#genuinely haven’t touched or seen any of that shit in so long but this is just too funny

[mossy-aro]

huh

[angelyuji]

yandere superman headcanons

tw kidnapping, "nice" guys/incel behavior (kinda), isolation as punishment, manipulation, yandere stuff... the usual

yandere clark kent x gn!reader

diana prince is next guys I LOVE WOMEN!!! lemme know abt any tags i miss or just any other superman thoughts (yandere or not) cuz i love superman a lot

hes so big and buff and strong

hhnhsdngnnhnhnngnfhgnnngngn

sorry

ive been obsessed with superman and lois recently and i thought to myself “i need him so bad id do unspeakable things”

ALSOOOOOO have u guys seen the new superman??? ohmygodddd HELLOOO SAILOR

anyway here we go :)

sweetest kindest angel alive… at first glance

actual clark is genuinely the best sweetest guy in the world and i don’t think that would technically change but if anything he’d start buying into the incel/nice guy pills and that’s what would warp him

he’s literally sooo sweet to you (i cant get over how much a of cutie pie clark kent is)

ok pause lemme start from the beginning

when he first met you, he was e n a m o u r e d like he thinks youre the most beautiful person in the world type stuff

at first, the relationship is normal, you guys are friends, study buddies, coworkers, yk normal shit

he’s still super in love but hes kinda aware that its one-sided and he can’t make you like him

you guys are super close friends tho

but as his crush progresses, he starts to consult more than his friends and normal relationship advice, he starts to consult incel chatrooms and subreddits

he wants to go further than friendship with you, but all the guys in these chatrooms are telling him awful things abt u. for example:

‘hi! requesting help for getting out of the friendzone with my friend’ i’ve been friends with them for a long time, but i see them as more than a friend. ive had to watch as they date all these awful people and i just want them to see me more than a friend. any advice is appreciated!

– dude these ungrateful bitches are never gonna see u

– people like them never see the good guy until its too late

– u just gotta make them like u, nobody understands the nice guy until u make them

– all of these responses are so weird, just be normal and flirt a little!

ur stupid fuckign idiot nice guys don’t get a chance till u make them give u chance

women are so fucking stupid

reading all these “helpful” comments really warped his mindset

he went from innocent farm boy to incel misogynist becuz

they have to be right! like why else have u not given him the time of day as more than a friend

so soon, ur gonna notice these changes

he went from being supportive bestie to making snide comments, putting you down, making moves on you that you clearly don’t want

ur hurt, heartbroken, your friend became something unrecognizable

u’ll ask for some distance, just to think abt if u want to continue the friendship and clark will realize that he can’t make you like him from just this

so you’re gonna go home, take a nap, and next thing you know you’re getting snatched from bed by freaking superman

he genuinely believes he’s done the right thing

he’ll bring u to the fortress first. he has everything set up already, so u wont freeze or starve to death

i wont bore with the details but he would NEVER lay a hand on u

that’s NOT my superman

its more like

“i need you to eat something.” clark begs you, his eyes filled with worry. he had crouched down next to where you sat. clark had given you free-reign around his fortress, but you chose to sit in the corner near the entrance.

“fuck you.” you turn away from him, anger dripping from your voice. you haven’t eaten since he brought you to his ice castle, but you can’t remember how long ago that was. you missed home, your friends, your family. you missed freedom. you hear clark sigh.

“you’re gonna get sick if you keep going like this, (y/n).” his hand touches your face and you slap his hand away. you know there was no way you could hurt superman, but he holds his hand looking hurt, and you feel a twinge of guilt. he holds out a bag from Big Belly Burgers and places it next to you.

you scooch back, your back hitting the wall, not willing to back down. “i’ll eat if you let me go.” you feel like a child throwing a tantrum, but you would do anything to go home.

you see him rub his forehead in frustration, “this isn’t working.” he mutters to himself. you don’t say anything, wanting to see what he would do. instead of trying to fight you again, clark picks up the bag. “i’ll come back when you’re ready.” he says.

“come back? what are you talking ab-” in one blast of air, clark was gone and you were alone.

days had gone by, you felt like you were going crazy from the solitude and the hunger. thankfully, clark had left mountains of water bottles for you, so you tried to fill up with those. it wasn’t enough, you had started to miss your kidnapper’s company after many conversations with yourself. all you could do was sleep or stare at the wall, blankly. after a week, you couldn’t take the isolation. “clark?” you call out, weakly. not a moment passes before he appeared before you.

his eyes were filled with pity and worry, “are you ready, sweetheart?” his hands cup your face and you lean into the warmth, nodding.

he could never hurt you. that entire week away was killing him, but the commenters were right. you just needed to know that he was all you needed.

[slow-motionlovepotion]

𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 | 𝒋𝒐𝒆𝒍 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒙 𝒕𝒆𝒔𝒔

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈:  Joel Miller x f!Reader x Tess Servopoulos

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 4.3K

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 18+ - smut, boston-era, age gap (reader fucks two people old enough to be her parents), girl on girl action, a touch of voyerism (joel likes to watch), threesome, bisexual reader, fingering, oral (f!receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it kids), squirting, creampie, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, manhandling, breeding kink, slight cum play, lil' bit of fluff at the end.

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: what happens when Joel comes home early from a run to find Tess fucking you on his bed.

𝒂/𝒏: throws this like a grenade and runs away fast as fucking possible. i can't actually believe i wrote this, it's disgusting i'm sorry. happy pride to my fellow bisexuals. the mommy and daddy issues are strong with this one ~ no beta, we die like men

You’re not sure how this thing with Tess has started. You’re not even sure what this thing is but it’s become a routine, on nights Joel is away, sharing his bed with Tess, her soft lips pressed to your neck as your rut against her fingers.

You’ve noticed her softening in the months you’ve been doing this. There’s a brightness in her eyes that wasn’t there before and her smile is wider, and a little more genuine. To outsiders she’s still the same hardened, take-no-shit Tess but with you, you get to see her, really see her, glimpses of who she might’ve been before.

Slipping into her building under the cover of darkness, Tess is always up waiting for you and she takes no time pulling you to join her in bed, stripping you out of your clothes and making your breath catch in your throat as you whine her name. 

It’s not cheating, not really, since Tess and Joel haven’t really discussed their relationship, that’s what she tells you, that Joel isn't the jealous type anyway. You don’t believe her, you’d seen Joel threaten men for far less. 

He isn’t meant to be back for another day or so, that explains why Tess has your spread on the bed she and Joel share. It smells like him, you notice it every time you’re here and sometimes it’s overwhelming, the woodsy spiced scent of Joel. You’ve wondered, once or twice, if Joel can smell you when he returns, sometimes you’d spend a few nights, once a whole two weeks, sleeping in his bed, your sweat soaking the sheets while Tess buries her mouth between your legs. 

With your back pressed to her chest and her legs wrapped around yours keeping them spread, Tess rubs soft circles over your clit. Your head rolls back, supported by her shoulder as you whine and squirm, desperate for a bit more friction. Joel hasn’t been on any runs for a while so it’s been weeks since you’ve felt someone else's hands on your body. 

“More, please Tess more” you pant, turning your head to mumble into her neck, already half gone. Tess slides her hand further, slipping her fingers through the wetness gathering at your entrance.  

“All for me?” Tess teases, she loves you like this. All pliant and pretty for her. You nod and she feels it against her throat. “So pretty sweetheart. All for me” It’s possessive, all for her, she knows you don’t do this with anyone else, not anymore. 

Tess pushes two fingers into you, long fingers that reach that spot inside better than your own can 

“Oh, yes” you hiss, your orgasm approaching rapidly. She swipes her thumb over your clit as she crooks her fingers sinfully, rubbing that soft spongy spot that makes you see stars, coaxing your orgasm closer and closer.

You hear a faint jangle of keys from the hallway outside, it can’t be Joel, probably just a neighbour, you think, Tess wouldn’t risk having you here if there was even a possibility Joel would be returning, would she? 

The front door is thrown open and you hear heavy footsteps crossing the small apartment before the impossibly large body of Joel fills the bedroom entrance, dropping his bag heavily when he’s greeted by the sight of you and Tess on his bed.  

Your impending orgasm is lost with the interruption and you whine pathetically at the loss and at the embarrassment of being caught like this. You try to bring your legs together, hide your glistening cunt from Joel’s view but Tess keeps you pinned in place, doesn’t even falter, she slows but does’t completely stop the gentle prod of your g-spot. 

“Shit” you mutter under your breath, burying your face further into Tess’ neck, unable to even look at Joel, heat creeping up your cheeks, making you feel hot all over. 

You feel Tess’ hand grip into the back of your hair, turning your face to look at Joel. You try to resist but you know when she means business, your eyes meet Joel’s face and you see something unspoken pass between the two of them as his features darken before he makes eye contact with you.

“Don’t stop on my account, finish her off” Joel’s gravely voice sounds tight, like you’re in trouble.

You bring your hand down between your legs, trying to push Tess’ fingers from your cunt, shaking your head as much as her grip on your hair allows 

“C’mon sweetheart, be a good girl. Show Joel how pretty you look when you come” Tess’ fingers speed up their motions, withdrawing from your heat before slipping back in, the pads of her fingers hitting that spot every time.

You can feel Joel’s eyes on you, watching with interest as he props himself up against the divider, thick arms crossing over his broad chest. The sight makes you clench around Tess and she laughs softly in your ear “You like it when he watches?” nudging at your jaw with her nose, prompting you to answer 

“Yes” it’s breathy and quiet, barely audible over the sound of the wet slick of your cunt around Tess’ fingers 

You’re unable to tear your eyes from Joel because, fuck, he looks good. You’ve always thought he was attractive, in a rugged old-enough-to-be-your-dad kinda way. Your eyes trail from his arms, down the softness of his belly until your eyes land between his legs, even in the dim light the obvious stretch of his jeans over a more than generous hardness is evident. You feel Tess release her grip on your hair, hand finding yours to push it back down your body, your fingers joining hers between your legs. You take the silent instruction, tracing the tips of your fingers over your throbbing clit, eyes closing at the feeling.

“Mm-mm, eyes here” You hear from Joel, opening your eyes to find him tracing the thick line of his cock with his thumb, gripping the head through the denim of his jeans, a hard breath leaving him. 

Your eyes track the movement of his hand and you imagine what he might look like with that hand wrapped around his cock, stroking in time with Tess’ fingers. Fuck, the image sends a throb through your walls and you hear Tess’ breath hitch behind you 

“Close” you whisper, hooking your free hand back around Tess’ neck, bringing her closer.

“I know sweetheart” Tess speeds up her thrusts, fucking into you as you roll your hips down onto her hand, your own fingers rubbing tight circles on your clit. Your back is sweaty against her chest, your hair sticking to the back of your neck. 

“C’mon sweetheart, you’re right there I can feel it” and you are, your release sparking, flickering with each invasion of Tess’ digits, you need something more, something to ignite the burn settled low in your abdomen. 

“Come for us” Joel commands you at the same time you feel Tess sink her teeth into the flesh of your shoulder and you’re not sure which of them lights the match but you’re coming. Heat spreads down your thighs, your back arching in a way that’s pornographic and the groan you let out rattles deep in your chest. You flood around Tess’ fingers as she continues pushing you through your orgasm and when she wrenches her fingers from your cunt something inside you bursts, a scream torn from you as you soak Joel’s bedsheets. 

Fuck, you’ve never done that before, you roll your face into the crook of your arm, hiding yourself away from Joel’s intense stare, shame tightening a knot in your stomach. You’re barely able to support your own head with the energy your orgasm ripped from you. Your whole body trembles as Tess soothes you, trailing her damp fingers up and down the skin of your thigh. 

“Pretty, isn’t she?” Tess murmurs from behind you as calloused fingers cup your jaw, turning your head to meet Joel’s gaze and he’s so close, one knee on the bed, right in the middle of the wet spot you’d made and he obviously doesn’t care about your cum soaking through the fabric of his jeans. 

“So pretty, could watch that all day” Joel all but growls, it’s low and deep and there’s a tinge of desperation that sounds good on him. 

He roams his eyes down your body, releasing your jaw and bringing his hands to slide two thick fingers through your soaked folds, meeting your eyes again as he slips them gently into your cunt “You always cum like that or was that all for me?” 

There it is again. All for me. Possessive. You’re a possession, you belong to Tess, and apparently by extension, Joel. 

“For you” you moan. Not all for him, for Tess as well, it was her fingers after all. Although with the way he’s stretching you around his fingers and pumping slowly you might come again, this time all for him. You reach for Tess, clutching at her as she continues the ghosting trail up and down your thighs. Joel notices how your fingers entwine with hers and he turns his attention to her. 

You hear the wet sounds of a kiss and a soft breath leave Tess’ chest, you can’t see, squeezed between them as Joel fingers continue their pleasure. When they separate you sense Joel whispering something in Tess’ ear but you don’t catch it. Then Tess brings her lips down, brushing your sweaty hair out the way and what she says makes you melt 

“What do you say sweetheart, you want Joel to fuck you?” You whine and buck your hips, almost frantic at the prospect

“Yes, yes please” you feel Tess nod against your ear and see something glint in Joel’s eyes.

You think about reaching for him, slipping your fingers under the buckle of his belt and dragging him to you but you quickly accept you’re not in charge here. Maybe next time. Or not, there’s not going to be a next time, Jesus you’re not entirely convinced Joel isn’t going to kill you after this. Tess may be in charge but you’ve seen Joel go off the rails more than once, he’s a dangerous man. 

Joel reaches for his buckle, making quick work of the leather and denim, and boxers you notice, when he comes back to the bed wearing nothing but his faded blue shirt. You do reach for him then, working the buttons much faster than you expected with your shaky hands, eventually his shirt hangs open, greying hair hiding the scars littering his body. 

Tess keeps your legs spread, lifting them higher to allow Joel to settle between them. You’re surrounded, Tess behind you, Joel in front of you and you don’t know how you feel but you do know that being shared by them feels right. 

“You ready for him sweetheart?” Tess whispers against your ear. When you nod your head Tess tsks “Ask him” 

“Joel please, want you” Joel brushes the thick head of his cock over your entrance, letting it rest heavily against your clit

“Again” Tess orders 

“Please, fuck please fuck me, want your cock Joel. Need it, wanna feel you-” Joel silences your begging with a sharp thrust, sheathing his length into your wet heat. The sound you make is filthy, and fuck, he’s big. 

“Breath sweetheart, it’s a lot, I know, but you can take it” Tess presses soft kisses down your neck and along your shoulder. You blindly reach behind you, desperate for another anchor, something familiar and grounding and when you feel Tess' hair running through your fingers you pull gently. 

“So good, taking me so well” Joel moans above you “so fucking tight for me”

For me. You tug lightly on Tess’ hair, stretching your neck up to meet her lips in a soft kiss. 

Joel starts moving when your lips meet, jostling you slightly, pushing you further into her and she takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, licking into your mouth when you gasp as Joel forces himself back into you. 

“Feel good sweetheart?” Tess questions between quick kisses and you nod, whining a barely coherent answer. Joel sets a ruthless pace, thrusting himself in and out harshly, pressing your sweaty body between Tess and his own. 

You want more, need more, from them both. You make the split second decision to move, pushing him off you. Rolling yourself over and settling yourself between Tess’s thighs you push your knees up underneath you, raising yourself up for Joel. 

You waste no time, peppering soft kisses on the inside of her thighs. You can feel Joel’s knees settling around yours, his hand resting on your hip but he moves no further, watching the back of your head work between his lover's legs. You reach her core, immediately licking into her, nosing at her clit. His eyes flick to Tess when she gasps, he can hear a soft hum come from you and feels you nudge your hips back into his. 

Gripping his cock, he pushes the head between your lips, and god, you’re so wet, there’s little resistance as he sinks in. 

Joel pulls your knees out from underneath you until you’re flat, straddling your thighs and thrusting himself back in. You whine and he stutters, dropping his forehead to your shoulder, “Fuck darlin’, so fuckin’ tight” you squeeze tighter around him that it’s almost painful, “Christ” Joel moves, almost by instinct, ploughing himself into you roughly, he’s little restraint, watching Tess writhe beneath you, your tongue flicking repeatedly at her clit. 

Joel’s pace rocks through your entire body and you start to lose focus, panting around Tess’ clit as you try to control your moans. You can’t, can’t focus on anything other than the burn of Joel’s cock splitting you open. You pull back from Tess, bumping your forehead against Joel’s, getting his attention. When he raises his head you kiss him, you know he can taste Tess on your lips and you realise this is the first time you’re kissing the man currently buried in your cunt. 

Joel chases your lips when you pull away but you guide him gently where you really want him, arousal flooding through you when Joel lowers his mouth to Tess’ cunt, flicking his tongue in lazy, sloppy circles. Resting your head against her thighs you can feel her twitch with every pass of his tongue. You force yourself to keep your eyes open, to watch, as Joel continues to drive into you, never even faltering in his thrusts. 

A soft plea of your name pulls you from a bubble of bliss, when it’s repeated you realise it’s Tess, you stroke your hand down her thigh, letting her know you hear her

“Fingers, please sweetheart, your fingers” Joel hears her too, shifting his attention to her clit, allowing you to slip your fingers into the wet heat of her cunt. The muscles in her thigh tense against your cheek and you know her tells, you know that means she’s close. 

You can feel your own orgasm building steadily, each thrust of Joel pushing you closer to the waves that threaten to crash over you. You suppress it as much as you can, heavy eyes watching as Joel feasts. You glance up at Tess, expecting to see her head thrown back, what you don’t expect is to find her watching. Watching the way Joel is buried between both her thighs and yours, the way he works at her clit, eyes closed, the lines permanently etched on his face softened as he enjoys it. 

“Fuck” Tess mutters as both you and Joel work her to release, her hands fist into his hair and her hips rock onto your fingers “like that, yeah like that, Joel fuc-” and Tess whines, a gasp of your name leaving her lips as well. Joel doesn’t let up, continuing his assault on her clit and when you remove your fingers he laps at the wetness leaking from her. Her legs fall slack against the bed, the soft curve of her stomach rising and falling with her panting breaths. 

“Your turn darlin’, wanna feel you come round my cock” Joel grumbles into your ear and before you can respond his hands are under your arms, hauling you up Tess’ body, propping you up on your knees between her spread legs as he slides back into your heat. Tess’ lips find yours, catching your gasp when she slips her fingers between your legs. She avoids your clit, instead just resting her fingers at your entrance, feeling how you stretch around him.

It’s overwhelming, two sets of hands on your body, the feel of Joel’s hips meeting yours, and the new angle of his cock hitting just right. You can feel something building, it’s a different kind of pressure, each time Joel withdraws you feel like you could burst and every time he thrusts back in the pressure tightens. 

The constant cycle of almost release is punishing, your whines pitching higher and higher with every thrust. Your legs are shaking and you’ve given up kissing Tess, choosing instead to rest your sweaty forehead against hers. 

Joel doubles his efforts at your sounds, a firm hand pushing your lower back into an arch, tilting your hips to allow you to take him even deeper.

“Fuck Joel, fuck, I-” you what? You don’t even know, it’s too much but you want more and you don’t know how to tell him that. The sound coming from your coupling is dirty, slapping skin and wet, so wet. 

“Wa’s goin on huh?” Joel pants from behind you “Gonna come darlin’?” 

“I- I don’t know” you pant, panic rising in your chest at the unfamiliar feeling.

Joel hums behind you and you can hear his smirk. He fucks into you three more times before withdrawing completely and you go into shock, legs trembling violently, hips raising and you’re gushing, your wet release drenching the mattress between your knees

“Shit darlin’” Joel groans as you squirt, eyes locked on your pulsing cunt “Makin such a mess” He slips back into you, thrusting hard and fast and you’re on a high, each thrust pushing you even higher and higher. This time Joel doesn’t pull out, instead the pressure of your release forcing him out against his will.

You hear him growl behind you, fingers gripping your hips, holding your boneless body as he fucks back into you. You can feel Tess whispering praise in your ear but you can’t actually hear what she’s saying over the ringing in your ears. 

Her hands gently hold you up, her breath hot against your neck as you clutch at her arms, nails digging into her flesh so hard that if you were more conscious you’d be concerned about drawing blood. 

“One more darlin’, one more f’me c’mon” Joel’s slurring above you, thrusts faltering. You shake your head, feeling thoroughly fucked out despite the heat of a more familiar orgasm building. You don’t have the energy to fight it and you relax into it, cunt pulling him deeper, tightening around him. Tess nudges your jaw and you lift your head to meet her eyes. 

“You can do it sweetheart” she pushes your damp hair out of your face, bringing your mouth to meet hers and it’s sweet, a stark contrast to the way Joel’s pounding into you from behind. 

Joel’s grip on your hip tightens in warning and he starts babbling

“Look at ya, takin it so fuckin well. Such a pretty little cunt. So fuckin tight, don’t understand how you can still be so fuckin tight. Gonna be good for me, need you to come one more time, one more time darlin and I’ll fill you up” You don’t know who his babbling is for but you tighten further at his words, your orgasm sparking.

“Yes yes, fuck yes Joel please” you know you’ve never wanted anything more

“Yeah, y’gonna take it? Lemme fill you up n’ fuck a baby into you?” That’s it, that’s what breaks you, pleasure ripping through your body so hard it’s painful and you sob, tears flowing and chest heaving, mumbling incoherent nonsense as Joel continues to fuck into you.

“Good girl tha’s it. Gonna fill you up, leave you leaking” you can hear how tight his voice is, deep and gravelly and desperate. With a final thrust he buries himself as deep as possible, nudging at your cervix and it’s just the right side painful. “Fuck” You feel him swell as he comes, your abused cunt stretched around him, his fingers digging into your hips already leaving bruises. 

Keeping his grip firm on your hips he kneels back, pulling you with him until you're pressed against him. He slips a hand between your thighs, brushing your oversensitive clit and you whine in protest. “No more, please” 

“Okay, no more” He chuckles darkly “You did good, didn’t she do good?” he directs his question at Tess and she nods with a smirk

“She did” Warmth blooms in your chest at her praise and the tired smile she has on her face.

You can feel Joel soften inside you and you already miss the feeling, that is until you feel him slip out, followed by the wet heat of his release. You gasp at the feeling, you’ve never had anyone finish inside you before and it’s not entirely unpleasant. You kneel up, cum still leaking from you, adding to the mess on the bed sheets between your legs. 

Tess is watching, eyes glazed as she sits up to run her finger through the sticky mess of your cunt before bringing it to her mouth, sucking with an obscene moan and a roll of her eyes. She pulls your lips to hers, licking into your mouth, you can taste yourself and Tess and something unfamiliar that must be Joel. Joel’s cock twitches against your backside and you’re both surprised and concerned, you can’t go again, your body is absolutely done, and thankfully Tess pulls away, a final chaste kiss before she addresses Joel 

“Bill have what you went for?” she asks, her eyes dropping to damp curls between your legs

“Yeah” Joel breathes. 

You don’t know what they’re talking about but you’re tired and your head feels fuzzy, ears still ringing and you need to lie down. Your knee brushes the wet spot as you move and you freeze “Shouldn’t we change th-”

“‘ll do it t’morrow” Tess mumbles, eyes flicking to the empty bed next to her expectedly and you join her without question. Joel moves then, coming to lay on your other side as Tess pulls you into her, wrapping her arm around your waist, always the big spoon.

Joel pulls the duvet that had fallen to the floor during your activities, throwing it over you all, immediately closing his eyes. You’re so tired, eyes feeling heavy but you don’t want to sleep yet. You want to soak this up, still unconvinced it’s not just a one time thing.

“What are you doing?” Joel mumbles, eyes closed but definitely still awake

“Nothin’” you lie, you’re watching him, basking in this sleepy-guard-down Joel, for only the second time since you’ve known him he doesn’t look like he’s on the verge of killing someone. 

“Then go to sleep” he groans but turns his head towards you, his hand finding your knee, bringing it up to hook over his thigh, a silent acknowledgment of affection. 

This, this playfulness with Joel, has seemingly come out of nowhere and the realisation has your jaw dropping. 

“You knew” you state and Joel fucking smiles. You feel Tess’ smirk through the kisses to you shoulder and all of a sudden you feel incredibly thick 

“You told him?” you ask

“He’s known the whole time” she confirms

“You spent two weeks living in my apartment, wearing my clothes and fucking on my bed, the whole place smelt like you when I got back” you bury your face into the pillow at his observation, you’d hoped he wouldn’t notice one of his T-shirts was missing but you feel the heat rising for a different reason when you wonder if he fucked Tess on bedsheets that smelt like you. 

“You planned this?” you ask over your shoulder and Tess just hums with a smile “You could’ve just asked me” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” she laughs, and you don’t think you know a more lovely sound than Tess laughing. Joel’s hand squeezes your knee under the covers and you know he thinks the same too.

Tess mumbles something like ‘going the fuck sleep’ into your hair and it’s not even a minute before her breathing slows and her arm around your middle becomes a dead weight. 

As if the night wasn’t full of enough surprises, Joel’s fingers brush your jaw and when you open your eyes he’s watching you. 

“This was a big deal for her. She didn’t wanna scare you off.”

You hum quietly, “Didn’t scare me off, could never” your speech is slurred, exhaustion quickly taking over

“I said no, at first, you make her happy and I didn’t wanna screw this up” that’s unexpected, honesty and vulnerability from Joel.

“Wait, we could’ve been doin’ this for longer?” Joel huffs a laugh in response, it’s genuine and the sound makes you feel fuzzy. “Guess we’ve got some catchin’ up to do” you mumble, you don’t register what Joel says in response, far too focused on what he’d said before.

‘You make her happy’ 

Happy is something you hadn’t been in a long time and you suspect, something Tess and Joel have been missing too. You make her happy, you’ve renewed her, pulling laughs and smiles with ease. 

What’s that Fireflies saying ‘when you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light’

That’s you. You’re the light. Tess started a fire within you and she’s been basking in the glow and now she wants to share your light with Joel and you’ll gladly let her. 

𝐉𝐎𝐄𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

[jadecantcreate]

curse of strahdanya has officially taken over my brain! alongside arcane…season two is SO GOOD SO FARR please go watch it if you haven’t. holy shit yall it does not disappoint

spoilers for up to and the entirety of episode 7 of cos — ill mainly be talking about character dynamics (mostly shepnax) but major events and plot developments will be explicitly discussed as well, so, if you’re not there yet, please don’t keep reading (getting spoilered for this stuff is not worth it i promise)

im sorry in advance. im not even done writing everything yet and its already very long

the way i see it, episode 7 is a major turning point for not only the whole story but inter-party relationships as well. i’ll be organizing this a little bit so it’s less text-wall-y (hopefully)

shepherd

there’s the raven mother they find nailed to the wall — the culprit being strahdanya. this definitely fueled the hate that all of the party had for her, but especially shepherd. he literally screams out in anguish and, later, calls strahdanya a coward and bitch — something we’ve never seen shepherd do before.* i think the events in the beginning of ep 7 is what really cemented his and the party’s objective: destroy strahdanya. before, i sensed some kind of ‘wiggle room’: the party would be willing to work with her a bit, though only for a very short amount of time and would probably backstab her. but after witnessing all that? strahdanya is irredeemably evil, not worthy of consideration / sympathy / courtesy, and i think it finally fully dawned on them all

*i also love how much raw emotion shepherd expresses throughout the campaign. the rest of the party has their moments too (i can immediately think of kana and victoria, but im not remembering any significant ones for clayton or sarnax though i know they exist), but shepherd consistently reacts to the hellhole that is barovia in such a genuine way that it grounds the whole narrative and, to me, makes barovia that much more horrifying. in other stories or discussions of stories ive seen like this (and even in the cos party itself), the characters are largely untouched by the horrors that occur in such a setting. which, fit the characters/purpose as it might, distances the audience at least a tiny bit from the happenings of the narrative. but when you have an otherwise grounded, calm, capable individual like shepherd crack? that’s when it really hits you i think. like, the whole thing with sarnax reviving the mother? shepherd being so relieved and overcome with a multitude of feelings that his voice cracks as he holds back tears, begging the mother to rest and not do any work? it made me feel the same way, and it really drove home how wonderful this act is and how dire their situation is. shepherd (and andy by extension!) have drawn the most emotion out of me in my watch, and its possibly the main reason i enjoy his character so much

him being seemingly chosen by the silver dragon (which, again, another turning point) is very compelling in a narrative sense too because shepherd doesnt want power, he doesn’t seem to even like the idea of leading (or at least being pushed into a position of leadership). i’ll touch on it later in the shepherd and sarnax segment (if i dont forget lol, my mind is running wild while i write this)

victoria

i think strahd’s infatuation with her and the physical effects it has (kana’s cleansing ritual failing because the water becomes blood as it touches victoria) is so interesting, especially her inner conflict with her heritage and wickedness (and the distrust it sows between her and the party, at least initially)

i really enjoyed how victoria was vulnerable with kana, and how kana handled it with such care and compassion. this is also a turning point, i think, when it comes their relationship: kana promises to protect victoria, and victoria promises to fight the darkness within her; they definitely got closer after that, and their bond was deepened. i dont imagine strahd would be very happy about victoria not being enamored by her and being helped by her party, though it’s very possible that she enjoys ‘the chase’ (for the lack of a better term)

when they came across the dusk elf in the order of the silver dragon estate-thing, it’s a pretty clear parallel to victoria given her appearance, heritage, and reason for being in barovia. i could be very very wrong about this but its heavily implied victoria’s elf half is a dusk elf, which makes sense considering, again, that she’s in barovia to learn about her lineage and that dusk elves are the only elves mentioned so far. i think this is the first time she’s genuinely made progress in her goal

sarnax

sarnax’s identity revolves around gherix: his whole life is devoted to the fire lord; he’s used to communing with and praying to his god. it’s likely what kept him going in such a terrible place with such terrible odds of survival, let alone returning (which he’s convinced he will not). so when strahdanya intercepted the augury spell he was so clearly shaken. it was one of the few moments, if not the only one, where sarnax was in genuine, utter panic — the whole time shepherd repeatedly asked him if he was alright and he didn’t seem to hear those words at all. suddenly he learned that strahdanya could damage or possibly sever his connection to his god, the being his life is centered around. (kana’s comment certainly didn’t help)

but what happens after — the augury spell reading ‘weal’ and sarnax being able to revive the mother — strengthens his faith. it was tested, but he prevailed. i think he was also filled with a newfound sense of purpose, knowing that, no matter what strahd does, his god considers him worthy enough

about him and kana: episode 7 is the culmination of their slow development towards not only tolerating each other’s beliefs but to understand and embrace them, specifically with kana saying that she trusts in sarnax and his god

sarnax and shepherd

the conversation between them was my favorite moment in this episode by far. there are so many layers,

shepherd so clearly doesnt want to embody his namesake and be a leader, but the silver dragon and someone he trusts so much — sarnax — and fate itself push him in that direction, so he just does. shepherd says:

“sarnax don’t”

“no why would you-“

“why- why- why would you put this on me, why?”

“how can you say that?”

“this was just a job. i mean this was just to make sure we all got here and back safely…how did this happen?”

then, later…

“alright, alright i…okay. i…dont know what to say”

“alright…alright…okay, understood”

“sure, sure. lead the way” and, after sarnax says “no, shepherd. you lead the way, i will light the path,” “…fine.”

essentially, he sucks it up. and that’s interesting to me since shepherd shows so much emotion, so it’s clearly not a ‘men dont cry’-type ideology thing. i think it’s probably related to his desire to do good, and as well as the good doc. after all, the doc gave him his virtue name: shepherd. it only makes sense that he would be written by fate as one: a person who guides the lost through the darkness. so that’s my guess as to why he so readily accepts this burden

i think sarnax being the one to say this also played a role in it^. shepherd witnessed firsthand the power of gherix and sarnax’s wisdom, so much so that he prayed to gherix. shepherd, who was originally averse to anything religious, prayed. and i also think sarnax is shepherd’s only true friend in the party. his relationship with clayton, victoria, and kana feels like professional acquaintances — they’re comfortable with each other and certainly growing closer, but he seeks out sarnax (and sarnax does too) and both have called the other a friend or good friend, on more than one occasion for shepherd and at least one for sarnax. it’s obvious that shepherd values what sarnax has to say and cares for him.

because of that, sarnax saying that he will die in barovia (specifically that he doesn’t “believe [he has] a place back in avantris” and that “whatever it is that [they] achieve here will be [his] end” because he has “seen it in the flames”) and shepherd’s reaction hits even harder for me.

shepherd says “i’m not gonna leave you. i’m not gonna leave anyone.”

and sarnax replies “then it will be i that leaves you.”

it’s the shortest exchange, but it holds so much weight. sarnax has accepted his fate, possibly long before this. but when before sarnax took charge and led the group, shining his light, he steps back, realizing shepherd is the one who (he thinks) fits that role. he still guides, but he doesn’t lead, and he believes shepherd should. but shepherd doesn’t. shepherd’s used to following orders, as we see so many times with him and clayton (but also him and sarnax), and struggles to make decisions for the group — when they ask him where they should go, shepherd seemingly blanks and he just picks whatever as fast as he can (to get the pressure off him, i assume). and despite this, shepherd’s line reinforces what sarnax thinks: a good shepherd doesn’t leave his sheep behind, he goes after and, well, shepherds them.

and honestly the whole relationship between shepherd and sarnax. them being regarded as monsters by others, being dehumanized by, for example, vascha [?] thinking shepherd is a devil and esmeralda calling sarnax shepherd’s pet ->

shepherd answers, understably upset, “he’s not my pet, he’s a person!” i figured sarnax felt the same way, but when he was praying to gherix, he referred to shepherd as “a vessel for [gherix’s] wrath.” so that raised a question to me: does sarnax truly care for shepherd (in the way shepherd does), or does he view him as a tool? it’s interesting to think about. it could be him truly caring about shepherd and seeing him as a capable person who will have a great role in his god’s plans which, i imagine, is among the highest of honors — the first possibility in the question, but filtered through the lens of sarnax’s religious perspective (which i think is the most likely and most compelling)

and there’s the parallel with them being connected to gold and silver dragons: different, but the same. (unrelated tangent but there’s also a very interesting parallel between shepherd being chosen by the silver dragon [‘good’] and victoria being chosen by strahdanya [‘bad’])

sarnax saying “silver will unite with gold” is, on the surface, about the two dragon-gods involved in the story. but i think, on a deeper and probably unintended level, it also applies to shepherd and sarnax growing closer (as they have been since the prologue, following in the footsteps of their respective dragons, and shepherd connecting the two dragons by his faith in gherix and affinity to the silver dragon.

i think that’s everything! hopefully i wont post this and immediately remember something i didn’t mention

thank you for reading all of this <33

[infraaa]

Heyyy, it's me again! I was thinking, With Longan's dominate and evil nature, how would he feel about a innocent & sweet reader whos just the nicest to everyone! (Even a very big and wise dragon) 👉👈 thank you, you're the best! <3

『congrats, welcome back infra to ✨Longan Brainrot©️ ✨ anyways I’m now starting a psychology project on longan which that may or may not be for uni… I’ll post it here maybe. let’s get back to the shit show 😔💅❤️』

longan dragon cookie w an innocent, shy s/o 『gn! assumed』

tw ish // this shouldn’t be new to you but longan is a rude lil fuck, cynically through the roof, so expect some ✨casually thrown insults✨

So… how did you manage to be favored by this one again? We can’t recall. Plays tv static…

Seriously, not when you knew how you attracted this dragon, this dragon that’s hellbent on killing off all cookies. Nevertheless you were spared. You were just a regular cookie…

But even with the constant thought of them being able to snap your neck with a twist of their fingers, you sit comfortably in their palace, roaming around with a certain fuchsia dragon floating along at your side.

You wore their robes that they spared for you comfortably and with grace. Along your neck was a beautiful golden necklace with gems of dark hickory amber and silver.

You were expected to have tea with them. This never bothered you, but every time you thought of them, your cheeks would raise to a gentle rouge. Just yesterday, they blew cigarette smoke in your face, offended by you. But even so, they still raised a dangerous hand to your cheek, gentle touches, soft whispers…

Lychee would often giggle at these often seemingly empty remarks from the great Ivory Dragon, little did the two of you know that this wasn’t just to test you…

You see, Longan secretly enjoyed your shy nature. The way you would react to them intrigued them. You were just a tool to them in their plan and yet… they became mystified by you.

You sat in a chair across from them, a soft blush still adorning your features… on the outside they show barely any emotion.

“Weakling.”

They refused to call you by your name. Yet you answer calmly. You poor thing…

They collected you from your village once after they successfully purged it of those pointless crunchy beings that tried to fight them. Not been Lychee knew why they took you. But they did know one thing.

You were incredibly polite natured. Selfless— submissive, even.

Something that Longan took a guilty pleasure in. Seeing you respond to them and Lychee without question or any defiance. It made them… happy… something they haven’t felt in what felt like decades.

“My robes fit you quite nicely, little weakling.”

Another token of submission to force you down— their robes. They want you to wear them. Ones of silk. Fine embroidery of clouds sewn delicately with intricate fibers… oh, it was beautiful.

They would smile inwardly paying no outward mind to your (cute) annoying whines. Your (delightful) insufferable facial expressions when they would come close. See a part of them wanted to see how far this innocence of yours would keep. How far this niceness of yours would stand.

For as long as they have managed to live for, they knew that such emotions could be feigned— faked. Yet amen they see what seems to be genuine care about their well-being through the abilities of the necklace they forced around your neck as the last thread of your life, they wondered…

‘That little weakling… although they are at most… annoying… they… must be worth something more than just to be a puppet.’

Slowly but surely, Longan opens up like a slow budding flower, allowing you to see a side to them that no other living thing has seen.

Affection. Equality. Equal Loyalty. Care.

It was like a syrup, your sweet nature to their cold, ruthless exterior. And it drove them crazy.

You were to be treated as an equal by the other dragons, and often refused anything less. If they got something, you were to also get that something of equal value.

They loved you. You poor little treasure.

And they showed it in dirty ways… which we won’t get into here, I’ll let your imaginations run wild…~ 🧡😘

[de4thparty]

Bitch bffr you're such a hypocrite. Why are you so obsessed with making Keiji a villain you're literally a Midori apologist. "Grown man burdens teenage girl with the lives of several strangers including himself even after the traumatic death of her best friend" Where??? Just say you hate him there's no need to make shit up.

1) First of all do fandoms actually still use the term apologist when referring to fictional characters or have you just woken up after falling into a coma in 2020 I haven’t seen that in a long time but I might be out of touch. Second of all you are either making things up to get mad about or grossly misinterpreting one of my posts because when have I ever unsarcastically defended Midori for any of the actual bad things he's done. I do think he’s mischaracterized but not in the sense that I think he did nothing wrong I've never said that. Midori is a frustrating character to discuss in this fandom because of people who dismiss or belittle any interpretation in which he is not a one-dimensional abuser. I think the fact that a lot of yttd fans think it would be a better writing decision for Midori to be a total freak outlier in the cult that grooms children into violence rather than a nuanced character just like everyone else is weird and speaks to a tendency to pick and choose which characters deserve complexity based on how likable they are. He’s a bad person but like he obviously wasn’t born with his own ideology I don't think it's a stretch to assume Asunaro had something to do with the way he turned out

2) I literally am not obsessed with that. Majority of my posts on here are stupid sprite memes or unsolicited Midori thoughts so I’m not sure where you got that from. I made a single post about Keiji and Sara’s dynamic back in December in which I never once called him a villain all I said was I find it odd that people ignore the fact he’s a grown man placing burdens on a grieving teenage girl for the sake of interpreting their relationship as father-daughterly. It doesn’t even matter if he didn’t intend any harm or if his care for her eventually becomes genuine if you can’t even acknowledge there was harm done in the first place. (Also what do you mean “where” ? I gave 2 examples in that post which I’m assuming you must have read since you quoted it.) What makes Keiji an uncompelling character to me is that he gets away with a lot of things other characters are condemned for, both within the story and in the fandom, and even when his actions are condemned by the narrative the fandom still finds a way to excuse them. For example Keiji killing Megumi is portrayed as a bad thing in the game you’re not supposed to see it and be like “yeah she was such a bitch Keiji did nothing wrong” yet a worrying amount of yttd fans seem to unironically believe this. It’s not that I believe Keiji is an irredeemable monster or that Midori is a better person than him but there are clearly some biases in the way they’re portrayed in fanon. They’re both watered down just in opposite ways. I do dislike Keiji his vibe is horrendous and he’s blonde but those are my own personal feelings I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong for liking him

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers CHAOS LINEAGE ー Subaru [13]

Monologue

I headed towards the dungeon,

following Azusa-kun’s lead.

With quiet steps and holding our breaths,

so nobody would take notice of us.

All while Subaru-kun was the only thing on my mind. 

...Please, let him be safe.

ー The scene shifts to the dungeon

Azusa: Eve...We’re here. Subaru’s over there...

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Subaru: Yui, is that you?

*Cling*

Yui: Subaru-kun, thank god! You’re safe and sound...!!

( From what I can tell, they haven’t done anything particularly cruel to him. Thank god, I genuinely am so glad! )

Subaru: I’m totally fine. More importantly, how have things been on your end? They haven’t done anything bad to you, right?

Yui: Yeah...I’m alright as well. I mean, Azusa-kun - who is in charge of watching over me - is the one who brought me here.

Subaru: Azusa did...

Azusa: ...

Uhm, if they ask, I don’t know nor have I seen anything...Not about Eve coming down here either...

So...I’ll wait outside...

Subaru: Azusa...

Yui: Thank you, Azusa-kun...!

Azusa: ...Yeah.

ー Azusa steps outside

Yui: I guess he left to stand watch in case somebody were to come down here.

Subaru: Probably.

Yui: I’m not sure why, but Azusa-kun has really been helping us out.

Subaru: ...Yeah. Anyway, how did you convince him?

Yui: I figured I had nothing to lose and just straight up asked. Saying that I wanted to meet you.

I truly am glad we were able to meet like this. I couldn’t help but be anxious when I hadn’t seen your face.

I’m so glad you’re safe...

Subaru: Idiot, don’t cry.

Yui: But...Uu...

Subaru: God, guess it can’t be helped. You always cry so easily, don’t you?

Yui: I’m sorry for being such a crybaby...Ah, right! Are your injuries alright..? They haven’t gotten worse, right?

Subaru: I told you that I’m fine, didn’t I? How many times do I need to repeat it until you’re satisfied?

Yui: I’ll ask it again and again. I’m worried after all.

( Subaru-kun’s the type of person who will hide all of his pain, which only makes me even more concerned. )

Subaru: ...Then want to confirm it yourself?

Yui: Eh?

*Rustle*

Subaru: Come on, try touching me. You should be able to reach me if you put your arm through the iron bars, right?

Yui: ...Eh? It’s fine, really...

*Rustle*

Yui: Ah, Subaru-kun, my hand...

Subaru: Your fault for takin’ forever. So, what do you say?

*Rustle*

Yui: Y-Yeah. I guess you’re fine?

*Rustle*

Subaru: What? You still can’t tell?

*Rustle*

Subaru: Get a proper feel. Of my shoulder, my chest, and my stomach as well...See? No new injuries, are there?

Yui: I-I understand! I’ve felt enough!

Subaru: Heh. Done already? Tell me whenever you need to make sure again.

Yui: ( That really made my heart race...! Subaru-kun can be surprisingly bold at times. )

Hey, what should we do now? Is there anything I can do?

Subaru: Good question. I doubt we’ll be able to escape together again. 

Yui: I wonder what Carla-san and the others are going to do with you.

Subaru: I can’t imagine Carla will do anythin’ hasty for now ‘cause he’s after the information I have but...

But I know jack-shit ‘bout this whole Supreme Overlord thing, so I can’t actually give him any answers.

Yui: Yeah, exactly. It’s all just a bunch of made-up nonsense after all.

Subaru: Yeah. According to what that Socrates dude told us, right? But thanks to him, we were able to figure out how this place works.

We may not know how to become Supreme Overlord, but I could at least tell him the secret behind this World.

Yui: So you’ll tell Carla-san and the others about it?

Subaru: ...Nah, I doubt he’d believe me even if I did. It’s not like we have any proof to back it up.

Although if he understood, he might help us look for clues to destroy this place...

Yui: Do you really think there’s no way to convince him?

Subaru: I’m pretty sure that when it comes to this, they won’t believe anythin’ we say as long as they themselves don’t feel like somethin’ is off ‘bout this place.

Yui: Isn’t there a way to lure out Socrates to appear in front of the others? 

Subaru: If there was, that’d quickly solve the issue...

But even if we tell them how we can escape, it might all be for naught.

Yui: Why?

Subaru: Because the criteria to destroy this miniature World is ‘for somebody to sacrifice their own life’.

...I doubt there’s an idiot out there who will happily kick the bucket after hearin’ that.

Yui: That’s...a good point.

I wonder if there’s really no other way out...?

Subaru: Yeah. It’d be nice if we could at least look for an alternative, but that’d gonna be tricky in my current situation. 

Yui: So we have no other choice but to remain trapped in here for now?

Subaru: Guess so. At this rate, I’ll remain locked down in here and you’ll be at the mercy of Carla.

Yui: ...!

Subaru: While he did promise to take good care of you, I’m not sure how serious he was about that.

...He might not hesitate to harm you if he feels like it could lead him to becoming the Supreme Overlord.

Yui: Carla-san does indeed seem like the kind of person who would do anything to achieve his goals...

Subaru: ...Yeah. Who knows what he’ll do to you eventually.

I don’t want to stay imprisoned down here and not be able to do anythin’ while some other guy takes you away from me.

So...

Yui: Subaru-kun...?

Selection

→ Do you have a plan? (♡)

Yui: What’s wrong, Subaru-kun? If you’ve got something in mind, please share it with me.

Subaru: ...It’s nothin’.

Yui: Your expression says otherwise.

Subaru: You really are sharp when you least expect it...

Yui: Eh? Did you say something just now?

Subaru: Not really.

→ You don’t look so well (🖤)

Yui: Subaru-kun, does it hurt somewhere? Could it be that your injuries have gotten worse?

I can’t properly treat them while you’re locked away behind bars but...Hey, if you don’t mind, could you show me?

Subaru: Idiot, that’s not the issue. Don’t make me say that I’m alright for the millionth time.

Yui: Right, I’m sorry.

Yui: ( ...I wonder why? I can’t help but grow really anxious when watching him like this. )

( I wonder why? )

Subaru: Oi, what’s with the frown? Just so you know, you’ve got nothin’ to worry ‘bout. 

So don’t look so stressed out, okay?

Yui: ...I’m sorry, Subaru-kun. For making you worried.

Even though you have it much worse, locked up inside a cell like this...

( I shouldn’t get all depressed. I need to smile in front of him at least. )

Subaru: Don’t apologize. Besides, I’ve already made my decision.

Yui: Your decision? Eh? About what...?

ー He moves closer to the iron bars

Subaru: Listen.

Yui: Eh? Ah, yes?

Subaru: Do you like me?

Yui: Why are you asking that all of a sudden...?

Subaru: Just tell me. Do you like me?

Yui: Of course I do! I like you so much!

Subaru: ...I see. Me too. ‘Like’ doesn’t even cut it. I love you. I don’t think I could ever love someone more.

Yui: Yeah, I love you too!

Subaru: Gotcha.

Hey, then, won’t you let me suck your blood?

I want you.

Yui: ...!

Yeah, of course! If it’s you, I want you to suck as much as you want!

Subaru: Haha, what’s that? Can’t you phrase it some other way?

Yui: But it’s the truth...

Subaru: Yeah, I bet it is. ...Thanks.

Bring your arm over here. The iron bars are kind of in the way, but you can fit your arm in between, right?

*Rustle*

Yui: Yeah. Will this work?

Subaru: Yeah, that’s more than good enough. Hah...Nn.

ー Subaru bites her

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“These iron bars are seriously in the damn way...I could easily break them if I wasn’t in such bad shape.”

“I love you...I’ll do anythin’ if that means I can protect you. Don’t ever forget that, ‘kay?”

Yui: Nn...

Subaru: ...Nn, nkuh...

Nn, haah...It’s sweeter and richer than usual, this is bad. My head’s spinnin’ like crazy.

Yui: Really...? I can’t tell myself.

Subaru: Don’t lie. I bet you’re feelin’ it more than usual as well?

I’m sure you’re kinda gettin’ a kick out of havin’ me suck your blood under these circumstances, right?

Yui: I’m not but it’s just that I’m really happy after hearing you declare your love for me earlier.

Subaru: If that’s all it takes, I’ll say it as many times as you want. I love you, Yui.

Yui: ...!

Subaru: Whatcha twitchin’ for? We’ve only just started. Nnh...Nn...Phew.

Yui: ( His lips are so warm...Makes me crave for them even more. )

Subaru-kun...

Subaru: Nn...Nnkuh...Phew...

Yui: Nn...Uu...Nnh.

Monologue

Subaru-kun would gently,

suck my blood.

Giving me only a sense of comfort,

without any pain involved.

That made me so happy,

yet sorrowful at the same time.

As he continued to suck my blood,

it felt as if he was trying to lull me to sleep, as I eventually passed out. 

Amidst my fading consciousness,

Subaru-kun uttered one phrase.

‘I’m sorryーー’

I could have sworn I heard him whisper those two words.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[wejustvibing]

hi, just wondering if you made a mistake when you replied saying “ isn't that the point? helping? because i don't think this 70+ year old crisis needs more AWARENESS and LEWIS is the right person for that CTA.”

the palestinians themselves have expressed numerous times, the only way they can change the media narrative is if people post and post and post on social media. for people not to stop sharing and speaking out. i’m sure as well all aware, it is just the public speaking out at the moment, not the media, not the global organisations and not the governing bodies of the world.

so just wondered if you made a typo, bc as said above, the reason why celebs are held to such a high pedestal is bc they have the global reach through their following, even if it changes one persons mind, allows one person to read up on the palestinian history etc, that’s why people are calling on celebs to speak out bc they have the reach we don’t. this isn’t a war, and i won’t hide my stance, this is a genocide being committed by the settler colony israel as i am sure many people agree with. so i think people are allowed to be disappointed when someone they admire remains neutral when there is no neutrality in this particular situation. however that being said, it flags the question of why people expect lewis as a bipoc to be the spokesperson when the other 18 drivers haven’t even shown a neutral stance let alone any support for the palestinian people.

may the Palestinian people be victorious and their martyrs rest in peace

wasn't a typo.

i believe celebs do not have the power to undo decades old damage. celebs don't know half the shit going on in the world. they don't have the education, world view or the time for it and that's the sad reality. it's always a losing cause waiting for celebs to come through. most of them don't even handle their own social media. unless it's the only thing they're doing, leaving their day job and focusing only on social issues. maybe then they can do it? i don't know. if they still manage to make a point to post on social issues, it's a plus and if those issues align with what you care about there's nothing like it.

but so no, they should not be held accountable for such important matters. it's political leaders and policymakers who need to be held responsible. changing media narrative isn't celebs' job either. media is either bought by those in power or they're creating their own narrative. genuinely this issue is so much bigger than any celeb, not just lewis. the generations old xenophobia and islamophobia will not be undone by social media posts of your favorite celeb or mine. general public has more power in that regard than celebs i'd say because we're rooted in reality and more in touch with what's going on.

yes, fans have every right to be disappointed. what's annoying is they're conveniently coming for the only person who has always said something? is that fair? and was he really 'neutral' or leaning heavy on peace? or are we just saying this because he mentioned the colonizer country by name? he's saying that targeting innocent people needs to end. he's always maintained this stand: ending the suffering and saving the children. if fans don't agree, it's their choice. just as what he decides to post is his choice. as long as he's not promoting genocide i still don't understand why he's getting all the heat. there's a lot to be done, yes. but can i expect lewis to do it? no.

my heart breaks for Palestinians and I've seen and heard what their relatives are going through from close proximity. i'm just praying for peace.

[soft-bellied-tannies]

The Final Performance

Read here or on AO3!

While he would never say they were a co-dependent couple, Yoongi hated that he was rolling up to his parent’s house without Jimin. They tried to make the schedule work out, but Jimin was in a busy season at work and Yoongi could not talk his way out of their 30th-anniversary dinner. He may not be super close with his family, but he still wanted to celebrate important things with them. 

Jimin sent him off with all the kisses and hugs he could handle plus a very eventful date night before he left that involved a homecooked meal, a quart of ice cream, a can of whipped cream, and a blowjob. No wonder Yoongi woke up bloated with Jimin wrapped around him like an octopus.

Yoongi braced himself for the incoming comments from his family, expecting awkwardness from his parents and teasing from his brother. They knew he had gained a bit when they saw him a few Christmases ago, back when it was barely fifteen pounds from genuine relationship weight.

Since he had last been home, Yoongi and Jimin had discovered a few things about each other - mainly that Jimin was very good at keeping Yoongi well-fed. Two years and eighty pounds later, Yoongi was carrying around a lot more of himself and his relationship with Jimin had never been stronger. 

After letting himself into the house, Yoongi waited anxiously for someone to make an appearance until he was startled by his mother’s arms around him. He tried not to flinch at the sudden touch and turned to properly hug her, waiting for some kind of comment. 

“I can’t believe you are really here; I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, dear,” his mother said, sounding slightly choked up in a way Yoongi was not expecting. 

“It’s good to see you, Mom. Happy Anniversary,” he responded, still holding the embrace. 

As she pulled away, his mother kept her hands on his shoulders and looked him up and down in that motherly way, surprising him with a nod of approval. “I see our Jimin is taking care of you well.” 

Yoongi felt his cheeks warm, not expecting an underlying compliment from her even as she addressed his new size. “Um, yeah, he really is.” 

Before she could add any further comment, his father entered the room and to Yoongi’s surprise, had the same kind of reaction. Hugging him in an affectionate way that was very unlike his typically stoic father with a similar comment in regard to Jimin. 

“Well, I guess that Jimin must be a good cook, huh?” 

He stared for a moment while trying to not get flustered and nodded with a quiet hum. His father just laughed and patted his shoulder while telling him that he could take his stuff upstairs to get settled. 

The walk across the house was quiet aside from the creaking floorboards that were much more used to the lithe weight of teenage Yoongi rather than the heavier steps he carried now. Sometimes, it was the little things that made the weight even more satisfying.

Yoongi ascended the stairs of his childhood home, something he had done countless times in his life, and yet, for the first time, he felt winded once he reached the top. Even though his parents were far enough down the hall not to hear a thing, Yoongi tried to minimize his breathing until he reached his own room. 

Once the door closed behind him, he let out a long breath and sat heavily on his old desk chair. Yoongi stared down at his watch and tracked the few minutes it took for him to 'catch' his breath. 

There were only two thoughts on his mind. 

Shit, I'm getting fat and I can't wait to tell Jimin. 

Just as he grabbed his phone to send a quick text, he heard footsteps quickly approaching his door. Yoongi stood from his chair and instinctively adjusted his sweatshirt, smoothing it down slightly so it didn’t make him look as big as he was. A weird sense of insecurity suddenly hit knowing that his brother was about to see him. 

Without even a small warning of his presence, Yoongi’s bedroom door swung open revealing his brother who paused and looked at him before smirking. “Damn, have you eaten every lamb skewer in Seoul or what?” 

“Yah, respect your hyung,” Yoongi replied, tone light as he pulled his brother in for a hug and tried to hide the embarrassment that he had been expecting all along. He stepped back with a little yelp when his brother pinched his plump side above his waistband. 

“Putting the big in big brother, hyung,” he quipped, jumping away before Yoongi could get his hands on him. 

Yoongi knew his face was on fire now as he stared down his brother. The tone of his voice was helping though, not sounding judgmental, just brotherly cajoling. Jimin was always telling him to give their family and friends more credit, but Yoongi couldn’t help that little spike of anxiety sometimes.

The teasing grin on his brother’s face certainly did help quell that lingering bit of panic though. He tried his best to let it go and simply lean into the brotherly banter, hoping that a positive report will earn him a few rewards from Jimin.

“Shut up, you brat.” 

“Back at ya, chubs,” his brother cut back, winking as he backed out of the room. He was laughing, a sign for Yoongi that it was all in good faith. “I hope you save some dinner for me.”

Shaking his head, Yoongi focused on unpacking his bag as he tried to calm his racing heart. A small part of him had been freaking out to come home, expecting looks of disapproval and hints about diets and workout routines. He certainly wasn’t mad about his family being oddly supportive, but now he felt bad for all those nights he spent complaining to Jimin. 

Thinking about Jimin brought Yoongi back to a thought that had crossed his mind on the trip down - remembering the things he had left behind at his parent’s house including a closet full of clothes that didn’t make the cut for his college move. 

Yoongi filed through the hangers in this closet and found an old button-down he used to wear for piano recitals, one that Jimin had commented on before when they went through old photos. His partner had always joked about how much of a miracle it would be if he could button that shirt now.

After announcing to his family that he was going to jump in the shower and closing his bedroom door, Yoongi stripped off his oversized hoodie and grabbed the suddenly tiny-looking shirt. He went into his attached bathroom, closing that door behind as well to have two barriers between him and his family milling around the house. 

Yoongi knew his partner wouldn't be opposed to witnessing the likely final performance for his dress clothes. He set up his phone on the counter and hit record before starting to pull the shirt on without even giving the video an intro. Jimin didn’t need commentary to enjoy his little show.

The shirt already felt tight just going up his arms, squeezing his soft skin in the fabric. Yoongi heard a quiet creak in the threads as it pulled across his shoulders, feeling as though it was ready to snap even before he attempted the buttons. 

Yoongi let out a terse sigh as he rolled his shoulders and felt the tight seams constrict his movement. The shirt was hanging open, looking like buttoning it would be impossible as his round gut hung out the front. 

Suddenly, he remembered that the rest of this suit should be hanging in his closet as well. He looked into the camera with a little smirk and said, “I’ll be right back, love.” 

Ambling out of frame, Yoongi rifled through his clothes until he found the matching pants that he had worn many times throughout performances at his arts high school. The pants looked laughably small and he was very much looking forward to seeing just how small they were. The suit jacket seemed to be missing from its place next to the rest of his outfit, but Yoongi had remembered bringing it with him up to Seoul and slowly moving it to Jimin's side of the closet once the weight started to pack on.

Stepping back into the bathroom and closing the door behind him, Yoongi immediately bent to pull the pants on and heard another protest from the shirt around his shoulders. He knew the instant he started to bring the waistband up his legs that the pants were never going to fit. His legs looked like they were wrapped in sausage casing instead of a cotton blend. 

Yoongi took a firm grip on the waistband and pulled a few times, bringing them closer to where they should properly sit. He went up on his toes, hefting his weight in an impromptu jump because he didn’t want to make too much noise. 

With little success in that move, he started to shimmy back and forth and inched the pants slightly higher with each attempt. Yoongi felt his body warming up from the exertion, a bit of sweat building up on his upper lip and brow. 

Deciding he needed a little more force, Yoongi finally jumped a little landing on his toes to reduce the sound of him landing after each little attempt. He let out a quiet ‘oof’ when the heavy weight of his stomach bounced back down with gravity’s push. 

On the final jump, the sound of fabric ripping filled the room as Yoongi ripped the two belt loops he had been firmly grasping from where they were connected. He stumbled a bit as he lost his grip on the pants, a muffled ‘shit’ coming from his mouth as he turned side to side inspecting the damage. 

Yoongi didn’t realize how heavy his breathing was until he came to a stop, needing to actually catch his breath for the second time since he came upstairs. He placed his hands on his hips and stared right at the camera, knowing well that his clothes looked comedically small on his body. 

“Fuck, Min, I am out of shape,” Yoongi admitted before wiping his forehead and returning to his efforts. 

Finally pulling his pants over his ass, Yoongi took one look at the button in the mirror and gave up on even the thought of buttoning them. The open v of his waistband was already straining against his wide hips and thighs, the button stretched inches away from the clasp. 

He brought his focus back to his shirt, pulling each side forward a bit at a time until there was no more give around his shoulders. Giving it a testing tug, Yoongi brought the middle button toward the corresponding hole and found that it was about two inches away from closing. 

Yoongi cleared all the air from his lungs and took a deep breath, sucking in as much of his soft middle as physically possible. He pulled both sides of the fabric with all his strength and moved as fast as he could to close three of the buttons in one breath. 

His fingers fumbled around as there was still resistance, but after the third button went through into its hold, Yoongi had to relax. The muscles in his abdomen revolted from trying to hold in the weight of his belly. 

Exhaling in one long breath and allowing his stomach to surge forward had exactly the effect Yoongi was going for as the button at the widest crest of his belly held on for just moments before the thread ripped away and shot the little piece of plastic straight at his phone. 

The heavy breathing returned for a much different reason this time around. He looked at the camera for a brief moment, giving his partner a wink before picking it up and strategically giving Jimin the perfect angle of his belly peaking through the ripped fabric as he turned the recording off. 

With no hesitation, Yoongi sent the video to Jimin and turned on the water to warm the shower. He fought his way out of the tight clothing and instantly had to get his hands on himself while thinking of Jimin’s reaction to his little gift. 

The pants were just as much of a problem coming off as they were getting on. Yoongi was huffing and puffing as he had to eventually sit down to yank the fabric off his legs. Getting the shirt off was a reprieve on his shoulders and arms which were likely losing circulation at that point.

He barely had time to compose himself because as Yoongi was stepping into the shower and thinking about how his partner would react if he were here, Jimin’s face lit up the screen of his phone. 

Not caring that his hands were wet and that his chest was still heaving for even breaths, Yoongi answered and was pleased to hear that it had the same effect on Jimin when he heard the state of his voice. 

“Baby…”

The husky tone of Jimin’s voice sent a shiver down Yoongi’s spine as he listened to his partner give all of his thoughts about the video. Jimin demanded he brought more clothes home for a live show and whispered all the things he had planned as he talked him through their shared climaxes. 

All Yoongi could hope was that his family didn’t hear his pre-dinner activities. And if they did, maybe a little pre-shower workout would be a logical excuse because obviously, he had a few extra calories to burn.

[carpe-diem-since-1899]

Trick or treat! 🦇

Hello hello so sorry for the late af reply (and other not replied asks, I promise I still remember them)

So!! We got these two big projects (?), The Angel and Fallen Angel Au™️ and The Joker and the King, an assassin/hitman au that I talked about forever ago. Both of them are still very much on the plotting/replotting stage ‘cause I have grown as a person/writer (also I’m just genuinely a slow writer/procrastinate a lot), and I am going to talk about their current state and some little headcanons I have for them! Keep in mind that some stuff are still super vague (yes I am aware it’s been years, I feel sad about that too) and I change my stuff all the time, and things might not aligne with my earlier posts. But yeah, here they are :)

The angel/fallen angel au

Currently state

This started off as, well, let’s call it a detour from another au, that is (You guessed it) In The Plotting Stage™️ and it has a magic/medieval/royal vibe, of which Race has a cool ability already, but I was like, hey, won’t it be cool if he also has wings

And to not Mary Sue-ify my favorite guy, I create another au, hence the angels/fallen angels au

Another thing is that I already got another au (The Joker and the King, aka TJTK) and that one focus on sprace, so this one is supposed to be about Javid, while Sprace being angsty in the background

The original plan was David trying to find a way to get back to Mayer’s boss who is neglecting worker’s right or smt

But it looks terrible and super boring after I plot it out twice, and just genuinely has quite a few plot holes since I’m shit with law stuff

I got a few options I’m playing with rn, but yeah this is what we got atm

It’s either gonna be a series with several stories from different characters’ povs and periods or it’s gonna be one long fic and with other additional stories

Headcanons/world building details

After actually reading (a tiny) part of the Bible, I have decided that this au has nothing to do with any angels or similar deities from any religion, the whole fallen angels thing is separate from again, any religion, and I’m gonna rework some background stuff to make it more clear about that. But yeah, just thought I’ll put it out here

I’ll put a post out after I fine tuned all the details

Both Jack and Race are fallen angels, Jack is older than Race and they’re friends

Jack got assigned to helping David dealing with Something, meanwhile Spot is already friend with David and got assigned to him as well

Race is aroace, and he and Spot were best friends/on their way to being in a qpr (but that label wasn’t a thing back then)

As previously mentioned by the posts under the au tag, they fell out of touch after Race’s fall, and they haven’t seen or heard from each other for centuries

So there are Dramas and I can’t wait to actually figure out the plot😭

The Joker and the King au

Current state

This started back in end of 2021/start of 2022 or smt, and I’m gonna be so honest with you, I have no idea why the fuck this drags on like this

It was darker and most of the characters are (or at least were) hitmen

Spot and David were part of this organization and they left and took some informations with them, so the boss is sending people after those two

The storyline I had didn’t make much sense and I toned it down because I feel bad for making them trying to off each other for money

But not I don’t feel bad about that anymore so I’m putting the slay and maim back into the plot

Headcanons/world building details

I’m just assigning motivation and sense of morals (?) for characters at the moment so there are not specific stuff I can give you

We got people that are raised in the business, do it for the money, forced into the deal, and I’m debating whether or not to add someone who do the contract killing thing for shits and giggles

Spot and David are no longer hitmen! But I say nothing about them being law abiding citizens

They pissed off the wrong people and Spot now have a target on his back

Again still trying to figure stuff out but that’s the gist

[numbknee]

piggybacking off of buttman anon— thoughts on kenman?

hmm 🤔 well similar to buttman I haven’t thought much about kenman before either so imma spitball as I go again

kenny and cartman are bffs, no doubt. kenny is more likely than any of the main 4 boys to laugh at his jokes, go along with his schemes, etc. obviously cartman gives him shit constantly for being poor but kenny is perfectly capable of dishing it back (“if cartman's gone, why are we still calling ourselves coon and friends?” “because it pisses cartman off beyond belief. and I find that extremely funny”)

one of the only times that cartman shows true grief is in the episode “kenny dies”, and he also goes to insane lengths to try to find a cure using stem cells (though that plan kinda went off the rails because…it’s cartman lol). it’s also very telling that in post-covid, kenny and cartman stayed friends even after the gang split up, and kept in touch for nearly 40 years. that’s a LONG ASS time! these dudes genuinely care about each other.

something I find particularly interesting about their relationship is that cartman is the only one in the series that has any kind of memory of kenny dying. yes it was in an earlier season but in the episode “cartmanland” he was aware that kenny dies all the time. if cartman is uniquely capable of understanding kenny’s immortality, even fleetingly, kenny would appreciate that more than anything else in the world because he’s been so alone for so long being forced to keep that part of himself a secret. it’s honestly tragic. like the coon and friends episodes still make me pretty emo when I rewatch them because of kenny’s desperate attempts to make his friends understand and remember his deaths. also (while fucking hilarious) the whole mintberry crunch subversion completely devastated kenny, thinking he was so close to an answer and having it slip away once again. and cartman sending him to the shadow realm for extremely petty reasons sure as shit didn’t help either

I have a headcanon that cartman’s brain is so fucked up compared to the average person that he can sometimes get past whatever magical memory erasing goes on when kenny dies. so like if kenny has a particularly brutal death, cartman unknowingly finds himself being extra nice to him the next day, like giving him food or inviting him over to play video games on his fancy new console. he doesn’t exactly remember why he’s doing those things but deep down he knows he should, and that it’s also probably best to put aside the poor jokes for a while. and that’s saying a lot for cartman.

as for them potentially being in a romantic relationship? idk I personally don’t think kenny would ever really think of cartman that way and vice versa. I can see them going to each other for advice or talking more freely about their romantic relationships than than they do with stan and kyle (which we’ve seen, like cartman being the one bold enough to tell kenny they all think tammy is a slut). I can’t see kenny caring enough/having enough energy to actively try to combat cartman’s narcissism and bigotry unless it’s targeted towards him or his family like kyle would (again the kyman brainrot is strong lol). kenny’s got his own shit to deal with and while he values cartman’s friendship, he’s not looking to change his more harmful behavior.

also, sorry to other kenny ships like bunny or stenny but personally, I see kenny as mostly straight. I mean there is just so much canon evidence of kenny being actively interested in women’s bodies, even before puberty fully hits. like looking at girl porno mags all the time, that whole cheesing hallucination with the princess’s awesome rocking tits, his variation of heaven including many voluptuous naked ladies, etc. maybe he’s bi/pan, but I can’t help but want to see him in a relationship with a lovely beautiful lady who truly respects and loves him because dammit, kenny deserves some happiness in his life and he’s been pining after beautiful women for years. plus I think a long-term relationship with cartman beyond friendship would be too much work for him. he’s tired. let him rest. kyle can deal with cartman’s bullshit instead lol

[snevvings]

Bit of a personal one and a bit of a trigger warning for childhood sexual abuse but I just found out about an hour ago that my step grandad is dying and well, to put it bluntly, he’s a pedo who like touched me and shit.

I’m really conflicted on how I feel right now because on one hand I’m really angry at the shit that happened but I’m also quite sad too because he was my grandad after all for fourteen years and despite everything there still are good memories and I did genuinely love him as a kid. I thought I’d feel happy when this time came but I just feel weird. It all came out about ten years ago now and since then we haven’t seen my grandma or him since.

On one hand I felt guilty as hell, because of all of this, my dad hasn’t seen his mum in ten years, but in the end, it was my step-grandads choice to act that way and my parents choice to no longer visit them, because they chose me over it. It just really sucks, and I also feel for my dad because not seeing his mum for so long and having the man who was his dad for like thirty years on his death bed, even with his noncy behaviour towards me, he still pretty much raised him.

Anyway, apparently the doctors reckon that he’s gonna die any time soon… cunt better not die on my birthday, because that will just ruin the vibe. But yeah, that happened. I’m okay though, I’m not having a proper mental breakdown or anything, it just kinda sucks all round.

Peace motherlickers :/

[jodilin65]

So now Iran is attacking Israel. Does the fucking violence in this world ever end? That’s, okay, though. The savage little beasts won’t get very far.

I removed links I had on various writing platforms because they just seemed pointless sitting there. Most people don’t seem to be interested in following people on more than one site anyway. I did create a book on PB, however, that will have my audio links. That’s just for friends only.

I also removed the links because when I tried to play back the audios I shared on Twitter, none of them worked. So I don’t want to share stuff that might not work anyway.

It’s great that I didn’t wake up with a sore jaw this time but not so great because I was still tired. When I first woke up I thought I was going to be okay but within an hour I realized I was tired. I first thought that was because I slept too much. If I sleep nine or more hours it tends to leave me as tired as if I didn’t sleep enough. But I must have needed more sleep because I later napped for an hour and a half. I’m still tired, though. I’m going to need about a month to evaluate whether or not the mouthguard is helping. I need to study my energy stats for a whole month to get a better idea. For many months I’ve been tired approximately half the time, sometimes a little less and sometimes a little more. So I can’t really tell much in just a week or two. Hopefully, there won’t be many storms while I’m sleeping for the next month because the more I’m woken up by outside sources, the harder it will be to get a sense of how helpful it is.

Another good thing is that there were no oxygen spikes. No matter what though, I’m never going to sleep straight through because I’m older. The days of not opening my eyes until I’m getting up for good are long over.

I installed a Gmail add-on that tracks when people open my emails. I sent the following to Kim.

Saw you’re back online and before you even think of reaching out to me - don’t. You don’t get to dump me for calling you out on your shit just to act like nothing happened and pick up where we left off. I’m done with you forever.

I haven’t really seen her online but the rest of the message is totally true. I realize it may be a bit deceptive of me but I wanted to see if the message was opened, and it was. I doubt it was her sister who opened it because I think she would have told me so.

God help me if this mental case is ever allowed free reign of the internet again in the future! Molly may have changed to a degree but I don’t think Kim has ever or will ever change in any significant way. If she can go back to getting away with impersonating celebrities and stalking and harassing people anonymously or from bogus accounts, she will. I totally believe that. Then again, good luck to her because every site I use has blocking power. The most she could do - and likely would do - would be to keep creating one new account after another to come at me from but I say go for it. I’ll block everything she creates. She would never dare confront me or anyone else from any account in her own name or that she’s used before to keep in touch with people. Once she’s decided to dump you she’ll get at you any way she can anonymously or through fake accounts. I’ve never known her to do it from a real account or one that people know she’s used. It’s only after she decides she’s got a problem with you that she creates and deletes and creates and deletes. And the faster you call her out on her bullshit and she knows you know it’s her, the faster she dumps those accounts and starts all over again.

Someone was talking about whether or not they had silent readers and I wonder about that in my case as well. I mean, if you have someone reading regularly then they’re either genuinely interested in your life or they’re looking for something in particular. I think the way to tell which one it is lies within what you say. I would think even the shyest and most antisocial person on Earth would want to congratulate someone they read regularly that they were supposedly interested in if they said they won the lottery, for example. I would also think they would want to express their condolences if they wrote about losing a loved one. So if there’s absolute silence on the readers’ end, that would make me suspicious of sinister intentions. Unless they were hoping you’d come out and reveal a recipe on how to bake the best damn banana nut bread in town, I might suspect they were the vengeful type looking for something they thought they could use against you. But then I’m not a psychologist either so only they know why they’re reading quietly. Not everyone feels the need to make their presence known, but I think that if one can take the time to look over their shoulder, they can take the time to say hello, even if it’s just once in a while. I too, have noticed similar visitors showing up that are consistent but quiet and likely just crawlers.

Got a lot of things on the way that I’m so excited for! It’s so cool that I saved up for the bed, frame, and sheets all by myself through working online. It’s especially cool when you’ve got health issues that prevent you from working a regular job outside of the house.

I got the lavender sheets already and they’re a little darker than I thought they would be but still nice. I see what someone meant when they left a review saying they had a sheen to them but don’t feel like satin. The Egyptian sheets we had in Cali lasted for 6 years so hopefully I’ll get many years out of these 400-thread-count long staple cotton sateen weave sheets.

I’m going to order some incense sometime from Temu and try a Chinese place I’m pretty sure I haven’t tried yet. Tom hates Chinese so I just take it to go.

My new glasses should be coming soon but I don’t expect to get the waterbed until later in the month. Probably not before the 22nd.

I also want to save to finish the exterior bedroom wall and replace the kitchen sink.

If the honker doesn’t get his trailer tomorrow and get out Monday since I’m guessing he wouldn’t want to take off on a weekend, then I’m probably stuck with him until May. He still has himself listed as interested in a motorcycle expo from the 19th to the 21st but not as going.

[whatswrongwithmeh]

05/07/2024

I had a few good days when I believed I doomed their relationship. It was a little tricky tbh because my mind was pretty occupied by this. It was like reopening my wounds but I thought the goal was worth it. Anyways, it didn’t work. 5 days later they still played games together. I wonder how that checks out. I’m really angry because I probably would’ve pushed cheating aside as well. I loved him so much I forgave everything. Until the very bitter end I never left him for what he did to me and I let myself be pushed around and be left. I can never say that I realized my worth or anything because I would’ve never left. He did a good job picking someone with even less self esteem than me. He can pull any stunt he wants and probably gets away with it. It’s kinda gross. Maybe I got left because she’s even easier? He got bored after breaking me so much. No look, I would be fine if she would get to experience the same shit I experienced. Like she got cheated on in less than a month. But he talks his way out of these things. Master manipulator. I’m scared. Everyone says he won’t change but I’m scared he might. I’m scared he’s gonna treat her well and improve. And they get to have something somewhat healthy and happy. It’s not fair. It’s poisoning my mind. It sounds so delusional to talk about healthy after he cheated but maybe it was only with me and now it will never happen again. Maybe that’s something you can suppress and ignore. I mean if it really never happens again? It only stopped because I moved out and the easy access is gone. It’s disgusting. Why is it working out? I’m going insane.

I thought I have no tears left to cry but I woke up in the morning several times just crying like I broke up yesterday. I miss him and it’s painful because I would’ve forgiven it too. It’s pathetic but despite all his lies and him mistreating me we had some good times. And I don’t want him to thrive right now. It’s an unfair shortcut through missing me. I don’t even know if he misses me. After my stunt I think he has a valid reason to hate me. That would be too easy on him. And it really scares me. Despite everything I was hoping to be someone worth missing. I want to feel like a loss. And at this rate I was only a burden, a toxic wrong piece and switching me out brought happiness to everyone except me. I’m really hurt. I loved him he was supposed to be my forever. I was hoping with time and patience he’d improve and we’d get along. But I was just not desirable anymore. I feel so terrible about myself I don’t know what to do. His entire family disliked me compared to her. 6 years for what.. That everyone is glad I’m gone? I hate this so much

I feel like I was set up for failure, I didn’t deserve this. What’s happening to me is unfair and I want someone to make up for it. Does Karma really not exist? I haven’t seen it pay out like ever.

Why did I even bother to bust him, I only hurt myself. They probably overcame that together and even grew closer, uniting over their shared hatred for me. I did them a solid. I’m sad. I’m driving my car and I’m sad he won’t drive me around when he gets his license. He probably won’t waste a thought for me. I wanted that life so bad. It wouldn’t have been good but he was always enough for me. It feels noble to say and it hurts even more that despite all that it was me who wasn’t good enough.

All that patience. I cried a lot while being with him. The lies hurt. Why do I sometimes feel like it was worth it? What is it about him that I keep glorifying and loving? It’s stupid I can never have it back. It wasn’t even that good. How long will it take for me to really feel that way? I can only hope that loneliness is making me feel this conflicted and delusional. And as soon as I experience genuine love and touch I can leave this behind. I’m sadly just really sheltered and stuck. I don’t know how to find someone who would want me. I don’t even want myself.

Im still terrified of rejection. I hate being alone..

[circular-bircular]

Here’s my thoughts!

Disconnect from real life: Agreed. So many people in these servers are not touching grass. So many are stuck entirely just in conversations amongst similarly traumatized people, which isn’t helping them at all. It’s great to be able to bounce ideas off each other, but often it’s groups of people triggering each other left and right.

Misinformation: Strongly agreed. So many CDD spaces don’t… actually know anything about CDDs beyond their own experiences (and plural specific spaces are worse). So many people haven’t don’t any legwork by doing research. I feel self conscious sometimes because I also haven’t dug as much into research as I’d like, but I realize more and more that I’ve done quite a bit more than some others out there.

Treating DID like it’s fun: This is where I start to disagree. I used to treat my disorder with the severity I felt it deserved. It took so much from me. But… I cannot imagine being that way now, especially after making a lot of headway on recovery in recent years. I need to be able to have some fun with it. There’s a fantastic quote I love from a series I loved as a child: “I’ve looked at the world for quite a few years now and I’ve found that, if I don’t laugh, I’ll probably end up crying.” Is there really anything wrong with having fun with it? Shouldn’t people with DID be allowed to experience some joy? I agree that there is a lot of focus on enjoying your system and loving your system, to a detrimental degree — people should discuss the hard times more — but I also think there needs to be a balance of the two.

Children: Strongly disagree. I also love that this is the only point so far that even mentions endogenic systems. Anyways. Children 10-14 can still have DID. It develops from trauma seemingly from before 9 years old. A 14 year old could easily develop parts in that time. I personally know of someone who was diagnosed by medical professionals with a CDD at age 14, due to the circumstances of his life. It’s entirely possible to happen. Furthermore, given the advent of the internet, children are learning about abuse and diagnosis criteria far earlier than ever before. It’s not without reason for a child to learn about their disorder earlier than the research typically indicates. (Also: the “personality is still developing until 25” was not only a misinterpretation of “your brain is still developing until you’re 25,” but it’s also a completely arbitrary number due to the upward age of those included in an fMEI study. The thing that seemed to be “finished developing” was the frontal lobe. Modern science has completely debunked this claim, stating that the brain never stops developing.)

(Side note on the above one: are children in CDD spaces an issue? Yes! Just not for the reason you described here.)

Microlabels: Agree and disagree I suppose. Agree because, yes, if you don't label yourself as specific things, you can get hounded in certain spaces. But largely, I have seen this trend dip off. And... well. Disagree because, what is it my business? If someone else wants to label themselves to the high heavens, more power to them. I'll mention how forcing labels onto myself hurt me, but if they're certain it's awesome for them, then I'm happy for them. It isn't any skin off my back. (And fully agreed that "reclaiming terms" from endogenic systems is stupid, but not because of the type of label -- moreso that you can't.... reclaim that. That's not what reclaiming means.)

Sexualizing: ...??? I'm so confused by this. Are there really people out there saying shit like, "Mmm... Caretakers are so sexy. I love me a good Gatekeeper." If so, that's fucked up. People will absolutely stereotype these roles (and that does make some sense -- many do follow similar trends, enough that the role label got made in the first place) and genuinely, as long as they're open to other "types" of those roles existing, that's fine. But if this is just about people... enjoying sex... I mean. Okay? That's allowed. That's always been allowed.

Thanks for providing actual discussion topics to the syscourse tag.

I'm really starting to dislike the plural community/ies* online and I'll explain why.

*this is mostly based on DID/OSDD discord servers rather than Tumblr however some of these points still apply.

I do apologise for sounding like a cranky old lady going off about 'back in my day' but this has been bugging me

Mass disconnect from real life experiences; a lot of things I see on DID groups scream of spending far too much time online with very little outside interaction.

Misinformation and inability to read, research and explore the connotations of your own disorder/the disorder claimed.

Treating a SEVERE TRAUMA DISORDER like a "fun lil quirk." No. This is not like that "which disney princess am I?" personality quiz, this is a legitimate, detrimental disorder, disrupts every day life and that can and does kill. People pick up on the 'fun' things of plurality like 'having friends in your head' but avoid the nasty parts like suicidal alters, or they treat it as a convenient excuse to get out of taking responsibility for their actions.

Children claiming to be DID systems. I'm talking 10-14 year olds. If you're under the age of 25, your personality is still developing. you're going to be confused whether or not you have a disorder. Trust me, please, you will regret claiming to be an endogenic system when you're older. I can almost guarantee it. You'll look back and cringe and ask yourself why you claimed that as a young teen (unless you got a DID/OSDD diagnosis later).. I did shit as a young teen I cringe at constantly. Heck, I happily claimed a whole ton of problematic MOGAI labels (no, I am not proud...) with very little regard for their validity outside little corners of the internet

Push for use of microlabels (and god forbid you choose not to). And reclaiming "endogenic" terms. Do.. we really need a name for an alter based on a song...? I don't think so and I'm yet to see something that changes my mind.

Sexualising of specific alter types and systems in general.

I'm open to discussion (polite discussion) and additions :)

[gay-dorito-dust]

Can you do headcanons for corinthian falling in love with a god/goddess? (Maybe their the god of chaos, destruction etc and he is just in awe)

A/n: This is gonna be kinda shit cuz I don’t think I could nail down his character but here we go.

Taglist: @mm2305 @murnsondock @mess-in-side @blossomedfloweroflove @dinonuggett @lex-the-flex

Corinthian was more then prepared to work alone if he must to achieve his wants and wishes but when he came across you, a well known but feared deity amongst the catalogue of gods and goddesses he knew he struck gold when he saw the glimmer in your eyes at the prospect of causing as much chaos and destruction to both the waking and the dream realms one could possibly think of. After all chaos and destruction were always your forte.

Needless to say at first he would be stroking his own over inflated ego of how he managed to snag a deity and indoctrinate them to his cause, his ideals, his wants and wishes he would ironically think that he was dreaming.

“A god and a nightmare working together? Who would’ve thought we’d work so smoothly alongside one another.” Was a common phrase he’d spout teasingly after decimating innocence together on a random afternoon, wiping the blood from his knife as you reached a hand to wipe some that had smeared his handsome face from your view. “It certainly is a surprise, an idea birthed from madness one would believe our alliance to be but I’d say life is full of surprises…some aren’t always the good kind.” You would reply cooly before walking away, firmly aware of where his he eyes would’ve lingered if he had been blessed with any.

Feelings would be a secondary thought in the beginning but soon after spending some quality together within the apartments of his latest victims acting so domestic as though you haven’t just massacred the occupants seconds prior. You’d notice certain things that he never lets anyone else do such as holding his knife within your own hand as if it was a feather. You knew Corinthian’s weapons were his prized possessions. You would be lucky enough to even see it up close if it wasn’t aimed at you with deadly precision; so to be able to hold it meant he placed a decent amount of his trust in you not to deceive him and stab him in the back with his own blade.

He’d even go as far as taking off his shades around you even the deeper your relationship grew. “You aren’t scared?” He asked when he first took his shades off in your presence albeit a little insecure about what a deity like you would think after seeing all of him for who he was by creation. A nightmare. “No,” you were quick to stand and hold his face in your hands firmly, “your beauty could never ever scared me Corinthian.” Your words touched him in a way he had long forgotten as he found himself leaning into your hands, leeching off of your warmth.

His smile was more genuine compared to the one he shot everyone within his vicinity. It was a rare sight to behold and you were blessed to bare witness to this moment of vulnerability. Though Corinthian would would often find himself gazing at you as though you were the one to gift him his senses, to gift him his life that he would surly give back to you if the occasion ever arose. He never pegged himself as someone who’d wholeheartedly give himself to someone for that meant giving them some semblance of power over him, manipulating him for their own wants, needs and wishes. He was use to seeing that within all living things.

Corinthian acted on urges rather then feelings so what he felt for you was something estranged to him that he almost became dare I say…fearful for what this meant for him in the future. After all he couldn’t go up against you, you were far more powerful then he was, is and ever will be in his existence and he’s in awe of your destructive power and prowess of the likes he’s never seen before. Your thirst to see chaos and destruction matched his own that he’d once allowed himself to be delusional and believe that you were in fact soulmates. Partners in crime, a match made in hell. Bonnie and Clyde type of pairing.

A dangerous pairing you make but that’s the beauty of it to Corinthian for making sweet sweet chaos with you was his favoured pastime that he’d gladly continue doing for all of eternity. For doing anything with you sounded like a hell of a time to Corinthian and he was down for it all if you let him.