#gentle reminder that just because a character says something doesn't make it true

[endless-ineffabilities]

The Bolter (part one)

Steve Rogers x f!Reader

synopsis : Steve carries out his decision to return to Peggy, aiming to live out the rest of his days with her. But this means he's leaving everything behind - he's leaving you. Did he make the right choice? Will there be anything left with you to come back to?

in this chapter : Steve is about to walk out of your life, causing you to let go of everything you two have, and everything that could be.

📝 yes, the title is inspired by Taylor Swift's upcoming song The Bolter. In my interpretation and in this story, it is meant to symbolize someone who runs from someone or something. A potential relationship. A loved one. And the choice is not easy, one that may bring a lot of remorse or catharsis? Anyhow - Steve IS a bolter. In the beginning, at least.

themes/warnings : language, angst!!!, pining, unrequited love, Steve is kind of an asshole for leaving (but we love him anyway)

word count : < 1k

main masterlist ▪︎ series masterlist ▪︎ next chapter

This is it.

This must be what true heartbreak feels like.

Steve, your best friend and the unrequited love of your life, has decided to volunteer to return the Infinity Stones to their respective timelines. Very noble of him.

But he also confessed that he plans to stay with Peggy, now that he finally has the chance.

They can have the dance that was stolen from them, decades ago.

Steve can be with his true love it seems. And that person is just not you.

Well, fuck my life.

"Doll," he smiles ruefully, both of your hands encased in his, "say something."

Say something, he says. What is there to say - I'm in love with you, I want you to stay with me? Don't leave me? I want you stay - for Bucky, for Sam, for Nat. For everyone. For me?

What can you fucking say that will ever be enough? In the 7 years that you've known Steve, you've grown to love him. As a friend, as family. Then, almost inevitably, as the only keeper of your heart. And he knows this.

But he's still leaving. Because, at the end of the day, Peggy is the keeper of his heart.

To you, Steve has always been everything good. Golden boy perfection, with a heart that would put a saint's to shame. Sunshine, laughter, companionship, standing tall and unwavering in his ideals. His gleaming red, white, and blue tendrils snaking their way into the very fibres of your being and taking root.

But now, all you feel is empty. You were angry, when he first told you, days ago. You had almost screamed at him, told him how unfair he was being. You made a long, drawn-out case for Bucky. How he doesn't deserve this. But really, you were making a case for yourself.

Stay, you had said.

He simply smiled, without any mirth. Not like his usual on-brand Steve Rogers gesture of sincerity. He smiled and it did not reach his eyes. He was sad, or maybe he pitied you. And that made you even angrier.

Until minutes later, when you finally broke down, and sobbed quietly in his arms.

"I hate you," you muttered against the creases of his shirt.

"I love you," he said back, and you hated him even more for it. He doesn't get to say that to you, in that way. Not in the same way he would say to Peggy.

Now, right before stepping onto the platform that will cause him to vanish from your life, he says it again.

"You do know that I love you, right?" His smile is genuine, if not a little nervous. He hoped you would be as accepting as Bucky, and send him off with just a rueful look. A gentle, final word. A sweet farewell that he can take with him as a reminder of all the times you spent together.

"I know," you breathe, relenting. Steve does not like that your eyes are glazed over, empty. Like you're not taking him in at all. You take notice of the resulting sag in his shoulders, out of character from the dignified stride he sported as he was saying goodbye to the others.

A big part of you wants to remain indignant. So what if he's hurt or uncomfortable due to your coldness? It serves him right.

"Come here," he whispers, and it comes across a silent plea. Come here? Will you, please?

You take just one small step closer, but he is already ahead, wrapping his arms around your frame. Your stony mask breaks as your cheek presses against his chest, away from his view. His chest plate glistens from your tears, but you don't have it in you to wipe them away.

When he pulls away to look down at you, his heart breaks. He cradles your face in his hands as you look up at him through wet eyelashes, and it's almost enough to make him consider staying.

But then you say, "It will all be okay, Steve." You gingerly pry his hands from your cheeks, giving them a comforting squeeze. "We will be okay."

You look behind you, where Bucky stands watching the exchange, and he offers an encouraging nod.

You take a step back, mustering everything that you possibly can, all the love you have for Steve, to give him one last genuine smile.

"Go get your girl."

Read part two here.

The way I was making myself upset while writing this - god I love angst!!! ~~~

I was gonna keep going, make it even more brutal, but I'll save that for the upcoming parts. It will have some Bucky x reader as well 🖤

God Bless America('s ass).

oh, and let me know if you wish to be tagged!

[boldlyexplorational]

I know you all know this scene, but what if I told you: It's not as gay as it looks?

But wait! It still makes a great point for Spirk, the episode and Kirk's character. Ok hear me out:

When Spock enters the room he's surprised and confused. Some (me included), watching this for the first time, immediately identified his reaction as Gay Panic. Which is not all wrong. Then the whole exchange sounds like the incipit of an adult movie ... But then I thought about it, tried to contextualize the scene.

Imagine a colleague calls you at work to tell you your boss is acting really strange, drinking on the job, even. They ask you to go check on them and you go to your boss' office to find them there, half naked. This is the first time you see their nipples. And he's talking all low and acting gentle while they're usually loud and commending. You would probably register this as strange behavior as well.

This is what is happening to Spock here.

So I think his actual main sentiment there is surprise because the Captain is showing himself in a very vulnerable state. Even if Kirk and Spock consider each close friends, Spock makes a point of reminding Kirk how important it is that he appears as flawless, strong and decisive as possible in front of the crew to maintain control. And Spock doesn't feel exempted from this. But apparently suddenly he is? Something is wrong.

Of course we know that that shirtless guy is Soft Kirk (as opposed to Feral Kirk) the most gentle and vulnerable version of the Captain, that's the reason why he didn't think he needed to put his shirt back on to receive his first officer in his room.

To the audience this scene should be the equivalent of the violent scene with Janice. The one with Janice shows us the true dangers of Feral Kirk, the one with Spock is meant to make us understand that the other Kirk is not just "real Kirk" but "Soft Kirk". We should also be surprised that Kirk is letting someone see him in such a casual, informal state. Kirk would never.

But we're not, surprised, because we're biased by our own idea of Spock and Kirk being very close, and even the scene being slightly sexually charged because of nudity. In 2024 we see a lot of naked man chests every day, and if we are open minded enough we can see homoerotic subtext in a man being exposed to the sight of another man's bare chest. But at that time I have to assume it was much more unusual, so it carried a completely different meaning in context: it's not one of those times where one may say "if Spock were a woman in that scene, there would be no doubt about the implied attraction in there"

A woman would never be put in that situation, it would have been improper exactly because if it's a woman it implies sexual tension (which is not the point, because Soft Kirk is not sexual, Feral Kirk is). But this scene between men is, by society perception at the time, devoid of sexual undertones because two men could never be implied to be attracted to each other in that circumstances. Because gay isn't an option to begin with.

It's pretty ironic of course how a lot of people weren't actually thinking like that and went like "these guys are about to kiss on the mouth". Because proper society said "no homo" but the fangirlies had other ideas. And it's fascinating how on the end this appeared to be a revelatory experience for Kirk, who then must have discovered he actually had no problem being half naked in front of Spock. So much so that he seems to punctually wait to be shirtless before calling Spock on the videophone.

So in the end this scene, which I believe had a totally different purpose than the way it is perceived today, actually triggered a new level of intimacy between Kirk and Spock, which led to that landslide that's their peculiar... one might say queer, lifelong bond

[devourers-of-god]

Hii :D

for first i wanted to say that i love your blog and the way you describe the characters!

can i request HC of the characters on valentine's day? if you don't want to do it to everyone, it could be just Travis and Sal. i'll let you decide there, take as much time as you want and if you don't want to do it, everything is fine. (i hope i wrote it well, it's a bit difficult for me to write in english)

HIII! thank you so much for the compliments it is very heart warming :( SOrry im late about your request HAHAH I will indeed do Sal and Travis only,,, you know me so well anon ,,, You wrote everything perfectly !! I couldn't have guessed if you didn't tell me :) ILY REQUESTS ARE OPEN PEOPLE! LOOK ALIVE! /ref but plz everyone, read my carrd In my bio before submitting.. its upsetting to see asks that doesn't meet my rules...

SAL AND TRAVIS ON VALENTINES DAY

Type : Headcanons

Warnings: None! Mostly Fluff sorry y'all I don't write nsfw

SAL

= Sal prepared some things for you by the gentle help of Ashley, because sal didn't know how to please you and Ash is your best friend.

= I think Sal would make you a valentines boo basket like the ones you see on TikTok. Filled with your favourite chocolates and CDS, cute slippers, horror movie blanket, jewelry and some surprises connected to your interests.

= He would come by your apartment/house and wear ''clean clothes'' ( Jeans he washed the night before and his favourite shirt lol), with his nails freshly painted of a beautiful black colour.

= He also brought movies to watch, romantic ones you say? Hell nah this Sal Fisher, he brought horror movies that you would enjoy.

= You were so happy by his gifts that you jumped right into his arms and dragged him into your room, he cuddled and kissed you A BUNCH because boy was he happy his partner liked what he bought them. He filled your entire face with kisses, when Sal started he couldn't stop.

= After all the affection was received, you two were stuck on the couch, under your new blanket, cuddling and watching movies. For the occasion Sal took off his mask, only if no one was there that day, which made you very happy and flustered to see your lover's face after a long day.

TRAVIS (ARGHBHHH EEEK ^0^DNWAODNSNF)

= Travis already struggles with showing affection, it was very hard to warp his mind around celebrating for the first time in his life Valentines day with his boyfriend.

= He also had to ask Ashley because she's your best friend after all, she recommended following his heart and doing something classic to not stress him too much. And that he did!

= My sweet boy put on a suit for you and bought flowers, not just any flowers tho, Travis believe in flower language. Which is that every single flower has a different meaning when given. He carefully chose Daisies (I truly love you), Red Carnation (My heart aches for you), Honey Suckles (Devoted affection) and lastly, Salvia Red (forever mine). Yes he could've chosen classic roses but he felt like you might think that he didn't put in any effort.

= This boy is an hopeless romantic and decided to write you a letter about his true feelings since he was so bad at expressing them in front of you, words couldn't leave his mouth but they were flowing with the help of his fountain pen.

= He then picked up gourmet chocolates, a bit expensive but he thought it would make you happy. Ashley suggested that he makes a mixtape of your favourite songs on a cassette since you had a walkman. He made 2 mixtapes, one of your favourites and the other one is songs that reminds him of you.

= He showed up to your door in the evening and your jaw dropped, seeing your boyfriend in a suit made you feel things you've never felt before. He felt super happy by your reaction and the letter was so profound it made you cry. You also knew flower language and you were basically bawling because of the effort (and money) he spent on you.

OKAY DONE ! you guys can see that I prefer travis over sal oops,,, I hope everyone still loved it! plz plz plz send me things because im desperate.... I love you all guys.......

[eerna]

Not to like compare who's better among all the Orpheuses, but who do you like best and in ascending/descending order (not to say that the lowest is the worse) among the Orpheuses?

I've only listened to Reeve and Damon btw hehe

Huehuehue ofc!! I have heard audio boots from quite a few, watched a couple on video boots. I only saw Donal Finn live.

8.) Reeve Carney (2020-2024). I know you said that lowest doesn't mean the worse, but for me... I can't stand this performance. You'll see my ranking of pre-2020 Reeve super high up, so I have 0 idea why this happened. He became breathy, shrill, started speaking every other line (for a role THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE MEMORABLE FOR HIS SINGING) and his acting turned wooden. His arms do the Bill Cipher thing and I feel 0 chemistry between him and Eurydice. It is painful to watch bootlegs from this period, which sucks because MOST of his bootlegs are from this period. I can't tell if this happened right after the opening night in 2019, but he wasn't like this in the previews, and idk why the change happened.

7.) Jordan Fisher. Idk if this is controversial, but I think he doesn't get the role at all. His voice is good, but I feel no humility or honesty in his emotions, he performs it as he would any other role he is cast in. He plays himself playing Orpheus, if it makes any sense.

6.) Damon Daunno. I like him, but the NYTW Orpheus just doesn't mesh well with me.

5.) Reeve Carney (2017-2018). Similar to Damon, Edmonton/London Orpheus is just not my thing. Ranked higher than Damon because I think he's vocally better.

4.) Nicholas Barasch, J. Antonio Rodriguez. I like them! But it's a little like they are playing Reeve Carney playing Orpheus.

3.) Reeve Carney (2019-2020). The Orpheus who made me fall in love with this show. The bootleg from the previews was my optimal Hadestown experience before I saw it live for the first time. This is where Orpheus as a character became who he is, gentle and romantic, and the way he looks at Eva Noblezada in that bootleg specifically makes me feel faint. My fav version of the couple.

2.) Chibueze Ihuoma. Good lord. He is number 2 by a hair, he could easily share the no 1 spot. The fact that he was never the principal Orpheus even after 5 years of understudying boggles my mind. He is the one who does the "poor naiive little romantic boy" take on the role the best. I believe every expression, every gesture, every line. He is just a confused artistic dreamer who loved this world so much and tragically lost his optimism!!! And his vocals? He glides across that falsetto like an ice skater and makes it seem effortless. His voice feels like an extension of him instead of something he puts on for a show, which is to me one of the best ways to sing in a production - I don't want to be reminded the person onstage is a singer who has done this 1000 times before in different roles. He entirely embodies the clear, perfect voice of Orpheus - truly, "he sang just like a bird up on the line". I feel like he is to Orpheus what Eva Noblezada is to Eurydice, hearing them together would probably forever change my world.

1.) Donal Finn. Completely different take on the character from Broadway, he is halfway between NYTW's charming confident musician and Broadway's gentle romantic dreamer, and somehow this is the perfect combination that makes me personally fall in love with Orpheus. I can't describe how it felt to walk into that theater so sure I know the production inside and out and that nothing could surprise me, and then seeing this performance. He has something that I haven't seen in any other version: he is utterly broken and entirely rageful. If It's True begins with him pressing his face to the floor, heartbroken, and ends with him angrily screaming out rallying calls, and Donal manages the transition PERFECTLY. There's something about seeing Orpheus not only gradually lose his optimism, but also gentleness, while remaining so vulnerable and tragic. His voice is so melodic and beautiful and he can really nail the balance between singing and speaking in ways Reeve never succeeded. Even when he "ugly sings" it is still on point. Like Chibueze, his voice is an extension of him instead of a karaoke-like performance, and his accent is so damn endearing idk how I will ever NOT hear Orpheus as Irish. Also he couldn't stop sobbing during his final curtain call and I've never seen that before which makes him all the more endearing. I hope he will play Orpheus on the West End recording!

[aritsukemo]

So, I started watching Hell's Paradise..

IT'S. SO. FREAKING. GOOD!!! ( Ramble under the cut! Spoilers and possible grammar mistakes ahead!!! )

I'm only on, like, episode seven, but I'm really enjoying myself!!!

Starting off with my boy, my man, my loverboy nonchalant Gabimaru!! His design immediately drew me in the first episode and I find his writing very good so far. A man, who was grown and groomed into being this emotionless killing machine only to dream of going completely against that all because of his love for his wife? SIGN ME UP!! I love how conflicted he is and how much those conflictions are weighing on him. How, because of how he was raised and what has happened to him, he's been treading this line and constantly tipping over the edge of "I'm a heartless, empty killer who's only purpose is to kill" and "I want to live a peaceful, normal life with the one I love/I don't want to kill anymore". The symbolism, how his character's portrayed, those small moments of vulnerability that shows how he differs from your typical cold killer and is actually just this morally broken guy who was raised/influenced by an actual monster; the head chief. ( Who, by the way, is literal nightmare fuel. I don't usually get creeped out easily by stuff in anime's, but the way Mappa went about drawing him is just..terrifying.. )

OH, AND HIS FIGHTING IS MMMM SO ADDICTING TO WATCH!! >.<

Next up is Yamada Asaemon Sagiri, or Sagiri for short. I want to first off get it out of the way by say that she's drop dead gorgeous. Imean, look at her!! No seriously, look-

As someone who absolutely adores strong female characters, it was no surprise that I fell in love with her! She reminds me a lot of Yona as she goes against what the norm was at the time and decided to become a swordsman despite everyone telling her she's better suited as a wife and mother simply because of the fact that she's a woman. ( Which irked me every. single. time. it was brought up btw ) I love how the author is going about her and how she struggles because she feels guilt for even the most evil of people simply because she's an empath--something that is often considered a womanly trait in the eyes of the people, especially men, of that time--but doesn't go too far with it and make her seem weak and useless because of those struggles. I like that, even though she hesitates and sometimes gets help from others ( mostly from Gabi from what I've seen so far ), she gets the job done and doesn't sit there and call for help like some damsel in distress and actually uses her strength!!

My love for her was explained pretty simply in episode six when Genji pointed out how she has the talent to be able to flip flop between being dominant and powerful like a man, but still holds the sense of gentleness and care one would only find in the heart of a woman. I love that quality about her in the same sense I love Mitsuri Kanroji's quality of being able to be cheery, feminine, and delicate despite being involved in such a 'manly' and grizzly job that being a demon slayer is.. AHHH IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT ANY FURTHER, I JUST HOPE YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!!

Next up is the vixen, Yuzuriha of Keishu. I haven't seen much of her yet, but I love her design and overall appeal. Although, she puts up this front of being this carefree, seductive airhead, you can tell there's just so much more to her and can't wait to see it. ( Although I feel like when she does show her true colors, it'll be when she finally betrays Gabimaru and Sagiri like she implied she would.. )

( Also this little stunt she pulled in this clip had me in a chokehold for a hot minute. Like MMMMM LOVE IT WHEN HOT WOMEN DO HOT WOMEN THINGS!! )

Toma and Chōbei are next up! When I first saw Chōbei, of course my mind immediately went to, "Oh shit, it's bakugo!" lmao- His fighting style is cool and his backstory is heartbreaking. Past that though, I'm undecided whether I like him or not..

Like, his backstory was tragic and had me feeling bad as a sad backstory would. It was also amazing in the sense that it gave me more understanding on why he became the way he did and how his mentality was shaped because of it. I find it cool that he has a knack of adapting to any situation too! ..And that's also why I'm so conflicted when it comes to him..

That leads me to bring up Toma, who I immediately fell in love with as soon as I saw his character design. ( I have a thing for men/boys with long hair, mkay? Don't judge me.. ) I haven't really wrapped my head around his character yet ( like his brother ) but it's obviously that he sorta idolizes Chōbei, so much to the point that he didn't hold any gripes towards him when he thought he was going to leave him for dead--which is my main dislike about Chōbei right now.

But yeah, if I had the chance, I'd still date them no questions asked- *smack*

I find Gantetsusai and Fuchi funny and cute together and overall find a good so far. I especially like Fuchi. He's a quirky little guy 😚

( And this height difference kills me. Like LOOK AT HOW LITTLE FUCHI ISSS )

And finally, we have Nurugai and Tenza, who is ranking up to be my 2nd favorite pair in this entire show! Putting aside that Nurugai literally evokes my gender envy, I love her and Tenza both individually and together! I love Tenza's kind soul, how he scouted out Nurugai because he wanted to help her after finding out why she was sentenced to death row! I find it such a highlight of his character and it makes me love the contrast between his brighter self when compared to Nurugai, who's more gloomy and has been traumatized into adapting this matured mindset.

Bonus points for being the only two to not immediately get into it with each other when on the island as well! It really was a breath of fresh air! Oh, an extra points for making me smile like an idiot- 🥰

So far I'm in love with this show! Idk yet where it falls on my anime rankings, but it's definitely high enough up there to spur me to write a drabble or five about this show! Can't wait to watch more in my spar time!!

[lostacelonnie]

Hi, don't know if you remember me but you recently rbed my post about how Siegfried reuniting w his daughters was a rushed scene and I wanted to hear your opinions on the matter? Sorry if it's overstepping but im just curious haha.

Have a nice day!

AH HI!!! right yes i did thank you for reminding me!!!! i have very strong opinions on the matter so ill be happy to share.

(for people who haven't seen the og post, here it is)

THE SHORT VERSION: i agree with you completely and am Extremely Angry at mihoyo because EVERYONE is mischaracterized in that scene. or rather, in the entirety of moon arc, but that's something for another post.

THE LONG VERSION:

I Am So Fucking Mad.

so first of all, im probs gonna focus on bianka a lot in this because im unbelievably obsessed with her. and goddamn was that scene so bad. and also repeat a lot of things you Already Said.

to begin. it's very rushed!!!!!! this scene in its Base Format is inherently flawed simply because... bianka would not reveal her origin that early. like obviously at that point she was already being written very ooc [LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ARC. SERIOUSLY. IM SO ANGRY ABOUT THAT] but arrrghgh. at least before this scene they at least pretended to preserve bianka's. how do i call it. General Cautiousness?

this is something that clearly means a lot to her and is shown before trying to figure out how to break the news in a gentle way. she is simply not a person who would say [in a very strangely spoken way] "oh im your daughter by the way". She Would Not. this is a woman who would awkwardly try to hang out with these two for a solid 2 months as she feels out how to Tell Them. while obviously, during moon arc she had already spent enough time with the rest of the main cast to Chill Out a bit, she's still just!! kind of emotionally and socially awkward!!! but in a completely different way than showcased in moon arc. does that make sense

also bianka does not speak like that istg if mhy doesn't learn the difference between a character that is Kind Of Serious and a character that sounds like they use a thesaurus for most their sentences-

but kiana and siegfried aren't safe from this either!!!!!! as you said. they departed on Not Great terms and have been separated for years. while they act as if its been maybe a couple of days. its very disappointing for me personally to see the complete lack of regard for the fact that yes, they do care about each other and this reunion is a very happy one, but still!! their bond was. a rocky one.

plus, there's a giant difference between a preteen and, at that point, an adult woman so. siegfried is not meeting the same person he lost. kiana has changed, and due to her experiences- probably even abnormally so, so they NEED to rebuild their relationship simply because even IF before their separation there was no conflict, it would change the fact its been far too long to treat each other as if they have never been apart.

AND the fact that kiana especially was so... unbothered? by the fact that DURANDAL IS HER SISTER. like. do i even have to elaborate. kiana kaslana, world's #1 identity crisis haver, someone who idolized, hated, and respected bianka [in that order], was just like. okay 💗 yay 💗? sighs so deeply. look at how they massacred my girls

theres much more i could say but i dont quite know how to put most of my dislike of this scene into words so like. arrggh. it was personally very very frustrating to me because, as i said, i am a big fan of both kiana's and bianka's. identity, and especially family heritage, is an extremely important part of both of their characters and it was physically painful for me to see a scene i looked forward to A Lot be dismissed like this.

which, unfortunately, is true for most of the moon arc, since it was the worst offender for characterization [or rather, lack thereof] in the entire game, with basically everyone being reduced to a mildly philosophical much so devoid of personality i probably couldn't tell their lines apart if presented with a couple. but alas.

at least salt snow holy city arc was amazing

[damienthepious]

did you know that it's a full moon tonight? because that fact has shaped ALL my writing progress today.

i fucking hate this new editor by the way. i can BARELY fucking post fic at all anymore and it's fucking banishing me to the phantom zone. go read my fic on ao3 instead im begging you.

raised by wolves

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationships: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Rilla, Sir Damien, Lord Arum, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin' Tuesday, Established Relationship, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Werewolf!Rilla specifically, Secrets, (look i think rilla deserves to have some angsst explored for once), (uhhhh god there have GOT to be more tags uhh. i don't know i'll add more later), (In later chapters there will be), Implied/Referenced Harm to Children, Implied/Referenced Violence, Mild Injury

Summary: Rilla is keeping secrets.

Notes: This didn't exist this morning and now i've got a new fucking multichapter to worry about jesus fuck. hopefully (LMAO) this one won't actually be that long? if it goes according to.. plan???? yeah. right. fine. okayfine.

~

Rilla has always liked straight lines. Consistent rules. Categories, into which data points will neatly fall.

This might, possibly, have something to do with all the categories she falls between the cracks of, herself. Or maybe she was always going to be like this. Who knows? She doesn't exactly have a control group to check with. Life doesn't work like that; neat and tidy like her experiments. Life is messy. Her life, in particular, is messy. But, hey, at least it's messy mostly on a predictable cycle. Mostly.

Rilla packs her usual bag, false bottom carefully in place with her new tinctures alongside the old standbys. She pulls her hair out of her face and into a braid, and picks her way down to the greenhouse to say her goodbyes.

A newer wrinkle in the routine: saying her see-you-in-a-couple-days, I-promise-I'll-be-safe, try-to-remember-that-I-love-yous in the Keep, now, and not in her own hut. Saying them to Arum, too.

Arum hasn't questioned her absences, yet, because she goes off on her own all the time anyway, and because he never really seems to question her about leaving the Keep. She can tell that he doesn't want to remind her of being kept here, and... that isn't necessary, really, but it's sweet, in a way.

He and Damien can keep each other company while she's gone, too. Which is nice. Damien doesn't have to be quite so lonely when she's gone, anymore (and Arum doesn't have to be lonely at all, if she can help it).

She kisses Damien deep, distracted by the way his skin smells, this close to the moon, and when she pulls back Arum nuzzles his snout into her neck in a way that makes her want to growl, though she manages to suppress the urge into just a shudder as she wraps an arm around him and squeezes. No time for fun, just now, unfortunately. She kisses Arum's cheek, light and sweet to make him scowl, and then she peels herself away with a casual wave.

The Keep's portal drops her in the front room of her hut, receding back into the wide planter to the left of the hearth with a gentle farewell warble from the Keep (or at least... what she assumes is a gentle farewell warble), and Rilla grabs another one or two things to stuff into her pack before she steps out of the hut, locks up, and marches into the jungle.

Damien thinks that her monthly disappearances have to do with harvesting rare medicinal plants with very particular blooming cycles, which is... partly true. There are flowers and herbs to be harvested during the day, when she can. She doesn't like being less than honest with Damien, but she's been less than honest with every single person she's ever known since her parents were Exiled. And- it's a medical condition. Sort of. She's allowed to keep a medical condition private if she wants to.

Arum...

Arum complicates things. He's good at that.

Arum complicates her excuses for not telling Damien, specifically. Because if Damien can, in fact, put aside his animosities and find room in his heart for a monster...

(Maybe she could have told him ages ago.)

(Or maybe not. Maybe it would have been too much, before. Maybe he would have been terrified. Maybe he would have felt betrayed. Maybe he would have told the Crown. Maybe he would have-)

No one knows about the second hut, the same way no one knows about her condition. Though... "hut" is generous. Her home is a hut, cozy and carefully cluttered and warm and welcoming. This building is more of a shack, really. It's a fair hike from the hut, but she can get there before dusk with time to spare, which is pretty much the point. Technically speaking, she could just overnight here and then come back home during the day, if she really pushed it, but that would be a lot harder to explain than just saying that she needs to travel to a distant grove for botanical purposes.

It looks abandoned and ramshackle, but the door and the lock are sturdy, and Rilla has the key.

Sturdy, reinforced walls, a wooden locking bar to make certain that nothing gets in and out, no windows. Bare floors, excepting a chair and a desk in one corner for a little bit of reading or writing during the day, and a chest to keep her things in. Mostly open space, where Rilla spreads out the blankets she brought, right in front of the metal hoops for the chains.

She cut her timing a little close today, mostly because she wanted to actually enjoy her morning with Damien and Arum. She sighs, stretches, and unpacks her extra clothes into the chest so she can get to the false bottom of her pack and pull out her medicine.

First night. She'll go with her standby tincture, this time. She has a new experimental blend she wants to try, but she'd rather save it for tomorrow, the full moon, and see how it affects her on the day that hits her with the most severe symptoms. This one, she at least knows that it'll keep her mostly placid.

She sighs, uncorks the vial and slams it back like a shot, wrinkling her nose at the taste.

The medicine makes her memory a bit... muddy? But even before she developed this particular treatment regimen, she couldn't remember much about what happened, what she would do on the nights immediately surrounding the full moon.

She does know that she hates it here. Hates the chains, hates the wood against her claws, hates the drowsiness from the medicine. Hates being alone.

She packs her kit back up. She undresses to her underclothes, then stows her dress and shoes and the tinctures into the chest before she closes it with a click.

She goes to sit on the blankets on the floor, then, fixing the harness around her neck and chest and adjusting it to the marked positions. Rilla has been alone in one way or another since her parents left, she reminds herself as she settles in to wait, her skin already prickling and her eyes adjusting far too quickly to the dark.

The wolf will just have to cope.

[toskarin]

Language Disguises Thought, Baby (1/2)

I said I'd do this, so consider this the opening to my Space Dandy episode-by-episode minireview post. I'm going to break this up into season 1 and 2 because there's a very clear shift that happens between them (although I'd argue that a few late season 1 episodes show this shift)

there will be no scores, no rankings, just a few sentences and my take on whether I liked an episode or thought it fell flat. these are more of rambles than actual reviews, so I'm not even trying to offer anything besides my opinion

<EVERYBODY COME ON>!

1: Live with the Flow, Baby

this isn't my favourite episode, but it does something very important: it catches your attention. it very quickly and (arguably) elegantly teaches you about how inconsequential mortality is to the crew of the Aloha Oe. this may be a strange comparison, but it reminds me a lot of Ichigo Mashimaro Episode 0 in terms of tone

I forgot just how funny this show was. improved immensely by watching it on a couch with others, so that no slapstick or animation gag goes un-giggled-at

in isolation, this is a very okay episode. as the first episode tasked with easing people into a very weird show, it does its job well

2: The Search for the Phantom Space Ramen, Baby

I may be a bit biased in saying this, because there's a memory attached to this episode, but this is one of my favourites of early season 1. Meow is a very charismatic character who would be completely insufferable if not for Dandy, and the same is true in reverse

the martial arts homage in this episode is fantastic, even if it feels a bit like a red herring for Cowboy Bebop fans in the same way as the woolongs are

you also start seeing the existential themes emerging which become the show's bread and butter later on. this is an episode I'd consider "essential" to understanding the tone of Space Dandy

3: Occasionally Even the Deceiver Is Deceived, Baby

an incredibly funny episode. I remember people making a big deal out of this back when the series first aired, with plenty of people dropping it outright (as was the fashion at the time) because it seemed like it was going to be an ecchi comedy

all that said, there's so many visual gags in this episode. it feels weird to try and fine-comb what makes these early episodes good, given how obvious it is: they're not afraid to be silly and have fun

I'm being very gentle on the first few episodes because opening for a show like Space Dandy before anything was really established had to be brutal

4: Sometimes You Can't Live with Dying, Baby

the first time I saw this episode, as it was airing, I still hadn't realised how the show was going to be formatted. the second half felt like a kick in the ribs that I didn't fully recover from until several episodes later, when I finally stopped trying to figure out how the zombie thing resolved

this episode is a little bit of a dud to me, despite the hilarious second half, because it's just not all that interesting. even so, a middling episode of Space Dandy still beats [checks what else was on at the time] ah, yeah, that's why I don't remember much about this season besides the four series I watched at the time

what do you want me to say about it? it's the zombie episode. it's fine. I could take or leave it

5: A Merry Companion Is a Wagon in Space, Baby

I've spent years singing this episode's praises. I watched it three times when it came out. can you imagine how scared I was about the off chance I'd see it on the rewatch and find it lost its luster? the good news is, it didn't. I still got a little choked up

A Merry Companion stands so strongly that it could have existed outside of Space Dandy as its own series. fortunately, it doesn't have to. for my money, this is the best episode of the entire series.

and what a needle drop! the montage of Dandy and Adélie travelling to Want to Know has some of the best vibes (for lack of a better word) the series ever clicks together

heartfelt, melancholy, and sincere. paced like a delicious meal that leaves you wanting nothing. peak television. this is the episode where Dandy becomes really likeable beyond surface level novelty

6: The War of the Undies and Vests, Baby

this episode has one of the "dudes rock" moments of all time when Dandy and Meow are arbitrarily assigned sides in a pointless conflict and immediately start beating each other up for reasons they don't understand. this episode would be a dud to me if it weren't so funny

...and if it didn't have that finale.

regardless of how you feel about the entire plot of this episode being designed to anticlimax and set the stage for the Stardust Pipeline needle drop, it's a great needle drop, so it's hard to feel too grouchy about that

of course, maybe that's the point? Space Dandy is about nonsequiturs and going with the flow, so this episode actually conveys that philosophy really well. a passing grade, if only on technicality

7: A Race in Space Is Dangerous, Baby

I like death races. I like bishies. I like homoeroticism, and I like rock organ solos. these are all things you should know about me before you get upset that I really enjoyed this episode.

the sheer quantity of colourful fun in this episode is unbelievable. it's incoherent, it doesn't say much, but it stuck the landing for me. this episode is quintessential Space Dandy, distilled... for better and worse! but that's part of why I like it

also Dandy symbolically tops a twink in this episode and it's not subtext. lot to unpack there.

8: The Lonely Pooch Planet, Baby

a rare case where the second half of the episode being so irreverent actually does detract from the first half. this is another episode where we get to see the heart behind Space Dandy, and then we get a diversion into an (admittedly funny) slapstick plot

this one doesn't really stick with me as much as it should, given how gorgeous the animation is. I don't think they needed to change the format, but I'm not sure they chose the correct second half for this one

this episode, to me, falls flat. sadly.

9: Plants Are Living Things, Too, Baby

inconsolable. this episode is every bit as insane as I remembered.

looping back around to the criticism I made of episode 8, this episode doesn't even have a pivot. it's just a weird enough concept to feel confident in riding it out until the end

and you know what? it works. I got emotional over some faceless plants.

heartfelt, beautiful, and of course, lots of fun. this episode is a treat and it would be a disservice to try and fail to articulate every reason why

10: There's Always Tomorrow, Baby

I completely forgot the lesbian twist and almost threw up laughing. this episode manages to combine quiet beauty and batshit humour seamlessly, with a universally understandable emotional thread. Meow becomes a significantly more likeable character for having this context

and credit where it's due, the lesbian gag is really good. it doesn't feel mean-spirited and is careful to ensure that the joke comes off as "Meow realises that he never asked if his crush was actually into him" instead of "Katie is a lesbian and this is Meow's divine punishment for abandoning his friends"

the Endless Eight homage is cute, too. this, in all honesty, feels like the first episode to engage fully with the themes that would define season 2

11: I'm Never Remembering You, Baby

do you ever feel like you're willingly calling yourself an idiot online and nobody's even paying you to do it? that's how I feel saying that this episode is just okay to me.

the concept of the librarian is extremely creative, along with the library planet and the way it works. it just doesn't do as much for me as the more colourful episodes

12: Nobody Knows the Chameleon Alien, Baby

big fan of this episode. there are so many amazing gags in it that you'd be doing yourself a disservice by watching it alone

with that praise delivered, it's a really straightforward concept and I'm not sure what I can say about it. it's funny that QT gets really into fishing for tsuchinoko, it's funny that the chameleonian disguises itself as a random guy, it's funny that they have a game show

it's a funny episode. I like the jokes, and that's a perfectly fine way to be a good episode

13: Even Vacuum Cleaners Fall in Love, Baby

I fully believe this episode started as a post-it note. the concept of "a vacuum cleaner falls in love with a coffee maker that gets thrown away" just feels like that. what a sweet episode, though

some wild sakuga in this one for a character who doesn't really lend to sakuga. the novelty of seeing QT engage in mecha combat elevated the finale of this episode

this is also a pretty nice continuation of the plot thread where our trio has to come to accept that not everyone is available to them. just like with Katie, there's plenty of obvious foreshadowing that QT is missing something

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

CAN YOU FUCK KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA?

Here he comes, rougher than the rest of 'em. The best of 'em, tougher than leather. You can call him Knuckles. Unlike Sonic he doesn't chuckle, he'd rather flex his muscles. He's hard

Our oldest character thus far, in terms of game release dates! Not counting Metal Sonic, since his fuckability status is currently MIA until Sonic himself is tackled. Funny enough, this one's gonna be pretty easy, despite how major of a character he is- but I'm getting ahead of myself. As usual, we'll start with Sonic Channel archives, because clearly those are a reliable source of information. Clearly. No sarcasm there whatsoever. Totally.

Hm. So... Sonic Channel says he's 16! Oh no! He's not fuckable! Welp, you heard it here folks, you can't fuck Knuckles Th

Oh. This again. Gentle reminder that these ages are nowhere to be seen in the original Japanese manual. They were likely made up on the spot by some guy Sega USA with very little communication between anyone who may be an even remotely qualified to say anything on these ages. Oh, and here's proof that the age is not listed whatsoever. Alongside a link to the entire Japanese manual.

So, that's out the window! How will we ever know if Knuckles is fuckable? How could we ever, ever know?

... Oh.

So, as we've covered previously, Rouge is, in fact, very thoroughly fuckable. She is the most sexualized character in the series, and her often suggestive nature and behavior is pretty integral to her identity. So, she's an adult... Who has been Knuckles's shiptease ever since Sonic Adventure 2, and continued to be so in official material, canon or not. Although it's not explored often, it's still thrown in here and there. Not a subscriber myself, but the fact that the official content is so willing to have this going on shows that they're at least even in terms of maturity. Otherwise, this would be weird! Really, really weird! And I do not wanna live in a world where my favorite gender-envy-inducing bat lady is going after minors.

So, his interactions with Rouge already ensure that, unless Sega is promoting really creepy behavior, Knuckles is most certainly an adult who can consent and could absolutely be in a relationship with another adult. On top of that- even if his age of 16 from his Heroes manual was true at the time of that game happening, there's something the series almost never touches on that would instantly invalidate it-- completely ignoring the fact the ship had already been teased before Heroes, in SA2, which would, again, make it really weird--, which is that believe it or not, despite these being funny anthro cartoon animals with magic powers or whatever, time does still pass in the Sonic universe. Sonic Generations shows the cast celebrating Sonic's in-universe birthday, and Sonic Forces has a 6-month timeskip in the middle of the game. Add on top of that the fact that a metric fuckton of games have come out since Heroes and likely didn't just happen within the same week, there's absolutely no way that Knuckles could still be 16, assuming he even was 16 in the first place when Heroes came out, which he most likely was not.

Yes, it's a series with cartoon animals that often adheres to cartoon logic, but if it was completely batshit insane and had no sense of time whatsoever or any ability to take its timeline and worldbuilding seriously, there wouldn't be an entire lorekeeping team at Sega now, would there? Yes, that's a thing. As of somewhat recently, matter of fact! But, that's a side tangent.

So, with all that, let's answer the question;

Can you fuck Knuckles The Echidna?

I mean... Yeah? Obviously?

He's literally being soft-shipped with the sluttiest character in the series by a long shot in official content, he's been around the longest out of anyone in the cast, already being incredibly familiar with the island he inhabits and skilled in his debut game, and overall has no traits that could point at him being that young. Again, he's probably about on average with Rouge on that end. So, yes-

You can, in fact, fuck Knuckles The Echidna.

I know some of y'all are going to be very happy about this one. Buncha furries. Again, hey, I'm not judging. You go have fun.

[idyllic-affections]

tbh, when I saw Skirk, I just thought she kinda looked like a knock-off Jingliu. I mean, we glimpse some more interesting design bits like fins (possibly indicating some sort of connection with the Abyss Whale, the whale btw is just.... mmmm *chefs kiss*, water-themed kaiju ) which brings an issue with howna good portion of the adult model Xianzhou women are all wearing extremely similar outfits with some small personalization and differing color palettes, which is something I honestly didn't realize until someone on discord pointed it out. But that's a discussion for a another ask.

Ans I agree with you, I was always envisioning this rugged, scarred, battleworn woman. Somebody whose spent so much time trapped in a lightless hellscape, fighting day-in and day-out against the monstrous inhabitants, that she herself has started to become something of a monster herself. She's beautiful, but not in the traditional/generic way. Paraphrasing you slightly Alphe, she's not elegant, she's not super precise or surgical with the way she fights, she's feral, monstrous even. She's beautiful not in a way that beguiles, but unnerves, perhaps even terrifies the viewer. That's the vision for her that was in the back of my mind when she was described.

This also brings me a very annoying trend I've noticed. How there's literally not a single female genshin character (or just hoyoverse female in general) who has any visible scars. The closest I can find is Beidou with her missing eye, but I would argue that still doesn't really count because we can't see the area (I’m not saying we need to see her fucked eye, more that'd be cool if we got a glimpse of the area poking out around the eyepatch). And she's not the only one who I feel like we should see some scars on.

Dehya, Candace, Sara, Shenhe. And those are just the ones I can think of.

And I can definitely understand  🦢Anon's feelings for Natlan and Snezhnaya. I'm particularly worried about Natlan, particularly what they're gonna make of Murata, who - to paraphrase Christopher Judge - is a FUCKING GOD OF WAR.

she SOO reminds me of jingliu, you're right. and that's also very true. i noticed that when designing my first honkai star rail oc, lian. it was a huge issue for me because it made it hard to find inspiration.

YOU GET ME SOBS i understand the appeal of delicate designs, i do, but there's so fucking many!!! in hyv games!!!!! is it so bad of me to wish for One rugged lady warrior....... arlecchino is good though i like her design <3 BUT YOU GET IT!!! SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND ELEGANT BUT IN A NONHUMAN WAY!!!! SHE'S ELEGANT LIKE A HUMAN WHO HAS SLOWLY BEEN CORRUPTED BY EDLRITCH FORCES!!!!! SHE IS BEAUTIFUL IN AN OTHERWORLDLY AND UNNERVING WAY!!!!!! she is a warrior with little honor left in her, because there is no such thing in the abyss.

NO YEAH it's like :((( give them scars!!!!! scars tell stories!!!!!!!

i've been generally gentle about my thoughts on skirk but i will be LIVID if they do this with murata and the tsaritsa.

[bonesandthebees]

A song got me thinking about the latest chapter of Glass Divine so I'm here to talk about identity again

Now that I'm not as heated/have had some time to think I can definitely see how it wasn't necessarily a power play on Tommy's part. The action really, really reminds me of a power play because it was done in the same way that one would to pull a power play. If Tommy had different intentions, he could definitely use that name to have power over Wilbur. Obviously, he's not going to. I don't think Wilbur is even afraid of that, he knows that the worst Tommy is going to do with the name is just use it, but it's still interesting to me as the reader to think about what-ifs.

I'm thinking about what will happen as Tommy continues to use the name. I'm wondering if this will damage the trust between the two of them. I'm so primed by Stars to think about trust, and the feebleness of it all - I doubt that there's anything that can destroy the trust between Wilbur and Tommy, though. Because that trust was created illogically, it cannot be harmed by something that would logically disrupt trust. So if I was to predict anything, I would think that Wilbur would go along with it, while silently thinking to himself "That's not my name" or something along those lines.

Or maybe I'm wrong - Maybe Wilbur will push back. Maybe there was trust that was broken. Then I would have to adjust my model of how I understand Tommy and Wilbur's friendship to work

Then I started trying to think about Wilbur's identity. Then I fell into a rabbit hole where I went back and forth about how exactly I view the role of the pythia. I wrote all of those thoughts out but they're very philosophical and nonsensical and probably say too much about how I myself tend to project onto Wilbur as a character. So those are going to stay in the depths of my notes app

After writing that, I went back to listen to the same music that prompted me to rethink all of this in the first place. And I wanted to find something to sum up my feelings on identity and its role in this fic.

I think that Wilbur is clueless as to what an identity is.

To Wilbur, identity must be this fleeting concept, similar to love or god or any other idea that is hard for some people to wrap their minds around, and easy for others. He might believe that there is no objective truth out there. He might think that he has no identity, objectively. Being the pythia is concrete. Being Wilbur is not

I also think that Tommy knows much better than Wilbur what Wilbur's identity is. I think that the reason Tommy and Wilbur were able to grow together so quickly is because Tommy quickly saw a glimpse of Wilbur's true identity, and he needed to learn more.

This is my current working theory of how this dynamic operates, and it will most definitely evolve as the fic evolves

Goddamn it Bee, you've sent me into an existential crisis/lh

-🔥

yeah the thing is is that in another story or with a different character that would've 100% been a power play. but it's tommy trying to help wilbur. when it comes to religious brainwashing as severe as what wilbur's gone through, you can't do things the gentle and easy way. you have to brute force your way through it and while it's not perfect it's what's gonna happen.

you'll have to wait for the next chapter to see how wilbur reacts though :) tommy and wilbur's budding friendship is very much defined by the notion of it not making sense, but happening anyway

wilbur doesn't have a great understanding of personal identity vs a role. he has no identity himself. he's been told he's not supposed to have an identity. his only identity is his purpose which is to be the pythia. so identity is a foreign concept to him because his was ripped away from him at such a young age. tommy is already seeing pieces of wilbur's identity fall through the cracks, and he's determined to dig it out no matter what. but it'll be an uphill battle for sure.

sorry for the existential crisis lmaoooo but i'm glad you're enjoying

[acourtofthought]

What are your thoughts on the way elriels have made Elain to be this perfect characher who never done a single thing wrong in her existence ?

I'll be honest, I think part of the reason i lately find Elain insufferable is because of Elriels. They've reduced her character to a man's LI who bakes and because it's been some time since I read ACOTAR, one can't help but blur the line between fanon and actual canon text, especially a character who's severely underdeveloped. I have to remind myself, I once liked Elain... before Elriels ruined her for me. I have to tell myself elriels don't fucking own her character, she belongs to SJM, literally.

But I do think Elain is a character with huge potential, so I have to refrain from making any judgement towards her until she's further developed but, if she were perfect, she wouldn't be a true SJM character. She is not without flaws. A lot of readers focus on how her and Azriels kiss made Az look like an ass, but it was Elain who made the move. She is just as guilty, her mate was the house, imo it made her look just as bad. Like, out of all the nights, why that night? Is she trying to intentionally hurt Lucien? We don't know, so it's all assumption but I think both Az and Elain were in the wrong, not just Az. Had it been any other night, other different circumstances it may not been so bad.

Lastly, I don't think it's a coincendece that in the same book Cassian says he thinks Elain is up to something, the human queen (I forgot her name) says there are others in the NC for the right prize will do anything. Who else is made, and can likely handle the trove, since like calls to like. Elain. Not saying she will betray her friends and family, but she wouldn't be a SJM character if she didn't make mistakes or have flaws to grow as a character, and that's what I want to see. I want Elain making regretful decisions and learning from them. I want to see her find her independence but as we all know that doesn't come without growing pains. I want SJM to push Elain out of her comfort zone; because right now, she's a sitting duck, going through the motions. And let's get THE HELL out the NC, it's doing nothing for her growth.

I know my response might not be what you were hoping to hear because while I do think Elain has her own flaws, I am probably more Pro Elain than you might be hoping for (though I completely understand why some perceptions of Elain might turn you off from her. I extremely dislike versions of Elain that make her so soft and quiet and gentle and who needs to be protected by her big strong Illyrian warrior).

I tend to have a different take on Cassian noticing a tightness to Elain's face. Either she left dinner early because Az was at that family dinner and she knew he had been avoiding them because of her (meaning she actually didn't have to be up early at all and was just making an excuse to leave the table:

"Elain had already departed with Feyre, claiming she had to be up with the dawn to tend to an elderly faerie's garden. Cassian didn't exactly know why he suspected this wasn't true. There had been some tightness to Elain's face as she'd said it."

"and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much. Elain's large brown eyes flickered, well aware of all that. Just as he knew she was well aware of why Azriel so rarely came to family dinners these days."

If Elain knew Az was uncomfortable being around her because her bond made him uncomfortable, then she might not want to stay at a dinner he was attending longer than necessary. As a result, she would have made an excuse for why she was leaving the table.

Or, I think Elain could be an owl shifter and she felt the need to shift. If it's something new, she might not have control over when and how it happens.

But.....there is no denying that Elain has negatives to her character (because no SJM FMC would get a book without them).

We finally saw some backbone from her in SF (and maybe a peek in ACOMAF when she stood up to Nesta in order to let Feyre use their manor as a meeting spot for the human Queens) but there is no denying that Elain is allowing life to just happen to her. On one hand it's great that she tries to make the best out of any situation but on the other, she's never going to DO anything with that mentality. Life will just keep happening to her whether it's what she really wants or not. Elain needs to learn to fight for what will bring her actual happiness and not just her attempts at being happy regardless of the hand she's dealt.

That is what leads to growth.

I don't fault Elain for wanting to kiss Az (because she deserves a rebound if that's what she needs) but I completely agree that doing it on Solstice with her Mate around is a bit of a dick move. Maybe we'll find out that Lucien was aware of what was going on then we'll see him get angry and finally ask Elain for answers as to what she wants to do about the bond(he too has been pretty complacent about fighting for what he wants. I respect that he's giving Elain time but for all his longing, he hasn't come out and directly asked to have a conversation with her).

I think Anti E/riels tend to focus more on Az as the problem in the Bonus Chapter because of what he reduced Elain too. Though Elain could have waited until Lucien wasn't there, on some level she doesn't necessarily owe him anything (maybe? Sometimes I think they still owe one another common courtesy while other times I think that if it was acceptable for Nesta to treat Cassian than way she did, is it fair to judge Elain so harshly for her actions?). This is a male who is acting like he actually might like Elain, who is willing to sleep with Elain, but then turns around, tells us he just wants her because she's the third sister, that he hasn't thought of a future with her and is probably still in love with Mor. He and Elain have developed something over the last year and I think people do expect there to be a greater level of respect between friends than strangers (because that is still what Elain and Lucien kind of are).

And yes, I COMPLETELY agree that Elain needs out of the NC. It's great that she made friends with the twins and all that but she is BORING right now 😂. There is no life to any of her relationships, they're all just so nice and comfortable and.... Surface level.

Elain can still be kind, she can still decide she wants to stay away from cruelty and weapons. But a life where everything (including her relationships) are lukewarm is not much of a life at all. Elain has no passion in the NC (and gardening is something she enjoys but I've yet to see it evoke extreme emotions from her). I want her to grow while still retaining who she is as a person and I don't see that happening where she's at.

Hopefully though, SJM will create a more fleshed out version of Elain in her book. One where we can all acknowledge that she's got strengths, she's got weaknesses, but at the end of the story we are still really happy with the direction the author took her and proud of the character she's become.

[hypnagogics]

rayray, whenever i start yappin in a reblog of one of your masterpieces, i feel like i'm beginning to sound like a bit of a broken record….but nevertheless, my appreciation yap begins here once more! smackin on a read more because…….this is gonna be a long one. put your seatbelts on, grab a snack and a drink, n lets get started!

SO. when i open a post of yours, a few things always stand out to me immediately. the first being the aesthetic. its so perfectly YOU each time, i applaud you for being so consistent, and they're always just so sleek.

the next, is the atmosphere you create with your words. from the very first paragraph, i was just transported, wooshed away into the rainy midnight of new york. i really don't know how you do this, because it rarely happens!! (i've definitely said that before…but don't mind me because ima say it even more!) you've got such a way of creating a literal movie inside readers’ minds as we read, its spectacular. i can hear the honking of the yellow taxi cabs, the signature new york-ian accent of passerbys, the indistinct chatter of abby's earpiece as she stands next to reader, i could go on!

but the last thing that stands out to me, is the way all your characters are layered. they have substance, reason, they're so true to life, its impossible to not feel something for them.

Better than anyone, Abby knows the gleam in your eyes is too dangerous to entertain, so she looks forward. It’s what she's paid to do, to keep you safe. Not to entertain some weird crush that will soon pass when you move on to the next actress, artist, or producer. She doesn’t need a reminder of how different your world is, she’s already abundantly clear on where the both of you stand. Worlds apart from each other, even if you’re leaning against her, the greedy hands of the public grab onto you first, mercilessly sucking the life out of anyone who enters your life. 

like here, how you make the two characters’ deep bond so clear and unmissable, it sucks us in withing moments, and now we are officially unable to stop reading.

the backstories to every single one of your masterpieces wow me every damn time. it's insane! i loved learning about how abby came to be reader's bodyguard, and how her new job progressed. you make everything flow so so perfectly, we all need to take notes on how to enhance our stories!!

All Abby could think about if this moment was captured, it would be perceived as intimate. It felt like it was, but she didn’t want the entire world to see. Not when she felt the two of you walking this very nimble line of friends, something professional, and something more. She didn’t need thousands of eyes giving their two senses in a situation she didn’t even fully understand yet.

also always in awe at how you make such a simple little moment, be so meaningful.

Even as time passed, the two of you became friends through your employment, spending all your time with her during press season for your upcoming film, Lonely Is The Muse, together.

OKAYYYY TITLE DROPPPPP this gave me chills, its so professional.

It doesn't really matter, you just want that.

the yearning….oh gosh. this hurt, because the ache of watching others have what you desire is a really nasty kind of pain, one you feel like you shouldn't indulge in. maybe feeling selfish, ungrateful, but all it is, is human.

If it was even possible, Abby pulls you closer to her, not urging a word more. It’s how she is, cold and distant to some but they don’t feel the stutter in her breath when you’re near or the soft pad of her thumb rubbing soothingly on the back of your hand. Or the soft words of encouragement when you’re having a difficult day. 

oh the gentleness??? this is making me unwell, the beauty, the wholesome tenderness of these two has me SICKKKK. GODDDD RAY WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO US

If it was even possible, Abby pulls you closer to her, not urging a word more. It’s how she is, cold and distant to some but they don’t feel the stutter in her breath when you’re near or the soft pad of her thumb rubbing soothingly on the back of your hand. Or the soft words of encouragement when you’re having a difficult day. 

as they say, the devil is in the details. whenever you describle a scenario, never ever is there a hair out of place, so meticulously crafted as if you place each little thing, as if you made the scene with tweezers. or a ten thousand piece puzzle. (what the FUCK am i saying…)

the last chunk of this had me so locked in, im not sure even where to begin dissecting. just needed to see what was gonna happen, read every word over, get lost in the moment.

“I—” You take a deep breath, your voice already shaky and you haven’t even told her yet. “I don’t think you even know how much you mean to me.” Abby isn’t sure where you’re going with this, terrifying her instantly. 

here start my tears. “terrifying her” GODDDDDJAJSJHSDAA the next passages until the end are so emotionally charged, again, i'm speechless. HAD ME STRESSINNNN.

“All that matters is you.”

and with that folks, my reblog concludes. rayray here has presented us with a beautiful story that should be adapted into a movie, should win every award, because that's how fucking good this drama piece is. it's stunning, every single sentence. i absolutely adored reading this and getting lost in the throes of a blossoming love, especially two perfect ones such as these babies. so perfect for each other. like all your works, the structure is just out of this world—it doesnt even feel like im reading fanfiction, but a proposal for a television show, truly. your prose, the build, the emotional climax and finally the satisfying solution, you can finally take a breath. i'm giving you a standing ovation. every one of your works is better than your last, and i'm absolutely just buzzing with anticipation to read what you've got planned next for us.

≛ LONELY IS THE MUSE!

❝ ABBY!CENTRIC ONE SHOT ❞

feat. bodyguard!abby x famous actor!reader

warnings. eighteen+, suggestive nsfw content: reader fell first nd and abby fell harder, some angst, fluff, slightly coded fem reader, personal trainer!abby, just two idiots pining. i saw the discourse for some romance and i wanted to do my part. enjoy friends.

LONELY IS THE MUSE, entangled in an endless web of a high profile life, everyone waiting on you hand and foot, hollywood’s star in their prime — everyone needing a piece for themselves. yet the mysterious blonde who has not a clue to who you are catches the eye of the lonely muse.

wc. 8k

“You know you don’t have to stand this close to me.” Abby counters, but her words didn’t make you move an inch. Not that she really thought they would. Secretly, she enjoys your gentle touch. She likes how comfortable you feel around her. The downpour in New York has your arm entangled with her own, your hand gripping her bicep as she holds the umbrella.

“Maybe, but I don’t want to ruin my hair.” You replied gently, as you rested your head against her relaxed bicep.

“God, forbid your hair be in ruin, sweet girl.” Abby’s wet lips look inviting, especially when she’s smirking at you. Delectable, enticing, desired seeping underneath your soul as you try your best to keep them at bay. 

“Now that would be positively tragic, wouldn’t it? Just a paparazzi’s wet dream. Need my hair in ruins for them to get a handsome payday.” Abby shakes her head, the budding smile threatening to reveal itself. You can see how it grows, despite the effort she makes to disguise it. 

“I think you do enjoy my company. Paid or not, I bring some light into your life.” You play with the ends of her hair. The blonde feels a tingle pricking at her skin. She ignores it. 

“I can see that smile.” 

Better than anyone, Abby knows the gleam in your eyes is too dangerous to entertain, so she looks forward. It’s what she's paid to do, to keep you safe. Not to entertain some weird crush that will soon pass when you move on to the next actress, artist, or producer. She doesn’t need a reminder of how different your world is, she’s already abundantly clear on where the both of you stand. Worlds apart from each other, even if you’re leaning against her, the greedy hands of the public grab onto you first, mercilessly sucking the life out of anyone who enters your life. 

All it does is isolate you, making your life incredibly lonely. Trapped on the throne you built with your raw talent, but the industry is a double edged sword, as much as it appears to lift you up, it impales any sense of normalcy at a private, peaceful life. You take pride in these little moments you have with her. It’s the only time you get to have a taste of normalcy, even if you did have a bodyguard, which wasn’t entirely normal. Yet, Abby is a gentle reminder of a life she wishes to have. Someone who is kind, and loving; a soul that exists for no selfish gain, greed, or selfishness. 

Sometimes, you take advantage of it. 

Abby knows you crave physical affection. Ever since your messy break up, you’ve been finding any little excuse to justify it. Abby didn’t really mind at all. Even if she tried to deny it in her head, she’d miss it if you stopped. The incessant need you have to be close to her at all times, your essence bleeding on to her, suffocating her with everything she wants, but knows she can’t ever let herself dip into the deepest edges of you. 

Especially, not when you are still attempting to decode the wreckage of your last relationship. 

Abby hates seeing you like this, but she knew there was little she could do to help. All she could do is let you ride the wave of heartbreak, take in the silent tears hitting full cheeks, and hope it would all end soon for you. For now, she would allow immediate proximity.

You’re hurting. You need it.  

The first few weeks, even a couple months after, she expects it. Now it’s month four, and you were still touching her all the time. Lame excuses falling from your lips daily and Abby was sure you didn’t even believe them. She thought about bringing it up to you, establishing healthy boundaries before she crosses a line.

Yet, it feels…nice.

It felt good to be needed. The reason she had taken this job in the first place. It wasn’t what she had imagined for herself – a bodyguard of a famous musician. She jokes about it now, but it's a twisted fate for the two of you. Your eyes shine bright whenever someone asks, and you always take the lead.

Abby has always been more reserved, and your personality is as bright as the sun. She liked Abby the second she laid eyes on her. Not because she was beautiful or the most gorgeous human she’d ever seen.

Which she is.

No.

Her stupid pounding heart, the one she felt beating violently out of her chest, loves you, has no idea who she is.  She had thought possibly the blonde stranger was putting on a front, some did. They liked to conceal their intentions behind greedy eyes and malicious intent.

But Abby turned out to be different.

When a blossoming friendship turned into a job opportunity, it took Abby through a loop. It was the very last thing she was expecting from you. You’d kept her in the dark and when you announced exactly who you were, Abby really didn’t know. Never was she really a fan of social media, didn’t really partake in it unless someone was showing her the latest trend going around. She’s a little old fashioned but she likes it. It worked in her favor when it came to you. Unknowingly, for the first time since your fame struck as quick as lightning, you had the pleasure to befriend someone who had no idea who you were. 

As fresh as breathing your first breath of air, you took pride in the circumstance. Someone enjoying your company for who they are and not just for your social standing, fame, or most importantly the money. Before either of you could really even fully come to it, Abby has become such an influential person in your life, and then you were attempting to entice her with a job opportunity, and she accepted. 

You thought it would take longer and knew from the moment you had asked. But her life was uprooted by you, and she felt guilty about how much it fills her up with glee. 

In the last year, Abby became the only person worthy of your trust, the only one who would keep your confessions confined, not letting the secrets drip like cheap wine down the drain. Rather more as if she was out in the vineyard, carefully hand picking the grapes for the wine as she crafts it herself. Giving it the love, care, and attention it needs to flourish into fine beverage. From one sip alone, knowing she would crave for the taste. 

Getting to know you in ways some would dream of. Often, the mass of the public did, but you’re more selective who you let in your life now. Swiftly, you noticed how easily Abby listened. 

Listening and seeing you for who you are, not some strewed version the media made you out to be.  

She understood why you felt the need to and maybe why you felt comfortable with her. You spent time with her more than anyone. After two years together, she had learned every little detail about you. Where you liked to get your morning coffee, your favorite brunch spot, which bar you like to frequent when you had a night to give, which gym was your favorite, and to not speak with you until you’ve had said coffee. 

It’s these little things Abby remembers, constantly getting her in trouble.

When paparazzi are around, you always accept her hand as she guides you through the swarming crowd. Abby knows you despise it. How inhumane it makes you feel. You feel like an attraction, an object the masses had come to see rather than being viewed as an actual person. In these moments, you cling onto Abby the most. While she’s intimidating to all, there leaves a small exception for you, never has she once been anything to you more than just a sweet, gentle giant she wants close to her at all times. 

Her stature is standing a little over six feet tall. Her arms always looked too good against the tight fabric of her shirt. The one you grip onto as she is navigating through a crowd with you in tow, she’s always focused. The remainder of your team was behind you, while she was always in front of you.

At all times, protecting you.

But it was moments like today, you were grateful for. You blended with the hectic life of the city. You were just two people waiting at a crosswalk, waiting to get to your next destination.

Abby tries not to pay too much attention to how you’re squeezing her bicep, with a strong grip further indication you weren’t letting go anytime soon.

She supposes it’s better than feeling your hand in hers. There were times when Abby deemed it necessary. She would grab it whenever she needed to get you through from point a to point b, quickly. It made you follow her pace instead of lingering behind. She didn’t even know how she was supposed to feel with your head resting against her arm, your body so close to hers.

How was she supposed to act normally?

The rumors were already getting bad. You denied them when asked, and you did gracefully each time.

All Abby could think about if this moment was captured, it would be perceived as intimate. It felt like it was, but she didn’t want the entire world to see. Not when she felt the two of you walking this very nimble line of friends, something professional, and something more. She didn’t need thousands of eyes giving their two senses in a situation she didn’t even fully understand yet. All it took was one person to snap a photo if she gets too close to you. If her touch stayed on you for too long, or if she let the love reach her eyes. The ladder was the most difficult to control. It’s a part of her just as much as the air in her lungs.

This life is new to her. At times, Abby wondered if she’s biting off more than she could chew.

The only reason she’d left was for you. She had a small, quiet life. Abby’s life was very average, a cloud of normalcy hovered above her before the two of you met. A personal trainer full time and she resided in a cabin about half an hour from where she worked. She chopped wood to relieve stress, Her girlfriend liked it at the time, and she did too. She had her two dogs, and a darling kitten. 

She enjoyed the privacy. The isolated countryside her sweet family could reside in. Abby had built this life she was proud of, and it made her happy. For a time, it worked. She was genuinely content with where she was. There wasn’t a need to stress or control where her life was going. It felt like a huge relief. She tended to live inside her own head, not be present in what she has right in front her.

It had been months since she felt like that. It’d felt good and she was proud of herself for not succumbing from within and really coming to terms with what she had built around her. This was the most difficult route for her to take. To allow herself to be open, even if there was a chance of her falling.

Abby really should have felt remorseful for leaving it all behind.

Nora was sweet. The most caring partner she ever had, but there wasn’t much she could compare it to. Besides her, there had only been two, and she didn’t even count Owen. A long misstep until she landed where she needed to be. He did care for her, and he seemed to be more kind-hearted than most men, but the bar was set so low, he should’ve exceeded expectations.

And he did, in some areas.

Others, he fell more than flat but there was little to nothing he could do about it. Abby likes girls and he wasn’t one. Her sexuality shattered their relationship into a million pieces – leaving neither of them any option but to move on.

Nora felt real. This genuine connection she’d never experienced before. Abby knew it one year into their relationship. The pair had built this life together, one where she didn’t feel trapped in, and one Abby could be proud of. She felt acknowledged and loved Nora. There wasn’t a sliver of a doubt in her mind this where she needed to be.

She tells Nora when she needs space, and she isn’t ashamed of it. If she didn’t want to go out, Nora wouldn’t guilt trip her into it. Abby didn’t feel pressured to intertwine her identity with Nora just because they were together. Nora hardly ever gave Abby a reason to be upset. She showed up like partners were supposed to, even when Abby didn’t.

But it was a heavy weight to carry for Nora. Being her first serious queer relationship, Abby was left stunted in areas where Nora had to lend a helping hand. She never made Abby feel bad about it, but the two of them could feel the string keeping them threatening to snap.

Often, it frustrated Abby. To always be the one receiving help and never giving it. She didn't blame her partner, but she was left at a crossroad. 

She never understood Owen more and it really pissed her off.

To no fucking end.

But Nora was far more patient than Abby had ever shown. Maybe it was the testament to love or maybe Nora was just a good person and Abby is shitty. She had more patience than Mother Thersea herself, and it amazed her. Always guiding Abby with a gentle hand, never getting upset with her even when she let her anger shine through.

It makes her feel undeserving of a love she could never earn.

This pure and untainted love had never touched her before, and she’d never fallen this hard. Abby didn’t want to be anywhere but here. She really thought this could be it. Nora could be the one. They could get through those hardships together, right? 

Then you came and overwhelmed her like a tsunami.

She was running late, which was completely out of the ordinary for Abby. Instead of her neat braid, her sun kissed-blonde hair was in a low bun. Underneath her eyes was evidence of her lack of sleep. She hadn’t been getting any as of lately and the bags only seemed to get deeper.

Abby wouldn’t call the fights constant, but it sure did feel like it.

The back and forth, having the same fight consistently. Abby was more than frustrated. The biggest efforts she made were dismissed by Nora, even making her upset at times. She was trying too hard and being annoying, or not doing enough and then it meant she wasn’t present in the relationship.

Abby felt her stuck at a wall, Nora on the other side of it and she couldn’t hear a damn thing.

So, she was running late.

One of the many fights  they’ve had with each other as of late. Nora is tired of dealing with a “baby gay” as she likes to remind her in the heat of their arguments. Abby gets offended, her lips forming into an even deeper pout, her porcelain skin flushed in anger before she gives them both space. 

Contemplating about the future of their relationship in the shower, causing her to be late to work in the process. 

Astronomically behind – her client arrived at the gym she worked at half an hour ago. The most recent argument with Nora plagued her morning. All they seem to do is argue, trapped in what they both need from the relationship, but all the two of them could do is argue, argue, argue.

But neither of them makes a move. They are still as the eerie silence that carries them into questioning. 

It’s when she’s too inside her head, fearing about the future, when she violently bumps into you. Body colliding with yours, Abby’s stone-like build causes you to crash into the pavement, your belongings scatter along with Abby’s. 

“Fuck. Are you alright? Sorry, I’m in such a hurry, I’m sure I wasn’t even paying attention.” You let her pick you from the ground, she does with ease. She looks right through you and you expect the excitement, the excited tears, or to be asked for a picture but it never comes.   

“For a moment I thought I ran into a wall—” You giggle to yourself. “Really, I’m alright.” You spoke softly. You pick up both of your belongings that had slipped from both of your grips, returning it to its owner. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Abby asks again. 

You think it’s cute how much lace of concern is conveyed in her cerulean eyes, full of light and wonder, so beautiful it stops you in your tracks. 

“No no! I’m fine! Really don’t worry about it.” 

Honestly, you’re still in amazement she has no idea who you are. It makes your fondness of her grow even more. The two of you depart quickly, go about your day, and you think nothing of it until you go to unlock your phone to message your manager and it’s not a picture of the moon you’d taken during the eclipse, it’s the mysteriously hot and kind woman you’d run into before. 

Shit. She has my phone. 

Lucky for you, Abby was coming to the same realization. Ready to bring out the workout she had planned out for her first client, opening her phone to access where she had written everything out only to find this isn’t her phone. Well, fuck. 

Abby hollers at Dina to take over the client for a moment, excusing herself for a moment before retreating into the office to call from her direct line. 

Idiot Anderson. Now you get to make an idiot of yourself, twice. 

Way to go. 

She calls her phone and it rings a few times before the familiar voice chimes through the speaker, the one she heard this morning during her fit of anxiety. 

“Please tell me this is the woman I ran into earlier or else I’m going to be even more embarrassed for answering a stranger's phone.” 

“Well you’re in luck.” 

“Oh thank fuck—” You curse yourself before being so vulgar with someone who you didn’t even know. “Sorry! God, this is all my fault. I must have swapped our phones when I picked them up and didn’t even realize.” 

“It’s okay, really, if I was paying attention where I was walking this morning it never would have happened. Did you wanna meet?” 

“No! Let me. Please, this is all my fault. I should at least be the one who makes the drive.” 

“Are you sure? It’s really no trouble. I don’t mind.” 

“I’m really sure.” 

Abby offers the address of work, thinking once after she does if it’s a good idea, a total stranger knowing where she works but she’s already giving the street name and suite number before she can even make her mind. Abby usually doesn’t get nervous but this situation has sent her into a frenzy, thinking about how dumb she could have been. Nora will get a good laugh out of it she thinks, then she is reminded of the fight the two of them were still in. She wonders if she’s even tried to reach out to her yet or if Nora’s just waiting until Abby’s anger rolls over. 

More favorably, the ladder. 

Until the two of them have the comfort of their lives, the cushion they have between their shared friends and the home they share twenty minutes out of the state, until it comes up again and they’ll be contemplating it all over again. Anxiously, the front desk girl, Bevs, the younger girl who has a crush on her, shyly comes up to her. 

Bevs says what she assumes is your name, confusing Abby in the process. 

“You know her?” 

“How could you not? She’s one of the most famous actresses ever.” Abby is stunned to say the least. Truthfully, she had no idea. Her lack of social media keeps her out of the loop and as much as her friends tease her about, if Abby knew who you were the first time around, she’s sure she wouldn’t have been able to say more than two words. Clearly, you’re a fresh face to her. Already, Abby knows Manny is going to have a field day when Bevs lets this information spill in her sheer excitement. 

Great, she thinks. 

“Oh.” 

“I put her in your office. Some of the clients were already starting to have questioning looks, putting the pieces together. Hey! Maybe they're as clueless as you.” 

“Bevs, go back to the front desk.” With a curt nod and realizing she has pushed too far, with a tail between her legs she retreats back to her post. 

Okay, Anderson, let’s get this over with. 

Abby smells you the minute she steps foot in her office. It’s not the usual pinewood scent the candle in her office radiates. There’s a lingering smell of lavender with just a hit of vanilla. It’s sweet as it engulfs her nostrils, she finds herself sniffling slightly, a silent beg for more of it. You’re standing the minute you’re aware of her presence. Painfully, Abby is aware of her lack of clothing. The tight sport jacket is left unopened, her black sweatpants, accompanied with her sports bra, abs on display as she watches your eyes examine her carefully. 

She’s not sure how to feel about it. 

There is a moment, a short one where your eyes go to her chest, the silver barbells constricting against the small fabric, clear as to what lies beneath. 

Abby does smirk at that. She’s only human. 

You keep staring at her for a minute longer, well it feels like one but Abby deems it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” 

“It’s really not a problem.” The more time goes on, the sweeter you are. “It’s pretty close to where I live.” 

Abby didn’t know it then but you were lying straight through your teeth. The trainer didn’t know you moved around your entire day to make the phone swap or the butterflies swarming your stomach from just how attractive and nice she seemed to be. There was something about her that sent your caution flying to the wind, drifting in the leaves with the rest of your pride. 

“Well I appreciate you coming out this way, even if it’s in your area. I really wouldn’t have minded taking the drive.” Abby pulls out your phone as she hands you yours. It’s simple, transactional, and it should have just been left at that but you had a fondness of putting your foot in your mouth. 

“Are you a trainer here?” 

“Uh, yeah. Been doing it for a few years actually. I spent so much time here already, now I get paid for it. Can’t really complain.” 

“Do you ever do private sessions?” 

“Um-” Abby scratches the back of her awkwardly, not sure if you’re asking her genuinely or if you’re trying to insinuate something else entirely. 

“Oh fuck no! I didn’t mean it like that. I just have a….job opportunity I have to get in shape for and you just look like you know what you’re doing.” Abby thought you might as well point to her physique but if anything she was flattered. It was always nice knowing something she’s been working on for years, her longest standing commitment besides Nora, is appreciated. 

“Sure, we could work something out.” You slightly smile before you exchange phones, this time on purpose, to put in the other’s number. Normally, she didn’t give out her number to clients, but Abby makes an exception for you that day. To this day, she’ll never outwardly admit why she did, not even to herself. 

- 

Two years later, she’s single from her life being turned upside down by you. The casualty being her own relationship, leaving Nora behind was one of the hardest decisions she’s made. Nora never agreed on Abby taking the job. As much as Nora wished for Abby to be more open about their endeavors, as soon as she accepted an offer that could drastically expand the trajectory of their life, Nora couldn’t be asked to compromise another thing. 

That was that. Not even two months into Abby working for you and Nora had called it quits. Abby never talked about it, only you knew she had a girlfriend she used to talk about when you began training with her, and then it was just silent. Back then, you didn’t know her well enough to pry, so you didn’t. 

Even as time passed, the two of you became friends through your employment, spending all your time with her during press season for your upcoming film, Lonely Is The Muse, together. Today was the only day you had off, even if it means Abby technically had the day off, you insisted that both of you leave the hotel and go out for the day. It's the most peace you felt during the European leg of the tour. Only one more day of dealing with your sensory issues, people in your face telling you when and where to go, or the distasteful question regarding your past public breakup instead of the work you were promoting. 

Some interviewers were kind enough to let the drama go but some wanted to get their own viral moment, waiting for you to say the wrong thing. As the industry likes to say, any publicity is good publicity. 

When you’re America's sweetheart actress of the century, such luxuries can’t be afforded. 

As your manager likes to remind you, there’s a reputation you have to protect. 

“Would you like to head back now? Long day tomorrow. Last day of interviews and then your flight leaves first thing in the morning.” 

“Did Stassie put you up to this?” 

“Maybe.” 

“I thought you were supposed to be the fun one.” 

“Mhm, your definition of fun is letting you do whatever you want.” 

“And the problem with that is?” 

All Abby can do is chuckle. 

“What do you want to do then?” Abby asks. She takes note of the sparkle in your eyes, as blinding as the sun but obtaining the serenity of the moon. “I’m all ears sweetheart.” 

It’s how the two of you end up here, a rooftop party, a friend of a friend you said. The party was lowkey, more than the typical ones you would get invited. Maybe because you weren’t in Los Angeles, Miami, or New York — but tucked away on another continent — or perhaps everyone here is just discreet. 

There’s only two fans that come up to you instead of twenty. You’re thankful for some sense of normalcy, one night where you can just feel normal. It still never gets old, people coming up to you as they confess the impact you’ve had on their life. It feels unbelievable at times but you’re grateful for the luxury life you’ve been granted. 

“Here. No liquor tonight.” Abby hands you a glass of red wine, your favorite beverage of choice when you couldn’t have tequila. 

“Yes Ma’am.” You playfully salute her. More than anything, you enjoy the not so subtle chuckle. “Not that I don’t love your company but isn’t Stassie supposed to boss me around?” 

“She felt under the weather. Plus, we both know you don’t listen to her.” 

“And I listen to you?” Your hand plays with her loose blonde hair, smoothing out the white button she’s wearing. 

“Yeah, you do. I wonder why that is.” Abby is playing with fire tonight. Possibly due to the fact that you wouldn’t leave her side, not even for a moment, keeping your body close, practically gluing yourself to her. Yes, she’s charged with keeping you safe and protected but it seems you find enjoyment bringing it to another level entirely. 

“You’re much nicer to look at, that’s all.” It’s light, a quiet whisper, not meant to be heard by anyone — not even for Abby to hear. “Don’t wanna make my handsome bodyguard upset.” 

Faking your pout as you let the words leave your lips, Abby chuckles as you get closer to her, her body standing strong as you push your weight onto her. Stoic as always, while you lean on her, she keeps her eyes peeled. Ensuring your safety at all times. 

“Flattery isn’t going to get you a shot tonight.” 

“I’m just stating the obvious.” 

Abby chuckles, again. She’s delighted you’re enjoying yourself, even if it comes at her expense. There’s a soft jazz song playing outside, couples dancing to the music, you zone out for a moment as you look upon one in particular. 

They are older, possibly in their forties, raven hair beginning to gray, fine lines crinkle when they smile at each other but it’s hard to take note of anything else but the way the couple looks at each other. Your mind wonders how long they’ve been together, if it’s been for years, months, a couple weeks. 

It doesn’t really matter. You just want that. 

The feeling isn’t lost on you, especially when you’re in the arms of the woman you love. For her, she’s being protective, doing her job but you wish it was different. A bubbling desire dripping off your tongue, a need to have her close to you but because she wants. Not because she’s paid to. 

“If I can’t have any tequila shots, god forbid, you have to dance with me.” You down the rest of your wine, placing the empty glass on the bar. “C’mon, you can give Stassie an earful later.” 

Pulling her towards the makeshift dance floor, Abby leads as your head rests against her chest. The steady, soft heartbeat soothes you, a reminder of the safety you feel with her. Caught in the riptide of her kind eyes and heart full of gold. It’s what makes her so unique, so loved, so her. With a surprisingly good tone, Abby sings to the music softly before twirling you around and spinning your body back to her. 

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Your hand rubs lovingly on her lower back as she holds you in her arms. You take pride when it doesn’t feel transactional. When she holds you and it feels as if she was meant to. There’s nothing else comparable to it, her frame melting into yours as your soul finds solace in her warm embrace. 

“There’s plenty of things.” Playfully, Abby smirks. 

“Oh yeah. I’m sure.” 

The sarcasm practically drips out of you as her smirk grows wider. 

“Can I ask you something?” You hesitate for a moment as you find her beautiful blue eyes staring into your soul. It’s only then does everything troubling might dissipate while she holds you — secretly hoping it’s forever. 

“You can ask me anything.” 

You give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts as you move to the delicate beat. “Do you ever wish for a life where you could have had a normal life? I wonder if things could be different.” 

Immediately, Abby answers. 

“Not anymore, no, not for a second.” 

If it was even possible, Abby pulls you closer to her, not urging a word more. It’s how she is, cold and distant to some but they don’t feel the stutter in her breath when you’re near or the soft pad of her thumb rubbing soothingly on the back of your hand. Or the soft words of encouragement when you’re having a difficult day. 

They hear none of it. 

She dances with you for a couple more songs, before you find solace on the couch. You lay beneath the moonlight, your body cuddles into her side as you stare up at the sky. 

It’s lost on you how you’ve ended  with her, someone as kind and untainted as her, wanting to spend her free time with you, but you’re grateful for it. Whatever god you have to thank, you’ll get on your knees to praise their alter for bringing Abby into your life. She’s the best thing to ever happen to you and she doesn’t even know it. Albeit, she hardly knows the extent of how wonderful she is. 

“Why here?” 

“It’s a good night, nice weather. Why not?” 

A question with a question. It’s the most straightforward answer you’ll ever give her. Innuendos for the sweet girl to piece together, but with the soft circles being drawn her stomach with the pad of your finger leaves little to nothing to decode. 

“It’s nice, yeah.” 

Abby always has so little to say but her mind swarms with a thousand reasons why this is a bad idea and a million of why this is where the constellations in the jaded sky have led to you. Straight into the pits of innocence, a heart that’s been hurt more times than she can count but still as golden and whole as one could be. 

“What do you think of Italy?” 

“It’s nice.” 

“Nice? That’s all I get?” 

Abby smirks but her body stills when you play with the waistband of her trousers before gliding back to the security of her abdomen, carving the liner of her defined abs. The ones she tries so hard to cover up, but you saw on the very first day you met her. 

“Do you want more?” You ask, an eyebrow raising in suggestion. Abby knows it’s a double edged sword, one she doesn’t want to be injured with. 

“You’re playing a very dangerous game.” Cautiously, Abby warns. “I’m not sure that last drink was a great idea.” 

You rest your head on her sternum, sapphire eyes looking down at you as her hand finds home on your waist, the blunt of your nails scratching softly at her stomach. 

“They always seem like a great idea at the time, don’t they?” With a gentle hand, you caress her scarred cheek, the pad of your thumb gently tenderly kissing the freckled skin. Outlining the softness of her jaw with your left, while your right one refuses to leave her stomach. 

“I don’t see how anyone would ever want to leave you.” Abby hums, not giving you much to go off of, tight lipped as she’s always been. The Nora situation has always been on your mind. One day, Abby’s speaking of her like she’s the love of her life and the next? Abby stiffens so tight when you bring up her name you promise yourself to never speak of it again. Until now, almost two years later, you’re more curious than you have ever been. The fatal ending, not belonging to you, but still you paw for the answers with your greedy palms. 

“You can just ask me if you want to know. I can see the look in your eyes.” 

“What look? I don’t have a—” 

Abby tilts your chin with your palm, leaning into her touch as you often do. 

“Yes, you do.” 

“How do you know this look?” 

“Hm.” Her thumb pulls at your bottom lip, “You’re just trying to get me in trouble now.” 

Your tone shifts, your eyes become transcendent, more crystal clear than they’d been all night. 

“What happened between you and Nora?” You ask, treading lightly on the ground you’re skating upon, in fear the ground beneath you might just crack if you apply too much pressure. 

“Why is it so important to you?” 

“It’s not that it’s—” You face plant into her chest, giving yourself a moment to breathe. Fuck, even her chest smells good. 

“You don’t ask about anything unless it’s of value to anyone. You don’t waste time, you’re very adamant about it. Painfully so.” Blonde eyebrows relax as she closes her eyes for a moment, but her touch on you soothes you. It’s gentle; a somber comfort bleeding into blissful joy. 

“But I’ve spent a lot of time with you.” 

“Yes, you’ve spent a lot of your time with me.

Abby opens her eyes to see you, your head tilted to the right, as you look upon each carve of her angelic face, the one that could only be carved by the gods above, resembling an angel on earth. As pure as the snow with the biggest heart of gold you ever have had the pleasure of knowing. 

“What?” 

“I didn’t say a thing.” You smile slyly. 

“We didn’t break up because of you, if that’s what you’re asking.” Abby sighs, “You’re not some homewrecker. My home with Nora was already wrecked before we met.” 

“Are you just saying it to make me feel better?” 

“No, I’m not.” You play with the ends of her golden hair, it hurts to be this close to what you want but knowing it’s so clearly out of your reach, league even, all of it will end the same. “Nora wasn’t fond of her being my first relationship with a woman. It caused a ripple effect, me feeling like I wasn’t good enough and her feeling like she has to carry me in the relationship, emotionally anyway.” 

“Is that why you broke up?” 

“No.” 

“It was because of me.” You state, as a matter of fact, knowing there is no other truth to be known. With tears welling up in your eyes, an ache  in your heart, one that made you ache all over. The dread of the guilt weighing heavily on your heart, time and distance still isn’t enough for you to run from it. 

“It was a job that was a great opportunity. Alright? It wasn’t you, even if I hadn’t, we both wanted different things. I didn’t even realize it until after but I wasn’t happy. I promise, it has nothing to do with you.” 

What Abby didn’t know, you needed to hear her say those words. In the back of your head, a monstrous demon unleashes in your mind, telling you crashed her relationship. You were the problem and her inevitable doom, but she’s assuring you it wasn’t the case. 

“We hardly knew each other back then.” 

As pathetic as it sounds, Abby can’t imagine her life without you. 

“Yeah hardly.” 

There’s that look again, pouring into Abby’s soul as it eats her up whole, the gleam in your eyes begging for more. It’ll complicate things if Abby gets involved, she knows this, but it already seems like she is despite her best efforts not to be. 

“Did I do good? You always say you miss stargazing with your brother back home. I know it’s not as quiet as the cabin you have, but I thought it would be okay for now.” 

“The view isn’t bad, not one bit.” She admits as she lets you rub her abdomen, the goosebumps crawling upon her skin the more Abby lets you touch her as if she’s yours to hold. “Lev would like it. I’m convinced the kid likes you more than me now.” 

“As he should. I’m pretty damn amazing.” 

“He asks too many questions though.” 

“About what?” 

“I dunno…..things.” Abby retreats back into her shell, the layer of protection she uses to protect herself from getting hurt. Most of all, out of everyone the gods could torture her to be confused about, of course it has to be you. Everyone in your life is always begging for pieces of your time, pieces of your affection and bits of your time to suck you dry. Abby has always wondered how you juggle it all. It feels cruel to even think you would put her in the mix. 

Painfully, there’s nights like tonight, where she sees the desire swarming in your eyes — every part of her pleads to give in to the temptation. Give into something she’s never even let herself think about until the last few months. As thick as drywall, there was a barrier keeping her heart from you, one she kept to protect you and herself even. 

The absolute last thing she wanted was to wreck everything this has to offer. If she makes the wrong move, all of it can come crashing down on you…it’s the last thing she wants. Make you a martyr in her story, one she thinks and dreams of often but knows you’re too big for her to exist in your life. The circles you run in don’t even exist in the same planet, the same fucking universe if Abby’s being honest. 

“What things?” You pout, your hand traveling south, caressing her thigh with a familiarity Abby wishes you didn’t have. She wishes for a lot but they never come true, that’s all you can be, a dying wish Abby curses upon a fading star.  

“It’s just stupid shit, not worth mentioning.” 

“Abby…” 

“Yeah?” 

“I—” You take a deep breath, your voice already shaky and you haven’t even told her yet. “I don’t think you even know how much you mean to me.” Abby isn’t sure where you’re going with this, terrifying her instantly. 

Have you finally had your fill of her? Were you gonna fire her? Now? 

“Lev doesn’t just talk to you about us.” 

“Us?” Nervously, Abby stomach clenches, unprepared for where this conversation is heading. 

“Why are you so scared?” 

Abby visibly and loudly gulps, almost making you giggle slightly. 

“I-I’m not.” 

The stonewall she attempts to hide behind but you won’t let her, not tonight. Slumping in the shadows, waiting for you to find someone else to love as she watches your happiness from a far, that’s what she allows herself. Nothing more and nothing less. 

“Abs, look at me.” She meets your eyes, away from the constellations in the sky, afraid if she looks for a moment too long she’ll be stuck here forever. “Talk to me, m’right here, not going anywhere unless you want me to.” 

Instantly, Abby grips your hips, keeping you in your place. 

“No, that’s not—” 

“What?” 

“I’m not what you want. I’m surely not what anyone needs. Hell, I’ve only been with one woman which is deemed to be for not being enough, right? I’m the girl who came out too late, who doesn’t have enough experience but because I’m built like some fucking adonis I need to know whatever the fuck I’m doing but I don’t. I never know what I’m doing. The only thing I know how to do is protect you, that’s all I’m good for and I’m not gonna screw that up just because I—” 

“Because what?” Your pelvis is on top of hers, your face coming closer to Abby’s, watching as you are irrevocably close to her, closer than you’ve ever been, wet lips ghosting over her pouty pink lips. Abby doesn’t even know when you moved, how you got so close, too lost in her own head to register your movements. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Abby puffs out. 

“It matters to me.” You sink into her, further, if it's even possible. “No one matters more than you, alright?” 

“But there’s people.” Abby looks for an excuse to get up, she comes up enough so she’s sitting up against the armrest of the patio couch, holding your lower back as she does so, leaving you straddling her hips. 

“I don’t care. All that matters is you.” You push a piece of blonde hair away, seeing her beautiful cheeks more clearly, her shining blue eyes finding its unique path to your heart, the one especially made for her. “Here just let me talk, alright? You don’t have to say anything. Just listen.” 

Abby is nearly crying, practically purring as you run your fingers through her cascading blonde hair. It’s too much but not enough. Although she is sure of one thing, the one thing she wants more than anything. 

“I’ve always been one for pretty girls. I had a reputation around Hollywood, always chasing one after the next, never reaching my fill or as the tabloids like to say.” You chuckled half-heartedly; the wound cutting deeper than you would have liked. “My publicist having to pay paparazzi an obscene amount of money to get these photos from ever hitting online, month after month, it was pathetic really. Just trying to fill a hole, one I didn’t even know how to fill.” 

“I didn’t know that.” 

“It’s not something I’m proud of and I never wanted you to see me differently but I’m not ashamed anymore though. I’m not that person anymore. I haven’t been since I met you.” Abby falls silent, her cheeks turning crimson before she can try to hide it “You not knowing how I was, it's just the humbling I needed. Not to mention you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen— you still are— but you had a girlfriend so I kept my feelings silent. Something just felt different with you and then you were single and I was afraid of you.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I didn’t want to ruin you so I made a promise to myself. I would never start anything with you, not unless I was in love with you.” 

“You love me?” 

“It’s impossible not to.” You sigh into her, forehead pressed against hers, her strong hold not letting go. “You don’t have to say anything or do anything. I don’t expect anything in return. I just can’t live in a world where you think because you’re not experienced as some, you think you’re less than people who are.” 

“It’s true, I’m not there with everyone else and it shows.” 

“Abby, you’re not getting it.” 

“Well, no shit. I’m not good enough for any of this, you especially.” 

“It’s not…” You bite your lip as you reach for her hands on your waist, intertwining them with your own. “Abs, it would’ve saved me a lot of trouble.” Your lips ghost over her lips again, but this time Abby inches closer, her breath warm as it hits your mouth. 

“What?” 

“If I was a patient person and waited for you.” 

More than before, Abby’s breath is heavy as the rise and fall of her chest is rapid, trying to calm herself down but it’s impossible when you’re this close. It’s a lot for her, maybe she’s overly sensitive, but your touch is practically lighting her on fire. Abby wonders if it will ever be able to be put out or if your magnetic touch will leave her scorned. 

Puppy eyes inwardly pleading for an ounce of your touch, so sweet as she supports your weight with her strong thighs, anchoring you to her — never quite letting go. A single glance detrimental to the layer of protection she built around herself. 

“There’s no more waiting, m’right here.” Abby closes the gap indefinitely, lips connecting with yours as they move in perfect harmony, as if this is what she was made for. Involuntarily, she whimpers in your mouth as you gently tug at her bottom nibble at her bottom lip, your tongue sliding in as it dominates her own. It happens too quickly — the way her very being melts into you. 

Like honey to a bee, there’s nothing that’s ever been so sweet. 

This is all you need. 

“Abby?” 

“Yeah, angel?” 

“Let’s get out of here.”

taglist: @brackishkittie @only4theweeknd @tlouloser @marvelwomenarehot0 @grey-jedi12 @r3starttt @bittersu1te @pxgeturner @maxinephobia @marsworldd @aouiaa @twopeoplee @i-lov3-w0men @lvlymicha @half-of-a-gay @pa-co @rkivedpages @abbyspup @lucidfairies @lizzygrant @yourfriendlyneighborhoodeden @iluvme9 @skzhoiic @angelynn-nicole @hearts4joongie @moonyvs4 @loveyru @imdrowningindispair @random-fag @swinesb @spacewlf

[confusedgoldenflower]

There is No Glorious Purpose Chap. 2

Hello, you beautiful Tesseract-loving bastards!

I've been meaning for a long time to update but I've been having a really bad time with the whole motivation thing, and what I had first thought of doing with this fic got thrown in a wood-chipper and sunk with the Titanic... so, I'm trying to pick up the pieces and decide where I want to go with this. I also wanted to do it episodically: Chapter One aligned with Episode One and so on. That has not worked partly due to the issues of the above so, well, I guess we'll find out together!

So sorry for any grammar issues, I did my best to look it over but got too sick of staring at it over and over again in my drafts.

Small Thor cameo!

Chapter Two: You Oafs

“Yeah, well, you’re a mischievous scamp--or at least, the other you is. Been killing our minutemen and stealing our reset charges. Been happening for quite a long time….” Mobius whistled lowly. Loki nodded slowly.

“If you know me or us as well as you say, what need have you of my help?”

“Like I said, mischievous scamp. And I know what makes a Loki tick, sure, but even Sherlock needed Watson sometimes--you do know about them, right? Really fun stories with a super smart detective and his below average side-kick--.”

Loki ignored the rambling, “I agree.” Perhaps then… after… peace? “Just tell me, please… is it true that I directly led to my mother’s death?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, definitely. Thor was pissed and then he dragged you along to Svart--Svartle… anyway, the planet of the Dark Elves with Jane because she absorbed the Aether. Then you faked your death, again . There’s that ‘doing a horrible thing then getting away,’ again. But Thor totally gets you back on Sakaar with those Obedience Disks. Yeah, yeah… oh, right, you don’t know--and won’t. He slaps one of ‘em on you when you betray him again, then dials it up all the way while he returns to Asguard. For a god, you get put down a lot .” Mobius chuckled.

Loki sucked in a shuddering breath, reverently laid the Tesseract down and stood, “let us catch this scoundrel then.” He faked a smile for the agent.

“Ok,” Mobius clapped and rubbed his hands together, “what a therapy session!”

Loki had a fleeting thought of, “he must be some Midguardian fool, possibly in some relation to Thor,” before he remembered that the all powerful Time Keepers had created the oaf in front of him.

“Ya know, for the record, maybe ‘undying fidelity,’ wasn’t the right thing to say to Thanos. Just saying. But this is good! We’re gonna be a great team.”

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

“Loki,” the orange clock whined on his ‘gifted’ desk. Though still somewhat transparent, Miss Minutes was a fairly good illusion.

“Yes?” He replied pleasantly, blue hand turning the page of a magazine. His slack-clad legs were propped on the desk, fine business shoes not too far from where she stood on a rather large book. The suit replacement of the prison wear wasn’t bad, he, of course, would have done better had he access to his seidr. But it was fine for the time being.

“Are you paying attention?” The angry little clock motioned to the old Midguardian computer screen which read in that same horrible orange color:

LET’S SEE WHAT YA KNOW!

Q2. Thanos has two apples. He eats both but realizes he wants more. He goes back in time 20 minutes and eats the apples again. Does this mean the apples will not have existed in the timeline he left?

No, because time is constantly happening

The question doesn’t matter because a branch cannot change another time branch

Thanos would’ve been hungry prior because the Grandfather paradox already accounted for the change in matter before it’s move.

TVA FILE EDIT VIEW MODE HELP

Of course he was paying attention, and of course he chose not to amuse them! One order after another; feeding off of each other even. He may have bowed to Thanos but he had never kneeled. Not truly. And he clung to that remaining dignity.

“Naturally,” he returned pleasantly. She sighed.

“What happens when a nexus event branches past red line?”

“Ragnarok.”

“Come on, Loki. What is it?... Loki!”

“It is when the TVA can no longer reset a nexus event. Are you satisfied?’

“Right. And that would lead to the destruction of the timeline and the collapse of reality as we know it.” He lowered the magazine lower into his lap and took his feet off the desk.

“Yes, indeed. Are you alive or a recording? Clearly, you can hear me.”

Her big cartoonish eyes moved around, “uh… sorta both?”

“So not an illusion or projection?” He swiped at her with the rolled up magazine.

“Ah!” A small smirk ghosted his face and he went after her again.

“Watch it! Where are your manners? Oh! Hey! Quit it! That is not nice, ya jerk!” She floated and then fazed back into the computer. He gave that ugly thing a few whacks as well. She pouted on the other side of the screen.

“Trainin’ going wel--is that my jet ski magazine? Put it down, Blue-Raz.” Mobius ripped the magazine from him, swivelled to his desk then swiveled again to flop a jacket in front of Loki.

“Gear up, there’s been an attack. Let’s go.” The agent commanded. Loki picked up the jacket. It unfolded from the collar, back facing him. “VARIANT” was emblazoned across it.

“Ah,” was all he commented as he moved to slip it on before his handler got any ideas while he was led down hallways. Norns knew the agent would have plenty of examples in his own life up to that point, much less his future or other variants.

“Good. Yeah. Smart.” Mobius commented with his fists in a move reminiscent of excited warriors as said human stopped to look back at his charge and the newly bestowed article of clothing. B-15 gave her usual droll stare. Her minutemen stood around her in a group.

“ C-20 and her team went dark shortly after they jumped into the 1985 branch. All signs point to another ambush. We've grabbed enough temporal aura to know it's our Loki Variant.”

The “actually dangerous” sort, Loki groused silently. Then Mobius opened his mouth.

“Here's the deal. When we get out on the branch, we're not just looking for a Time Criminal. We're looking for a Loki. A variation of this guy. A type we should all be very familiar with, because the TVA has pruned a lotta these guys, almost more than any other Variant. And no two are alike. Slight differences in appearances, or not so slight. Different powers, although, powers generally include shape-shifting, illusion-projection, and my favorite... Duplication-casting. Illusion-Projection.”

Mobius gestured to him when applicable in his little speech, also projecting other variations of Loki with his TemPad--all assumedly pruned likewise. Variation 8: L6792 looked exactly like he would now had he’d been afforded the luxury of keeping his clothes, but also with slight differences that led Loki to think that that variant must have been favored royally in some way he was rejected.

Variation 8: L1247 looked like a Midguardian sportsman happily holding a trophy of some kind. Variation 8: L6792 was an atrocity of him and the Hulk combined. Variation 8: L8914 was more strongly built with more prominent hair curls in their longer hair. They stood like dignitary with their hands behind them. Variation 8: L7803 looked like an oaf. A full, half-face helmet emblazoned with the horns in the wrong direction and even a piece of turf over the shoulder like a cape. Oh, dear….

“No.”

“...Huh?”

“Those two powers are completely different, although, I am unsurprised you cannot comprehend it.”

“Loki, what are you talking about--look, I’ve dealt with more of you than you’ve dealt with yourself.”

“The truth remains that those powers are not the same.”

“Then, please, Loki, tell me.”

Loki smiled easily and supplicatingly at the contempt and patronization, just like talking to anyone in Asguard.

“ Illusion-projection involves depicting a detailed image from outside oneself, which is perceptible in the external world, whereas duplication-casting entails recreating an exact facsimile of one's own body in its present circumstance, which acts as a true holographic mirror of its molecular structure.”

“Ok, take a breath. Noted. We’re gonna break into two teams, including myself and Professor Loki here”

B-15 still looked unamused and dubious.

“Whoever the Variant is, we haven’t been able to find them so I’m the Sherlock and he’s my Watson. Look, this’ll work.” Mobius said to her. She side-eyed Loki, Loki who had nothing but a branded jacket to protect himself with.

“And so my agency in this is to… tell you how brilliant you are.”

“Go outside, maybe touch some grass.” Mobius returned with a tilted smile under his twisted nose.

“Ah. I shall protect myself with your wit, then, should this superior being choose me as a next target.”

Mobius chuckled and mimed “talky-talky” again.

He passed through the portal B-15 had summoned, closed in on both ends by TVA agents. Immediately, he could feel his seidr swell within him again and redonned his Aesir glamor. The choker chafed as he glanced around, and he found himself much preferring the biting metal of the chains he was usually imprisoned in. The place they passed into was a celebration of old Midguardian times, further back than what the TVA modeled itself after, in direct juxtaposition of the modern technology with the humans held in their hands, and had used to both get to the location and create their sometimes elaborate costumes.

“Apex of nexus signature located, ma'am,” a minuteman said as they walked.

“Allow me to ask you this, why do we not travel to the moments prior to the Variant’s attack, to when they arrive.” Loki asked as the tent grew ever nearer.

“Nexus events destabilize the time flow. This branch is still changing and growing, so you gotta show up in real time. Did you watch any of the training videos you were supposed to?”

The minutemen twisted their batons, the ends glowing a shade that seemed to haunt the TVA as they neared.

Loki chuckled a laugh that was never and would never be heartfelt, “my dear Sherlock, you should know I am quite the scholar. But these ‘reset charges,’ they ‘prune’ a branched timeline which ‘allows time to heal all wounds.’”

Mobius made an odd gesture towards him, “he’s on it.”

Within the dark, torch-lit tent, limp minutemen laid about the displays which held real weapons and a large, stepped seating construct. Their bodies were splayed out in obvious struggle. Unactivated batons laid around as well, a few clenched in hands. A helmet bearing “C-20” laid, discarded within the scene. Loki hovered a hand over one display as he passed and they grouped around the scene.

“So he's taking hostages now?” B-15 spat.

“The Variant's never taken a hostage before,” Mobus returned.

“Maybe he's upping his game.”

“Or he pruned her,” a minuteman remarked.

“A Loki couldn't have gotten the jump on C-20.” B-15 returned.

“Fan out and search for her. And hurry up, we're at three units until red line.” B-15 ordered, her minutemen immediately moving to obey.

“Let's go. She's right.” A peon echoed.

Mobius concurred, “Come on.”

“Wait….” Loki said, brow knit as he studied the scene.

“What do you see?” Mobius asked as he stepped away from the entrance.

“I see wolf’s teeth.”

“Yeah, ok,” Mobius motioned for him to hurry and Loki got brief satisfaction that the human had no idea what he was talking about.

“‘Where there are wolf’s ears, there are wolf’s teeth,’” Loki echoed one of many sayings he heard during his childhood, especially before bed. He swallowed down the thought of a certain story about blue, darkly lined and vicious monsters.

“Ridiculous, really,” he laughed hallowly, “my people are gullible fools by nature. You remind me of them; the Time Variance Authority and the great gods of Asgard. One and the same. Drunk with power, blinded to the truth. Those you underestimate will devour you, and we’ve just walked into a wolf’s mouth.” He raked his eyes across his audience as he spoke, kneeling down in front of the helmet and stroking his hand in the grassy turf. The minutemen seemed to falter ever so slightly, B-15 rolled her eyes, and Mobius stared.

A TemPad beeped, “two units, he’s wasting our time.”

“No, step outside this tent and my other Variant will devour you,” Loki stated plainly. It was easy, nearly in a terrifying way, how he fell into the usual routine he had had with his oaf of a brother and his lackeys, who, similarly, never headed his words.

“We need to look for C-20.” B-15 repeated.

“Come on, Loki, we don’t have time for your lies.”

“Oh, I am not lying, and out of curiosity, when you find them, will you prune us both seeing as you will not have any need of me?”

Mobius sighed and gesticulated like a frustrated middle-aged Midguardian, “he’s lying.”

Loki’s head turned to the side minutely, in a ghost of a head shake. His stomach turned the way it usually did when he knew things were about to--.

“Aghr!” A minuteman had exited and had been consequently slaughtered. A brawl broke out just outside the small entrance. Innocent event-goers made exclamations outside as well. Batons revved, and B-15 and Mobius stalked to the opening. Loki walked behind them.

“The charge!” Someone yelled. The fight continued. A cloaked figure with amazing skill in combat fought them all while a crowd of civilians formed around them. There were a few smiles and jeers, no doubt thinking it was all a show.

“On behalf of t-... the Time Va-...Variance Authority, I hereby-... arrest you for-... for crimes against the… Sacred Timeline, V-… Variant!” B-15 huffed between blows.

“Ergh!” A minuteman got pruned. Loki’s cloaked variant said nothing, only continued fighting. He backed back into the tent, took aloft a jousting lance, broke it half and reemerged. For all their combined ability, the TVA was losing. The glow of pruning swung around arbitrarily. He dipped into the fight and caught his counterpart’s cutlass in the cross the two ends of the lance made.

“Pardon me, I mean no intrusion,” he said calmly to his other self, noticing a similar collar of metal that had adorned his own garments. He could feel the other’s tension as they reclaimed their sword and focused solely on him. It proved more of a poor decision than anticipated and he found himself holding his breath in pain more than he’d wanted. The wood was also useless and even though both it and he put up a valiant fight, his other self had taken hold of a baton along the line. His weapons were useless as they continued to share blows. He lowered the stubs of wood and opened his arms. The glowing end came close.

Then it wasn’t.

The grunting that followed was B-15 and Mobius disarming the variant of the baton and nearly restraining them.

“About to redline!” A remaining minuteman nearly yelled. B-15 and Mobius shared a look. A door was opened and Loki found the cloaked figure disappearing into a flurry of gold.

“What in the Rolling Stones was that, Blue-Raz?!” Mobius had him hard by the shoulder of both his jacket and dress shirt.

Loki blinked once then made eye contact with Mobius, “what ever do you mean?”

“He was about to kill you!”

“Prune,” Loki politely corrected. Mobius gawked.

“I kno--what were you thinking?!”

“Your only use of me is to capture me, I was assisting in that.”

“By letting you be killed by yourself?!”

“A mere distraction to the larger goal, Mobius.”

“And it almost worked,” B-15 piped from somewhere beside them. Her voice had dropped a tone or two.

“Yeah… almost had ‘im too.” Mobius admitted, letting Loki go. “But seriously, man, what was that?”

“Nearly fulfilling my role, as you yourself stated.” Loki replied pleasantly.

“We also barely pruned it in time and got outta there with our lives.” B-15 stated.

“Yeah…” Mobius rubbed the back of his head with his other hand on his hip as he stared at the floor. I was not lying, Loki wanted to say. To push. To scream. But he instead focused on the ache in his back. It should be fine in a matter of a few more hours given the time he had for recovery before the Tesseract opened the portal in New York and he was knocked from the Mind Stone’s, and thus Thanos’, direct influence.

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

Loki subconsciously touched his hideously blue palm as he waited outside of the judge’s office for his handler. The doors were decorated with sandglasses. How quaint .

Mobius finally emerged, stalking right past him. Loki fell in step behind him. He realized such only after he’d done it.

An angry finger wagged in front of him as they walked, “one thing, Loki, that’s all I asked.”

“The ‘talk’ from earlier.”

“No! Catching the superior version of yourself. We lost guys out there today-- good guys!” Good, yes, ‘good guys’ who also happened to have erased who knows how many people from existence.

“There would have been a lot more had I not been there and, likewise, a lot less had I been heeded.”

“And there you go again. That narcissism! Do you ever stop? Get tired of yourself?”

Loki didn’t respond as Mobius stopped and whirled on him, only gave him his schooled expression.

“I’m on thin ice ‘cause of you. I saved you, remember that? Didn’t that mean anything to your Asguardian standards or personal morals or anything?”

“If you recall, I was about to meet that fate regardless as I helped you bring in my Variant. I also have little doubt you will delete me if I survive assisting you in their arrest either way.”

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy? Ok. Well that other you is worse, remember that. He’s killed a lot of people--more than you. You’re just a little blue ice runt, crying in the cold.”

Loki chuckled and didn’t even need to bite back the urge to correct this “Loki expert.”

“Ever get tired of playing this same old part?” Mobius continued bitterly, “I’m getting sick of your constant need for sympathy, Loki!”

“Mobius?” He asked after allowing a few minutes to pass.

“What?” Mobius mumbled.

“This other Variant is after reset charges, why not supervise another ‘pruning’ in case we find the correct branch they target. How many happen in a day, usually?”

~~~@%*^*%@~~~

Loki almost choked when they entered into an Aguardian hall. The was beautiful and towering and held stones and architecture he could rewrite the books about. For one blissful second, he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of his homeland--or the place he was raised. His glamor fell over him unconsciously.

Then he had to play follow-the-leader with the TVA peons. He rounded a large corner and immediately knew how many steps it would take to get to his room, his mother’s and Thor’s.

“Loki?” A familiar voice boomed. Loki tensed. Mobius cast him a “good luck” glance and mumbled, “I’ll be back for ya, Blue-Raz”

Loki had the urge to run him through followed by his brother who should not—it didn’t matter, the timeline would be reset. The Thor bounding up behind him would be pruned with everything else… why did that hurt? He turned to face his adopted sibling.

“Loki, it is you? Isn’t it? I mean you look horrendous in that getup, but it’s you!” Thor held his hands out in what could only be described as reverence. But the esteemed Asguardian Prince was wearing dirty Midguardian clothes and had a beer gut to match. How? Barely any time had elapsed between that moment and when they were facing down in New York.

“It is me but what happened to you, brother?”

A shadow came over Thor’s face. His hands lowered and he reached out to Loki.

“Tell me the truth,” he whispered, “did you just escape the dungeons?”

Loki held his gaze for a few long moments. The timeline will be reset. There is no harm in it.

“No, Thor, I never—this me never went to the dungeons. Never came back to Asguard.”

Thor hissed an inhalation of breath as his eyes widened.

“Thor what happened to you? Why do you have mismatched eyes? Where is your armor? Or Mjolnir?”

“Oh, Loki! Loki. Loki. Loki.” Thor’s voice trembled with false laughter and an emotion Loki didn’t know, “what--you look horrendous. What in the Nine Realms are you wearing?”

“Thor, it is good to see you, but I’m afraid I don’t have the time for a chat.” Loki returned, clipped. Redline grew ever nearer.

Thor’s face fell again, “Loki… just tell me you’re alive. That I didn’t fail you on the Statesmen--Thanos is dead now, I-I killed him! I-... I killed him… I avenged you.”

“Oh, Thor,” Loki found himself saying as Thor’s eyes shined and tears spilled onto his cheeks. He allowed himself to be squeezed in the other’s arms… and found it to be the best hug he’d ever received… or the only hug….

“Thor… Thor, are you listening?” Thor only sobbed into his shoulder, holding Loki up against his beer gut and off of the actual floor.

“Y-yes?”

“Very soon, this timeline will be reset which means you will have never seen me here. So tell me, what happened to you?”

Thor whined in the back of his throat and plopped Loki back down, it was just hard enough to make pain spike up his nearly healed spine.

“I--You--Thanos--.”

Loki laid his arms on Thor’s biceps, squeezing gently, Thor shuttered then took a breath and smiled fondly at him. Fondly. Thor never did that. What sort of--how is he not the Variation?

“So after Ragnarok, Thanos… had all the Stones and killed half of what was left of Asguard including you. I wasn’t able to--I’m sorry.”

“Just tell me, Thor, I am right here.”

“Then I was found by the space morons and went to Nidevelir to forge Storm Breaker because Hela broke Mjolnir before Sakaar--Ragnarok happened because of her. Then we battled with the Avengers in Wakanda and… I didn’t go for the head! How could I have not gone for the head?! Thanos snapped and…. It was horrible, brother. Absolutely horrible. The whole universe. And so many extinctions followed and more tragedies. I-....” He hung his head. “I tried to drown my worries like the ‘oaf’ I am….”

“I thought your annoying little group was the ‘Avengers’ not the ‘Alcoholics.’”

“... Ha!” Thor slapped him on the back. The statement seemed to have brought about the intended reaction.

“Yes! Of course! So five years later, we found him and I slayed him! But Tony and Scott found a way to move through time to get the stones to undo it all, and so we did, and we succeeded! But still, Thanos haunted us and we had a final battle--which we won!” Thor seemed to have noticed himself that he was about to go into one of his long winded stories of victory, and cut it short.

Then his smile abated and his beard fell, “Loki, Steve and Tony lost the Tesseract in 2012 to you…?”

“Yes, yes, that would be me, brother.”

A gasp of breath as Thor readied himself for the most bone crushing hug in the universe was all that was afforded to Loki.

“Thor,” he wheezed slightly, “I know I was not kindest to you but must you kill me prematurely?”

“Oh, Loki! I never threw you off the Bifrost, and I-!”

“Charge is set, we gotta boogie!” Mobius interrupted, jogging over.

Thor allowed the interruption if only to interrogate him, “and who are you? How and why do you command my brother? If you are with Tha-!”

To Loki’s astonishment, a few electrical charges emanate off of his brother.

“No, time to talk. Put Loki down We gotta get outta Dodge.”

Thor’s grip tightened, “Thor, just do it!” Loki groused. Thor did. Mobius opened the portal.

“Sorry, big guy, big fan but I need your Buddy. You ever think of trying Old Spice?”

“Ah--I just--Loki just returned to me as he always does and you expect me to just give up?!”

“Thor, do not follow us, I would rather not see you get deleted.”

Heavy feet crossed through the yellow threshold and left 2023 Thor in 2014 with a gaping mouth and tear stained cheeks.

“So no Loki!” Mobius announced as he clapped his hands together, “that means we gotta get to work!” He went on to walk at a brisk pace. Loki trailed after, blinking back the stinging in his now red eyes.

“I was of the understanding that is what we were doing,” he put a hand over his throat while he cleared it.

“I need you to go over each and every one of this Variant's case files, and then, give me your... How do I put it?... Your unique Loki perspective. And who knows? Maybe there's something that we missed.”

Seeing as how you are so hypocritical, I would be surprised if you had not missed anything. Honestly, “all you Lokis are the same” yet in the same breath, “no Loki variant is exactly alike.” I think as I do.

“You are the expert, I trust your judgement” Loki said instead.

“That's why I'm lucky I got ya for a little bit longer. Let me park ya at this desk. And don't be afraid to really lean into this work. Here's a good trick for you: pretend your life depends on it. I'm gonna get a snack.”

For all his countless hours spent in not only the Grand Library, but others around Asguard and the other Realms, he found himself having little interest in sifting through all the instances in which that other version of him overcame the great TVA and triggered more animosity against themselves--and all other Lokis.

“Any motive, Sherlock?” He asked dryly.

“That’s what you’re for!” The agent chuckled, poked at his chest and walked away.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the agent walk away then turned his attention to the paperwork. The pattern was known to begin with but became… inane the more pages he flipped through: nexus event, dispensed TVA agents, the team goes silent, they’re found dead and without the reset charge, Mobius, the expert, is called in for investigation and then the branch is reset before redline.

One Loki… only one to best their happy little teams. I was bested, but I also have extenuating circumstances of the past year. Without Thanos’ interruption, could I have?... Yes, I fought alongside Thor and his foolish troup of warriors, I would have been able to exact my own damage. For a ‘timeline protection force,’ how are they schooled in combat?

“Pardon me,” he tapped the librarian’s bell. She turned to him with a nonplussed expression.

“Could you show me to the combat regimens of our dear agents?”

“No.”

“Infographics?”

“No.”

“Battle end-games?”

“No.”

“Well, you have been very helpful, thank you.” It was still a library after all and he more than knew his way around one seidr or not; his mind was still intact--somewhat intact and that had always been his greatest weapon.

So he sat back down at the table to form a plan of action, so to speak, of how he could find the files he wanted in the fastest and most assured way. But, he still had all the paperwork of this other Loki, dripping in red. Oozing. Gushing. Like Thor’s cape as yet more enemies were put to ruin under his brother’s sheer might. He never envied that red; never thought he could own it or have it become him… yet this other version had jumped--leapt into that pool of blood and ended all who stood in their way. Incapacitation would have sufficed. Has sufficed in innumerable cases. He’d both saved lives of his comrades and stupid brother, and saw the end goal in such a way.

He gasped and leapt up, running along the railing of the library.

“Mobius--.”

“No, I said, ‘don’t bother me until you’ve read all the files,’ and I know you don’t read that fast.” Mobius set his Js\osta down with a hard thonk .

“I have, but unimportant--.” Loki slid into the seat across from the agent in the cafeteria.

“No, read every file pertaining to the Variant.”

“The answer does not lie in the files, it lies on the timeline!” Mobius gave him a dangerous look at the slight raising of his voice. Loki took a breath.

“Look,” Loki began again with his arms fanning over the table, “they’re hiding in apocalypses.”

“Which one? There’s, like, a million?”

“Take Ragnarok, I assume you are familiar?”

“Yeah, total destruction of your weird coin planet and most of its people because of your sister Hela. I’m sorry.”

Sister? Hela? Thor mentioned her--unimportant now.

“Yes, well, that recent visit with Thor got me thinking…?”

Mobius regarded him but eventually sighed and sat back, making a small gesture, “yeah, sure, ok.”

“Nexus events happen when someone does something that is not meant to happen--.”

“A bit more complicated but yeah.”

“These can culminate into entire other timelines--.”

“Chaotic alterations of a predetermined outcome.” Loki did his best to ignore the interruptions. He forced animation into his movements as if trying to explain it to Thor. That was best, pretend he was explaining something that now seemed so basic to the warrior.

“Alright! So this is Asgard,” he plundered the agent’s salad bowl. Said agent gave sad push back. Loki continued.

“I could travel back to Asgard preceding Ragnarok and do whatever I wished; switch crowns, resoil linens, topple some columns. I could destroy the Rainbow Bridge.” He grabbed the small salt shaker and started pouring some in. Mobius mourned his food. Loki was not fed.

“None of this would matter. Not if I set fire to the courtyard. Or even killed the Allfather!”

“Why--Lo--God, Loki!”

“Excuse me,” Loki greeted Casey kindly at an adjacent table, “are you finished with this?”

Casey, who had his bunched napkin thrown on his plate in clear sign of being finished looked from his crumpled juice box to Loki, “you!”

“Yes, very nice to see you again,” Loki took the drink container and poured it into the salad, secretly relishing how the agent utterly deflated.

“Due to Surtur!” Loki finished.

Mobius rubbed his hand down his face, “what am I lookin’ at?”

“Apocalypses, Holmes.”

“Loki, you just apocalypse my lunch, I wanted to eat that!”

“You want my other Variant.”

Mobius leaned onto the table, “cut to the chase.”

“That is how they have escaped you for so long; no matter what happens, an apocalypse negates anything that would otherwise summon the TVA.”

“Oh, not bad. Not Bad. Hey, so, how do you weigh over five hundred pounds?”

That was a “jackknife”--as Midgaurdians may say--that he did not expect.

Mobius raised his hands, “hey, I’m not judging, just curious.”

“Focus, Mobius, please.”

“Ok, ok. My salad. Destroyed.” Another despondent hand waved at the bowl.

“I can show you my theory is true.”

Mobius laughed, “I’m not letting you go.”

“You come with me, naturally,” Loki pushed.

“Well, I’ve had enough of your troublemaking for one day.”

“No one has to know unless I am correct--which I am.”

“TVA agents can’t just go running around anyway. Waltzing into the White House would be a Nexus event.”

You are not listening!

“Pompeii, for instance, you Midguardians like talking about that catastrophe, we could go there!”

“Pompeii?”

“Pompeii. Everyone died and that town was not even the worst hit of the eruption of Vesuvius.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk, talk, talk. Oh, you’re so smart!” Mobius sneered and wiped his mouth with his napkin despite not having spilled anything much less eaten enough to make a mess of his face. No food for either of them it seemed.

“If I go along with this and you stab me in the back, you’re getting erased. Capische?”

“Understood,” I am fully expecting that regardless.

[shreya11111]

Mike CANONICALLY said his life started the day they found El in the woods. This is canon. He really said that. He really loved her at first sight. “but but when he was 12 he wanted to send her away.” Yeah but his love confession makes clear his TRUE feelings at the time. 12 years talk shit and say things they dont mean but you can see it in his eyes how much he has always loved her. You attack the monologue from all angles with your delusions but canon is CANON, and canon is TRUTH. Mike said he loved El 9 times, dammit. Period. And the monologue made grown men cry on YouTube and everywhere in the real world because it shows what real, mature love looks like. Y’all are just jelly he didn’t monologue to a boy. This is misogyny, plain and simple. Y’all want El to be unloved so much, it makes me seethe

you seem to want to emphasize on what's canon a lot, so...

let's talk about canon

throughout the show, here are the things we see to be 100% canon:

1. mike showed no indication of "love at first sight" when it came to el in season 1

gentle reminder that this is a tv show and not real life – yes, 12 year olds can say & do stupid shit that don't reflect how they actually feel, but since this is a tv show, the writers have to give at least SOME indication of the character's true feelings at the time to clue the audience in. they can't just not build that up and then randomly spring it on the audience later on. it doesn't work like that.

2. mike says to will, in the same episode as the monologue, that meeting el was "not fate, (it's) not destiny, it was simple dumb luck".

first of all, destiny/fate & love at first sight go hand in hand. it is destiny, by chance that you meet someone and instantly fall in love with them. mike saying that it wasn't this, and it wasn't destiny/fate just show that it WASN'T actually love at first sight for him.

3. mike made the conscious choice to ask if he could be will's friend the day they first met

this contrasts the midleven meeting which mike describes as "simple dumb luck". it's not something he had control over. whereas, with his and will's relationship, it was something he had control over.

4. mike could only say "i love you to el" after being peer-pressured by will

this is fact. this is canon. you literally can't say otherwise.

5. mike hyperfixates only on el's powers during the monologue, and does not say a single other quality about her.

even throughout the show, the only traits he compliments about her are superficial things that don't show that he knows anything fundamental about her. apart from her powers, he compliments her on her looks.

6. midleven never once has a successful heart-to-heart, while byler has had several

this is interesting because all the likely endgame couples have had heart-to-hearts before. so interesting indeed that midleven has had none.

7. the vines tighten around el's neck until she looks at max

mike's monologue wasn't even effective lmao- all he did was waste the time el could have used to save max. it was seeing max nearly die that gave el the strength she needed. NOT mike's bs monologue.

8. there were zero memories/flashbacks that played during the monologue except for when they first met

this was also a factually accurate thing mike said, and warranted a flashback (most likely to jog the audience's memories of s1). after that, however, there is nothing. they could have included some cute midleven scenes in the monologue but NOPE.

9. there were flashbacks/memories that played for el of her time with max.

funny how there were no memories or flashbacks of midleven during the monologue scene but there were tons of flashbacks for her and max.

also, there is the fact that several of the memories of elmax that played was extremely anti midleven like "not hopper, not mike...you" and "there's more to life than stupid boys". midleven is bones.

10. mike said he loved el "9 times" but not one seemed genuine

the first "i love you" in itself seemed forced, and came right after will yelled "you're the heart!" at him. it shouldn't be THIS hard for him to say ily to el if she is about to die and if the ily could potentially save her. it shouldn't take will pushing him for him to finally say it.

11. mike has been able to give a monologue before that was 10x more genuine than the milkvan monologue

season 2, will is possessed and we have mike give the iconic "do you remember the first day that we met?" monologue. he actually shows some ounce of emotion unlike the midleven monologue.

12. el is not unloved. she is loved by hopper, joyce, jonathan, will, max, lucas, dustin.

el doesn't require romantic love to feel loved and valued, quite frankly because romantic love isn't the only kind of love, and certainly isn't the only kind of love that deserves to be valued and cherished.

you guys throw the word "misogynistic" around so much that it's starting to lose meaning. what misogyny really is is wanting el to rely and depend on a man for her strength and value. misogyny is wanting el, someone who has spent majority of her life in a lab outcasted from society, to rush into a relationship with a) zero concept of what a romantic relationship actually entails and b) not knowing much of anything about HERSELF.

in order to know what she wants and requires from a relationship, she needs to know who she is and what she wants for herself first.

y'all want stranger things to be superficial so bad, it makes me seethe.

[romchat]

Oooh I didn't know Guo was in the middle of filming another drama with our faves! 💙 He's like the Cdrama version of Ryan Murphy collecting all his beautiful, fabulously wigged dolls. I'll need to keep an eye out for that. So, I have to admit I'm a bit of a Qian Apologist even though her character is criminally underwritten (I have an unfinished draft about her and Shangjue's relationship as told by the show's cinematography that is so long Tumblr freezes whenever I try to make edits) so my answer to those two questions would be yes and no?

1) Do you think she is a direct catalyst for his blooming?

Something I found fascinating about Qian is despite her manipulativeness, she is one of the few people who truly treats Shangjue as a man not as a role. For example, she doesn't flinch at his self-imposed aura of ruthlessness. Especially in earlier episodes, Shangjue often wears bulky/threatening clothes, uses animalistic metaphors to articulate his worldview (“lions hunt by…”, “beasts”), and his home is shot to look dark and cave-like as if he’s some creature of the night. Qian picks up on that and uses what I'd label as "humanizing" tactics to manipulate their relationship:

��Others are scared of you but you’re actually gentle”

“Isn’t it good to be cared for?” as she blows on and cradles his fingers (and shares a story that indicates he too should also say when he's hurt--just like what he told Yuanzhi when he was little)

Let me plant some frivolous flowers in your cave to represent my lifelong devotion

I won’t cook animals that remind you of people you have killed, etc.

Yuanzhi adores Shangjue and demonstrates his devotion in numerous ways but there's still that deferential distance of Shangjue being a surrogate parent plus future sect leader. Qian ultimately treats Shangjue as someone worthy of care, someone who has their own particular desires and preferences, and someone who is more than the self-sacrifice and violence he has committed on the battlefield in the name of the Gong family. Like the inky black pool and inkstand by his side, Qian touches something very deep inside Shangjue that is not easily seen at the surface. (Notice how she's the only other character whose reflection is ever shown in his pool and when he's imagining her in the last episode with the azaleas that is where she is standing.)

And he slowly reciprocates that care towards her while softening his demeanor despite never quite trusting her ("I didn't expect that fragrance of this bay laurel ink can really calm people down").

And then we get to Episode 24, which is the true test of Shangjue's growth.

Shangjue is a foil for Ziyu so his (tragic) character arc is meant to emphasize the goodness of Ziyu's alternative approach to leading the Gong sect (e.g., his compassion, foregiveness towards Weishan). Shangjue is principled, intelligent, and loyal but I think we're meant to interpret his traditionalism as both a strength and weakness because his black-and-white approach not only makes him lose 1) the only thing he has ever selfishly desired for himself, 2) the person who saw him for him, but also 3) the person carrying his child (and ensuring the longevity of the Gong sect, which is something deeply ingrained in his identity). He can't make himself fully accept Qian like Ziyu was able to with Weishan.

At the same time, he does let Qian go and even forgives her (that "let her off" versus "let her go" dialogue nearly took me out). He is not the same Shangjue, and I can imagine how this will help him better relate to Ziyu and others.

(Side Note: When I saw this moment between Weishan and Shangjue during the fight with Huanyu, my eyebrows raised way up because it's basically Shangjue confronting the limits of his preconceptions of what it means to be part of and loyal to the Gong family. He recognizes her loyalty and saves her despite hating her origins as Wufeng.)

2) Do you think Yuanzhi has now got another ghost in his relationship with Shangjue?

I don't think so only because Lang and Qian represent such different aspects of Shangjue's love. Lang represents an idealized past Yuanzhi can never compete with while Qian represents possibility that hasn't yet been explored. You can't miss something you never had.

If I were writing Season 2, I'd have Shangjue and Yuanzhi go on an adventure outside the valley to search for Qian and that child. Maybe find Yuanzhi a boyfriend now that Jin Fan is officially off the market. What do you think? @randomingoftherandomness

My Journey to You Ep. 13 visuals: Lanterns of fate

"Be it manmade or natural fate, I want all these fates." -Thirsty Sister

No matter how many times I see them, I always love a good lantern festival scene. And when those scenes use said lanterns as a visual motif to represent the significance of Fate in our characters' relationships? Yes, please.

Sigh, such lovely framing. And I'm glad to see Jolin Jin get an opportunity to exercise those dramatic chops.

Gong Zishang's rumination about Fate really encapsulates so many of our characters' current relationships, no? Both Yun Weishan/Gong Ziyu and Gong Yuanzhi/Gong Shangjue collided into each others' lives because of nefarious, political machinations, not natural Fate.

Weishan was planted in the Gong residence by Wufeng to destabilize the clan's stronghold in the martial arts world. And yet Fate is a funny thing. Weishan probably never imagined the Sword Wielder to embody the type of soft life she has always desired but never deemed herself worthy of so it almost seems like Fate that two individuals who desire the same thing would find each other and fall in love despite living in such a cutthroat world. Ultimately, she decides to challenge the fate dictated to her by Wufeng by deciding to save Ziyu, thereby permanently changing the course of their lives (and the plot of the show).

It's also revealed in today's episode that Shangjue and Yuanzhi first met soon after Shangjue's mother and brother were assassinated by Wufeng (starting to see a pattern) and Yuanzhi's own parents had died. Through their mutual grief, they formed a strong bond, although it seems for most of their relationship Shangjue hasn't always been able to fully reciprocate Yuanzhi's open devotion and warmth despite caring for him deeply.

But seeing his cousin near death seems to have shifted Shangjue's perception of their relationship. As he cradles the new lantern Yuanzhi made to represent their relationship (independent and distinct from the one Shangjue shared with his younger brother), it finally seems like he's accepted their Fate as an inseparable found family despite the terrible circumstances that had brought them together.