#gender dysphoria can make all of this extremely painful to talk about

[minlex]

Wish we could talk about the complex relations between womanhood and trans experiences in a feminist way without everyone going fucking rabid insane

[yanderestarangel]

HEADCANONS MIGUEL O'HARA | FTM O'HARA X FTM READER

˚｡⋆.☆TW: afab anatomy, praise, t4t, use of testosterone, mention of dysphoria, fingering, smut, soft!boyfriend miguel, eat out, switch!miguel.

˚｡⋆.☆ I just wanted to write about ftm miguel ohara for a while now, I had never seen a ftm miguel x ftm reader, so... I wrote it.

♡ ₊ ˚— Contrary to what everyone at spidersociety thinks, dating Miguel is a happy and comforting experience, especially when you share the same struggle, experience and pain - being trans men - he is much more open to a debate when he knows that you. He is also an FTM person, thus beginning a calm friendship that in the future led to the two of you dating.

♡ ₊ ˚— However, obviously, O'Hara will not fall in love with you just because you two are equal, but because he saw in you a more peaceful and welcoming future, away from the pain that being a Spider-Man brought, he lost a daughter and he doesn't want to lose you either. He is a lonely, rude man, but deep down, he just needs to be loved too - if you are his safe haven, he will be yours.

♡ ₊ ˚— He will want to know everything about how you feel about your body, gender, etc. If you want to make a complete transition like him - major surgery, testosterone etc - he won't hesitate to recommend the same doctors who took care of him and will also go to every appointment you go to. Miguel will always be by your side, helping you make the best decisions to be comfortable with yourself, he will even give you the list of exercises he does and also help you train every day. However, if you don't want to touch anything and you feel good about your body, it will support you in the same way, regardless of everything, Miguel O'Hara is your boyfriend and respects you more than anything in the multiverse.

♡ ₊ ˚— If you suffer from dysphoria, he will find a way to make you see the incredible man you are, he will praise you, talk to you and use all the resources he can to make you feel good about yourself, Hugging you for hours and leaving you in his lap while he listens to your every outburst, running his hand down your back while whispering that everything is going to be okay.

♡ ₊ ˚— Miguel likes you to kiss or trace with your finger the scars from his top surgery, whenever he is shirtless, sweaty after a list of exercises, he will show off for you - he is attention-starved, Please pay attention to Miguelito - he will stand in front of you, smiling seductively as he watches you drool over his physique. "-You can touch me if you want, mi amor..." He would speak in a provocative tone, but soon the leader's 'don juan' banner would fall, when he saw you kiss his scars, making him blush and let out a soft moan, taking his big hands to your hair and caressing the locks, you are his soft spot... And he doesn't mind being a soft boyfriend with you.

♡ ₊ ˚— O'Hara also likes to hold your hand every time he gives himself testosterone injections. He's not afraid of needles, after all, he needs to apply ruptures too to make himself weaker. However, every time he applies it, being with you by his side is a refreshing sight, it's a quick action but one that means a lot to him and to you too. The futuristic Spider-Man will always hug you afterwards... But be prepared to also deal with the uncontrollable lust he gets after that.

♡ ₊ ˚— Miguel likes to fuck you, and be fucked. He will return home with a dripping pussy after an extremely stressful tiring day, the Mexican will not even give you time to think straight, just lifting you over his shoulder and taking you to the surface closest to the house - opening your thighs , exposing your pussy to him while he brought his lips to your core, hungrily licking your wet skin. “-Give me that pussy, be a good boy...” Miguel growls out, fucking you with his fingers and tongue at the same time. His own pussy twitches in anticipation as he continues to tease and tantalize you. "-So fucking good..," he mutters between suckles - Miguel pushed four fingers inside of you, curving them upward towards your G-spot. You let out a gasp of surprise at the intense stimulation causing waves of pleasure to course through your body. "-Like that?" He'll make you cum first, and then you'll be able to return the favor.

♡ ₊ ˚— O'Hara will rub himself against your face, his pussy dripping, taking extreme care not to hurt you with his weight. “-Fuck... cariño...” Miguel groans loudly into the room. “-Suck my clit harder... make me cum all over your tongue.” He feels your mouth enveloping his pussy, the warm wetness enclosing him in a way that sends shivers down his spine. His hips buck involuntarily against your face as he reaches out for your head, trying to guide it further downwards. He will shake and moan over your mouth, holding your hair tightly.

♡ ₊ ˚— He and you have a variety of sex toys, especially a custom-made and technological strap-on, which sends waves of pleasure through his pussy with each thrust he makes in your cunt. You'll be able to fuck him too, Miguel really doesn't mind letting you take control sometimes. He will want to be praised too, things like that. "-Such a good boy for me" "-Fuck Miguel, you are so beautiful fucking my pussy like that" "-I love you so much mi guapo" among others, make the brunete blush and whimper with pleasure, especially if you suck your nipples him, while fucking him until you're both a shaking, sweaty mess on the bed - he also loves to dominate you and talk dirty to you when it's his turn to dominate you. Things like: “-You make me so fucking wet.”, "-Let loose all those dirty thoughts about me… say them.", “-You like this? Wanting me so bad that even my pussy craves yours?", "-Do you want me to finger-fuck you hard and fast? Or should I take my time, exploring every inch of you?", "-Cumming soon mi amor..."

♡ ₊ ˚— Miguel also likes the 'scissor' position, making your two clits touch, a wet mess from both of your overstimulated pussies - he'll hold you close to him with his strong arms, dictating the speed - Or, he'll hold you close make you rub your pussy against his muscular thighs, while teasing you, just breaking you to the point of seeing you squirt on him, but, you can also do the same, kissing him while fingering every creamy wall of your spider boyfriend.

♡ ₊ ˚— After you two exhaust your energy fucking all over the house, he'll make sure you're okay, cleaning you up and kissing you, whispering how you pleased him and how lucky he is to have you in his life. The two of you will sleep cuddled together afterwards, with Miguel reassuring you and telling you that you can sleep in peace, that he will be there when you wake up.

©YANDERESTARANGEL 2023

[kittyit]

This is a long and loaded ask so feel free to delete but it's completely earnest

I've been a radfem for about 3-4 years now (radfemhagen but I got termed) and honestly I still struggle w genuine dysphoria. All the reading, critical thinking, talking w detrans women is definitely eye opening and helped me but it hasn't healed me of my ~gender feels~ if you know what I mean. I remember trying to get tips from other blogs but all I remember was something about doing physical labor with other women or just being around other women but that isn't helping either, I'm so disgusted by my female body and how I'm seen (especially by men and especially as a lesbian) and it's just getting worse. I've been thinking about going on a low dose of T even but I know there's other options to coping, like there HAS to be SOMETHING. I can't just will it out anymore.

Help a gyn out

this and it's probably better saved for an essay but i felt moved to respond to you straight up. i'm going to explain three really important parts of my journey to a place where i almost never experience the intense and life-disrupting distress around my sex (diagnosed as dysphoria) except in times of extreme stress, and even then it's fleeting.

one essential thing i did was stop thinking of transition as an option for myself. this is something i see a lot of detrans/desisted women struggle with. i think this is a mental trap. "if i don't feel better in x amount of time or when i do x, i'll transition" removes the urgency and necessary nature of working through the distress around your sex. i've written in a few pieces about when my girlfriend max asked me to not do it 3 days before my first t shot, it genuinely felt like the last light in a dark harbor going out. i felt utterly hopeless. i felt like my last solution had been taken from me and i would never feel better.

i came to my decision to never pursue transitional medicine first through listening from my girlfriend and other detrans women. to take seriously the pain & trauma detrans women go through. to listen when they said this did not help me, this was not help, it did not fix these feelings of distress. to listen to detrans women is to understand that transitional medicine is an unethical practice being done by unethical practitioners. it's also to understand that this solution is not what it's presented as. taking these women's experiences and analysis seriously meant ruling it out as a coping mechanism for myself, ever. but there are so many reasons to make the decision not to participate in transition medicine - political & practical. not giving money to surgeons who traffic in literal female flesh. not wanting to risk all of the under-studied, ignored negative long-term health effects. not wanting to signal to the women around you that there is no way to survive as a woman like you without transitional medicine. defiance of new patriarchal expectations for women like you. defiance of the pressures that tell you that this is the thing that will make you feel better - like makeup, like labiaplasty, like breast implants, like an elective double mastectomy. defiance in general.

so the first thing was to stop thinking of transitioning as an option. i said no. the second thing was to stop thinking of my distress as dysphoria. to un-diagnose myself with this word that means i need to take T and get a mastectomy and undergo phalloplasty to have a chance of ever being happy. you mention disgust for your body, you mention disgust for how you're seen by men and as a lesbian. disgust for yourself on these points is anger at patriarchy, lesbian-hating society & men turned inward on yourself instead of the people who deserve it. it's an impulse of someone dealing with oppression to blame one's self for it and think there are things we can do to escape it. it's no different than a woman trapped in domestic violence obsessing over what she could have done differently to not set him off this time - the right dinner, place setting, clothing & tone. the idea that woman- and lesbian-hating can be escaped as easily as transitional medicine claims it can is simply not true. the experiece of a woman who passes as a man is another exerperience of womanhood, still under the bell jar of misogyny.

what helped me with these feelings of distress was pinpointing exactly where they came from and what they meant. i know this isn't helpful for everyone. but it's almost like going deeper and deeper on the feeling make it more and more clear what needed to be addressed. here's one spiral to the center: i want to chop off my tits → why? → i hate my breasts → why? → they feel ugly and disgusting → why? → i got them so young, they're so large and people stare → why does that bother you? → i feel so ugly and out of place → why does that bother you? → i feel so alone and worthless → how do you feel? → i feel lonely → what do you need? → i need connection.

"i want to chop off my tits" is not a coherent feeling - every human alive has complex reasons for the things they say, think and do. if you can get to the bottom of where these sensations and feelings and disturbances diangosed as dysphoria are coming from, you can figure out how to address them. what is the feeling at the bottom, what is going unaddressed? and quite honestly a lot of the time it's not an easy answer. sometimes the answers are super hard to grapple with. sometimes the need cannot be fulfilled or are very difficult to fulfill. but once you've decided that transition is not on the table, the quest to find those answers becomes a lot more essential.

this isn't something anyone is really meant to do alone. when i hear you say you hate being seen as a lesbian and how men treat you, i hear an inherent isolation in that. i could be wrong, i know a lot of people can still feel lonely when they have a strong support system, but i would say the majority of women do not have the kind of friend group and number of connections they need to be socially supported. so another big part of this is breaking out of isolation and being around other women who "get it" - whether virutally or in real life. humans are a pack animal and this is an isolating age.

so that's my three parter to your question

1. say no to transitional medicine

2. undiagnose yourself with dysphoria and instead figure out why you're feeling what you're feeling

3. seek out friendship, community, and ways of thought that can help you address those feelings

[musingsofanaroace]

Period Simulators Don't Simulate Periods

I've seen some YouTube videos where biological men get hooked up to a period simulator to see if they can handle period pain. And spoilers, a majority of them can't. And then they go on to talk about how they can't imagine experiencing such pain for days at a time every month. Like pain is the only thing you experience while on your period! Oh boy, do I have some news for those dudes. A period comes packed with a whole host of other adverse symptoms besides pain.

In this post, I'll be talking about my own experience with periods as an agender individual who also has AuDHD.

Since pain seems to be the most known symptom, I'll start there. Here's how I describe the pain. It feels like Freddy Kruger is inside me, tearing up all my innards with his knife-like fingers. The pain radiates down my legs and sets the muscles on fire. It also radiates up my back. If you touched it, it would feel burning hot. It usually takes four or five 220 mg naproxen sodium tablets to ease the pain. Not to eliminate it but to take the edge off.

For me, the worse symptom is gender dysphoria. My brain refuses to believe that I have female reproductive organs even though I logically know that I do. Most days, my brain can ignore this objective reality by hiding behind a glass mirror. But then the period comes along and shatters this mirror, driving home the truth. And when this happens, my brain has a bit of a freak out. It dials up the anxiety to a ten, and the gender dysphoria to a hundred. During this time, I feel incapable of socializing or performing any daily task. Instead, I just want to crawl under my blanket and disappear from the world. Basically, I have an autistic shutdown. I know this may seem illogical and over the top, but that's gender dysphoria for you.

The next horrible symptom is period flu. Every muscle in my body aches. The world takes on an underwater appearance, and I feel extremely nauseous. It's hard for me to eat anything for a good day or two.

Then there's the migraine I get a day or two before my period starts. It feels like someone took a hammer and smashed the right side of my face. I see swirling pinpricks of various colored lights, and sounds become louder. Also, I feel like I'm on a rocking ship or Tilt-a-Whirl. And since I have motion sickness, this makes me feel extremely nauseous. Dramamine Natural and Nauzene are lifesavers.

Next, it creates mood changes. "Things fall apart; the center cannot hold" - William Butler Yeats. I feel this crushing sadness that paints the world in storm clouds. Everything I do is wrong, and everything is horrible. Every polite request seems like a demand, and every unkind word feels like a rapier to the heart.

And lastly, the blood. Since I have severe gender dysphoria in regards to what's down there, I can't use tampons. I must use pads. But using pads aggravates the sensory issues I have related to autism. I don't like the feel of the pad down there, especially when it gets wet with blood.

Also, the blood doesn't always like to absorb into the pad. Sometime it glides over the surface and ends up onto my undergarments or thighs. The feel of the sticky blood on my skin is one of the grossest sensations ever. When this happens, I must take a bath pronto.

In conclusion, period simulators don't simulate periods. If they did, the world would be a more sympathetic place.

Well, that's all I have for today. Until next time, take care and stay curious.

[blueraspberrycoke]

Best college research is in USA cost vs degree use which has a list of schools, this gives you the best loan for degree cost of the degree is the goal. Look at that and the subject then online at the best cross matches. Unless you want a social experience mostly then whatever vibes. Listen you know anti-trans bigotry like in your about has NO ethical point in feminism, it's just bigotry.

Thank you for the advice on college :)

I'm not a bigot. I'm not anti-trans. I don't think trans people are inherently evil. But I do not believe you can change your biological sex. I do not believe allowing trans women into women's sports, changing rooms, sexualities (lesbians being pressured to date trans women), etc. is good for women and girls. It's not just a belief I have, it's factually proven to be dangerous to put TW in women's prisons (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and in bathrooms (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 [5 is written by a trans woman]).

I'm not saying I hate trans people or that I don't trust them or that teens/children who identify as transgender are "broken" or "wrong" like people have said I do. I think we have manipulated an entire generation of lesbians and homosexual boys (though not all trans-identified people are homosexual/bisexual) into believing they have to be the opposite sex. We've lied to dysphoric teens and told them they're going to die if they don't recieve gender-affirming care (see all the posts on the protecttranskids, transgenocide, transrights etc. hashtags).

This is also evident in that anytime you question someone who says trans people are experiencing a genocide, especially a younger person (like a teenager who gets all their information from Instagram and TikTok) they actually can't come up with a single example. Even when they bring up the so-called "anti-trans legislature" being passed in the United States, they can't name any specific bans, because that actually does not exist. What I linked for you is HB1276, which, if you read it, allows minors who underwent sexual reassignment surgery to sue their doctors up to 30 years after they turn 18 for malpractice if they regret surgery. Trans Legislation Tracker labels this an "anti-trans" bill.

They have reason to regret it, too. Lupron, the drug administered in FtM transition to dysphoric females, has painful and sometimes deadly side effects that gender-affirming medical clinics will not disclose with you in full. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Also, a disproportionate amount of FtM females are autistic, homosexual, and depressed. I care especially about these women because I'm eighteen, autistic, and a lesbian, so I really resonate with their pain and struggle. I'm not disgusted by transgender individuals and I'm not angry with them. I feel terrible for them. And I want to help.

What I think we have in the world now is an extreme lack of education. It's harming girls and women my age, when there are more affordable and better options. We've known for a long time doctors will push medicines that don't work/shouldn't be as expensive as they are in order to make money (I'm talking about things like selling insulin for $500 a vial. I'm not talking about things like vaccines.).

If you want to change your name and use other pronouns, cool, fine, whatever. I don't care what you do with your life, your money, and your time. But don't call yourself male or female when you're not. See my pinned post for why doing so harms women and men.

Transgenderism is motivated by misogyny. Go to any of the subreddits created for TW (r/Egg_irl, r/MtF, r/transgender [though that one contains trans men also]) and you'll see in every "How I knew I was trans" post that these people consider being female synonymous with being feminine, and it isn't. I'm not feminine. Does that make me a man? No. It just makes me a nonfeminine woman.

I'm not denying the existence of gender dysphoria. Many of my mutuals are desisted females who still struggle with it. But hormone therapy/SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) are very clearly not the answer. I hope this helps you understand my position better. I also hope I've not come across as condescending or patronizing in any way.

[pansyboybloom]

What is is like going to the gyno while trans? I’m 19 and haven’t gone to one before, as a trans person the idea scares me. I don’t mind being referred to as a girl or women and I’ve accepted it’s not something I can change in my life right now, but I know the whole situation of being at a gyno will make me start to feel even worse about my situation. Do you have any tips on hyping myself up before and then calming down after wards?

so, it really depends on your doctor imo. I've worked with mine since I was 19, and while I don't necessarily like her, I trust her to respect me and my body. i went through my local lgbt clinic to find her via requesting some recommendations for trans/nb experienced and affirming gynos, and made sure to contact her ahead of time to let her know any and every detail she might need regarding my gender to make our appointment go more smoothly, including anything medical ive had done or plan to do. Obviously, this is the best-case scenario and not possible for everyone, but if you're in the central texas/austin area i def recommend the Texas health action's list of trans-friendly doctors. I see dr. kaufmen and even if she's a bit cold, she's always been respectful.

as for getting there and hyping up/down, unfortunately, im not the best to ask. i have a major fear of doctors and extreme dysphoria regarding others touching my genitalia so i usually cry the entire time :| but bringing a trusted friend to hold your hand and getting ice cream (or other treats) as a reward is what i do! Does anybody else have tips they'd be willing to share? i'd super appreciate it

all and all, having people to help affirm your gender prior to and after the appointment helps the most for me. it's very personal and takes time to find what works and what doc you like, but gyno health is important, esp if you start T. it doesn't get talked abt as much as id like, but t can cause vaginal atrophy (which is fully treatable!) and trans people w vaginas often develop vaginismus, which is when trauma/sex anxiety/fear of penetration/dysphoria causes an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor, causing extreme pain and difficulty during penetrative sex, and so talking to a gyno can be helpful to have a healthy sex life. also, cancer screenings are important, so finding a way to make the gyno work for you, while hard, is really necessary!

Anyway, off my soapbox. if anyone else has advice, pls pls pls reply/reblog/send an ask in!!

[vaulted-ceiling-painted-sky]

I'm making a major life change. I'm detransitioning (for medical reasons, so please don't cancel me).

I don't talk about this sort of thing much on my blog because I prefer to live a relatively private life separate from social media. However, I still wanted to disclose some things to my followers. I was on testosterone for over 5 years. I got the prescription after 8 months of counseling for gender dysphoria, followed by a consultation with a psychiatrist and an endocrinologist. This all started back in 2016 and I began taking T in 2017.

The symptoms that were considered part of my gender dysphoria diagnosis were mostly related to body dysmorphia. Since puberty, I felt like my body shape was completely wrong and that certain parts didn't belong to me (no real explanation, just physical discomfort). I had an eating disorder for many years that I never fully recovered from until the T improved my metabolism enough and I could start eating intuitively again. My other symptoms were... pretty much just being a weird girl and a social misfit. I had learned to mask it ok but social expectations just felt overwhelming and exhausting.

T was amazing for the first few years. My period stopped after a month, I lost fat and put on muscle, I could eat a full meal again, my body felt right in a way it never had before. I even got a new job where I felt like a fit in way better as a guy. I was extremely well informed on what changes to expect and when, and I was always careful with my health, getting regular blood tests and checking in with my doctors.

The side effects started to accumulate and worsen however. My body temperature ran high and I got overheated quite easily, which affected my sleep among other things. After about a year I started to get intense abdominal cramps with increasing frequency. Several years of this and I eventually had to get a hysterectomy (I kept my ovaries) and the cramping finally stopped. I had already had top surgery at this point. That was an entire ordeal on its own. I needed to have an emergency revision a week after the original surgery when I got a hematoma in the left side of my chest. I had to drive myself to the emergency room (my boyfriend was at work) where they opened the stitches and tried to manually drain it. Blood was gushing out of my side. I had to be rushed into the OR to have it fixed. After about 4 years on T, I began to have constant pain in certain organs due to atrophy. Medication only stopped it from getting worse, but the pain was still there and sex was out of the question. This can take a toll on one's mental health and relationship. The side effect that really scared me though was the heart problems. After nearly 5 years on T, I started having episodes of fast, pounding, irregular heartbeats. They were uncorrelated with anxiety, and heartburn medication did nothing. I stopped T for a few weeks and the episodes decreased. I started T again and had the worst one yet, where I was actually afraid for my life. I stopped again and my heart issues resolved in a month or two. My last dose was in October 2022.

Since then my body has been reverting to its natural appearance. I just look more feminine and read as female in spite of a flat chest and deep voice. It happened quickly for me. I decided to file paperwork for a court order name and gender change last week. I think I'll be back to publicly presenting as a woman in a few months. This has been a lot for me to process but I'm cautiously optimistic. And I'm so, so grateful that I have a loving, open-minded boyfriend and a supportive family. I don't know what I would do without them.

Why did I post this? Well, I thought sharing my experience might be useful for some of you. If you're on T or getting gender-related surgeries, or if someone you care about is, it's helpful to know about some of the things that can happen. My experiences differed significantly in some ways from the standard information you get on this stuff. Side effects can be quite manageable for some people, but very serious for others. I thought I was at very low risk of anything bad happening yet treatment still proved unsustainable for me. It can be difficult to find accurate information in a medical field that's been unfairly politicized. I just want what's best for everyone though.

[butch-reidentified]

Detrans female lurker here. I wanted to chime in with some thoughts on voice training. I think you’re correct that most ftms don’t really end up with a fully male-passing voice, but I unfortunately did and it used to be a huge insecurity and source of anxiety for me. The idea of training my voice sounded really intimidating at first, but I decided it was worth a try and I’m really glad I did. It took me a few months to get decent results, but now my trained voice sounds almost exactly like my pre-T voice, just a bit raspier. I see a lot of detrans women who feel they’re stuck with a voice they hate and I want to offer some reassurance that this isn’t the case—they can change it if they want to. Voice training can be a pain but it really does work, and it becomes automatic once you’ve been at it long enough.

Unrelated: thank you for being a voice of reason and nuance. Like you, I don’t regret my mastectomy, and when I first started orbiting radfem spaces I was very put off by all the “mutilated and ruined” talk. I find it deeply hypocritical, and I’m glad there are people speaking out against it.

Hi! So happy to meet you! I always felt pressured to hide that my surgery helped me, since it doesn't serve the common agenda of many radfems/gc folks, but one of my most core rules for myself is total honesty. I genuinely take great pride in approaching all things with nuance and caution (my nickname in a certain section of facebook back in the day was Queen of Nuance lmaoo). It makes me really happy to hear that it's noticed and makes a difference for others.

I think being vocal and honest about our positive experiences with surgery could also be a key step in helping to repair relations between radfems and trans folks, since there are many people in both groups (and some people who belong to both!) who aren't on the extreme end and see the potential benefit in building a bridge.

It also helps show genderists that I'm coming from a place of understanding, empathy, honesty, and genuineness, not hatred of trans/dysphoric/gnc people (I am dysphoric and gnc, and it could be argued I am trans in a medical but not ideological sense).

I also, VERY importantly, want this blog to be somewhere other radfems and others questioning gender ideology feel 100% safe to talk to me, ask questions, or express opinions that parts of radblr might react more harshly to. I don't think there's anything wrong with that - women are not required to be patient, educators, etc., and I certainly feel the need to scream and rant and lash out my fair share - but if we want to put the good of all women and girls first, and reach other women/girls and show them there is safety in sisterhood, some of us need to take that patient, nuanced role on sometimes. I find that people go from hateful to open pretty quick once they realize in one-on-one interaction that I'm not some trans-hating bogeyman, just a regular woman who understands dysphoria and wants everyone to be as healthy, happy, and free as possible.

Thanks for the voice training info btw! I definitely believe in the power of voice training. Despite some radfems claiming otherwise, when done right for a prolonged period of time, you can do most anything with vocal training, and it does become your "real voice." I think a lot of radfems who haven't known many MTFs irl think their voices are all fake and that if, say, they talk in their sleep, it would be in a regular deep man's voice. That's not true. Now, my experience is pretty limited to gender critical transsexuals rather than gendies, but I often discuss my mtf best friend on here, who's stayed over at me n my wife's house many times and is a hell of a sleep talker 🤣 At least in her case (and again, I use "she" bc my brain has only ever perceived her as female so it feels dishonest not to, not because she has asked me to or cares in the slightest), I can 100% confirm that the trained voice is permanent and never disappears - I mean it is like working out one muscle group a ton and letting another atrophy, so it makes sense. So it's not like voice training means talking in a fake voice for the rest of your life, which is what a lot of people seem to think.

I'm glad to hear you have no regrets about surgery and are happy as you are :) I'd love to chat more with you and hear your perspectives and opinions!

[peridyke]

Hihihiiii I know you're going on testosterone now, which is super cool and I'm so happy for you! What is the process for all this stuff like? Do you have to talk to someone about changing genders or can you just get testosterone without a script? I'm not trans myself, but I want to learn more about all this stuff!

Heya! so full disclosure i live in california in a relatively liberal area and I think that probably played a big hand in my ease of access for transition care but the process wasn't difficult for me and mostly just involved waiting.

the first clinic I contacted is closer to the college here with a lot more traffic from other young trans people so getting a call and appointment was kind of an ordeal because of how long the wait list for transition care was (i think there initial estimate for an appointment date was multiple months after I had called) BUT I was able to get a much closer appointment after I was recommended to switch to the clinic branch that was a town away. I basically just called and said I wanted to look into transition and later I got a call back with one of the nurses (I think?) interviewing me about how I identified and what I wanted/giving me general information about what hormones do and my options and what I could expect. the person I talked to was a very cool trans man and it was nice being able to talk to another trans person about hormones when getting into the specifics of my transition goals.

I think like a month later I had my actual appointment with my doctor who was a very nice young gay seeming cis lady and it wasn't hard for me to talk about what I wanted with her. the nurse I had talked to had mentioned testosterone compound cream as an option for me and I was interested in it but the doctor I talked to said it can be difficult to get it covered by insurance so I ended up being prescribed testosterone gel.

something that I was REALLY insecure about and what kept me from pursuing transition for years is that I want to transition specifically to treat bottom dysphoria and that felt like something that would be extremely awkward to explain to a doctor, but I found out that its actually a common reason for transition lol. I also worried that my identity as a lesbian and not a more "traditionally" transmasculine person would be a hurdle when it came to explaining myself but it wasn't a problem at all. the reason I wanted compound cream is that it can be used more directly for bottom growth but I've found that using a half dose of gel has worked fine for me and my dose has been low enough that I haven't been noticeably masculinized in ways that would feel more personally shocking (that being said I've also only been on for about two months so we will see what happens!)

the BIGGEST pain was actually getting my prescription and it's because my doctor didn't tell me that I needed a blood test first so I was waiting ages for CVS to fill it until I finally called my clinic and figured out I needed to get my blood drawn ghdjfjf and about a week later I was finally able to get it filled and pick it up. I have yet to get a refill so I guess I'll find out if thats gonna be a pain but yeah LOL it was not nearly as painful as I had envisioned it being. I used to feel resigned to never having the body I wanted and I tried all kinds of reverse psychology to make myself happier but now that I'm on track for getting where I wanna be I'm already feeling so much better ^_^

[cas-coding]

list of my stims and tics to show you you're not alone.

i probably pass for neurotypical in many environments i enter, and i realize the privilege that i have because of this, but that does not mean that i am neurotypical. i have been diagnosed with GAD, depression, OCD, gender dysphoria, ARFID, and am waiting on an autism diagnosis appt later this year.

my point of making this list is to help anyone feel less alone than they might have felt before. even if you can't see me stimming or ticcing, i am, and that means that anyone could be stimming or ticcing along with you and you might not notice. you are not alone.

but here's my current list of stims, tics, and echolalia <3

wiggling my toes, specifically trying to position the seam of my sock into a certain position

kicking my foot. i have a friend who makes fun of me for kicking her all the time, but she knows it's a tic and i can't help it and the teasing is all in good fun

adjusting how i'm sitting. this is a big one if i have a large temperature fluctuation!! (and i'm not talking like oh, i'm uncomfortable with how i'm sitting, i'll adjust type deal. i'm talking every two minutes im like swinging my knee over my shoulder to get a better position)

hitting my hip. this happens a lot when i am stressed, especially if it is due to my own mistake.

shaking out my hand. this is a calming action, typically one i do in loud environments or when i have to eat a food i don't feel comfortable eating. in severe cases, i shake both hands rather violently. (i once shook so hard i had to wear wrist brace for a week)

putting my hand in a fist and nodding it. as a child i was told this was sign language for yes, but i have no idea if that's accurate or not. i've had this stim since i was nine as a nonspeaking way of showing my extreme excitement for something.

twirling my hair, occasionally pulling it. i have curls and so while it looks like i'm just touching up some curls, it typically is a tic that happens when i am very uncomfortable.

scrunching up my face and shaking my head. this can range from looking like a cute anime sneeze to a straight up meltdown. this happens when i am trying to tell someone no and they do not listen to me.

chewing my fingernails and the skin around them. this is by far the worst stress reaction i have, but it's also become a grounding technique. i've done this ever since i was little to stop dissociating as the pain will typically pull me from that headspace.

squishing my stomach. this is associated with eating and feeling unhealthy.

repeating the phrase 'mish mish.' i saw it on a tumblr post about two months ago as a way someone was referring to misha and now i say it as a comfort phrase. if someone could tell me why i latched onto this specifically that would be great.

humming, but not a specific tune. i typically try to find the pitch of whatever is bothering me most (like if there's a tornado test siren) as a way to feel like i control that stimulus.

just making sounds. you all know the sounds i am talking about. thee sounds

but, by far, my biggest and most frequent tic is neck tensing. this one is borderline dangerous. first my neck tenses up and then my head will shake, just a little bit until i either a) manage to stop by some miracle or b) my neck grows so tense i get stuck in a little sideways tilt for about 30 minutes.

other general sensory issues i have:

clothing texture

overlapping noise

watching tv without subtitles. literally cannot do this

the texture of whatever i am standing on (i'm not kidding, i will literally only wear fuzzy socks bc of this)

body temperature

tastes and textures of foods

restraining or constricting physical touch (for example: hand on the shoulder? so chillin. hug? i think the fuck not)

END OF LIST

[chronic-invisibility]

This might be tmi and it’s a possibly triggering subject so i’m gonna put this under the cut

Tw for talk of surgery, general gender dysphoria and genital dysphoria

My hysterectomy is scheduled for just under 3 weeks from now, and as part of surgery prep I’m supposed to use vaginal estrogen to help prevent tearing. Problem is, I literally can’t even get myself to open the package and look at the medication itself, much less use it, it’s making my dysphoria and my anxiety so bad. I want surgery to go well and have minimal issues healing, I don’t want to sabotage myself, but I physically can’t get myself to do this. I feel like part of it might also be that I work in a pharmacy and I get all my prescriptions filled at the pharmacy I work at so I can deal with any kind of insurance issues and just pick things up when I’m already there, and because I get my prescriptions where I work, that means at minimum two (probably more) of the people I work with, possibly more, know that I have a vagina because I have a prescription for vaginal estrogen. And that really bothers me for some reason. Like I’m out to pretty much everyone as trans, I don’t really try to hide it and I’m pretty visibly not a cis man imo, it’s not like I don’t want people to know (coworkers I’m ok with knowing, but I live and work in an EXTREMELY conservative town and it isn’t very safe for me to be openly and visibly trans here so I try really hard to keep it to people I know I trust) but there’s a difference between knowing someone is trans and specifically knowing what kind of genitals they have and that they need medication related to that. It just freaks me out. That and the dysphoria I’m dealing with from even thinking about what I would have to do to administer this medication is making my brain literally not work correctly. My chest is physically tight and painful over this, I woke up with a migraine yesterday from stressing out about this, I can’t do it and I know that I’m potentially hurting myself by not doing this but I just can’t.

[shallow-wordsalad]

OC: Ashley Cotterill - "Vox Viridi"

Premise: A young woman, the victim of terrible circumstance, is disfigured and disabled by a world that's been far crueler to her than she ever deserved. Still, she remains unbowed, and retains hope and optimism for people and her future. Nature powers; ASL-speaking, nonverbal; homeless. Mature themes, light delivery, meant for modern fantasy or superhero fiction.

TW for content involving her: abuse, violence, body dysphoria.

Appearance: Ashley is a petite girl of a modest 5'4" height, though one would be hard-pressed to identify her gender or much else about her at a glance. Wrapped in loose clothing, two layers of coats, and unlaced boots, her silhouette is inflated by her choice of protective and warm clothing above anything that one might call "fashionable" or "cute" or even "entirely intact." For lack of shape, one might inquire upon her face for identifying features, and would be stymied just the same through different means. A muddy bandana, once either red or white and now a mottled mix of browns, covers all above her brow but a tangle of long and matted blonde braids, interwoven with dandelions and baby's-breath. Her eyes are completely hidden behind what appear to be a pair of costume-shop goggles, cracked in one tinted lens and the strap thrice-replaced and re-fitted. Her nose and mouth are hidden behind a make-shift gaiter made of what was probably once a black shirt, if the two-thirds of a band logo is any signifier. As if even that were revealing too much, a long scarf - the only clean source of color on her apparel, a charming block-stripe of emerald green over forest green - is wrapped wide around her face to stave out the chill of bitter seasons no matter the time of year. Hands, which one will take great notice of as she speaks her language of gestures, are covered in a pair of well-worn women's gloves, leather lined with fur. Most curious about her, and likely what one would use to identify her after giving up on picking her face or figure out of a crowd, is the corona of flowers and grass at her feet wherever she stands. Constantly springing to blossom, withering away, and rising again in a steady, abbreviated demonstration of the life-cycle of small plants.

Personality: In brief, Ashley is a sweetheart with the stubbornness of someone who has survived the world's many attempts on her life. Where many grow cynical, exhausted, and weathered by life's many trials, guarding themselves against pain and disappointment as scars accumulate, Ashley decided long ago to do the opposite. Each time life takes something from her, the compassion and joy within the wellspring of her soul either finds a new home or concentrates further on what remains. Every moment she's alive is a gift, and one she - like an excited child on their birthday - shares with everyone around her. Attempts at dissuasion from her hidden smile find no foothold. Sour words are met with a shrug and a kind response. Only attempts at direct violence will make her stop trying to be your friend, and even then you will make no enemy of her - she'll simply leave. When you next see her, it will be with renewed willingness to talk should you want to. She is ever a survivor of hardship, and that includes her infinite love of life and hope for the future surviving into tomorrow.

Abilities and Skills: Granted some degree of power over plants and fungi by the ineffable and voiceless force of Mother Nature, Gaia, or whatever one wishes to deem the very will of the planet, Ashley has the supernatural ability to grow plants with her touch - direct or indirect. It's a power she can suppress to some degree, but never fully silence, and when allowed off its leash, can turn a parking lot into a garden in less than an hour. Focus and knowledge would allow her to create specific, individual plants or fungal growths. On the more mundane side, Ashley is extremely talented in the field of urban survivalism. To endure and thrive through city life without a home, one needs to know how to hide from unwanted company, how to climb fences and evade pursuers, where and when to find edible food and useful objects, and how to make a home and comforts from what you find. The combination of the above trades lead Ashley to a clumsy, home-made version of botany and herbal remedies as well. Ashley's burgeoning knowledge of plants and their compositions does give her a steady means of providing food, psychedelics, disinfectants, and mild painkillers to herself and others in need, though one'd be better off with a pharmacy and administered medication than the self-taught and ad hoc home treatments. Out of necessity after losing her ability to speak, Ashley learned American Sign Language, and can act as an interpreter for deaf people in her company. Finally, though it's rarely useful for much, Ashley's light-footed and lighthearted lifestyle has made her a skilled dancer.

Likes: Flowers, the outdoors, dancing, upbeat music, loud metal music, cooking, parkour, being social, hugs, girls with long legs, guys with beards, applying flower symbolism to people's lives, giving people sign names, giving people the warm-fuzzies, summertime, mornings, vague spiritualism, the color green, and rain.

Dislikes: Small dogs, large reptiles, being called "Ash", alleyways, police and criminals both, the smell of tobacco, gloomy and/or downtempo music, feeling exposed, cynicism and negative-thinkers, being filmed, being comforted by others, people who assume she is helpless, winter, particularly dark nights, being alone, the color grey, the government (Anarchy!), smartphones (they are government tracking devices!).

Relatives: No known living relatives.

Age: 20+; She hasn't been counting for a long time.

Sex/Gender: Cisgender Female

Race/Ethnicity: Human, Irish-Italian-Anglosaxon-American mutt.

Birthday: April 22

Favorite Food: Bread

[idohistorysometimes]

Pro-Alopecia does not mean “Anti-trans”

Never thought I would have to type this but, here we are.

Yesterday I gave a talk about Alopecia that functioned as a comparison between the experience Alopecians had in the 1800s and what we have now (because they are very similar). I was giving this talk to illustrate a more human and less strictly medical side to having Alopecia. And I was giving this talk to show people that we can break the stigmas surrounding subjects like baldness. Hair Loss does not have to be the end-all-be-all. Acceptance and normalization is better than ‘fixing’. And this is not just something that can be limited to Alopecia either since the same thing can (and should) be applied to other invisible or visible conditions (like autism for example). However, I do not think everybody in this crowd ‘got’ what I was trying to say.

There was a family in the crowd that had a trans child. I am not sure what they identified as, for ease of telling the remainder of this story I will refer to them with gender neutral pronouns and verbiage. I could tell that my bit about acceptance was resonating with this person since self acceptance and normalization of diversity are pretty standard good things across the board. Being trans should not make you a social outcast because you are living as your authentic self. However, their family members kept jabbing them in the shoulders and saying things like “yeah” when I mentioned not needing treatment to love yourself and that torturing yourself in the name of treatments that probably won't work is not worth it (because this is what a lot of Alopecia treatments are at this point). And this is where I begin to take issue because these 2 things are not comparable and should not be.

It became extra clear that what I said did not stick with this family when one member of this family came up to me at the end of my talk and told me they “wished they could someday find a cure for my condition so that I can be normal”. They just missed the entire point of what I was saying.

For Alopecia and conditions like it: treatment is not necessary since a lot of the negative aspects of these conditions come from the fact there is a social stigma to these conditions, not the conditions themselves. Baldness will not kill you. Baldness will not make you seriously ill or drain the life out of you slowly. Now,  I understand illnesses that come alongside alopecia in its many forms can do that, but Alopecia itself is not something that inherently needs to be treated. And the treatments that do exist for Alopecia (as I said before) often do not work and are extremely painful. Steroid injections are not fun. And due to the nature of Alopecia and how it works there is no real guarantee that they will result in any notable change. Due to how long hair growth in general takes you could be waiting 6 months or more to even see if the treatment is working. Many other Alopecians both famous and not have come out to talk about why these injections are not worth it. And a lot of this is built off of their own experience dealing with the trauma of going through these injections either because they felt they needed to, or because they wanted the bullying to stop.

Transness is not the same thing.

Acceptance and self acceptance is not a band aid solution to every problem. If it was, we would be setting broken bones but accepting the fact they are there. Some things need medical intervention. And determining if those things do need medical intervention or not should be a conversation you have with your doctor. If you are experincing gender dysphoria it is proven that socially and medically transitioning will help you and reduce risk of suicide. This has been recommended by:

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

American Academy of Dermatology

American Academy of Family Physicians

American Academy of Nursing

American Academy of Pediatrics

American Academy of Physician Assistants

American College Health Association

American College of Nurse-Midwives

American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

American College of Physicians

American Counseling Association

American Heart Association

American Medical Association

American Medical Student Association

American Nurses Association

American Osteopathic Association

American Psychiatric Association

American Psychological Association

American Public Health Association

American Society of Plastic Surgeons

Endocrine Society

National Association of Nurse Practitioners in Women's Health

National Association of Social Workers

National Commission on Correctional Health Care

Pediatric Endocrine Society

Society for Adolescent Health and Medicine

World Medical Association

These are all organizations that have advocated for gender-affirming care, all of which are national and internationally accredited. 

The logic many people use for discouraging transition and people use for advocating for these steroid injections for Alopecians is pretty much the same. It all comes down to “you should conform to what other people want from you and your appearance because living as you are makes me and others confused”. Long hair is often equated with femininity. Without it its hard to be considered feminine. Women and fem presenting people with Alopecia often feel disconnected from their femininity because of the social pressure for fem people to have long hair. Do you need to have hair to be a woman? No. Do you need to have hair to be fem? No. Does your femininity start and stop at hair? No. It does not need to be like that. Does the transness of others affect you? No. Can gender identity be diverse? Yes. Do people need to detransition or not transition at all to ‘accept themselves’? No, because accepting who you are and transitioning to begin with already is a form of self acceptance. 

To the person in that audience who had my words used against them by the people they were with: I am sorry and you did not deserve that. You should be able to love yourself, trans or not, and be able to be yourself without external pressures to conform to what others want from you. Self harm in the form of this forced conformity, or literal self harm, is not worth it. Please do not ever consider seeking conversion type services to appease others. Be you. Keep being you, whoever that might be. 

And for the people still clambering to find reasons to relentlessly harass trans people and make their lives harder: you are the equivalent of what that family member said to me at the end of my talk. You do not get it. This is not about curing and fixing people. This is not about ensuring everybody must check some sort of box inorder to be validated and accepted. Baldness can be beautiful and transness can be acceptable.

Let people love themselves and be themselves please.

[royalberryriku]

// Half a vent, half a political thihg

TW: body stuff, gender dysphoria, talk about blood

I feel extremely nauseous and like I'm gonna throw up because of my stupid ass period which only came back because I stopped taking T to save money for a little bit ughhh. Like I'm ok and il survive, I'll be taking T again in January, but still. This sucks and like...

Ok not trying to act like or say "oh no being a trans man is so much harder than being a cis woman blah blah blah" here, but I do just wanna saying having a period as a trans man just really sucks a lot. Not only do we have to deal with a period the same way a cis woman does; feeling sick, digestive system fucking up, the pain and cramps, mess and how it can make you feel really down, etc. but we also can have the whole gender dysphoria side of it as well which can absolutely get worse with the emotional stuff that happens during periods.

I feel very very depressed during my periods already, it's fucks with my already not great mental health and makes me think in darker places than I'd usually, but on top of that?? It makes gender dysphoria all around feel more extreme plus it causes gender dysphoria itself. The the other things about it also can cause gender dysphoria as well, so there's like. 3 added issues that come with my period purely because of gender dysphoria.

This doesn't even over the societal issues and how hard it is to be a trans man with a period when you're out and need to change your pad or tampon. I usually just don't and do it at home since I can luckily get away with that but there are so many trans man who can't do that and it suckks. No wonder so many trans men I know are on birth control, esp if they're pre t/ not planning on taking t.

Overall it just kind of sucks and it highlights, ironically, how different it is to be a trans man rather than a cis woman and is yet another example of how the terf argument "ooh but we have the same body so it's a shared issue" just really doesn't work and actively just erases all these issues and ignores the differences in our struggles; namely that it's just different both literally and socially to be perceived as a man who also had a period and who finds that everything about it causes a secondary, separate type of distress.

[purplespaceace]

very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where I’ve watched/read it and I’ve gone, “oh, this character actually has adhd” is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, here’s my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.

I’ll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.

I’ll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isn’t one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because they’re so eager to please.

For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. They’ll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.

how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says it’s terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they don’t like him or don’t trust him, etc. he’s also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.

An interest-based nervous system

An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we can’t make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD don’t. That means that people with ADHD don’t have any reason to do tasks, especially those they don’t like. This leads to executive dysfunction—people with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they can’t seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of time—I’ll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and won’t be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they don’t want to hear because of this, and don’t have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because we’re so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. I’ll forget to eat if I’m busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and won’t go to the bathroom or drink water either. It’s also important to note that taking away distractions doesn’t help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydream—something that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.

people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!

people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD don’t care about anything because of this.

people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If we’re overstimulated, we can experience sensory overload—if things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at once—often it’s not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.

We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when I’m talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.

people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isn’t an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.

we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I don’t write it down or organize it like that it feels like I’m trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (it’s not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when I’m reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.

also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who don’t take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.

another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, “nope, not thinking about that right now” and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.

people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore can’t manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.

we also have something called consequence blindness—we do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I don’t brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I don’t think about that when I’m deciding I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. He’s also very distractible—when they’re trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that he’ll forget Amy if they don't work together because he’s like a goldfish.

Emotional hyperarousal

This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so we’ll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.

people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what you’re saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I don’t have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other people‘s tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we don’t pick up on that stuff.

people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they have—if they dont have a lot in their main task, they’ll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if I’m hyperfocusing on something I often don’t notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.

in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, he’s picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.

[anauro]

it’s so confusing to me and i’m trying to educate myself but i get so much backlash when i ask and i get it no one owes someone to help educate them but then they ask why people aren’t educated on a subject it’s like no one will explain

how can you identify as a man and still want to be pregnant? does that not go against your gender identity? i understand some people can’t afford bottom surgery but wouldn’t getting pregnant as a trans male go against who you are considering giving birth is well a women or i guess nb thing?

im not trying to be hateful or rude i’m just curious and trying to learn

Hi anon,

I am not a trans man, so I may not be the best person to address this. I know there are trans men following me, but currently none has this information in their bio, so I will not be tagging them. They can interact with this post if they’d like to.

I will put the rest under the cut, because it's a sensitive topic and some people may not want to read it. I will also tag your ask with warnings, even though I understand you are just curious. Don't take it the wrong way, it is just to avoid dysphoria in people who'd rather not read this.

My advice would be to either google this (quora and reddit has plenty of threads like that) or ask a trans man directly.

I can provide my opinion as a person who isn't cis, but I don't see myself as a man either.

So.

In my opinion, genitals are not something that define you or your gender identity. A trans man may chose to undergo full surgical transition or may stay in the body they were born in and not even go on hormonal treatment. Trans men who aren't on T or who don't bind are just as much men and as valid as the rest of the male identifying community.

I believe this is the first thing you, anon, need to understand. Genitals do not equal gender. Not all trans people want to change their bodies and their genitals. Not only is this a painful, long and expensive process, it is also a risky one and sometimes it's just something that's not desired by the person in question.

I personally am not happy in my current body, I find it too feminine and gross, but it brings me great joy to think there are trans and nb folks out there who don't experience that. I don't identify with they/them pronouns, I go by she/he but am AFAB. For that reason, consuming trans men media (reading, writing, art, porn) feels very euphoric to me. I don't always relate to them, I wouldnt want to be viewed as strictly a man (I like both), but my anatomy relates closer to trans men than it does to trans women or cis women. It makes me feel happy to write trans male characters, simply put.

A man with a vagina or a woman with a penis is perfectly valid.

People who are born with a uterus can choose to use it and I don't think the desire to have biological children invalidates their gender identity. This mentality that pregnancy is a women-unique experience is a social construct and nothing more.

If you want to understand the trans and nb community, you must first understand that nothing in this world belong strictly to one gender only. Anyone can wear suits. Anyone can wear dresses and heels. Anyone can have a penis. Anyone can be pregnant.

Pregnancy for me is something extremely dysphoric. Even before I realised I am not cis, I have had extreme reservations about it. If I ever become pregnant, I would consider myself a pregnant man cause the mentality that I am a pregnant woman would be too damaging for me.

So to wrap it up, this is not a trans man talking, but a genderfluid person. You, anon, need to get rid of this 'x is a women's thing and y is a men' thing' mentality. Or that the state of one's body and their organs and genitals define them. Gender roles are a social construct and a very harmful one.

If anything in this post is factually incorrect or transphobic, please feel free to point it out to me. I too am still learning and always willing to be pointed out where my obnoxiousness or privilege is showing. Similarly, if I missed a tag - let me know asap!

Lastly, I'd like people to not comment on the personal things I described here. If you know me a bit better (aka if we talked one to one on discord), then feel free to message me, but otherwise I am sorry, but I don't care what people think of my personal experiences.