#genuinely don't have anything else to say about them

[slut4megantheestallion]

‧₊˚✧Being in a relationship w/ Kang- Sae byeok Headcannons

━━━ .°˖✧ Sae byeok x f!reader˚₊ ⊹

Genre: fluff, pure fluff

● she may seem intimidating at first, but she's only a softie when it only comes to you and only. She always has your back, whether itself standing up for you when you're upset or making sure you're safe when you're getting threatened. Her love for you is quiet, but it runs deep. If you're ever in your trouble, she will fight to the end for you

● Sae- byeok isn't overly expressive in her feelings, but she shows her affection in her own way. She's not one for over the top romantic gestures or public displays of affection. She shows her love and affection when she's touching your arm when she's passing by, offering your a soft smile only for you, giving you a gentle kiss on the cheek when you're alone together. Her love is subtle, but constant it's something that feels warm, secure, and comforting.

● Super protective. She's a fighter. She doesn't easily let people get close to her vulnerable side. She's been through a lot in her life. However, when she's with you, she opens up to you. When she does, it's not done with words but through her actions. When she trusts you, she'll let you in little by little. She'll seek comfort in small moments, like resting her head on your shoulder or letting you hold on to her when she's having a hard time sleeping.

●She isn't a talkative person, but when she does open up, it usually happens during quiet moments. Sae-byeok doesn't do small talk about her feelings, so when she speaks, it is genuine and meaningful. She's not the type to confess her love with words, but you'll know how much she cares through her actions and her ability to be vulnerable with you when it counts.

●Sae-byeok doesn't say it often, but she does think or dream a future with you together. She wants you to be included in them in a relationship with her. She knows how cruel the world can be, but with you,she might see the possibility of something with you.

● She doesn't trust easily when she does it's yo she only trsuts. In your relationship, your her safe haven from the chaos in the games and the world, she may not show it alot, but she wants you to be near you, either sitting in silence with you or seeking touch for comfort, her love for you is the most evident in these moments when she let's her guard down.

● when she's comfortable with you, she'll show her playful side that people don't see. She'll tease you about small things, joking around inndry, sarcastic ways. Not overly emotional, but she'll share her thoughts and feelings through light banter, a small smile, or playful nudges. She'll do little things to make you laugh, like making fun of a situation or cracking a sarcastic joke to lighten the mood.

● she shows her love through acts of service. She'll do things to take care of you, whether it's making sure you're well fed, taking you somewhere to relax when you're stressed, or simply doing something for you without being asked. If you're upset, she might quietly sit with you, just offering her presence and support. She won't push you to talk, but she's there, doing what she can to help you without expecting anything in return.

●not really an adventurous person, but she does enjoy small personal adventures with you in the city. She loves moments like this when it's just you two.

● very jealous deep down, she doesn't show it, but she does get if someone else gets close to you. She won't be the type to confront anyone outright. Instead, she keeps to herself becoming more protective or clingy around you, wanting to keep you close. You'll notice subtle changes in her behavior, like her arms wrapping around you tighter or her eyes narrowing when someone else seems to get comfortable around you. She may not vocalize it, but her acting speaks louder than words.

●She's rough on the outside but soft for you. She doesn't trust or care for anyone else, but her softness for you is something special. When she's with you, she lets her guard down. I'm small ways. You're one of the few people she truly lets in, and when she does, it's because she trusts you with her heart.

●Sae-byeok will always look out for you. She'll step in to protect you if you're in danger, even if it means putting herself at risk. But she also respects your strength,so she'll expect you to protect her in return. When things get difficult, you'll rely on each other in a way that's built on understanding and desire to protect one another.

● Sae byeok can community with even saying a word which is another good aspect about her. You can communicate without needing to explain everything. Whether it's through a touch, a look, or a shared moment of silence, she knows you better than most. She understands your emotions without you having to voice them. There's a special comfort in knowing that, with here, you don't always need to speak to be understood

● She's like your personal body guard always around you at all times, so no one can harm you, and if someone does, she brings her pocket knife around 24/7.

● when she's kisses you, it's so gentle, she kisses you slowlym she kisses you in a needy way but also soft.

● sometimes she holds back saying the word 'I love you' she wants to wait for a good time to say it to you. But when she does finally confess that she loves you, she'll feel so relieved. She's been holding it in so long since you got with her.

● she may not say it all the time, but she does show her love for you in different ways.

● she likes to remember small details about you, what you like or dislike, favorite movie, food.

● she absolutely loves seeing you in her clothes, she thinks you look adorable<3

● She struggles with asking for help or care. She's always used to taking care of you, but you always help her anyway, even if she acts like she doesn't need it

● when she's upset about you sometimes, she goes quiet or get distant than angry.

● her love language is quality time and physical touch. She doesn't show it in public, but closed doors, she's extremely touchy.

● loves hug alot, she's always coming up behind you, wrapping her arms in her embrace.

● She's like tall so she would like rest her chin on your head and say sweet things in your ear.

● she also talks about her little brother cheol a lot and wanting you to meet him.

● when your sleeping she tries to make breakfast for you, she's not the best cook, but it's the thought that counts, so you were up early to help her with the cooking, it's a fun, intimate way for her to bond with you.

● she likes staying up late with you and just watching the midnight sky and just talking hours and hours. It can be deep or just goals and random thoughts.

● She's a listener than a talker. She likes hearing you talk about stuffing. If you think that it's bothering you, she tells you it doesn't. She likes hearing you ramble about stuff.

● she has a hard time accepting gifts from you, but incredibly thoughtful when it comes to giving you gifts, you don't care where it comes from, or if it doesn't cost money you love it anyway.

● she's not really into flashy dates. She likes lowkey dates, like walking through a quiet park or sitting by a river. She loves exploring the city at night and when it's less crowded. Whether it's s visiting the street market or finding a cozy cafe, she treasures these private moments with you. Not one really into big crowds, so she loves staying in and watching movies with you. She doesn't admit it, but she secretly enjoys cheesy rom- coms because they make you laugh.

● she hates arguments and will often retreat herself to give time to cool down if tension rises. She doesn't want to say something she'll regret. When she is ready, she approaches you calmly to tall things out. If she's wrong, she'll quietly apologize and make an effort to fix things. She's not great with words, but her actions always show her sincerity.

● She's not used to being cared for. She's hesitant at first, but she grows to appreciate your presence in her life.

● she has a habit of playing with your hands when she's nervous or deep in thoughts.she finds it comforting.

● Not the best with technology, and she'll often send you short, blunt texts that make you laugh. In person, she's much more expressive.

● she has a soft spot for animals and loves visiting pet shelters with you.

●Sae-byeok isn't one for rushing things, but once she commits to you, she's in it for the long haul. She takes relationships seriously and doest give her heart lightly.

● Overall, your relationship with Saebyeok is wholesome, and she's a great girlfriend <3

[v4mpyinred]

ok this might be hella long, but I need to scream about some details about Makoto Yuki in Persona 3 Reload, because they're so missable so I feel like nobody else has noticed or cared about them other than me!!!!

Please someone hear me out 😭 (spoilers ahead)

One underrated thing about Reload, which is my favorite thing ever, is that we get to hear Makoto's thoughts when interacting with the world around him. Compare it to FES where the game's inner dialouge is in 2nd person, Makoto's inner dialouge in Reload is in first person.

I didn't give too much attention to a Makoto's thoughts in my 1st playthrough and I think it's what made me not as attached to Makoto as I would've liked in that playthrough. But god, in my 2nd playthrough, especially after watching the movies, all of that changed...

I noticed that Makoto's thoughts genuinely change as the game progresses. You see him start off as indifferent to everything, to cherishing the memories he's made with his friends.

For instance, take a look at his thoughts on the kitchen. I don't have a screenshot of this, but at first, he doesn't really care and just sees it as another tool. But as the game progresses...

This dialouge makes me swoon every time 😭💜

One of the biggest hidden details is Makoto's inner thoughts when you interact with the book on the dorm table. He has individual thoughts on the handwriting of each member of SEES as they join, which were delightful to read in my 2nd playthrough.

But what shocked me the most was after Shinji dies, if you interact with the book, then here are Makoto's inner thoughts:

That "..." doesn't show up if you interact with the book again. This was very intentional. And god, did that hit me extremely hard. In fact, if you interact with anything involving Shinji after he passes, you can really see how much Makoto respected him :((

Once January rolls around, Makoto's thoughts change to this sweet message 😭💜

Ngl I almost teared up when I saw this for the first time. Especially since it was my 2nd playthrough, and I was actually attached to Makoto this time + I knew what was up ahead :')

shit there's even dialouge if you go to the bathroom on the Promised day 😍

Don't even get me started on Makoto's inner dialouge on March 4th. Pretty much everything interactable is changed to fit the mood of how tired Makoto is, but also how much he's appreciated the year and the memories he's made.

Like when you interact with the kitchen, his inner dialouge about the kitchen changes once last time to this (credits to alanamisako):

This shit made me burst into tears so badly 😭😭😭 "I'll never forget those precious memories" FOUL atlus, FOUL!!! His thoughts on Shinji's room change on March 4th as well 🥲

Just seeing how much Makoto had grown throughout the game, and knowing what was to come, made this, and all the other March 4th dialouge, even harder to get through in my 2nd playthrough. It also resonated with me, because I too will never forget the precious memories I've made with this game...

Things like this make me appreciate Reload so much. Interacting with every little thing is my favorite pass time in video games that allow me to do it. I've probably wasted so much time in games doing this. But most game's interactables don't have this depth, and they certainly don't change at all, even as the game and protagonist develop. I also feel like nobody else takes the time to really interact with everything or see if there's anything else to see before they progress (trust me, if a game says go left, I'm always going to go right first), and it makes me sad that so much of this, and other details, go unnoticed. I've certainly heard "I've never noticed that" a lot when sharing these sorts of things with people 😭

Things like this really help flesh out the protagonist people call "bland". I really love silent protagonist and developing their personality based on their thoughts on the world around them. I also love worldbuilding and learning about other characters through it.

And I'm trying so hard to not let Makoto take Joker's place as my favorite protagonist (cuz the rest of SEES have already done that to the PTs LOL) but it's been getting harder these days. Makoto is just so perfect! I love his growth & seeing all of his inner thoughts and combining it with movie Makoto's AMAZING characterization (plz watch the p3 movies ya'll) just made me super attached to him!! I could scream about Makoto all day. He cares so much for his friends, and it's thanks to them that he's able to appreciate the life he didn't know he could have 🥲

So I highly encourage you to interact with everything when playing Reload! From NPCs, to random things that aren't the main objective (trying to leave when you're supposed to be fighting a full moon shadow leads to some funny dialouge for instance), etc etc.. especially as the game progresses. I mean, we all laughed at the 3 coffins in the Love Hotel, and there's so many other details and foreshadowing like that I can't even get into! It really immerses you and attaches you to the protag, but also makes the end of the game hit hard...That "my eyes feel heavy" got me horribly in my 2nd playthrough after keeping up with Makoto's thoughts the entire game HOO BOY!🥲

I also recommend you do this with other games as well. Video games have always been an experience over just a game to me. And I want to experience as much of the game as I can, even silly little things like this :)

[zvezdacito]

First analysis on Sebek's attitude towards humans that actually takes the human colonization of the Briarlands into account instead of stopping at "its internalized racism because nocturnal fae are just conservatives clearly🤓☝️". I'm genuinely so thankful for this💀😭🙏

I don't blame people for misunderstanding the power dynamics between humans and fae here before Book 7 because there was literally no info/they SEEMED to be leaning on the "biracial kid hates his other half" trope/them leaving it so the initially elf-like fae could be interpreted as elitist snobs to human innovation, so the Briar Valley's history was intentionally set up to be a surprising revelation as to what actually motivates all of the afformentioned. But Book 7 has been out for 2 whole years; 2 whole years worth of time to actually catch up on lore. Twst is literally spoonfeeding its sympathetic stance to how the fae feel about their history the entire time too, its not as if its easy-to-miss subtext😭

Some real world tension Sebek's case is *more* comparable to is probably like Korean, Chinese and SEAsian elders having a strong grudge against Japanese people because of all their warcrimes in our countries, but it technically becoming "less relevant" to the daily lives of succeeding generations (and it seemingly being irrelevant to Japan from the start with the historical revisionism + refusal to acknowledge and apologize for said warcrimes) thus leading to some today seeing that hatred as some sort of reverse racism (even if it isn't)

I don't think it's comparable to the dynamic of racial oppressor and racially oppressed in western countries since its still very structurally relevant/less malleable between positions I'd say? (Even tho this is people's default when thinking about Sebek's "racism")

And Sebek's position is more similar to the mixed children of occupying soldiers/settlers with native women being conflicted about their identity and place (less because the "white" side being a (statistical) minority in the colonized-majority community, but a sense of guilt that their very existence feels like a reminder of the brutality and suffering that community faced). Though I'm not claiming it's a DIRECT parallel or allegory for these, since Mr. Zigvolt is not a soldier and may not even be part of the soldiers' descendants, just bringing it up to illustrate Sebek's actual place in the dynamics implied by Book 7 lore

Ngl I think twst fans have this issue of understanding stories where systemic issues contextualize why characters do what they do based entirely on how "nice" or "polite" that character is as an individual😭 Same reason people think Jamil (a literal modern day slave) is evil and "should've just talked to Kalim", or attempt to downplay the Dawn Knight's accountability in the invasion because he did lip service to wanting peace between species (even though it's likely a white-saviory idea of peace where human ideas take the lead and there's no trust for fae's autonomy. Just the bare minimum that they survive and get along with everyone else at their own cultural expense, if the loss of Fae tongue to Common even in the BV is anything to go by)

Idk I guess this is just my long comment about my pet peeve on people oversimplifying Sebek's attitude to "racism" because historically fae were not the ones with the systemic power and authority to discriminate and control the humans on the basis of them being human (which is what racism is systemically, it's more than just personal feelings of dislike lmao. And either way it was more the other way around for humans vs fae but fanon ignores this because "well, sebek is annoying")

Is sebek racist? Only a fun question, do not take seriously

Hello hello! Thank you so much for this question, I have been so excited to discuss Sebek's speech patterns since Book 7 reached EN~🥳

Silver says outright that Sebek can be prejudiced at times and Lilia states in the beginning of Book 7 that Sebek is the very picture of his grandfather, from the way he talks to the way he thinks.

We as the players do not realize how literally he means this comment until later in Book 7 when we meet Baul Zigvolt and realize that their speech patterns have a lot in common:

While maybe difficult to put across in the English-language adaptation of the game, Sebek has always spoken very old fashioned.

(Ace: "Okay grandpa, you gonna take her for a buggy ride next?")

He will occasionally say "this Sebek" in reference to himself, which Baul also does. (They are also both canonically quite loud, possibly another trait that Sebek adopted from Baul).

Sebek will also infamously refer to others using the 貴様 form of "you," which doesn't really exist outside of fiction and is such a rude form that it is practically a swear word. More here ->

Sebek uses it constantly, in everyday conversation.

And see Baul using it in Book 7 just all the time, with everyone except his superiors such as Lilia and Maleanor (there is even a time he becomes very angry and uses it with the senate).

Also like Baul, Sebek will switch to the extremely old-fashioned and formal "kiden" to refer to people who have impressed him. More here ->

Sebek's battle cry of "I'll swallow you whole" even seems to come from Baul!

And another thing Baul did in Book 7: refer to Sebek as human rather than by his name until Sebek earned his respect, which we have also seen happen between Sebek and Azul.

(In a Nightmare Before Christmas voiceline Sebek refers to Zero as a ghost and then a dog, eventually settling on his name, while he refers to Jack Skellington as "Bones." Is Sebek not just calling out humans, but referring to everyone by what they are rather than who they are?*)

(Does he simply yell human more than "dog," "ghost," etc., because humans are the species we have seen him interact with the most? It was confirmed in the novels that mermaids, beast-people, etc., are all referred to as "human" within the Twst universe, which has yet to be confirmed by the game but also has yet to be disproved.)

Sebek also refers to Grim as "dire beast."

There is a significant moment where he shifts to calling both Grim and the prefect by their names in Book 7, which the prefect even has the option of acknowledging aloud: "Whoa, you called me by my name?"

In a Harveston sub-plot Sebek even refuses to use an honorific with Epel's grandmother Marja until she proves herself worth of his respect.

Silver calls Sebek out on his inappropriate use of "kisama," while both Riddle and Sebek scold him for referring to people as "humans."

Whereas Epel's rude speech patterns can be explained by how it is a part of the dialect he was raised to speak and therefore he doesn't know any better (more here ->) Sebek is consciously and intentionally speaking down to others until they prove themselves worthy--is this something he learned from Baul?

Sebek says that Baul provided him with "an enriching education," but what exactly did that education entail?

Lilia expresses frustration with Sebek's inability to adapt to society, but canonically Sebek has only been outside of Briar Valley for 6 months, while he's been emulating his grandfather for 16 years.

Lilia says that Sebek has always been close to Baul and Jamil has a line of, "When admiration goes too far, the consequences can be dire."

I always assumed this was meant to be about Malleus, and while it still might be, is it also a reference to Sebek's devoted imitation of his beloved grandfather?

And we can go even deeper if we want, though this goes into theoretical territory:

Sebek was born after Briarland had already fallen to its invaders, but he was raised in a community where the war is still living memory.

Baul fought to protect his home against those who overran the land, exploited its resources, labeled him a monster, and drove them all into a fraction of their former territory.

He remembers what Briarland was before it the invasion, he fought to save it, he failed, and he survived to help put what was left of the country back together.

And then his daughter married someone who is potentially a direct descendent of the very invaders who had spent years killing anyone who looked like him and destroying everything he'd known (with even his native language possibly disappearing: Sebek says that speakers are "somewhat rare" in modern day, as the fae have generally adopted Common as their language of choice).

Sebek: "This has been weighing on me ever since we entered Lilia's dream. That my own father's distant ancestors may very well have been involved in all this too..."

And due to the long lifespans of the fae he isn't the only one with trauma and loss that feels both recent and personal.

Sebek and his siblings were not raised amongst the offspring of those who survived the war but the literal survivors themselves, unlike the humans to whom the wars are ancient history.

Sebek: "You must remember: from Lilia, Grandfather, and Malleus's perspectives...the Dawn Knight is not likely someone they consider to belong to the 'distant past.'"

While not confirmed in-game, it is not too wild to imagine that Sebek has chosen to ally himself with the survivors rather the invaders, and especially when he has been raised to idolize Malleus, whose own mother they killed not very long ago by fae standards.

While humans have been reproducing and dying at such a rapid pace that the current generation might not know that dragons are real, the same fae that managed to escape the slaughter are still there, and are now being met with the people born of those who stole their country but to whom there doesn't seem to be much significance to it all beyond a chapter in a history book.

And that might all be very well tied up in Sebek's use of "human"! (Disclaimer: this is all just a personal analysis and one of many possible explanations!)

Not only does it seem to be a speech pattern that Sebek has adopted directly from the grandfather he adores (and from Lilia and Malleus, who are also known to refer to non-fae as "humans" and whom he idolizes), but it may also be a reminder both to himself and to everyone around that while he may be two worlds in one, he does not approve of those that tore apart the community he grew up in, lest someone wrongfully assume that he agrees with the actions of his human ancestors.

Which would make it a form of self-preservation while growing up in a predominantly fae area.

Sebek's speech patterns and behaviors might be serving as a way for him to assert his loyalty to the fae, the people whom he admires, identifies with and was raised by, and distance himself from the humans who tried to eradicate them.

(If Sebek’s mother brought his father to Briar Valley from somewhere else (possibly Sunset Savanna) as has been implied, it’s possible Sebek’s human lineage isn’t tied to the invaders at all, but this is still vague.)

*Sebek refers to Sally as "Sally" throughout the Halloween event, using her name without an honorific but at least using it, much like he did with Marja. He also chastises Trey for failing to offer his hand to Sally and help her to her feet when she falls to the ground. Does Sebek possibly have a chivalrous side, not dissimilar to Leona? Memo: must check.

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

sooooo that girl content? 👀

What do you think is the ‘checklist’ to be one?

Waking up at 6 AM or earlier every morning no matter what, and going to bed earlier as a result

Daily Bible and prayer time for at least 30 minutes, preferably longer. And intentionally pray multiple times a day

Self-discipline

Consistency

Routine and habits

Delayed gratification

Daily exercise

Highly limit social media- assess where it adds actual value to your life and cut everything else out ruthelessly

Asking who you want to be. Then seeing what steps you need to take to get there. Then do it.

Blocking out distractions

Saying no to people

Have a clean space

Drink water and eat healthy foods

Only have friends who bring actual value to your life. You don’t need thirty friends. A handful of ride-or-dies is all you need

Having a simple effective beauty routine. Rather than jumping on beauty trends or obsessing over your appearence, figure out how to enhance your natural beauty and stick with it. Genuinely teach yourself to love the way you look and be confident in it without becoming vain.

Treating yourself with the value and respect that God sees in you

Having beauty (inner and outer) and intelligence be your default setting

Keep your cards close to your chest, only share required information with people you trust

Always be learning. If you’re in school, achieve academic excellence. If you’re not, still be learning things each day and filling your mind with knowledge. Read books and articles, and listen to podcasts and watch informative movies and videos

People will always be smarter than you and wiser than you. Surround yourself with those people and ask them to teach you

Intentionally look for the beauty in everything and be thankful for it

You can always grow and improve more in every area

Set yearly, quarterly, monthly, weekly, and daily goals and break down the steps to achieve them and follow through. Focus on the proccess

Devote yourself to the things you love

Focus on the mindset > the aesthetic

Stop consuming self-improvement content and actually doing the hard work that self-improvement requires

Don’t tie yourself to anyone’s opinions but God and people who also follow His will

Work on your dreams. Actually work on them, don't just dream about them. If it seems impossible, do whatever you have to do to make it achievable

Kick laziness and procrastination out the window

Intentionally set aside time to rest and make sure that the time you rest is actually restful and fills you up. And when you’re not resting, you’re working.

Make a list of your priorities, in order. The ones at the top are what you spend the most time on, and things that aren't on the list don't deserve your attention

Hold yourself accountable for what you do every day. Celebrate your wins, and acknowledge your losses. What do you fail at, figure out why, and then take the steps to make sure that it won't happen again

Take care of your outer physical body and your mental health

Quit the excuses. There is a difference between having an actual legitimate reason for not doing something and just trying to beg off how you've failed yourself.

Develop a good work ethic

Do not shy away from hard conversations that make you uncomfortable and force you to change the way you think

Do small acts of beauty and self-care each day that only take a few minutes, but make you feel good and excite you

Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and failures but don't let it happen again

Be kind and humble and loving to everyone. But people who haven't proven themselves to you haven't earned anything from you

Motivation is wonderful. Find it, use it, harness it. But it isn't constant. Be able to work just as much with it as you can without it

Praise God for the work He has done in you and the prayers He has answered. What you have right now? That just used to be a pleading cry for help. Thank Him for it, it came from Him and not you, and make sure everyone else knows it.

Develop speech and debate skills

Develop a workout routine that covers all the bases and that you genuinely enjoy doing. The goal of working out should not be to punish yourself or your body, but to love to move your body and get physically stronger and more capable.

No screens for the first or last hour of the day

And finally, submit everything that you do to the Lord and ensure that it is His will. And if you are ever unsure if He wants you to take a course of action or not, just step out in faith and see what happens.

I know that this list sounds exhausting and utterly impossible. But it isn't. It has taken me three years from the time I decided to start caring about myself in this way and becoming a hard-working disciplined 'Christian That Girl' to today, but I am here. Every single thing on this list I actively do, I'm not just listing it to sound better than I am. I'm not perfect at it and I mess up sometimes. But I do intentionally do each and every one of these things. And guess what? I started seeing results from the immediate things after days. And a lot of these longer term things are only a few months of hard work away.

At the end of the day, if you don't have something you want that you could've had, that's because you chose comfort in the moment over success in the future. Of course, life and tragedy happens, but for way more things than you realize, YOU are in control of your life and everything that you do has consequences. It is up to you to decide if they will be positive or negative. Don't look back kicking yourself saying 'I wish I had spent my time doing that.' Instead, look back and say, 'Praise God I spent my time doing that.'

[fic-writer-confessions]

i envy everyone who shares their writings with loved ones.

seeing other authors saying, "my partner read my fic and..." or even, like, "my friend joined this fandom just to read my fics," makes me feel inadequate, isolated, vastly insecure because everyone in my personal life, i absolutely FEAR knowing i read fanfiction - let alone WRITE it.

they have the mentality that it's stupid and childish, they think reading AND writing fanfiction to be the equivalent of "crazy, lonely, single cat lady". it makes me feel completely embarrassed of myself because to them, "fanfiction isn't real literature, those people can't consider themselves real authors".

i love writing. i love fic writing. it's my own personal secret - which in itself, is great! it's the one thing totally mine that i never have to share.

but at the same time, i feel like a fraud because i can't share this genuine passion of mine with literally anyone. loved ones ask what i'm writing about ALL the time and i can't tell them. i literally say, "it's therapeutic. if i wanted to share / wanted you to know, i'd talk about it, not write about it." which sounds kinda harsh, but they keep pushing, and i know for a FACT if i share even ONE fic, they'd ridicule and judge me.

i have one of those families where there are NO secrets, even confidentiality is disrespected; the kind of family where when anything happens, even Great Auntie Mabel thrice removed on my dad's side will suddenly know. i don't need my whole family to know i write smut about fictional characters; or about gruesome violence; or whatever else. so i feel trapped in a sense; i want to connect with them and share this passionate hobby of mine, but i also don't want to hear their hateful, unsupportive opinions/comments NOR deal with the ramifications of the people i didn't want to know, knowing.

and yeah, sure, the fanfic community is full of "like minded individuals" but it's not the same. i just feel so isolated and embarrassed to be me.

does anyone have any advice on how to "get over" this fear? should i keep it to myself (it's not harming me to keep this a secret) but if one day, i wanted to - let's say - tell my best friend, how would i go about that...? do i give them my pen name? do i send it to them anonymously (meaning editing out anything that could connect my pen name)? do i send them my blog and just say, "have at it"?

i feel so silly, ungrateful, and whiny.

.

[n0anix]

they deserve some comfort

[carouselunique]

Is it true that there's no animosity between you and... you know, you know who. You never talk about her in any way. I guess I'm curious. You guys seemed like really close friends and then just weren't friends at all. And there was some stuff she said that seemed very targeted at you...

I don't know if she feels any animosity toward me or not any more. Our mutual friends have said she doesn't and I take them on their word in that regard, assuming that if they have an answer for me it's because they're aware how she feels. I wouldn't know and it's not my place to put words in her mouth.

I haven't spoken to her/about her in a long time and the only time she even crosses my mind is when people bring her up to me. As for me feeling any animosity? I'll admit my feelings on her these days are complicated and way too nuance-core for people who aren't my friends to hear about but I wouldn't call them animosity in any way. I inherently want people my friends care about to live well because I care about my friends, and anyone my friends care about by proxy and I still share friends with her. I would never wish ill on people my friends care about so animosity doesn't fit into that by definition. I'd say I'm hurt more than anything and even then I've worked through a lot of it with trusted friends who have helped me deal with my emotions in a healthy way.

(Besides, my own life struggles keep me from even being able to invest time into animosity. I have to expend that energy loving my family, doing my best to support them during our struggles. And I've never been a hateful person it isn't in me. I would rather play 'Hot To Go' by Chappell Roan and teach my dad how to do the hand gestures to help him strengthen his muscles again than focus on hating anyone...)

I try not to think about her because it hurts. I often think that people forget that I'm a real person outside of her sphere, and that I wouldn't want to talk about what happened because I truly did consider her a friend for a long time. And when someone I consider a friend appears to not regard me with care any more suddenly and I don't even have closure on that... well... it hurts... A lot. Of course I never talk about it.

And I'm not stupid, I have seen some stuff she's said that I've gathered was about me. I remind myself that she has a right to vent in her own spaces and I truly mean that... it's just a shame that her own spaces have people who then have taken these things to me to show me (after all, I wouldn't have even seen these things myself if not for third-party anons going 'this u?') saying it is my own fault because I was a terribly cruel friend or my own fault for not listening to warnings about her when I had the chance and that makes me a stupid gullible bitch. You lot haven't seen some of the awful shit about me from some of her more ravenous fans and haters I've seen over the years that I've had to let roll off my back in the fear it would bring backlash - not even to me, to her. I don't want to be the cause of any hatred going to anyone.

Also I'm just not going to ever talk about the details of our fallen friendship or our fallen relationship. That's private. She might be a public person to some extent but I never was, even if I do gain some measure of small fandom for my work one day I'm just private about personal matters especially raw ones. I almost deleted this ask entirely but Idk I never stated that it bothers me when people talk to me about her from my own mouth, so I guess that's what this ramble is.

If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed. I am not a part of her life not even through our mutual friends. I do not know or care what's going on with her public/personal life. I haven't kept up. I will never keep up. Don't treat me as an extension of the situation because I am not in the situation. In the most plainly stated sense of the word: Leave me the Hell alone. (...pretty please.)

All I've wanted this entire time was to be left alone to process everything in a healthy, peaceful way. I'm workin' on it.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Odd and Recent Planets

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

[scoringeffects]

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[keelanrosa]

terfs when a study shows literally anything positive about trans people/transitioning: 'hm i think this requires some fact-checking. Were those researchers REALLY unbiased? Because if they were biased this doesn't count and if they weren't knowingly biased they probably were unconsciously biased, woke media affects so much these days. Have there been any other studies on this? Because if there haven't been this could be an outlier and if there have been and they all agree that's a bit odd, why aren't there any outliers, and if there have been and any disagree we really won't know the truth until we very thoroughly analyze them all, will we? Were there enough subjects for a good sample size? Did every single subject involved stay involved through the whole study because if they didn't we should be sure nothing shady was going on resulting in people dropping out. Are we 110% sure all the subjects were fully honest and at no point were embarrassed or afraid to admit they didn't love transitioning to the people in charge of their transition? Are we 110% sure none of the subjects were manipulated into thinking they were happy with their transition? In fact we should double-check what they think with their parents, because if the subjects and their parents disagree it's probably because they've been manipulated but their cis parents have not and are very unbiased. How many autistic subjects were there because if there weren't enough then this doesn't really study the overlap between autistic and trans and if there were too many then we just don't know enough about what causes that overlap to be sure this study really explains being trans and isn't just about being autistic. How many AFAB subjects were there because if there weren't enough this is just another example of prioritizing AMAB people and ignoring the different struggles of girls and women and if there were too many how do we know sexism didn't affect the results. Was the study double-blinded? We all know double-blinded is the most reliable so if this one wasn't that's a point against it even if the thesis literally physically could not be double-blinded. Look i'm not being transphobic, i want what's best for trans people! Really! But as a person who is not trans and therefore objective in a way they cannot possibly be, i just think we should only take into account Good Science here. You want to be following science and not being manipulated or experimented upon by something unscientific, right?'

terfs when they see a study of 45 subjects so old it predates modern criteria for gender dysphoria and basically uses 'idk her parents think she's too butch', run by a guy who practiced conversion therapy, 'confirmed' by a guy who treated the significant portion of subjects who didn't follow up as all desisting, definitely in the category of 'physically cannot double-blind this', completely contradicted by multiple other studies done on actual transgender subjects, but can be kinda cited as evidence against transitioning if you ignore everything else about it: 'oOOH SEE THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKIN BOUT. SCIENCE. Just good ol' unbiased thorough analysis. I see absolutely no reason to dig any deeper on this and if you think it's wrong you're the one being unscientific. It's really a shame you've been so thoroughly brainwashed by the trans agenda and can't even accept science when you see it. Maybe now that someone has finally uncovered this long-lost study from 1985, we can make some actual progress on the whole trans problem.'

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

no but im thinking about how 4halo could be together while keeping their dynamic intact. forever asks bad on a date and bad is like yeah :D friendship date. several dates later bad's the one to propose and he says "will you merry me" as in like. be merry with me. feel joy forever for we're together and we have 11 children aka all of the eggs we have forcefully adopted from the other parents and i dont know what life would be like without you. you changed my life for the better. besties 4evar, forever

[musical-chick-13]

Regarding the previous post, I think the way I approach trying to evaluate a piece of art is asking "Do I think the positive things I get out of it outweigh the parts of it that I don't like?" And when I call something a "guilty pleasure" song/show/book/piece of media/etc. it's really more in the sense of, "Given who I am as a person, the flaws I've found in this should be complete dealbreakers for me, but somehow they aren't, and it makes me feel like I'm having an identity crisis."

[ttngummybear]

The next time I go to try and ask for tech support from the revanced team, someone PLEASE just slap me so I don't do it.

[moe-broey]

Man..

[fragglerockopinions]

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