.

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But instead of reaching their destination, they wind up on the dinner table for the “Other,” who in this case is a redneck family of cannibals with a crossdressing serial killer who’s weapon of choice has an electric motor that makes a sweet hum as its blades tear into your flesh. When viewed like that, it might be worth seeing all over again, eh?

Under the Shadow

Available on: Netflix

This recent 2016 effort could not possibly be more timely as it sympathizes, and terrorizes, an Iranian single mother and child in 1980s Tehran. Like a draconian travel ban, Shideh (Narges Rashidi) and her son Dorsa (Avin Manshadi) are malevolently targeted by a force of supreme evil.

This occurs after Dorsa’s father, a doctor, is called away to serve the Iranian army in post-revolution and war-torn Iran. In his absence evil seeps in… as does a quality horror movie with heightened emotional weight.

Underworld

Available on: Netflix

No one is going to mistake Underworld for high art. That obvious fact makes the lofty pretensions of these movies all the more endearing. With a cast of high-minded British theatrical actors, many trained in the Royal Shakespeare Company, at least the early movies in this Gothic horror/action mash-up series were overflowing with histrionic self-importance and grandiosity.

Take the first and best in the series. In the margins you have Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen portraying the patriarchs of warring factions of vampires and werewolves, and a love story caught between their violence that’s shamelessly modeled on Romeo and Juliet. It’s ridiculous, especially with Scott Speedman playing one party. But when the other is the oft-underrated Kate Beckinsale it doesn’t matter.

The movie’s bombast becomes its first virtue, and Len Wiseman’s penchant for glossy slick visuals, which would look at home in the sexiest Eurotrash graphic novel at the bookstore, is its other. Combined they make this a guilty good time. Though we recommend not venturing past the second or third movie.

Us

Available on: HBO Max

Jordan Peele’s debut feature Get Out was a near instant horror classic so anticipation was high for his follow-up. Thanks to an excellent script, Peele’s deep appreciation of pop culture, and some stellar performances, Us more than lives up to the hype.

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Us tells the story of the Wilson family from Santa Cruz. After a seemingly normal trip to a summer home and the beach, Adelaide (Lupita Nyong’o), Gabe (Winston Duke) and their two kids are confronted by their own doppelgangers, are weird, barely verbal, and wearing red. That’s just the beginning of the horror at play for the Wilsons and the world. Fittingly, Us feels like a feature length Twilight Zone concept done right.

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[ununniliad]

Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 3 #1: “CLASH OF TITANS! Marvel Zombie Lad versus... Marvel Zombie Girl?!; or, The Things We Leave Behind“

A dead man walked the streets of the city, looking for a comic book store.

Leaves that were left over from the fall, waiting for the spring that hadn't quite come, burst into flame and turned to ash as his boot crunched on them. Flies buzzed up to him, gave him a sniff, and scooted away. Not quite the right kind of dead.

Once, decades ago, the man had been a boy. A fan - of Marvel Comics. He had devoured them, the complex webs of plots, the continuity, the angst.

And then - the experiment. The idea that the dead could speak, not through something as simplistic as the letters on a oujia board or the noise of a staticy radio, but through the things they left behind.

The boy had taken his grandmother's comics collection and - after a week's worth of holding back, of not being at all sure the effort would be worth it - carefully, painstakingly, cut it to pieces. Each word bubble, each caption, was taken apart, word by word.

And when the pile of paper was complete, he bade it to speak. And speak it did-- but not in his grandmother's voice! In a voice of flame, a great roar that sucked in oxygen, sucked in his soul, and sent him to - The Fandom Zone!

The Fandom Zone, afterlife of dead fandoms! Whenever a fan leaves a fandom, they leave behind an image of themselves - through their fanworks, through their headcanons, through their arguments and the joy and rage they inspired in others. And this ghostly image lives in the Fandom Zone, pondering and arguing as they had in life!

The boy merged with the psychic essence of everyone who'd ever been obsessed with Marvel Comics and dropped out! From the moment the Fantastic Four blasted off in their rocket to the stars to the latest X-Men miniseries - he absorbed it all! The power transformed him into a revenant with the power to remember every one of those ridiculous, overheated plots, with the Flame Which Sears Men's Soles burning in his veins-- Marvel Zombie Lad!

Yes, and once, decades ago, Marvel Zombie Lad had been a hero - one of the Legion of Net.Heroes! His sincere and fiery passion had drawn other young heroes to the fold, and the Legion had become the greatest team in the world - a team that still lived, still fought against evil and tyranny!

...but... Marvel Zombie Lad no longer fought alongside them. The love of comics, of the Marvel comics of the early '90s, had burned bright for a time... but as the comics industry went for event after event, collector edition after collector edition, as the collector bubble prepared to pop, he had felt the flame fading, guttering out. He had wandered, as many fans do, away from the passions of his youth, seeking something that would inspire the same joy...

And he had encountered...

Something. There was a great emptiness in his memory, a gap like the blasted crater left by a meteor's fall.

Yes, and then... decades later, the LNH had found him again, wandering without memory and without purpose. And by happenstance, they had shown him something that inspired-- inspired him not to joy, but to RAGE! They had shown him - the words twisted on his tongue, turning acid - Secret Empire! And he had sworn to burn the bloated, polluted comics industry to the ground!

...but... he still lacked direction, still lacked something to turn to rather than away from. So when the East Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains, a team of career Bad Guys whose various incarnations had fought the Legion since the early days, had offered him a place in their ranks, he had accepted.

And now, he was walking down these late-afternoon sidewalks with the measured pace of one whose undead body does not tire. He was on a mission. Somewhere near by, tucked away on an unassuming side street just off the main drag, was the most powerful comic book store in Net.ropolis - the Comics Cooperative! And he was to destroy it!

He didn't understand what value this would have to Mister Homage, the Brotherhood's leader. But it didn't matter! For in this moment, Marvel Zombie Lad was taking his revenge! Revenge on the corporate structure that had taken his favorite characters and cast them into the dark, that had folded and spindled them until they were unrecognizable, that had stomped their hob-nailed boots on his soul! This, Marvel Zombie Lad swore!

Lo! There it was! A seemingly harmless two-story building, wedged between a restaurant and an office supply store! A brightly-painted facade and a neon "OPEN" sign! Wide windows gaily decorated with posters! Squirrel Girl! Ms. Marvel! Ironheart! Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur! Icons of Marvel! Icons of what he must destroy!

The guttering flame in his heart burned bright now, wreathing his body, his fists in rolling, roiling red-yellow flame. It was time!

"Hold, ye who intend evil!"

Marvel Zombie Lad looked up toward the voice. There, on the concrete buttress atop the second floor-- a silhouette in the blinding sun! With a leap, the figure landed on the pavement! A young woman, black, wearing a leather jacket - and wreathed in curling, coruscating, red-yellow flame! "This place is defended! So swears-- Marvel Zombie Girl!"

He took a step back. "What!?"

And yet-- it should not have been surprising. He had been gone for so long, and it was a feature of the genre that new, young people stepped into the shoes of previous heroes. And yet, and yet-- he had lost the spirit-- how could he have considered that another would have it?

No matter. He would show her what ebon night of the soul she was stepping into, and see if she wanted the mantle after! "'Ware, girl! The power of Marvel Zombie Lad is the memory, branded upon the brain, of every plot back to the very beginning!" The flames leapt high around him, wind scattering the candy wrappers and cigarettes on the sidewalk. "Do you believe you possess the strength to handle the convolutions and the retcons, the glory and the defeat?"

Marvel Zombie Girl smiled, with dark eyes, eyes that had seen the shadows beyond the veil. "I have no such pedigree. My fandom began with the Avengers movie." She took a step forward, into a fighting pose, the flames swirling high around her. "But I have the same depth of passion! The same furious investment! The same thundering disappointment at being let down-- by Joss Whedon-- by the post-DeConnick Captain Marvel writers-- by the very throughline of the company that was supposed to protect my dreams! I have the same burning rage, and--" With a crackle, the flames around her burned hotter, rising to blue-white! "I have the hope you left behind!!"

And for a moment, that hope, in his breast-- but no! "Bah!" Marvel Zombie Lad leapt forward, swinging his burning fist! "Once, such hope felt real! Now, I know it to be false! Another tool of that loathsome corporation, the bait on the hook to keep you reading, keep you buying issues!"

She parried his blow and went in with a kick! "And has your apathy brought you newer, better stories? Has it created a comics company without these flaws?"

"Perhaps not-- but perhaps razing the grotesque rot that remains will bring some new life to this blasted heath!" He thrust out his arms, and his aura flared, a wave of pressure exploding out from his body.

Marvel Zombie Girl managed to block at the last moment, arms held up in a Claremontian X in front of her, blue-white aura flowing back in the wave of pressure like a windsock in a tempest. When it ended, she shook herself out and stood unbowed. "This place is not your enemy, fool! It is full of those who are absorbing the good that still exists - the representation and the joy and the promise and struggle of a million young heroes that might be! They deserve a chance!"

"A chance to be betrayed?" Marvel Zombie Lad pressed his attack, charging forward with a right and a left. "A chance to feel the same blazing pain we have!?"

"They already have!" A lance of blue-white fire from her chest! It scored him across the cheek, spinning him to the side! "How much of their lives have been run by the uncaring men whose greed and exploitation have wounded you so?" A kick in the belly, knocking him in the other direction! "They see the grinding of the world's gears, yet they snatch joy from them! And not just joy, but inspiration! They see the things they desired so hard for so long, and get to hold them, truly experience them-- even if for just a moment before they're taken away!"

And while Marvel Zombie Lad was off-balance, with a leap, Marvel Zombie Girl pressed an arm across his chest, pinning him to the brown brick facade of the restaurant next door! "And they channel that understanding of what it's like to see yourself there on the pages into their own creations! Fanfiction! Webcomics! Their own stories!" He could see her eyes wide, burning, yearning to be understood. "Can you deny them the chance to speak those stories into existence, the opportunity that Lee and Kirby and so many others who built this monument had?"

He looked away, flame churning in his gut, feelings, thoughts in chaos. "No... but... nnn... GHH!" Flame BURST from his body, knocking Marvel Zombie Girl away - a wave of pressure that was deeper, darker and more desperately powerful, like the smoky warmth of Hell! "They will have the chance - once I sever the connection to those awful men! Once I knock down the temples of false worship! Once I free you* from my curse - the curse of this damned emotional attachment, this love that only causes pain! I do this now, in your defeat!"

Marvel Zombie Girl landed, hard, on the pavement, scraping her elbows and hands. Her flame faded to a blue-white flicker.

Marvel Zombie Lad stepped forward, standing over her, flaming fists high. "Go. You're beaten."

She rolled over, looking up at him... and grinned. "You're the one who's lost this battle."

"??" Marvel Zombie Lad took a step back in shock. Preposerous bravado! A bluff! But-- "How!?"

"Don't you see?" Marvel Zombie Girl rose fluidly to her feet, the Flame Which Sears Men's Soles rising up around her, as if the blows had never happened. "You're trying to get rid of the younger, female, legacy character of color who's stepped into your heroic role... just as Marvel has done with its heroes, so unfairly, so many times! You have become everything wrong with modern Marvel Comics... ALL YOU HATE!"

Her eyes locked on his, opening wide. She tapped into the power at the heart of the Flame - the Penitence Gaze, seeking out and revealing the guilt in his heart - revealing her words to be TRUTH!

"NOOOOOO!" Marvel Zombie Lad cowered back from the burning truth, mind aflame with searing Angst.

"You dismissed the joy others took from your lost love!" The merciless gaze burned him unabated. "You fought against our hope! You became the fandom bully!"

It was true, it was all true! Marvel Zombie Lad staggered back, fell to his knees. His flame drew low, turned to a heat shimmer, went out.

His rage-- his mission-- a sham! What profit it a man to find his purpose - if he lose his soul!?

Suddenly he could no longer feel the Penitence Gaze upon him. He looked up. Marvel Zombie Girl stood there, flame low, holding out a hand.

"I... I don't understand," he said.

"Your actions were wrong. But your feelings are valid," she said. "There is so much to be frustrated about, so much wrong with this industry, this world. You are not the only one raging. Instead of fighting against us, you can fight *alongside* us. Add to our flame. You were a hero once. You can be again."

"...I..." He looked away, hands clenched. "I don't..." This could be it. The direction, the purpose he'd been looking for.

...but... he wasn't ready. Finally, he admitted it to himself. He wasn't ready to let his rage lessen, burn down to the levels of a hero, not a destroyer. He had to get it out first. Else it would consume him.

He wasn't ready to join her. He couldn't reject her. His hand went down to his belt, and he thumbed the emergency East Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains teleporter, and he was gone.

Marvel Zombie Girl watched him disappear, leaving behind a trail of blue sparkles, and burn marks on the pavement, and...

She nodded, once, hand curling into a fist, pressing to her chest. "Someday." She looked off, toward the sun, as it sank below the horizon. "Someday."

★★★★

Author’s Note:

Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 3 is going to be a new-reader-friendly ongoing title by the writers of the LNH! And you can write it too! Stop by rec.arts.comics.creative to join the community, and stop by the LNH Wiki to learn more about the LNH!

[dragon-above]

Vestige of Seldaarn

Vestige of Seldaarn Large undead Hit Dice: 14d12+39 (130 hp) Initiative: +3 (+3 Dex) Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), swim 40 ft. (8 squares) Armour Class: 22 (-1 size, +3 Dex, +7 natural, +3 studded leather armor), touch 12, flat-footed 19 Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+20 Attack: Claw +15 melee (1d6+6) Full Attack: 2 claws +15 melee (1d6+9) and bite +10 melee (1d6+4) Space/Reach: 10ft./10ft. Special Attacks: Rend 2d6+13, Swamp ghost, shadow birth, gaze of despair Special Qualities: Darkvision 90ft., damage reduction 5/silver, fast healing 5, rejuvenation, undead traits, undying resilience Saves: Fort +4, Ref +7, Will +11 Abilities: Str 28, Dex 17, Con -, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 17 Skills: Hide +15, Intimidate +20, Jump +8, Knowledge (tactics) +12, Listen +19, Move Silently +19 Spot +19, Swim +21 Feats: Cleave, Dodge, Mobility, Power Attack, Spring Attack ========================================= Environment: Warm aquatic (The Shadow Marches) Organization: Solitary Challenge Rating: 13 Treasure: Standard Alignment: Always lawful neutral Advancement: - Level Adjustment: -

This troll-like creature has almost faded into shadow. Its leather armour is rotting and ancient, and water drips from its body and long hair. Ghostly wounds are still open on its body, and its gaze tells of lost hope. South-west Khorvaire is home to many intelligent races, and the horrors of the Daelkyr wars affected all of them. Though orc and goblinoid legends are better known, the trolls too have their ancient heroes. The scrag known as Seldaarn is perhaps the most widely known troll hero, his memory is so well kept that to this day the scrags of the Shadow Marches refer to themselves as the Harseldaarn, or Heirs of Seldaarn. During the Daelkyr wars, Seldaarn is said to have united the scrags of the deep swamps with the trolls of the Byeshk Mountains to coordinate defences and preserve their two cultures. Together, the giants fought in the Shadow Marches and repelled many aberration invasions, but Seldaarn fell in the most crucial battle of them all. Many decades later, when the war was finally won and the mountain trolls had long since returned to their home, Seldaarn returned to Eberron, unliving and cursed, his soul dispersed into a shadowy vestige of his former self. The reason for Seldaarn’s return remains unclear. The most popular beliefs suggest he breathed his last in a Dolurrh or Mabar manifest zone, or that his soul returned to discover the final fate of his brethren. All documented encounters with the wandering spirit suggest the vestige still believes the Daelkyr war continues to this day, and the creature attacks living creatures as if they were the aberrations of Xoriat. Combat The vestige of Seldaarn is a guerrilla fighter, attacking from hiding in its swamps. It uses its always uses its surroundings to its advantage, and will summon shadows when it feels it can keep hiding its presence no longer. Swamp Ghost (Su): As a standard action twice per day, if in contact with swamp water, the vestige of Seldaarn can perfectly conceal itself. It becomes invisible, as the spell, except that the vestige does not leave visible ripples in the water behind it. The effect ends only if the vestige leaves the water, or if it attacks a creature, though it retains concealment (20% miss chance) for 1d4 rounds after the effect ends as it slowly becomes visible again. Shadow Birth (Sp): Once per day, the vestige of Seldaarn can summon 2d4 shadows or 1d2 greater shadows. These shadows appear as scrags or trolls, and are large size. Use the statistics as given in the Monster Manual, but apply the following changes: -1 to Armour Class, -1 to attack bonus, Space/Reach: 10ft./10ft., -4 to Hide checks. The shadows linger for 7 rounds. Gaze of Despair (Su): Any creature that looks into the eyes of the vestige of Seldaarn must succeed on a DC 20 Will save or become deeply saddened, taking a –2 penalty on attack rolls, saving throws, ability checks, skill checks, and weapon damage rolls for 24 hours. Rend (Ex): If the vestige of Seldaarn hits with both claw attacks, it latches onto the opponent’s body and tears the flesh. This attack automatically deals an additional 2d6+13 points of damage. Rejuvenation (Su): The vestige of Seldaarn cannot be permanently destroyed through simple combat. The “destroyed” spirit restores itself in 2d4 days. The only way to get rid of the vestige for sure is to determine the reason for its existence and set right whatever prevents it from resting in peace. Undying Resilience (Ex): The vestige of Seldaarn gains a bonus to its Hit Points equal to its Hit Dice multiplied by its Charisma modifier.

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Halloween Horror Nights 2018 - Trick, Treat or Terror?

Halloween Horror Nights 2018 at Universal Studios is one of the Hottest Events in the Halloween Calendar. The event runs for a record breaking 36 select nights from September 14th to November 3rd 2018.

With almost 3 decades of terror under their belts, nobody hits the scare scale like Universal. Halloween Horror Nights 2018 are set to be the scariest ever with a record breaking 10 haunted houses.

Scream your way through the terrifying Haunted Houses, or run the gauntlet through five Scare Zones. The streets swarm with menacing demons, monsters and maniacs doing their baddest best to make your night a nightmare to remember.

The horrors of the ‘80s will invade this year’s Halloween Horror Nights with cinematic greats, slasher films and cult classics.

If you're looking for cutsie costumes, trick or treating and light-hearted spooky fun, then head over to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party or SeaWorld Spooktacular.

Pretty pumpkins and singing skeletons are not on the agenda at HHN28.

Halloween Horror Nights 2018 Dates:

September: 14, 15, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 26, 28, 29, 30 October: 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 31 November: 1, 2, 3

Click for HHN28 Tickets

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Halloween Horror Nights 2018 - 10 Haunted Houses

ScaryTales: Deadly Ever After

The Wicked Witch of the West has seized control of this fairytale realm and is tormenting treasured storybook characters in hideous and cruel alternate storylines. As you venture through this nightmarish bedtime story, you’ll see familiar characters now turned evil, including Hansel and Gretel salivating for human flesh and a splattered Humpty Dumpty.

The Horror Of Blumhouse

The haunted minds behind Happy Death Day and The First Purge have spawned another horror house. Your shock shifts to alarm as you go from a campy thriller to a brutal world. It’s the last day of the rest of your life as you witness a college student try to break a murderous cycle. Then enter the testing ground for a barbaric experiment, where all crime is legal for twelve hours. Will you live to see tomorrow?

HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS

Based on the fourth installment in the classic slasher series created by John Carpenter, the mazes will transport guests to the suburban town of Haddonfield, Illinois on Halloween night where Myers has escaped Smith’s Grove Sanitarium and is hungry for revenge. This time, he relentlessly stalks his niece Jamie as his next victim, stopping at nothing to kill her.

Follow Myers as he escapes the mental hospital, encounters his first victims at Penney’s Gas Station and Diner, and wreaks terror on Haddonfield, all set to Alan Howarth’s ominous score. The maze will include horrifying scares by Myers in his classic featureless white mask and navy jumpsuit, with guests dodging his bloody knife at every turn. Halloween fanatics can expect a cameo by Myer’s psychiatrist Dr. Loomis and other famous characters from the film as they try to escape the bloodbath.

POLTERGEIST

They're Here! For the first time ever, Halloween Horror Nights will bring guests “into the light”. This terrifying new maze is inspired by Metro Goldwyn Mayer Pictures’ (MGM) iconic supernatural horror film, Poltergeist,

The maze will lure guests to the Freeling family house built atop a cemetery where malicious ghosts threaten the lives within.  From the underground graveyard to ghostly apparitions, guests will come face to face with infamous scenes from the film including the iconic flickering TV screen, menacing Beast from beyond and pool filled with floating corpses. As guests cross into the ‘light,’ they will find themselves surrounded by a surreal landscape of vanishing walls, floating furniture and a creepy clown with a menacing smile.  In a rush against time, guests will be forced to make it back to the world of the living or forever be trapped…

SEEDS OF EXTINCTION

Seeds of Extinction places you on Earth moments after a meteor has hit causing immediate mass destruction across the entire planet. You'll come face-to-face with horrific, humanoid plants, strangling vines, deadly blooms and more. There will be no place to hide as you try and find a way to escape the invasive vegetation overtaking the place you once called home.

CARNIVAL GRAVEYARD: RUST IN PIECES

You'll be trespassing as you enter into this dilapidated carnival. You'll discover a maze of decayed rides and games – and you're not alone. Horrifying guard dogs, a grotesque ‘tunnel of love’, gleefully vicious performers loaded with deadly weapons fabricated from old rides and more will stalk your every move as you try to escape.

SLAUGHTER SINEMA HORROR MARATHON

Slaughter Cinema will bring those awesome corny movies back to life during this B movie marathon. As you enter the snack bar at the local drive-in movie theater, the first thing that will greet you is the delicious smell of popcorn. But all happy thoughts will end right then and there. Werewolf bikers chase to hunt you down. You'll walk through a pumpkin patch strewn with blood and gore. You'll need your wits to avoid being on the menu of a bunch of alien cannibals from Planet Hell. And watch out for those deadly barbers and that Beast Baby.

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TRICK 'R TREAT

Sam made his debut last year in a terrifying Scare Zone. This year he's back in a brand new Trick ‘r Treat maze. You'll be transported to Warren Valley, Ohio on to celebrate the holiday’s dark traditions. Experience some of the film’s most grisly scenes and encounter hauntingly familiar characters. Meander through Mr. Kreeg’s infamous house, watch as college students viciously transform into bloodthirsty werewolves. Come face-to-face with Sam – the spirit of Halloween – who readies to punish those who break the holiday’s tradition.

STRANGER THINGS

Hold on to your britches as your world turns Upside Down when you visit Hawkins. Look up and behind you, that pesky Demogorgon is sure stalking somewhere be close by. Fans of the Netflix hit series, Stranger Things, will recognize Hawkins National Laboratory, the Byers home adorned with an erratic display of flashing Christmas lights and the eerie Upside Down woods oozing a shower of floating orb-like spores.

DEAD EXPOSURE: PATIENT ZERO

Dead Exposure: Patient Zero was announced as the first original content haunted house coming to Halloween Horror Nights 2018. It was hugely popular when Dead Exposure was first used in 2008. This time you'll be thrust into Paris in 1982 where a virus is turning people into vicious zombies. Hordes of vicious flesh-eating undead are swarming the streets and you'll face total darkness as the dead hunt you down. But don't worry, bright flashes of UV lights will reveal what's lurking in the shadows.

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Scare Zones for Halloween Horror Nights 2018:

Think the houses are scary? Strolling the streets are no walk in the park either. The street scenes might just stretch your nerve to the point of no return.

Revenge of Chucky

That cute and adorable Chucky is back with a vengeance. He'll be creating chaos in the streets of Universal Studios. Chucky and his band of demented toys will be dishing out torturous horrors to get his revenge.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Don't let that sweet smell of cotton candy fool you. In this Scare Zone based on the cult classic, killer clowns cocoon human victims inside giant pods of cotton candy. Make sure those cotton candy rayguns don't turn you into their next snack.

Vamp 85: New Year’s Eve 

This isn’t going to be your typical New Years bash. Fanged punks, material girls and metal head vamps will start a feeding frenzy as soon as the ball drops.

Twisted Tradition

Come face-to-face with beings of rotted pumpkins and fetid vines who are seeking out human sacrifices for their twisted traditions.

The Harvest

This might look like an old abandoned barn, but foul and decrepit creatures are lurking to harvest flesh. See if you can survive this years’ Harvest.

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Live Shows for Halloween Horror Nights 2018

Academy of Villains - Cyberpunk

With a wicked mix of dance, acrobatics and theatrics, Academy of Villains is back with an all-new performance. Prepare for maximum overload in this test of humanity versus technology. Set in a dark and distant city of the future, Academy of Villains hack into a world of pounding synths and neon lights.

What You Need to Know About Halloween Horror Nights 2018:

1) IT'S NOT FOR KIDS

Nothing about the Halloween Horror Nights are geared up for kids. We've seen kids at past events, so it's really down to parents to make the decision, but it's definitely an older teen and adult event. Not only is the scare factor pretty high, but alcohol is sold throughout the park too. Universal warn:

We strongly urge parents with children under the age of 13 to reconsider visiting this event with their children. They will be exposed to extremely adult material.

Take the kids to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party or SeaWorlds Spooktacular.

2) THINK HARD ABOUT EXPRESS PASSES

We can't express (no pun intended!) how popular these events are. The Express Passes are essential on the peak nights, unless you've been able to visit several times. Yes, it makes it a high-priced night out, but your experience will be hugely diminished without an Express Pass on many nights. We made the mistake of not getting an Express Pass a few years ago and the lines were 2 to 3 hours for the popular haunted houses. We missed out on a LOT that visit. Express Passes for peak nights often sell out.

3) Consider an Upgrade

By far our best experience was the RIP Tour. We loved it! If your budget allows, splurge for this if you want to see EVERYTHING with minimal fuss and zero lines. But this upgrade doesn't come cheap, starting at $159.99 (inc tax) per person PLUS event ticket. It's all down to personal choice and budget. Premier and Preferred Annual Passholders get 10% off and Power Annual Passholders get 5% off, on select event nights.

Our new BFF was a little on the crazy side

We hope you survive to tell the tale of your Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Orlando. Don't scream too loud now!

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[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 6

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Joe Bob's SummerSchool edition of Monstervision with special guests a blonde Bride of Frankenstein and a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon plus the feature movie "The Surgeon" *The striking black and white intro flashback throws light on what this flick really is. It's a tribute to those 30s/40s/50s mad doctor horror shows, with quirky 1990s  sensibilities laced throughout.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything is Terrible: Summer Fun --------------

*Psalty: Dramatic kids hang out with a blue, scripture talking song book.*            2 stars

*Bike Safety Rap: Don't skin your knees or risk your life.* 1 star

*Central Florida Hell: Dump elderly dad down where Chi Chi Rodriguez dwells.* 2 1/2 stars

*2 Minute Boat Trip: Goober Pudding Jr. is not a COCKSUCKER! Horatio Sanz... who knows?* 2 stars

*3 Minute Heavy Metal Summer: Shock rockers, with a heart of gold, versus yuppy prejudice and slimeball business types at a camp/resort.* 3 stars

*Acting with Tom Hanks: Swimsuit models wanna make their silly dreams come true.* 2 stars

*Conceal and Carry: Speed, women, fanny pack!* 3 stars

*Kidz Conquer Mexico: Another culture exploited by brats.* 2 1/2 stars

*Message in a Cell Phone: Crack the code and get Chad's dad out of prison.*  3 stars

*Birthdays Faith First: Father Tim loves his birthday and Uncle Sam.*                 2 1/2 stars

*2 Minute Beach Fever: Kato Kaelin and Jacki Chan enjoy the fruits of rabor.*   2 1/2 stars

======================================================

I'm Alan Partridge: I Know What Alan Did Last Summer *Dodging the tax man.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"The Day After" --1983-- *"World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones."* 3 stars

The Twilight Zone: The Midnight Sun *Fever dream.* 3 stars

Heart She Holler: Klansgender Rights *We're all the same underneath a clean, white sheet.* 2 stars

Squidbillies: Granny Hot Foot *Happier than a pig, in shit, who just won the Daytona 500.* 2 1/2 stars

Adult Swim --infomercials-- In Search of the Miracle Man *Interviewing people on the street about their love for a yet to be seen super guru and asking them how often they masturbate, plus keeping a close watch on a sunbathing beauty, in case the guru shows up there. Add in a sing along, act unfunny along, self aware studio audience for even less laughs. A guy from Mighty Boosh and Snuff Box (Rich Fulcher) and a guy from Upright Citizens Brigade and Crossballs (Matt Besser), along with another recognizable face from the Sarah Silverman Show, can all do better and funnier in 12 minutes. Drunk History for example.* 1 star

Freddy's Nightmares: Rebel Without A Car -----

*A mullet-motor-head thinks a cursed muscle-car is his ticket out of Springwood, but maybe he should have taken his girl's advice and sought a smarter path.* 2 1/2 stars

*A girl, from the wrong side of the tracks, gets accepted to be a Cinderella slave for snobbish sorrority sisters, during hellish hazing, where they hope to put her on the road.Instead, she turns Carrie, on the cunts, and burns the house to the ground.* 2 1/2 stars

------------------------

Swamp Thing: Falco *"Nature is a maniac!" That's pretty existential for a falcon unwillingly turned half human by the arrogant Arcane. Overly dramatic and unintentionally funny.*       3 stars

Jonny Quest: Treasure of the Temple *Masterfully animated Mayan adventure.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Night Strangler *Gritty Civil War era alchemy, and a Victorian Era style Jack the Ripper killer, in the dark alleys and underground of a Pacific Northwest seaport town.* 3 stars

12:01 Beyond --Halloween special-- -2014- =====================

*The Victim's Family - Have A Nice Day (music video): Skeletal puppets kick your face in and tell you to enjoy your shitty job and life.* close to 3 stars

*Fulfilled, A Halloween Story: A modern Lovecraftian tragic figure refuses to join in on the pop culture / commercial celebrations of Halloween and instead chooses to spend All Hallow's Eve, and possibly eternity, in the Twilight Zone.* close to 3 stars

*Trailer for Dario Argento's "Creepers": 3 stars

*Vintage WXXA cHANNEL 23 - Halloween movie marathon commercial for their movie lineup including 'An American Werewolf in London', 'House', 'Videodrome', 'Psycho 3': 3 stars

*"Horror of the Zombies" 1973: A millionaire, a money hungry mercenary type, and an agency of modeling get involved in a publicity stunt that would leave some models stranded in a boat on the sea. However, they all wind up in some interdimensional fog and end up boarding a ghost-ship where the blind monks of Mestophilles roam.* 2 stars

*Monster Rally Movie: Advertisement for an old horror host Channel 4 show.*   3 stars

*Pumpkin Madness 2: Ordinary pumpkins let loose destructive behavior.*           2 1/2 stars

*Animation in the style of Superjail or the video for Paranoid Android by Mariola Brillowska.* 3 stars

*Phantasm's 'The Tall Man' promotes Fangoria magazine.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fleishcher Studios- Superman - The Mummy Strikes.* 3 stars

*A Republic Pictures serial - The Crimson Ghost - Atomic Peril: A criminal mastermimd is so determined to get his hands on a device that will bring the world's electrical will to its knees, that he's willing to prevent its use in bringing the Cold War to a close.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fight the monster of pay and or cable tv in an awesome retro anti-cable tv advertisement shown to a paying movie theater audience.* 3 stars

======================================================

Star Wars Rebels: Rise of the Old Masters *A Sith inquisitor lures roam Jedi to their doom, using the bones of a Jedi Master.the Empire is putting out false distress signals saying that the master is alive and in need of a prison escape rescue.* 3 stars

TMNT: The Croaking *After watching Thundarr the Barbarian, Mikey spazzes out and destroys the farmhouse. When scolded, flees to the forest where he encounters Napoleon Bonafrog (voiced by Napoleon Dynamite) who happens to be the outcast of his own tree-frog human-hating society.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible --Halloween Bonus-- --2012--   =========================

*Cosby Nightmarez: Bill takes a break from drugging women to have his own bad dream.* 3 stars

*Tim Curry Halloween Song: A crooning wizard makes the witches howl.* 3 stars

*Vincent Price: An elderly icon shills 3D film cameras.* 2 stars

*3 Minute Grandpa is a Vampire: Grandpa Munster hangs out with his radical 90s grandson and his grandson's friend while grandma tries to cheat on him and put a stake thru his old heart.* 2 1/2 stars

*Boogie Bonez: "Knick Knack Paddywhack"* 3 stars

*Death Spa: Don't let an exorcist hacker control your electronic gym, if you're a cheating ex and give memberships to jerk yuppies.* 3 stars

*Halloween Propaganda: "Every Halloween, children are dying."* 3 stars

*Lovely Little Monster: Anne Rice chick hip hop. Dance routine sign language. Rick James voodoo zombie. Bathsalt freakout Twilight romance.* 3 stars

*Pops Ghostly: A Casper family man vents on his family's hellcat home invasion frustration.* 2 1/2 stars

*Punkinman: The Bob Villa (this old house) / Bob Ross (happy clouds painter) of stickin' it in a pumpkin and getting the best out.* 2 1/2 stars

*Zombie Workout: Spunky Linnea Quigley criticizes the falling apart shape of the undead and has them working out their rotten flesh.* close to 3 stars

*3 Minute Ghosthouse: A Back to the Future Michael J. Fox wannabe look-a-like goes up against some zany frighteners.* 3 stars

======================================================================

Z Nation: Doctor of the Dead *Not much soap opera for a zombie series finale, mostly just zombie stuff. A shadowy scientist running around globally, pre zombie outbreak, conducting gruesome, and unknown for purposes, field experiments. Creepy CDC style medical lab, in Colorado, filled with zombie testing gone wrong. Tiny Asian chick is dying but comes back as a kung fu z with Alice from Resident Evil maneuvers (not a big fan of that). Cameo from the doomed lovers to show they'll be back next season (Oh, great... yawn). And a big finish cliffhanger with Murphy "shedding his skin" (could be creepy and great) and running off leaving everyone else, including Citizen Z at the North Pole, to stare dumbly at their impending demise which is nuclear missiles dropping in to say hi.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 14 "My Guests Are Mannequins" ---------------

*Antonio, Tone Loc's cousin, volunteers to help park rangers clean the roadkill off of a bridge that a Chupacabra lives under.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*A 'You Betcha' cocktail waitress serves cheeze and ritz crackers to a honky's stuffy mannequin party guests and is scared to refuse his offer to "Party Forever" with him.* 3 stars

*A crematorium trainee turns white as a ghost, and he was black to begin with, when he flips the flame switch and a woman's husband pops out still alive just crispy.* 3 stars

==============================================================

X Files: Conduit *Alien abductee or possible runaway of ill-refute and her baby brother who can read into the matrix.* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Raimi presents American Gothic: Pilot Episode *What if Sheriff Andy Taylor were a controlling psycho who'd go as far as framing his own deputy, Barney, for murder, and what if Opie had a William Faulkner and Ambrose Bierce childhood...?* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "The Wraith" (Summer School Session - Driver's Education with the author of the NYC cab driver joke book) *It was inevitable that the spirit of the American Highway would be symbolized by a fiery car crash.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Caught in the Act *A college virgin, Alyssa Milano, gives the worst case of blue balls, until an alien parasite turns her into a raging nympho succubus.* 2 stars slipping towards      1 1/2 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 11 *A nice, retired, Queens NY lady needed the Penn State crew and a noted medium, in demons, to tell her to stop trying to contact the dead through the use of evp.* 2 stars

Bob and Margaret: The Burglary *The couple get a little too greedy, themselves, after their old stuff gets stolen and they have to replace it with all new stuff.* 3 stars

The Prisoner: A, B, and C *Number 6 continues to be defiant, even in his dreams. Dreams that The Village is now determined to surveillance.* 3 stars

Mike Tyson Mysteries: Is Magic Real? *Mike is the only non skeptic concerning Mexican leprechauns.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: Dong of the Dead *Two words... butt auditions.* 3 stars

Ken Russell's "Crimes of Passion" *It's sleazy Charles Bukowski meets Russ Meyer. Kathleen Turner is a Gloria Steinem behind a glory hole. Anthony Perkins is like a Jerry Falwell who jerks off to crime scene photos of the Black Dahlia. And John Laughlin is Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor who can't get his jackhammer plugged into a hot electrical outlet.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Can World War 3 Be An Attitude? *"You're okay. I'm okay. We're okay. Okay?"* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Security Systems *A way ahead of its time investigative look at security organizations (*cough* the N.S.A. *cough*) and how complete access to so much information, personal and otherwise, can only lead to that kind of knowledge being abusively used.*   3 stars

South Park: Cock Magic *Magic the Gathering greater than girls volleyball.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -Freakshow- "Bloodbath" *From the head to the legs. From the body to the mind.* 2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "The Time Machine" 1960 *Joe Bob and Rusty the mail girl demonstrate worm hole theory using a dirty bedsheet and a bowling ball. Meanwhile, Rod Taylor zips from turn of the 20th century England to thousands of years in the future where angelic, naive youth live in a garden of eden paradise as cattle for cavern dwelling commie cannibals.* 3 stars

Farscape: Til the Blood Runs Clear *Being the 'big dog' with a pair of Beavis & Butthead moron bloodhound bounty hunters, and getting ripped off at a spacecraft repair shop ran by a Roseanne type.* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Wizard Wars *The cybernetic oversized head of a warlock Fred Flinstone uses hypnotized sandpeople as slaves to lay siege on another magician's desert stronghold.*     3 stars

Tosh.0 -Who Shot Black Santa? -2014 *The greatest Christmas present is hot cocoa served with love.* 2 1/2 stars

SyFy presents "End of the World" 2014 *Generic doomsday movie junkies, who work at a videostore, must break a scientist (Brad Dourif) out of the nuthouse so that he can help them save the world from being destroyed by a heliosphere.* 1 1/2 stars for aesthetics and special fx 2 stars for plot and characters and 2 1/2 stars for oddly humorous moments like hicks with guns getting in the way of nerds that are mankind's only hope, and randomly timed deaths

Tru Tv presents: World's Smartest Inventions 11 *Using robots for end of life care. No shame in hanging from a tree, on a hiking trail, and pooping, or standing on a sidewalk and pissing out the bottom of pant legs using a tube. Or having a doctor recommend to "ice the balls" in order to conceive, so a guy runs out and invents chilled underwear.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything is Terrible --Christmas Bonus-- 2012 --------------------------

*Snowdogs vs. Chillydogs: They're basically the same movie, give or take a few minor differences.* 2 1/2 stars

*Hanukkah Homeboy: "Don't noodge me."* 2 1/2 stars

*Celebrity Guide to X-Mas: Ed Begley Jr. can't relax his environmental beliefs in order to not ruin Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars

*Dr. Christmas: Artificial tree tips for a superficial Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars

*Gerbert Christmas Wish: A muppet's melancholy holiday.* 2 1/2 stars

*Holiday Showtime: Branson, Missouri is holiday purgatory.* 3 stars

*Jingle Cats: Make a joyful noise unto the Lord.* 3 stars

*Lawrence Welk Holiday Song: From now on our troubles will be miles awayayayaya.* 2 stars

*Natural Professional Tree: Step back and check for a natural appearance.*      2 stars

*Visit with Santa: Santa Q & A with dumb kids.* 3 stars

*Brent the Christmas Bear: Marvin Gaye gaiety.* 3 stars

*Glitter n Gold: A plea for puppet peace and relationship harmony.* 3 stars

*Kathy Lee Hip Hop: Horrid.* 1 star

*2 Minute Parental Guidance: Deck the halls and shake dat ass.* 3 stars

*Reggae Deck the Halls: Farmyard follalollalah.* 2 1/2 stars

*Santa with Muscles: Scrooge Ed Begley Jr. wants to close down the orphanage and exploit the kids as elf miners, but not if amnesiac, department store Santa Hulk Hogan has anything to say about it.* 2 1/2 stars

*X-Mas Nightmare 2012: Santa can't be asked to do the impossible, like alleviating the cynicism that comes with adulthood.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fuck Christmas: A humble shoemaker has had it up to here with the holidays, in this heartwarming tale.* 3 stars

*Chipper's X-Mas Adventure: A chipmunk goes crazy when his treehome is chopped down by joyous honkys.* 3 stars

*E.T. Porno: Smell E.T.'s finger.* 2 1/2 stars

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Freddy's Nightmares: The Bride Wore Red *A groom's cold feet get raked over hot coals. Also, rappin' Freddy.* 2 stars *For the bride with daddy issues, divorce is a fate worse than death.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: The Thing from the Grave *A lesson about not getting in between a no-nonsense, jealous boyfriend with a short-fuse (Miguel Ferrer) and his prized piece of cooze (Teri Garr). That is unless one has a charm necklace that can bring a vengeful corpse back from its shallow grave.* 3 stars

"Mirror Mirror" -1991- *A shy ugly duckling begins to flower when she embraces her dark reflection.*   3 stars

American Horror Story -Asylum- "I Am Anne Frank" *Auschwitz. Axe murder. Aversion therapy. Amputee monstrosity. Acceptance of guilt. Absentee motherhood. Alcoholic relapse. Alien abduction. Alma's alive!*  3 stars

Lars Von Trier's "Melancholia" *3 stars for gorgeously moody photography and score. 2 1/2 stars for symbolism (melancholia is here to stay). 2 stars for rogue planet collision apocalypse scenario. 1 1/2 stars for insufferable characters (mopey rich women). 1 star for pretentiousness 1/2 a star for snail pacing (2 hours felt like 5 hours). zero stars for jerky handheld camerwork

Gargoyles: Enter MacBeth *Another MacBeth who likes to do things on his own turf, and yet again all because of a lady.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: -season 3 -episode 5 *"The birds have scales and the fish take wing."* 3 stars

Paranormal State: -season 1 -episode 12 *A psychic can't get her stories straight when it comes to a former schoolhouse's spirits. Credit to the Penn State crew for seeing through her b.s.* 2 stars

The Outer Limits: The Voyage Home *On the first manned mission to mars, a space bug is snagged, and one giant step for mankind turns into a suicidal leap.* 2 1/2 stars

Scare Tactics: The Chef Cooks a Human --------------

*Safe installation turns out to be a safe cracking burglary.* 2 1/2 stars

*Rear Window scenario where peeping at a neighbor who is an escort loses its thrill when she stabs an abusive client and informs her big heavy pimp that there are witnesses to the crime.* 2 1/2 stars

*Finding a ring in the hamburger meat and a bloody, armless dude in the freezer.* 3 stars

*Parents meet their teenage son's new girlfriend and find out she's already pregnant, but only it's from an alien, not the teenage son.* 2 1/2 stars

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Russell Mulcahy's "The Shadow" -1994- *Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Alec Baldwin knows.*   between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: From Beyond the Grave *"See the ship, hear it speak from deep down in the hold." Lyrics from a song sang by Jim's dead grandma. Words directing Jim, and his mom, to granny's last will and testament, hidden, in the swamp, so that Arcane can't take possession of her property and pollute and further exploit it.* 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: -season 1 -episode 4 *Dream perchance debenture.* 2 1/2 stars

"Slipstream" *A loveable scoundrel (Bill Paxton) steals away a messiah-like android, from a hardline bountyhunter (Mark Hammil), on a journey across a windswept wasteland in a post-cataclysm story filled with hot air balloons, small airplanes, and eccentric nomads.* 2 1/2 stars

Christmas with Rifftrax: Santa's Village of Madness / K. Gordan Murray shorts *Never has the mythology of Saint Nick been more mucked with.*                      2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Jonny Quest: Werewolf of the Timberland *Gold smuggling lumberjacks in the French Canadian forest.* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: Shopping *"Cheese of the week." The convenient inconvenience of supermarkets.*          3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Alan Wide Shut *"Hot floppy bread." Needless to say, Alan had the last laugh. Now, fuck off!.*     3 stars

True Life: I Want Respect For My Sect *A Juggalo bride's parents opt out of their daughter's Juggalo themed wedding. Pretentious vampires, in the pretentious Texas city of Austin, have a coming out party in order to gain new members and understanding. A cute 18 year old "furry" seems genuinely happy to have her parents acceptance at being able to attend her first convention.* 2 stars

Ghost Adventures: Dungeons & Demons *"Something just grabbed my ass!" The three bros travel to some of the world's most tainted holes.* 2 stars

Adventure Time: Holly Jolly Secrets *Deciphering the Ice King's weirdo home movies becomes a holiday tradition.*   2 stars

Farscape: Rhapsody in Blue *Madness is the mind's co-pilot.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

X Files: The Jersey Devil *Naked Neanderthals on the outskirts of Atlantic City.* 3 stars

12:01 Beyond: Kneel Before the Future ----------------------

*D.O.A. - Behind the Smile: Things are looking bright for election 2016.* 3 stars

*Commander Lobo trips and falls heading out to the wasteland.* 2 stars

*Ninja Force, the Mission: Bacon jitsu vs. cheese.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*Silverball Heroes versus Video Invaders in Arcade Attack* 3 stars

*Lobo in the wasteland sponsored by...* 2 1/2 stars

*A vintage trailer for Terminal City Ricochet.* 3 stars

*-984- Prisoner of the Future: Detained to desolation.* 3 stars

*Lobo thirsts and pines in the wasteland.* 3 stars

*Intimate Secrets - Secrets that have to be told - 1 900 - adults only - $2.00 per minute* 3 stars

*iBraineater - Modern Man (music video)* 3 stars

*JacMac & RadBoy GO!: Wow, did Mike Judge rip this off?* 3 stars

*Commander Lobo finds ThunderDome covered in feces.* 3 stars

*Robotistory: A video history of robots in pop culture entertainment.* 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo wants to go back home to his bunker.* 2 stars

*Max Fleischer's Superman - The Mechanical Monsters* 3 stars

*Vintage 1990 Live Psychic Readings commercial that's in the style of the X-Files intro. Eerie nostalgia.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures serial The Crimson Ghost - Chapter 2 - Thunderbolt: Death ray escape debacle.* 2 1/2 stars

*Tex Avery's Jerky Turkey: Skipped. already viewed and reviewed

*Lobo has a biohazard demise.* 2 stars

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Tales from the Crypt: The Sacrifice *"Money, pussy, and bullshit." Also a few cussing parrots and a sleazy & kinky Michael Ironside.* 3 stars

"Howling 4, the Original Nightmare" *A novelist, with a vivid imagination, would rather chase the ghost of a nun, hangout with a lesbian ex-nun and search for clues to a legend of a werewolf church burning, and listen to howls on the wind in the night than have sex with her feathered-hair-do, five o'clock shadow bearded bohunk cheating husband.* 2 stars

American Horror Story -Freakshow- "Tupperware Party Massacre" *Avon culling. Chubby Chaser. Liquored lobster. Lingering Ethel. Privileged killer. Suicide letter. Shamelessly long pecker. Playing doctor. Tearjerker. Siamese threeway  offer rejection. Jimmy sober and smitten. Framejob bloody mitten.* 2 1/2 to 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: The Great Montarro *Sarcophagus artifice.* 3 stars

"Dragonslayer" 1981 *Not the sorcerer that we want right now, but the sorcerer that we need. The lottery where the winner gets spit-roasted by Smaug has to be the absolute worst. There may have never been more themes of gender inequality, social-political injustice, and the transition between Paganism and Christianity ever before in a Sword & Sorcery flick.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: -season 1 -episode 13 *Cursed and mice infested piano for free on Craigslist.* 2 to 1 1/2 stars

Bob and Margaret: Trick or Treat *"the misery of eternal non-existence"* 2 1/2 stars

"Loose Shoes" -1980- ---------------------------------------------------

*The Howard Huge Story: "His hobby was watching planes fuck."* 3 stars

*Skateboarders From Hell: "Lock up your sons and daughters."* 3 stars

*The Invasion of the Penis Snatchers: "Coming at you in 3-D!"* 3 stars

*Three Chairs For Lefty: Bill Murray on death row.* 3 stars

*The Sneaker: Woody Allen parody.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Magic and Mystery of the Gobi* 3 stars

*Buddy Hackett on behalf of this nation's bed-wetters* 3 stars

*Don't forget organic chocolate covered beanettes.* 2 1/2 stars

*Ditch your kids at the matinee.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Shaggy Studio Chief plus the Calf Who Thought She Was A Chicken*       2 stars

*The Bad News Bares in Getting Laid* 3 stars

*A Visit With Ma and Pa: Ma and Pa take a talking pig to New York City* 3 stars

*The Birth of a Nation, parody* 2 1/2 stars

*The Kid and the Yid. Charlie the bum was a hebrew commie jew* 3 stars

*The Ballerina Is Dead in "Scuffed Shoes"* 2 1/2 stars

*Just a Run in the Sun: Cynical and funny war tragedy story.* 3 stars

*Fistful of Something: Sid Haig in a Spaghetti Western spoof.* 3 stars

*Welcome to Bacon County: Hicksploitation hilarity.* 3 stars

*That's Sexploitation! Under 18 must sneak in.* 3 stars

*The Return of the Pom Pom Boys: Sex comedy with a twist. This time it's the guys who are getting exploited.* 3 stars

*Billy Jerk Goes To Oz: Sticking up for the little man.* 3 stars

*Darktown After Dark: The first all black musical.* 3 stars

*Star (of David) Wars* 2 1/2 stars

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Scare Tactics: season 2 -episode 20 "Weirdo in the Haunted House" ----------

*Taking high school chemistry doesn't make one a chemist, especially evident when green goop, accidentally poured down the sink, by said non-chemist, comes gushing through the ceiling, doors, cracks, vents, and walls.* 3 stars

*Almost torched alive, in a van, by a psycho hitchhiker.* 3 stars

*Stripper audition interrupted by a jealous, meathead boyfriend who likes to throw guys out of windows.* 2 1/2 stars

*A closed down haunted house attraction, and former crime scene, has an uninvited guest who doesn't want to be disturbed.* 2 stars

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"Phantasm 4, Oblivion" *On the other side of morning.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: War *Network 23's poodle and pony show has the advertising bulls and bears instead hitching up to the war hysteria for profit media wagon.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: The New Breed *Nanobots don't know when to stop. They turn a terminally ill man into a Frankenstein's monster of evolution.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Do Dreams Bleed? *The lingering trauma of having witnessed a brutal slaying.* 2 1/2 stars *Intimate personal closeness with a possible deranged killer can play foul with the mind.* 2 stars

"The Blair Witch Project" *"We're still alive because we got cigarettes, and we're smoking." Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians have a Deliverance weekend where they get choked in the shallow waters before they get too deep. The grunge era Autumn setting, lost in the woods paranoia, and low fi minimalist creative use of limited fx (stick figures and bundles of sticks with bloody body parts along with the noises and the spooky house) make up for the film students arguing in the middle of nowhere with a shaking camera nonsense that takes place for more than half of the film.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

X Files: Shadows *Mulder: *whispering* psycho-kinetic-manipulation / Scully: *amused* You mean like Carrie at the prom? --- Turns out it was a Ghost versus some terrorists and a jerk boss. Also, a missed opportunity to have Patrick Swayze as a guest star on the X Files.* 2 1/2 stars

"Alice Sweet Alice" -1977- *Impolite middle class Catholic society, cruel aunts, spoiled siblings, flamboyantly slobbish perverts, snap to judgement child psychologists, and pinch faced old church women with religious hangups are all worse than slightly odd and so called out of control tweens. Also, it's a shame that Brooke Shields' name is at the top of the movie's poster. She's barely in it, and the other little girl along with the rest of the cast are the soul of the movie.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Girls Town *Scat and slang.* between 2 & 2 1/2 stars with riffing,                                between 1 1/2 & 2 stars without

Joe Bob's Hollywood Saturday Night: To The Limit *"Anna Nicole Smith gives retired, Texas strippers a bad name."                      Joe Bob Briggs* between 1 and 1 1/2 stars for this heavy edited softcore stinker

Weird Science: She's Alive *"a scathing indictment of a braindead, sexist MTV generation" 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Phantom Cab *The Midnight Society start out by having a pair of lost Hansel & Hansel brothers putting a hole in a barrel out in the Canadian forest with a reject teacher from Hogwarts.* 3 stars

American Gothic: A Tree Grows In Trinity *Let Heaven and nature sting.* 3 stars

The Tom Green Show on Canadian television circa 1996(?) *"Who's the champ -NOW- champ?" Tom strangely bothers teachers on strike, concert goers, drugists, mall shoppers, poor fishermen, and former bowling league champions. He also  plays footsie with a dating service lady.* 2 stars

Kung Fu, the series: Pilot Episode *Sometimes one must cut off a finger in order to save a hand, and sometimes one must hang himself in order to get off. Inner strength incapacitates ignorance.* 3 stars

"Country Hooker" *In the tune of a CB radio listenin' truck drivin' country western croon, "Doin' what they damn well please..." That is until their demented Tennessee Ernie Ford -esque pimpdaddy finds out. There are some freaks in this flick, and I don't mean the tricks, it's the johns and the honky tonk patrons.* 2 1/2 stars

"Christmas Evil" aka "You Better Watch Out" *If it's not a Jolly Dream, it's not worth having.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Village of the Giants *These days, kids are getting too big for their britches. Of course, I'm talking about a Mousketeer, Opie, the kid from The Rifleman, and Beau Bridges.*         3 stars with riffing or 2 stars without

Tales from the Crypt: For Cryin' Out Loud *A real high pitched squealer with a weasel, rock promoter whose clients like Iggy Pop and Donny Osmond get on his nerves, a seductress blackmailer Katey Sagal trying to reach in his pants to snatch half of a million smackers, and an angry voice of reason Sam Kinison screaming his tell tell heart out constantly.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

New World Pictures "Candy Stripe Nurses" 1974 *A socially conscious skin-flick with sophisticated modern women who are smarter than the bohunks they seduce, Gran Torino type bitter old men griping about the decline of their local neighborhoods, commentary on a flawed justice system for minorities, student athlete doping controversy, medical malpractice issuing of needless prescriptions scandal, sexually repressed and spoiled rockstar, seventees era streaking, existential conversations while flirting, and just enough hospital setting hanky panky.* 3 stars

American Horror Story --Coven-- "Bitchcraft" *The part where Darren walked in on Tabitha going down on Elvira while Melissa Joan Hart cut herself with a razor blade for attention and the cast of Designing Women boiled that poor black guy (Meshach Taylor) alive in a caldron... hocus whoa...cus* 2 1/2 stars

Doctor Who (fourth doctor) "Pyramid of Mars" *Imprisoned ancient gods are always showing up in the isolated British countryside and killing 3 or 4 old men in their plot to destroy the world. Thanks to the Doctor, nobody else in the world ever notices.* 2 1/2 stars

TMNT: Mazes & Mutants *A lonely live action roleplayer gasses the turtles so that he can play a game with them in the sewers.* 2 1/2 stars

He-Man & She-Ra, A Christmas Special *Horde Prime wishes to stop Orko and two adorable Earth children from bringing the gospel of Chris Cringle to Eternia. Special guests the Smurf Transformers, the Eternian Decepticons, the Little Mermaid, and Skeletor's heart grew 3 sizes that day.* 2 1/2 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Pinball Wizard *Super-soaker, now that's playing with power. A compulsive free play gamer gets trapped in the mall, inside a pinball machine, with a princess in distress, and is Sixpence None the Richer for it.*  between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: The Shipment *Arcane corrupts the local law enforcement into mutant trafficking and the crooked Sheriff helps kidnap Jim, fake Jim's death, and ship Jim off to South America. We finally get to see Swamp Thing show some physical muscle in a brawl with a stunt man and it's revealed what had to be painfully obvious all along, that the town had to have a corrupt police force in order for Arcane to be doing so many vile things without it coming to legal light.* 3 stars

"Neon City" 1991 *A disgruntled, former lawman (Michael Ironside) begrudgingly runs protection for a RV stagecoach of ragtag wayfarers across the cursed earth.* 2 1/2 stars

The Outer Limits: The Message *Binary E.T. S.O.S. for a deaf woman with a defective ear implant and new mother depression along with voices in her head making the domestic partner daddy think she's schizoid because she runs off with a looney janitor / UFO believer.* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Warlock the Armageddon *Runes and Druids. Smalltown fear and hatred of devil worship. Two young should destined to be lovers who are kept apart by ignorance and circumstance. Parents of the picturesque smalltown trying to protect a dark secret. Some horribly dated CGI (forgivable). Nice and twistedly gruesome gore fx to make up for the bad CGI. A charismatic villain (Julian Sands) who is just as good as Marvel's Loki (Tom Hiddleston).* 2 1/2 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 14 *In a house that was once a part of the underground railroad, there's a clash of values between a modern inter-racial family and a strict religious spirit of a lady who was an abolitionist.* 2 stars

"Home for the Holidays" 1972 *"There's nothing more chilling than a warm family gathering." An And Then There Were None style story at a stormy, secluded setting where the more stable sibling is the most sinister.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

--- Freddy's Nightmares: The End of the World

*Hazy earliest memories are repressed because they involve accidentally killing mommy and crippling a childhood friend, but a girl discovers she can dream things differently and it will fix the present. But unfortunately, there's a butterfly effect.* 2 1/2 stars

*The same girl, from before, is now having prophetic dreams of a nuclear warhead going off on U.S. soil. The C.I.A. is extra curious as to how she got launch codes, and once they figure out she's not fooling or getting tipped off from the inside, well they want to exploit her in their cold war pursuits, while she just wants to make sure that a disturbed sleepwalking missile defense employee doesn't make his Christmas nightmares of melting his son's favorite cartoon character Gumby's face off along with his own son's innocent face as well come true.* 3 stars

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"Class of 1984" *An irresponsible idiot subjects his pregnant wife to a brutal gang rape and torture all because he wants to be an inspirational music educator at one of those imaginary innercity hell highschools where he can't help but feud with the worst gang in a school that has its disciplinary hands tied with the usual red tape bullshit. This was way before zero tolerance. When teach has to turn vigilante just to earn 30k a year, a mild mannered biology professor (Roddy McDowall) has to hold a gun on his pupils just to get their focus on his lessons, and a timid tattle tell (Michael J. Fox) winds up shanked in the liver, just to name a few things, there might be good reason to move back to a smalltown or the suburbs and spare the rod.* 3 stars

Shaw Brothers: Fists of the White Lotus *White Lotus can't be touched because he fights hammer style. A lesson about a gentle approach and pinpointing the right pulse.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics: season 2 episode 22 "Mom's Crazy" -------------

*Little grey men nick around a ranch house near area 51.*                      between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

*Falling into a wanted by the government hacker's booby trap.* 2 1/2 stars

*Having a nice evening with a psycho park ranger.* 2 1/2 stars

*Mommie dearest keeps her abducted little girl in a cage.* 3 stars

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"Ultra Flesh" 1980 *Sugar (cocaine?) is making the world's men impotent and the President of the United States pays a visit to a third world dictator (Jamie Gillis) whose people seem to have no problem snorting and screwing. Secretly, however, the dictator is a Mr. Freeze type alien who uses his dwarf henchmen to plot against the earth women. An intergalactic group of horny aliens send down Ultra Flesh, a vixen from Venus, to shoot laser beams out of her poonanny and help earth propagate again.* 3 stars

The Prisoner: Free For All *Who are you voting for? Which puppet candidate will it be? "You wouldn't deny the rite of proper procedure?"* 3 stars

New World Pictures presents Larry Cohen's "God Told Me To" --1976-- *Urban upheaval caused by a lot of gristle in the melting pot. The doggedly determined forced by personal convictions that are of soul tearing origins. The easily swayed are proned to random acts of violence. The new age fortunate are full of fallacy with their fancy notions. And the pitiful and holy are just as much victims as they inadvertently victimize others in their own inability to face up to the burden of consequences that come with cruel circumstance.* 3 stars

X Files: Ghost in the Machine *Interfacing Promethean resistively. The machine is dead. Long live the machine.* 2 1/2 stars

"Silent Night, Bloody Night" --1972-- *A season of violence come to bare its withered, ugly fruit. The sepia soaked orgy of murder by the mental patients along with the undertones of incest, then father assuming the identity of his dead daughter, whom he fathered a child with, is all rather haunting/disturbing.* close to 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 15 *The spirit of a war veteran still haunts the barn where he committed suicide after a alzheimer's diagnosis. So, the team brings in an army honor guard to have a memorial service where a piece of his skull was buried, by his wife, on the property. Also, a little boy, from before the middle of the 20th century, who died of the croop, on the property, is sensed as just a mischevious spirit by medium Chip Coffey.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Open House" *Squint and bite down. There will be no sale. These spirits won't be built over, smothered out, skull fucked, love requited, or made to polish their own silver again.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Twilight Zone the movie *John Landis does okay thanks to the tragically killed Vic Morrow . Spielberg can only do schmaltzy Spielberg. Joe Dante puts some thrilling touches on a classic. Lithgow trumps Shatner in the freakout department, but none of these outings are as good as Rod Serling and the original.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything is Terrible --Holiday Special-- -2012- *"He sees you eat your pizza. He sees you eat your pizza."* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Four-Sided Triangle *The sour couple from the Grant Wood American Gothic painting think they can hold captive a farmgirl to do all their chores. And Patricia Arquette is sure purty enough to make the crops grow. But the farmer's horny ignorance coupled with his wife's jealous mean streak are no match for the cow milking maiden's cleverness.* 3 stars

The Tom Green Show on Canadian television circa the late 1990s *Somewhere between Andy Kaufman and the geek who bites the heads off chickens at the county fair.* close to 2 1/2 stars

William Peter Blatty's "The Ninth Configuration" --1980-- *"Consider the lillies of the field."* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Double Jeopardy *"You figure that you're owed something for all the love and compassion that you carry in you..." A liberal cop comes face to face with the harsh reflection of reality in an oily mudpuddle on the other side of the rainbow. One of many storyline elements including Dan Hedaya as a dirty cop who turns out surprisingly to be easily deeply sympathetic for.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Dead Talk Back *A model murdered by crossbow. Was it the amateur necromancer, the hip richboy, the confrontational preacher, the quiet abuser, the German pervert, or the nervous pornographer? If the dead girl can't tell us, we'll never know. Detective work depends on kooky science and no forensic nonsense.*             2 stars with riffing 1 star without

"The Conjuring" --2013-- *It's surprising to learn that famed demonologists The Warrens were actually selfless truthseekers and not the scam artists they were proven to be.*        close to 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The Dreadful Doll *Witchdoctor Beavis working for a mercenary Fred Flintstone.* 2 1/2 stars

"Phase IV" --1974-- *The perceived terror of a terrrestrial advancement not our own.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: I Robot *What is the value of conceived worth? Adam Link, the first sentient robot, has an amount of quality, as relating to empathy, greater than most humans.*         3 stars

South Park: #Rehash *Commentary and clit rubbing, both by obnoxious social media celebrities, is the entertainment content of the future.* 3 stars

South Park: #Happy Holograms *The most ignorant Christas special ever is now trending.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Birth Marks *Kari Wuhrer joins the cast as a test tube teen, and Jim's older brother -Will- becomes the central character as ST's link to the human world.* 2 1/2 stars

"Rewind This" --2013-- *"Don't let your mom tell you that you can't make a monster movie." *quoting* a door to door monster movie salesman and the self proclaimed Ed Wood of the 21st century. That pretty much sums up the 30 plus year culture, that became a cult, of video.* 3 stars

"Forced Entry" --1974-- *One of the first movies to deal with post traumatic stress disorder also happens to be a gritty 1970s NYC serial killer study mixed with a sleazy 42nd street rough porno. This is when skin flicks tried to be film art and this one is bold enough to juxtapose a home invasion sicko's forced oral money shot with scenes of burning Vietnamese villages and crying villagers.*                       either zero stars or 2 1/2 stars

David Cronenberg's "Dead Ringers" *One never has to feel alone what with shared life experiences, sexual opponents, the psychic connection between siblings, or the prescribed lifeline of addiction.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Universal Remote *Skipping through the boring parts of life just to hurry up and get to second base with girls.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Tim & Eric -Awesome Show- Great Job! ---Chrimbus Special--- -2010- *"The Winter Man wants you to eat a pound of hair per year."*                     close to 2 1/2 stars

Bob & Margaret: The Holiday *Hijacked hip hip hooray.* 3 stars

Thundarr the Barbarian: Battle of the Barbarians *Big barbarians in little Beijing.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: season 3 -episode 6 *There's more than one way to kindle a fire, skin a rabbit, marry into an inbred family, serve a deity, shoot arrows, inflict torture, or climb an icy face of a wall.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: Beyond Life and Death *Wow, Bob, Wow!* 3 stars

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community TV- The Comedy Network --1998(?)-- *Tom Green seemed funny when I was around sixteen, now, sixteen years later, he seems more like a shithead.* either zero stars or 2 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Nightly Neighbors *The people who just moved in next door are nocturnal freaks with fridges full of blood in their basement. A Nickelodeon version of Fright Night.* 2 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Doctor Jack *The key to a disgraced surgeon's miracle surgeries is a scalpel that hungers for shadowy street murders.* 3 stars

Farscape: The Flax *Scavenging, self preservation, strategic chessgames, sweet romance, and sacrifice all at the flypaper snare strip in the pirate portion of the universe.*      3 stars

Max Headroom: The Blanks *The Blanks (anonymous), for highly justified political reasons of freeing unjustly imprisoned Blanks, hack into and threatened to shut down a technology dependent society ran by corrupt corporations and politicians.*       3 stars

X Files: Ice *Who goes there? Another tense, paranoid version of the classic sci fi story involving a parasitic alien in an arctic setting.* 3 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: season 1 -episode 5 *Memorial shrine to regretful medical malpractice.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Asylum --Origins of Monstrosity-- *Skin to skin. A mother's touch.* 3 stars --Dark Cousin-- *Summon the angel of death.* 3 stars --Unholy Night-- *Satan frees Santa from solitary.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 16 *A strange, and humorously titled, ghost communication device called "Frank's Box" is used to speak to spirits trapped by a demon inside an insane asylum with a dark history and many unmarked graves on its grounds.*               between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"The Dark Secret of Harvest Home" *"What men may never know and what women may never tell." Townies from NYC accidentally take a wrong turn across a picturesque covered bridge into a frozen in colonial times New England village where the townfolk have strange customs involving corn and keeping to the old ways. The more the inquisitive sketch artist husband digs into the secrets surrounding a strange death, the more the mother and daughter get caught up in the cult nature of the many festivals. It turns out to be a fertility cult where the new blood wife is mounted and humped in front of the cuckold hubbie by a bohunk who is then beheaded. As tradition, the husband's eyes are then scratched out by the white robed pagan women for having witnessed the sacred act. See, this is why I fully throw my hat behind the patriarchy and not mother earth religions.* 3 stars

"Hot Summer in the City" ---sexploitation--- --1976-- *While a soundtrack of songs like AM radio gold classic "Everlasting Love" played as militant black power jive bruthas took turns on a scared Alice in Wonderland captive piece of "white pussy" and the group's cockeyed idiot gets brow beaten and bitch slapped for getting his "finger stuck in her asshole," I realized why this movie is self hating, w.a.s.p. hating, obvious subversive, ugly mongoloid looking Quentin Tarantino's favorite dirty movie.*                       either zero stars or close to 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --Coven-- "Boy Parts" *Extra piece of fried chicken. Frankenstein boyfriend. Ghetto hair extensions. 180 year old racist. Poisoned buckwheat. Alligator dung. Snake eggs. Stevie Nicks. Deep fried revenge. Poaching game. Minotaur Mandingo. Woman on top.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

King of the Nerds: Imaginary Realms *Cosplay challenge. The only cosplay that ever interested me was the scene from Revenge of the Nerds where there's spacesuit deception in order to get nookie from a cheerleader inside a moonwalk attraction at the fair.* 2 stars

Kung Fu, the series: King of the Mountain *Confrontation is not courageous, but it is indeed cool when it is combat, on the side of a cliff, between David Carradine and a cowboy bounty hunter John Saxon.* 3 stars

American Gothic: Eye of the Beholder *Faust Gump* 3 stars

[the-inkwell-variable]

last line tag

thank you, @drchenquill, for the tag!

so far, i'm not super far into ghostly encounters in the undead zone, so have a first line AND a last line!

“Wait – Jules’s first time is going to be in a high school?  That's fucked up.”

tagging @flock-from-the-void - @winterandwords - @willtheweaver - open tag!