#gender: a graphic guide

[considermycat]

“What would happen if gender creativity was celebrated, not punished? If trans people were seen as a gift to those around them, prompting them to reflect on their own genders and lives too?”

Travis Alabanza, quoted in Gender: A Graphic Guide by Meg-John Barker and Jules Scheele, p.144

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Mirion Malle’s “So Long Sad Love”

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

In Mirion Malle's So Long Sad Love, a graphic novel from Drawn and Quarterly, we get an all-too-real mystery story: when do you trust the whisper network that carries the fragmentary, elliptical word of shitty men?

https://drawnandquarterly.com/books/so-long-sad-love/

Cleo is a French comics creator who's moved to Montreal, in part to be with Charles, a Quebecois creator who helps her find a place in the city's tight-knit artistic scene. The relationship feels like a good one, with the normal ups and downs, but then Cleo travels to a festival, where she meets Farah, a vivacious and talented fellow artist. They're getting along great…until Farah discovers who Cleo's boyfriend is. Though Farah doesn't say anything, she is visibly flustered and makes her excuses before hurriedly departing.

This kicks off Cleo's hunt for the truth about her boyfriend, a hunt that is complicated by the fact that she's so far from home, that her friends are largely his friends, that he flies off the handle every time she raises the matter, and by her love for him.

There's a term for men like Charles: a "missing stair." "Missing stair" is a metaphor for someone in a social circle who presents some kind of persistent risk to the people around them, who is accommodated rather than confronted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_stair

The metaphor goes like this: you're at a party and every time someone asks where the bathroom is, another partygoer directs them to the upper floor and warns them that one of the stairs is missing, and if they don't avoid that tread, they will fall through and be gravely injured. In this metaphor, a whole community of people have tacitly decided to simply accept the risk that someone who is forgetful or new to the scene will fall through the stair – no one has come forward to just fix that stair.

The origins of this term are in BDSM circles, and the canonical "missing stair" is a sexual predator, but from the outset, it's referred to all kinds of people with failings that present some source of frustration or unhappiness to those around them, from shouters to bigots to just someone who won't help do the dishes after a dinner party:

https://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/06/missing-stair.html

We all know a few missing stairs, and anyone who's got even a little self-reflexivity must wonder from time to time if they're not also a missing stair, at least to some people in their lives. After all, friendship always entails some accommodation, and doubly so love – as Dan Savage is fond of saying, "There is no person who is 'The One' for you – the best you can hope for is the '0.6' that you can round up to 'The One,' with a lot of work."

And at least some missing stairs aren't born – they're made. Everyone screws up, everyone's got some bad habits, everyone's got some blind spots about what others expect of them and how others perceive us. When the people around us make bad calls about whether to let us skate on our faults and when to confront us, those faults fester and multiply and calcify. This is compounded in long-tenured relationships that begin in our youth, when we are still figuring out our boundaries – the people who we give a pass to when we're young and naive can become a fixture in our lives despite characteristics that, as adults, we wouldn't tolerate in someone who is new to our social scene.

To make all this even more complicated, there's the role that power plays in all this. Many missing stairs are keenly attuned to power dynamics and present a different face to people who have some authority – whether formal or tacit �� to sanction them. This is why so many of the outings of #MeToo predators provoked mystified men to say, "Gosh, they never acted that way around me – I had no idea."

These men aren't necessarily clueless. There's a predator who once traveled in my circles, and when he was outed, it wasn't just men who were shocked. My professional and personal life includes a large cohort of socially and professionally powerful women to whom this "missing stair" presented an impeccable face on every occasion. None of the people this guy looked up to ever witnessed his behavior firsthand, and for complicated reasons, none of the lower status (younger, less experienced, and not exclusively female) people whom he preyed upon came to us.

Which brings me back to Cleo and Charles, and the mystery of what Charles did to Farah in art school, many years before. The people in Charles's circle have an explanation: Farah was Charles's first heavy crush, and he courted her in ways that crossed the line into harassment. But – according to Charles's friends – this was a temporary condition that Charles outgrew, and it was only later, when Charles was in a healthier relationship with someone who reciprocated his affections, that Farah retaliated by attacking him to their small art-school circle.

This is just plausible enough – Charles was young, still figuring stuff out, he made a misstep – that Cleo is able to console herself with it. But as Charles grows more irritable and belittling of her, and as Cleo's friends gently encourage her to dig further rather than burying her lingering doubts, a much uglier truth comes into view.

Malle handles this all so deftly, showing how Cleo and her friends all play archetypal roles in the recurrent missing stair dynamic. It's a beautifully told story, full of charm and character, but it's also a kind of forensic re-enactment of a disaster, told from an intermediate distance that's close enough to the action that we can see the looming crisis, but also understand why the people in its midst are steering straight into it.

This transitions into a third act where Cleo leaves Montreal and finds herself in the midst a very different social dynamic of people who have figured out a far healthier way to manage their interpersonal problems. This short conclusion is powerfully satisfying, showing how it's possible to live without missing stairs and without the immediate expulsion of anyone who has a "problematic" moment.

The missing stair phenomenon would be so much easier to deal with if every missing stair started out as an irredeemable monster. We could fix all those stairs and declare ourselves done. But – as Malle illustrates – there's a reason it's so hard to fix those missing stairs. Every good friendship has some give and take – but every missing stair takes too much. Knowing the difference is a skill you learn through hard experience, not one you're born with. Learning when to call someone out, and when to call them in, is a hard curriculum – and it's even harder to know when to keep trying to help the people in your life be better selves, and when to protect the other people in your life from their worst selves.

Malle's book is packed with subtlety and depth, romance and heartbreak, subtext that carries through the dialog (in marvelous translation from the original French by Aleshia Jensen) and the body language in Malle's striking artwork.

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/25/missing-stair/#the-fog-of-love

[haveyoureadthistransbook]

A Quick & Easy Guide to Queer & Trans Identities by Mady G. and J.R. Zuckerberg

goodreads

In this quick and easy guide to queer and trans identities, cartoonists Mady G and JR Zuckerberg guide you through the basics of the LGBT+ world! Covering essential topics like sexuality, gender identity, coming out, and navigating relationships, this guide explains the spectrum of human experience through informative comics, interviews, worksheets, and imaginative examples. A great starting point for anyone curious about queer and trans life, and helpful for those already on their own journeys!

Mod opinion: I haven't heard of this book before, but it sounds like an interesting intro for people who don't know a lot about queer and trans identities.

[ozzgin]

Girl I love Daitou but I'm ngl I need more of Yazuya😭 if you can, can you write headcanons about him please? I'd appreciate it thank you <3

Yandere!Yakuza x Reader Headcanons

Ultimate dating guide and palate cleanser featuring the gangster boys (Kazuya and Daitou). For those that have been left hanging for proper romance.

Content: gender neutral reader, mildly NSFW

Tags: @swagbucksjester @lucienbarkbark @moonieper @nu-vino @vee-love @tamaki-simp @pinkazelma

[Yakuza Masterlist]

Kazuya

Kazuya was raised in a brothel, surrounded by women, so he is much more knowledgeable than the average man when it comes to feminine matters. Similar to someone who grew up having sisters, you can talk to him about anything and everything and not only will he be empathetic towards your problems, but he might offer tips and tricks you didn’t even know about. Not too shocking when he’s already heard multiple variations of whatever is bothering you.

The downside to his upbringing is that intercourse has always felt terribly transactional to him. He has a hard time associating it with intimate relationships. He will flirt a lot with you, but despite all the sexual innuendos, he won’t actually do anything until later in the relationship. He struggles with the irrational worry that sex will somehow taint the quality of your bond, making it feel cheap. Dating you has helped him realize that such things can be done out of love as well.

He is extremely affectionate and well mannered when dealing with you. Which may sometimes cause you to forget there’s a reason him and Daitou are good friends. While he isn’t as ill-tempered as his younger self, it doesn’t take much to anger him still. It’s a rare occurrence for you to witness it, but when he has it out for someone, he nearly matches Daitou in ruthlessness. He's very prideful and protective and will not hesitate to crush whoever challenges him or messes with you.

If you have a group of (girl)friends, you can confidently bring him with you with the only risk being that he’ll steal your spotlight. He can charismatically slide his way into any kind of conversation and you can hardly believe that this is the same man cracking gross jokes over his latest murder to his fellow criminal buddies. You might consider him a social chameleon, having no trouble adapting to any environment.

Smokes like a chimney and you have to slap the cigarette out of his hand sometimes because he’ll just light one up anywhere (including your bedroom).

Now this one is for the ones that are into it: God forbid you accidentally call him Daddy because he’ll ride that high until the end of time. He loves the idea and will tease about it with every opportunity. “Terrible weather today. Should Daddy drive you to work instead?”, or “Is that any way to talk to Daddy?” for when you’re out in public.

Daitou

One neat detail about being with Daitou is that you get to see a lot of things you took for granted in a new light. Whatever you assumed was a common experience for everyone, like having a picnic or going to the amusement park, is utterly foreign to him. He was raised by the Yakuza and barely interacted with anyone before meeting Kazuya; civilian past times were never presented to him. So you get to witness his shocked and delighted expression as he tries all these things with you.

Thankfully you don’t have to worry about teaching him the…intimate aspects of a relationship. Kazuya has that covered. And Daitou seems to be a rather fast learner, because he’s incredibly gentle and careful with you. Part of it is due to his own fear of messing it up. He’s only ever been good at breaking and killing people. Despite that, he loves you so much. He has to be the best boyfriend for your sake. Surely these hands of his can do more than just damage.

He might actually be a little too eager to learn the ropes. More than once you’ve walked in on him reading a graphic manga and nearly choked, mumbling an apology for interrupting his…activity. He’ll look at you with a confused expression, completely unbothered and wondering why you’re so embarrassed. He was flipping through the pages for ideas, given he’s never had any kind of experience himself. Ah. That explains the random kinky gestures he’s started doing without shame or doubt. You’ll have to do some tweaking in the near future.

This may come as a surprise, but Daitou is exceptionally good at household chores like cleaning and cooking. Registering with the Yakuza involves a mandatory apprenticeship of several years where you do menial tasks for your higher ups. Additionally, the time he served in jail has left him with a lot of discipline and organization. Somewhere between adorable and comical is how you’d describe the sight of him kneeling on the floor and carefully folding the kitchen towels while waiting for the stew to simmer.

Daitou isn’t exactly what you’d traditionally call jealous. His only frame of reference is Boss, thus he will treat you with the same kind of loyalty and dedication. You wouldn’t expect a mere nobody to walk up to the Head of the Family, so anyone approaching you will, similarly, be violently kept away until their intentions are clear. You are his most prized possession, after all. He’d do anything for you.

[life-of-an-asexual]

Asexual Non-Fiction

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen

An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that's obsessed with sexual attraction, and what we can all learn about desire and identity by using an ace lens to see the world. Through interviews, cultural criticism, and memoir, ACE invites all readers to consider big-picture issues through the lens of asexuality, because every place that sexuality touches our world, asexuality does too.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker

In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.

How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess

In this brave, hilarious and empowering graphic memoir, we follow Rebecca as they navigate a culture obsessed with sex—from being bullied at school and trying to fit in with friends, to forcing themself into relationships and experiencing anxiety and OCD—before coming to understand and embrace their asexual identity.

A Quick & Easy Guide to Asexuality by Molly Mulldoon and Will Hernandez

Writer Molly Muldoon and cartoonist Will Hernandez, both in the ace community, are here to shed light on society’s misconceptions of asexuality and what being ace is really like. This book is for anyone who wants to learn about asexuality, and for Ace people themselves, to validate their experiences. Asexuality is a real identity and it’s time the world recognizes it. Here’s to being invisible no more! 

Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives edited by Karli June Cerankowski and Megan Milks

As the first book-length collection of critical essays ever produced on the topic of asexuality, this book serves as a foundational text in a growing field of study. It also aims to reshape the directions of feminist and queer studies, and to radically alter popular conceptions of sex and desire. Including units addressing theories of asexual orientation; the politics of asexuality; asexuality in media culture; masculinity and asexuality; health, disability, and medicalization; and asexual literary theory, Asexualities will be of interest to scholars and students in sexuality, gender, sociology, cultural studies, disability studies, and media culture.

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown

In this exploration of what it means to be Black and asexual in America today, Sherronda J. Brown offers new perspectives on asexuality. She takes an incisive look at how anti-Blackness, white supremacy, patriarchy, heteronormativity, and capitalism enact harm against asexual people, contextualizing acephobia within a racial framework in the first book of its kind. A necessary and unapologetic reclamation, Refusing Compulsory Sexuality is smart, timely, and an essential read for asexuals, aromantics, queer readers, and anyone looking to better understand sexual politics in America.

I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life by Cody Daigle-Orians

Within these pages lie all the advice you need as a questioning ace teen. Tackling everything from what asexuality is, the asexual spectrum and tips on coming out, to intimacy, relationships, acephobia and finding joy, this guide will help you better understand your asexual identity alongside deeply relatable anecdotes drawn from Cody's personal experience. Whether you are ace, demi, gray-ace or not sure yet, this book will give you the courage and confidence to embrace your authentic self and live your best ace life.

Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace by Eris Young

Drawing upon interviews with a wide range of people across the asexual spectrum, Eris Young is here to take you on an empowering, enriching journey through the rich multitudes of asexual life. With chapters spanning everything from dating, relationships and sex, to mental and emotional health, family, community and joy, the inspirational stories and personal experiences within these pages speak to aces living and loving in unique ways. Find support amongst the diverse narratives of aces sex-repulsed and sex-favourable, alongside voices exploring what it means to be black and ace, to be queer and ace, or ace and multi-partnered - and use it as a springboard for your own ace growth.

Asexual Erotics: Intimate Readings of Compulsory Sexuality by Ela Przybylo

Through a wide-ranging analysis of pivotal queer, feminist, and anti-racist movements; television and film; art and photography; and fiction, nonfiction, and theoretical texts, each chapter explores asexual erotics and demonstrates how asexuality has been vital to the formulation of intimate ways of knowing and being. Asexual Erotics assembles a compendium of asexual possibilities that speaks against the centralization of sex and sexuality, asking that we consider the ways in which compulsory sexuality is detrimental not only to asexual and nonsexual people but to all.

Ace Notes by Michele Kirichanskaya

As an ace or questioning person in an oh-so-allo world, you're probably in desperate need of a cheat sheet. Covering everything from coming out, explaining asexuality and understanding different types of attraction, to marriage, relationships, sex, consent, gatekeeping, religion, ace culture and more, this is the ultimate arsenal for whatever the allo world throws at you.

Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project

Join the The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) for a deep dive into the process of discovering and embracing your ace and aro identities. Empower yourself to explore the nuances of your identity, find and develop support networks, explore different kinds of partnership, come out to your communities and find real joy within. Combining a rigorous exploration of identity and sexuality models with hundreds of candid and poignant testimonials - this companion vouches for your personal truth, wherever you lie on the aspec spectrum.

Sounds Fake But Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca

Drawing on Sarah and Kayla's personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex - when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

[daizymax]

wondrous | lmh (m)

summary: pregnancy is strange and uncomfortable and even kind of gross, but your loving husband is always willing to show you just how desirable and wonderful you are.

pairing: lee know x fem reader

genre: smut

word count: 5.3k

rating: mature (18+)

warnings & features: profanity; pregnancy; some body insecurities; binary gender talk; graphic sexual content; pregnant sex; dirty talk; lactation kink; creampie

author’s note: rewritten for stray kids and reuploaded from my old blog. hope you enjoy!

{ click here if you prefer to read on AO3 }

---

Slamming the car door with more force than necessary is childish, and if your husband were here, he would probably tell you so. Well, maybe not in such blatant terms. First, he would probably ask you to explain what led you to such pissy behavior, and your answer would be that you’re frustrated and out of patience.

You hate that your patience is in such short supply these days. You know you are going to need all of it and then some when the baby comes.

You rest one of your hands on the crest of your bulging stomach and sigh softly. “I’m sorry,” you say to the ever-growing baby within. “I guess you might need to be patient with me, too, if it’s not too much to ask.”

The tears well up unbidden. That happens often lately with your hormones on the fritz. Evidently something as mundane as a shopping trip to the mall is enough to upset you nowadays. Then your mind dwells on how you should be grateful to be in a position to buy the things you want and need whenever you want, and that only makes you sob harder.

You allow the silly little breakdown to run its course, knowing it will be better to sit and let it out now before you drive home.

After a few minutes, you sniffle and wipe your wet cheeks in shame. After a couple more minutes of deep breaths, when you are certain you are stable enough to drive, you start the engine.

The commute home gives you some time to decompress, and the sight of Minho’s car in the driveway lifts your spirits. He told you this morning that he might have to work late this evening — which was fine by you since it translated to having more money for the pending expenses of birthing and raising a child — but having him home is even better.

A loud clang and a muttered curse greet you as you enter the front door. It may not be a polite reaction, but you can’t help but smile at whatever your husband is struggling with in the kitchen. You sling your shopping bags onto the couch and go to rescue him.

Minho is bent over at the waist, rummaging through a bottom cabinet with his backside to you. You take a moment to ogle the fit of his jeans appreciatively before making your presence known.

“Hi honey, need some help?”

He flinches and whirls around. “Heyyy, doll! I didn’t hear you come in.” He hastily combs his fingers through his smooth brown hair as if to compose himself for you.

“That’s because you were busy tearing down the kitchen, from the sound of it,” you laugh.

He does not even dispute your joke. He just groans in frustration and kicks his foot out behind him to close the cabinet. “Where do we keep the rice cooker? I swear I’ve looked everywhere.”

“Did you look here?” You pull open the correct cabinet near your calves and squat down to retrieve it. He rushes to stop you.

“Hey, hey, let me get it.” He comes over and crouches with you only to put his hands on your hips and guide you back up with him. “You shouldn’t exert yourself. I have a bun in that oven, lady.”

You snort loudly. “Don’t I know it. My whole day was an over-exertion, though. I think I can handle stooping over to grab the rice cooker.”

“Oh?” His face becomes concerned, eyebrows wrinkling and pink lips pouting adorably. His hands begin sliding up and down along your sides. “What was wrong with your day?”

“Oh, I’ve just decided I hate shopping for maternity clothes now,” you say, sighing heavily. The statement is so frivolous it makes you cringe, but the rest of your unimportant complaints come flooding out anyway. “They’re all so unflattering, not to mention it’s so uncomfortable trying them on. Getting undressed and redressed is such a pain in the ass. It’s like a whole fucking workout now, I swear to god.”

“Ah, I bet. Poor thing,” Minho says without a trace of condescension to his tone, and you envy his patience. He pulls you in for a hug in his strong arms, and your swollen stomach bumps against his flat one.

Inspired by his understanding, you continue unburdening your rather meaningless worries into his shoulder. “It was so crowded, too. I hate how everyone stares at me all the time just because I’m pregnant. And I especially hate when other parents come up to me and give me advice or tell me stories about their own pregnancies, like I fucking asked.”

Minho laughs and massages his fingertips into the back of your head. “I think they’re just trying to be kind and helpful. They only mean well.”

“Yeah, well, it’s also super annoying.”

“Sorry. What can I do to help?”

You shake your head and step back from him. “Right now I just want to shower and change my clothes. I’m not kidding about that ‘workout.’ I’ve been sweating for hours and I feel disgusting right now. The boob sweat is strong under this sweater right now.”

“Well, we’ve got a towel right here.” He whips the dish towel off the handle of the stove with a flourish and holds it up with a cheeky grin. “Let me help you.”

You laugh. “You want to dry my boobs off with that?”

“It’s clean!”

“Don’t be silly.”

“You’ll be glad for my silliness when our baby comes,” he says, dropping the towel to start tickling you mercilessly.

Your stomach muscles heave with your fit of giggles, and the baby starts kicking to join in on the commotion.

“Ah! No t-tickling, damnit! The b-baby doesn’t like it.”

“No?” Minho stops his playful torment and cups your stomach on either side. It only takes a second for him to feel what you mean. “I think maybe she does.”

“Or he. The baby could be a boy, you know.”

The two of you have decided to keep the gender a surprise until the birth, but that does not stop your husband from speculating.

“Could be,” he says a bit dismissively. He kneels down on the tiled floor so his face is level with your belly-button, which has recently begun to protrude outwards like the rest of you.

He runs his fingers along the surface of your stretched sweater and says quietly, “I just have a hunch that it’s a girl. She’s feisty, like you.” He places a sweet kiss on the top of your belly, then speaks directly to it. “Sorry about the tickling, sweet baby girl. Daddy was just making Mommy laugh to help make her feel better. I have something else that might make her feel better, though.”

“What is it?” you ask.

“Come on, I’ll show you.”

Minho interlocks his fingers with yours and leads you up the stairs — which have become quite the strain on your knees lately — and to the baby’s room.

The moment he pushes open the door, you see exactly what he means. The crib now resembles a crib and not a scattering of wooden pieces strewn around the floor the way they had been for weeks. The inside is lined with blankets and stuffed animals, and the mobile you chose is hanging above it. It could hardly be more picturesque.

With this, the nursery is complete. The painting had been finished a couple months ago, and the other pieces of necessary and decorative furniture have been set in their places for quite some time as well.

“Wow, you actually finished it?” you say. “How did you have time to do that after work today?”

“You were gone for longer than you realize,” he says, chuckling. “I took half the day off to come home and surprise you, but you weren’t here, so I decided to surprise you with this instead.”

“Consider me surprised,” you say with a smile. You squeeze his hand before letting go and walking over to the crib. You give the rail a little shake to test the sturdiness of your husband’s handiwork, and your eyebrows raise in satisfaction at the result.

“I only had to start all over again once,” Minho says proudly, sidling up beside you and gliding a hand along the small of your back to rest on your hip. His thumb traces little circles into it.

“You did a great job,” you say, turning in his hold to wrap your arms around his waist in return, albeit with a bit of difficulty due to your belly getting in the way.

“Glad you like it.” He leans forward to plant a kiss on your forehead, then your nose, then down to your chin, then back up to your mouth. You smile and chase after his lips when he pulls away, and he laughs as he kisses you again. “Come on, let’s sit for a bit and get you off your feet. Dinner and a shower can wait a little while longer.” He moves over to the rocking chair in the corner and takes a seat, then pats his lap invitingly.

“Min, I’ll crush you,” you say with a shake of your head.

He shakes his head right back. “Oh, stop it. No you won’t. You’re not that heavy, and I’m not that fragile.”

He starts beckoning you by stretching his arms out and repeatedly opening and closing his hands. The action is irresistibly cute, so you relent. You toe off your shoes and go to sit on his proposed seat. You try not to rest too much weight on him as you sit on his knee, but he ruins your position by taking your hips and dragging you further up his muscular thigh.

“Put your legs up on me,” he says. “If it’s not too uncomfortable for you, I mean.”

You do as he says and turn sideways to hoist your legs over his other thigh. Minho holds onto your knee with one hand and wraps his other arm behind your back to keep you in place.

“There we go. Is this okay?” he asks.

You shift and wiggle until your back is relatively comfortable. “I think so. Are you okay?”

He smiles and squeezes you reassuringly. “I’ve got my beautiful wife on my lap... we’re sitting right where we’ll be rocking our baby when she — or he — is born... I’d say I’m pretty perfect.”

You take his word for it and sigh in content, leaning into him and resting your head in the crook of his neck. He lays his cheek against your head and pushes his feet off the floor to begin gently rocking the chair as it was intended.

For a few moments, the two of you sit and rock in silence until Minho begins humming softly. Something mellow and baritone. The melody is one you recognize, but the lyrics to that particular song elude you. You’ll ask him about it later. Right now, the vibrations from his throat and the steady thrum of his heartbeat are lulling you peacefully. The faint scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body seep comfortably into your skin.

You tilt your face up to kiss his throat appreciatively for the comfort he is providing. He hums out of tune at your gentle touch, and you kiss him there again. This time you take a bit of his flesh into your mouth with a delicate suck, and he hisses in a short breath. His reaction spurs you to do it again, and then again, until the honey skin is left pink from the teasing.

“Mm, that feels really good, babe,” Minho murmurs. The pet name makes your heart flutter a bit; it was used so frequently at the start of your relationship, but over the years it has become a bit more rare. It makes you feel a little sexy, even in your sweaty, bloated, and achy state.

“Yeah? Should I keep going?” you ask. Your lips ghost over his neck, and your fingers begin trailing down the center of his chest.

“Please.” There is a slight rasp to the syllable that makes you feel proud considering you have barely even done anything to him.

Your fingers find the hems of his sweater and white t-shirt and begin tugging at them. “Do you mind if I take these off?”

“Not at all.” He shrugs out of his cardigan then lifts his arms so you can have the honor of pulling up his shirt to toss it aside. The taut muscles in his chest and abdomen twitch as your fingertips graze them. Before you get to the waistband of his jeans, Minho takes your wandering fingers and stops you.

“Wait,” he says. You look at him curiously. “You said you had a rough day. I should take care of you.”

“Oh? How so?”

“Well, I figured I could start by getting you out of your clothes, and then we can see where things lead.”

Sex with your husband has been infrequent over the course of your thirty-week pregnancy so far, but it has occurred. The doctor assured you there are no complication risks involved, even when this far along. Your pregnancy is perfectly healthy, and sex is not harmful to the baby, so you and Minho are free to continue your normal sex life.

The problem is you don’t always feel up for sex. Between your various aches and the increasing challenge of finding a comfortable position, you sometimes have to wonder if an orgasm is really worth the trouble. But it has been a while since your last release, and you trust Minho to be caring and attentive, so you nod in agreement.

He guides you to stand up from his lap, and you allow him to remove your shirt. The sheen of sweat that has been building for the greater part of the afternoon is made even more apparent when the open air meets it.

“Ugh, I still feel gross,” you mutter under your breath. The inkling of sexiness you felt just moments ago is already gone.

“You don’t look gross,” Minho says. He scans you from head to toe before settling his gaze on your chest. “Will you take your bra off for me, please?”

You hesitate a few seconds, then unhook the restrictive garment and shrug out of it to let it drop to the floor. The moment it is gone, Minho reaches out to grasp your hips and slide his hands up along the expanse of your stomach. His warm, tender touch sends a shiver through you, and the baby begins fidgeting again. Your husband must feel it, too, because he smiles up at you brightly.

“God, how did I get so lucky? You are so beautiful.” His tone carries real sincerity. “Especially with your body like this, carrying our child. You’re so fucking… wonderful.”

You automatically let out an unflattering snort of self-consciousness as you think of the new stretch marks striping your breasts, hips, and stomach. You can’t even bring yourself to look at them right now.

“I mean it. It’s true,” he insists. His eyes drop to your bare stomach to look at what you will not. “It’s amazing how you’re able to grow a baby inside of you, just because I came in you.”

There is laughter in your breathy exhale. “Gee, you make it sound so sexy, Min.”

“But it is sexy. You’re growing hands and feet and… eyes inside your womb right now, this very moment.”

You wrinkle your nose. “That doesn’t sound sexy at all. It sounds scientific.”

“Yeah, but it’s also kind of magical, isn’t it? And just think about it: you’ll be able to feed the baby with your body, too…” Minho folds his bottom lip between his teeth for a second as he studies your chest with great interest. “Just look at these perfect tits, getting all swollen with milk for our baby.”

He starts to squeeze, lift, and massage your breasts reverently, completely undeterred by the stickiness coated on the undersides of them from your sweat. A quiet moan rumbles up from your throat.

Even though he is being gentle, the stimulation is still enough to make your nipples begin discharging a thick fluid that is slightly yellow in color. The sight of it kind of embarrasses you, even though it is completely natural. Your doctor explained that it is the “pre milk” before your body begins producing normal breast milk after the birth.

“Min…” you fret with a nervous giggle. You peel his hands away and take a step back from him.

“It’s okay, babe,” he says. He stands up and rearranges your hands so that he is the one holding yours. “It’s just your body, don’t be ashamed. I told you, you’re beautiful. You’re wonderful. You’re amazing.”

He lifts the heavy mounds on your chest again and presses them together as if to get a better view of the wetness seeping from them. He swipes his thumbs over both of your wet nipples, then casually sticks one of his thumbs in his mouth as if he has done this many times before.

“Mm, tastes sweet,” he says.

“Does it?”

“Yeah. Can I… do you think I could...” He trails off in a puff that sounds like he is the one who’s embarrassed. Eventually, he blurts, “I want to try some more.”

“What, you want to actually… drink it?” you ask. The notion surprises you, and you want to make sure you are understanding him correctly.

“I’d like to try, if you’re comfortable with that. I just want to appreciate your body in every way.”

Minho rolls a sensitive pebble between his thumb and forefinger as he waits for your reply.

After another second, you nod your consent, and he flashes you a toothy smile before he latches his mouth directly onto your nipple. The touch of his soft lips coupled with the tip of his tongue makes you gasp in pleasure. Goosebumps break out over your skin as he suckles delicately. You have to admit the sensation of the fluid flowing from your nipple is oddly satisfying, and the wet suction sound Minho is creating is more than a little erotic. Heat starts to pool between your legs to dampen your panties.

“Is this okay?” he asks you again, peering up at your face as he switches to the other tit. When his tongue takes the nipple in between his lips, you notice it is coated with a milky sheen.

“Yeah, it… it actually feels really good,” you confess. Without consciously choosing to do it, your thighs press together to apply some pressure to your clit. Even with your stomach in the way, Minho’s smirk tells you he does not miss the action.

“Are you wet down there between your legs, too?”

“Yes.”

“Dripping?”

“Mm…”

“I want to feel.”

“Be my guest,” you invite. He goes to slip his hand past the waistband of your pants, but you quickly instruct, “Just take them off.”

He does not need to be told twice. He detaches from your breast and yanks your pants down to your ankles. You steady yourself on his shoulders as you pull your feet free.

“Panties, too,” you add, but his fingers are already hooking into them.

Once they are shed, Minho takes his time running his warm hands back up your calves to your inner thighs, spreading your legs just a little wider than hip-width apart. He wastes no more time in dipping the pads of three fingers along your slit. The slickness he finds there has both of you groaning lowly.

“You are wet. Is this all because I sucked a little milk from your tits?”

A slow smile grows across your face. “Maybe.”

“Should I suck some more?”

“I don’t think there’s much in there at a time yet, honestly,” you tell him rather seriously. “Not until after the baby is born.”

He hums in understanding. “That’s okay, babe. I’ll settle for eating your pussy, if that’s alright,” he says, sinking two knuckles inside you.

“J-Jesus, Min. Y-yeah. Please.”

He grins, drawing his fingers back a little just to shove them in forcefully. “Alright. Have a seat for me,” he says. He removes his fingers from you and slides them into his mouth for the taste of something else. He really does adore all parts of you.

The rocking chair tips backwards when you settle into it, which only improves the access Minho has to your pussy. He makes it even easier for himself, however, by kneeling down and hoisting your legs onto each of his shoulders.

“Is this good?” he asks. He brings his head between your thighs and dots soft kisses along one of them.

You scoot your butt to the very edge of the seat. “Yeah, for now. I’ll let you know if it starts to hurt.”

“Please do,” he agrees at once.

He leans forward and parts your sticky folds with two fingers before dragging his tongue from the bottom of your slit to the top in one slow, firm motion. Your breath hitches in your chest when he buries the pink muscle into your wet hole. He licks in a circle from one pulsing wall to the other and back again, then pulls back and licks his lips.

“Do you want my tongue in you and fingers on your clit, or my tongue on your clit and fingers in you?” he asks. He does not normally require such direct instructions, but he has been so concerned with you in your pregnant state. He wants to make sure he is giving you as much pleasure as possible, and he does not want any room for misunderstanding or disappointment.

“Fingers inside, please,” you say.

Minho fits one finger back inside your pussy, soon followed by a second, and your walls squeeze tightly around the digits to welcome and secure them. Then he flattens his tongue to press it back and forth, up and down over your clit. He builds a steady pace that renders your eyes closed and mouth unhinged to let flow a stream of pleasurable sighs and moans. Your pitch heightens considerably when his fingers hit pay dirt on that spot inside you that always makes your toes curl. When you rock against his face to get all the friction you can, the chair moves with you.

“Shit, this is so hot, babe,” your husband groans from below. “Should’ve eaten you out in a rocking chair a long time ago.”

You start to respond but your words pinch into a squeal from a particularly strong tap against your g-spot with his fingertips, and that seems to be all the answer he could want.

Minho becomes greedy for your unfiltered noises and closes his lips around your clit to suck it the way he sucked your nipples just moments earlier. A shiver tumbles down each rung of your spine, all the way to your clenched toes. Your muscles tense to cope with the sheer intensity of the pleasure being administered to that oh-so-sensitive bundle of nerves between your legs. His fingers work tirelessly to undo you in tandem with his skillful tongue. The crest of your climax is drawing near so soon.

“Oh my god, Min,” you breathe with hardly any sound. “Fuck, you’ve got me so close already.”

He grunts his acknowledgement. “Is this how you want to come, doll? All over my fingers? All over my tongue?”

It is very tempting, but you still decline. “N-no. I want you inside me.”

“I’m already inside you.” He twists his fingers pointedly. “Can you be more specific?”

“You know what I mean,” you groan.

He has to get in a few more swipes of his tongue before he can say, “Yeah, but I want to hear you say it. You can have everything you want if you ask me.”

“I want your c-cock inside me. Now, please.”

Minho makes no move to cease his actions other than to briefly retract his tongue to speak again. “You sure you don’t want me to just keep going? You’re so close.”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure. Please, fuck me already.”

The moan he lets out when he pulls away from you and gets to his feet is positively carnal. He rushes to undo his jeans, then shoves both them and his underwear to the floor in one swoop. You tilt your head to take in the view of his erect cock; the bulbous head is nearly purple from engorgement, and there is a glistening wetness at the slit from a buildup of precum.

“How do you want me?” he asks.

“Let’s try the chair.”

“Do you want to bend over it and I’ll fuck you from behind? Or do you want me to sit down and have you ride me?”

“Sit down and I’ll try riding you.”

You rock yourself up and out of the chair, and Minho takes a firm hold of each of your hands to help tug you to your feet. He kisses you quick and sloppy, giving you a quick taste of your arousal, before switching places with you and taking a seat. His cock points upwards as the perfect target for you to sit on.

You face away from him and straddle his legs to get yourself in position. One of his hands steadies your lowering hips as the other lines his dick up for entry. The tip squeezes into your warm wetness with ease. Minho spreads his legs wider and thrusts up to fit a few more inches of himself. With another shove from him and a bit of wriggling on your part, he bottoms out.

“Fuck, you always feel so fucking good,” he rumbles from behind you. Both of his hands are clenched tightly on your hips now.

You moan in agreement. “So do you.”

Bracing yourself on the arms of the chair, you raise yourself up a couple inches, then sink back down swiftly. Minho plants his feet firmly to keep the chair steady and meet you blow for blow as you start up a rhythm. The two of you grunt and pant with every stroke; the sounds are out of sync, but your movements are not.

The friction feels good, but your looming orgasm from earlier is not quite building again as you had hoped it would. Furthermore, your arms are already beginning to tremble from your efforts.

“Shit,” you swear in frustration. “Maybe this won’t work after all.”

He brings up his earlier suggestion and says, “Want to try bending over?”

“Yeah, okay. Let’s try that.”

His wet dick falls out of you to slap against his stomach when you stand up from his lap. Again, the two of you switch positions so you can lean down and prop your arms along the armrests of the chair. The seat tilts downward as you bend over and press your head against the back of it, and your breasts hang heavy below you. You vaguely notice they have begun to leak again.

Minho steps up behind you and returns his hands to your waist to lift your backside a little higher to expose yourself to him. The head of his cock briefly pokes over your asshole when he guides it into place at your pussy again. With a sigh of satisfaction, he pushes back inside and waits for an extended moment while you to readjust to the tight stretch of his girth.

When you tell him you’re ready, he recreates the rhythm you had started earlier, but at a slightly faster tempo now. Each smack of his tensed thighs against your buttocks makes your breasts bounce — another motion that does not go unnoticed by him.

“God, you’re so fucking hot,” he breathes. One of his hands reaches over to cup one swinging breast and then the other. His fingers toy at your wet nipples once more. “You’re already such a MILF.”

The term makes you burst into surprised laughter. “Oh my god, please do not call me that,” you say.

“Why not?” Minho laughs back. “It’s true. You’re so. Damn. Sexy.” He emphasizes each word with concise, gasp-inducing thrusts. “And motherhood is only going to enhance that.”

“Ungh, right now I just want to come,” you groan, not interested in continuing a conversation at the moment, no matter how flattering. Your body feels heavy, but the coil in you is getting close to snapping again. “Please, Min... please…”

“Oh, you will, doll. I want you to come just as badly.” He pinches your drippy nipple with one hand, maneuvers the other hand around your waist, under your stomach, between your legs to trap your throbbing clit between two fingers. “Want you to come all over this cock.”

“Keep going and I will,” you promise him.

He speeds his hips up until he is hitting your g-spot with every push. He rubs and plays with your clit just the way you like. The steady whapping sound of skin on skin fills the nursery, along with your breathless encouragements for your husband to keep groping, keep pounding, keep going.

“You’re dripping everywhere for me, aren’t you, baby?” he grunts, his breath hot and ragged. “Got your sticky little clit in one hand, and your tit is leaking in my other.”

He is not wrong. Everything is so wet, so hot, so sticky. You whimper and repeatedly push back against him to further increase the friction.

“So fucking filthy,” he goes on, nearly growling. “Makes me want to bust and fill you up with cum. There’s gonna be so fucking much of it.”

His words, combined with a few more sweeps of his fingers over your clit and stabs of his cockhead against the sweetest part of you, burst you straight through the roof of your climax. With a whiny, broken moan, your pussy clamps him tightly, and it is not more than four of five more strokes before he joins you in sheer bliss. He seizes and grunts deeply as his cum shoots out of his twitching cock to meet the resistance of your already-occupied womb. He was right — there is a lot of it. The viscous white fluid oozes out of you and down along your thighs before the spurts have even finished trickling out of him.

Both pairs of legs between the two of you are shaky as Minho pulls out of your swollen pussy with a slick squelch. He helps straighten your body and pulls you into an adoring hug as you both regain your lost breath. His sweaty chest is nearly as damp as yours as it heaves against your back. You can feel his heart racing.

“You alright, doll?” he checks while dotting sweet kisses along your shoulder. “Was that good?”

“Very good,” you pant with a blissed smile. You turn your head to the side and pucker your mouth for a kiss. Your lower belly is cramping from the intensity of your orgasm, and you massage it absently as Minho’s lips envelop yours. His fingers bump yours as he, too, goes to cradle your stomach.

“How’s our little princess?” he asks next.

“Fine,” you answer. You kiss him deeply and whisper against his mouth: “We’re both just fine, thanks to the daddy.”

---

if you enjoyed, please consider re-blogging and/or leaving me some feedback. take care! ♡

copyright © 2024 by daizymax. all rights reserved. back to masterlist

[just-a-ghost00]

The aesthetic of your next lover

Warning : 18+ themes are mentioned in group 3

Group 1

Physical traits - XX Judgement, Nature Personality - Ace of swords, Power Job - Queen of pentacles, Speak truth Interests - 3 of pentacles, Patience

Your next lover definitely has a good sense of fashion! They dress to impress and are the type of person that stands out of the crowd. They look intimidating, their eyes especially could be a key feature of their looks as well as their lips, regardless of their gender. For instance they could wear graphic eyeliner or their stare is quite intense either because of the shape of their eyes or their color. Their appearance feels very natural so it is unlikely they went through aesthetical surgery or that they use a lot of products to cover up for their complexes. They have a natural beautiful smile, good skin condition, good body proportions. They feel like the more tall and slender type. They are naturally striking which is one thing people would notice about them right from the get go. They look like they come straight out of an ad. In terms of personality, this person is clever and witty. They tend to use their brain more than their heart. They are driven and ambitious, strong willed and opinionated. They're stubborn in many ways but in their case it serves them good. They know how to push through when needed. They could have a tendency to overthink. As for their career, I'm picking up on influencer and artists vibes. This person definitely has an important status and they use their voice to express their truth, whether it's in person or through social media. The queen of pentacles in this deck looks like she is super confident about her impact on people and is expected to be worshiped. So this could represent singers, musicians, models, actors. Their work could involve the body. So maybe gym instructor or nutritionist. When it comes to their hobbies, I'm picking up on : learning new things, working out, gardening, working on their spirituality / increasing their faith, any creative activity that would get them to meet people. This person likes to share knowledge and spend quality time with people.

₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊

Group 2

Physical traits - XIX The Sun, Play Personality - 4 of cups, Strength Job - XXI The World, Trust Interests - Black Numen, The Observer

This person looks very jovial and young, bright, funny, approachable. They tend to wear casual outfits, rather baggy and practical clothes. They look confident and friendly. Their could be all types of bodies and ethnicities here but what I'm picking up on is that they look sunkissed. So they could have a lot of freckles and moles, a beautiful tanned skin. Wavy hair. If they identify as a woman, I can picture them wearing flowy dresses/skirts. They're always smiling and giggling. They give me beach boy / beach girl vibes. When it comes to their personality though, it's the complete opposite. They are rather guarded and shy, kind of pessimistic. They can be super resilient and strong willed but I feel like this person has struggled or is struggling with mental health issues. Their mind is less bright than their appearance, let's put it that way. They give me Joker vibes, minus the psycopathic tendencies. As for their job, I have several possibilities. For some, this person could be jobless at the moment because they are taking a break from work and travelling instead. I have a feeling like this person took a leap of faith and left everything behind. For others, their job involves travelling. It could be because they're a flight attendant or a tourist guide. I also pick up on people that do several jobs at a time or that are always changing jobs. Like they could work for short periods of time as a bartender and next they babysit and so on. They kinda give me student vibes. When it comes to their interests though, it's pretty clear : tarot and divination, watching horror movies and dramas, researching about the occult, watching documentaries or reports about past eras and mysterious deaths / unsolved crimes, stories about ghosts and supernatural beings, mythology.

₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊✧✩₊˚.☾⁺₊

Group 3

Physical traits - 8 of pentacles, Trust Personality - XII Hanged man, Surrender Job - 10 of swords, Movement Interests - XV The Devil, Destruction

This person looks trustworthy and mature. They have a bulky body or at least they look strong and wise. They tend to hide their face. I'm picking up on bikers specifically. Also people that have that tech wear or gangsta aesthetic. They wear masks in public transports. They look friendly but also intimidating in some way, because of their posture or their looks. They could have tattoos. As for their personality, they're pretty chill. They like to go with the flow and enjoy life at it's fullest. They're rather open minded and curious. They are empathetic. They have no problem adopting other people's perspective and finding a common ground with others. They're more of the observer type. They're quiet but they always pay attention. This feels more like the introverted types of the MBTI profiles. When it comes to jobs, I'm picking up on physical therapists, psychologists, kinesitherapists, chiropractors, people that practice movement medicine. Also firefighters and police officers for some reason. They help people move on, especially mentally, from traumatic experiences. As for their interests, I don't get the best of vibes from this section lmao but I was picking up on getting drunk, getting high, seeking for adrenaline by adopting risky attitudes. Like racing on the highway or doing extreme sports. Watching porn, having sex. They tend to have self destructive tendencies. I was also picking up on fighting, boxing, street fights. Like MMA and stuff like that. On a more "softer" note they just enjoy wrecking havoc. So let's say they go to a party or a concert they're the type to tear the place down. I'm also picking up on festivals like Hellfest.

[deadend-if]

DEMO TBA | INFO | 17+

Most people would describe your life as normal. You live in a small apartment in the middle of a bustling city. It's a city bursting with life and opportunities, things you’ve grown accustomed to. It's been a few years since moving here with your former college roommate, turned best friend. Life pulled the both of you to the city to pursue your careers, living comfortably since. So, when someone comes knocking at your door with wide, panicked eyes, you feel the urge to just move on with your day. That is, of course, not possible when they drop the fact that your roommate is dead, followed by an invitation to get them back.

This IF is written in twine and will be posted on itch.io. It is currently a work in progress. Advice is appreciated due to this being my first attempt at something like this <3

This story will delve into grief, death, and dying, all while exploring everything the underworld has to offer. Face ghosts of everyone's pasts, get into trouble with Underworld Law and become closer along the way.

Play as a fully customizable character, choose your character's name, pronouns/gender, sexuality, appearance, college degree, and more!

Travel through the underworld, explore the vast layers the city of the dead has to offer and meet the people who reside there.

Determine how you traverse loss and all the things that come with it. Either ignore or come to terms with what might happen at the end of it all.

Build a relationship with 1 of 4 character options (or 1 of 2(?) poly options!), two gender selectable, and two set genders (non-binary spectrum). (Play as aro, gay, straight, bi, trans, etc. Platonic relationships will be just as important in this game!)

This game is for 17 and up. There will be NO sexual themes, but there will be heavy topics, explicit language, and graphic descriptions of death. More Content Warnings will be listed in the demo.

The Best Friend | Abel/Abella Robinson [he/him or she/her] - RO

Your best friend since freshman year of college, once random strangers sharing a dorm, now living together of your own free will. A is an elementary school teacher with a calm, gentle heart. They are a bit of a doormat but are kind despite the world being cruel. For years they have been a loyal friend and helped you whenever you needed it, now it's time to help them escape the clutches of death.

The Guilty Reaper | Mortimer/Mort/Mortie [any pronouns] - RO

Mortimer has your best interests in mind, at least that's why they tell you when they pop up at your doorstep with tickets to the underworld. Being out of touch with humanity is supposed to be an asset for reapers, but Mortimer has always wanted to know everything there is to know about humanity. Can you even believe someone like them? Mort seems a little too honest, and a little too curious, but they're the only tour guide for the underworld that you know of.

Your Best Friend's Best Friend | Santiago/Santina "Santi" Vega [he/him or she/her] - RO

You know A has other friends, but what you don't know is why they hate you so much. Santi has never liked you, not four years ago, not today. They are sarcastic and confident. They will always take the opportunity to outshine you, it's hard to understand why someone like A would even tolerate being around them. Whether you like it or not, they're still A's other best friend, and are just as determined to get them back safe and sound... Even if it means having to do it with you.

The Guard | Kyo [he/they] - RO

A (begrudging) friend of Mort and one of many guards of the underworld. They're a mystery to you and even to their closest friend. Kyo doesn't speak much. They are blunt, easily annoyed, and strictly there to keep an eye on everyone. He prefers to follow the rules and stay under the radar, especially since he seems to have something to lose. They seem to only tag along to keep Mort out of trouble, but there has to be something more to their goals. Why else would they risk so much for people they don't know?

Poly Options <3

A & S K & M (A secret third option, perchance?)

DEMO TBA | INFO

[pfhwrittes]

inspired by my ongoing migraine i offer you these thoughts re members of the 141 looking after their partner who suffers with migraines.

unedited and entirely self-indulgent. no smut, just fluff.

tags/warnings: discussions of migraine symptoms (pain, nausea, heightened sensitivity to smells), non-graphic mentions of vomiting, hurt/comfort, fluff, gender!neutral reader.

pairings: john price x reader, simon riley x reader, kyle garrick x reader, john mactavish x reader

kyle makes sure that the curtains are drawn as much as possible in the bedroom and turns the desk fan on so a gentle breeze oscillates over your sweaty, naked back as you hide your face in the pillow. he moves as quietly as possible as he leaves painkillers and an electrolyte drink on the nightstand. when you flop a hand weakly in his direction with a pitiful groan he presses kisses to your clammy palm and whispers as gently as he can that he'll come back later to check on you. before he leaves he makes sure that your phone is switched off so you aren't disturbed by any vibrations of incoming messages, calls or social media notifications. later, when you're feeling a little better and you can manage to call for him, he'll let you bury your face in his chest and doze lightly to the sounds of your heavy breathing.

john grabs your "migraine kit" and sets everything up for you. he fills a hot water bottle and wraps it in a thin tea towel to pop on your feet, he activates a cold pack and places it on your forehead gently, he lets you wrap one of his super soft t-shirts around your head as a makeshift blindfold and folds it up as gently as possible so your mouth and nose are uncovered. he's learned by now that he can't kiss you until you're feeling much better because the bristles of his facial hair make you whimper in pain but he still rubs a gentle hand over your side.

simon empties out the fridge because he knows the smell of leftovers makes you feel nauseous, even from the bedroom. he makes sure to shower with your unscented body wash and pulls on a clean t-shirt and boxers before joining you in the bed. simon lets you rest his heavy forearm over your eyes knowing that you need the weight and warm of his arm to help alleviate some of the pain. he'll stay as still as possible even as his shoulder starts to ache just a little bit just for you.

johnny will sit with you on the floor of the bathroom after you've thrown up. he'll guide a glass of cool water to your mouth so you can take tiny sips to settle your stomach. johnny will massage your shoulders and neck ever so gently to try to loosen the overly tight muscles just to offer you some relief and press kisses to your sweaty hair. when you slur out something about feeling sticky and gross johnny will pass a damp wash cloth over your neck and arms without complaint before leading you back to the bedroom, where you'll bury yourself under a pile of blankets.

[redgoldsparks]

BREATHE: JOURNEYS TO HEALTHY BINDING by Maia Kobabe and Sarah Peitzmeier, with colors by Ashley R Guillory, is now available for pre-order :D

A graphic guide to chest binding with real-life stories and research-backed advice from bestselling Gender Queer author Maia Kobabe and University of Michigan professor Sarah Peitzmeier. Breathe arose from the need for an evidence-based resource for folks considering chest binding as gender-affirming care. Its original form was a 32-page digital-only 'zine, but Peitzmeier and Kobabe saw potential for reaching a wider audience with an expanded version with more art and more exploration of what the research really shows about binding, designed to be easily readable as a printed book. This is the result. To create Breathe, Peitzmeier and her research team interviewed many people of different ages and backgrounds about their journeys with binding, and then she and Kobabe combined excerpts from those interviews with evidence-based resources on binding into this extremely accessible book. The result is both a practical resource for trans and nonbinary folks and an engaging and perspective-broadening read for anyone interested in what it means to be on a journey of expressing one's gender in the ways that are joyful, healthy, and affirming.

64 pages, fully illustrated, single tone colors. Due out from Dutton Books for Young Readers May 2024.

Please order it anywhere except Amazon :)

[buckets-and-trees]

Steve Rogers Collection

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

Unless specifically noted, all of my stories feature a female reader insert character.

dividers by my lovely wife @rookthornesartistry

Series & Collections

EXILED NOMAD a series of encounters that could have happened between Civil War and Infinity War SOFT DARK, explicit smut, rough sex, emotionally damaged Steve, lonely reader

↠ July 3, 2017: When He First Got Me (Steve POV) ↠ July 4, 2017: You Should've Seen Him ↠ September 28, 2017: Pull the String ↠ September 28, 2017, around midnight: Put Me Back on My Shelf ↠ March 10, 2018: It Fit Too Right ↠ March 21, 2018: Puzzle Pieces in the Dead of Night

CEDAR TREES a Royal AU historical romance King!Steve x Queen!Reader politically arranged marriage, reluctant pining to true and utter love, SMUT (rough fucking to fluffy and intimate sexual situations)

↠ Fire Burning From a Cedar Tree [3.4k] ↠ The Thrill of Knowing How Alone We Are [1.2k] ↠ Winter Solstice (response to an ask) ↠ Cold Hands, Warm Hearts [1.3k] ↠ A Shift in the Morning Routine [1.1k] ↠ Love That's Laid Beside Me [5k] ↠ The Silence of the Hushed Sublime [4.8k]

RED, WHITE & TRUE a Steve Stays AU Presidential Candidate!Steve x Wife!Reader politically arranged marriage, slow burn, eventual smut

↠ Prologue: Upstate New York (Steve POV) [1.3k] ↠ chapter 1: Manhattan & Brooklyn [4k] ↠ chapter 2: Las Vegas & Cleveland [4k] ↠ chapter 3: Houston [3.4k] ↠ chapter 4: Fort Wayne, Toledo, Detroit [4.2k] ↠ chapter 5: DC, Tampa, Athens [6.1k] ↠ more coming soon

WARM SHADOWS - complete post-endgame omegaverse AU Alpha!Bucky x omega!reader, Alpha!Captain Hydra x omega!reader, eventual Alpha!Bucky x omega!reader x Alpha!Steve DARK SMUT, tw: non con, tw: dub con, fluff beginning

↠ chapter one: When You Fall On Me Like Night [2.5k] ↠ chapter two: Let All Light Go [7.5k] ↠ chapter three: Carving Through the Dark [14.4k] ↠ chapter four: The Working of Your Hands [15.5k] ↠ epilogue: The Dawn Has Come [5.5k]

LITTLE LARK a modern mafia AU with dark elements mean Mafia!Steve x curvy Millennial Female!Reader x mean Mafia!Bucky

↠ Little Lark ↠ Bird on a Wire ↠ Bird Home in the Darkness

BUCK’S ELEVEN  a snapshot series, historical AU, Ocean’s Eleven-style heist premise Steve and Bucky and many other Avenger cameos

↠ Buck's Eleven Steve & Bucky ↠ Bookings and Rings Steve x Pan Am Stewardess Reader [600 words, light smut] ↠ Good Luck the team [600 words]

THE BROOKLYN BOYS - complete a post-endgame where Steve stays in the present rom-com drabble series, slow burn Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, eventual Stucky x reader

SERIES: ↠ 1: Bucky and the Bench ↠ 2: Steve and the Sandwich ↠ 3: Bucky and the Books ↠ 4: Steve and the Skyline ↠ 5: Bucky and the Brief Brush ↠ INTERLUDE ↠ 6: Steve and the Ballet ↠ 7: Bucky and the Shelves ↠ 8: Steve and the Blindside ↠ 9: Bucky and the Situation ↠ 10: Steve and the Best Friend ↠ EXITLUDE

MORE STORY: ↠ First Night [takes place immediately after part 10] ↠ Idle Hands [first fall/winter] ↠ Big Red Bow [a few days after their first NYE]

Double-Shots

Tiny Vessels [1.5k] + Don’t Forget You Were the One Who [1.3k] end of Endgame Steve gender neutral Reader insert, brief moments of non-graphic physical intimacy

One-Shots

Peering In My Hollow Core [2.4k]  Nomad!Steve x Morally Grey f!Reader explicit smut (dubious consent re: sex pollen)

So Black the Darkness Hums [9.1k] Viking King Steve Rogers x curvy Female!Reader DARK, viking AU, explicit smut (non-consent re: prima nocta)

Witchview [1.3k] ignore Endgame/Steve stays, post-WandaVision, witch!reader soft!dark, smut, magic, manipulation

King [1k] mob AU

All the Pieces Fall [3.4k] unidentified male main character x female!reader modern AU, second chance, smut

Drabbles

Not Meant to Be Like This [680] omegaverse, smut, unexpected heat

Steve with a Breeding Kink [750] soft dark, smut, tw: dubious consent

Steve and a Dog [200]  ignore Endgame/Steve stays gender neutral reader, fluff

With You  fluff, potential future Neighbor!Steve scenario/chaptered work

Bodyguard Steve mildly smutty, modern AU

Other Chris Evans Characters...

[considermycat]

“Gender identification is a kind of melancholia. We learn that being one gender is prohibited to us and we internalise that prohibition, but feel it as an unexplained sense of loss and sadness.”

Judith Butler, quoted in Gender: A Graphic Guide by Meg-John Barker and Jules Scheele, p.124

[wangxianficfinder]

I'm in the mood for...

Aug 13th

~*~

1. Any wangxian fanfics with straight wei wuxian having a sexuality crisis over lan wangji?

ao3 has been erroring out for me when I try to get to my bookmarks , maybe because I have so many? but for #1 , there is a tag "straight boy wei ying" /"Wei wuxian in denial about sexuality" that will give great fics. when I can get to my bookmarks I'll add my faves

show me how you do that trick by ilip13 (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern Setting Porn with Feelings, The Porn Is the Plot, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, straight boy wwx, with an aspec twist, Sexuality Crisis, Voyeurism, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Masturbation, Anal Sex, Switching, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Slow Burn, Except for the sex that part is on fire soooo fast, sexuality realization, Feelings Realization, Happy Ending)

The Cause Of This Fair Gift In Me Is Wanting by Alliandra (E, 47k, WangXian, LQY/QS, Modern AU, High School, College/University, Time Skips, Slow Burn, Pining, LWJ POV, LWJ Fucks, WWX dates, "Straight Boy" WWX, Homophobia, Non-Graphic Violence, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Reference, d Suicide, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Overstimulation, Light Bondage, Blow Jobs, Masturbation, Getting Together, Ableist Language, WWX Has ADHD, Autistic LWJ, Queer Themes)

I search myself (I want you to find me) by ilip13 (E, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff and Smut, The Porn Is the Plot, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Self-Discovery, Adolescent Sexuality, Slight Gender Feels, Masturbation, Fantasizing, Voyeurism, (sort of), Exhibitionism, (also sort of), Lingerie, Explicit Het Content)

~*~

2. Hi! Do you have any fic recs for fic where wwx come back as someone else other than mxy? I remember seeing one where he ends up as Qin Su @fysmiin

You still sound like a song by Moominmammashandbag (M, 64k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Ghost!WWX, Mystery, LWJ plays inquiry, AU from after the Wens came to Lotus Pier, Most people lived, not everybody died, Angst with a Happy Ending, river spirit!WWX, Angst and Feels, description of murder, imminent smut, Execution, Dogs, Poisons, Discussion of Attempted Murder, BAMF WWX, Family Feels)

To Deserve So Much More by renysen (T, 19k, wangxian, getting together, one big happy family, no angst, getting engaged, family feels, female bodied WWX) ofc summons wwx to defend her family's besieged manor.

🔒Femme Fatale by coffeepie (E, 76k, WIP, WWX/WC, WWX/WRH, WWX/WZL, WWX/JGS, Porn, Smut, Possession, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Penis In Vagina Sex, Anal Sex, Masturbation, Aphrodisiacs, Rough Sex, Minor WangXian, Canon Divergence, Oral Sex, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Strangulation, Object Insertion, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Blood and Injury, Somnophilia, Belly Bulge) WIP. wwx wakes up in wlj's body before the sunshot campaign. cw lots of sex with wc.

the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, wangxian, qingli, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, slightly dark!JYL, wq lives because i said so, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, manipulative relationship (background xiyao)) qs summoning jyl-centric but includes someone else summoning wwx as well

patching the road with vague intentions by loosingletters (T, 39k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Humor, Developing Friendships, WWX Resurrected By Others, Trans WWX, Case Fic, POV WWX, POV LQR, Family, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, MXY Lives) WIP. ofc lwj was arranged to marry after wwx's death summons wwx. lwj hasn't appeared yet.

The Housewife's Guide to Causing Chaos by dvasva (M, 127k, WIP, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Functionally Trans Character, Mild Sexual Content, Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, Transphobia, Good Parents LWJ and WWX, Pining, WWX is a Tease, Grief/Mourning, Body Dysphoria, Fake Marriage, Canonical Character Death, Misunderstandings, Doting LWJ, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, WWX is not in MXY's body, Misgendering, Mild Angst, Assumptions, Comedic Elements, non-sexual nudity, Blood, Discussion of Various Bodily Functions, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, 4 years of mourning instead of 13, Méishān Yú Sect, POV Multiple, Corporal Punishment, Trans WWX, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, pregnancy mention, Timeline What Timeline, Sexual Harassment Threats) WIP. ofc lwj was arranged to marry after wwx's death summons wwx. wangxian starts early.

Friends, Sabers, and Other Essentials for Solving a Conspiracy by MeridianGrimm (T, 50k, NHS & WWX, LWJ & NHS, WangXian, Humor, Friendship, Love, Mystery, Canon Divergence, Smart NHS, WWX doesn't stay dead, LWJ gets a new friend, Happy Ending, Fix-It, To be clear the WangXian is mostly background, This fic is about friendship) NHS does a modified summoning

Karma's a Bitch (It's Me, I'm The Bitch) by loosingletters (T, 8k, SS & OC, WWX & OC, Minor Character Death, Canon Divergence, Suicidal Thoughts, Resurrection, Moling Su Sect, Cultivation Sect Politics, Body Dysphoria, WWX is NOT in MXY's Body, Unreliable Narrator, Assassination) Su sect oc summons wwx.

❤️ Beauty and the Boot by PTchan (T, 44k, wangxian, summoned by f!oc, Canon Divergence, Romantic Comedy, Genderbending, Denial, Fem!WWX, WangXian kids, Crack-ish, WIP) seemingly-abandoned WIP. OFC summons wwx.

So You Want to Start a War by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 41k, WIP, MY/QS, MY/WWX, WangXian, Reincarnation, Half-Sibling Incest Mention!, QS does the ritual instead of MXY, WWX as a woman, MY Is His Own Warning, Canon Divergence, Impersonation, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Please check the notes before reading a chapter, Timeline What Timeline, WWX Has PTSD) WIP. qs summons wwx.

sweet hay and the flowers rising by Shializaro (T, 4k, WangXian, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mentions of Violence, Alcohol, Humor) qs summons wwx.

Crowded by nirejseki (G, 1k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, LWJ/NHS/WWX, canon divergence, different body offering ritual, atypical relationship dynamics, sentient sabers) NHS does a modified summoning (short fic)

❤️ The Book’s Cover by Eudoxia (E, 50k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX not in MXY’s body, canon retelling, humor, demisexual LWJ, genderqueer WWX, smut) OFC summons WWX. this is probably my favorite one of all these.

Everyanything by deliciousblizzardshark, lingeringdust (E, 46k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Franken-canon, Gender Identity, Gender Dysphoria, Trans WWX, Protective LWJ, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Canon-Typical Misogyny, Fluff and Angst, Vaginal Sex, Canon-Typical Major Character Death) Qin Su summons WWX.

Chapter 1-23 of The Tales of Despereaux by stiltonbasket (T, 36k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, (when applicable)) Chapters 1-23 are "What if Qin Su summoned Wei Wuxian?" A prologue is linked in the author's note.

Wei Wuxian keeps / gets his OG body / Resurrected by someone other than MXY Comp

Five People Who Never Summoned Wei Wuxian by EHyde (G, 3k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, 5+1 Things, Angst, [Podfic] Five People Who Never Summoned Wei Wuxian by sisi_rambles)

~*~

3. Hey! I have only once asked for a fic before but this is for a Itmf , can you recommend any dark lwj fic? Not just after wwx’s death but lwj protecting wwx or joining him in demonic cultivation, even better if wwx runs yiling wei sect^-^

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ)

🔒 Flawed and Free by Vrishchika (E, 18k, wangxian, major character death, time travel fix-it, dark LWJ, dark LXC, dark gusu lan, temporary character death, not JC friendly, angst, hurt/comfort, WIP)

🔒 At heart by apathyinreverie (M, 36k, WangXian, WIP, Dark LWJ(Ish), Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Hurt WWX, Recovery, Caring, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, some definite manipulation, but not everything is as it seems, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Revea, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, kind of, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX Goes to Gusu, Possessive WWX, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ)

Until The World Embraces Me Home by azri (T, 5k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ LWJ, LWJ Has No Golden Core, Role Reversal, Not LXC Friendly, Not JC Friendly, Not cultivation world friendly overall tbh, Sunshot Campaign, Friends to Lovers, Temporary Character Death, WangXian Get a Happy Ending)

Corrupted Core by The_Gourmet_Gamer (M, 16k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Grief/Mourning, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Sad with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds)

~*~

4. Hello 👋

I'm in the mood for Twitter wangxian fic threads,i don't mind it if it's modern or not, but I don't like bottomji or switch wangxian

You might enjoy our Twitter comp

~*~

5. Hello! Thanks for your work. Are there any Wangxian fics set at the Olympics? @chalionkat (previous ask moved to FF - mod C)

Our Sports AU Compilation has a Olympics au section you can check out 😊

and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (E, 106k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, Modern Cultivation, Rivalry, Competition, Competition-Set Fic, Athletes, Multimedia, Miscommunication, frenemies to lovers, Rivals to Lovers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Seemingly One-sided But Actually Mutual Pining, Oblivious WWX, Competitive Cultivation, Anal Sex, First Time, Angst with a Happy Ending, Olympics, Inappropriate use of an Olympic gold medal, Breathplay, Rough Sex, Food Porn, Tanabata, Lily’s back on her Qixi bullshit, Switching, Bottom LWJ) this has cultivation Olympics

🔒 Dance Me to the End by venagrey (E, 35k, WangXian, Modern, Skating, 2021-2022 Figure Skating Season, No Pandemic, teammates to friends to lovers, Eventual Smut, mixed signals: on ice, Oblivious WWX, Bisexual WWX, mortifying ordeal of being known, slightly nonlinear timeline, Unreliable Narrator, gratuitous descriptions of skating, first time nudes, Accidental Phone Sex, WWX is Very Flexible, YOI homage, not actually a crossover, IRL skating homage, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, a little gnc for added zest, inappropriate use of medals, Rimming, Winter Olympics)

~*~

6. Hi! This is for ITMF where WWX is a king maker/advisor/spy master or something like Foot on the brakes, screaming there's a red light by Lookingkindofdumb or Copying Scriptures by chiyukimei

Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

🔒 Half Agony, Half Hope by queenklu (T, 105k, WangXian, LXC/JGY, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, LXC/NMJ, Jane Austen Fusion, persuasion au, Pining, Broken Engagement, Secrets, Espionage, Child Injury, Terrible Parents (YZY & JFM), Past Child Neglect) maybe? Wei Ying was a spy during the war.

~*~

7. Hello!!. i need need need to know if theres any more fics like A Street Kid Named Wuxian where wwx isnt adopted by any sect and just grows up on the strrets/ poor or an orphan @yesibest

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Developing Friendships, lots of OCs, miscommunication and misunderstandings (they’re idiots your honor), Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Slow Burn) fits but Wei Ying lived in Yiling until he's around 17 and then gets invited to train with the Lans for a year. It doesn't go into a lot detail about his life on the streets but he is poor throughout his childhood and into his teens.

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending) link in #14 Not sure if this fits as while WWX does grow up on the streets without being adopted into a sect, it's down to time travel, with his soul being sent back to his child body, so he has knowledge of the future & cultivation, so he gets to cheat a little & be more than a normal street kid

~*~

8. Hello, I was wondering if you and the lovely community could help me find selkie-style creature fics? In myth, a selkie is a seal creature who can shed its fur and walk on land as a human. Whoever holds the fur has control over the selkie because they cannot transform back without it. So I am looking for similar themes in WangXian fics! I just read Burn It All Down by nekojita which suggested this would happen with Jiang Cheng holding one of Wei Wuxian’s dragon scales, but the wip hasn’t been updated to finish that portion of the story! So I come to you, looking for more “I control you as long as I hold this part of you captive” stories. Thank you for any recs you can suggest! <3

never love an anchor by tardigradeschool (T, 31k, WangXian, Selkies, No Powers, Historical, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Pining, Angst, Happy Ending, The Inherent Eroticism of the Sea, PTSD, Presumed Dead, Drowning)

💙 this river runs to you by sundiscus (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending) this might work? It has Dragon!LWJ whose dragon is missing. While no one actually uses it to control him in the story, the possibility that someone could is a major driver of the plot.

Lanterns To Guide You Home by cuttlefeeeeeeeeesh (T, 7k, WangXian, Mutual Pining, Mythology, Selkie AU, Fisherman LWJ, Selkie WWX, Sorta Established Relationship, Fluff, Soft (tm)) might like Lanterns to Guide You Home? It's a bit of a twist on the selkie trope, being less about captivity and more about wangxian reuniting/mutually pining years after being married, but I think it would still appeal to a reader who likes selkie stories. And it's a lovely fic!

~*~

9. Hi! For the ITMF, I was wondering if there are any fics where WWX knows a bit more about MXY when he wakes up in his body? By viewing MXYs memories maybe, or something like that? Just, I want him to be able to act like MXY better and understand his situation better. Is there anything like that? Thanks in advance! @hikato-chan

~*~

10. Hi! This is for ITMF. Is there a fic where WWX tells JYL (or someone else really) that he trust LWJ but not his clan/sect? Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

~*~

11. ITMF a fic that takes place during the Cloud Recesses study arc, in the scene where WWX gets LWJ drunk. Something goes different: a kiss? A love confession? A fist fight? @luliaka

Cartwheels In Cloud Recesses Series by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 23k, WangXian, CSSR/WCZ, CSSR and WCZ Live, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans)

You Are My Euphoria by orphan_account (M, 17k, wangxian, canon divergence, fluff, making out, 5+1, pining)

it’s just (aah) a little crush (crush!) by sweetlolixo (T, 9k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Romance, Fluff, Pining LWJ, Humor, Courting Rituals, Teen Wangxian)

~*~

12. itmf some concubine wwx, following canon as mich as possible? something along the lines of the concubine mo series by enigmatree

~*~

13. Itmf:

A) some wwx realizing that he's been abused as a child (for example: Madame Yu) and having to accept that actually the adults in his life kind of suck (no Jiang Yanli bashing pls ♡)

B) wwx being raped and his recovery

Thank you 💕

13A)

🔒💙 Holding shreds by barisan (T, 5k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, No Sunshot Campaign, Body Swap, Not for sexy shenanigans, Chronic Pain, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abusive YZY, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, POV WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jiāng Family Bashing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Getting Together, Smart WWX)

🔒 in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Cloud Recesses, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Developing Relationship, POV LWJ, Minor Injuries, Autistic LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka the Madam Yu warning, Genius WWX, Light Angst And Hurt/Comfort, WWX Protection Squad, Gusu Lan Sect, Slow Burn, Protective LWJ, LWJ-centric)

🔒 Warming up (to him) by barisan (T, 9k, LQR & WWX, WangXian, Hypothermia, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Temporary Character Death, Medical Inaccuracies, YZY Abuses WWX, JFM Bashing, pre-wangxian, Good Uncle LQR, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort)

so i cut the shackles and changed my name by MichelleFeather (T, 9k, WangXian, LQR & LWJ, LQR & CSSR, LQR & WWX, CSSR/WCZ, WWX & The Lan Clan, WIP, WWX Leaves the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, WWX is a Lan, Good Uncle LQR, Supportive LQR, Protective LQR, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, JFM & YZY Bashing, Jiang Family Bashing, Abusive Jiang Family, Running Away, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Hurt WWX, Genius WWX, No Sunshot Campaign, Gusu Lan Sect Rules, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cultivation Sect Politics, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon Divergence, Protective Gusu Lan Sect, WRH isn't a power hungry tyrant, mostly)

Just go forward like you mean it by tawaen (M, 101k, WangXian, WWX & WN &WQ, WWX & JYL, NHS & WWX, Canon Divergence, WWx does not attend the Wen indoctrination, WWX saves Lotus Pier, Inventor WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, Sect Leader JYL, JC Has No Golden Core, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Not JC Friendly, but he gets a happier ending than canon so don't look here for bashing) WWX gets frustrated with how unconcerned JFM is regarding the Wens & ends up leaving. Features sect leader JYL

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious) WWX realises he's been poorly treated by the Jiangs & defects. However it could be seen as JYL bashing depending on how you define bashing. She does ignore her family's treatment of WWX & later tries to stop his wedding to LWJ, but she's portrayed as meaning well & just wanting to avoid conflict, & believing she is saving him from a forced marriage. Up to you whether that counts as bashing

13B)

🧡 Heaven Has No Rage by flipfloppandas (M, 51k, WWX & YZY, JFM/YZY,  implied wangxian, WWX/WC, WWX/others, rape/non-con, modern, hurt/comfort, protective YZY, good parent YZY, hospitals, medical procedures, vomiting, trauma) focuses more on the immediate aftermath Wei Ying being raped but does touch on the beginnings of his recovery.

feast and famine by luckymarrow (E, 49k, wangxian, rape/non-con, aftermath of gang rape, modern au, trauma, PTSD, medical procedures, rape recovery, non-consensual drug use, hurt/comfort, angst w/ happy ending, mind all the tags) Rape/recovery and the ripples across the friend group. JYL is the glue that holds everyone together. It's a gut-wrenching, amazeballs fic.

~*~

14. Hii, I'm itmf some good coming of age fanfics!

🔒 Flowers Blooming by Ilona22 (M, 35k, WangXian, Adoption, Prostitution, Family Fluff, Family Drama, Growing Up)

A Life Without Regrets by naqaashi (M, 128k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, musical cultivation, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Murder Husbands, Happy Ending, PTSD, BAMF WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Worldbuilding, Módào Zǔshī & The Untamed Combination, No Yīn Iron, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Artist WWX, Musician WWX, Bad Parent JFM, Bad Parent YZY, Cultivation Theory, Sentient Burial Mounds, Dysfunctional Family, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship, Angry WWX, Angst, No Golden Core Transfer, BAMF LWJ, Idiots in Love)

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending)

🔒 Life is Like a Stranger by through_shadows_falling (T, 69k, wangxian, Kid Fic, Child LWJ, Child WWX, First Meetings, Canon Divergence, Cute Kids, Orphan WWX, Autism Spectrum, Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Canon, POV LWJ, Growing Up Together, WWX raised at Cloud Recesses, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Puberty, Growing Up, Coming Out, teenage angst, Wet Dream, Pining, This fic gets a little raunchier as the kids become teens, But it won’t get too explicit, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Spanish Translation, Brief mentions/moments of WWX kissing others in chapter 22 but only on the cheek, also characters kiss WWX on the cheek in chapter 23, but his real first kiss is with LWJ, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian)

~*~

15. Hey!!

So i was wondering if there are any fics where wangxian have a cute little couple’s argument..they make up in the end obv, i don’t really prefer heavy angst. Just a normal couple’s argument. @honestlyewww

tipping point by cherrywhiskey (M, 13k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Married Couple, Married Life, Bickering, Idiots in Love, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Fights, Arguing, Making Up, Angry Kissing, Making Out, Modern AU, POV Alternating, Fighting)

you became my husband when i first laid my eyes on you by bunnylan (weiyingpretty) (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern Era, Fluff, Boyfriends, Cute, Tik Tok Challenge, Husbands, Established Relationship)

~*~

16. IMTF wangxian or any one of the two as (a) lawyers (b) teachers trying to hide their relationship from students (c) scientists (biologist, physicist, etc.) any kind

Thank you <3

16A)

🔒 a thousand fragile and unprovable things by theLoyalRoyalGuard (G, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Trans Male Character, Trans MXY, MXY Deserves Happiness, Best Dads Wangxian, Handwaving The Legal System With The Power of LWJ, A little bit of angst, mostly soft, Happy Ending, Gender Happiness, Let LWJ Wear Skirts Agenda, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note) Lan Wangji is a lawyer

Close to the Truth by Winglesss (M, 14k, WangXian, Modern AU, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Romantic Comedy, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Tooth-Rotting Fluff) Lan Wangji is a lawyer

Scapegoat by Anonymous (E, 216k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Trials, Lawyer LWJ, Defendant WWX, Courtroom Drama, False Accusations, Criminal Investigation, Threats of Violence, Hurt WWX, Protective LWJ, Childhood Trauma, Murder Mystery, Pining, Soft WangXian, Slow Burn, Domestic Bliss, Happy Ending, Found Family, Bad Parent YZY, neutral jc, Good Sibling JYL, neutral lxc, Bad Uncle LQR, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, POV Alternating, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, Pining while fucking, Belly Bulge, Gentle Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Neck Kissing, Eventual Smut, porn in chapter 15, Praise Kink, Homophobia, chapter specific TWs will be in top notes, Power Play, Power Imbalance, Wet Dream)

16C)

🔒 at first sight of the sun by sunflowersfield (T, 3k, WangXian, Modern, Coworkers, Fluff, Neurodiversity, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, First Dates, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort) Lan Wangji is a researcher at a forest preserve in at first sight of the sun

A Cyborg’s Three Laws by @joshua-beeking, FairyGardenCorgis (M, 194k, WangXian, Future, Cyborgs, Science Fiction, Science Boyfriends, Romance, Slow Burn, Medical Procedures, Surgery, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, LWJ has RA, Idiot Friends to Idiot Lovers, Medical Assault, Dehumanization, obscene amounts of cuddling, Versatile wangxian)

~*~

17. Hi! I meant to ask this, but I think I haven't yet (it would already be posted otherwise). For the ITMF, are there any fics where WWX, post canon, gets transported timewise into the 13/16 years he was dead? Preferably only for a bit until he figures out how to get back, and while hiding his identity. Thanks for the help! @hikato-chan

Less Than Two Years by wenqing (maniafic) (T, 5k, WangXian, Time Travel, Post-Canon, but also canon divergent, in an alternate universe though, Minor Angst, mostly wwx confusing the kids)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[duckprintspress]

Celebrate International Non-Binary People’s Day with Books by Non-Binary Authors!

Today, July 14th, is International Non-Binary People’s Day. Last year, we put together a post featuring our favorite books with non-binary characters. This year, we changed it up by highlighting books we loved written by out non-binary authors! We hope you’ll take a peek at the works we’ve listed here and other stories created by these awesome folks! The contributors to this list are: Shea Sullivan, Nina Waters, Sanne, May Barros, Shadaras, Tris Lawrence, Meera S. and two anonymous contributors.

Iron Widow (Iron Widow series) by Xiran Jay Zhao

Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe

Your Shadow Half Remains by Sunny Moraine

Nimona by N.D. Stevenson

How to Love: A Guide to Feelings and Relationships for Everyone: A Graphic Novel by Alex Norris

Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi

Chameleon Moon (Chameleon Moon series) by RoAnna Sylver

Gamechanger (The Bounceback series) by L.X. Beckett

The Genesis of Misery by Neon Yang

The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey

The Four Profound Weaves by R.B. Lemberg

Foxhunt (Foxhunt series) by Rem Wigmore

An Accident of Stars (Manifold Worlds series) by Foz Meadows

A Taste of Gold and Iron (Mahisti Dynasty series) by Alexandra Rowland

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

Melissa by Alex Gino

Once & Future (Once & Future series) by A.R. Capetta

When We Were Magic by Sarah Gailey

Our Dreams at Dusk: Shimanami Tasogare by Yuhki Kamatani

Providence Girls by Morgan Dante

Soulstar (The Kingston Cycle series) by C.L. Polk

Who are YOUR favorite non-binary authors?

[leemacher]

When We Meet Again Lorenzo St. John x Reader

Summary: Damon was always getting the two of you into and out of trouble, but when you get pulled into the Augustine Society with him, neither of you are sure if you'll ever make it out. What hurts the most though? Growing to love the vampire who'd already been there for years and being forced to listen to his screams.

Content: Reader is a Salvatore vampire, Reader's gender is never specified but is referred to using pet names like "gorgeous" and "love", mentions of child abuse, mentions of parental death, semi-graphic depictions of torture, starvation, major character death implied, angst, fluff, hurt no comfort, hurt with extremely delayed comfort, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, just barely edited

Word Count: 6.1k

a/n: I love Enzo with all my heart and I swear this man has zero fics. When this popped into my head I stopped everything to write it even though it made me cry. Enjoy!

Part 2 is imminent - not sure how many people still read for him, but if anybody wants to be tagged for it just let me know

The stinging feeling running through your veins was the first thing you noticed as you began to wake. Unable to move, even your thoughts had trouble being heard through the pounding in your skull.

The sounds of people around you talking started to ground you, and it didn’t take much longer for you to remember what happened. Damon had contacted you.

It was always Damon wasn’t it? Even when you were kids, it was always like this. When your mother died, he was your anchor. When your father was less than fatherly, he was your shield. And when you felt like causing trouble, he was your guide. Stefan was your brother, but Damon was your person.

So it made sense that when men with wooden stakes and vervain needles went after Damon, you would be right beside him then too. Although, you weren’t sure either of you were entirely happy about that.

It was the first time seeing your brother in almost ten years, you shouldn’t have to be looking at him through bars.

Bars?

Your vision focused, albeit much slower than a vampire’s vision should, and you found yourself looking through a set of prison bars. In front of you, in a cell similar to yours, was a man you had never seen before. To the right, you could barely make out your brother, who looked much better than you felt at that moment.

“D-” you tried to speak, but it ended up in a cough as your vocal cords strained to work after who knows how long. “Damon?” You tried again, struggling to sit up.

As you moved to lean against the concrete wall behind you, he spoke. “Hey, kid.” You had never heard Damon sound so, whatever this was. “How you feeling?”

You scoffed. “You led me into some sort of Van Helsing trap.” You snapped, playfully. Well, as playful as you could manage. “How do you think I’m feeling?”

Unsure of whether his silence or an apology would’ve been more concerning, you focused your energy on the man sitting across from you. “Who are you? Where are we?”

“Lorenzo St. John, at your service. Or I would be, anyway.” He spoke with a little wave and tilt of his head, and also looked as bad as you felt. His clothes were frayed and as dirty as his skin, and even in the dark cells you could see the faint remnants of blood on his body and clothes. However, with short black hair, brown eyes, and an English accent, he would’ve been someone you found attractive had you not been where you were. “Welcome to Augustine.”

Introducing yourself, because if nothing else you had basic manners, you took another glance at your brother. “Are you okay?”

Silence followed. Pushing yourself forward a little, you underestimated your strength which had steadily been coming back, and a little became a lot. Your body shot towards the bars faster than you expected, and tried grabbing onto them to stabilize yourself.

“I wouldn’t do that, gorgeous.”

You hissed in pain at the same time Lorenzo spoke. Pulling your hands away from the bars, you groaned. As anger at your predicament coursed through your veins, the tell tale black markings of a vampire began to appear under your eyes.

Before any of you had a chance to do or say anything else, another man appeared. This time, outside of a cell and with a needle of vervain in his hand. He mumbled to himself while messing with the locks on Damon’s cell.

Fear shot through you. You weren’t entirely sure what was happening, but the vervain needle accompanied by the metal rolling table he brought with him told you it couldn’t be anything good. Glancing at Lorenzo, you briefly caught him shaking his head at you before deciding to ignore him.

“Hey!” You yelled, but the man continued opening Damon’s cell. Looking at your brother, you couldn’t even tell if he was awake or not, “Hey! I’m talking to you, you ass!”

You stood up as best you could, your body fighting off the last remnants of vervain. Ignoring the stinging sensation, you began banging on the doors to the cell, yelling even louder this time. “Mr. Jackass!”

The man quickly spun around, sizing you up with his nostrils flared. You barely caught sight of Lorenzo’s wide eyes before the man had the vervain needle stuck into your arm. He opened the cell as your strength began to fade once more, mumbling something about you being more active than you should.

Being wheeled down the hall on a gross feeling medical gurney, you tried mapping out the layout of the place as best you could, but he seemed to reach his destination very quickly.

The vervain had made quick work of you, and you barely had the strength to react when the man strapped down your arms and legs.

Barely, being the key word.

“If you wanted to tie me up, all you had to do was ask.” You sassed. If you were going to go through whatever this man intended on doing to you, you were going to annoy the hell out of him in the process.

The man left your vision, and you could hear items shuffling around, clinking together every once in a while, before he walked back into your view. A tray of medical equipment and a few unsavory looking tools lay on a metal table he placed next to your body.

Shocks ran up and down your spine, fear sinking into every fiber of your being. Lorenzo was warning you not to make things worse, and in that split moment as the man carved into your torso for the first time, you wondered how long he had been here.

You refused to allow a scream to escape, instead biting down on the inside of your lip. “Oh, so you’re this kind of freaky, huh?” You said once gathering your wits.

The blade above you paused, and you smirked as the man let out a deep sigh. “Unless you’re screaming, shut up.”

The scalpel dug back in, slicing from one side of your abdomen to the other. You barely suppressed another cry of pain, thanking Guiseppe Salvatore for the first time in your life for a high pain tolerance, before speaking again as he set the scalpel down. “Make me, Bitch!”

Shortly after saying that, you felt the man’s fingers pry your skin apart, creating an opening to your stomach. Peeling layer after layer of skin, and cutting more as necessary, the man exposed the inside of your body almost surgically.

You found the strength to lift your head, watching as his hands disappeared inside your body, pushing your organs around. The pain was excruciating, but the sight of your organs and veins being moved around was even worse.

For hours after, or at least for as long as this went on, the man would smirk at every cry of pain. Taking great pleasure in the sounds he was able to bring out of you, every ounce of strength you had went into staying quiet.

Delirium had set in, and after so long, you didn’t even feel like you were alive. Just existing, forever, motionless and in pain. So much so that you didn’t even realize when it had stopped.

You barely reacted to being pushed back to your cell, or gave thought to opening your eyes for long enough to see if your brother was okay. The only reaction you felt capable of giving was a groan as your body came into contact with the stone floor of your cell.

It hadn’t occurred to you back then, but after recovering from your session you realized that the others could hear everything that happened in that room. Damon, while just as witty as you were, was less practiced in the art of silence it seemed.

“Hey,” Enzo, as you had learned to call you, spoke. “Damon said he was your brother?”

You locked eyes with Enzo through the darkness. “Yeah.”

Enzo sighed, flinching with you when Damon let out a particularly painful scream. “Do you have any other siblings?”

Stefan’s face flashed through your mind, and you were briefly grateful that him and Damon seemed to always be at odds. You don’t think you could handle both of them being here.

“Yeah. Another brother, Stefan.”

Enzo smiled kindly as a tear streamed down your face. “Tell me about him.”

So you did.

You told Enzo all about Stefan and the adventures the three Salvatore siblings would have when they were all human. Mystic Falls couldn't handle the three of you, although you were certain there wasn’t a place on earth that could.

When Katherine came around and created a rift between Stefan and Damon, it also pushed the two of them away from you. Turning into vampires however, somehow made it even worse. Damon never forgave Stefan for forcing him to turn, and because Damon was your person, you took his side.

Soon enough, it was almost like Damon was the only family you had left. Despite everything, though, Stefan was still your brother, and you promised yourself that if you ever got out, no matter what Damon wanted, you were going to fix things with him.

For what felt like hours, you told Enzo about everything you could think of. And anytime Damon’s screams hit you too hard, he asked a question or started a story of his own. Together, the two of you took each other’s minds off of where you were.

When Damon was finally dropped back in his cell, the three of you promised that one day you would all make it out. And when you did, you would burn this place to the ground.

“You remember the time you broke your wrist because George Lockwood called you cute?”

You groaned as loudly as you could, ignoring the stinging in your throat as you did so. “Why must you always bring that up?”

Enzo chuckled at the two of you, raising his eyebrow at you questioningly. “You what?”

Damon laughed as you hid your face behind your hands. “George Lockwood was a suitor of hers back in the day. Father thought marrying the two of them would bring both of our families a higher status in the world.”

“And you broke your wrist because he flirted with you?” Enzo laughed along with Damon.

“No!” You shot both men a pointed glare. “I broke my wrist because I tripped and fell.”

“Because he was flirting with you.” Damon chipped in.

“Because I was flustered and wasn’t paying attention to where I was going!” You corrected.

Damon smirked at you from his cell, continuing to tease you. Today was a rare day where none of you were carted off to be ripped apart, and though that meant that none of you would be fed the tiniest bit of blood in existence to heal and thus were all practically starving, this was still classified as a good day. “Because he was flirting with you.”

You groaned again, rolling your eyes. “I was sixteen, Damon. I wasn’t supposed to be good at flirting back then.”

“As opposed to now, I assume?” Enzo pitched in, his eyebrows raised.

“I’ll have you know, I could have any man eating out of my hand if I so wished.”

“George excluded?” Damon smiled. “Or is it just the men who you like that make you prone to running into things?”

“As if I needed clumsiness to drive men away.” You gave Damon a playful glare. “Anyone who I’ve ever been interested in, this one has chased away.” You said, glancing at Enzo and watching as he made a face of understanding.

“Well it’s a good thing I can’t go anywhere then.” Enzo said, his voice dropping slightly. “And with no way to run into anything, you can flirt to your heart’s content.”

You raised an eyebrow, pretending to look him up and down. “As if I’d want to flirt with you.”

“Please,” Enzo smiled, and you found yourself mirroring it, as he spread his arms out beside him. “I’m a catch.”

“You’d be lucky if you even got a moment with me, stud.” You mocked, teasingly.

“And I’d savor that moment for the rest of my existence.”

Damon cut back into the conversation with a loud groan and a bang. “If you’re gonna flirt, can you at least do it while I’m being tortured?” You giggled while Enzo held back a laugh. “It’s less painful.”

“How you feeling?” Enzo spoke softly to you.

After a particularly rough session, in which Damon was immediately carted off for his turn, you could barely manage to lift your head up off the ground. You tried to speak, but even that felt like too much.

“That bad, huh?” You could hear the soft smile in his voice. “And here I was thinking you were invincible.”

The faintest of smiles crossed your face, and for a moment silence filled the cells. With no noise except the faintest clinking sounds of the men in the room over preparing to cut into Damon, you had time to think about or rather acknowledge the thoughts that had been rolling through your head as of late.

When you first got here, your only thought was of how to get out. For you, it wasn’t an if, but a when, and when you did you had plans upon plans of how you would get back at the people who put you and your brother through hell. Now though? Now it felt as if there was no escape.

It was as if there would never be anything other than pain. You began to wonder what it would be like to die here, or if they’d ever let you die. You didn’t know which was worse.

Gathering all of your strength, you weren’t even sure if Enzo would hear you when you spoke. “Keep talking.”

A second passed before you heard Enzo sigh. “It seems somewhat sad to say, but I think you and Damon are the only two friends I’ve ever truly had.”

For the most part, Enzo avoided talking about himself and his past, saying that there wasn’t much to tell. Because of this, anytime he had to talk for more than five minutes at a time, it landed more on you or Damon.

Though more recently, his ramblings tended to land on you, and this time was no exception.

“The two of you showing up was unexpected after being alone here for so long. You more than your brother.” He scoffed to himself. “You could barely move and yet still, the first thing you did was piss off the doc. Thought you were an idiot if I’m being honest.”

“But then I realized what you were doing. Damon did too, which he was pissed about by the way.” You exhaled roughly in a laugh at that. “Either way you definitely weren’t what I was expecting.”

“As shitty as it sounds, I’m sort of glad you’re here.” He paused. “Don’t know if I would’ve survived just your brother.” His laugh sounded strained, as if there was more he wanted to say, but it was a welcome sound all the same. 

The more time passed, the more commonplace those kinds of conversations were. When Enzo or you had a tough session, the other would slip into rambling about anything they could think of. Depending on how everything was timed, Damon would be there too, joining in but mostly listening to whoever was talking.

Even when years had passed and  you felt as though you had shared all your stories and talked about everything under the sun, you’d all sit around and pretend you hadn’t heard the same story seven times already just so that you could have something to laugh at again. So much so that George Lockwood became a running joke.

“I’m no George, but I know a thing or two about…” being a common one. “George would never,” and even better, because he was a dick, “George definitely would.”

One of these conversations, however, caught you off guard.

“I think we have a plan.” Enzo’s voice pulled you out of your pain induced exhaustion.

Shortly after, you pulled yourself up into a sitting position and pushed them to explain. Enzo told Damon about the Augustine’s party that was hosted every once in a while. They brought the vampires in cages upstairs and showed off everything they had learned through their torture, while scientists and other guests gawked at the monsters in captivity.

Because of how weak they kept the vampires, the people of Augustine didn’t really invest that much into security. If one of them were to have a little bit more strength, they could get out. Or attempt it anyway.

It was decided that Damon would get all of Enzo’s share of blood for the foreseeable future, as you couldn’t get nor give any of yours to either of them while being on the other side of the hall. Damon would then be able to overpower any of the Augustine scientists and get all three of them out when the time came.

“So, we’re actually gonna,” you cut yourself off. Even when whispering the fear that someone could overhear rocketed through you.

“Yeah, we are.” Damon reassured. “All of us.”

“So,” Enzo asked, quietly. Damon had fallen asleep some time ago, and you and Enzo had been sitting, staring at each other in silence since. “What’s the first thing your going to do when we get out?”

“Other than find someone to eat?” You smirked, matching his volume. Enzo chuckled, and nodded for you to give a real answer. Thinking for a moment, you knew there was no other answer. “I’m gonna fix things with Stefan. You?”

Enzo paused, then gave a half smile. “I’m gonna take you on a date.”

You almost choked on your saliva, your eyes going wide. His smile widened at your reaction, and you let out a nervous giggle before responding. “No really.”

“Really.” He said. “I’ve been sitting here, staring at the most amazing, wonderful creature in existence, being unable to do anything but admire for years.” Looking at him, there was never a moment where he looked more genuine in the whole time you had been here, and you could feel your heartbeat speed up at the realization.

“I’ll follow you anywhere, if you’d allow it, gorgeous.” The two of you held eye contact through the darkness. “But I’m starting with a date.”

You glanced away, checking to see that Damon was still asleep. “Uh huh. And,” you paused for a moment locking eyes with Enzo again. “Say I said yes to this date,” even in the darkness you could see his face light up, “how would that go?”

It seemed that smile was permanently etched on his face. “Well, I’m a little behind on the times, but I have a few ideas.”

You gestured for him to continue, keeping a smirk on your face like you weren’t dying to know what he would say next.

“I’m thinking flowers, a classic,” you nodded, echoing him. “I’d ask you to get all dressed up and take you somewhere that serves whatever you want, and we’d drink and dance and torment anyone who was rude to us through the night.” Your lips quirked upward without your say. “Then I’d take you to a clearing in the woods, or to a lake or wherever was close, and dance with you there under the stars.”

Enzo leaned forward slightly, and you found yourself doing the same. “Yeah?”

Chuckling quietly to himself, he continued. “Yeah. My favorite part is that the whole night I’d be teasing you. Flirting, and affectionate, and getting just close enough that you think at any point I’d kiss you. But,” He gave a shit eating grin. “I’m nothing if not a gentleman, and you’d be waiting all night until I drop you off at wherever you're staying before kissing you until you can’t breathe.”

“And if I invited you in?” Enzo raised his eyebrows at you. “Would you still be a gentleman then?”

“Well, now. Who would I be to deny you?”

The next few months you felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders. With every day you were one step closer to being free. It was obvious in all of you, the fear of it not working out was overshadowed by the hope and the belief that soon it would be over.

Laughter became lighter, the conversations became easier, and the pain felt like nothing. It was terrifying, but electrifying at the same time, especially for you and Damon.

The scientists at Augustine had decided that in order to make sure that the vampires were ready for being showcased, and that everything was perfectly prepared, they would end their “experiments” for a week before the event. You and Damon had already had your last session, and while you were worried for Enzo, all three of you were content with the knowledge that this was the last time you would ever see the nasty end of a scalpel.

“I never could get into reading. Especially now that they have films, why would I read something when now I can just watch it.” Damon’s voice rang loudly through the cell hall.

“You could never get into reading because you're an idiot, mate.” You laughed loudly at Enzo’s comment.

“He didn’t even grow up with you and he knows.”

Damon glared. “Ha ha ha, you’re hilarious.”

Enzo went to say something else, probably calling Damon another name, when the door to the hall opened and the tell-tale sound of gurney wheels rolling down the hall reverberated through their cells. Your heart sped up and you looked at Enzo, worried.

All of you knew what was coming. Enzo looked back at you, and smiled softly. Nodding his head at you, you watched as the scientist vervained Enzo and pulled him out of his cell.

His eyes never left yours as they laid him on the gurney and strapped him down, and as much as you wanted to look away, you held his gaze. Enzo clenched his jaw before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. As they wheeled him out, you whispered, “Just one more.”

This time, out of all the others, it was impossible to focus on anything other than his screams. It was almost as if they knew what the vampires had been planning and were making sure that they hurt Enzo as much as they could just one last time.

You could hear every disgusting sound that came with them ripping into him, and every whimper Enzo let out as a result. You swore you could ever hear the sound of tears dropping on the ground.

As time flew by in Augustine, you’d debated with yourself what the worst thing about it was. Was it the starvation? The torture? The looks of the scientists who saw you as an animal to dissect over and over and over again?

No, this was it.

Being forced to listen to Enzo cry out in pain for hours on end. Not even listening to Damon get hurt was this intense. As much as you hated to say it, growing up with him and your father had made you accustomed to your brother in pain. But with Enzo it was different.

Knowing that Enzo had been here, enduring this for so long by himself, only to deal with again every single day. A never ending nightmare in which you couldn’t do a damn thing about it. You couldn’t even hold him.

All you could do was sit and listen as he suffered, and hope that this time wouldn’t be the time that broke him, because if he broke, you knew that you would surely follow.

Hours passed by, in which the only thing that kept you sane was picturing him smiling, flirting with you as he always did just because he knew it would make you laugh. Finally, finally the screaming stopped.

You opted to stay silent while the scientists brought him back in. Pissing them off and potentially getting yourself attacked because of it didn’t seem like the best thing to do. As soon as they left the room, you were as close to the bars as you could be without being burned by the vervain.

“Enzo?” He didn’t respond. “Enzo?” You spoke a little louder, your voice trembling slightly.

He laid still, not even groaning, and even Damon looked slightly worried. He should’ve been healing faster than this, and he would’ve if he’d had more blood in his system.

“Enzo, please! Just, say something. Or move, or groan or something.” Your breath was caught in your chest. In the whole time you’d been here, you’d rarely seen him this bad.

After what felt like hours of waiting, Enzo finally stirred with a soft groan. “Enzo?”

He groaned again, unmoving despite having seemed to have gathered a small bit of strength. You glanced over to Damon’s cell where he looked just as concerned as you were.

Before you could say more, the scientist came back in and set down the tiny cups of blood in front of the cells and then promptly walked back out.

Enzo began moving then. Very slowly he made his way to the front of the cell and slowly slid his cup towards Damons cell.

“Wait, Enzo.” He paused, his face scrunched up as he looked at you. “You should take yours today.” You glanced at Damon who nodded at you. “You need to heal.”

“I’ll be fine, gorgeous.” His voice was scratchy and barely audible. Hearing it made tears that you had been holding off before gather in your eyes.

You slowly moved towards the front of your cell as you spoke. “I’m serious, Enzo. Damon can survive one day without it, you-”

“So can I.” For the first time since you’d got here, his piercing glare was on you instead of one of your torturers. “We need to stick to the plan.”

You sighed out in frustration. “We have been, and you're in so much pain you can barely move.” Leaning against the wall just before the bars, you watched as Enzo’s expression softened. “Please, just… Take a little at least, please.”

Enzo closed his eyes, on the verge of listening to your tearful begging, but ultimately shook his head. Sliding the cup the rest of the way, he mirrored your position against the wall and locked eyes with you. “Just a few more days, gorgeous. Then you can hold me till I feel better.”

You let your head fall back against the wall, and watched as Enzo tried to reassure you by smiling through the pain. “Fine,” as soon as the words left your mouth Damon had his hands on the cup. “But I’m mad at you for it.”

“I know.”

Finally. Finally. It was happening.

After five long, hard years, the day had come. Enzo had healed, eventually, Damon was stronger than everyone thought, and you were the focus of the scientists because of your previous attitude. Everything was coming together and in just a little longer, you would all be free.

You tried not to let it show on your face, but anytime you glanced at Enzo or Damon, you knew that you had the same light in your eyes as they did. All three of you were waiting for the perfect moment, hope was no longer just a distant sound you were clinging onto desperately. Your escape was right in front of you, practically pulling you towards it, and you were ready.

Men and women walked and talked all around you, though never too close to the cages despite believing they were perfectly safe. The smell of blood filled with vervain was all around you, and you were half tempted to drain one of them just so that they knew how it felt to feel the blood slowly leaving your body, unable to move or fight, knowing that the only thing you could do was wait for whatever you attacker decided to do with you.

Just one look at Enzo and you could tell he was debating the same thing.

One of the scientists from Augustine began talking, some long speech about his research and the saving of mankind. You rolled your eyes at that, and the man standing next to your cage tapped the side of it in warning.

Damon glanced over at you, nodding subtly. The men then moved to open Damon’s cage to show off their “domesticated vampire.” They pulled him out, and Damon played the part. Ducking his head and feigning exhaustion, the scientists let their guard down.

A woman got close to your cage while admiring Damon, and thus your part of the plan came into play. You snarled at her, lunging within your cage and ignoring the vervain lacing it.

The man watching over you immediately jumped into action, poking you with a wooden spear, also laced in vervain. Until the main scientist told him to stop.

He handed Damon over to two of the other scientists, and turned to you, motioning for the woman to back up and for someone to start undoing the door to your cage.

“You all must be wondering how we’ve accomplished such a feat. Making vampire’s docile and having them under our control.” Three men pulled you out of your cage, one of them holding a stake to your back just in case. “Most of it has to do with their diet, only giving them enough to stay alive and moving while we conduct our experiments, but the other part of our system is a little more, hands on.”

He grabbed one of the stakes from someone near him and plunged it into your stomach. “You see, with their healing capabilities not at full capacity, it doesn’t take much to render them useless.”

You gritted your teeth, holding back the scream you wanted to let out. Before you knew it, Damon had killed the two men holding him while everyone was focused on you. Chaos had broken out.

Everyone who wasn’t a part of Augustine began to run for their lives, while the ones who worked there tried getting him under control. But, just as you had planned, he was stronger than they expected him to be.

You threw the men on you away from you with what strength you had, snapping the neck of the main scientist who stood in front of you, paralyzed in shock and fear.

Damon went after the remaining Augustine employees while you tried getting Enzo’s cage open, hissing in pain at the vervain. In fighting off the humans, Damon had knocked over a lantern, and fire had begun to spread.

The smoke quickly filled up the room, and in your weakened state you could barely stand to be in the building.

“Go,” Damon came up behind you, covered in blood. “I’ll get him out, but you need to leave.” He grabbed your arms, steadying you when you continued fighting with the cage door. “I can’t carry you both.”

You glanced at Enzo, your breaths both speeding up in fear and becoming short and heavy from the fire. “Get out of here, watch out for any more of them coming.”

A second more passed before you nodded, and rushed out of the building. You took a deep breath, falling to your knees and feeling free for the first time in five years. Doing what Enzo had asked, you used your sensitive hearing to listen for any sounds in the woods, hoping that everyone from Augustine was lying dead in that building.

A few moments later, Damon came walking out of the building. You rushed over to him and pulled him into a hug, and he tensed when you looked around.

“Where’s Enzo?” He hung his head, and tried pushing you away from the building, eyes glimmering in guilt.

“We need to go.” He said, his voice tight and heavy. 

You pushed him away. “You-... No!” Rushing forward, you tried getting back into the building, but got stopped.

“We’re leaving. Now!” You shook your head violently, trying to fight your way through him, but he was too strong.

“I’m not leaving without him, Damon!” Tears began running down your face at the realization that Damon was going to leave him behind. “How could you- No!”

“Listen!” He stopped you, and at the look on his face, you did. Footsteps through the woods hit your ears. So many footsteps. “Someone saw the smoke and their coming, I can’t get the door open and the fire almost took everything.” He pulled you into a hug. “We can’t save him, kid.”

You held the hug for a moment, before gathering every bit of strength you had left in you, and shoved him away. Anger and sadness filled you. “Then I’ll die with him!”

Rushing back into the building, and leaving Damon behind, you appeared in front of Enzo’s cage. His eyes were sunken in and tears were streaming down them.

Enzo and you both started banging on the cage door, pulling and trying to break the lock. But between the fire, the vervain, and not having the strength to do anything, the cage door was winning.

The footsteps reached Enzo’s ears as the fire got closer and closer to him and you. A shock ran through him, and despite being hurt by Damon’s betrayal, he suddenly realized that he was right. You would die here with him if you didn’t leave.

Enzo said your name, yelling it when you didn’t respond. “You need to leave.”

At his words, you paused, eyes shooting up to him. “What? No!”

Your hands swiftly went back to trying to break the lock, ignoring the bright red burning of your flesh as you did. But Enzo wouldn’t have it. “Please, if you don’t leave you’ll die!”

“I don’t care!”

His hands shot through the bars and grabbed yours. “Well I do!”

You could hear men trying to push their way through the fallen ceiling debris, forcing their way closer to you on one side, while the fire got closer on the other.

“I will see you again, I promise you.” Enzo spoke quickly, his undead heart beating faster and faster at the thought of you dying for him. “But you need to leave, run please!”

Tears fell faster and faster down your face, and a crash sounded behind you, men shouting. “I love you!” You said, holding his hand for the first time. “I love you, Enzo.”

He squeezed your hands in his own, his expression a mixture of sorrow and elation that mirrored yours.

“Then live for me.”

You ducked out into the woods, running as fast as you could, which given all the vervain in your system from the stake from earlier and the men chasing you down, wasn’t very fast even for a human.

Stumbling around, you could barely see in front of you, tears blinding your vision. The sound of running behind you kept you going though, you would not be taken back. Not after everything.

A sound up ahead of you caught your attention, and the smell of human blood invaded your senses. Another vampire?

You pushed your way through the trees, heading towards the sound hoping you would run into another of your kind. If anything they’d probably kill the men with stakes and vervain and leave you to die, or at least be a distraction for you to get away.

An arrow whizzed past your head and you narrowly dodged a second one. The third however, struck you in the leg. The burning of vervain entering your system hit you immediately.

You cried out, pushing forwards still. “You fuckers!”

In moments, you came upon a man, no, he was a vampire. An older gentleman in a suit, feeding on a woman. He eyed you curiously before another arrow shot through the air, striking you in the back.

“Please,” you whimpered, shoving yourself towards the man who dropped the woman’s body to catch you. “Help me.”

“Hold on.”

The man set you on the ground, before leaving to go after the men who were chasing you. Their screams filled your ears, and you would’ve smirked had you not been sobbing on the ground.

Damning Damon for leaving Enzo behind, damning yourself for not being able to save him, and damning Enzo, most of all, for making you fall in love with him.

A silence fell over the woods, and you slipped in and out of delirium. You felt yourself choking on your own breath, your face wet with tears and blood, the man from before hovered over you.

Though you could tell he was speaking, no sound reached your ears. The only thing to leave your lips before slipping into the darkness being, “I’m sorry.”

[awkward-tension-art]

Bacta and Bandages Chp.3 (Rex x Reader)

Chapter 2. Chapter 4.

First Mission

CW: Clone mistreatment, Medical procedures, needles, Death, destruction, mentions of an epidemic, nothing graphic, Reader is gender neutral, no use of (Y/N), reader is a doctor, if I miss a tag LMK!

Minors DNI also this is MINIMALLY PROOFREAD

You had a couple of weeks to establish yourself and settle with the 501st. It worked out well, because it allowed you to get to know the soldiers more.

Plus, no mission meant you had some free time to learn mando’a. It was basic at best, but you knew how to greet someone and find out where their pain is located, as well as other basic conversation.

It’s what you were doing at the moment. As you tidied up the medical bay, the robotic voice of a teaching droid came from the datapad on your desk. The holo was a program fit more for academy students, but you had to start somewhere.

“Ni cuy' a baar'ur,” You had managed to gear the learning towards medical language. Just to let you do your job better for the clones. Currently, the program was going over what to say when dealing with a patient.

“Very good. Where is your pain?”

“Vaii cuyir gar aaray?” You paused. The word for pain, aaray, always sounded off to you, “Vaii cuyir gar aaray?” Your words repeated.

You felt your damn soul leave your body when another voice interrupted.

“Ner kov'nyn bal ner haalas.” Rex was standing in the doorway, one hand on his hip, the other held his helmet. 

You didn’t know the exact sentence, and you had to think for a moment before looking up at him, “Head and…chest?”

He smirked and nodded, “That’s correct.” the captain stepped to your desk and looked at the holo-program that was still waiting for a response from you. “You’re learning Mando’a?”

“I thought it might help the troopers feel more comfortable,” You approached, tapping the tablet and pausing the holo-program, “I hope that's alright…” 

“It's more than alright, it's…it's a wonderful thought.” Rex had a genuine smile, “The men will appreciate it.” However, he cleared his throat, “However, General Skywalker needs you on the bridge.” 

Your heart raced, did something happen? Did you do something wrong?

“It’s about our next mission.” The captain explained, most likely catching your rising anxiety, “It's a relief mission, and your expertise with medical care is needed.” 

Oh! The breath you let out was one of relief, “Yes, of course…let's go to the bridge then.” 

The walk was quick. You’ve gotten used to the halls and paths of the venator now. Though, admittedly, you’ve gotten terribly lost a couple times. Once, you ended up in the reactor section and if you hadn’t found R2-D2, you’d have to embarrass yourself by asking a soldier to help guide you.

Once on the bridge, you saluted the general and commander in greeting, “You called for me, sir?”

Anakin Skywalker nodded, “We need your expertise, doctor,” He tapped a button on the console, bringing up a holomap of a planet with 4 moons, “The planet of Cherenity had a planet-wide epidemic and a series of natural disasters that caused total societal collapse. There were riots, famine, civil war and complete chaos.”

You frowned, but let him continue. 

“The Jedi have been called to try and help rebuild and offer relief. We need your help in dealing with the wounded and establishing medical care again.” He finished, standing up. He put his hands behind his back and looked at you, “What do you say?”

Ah. set up a medical center, help with supplies and maybe teach some procedures to the locals. 

You raised a hand to your chin, mentally working out the logistics, “One hospital for an entire planet will be overwhelmed. I’d like to have Kix with me to help deal with the injured.” Your eyes met Rex’s, “If that's alright with you, Captain.”

“He’s all yours.” He nodded. 

You smirked, and turned back to face General Skywalker, “When do we arrive?”

“We have an hour to prepare.” He informed everyone, “Thank you, Doctor. Get to work everyone. Dismissed.”

First mission…

You’d be a liar if you didn’t say you were nervous. Yes, you were a capable doctor. But…

Well, in soldier terms, you were no better than a shiny. A rookie.

You were in the hangar double checking the crates of supplies when Kix approached and saluted, “Doctor, I’ve been informed I will be aiding you in this mission.”

Your tone was calm and even, “You and I are going to help establish something of a medical care center for the survivors on Cherenity,” You looked over to him, “But, this will be my first mission, and I’m a doctor before I’m a soldier…I might follow your lead if the situation calls for it.”

He gave you an understanding smile, “I remember my first mission…It can be overwhelming but you’ll get used to it,” The medic melted into a friendly, approachable attitude, “Since it’s a relief mission, it should be easy. But if there's any danger I’ll show you what to do.” 

How kind. Very polite too.

“Thank you, Kix.” 

Before you loaded up, you checked your gear. Because of your rank and position, you didn’t wear the same heavy, clunky armor as the other soldiers. You were outfitted with movement and supplies in mind. Armor was minimal, only enough to protect your chest, calves and wrists. The uniform, made of protective yet light material, was red and white, indicating your medical personnel status.

In a perfect galaxy, this would mean no one would try to kill you. But…well, war crimes weren’t unheard of. Sometimes adversaries would specifically target medics.

With a calming breath, you stepped on the gunship with Kix and a few other soldiers and prepared yourself mentally. There were certain things you were worried about. With no sterile location, infection rates would be high. Plus, even if the disease that caused the epidemic had killed all of its hosts, it may still be present on the planet. 

And you had no idea how it was spread.

“Something wrong, Doctor?” A trooper next to you noticed. He was a ‘shiny’ judging by his pure white armor. 

“I don’t know yet,” you responded, “Do your helmets have protection against contaminants in the air? Like a virus perhaps?” Your question seemed to startle the poor shiny. 

It was a trooper with a painted flower on his chest that answered, “We have temporary protection. Though it only lasts long enough for us to get out of an area, not really stay in it. Maybe a couple minutes at most.”

You nodded, “We know nothing about this virus that contributed to the planet's collapse. If you, or any trooper feels unwell, come to me.”

Another soldier to your left, Steele, you believe his name is, let out a soft laugh, “Don’t worry about us, Doc. We’re not meant to be a priority.”

“I’ll prioritize whoever I want, thank you.” You responded, just as the gunship landed and the doors opened. 

You stepped off, taking in your surroundings. 

Devastation. The capital of Cherenity, Fushi, from what you could tell, used to be an active, beautiful city. But now, it was a shadow of its former self. The ruins and rubble looked like the buildings used to be made of marble and glass. Now, it was all…destroyed. broken, painted glass was everywhere. Craters littered the formerly stone streets. Smoke billowed at multiple locations in the distance. Occasionally, blaster shots echoed around the ruins, bouncing off the once beautiful walls. 

Your heart twisted.

This was war. You signed up expecting destruction, but not…this….

Kix put a hand on your shoulder, “Doctor?”

“I’m fine.” you shook your head, getting yourself together, “Just…didn’t expect this.”

“You’ll get used to it.” Steele responded, unloading a crate of supplies.

You weren’t sure if that made you feel better or worse. 

You made it to the center of the broken, desolate city. That’s where the Cherians had tried to maintain some semblance of civilization. Innocent people were living either in haphazard tents or the surely dangerously unstable remains of the buildings around.

As you and your group made your way forward, the Cherians pause what they were doing to watch you. 

They were humanoid, with skin tones that ranged from bright red to deep purple that were dotted with scales. All of them had horns of various shapes and sizes that poked out from hair of many different colors as well. Their eyes were all solid white, pupiless and glowing. Among them were some humans, twi’lek and other races as well. 

That didn’t strike you as odd. After all, a planet capital such as Fushi would have a lot of diversity.

You pressed your com at your wrist and raised it to your lips, “General, we’ve made it to where the survivors are camping.”

After a second, Anakin’s voice came through the other end, “Good, start unloading supplies. Ahsoka and I have been…held up.” 

As soon as the Jedi finished speaking, Rex’s voice came through the com, “All units, be advised, thieves and pirates are in the area and may target the supplies and the civilians.”

Fuck…

You swallowed and shared a look with Kix, you were about to speak before getting interrupted by an approaching Cherian. Her pure white hair trailed behind her and her horns gave height over the troopers. Her skin was a soft lavender and she had an aura of peace and calm. 

“Peace,” She greeted, “I am Zenial Ill’ty the Senator of Cherenity.”

Senator? Why isn’t she on Coruscant? Did she come home to try and help the devastation?

“Ma’am,” You nodded in greeting, “General Skywalker is on his way with more supplies, in the meanwhile, I’m his battalion's doctor and am here to help reestablish medical care.” 

Zenial gave you a smile and bowed, “Thank you, healer of the 501st. What is left of our city is open to you. Most of the injured are located at the north end of our camp.”

You bowed to her and motioned for the troopers carrying medical supplies to follow. Kix was beside you as your steps lead you beyond a half shattered green building. Behind it, was the injured and sick. 

There had to have been a few hundred at least. Walking among them were Cherians wearing the same medical symbol as you. However, it was clear they were overwhelmed and unable to help without proper equipment, medicine and housing. 

You steeled yourself. You were a doctor. You worked in a hospital on Coruscant’s lower levels, and that wiped away any naivety you had even before the war. You remained silent, eyes roaming the people and bodies. 

From visual confirmation, you guessed the few doctors had set up ‘zones’ by severity of wounds and illness. 

Good. It made your job easier. 

With a steading breath, you got to work. 

You prioritized those with the most severe wounds. Internal injuries, amputations, massive amounts of blood loss…Your focus was razor sharp as you tended to those you could. The supplies in your pack dwindled to nothing quickly, much to your frustration.

Perhaps it was your expectations. Or maybe it was how you worked in the hospital, but you burned through the supplies in your pack trying to save everyone. 

A twi’lek, with royal blue skin and yellow eyes wheezed and sputtered as you tried to fix his burnt and ripped heart. According to his young daughter, he was searching for food when thieves shot him. It was sheer will that he survived this long. 

You reached for more bacta, only to be stopped by Kix, “Doctor, there isn’t anything else you can do.”

My old mentor told me those words once. You remembered. It was the first patient you had ever lost. A drunken speeder accident. You’d never forget it as their heart stopped beating under your hands.

“But…he can be saved. I know he can.” Your eyes must’ve been wide and confused, “I’ve seen worse wounds.”

The medic next to you had an understanding look, “Maybe in a proper hospital. But on the field…we don’t have the luxury.”

You looked down at the twi’lek, taking in his severe wounds. 

Kix is right. 

You made sure his daughter held his hand as you injected him with painkillers. He drifted off to sleep and was dead within minutes. 

Move on. There are others. 

At some point as you tended to the wounded, General Skywalker and Commander Tano had arrived with food, water and some ‘society rebuilding’ technology. It was hours later when you had gotten done with the most severe patients and were able to get the Cherian healers together to start planning properly. You did your best to ignore how the General watched your moves. 

He was most likely testing you. Making sure you could handle this.

“You’ll need clean water,” You explained, looking over your datapad, “The biggest worry is infection. You can save a life but lose them later to the same wound if it's not kept clean.” Your steps weaved through the wounded patients. Some were already much better than when you arrived, and others were resting peacefully, finally having their pain managed.

“You’ll need to boil the water at the very least to sterilize it,” Your words didn’t falter even after passing by the General who was with Captain Rex, “Same for metal scalpels and other tools. Put them in boiling water to clean them at the very least.”

Kix, who had been walking beside you, handed you a holomap of the immediate area. Once you activated it, you began to plan the new medical center for the Cherians, “It would be best if you had the injured in the most stable building, here.” You pointed at one of the more stable, least destroyed glass and marble building on the map, “The cover will be imperative for those with more severe injuries and illnesses. I’ve had some of the troopers make sure the supports are-”

One of those following you spoke up, “Can we trust what an artificial human says?” 

That question screeched your mind to a halt. You blinked, dumbfounded at the bluntness from the individual in front of you. Your mind had to take a minute to process what you heard.

After getting your thoughts together, you responded, “The troopers are hardworking, reliable men. I trust what they say.”

The Cherian opened their mouth, “But-”

You couldn’t hold back the venom in your words as you cut them off, “Do I need to repeat myself or are we going to have a problem?” Your eyes bore into the individual, practically daring them to argue with you. 

“...No, Doctor.” 

“Good.” Immediately, your tone became calmer, “Now, let's continue.”

Unknown to you, Captain Rex saw your exchange, he couldn’t help the small smile on his lips as you walked away. 

Anakin elbowed his side, smirking at his captain.