#general pd talk

[avpdpossum]

Hello! Hoping anyone that comes across this could share their thoughts as well, but I was curious if you consider personality disorders on their own as neurodivergent? Why or why not? Thank you

they absolutely are neurodivergent!

i think a lot of people’s introduction to the concept of neurodivergence is through the autistic and adhd communities, and that leads people to assume neurodivergence only includes things you’re born with, but that’s not actually the case.

here’s how i would explain neurodivergence:

the social Powers That Be in our current (Western, capitalist, etc) society have designated certain ways of thinking, feeling, perceiving, and so on as the Correct Ways of Existing.

most of our world is built on the assumption that everyone’s brains will work that way, because that’s the way they “should” work. when people’s brains don’t work that way, it’s assumed that the solution is to find a way to “fix” them or get rid of them.

as a result, people whose brains do work in that way have an easier time navigating the world and are generally treated better by it, while people whose brains deviate from that expectation in some way have a more difficult time navigating a world not built with them in mind and are treated as “wrong”/“bad”.

people in the first group, who can navigate the world with very little added stigma or difficulty as a result of the way their brains work, would be considered neurotypical.

people in the second group, who do face added stigma and barriers to functioning as a result of the way their brains work, would be considered neurodivergent.

so, if you want to determine if something makes someone neurodivergent, you can ask yourself a few questions:

does it have to do with their psychology/neurology?

does it affect their thinking, emotions, perceptions, or other brain functions in a way that is considered “abnormal” by current social norms?

does it carry a stigma and make them more likely to be mistreated?

does it cause them extra difficulty with navigating and functioning in the world?

if the answers to those questions are yes, chances are it’s a form of neurodivergence!

so, if we look at those questions for personality disorders:

this is the easiest answer — yes!

personality disorders are classified as “mental illnesses”, put in the dsm, and generally assumed to be under the jurisdiction of psychiatry, so i think we can pretty safely say that yes, personality disorders are seen as “abnormal” forms of brain functioning according to current social norms.

personality disorders and their traits are incredibly stigmatized — pwpds are assumed to be violent, abusive, generally bad people, and so on. this is most visibly true for cluster b pds, but stigma against the other pds and against the personality disorder category in general is also very real. so this one’s a yes — pwpds are very frequently mistreated on the basis of our brains being “wrong”.

personality disorders, by definition, come with some sort of functioning difficulties, and the world isn’t built to accommodate those differences in functioning. as an example, think of the high expectations of emotional regulation (not “too” emotional but not “cold” either) and social capability in professional spaces, even ones where emotions and social interactions don’t affect a person’s ability to do the job well. that makes this one a yes too; a society that took pwpds into account would seek to accommodate the areas we struggle with and ensure that there’s a place for us, and that definitely isn’t happening right now.

so yeah, according to my own personal understanding of neurodivergence, personality disorders absolutely count. we diverge from the assumed norms of psychological/neurological functioning, so we count as neurodivergent, even those of us who aren’t also neurodivergent in other ways.

on a personal level, i can say i feel no real difference in how i internally experience being audhd vs how i experience my personality disorders — they both just feel like my brain doing its thing, sometimes in ways that are unpleasant/difficult for me to deal with and sometimes in ways that just feel totally fine and unremarkable from my point of view. i also rarely notice a difference in how neurotypical people treat them — they usually don’t know the difference between audhd “weirdness” vs avoidant/narcissistic/schizospec/dissociative “weirdness”, it’s all just one big blob of Weird And Bad And Wrong to most people. the only time they’re ever really treated as different is when certain other neurodivergent people try to separate the two.

trying to draw lines between neurodivergence and “mental illness” (which is usually what’s happening when people say pds aren’t a form of neurodivergence) doesn’t actually help anyone. in my opinion, it’s basically just a way for certain people to try to get ahead by putting other people down — it says “accept us because we’re different in the good way, not in the bad way! we’re not sick like those people!” and that kind of attitude doesn’t do anyone any good. sure, the experiences that come with having a since-birth neurodivergence can be different from those that come with having an acquired neurodivegence, but people within those groups also have different experiences because everyone’s experience is going to be unique, we’re all different people in different circumstances! diversity of experiences among neurodivergent people is to be expected and is honestly a good thing, not a reason to avoid associating with each other.

in my experience, the people who insist that pds aren’t true neurodivergences are usually pretty damn sanist toward pwpds - they exclude us because they don’t want to be associated with us, they want to be accepted but they don’t think we should be so they try to make us seem totally different from them. in reality, neurodivergence is a broad umbrella and there’s room under it for all of us.

[pluie-et-romarin]

I'm sick af, but this ain't stopping the pd grind: episode 10 finished

I have two things to say:

Fuck Mal

Live laugh love Wavelengh

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

fucked up ship bingo.... i feel like you've finished dunmeshi? so i will say. farcille!!!! & also tidalwave :]

i have not actually finished dunmeshi yet !!!! im still relatively close 2 the beginning actually, i took a break from reading it to go hardcore finishing moby dick (which i still have not done yet. you might even call it. my white wha *gets shot*)

I have a lot of feelings about farcille though <3

ALSO FUCK YES THANK U FOR SAYING TIDALWAVE I WAS LITERALLYYYYY THINKING ABT THEM WHEN I RBED THIS

i dont actually want them to kill each other but theyve definitely tried to before so i had to include that one. actually i also should've added the vampire bat one. im not sorry for being a tidalwave enjoyer it WILL happen again. worlds worst divorced single fathers. i think tide should visit him in prison

[leonhrt]

I want to talk about how often characters coded to have a personality disorder are nearly always seen as autisitic coded by fandoms, but i don't have the energy to type a lot.

[comradecowplant]

Love how the new PLL writers were like okay FINE fans were right to point out that A was never really a slasher villain and continuing to use that moniker for these new villains is a slap in the face to the original evil girlbosses-- Mona, Cece, and Ello Spensah-- who worked 👏 hard 👏 scheming and stooging (sometimes YEARS of preparation!) in order to torture the original liars...... so for these new girls we will call the villains B instead :)

[kraviolis]

one of these days im gonna be incredibly self indulgent and draw an entire fix-it comic about cleo shaw bcus shes one of my all time favorite characters and i fucking miss her so much bro

[tigwalen]

I got someone on my case last time I said something similar but I really don't care how much of a victim you are to Jakey being a terrible or abusive boyfriend, if you inflict him upon the rest of us and refuse to help yourself, I'm not going to help you.

[felassan]

David Gaider: "It occurs to me, after reading posts getting it spectacularly wrong, that there are a lot of misconceptions over how game studios organize and, in particular, who makes the actual decisions about what ends up in your game. Much of it is by folks who don't *try* to get it... but not all, surely. I'll explain it a bit, but a big caveat: I'm going to talk in generalities and roles. Actual titles vary (a lot) from studio and studio, and the bigger a studio is the more segmented their departments (and thus management) is going to be. Even so, most studios, big and small, kind of work the same. To start, you're going to break your devs up into at least three groups: design (what is the game? how does it work?), art (what will it look like?), and engineering (making it go). There can be a lot of cross-over and some departments that don't fit into a project structure (QA, Marketing, etc.)"

Rest of post under cut due to length.

"There's going to be someone in charge of these groups - these are usually called "leads" or "senior leads". The actual title varies. The Design Lead could be a Lead Designer, for instance, or it could be a Creative Director and a Lead Designer is what they call someone further down the chain."

"These leads all report to a Project Director, someone who's job it is to manage the project as a whole. Now, this part gets a little dicey. Depending on the studio, this role can be anything from more production-oriented (they control the schedule) to an outright auteur who micro-manages everything."

"More importantly, it's the PD who hands down the project goals to the Leads: the strategic goals, the needed features, the shape of it all, etc. The Leads then figure out how their department is going to tackle those, and work with each other. If the Leads conflict, it's the PD's role to solve it. How much autonomy or ownership those Leads have is, like I said, really up to the individual PD and that studio's culture. Even in the case of a PD who has a lot of authority over the project, however, they still report to the studio leadership (unless it's the same person, like in a small studio)."

"The studio leadership is going to be giving the PD their marching orders, often in the form of those strategic goals. If there's a publisher involved, that's where the studio leadership is likely getting those goals. The PD, then, ends up being the person who has to negotiate with everyone above."

"What does this mean? If the studio or publisher has concerns about the project, they're calling in the PD to explain. If the project needs more time or resources, it's on the PD to explain to them why and how and when. If there are a lot of layers above the PD... yes, it's a looot of meetings. So while the PD is managing up, the Leads are managing down. With big projects, that means managing the "sub-leads"... those in charge of the individual sections of their department. It'd be unmanageable otherwise, and the bigger the project the more of these there are going to be."

"What does this mean? Well, let's look at the way BioWare broke up Design (as of 8 years ago, anyhow). Design consisted of Narrative Design, Level Design, Systems Design, Gameplay Design, and Cinematic Design (who worked in tandem with Cinematic Animation, which actually fell under the Art Lead)."

"The sub-leads are handed their goals by the lead, and work out how they're going to produce their particular corner of the game and also, more importantly, how they're going to work with each other. Conflicts between sub-leads are handled by the lead, as are ANY conflicts with other departments. What conflicts could there be, you ask? Dependencies, for one. "I can't do X until Y is done, but Y is someone else's job". Or scope. "We need 20 doodads but the sub-lead said they only have time to make 10, what now?". Even outright differences in vision. Big projects means room for a LOT of egos. If you think this is easier with a smaller (or indie) project, the answer is "yes, but not really". The roles are still necessary but often get combined into one person. Or outsourced, and someone still needs to manage the outsourcing. Things fall off over-full plates. It's a different kind of hard. Anyhow, the point of all this is: the further you go down the chain, the smaller the box you can play in is. The less you have actual say over, and even then that say is subject to being overridden by ANYONE above... and must still play nicely with the needs and goals of the other departments. You also need to keep in mind that projects are constantly in flux. Problems that were thought solved need re-solving. The team falls behind schedule and scope needs to change. You are constantly in a dance, within your tiny box, trying to figure out sub-optimal solutions that cause the least pain. And there will be pain. Shit rolls downhill, as they say, and when the project encounters big issues that means those high up have the sad job of figuring out how to spread it out and who can afford to take the hardest hit. If you're that one, you take it on the chin and you deal. This is the job. Lastly, I'll re-iterate: not every studio works this way, exactly. The roles exist, sure, but are not divided up so neatly or as easily identifiable. Even so, this should give you an idea what "lead" and "sub-lead" mean... and perhaps help you imagine what it's like existing further down the chain."

[source thread]

[ssahotchnerr]

okay but hear me out: hotch and bau!reader are married and she absolutely is the mom friend so the team calls them mom and dad

simultaneously

i LOVEEEE that cw; fem!reader, brief talk of illness, sweet domestic fluff (i'm crying)

interrupting the current, comfortable silence of the car - mind the radio playing lightly - spencer erupted into a sneezing fit, one that lasted at least a good ten seconds.

once his sneezing had ceased, you turned in your seat, allowing you to peer into the back at him. aaron's eyes quickly darted towards you, double checking your seatbelt was still properly laid across your chest despite your movement - just by force of habit.

"do you need tissues..?"

spencer weakly nodded his head in response, you plucked a few from the package you had conveniently stuffed into your pocket.

"how about a throat lozenge?" spencer croaked quietly and hopefully after he blew. the congestion was clear in his voice, as well as on the hoarse side.

"here." aaron didn't skip a beat, answering immediately. he dug into his pocket to retrieve a few, reaching his arm back behind his seat to hand the cough drops off to reid, all while keeping his eyes set on the road ahead.

emily snorted out a laugh, surprised, but not surprised at the same time. "you just happened to have some on you?"

"cold and flu season," aaron shrugged, flicking on his blinker and taking a right turn.

"and," you finished for him, looking out the window as he turned through the intersection, "with jack, the amount of germs he brings home from school. then you add his age to the mix - being more susceptible and all - you can never be too careful." you too shrugged, mirroring aaron's to a tee. "same goes for a team of profilers."

"speaking of," aaron searched through his other pocket, retrieving a pocket-sized container of purell and handing that back as well. "best we try not spread it if we can. the last thing we need is everyone calling out simultaneously."

"or," you reached into yours, grabbing a small hand gel also. "this one's scented. warm vanilla sugar, if you'd prefer this over the generic. and you know what," you adjusted in your seat again, facing aaron a little more head on, "we should probably stop and pick up vitamin c tablets for everyone before we get back to the pd. just to be on the safe side."

"ugh you two are so married and so mom and dad," emily feigned disgust as aaron nodded his head in agreement to your suggestion, but was still immensely entertained nonetheless, "it's sickening, pun intended. are you going to do the forehead check next?"

[phoebastria-albatrus]

i need to make a post on why i draw 3/4 of the pd nonwhite can i trust the jrwi fandom 2 be normal. awesome. lots of posts today lesgo (this got really long so under the cut)

vyncent is like canonically vaguely asian whatever the fuck that means but he is just generically mixed SEAsian king 2 me. he cannot name any part of his heritage and he’s real 4 that. anyhoo. i think his actual like straight up immigrant allegory is smth more people should think about!!! people are thinking your weird for not knowing what something is??? holy fuck!!! social fumbles??? fuck!!! yeah!! anyway. and the assumption of a dumb immigrant and how people perceive him as that and are actually confused when he can stand his ground and say stop talking at me. yeah. anyway asian king and the feeling of being stuck in someone’s perception of you is something imma bring up w dakota too so.

dakota. yeah. i usually draw him Black or mixed and i think this is important regarding his backstoryyyyy. poc and esp Black families aren’t given the same support sometimes in grieving and that Can lead to drug abuse moreoften so. that happens with alaska. and dakota is in this place of i need to be strong because people will pick on me if im weak and alaska needs me. that’s basically canon but boy if you imagine it in a poc way. 100 damage. so you look outwardly strong to everyone else but like!! you’re just a kid!!! and adultification!! ur a 16 year old boy and you just want to be silly!!! and then people still see you like this and you think but that’s not me!!! but you can’t drop this now either. so you’re stuck between being seen as weird by white peers and weak by poc peers.

mixed latina-white for our girl ashe and it Is important that she doesn’t remember anything she might’ve learned from her mother. her brain made space for the demon language by shoving out her other language or smth. but yeah so you kill your mother and a couple years later you realise oh, i have nothing from my culture and my father can’t help me with this. he doesn’t know how to help keep my hair healthy or what those words mean or how to throw a quince. so ashe spends her time in online school clubs and internet forums but somethings still missing. she finds tutorials for her hair and starts doing language courses but there’s still Something missing. because she’s being taught this by someone she doesn’t know or who’s just a face behind a screen and. yeah. the disconnect from her culture is something vyncent Kind of gets but she’s alone in this. so yeah ashe is someone who became moreeee. timid. in physical spaces. to keep eyes off of her and not dissect whatever is wrong with her. why she doesn’t pronounce that correctly or why she walks around with a white father.

anyway. thats it. dont kill me.

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 119 (Give Her Our Regards)

Conrad didn't leave for the city as soon as Detective Spangler's text came in. A ball of nervous energy to set eyes on the woman who'd driven him to the edge of madness and endangered his family for years, he needed to fuel some of his anger into the punching bags upstairs before he hit the Simmerloop Superhighway.

He let Heather know he was headed to the city to meet Ximena behind bars, but the good news meant she didn't care he'd be home late. "Give her our regards," she said with a smile.

This still wasn't completely over. Brindleton PD had to confirm Ximena was responsible for the murder of Jimmy Stefano and he still needed to find her brother, Rafa. But with Ximena behind bars, the police detail that had lingered in Sable Square throughout the winter could finally be redirected elsewhere.

The docks needed more patrol with Bay Security still in disarray, and with George Brindleton still enjoying the sun in Sulani.

He tried calling the old man on his way into the city, but George never liked to answer his calls. By the time he made it to San Myshuno PD it was almost lunchtime, and after a quick chat with some of his old colleagues, he headed downstairs to the prison cells.

"You said you wouldn't talk without Lieutenant Gordon present, so there he is."

With her hands cuffed behind her back, Ximena scowled. She'd never looked more pitiful, but Conrad's heart had hardened against her.

"Does this make you happy, Conrad?"

He shrugged. "Of course it does. What else do you want me to say?"

She grimaced as Detective Spangler led her into the interrogation room, but she wouldn't tell him a thing.

"I only want to talk to Conrad. I don't know you."

"Whether you know me or not, you know what happened to Jimmy Stefano."

She stared at him, stonefaced, and Conrad knew he'd have to talk to her. He stood and brushed his pant legs, heading into the interrogation room. He found Ximena threatening to walk out while Zion tried to coax her back into her chair.

"Is something wrong, Miss Bonilla?"

"I told him I'd talk to you, Conrad, not him."

"Lieutenant Gordon, I tried to tell her you're busy with the search for her brother, Rafael, but she's insisting she won't talk to anyone but you."

"What difference does it make who she talks to? The whole room's set up with cameras and microphones."

"She says she'll go back to her cell if she doesn't get to talk to you."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not even in the room," Ximena snapped.

Conrad let out an elaborate sigh. "Fine, Ximena. We'll talk. But you're answering my questions. Nothing more."

"Fine."

Detective Spangler left them alone in the room, but it felt smaller with just he and Ximena inside. "Did you kill Jimmy Stefano?"

"No."

"Do you know who did?"

"I don't know them."

"So you made the call?"

"I always make the call."

"And this time?" He needed her to say it, sitting down to make himself more comfortable. She wouldn't join him; Ximena loved looking down on just about anyone, including him.

"I can't answer that without an attorney."

"Do you have one? The cartel usually sends one."

"If you see one of their slimeball attorneys around, let me know."

Conrad looked at her, without allies but still defiant. "Do you really have no idea where your brother is?"

She frowned. "He ran away from me, Conrad. Just like you did."

"I can't pity you, Ximena. You made life hell for me and my family."

"The boy, he's not even yours."

"He's my family, Ximena. He has been since before he was three years old."

Ximena sneered. "I'm happy for you, Lieutenant. But unless you want to tell me you're letting me go, I'm done talking."

They had a lot more questions, but he knew Ximena wouldn't cooperate. Once she'd found a public defender and had been transferred to Brindleton Bay, they could keep pressing her for details of the murder at the docks.

He led Ximena back to her cell while she ranted about his betrayal. He tuned her out, grateful she was finally behind bars, as Detective Spangler joined him again by the cells.

"The chief says no one's been able to get a hold of George for two days. She's finally sending you to his villa to check on him."

"When? It's almost Love Day."

"You might need to make that one up to your wife. Almost wife. But she can get you on a flight out of San Myshuno Airport tonight."

"Just me?"

Zion offered a lighthearted shrug. "The chief's watching costs and needs me to stick to Ximena until she's transferred to the Bay. Besides, Chief knows you're George's favourite."

Texting Heather on his way to the airport, Conrad picked up a change of clothes from the gift shop before boarding a red eye to tropical Sulani.

He was on his way to talk to George Brindleton, but he hoped his task would finally put him face-to-face with Rafa Bonilla, most of all. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 2.1 Summary

Gen 1 Start | Gen 1 Summary

[lalalalupia]

OK so yeah Lore dump about my AU..(beware that subjects can change in the future.)

This is going to be a long long ride with some pretty arts along the way.

let’s start with what is this AU? :

Prime demons / Prime demon glitch is what if Prime defender boys set in a world of horror and they are monster instead of yk like in canon.

first of need to clarify that, the world setting is like in canon but with a little twist that dead star did rift half of prime make it some kind of apocalypse dystopian world where the abyss(monster) come up of the rift and people who interact with it get infected.

However, before the coming of dead star Prime originated had its magic user mutant that originated in its planet ( witch + ghost and stuff.) After the founding of Watch, they selected a few mutant by themselves to raised them to be the new generation of PF ( like in canon)

However Watch in this AU…is not overall good guy. And PF and PD in this universe is not treated as good as in canon. It was more like a grey area operation..only Dakota that still believes they are heroes.

And for the boys I did need to separate them into their own section. Let’s start with William the Ghost.

For the better understanding of the overall plot.

William did died from the fall, but with a little twist that he is actually got stabbed and push by someone before the falls.

He did have some power like the original, However it did come from the previous whisperer that give it to him when Wiwi is dying. In an attempt to escape Mal. He vows himself that he would solve who killed him and another children in dead woods.

For Dakota :

Some changes in his plot a little bit for the angst ( first of all he and William is a childhood friend before Dakota parents died in an *accident* ) and he moved in with his aunt in new haven.

however, one time when he went hiking with his friends. They got attacked by the abyss bear, Dakota tried his best to save his friend but failed his friend was mauled to death and so does he.

But In his dying state he saw a a big wolf came in and destroyed the bear. and he also saw a boy that looks just like william with it. The wolf bit Dakota results in its saving his life.

Like in Canon Dakota falls into state like coma, but in here he and the wolf did talk and train together( it is actually master cole ) and in the end the wolf told him to go find the new whisperer at deadwood and never trust watch.

When he woke up. Like in canon he is the one who admit his aunt to rehab. And due to complications issues his aunt is the one who sign his guardianship away to the Watch for she can no longer take care of him anymore which results in he went to look for william.

*Side note he has some complicates feeling about watch but still believe in them as heroes, he just needs time and talk with william first*

He then find out William is missing...heart broken he went into the woods where he and William usually go together, somewhere only they know...there he meet William Wisp welcoming him home

Not knowing what happened or what will happen next Dakota and William join finally together again. However, they are not quite alone for William met someone new and Dakota bought Watch here in dead woods as well without knowing. But in the good side they got each other.

[ another Vyncent lore dump will be here soon. ]

[hyacinthleaves]

Istg you're carrying the project eden's garden x reader tag on your back 😭😭.

Could I request Damon, Wolfgang & Mark with a blackened reader and what their reaction would be when they discover it was them in the trial?? (For the sake of this imagine Wolfgang is alive...)

PD: what if the motive was that if the blackened got away they could choose another student to leave with? (Reader would obviously want to leave with the character)

DAMON FANS WHAT IS HAPPENING

Damon Maitsu:

I already talked about Damon's s/o as the blackened but with that motive?

He's actually going to lose his shit

He cares so much about you and he had a sneaking suspicion that one of you were going to die by the end of the game (though he didn't want to believe it) but he had no clue that it was going to be for that reason

Really, with his mixed emotions in that moment, he wants to call you a dumbass

But he loves you so much because you went to those lengths to try and make sure the two of you come out alive

So for a bit he says nothing because he's genuinely buffering, but you can see it in his eyes (through his tears), he's extremely grateful even though you did do that

It pains him to say that you're the killer but he'll honestly try to be as slow as possible just so he can have a few more moments with you (and he's beating himself up for it because he knows what's going to happen anyway)

He'll watch your execution and just think that this was entirely preventable if he never got close to you in the first place

...wait

Hear me out. What if you just told him in advance

I really think that if you manage to make Damon reach a level of selfishness and hate for others, you can convince him to keep his mouth shut for a pretty long time

Like really if you let him sit in the fact that he never wanted to be there, everyone hates him, he hates everyone, and there's a way out if he just shuts up, I think it's possible

Out of all 3 characters listed, I genuinely feel like he's the most likely to shut up and actually help you get away with it if there's enough preparation

Food for thought, I don't know

It'll make it so much worse when/if you get executed though because he actively played a hand in your death. His mental health will quickly go downhill from there

Wolfgang Akire:

He's SO conflicted, poor guy

And I'm sorry to say this, but he would flat out tell you that he never wanted you to do that

It hurts him to say it too but he's generally pretty selfless (or at least in front of others, he does care about how he presents himself) and he wants to keep that up, whether he actually believes it or not

It's not like his love for you isn't strong, but he's also a lawyer. YOU should've seen that coming

He'll still be upset for sure but in a moment of high stress, it'll definitely look like he turned his back on you, even though he's just trying to solve the case

And I don't think it would've changed even hm if he thought that you might've done it from the start

I don't think he would want everyone else to die for the sake of you two, it just wouldn't have worked long term either

He's pissed but so sad because he knows how much you care about him but you knew damn well he doesn't like what you did

This would be disastrous because he's crying out of frustration and it looks like he's so pissed. It literally looks like you two are breaking up, because he's mad at you because you killed someone and now you're about to die. There's so much shit happening I don't even think anyone would want to talk anymore

Mark Berskii:

(if the motive was public) As soon as that motive dropped, he knew something was going to happen

I feel like he considered it for a moment but he thought that it wouldn't be right to do anything so he didn't

He also wondered if you would kill someone for the both of you, but it wasn't something he was taking seriously. It still stayed in the back of his mind though

This bit of anxiety caused him to keep an eye on you a lot more than he usually does

If he thinks you're acting suspiciously, he'll be extremely nervous but he won't say a word. He doesn't want to know. If it's you, he doesn't want that thought plaguing his mind at a time like this

Even if you did do it, he wouldn't want you looking suspicious during the investigation. He'll stick to you and just tell you to act normal if you aren't already

If you don't have an alibi during the time of the murder, he might just make something up. He becomes EXTREMELY protective. He doesn't want anything happening to you

He might crash out before you do just because he doesn't even want anyone thinking of you in that manner

It would look very sudden compared to his general silence from before

He doesn't care if you did or didn't do it anymore, he refuses to lose you. It almost looks like he has more to lose than you do, and you're the one that might die

He's gonna become Damon levels of pissy after the trial. If people even look at him for too long he'll get mad

It'll take him a bit to calm down and I don't think anyone will really try to bother him, for obvious reasons

[acewritesfics]

Feel the Same | Jay Halstead

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Request: from @/runnning-outof-time 

Warnings: General Chicago PD stuff. Working undercover. Guns. Serial killer who gets off on forcing couples to do stuff before killing them. I may have taken it a little further than I needed to. 

Word Count: 1,822

Jay Halstead Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“Come on you two, act more like a couple,” Ruzek could be heard over Jay and Y/N’s ear pieces. Y/N fights the urge to roll her eyes as she shifts closer to Jay. 

“Maybe you can come in and take my place,” she mumbles as Jay leans in, leaving barely any space between them as his blue eyes look into hers. 

“You and Jay are more his type,” he says referring to the suspect having an affinity for women who look similar to her with men who just so happen to also look like Jay. The whole thing was uncanny. “Though I’m flattered that you think Jay and I would make a cute couple.” 

“Enough you two,” Hank’s rough voice breaks through their bantering. “But Ruzek’s right, you need to look in love or you won’t get his attention.” 

Jay takes her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb, his touch calming her. He gives her a soft smile and leans in closer to talk to her so he’s not shouting over the music. 

“I didn’t say it earlier, but you look incredible,” he says softly into her ear before pulling back far enough to look into her eyes. 

Her brain malfunctions for a moment, her skin heating from his compliment and his closeness feeling more intimate than when they last went undercover as a couple. 

Movement from over his shoulder catches her attention. Their murder suspect James Henry, who they feared is a couples serial killer, has his eyes zeroed in on her and Jay. She shifts her eyes back to her partner and pretend husband. “He’s looking but he looks a little bored.” 

“Then maybe we should give him a show,” he says before leaning in and softly kisses the side of her neck. 

She bites her lip and tries to suppress her surprise and the arousal she feels as his soft lips caress her skin. He was used to her kissing her cheek when they played into being a couple for undercover work, but this felt too intimate, and she found herself loving it. 

“This, okay?” She hears him ask, his warm breath fanning against her skin. She doesn’t know how he found her sweet spot on the first kiss 

“Mhmm,” she says unable to form any words. 

His lips brush her skin again, this time brushing against her sweet spot. The sigh of pleasure would have her feeling embarrassed but right now all she could focus on is the way Jay’s lips feel against her skin. She can’t remember the last time she’d been kissed this way and a part of her knows she shouldn’t be enjoying. 

Going along with it, she slides her hands under his shirt and scratches her nails along his skin. When Jay’s lips finally meet hers, she’s gone enough to melt into it. 

She comes back to reality a moment later and breaks the kiss. Glancing at their suspect, she says into Jay’s ear, “It’s time to go somewhere private.” 

Leaning back, she kisses Jay once more, taking his hand in hers and throwing him a smirk. She leads him to one of the private rooms off to the side of the club. 

“He’s following you,” Adam’s voice comes through the earpiece. 

“Good,” Jay says letting them know they heard him. 

“Keep up the show,” Adam adds, causing Y/N’s cheeks to heat up. She’d gotten so caught up in the kiss, she’d forgotten about the surveillance team watching and listening in on them. 

Once inside the room, Jay closes the door, leads her to the sofa and sits down, pulling her onto her lap. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” 

“Yeah,” she nods and starts fiddling with one of his buttons on his shirt. “We haven’t gone this far before but, whatever gets the job done, right?” 

He nods and looks over her shoulder, seeing the silhouette of a figure outside the door. Pulling her into another kiss, they move into a more intimate position with one of hands trailing up her thigh and gripping it just below the hem of her little black dress as the other buries it into her hair, holding her to him. Once again Y/N fights to hold back the moan threatening to escape the back of her throat. 

Hearing the door open and close, Y/N breaks the kiss. The two detectives turn their attention to the door, seeing their suspect standing there. 

“Don’t stop on my account,” he tells them, standing there with a smirk on his face and lustful hunger in his eyes. 

“Are you some kind of perv?” Y/N questions him, not even trying to hide her disgust as she clenches her jaw, now fighting off the urge to throw up. This guy was more than just a perv. 

Jay moves them so they’re standing up with him standing in front of her. She places a hand on his arms, to reassure him she can handle herself while maintaining the ‘couple’ persona. To James it looks like a boyfriend shielding his girlfriend, to her and Jay it’s more than that. He was protecting her like he always does, making sure he’d be the first or only one injured if it were to go south, giving her time to take him down or call for back up. She was reassuring him that she can handle herself, that she’s got his back, if anything happens to him, he’s her priority and that she’s willing to take his spot if it means protecting him. She’d be standing in front of him if she wasn’t playing the scared girlfriend. 

“You’re going to want to do as I say if you want to survive tonight,” James tells them pulling out a gun and pointing it towards them. 

Jay’s hand that was reached back behind him to hold Y/N close to him, gripped her tighter. “Are you fucking insane?” 

“Maybe I am, but the thing is I get this urge,” he begins, thinking this will be another kill he can get away with. “When I see a beautiful couple, like yourselves, I have to force them to do things and in a climatic ending I, unfortunately for them, have to kill them.” 

“Babe, I don’t want to die,” Y/N says to Jay, putting on the scared girlfriend act. 

“We’re not going to die, okay?” he says pretending to reassure her. “Look man, I don’t know what messed up crap happened in your life to make you like this, but I know some people who can help you. They specialize in this sort of thing.” 

“I don’t need a fucking therapist!” James shouts at him. “I need you to go back to what you were doing.” 

“Here’s the thing, I also have performance issues, okay?” Jay tells him. “I can’t perform under pressure. Just ask my girl. Last week something bad happened at work. I was stressed to the max and I couldn’t get it up. So, this, this isn’t going to happen unless you-” 

A shot went off cutting Jay off from his rambling about his fake performance issues in the bedroom. Jay looks at James more angry than shocked. 

After James takes a shot at Jay and misses him completely, Y/N reaches for her clutch, shoving her hand inside it and pulls out her gun. Taking a small step to the right, still standing mostly behind Jay, she holds up her gun pointing it at James. She makes sure to aim it at his head as her free hand clutches the back of Jay’s shirt, letting him not to move in case James decides to take another shot. 

“You shoot at him again, I’ll shoot you and believe me I won’t miss,” she tells him before mumbling into the small microphone. “If you’re going to move in, now would be the time.” 

“We’re on our way,” Hank’s voice comes through the earpiece before the door to the office is smashed open and the room is filled with cops. 

Thankfully the suspect drops the gun and holds up his hands knowing there is no other way out of this alive. Jay steps forward, taking the cuffs from Adam. Slapping them on to James’ wrists, he reads him his rights before handing him off to one of the other cops before making his way over to Y/N and Hank. 

“You two can fill out your reports in the morning,” Hank tells them. “Go home and get some sleep.” 

“You got it boss,” Y/N thanks him as he walks away. She turns to face Jay. 

“Are you okay?” he asks her, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“I should be asking you that,” she says covering his hand with hers. 

“Not the first time I’ve been shot at,” he smiles. 

“Okay, macho man,” she rolls her eyes and pulls him in for a hug. 

“I’ll drive you home,” he tells her and leads her to his truck. 

-

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Y/N tells Jay as she gets out of his truck after a silent drive home. Neither of them had spoken, being too caught up in their own thoughts about what happened at the club now their adrenaline had worn off. 

Y/N heads up to her apartment and gets ready to have a shower to wash away the events of the night. She’s about to turn on the shower when there is a knock at the door. Leaving the bathroom, she walks to the door and opens it seeing Jay. 

“Is everything okay?” she asks him. 

“After what happened at the club… Kissing you… I can’t get it out of my head, and I can’t ignore the way it made me feel,” he begins. “I can’t keep pretending that I don’t feel anything more than friendship for you and that there is nothing between us.” 

“What are you saying?” she questions him, her heart thumping against her chest, a lump caught in her throat and her thoughts spinning in her head. 

“I’m saying that I love you and not just as my friend or work partner,” he tells her. “I love you and I want to be with you. I really hope you feel the same. If you-” 

She cuts him off by pulling him for a kiss. This one wasn’t as urgent as their kiss from earlier in the night. Jay arms move around her waist, pulling her closer before walking her backwards into her apartment and kicks the door close. 

“I feel the same,” she says breaking the kiss. “I love you too.” 

Smiling, he kisses her again until she breaks the kiss again. 

“You don’t really have performance issues, right?” she teases him, knowing full well he didn’t. “Because you know, it could be an issue.” 

“Do I have to go over all my sexcapades again with you?” he teases back. “Because I can tell you-” 

“I’m good,” she chuckles and pulls him in for another kiss. 

[utilitycaster]

You have been watching CR so much longer than me, and I'm curious to know your take on TV Show Canon interfering with or replacing Live Play Canon? On the latest 4sd, Sam mentioned that they're sort of in a schrödinger's Canon, where in one instance the show and campaign have two opposing cannons and they get through it by not directly addressing one or the other. The example he gave was Highbearer Vord, who was an old man in campaign 1 and a woman in the show, whom Matt referred to by name or as 'they' in campaign 3.

Personally, I've never been precious about adaptations changing or ommitting things, and I didn't care about the change from the campaign to the show, but for some reason, the show changing the campaign gives me pause. I also personally love the show! Campaign one was my favorite, especially the chroma conclave arc, and I love the tv show just as much, so I don't know why I would be precious about one over the other? I think maybe I'm worried about changes retroactively impacting the campaign because I already saw and loved the campaign as it was and I don't want it to change, whereas the show is currently being created and so any changes or adaptations just feel like their own thing that I get to see unfold.

The change I mentioned is very small and doesn't really impact much, I'm just wondering what your preference would be for this practice in general! I think that the cast mentioned that some changes will be made to the beginning of the Mighty Nein's story for the upcoming show. In a hypithetical future campaign, if someone mentioned the M9, would you prefer it to be in line with the campaign or the tv show, would you prefer if it was vague like Vord, or is it dependent on what the changes are?

For me it would be dependent on the scale of the change and what it is. Honestly, for Vord I don't even find it in conflict in the present campaign (ie, in 843 PD); while obviously Vord's gender is different between the canon of Campaign 1 vs. the Legend of Vox Machina and those are taking place as two versions of the story in the same time, I just assumed that in 843 PD Vord was figuring some shit out re: gender and pronouns. (I'd also add that Vord's description during Campaign 1 itself varied wildly; Matt's changed character pronouns before in the past and I don't know if it's been deliberate or if he forgot but it's not a big deal).

I think if we're talking about scenes that were not visible in the campaign and were expanded upon in TLOVM (eg: getting to see more of the Briarwoods or the Chroma Conclave plotting without Vox Machina present), treating them as canon within Campaign 3 is fine; honestly those probably were canon in Matt's notes anyway, just unseen. Small things that aren't plot critical - changing a character's gender or appearance, for example - are also fine by me.

The issue arises if we get into actual plot conflicts - for example, the party splitting during the Feywild and Westruun arcs in TLOVM vs. Scanlan and Grog being present in the Feywild in canon. In that case, resolving the two is not possible and I don't care for attempts to make it so. I don't generally care for attempts to justify a cast mistake or canon contradiction and make it all lay flat when the answer sometimes is just "this is improv and they forgot", and this feels similar. Like...if Kamaljiori were to show up in Campaign 3, that would be valid, because he doesn't die in Campaign 1 and does in TLOVM, and when we're watching the streaming campaigns we should defer to campaign canon. I don't think it's fair to Campaign 3 to try to play it with an eye to animated adaptation, so any ripples from that can be addressed if an when they come up. But for stuff like Vord's gender, as long as you get the presence and the vibe right, details can be altered. The same, presumably, will be true for mentions of the Mighty Nein if there is an Exandrian-set Campaign 4.

For what it's worth, that is what I expect when the cast mentions changes to the adaptation as well. Like...look, if I'm wrong about this there will be other discussions to be had, but I think the idea that Molly won't die in the Mighty Nein adaptation is a rather desperate and unrealistic one since that sort of derails the entire rest of the campaign both plot-wise and thematically. Fine for AU fanfic, though I'm personally uninterested, but a poor adaptational choice. But changes like splitting the party between the Feywild and Westruun, or Grog becoming weakened, or Vax communing with the Raven Queen a little earlier and at a smaller temple, or Vex facing Saundor alone, all maintain the core vibes and themes while dealing with time constraints and letting Pike be more present. If someone were to ask Vex point-blank "was Scanlan there when you fought the guy who had that cool bow you're carrying" in Campaign 3 I think the answer should be "yes"; but that's not actually important. What's important is that Vex faced a guy who had been consumed by bitterness and grudges for a weapon that she ultimately carved the word for "forgiveness" into as a personal reminder. An adaptation should retain what's actually important to the story, but changing what hangs on the same fundamental fixed skeleton is fine.

[egotoxica]

Hey so i wanted to talk about how to tell the difference between npd, hpd, and aspd both for self diagnostic purposes and also just to infodump, because these three are very ego based and can be hard to differentiate.

NPD

Npd, in simple terms, is the inability to regulate your own self esteem. PplwNPD don't really have that voice in their head that goes 'you GO girl 💜', unless our ego has been fed into by other people. It's similar to that emotional impermanence that pplwBPD describe where, if their fp isn't actively expressing love/affection towards them, then their fp hates them/doesn't care abt them. In npd, we replace that with admiration. If no one is giving us admiration or praise, it's hard to feel like we're worth anything, because we can't regulate that self esteem on our own.

So basically, npd ego is based on people's opinions and feedback.

HPD

In hpd, ego is based on attention as a general idea. Instead of self esteem coming from people's opinions and feedback, it comes simply from being paid attention to. PpwHPD can regulate their self esteem without the approval of others, but only through the medium of having people's attention. No attention equals no sense of self worth.

ASPD

In aspd, their self esteem does come from within, but has to do more with achievements relating to power, pleasure, or control. It's not about what people think about them, but what people can do for them. Keep in mind, I don't have aspd, so if I'm wrong, please lmk.

So, remember, npd=people's opinions and feedback, hpd=people's attention, and aspd=power, pleasure and control

Also, when we say someone has _pd with _pd traits, that person has symptoms of the latter pd, but the driving force that causes the symptoms does not line up with the actual disorder. For example, you could meet the basic symptomatic criteria for hpd, but if the reason behind your symptoms isn't attention, but instead positive feedback, then you would have npd with hpd traits.