#getting away from a narcissist

[truelovescamrecovery]

20 Signs Your Spouse is a Sociopath

20 distinct signs your spouse is a sociopath (a narcissist. It isn't easy to see it when you're in it. One sign is enough to run.

Wondering if you’ve got a sociopath spouse?Odd things going on, stories not matching up?Walking on eggshells?That’s how it was for all of us… Sociopath spouse in the house? This is difficult to see and a hard realization to come to. What’s amazing is how common it is to wind up with a sociopath spouse. If you’re calling them a “narcissist” keep reading: there’s only one monster. What we call…

[anne-bsd-bibliophile]

"Nobody's perfect" is such a common phrase, but depending on how it is used it can be very toxic.

I grew up in a very religious Mormon community with strict standards. For as long as I remember, I was told that people sin every day and so we have to repent of our sins every day as well. That's what "nobody's perfect" meant to them. Instead of the phrase being used to console or encourage, I mostly heard it as a way of passing judgement. "So-and-so is great, but nobody's perfect. They have plenty of shortcomings they should be working on as well." Many of my family, friends, and neighbors did everything they could to hide their own "sins" while looking down on others for whatever "sins" they must be committing, because everyone apparently sins every day.

And that's what I grew up believing. I thought I had to be perfect, because the goal was to get through the day sin free, or at least that's how I saw it. If I did everything I was told to do by my parents, teachers, and church leaders then I would be considered a good person, right? Actually, when I was a little older I learned that my unconscious thoughts were apparently full of sin as well! And my human desires were also sinful. And anything I did purely for myself was considered selfish. I remember being taught multiple times that there were good, better, and best uses of my time. Reading a book for fun was good, reading a book to learn and improve myself was better, and reading scriptures was best. So now I had to feel guilty for my unconscious thoughts I couldn't control, my body doing what it was built to do, and I had to feel guilty for having any fun or putting myself first.

As an adult I realized all of what I'd believed to be true my entire upbringing was bullshit. There is absolutely no way any person could avoid "sinning" if everything about me was considered wrong the way they made it sound. And because I wasn't perfect, because "nobody's perfect", I was made to feel like I had to make myself into as near a perfect being as I could manage in order to deserve even a morsel of acceptance or praise. But even that little bit of value I'd earned for myself wasn't worth anything because I would be reminded again and again that "nobody's perfect", meaning I'm not perfect, meaning I hadn't really earned anything in the end. All this made me feel like I was worthless and I couldn't do anything to change that.

Everything changed for me when I started learning about emotional abuse. My father was a diagnosed narcissist and he was very good at being emotionally abusive, so I had to learn how to deal with that. While I was reading about narcissistic abuse, I also realized that the religion I grew up in used the same tactics. I learned at church that everything about me was sinful. Literally. The list of sins in endless. I eventually realized that if you twist anything a certain way you can make it look like a sin, which then gives you a reason to look down on anyone who is committing that "sin." So no matter how "good" I was, I would never be good enough to anyone who was looking at me through the lens of "nobody is perfect because we are all sinners."

I remember sitting in church next to my mom one day when a woman who lived down the street was speaking. She was describing how she always felt like she wasn't good enough, she belittled herself and her accomplishments, put herself down, and made a public display of how guilty she felt and how that was why she was so humble and could feel closer to Christ. I looked at my mom and whispered, "It sounds like she's been emotionally abused." From the typical Mormon perspective, what this woman was expressing showed how humble she was. But now I could recognize that from another perspective what she said showed signs that she was a victim of emotional abuse.

Alan Watts said it better than I ever could: "Christianity institutionalized guilt as a virtue." I was taught to feel guilty even for just existing in order to make me feel indebted to God at church and my narcissistic father at home. Once I recognized how toxic that way of thinking was I couldn't bring myself to even pretend I was religious anymore. Now my way of thinking is more along the lines of, "Nobody is meant to be perfect, which is what makes everyone perfect in their own way." Instead of needing to be good enough, I'm learning to recognize the inherent value in everyone, including myself.

[kelin-is-writing]

Everyone, remind me to not trust my dad’s relatives with food and parties because they can’t do even that much the right way. The peoples are so questionable 💀

[righteous-r0de0]

yall i know yall don’t know my family drama (obviously) but i haven’t spoken to my father since my sophomore year of high school (long story) and APPARENTLY HE CAME INTO MY JOB TONIGHT ASKING IF I WAS WORKING!!

and then when he found out that i wasn’t, he WENT TO MY SISTER’S JOB to drop off a birthday present and a card for me

genuinely psychotic behavior from christopher

[watermelinoe]

my niece once got upset w my dad bc he wouldn't buy her some overpriced drunk elephant skincare product. she was freaked out about getting wrinkles. at age eight. i wish her mom had never bought her that damn smartphone

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

god fucking damn it

[a-ikuoliver]

LIFE UPDATE FOR U MY LOVES

my partner handed in their 2 week notice to their fuckhead father

they got a permanent contract offer at a new job WITHOUT taking a pay decrease!

the job is 8 hours away lmao so we will be moving again

however!! we're moving in with my sister temporarily so we'll get to see our nephew and her teenagers more often!

[khaoticqueer]

keep thinking about the night of the concert, where some teenager who was talking to me, asked this random guy with a knife on a necklace, "Is that a knife?" and he pulled out the knife very dramatically and they just went "idk what I expected". whatever energy was at the concert is gonna stick with me forever I think

[truelovescamrecovery]

Why Do We Believe Lies?

Why do we believe the lies the narcissist or sociopath tells? Because we're normal. It's normal to believe what people say. It's normal to make sense of things that seem odd.

Why do we believe the lies the narcissist or sociopath tells? Because we’re normal. It’s normal to believe what people say. Here’s the thing, it’s normal to believe other people. believing others is hard-wired into our normal human hearts. We’re born this way. We trust and believe others as such a regular part of life, it’s something we barely notice. Continue reading Why Do We Believe Lies?

[nururu]

american psycho was good btw.......... I enjoyed the movie but didn't rlly care about the point. "Rich wallstreet types can get away with anything and there can be all the proof in the world and it doesn't matter". We get it. Also I've heard ppl say he "didn't kill anyone it was all his imagination" or whatever and.... Idk... I think killing was just the crime they used to represent how atrocious someone can be and still get away with it as long as they're rich&white. I think the fantastical parts were just to exaggerate the point that men like this are like grown toddlers with a lot of power and the world is a playground. And how they avoid actual issues and don't have a high moral standard, but rather a high social standard. Even if they believed Patrick, they'd rather ignore it to save face rather than be associated with a serial killer.

[cultivating-wildflowers]

🌩

[comraderaccoon]

I'm tempted to make a vent side blog, just so I can document the toxicity I'm experiencing from my family.

I don't want to post too much of my hardships on this blog, as this is supposed to be my space away from that.

[hatred-rage-and-repression]

You are all delulu fr

Ableists: "How do narcissists/borderlines live with themselves knowing they're hurting the people around them?"

Also ableists: "How do I manipulate a narcissist/borderline? How do I trigger a crash? How do I deprive a narcissist's supply? Ways to gaslight my borderline/narcissist? How to cause a borderline/narcissist to split?"

[brutal-out-here]

Adding twd 4x8 to my list of things that I know how things go but if I ever rewatch it I still hope it goes differently

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

David Tennant interview at the British LGBT Awards, June 2024 (x)

Int: You being an ally to the community isn't something new. You've been doing it, but recently you've obviously really stepped up for trans and non-binary people in a time that's so, so needed. What made you do that?

David: I don't know that I feel like I've done anything that I wouldn't just sort of be normally doing. I mean, it's for me it's just common sense that there's there should be any suggestion that people aren't allowed to live the life they want to live and and to be who they want to be with and to express themselves wholeheartedly. I mean, as long as you aren't hurting anybody else, everybody else just needs to fucking butt out. I don't really understand why...

Int: ...it's controversial.

David: Yeah, there is and the thing... the thing, if there's something that's particularly sobering and depressing, it's that certain debates are being weaponized by certain elements of the political class, often for no... it seems it's not ideological so much as opportunistic. And I just think that's pretty disgusting, really.

Int: I couldn't agree more. What message would you like to send out to trans youth?

David: Please don't feel like you're not loved and that you're not accepted and that you're not... you know, most people in the world are good and kind and just want you to be able to be who you are. Most people in the world don't really care. I mean... you know what I mean?

Int: We're all narcissistic.

David: Exactly. Everyone's so self obsessed that really, the sort of noise that comes from a certain area of the press and of the political class is... it's a minority. It really is. And please don't let that make you feel diminished or dissuaded or discouraged, because, you know, you just... you have to be allowed to be yourself, and you are, and you are yourself and you must thrive and flourish, and we're all here for it.

Int: Amazing. I think, yeah, it's so important .I think sometimes it feels like there's so many people, but it is a minority. It's such a minority.

David: It's a tiny bunch of little whinging fuckers that are on the wrong side of history and they'll all go away soon.

Int: Like what happened with gay people 20 years ago.

David: When I was a kid, when I was a kid, exactly. You know, I was at school when Clause 28 came in and it all felt like being gay was something to be terrified of. And gay men in particular were demonised as paedophiles and now that just feels historic and ludicrous and, I mean, I don't see all those... all those battles aren't won, but we're in a very, very different place. And I feel like.I feel like history is on a progressive trajectory and it might get knocked sideways now and again by people for all sorts of reasons, which are often quite selfish and quite, as I say, not coming from a place of any sort of genuine belief system, but other than a place of opportunism. And that's something that we... I hope that in 20 years time, we're talking about, you know, these culture wars as something of the past.

Int: I believe we will. I'm a huge Doctor Who fan, so.

David: Oh, good, me too!

Int: You are my Doctor.

David: Oh, thank you very much.

Int: But recently, obviously, you came back for the 60th anniversary and you got to work with Yasmin Finney.

David: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Int: What was it like working with her?

David: Oh, she's brilliant. She's fantastic. Yeah. And she's in the show again now, she's back in it, so that's fantastic to see. She's lovely, talented, cool as a cucumber, articulate, brilliant. I learned a lot from her as an actor and also as someone who, you know, who's become a sort of de facto activist just because of who she is and where she is, and she becomes a sort of symbol of hope, and she's wonderful.