#get over a breakup

[tabileaks]

Navigating Breakups & Setting Relationship Standards: A Healthy Love Guide

[kaahmbem]

legend has it that the young witch circe and the once beautiful nymph scylla shared a complicated past...

[bethanydelleman]

I would pay good money to pluck Darcy and Wentworth out of their respective books and put them in the same room right after being dumped/rejected. Because Wentworth would be on a bender and Darcy would be like, "Maybe you should reflect on yourself" and they'd probably get close to killing each other but end up as best friends.

[spookberry]

"cubs and all" 😭😭😭

[doorstovenus]

doctor who textposts pt4

[shallowseeker]

no hate but it would’ve been way more crunchy if jack accidentally killed claire

[good-to-drive]

How much of Paul’s calcified feelings about the break up have to do with John’s death? Both with regard to their personal relationship and Paul’s public reputation. Then again you’d think maybe he’d have reflected and have some clarity on he and George’s relationship in regards to the break up since they did actually have time to build back their relationship? Just thinking about him saying in the lyrics the break up made him almost believe in original sin. Lol.

Ooh that is such a fascinating question, thank you for sending it to me!!

Also, I have to say how much I love “calcified feelings” as a description of his sentiments around the breakup. Basically a two-word summary of what I was trying to say in this post.

I definitely think you’re onto something there. Given that their time in each other’s lives was so much shorter than it should have been, it must be brutal for Paul to look back at the the years when he and John were at odds and think about the wasted time. There’s also the abandonment trauma he incurred when his mother passed, and how every death since then would have to feel like another abandonment. I don’t think he actually resents John and George for dying, but I’m sure those feelings of anger and rejection are still there, because any time a trauma from childhood is triggered there’s a piece of you that’s just a little kid again. 

And then there’s also his public image. If we look at Get Back in particular, it is pretty interesting just how thin his characterization of John is, especially compared to the relatively complex portrayal of George. He seems a lot more fixated on the residual frustration and confusion he feels about the breakdown in his relationship with George – or, rather, he seems much more willing to show this part of his grief to us – and I do think that’s specifically because of the nature of John’s death and how Paul was treated in the immediate aftermath. Putting the rest under the cut because it’s gotten a bit long. 

To be honest, the first couple times I watched Get Back I almost felt like John had been left out. If you pay close attention, he definitely does have a distinct storyline (focused on Paul, as all their storylines are), but his presence is surprisingly small. I know some of that might have to do with Yoko’s influence – I do wonder if his increasingly serious heroin use was ignored at her request, but who knows – but given that Paul has been pretty happy to endorse Get Back, I think we can also take this as a reflection of what he feels or what he's willing to feel publicly.

Their relationship is basically cast as “We loved each other so, so much, and everyone was so in awe, right up until he pulled away from me.” There’s not much insight or complexity beyond just that. 

That’s not to say that John doesn’t get plenty of screen time – it’s actually a little remarkable how many scenes are composed almost entirely of reaction shots of John and Paul, with an occasional George or Ringo (if you don’t know, a reaction shot is a closeup of someone’s face where we can see their emotion/expression, intended to be taken as their response to what is currently happening in the narrative). 

The scenes are composed such as to imply that John and Paul spent a not inconsiderable amount of time gazing into each other's eyes, smiling and looking utterly enamored, while George watched them gaze at each other with either jealousy or exasperation, depending on your persuasion. (Ringo doesn’t get a lot of attention in Paul’s version of the story, which I think he’s fine with. He’s generally pretty good at flying under the radar.)

Since PJ doesn’t like to provide a lot of context (e.g. a wide shot where we can distinctly see who’s looking at who and with what expressions), we have absolutely no way to know if they were gazing lovingly in each other’s eyes, or smiling in response to a joke, or looking at someone else entirely. And it’s really shady in the reality TV world to build a whole scene out of closeups/reaction shots. Obviously it’s okay to use them here and there, but if it’s starting to take over the whole scene then the scene is probably fabricated. 

Less egregious, but there’s also a lot of overlapped dialogue in GB -- dialogue where you hear a person speaking but you see something or someone else on screen. Again, this is not a bad sign in itself, but if the filmmaker is doing a LOT of it then it’s a sign they’re bringing in dialogue from a different conversation or even a different day to frankenstein (edit together) a scene that never happened. “And then there were two” is a great example of this done convincingly – I think I have a pretty good eye for deceptive editing, and even I thought that one was real. 

None of this is maybe that big of a deal, except that with Get Back, it’s not just scenes that are built out of reaction shots and lapped dialogue but entire plotlines (George/John/Paul triangle) and entire character arcs (George left because he felt cut out of the relationship). You can build just about anything out of contextless scraps of dialogue and meaningful glances, and it won’t look perfect, but it will look pretty much like this. 

To what degree this is a perfect facsimile of how we all build our personal narratives out of scraps of memory, impressions without place or time, and expressions and phrases we lost track of a long time ago is utterly fascinating and I think ultimately impossible to say. We don’t know exactly what our fragmented, emotionally charged recollections mean, but we don’t really need to know to construct a story out of them. Or rather, we need to construct a story whether we know or not.

So this is why I think GB’s portrayal of John is such an important document as an expression of how Paul feels about John now. If it’s not meant to reflect objective reality, then it reflects subjective reality. It reflects John and Paul through the lens of Paul’s recollections, which is also through the lens of everything that has happened to Paul since. 

And he lost John in such a horrific way, with no warning, at a vulnerable point in their relationship when he was probably just starting to feel hopeful again. And then, when he didn’t perform grief correctly, he was punished in a cruel, public way that was almost perfectly designed to cut him to the bone. I get why he now prunes and curates his feelings around John and makes sure to show us something we’d like to see. People joke that he's always bringing John up in conversation, always smiling sadly, always gently touching pictures of his face -- I'm not saying any of that is insincere, I'm just saying it's also not entirely optional.

On a similar note, I’m not sure his recollections of George are quite accurate either. There are a lot of reasons George might have had a sour expression in Jan 1969 -- people often point to the breakdown of his marriage to Pattie, and I’m sure that weighed on him heavily (even if he brought it on himself), but there’s also just the general misery of being in a toxic workplace environment for ten years with steadily diminishing returns. 

This is the downside to all those “Paul is such a tragic figure, I love how bravely sad he is, etc etc” posts. Being a tragic figure means being a proxy by which we can engage with our own grief, in this case grief for John's death, the Beatles breakup, and the end of the hope and change of the 1960s. If he doesn't perform as a tragic figure – if he seems conflicted or bitter or even just over it – he'll be punished by the same people who love and adore his beautiful  martyrdom.

His relationship with John is cast far more simply because the way John died, and the role he's played ever since, means he's not really allowed to explore the complexities of his relationship with John, at least not publicly.

I don’t think it’s a shock to most people that his self-esteem and sense of normalcy were pretty much shredded by the time he left the beatles. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just kinda what happens when you get caught up in the machinery of a system built to satisfy two people with serious, untreated childhood trauma (and, most likely, untreated personality disorders). So it probably shouldn’t be surprising that he didn’t always enjoy being in that situation. 

There’s also potentially his mother’s health. Louise died of cancer 18 months after Get Back was filmed, and while the family seems to have rightfully kept the details of her illness private, it’s very possible she was already showing signs of poor health in Jan 69.

Watching Get Back, though, you would attribute it entirely to repressed anger about the closeness of John and Paul’s connection. Which I think speaks to just how heavily this connection dominates Paul’s recollections, including his recollections of George. (It’s convenient, too, that it dominates the average viewer’s perspective on George – another reason Paul was a perfect entrypoint for this story). 

Details about George’s personal life are no longer relevant to Paul’s story, but the way he was sidelined by John and Paul’s special, deep, powerful, historically important friendship – and whether or not he punished Paul for this – is I think still intensely relevant in Paul’s mind. 

A lot of us know from experience that you can grow up in a completely different home than your siblings, and while the beatles weren’t children and their work environment didn’t represent their home, their experiences of that environment had vanishingly little in common. And that always creates distance. They were all working from incompatible narratives about what had happened to them, Paul and George in particular.

People in Paul’s position often feel like a martyr and see everyone else as ungrateful, while those around them remember them as egotistical, unreachable, and degrading. No one is wrong for how they feel, it’s just that these narratives are incompatible. We build certain stories in order to survive our experiences, and then we carry them for a very long time, usually years or decades after they’ve stopped being helpful. It’s probably not a coincidence that the person who remembers this time the least (Ringo) was the most readily forgiven; he didn't have a competing narrative. 

I get why Paul would still be confused and angry that George never seemed to understand the reality of their situation (because, of course, the reality of George’s situation had been very different). Now that George is dead, there’s no chance to go back and answer those questions, except by answering them himself. Which I think is what he’s trying to do here, in one way or another, using the pieces that have remained clearest and most important to him.

I guess in a way that’s the power of this kind of narrative form. Paul has given himself – and us – a thread we can hold onto. It’s up to us whether or not we want it.

[mercylie]

xana — confidential music video.

you know how i like all my women unattainable and forbidden i know better yet i still give in

do not repost/reuse gifs or claim as your own.

[wield-the-mighty-pen]

I’m so happy to see Adrinette being cute 🥰

…but at the same time I feel weirdly uneasy…I cannot tell if this is fan service or some twisted foreshadowing

Help. I’m scared…

[bloomsberries]

[cryiling]

thinking about that bkdk edating in middle school trope, except they're amino boyfriends 💀

they meet on an all might amino community. katsuki is one of the community mods, and izuku is the leader of an analysis club on there. izuku's posts were often featured and very popular in the community (he was def a microcelebrity), and katsuki always gave him a ton of amino coins on his posts.

for a challenge he's hosting for his club, izuku makes a huge deep-dive post analyzing all might's rise to fame in his bronze age. this post gets close to 10k likes, and katsuki gifts him 5k amino coins on the post. when izuku sees that number, he freaks out and assumes it must be a mistake since that's a huge number, who in their right mind would give him that much money??

he messages katsuki (who's username is 𝓓𝔂𝓷𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 ⛓️💥) (LMAOOOOO) and asks if the amount of coins was a mistake + offers to give them back. katsuki tells him that there was no mistake, and that he just really liked izuku's post. izuku is really flattered that this guy liked his analysis so much, and they continue texting back and forth for a while.

they follow each other and put each other in their bios under "bffs," and a month or two after that, they officially become boyfriends. izuku buys amino+ using all the coins katsuki had given him (katsuki keeps spending his allowance to buy more amino coins so he's super rich). they start matching profile themes after that, switching to a new theme every month. they have matching profile frames and chat bubbles and everything, and izuku makes a sticker pack of all might faces to use when texting katsuki (sometimes katsuki uses the stickers too, but only when texting izuku)

everyone on all might amino knows they're dating, since they're both such high-profile people in the community. they become the community's it-couple, and people love commenting on their walls how cute their matching profiles are. katsuki comments under all of izuku's posts praising his analysis, and izuku always replies with a string of all might heart-eye stickers.

6 months into their relationship, izuku tells katsuki he can call him by his real name. up until now, izuku had gone by the nickname "golden" in honor of all might's golden age. when izuku tells katsuki his name, though, he doesn't get a response. the next day, izuku wakes up to find that katsuki's profile has been deleted entirely.

izuku feels like throwing up. he doesn't know what happened to dynamight, if he caused this, what could have caused this. he debates deleting his account too, ashamed and confused and hurt, but ultimately decides against it. he changes his profile theme back to an aesthetic picture set of all might in his iconic golden age pose, and continues posting on all might amino as if nothing happened. he doesn't reach out to new people on amino again.

when izuku gets into ua and his workload drastically increases, he stops finding time to post on amino, eventually deleting the app entirely (his profile stays up, though).

in second year, izuku is sitting in the common room with his friends, somehow having been roped into a conversation about dating. "you've never been in a relationship before, have you, deku-kun?" uraraka asks him.

his friends' eyes all focus on him, and he blushes. "well, i had an online boyfriend in middle school, but i'm not sure if that counts." his friends gape at him, clearly surprised. some other people lingering about in the common area also tune into the conversation. katsuki is one of them.

"really, midoriya-kun?" iida says, doing his best to hide his blatant shock. "i must say, that sounds rather out of character for you!"

"did you guys break up or something?" todoroki asks.

izuku grimaces, remembering what happened. "i told him my real name, and then he deleted his account. i think it was because of my name, but I guess i don't know for sure."

uraraka frowns. "that sucks! he didn't deserve you anyway. what an asshole move." the rest of izuku's friends nod in agreement at that. out of the corner of his eye, izuku sees katsuki get up from his armchair and storm out of the room.

months later, izuku and katsuki finally start dating for real. izuku is so overwhelmed with happiness, and katsuki's eyes light up every time he sees izuku. one night, though, katsuki pulls him aside. "there's something i need to tell you."

izuku frowns in confusion. "what's up?"

katsuki takes a deep breath. "...i'm dynamight."

this does not clear izuku's confusion. "um... yeah, i know what your hero name is."

"no, it's-" katsuki cuts himself off, then starts again. "i was dynamight on amino, too."

izuku feels his heart drop. he's not sure what katsuki is saying, why he's bringing it up. "you... we were... you mean we dated back in middle school?"

katsuki nods, eyes on the floor. he doesn't say anything else.

"why did you..." izuku licks his lips in apprehension. "why did you delete your account?"

katsuki is silent for a moment. "i freaked out when i found out who you were," he finally says. "i mean, you know how i was treating you in real life back then. and we had been texting all that time, and i had been comforting you from the bullying you were going through, only to realize it was me who was- i didn't... i didn't know what to say. and obviously i was really immature at the time and wasn't ready to process my feelings yet. but that whole thing helped me realize my feelings for you, even though i didn't want to accept that at the time.

"but," katsuki continues, clearly on a roll now, "that still doesn't excuse what i did. it was a shitty move. and i know i've apologized for how i bullied you before, but i'm sorry for this, too, izuku. i know i hurt your feelings. i swear i'll be a better boyfriend this time, i promise. uh- only if... if you still want to be together."

izuku can't even think of what to say for a moment, still silently reeling at katsuki's confession. eventually he says, "no, i- i get it. we were both pretty immature at the time, and to be honest i kind of got over it a while ago. but," he smiles, "that apology really means a lot to me. and of course i still want to be with you."

he leans in to kiss katsuki briefly. izuku doesn't think he'll ever get used to that.

katsuki rests his forehead against izuku's, eyes taking in izuku's face. "i swear i'll be an even better boyfriend than dynamight was, golden."

and then they lived happily ever after :>

[deoidesign]

Random update sorry everything is taking so long. I've paused Patreon and I'm working on various things, but some people have started to express concern for my safety/living status so just letting you know I am alive!

[saetiate]

babyyy i love love him so pretty

[always-and-evermore]

I think I’m finally done torturing myself over someone who doesn’t have any care or regard for me anymore.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

{ @qin-qin16, @averageimp. The post I was talking about. }

Had a random thought while scrolling through the arcane tag but the way some caitvi shippers hate on Maddie for “getting in the way of caitvi” instead of also hating Caitlyn (both cait and Maddie, but I feel there’s a lot better reasons to dislike Maddie outside of “ruining” a relationship that was hardly even a relationship like Cait wasn’t equally as willing and responsible—such as ya know, being an indoctrinated seemingly sadistic spy helping a military force invade and conquer another nation) for—

not only choosing to sleep with and share her bed with another woman while the one who she supposedly “loves” is being beaten in a pit for money and drinking herself half to death,

But also using her power and authority and money and position to oppress and abuse the people of Zaun instead of helping them or even using all those resources to look for Vi and apologize or some shit,

Also abusing her power over Maddie. Maddie introduced herself to Vi as a “junior officer.”

Caitlyn is a Commander/Sheriff. She is Maddie’s commander. She is Maddie’s superior. Now I don’t know if the Enforcers would be considered more like the police force or the military, maybe both, but I think this could be considered Fraternization and an abuse of her power.

Now we all know that it turns out Maddie is a Noxus spy and her superior is actually Ambessa, but Caitlyn doesn’t know this. She believes she has power, authority, and rank over Maddie. She believes Maddie is her subordinate.

Caitlyn abuses her power and authority in more ways than one, and if Maddie weren’t a Noxus spy and Ambessa wasn’t buddy buddy with Caitlyn, Caitlyn could’ve very well ruined Maddie’s life and career if she so chose to do so on a whim,

Not to mention: Maddie’s whole spy gig wouldn’t have worked at all if Caitlyn weren’t so eager to abuse her authority and sleep with her subordinates.

Between Maddie and Vi, maybe Cait has a thing for women who are of less power and privilege than her—or at least women she views that way. Or maybe she just truly is that blind and ignorant of the power and privilege she has, or perhaps she just doesn’t care.

Regardless, it’s a little strange. Caitlyn is a full grown woman who has enough power to declare martial law and a warlord of another nation and her forces behind her. Maddie is a junior officer, who Cait does not know is actually a spy.

She is perfectly okay with the knowledge of this, and felt it was perfectly okay to allow a relationship with someone below her in rank and status and authority.

This sets up an inherent power dynamic where, in a more realistic world or if the writers had acknowledged this/Maddie hadn’t been a spy, she very well could’ve been at a risk of being fired or discharged from her job if she ever decided she didn’t want to sleep with her Boss anymore; even if the reason is as simple as Cait doesn’t want to take the risk of Maddie telling anyone and getting her in trouble.

Or, considering the fact that Cait had the power to declare martial law and is basically a dictator, could potentially have Maddie executed and claim it was for reasons such as “treason” or “being a traitor,” regardless of if it’s actually true or not in this scenario. Because Cait has so much power that her word is basically law, especially when compared to Maddie’s.

All in all, Maddie only “got in the way of caitvi” because Cait allowed her to and actively refused to use her massive manpower and resources to go look for Vi and make things up with her for months on end—instead wasting that time oppressing the lower class, hunting down and obsessing over Jinx, training with Ambessa, and using her subordinate’s body for her own gain while also acting cold and dismissive towards her once she got what she wanted for the day.

[mamawasatesttube]

nobody even gets koncassie like they exist in my rich inner world. theyre gay/lesbian solidarity. when they dated they just didn't know that. it was never romantic. but they still felt like a kind of haven to each other - they were safe for each other. kon, with all the trauma of being groomed twice over, felt safe with cassie, his friend, his peer, his equal. cassie, under all the pressure of public scrutiny and constantly feeling like she failed to measure up to the wonder girl legacy, was safe with someone who saw her trying to force herself to present super feminine and conform and told her no, you don't need to do that. not for me. i've always thought you're beautiful. like. in a world where they were both in the public eye and crumbling under the pressure, they were each other's sanctuary. like, even if they didn't understand that they weren't actually into each other, the love was so real. do you guys even get it????