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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years ago

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By Your Doorstep (Part 4)

Summary: The reader and Dean celebrate Tessa’s birthday with a big surprise before making a drastic change to their relationship...

Pairing: Doctor/Neighbor!Dean x reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 4,100ish

Warnings: language, angst, mentioned past sexual assault (not graphic)

A/N: Parts of this series are told from two different POV’s. Dean’s POV are written from limited third person. Reader’s POV are second person (like a typical reader insert). Enjoy!…

_________

Dean’s POV

Two Weeks Later

“Oh fuck yeah!” said Dean, jumping up and down in the driveway as he read over the letter in his hands.

“Dr. Dean that’s a bad word,” said Emily, the five year old three houses down. Dean slapped a hand over his face as she rode past on her bike, her father laughing to himself.

“Hope it’s good news, Dean,” said Chris.

“Very. Sorry about that,” said Dean, Chris waving him off as Dean jogged back inside. He read over the letter again and looked through the packet. “Alright. As long as you keep a B average or above you’re golden kiddo. You get straight A’s anyways so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Dean smiled and gathered up all of the documents, getting them together with Tessa’s birthday present. Y/N had tried to tell him that giving away his old iPhone was too much but all it did was sit in a drawer now when it worked perfectly fine. He was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be thinking about the phone at all once she found out about the grant.

He looked back at the bag on the table and frowned. Maybe she’d take it the wrong way, like he was trying to save her sister or their family or something like that. He could have given them the application and had them fill it out. They would have probably gotten it still. Dean knew his letter he’d included didn’t hurt but he didn’t want to be that guy. He was already a doctor, already helped Y/N with a job, already paid for dates and things. It was no issue for him at all and he knew she didn’t care about the money but he didn’t want to rub it in her face that he could help more than she could.

Dean grabbed his phone and called Cas, Sam stuck in some network client thing all night he’d told him. It rang a few times before it picked up, the echo in the background telling him he was on speaker.

“Deano!” said Benny. “Gonna make it over tonight after all?”

“Hey guys,” said Dean, sitting down on his couch. “You got the crew together?”

“Nah, just us and the girls. They’re still out shopping. What’s up?” asked Cas.

“You know Y/N?” asked Dean.

“The girl you’re clearly in love with? Yes we know her,” laughed Benny. Dean was quiet and heard them shift on the other end.

“Everything okay?” asked Cas.

“I think I fucked it up. I think I’m going too far too fast.”

“What do you mean?” asked Benny.

“Tessa, her little sister, she’s in high school and I applied for a grant on her behalf for her college and she got it,” said Dean.

“That’s a problem how?” asked Cas.

“I don’t want it to come off as me trying to save them or anything. I’m nervous she’s gonna get mad at me,” said Dean. His friends were quiet and knew a teasing comment wouldn’t come. “Guys.”

“Tell her you applied on a long shot and a grant is what helped you with school. You’re not saving the day, just sharing a benefit you got,” said Benny. “Shit I wish I’d had someone do that for me.”

“What’s going on Dean? You’re normally the last person to freak over shit,” said Cas. Dean sat back and stared up at the ceiling.

“Talk to us bud,” said Benny.

“I like this girl and it’s been years and years since I had a girlfriend. You guys know I’m not good for more than a fuck,” said Dean.

“Lisa was a super bitch and you know that’s not true,” said Benny.

“I am in my thirties and I’ve never had a real relationship. I don’t even know how. I’m gonna fuck this up so bad. I know it.”

“Contrary to how often I call you a dick, you are one of the best people I’ve ever met,” said Cas.

“I agree and you know all our friends and especially Sammy would say the same thing. Brother you gotta relax. This girl from what you’ve said and everybody else says, well we ain’t never seen you so happy so stop freaking, go get ready for your date tonight and put some faith in this girl that she’s not gonna hurt you back,” said Benny.

“I didn’t say-”

“Dean, we’ve known you forever. We know when you’re scared. I know most people in your life end up hurting you but take it from us, not everyone will. I got a good vibe from her,” said Cas.

“Me too,” said Dean quietly.

“You doing okay?” asked Benny. “In general you know.”

“Yeah. Most of the time I’m great now. The past few weeks have been awesome. I think maybe that’s why I keep freaking out over this girl. It’s like, fucking finally, I understand what a good relationship can be.”

“You been to Ketch lately?” asked Cas.

“No, not as a patient. I’m okay.”

“Well still go for a tag up every once in a while for us,” said Benny.

“I know. Never would have gone without you assholes getting on my back in the first place.”

“That’s what friends are for,” said Cas, Benny chuckling. “So where you guys going tonight?”

“Monico’s.”

“Fancy,” they both said and Dean rolled his eyes, smiling to himself.

“Goodbye assholes,” said Dean, hearing them laugh before he hung up. He sat up and took a deep breath. “Alright. Shower. Shave and fingers crossed tonight goes well.”

Reader’s POV

“Okay, presents before or after dinner?” you asked as you carried in a bag to Tessa’s room.

“Before, obviously,” she said.

“Alright, well I know you wanted something really badly this year,” you said. “Why don’t you open the green one first?”

“This feels like an iPhone box…” she said with a big smile. She tore off the paper and grinned. “Awesome! What one is it?”

“It’s a ten. It’s used but in really good condition. I got you a case and extra charger too,” you said. “We can swing to the store and activate it tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Y/N, really,” she said. She grabbed the card next and her eyes went wide when she saw the cash inside. “Y/N.”

“It’s your money you gave me. It’s yours. Buy whatever you want, okay?” you said. She nodded and unwrapped a few more small things, a book she’d been talking about, some make up you knew she’d use, a new pair of her nike running shorts that’d been on sale thankfully. You smirked when she picked up the last two presents in the bag. “Alright. I hope these are...suitable for you.”

She tore off the wrapping on one and started to laugh.

“It’s hot pink,” she giggled. “Why is it hot pink?”

“Cause vibrators come in a variety of colors,” you said with a laugh. “I will let you read through the charging instructions on your own and same for the other box. There is toy cleaner because yes you need to wash these things properly and I got some water based lube. Go with water based. It dries up faster but it works better to me. Oh and wash everything like five times before it goes anywhere near anything, okay?”

“Okay,” she laughed. “I can’t believe you actually bought me this stuff.”

“Can’t get pregnant off a toy,” you said.

“Definitely can’t do that,” said Dean, Tessa wide eyed as he popped his head into the doorway. She shoved the boxes back into the bag and he laughed. “I’m a doctor. Sex doesn’t bother me and I think your sister has a point.”

“Oh my God, I forgot he was here,” she said, running her hands over her face.

“I was wondering where you two ran off to,” he said. He stepped inside and pulled out a box from behind his back. “Happy birthday, Tessa.”

“Thanks,” she blushed. She undid the bow and paper, smiling as she opened the box. There was an envelope inside but she picked up the headphones and shook her head. “Dean I can’t accept this. It’s too much. I already know the iPhone must have been yours.”

“You are smarter than you look,” he said. “But I can’t accept your refusal of my present. I have new ones and those never get used and I’m bigger than you so you’re gonna lose this argument one way or the other.”

“I’d listen to him, Tessa. He gets his way when he wants it,” you said. She rolled her eyes but smiled.

“Thank you. People haven’t been nice to us the past couple years,” she said. You glanced down to the floor, Dean leaving his arm wrapped around your waist.

“People weren’t all that nice to me either for a long time,” he said with a nod. “Someday when you’re able, you help somebody else out, understand?”

“Yeah,” she said with a nod.

“Open the envelope. This one’s a present to you both,” he said. You cocked your head as she tore it open, reading for a long time before she pulled out a paper and handed it to you.

“Dean,” you said, sitting down on her bed after you’d read it a few times. “Dean this…”

“It’s a grant. It’s very similar to a scholarship. I’m an alumni of Elmdale and the medical school there. Tessa you qualify and so I applied on your behalf a few weeks ago and you were accepted. The grant will cover half of four years of tuition,” he said.

“What does that mean?” asked Tessa.

“It means we will have to pay very little with financial aid,” you said. She was beaming and you shook your head. “You applied weeks ago?”

“After I met you two. This house seemed familiar to me for some reason until I remembered. Y/N I told you someone helped me when I was eighteen?”

“Yeah?”

“I think his picture is hanging in the hall,” he said.

“Our dad?” asked Tessa.

“He got me a job and helped me pay for part of my school. I came here once when I needed his help. Your father was a very good man and it’s clear his daughters are the same. Neither one of you deserves to go through all the pain I did. I don’t want you to. It was no trouble at all to do, I swear.”

“Tessa, I work at Dean’s office as a lab tech,” you said. She turned her head and you saw Dean nod. “I lost my job before. We were scraping by. Barely. We’re okay now but without this grant...it would have wiped out our inheritance. That was for weddings and down payments for houses. We can keep it now...we can keep the house now.”

“You hate this house though,” she said. “I hate this house.”

“Tessa-”

“We can downsize,” she said. “Y/N, every night you stare down at their bedroom door. It’s like we live with ghosts or something. It doesn’t have to be so tight. Do we really need a five bedroom house?”

“It’s not as tight anymore. We’ll talk about it. Let’s go celebrate all the good news,” you said. “I’ve been dying for a Monico’s steak.”

“She seemed pretty happy tonight,” said Dean as you sat on the front porch a few hours later. You hummed and rocked in your seat beside him, resting your head on his shoulder. “Did I overstep?”

“No. You were the boy in the mailroom, weren’t you. Dad used to talk about you sometimes. Mostly when I didn’t want to do something. He told me some people my age have it so much harder.”

“True. But you can’t compare one person’s struggles to another’s. It’s not fair to either one.”

“Would you sell this house if you were me?” you asked.

“I like that you live close by. I’d miss that. But it’s a lotta house for the two of you and it sounds like a change might be a good thing. You could downsize to somewhere else in the neighborhood and probably bank a good chunk of money for later on.”

“We could.” Dean was quiet, gears turning in his head. “What are you thinking of?”

“My house is a five bedroom too.”

“Yours is also newer,” you said. “And bigger.”

“Tell me if I’m crossing a line but...you guys...could stay there if you decided to sell this place. Temporarily. Or not temporarily,” he said. You stared up at him and he looked away. “Like I said, I’m sorry, I know it’s...I should go.”

“Hey. I’m not afraid of you.” His head turned back towards you and he swallowed thickly. “Tell me another secret and I’ll you one.”

“I think I I’m falling in love with you and I’m afraid I’m going too fast and that you think I’m creepy or weird deep down and I’m up to something when all I really see is me and my brother in you and your sisters places and I know how much it sucks and how much it hurts and I know you protect her from stuff she doesn’t even know about. I’m sorry for saying that about the house just now. I’d still like to see you though if that’s okay.”

“I think this is fast too but I also think that part of me fell for you the day you carried her home. You don’t want anything from us. Just to help and it’s not because you pity us or anything like that. If I’ve learned anything yet in life it’s that you don’t know when it’s gonna stop and there’s no use in wasting time.”

“What are you saying?”

“You willing to put up with a teenager, a service dog and someone who has not had a moment to themselves in two years?”

“As long as you don’t snore,” he smiled. You laughed and kissed his cheek. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t like this house anymore. If she doesn’t want it, I don’t want it. Maybe we can do some test runs, stay over for a weekend or two, see if we want to make it a not temporary thing.”

“That sounds great,” he smiled. “We’ll figure it out, sweetheart.”

Two Months Later

“I’m home,” you said on the way back from the store. You’d been staying at Dean’s for two weeks now after a nice couple closed on your old house. So far it’d been great and you were perfectly happy to stay there with him and Tessa for the foreseeable future. “I picked up some-”

“He is not my dad. I am eighteen,” said Tessa as she stormed over to the foyer. You glanced back to where Dean was over in the kitchen and sighed. “I want to go to Paulie’s tonight.”

“Who is Paulie?” you asked as you kicked off your boots.

“A friend,” she said.

“You’ve literally never mentioned him before,” you said, carrying some groceries through the family room and to the kitchen.

“That’s what I said,” said Dean as he peeled a potato at the island.

“I thought I said you’re not my dad so you can shut the fuck up.”

“Hey!” you shouted, Tessa freezing up. “Apologize to Dean.”

“He-”

“We are stable for the first time ever because of him. I trust Dean to make decisions for you when I’m not home. If he said no, then the answer is no. Go to your room,” you said. She grumbled and pounded her feet upstairs. You washed up and gripped the countertop. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe she said that to you.”

“It’s okay. I’ll be the bad guy,” he said as he picked up another potato. “Paulie what’s his face doesn’t sound like he wants anything other than in her pants so she can swear all she likes at me.”

“What’d she say exactly?”

“She wants to go over to Paulie’s tonight to hang out with some friends but I overheard her and Hailey talking earlier this week about a party and I don’t need a medical degree to put it together.”

“If she sneaks out I’ll kill her,” you said. You glanced down to Toast’s dog bowl and paused. “Dean what would happen if she drank on her medication.”

“She can’t drink alcohol on that stuff,” he said.

“What would happen if she did.”

“She could have a seizure,” he said.

“Tessa!” you shouted. You jogged upstairs and found her bedroom empty. “Tessa!”

The house was quiet and you put your hands on your head.

“Toast!” you shouted, the dog trotting out from Dean’s bedroom. You immediately ran inside, Dean already upstairs and you saw her sitting out on the balcony in a chair, her face in her knees.

“Can I…” said Dean and you nodded. You followed him outside, Dean walking over and squatting by her seat. “Tessa, what are you doing out here?”

“I wish I was normal, didn’t have a fucked up head.”

“I got one too,” he said.

“Do you have to take medicine for seizures? No?” she said.

“No but my dad used to beat me up,” he said. She turned and he nodded. “He would try to beat up my little brother too sometimes but I would take the hits when I could. Tessa, you can’t drink when you’re on your medicine. You just can’t.”

“I know that,” she said.

“You can’t sneak out and leave Toast behind either. It’s not safe.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Y/N and I get scared too is all.”

“You just pretend to like me cause you fuck my sister.”

“For the record, I don’t fuck your sister. Relationships are complicated. You might not realize this but I care about you for you. If I didn’t I would not want you in my house, in our house, and I wouldn’t get scared about you going to parties with guys that just want to use you for sex. I give a shit about you Tessa whether you believe me or not.”

“You don’t care,” she scoffed. “You feel sorry for us. Nobody on earth would ask two strangers to move in unless you-”

“Tessa you can think whatever you want about me. I’m not your father and I’ll never try to be him. But I sure as shit know how to be an older brother. So be pissed off and be rude and whatever else you want to. I’ve done this before with my own brother. You don’t scare me. The only thing that does is you getting taken advantage of or you getting hurt and Toast isn’t there to help. Someday you’ll get it through that thick skull of yours what the truth is but until then, I’ll be the asshole who doesn’t let you go to parties you’ll get hurt at.”

“You pity us.”

“I’m jealous of you.” She stared at him and you swallowed in the doorway. “Your parents loved you. Mine didn’t. You want to talk about being fucked up? I’m here anytime.”

She nodded and he sat up on the bench with her. You went inside and finished preparing the potatoes, mashing them up and saving them for later. It was nearly ten by the time you heard the stairs creak and Dean walked down them.

“Y/N,” said Tessa. You got up from the couch and walked to the bottom of the stairs, Tessa glancing down. “I’m sorry for how I’ve acted today and treated Dean lately. I was…”

“It’s okay,” he said quietly as he rubbed her back.

“I was scared when we moved in here a few weeks ago. I don’t want to lose you too and Dean takes up time that it used to be just us and I know the accident wasn’t my fault but I feel guilty still sometimes and I know your life is different because of it too and I want you guys to be happy, I do. I just get scared you’ll forget about me. I don’t wanna be alone. I’m not ready.”

“You don’t ever have to be alone, Tessa,” you said. She nodded and looked up at Dean.

“I know. I was silly. But I’m better now,” she said.

“It wasn’t your fault,” you said.

“I know,” she said.

“Why don’t you head to bed, Tess. Tomorrow I can come to your session with you like we talked about,” said Dean. She nodded and walked upstairs, Toast trotting into her room. You walked upstairs and into your bedroom with Dean, shutting the door after yourselves. “I should have...change is difficult on kids with PTSD. I should have realized that’s why she’s been so snippy. I thought it was just hormones.”

“Probably both,” you said, climbing onto the bed. He lay down next to you, staring up at the ceiling. “You care for her.”

“You two are a package deal, sweetheart,” he said with a light chuckle. “Can’t love one without loving the other.”

“Like you and Sam,” you smiled. “I can’t wait to meet him in person.”

“Me too.”

“Is Tessa okay? You guys talked a really long time.”

“She was afraid I would replace her, push her out. Granted I do like spending alone time with you and everything but she needs you and I’m not here to take you away from her. I think she understands that now.”

“Dean why haven’t we had sex?” you asked. He sat up and you shrugged. “We’ve dated nearly three months and you don’t even try to cop a feel. For how fast certain things are between us, that one feels a little slow. I just want to understand. I don’t...I’m not saying it’s a problem I just want to know.”

“You asked me on our first date, or you made a comment, that I don’t seem like the shy around women type.”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t use to be. A smidge, especially if they were the one that seemed to be controlling the situation but it was always good. I had some girlfriends, had some hookups. More than my fair share of hookups. The girlfriends…”

“The bitch one?” you said, getting a chuckle out of him.

“I stopped thinking I was relationship material for a while. So I did hookups for a long time and that was good. Until about two years ago. I haven’t had sex since.”

“Did someone hurt you?”

“No. I just...I asked her to stop and she didn’t.”

“Dean she hurt you.”

“It’s not that big a deal.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay?” he said. He put his back to you and you took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I know we sleep in the same bed and…”

“And I don’t need to have sex with you. Would I like it? Sure. But my sister and I aren’t the only ones in this house that need to be taken care of. You’ve done a really good job of that lately and I’d like to start pulling my weight in that department. When you’re ready for sex, you tell me, otherwise, I will just cuddle you real hard until then, okay?”

“Alright,” he said quietly. He reached behind himself and wrapped your arms around him. You kissed the back of his neck, Dean taking slow breaths. “I don’t really know how to let someone take care of me though.”

“We’ll take it slow,” you said. “Like maybe with you being little spoon tonight.”

“Alright. I can try, sweetheart.”

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A/N: Read Part 5 here!

#supernatural #spn #dean x reader #doctor!dean #au!dean x reader #dean winchester #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #spn reader insert #supernatural reader insert #dean #winchester #dean spn

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nastyburger · 4 years ago

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time for dex backstory

before the mutation, dex was what you would call a “weak kid” in terms of health. he often got sick and just in general had a weak immune system. as a result, he spent a lot more time at home, sometimes even going a couple of weeks being home-schooled at a time if his illness got really bad.

this danny really doesn’t have a lot of friends his age. after all, how do you make friends at school when you’re barely even AT school? he’s still close friends with his own sam and tucker, but his tendency to stay home does stunt the natural progression of their friendship a bit. don’t get me wrong, they’re still good friends but compared to the canon trio, they’re just not as close knit. in all honesty, dex finds it kind of a miracle that sam and tucker stuck around so much in the beginning to this point despite barely knowing him.

the trade off for not being close to anyone among his peers though was a really strong relationship with his family. out of all the dannys, dex has the closest relationship to his parents and jazz (who goes by “jasmine” in this universe). even if the worrying and concern for his health can be a bit suffocating, dex finds a lot more comfort with them than anyone else. he feels he’s able to trust them with anything.

from very early on, this danny takes a much bigger interest in jack and maddie’s work. when he’s not learning the core subjects in homeschooling, he reads up on robotics and engineering, he asks many questions about his parent’s work, hes even asked jasmine to teach him whatever advanced ap math subject she takes to help him better understand the mechanical calculations of the inventions. danny spends a lot of time at home so what better to entertain himself than with the family business. he also goes down to the lab often, even to the point of having his own “designated safety area” for him to sit in while the fenton’s work on more dangerous projects (guests sure do raise their eyebrows at seeing dex sit in the blast proof glass box though lol). basically, danny is very comfortable being in the lab and even tinkers/invents his own things from time to time with his parents.

he even helps jack and maddie build the ghost portal. none of the heavy lifting and handling of dangerous materials of course (much to dex’s dismay), but looking over a lot of the blueprints and putting together many smaller components for the full thing. this leads to the button for the portal being closer to the entrance (courtesy of dex’s revisions), rather than being halfway in. its right by the arch of the portal on the inside.

this means, when the portal doesn’t work and dex goes to check it on his own (he was involved in this project and felt the need to make it work), dex doesn’t even fully enter the thing to accidentally turn it on. what instead happens is that he just pokes his head in, hugging around the arch of the portal and hits the button like this:

his arm takes the brunt of the electrocution, becoming so badly burned and damage that it just simply needs to be amputated, and his head takes a partial dip in the ectoplasmic/radioactive substance before pulling himself out.

danny’s scream alerts the rest of the fentons, who were right upstairs as this was occurring. many emergency medical procedures, trips to the hospital, and periods of recovery later, danny makes it out of the incident well and healed. albeit, missing an arm and getting his eyes dyed green (they test and confirm the presence of ecto-contamination in danny’s system but were unaware of the side effects until later) he wore a simple mechanical prosthetic at first created by his parents, but slowly they improve and upgrade the model to what dex currently has. after the accident, dex seems to not get sick nearly as often as before too (jack and maddie are looking into the possible healing properties of ectoplasm).

they also slowly discover that danny.......seems to react weirdly around the inventions in the lab. maddie and jack have upped restrictions and regulations about going in and out of the lab (dex being only allowed in while they were there and he’s in his Box TM, they only agreed to this arrangement because dex begged to participate in projects again) but they notice danny somehow has an influence on the weapons even within the confines of his safety area.

looking into the connection, they discover dex’s psychic link to ectoplasmic substances. the fentons go on a real journey with testing dex’s abilities and how his new powers work (jack goes on about how their son is like a little superhero) and start tweeking/making inventions specifically for danny to control and operate.

eventually, with more ghosts attacking amity and dex’s miraculous recovery in health and desire to join the family business, jack and maddie start to build the mech for danny. its specifically design to match match his link/abilities, based on danny’s own concepts and sketches, and built in safety features/protocols for very dangerous situation (they are still parents who worry after all). this mech becomes dex’s main mode of fighting.

soon, danny becomes a very public figure with his ghost hunting. he doesn’t really have a secret identity to hide like everyone else, so his activities is very open for the town to see. because of this, he doesn’t have the same “loser status” as canon danny (not that he had the title before the mutation either, given he was always sick and no one wants to beat down on a sickly kid). dex is also able to regularly attend school now and finally starts to make friends/get to know others his age.

this also includes further building his friendship with sam and tucker. illness no longer restricts their time and access for them to hang out and dex has an absolute blast with the newfound interaction. he’s certainly a bit over-excited with the new experiences but thats in no way a deterrent to anyone seeking to befriend him.

though, sam and tucker are not as involved with fighting ghosts like canon sam and tuck are. they mostly fight out of sheer proximity with dex, who will toss them the extra gun/weapon when ghosts show up. theyre quite good at it too but ghost hunting is still very much considered “a fenton thing” and left to them whenever possible.

#''mom can i go into the lab?'' // ''sure sweetie but you have to sit in gay baby jail.''#danny phantom #danny fenton #dannyverse au #phantomverse #danny dex fenton #aaaahhh this took very long to write and was very difficult lol sorry if stuff doesnt make sense or if i left anything out #ghost post #ghost draws

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years ago

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Top 10 Favorite Fictional Couples

Happy Valentines Day, people on the internet who probably won't read this! I'm an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. And even though I'm a lonely bastard who will absolutely die alone one day, I am also a sucker for romance. If a story decides to include a cute couple in it, then you better believe I'm going to gush over them for an unhealthy amount of time for a man my age. Even more so if they answer the three most essential questions that I think applies to every romantic couple in fiction:

Why do they like each other? (Looks don't count. It can be an option, but it shouldn't be the only option.)

Would it make sense for them to be together? (Like, if this couple would exist in real life, would you expect them to last.)

Do they have chemistry? (This is the most important one as a couple can dominate just by the chemistry alone.)

So today, I am going to rank my top ten favorite couples in fiction, who just so happen to answer most, if not all, of these questions. Now, I could be cute and make a top fourteen list...but not too long ago, I just listed off the twenty best-animated series of the 2010s, so I think it's best if I stick to the basics. Also, I should make a few things clear:

A. These are couples, not ships. The pairing has to have a canon kiss, or at the very least, a canon confession to be on the list. This means sorry, Lumity fans, but Luz and Amity are not going to be on this list...even though they would absolutely be #1 if they could be!

B. The couple has to at least spend an entire episode being together, which means no last-minute hookups because the writers wanted to drag out the romantic tension. (Sorry, Catradora fans)

With that out of the way, let's get started with--

10. Laura Hollis and Carmilla Kernstien from Carmilla (Web Series)

The chemistry between these two is on point. Laura’s and Carmilla's actors Elise Bauman and Natasha Negovanlis are so convincing when acting like a couple that I am honestly shocked to find out they never actually dated. This is good because everything else about Laura and Carmilla's relationship is...kind of the worst. Don't get me wrong, as a couple, these two are fantastic, adorable, well-written, and well-performed. But the writers seem very fond of keeping them bickering and broken up rather than actually having them together. And that is where the issue lies. If the writers committed to Laura and Carmilla being together instead of doing this whole "will they or won't they" crap, on top of them being selfish idiots in season two, then you better believe they would be in the top three, at least. As they are, they at least act adorable enough to make the top ten.

9. Gregg and Angus from Night in the Woods

Ok, I'm gonna level with you: I just wanted to put an mlm relationship on this list, and this was the best I can come up with (I haven't seen Good Omens, nor have I finished Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts yet to see Benson's relationship with Troy. Leave me alone). As a male bisexual, I'm kind of disappointed. I know that male pairings exist in media, but for the life of me, I don't think they are as celebrated as much, or as frequent, as female pairings have been. This is sad because I would honestly love to see how more couples like Gregg and Angus.

These two act so much like a real couple. Gregg and Angus care and support each other so much, yet they still have big arguments as any couple would. They clearly love each other but still have issues they both need to deal with if they want to grow. Plus, I'm just a sucker for opposites attract. And you can't get more opposite than the loud and bombastic Gregg and his quiet and serious boyfriend Angus. There are probably better mlm pairings than these two (And if there are, then let me know. I'd love to check them out), but Gregg and Angus prove that any relationship, no matter the gender, can be the same as any other. Both the wholesomeness and the faults.

8. Peter Parker and Michelle Jones from the Marvel Cinematic Universe

I put these two a little low because we barely see them spend time as a couple. Peter and Michelle got together at the end of Spider-Man: Far From Home, and we only get a glimpse of how their relationship works in the last few minutes. However, I'm willing to argue that they count because they are guaranteed to be a couple in the sequels, and we'll be allowed to see them grow. How often do you get to say that for other fictional couples who get together at the end of a long story? Plus, Peter and Michelle earn extra bonus points for being the best couple in a Spider-Man movie. Michelle is a league's better character than the MJ in the Sam Rami trilogy, and the chemistry is still adorable but not overtly cutesy like it was in The Amazing Spider-Man movies. So even though Peter and Michelle just got together, they show a lot of promise, if you ask me. Their interactions are adorable, you can tell that Michelle likes Peter for Peter, and they are the most accurate depictions of young love you’ll ever see. Just look at that first kiss. It was one filled with inexperience and awkwardness and I just love it! I’m already interested in what these two have to offer and I can’t wait to see what happens next with them.

7. Andy Dwyer and April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation

The best description you'll ever hear about this couple is that they are what happens when a dog and a cat fall in love. Andy is dopey, happy, and loyal to no end. April is intimidating, cynical, and is already plotting your murder as we speak. What I'm saying is that these two shouldn't work...but they do. Somehow, by every leap of logic, Andy and April complete each other. They are both so far gone from reality, yet at the same time, both keep each other grounded in more ways than one. It's a weird paradox that never ceases to amaze, nor does it cease to be adorable. They do go through bullcrap love triangles and a "will they or won't they scenario" in seasons two and three, but once that crap is over, the writers lean into the potential these two have as a great couple. And trust me when I say that it is all lovely to watch.

6. Rapunzel and Eugene from Tangled: The Series

Huh. I guess romance really does exist after Happily Ever After.

Joking aside, I was surprised by how well these two work as a pairing. Usually, when the Disney Prince and Princess get together in the end, there is nothing more to the relationship. And even if their movie gets a spin-off series, the dynamic is as generic and forgettable as it can be. For Rapunzel and Eugene, it is different. Their chemistry is top-notch, their constant love and support for each other are admirable/adorable, and the complete trust they have for one another is absolute perfection. I was already surprised by how good Tangled: The Series was, but the fact that the main couple is somehow better here than they were in their own movie is something I would have never expected.

5. Rigby and Eileen from Regular Show

And seeing how we're talking about surprises, who saw these two being the best couple in the series? With the number of times that the writers focussed on Mordecai's romantic hang-ups and how often Muscle Man and Starla were considered the only canon couple, I was shocked when it turned out Rigby and Eileen have the best loving relationship in Regular Show. Even crazier, their relationship is built entirely in the background of the first six seasons. Since her introduction, Eileen has been head over heels for Rigby since the beginning (for reasons I'll never understand), and Rigby slowly reciprocated. Until the big reveal in the season six finale, there was nothing but implications as they were trying to hide their relationship and not rub how perfect it is in Mordecai's face (no matter how much Rigby wants to). But once we get to see them as an official couple, it all becomes clear why they work so well. Eileen loves Rigby for Rigby, and will always support him, faults and all. Rigby pays it all back in spades, wanting to be a better person, as well as a better boyfriend, for the one person who always believes there was something good inside. Not even his own best friend had that much faith in him. And on top of all of that, they're just cute. They may not have been the central hook in the series, but they are definitely much appreciated.

4. Chris and Elise from Dan Vs./Millie and Moxxie from Helluva Boss

These four are tied because they pretty much have the same dynamic. Chris and Moxxie are these pathetic losers who somehow managed to marry Elise and Millie: Badass assassins who could effortlessly marry any man they want. And what they want are their pathetic losers. It's extra wholesome for Chris and Elise, as Chris really can't do that much right, especially in comparison to the ever-perfect Elise. Yet, she still cares deeply for Chris and will promptly destroy anyone or anything that causes him harm. That being said, while Millie and Moxxie are both equally deadly, there is an odd hilarity to the fact that these literal demons from hell are so gosh darn wholesome. Seriously, their literal job is to kill people who screw over those who went to hell, and I'm always going "D'aww" when M and M always do something cute. Explain that logic to me!

There's nothing more I can say about these four, as they're adorable couples that prove love comes in the most impossible circumstances and the unlikeliest places.

3. Ruby and Sapphire from Steven Universe

I'll always remember that Ruby and Sapphire are the first couple that proved to me that there is nothing wrong with a same-sex pairing, especially in children's media. Before Steven Universe, I wasn't necessarily told that same-sex couples are wrong, but they're not meant for kids. Then I found out that these two girls, on a kids show of all places, we're madly in love and my first response was: "...Huh." And this was before I knew I was bisexual, so I wasn't even that obsessed about it at the time. But the more I saw Ruby and Sapphire, and the more I learned about how starved the LGBTQ+ was for representation, the more I really appreciated them. Ruby and Sapphire never fail to be precious, and the fact that they barely spend any longer than a few minutes apart is downright heartwarming (and incredibly literal if you've seen the show). They also broke a ton of barriers to proper representation. Not only were Ruby and Sapphire one of the first explicit lesbian couples in children's animation, but they're also the first ones to actually get married. Because of such a power move, many networks and shows make it less of a challenge for writers to include more gay characters in their stories. There is still a lot of hard work that those writers face, but it certainly seems it's less of a challenge than it would be before Steven Universe came out (Ha!). Ruby and Saphire are the first fictional gay couple I have been introduced to and have made an incredible impression ever since.

2. Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum and Marcelene Abadeer from Adventure Time

But while it's Ruby and Sapphire that introduced me to the concept of a same-sex couple, it's Princess Bubblegum and Marceline that made me root for one. In (I want to say) 2017, I started rewatching Adventure Time, knowing that queer relationships were indeed a thing. This means that not only did I finally caught the INCREDIBLY noticeable subtext in "What Was Missing," but I was legitimately chanting, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" when I got to the episode "Varmints." And when they finally did kiss in the series finale, I full-on jumped out of my chair and screamed, "YES!" That never happens. Not even for the straight couples that I've obsessed over before this. Either I coo at how adorable they are, or just smile a warm and gentle smile. But letting out a very audible cheer that my college roommates definitely heard? That shows how deeply I cared for these two. And can you really blame me?

Not only is the chemistry on point with Bubblegum and Marceline, but it's interesting getting to see their relationship evolve through the course of the series. They have a dynamic of a couple who broke up on bad terms (long before "Obsidian" confirmed this), and you slowly get to see them reconnect to that spark they lost long ago. Plus, the more you see them interact, the more of their history is revealed, and thus it becomes clear why they fell for each other in the first place. Bubblegum keeps Marceline responsible, while Marceline helps Bubblegum learn how to loosen up. They balance each other nicely, and after some much needed growing up from the both of them, that spark returns. And they're much more of a loving unit than they were years ago. It's incredible to watch, and I would honestly see an entire spin-off series about them. But, as great as Bubblegum and Marceline are, there is a reason they are not my number one.

(There’s no art for this one because they’re characters from a book and I don’t want to steal someone else’s fanart for the sake of my crappy Tumblr post)

1. Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase from Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus

And that reason is that I can't resist the first-ever pairing that I obsessed over. Percy and Annabeth might just be the example I live by for how couples should be written in media. Dynamic wise, of course. In terms of telling a story, their relationship was handled poorly in Percy Jackson and the Olympians. It was filled with agonizing love-triangles, a very long wait, and they were one of those couples who didn't get together until the end of the series. Which is a major no-no, in my opinion. But, when they finally get to be a couple in Heroes of Olympus, it is downright perfection. Percy and Annabeth are what happens if these two badass warrior heroes fell in love. They worry about each other and are willing to die for each other (if need be) but still have an intense amount of faith and trust for one another. The number of times Percy or Annabeth knew they would be alright because they have each other is incredibly high, no matter what series of books they appear in. They work well together, as well as off each other. Percy is this bumbling idiot who wins his battles through a mix of luck and skill, where Annabeth is this intelligent warrior who has trained since the age of seven. They compliment each other perfectly, and their constant playful bickering is always fun. I love these two, I love their love, and they will always be one of my favorite fictional couples in media.

(That is until Luz and Amity from The Owl House become cannon. In which case, you better believe they'll be number one.)

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And those are my favorite couples. Out of curiosity, what are yours? Or, at least, what are your top five? Don't feel afraid to let me know or even make a list of your own.

Have a happy Valentine's Day, with whoever you want to celebrate it with and however you want to do it.

Now, if you don't excuse me, I have an entire to-do list of s**t I have to do, and I gotta figure out which to work on first.

(Should I review Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles next, or do that scene breakdown for Amphibia? Oh, the possibilities are killing me...)

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luninosity · 4 years ago

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Okay, so, some Falcon and the Winter Soldier thoughts (will have some spoilers) for episodes two and three. General non-spoilery comment first: I feel like these were both *okay* episodes - neither as good as the first, but I didn’t dislike them, either. I’m still really curious to see how we’re going to wrap this all up in three more episodes; it doesn’t feel like we’re halfway done yet!

Okay, more spoiler-y notes below the Read More, not in any real order, just as I think and type. I’ll probably forget some things, but for now, here’re some thoughts...

--I like ep 3 slightly more than ep 2, mostly because of Zemo!

--I actually really love Zemo here (I liked him in Civil War, too): complex, sardonic, enjoying poking at people, a villain we do feel sympathy for even as he’s still sharp enough to remind us that he is a villain. Daniel Bruhl has always done a fantastic job flipping between calculated cruelty, wry humor - the whole “I am a Baron” moment was great - and pain that for him is still raw, about the loss of his family. (Some things’re awfully cliche - look, the supervillain’s playing chess and reading Machiavelli in his cell? really? - but, y’know...sure. Why not. We expect some cliches in the superhero genre, and this is an inoffensive one.)

--also Zemo dancing. That’s it. That’s everything.

--moving on from that: I’m also really liking how they’re writing John Walker. He does have charm, and there’s a certain amount of sympathy - especially as we see him worrying about filling the Captain America shoes, in ep 2 - but we’re also getting this really subtle sense of wrongness about him. He’s clearly vindictive and angry when things (and people) don’t act according to his mental script for them, and he’s willing to use his name and power to do things like get Bucky released...which in context and given our sympathies for Bucky is a good thing, but...it’s also an indicator of his willingness to do what he wants, because he can. (To be fair, Steve Rogers also often did that! - but Steve earned our trust, both in narrative and character. From his first introduction to WWII leadership experience to all the Avengers stuff, Steve consistently acts to protect people, and he’ll also listen if someone else has a good idea or if someone needs to talk, like with Wanda.) So I’m really liking this slow-fuse character development.

--mixed feelings about Sharon. I love that the show’s acknowledging how much she sacrificed for our main heroes, with no reward. On the other hand, she also clearly knew the consequences that could happen; she said as much at the time. The level of bitterness seems like a lot. But I’m also interested in everything we still don’t know about her - if she’s not the Power Broker herself, she’s obviously Up To Something. So that should be fun.

--hey, look at that X-Men location, with Majipoor! Also a nod to Wolverine’s favorite bar there, I think?

--I love heist and disguise plots!

--I also really like Bucky’s having to revert to the Winter Soldier - Sebastian Stan does it so brilliantly, with so many layers of emotion: not wanting to, loathing it, recognizing the necessity, shutting off all emotion and just coldly doing it, hurting but covering it up...just fantastic, and you know I love some hurt/comfort, and this seems like such a great set-up for emotional hurt

--but! this also seems like...a weird plot hole, kind of? Bucky’s pretty famous at this point, right? I imagine the criminal underworld knows he’s been pardoned and deprogrammed, right? or do they assume Zemo, with his knowledge of Hydra, still has some special control over him?

--along the same “this seems like someone didn’t think this through” path, Sam, you’re a professional, turn off your phone on a mission. Oh my god. Face-palmingly stupid - and I think somewhat lazy writing, as the writers plainly needed a giveaway, and went for the first idea they had. Even if it made a main character look incompetent.

--the Flag Smashers and Karli are...fine. They feel very Generic Marvel Villain - not the big space alien type, but the other type, the “I have a personal loss and motivating pain so I’m a little sympathetic but also Clearly Evil, watch me kill civilians so the audience won’t ever find me TOO sympathetic” type. Meh. Fine. Zemo’s more interesting, but...fine.

--Anthony Mackie is such a fantastic actor - every bit of his reaction to the Isaiah Bradley reveal is so good. The anger, pain, frustration, ferocity...heartbreaking. Actually that whole scene is so good - his emotions at discovering this secret history are palpable, and it’s so painful, because we also understand why Bucky would keep the secret - as someone who knows about pain and trauma and being experimented on, and knowing Isaiah wants to be left alone - we feel really deeply for both characters here, and it’s great.

--I actually liked the abrupt swing from the Isaiah Bradley encounter to the casual everyday racism of the cops on the street - is it subtle, no. But it’s not meant to be: it’s meant to be standing up and shouting about how not that much has really changed, and about how pervasive racism is. I know some reviews were all, “this was just too much!” or “too forced!” but...look, it needs to be shouted sometimes for people to hear.

--Bucky’s notebook being Steve’s, oh, ouch, my feelings. If I had the time and energy to write fic...

--(also, if I had the time and energy to write dark!fic: where’re my fics in which Zemo’s implication about the Winter Soldier “doing anything you want” gets played with? what or who does Bucky have to do to keep the undercover charade going? so many Bad Wrong Kinky power dynamics and explorations of consent and what this would do to Bucky’s head, here, and honestly I’d totally read them all, just saying.)

--Sam and Bucky together...I don’t know. This is one of the elements that I’m not actually a huge fan of, but I think it’s partly a personal genre / sense of humor thing that’s not clicking for me, personally, again. Like...

--I don’t find people shouting aggrievedly at each other to be funny? I’m not sure why it is.

--I mean, I get that they’re doing, like, eighties buddy cop movies, but...it got old really fast then, and it’s not something we needed to bring back. It’s not clever, and it’s...well, shouty and annoying.

--(I say this as someone who genuinely likes the first two Lethal Weapon movies...but the significant difference is, I think, we’re also shown in both those movies that Riggs and Murtaugh care about each other. They don’t want to be partners initially, and they don’t get along initially, and they do argue over tactics**...but they immediately feel responsible for each other and act to protect each other even as they argue, because it’s the right thing to do and we’re shown moments of them awkwardly trying to connect, because they both have that deep sense of...protectiveness...that makes them Good People - like, if they learn something that the other person needs to know, they tell each other. They protect each other’s families / love interests. So by the end of the second movie, with that fabulous character death fake-out, Murtaugh’s initial shock and grief is real and powerful and painful, and so is his genuine relief when the worst isn’t true - and it’s all earned.) (**however, they tend to argue tactics *before* jumping in - “is it 1, 2, 3, go on 3? or 3, then go?” And then once that’s established, they go ahead. That makes a difference as far as...well...competence and teamwork!)

--(Sam and Bucky, as far as I can tell, don’t do the above, and just...maybe shouldn’t be working together?)

--I also don’t find grown men acting like my youngest nephew, when he’s having a temper tantrum, to be funny. Staring contests? Random insults? Sulking in silence? Oh, grow up.

--(Also, yes, writers, we see you with the “couples therapy” and “get closer and make your legs touch” and “landing on top of each other as they hit the ground” moments. I, at least, personally, am very tired of...I don’t know that I’d call it queerbaiting exactly, but this idea that we’re supposed to find these moments funny...because why? Because, ooh, they’re two men getting close to each other, physically or emotionally? Why is this a thing we need to draw attention to? Do you think you’re doing some sort of fan service? Please either make Sam/Bucky happen or stop doing this.)

--both Sam and Bucky are highly competent and professional agents, or they should be. They should know how to work in the field - even with people they may not like - and adapt to shifting strategy, make best use of available assets, include people in the plan, etc. I can’t help but compare this to something like, say, Leverage, which also has a team who mocks each other and makes jokes but clearly absolutely respects each other’s capabilities, has a plan going in and tells everyone what the plan is, and adapts (and trusts each other to adapt) on the fly as necessary, and does it all without random insults about someone’s (PTSD-related) staring and “robot brain”.

--one of the very specific moments that bothers me a lot is the ending of the therapy scene (yay for showing heroes in therapy! but also I’m pretty sure she’s...not a great therapist?). Bucky finally opens up and says something real, about his own self-doubt and wondering whether Steve was wrong about him....and Sam just...brushes it off and goes, “we’re done here,” basically. Not only does that feel wildly out of character for former counselor Sam, it feels cruel. I really deeply dislike that moment the more I think about it. Makes me want to scream.

--Sam insults Bucky way more than the other way around. It’s starting to feel very one-sided (it’d be better if more clearly reciprocal, though it’s still not a dynamic that’s my favorite), and again, feels out of character - maybe this is Anthony Mackie’s sense of humor, but Sam isn’t Mackie, and Bucky isn’t Seb, and it reads as...a weird unbalanced power-trip thing to me. And also out of character for Sam, who can be sarcastic (”If you guys eat that sort of thing,” about breakfast, when Steve and Nat have randomly shown up at his door) but that’s not the same as just throwing unprovoked insults at a person who’s trying to recover from trauma, and a lot of those insults seem to center on things that were done to Bucky, that he had no choice in (the staring, the arm, etc), and that feels....it just feels mean, to me. Make fun of things he’s had a choice in / can do something about, if you have to - hair, clothes, liking “old people’s games” like gin rummy or pinochle, not knowing who Beyonce is, I don’t know, there are so many options that aren’t cruel! Do that instead. Let Bucky have a good comeback for once, too!

--the action scenes are action scenes. Also fine.

--Sam might be right about destroying the shield, and the show may even be (unintentionally?) setting that up as the best outcome, but that’s a problem for the future, Sam; get it back first. Also it’s a problem you caused by giving the shield up - did you really trust the government to leave it unused in a museum? You’re not that naive.

--overall, it’s...a perfectly fine show, so far, I think? Solid, and interesting, but not great. I think some of what doesn’t work for me is because it doesn’t work for me personally, as far as the shouty insult-heavy action “comedy” bits that I’m not enjoying, but I think they’re doing what they aimed for with it, so in that sense, I guess it’s working? There’s a lot of really cool stuff around the edges - John Walker, Isaiah Bradley, that Dora Milaje stinger, the bigger world of a history interwoven with racism and superpowers, the chillingly effective use of Bucky’s past - but I wish I liked the central Sam-Bucky relationship more. Individually they’re wonderful - they’ve both had such powerful scenes dealing with family, trauma, and consequences - but I feel like, in the effort to do the buddy comedy dynamic, the writing has just made me really sure that they actually genuinely don’t like each other? To such an extent that if they show any affection / caring / interest in each other in the last three episodes, it won’t be believable. (I mean Sam and Bucky, not Mackie and Seb. Mackie and Seb’re adorable.)

--I just want to think about Zemo dancing some more.

#the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws spoilers #spoilers #fatws spoilers #thoughts

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vanillawaiver · 4 years ago

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i tried to figure out the enneagram types of dream smp characters

have you ever wanted to know the enneagram types, and therefore motivations and fears, of your favorite dream smp characters? that’s a rhetorical question. don’t answer. this post contains a quick explanation of the enneagram and an analysis for every included character. i’m just gonna put it all under the cut.

i’d absolutely love to hear your thoughts!

ENNEAGRAM EXPLANATION

a quick low-down on the enneagram, for those who don’t know:

the enneagram actually refers to a funky circular graph, numbers 1-9 on the outside that depict 9 different personality types. each type is adjacent to two other types around the circle (see image for clarification). the two types on either side are the possible wings for that specific type, a wing being an additional set of personality traits alongside the main personality type. an enneagram type is written as [type]w[wing]. for example, my enneagram type is 4, and i have a type 5 wing, so my enneagram type is 4w5.

(the lines through the inside of the enneagram won’t be mentioned in this post, but you can find more information on them online if you’re curious. i won’t link anything because links can be sketchy)

the nine enneagram types are mostly easily explained by their basic fears and basic desires. the enneagram is intended to explain the “why” behind someone’s actions, which is why it’s so hard to type someone else. you cannot get inside their head to find out their true motivations. however, today i am working with entirely fictional characters and not the content creators themselves, so i give myself a free pass. please don’t go around psychoanalyzing your friends or people you don’t even know and jumping to conclusions without their input lol

also all of these are just what i think ! if you (respectfully) disagree, i would actually love to hear your opinions - you are probably right and i am probably wrong.i don’t watch every stream or even know of every event, and my reasoning is probably weak at best. enough rambling, here we goooo

the grouping will be by type, just because… idk how else to organize this.

again, /rp /rp /rp ! i don’t know these ccs in real life and will not pretend to. i’m talking about minecraft roleplay.

(also, i didn’t proofread this. sorry fnjakdfda)

type 1: the reformer

principled, purposeful, self-controlled, perfectionistic

desire: to be good, to have integrity

tubbo - type 1w2

tubbo is a classic example of a type 1 being put into the worst possible situation for their current mental state. tubbo was the moral and sensical anchor for tommy’s more eccentric and self-centered actions, and they functioned as this duo UNTIL tubbo was made the president of l’manberg. tubbo’s more self-critical tendencies were amplified because his actions had so much weight. tubbo is quick to turn against and polarize those he sees as “evil”, making broad generalizations like “technoblade is wrong” and “tommy is good”, regardless of all the moral gray areas, and even changes his mind drastically between them as he seeks the right answer. (ex: exiles tommy, but then decides it was the wrong idea, and now seems to agree with everything he says again.) i think part of his flip-flopping comes from a sense of people-pleasing and generosity, again amplified by his position as the (now former) president of a nation.

type 2: the helper

generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, possessive

desire: to feel loved/appreciated

quackity - type 2w3

(as far as i know) quackity’s first major action on the smp was to run for president. wilbur and tommy wanted quackity (as part of swag 2020) to share the votes of the two parties in order to ensure a victory over schlatt. however, quackity acted out against them because he felt used instead of appreciated for his ideas. schlatt promised him at least some amount of respect, so quackity switched sides regardless of what was better for the smp at large. i believe quackity kept looking for approval from others, but also some sense of accomplishment, by founding mexican l’manberg (is this even canon…idk but i liked it), starting the butcher army, and trying to bring schlatt back to life. quackity even fought technoblade despite being grossly unqualified and i believe this is due to the martyr mindset that often comes with unhealthy type 2s.

type 3: the achiever

adaptable, excelling, driven, image-conscious

desire: to feel valuable

nihachu - type 3w2

(at the time of writing this, niki hasn’t had a ton of canon screentime, so this is mostly based off of the doomsday stream.) when in emotional distress, niki applies her type 3 ideas of being the best she can be to others, hyperfocusing on “teaching them a lesson” by destroying l’manberg. unhealthy 3s also tend to become jealous of other people’s happiness and success to the point they attempt to destroy it, perhaps explaining how niki’s character felt that no one wanted to listen to what she had to say about the political state of things. i see niki as a character that values her image in relation to others, hence the 2 wing. when fundy showed her respect, she became even more sure of herself, and this seems to be the kind of thing she is after.

schlatt - type 3w4

much like ghostbur (as mentioned later), schlatt is a very exaggerated character. it’s hard to type him, because the enneagram focuses around people who behave in the way real people do, and schlatt is a larger-than-life villain. i’ve typed schlatt as a 3 because of his narcissistic tendencies. schlatt not only wanted to be but believed he was integral to l’manberg’s continued function. unhealthy 3s tend to be devious and manipulative in order to hide their own wrongdoing, like how schlatt exiled the main opponents of his rule. schlatt doesn’t have the emotional introspection of a 4, only the temperamental self-absorption, but i think this is the best i can do lol

type 4: the individualist

expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, temperamental

desire: to be significant, to find identity

tommy - type 4w5

most of my reasoning for tommy’s typing comes from his time in exile. tommy displayed an impressive connection to his emotions, maybe just out of necessity because he was alone. his constant cry was that no one cares about him, but not in the way a 2 may fear the same thing. tommy feared he had faded from significance. when he felt this way, he was quick to make rash conclusions and decisions. he is self-centered, caring more about his discs than about anything on the server. the 5 wing is there because of tommy’s constant assertion that people pity him when they show basic human kindness. he dreads others viewing him as incapable.

type 5: the investigator

perceptive, innovative, secretive, isolated

desire: to be capable and competent

awesamdude: type 5w6

is sam incredibly important to the plot? not as i write this. but i don’t want to leave type 5 empty. sam does cool redstone and built a cool prison. he’s super swag. i’m too lazy to attempt to do an analysis. this is just what i believe to be the objective truth on his character. give sam your primes.

type 6: the loyalist

engaging, responsible, anxious, suspicious

desire: to have security and support

wilbur (alivebur) - type 6w5

(pls disagree with me on this. this was so hard and i didn’t start watching dream smp until after the original “it wasn’t meant to be” moment sjkdfadkl) it’s right in the l’manberg national anthem. a place men could go to emancipate the brutality of their rulers. wilbur created l’manberg for what i interpret as security reasons. a peaceful land without americans. as an american, i understand completely. wilbur demonstrates the tendency of 6’s to shun outsiders and to turn to hysterical violence in times of distress. wilbur’s final action before his death was to blow up his safe place, because he believed the security had been tainted. i have typed wilbur with a 5 wing almost exclusively because of the intentionally radical beliefs that unhealthy 5s exhibit, becoming obsessed with blowing up the place he once called home.

type 7: the enthusiast

spontaneous, versatile, distractible, scattered

desire: to be satisfied and content, to avoid pain

fundy - type 7w6

fundy grew up in constant distress, what with his dad kinda losing it and the constant political turmoil. fundy has acknowledged that there is nothing that comes from conflict except for personal gain. fundy is selfish (taking netherite meant for everyone, hardly taking other people’s feelings into account) by nature of the society he was born into. like most distressed 7s, he has mood swings and comes off as demanding. i gave fundy a 6 wing because of what i see as the origin of his issues: a lack of support and stability. because of this, fundy often seeks external solutions (material possessions) instead of internal ones (fucking THERAPY OH MY GOD).

badboyhalo - type 7w6

“l’manberg? pogtopia? who cares?” :D

type 8: the challenger

self-confident, decisive, willful, confrontational

desire: to protect themselves, to be in control of their own life

dream - type 8w7

(warning, a lot of this typing is based on my own theories about the smp, because dream doesn’t stream rp to give us his own perspective.) dream claims that his motivation, at least presently, is to cause as much chaos as possible, but this has to come from a more philosophical place. dream is the one who started the server, and, i believe, canonically created the world they all populate. dream’s rule was originally questioned by the creation of l’manberg, which he interpreted as a personal attack. as a type 8 would, he is attempting to destroy all that does not conform to the vision he has for a peaceful, unified server. this may make it seem like dream should have 9 wing, but i don’t believe stability factors into his reasoning. dream seeks fun, for himself and others, and also finds this by causing chaos, as mentioned before.

technoblade - type 8w7

now, just because techno and dream have the same enneagram typing here does not mean they are at all similar. techno also lashes out at things that do not conform to his vision (anarchy) but has a stronger connection to his 7 wing. he wants to protect himself because of the comfort and happiness that would provide, not exclusively to be in control. he cares more about the pain and suffering caused by the government. still, i don’t think techno’s primary motivation is to be happy, as he still causes harm and puts himself in danger in order to achieve his goals. when a type 7 would become depressed and isolated, techno decides to spawn six withers. to each their own.

type 9: the peacemaker

receptive, reassuring, agreeable, complacent

desire: to have inner stability, to avoid loss

ghostbur - type 9w1

more than anyone on the server, ghostbur is a two-dimensional character. (absolutely not meant in a negative way. i adore ghostbur as both comic relief and a consistent character. ghostbur simply doesn’t behave like a normal person, and that is the point.) this makes it difficult to type him, but i tried my best. ultimately, ghostbur cares about others, but not in the way a 2 does. blatant negativity from people he interacts with doesn’t affect him in the slightest. he hands out blue because he is good, hence the 1 wing, and not to be loved. the only time (i can remember) that ghostbur has expressed anger was when friend the sheep was killed in techno and dream’s terrorism upon l’manberg. loss is the only thing he seems to be afraid of, and he applies this to all people within the smp.

philza - type 9w8

to put it nicely, philza is a mediator. to put it not-so nicely, he doesn’t give a fuck. philza has actually achieved much of the goals a 9 has, making him an anomaly on the smp. (most every one of these characters expresses extremely unhealthy characteristics of their type.) philza is accepting of others, and does more listening than speaking. however, philza still feels the effects of loss from murdering his own son in cold blood (just minecraft things <3) and presumably fears losing something else important to him, thus forming few attachments (ex: didn’t care his house in l’manberg got blown up, didn’t react much to tommy’s betrayal.) i typed him as a wing 8 because of his healthy self-confidence and confrontationalism.

please keep in mind that this is all referring to the dream smp characters these streamers portray. i don’t claim to know anything about their deeper philosophical reasoning for whatever they do irl. not really on that parasocial type beat, ya feel me? i would love to hear your thoughts.

thanks for reading!

#dsmpblr #dsmp tumblr #dsmp #dreamsmp #dream smp #this took me ages #but it was so fun #the enneagram is the only one of my special interests that isn't a piece of fictional media #pls don't yell at me if i was wrong at all but do share your thoughts if you wish

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afraschatz · 5 years ago

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Leverage - Nate Ford, not a nice man

Let me talk about Leverage some more because, well, it’s Leverage. And let’s talk about Nate.

Mastermind Nate Ford.

When you first watch the show, Nate is the character that you possibly just kind of tolerate while you instantly fall in love with Hardison (or Eliot / Parker / Sophie). Nate is probably not the one you’d name as your favourite.

And let’s get this straight: John Rogers repeats over that Nate Ford is not a nice man. And boy, he isn’t kidding. Nate Ford is, in fact, a massive dick.

One of my favourite, and soooo not-talked-about-enough things about Leverage is the reason why the team comes together: Dubenic kinda underestimates just how vengeful and smart Nate is, yes, but he is spot on when he - very deliberately - picks Nate Ford, a supposed white hat, to CONTROL a group of the world’s greatest criminals.

I think we tend to underestimate just what that means at that moment. That’s because we all know very early on - thanks in huge parts to the tongue-in-cheek nature of the flashbacks - what good people Parker, Hardison, and Eliot actually can be. And because of that we underestimate who they are at that moment, to the world: Eliot is Moreau’s favourite and most efficient killer (“Please, don’t ask me, Parker”), Hardison is the a brilliant hacker in the age of the geek whose fingertips could unleash the collapse of civilization, and Parker is a loner thief who actually blew up her parents’ house as a kid, with them potentially inside. These are SERIOUSLY dangerous people.

Yes, Dubenic kindles Nate’s need for revenge and strokes his ego by telling him that he needs an honest man. But the real reason why he picks Nate to wrangle those three is that he rightfully assumes that Nate is both smarter AND more ruthless than the world’s best criminals combined.

Nate Ford is not a nice man.

Nate is the one who figures out that Dubenic withheld the money in The Nigerian Job, so he can get them all in one place to kill them. And his reaction is to LAUGH OUT LOUD and wait with a fucking smirk on his face until the slower kids in the class figure it out, too.

Nate is the one who, throughout the show, easily plays the sleaziest of lawyers, the hardest of CEOs and five-star-generals. Sure, because the cons often call for such a character (someone the mark can focus all their hatred on, distracting him from what is really going on), and someone has to do it. But it’s usually Nate playing them because he really doesn’t mind being the asshole that everyone hates and wants to get rid off.

Nate is the one who goes after the world’s most influential and ruthless villains with just his brain as a weapon, and he is not afraid, not for a single second. Nate takes on Moreau, the man even Eliot is fucking afraid of. It’s very likely that he kills Chesney - a man who was perfectly okay with letting a boy die, so he could get the donor heart - with just his voice and over the fucking phone. And he absolutely manipulates Dubenic and Latimer into killing each other (the look when he walks away and the two of them fall in The Last Dam Job? SO underrated).

Nate is the one who has Jimmy Ford for a dad, a character even less likable than Nate himself - apparently near to no empathy, very egotistical / self-centered, hella manipulative, very set in his ways. And it’s Jimmy who actually kind of fears Nate, not the other way around; he fears both his incredible cleverness as well as his ruthlessness, even if he does a good job of hiding it behind contempt.

Nate is the one who runs a con on his own team in season two and who deliberately keeps secrets from them in season three AND four. Hell, he runs a con on US throughout the entire first half of the series’ finale by making us believe everyone died.

Nate is also the one who, week in and week out, has to run dozens of scenarios in his head, including several in which members of his team die. “Hardison dies in plan M” is played off as a joke in The Nigerian Job, yes, but The Long Goodbye Job lets us experience first hand what that ACTUALLY means. I am still fucked up from that, even after seven years, and even though the OT3’s death is fiction within fiction. Nate lives with that scenario week in and week out.

Nate Ford really is not ‘hard on the outside, soft on the inside’. He is granite on the inside.

And yet?

Maggie, “the most honest person we know”, loved him and - even more importantly - still loves him. Eliot, who time and time again proves that he has the best people skills of them all (fight me on this), trusts his judgment right from the start. (Seriously, watch The Nigerian Job solely for the interactions between Nate and Eliot, oh God, it’s soooo good. - Parker and Hardison are great as well, sure, but nearly all of the serious conversations have Nate and Eliot at the center - and for a reason!).

Sophie loves him. Hardison loves him. Parker loves him.

Why is that? Is it because Maggie doesn’t see the ‘real’ Nate behind the insurance man? Is it because Nate plays to Eliot’s own need for revenge (and eventually: redemption)? Is it because Sophie is forever blinded by her crush on him, Hardison too naive, Parker too broken to know better?

We know it’s not that.

Maggie is fucking smart, and we get ample proof for that in The Second David Job alone, where we also see how well she understands Nate. Eliot is the team’s shield from the moment in The Nigerian Job where he hauled Hardison out of the warehouse. He can kill people with an horsd’oevre; he knows how to run risk assessment. Sophie proves time and time again over the course of the five seasons how well she knows Nate, Hardison’s heart is never wrong, and Parker? She understands Nate as well as she understands herself (which is, I realize, an ambiguous statement, but one to explore in another post :)).

They trust Nate because Nate IS granite on the inside. Because his moral code is unwavering.

They trust Nate because Nate is smart enough to surround himself with people to call him on his bullshit. They compensate with their compassion what he seems to lack. They could very well get by on their own but chose that they are better together. They know that he might run the occasional con on them but he would never try and twist them into something they aren’t or don’t want to be.

And they love Nate because Nate’s capability to love is unconditional and boundless. All it takes to prove that to us is that gut-wrenching six second long scream when Sam dies. Watch that scene again, I dare you, and then try to contradict me. And if you then haven’t tortured yourself enough yet, watch the bookend scene to that in The Long Goodbye Job when he pretends to grieve for his dead team. That grief is so real because Tim Hutton is a brilliant, brilliant actor, and it’s so real because that is what Nate feels, every time he thinks of fucking plan M.

I love him so much. I love Leverage so much.

#leverage #nate ford #eliot spencer #alec hardison #sophie deveraux #parker #things i love about #the mastermind #the long goodbye job #the nigerian job #the last dam job #tim hutton

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peachyteabuck · 5 years ago

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pull you out of here

summary: asgard needs a queen, thor wishes to defy his father, and you seem to be the solution to both

pairing: dark!thor odinson x reader

words: 4,971

trigger warnings: dark possessive thor, stalking, emotional manipulation, heavy dubcon, smut, slight breeding kink, heavy angst, cheating, unhealthy relationships

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

To say that Thor was mad would be an understatement. To say Frigga cared would be a complete lie.

“He’s trying to get me to marry, Mother,” he nearly screams. Nonetheless, the woman remains calm. “To cede some of my power to some woman!”

Frigga watches her son stomp around her chambers with a watchful eye, never moving from her seat across the room. She’s watched her son – her lovely, wonderful son – perform this long-winded act many times before; when Loki came into their lives, whenever Frigga had to force them to share. Thor, in classic eldest-sibling fashion, thoroughly disliked anyone impeding on what he thought to be his.

His toys, his room, his room, his power. All of it, everything he wished for, was his.

This included his throne, apparently, as is made obvious by his red-faced rambling.

“What, is he going to pluck some maiden from the streets of Asgard? Make her some puppet for during in my rule?” he’s stomping now, nearly spitting.

He stays like that – acting the same way he did when Loki stole a single potato from his plate when he was old enough to walk and talk and feel but young enough to not have a single muscle on his lanky body.

Just like usual, he eventually tires himself out, using his last bit of energy to bark in the general direction of a servant to get him some ale. He sits in the chair across from his mother, elbow resting on his knees.

Thor’s voice is quieter now, much more pensive. “Mother, what am I going to do?”

Frigga waits for the servant to bring the large drink and for Thor to gulp half of it down before responding. “What you father wants is for you to have a bride – it’s important to the people you rule over. What your father wants –“

“Is for me to give my power to some woman,” Thor scoffs into his drink. “I’m aware.”

Frigga rolls her eyes. “No, darling. What your father wants is to make sure the woman is to his tastes.”

Her son scoffs. “What does that mean?”

“It means, if you picked a woman from say,” the woman shrugs. “Midgard, then he wouldn’t be able to say no to her for fear of backlash from the Asgardians,” Thor smiles as she continues talking, now understanding. “They love their humans, you know.”

They laugh together, happy as their devised their plan: Thor would leave the next day for Midgard, spend some time there, woo some woman he knows will not impede too much into his duties as king.

So, when Thor saw you in that faded orange cardigan, the leggings that showed off your thick thighs, and a well-loved t-shirt that looked incredibly soft with your hair piled on top of your head and fuzzy socks on your feet and you yawning so adorably as you waited for your coffee to be finished, he knew he had to have you. Sure, maybe he was being shallow when he thought about being buried between your thick thighs or laying on your large breasts, and maybe he should’ve learned more about your personality before calling you his “dream girl.” But still, he knew you were the one and he needed to get you to fall in love with him ASAP.

There were a few problems with this mission:

First: he didn’t know your name, your job in the tower, or how to find you. He knew you as “the adorable one who likes coffee,” which doesn’t narrow it down, especially because they were in New York and more specifically Stark Tower, where everyone within city limits was running on two gallons of coffee, anxiety, and institutional access to research databases.

Second: after pestering every Avenger he could find, Thor found out that you had a boyfriend. A long-term one, too. About five years is what Steve begrudgingly told Thor after the God broke into his personal gym during his morning run on the treadmill (that day it was hailing, and Captain America will put up with a lot – but he refuses to get hit in the face with golf-ball sizes sphere of ice). A few minutes later, Barton (who admitted very quickly to listening through the vents) told Thor that rumor had it he was going to propose pretty soon – had picked the ring and restaurant out but hadn’t booked the reservation.

Third: very soon after learning that you were taken, Thor also learned that he would likely be spending a lot of time with you since where you worked and his favorite place ended up being the exact same. Tony’s personal lab (where he often worked with Bruce), was pretty much where you lived. Your official job description was akin to “personal librarian,” which meant keeping the lab orderly so Tony could on inventing things (or whatever else it is he does). Once, about a day before Pepper decided to hire someone, Tony spent four hours sorting screws.

Four. Entire. Hours.

You, with your degree in IT and concentration in database creation and management, were perfect for the job. He was even allowing you to use his lab for research – making you a pioneer in a field you didn’t realize existed until LexisNexis contacted you asking to moonlight as a consultant during their company-wide restructuring.

Some (mostly those who interviewed for the job and didn’t get it) called you a glorified assistant, a nanny whose only job was to clean up toys. Still, Tony spoke highly of you during parties and interviews and whenever anyone complimented his lab.

Given your dedication to your work, a few months in Tony offered you an apartment a few floors down. It was newly renovated, and since most Stark employees lived in Stark Industries-subsidized housing not located within HQ, you lived mostly secluded from everyone else.

To you, it was amazing. You never had to see anyone you didn’t intend to and you never had to brave the famously-bad New York winter weather just to go to bed. In all honesty, it was your dream life.

Thor, though, had to disagree. It made it impossible to “bump into you,” he never saw you when you weren’t working (you made it very clear you preferred to either a) work in silence or b) listen to music or an audiobook you picked). Even if he managed to catch a glimpse of you on your lunch break, you always seemed to be more interested in something else – a book, a conversation, whatever. Never, ever, did he seem to be able to catch you off guard.

About a week in, he realized this would be much harder than he originally thought.

Over the course of six months, Thor learned a few things:

First: you really like to read. He ends up asking Natasha (arguably the person you’re closest with) about every book you like in an attempt to have something to talk about.

Second (before he wanted to talk to you about the Poisonwood Bible but after he finally got Natasha to crack): You really don’t like your boyfriend, and your boyfriend doesn’t really seem to like you. When he asks why you two are still dating, Natasha just shrugs sadly.

“That’s a story for her to tell, not me, Odinson,” she said.

Third (the next morning, he sniffed around the kitchen to find anyone who would tell him anything about you): You were incredibly insecure about your body. He learned that from Steve. He learned from Sam that this was why you stayed with your emotionally distant romantic partner; because you thought you couldn’t find anyone better.

This, of course, was a lot of information to handle at once. So Thor did what a bunch of bubbly college students on YouTube called “mind-maps” so he could sort out his thoughts. What started as a fresh, clean, white sheet of graph paper ended up being a masterplan to win you over.

Step 1: Have a solid conversation with you

This happens much faster than expected. The next morning, to be exact. It’s sort of warming up, so you’re wearing a thin pullover and a pair of tight, light grey jeans. The pullover has some Midgardian logo on it, one Thor doesn’t recognize. When you turn around as you wait for the coffee machine, he asks you about it.

“What’s on your…” he gestures to said logo.

You smile bashfully, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. “It’s, uh, it’s just some concept art for a book I like. ”

Thor beams. He knows he’s got you. “What book?”

You shrug, grabbing the pot and pouring the steaming liquid into your peach pink travel mug. “It’s called Nothing, it’s by Janne Teller…

From there, you and him talk about what’s possibly the darkest book of all time. You explain to him the plot, the emotion it evokes from you. It truly is your favorite piece of literature; you really could talk about it for hours.

So, you do. Over your morning coffee, then a larger-than-usual breakfast, and then lunch. You make grilled cheese and tomato soup, biting every few sentences.

“God, my favorite line, like of the entire book is like,” you take a bite, chewing as you speak. “So Pierre is talking to these kids, and this one kid is Muslim, and gave up the prayer mat, or rather was made to give up his prayer mat. And Pierre is like ‘what price was your faith?’ And that line has like, continued to haunt me. It’s just,” you swallow. “What price do we pay to prove ourselves to others, you know?”

Thor listens intently as you speak, nodding and smiling as you go on. It’s amazing how much someone lights up when they talk about something they’re passionate about. It’s probably mid-afternoon when you finally realize that you’ve been talking for literal hours.

“Oh my god,” you gush, collecting the dishes and placing them in the sink. “I’m so sorry, I’ve been-”

Thor grabs your wrist, bunching at the sleeve. “No, please do not apologize. I have been meaning to talk to you for a long time.”

You blush, not meeting his eyes. “Why would someone like you want to talk to someone like me…”

That’s sort of when Thor’s suave facade cracks a little. You’re everything he’s ever wanted in a partner. Literally ever. And your inability to see that troubles him deeply.

“My dear, you’re so smart and quick and eloquent,” he tells you, never break eye contact. “Don’t even think I don’t want to be around you.”

You blush, not responding while scuttering off and mumbling something about having to go to a meeting for Stark.

Step 2: Get you to spend what Natasha and Wanda call “quality time” with him.

This one happens a little while later. Tony, in an effort to reward you, gave you some time off. The problem is that you hate taking off work, you always have. It’s impossible for you to feel good when you’re not being productive, and the idea of laying around for three days is unimaginable to you.

“Listen, you need some sun, you’ve been cooped up in here for weeks,” Tony tried to plead with you as he hanged upside down from the ceiling.

“C’mon, I’m not a house plant! What am I going to do anyway?” you cry out from your spot on the floor.

Just then, Natasha happened to walk through the door with a paperwork mishap. If there was a lightbulb above her head, it would’ve burned bright enough to blind them. Without doing anything that even resembles what she originally walked into the lab to do, Natasha bolts out at the speed of lightning.

“THOR!” she screams when she enters his apartment. “THOR, I HAVE SOME VERY GOOD NEWS!”

Promptly, he comes out in just a towel, glowing like some candle in a dark room. “Yes, Natasha?”

She takes a minute to wolf whistle before she beings. “The darling girl you’ve had your eye on has a few days off coming up...you should take her somewhere! Do something!”

Thor’s silent. He sort of didn’t think this would ever happen...now that he has the opportunity he’s a little floored. It’s like when you’ve been doodling hearts with your crush’s name in them and then they actually talk to you. “Oh...oh Gods...what do I do? How should I ask her…”

Natasha’s a little giddy with excitement at the prospect of Thor taking you out. You’ve been so good to them in so many different ways...she wants someone to do something nice to you for once. If that meant setting you up with the super-hot God of Thunder (and Fertility...wink wink), then so be it.

“Oh goodness, you can do anything!” she mentally runs through all of the endless possibilities. “She’ll want something quiet, quaint...coffee shop? No, that’s too boring. Some fair thing? No, that’s too crazy, loud. Maybe you could...oh my God that’s perfect!”

Thor, still in a towel but now dry, looks confused. Appreciative, but confused. “What, Natasha...what is it?”

Her grin stretches from ear to ear, teeth flashing and eyes bright. “You should help her organize the bookshelf in her room, she’s been talking about it for ages and she’s always talks about she’s never had the time or the energy and-”

“You think the best way for me to get to know the future mother of my children is to help her organize her...shelf of books?” Thor is now dressed. Natasha doesn’t question it.

“Uh...hells yeah! Listen, dude. If you really want to get to know her you need to get her in a situation, she’s comfortable with,” Natasha sees she has a text indicating she’s needed for some logistical work for the next mission and turns to leave. Right before the elevator, though, she turns to face Thor again. “But don’t mention the ‘mother of children thing’...it’s weird.”

Thor takes note as he prepares to ask you about the...date? Is it a date? That he’s planning on taking you on. Luckily, he doesn’t have to try too hard, because Wanda and Steve less than five minutes later to help him.

“Oh Thor-egous Odinson!” Wanda sing-songs as she enters into his living room. She practically bouncing off of the walls as she goes to sit down next to Thor on the large, plush couch.

“Hey Thor,” Steve mumbles quietly. He chooses a chair across from both of them, obviously extremely uncomfortable with the situation. He’s one of the few people who knows you really well, though, so the need for qualified individuals overpowers his personal feelings about manipulating you into going on a date with the God (Natasha refused to use that word when Steve brought it up, though. “I’m just encouraging her, Steven, calm down,” she tried to explain to him on the elevator up. “Don’t call me that,” is all Steve replied).

“So,” Wanda chirps. “Nat told us you wanted to help our favorite little book worm organize her bookshelves on her sequence of days off?”

Thor gives a small noise of affirmation, knowing very well that Wanda and Natasha understand you the best. If he had any choice of making his plan work, they would have to be a part of it – whether they knew it or not.

They spent hours talking about you – both of them providing deep analysis of your likes, dislikes, preferences. The things you love, hate.

It ended with lists sprawled on scraps of paper, things they told Thor he had to memorize if had “a sliver of hope” of having you like him.

With pockets stuffed full of these promises, he walked away with a small smirk and much better idea of how execute his plan, as has all led him into the next step:

Step 3: Make you like him much more than your current paramour.

This part appears to be the easiest, given your boyfriend is an aggressively mediocre man-child. You’ve got a picture of you and him on one of the bookshelf cubicles not overcome by thick books, next to a few small figurines of miscellaneous origin.

Thor asks about them as you both work to clear the bookshelf, throwing everything on the floor to be sorted later. Each one makes smile brightly for a few moments before sadness overtakes your eyes. One of them – a small fawn curled into a sleeping position on a small, circular bed of grass – seems to bring a special wave of melancholy to your face.

“Yeah, that was from when we met, a, uh, a study abroad program to a Canadian university. He and I had a mutual friend who made miniatures for fun – still does, actually – and we met through her. He bought me that for our first anniversary.”

Thor does his best to hide his wicked smile, but nevertheless is appreciative of your downcast eyes. “It sounds like he really loves you.”

You don’t disagree, just sigh. “So, can you help me sort these books by color type?”

Thor smiles wide as he can. “Of course.”

As he separates the books into four piles (warms, cools, white, and black), he goes over the state of his plan:

Step 4: Have you break up with your current paramour.

This step seems to be a significantly harder step, given your stubbornness surrounding being with him. It’s not as if Thor can grab you by the shoulders and say “he doesn’t love you! He’ll never love you! Just stop being in a relationship with him!”

He totally can’t do that, right? Right?

(After a few communiques with his mother they both decide, no, he can in fact not do that.)

So he settles for driving a wedge between the two of you that even he can fit in. Somehow, that seems just as good.

Step 5: Have you join him in Asgard.

This, too, feels much harder than sowing dislike between you and your…previous courtesan.

You’re smart, interesting, something Thor has yet to see in many possible wives. The problem is, your intelligence and fascinating nature are tied to your highly demanding job that you are, unfortunately, very attached to. Attempting to keep you for anything longer than your contractually obligated lunch break is tough enough, how could he convince you leave your job? Your home?

The floor-to-ceiling bookshelves – now organized by color – stare down at Thor almost mockingly. He wonders, as he hears the teapot screeching and two mugs being placed onto the counter, if his plan worked. You’re naïve, sure, but too naïve for him to mold? He’s been manipulating people since he was a golden child – him misreading you would be a blow to his ego, his very being.

But he cannot give up. Not when he’s only two steps into his plan.

As such, Thor spends the next few weeks following you around – doing everything he possible could to make your life easier. A mug too high? He would grab it before you could sigh about what shelf it was on. Dirty dishes? He’d fill the dishwasher, do the handwashing, and put all the clean dishes away after drying them. He did laundry and put it all away in its exact place.

Natasha made a comment Thor didn’t understand about 1960’s housewives, to which the god said nothing in return. He’d join you multiple times a week to do whatever you wanted – sometimes you’d watch a movie together, other times he’d help you shop online. Sometimes he’d help you cook food for the week, once he listened to you talk about new academic research you were interested in.

One special week he even held you as you cried about the man who was supposed to be the love of your life. That week, he wiped your tears and held you as you feel asleep, nuzzling into one of the many large hoodies he had acquired on his time on Midgard. That week, he thought he had cracked it – thought he had finally figured out how to get what wants.

Unfortunately for him, the truth was not kind to his endeavors. Not even a full day had passed before you were gushing over the man once more, sparkles in your eyes and hands clutching the latest “cute” thing he had texted you.

It was sickening, really, how easily you allowed yourself to be manipulated by him. Still, it gave Thor an ounce of hope. It this imbecile could get you crawling back to him, surely a god could do it too.

So he kept with the constant visits, with the bringing you lunch and coffee and eating take out on the floor of your bedroom and watching bad movies with you. It was menial, but it was working.

You began to trust him, began to get used to his presence.

For this reason (and maybe a few more you didn’t want to talk about), the knock on your door at dusk on a Wednesday was not exactly unexpected. For this reason, you answered the door in a loose crop top and soft, worn pajama shorts and ankle socks with smiling avocados on them.

You opened the door to him, excited to show him the duvet he had helped you pick out. It looked so much better in person, and you thought he’d like it.

He followed you, of course he did, into your bedroom. You were expecting that.

What you weren’t expecting was him to slam you into one of the few spots on the wall devoid of posters, trinkets, other miscellaneous crap that made the place feel a little more like a home.

You couldn’t see much over his broad shoulders, but somehow the top shelf of the very bookcase he had help you organize all that time ago.

Each title seemed to mock you as he began to speak.

“You’ve been holding out on me, little lamb,” he said with a sneer.

You tried to push at his muscular chest to no avail. “Thor, I don’t know what you’re t-“

He pushes you against the wall once more, ignoring your cries in pain. “Shut the fuck up, you know exactly what I mean.”

He rips the crop top off – revealing your simple black bralette. He moans as his large hands palm at your breasts, and you have to fight one yourself, too. It’s been so long since you’d had sex, let alone gone to first base; your lover (the one you had been with for over five years) hadn’t touched you like that since you’d decided to move into Stark Tower and your less-than-extensive sex toy collection had satisfied you in the very least.

Still, this was wrong. Very, very wrong.

“C’mon,” he growls, moving his hands south. “You know you want to…”

“I-” You try to push him away, only being able to think of how you were going to explain this to a man you thought one day you’d marry. You have to tell him, right? You have to tell him about what Thor tried. That’s the basis of good relationships, communication. “No, I don’t, Thor please-“

That’s when the last bit of him cracks, the soft edges to his voice sharpening and his jaw squaring.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he growls, ripping the shorts off next. “Do you understand all the shit I’ve put up with for you? All while your shithead boyfriend barely sent you a fucking text once a week to see if you were alright.”

“Thor, I-“

“No,” he shouts, making you flinch away from him. “Don’t excuse him! Don’t try and tell me he loves you like I do!”

That makes your eyes widen in fear, makes your hands shake where they’re pined at your side.

Thor softens everywhere except in his grip, keeping you pressed against him. “Oh, darling you don’t have to worry. I’m never gonna hurt you…”

A smile spreads across his face, then, leaning close to your ear. “Unless you want me to.”

He palms your clothed pussy, slipping two fingers inside of your dripping heat. It’s a delicious feeling and you fight back a moan, terrified to give him the satisfaction.

“C’mon darling,” Thor coos. “Let me hear you.”

He removes his fingers, then, smiling when you whine before stuffing his thick cock inside of you. It fits easily, given how wet you are, and for a moment – just a moment – you lose yourself to the pleasure.

“O-Oh,” you moan. “Oh, that feels so good.”

It all breaks down when Thor speaks once more, though. words flowing between him biting at your hot skin.

“That’s right, love,” his hands roam your body with fervor. “Let me make you feel good.”

It’s then that your mouth goes dry and a sense of dread washes over you.

“I-,” you try to find your verbal footing, wanting to find a path away from him. “I shouldn’t be doing this, I-“

You freeze when Thor uses one of his large hands to wrap around your throat, pinning you between him and the wall.

“Are you fucking serious?” he growls. “You’re really thinking about him right now?”

He nearly spits when he mentions your boyfriend, skin hot from fury.

“Think of all the things I’ve done for you!” he hisses into your ear. “How much easier I made your life. What has your boyfriend done for you?”

You don’t respond. In turn, he only fucks into you harder.

“That’s right. I know how little he loves you, and how little you love him,” you scream as he flips you around, using one hand to pins both your arms behind your back with your cheek pressed to the cool wall. “And yet you stay with him, why?”

You say nothing in return, though it’s not like you could. Each word dies in your throat when Thor thrusts into you once again. All that’s able to escape are choked sobs, broken pleas that sound more animal than human. Part of you wonders if Thor can hear you, another part wonders, if he could, would he care? If he truly understands what he’s doing, does it matter whether or not you want to push him away and cut away the skin he’s touched?

You can’t tell which is worse – dangerous naivety in combination with his strength, or determination blended with disregard.

Fiery tears burn as they stream down the already heated skin of your cheeks, but even that isn’t enough to distract from the feeling of Thor’s large hands all over you.

“C’mon little lamb,” he growls, voice sending bolts of electricity through you. “Cum for me.”

He swipes at your clit in smooth, tight circles, golden hot pleasure flooding your veins.

You reach your peak with a deep, chesty moan, nails digging into the skin of his back as you bucked your hips near violently.

“F-fuck,” Thor growls, continuing to thrust into you. “You feel so good around my cock, little lamb. You’ll have to excuse me, you’re going to make me cum much sooner than I would on an average night.”

Your eyes widen in fear, ready to plead for him to pull out.

Thor just lets out a small laugh, nipping at your skin. “Don’t worry, lamb, I won’t fill you with my seed.”

You let out a sigh of relief, but it doesn’t last for long.

“The last thing either of us need is for you to be bearing the mark of my child away from our people.”

You barely have time to react before Thor tucks his face into your neck as he finishes himself off, thick white ropes of cum painting your lower half.

You think it’s over, but of course it isn’t – that would be too fucking easy. He moves two of his rough fingers – still smelling distinctly of your sex – through his masterpiece before shoving them deep into your mouth, smiling. At first you gag, but as your blood begs for oxygen you accept your fate and clean the salty substance with your tongue.

“There you go,” he coos, beaming as he gazes down at you. “Such a good little lamb…I wonder if you can clean my cock like that?”

You can’t tell which you flinch harder at, the nickname or the thought of him sticking his dick past your lips and down your throat.

“Oh, don’t try to act like you don’t like it,” Thor says between light kisses he peppers across your neck. “Don’t you just love the idea of servicing me forever?”

You can feel him getting hard again against your thigh and you whimper, desperate to get away.

“Fuck don’t make that noise, little lamb, makes me want you more,” Thor groans. “Just imagine it – you and me on Asgard. I can rule and you can be my pretty little pet.”

Your eyes widen in fear, brain now fully comprehending what, exactly, Thor wants from you.

“Thor, please,” you beg. “Please, let’s be rational. I mean, Stark needs me! Right? You know how much Tony needs me!”

Thor just laughs, burrowing his nose into the nap of your neck. “Oh, my little lamb. We’ll figure it out – maybe you can train someone else to do your job. Or Tony can finally figure out how to be a man and figure that shit out himself,” he pulls back to kiss at your temple, whispering into your sweaty hair. “To be honest, I really don’t care. He’ll lose you soon enough, and how he handles that is neither of our problems.”

It’s then that you understand, that you really understood what was happening with Thor, what he wants from you.

In that moment, you understood that if your world was crashing down, and Thor would be there to pick up the pieces – whether you wanted to or not.

#dark thor #thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #lukis writes stuff #dubcon #hi im finally done with this thank fuck

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avengerscompound · 5 years ago

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The Tower: The Queen of Asgard - 29

The Tower: The Queen of Asgard An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing: Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 3055

Warnings: Talk of sex

Synopsis: The twins are now three and while the Avengers know that Clint and Thor are the biological father’s none of them know or care which blond, blue-eyed baby is related to which man. When Riley gets the power to control wind and it becomes evident that she is the heir to the Asgardian throne, Elly, Steve, Thor, and Tony take the twins to Asgard to train her.

Not every Asgardian is happy with their king’s choice of consort, nor the impurity of the heir’s blood. While others expect Thor to make things more official. What’s clear is, the role of Queen of Asgard is not easily filled.

Author’s Note: Written with @fanficwriter013 who is never going to get off that train.

Chapter 29: Henhalda

Sometime in the early morning some people came into Thor’s room and told us it was time to separate. We all went to our respective rooms. I woke the next morning to Clarke shaking me gently. I groaned and rubbed my eyes.

“Well, you look blitzed,” she teased.

“Mmm…” I grumbled sitting up. “Did you have fun?”

“Oh, yes,” she said grinning. “Here I have breakfast for you. Eat and I’ll tell you all about it.”

As I ate breakfast she regaled me with the story of the small orgy she and Jax ended up having that included Hill, Coulson, Carol, Happy, and a bunch of the Asgardians including Sif and Hogun. She said they’d taken it to Sif’s rooms and that the other’s had all gone to bed not long after us. It sounded pretty wild even for my standards, and I was glad she had fun.

I was just finishing up with my breakfast when Loki let herself in without knocking. “Hurry it up. You reek of sex and you need to bathe before Henhalda starts properly.” She barked.

I saluted her and shoved the last piece of my food into my mouth. She shook her head and left the room, closing the door behind her.

“It’s funny because as much as Loki particularly likes anyone, she likes me. But also, I annoy the shit out of her,” I said getting up.

“Does Loki like anyone?” Clarke joked.

“She has people that go from tolerate to love. She just expresses her love differently.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Through sarcasm?”

“That and only stabbing non-fatally,” I joked. “Alright. I better go bathe then. See you in a bit.”

I went and bathed and came back to my room in a robe. Clarke had been joined by Katveil and they were talking about the party while Katveil set up her brushes and inks.

“Good morning, Elly!” The way Katveil said my name was like a little kid who had just been told they can use a curse word. A little scared they might get in trouble but excited to try the word on their tongue. “Are you excited about tomorrow?”

“So excited. I never let myself want this before now. And now I am getting it, it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.” I said taking off my robe.

“I’m so happy for you all,” she said. “Get comfortable. We are going to be here for a long time.”

I tied my hair up and lay down on my stomach and Katveil began to carefully fill in the linework she had done yesterday.

“So reflecting… do I just close my eyes and think about them?” I asked.

“We could ask you questions if that will help,” Katveil said.

“Okay, yes. That could work.” I agreed.

“Hmm… okay then,” Katveil said. “Do you have a favorite?”

I thought about the question seriously. The answer was always automatically no, but there was more to it than just yes or no. “No. But it’s different with all of them and some feel like they are more mine than others. Like Sam and Clint are like my best friends and I love being around them. Like all the time. Whereas Bruce and Tony challenge me, they push a lot, but I am very protective of them and I feel like they are mine. They don’t belong to the others the way they belong to me. But while they are mine, I feel like I am Natasha’s.”

“Huh,” Katveil said. “I haven’t really been in a relationship. So I don’t really have anything to compare that to.”

“Well, you have all the time in the world. I didn’t understand it until I was in the middle of it. And not just the polyamory stuff. But just being in love in general,” I explained.

“Oh?” Katveil asked.

“Oh yeah,” I said, smiling to myself. “Before them, I didn’t think I was the relationship type. I didn’t understand love. I didn’t understand romance. I didn’t even really trust people.”

“I have a hard time believing that,” Clarke teased.

“Well, it’s true,” I snarked. “I only started up with Nat because I knew she dated other people and I couldn’t get hurt if it never got serious.”

“Huh,” Katveil said. She stopped painting for a moment and then quickly went back to it like she’d just realized what she was supposed to be doing.

“You should see this thing, Blue,” Clarke said.

“I wish that I could,” I said. “But I can tell you, being painted on feels amazing.”

“Then I’m doing my job well,” Katveil said.

“I bet Hulk is enjoying it.” I hummed, imagining him lying down and being painted on.

“Is he the Hulk?” Katveil asked.

“I think so. Bruce was having a lot of trouble handling it,” I said. “It’s a shame though, it’s so relaxing.”

“I am sure they are working with him nicely,” Katveil said.

I chuckled. “If they weren’t we’d know about it.”

Clarke cracked up. “Yeah, that would draw some attention.”

Katveil chuckled and the three of us fell into mostly silence. I relaxed, letting the brush strokes on my back ease me into a light doze.

“So…” Katveil said after a little while. “Before you said the feelings were different with each of them?”

“Yes. It’s just as much, but for each of them it feels different,” I explained. “Like with Wanda. She’s really soft and caring and she makes me feel nurtured and nurturing. I want to be quiet with her and cuddle and hold each other. With Tony, I have to keep my jealousy in check because I get a little possessive of him. He was very hurt when I met him and it’s almost like I don’t trust anyone else not to hurt him again. Natasha, it feels super white-hot most of the time, but I also know when I’m at my weakest she’ll be there to wrap me up and make me feel protected.”

“I guess that makes sense. Different people need different things,” she mused.

“Exactly. Just like that,” I said.

“Tell me about each one,” she said.

I thought about it for a moment. “I love how Bruce can be soft and shy and gently and then rough and commanding and it's me that brings though out of him. I like geeking out about biology with him. I love it when he starts talking about things and I can't even understand what he's talking about anymore.

“And with Natasha, I love how loyal she is. How protective. How wild she can get and how bossy. I love how well she reads us and can always tell exactly what we need even when we don't know it. I love that with me, she lets herself be vulnerable and afraid and she knows I don't judge her for it.”

“That’s cute,” Katveil said affectionately.

“Okay... so Clint is a big dork. I love that about him. How funny he is. How loving. How he is so good at getting people into the headspace that they can do the things they need to do. I love how up for everything he is. Even when he's doubting himself. I love that he's so so smart but he pretends he's not so people don't have their expectations of him too high. I also love that with me, he pushes boundaries he's sometimes too scared to because he trusts me so much,” I explained.

“Tony I love how smart he is, and how funny. I love watching him work and when he gets all hyper-focused on something. I love how quickly we fell even after he'd been hurt so badly. I love how much he trusts me even when he didn't know me. How even when he's so scared he doesn't know what to do, what he wants more than anything is for us to be okay and to be provided for. I love how even though he could take us to expensive restaurants all the time, he'd rather eat burgers and pizza. I love how he tells me he loves me, even when he's not using the words.”

“How does that work?” Katveil asked.

“You just have to listen to him. If you listen you can hear it,” I said.

“Okay, who’s next?” She asked.

“Alright, so Sam. Sam is somehow both the coolest and sweetest person ever. I love how he just deals with shit. It almost doesn't matter what it is. I love how open he is to people. How caring. How he just wants to help people, whether it be the superhero stuff, or just to have them feel better when they're struggling with things. I love how playful he is with me. How he teases me. I love how free he is with his affection and that he'll come to me when he's feeling very cuddly because he knows I'm always down for cuddles,” I answered. “I love how Steve is this paradox. How he's so loving and understanding and caring, but how he's also such a huge fucking dumb ass. I love how passionate he is about things that are important to him. How he really backs up the things he believes in. I love how he adapts to things. I love that he sees the best in people. That he encourages the best in them. I love that he always has his heart open. I love that he will talk to me about how he's feeling even when he won't talk to anyone else because I have no expectations of how he should be and he knows that.”

“A paradox,” Katveil repeated almost to herself.

“Bucky is such a caring and soft boy. He always puts everyone ahead of himself. He had so much bad stuff happen to him, and he blames himself so much for it. I love that he'll let himself relax with us. He can't always do it, but it's more and more every day and now it's so rare to see the tense and worried Bucky. Even though he's often that with other people. I love how loving he is. How he is slow to open his heart but when it's open you're his person. I love his sense of humor. How he teases people and banters with them. I love how he always stops to pet dogs. Clint does that too actually. It's super cute. I love how when you become Bucky’s person, he's this huge flirt.” I continued. “Wanda is my sweet soft cuddly one. She is probably the most powerful one. Even compared to Thor. But she's also so soft and so fragile. I love how nothing has made her hard. She just loves. So fiercely. I love how when I'm in bed she'll just crawl into my arms and snuggle in. I love how she's not scared of her powers. She loves them and she shows them off. I love how she's quick to reassure people. I love how much of a mother she is. You know those people who are just kinda moms? But at the same time, she's just this cute little innocent thing. I love how she just comes into my room after I finished work and curls up on my bed like a cat to talk to me while I change. I love how she's willing to need people. She doesn't see that as a weakness.”

“Aww, curls up like a cat. That’s cute,” Katveil said.

“Yes, it’s very cute. She’s my cute bean,” I hummed.

“Was that all of them?” She asked.

“You’re forgetting the reason why I’m here,” I chuckled.

She made a small squeak sound and shook her head. “Yes, the king.”

“That's him,” I teased. “You know I had been with Nat for about a year before I even met Thor. I'd heard so much about him. They used to tease me for having a crush on him when really, I think they were projecting. They loved him so much. From what I hear, he's the one that convinced them that they could all be together if that's what they wanted.”

“Yes, that’s what he does,” Katveil agreed. “He inspires.”

“Oh yeah. He definitely does. And he's there where you need him. I met him because we were attacked. They took Wanda, Bucky, and Clint. They were toying with us. I called out to Heimdall to send him to help and the others laughed at me. But he came.”

Katveil gave a small nod. “It must have been necessary.”

“Oh yeah. It was. But that's what he's like. If you need him, he's there. I love how selfless he is. How good he makes people feel about themselves. I love how when he makes you feel like the most important person in the universe when he's with you.”

“So it is like you are each a brick in a foundation,” Katveil said.

“Yeah. Exactly. That is a perfect way to put it,” I agreed.

She smiled and put her paintbrushes down. “Guess what?” She said.

“Finished my back?” I asked.

“I have,” she confirmed. “It needs time to dry fully. So I will go and have them bring lunch in. Just relax a bit longer.”

“Thank you, Kat,” I said.

She headed out into the living room and I looked over at Clarke. “How does it look?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s gorgeous,” Clarke said. “Storytelling worked into it too. Well, I think.”

“Wow. Can’t wait to see it,” I said.

Katveil returned and I propped myself up on my elbows and ate the plate that was given to me. Occasionally she would touch my back gently and look at her fingers like she was testing how dry it was.

I finished my plate and Clarke took it and put it aside. “When you’re ready,” Katveil said.

“It’s dry?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “You are safe to move.”

I rolled over and sat up grabbing a glass of water and taking a long drink. “Maybe I should pee first.”

Katveil giggled. “Yes, that’s a good idea.”

I stood up. “Did you eat?”

“Did I eat?” She asked.

“Yes. Did you?” I repeated.

“The queen asks about my well being.” She said sounding shocked.

“Kat, I thought you said we were friends.” I scolded.

“Right, sorry.” She said, shaking her head. “I did eat, yes. Go… pee.”

I chuckled and grabbed the robe and went to the bathroom. When I came back I lay down and this time instead of doing the coloring, she began to fill in one of the blank spaces she had left for our symbols.

“What do you expect from the union?” Katveil asked as she did the intricate line work.

“I mean, I have been told we get our lives extended and powers. I’m glad that means that the others won’t have to face watching us grow old and die. But I think even if that wasn’t the case I’d be excited. I’m excited I get to have this thing where we get up and say to everyone, these are our people and we commit ourselves to each other.”

“So … claiming them?” Katveil asked.

“No. Not that. But not hiding and not being ashamed. Acknowledging them,” I said. “On Earth … Midgard… We were secret for so long because of the stigma of polyamory, that it is nice we get to have this. We can’t even have our relationship formally recognized there. If Tony were to die he could say we get his things, but there would be no guarantee that we’d get them.”

Katveil shook her head. “Midgard needs to stop being so repressed.”

“No argument from me,” Clarke laughed.

Katveil continued to work through the afternoon. The symbols for each person were all placed low around my hips and the insides of my thighs. Each done in that style that resembled a nordic mandella. Steve’s resembled a shield with a quill and inkwell tipped over on it. As she colored it the ink showed as bleeding colors that represented each of us into the shield. Blended into the shield was the rune Tỷr. Bucky’s was a wolf with what looked like an entire galaxy of stars in its eyes. The rune blended into it was eihwaz. Tony’s was half arc reactor, half-atom with the rune fehu. Bruce was a coin, that appeared to be in motion. On one side was the trefoil, the other side a green teddy bear. The rune that was worked into it was Ur. Clint had what looked like a cup of coffee and two arrows that were laid out into the shape of the rune nauðr, over a chevron. Natasha had her black widow symbol with a long-stemmed rose, complete with thorns. Her rune was algiz. Sam’s symbol was a feather that blended out into falcons taking flight, along with his wedged symbol and the rune raihdo. Wanda was the curved M of her logo with the rune ansus on a bleeding heart orchid. Thor’s was Mjolnir with sparks that came off her and connected with everyone else’s symbol. On the handle of Mjolnir was the rune thuisaz.

As Katveil colored, the images seemed to come to life, almost like a kind of magic ran through them. The colors seemed to be part of the story. In some places, they were bright primary colors. In others washed out watercolors. Some were metallic and shimmered in the light A thread of gold seemed to run through the whole scene connecting each part like it was a story, but while something I could vaguely understand, others I wasn’t sure about.

By the end, I was covered neck down in the artwork. Even on the soles of my feet and the palms of my hands. Katveil wished me well for the wedding and said she would be in the crowd and I spent the rest of the night with Clarke. The kids came in to see me for a little while and we played games and ate dessert. They were then taken to see Bruce so he could read them their bedtime story.

When I went to sleep I was buzzing with excitement. Tomorrow was the day my life was going to change forever and I couldn’t wait.

// NEXT

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jackoshadows · 5 years ago

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One of the reasons for why I love Jon Snow in the books is because I find him to be the character who adheres closest to values I find admirable. IMO, Character traits like being broad-minded, intelligent and loyal tend to be more attractive in a character rather than than say good looks or good manners. Jon is selfless and honorable - to a certain extent. He can be pragmatic and bend the rules if necessary.

Jon Snow stands out as the only leader/main character in the series whose central narrative theme is about unifying people against a common threat. This is underscored by GRRM sending him off to the wall at the start of the books and Jeor Mormont telling Jon Snow:

When dead men coming hunting in the night, do you think it matters who sits on the Iron Throne - Jon Snow, AGoT

With this in mind, we see Jon continually grow as a character from book one to book five gradually killing the boy to let the man be born.

When we first see him at the wall, he’s a bit of a privileged brat and offended by the other recruits. But after Donal Nye sets him straight, he uses his education and knowledge to help the other kids in the NW. Jon grew up otherizing the Wildlings and saw them as people to be kept on the other side of the wall. He then spends a lot of time with them and comes to see them as human beings same as him and the rest of Westeros. He wants his childhood desire of being Lord of Winterfell, but understands that he swore an oath to the NW and his job is to defend the realm.

There are two quotes that embody Jon Snow best in the books:

‘You know nothing, Jon Snow’ – First used by Ygritte to educate Jon Snow on his ignorance about Wildlings and then later used by Lord Commander Jon Snow to remind himself that he still has a lot to learn even as a leader of men. A take on Socrates ‘I know that I know nothing’ – a humble acknowledgment that even the best leaders are not experts but human beings who can mistakes.

‘We look up at the same stars and see such different things’ - Jon is able to understand that two people can see the same thing and have such different opinions and that their opinions are colored by their upbringing and situation. As someone who has to unite people against a common threat, this is an important understanding that Jon has earned – this could be why he is a damn good negotiator in the books, earning praise from even Stannis.

Jon is able to acknowledge these important little lessons because he is at heart a fundamentally good person. We see this in how he treats characters who are disadvantaged and mistreated by Westeros society. These are not big moments but small character relationships that highlight how Jon Snow often stands out in thinking differently to a majority of Westeros.

Jon Snow as a child comforting Arya when she comes crying to him about being a possible bastard because of her looks. Imagine how much this would have hurt? But he loves Arya enough to put aside his own hurt feelings to reassure her.

Once he gets to know Tyrion personally and differentiates him from the rest of the Lannisters, Jon is quickly able to see past appearances and Westerosi prejudices and considers Tyrion a friend:

He ran back to the common hall , where he found Tyrion Lannister just finishing his meal. He grabbed the little man under the arms, hoisted him up in the air, and spun him around in a circle. “Bran is going to live!” he whooped. - Jon, AGoT

Asks Tyrion to comfort and help Bran in whatever way possible. This is in contrast to Robb’s immediate dislike and distrust of Tyrion. Jon judges a person based on their actions.

“Thank you, my lord of Lannister.” He pulled off his glove and offered his bare hand. “Friend.”

Tyrion found himself oddly touched. “Most of my kin are bastards,” he said with a wry smile, “but you’re the first I’ve had to friend.” - Tyrion, AGoT

Realizes how Sam Tarly is ill equipped to fight, figures out what Sam is best suited to do, talks to Maester Aemon about it and arranges for Sam to work for the Maester instead.

Appoints Satin Flowers, a former male prostitute from OldTown as his steward despite opposition from his bigoted department heads. And he does this, because once again, he judges based on a person’s actions and skills, rather than on the labels society places on them

“My Lord, the boy’s a whore...a...dare I say... a painted catamite from the brothels of Old Town”

“What he was in Oldtown is none of our concern. He’s quick to learn and very clever. The other recruits started out despising him, but he won them over and made friends of them all. He’s fearless in a fight and can even read and write after a fashion. He should be capable of fetching me my meals and saddling my horse, don’t you think?”

“Most like,” said Bowen Marsh, stony-faced, “but the men do not like it. Traditionally the lord commander’s squires are lads of good birth being groomed for command. Does my lord believe the men of the Night’s Watch would ever follow a whore into battle?”

Jon’s temper flashed. “They have followed worse. The Old Bear left a few cautionary notes about certain of the men, for his successor. We have a cook at the Shadow Tower who was fond of raping septas. He burned a seven-pointed star into his flesh for every one he claimed. His left arm is stars from wrist to elbow, and stars mark his calves as well. At Eastwatch we have a man who set his father’s house afire and barred the door. His entire family burned to death, all nine. Whatever Satin may have done in Oldtown, he is our brother now, and he will be my squire.”

Jon appoints Leathers of the Freefolk as his Master-at-arms once again, against objections from the likes of Cellador and Bowen

Bowen: Is it true that you mean to replace Emmett with this savage Leathers as our master-at-arms? That is an office most oft reserved for knights, or rangers at the least.

Jon: Leathers is savage. I can attest to that. I've tried him in the practice yard. He's as dangerous with a stone axe as most knights are with castle-forged steel. I grant you, he is not as patient as I'd like, and some of the boys are terrified of him ... but that's not all for the bad. One day they'll find themselves in a real fight, and a certain familiarity with terror will serve them well

The Freefolk women: Jon sees them as capable and equal in all ways to the men. He sends Val off all alone to find Tormund. He garrisons Long Barrow fully with Spearwives, entrusting them to defend that castle and the wall.

And we find that Jon is hungry for knowledge, and in his spare time he learns the Old Tongue from Leathers so that he can communicate with the giant Wun-Wun. He is always reading the books Maester Aemon left him, conducting science experiments on wights and even thinks of building a green house on the Gift to grow food. Once again, Jon acknowledges the importance of learning that he picked up from characters like Aemon, Sam and Tyrion.

I have a realistic grasp of my own strengths and weaknesses. My mind is my weapon. My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer, and I have my mind.. and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge.” Tyrion tapped the leather cover of the book. “That’s why I read so much, Jon Snow.” - Tyrion, AGoT

There’s a reason for why Jon’s so good at what he does. Look at the people from whom he learns – Ned Stark, Tyrion Lannister, Jeor Mormont, Donal Noye, Qhorin Half-hand, Maester Aemon, Samwell Tarly, Mance Raydar, Stannis Baratheon etc. Every one of these men gives him a tidbit of information that he ends up using in the books.

Jon is very astute and has a deep understanding of the way the North and people in general work:

"The free folk despise kneelers," he had warned Stannis. "Let them keep their pride, and they will love you better." Soon or late, however, Tormund Giantsbane would assault the Wall again, and when that hour came Jon wondered whose side Stannis's new-made subjects would choose. You can give them land and mercy, but the free folk choose their own kings. - Jon, ADwD

Early on he advises Stannis to go with the Umbers instead of the Karstarks. Later we see his advice hold true as the Karstarks betray Stannis while Mors Crowfood allies with him. He also advises Stannis to approach Manderly – a decision that once again works out right. He explains to Stannis in clear detail how to approach the mountain clans for help

“And they will fight for me, you believe?”

“If you ask them.”

“Why should I beg for what is owed me?”

“Ask, I said, not beg.” Jon pulled back his hand. “It is no good sending messages. Your Grace will need to go to them yourself. Eat their bread and salt, drink their ale, listen to their pipers, praise the beauty of their daughters and the courage of their sons, and you’ll have their swords. The clans have not seen a king since Torrhen Stark bent his knee. Your coming does them honor. Command them to fight for you, and they will look at one another and say, ‘Who is this man? He is no king of mine.’ ”

In a way, it makes sense that Jon tries to see the humanity of people, tries to teach them, weeds out talent and designates based on merit and skillset – he works with the lowest of the lowest. He’s the military head of a group of outlaws, murderers, rapists, bigots, smallfolk with no education or access to education. He has to be able to see beyond labels to get this ragtag bunch ready to face an apocalyptic threat.

Contrast this Jon Snow to Jaime Lannister in AFfC who hangs some outlaws in the Riverlands and then proudly calls himself ‘Goldenhand the Just’ for meting out ‘justice’, failing to even acknowledge that those hungry outlaws were created by his war – a war that started because of his incestuous adultery.

To conclude, Jon Snow ending an 8000 year old feud between the north and the freefolk, bringing them over to this side of the wall, including them in the realms of men, making real alliances between old Northern houses and the freefolk epitomizes what Jon Snow stands for as a character in the books.

There’s a reason for why GRRM describes Jon Snow thus:

Jon Snow is the truest character--I like his sense of realism and the way he copes with his bastardy.

#Jon Snow #ASoIaF #A Song of Ice and Fire

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peace-coast-island · 3 years ago

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Diary of a Junebug

Down by the fishing hole

The guys from Airy are back for a fishing tourney and more musical fun times! Joining them are Franny and little Ellie May, both who are enjoying the camp very much. It's been forever since I've seen the two so it's been great catching up with them.

Ellie May's full of spirit, she's a lot like her dad and aunt. I'm surprised that she kinda remembered me a little from when I last visited Airy, which was maybe four or five years ago - not too long before I came to the camp so around that time period. She was probably around two as she was walking and talking by then.

Sam says that Ellie May couldn't wait to come to the camp so she's been marking down the days until the tourney on the calendar. It's no surprise that she's into the great outdoors like her parents. At home she would tag along with Sam, Buddy, and Storm on their fishing trips at Sawyer Lake right outside town. And like the guys, Ellie May has a knack for fishing.

Franny's a bit of an outlier as she's not an avid fisher, but she does like hanging out with the guys. Though it's more so she can keep an eye on them. Buddy and Storm have a way of attracting trouble while Ellie May has Sam wrapped around her finger so it's up to Franny to be a couple steps ahead when their antics drive them up a wall.

What I love about Franny is that on the outside she looks like the kind of person who's got her shit together - the sole braincell of the gang. Independent, intelligent, creative, badass - there's a reason why she's a force to be reckoned with. Though on the inside she's just as crazy and eccentric as the others - and that's why everyone looks up to her.

While fishing, we got to talking about what's been going on in Airy. Ellie May's on the soccer team at school and taking piano lessons with a neighbor. Sam and Franny's dad is semi-retiring from the Airy Gazette, which is slowly phasing out newspapers to go completely online by next year. The community choir album is progressing while In Hopes and Dreams is a hit, prompting Storm to work on recording more music. Buddy's running the gas station/auto shop as usual. Franny is filling prescriptions and keeping up with current events. Sam's balancing town council and home life as well as dabbling as a songwriter.

Airy's one of those small towns that has adapted and changed over years while still retaining its heart. People like Franny, Sam, Ellie May, and Buddy are rooted firmly to their town, their families having been there for generations. Franny and Sam's grandpa, Andy Beryl, was a well known townfolk. He was the good samaritan, the kind of guy who takes the time to help others and actively worked to make the town a better place. There's a plaque in the courthouse dedicated to him in the office where he worked - it was brand new when I last visited.

We also got to talking about Andy Beryl a bit as it's been almost ten years since his passing. Imagine if he had lived a few more years he would've gotten to know Ellie May. Sam and Franny speak highly of him, talking about fond memories of him telling stories of the shenanigans he and his friends got up to in town. Among his friends included Buddy and Storm's grandpa, who was also known for getting into sticky situations that involved Andy stepping in to save the day.

Being part of the town council, Sam and Franny feel a sense of responsibility for the town. Since taking on the role of head council, Sam has kinda followed in his grandpa's footsteps - even mirroring his life in a way. Along with being the go-to person in town, Sam, like Andy, is also a single parent who's trying their best. The Beryls hold pride in their family name but at the same time avoid putting it up on a pedestal. After all, they're regular folks just like everyone else - something that seems to get muddled over the years but the message's clear enough. They have a legacy that they're proud of and want to keep it up, to make things even better for the next generation.

Speaking of generations, what's interesting about Airy is how different things were thirty years ago. During Andy's time, the town was mostly white - English, Irish, Scottish, German - most who have been living there for generations. Now most of the people in Airy are mixed, mainly white and Asian like the present company. Sam and Franny's father, Andy's son, married his college sweetheart, a Cambodian immigrant. As a result, Sam and Franny grew up with a mix of both cultures and know how to speak Khmer. It's fun seeing them bickering in their second language, because even if you don't understand what they're saying, at least you get what's going on.

(Also I'm lowkey jealous of how well they speak Khmer. I can barely hold a basic conversation, plus my pronunciation totally butchers the language. They say theirs isn't that great either but compared to mine, it's nothing. Sorry Mom, I'm trying but Khmer is hard.)

And as for Ellie May, her mom, Ellie, was born from Mexican immigrants. Ellie's parents visit often so Ellie May's picked up Spanish from them, making her trilingual. It seems early, but her grandparents want Ellie May to have a quinceañera, though before we know it, that day will come soon! It's good to see Ellie May proud of her heritages as well as showing off her impressive language skills!

Again, I find it interesting how much the demographic? culture? of Airy has shifted so much over the past 30-40 years, which is basically Sam, Franny, Buddy, and Storm's generation. Pretty much everyone around their age is born from a longtime Airy townfolk and an immigrant. I wonder how much more Airy will change with Ellie May's generation.

In between fishing sessions, we did a bunch of fun activities. Buddy was in his element at OK Motors tinkering with engines. He's a bit unconventional when it comes to fixing cars but he's got his ways. Storm messed around with engines too while looking for songwriting inspiration. He and Sam have written a couple songs over the past few weeks so they'll be dropping by the island in the near future to record. I'm happy that Storm's getting back into writing music, especially now that things are finally working out in his favor in terms of creative control.

Franny and Ellie May enjoy hiking and foraging, they've gathered a lot of berries so we're gonna be making something with them. We're debating on whether to make a pie or a bunch of little tarts - either one sounds good. Sam brought his guitar, prompting spontaneous jam sessions throughout the camp. Like Storm, he's been getting into music too, especially since discovering his talent as a lyricist. We've heard live performances of the new songs - Out of Reach, Dandelions, and Where the Ferns Grow - all which sounded fantastic. Hopefully there's more where that came from.

Since working on In Hopes and Dreams, Sam has also been seeing a counselor. With the song being about grief and loss and now that Ellie May's become more curious about her mom, Sam finally realized that he needed help. Talking about Ellie has been difficult but he knew that he can't keep avoiding it forever, especially for Ellie May's sake. I haven't known Ellie for long but her absence is felt, which I think says a lot about her.

While the others fished, Franny collected seashells and took a bunch of pics. Sam managed to catch a lot of doubles as well as a shark during the off hours. Despite almost getting yeeted in the middle of the ocean, he managed to drag the shark to shore - with our help, of course. Ellie May drew a cute sticker for him that says "I fought a shark and won!" with a funny doodle to go with it, which he stuck on his jacket for all to see. The two have such a sweet bond, it's fun seeing Sam carry Ellie May up on his shoulders as they laugh and run around the camp.

Earlier today we took a short hike along the thornberry trail behind the camp. That probably wasn't the best idea as the path's kinda narrow and we had to watch out for thorns. Sam had to go after Ellie May, who was running around, and both ended up stuck in a bramble bush. Thankfully their injuries are nothing serious, but they looked painful. As soon as they took off, Franny knew that something like that was gonna happen as both have a tendency to be too curious while easily distracted. It doesn't matter how grown up you are, the older sibling never stops being the caretaker for the younger one.

Just for the record, Ellie May was a lot braver than Sam - and she has more scrapes and bumps than him. Though for him, it's less the pain and more that the sight of blood puts him off. There's a reason why Franny followed their mom's footsteps to study medicine and he didn't.

Aside from that little mishap, everything else has been going well. Franny, Daisy Jane and Norma made fish pies that turned out great. They're basically like seafood chowders with a puff pastry layer on top. Stu and Buddy helped Reese and Cyrus build a gazebo that's ready to paint so that's what we're gonna do tomorrow. Storm, Candi, and Tipper hung out at Sunbust Island and harvested coconuts to make smoothies. Sam and Ellie May helped me run errands while sightseeing and stocking up on supplies. Just another fun and busy day at the camp!

In between those activities, we met up at the beach for another round of fishing. The tourney fish seem to gravitate towards the area near the cliff so we called that spot the fishing hole. It's a nice area to be situated in, kind of like our own little nook in the ocean.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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starryevermore · 4 years ago

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paradise island: a review

A note before we begin: everything above the cut will be spoiler free and will just be my general feelings about the story as a whole, the writing, and if I’d recommend it. Everything below the cut will include spoilers to explain my feelings about the story.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Visiting the North Shore had been a bizarre and unsettling experience, to say the least, but when they got home after vacation was over, he was going to suggest to Colby that they make a video about it.

Hell, no. Even better. Write a book. Videos melted away after a while, but a book? Books and stories solidified on the conscious mind forever. (91-92)

Overall, I enjoyed this book. I generally enjoy stories like this, but there were a few moments throughout the novel where things just fell a bit flat.

While I was reading, I made a few notes, the first being that there was a weird juxtaposition between talking about more adult topics (drinking, women, sex, etc.) but in an odd, almost kid-friendly way. Some of the word choices were interesting, such as constant use of “fancy-pants”, “hottie”, “goofball”, “oddball”, and “doofus”, as well as the one moment where Colby said he hated “dicky” people and the moment where Sam said Colby was about to have an “emo-ruption”. (Though I did laugh a lot longer than I should have at “emo-ruption”.) It felt like they were still trying to make the story appropriate for their younger fans by using more kid-friendly language, while also appealing to their older fans by being like “look!! we drink!! and ooh look, we talked about smoking weed 👀🤪”. I wish they would’ve committed to one or the other, because it added an odd sense of disjointedness to the story that could’ve been easily resolved.

The other big thing I made note of was that there was a lot of “tell, not show” throughout. There’s a heavy focus on dialogue to progress the story rather than seeing into the boys’ inner thoughts and using other means to find out information. (I’m not one to talk, though, since I also focus more on dialogue than description.) It sometimes made it difficult to fully get into the story. I struggled with developing a picture of what the Belle Estate looked like, or what the other characters (beside SNC, Nate, and Alex) looked like. In terms of the boys, it seemed very reliant on us knowing who Sam and Colby are and what they’re all about (which is fair, since probably 99.9% of people who bought the book are fans of them but, if they want success outside of their audience, it could’ve been more descriptive in that regard).

As for the big twist at the end, it was a bit lackluster. I’ll go more in detail on this in the “spoiler section”, but it kind of diminished everything that had happened throughout the story and left me wondering “what was the point?”.

I was excited when I’d heard that the story was told through both Sam and Colby’s POVs, but, I’ll be honest, I saw little difference between Sam’s chapters than Colby’s chapters. The most difference was the almost stereotypical portrayal of Sam being the logical one while Colby being the emotional one. Aside from that, they were almost indistinguishable from me and I often had to flip back to the start of a chapter to remind myself of who’s head I was in.

Since that was all critical, here’s some things I did like:

I feel like, while the inner monologues were a bit lacking, Gaby did make up for it by making the dialogue between the boys really realistic to them. In this regard, she really nailed the portrayal of them.

The depiction of the paranormal things was really great. I feel like those parts were the ones I could get most into the story. The way Gaby wrote them was so interesting and pulled me in. I wish there was more of these moments throughout the story, because I think they really showcased who Gaby is as a writer.

The convo where Colby called Sam “Velma” and then Nate asked if Colby was “Fred”? I really enjoyed that because (a) Scooby is my favorite thing in the whole world and (b) I chose Sam and Colby be Velma and Fred in my moodboards a month ago so just a lil fun moment for me.

Just how meta the book was. Like, the quote I included at the top? I laughed for way too long when I read that.

There was a nice sense of nostalgia throughout, specifically when they brought up their YouTube channel, their Vine days, them being arrested, wining a Teen Choice Award, and Corey and the Shadowman. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and reminded me of how proud I am for how far they’ve come.

*slight spoiler here* Speaking of being arrested, there was a moment where SNC were contemplating escaping to the beach and they had a conversation if it was worth being arrested again. I really loved that, especially with how much fans joke about them inevitably being arrested again.

This is more for the person who designed the cover, but holy shit?? I loved it so much??

I don’t know if I would have picked this book up if it didn’t have Sam and Colby’s name attached to it. I will say, though, I finished the book in one sitting, which is pretty rare for me nowadays, so it was engaging. I think, overall, it was a great story with a great concept but it could’ve been fleshed out more. In some ways, it almost felt like this was a draft rather than a completed novel.

That being said, for SNC’s first book and Gaby’s first time working with the boys, it exceeded my expectations. If they were to continue writing books together, I imagine it will get better and better as they get more used to each other and potentially open up more so that their characters become a more accurate depiction of them.

Overall, the book’s not something you really need to race out to get. I think, if you have a gift card or there’s some sort of deal or you need to spend a little more to get free shipping, it wouldn’t hurt to pick up Paradise Island. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t a great, top-tier novel in my opinion. That being said, if you do pick it up, I think you will enjoy the book.

Spoiler Avenue

The characterization of all four of the boys is a bit 2D. Sam’s logical and wants to keep the peace, Colby’s emotional and more of a wildcard, Nate’s focused on his schoolwork and flexing his vocabulary, and Alex? Well, I couldn’t get a good read on Alex until he sells out SNC at the end of the novel and even then, he didn’t feel so much like his own character, more like someone just present to further the plot.

Speaking of characters, the introduction of Trey was...meh. I wish we could’ve gotten more insight on why Colby was so adamant about not liking Trey and why Nate was so gung ho to ditch their plans to go to the North side of the island for this guy they barely knew. Finding out that Colby didn’t like Trey because he said college was the only way to success was such an odd thing? Like, undoubtedly there’s been many people who would’ve said that, so does Colby also dislike everyone who’s said that or is there a more specific reason he didn’t like Trey? Just...👏🏻 more 👏🏻 inner 👏🏻 thoughts 👏🏻 please 👏🏻 and 👏🏻 thank 👏🏻 you 👏🏻

@golbrocklovely brought this up in her review but Colby’s fixation on the mermaid statue of a 16-year-old was really odd. It probably wouldn’t have been as odd if Amy was aged up a bit to 18, but as a 16-year-old with the descriptions that were given? Yeah...not the vibe.

I also wasn’t a fan of how so many things plot-wise was just...told to the boys. They could’ve found some newspaper clippings or something, anything to make them put in a little bit of detective work. But for so much information to just be handed to them? It got old, and almost lazy.

The big twist being that all of the paranormal stuff they’d encountered being a hallucination? God, that was so fucking annoying (though I did go back afterwards from the moment that they first arrived at the Belle Estate—starting as early as page 36—and it felt incredibly obvious knowing now that it was all drugs, so props to Gaby for dropping that many hints early on). To spend so much time making all of this scary shit happen just to turn around and say “HAHA JK THE BOYS WERE JUST TRIPPING BALLS” was such a cop out. It would’ve been more terrifying for it all to be real, make the boys question their beliefs and the reality of there being something out there that they didn’t quite understand. Though, there is something terrifying about not knowing you’ve been drugged and having hallucinated that vividly, but I feel like it didn’t quite fit in with the story.

Alex betraying the boys? So interesting! This was one of the few things that made sense in terms of them being drugged. But then when he was betrayed when Pauahi (who’s name was misspelled a few different times in the book) escaped? Ugh, amazing. We love instant karma like that.

Going back to the “tell not show” thing, I wish the sacrifice at the end would’ve been more detailed. For all of the paranormal stuff to be written off as a drug-induced hallucination, I would’ve loved if Gaby had leaned more into the horror of being used in a human sacrifice. There was more of a focus on Colby bargaining for his life, which is fair, but I would’ve loved to see more of the pure terror there.

That being said, the way Trey finally snapped out of it? *chef’s kiss* Loved that shit so much. And I loved the fact that Trey stayed behind in the end. It added a nice eeriness to the story that had been lacking since they debunked the paranormal shit as being hallucinations.

Again, going back to my overall, thoughts, I enjoyed the book in general. Some things could’ve been fleshed out a bit more to reach its full potential. I wish they leaned more into the paranormal aspect and had more descriptions to balance out all of the dialogue, but other than that, I did enjoy the book and don’t regret buying it.

#sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock #snc #xplr #paradise island #starrybrock #a review

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kyberled · 4 years ago

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Bird Headcanon Prompts!

@theshaark asked:

Falcon- what is your muse's biggest accomplishment? Do they like to show it off, or keep it to themselves?

That’s a tough one, and not just because he doesn’t like gloating about himself. He also just has a completely different metric than I do for a ‘great accomplishment’. So, I’m going to put a couple things (some he considers, and some I do) and talk about each of them a little bit. (Barring various battles he’s proud of, because if we include those, it’d be even longer than it already is.)

First is being chosen as a Jedi to begin with. He doesn’t consider this a great accomplishment, as he doesn’t think he did anything, but he is proud of what he is. He won’t flaunt it, though. Or - he won’t flaunt it often. He doesn’t think being a Jedi makes him better than others, of above them in any sense. Jedi are servants of the Force, after all. ... That being said, if he needs to pull rank to get something done, it is quite useful.

Second is getting his crystals. This one, he’s pretty proud of. Given that it’s a pretty common thing for Jedi - as in, every Jedi does it - he doesn’t brag about it. ... Not often, at least. He is very proud of his sabers, and will talk about them at length if asked. I’m talking hours upon hours. It’s one of his ‘things’. He is very proud of the colour, but he won’t usually show it off unless it’s in jest. His best friend Hano was the other member of their group who found an unusual crystal during the Gathering. Every now and again, the rest of their group will ask them ‘what makes them so special’, and they’ll light up their sabers and make a show of strutting around. It’s just a joke for them, though, and usually leads to some good-natured sparring and playfighting.

Third is being chosen as Obi-Wan’s padawan. This is huge for him. He thought he wasn’t going to get picked, and there were reasons for this. Some of which Rodi and I recently discussed over Discord and I’m still giggling about, but Braig doesn’t know them. He’s very proud of his status, though, and adores his master whole-heartedly. He does sort of show this off, but in a different way. Obi-Wan is canonically loved by other members of the Order. He’s basically a celebrity. This means, when Braig is on nursery/creche duty, he entertains the kids with stories about his master. Sometimes he embellishes them, just a bit. This is also just because he knows how hard Obi-Wan works. He knows how much his dad suffers for the Order. He also knows Obi-Wan will never ask for acknowledgement; that’s not who he is. Braig just thinks his master ought to be appreciated. So, if the kids start clamoring for tales of Master Kenobi’s latest exploits, well, who is he to say no?

Then learning Vapaad. This is something he’s very proud of, but doesn’t actually employ especially often. @nieithryn and I have been talking about it for a while (mostly because we’re both messes about Grandpa Mace and his tiny grandson), but, Vapaad is interesting. It’s not just a fighting style. In the words of Shatterpoint, it’s a mindset. And it can mess you up bad if you’re not careful. Like, really bad. Like, ‘the Force tried to get Mace Windu to kill a child’ bad. He doesn’t, because Mace Windu is a good person, but the Force does tell him ‘he drew a knife on you, stab him’ and Mace almost has to say ‘no, he’s like, ten, we’re not doing that’. The Force also told him, ‘hey, you could kill this entire enemy force, and it wouldn’t even be hard’. That one took a bit more effort for him to be like ‘well, yeah, I could, but I shouldn’t and won’t’.

(Fuck it, this is a Vapaad essay now.)

Now, this is in part because Korun (the planet Mace was on) is naturally steeped in the Dark side, but also because Vapaad involves the user letting themselves tap into the Dark. Now, here’s the thing: I’ve always considered the Force to be alive and sentient. It is ancient and it is hungry, and its morals aren’t our morals. It’ll get in your head and drag you down and tear you apart. It does not care. Additionally, I don’t really think of it as a black and white sort of deal. It’s a gradient, not a light switch. It’s also extremely easy to fall into the Dark and not be let go. Braig, as a Jedi, knows this. That doesn’t make it any easier to handle. The Jedi don’t dabble in the Dark side often. Those that do can struggle to come back. The dark will dig its claws in and rip you apart mentally and physically to serve its purpose. Just look at some of the noteworthy Darksiders, in both Legends and canon; they all end up as warped echoes of who they were before. Braig has heard this enough times to know about it pretty damn well. The dark side is scary. And, as proud of my boy as I am, as hard as he works, he’s not a master. He’s not even a knight. He’s a teenage padawan. There is no possible way for him to have the mental clarity of a Jedi master. Both because he doesn’t have the training or experience, not by half, but also, because teenage brains are still developing. Again, it is literally impossible for him to have the control Mace does. And there are times Mace struggles with the Vapaad mindset.

Liz and I (and Rodi, here and there) have discussed Braig’s Vapaad training a lot. It starts when he’s thirteen - at about the same time he’s chosen as a padawan. Sometimes this is instead of ‘standard’ saber classes, sometimes this is instead of one of the blocks of self-guided practice he’s supposed to have. The training is usually split into two sections: The first is actually training in Vapaad, the movements and philosophy and applications, and the second is coming down from it. It usually involves things like tea, meditation, naps, gentle conversation, guided breathing, and physical affection (eg hugs), as it’s all things that help ground Braig and help him get into a better mindset. And that’s all well and good in training. It’s fine in the Temple. It doesn’t work so well in battle. The older he gets, the more comfortable he might be with falling into the Vapaad mindset in combat, but - especially as a teenager - he considers it a last-resort option only. It’s too risky for him. The dark side scares him, and for good reason. One of the sifu I regularly train with (sifu Sam, for those who’ve been around a while) once told me that, if you do not fear a weapon, you are not ready to use it. It’s often called a ‘healthy fear’. It’s what keeps you from messing around with a weapon, being irresponsible, and getting hurt. Vapaad is devastating. The movements of someone who falls into Vapaad are described as “not blinding, but invisible” with the italics in-text. It is brutal and ruthless and possibly the deadliest form there is, but, of course, there’s the flip side that most Vapaad users have fallen to the dark, and not many of them are able to come back. Braig might incorporate some of the movements of Vapaad into his average fighting style, but, like I said, he’d only consider actually using it as a last resort, life or death sort of thing. When he’s training with Mace, he can sit down afterwards, have a cup of tea, and take a moment to breathe to get away from the viciousness of the Force. You don’t get that on a battlefield, especially when your adrenaline is rushing, and there’s an army of adrenaline-charged Mandos with you, and you might be hurt, or tired, or someone you love might be hurt or tired or worse, who knows? You don’t necessarily get time to breathe. He’s scared of what might happen if he can’t come down in time, or at all - he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

That’s not to say he isn’t proud of learning Vapaad. He’s extremely proud, mostly because of how few people are actually taught the form, but also because he gets to learn it from one of the people who created it. That’s a huge deal to him, he thinks it’s awesome. He just doesn’t think it’s appropriate for him to go bragging about it (especially because of how dangerous he quickly realizes it can be) - might make him seem like an unworthy student, too, which he doesn’t want. It’s similar to his sabers, wherein his friends might teasingly ask when they get to learn Vapaad, and he’d respond with a cheeky ‘uh, never’, but he’d never seriously gloat about it.

The Vapaad talk leads into his next ‘greatest accomplishment’: Killing General Grau Tessk. This is the first time Braig takes a life. It’s not the first time he’s seen anyone die, mind; he’s a medic. It’s a war. He’s seen a lot of men die. A lot of friends die. Either they died in combat, or, almost worse for his emotional wellbeing, they died on the way to or in the med tent. Sometimes they’re civilians. War isn’t pretty, it isn’t merciful. It takes until there’s nothing left to take, or you stop it. Or both. It’s usually both. So yes, Braig has seen people die. He’s just never killed before.

The Separatist army uses battle droids. Whether or not they’re sentient - that’s an ongoing discussion in the fandom at large - they’re not alive. They’re robots. They don’t generate a presence in the Force. You don’t feel it when they ‘die’. Heck, one of the droids in the Ryloth arc even mentions that some units (older ones) are run from a central computer, so if a droid does have a consciousness, cutting down the body might not even ‘kill’ the consciousness.

It’s different killing a person. You can feel them die. You can feel their presence sever from the Force (especially when you’re trained as a medic). Braig, like all Jedi, have been taught the value of life since he was old enough to understand. All life is of equal and immeasurable value.

And he just killed someone.

He doesn’t even remember a lot of it, even if it were something to brag about. Part of that is just the physical state he was in at the time: Tired, worn down, sleep deprived, malnourished, and, right, he’d just taken a lightsaber to the face. He wasn’t doing well. He’s been well-trained, but we’ve seen in canon that the styles he uses (the ones Obi-Wan uses) don’t do well with negative emotions. That’s why Maul and Savage beat the hell out of him. Vapaad isn’t like that. Vapaad takes every last drop of anger and fear and everything that you have and turns them not into bullets, but into nuclear armaments. Scorched earth. Additionally, so few people actually study Vapaad that most Separatists - even Grievous, who is trained in being able to learn and copy saber styles - don’t know anything about it, including how to defend. Tessk has fought Jedi before. Tessk hadn’t fought Vapaad before. If it wasn’t for that, there’s a very good chance Braig might have been the one to die instead of our dear general. It wasn’t a clean death in any sense; Tessk ended up in multiple parts. Personally, I think he had it coming, but Braig is a Jedi, and the idea that he killed someone shook him up terribly. It didn’t help that, as I’ve mentioned, it’s hard to get out of the mindset Vapaad requires. Kriss and Boone helped him out of the area, but there was definitely a good few minutes where they were trying to get Braig to talk to them and Vapaad/the Force was going ‘you don’t want to be touched, you want to be safe, you need to kill these people’ and Braig had to take a few breaths to remind himself that, no, Kriss and Boone are friends (or, at the least, he respected Kriss as an ally, but their weird are-they-aren’t-they-friends isn’t the topic here), and he REALLY didn’t want to hurt anyone else, especially not them. It came too close for comfort, though, and definitely spooked him pretty bad. I don’t know if he ever talked about it with the two of them - I’m not sure he could - but it’s definitely something he wants to talk about with Grandpa Mace, so here’s my reminder to bother Liz some time in the future.

If you couldn’t guess, no, he doesn’t brag about this. He feels awful about it. He expects to be punished. Jedi don’t kill. Jedi aren’t executioners. He killed someone. He took a life. He omits a lot of things in the official reports he files - including the real cause of Mal’s death - but doesn’t omit the fact that he cut down Tessk. If asked, he’d say that he accepts whatever punishment the Council deems fit. Of course, all of the grown-ups he’s discussed it with - including those on the Council - tell him, uh, no, you’re not in trouble, that was self-defense, you didn’t have a choice, but. It doesn’t really sink in. Yes, he had a choice, he thinks. He made the wrong one. Tessk should have stood trial. He would’ve been declared guilty easily, sure, but he should have stood trial. Even the notion that there would’ve been no way for them to hold Tessk until the Republic arrived doesn’t sit well for him. It translates into ‘I killed him because it was convenient’. Again, it... It takes him a while. He doesn’t really accept it until at least a good few months, if not a year or more, later.

Then we have surviving Order 66. This is huge. He’s one of the few Jedi who survive. He just... Doesn’t always want to be. Remember, he’s only seventeen when the purge happens. He’s still a child. He can’t even vote yet. And - in the ‘canon’ timeline - he deals with the genocide of his people alone. He has friends he eventually runs into and shacks up with, sure, but the earlier part of his developmental years were spent fighting a war, and the later end of that period was spent escaping a genocide. You can see why he doesn’t feel like celebrating. He doesn’t show this one off, either, because if anyone knew he was a Jedi, he’d be hunted down in the streets and shot. He gets a bit more bold with what he is once he’s situated with the Rebellion, but, before that? It’s best to just be safe.

I would also put his journal among one of his greatest accomplishments, though it’s not quite so grandiose. It’s something he’s kept since he was thirteen years old. He never really ‘finishes’ it until he knows he’s about done in life - his mid 220′s - and just digitized old pages and bought new ones (yes, it’s flimsi, he’s very attached to it). It has notes on everything from missions, to classes, to day to day life, to saber forms; reminders jotted in the margins about assignments or shopping lists, tic-tac-toe games, riddles Obi-Wan wrote in the corners, hangman games, linguistic notes, drawings, blueprints for lightsabers, botanical notes for plants and flowers he’s pressed... He always means to organize them better, and perhaps does later on, but in the end, it’s hard to present it as anything more than it is: Just a journal. It remains one of the only truthful records of the Jedi Order, though, and he will - after the Empire falls, of course - gladly share its content with anyone who asks. (... Maybe not some of the more covert or dangerous information, though.)

In a happier time, he becomes a knight, and he is very proud of that; years and years later, he becomes a master, as well. I’ve had multiple people suggest he sit on the Council, someday, and I think - when he was older and more experienced - he’d be happy to. He’s a terror about it, always scrutinizing everything he can, but what he does, he does out of love for the Order and those who comprise it, and faith in what they can be.

But above all, the thing he is most proud of at the end of his days - regardless of timeline - are his students, his children, his padawans. Whether his lineage continues on first through Tet (also at @nieithryn) in the ‘canon’ timeline, or he starts first with his puffawan F’lurr ( @strcngered ) before the blueberry son in a happier life and continues on with others like them, he’s so proud of them. He firmly believes they’ll be better than he ever was, and is so glad of that. They make him happy, they frustrate him at times and make him laugh when he thought he couldn’t. Things like watching Tet grow in confidence from the scared little one huddling in the corner of an Imperial ship’s holding bay to a capable and strong diplomat, watching F’lurr sprout and find their stride among some of the best swordsmen the Order has ever known, that’s what shows him everything he’s been through was worth it. (Sorry, T’raa, sorry, Tholme, his dandelion, now.) (Not sorry to the ‘Kosu parents, meet him behind Dex’s at dawn for a shebskicking.) They’re his legacy, they’re the legacy of every Jedi in his own lineage, they’re the legacy of the Order as a whole, and he’s so, so proud of them.

He just really fuckin’ loves his kids, guys. (But I’ve written about that before, and a lot here, so I’ll cut this off before I make my own muse cry.)

#theshaark #long post //#&& as best i can; answers #&& temple archives; headcanons #&& give the sun a head start; ooc #&& scars reveal us; grau tessk #&& rescue each other; braig and tet #&& my favourite flower; braig and flurr #bubbles: hey whats he proud of || me: okay well first we gotta unpack this trauma--#death //#death mention //#ask to tag

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embv · 4 years ago

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/dsmp /rp

Hypothetically, Tommy saying “he doesn’t have much long left” could definitely allude to the revival book not being 100%. We still don’t know the details behind it, after all, like what Dream had to do to actually revive Tommy, or what might happen after the fact as a physical consequence onto Tommy.

However much I find that absolutely intriguing, there’s not a lot of evidence for it, although most my evidence for the following theory I’m about to propose is more so based on circumstantial evidence.

So, in looking at it purely based on facts, no assumptions or jumps, here’s what I think will happen.

Tommy’s plan, as of now, is to break into the prison. Make no mistake, this is what he is rooted entirely on. He’s going to break into the prison to kill Dream.

There is A LOT. And I mean A LOT of room for this plan to go very, very south. Canonically, Dream is malnourished, has been getting tortured for what has to be around a month for every day now, and has probably not exercised one bit since he entered the prison. He will be out of shape. Purely Dream SMP-wise, Tommy has a big chance at killing him.

Obviously, this does not operate the same as for just looking at the Dream SMP as block characters. Unless Dream is able to portray someone weakened and physically weak, he will be the same strength he was before, and obviously better at PVP. Tommy will have weapons and armor, though, so the chance for Dream to fight back against Tommy and live is very, very slim.

Therefore,

There are many possibilities for Tommy’s break-in to the prison, then. If we omit the good possibilities, this is a simplistic, off-my-head list of what could happen.

Tommy can die, again. This one is very slim, however, and I want to say the chance of this happening is near impossible, but it’s still a viable option, so, what can I say?

Dream can revive Wilbur. He may raise Wilbur from the dead, then, and be able to either escape or throw Tommy off enough to postpone it.

Dream can call in that favor from Technoblade. It depends on what Techno does, but the bad option here is that Dream will escape, or will kill Tommy.

Dream could get killed by Tommy. This one is also very slim, not because he doesn’t have a lot of chance to, but because there is no way I could see Dream getting killed off like this, this early.

As for what I see as the most likely, Dream will escape the prison as an effect to Tommy’s break-in. There’s more canon basis to support this, given the sirens at the end of Big Q’s latest big lore stream, signifying that Dream has escaped the prison. There’s little chance Tommy will die, there’s little chance Dream will die, and I can’t see Dream just staying in the prison with all of the build-up. I don’t know exactly how Dream will have escaped prison, then, perhaps with Wilbur coming in by being revived or Technoblade’s favor. Either way, this is the what I see happening the most.

Then, what does Tommy mean when he says that he doesn’t have long left? He’s alluded to this, as in his death, in the context of the Final Disc War, before, and it never really happened, and the chances then are practically equal to now, if not more in Tommy’s favor, but meta-wise if we consider that there’s no way they would just kill Tommy off after everything (especially with the knowledge of revival still with Dream, after all, Dream is far too obsessed with Tommy to let him go).

Tommy knows he won’t die by Dream’s hands. If he does, he’ll be brought back. Retraumatized, but alive. I don’t think this is what he means when he says he won’t have long left.

However, if we consider a possibility where Dream escapes, what will happen to Tommy?

Well, first off, Dream will wreak havoc amongst the server. He’ll start uproars and go after people in acts of revenge and generally just cause destruction, once again.

If we ignore Dream in that narrative, however, and just take it that he escapes the prison, what will happen to Tommy?

Tommy has signed a waiver, in the prison, at least twice now saying that if the prisoner escapes during or after his visit as a direct effect of what happens, anyone is given the permission to hunt him down and kill him for good. This would most certainly include Sam.

I don’t think he’s willing to implicate anyone else not because Dream is dangerous, but because he’s scared of what will happen to them as a direct consequence of what his plan is, and scared of what Sam will do to him.

Perhaps not specifically Sam, as the waiver gives permission for anyone, but I can’t see anyone completely willing to kill Tommy right now, aside from Jack, who would be dead-set on it because of his actions regarding the prison. Either way, Tommy had zoned out as a trauma response to Jack’s shouting at him, so it’s uncertain as to whether or not he fully grasped the gravity of what Jack had been saying. Nonetheless, I think the person in the forefront of his mind would be Sam.

Here’s the thing, then: Tommy knows how much Sam cares about the prison. He knows that Sam prioritizes it over everything, and he knows how serious he is about it all. He even comments during his revival stream here that Sam would absolutely leave him in the prison alone if he thought Dream had escaped and that Tommy was lying to save his skin. Kill him, maybe even.

His plan now is a contradiction to that mindset earlier, that Tommy could not Dream. The thing that was holding him back in the past, however, was that he was terrified of being left alone. He didn’t want to be left alone, with no contact, trapped in the confines of the prison, especially with all of his trauma surrounding it and with his claustrophobia.

He could not have killed Dream while he was in the prison, because he was unsure of what Sam would do and was unsure if he would have been left alone. It was a quick, panicked decision in the moment regardless, right after quite a bit of trauma.

However, Tommy now, he has had time to stew on it, no longer panicking from every hit or cut, to think about what he thinks he needs to do and the possible consequences from what he is going to do, because we all know Tommy does not perform well under pressure, and often makes a lot better decisions afterward, but has still reached the same conclusion, clearly.

Dream needs to die. It doesn’t matter if it’s by Tommy, because it’s not a plot for revenge, but he needs to die. That revive book cannot be used by anyone, and especially not Dream.

But, if Dream manages to escape the prison as a consequence of Tommy breaking in (with withers, might I add, which would definitely be worse than trying to saunter in), then what happens to Tommy?

Again, several possibilities. To name two,

Tommy could be prepared to die here. He’s most likely still careful about Sam, and if we take Sam’s priority of the prison above Dream into question, then he could definitely trap Tommy into the prison, or, like Tommy’s waiver sign says, “give permission for any individual to hunt [him] down and kill [him] until [he is] completely dead.”

He could forever stay on the run in this scenario, which would make his farewell to Tubbo and his fears of “not lasting any longer” understandable.

He knows Sam will gun it for him, and, again, that he will be a definitive target. He’d definitely be afraid of dying here, and, in his mind, the threat of getting caught is ever prevalent, and he could die.

His preparation for death, then, explains why he’s doing about the same thing he did in his VOD of his last night on the SMP. He’s tying up loose ends and trying to get over his trauma so he won’t leave this world with untied knots and so he won’t wander around in limbo with unfinished business or feelings and words never spoken. He’s preparing for a fight in which his death is a certain possibility again, and he’s preparing for it in the same way he did back then.

I’m not sure what Sam would do even if Dream were to die by Tommy’s hands. Sam certainly wants Dream dead, but his warden instincts and priorities may take over his, you know, desires. It’s not entirely stated what he would do in the case that Dream were to die, but I can imagine that the warden side of him would not be very happy with Tommy.

This is all still speculation, of course. The Dream SMP is known for twists and loops, I wouldn’t be surprised if they pulled one last second, but this is generally not a theory on what will happen, although I do delve into that, but more my insight and thoughts about why Tommy claims he doesn’t think he’ll last long.

In the end, though, as a TL;DR, I think Tommy is afraid of the consequences to killing Dream rather than Dream himself, because while he’s the biggest factor for Tommy’s trauma, Dream’s chances at killing Tommy and Tommy staying dead are incredibly low, and no reason for Tommy to claim that he doesn’t have long left.

#tw death mention #tw torture mention #my post #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken #awesamdude #tubbo #dream smp #long post

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lunellumcas · 5 years ago

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Alright friendos, buckle in, cuz I’m about to crack the “we are.” I know you’ve all been seeing the arguments over whether it was romantic or platonic, or, as proxy, whether it was referring to deancas only or all tfw. Let me break down the dialogue a bit, first from the grammatical perspective and then the thematic perspective.

Grammatical breakdown:

What we’re really after is finding out what that last “we” refers to. “We” is a pronoun and, grammatically, it replaces a noun or nouns. To correctly use a pronoun, it must be clear what noun it is replacing. Grammatically that usually means a pronoun’s use requires a noun to directly precede it in the same sentence or the one before, to which it then can reference. But there is no clear antecedent noun acting as referent here, not for a single incidence of “we” in this scene. But there are some *unclear* antecedent nouns—and in order to glean some sort of meaning for the pronoun “we” at the end, then, we can try to trace it back to those nouns previously given. Dean uses the first “we”: “It turns out that we're just hamsters running in a wheel our whole lives. What do we have to show for it, huh?” This “we” is immediately surrounded by “I’m angry” before and “aren’t you angry” after. And in fact, Dean and Cas are the subjects of every sentence so far. And so, although Mary, Jack, and Chuck are mentioned earlier, the only possible explicitly-given referents at this point *grammatically* are actually Dean and Cas. Of course, sometimes irl ppl leave out the referent when they think it’s clear who they are speaking of, so it’s possible Dean’s “we” had a different, subject-changing referent in his mind that he just didn’t share. Factually it could include Sam, since Sam is also in that “hamster” position. If I were editing this writing I would have queried buckleming to write “Sam and I” or “all of us” if they didn’t mean “you and I” in place of the first we. (But unfortunately I don’t get to edit their scripts). And then of course, there’s the issue of whether or not the referent changes from each “we” to “we.” It’s possible that buckleming just don’t know how to construct a sentence and that the first “we” means dean and Sam, the middle “we”s mean tfw, and the last “we” means dean and Cas and just not a single one of them has a named referent like they are supposed to. What we do know is that dean and Cas both use “we” and they seem to be responding pretty directly to each other, so it’s likely the “we”s (especially from Cas’s “we” on) are referring to, at minimum, Dean and Cas. If Dean’s original “we” was referring to Dean and Sam and/or Cas then it is possible that all the following “we”s are dean, Cas, and Sam, but it’s not guaranteed. Technically, if Sam is a referent at all, he should be explicitly named. But Sam’s name is no where in the conversation, and he has almost no subtextual presence besides the fact of chuck’s manipulation of them all. So, though factually it could include Sam, grammatically and *thematically* for the scene the referent seems to be (either only or in most significant part) dean and Cas. Thematic breakdown: Every other bit of the conversation is basically entirely about Dean’s feelings and Cas’s feelings: Cas enters the room and starts the conversation: “I recognize that I dropped the puck.” This sentence is about cas and dean (Sam isn’t mad at cas for this, and this narratively excludes him) and it sets up the scene to be about Cas and Dean.

Cas sought Dean out to say this, to bring up Dean’s feelings about him. To what end? Well, let’s look at what happened to Cas right before this: The townspeople confronted him with “You said you'd keep us safe.” Oof. That’s a real Cas hot-button if I ever saw one. And there’s a direct line to be drawn here on a character level because of that hot-button issue. I think it’s safe to explore the possibilities of Cas going to Dean (as opposed to Sam) to try to address his own worries concerning this: He couldn’t keep Mary safe, he couldn’t keep jack safe. He can’t keep Dean and Sam safe, and after all, isn’t that his job? And, perhaps he’s realizing he can’t keep himself safe. He’s being hurt and he doesn’t know what to do. So he goes to Dean to fix it, to say please stop hurting me. Or else he goes to dean to admit that he feels he’s lost his job, his reason for staying, his place with the Winchesters, and that he doesn’t know what his place is now, but he wants to try to find out. Only Dean isn’t receptive. So, on with the dialogue breakdown: “Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we've lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck. So maybe you can stick your head back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice. I can't.” “Dean. You asked, ‘What about all of this is real?’ We are.” I find “we are” oddly ambiguous, not just in who “we” references, but in what “we” being “real” means. Like, for example, I don’t believe he meant the “we are” as in “you exist and I exist” or even also “Sam exists” in general. And IMO it doesn’t make sense to be returning Dean’s “our choices aren’t real” with a “yes they are real,” Not in this format. So it’s not that. Literally the only thing I can think of that makes sense is “our choices aren’t real” “but our love is.” He’s clearly talking about relationships, and that can be platonic or romantic, but it’s about relationships, and mostly this one in particular. So I think people are correct in interpreting the “we are” as Cas saying “Our relationship is real. My relationship with you and your relationship with me.” HOWEVER, I do think that he meant by extension that all of Dean’s relationships with everyone are real. IMO there is a clear element of “everybody” in the ambiguous “we” in the sense that “If our relationship is real, that means all relationships are real, and that makes everything ok and then you can be happy, and then you can love me again.” But even if everyone is a part of it, the main focus *is* Dean and Cas’s relationship together. I think there’s a reason people are picking up on this conversation being intensely and specifically personal (and it’s not destiel goggles). It’s the same reason this was the best scene in the episode. Because this scene actually carries the tension over from the last episode, and it does so by successfully (well, semi-successfully) bringing in the subtext of their relationship. Even if Cas meant to extend the “we are” sentiment to everyone, he was very much centering the actual discussion on himself, which is very interesting. I’ll explain why I think that: During this whole conversation, cas knows dean is mad at him. Normally when he wants to make dean feel better, he talks about Sam by name. And when he knows dean is mad at him, it makes sense for him to fall back on that and get dean to focus on what he isn’t mad at—Sam—in order to give him hope. But instead of taking himself out of the equation like that in order to remind dean of happier things to cheer Dean up, Cas is trying desperately to put himself back in and to force dean to see that Cas himself is one of the happy things. This explains Cas’s observable nervousness and hesitation, I think, because he doesn’t often put himself out there in that way. This is a huge step forward for destiel AND FOR CAS. (While I don’t think Cas or the writers meant it as an explicitly romantic confession, I do think it’s very significant.) Cas is trying to center Dean’s feelings on himself. To make himself feel better by making dean feel better about him. That’s a very human thing to do, to try to expunge your own insecurities by trying to expunge somebody else’s. It’s the mark of a tense situation, and a very desperate something inside Cas. I do think Cas genuinely wants dean to be happy, but I don’t think that was his true “objective” here in this scene, in terms an actor would understand. The objective Misha played seemed to me more about the deancas relationship, in the sense that Cas was trying to use their relationship to make Dean happy *with him specifically*, and failing that success, to gauge Dean’s feelings about him and his place with Dean. And that’s why the scene felt so pointedly deancas even if the language itself can be considered general. The deancas undercurrent was there for me throughout the whole scene, particularly thanks to Misha’s acting—and there was one instance of this that really stuck out to me: Dean says “I’m angry . . . at all of it.” And in response, Cas goes “at all of it?” The way he played that nearly knocked the breath out of me. The response imo had a very insecure and weedling “at me? Even me? Still me?” sense to it, reminding the audience that there are layers and layers to this conversation, going beyond the chuck problem and going deep into relationship insecurities that belong to dean and Cas and them alone. And the relationship insecurities are especially overbearing if you incorporate Cas’s part in the rest of the episode: Cas isn’t really that interested this episode in helping the boys do what they think needs to be done, or in making them feel better about what they’re doing. He wants to do things differently. He seems to feel shutout and like they’re not letting him have a place or a say. This came out throughout Cas’s presence in the ep. Sam shut him down verbally more than once. Dean walked out on him. He was notably absent most of the time. And throughout the whole episode Cas was visibly frustrated. Frustrated that no one is listening to the townspeople (him), frustrated that no one is addressing the townspeople’s (his) feelings of fear, frustration, loss. It’s a big mirror for what he himself is feeling subjected to at the Winchesters’ hands. No one seems to value him anymore, and no one seems to want the type of value that he wants to give. (They want him to fill the support role he usually does, the healing—which he was unable to do—and the protecting—which he did absolutely none of this episode. He wants something else. ~whatever could it be? 🧐~) All of this together is an interesting development for Cas. Cas is not being as rational here as he usually is. Think about it, his greatest fear (as stated at the end of last season) is coming true—That by losing Jack he has lost Dean (and Sam). This “we are” scene is him reaching out a hand as he slips from the cliff to a place he thinks he can’t come back from--the Dean Doesn’t Love Me abyss. He hasn’t given up yet, but come The Rupture, he will. People may disagree with this, but I’ve always thought that buckleming write Cas better than they do any other character. It may not seem like it bc they’re so bad but I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt and saying they set this up this way on purpose, or that at least Misha picked up on it and played to that through line. And even if not, I still think this interpretation makes the most sense from Castiel’s point of view.

#castiel #destiel #spn 15x02 #my spn meta #destiel meta #raising hell #we are

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