#get fucked Palps

[lastminutestarwarsfan]

Can someone please explain to me how in the name of God Palpatine was even able to gain so much access to Anakin? It's implied he's been keeping him close since Phantom Menace. Like I can understand after he's been knighted but as a padawan???? And not just ANY padawan but the notoriously unstable, taken-in-far-too-late-trained-by-a-barely-qualified-freshly-knighted-king-of-sass-and-oh-btw-we-think-he's-the-chosen-one padawan?? That one??? Surely there must have been parameters in place to protect Jedi children from just this sort of manipulation???? Not to mention keeping a close eye on this one in particular???

Like if it weren't so sad it would be (and admittedly is) hilarious how oblivious everyone is.

Like just imagine fucking Yoda and Mace chilling and thinking to themselves "Hmm where's that boy Anakin, you know the one we really did not think it would be a good idea to train lmao" and someone just cheerfully reasssures them "Oh don't worry his kindly pseudograndpa who is definitely not grooming him has taken him to the Opera! For cultural enrichment" Like??? Honestly I know no one suspects Palpatine is a Sith, but he's sure as hell a creepy old politician with a propensity for hanging around little boys. How is no one's alarm bells ringing?? How are the pedophilia accusations not pouring in??

[betweensaintsandmonsters]

"Is this a mistake?" Obi-Wan asks, fiddling with the ring on Anakin's left hand, spinning it absently as he looks up at his boy.

Anakin for his part, pauses. It's a rare sight, to see him so still. The hand in Obi-Wan's hair slowly picks up it's aborted mission as Anakin seems to gather his thoughts.

It doesn't feel like a mistake; not really. Not when Obi-Wan moves past the doubt that's burrowed it's way into his chest that this man will grow tired of him, the fear that he'll lose someone else he loves and there will be nothing he can do about it.

They're getting married in 72 hours for god sake.

Obi-Wan opens his eyes to look up at Anakin. His fiance. His everything.

Anakin laughs then, and Obi-Wan can only stare at him, trying to figure out what's so funny.

"I don't know," his boy whispers when he's gotten himself under control. He radiates light even in his uncertainty, "but I'll always love you."

Obi-Wan pulls anakin's hand to his lips, kisses his palm just under his engagement ring.

-- -- --

They haven't been fighting, but they haven't been talking either. Their home exists in a perpetual state of purgatory. A war solemnly awaiting a ceasefire. A wishbone about to snap.

Obi-Wan's side of the bed is cold.

Breakfast is on the counter but there's no note, not like there used to be.

Anakin misses lazy kisses good morning.

Anakin misses life not getting in the way.

Anakin wishes they were fighting. He think that would make the slow devolution of his marriage feel like something.

-- -- -- --

"Sometimes loving you feels a little bit like bleeding out. I know it's happening but no amount of pressure can stop it." Anakin says to the ceiling one night, his voice cracking.

He sobs when Obi-Wan pulls him into his chest.

-- -- -- --

"If I could," Obi-Wan swallows. There's a foot between them on the couch. He clutches the blanket he's wrapped around himself closer to his chest before reaching for Anakin's hand.

They've been talking. In retrospect, they should have done this earlier, years ago maybe. Maybe they wouldn't be in this situation if that were the case. The worst part is, he thinks they're still in love. Knows he will love this man until the day he dies, but they're bleeding out.

It doesn't make it easier.

The divorce papers are on the coffee table.

"If I could," he starts again, "I'd leave a five star review. Easiest man in the world to love."

Maybe easiest is the wrong word. But it's so easy to love Anakin, his boyish smiles, his passion, his light.

Anakin wipes at his eyes, clearly fighting tears.

It feels like that's all they've been doing for months.

"I'd leave you four and a half," he whispers, "Best man, can't cook for shit."

"Sounds about right."

He doesn't bother fighting his own tears.

-- -- -- --

The lawyers had reviewed the divorce papers. The judge had signed off. The world had stopped moving.

Anakin didn't know who he was separate from Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's never had to know. He's not looking forward to figuring it out.

Outside the courthouse, Obi-Wan gives him a hug, pulls Anakin to his chest, buries his face in Anakin's hair and holds him there.

Anakin breaks.

Shatters.

"Is this a mistake?" Anakin asks against Obi-Wan's neck, fingers clutched in his suit jacket. It feels like a mistake. Feels like the world has narrowed down to this. To them. To the fact that this is the last time he'll be held by this man.

He feels the ghost of Obi-Wan's lips against the crown of his head, the shake of his hands around his back.

"I don't know," Obi-Wan says, voice barely there, "but just know, I'll love you always"

[netherdevil]

you know the fixation is strong when thinking about it makes you physically nauseous

[raventrigonsdaughter]

I dont trust people who say they hate bo katan and then go on to say she doesn't care about her people and that she is just a straight up villain... how long have y'all been star wars fans that u have the audacity to look me in the eye and say so much bullshit, be for real...

[miraclewoozi]

just had Thee most therapeutic follower clearout and i feel like a new woman🥰

[engagemythrusters]

when i open a fic with fives turning out to be a complete asshole in it, i just know the author is making fives so fucking unbearable that they can feel justified that fox killed him

[brotoman-exe]

Vader putting the Lawful in Lawful Evil here.

Institutionalist

“Vader,” Palpatine said, his voice touched with silky menace. “What are you doing?”

“I am facilitating politics, my master,” Vader replied.

Palpatine looked at him, then up at the large poster Vader had just finished affixing to the wall of the Senate Chamber.

REMEMBER TO VOTE FOR THE NEXT EMPEROR, it said. REPORT ANY VOTER INTIMIDATION WHATSOEVER TO DARTH VADER, AND HE WILL KILL THE PERSON DOING IT.

“...you don’t think that’s a little paradoxical?” he asked.

“I am not telling people who to vote for,” Vader replied. “I am attempting to make sure the Senate vote is fair and free.”

“Vader…” Palpatine said, slowly. “I am the Emperor. The Senate is irrelevant.”

“You said the Jedi were a threat to the Republic,” Vader pointed out, in reply. “The Separatist Crisis is over. The Jedi are scattered and unable to intervene. It has been enough time that there should now be a new election. For Emperor.”

“That is not the law any more!” Palpatine retorted.

“Why not?” Vader asked. “Meaningful elections are important. Padme said so.”

Palpatine bit back his next reply, seething faintly.

Vader was usually easy to manipulate, but every so often one of those ideas about Padme got stuck in his head and he went from easy to utterly impossible. On that subject, he was immovable.

“Then… why the poster?” he asked.

“The vote should be fair and free,” Vader reiterated. “I will prevent voter intimidation.”

“...huh,” Bail said, a week later. “How did that happen?”

He was looking at the election results, which showed that seventy-four percent of the Senate had voted for him to be the next Emperor.

“I suspect Darth Vader was involved,” Mon replied. “His men ran an exhaustive investigation of the whole Senate over the last few weeks, then he killed everyone who’d taken their post through bribery or through falsified results.”

Bail clicked through to the details of the report, and winced.

The number of people who’d voted for him was about what he’d expected, the Senators who he could count on. The number of people who’d voted against him was… drastically smaller.

Then the door opened with a crash.

“Emperor,” Vader said. “It is time for you to take your position. The previous incumbent of your position was unwilling to vacate his post when the election results came in, but he has been dealt with.”

Bail blinked.

“...you killed Palpatine?” he asked.

“That is a good question,” Vader replied, somewhat quizzically. “I don’t know if it was my lightsaber or something else, but he has exploded and so he is certainly dead whether or not I was the one to kill him. I do not believe it is tradition, though.”

The Alderaanian senator swallowed, trying to hide his nerves.

“Are you going to kill everyone who looks at me funny?” he asked.

“No,” Vader replied. “Though I will kill anyone who tries to assassinate you. That is tradition.”

Mon and Bail exchanged glances.

“...would you actually have a problem if I tried to make things better for the galaxy?” Bail asked.

“You won the election,” Vader said, firmly, and apparently that was all that mattered.

[sixtysixproblems]

i want to see Fox have the most chaotic ass relationship with some feral investigative journalists. and it somehow turns into a fix it fic. like this somehow leads to Palpatine getting taken down. how funny would that be.

like. journalists are fucking insane man (i mean this as a compliment), and insane in a way I think fanon Fox would 100% get along with. Like, what Palpatine didn't realize when creating a clone army to kill the jedi, is those clones might be very enthusiastic whistleblowers.

Fox stresses out the journalists by how much he's willing to divulge despite the potential consequences (or, yk, actual consequences cause it's palps), and the journalists stress out Fox bc they're catching up to Padme in number of assassination attempts. meanwhile--

Thorn: how many hours of sleep did you get last night

Journalist: i got like 30 minutes at my desk

Fox: omg twinsies

Thorn: nO

thorn's just. stressed.

[the-greatest-8]

Y'know what would be funny? If a Codywan fic made Obi-wan and Cody's relationship so fucking obvious even Anakin picked up on it, AND THAT'S NOT ALL.

It makes Anakin actually t a l k to Obi-wan about the Councils feelings in relationships, as truly, I fully believe the 'No attachments' rule is a bit more complex then that.

And this just, it just fucks Palps plans, because now Anakin is actually coming to his former Master about shit and learning. Maybe he doesn't end up killing to tuskens? (I dunno how you could justify/talk it away(you can't, it was murder of the highest caliber))

It's just- Anakin sees his Master, whom he thought was just a massive stick in the mud, being an absolute obvious idiot with his Commander- and it makes a few of his unused braincells start rubbing together again.

Obi-wan is glad his former padawan is reaching out to him again. Cody is happy Obi-wan is happy- now if only he could get Anakin to stop being a shithead. Anakin is confused, but getting there. And Palps is cursing his fucking face off as two dudes really liking each other's faces are fucking all his plans up.

Order 66 doesn't happen, because some magic bullshit I can't think up right now. Maybe Obi-wan kissed Cody so well it broke the chip in his brain and he had to go to medical where they learned about it(the chips).

I just, think it would be really fucking funny okay? Let me have this.

[rochenn]

man whenever palpatine gets killed off during the clone wars in a fic and fucking. padmé or bail become chancellor right after him. i understand this in a "i want a happy ending for everyone" kind of sense but this solution seems so out of touch sometimes. as if you wouldn't have mas fucking amedda as an interim chancellor first and as if the next election wouldn't either solidify him or result in the ascension of someone like tarkin.

"but palpatine was outed as a sith" ok. how do you even prove that to the public, to the feared Average Voter, the dreaded Moderate, without sounding like a conspiracy lunatic? like the sith as a whole are even less known about than the jedi and they might as well just be the same thing (about 10 thousand jedi exist in the galaxy. coruscant alone has a population of 2 trillion. "minority" doesn't even begin to describe the position of the jedi here)

even if palpatine fucking dies it's too late for the republic because his old lackeys and corpo friends are in ALL the positions of power and could so, so easily pin this situation on the jedi one way or another. also dooku's training weights are essentially off now that the guy who could have killed him via zoom is gone. ppl need to realize that everything was already SO over before the clone wars even started, no matter if palps lives or dies

[phoenixyfriend]

Remember my post about Anakin pulling a Mike Murdock? Yeah, no, I have a full on AU concept now (with contributions by @threebea! indented)!

He lies so hard about having a brother that the universe invents a twin from scratch for him. It happens when Anakin is like twelve.

Anakin was just committing to the bit on a mission because he was bored.

The Force was also bored.

Oh no Anakin force manifests a sibling Obi-Wan: …That's not how the Force works. Anakin: You tell the Force that. Obi-Wan: Well, I suppose this would be your half-brother since the Force is your shared parent. Obi-Wan after the initial shock: This might as well happen.

New brother is better at some things and worse at others, as any person is. Anakin is, naturally, a fucking mess about all that, worries he'll be replaced, etc.

Obi-Wan just brings this to the Council and nobody can DENY this Skywalker from the Jedi after they already took the first one. So. Mace volunteers.

This Skywalker is a bit more Force than Anakin, got glowing eyes and visions and the Animal Communion buff. But is worse at flying, worse at tech, and unfathomably worse at people. Which is a FEAT, since Anakin's not too hot at social skills in the first place.

Mace has his hands full in many ways, including "keep this child from walking face first into the wall."

Obi-Wan: We are not calling him Anagain.

Anakin had many mixed feelings but! If he's going to have family then he's going to commit!

The other option is that the brother is younger by enough that the Older Brother instincts kick in, but I think the one-sided twin rivalry is funnier.

Anakin: I'm a big brother now. Anagain: I think we're supposed to be twins. Anakin: I have more worldly experience. Anagain: I'm taller. Anakin: wut Anagain: alpha twin alpha twin (that's his nickname until you come up with actual name lol) Obi-Wan: Well, I'm taller than both of you, and while that is the case you both need to listen to me. Anagain: (flash of foresight) So, not for long Obi-Wan: What? Anagain: Nothing. Mace: (the Shatterpoints are blinding) Yeah, I'll be taking this one. More seriously tho, Anakin definitely torn between what if everyone likes him better he's born from the force what if he's the chosen one what if and also: I have a brother I have family I need to take care of him. Probably some fun twin force bond too. Oh man Sheev after digesting all of that would definitely try to get some jealousy going.

Anakin talks about the new brother with terms like Freshly Hatched and Innocent Baby and it's mostly a joke except that now HE thinks Palps is a creep when it's aimed at Not Him.

Palpatine: When do I get to meet him? Anakin: [absolutely not] Mace won't let him [Yeah that'll work] Mace: Yeah, absolutely not, he didn't help save Naboo there's no reason for my Padawan to have a relationship with the Supreme Chancellor

I've decided to call the brother Aion (EY-yon). I like the whole thing about Anakin's name being based on Ananke, even if it's a disputed thing, so I go for Greek myth when doing alt names for siblings.

Mace still bitter about having to let Palps get time with Anakin not about to do the same if he can help it. Although that comic takes place later eh (handwaves) still The Jedi might try to be hush hush about where aion came from anyway since he would fall directly under Jedi business

Help I'm imagining Mace and Obi-Wan on a walk and the twins are on child leashes. Anakin because ADHD will have him trying to run off to look at something. And Aion because he's going to be so distracted by visions that he will walk into traffic.

"Can we send a letter to mom so she knows he exists?" The other thought was ANAKIN holding the child leash for Aion, and then Obi-Wan or Mace holding the one for Anakin. Lil chain.

Aion: Hey… I know I've only existed for a few months, and yes my memories of before are sort of built by the Force, but I'm pretty sure the Supreme Chancellor is evil. Mace: You saw that in a vision? Aion: No, he's just super creepy. Bad vibes.

Obi-Wan: Of course he's evil, he's a career politician. Anakin: What about your friend from Alderaan? Obi-Wan: That's different.

One of these boys is constantly zoning out. The other is smiling, but the smile contains murder.

They're both adhd but with wildly different sides of it.

EXACTLY

Also.

Aion: [silent, a bit upset but mostly chill] Anakin, holding his hand: He asked for no pickles!

[astralnymphh]

Okay I have this little thought of fucking ellie in lotus position and I literally can’t get it out of my head

Sorry if this is weird I just feel like you could do it justice if you’re comfortable😭

omgg lotus position. that's like.. perfect for ellie cause she loves you straddling her and boobs.. and grabbing handfuls of ass meat. I'll do a little blurb on this but honestly might incorporate this position in a future fic. this feels a bit lazy but i swear im just saving my brain as i start saccharine saturations 2. MDNI ౨ৎ

lotus position with ellie ౨ৎ

let me paint the perspective on this blank canvas. the girl before you, ruby–eared as the budding roses of spring and swamping her sights in you, intoxication, a budding lust to be. the absolute hormone spurts you get whenever ellie drags you atop her lap is utterly intoxicating, utterly. you, sitting vis–à–vis. both of you undertaking the nude. her knees, bent to a perfect splay that opens a little seat just for you, a fleshy, cushiony, linen bedsheet crater. fair skin awash in tawny light, courtesy of the floor lamp abutting to the bed. a light that also reflects a shimmer string off the solid base of her strap, diagonally rested between those manspread legs. chartreuse green encapsulated in a bedroom–eye droopy–lid gaze surrounded by reeds of her deep amber esque lashes curving so softly from her puffy waterlines. an expression that says 'come sit on my lap pretty girl.' while she loiters one of those lusty hands to pose and dab her thigh gently– rippling the tight skin barely and croaking a smoky whisper, "c'mon baby, m' all ready for you now." as her lip corners tug a toothy smirk, folding the bottom lip under to bite. it coils back out, so pliantly, she lures you in tender.

ellie would fuck you so good in lotus. maddenly so, spires of her knobby digits grapple and hook on your ass, soothing softness leaven as milk bread. hairs on her arms, bitsy and tickle inducing, lie plumb from your thighs to your hips and are clasped in the soft layer of elasticity. she kneads your butt like malleable dough and spreads you wide on her pumping cock, lubricous laces lashing from your stuffed slit. the pressure exuded in her fingertips line your ass so perfectly to her roll of hip, she can fuck up into your cunt just right. in this angle, she deepens within you, and you take her unconditionally. plop, plop, palp, the slickening of cum glazes your underside thoroughly and crafts a wet slap whenever her dense hips rut into your cushy pussy lips. in your blurred numbness she finds a mania in seeing you all dog–panting and white–eyed, craning close and curling those sun–baked lips flush on your breast, "fuck that pussy back on me, mhmm, good girl.." brushing skin with her muffled coax. you bounce your bottom in sync with hers, creating a on beat rhythm, but in return her cock bottoms out deeper inside to the point of bulging a knob in your belly. on an ellie's perspective note, she fucking loves suckling upon your tender, risen nipples during sex, so this position basically emboldened her to put those eager lips to use. her gob caves an 'o' shape over your nipple and excitedly flicks her textured tongue over the nub, ever the more inflaming your pussy with euphoria. you card knuckles in her tuft of auburn hair, yanking a grip of locks to which ellie gives your nipple a teensy bite, getting you to yelp. ugh, can't you just visualize that view? a thin gap between your humping bodies, skin clumping and swelling, her perky boobs jiggling with the movements produced, peak of her russet pubes browsing over the harness base– slap! a red sting of fury nips you in the buttcheek, literally. ellie can't get enough of your rump, popping off your breast a moment and slanting her body aside to catch a glimpse of it, freak, indulging another slap. anyways, holding your hips captive to where she needs them, she pipes all the delectable cream she can out of you, grazing that bumpy vein shaft along your ribbed walls with a passion to spite 'unpassions', she coagulates a burning knot inside you, haste without chaste. girl will commit ungodly things to prove how helpless to climax you are on her thickset dick, popping her mouth off your tit to provoke in words of hypocrisy, "feels so good, huh? going dumb on my cock? yeahh? haha, god, can't even see your eyes, fuck." i claim hypocrisy, because we all know damn well with our combined minds that this girl gets dumb on your pussy, folding up her lips to contain the slobber threatening to make her look pussydrunk.

and she is most definetely pussydrunk, moreso in this position, climbing up to a high real fast. chromatically, her moan rises, "uhhhhhhh, yeahahhaaa.. ohh fuck."

how she looks cumming in this position? electrifying. her fawn freckled cheeks overcast in a flush of coral pink, gaping her lips wide and scrunching skin in all the right areas. the chafing pleasure tweaking her clit makes for a good fucking orgasm. her lids embracing the reflex of scantly shutting and gazing up at you, the green in her eyes somehow more vibrant and her pupils blown to a new moon. she just whines a grunty, "hahhh– mhhh, mhhh, yeessss." in a warble while twitching her last final blows against your beaten cervix, cockhead mashing that gummy donut. scarred as your shoulderblades take the toll ten clawing nails can bestow, her fingers whiten away the pigment with the strength issued into your flesh. her own pussy convulses and gathers up a bit of milky cum to streamline in strings along her perineum, dripping like dew onto the bed. you're ways from comparable, though, spraying your clear orgasm all over her. she'll praise you through her tale of moans, groaning, "uhhh yeah, get that cock all filthy– filthy, filthy, filthhh– fuuckkkk.." strands of her hair stick in an untidy manner beyond her hairline, shadowing that gloss of sweat narrowly. then, she dwindles down to a smile, a smile to bury. burying kisses in your sternum, she peppers up and up with a sudden awash of elation walking hand–in–hand with exhaustion. shaky nubs of her fingertips press and drag sweaty over the blushed marks given in her high, almost writing an apology to the poor scratches. looser skin of your back bulges and ribs between her waxy digits, cooling with a pasty ache. the weeping of pores after sex was no joke, no lie. and ellie intended to lick every puny dollop of it from your body. "l'mme clean you up.." she mumbles droney as a meadow bee barming your ears with a measly melody, voice muted in your neck. you reply, fumbly out of breath, "oh, a bath? i could really use a–" the chambré stamp of her tongue unfurls blunt to your neck, nudging up a spit trail along the skin. by clean you up, she just means lick you like a dog. i personally live for ellie doing that. you bumble, "ellie?" and she just garbles back, lips obviously occupied, "let me, mhh, clean you up.." and slipping a gritty chuckle in the depths of her throat, shrugging her shoulders a bit.

don't even get me started on ellie licking you up and down after sex.

[other-peoples-coats]

struck by the idea where, For Reasons, plan saddest desert hermit doesn't get off the ground and team proto-rebellion have to pivot and pivot fast.

chucking the conspiracy equivalent of a uey at 100mph on the highway, and everyone involved is sleep deprived, stressed as fuck, and experiencing y'know, several levels of Devastating Grief.

the person with the brain cell is bail organa, a man who in canon spends like 20 fucking years playing ding dong ditch with a genocidal psychic space wizard and his boss, an even more genocidal space wizard. This man is not lacking in gumption, one can say. he is possessed of life threatening amounts of chutzpah, one might also say, except that he spends twenty years winning the ding dong ditch match with, again, a genocidal fascist dictatorship which includes two genocidal psychic space wizards who literally know he was in tight with the genocided group of space wizards plus the [mumble] number of other murderous genocidal space wizards, plus the rest of the non-space wizard space fascist cohort.

So. What does a man with a spine of steel, a heart as big as a planet, and more gumption than anyone should possess do, when plan 'split up the kids and hide the most famous man in the galaxy on the saddest hell planet' is a no go?

lie. lie like a fucking rug.

What's palpatine going to do? day one of the empire, his super awesome chosen one space wizard makeover project is still in progress and not yet wheezing his way into the galaxy's nightmares, and bail fucking organa strolls into the imperial senate with:

one (1) baby (female)

one (1) baby (male)

several (~20+) aides and various hangers on, including;

one (1) brown haired blue eyed man who could, if you squinted a bit, probably get third place in a general kenobi lookalike competition, were those now not super duper illegal

Sidious, of course, could be like A JEDI KILL HIM TRAITOR ETC, but, crucially, his wheezing attack dog is still on the lab table getting seven inches added to his height and cup holders installed, or whatever the fuck skeevy sheev added in as extras. Palpatine is an old guy who is still trading on being A Beloved Grandfather who was Reluctant To Take The Throne, and is still easing the galaxy into the whole, y'know, we're a fascist empire now, kneel or perish.

Palpatine, on day one of the empire, can't point at bail fucking organa and be like HABOURING A TRAITOR unless he is really, really sure, like 110% sure, because it's bail fucking organa and every goddamn senator will baulk like a horse at a plastic bag if he accuses, again, the senator of alderaan of high treason on day one of the empire.

A secret rebellion is fine, if not ideal; you can theoretically stamp it out, and, also, it's small, percentage wise.

The entire fucking galaxy thinking that, hey, if the guy in charge is going to go after fucking alderaan, what's to stop him going after us? bigger problem. huge problem. original trilogy kinda touched on that one. Day one of the empire, everyone is still basically on war footing, and fuck man, if alderaan is copping it....maybe this empire isn't great after all. maybe we can make our OWN empire, with a different emperor.

Would palps win? eh maybe. would it destroy all credibility forever and ever amen? yeah. the difference between a 'legally installed emperor' and 'a dictator we must overthrow' is how willing the galaxy is to lick boot, and there's not yet the fear of The Empire black bagging you to keep those tongues going.

so. palpatine can't say shit. palpatine can imply shit, palpatine can get his lackies to say shit. but, crucially, palpatine himself can't say fuck all about the goddamn kenobi lookalike that is now following after organa and wiping his kid's little butts and playing gofer and whatever else.

and what's more believable? bail fucking organa is hiding a traitor, or bail organa and his wife have a situationship with a guy who looks sort of a bit like a former general? the same kind of situationship that like, half the senate has had at one point or another with a guy (or guys) who looked sort of a bit like said ex-general. go to any high level business and/or political building, you'll find half a dozen guys who look vaguely like said hot ex-general, and many of them will have a more or less (often less) accurate coruscanti-ish accent. or will develop one.

(hey, it's a niche. gotta pay the bills somehow, and if you get the job because you dyed your hair and grew a beard, well, you're still using your political science degree, right?)

of course, that only holds for so long, but by that point it's been, y'know, a while. and that looks worse in a different way -- what, kenobi was fucking walking around in front of the whole imperial senate, and none of them noticed? absolutely not, all credibility is gone forever.

which means. that palpatine and the organas are stuck in a full on staring match about this guy who is 100% for sure not kenobi, because -- well. he can't be kenobi. becuase that would look bad. but also. it's kenobi. but also. it can't be kenobi.

(vader takes one look at this guy who looks like his master kenobi and then rolls his eyes, because he has already met aproximately 90,000 people who look vaugely like his master and he got very good at picking out how the newest one was not kenobi his master by the time he was a senior padawan.)

[weepylucifer]

other clone commanders: cody you're unhinged for this. if anyone finds out they will summarily execute you. this is probably treason

cody who never committed an infraction larger than "i stole an extra ration bar from the mess hall on kamino" before and now suddenly has a sith lord sized dirty secret: *sweating* it is fine. i will maintain opsec

maul appearing in the middle of a battlefield accompanied by a windows fail sound effect: hello lover. who is opsec

in general there's a reason why i pounced on it when i saw that five people out there were writing cody/maul and it's only 40% attraction to maul. the rest of it is...

it's all about cody making his own choices. a certain subset of the fandom sees him as a flat character who knows only how to obey orders and shoot blaster. another subset of the fandom sees him as only ever wanting to please obi-wan and worship obi-wan and be liked by obi-wan. but if he's truly his own person, not a wind-up soldier, not an object obi-wan owns, then he should also have room to make decisions that are objectively reckless, foolhardy and terrible (and i think his characterization allows room for that. this is the "let's tackle grievous" guy). decisions such as "i want a whirlwind romance with a wildly dangerous, fantastically horrible angry red dude whom my general actively hates"

let cody do things obi-wan would disagree with! let cody do things that would make obi-wan baffled and aghast! let cody do maul opress

[starpains]

A multiverse sorta fic where Anakin touches some holocron or whatevs (it’s always a holocron tho isn’t it) and gets thrown from AU to AU, all of them being Ewan McGregor’s movies/shows lol, but it’s Obi-Wan. So we’d get chef Obi-Wan, fashion designer Obi-Wan, mafia boss Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan and his clone (looking at you The Island for the DP porn lol), and more…

And you know, they either already are or end up falling for each other and fucking in every verse cause they’re star crossed lovers or sth.

Then, the last one he’s thrown into is the Kenobi show—his own verse after he fucked it all up—and Obi-Wan is looking at him like he’s seen a ghost in all his damaged, infinitely sad glory and Anakin fucking aches. They end up fucking, don’t even need to fall in love cause they already are, duh.

And then, the holocron is finally used up and he goes back to being in his early 20s in the middle of the clone wars, a changed man, wondering how to get with his Obi-Wan. Of course, when he manages, he never falls to the dark side.

The galaxy is saved, the readers get what they craved, everybody cries, only Palps dies, poor Pads finds comfort in lesbian sex, now that Anakin is her ex. 🎤 🎵

A time-travel fix it of sorts, if you squint?

[wantonlywindswept]

adopted baby Guard Din idea that I am never going to write

because it would involve logistics and quiet moments and idle life which I am very down for reading but cannot for the LIFE of me actually sit down and write

So the war ends, Palps is outed as a Sith and an asshole and dies somehow, and the Senate eventually decides that the clones do count as people and thus are allowed to leave the GAR if they want. Give the bureaucrats another few years and they might even give out backpay and citizenship, so long as you stay in the service--wait what do you mean the entire Guard is resigning. What do you mean they've already left orbit?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE NOW MILLIONS OF FILES ON THE HOLONET ABOUT THE SENATE'S SHADY DEALINGS???

Guard, collectively: lol cya suckers

Fox is of course one of the last ones out, and since this was all planned on the down low, everyone's been split into groups so they can take commercial flights, since they're not about to be accused of stealing ships. (They also leave their weapons and their armor behind, in a giant macabre pile in the middle of Corrie HQ. Even their helmets, their faces, they discard: it's time for a rebirth.)

He and Thorn and a few other Corries have a stopover on some tiny station, waiting a week for a delayed transport to arrive, and in the meantime they're approached by some locals who just fled the planet below. Separatist remnants attacked their homes, forcing them to leave everything and everyone behind; can the big strong clones do anything about it?

The Big Strong Clones: Oh shit we finally get to kick some Seppie ass? Sign us the FUCK up.

The eager group does not include Fox, who could not care less about the Separatists and would very much like to finally catch up on his sleep. Unfortunately that means that the group that goes down to the planet is Unsupervised.

(Thorn does not count as supervision. Thorn, bereft of Senate oversight, has finally allowed his Inner Chaos Gremlin to fully emerge. Thorn needs more supervision than the shinies.)

Thorn, three days later, waking Fox from half-hearted sleep by dropping an entire natborn child on him: Hey boss, look what we found! None of the refugees claimed him, so we called dibs. Can we keep him? Fox, staring at the child: ...

Din, staring back: ...

Fox: ...no..?

Din: *sad but understanding big brown eyes*

Fox: Nevermind this is my child now.

Din has gone from two parents to one parent and hundreds of overprotective brothers.

Eventually his group makes it to their destination, Din in tow. I am uncertain of what the destination is but it is a planet that is as far away from Coruscant that the Corries could find. I am tempted for Tatooine not because I like Tatooine (I share Anakin's loathing of sand and deserts) but because Luke's description of Tatooine in ANH was 'if there's a bright center to the universe, this is the planet the furthest from'. 

Corries, hearing that: Fuck it sounds perfect. 

Anyway they make it to Tatooine, there is probably purchasing of some shitty land/buildings that nobody wants out in the wastes bc crime, scum, villainy, etc, but it's not like they have problems taking care of anything that tries to mess with them. 

Where did they get the funds?

Shh don't ask about it.

Stone takes up moisture farming. Thire takes up farming-farming. Thorn shoots gleefully at anything that shows up unannounced within a ten-mile radius. Literally everybody dotes on Din. There are a surprising amount of peaceful days.

Eventually some dumb shiny goes: Hey don't kids need friends? Shouldn't we set up some playdates for him or something?

The shiny is not called dumb for asking the question, but they are called dumb for thinking that the question would only ever be taken rhetorically. Fox disappears for two weeks and then comes back with a black eye and a yowling hissing Boba tucked under one arm, looking stupidly pleased with himself.

(Boba is also pleased to be back with people he knows will keep him safe. Boba will not admit to this under threat of death or dismemberment. Boba is a SERIOUS SCARY ADULT BOUNTY HUNTER.)

Boba also decides he will be Mortal Enemies with Din, which after about ten minutes of meeting him morphs into If Anyone Hurts Din I Will Kill Everyone In This Room And Then Myself because all clones be the same, really.

Din has gained another brother/bestie. (Or potential future boyfriend, whichever floats your boat.)

Somehow they still end up overthrowing the Hutts.

Officially the GAR knew and knows nothing about the Guard leaving Coruscant as soon as the metaphorical paint was dry on their sentient status.

Unofficially Fox's batch harangues him every single day for photos of his new kid(s). They eventually show up unannounced, demanding time with their nephew. (They are shot at by Thorn.)

Din gains five new uncles.

The batch proudly show pics and holos to their battalions. Din gains millions of new uncles.

Fox finally gets a full night's sleep.