#get into this type of discourse scares the shit out of me

[hey-i-am-trying]

I have to say that the wave of hating on Vi is annoying and the wave of hating on people that have any negative feelings with the character is equally annoying. [this is more about twitter type of discourse but I will not go there to have this conversation]

I think the whole point of Arcane Season 1 was that we cannot take out the big picture out of what it seems to be individual choices and at the same we see the choices of individuals affecting the collective lives of those around them. So when we try to divide people by simply "good" or "bad" we assume a inherited value of those people without taking into account the context and history that afffects these people.

Piltover murdering hundreds of thousands of Zaun people is an unfortunatly tragedy. Jinx killing the Council is terrorism. Ekko trying to protect his people from both enforcers and drug lords is terrorism.

When Zaun wants revenge, it is murder. When Piltover wants revenge, it is justice.

Vi, someone from Zaun, someone that lost so many for the actions of enforcers wearing their uniforms has an impact, she has position herself on Piltover side, what she is going to do with that position might matter, she might do good, she might tell herself she is doing good but she is inevitebly feeding the machine that harmed her own people. Doing justice for Zaun in an enforcer clothes is a symbol that she believes on Piltover's vision of what justice looks. It doesn't metter if it is true or not, it is the message that uniform sends.

I am by no means saying Vi is the devil, that she doesn't care for Zaun, for Jinx, or Ekko, or anybody else on the undercity, what I am saying is that looking at a bigger picture her actions have consequences for other people. I can't wait to see on Season 2 what was her rational for choosing this, what her goals are. I was talking about the broad scale before but I would like to zoom on her thoughts and feelings when Season 2 get here. I know the jokes about "she got the fuck the cops wrong" are funny but I don't believe Vi would do that just for Caitlyn, even though I think Vi would be more inclined to join with Caitlyn in a leadership position I don't think it would be the only reason.

[But anyway, I just will rant for this last part. because that is kinda tiring. I know it is upsetting when people boil down your fav chracter to the point of losing the entire point of their arc, but at some point you got also to understand that people are allow to have negative reactions to a fictional character. When we ask for more nuances in discourse, we should be willing to accept that having nuance doesn't mean to have a positive opinion about every charcater in the show. It came to the point that people are not even allow to joke about Vi becoming a cop that there are people whining about it on twitter. Not everybody is your enemy, people can joke about the fictional cop being a cop. I am also tired of people saying that Arcane fans need to know League of Legends lore. The show is a story that can and should be told alone, just because someone is a fan of the show doesn't mean they need to have knowledge about the game lore. Like, yeah, I know shit abou LOL lore and still knew Vi would become an enforcer, but some people just watch the show and don't go after knowing more about the game lore and that is actually fine, and those fans feelings about the characters are not lesser because of that]

That being said:

"Quando a educação não é libertadora, o sonho do oprimido é ser o opressor" - Paulo Freire

"When education is not for freedom, the dream of the oppressed is to be the oppressor"

[mazzystar24]

I hope I can ask you this because I don't want to ask in the tags, I'm scared 🥹 but I've seen a lot of discourse about why tommy isn't good for buck, he's cold, the relationship is toxic etc and I was wondering why people think that? Is there anything specific that started it?

I fully believe eddie is buck's true love, endgame, whatever we want to call it and I'm sad we don't have that (yet) but I thought bucktommy was kinda fun in the meantime. I just want to understand 🫶🏻

Oh hey darling! you were so sweet and genuine in your response so please know I’m just answering what I’m asked and if you wanna enjoy and have fun with bt that is completely your prerogative but I’m just offering my perspective on it

And i am warning you this is gonna be long because I feel a constant need to go really in depth in my thoughts

Okay so idk how I’m gonna break this down but maybe I’ll do it in like main points?

Also if you’re new here whenever I use bullet points I’m just doing it cos I find it easier to chunk up my thoughts not cos I’m being curt or anything with you

1. The chimney and hen begins episodes

He wasnt just passive in the episodes and letting Gerard get away with his racist and misogynistic behaviour he ACTIVELY participated in it

This includes:

• Asking if they forgot to tip the delivery guy WHILE THEY WERE EATING CHINESE FOOD when chimney first comes up despite the fact that 1. Chimney had a big ass lafd bag 2. They were probably already told a probie would be coming 3. Probably would’ve seen the actual delivery guy 4. I would bet my absolute life that question would not have been asked if buck or bobby had walked up those stairs this wasn’t an innocent comment it WAS RACIST intentionally like the entire point of the episode was to show how bad they had it

• the New York bitchiness comment

• throwing his tools down along for hen to clean up

• going out of his way to treat them like outcasts and hating chimney before he even knew him despite chimneys efforts

• the way each of them had to “earn his respect” in some way before he acted like a normal coworker to them and this was never in the typical ‘oh it’s a new person’ type of way it always had to do with their race or in hen’s case her gender too

A defence I see a lot for this is “oh he was closeted” and honestly to me that is such bullshit because 1. Eli was perfectly capable of not participating in the racism and taking chimney under his wing without getting any shit for it and chimney is quite literally a Korean man (something he literally can’t hide) and he had just got his head above water with Gerard’s racism when hen came and he STILL was a friend to her 2. Again tommy wasn’t passive in it and just letting Gerrard be racist (which would’ve been one thing) no he actively participated in it to be part of the boys club 3. Let’s say that somehow not being a dick would’ve meant that that was a threat to the closet he was in- that is still in my opinion a fucked up sense of preservation if you spare yourself the possibility of bigotry (despite having inherent social capital by being a white man in that job) by inflicting others to bigotry

Now when Tommy was first reintroduced I was like keeping an open mind and saying okay it’s been a lot of time and maybe he has genuinely made amends because I do believe in redemption but imo they have made no attempt to show us that and had him honestly put more of the blame on Gerrard for his behaviour or the writers flat out avoiding mentioning it to retcon tommy a little and hope we forget

Another defence I see is “oh chimney and hen became friends with him so they must’ve forgave him”, hen went no contact the moment he left (something the writers went out of their way to include that line) and chimney didn’t even invite him to his wedding which was quite big after the Buckley parents got involved so it’s not like it was cos it was such a small and intimate wedding and he only called him as far as we know in those years when he needed a favor, which all means that most likely they had kinda just put it behind them and kept up a coworker relationship with him, but no actual friendship or actual forgiveness or redemption had taken place

Oh wow all that was just point one and I can probably talk more on it but I’ll just leave it with saying that Lou’s comments about it being teasing or how Tommy genuinely didn’t know hen or chimney were capable etc just makes for a worse case than saying it’s cos of being in the closet (and that is genuinely a large part of why idk much abt Lou but those comments are enough to make me hate him) and I’ll also say that poc (myself included in that) have these situations so often- situations even as specific as gay men being racist to them to fit in - and we understand the nuance and shit to it but we also understand on a deep level how it feels to be on the other side of that

And getting toxic bt fans try to come up with ways to downplay or minimise racism honestly pisses me off so much cos believe you me we have heard every excuse and downplay under the sun and I for one am sick and tired of it

2. Why he’s viewed as cold and his jokes

• literally from the small parts we saw of him and Eddie hanging out we have seen the man is in fact capable of joking and being light and having fun but around buck in particular he’s like 🧍‍♂️😐 and the occasional 🙂 like it just feels very stiff and just plain in a way

• his humour consistently falls flat and feels passive aggressive more than anything like blunt or sardonic humour DOES work like I personally love it but it’s not being written OR executed right

A. It’s always in response to genuine moments or questions such as buck talking abt the award or the daddy kink joke or henren questioning him

B. It’s the the majority of what we see from him, there is not enough balance for it

C. Lack of rapport, when friends or couples make jokes that can come off the wrong way if said to anyone else it’s cos of the rapport built already, this rapport is not established with the characters OR with the audience for these jokes to come off right

D. I gotta say this one too but the execution just isn’t right from writing to acting, it’s the same reason sardonic humour lines from Sandra oh as Cristina Yang or hugh Laurie as house still lets you like the characters and find them funny but Tommys lines come off as annoying to a lot of people

3. I think fandom discourse probably has something to do with it but not in the way you think

I’m not saying like oh ppl who ship buddie just hate him cos of the ship no I’m saying that like what takes him from an annoying disliked character to a hated character is most likely the fact that his role stirred so much drama and caused so much damage to how the fandom used to be that its turned the dial up

4. A lot of his development, lore or redeemable factors or cute things are just not canon

This may be blunt and I am sorry for that but I think his character has been blown up to such a degree that it’s genuinely shocking

Like I look at posts or get sent hate and I’m like where did any of this happen this is just not canon this is just not a show like at times I’m genuinely convinced it’s a social experiment where different ppl saw a different show like some spiderman multiverse situation

Listen I’m all for headcanons genuinely like if you wanna take extra number three and make a whole backstory and lore and cute stuff abt her I’m all for it but it’s when it’s said as if it’s fact or canon that I’m like hold up a second rewind

I think this is kinda a result of Lou’s cameos (which honestly deserves its own post but you asked why the tommy hate so imma stay on topic) and also this like need to defend the character but not having much material to work with

Like if we look at canon we can literally break down the entirety of Tommys appearances this far in the show and what we learn about him:

• chimney begins- he makes a racist comment and he tries to suck up to Gerard, there is a little hint abt his gayness with the gf comment, Eli says to chimney that’s just how they are and tries to reason it could be fear of losing friends but we see tommy having friends in the firehouse while eli says this, chimney tries to make friends with him and tommy makes no attempt to get to know him and says he’d hate him anyways, chimney saves Tommys life thus earning his respect

• hen begins- she’s met with the same racism chimney is but also met with misogyny (and homophobia but that’s not relevant to the tommy of it all), we find out chimney is still isolated from the rest despite having earnt that respect, chimney befriends hen and again tommy still doesn’t try anything like that until hen proves herself and earns his respect, ppl reported Gerard but it’s never actually stated tommy was one of those ppl so again that’s not canon that’s speculated

• bobby begins- chimney and hen both seem to be like coworker friends with tommy and Sal, Sal throws hissy fit bobby “fires” him tommy says it’s an overreaction bobby reveals it was a transfer, they all seem to make nice, tommy leaves to 217

• chimney calls tommy for help and tommy helps

• we see nothing from tommy,then cruise ship he helps the team but also in this we find out hen cut off all contact since he left

• buck takes tour of harbour, Eddie and tommy have a friendship and we find out some of Tommys interests and that he was in the army, basketball scene and the subsequent apology and kiss

• dinner date, Tommy explains how he was in the closet, Buck has his little awkward moment (which will be elaborated on in my next point) , Tommy says nothing abt it till the Uber arrives and he leaves buck

• buck reaches out and apologises and asks for a second chance inviting tommy to the madney wedding

• bachelor party and the issue of the lack of costume and not just taking the day off for neither wedding nor bachelor party (which you can reason is reasonable but also I feel like this deserves its point for the narrative choices)

• tommy shows up straight outta work they kiss buck has the soot coming out award ceremony - buck being happy abt the reward to which tommy sardonically says enjoy it while it lasts enter bigoted cunt gerard then chimney comes and insults gerard and they walk away

• we don’t see tommy again till the dinner date after Bobby nearly died and when buck tries to explain Bobbys significance to his life tommy throws the your dad is still alive which is just honestly one of his worst moments imo and I made a whole post abt it but can’t find it and then we all know the rest of that convo and I could make a bullet point for it but actually I made a whole post before so I’ll link it: here

AND THATS IT

Like all this comes down to what maybe like 30 mins screentime? If that?

5. The leaving buck on their first date

The defences people use for this are:

• buck was trying to shove him back in the closet

• buck was obviously not ready

• people angry abt this are just babying buck like he can find his own way home it’s not that big of a deal

• buck was at fault there and tommy would’ve been justified in being angry and not giving him a second chance

And honestly every last one of these are bullshit imo and lemme go point by point

• buck panicked, I don’t think that what buck was feeling in that moment can be properly described because unless you’re a queer person and you’ve experienced that like bone deep panic that like brain overload then you won’t get it

Like one it’s his first queer date

Two he doesn’t even understand his own sexuality atp

Three his closest friend just walked in in a situation that’s already putting him on edge

So he’s not only panicking he’s not understanding why he’s panicking he’s trying to make excuses eventhough part of him knows he doesn’t need one but also he doesn’t even understand this side of himself yet so he doesn’t want to have to potentially explain it

Like it’s a million things and a million emotions and no one can claim they would behave rationally or appropriately in that situation and if you say that you would you’re lying simple as that

Also then we find out that Eddie thought tommy was straight anyways

• the reason I love the buddie coming out scene is because of Eddie’s “and what do you think” line because it’s not up to tommy or anyone else whether a person is “ready” enough in their queerness to date. Full stop.

Also tommy knew it was Buck’s first date with a man and was still down so why is he using that as some sort of out

•it’s not about babying buck and it’s not about him finding his own way home it’s the fact that Tommy could’ve done it with much more grace and he could’ve been a lot nicer with it but he wasn’t, and this is again bucks first date with a man even if it doesn’t end with a second date it should at the very least not end up with him feeling like a screw up on the side of the road

• to the ppl who say that- kindly shut up cos again see the first point but also I wanna point out that somehow the ppl saying this are also the same ones saying that Tommy was justified to be RACIST for a prolonged period of time due to being in the closet yet Buck what? Panicking for a few seconds and being a little awkward? is somehow this giant inexcusable thing

5. The narrative choices with him have been reasonably clear and tbh if they had been made with a woman it would not be up for debate:

• tommy leaves buck on their first date then he comes back and gives buck a chance- we as a fandom have been unanimous in saying for years that Buck’s endgame would be the one that doesn’t leave him cos this pattern has been something we saw over and over with him

• tommy not dressing up- again you can rationalise it but it’s a narrative choice and it’s glaring when contrasted with Eddie suggesting the duo costume

And if we had this scene with Taylor so many ppl would be saying that it’s once again showing that her and Buck’s personalities don’t align

• him being on standby for the wedding and bachelor party- again you can say oh buck invited him last minute or oh he couldn’t taken the day off (which lbr he could’ve he’s not the only firefighter pilot in la) - but again narrative choice

If it was Taylor everyone would’ve been like SEE? Again they’re showing the audience that her work is this looming presence in their relationship

Anyway I’m gonna shut up now cos this is A LOT

I’m so sorry it took me so long to respond tho and sending flowers in apology💐💐💐💐💐💐

Love ya for being so genuine when asking and hope all this didn’t come off too strong and that it was idk helpful?🫶🫶

I realise my response is abt to have toxic bt fans scurry to my inbox like rats to send hate and to that I say go fuck yourselves I’m responding to a question here

[ggukkieisintominnie]

This will get me into shit BUT WHATEVER 🙄

I find it funny that ARMYs can sit and Kiki about Namjoon's "toxic male ex" but turn around to call Jimin and Jungkook brothers and us who support them delusional. Like the fuck...

Here is this ARMY doing what we "Jokers" are dubbed to do which is speculating Jimin and Jungkook's relationship being more than platonic. However while we get comments about being jokes and crazy...

... They get this as response. The double standards in this fandom I can't 🙄. Like not only that but the engagement is crazy as well for something that has no valuable prove whatsoever.

Here is another tagging the ex who apparently is known as "emoji guy".

Oh my... sharing or wearing the same shirt allows for ARMYs to conclude that Namjoon is indeed in a gay relationship so why is it when we do the same for Jimin and Jungkook; we are considered delusional.

Jikook has done more than just sharing the same shirt. Jimin went to bed in Jungkook's sweater which the other wore the whole day while carrying out his schedules for the day. But they are the ones boxed as brothers.

ARMYs are insufferable. They legit chose which members in the band are allowed to be suspected as Queer and who are not. Suspecting Jimin and Jungkook to be Queer in this fandom means you have to be skinned alive but hey Namjoon bi king, go off tongue technology Min Yoongi and bisexual icon Jung Hoseok I guess.

It a shame really especially for someone who has showed so much of their identity like Park Jimin to be shunned to heterosexuality because the fandom has such a mindset. Or just because accepting Jimin for anything but straight acknowledges that Jimin's relationship to Jungkook can actually be more than just platonic. Everything Jimin has done from ID: Chaos to Face means nothing to ARMY because they rather sit down and fascinate over the girl in the like crazy MV and the she/her lyrics to songs he has no writing credits on.

ARMYs will never change. It too late to change their backwards views but atleast they should not show up in Jikook spaces and spam with "they are brothers." "I do this with my sibling." comments. Are You Sure wasn't catered for the likes of those who will watch Jimin and Jungkook's relationship and just immediately cast them aside as platonic brothers without seeing and comprehending the beautiful bond they have. And hyping those who are claiming the travel vlog as shippers content.

No they do not have to believe that Jimin and Jungkook are in a love relationship but they also don't have the right to label their relationship as brothers because apparently ARMYs have proclaimed themselves as "who can be queer" police. ARMYs should watch Are You Sure and leave it at that if they don't have anything other than a stupid or an incestuous comment on it.

Like how is Jungkook slapping Jimin's booty something you do with your sibling? How is Jungkook's intense gaze on Jimin's sleeping form reminding you of how your father looks at you when you sleep? How the fuck are those takes normal?

This discourse can go on longer on how they are obsessed with the "rapper girlfriend" trope when it comes to Jungkook's relationship with Namjoon but I decided not to. But the truth of the matter is... ARMYs are annoying. If you are a Taekook, Namjin, Vmin or a Yoonmin shipper you deserve flowers and praise on your comment section but if you are a Jikooker you deserve a spam of "You are delusional" type of comments on your post.

I'm glad Jikook scares them so much. It feeds my soul. And it makes me believe in them so much more. Because Jimin and Jungkook even got "Queer ARMYs" hating on them. Like if they hate is coming from inside the house.... you better believe that shit is good.

Anyway 2moro's we officially hold a funeral to Are You Sure 😭😭😭😭 peace ✌

[abstractgirlobject]

noBODY is pressuring ANYONE to be a Transfem!

Hi, so I live in the real world where everyone hates transfems. I've had a streak of sleeping with multiple cis boys, whom, after hooking up with them, realized they were actually girls. Did I MAKE them trans somehow? At no point did I tell them they HAD to be girls. I did what I thought was right and let them figure it out on their own. I told them it was a possibility but truly only they can know whether or not they are.

So then why do I keep seeing people talking about how there's a group of transfems out there MAKING poor GNC cis boys into girls? I was not invited into this group, when I probably have more than enough qualifications. You see when I hear people talk about that, I think about something similar I heard about how transgenders are going to make your children trans and somehow destroy America with this Excess of Power over others that this very marginalized and targeted group somehow has. And then it clicked, this group of highly organized dangerous transgenders not only doesn't exist, it's also exactly what the right is constantly fearmongering about.

You see when I think about my experience as an egg, because I'm harsher on myself than I am to others, I just end up screaming at my former self YOU'RE A GIRL TAKE THE ESTROGEN HONEY. when in reality little egg me didn't know yet and saying that wouldn't have helped her. What I'm NOT saying with this post is that anyone who's actually forcing eggs to transition before they're ready is at all justified in doing that. I'm not the type to she/her cis boys i think might be fruity enough to be eggs. (unless they want me to in bed.) I just think its odd how much this egg discourse lines up with what I was told by people when i was figuring out my gender.

"you can just be a boy who wears dresses and makeup. you can just be a femboy. you can just be a GNC cis boy. You can just be a boy. you just are a boy. You are a boy. Don't pretend you're not."

This is pressure to be cis that has masked itself under sounding more progressive. Y'know, the kind of stuff you hear in conversion therapy. Why are you so scared I'm going to take your femboys away from you? Why is allowing more transfems to realize who they are via a funny meme a bad thing? Why is more t-girls a bad thing? The longer this conversation goes on the more it sounds like the same old shit, people hating transfems for having some kind of power they don`t have, and blaming them for intracommunity discourse when the real problem is how many people actually hate us.

There are two ways to end this, either you accept that you have some unconscious biases and you can reevaluate your stance while I can accept that not every trans girl is an angel and some of them may get a little excited and pressure eggs to crack early instead of letting them incubate like they're supposed to.

Or you try to get rid of transfems because clearly they're the problem here.

fuck off

[charmwasjess]

Cut for Acolyte chit-chat.

The problem I’m having with last night’s Acolyte TPK is that really, it was fantastic TV. The duels were incredible. When Osha comes to in the darkness and we can hear the distant lightsaber noises, and we slowly realize WHAT IS HAPPENING and the absolute dread of counting the group and realizing people are missing, the confusion, her basically tripping over bodies while the lightsabers move distantly in the forest, the tension between escaping and going back, and ugh, the “was that its name?” line. I was absolutely yelling at the screen at a point. The atmosphere of that whole sequence was tremendously successful for me as a viewer, at least. It was scary and horrible and interesting. It left me with a real feeling. A GROSS BAD SCARED ONE, but damn, effective.

Qimir’s Sith getup absolutely looks like they slapped the coolest-looking Halloween mask on the hottest guy at a t-shirt LARP but I’ll allow it because he is so well-acted, and ah, SO hot, and it all comes out very scary. I see why they needed him to do some horrific shit so we would take him seriously as a villain. His reveal is funny for me because yes, it’s laughably obvious, who else would be the Sith? At the same time, I genuinely like it? We need some different types of Sith characters besides “bad old man” and “brainwashed monsterchild” and he feels fresh and intentional. 

So the total party kill: I am wondering how the show moves on from this, because narratively, it seems like we’re about to get the much-uglier version of what happened with the fire and everything and the inevitable crisis of faith/break with Sol/ “ACTUALLY it was the Jedi who were wrong,” and I was not looking forward to that aspect before they wiped out almost the entire Jedi cast. The timing of it all is going to be hard for me as a person who loves Jedi and is watching the show because of that. I like nuance in stories, but I think that "but what if the Jedi were BAD" storyline is really worn out for me after 20 years of prequels discourse. At the same time, I think not pulling punches is a good thing in media, but it’s something of a balancing act. Would the first season of Game of Thrones (I prefer the book, but there’s no denying the cultural movement that was the show) be the same without the gutpunch of Ned Stark’s death and how it launches the plot forward? On the other hand, look at Glenn’s death in the Walking Dead, which seems to have been the point of mass exodus for many (most?) fans, or the pointlessness and shock value in the ending of Killing Eve? 

So I don't know, is icing the Scooby gang going to turn out to be a good narrative choice? I know a lot of people are left wondering "wait, all my favorite characters just died, why am I even watching this?" At the same time, people are absolutely talking about the show. Quite an inflection point in the narrative.

But gosh. Ugh. FAM. I have so much narrative exhaustion from watching Jedi be Jedi, courageous, loyal, true-to-their-values-and-duty Jedi, and die for it gratuitously on screen. 

[alchemistc]

I multiship, bucktommy, buddietommy, and buddie, but tbh all the bullshit i'm seeing (second and third hand) from the buddies is making me not want to read or write it. thoughts?

Honestly, there's a couple paths forward that I think make sense in this specific situation.

If you are the type of person, like me, who avoids the Discourse and interacts with it only to pipe up with a "Yeah, what they said!" - just go enjoy the shit you like. If you click on a post or a fic that is interacting with the Discourse in a way you don't agree with - click the fuck away. Treat it like a fic/post that's just not your style. Curate your dash and if you're up to it maybe sort through your filters on ao3, update your blocks. I'm too lazy so my method is typically just scrolling past with a "Nope, not engaging." but there are a lot of tools at your disposal to make your experience what you want it to be.

If you are the type of person who is comfortable with call outs and you see shit on your dash, know that you are going to get SLAMMED with anons and vitriol for daring to be a voice that differs from the (small, very loud) crowd of shippers who are making one of your ships a real toxic place to be right now. Block 'em en masse. Don't engage with disingenuous shit. If there's anything in there that isn't straw man arguments and homophobia maybe consider a conversation. Don't feel like you have to. Turn of anon, if you're not feeling it.

If you're confrontational as fuck (who are you can I stand behind you and quietly support you you scare me but I appreciate you) then do and say whatever the hell you want and enjoy being right.

Personally, I'm a ship and let ship person, so if I'm not in the mood for multi ship drama or ship supremacy drama I'll just filter out a tag or block it. I'm guessing, based on the latest shit I'm seeing, that maybe that won't necessarily work in this situation because sometimes ppl like to infiltrate a tag that they shouldn't be in just to be jerks about it.

Do you. Enjoy what you enjoy. Filter out the noise, or call it out, do what works for your best experience.

And remember that this very loud crowd is NOT the majority. They are just that. Really fucking loud. They make noise cancelling headphones for a reason

[boyakishantriage]

Humans *bickering bickering*

Alien: what's. Going. On??

Human: good question, if I had to guess. Something about fashion.

Alien: fashion?

Human1: no, I say pink and green...

Human: ... I mean, they're arguing with fancy names, colours, photos. I generally-

Alien: no. How. Why would you argue about clothing?

Humans: *freezes and starts shouting at alien*

Human: hey, what's so bad about... *Thinks* Arabic fabric?

Human4: OH DON'T GET ME STARTED-

Alien: how-

Human: generally speaking, skimming fashion blogs for key discourse points-

Alien: no. How. How do you keep doing that?

Human: do what?

Alien: Every situation, problem. You're always so-

Human: calm.

Alien: Yeah. And you know-

Human: exactly what to say?

Alien: and-

Human: it's frustrating that I somehow keep finishing sentences so simply and easily?

Alien: ... Yes.

Human: dunno, I just. Plan a lot, scaffold and have a finger in every industry. I don't bother with the changing styles, but there's always something that stays consistent in those spheres.

Alien: ... Like what?

Human: Engineering nerds, constantly arguing over hypothetical problems and best ways to fix em. Same with philosophy, IT, film and a lot of creative or functional fields. More qualitative industries it's comparisons, things and ways to make thing appear feel etc.

Alien but how do you-

Human: I don't. I just scribble notes with eight layers versus the standard 3-5 layered notes.

Alien: How do-

Human: good question. I don't remember, just. Planned until i hit a wall, then worked around it, under it and through it.

Alien: but how-

Human: I told you, we lost a lot of information. We've learnt and figured out a lot with what we have, but we've lost so much that it drives a lot of people insane.

Alien: ...

Human: but, we just. Move on, write down what we know so we don't lose more and just. Go with it I guess, but I'm special. One of a kind as far as anyone or I can tell, and yeah. I make mistakes, yeah I get scared and yeah. I'll probably get into shit for being what I am-

Alien: but that doesn't answer any of the questions.

Human: Well, I don't have an answer for you.

Alien: but. How. You're so ready and yet you don't-

Human: *shrugs* Again, we lost so much. People, memories, techniques, history. we don't now what we don't, but if we fixated on that we'd never get anywhere. Worry about something that's important but lost, or worry about something that's less important. But here *baps the alien's chest*

Alien: ... But-

Human: no more buts, think about it later. For now, you've got your job and I've got mine.

Alien: ...

I still don't understand this species, words I've frustrated by my predecessors, but. It's difficult. Humans are so diverse, complex and hard to really understand. But they are also so, simple. So, paradoxical in how two opposing nature's can work together as seperate and as one. And the human's theories, friends. Network. All of it, it just. Doesn't make sense, yet it works. And we have evidence it's not just about being a human, but not a mindset or something you learn. While I have not changed much from this, the questions this raises which nobody seems to be able to answer. From the invasion to today, the final report and attached files. Nothing makes sense.

Human: that's. Kind of the point.

Alien: ... Who is this?

Human: hacked your device, this is a program that creates a window for me to type into lol.

Alien: What. How-

Human: human nature is complicated, messy and is more a catch all term to describe a kind of mindset. Nobody actually knows how, when or what it is. But it's like hope.

Hope is a lie, we all know it, deep down. But it's about trying, to be better and try even when it's hopeless. Pointless even, it doesn't make sense because when we asked why should we,we just responded

Well, why not?

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

(without going into age discourse. Let's just say he has ai sentience, not Possesed.)

Tw for technical dub-con. Idk the tag but to survive, you have to give sexual favors and it eventually turns consentual.

Ever since I saw the first FNAF game, I've always loved the idea of getting fucked by an animatronic. Not even the slimmed down versions, furry versions or even remotely humanized. How they appear in game.

The idea of being terrified in that crampt office with nowhere to go, locking out big emotionless robots, knowing the fates of those who came before me and being absolutely terrified. They see me and they cant get me and they are pissed. Its so close to 6 am but shit, the power went out at 5:30 and i just sit quietly in the darkness before Freddy's dreaded eyes light up and his music Box plays to seal my fate.

But he looks down at my shrunken terrified form and how scared i am but decides he wants to give me the opportunity to live. For a price.

The idea of being thrown on the creaky thin sheet metal table, held down with impossible force of a soft fuzzy hand and getting absolutely demolished by a huge cold robot cock. He's a gentle-manly type so he'd check in a few times, be scared of hurting me and speak all sweetly to me as he uses my cervix as a speed bump and won't stop till I soak him. Being watched through the windows by the others that I'm his new favorite toy knowing damn well I'm coming back the next shift and because I'm his favorite, they can't hurt me.

Then finally when he's done with me, stumbling out the doors 2 hours late just to come back the next night to him standing in the office happily watching our exchange on the monitors like it's nothing. Just the idea that they are so much bigger and stronger than me and if I wanna survive, I have to give sexual favors is chefs kiss

I used to get a lot of shit for being attracted to them in their in game forms because "those aren't as sexy as the human ones or the furry ones". Honestly though, I like that they are robots. It means they can't leave the pizzeria and are stuck there and if I want more, I have to do it secretly and quietly so I don't get caught by the other guards. However I wouldn't mind one peeping and rubbing one out to me and one not noticing them but thats human stuff lol

.

[rainbowdaisy13]

It's so annoying when I still see many Gaylors say 'Taylor can't come out because her fandom is more homophobic than fandom of other artists' WITHOUT mentioning that SHE contributed to this. If so many homophobes like you and fell welcomed in your fandom, well maybe you're doing something wrong. All her adult life she pandered and coddled her homophobic fans by giving them ammunition against Gaylors, when Gaylors were appreciating her art and believing her lies. No, she had to take parts of queer history and let her straight homophobic fans bully her gay fans because she has too much internalized homophobia to allow gay talk to get too loud. She did all this as an adult! - I don't care what parents think or say, your actions as an adult are your responsibility.

Even if something you said got misconstrued, how hard is it to say 'hey don't attack these folks, this type of discourse doesn't bother me, analyze my lyrics in your own way and come to your own conclusions, don't harass or doxx and out anyone in my name. Speculating someone is gay isn't offensive because being gay isn't an insult". But no, because I'm 100% sure that if nothing else, at least in her subconscious being gay IS an insult. She gave these homophobes a safe space in her fandom and it's infuriating when I see so many Gaylors just say her fandom is homophobic but not point out that it is that way because she panders to these people. ESPECIALLY these last year. She knew what that NFL fandom was and yet she wanted to attract them. Why? Because indirectly she didn't only show us she was gay. Through her actions, she's also showing us she hates it and would do anything to cover it up to preserve her status and this homophoic fanbase she never calls out.

It would even be strange to now make an expose blaming these fans for her staying closeted, when she did everything she could to maintain the fantasy for them. 'The 1950s shit they want from me' is so hypocritical. She is the one feeding these narratives of marriage and traditional family values to the press for herself, for her 'cover'. Those lyrics alone out her as a covert narcissist. She's making herself the victim in a situation she created. No, the fans don't want shit. YOU are crafting these narratives, and people who like it, flock to you. These are the expectations you put in place for yourself. And you made your fans scared of questioning things because they see how Gaylors are treated when they dare to think outside the box about your 'art'.

It's atrocious to compare her to Evelyn Hugo as well. It was illegal to be gay when the book happens and Evelyn didn't act like a victim. She knew she was a product of her design and she owned it, mistakes and all.

The never owning a god damn thing is what has broken my mental chains so to speak—I would not put up with this kind of behavior from any other artist—meaning I wouldn’t support them/give them money/defend their actions—so why the fuck was I doing this with Taylor?

[angelfacemjj]

Before this ted talk start, I just wanted to ask for any antifeminist, conservative, right wing or anything related to this to just, please, do not interact, like, reblog or do anything about this post. I'd be seriously disappointed in myself if any Christian right winged antifeminist agreed with me, because that's not the point of my life and 100% not the point of this post, so please, if you fall on the characteristics of this warning, ignore this post and go eat your hamburgers with cheese. Thank you.

Also, content warning for references to s/a.

Misandry, even if it's a understandable response to men in patriarchy, should not be apart of feminism.

Even tho I'm not a feminist, and will probably never be, because my experiences with patriarchy are from a trans non-binary point of view, and feminism is about women + another couple reasons, I would really like to point out something.

Misandry can't be apart of feminism because the patriarchy only protect cis heterosexual white men.

Using misandry in your feminism will ignore the experiences of trans and men of colour with patriarchy and how it fails to put them on privilege.

And no, I'm not invalidating your crippling fear and hatred of men that developed from being a woman getting abused by misogyny, because no 1⁰, I'm also deeply scared of men, and no 2⁰, I also have moments where my only reaction to cis & white people is deep breath so I'll not end up throwing hands (cause let's be honest, y'all are seriously dumb /j). But does that interfere on my black and queer discourses? Obviously not!

Because if I do let my honest disappointment with white and cishet people get to my activism, it will interfere negatively on it, because it block different perspectives from the system that affects me and my perception of how does it work. Same with feminism and misogyny.

If your honest disappointment with men get into your feminism, you won't be able to accept masculine perspectives on patriarchy, specially trans masculine and racialized masculine perspectives. And they are important because patriarchy literally fails with them!

Let's take rape culture and black men for an example.

We have fulano, a white man who has a literal fetish on 14 year old girls, and ciclano, a black man who got falsely accused of csa for money. (Based off of real life? Mmmm, maybeyy...~ But I won't drop names😘 but if you know me, you probably know who I'm talkin bout) Which one of these guys will be 100% protected by patriarchy?

Fulano. For fulano's case, patriarchy will use it's tactics and excuses to protect him. But for ciclano, if ciclano isn't on a environment of conservative black people, there will be hesitation on the protection. Because black men are deemed as aggressive and harmful to (mostly/specially to white) women.

Which is basically why the police only takes accusations from women seriously if they're against men of colour. If you, white girl, do an s/a accusation against a white boy, there will be little to no effect. But if you do it against a black boy, the shit going on with be completely different.

Am I saying that feminism should include men? Obviously not, because feminism is about women. But when we're talking about the patriarchal system in general, we should pay attention to different perspectives, because that'll get more knowledge on how does it work and how do we defeat it, because patriarchy is not only “men > women”; It's a system where white cisgender straight men get a privilege over any other type of person, be them a gay man, a cis asian woman, a black genderfluid person, etc.

Anyway, I hope y'all got my point. Kisses from Angel.

[delta-lethonomia]

7, 8, 24

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Ooof. Boring answer, but Halsin. I don't find him attractive in the slightest and all the horniness & projection onto his character really annoys me. See last post for far too much ranting about him haha

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Karlach!!! Karlach is not some sweet uwu cinnamon bun golden retriever! She enjoys violence, and is a great deal more morally grey than people make her out to be. When Elturel fell into Avernus, she did precisely jack-shit to help anyone, and admits she could have. She worked for an arms dealer in her youth and gave precisely zero fucks about the morality behind it. She uses soul coins despite knowing that those are people's souls she's burning through; Karlach can absolutely rationalize her way through a lot of shitty things. She has her limits - she leaves if you kill the Tieflings - but she participates all the same by your side for the duration of the fight. She only leaves afterwards, and doesn't even say anything about it: her speech is more about how you've got a difference in opinion, and she's getting out. That's not some harsh moral judgement there.

Basically, in any other life, Karlach would be generic thug #24 who's great fun at the bar, but she'll still beat the shit out of anyone you point her towards, will defend your drug shipment, and will only bounce if you go so far as human trafficking/slave trade. She cares, but she's not moved by other's plights so far as to risk her own neck.

Quite frankly, she's also got anger issues: if I knew Karlach irl, I'd keep my distance, because the whole whole "burning down the building" post paladins would have scared the shit out of me. I don't think Karlach would ever intentionally hurt her partner, but if you're both the type to tousle, she'd go for it, and if you're not… well, it wouldn't surprise me if she someday throws something a few feet away from your head if upset enough.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

The two options: Emperor good? Ascended Astarion bad? I'm completely bored of both of them.

Yes, Emperor is a manipulative prick who is ultimately sympathetic and who plays the player like a harp, and yes, ascending Astarion is horrible for him psychologically, though I don't think he goes full Cazador-lite monster anytime soon. Calling him "just like Cazador" immediately afterwards is a dick move and I completely get why he's pissed at that. Being his spawn for a few years might even be pleasant until you start realizing all the things you can no longer do, and how your relationship has degraded over time. (Don't worry, he'll have his own unique flavor of emotional abuse ironed out soon enough 😉)

[plunder413]

Man, if anything has truly utterly "gone downhill" its analysis videos or as they're now called "video essays". Like, I was there for specific early youtubers to lay down the groundwork and sorta define art analysis as making your own art in turn. If you've been in certain anime circles, you know. What I was hoping for was breaking down the barriers of convention that restrict people's thoughts on art. I'm an extremely postmodern and subjectivist person, and I wanted individuals to bring out their own experiences, loose and everchanging, senseless, only defined by itself. Instead we just have people going "THIS THING U LIKE IS SECRETLY BAD" and making a 5 hour long video meticulously taking down something in the most boring and bad faith way possible.

Like, where is the schizo love letter to like Earthworm Jim or some shit. Where's the videos that have interesting editing and personality? Idk I feel like it's all just this dick measuring contest to see how cynical we can be. It's saddening. Analysis is supposed to be like sampling in music, taking this art and rearranging it to reflect your own psyche, a creative endeavor in its own, an exercise in love.

And like, I think the evidence lies in the fact that I just make my own art and don't bother with wider discourse on the stuff I'm into. Like, I like cartoons and anime so I made my own story. I like music so I make my own music. And I'm honestly happier. Maybe it's because most creative types don't want to sink into the modern discourse hole that continues to discourage creativity in favor of comfy homogenous distraction sludge that can also say "hey, gay people? cool as frick actually!". Like, yeah, I could watch an HBomberGuy video but I could also just eat spider eggs and have them hatch and crawl around my insides and that will be just as painful but infinitely more interesting.

Really, I've seen far better art analysis here than anything on fucking YouTube and I think that goes to show that as much as you can say about this site, it's a site ABOUT art and creativity. People who fundamentally understand creativity and are not just trying to find the most correct art. Because going down that road only gets you polished, easily accessible bland muck that only conveys the most vaguely left leaning thing with none of that icky abstraction or weird humany stuff. I am into the infinity creativity has to offer. I happen to like to see weird taboo sexuality that mixes psychological branches into a colorful slurry. I happen to like when reality is bent or shaped into an abstract nightmare realm. I also like seeing cute girls just hangin out. I also like SpongeBob SquarePants.

Really what this comes down to also is a western standards being prioritized over all else. Which is dumb. And racist! Like, anime is a different culture that prioritizes different shit. I'm not even just talking about lolicon and shit, I'm talking like, fundamentally being stuck in these super intense, gritty narratives that maintain a consistent tone based on fast moving action and cliff hangers. Sorry but the idea of a maturity being stoic gritty cynicism is a very American idea, and shit is just different when looking beyond the western mainstream. And sometimes its not this presentable G rated thing you can call "chilling" and "breathtaking" sometimes it's a surreal atmospheric comedy with pervy jokes that deconstructs Japanese culture with very specific references and media tropes. Everypony should watch Neo Ranga btw, and I will once it can't trigger me because fuck that show feels like a nightmare. I'm using primarily anime examples because that's the foreign media I'm most familiar with.

Basically conservatism is a virus infecting even the self described anarchists and progressives and leftists because I can't handle having a strong emotion because I'm so pants shittingly scared of the current climate of Things(TM).

[angel---eater]

okay im posting a mile a minute and i might be hypomanic but im thinking about clones so hard right now. i got a lotta thoughts about non-typical romance stories that can or do lean into dark fiction and how we should interact with em and also how the concept of clones/clonemance can actually analogously translate into a completely different, healthy thing that happens in real life and how thats really incredibly cool actually.

i do NOT care about speculative/dark fiction in terms of taboos cause like, its fiction. its fake. i can x out of the tab or close the book if it pops up. sometimes i need to get outta dodge so i do that. obviously irl incest is liferuining and bad. i dont have to virtue signal about it bc im confident that i know the difference between reality and fiction. i hope no ones arguing against irl incest being bad but who fuckin knows its the internet unfortunately & i stay outta those spaces like they got the plague. have to for my sanity. but like

hear me out im not going where it sounds like im goin i promise. leave the fuckin ship discourse at the door and let me talk about art-audience interaction for a sec. clone romance is not like stories about incest at all. theyre different by several albiet very technical degrees. extremely brief spoilers for crimsion peak and the game SOMA and under the cut cause this got gd long and they just kinda got brought up

argument: dirkhal is adjacent to real life intersystem relationships and i wanna tell you why i think that in a roundabout way that hopefully makes sense

peeling back a lil first. let me lift the curtain to stare at it and think about why its blue. like blue specifically and not idk, green or purple

dark fiction (like incest plotlines) is labled as such bc its supposed to disturb you but in a safe contained way that you can back out of. the curtain has been made blue to specifically envoke feelings we feel when we think about the colour blue, like make you feel sad or think of the sky. ya feel? its there to do a job. if youre in a good head space it can be cool and interesting to dig into like, gothic horror romance, a genre that famously features incest as a plot twist. this type of art is supposed to at least be mildly disturbing if you havent built up a tolerance to said horror, or are just not easily scared in general. the horror of the reality of incest is embedded into gothic horror historically. its what made it popular arguably. del toro's crimsion peak is a perfect modern example. the '''romance''' IS whats scary in this genre. i think its an interesting inverse of the typical non-horror romance genre. the shit with daenerys and viserys targaryen wouldnt have been NEARLY as nervewracking if they hadnt also been siblings while viserys imposed himself onto her. that was the thing that added to the fear for dany in those episodes, at least thats how it was for me. its what compounded her situation from something already frightening into something desperate. its whats disturbing about cersei and jaime and what makes joffreys entire existance truly sick and twisted underneath all of his already sick and twisted violence

hear me out hear me out. its like enjoying the saw movies bc of the gore and torture but a little to the left. you know obviously (at least i hope you would know) that putting someone in a saw trap in real life is wrong but because its all fake and the story and characters are engaging and dramatic, your brain, if youre inclined to this type of stuff, will go oooo thats cool, cool special effect that scared me haha im gonna watch the next one. and you will probably watch the next one because you know its fake and not real and that no one is actually being hurt. so morally you are always fine because you are enjoying watching fake blood get splattered around. youre enjoying the simulation of fear for this fictional character being tormented by her weirdo brother. you dont like what the lannester twins are doing but you might have still cried at lena headeys performance when joffrey finally beefed it bc shes still acting out a mother losing her kid. youre not a bad person for that

its like, if you look at the painting 'saturn devouring his son' by goya what do you feel? odds are youre gonna be feeling at least a little disturbed, which is the art doing what its supposed to. some of yall might enjoy it because its scaring you a lil and some of yall might not because of the same thing. incest in fiction is like that to me. its like being on a rollercoaster. your safe but its fake-scary even if youre enjoying the shit outta yourself. thats why fictional incest is still scary. its a scary thing that does very much happen irl and even when its obviously fake and fictional it can still scare you. thats why its such a common squick (triggers notwithstanding, those are not squicks and are in the realm of actually taking care of yourself to prevent flashbacks. its on you to do that for yourself not anyone else. i had to learn that the long and hard way. dont take that sentence out of context dear god)

BUT moving on to like, the actual reason why im writing all this shit

clone and specifically clone romance is something i wanna see more of sooo bad bc its not like gothic horror type incest romance AT ALL. its so far removed from reality. it literally cant happen the way were think about it in fiction. its entirely safe to speculate about forever

like

what does it mean to be a clone. existentially. especially if your genetic source or your other clone is not around (dead, forcefully separated bc Plot, etc) or way the fuck in your business (put you in his own computer and then ishades. never shuts you off or puts you out of his site. keeps you in his literal face. lives in a tiny apartment in the middle of the sea)

like the scifi of it all. the last couple minutes of 2001 a space odyessy type horror of it all. the tragedy the ego death the desperation to just be able to be your own person. and what does it even MEAN to be your own person if youre a clone anyway? especially if youre all up in each others business all the time because you have no where else to go?

dirkhal is perfect for this in particular bc the clone in question starts out as strings of code. STRINGS OF CODE. like holy fuck. hes completely intangeble. and he did that to himself. he thought itd be a cool idea because he thought hed be doing it to Some Other Guy. but the other guy was himself. idk if anyone reading this has played or watched someone else play SOMA but the horror of that is. fucking wow. it fucks me up

again similar to incest irl transhumanism is a major NOPE for me like get away from me w/ that shit. i like my organic body thanks. i think my body is wonderful with all its squishy warm bits that go gloop and splorp without any brain chips or head transplants onto mecha bodies

BUT…..

its very fun to explore in fiction. and again hal is perfect for this. and it just adds to the overall weirdness of dirk and hals situation

he (dirk) accidentally separated (ascended???) his own damn self away from his humanity (dirk2.0 -> AR -> hal). turns out he doesnt like it. big surprise there. and then he spends all of his screentime trying to claw his way back into his humanity at the cost of the person arguably closest to him

who is also. drum roll. himself. dirk1.0. like GODDAMN THATS GOOD

and it is very different from twincest type stories bc depending on how the characters were cloned their brains are exactly the same. it cant possibly be like incest because clones the way were thinking of them are impossible. its just not possible to clone your exact self physically with everything inside your brain metaphysically (memories, tastes, prefrences, personality, language both verbal and subconciously expressed through the body) intact

and again depending on how the clones are written they (like dirk and hal) could very easily have the same memories and personalities!! i cant think of any other real world instance of anything to draw a connection to except intersystem relationships. two people sharing a brain and body but who are very much different people from each other. your mileage may vary on how different two alters are to each other at any given point. OSDDID is so varied because every single body's physical brain is mapped differently, even in twins. its how you can have identical twins but have their personalities and preferences be radically different from each other. but that doesnt necessarily happen within a system. especially in polyfragmented or OSDD systems. because theyre not twins or siblings or anything other than system members who share a brain

two people in a system will have the same brain and same or similar memories from the same shared life in the same body but them being romantically involved will absolutely the fuck not be incest by ANY stretch of the word. trust me i am an expert on this. if you believe it is then idk what to tell you. i dont really want you around us if you think this. my system has several internal relationships that have been a thing for a very very long time. we have an intersystem couple who originated sometime in our childhood by literal cloning of the same alter within the brainspace and they have been entangled with eachother emotionally ever since, for better or worse, and started officially dating very recently. they are inherently very different people, but they came from the exact same root and that still shows through sometimes. they are by this specific definition of the word the closest thing we have to real life clones. sorry to get personal but its fuckin incredible and kinda the only concrete example i have

so in my humble opinion clone romance is much MUCH more adjacent to irl intersystem relationships, if we want to draw a connection between fiction and real life. which i dont typically like doing ever but i actually got skin in this game and i want to see intersystem relationships talked about way more openly. it can be part of life if youre plural and its fun as hell to translate aspects of it into fiction. like clone romance and dirkhal and homestuck in general

there is so many aspects of plurality i can see in homestuck. almost every character has some type of clone at some point (temporal, brain ghosts, robots, splinters). beta rose inherents the memories of davesprite's doomed rose. alpha kids in general are paradoxical clones of themselves. they literally only come from themselves genetically. dirk himself is the POSTERBOY for plurality, ESPECIALLY Ult Dirk. im not saying theres any intentional plural coding going on, but its really fuckin cool to look at these patterns and find something familiar. dirkhal are a plural couple to me

[tierra-paldeana]

1.) What made you decide to roleplay this muse? 11.) What’s a thread you’d like to do in the near future? 20.) What’s something that would make you unfollow a mutual? 22.) Three interesting little tidbits or facts of your muse

Questions for the Mun!

What made you decide to roleplay this muse?

// i think i mentioned this elsewhere already, but basically, the moment i saw her in the game and got to know her better, i was fucking sold. she's everything i craved to see in a female character but almost never got, from the design to the personality, to the attitude, to her potential... not to mention i felt seen as someone GNC, and the fact that she's from the region based off iberia, like me, spoke to me super deeply, among other things.

and i was seriously considering roleplaying as her once i finished the main game, but because i knew there were DLCs coming in the horizon, i decided to wait until they came out to finally form a more or less complete idea of what i wanted to do. and because i never do well in discord servers (at least ones where i don't know anyone involved from the offset), i decided to come back to tumblr after having left in 2017-8-ish, cause i knew i'd be able to meet peeps more comfortably here. i don't regret it one bit!

What's a thread you'd like to do in the near future?

// honestly... hard to pick. i got so many thread ideas i'd love to do. but one thread i'd love to do would be definitely something involving area zero, or big scary pokémon. i just want to throw rika at these, specially if someone she cares about is involved, just to see her overcome her traumas bit by bit. she might be scared, but her love for the people she appreciates is stronger and can push her to do things she'd freeze over if she was alone...

and of course, things like angst, hurt-comfort, fluff. character exploration threads... that kinda stuff.

What’s something that would make you unfollow a mutual?

// breaking my rules is the easiest and fastest way to get me to unfollow someone. also, being a dick in general, messing with other rpers unfairly, or bringing twitter-like discourse onto my dash for no other purpose than to stir shit up. of course there's other reasons but they're very basic (being lgbt+-phobic, racist etc) and something i think should be common decency not to be/do so yeah.

Three interesting little tidbits or facts of your muse

rika can climb trees pretty well, believe it or not! perks of having been a semi-feral child hahaha

rika's the only elite four member that doesn't have any flying type pokémon... which are usually birds... my rika has trauma related to being attacked by a espathra (which i know isn't a flying type, but it's still a bird)... hmm... much to think about...

she often takes poppy out to public parks to pass the time when she's free from work c:

[casketscratch]

i think this place has been good for me in a... tentatively feeding scraps of myself to the blog, and instead of getting my hand smacked or regretting it, it's just. an okay thing. it's like a neutral thing to exist in a space and to have experiences i talk about and that's like. some people even kinda relate sometimes, and that's like. neeeew? i don't want to oversell it and be like tumblr is healing something in me just by letting me exist in the smallest way possible here, b u t:

people relating to me is not an experience i am ever prepared for. even my friends now it's mostly a... as long as i only exist close to them but don't try to connect too much. because i know i make other people uncomfortable. you know? it's not nothing but it's not... emotionally nourishing, either. i know it's not, because i'm trying to figure out ways to connect without feeling scared or sabotage myself by being like "what's even the point, it's too late to try."

this is. i struggle with admitting this enough that i'm having to interrupt myself to unclench my jaw. but it's the ... teeniest, tiniest little attempt to be open and honest. i am so scared of doing that again after the last year, two, three? that i have to actually like. argue with some of our more edgier (affectionate) protectors about doing it at all.

i say teeniest and tiniest but it's been a huge effort to not shut down totally and keep trying. "connect with other people" is apparently our most convoluted labyrinth of internal defenses. (like a labyrinth should be!)

so thank you to this space, i guess? i can never like.

initiate contact, the self-sabotage is mostly like, the hour of "no one wants to hear what you'd say anyway," "you'll just feel bad the whole time," "why even bother think of all the wreckage and people you've hurt behind you." and it works, is the bitch, it hits so hard that it feels like a gatekeeper that turns us all into these little like, "oh he's right, why WOULD we?" because then it's such a disorienting switch i barely remember what i was doing. or trying to do.

(i just typed all tht out and now i'm like oh fuck i got your number, man. we're gonna talk. see, this shit is useful! so many tiny insights)

anyway right yes uhhh.

... thank you. the internet being what it is i always feel like i'm one wrong word or opinion away from being run out. and when your connections to communities or other people are zero, or close to zero, feeling like even your preliminary avenues to try to connect in the first place are traps is really bad. for me. probably for other people but i'm just talking about me.

and then you take all that constant supervision from others and marry it with that internal protector sense of "see i told you everyone is a piece of shit and you won't belong there, either" and enter the canyon of despair. to crawl out of until the next time the cycle happens again.

but i think the scraps feeding bit is working. we're committed to being honest and non-judgmental of each other as possible. it at least seems to work against the endless vigilance and paranoia over, is that an okay thing to say? is someone going to call me out for [long list of discourse points in my head]. can i even talk about my own trauma without upsetting the people who'll tell me it's fake or invalidating their own, is the fact we work with our persecutors even when they're "bad" or "evil" going to start shit, etc. You know... the concerns that all boil down to avoiding feeling shame for stuff we're just trying to figure out.

which means we're like. obliquely managing to work with the alters and fragments who carry the shame that DOES immobilize us and DOES send so many of us to the stars. in baby bites. right here. just like that. where no one's yet ripped our head off or even tried to for not doing any of this right or sometimes having Bad Opinions or whatever.

something's working. and the sleepy meds are definitely working and if i don't stop now this will turn int a 2k word thing about shame and avoidance and freedom and let's just. flop. i'm gonna flop.

[cinamun]

Listen, Cin, these are for you 💐🌹🌻 because you be out here doing a thing. You hear me? Lol. It's the fact that I had to literally sleep on it before I came back and picked up where Hope & her vortex had me fucked up at... Lol.

*cracks knuckles* Let's unpack, shall we...

I will try my damnest to keep this short & sweet:

Indya wasn't wrong. I repeat, Indya wasn't wrong.

There I said it. Lol. But in all seriousness, could she have said "close your mouth" rather than "shut the fuck up," of course...But there was nothing wrong with what she said nor how she said it. (and that little grab Indya did was harmless). Hope didn't just run to lil Stacy's house (her friends name is escaping me right now, my bad Cin), she decided to hop on a train & just so happen to land in San My...scared shitless because she had no idea where she was. Let's not forget that. That's not a calm & gentle conversation to have. Indya is not one of Hope's little friends, she's her mother. And regardless of how embarrassed She may be of her parents "toxicity," she will not disrespect her in her 4.9gb house.

There's so much more that I could say but I will just leave with this:

One thing Darren & Indya have always done is showed up for their children. They love the shit outta them kids & each other. That in itself is growth. Look at where they came from, hell. They show up and show out for their kids...aht aht! let's not breeze past "The Spring Fling" chapter so quickly...or the talk Indya had with Hope about sex...or the one when she was advising hope to explore more things she likes rather than boys. Or hell, even the talk Darren had with Elliot (at the Spring Fling).

I believe we tend to forget sometimes that healing is literally a process, that growth isn't overnight, and it's a rollercoaster to say the least. A couple therapy sessions with the good Doc isn't going to "make everything go away." But these two are putting in the work, daily. And it most definitely shows. Hell, right before Hope ran away after the Bad Boys II scene Indya literally had an aha moment about them not continuing to do things as they've always done them (when it comes to Hope & boys). Now I won't say how I feel about the Bad Boy II-esque scene because we'll really be here all day. But I will say, Jayce ass do look 30. A healthy ass beard...that fully connects...at 18. Nah champ! You're not fooling me.🤣 (as a matter of fact, Hope lemme take home boy off your hands you need to be in them books anyway) Lol.

With all that being said, I don't believe this is going to damage Hope & Indya's relationship. Because in the midst of Indya going off on her she was reassuring her. Indya literally told her something along the lines of how she could never be a failure to them. She also took accountability for the decisions Hope makes by saying something along the lines of "It makes us a failure when our daughter chooses the streets."

The Drake's (as we all are) are a work in progress. Leaning to navigate this shit all while learning to rid themselves of the weight that was not theirs to carry in the first place.

My mind was running fifty-leven miles a minute, so I hope I made sense. 🤣

Thank you for telling stories that allow us all to have this type of discourse. This shit gets heavy at time but honestly that's the beauty of it. You take us on a wild ride, make us a-kee-kee, and cry all in the matter of minutes.

...so much for me keeping this short & sweet. Lol. Now gon' head and get you another serving of pie. You deserve! 🖤

CHAEEEEEEEEE!!!! Its the face journey I just went on...

and the way I had to get up and walk away at "Indya ain't one of Hope's little friends"...

THE SPRING FLING! THE LOCKER ROOM TALK! THE SEX TALK! THE FULLY CONNECTED BEARD!

CHAE!!! Why am I emotional? This is it, this the one. THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVE! I will happily take these flowers.

Such a thoughtful and insightful breakdown of current events AND the associated nuance.