#gender & sexuality are weird I don’t even get why I’m trans but I know it’s the case

[trans-androgyne]

Weirdest people in my inbox today. I’m literally a lesbian, why are you asking me to explain like philosophically why gay men are attracted to men 💀

[genderkoolaid]

okay, so, i keep seeing this take come up a lot from non-trans men and non-trans mascs, and it’s making me a bit uncomfortable. for background, i’m a trans man that writes smut for trans mascs, trans men, and non-binary folks. i write in fandom spaces so this is a strictly fandom basis and not irl basis

more and more often i keep seeing non trans men and non trans mascs saying “if you think mpreg is gross you’re just transphobic” without nuance and when i explain “hey, this maybe isn’t a good take to have since there’s a LOT of reasons people may be grossed out by mpreg (eg. dysphoria, how heavily fetishized it is in fandom spaces by non-trans writers, how it’s used to fetishize trans m characters, the person grossed out may be a closeted trans man or trans masc or don’t realize that the “gross” feeling is dysphoria, etc.)”, i get shouted down and told that i’m wrong. and it’s kind of making me question my own line of thinking.

i guess, i’m just looking for some perspective from trans men and trans mascs on this topic? if there is any? bc i honestly can’t tell if i’m having a knee jerk reaction to my own personal experiences with fetishization. idk if you do much with fandom spaces, but i also don’t really know where else to get perspective

I think there's an important difference between different interpretations of "finding mpreg gross." One interpretation is male pregnancy being a squick for people as individuals for a variety of reasons, such as dysphoria. But in the context of systemic transandrophobia, "gross" is describing the idea that male pregnancy is an obscene, disturbing fetish akin to guro, something that is objectively abnormal and inappropriate.

The reason why "mpreg is gross" is transphobic is because its based in the idea that a pregnant man is unnatural and wrong, and that pregnant men can only exist as a "fucked up" sexual fetish. People are incapable of being normal about male pregnancy in any context and will compulsively go "EWW mpreg is so weird and fucked up!!! is this omegaverse!!!" even when talking about real men's experiences or desires. Male pregnancy is seen as a joke, a kink, or a crime against nature, but never something normal, natural, neutral.

Feeling dysphoria around pregnancy for yourself isn't transphobic, and people can write/depict male pregnancy in ways that are uncomfortable. Personally, I don't like how a lot of people's first thought when it comes to male pregnancy is cis men getting pregnant, with trans men- men who can and do actually get pregnant- are an afterthought. Its annoying to see posts joking about "getting a man pregnant" where people immediately jump to "cis male mpreg," distancing transmascs from our own bodies' abilities & replacing us in the cultural mind with cis men. I don't think cis male mpreg is inherently bad, but there are valid criticisms to be made.

And while you are just talking about fandom stuff, I don't think we should entirely separate this from the wider treatment of pregnant men- who are constantly dehumanized irl, treated like walking freaks (I was just reading an article the other day where a trans father talked about being called "it" throughout his pregnancy, and this is not uncommon), and having their gender validity heavily scrutinized for using their "female anatomy" even though they "want to be a man," sometimes even from other trans people. The way mpreg is treated in fandom spaces does very little to counter this narrative- if anything, in my experience, it just adds that "dirty" connotation, where pregnant men aren't just freaks, their pregnancy must be inherently sexual and should be kept out of public spaces. And this really does not help the idea that trans people are groomers who shouldn't be around children- I have also seen transphobes fearmonger about transmasc fathers & their children & whether or not the children will be safe, or be able to grow up properly, or if they'll be traumatized because of their father.

This is all to say: I don't know exactly the contexts you've heard "saying mpreg is gross is transphobic" in, but to me, arguing against "mpreg = gross" is a necessary part of dealing with the objectifying & dehumanizing way we see male pregnancy discussed in fandom spaces. Male pregnancy should be just the same as female pregnancy. Its normal, its natural. Some people have fetishes relating to it. Some people are really disturbed by the idea of it happening to them. & while there are unique brands of misogyny directed at pregnant women, the image of a pregnant woman isn't treated like something inherently dirty and obscene the same way a pregnant man is. People finding male pregnancy strange or gross- not because of dysphoria or personal preference, but out of transandrophobia- is the status quo right now, and its important to counteract this by normalizing male pregnancy as A Thing Some Men Do.

[starlightrosari]

Gender struggles from childhood to now (22)

I don’t look like the other girls

I don’t get along with other girls

I get along better with boys

I want to be one of the guys

I wish I looked more like a boy

I don’t feel I belong in women’s spaces

I feel uncomfortable with female gender expectations and experiences

I feel jealous of how my friends who are boys are developing into their bodies

I feel uncomfortable with my genitalia

I feel uncomfortable with my body

I want to look more androgynous

I hate my body

I don’t mind my name, but it feels too feminine. It’s okay on other people, but I’d prefer a nickname for myself

The first nickname was cool, but still felt too feminine. This new nickname sounds really androgynous though, it feels good being called it

I feel like a tomboy

Am I transgender?

Do I have internalized misogyny from having mostly male friends?

I wish I could get along with women so I was treated equally

I just feel small and infantilized, I have to dress more mature and womanly and then I’ll love my body

I’m depressed and dissociated from myself because of people pleasing and trying to fit in with heteronormative people

Who am I?

I’m just a lesbian having a hard time with my sexuality, that’s why I have these body issues and gender issues. And I just don’t know who I am because of depression and trauma

I stopped being called my birth name entirely. I guess family can still call me it even if it feels weird, but it feels good being called “Ari” at my college and by my friends

I stopped people pleasing

I feel better now that I’m dressing masculine

I feel better now that I’m not being called pretty all the time

Maybe I actually am trans?

I kind of like they/them pronouns

Maybe not, I’m okay with my body now and people think nonbinary isn’t real. This is too complicated

I still feel uncomfortable calling myself or being called a woman though

I don’t want to base my identity off the misogyny I deal with anymore, I feel most comfortable calling myself nonbinary for now, and it’s okay if it’s a phase, I just need to explore how I’m feeling

I don’t like using she/her pronouns

I’m terrified to come out to people, maybe I should just tell them I use she/they pronouns so it’s not as big of a deal

I came out to people, but now I feel like I shouldn’t have given them “she” as an option at all

I still wish I were more like a boy, but I don’t think I have gender dysphoria

I’m so envious of my favorite fictional boy characters, I want to cry, I’m nothing like them

I wish when I were out at night I didn’t look like such a girl. I want to look like the beautiful men and androgynous people I see. I want to cry, I hate my body sometimes

Actually I do have gender dysphoria and always have

I wish I were able to be androgynous in the way men can be

I feel uncomfortable being viewed as the feminine bodied person in a relationship. In fantasies I’m always masculine

I feel dysphoric every time I lump myself as sapphic, but maybe it’s just internalized lesbophobia?

No, I prefer calling myself queer. Just because identifying as lesbian stopped me from being cis/heteronormative and was an important part of finding my true self, doesn’t mean I have to keep identifying as it. Still don’t know if I’m attracted to men though

Actually I was attracted to men all along, I just wished I were viewed by strangers as an mlm couple and hated the idea of being viewed as a straight relationship. It was easy to mistake as being lesbian because it at least felt better being seen as a queer woman than a straight girl, so I avoided that possibility altogether by refusing that I was attracted to men because it felt too dysphoric to imagine

I often get really depressed being misgendered, and I feel really detached from myself most days. I don’t want to keep feeling this way

I definitely don’t feel good being called feminine terms or dressing feminine, trying to be more of a girl didn’t make me feel better about myself, I’m absolutely trans and don’t have to doubt myself anymore

I don’t feel dysphoric calling myself nonbinary and neutral language, but I don’t feel euphoric either. How do I identify and what do I do about my dysphoria?

Do I want to transition? It’s so confusing and scary, I wish I were binary trans so I wasn’t so afraid of the irreversible changes

Weighing out changes of the body on T and pros and cons of being off or on T, I’m definitely feeling like some of the changes would make me really euphoric compared to being without it

I actually kind of like calling myself masculine terms. I don’t feel like a man, but maybe I’m a demiboy?

I wanted an androgynous body when I was very young, and I still want one now. I was gaslit by cis people that how I felt about my body was just insecurity, when it was in fact gender dysphoria. I want to transition to a body that feels like me

I like he/him pronouns and feel affirmed being called masculine terms. I’m going to use he/they pronouns and I identify as a nonbinary boy

I’m terrified of having to deal with transmasculine erasure and transphobia coming out, but I can’t keep staying in the closet. It hurts too much. I need to come out

[theraddestfemalive]

Y’know what? Fuck it. I’m going to say this

I don’t think any non-gc or tra lib gives a fuck about what im about to say, even considering that im going to tag the cr fandom.

I’m only adding one radfem tag because this post is centered around another topic.

i feel like ever since the trans population has tripled, it hasn’t been the same. Before any of you cucks think im talking about the idea of being trans, im also talking about the community behind it. Their ideas within the concept of it.

the concept of being ‘transgender’ was built on the foundation of sexist stereotypes; although the origins had a different purpose in ancient societies (varying ofcourse), it was ultimately used as a weapon to oppress women in the modern times, the goal was to make a person ‘feel’ like a male or female and now trillions of micro labels and gender identities are used to describe people who feel slightly above the normal and they’re treated as if they’re some kind of clothes that you put on instead of an identity.

Because of this, most people don’t even know what a woman or a lesbian is. They try to replace the definition of something that was exclusive to one sex to cater to the whims of men.

Ever since last year, most my friends that weren’t into that shit now identify as trans and I saw a dramatic shift in their personality. Most if not all of them were autistic women that did not conform of societal standards of what a ‘woman’ is. Some people may argue it’s because of how lightly a transgender identity is perceived. But on my end, I think it also has to do with the lack of representation of quirky female characters in media.

likely I would’ve fit into one of those micro labels or some shit like that but I was lucky enough to discover characters and things that I aligned with so I didn’t have to deal with shitty gender dysphoria (alongside with my very obvious mental issues and me being neurodivergent myself)

When I look at the older cookie run art (2016-2021), or even from eastern countries (eastern countries aren’t really politically correct) I could truly see the characters in the scene. There is passion behind it. The artists are either older or they know what they’re doing. And it doesn’t seem like an overload

when I see newer cookie run ‘fanart’ esp when there’s a lot of people within the western community, I don’t see a lot of what the characters truly are. All I see is their interpretation of what their character would look like if it was an unoriginal copy of a 14 year old gendie’s oc. Alongside with that, they add a thousand headcanons and sexualities, making the character unrecognizable. And if that wasn’t the cherry on top, they’re so obsessed with lgbtq and race stuff (no im not a bigot, don’t even try to fucking label me as one im a bisexual woc ) that’s all what they talk about besides stupid discourse topics. Oh, and also changing a dough color is ‘racist’ (they’re fucking COOKIES. Their dough color was based off of their ingredients and complimentary colors, even the devs had to explain and yet the western community still bitches about it like whiny 5 year olds. They come in all colors, not just fucking skintones.)

I think the characters and ships of the community would be much more likable for me if it wasn’t infiltrated by the discourse gang.

I think instead of giving drugs and cosmetic surgery to children, we should get deeper into the psychology of why there’s a lot of trans people on the rise. Don’t you think it’s weird that it has to be an ‘urgency’ to get surgery or children will kts? Maybe instead of thinking it as a life or death situation, think of how most of these people are mentally ill compared to the other lgbtq demographics.

I probably sound like a fucking dick here and im going to get a lot of hateful notes and messages, but honestly.. idgaf

Before you water this down to ‘trans people bad’ im just highlighting the problems of their community and its immense effect on teens my age (13-15 age range im not telling you) before dickriding the movement, I think *again* we should get deeper into the psychology of these people, thank you for reading.

maybe one or two people know who i am because of the image i will show below, who cares lol

i will block if I receive any threats :)))

[serrennedyanonwriter]

Part Two of ?? Of the HCs

1 | 2 | 3

Ada Wong

Bisexual/Trans Feminine/Aroace

Bisexual because I see her being interested in both men and women.

Trans because yes.

Aroace because I don’t see her interested in anyone, and yes, that includes Leon. I see those two more of bisexual besties that are each other’s wingman/woman even though both of them never really score /hj

Sherry Birkin

Bisexual/Asexual

Bisexual as like Ada, I see her being interested in men and woman.

Asexual as she’s like me (heard about sex and said no thanks /hj).

H.U.N.K.

Aroace

No questions, that is all /hj

Actually, I don’t know why, I just see him only really being married to his job, and for that reason, he isn’t attracted to anyone.

Carlos Oliveira

Bisexual/Trans Masculine/Asexual/Demiromantic/Polyamorous

Bisexual as he’s like Leon; I would hc him as gay if he didn’t flirt with Jill.

Trans because I can.

Asexual because I don’t know, something about him screams asexual.

Demiromantic as he does flirt, but he doesn’t like anyone romantically unless he’s close with them.

Polyamorous because he is with Leon and Luis, and they live in an apartment together with a wolf and a cat.

Steve Burnside

Bisexual

I really hate that they made him act weird with Claire because he gives me hella gay man vibes.

Crossing my fingers they get rid of that in the remake.

Jack Krauser

Bisexual/Asexual/Demiromantic

Bisexual but he’s in denial even though he’s 100% kissed Wesker a couple times /hj

I keep seeing people hc/say that Krauser’s bisexual awakening was Leon, but no thanks, Leon technically his student as Krauser is his mentor (aka a student/teacher relationship), and I feel weird about it. I prefer to say it’s Wesker, thank you-

Asexual because he doesn’t actually like sex.

Demiromantic because it takes a lot of closeness for Krauser to actually fall in love with someone romantically.

Manuela Hidalgo

Pansexual/Aroace

Pansexual as I can see her not really caring about the gender of who she dates, just as long as she loves them, she’s with them.

Aroace as I see her being so.

Ashley Graham

Lesbian/Demisexual

I actually flip-flop on her sexuality a lot. She’s either 100% a lesbian or bisexual with a preference for woman.

Before anyone says, “What about when she flirted with Leon??”, shhhh. Let me have this.

Something about her gives me “I love woman more” vibes.

Anyway, demisexual as I can see her only being okay with it when she’s close with someone.

Ingrid Hunnigan

Lesbian/Aroace

I’m not kidding when I only started seeing her as a lesbian through a Hunnigan/Ada fic. It was really fucking good that it made me only see her loving women, not men. I didn’t even ship them, but it convinced me.

Aroace because she doesn’t seem interested in anyone really.

Luis Serra-Navarro

Genderfluid/Bisexual/Polyamorus

I have this thing that I look at characters in fandoms I’m in, and if their hair is very gender, they get genderfluid as a treat.

That’s what happened with Luis. Plus, I see him possibly fluctuating between femininity and masculinity a lot in terms of how he dresses.

Bisexual because have you seen him? He’s clearly a bisexual man.

Polyamorous because he’s definitely dating Carlos and Leon /hj

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

I just wanted to say a massive thank you to these guys and everyone I’ve met/made friends with over the last couple years because of them, I got to see them three times in the last 13 months and from not being allowed to see them and then getting three times is insane

I’m just going to do a little run down as to why these boys mean so much to me through albums and eras

self-titled as an era as well as notes - help me relive my teen years , help me relive as the teenage boy that I didn’t get to live (being trans I was raised as a female and my teen years where very weird obviously) , but since coming out I’ve made the connection that these albums really help me feel like the teenage boy I was meant to be and I couldn’t thank the guys more for that and I know there probably never going to here it but it’s wild that even though I’m never actually going to be able to go back and fully relive my teenage years these albums do help me.

I like it when you sleep- I don’t know what it is about iliwys but it helps me feel so confident in my sexuality and gender around others , it helps me care less what others may think of it. I can just be me and not be bothered about others thoughts. Be the openly little gay boy that I am and not care that others may veiw it as icky or be homophobic toward me it just keeps me safe and grounded and I don’t feel like I have to hide because of this.

a brief Inquiry(can’t spell sorry)- ABIIOR - has helped me care more for the environment and schooling and helped me care more about my knowledge for other things like art and writing , creativity in all forms (I cared before but like now with this album) , I’ll stay up and learn about art and history and feel like I’m expanding my brain learning about the world around me and how things used to be - I just feel smarter

but the best of all really is

Being Funny - to me this one brings the best out because it really makes me feel like I’ve grown as a person and that everything around me has grown with me , as have the people around me , I’ve gained so much confidence and done things I never thought id do , I’ve grown up with the guys because of this era , I feel like I’m growing into the gentleman that I want to be and it just makes me feel so grown. I can do everything I dream of and do it to the best of my abilities

so I wanna thank the guys SO MUCH for helping me through everything in life

[whats-amata-you]

Man it’s weird being trans. Like yeah I did always know, I did my googling waaaaaaay back in middle school and found the gender vs sex rabbit hole when I was like 11 on ye olde 2004 Wikipedia, I prayed for years for god to let me be some kind of intersex that just looks female so I wouldn’t get boobs or periods, I asked my Texan dad to call me “sir” instead of “ma’am” when I was maybe 7 and he did for a week before he realized I wasn’t going to get sick of it.

But I didn’t always KNOW. I grew up under this weird kind of rock made of autism and whiteness and being middle-class and non-denominational Christian, so I was brought up believing everyone was basically the same, and then there were The Weird Ones, but The Weird Ones were usually fine as long as they weren’t being “in your face” about things. I knew that there were men and there were women and there were intersex people, I knew what was expected of men and what was expected of women. But I didn’t know how the cishets ACTUALLY saw the queers. I didn’t know the consequences of being born in a female body but insisting on being a boy. I didn’t know what my transness would actually cost if I pushed too hard for it.

And no,I didn’t try, because I didn’t know it was an option, obviously. But I’d never seen trans people anywhere before, never heard of them outside that Wikipedia article, never saw them referenced in media (we only got PBS until I was 16 and by then I was disinterested in almost anything outside my hyperfixations). I heard about gay people, and how it was wrong to sleep with someone of the same sex, but it was the lukewarm distaste of casual homophobia that just “doesn’t want to see it.” The biggest cost I actually saw to queer people was just… people not wanting to see them kiss their partner. As an aroace kid, I didn’t understand why that would be a big deal for either side.

I’d only heard of HIV and AIDS in dry, clinical explanations in sex ed. “It’s a sexually transmitted virus so use a condom every time, it also spreads via needles so don’t do drugs. The virus works like this and destroys your immune system so even a cold can kill you. You cannot get it by breathing their air or touching them or using a toilet seat or whatever, it has to be bodily fluids and usually not saliva. It’s incurable and fatal.” In retrospect, I learned WAY more about HIV/AIDS than a lot of kids did back in the late 90s and early 2000s, so that’s a mark in favor of Washington state (or maybe just that particular school district). But I never, not even once, heard queer people of any type and AIDS mentioned in the same sentence. I never heard of “the AIDS crisis” or its impact on the queer community until after I graduated high school and met a queer or two on the internet.

My old mentor Orion would probably have been shocked and appalled. She must have lived through and seen so much that I never knew about up until the last couple years, actively chasing down this elusive thing called “queer history” that I’d never known existed until I created a tumblr account in 2017.

I’m an aroace gay gnc trans masc enby. I could fill an entire book just explaining all the different aspects to my own queerness that I’ve found over the years. Most of it is just stuff I found words for, not things I didn’t already know about myself. And I never, until 2017, had any clue what any of it actually means in the context of society, culture, or politics.

I dunno what to do with that. I’m gonna chew on it for a while longer.

[blueikeproductions]

The reason why gender is such a mess in IDW is mainly because of Simon Furman stubbornly refusing to let go of his old Marvel G1 belief that the Transformers should be a genderless masculine presenting race. Which, I'm sorry Furman, but you can't put that genie back in the bottle. The girls exist, and it doesn't do you any favors to throw a tantrum and do weird shit with Acree's origin every time Hasbro forces you to write her.

Oh I’m acutely aware, I was there at ground zero, but my problem in IDW was less Furman, though he didn’t help by introducing Arcee as the result of a forced gender reassignment procedure, it was the countless retcons and asterisks other writers felt compelled to fix and only made it WORSE. It would’ve simply been better to just let Arcee’s trans roots be ignored and instead focus on having her become a better character, something IDW did at least attempt but I don’t know if they succeeded.

Like to Furman’s credit, the comical Prime’s Rib at least still showed Arcee to be strong, smart, and capable (what the feminists in story CLAIM they wanted), with most of the humor being Prime trying to appease stereotypical feminists and only making them angrier because they could only see Arcee just being pink and having an interest in men (because she did show an interest in Hot Rod). As much as some don’t want to hear it, the story aged all too well because of the current hyper political environment we’re stuck in now, with even stuff like IDW and EarthSpark being somewhat the result of appeasing radical groups rather than being entertaining to all ages and groups. And IDW lost the license, and EarthSpark had failed on all fronts, only sticking around out of a weak desire on Hasbro’s part to have something on for the 40th anniversary. They’ve otherwise moved on to TFONE and Arcee in Skybound is having a much better time.

I do think Furman may have let it go though, he wrote the Terrans just fine in EarthSpark’s tie in video game, and the tangibly related to Transformers in concept, Astrobots, that he writes, features several main female robots who are strong, capable and smart. Their origins in their race not being dwelled on beyond some handwaved human involvement if I recall correctly.

I do understand his confusion, why do a race of robotic beings who don’t sexually reproduce need females in THAT context, but having them in general doesn’t seem to be an issue beyond that to him. The problem remains is he dwelled on it too long, explained it in a jokey way in Marvel UK that honestly was pry the best way to explain it back then in THAT universe, then tried to explain it in a cooler sci-fi way in IDW and got backlash from EVERYONE that it seemed to have humbled him enough. That said, some ideas are still clung to via Earth Wars, where he gleefully makes fun of both Dreamwave & IDW, and kinda rightfully so in SOME areas. Deathsaurus, with the threat of being sent to Dreamwave’s universe, is horrified at the idea (probably didn’t want to be drawn by Pat Lee among other things). The Prime’s Rib story having a spiritual successor where the Autobots find Melody has written romantic fan fiction about Drift & Prowl, and while they say as a species they don’t romantically pair off and poke holes at the Conjux terminology they don’t even have, they don’t really have too much of an issue with what Melody was doing. If anything they were more confused why she paired Drift with Prowl, and then playfully teased a clueless Prowl about it. Melody is also the main Autobot ally in the game and she and the Autobots get along just fine too.

[agent-oo-z]

Ok time for some trans/queer centric personal rambles. Happy pride I guess lol.

So for those who don’t know me. My name is Ani. I’m non-binary and use they/them/theirs pronouns. I don’t mind terms like dude and bro being used for me but in general I really don’t vibe with most gendered terms. I don’t know how to say this without it being weird so just bear with me on this, but I have female reproductive organs.

Seeing art and stories and smut and whatever of characters of a whole variety of gender identities with the same/similar anatomy to me has majorly helped my own dysphoria. Kink and smut and porn and all that “gross” shit was immeasurably more helpful than online discourse about how it’s ok to be trans but only if you have dysphoria and want surgery.

I know not everyone finds porn helpful for dysphoria. I don’t need to be told that fetishization can be harmful and biggoted and cruel.

But every time I see people saying things like “no kink at pride” or saying that porn(hell even just the vaguest suggestion of sexual intimacy in any form) needs to be hidden and locked away so children aren’t “tainted” or bitching about “bad fetishes” like CNC I just have to wonder.

Do they realize that that’s exactly what the people fighting to make being gay illegal are saying?

Like. There’s plenty of fetishes out there that personally disgust me. I won’t list them because 1) why would I and 2) I can just not engage with those fetishes/communities. I might occasionally stumble across it online and be briefly like “yuck” but then I just add to my filtered words/tags/blocked users lists and move on with my life. My own personal taste doesn’t get to be used as a litmus test for what types of sexual proclivities are “ok”.

As for the idea that anything that could trigger someone’s trauma is bad. I hate seafood. The smell of fish ties into one of my greatest sources of childhood trauma. Just being around people eating fish can send me into a dissociative episode. But I don’t get to demand everyone in the world, or even just around me, never eats fish again because of it.

Just because something traumatized me doesn’t mean I get to insist no one ever do it or post about it. I know my own boundaries. I keep myself safe. If someone tried to trick me into eating fish or sent me a bunch of fish pictures online that would be awful. But unless I set up some sort of insanely strict “no fish allowed” zone and never leave it, that’s a risk I willing partake. This metaphor is falling apart now but I hope you get the idea.

Just. If you, personally, find content of a trans person with specific anatomy wanting to be pregnant upsetting. That’s ok! But if you then try to use your discomfort to argue that no one should ever be allowed to create or share that type of content? You’re an asshole.

And to be clear this isn’t just about “puriteens” or whatever. This is also about full grown adult queers who see a person in a pupppy mask with a collar on walking in a pride parade and act like they’ve been personally attacked and harassed.

[genderkoolaid]

“You can set that boundary and say you don't want anyone who identifies as a woman to interact with you. That's your right. But multigender people aren't gonna trust you & are gonna see you as exorsexist or at least have exorsexist ways of thinking that make you unsafe for us to be around” hey man! Maybe not trusting someone who sets boundaries about their relationship is….. bad? Demanding someone have no boundaries about who interacts with their (especially sexual) content and demanding that people allow people who they are uncomfortable with to be alright with interactions! Yikes!

Also can I control who’s attracted to me? No. But I can choose to not act on it, if someone says men dni, men dni, swag. I simply respect relationships. Im not saying boygirls/girl boys/genderfucks are weird, they fuck, some of my best friends are gender fuckers, I’m saying it’s weird to explicitly identify as a woman and then get angry when people who don’t enjoy women interacting with their content…. Get….. angry? At them for setting that boundary.

sigh. okay

Your obsession with our womanhood is misandrogyny. Multigender people aren't infecting any communities, we aren't leeching in womanhood to gay spaces or manhood to lesbian spaces we aren't opening doors to cishet predators, and us interacting with your posts as gay men is not infecting you with our girl cooties. I'm not saying you don't have real trauma but your focus on how some gay men are women is a focus on how our androgyny and how unnerving and dangerous it is to binary identity.

On top of that: the focus on our womanhood when we are discussing our identities gay men means you are assuming that womanhood is a dominant identity, one stronger than our manhood, because its the part of our androgyny which unnerves you the most, which means its our dominant feature. When it comes to being a gay man, everyone sees me as a woman, but when I'm a lesbian suddenly I'm the most man ever, depending on which one offends monogender/binary people the most. If a multigender person is interacting with your post because they relate to it as a gay man, why are you focusing on their womanhood so hard, regardless of if you even know how their womanhood impacts their sexuality and manhood? All you need to know about multigender gay men, in this context, is that they are gay men in gay men's space. Its not weird to explicitly identify as a gay man and then get angry when people invalidate your identity as a gay man because you are also a woman, because they don't want to question why they think those things are incompatible. Why is it so concerning to you that some gay men are women? Why does their gender specifics matter to you at all? Why do you feel like its such an affront in the first place? That's the exorsexism. That's why multigender people wouldn't fucking trust you. Emotions aren't apolitical or except from critical reflection & I'm saying you ought to reflect on why you have this wariness towards multigender people in the first place instead of unquestioningly following it.

Lets pretend to be a transphobic gay man for a minute. "I don't want trans men interacting with my posts. I just don't want to have to see vaginas in gay men's space. Its not transphobic to set boundaries. Why are you getting upset with me? You just want to force me to have sex with vaginas, that's homophobic. I have the right to loudly tell trans men I don't want them to have anything to do with me because I think they all vaginas, all want to fuck me, and I find that disgusting. I respect trans men, I just think that letting them in gay men's spaces is opening the door to trying to force gay men to have sex with women!" Do you seriously not see the similarities?

Look I've had two different anons now talk to me about how much they love & support genderweird people, buuuut they just make life so hard for me because they talk about their identity and want to be respected and partake in their communities :( I promise I support you guys I just would like you to shape your lives around my internalized transphobia. I mean you literally said "I love gender fuckers, my best friends a gender fucker"

I really, truthfully, honestly hope you realize how fucked it is that you've now made me, someone who literally brought up the emotional trauma this kind of exorsexism has had on me and my sexuality, put all of this energy into explaining this and defending us.

[evillainist]

does anyone else have like, super contradicting gender/sexuality labels? like i call myself a nonbinary transmasc demigirl and a lesbian (long post ahead)

i use transmasc VERY loosely here because i started transitioning at 13, and, in some ways, masculinity is integral to my identity, but i also do not identify as a man at all. i think the best, albeit still confusing, way to describe it is that i identify as somewhat masculine, but not in a man way

i think that part of the reason why i still keep transmasc as part of my labels is because i solely identified as a boy from when i realized i was trans after starting puberty (so at around 11) to when i realized i was nonbinary when i was around 17, and now i feel like i have to keep the transmasc label around for some kind of self (or honestly even social) validation of my transness. the discourse surrounding afab nonbinary people that’s been rapidly increasing recently definitely doesn’t help (for the record, they’re all valid). it’s really hard to accept myself when i see so many people invalidating people who have similar identities to me

my gender is so unstable and constantly shifting, but since i realized i was nonbinary, i’ve been slowly “reclaiming my femininity” for lack of better words. within the past month or so, it’s gotten to the point where i identify most strongly with femininity, but also nothing at all at the same time. being nonbinary, maybe agender, is the core of my identity, but i’m slowly becoming more comfortable with the idea of presenting and identifying as something girl adjacent recently. it feels different now that it’s something i want rather than something that was forced onto me from birth

don’t get me wrong, i do not regret transitioning, and i’m definitely not detransitioning. being trans is an integral part of my identity and that isn’t going away just because i’m finally able to embrace my femininity

me being a lesbian is something i’ve only started to realize and accept recently. i didn’t think it was okay for me to call myself a lesbian even though i’m a feminine-ish identifying person who is only attracted to women and feminine identifying nonbinary people

i hold myself to weird standards compared to everyone else. it’s self-hypocritical of me because i believe that transmasc lesbians are valid, he/him lesbians are valid, and so many other “contradictory” lesbian identities are valid, but me identifying as a lesbian? not valid. i’ve finally started to accept it and embrace it because i AM a lesbian, but there’s still that small part of my brain that’s like “you can’t be a lesbian”

this post is not just me seeking validation (although it would be nice because of how much my brain tries to convince me i’m not valid). i’m just kinda rambling/venting/ranting, whatever you wanna call it.

anyway, tldr; gender and sexuality are fucky. i’m kinda a girl, not in a cis way even though i’m afab. i’m just reclaiming my femininity, and if anyone is even reading this, i just want you to know that you’re valid

[trans-wojak]

Saw a Reddit post and was curious too see what your take is on it,

you aren’t gay if you’re not attracted to the same sex. And there are far too many self identifying men reclaiming what being gay actually is.

If you’re on the receiving end of a relationship with a cisgender man, and have vaginal sex, you’re literally just a woman in a straight relationship.

Calling yourself gay and having straight sex is a conundrum.

You can wear a binder, cut your hair short go by he/him pronouns but if your getting fucked like a women what is the point. To feel edgy? Or let’s say you chop your tits off, your just a women with no breasts.

Rapid onset gender dysphoria is very common especially with women who just want to be gay men. There’s far more gay transmen then there are straight transmen, it’s not just a coincidence it’s typicallly coupled together.

The pipeline goes from “I like guys but I don’t want to be straight :(“ So you identify as a man just so you can reclaim what being gay actually is. You’re just a woman cosplaying a dude.

There is no difference between tcutes and bottom gay transmen because they have same idea. They don’t wanna be labeled straight

And this goes for “bisexual” transmen too, typically says they’re bi but have a preference for men. It’s because you aren’t actually gay. Your a women appropriating gay men. Sexualizing us because you’re too uncomfortable being recognized as you are. A straight woman.

This was posted on a transmed page.

I’m a straight trans man so I was a little thrown off as if we don’t exist, Like there are straight trans men who don’t wanna be fucked, it’s not uncommon at all.

I feel like gay trans men and straight trans men aren’t that different other than their preference in relationships which isn’t really anyone’s business, I don’t know why this person is so pressed.

Sounds like it was written by a cis woman pretending to be a gay cis man to be honest. Or maybe a straight self hating trans man who wants to pretend he’s better than everyone else but still identifies as a lesbian lmao. Straight trans men are way more common, they just count tucutes in with gay trans men. “Rapid onset gender dysphoria” is pseudo science, too. It’s literally not real and no actual psychiatric research shows it is. Straight trans men tend to just stop attending LGBT spaces due to wanting to leave that all behind + often there is strong hatred for men, especially straight men in general in lgbt spaces.

I like that they never mentioned the fact that trans men go on hormone therapy and develop male sexual characteristics which makes them actually pass as male.

The way trans people have sex is personal. And this bullshit is just repackaging gender roles “you’re not a man if you’re a bottom” is something that has always existed in society. Sexist gender roles don’t magically go away when it’s a trans person and it’s redundant to apply the same notions of a non dysphoric woman who fetishises gay men onto actual gay trans men. This is why projecting the weird coomer “Transbian” stereotypes onto every trans woman who is lesbian.

The fact of the matter is, gay cis men don’t actually care about this stuff outside a few permanently online ones. The vast majority do not give a fuck that a trans man exists and if he uses his pussy for sex or not. And yes, many aren’t into that or even remotely interested but they misjudge just how much men don’t really.. bother caring so much they need to write full on reddit rant posts. And they misjudge just how much sexuality is fluid for men, too. Everyone goes on about how it is fluid for women but for men it is too. How many blokes are literally bisexual but claim it’s still straight because the guy wore a dress? Women will claim bisexuality purely cause they fantasise but have no desire to act on it. Men will deny bisexuality even tho they literally fuck other men.

Trans people are the exception, not the rule to sexuality.

I struggled with coming to terms with my sexual orientation because I’m older, I came out when trans wasn’t a fad or cool - neither was being gay/bi. Being gay and trans was almost unheard of, it made you questionable because they saw gay man = acting like a woman. It’s really weird. I am a gay man, how I have sex is no one else’s business to choose how to “validate” me. Like, are the only valid trans men who are stone and literally never get any pleasure physically, only from psychologically through using a strap? It’s silly.

The diff between me and tucutes is I actually have gender dysphoria, I have made actual medical interventions to change my sex. I don’t obsess over yaoi, fandom gay ships etc, I don’t act like gay male relationships reflect heterosexual dynamics, I don’t pretend there’s always the “girl” and the “guy” in a homosexual relationship. And gay men actually are attracted to me, aswell lmao.

[brandstifter-sys]

Visexual

Word Count: 1022                 (Ao3)

Pairing: Dukexiety

Rating: T

Warnings: pre and post gender reveal names and pronouns, mtf!virgil, mild gore mention, sex mention

Remus’ is scared that his partner doesn’t want him anymore, and he wants to make up for whatever he did. His Scare Bear clears the air and comes out.

Remus was scared. It took a lot to scare the wily tattoo artist, and this was making his heart race. He was afraid that his long-term boyfriend wanted to break up. 

He drummed his fingers on his leg and knocked on Virgil's door, holding a shopping bag with a tub of ice cream and mini brownies. He needed a peace offering before groveling, even if he didn't do anything wrong he would beg for forgiveness. 

"Remus?" Virgil asked when he opened the door. He was shaking and biting his lip. Did Virgil forget about movie night? Did he want to?

"Hey Scare Bear, it's Friday, I thought we were going to watch the Conjuring tonight. Did I come at a bad time?" 

"It's Friday already?" V mumbled, "I kinda forgot. Uh, you can come in. I'll get everything set up." 

"If you don't want to, we can do something else or I can go. I know I'm a lot to deal with and if you're tired—" 

Virgil grabbed his shirt and dragged him into the apartment. Remus let his taller partner drag him to the couch and sat down. 

"I'll put the ice cream in the freezer. And uh there's something we need to talk about—" Virgil said and took the bag. 

"Please don't leave me! I can do better! Whatever it is I did, I know we can work through it! You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I want to try!" Remus cut him off and fell to his knees. Virgil stared at him and tilted his head, as if the thought never crossed his mind. 

"I'll be right back, I promise. Just get off the floor," Virgil said softly and helped him off the floor. Remus was still terrified when he left. 

He couldn't lose Virgil, they weren't a perfect pair but goddamn did they build each other up and keep each other in line. But three months of Virgil being distant and disinterested in cuddles, much less sex, was worrying. Did he do something wrong? 

"Alright," Virgil said and sat down next to him without looking at him, "I don't know how to ask this without being weird, but you're into men, right?" 

"Yeah? It's not like you watched me argue with Roman over who the gay twin is for like six years or something," Remus pouted. 

"Then maybe you should go find one to be your boyfriend," Virgil sighed and curled into a ball. 

"I don't want anyone else, Scare Bear. Do I have to beg on my knees again? I will. I will grovel. I will beg and plead and rip out my tongue and eyeballs." 

"Remus, I'm—I'm not a man. I don't want to lose you but I can't keep hiding." 

"You mean, you're trans. What flavor?" 

"Woman. She/her. I've been on E for—" 

"—at least three months. That explains so much!" Remus gasped and pulled her into his chest, "Do you have a new name to go with the pronouns?"

"Violetta. Um—Vi for short." 

"That's such a good name for you!" Remus gushed and hugged her waist, "It's so pretty and mysterious! And I don't mind screaming it in the bedroom! Why did it take you so long to say something?" 

"I thought you might not want to be with me if I wasn't a man. You brag about being gay all the time and this—" 

"I like men of all shapes and junk, but you had better believe that I am so incredibly Vi-sexual it's maddening!" 

"'Vi-sexual?' Really?" Vi snicked and got comfortable in his lap. She leaned against him and closed her eyes, letting him rub her arm.

"Yup! No matter what gender, you're you and you make my heart orgasm—ooh!" Remus said before accidentally brushing over her chest, "Your boobies are growing in!"

"Yeah, they started growing fast. They might be as big as yours soon," Vi jeered. Remus glanced down at his own chest and giggled. He had some nice muscle boobs and he loved to flaunt them!

"If that happens you're gonna have a problem. Namely me. Boobs are for squish and I like to squish!" 

Vi laughed and pulled him to her chest, squishing him against her humble squish. Remus giggled and nuzzled into her chest. 

"That's not a problem, you dork!" 

"Good! Because you're soft and I'm so in love with you it hurts!" Remus giggled and tilted his head up, "I want to kiss you." 

Vi cupped his cheek and leaned down. She pressed her lips to his, for just a moment. 

"God damn, I missed that," she mumbled against his mouth, tickling her lip with his mustache, "I missed this." 

"I missed you too, Violetta. I missed your warmth and your lips and your radiant decay," Remus said and kissed her cheek, "And I'm ready to go with you on this adventure." He slowly kissed down her neck, enjoying the soft moan that escaped her lips. 

"Mmm, Remus," she sighed and guided him away from her neck, "I'm still figuring out where I'm sensitive." 

"Did you want to find out more tonight or should we cuddle up, watch a movie, and eat ice cream?" 

"Cuddles, but maybe we can kiss too?" 

"If you want to!" Remus giggled and wiggled his eyebrows, "I am taking every chance I get to kiss my girlfriend!" 

Vi flushed and hid her face in her hands. Remus giggled and held her closer by the waist. He knew he did something right if it got her flustered.

"I really like hearing you say that," she grumbled. 

"I really like saying that," Remus hummed, "Almost as much as I like seeing my girlfriend's flustered smile." 

"Thanks," she said and lowered her hands, "Thank you for being so chill about this." 

"You're learning stuff about you, you're still gorgeous, and you still love me—I am anything but chill, Vi! I'm excited and ecstatic!" Remus jeered and kissed her cheek. 

"You really are the best, Cuddlefish," she said and melted into his embrace. She was happy that this confrontation went better than she hoped. Remus could say the same thing.

[schizosupport]

Hi there! I saw you answered an ask about dating, and I wanted to ask something related to it!

I’m a transmasc paranoid person, and I have a crush, on a cis het friend (woman).

She knows I’m trans and has known me since before I came out. She also knows I’m paranoid and helps me deal with it. We help each other with a lot of stuff.

I wanted to ask… how do I deal with this crush?

She sees me as a close friend, but I think I’m not her “type”…

I’d hate to “betray” her by confessing my crush to her, but I feel like… I hate these feelings too? They make me jealous and possessive.

I’d love to not feel these intense emotions. I’d love to not feel insecure around her, or when thinking about her. Although I love feeling in love, I would rather see her as only a close friend too. It would be less complicated.

Although I don’t tell her these things, I feel like I’m “betraying” her either way, by feeling them and not telling, or telling her.

Do I tell her? Or should I not?

Any advice is appreciated.

Hi there!

So I'm kind of a weird combo of arospec and polyamorous in the way where I wasn't sure how to respond, so I went ahead and talked to one of my partners.

He's a trans dude, but he came out late in life, and I know he had experiences in the past where he fell for close cis het female friends. So I'm passing his advice on to you, because I trust lived experience over my own speculating.

The recommendation is definitely to tell your friend - based on your ask it sounds like the two of you are genuinely close and care about each other. And this is a big deal that is affecting you emotionally, and having an impact on your relationship. So it's something that is better out in the open between you. Don't confess to her as in you ask her out. Just tell her that while you are aware you are not her type and it's unlikely she feels the same, lately you've been recognizing that you have romantic feelings for her. Frame it as a natural extension of your shared platonic love combined with the fact that you are into her 'type' (as she likely knows). Tell her you're telling her this because you're concerned that these emotions will come between you and ruin what you have, and because you want to give her a framework to understand why you might sometimes emotionally struggle to be supportive and happy when she is talking of other love interests or stuff like that.

This is your good friend! If she is invested in the friendship and supportive of your gender/sexuality etc in general, then this shouldn't come as such a shock, and it should be something the two of you can work through together.

At the end of the day romantic crushes are temporary and intense things, but love -including platonic- can last the ages. But the crush is intense and it's hard to deal with on your own, and it can create tension, misunderstanding and resentment.

So he says to get that stuff out in the open and recommends open honest communication, while making it clear that this is not you 'making a play' at her, but you taking steps to protect your friendship.

He also says that of course in an ideal scenario this just plays out very smoothly, but there are also some cases where either of you will need a bit of distance for a while to settle this emotionally, before you can return to the relationship. He says that ofc he hopes she will react perfectly in the moment, but sometimes people do panic and react poorly in the very situation when told something like this. But most often, if a friendship is based in mutual love and respect, they will come back around. And you yourself should also have a bit of patience with your friend who may at this moment be exposed to a number of internal biases etc she didn't even know she was carrying.

I personally think this sounds like sound advice. As a general rule I advocate for open communication. People in general, and certainly those of us who struggle with paranoia and who may have trust issues etc., can have a tendency to try to carry the weight of unspoken words on our shoulders to protect loved ones, and to protect ourselves from the imagined reaction of loved ones.

But it's no way to live life. Relationships include an option to share our burdens and our delights. And we need to trust our loved ones to be able to hand it. We need to trust that they are willing to be 'us against the problem', not them vs. you.

A strong relationship can carry a lot of adversity when the burden is shared. But too many unspoken words on either side fucks with the balance of the load and the likelihood of stumbling increases.

So anon... I think you are right to respect that your friend may not be into you 'like that' (though occasionally I've been surprised), but I also think you should respect her platonic love/care/respect for you to share the development with her, and figure out a way forward, together.

Best of luck!

[janersm]

Hopefully this will be the last time I address comments that TERFs have made about me, but I sincerely doubt it because holy shit y’all.

[alt text for above screenshot: she's so pathetic omg. i think she gets extra pissy when bisexuals disagree with her. what do you mean there's bisexuals who date in conservative states? IMPOSSIBLE! LIES! 😱 #but also according to her #heterosexual relationships are gay #braindead comment #i face the most homophobia be i have a bf it's true #sorry gayz #???? #liberal brainrot #just switch words around and call it oppression]

[alt text of above screenshot: I can't follow the argument l'm seeing, but why is the bisexual woman gonna say "I would date a woman if I could. But look in bio and see where I'm from" and it's literally just Alabama.

Also it's like straight up admitting you have the choice to just live a het life when it will benefit you because I kinda have to be a southern lesbian

piqued-curiosity: That's a hilarious argument tbh. Homosexuals have been loving each other for ages, no matter how unsafe it may be, and continue to do so. It's not that this woman can't do the same, it's that she can make the choice not to and have an easy fulfilling life because of it. And clearly she's made that choice.]

So, uh, no. I get annoyed when people obsessively post about me for weeks and make up all these weird narratives about me, but I don’t get extra pissy when bisexuals disagree with me. I never denied that bisexuals and other LGBTQ folks date people of the same gender in conservative states. I said that I feel unsafe to do so. This is based in part because most of my family is from more rural areas. Those areas have informed their beliefs. I also feel unsafe in less rural areas due to reactions to LGBTQ groups and individuals, including a person threatened to come into a dog shelter that promotes inclusiveness and kill everyone. The shelter is downstairs from the organization for which I’m an exhibiting artist, teacher, and president. I’m fact, some of the vague posts some of y’all (not you specifically) accused me of making about you were about those threats. I also would lose access to assistance to caring for my mom and dad from the extremely homophobic church I grew up in if I was out. I have seen an openly bisexual woman who couldn’t get church members to help with baby food or watching her kids so she could work. It kills me to watch how they treat her, and it scares me to think they would leave me all alone if I even mentioned I am bi. That’s why exactly 4 people I know offline know my sexuality.

I didn’t call my relationship gay. I called it queer. I specifically said, “The relationships are always queer because LGBTQ people are always queer.” I also agreed in a later post that aromantic person or a trans person could identify as heterosexual and have het relationships.

[alt text for another screenshot from another person: #like the issue isnt even that you dont date women #the issue is that youre pretending being with a man is the same as being with a woman #and then crying about how its dangerous to be with a woman while never realizing how hypocritical that is]

Except some folks have repeatedly made my not dating women the problem, as piqued-curiosity did. I never said being with a man is the same as being with a woman. I didn’t cry about it either. I just said matter-of-factly that it’s especially unsafe to be with a woman for me and in my area. You have projected arguments onto me that I didn’t even make.

[Alt text for screenshots above of comments about me: rampantlychees: was that the alabama bisexual everyone was vagueposting about a while back??

philipkindreddickhead @rampantlychees i didnt see a bunch of people vaguepost personally but it might could be.

rampantlychees: not like loads of people, I am exaggerating, but I remember thinking something must have happened / discourse must have occurred a while back bc of repeated mentions of bisexuals who acted oppressed bc they lived in alabama. So l'm assuming it is

desisapphic: @rampantlychees yes it's her, it started because she made a stupid post going on about how heterosexual relationships are gay if the woman is bi and how bis have no privilege being with men or into men and other stupid shit

rampantlychees: @desisapphic ty! that makes sense]

The fact that y’all vague posted about me when I wasn’t even posting about y’all is a bit weird. Weird how I apparently said “stupid shit” that I never actually said. I said my relationship is queer because I’m bi, which is true. My sexuality informs my relationships. Bisexuals may pass as straight to people stuck in heteronormative thinking, which is what you are engaging in when you make biphobic comments. Y’all ever gonna stop carrying the water for the patriarchy?

[alt text from a screenshot of tra-receipt-blog’s post about me which includes a screenshot of my blog about bi/ace solidarity: she isn't going to listen to you, she just posted this self drag: bi ace solidarity, the gays never take our oppression seriously

[screenshot: janersm ~ morallygay: Because I love bi / ace solidarity here is a list of some things we have in common :)

- being treated as LGBT Lite

- not considered queer enough for the queer community, considered too queer for the allocishets

- being invalidated

- "it's not real"

- "it's just a phase"

- "you're not oppressed"

- people arguing we have some sort of "straight passing privilege"

- biphobia/aphobia being considered less important than homophobia/transphobia,.. and easily brushed aside and excused, while the former two are (rightfully) seen as dealbreakers

#asexuality #bisexuality #aphobia #biphobia #|gbtq #bisexual #bi erasure]

she also reblogs from and is mutals with tygress of all people. they will ok racism and homophobia if that person says they hate "terfs" she went on about how she's anti racism and white supremacy but guess not (9

#and she was the one reporting people for calling her out #it's hopeless #she won't ever engage in a debate #just typical tra you're a terf shut up and block]

How is a post about solidarity between bisexuals and aces/aros a self-drag? The post points out what bisexuals, asexuals, and aromantics face.

I still have no idea who tygress is, and I definitely don’t know why you think we’re mutuals. The only person who can see who I follow is me, unless you hacked my account. Is that how you are viewing my posts—since that you are one of the people I blocked weeks ago?

I reported people telling me I deserved to die or who made bigoted comments. I don’t debate with bigots anymore. I spent twenty years doing it and learned there is no point to doing so. All bigots do is sic their followers on people who disagree with them while promoting their hateful views. I don’t have to interact with them or platform their views.

[alt text for above screenshots from tra-receipt-blog where she reblogged a 4chan user who agreed with her about me: she literally reblogs and it mutals with tygress who is a racist/white supremacist let her know that since she blogged me. she's an immature narc pos. she's almost 40 and harassed op like a manipulative little loser

also funny she had no response to @piqued-curiosity who tried to respectfully engage with her denying osa privilege but she's quick to attack brown women and shut them down with terf. she reblogs from racists and acts like an entitled white clown who needs to be a victim all the time so it checks out.]

You literally reblogged a 4chan shitlord twice, and you’re making up shit about me. I have never harassed the OP of that post. That individual has harassed me, as have you. You both have been blocked for weeks and you’re still taking screenshots & posting about me. You need to stop. I don’t engage with every TERF that tries to start shit, and this is the last time I ever want to engage with you. Bigots who interact with this post will be blocked.

Leave me alone. Leave queer people alone. Leave sex workers alone. Leave kinksters alone. Find a hobby. Do something decent with your life.

[hismercytomyjustice]

I am exactly two days away from deciding whether or not to cut off all of my hair again.

Right now it’s maybe 1-2” past my shoulders and has been hovering there for several years now. This is pretty much the longest my hair has ever been.

I only managed to grow it out this far in the first place after making my stylist at the time promise to refuse to let me cut it all off again before my wedding back in 2019 lol. She took that vow very seriously to the point of swearing other stylists into our pact when she became unavailable.

I’ve been toying with the idea of going back to a pixie cut for a while. I’ve had an undercut for a few years now (thank god because I would’ve cut it all off my damn self otherwise).

I got out of the shower the other day and my hair was brushing across my shoulders and the sheer feeling of “abso-fucking-lutely not” hit me like a ton of bricks.

I also live in the south and it is gonna be hot and humid and miserable until at least October/November and I am feeling weak.

I have a love hate relationship with my hair. It took me pretty much my entire lifetime to find products that didn’t leave me looking like I stuck my finger in an outlet. I have 3a curly hair that is extremely prone to frizz, especially in this ever-present humidity. I’ve always been self-conscious about my hair because of negative comments other people have made. Probably can throw a dash of gender dysphoria in there too! Yay!

Tho my hair is probably also the reason I got mistaken for a guy a lot back as a teenager/young adult. Which always confused me but not in a terrible way. Most girls my age straightened their hair while guys had their hair on the longer side and not straightened.

I didn’t realize all the super uncomfortable and awkward feelings I was having about stuff like my hair and womanhood were gender dysphoria until I was much older. I struggled so much with femininity because I always felt like I was badly faking it and surely everyone knew I was faking it. Everyone had to know something was not right, didn’t they?

I didn’t even know there was a word for “not a boy but also not a girl” until maybe 2017/2018ish? I’m glad I found out then because getting married as a female presenting southerner was wildly fraught with gender panic.

I was became jealous of Haruhi from Ouran High School Host Club in my late teens/early twenties because she didn’t give two shits if someone thought she was a boy or a girl and also unapologetically gravitated toward more masculine presentation. I was very much of the “must be nice” mindset without understanding why until embarrassingly later.

That’s actually why I gravitate toward her when selecting profile icons, even if I run the risk of coming across as an “anime profile picture” deviant. Tho idk if that’s as much of a thing on tumblr? I am old and out of touch after migrating to Twitter for almost a decade and back again. I don’t even remember what my original tumblr handle was. I’m pretty sure the one I have listed on my older works on ao3 wasn’t my first. But I digress.

I realized there was something “wrong” with my sexuality around the same time as I realized it with my gender. I was comfortable enough with the label bi/pan (didn’t realize this until college) but I also couldn’t figure out if I was ace. Turns out there was a word to describe that too! Demisexual! So gray ace, heavy on the ace!

I’m incredibly grateful to all the folks out there who have shared their own experiences with gender and sexuality and have broadened my vocabulary and understanding in that regard. It’s such an utter relief to know you’re not “wrong” or “weird” and that there are other people out there like you who feel the same way. The trans community in particular has been a godsend on this fronts.

I waffle back and forth over whether or not I fit under the trans umbrella. I know a lot of nonbinary folks do and I don’t mind stepping under it if someone offers it to me, but I also don’t know if I feel confident enough to use the label for myself. Confident as in “am I nonbinary enough to be considered trans,” which is definitely a personal thing on my part and also an OCD spiral slide that’s trying to trick me into jumping on.

Who knows!

Plus all the super fun “now I know I’m neurodivergent but am I autistic” stuff I’ve been going through the past year or two. I got a *big shrug* on that front when I was formally tested a few months ago. My therapist (who specializes in OCD and not in autism) says she’s pretty confident I am. So did the woman who gave me the adhd/autism assessment, tho she didn’t get the final say in my actual diagnosis. I’m pretty confident I would’ve gotten it if she had.

The issue is that, while autistic traits seem to be hardcore showing up in my work life, they aren’t as obvious elsewhere. This may very well be because my current job is the only fully virtual job I’ve ever had and wow it’s hard to interpret social cues and whatnot when everyone is virtual!

I’ve been at my current job just shy of 2 years now and I’ve met my coworkers in person exactly one time at a big org wide event in New Orleans last year. We’re actually scheduled to all meet in person again in June, this time just the 17 of us that roll up to our director (instead of the ~1k or so people in our greater org). We’re gonna be in NYC too.

I’m wildly exhausted just thinking about it! 💀

This post also got super out of hand, but it is what it is. Yay, feelings!