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trashlie · 2 years ago

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ILY FP 232

Better known as: trashlie is STILL climbing the wallls and TAKING YOU WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look idk what I can get away saying in these intros without being spoilery anymore because by the time I sit down to write this I’m just VIBRATING AWAY on pure energy. You know when you feel words at your fingertips but you are too consumed by other menial tasks you’ve no interest in doing so you gotta bide your time and it just grows and grows and grows until it bursts out of you howling?

Yeh.......

Let’s jump right in!!!!!!!!!!

I’m gonna be real with you guys - it’s gonna take a LOT for me to not to do rambling long repeats of things I said last week. I’m gonna do my best but... 232 is very much a continuation of 231 so it is what it is!

Leading up to the episode my friends and I were talking and the general consensus was we hoped Shinae would try knocking down Nol’s door but alkjjjkafjkafkj DIDN’T EXPECT SHE WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO TRY TO BULLDOZE THE DOOR ON HER OWN AND START SHOUTING AT HIM THROUGH THE DOOR LMAO but listen Shinae so very PERSISTENT!!!!! She’s so over being thrown out, SO over being shut out, and it’s all right there in front of her but she just CANNOT see it for what it is, cannot understand what is compelling her besides that she cares.

And boy does she care.

Her frustration is, as I said last week, completely justified, of course, but in this case, they’re both justified and that really does her no favors, does it? Yelling and banging on his door, trying any tactic she can to get him to open up, to rethink his decision to cast her out. He has basically told her “come back when you figure it out” but she doesn’t know what “it” is or what else could be there, so she can only feel like he’s shutting her out once again, refusing to open up to her after just reconciling.

At the core of Shinae’s frustration and persistence is fear. She’s so afraid of losing him again, terrified of yet another important person letting go and turning their back to her.

And as much as I feel for Shinae, I also can’t help but feel for Nol who is on the other side of the door, unable to make himself walk away from it, arms pinned at his side against the door as though he doesn’t trust them to not reach for the door handle, doesn’t trust himself to maintain the boundary. He’s kicked her out - but barely. He can’t leave the side of that door while Shinae stands right outside of it, banging away. GOD I enjoy the agony of it, I NEED MORE. Shinae’s threats are so comical but she’s literally grasping at straws and he knows it. The same Nol who broke that day in the rain is barely holding it together, knowing that once again he is causing her pain.

As readers we know that once she figures it out, she’ll understand. As soon as Shinae understands what Nol is trying to get her to see, she’ll know exactly why he had to draw that boundary and keep the space, but in this moment she doesn’t know any of this, and it is just so agonizing!

Just as she’s been confessing all day long, she continues to tell him all the things she can’t see for what they are - how much she hates when he shuts her out, how she can’t understand why they’re back here when they just go out of this and GOD i love it because you can FEEL how much she cares. Even if she doesn’t know what the feeling is, even if she can’t call it what it is, she cares so much! And you can see how much it hurts him! How difficult it is to stand there and let her think he’s casting her to the streets again, to have her fight so passionately for him for them when he understands now what kind of hurt he’s inflicted (and continues to inflict!!!!!!!) GOD

Nol understands so well his resistance - his resolve - and knows he has to keep that physical barrier between them. Even before he could barely look at her when he did, when she flustered under his gaze and command, he threw her out before he could crumble all the way and there’s something about seeing it illustrated this way, showing us rather than telling, how hard this is for him. I’m sure his thought is that once Shinae figures it out - once she knows her feelings, once she can understand his feelings, once she can see what Dieter saw that hurt him so much, she’ll be the one to draw the boundary he struggles so hard with. That once he’s not the only one who knows, she can stop pushing him, can stop breaking him down, can act on the effort he can barely muster.

I love that panel of Shinae banging on the door while he stands on the other side, face screwed up in frustration and agony. It’s so difficult, it’s SO HARD. She’s going on about being shut out, about how “ a misunderstanding” has come between them. She’s so scared their relationship doesn’t mean to him what it means to her, so scared that he’s content to throw it all away, so scared that she will lose him once and for all - and he has to stand and bear it, knowing he’s causing her to feel these things, knowing there’s no easy way out.

UUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH SCREAMS

It’s the sheer irony! That the thing he wants her to comprehend is the VERY THING she’s yelling at him about, it’s the very thing compelling her.

Well. That and her sleep deprivation LMAO

I never shut up about noticing when characters have their eyes closed, but it’s such an important part of quimchee’s subtle storytelling. Note how Nol’s face is still screwed up in frustration when he tells her to go away, followed by telling her she’s so damn annoying.

I’ve already seen that there are people reading that at face value but over here round these parts, we know better. Nol’s eyes closed as he tells her to go away, while he stands with his door still pressed against the door.

He so easily could have walked away, gone back to his bed across the room. Instead he stands there, torturing himself as he listens to her yell at him from the other side of the door. Nol tells her to go away because he needs her to go away, for his peace of mind, for his crumbling resolve, but on some level, of course he doesn’t want her to. Of course sending her away, pushing her away, walking away from her is difficult, is something he forces himself to do, that is so incredibly difficult for him.

Let’s not forget him at the curb retching after hurting Shinae in all the worst ways and then walking away and leaving her in the freezing rain.

Quimchee literally doesn’t need to spell it out because it’s all right there for us to see. It’s in his closed eyes, in his back against the door he can’t pull himself away from, in his frustration, in his crumbling resolve, in his sheer agony.

Let’s also not forget how this all started. It wasn’t even initially about Dieter - it was about Nol hiding himself away, about him refusing to show the parts of him that she really wants to see, about how it hurts her that he can’t open up. At the heart of this lmao it’s literally about how Shinae just wants to LOVE him and he wants her to understand tHAT SHE DOES.

SCREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love this episode it’s so good it’s got me chewing through my freaking keyboard trying to write this AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LKAJFKJFAKJAFJKAFJKAFJKAFJKAFJ

But, of course, the important take away is that Shinae cannot see the forest for the trees. She’s so caught up in her own intense feelings, lost in her fear and what she wants so badly and she only knows how to fight. Shinae is a bit of a short fuse but it’s even worse because of the harrowing 24 hours she’s been through. To think so many episodes ago she was moving back in to her home with Simhan! It feels so far away after everything that’s transpired! She hasn’t slept, we know she hasn’t really eaten in hours, she’s already in a foul mood after how her dance with Nol soured and how upset she got about what he hides from her. There’s now way for her to be rational - trying to literally kick in his door lmao - or think things through because her despair and frustration is so all-consuming it just clouds her judgement.

There’s something so funny about how Nana takes her away and suddenly settled down, Shinae just goes full sulking lmao. I love how impetuously teenager it is, too, for Nana to tell Shinae that she does, in fact, need to leave, that is isn’t actually the big deal she thinks it is but Shinae is like blah blah OLD PEOPLE WISDOM IS NOT NEEDED HERE alkjfakfjkafjfa lmao

It must be so funny to Nana, that this little spitfire girl is fighting like hell for him, fighting so hard to not be cast out, and can’t understand WHY she’s fighting, what any of it means lmao like aflkjafjkafjkafj

Of course Nana knows. Anyone would be able to tell! From how awkward they were around each other in the room, how sulky Nol was fiddling with her headband (AND THE BLUSHING), the whole argument they’ve had about Dieter - who Nana knows!!!!!!!! Had a crush on her!!!!!!!! Of course she with her decades of life can see exactly what Shinae is fighting.

Taking her away from Nol is important. I LOVE this exchange they have: Nana: You’d need the right key to get that door open. Shinae: And? A key isn’t necessary when you use enough force! Nana: But you could damage the door. And nobody likes an intruder. Breaking doors could get yourself kicked out and never be able to come back. Both literally and figuratively. You wouldn’t want that now would ya?

I’m sure Nana must speak from some kind of experience. Thinking about how she took him in when he left the psychiatric ward where it seems like he was traumatized, from where he still carries so many unhealed wounds and scars, after losing his mother and being left all alone in a foreign country with no family, made to believe he’s some kind of monster like the loss of his mom was his fault, that he deserved everything that came to him. The special name his mom had given him had been worn down and destroyed, tainted and made to mean nothing. He comes home and he doesn’t even go back to his father, to their family, but someone he’s told is his grandma. How can he trust her? His own father doesn’t want him, he’s been sent to live with some stranger, away from his father’s family. An outcast, an outsider, all alone.

She probably tried so hard to get through to him. How do you reach someone like him? How do you get through to someone who keeps everyone at arms’ length, who is so full of fear and self-loathing, who has been made to feel so insignificant, so worthless, a mistake, a monster. We still don’t even know just how bad it was locked inside there. His fear of Yui, his aversion to medication and hospitals, how much he detests tea, his touch aversion. How much of what he believes about himself - that he caused his mother’s death, that he deserves all the bad, that he will only bring harm to those he loves, that his existence is a mistake - came from there? GOD it hurts lmao lajfjkfjkafjk LIKE just writing this makes me want to howl. This is such a foundational aspect of who Nol is. He’s not just some melodramatic teenager (which even isn’t a bad thing) but he has spent a significant portion of his memorable life in survival mood, just fighting to stay afloat, fighting all of the demons who hold him down.

Nana loves him so much, that much is so clear. And she knows him so well. She knows what he needs is time, she knows how stubborn and obstinate he is, and she probably knows all too well how he shuts others out and how, much like quicksand, the harder you fight and struggle, the worse it will be. Her line about breaking doors can get you kicked out is so loaded. Did she try to break his doors, too? Did she try so hard to reach someone who wanted to be so unreachable and found herself on the other side of a door, too? aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

Just thinking about he was just this scared kid so alone and she believes her daughter took her own life and she didn’t see it coming, didn’t imagine her the person who would do it and it reminded her that you never really know, do you? He was this kid so closed off, so alone, who hid so much, and we’ve seen her reach out to him over and over, encourage him to spend time with people who care about him. I’m sure a part of her worries, fears, that maybe he’d go the same path as his mom. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how he told Dieter he “tried to visit his mom”. That HAUNTS me and I bet it’s something that haunts her, too.

(Alternatively, if he came out with his Yeonggi mask, ready to fake his way through, ready to force a smile a joke a laugh to pretend everything is fine when under the surface she can see it’s not. Remembering how he met Dieter, I think the Yeonggi persona was a thing that grew the more he tried it on, but whether or not she met him as this scared lonely kid or this kid with a fake mask on, we just know she’s been THROUGH it trying to reach him with everything she’s got ;____________;)

Getting to see so much into their relationship makes me feel SO FUCKING FERAL. Knowing that yes, Nol DID talk about Shinae to her, that contrary to what we’ve seen through much of this series, Nol didn’t always close himself away in his room locked up with his thoughts and self-loathing. That he would go home and talk to Nana about people who piqued his interest, tell her about his hare-brained attempts to befriend them, about the struggles he faced in getting through to them. Did she see the fond irony - that someone who once was so hard for her to reach to get through found someone who was just as difficult to get through to and one day he went from talking about how difficult she was to talking about her as his friend? GOD it gets to meeeeeeeeeee. She must’ve seen the shift, too - when she went from being the subject of his attempt to help out Dieter to being his friend, to mattering to him.

I’M IN AGONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I wish we could see a little bit of that, of the Nol he was so briefly before he had to put the walls back up, before the self-loathing fully consumed him again, before all the tendrils of shadow wrapped themselves around him and began to drag him back out of the light again. But fortunately what we DO get comes close. That moment earlier when he told Nana about how he’d already seen his friends, how they all came to celebrate his birthday can you believe it? GOD MY HEART ACHES.

I suspect we’ll probably be seeing more of them because clearly someone needs to talk with him - someone rational and removed from the situation, someone who can try to make him see that he cannot help his feelings, that he cannot control all situations, and is any of this really your fault? Is it his fault at all that Shinae didn’t like Dieter enough that way, that it didn’t happen over time? Is it his fault if she instead saw something in him that she flocked to, if there existed something between them that she wants to fight so hard for? AAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Both Nol and Shinae are so stubborn so OBSTINATE and they’re both STRUGGLING so of course it was wise of Nana to take Shinae away, even if she had to trick her lmao. Shinae at Nol’s door only makes it worse, could, as she said, push him to lock her out for real. Nana knows that Shinae hasn’t been cast out, she knows what the problem is, but of course why would Shinae believe her? lol It’s that obstinate teenager thing that makes me laugh so much now that I’m well passed that stage - so certain that no one could possibly understand what you’re feeling, that they couldn’t possibly understand what is wrong lmao

Honestly, Nana and Shinae are nothing like I expected them to be, and I really love that. Nana barely even knows her, but she does know how to poke and wheedle her. Everything feels so poised to help Shinae zero in on the reason behind her frustration.

I really love that she revealed to Shinae that Nol has told her about her, that she has, from the sidelines through a biased lens, watched their relationship grow - and as a result, saw the effect she had on him, what their friendship did t and for him. Even though Nol has told Shinae she’s special, because he’s so hot and cold, because he doesn’t open up, because she doesn’t get to see him, it’s hard for her to really internalize that it’s true. How can it be when he’s so willing to throw away all of this, right? So for Nana to reveal that she knows all about how closed off Shinae used to be but that changed didn’t it is such a MOMENT for her. She doesn’t look like she can believe it - Nol talked about her? About how she fought him and ran away?

More importantly, Nana is trying to give Shinae a little nudge that she can’t yet see. She tells Shinae she’s not trying to make her feel bad about turning down Dieter, but to lay out their foundation: that originally Nol was trying to play Cupid, but the arrows got all messed up. I think it’s one of those things that while right now Shinae thinks it’s just people trying to make her feel guilty, soon she’ll see for what it was - the problem lies in their foundation, the reason Dieter is hurt is because of the way it all went wrong. Soon, Shinae is going to be holding her head in her hands yelling about how did she not see it how was she so blind THAT’S what they meant this is what they all meant?! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I find it really cute that Nana is using the same technique as Nol, trying to get Shinae to think about her feelings. Why do you feel terrible? What did you actually do wrong? How does it make you feel bad? And then LMAO baiting Shinae with a hint about the problem in an disguised effort to kick her out LMAOOOOOOO to be fair, she DOES give Shinae the hint, just..... not the way she wants LMAO

The way Nana gets Shinae reminiscing, thinking back on how their friendship began, how they ended up at this point, just what is so significant about those oranges - the things Shinae doesn’t say about how they symbolize the change from him being this annoying guy that she wanted nothing to do with to this person she CANNOT let go of that she CANNOT lose GOD. That’s SO good. She talks about how she’s so bad at talking about her feelings and opening up and that she’s trying to be better at it - but she also cannot stop talking about Nol lmao

She’s moody about all the things she doesn’t know about him yet. What his real name is, why she’s not allowed to use, how Nana gets to do it why can’t she? Does he hate his name, where did the Yeonggi moniker come from?

“I wanna know where he got it from... There’s so many things I wanna know about him...”

I JUST WANNA GRAB HER BY THE SHOULDERS AND RATTLE HER AROUND lajkfkfjfkafkjafj I love it, okay? it’s one of those tell tale signs - when you grow interested in a person, when you start to like them and you have that insatiable hunger to know them so intimately to know every detail about them you want to know everything about them you want to discover them from inside out. And for her it’s doubly worse since he DOESN’T show her what she wants to see. She’s out here craving to understand him so intimately and can’t understand why he can’t show her that. Why can’t he be vulnerable why can’t he open up?

She is SO HEAD OVER HEELS she is soooooooo full of feelings she wants to know everything he’s hidden GOD!!!!!!!!

HOW ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO DON’T SEE IT? HOW ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO DON’T GET ANY OF THIS?!

She THINKS there’s nothing going on between them but she’s sulking to his grandma, she’s upset because he won’t show her himself because she wanted to see his face because they shared this intimate tender moment because it was such a SOFT warm HAPPY moment for her and they couldn’t share it because they weren’t on the same level

She is MOPING she really thinks he’s casting her out and she’s terrified of losing all of that.

Shinae over here saying that of course all her relationships with her friends are going to be different but she can’t see why this one, in particular, is so dire, doesn’t understand what the everything she thinks he’s throwing away signifies.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really look forward to learning more about Yeonggi, because I’ve been really curious about that, too. Was it a name he’d just picked out, what was the significance? I look forward to Nol telling her about it, too; Nana has told her all she knows and anyway it’s better to let Nol do it. It’s better for Nol to know all of this, to hear all the things Shinae wants to know, how she’s so insatiably hungry to know everything about him, how she just wants to know him - everything there is to him the good the ugly the things he hasn’t shown anyone else ;A; aaaahhhhhhhhhh

Nana is really the PERFECT character to REALLY bring in for this arc. She goes head to head with Shinae lmao and dances circles around her. The whole distracting her as she evacuates her from the building while getting her to dwell on her feelings? PERFECTLY executed. Telling her the hint she’s looking for is that SHE is one of the problems LMAO aklfkafkjafjfjf What’s she supposed to do with that information?!

Of course, like I said earlier, like Nana is telling her, some down time WILL do wonders. Right now her head is so full of intensity, but when she steps away, when she’s mulling and dwelling and sleeps and assuages her crankiness when her brain can go back to functioning well, THEN she’ll be able to think about it, THEN she’ll be able to figure out what the key is. But right now she’s just making things worse - for him, for herself, and for their problem.

Sleep deprivation really messes with you lol especially when she’s spent the most harrowing night of her life. Can you believe that this probably beats out THE KIM FORMAL because this time she NEARLY WATCHED HER BEST FRIEND DIE OUT IN FRONT OF HER?! Christ!!!!!!!!!

And besides Shinae, Nana, and Nol, this episode feels like it’s nudging a couple other things. The pointed emphasis on the hospital departments and floor board feels like a nod that Hansuke will be bringing Kousuke here for his CT scan. On the one hand, I’m really excited to see more about Kousuke and what Hansuke is thinking. I’m no doctor but I assume a CT scan might be able to indicate some kind of drugging just because how it would affect the brain, right? A brain on a particular medication would look a certain way? Forgive me, science was never my strong suit and I don’t know the difference between a CT and other scans lmao but I imagine if it’s the kind of imaging that can indicate neurons firing and active parts of the brain, maybe it would tell them enough that they should try more labwork? Especially now that Hansuke knows about the hormone imbalance and has picked up on Kousuke’s fixation with tea and it being one of the only things he can remember (that he’s admitted).

But on the other hand..... Nol has SO much going on, is he ready to face Kousuke again? Like, don’t get me wrong, I want to see more of them, especially knowing how worried Kousuke is about him, that he hasn’t forgotten what happened last night or that he caused it. But with everything Nol is dealing with - the aftermath of it all, feeling like an asshole for hurting Dieter, Shinae, all of this, is he ready to see Kousuke again? I guess part of me worries that Kousuke is... yknow. More fragile and that if he fights with Nol, it might affect the progress he made? Or maybe now that they had that er... “heart to heart” now that he confessed those sins his fears he would be able to hear Nol out without deflecting?

I just know if Kousuke ends up at the same hospital and he spots anyone from Nol’s circle he’ll try to find him lol he IS worried (and worried for HIM not based on Rand or punishment or any of that). He’s got no idea how Nol is, where he is, what happened, how bad it is. GOD. HARROWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone is going to be SO HAUNTED by this night.

The other matter is, of course, the custodian taking out the trash when Nana tells them they should go somewhere private, she doesn’t want “him” eavesdropping on the conversation. Initially I’d assumed this is because ultimately she is trying to get Shinae the heck out of there and it’s her excuse to get him out, but it could easily have been written “So no one can eavesdrop” right?

The theory is that this is one of the people that Yui probably pays to act as a spy for her so that she can keep track of people and always knows what they’re doing, so she can always be two steps ahead. The only thing that really gives me pause regarding this, though, is that she has no idea where Nol is (yet). She has no idea where Rand took him, and I can’t imagine she employs people in hospitals all over the city should anyone report anything suspicious to her. So how would this be one of her spies?

I’m not saying it’s not possible at all because he WAS very emphasized, but it just leaves me wondering if Yui doesn’t know where they are, how could that be a spy, right? But look, sometimes the narrative pulls a fast one on us. We can’t see what she’s up to at all times, now can we?

All in all, I really loved this episode and I’ve been loving this arc SO MUCH. All of this everything since the Christmas party has been SO GOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!! Seeing all of those plot lines really converge and the stakes go higher has made every episode a treat to read, but I love that in the midst of this, Shinae and Nol have this very big, important thing to clear up. Over the course 230 episodes we’ve been watching these two grow so important to each other and honestly, I love watching Shinae fight for him like this, even if lmao she’s going at it all the wrong way. For someone like Nol who is so used to being invisible, to have her putting up such a fight, confirming whatever feelings he can’t be sure if she actually feels, would be such a welcome thing - except for the reminder that Dieter has been hurt in the cross-fires. I really want to see Nana have a talk with him and maybe TRY to get him to see it, that you cannot control feelings, that acting on them isn’t bad. That Dieter WILL come around, that he isn’t really much of a friend if he puts his own wants and happiness above Nol’s.

But of course, Nana alone won’t do. Nol REALLY needs to talk to Dieter, too. But unlike Shinae, Dieter seems to know he needs to be alone for a little while. He’s got to sort out his own feeling and untangle that hurt. Thinking about things from his perspective IS painful - Yeonggi cut them out, he blocked their numbers, he refused to see them, and then suddenly he shows back up after asking to be left alone, he almost DIES in front of them, and Dieter wakes up to witness Nol and Shinae having this moment.

He’s got a lot of things to sort out, too, he needs sleep and room to think.

I’m really interested to see how all of it plays out. For Dieter’s sake, I hope there’s some kind of explanation because unlike Shinae, he and Soushi are still in the dark. Why did Nol leave and come back? Why did he box them out? He showed so much affection when he hugged them and told them he loves them so I’m sure they know that he has his reasons but still, people have limits. They deserve to know what Shinae does. I she willing to have that talk, though?

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I imagine we’ll probably be veering back to Kousuke here shortly, if not the next espisode. I imagine Shinae may get picked up before that.... ? Maybe? It feels like we were JUST with Kousuke, but I don’t think we’ll be revisiting Yui JUST yet. Maybe we’ll see Shinae get home, let her thoughts pull her to sleep, and then go visit Kousuke and Hanske? IDK god knows I can never predict what’s coming next but no matter which direction we go, we don’t go wrong!

It’s so funny that the fabled Minhyuk party was something that I thought would happen and then we’d slide slowly into a timelapse taking us through the first time jump to graduation and stuff but SURPRISE: NOL ALMOST DIED, KOUSUKE IS UNDERGOING HELL, NOL’S FREEDOM HAS BEEN EXTENDED, CHRISTMAS IS COMING UP!!!!!!!!! We have literal DAYS left until Nol goes away, and then do we even immediately go into our timelapse timeskip?! Quimchee talked so much about how she didn’t want to have to draw snow, so at least so much of this takes place indoors but LMAO it’s still kinda funny

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love this webtoon so much I love this story so much I love this whole arc honestly it’s been hit after hit for me and I’m so glad I get to keep screaming about it every week at all of you and just scale walls and swing from rafters I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY Spoilers #ILY FP #Stalkyoo #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Nana Lochlain #lmaoooo #Eleanor Lochlain #Kousuke Hirahara #i'm still chewing through the cables yelling about my feelings AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also while writing this i had SVT - Home TXT - Ghosting MX - Blame Me and #Shownu and Minhyuk's Have a Goodnight on repeat and BOY did they give me the feels wow wow wow #love to just inject more feelings into favorite songs aljfakjfjkafjafjafjkaf #I'm really looking forward to seeing Nol and Nana talk - partly because I just KNOW he's gonna be SO pathetic and I'm gonna eat that UP #partly because I think Nana can get through to him to some degree #if only it's to point out that Shinae clearly cares SO MUCH and he needs to be careful not to push her away lest he be left with only their #memories #also thinking about how nana and hol's relationship must've started out put me SO DEEP IN THE EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS

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100493503004422 · 5 months ago

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there's such a huge chance that I get kicked out of my apartment due to water damage once this leak saga is over. an entire walll is dripping and the water is coming out several feet into my apartment in multiple different places. if the ceiling doesn't collapse it's gonna be so damaged they'll have to cut it out. like there's no way my apartment and I make it out of this

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barbwillbrb · 6 months ago

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Shoot Me (my BG3 faves)

BG3 characters I find unreasonably attractive in order of most believable to least believable (in my humble opinion because I am drunk af and recognize my own hubris):

Yurgir (big devil with cool voice make brain go brr) GIVE ME TWENTY MINUTES IN THE HOUSE OF HOPE AND ONE OF US IS COMING OUT PREGGERS AND IT AIN'T ME BITCH

Ketheric Thorm (old dude with cool voice and weird powers who sacrifices everything for family makes brain go brr and/or makes me cry). If no one got me Ketheric got me.

Auntie Ethel (I am not fucking sorry I have clinical OCD and how she treats Tav/Durge in the Grove makes me get on my fucking knees-- you want a dog bitch I will BARK just tell me I am okay and worth it pls ;-; I will believe your lies)

Bathlazar (look he is the only fucking plus sized masc character in this fucking game, is 10000% my type physically and I am feral for some rep [why are plus sized masc characters so fucking hard to find GIMME THE GOODS], plus his floaty magic bullshit has me clawing at the fucking WALLLS SOMEONE PUT ME DOWN BEFORE I BITE [you can also kill me for the gif but idgaf okay I find it hot AF and there was an Aylin one that was "worse" and I am not here to debate I just wanna ride the fucking plus sized necromancer okay I am in the ACTUAL FUCKING WALLS])

#bg3 shitposting #i am 1000000% serious in this shit #someone sedate me

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bunchofdogstuff · 10 months ago

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A work in progress.

(( this is the first time I post something on tumblr... I hope it reaches someone! ))

(( Please let me know what you think! ))

It will start right at the North Pole.

Predictions from the distant past failed to calculate the exact point of impact, but modern technology has made things so, so easy… we can pinpoint the precise spot where the first lightning bolt will fall, even if we can’t do anything to stop it.

The sensors will go awry, the entire world will take notice for a moment. A lightning bolt? On a perfectly starry night? Where did it come from? Questions that will stall the minds of the brightest minds in the world, while disaster spreads through the ice fields, crawling so close to the floor, devouring everything on its way.

The Loathsome Mist will return, and with it, the shadows of the beings we stole this world from, so long ago that no one remembers anymore.

The Second Sacrifice will begin, and this time there’s no unlikely hero, no charitable soul to stop it as its core.

As time draws near to the end of the world, and all my attempts to stall it crumble to dust, I am faced with a choice.

I can either brave this alone, and pray to the stars that I find a solution like I did almost six hundred years ago… or I can submit, and seek his aid.

I’d rather die and take the whole world with me than having to talk with that pusillanimous buffoon again.

So I guess I am on my own.

Diary of Mustafá, the Witch. Entry Number 882.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My heart is beating so hard, it feels like it could just jump straight out of my throat in any second now. My lungs are on fire, my neck and my arms hurt as I get up. I can feel my own blood flowing from my arm and falling on the floor, mixing with the magic flowing in the air. Green, purple, golden, red, I can’t distinguish them as they swirl and dance… and I can’t really stop and marvel at it. Not with this sense of impending doom on my back.

I try to get my bearings, after all I hit my head real hard on my fall down the stairs. The stairs! I am standing on the stairway of the apartment complex where I’ve lived for the last three years. It’s dark, pitch black in fact, and yet I can perfectly see my blood dripping and my favorite hoodie being ruined by it.

It’s a very small space, barely having any room for an extinguisher on every floor. Ah, that’s right, and I’ve seen several extinguishers already, so I must have gone down a few floors. I started on floor eight, and I am on floor…

With some of the blood on my fingers I paint the walll, illuminating some of it with the bright color of pure magic.

3rd Floor.

I fell five floors straight!? No way, I must have run a little at least… run… run from…

The sound of steps interrupts me. They are slow, calm, she’s getting closer. She knows I don’t have the physique to run nor the knowledge to somehow disappear myself. And yet I push myself to start trotting down the stairs again, no point in trying to hide from her!

As I go, I furiously tap on my phone, sending messages to the Fellowship. It’s not like any of them can help me now but, at least they can make sure to save whatever we can from the work before she takes it from my cold, dead hands.

xXxNoCookieLikeBIGCookiexXx: SHE’S CHASING ME, 82 IS CHASING ME.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: WHAT. OMG RUN, RUN!!!! O.o

jeepers creepers man: what do you mean “chasing you”???

xXxNoCookieLikeBIGCookiexXx: SHE’S CHASING ME, SHE APPEARED IN MY HOUSE AND IS NOW CHASING ME.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: TAVY-CHAN RUUUUN!!!

jeepers creepers man: ok ok, calm down, calm down.

jeepers creepers man: i assume you tried to talk to her and it went poorly

xXxNoCookieLikeBIGCookiexXx: CAN’T TALK RUNNING

jeepers creepers man: ok ok, fuck, hmmm…

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: I’M GONNA WAKE UP CANNY-KUN HE’LL KNOW WHAT TO DO

GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: shit shit SHIT I knew this was going to happen man

GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: she’s gonna come for us next guys you better get ready.

I don’t have time for this.

With a loud sigh I jam the phone in my pocket and stop running, panting, gasping for air and fighting for my life as I reach the door of the bottom floor. I didn’t even notice how her steps were no longer echoing in the stairway, I was just desperate to push that door and look for an exit.

Only to find her standing right there, a bored look on her face and her hand raised in my direction. The Alchemist was a head smaller than me, at least! But her tiny frame commanded a strange, powerful presence. Her skin was dark, darker than mine at least! But what really caught my attention from the very start were her eyes: unnaturally golden, wide awake and yet so dull, dead.

“End of the line, Octavia.” Her cold, emotionless voice makes me shiver. “Give me the book or I’ll take it from you.”

“C-Can’t we discuss this?”

“You don’t want a part in this game, kid. If this is the only way to make you understand, so be it.”

Green, purple and golden, the octarine light of magic, flowed through the Alchemist’s veins and straight to her hand. I have no idea what she has in mind but I do not want to just wait and figure that out. I raise my own hand, throwing it down as I jump back into the stairway. I may not be powerful enough to cast a proper fire, but I know how to make smoke.

"GOLTHOI!"

I don’t know why I yelled, it just felt appropriate. There’s a very small yet loud explosion, as if something had broken on the floor between us, and then a thick cloud of smoke expanded and covered the whole door. As I fall back, I can feel something brush past me, mere inches from my head. A ball of green light that breaks into pieces of glass on the wall behind me, surely aimed at my face before my little gambit.

This woman wants to kill me.

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

Oh I’d make it as hard as I could. As I ran back up the stairs without really thinking where I will hide from this crazed Alchemist, I can’t help but look back and wonder how I ended up here. To think that a few months ago I would have simply kneeled and submitted my life at the first chance to end it all…

And now here I am, running for my life, clinging to my backpack with all the strength I can muster and pushing my body far beyond its pathetic limits just so I can continue pushing my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Truly, the life of a translator really is non-stop excitement.

#writing #writeblr #writblr #creative writing #original writing #amwriting #urban fantasy

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citsfundy · 3 months ago

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Hey Fundy… it’s been a bit… I know we haven’t always had the best times or been super close especially with everything that happened with Wil but… I just wanted to write you a letter to tell you that I need someone to visit me to know how L’Manberg’s doing in my absence. In case you are wondering I’m doing super bad amazing out with the green bitch. He’s mean to me nice for the most part. I don’t know if he’ll even deliver this but I hope you get it so I can say I’m sorry tell you I’m doing fucking fantastic.

@mellocats-enthusiast

Oh hi tommy! lmanburgs been doiung pretty good, especially without the wallls lmmao. I mighht try to visit u at osme point, but ive been pretty busy with secretary of state and butvher army stugf. dreams a dirty fucking cheater so you probably shouldnt trust him, he'll only BREAK YOUR FUCKINGK HEART. prime. fuck. anyways glaf to hear your haveing fun in exile, it was real fucked up of tubbo to do that but whatever....we have some stuff in the works that might...well i shoudlnt say to much over letter.

#asks #c!fundy rp #c!fundy #dream smp rp #ooc: ty for the ask :D

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666silco · 2 years ago

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Been looking at Hannibal’s interior (as one does) and I literally cannot figure out what this man’s favorite color is?? Now I’m spiralling though because is it normal to not have a FAVORITE color? Like you own most things in said color? Or is this what truly, definitely, once and for all proves that Hannibal Lecter is a psychopath. It’s because he doesn’t have a favorite color. Or am I the psychopath in this situation? I want any and everything to be my favorite color (green).

His house is so many mixes of reds, blues, browns, even some oranges and greens. Also his overall interior aesthetic is really odd. Not in a bad way though, at least in my opinion. I’ve seen some call it ugly, but that’s besides the point. He has a lot of very vintage-y feel, almost grandmacore furniture. But the decor (wall hangings, lamps, etc) feel very rustic? I think would be the word? He literally has a table with deer hooves for legs I’m pretty sure. Or maybe that was a dream. ANYWAY. Very all over the place aesthetic, it’s driving me mad.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ve come to the conclusion that I shouldn’t be this curious as to what Hannibal’s favorite color is. But now it’s killing me from the inside out.

I am under the assumption that his favorite color is blue. Almost his entire bedroom is blue, the trim(?) in many of the rooms is the same blue, as well as the wallls in his dining room, and lastly a lot of his smaller decorations like throw pillows and such are blue.

Also, I’m Pretty Sure a majority of his suits are blue. The only thing that deters me is his most iconic suit (in my opinion) is red. It’s the one that both Bryan Fuller and Mads have a replica of. And yk, corny horror character obviously loves red because it’s the color of blood! But I doubt that’s an actual factor. Maybe Hannibal just wore red on his murderous days because he didn’t want to get his beloved blue suits covered in blood.

This post was longer than intended..

#nbc hannibal #hannibal #just want to clarify im not using the term psychopath in a derogatory way #using it in the way the show uses it #in the non derogatory way LMAO #sensitive psychopath #so anyway yeah what the HELL is Hannibal’s favorite color #and no #him NOT CARING about color is not an option #that man is as theatrical as it gets #there’s no way he doesn’t think about what color he wears or whatever else #you’d never catch him mismatching that’s for sure #although perhaps he is just educated on color theory..#which in that case he doesn’t really need to CARE about it because he KNOWS about it #oh god im spiralling again #im gonna stop now #you are obsessed (with Hannibal’s favorite color)#i’m intrigued #obsessively

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sensei-venus · 2 years ago

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Pls more Chris 🥺 I just know he like to stretch his gf on his big cock snd praise her for taking him so well. Ans pre down on her chubby tummy to feel himself deep inside her. He's not sorry when he ficks her dumbb ans comes fat fat loads inside her

(Unedited) (Public Sex, Closet Sex, Sex in the Dark, Size Kink, Size Difference, Creampie Kink, Chris being a soft boyfriend.)

“Chris we should’ve be doing this here…we could get caught, you could lose your job.”

Reader whispered as they stand stuffed together in one of the back storage closet’s of golf-n-stuff. Reader just showed up to drop off some dinner because Chris was working a night shift. It was supposed to be a few minutes of talking before letting him get back to work.

But then his break came up and the food was left forgotten on one of the back room counter tops.

This equaled Chris wanting to “thank his amazing and loving girlfriend for being so kind to have brought him dinner at work.” Which lead him to kissing her passionately before shoving the both of them into a dark closet in the back.

He kissed up her neck as he looked over her, pressing her into a empty wall. He pressed his whole body into her as he harshly sucked marks into her flesh. His thoung lashed out and tried to soothe the harsh raised skin he left. Even in the dark she knew he was smirking. She felt the way his lips pulled up into the skin of her neck. She whined as he placed a small peak on her cheek. Her face already starting to get hot from his attention.

“No one comes back here and I have a twenty minute break. I can get you off in at least five. Just let me take care of my pretty girl?” He almost sounded like it was a real question. But she knew he was going to get what he wanted anyway. Because she just couldn’t say no to her hot boyfriend.

He was quick to unbutton his pants and whip out his already hard dick. Bumping and grinding in a closet up against your sexy girlfriend can do that some times. He wanted to laugh at his own mental joke but he stopped, to focused on his girlfriend. He couldn’t see her in the completely dark closet but he could still hear her. Her soft breathing and hard pants from trying to catch her breath from his kisses. He loved kissing her and getting her all worked up, it was one of his talents. He heard her hiss and realized she had smashed her finger trying to get her jeans off.

“It’s ok I got it, just turn around for me and bend over a little. I’ll take good care of you, promise.”

His voice was sweet as he felt her shuffle around in the tight space of the closet. His fingers reached around to her front and quickly made work of the stubborn button of her jeans. He helped her pull them down enough to give him access. Her ass ground back against him making him groan as the soft thin material of her panties rubbed against his cock. For a moment he tried to decide if he was going to pull the thin material down or if he was just going to pull it to the side so he could slide home into her tight pussy. He decided to just pull the flimsy material down to join her jeans.

Bracing herself against the walll she could feel the way Chris thick fingers slid between her damp folds. The tip of his thick finger bumping into her clit before he gave it a small rub. She moaned and tried to cover her mouth. He moved away from the small bundle of nerves and went back to her hole. She knew she was already getting wet. She felt him pull her pussy lips apart, they just sat there for a moment drinking everything in.

A moment later she felt the hard head of his cock poke at her hole.

She whimpered as he pushed straight in, bottoming out in just a few moments. They both sighed as they connected completely. Her ass was pressed tight to his balls, her folds pressed hard against him. She could feel him twitch inside her tight cunt and it made her shiver.

Within a second after the two got use to it Chris started to move. Shallow thrusts into her from behind that made her whole body shake. She had to spread her legs as wide as she could with her pants around her knee’s. His thrusts growing hard and rough with every second. One of his hands held her tightly against him while the other snaked around her middle. His large hand ghosted over her soft belly and over her rolls before stopping at her lower belly. Suddenly he pushed hard making the both of them moan.

“You feel that babe? That’s me in your tight little pussy. Your so good taking me like this. Taking my dick so deep inside you like this. So good for me. Bet you could do this for hours, just for me. Such a good slut just for me, your boyfriend.”

“Yes yes yes… just for you, good for you Chris!”

With one last sharp tug backwards on his fat cock, she came undone around him.

She shoved her hand over her mouth as she orgasmed. Her eyes rolling back as she thrusted back against him trying to ride him the best she could. Her legs growing weak from the pleasure he was giving her. Her walls tightened up around him and she could feel the warmth of her own cum leaking out around her boyfriends shaft. She shivered as her orgasm slowed and she was left in the after glow. She let him continue until he reached his own end.

He grunted as he pulled her back onto his cock one more time before stilling inside of her. Pumping her full of his hot cum. His hips jerked up into her as he spilled into her heat. Her hole drinking it up to the best of its ability. He rested his head in between the crook of her neck as they both stood there for a while. He could feel his dick slowly soften inside her spasming cunt. She whimpered as she slowly withdrew from her. He tucked himself back into his pants before looking back at her.

He ran his finger though her sloppy folds and felt their mixed cum covering her wet lips, it was thick and sticky against her sponge like lips. He smirked as he reached her hole. He couldn’t see it but he could feel the way her spent hole winked and spilled his hot load. It dripped onto his fingers before he shoveled it back into her raw pussy. He quickly pulled her underwear and pants back on before re buttoning them for her.

“You better get home before you leak all my cum into those cute panties. Text me when you get home so I know you got home safe. Thanks for dinner again babe.”

#cobra kai #cobra kai blog #cobra kai ask blog #cobra kai confessions #cobra kai imagine #cobra kai chris #chris x chubby reader #chris cobra kai #chubby reader #cobra kai x chubby reader #cobra kai reader #cobra kai x plus size reader #x reader #reader insert #smut headcanons #cobra kai smut thought #cobra kai smut #smut

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