#get it. Get it. Because hes a cat and cats catch rats and also he caught me. tiny lalafel baby.

[semisomni]

kunt u ons de weg naar de source planeet vertellen, exarch?

kunt u ons de weg naar de source planeet vertellen, exarch?

zeg me alsjeblieft dat je de weg nog weet

we willen heel gewoon t'rug naar de source planeet

kunt u ons de weg naar de source planeet vertellen, exarch?

De kortste weg

Ik wil terug

U hoeft ons maar te wijzen tot de poort, maar vlug

Kunt u ons de weg naar de source planeet vertellen, exarch?

Ik moet er nodig heen, het is nu oorlog daar

die klootzak van een varis is nog lang niet klaar

Kunt u ons de weg naar de source planeet vertellen, exarch?

(Ach, ach, rattenvanger wacht niet langer....)

[zooophagous]

I'm gonna be contrarian here for a minute and rant about "cats aren't even good pest control."

Which, one study that found cats don't do well against rats is not the be all end all of reality. A cat may not go after Norway rats, which are large and aggressive, no. An adult male wild Norway rat is large enough to give almost any cat a run for its money.

But Norway rats aren't the only thing that exist and get into houses and barns. It is very cold where I live, and while I see mice and packrats and voles, I have never once seen a wild RAT. Wild RATS don't get into my garage. Deer mice do. Bushy tailed pack rats do.

And you know what fixed it?

My cat. He's not even an outdoor cat. He's 100% indoors, or in the garage but only with the door closed so he can't leave.

He single handedly removed my packrat problem. I didn't need to resort to poisons and while I did set traps, none of them had even half of his success rate. Cats were domesticated primarily because of how good they are at catching small rodents. Their success knocked other animals such as trained ferrets off the popular spot for the task. Claiming a cat is useless as pest control is just plain not true.

Cats are decent pest control WITHIN CERTAIN PARAMETERS. They're good for certain types of small pest, and cats need ro be CONTAINED. Much like poisons, you can't just throw cats around willy nilly because they'll kill a shitload of non target animals.

A barn or shop cat is a good option for long term mouse control *if* it is actually confined to that barn or shop and not free to just leave. A semi feral cat that lives in a large warehouse and is vaccinated and desexed and vetted and kills whatever tiny pests get in to chew on stuff is the best case scenario for an adopted feral.

What I do NOT get however, is the insistence that terriers are better and you should just get one of those.

A dog is not an easy animal to keep and nor is it one you should go purchase because you want long term pest control in your barn. If you want a pest control solution call an externinator. If you want a dog that's intelligent and driven and needs dedicated training and care and you're happy to put in the energy to actually focus its chaotic energy into something useful then go get a ratting terrier.

These little dogs do not fill the same niche as a barn cat and their care is quite a bit more intense in general especially if the dog is going to be a house pet as well as a worker. They're intense and destructive and can and will pick fights, often fatal fights, with other animals. Stop telling people to go get one when all they need is to get some squirrels out of a shed. Buying a dog and buying pest control are not the same thing.

You could *hire* a ratter to do a sweep, but unless you're also removing the conditions that made your property popular with rats to begin with you're going to have to keep bringing them back.

The kind of people who leave feral cats outside to roam and breed freely are the last fucking people who have any business keeping a working line terrier.

[just-a-sewer-goblin]

This is inspired by this ask! Thank you for letting me use this idea @ceilidho. Also not proofread because it's late and I should really be sleeping

COD Masterlist | Next Part >

Butcher!Simon who can't help but get excited, as excited as he can get, when he sees you walking down the sidewalk towards the shop.

You're such an adorable thing, really. Always nervously wringing your fingers when you leave your dog outside. Always polite and soft spoken. He's never seen anyone as pure as you before (even tho he can't know how pure you are but compared to him you are basically a saint).

Your dog is the opposite of you, big and scary with a mean face but utterly whipped for you. It's obvious that you got it for protection and it's intimidatingly well trained. Simon admires the way you handle the animal. He wouldn't mind letting you handle him the same way.

Him and the dog might not be so different, he thinks. Both hardened old men, used to a harsher lifes, that soften for you and would follow your lead every day. Hell, he'd be as well behaved as your dog too if you put a collar and a leash on him and kissed his head the way you kiss your dogs when you leave him outside.

It's a familiar dance at this point, you tie your dog to the pole outside, look into the shop, notice Simon already looking at you and promtly look away at your dog once more.

You draw a few deep breaths, kiss your dogs head (damnit he never thought he'd be jealous of a dog) and Simon can't help but smile behind his mask, utterly enamored.

If only you weren't so intimidated by him. He really wishes he could have a conversation with you but he never gets more out of you than one word answers and a finger pointing at the meat you want.

And fuck, Simon is no conversationalist but he's really trying for you, but you're so damn timid around him. If he doesn't get to hear your pretty voice more he might just lose his damn mind.

So when you open the door, the chime a soft sound in the backround, entirely unfitting for this type of shop, his gruff voice stops you.

"You can bring him in with ya."

"I'm sorry, what?", you ask, confused.

"The dog.", Simon clarifies and you stand there in the open door looking at him like he just told you that he'll be butchering and selling your dog next.

Did he already fuck this up? You seem even more intimidated than usual. The diversion from your routine making your interaction even more tense. He tries to soften his voice when he goes again.

"You can bring your dog inside with ya, if it makes you more comfortable, sweetheart."

Your eyes are big when you meet his. Whether it's because of what he offered or the petname that slipped out, he isn't sure.

"But the sign says only service dogs?", you question genuinely confused.

Simon nearly snorts at your expression, like a deer caught in the headlights and damn him, if he doesn't wanna catch you.

"It's fine, just don't tell the boss. He won't know that it's no service dog as long as you don't rat me out. The boss can't tell a dog from a cat if I'm bein' honest.", he whispers conspiracionally. And then he swears he nearly has a heart attack.

You giggle. You giggle and blush brightly red at the same time, hiding your mouth with your hand and it takes everything in Simon to stop himself from jumping over the counter and pulling that hand away because the glimpse of your smile?! Yeah, he's fucked.

"Maybe next time I'll bring him in with me.", you finally answer. And Simon could die a happy man, finally having had a conversation with you (maybe just a short one but a conversation nontheless) that involves something other than the meat.

He's utterly fucked when you walk up to the counter, still blushing prettily (he didn't know he could make you do that so easily) and softly say your order.

He's utterly fucked when you pay, look at his name tag and say: "Thank you, Simon."

His name in your voice is a sound he will never forget again. He's sure he sounds like a fool when he says: "Have a nice day."

He's even more fucked when you turn around and he watches your cute ass walk out of the shop, giving your dog a treat for being so well behaved.

He nearly faints when you turn around, before walking away, gift him with a smile and wave goodbye. He returns the gesture mindlessly, glad that his mask is hiding the stupid expression he surely is wearing at that moment.

Oh yeah, he needs to catch you. And for that he'll have to prepare dog treats for next time.

[11rosebunny]

How they like touching you

—Hajime Umemiya, Toma Hiragi, Taiga Tsugeura, Jo Togame.

Hajime Umemiya

If you don't like physical touch then you better start running away before this man catches you. As much as he digs hugs from behind, his most preferred way of touching you is by holding onto your waist. It's an innocent touch in his eyes and usually does not touch you there to rile you up, it's simply just because he likes the feeling of how his hands squish your torso.

He touches your waist as an excuse to get past you or to move you somewhere else if you're standing too close to something he doesn't like. He will never admit it that he also likes it when he sees you go red or get shy whenever he touches you there.

Toma Hiragi

This boy will put his arm around you and bring you closer to him by pushing your hips. He's a sick bastard and doesn't even know half of the time that it makes you go crazy, he's done it out of habit due to being protective over you, or sometimes when he's even jealous.

If you're sitting down, he might even just rest his hand on your hip to ensure you won't go away, he loves the feeling of your body next to his at all times, he's more selfish than you think he is.

Taiga Tsugeura

Goodness gracious if he manages to get his hands on you, just know you're not going to be leaving for a while. Instead of doing intimate touches, this man loves to rest his body on your stomach, legs, or chest. This usually only occurs when you two are laying down in bed doing nothing, so putting his head on you as a cushioning sometimes gets you aggravated because that means he won't be getting up for a very long time.

The worst is whenever he's on top of you and resting his head on your stomach, you are on a chokehold by this large man full of muscles and you don't get to leave until he lets you.

Jo Togame

Said before, he likes touching you a lot more. This cocky rat tail man loves touching your thighs, he excuses his behaviour because it's in his "blood" to touch you there. But if he wants to be honest, it's because he loves the squishy feeling and the way they jiggle, perhaps he's an ass man? Who knows.

He likes to rest his hands in the back pockets of your pants, even out in public but he won't overdo it for the sake of your well-being, he doesn't want to end up carrying a woman trying to maul him in the face for accidentally squeezing her butt in public. It's almost like he's wrestling a cat in his arms.

[jaythes1mp]

Are you considering any other alternative animals? Because I think that Gotham would be more suitable, for example, an opossum hybrid Reader, if it means a pure law-abiding civilian or a raccoon/fox, for a more morally gray, but peaceful one (just ife is hard), or a badger and it would be a villain or antihero. Can you imagine the degree of comicality if someone catches Bats or Wayne with a real live badger, which they squeeze like a puppy, and meanwhile he behaves completely wildly and tries to bite off their hand? (except for Damien/Robin, he obviously and notoriously loves all non-human animals with unconditional love). Or a situation where the raccoon Reader helps Alfred wash the dishes? Or how the possum in a human body leaves some of its instincts and pretends to be dead when attacked by some villain (ideally, probably the Joker), that is, it really convincingly pretends like a real animal and deceives others, at least until it considers the situation safe, and the rest of the hostages are not so lucky (because it's a Joker)? (I think this would be the first meeting) If you need birds/flying/non-mammalian animals, I think of a pigeon, a crow and… I do not know what large birds of prey should be found in the geography of Gotham (and I did not name hybrid bats, because it is too obvious and it has already been mentioned in a couple of posts on this topic). And I would be a rat, whoever kept them as pets knows that they are just mini dogs. Of course, wild rats or passerines can be more aggressive than decorative ones, but this is rather due to their forced female survival. I use a translator because I don't know English so well and I don't have much free time for thoughtful translation. And I also had an anonymous smiley face, but I forgot it —.^,—

Thank you for the ask, anon!

I definitely have thought through some other animals, and will for sure write some one-shots and hc in the future if anyone asks for them. 

I’m open to making any and all kinds of hybrid readers.

So far I have a robin reader, a cat reader, and a puppy reader. 

I've been staying on the more common pet side of things, but the thought of a possum, opossum, badger, or raccoon reader is definitely an interesting concept. This is due to their wild and untamable nature in contrast to domesticated pets.

However I know jack shit about those animals so it wouldn’t be as detailed. Though I’d for sure attempt it. 

Because the idea of The Bruce Wayne, the wealthy philanthropist and Gotham City's golden boy, standing up at some random podium, trying to give a speech, with a rabid, hissing and scratching badger in his hands would definitely cause a large, hilarious commotion. 

Or even if the family attended one of those many fancy galas that they fund with this enormous, ferocious looking, sharp-taloned eagle perched on one of their shoulders. 

Or perhaps the family are attending a high-brow dinner, with a rat seated in the centre, one of those miniature harnesses wrapped around its form. The entire restaurant's attention drawn to the billionaire family and the rodent they’ve brought with them in a way that borders on being alienated. Because rats are usually chased out of a restaurant, not brought in and treated like royalty. But who's to go against the Wayne family?

Maybe the reader is a villain or anti-hero that the Gotham vigilantes are tasked to capture, in which they end up becoming unhealthily attached to, to the point where they can't have the reader in their human form without the chance of being recognised. So instead the Waynes/vigilantes are always seen with a snake wrapped snugly around their necks, torsos, thighs, or arms. Or a ferret tied safely to their utility belts, folded comfortably in their pockets, or peeking out from inside their shirts. Perhaps the reader can shift into a some form of sea water creature, like a seahorse, jellyfish, or octopus. Where in that case they never even get the chance to ever leave the estate, unlike how they would as a reptile or mammal. Trapped in a large enclosure, in the middle of the manor, designed to accommodate your species perfectly, for life.

[jellazticious]

bing bong bootleg SS au

very long ramble under the C

stuff are subjected to change

The working title isn't solidified but I'm leaning on either Candy Castle or Pastry Castle

Tho I think I'm gonna go for pastry cuz it has the same amount of letters as castle much like pizza and tower have the same number too

The tower is a gingerbread castle. According to a friend of mine (It's Beefy, it's always Beefy go follow him) that Hispanics love their bakeries and yeah, I guess that makes sense. Not only do I have a theme based on the protag's culture but also the theme gets narrowed down to just baked sweets. Candy in general is too broad, I would die figuring out how to put every kind of sweet in it, and if I did it's gonna be really cluttered hooboy

Noise is called Theo because that's Peppino's name formula. Peppino is a nickname for Giuseppe so I thought I'd give Noise's swap a nickname to Theodore as the main name

Hazel Nutt is pretty self explanatory cuz Noisette means hazelnut in French

Their outfits are pretty simple to mirror Peppino and Gustavo's with just coloured shirts and aprons

Hazel doesn't get a mount because she would have Theo's prototype rocket skates. Just like Gus, she would have different stages of getting used to the skates per floor. First she gets blasted from end to end cuz she can't control the thrust. Second, she manages to turn it off but she's trying to keep balance on it. Third, she catches her breath now that she could stand still without moving or slipping. Next she would make a card castle, in reference to the very castle they're inside. and lastly she'd be holding a box of sweets without giving a shit about the scary floor.

To parallel the og Noisette, Hazel would smile bigger when Theo faces her direction.

Hazel is also Theo's delivery gal to match and switch with how Peppino WAS Gustavo's delivery guy

The "kick the rat" function would be Hazel swinging one of the skates and the cops grabbing Brick would instead hold a weapon detector that also functions as a magnet

Unlike Peppino, Theo is more aggressive than anxious. Imagine an injured cat defending itself from what it thinks is a threat

the name of Pizzaface's swap is Pieface for obvious reasons 😭

but HEAR ME OUT

both pizzaface and pieface are used as insults. pizza face is used for people with so much acne and pie face is used for someone with a flat face or dull expression. It isn't just a pun on what food the characters are made of. Pieface is also a reference to the trope where people headshot other people with pies. With the mech floating towards the protag, it would look like a pie is being thrown and targeted at Theo

Honestly drawing what food makes his face is so fun. Did you know that before the croissant smile it was supposed to be syrup shaped to a smile? The nose was a long whip of cream before turning into a cut strawberry for the mustache effect

Pizzahead's candy version would be called Gingerhead because of how ridiculous it sounds.

Gingerhead is based on Willy Wonka much like how Pizzahead is based on Ronald McDonald which is why he has more of a showman look than a clown look

okay side note, it just occured to me how ironic PH being based on Ronald is considering McDo's isn't a pizza place

actually Wonka doesn't even sell cakes and shit so, I guess it's fair game

Theo has the nickname Muffinman to reference the rhyme. but this time, it's the gingerbreadman chasing the baker

Next up is Mr S, who would be Peppino but he becomes rich. Mr S is the stage name he uses. He is a known celebrity much as Noise is but he is more of a boxer than a host. Like Dwayne Johnson or something. His name is partially a reference to ResEvil's Mr X, another absolute unit of a guy

also the reason why he doesn't wear a shirt. He's committing to the bit. If he needs to cover himself when he isn't playing a role, then there's his robe. He doesn't take out his mask most of the time tho

Mr S's mask is based on the Chef Raider design but also part of the scrapped superhero design much like Pizzano. Actually speaking of Pizzano, S is characterized so similarly to him cuz Pizzano is the only SS character who was actually written well to my standards. To be fair we've seen too much of Peppino to flunk characterizing him sksksk

Since this is Peppino that Mr S is based on, he's not as tech savvy or as self centered as Noise so he doesn't have robots that look like himself. Instead he has ants for a crew

the ants swap the place of rats. the rats in PT reference the new york pizza rat while ants just generally eat your food especially if it's sweet when left alone for five minutes

the ants come from Mr G, who would be Gustavo's swap with Noisette. He's Mr S's lawyer. at the end of S's bossfight, G would snatch him away with Click (the ant) because S would make a foul and embarrassing move on live camera

I can't seperate Gustavo and Brick so Click stays with Mr G instead of assisting Hazel

inside what would be Noisette cafe, instead of Mr G and Click being behind the counter, they would be sitting as customers next to Caraman. the barista isn't seen anywhere

Honestly when I'm writing everyone, my logic of swapping them isn't "make them switch places AND personalities" but more of "write every single one of them with the og personality because giving them a different lifestyle/role would drastically change their motives and how they behave"

I'm practically just swapping each character's place of birth

I mentioned this because it's kinda funny with Noisette and Gus since they play the exact same role of assisting Peppino/Noise so swapping them won't change much in how they act. They also have the same cheery and welcoming personality by default so Hazel and Mr G would act REALLY similar to their og

The only difference is that Gustavo can be threatening whenever Peppino fucks up. It fits right in with being a lawyer for the same goon

Now we got Mel Caraman who would become this au's Vigi. Lemme just say off the bat that Caraman is just as delusional as Vigi. He gets hired as a guard for floor 2 and took it way too seriously that he thinks he's some sort of sentinel. Hired as a guard but thinks he's an ancient guardian or something

his name vaguely references James Bond because you also VAGUELY get "caramel" out of "Caraman, Mel Caraman"

Caraman is a caramel apple but he's half glazed to form an eyemask. he's also got a stick poking out his head that stretches his chorro hat. the big hat makes him look cooler anyways. Bro I was so ready to settle for a shitty wild west mayor hat and I owe Beefy one for suggesting a new hat. I was gonna make him look like Doug Dimmadome with the short brimmed tall hat😭😭😭

but yeah Caraman doesn't have the same dignity as Vigi does. He can fight crime decently on normal circumstances and badass when he's full serious. But like day in day out he's so obnoxious about looking for crime that people get tired of him nor would they take him seriously

he would also be mistaken for a pepper

Next to last, Cam M. Bert or just Bert who would take place of Pepperman. he's an artist who appreciates the world instead of himself, a freelancer also. There was only a bossfight because he was coincidentally commissioned to make a mural for the castle the same time Theo busts in. He didn't like how Theo ruined some of his works with his rush to open the door

Bert is a cream cheese instead of a cheese slime. his beret is actually a little cherry to distinguish him from the other creams.

Bert is really chill and humble, He's like Bob Ross, whenever he can, he'd try to talk about how every beauty in the world should be immortalized through a canvas

In parallel to Vigi's delusion of thinking he's a human, Bert thinks he's actually a living painting (which is completely possible for someone to be in the PT world since Pepperman was able to do it with his own art)

instead of a :{ face that Vigilante has, Bert has a :3 face

the naming formula is taken directly from Vigi

Vig E. Lantte

Cam M. Bert

There is a type of sweet cheese that's really creamy called camembert which his name is a direct reference from. Here is a picture of a camembert since it's hella cute

Camembert cheese was also suggested by Beefy, brother thank you for not allowing me to name this cunt Creamlad

Mr Lardo would be in place of Mr Stick but his motive is that he's collecting Theo's money on BEHALF of Mr Stick. They're probably the only ones who completely stay intact because there's not much canon info of Stick WITHIN the game itself I also feel he's a crossover character from his own "series" with how long McPig has him prior to PT so I just swap the character who makes the "cameo"

The toppins are still called toppins because they'd be used to decorate a cake or pie. They would be

Strawberry - Mushroom

Cream - Cheese

Cookie - Tomato

Icing (in a piping bag) - Sausage

actually I dont know yet for the pineapple but I'll get to it. I've only been figuring out this au since four days ago....

Lastly (of the characters), the Faker in this would be mechanical to match the original Noise's familiarity in robots

Fake Theo (temp name) would be engineered to be "Theo but way better" while actually being succesful with it. Faker would also sort of look like a mini figure of a ballerina. Referencing The Nutcracker

Opposite to Fake Peppino, Fake Theo is more graceful than terrifying but it's so uncanny how unnaturally pretty it is

and now some misc stuff

Title of the final level is When The Cookie Crumbles

the pepper pizza will be replaced with an extremely sweet pie and the immunity is caused by the sugar rush from it

Pizza Time is called Crunch Time

Pillar John would be a giant graham cracker since the walls are made of cookies instead of bricks. Gerome however, is a solidified bar of brownies. like a shittily made brownie that it just turned into a construction brick

Snotty is a pure white cream cheese and that's cuz he's actually made of glue. His name is Sticky

Pigs would either be bears or rabbits with how many times those two animals represented sweets

I'm gonna be clear with everyone here. I literally made this au cuz I'm going insane trying to make swap stuff with Pascal/Stefano when the au itself is so empty. sure it's colourful but it's so empty like I can't draw SS characters outside of poses

I tried like doing fanon modifications as I always do then there's so much I "modified" that at this point it's not Sugary Spire anymore. Just straight up a completely different au. The only similarity is that it's a swap au with sweets

it is what it is yknow. this is my life now. I said fuck it and went with the flow and boom, new personal au that I poured too much into

basically I blame Pascal for this

[verysium]

please write something about blue lock as cat dads, like we have cat and its batshit insane <3

my cat was furiously scratching at my bedroom door this morning, so i'm taking that as a sign to write this. here you go anon:

rin owns a void. black fur with bluish green eyes and sharp little fangs. rin adopted him as an emotional support animal after sae left for spain. his name is kuro (黑) which means "black" in japanese because the itoshis are just unoriginal with all pet names. sometimes the cat camouflages with the furniture, but rin knows its habits too well to accidentally sit on him. they have an almost telepathic bond. kuro follows a very strict routine. feeding times are 7 in the morning before rin's football practice and 6 in the evening during dinner. he is calm and quiet most of the time but hisses whenever there are birds in the window. very shy around strangers. will curl his tail around rin's leg and peek out from time to time but does not have the courage to actually approach. sometimes if rin has free time, he takes kuro out to the park and lets him chase after the butterflies. kuro is also very intelligent. knows how to unlock doors, fetch the newspaper, and clean up after using the potty. sometimes spaces out when rin watches his horror movies at night. will blink at the screen owlishly. he's not very skittish when it comes to jumpscares. he just doesn't understand what's going on in the film. his favorite time of the year is during the holidays when rin goes back to kamakura to visit his parents. mama itoshi always sneaks kuro an extra fish bone.

oliver has a cat with heterochromia. his name is björn which is swedish for bear because he is a massive maine coon. flirts with all the tabby cats in his neighborhood and purrs loudly to show off. incredibly fluffy but sheds a lot. very strong physically. one time he moved oliver's entire closet because he did not like how it was blocking his cat door. secretly the leader of a cat gang, but oliver doesn't know. pretty chill most of the time and enjoys large family gatherings. multilingual because he can respond to commands in swedish, japanese, and german. he also knows a little bit of danish. oliver taught him a few tricks as a kitten. he can twirl around, roll over, and give high-fives. despite his large size, björk is very flexible and light on his feet. one time he got into the cookie jar on the top pantry shelf, and oliver's mom had to shoo him out.

shidou has an orange cat named ryu (竜) which is an alternative form of the kanji for "dragon" (龍). it is also adapted from the first character in his name "ryusei." his cat looks exactly like how mcdonald's sprite tastes. very spicy. does not sleep at night. his business hours are from three in the morning to whenever he passes out. drifts like a literal race car and makes vrooming sound effects. ryu took one whiff of catnip as a kitten and has never been the same since. all of his toys are shredded. prefers taking the head off first. you will find cotton stuffing everywhere. he destroyed the brand new cat bed shidou got for him, so now he's been downgraded to a cardboard box. ryu is prohibited from all open windows especially the ones with pull-down blinds because he once saw a squirrel and went absolutely feral. only eats raw meat and refuses to even touch dried kibble. sits beside shidou whenever he orders yukhoe from the local korean restaurant. feasts on all the scraps.

barou has a tuxedo cat. her name is mimi, and she is the sweetest cat in existence. claws are always trimmed. licks herself clean. unusually calm at the vet and groomer and is one of the few cats who actually enjoys baths. sometimes helps barou with cleaning by catching all the dust bunnies. his apartment is also insect-free thanks to her. she is, in fact, a baddie. the tomcat next door has tried to get her attention for over a year now, but she refuses to be swayed. he gave her a dead rat once, but mimi swatted it away before telling him he better start paying some bills and look somewhat hygienic before she even looked his way. the only man in her life is barou, and it will stay that way. mimi is also a polydactyl cat, so it looks like she's wearing white mittens. sometimes barou comes home from practice exhausted and collapses face first into bed, and mimi will crawl onto his back to knead his muscles for him.

nagi has a scottish fold. she has white fur and brown eyes, hence her name yuki which is japanese for "snow." she is very similar to nagi. lazy and sleeps all day. their favorite activity together is sunbathing. eats a lot but somehow still manages to stay in shape. she often sits upright like a human and kneads the fur on her tummy. as a kitten, she mirrored nagi's actions, so he got her a mini video game controller. it doesn't actually work, but she gets to press on the buttons whenever nagi is gaming. makes her feel very involved. scientists have also classified her as a liquid. she can get herself through every nook and cranny. even the two millimeter crack under the bedroom door. her favorite place in the house is her bed. has two fluffy blankets and a teddy bear. during winter, she moves her bed closer to the heater. has unofficial beef with choki because she tried to eat him once. ended up with spines in her mouth and never touched a houseplant after that. choki still has a giant missing chunk from where his arm was bitten off.

reo has a persian cat. her royal title is kana-hime because she is a spoiled princess. she has silky fur that smells like perennial roses. has an entire room to herself and a private chef. reo has like 3134736845 pictures of her on his phone. she is even included in the holiday cards and family portrait above the fireplace mantel. her collar is made of sterling silver with a diamond in the nameplate. very coquette. pink bows are her favorite. sensitive paws so reo customized a pair of small fur booties for her. clingy and has attachment issues (just like her owner.) sometimes goes on playdates with yuki. said playdates involve yuki just sitting there while kana-hime gives her a full body grooming session and makeover.

sae owns a siamese. light blue eyes and a dark patch of fur on her face and paws. she does not have a name because sae never formally adopted her. one morning he had gone to practice and returned to a mother and her kittens on his fire escape. sae did not keep the kittens, but unfortunately the mother was very persistent, so he let her stay. despite originally being a stray, she is very clean. always licking herself and sae's hands. not very picky but has a preference for seafood, specifically surume. very productive during the day. rearranges her bed and water bowl. scratches her post five to six times. takes a daily stroll on the rooftops of madrid. she doesn't have a collar, but somehow always manages to return safely to sae's window. has an almost sixth sense when it comes to his emotions. if she senses he is tired, she will hop onto his lap and force him to lay down and give her pets. if she sees that he is stressed, she rubs her head under his chin to calm him down. probably the only emotional attachment sae has had ever since he left japan.

kaiser has a norwegian forest cat. it has golden fur, dark stripes, and blue eyes. has a little mane around his neck, so he resembles a small lion. his name is klaus. basically a mini kaiser. preens in front of the mirror every morning alongside michael. prances around as if he owns the entire establishment. bullies other cats but is scared shitless in the presence of dogs (even chihuahuas). has a little habit of gently biting kaiser's finger. not enough to draw blood but enough to leave a little imprint from his fangs. it's his way of showing love. nuzzles against kaiser's neck tattoo when he picks klaus up. a very needy baby at night. cannot sleep well in any place that is not michael's bed. needs to be tucked in like a child with his stuffed animals and blankets. ends up sleeping on kaiser's face by the time the morning rolls around. has perfect loafs, as in 11/10 if it was a competition. side-eyes ness whenever he comes to visit. extremely judgmental to the point kaiser suspects klaus must have been a human in his past life. knows how to pose for photos and even tilts his head to capture a good angle.

[karlachismylife]

Love this blog you will find me rummaging through your writing like a raccoon in a trash can muwah

Oooh raccoon spottings!! Only the juiciest trash for you, fluffy comrade. This blog loves you back! Since I have been reblogging and doing ask replies a lot lately, feel free to use the masterlist, it's more or less full, only some little things get left in the "juju's grumbles" or "juju's replies" tags. But I reblog a lot of amazing creators, authors, writers and artists, so I do recommend scrolling and checking them out too!!!

And here, have some task force 141 discovering a raccoon in their home headcanons. I even went and found @thecutestgrotto 's raccoon dividers because how could I not, really.

Ghost hears rustling and is immediately on high alert. You're not home, and he would've recognized you regardless of how well you try to be sneaky, so this means there's an intruder. And this intruder chose a home with the scariest guard dog of them all.

Simon is stealth itself as he reaches for his tacticle knives. He could've gone for the gun, but that's too much noise and unwanted attention, would be better if no one knew he has it, since it's for emergencies. And for now this doesn't seem like an emergency, because you're not in danger and it seems like whoever broke in is slow, alone and not very confident in what they're doing.

As Simon stalks through the dark hall towards the back door where he heard the noise, he also realizes - that intruder is small. Could it be a kid? Stupid teenager breaking and entering for a bet? Or someone young and troubled to the point of desperately needing any sourse of cash? Or maybe it's a little one that got lost and just stumbled into someone's home in search of help? By the time Ghost actually reaches the now quiet room, he's already thinking he's going to be giving a stern talking, not a beating.

And then he finally turns the lights on, ready to pounce, and sees a dark fat blob frozen under a chair, beady black eyes staring at what poor racoon can only assume to be the apex predator.

"Bloody hell, where did ya come from, ya trash rat?" He's already assessed the room and made sure it was nothing more than the raccoon, so he sheaths the knife and crouches with a grunt, trying to grab the bugger by its scruff and shove him out of the door - it must've been the cat flap that let it inside. The raccoon, however, finally bolts. But not back to where it came from, no; it buries intself under the kitchen counter next. "Come back ya fookin' vermin, this ain't your hose, get the fuck outta here, bloody Zorro!"

When you finally come home, you're met with a sweaty, grumpy Simon with an icepack on his head, furniture moved around and traces of a proper chase scene. And a raccoon squished between the wall and the couch, nervously fidgeting with the mophead that somehow ended up there without a handle attached.

"Did you even try to lure him out with treats?" - "Fat bastart snatched a whole packet of nuts and bolted. Your turn now."

Price is having some fresh air outside, also known as lounging in a garden chair with his cigar, a pint and a nice book, early in the morning. He actually wasn't expecting to wake up this early, but he just recently got from a long deployment, so his sleep is messed up. Knowing he won't be able to fall back sleep, he decided not to disturb your own sleep, put on his big robe and went to catch sunrise beams. It's a little chilly, big droplets decorating all the greens and pinks of the garden - and the rising sun only makes the flowers look even more rosy as the tiny water diamonds sine and sparkle.

Bird song gets interrupted by snoring really quickly - the peace and serenity of morning garden, everything planted together with you and well taken care of, works on John like a lullaby, and he dozes off peacefully, his cigar snuffed out by a timin breeze, book flat on his chest and his hat slowly sliding down onto his eyes, protecting them from the sunlight. He's sleeping so soundly, even his snores aren't that loud, so the nature just accepts him as a part of the ever-changing landscape for today. Insects landing on him, searching for food and moving on without as much as tickling him. Wet grass sticking to his garden slippers and slowly drying of like that. Little midges getting stuck in his beard, poor thrashing creatures.

There's also someone bigger traversing the morning grounds, returning from the long night of searching for food. Not so stealthy under the sun, a dark shadow trots along the lush rose bushes that provide nice cover still. The hunt must've been not too successful, furry tummy still hungry and big tail dragging defeatedly.

But there's something new in this garden, something that wasn't there the previous day. And it brought something to put on the garden table - where food is often put. That's something worth investigatig, right?

When it turns out the little plate and big glass on the table only have something truly yucky in them (she checked really well), she has no other choice but to look in the chair. Good thing she has some help to recruit.

That's what explains the picture you see, once you wake up and go to look for your husband sleepily, only to find him snoring peacefully with a hat on his face and a whole family of raccoons rummaging through the pockets of his bathrobe and trying to climb up his hairy leg to see what's under the loosely tied belt.

There's raccoon infestation problem in your backyard. Well, it's not a real infestation, you already know that it's just one quite skinny and hungry-looking raccoon coming to rummage through your trash, scattering it around. Even when you stop putting it out, that poor critter keeps coming, bringing dirt onto your porch and sometimes even digging under your plants. You don't want to hurt the animal that's clearly just looking for food, so after some time you just give up and ask Gaz to deal with it.

You married him for his smarts too, you know, he should be able to think of something.

He obviously agrees, gives you a reassuring kiss on your temple and beams with pride just from knowing you think of him being capable to deal with any problem you have, because that's exactly what he's there for, he tells you. And he's confident he can do it, honestly, he has dealt with terrorists and complicated mechanisms, a starving shabby raccoon can't possibly be harder to deal with. You trust that confidence, you trust your husband, so you just leave him to it and forget about the problem.

Weeks pass without any real disturbance - at some point Kyles starts putting the trash outside again, and since it's not getting scattered all over the porch and garden again, you figure he has chased the raccoon away successfully. You would actually like to know how and thank him properly, but since he's still not mentioning it, you decide that he's still testing the results and will come report like a good boy once he's sure that little striped tail won't show up anymore.

You don't even put two and two together when one day, quite early in the morning, Kyle wakes you up with hot kisses behind your ear.

"Hey, angel. Sorry to wake you up, I jus' wanna show ya something. Let me carry you, a'right?" As soon as you stir, still warm and soft, eyes barely able to flutter open, he shushes you and stops you from getting from under the blanket. With a kiss on every eyelid, you get wrapped up in a blanket burrito and curl up in Kyle's arms, sleepy head resting on his shoulder as he carries you over to the door.

He places you on the porch rocking chair carefully, sealing the blanket around our feet so the cool morning air won't bite your toes, and crouches down next to you silently. Still half asleep, you can't even tell whether you wait for long or not, but your eyes try to close back, when suddenly something catches your attention.

It's the slightly more rounded raccoon - still same pattern on his tail, though - trotting directly to your porch with purpose in his stride. You blink, unsure what you're looking at, when that little buddy stops in front of the steps and looks at Kyle, who gives him a nod. Swiftly, the raccoon runs up the stairs and approaches the trash can. carefully, he slides off the lid with its tiny hands, and rummages inside. Just a single wrapper falls out of the whole bunch of things.

Once the raccoon finds some scraps he's been looking for and munches on them, he sniffs around, finds that wrapper and puts it back into the trash can. Then turns back to Kyle, who has a hard time hiding his sly grin as he looks at you, now completely awake and wide-eyes, from the corner of his eyes.

"Nope." Kyle makes an arching gesture with his palm. And the raccoon listens to him, turning to the trash can again and pulling the covering lid back over it. Only then he gets an approving nod from your husband, and just like that, leaves.

There's a moment of silence between you two as you watch that grey shadow disappear under the fence to your neighbours.

"Kyle, did you actually train a raccoon to throw its trash away?.."

You get a feeling when you push your key into the lock and open the door.

It's inexplainable, intuitive, gut feeling that you can't really put a finger on. Something's not right, but it's not the spooky dangerous "not right" like if you found your entrance wide open. No, it's a gnawing suspicion, an anticipation you get, trying to warn you something happened at home while you were away. Same feeling dog owners get when they're not being greeted by eagerly jumping pups because someone has chewed the owner's best pair of shoes up of broke their favourite vase.

Taking into consideration that you're living with John Soap MacTavish, it's either that or he's preparing to prank you.

But no, the TV's on and you hear distinct sounds of snacks being downed by one Scottish specimen, a glass or a bowl clinking from being touched by his clumsy big fingers, so he's not hiding behind the corner to jump at you. The apartment doesn't look trashed too, no hastly wiped blood splatters on the floor, no sight of ambulance or the police at the entrance into the apartment building. Looks like Johnny did't touch his street clothes or shoes either, so he probably didn't run out to throw away evidence like that one time when he forgot he started cooking something with caramel and had to throw away the whole pot.

Everything seems normal. Just your husband being so engolfed by Pocahontas that he doesn't hear you rustling with yout clothes and jiggling keys at the entrance, otherwise he would run out with crumbs of whatever it is he's snacking on in the corners of his mouth and grab you as he always does, spinning you around and looking like his whole life just regained its meaning because you're finally...

Wait. Since when is Johnny a Disney princess fan?

Last time you checked, the only one he approved off was Mulan, even Brave falling under critisism for historical inaccuracies he took too close to heart.

Carefully and sneakily, you tiptoe into the sitting room, going back and forth on whether to spook him as a revenge for the last time or not, but before you can decide, you get noticed.

There's a beat of silence between you, stuck in a creeping pose, Johnny with his hand still in a bowl of little apple slices, and a raccoon. Also sitting with a half-eaten apple slice in front of a slightly mudded water bowl. On the couch. In your living room.

"Soap."

Two pairs of eyes blink at you.

"MacTavish."

He slowly retracts his hand from the bowl and licks his lips, There's apple juice staining his stubble.

"Johnny. What the fuck is a raccoon doing sitting on the couch."

"We're hanging oot."

The raccoon finally moves and shoves the apple slice into its mouth, chewing juicily and reaching its paws in a asking manner. Distracted by that, Soap turns back to the critter and fishes a new slice out of the bowl, which the raccoon immediately snatches from your husband's hand and dips into the water bowl before crunching in the fruit.

"Johnny. Where did you find it."

"They just climbed oanto th' balcony!"

"Johnny, we're living on the 15th floor, how did it-" - "Nae "it", bonnie, 's "they". Ah asked. And their name's Rob Roy."

You fall silent again, watching Johnny hover protectively over the bloody non-binary raccoon. You wouldn't believe the balcony story, but Soap clearly looks like he hasn't left the apartment since you went out.

"It... they probably are someone's pet, Johnny. That ran away. Did you check? Ask around?"

"Ah did." He pouts at you as if he's offended you even doubt his ability to think of such logical solution. "Thay're nae. Jus' chose us, bonnie."

You feel your heard stutter at the implication behind those words and shake your head, pointing at the fiends on your couch.

"No-no-no, John MacTavish, we are not keeping that bloody thing. If it's a wild animal, it doesn't belong in an apartment! We weren't even ready for a cat, what raccoon, Johnny, the fuck you think it will-"

"But thay're cute! Look at 'em, bonnie! Ye wanna throw poor bastart away to starve and freeze tae death?!"

You and Rob Roy make similar pained sounds when Johnny grabs that fat fucker and shoves them into your face. Yeah, the raccoon is cute as hell.

It's Johnny's puppy eyes that do you in, though.

[sharenadraculea]

The primarchs having dinner together

Lion: He is a cat. He only eats the meat. Not even touching his veggies. He doesn‘t really get why they are having this dinner, but Luther thought him some decent table manners and he is happy to eat the meat of everyone who doesn‘t want theirs. He is eyeing the pidgeons sitting outside the window. They are gone by the end of teh evening. Fulgrim: He has some really bad allergies. Like one small bite can easely turn into a medical emergency. He really hoped to eat the same food as the others, but it‘s not safe. He takes his own food with him and feels pretty bad about it. Ferrus needs to comfort him. Perty: Grumbeling the whole time. Magnus dragged him here, saying it would be fun. Maybe it kind of is. But Calliphone still cooks better. Jagh: He is very excited to try some new food, very adventurous taste. He‘s having a great time, very supportive of his brothers who are a bit more picky than he is. Offers to buy everyone drinks. Leman: He has a lot of fun too, needs to be stopped from drinking too much. He is a bit sceptical of everything more complicated than bread and meat. A chocolate dessert needs to be ripped from his hands to avoid a medical emergency. Rogal: He has ARFID, so eating in general and especially going out to eat is difficult. Brought his own food with him and when told he eats like a toddler, goes on a extended rant/presentation about ARFID. Brought some extra dino-nuggets to share with his brothers. Ends up distracted and builds a fortress for the dino-nuggets to live in. Konrad: So much food! He has no idea where to look first. Eats very fast and has no table manners. Despite this, he won‘t touch his veggies, because cat. Heroically liberates Morty from both his meat and dessert. Somehow catches the rat which he nibbles on between courses.

Sang: He has perfect manners. Tries everything on the table, does a extensive food criticism. Definetly asks for the recipies of some things, the cook is crying in joy. At some point goes on a long tangent about food on Baal and how good snakes taste. Everyone is shocked that Sang would be a fan of raw snakemeat. He isn‘t very picky. Also eyeing Konrads rat and Lions pidgeons. Ferrus: Not enough stones for his taste. Attempts to also eat the plate. Very worried about Fulgrim and kind of hoovering around him. Lactoseintolerant and is carefull not to end up having a horrible stomach ache, Angron: The nails make tablemanners difficult, he has decided that everything is fingerfood. Surprisingly calm, ripping apart food probally helps. Rob: He got the menu weeks in advance to mentally prepare. Still, it is difficult to eat so much new food. He is kind of regretting that he didn‘t bring his own food like Rogal. Someone notices how stressed out he is and asks the cook if they can send him some spaghetti. This helps a lot. Morty: Meat just gives him the ick. Can‘t eat it, very glad to give his to Konrad. Very happy to eat Konrads and Lions veggies. Kind of intimidated by eating with so many people and very quiet. Looks like he thinks someone will take his food away any moment. Ends up hiding some food in his pockets to eat later, Magnus: He has brought his books with him, just in case. Not all that interested in the food, but keeps three conversations going at the same time. Later drinks two glasses of wine and is passed out, transforming into a blob of warp-goo. Horus: Loudly commenting on everyone else and what they are eating. Then Rogal lectures him and he is humbled for approximatly three minutes. Lactoseintolerant, which he fully ignores. Later loudly complains about his tummyache. Lorgar: His religion has pretty strict rules about what you can eat, so he is very angsty. But he also doesn‘t want to cause problems and it looks and smells so good and Angron keeps handing him squished things and that‘s weirdly cute… Vulkan: He is just so happy that they are all here. Buys everyone some icecream for dessert. He has brought his mothers extra spicy BBQ-sauce with him and puts it on everything. It is classified as a weapon of mass destruction by everyone not from Nocturne. Corvus: Has some food-related trauma (specifically the hadn‘t had emough as a kid) and so keeps eating pretty much everything handed to them. Evem tries Vulkans BBQ-Sauce, which does not end well. Vulkan buys them birdseed in exchange, which makes them very happy. Alpharius Omegon: Somehow got their hands on a McDonalds Happy Meal. Very happy to witness all the chaos

[justcallmesakira]

hihihihi AUGH i love ur work sm?!! omg if u can fyodor with a younger sister (she has the same level of intelligence of him and works in the doa and his organaization) who is dating dazai? :) I know there are some but i need crack and suggestive!!1

ty and er bye good luck take ur time!

"Fyodor with a sister dating Dazai''

Sypnosis: Your rat brother is anything but happy about the fact that you are dating his only enemy on earth! Good luck on surviving!!!

Genre: crack, suggestive at the end

Warnings: bombing, terrorizz, , mentions of maniupulative behaviour, mentions of verlaine, roblox radgoll, loads of simping words, me being down bad, making out (lol), your mom

A/N: my reqs are currently closed but ehhhh who cares lol also THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE HONESTLY- pls enjoy and reblog i tried my best--- *dies of mental ilness*

How bro-

JUST HOW DID U DO THAT W/O HIM BLASTING DAZAIS INTERNAL ORGANS? 🤯🤯🤯

No bcs fyodor did not even plan to let u meet dazai but ofcourse bcs of the dead apple tower and stuff and since then he had completly fallen inlove with you whether you are dostoevskys sister or not

He prob asked u to do a waltz with him in the mukokukokurokito or whatver the phuck that towers name was when you entered the castle with your brother

Fyodor WAS NOT happy because he saw the flirty glint in dazais eyes when u came

If looks cold kill-.. (KILL ME, RUSSIAN ZADD😍😍---)

And all you went was giggles and flirting back

Fyodor is prob gonna get his own medicine bcs they two are so like each other??? but he still couldnt believe how you with such high intelligence could fall for him???

(fyodor take your anemic medication first)

Dazai obv had some skeptics after you but like the manwhore he is and prob slept with the entierty of yokohama! ofc hes gonna court you as if you might not just use him!!!

Very (not) normal behaviour indeed!!

HELP YOU KNOW THAT ONE INDIAN RIZZLER VS. UWU CAT??? HES LITERLY THAT BUT

Dazai: "I fucked your sister she be screaming high pitch😈" fyodor: "What did you say, you little child i will crush your skull 😡😡😡should have known when i smile, I also play cello, i can be anything Уву"

that was UWU in russian btw-

But in all serious he will try maniupultaing you or gaslighting you into leaving dazai, he cant leave his only family to a man he does not trust! fyodor doesnt even trust himself-

fyodors gonna act a bit more colder then usual bcs of the fact HIS sister is dating someone and that someone is his enemy

Honeslty you go up to say chuuya whos like "why do i get deja vu-" *flashback to verlaine* you: "First time?"

But ofc since you are also extremely smart you somehow convinced him (after playing roblox radgoll with him for 8 hours) to let you atleast join date with dazai

I bet you rizzed up dazai by "He said his favourite colour was blue, so i blew him up😍💣"

*insert proud brother noises*

He speaks in russian or any slavic language whenever you three are in a gathering to mostly embarress dazai

I have seen some hcs on dazai being a collarbone biter so if you were off shoulder shirts and fyodor sees them by chance hes going to glare at you as if you are covered in mud :33

"Sister,,,what. is. that." *nasty side eye to the love bite on your neck*

Dazai 100% one time randomly pulled you into the alley and started aggresively making out with you with his hands literly sprawling all over your body like hes daddy long legs or sth-

Bcs HE KNEW that fyodor had cctv set in that part of the city and fyodor would be raging at the fact that the sluttiest man is touching his precious sister like that

bros gonna forgot abt human rights- oh wait hes russian

IF HE EVER CATCHES YOU TWO THO--

Like making out on some bed or sth hes actually no LIKE ACTUALLY GOING TO throw a whole ass cabinet at dazai with a face full of nothing but malice-

"How dare, an inhuman animal like you touch my very sister" "BRO CHILL I AM YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW--"

And your just trying to stop your brother from commiting murder even though that his hobby ^^

fyodor finally forgot he had anemia bcs now all his focus was to give dazai the most painful death know to the medieval period\

Good luck on stoping your brother from poking a fork in your lovers eye in family dinners!!

A/N: guys ik i am doing the valentines req pls be patient i am trying my best!! i have a relly bad mental health rn so yeahhh-

Divider crds!: @cafekitsune

tags! @silverbladexyz @biscuits-lovely-corner @riiwrites @heartsfourdazai @tojifile @atsquie @atlasnessie @chuuyasboner @yosanosboner @ruanais @darling--angst

[tnt-kokoo]

Kitty

pairings: Sae Itoshi x reader

summary: After a long training day, Sae only wanted to relax at home with his lover. Instead, he is met with a cat as his new 'kid'.

warnings: non, js fluff

masterlist

As the door opens, Sae closes his eyes and welcomes the warm and comfortable feeling of his shared home with his lover. The memories shared makes his aching muscles relax.

Sae, standing infront of the now closed door was waiting for his 'welcome home' hug but it just didn't came. It made him wonder what you were doing right now. Because after all the time spend with you, you know how much he loves his routine so you wouldn't DARE to change it.

As Sae got annoyed, he walked into the living room to see you giggling at something in your lap...

'what's so important???' that's what Sae thought to himself. As he walked closer he could hear small meows and purring coming from your lap. As he took a closer look he saw the intruder and made a mix of a disgusting and confused face as he cleared his throat to catch your attention.

"What. is. that?" he asked.

"A cat?" You replied not getting (or acting like you didn't understood) what he wanted to say.

"But why?? Get that cat our of my house" He said in a petty voice. "Why?? The cat is so cute and you cannot change my mind. I adopted him." You explained.

As an hour passes, Sae got comfortable next to you on the couch. He stared at the beast taking your attention away from him and with a pounting mouth, he choose to sigh really loud again and again, just to gain your attention.

"Is something wrong, Sae?" "I don't like that thing." He said in a childish way, it was kinda cute to see him like this but definitely a rare sight.

"Don't call my son a 'that' ???" the joke-ish way you said that made Sae nearly gag at the thought of THAT thing being your AND his son.

He couldn't believe it and left to shower. After that he went to the living room to see you gone, probably in your shared bedroom, and only seeing that fur monster of yours on the couch enjoying the warmth your place offers. As he sat donw again he looked at the sleeping beast and decided to not like it. Forever. He couldn't even make up the thought of him. HIM. being jealous because let's be for real, he is a famous, beautiful and talented man with a beautiful lover and a comforting and welcoming home. How could THE Sae Itoshi be jealous of a little rat looking thing. What does sit have that he doesn't.

Hours spend on the couch next to the carnivor made him forget how late it actually is. He could have spend the whole night next to it and you wouldn't notice probably..

That is, if you didn't wake up in the middle of the night to look for your lover only to find him holding and petting the cat you call your 'son'.

It truly made you happy. You just went back to the bedroom, letting him and the kitty enjoy their time.

____________________________________________

ᯓᝰ: Icl I was thinking of how my father hated that one cat and then befriended the cat instantly and let him even get inside our house 😭 (the cat was a complete stray)

also, jealous and petty Sae>>>>>

[serenewrote]

Controversially Young ~ Matt Smith x fem! actress smau

Synopsis: You were recently cast as Bruce Wayne's love interest, which everyone adores, Selina Kyle. The age gap though, has some in a tizzy.

Warning(s): sexist comments, big age gap

Rating(s): NC-17

Actress Y/n L/n Cast alongside Matt Smith in upcoming Batman Movie

Here's what you need to know about Zack Snyder’s new project...

~~~

y/nl/n

now wait just a meowment...

are you going to see Batman (2024)?

see comments

charliebushnell y/n we've talked abt this

↪️ y/nl/n I couldn't help ittttt

user420 still have no idea how they could subject you to this

↪️ user2 subject her to what

↪️ user420 working with someone twice her age

hater2 be honest... whose d*ck did you suck to get this role?

↪️ hater34 probably Matt's

~~~

y/nl/n

Press paws and live in the meow!

trash007 if I were Matt, I'd hit

↪️ trash006 same

user360 y'all are gross up in these comments

↪️ trash56 if she didn't want these comments, she wouldn’t have auditioned for CATWOMAN

↪️ trash001 the sexist dc character to exist

user49 I could never work with someone twice my age, I'd be scared

↪️ user86 y/n's worked with Matt before I think she knows how he is

batman2024 we love our bat and cat

leahsavajefferies as purr-ty as a picture

↪️ charliebushnell no! no puns

↪️ diorgoodjohn these puns are hissterical

↪️ y/nl/n lol

~~~

Y/n L/n talks Catwoman, DC, and new interests

by Young Hollywood

Interviewer: Hello Readers! Today I am joined by one of these most known young actresses of our generation, Y/n L/n! Thank you for being here.

Y/n: Thank you for inviting me. I love doing interviews.

Interviewer: So, how have you been?

Y/n: I've been good. Doing a lot of filming for Batman, catching up with old friends, trying to up my instagram game. I've gotten into videography, shooting mini vlogs and cooking videos.

Interviewer: Sounds fun! I love that! Is there any insight into the movie that you can give us?

Y/n: Sure! If any of you were wondering, this is going to be very different from any portrayal of Batman and Catwoman that you've seen or read. Obviously because Selina Kyle is a lot younger than Bruce in this adaptation which is a plot within itself. This Selina, and because she is younger, her story has changed, is a street rat or stray cat. She lives on the streets, and her story in this, is similar to that of her portrayal in the show, Gotham. She meets Bruce as she is trying pickpocket off him out in the open. Then, it goes from there.

Interviewer: Wow! That certainly is a must-watch. Now, I hate to get deep all of a sudden, but have you seen the comments regarding your casting?

Y/n: Yes, I have actually. A lot of them are for disgusting middle-aged men, so I don't really bother with them. I knew what I was getting into when I auditioned.

Interviews: You also get to work with Matt Smith again. Did you know that he was casted as Bruce or did you find out after you got the call?

Y/n: You know what's funny? Zack told me that Matt told him not to tell me. So, I didn't know until our table read!

Interviewer: Oh my god! What?!

Y/n: Yeah! And I hadn't seen him in so long that I almost jumped across the table to hug him.

Interviews: Aw!

Y/n: A lot of people also would say that they felt bad for me because I'm the love interest to someone twice my age, but I've known Matt for a long time. He worked with my father in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I played young Rhaena in House of the Dragon. He's a family friend, a beloved friend. I trust him.

Y/n: I understand the public's concerns though. I did just turn 24 earlier this year. The age gap is big, but it is strictly for storytelling purposes.

Interviews: There you have it. I loved talking with you today.

Y/n: I always look forward to interviews with you. Big fan.

Interviewer: Big fan of you too! Any last words?

Y/n: Go see Batman in theaters near you coming this December!

fin.

I tried my best.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Recently, through Twitter, I have become aware of the fact that modern American parents have been very ignorant of their parental duties when it comes to their children. Parents are banding together to complain about the schools their children attend because their kids are getting bad grades in class, or they're getting detentions for doing bad consistently, or they're being held back because they're just not at the same level as their peers.

There was an entire thread of some woman whining about how the school was failing her kid, because his English class grade was so bad. There were thousands of comments agreeing and various reposts with anecdotes from other parents with similar experiences.

"My 26 y/o son can't even write a check for God's sake!"

And one single person finally replied with, "Do you guys not teach your kids anything at home before they start going to school?" Which then spawned people with actual common sense questioning the level of involvement these people had in the lives of their kids.

This is what led to a large surge of people complaining about how it's the school's job to teach them everything and they did their job just keeping them alive.

Now, I don't want to be mean, but it's gonna come across that way.

Parents are lazy these days.

When I was a child, my Nana and mom had me learning with Hooked on Phonics before I entered pre-K. I was 3 years old and already sounding out words that rhymed. I was practicing how quickly I could say them in under 30 seconds so I could progress to the next lesson.

mat hat sat that cat vat pat bat fat lat rat brat

etc...

When I was in pre-K(4 years old), they had a single, really old computer that had a bunch of Winnie the Pooh CD-ROM games. Because I always got my work done faster than everybody else, they let me use the computer because I could actually read and follow Pooh's instructions, and it kept me busy.

And when I entered kindergarten for the first time, I was really surprised to see that Hooked on Phonics was actually part of my curriculum and I was already very well ahead of everyone else. My mom and Nana took traching me very seriously. They not only read to me, but they would also get me Madeline books and cassette tapes from the children's library downtown. And then I would listen to the cassettes telling the story while reading the book at the same time to get used to the words.

At three years old, I was helping out in the kitchen, learning all of the different kitchen utensils and types of measurement. My mom often went between English, French and American Sign Language at random times so I picked up a lot of stuff that way. We never had a computer in the house for the first 12 years of my life, but I did have an old keyboard to learn how to type. Nana gave me basic piano lessons for a couple years. Mom taught me how to hem my clothes because she would buy me bigger clothes, hem them to size, and then let them out as I grew. Hell, Sperm Donor taught me how to write a check when I was 8. He was also a Financial Adviser, so I got a lot of lessons on money management, investments, and 401Ks and shit.

All these incredibly simple things ended up benefiting me later on, because I was so far ahead of all of the other students that it consistently put me at odds with them. I was better at reading, cooking, sewing, music, languages, etc... I was allowed time to do whatever I wanted while the rest of them had to catch up.

There is a lot more to being a parent than just making sure your kid eats three meals a day and doesn't die in a stupid way. And it seems like a lot of parents these days have completely forgotten that they have a duty to their kids beyond the feeding and clothing thing.

Certain things SHOULD be taught in schools, like how to balance a checkbook. But if it's clear that the school won't cover it, why aren't YOU doing something about that? And why do so many parents have no clue what the hell their kids are even getting up to in school? Why don't y'all get involved in your kid's lives?

[moonshinemusings]

Random TF 141 + friends headcanons (Pt.2)

Warnings: none

• Soap makes amazing pancakes. There are many videos of him trying to flip them over and failing, but that's not the point-

• Speaking of, Farah has so many vids that can be used as blackmail. She can never catch Price or Ghost doing something dumb enough for it, but the others are unfortunate victims

• König loves butterflies. Most bugs freak him out, but he finds them beautiful and peaceful. At the same time he loves bees, he really does, but he's really scared of being stung (even though it has never happened before)

• Roach, being true to his name, finds bugs really fascinating. He owns at least one metal pin of a roach that's for sure. The others also often gift him little things resembling insects

• Alejandro and Rodolfo used to sit on the roof and watch the stars together a lot as kids

• Gaz really likes swimming, especially when he can do it in the sea

• The team has UNO nights where the table ends up flipped over regularly (usually by Alejandro)

• Soap shouldn't be taken to the cinema because he talks through the movies. All. The. Time.

• Farah is really clumsy in heels since she never needed to learn how to walk in them. She'd rather die than try though. Meanwhile, Valeria could run and kill a man without ever worrying about falling or breaking her ankles

• And honestly? I think Gaz would rock the heels too, if only after a little practice

• Ghost finds sharks fascinating, especially the aspect of how many people are scared of them when they are mostly harmless

• Soap, Gaz and Alex really enjoy the Deadpool movies, they often quote lines at each other

• Graves is a Backstreet Boys enjoyer (honestly can't blame him)

• Rodolfo adores those little, fluffy white dogs that look like rats whenever they are bathed

• Put Soap in a dance circle and he's going to make a fool out of himself, but somehow slay at the same time

• Alex likes drawing tattoo ideas that he wants to get later, or simply just feel like making. Doodling calms him

• Farah takes zero shit (like Gaz), so when there is a banter with someone it can quickly turn into a heated argument or some firm words from her

• Price is a certified McDonald's hater. Calls it fake food and complains about the quality and taste constantly

• Ghost likes horror movies and laughs at them, but only when they don't have some specific scenes (I don't think I have to elaborate)

• Soap has random shit on him all the time. Once he pulled out a lollipop from his vest and started eating it on the heli towards a mission

• Most of the team plays Hay Day. They are on each other's friend lists, but Rodolfo is the only one who actually helps the others

• Alejandro builds his farm like he would in real life and tries to make it realistic, while Rudy does the same. He cares more about the cute animals though, he probably has like 10 dogs and cats

• Gaz tried to get Price to play, but he cut his whole career short because the Captain started to get obsessed and wouldn't put the phone down

• Soap always brags about how good his farm is, meanwhile Ghost quietly sits in the background with like +30 levels on him. He often plays when he can't sleep so he's ahead of everyone

• Alex and Farah kind of bond over the game, they have one shared account because neither of them spend too much time playing. They often have childish arguments over things like where they should put certain decorations, but always end up finding a compromise (Alex lets her get away with a lot in this sense)

[meepwrites]

I feel like there is a distinct lack of the marauders just, being idiots while at Hogwarts because god help me they were definitely idiots.

Like, they absolutely tried to hide under the marauders map once when it was just hitting past curfew because it was Sirius’s turn to bring the cloak and he forgot the cloak.

And Remus and James were arguing with him because “Dude !” and he got pissed, took the closest object - the map - and exclaimed ‘We can use this !’

This stupidity stunned all of them so much that there was just silent for a solid beat drop until-

Lupin collects the groups braincells,

“We can barely all fit under the cloak at this point you think THAT will hide us, which one of us can eve-“

Peter transforms into Wormtail and goes “squeak squeak !”

and Sirius bursts out laughing so loud remus has to be like “Shut up !”

and he’s like “BUT HE- he- AHAHA.”

and James just, takes the map from moony and throws it at peter and points and Remus is like “Okay fucking point taken one of us can but I want to see you try it James.”

James looks back at Remus like “Touché.” and Remus just snatches the map back from pete like “Turn back wormtail you can’t even move with the map on you.”

and Peter does but then he’s like “actually I do think I have a better chance of getting away like that.” and remus is like “Dude, Mrs.Norris.”

and Peter blanches, remus holds all the braincells truly.

And then after a few more moments of silence,

Sirius is the one who puts up his hand at last and is like

“Do we solemnly agree to fucking bolt back to gryffindor tower.”

And Remus looking frantically at the map and the approaching teachers just growls and goes

“Yeh-“ and in surprise to all of them, fucking takes off immediately around the corner, skidding back to call

“LAST ONE OF YOU THERE GETS DETENTION.”

James catches him saying “god I hope it’s Sirius.’ before he really picks up his sprint again - they all know Moony needs the head start - and sirius is shock rooted onto the spot like “HEY-“

and pete is like “oh no oh no oh no-“

and James is already leaving them like “LATER LOSERS.”

And whoever around the corner, filch or snape if he was a prefect who knows just barely catches sight of Sirius’s face and a pet rat at his feet (Peter has a terrible habit of unwillingly transforming when he gets scared.) before Sirius snatched up the rat and turned running around the corner too, shouting insults and making little squeaky noises respectively.

Aside from the head start, the only reason Remus made it back first AND without anyone seeing is because he took the map, the cheeky boy.

The rest of them were jumping in and out of turns and secret passageways trying to avoid the horrors that are Mister Filch and his cat and several house prefects.

James (to later go with his story when he inevitably ended up in detention)

DID actually run head first into Lily who he swerved around and ran backwards (knocking into a random suit of armour) winking at her “HEY EVANS !”

Regulus fellow prefect got to witness this because he was just going after Evans and James just NEARLY missed bumping directly into him,

Regulus was just blinking and siddling up to Lily murmuring “what was that about.” before Sirius sprinted past him, shouting “OH MY GOSH REGULUS !! I FORGOT YOU GOT A BADGE GOOD LUCK.” and Regukus was just like “and there goes my idiot brother.”

Lily didn’t even look at him to be able to say “Yes this is normal, no they’re not usually screaming and running for their lives but I am surprised about that now this seems fitting.” that was the first time she heard Regulus’s enchanting little chime of a laugh and it made her smile, they continued on their way chatting and wondering where exactly Remus had gotten to.

ALSO HAH,

Regulus is like

“Was my brother carrying a pet rat.

I don’t recall mothe- oh who am I kidding mother would never get him or I a pet rat.”

And Lily is just like

“Oh yeh ! I’ve seen that a couple of times with each of them, I really don’t know where they keep him, they each have an owl, or well I think Pettigrew might have a toad but not a rat.”

they chalk it up as one of those marauder mysteries until they learn abt their animagi forms at which point both Lily and Regukus look at each other and point at Peter like “THE MYSTERY RAT.”

Anyways I bet you 5 galleons Sirius tripped James up btw that’s how he out run him.

OR ACCIOD HIS GLASSES, shouting “SORRY MATE I WILL GIVE THEM BACK.”

and James was like

“??? SIRIUS YOU LITTLE-“

He loves James.

he was however not about to be put into detention by his to be boyfriend screw him.

Remus literally had to go back to collect James bcs bitch can’t see anything and he had to be like “Er no I am not taking back what I said but I am sorry I have to put you into detention with Mcgonagall, better luck next time Prongs.”

Some up late 6th years didn’t even bat an eye anymore when Remus stumbled into the common room supporting James on his shoulder.

Anyway James gets detention, Remus begins to learn the skills of bullshitting with a straight face because Mcgonagall looked him straight in the eye when he brought James to be given said detention and went :

“So you are telling me only Mr. Potter snuck out last night?" "Yes professor." "And none of you accompanied him, and you even gave him detention?" “Uh- yes professor, that is exactly what I did.”

Mcgonagall is pushing her glasses up like

“How odd.”

Remus is sweating like ‘Shite-‘

The only reason Remus even made it out of her class is BECAUSE the one he got in detention was James.

Sirius would gladly drag any of his friends down with him into detention if he could, even Moony.

But James ?

troublemaker as he maybe he’s a bros dude and his greatest strength lies in his love for his friends so the moment he sees Moony flush red in embarrassment under Mcgonagall’s gaze is the moment he immediately, without hesitation decides to lie, voice clear

“No he’s telling the truth professor !”

“Oh ?”

“I was out alone, I was trying to catch a sight of Lily Evans you see, they do prefect duties together.”

He presses on, ignoring Moony’s astonished stare on the back of his head.

“So I thought Remus would do me a favour and help me out but, as you can see, he put his prefect duties above his friendship to me and put me into detention.

Just as you would have wanted him to Professor, so don’t question him.”

And if you imagine James as head boy then this is definitely one of the key moments that lands Mcgonagall choosing him as head boy.

Because he’s lying through his teeth, she knows it but he’s doing it for a friend and it’s the first time she witnessed Mr.Potter in such a light so the moment stuck.

Anyways to round this silliness off :

Sirius makes fun of Remus the moment he’s out of her class and Remus seeing his stupid grin is like “Not a word !!” “awee but Moony aren’t you doing such a good job *silly voice* putting us in our places at long last, Dumbledore would be proud.”

Moony’s just muttering under his fingers, exasperated like “If you don’t shut up Sirius I will put you in your place.” He doesn’t realise that Sirius stopped walking and he nearly walks into a first year by consequences “what ?” “What.”

Teehee.

[ithinkabouttzu]

hello!

can i request a bob headcannon about the gn!reader having a cat that doesn't like the boys :)? feel free to skip this if you don't feel like writing it!

Easy co. reacting to their s/o having a cat that doesn’t like them!

a/n: Thank you for request love! i hope you enjoy!! 💗

genre: fluff!

warnings: swearing, a little jealousy?

description: Some of men from Easy reacting to their gn s/o having a cat that doesn’t like them!

taglist: @executethyself35 @linhkhanhcps @1waveshortofashipwreck @grumpy-liebgott @barbeygirl @samwinchesterslostshoe @ronsenthal @sweetxvanixlla @mstiemountainhop (If you want to be on this list, let me know!! :))

BoB masterlist

Dick Winters: Every time he’s at your place, he would just simply try to avoid your cat as much as possible. Like knowing that your cat doesn’t like him one bit, he’s not going to try and make friends with the little guy/girl. Maybe every once and while he’d buy your pet toys or treats for special occasions.

Lewis Nixon: It’s kinda pathetic how desperate he is to make your cat like him. Not because he likes cats a whole lot or anything but mostly because he wants to impress you. I could def see him whispering to your cat while you’re out of the room like, “hey you little fucker, why don’t you like me, huh?” He makes sure to get them a custom-made vat 69 chew toy.

Carwood Lipton: “Hey, you don’t have to be scared.” Unlike Winters he IS going to try and make friends with the little critter even after it’s been made clear that they don’t like him one bit lol. Everytime that he is over at your place he always greets your cat and immediately gets rejected by a hiss lol. He would sweetly talk to them when you’re sleeping like, “Your parent is the best person I know, you be good to them alright?”

Joe Toye: The feeling is surely mutual. You would probably think the feud between them two is hilarious. Like if your cat gives Joe that side eye look (that one all cats give) you better believe Joe is giving one right back to them. “Something is wrong with your cat, I think he/she’s plotting something evil.”

Joe Liebgott: He tries a good bit to be friends with your cat at first, but after a while he just learns to keep his distance after a good scratch on his arm. Even after that though you will always see Joe coming back to your place with treats, food, or toys. “I know you like me. You’re just trying to put up a front cuz’ i’m with your parent.”

Bill Guarnere: He has SERIOUS beef with your cat. Like the moment your cat even GLANCES at him he’s gonna say some dumb shit like, “Babe get your cat before he catches these hands” Lmaoo he’d never actually hurt your cat but he talks a big game to them alllll the time. Bill and your cat “act” like they don't like each other but then you’d see them secretly cuddling while you’re not paying attention.

George Luz: He’s kinda like Lip, willingly trying to play with your cat when they are just OVER it. Whenever the cat and him are alone it literally looks like the cat is babysitting Luz lmao. He would buy your cat a bunch of little fake rats and feather toys in hopes they would play with him. “Oh c’monn! You can’t act like you hate me forever!”

Bull Randleman: He’s gonna stay as far from the cat as possible. In all honesty, and he probably wouldn’t say this to you because he wouldn’t want you to get mad, but he HATES cats. 1. Because he’s allergic, 2. Because they’re always grumpy (In his words not mine.) He might pet cat a few times but that's about it.

Eugene Roe: “Don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you I promise.” He’s so patient with your cat, it’s so freaking sweet. He doesn’t want to make your cat nervous or uncomfortable so he wouldn’t try pushing to play with him/her especially knowing that they don’t like him.

Floyd Talbert: He’s definitely gonna sit there and bribe your cat with treats for sure. Also saying shit like “You gotta start liking me someday, i’m gonna be your new dad soon” LMFAO. I have a feeling he would get oddly jealous over your cat if you were cuddling them and not him. “If you kiss them, you gotta kiss me too, yk?”

Skip muck: When you warn him that your cat isn’t very friendly and might get territorial his exact words are, “No way! I’m amazing with animals, practically a cat whisperer.” Pan to him a couple hours later keeping a three feet distance from your cat because it bit the shit out of his ankle and now he’s genuinely afraid of your cat. Let’s just say he’d keep his distance after that.

Don Malarkey: He would try being as friendly as possible with your cat (despite him being a very big dog person) at first, but once he realizes how much your cat actually hates him he gets kind of offended not gonna lie. “Honey, I’ve done almost everything to socialize with them, am I doing something wrong?”

Babe Heffron: He sneezes every time he’s around your cat soo much and he swears to you that he isn’t allergic. The beef all starts when he starts sneezing super hard around your place and it scares the fuck out of your cat. He doesn’t mean to antagonize them, but it just comes off that way with the loud ass sneezes, will buy a couple toys for them tho.

Shifty Powers: This man is the actual male version of snow white, so when you tell him your cat is a bit reactive and probably won’t like him he understands, but at the same time when he meets your cat he’s going to spend the rest of his night trying to get them to like him. (And it obviously works somehow because he’s an animal whisperer.)

Frank Perconte: “If that cat bites me or claws me, I'm swingin’.” Right from the moment he meets your cat he’s giving them the dirtiest looks EVER. Sometimes he feels like he’s definitely fighting for your attention whenever the cat is around. He might act like he’s your cat's biggest hater but in all honesty he loves them to death.

Ronald Speirs: He is ODDLY quiet around the cat. The only way I can describe the relationship is Brennan and Dale from Stepbrothers. They love each other, can't stand each other, but are also seen being together all the time? Both him and the cat will act like they don’t like eachother but they do.

Johnny Martin: He’s very willing to push for a relationship with your cat, even if they absolutely hate him. Mostly to make you happy and comfortable with them two being around each other. Whenever the cat hisses at him he loves to say that “they’re just warming up to me.” And it’s literally been 5 months LMAO.

Skinny Sisk: “Aw, aren’t you a little cutie?” The hate is so one-sided it’s horrible. He will desperately try to hangout with your cat while they actually want to bite his eyes out. “Here, let me feed them, maybe they’ll like me more if I do it.” Sweet baby is COMMITTED to making your cat like him.

Chuck Grant: Whenever he is at your place and sees your cat, he acts simply invisible. His reasoning is, if he acts like he isn't there then he practically is. He won’t go as far as to even look your cat in the eye. He might pet them once or twice but other than that he likes to keep his distance.

David Webster: He probably wants to read you an article on reactive cats and the proper way to fix the aggression coming from them of course. He wants to make sure your cat doesn't hate him for long. He would try playing a lot of calming music for animals and stuff like that when they are hanging out.

Buck Compton: He’s probably going to go out of his way to buy your cat all kinds of stuff like toys and treats but as far as interacting goes he doesn’t like to be around them for too long (especially when you aren’t there with him too lmao) he’s scared of your cat but definitely won’t admit that to you haha.

Again, thank you for requesting! If you enjoyed, make sure to like or reblog!! 💗