#gd I'm so fucking angry

[gods-no-longer-tread-here]

things not to say in front of me, a physically disabled autistic/ADHD person:

“No one wants to work anymore.”

I would fucking kill to be able to work. I would sell my soul to have a body that doesn’t hurt, a brain that understands social cues, an ability to not fixate and wind myself up into a meltdown or panic attack. I want to work. I can’t, because I am literally unable to. You have a strong body and a calm mind. You are free in ways that I can never be. Why do you think I am a threat to you?

“People are lazy. Without the motivation of money (and dying without it), no one would even try to keep the world functioning.”

All human beings want to be busy. We want to play and create and enjoy and help. When you strip away the joy of Doing, when you expect money to replace emotional fulfillment, you kill the human spirit. I have attempted to monetize every hobby I have ever enjoyed for the sake of doing it, because I have no recourse, and it has destroyed all of the motivation in my soul. You are mistaking exhaustion for laziness. Stop it.

“But everyone hates work, so obviously if no one had to work 40 hours every week just to afford food--not even factoring in rent, transport, bills, consumable products, etc--no one would work at all.”

Do you know what boredom is? Do you know about stimulation? Do you have any idea how torturous it is, how literally maddening, to be without responsibilities or tasks? Have you ever been ill and ordered to stay home for even one day? I spent years housebound. There are people in this world who literally cannot leave their beds, and have been there since birth. There are people who have developed depression or anxiety or schizophrenia and had to quit work because their minds are too busy dealing with the illnesses affecting them. We are clawing at the walls, desperate to Do Things, and you are spitting on us and calling us “cripples”, “stupid”, “crazy”, “lazy”.

My body is a prison. My brain is an enemy. And you, in your privilege, are telling me that the reason I am not a good little robot is because I am lacking motivation.

Do you have any idea how many people your flawed logic has murdered? People who could’ve changed the world? Not just the disabled. Your views have killed single mothers, children, people of color, the formerly incarcerated... you are assisting in the extermination of everyone not like you.

I want to work so I can Do Things. I cannot work because my body won’t allow it. I will not work if my humanity is denied to me.

[canidbutch]

it happened so early in the morning and i am STILL frothing with rage over this text my boss sent me

[non-un-topo]

Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol

[supercantaloupe]

graduate admissions apparently thinks i'm an international student now also and is bugging me to submit my passport and financial records to them for some fucking reason too even though i'm literally not international and i've been an accepted and enrolled student for months now

[kipo-lacks-thoughts]

[soysaucevictim]

NNNng. Why tf is Google Maps not working for me rn?? ?

I kinda need it for writing research purposes.

Which of my add-ons are fucking this up?? ?

/Irritated, mostly rhetorical.

[milkywaydrabbles]

Can I request a sencario with #37 (overetimulation) with souya for kinktober?❤️ nothing better than a super sensitive or needy souya.

Can't wait to see how you write him🥹

-🐇

A/N: I took my night night meds so I am falling ASLEEP as I write this omg but I think this turned out okay! This was the first time writing for him so I'm not sure if I captured him correctly or if it's wildly OOC. Please let me know how you feel about it! MWUAH (PS I had to go back and read the last chp. because TR wiki wouldn't just tell me what the gd twins did when they were older god)

Overstimulation x Kawata Souya

The twins had hired you months ago, when their ramen shop picked up in popularity and they found themselves needing extra hands around the restaurant to assist with front of house duties. They went through interview after interview, candidates either not fit for the job or those who were too scared of Angry to stay longer than a week. It was frustrating, he was trying--it wasn’t his fault he had a natural scowl. Angry would only try to help the newcomers, giving them helpful tips and tricks on how to do something easier, or learn all the soup bases. Everyone took it as scolding, not willing to look past his demeanor and listen. And then you came along. A bit quiet, but level headed and kind. You’d worked in an izakaya before this, needing something not as aggressive--your temperament couldn’t handle the drunks for long periods of time.

Nahoya liked you immediately, glancing over to his twin who said nothing a majority of the interview and just stared. He couldn’t help but snicker once you left, rustling his hair while he earned a glare from the younger twin. You were eager, starting off strong but noticing you needed some help with memorizing all the bases. Souya had hoped his brother would take over and just help you instead, he wasn’t ready for another runner. Instead, you had personally asked him for his help, wringing your hands together as you nervously waited for his response. He helped as normal, though his angry demeanor was still present it never scared you off. You listened diligently, smiling at him with each trick he had up his sleeve. After you learned your way around the shop easier, the conversations flowed easily between the two. Sure, Nahoya would give his input here and there--but he saw the way his brother would look at you. Really look at you. He’d tease him whenever he knew you weren’t listening and kept on his way. The twins would try to send you home early here and there, give you a break from the long hours of the restaurant, but you’d simply smile and shake your head. “I like it here.” You’d reply, turning over to Souya, eyes softening. “I’d rather be here.” 

He confessed to you a few weeks later, and the rest was history.

Now he had you under him, writhing in pleasure and whimpering his name. The room was filled with pants and the squeaking of the bed underneath you, air heavy with the smell of sex. Souya had filled you up with his cum earlier in the night, but he couldn’t help himself and keep fucking into you. “So-oouya, s’go-ood” You whimpered against the pillows, clawing at the headboard with each hump against you. Angry couldn’t help himself, not when you were working so hard at the shop today. You looked so good, diligent in your work, making sure everything was running so smooth with him today. Nahoya had to take the day off, feeling a bit under the weather. But you made sure everything was kept under control, dealing with all the customers and making sure Souya had help when he needed it. He was practically on you the second you both crossed his door. “A-ah, fuck, you feel so good, angel--fuckfuckfuck, pussy’s so good.” His arms were on either side of you, fucking into you harder, his cum squishing around him oozing on the sides. “Can’t--aah, can’t hold on-fuck” Souya clenched his jaw holding in a whine while he came inside of you again, stilling while he filled up your creamy pussy. He panted, catching his breath before pulling out and fucking into you again. You whined underneath him, already feeling so full of him. 

“Sososo good, honey, pussy so good” He was slurring his words together, fucked out and losing control. Souya was drunk off the feeling of your cunt, whimpering when you clenched around him with the praise. He knew he should stop, he’d already came twice and his cock was becoming sensitive. But he was still rock hard, and the way your ass rippled each time he pummeled into you looked too good for him to stop. The younger twin became noisy when he got like this--nothing else on his mind except his beautiful darling girl underneath him crying and full of his cum. “Feel so good, nngh, such a good baby” He whined, face relaxing enough for his nose to scrunch up and tears prickle at the corners of his eyes--his cock was aching, the feeling of your gooey walls overstimulating him in the best way possible. But he wasn’t done yet. Souya had pressed his chest onto your back, turning you so he could fuck you on his side. A hand snaked in front to rub your clit, fucking you from the back with vigor. You couldn’t help the sob that escaped your lips, tightening your core around his dick when he rubbed you like that. “S-Souya, g’na cum again, m’g’na cum.” You repeated, whining when you felt your orgasm come crashing over you. Your legs trembled, but his pace kept up just a brutal. You closed your legs, trying to retreat but Angry just kept fucking into you. “S’too muuuch” You whined, but he never let up. “Ca-haa-can’t stop, honey, feels good.” You knew he was just as overstimulated, you could hear it in his shaky voice, thick with tears and the sniffling behind you. His cum was sticky on your ass and the fronts of his thighs, webbing and sticking on your skin with each pull. It kept you connected to him, pulling apart each time his hips weren’t on yours. “Gonna cum again, oh fuck, gonna cum again.” Thick sob bubbled in his throat as his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you down, grinding himself deeper into your cunt--you felt his tip kissing at your cervix, and it felt like he was in your throat. 

The two of you stayed connected, and sticky, nothing put panting messes until he swallowed and rubbing circles into your stomach. “Are you..okay?” He murmured, embarrassed. Souya really could never believe you were with someone like him, so it took a lot for him to acknowledge that you were still around after sex. He felt you nod against him, legs still quaking from the strength of your orgasm. “Mhm” you turned in his arms, feeling him slip out with more of his gooey cum oozing out. You hitched your leg onto his hip, uncaring of the mess below you. “Are you?” 

Bashful, his face turned a pretty shade of pink as he nodded in return, scowl slowly returning to his features. “I’ll clean you up, just stay here okay? Have to make sure you’re okay.”

Kawata Souya was a lot of things. But ‘angry’ was never one of them. Not with you.

[mysterycitrus]

i know you've been talking about jason lately so i'll ask about smth different... robin jason (sorry)

idk idk lately i've been wanting to take a peek at his robin comics for the sake of writing fic (ofc...) but i'd like to hear what u think before that, a summary of sorts if u may (i also wanna contrast what u say with what i get out of it so yeah)

i feel like his robin days are so muddled by his identity as red hood later on, and even before that it was his death. u had people constantly blaming jason for dying in text (or else they'd have to admit bruce can make mistakes and everyone in dc is allergic to doing that) and painting him like someone reckless and violent (classist editorial u need to DIE), and then people in fanon painting him like a sweet fella who would do nothing wrong and as well as being bruce's Only Actual Son etc etc for the sake of making the situation around him all the more sadder (yeah yeah pathetic meow meow we've all seen it)

and i'm just curious bc i rlly wonder what the actual comics say about him, most likely something in the middle of this? exams are killing me but my god i'll come back to life after im done just to read jason robin's days... have a good day !!!

the difficulty with reading about jason as robin is that there are three primary periods that all differ fairly dramatically from each other — pre-crisis jason todd is a strawberry blond acrobat who’s almost adopted by dick grayson before becoming robin; post-crisis jason todd is a kid from crime alley who steals the wheels off the batmobile before becoming robin; and post-crisis, post-utrh jason todd is a very angry, very violent kid who becomes a cautionary tale after he gets himself killed (something he is often blamed for).

we can walk the line here. pre-crisis jason isn’t particularly relevant because so much of robin!jason’s stories depend on his reinvention after the reboot. all the crucial factors leading up to death in the family — growing up in the alley, both his mothers, his relationship with the robin mantle, his developing relationship with dick grayson, his slow schism from bruce, his relative isolation from other superheroes — are all crucial to who he is, especially after his death.

fanon about jason is annoying because there are valid criticisms that can be made about how he’s written with regressive, classist stereotypes, but as always it pivots way too far in one direction. jason wasn’t the “happy” or “angry” robin in the same way that dick wasn’t the happy or angry robin — they’re both characters that possess more than a single emotion. it’s true that jason was later written to be more explicitly violent (to contrast him with dick) but also like… they’re both pretty similar characters that differ in interesting ways. dick created robin to be a symbol of hope and joy. jason carried that on when he took up the mantle. they can both be angry at stuff without the world falling apart. it’s not that serious.

the dialogue about dick being a child soldier but jason being the true son makes me want to tear my hair out. jason became robin because bruce missed dick and was afraid of being alone. they’re both his gd kids. acting as though bruce wayne doesn’t love dick grayson so much that extra-dimensional beings can clock it is so fucking stupid. it once again ties into fanon’s obsession with each character only getting to be “one” thing. tim is smart, which means he’s the smartest. jason said robin made him magic, which means he’s happy all the time. dick chased after zucco in a grief spiral, which means he’s the violently angry one, with no other character traits. dick can’t have been nice to jason because he’s nice to tim, etc. seems a little silly, no?

i think i’ve only read jason’s brief run as robin once, though ive gone through a death in the family + a lonely place of dying a bunch of times, so ig my advice for reading him is to keep in mind the context in which he was created. dc comics was reeling from losing dick grayson as robin, and were really throwing anything at the wall to get something to stick. many, many negative tropes are baked into his introduction, and thanks to writers like jeph loeb and scott lobdell they have compounded over time. jason’s updated backstory is, with actual critical intent by the writer, a really good examination of how poverty and class will affect how someone views the world. his death was not his fault — and removing sheila haywood from that warehouse purposely makes his story less tragic. he was a good kid! and he was angry for a good reason. if jason had lived, i believe he would’ve carried on the robin tradition and left bruce behind once their differences became insurmountable.

[suzukiblu]

I was reading some of your old young justice fics on AO3 (all amazing as always omggg I want to eat your writing) and was wondering if you still ship Kon with Kaldur?

Yes, and I will NEVER get over the fact that a) the fandom was not even an IOTA as interested in Kaldur/Conner as it would've been if Kaldur had been Garth or Roy or literally any gd white dude, and b) that the SHOW did not commit to making Kaldur and Conner codependent ride-or-die besties unto the fucking apocalypse, given how their relationship first started. Kaldur should ABSOLUTELY have been more important to Conner than he was treated as being and vice fucking versa, as far as I'm concerned. Of course Conner would imprint on his first-met independent person! Of course Kaldur would feel responsible for his newborn new friend!! Of course they'd both get weird about each other!!!! OF COURSE THEY'D BOTH HAVE DADDY ISSUES!!!!!!!!

The het ships that no one even cared about were more popular in fandom than Kaldur/Conner ever was from what I saw, despite the fact that Kaldur is the first person Conner both actually sees AND physically touches--via being mind-controlled into PUNCHING HIM ACROSS A CREEPY BASEMENT LAB, and isn't that fucked UP?!--and also the one who specifically got through to him of the initial trio who met him in Cadmus, AND is a very chill and patient and serious-minded, calming presence who will actually fucking meet you where you're at, and also DESERVES someone who is a real ride-or-die full-loyalty-nonstop type to get angry on his behalf. Those two's personalities would be SO much more interesting together than "teehee bubbly alien LARPs being human to avoid her problems and drags Conner along for the ride even when he fucking SAYS he hates it!!", ffs.

( like, I like M'gann, but LORD did they handle her and Conner's . . . EVERYTHING so, so poorly, and it only ever got WORSE, from what I've heard. )

And really Kaldur just deserved so much more screentime and emotional development and like, ANY attention from fandom, imho. I wanted to write way more for them than I did, but the total lack of other fans of the ship around just sucked out all the fun and inspo.

[chengfagshi]

so I’ve read the post about the person who is a baby fur. Look I’m firmly on the proship side, but I think people should know that this individual makes people uncomfortable, and would make me uncomfortable too if I was in the same nsfw while acting like a child

then again I think this could have been worded a lot better too and without making a public post like that. I can see how that would be perceived as harassment

The person who made the post thankfully didn’t seem to call them a freak. But that anti who went with the harkness test? That one’s an idiot to be fair

Also adding this: "actually I take it back, the call out OP said “cub is okay if it’s not fetishized” and brought black butler into it, that’s an instant block

furries throwing stones at glass houses" OMFG, I have a lot to say about furry antis. They are so, SO hypocritical. This rant is gonna be all over the place and very angry so apologies lol. First of all, the fucking harkness test. Omfg, I hate the fucking harkness test. The person that brought it up mentioned "furries pass the harkness test but lolis don't because lolis are children" so I mentioned, no fuckinjg character passes the gd harkness test because they're all fictional and therefore NONE OF THEM can consent. But if they could, this loli (Sigewinne from Genshin) could pass the test. They just responded with "XD HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" and then blocked me. Like bitch, are you afraid of facts??? (ofc they are, they're an anti) And also, I don't think furries have a moral ground to stand on (and I'm not trying to be like furries bad, because I actually have some fursonas myself). Like, they like animals. Fictional animals, sure. But still animals. "Uhh, well acktually, furries are different than feral because they stand on two legs and can talk". They're still a fucking animal. Like if loli are children, then furries are fucking animals. "Rules for thee, not for me" bitch ass.

[vimesbootstheory]

Books of 2024

I've got a couple of days left in '24 but neither of the books I'm set to finish by the end of Tuesday are going to be either top 10 or bottom 10 material so I'm going to make this post now.

I read 185 books this year (maybe a couple more by Tuesday's end). I thought I'd list my top 10 favourites and my bottom 10 most disappointing. Not bottom 10 least favourite/worst, because I read a fair number of books this year that I knew would be bad, gag picks, things like that.

(ALTHOUGH shout out to Inferno by Dan Brown by being the actual worst book I read this year, I knew it would be bad because it's fucking Dan Brown and even with those basement-level expectations it still managed to piss me the fuck off. Fuck that book, seriously.)

Also, re-reads were not allowed on this list. I re-read Guards! Guards! and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest this year and they were both still as incredible as the first time I read them, but they don't get consideration here.

Top 10 Favourite Reads

10 - The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley -- I know what she did. Fucking compelling as hell book, though.

9 - Circe by Madeline Miller -- Beautifully written. Shame about the legacy of endless Greek myth retellings, but it doesn't take away from this.

8 - Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata -- Just finished this yesterday, loved it! Keiko's perspective on the world and people's expectations is too real.

7 - Imposter Syndrome by Kathy Wang -- So fun. Stylish yet grounded, honestly the closest I got this year to un-put-down-able.

6 - The Hour of the Star by Clarice Lispector -- You don't HAVE to be a writer to want to cradle and nurture this book, but I think it helps.

5 - Friday Black by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah -- My favourite of the short story collections I read this year. Every single story grabs you by the throat.

4 - NOS4A2 by Joe Hill -- I'm sure he's tired of the comparison, but I feel like this is everything I want a Stephen King book to be, but isn't. It's Stephen King, but with a good editor and compelling ladies!

3 - Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card -- It is so annoying to me how good this is. Fuck OSC, but fuck him even more for this being so good.

2 - Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky -- Apparently I love books about exploring mysterious zones with vague worldbuilding?? Because...

1 - Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer -- ... this trend nabbed the top 2 spots for me this year. GIVE ME ALL THE MYSTERIOUS ZONES.

Top 10 Most Disappointing Reads

10 - Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins -- What the hell happened here? This was a mess. The plot was awkwardly paced, the games felt gimmicky, just... bad.

9 - My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She's Sorry by Fredrik Backman -- Relentlessly twee. Miss me with all these HP references, too.

8 - The Vegetarian by Han Kang -- Very ???, but not in a fun way. Everyone's acting like it's their first day being a human.

7 - Behind Closed Doors by B.A. Paris -- Reads like something you'd pick up off a shelf in a grocery store or dollar store at random. Very amateurish prose.

6 - Demon Theory by Stephen Graham Jones -- This was heartbreaking because I've been pumped for years to get into SGJ, but this? Nah. The movie-pitch-as-novel schtick did not work for me at all, and after the first "movie" I quickly got lost.

5 - The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers -- Its only saving grace was being an easy read. Which alien do I have to fuck around here for some conflict and a gd plot? I guess "cozy scifi" is not for me.

4 - Peace by Gene Wolfe -- I was ready for this to be over about halfway through. What on earth. I also read Ziggurat this year, though, and that was good.

3 - The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon -- My second chance for Chabon, and unfortunately I think he's just not for me.

2 - On a Pale Horse by Piers Anthony -- The onslaught of misogyny, holy shit. Just read Pratchett's Mort, it's all of this, but done way, way better.

1 - Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore -- This was so fucking obnoxious. Please love yourself and don't read this. Don't be like me and finish everything you start. Why do I do this.

[unclefathersantateddy]

what are your thoughts on teddy's relationship with his family and how they were abusive? what about his younger sister?? and his relationship with his ex wife where he was also abused by her 🤔 how do you think these affected his personality and relationships. sorry this is an English essay ass prompt but im genuinely curious lmao i love analyzing family history (obvs)

Light coming in with the big gun from the get-go!!! Hahaha thank you for a great question!!!

So from what we know about Teddy's mom, she's a bit of a Wild Card™. Likes to do what she wants, when she wants, isn't exactly your traditional grandma.

But given the majority of people become docile with age (rather than more adventurous), it stands to reason /why/ she waited until retirement to do all the things she enjoyed? Could that be why her and Teddy's dad always used to argue?

Teddy's age places his parents as either dating or hooking up around the 70s/80s. Assuming they've never left the US, this wasn't exactly a pinnacle time for women's rights.

So we have an oppressive timestamp, a turbulent relationship, and then an extinction burst (Teddy's mom doing ALL her interests in retirement) post-breakup.

These factors together connote that teddy's father may have been restrictive/disapproving of teddy's mother's interests, hobbies, passions - or may be indicative of teddy's father's disdain/nonchalance towards his wife in general. (I'm assuming they were married because 'merica). Which would be an apt representation of Boomer relationships, the whole "can't live with them, can't live without them" (totally healthy /s).

But on the flipside to a potentially controlling father, his mom IS a wild card lol. If she's still up to mad shit in retirement, WHAT was she into in her prime?? Was she Fully Unhinged™? Given her, "muchness" (for lack of better words), it stands to reason it may transfer as "feisty" or "fiery" during arguments with teddy's dad, so whilst his dad may have been authoritarian, his mom may have been inflammatory and antagonistic.

As for his sister GIVE HER SOME GD SCREEN TIME!!!!!!! WHO ARE DANA AND DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna see if she's exactly like Teddy or if she's his antithesis, are they both so interested in learning about the lives of every stranger they meet? That's beautiful bro. I hope so. I both want her to be an almost identical twin to teddy, and to look exactly like her bf Dan (like the Van Houtens in the Simpsons). I think I want Dana to have the spunkiness that teddy lacks. I love the "anxious older sibling, feral younger sibling" dynamics, like what Tina and Louise have. I want an episode where Teddy's in therapy talking to Dr Marjorie about his childhood whilst Dana's out back wrestling a bar fly for his teeth or smn. Same trauma but dealt with in VERY different ways. I need it!!!!!!!!! I deserve this!!!!!!!!! LOL.

Moving onto Denise, FUCK Denise. Fuck any single individual that makes you feel like you have to change your core sense of self in order to feel accepted and/or loved. You KNOW she's that slimy level of manipulative that easily gets her own way in every situation. The type that rarely gets called up but if you call them up everyone else around will take their side. The GOOD manipulators. Real piece of shit types. The type to push you so far into a corner you come out crazy. So crazy noone believes you and they all side with the charismatic one. (These people boil my soul into an angry black jus, I become one of the 4 biles). IIRC we don't even get a full line from her, I'm pretty sure she only says "teddy?" (But please correct me if that's false), but that's still enough to solidify her as a shithouse in my mind. Questioning his name like don't pretend you don't know or recognise him you shitcunt, he gave you so much of his life. Eat a dick.

As negative as all these experiences are, I do think they shaped teddy for the better! I mean, he is a lil anxious and awkward and doesn't have the best self-esteem/confidence. BUT, he's incredibly emotionally intelligent for an old white guy. He's SO full of love, for EVERYONE. Every single person he comes across or meets (as exampled by S12E4 Driving Big Dummy), he fundamentally enjoys experiencing. They're not just people to chat to, they are experiences to be had. They are characters you've never heard of to stories you've never read. His approach to people is polar opposite to how most of us perceive other people, most of us are like Bob, he doesn't /hate/ people, but he doesn't /like/ them either. Teddy DOES like other people, he REALLY likes other people, he put the work into his trauma so it didn't taint the rest of him. I'm not gonna speak on behalf of everyone with PTSD but I know for a lot of us we fester on our trauma and victimise ourselves, often resulting in self- alienation and isolation, teddy shows no sign of that. S8E5 Thanks-Hoarding picks up on teddy being a handyman so he can "fix" his parents relationship (simplifying), but it doesn't address the fact he is CONSTANTLY putting himself out there. Handymen are a word-of-mouth trade, to be a successful handyman you HAVE to put yourself out there. To meet new people is to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable with PTSD is like a rabbit exposing its belly to an owl yknow? Throughout the entire show we see teddy consistently putting the work in. Into every part of his life, he's making the effort to improve his life. I know healthcare in the US is a privilege that only the capitalists can afford, but it is so refreshing to see an American go to therapy instead of just complaining about how much they need therapy lol (no judgment, again I appreciate it's a nigh impossible situation to escape).

Thank you for the incredibly stimulating question, light!! (Sorry if I didn't answer all the questions fully! Will edit or update later!🤍)

[gcldfanged]

A lot of people kinda don't understand the effects of racism and I've noticed "this person turned out to be a racist" seems to just kinda be on the level of "meh" for most people, so I just wanna take a moment to describe something that happened to me and how it affected me on more than a personal level in an rpc:

Imagine you've been friends with and writing with a small group of likeminded folk, having a LOT of fun, even sharing some personal information since you've been hitting it off so well.

Then, while in an rp server with said friends, one of them posts a picture of someone who looks exactly like you, albeit with stereotypically offensive and exaggerated features with a sign indicating how unintelligent they are, but also implying that your birth country should be nuked off the face of the planet.

You aren't angry so much as shocked, the anger hasn't had time to settle in yet, so you ask "uhh, what the fuck lol" and nobody seems to bat an eyelash. In fact they're all in agreement that this depiction of your people is hilarious and would make a wonderful gift for the poster's history teacher.

You, again, ask for an explanation and point out the imagery is insulting and dehumanizing and point out they ALL KNOW you are from this country, only to be told by the admin of the server "Well, I can see you're upset. I'm sorry you got offended, but it's just political humor, it wasn't supposed to upset you. Nobody in this server is trying to upset you." so ultimately, you decide to leave. You're hurt and confused, but mostly still in a state of disbelief.

Your mutual friend who lives in a different timezone was still in the server and contacts you the next morning, indicating they also recently left but also expressed that the rest of server basically spent the entire night making fun of you for being 'so gd upset over nothing'.

Now you have to live with this knowledge that you've not only lost an entire group of friends and fellow writers, but you can't say anything in public about it for fear of "causing drama". So you keep silent, you don't say anything or drop names, you confer only with your friend who also left the server.

Then even close (or so you thought) mutuals start blocking you en masse and you still can't say a solitary word to defend yourself, for fear of losing what few friends you have left in this community.

Like, sure it's not so in your face as a public lynching, but this is HOW racism affects people like me. It's not simply an isolated incident of someone saying I'm a 'chinky-eyed, dog-eating bitch' who should go back to their own 'filthy country' and me getting to call them out in public and having all of my allies hug me and tell me I'm valid.

These people were supposed to be my allies. That is how deep-rooted and insidious racism is in society and it's a lot more than just name-calling and moments of outright bullying.

I see a lot of people saying they're not fans of bigotry and that it's 'against their rules', yet when people have DNIs on their profiles and carrds and outright say it's because of racism/bigotry, it's seen as a red flag??? or when drama does inevitably happen and receipts start getting dropped, both parties are blocked immediately?

I get not wanting to have conflict in your happy fun Barbie doll-smashing space, but if your friend is feeling unsafe and betrayed on that level, like... wouldn't you want to at least hear them out? Idk. I see a lot of massive double-standards where 'drama' is concerned and it just kinda makes me wonder whose comfort level I should really be prioritizing.

[supercantaloupe]

assorted opera blorbo drawings that were either too stupid or i didn't like enough to post on their own

[nectardaddy]

HELLO i was wondering what made u get into teaching bc i’m considering switching to major in education (i major in english rn) bc i would love to be a hs/college english prof & i would love to know what sold u to be a teacher bc i’m considering it a lot rn

I knew I wanted to be a teacher after I had a class with my astronomy teacher in high school! she was able to make learning SO FUCKING FUN! and that's when I realized learning CAN be fun and it doesn't have to be ungodly boring.

also, my 9th grade math teacher put the thought in my head in the first place. he was the ONLY math teacher I had where I actually understood what I was doing and ENJOYED MATH! he broke shit down for me like no one has ever done before

but what sold sold me was actually getting to be in a classroom. my college allowed us to be in a classroom every semester, even freshman year, because they wanted us to see all different types of classes. from alt schools, self contained classrooms, to a gen ed 10th grade class I SAW IT ALL. but being able to SEE the "omfg I get it now" expressions on students faces DID IT!!!!

while I love the students who already get it and find little struggle in what we do, it's the students who I see try so gd hard and seeing their work pay off and they get excited about it!!!

I know I'm going on a tangent here, I'm sorry, but it wouldn't be right of me to only tell you the glows of teaching and not the grim side. teaching is hard. you get burnt out incredibly easy. my first year I told myself that I couldn't fucking do it and almost quit. there are schools that treat you like shit. there are parents that treat you like shit. there are students that treat you like shit, even when you know you are trying your best and want them to succeed. people will never truly understand just how much of yourself you pour into this profession and will downplay it. you will cry. you will laugh. you will be so angry you feel hot. you will feel guilt. you will feel every possible human emotion there is within a classroom setting.

now I say all this because, even with all those drawbacks, I still do it because I love it. if you have a passion for it, chase it. if you want to, do it. real teaching is what you make of it!

[ask-your-fav-spiderling]

happy 20th birthday to ME. uhmmmm big news

I'M RETIRING!!!!! 🗣️🗣️

as spiderling. for the foreseeable future. potentially forever!!

i've just been thinking, i started being spiderling when i was 13 fresh off the death of harry. that wasn't my fault, i didn't do anything to cause that other than like exist. it took me a really long time to figure that out though. but after that i decided i had to fix what i thought i'd done, i had these abilities that meant i had to use them, right?

so i went out and i helped tons of people and i'll never regret that, but i got myself hurt. a lot.

and then i met the cluster. which is another thing i'll always be thankful for. i absolutely love y'all, don't doubt this because of what i'm about to say. a lot of you were not the best role models for a 13 year old. this is just like a fact i'm NOT upset about it, i can easily recognize that we were all in uniquely weird and/or bad places, but also gang the first time most of us met was ALSO the first time i saw a dead body. but we all met and now you're my family and i know now that if i quit spider stuff entirely you'll still stick by me.

then mysterio happened. and listen there are things that occurred that stay between me, him, gd, and my therapist, beyond what y'all already know. but it fucked me up GOOD, and i still have a lot of problems discerning what around me is real or not.

then a WHOLE lot of other stuff happened and i got angrier and just. bad mentally. i never wanted to fight when i was angry, i still don't, i hate the lack of control and i hate acting like my dad. but i was spiderling i couldn't just not go out. because then the almighty vague "something bad" would happen. and so i'd go out and be reckless and get hurt worse and worse and i'd feel awful about it so OBVIOUSLY to make up for it i had to go out more.

OCD is not a logical disorder.

and things would get better for a bit, then worse, and the "betters" got less great and the "worses" got more extreme and it just get going and going until eventually i hit a point where i realized if i didn't quit i would probably get killed. but by now, patrol was a compulsion. i'd have full anxiety attacks if i didn't have my suit on me at all times. so quitting was much much harder than i thought it'd be.

but i hatched a plan last year, you love me and my plans, and took down my rouges in a way that i believe ensures they can't come back. all of them are big long stories that i WILL be telling but ideally later. and uh yeah. did it!

so i think, it's still hard to retire entirely. because there are good, great things about being spiderling, mostly the community and getting to help people in a way that really matters. so essentially, i'm on call. if there's a situation where you need extra hands and i feel capable of helping, i'll be there. but in 22701? zip, zilch, nada, i am done. i did my time.

i want to be there for fun things too! conventions, events, competitions, all that jazz.

but yeah, that's the spiel. happy 20th to meeeee can't wait until next year to see if i can get drunk