#gay bible

[floral-ashes]

I pissed off a far-right Catholic lawyer. 😂

[yeahpapayaya]

maybe something for valentines 🥺

[towerofbabybell]

do you think david caught himself staring at jonathan's back muscles while he was arching for way longer than he should've

[sir-davey]

I love this picture so much, someone needs to redraw this picture of them 👹

[dilutedh2so4]

gay bible: part 2! apocrypha edition

JUDITH AND HER MAID FROM THE BOOK OF JUDITH MAKE ME GO FERAL

AND THE MAID DOESNT EVEN GET A NAME

AND IDK WHY SHES ALWAYS DEPICTED AS AN OLD WOMAN WHEN SHE OUTLIVES JUDITH BUT OH WELL

- Artemisia Gentileschi's "Judith and her maidservant" my girls look so confused in this lmao

Context: > Judith's city of Bethulia was besieged by the Assyrian army. > The leaders of her city were planning to surrender to them. > Judith, some rando widow, was like: lol no

"You cannot plumb the depths of the human heart or understand the workings of the human mind; how do you expect to search out God, who made all these things, and find out his mind or comprehend his thought?" -Judith 8:14

So, Judith and her maid set out alone to go and girlboss these Assyrians. Alone... With her maid...

Perfect date night!

This maid goes with Judith on this dangerous mission to assassinate the enemy general, even when literally everyone else has given up.

"Stand at the town gate tonight so that I may go out with my maid, and within the days after which you have promised to surrender the town to our enemies, the Lord will deliver Israel by my hand." -Judith 8:33

Then; > Judith rizzes up the enemy general Holofernes. > In his sleep, she and her maid cut off his head. > The Assyrian army freaks out and runs away!

"Judith went out and gave Holofernes’s head to her maid, who placed it in her bag. Then the two of them went out together, as they were accustomed to do for prayer." -Judith 13:9-10

^ Helping out the wife ^

You're telling me they were accustomed to going out in the dark together? Alone? At night? Hmmm...

Once they are back in Bethulia, everyone celebrates being saved. Judith rizzes up some ladies (Judith 15:12) and never remarries (Judith 16:21-22) despite every single person she interacts with finding her hot (Judith 8:7-8, 10:7, 10:14, 10:19, 10:23).

"Judith went to Bethulia and remained on her estate. For the rest of her life she was honored throughout the whole country. Many desired to marry her, but she gave herself to no man." -Judith 16:21-22

She lives with her maid on the estate for the rest of her life, unmarried, to the age of 105!

At her passing, she gives freedom to her maid, despite passing all her other property (like servants) onto her relatives. This seems to be in gratitude for the help all those years ago, but why not free her back then?

Unless...

Perhaps...

There was something else going on hmmm...

-Judith Slaying Holofernes by Artemisia Gentileschi me and the gf hard at work

-Judith and Her Maid, artist unknown, German origin c.1600

Judith does appear to love her deceased husband though, mourning deeply for him as seen in Judith 8:6, so I vote her as bi or pan ;)

It could be a cover/excuse for her not remarrying but you can decide that for yourself

Judith remained as a widow for three years and four months at home, where she set up a tent for herself on the roof of her house.

She put sackcloth around her waist and dressed in widow’s clothing.

She fasted all the days of her widowhood except the day before the Sabbath and the Sabbath itself, the day before the new moon and the day of the new moon, and the festivals and days of rejoicing of the house of Israel.

She was beautiful in appearance and was very lovely to behold. Her husband Manasseh had left her gold and silver, male and female slaves, livestock, and fields, and she maintained this estate.

No one spoke ill of her, for she feared God with great devotion.

-Judith 8:4-8

Many desired to marry her, but she gave herself to no man all the days of her life after her husband Manasseh died.

She became more and more famous and grew old in her husband’s house, reaching the age of one hundred five.

Before she died, she set her maid free. She died in Bethulia, and they buried her in the cave of her husband Manasseh.

-Judith 16:22-23

^ the language is very male-centred and focused around her husband (who plays no role in the story) as might be expected from a text coming out of a male-centred society ^ it still points out she gave herself to *no man* afterwards soooo yk (she was too in love with her gf)

[mxed-salad-greens]

i was playing infinite craft when my dad walked in

this is what he sees

[catwouthats]

Y’all help I’m terrified to go on tiktok rn because my video explaining how the Bible is kinda gay finally got approved… I have so many notifs for comments…

[sxnshxnxxnddxxsxxs]

i think this is probably the most appropriate occasion to show off my gay bible (gifted to me by my super christian primary school upon graduation)

also it has some illustrations of samson for you guys

but also this post had me read judges 13-16 for the first time in like a decade and let me tell you judges 14 v18 samson has bars (sexist ones but still bars)

i was talking to this guy yesterday and he said "i'm pretty sure i'm straight but i might be a little bicurious. there are definitely some guys i might hook up with. like samson." and i said "samson?" and he said "yeah. like from the bible"

[kensatou]

what if i risked my life and put up (affectionate) with your unhinged monsterfucker brother to save you. and then revealed i was an expert in illegal black magic just so i could resurrect you from a pile of bones. and what if i later explored your body in the bath. and you laced our fingers together and offered to share your energy with me. and what if after all that… there was only one bed. what then.

update: it's been ANIMATED. gifs here

[queerism1969]

[charbroiledchicken]

"you used to be such a big reader. what happened?" they ask

"i...have a lot of work." i reply, frantically closing all my ao3 tabs because im not about to go and tell people my biggest kin is harry potter's father's best friend's brother and his little fruity friend group

[deep-space-lines]

okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.

yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything

((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))

and then they fucked nasty the end

[sir-davey]

David’s big fat crush

Made this goofy comic of David crushing on Jonathan majestically drinking his soup.

There’s supposed to be another page of this but I didn’t have time to draw it lol, so I guess wait for part 2 😈 But hehehee, I can see David definitely having a crush on Jonathan even before their covenant, like him coming to Saul’s palace for the first time, and then sees this pretty prince boi, and immediately falls in love lollll, and everything Jonathan does is absolutely gorgeous to him, to the point he be seeing sparkles and rainbows 🌈✨

[liusia-piu]

[fairweathermyth]

Christ! I know you can’t hear me, but I only did what you wanted me to. Christ! I’d sell out the nation, for I have been saddled with the murder of you.

JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR dir. Norman Jewison, 1973

[whatareyoureallyafraidof]