#gender dysphoria can make all of this extremely painful to talk about

[minlex]

Wish we could talk about the complex relations between womanhood and trans experiences in a feminist way without everyone going fucking rabid insane

[yanderestarangel]

HEADCANONS MIGUEL O'HARA | FTM O'HARA X FTM READER

˚｡⋆.☆TW: afab anatomy, praise, t4t, use of testosterone, mention of dysphoria, fingering, smut, soft!boyfriend miguel, eat out, switch!miguel.

˚｡⋆.☆ I just wanted to write about ftm miguel ohara for a while now, I had never seen a ftm miguel x ftm reader, so... I wrote it.

♡ ₊ ˚— Contrary to what everyone at spidersociety thinks, dating Miguel is a happy and comforting experience, especially when you share the same struggle, experience and pain - being trans men - he is much more open to a debate when he knows that you. He is also an FTM person, thus beginning a calm friendship that in the future led to the two of you dating.

♡ ₊ ˚— However, obviously, O'Hara will not fall in love with you just because you two are equal, but because he saw in you a more peaceful and welcoming future, away from the pain that being a Spider-Man brought, he lost a daughter and he doesn't want to lose you either. He is a lonely, rude man, but deep down, he just needs to be loved too - if you are his safe haven, he will be yours.

♡ ₊ ˚— He will want to know everything about how you feel about your body, gender, etc. If you want to make a complete transition like him - major surgery, testosterone etc - he won't hesitate to recommend the same doctors who took care of him and will also go to every appointment you go to. Miguel will always be by your side, helping you make the best decisions to be comfortable with yourself, he will even give you the list of exercises he does and also help you train every day. However, if you don't want to touch anything and you feel good about your body, it will support you in the same way, regardless of everything, Miguel O'Hara is your boyfriend and respects you more than anything in the multiverse.

♡ ₊ ˚— If you suffer from dysphoria, he will find a way to make you see the incredible man you are, he will praise you, talk to you and use all the resources he can to make you feel good about yourself, Hugging you for hours and leaving you in his lap while he listens to your every outburst, running his hand down your back while whispering that everything is going to be okay.

♡ ₊ ˚— Miguel likes you to kiss or trace with your finger the scars from his top surgery, whenever he is shirtless, sweaty after a list of exercises, he will show off for you - he is attention-starved, Please pay attention to Miguelito - he will stand in front of you, smiling seductively as he watches you drool over his physique. "-You can touch me if you want, mi amor..." He would speak in a provocative tone, but soon the leader's 'don juan' banner would fall, when he saw you kiss his scars, making him blush and let out a soft moan, taking his big hands to your hair and caressing the locks, you are his soft spot... And he doesn't mind being a soft boyfriend with you.

♡ ₊ ˚— O'Hara also likes to hold your hand every time he gives himself testosterone injections. He's not afraid of needles, after all, he needs to apply ruptures too to make himself weaker. However, every time he applies it, being with you by his side is a refreshing sight, it's a quick action but one that means a lot to him and to you too. The futuristic Spider-Man will always hug you afterwards... But be prepared to also deal with the uncontrollable lust he gets after that.

♡ ₊ ˚— Miguel likes to fuck you, and be fucked. He will return home with a dripping pussy after an extremely stressful tiring day, the Mexican will not even give you time to think straight, just lifting you over his shoulder and taking you to the surface closest to the house - opening your thighs , exposing your pussy to him while he brought his lips to your core, hungrily licking your wet skin. “-Give me that pussy, be a good boy...” Miguel growls out, fucking you with his fingers and tongue at the same time. His own pussy twitches in anticipation as he continues to tease and tantalize you. "-So fucking good..," he mutters between suckles - Miguel pushed four fingers inside of you, curving them upward towards your G-spot. You let out a gasp of surprise at the intense stimulation causing waves of pleasure to course through your body. "-Like that?" He'll make you cum first, and then you'll be able to return the favor.

♡ ₊ ˚— O'Hara will rub himself against your face, his pussy dripping, taking extreme care not to hurt you with his weight. “-Fuck... cariño...” Miguel groans loudly into the room. “-Suck my clit harder... make me cum all over your tongue.” He feels your mouth enveloping his pussy, the warm wetness enclosing him in a way that sends shivers down his spine. His hips buck involuntarily against your face as he reaches out for your head, trying to guide it further downwards. He will shake and moan over your mouth, holding your hair tightly.

♡ ₊ ˚— He and you have a variety of sex toys, especially a custom-made and technological strap-on, which sends waves of pleasure through his pussy with each thrust he makes in your cunt. You'll be able to fuck him too, Miguel really doesn't mind letting you take control sometimes. He will want to be praised too, things like that. "-Such a good boy for me" "-Fuck Miguel, you are so beautiful fucking my pussy like that" "-I love you so much mi guapo" among others, make the brunete blush and whimper with pleasure, especially if you suck your nipples him, while fucking him until you're both a shaking, sweaty mess on the bed - he also loves to dominate you and talk dirty to you when it's his turn to dominate you. Things like: “-You make me so fucking wet.”, "-Let loose all those dirty thoughts about me… say them.", “-You like this? Wanting me so bad that even my pussy craves yours?", "-Do you want me to finger-fuck you hard and fast? Or should I take my time, exploring every inch of you?", "-Cumming soon mi amor..."

♡ ₊ ˚— Miguel also likes the 'scissor' position, making your two clits touch, a wet mess from both of your overstimulated pussies - he'll hold you close to him with his strong arms, dictating the speed - Or, he'll hold you close make you rub your pussy against his muscular thighs, while teasing you, just breaking you to the point of seeing you squirt on him, but, you can also do the same, kissing him while fingering every creamy wall of your spider boyfriend.

♡ ₊ ˚— After you two exhaust your energy fucking all over the house, he'll make sure you're okay, cleaning you up and kissing you, whispering how you pleased him and how lucky he is to have you in his life. The two of you will sleep cuddled together afterwards, with Miguel reassuring you and telling you that you can sleep in peace, that he will be there when you wake up.

©YANDERESTARANGEL 2023

[kittyit]

This is a long and loaded ask so feel free to delete but it's completely earnest

I've been a radfem for about 3-4 years now (radfemhagen but I got termed) and honestly I still struggle w genuine dysphoria. All the reading, critical thinking, talking w detrans women is definitely eye opening and helped me but it hasn't healed me of my ~gender feels~ if you know what I mean. I remember trying to get tips from other blogs but all I remember was something about doing physical labor with other women or just being around other women but that isn't helping either, I'm so disgusted by my female body and how I'm seen (especially by men and especially as a lesbian) and it's just getting worse. I've been thinking about going on a low dose of T even but I know there's other options to coping, like there HAS to be SOMETHING. I can't just will it out anymore.

Help a gyn out

this and it's probably better saved for an essay but i felt moved to respond to you straight up. i'm going to explain three really important parts of my journey to a place where i almost never experience the intense and life-disrupting distress around my sex (diagnosed as dysphoria) except in times of extreme stress, and even then it's fleeting.

one essential thing i did was stop thinking of transition as an option for myself. this is something i see a lot of detrans/desisted women struggle with. i think this is a mental trap. "if i don't feel better in x amount of time or when i do x, i'll transition" removes the urgency and necessary nature of working through the distress around your sex. i've written in a few pieces about when my girlfriend max asked me to not do it 3 days before my first t shot, it genuinely felt like the last light in a dark harbor going out. i felt utterly hopeless. i felt like my last solution had been taken from me and i would never feel better.

i came to my decision to never pursue transitional medicine first through listening from my girlfriend and other detrans women. to take seriously the pain & trauma detrans women go through. to listen when they said this did not help me, this was not help, it did not fix these feelings of distress. to listen to detrans women is to understand that transitional medicine is an unethical practice being done by unethical practitioners. it's also to understand that this solution is not what it's presented as. taking these women's experiences and analysis seriously meant ruling it out as a coping mechanism for myself, ever. but there are so many reasons to make the decision not to participate in transition medicine - political & practical. not giving money to surgeons who traffic in literal female flesh. not wanting to risk all of the under-studied, ignored negative long-term health effects. not wanting to signal to the women around you that there is no way to survive as a woman like you without transitional medicine. defiance of new patriarchal expectations for women like you. defiance of the pressures that tell you that this is the thing that will make you feel better - like makeup, like labiaplasty, like breast implants, like an elective double mastectomy. defiance in general.

so the first thing was to stop thinking of transitioning as an option. i said no. the second thing was to stop thinking of my distress as dysphoria. to un-diagnose myself with this word that means i need to take T and get a mastectomy and undergo phalloplasty to have a chance of ever being happy. you mention disgust for your body, you mention disgust for how you're seen by men and as a lesbian. disgust for yourself on these points is anger at patriarchy, lesbian-hating society & men turned inward on yourself instead of the people who deserve it. it's an impulse of someone dealing with oppression to blame one's self for it and think there are things we can do to escape it. it's no different than a woman trapped in domestic violence obsessing over what she could have done differently to not set him off this time - the right dinner, place setting, clothing & tone. the idea that woman- and lesbian-hating can be escaped as easily as transitional medicine claims it can is simply not true. the experiece of a woman who passes as a man is another exerperience of womanhood, still under the bell jar of misogyny.

what helped me with these feelings of distress was pinpointing exactly where they came from and what they meant. i know this isn't helpful for everyone. but it's almost like going deeper and deeper on the feeling make it more and more clear what needed to be addressed. here's one spiral to the center: i want to chop off my tits → why? → i hate my breasts → why? → they feel ugly and disgusting → why? → i got them so young, they're so large and people stare → why does that bother you? → i feel so ugly and out of place → why does that bother you? → i feel so alone and worthless → how do you feel? → i feel lonely → what do you need? → i need connection.

"i want to chop off my tits" is not a coherent feeling - every human alive has complex reasons for the things they say, think and do. if you can get to the bottom of where these sensations and feelings and disturbances diangosed as dysphoria are coming from, you can figure out how to address them. what is the feeling at the bottom, what is going unaddressed? and quite honestly a lot of the time it's not an easy answer. sometimes the answers are super hard to grapple with. sometimes the need cannot be fulfilled or are very difficult to fulfill. but once you've decided that transition is not on the table, the quest to find those answers becomes a lot more essential.

this isn't something anyone is really meant to do alone. when i hear you say you hate being seen as a lesbian and how men treat you, i hear an inherent isolation in that. i could be wrong, i know a lot of people can still feel lonely when they have a strong support system, but i would say the majority of women do not have the kind of friend group and number of connections they need to be socially supported. so another big part of this is breaking out of isolation and being around other women who "get it" - whether virutally or in real life. humans are a pack animal and this is an isolating age.

so that's my three parter to your question

1. say no to transitional medicine

2. undiagnose yourself with dysphoria and instead figure out why you're feeling what you're feeling

3. seek out friendship, community, and ways of thought that can help you address those feelings

[tirfpikachu]

it's okay to call out a dysphoric person being comically out of touch, not realizing how gender conforming their lives are irl and how they benefit from it… but you can't assume that the person is inherently suffering less from dysphoria internally. dysphoria is a disorder. and like any other disorder, the ableist rhetoric - both for mental and physical disorders - that you can easily tell how much someone is suffering merely by their appearance actually can cause harm to people invisibly suffering. and that includes dysphoric people.

the very stereotypical visibly gnc trans person might face more gncphobia and overt transphobia yet suffer less from dysphoria, or not at all. yet a more gender conforming trans person might be suffering like crazy internally and be extremely debilitated, even housebound from dysphoria. both people need support and need to be good allies to one another. both people can be out of touch and say batshit crazy things about experiences they don't understand.

people who don't face overt gncphobia & transphobia have privilege from it and need to be aware of it and acknowledge it.

people who suffer less or not at all from dysphoria need to uplift more dysphoric voices, even if those dysphoric voices are conforming irl.

dysphoria is an often debilitating disorder. just like any mental disorder, they need the same amount of reasonable accommodations as we would give any other dysphoric person. just because this person is a they/them female person who identifies as a nonbinary woman doesn't mean she internally suffers any less than a more stereotypical trans guy. at my very worst dysphoria-wise, i sometimes looked outwardly more conforming than in my healthier days. this is also because i had worked hard on unlearning internalized sexism and teaching myself that men can be feminine and women can be masculine, and that trying to wear more masculine things wouldn't make me any closer to being male bc clothes say nothing about one's sex. i know other trans people who did a lot of that inner work, and now are told they must be fake, they must not be dysphoric any longer for being transmasc femboys or transfem tomboys etc. if we want the trans community to fight its sexism problem, we need to welcome those who no longer associate clothes with sex yet still have dysphoria. we need to welcome the transmascs who are more feminine yet still have top/bottom dysphoria, and the transfems who are more masculine yet still yearn from hrt & surgeries. if we are to treat dysphoria as a disorder, and want it to be properly treated, and heal the dysphoria that can be healed to prevent detransitions, we need to apply the same logic that disabled activists & mental health activists advocate for and dispell the myth that invisibly disordered folks inherently suffer less. i may be in a wheelchair but someone else might have worse pain and worse struggles than me in many areas; i may have more serious sounding disorders mentally but the person with generalized anxiety might suffer a trillion times more than i do on a day-to-day basis.

we radfems on the more tirfy side, or simply radfems who care deeply about dysphoric people - a big amt of us having a history of dysphoria ourselves or dysphoric friends - need to work on creating a stable balance between calling out the comically out-of-touch takes trans people who don't face gncphobia irl often say, and being aware of our own kneejerk ableist reactions to someone not looking "dysphoric enough" who talks about their own personal struggles.

[spesemen]

I love ur pc so much I was wondering can you explain their backstory or background if you have one

OMG THANK YOU…he does in fact have lore which is unfinished but ill share with you anyways!!

Disclaimer; Crowley’s lore is pretty distant to what actually happens ingame except major events (bro survived the deserted island).

Crowley’s an enigmatic orphan who was instituted at a fairly late age, at around 11 years. They’re very talkative and will rant about basically anything but their past, always avoiding the conversation or straight up refuting to talk about it.

The truth is he’s got some bone to pick with the religious circle in the town, having been a subject to extreme rituals in honor to The Wraith. Actually if you were to see him bare, you’d notice a lot of dry scars which seem like carvings. Ironically enough one of the reasons of avoidance of his past is because he suffers from traumatic amnesia, and some of these memories are really fuzzy. What they do remember is the feeling of a cold blade cutting against his back while others chanted for mercy, and being devoid of any emotion, numb from the pain.

In his first years on the orphanage he never talked to anyone, afraid he'd lash out or say too much, but also, in the back of his mind, he was terrified for everything he got away from to repeat all over again. That was until Robin came up who, even with their own problems at hand, decides to approach Crowley and slowly help them open up.

He's very forgiving to everyone, no matter how much pain theyve brought him, which has caused a lot of trouble. In terms of relationship they're the closest to Kylar and Robin, but Sydney is up there and Whitney and them have a love-hate relationship. Whitney gets upset over how Crowley doesnt seem to hold any grudge and will take the punishment almost as if it was nothing, which is the case in fact. As for Ivory Wraith, Crowley feels like they've seen them somewhere, at a time where pain is all they knew. It hurts looking at the Wraith's eyes, to think about them, to fight against them.

For these reasons his story revolves a lot around the Ivory Wraith and its cult, which is based on some events ive gone through in his playthrough and twisted them a little.

In more of an ooc explanation, Crowley is a very self indulgent character who touches topics very personal to me, such as dysphoria, gender norms, mental disorders, past struggles and so on. I still need to polish it a little but i'll probably make a proper form for when i have it!!

Again im very thankful that you're interested in my character, so if there are any doubts feel free to reach me out ^_^ have this little doodle i made a while ago!

[thatmahblog]

The 3rd gender was legalized 2 years ago where I live and the government has been trying to avoid the decision of the court and postpone its application ever since. They made a commity to think about what the right thing to do is and it includes 0 trans or non-binary person. We got "sex" change certificates and new birth certificates, but what they refused this whole time was to update any IDs, rendering that "X" completely useless.

Anyways, the news came out and the law that passed 1131 days ago will finally be (fully) applied on October 10 (we get to have IDs that correspond to our legal identities!) People, like me, have been without a valid ID or valid (obligatory)(government) health insurance, this whole time, because they refused to give us IDs.

Huzzah!

I'm still angry.

First of all, that atrocious commity has not been called off, somehow. But let me paint you a picture, if you will listen to my story. I am so angry and wounded and nobody around me seems to give a shit.

The year is 2022, I am rejoiced that the X has been legalized and painstakingly fillout forms, back and forth, by (physical) mail. I have already burnt out and screamed in agony before from the absolute bullshit™ that changing my name was. I am sick and tired of seeing my chosen name next to an "F" and being called "mam'" everywhere I go, regardless of if they've seen my face or heard my voice yet.

After a long wait I get my papers and go to the health center to fill the paperwork to get my new ID. It's recent, their paperworks are not up to date, no surprise there, my standards are below the ground. I get lucky and this extremely nice employee does everything he can to figure this out for me. He writes out X on the form and we attach a copy of my certificate. Now I wait again.

My new card arrives in the mail! I can feel it through the envelop, I am buzzing with glee.

There's an "F" on the card.

I collapse on the floor of my appartment, scream and cry and call off work because I am having a mental breakdown.

Small independent online news cover the story of non-binary folks being deprived of an ID. Months of silence. Major news network finally publish something (nobody talks about it). The gorvernment says they'll put up a commity to make a wise decision about what is best to do with IDs (even if the law has already passed). Months and months and months pass.

The year is 2024, I have made a lot of advocacy and shared my strife about this whole shitshow two years ago. People who are close to me know, because I fucking care about my human rights being respected, being treated like a human being with dignity and the law being respected where it fucking should. I share the news that this great injustice who has caused undue pain to thousands is finally to be rectified.

Nobody.

Nobody fucking says anything or react to my post in any way at all.

And I remember all the way back when I got my name on my ID and I happily boasted it to others as a great news and as I was met with indifference, felt a pang in my chest.

Nobody cares.

It matters so much, it is life changing, I have done everything I could to properly express and explain this. There is so much pain and injustice and where there should finally be joy and celebration I am met with a void.

It's grim, but with the growing transphobia internationally, I fret and wonder : how much of this silence, of this show of indifference, is hatred, disgust, or rejection? Does my life mean so little to you? Do you not see trans rights as human rights? Do you not see trans people as human?

I don't know, I'm just really tired. I fought so hard for this, and it hurt a lot. I got treated like shit and saw my rights denied. I dealt with dysphoria and gritted my teeth, trying to forget about that damn X, 'lest it rot my brain with anger and grief. And finally, though I don't want to believe it till I see it, it truly seems like what I wanted and waited for this whole time is finally within reach...

I'm angry. I'm sad.

I'm hurt

I wish I wasn't.

I shouldn't have to be.

[blueraspberrycoke]

Best college research is in USA cost vs degree use which has a list of schools, this gives you the best loan for degree cost of the degree is the goal. Look at that and the subject then online at the best cross matches. Unless you want a social experience mostly then whatever vibes. Listen you know anti-trans bigotry like in your about has NO ethical point in feminism, it's just bigotry.

Thank you for the advice on college :)

I'm not a bigot. I'm not anti-trans. I don't think trans people are inherently evil. But I do not believe you can change your biological sex. I do not believe allowing trans women into women's sports, changing rooms, sexualities (lesbians being pressured to date trans women), etc. is good for women and girls. It's not just a belief I have, it's factually proven to be dangerous to put TW in women's prisons (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and in bathrooms (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 [5 is written by a trans woman]).

I'm not saying I hate trans people or that I don't trust them or that teens/children who identify as transgender are "broken" or "wrong" like people have said I do. I think we have manipulated an entire generation of lesbians and homosexual boys (though not all trans-identified people are homosexual/bisexual) into believing they have to be the opposite sex. We've lied to dysphoric teens and told them they're going to die if they don't recieve gender-affirming care (see all the posts on the protecttranskids, transgenocide, transrights etc. hashtags).

This is also evident in that anytime you question someone who says trans people are experiencing a genocide, especially a younger person (like a teenager who gets all their information from Instagram and TikTok) they actually can't come up with a single example. Even when they bring up the so-called "anti-trans legislature" being passed in the United States, they can't name any specific bans, because that actually does not exist. What I linked for you is HB1276, which, if you read it, allows minors who underwent sexual reassignment surgery to sue their doctors up to 30 years after they turn 18 for malpractice if they regret surgery. Trans Legislation Tracker labels this an "anti-trans" bill.

They have reason to regret it, too. Lupron, the drug administered in FtM transition to dysphoric females, has painful and sometimes deadly side effects that gender-affirming medical clinics will not disclose with you in full. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Also, a disproportionate amount of FtM females are autistic, homosexual, and depressed. I care especially about these women because I'm eighteen, autistic, and a lesbian, so I really resonate with their pain and struggle. I'm not disgusted by transgender individuals and I'm not angry with them. I feel terrible for them. And I want to help.

What I think we have in the world now is an extreme lack of education. It's harming girls and women my age, when there are more affordable and better options. We've known for a long time doctors will push medicines that don't work/shouldn't be as expensive as they are in order to make money (I'm talking about things like selling insulin for $500 a vial. I'm not talking about things like vaccines.).

If you want to change your name and use other pronouns, cool, fine, whatever. I don't care what you do with your life, your money, and your time. But don't call yourself male or female when you're not. See my pinned post for why doing so harms women and men.

Transgenderism is motivated by misogyny. Go to any of the subreddits created for TW (r/Egg_irl, r/MtF, r/transgender [though that one contains trans men also]) and you'll see in every "How I knew I was trans" post that these people consider being female synonymous with being feminine, and it isn't. I'm not feminine. Does that make me a man? No. It just makes me a nonfeminine woman.

I'm not denying the existence of gender dysphoria. Many of my mutuals are desisted females who still struggle with it. But hormone therapy/SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) are very clearly not the answer. I hope this helps you understand my position better. I also hope I've not come across as condescending or patronizing in any way.

[contagious-watermelon]

It's interesting to me that understandings of transsexuality have been almost exclusively filtered through the lens of queerness and the social aspects of gender. In other words, that the "T" was added to "LGBT." I've thought for a while that in a lot of cases, transness — and specifically dysphoria — makes a lot more sense when analyzed through the lens of disability rather than through queerness. (Personally I see it as being at the intersection between those things.)

I think that a theory of transsexuality would be incomplete without taking into account the societal aspects of gender, yes, but it seems to be similarly incomplete in the popular understanding of it.

I've seen a lot of discussion in the stuff I've read by disabled people about the contention between being objectively harmed or, well, disabled, by your disability, but still wanting to be proud of it or finding identity in it regardless. A lot of autistic communities, I've noticed, talk a lot about the fact that being autistic is difficult; it's made worse by other people's reactions to it, but it still is hard on its own (e.g. auditory overstimulation); yet people still can say that they'd rather be autistic than not. Or they may say they wish they weren't, but that they've come to terms with it because it's not exactly changeable.

Point is, there's open discussion about the differences between inherent challenges to your disability regardless of society, the ways which ableism makes things more difficult, and the contention of finding identity and community in your disability despite that. (And I use autism as an example because I'm autistic; I don't want to speak for, say, a physically disabled community as I'm able-bodied. But I have seen similar discussions there as well.)

The trans community, as I've seen, doesn't really have that. We're polarized between the extremely self-hating people who think that being trans is a curse and that people who like being trans are just fakers co-opting transness, and the toxically positive contingent who refuse to engage with the fact that sometimes dysphoria really does just hurt. And also that transphobia exists.

There's also the fact that in many ways, dysphoria is actually disabling. It isn't for everyone, and part of the problem is that transness as a concept covers so many things that analyzing it through just one lens will always be incomplete, but for me at least it caused me a lot of depression and dissociation, and made it difficult-to-impossible to interact with other people or function at my classes. Back before I medically transitioned, I related a lot to some descriptions by disabled people about their chronic pain, because my dysphoria effectively was chronic psychological pain. I don't want to say it's the same thing, because obviously I've only experienced one of those things, and dysphoria has a treatment while many (all?) chronic illnesses don't, but nevertheless it was a comforting lens to think of my dysphoria through in the time before I got top surgery.

Also of note is the way both our communities are treated by the medical establishment. I've heard many horror stories by disabled people of how doctors simply refuse to diagnose them or give them issues with their meds. Trans people obviously also have to deal with the shit that doctors put out in order to get access to HRT and any necessary surgeries. People deride HRT, saying that we shouldn't take it because it'll "make you a medical patient for life." People act like mental pain isn't real — calling depression fake, acting like because things like fibromyalgia aren't "real pain" that it shouldn't bother you so much, etc. — and that extends too into the way they dismiss the pain of gender dysphoria.

So, I don't really understand why the trans community has taken so many pains to disavow themselves from being considered even remotely similar to disabled people. I know that the common refrain, "we're not mentally ill!" is meant to combat the idea that we're deluded into thinking that we're a "different gender" than we really are, but the effect is throwing actually mentally ill trans people under the bus. The insistence that there's no way that dysphoria should be considered a disorder because there's nothing wrong with us — I just think that we could take a hint or two from the way that disabled people theorize about this subject.

[pansyboybloom]

What is is like going to the gyno while trans? I’m 19 and haven’t gone to one before, as a trans person the idea scares me. I don’t mind being referred to as a girl or women and I’ve accepted it’s not something I can change in my life right now, but I know the whole situation of being at a gyno will make me start to feel even worse about my situation. Do you have any tips on hyping myself up before and then calming down after wards?

so, it really depends on your doctor imo. I've worked with mine since I was 19, and while I don't necessarily like her, I trust her to respect me and my body. i went through my local lgbt clinic to find her via requesting some recommendations for trans/nb experienced and affirming gynos, and made sure to contact her ahead of time to let her know any and every detail she might need regarding my gender to make our appointment go more smoothly, including anything medical ive had done or plan to do. Obviously, this is the best-case scenario and not possible for everyone, but if you're in the central texas/austin area i def recommend the Texas health action's list of trans-friendly doctors. I see dr. kaufmen and even if she's a bit cold, she's always been respectful.

as for getting there and hyping up/down, unfortunately, im not the best to ask. i have a major fear of doctors and extreme dysphoria regarding others touching my genitalia so i usually cry the entire time :| but bringing a trusted friend to hold your hand and getting ice cream (or other treats) as a reward is what i do! Does anybody else have tips they'd be willing to share? i'd super appreciate it

all and all, having people to help affirm your gender prior to and after the appointment helps the most for me. it's very personal and takes time to find what works and what doc you like, but gyno health is important, esp if you start T. it doesn't get talked abt as much as id like, but t can cause vaginal atrophy (which is fully treatable!) and trans people w vaginas often develop vaginismus, which is when trauma/sex anxiety/fear of penetration/dysphoria causes an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor, causing extreme pain and difficulty during penetrative sex, and so talking to a gyno can be helpful to have a healthy sex life. also, cancer screenings are important, so finding a way to make the gyno work for you, while hard, is really necessary!

Anyway, off my soapbox. if anyone else has advice, pls pls pls reply/reblog/send an ask in!!

[vaulted-ceiling-painted-sky]

I'm making a major life change. I'm detransitioning (for medical reasons, so please don't cancel me).

I don't talk about this sort of thing much on my blog because I prefer to live a relatively private life separate from social media. However, I still wanted to disclose some things to my followers. I was on testosterone for over 5 years. I got the prescription after 8 months of counseling for gender dysphoria, followed by a consultation with a psychiatrist and an endocrinologist. This all started back in 2016 and I began taking T in 2017.

The symptoms that were considered part of my gender dysphoria diagnosis were mostly related to body dysmorphia. Since puberty, I felt like my body shape was completely wrong and that certain parts didn't belong to me (no real explanation, just physical discomfort). I had an eating disorder for many years that I never fully recovered from until the T improved my metabolism enough and I could start eating intuitively again. My other symptoms were... pretty much just being a weird girl and a social misfit. I had learned to mask it ok but social expectations just felt overwhelming and exhausting.

T was amazing for the first few years. My period stopped after a month, I lost fat and put on muscle, I could eat a full meal again, my body felt right in a way it never had before. I even got a new job where I felt like a fit in way better as a guy. I was extremely well informed on what changes to expect and when, and I was always careful with my health, getting regular blood tests and checking in with my doctors.

The side effects started to accumulate and worsen however. My body temperature ran high and I got overheated quite easily, which affected my sleep among other things. After about a year I started to get intense abdominal cramps with increasing frequency. Several years of this and I eventually had to get a hysterectomy (I kept my ovaries) and the cramping finally stopped. I had already had top surgery at this point. That was an entire ordeal on its own. I needed to have an emergency revision a week after the original surgery when I got a hematoma in the left side of my chest. I had to drive myself to the emergency room (my boyfriend was at work) where they opened the stitches and tried to manually drain it. Blood was gushing out of my side. I had to be rushed into the OR to have it fixed. After about 4 years on T, I began to have constant pain in certain organs due to atrophy. Medication only stopped it from getting worse, but the pain was still there and sex was out of the question. This can take a toll on one's mental health and relationship. The side effect that really scared me though was the heart problems. After nearly 5 years on T, I started having episodes of fast, pounding, irregular heartbeats. They were uncorrelated with anxiety, and heartburn medication did nothing. I stopped T for a few weeks and the episodes decreased. I started T again and had the worst one yet, where I was actually afraid for my life. I stopped again and my heart issues resolved in a month or two. My last dose was in October 2022.

Since then my body has been reverting to its natural appearance. I just look more feminine and read as female in spite of a flat chest and deep voice. It happened quickly for me. I decided to file paperwork for a court order name and gender change last week. I think I'll be back to publicly presenting as a woman in a few months. This has been a lot for me to process but I'm cautiously optimistic. And I'm so, so grateful that I have a loving, open-minded boyfriend and a supportive family. I don't know what I would do without them.

Why did I post this? Well, I thought sharing my experience might be useful for some of you. If you're on T or getting gender-related surgeries, or if someone you care about is, it's helpful to know about some of the things that can happen. My experiences differed significantly in some ways from the standard information you get on this stuff. Side effects can be quite manageable for some people, but very serious for others. I thought I was at very low risk of anything bad happening yet treatment still proved unsustainable for me. It can be difficult to find accurate information in a medical field that's been unfairly politicized. I just want what's best for everyone though.

[butch-reidentified]

Detrans female lurker here. I wanted to chime in with some thoughts on voice training. I think you’re correct that most ftms don’t really end up with a fully male-passing voice, but I unfortunately did and it used to be a huge insecurity and source of anxiety for me. The idea of training my voice sounded really intimidating at first, but I decided it was worth a try and I’m really glad I did. It took me a few months to get decent results, but now my trained voice sounds almost exactly like my pre-T voice, just a bit raspier. I see a lot of detrans women who feel they’re stuck with a voice they hate and I want to offer some reassurance that this isn’t the case—they can change it if they want to. Voice training can be a pain but it really does work, and it becomes automatic once you’ve been at it long enough.

Unrelated: thank you for being a voice of reason and nuance. Like you, I don’t regret my mastectomy, and when I first started orbiting radfem spaces I was very put off by all the “mutilated and ruined” talk. I find it deeply hypocritical, and I’m glad there are people speaking out against it.

Hi! So happy to meet you! I always felt pressured to hide that my surgery helped me, since it doesn't serve the common agenda of many radfems/gc folks, but one of my most core rules for myself is total honesty. I genuinely take great pride in approaching all things with nuance and caution (my nickname in a certain section of facebook back in the day was Queen of Nuance lmaoo). It makes me really happy to hear that it's noticed and makes a difference for others.

I think being vocal and honest about our positive experiences with surgery could also be a key step in helping to repair relations between radfems and trans folks, since there are many people in both groups (and some people who belong to both!) who aren't on the extreme end and see the potential benefit in building a bridge.

It also helps show genderists that I'm coming from a place of understanding, empathy, honesty, and genuineness, not hatred of trans/dysphoric/gnc people (I am dysphoric and gnc, and it could be argued I am trans in a medical but not ideological sense).

I also, VERY importantly, want this blog to be somewhere other radfems and others questioning gender ideology feel 100% safe to talk to me, ask questions, or express opinions that parts of radblr might react more harshly to. I don't think there's anything wrong with that - women are not required to be patient, educators, etc., and I certainly feel the need to scream and rant and lash out my fair share - but if we want to put the good of all women and girls first, and reach other women/girls and show them there is safety in sisterhood, some of us need to take that patient, nuanced role on sometimes. I find that people go from hateful to open pretty quick once they realize in one-on-one interaction that I'm not some trans-hating bogeyman, just a regular woman who understands dysphoria and wants everyone to be as healthy, happy, and free as possible.

Thanks for the voice training info btw! I definitely believe in the power of voice training. Despite some radfems claiming otherwise, when done right for a prolonged period of time, you can do most anything with vocal training, and it does become your "real voice." I think a lot of radfems who haven't known many MTFs irl think their voices are all fake and that if, say, they talk in their sleep, it would be in a regular deep man's voice. That's not true. Now, my experience is pretty limited to gender critical transsexuals rather than gendies, but I often discuss my mtf best friend on here, who's stayed over at me n my wife's house many times and is a hell of a sleep talker 🤣 At least in her case (and again, I use "she" bc my brain has only ever perceived her as female so it feels dishonest not to, not because she has asked me to or cares in the slightest), I can 100% confirm that the trained voice is permanent and never disappears - I mean it is like working out one muscle group a ton and letting another atrophy, so it makes sense. So it's not like voice training means talking in a fake voice for the rest of your life, which is what a lot of people seem to think.

I'm glad to hear you have no regrets about surgery and are happy as you are :) I'd love to chat more with you and hear your perspectives and opinions!

[lowpawly]

Hihihiiii I know you're going on testosterone now, which is super cool and I'm so happy for you! What is the process for all this stuff like? Do you have to talk to someone about changing genders or can you just get testosterone without a script? I'm not trans myself, but I want to learn more about all this stuff!

Heya! so full disclosure i live in california in a relatively liberal area and I think that probably played a big hand in my ease of access for transition care but the process wasn't difficult for me and mostly just involved waiting.

the first clinic I contacted is closer to the college here with a lot more traffic from other young trans people so getting a call and appointment was kind of an ordeal because of how long the wait list for transition care was (i think there initial estimate for an appointment date was multiple months after I had called) BUT I was able to get a much closer appointment after I was recommended to switch to the clinic branch that was a town away. I basically just called and said I wanted to look into transition and later I got a call back with one of the nurses (I think?) interviewing me about how I identified and what I wanted/giving me general information about what hormones do and my options and what I could expect. the person I talked to was a very cool trans man and it was nice being able to talk to another trans person about hormones when getting into the specifics of my transition goals.

I think like a month later I had my actual appointment with my doctor who was a very nice young gay seeming cis lady and it wasn't hard for me to talk about what I wanted with her. the nurse I had talked to had mentioned testosterone compound cream as an option for me and I was interested in it but the doctor I talked to said it can be difficult to get it covered by insurance so I ended up being prescribed testosterone gel.

something that I was REALLY insecure about and what kept me from pursuing transition for years is that I want to transition specifically to treat bottom dysphoria and that felt like something that would be extremely awkward to explain to a doctor, but I found out that its actually a common reason for transition lol. I also worried that my identity as a lesbian and not a more "traditionally" transmasculine person would be a hurdle when it came to explaining myself but it wasn't a problem at all. the reason I wanted compound cream is that it can be used more directly for bottom growth but I've found that using a half dose of gel has worked fine for me and my dose has been low enough that I haven't been noticeably masculinized in ways that would feel more personally shocking (that being said I've also only been on for about two months so we will see what happens!)

the BIGGEST pain was actually getting my prescription and it's because my doctor didn't tell me that I needed a blood test first so I was waiting ages for CVS to fill it until I finally called my clinic and figured out I needed to get my blood drawn ghdjfjf and about a week later I was finally able to get it filled and pick it up. I have yet to get a refill so I guess I'll find out if thats gonna be a pain but yeah LOL it was not nearly as painful as I had envisioned it being. I used to feel resigned to never having the body I wanted and I tried all kinds of reverse psychology to make myself happier but now that I'm on track for getting where I wanna be I'm already feeling so much better ^_^

[cas-coding]

list of my stims and tics to show you you're not alone.

i probably pass for neurotypical in many environments i enter, and i realize the privilege that i have because of this, but that does not mean that i am neurotypical. i have been diagnosed with GAD, depression, OCD, gender dysphoria, ARFID, and am waiting on an autism diagnosis appt later this year.

my point of making this list is to help anyone feel less alone than they might have felt before. even if you can't see me stimming or ticcing, i am, and that means that anyone could be stimming or ticcing along with you and you might not notice. you are not alone.

but here's my current list of stims, tics, and echolalia <3

wiggling my toes, specifically trying to position the seam of my sock into a certain position

kicking my foot. i have a friend who makes fun of me for kicking her all the time, but she knows it's a tic and i can't help it and the teasing is all in good fun

adjusting how i'm sitting. this is a big one if i have a large temperature fluctuation!! (and i'm not talking like oh, i'm uncomfortable with how i'm sitting, i'll adjust type deal. i'm talking every two minutes im like swinging my knee over my shoulder to get a better position)

hitting my hip. this happens a lot when i am stressed, especially if it is due to my own mistake.

shaking out my hand. this is a calming action, typically one i do in loud environments or when i have to eat a food i don't feel comfortable eating. in severe cases, i shake both hands rather violently. (i once shook so hard i had to wear wrist brace for a week)

putting my hand in a fist and nodding it. as a child i was told this was sign language for yes, but i have no idea if that's accurate or not. i've had this stim since i was nine as a nonspeaking way of showing my extreme excitement for something.

twirling my hair, occasionally pulling it. i have curls and so while it looks like i'm just touching up some curls, it typically is a tic that happens when i am very uncomfortable.

scrunching up my face and shaking my head. this can range from looking like a cute anime sneeze to a straight up meltdown. this happens when i am trying to tell someone no and they do not listen to me.

chewing my fingernails and the skin around them. this is by far the worst stress reaction i have, but it's also become a grounding technique. i've done this ever since i was little to stop dissociating as the pain will typically pull me from that headspace.

squishing my stomach. this is associated with eating and feeling unhealthy.

repeating the phrase 'mish mish.' i saw it on a tumblr post about two months ago as a way someone was referring to misha and now i say it as a comfort phrase. if someone could tell me why i latched onto this specifically that would be great.

humming, but not a specific tune. i typically try to find the pitch of whatever is bothering me most (like if there's a tornado test siren) as a way to feel like i control that stimulus.

just making sounds. you all know the sounds i am talking about. thee sounds

but, by far, my biggest and most frequent tic is neck tensing. this one is borderline dangerous. first my neck tenses up and then my head will shake, just a little bit until i either a) manage to stop by some miracle or b) my neck grows so tense i get stuck in a little sideways tilt for about 30 minutes.

other general sensory issues i have:

clothing texture

overlapping noise

watching tv without subtitles. literally cannot do this

the texture of whatever i am standing on (i'm not kidding, i will literally only wear fuzzy socks bc of this)

body temperature

tastes and textures of foods

restraining or constricting physical touch (for example: hand on the shoulder? so chillin. hug? i think the fuck not)

END OF LIST

[shallow-wordsalad]

OC: Ashley Cotterill - "Vox Viridi"

Premise: A young woman, the victim of terrible circumstance, is disfigured and disabled by a world that's been far crueler to her than she ever deserved. Still, she remains unbowed, and retains hope and optimism for people and her future. Nature powers; ASL-speaking, nonverbal; homeless. Mature themes, light delivery, meant for modern fantasy or superhero fiction.

TW for content involving her: abuse, violence, body dysphoria.

Appearance: Ashley is a petite girl of a modest 5'4" height, though one would be hard-pressed to identify her gender or much else about her at a glance. Wrapped in loose clothing, two layers of coats, and unlaced boots, her silhouette is inflated by her choice of protective and warm clothing above anything that one might call "fashionable" or "cute" or even "entirely intact." For lack of shape, one might inquire upon her face for identifying features, and would be stymied just the same through different means. A muddy bandana, once either red or white and now a mottled mix of browns, covers all above her brow but a tangle of long and matted blonde braids, interwoven with dandelions and baby's-breath. Her eyes are completely hidden behind what appear to be a pair of costume-shop goggles, cracked in one tinted lens and the strap thrice-replaced and re-fitted. Her nose and mouth are hidden behind a make-shift gaiter made of what was probably once a black shirt, if the two-thirds of a band logo is any signifier. As if even that were revealing too much, a long scarf - the only clean source of color on her apparel, a charming block-stripe of emerald green over forest green - is wrapped wide around her face to stave out the chill of bitter seasons no matter the time of year. Hands, which one will take great notice of as she speaks her language of gestures, are covered in a pair of well-worn women's gloves, leather lined with fur. Most curious about her, and likely what one would use to identify her after giving up on picking her face or figure out of a crowd, is the corona of flowers and grass at her feet wherever she stands. Constantly springing to blossom, withering away, and rising again in a steady, abbreviated demonstration of the life-cycle of small plants.

Personality: In brief, Ashley is a sweetheart with the stubbornness of someone who has survived the world's many attempts on her life. Where many grow cynical, exhausted, and weathered by life's many trials, guarding themselves against pain and disappointment as scars accumulate, Ashley decided long ago to do the opposite. Each time life takes something from her, the compassion and joy within the wellspring of her soul either finds a new home or concentrates further on what remains. Every moment she's alive is a gift, and one she - like an excited child on their birthday - shares with everyone around her. Attempts at dissuasion from her hidden smile find no foothold. Sour words are met with a shrug and a kind response. Only attempts at direct violence will make her stop trying to be your friend, and even then you will make no enemy of her - she'll simply leave. When you next see her, it will be with renewed willingness to talk should you want to. She is ever a survivor of hardship, and that includes her infinite love of life and hope for the future surviving into tomorrow.

Abilities and Skills: Granted some degree of power over plants and fungi by the ineffable and voiceless force of Mother Nature, Gaia, or whatever one wishes to deem the very will of the planet, Ashley has the supernatural ability to grow plants with her touch - direct or indirect. It's a power she can suppress to some degree, but never fully silence, and when allowed off its leash, can turn a parking lot into a garden in less than an hour. Focus and knowledge would allow her to create specific, individual plants or fungal growths. On the more mundane side, Ashley is extremely talented in the field of urban survivalism. To endure and thrive through city life without a home, one needs to know how to hide from unwanted company, how to climb fences and evade pursuers, where and when to find edible food and useful objects, and how to make a home and comforts from what you find. The combination of the above trades lead Ashley to a clumsy, home-made version of botany and herbal remedies as well. Ashley's burgeoning knowledge of plants and their compositions does give her a steady means of providing food, psychedelics, disinfectants, and mild painkillers to herself and others in need, though one'd be better off with a pharmacy and administered medication than the self-taught and ad hoc home treatments. Out of necessity after losing her ability to speak, Ashley learned American Sign Language, and can act as an interpreter for deaf people in her company. Finally, though it's rarely useful for much, Ashley's light-footed and lighthearted lifestyle has made her a skilled dancer.

Likes: Flowers, the outdoors, dancing, upbeat music, loud metal music, cooking, parkour, being social, hugs, girls with long legs, guys with beards, applying flower symbolism to people's lives, giving people sign names, giving people the warm-fuzzies, summertime, mornings, vague spiritualism, the color green, and rain.

Dislikes: Small dogs, large reptiles, being called "Ash", alleyways, police and criminals both, the smell of tobacco, gloomy and/or downtempo music, feeling exposed, cynicism and negative-thinkers, being filmed, being comforted by others, people who assume she is helpless, winter, particularly dark nights, being alone, the color grey, the government (Anarchy!), smartphones (they are government tracking devices!).

Relatives: No known living relatives.

Age: 20+; She hasn't been counting for a long time.

Sex/Gender: Cisgender Female

Race/Ethnicity: Human, Irish-Italian-Anglosaxon-American mutt.

Birthday: April 22

Favorite Food: Bread

[m1ch34l-lll]

I literally cannot express this better than they did, but man will I try. Do cis people just genuinely not realize how absolutely fucking horrible it is to be trans of ALL variations in this society? We, as in both transfems and transmascs, have issues with not only how we percieve ourselves, but how other percieve us. This is a daily, constant reminder that we are not the people we desperately want to be. It's not even in a "Oh, I want to be a guy/girl with only anatomically guy/girl parts!" No.

A lot of trans individuals don't experience as extreme of dysphoria. And that's valid. That's okay. But for the people that do, it's extremely frustrating to hear that just because we have to pass in a different way than just applying makeup, we somehow don't have it just as bad as the people that do. That because we can put on a binder we don't have issuee with our bodies or body types. That we don't have to walk or talk or dress masculine to pass.

It's just as much of a struggle, and by allowing the transfem community as a whole to see that and blindly believe whatever cis people say about us causes a gap in out own comminty. It causes unneccesary pain and arguments and "Well, I have it worse!" instead of "I don't have the same problems, but I can understand the feelings that you're going through and hopefully we can get through this together."

By separating us, you're just doing the exact same thing that every single person in a minority experiences, which is attempting to spread false information in order to not only separate us from the cis community, but place ourselves into rigid, set categories that the trans community was literally made to discredit. We are living examples of not trying to fit into gender conformity. So by creating accusations of "one has more problems than the other", we're just creating more problems for ourselves. Let's actually do the research for a minute here and actually look into the trans experience instead of creating this caricature of whatever you want it to be. Because cis people, newsflash, we're suffering through a lot of shit by just being ourselves, you think we're going to miraculously start listening to this blindly now? You think we're just going to sit by and listen to you rant about how all trans people should do this and this and this because "oh I have a trans friend who..." or "I think girls should be this and guys should be that..."

WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS. WE ARE CAPABLE OF MAKING OUR OWN DECISIONS ABOUT HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OUR LIVES AND OUR BODIES. I'm so tired of listening to the same thing over and over about how we should fit into these molds of femininity and masculinity because it's more palatable for cis people. My whole existance should not be trying to make myself easier to digest for other people. Quit attempting to dumb us down and make our entire lives about pleasing you because it's not funny and it's not cute.

And the longer we hold onto these inane "unspoken rules" about who should be what because of anything that is out of their control (i.e. BEING TRANS), the longer you'll realize that even cis women and cis men don't consistently follow this and that it's specifically made so that you don't have to worry about accepting people for who they are. Just let us exist. Please. I'm tired of asking nicely.

Still thinking about that one tiktok where that lady was like "trans women have to put on tons and tons of makeup everyday to be seen even a little bit as a woman and trans men just put on their "Going out flannel"

as if there isn't "masculinizing makeup" tutorials and trans men beefing up their facial hair rogaine and or makeup, and packers, and STPs and binders, and makeup for covering your scars, and and and it's like please speak trans men and stop making shit up oh my god. trans men/mascs put in so much work.

[brick-van-dyke]

// Half a vent, half a political thihg

TW: body stuff, gender dysphoria, talk about blood

I feel extremely nauseous and like I'm gonna throw up because of my stupid ass period which only came back because I stopped taking T to save money for a little bit ughhh. Like I'm ok and il survive, I'll be taking T again in January, but still. This sucks and like...

Ok not trying to act like or say "oh no being a trans man is so much harder than being a cis woman blah blah blah" here, but I do just wanna saying having a period as a trans man just really sucks a lot. Not only do we have to deal with a period the same way a cis woman does; feeling sick, digestive system fucking up, the pain and cramps, mess and how it can make you feel really down, etc. but we also can have the whole gender dysphoria side of it as well which can absolutely get worse with the emotional stuff that happens during periods.

I feel very very depressed during my periods already, it's fucks with my already not great mental health and makes me think in darker places than I'd usually, but on top of that?? It makes gender dysphoria all around feel more extreme plus it causes gender dysphoria itself. The the other things about it also can cause gender dysphoria as well, so there's like. 3 added issues that come with my period purely because of gender dysphoria.

This doesn't even over the societal issues and how hard it is to be a trans man with a period when you're out and need to change your pad or tampon. I usually just don't and do it at home since I can luckily get away with that but there are so many trans man who can't do that and it suckks. No wonder so many trans men I know are on birth control, esp if they're pre t/ not planning on taking t.

Overall it just kind of sucks and it highlights, ironically, how different it is to be a trans man rather than a cis woman and is yet another example of how the terf argument "ooh but we have the same body so it's a shared issue" just really doesn't work and actively just erases all these issues and ignores the differences in our struggles; namely that it's just different both literally and socially to be perceived as a man who also had a period and who finds that everything about it causes a secondary, separate type of distress.