#genuinely so nice to be around people on a regular basis again.....even if im a little scaredy cat all the time

[loverboybitch]

trying to be gentle and not so hard on myself...emerging from my chrysalis..the wings im growing are still very tender<3.//.

[comicparty]

i feel like i achieved alot today at work and then for work when i got home as well. i had to retype some pages and adjust them to make them easily readable and flow better in a step by step way which i think i did pretty well.

it all around probably took ~ 2 hours which if it had been anyone else but me they would’ve taken alot longer just to even type the words…. i typed and edited something up super quick within like 15-10 minutes and my boss was like well wait you didnt have to do that you can just copy and paste… and i was like yeah but its not like its hard to type lol…? i dont get how they think that’s saving any time. its literally not that big of a deal and i kept being so confused on why she kept reiterating i could just copy and paste it and im like okay but i also want to make it easier to read and to do that i have to word it in different ways sometimes. idk anytime i do something with computers theyre like well why didnt you do this nd its like because i like doing it this way im autistic and better with computers than you are calm down bro lol

they also always ask me why i make so many posters to put everywhere (which honestly is NOT alot ive made like 2-3 and do plan to make more but thats beside the point) its so people can start taking accountability when ive already told them five billion times so when its right in front of them when they do the thing they cant be like “oh i forgot” or “oh i didnt know” like i s2g!!! i try to be so nice and accommodating to newcomers esp ones who have learning disabilities like adhd and the such bc i get that but sometimes its like…. if you cant even remember the one simple thing of a poster or remember to notice it… i cant help u bro…. i do my best to make it eye catching and use simple words (but not to where its vague and people ask questions or wonder bc i have to have precise instructions as well so) but idk… i understand it will take a long time for it to stick once the routine is finally ingrained but getting there can be so grueling!! and maybe im not even frustrated at them im frustrated at how others arent so nice… i hate hearing people complain so i always feel like its my responsibility to try and help or like when they complain its always on me to get it done? and most of the time it is… but im glad kasey is back so we have someone other than me who remembers and is WILLING to do her job. so that i can properly train the new girls then…

anyways …. i am satisfied BUT I GAINED FIVE POUNDS ?! im assuming from stress and my period which…. i still need to get everything for myself settled i just keep genuinely forgetting:/

i need to take my meds on a regular basis again for good

[rainbowsky]

Final round-up of fan fic asks

I've gotten a few more interesting responses to the fan fic discussion so I'm going to round them all up here. This will be my final post on the topic until/unless there's a dramatic new development, or a particularly notable response I want to highlight. Thanks to everyone who brought their thoughts and experiences to the topic. I hope everyone at least feels heard.

The biggest piece of advice that I would like to offer is for everyone to focus on what they love rather than what they hate. If we all did that, the world would be a better place. Alongside that, I'd like to remind everyone to please support authors whose work you like. It's so important. Give them a kudos, give them a nice comment, recommend their work to others. You never know what kind of grief and harassment they are dealing with to bring you these great stories, and our support means a lot.

This is in reference to previous posts here and here.

Anonymous asked:

With regard to fandom and fan fic issue, my years of experience being part of very large fandoms has led me to believe that big accounts are v important in facilitating and enforcing the general consensus of the whole fandom. Unless there will be big accs who'll remind everyone of being respectful & just not being a dick over other's preferences, nothing will change.

This is also the reason why I think certain solo fandoms have adapted weird and twisted narratives as their general fandom story because no big acc has tried to police them & and say hey pls be rational. Whether we like it or not, in a place where how far voices, ideas, tweets, posts get heard is based on the number of followers you have, big accs will have the power and influence in creating/curating/shifting the narratives.

So, if you want to know why your/our fandom thinks like this in general, look at what big accs are tweeting/posting, look at what ideas & values they follow, look at their preferences or how strongly they react to certain situations. it's taxing and toxic for big accs given the nature of social media these days, but it's also the reality of system, the more followers/audience you have, the more influence you will have.

So to anyone reading this I hope we all practice more restraint and reflection before we post anything. Remember that words, no matter what medium you write it in, will always carry weight.

So true. It is easy - even for myself who spends a fair chunk of time answering people's asks - to forget that people can sometimes be impressionable and what we say can influence people whether that's our intent or not. I get used to thinking of myself as a regular guy just doing my own thing when sometimes my thoughts and words go well beyond where I initially posted them.

I think it's important for us to be careful what we say, and it's equally important to be careful what we take from what other people say. Especially when it comes to big claims. Always get a second, third, fourth opinion and don't be afraid to ask for clarification if something doesn't sit right or sounds confusing.

It's also important to reflect on how our words and actions might affect other people's experience of fandom, and err on the side of 'live and let live' wherever possible. It's great to have our own preferences and to champion them, but we should try to do so in a way that leaves space for other people and perspectives.

The more unique perspectives and the more friendly, open dialog there is, the healthier the community will be as a whole.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging and guiding growth in the particular areas we are interested in, as long as it doesn't step on, oppress or attack those who are peacefully enjoying something different.

Anonymous 2 asked: bjyx fans attacking gdgdbaby for including zsww/lsfy dynamics in an event named bjyx then turning right around and attacking the zsww/lsfy event organizer for excluding bjyx? god, can you hear my facepalm and sigh of resignation and incredulity from over there? im genuinely not surprised that they're trying to drive an entire part of the fandom out by disgusting them (and me) with these immature tactics. i believe what im about to say next will sound quite bait-y and i respect your decision 1/?

should you choose not to post this. but i do know that it is not only me, in fact there are many out there, that is of this opinion. we just dont talk about it on twitter to avoid the potential mess it will bring lol. okay, here goes nothing. (do note that im talking about the majority here, not every single person is like this) so bjyx fans tend to be cishet females whereas zsww/lsfy fans are more diverse in terms of age and gender, and most of them are part of the queer community too 2/?

i would like to clarify that most of these zsww/lsfy fans are not dynamic exclusive (in the sense that they are friendly and interact with all ggdd fans) they just prefer to "identify" themselves as zsww/lsfy fans (on twitter specifically) just to form a distinction from bjyx fans who mostly are dynamic exclusive (as in; they do not consume non-bjyx content, and straightup refuse to interact with non-bjyx fans, often blocking them). as a result, id say that the zsww/lsfy communiy is way more 3/?

mature and respectful (after all, they're mostly queer people talking about a queer ship) whereas many problems in this fandom, such as the homophobia, adamantly insisting on "drawing lines" between dynamics, stem from the bjyx exclusive fans, comprised of cishet females who "may not know better". so, it is of no surprise to me that they're resorting to these immature tactics of calling gg unsavory names, and organizing retaliatory events with controversial topics in an attempt to "purify". 4/4

I trust that you have arrived at that theory through your own experience and observation. I haven't personally spent much time immersed in this stuff so I can't claim to have any real insight or expertise. If you say that's your experience of it, then at the very least that's how you've seen things up to this point.

I just want to say that I think we should always be careful about making assumptions about people's age, gender/gender identity, etc.

There are plenty of good reasons to avoid doing that; because those assumptions could be very wrong, because those assumptions are often laced with ageism, sexism, etc., because those assumptions - even when correct - might not be an accurate basis for the conclusions we draw.

But the primary reason I recommend avoiding those type of assumptions is because anything that enables us to clump a group of people together in our minds like that will tend to make them easier to demonize and dehumanize. They are no longer individuals who are each responsible for their own unique perspectives, they are now 'the X group' who is known for 'A B C series of easily attackable ideas or behaviors'.

If we attribute undesirable traits and behaviors to a group of people we feel opposed to in some way, that makes us feel more righteous and justified in behaving unfairly toward them, dismissing their humanity and warring with them. It's just risky behavior to engage in, even when it's well-intentioned.

There might actually be some truth to what you're saying. It could very well be that most of these people are young, inexperienced, heteronormative, etc. but if that's the case then we should try to use those traits to better understand and empathize rather than to better dismiss and discredit.

Just my two cents on that.

It can be really frustrating dealing with what feels like other people attacking us, trying to oppress us, etc. - especially when there are more of them than there are of us. In my experience the best solutions to that sort of problem are generally the ones that focus on what we are doing and want to do rather than what they are doing that we don't want them to do.

As I am always preaching, we can't control what other people say, do or think. The only thing we have any control over is what we say, do and think (and how we respond to what they say, do and think).

I have found in my experience that the moment I step out of a conflict mindset and instead step into a problem-solving mindset, everything starts to come together. I feel better, my outlook is more positive, I can begin to see solutions and allies rather than problems and enemies, and most of all, I become more focused on what I am doing than what others are doing.

So I would recommend everyone who is invested in resolving these conflicts focus on that. "How can we best showcase and encourage the types of stories we enjoy?" instead of "How can we stop these other people from doing things we dislike?"

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello again! It’s anon #3 from the fanfic post. I really do appreciate reading your thoughts on various issues like this, so thank you for always taking time to write in depth. As for supporting without going to war, the simplest way has always been to just show appreciation for the creators, hype them up. Kudos are the easiest way on ao3 but comments in addition are great. This goes for all content—art, fics, vids..etc. Creators love to see and read how people react to their content. Sharing is also great, fic recs are very helpful, just be cautious with art and reposting though. Hope this helps a bit!

Thanks so much, Anon. I think this is excellent advice. And it's true that appreciation is great, but helping to expand the audience is also great. Recommending stories, pointing people to the pages/websites of artists we like (as opposed to reposting), sharing our own ideas and approaches, encouraging people to try new things... all of this helps build healthier communities.

And here's another one: WRITE! DRAW! CREATE!

I urge anyone with creative interests or talents to bring their voices to the community because we all can benefit from hearing from you.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I hope that over time we can all work in positive ways to improve the situation.

I think this subject has been well-covered now so I'm going to retire it for the time being. If anyone still feels they want to discuss it further please feel free to message me privately. Thanks.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's do a classic Primez ask

thank you lol Prime Time is.....6 am is when im posting this, christ lol what else is new around here........Good Morning in advance lol and [rise and shine sailors it be monday]

2: Favorite book?

i don’t have one lol

3: Favorite fictional character?

i also don’t Properly have like, all-time ultimate Faves in these kind of categories either, but there’s still standouts at least lol......obviously lately it might show that i’m enjoying winston billions a lot, and natch that’s just One of the many wrol roles i’ve been glad to discover. natch winston, jared, and jeremy are fave raves amonth them

5: What’s your favorite fictional ship? (Canon or otherwise)

this is the same as the [fave fictional characters] thing in that like, sometimes i’ll Consume something where i don’t have any, and generally i’m out here multishipping and not like live or die by one Specific Pairing, if i like a character i’ll also probably like Many of their dynamic/s with various other characters, unless the options are That limited.......tying this in to the fave fictional character thing, re: winston, naturally tayston and benston, aka the fruits of us all combining our Genius, are top tier and here’s riawin where we don’t know for sure where it’s going but we’re getting some great Dynamic(tm) stuff anyways.....and natch re: jared i Enjoy Kleinsen (as something to make up ideas about that are outside canon and also as a perspective thru which to analyze canon) and re: jeremy.....stagedorks is beautiful, wild to have canon just give you some content that’s already as good as that

7: List 3 negative traits you have 

well i can be fairly anxious about certain things, which is mostly negative for me lol.........a more negative 2-way street is that i’m just generally in defensive mode around people lol, often i’m like, just trying to avoid Attention entirely and/or like uh oh attention, gotta try to just avoid taking damage from it lol.......on a gradual journey to just being default More Unpleasant / less accommodating lmao......not that i can’t be sometimes, or that i can’t be Genuinely Friendly with randos coz i like their vibe and actually Like socializing lol.........and then re: the challenges of socializing, it seems like maybe when i’m in an interaction i get caught up in [uh oh how do i Respond a) at all b) in a way that’s Good(tm)] and it maybe makes me less attentive to the other person / a worse Listener smh

11: How do you decide when it’s time to cut someone out of your life for good?

idk luckily it’s not something i’ve had to do left and right lol.......but ime it’s Also not exactly like. usually a “ah Now Is The Time to have zero relationship with this person” and most often it’s like [gradual distancing period that is mostly passive] and/or just choosing Not to reinitiate any sort of relationship........though re: more active approaches lol it’s more like. time to try to tune into my [does this feel like something indefinitely sustainable / something you actually Want to have continue in any way] gauge or whatevs. and then still it’s like, sometimes easier if moments happen to come along that provide an [opt out?] choice presented to you kinda lol.........if it’s someone You don’t want to be involved with really but they don’t feel the same and it’s “on you” to decide to peace out at some point it’s more difficult coz such [do you want to opt out]-distilled Moments probably don’t seem to manifest but i think that’s a useful thing to be aware of in itself........i.e. that there’s not always going to be a Narrative-Friendly “point of no return” / clear Line Being Crossed and even if it Doesn’t feel like “i can’t / don’t want to deal with this for Literally one more day” that doesn’t mean you should totally stick it out / don’t have enough reason to decide that you are Done at this particular moment even if you haven’t been Done prior or think you plausibly hold off on it. don’t need to have some kind of story where you think if you Explained it to anyone or everyone it’d universally be understood and everything would applaud like “Yes, the Right Decision” lmao like. not their business....

13: What are your favorite lyrics currently?

well with our groupchat in the replies to that Eternally Crying Over The Bar Song post..........just enjoy the “stay here for a while / cuz it’s nice / cuz it’s holy” part of the refrain, a fun part of the music, and that classic iconis like, lyrics being in a sort of character Voice and yet getting the idea / feelings across effectively even when the words are sort of general or simple.......”shooting from the heart / but we’re all a lousy shot” is great lol and also “say you will always be here” ending with “for one more” is like, there’s another Broader Idea / Sentiment expressed so effectively :’|

17: If you could make a wish, what would you wish for if you knew it would come true?

i can’t do any fun answers lmao it’d just be like [political commentary] but that’s warranted lbr

19: How do you handle heartbreak? Is it something that’s easy for you to get over, or something you struggle with?

lmao i think it is like By Definition not easy for anyone to get over / Not struggle with.........can’t say i’ve had Romantic Misadventures exactly but uh yeah it feels bad to feel bad but i like......wait it out???? idk lmao you can’t really just timeskip past.....Heartbreak Sucks For Everyone Cuz That’s Kind Of The Whole Thing

23: What do you want your future to be like?

pandemic-less, fascism-less........i can’t say i’ve ever been someone like “yea i Know what i want to do and have this whole plan set out how i’m gonna do it lol” i remember when i was like 4 or 5 or whatever being asked What Do You Want To Do When You Grow Up and i was like “shit idk.......i like dinosaurs so i guess paleontologist??” and it was as much a mystery going forward.........always and still mostly playing things by ear with a few vague “if / then” type ideas......aren’t we all though ig

29: Do you think zodiac signs can influence someone’s personality to an extent?

what do i know but i Don’t like or respect the recent years trend ppl being way into it like this isn’t [being really serious about hogwarts houses] or Earnest Myer Briggs Types energy that everyone’s bringing to it......like what are you getting out of trying to be this Prescriptive based on when ppl’s parents got into it. meanwhile i’ve been on the edge of my seat since someone tweeted about “when will we get the first astrology discrimination lawsuit” re: a story about ppl wanting a housemate with a certain sign for compatibility reasons. and like again if it Is like “yes there are time-of-year Personality Types for Objective Real” like. okay, still, what is this Approach that ppl have....doing for anyone.....

31: What does ‘self care’ look like for you?

not very fancy lol i’ll be like “damn i think i haven’t eaten today” and then do it......or be like hey here i’m gonna Do A Stretch or some shit. walk around. step outside if it’s nice. both true that Self Care has inherent limitations re: like we can’t just cancel out all the detriments to our wellbeing via Personal Choices and yet also we can’t Not look out for ourselves how we can......i’ll watch something that i Enjoy. or just knock out if it’s like “christ i need a mood reset” or i’m trying to timeskip through a headache. pet a cat. i like to try to be Appreciative of everyday ordinary shit......also messing around Making Stuff whether drawings or otherwise can be a good helpful use of time, i like talking to people who i like talking to, and other stunning stuff like that lol

37: Have you ever been surprised by someone staying in your life?

not really lol coz again with how i’m pretty slow to realize that someone is like, nonzero actively interested in interacting with me on a regular basis, and then once someone’s In My Life there’s no particular point where i go “whoa....You’re still here??”......ig sometimes there’s like, Friendly Acquaintances where it’d be Unsurprising if they just sort of dropped fully out of the orbit but they do not

41: How do you show you care?

hmm i sure like to do ppl favors / give them gifts / help them out w/ whatever, hang out / generally be Around them where like, doing [parallel tasks] works i.e. maybe we’re doing different things but in the same room.....just like to Talk and all and listen to ppl and Learn Things About Them, try to pick up stuff re: ways that ppl express like “hey to me it conveys Being Cared About when ppl do ___”........food/cooking is a love language......that thing where shit you’d be way too anxious to do on your own For Yourself is like, oh i’m absolutely gonna do it on behalf of someone i care about.......all this stuff is more like, Possible in person lmao rip. i Care you guys

43: Which of the seven deadly sins do you feel represents you the most?

who is your hellsona and what is their origin story (how they got condemned to hell).........if i’m irritable / argumentative am i wrathful? you could presumably someone saying yep it is inherently the one deadly sin of lust if you’re queer.......at any given time i’m passed out and dreaming about “fuck capitalism and the protestant work ethic” and that’s sloth i guess. and okay i went “who named an animal after a The Deadly Sin as if it’s like ‘wow fuck this animal for choosing not to zoom around as though they could and i apparently think that they should’ tf” and in looking it up i immediately learned the Sloth Fact that apparently their shits are insane and also the most dangerous thing they do?? like they poop only maybe once a week and All At Once so that a single dump might knock off a third of their total weight........and it’s pretty much the only time they leave the upper branches of trees, in that they crawl down to hold on to the trunk and take this monster shit and naturally they’re not great on the ground so Pooping is like the leading cause of death for sloths in the wild. and i think they ought to be named after that. 

47: What are you passionate about?

oh man [i am passionate a lot.mp3] lol.........always having a variety of Interestes which i like to talk about / potentially make things about.......decent amount of subjects i like to learn things about even if  i’m bad at like, actually learning things generally lmao, what’s Not losing focus on shit.......idk it’s not that hard for me to like go off about Whatever, got these jack of all trades interests / areas of Some knowledge, i’m opinionated and probably have something (extensive) to say about anything as just part of my charm lol, and just in general i can get Enthused / worked up about things..........also passionate about various [niche gay shit] things eternally. whoms among us isn’t

[teddy-feathers]

okay kids 1st off dont do this and I'll go into that a little in a sec but

second off sending a message is a way to invite discussion which is oddly not possible if your blog is set not to receive messages go figure so i blocked this too

third of all of the fun things rolling around in my head is why do you even care Im not a content creator and im not even social with the people i really know well enough to be so with here or on other platforms or even irl and other than the fact i just blocked you, i dont know who you are? like youre not one of the people id call acquaintances or friends, so again, i repeat, why do you care?

okay lets get to it

been a while since i had a rant

People block others for a myriad of reasons, we're all responsible for curating our experiences to enjoy and not stress out over social media

However , usually I dont go to the trouble of blocking people - I follow a shit ton and if I dont like something I see I can just unfollow and that fixes the problem

you though, made a negitive dissmissive unnecessary comment on a post that makes me uncomfortable and follow me, so chances are I'll see that attitude again only in my notifications when im scrolling through my feed to see if anyones interacted with me

now i could go into my hang ups about "holier than thou im so smart this is obviously fake" or how im so stressed and sleep deprived on a regular basis that I'm terribly afraid the next mental break down i have will be scary real undeniable and serious and ive felt that way for two months now so im not chancing my hang ups being the straw that drives me to something regrettable

but more importantly im here to be entertained and a heckler usually just brings down the mood and I didnt want it around me and why be dramatic and why share personal info online to someone i made a snap judgement not to like that was more or less instantly justified when i can just manage my feed like a responsible individual and do what i try to encourage in others - take care of myself

like seriously dude im not important and idk why the hell you noticed and didn't think i just suddenly stopped posting which since im at work happens but dude you dont go around asking people why they blocked you unless yall like. talk or something i suppose.

really id recommend going "well good riddance" if you want to be aggressive about it and "aw well theyre doing what's best for them" if you want to be kind about it

like god i want to be nice about this but i also want to be an asshole and say like like dude youre what five? years younger than me and let me tell you this really doesn't fucking matter enough for you to pull this passive agressive shit even if that wasnt your intention and youre genuinely upset - because like you obviously have decided what youve done "wrong" and think its laughable that anyone would be sensitive enough to be bothered by it

and its not even necessarily that youre in the wrong? i just didnt like it, dont like dont read - and i didn't want to read future comments like it. thats a me thing and you made it like your problem and then made your problem my problem while i just did what i could to quietly take care of myself

like seriously dude there are a number of ways to handle a situation and im definitely not handling this one well but seriously? the fuck?

[saltandlimes]

so i have a really weird question. is lust a thing? like, is it something that people actually experience on a regular basis??? because im thinking i might be gray ace or demi or something like it and not have realized it. im not trying to steal a label or anything. just genuinely trying to figure out if i experince sexuality different than many people.

*giant hug* first of all, I don’t think there’s such a thing as “stealing a label.” There’s ways of misapplying one, of course, but as long as one understands a label and fits how it’s used, one is at perfect liberty to apply it to oneself.

Anyway! Now on to your real question. This is hard for me to answer from personal experience. I tend to feel sexual attraction when and only when I feel emotional attraction to someone. (Note I don’t say arousal here. Arousal can happen even when you don’t really feel attraction.)

Anyway, that’s how I personally experience attraction. However, as far as I understand from being a field that is intimately concerned with how people express desire, yes. Many people do experience strong sexual attraction without knowing someone well. I’d hazard a guess that the majority of people experience regular or semi-regular sexual attraction to people around them.

But again, I’m not speaking out of personal experience here. I tend to get really, really into someone’s personality before I want to actually be intimate with them. On the other hand, once I’m interested in them, I definitely experience what might be called lust.

Long story short, yes, I would say so. Many people do experience sexual desire at least semi-frequently. Like anything in human life, there’s a range, and some people experience lust extremely frequently or strongly, and some people don’t experience it at all. All options are possible, and as long as they don’t interfere with your happiness, all options are good. If you’re interested in reading a little more about the low-to-no sexual attraction end of the scale, AVEN has a nice guide here (x).

[It’s Sleepover Saturday]

[thrivingnotsurvivingwithgina]

I’ll Start Living When

I’ll Start Living When….

How many times do you say to yourself, “I’ll do what I really want when… I’ve finished the project… when I’ve got that next promotion… When I make Director… When I have become a multi-millionaire.”

How often have you missed a date with your significant other, or an important milestone in your child’s lives or thought I’ll make time to find my soul mate and true love once I am successful (on my terms) It is a very common pattern for many. Whilst it does have a positive impact on achieving your professional goals make no mistake such choices have a significant impact on your quality of life and your future emotional, spiritual and physical health over the long term.

One of the things many have found during the lockdown is that they have had the opportunity to review what is really important in life. However, it is all too easy to revert to old ways of thinking, acting and speaking. It would be a great shame if those who had recognised what was really important to them then lost sight of that newfound awareness as soon as life got busier.

In reality, we only have THIS MOMENT. The past has gone - nothing you do will bring it back. We cannot guarantee the future - I learned that lesson at 2pm on February 19th 1983 when I fell down a mountain whilst skiing. - Many have learned this lesson through their experience with Covid. The only thing we can all be sure of is this moment. Learning to live in the moment is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

There are three dimensions of time; the past, the present and the future. To live a healthy and productive life we need to balance living with all three. Let me explain what I mean.

The past has much to teach us. Indeed life often throws us the same experience - dressed up in a variety of guises until we learn the lessons. Let me give you an example. Why is it that so many people have one disastrous relationship after another? They choose the same type of people, behave in the same way and get the same results over and over again.

Once we learn the lessons the past offers us, the ingrained beliefs can be transformed and as a result the choices we make and patterns of our behaviour change. The past offers us all the opportunity to understand how what we believe drives how we behave. Learning how to behave differently is not as hard as you might think. Being open to the possibility is often all it takes to start the process. Understanding that everything we do or fail to do is actually a matter of choice moves the process on enormously.

If you stay stuck in the past, always looking back; either wishing that the present was good as the past has been or constantly regretting what has been and wishing things had been different and the best that the present has to offer remains unnoticed.

If your attention is always on the future, chasing the next goal, constantly striving for something just out of reach you miss the precious gift of the here and now. There is a danger that by the time you wake up to what is going on you will have missed out on so many potentially wonderful experiences. It that at that point that you are liable to find yourself retiring from work. I know so many people who focus so significantly on their work that they often have no personal interests, no one special to share their time with and no sense of who they are when they are not being the professional version of them.  One of those people used to be me!

Getting the balance right is important, if you never give a thought to the future – to setting any goals or planning for future needs and how to protect them you are likely to fall short of fulfilling your potential growth and find yourself in difficulty, financially if nothing else.

There are many people who focus almost exclusively on the future and their goals both short and long term. They constantly defer living in the here and now as they are busy chasing the dream, which they believe will bring them happiness. Whilst they are busy chasing their dream they leave their significant others to manage as best they can. They are convinced that they are working hard to provide a good future for themselves and their loved ones. They often calculate the cost of a lost 'present' very differently to their partners and families.

In the ongoing struggle to achieve even more success, there is no time just to be… to stop and stare or to smell the roses. There are many people who have little idea how to relax and enjoy the moment. The concept is alien to them and they find it most uncomfortable. They see no reason why anyone would want to do it.

Here are my top ten tips to learning to live in the moment, they are designed to fit in with a busy schedule and are just a starting point, they may appear inconsequential but I know from personal experience and from the experience of the many clients who have also used them that when done regularly they start to have a profound and positive effect.

1)   As you wake up each morning spend a couple of minutes breathing deeply. Breathe in deeply to the count of 2, hold it for 4 and breathe out to 4. As you breathe be conscious of exactly how each part of your body is feeling.

2)   Tell yourself ( with real wellie! that you choose to be happy today and that you will find time to enjoy this day to the full. (Once past it is gone forever.) A state of happiness is actually your choice. To find out in more detail how see 'The Happiness Challenge' (link below)

3)   As you take your shower or bath in the morning be conscious of how the water feels on your skin. Feel the temperature of the water and the sensation of the soap or shower gel on your skin. Contrast that with the roughness of the towel or the softness of your robe. Really focus on your senses and engage in the experience.

4)   During the day stop and take a small amount of time to consciously notice your surroundings. Use each of your senses in turn, what can you smell or hear, look for the colour or texture of things around you. Be aware of how you are feeling. Even five minutes out of your busy day done on a regular basis will make a difference.

5)   Smile, and make a conscious decision to make someone you pass in the road, corridor or lift - smile back. Be aware of how it makes you feel. If you are wearing a mask - smile with your eyes and set the intention in your mind that you are sending the other person a smile. It may sound crazy but intentions make a significant difference.

6)   Create five small random acts of kindness during your day. They could be a simple as letting a fellow driver out of a side turning, making a cup of tea, phoning someone who is still isolating or opening the door for someone at the supermarket. Notice how it makes you feel.

7)   Do something, which makes you smile or laugh each day. Be conscious of how you feel when you laugh.

8)   Take the opportunity to observe an aspect of nature you look through the window, go for a walk, drive to the supermarket or travel to or from work. Look at the sky – see the cloud formation or look at how the trees are moving with the wind, look at the individual petals of a flower, or watch the raindrops making a pattern on the train window.

9)   Set time aside within your busy timetable for you. Actively plan your time over a week or fortnightly cycle, some clients find it helpful to book a space in their diary - 'Meeting With Self'. Set aside time each week to enjoy some time simply 'being' - time to walk with no other intention than to enjoy it, or time to spend with your significant other.

10) Collect gratitudes during the day. Notice things to feel grateful for as you go through your normal day - make it easy. A hot shower, a nice cuppa, a comfortable chair, a call from a friend, the beauty of nature are some examples. The important thing is that you take time to notice and give thanks. Just before you go to sleep think of five things that you have been grateful for during the day. They can be as small or as significant as you choose.

May be it is time to start living now rather than waiting for your real “life” to begin once you have achieved whatever goals you have set yourself, the ideal weight, the perfect relationship, professional success or great wealth. The danger is that by the time you are ready to “live” you may be on your own or your health will have suffered in the mean time.

Here is a personal invitation to join me for a -'BECOME THE LEADER OF YOUR OWN LIFE' - VIP Day Intensive/s where you will learn how to let go of old limitations and step into the limitless possibilities which await.

For more details and to book go to:

https://ginagardinerassociates.co.uk/page_48.php?pgenme=leadership-for-life&nav_group=all

Further Resources:

'leadership For Life' Radio and TV Shows on W4CY live every Thursday at 6pm UK time 1pm Eastern

https://w4cy.com/shows/leadership-for-life/

Youtube Leadership For Life Playlist

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLR8ab6DHaK7nWQc2cG8WzJxnkD9_LUhqq

Books:

Thriving Not Surviving - The 5 Secret Pathways To Happiness Success And Fulfilment

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B074BPBLD3/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

The Happiness Challenge

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B08BC1H4YS/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i3

Genuinely New -

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Genuinely-New-Discovering-Leadership-Identity/dp/B08J578F2P/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Genuinely+New+by+Gina+Gardiner&qid=1614862410&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Articles:

Being Single And Happy

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/being-single-happy-gina-gardiner

If I'm Not My Job Who Am I?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/im-my-job-who-am-i-gina-gardiner

#happiness #confidence #success

[pinksausageduo]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K+

IM SCREAMING WTF YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING genuinely can’t believe i have more than 1000 of you actually liking my blog to the point of following me??!!! I have really bad updates LIKE REALLY BAD like for 2 and half months i’ve been on tumblr i’ve probably only been posting for 1 month and a bit. AND THE FACT YOU STILL ALL LIKE MY WRITINGS AND FOLLOW ME IS CRAZY!! i seriously mean it when i absolutely adore each and everyone of you following my blog like i love you guys so so much. and please don’t be afraid to ever talk to me whether it’s on anon or message whether it’s about how annoying your life is, ranting, my writing, advice, questions, literally anything. i just love you guys sooooo much like wow i never even expected more than 100 followers like i’m mind blown.

so since it is a milestone and usually most blogs do something, i did prepare a present for my followers and another one for my mutuals because i love you all.

FOR MY FOLLOWERS: A NEW SERIES!!!!!

i know i have still my enemies to lovers series that i need to complete and i will do that but there will be a new series and YOU GUYS GET TO CHOOSE which one I write first either;

Heirs 

located in an expensive private school, wanna one is known as the Heirs. they’re all extremely rich, good looking, talented and basically the kings of the school. each guy will have a girl that catches their eye, those girls will be you! from the quick witted and sassy scholarship student to the extremely rich ice princess who no one wants to even approach to the shy sweet nobody, one member will fall for you. choose to find out!

so will you choose the heirs??

Bodyguards

wanna one is a team of bodyguards assigned to people who need protection. over the years each and every one of them finds themselves falling for someone on the job. but falling in love isn’t part of the job or is it? they’ll fall for you! from the president’s daughter to another intelligence agency’s spy to even a princess, one member will fall for you. choose to find out!

so will you choose the bodyguards??

HOW TO CHOOSE

message me by kkt or tumblr

comment below

reblog with which one

choose in poll : https://goo.gl/forms/G4GrlZEfOPL30jnP2

CHOOSING WILL CLOSE IN AROUND 2 WEEKS ON 11/11/17 

please vote!!! i’ll love you all forever if you do!!!! 

FOR MY MUTUALS/PEOPLE I ADMIRE & FOLLOW: FOLLOW FOREVER/RECS/DESCRIPTION

WANT TO GIVE OUT A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO MY MUTUALS AS WELL AND IT’LL BE KINDA A FOLLOW FOREVER/RECS (it’ll be long asf (like REALLY long) so i’ll put it under keep reading) this will be in all three person sorry :( 

EVERYONG: i love y'all sm we all so so crazy and we occasionally talk about writing but eh it’s really just a mess but making our gc was one of the best decisions i made on tumblr AND IM SO SORRY if i don’t have you down below but i’m giving you all my love and appreciation rn here!!! BUT JUST LOVE YOU ALL!!

FIRST OF ALL SHOUTOUT TO DIAMOND @woojiniee FOR ENCOURAGING ME TO START THIS BLOG I WOULDN’T BE HERE WITHOUT YOU. lol it’s weird how my blog started from helping you w your english homework on harry potter lmao. i genuinely love you so so much and i admire you, your works and your blog and just thank you for everything!

ALSO A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO JAS @perkwoojin!!!! MY ABSOLUTE LOVE AND MY BEST FRIEND!! jas you’ve been here for me whether it’s irl problems or tumblr problems and you’ve never judged me for anything i’ve done. you are so so so special to me and i just love you soooo much i genuinely can’t imagine not meeting you on tumblr. we hit it off right from the start and we’ve only gotten closer. while the time difference may be annoying we still talk often and just thank you so much for always being there for me, love you loads!!!

MY SENPAIS (the people who inspired me to write and start this blog, i would literally check your blog for updates everyday before starting this blog) :

@imagineproduce101 genuinely think carina is the queen of writing in the pd101/wanna one fandom, she’s blessed us with so many fics on such a regular basis i’ve never talked to you personally and you probs have no idea who i am but just want to say thank you so much for inspiring me to write, your fics always made me feel so soft and fluffy i wanted to make other people feel that way so thank you!!! 

fic recs: rivals (pleaseee do pt 2), what are you waiting for, let me love you, banana milk love, red bull, new beginnings, all of mafia aus, all of hp aus, all of vampire aus 

@woojiniee i’ve already mentioned diamond^ but gonna mention her again cause she is one of my senpais LITERALLY SOOOO GOOD WRITING LIKE WTH PLEASE LET ME LIVE she’s less busy now so IM WAITING FOR UPDATES GIRLL but seriously check out all of her fics will not be disappointed

fic recs: alpaca boy saves the day, crushing on you, jaehwan soulmate au, dating a park at a park

@wanna-request-one​ such great paragraph writings mine will never live up to theirs writing is so amazing just so great if you want detailed long writing the best blog to go to all of them are AMAZING WRITERS congrats on 1.8K!!

fic recs: seongwoo soulmate, seongwoo brother’s best friend, jaehwan college, I HATE YOU IM YOUNGMIN (literally so in love w this fic)

@wanna-one-scenarios amazing writer!!! so so so niceeee she’s starting college rn so v busy i miss youuu we never get to chat but its okayyy BUT LIKE SHIT WRITING IS SOOOO ON POINT LIKE WTH just go through her whole master list won’t regret it

fic recs: DANIEL PRINCE AU!!! (like if y’all haven’t read this missing out on sm), jongyun father au, sewoon enemies to lovers au

@wannaonestars love reading her writing such great bullet points and really good ideas ALSO SO JEALOUS that like short bullet points BUT CAN MAKE ME FEEL SO FLUFF like that is a skill ppl 

fic recs: all of boyfriend series (like so fluff) ESPECIALLY SEONGWOO’S, jihoon soulmate, minhyun office au

@jsioos (was heochannies) MEIKE IS SO PRETTY AND NICE AND AN AMAZING WRITER LIKE WHAT HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLESSED has such a diverse range of works from scenarios to mtls to reactions so genuinely impressed with her blog like goals

fic recs: all of boyfriend series FOR EVERY SINGLE GROUP like she’s amazing at those, and movie night with seongwoo

@ukulelewrites ALSO LONG ASS FICS AMAZING BLOG seriously such amazing writing love so many fics of hers DESERVES MORE ATTENTION AND FOLLOWERS and super sweet as well 

fic recs: cherry picker’s club, a fanta-sea, homerun and ephiany (it’s nct ten BUT SUCH AN AMAZING FIC NEED TO PUT IT ON HERE)

@kanggdaniell STEPH IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO NICE AND RLY BUSY AS WELL but amazing writer just love her writing so much she isn’t as active as before but still should definitely check out master list cause so many amazing scenarios

fic recs: TSUNDERE (FUCK FUCK READ IT RN BEST SERIES FOR ME ON TUMBLR WOOJIN STANS COLLECT YOUR BOI), always in my heart, all of breakup scenarios, all of bad boy scenarios

ANOTHER SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO IRIS AKA @alliwannado-w1 LITERALLY RELATES W ALL MY WRITING PROBLEMS ON A PERSONAL LEVEL IS THE ABSOLUTE SWEETEST CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HER WORKS, BLOG AND FOLLOWERS I LOVE HER WRITING AND ADMIRE HOW DEDICATED SHE IS TO POST SO REGULARLY just i rly should stop writing in caps but like just genuinely she is the princess of writing in the pd101/wanna one fandom and she’s just so so amazing and all her writings are always so much fun to read like i love her so much but like no offence iris but you’re fucking crazy in the best way possible like to have so many wips like GIRL YOU NEED A BREAK 

fic recs: FUCKBOY SERIES (iris got all her fame from here lol jk), daniel werewolf au, jihoon soulmate au, jihoon vampire au, woojin youtuber au, woojin policeman au, jinyoung barista au, sewoon soulmate au, youngmin youtuber au gonna stop there cause i’ll be listing her whole master list soon ;)

AMAZING WRITERS (just to give heads up have liked these recommended fics on another private account so if you like look at the likes and i’m not there that’s the reason):

@daehwifi​​ GENUINELY LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH AND THEY’RE BOTH RIDICULOUSLY TALENTED and hella sweet like cutest married couple ik TIFFY thank youuu for always making me smile and MAE for being the sweetest angel but YOUR WRITING IS ALSO HELLA GOOD like great bullet point fics and regular updates 

fic recs: bandaid guanlin scenario, movies ongniel scenario, skype calls jinyoung scenario 

@deepdickdaniel​​ ARIANE EVERYONG GC MOTHER (aurora’s dad now) and the ultimate HOE for daniel but got guys chasing after her constantly SMH and all our gc is beautiful because of your genes ANYWAYS you’re also a good ass writer and if anyone wants bomb ass daniel fics FOLLOW ARIANES BLOG YALL

fic recs: doormat, all her soulmate aus especially taste, hiking w daniel

@dong-hyucks​ oKAY so jade has only like one fic on wanna one BUT SHE’S SUPER TALENTED AND SHE DOES SO MANY GROUPS like mutlifandom ASF AND I LOVE HER ALOT 

fic recs: daniel soulmate au, na jaemin spy au, i’m with you taeyong

@donghyxns​​​ IF YALL WANT MXM SCENARIOS/CONTENT THIS SHIT IS RIGHT HERE also has a lot of wanna one scenarios but maddie is the biggest donghyun fan ik and super sweet even though we haven’t talked much!

fic recs: royalty au donghyun, actually all the royalty aus,  TIC TOK WOOJIN SOULMATE AU, youngmin as your boyfriend

@ennergetics​​ RAE my favourite drunk aunt ever like super funny and nice and talking about bts is always great with you RAE YOU ALSO LIKE AN AMAZING WRITER and make me feel all sorts of stuff when i read your works

edit: fuck me im so sorry rae lmao idk if it was the fact i wrote this at 3am or I'm terrible speller originally or it was auto correct IDEK BUT ILYSM DONT HATE MEEEEE

fic recs: bad first dates, prince aus, woojin college/barista au

@fromwannaone​​ ANNIE A COMPLETE UTTER SWEETHEART WITH WRITING SKILLS which put me to shame and fic ideas are always sooo good too just fuck meeeee i love youuu and your writing 

fic recs: ALL HER SCHOOL SERIES which is like all members basically sooo, on rainy days, sweet like candy

@hiyawoojin​​ RISSAAAA MY BABY MY PRECIOUSSSS I WANT TO PROTECT YOU AND HUG YOU AND LOVE YOU FOREVER but genuinely rissa is the sweetest person ik on tumblr and her sweetness is as equal to her writing BUT SINCE SHE’S A NEWBIE EVERYONE GIVE HER LOVE

fic recs: ALL OF THEM since there’s about 4 but i like the woojin and the minhyun in particular hehehe

@hwinkinghwi​​ XUAN WE BONDED INSTANTLY YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH and we talk about the weirdest things but it’s still heaps of fun and xuan has short sweet bullet point fics which will warm your heart

fic series: both baejin fics: chicken first cuddles later, florist jinyoung, baker woojin, ___ as your boyfriend (all of them)

@jeonjeonggukks​​ I LOVE ALEX SM SERIOUSLY SO SO SO FUNNY LIKE WTH and sooooo easy to slander BUT SHE IS MY MOTHER (well one of them) AND I LOVE HER SO SO MUCH AND SHE’S ALSO AN AMAZING ASS WRITER so y’all should read her writings

fic recs: shipped jonghyun scenario, our necklaces sungwoon soulmate au, why her why him woojin

@jihoonslattee​​ AHHH WE JUST STARTED TALKING CHI BUT I ALREADY LOVE YOU AND JUST WOW YOUR WRITING IS INCREDIBLE WISH I COULD BE YOU AND HAS SOOOO MANY FICS DONE LIKE IM SO IMPRESSED wow i did that in all caps but like JIHOON STANS WHO WANT JIHOON FICS like chi’s blog like 100% recommend also does reactions SO CHECK HER OUT 

fic recs: jihoon prince au (this was sooo good), daniel CEO both parts, seongwoo boyfriend au, jihoon soulmate au

@mongniel​​ AURORA OUR SALTY ASS MOTHER/FATHER who leaves us regularly and is a daniel seongwoo stan (she says so at least) BUT LIKE GOTTA APPRECIATE HER ABILITY TO MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH SHIT WITH HER ANGST also if y'all love angst daniel fics AURORA’S BLOG IS THE ONE FOR YOU

fic recs: BROKEN RECORD (heart BREAKING), no chance no way, in his dreams, no answer

@peachiejihoonie​​ SAYS IN DESCRIPTION SHE’S BAD AT WRITING BUT THAT’S RIDICULOUS her writing is sooooo good like not too many fics up BUT ALL OF THEM ARE AMAZING like what??

fic recs: demigod series, daniel fuckboy 

@perkwoojin​​ IVE ALREADY MENTIONED JAS CAUSE SHES MY ONE ETERNAL LOVE but genuinely wtf so talented I AM SHOOK she does EVERYTHING like gifs, reactions, scenarios AND SHE HAS TWO OTHER BLOGS for the boyz and stray kids fans CHECK THOSE BLOGS OUT TOO

fic recs: basically everything but in particular wanna one as prom dates, wanna one reacting to you how to solve a rubix cube, and all her series which include: boyfriend, fallen angel, AND check out woojin badboy pt 1 & 2 and now ive literally listed her whole master list whoopss

@playfuldisaster​​ CHRISTINE IS SUCH A SWEETHEART LIKE WOW genuinely like an angel AND I LOVE TALKING TO HER but she also has so many works up! WHICH NEED MORE ATTENTION cause they’re so good

fic recs: and i’m here seongwoo, attention baejin, my boy lollipop baejin, sorry kang daniel

@producedwannaone​​ SO UNDERRATED LIKE WHAT HOW EVERYONE WAKE UP also honey I NEED A MASTERLIST like need to stalk your blog easily yooo but seriously such a great writer and a sweetheart x 

fic recs: wanna one seeing their donsaeng in their t shirt, naps with guanlin

@starrywinters​​ SHEENA YOU HAVE SHARED MY PAIN OF HAVING SEONGWOO AS A BIAS WRECKER but like other than that you mean so so much to me you are positively brilliant in every single way AND DON’T TELL YOURSELF OTHERWISE seriously AND IT INCLUDES YOUR WRITING SKILLS 

fic recs: cute bandaids, minhyun college au, 7 minutes in heaven jihoon, hugs woojin, guanlin soulmate/vampire au

@wannabeone​​ just dammnnnn girl your writing is SO GOOD LIKE WHAT?? always makes me feel all nice inside just love reading your works fic recs: all of best friend lovers (like you will not be disappointed), kissing cuddling hugging wanna one

@wannamoon​​ JUJU IK YOU’RE ON HIATUS AND YOU HAVEN’T REPLIED TO MY MESSAGES CRI but i miss your baejin fangirl squealing and your posts which will be filled with sadness cause it’s you lmao BUT COME BACK SOON I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU but juju has such a good mix of fluff and angst fics and super unique and heart warming ideas

fic recs: crumble both parts guanlin, ALL HER LIFE AUS LIKE FUCK SUCH GOOD FLUFF, halcyon seongwoo, jihoon soulmate au

@wannaonescenarios​ SERIOUSLY SUCH GREAT SHORT FLUFF WRITINGS LIKE WHAT HOW I WISH and has a long ass masterlist WHICH IS AMAZING TO GO THROUGH just like go right now to her blog amazing writings IS AVAILABLE

fic recs: SOULMATE AU SERIES, dating series, college series (even tho it’s only youngmin), daniel cat cafe owner 

@wannasoftimagine​​ OMG SUCH AMAZING FICS BUT DOES ANYONE KNOW PHI WENT?? like she hasn’t updated in 2 weeks? or replied to messages? like does anyone know?? but if she’s on an hiatus without mentioning well idrk but phi’s works make me feel so so soft like super duper fluffy and always read them for a cheer up 

fic recs: ALL SOULMATE SERIES, classmate woojin, boyfriend woojin, and all of wanna one _____

@wannasseu​​ CYN CYN OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PEOPLE CYN IS THE QUEEN OF ANGST if anyone says otherwise FITE ME drown in my tears whenever i read one of her angsts WHICH IS LIKE ALL THE TIME ugh cyn what are you doing to me BUT CONTRARY TO THE ANGSTY FICS SHE WRITES cyn is such a FLUFFY person 

fic recs: ALL HER EX BOYFRIEND SERIES especially seongwoo’s (i ranted to cyn for a straight hour about that fic lol), custard kisses, arranged marriage 

@wannatales​​ GREAT SHORT FLUFFS THAT YALL WANNA READ RECOMMENDING FOR STANS OF MAKNAE LINE since writings are only maknae line works always makes me feel all fluffy and gooey insideeee

fic recs: JACKET GUANLIN (fuck such a cute scenarios can’t deal), fool woojin, milk jihoon

@wannawrite​​ SO MANY FICS FOR SO MANY FANDOMS but like the wanna one master list IS HELLA LONG haven’t ever talked to admin N BUT I LOVE YOUUUUU LAETITA DATITA RISEEEE (is that how to spell it i can’t even remember) BUT ANYWAYS soooooo good fics like always love reading them just genuinely great writings 100% of the time

fic recs: FLOWER BOY SERIES LIKE YESSS, vamp series, i latte you very much minhyun, bffs to bf daniel, colourless soulmate au woojin, this isn’t part of the plot guanlin

@wanna-17​​ CATH OMG MY OLDER FUTURE TWIN IDEK i love you so so much and chatting you is always fun BUT you have so many mtls like wow I'm mind blown BUT YOUR FICS ARE ALSO SUPER GOOD 

fic recs: wanna one first meeting series, and any of the mtls you want to know about

@whatabrightplace​​ AHHH TINA PLEASE PLEASE WRITE FOR WANNA ONE YOUR WRITING IS ALREADY AMAZING AND DON’T BE SCARED JUST TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH wow I'm being rly dramatic but idc i want to see you produce wanna one writing content (did you see what i did there ;) ) ANYWAYS i also wanted to tell you i love youuuu

fic recs: HER RECENT DANIEL SCENARIO FUCK stars + you for our precious mother ariane and basically everything on her masterlist even tho it isn’t wanna one or pd101

@101scenes​​ JUST CUTE ASF SCENARIOS (at least the ones i’ve read) got me squealing and SOFT like such great writing 

fic recs: LATTE ART daniel scenario, guanlin soulmate au, ceo jihoon

TEXT BLOGS (not gonna do fic recommendations cause they’re texts and it’s harder to choose specific ones):

@laignlin​​ LILY I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU MORE LIKE TIME DIFFERENCE AND SCHOOL SUCKS but our chats are always the best and it’s always hella nice talking to you BUT YOU’RE ALSO A GREAT WRITER AND AMAZING TEXT MAKER so i ended up putting you in text author lol also IM STILL YOUR PROM DATE but everyone just read through all of lily’s texts and scenarios cause they’re all on point asf

@pwjins​ I GENUINELY ADORE ALLISON BUT SHE HATES ME AND WE HAVE THIS BITCH FEUD THING GOING ON BUT WHATEVER I LOVE HER ALOT AND IK YOU GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME AND NEED A BREAK BUT LIKE I’M HERE FOR YOU TUMBLR HERE’S FOR YOU but i love allison’s texts they always make me smile and laugh and like my heart literally warms SHE ALSO WRITES occasionally so check those out and i don’t have any in particular but like the gc texts are always good and the CHANGING THE NAME LIKE LMAO that’s also amazing just check it all out BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ALLISON 

@texts101 YOUR TEXTS ARE SOOOO GOOD JUST THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR MAKING THEM like they never disappoint I LOVE the best friend, boyfriend, gc and name switch texts the most BUT LITERALLY ALL OF YOUR TEXTS ARE AMAZING and ik you taking a hiatus now SO PLEASE TAKE A GOOD REST AND FOCUS ON SCHOOL and don’t stress at all cause all your followers will still be here and ready for your return

@w1talks ANGELA IK YOU DO SCENARIOS AND TEXTS but the scenario list was getting WAYYY TOO LONG to put you there anyways I LOVE YOUR TEXTS AND YOUR SCENARIOS your writing is amazing but your texts are also great LIKE MULTI TALENTED MUCH and I ABSOLUTELY ADORED wanna one finding you went on a date with jinyoung BUT I ALSO ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOUUU

INCORRECT QUOTES BLOGS (not gonna do fic recommendations cause they’re quotes and there are hundreds):

@incorrect-produce101-quotes​ SUPER DUPER FUNNY and like totally could imagine your quotes being said by the guys and love how there’s a lot of the pd101 guys as welll 

@incorrect-wanna-one-quotes​ you were one of the first blogs i followed and your quotes NEVER fail to make me at least smile like i have properly cracked up laughing on multiple occasions because of your quotes and i just feel like my day becomes a little brighter when i see you on my dash

TALENTED ASF GIF MAKERS:

@daewi​ just really nice and cute gifs which are soooo aesthetically pleasing together also all your reblogs are just great AND I ADORE YOUR HS YEARBOOK AWARD THEMES 

@defsouldanik​ LITERALLY IM IN SUCH AWE OF YOU LIKE THE GIFS YOU MAKE IS ALWAYS LIKE THE MOMENTS I WANT GIFFED?? and like all your got7 content makes me happy as well and just THE QUALITY IS SOOO GOOD AS WELL

@kimsjaehwan​ ONE OF MY ULT FAV GIF MAKERS always gifs are so nice and the gifs are always hella good quality just always makes me smile when i see them 

@kngniel​ YOU WANT BASICALLY PERFECT GIFS OF DANIEL HERE IS THE BLOG FOR YOU genuinely so many gifs you’ve made of him smiling and just MAKES ME FEEL SOFTTT 

@ongeuigeon​ SUCH AMAZING GIFS WTF like the gifs in a set always match perfectly with each other in every way AND I LOVE IT WHEN YOU ADD YOUR OWN LITTLE COMMENTS IN it always make the gif that much better 

@parkswoojin REALLY NICE GIFS and like you regularly make new ones so thank youuu for that and just really nice quality AND IN GENERAL A GREAT GIF BLOG TO FOLLOW

@park-woojin​ I LOVE YOU JUST FOR EXISTING AND MAKING WOOJIN GIFS LIKE all of your gifs are so nice and clean and great ass quality AND SINCE ITS WOOJIN i always smile my ass off whenever i see any of your gifs 

@rosybaejin AMAZING ASS GIFS LIKE WOWOOWOWOWOW mind fucking blown y'all AND also in general amazing blog to follow great baejin content

@sungwhoon really pretty high quality edits and gifs AND LIKE THE COLOURS ALWAYS LOOK AMAZING just so nice to look at your gifs

@woojinnies WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT YOU IN THIS FANDOM genuinely believe you are a staple piece of creating gifs in this fandom YOUVE MADE SOOOO MANY AND THEY’RE ALL SOOO GOOD like you have A GIFT just thank youuuu for making your gifs 

OTHER GREAT BLOGS:

@boo-jinyoung​​​ summer you’re an amazing ass dancer like woah and totally a baejin stan even tho you deny it CONSTANTLY and you are a  complete sweetheart everyone follow for HELLA GOOD jinyoung and guanlin content 

@crystalkpop​ I LOVE YOUUU THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR BEING ONE OF MY BIGGEST SUPPORTERS AND LIKING/COMMENTING MY WORKS JUST I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH

@dearlydaehwi AMAZING DAEHWI CONTENT LIKE DAMN like i love seeing the smol soft bean and you DELIVER like all daehwi stand should follow you just daehwi overload in the absolute best way possible

@extraongdinary LITERALLY PROVIDES ALL THE SEONGWOO CONTENT I NEED and reblogs good ass content SO HAPPY ASF leah ily even tho we’ve never talked you just ultra great 

@fywannaone​ JUST THANK THE LORDS FOR YOU best updates such great pictures literally don’t need to follow any other blogs cause like SO FAST just constantly blessing me with wanna one content SO THANK YOU 

@ricepot-jisung​ I KNOW YOURE A WRITER BUT I HAVEN’T HAD TIME TO READ YOUR WORKS which i bet are amazing AND TBH JUST FOLLOWED YOU BECAUSE YOU REPOSTED GOOD ASS CONTENT AND SEEMED SUPER NICE AND PERSONAL POSTS WERE RELATABLE ASF (whoops wrote all that in caps) 

@soft-baejin BRI we’ve barely talked since i’m never on the gc but you’re super duper sweet and nice and also have a really nice blog and you reblog really good jinyoung content and great content in general 

@wooh00jin SUPER SWEET and adores woojin great ships and i bet you have so many flooding in when ships are open cause you put so much detail into them and GREAT WOOJIN CONTENT  

@asongofmagicandtime | @sewnho | @lai-panlin | thank you for always being nice to me on the gc and I'm sad its not as active as before but all three of you are SUCH SWEETHEARTS and have GREAT ASS CONTENT on your blogs

MY FAVOURITE MUTUALS/CLOSE FRIENDS (which have not been mentioned above or i just felt like putting you here lmao):

@danielsoftgf​ DIAN YOU WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME NO MORE SENDING GIFS OF KOOKIE TAE N WOOJIN LIKE YOU RLY WANNA KILL ME but you so so soft for daniel it’s sweet but also so easy to exploit hehehe but i can see seongwoo just around the corner ;) but genuinely love your blog it’s so so so nice and chatting with you is the best I LOVE YOUUUU

@hyuckland​ OKAY IK WE JUST STARTED TALKING TINA AND I HAVEN’T GOT THE CHANCE TO STALK YOUR BLOG YET so i can’t really properly comment on anything BUT ONE THING I CAN is that you’re an absolute sweetheart and you made me feel SO MUCH BETTER with your messages BUT IK WE’RE GONNA BECOME HELLA CLOSE 

@jaehwansspookywife LUCY LUCY LUCY you are the funniest person ever you are so nice and sweet and hilarious and conversations never get boring w you we don’t talk THAT often but when we do i always genuinely enjoy it love youuuuu ALSO OBSESSED W JAEHWAN DON’T LET HER i don’t think he’s cute FOOL YOU

@kpopsincejune07​ JEN I LOVE YOU you were one of my first fans and you’ve been a huge supporter ever since AND WE BECAME CLOSER and talk when our stupid time zones all us lol and please don’t stress about work and take care of yourself also thank you for always reposting great fics BUT IM WAITING ON YOURSSS PLEASE PLEASE POST YOUR FIC i am waiting till this day for it ily

@ongsecngwoo​ GINNY MY LOVEEEEE i always love talking with you our conversations are always good and hella fun even tho we end up replying hours/days after EH ITS TIMEZONES but also i love your blog it’s so pretty AND THE CONTENT YOU REBLOG just yes yes yes also DONT STRESS ABOUT SCHOOL TOO MUCH AND YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF but also you haven’t replied to my messages in ages so i hope everything’s okay?? i just love you loads :)))

@parkkwoojin ace we don’t talk as much as before but I STILL CARE AND LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH you’re soon easy to slander but since i promised to be sweet i’m being sweet hehehe BUT GENUINELY YOU POST BOMB ASS GIFS AND ALWAYS IMPRESSED BY THEM and your gifs of woojin OOFT MY HEART DIESSSS just thank you for existing

@porkjeojang SUMMER OMG SUMMER YOU ARE SUCH A SOFT SWEETHEART WHICH I LOVE SO MUCH but you can also be one HELL OF A BITCH sometimes ya know?? also she says she’s loyal to jihoon but IVE SEEN HER EYEING DANIEL UP but she super multi talented making pixels, gifs, mood boards and writing scenarios LIKE TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS but i love you so much and without you my dashboard wouldn’t be complete

@spooky-jihoon NAIA IK WE AIN’T THAT CLOSE BUT YOU WERE ONE OF MY FIRST MUTUALS I TALKED TO sooo i put you here hope you don’t mind I MISS YOU A LOT you’re a literal angel AND PROBABLY THE MOST DEVOTED JIHOON FAN I KNOW like jihoon content right here ppl right here and ik you won’t see this after your hiatus BUT I LOVE YOUU 

@wannabl​ okay hana we haven’t talked in fucking ages cause i felt like you just didn’t really want to chat ya know? especially cause you’re so so busy w irl stuff but like i do really really miss you and i’ve actually sent a few anons saying that i do miss you and wanting to see how you’ll react never got a reply :( but genuinely in awe of how easily you make friends and that you have so many different types of works and i’m so glad you have so many people that recognise that like your anons (and i’m sorry if i was too overly jokingly bitchy) and everyone just go through her master list or just check out her blog cause genuinely such a funny person and has amazing content on there

@wanna-one MERVE you’re my sister/protecter from all things bad (like makeout scenes lmao) but even though you “hate” daniel you have your sweet ASF moments about him you basically confess you love everything about him AND SO MUCH DANIEL CONTENT ON YOUR BLUG BUT you’re always tired and stressed and i wish you were decently okay and happy but remember you’re so sweet ridiculously smart AND i still need to see a photo of you anyways i love you sooooo much and so does daniel ;)

@woojinstinygf OMG KITTY YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART AND PROBABLY THE MOST DEVOTED WOOJIN FAN IK (sorry all those woojin stans out there but like kitty takes it to ANOTHER LEVEL) i always love chatting w you and you always make feel so soft and happy ANYONE WANTS WOOJIN CONTENT OR SWEET WORDS OR ANYTHING ABOUT WOOJIN OR STRAY KIDS LMAO FOLLOW N MESSAGE KITTY (not actually her irl name but she tells ppl to call her that soooo ya)

IM SORRY IF I MISSED YOU PLEASE PLEASE MESSAGE ME SO I CAN ADD YOU ONTO THE LIST 

I LOVE YOU ALL BUT AGAIN VOTE!!!! MAGU MAGUUUUUU!!!!

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 10

THE 26/10/16 UPDATE

WOOOOOOO DOUBLE FUCKIN DIGITS YO. This is fantastic. So last time we left off, Dirk and Jake were gay and dumb. Now we are getting into the most anticipated interaction yet, Rosejade. Listen you people, you have no. idea how much I ship Rosejade. It ship it a l o t . . . Oh man it’s really cute. BUT Um YEAH LETS READ IT.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jesus christ this is too cute. Jade is so fucking happy to see Rose aaaaa.

And Rose is just like “jesus jade dont knock me over”

ROSE: -Oof. JADE: nice to see you rose!!!

YES. YES it is.

Oh my god help its too cute. I love their droopy lil pajama sleeves, it really makes this so much better and im not sure why.

ROSE: (... Nice to see you too, Jade.) JADE: bark!

Goddammit. Ok its clear I have a problem here, Jade is too fucking cute.

Alright thank goodness, those cute detailed panels were a little too much for me. John’s creeping in the background, and Dave’s hanging out with Karkat. Jade doesn’t seem happy?

JADE: (oh my god im so sorry) JADE: (i cant believe i just did that!) JADE: (thats so embarrassing...)

Jade shut up it was cute.

ROSE: (No harm done.) ROSE: (It’s endearing, in a way.) ROSE: (Though perhaps the charm might simply be a patented Jade Harley trait.)

God, YES. Now Rose is complimenting her, and its probably in a platonic sense considering she has a girlfriend but JEEZ I ship it.

ok I hope my shipping of this doesn’t come off as annoying.

JADE: ..dawwww! :) ROSE: (But you might want to keep your voice down.) ROSE: (I’m not sure why it’s become so quiet, but I am perfectly willing to preserve this lull in activity.) ROSE: (Especially in order to sustain the pleasant conversation we’re currently having.)

Yes it is very pleasant. Very very.

JADE: oh ok! JADE: whoops JADE: (i mean) JADE: (ok) ROSE: (Now that our vocal chords have been successfully wrangled, we can get right into the thick of it.) ROSE: (It seemed like you had something to ask me when you approached.) JADE: (oh um yes i did!) JADE: (but im kind of unsure how to ask...) ROSE: (In moments like these, I think the best advice I can give is to say “fuck it”.) ROSE: (And do it anyway.) JADE: :o

great advice Rose. NOW Jade, what did you have to ask? It’s probably gonna be something extremely platonic and irrelevant to my ships, but you know what I can dream.

JADE: (well geez when you put it that way!) JADE: (heh...) ROSE: (Well?) JADE: (oh right yeah) JADE: (soooooo)

hrnK help

Oh. Right, it’s the Earth. So what did you need to ask then? What would Rose know about the Earth?

JADE: (i was wondering what you thought we should do about the earth!) JADE: (john said that taking care of it is supposed to be my responsibility) JADE: (and looking at it right now... isnt it a bit more uh) JADE: (watery, than it should be?)

Yeah, it is quite watery. this is the post-scratch earth I believe, so that would make sense. I think, at least. I never know with all this time shit.

ROSE: (It certainly looks that way. It's just another unfortunate consequence of the scratch.) ROSE: (Though I think it might be a slight improvement over the barren ball of basalt our earth became after that cataclysmic meteor shower.) ROSE: (We’ll just have to make do.) JADE: (so thats it then?) JADE: (we just) JADE: (give earth an orbit around a new star or something) JADE: (and find an island to live on?) ROSE: (That does seem a suitable course of action.) ROSE: (We might want to do something about all that ocean, though.) ROSE: (At the very least to make the planet somewhat more aesthetically pleasing. Sprinkle a few continents here and there, you know.) ROSE: (No offense, but one measly island will doubtless get boring after a while.) ROSE: (Let alone be capable of housing what will hopefully one day be a thriving multi-species civilization.)

Oh yeah, there’s gonna have to be a lot more land for all that LIFE. Do they have a way of making more land though? It’s probably not gonna be a problem, it’ll just be interesting to see how they do it I guess.

JADE: (hehehe!) JADE: (i guess youre right about that!) JADE: (although...) JADE: (i kind of wonder about all of our planets here in the medium) ROSE: (What about them?) JADE: (i went through all that trouble to bring them here, and now were just gonna leave them behind?) JADE: (why dont we bring them along?) JADE: (personally im a little attached! :P) ROSE: (Personally, I would rather not.) JADE: (aw) JADE: (well why?)

But Rooose, your land is so pretty! How would you just give that up?

ROSE: (They’re essentially just an overly grandiose and complicated puzzle designed for preteens, presented as personalized celestial bodies.) ROSE: (Some of them even have giant snakes inside them. Ew.) JADE: (pfffft)

pfffft. Those snakes were awesome. And even if they are just a puzzle, that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate what they are aesthetically! I mean, come on Rose. You gotta stop resenting things for what they’re supposed to be! 

JADE: (wow rose i sure did miss you a whole lot)

8D

JADE: (you always have such a smart and funny way of putting things!) JADE: (but will the denizens really still be there if we take them with us?) ROSE: (It was a joke, Jade. One of the many that I dole out on a regular basis, as the shrewd yet whimsical person you say I am.) ROSE: (They’ll likely vanish once we exit the game for good, whether we bring them through to the new universe or not.) ROSE: (They’re game constructs. I can’t see them serving much purpose past the end credits, so to speak.)

Wellll, I don’t know about that! I mean, yeah, they are game constructs and all. But like all the consorts, I think it’s safe to say they’re sentient as well! Sooo... Hm. Why would Jade’s Denizen have wanted her to take them all in the first place? I mean, to save them from Jack I suppose, but what’s the point if they would die from the big “your winner” screen at the end anyways?

JADE: (oh... well that makes me wonder) JADE: (what about the sprites? theyre game constructs too right?) ROSE: (That is a decent point.)

That IS a decent point. I dont wanna lose Jasprose or Davepeta.

Also. Has anybody wondered if there could be a Jasprovepeta^3? Because THAT, would be pretty great.

ROSE: (The kernels, at the very least, are absolutely nothing more than game constructs. They are a core mechanic of the game in their relationship with the maturity of the battlefield and the power of the black and white monarchs, and they don’t even have consciousness.) ROSE: (The sprites, however... well.) ROSE: (I’m not sure.) ROSE: (It’s highly likely they’ll be able to continue existing indefinitely, all things considered.) ROSE: (Though ultimately, it’s up to them whether they’d like to take a stab at life beyond Sburb.)

Well I dont see why they wouldn’t! Aside from maybe Erisol.

Pfft

ROSE: (Hopefully at least ONE of them will remain here.) ROSE: (Far, far away.) ROSE: (Never to be seen again.) ROSE: (Or be mourned.) ROSE: (At all.) ROSE: (Ever.) JADE: (um???) ROSE: (Nevermind that.)

NO dammit, Jasprose cannot stay behind. She needs to continue to exist and be part of this story because she’s greAT! Though she did say she was no longer interested...

JADE: (okay well) JADE: (im still kind of unsure about all this...) ROSE: (We’ll figure it out, Jade. There’s really not much to worry over.) JADE: (well... what about uh) JADE: (repopulation?) ROSE: (Like I said. We’ll figure it out.) ROSE: (Some ectobiology will likely be involved.) ROSE: (Which we will all be able to discuss as a group when the time comes.) ROSE: (Rather than right this second.)

Something wrong Rose? You’re kinda seeming a little impatient.

JADE: (um...) JADE: (rose, im sorry, i dont mean to make you mad)

Oh, Jade noticed too

ROSE: (I’m not mad.) JADE: (you seem a little mad!) ROSE: (*sigh*)

Out with it, Rose. Tell us what’s going on in that brain of yours.

JADE: (i just really want make sure i do my job right) JADE: (im supposed to make sure we all have a proper place to live!!) ROSE: (You’ll do just fine, Jade. You’ve always done your best at every task you’ve tackled, and what small miracles you can accomplish with hardly any effort are a reflection of how truly capable you are. We all have faith in you.)

Oh jeez.. Is it just me, or is Rose kinda seeming resentful towards Jade’s achievements. I hope that’s not the case.

JADE: (thanks, but...) JADE: (is everything okay?) JADE: (you dont sound all that enthusiastic) JADE: (did i do something wrong?) ROSE: (No, no.) ROSE: (This is all me.)

Come on rooose, tell us

ROSE: (I missed you Jade, I really did. But seeing you again now brings back unpleasant memories.) JADE: (oh) JADE: (you mean like your mom...?) ROSE: (Less the incident itself and more the horrifically immature child I behaved like back then.) ROSE: (Never was my childishness more apparent than with how I treated you.) JADE: (what! what do you mean?)

Hmm... thinking back at it, Rose sort of did treat Jade as just this object of mystery. Dave was always suspicious of her too, but Rose was seemingly always trying to point out when Jade said something that didn’t add up.

ROSE: (I was never a very good friend to you, Jade.) ROSE: (There were, and perhaps still are, some things about you that made me feel...) ROSE: (Insecure.)

Hmmm again.. I could understand insecurities in the past, but now Rose is practically on the same level as Jade. Is it a personality thing? because that doesn’t seem likely.

ROSE: (And, well. I was very petty, and allowed myself to wallow in jealousy while shoehorning you into another of my many imagined rivalries.)

Oh, damn. I guess I should have suspected something like that, considering how competitive Rose really can be when it comes to just about anything.

JADE: (you were jealous?) JADE: (of me???) ROSE: (You were bubbly and cheerful. Genuinely likeable, unlike me. Legitimately smart, where I more often than not felt the need to pad my intellect with random facts I learned on the internet. You had a multitude of talents and seemed to be able to do almost anything with hardly any effort.) ROSE: (Not to mention, I was under the impression you could see the future.)

DammIT, this is a large part of the reason I wanted them to interact. there was so much misunderstanding between them before, and once Rose finally knew how Jade did the things she did, it just went.. unmentioned.

JADE: (oh yeah... ugh, i thought i was soooo smart :\) JADE: (just thinking about all those dumb vague hints i used to drop makes me cringe!!)

I mean, it’s not like you didn’t always do what was best for your friends. Come on! You gotta feel a little smug when you understand all of the complicated bullshit about sburb. Even though you didn’t, in the end. you still thought you did. Plus you were 13. Nowhere near as mature as you are now. Which I suppose can be said for everybody, really.

JADE: (i totally get it, rose. im really sorry!) ROSE: (Please, don’t be.) ROSE: (Without the haze of envy blotting my vision I can see you for the charming, likeable, caring girl you really are and always have been.)

AGh, dammit this is putting me back into shipping mode nO!

ROSE: (I’d like to think I’ve done at least SOME maturing over the last three years.) ROSE: (Now I’m the smug one with clairvoyance. My, how the tables have turned.) JADE: (welllll...) JADE: (you were always a LITTLE bit smug :P) ROSE: (Oh, only a little?) ROSE: (You flatterer.)

fuCKINg. KISS.

Ah, shit. thats the end of their interaction. NEXT UP, we goooot... Calliope and Jane! Sweet. And as it seems to be the pattern we are following, we get a sneak peek at their conversation in this update.

JANE: (Pssst!) JANE: (Callie!)

And that’s it. ALRiGHT, sNEAK PEEK OVER.

This was a really fun Rosejade conversation though. We got to learn more about how they felt about eachother in the past, and how those feelings have changed since. And not to mention, some plot details on the plans for the new Earth.

And since I still suck at ending these things, ten parts in, ill seeya next time. might be today again, whon knows. maybe ill go for 5 updates in one day.

[newtshirtcom]

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[thoughtsoahr]

4/27/19

Hey hey hey here to say (lol rhyme) that i fucking love love love my real big sister and my frat big! I know i sound like such a smol person right now who cant do anything for herself-- which isnt true i can do a lot of shit on my own thank you very much-- but i think growing up as a little sister for real shaped how i view things and how i act and so im definitely forever in the little sister mindset despite being 20 years old and having a little of my own now HAHAHAH but it feels good to have people who genuinely want to take care of you and look out for you even people who arent my big(s) look out for me constantly and are so so caring and for that im just so so so thankful!!!! not to get all emotional or simpy but yallreadyknow im a very emotional and simpy person.

Get ready bc its about to get reaaalll here

[speaking about my non biological big]

Choosing my big a little over a year ago, i had no real idea what kind of relationship would transpire. I knew i wanted a guy big since I already have a big sister, so I chose a big brother on the basis of someone i could learn from and look up to as a role model kinda. not super serious as it sounds, but in general i wanted someone to look up to like my big sis!! After some advice i chose my big and like i was pretty neutral about my decision because i had no idea who i wanted to pick so i just picked one i knew id at least be okay with. So throughout the first semester, i saw other people and their bigs getting really close and i got kinda jealous bc mine never realy asked to hang out much but i get that different people mighht not be that proactive and initiative of things so it was ok, also these other people chose their bigs because fromt he get go they knew for sure they wanted that person whereas i had no fucking clue HAHAHA

This first semester it was awkward like any other friendship right like you barely know the person so u go to small talk and shit (eventually when youre actual real good friends you can joke around without it being awkward and roast the other person knowking the other person has good intentions!!) but then the next semester we hung out more and i really like it when we hang out as a whole line too i think that helped! really fortunate to have such an active line that still talks to eachother and gets food :,) So yeah were like good friends now esp after this semester (his last semester tho, sad :( ) and i guess the one thing i felt like lacked was being able to talk to him about deep stuff like stuff ill talk to with my actual big sister bc i regularly call my sisterbecause i lowkey think i have mild depression but i think thats a story for another post HAHAH anyways its definitely beneficial for me to talk about it outlod with someone whether it be on the phone of in person and the phone is good i always feel better when i talk to my sister about it but sometimes i just want a hug ya know so it would be nice to talk sto someone in person ! anywas i was always hesitant to talk to my big about these things bc i guess we could joke around and hang out fine but it really is a different level of friendship when you can share your problems and mental health issues... and before you say oh why dont you talk to your other friends i feel like i dont want to burden them with these ramblings and have them feel ba for me because when i tell my housemates these types of things (although i know theyre not judging and they actually care about me) i cant help but feel like theyre silently judging me for having so many problems and bitching about small problems also cuz im sure another one o fmy housemates suffers from depression so i dont want to trigger her anyways so last night it was like a lit ass party which i missed out on but im def okay withit because i basically talked the whole night with my big about some stuffs and it felt good knowing that he knows the extent and details about it and knows how i feel about it because i think he knew before it just wasnt clear clear ((but we were both rly fcked up hahahah i guess alcohol really is a relaxant haha made me okay with spilling what i always wanted to spill without feeling weird about it)) anyways his response is what really got me because as we were talking about it okay so it went like this

Me: “blah blah this happened and i know i was dumb and naiive for letting it happen”

Other person in room: “yeah thats why i stayed up so late to make sure you were okay and didnt get taken advantage of again”

--this night my big also stayed awake pretty late but i think because he didnt really know the extent of the issue, he was oblivious which isnt his fault, also the other person knew bc shes a girl and was also targetted i think so we kinda were on the same page--

Big’s response after hearing this: (paraphrased and what i remember from the night mind you i was fucked up so my memory might not be the best lol) “wait what?? If i had known i would have stayed up” and he followed up with “Im not kidding if someone would lay a finger on you i would actually knock the shit out of them”

he said this in a really serious tone and lol the shift from regular party to serious conversation tone was really sudden but im glad we were able to talk about this in a serious tone. After hearing this i was kinda like surprised because ive never really seen him talk that seriously before usually were all joking around but i really appreciate it when i have friends who i can talk about serious things with because in the long run its these relationshps thall help you when youre down and everything and ugh just yeah

TLDR; Im really grateful to have a non biological big that cares for me and looks out for me like my real biological big and after last night Im one hundo percent sure i picked the right big and im just so so thankful for all hes done :,)

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Weddings, Roth IRAs, Shoes, Blankets, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Thoughts on caring for parents 2. Wedding question, part one 3. Wedding question, part two 4. Starbucks Visa 5. Books on home buying 6. Frugal running shoes 7. Roth IRA contribution question 8. Roth IRA or bigger e-fund? 9. Unwanted Christmas toys 10. Marketing crocheted baby blankets 11. Where do I get advice? 12. Further areas of philosophy Here in Iowa, it felt like winter did not begin until about January 12th or so, but when it did, it hit with a vengeance, with many inches of snow and a forecast for the coming week that has wind chills at our home approaching -50F. When the weather gets that cold, it interferes with all kinds of things. You simply avoid going outside if at all possible, which means that As I write this, Im bundled up in multiple layers of clothing with a cup of hot tea on my desk. I feel quite good after getting up quite early to shovel snow. I dont bother running the snowblower unless we have several inches, as shoveling our drive of a few inches of snow is good exercise. On with the questions. Q1: Thoughts on caring for parents My wife and I are in our forties. We have two adult children that are moved out and on their own. Her parents are both in their late seventies; my parents have been deceased since I was 20. Her parents are ailing. Theyre not in a situation where they need to be in a retirement home, but household tasks wear them out. They live about an hour away and we visit them two or three times a week to help out, as do my wifes siblings. We have been talking about the possibility of having her parents move in with us to make things easier on all involved. We are actually set up very well with this, as we have a large main floor bedroom that could be used by them and a main floor bathroom with a shower that could be modified a bit to make it easy for them to use. Our main worry is that the other siblings will simply stop helping or visiting in any way and just assume were taking care of it. They really like the regular visits from their children and grandchildren and we worry that will all dry up if they move in with us. Our secondary worry is financial as it will add some household expenses. What are your thoughts on this? Shaun In general, if everyone is on board with this, I think multigenerational living is a great approach for everyone involved. The key to making it work is communication people cant hold back on their feelings or else you will turn every little molehill into a mountain. You have to listen to each other and genuinely try to be supportive of one another to the best of your ability. If you can do that, itll work well. As for your specific concerns, with your primary worry, one way to handle this is to just simply have regular family dinners at your house. Make it a routine to have people over for dinner a couple of times a week. I dont know whether your home can support this, but it sounds like it can. Doing this gives people a reason to visit and see your in-laws rather than just stopping by. Its usually easier to go visit a parent or a grandparent if you have a reason to do so; if its just stopping by, its easy to skip it. If theres a meal involved, it feels more like a reason to visit. So, if the move happens, just institute some regular meals. Maybe have a regular Sunday evening potluck or something like that, and maybe start inviting a few people over on weeknights on a regular basis. For the extra meal effort, dont hesitate to ask people to come early to help prep if needed or to bring a side dish in fact, thats a good idea, because it invests them in the meal and makes the visit feel more purposeful. As for the financial concern, talk that over with your in-laws. They will probably want to feel some ownership over the situation anyway. You can simply ask them to pay the energy bill and the internet bill or something like that, something that will partially replace their utility costs at their old place and possibly cut your overall bills, too. They can contribute to buying food, too. This can end up being a money saver for you, actually. The key with any situation like this is open communication and candor. Everything wont go perfectly and youll all do things that drive the other one crazy. Just be open about it and dont let it grow into hurt feelings. Understand that everyone loves each other and you all want to make this work. Q2: Wedding question, part one I have two wedding-related questions for the Reader Mailbag. One of my best friends is getting married, and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. We are in our mid-to-late 20s. She and her fiance make good incomes and come from fairly well-off families. My friend and I have pretty different approaches to our finances as she really enjoys going out, eating out, shopping, etc. Meanwhile, Im currently in grad school. My friends wedding will be at a swanky venue in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. (Note: its not a destination wedding, but I dont live there.) I expect everything about the wedding to be top-of-line. My friend wants all of her bridesmaids to purchase bridesmaids dresses together as a group from the same store, by the same deadline. The store stylist said that this guarantees that all of the dresses will come from the same dye lot. The dress that my friend chose for everyone to wear is $300. Its not that I dont have the money for this, but thats a lot of money! I found that same dress, used, in my size online. The used dress is significantly less money than the dresss retail price. I dont feel that dye lot matters much, but some online wedding forums warn against bridesmaids purchasing dresses piecemeal to avoid inconsistencies that may show up in the wedding photos. I would feel awkward asking my friend if I can order the dress on my own rather than as part of the group, because I feel like Id be ruining her expensive photos. Again, its not that I absolutely cant afford it, but it just seems so wasteful to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress when I can find it for so much less. Is this a time when I just need to suck it up and participate in the group order for the sake of maintaining social normalcy? I already feel bad because Im skipping the bachelorette party which is across the country, so I feel like Im the odd one out. Tammy If I were in your shoes, I would sit down and talk to your friend about the situation. Simply ask if it is okay for the bridesmaids to buy the dress on their own. If she asks why, simply explain the reason youre a graduate student, $300 is a lot of money, and you found the same dress in the same color for much less. The thing to remember is that if this causes a real issue, then there are issues in the friendship to begin with. A good friend appreciates the situation that their friend finds themselves in and works to find a way around it. A wedding is not made or broken on the dress worn by a bridesmaid. Just have a conversation. The vast majority of the time, this will be a non-issue. If it is an issue, its a valuable indication of the status of the friendship. Q3: Wedding question, part two Second, how much would you recommend spending for the wedding gift? I was thinking of something from the registry thats $100, but a lot of wedding etiquette sites say that if its a really good friend, you should be spending closer to $175. I dont want to seem cheap or send the message that I dont value her as a really good friend, especially when this is going to be a really nice/luxurious occasion. But theres also a shower gift to account for Tammy You should completely ignore wedding etiquette sites when they give an exact dollar amount for a gift, especially one as weirdly precise as $175. Thats just weird, bad advice. Give a thoughtful gift you can afford. Pick something from the registry that you can afford and then also write a nice handwritten note to go along with the gift expressing your best wishes for the couple in your own words with your best penmanship. Anyone who looks negatively upon a gift given to them is a person lacking in character. Gifts should always be given freely based upon what the giver can easily afford. Q4: Starbucks Visa As a Starbucks lover, is the Starbucks Visa worth it? How does it compare to popular cards like the Chase Freedom? Lana Well, lets walk through the hypothetical example given in their sales pitch. In that example, youre spending $525 a month for a year, $25 at Starbucks and $500 elsewhere, so that adds up to $6,300. Lets say you use the card for two years, so the total is $12,600. This earns you 64 rewards in the first year and 28 rewards the second year, totaling 92 rewards. A reward is a drink or food item at Starbucks and appears to be at least somewhat Starbucks choice. Lets assume these are worth an average of $4 each, so your total rewards are $368 in value. To get that reward, you also have to pay $100 in annual fees on the card. So, youre getting $268 in value, all in the form of Starbucks items that you largely cant select yourself. Thats a little over 2% in rewards in the form of food items that are probably good but you cant select yourself. Thats not really the best card deal out there, and its going to decline in value each additional year because you only get that big bonus the first year. I dont think this card is worth it unless you drink a lot of Starbucks, in which case you might want to rethink how much youre spending in coffee shops. Q5: Books on home buying Do you have any recommendations on books to read to learn about home-buying? My wife and I are planning to purchase this year. Jim My first recommendation for first-time homebuyers is Home Buying Kit for Dummies by Eric Tyson (seriously). Its an extremely good guide to what people should know about buying their first home, and Sarah and I read an earlier edition thoroughly when we were considering buying our current home. Ignore the for Dummies part its a really good guide. From there, Id hone in on which aspects of home buying arent crystal clear to you and read articles and find books to fill in gaps in your knowledge. If I had to pick a second book, Id probably look at 100 Questions Every First-Time Home Buyer Should Ask by Ilyce Glink. While its not as thorough as the Tyson book, it does delve nicely into specific areas of the home buying experience and can complement specific areas of the Tyson book well. Q6: Frugal running shoes For a new years resolution I followed your advice and started a resolution of running for 1 minute every day this year and running more if I feel like it but not required. Its been working great! I have been running about 20 minutes a day on average on warm days and at least running a block or two on the really cold days. I thankfully have a spot to run on snowy days. Anyway Im writing to ask for frugal advice on running shoes. I used to be a big spender back when I was running and bought expensive shoes constantly. I whipped my finances in shape during a time when I wasnt running for various reasons but now that Im back at it, I need to figure out a way to do this without spending $100-200 a month on shoes. Ideas? Tom Lets get this out of the way right now: I do not advocate anyone running in worn out shoes. You are begging for various physical problems by doing so. You should be replacing your shoes 300 to 500 miles or every 18 months, because the sole of the shoe simply wears down. Look at the bottom of the shoe and see if you see a lot of creases on the shoes bottom and theres significant discoloring thats a great sign of wear and you should probably get new ones. My recommendation is to find a good mid-cost model that really works well for you, buy a pair of them, and then stalk out bargains on that specific model. I have either personally liked or heard very good things about ASICS Gel Venture, Nike Revolution 4, and Adidas Cloudfoam, all of which are available under $50 a pair with ease, so try those. Once you have a sub-$50 pair you really like, just watch very closely for bargains on those shoes and buy multiple pairs at once if you find a really good deal. You can watch them on Amazon by using tools like Camel Camel Camel, for example. Q7: Roth IRA contribution question I decided to put some money that I got for Christmas from my wonderful generous grandparents into a Roth IRA. I opened one through Vanguard and went to deposit the money and they asked if it was a 2018 contribution or a 2019 contribution. Which should I choose? Not sure of the ramifications. Julie Since this is a new Roth IRA meaning you havent made any contributions to a Roth IRA in 2018, I assume and Im also assuming that (a) you havent filed your taxes for 2018 yet and (b) the amount youre contributing is less than $5,500, then you should make a 2018 contribution. Each year, youre allowed to contribute up to $5,500 to your Roth IRA starting in 2019, that limit goes up to $6,000. That window to contribute starts on January 1 of a given year and ends when you file your taxes for that year early in the following year. So, until you file your 2018 taxes (some time before mid April), you can still make a 2018 Roth IRA contribution, and you should do so because that window is about to close forever, plus it leaves the 2019 contribution window wide open. This is a great thing to be doing with a gift from grandparents, by the way. While they might want you to do something fun with that money, if you told them that you put it aside for your future, theyll be proud of you and for good reason. Heres another good Roth IRA question. Q8: Roth IRA or bigger e-fund? I have about $3,000 in an emergency fund which would be enough to get by for about two months. I am single with a 7 year old daughter. I have about $1,000 surplus in checking. Should I add to the emergency fund or add to my Roth? Nowhere near contribution limits for the year. Amy First of all, I want to say that I am in awe of what youre pulling off here. Youre a single mother who not only has a healthy emergency fund, but is also concerned about saving for retirement. You are on the ball and deserve kudos for that. Second, two months of living expenses is a good healthy emergency fund. If I were in your shoes, I would probably make the Roth contribution with most of the surplus, leaving a little behind in checking as a buffer. Then, I would set up an automatic transfer from checking to savings each week $10 or $15 or $20 should do. This way, your emergency fund automatically grows slowly over time and if you have to tap it, you know its going to refill over time with no further effort. So, Id probably contribute around $750 to the Roth IRA, then Id set up a $20 per week automatic transfer into my emergency fund going forward. Q9: Unwanted Christmas toys My kids receive an absurd number of gifts for Christmas each year. For the last few years, my husband and I have actually removed a few items from their pile that they were less interested in and put them aside to see if they remember them and if not we quietly sell them and put the money in their 529. We figure the gifts were unwanted. This past weekend my sister came over and mentioned the toy she had bought for our middle child. It was one he had overlooked and we had put in storage in the garage. We hadnt sold it yet. He wanted it so we dug it out and gave it to him. My sister was obviously curious as to what the deal was and we explained it to her and she got really mad at us and called us thieves. What are your thoughts? Jason I honestly dont see anything too wrong with your approach. Youre putting the gifts that your children arent interested in aside for a while, giving it some time in case they do think about them, and then if they dont, you sell them off and put the money aside for their college education. Its not as if youre stealing their toys or anything youre just turning the ones they dont want into something that will help them for life. Your sisters response might have had something to do with the fact that she apparently put a lot of thought into the gift and your child wasnt interested in the gift, which hurt her feelings. Her feelings were probably hurt even worse when she found out you were going to sell it unopened. This is one of those situations where you should just give it a little time and talk about it when the situation is less raw. I think your sister will see the sense in what youre doing. Q10: Marketing crocheted baby blankets In late 2018, three extended family members had babies so I crocheted a blanket for each one. The recipients seemed to genuinely love them and two suggested that I try to sell them. I enjoy making them but I dont even know where to start. Carrie My honest suggestion is that you throw out the suggestion to your social network. Post it on social media along with a picture or two of the baby blankets and say that youre willing to make them for baby shower or birth gifts. State your price and the dimensions and what kind of customization options you offer. Im honestly not sure what to charge for the blankets. Thats something you would be much better at assessing than I am. My suggestion would be to go relatively low in price at first cover the price of the yarn and make a little for yourself, but not a mint and then raise it if your blankets become popular. You might also consider an Etsy account in order to sell your wares. Q11: Where do I get advice? You give so much great advice! Where do you go when you need advice? Jenna When Im in a situation where I dont know what to do, I usually write it all out. Im a huge proponent of doing three morning pages, which is a journaling technique where you sit down each morning and just brain dump three pages of writing in a blank journal. I try really hard to do that every day, and it often turns into a forum for me to take a problem in my life and turn it over thoroughly with pros and cons. I usually need to really understand a problem first before I can look for meaningful advice on it. Quite often, this process will make the solution to my problem screamingly obvious. The next step, if journaling doesnt give me an answer, is always to talk to my wife, even if the advice I need involves her. We communicate with each other a lot not a day goes by without a few meaningful conversations. Sarah is my primary source for advice on everything. If Im still unsure, I usually go to the library and try to research ideas on my own. I tend to trust expert advice from books, where the reasoning behind the advice is usually laid out and I can see how that advice applies to my life. If Im still unsure, I usually talk to a few people in my life that I really trust. I have a few mentors in the community. I really trust and value the views of my parents and my wifes parents and my sister-in-law. I talk to them next. If Im still not sure what to do, Ill go talk to a professional in that particular field, but its very rare that I get to this point. Q12: Further areas of philosophy I have been enjoying your semi-regular series of Saturday articles about how different schools of philosophy provide personal finance guidance. What areas are you planning to cover in the future? Dane So far, Ive covered stoicism, Epicureanism, Aristotleanism, and secular Buddhism, for those interested. Danes note actually came in before the last one was posted. Going forward, I definitely want to write an article on transcendentalism, which Ive touched on indirectly several times. This would cover Emerson and Thoreau (who I hold in very high regard), among others. I can see a useful article on utilitarianism at some point. I want to read more about various Eastern schools of philosophy which, outside of secular Buddhism and a few others, I know little. Beyond that, it really depends on where my reading takes me. I love reading philosophy, particularly those with a practical angle that provides insights on how to live, and I find that most such schools of thought that deal with the practical in some fashion have a lot of application to personal finance. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-weddings-roth-iras-shoes-blankets-and-more/

[samanthasroberts]

13 Ways To Make Your Partner Feel Important (So Your Relationship Has A Chance)

My husband and I have been together for almost nine years now. Thats almost a third of my life! Although were still madly in love we do have our moments. In particular, when I was in college I was so wrapped up in my own studies, work and our daughter, that my marriage was quickly falling apart and I didnt even notice! My husband, who was also busy with work, did notice and he felt as if I just didnt care about him anymore.

He had valid reason to think so. I spent so much time studying and trying to juggle everything else that I really didnt give him the attention, love and care that he deserved. Eventually, that led to fights and arguments until I understood why he was so mad. I promised myself to make him feel important again, because he is, and were doing better than ever.

Sometimes when youre married for a long time other things take priority over your husband. With kids, work, friends, household chores and responsibilities, along with your own hobbies and interests, your relationship will occasionally fall to the wayside as you spend time doing other things. It happens and thats okay, but if youre not careful, you and your husband may begin to drift apart.

There will be days, sometimes weeks, where youre too busy to go out or even spend quality time together at home. Thats normal, but a prolonged emotional distance and time spent apart can cause some serious relationship damage.

Its crucial to make your loved one feel important on a daily basis if you want your relationship to last. And they should make you feel important, too. Although it can be very easy to make someone feel loved and important, it can also be something thats forgotten if you dont put any effort in at all a difficult lesson I had to learn.

1. Ask him about his day.

After so many years with someone, asking about their day can seem trivial. I mean, dont we already know what they do for work and yadda-yadda? That might so, but taking the time to ask him about his day shows you care and that youre thinking about him.

My husband and I make it a priority to ask one another about our days. Not only do we ask, we actually listen and show interest, and that is key! You have to actually pay attention! And because its something you can do every day over dinner its easy to actually remember to do it.

2. Talk about him.

Its been proven that a persons favorite topic to talk about is themselves, so why not let him? Let him talk about his day, his hobbies, his friends and favorite things. Then ask him questions about those things and keep him talking! Hell love it and think to himself that his wife really cares.

3. Show genuine interest in his passions.

Its great when you and your husband have similar interests; it gives you something to talk about and activities to do together. For example, my husband and I enjoy thrift shopping, going to concerts and browsing art galleries. However, he still has hobbies and interests that I dont share with him and vice versa. He enjoys playing darts, watching documentaries and has a deep love for all things (including the lifestyle) from the mid-century. And I enjoy spending time outdoors, creating art and playing board games.

Although my husband would rather grab a pint at the pub and shoot some pool over hiking, he still joins me now and again for a walk in the woods, and Ill join him for a drink. More importantly, Ill ask him questions about things he enjoys and actually listen. (Remember when I said people like to talk about themselves?)

Even if you dont necessarily care for his passions and hobbies, you should at least show some interest. Nothing makes someone feel more important than when you want to talk about them and the things they enjoy. And who knows? Maybe youll actually find a new hobby or passion in the process. I know I have.

4. Dont criticize or complain.

No matter who someone is, its quite possible they will do things we dont like. Little quirks and habits are things that all couples have to deal with over the years, but at some point there will be something that comes up that you just cant stand. No matter what that is, how you handle it is the important part.

The first thing to do is to try and understand him and his point of view. If its something that you need to talk about it, go ahead and talk about it, but instead of criticizing and complaining make sure to be understanding and forgiving.

5. Let him vent.

Everyone has a bad day now and then, and he will, too. It can frustrating to listen to someone vent their problems but if you want him to feel important you should take the time to listen. Not only that, but try not to invalidate his feelings or even try to solve his problems. Truth is, he just wants someone to listen to him.

6. Show your appreciation.

Did you know people like to feel appreciated? Of course. They like to feel valued, cared about, needed, wanted and loved. One way to show your husband that you feel all of these things is to take note of his good qualities and give him sincere appreciation.

Is he a good cook? Does he always brush the snow off your car in the winter? Or maybe he likes to surprise you with flowers? Dont let the little things go unnoticed!

Showing your appreciation can be done in a number of ways. It can be shown with a hug, in a written note, or a simple kind gesture, but of course, a simple thank you will always do.

7. Show gratitude.

Whenever you find yourself becoming frustrated with your husband try to write out a list of all the things about him that youre grateful for. This list can include whatever you want on it and it will help remind you of all the reasons you love him. Then, from time to time, let him know about the things that youre grateful for.

Does he cook you dinner most nights? Be grateful! Is he a great listener? Be grateful. Does he make you feel special? Be grateful! And dont just write it down, let him know that you are grateful for him. You may think that he already knows, but even still he actually might need to hear the words or be shown, and it will mean the world to him.

8. Be affectionate.

In a newer relationship affection seems to be something that just happens naturally. New couples cant seem to stop touching each other, whether its holding hands or something more. Unfortunately in most cases as the relationship develops couples often stop being as affectionate as when they first started dating.

In my own experience, one of the quickest ways to kill a relationship is to neglect each other physically. Being affectionate with one another will make both of you feel more comfortable and connected, but without it, you may feel distant and cold and not even know why.

There are a lot of different ways to show affection, and its not just about sex. It can be as simple as a good morning kiss, holding hands while walking down the street, or even sitting next to one another on the couch. Not to mention, theres also cuddling, spooning in bed, massaging one another, and joking around.

In order to keep your love and passion alive, and make one another feel important, remember to show your affection regularly!

9. Respect each others opinions.

Most of the couples I know share a lot of the same values and opinions. Still, there are things that two people just wont agree on. It might be something as small as agreeing what the best restaurant is, or even something more serious like who to vote for. Chances are though, that it wont be a complete deal breaker.

When you dont agree with something, the best thing to do is agree to disagree. Fighting about it usually wont change the other persons opinion, it will only make the both of you angry. You can, however, discuss it as long as you respect the other persons opinion, keep an open-mind, be honest and in the end, remember that you are both entitled to your own thoughts and opinions. By showing you respect his opinion, you make him feel important.

10. Accept his family.

There are a lot of jokes in TV sit-coms and in life about parent-in-laws, and thats because people can relate! Sometimes your husbands parents might just infuriate you and your parents might just infuriate him. Still, as his wife, you should really do your best to accept his parents and he yours.

Its important that you try your best to get along, accept them and be respectful. Im not saying that you have to like them, but you do have to tolerate them if you want your husband to feel important. So the next time the in-laws are getting on your nerves, keep your mouth shut.

11. Celebrate his successes.

No matter how big or small that success is, celebrating it with him will make him feel important. Got promoted at work? Celebrate! Passed a test? Celebrate! Won a game? Celebrate!

Nothing says you are important to me like a big ol cake to celebrate a success. Unless, of course, he prefers beer.

12. Give generously.

How amazing does it feel to receive something, whether its someones time or a gift? It makes you feel pretty damn important! If you want to make your husband feel important, try giving generously.

Im not saying you have to go out and buy him a new sports car for his birthday (which would be awesome) but you should try to do nice things for him on the regular.

13. Open up about yourself.

Finally, open up to your husband; open your heart and your mind, and share yourself with him completely. A marriage is different from other relationships and one thing that makes it different is the openness that is shared between the two of you.

There are a lot of different ways to make that special man in your life feel important, but you have to remember to actually do it. And dont forget, they should make you feel important, too!

This post originally appeared at Attract The One.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/13-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-important-so-your-relationship-has-a-chance/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/02/04/13-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-important-so-your-relationship-has-a-chance/

[allofbeercom]

13 Ways To Make Your Partner Feel Important (So Your Relationship Has A Chance)

My husband and I have been together for almost nine years now. Thats almost a third of my life! Although were still madly in love we do have our moments. In particular, when I was in college I was so wrapped up in my own studies, work and our daughter, that my marriage was quickly falling apart and I didnt even notice! My husband, who was also busy with work, did notice and he felt as if I just didnt care about him anymore.

He had valid reason to think so. I spent so much time studying and trying to juggle everything else that I really didnt give him the attention, love and care that he deserved. Eventually, that led to fights and arguments until I understood why he was so mad. I promised myself to make him feel important again, because he is, and were doing better than ever.

Sometimes when youre married for a long time other things take priority over your husband. With kids, work, friends, household chores and responsibilities, along with your own hobbies and interests, your relationship will occasionally fall to the wayside as you spend time doing other things. It happens and thats okay, but if youre not careful, you and your husband may begin to drift apart.

There will be days, sometimes weeks, where youre too busy to go out or even spend quality time together at home. Thats normal, but a prolonged emotional distance and time spent apart can cause some serious relationship damage.

Its crucial to make your loved one feel important on a daily basis if you want your relationship to last. And they should make you feel important, too. Although it can be very easy to make someone feel loved and important, it can also be something thats forgotten if you dont put any effort in at all a difficult lesson I had to learn.

1. Ask him about his day.

After so many years with someone, asking about their day can seem trivial. I mean, dont we already know what they do for work and yadda-yadda? That might so, but taking the time to ask him about his day shows you care and that youre thinking about him.

My husband and I make it a priority to ask one another about our days. Not only do we ask, we actually listen and show interest, and that is key! You have to actually pay attention! And because its something you can do every day over dinner its easy to actually remember to do it.

2. Talk about him.

Its been proven that a persons favorite topic to talk about is themselves, so why not let him? Let him talk about his day, his hobbies, his friends and favorite things. Then ask him questions about those things and keep him talking! Hell love it and think to himself that his wife really cares.

3. Show genuine interest in his passions.

Its great when you and your husband have similar interests; it gives you something to talk about and activities to do together. For example, my husband and I enjoy thrift shopping, going to concerts and browsing art galleries. However, he still has hobbies and interests that I dont share with him and vice versa. He enjoys playing darts, watching documentaries and has a deep love for all things (including the lifestyle) from the mid-century. And I enjoy spending time outdoors, creating art and playing board games.

Although my husband would rather grab a pint at the pub and shoot some pool over hiking, he still joins me now and again for a walk in the woods, and Ill join him for a drink. More importantly, Ill ask him questions about things he enjoys and actually listen. (Remember when I said people like to talk about themselves?)

Even if you dont necessarily care for his passions and hobbies, you should at least show some interest. Nothing makes someone feel more important than when you want to talk about them and the things they enjoy. And who knows? Maybe youll actually find a new hobby or passion in the process. I know I have.

4. Dont criticize or complain.

No matter who someone is, its quite possible they will do things we dont like. Little quirks and habits are things that all couples have to deal with over the years, but at some point there will be something that comes up that you just cant stand. No matter what that is, how you handle it is the important part.

The first thing to do is to try and understand him and his point of view. If its something that you need to talk about it, go ahead and talk about it, but instead of criticizing and complaining make sure to be understanding and forgiving.

5. Let him vent.

Everyone has a bad day now and then, and he will, too. It can frustrating to listen to someone vent their problems but if you want him to feel important you should take the time to listen. Not only that, but try not to invalidate his feelings or even try to solve his problems. Truth is, he just wants someone to listen to him.

6. Show your appreciation.

Did you know people like to feel appreciated? Of course. They like to feel valued, cared about, needed, wanted and loved. One way to show your husband that you feel all of these things is to take note of his good qualities and give him sincere appreciation.

Is he a good cook? Does he always brush the snow off your car in the winter? Or maybe he likes to surprise you with flowers? Dont let the little things go unnoticed!

Showing your appreciation can be done in a number of ways. It can be shown with a hug, in a written note, or a simple kind gesture, but of course, a simple thank you will always do.

7. Show gratitude.

Whenever you find yourself becoming frustrated with your husband try to write out a list of all the things about him that youre grateful for. This list can include whatever you want on it and it will help remind you of all the reasons you love him. Then, from time to time, let him know about the things that youre grateful for.

Does he cook you dinner most nights? Be grateful! Is he a great listener? Be grateful. Does he make you feel special? Be grateful! And dont just write it down, let him know that you are grateful for him. You may think that he already knows, but even still he actually might need to hear the words or be shown, and it will mean the world to him.

8. Be affectionate.

In a newer relationship affection seems to be something that just happens naturally. New couples cant seem to stop touching each other, whether its holding hands or something more. Unfortunately in most cases as the relationship develops couples often stop being as affectionate as when they first started dating.

In my own experience, one of the quickest ways to kill a relationship is to neglect each other physically. Being affectionate with one another will make both of you feel more comfortable and connected, but without it, you may feel distant and cold and not even know why.

There are a lot of different ways to show affection, and its not just about sex. It can be as simple as a good morning kiss, holding hands while walking down the street, or even sitting next to one another on the couch. Not to mention, theres also cuddling, spooning in bed, massaging one another, and joking around.

In order to keep your love and passion alive, and make one another feel important, remember to show your affection regularly!

9. Respect each others opinions.

Most of the couples I know share a lot of the same values and opinions. Still, there are things that two people just wont agree on. It might be something as small as agreeing what the best restaurant is, or even something more serious like who to vote for. Chances are though, that it wont be a complete deal breaker.

When you dont agree with something, the best thing to do is agree to disagree. Fighting about it usually wont change the other persons opinion, it will only make the both of you angry. You can, however, discuss it as long as you respect the other persons opinion, keep an open-mind, be honest and in the end, remember that you are both entitled to your own thoughts and opinions. By showing you respect his opinion, you make him feel important.

10. Accept his family.

There are a lot of jokes in TV sit-coms and in life about parent-in-laws, and thats because people can relate! Sometimes your husbands parents might just infuriate you and your parents might just infuriate him. Still, as his wife, you should really do your best to accept his parents and he yours.

Its important that you try your best to get along, accept them and be respectful. Im not saying that you have to like them, but you do have to tolerate them if you want your husband to feel important. So the next time the in-laws are getting on your nerves, keep your mouth shut.

11. Celebrate his successes.

No matter how big or small that success is, celebrating it with him will make him feel important. Got promoted at work? Celebrate! Passed a test? Celebrate! Won a game? Celebrate!

Nothing says you are important to me like a big ol cake to celebrate a success. Unless, of course, he prefers beer.

12. Give generously.

How amazing does it feel to receive something, whether its someones time or a gift? It makes you feel pretty damn important! If you want to make your husband feel important, try giving generously.

Im not saying you have to go out and buy him a new sports car for his birthday (which would be awesome) but you should try to do nice things for him on the regular.

13. Open up about yourself.

Finally, open up to your husband; open your heart and your mind, and share yourself with him completely. A marriage is different from other relationships and one thing that makes it different is the openness that is shared between the two of you.

There are a lot of different ways to make that special man in your life feel important, but you have to remember to actually do it. And dont forget, they should make you feel important, too!

This post originally appeared at Attract The One.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/13-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-important-so-your-relationship-has-a-chance/

[somedaypast-thesunset]

this weekend was actually okay and something i needed. on saturday i spoke to my landlord who was very aggressive about our deal and it gave me alot f anxiety. i attempted to share this with.. well.. anyone, and it was really isolating. the day before i had spent just a few hours with him and another friend and i felt isolated. saturday evening he decided he wanted to hang out and was really, really excited to share that he had found a cottage he could use this summer. neither me nor my friend was that enthused. both of us have lives that dont reallt include cottages and who knows if he will still be our friend by then. honestly. and he presented this with such excitement, like it would be good news for me. like i would care. like i was supposed to care. i think in a way both my friend and i thought good news wouldve been him wanting to move out of his mothers house. like he had a change of heart and realized what was actually for the best. he stuck on the cottage, repeatedly asking me over the next day or so if i was excited. he said i could go fishing. if i dont, does he bring someone else? but having him in a good mood was much better than usual and made him much more affectionate and nice, which is what i needed to overcome some of my anxiety. not all anxiety can truly be solved on its own. he kept touching me and held my hand and was overall just really nice. it made me comfortable enough to share my landlord situation and surprisingly he had a similar reaction to my own - they had been nice before, they set out the rules im following, theyre just angry they arent getting anything right now by definition of their own rules. he told me it was okay and i didnt need to worry about it because they had resolved to threats and aggression when i never once acted inappropriately. i felt alot better hearing that. weve been very careful not to comment on each others choices but still offer passive opinions. he doesnt like me living with anyone and hes negative about all of my options. but he doesnt tell me outright what to do / what im doing wrong in his eyes. but it felt better to feel justified in my belief that i wasnt crazy for thinking that i was in fact following their rules and procedures. a bit later on he mentioned that i should try for my native status and to me its a very sketchy subject based on almost 100 years of people with a very flimsy story which i imagine is mostly true but there could be serious false parts. thats why i just accept the ancestry my father believed in but dont indulge in it. but its gratifying to hear a random opinion which someone came to on their own regarding my ancestry and their belief in my belief. but he added that i should seek out an aboriginal center that could help me through the process and they should be more than willing to help because ive experienced so much abusive trauma. i felt a bit thrown back by this observation and didnt really reply. i mean, im not insulted or offended. im more genuinely surprised that within his own thoughts he believed i had abusive trauma and he wanted a way for me to cope easier in life. and it wasnt just oh u had trauma, it was 'so much abusive trauma' - very specific, indicating belief that not onlt had i experienced trauma on its own but that it had been willfully inflicted on me in my past. i believe in a way this also refers to the fact i told him what has been unsaid between us but most obvious in our last fight. he is a contributing factor on a semi regular basis to my anxieties and depression because he chooses to be as close as he is in the type of 'relationship' we have but does things like randomly break up or blame things on me. but its up and down, putting me through a cycle and my trust and patience, as thin as it was to begin with, is hanging on by a thread. i do believe he could leave at any moment without deep thought into how it would affect me. and he tries to remain naive or ignorant to the damage he caused; he asks me if i know where random things are or why i havent taken care of our herb garden and i remind him that im not here and im not welcome to do these things or know these things. he pushed me away for almost two weeks and expected things to be exactly as they were like i had left yesterday. i believe, like my ex, my trauma is too large for him. like, its a hard thing to completely encapsulate and see on a single level at once. and its complex emotional abuse - whether purposeful or not by people that may or may not have had control over the situation. i have felt like an observer since i was a baby. like im just watching crazy shit go down over and over again without a real period of content in between it all. in the afternoon, i felt a bit better. i didnt need sympathy or a shoulder to cry on necessarily, but when you feel very isolated, having your existence acknowledged is good. someone knows. they thought about it. i didnt implant it or bring it up. i roller skated for a bit - im sure its like literally 5-10 minutes of skating at a time but to me its kind of amazing im outside on rollerskates at all. and i think its kind of unbelievable to others as well - not that im too lazy, just that ive made an active choice to emerge from things at the best of mt abilities. later i began looking for jobs and apartments, repeating the same routine of the last few weeks but grateful to be in comfort doing it instead of at the library. i began narrowing down my search - i know, i know, i should take all the jobs. any job. put myself on a production line, hand bomb boxes, cut up chicken - but i cant. i cant do it at this point in my psyche. i cannot physically or mentally bare the process of living that way. its incomprehensible to me - im not above it. im not stubborn. im not lazy. but when you barely have the desire to get out of bed and feed yourself and bathe, to create the desire from nothing to go to a factory and pack boxes for eight hours of the day is so much time alone with my mind. its not distracting or challenging enough and ive see. these terrible jobs make normal people depressed so to me it seems like a death sentence. so i began to narrow it down - its been a long journey, acrually. it started months ago when i sat down and sincerely though about the very few things i could believe or want in my life thriugh all the fog and trauma and stress. it was very basic - im kind of a simple person. or maybe im simple among my turmoil. i like animals - but they also can trigger alot of anxiety and emotions that i dont want to deal with on a regular basis on top of having employment to maintain. i like cooking and baking; but all job environments with this are very high stress fast paced places and i am a sloth. not lazy, again, but currently moving at a pace that is the best of my abilities. i like computers but my skills are from 2008 and i dont have the patience or attention span to upgrade them right now. i like, in some ways, cleaning but i dont think its something id want to do everyday of my life. i like caring for the elderly, but again, its a complex job with alot of mental stress. so for the past month or so ive settled on essentially something in horticulture. i like growing things. it brings me a little joy on the inside. i like herb gardens and flowers, i like being outside, i like learning about plants. i began looking for a job in a garden center but they were few and far between and i began to realize that it was still mainly retail. so i applied to landscaping - i could cut grass and weed gardens but its male dominated industry and i dont think my few years of experience doing well, nothing, makes me a their first choice. plus its back breaking and the weather conditions can be terrible. so i looked for jobs as a florist or in a flower shop or maybe just the flower department in a grocery store. it seemed relatively low stress, not incredibly fast paced but something that was always in demand and flowers and maintaining flowers is great. but i began to learn that it required experience, as most jobs do, but as i thought about it i realized perhaps i could be a floral designer. it sounds really.. meh. like a super unimportant job with no real purpose and may e thats okay. it has alot of options; floral shops, weddings, funerals - its an oddly versatile thing that also allows for creativity and an experience of art and a little bit of science. its not complex, but it could be. and it allows for expansion - i could run my own flower shop. its not the most useful trade but its something thats always useable. i hesistantly looked into schooling. it seemed like a random course you took once and they gave you a paper. but a neaeby college has an entire 2 semester course that includes fundamentals of color and design and business plus floral design and other similae things. i say near but its a 2 hr bus ride away. however, its only on saturdays. one day a week for eight months. for curiousitys sake i looked into student loans. my last experience was uncomfortable. despite my best efforts, including calling multiole financial aid offices and sending paper work, i was still messed around and had no idea what to do to fix it. in rhe end i was told it was unlikely student loans would cover my choice; it was an online course in criminal psychology. i felt defeated and turned away from it but looking back now it was a poor attempt to alleviate pressures. so i was weary that osap would cover this course. apparantly school was sketchier than i thiught and the websites were utterly confusing and just asking for money up front. but i continued on, certain that it must work - everyone else manages it. i found the loan calculator and inputted the data. it would be the bare minimum course load thst would count towards getting a loan. it seemed impossible, a course that only happened saturdays that would be covered by a loan. but it recognized the course and calculated based on my assistance i get now, which i know is possible and i know assistance encourages you to do so. it came back as covering my books as well as 9000$+ for living & travelling expenses for the eight months. right now, assistance would allow me a little over 5000$ provided i dont get a job. and thats for living and eating, 300$ a month for rent, 300$ for basic living. at 9000$ i could afford 500-600$ in rent, possibly more if i really wanted to stretch it more so as a loan, when i work, my money isnt deducted. so my shelter costs are covered and at an even higher amount of rent for 700$, i have 300$ still to live on. if i wanted to live alone, that is. having 500-600$ to offer in a roommate situation or towards anything in my future is better than the 300-400$ im looking at now. so i think i want to do this. im going to ask assistance to cover the application fee and im rly hoping i have the one pre requisite course they ask for. it doesnt solve anything right now at all. this is long term think over the next 6-8 months, whicb honestly is scary. im scared by planning so far ahead for myself. and its hard because what if what if what if. but i think its the right thing to do. i dont know if it is. was i ever going to be a famous chef or doctor or office person? probably not. im lucky to exist as i am now. its a reachable goal just outside of my comfortzone and despite the meager amount it seems like theyre giving me, its more than i have had for almost a year now. i believe im ready to handle this, which is funny because its thrown on 18 yr olds eith no life experience but it doesnt matter. a friend has been sort of wanting to be my roommate. its hard to trust her though. and its a really sketchy situation to enter into but financially it would make sense and it would allow me to keep a majority of my comforts. she said she drove around and looked for apartments yesterday and called a few, which is more than ive done. she did show me a few but they were just out of my price range and i wonder if i just wont have enough money to even have a roommate. i also havent had any calls or opportunties for jobs or cash and half of it is my fault. today i could go to contract testing andearn 20$. but ill spend 4$ to get there. i wanted to make it a trip and go to the assistance office too and submit paper work for my application but my desire is not there and im frustrated st myself because i was given a fine weekend. and i need the money; im nearlt short of first & last for 400$ worth of rent, which means i cant even look at 500$ places. i can, however, afford 450$ which is not so bad and i guess i could borrow 100$ from someone if it came down to it, considering my efforts. so 20$ today would sort of go towards living expenses right now and i guess i just.. dont care. i also have to call hydro because i have a past due notice im hoping doesnr translate to final notice? im past due on mt past due and even making the phone call seems daunting. my mornings have become battlefields, mental acrobats of havinf set a plan - even a simple task and fighting myself for several hours about doing it or why or for what purpose. i commend myself, sadly, on the three consecutive days at the library last week. thats actually unheard of in my world, getting up, getting ready and goinf out at almost the same time for three days in a row. then it was the weekend. and now im here. and the weeke d didnt bother me. it didnt cause this, or maybe it did but it doesnt feel like it. im glad to have spent time with him in such a positive way but i guess i have a looming feeling of "well tomorrow i know i wont see him" and ill work out my day alone and eat alone and sleep alone and have all this time because i barely have wifi and no cable and no tv and no movies. its not his fault though. its mt fault. he doesnt have to share his time eith me because i couldnt manage to have wifi. or that i sold my tv. it would be best for me to do the things i planned today. i also havent began cleaning or packing any of my things. i could use boxes. but i kind of want to sleep; i didnt sleep well last night and felt ljke i was up most of the night, having slept alone, and being woken up pretty uncemermoniously at 630am. he explained he was up until 3am working on his project and managed some niceties but dropped me a block from my apt for no real reason. i do scorn myself for not taking initative. these tasks are really fucking simple and crucial to my well being but ill comfort myself with "well, its only this time of day, i can still do this and this later" and its such a poor cop out. i could do it now. the two hours ive been sitting here, couldve done it. but i didnt and i honestlt probably wont and that really makes me such a bucket. its hard feeling down about your depression. but i guess unfortunately im going to start this day again in a few hours and im sure ill be much better off.. or atleast well enough to move from my bed.

[voidbeantm]

edit: apparently readmores just show up as the entire fuckn text on mobile so im sorry okay? i tried to make this as unobtrusive as possible but tumblr apparently wont fckn let me. so just skip this, it’s a cesspool of me just whining, dont let me bring down your day stay hydrated i love you bye

i just realised that i cant watch other sad people. and yeah it’s every bit as horrible as it sounds but i cant. i tried catching up with a certain youtuber’s videos just now and they were just. so sad. and not even like the “regular” sad. the kind of sad i am. all of the time. the tired bored nothing empty sort of sad. i cant watch that. because now im sad. i clawed myself up from what was probably a week-long spiral and now im pretty sure i fell back in a little again. and i feel them i really do. i kind of admire them for pushing themselves and actually trying because all ive done this week is sleep and lie in bed feeling everything and nothing. and maybe i should feel, i dont know, solidarity with them, in knowing that im not alone or something, but i dont. i feel horrible when people are sad. i want to feel horrible. i dont want them to feel sad. but obviously they are. neither of us can really help it that’s kind of the point. maybe im a horrible person for being like that but hey, if our places were switched they would probably think that of themselves too. and that’s the entire problem. watching them is like watching myself. i kind of hate myself. id really not like to watch me. it makes me wonder if i look that sad to other people. because im gonna be honest, i havent been doing so good at pretending on the irl front recently. and i just keep wondering and wondering how fed up my friends probably are of me at this point. ive just been such a pain in the ass this week. and if this sounds horrible and unfair to the youtuber who i basically said i hated because they reminded me of me, it is. but dont hate them. i hate me. i hate that i see so much, too much, of me in them. and im a horrible person for doing this because theyre them and im me. no relation whatsoever.

it’s funny, i watch a lot of overly energetic people who seem to be able to somehow upload every day and never get tired and are always cheerful and i always wonder how they are able to keep it up. obviously they’re not like that all of the time. all youtubers have a certain amount of fabricated persona, it’s just part of being in the public eye. heck i have part of a fabricated persona. everyone does. ive always said that i can’t really connect to these youtubers just because their lives and personalities are just the complete opposite of mine. i can’t ever really get into their heads or really fully relate to them because they’re happy and they have a purpose and they like what they’re doing. and that’s good for them! being happy is a good thing! but i just dont relate to them as people all that much. they’re just people i watch when i want to have a nice fun time to distract myself from the crushing nothingness i feel. a nice escape i guess.

but anyway, i always thought id probably relate to people who were more like me? but this youtuber was probably too much like me. to the point that i couldnt bear to watch me any longer. because then i remember how much i hate me and that basically defeats the point of me going on youtube to distract myself in the first place.

i do actually watch other sad people too. i cant watch them long either. and it really sucks because i genuinely enjoy their videos. they’re not all about being sad. some of them make me think, some of them are just fun. but it isnt really something i would like to consume on a regular or daily basis. i find a day, i watch a load of everything, and then i take time to think about what ive seen and then i leave to distract myself with the happy people again.

man, sad people are just fuckn messed up. you know how they say people don’t like being around sad people because they bring their moods down and would rather be with happy people instead? apparently sad people can’t find camaraderie in other sad people either because if you meet an asshole sad person like me, id also like to see other happy people. man. we are fucking fucked up people.

basically tldr im sad and im projecting this onto someone else and being a ginormous dick in the process goodnight