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moviesrotbrains · 4 years ago

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George A. Romero Day

I was nine or ten when I first saw Tom Savini’s NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1990) remake. It wasn’t my first horror film. FRANKENSTEIN (1931) was an early memory, and a giant life-sized poster of his monster1 protected my room from nightmares. I’d often dream of Freddy Krueger despite never having seen any of his films at that point. Horror was everywhere in the 1980s.

I was in awe of LIVING DEAD ‘90. The idea of being trapped in a house with evils lurking outside. The paranoia that brewed among the humans… how the humans became monsters long before they were even bit. It was heavy stuff at the time. I don’t know if I drew parallels to all of this or simply thought, “Wow, those intense zombie fights that would make a cool NES game!”2

Savini’s redo was probably my first actual zombie experience. Again, I had seen zombies in other media, most like Scooby Doo or whatever other Saturday morning cartoon cribbed and remixed the undead concept to sell toys or comicbooks.

It was a few years later that I finally got to see George A. Romero’s original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968). I can’t recall if I first saw it on TV or an actual repertory screening of it. Memory is weird that way. I do remember being thoroughly blown away by it, despite more or less having memories of the plot from that remake.

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I never had a problem with Black & White movies, having already been a full on film-junkie at that point, but somehow that black & white depiction of old school zombies felt hyper real. Unsettling. Fucking cool as hell. Unerving. Or maybe I was just a dumb kid. Oh, I definitely was a dumb kid, and still am, but that moment cemented George Romero in the pantheon of cinematic greats. Didn’t matter what else he did, he made NOTLD. He made a weighty zombie film full of social commentary and subtext.3 He popularized zombies. He didn’t need to do anything else.

Oh, but he did. He so did.

It was around the time I was starting to consume more horror4 that a classmate had cut some scenes into a film project we were working on. My jaw was on the floor when I first saw the gory display of gritty carnage.

“This is from the 70s?”

I knew so little. I definitely didn’t know those effects were also by Tom Savini, but everything was coming full circle, and that was one of the key moments that I fell in love with Savini without even knowing.

“You never seen this? Here, man, I’ll loan you it.”

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And that was when I first saw Romero’s DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978). Take some people of various walks of life and have them take refuge in an empty mall-- only to find the Zombies have returned to the place they frequented most.

“WHEN THERE’S NO ROOM IN HELL, THE DEAD WILL WALK THE EARTH!”

DOTD ‘78, The brutal and hilarious takedown of consumption and mall culture. Social Commentary, Zombie Gags, and Sick Kills. A film that’s loved by both critics and horror junkies. A film that said something and also entertained. George Romero in a nutshell.

A film that also became my gateway drug to Good Horror. And to Bad Horor. Again, I already loved horror. I loved the aesthetic, the vibe. Always drew monsters. Always collected weird monster toys. If a film was playing on a movie channel, I’d watch it.

But Romero’s DAWN OF THE DEAD was THE film that made me WANT to actually seek them out. The film that made me want to rewatch my older brother’s old worn Betamax tapes of classic 80s horror flicks. A film that introduced me to Dario Argento.5 A movie that got me into the music of Italian Horror Prog Rock legends, GOBLIN. The life changing event that made me a nut for Savini and every 80s fx guru around. A story that made we want to watch every zombie film I possibly could. Good or Bad, and there’s a lot of bad out there. But there’s also a lot of good. So much good.

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Romero’s DAY OF THE DEAD (1985) is one of those good zombie films. I saw a midnight screening with my dad at that same repertory cinema.6 This was Romero’s third DEAD film and took place on a military base. It introduced the concept of the military studying, training, and weaponizing the living dead. It also has one of the freakiest scenes involving hands and walls that still rattles me to this day. It has a stomach churning scene involving a ripped stomach. It’s wonderful, largely in part to once again utilizing Savini’s talents, as well as Greg Nicotero and Howard Berger-- who years later brought THE WALKING DEAD to your homes. Romero’s legacy still felt to this day.

That being said, Romero’s legacy was far more than just Zombie films, of course. He made a film, that’s rather timely now7, about a plague that made people crazy called... THE CRAZIES (1973). There was another about a vampire wannabe named MARTIN (1978). A spectacular 80s horror anthology film series called CREEPSHOW8 (1982 & 1987). And a wonderfully bizarre film about a homicidal monkey named, appropriately enough, MONKEY SHINES (1988). I saw that last one before I even knew who he was but I never really forgot it. And those are just a few.

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He revisited his LIVING DEAD films with additional sequels in the 2000s and 2010s and was working on another up until his death. I was very lucky to briefly thank him during a convention, a year or so before he passed. Thanked him for the films. For everything.

He didn’t just impact me, of course. He impacted the people he worked with, who’ve gone on to impact other people in turn. He’s impacted the fans who got into horror because of him. He’s impacted the horror fans who weren’t even fans of his, because they most definitely liked something that was made by someone who was inspired by George Romero.

You’ll see it with a DOTD’s actor cameo in a Rob Zombie film, or a gruesome creature effect in a micro-budget classic. You’ll see it in a modern classic like TRAIN TO BUSAN (2016) or while laughing your guts out at SHAWN OF THE DEAD (2004).

We aren’t just talking about movies, we’re talking books, music, and video games. 90s SIMPSON’s references. We’re talking art, tattoos, and comics. RPGs, Board games, Toys, and Funko Pops. Those Halloween decorations you keep in your home all year long . The clothes you wear. Your creepy and kooky badass goth aesthetic. A lot of what we love about horror today is thanks to George A. Romero.

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He didn’t create zombies… but he certainly gave them life. He did more than that. He made horror important again.

I can’t do justice to George A. Romero with words. His work speaks for itself. So today, on what would have been his 81st Birthday, watch some Romero. If you’re out there quarantining, staying at home, under a curfew, and fearing the unfathomable, infectious dangers lurking outside your door… definitely watch Romero.

This decade is off to a weird start, luckily we have Romero’s influence to get us through it.

Happy Birthday, George! And thank you for infecting me with horror.

-Theo Radomski, MOVIES ROT BRAINS

photo via Global News

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ENDNOTES FROM THE GRAVE

1. And you know what? I still call him Frankenstein. Because he’s essentially his son. That’s his creation. And Victor would have had the hubris to name his creation after himself if he had not abandoned that poor schlub. But I digress…

2. Actually, that’s exactly what I thought. And about 30 years later, Zombies are still a staple of modern video gaming, from Resident Evil and Doom still going strong after three decades, to Call of Duty and Red Dead Redemption still having Zombie mods. To every friggin’ game out there that has any undead horror creeping about. The nine-year-old me is having a blast right now.

3. I had definitely caught on the subtext and themes by that point that I may have missed while watching the remake as a kid. Still a dumb kid, though.

4. Thanks in part to HBO’s TALES FROM THE CRYPT reruns on FOX. Expect another nonsensical rambling piece on that show and the 50s comics that inspired it sometime in the future.

5. And that opened the doorway into Giallo, Fulci, and a whole slew of Italian Exploitation and American Slasher films and that’s a whole other long screed for another time.

6. My dad was another reason I love this genre. He loved horror movies. I still hear his voice in my head saying, “Ooooh, It’s a Scary Movie!” in his German accent.

7. Actually, aren’t they all?

8. Which has also had a revival in the form of Shudder’s excellent new CREEPSHOW anthology series made by Romero’s DAY OF THE DEAD Alumni Greg Nicotero! See how it’s all connected?

#HORROR #GEORGE ROMERO #NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD #DAWN OF THE DEAD #DAY OF THE DEAD #ZOMBIES #HORROR MOVIES #george a. romero #monkey shines #creepshow #graveyard ramblings #moviesrotbrains #movies rot brains

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kathyprior4200 · 5 years ago

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The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno

(What it says on the back)

“You poor sack of former human skin and sin. You died and are stuck in Hell. Now what? Fear not, for in this book, you shall find the answers to seek on what you need to know to survive the inferno. You’ll learn how to stay safe and entertain yourself during the Extermination. You’ll get a sneak peek on the origins of voodoo, radio, and Jambalaya. And as for becoming a better person and getting out of this mess? You’re probably stuck here forever until you die again, but this book will provide you with handy information and a much needed cure for your boredom!”

*Includes a free pamphlet for the Hazbin Hotel and how to tune in to 66.6 FM.*

About the author: Alastor “Hazbin” Cajun was born January 24, 1896 in New Orleans, Louisiana. He died in 1933 and is now one of the most powerful demons Hell has ever seen. In his spare time, he loves broadcasting his murders on the radio, cooking meals, making dolls, and performing. As of 2020, he is 87 years old in Hell and 124 years chronologically. However, his friend princess Charlie is 200 + years old, despite having the appearance of a teenager!”

This is a story of a book, a book called “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno”--not an Earth book, never published on Earth, and until the Exterminations occurred, no Earthling has ever heard of it.

It is a remarkable book in Hell, though.

It is highly successful, written by the one and only Radio Demon Alastor. It’s more successful than Angel Dust’s “Guns, and Poses: Turf Wars in Style,” “Lust is a Must,” and “Being Gay in a World of Macho Sinners.” Unfortunately for the following authors, Charlie Magne’s book “Rainbows Inside Everyone” remains one of the lowest ranked books along with Vaggie’s “Men Are Pigs.”

Alastor got his book revised by his associate Niffty and published by Husk (after bribing him with money and booze. Niffty had to help him with the publishing process and stop him from using his money to bet on who would win the local Hellhound races.) Alastor hopes that his book will soon topple Hell’s number one bestseller from the king of Hell: Lucifer Magne’s “Fall From Grace.”

It has many passages that may be inaccurate, and it does warn the reader never to cross said Radio Demon, unless they’re curious about what their organs look like from the outside.

The majority of this story is broadcasted on radio, for if all the info were piled in a book, it’d take several leagues of demons to carry it.

There are many benefits to this book. This book is slightly cheaper than Angel Dust’s works and it has the word “Smile!” written in large friendly letters on the cover. In an old fashioned TV is the number 66, the meaning of life in Hell.

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about Jambalaya: (Page 14)

“Jambalaya is a traditional dish that originated in Louisiana in the 18th century. The dish was a result of attempts to make a variation of paella for Spanish colonists. Although the recipe was adapted by the Spanish, but Senegalese slaves brought the knowledge of rice cultivation form West Africa. German immigrants brought their secrets of sausage making to Cajun country. And one can’t forget the influence of French and Native Americans, whom contributed more flavor. (meaning they likely added peppers and seasoning, not their own flesh).

“Jambalaya consists of rice, sausage, shrimp, and a variety of vegetables mixed together in a tasty gumbo. The “holy trinity” mixture consists of diced onion, celery, and bell peppers, a necessity for flavor in regards to the traditional method.

Common meats used are smoked pork sausage, paired with chicken, though diced ham, shrimp, crabmeat or crawfish can also be added.

There are two main types of Jambalaya: Red Jambalaya, also known as Creole Jambalaya, due to the use of red tomatoes and Brown Jambalaya, more often used in Cajun country. Both are equally tasty.

Jambalaya is a rice dish, thus it is not a gumbo nor is it etouffee. Gumbo is more like soup and etouffee is more like a stew.

Fun Fact: hunting is a beloved pastime in south Louisiana. It’s not uncommon for hunters to add game like duck, pheasant, and venison to their Jambalaya recipe. (Venison is my personal favorite, especially after a good hunt.) If you really want to go bold, feel free to add small slices of human meat to create a unique lighter pork flavor.)

Do be warned: Jambalaya is no simple dish to make at times. It is a bad idea to add gunpowder and or wasabi to the dish. Doing so will likely result in the dish exploding in your poor mother’s face. Indeed, my mother’s recipe nearly killed her when she drank too much Southern Comfort Whisky ™ and decided that adding gunpowder was a great idea. Her face was burnt badly afterwards and there may have been a few slabs of her dark skin that fell into the dish. When I tasted it, the kick was straight outta Hell! The spice and chaotic spin of flavor…fantastic!”

Here’s how to make it in a nutshell: brown your meat, sautee your vegetables, add rice, add liquid bring to a boil, stir, reduce heat and simmer for 20-25 minutes. Add them all together.

For full instructions, see the next page.

For instructions on how to hunt deer, see page 20.”

Reference:

McCormick, “Jambalaya Recipes, History, and FAQs.”

https://www.mccormick.com/zatarains/jambalaya

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about Voodoo, Hoodoo and dark magic (Page 177)

“According to Benjamin Radford, Voodoo is a pop-culture subpart of Voudon, an Afro-Caribbean religion that originated in Haiti. Followers can be found all over the world, including the United States. Leslie Desmangles, Haitian professor at Hartford’s Trinity College describes Voodoo as a system of ethics, stories, songs, proverbs, and folklore that is passed down through generations. It is an elaborate folk medical practice system and to her, it is a way of life. (“The Encyclopedia of the Paranormal” Prometheus Books, 1996.)

In Voodoo belief, Bondye is the unknowable and the supreme creator God. Voudon emphasizes the worship of spirits called Loa, each one who represents a different aspect of life. Loas can help or impede human affairs by possessing the bodies of their worshippers. They can be good or bad or anywhere in between, so it’s best to always treat them with respect and leave proper offerings (not human sacrifice but more like animals, plants, gems etc.) Spiritual possession in Christianity is considered to be evil, but not in Voudon. In a ceremony guided by a priest or priestess, a connection to the spirit world and the ancestors is said to be an invaluable experience. Many practitioners believe in reincarnation.

Voodoo deities are as follows:

Loa Nations:

Rada – (creation, orderly, beneficial, water spirits)

Petro – (destruction, aggressive, warlike, New World)

Ghede – (spirits of the dead, loud, rude fun family, eating glass and hot peppers)

Kongo – Marinette, Simbi (water serpents, plants, poisons)

Nago – Ogoun –Loa of craftsmen, metalwork

Deities:

Bondye: The creator god in the Voodoo religion and the loa answer to him. The loa serve as intermediaries between man and Bondye.

Papa Legba: Sun god Loa associated with the crossroads and serves as an intermediary between man and the spirit world. In some places, he is seen as a fertility god, portrayed with a large erect phallus. In other customs, he is a trickster, or he may be a protector of children. He is associated with red and black, portrayed as an old man with a straw hat accompanied by a dog. He is always the first god to be invoked in ceremonies.

Kalfu: moon god and ruler of the night. Patron deity of sorcerers, and those who practice black magic. He rules bad luck, destruction, and injustices. His favorite drink is rum laced with gunpowder. He is often seen as a darker version of Papa Legba.

Maman Brigitte: Loa associated with death and the underworld. She is the consort of Baron Samedi and is often represented by a black rooster. She is also considered a goddess of justice. Rum and hot peppers are her favorite diet.

Maman Brigitte is portrayed as a light-skinned woman with red hair, it is said that she could be descended from Brigid, the Celtic goddess of the hearth fires and domestic life.

Baron Samedi: Husband of Maman Brigitte, Baron Samedi is the god of death and is both respected and feared as the keeper of cemeteries. He often appears skeletal, wearing a top hat and formal tails and dark glasses. He is also a god of resurrection; only he can welcome a soul to the realm of the dead.

He is known for lewd behavior, swearing, and mating with other women. He is connected to powerful acts of magic and is the leader of the Guede, the family of loa who work with the dead.

Erzulie: goddess of beauty and love, epitome of femininity and womanhood. She represents the cosmic womb in which divinity and humanity are conceived. Erzulie often grieves that which she cannot obtain, and sometimes leaves a ceremony weeping. She is sometimes represented as a black Madonna and other times as an upper class woman in fine clothing and jewelry.

Her three husbands are the war god Ogun, the sea god Agwe and Damballah. Erzulie feels sadness due to the broken hearts of humans.

Loco: The god of wild vegetation, herbs and fruits for killing or healing. He is also the patron deity of doctors and Voodoo priests. His wife is the market goddess Ayzian (also deity of Voodoo priestesses).

Shango: God of fire, judge, fighter, symbolized by double-axe or ram’s horn.

Ogun: War god Loa associated with blacksmiths, warriors, and justice. Practitioners call upon Ogun for matters related to war and conflict and likes offerings of male roosters and dogs. He is symbolized by an iron knife or machete and has a fondness for pretty women and rum.

Ogun stood as Ghede Nibo’s godfather and adopted him.

Oya: goddess of wind, fire, sea, nature and sudden change.

Damballah: The creator of gods and humanity who helped Bondye make the cosmos and is represented by a giant serpent. His coils shaped the heavens and earth and he is the keeper of knowledge, wisdom, and healing magic. Damballah looks after the crippled, albinos, and children. Erzulie is his consort. He loves silver. His son, Simbi is a white snake god who brings rain.

Ayida: The goddess of the rainbow and primary wife to creator Damballah. The pair manifest as intertwined serpents. Ayida also serves as a fertility goddess. Her favorite offerings are white food. Ayizan, her daughter, is goddess of the marketplace and of initiation into the sacred truths, making her the head Mambo (Voodoo priestess.)

Oshun: One of the Orishas, Oshun is a goddess connected to rivers and water. She is associated with wealth, pleasure, love, beauty, and sexuality. Oshun’s colors are orange and golden yellow, green and coral.

Yemaya: motherly goddess of the sea

Obatala: Goddess of the heavens, personification of creative energy: old with white hair

Agwe: The god of the sea and patron deity of sailors and fishermen. Agwe taught humans how to fish and build boats. He is one of the husbands of the love goddess Erzulie. Agwe is green-eyed and dresses like a naval officer.

Zaca: The god of agriculture and the harvest. He dresses in denims and a straw hat. Zaca smokes a pipe, drinks from bottles of rum and wields a machete.

Marassa: Mawa and Lisa: divine twins: male and female energy, personify sun and moon

Radford states that Roman Catholicism imposed their religious beliefs onto many civilizations, including African slaves. The Africans and African Americans combined Catholicism with their West African beliefs. A 1685 law forbade the practice of African religions in the U.S. In fact, slavery was accepted as a tool to convert Africans to Christianity. In the process, many of their spirits became associated with Christian saints.

Even though slavery ended in the 1800’s, followers of Voudon were still persecuted by authorities, and their religion was demonized. In an 1889 book titled “Hayti, or the Black Republic” (Filiquarian, 2012), Voudon was falsely attributed to cannibalism, human sacrifice, and other atrocities. This helped to spread fear of the religion…portraying certain aspects like voodoo dolls, dark magic, zombies etc. in media and literature. Added onto that, it also strengthened racist stereotypes: African Americans were viewed as “primal,” and “savage,” due to their practices and behaviors as perceived by those outside their culture.

Voodoo has gained more respect in modern times, but all too many people don’t know the truth about it. Even today, many Christians associate Voudon and Voodoo with Satanism and the occult. Interestingly enough, voodoo dolls have little to do with the actual rituals.

Here’s how I found out about Voodoo. It started a long time ago back when I was alive. My mother Loretta was Creole, and her ancestors came from Haiti. She told me that my grandmother Antoinette Duvalier was a powerful Voodoo priestess who once lived in Haiti but immigrated to the U.S. as a slave. Even though she was treated like dirt by the predominant owners and whites, she was well respected by those who knew her. Legend states that she was related to Marie LaLaurie, (1787-1849), New Orleans serial killer, cruel to Creole slaves. In fact, my cousin is Clementine Barnabet, a Louisiana voodoo priestess and serial killer, killed families with an axe.

Needless to say, my mother followed in her footsteps as much as possible. Though during her life, she mostly had to work in low level secretary jobs as women didn’t have many opportunities. She taught me everything there was to know about Voodoo, cooking, singing, sewing, (and yes, cannibalism in dire circumstances, though she didn’t like to talk about that.) She warned me multiple times that magic was, indeed, real, and to never use it for evil. There were “evil” Loas as well as “good” ones. She told me that Voodoo wasn’t about cannibalism or sacrifice.

As you can imagine, I didn’t listen in the long run. For several reasons.

One was my father, Louis. A white, strong man with black hair, a mustache and French heritage. He constantly tried to shove the Bible down my throat. He would whip and abuse me whenever I didn’t meet his expectations of being a man. That bastard would sleep with other women behind my mother’s back but of course, she couldn’t do anything about it.

I was scared of him. I was tempted to cry whenever he would hit her for no apparent reason. But both my parents told me to always smile, so I did. I’ve learned to hide my emotions and keep up a façade ever since. It’s necessary when you’re a radio host by day and a serial killer by night. Nobody would suspect a friendly comedian to be the Bayou Butcher/Louisiana Lunatic of New Orleans. It’s how I managed to get away with my actions for so long until my brutal death by dogs and being shot in the head.

Two was the opportunity for power. I learned that in a hard life of bullying at school, and blatant racism for being of mixed heritage, you take any opportunity that comes your way.

I was so caught up in the prospects of deal making that even I started to believe the cannibalism and misconceptions of Voodoo.

Basically, I came across a Satanic ritual book dropped by a group of imps from Hell on accident. It was in this book that I learned about spells, cannibalism, and black magic. I came upon a passage with instructions on how to gain near unlimited power in the afterlife. I made a deal with Kalfu and the Petro Loas of destruction. (My mother supported the benevolent Rada like I did once.) It was a risky one: to gain such power, I would have to bear witness to at least three deaths, a victim, a loved one…and myself. Turns out it all happened, after I killed many victims in Kalfu’s name, and when I eventually died. My mother died from the Spanish Flu and my father got what he deserved after I tracked him down and tortured him. Strangely enough, whether it’d be guilt or his meat I ate, I felt sick for several days afterwards.

My deal with Kalfu and the dark Loas was how I got my current powers in Hell. You probably noticed my use of blood magic and how red voodoo symbols hover in the air whenever I use my powers. Not to mention me having control over voodoo imps, dolls, and shadow spirits. I am quite powerful, but I can’t use too much at once…it can be very taxing to use dark magic. But that deal was well worth it and now I make deals with other demons around at times. It’s how I got Husk and Niffty on my side…I summon them and they have no choice but to assist me!”

References:

Radford, Benjamin, (2013). “Voodoo: Facts About Misunderstood Religion” LiveScience. https://www.livescience.com/40803-voodoo-facts.html

https://www.white-magic-help.net/About_White_Magic/Voodoo_History_Basic_Principles_Background.html

https://www.learnreligions.com/voodoo-gods-4771674

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about Cannibalism (Page 65)

“Along with deer meat, jambalaya and many other kinds of food, I also have a rare fondness for eating humans and demons. You’re probably thinking: ‘Oh god, how gross and horrible! Who in their right mind would eat their own kind?’

Apparently, there are some tribes and a few cultures in the world that still engage in the practice. Not to mention several killers throughout the years. There are many kinds of animals such as the cane toad and redneck spider, who eat their own kind. Human ancestors have engaged in the act for survival, or ritual purposes. And in Hell, it’s as common as getting into fights with other demons.

In early history of human species, human and Neanderthals coexisted together, interbred, ate together and sometimes ate each other. Homo antecessor, the last common ancestor between Neanderthals and modern humans would often eat rival group members. Early humans in Europe practiced ritual cannibalism.

Around the 12th century, human remains were incorporated into medical practices for remedies. “Corpse medicine” remained in use until the late 18th century. The Aztec and the Inca engaged in cannibalism as part of a sacrificial religious rite. In Germany, some executioners would sell leftover body parts as medicine. Human fat was sold as a remedy for arthritis and broken bones. Apothecaries stored fat, flesh and bone…and let’s not forget that some people eat their own placentas in modern times.

The word “cannibalism” comes from the name that the Spanish gave to the Caribs/Canibales. The Caribs were engaged in anti-colonial battles with European powers…claiming they were cannibals may have been a fear propaganda tactic by the Spanish.

In Montaigne’s late 1500s essay “Of Cannibals,” shows an anthropological record of the Tupi people in what is now Brazil. They would taunt their captives by “entertain[ing] them with threats of their own death.”

In early America, while some Native American tribes practiced cannibalism, some colonists had to resort to it, such as the Jamestown colony in 1610.

But the public commonly associates cannibalism with the Donner-Party, groups of people that were snowbound in the Sierra Mountains in 1846-47.

Famine in the USS in the 1920s and 30s took millions of lives and forced survivors to turn to cannibalism, an event known as the Great Chinese Famine.

In modern times, cannibalism is still an acceptable practice in some tribes in New Guinea, like the Korowai tribe. Until the 1950s, the Fore people ate the bodies of relatives as they believed it would cleanse their spirits.

Also, do not try self-cannibalism…you will die and I will find it hilarious. In fact, eating humans is considered taboo nearly everywhere because eating humans can make you sick. This is especially true if you eat the brain. Eating the brain can cause kuru, a brain disease similar to mad cow disease. Like any kind of meat, human meat much be properly cooked and prepared. But as I’m an undead demon, I can eat myself and others no problem. I don’t really know how I managed to survive when I ate my victims more often when I was human.

There are tons of ways to prepare humans and demons and I have used them all:

Baking in the oven

Grilling

Frying in a pan

Steaming in a pot

Barbeque

Cooking over a fire pit

Chopping them on a board and eating raw pieces

Swallowing whole

References:

Edwards, Phil. (2015) “& Surprising Facts About Cannibalism” Vox. https://www.vox.com/2015/2/17/8052239/cannibalism-surprising-facts

Talal Al-Khatib (May 13, 2015) “Cannibalism: A History of People Who Eat People.” Seeker. https://www.seeker.com/cannibalism-a-history-of-people-who-eat-people-1769840684.html

(Using a website with Vox’s name on it…life is a big slap in the face.)

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about Radio Broadcasting (Page 5)

“Many folks call me the Radio Demon for good reason. One of my signature skills is the ability to broadcast what goes on around me anytime, anywhere. I’ve always loved being on center stage…I was a bit of a theater nut back in primary school. Fun fact: My shadow and I can travel through radios and produce static in the outside world in Hell.

One of the neat things about being a radio host is you can spread news to anyone in different places in the world…and no one even has to see you. In my human life, it provided me with a stable career and something to occupy my mind. My favorite things to talk about were dad jokes, cooking food, singing songs, and of course, murders that had happened. My broadcasts had to go underground when my descriptions of murders became graphic, both when I did them and when other killings were reported on the news.

My career wasn’t easy to start off with…it was quite a competitive business and I was lucky to start off as a janitor and radio repair man for a few years. My dad thought it was a worthless job but my mother supported me all the way. I slowly moved up the ladder, learning more techniques as I went along. Soon, I decided I would start my own show…become self-employed. My career really reached its peak during World War One and the start of the Roaring Twenties. I could describe all the casualties of the war to the public, talk about my own victims to my followers, all while ending with “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile,” my favorite song! I felt like I was on top of the world…not even my dad nor the ignorant folk could stop me. Like many people during the age of jazz and splendor, I basked in riches, ate good food and drinks…had tons of ladies at my feet. They were good friends, and even better victims! I was never interested in sex and romance…too many messy emotions. I didn’t want to be touched and nor down by anybody. (Thanks a lot, father.)

All this was before the police found me, my show was canceled, and my beloved radios destroyed by those seeking revenge. I smiled, I fell from grace, and I died during the Great Depression. Life really does have a twisted sense of humor.”

Experimental radio broadcasting began at the Metropolitan Opera House in New York City, 1910 with a program made by Lee De Forest. The WWJ Detroit station is considered the first radio station in the U.S. The National Broadcasting Company (NBC) presented the first national broadcast in 1926, when I was in my late twenties. From 1925 to 1950, radios were a major source of family entertainment, where people could listen to music, stories, and the news. The success of NBC brought the Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS) into creation by William Paley.

Some radio stations transmit radio signals using amplitude modulation, which became the term for AM radio. AM broadcasts can be received at long distances, but the signals and sound are affected by static. In contrast, other stations transmit signals using frequency modulation, hence the initial FM. FM waves reproduce sound better.

I died in 1933 when radio was popular. But my rival, Vox (name means Voice in Latin) died in the 1950s, when television was becoming popular. He hosted his own program and did picture shows seemingly all the time. I remember him: tall, white skinned, slick short dark hair, eyes the color of dull metal. He advertised drugs, phones, cars, and a whole bunch of things…he enjoyed money a lot. Anything new he liked, new toys, new tech, new girls, then when they didn’t work, he’d replace them. Made me sick.

In Hell, I confronted him once and told him he was a big showoff. I was quite mad that picture shows took over radio…he even called me an outdated geek with a voice of static! He had this stupid robotic voice that I couldn’t take seriously. When he shot me in the head from behind, I had enough. I held him in place with black tentacles, figuring out how he died. Then I heard someone mention his death…

So…with a loud crash, a large TV appeared out of nowhere and crushed his stupid face. I was doubling over with laughter as I left, he picked himself up and yelled, his screen face all cracked.

So, what should you do in Hell? Listen to the radio, of course! Picture shows are fun as well, but even they can’t beat the classic radio. I know you techno folk flock to TV’s and computers thanks to Vox…both are annoying in my opinion. But radios are a great source of entertainment, especially when I’m on the air. My show starts at 6AM and 6PM every other day at 66.6FM. You can find radios in a whole bunch of stores and at the Hazbin Hotel…and if you’re brave, you can find cursed ones at the Black Market (all owned by me of course). If any demon gives you trouble, you can turn the dials a bit and the radio will either crush them or suck them inside. But be careful…listening for too long may cause you to sing, dance, experience your fears, and stab anyone within six feet of you. I have plenty of radios in my lair in the shadow world beneath Hell, but you’ll never be able to go there. But just say the word and I’ll gladly store your remains in my icebox.”

References:

“Broadcasting: The History of Radio” https://law.jrank.org/pages/4873/Broadcasting-History-Radio.html

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about Sewing Voodoo Dolls (Page 38)

“I have made tons of voodoo dolls both as a human and in Hell. I have my own collection of ones that resemble Charlie, Vaggie, Husk, Niffty and many others. Niffty helps me sometimes after she helps make me more clothes. Don’t tell anyone this, but I secretly snuggle with a doll I made to resemble my mother. She briefly went to Hell in the form of a powerful voodoo deer, but went up to Heaven before I got a chance to see her. It’s been decades.”

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about Jazz (Page 72)

“Music has always held a special place in my heart. Growing up in New Orleans, I was surrounded by jazz, live music, and theater. Playing instruments, singing, dancing, and performing were not just fun pastimes. Doing these hobbies also helped during certain times. Take the Great Depression or the Roaring Twenties or my way to bask in the spotlight as examples. I can play lots of instruments: piano, saxophone, trumpet, violin and furby organ. If you don’t know what that is, it’s an organ made from furry robotic toys made by this “LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER” human.”

According to the National Park Service et al., the early development of jazz (1895) is associated with Charles “Buddy” Bolden, a popular bandleader. Throughout the 19th century, diverse ethnical groups cumulated their cultures and styles together, creating an evolution in music. Musicians of diverse backgrounds were united by their common love of music.

One of my role models was real life Edward “Kid” Ory, a guy who lead his own band at age 14 and entertained dancers. He was the son of a White Frenchman and a Creole Woman of Afro-Spanish and Native American heritage, pretty much like me. I’m surprised we aren’t related. During my human life, I played in bands at Economy Hall, a dance hall that provided social services such as brass band dances for the Black Community. Many well-known jazz stars included real life Louis Armstrong, Joe Oliver, Johnny and Warren Dodds etc. During the Jazz Age in the 1920s, I was quite busy indeed with radio broadcasting career, playing jazz, performing at clubs and killing people on the side in the name of Kalfu and Satan. Music helped me get through the loss of my mother’s death via the Spanish Flu. I did also get my revenge on my father and uncle but that’s a story for another time.”

References:

National Park Service. (2015) A New Orleans Jazz History https://www.nps.gov/jazz/learn/historyculture/jazz_history.htm

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about the Exterminations (Page 665)

“The annual Exterminations sure are fun to watch! It’s the one day out of the year where the dark angels travel from Heaven and into Hell to purge the citizens at random. This is done to reduce the abnormally high population down here. During the 24 hours, I relax in the safety of my lair, occasionally going up to watch the slaughters from inside a building, Niffty and Husk by my side. I broadcast what goes on so other demons can have their share of entertainment. Not only am I in a safe place, but anytime the Exterminators try and surround me, I just tear them to pieces, throw them into portals or just scare them off by staring at them. There is a collection of horned Exterminator heads I have for decoration along my mantle and near the stuffed deer heads on display. Their sinister smiles and Xs over their right eyes adds to the place. Niffty sometimes comes down to my lair to help spruce it up and even when she leaves, a strong spell ensures that she will never tell anyone about its location.”

Someday when I rule Hell, the Exterminators will be the ones who are exterminated. Exterminators carry spears, swords, and harpoons which can kill any demon instantly. So I always try to be careful. I know that some demons can sell them on the black market so they can kill their enemies. I have several of them in a safe to use in emergencies.

What should you do in an Extermination? Stock up and lock up, if you’re smart. Make sure you have plenty of food, drinks and things to keep you entertained during the 24 hours. And be sure to get the stuff early unless you want to fight a dozen sinners for groceries. Exterminators fly in the open, so barricade yourself in a building with few windows and openings. If you’re unlucky enough to be out in the open, run for your life and say your prayers! You will know when it starts by the sounds of air raid sirens. When it is over, Charlie will go out to her balcony and shoot fireworks in the sky, signaling that it’s safe to go out. Feel free to fight for territory, sing, grab a drink or feast on the deceased…but get in my way and you’ll regret it.”

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about Taking Over Territory (Page 187)

“When I first came to Hell, I was filled with bloodlust and dark power. Excited to be granted a new form by the shadow spirits, Satan and the Loas, I took full advantage. I toppled overlords who had ruled for centuries, and I broadcast my carnage and victories. I defeated that snake lord guy and grew my supernatural army. Many of the previous overlords didn’t have much magical power or they were easily fooled by my speeches and schemes.

But I knew that just having shadows at my beck and call weren’t enough. I needed corporeal demons to do my deeds as well. Thus I made deals with Husk, Niffty, and several others. Niffty admired me and my powers the moment I summoned her from the flames of the burning lake and into a fireplace at the hotel. She was happy to be free from the fires. My appearance and charming nature had her blushing and flustered. I told her she can do the things she enjoys: cooking, cleaning, sewing, reading and writing. Husk was more reluctant to serve me but I bribed him with money and booze… promising him “wealth and true love.” Both are beneficial: Niffty is quick on her feet and Husk is strong and good at gambling. Oh, it sure is fun to mess around with them.

Additionally, I spend time with my dear friend and performer Mimzy and Rosie, a fellow overlord. All three of us are pretty close. The demons know that I’ve conquered a territory by the presence of tall radio towers nearby. Or whenever some demons go to a certain area, they encounter some voodoo creatures and shadows who warn them to stay away.”

How do you take over territory? Choose your battles well. Don’t rush into a fight thinking you can win. Gather allies or if you’re powerful enough, just rely on yourself. The time right after the Extermination is the ideal time to claim land since many demons have perished. It’s also when many other demons fight over different areas. It’s fun to hear about it on the picture shows, especially when I’m mentioned.”

Here’s what “The Radio Demon’s Guide to the Inferno” has to say about Asexuality (Page 221)

“Some of you may or may not know this, but I’m asexual and aromantic. I’m not interested in sex nor romantic relationships with either men or women. Many of you fans have shipped me with Charlie and Angel and pretty much every other demon in Hell. Tell me mortals…why in the nine circles would I ever be into my rival Vox, or a pathetic loner scientist…or Hell forbid, Lucifer? Charlie is a lovely lady and a good friend, but if she’s no use to me for my plans in the long run, then she’s not worth it. And Angel…he’s alright, if not annoying and clingy. He invades my personal space and I certainly do not want to know what goes on in his perverted head. I’d rather get shot a dozen times than allow Angel to lay his hands on me (who knows where they’ve been). I don’t really love anyone, save for myself and my mama. It’s just the way I am.

In my time, sexuality terms did not exist. Anyone with an abnormal obsession with the opposite sex was called heterosexual. And homosexual was a derogatory term for those who were outside the norm in regards to sexuality. It was bad enough that my father and uncle chided me for not being into girls and sex like a “real man” should. The thought of merging my body with someone else’s was gross. I invade personal space, but I feel repulsed when other’s touch me…it’s like I’m not in control in the situation. Plus, even if I wanted to have sex, there’s no point as sinners can’t reproduce down here. And I don’t like to be tied down…having to accommodate my needs for someone. Aside from dancing, having the occasional dinner with someone nice, there are better things to do in my time than typical romantic antics. I learned very early on in my life that the only person I could really trust was myself…Alastor. It wasn’t hard to put up a charming exterior to make many women fall for me…including my dear friend Mimzy. The other women and men who stayed around for a while got tied up in my basement and screamed as I stabbed them and split their throats. Hey, you never know who will come into your life.”

Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction. Asexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone. Those who are aromantic are not romantically attracted to anyone. However, like sexual individuals, asexuals are different and have their own needs and levels of comfort. Some asexuals might be romantically attracted to males, females, or both. Others might desire intimacy and many are in relationships with asexuals and sexual individuals. Sadly, many asexuals feel broken and out of place due to cultural portrayals of sexuality in the media and other institutions.

References:

https://lgbt.williams.edu/homepage/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-asexuality/

Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. https://www.asexuality.org/

#hazbinhotel #alastor #the radio demon #radiodemon

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theknightstemplars-blog · 5 years ago

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Is Landry A Real Person In ‘Knightfall’? The Knights Templars

The global video streaming industry is getting bigger & wider, thanks to the soaring popularity of the worldwide entrainment platforms like Netflix, the Amazon. The web series audience is seriously increasing, Netflix‘s Narcos based on true story of Pablo Escobar has been a bit hit, while Amazon’s Jack Ryan won many applause.

Not too only ago, once termed as a luxury today is been backed to topple the traditional cable television in the next couple of years.

The Knightfall- A Netflix Original Web Series

The first episode was premiered on 6 December 2017; the Knightfall is a fictional historical drama, which is scripted by Richard Rayner and the Don Handfield for the History Chanel. This web series filmed across the mystical settings of Croatia and the Czech Republic. The underlying story of this web series revolves around the Knights Templars final days during the 14th century. Julian Ovenden, a renewed English actor-singer is playing the Guillaume de Nogaret character in this show.

Knightfall TV Series

S.No.

Knightfall TV Season Info

Genre

Period Pieces

Network

Netflix

Release Year

2017

Category

16+

Starring

Tom Cullen, Jim Carter, Pádraic Delaney

Creators

Don Handfield, Richard Rayner

This TV series is set in the year 872; today’s France then divided into numerous kingdoms, invaded by a Germanic tribe, Danes. Except the Wessex kingdom which is still out of his hands, as this kingdom is been ruled by an able people’s King Alfred. Now, is our hero, Uhtred, he is the noble son of a Saxon, who has been captured by Danes and raised there. Now, Uhtred has to go through the stern loyalty test, whether he wishes to choose to fight for this birth country or stay with his people. He has to pick one, Dane or Saxon? You can see the entire series to known if Uhtred picks up the sword to reclaim what Danes has snatched from him and ultimately regain the ancestor lands.

800-900 AD is roughly setting of the Knightfall web series. There is a massive conflict between the North Germanic tribes, the Vikings those want to gain grounds in every nook & corner of France and French people, the Saxons those are willing to bleed every drop of blood left in their body deter the evil plans of Vikings.

Who Are The Knights Templars?

The Knights Templar belong to French history for several centuries. They are simply poor warriors of the Solomon temple and the Christ. Knights Templar is a military formed by papal bull Omne Datum Optimum in the year 1139. Knights Templars played their part during the Crusades.

Who is Landry du lauzon?

Starring Tom Cullen, Landry du Lauzon is the main character of the Knightfall web series on Netflix. He is a fictional character, who is never respected much in the Knights Templar fraternity, even when he is so brave and courageous. However, a big twist comes into his life, when he discovered that the Holy Grail has resurfaced.

His character sketch is about honesty, never die-down spirit and a strong knight who is ready to bleed for his people. Besides being a Knights Templar, Landry du Lauzon is a veteran warrior from the Crusades. His life journey began as the squire of Godfrey. He trained and made him learn all the skills & tricks of the warriors. Post the Siege of Acre, the life of Landry is fallen apart. His pursuits are taken for a blow during the Crusade, and he has also lost the Holy Grail. He is completely shaken & devastated, and doesn’t know where to go. Landry then became the Commander of the Paris Temple post the assignation of Godfrey. But, later he will set on a journey to find the Holy Grail, as the news has surfaced it is in France. Also, he is in the quest to discover the reasons for the death of his master. For more insight about the show, watch the Knightfall Netflix trailer.

Also, Knightfall cast names on Netflix include some of the industries well-known celebrity faces.

Tom Cullen Playing the Landry Character

33-year-old Tom Cullen is a Wales actor, rated highly for his roles in the famous independent film Weekend. He lived the popular character Viscount Gillingham in the T.V. series Downton Abbey. During his early life, he joined the Llanishen High School to learn the true art of acting. Before getting into acting, he had a great love for music. Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama is the reputed institution from where he learned music.

Now, Coming to the Million Dollar Question, Is Landry du Lauzon Ever Existed?

The History Channel is known to create great T.V. series around the history heroes. But is Landry de Lauzon, a history channel inspired character belongs to Knightfall on Netflix a real person? The answer is no, the Netflix description clearly declared in its show description that Landry is a “Fictional History Character.” The real-life figures are the Queen Joan of Navarre, King Philip IV of France, and Pope Boniface VIII. However, that doesn’t mean there is no reference to Landry in the history books. As per Britannica, Landry belonging to Knights Templars, which was established in 1119 Hugh de Payens, French noble and his friends. Jerusalem, a holy city in the Middle East was found during the first Crusade, this place later became a popular pilgrim site for the Christian community from various parts of the world. However, these kingdoms were inadequate to deter the foreign invaders.

Then, came the Payens and co. They took the oath to protect the faith of the Christian community. Later, as they grew in confidence, they took the pledge to safeguard the Crusader states from invasion. One of them is King Philip IV, which is a crucial part of the Knightfall web series.

The Guardian Proof

As per the Guardian, Knights Templars existed in France for many centuries. Later, they were dissolved in the 13th century. However, in 1804 their resurgence happened in a bid to protect the holy places of Christianity. Today, the Knights Templars worked as a non-government organization established to spread the word of Christianity and has hundreds of representatives around the globe.

Dominic Minghella – What His Say

Dominic Minghella, the Knightfall’s executive producer told a top news source that Landry du Lauzon isn’t about an individual but represents the entire community of the Knights Templars. This blockbuster T.V series is dedicated to unsung heroes those are the jewels of French history. While, the theme of the story has found its narrative to France rich history, but a little flair is added to amp the thriller of the story.

He further added Landry is being portrayed as an ideal character, faces a lot of difficulties but overcame the barriers all by his courage. The fictional aspect of this web series doesn’t stop here, as later in his life, Landry will fall for a girl. And, then he has to make a big call, whether to choose his love or the monk. However, in a nutshell, Landry is a character derived from French history. Therefore, you can say he is not a real person, but his thinking and what he does defines Knights Templars.

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8pinkdreaming8 · 2 years ago

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Encanto oc part 2

Cherry -Cherry was born on February 13th 1935 -She has the power to make explosions -She hasn't been back to France in 10 years -She has had all most 9 boyfriends, if were not counting Carlos - Cherry has been to France, Russia, Germany, Japan, all of the US, Mexico, and Colombia -She knows French, Irish, German, Russian, Japanese, English, Italian, and Spanish - Her hair is 7 feet long and is a pain to brush - She had a pet cat, his name is Giuseppe - She's 5'7 with her boots and 5'5 without them - She does wear dresses but likes button up shirts better - Cherry is very loving, were talking kissing, cuddling, etc. - She can punch a brick in half - Due to her background, she knows how to drive a car - She knows how to make her own bombs that she uses in battle -She uses to run a rock band - Her nicknames are, Idiot, Dickhead, Asshole, fucker, but she will call him, Mon prince, Darling, baby, babe, sweets, etc. - Cherry is bisexual Dating Carlos - They hated each other, but secretly they were friends even through they didn't admit it to anyone or themselves - But after that night, they were a couple - If someone talks bad about Cherry, blood will be spilt, it's the same way with Cherry - Cherry would try and dress up nice for Carlos but she only has a few outfits so she just wears the stuff that she always wears - Carlos doesn't mind Cherry smoking, as long as she doesn't do it to much -Carlos would show off to Cherry all the time, Cherry doesn't mind it but does tell him that he doesn't need to - Carlos know how troubled Cherry is, because of his mother, he knows what to do. But when it's bad and Cherry can't control her powers, Carlos doesn't leave her side, he's the only person around and tries to stay there as long as he can -Cherry also loves how he can make her laugh - His nicknames are, dumbass, bitch, Asshole, but on occasions, mi amor, sweetie, mi renia

There relationship in a nutshell

Carlos is A, Cherry is B

3. Carlos is red, Cherry is green

6. Cherry is A, Carlos is B

Them in the modern world - Carlos would be apart of some kind of sport like football or soccer, that is where he would meet Cherry - They didn't talk much mostly because they couldn't see each other, but when they did, they knew something about other got them have to feelings - Once they actually go together, chaos - They would go on dates, and by dates I mean driving shopping carts around the parking lot of a target - They would pretend to hate each other at school - Cherry would sneak into Carlos's house and play games on his switch while they watch TV - Cherry would steal his clothes and then bring them back days later

#encanto #carlos x oc #carlos madrigal #encanto oc

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flapperfromthefuture · 6 years ago

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It’s been a year since I took my first-ever baking class at our local world-famous food emporium, and since then I’ve slowly but surely expanded my doughy horizons.

I made my own challah during the holidays at my parents’ house, with fancy chocolate chips and dried cranberries mixed in.

My entire family acted like there was an astronaut in the kitchen. At one point, my dad wandered in and yelled “She’s kneading! Just like on TV! Someone take a picture!”

Then my sister asked, “What would happen if you ate yeast? Would it bubble up in your stomach?” I said I had no idea. She said, “If you give me fifty bucks I’ll eat some yeast.”

My first attempt was decent, but my second was overproofed and I had to start over, and my ambitious plan of baking a dozen challahs to give as gifts to all our friends had to be scaled down to “Here’s two loaves for everyone to split,” but the results got good reviews.

Over the spring, I got into baking this Tunisian Orange and Olive Oil cake, from a recipe by the aforementioned food emporium, and I made so many of them that I experimented with swapping out the oranges for lemons (look out Bake-Off).

My summer bakes were even more ambitious. Stella’s mom gave me a German checkerboard cake pan from the ’70s (it was made in West Germany!). Fortunately, Stella speaks German, so she translated the directions and stopped me from putting it in the dishwasher. I baked three-layer checkerboard cakes in honor of the World Cup and the Fourth of July.

I made a red velvet/yellow cake combo for the Brazil/Mexico game with homemade green frosting to give each country’s flag colors equal representation.

Then Stella and my sister decorated it and let’s just say they will not be assisting me with my Bake-Off audition.

On Saturday, Stella joined me for my latest baking class: “Noodling about Strudeling.”

The description for the class really reached for the stars: “Remember when you were little and the gym teacher pulled out a compact plastic bundle and magically unfurled it into a huge parachute that the whole class could fit under?”

Stella and I said “HELL YES!” because we went to hippie school, where every day was parachute day.

“Well, you’ll have that experience all over again when we take a grapefruit size piece of strudel dough and stretch it out to cover a 24 square foot table! It’s just about the most fun you can have making food!”

Seriously, this food emporium has some good copywriters.

We were super pumped. Stella’s mom is from Germany, and she’s taught Stella all their family recipes, but they’ve never attempted strudel. Stella’s Oma back in Germany, a certified badass who is still going strong at 97, has never made strudel either. Strudel is really, really hard.

My hero and yours, Mary Berry, even says so—strudel is the only dough she buys rather than makes on her own. In fact, when the contestants made strudel on Bake-Off, one guy nearly sliced his finger off on the kitchen mixer and had to leave the competition to go to the hospital. Strudel is not playing around.

We entered the baking class to the sound of Cher’s “Believe.”

“I’m loving this already,” said Stella.

“Strudel” means “vortex” because you can stuff anything in there. Fruit, vegetables, meats, as long as you’ve got the time and space to stretch out dough to lengths that no other dough can go.

Someone asked if strudel can be made gluten free, and the instructor tried not to laugh.

“No, that would be impossible,” she said, for very sound scientific reasons. To get paper-thin strudel dough, you need gluten—and lots of it—because gluten is what gives dough the ability to stretch in the first place.

“Challenge accepted,” whispered Stella.

Strudel dough is so precise that we were told that if we poured just a smidgen too much of water, we would have to start over.

“You will know if it’s not exact,” said our instructor. “The dough will tell you so.”

She also told us to add in the eggs one at a time instead of cracking both at once.

“Uh-oh, you added the eggs together,” said Stella. “Oh no, I did too!”

“We’ve been here five minutes and we’ve already messed up the eggs!” I said.

“I didn’t even realize I was copying you,” she said. “Just like piano lessons.”

This is our relationship in a nutshell.

In order to develop the gluten and get it to the point that it can stretch from a ball of dough to this . . and then this . . . you have to smack it around.

Our instructor demonstrated a technique called “The Beaver Slap” and I will be happy to invest in the first lesbian bar that copyrights that name.

The Beaver Slap is basically a yo-yo toss combined with a flyswatter whack only with dough that can easily fly out of your hand and into someone else’s head.

On Bake-Off, someone’s dough took actual flight across the room before a magnificent crash landing, resulting in the immortal line, “I can’t serve Mary Berry green carpet!”

“Don’t forget to duck,” said our instructor.

We were advised to take off our watches and rings. Stella and I were nervous, but we cheered each other on. You don’t survive twenty-two piano recitals together without some coping skills.

“Good connect on that one!” I said as Stella’s dough thunked against the table. We were told to do fifty Beaver Slaps in a row! “You’ve got this!”

Strudel! It’s not for the faint of heart!

So as with my brioche class, the dough we made in class was for taking home and baking later, with one of the many recipes we were so kindly provided. For the strudels we were making in class, dough had already been prepared by the pros, and we would work in teams to make that super-dough into FOUR individual strudels—two savory, two sweet. All we had to do was stretch the dough over our tables, then fill, roll, and bake.

On Bake-Off (this was my favorite episode!), someone said that strudel dough should be so thin that you’re only good to go once you can read a newspaper through the dough. But you can’t tear it! If you tear it, you can make a bandage out of your extra dough. And there is a lot of extra dough. Our instructor said extra strudel dough was ideal for making noodles.

“Ooh, we should take a noodle-making class,” said Stella. “Oh my god, I forgot about my thumb ring!”

“You’re still wearing your thumb ring?” I said.

“It could’ve flown off during the Beaver Slap!”

It was time to stretch. Our giant ball of dough needed a lot of work to make it paper-thin. We had to walk our fingers underneath the dough and manually pull it apart without tearing it or jabbing through with our nails.

It took some time and we had to patch a couple of holes, but we did it. Our dough was so stretched out that we used pizza cutter to trim the edges—and we had enough left for an entire new strudel. Stella wrapped it up to take home.

We brushed the entirety of the dough with melted butter, then we lined up our savory fillings at one end of the dough—asparagus and Parmesan cheese. We were just about to brush the asparagus with even more butter and then roll it up when the instructor gently pointed out that we had forgotten to lay down the base of bread crumbs.

Bread crumbs absorb the extra moisture that’s expelled by the fillings when they bake. On Bake-Off (I watched it live and then watched it again right away!), several people had “strudel hemorrhages” because their fillings started leaking in the oven and burst out of the pastry, Alien-style.

And then there was the guy who put on a latex glove because he’d cut his finger and then before he knew it the entire glove had filled with blood and oh my god it was such a ride.

“How could we forget the bread crumbs?!” we said, scrambling to toss bread crumbs over the entire length of the dough like we were trying to feed a colony of starving ducks.

We spread our sweet fillings—apricot preserves and farm cheese—without any issues. With fruit fillings, you want to be careful and put in only preserves or pie fillings that won’t release too much liquid in the oven, or use fruits that hold less water, like apples.

People on Bake-Off made the mistake of using other fruits like strawberries and the end result looked like a strudel massacre.

Next came rolling the strudel, which requires coordinating both the cloth and the dough at an increasing speed and without losing any of your fillings in the process.

“You just have to commit to it,” said the instructor.

Stella told herself, “Don’t panic!”

“That’s our story right there,” I said.

“That’ll be on the gravestones!” she said, and then she rolled that strudel like a champ.

“See? You were born to strudel!” I said. “It’s in your blood!”

“And I didn’t lose my thumb ring!”

We sent off our strudels to bake, and enjoyed slices of the demo strudels fresh out of the oven. Stella ate my asparagus slice. “I know you don’t like asparagus,” she said.

She’s been helping herself to food I don’t like since preschool. It’s such a relief.

“You know, we did cooking classes together in kindergarten,” she said. “Even though we’re adults, we’re just building on the same skills. And we still can’t follow directions.”

We clinked forks to our success.

“The gluten break starts tomorrow,” she sighed.

“We still have to bake our other dough,” I said.

“The gluten break starts Monday.”

I made apple strudel at my parent’s house to take full advantage of their kitchen island. When I said I’d stretch my dough to cover the entire thing, my dad thought I was kidding. My mom filmed me on her phone with the intensity of someone documenting the moon landing. And my sister immediately requested multiple strudels for the holidays.

Challenge accepted.

Dough IV: Strudel! It's been a year since I took my first-ever baking class at our local world-famous food emporium, and since then I've slowly but surely expanded my doughy horizons.

#ann arbor #baking #bread #british bake-off #cooking #food

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rocky5678 · 3 years ago

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Powervolt Energy Saver

POWERVOLT REVIEWS – ENERGY SAVING DEVICE SCAM OR LEGIT? [MUST READ]

Unmistakably power costs are expanding quickly consistently. Also, it will just get more costly soon. It has been accounted for that U.S residents are overpaying for their power bills by more than $20 billion every year. Regardless of the amount they attempt to save energy, the electrical perusing is by all accounts something similar, just expanding constantly. It's obvious that there is an off-putting thing about this entire circumstance.

Administrators aren't approaching this in a serious way. They imagine as though the power bills are not overrated, so there shouldn't be any guidelines to direct power bills. Legislators are in with the force organizations, misleading individuals and making billions in benefit. These organizations alter purchaser controllers so they can handle their electrical perusing. That is the reason your power bills won't ever go down.

Yet, sit tight for this is on the grounds that, in this Powervolt Energy Saver audit, you will become acquainted with about such a gadget that can lessen your electric bill by 90%. It's known as the PowerVolt energy saver. A German-based new business thought of this gadget. Nikola Tesla's work impacts the equation behind the PowerVolt energy saver gadget. This gadget will diminish your electric bill essentially and shield your electrical family gadgets from hazardous electrical force floods.

In this audit, I will clarify every one of the insights concerning this astonishing gadget and answer each of your inquiries with respect to PowerVolt, similar to what is PowerVolt and does it work? Who makes PowerVolt? How to utilize PowerVolt? What amount does PowerVolt cost? Is PowerVolt lawful? Visit The Official Website Of PowerVolt And Check The Current Offer >>

What Is PowerVolt?

PowerVolt is a little and light device that is exceptionally simple to utilize. It can control pointless force from getting into your wires. By halting the overconsumption of power, this gadget enormously lessens your electric bill. It professes to cut power bills of utensils utilizing power voltage current to 90%.

PowerVolt organization has turned into an objective for goliath power organizations. They have restricted this gadget from stores, and presently they are spreading Powervolt Energy Saver trick surveys. In any case, an ever increasing number of individuals acknowledge what these force organizations are doing behind their backs. That is the reason everybody is picking PowerVolt power saver. Multiple million individuals have introduced PowerVolt in their homes, and the quantity of clients is developing step by step.

At the point when you plug in this gadget close to your circuit board, it will begin directing the power going through the wires. It diminishes the energy utilization of all the home devices like clothes washers, coolers, forced air systems, TVs, microwaves.

This contraption can be utilized in any spot or climate. You can utilize it for an office, large houses, or condos. You can even utilize PowerVolt for RV stops as well. It disperses the produced energy surplus equally among every one of the gadgets, which assists with diminishing flood. It sift through filthy parasitic energy volts keeping the home apparatuses safe and forestalls high voltage spikes.

PowerVolt power saving gadget is a lifeline for the working class. Ongoing years have seen a huge expansion in electric bills. Individuals living off a normal month to month wage battle to take care of their electric bills. Basically winding down lights and fans will not have an effect in light of the fact that the capacitors and controllers that the force organizations give are manipulated. It will enhance the force utilization regardless of whether you are saving energy. That is the reason just the PowerVolt contraption can settle the flows in your home. Inordinate voltage admissions can harm your electronic gadgets. Be that as it may, assuming PowerVolt is connected, you don't have anything to stress over.

PowerVolt assists with preventing high voltage batteries from eating up a lot of pointless power. This gadget can use energy contributions of Powervolt profound cycle battery, Powervolt v65-6 battery, Powervolt lithium battery, Powervolt marine battery, Power volt uncompromising battery, Power volt greatest high voltage battery. PowerVolt is intended to identify and support any electronic gear that is utilizing a lot of energy. Numerous PowerVolt client surveys have sponsored up these claims.PowerVolt has helped a great many individuals to cut down their incredible electric bills.

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How Does PowerVolt Work?

In this piece of the survey, I will clarify how PowerVolt works and how does PowerVolt respond.

The PowerVolt gadget is really easy to utilize. It doesn't need any establishment strategy. As a matter of first importance, you should connect the PowerVolt hf charger. After it's effectively connected, the green PowerVolt lights will turn on, demonstrating that the gadget is working accurately. In the event that your house is colossal, you should put one unit close to the breaker box and a second one far away from the crate.

After the PowerVolt energy saver is actuated, it look over every one of the electrical gadgets associated with the electrical framework. It directs the electrical framework and forestalls lost cause. It lessens the electrical energy utilization, builds the life expectancy of all the electrical gear. It builds the heap limit of the hardware.

This gadget utilizes capacitors to recuperate power, then, at that point, it develops it and gives this capacity to the inductive engines. This cycle is vital to developing the electromagnetic field encompassing the engine twisting with the recently recuperated energy. PowerVolt gadget rescues and gives reused power all through the electrical combination. After the gadget gathers and reuses the energy, it is dispersed through the electrical lines. Since the hardware gets protected reused energy locally, this gear can perform more assignments proficiently without overheating. This strategy sets aside you cash as well as gives your electronic gadgets a long life.

This gadget will likewise ensure your home and every one of the gadgets when a force flood happens. By settling the voltage and adjusting the energy, this gadget will build energy utilization while decreasing power bills. Huge

mechanical processing plants utilize these techniques to diminish their power cost. On account of the PowerVolt inverter, presently you can apply these techniques in your own home and check those brain desensitizing electric bills.

Does PowerVolt Work As Advertised?

As indicated by great many PowerVolt surveys by genuine clients, this is by all accounts the main gadget in the market that can lessen power costs by over 70%. Utilizing this gadget is flawless. You don't have to realize how to work out power voltage and current to utilize the gadget. The force volt-ampere equation is just straightforward. Is your Powervolt wrenching battery? All things considered, we don't think about the Powervolt vehicle battery yet what you cannot deny is that the Powervolt energy-saving gadget needs no battery or equipment to work. You essentially need to connect it, and that's it in a nutshell.

PowerVolt Benefits

PowerVolt is the best energy saver in the market right now. However, that'sthat's not simply my perspective. You will discover various PowerVolt energy saver surveys web based support up my cases. The most outstanding aspect of this remarkable device is that it is profitable in a variety of ways. So in this segment of the audit, I will bring up the huge advantages of PowerVolt.

This gadget is incredibly useful for the individuals who will in general utilize a great deal of power. PowerVolt energy saver will balance out your power, lessening your electrical utilization yet amplify the viability. You can set aside to 90% on power charges utilizing PowerVolt.

You don't need to stress over this gadget burning-through power to begin its work interaction. PowerVolt balances out the force voltage of your home and balances the flow stream to diminish the power cost.

PowerVolt power saver can bring down your family electronic gadgets energy utilization like ACs, TVs, cooler, lights, fans, vacuum cleaners, microwaves, and so on

You can utilize this gadget in any spot you need. It will work fine paying little mind to the size of the spot it should cover or how solid the voltage of that condo or office is. PowerVolt is a minuscule and lightweight contraption. You can convey it any place you need. It doesn't need an intricate establishment interaction to kick it off. You should simply discover a force attachment and plug it in.

PowerVolt shields all electronic gadgets from voltage over-burdens. It channels the current stream and uses reused energy to control every one of the home apparatuses. So these gadgets can work productively without overheating. The materials used to make PowerVolt are fire and blast verification. It forestalls electrical floods, lists, and plunges in power, circuit over-burden, and electrical shocks.

PowerVolt forestalls pointless energy utilization. All of energy that this gadget can recuperate will be put to legitimate use.

PowerVolt is incredible for the climate. This gadget checks squandering of energy. It uses reused energy to control electronic gadgets. The more energy we save, the better it is for the climate. Less energy utilization can decrease the CO2 level in the climate.

PowerVolt shields your family gadgets from grimy energy and electrical force spikes. It expands the life expectancy of your electronic gear.

As should be obvious, PowerVolt is a fabulous item. Evaluations for PowerVolt are. Exceptionally high, five stars. Assume you intently dissect all the PowerVolt purchaser reports. All things considered, you will see that the cost of their power bills was diminished by a normal pace of 70% for in a real sense each client. You can set aside to huge number of dollars by utilizing PowerVolt energy saver. Presently you realize how great is Powervolt Energy Saver.

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PowerVolt Pros And Cons

Each item at any point made has the two advantages and disadvantages. The producer of PowerVolt tended to it themselves.

#PowervoltEnergySaver #powervoltenergysaverreviews

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