#german sorry my english isn't good enough

[jiraisupportgroup]

˗ˋˏ ♡ Jirai Kei Survey Results ♡ ˎˊ˗

(NOTE!! I re-opened it because I saw some people saying they were sad they didn’t respond!! It’s open again! You can take it here)

Hi hi!!! First of all, I'm so sorry that this took me like an entire month to make, and second of all thank you to everyone who participated in the survey I posted a while ago! It got 89 total responses which is awesome!! So many more than I was expecting, you guys are awesome ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

I've got a spreadsheet of all the answers given in October 2024 here if you want to go view them for yourself ^-^ (I have redacted pronouns and location for privacy sake)

I also went through and read everyone's answers and pulled some of the main points / focuses people had to make into little graphics for simplification and comparison's sake (This is a huge part of why it took so long because I didn't want to misrepresent anyone's points so I went person by person and considered all of their answers and overall vibe before pulling the main points just to make sure I wasn't accidentally changing or misunderstanding their points).

Please keep in mind: 89 people is NOT a large enough sample size to extrapolate this to the entirety of the Jirai Kei community - this is really just an exploration of the people who answered the survey - it does not represent the feelings of the community as a whole. This survey is derived from the western community as the survey is in English and was posted in primarily English-speaking areas.

Also just as a note I messed up when making the selections for the ages and put 18-21 and then 21-25 so people of the age of 21 could have picked either - this isn't ideal but since I messed it up in the original choice options I'm keeping it listed as that because I think changing 21-25 to 22-25 would be disingenuous.

I'm going to go question by question and kind of break it down if you're interested! I'm also going to try and remain mostly neutral and not really put my personal opinions in here. My main goal is to kind of break down what was said in the survey.

Demographics:

It's a pretty good mix of people. Also, hi!!! So many of you are from so far away!!!! That was really exciting to see. To be honest, it was super cool to see how this community encompasses people from all over the world!!! (Also, as a note here, there was one person who answered the survey who was over 40. I included their answers in the 26-30 range just for simplicity sake.)

I also did not make a graphic for the pronouns: primarily she / her, followed by they / them or any / all, followed by he / him or he / they pronouns just in case you were curious. I also took the pronouns out of the original answers document since I know quite a few people use neo-pronouns which are quite unique and I didn't want anyone to see those and connect that person to their answers, I wanted it to remain as anonymous as possible. I redacted the locations for the same reason.

I did not make a graphic for the languages either but those are included in the original answers spreadsheet that I have linked above. Many people speak Japanese, Russian, German, Spanish, and French. Those were the main answers besides English.

I don't have too much to say about the social medias to be honest. Discord, Youtube, and Twitch are likely under-represented in this since they were write-ins and not part of the general selection.

How did you first hear about Jirai Kei?

I don't have a graphic for this one either. It looks like most people learned about it because they already had an interest in j-fashion. A decent number of people mentioned Needy Streamer Overload. Lots of people came from Pinterest, Instagram, TikTok, and Tumblr. Many people also said they were into Menhera and came from there.

How would you describe Jirai Kei to someone who hasn't heard of it before?

Again, no graphic for this one - highly reccommend to go read some of the answers on the linked sheet above. It was pretty split between people talking about the aesthetics & fashion vs people talking about the mental health community. A lot of people mentioned that if they were talking to someone they didn't know very well or who didn't have any knowledge of j-fashion they would say it's a style and move on, while if they were talking to a friend or someone who did know a little more about j-fashion they would talk more about the mental health aspects and history of the subculture.

A few quotes (I'm trying to get a good mixture of opinions in here, please note these are mostly smaller parts of larger answers - this goes for all the quotes added in this post): ♡ "Usually it's easier for me to just send the wikipedia link to people though honestly" ♡ "a subculture of mostly young women with mental illness who share certain interests in jfashion etc..." ♡ "...a lot of ppl often tell me it just sounds like the jp version of emo." ♡ "A subculture for mentally ill people who can’t, won’t, or don’t want to recover" ♡ "depending on my knowledge on their opinions on mental health, i'd either go with a basic explanation of the fashion if they dont seem like the type to be sympathetic of ppl with mental health issues, but if they seem like the sympathetic type, i'd go more into detail of the origins and lifestyle associated with the subculture." ♡ "Being cute despite your mental illness! Also a bit of consumerism and idol worship..." ♡ "It's mainly a stereotype" ♡ "I would recommend watching cybr.grls video on jirai kei " ♡ "It’s an alternative japanese fashion style with frilly, lacey, and dark garments! The main colors it will be are very muted pinks, blacks, grays, whites, or even reds or purples (albeit rare)" ♡ "Jirai Kei is the term used to describe the fashion style related to Jirais / Landmines , which was a derogatory term used to describe mentally ill girls who had an “explosive” personality , wearing cute clothing to distract / hide men from their personality. It usually consists of frills , ribbons and lace , blouses and skirts , with a colour palette of black and muted colour varients like pink and blue , and white. "

To your understanding where does Jirai Kei come from? What's it's history?

Again, no graphic for this one (T-T these are just too complex for me to comfortably break down into bite-size pieces). Most people talked about the Toyoko kids, a bit less talked about host / hostess clubs, and quite a few vague nods to Kabukicho in general. About a fifth of the people just talked about overall mental health in Japan. Interesting mixture of answers - different people seem to latch on to different parts of the origins, which is likely based on what they relate with the most. I was surprised that only a few people mentioned the "Jirai Kei" makeup trend of 2019/2020 - I honestly thought that would be talked about a little bit more ngl. Interesting read for sure.

A few quotes: ♡ "jirai kei became seen as clothes worn by dangerous or unstable women, hence the trend " ♡ "the history between jirai kei && the toyoko kids sometimes get mixed together because of their resemblances , but it's important to note the two are different . jirai kei define an instable person who will explode at some point like a bomb , but you don't know when ( landmine ) . initially , it was mostly used to refer to girls who threaten their boyfriend to kill him or themselves if the boy left them . since jirais are disordered or mentally ill , they often engage in unhealthy behaviours . the toyoko kids on the other hand are teens who ran away from home to live in the streets instead . most of them suffered from abuse && causally have disorders or illnesses . this is where the two subcultures came together to form one : the jirai kei we know now..." ♡ " The clothing style that is most typically seen on social media stems from the fact that these clothes where cute but cheap to come by. " ♡ "Jirai kei as a term originated from misogynistic men calling mentally ill women “explosive.” The style came from poor (unfortunately, often sex workers) youth in Japan. It how we’ve became popularized and somewhat mainstream there after a while." ♡ "then in 2020 people started dressing up in stereotypical "toyoko kid/jirai woman style" to make fun of them before brands saw how popular this trend became and decided to start selling clothes based off this idea. the original style is known as dark girly kei which uses elements from both dark girly and girly kei the latter being a style that was popular with 2010s gyaru and evolved to incorporate french girly and dark girly motifs making it what it is today. other styles such as subcul and suna kei are also extremely popular with jirai to the point of being synonymous with the style." ♡ "...Thus, the fashion style was associate with "Jirai Onna" and became "Jirai Kei". The fashion style extended beyond Kabukicho and many girls and women wear the style in Japan due to the kawaii look and the popularity of the style within many fashion brands. Another demographic that has popularised Jirai Kei is idol fangirls who wore girly kei and jirai kei fashion. The style was also given the term "ryousangata" meaning "mass produced" an insult basically calling the girls who wear the style "basic"."

What do you think differentiates Jirai Kei from other subcultures?

Okay since this is the first type of this graphic we're seeing let me explain what you're looking at. I took key points or words and quantified how many people mentioned it as a larger part of their explanation. There were a LOT of other things mentioned these were just the ones that came up repeatedly.

Many people were confused by this question and said there are too many differences to even describe, which is completely fair. There were two main types of answers to this question. The first is that fashion is what makes it different because it's a fashion-based subculture or if not fashion-based, fashion is a big part of it. The other is that it's a community based around mental health primarily unlike other subcultures which are based on fashion or music. A lot of people who mentioned this went on to say that the thing that differentiates it from Menhera specifically (because menhera is also based in mental and physical health) was the idea that Menhera is very recovery, resource, and awareness focused, while Jirai Kei isn't focused on those things at all and is more so just people looking for a sense of community.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "menhera is art and advocacy focused, jirai is community focused. menhera also is more recovery focused often, whereas jirai places no emphasis on that at all" ‪♡ "Dawg idk how to tell you this… there’s too many examples and they’re all so different" ♡ "For starters, its background story, the clothing doesn't look the same either.... Jirai culture is not really focused on getting better mentally, much on the contrary... being mentally ill is praised, spending an insane amount of money on clothes you don't exactly need is praised...." ‪♡ "I’ve seen jp jirais say that jirai kei is whatever a jirai girl chooses to wear, it can literally be anything. However, at the moment it visually is a combination of menhera and dark girly kei. Because it’s new though, it’s already having subsets form and change that." ♡ "i think jirai is unique in its rejection of the “just get better” culture a lot of places have. Most people think of inability or unwillingness to improve a moral failing. " ‪♡ "Jirai Kei has a distinct history and recognisable style" ♡ "menhera is about finding a community that wishes to accept you and want to encourage you to get better jirai kei is not about wanting to get better thats a very important distinction" ♡ " - idk how to explain??? It’s like asking what differenciates gyaru and goth lol" ♡ "the subcul is definitely viewed in an extremely negative way compared to other subculs, even menhera. I also think that other subculs like Emo, Anime, and Idol culture revolve a lot around the fashion aspect. While jirai is best known for the Dark Girly fashion, i think that jirai in itself, as mentioned before, is more about the lifestyle that we life, our mental health, and the struggles we go through either on purpose or not" ‪♡ "for many i'd say the fashion is what differenciates them. while they can overlap with common traits under the other subcultures, it's still quite different." ♡ "i do believe that the associated fashions (again, not just dark girly, but also tenshi kaiwai, subcul, etc.) are necessary to set a landmine apart from these cultures. the fashions is a huge part of the subculture and sets it apart from these other mental-health based subcultures. that is why i personally believe that a landmine must at least wear the associated fashions OCCASIONALLY to be considered part of the subculture."

What kind of Jirai Kei content do you engage with the most?

This one again, no graphic. Top answer was outfit / coord posts (82%), second most common was vent posts (67.4%), third was dark humour (58.2%)

Are you interested in the fashions associated with Jirai Kei? Which ones?

Again, not too much to say overall about this.

One thing to note is that some of these answers could technically be lumped in with other ones, like "all of them" could be counted towards Dark Girly Kei, Girly Kei, Tenshi Kaiwai, etc but I kept it separate. Same with "Jirai IS the fashion" which could be lumped into Dark Girly Kei but again I kept it separate unless they mentioned it in their answer.

The one that isn't like that is "No Interest" because if someone was of the mind that the fashion is called Jirai Kei and said they weren't interested in the other fashions they're in the "Jirai IS the fashion" count, while the people in the "No Interest" count were of the idea that the name of the fashion is not Jirai Kei and is rather Dark Girly Kei so they have their own count.

What role do you think the asssociated fashions play in Jirai Kei? Do you need to wear them to be considered "Jirai" or part of the community?

Again, this has been vastly simplified but I tried really hard not to misunderstand or misrepresent anyone's points. The categories names are a bit strange so let me explain what I mean by them:

‪♡ "No, it's a lifestyle" - This person believes that you do not have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community because it is first and foremost a subculture based around mental health and finding people who relate to you that you can talk to about these things. They also tend to believe "Jirai Kei" is the not proper name for the fashion, and that to be part of the Jirai Kei community you must be either mentally ill or at least open and understanding about mental illness. ‪♡ "No, it's both a lifestyle and a fashion" - This person believes that you do not have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community. They tend to believe that Jirai Kei is both a lifestyle and a fashion, and you can participate in either the overarching mental health community based around Jirai Kei or the fashion side of things and be accepted either way. This kind of answer tended to imply that both the people looking for a mental health-related safe space and people who just like the fashion are welcome. ‪♡ "Yes, it's both a lifestyle and a fashion" - This person believes you do have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community. They tend to believe that Jirai Kei is the proper title for both the mental health subculture and the overarching fashion and you have to participate in both to be considered part of the Jirai Kei community. ‪♡ "Yes, it's a fashion" - This person believes Jirai Kei is a fashion style, if you wear it, you are welcome in the Jirai Kei community.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "the fashion has almost taken over the community, and overshadows its origins." ‪♡ "I don‘t think the Fashion is the central aspect, but it brings people in. It’s historically speaking a part of Jirai Kei, but not the most inportant thing. You can be Jirai and not dress like it." ‪♡ "Yes to be considered Jirai one should wear the clothing of the subculture they are trying to claim. I don’t think you have to branch out into any jirai substyles though if it’s not your vibe." ‪♡ "No if you're a lifestyle jirai, yes if you're a fashion jirai. If you're a lifestyle jirai I think just wanting to be jirai is enough" ‪♡ "i definitely do think that people who dont wear the fashion can be considered jirai, as thats how the word originally got its meaning, though nowadays its definitely more recognized as a fashion style." ‪♡ "It's just a part of the stereotype because a lot of us happen to wear it not because we need to." ‪♡ "it’s such an enormous part of the subculture that leaving out the fashion aspect makes your “landmineness” indistinguishable from a thousand other subcultures." ‪♡ "i think the fashion gave way to helping people who are mentally unwell or don’t feel good find and outlet to feel better, wether it be makeup, or the clothes for me it makes me feel pretty and distracts from the fact i’m depressed. i think just wearing “jirai” as a fashion or style doesn’t necessarily mean you are unwell though, you can participate and be okay in the head lmao, and ofc be in the community. i think the problem lies within the title of jirai. " ‪♡ "i don't think you necessarily NEED to wear them to be jirai, but i think that an interest in them is pretty important because the fashion and aesthetics are closely intertwined with the subculture " ‪♡ "I actually think the biggest thing to a Jirai look is Jirai makeup. I think as long as you have that, then you are Jirai enough. " ‪♡ "While I don't think you have to wear the fashion to be jirai, the fashion does play a big part in the subculture and people need to acknowledge that. " ‪♡ "to an extent, yes you do, but it's more important just to have an interest in them. nobody needs to wear them 24/7 and if you can't afford clothes then it is what it is, but you can't really call yourself jirai if you have no interest in one of the main aspects of the subculture (the aesthetics)" ‪♡ "nah, as long as u wear alternative fashion and know ur shit and participate in the culture ur fine."

Can non-Japanese people be "Jirai"? Why or why not?

Most people said yes (which is kind of to be expected since this is in English and most of the people who answered are not Japanese so I will note this is biased), but a lot of people brought up different points.

Some of the "yes" pool are people who believe Jirai Kei is just a fashion and brought that up as their point. Some of the "yes" pool are people who are more into the mental health side of things and talked about how people in different countries still experience mental struggles and that's something everyone can relate to in their own way.

The "Yes but it's different" pool is mostly comprised of people talking about the mental health aspects of the community and mentioning that although foreigners can be part of the Jirai Kei community, it is important to understand that the things that many Japanese "Jirai"s go through are things that we will not experience due to the differences in our mental health care resources / infrastructure and the infrastructure of the Japanese sex-work industry. Essentially, we can go through really similar things but the overall cultures make it quite different.

Some Quotes: ‪♡ "yes, especially when a trend originally comes from sex work in which non-japanese people living in japan are overrepresented." ‪♡ "Yes, I’ve seen from the pov’s of Japanese landmines and they are open to it because we’re all supposed to be there for each other because nobody else is" ♡ ‪"Yeah, I think they can be, BUT they shouldn't go around acting like they are the template for what a landmine is, or demanding changes to the culture, just because they wear the fashion and/or are mentally ill. It's roots lie in Japan, so the "originals" are still Japanese Jirais" ‪♡ "of course they can ! never did the term refer to exclusively japanese people . even when the initial term " merged " with the toyoko kids , it didn't make it an exclusively japanese term . as long as you fit the " criterias " , you can be a jirai if you choose to label yourself as one ! ♡" ‪♡ "Nowadays I'd like to consider it a fashion style and fashion styles travel all around the world as long as u don't claim to be japanese cause you are wearing jirai you are good. You should also respect and learn the story of the style before u decide to wear it since it's more troubling than other styles." ‪♡ "Very unlikely. There are many factors that would eliminate most people to be "true Jirai kei" ie. experiencing homelessness as well as involved with sex work and host club addiction. Emily from the suburbs who lives with her family and has depression could not be Jirai kei but can partake in the cool fashion. Calling themselves Jirai would not be up to par with the real meaning of it." ‪♡ "Yes. The Japanese jirais don’t seem to disagree so I’m not sure why I would." ‪♡ "yes of course, its important to say that non japanese people often have different issues as japanese people but that doesnt make them less valid meaning they can still use the style as representation of their own issues" ‪♡ "yes and no. if you disregard the fashion and makeup or frame jirai kei as a "menhera" community when its not then you dont really deserve to call yourself a jirai onna. acknowledging that your generally live a better life because of your privilege of being outside of japan. though i can understand calling yourself a jirai onna if you suffer extremely similar problems to that of toyoko kids especially if you suffer from BPD." ‪♡ "Ofc it's clothes" ‪♡ "Yes, of course! Jirai kei is for anyone and I don't see a reason why people can't participate/ want to gatekeep it. I just think it's important to learn about the history and not be a jerk to those who participate in only the lifestyle or only the fashion part."

What does "Jirai Kei" mean to you personally? Why do you associate with the subculture?

I chose to make a word map for this to kind of point towards some of the most repeated words throughout the answers. A lot of these answers are very sad to read (just a heads up before you start going through them), but that is kind of to be expected. Most people mention mental illness and personal struggles with things like EDs, SH, alcoholism, other unhealthy coping mechanisms, or relationship issues. The thing that really stood out to me was that a majority of the people who are of the idea that "Jirai Kei" is the name of the fashion still brought up how the community feels comforting to them because they struggle with mental illnesses and relationship issues. Very few people just said "I like the clothes", most people also mentioned mental struggles in their answers.

I think that's an important thing to note. It really highlights the fact that you never know what someone is going through behind the screen. You only know what they choose to post, and many people choose to post cute outfit photos and things of that nature, but they still can be hurting behind all of that.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "it’s comforting to identify as one and feel like there’s a subculture out there of people who feel similarly to me. everyone connects with the label in different ways" "I like being able to relate with people and have somewhere to post my vents and get things off my chest without judgment" ‪♡ " i was paranoid for not being mentally ill enough for the community, i was absolutely terrified of making jirais mad at me and being rejected. to this day i am terrified of the day when they decide i did not suffer enough to be a jirai. but such a thought is twisted in and of itself, right?" ‪♡ " I love dressing up as fashion is a major coping mechanism for me and I feel delighted at being able to express myself through clothes: it is an art form. Dressing in the subculture's fashions has allowed me to express myself and come to terms with my experiences and who they made me today." ‪♡ "Funny enough my mom calls me a jirai girl (in a derogatory way since she has a typical older japanese person mindset) but i don't mind saying that i am one without shame. especially because i don't believe that my mental illness is something that should be stigmatized and judged. calling myself jirai feels liberating in a way..." ‪♡ "I feel like because I cannot wear the style (not enough money + sizing is difficult) I cannot call myself Jirai kei but I notice others who don’t wear the style call themselves Jirai, which is comforting. I’ve always struggled with mental health for most of my life and I’ve always loved Jfashion subcultures, so obviously I was drawn to Jirai." ‪♡ " i do think people who just wear dark girly kei should be careful when using the term jirai kei if they aren't in the subculture though. i see people say they're jirai and then mock the mentally ill people like?? you aren't jirai you WEAR jirai kei 💀💀 there is a difference!!" ‪♡ "i am also transgender - my girlhood is very important and nostalgic to me but it is also inseparable from dysphoria and sickness, and i think dark girly/jirai fashion helps me to express that." ‪♡ "I found I appreciated the relaxed attitude towards mental health struggles, nightlife activities and a visual indicator that someone might be a little “dangerous” or someone that likes to party." ‪♡ "when I first started, "I want to become cute!" was a big theme I was seeing. I can be cute even though I'm ugly and have bad mental health and it's ok. the style of the clothes is the biggest appeal." ‪♡ "I honeslty really only associate myself with the fashion aspect of it, since it’s something I really love. So instead of calling myself “Jirai”, I like to say I “dress in Jirai” instead." ‪♡ "To me, it's just the clothes. I don't call myself Jirai by itself because it's insulting"

What would you say the pre-requisites to being part of the Jirai Kei community are?

40% of people mentioned mental illness or struggles as a main part of the subculture. There were different approaches to the way that they mentioned it though. Some people were saying "you should be mentally ill since 'Jirai' is an insult used against mentally ill people and the explosive nature is part of the subculture" and others were saying "If you are mentally healthy you should stay away from Jirai Kei to protect yourself because you're going to see triggering things".

Many people said you don't have to be mentally ill to be part of the community, but you should understand that you are going to be interacting with people who are mentally ill and not bully people for venting. Some people said you have to be mentally ill and not wanting or willing to recover to be part of the community (although this was only 3% of people).

On the other hand, about 16% of people said that the only thing you need to do to be part of the community is wear the clothing.

People who mentioned both mental illness and clothing in their answers were divided into 4 different categories: ‪♡ "Mental illness" - they mention the fashion but state is it not a requirement for the community ‪♡ "Wear the fashion" - they may or may not mention mental illness, but do not think it is a requirement for the community ‪♡ "Wear the clothes AND be mentally ill" - they mention both and think both are required for the community ‪♡ "Wear the clothes OR be mentally ill" - they mention both and think you can either participate in the fashion side of things or the mental health side of things, but you don't have to participate in both.

Many people also mentioned doing the makeup as a big part of it. Some of the people who mentioned makeup as a requirement said that even if you don't wear the clothes as long as you do the makeup you're good.

A lot of people also said if you like the clothes or the community or whatever you're all good, so long as you don't bully anyone. Their general vibe was that anyone is welcome to hang out so long as they aren't mean to others. (Many people counted in the "don't be mean to 'fashion' onlys are also counted in the "don't be mean to 'lifestyle' onlys category as well. And as a note a lot of them didn't use those terms specifically I just used them to shorten "people who only wear the clothing" and "people who only participate in the mental health community" because those are looooooooong titles)

There isn't an overarching general consensus. It is very split and debated. (Which we all know). A lot of people were very passionate about their definitions though, which is to be expected. Mental health is a very touchy and personal topic for a lot of people, so people on both sides have really passionate emotions about it.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "i think people who are mentally healthy should stay away from the community; both so they don’t judge those whose thoughts they don’t understand but also for their own protection and comfort. the topics talked about in jirai spaces are triggering and disturbing. i don’t blame, nor judge jirais forthe abusive behavior neurotypicals could accuse them of — it is often not their fault and a mentally healthy person could easily harm a jirai as well. i think such interactions would end up with mutual suffering on each side." ‪♡ " to call yourself a jirai you need to wear the makeup, the clothes, and suffer from some sort of mental illness especially if your livelihood is often threatened by the fact you have these conditions. and its OKAY to not cal yourself a jirai its NOT A GOOD THING to want to be a jirai mentally ill people who call themselves jirai onna are mentally ill and just find comfort in some form by the title." ‪♡ ". i do feel like these are two separate communities with some overlap, especially with the recent western discourse. i don't like these terms as i feel they are a bit harsh but there is a difference between "fashion only jirai" and "lifestyle jirai". of course anyone can appreciate cool clothes but the landmine side of the community deserves a safe space to talk about their issues and relate to each ‪other without uneducated jirai kei wearers bashing them" ‪♡ "i wouldnt say you necessarily have to be struggling mentally to be considered jirai kei, but i dont personally like the way some fashion only jirais negatively talk about the more lifestyle jirais at times. i also however dont think lifestyle jirais should be actively trying to call people out for being a fashion only jirai. it could end up being quite harmful, as you never really know what people are going through." ‪♡ "You may have a mental illness such as BPD which directly links to the “Explosive Landmine” personality. Otherwise it’s fine to just call yourself a Fashion Landmine and only wear Jirai Kei without “being Jirai”." ‪♡ "It really depends on if someone likes the fashion only, identifies as a jirai (landmine person), or both. Someone who likes the fashion may just say they dress in jirai kei clothes. Also, just because someone identifies themselves as a stereotypical jirai and calls themselves just landmine doesn't always mean they wear the fashion either; although it's more common for someone to do both and straight-up call themselves jirai." ‪♡ "being mentally ill (and i mean... cmon a little more than just depression and anxiety because like all of gen z struggles with that((this isn't the mental illness olympics but this is meant to be a safe space for people struggling with more severe illnesses))) and owning like a few coords that isn't that one DML coord that everyone has and wearing the damn makeup" ‪♡ "I think just respecting the community. You don't have to be "mentally ill enough" to join but you do need to respect people no matter their problems and coping mechanisms." ‪♡ "Hot take but if you’re not a Jirai in Japan you’re not a true Jirai and I don’t mean the fashion I’m talking about life choices . You can wear the fashion without having to call yourself a landmine" ‪♡ "there's no requirement, anyone can wear the fashion. it's just clothes."

Do you feel like there is a difference between "Jirai Kei" and "Landmine Kei"?

Most people said no, which is the kind of idea that I had but I wanted to ask because I have seen people use them in different ways. Most of the people who said yes said that in English-speaking circles Landmine is used more to talk about the mental health aspects of things while Jirai is used more when talking about the fashion or overall community. Which I think is interesting. It seems to me that separating Landmine and Jirai is another way that people try to separate the clothing from the mental health community like the distinction people make between Jirai Kei and Dark Girly Kei fashions. (Anything else I have to say here would go into my own opinions so I'm going to leave it at that - it's an interesting thing to think about).

A few quotes: ♡ "i believe there is a difference between simply wearing jirai kei and being a landmine. people in the english speaking community generally use landmine kei to describe the mentally ill side of the community even though jirai literally means landmine. i only see landmine kei used in context of like the fashion mine vs lifestyle mine debate." ♡ "From my experience, I have seen many English speakers misinterpret the term 'Jirai Kei' and water it down to fashion but, of course, that shouldn't represent all of the English-speakers partaking in the discussion." ♡ "Anywho considering Jirai is a direct translation to Landmine, I don’t see how they could be any different." ♡ "I think Landmine Kei is more dressing up as the stereotype and Jirai Kei is the lifestyle that predates the stereotype." ♡ "I feel like calling it landmine kei does alert people more to the mental health side of the subculture"

What is your favourite part of the Jirai Kei Subculture?

This was a combined question "What is your favourite and least-favourite part of the subculture" and most people skipped the favourites part and started just talking about what they hate which did make me a little bit sad. I really liked reading about what people liked in the community.

Most people said the fashion was their favourite part. Both people who said that Jirai Kei is a mental health-based community and people who said Jirai Kei is a fashion-based community brought up fashion as a favourite part of theirs.

"Community" is a very vague thing - in this context, it mostly means they were talking about how they share a lot in common with people in the community whether that be fashion, idols, music, aesthetics, mental health, etc. However, most of the people who mentioned mental health as a main part of why they love the community are counted in "Safe Space" instead.

A few quotes: ♡ "I have dealt with a ton of ableism and med shaming before irl and in other places online, but never in the jirai community. So it makes me happy that I can vent without people treating me like I'm "crazy" or trying to force dramatic changes onto me." ♡ "I love the clothes so much of course so the aesthetic of the fashion is my favorite." ♡ "The clothes of course, I really loved visiting the clothes shops in Japan. People in Japan are really nice about my clothing and often compliment me when I wear Jirai Kei, plus all of the shopgirls are really kind." ♡ "my fav part is the super cute clothes and how u can meet so many other ppl who not only have the same fashion style, but also similiar/same issues/experiences as you, so you can share pretty much anything with no judging at all!!! ^_^" ♡ "I like having a place where I can be open about the reality of my mental illnesses without being bombarded with “solutions”." ♡ "i love wearing cute outfits, seeing other people's codes and seeing other landmines experiences ." ♡ "the fact that people actually understand how i think / feel most of the time , and that i won't get weird looks / i won't be judged for things" ♡ "Most favourite: people identifying each other and bonding over shared experiences (and of course, the fashion)" ♡ "I love the community as a space for people on all lines of recovery to come together and exist without judgement" ♡ "My favorite part of the subculture is blogs, the fact that the people in the community get to share their thoughts & be related to & validated makes me really happy" ♡ "I love how empowering Jirai Kei makes me feel."

What is your least favourite part of the Jirai Kei subculture?

NOTE BECAUSE SOME OF THEM GOT CUT OFF: ‪♡ "People who say you have to be..." is "People who say you have to be mentally ill" ‪♡ "People who use mental illness as an..." is "people who use mental illness as an excuse to be mean" ‪♡ "People who say you have to buy" is "people who say you have to buy certain brands"

The top answer was fashion Jirais. This is a combination of people who specifically said the term "Fashion Jirai" and people who said things like "people who only wear the clothes" or "people who think the community is just cute clothes and ignore the mental illness aspect of it". I combined those into the same count.

"Anti-recovery" as a category is more than just people talking about how recovery isn't front and centre like Menhera, or people talking about venting - it is specifically people who talked about people who say you cannot be in recovery if you are part of the Jirai Kei community.

"Glamorization of Sh/Ed" also is more than just people talking about posts that talk about those things, it is people who specifically said it is over-romanticized / glamourized. And as a note this is different from "lifestyle Jirais" since that category includes people that are just talking about vent posts or mention "lifestyle jirai"s by name.

"Lifestyle Jirais" and "People who don't wear the clothes" are also two different categories, lifestyle jirais is either people who said that by name or were talking about people who vent or think the community is mental-health based, and "people who don't wear the clothes" is just that, it's the people who specifically called that out.

I don't have too much to add here since I can't really add anything here without stating my personal opinions which isn't what I'm trying to do right now. I did find it comforting that most other people are sick of the discourse, and it's both people who think Jirai Kei is fashion-based and people who think Jirai Kei is mental health-based that were saying this.

A few quotes: ♡ "But there are legit people on here who act like you're 'fake' if you aren't attempting suicide every hour or something lmao" ♡ "i'm sick of sharing my safe space with people who think it's just a pink blouse and some short skirts and a bow." ♡ "putting a label on jirai that you have to act a certain way seems wrong. some rules and bashing on other girls wanting to wear the fashion is very wrong too." ♡ "i’m simply utterly terrified of rejection." ♡ "My least favorite would probably have to be those who promote self harm or say you have to engage in some sort of dangerous stuff to be a part of the subculture. While many of us do struggle with these things, it's super unnecessary to push people (mostly the fashion only jirai keis) to harm themselves." ♡ "least fav is that there are a lot of gatekeepers who want you to prove that you're actually mentally ill or they turn it into a competition of who's suffering the most. I also don't like how many jirai are anti recovery if someone chooses to recover (not forced, but their own choice). and I don't like that there are some really young kids in the community, like 13 and under" ♡ "I hate the people who slap a random pink shirt on and a black mini skirt and call it jirai because it’s not. Jirai is so much more than pink and black." ♡ "least fav is probably the fact how some ppl will say the most vile shit ever and use the fact that theyre a jirai as an excuse (it can always be a reason for said behavior, but never an excuse!! 😭😭)" ♡ "fashion "jirais". i don't like discourse at all , but i really wish people would understand the whole point of jirai kei before calling themselves a landmine :(" ♡ "the least, however, are the people who say you "dont need to be mentally ill to call yourself jirai" which is just ridiculous" ♡ "I don't like the narrative that we have to buy from the original designer or it's not Jirai, that's just buying into what the fashion industry wants you to think. A fashion is a style, not a designer brand. Quite frankly I just don't like being limited to certain brands." ♡ "Constant discourse (assuming that people can't resonate with the subcul just because they're not as vocal about their experiences as the others PLUS the bullying of actual people who struggle for venting when that is the core of this subcul)" ♡ "i wish it was more mature because many jirai people are in their early teens (12-14) and i feel the need to act as a role model in spaces that include minors, rather than speaking freely as i would normally among people closer to my age" ♡ "least favourite: weird gatekeeping (eg. "you can't wear jirai kei because you're not mentally ill""), shaming peoples looks and fatshaming in general" ♡ "My least favorite is the ones who say you have to be anti-recovery to be jirai. It's okay to be tired of hurting." ♡ "i detest the infighting, and the way that it's rapidly growing is kind of pissing me off because im more comfortable in smaller communities" ♡ "As for least favourite, glorification of ED and SH (I must note, glorification, not just the fact people discuss/have it in the community) as well as the fatphobia and such"

Overall very interesting read and very mixed responses, but also not actually as mixed as I thought they would be. Most people landed somewhere in the middle where they considered both fashion and mental health to be parts of the subculture and just had different levels of importance for those two things. Most people also did mention mental health being part of their reasoning for being here, whether they engage more in the fashion side of things or the mental health side of things.

If there are any clarifying questions about what the titles of things in these graphs really mean or why I chose to break things down in the way that I did I am more than happy to provide clarification to that! I'll try to respond to any comments like that as soon as I can. I won't be engaging in discourse or defending any points or anything (at least not here) - this is more about the answers to the survey and not my personal opinions so pls understand T-T.

If you read all that mess thank you! Took me a while to actually get all of this compiled. If you didn't thank you regardless! Especially if you responded in the survey to begin with ♡

Also if anyone is uncomfortable with their answer being posted in the answers document please contact me either on Tumblr @jiraisupportgroup or on Reddit @ Mara-melody (DMs should be open on both) with the details about which response was yours and I will delete it from the publicly available document! Thank you!!

[mistresssheo]

The one from @cawyden-gaming inspired me to write this. It's not perfect and my English isn't good (probably terrible, but I think few people understand it in German, I don't know) 🙈

have fun!

It takes place after the event, when the RT returns after 20 days, after the thing with Cassia.

Heinrix storms into Livia's room. Cassia and Livia were finally back. Twenty days in which no one knew whether they would return and what had happened. He goes into the bedroom and sees Livia lying on her back in bed. "I want to know what happened!" demands Heinrix, sounding angry. "Cassia and I took a twenty-days vacation, what else," Livia jokes tiredly.

"Now is not the time for jokes, Livia!" Livia straightened up. "What do you want to hear, huh? I was trying to help Cassia, went in there and that picture swallowed me up," she replied, annoyed. "Why didn't you tell anyone that you wanted to help her? Why didn't you tell me?" asks Heinrix, walking over to the bed. Livia lets herself fall backwards. "Do you always tell me everything you do?" Heinrix is silent and stares at her. "No, and you know I can't do that either..." Livia interrupts him. "Yes, yes, because you're with the Inquisition... I wanted to help a friend and I did. I couldn't have known that something like this would happen, no one could have known. I'm sorry! But I would have helped anyone in my inner circle, including Idira or Yrliet," she says. She straightens up again. Heinrix is still staring at her. "Or are you not angry with me at all? Can that be? You're angry with yourself, aren't you?" Heinrix looks away. Silence falls. "I ... I thought I'd never see you again. Never have the chance to hold you in my arms or just be near you again," he says quietly and sits down on the bed. This surprises Livia more than she had expected. She sits down next to him and hugs him. "Don't think about it. I'm back." She hugs him tightly. After a moment, Livia laughs sheepishly. "Could it be that you've neglected yourself a little in the meantime?" she asks him carefully, taking a good look at him. He has dark circles under his eyes, stubble and looks exhausted. "I ..." before he could answer properly, Livia stood in front of him and held out her hand. "Come on, let's go for a swim, that's what I have this pool for, isn't it? You can relax there after all the grief I've caused you." Heinrix smiled a little. "Yes, that would be nice." He took her hand and stood up. Livia giggled mischievously. "And if you want, we can also make out and maybe do other naughty things." Before they left, he kissed Livia. "Please don't ever do that again." Livia returned his embrace. "I can't promise you that and you can't promise me that either. But what I do promise you is that I will never touch a picture of Cassia again, I promise! Once is enough, it was really scary there." They stood there like that for a while. He didn't want to let her go. Livia giggled. "Come on, let's go, we can continue over there."

[oldfritz]

Hey sorry if this is bothering you but I'm debating someone on reddit rn and they declare that Fritz wasn't queer/gay and was straight and I need like all the sources I can find, so next to my own research I thought I'd ask around as well.

If you can't or don't want to provide that's absolutely fine as well!!!

.....this on r/prussia? I hate that place. Said they don't allow fascists but what do you find in the comments? Fascists. Yeah, I'll help you out. Though, really hun, you're better than arguing with schmucks on Reddit. Don't let the Kaiserboos and Goosesteppers Anonymous take up too much more of your time. Observe them behind glass, take your notes, and go armed into the world.

Anyways, here's my your our sources that make a case for Fritz's queerness (and under a cut for kindness):

Starting off with Fritz's erotic letter to Algarotti. This version is translated by historian, and cool enough guy and Twitter follow, Giles Macdonogh. I appreciate that he gives it a more lyrical feel, as opposed to some literal translations of Fritz's poetry that just make him look overly hackish. Algarotti is noted for a lot of things but what's relevant here is being one of Fritz's possible paramours (and also one of my personal faves). This isn't a smoking gun on its own, but combined with the totality of everything else, it's revealing. Pretty much what the article/Macdonogh raises, I agree with.

Frederick the Great: The Magnificent Enigma by Robert B. Asprey. For all these books, you'll wanna search for- von Keith, Katte, homosexuality, foppishness/effeminacy, Algarotti, Voltaire, Fredersdorf, Elisabeth Christine/the queen. I've got physical copies of all these and have no clue if the Internet Archive versions give you access to the index. Hope they do!

Frederick the Great: King of Prussia by Tim Blanning. In chapter three, "The Making of Frederick," there's a big ass section about his queerness. Some people disagree with how Blanning translates his French; he certainly has a flare for the dramatics just comparing differing English and German translations.

Frederick the Great by Giles Macdonogh.

Iron Kingdom by Christopher Clark. He leads you to some interesting primary sources, even if I find his conclusion rather milquetoast.

Frederick the Great by Nancy Mitford.

If you can read German, here's a database of everything Fritz has ever written. You see a letter mentioned in one of the books above, you can find it for yourself! Goes for his memoirs too and a bunch of other shit. Searching for the names above (sans his wife) would be a good starting point.

Happy arguing!

[crplpunkklavier]

Hey there! I might be applying for a PhD program in Germany next year and I was wondering if there was anything about Germany that's normal for natives but foreigners are confused about that you'd like to share? For instance, I was once told virtually nothing in Germany opens on Sundays, things like that <3

that's correct yeah, definitely get your shopping done BEFORE sundays and official holidays, because all stores will be closed. that includes places like pharmacies and doctor's offices! if you have a medical emergency on a weekend it's basically like having one in the middle of the night, so you'll have to find your local emergency numbers to call. the only places that ARE open on sundays/holidays are gas stations and some kiosks, so if you just need drinks and/or snacks, you're fine.

every bottle or can you buy that has this symbol on it:

you can return at stores with Pfandautomaten. theyre machines in grocery stores that you can feed your bottles/cans into, and they print a receipt that you hand over at the register, and youll get a little bit of money back. depending on what it was, it can be like 25 ct per can or something. its money you already paid when you bought it, so you dont get free money or anything, but its nice. also my non-german spouse just loves standing in front of those machines and watching.

our infrastructure is pretty bad in comparison to, like, most other industrialized places lol. its highly unlikely that there will be public wifi where you are, so get set up with a sim card asap. reception/data might still be pretty bad if youre not in a big city. the plus side of how backwards we still are about many things is that germans still looove cash. there will be places that do not take cards. usually its smaller places like bakeries or a farmers market stand. but it will happen

do go to a bakery whenever you can. you can get bread rolls for 30 cents and entire loaves for 3 bucks. theyre good!

there will be no a/c unless youre in a store or in a place with properly funded trains/trams. no residential buildings have a/c. i will be very surprised if your university does

if youre moving into any sort of student housing deal you might not have to deal with this, but if you're going to rent an apartment here, chances are it won't have a kitchen, and potentially it won't have flooring either. you have to get that yourself. it then ~belongs to you~ and you can take it with you when you move again, or try to sell it to the next tenant, and apparently people think that thats a good way to do this? i dunno lol. you can get kitchens at ikea. i'm sorry.

i'm not entirely sure where you're from, but if you don't get cold winters there then it might be worth to read up generally on how to dress for central european winters. you're not going to get fully snowed in unless you're moving all the way south to the alps, but we get snow sludge pretty much everywhere, and temperatures will drop to around 0° celsius.

april and may will feel crazy. you'll get 27°c one day and a thunderstorm will cool things down to 10° the next day.

most people speak english! we learn it in school. some will be apprehensive to do it, many will have a thick accent. but you will probably get through to people if your german isn't solid enough yet.

we have a large turkish population! try their food, go to their supermarkets, it's worth it!

good luck!! i will rb this if i think of anything else <3

[historia-vitae-magistras]

I do! And its here on ao3 as well.

"Pssst," A voice cut through his slumber. He turned onto his side, flailing one arm at whoever was hissing at him to make the noisemaker go away and leave him the fuck alone, dragging the plaid with him so he could get back to sleep.

"Go away,"

"Mattie," Jack said. "Wake up already; I need to ask you a question!"

"Can it wait? I've got a headache,"

"You just had a headache. The Cooper's lad says you have more headaches than his wife trying to get out of a shag. And that's not my fault, so wake up!"

Matthew snorted. All sleep left him. Jack had a… habit of repeating everything he heard without understanding it. He turned onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes, trying to block out the daylight from the cracks in the heavy green velvet curtains of his father's study. Jack would figure out economic panics at some point. But, Matthew supposed, he was awake now.

"Come on, Mattie; I have questions!"

"You aren't even allowed to be in here," Matthew pointed out. That had been the whole bloody point of his escape into the study, to begin with.

"You are!" Jack huffed.

"I'm older."

"So?"

They'd had this argument a thousand times. Matthew didn't answer, so Jack launched into his counterargument. It was unfair that Mattie got access to the space! It was horse shit Mattie wasn't awake and answering questions. The leather groaned as Matthew rolled onto his back, switching the arm he draped over his eyes as his left shoulder ached. Jack was still talking, making his argument as to why Matthew should be conscious.

"Jack," Matt sat up, braving the dull light.

"What? It isn't fair! You're older, but I'm growing faster. It's not my fault your economy sucks a soft-boiled egg!"

"Jack. I'm awake. Ask the bloody question."

"Oh." Jack blinked. "Okay. Good morning, by the way."

"Morning," Matthew replied, shaking his head. Jesus. "What did you want to ask?"

Jack clambered onto the couch and burrowed into Matt's side, pulling his elder brother's spare arm around himself. He was quiet and still for a moment, and Matthew thought that particular enough to frown.

"What's the matter?"

"I forgot my question." Jack gave a sheepish grin. "Sorry."

Matthew sighed. He'd been woken up for nothing. There was no shutting Jack up when he got into a curious mood. And that was most of the time because when didn't Jack have questions? Jack had questions morning, noon and night. They'd sit in the parlour for tea, sit down at the table for dinner, go for a turn about the gardens or the great hall, or take out the horses. Where they were or what they were doing didn't matter. Jack would babble on with questions so fast there was no need to answer one before he was onto another.

What were the charterists mad about? Why did birds fly? Why did he have to sit still? Why do things burn? Why was Matthew French? Why didn't Aunt Brighid write? Did the French really get cholera licking each other? Why should they be English if the Queen's family all spoke German? Why does alcohol make people feel funny? Why didn't the moon get mouldy if it was made out of cheese?

Thoughts clattering to a halt, the image of home flooded through him, unbidden. It was raining at home in Halifax too. His gase flicked to the window. Ah, right, that was why Jack was on the hunt for information. Father had ordered everyone indoors today. No letting the young ones run wild in the paddocks when they'd be knee-deep in the mud and become ill. Jack was bored. And when he was bored, he was even more inquisitive than usual.

Jack tugged his arm. The throb in his skull had at least dulled to an ache that further abated when he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, admitting defeat. But he was looking away from Matt.

"Where's Father?"

"Drunk," Zee chirped, and Matthew startled. She had appeared in the doorway without him even hearing when the swish of her skirts should have been as loud enough to alert him, but he really was out of it. Oh God, were both of them on the same mission? He sat up. Jack could be distracted but Zee? She was a bloodhound. And she never forgot anything.

"What is it?"

"Have you seen the head?"

"The what?" Matthew sat straight on the sofa, nearly knocking his skull into Jack's. He was staring up at Matt, practically vibrating with either cold or excitement. In England, it was likely to be both. Zee was right at his elbow.

"Oh, right! That's what I wanted to ask. Olly's head." said Jack. "The one that Father says he keeps up on the mantle in that fancy box," He pointed at the carved mahogany box on the mantel, etched with what he'd bet was Uncle Rhys spell work, but they didn't talk about that.

"He didn't tell you that," Zee said, clambering onto the chair Jack had used to climb over the back of the Chesterfield to harass him. "You heard it in the scullery, which means it's bird shit,"

"Still," Jack shrugged and jabbed a finger at Matt. "He would know if it's real or not. Now tell us!"

Matt frowned at them and decided to lie. "No. I haven't." He grabbed Jack tightly under the armpits so he couldn't wriggle away and set him down on the sofa where he couldn't make nearly as much mischief as he could standing on a chair. There were too many breakable things in the study. He wasn't even supposed to be in here.

"Liar," Zee said, rounding the arm of the sofa and clutching the skirts of her plaid dress, sat down. She could always be trusted to be less destructive than the wee Tasmanian devil. Matthew swung his gaze at her and glared.

She lifted her chin and stared right back. "You've seen it. So if it isn't in the box, show us the box."

"Eleanor–" Matt sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. His head was pounding again.

"You know its in there." She said. "Just tell the truth."

"Yeah! Father lets you in here," Jack said excitedly. Matthew sighed and smoothed Jack's unruly hair.

"It's in that box, yes." He admitted. "Do you want to see it?"

They were suddenly still. Matthew clenched his jaw. Arthur had made him look at it. Back then, before the house had been Jack-proofed, it had been displayed behind glass. The horrible shrunken skull with tight, parchment-mummified skin and a grinning jaw that wiggled when the display cloche over its base moved at all. It was a French flag over his land back then. Arthur had only closed one hand over his neck and made him look. The implication had been clear. That's where you'll end up, too, my boy, if you're not careful.

"Is it… a real head?" Zee whispered, wide-eyed with awe. "I've seen those at home. Did Father have it tanned and stuffed and all?"

He didn't respond.

"At home… the head is powerful." She said carefully, as if translating a concept she'd never spoken about into English was difficult. Perhaps it was. Matthew didn't know what to say to that. He was thinking, mind spinning, when Jack's babbling saved him.

"Why's he call it Olly?" Jack asked, oblivious. Matthew had to take a moment to compose himself.

"When he lived, his name used to be Oliver. He was a very… powerful man." Matthew said very quietly. "He was a tyrant."

"Why'd he give Father his head then?"

"He didn't,"

"Then why's Father got it?" Zee asked. They drew nearer, and Matthew stood, pulling them with him, needing out of that room, away from that box and its half-forgotten contents. He walked them to the door, remembering a day when he had been the problem, the opponent, the obstacle in father's way.

"Because he made father his enemy."

[salvadorbonaparte]

Im sorry if this is annoying but life has been killing me lately with stress about future and what ifs,,, so please feel free to ignore if you dont feel like answering, though it would a great help if you do.

For my bachelor's degree, i majored in English and minored in hebrew. I graduated two years ago and have been thinking of applying to get my master's in trilingual translation but im scared it won't be worth the time and effort (and money) or won't be enough to survive in a world where ai is getting stronger and inflation is eating people alive.

Any advice would be appreciated 🙏😭

Hello!

Don't worry, I completely get you. I did end up spending the time and money on that master's in translation (only one language combination though) and it is stressing me to think about my future and how I'm graduating soon. But that's normal. And I'm also excited. Because I love translation and I am excited to find out where I end up.

Do you enjoy translating? Is it something you're good at? Can you picture yourself doing it as your day job?

If the answer is yes, why not do it?

Translators are not a dying species. There is a lot of fearmongering about AI everywhere but most of that is bullshit and the parts that aren't bullshit are just capitalism being a curse - that can be solved (ppsst: join a translation association or union).

I visited the translation office of the European Union the other day and one of the translators there said something along the lines of "Machine Translation isn't going to steal your job but someone who knows how to use Machine Translation might."

You can survive as a translator, you just need to go with the times: learn about translation technology, localisation, trans-creation and copywriting, audio-visual translation, audio description, video game localization etc etc - all of these are areas that are very important at the moment. There's also always people being wanted in areas like Editing and Project Management if you enjoy those things (I don't, some of my coursemates do).

I don't know what your third language is but I'm pretty sure Hebrew is already a premium language so you'll already have an easier time than me, who is an idiot and only works with English and German currently.

[dark-nekofear]

tagged by @kukiyuuri ur so sweet ty for the tag <3

ONE. Are you named after anyone?

*Office stare* whatever gave u that impression? :3c

yea my queer ass swiped Roxas' name as my own. I had a major identity crisis after leaving a cult a decade ago so it kinda felt fitting to pick the name with his own history with cults & identity issues hehe

2. When was the last time you cried?

couple days ago, tho I have a very hard time crying anymore. thaaaat's probs not good ^^;; I used to be a huge crybaby.

3. Do you have kids?

thankfully not. I'm enough work as is tyvm

4. What sports do you play? have you played?

I played street hockey with my neighbors quite a bit growing up, tho it was rather short-lived when they suddenly had a problem with playing with a girl (boy do I have news for them). in high school I joined the tennis team. I wasn't stellar at it but I had a blast. wish there were more opportunities to play but that requires other ppl wanting to play.

these days I've been reconnecting with my childhood love of rollerblading. I'm close to being as good as I used to be which is so exciting cuz there's so much I never mastered! so I'm about to cross over into new territory!

5. Do you use sarcasm?

what's sarcasm? ovo

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

looking at the world thru an artist's lens, I notice things like posture, expression, body language first. which can tell u a lot about a person in the moment without a word being spoken.

7. What's your eye color?

blue! I think they're turning gray as I get older which is kinda cool but also a little sad.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

depends on my mood; both are good. so long as the story is told well anything goes really.

9. Any talents?

I suffer from the good at the arts but bad at everything modern society deems useful disease. my main talent is probs drawing, writing coming second (if I ever get the spoons to do it again). I'm also decent at singing with my long history with choir & leading worship services.

10. Where were u born?

the most boring place on earth -- the US Midwest. Siri, play "Sidewalks" by Story of the Year.

11. What are your hobbies?

a lot of my free time lately has been getting back into studying languages. I'm mostly focused on Japanese atm but I'm also at an intermediate level in German & conversational in ASL.

I game quite a bit too, primarily retro games. *screaming crying throwing up that PS2-era is now considered retro* seldom do I play things upon release except of KH.

oh, I'm also a casual fashion doll collector (mostly Barbie & Monster High). old media as well (vhs, retro games, music, etc). lost media & preservation of the arts in general really interests me.

I play guitar a bit too but lol I suck at it.

other hobbies previously touched on in earlier q's include drawing, skating, singing & writing. :3c

12. Do you have any pets?

I have a kitty! she's a dilute calico & a huge diva cuz she knows she's gorgeous. she's loud af just like me & loves talking to her fave humans in the sassiest tone possible.

13. How tall are u?

not tall enough. 165cm

14. Favorite subjects in school?

German (easily my best subject), art & English.

15. Dream job?

I've been thinking a lot about circling back to an old dream job. something utilizing my knack for picking up languages. maybe interpreting or teaching? I'd really like to go back to school so I can maybe have a decent shot at something overseas. where? I'm still deciding. being trans kinda complicates it a bit. with that in mind & having several instances of homelessness this past decade I've concluded the US isn't a viable place for me to continue living. I have a unique opportunity to rebuild rn & I intend to utilize it. even if that means allowing my art to return to being just a hobby.

ahh! sorry I'm totally ending this on a bummer note huh? uhh uhh... puppies! think of puppies!! & kitties!!!

anyway, I'll tag uhh... whoever wants to do this? >w<; u can obvi say I tagged ya.

[oro-e-diamanti]

much too detailed and unqualified review of Rush! that no one asked for under the cut

as a disclaimer, I gave each song two listens, one on spotify just focusing on the music and another one watching the lyric videos (and a translation where needed lol), also I didn't review the last three songs because they've been out a while I guess?

Own My Mind

First listen: don't hate it, love the bass line, feels like it's missing something I can't pinpoint, love the short guitar solo, will probably enjoy this more live and singing along, 6/10

Second listen: actually like it better on the second listen, bumped to 7/10, music is better than the lyrics but it's not horible, there's good moments but then it just fails to keep up lyrically I think

Gossip

First listen: like it more than I thought from the preview, so short??, it's okay, I also still haven't watched the video what's wrong with me, good guitar, 7/10

Second listen: don't think the lyrics are bad, it's a bit of a predictable topic maybe, but it's not bad!

Timezone

First listen: the beginning reminds me of another song but I can't pinpoint it but it's bugging me now, not bad, but it's sounding less like Maneskin than the other songs to me, 5/10

Second listen: figured it out on the second listen: the beginning is giving me Under The Bridge vibes, lyrics are mid-tier, ignoring all context, it's okay but I'm not blown away

Bla Bla Bla

First listen: someone said this sounds like NDW and as a German I can't unhear, I don't like the way Damiano sings in this one sorry, the arrangement isn't bad, like the bass line and how it evolves but just… put different singing over it lmao, not one I'll put on actively unless it comes on shuffle probably, 4/10

Second listen: yup, still not vibing with this, the lyrics aren't really doing this song any favours I feel, this sounds like they had a good idea music-wise and then just fucked around in the studio and spontaneously put silly lyrics over it but... then never improved them and just recorded it like that, gonna have to lower it to 3/10 just for that mess

Baby Said

First listen: I don't hate it??, could be fun, yeah okay I'm vibin, I don't mind this at all, 7/10

Second listen: yeah this is fun, I'm probably gonna like this a little more with every listen, the lyric video is also somewhat making me loose my mind like ma'am I'm already gay, fuck it I'm gonna bump it to a 8/10

Gasoline

First listen: ok, obviously not new but let's give it a good listen again, I do like this more than when it came out now?, quite tight musically, not gonna start discussing any context because enough has been said about that, ignoring all of that probably 7/10

Second listen: the lyrics aren't bad, I'd be able to enjoy them more if they hadn't marketed it the way they did I think

Feel

First listen: not bad, good riff, feels old school, in a good way, a bit of a Seven Nation Army mood, they're never gonna get over the cocaine thing are they lmao, 8/10

Second listen: I still like it, maneskin songs about sex in English are the most fun I feel, everything else might be better done in Italian still

Don't Wanna Sleep

First listen: I think Vic will really vibe to this live but I also think I'm gonna forget about this song quite quickly unless I listen to it regularly lol, not bad but nothing special I think?, 6/10

Second listen: second listen didn't really change my opinion, pretty average, gotta appreciate Thomas' dancing in the lyric video though ahh, he heard the lyrics "dance dance dance until I die" and went "yes"

Kool Kids

First listen: I stand by my opinion that this is trying to be punk but it's just not quite working out, also what's with Damiano's enunciation?, did he change accents?, did he have water in his mouth he forgot to swallow before starting to sing?, this definitely sounded better live lol sorry, I still don't vibe with this really, 3/10

Second listen: I'm not sure why I'm watching the lyric video because I unfortunately have read the lyrics before and I'm still not impressed lol sorry

If Not For You

First listen: the whiplash from going to this after kool kids, nice, cute, not groundbreaking, 6/10

Second listen: the lyrics are very dramatic but not in a way I particularly enjoy, not for me I think

Read Your Diary

First listen: I quite like this actually, it's a fun sound, can't argue with that, 7/10

Second listen: do I like the lyrics or do I just enjoy the aesthetic of the lyric video, it's better than a number of other songs on here for sure, might grow on me more in the future

Mark Chapman

First listen: this immediately sounds much better, italian songs just do it better, Damiano's voice just has a different quality in his mother tongue, 9/10

Second listen: even better on the second listen, potentially the 10/10 of the album, good lyrics, title makes more sense now lol but yes, think it's my favourite on the album overall

La Fine

First listen: fun fact, this is my first time listening to this because I had auditory issues with my brain apparently lol, hmm yes I'm vibing, you know it's a good sign when I'm wiggling in my seat listening lol, filed under "songs I'll desperatly try to sing along to live and fail spectacularly", 9/10

Second listen: yeah this is damn good, definitely a 9/10 at least, lyrics are amazing, they just know what they're doing in Italian, it's gorgeous

Il Dono Della Vita

First listen: it starts very abruptly, he just sounds very gorgeous in Italian, pretty song, 8/10

Second listen: oh fuck yes I love the lyrics, gotta be a 9/10 just for them, damn

[tonberry-yoda]

Hey there! :DD

I saw your requests are open and I was wondering if I could get an (romantic or platonic, it’s up to you) Overwatch Matchup? Headcanons, or a small drabble if you prefer (cooking or shopping together?)

Sorry, this is gonna be all over the place, but:

I’m a demigirl and gay asf (women iykwim). A bit taller and kinda chubby? My hair is pretty short and I have a tendency to impulsively dye it with wash out colours. I’m also an audhd kid lmao. Born and raised in Austria, so I’m fluent in german as well as english (I know a tiny bit of spanish too!)

I live for cute things!!! It’s round and soft? I need it!But I come of as kinda scary because I dress more punk/alt, which is a shame because I’m touch starved and want a hug real bad. I also have a very strange sense of humor, which I’d need a partner who wouldn’t mind that.

I love vocaloids and goth music and I think that sums up my personality perfectly haha (my favorite musician rn is Shilpa Ray!!!) I listen to music pretty much 24/7.

Ideally, I’d like someone who’s fun to be around, yet still respecting of my boundaries. My love languages are gift-giving, parallel play and physical touch and I’d need a partner who would be excited about randomly getting leaves or just memes from me. I love baking and cooking for people I care about!! I also draw a lot, alongside other creative things like sculpting, photography, cosplay and writing. I tend to stim when really excited and if someone joined me in doing that, it’d actually make me want to marry them or keep them in a glass terrarium to observe their activities. I also just LOVE shopping, even if I don’t end up buying anything.

To sum it up: scary looking chubby girl with a love for cute things and way too many hobbies who makes too many jokes for their own good

I hope that’s alright? Also no pressure to write this at all!!

(Btw I love your writing style!!! <3)

hi there!!! this was perfect!! it was super easy for me to pick a character for you!! and seriously, thanks for asking for an overwatch matchup because i do not do enough overwatch requests lol. alright im rambling, now onto your character!

the character I chose for you is...

MEI!!

like women you say??

LIKE CUTE THINGS YOU SAY???

this is the cutest woman in town!

plus y'all are both a lil chubby making cuddling THE BEST

like cuddles are the absolute best with this girl!

she will 100% help you dye your hair

round and soft you say???

here's your new girlfriend!!

she doesnt mind if you come off as a little scary, if anything, she's obsessed with the dynamic of the both of you

she's super cute and wears just soft outfits and you look all grunge and punk

it's awesome

she likes the music you listen to, but it definitely isn't her go to, so just know that she will be putting on lofi and you will be groaning in the background, waiting for the aux back lmaooo

she LOVES to laugh

she doesnt mind a weirder sense of humor because she definitely has a goofy one

like those really random gen z memes are her shit

send her those at 3am and she will be laughing for hours lmfao

SHE NEEDS PHYSICAL TOUCH AS MUCH AS YOU DO

i mean, she is cold all the time, so warm cuddles are what she needs the most

expect a lot of random hugs from out of nowhere

she loves baking and cooking just as much as you do (that's what your mini fic below is gonna be about tee hee)

please tell her about your hobbies

she loves to see you excited

and please ask about hers

she loves talking to you for hours <3

she thinks it is sweet when you stim, so she will grab your hands and jump in the air with you when you're both excited

definitely not bothered by your adhd at all

she will help you when you need it most

she will 10000% go shopping with you and even end up buying you stuff even when you say she doesnt have to

and you will do the same lmaooo

just know that she loves you with all her heart and couldnt ask for a better girlfriend/partner!! <333

NOW FOR THE MINI FIC TEE HEE

MINI FIC

You giggled and watched Mei as she was fully focused on icing the cake you two had made together. Her tongue was slightly sticking out to help her focus and she had a dot of white icing on her nose.

She pulled back for a second to look the cake over and you needed to help get rid of that icing that was annoying you so much. You kissed her on the nose and licked off the icing making her giggle. "Ew, don't lick me!" She said jokingly, lightly pushing you away.

"You had icing on your nose." You said, taking the piping tool from her to finish up the details on the cake.

"Did I really?" She asked, her face going a bit red.

"Yeah, but it was cute." You stopped icing for a second to give her a kiss on the cheek, making her smile.

"You know, I think this is the best cake we've made yet," she said, putting her hands on her hips proudly. "What do you think, babe?"

"Oh, definitely!" You finished icing the cake, satisfied with your work and stood to admire it for a moment before taking a picture.

"Are we gonna eat the crap outta this thing?" Mei asked, already grabbing a fork.

"Oh hell yeah we are!"

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[p0rkbun]

GAME OF THRONES ORIGINAL CHARACTER

THE ADVISOR ; Sun Ernest / Sun Bethel

NICKNAMES: Sunny, Nabi

DATE OF BIRTH: 284 AC

ALLEGIANCE: House Bethel (by birth), House Ernest (raised), House Tyrell (by oath)

RELATIVES: Ango Bethel {Biological Father; Deceased}, Unknown Adoptive Parents {Deceased}, Azul Adamus II {Mentor}

CULTURE: Yi ti

HEIGHT: 152cm

WEIGHT: 57kg

HAIR COLOR: Jet black

EYE COLOR: Maroon red

INTERESTS: Weaponry, mystery, art, painting, books, calligraphy, animals and scarfs.

DISLIKES: Coldness, heights and lemons.

ADDITIONAL TRIVIA

CONCEPT ART BY ME: 📂, 📂

Sun's personality type is INTP 5w4 and her zodiac sign is a capricorn

Her sexuality is unlabled but she is more interested in women rather than men

Her role in game of thrones is a deuteragonist advisor

She is fourteen at the start of game of thrones and twenty-one at the end of the series

She is allergic to flowers and lemon

She is a fan of baking and would often bake some sweets in her spare time

Despite being an introverted and prefering to have solitare, Sun is a chatty person and have a habit of infodumping especially about her interests, she is smart person that figures things or situations out quickly, she is also full of curiosity that can sometimes lead her to trouble, though she is clever enough to get away with it.

She is rather blunt sometimes and can come off as rude, though it isn't the case, she is an intelligent person but she doesn't have good understanding of people's feelings. She won't know you're hurt by what she said unless you address it. As well as she is oblivious to some manners of others and not understanding their jokes. Despite this, she is a good person that cares very much even if she doesn't have a good way of showing it.

She has autism

Her adoptive parents died from an unknown illness, for a while she has been on her own until she met her mentor Azul

Azul was the person who introduced her in weaponry when he taught her basic defense

She has sensitive hearing and can easily hear any noise a field away

She lives in the north, even in her years of living there, she still dislikes the cold

Her face claim is Park Eun-bin

Her possible romances are: Daenerys, Sansa and Margaery

The name Sun means "descendant, grandson" in chinese origin

The Surname Ernest means "serious" it's derived from the germanic word 'ernst'

The name Bethel means "house of god" it's a gender-neutral name from hebrew origins

She is an asian based character of chinese ethnicity

Note: Sorry if there's any grammar mistakes or mispellings! English is not my native langauge haha, some of my oc profiles might be edited due to corrections or adding more things so things might be different if you check them everytime. 😀

[lorddeathofmurdermountain]

This is really interesting.

In Croatian, it's also customary to say hi. When I enter a store, for instance, I'll toss out a "Good morning / day / evening" to the clerk without even consciously realizing it, and unless they're really busy (and sometimes even then) they'll return it. Obviously, you're not gonna always say hi to everyone, and it depends on how physically close you are, but if you're passing right next to someone so long as it isn't just random people on the street it's normal to greet them. Nobody is gonna be cross with you if you don't but in some cases it might be seen as weird or mildly unpleasant... Maybe. I've literally never actually not greeted someone when it's expected of me to.

As a kid I even used to greet EVERYONE I came across, since our town was small enough for it usually. This stemmed from the idea that it's considered polite to greet certain types of people, such as those sufficiently older than yourself, or the clergy - but even then it varies greatly from my small home town in the north and the big city further south, along the coast, where I now live, where people sometimes look at me funny if I just randomly greet them in the street; even a nun looked at me strangely when I said "Hvaljen Isus" (shortform for "Hvaljen Isus i Marija", or "Hail Jesus and Mary", the proper way to greet the clergy)! I was so fuckin shocked. People... didn't like me being polite???

Another funny thing I've recalled thanks to the Polish example is about asking stuff. I don't really ever come across people being roundabout in asking things. I don't know if it would be rude, so much as just... Stupid. A simple "Sorry, where is-" is fine. Maybe even "Sorry, tell me, where is-" but going "Sorry, could you please tell me" is excessive and frankly a mouthful. Sounds a bit weird when I literally translate it. "Oprostite, biste li mi molim vas mogli reći"... Yeah. Totally unwieldy. Yuck. You could also address the other person with a third person plural "you", which is seen as polite, though trying to put that into perspective for an English speaking person is a bit tough. It's... Kind of like using "sir" or "madam", but nothing quite as serious, since we do have our own equivalents in "gospodine" and "gospođo". Germans would be much more familiar with the idea considering their use of the word Sie, which is usually a third person singular for female things, which is when capitalized used as a formal "you" instead, actually kind of like how you could send a letter with a capitalized You for respect but with this you can also verbally convey the idea without resorting to words like sir or madam out of necessity.

Ugh. That was a bit too rambly. But yeah, there's all sorts of examples. Like how Italians as well as people living on the coast here, and Slovenians too, like to kiss cheeks as a greeting, which feels much too intimate for me personally but I put up with it. Or how in certain areas, primarily rural ones back home (and likely here too) as well as smaller towns, it's seen as polite to offer alcohol to guests immediately - preferably home make and preferably either wine or something strong like rakija (aka schnapps aka a sort of brandy). Big city folk don't seem to like the idea as much and prefer to offer coffee and juice instead.

Hell, there's even funny examples like how Bosnians will absolutely insist that a burek is only burek if it has cheese filling, calling everything else a pie. They get angry if you order a "meat burek" despite the fact that literally everyone else, including the people they got the food from originally, the Turks, disagrees and sees it as strange, in a "How did you even come to think that" sort of way. Well, it's more of a stereotype than something ALL Bosnians believe in, but it exists for a reason, no?

Natalie Portman being confused by the fact that you have to say “hi” to someone before starting a conversation in France got me like ?????

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

If anyone wants a good depiction of what depression does to your head and their own experience isn't enough for them, picture this:

My mom mentioned she heard of a job at a Dinosaur exhibition building, whatever those are called and you are supposed to recite 10 lines to everyone coming in. They are currently looking for someone who also speaks German cause many German tourists visit it and so far they had only English speakers, so she was basically saying that to my sister. I didn't hear what the job was, at first, but the idea of working at such place sounded fun so I joked like "Can I go?" and my mother instantly went "Do you want to? *^*" and I was like naah, I'm just playing and then both of them starting saying how easy it is and that I could memorize 10 German sentences for the job I don't need to speak the language etc. And I was like yeah so I wake up every morning, take the bus, go to work, recite 10 sentences per person and come back home. Fun. And if some German tourist wishes to ask me sth as they get in I answer "I'm sorry I don't really speak the language that was rehearsed.". And they said that's 1200 euros a month and that they'd both go and then my sister says well if I was as pressed to leave this place as you always say you are, I'd do anything thrown at me, but if one wants to find an excuse for everything they will find an excuse for everything. After that, let me tell you, I didn't want to go work there even to try, out of spite.

[supernovaa-remnant]

yay, i get to be immortalized too :D

but oh my god, the marks people leave behind, i say as i shake you violently. another thing i lose my mind over when i think about it for too long.

because you are so right, it's not only about the ones that outlive us like buildings or art or whatever. like, for example, i still think about one of my ex-friends sometimes. we've known each other for years, did so many things together, but then shit happened and now we haven't talked or even seen each other in like four years. but i still remember her and the fun we had together so fondly.

and to think that's it the other way around too, that maybe the barista i once told i liked their pin still thinks about that sometimes and smiles at the memory like... it's fucking mind-blowing.

anyway, i'll stop now, or i'll be in danger of crying too.

okay, closing the chapter on interstellar... i'm gonna admit, asking me, a movie and tv show freak, about media was the worst (or best, depending on how you wanna look at it lol) decision ever, because i will give you a whole fucking list with reasons.

first of all, i know you like star trek so i hate to admit that i'm the enemy... i'm a star wars girlie.

jokes aside, i do love star wars, especially the original movies, rogue one (probably one of my favorite movies, mention it in my vicinity and i will talk for at least 30 minutes), and andor (the show). i just think that, excluding the last two movies, it's an amazing universe and a lot of the media that came from it is really fucking good. i adore it.

other sci-fi/sci-fi adjacent stuff i like:

ready player one (mostly the movie lol dives into virtual reality and it's influence on real life in the future, really fun and well-made)

dark (german show though from what i know it also got really popular on netflix. a lot of stuff i think you could like, since it's central storyline centers around time travel via wormhole lol actually one of my favorite shows ever, it is so insanely good)

roswell, new mexico (silly alien show lol not that serious compared to some other stuff here but it's fun and the plotline actually is pretty interesting)

the swarm (another german show though it is made in english. this is the adjacent i mentioned above since i think it's not 100% sci-fi but has a lot of elements to it. set on earth in our time with marine life slowly turning against humanity. another show that's super well made)

and that's everything i can think of right now (as if this ask isn't long enough already). please let me know if you decide to check any of these out because i need someone to talk about it with lol

there's a lot of aspects of humanity that make me emotional—the way we impact each other's lives in seemingly unnoticeable ways, the urge to leave proof we existed (the Golden Record we sent to space that will still be there floating in the void long after the Earth has been swallowed by the sun), the fact that we've found new ways to love (because we didn't use to be able to know so much about people across the globe, but now, in this age of globalization, it's lead to people finding new ways to love). there's so much and I would go on longer and in more depth if I didn't feel like I was about to cry lol (please do ask me to elaborate more though if you want—I'd gladly talk more about this with more prompting lol).

I think it's been lovely to hear you talk about media and cinematography :D I love it when people talk abt stuff they're passionate about

[dramatic gasp] a star wars girlie? I'm sorry sky... I fear we can no longer be friends [single tear runs down cheek as I turn away and dramatically leave the room]

uh.. anyway, jokes aside, I think Star Wars is pretty cool. I watched it more when I was younger. Idk why, but it doesn't appeal to me as much as other sci-fi. Just personal preference, I think. I did really like the original movies, though. (Although I must admit I don't remember them well... maybe I should re-watch).

Star Trek is the sci-fi I've been primarily consuming for the past couple years, and I am a Star Trek girlie (ignore the fact that I haven't watched the original series), but deep down in my core, I'm more of a Stargate girlie. Samantha Carter is the character who inspired me to be an astrophysicist, and the characters in that show (specifically Sg-1) feel like they raised me in some ways lmao. There's a lot to be said on the more problematic aspects of Stargate (the most noticeable being the fact that it's built upon the ancient aliens conspiracy.. yikes), but I think there's a lot to love about it despite that :3

I'm a big fan of 90s-early 2000s sci-fi (probably bc of my dad tbh) which includes, like, tng-ds9-voy era of star trek, stargate, sacntuary, and farscape to name a fwew. First sci-fi I was ever a really big fan of was Doctor Who though.

Uh, but enough about my sci-fi interests.

Those all sound like really cool shows!! I'll say it now that I am, like, notoriously bad at watching recommended shows (esp bc I'm busy w/ uni and stuff), so apologies in advance if I don't get to them. I'd love to hear you talk more about them though and what you like about the shows (whether that be storytelling, cinematography, both). If you want to, ofc.

[junosblogstuff]

- I own a few pets; family dog, two rabbits, one horse (used to own rats, but they died)

- Probably rice. I can always eat rice. Otherwise a german soup my mum likes to make; We always just call it "farmers soup" because it's made from ingredients farmers would definitely have. Simple but so good

- I am German, and speak English. Tried to learn Latin, Greek and French, which only worked so well

- I completely taught myself English during the pandemic, and went from basically no English skills to practically fluent within two years. (Other fun fact; I was 2 years old when I rode a horse for the first time!)

- There isn't much to be proud of except for surviving whatever obstacles life gave me, I suppose. So sorry if that's not enough

@leafcabbage @i-wish-i-could-live-in-space I don't know more people to tag, unfortunately!

Tag game because I want to know you better !

-Do you have a pet ?

-Comfort food ?

-How many languages do you speak ?

- Random fact about yourself

-Something you’re proud of

To begin this little tag game, I’ll tag @ebony-reine-vibes @freddie-77-ao3 @newobsessioneveryweek @thehaikuman and @miraclesnail

I hope the questions aren’t boring and love you all 😘

[airenyah]

hi!! i'm the struggling with trying to get my point across in english anon!

SO i just woke up and read your answer on gillian's blog thank you so much???? i feel SEEN you totally get what i mean, "because how do i say "anspielen" in english?" that's exactly it!!! my first language is actually spanish but that's literally how i feel when i try to write anything

there's always that one thing i really want to say but i struggle with because even though i'm writing in english and thinking in english this very specific word or this very specific feeling is in spanish for me, the very core of it, and so the whole sentence in my head doesn't make sense, there's actually not a sentence anymore. it can be really overwhelming because thoughts keep piling up but there's nowhere/no way to put them out there!

what you said about trying to describe it feels like a good idea honestly, it can be chaotic but at the same time maybe it ends up making even more sense than i originally planned

(you talking about all this with your mom is the cutest thing! actually TALKING about this, not just writing about it has to be so cool!)

you have no idea how much your words and advice helped me and just how much sense they make to me, you seem like such an articulate person, if those were your thoughts spilling out as they came to you well you are really good at this! would love to read more about them and all the interesting things you have to say about acting!

i'll try to share my thoughts for it to become a habit, baby steps, short sentences in the tags feels like a good place to start

thank you again <3

heyyyy anon!! sorry i'm replying only now, i was out with a friend all day yesterday and when i came back in the evening i had no energy for any more socializing...

aaaaanyway, glad to hear my thoughts helped!! i was a little worried no one would read my addition since it's so long, but i'm really happy to hear that this was exactly what you needed <3

(this is getting long again, so read more it is hahaha)

re: english is hard

yes, expressing oneself is really difficult, isn't it? in my experience, i've learned that sometimes i just have to accept that i simply can't say this one thing in that exact moment or at least i can't say it exactly in the way i want to...

it's really sad, depressing, and frustrating but!! as i said, sometimes you can get around it by simply explaining what you mean and giving examples. it takes much more effort that way, of course, but at least you'll get your point across!! you can make people understand this way!!

and sometimes there are words that are similar enough so you can use those instead. a little bit of what you REALLY want to say is likely to get lost this way, but again, at least you're communicating something

this is actually done in translation sometimes. when there is a word or a concept where there is no equivalent in the target language then translators might go either with the closest one there is (for example, in german there is no word that has the exact same vibe as the word "awkward". so depending on the context a tranlsator might go with the word "unangenehm" instead which actually means "uncomfortable", or the word "peinlich" which means "embarrassing"). or if that doesn't work then a translator might simply just explain the word/the concept (i know this bc i study translation at uni and my profs have talked about this hahaha)

and as i said in the other post, i promise it will get easier over time! it's just important that you actively keep trying

and yeah, i think the tags are a great place to start! you can reblog a gifset and you can start with saying specific things like "i like [insert aspect] of this scene because [insert reason]" or "this line is making me feel [insert emotion]" or "[character]'s expression in the 3rd gif looks like they're thinking [insert thought]" or "this scene reminds me of [parallel scene] because [insert reasons]"

and another thing that is important: keep your eyes and ears open! pay attention to the words/concepts that you struggle to express in english and keep a look-out for how other people would talk about this thing in english. this is why it's also important to also keep reading other people's things, because some day you might stumble across a word or a phrase that will make you go ohhhhh so THIS is how i can express this thought

as i also mentioned in the other posts, sometimes you can take a shortcut 😆 but that only works if it's a specific topic that you don't know how to talk about in a different language... then you can go look for "parallel texts": at my uni that means if i have to write an article about the topic of car-free cities for an exam but i don't know how to talk about car-free cities in italian then i'll go read articles on car-free cities in italian so i can see exactly what words and phrases they use and i make a list (yes i had an exam about this topic last month and yes i ended up with a six a4-page word list for italian hahaha), "parallel text" basically means you look for the exact text type that you want to write/say (can be an oral text as well) but in your target language so you can compare and find out what the most common words/phrases are to express specific thoughts and concepts of this topic. which is the exact thing i need to do in order to solve my problem of not being able to talk about acting in english, actually.... (someone get me off my lazy butt and make me go read about acting in english 😩)

plus if all comes to worse: your native language is spanish, right? many people speak spanish in the world, not just as native speakers but also as a 2nd language! so why not simply make the post in spanish? sure, it might reach less people but there will definitely be a few that will understand what you're saying (and you might end up making good friends and some of them might be able to help you figure out how to express certain topics in english)

re: talking about bl with my mom

yeees, it's a thing we do! sometimes i'll make my mom sit down and make her watch a drama with me and then sometimes she'll sit me down and make me watch a drama with her

it actually started in like 2018 or so? i happened to watch a japanese drama i stumbled across on netflix and i happened to watch it in the living room via our projector and my mom came home and walked past and was like "what are you watching?" and i was like "wanna join?" bc i was only about 4 eps or so in and my mom did join and was really intrigued bc the japanese had a different acting style from what she was used to in western media

and so a while later netflix recced a chinese drama to her and so she got curious and that's how my mom got into chinese drama 😆 at some point i also managed to get her into kpop (despite not listening to kpop myself -- this is a whole other long story hahaha) and so she also got into kdramas and then lockdown happened and i got super obsessed with why r u (my very first thai drama rip) and my mom was like "i want to watch this show you're obsessed with, i want to know how the thais do it in comparison to the other asian countries" and so in the end i did watch it with her and since then thai drama has been on that list too 😂

and since i had started drama school about half a year before the pandemic happened i was starting to really understand how acting works and so it's been super interesting taking apart dramas with her. my mom has an insane eye for things and i've learned incredibly much, in fact i'm STILL learning from her, it's amazing

and yes, it's fantastic being able to actually talk about it!! it's so much fun (and hilarious sometimes, because we'll be sitting on the couch, completely tearing apart a drama and my brother will walk past and he'll be all confused and go "why are you even watching it if you hate it so much????" and we'll be like "cause it's GOOD!!!!".... it happened with the eclipse, for example. there were many things that just weren't working out in the show, especially the longer it went on and so we'd thoroughly discussed these things and my brother happened to only ever walk past when we were talking about the bad things and was never around when we talked about the good things, like for example anything that first kanaphan does😆😆😆)

re: me talking about acting

okkkk yes, i understand that you would love to hear my thoughts on acting! i think a lot of people would like to hear them! but to be honest, i wasn't telling the entire truth when i said that not having the words in english was the reason why i don't talk about it

yes, not being able to properly express my thoughts is a big part of it but there are other reasons too why i avoid talking about acting publicly in fandom spaces...

1. insulting fandom faves is like opening a can of worms

i don't like conflict and i like the thoughts of arguing with strangers on the internet even less. however, while there are many positive things to say about the acting in dramas (whether it's bl or not, whether it's the main cast or not) there are also many, many negative things to say about it. and you know, sharing anything negative about someone's faves in fandom spaces..... that's not gonna go well 😅 so i'm a little scared of getting murdered if i dare saying one negative thing about some of the most popular actors. plus, i don't want to ruin other's enjoyment of the dramas and so i think especially on a platform like tumblr where people come to have fun my criticism on acting may not be the right place for it (no one likes negativity in the tags of their fave show, do they...). (yes, i have considered making a youtube channel hahaha)

2. for some concepts you need experience and a trained eye

ok the 2nd reason why else i don't talk about acting is just... it's a whole thing that you actively need to study! where you need to make your own experiences! and if you don't have experience then it can be really difficult to understand what the hell i'm going on about. which is why it's so fantastic that i have my mom, because i can just go up to her and show her a scene and say a single sentence like "this scene isn't working out because [actor] is always doing the same thing, nothing changes". or i can say "did you see all the pictures [actor] has managed to create in the span of two seconds, isn't that amazing????". or i can say "this moment was bad bc the actor is missing the thought that inspired this line". and my mom will understand, you know? (in fact, i don't even have to say that something is bad or good, i can just say things like "nothing changes here" or "look at the pictures" or "the thought is missing" and my mom will immediately understand whether it's a good or bad thing just from that 😆)

and yes, i can try to explain these concepts to a non-experienced person! but this is just really hard to do via a simple tumblr post....

i can explain when i can sit you down next to me and i can talk to you and i can pull up different scenes on my laptop and discuss them in detail, when i can show you different examples to really showcase what i mean. i could pull up good examples and bad examples of a specific concept to make you understand what it means (what "having a thought" means for example)

i actually currently have an analysis project going on with a friend where i'm showing her a sequence of scenes of a korean drama and then that very same sequence of scenes of its taiwanese remake. one has good acting and one has bad acting and so i've been making her look at both sequences and think about how they make her feel and why they make her feel like that and what she can take away from those sequences. my friend has already realized that one version is less fun to watch than the other version and exactly why that is and what the one actors are doing better than the others is what i'll be telling her next time we hang out 😆

but yes, i have an easier time giving her that crash course on acting because we can actually hang out and i can show her so many things. last time i was explaining the concept of "Dringlichkeit" (in english i would call this something like "urgency") to her and she didn't understand and so i was able to show her myself, in person, what it looks like when someone talks with low urgency and what it looks like when someone talks with a lot of urgency and how that has different effects

or when one of my acting teachers explained the concept of "sending" to us he did it by going to the far end of the room, standing in front of the wall with his back turned to us and talking to us, his face turned towards the wall. and at one point he talked to us while sending and at one point talked to us without sending and it was an eye-opening experience

but yeah, i just can't do that on a tumblr post, unfortunately

in conclusion:

so yeah, not having the right words in english, struggling with explainig the concepts to non-experienced people, and not wanting to insult anyone's fave and getting angry anons about it are the three reasons why i don't talk about acting publicly (or at least only rarely)

i have considered making a reaction youtube channel where i talk about these things together with my mom, but the big problem is just our lack of the right vocabulary (and my mom doesn't have much practice in speaking english, so she would struggle even more) and of course, copyright laws. i'd have to figure out how to deal with those first, as well...

if you're still curious about my opinions on acting, if there's anything specific you want to know you can of course come ask me about it, though!! however, i would prefer you do that off anon and come directly into my dms

i don't really mind talking about acting in general, in fact, it's one of my favorite things to do! and i certainly wouldn't mind trying, you know! but as i said, i just don't want to do it publicly. i don't want just anyone being able to see my opinions and get offended. i prefer doing it in the privacy of a private chat with selected people where i know they won't immediately get offended and can take my negative criticism about their faves

[ferencz-1]

Telefonbuch

„Bis nächste Woche!“ - sagte Dietmar. Glücklicherweise, dachte ich. Die wöchentlichen Meetings waren zu einem fadenscheinigen Zurschaustellen von Wissen über die Rosenkriege, Realpolitik und einigen Studienkamelen verkommen. Studienkamele eher weniger, der Dr. Dietmar erzählt lieber Habitulationskamelen. ER darf sogar Noten geben!

Richtige Lust, gar Ambitionen mit einem Hochtrabenden Projekt und neuester Forschung eine revolutionäre Idee zu verwirklichen, schien seit dem 2. Treffen in Vergessenheit geraten.

Nun ja, es musste ja weiter gehen. Also lief ich den selben Weg wie jede Woche nach Hause. Manchmal, wenn ich ganz verrückt drauf war, gab es einen Döner. Heute war ich nicht verrückt.

Ich ging, da sich meine Kopfhörer vor einigen Tagen (wie jeder meiner Kopfhörer) in sich selbst verhangen und schließlich selbstzerstört hatten, still daher.  Eine Gruppe von Schulkindern diskutierte über dies und das. Immer das selbe, unbedeutend aus meiner heutigen Sicht. Aber weiß Gott was mich in diesem Alter alles beschäftigt hatte.

Zwei Jungs auf Mountainbikes. „SpitzenBH“, sagte der eine. Der Andere lachte. „SpitzenBH im Angebot“, „SpitzenBH gratis!“. Sie stieben davon.

Wie gerne wäre ich nochmal so unbedarft, dachte ich. SpitzenBH. Warum finde ich das nicht mehr lustig?

Als ich in der 6.Klasse war, sind wir in irgendein Dorf in Sachsen-Anhalt gefahren. Damals wollte ich noch wagemutig einen BH für meine Freundin in irgendeinem Tante-Emma-Dessous-Laden kaufen. Im Unwissen darüber, welche Größe meine Freundin den überhaupt trug, rückblickend sicherlich A-. Antwortete ich aber schließlich mit einem sicheren: „B oder C, Jungs habt ihr ne Idee?“. Die Verkäuferin wirkte dabei entgegen meiner Erwartung eher genervt. Freute sie sich nicht zahlende Kundschaft zu bedienen?! Nun ja das ich nur 5€ hatte und der BH 20 kostete, stellte mein Weltbild was Damenunterbekleidung anging dann doch etwas auf den Kopf.

Immerhin war ich mittlerweile zu Hause. Schlüssel rein,Tasche weg, Kaffeemaschine an, Handy raus, Kippe. Wie schön ist doch die Technik. Und weiß Gott wie schön sind Kippe und Kaffee. Til sagte immer KKP- also Kaffee-Kippen-Pause, bevor wir aus der Bibliothek staben. Ein Guter, wenn auch nicht genialer Einfall, bedenkt man, dass die Wörter vorgegeben sind. Lustig dennoch.

Also SpitzenBH‘s raus. Witze über die Süchte die meinen Zerfall beschleunigen rein. Ist das was Altern bedeutet? Oder der Haarausfall? Bin mir unsicher was von beiden nun eher trifft, sicher weiß ich aber welche der Optionen mir mehr auf die Nerven geht.

Til kam aus seinem Zimmer. Es war ein schönes Ritual geworden, dass der der nach Hause kam zumeist von seinen Abenteuern bei Kippe und Kaffee berichtete. Der andere – zugegebenermaßen war es meisten ich – dann relativ schnell das Thema wechselte.

Als Til also gerade auf meine weltbewegende Frage „Hast du schon von Dem und Dem gehört?“ mit einem kurzen Vortrag seiner Sichtweise antwortete, fiel mein Blick auf den Baum vor dem Haus. Eine Linde, in meiner Vorstellung uralt. Die Vögel saßen dieses Jahr schon früh drauf, die ersten Frühblüher waren auch schon da. Im Februar?

Wenn meine Oma noch lebte, würde sie sicherlich mannigfaltige Wege finden sich hierüber aufzuregen. Mein Opa würde brummen und schließlich auf die EM dieses Jahr verweisen.  Wobei selbst er mittlerweile den Ernst der Lage hätte erahnen können. Es gab nun mal selten solche Winter. Hatte der Baum mal so einen Winter erlebt?

Es gab selten so viele Berichte von Katastrophen überall auf der Welt. Hier eine Überschwemmung, da ein Vulkanausbruch, Seuchen und schließlich die Waldbrände. Aber der Globus drehte sich eben weiter, und Kaffee und Kippe schmeckt. Während wir also über die Grünen Politiker im Bundestag, kommende Kanzler und Trump diskutierten. Ging die Erde unter, nur wir wussten es. Aber wir dachten nicht daran. Nicht um uns zu schützen vor negativen Gedanken. Nein, wir wollten nicht weiter darüber reden. Es war allumfassend, aber da die anderen sich ja schon darum kümmerten, warum sollten wir noch einen Gedanken daran verschwenden.

Til hatte seinen Vortrag beendet, wie so oft habe ich nicht zugehört. Seltsam, wir sind so verschieden. Ich liebe ihn dennoch, so stark wie einen besten Freund. Nur ohne beste Freunde zu sein. Eine WG ist etwas tolles. Also um die Kippe noch zu überleben, bevor ich mich in mein Zimmer begab. „Was hast du heute noch schönes vor?“ - es war Montag und er hatte Chor. Ich wusste das, aber nach 1 ½ Jahren Mitbewohnerschaft ist es schon mal wie in einer langen Beziehung. Man muss sich den Scheiß spannend halten. Sex hilft dabei, war hier aber keine Option.

Sind vielleicht deswegen meine Beziehungen gescheitert? Langeweile, habe ich nichts mehr zu erzählen. Lebte ich vielleicht zu wenig. Bei anderen klappt es ja auch. Wobei über so etwas solle man nicht nachdenken. Negative Energien und so weiter. Also ab in mein Zimmer, Xbox an und gucken was der Tag so bringt. Ich wusste was der Tag so bringt. Kiffen und Zocken. Trotz stupider Regelmäßigkeit sollte man sich dennoch ein paar Freuden erlauben. Das High war eine davon. Mein erster richtiger Joint war relativ spät. Mein erster Joint alleine war noch später, aber die Begeisterung hielt an. War das der Grund für meine Probleme. Keine Ahnung dachte ich mir und sorgte lieber schnell für Ablenkung. Ein Zug und der Kopf ist frei. Das ich dabei halb sabbernd auf meiner Couch lag, für Stunden, war mir bewusst, änderte aber nichts. Kiffen, Zocken und Süßigkeiten. Wenn das Leben unendlich wäre könnte ich damit meine Jahrhunderte überleben.

Das Leben endet aber, und man hat Ziele und Pläne. Und die anderen haben Ziele und haben Meinungen über deine Ziele und deine Pläne. Es ergab für mich nie wirklich Sinn, warum der eine erfolgreich, der andere gescheitert und der Dritte egal ist. Es ist doch alles egal. Wir leben und wir sterben. Was wir dazwischen machen, solle aber bitte möglichst alle befriedigen. Das hieß Studium, guter Job und Familie. Der Fortbestand unserer Art, in einer industrialisierten Welt auf sein Minimum gebrochen, erreiche viel dann bist du viel. Mein Vater sagte immer:“ Über die Größe eines Mannes werden die Geschichtsbücher entscheiden!“. Kluger Satz, dachte ich mir, aus dem Mund eines Vertreters für Telefonbuchwerbung. Nun ja sind halt auch Bücher.