#gay ass bitches going everywhere together

[rockybloo]

I feel like bitchin so I'mma bitch bc I always see people going on rants on their Tumblrs and I'm long overdue for one. Anyways, this is a long one so be aware you are gonna be scrolling for a good bit if you view under the cut.

ANYWAYS, I know that that rude anon from last week is old news but their whole "I'm sad that Glitter and Guilt is a m/f relationship" thing is just a part of a never ending situation I am going to experience til the end of time (or til I stop posting stuff online) just because I focus on primarily m/f relationships in my art.

And they aren't even straight m/f relationships, which is what annoys me the most about comments like this. They're all bisexual. But because people see bisexual characters as better than straight but less than same-sex attracted orientation, I will always have to deal with these passive aggressive ass comments.

I dealt with this typa stuff SO OFTEN in my early days on Instagram, especially when I posted some of my gender nonconforming OCs like Danny (my pink demon man who dresses like a bimbo Barbie doll). It got to the point I stopped sharing him over there for a bit because I would get comments where people were hoping he had a boyfriend in the past, or they were disappointed I "never" drew any Sapphic couples because they mistook Danny as a woman in a pic where he was kissing Karrie.

And I get the whole desire to want more representation. Trust me, I'm bi, black, and nonbinary. I am NEVER going to get any type of representation outside of the indie artists I find in small niche circles online. I completely get the whole "m/f relationships are EVERYWHERE in mainstream media" mentality because I also agree but only to a point.

There's a ton of trashy m/f media, but there's also good shit when you dig because you can find people who don't just shove a guy and girl together and call that a done deal - they actually give them personality and chemistry and a fun dynamic.

I'm a firm believer that the gender of a ship shouldn't dictate if it's good or not. An interesting dynamic is what motivates me to care about a couple of characters dating. That's why it bugs me whenever someone suggests any kind of series to me and simply tells me "It's gay" before telling me the actual plotline. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT A SERIES IS ABOUT! DO NOT WASTE MY TIME!!! (Please do not pop into my inbox after reading this and suggest me stuff btw because I've never been a big suggestions unprompted person - I typically find stuff myself bc I have weird tastes ANYWAYS BACK TO MY RANTING)

When it comes to my art, I draw m/f relationships as a primary focus because it's fun to mess with gender dynamics and flip them on their head, as well as to give younger me the food I wish I had. Growing up, before I realized I was nonbinary, I rarely saw any black girls in loving relationships in animated series I enjoyed. And occasionally I would get flash banged with the long despised trope of "Disposable Black Girlfriend". So I never felt like m/f relationships were oversaturated in my eyes because there were barely any good ones that featured a black girl with a happy ending - which means from DAY MOTHERFUCKIN ONE I was starving for content.

So that obviously means that when I grew up and adopted my "Make your own food" mentality, I started cooking. AND COOK I STILL DO! Because in the end, I make all this food to please myself. OTHERS MAY EAT OF COURSE - I am always happy when people come to my restaurant to dine because they enjoy my meals, but I hate how every blue moon I will get someone who waltzes into my little eatery and tells me that they wish I cooked the meal they get from other restaurants.

Because it would be so much more productive to just go eat AT those restaurants since they already got the food you like.

Having people comment their displeasure about me drawing a guy and a girl together in a healthy (and occasionally insane) relationship is always baffling to me. It's never going to make me stop, it'll only make me draw more Red Beans or more Licorice. It's also so baffling because I know that if the tables where flipped - and I was drawing primarily same-sex bisexual couples (OR JUST SOME GAY OR LESBIAN COUPLES IN GENERAL BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT BI FOLKS AT ALL), it would be so fuckin' frowned upon to comment "I wish you drew more m/f! 🥺"

But because I draw m/f bi couples, it's totally free game. IT'S DEF STILL FROWNED UPON but one is way more likely to make you look like an asshole than the other. Because even in cases where people have said they agree it's a dick move to complain about m/f from me, there's still that vibe of it being more acceptable just because of mainstream media having so many m/f couples and that being the standard of offline society.

But I'm not mainstream media. And I disagree with a lot of standards of offline society which is WHY I poke fun at gender norms with my OCs.

That's why getting a ton of new followers is such a "oh boy here we go" thing for me, because with old followers that have been around for awhile, they know what's up. They understand what I draw, what I write, and how my OCs typically behave. They get that my m/f ships have rabies.

But new followers don't know this. And this has led to some real big "OOF" moments. Like people calling Jack and Nana a "het" couple. Yes, I know that that's a term that doesn't JUST mean "heterosexual" and can refer to them being different genders. It still feels hella weird for me - it's why m/f is my preferred descriptor because it lacks that confusion.

New followers are typically the ones that leave the passive aggressive comments about me mostly drawing m/f. OFTEN because they think I am one of those artists who will draw whatever it takes to please my audience. BUT I AM NOT - THERE IS NO AUDIENCE INFLUENCE HERE ☝🏾

I am not a taxi where I pick people up whenever they call me and I drop them off wherever they tell me.

I am a roller-coaster. Specifically those ones where you can see the entire track layout in the distance so you know what you're in for. You may sit in the front or the back or somewhere in the middle but that is the last input you got before I take off at my own speed (that will be stated RIGHT on the warning sign you read as you walked in) and once I am done, you may get off and carry along your merry way through the rest of the park OR you may get on to ride again.

This entire passive aggression towards m/f ships is just so tiring to deal with because there will never be an end to it. Even after I post this, I know days, weeks, months, YEARS down the line - someone will see some Jack and Nana art, or some Bitterbat and Sweetheart comic, or ANY of my other m/f couples, and type up some comment about how they wish the couples were same-sex. Or someone will lament over the fact they thought a couple was same-sex but it turned out the dude was just hella feminine.

Because it just ain't enough to have bisexual characters that are dating the same sex because then people will call them "straight passing" and not count them as being queer. And having all my OCs being bisexuals ain't enough to mark me as a queer artists in some eyes because "making all your OCs bi is just lazy" and not me representing an aspect of myself that I constantly see sidelined online.

Me drawing bisexual m/f couples is viewed as something that can be tinkered and tampered with so I can be more appealing and inclusive to others like I'm some mainstream Hollywood series and not just some random person online who draw the fictional beings in my mind kissing each other whenever I got the crumb of free time. Primarily drawing m/f couples means I gotta just vibe whenever I see a moot or a friend post or reblog some weird sentiment referring to how lame m/f couples are and I just gotta HOPE that they aren't including bisexuals when they engage with stuff like that.

I'm in this weird space where I am wedged between "You're not a straight artist" and "You aren't drawing enough gay stuff" online.

And I'm fine with this since I've been online for over a decade at this point. This isn't a vent post, this is a rant. I don't need cheering up or comfort after posting this. This is just some real talk because I typically post lighthearted stuff since I like to keep my blogs positive.

But I also like to keep my shit honest and I think it's important to just state a piece of my mind. I wouldn't say I'm being vulnerable, this is just some insight to why I draw what I do and why I get so annoyed by certain interactions with people and certain sentiments online that are antagonistic of m/f ships that put them all down without hearing them out.

Blah blah blah I'm tired of typing and I've said most of the main points I've needed uuuummm

If you read this long have some m/f fluff

[jareaul0ver]

so many things in my head rn

[wewebaggit]

The Big Byler Theory

This might not be well structured but I will try not to be all over the place and keep it as short as possible. So here goes.

How it's gone so far

First and foremost, Mike's got to earn it. He has been a bit of a bitch and an asshole and has not yet learned the art of apologising. The show and Mike rest on Will's enthusiasm to forgive and forget to make it seem like all's fine and dandy. Mike hasn't apologised for his homophobic remark in season 3 and neither has he apologised for repeatedly ignoring Will. (season 4 apology was lame sowie) Mike has to learn to make amends (not just with Will) and take responsibility for his words. You can't just be the heart and then simultaneously be the asshole.

Will on the other hand needs to get to a point where he "doesn't hate himself" or at least makes major improvement in his self worth. His arc can't be about realising that he's deserving of Mike's love. But love in general.

Van Scene/Garage Scene aka Byler create a Scene

People talk about how Mike doesn't make him feel like a mistake at all and apply it to Mike making him feel like he's okay/better for being gay. NO. Mike's love and friendship makes him better for being different. Different in the way he's small and shy and easily intimidated but better cuz he feels like he can voice his opinions in front of Mike. Different in the way that his clothes are colourful, he draws and is artsy and sensitive and has been regularly bullied for those qualities even by his own father but better cuz Mike plasters his art everywhere. Different in the way that his songs are "stupid" or not Kenny Rogers but better cuz he can sing them around Mike anyway. Different in the way that he was possessed by a netherworldly entity and used as a spy but better cuz Mike made him their super spy. Different in how he was alone on the swings and Mike walked up to him and asked him to be his friend and it was the best thing he ever did. Different in the way he feels not everyone understands him but better cuz Mike does and would be gladly go crazy together with him. Different in how he is usually treatedlike a baby, like a freak but better cuz Mike doesn't treat him differently at all.

But that does not give Mike a pass. The 2020fication of the 80s or the post-homophobiafication of humanity in general has made people excuse homophobia just because it came from a gay guy. People need to realise that just because you suspect someone to be homophobic, you don't just cut them out of your life. Many do. Many don't. There's militant homophobia and then there's the hate the sin not the sinner homophobia. And everything in between. So Will regardless of what he thinks about Mike's homophobia is not just gonna dump his ass. As far as Will knows Mike's just straight. He does not have Tumblr perspective. Heck he has lesser than casual viewer perspective. So his gayness is still definitely something Mike doesn't make him feel better about. Cuz Mike doesn't even know for one. And Mike is just rubbing his relationship in his face even if it's not about being homophobic but just a bad friend. (In Will's POV)

And no. This is not to call Mike the devil's spawn. But to say that an express apology is fundamental to his own arc. Because to apologise to Will he must first forgive himself for wanting what he wants.

I resent the idea that Mike is aware of AND willing to explore his feelings for Will but ONLY stops himself because he loves El so so much and doesn't want to lose her. Makes no sense. She hasn't really been sending him any signals of wanting to chuck him out of her life.

Mike's arc is about conformism. And it is because he's someone who can successfully do it without being "clocked". He isn't scared to lose her. He is scared to lose his shield. He's scared to face his "difference" cuz if he doesn't have a girlfriend he is only a boy who doesn't really want girlfriends and honestly can't get girlfriends.

And again that's not a commentary on his frog face or inability to rizz up or whatever the kids are calling it these days. It is his canon inability to know anything about dating a girl. Something that is very instinctual. (Confusion over how to get back El vs just knowing to go after Will). He keeps looking up to Lucas who's by no means an expert since that's his first relationship too. But my boy Sinclair has his hetero instincts with him. Puberty slapped Mike hard and he is now not only aware that he's attracted to boys but also that he's not attracted to girls.

It's his defensiveness and self-hate that made him lash out at Will. Was he projecting? Yes. But was he really remorseful? No. Because he intended to say what he did. That's what people do when they're defensive. Cuz it was an entirely disproportionate response to "some stupid girl". Also a hetero would know bros before hoes. (ik shit) But he completely cuts off his bros? Ya. So so straight. As seen with Lucas not finding it hard to find a balance. (It's been like this all summer - Lucas Sinclair himself said it).

So what does it mean for Byler? (That is so horribly underdeveloped LMAO I can't even bt that's for a different day).

How it should go moving forward (I feel/hope/pray/manifest)

Well, the timing of it could be anything. But that painting is gonna be brought up. And it is going to be messy. I know people want Mike to be sad and not angry, but sad and angry is just so much better and makes sense. There is a fight. Because neither are ready to lay it all out in the open. You don't suddenly gain that confidence. I hope they're separated after. If it is because of avoidance, different team ups, or both. Doesn't matter. They both need time with their thoughts and the time being spent thinking about their own selves. This growth may be through convos with their loved ones and some other self reflective moments. I think that Mike's gonna get a coming out scene most probably with Karen. Will might get a scene like the one he already got in SBP with Jonathan but maybe with Joyce. (I hope she needs to make a comeback as a mother.) It could be a private moment or a Byers family moment. I don't want a party coming out. I want the boys to share this with the people that are closest to them and their fiercest supporters and rocks. Karen for Mike and Joyce n Jonatan for Will. Also, I think it's Mike who's gonna HAVE TO expressly say it while Will's could go either way. This is cuz of the differences in their circumstances - in/visible gayness.

How do they get together? Well believe it or not, a lot of unnecessary supernatural and sci-fi plot shit is crammed in (bullshit right?) and maybe they're now more okay being around each other cuz their deepest fears have been mostly assuaged. They don't feel alone with their truth and therefore, their place in the world does not rest on the reciprocity of their feelings. Imagine not HAVING to need each other but CHOOSING to. Cuz they just really really really want it. And it would make them happy. How they pursue each other is by not hiding. Nothing too brave I feel. Just being themselves. The vibes will carry. How THE getting together scene goes - I don't know. Surprise me, honestly. But for all the shit treatment their storyline has gotten so far I want s5 to fix it so well that WHEN it happens we all go crazy together! 💙💛

[theangelsheardyou]

At the hospital rn so here are some headcanons of bsd men with cats

Chuuya:

- *cat meows* *he meows back*

- likes cats that are chubby

- if someone so much as says "heck" in front of his beautiful little baby he will go on a rampage

- "WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAS BEEN SWEARING IN FRONT OF MY LITTLE GIRL"

- absolutely spoils the shit out of his cat

- BTW it's a black one with elegant green eyes and she's a total bitch but that's why he loves her

- same spoiled rich bitch energy

- they were made for each other

- he def rants about dazai to her

- idk abt a name yet but I'm thinking he'd name her something fancy like a type of wine or an author of an old book he likes or smth

- they look like they judge people together

- they absolutely do

- if you think ur safe no u are not

- she does not like dazai AT ALL

- whenever he sees her he tries to be friendly and even give her treats but she just hisses or ignores him

- *dazai enters chuuyas apartment (uninvited)* heya Eleanor!

Eleanor: *hisses*

Dazai: okay! :D

Dazai:

- ohhh dazai's cat would absolutely despise him

- it's not really his cat, it just kinda keeps coming back to him for food

- whenever he tries to be affectionate with it it just hisses or bites him

- but it still keeps coming back the next day

- hmmmm sounds like a certain someone

- he also gets the shittest cat foods ever

- "heyyyy I hope you like this new tuna I got ya!!! It's chocolate flavored :)"

- the cat will def vomit on his shoes

- it's happened more often than u think

- BTW it's an orange tabby that he likes cause it's mean and orange and reminds him of someone

- GEE I WONDER WHO

Fyodor:

- fyodor has the most spoiled snooty ass little Persian cat in the whole entire world

- it looks exactly like the ones you see in cartoons

- she's all white with pretty blue eyes and a nice little collar that costs like 10,000 in usd

- I can also see him with a cat like chuuyas, u know the ones villains in movies usually have

- tje black pointy slender ones

- you'd walk into his lair or smth and it's all dark and it's just him in his chair facing you and caressing the cat on his lap

- me next me next ME NEXT ME NE

- it also acts like his own personal spy, by lurking around his enemies (dazai) and finding out all sorts of dirt on them (his love for chuuya) and bringing them to fyodor for him to exploit (putting a hand on his forehead and eyes going "the gays are at it again")

Nikolai:

- your friendly neighborhood animal abuser😝

- u know that cat from the start of princess and the frog???

- the one that lottie had when she was a kid???

- yea it's like that

- bro torments the SHIT out of that poor kitty (mine next please please)

- he would come home and just throw it into the air as a greeting

- his ceiling is covered in cat scratches from every time he's done it

- atp he would just randomly go "Hey where nikolai junior???" Like he's Phineas and Ferb looking for perry meanwhile his poor tortured cat is hiding from him somewhere

- he would bring that thing everywhere

- airport, barbers, hospital, restaurant, PRISON

- "sir you can't have pets in here" "awww why not :((((" "because this is a correctional facility"

- he'd be with the gang😎 and sigma jus goes "nikolai....what's in your shirt???" And he's like wdym?? And sigma goes "it's...meowing?? What have you got in there???" And nikolai has to answer very carefully bc of all the times fyodor has told him NOT TO BRING HIS GODDAMN CAT INTO THEIR MEETINGS so he just smiles sweatily and says "drugs" which for him is honestly way more believable but fyodor just sighs

Anyway that's all I got for now wish me luck at the hoptal guys :DDD

[elmatashaw]

El Matashaw

≫I mean, my tumblr is literally called Matashaw, of course I’m gonna have Matashaw headcanons! This post is dedicated to the best person I’ve ever met in the fandom, @vampirateee !! I hope you enjoy them a lot, I love you!!

(Tw for slight nsfw)

General headcanons:

El Matador

trans fem, pansexual, she/her pronouns

Spanish, born in the capital

hyper sexual, but doesn’t accept it because “everyone’s a bit horny sometimes” (she’s horny 24/7)

npd and bdp because, do I have to explain??

crazy bitch with multiple disorders but I love her

loves tight shirts and flare/wide pants (and short skirts but that’s on special occasions), her closet literally has any piece you can think of!

rudest person EVER, doesn’t think before talking, and is not willing to. Apologizing? What’s that?

proudest Spaniard you will ever meet

really silky, soft, long black hair, every time she’s stressed she just caresses it

North Shaw

trans masc, bisexual, he/they pronouns

Both of his parents are Argentinian but he was born in Australia

Has freckles literally everywhere, doesn’t really like them

biggest The Smiths and The Cure fan, some people might call him basic because his favorite song is “Boys don’t cry”. He once listened to it all night and his neighbors called the police on him

HES SO DUMB HE CANT TAKE INDIRECTS FOR HIS LIFE OH MY GOD

stupid ass jock (I’m so mad about the fact they made him smarter in the earlier seasons)

a sucker for love, spent his teenage years hugging his pillow while crying

found out he was into men thanks to an “am I gay” quiz he did as a joke with his friends, he got the highest score out of them and stayed awake the whole night thinking about it

his dancing skills are horrible, but has so much fun in discos, he be hitting the most hideous moves with Blok, but hey, he’s happy!

Ship headcanons:

“North is the smart one and El Matador is the stupid one!” INCORRECT LOUD BUZZER, WRONG. THEY ARE BOTH STUPID AS FUCK

used to shower together but they stopped since North kept peeing on his very dear gf☺️

their first date was to the beach, they both got drunk and decided to go run naked and terrorize seagulls (they later had to run away because the seagulls came for them)

North is sometimes quite insecure about his body, and el matador literally does not help.

——north looking at himself in the mirror clearly feeling insecure

——“babe don’t look at yourself like that your ass is so fat and juicy don’t worry”

all their disagreements get solved with a “I’m at Wendy’s do you want something”

North once presented El to his parents, let’s just say they had to go to couple therapy after that! (Thanks Nel for the hc)

admire each other a lot, but will not say it

when sleeping together North keeps getting in El’s side of the bed. (She pushes him out by literally kicking him) (and he somehow doesn’t wake up)

oh yeah I forgot, NORTH SNORES SO LOUDLY.

El Matador once tried to cover his mouth with water to stop the snoring but he began to choke (and he still somehow didn’t wake up)

when bored El asks North to carry her around the house

North canonically doesn’t shower a lot so his very dear gf (☺️) created a twitter account called “North’s days without showering count” in which she posts things like “day nine without north showering. He smells like hell and says going into the ocean counts as showering.” (account which went pretty viral)

when making out North usually grabs her by her waist

they are so dumb some of their conversations are like this

——“dude I was looking for my phone with my phones flashlight 😂😭”

——“oh my god 😂😭 where was it?”

North once got cancelled for punching a cameraman recording them getting out of a restaurant

they can be in the most serious talk of their life’s with the team and El would star rubbing north’s thight and then looking at him like “you know you want this” (once got caught and coach went on an one hour rant with the boys about why it was wrong)

For North’s birthday El gave him multiple photos of herself and made one of those rose petals path with candles to the room

The most romantic North has even done is letting El eat the last fry

North brushes El’s hair when he’s nervous

every time any of them have a hard day they just curl up on the bed hugging each other while the other one cries (but when asked they both deny it because what the fuck that’s so embarrassing)

talk shit together

——“I CANT believe they put Liquido number one in the best hair of the super league category, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?”

——“OH MY GOD I KNOW RIGHT IT LOOKS HORRENDOUS WHO EVEN FUCKED HIM UP THAT BADLY”

literally kissed in front of everyone after winning the super league but hey… Those are just rumors, alright??

El matador paints North’s nails but he usually ends up eating the nail polish when dry (again thanks Nel for the hc!!)

every time El sees North talk to someone she immediately comes and enters the conversation as she hugs North (jealous cunt)

Both confessed their love to each other when drunk at a super league event

North has an horrible photo of El sleeping as his phone wallpaper

They both sleep naked

NSFW headcanons:

both absolutely love riding each other

There isn’t a pose they haven’t tried out yet

They both have so much hickeys, and when people ask them why do they both CASUALLY have hickeys they’ll just say “yeah I think the mosquitos empire only comes for our necks… and torsos… and waists… and chests….”

THEY ARE SO LOUD OH MY GOD

once had sex in the beach, they’ve never had more fun (north’s idea)

If you wonder, the glasses ARE STAYING.

once had an argument because North came on her face and stained her glasses so she got mad at him, then North said that she should take the glasses off and oh my god north how could u say that to me learn to control your cum it’s not that hard

El once called North at 3am because she was feeling so horny and dirty talked until the sunrise (me and who..)

blowjobs >>>

they like it rough!!

absolutely despise three-ways. Once tried it out and couldn’t even finish

hair pulling at its finest!!

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Halloween Cinderella; Eddie Munson x reader

*Author’s note*

Okay so this was for a favor for a dear fav. blog of mine @sweetpeapod when she needed some help in clearing out some requests so to the requester who asked this of her during her last event, look no further than here.  Now I made some changes to the request (just some small minor stuff to fit with the time period and all that) but other than that the only warnings are swearing, cheating, some minor angst but also some fluffy, comforting and a bit flirty Eddie.  Hope you enjoy this my lovelies and to @sweetpeapod​ thanks for sending this fic my way, had a blast writing it and I’m happy to help anytime you want your inbox cleared of some work :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels���​

@queen-paladin​

@gay-and-ready-to-cry​

___________________________________________________________

*Halloween 1984*

I still don’t even understand why I even came here to begin with? All I wanted to do was stay at home, do candy duty and just wait for this day to be month to be over.  Not to say that I don’t like Halloween cause I do, but the fact that my douche of a boyfriend dumped me just a week before we would go as our couple costumes of Kane and Ripley from Alien.  That’s something I can’t look past, especially when he admitted to cheating on me with some slut from the swim team.

So my best friend/brother from another mother Ferris (who was dressed as Michael Myers) thought it would still be a good idea for us to go to the party just to rub Jefferson’s face in it.  And believe me when I say that it is hard to say no to Ferris Worthington, the boy’s as stubborn as a mule and won’t take no for an answer.

And that’s where I am.  Sitting in my car, parked right outside Heather’s place where the party was debating whether or not I should go in or just drive away and lock myself in isolation.

“Goddamn it Ferris. Why do I always let you talk me into these things seriously why?” I said talking to myself.  “Because I was a jackass in a previous life. Now grow a pair and get your sexy Ripley butt in there!” I said knowing what he’d say if we had drove together.  “I hate you so much, you better be in there and I swear there better be some serious booze if not a little buzz of the Mary Jane.” I said muttering to myself again as I got out of the car and locked it.

I walked up to Heather’s house and opened the door and already blaring music was playing, streamers were flying everywhere, and over a hundred people were already in the large mansion.

“Think I’ll also be needing some earplugs too and maybe whiskey instead of beer to drown this noise out.” I said adjusting my fake rifle further up my shoulder.  I had been fabricating with my dad since the start of summer, he actually works on indie horror films so he’s gone some weapons and makeup sculpting skills.

As I walked through the crowd of seniors and even a couple of juniors that somehow managed to sneak in, I noticed a problem.  Ferris said he’d be dressing up like Michael Myers from Halloween, well I’m barely at the living room and already I spotted three different Michael Myers masks.

“Brilliant move Ferris. Seems like every freaking guy in here had the same idea you did.” When I finally got to the living room, low and behold there were about seven, maybe 10 other Michael Myers at the party.  I mean Jesus Christ there are other slasher killers you can choose from; Freddie Kruger, Psycho’s Norman Bates, Leatherface, Jason, any of those guys but nope everyone chose Michael Myers.

Again not that there’s anything wrong with it, Jamie Lee, perfect final girl material and an extreme badass next to Sigourney Weaver, but come on guys.  Ferris could’ve at least given me something to distinguish himself from all the other Michael Myers’ at this party.

“Okay so first thing I’m gonna do is find that smug son of a bitch, then kick his ass for making me search for him, and then drink, drink, drink.” I said to myself before going in and walking to the first Michael Myers costume I saw.  “Ferris?!” the person turned to me and motioned to them to take their mask off. They removed their mask and I saw it was one of the football players.

“Sorry.” He told me before putting his mask back on.  Okay one down, nine to maybe a dozen or so to go. I moved through the crowd, keeping my plastic rifle close to me and walked up to the next Michael Myers I saw.

“Ferris is that you under there?!” the person lifted up their mask and it was some other random dude, probably from either another school or even a former graduate (by a year or two).

“You got the wrong guy, sweetheart. But if you stick around, I can make you forget about him.” He said as he eyed me up and down with a lustful look in his eyes.

“Yeah and I’d like to tell you a joke about my vagina but you’re never gonna get it.” I said walking away annoyed.  One by one I asked each Michael Myers I saw to remove their mask, but all of them turned out to be a bust.

I was now by the drinks deciding to just get me some spiked punch and just accept the fact that either Ferris had ditched the party all together and lied to me, or the little shithead is hiding somewhere knowing I’d probably kill him for making me search for him.

I soon took notice of another person coming up as Michael Myers coming to get a glass of punch.  I set my cup down and turned to the guy and told him.

“Need I ask if that’s you Ferris?” the guy soon turned his attention to me and removed his mask.  Unlike the rest of the guys who had short hair underneath, this guy had long, shaggy brown hair.  Deep brown deer like eyes, maybe even puppy brown.  “Oh.” I said dejectedly returning to my drink.

“Just what every boy dreams of hearing from someone who's just seen your face for the first time.” He told me.

“I’m sorry. Really I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s just I’ve been searching for my friend for what feels like hours. He told me he came as Michael Myers and low and behold, almost every guy came in dressed like the guy.”

“I know. At first I was gonna come as Freddie Kruger, but then one of my little sheepies whose part of the drama department in charge of makeup fell sick and couldn’t come to work on my makeup.”

“No kidding, they were really gonna do that?”

“Yeah. Said his dad or uncle or whatever works with VFX makeup in Hollywood. Has his own shop and everything of all the face casts and costumes he’s sculpted. Would’ve been so metal but unfortunately I got stuck with Old Michael. No offense the dude is one badass mother fucker, but the mask just suffocates me.”

“That’s a shame. Cause that is a very lovely face, a really handsome face that I’d hate to see be suffocated and—” oh shit please tell me I did not just say that to some stranger.  I slowly turned to him to see him pondering on what I just said with a smirk before he turned to me and asked.

“Lovely face? No wait scratch that, really handsome face?”

“Can I just the spiked punch made me say it?” I gulped defeatedly.

“You know what they say, drunken lips brings out sober thoughts.”

“That doesn’t even rhyme!”

“Who cares if it does?”

“I do!”

“What are you? The rhyming police?”

“Yes and I’m placing you under arrest for crimes against poor rhyming.” He laughed before saying.

“Whatever you say, Ellen Ripley.”

“You know you’re the first person to actually say who I am.”

“Uncultured swine’s!” he said exasperatedly as he gasped and placed his hand over his heart dramatically.

“Right!? Alien is a badass movie. If they ever think about making a second movie they better not fuck it up.”

“You never know.” He shrugged.  “But if I may be inquired to ask your real name? Just so I can put a name to the girl who called my face handsome.”

“(Y/n). (Y/n) (l/n).”

“Munson. Eddie Munson.” We shook hands as I said.

“With an intro like that, surprised you didn’t come as James Bond.”

“Ehh, cool guy but boring films.”

“WHAT!?”

“Oh don’t tell me…..”

“Uncultured swine!” I exclaimed.  Once again he shot his hand to his heart and threw himself backwards which made me laugh.  “How could you think the Bond films are boring!?!”

“I’m sorry but they drag the plot too long and the humor is kinda stale.”

“Which Bond films have you seen?”

“What was that last Bond film that came out last year?”

“Oh Octopussy with Richard Moore? Okay I will give you that, that one wasn’t as good. But if you get to watch any of the Sean Connery ones, I swear you’ll think he’s the best Bond ever.”

“Okay, I’ll hold you to that.” A brief moment of silence came around us.  It wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward but—comforting? “Hey, I don’t normally ask this but uhh…..do you wanna step outside? Party’s getting more crowded and all that. I was gonna offer that to you earlier when I saw how dejected you seemed earlier.”

“I’d actually like that. Promise not to murder me once we get outside Michael?” I teased his character’s name at the end.

“Oh sweetheart, if anyone’s gonna murder anyone it’s you who’d murder me Ripley. You took on a fucking alien with an extended alien tongue. Compared to that, I’m mere child’s play.” So Eddie and I walked out of the house and into the backyard.

Hardly any people were outside.  Most of them having a quick smoke break or to get some air from the mass of bodies that occupied the house.  As Eddie prepared himself a smoke, he offered me one and I thanked him and he offered up his lighter.

I took a deep inhale before exhaling the smoke as I felt the cigarette between my index and tall finger.

“So the guy you mentioned earlier, you said his name was Ferris?”

“Yeah, Ferris Worthington.”

“Hold on, Ferris Worthington?” he asked me as he turned to me.

“Yeah.”

“About yay-tall, short brown hair, always wears a sweater vest?”

“Yeah. Wait how do you know him?”

“You kidding me? Ferris the Cunning Paladin. Dude may dress like a nerd but he’s one smart son of a bitch in my campaigns. He told me he was gonna dress up as Jason from Friday the 13th and I’ve been looking for him everywhere. We were gonna try to battle it out in front of everyone. Find out just who would really win in a fight.”

Oh that little shit! I’ll kill him I swear!

“Really? Cause like I said before, he told me he was gonna dress up as Michael Myers. Seems we’ve been played.”

“It would seem so.” He said taking an inhale of his cigarette.

“I should’ve known. I’ve known that boy since we were in kindergarten and he always does shit like this. He knew I didn’t want to come to the party anymore and he still managed to somehow convince me only to stand me up just like my douche of an ex-boyfriend!” I ranted angrily and when I turned to see Eddie looking at me stunned I exhaled deeply and shook my head. “I’m sorry. You probably don’t wanna hear me rant, so I wouldn’t blame you if you left me to my misery.”

“I may be known as the ‘Freak of Hawkins High’, but being the King of the social outcasts does come with its priorities.”

“And what’s that?”

“Being a good listener. Since I’m not so stuck up in my head of my own vanity and pride, I can take time to truly listen to those who need to rant, scream or shout. Not like those who follow the force conformity of ignoring other people’s problems.”

“I don’t know Eddie—”

“I won’t pry, if you tell me to drop it, we’ll drop it. But—you do seem like you really need to rant, and it seems like Ferris didn’t really take your feelings seriously.”

“Lately he hasn’t.” I took another intake from my cigarette before exhaling the smoke out and stomping on the last bit of bud that was left.  “My ex-boyfriend, cheated on me with some bimbo from the swim team. And he told me he had been cheating on me for five months while we were still together. Not only that but he dumped me for said bimbo through a note he put in my locker.”

“Jesus what a cowardly dick.” I laughed coldly.

“I wish there was a word to describe him. Couldn’t even work up the balls to break up with me face to face. Anyway, we had planned to come together to this party with me as Ripley and him as Kane. Even made a tiny alien baby to have pop out of his chest and everything.”

“That would’ve been so metal.” I nodded.

“I hated him so much. So much so that I felt like Halloween was ruined for me. I’ve actually wanted to do a couple’s costume ever since we went out. I planned, prepped and tried to come up with a cool costume duo that wasn’t gonna be predictable or standard.”

“I hear yah. I may not look it but I can respect a good costume couple, and already seeing you I would’ve like to have seen that.”

“Sorry to disappoint in not having the other half.”

“Not disappointed. You still look pretty badass. I mean your rifle alone looks awesome.”

“Just your basic nerf gun that I painted and redesigned a bit.”

“Metal.” He said impressed.  “And seriously, I meant what I said when I called your ex a cowardly dick. He shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“I know I shouldn’t let it get to me this badly but—he was the first guy who really took interest in me. And not just because he wanted to have someone to fuck or please him. We did have a lot in common, but then it turns out he had to fuck some other girl behind my back just to keep what was between his legs satisfied. Sometimes I feel like something’s wrong with me.”

“Hey,” he came in front of me.  His head tilted downward so he could try to look me in the eye. Eventually I looked up at him and he continued, “There is nothing, okay absolutely nothing wrong with you. The relationship failed because of him, not you. If he couldn’t see the beautiful woman that was standing right at his side, then it’s his loss.” I felt my cheeks heat up as I crossed my arms over my chest and said.

“Did you just—call me beautiful?��

“I’m not the only one with a good looking face.” He said with a small grin.

“Eddie, I appreciate the comment but…..if this is some attempt for you to be Prince Charming and swoop in on a girl who’s emotionally vulnerable, this isn’t the right way to go about it.”

“I know. I’m just giving a lovely girl a compliment. I don’t expect anything in return.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?” We turned around and speak of the devil there stood Ferris with his lifted up Jason Vorhees mask.  “This was not how I pictured this going!!”

“Did you seriously think I would want another relationship so sudden after my last one?!” I snapped.

“If it gets you to stop mopping, yes! Plus you guys were really hitting it off! C’mon Eddie’s a good guy just kiss him already!” I shook my head at Ferris.

“Permission to beat the shit out of this little turd, my lady?” Eddie asked me.

“He’s all yours.” I said.  Eddie put his mask back on and as quick as lightning, he charged at Ferris who let out a girlish scream and went running for the hills.  I shook my head and decided to just head home knowing that all of this was just Ferris Worthington’s scheme to make me have another man just so I would stop my bitching and mopping.  

Monday at school, I was opening my locker to get my trig book when a note fell out of my locker.  I picked it up, unfolded it and read it.

Hey Ripley,

The party was fun, sorry about Ferris. He says he’s sorry for what he did. And don’t worry, even if he doesn’t mean it, I’ll make sure he pays for it at our next D&D campaign hehehe (devil face drawing).

Anyway, I meant what I said about both your ex being a douche and you being beautiful.  Now I’m not trying to flirt or start an instant relationship but if you ever want to rant or punch someone, give me a call.  Just know you’ve got someone on your side who will really listen to you, be your punching bag, or even a shoulder to cry on and won’t complain at all. Hope to see you around the school, or just reach me here.

XXX-XXX-XXXX

Eddie aka Michael Myers #9

He even drew little devil horns around his name.  I smiled and folded the note and put it in my flannel pocket over my heart.  I grabbed my book and headed off to my trig class with a slight pep in my step.

[barbiebuttnaked]

Boring, lame 😒 TikTok Colors on tumblr ! , having Fun trying to fossil ice 🧊 me, you think I’m a cold evil pampered fagget, that has no clue what to do ! Slaughter Daugther till it beats Emily Rose but Sucks at getting rape slapped abused not satisfying you only making more angry & hate me even more What a waste of life, I can’t believe this, the Bitch wants a boyfriend to deliver that reality to you guys, me actually getting fucked by Seus, isn’t that why you hate me & bother my family always, because they gather all together & literally taking my life, wanting I phone exculsive personal ass pictures his discoverying like now 2024 & sucks ripping himself off, videos all over social platforms to get the lier no one cares or believes me, saying I’m a boy like the famous puppet everyone makes fun of, guy are always stealing cops till convincing them to hate this people for every single thing, im flatted out insane right now picking at my nerves, finding new ways making me a stupid spazz lost stare, making a revenge fuck out me, abusing me till the last second by watching me thinking of capital and real hard attempt murder since my ass that no guy has fucked is still alive Gay guys are killing me, I’m good, using blue to wash there shame your to deep into killing me, you don’t love my dad & you make him hate me, you want us working for the rest of our life’s like slaves & begging for real pleasure making thank ful da only sens free water💧& snacks, calling us the drag the fossilized by maximum capacity! Not because im stupid as much as you want to add to your scoreboard off tweakers luckly you ran into Barbie, Revenge Seeking Dragon that knows how to activate feelings of failure letting everyone of the hook without even knowing it getting a sweet spray off bliss for sucking as a cop, killing my own self by crying for what being done to me, 2 birds one stone white gloat on Eugenio & revenge sex that only you know, I named you Eugene threw me he told you you are my son Eugenio my dad, lord where Good, I can make money rapping, I want to sing but I noticed there also stealing my voice everywhere,you let ppl have me on hold while getting away with life experience human murder, & I’m the brute well that was years ago they trying there hardest to make me senile really unable to defend my self always eating there tricks strategies to get me killed or arrested by other unlawful 2024 cops that’s only going to make me more of a rat & a tweaker, only fouces in killing me & studying how I make out alive from rebel cheating killers, that are also accusing me,trying to make a stomp out of me, making you think I’m a piece of shit devils trash that should go in the city dumpster not a house, I was already going threw hell due to ppl playing with my brain 🧠 everyone uses horrible trying to profit off acusaciones, murder & bribe saying I’m fake getting the last laugh they say that about me all the time rising gay guy’s in my face for the city to see that I do nothing & hated even more for not being a dirty little slut, making me the brown, green, dry tweaker famine disrespectful alien isolated pure white not hot Latino touch, only the meth driven Mexican sicario that doesn’t deserve a beer but rehab because he wants to kill & the beer is the false courage that make him chant disrespectful shit, that does nothing but self harm hasn’t actually killed him self it’s killed not suicide it’s direct impact that I can’t think, it just wants everything to stop, didn’t get a chance think of suicide must be emotion less to get the cheapest useless worthless kill leaving him a ugly gay meth user everyone can’t stand on seeing, his gone just another blood sucking loser so they say when I’m being abused & humiliated by teens especially White boys that enjoy hating E the actual friendly fuck , framed that frames people dose not try in life, miserable dying his ass off like Eugene, who is Eugenio it can’t get angry, Barbie pissed being placed, put, forced to be a useless unwanted slut that no likes ! There Blanking My mind it’s Stops my Thinking #blog

[mexicancherry]

Okey so i wanna tell this story about something i went thru with a person i met on here

This isnt a callout post nor something terrible happened it just kind of a weird experience

So... A few years ago, a mutual started dming me in here asking questions about myself and whatnot, we quickly started chatting more and getting more acquanted so i gave him my other social media (Instagram and Twitter)

He was a bisexual boy and i'm not gonna lie!!! I thought he was cute but i started noticing how he turned normal talks to sexual things very easily... Kind of boy who called other gay men "holes" and girls bitches etc

Didnt take it tooo seriously but was 👀 sketchy about the way he ended up asking me for nudes and stuff like that, the friendship went up that way for a moment until i got a boyfriend around that time so i told him i would be no longer partaking in sexting with him lmao

Anyway, a few months go by, we don't talk that often cause even tho i was serious about my statement he kind of kept insisting about the sexting and stuff so i was avoiding him all together

The day i blocked him on everywhere was when i posted a nice selfie of me on Instagram... He answered the story with a "okay now without a filter" wich Yea i was using a filter but nothing too altering like it was just some freckles and máscara or some dumb shit like that lmao

Looking back maybe it was stupid but i send him a video of me with my cute little outfit and my face without the filter

Next thing he answered me something i don't quite remember enough to quote but the jist of it all is that i think i got the feeling he called me ugly LMAO not i'm those words but i got upset and felt like it was really uncalled for since not thaat long ago he was asking for my ass? I blocked him on everything and moved on with my life ... End

[daringdoombringer]

I’ve come up with a remarkably stupid thing that’s so outrageous, it might just help me get my life together a little.

Ok so you know how when you were a little kid, your parents would probably tell you about some sort of boogeyman to scare you into going to bed on time, eating your vegetables, etc? Well I’ve decided to pull something similar with myself.

I have a bunch of alarms throughout the day that alert me when I have to do chores and such. But I’ve gotten into the habit of not attending to them immediately, or sometimes ignoring them altogether, usually when I’m in the middle of something.

So, I’ve subconsciously proposed this. If I do not drop what I’m doing and immediately attend to whatever task the alarm says, Hatsune Miku will manifest in my bedroom at 3:AM. I know, sounds crazy. And it is.

But let me tell you this, if subconsciously threatening myself with a robotic internet pop star is what gets me to get up, do my chores, and have some semblance of routine, then that’s what I’m gonna do.

Some of you are probably thinking, why Hatsune Miku? Why not a character you really hate? Well Junko Enoshima was almost a candidate for this, I absolutely despise her guts and certainly wouldn’t want her even a hundred feet within my vicinity. But here’s the thing: *i somehow see Hatsune Miku as more threatening than her.* Sure, Junko Enoshima destroyed her world and shit and killed all our favorite gay teenagers. But I kinda see Hatsune Miku as our world’s closest thing to an omnipotent eldrich horror. Most, if not all people have at least heard of her. She’s everywhere a screen or speaker is. Miku is a program, a robot, an omnipresent concept. Wherever there’s wifi, you bet your ass she’s hiding in it, she said it herself. Junko’s just some bitch who plunged her world into despair and got murked by the power of ✨hope✨ thank you very much Makoto Naiegi. But Miku cannot die. She’s purely an internet program, as long as the internet lives, she lives.

And that my friends, is why I’ve chosen Hatsune Miku as my personal boogieman.

This system goes into affect tomorrow.

[whysojiminimnida]

I Got Tea Spilled On Me (TL;DR) ft. Kev, X, AND ME ON SOME BULLSHIT and People Who Know Things

DISCLAIMER: this entire post was drafted on at least two different dates and IT IS A WHOLE MESS OF OPIATES and so dates, times, even events are probably mixed up like an overshaken martini. I apologize. LET'S READ MY HORRIBLE BRAIN NOW: I got tea spilled on me and I was not gonna mention it. See, confidentiality is a thing, as is privacy, and I have been in the midst of cancer-y type major surgery and on SUPER DRUGS so I felt it unwise. Believe me when I say I was unwise to the tune of many purchased items, so I hadda keep my trap shut. (I may still be on drugs at the time of this writing I didn't expect so many drugs. Be patient with me plskthx) KEVIN CAME TO SEE ME Y'ALL! Bitch flew over here and took a couple days to come give me ALL THE HUGS and ALL THE KISSES and can I just say that he is quite frankly super-ass annoying when he's being Gay Oppa. We think Jungkook has a hyung kink? NO THIS GUY OMG SO MUCH TESTOSTERONE STOPPP ANYWAY

We have decided "Jiminesque" is my new favorite adjective. BUT YOU DON'T CARE YOU ARE HERE FOR TEA AND I'MMA GIVE YOU SOME I WROTE THE FOLLOWING A FEW WEEKS AGO LET ME LIVE:

So okay. We know there was a recent Hobi JITB party but what you did not know was X was there and Knows Things and so I was like "give me all the gossip" and he was drunkish and feeling kindly so. Here's what I HEARD but this is a no sources no receipts household WRITE THAT DOWN AND REMEMBER IT

Also I am currently high as shit on legal drugs because doctors be doctoring and then I'll be high for like a week in a few days because ya girl is coming home from the hospital with a morphine pump PRAY FOR ME ANYWAY it went like this:

Jungkook was fairly drunk. I mean this goes without saying, everyone was drunk, some of y'all have seen the guy who was literally pouring what might have been decent bourbon down his own throat straight from the bar, you do the math. But Koo was having a Good Time. Jimin drank more but got less hammered. I feel like it usually goes down like that, Jimin seems to have a shark's liver or something. He got the good booze gene and JeiKei got the gene for holy water sweat.

Please remember that in Korea, this is not unusual or even undesirable behavior. It's just how they do things, there. Unclench, if need be. Drop the pearls, Mildred, it's fine.

Everyone had fun except Yoongi who wasn't there obviously.

The Jeon-Parks did arrive together, although they entered the party slightly seperately. It's hard to explain but I guess everyone got styled at work at the same time but didn't all go into the room at the same time? Anyway, once they were in the same room it was all bets off and they stayed in each other's orbit, Satellite Jeon in full effect. X called it "business manners but also not entirely business", whatever the hell that means.

As nearly as I can tell, that means that they tried to stay in their own space and, um, failed. I feel like this is probably true based on the pics I saw. But what about that bit in the corner though, I asked, and I was told

That it was definitely a bit of an intimate moment but it was totally not the only one. It just happened to be caught on camera and SO DID SOME OTHER MOMENTS WE HAVEN'T SEEN YET. Because let's be honest, cameras everywhere. But this one: Jungkook walked up as Jimin was talking and working on about his severalth glass of champagne and Koo just not even bothered slid his hand right where it goes, I guess, onto Jimin's waist and leaned in to talk to his man like it wasn't a thing. And nobody in the room blinked BECAUSE THIS IS NORMAL.

So I go, SO "you're telling me that the Jeon Parks are not exactly hiding things anymore" and X GOES LIKE THIS

"THEY DON'T NEED TO HIDE AROUND THEIR FRIENDS, SILLY" and "literally most of the guest list already knows this, it's not like a super secret in the industry, DUH"

Well FINE just tell me what we already knew then Xie DAMN So I go 'but Eunwoo" and X just shut my ass DOWN.

"This is normal skinship, GOD YOU PEOPLE" the bitch you peopled me and that is mean. Kevin told me to "stop being so white jagi-ah" LIKE HOW but FINE it's all good, we talk like this to each other.

THEY HAD ARSON CANDLES KIDS. ARSON. CANDLES. So I asked about the Taekook vibe and, like, there were a few friendly moments at the party:

But beyond what one could possibly rudely refer to as *choke* fanservice for the cameras, there was very little maknae line interaction on the evening in question. Now the way X put it (he didn't say fanservice that was all me) it sounded kinda sus and I said as much. And it's... Apparently, kids, Taehyung has a (GASP) girlfriend?? FOR REAL. And she's famous (but not at the party tho) and she has been the subject of rumors as recently as May. And it is, also a total rumor, fairly serious. So between that and the reported data that Tae has been a little bit of a little shit where the Jeon-Park household is concerned, there was a touch of freeze happening at this party. Which was noticeable because usually Jimin and Tae are pretty tight regardless, but not on this night. I have no receipts for this -- it could be bullshit -- but the way X was talking I think it's worth watching anyway. MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT IDK IDK I'M NOT POSTING THIS ANYWAY I AM NOT A TAE ANTI I LOVE HIM I WANT HIS SURPRISINGLY HETERO ASS TO BE HAPPY LET HIM LIVE HAPPILY AND GET OFF MY DICK OKAY (Psst look at the girlfriend):

I'm not the first person to mention it, either. They've apparently been a thing since before the LA concerts is all I'm saying.

ANYWAY WHERE WAS I So Jimin and Jungkook were hanging out with their friends, and holding hands in corners and kinda being boyfies but they got noticed a bit and told to CHILL BRO so they chill bro'd. X says they had a pretty good time even with the orbiting and it was a really good party. Jimin was VERY popular. Lots of selfies with the hoi polloi.

SO I GO "But but but what about Hobi? IT WAS HIS DAMN PARTY. AND WHO THE HELL IS IRENE KIM ANYWAY"

"Oh Irene's great, they're besties, they hang out" SO I GO "You sure that's all it is because your girl looks happy" and he goes "They're honestly just buds. She's like his you if Hobi was a bisexual Kev" and, well, okay. That makes perfect sense to me. WAIT. BACK UP. SAY AGAIN. HOBI'S OPENLY BISEXUAL? "Hobi's always been bisexual, jeezus. Calm down, this is not exactly new information," says Man With Apparently Normal Information I Do Not Have Access To On A Usual Day. Like we all been knew I guess but I don't know how to function with an actual man on the inside. SHUT UP I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. THAT'S IT I AM DONE I CAN'T BE HERE ANYMORE. I'll see y'all when I'm actually allowed to speak on things.

[trixree]

IM MIDWAY THROUGH SEASON 3 NOW HERE'S MORE OF MY THOUGHTS

post-blinding Kanan is actually such a glow up from sighted Kanan, tbh. Once again proving that disability makes you sexier. Maul did him a favor!!!! Rex totally gave him the jaig eyes, btw

that whole s2 finale with Maul pretending to be a Frail Old Man to win Ezra's favor was so goddamn funny. hobbling around like "oh woe is me :( can't open this door :( without an apprentice :(:(:(" he's so goddamn dramatic

AHSOKAAAAA SOBBING WAILING BANGING MY FISTS AGAINST THE WALL

I am a Kallus/Garazeb shipper. They fucked on that moon. If they did NOT fuck on that moon, that also makes sense because it left Kallus Gagging For It bad enough that he turned coat. Kallus needs that lasat dick as badly as he needs professional therapy. That episode should have been titled "de-radicalizing my imperial enemy by giving him a size kink"

I bet Zeb and Rex are so fucking fun to hang out with. I bet they drink shitty space beers and watch space sport broadcasts together. Their bond as warriors is so strong and manly I'd die for them

The arc with the two holocrons was so fucking funny to me that the next 5 bullet points are all about different parts Maul's Big Gay Meltdown. Beginning with when he marched Kanan out the airlock. "You tried to kill me last time" "if at first you don't succeed, try try again" BITCH YOU ARE SO CUNTY WHO TAUGHT YOU TO BE LIKE THAT

The fact that Maul did not even wait 0.2 seconds after his and Ezra's holocron vision group call before SPRITING to his ship for OBI WAN 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ girl you do NOT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING 💀💀💀💀 SLOW DOWN

The fact that Maul then later has to call Ezra back because oh yeah, he doesn't actually know where Obes is 💀💀💀 and the fact that he "calls Ezra back" by materializing as a sulking hallucination strutting in the background and whispering ominously is SO GODDAMN FUNNY YOU DRAMATIC ASS BITCH

When Kanan and Ezra are like "Bendu!! How do I stop seeing Maul everywhere?" And bendu is like "don't turn around lol" and Maul is just 🧍 right there

I AM LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD IM CACKLING IM CRYING LOOK AT HIS LITTLE PEPE SILVIA CORK BOARD!!!! WHY DOES EVERYTHING LOOK LIKE IT'S WRITTEN IN BLOOD??? WHY IS HE SO ADAMANT EZRA NOT TOUCH ANYTHING???? BABE IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT IN HERE YOU LIVE LIKE THIS????

My partner pointed out the tile portrait of Satine that Maul presumably RIPPED OUT OF A WALL just to take to his cave and SCRIBBLE ALL OVER IT WITH VIOLENCE and he was like "that's so silly, why would he do that" and I said simply "it was a good day for him"

KALLUS BEING FULCRUM IS SO FUNNY I LOVE THAT FOR HIM!!! GO YOU FRUITY LITTLE BOTTOM, GO!!!!!

The last episode I watched was the 2 part Geonosis bit with Saw Gerrera and the last Geonosian egg and Klick-Klack. If Saw Gerrera has no enemies, I am dead. Fuck that guy, Klick-Klack was SO CUTE and he was SUCH AN ASSHOLE

On season 2 of Star Wars Rebels for the very first time. Here are my very important and original takes:

Hera is Mother.

Kanan is the dad with Baggage who doesn't quite know how to Bond with his Boy but he's trying really hard!! He's trying SO hard!!! (It's really hard to watch)

Kanan is probably always asking Ezra if he wants to play ball out back. No Kanan, he wants to shoot guns and steal a tie fighter. He does not want to toss around the ball with you.

Zeb, Ezra, and Chopper have the vibes of a trio of brothers that operate under Gallagher rules. Their space tiktoks are probably fucking insufferable. Nothing but prank videos all around. Chopper's pranks are all questionably legal

Sabine is their cool lesbian sister of the family. I want the world for her. Everytime she's in a combat scene I shout "MANDOS CARRY" at my partner until we both devolve into chanting it

Chopper has killed for sport and enjoyed it. He will kill again

Rex is the fun uncle that tells Ezra all the graphic Clone War stories he wants and let's him try a sip of his space moonshine because he thinks it will be funny when Ezra does a violent spit-take. (He's right and it's hilarious).

Hera LOVES Rex, he reminds her of her childhood in a Good Way, and this gives Kanan hives because of his Trauma. He is always spying on them in painfully obvious ways when all they're doing is like. Playing that holochess thingie and shooting the shit about the Clone Wars.

I know Maul shows up eventually and I am so fucking excited for what he is going to add to this dynamic

[flautistsandpeonies]

AITA For Sticking Up For My Mother Against My Father and Foster Sibling?

Alternative title: The Grandmaster of Assholes

You can also read this on my Wordpress.

Tags: Not For JC Fans, JC Canon Characteristics, JC Canon Homophobia, JC Canon Misogyny, Not For Madam Yu Fans, Madam Yu Canon Characteristics, Alternate Universe: Modern AU, a slight attempt at humor for me

Word Length: 2,757

Time to Read: 16 Minutes

Chapter Summary: Jiang Cheng posts on the AITA Reddit

Right, so last week I (22M) got into a fist fight with my foster sibling (22M) after my father (52M) called him and told him to come back to our house. The bastard ended up breaking my arm, and now I have to wear a cast for an entire month. My mother (52F) and father are now arguing about my mom taking legal action against him.

Some context:

My foster brother has always been an annoying and tedious ass. He always loves causing trouble and trying to show me up cause he was born into a poor, nomadic family and I was born quite wealthy. My dad brought him into our home thirteen years ago after his parents died in some car crash or something, I don’t care to remember, and his parents had my father as a guardian on his papers since they were both orphans.

My dad has never loved me, and has always favored my foster brother. He spent more time with my brother when we were young, taking him to what he claimed was physical therapy but I knew he just wanted to spend some alone time with him. On the contrast, my father rarely even looks at me, and if we are near each other he’s scolding me over something I have no control over- like being like my mother or not doing everything “like the family motto”.

My father has also never loved my mother. They got together in an arranged marriage (I don’t want any comments about how “traditional” and “old school” it was, mind your damn business) and my father has never given my mother the time of day. Despite having two kids with her (I have an sister (25F), they don’t even sleep in the same wing of the mansion and don’t spend any time together.

Anyway, my mom threw my foster brother out when we were seventeen after he stole first place in a contest from me. It was a special event held by our mutual family vocations and I was the only heir to not get a prize; he just had to show me up in front of everybody, again!

The son of a bitch was so full of himself that instead of waiting until my father got home that night to let him inside, he took a bus a few towns over to go stay with his friend (Wen Ping or something). Serves him right though, cause my mom had the locks changed the next day.

After that, my dad got so angry with my mom, saying that one of his colleagues, who we’ll call WRH threatened to go to the media about our family abusing 🙄🙄🙄 my foster brother if my dad didn’t sign guardianship over to him. My parents fought for such a long time over that, it was even worse than the normal fights my brother caused. It got so bad that my sister left the house to stay with her fiance’s family.

In the end, my father did end up signing guardianship over to WRH, and you would think that my life would get better after that, but no, it got worse!

When my foster brother started living with WRH he started to show up everywhere in our family’s social circles for academic rewards and flute recitals. It was like WRH had adopted him as his son or some shit; it was ridiculous.

My mom was so angry cause my foster brother was clearly trying to show me up again, cause my father wouldn’t dare showcase my achievements like that and he knew it.

Back to the present. My father claimed that he called my foster brother here after all these years to get his shit that my father refused to allow my mother to throw away- seriously, his trash has just been sitting in a room all these years collecting dust- now that he was getting married to his fiance and moving in with him. (I had no idea the man was gay, ugh.)

I know that had to be a lie though cause I have a big event coming up that I prepared a speech for, and my foster brother is going to be present as his fiance’s plus one. (Blergh). My father had read over my speech, and told me it was “too confrontational and lacking regard for the other familys’ beliefs and history”. (I told you he never approved of me.)

Anyway, my mom and I caught them red-handed after we came back from shopping for new suits for the event. My foster brother was on the front lawn with a woman we’ll call WQ and Wen Ping loading his trash into a moving van. My dad was handing him a file box, and I knew it had to have all my speeches and work plans in it.

My mom knew too and started arguing with my father about trying to sabotage me again. My father, as usual, denied it, and even raised his voice at her. She started going in on my foster brother as well. However, my foster brother had learned to disrespect my mother from somewhere (I’m betting it was WRH) and was talking back to her saying that she “had no power over him anymore.” and “wasn’t worth his time”.

I fucking lost it and tackled him then and there. We ended up tussling all the way into the front yard’s fountain and he broke my arm over the statue. I remember almost fucking drowning while that son of a bitch took everything and left.

My mom was so fucking pissed she’s going to take him to court for robbery and assault. I’d like to see WRH get him out of that.

So, that’s all that happened. I’m having my room’s maid type this for me as it is, but I really need her to get back to work. I don’t really care about comments; I already know I was in the right in this situation, I just needed somewhere to vent really.

...

Comments:

That-One-Lizard: Wait, so your mom threw your foster brother out of the house when he was 17? For winning a competition??? -Original Poster: He wasn’t supposed to win. It should have been my trophy, but he got in the way. Weren’t you paying attention? --That-One-Lizard: Dude.....he was 17...... ---Original Poster: And? I mean he was honestly lucky she didn’t beat him with the family’s discipline whip; that’s what she normally does when he shows me up. She was just tired after a long night and didn’t want to deal with him. ----That-One-Lizard: .........No comment......... ----Angel-Food-Cake: What the fuck...... ----Chicken-Elizabeth-Nugget: What the fuck is a discipline whip? Do I even want to know? -----Original Poster: Are you two stupid or something? A discipline whip is exactly what it’s called, a whip for disciplining unruly and traitorous people. ------Angel-Food-Cake: WRH shouldn’t have gone to the media, he should have gone to the police. What the absolute fuck, no wonder he didn’t come back home! Your mother’s a crazy fucking bitch, who does that to a child??!! -------Original Poster: Fuck you!!! How dare you insult my mother!!! --------Chicken-Elizabeth-Nugget : I realize now why your father doesn’t like her. (Click here to continue thread)

Broccoli-Bandit: Gonna need a little bit more context about the foster brother before I can decide. -Original Poster: What more do you need to know?? He ruined my life!!! Broccoli-Bandit: You said he liked causing trouble? --Original Poster: He loves to act like he’s so charitable and shit, like he wasn’t using my family’s money. One time, he even gave his entire allowance away to a beggar woman on the streets and my dad dipped into his own monthly budget to give him more. My parents fought for three days. ---Broccoli-Bandit: ........What the fuck? So he’s a normal human being?? ----Original Poster: What’s normal about wasting money? Also, he was always getting into fights with other men trying to get with women, just so he could be some knight type of character. (Click here to continue thread)

All-Around-Me: You are definitely the asshole for your homophobia alone. -Original Poster: Are you fucking serious? That shit is not normal; what normal person wants to have sex with another man? --All-Around-Me: You’re disgusting. ---Original Poster: Disgusting my ass! My foster brother’s the one that disgusting; it’s like he got possessed or something. I swear he’s not so much as looked at another man in my presence. ----All-Around-Me: Probably cause you’re a homophobic piece of shit??? (Click here to continue thread)

ChaoChao: NTA, that street rat should have known better than to come into better people’s homes and steal fathers’ affection from the blood children. I can’t imagine what the two sons of WRH went through in his household after he came there. -Original Poster: How do you know WRH has two sons? --ChaoChao: None of your fucking business, just take my opinion.

Bi-the-Bi: I feel like the sections about the foster brother are intentionally vague. -Original Poster: What the fuck do you mean vague? I told you everything you need to know! --Bi-the-Bi: You’re just constantly calling him an asshole, and claiming to know all his intentions? The only thing he’s done that we know of is leave after your mom kicked him out (nice mom by the way *sarcasm*) and defended himself after you attacked him. ---Original Poster: I told you he was trying to steal my work. And don’t you dare insult my mother!!! ---- Bi-the-Bi : No, you said you “knew”, which doesn’t immediately mean you were right. That could have been his birth certificate or something, awards from school since you say he was so smart. (Click here to continue thread)

Load More Comments (256)

...

Edit:

Okay, since some people brains can’t seem to function properly I guess I have to give you my entire life story for you to understand “the whole story”.

I (22M) was born to JFM (52M) and YZY (52F). They had JYL (25F) three years before me. My parents were arranged to marry by my mother’s request. Even then my father couldn’t recognize what a woman my mother was and did his best not to marry her, however my grandfathers banded together to make the marriage happen.

My father always made family life hard even before my foster brother got there. He never gave me or my mother attention, claiming that because my mother refused to take on the duties as the house’s madam he had to run both his position and her’s. Instead of supporting my mother’s endeavors, he spoke against her and my mother started going out of the house even more than usual to the point where I only see her for a couple of weeks a month.

Things got even worse when my foster brother (22M) got there. Like I said, his parents died and my father picked him up. My father started spending a lot of time with him. “Doctor appointments” for his legs after the accident, my father claimed, but my mother always showed me the receipts for the hunan restaurants he always took him to on those days.

My foster brother always loved to show me up. He did everything he could to have better grades than me, look better than me, have more friends than me, anything he could think of, he did it. Everyone always fell for his good-boy shtick; everyone, except for me and my mother.

My mother knew that my foster brother was likely my half-brother. His mother was apparently a real whore and got around with a lot of men before she married my dad’s butler and took off. My mother thinks that since my foster brother is only five days older than me, she must’ve snuck back into our home to sleep with my dad when my mom was out one day. My father once got a paternity test, but he paid the doctor off to skew the results to hide the truth.

My father denies that my foster brother is actually my half-brother, but he shows it in how he treats us. He hates my mother, so he hates me, but he loved his mother, so he loves him. Whatever I do can never seem to please him, but my brother can apparently paint a banner with our families crest and motto and my father hangs it up for all to see.

My mother does not tolerate my brother. Whenever he does something foolish or other deserving of punishment, she deals with him the only way she knows how. She has to use physical punish so he’ll learn, and she makes him sleep outside so he’ll remember his place- a half breed will never be allowed to inherit.

Anyway, things came to a head at one of our mutual family conference five years ago. Now that I think about it was WRH’s conference; I bet he set it up for my foster brother to get ahead of me! My foster brother/half-brother stole my trophy from me in front of our entire social circle and embarrassed me in in front of all of my peers.

My father had to stay behind to sort out some matter, and my mother, sister, and I went home. My mom threw my brother out for what he did to me and I took back my trophy from him while he picked himself up out of the lotus pond. We locked the door after that and went to bed. The next morning, my father was looking for him (figures), but we couldn’t find him.

A week later my father up getting a call from WRH’s secretary. My foster/half brother apparently went to his niece’s WQ house and was staying there for the time being. He wanted my father to sign over guardianship of my foster/half brother lest “our reputation be damaged”. My father blamed my mother for everything and they fought again.

My father ended up signing the guardianship over, and that should have been it. My life should have gotten better without him there to ruin it. But, as he was determined to make my life a living hell, he did all he could to put his name out there. I can’t imagine how much money WRH wasted on him. I spent five years continuing to live in his shadow.

It came to a head again just last week. Like I said before, my father was trying to sabotage my speech, giving my foster/half brother a heads up. I knew that if he read my speech he would probably say something to one up me at the conference. My mother knew it too, that’s why she said something. How could I have just stood there while my father and that bastard disrespected her in her own home? I did what I had to do and that son of a bitch broke my arm, so now I’ll see him in court.

Now that I’ve laid the story out more plainly for you will you people stop acting like my foster/half brother is some sort of helpless victim?

...

Comments:

I-Hate-Sabers: ....I’m going to ruin your life. I’m going to ruin your mother’s life. You two are going to wish she never left Meishan. -Original Poster: Who the fuck do you think you are? -Original Poster: Answer me you son of a bitch! -Original Poster: Probably another pussy who’s all talk over the computer but pisses themselves when ordering food.

Emperor-of-the-Smile: Definitely The Asshole. I don’t know what’s funnier: the fact that this piece of shit thinks he’s in the right or the fact that he thinks if he talks more about how he and his mother treated his foster brother like shit we’ll start agreeing with him. -All-Around-Me: I think it’s that he thinks he’s in the right. -Chicken-Elizabeth-Nugget: I think it’s how he’s so far up his own ass he can’t see or smell anything but himself. --Original Poster: Fuck all of you. I put this on here to vent about my frustrations, but you’re making shit up about me that’s not true. (Click here to continue thread)

ChaoChao: Still NTA, am I supposed to feel sympathy for some slutty woman’s orphan son. I mean look at all the trouble he cause people in his life! -First-Born-Sun: Chao-er, shut the fuck up.The only person in our household who doesn’t like Ying-er is you. --ChaoChao: I thought you said reddit was beneath you? ---First-Born-Sun: Not when someone I actually like and respect is mentioned. ----ChaoChao: You just like him cause you want to fuck him!!! -----First-Born-Sun: And? ------Original Poster: Who are you people?!

Plum-Soup: Definitely the Asshole. I don’t know who I feel for more. The father trapped in this abusive arranged marriage, or the foster brother who went from one traumatic situation to the next. -Original Poster: Why should you feel for them at all? My mother and I are the victims here!!! --Plum-Soup: Get help, asshole. (Click here to continue thread)

Lady-Mai: The asshole. Homophobic? Check. Misogynistic? Check. Abusive as all fuck? There’s not enough paper in the world to check this off. -Original Poster: Go fuck yourself!

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Author’s Notes:

Hope you all enjoyed. I’ve never actually been on reddit before and the only posts I’ve seen from it are on tumblr. Hope I did a good job!

Read the Next Chapter

Read My Other Prompts and WIPs [Here]

[our-reality]

ok if i don’t ask i’m going to go insane forever. GRABS YOU . TELL ME ABOUT THESE GAY LITTLE OCS

UAAHWBABSNENSBFNSNGBDNDBFMSDBRB FUCK OKAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

might throw up forever trying to formulate this in a. coherent way but I'LL TRY !!!!!!!!!!

ok uhehdhrjtkg i currently have 7 named ocs, those being ruby, java, python, swift, c+, vysel, and requiem. yes ik the first five are named after programming languages it doesn't mean anything though HEJSBRJSJFJDKGNG uh. i will try to be brief with them because i could honestly sit here forever talking about them and i actually wanna answer this ask so. L

uuhhshdhdhb first up is ruby!!!! she's like. the main character. along with java :3 she's very very sweet and makes friends w pretty much anyone (in fact 2 of her 3 best friends at the moment are people she literally found on the street and was like you. me. friends. NOW) she cares so much and she has so much compassion but she wears her heart out on her sleeve all the time and she. I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE'S EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEEEE

and w her is java !! java's like. the co-main character and she's very lowkey, esp next to ruby LOL she's also ever so slightly bitchy and blunt sometimes but i promise it's the autism and the Troubled Childhood you gotta believe me . she is also very gay for women and is absolutely pining over ruby <333333 (they get together by the end though so it's okay LOVE WINS 🎉🎉🎉)

uhhhhhh next is python and he's an asshole forever . but real talk it's the assigned funnyman of the group but in the condescending n annoying way but IT'S A FACADE he actually cares so much about its friends forever and can be mature and wise when he needs to but it BURIES its FEELINGS in SARCASM!!!!!!!! (and maybe violence) also he's 8'3" cuz suprise it was a god at one point who forfeited its god powers to be a human . that's also why his eyes n teeth r bright yellow and he has strange markings everywhere lol oops

and next is swift !!!!!! sky's the dogsitter of the entire universe good for them LMAO she's still a god and used to be work partners/best friends w python before he fucking Left but let's not worry about that <333333 anyways she's very calm and elegant and they always put the interests of others before skyself whcih . uh . can be a good or bad trait depending on how you look at it but sky's trying SO HARD leave them alone . also they like to be alone a lot and they would play the flute and read books if skies role in the universe allowed them to have Hobbies

next is c+!! that's not his actual name i promise it's a nickname because he doesn't like ppl knowing his actual name . he's definitely the least plot relevant of the seven but he's still so silly 2 me <3 he's that character trope of a guy who's somehow done Everything and worked Every Job Ever but can't hold down any of them so he just pulls random anecdotes about his internship at NASA out his ass and no one believes him (least of all his good buddy java) but he also has a lot going on under the surface . which is preddy neat :3c

then there's vysel. i hate him so much. blond hair blue eyes son of a bitch . he's a former swing turned alt rock artist who got popular for being hot and shippable i guess . also he's a reanimated corpse piloted by evil spirits but shhhh no one knows that (though it would probably add to his sex appeal if ppl did know . so.) he's like the biggest bitch forever and ever he is very celebritycore mentally i'm ripping him apart with my teeth . he uses his visual illusion powers TO GIVE HIMSELF BLOND HAIR BLUE EYES WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uhhh and then finally requiem !!!!!! they're very socially closed off and hates talking to like. Anyone and Everyone. including their parents i mean what . they wear fucking only black and white clothing and their hair is Also black and white and it's like bro get a better wardrobe got DAMN!!!!!!!@!@@!@@!! they don't really become relevant until the "second season" because i like to think of my own story as like. a tv show . because i'm just like that but when they do they become VERY important cuz they're kinda the whole reason ruby and java were involved in this story . the narrative plagues their being with every second that they breathe. they will never be free.

UHHH YAH THAT'S MAINLY PERSONALITY WISE because if i sat talking about their roles in the story or their relationships with each other past the surface level or god forbid their backstories i'd be here for 8 billion years so. YIPPEE ^_^

[problematicpervertpod]

recs on recs on recs

Yaoi/Manga I’m reading/have read. Please support the artists on official websites. If you have recs or want to chat about any of these get in my messages right the fuck now my dudes. Also spoilers, also this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, also I think I’m funny sorry in advance.

Dangerous Convenience Store

Tags: Ongoing, self aware lead for the most part, gangs, smut, love triangle, possessive, not rapey, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, college, age gap, good art, muscular bodies, seme is adorable/romantic in sp chapters, sexual awakening, meeting the gang (in two ways!), FAINTS OF CUTENESS/HOTNESS, the memes after every chapter got me gagged, HAHE hahahahahahahahahaha, OMG DO I GET SOME CNC?! (update: short lived), we stan a vocal man (Ahjussi), thigh fucking, my mans be like my thighs hurt fuck my ass instead DECEASED, ass smacking, these memes are so good god damnit, rimming

8/10, I live for Ahjussi (Am I spelling this wrong..)

The New Employee 

-love love love

Tags: ongoing, we stan supportive boyfriends, healthy relationship, boss/employee, smut, office setting, good art, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Love Shuttle

Tags: completed, ABO, enemies to lovers, possessive, coworkers, fake relationship, strong omega, the art sucks but I like the story, art gets better after the 1st season, alphas eyes change colors when happy/anxious, muscular bodies, 7/10, update 10/10 art is meh but fml this storyline is basic af in the best way and it’s the fluff/smut I need, when you’re caught by the folks *cringe*

Hold Me Tight

Tags: ongoing, boss/employee, bodyguard, gio can’t feel heat until felix comes along, uke is strong af, horny bastards, smut, possessive, tragic childhood, moving in together right away, rich seme, felix in a bunny costume though *heart eyes*, dialogue is great, rape in a technical sense but the vibe is written like both characters are all good after? Ex. hospital scene…dub con, ART IS GREAT, hand holding during sex, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Yours to Claim 

Tags: ongoing, love triangle, Dom/sub dynamics, smut, main is big switch energy, reincarnation, jealousy, manipulative, possessive, self aware lead for the most part, toxic af, GREAT ART, college, rich semes, 10/10 will re-read and not even finished, SONOFABITCH that cliff hanger!! Season 3 come thruuuu (I have to wait until November? *cries* BUT MAH LOVE TRIANGLE!!, I want a THROUPLE GOD DAMN IT

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Tags: obsessed with this story, will the incense burner scenes make it?? No tags because I'll never forget this one haha wangxian 5ever, send me all fanfics/fan art you have about this story, love Dark Wangji, Jadecest, ABO/omegaverse, Bottom Wangji/Top Wei Ying, and honestly anything regarding this fandom

Bj Alex

Tags: completed, great art, 11/10 will re-read, cam boy, fanboy, seme is an asshole, uke is so sexy, jealously, rich seme, enemies to lovers kind of?, CHANWOO IS MY BOY FOR LIFE, Chanwoo MD supremacy, BDSM (like really really), fuck I love Chanwoo, college students, rich seme, emotional rollercoaster, uke soft body, mean seme, college life, that one nosy bitch ass guy trying to expose my boys needs to fuck right off, seme split/fake personality, dub con 

Anti PT

Tags: ongoing, 11/10 re-readable, porn with feelings, love triangle, jealousy, attempted non-con, personal training wink wink, main love interest is actually the best, second male lead is a god damn creep, first time, smut, great art, sex addict/constantly horny uke, I WANT A HWI, 

Related: https://www.anime-planet.com/manga/anti-pt/recommendations 

Payback

Tags: ongoing, both are psychopaths tbh, revenge, gangs, uke sells himself to seme, violent seme, entertainment industry, brunette supremacy, what this motherfucker gonna do? hehe , great art, muscular bodies, dead dove do not eat, my mans must be GOOD looking/animal magnetism cause everyone losing their fucking minds, okay this is a comedy I’m dying, he tried to scare him with wanting to be a top but my psycho said REVERSEUNO BITCH I’M A VERSE (wait jk apparently *sigh*), anonymous masked sex (sad n’ kinky)

My Suha

Tags: ongoing, wow this gets dark, possessive af like holy shit, terrible people all around uke, rape, boss/employee, office politics/family politics, smut, characters that are punchable, dead dove do not eat, *velociraptor noises*, avoided this for a while but I’m back because nothing can be more emotionally devastating than Banana Fish, TIE HIM UP, FUCK HIS FACE ALKSJD:ASKD, FUCK SUHA UR SO HOT that dirty talk though YAS, glad I picked this back up lmao, GOD DAMN IT just when the package arrived then this red head fucker *screams*

Shame Application aka Dirty Vibration

Tags: completed, friends to lovers, model seme, cute af uke, love triangle, entertainment industry, smut, kink, all kinds of sex everywhere, realized feelings, mutual pining, jealousy, rich seme, blonde seme, big brother 1984 always watching, 10/10 would re-read, porn with plot, they were roommates!, ~straight~ seme, first times, great art, remembering some cringe but considering the story it’s par for the course

Will You Subscribe

Tags: ongoing, season 1 completed, enemies to lovers, cam boy, office politics, boss/employee, hiding a secret, public sex, stalkers/creepy men, emotionally stunted characters, mutual pining, idiots in lust, lingerie company, slut shaming, jealousy/possessiveness, season 2 bebeh, HOLDING HANDS *velociraptor noises*, LMAO okay my mans is not THAT old how tf does he not know netflix and chill, BUNNY COSTUME (quickly becoming my new fav trope in manga, A+ gang), oh we stan a good boy, wtf is wrong with wanting to do cam work, ‘I wish my marks could become permanent’ *omegaverse wink*, *works for lingerie company* *doesn’t understand where bf gets sexy costumes* like wut kind of fuckery…, cross dressing ftw, roleplay, classic BL miscommunication trope

Hyperventilation

Tags: completed, high school crush, unrequited love, mutual pining, smut, quickie (short story), class reunion, apparently furry with the extra chapter turning my man into a bunny but c'est la vie! https://myreadingmanga.info/korean-bl-animation-hyperventilation-engsub/ this is the animation of the same story, different endings but same in tone (this site is spammy AF but the English subs are so hard to find for this) 8/10 

Unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante

Tags: only one bed, ABO, office setting. Coworkers, enemies to lovers, competitive, equality in the omegaverse, dubcon, real dicks and not lightsabers, fated pair, art is cute af 8/10

K’s Secret

Tags: buckle up buttercup, dead dove do not eat, angst, pining, somnophilia, dub con, non con, boss/employee, manipulative, stalking, forced relationship, tragic childhood background, weird art but gets better,  uke: don’t threaten me with a good time but seriously stop threatening me, possessive & obsessive, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, wow were going full psycho stalker hm?, dating a narcissist is all fun and (mind)games, con non con… ? honestly who tf knows, domestic!, OW MY HEART, the t/n WAP note sent me, ch 51 translated by gen z, do special ep= furry? Wait there’s a maid costume, bunny costume, directors friends keeping it real, rough translations 8/10

Enthusiasm

Tags: ongoing, dead dove do not eat, uke buys seme, masc boys, muscular bodies, fight club, master/slave, rich uke, revenge, real dicks not lightsabers, rough sex, cuckholding, daddy issues, suicide, wow the end of ch 5 punched a hole in my heart, penile implant life,  rough translations makes the storyline wonky, nvm back to lightsabers *star wars noises*, HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY I CAN NOT, shibari, possessive, wait this is cute *velociraptor noises*, angst, no kithes for you “bestie”, OBSESSED, honestly choke him pupper, STAY THE NIGHT ALKSDJA:SLDKJAS:LKDJA:SLDKj, problematic but I’m riding for these two, 

Ichimai Goshi Fetish

Tags: completed, short, fetishes DO start in childhood don’t they *ruminates*, author: describes ML as a beautiful 2D character meanwhile: ML IS 2D character, fellas is it gay to kiss the homies?, “real dudes don’t interest me” is a MOOD, comedy, jealousy, college setting, dialogue is A+, not lightsabers but not dicks either, first time, when you’re fucked so good you think you’ve died, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4uEq5Nx6ko, hero/villain roleplay. Fluff n smut 10/10

My Purrfect Boss

Tags: completed, tooth rotting fluff because blondie is so FUCKING cute little sensitive soul, golden retriever boyfriend, pure comedy, DECEASED, MY MAN JUST DID THE SLOW BLINK, office setting, boss/employee, ~wasted~ (red dead redemption meme),  FFS SO CUTE, he put a ring on it right away beyonce would be proud af, he protecc he attack but most importantly he hit it from the back, jealousy, honeymoon phase of dating, the ex is a snake (update: oh wow literally), I’m picking up abuse/PTSD vibes based on how Kang reacts to his ex :(, classic BL miscommunication plot, immediately no meme audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XWSGfYnps) ,  I WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDER CHA WTF!!!!!!, gang rape, spiked with drugs that force heat, me rn:*screaming/rage*, psychotic ex/abuser, HE PROTECCC, actual relief after that scene jesus fuck, okay YES kings I see you, okay this is giving me cuteness aggression, hi yes I’d like to adopt a cat and a dog please 9/10

Following Namsoo to the Bathhouse

Tags: completed, same author as, “My Purrfect Boss”, A+ comedy once again, JUNIOR, gay awakening, “fap myself to death” DEAD, facial expressions are ridic, my minds telling me no but my body, my bodyyyy’s telling me yaaaaa, ya boy is literally losing his mind over this, actual lightsabers lmao, FLUFF, permasmile, 6969, THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO EAT RAMEN, dense gay, own your skin wtf okay hannibal calm down, everyone is officially cray,  ah I also am barfy when drunk, denial really is something hm, classic BL miscommunication plot, when people pleasing too far, happy ending 🥺🥰, side story: our crazy gets his very own crazy (ashton Kutcher from spread vibes), public sex, sex sparkle 9/10

Alien in my Closet

Tags: ongoing (maybe completed but def ongoing on the site I use), not rapey at all?? You’d think it’s impossible in this medium ffs, anti pt vibes, cute art, fluff ‘n smut, red head!!, they were roomates!, sex toys, bsdm, D/s (brat)dynamic or maybe owner/pet, bondage, *tiffany hadish voice* this is noiceeee, con humiliation/degradtion, SANTA CLAUS, edging, marking, one lotus please (he’s clearly read the 4 agreements and karma sutra), con non con, exhibitionism, the wrist thing stays on people, Katoptronophilia,  roleplay, is it stalking when you bring your friends?, lotus: welcome home cheater, the chin on the head thing gives me cuteness aggression, the twins are my favs, when ur crush vanilla af 😭, haesung: experiment on me daddy, no dick until halfway through/fingering supremacy, bedroom sessions has me gagged, voyeurism, wait they haven’t kissed this whole time I forgot (audio: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryley/video/6976701880277748997?lang=en), sunbae is sus, YES FINALLY A FUCKING SWITCH COUPLE AKJSDHALKSJDHASKLJDHALS KJDALKSJD (update: sort of), there’s a missed opportunity for an anal probe joke, damn it okay maybe sunbae is chill, 3 musketeers, my heart*implodes*, *velociraptor noises*, 12/10 would re-read such fluff my heart 

On Doorstep

Tags: completed, age gap, reese has ptsd, jimmy going from 0 to 100, jimmy really got down on his knees at work, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) deepest part you say, real dicks, ride him like a rodeo, quickie/short story, porn with plot

Gorani Jeon

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, no alpha though, animal hybrid, art is beautiful like it's drawn on paper not a screen, 40 inch weave yours came in a pack, historical (non-modern), lord send me a sexy man pls, the memes after each chapter are golden, taking the phrase licking wounds literally, is that an eggplant or are you just happy to see me hehe, ahhh so inhibitors do exist here, vertical 69, here lays Bau fucked to death by Ran, WHY HE TOUCHING MY MAN, these chickens are dope, stomp on his dick, that’s what I call a happy meal, fucked right out the front door I’M DEAD, mpreg, i need a tiger+mountain god spin off (whoops dad/son my bad), slice of life, cute fluff 8/10

Room to room

Tags: completed, college setting, A+ dialogue, absurd size difference, unrequited love,  sexsomina, dubcon, angst, death by a thousand cuts emotionally, insecurity, body envy, pining, friends to lovers, they were roommates!, homophobia, sexual assault, PTSD, gays in denial, the tattoo 🥺 ow my heart, truly this is 90% smut, “going from unrequited love to fwbs is shittier than I expected”, dowan *bad blood by t swift* when he sees garam, ch 22garam reminds me of my ex and that’s not a compliment, I’m not gay but my boyfriend is vibes, triflers need not apply, spanking, 😭😭😭😭😭 my heart hurts, is anyone getting a bit of a puppy play vibe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vni9ZWmDXis, handcuffs, lots of head we stan, dowan’s gotta a touch of a foot thing or maybe body worship thing, asdlfgkjs ;dlkfgjsd;flkgj;sdflkgj;sdlfgjs;d/gkdf SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE, roleplay. They broke the bed no use of crying over spilled milk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), side stories delivering man in uniform and sex toys AND puppy, asdlkjaslfkasdjfl;askdfjasdf the shirt thing is so hot, watersports, I take it back this is 98% smut 9/10

Mistake Lover

Tags: completed, when ur bff is back on their BS, love triangle, coworkers, i swear all these ukes look the same to me at this point (which is very cute), GE!!!! (wangxian flashbacks), wait no smut?.... Paused

Yagi to ookami no hatsujou jijou

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, literally on my reading list because a comment said “nice cock 10/10”hahahaha, animal hybrids, scifi/aliens, me during chapter one: am I a furry? No. Am I? Relevant audio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJNIqvDfoo, hotties when human GOD DAMN, bi king, okay I stan this girl changing gears take your opportunities honey!, does blondie have a tinder or how is this happening? (update: called it), feminization, dubcon/noncon, marking, heats, idk about 10/10 cock but not lightsabers, translation is ruff (get it?), a yankee hahaha, literal wound licking, googles chimera, *claps* yes king selfish call his ass out, tail holding caaaayoooot, not that isn’t usually copious amounts of cum but really this is a lot 8/10

Make Me Bark

Tags: completed, $250 a month rent?? *cries in Californian*, god damn it these grey haired 2D men are really hot fml, “next months rent is a looming concern but I hope it’ll get better” followed by apartment on fire is how I feel about reality, rare characters that smile way more than they frown, sex toys, kink, puppy play, owner/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby, college setting, harness, muzzle, leash, tail plug, shirt thing!!, soaked briefs, playing barbie IRL, omg meet cute at the adult store, intercrural sex, possessive/jealousy, ah fuck yes I saw this panel on IG but it didn’t have the source but now hehe, whipping, choking, spanking, *bookmarks*, simp city, childhood friends, side couple cute af, yeonsoo: sorry I’m an anti romantic, size queen, mens lingerie, domestic, mutual pining,  these bestie pairings are *chefs kiss*, skinny but muscular bodies/no ridiculous size differences, “does he have a big dick?” “probably” “well tell him to come” GAGGED AJKSDHALSKDJHA this dialogue pure comedy, exhibitionism, human auction, maid costume, men in heels, topping in a dress, girl at the bus stop HAHAHA, ffs this is so cute, side stories: it’s a small world afterall, dynamic role reversal, pink haired boy is guru, SCREAMING AKDJA:SLDKJA:LKDJA:LSDKJLAKDJA:LDJAL:SKDJASLKDJA:SLKDJLAKSDJLASDJ:LASJD:ALSKDJASL:DJ:ASLJDPUTARINGONIT!!!! 11/10 

Gurume no fukurami

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, food fetish, feeding fetish, age gap, throuple-eqsue? There’s 3 people involved, paused ch 1 pg 30

Under the Green Light

Tags: ongoing, thank you IG for rec’ing this, brunette supremacy, neurodivergent?, lmao @hag, this statue is everything I wonder if it’s based on a real piece?, we went from talking art to being pinned to the ground REAL quick, translations rough but not as rough as my mans here, draw me like one of your french girls vibe, sass master, these dicks are ridiculously huge which is saying something for this genre, i love a verse/switch, “first time he’s asked someone to stop so his self-esteem is hurt” HAHAHAHA, stealing bae’s shirt, facials galore, car sex/public sex, jin not into praise kink clearly, sort of slut shaming jealousy, marking

Walk on Water

Tags: completed, for being about porn it’s not that smutty (i take it back), “don’t even think about running away” got me like https://giphy.com/gifs/VABbCpX94WCfS, actual dicks (lightsabers later must be the cleaners not the OG), muscular bodies, blonde seme, brunette uke, k mcqueen is everything, honestly haven’t loved a couple this much since chanwoo x MD and I LOVE THEM, jealousy, orgasm denial, the angles/frames of the art in this are insane (11/10), emotional intimacy CUTENESS HASIHDLASKDHJLAKSJDH, i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toes, dirty talk A+, bestie you turned out to be Judas you judgy fuck how dare you touch my man, Ryan is 50 shades of fucked up bb needs therapy, Chang and yeowoons sexual tension is *chefs kiss*, I ship it/all my ships sailing, woof non con but expected tbh, YEAH BABY YEAH *Austin powers voice*, fml I don’t want this story to end, meeting the Hets ™ would make me nervous too, spiderman kith, mirror sex sjkadfhasldjkfh, 34+35, JOI but with a partner? Not D/s, promises are made to broken hehe, that feeling when you understand the title, omg the fan art is so cool!! 15/10 would re-read seriously I can’t explain how well the artist used angles/how she portrayed the scenes was fucking MASTERFUL

Woof Wolf

Tags: that's my best friend (saweetie), red heads, werewolf au, college setting, students, shoot a shot in your mouth while I'm riding, facials, marking

Sexual Awakening of an Ex Delinquent 

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, sexual coercion/non con/dub con, tiddies, bondage, nipple play, edging/orgasm denial, candy in ass wow, food kink, kink in general, rich seme working class uke, lightsabers,  big dick Jesus fuck, exhibitionism, public sex, men's lingerie, Blondie is a sweet baby angel, self hatred/homophobia, sexual narrating that has me like oof 😣 that's not how this works but okay, the sweet spots thing is a great line, man is a slave to the sweets, lmao at the meme at the end of ch 9 fucking facts, kidnapping plot, rapey guys all around this story, tattoo/back story reveal has me like *nods head yes*, my throats broken has me gagged, crazy amount of sfx noises that distract from the art (I really appreciate cleaners I realize), first times, rushed ending feels,  would rate 6/10 not terrible but probably won't read again.  

With Your Tail Yes

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, quickie/short story, on man brunette looks EXACTLY like a different character by another artist like for real duplicate, home boy pulled Elle Wood’s Bend n Snap and we are HERE FOR IT, lingerie/cross dressing, okay compilation of short stories, great artwork but wtf these are far too short (maybe uploaded wrong..?), *immediately makes deal with the devil because yum*, ah okay previews THEN stories, human animal hybrid situation, lightsabers, fucking imagine your crush delivery the sex toy you ordered online HAHA *dies*, buys toys because men ain’t shit is a VIBE, you know he’s always wearing matching sets because he’s 100% that bitch, dub con/non con, knotting (unexpected), exhibitionism, public sex, good ol’ fashion blackmail to get your lover to stay with you trope, sexual assault/attempted rape, victim blaming, shibari, leashes, D/brat dynamic sort of, copious amounts of cum, lube? What lube?, marathon sex, first time, 75 hours?? Immediately no meme, 7/10 mostly for art/concepts but not execution

Heat and Run

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, omegaverse, friends to enemies to lovers, multiple couples as main to sides then sides to mains, my heart dropped because I thought the first sex scene was incest but then realized I’m mixing up all the characters derp, dense gays, this is america (the shooting comment WOOF reality feels bad man), blondes have more fun, real dicks, dubcon/CNC dealers choice, mutual pining, idiots in love, big alpha energy BDE, there are moments I feel Hayoung on a spiritual level and not sure that’s a compliment hahaha, orgasm denial/edging, istg if he bonded without Hayoung permission *jenna marbles BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU BETTAH NOT*, also I was hoping the idol was him but realizing it’s probs his sis, *deep sigh*, BDIRL, wow racism, oh no oh no no no no no meme audio, listen everyone needs to get into therapy to break that generational trauma is all I’m saying (not excusing abuse at all, trauma isn’t a free pass), NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME WITHOUT KNOWING THE RULES :ALKSDHJALKSDJA:SLKDJTRUE, matthew singing bo burnham: I’m problematic *background singers ‘he’s a problem!’*, i ship it yolo, JAEHO STAN (no means no!), mpreg, god damn it I am so worried about him getting roofie and the party scene hasn’t even started ABO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TOO ME, OH THANK JAEHO, dayummmm that clapback was real fuck him UP, me clapping: MARK HIM MARK HIM, GOD DAMN IT WITH THESE ONGOING FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS FML, marked via knotting? Okay that’s new, but also like normal marking I think, fucking til bottom pees trope

Heaven Officials Blessing

Animated series season 1 complete. Live action currently filming (same director as Untamed too UGH SO HAPPY)

Tags: ongoing, same author as my fav ever MDZS, just finished season 1 animated on netflix and can no longer avoid this because I LOVE THEM, all the memes on IG make sense now, Prince voice: Dearly Beloved (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXJhDltzYVQ) we are gathered here today to dive deeper into a fandom I will never escape, ART IS AMAZING (https://tenor.com/view/incredible-talented-lady-brilliant-gaga-gif-14857187), group chats are always chaotic tbh, wait a minute meme audio: bride = bottom? How tf did I not get that the first time round *sigh* always hoping for a verse couple, the asst. Boys I ship hard, the sass, fuck this is going to just be pure angst isn’t it *straps in, has fluffy manga queued*, even if no smut 11/10 gege porn, not subtle, god FUCK this ART IS SO FUCKING GOOD THE TALENT skjas;ldkfja;, 🥺, traumatic cliff moment *mdzs flashbacks*, HC smirk is my new favorite thing, no fucking but lots of touching, size difference, horror, gore, wuxia, great side characters, my ear feels tingly too lmao, SOMEONE BETTER GET THESE MF SNAKES ON THIS MF PLANE (cliff), umbrella moments got me uwu, gimme at least didi pleaseandthankyou, FUCK I LOVE THIS ARTIST she keeping us WELL fed with these extras DAYUM, wind/earth master ship please sail, CALL ME DADDY IM DEAD, HC has LWJ energy like you are not qualified to talk to me LOL, WAIT this totally counts as there was only one bed trope, also I’m already excited about omegaverse ff (send me recs please please please)

4 week lovers

Tags: ongoing because apparently I want to torture myself, mutual pining/”unrequited love”, college life, friends to lovers, blackmail ur crush into sex trope, public sex, I was going to tag possessive body language but possessive in a general sense apparently (starting strong yessss), sure jan @unrequited love dialogue, THEY WERE ROOMMATES *cackles*, sus haha, rough translation, pure comedy, shirt thing!, casual abuse :( (back story, traumatic childhood), I’m getting TharnType vibes (but not quite…), that note is precious, cry during/after sex, great angles, dialogue A+ 

Burlesque Night

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, stripper/body guard, coworkers, lust at first sight, magic mike vibes, fridays = getting fucked on stage O-O, well that was traumatizing af, took a bullet, real dicks, LDR, CUTE, I’m not in love with you… sure jan, OH WOW MASTER dlksaj;alsdkja;lsdkja;sld, gay awakening/first time, the art detail is *chefs kiss*, disappointed but not surprised :( :( :(, we stan a yes and lover, shirt thing, still not sure wtf the vertical anus thing is but full circle moment haha, you know what fuck it I’d re-read this 9/10

My one and only cat

Tags: ongoing, cat hybrids, god damn it I’m totally in furrydom ffs, ah well here we go, idol hot = loneliness wahhh /s, so hot he literally transforms other beings, omg a cat cafe CUTE, fuck that cat is cute *so fluffy*, stalker status, comedy, real dicks, I think the uncle would be supportive/jealous even I hope they talk about it I’m dying to know his thoughts, big tiddies, if this ain’t the cutest shit FLUFF/SMUT, copious amounts of cum, ate it with the panties on, CAKE, xmas, his milkshakes bring all the boy(cats) to the yard, trifling bitch

Imitation Mate

Tags: completed, omegaverse, alpha x alpha. Class rivals YAS, childhood frans, enemies to lovers omg this is all the shit I want, manipulation 1000 but yolo I ship it

Mr. 100% Perfect

Tags: ongoing, so relatable, OCD?, hoarder, when I read the title I thought mental illness and I was right, masks ugh RELATABLE, getting back together w ex, woof sibling drama/manipulation, suicide attempt, omg their communication regarding the psycho is REFRESHING, OMG JEJU ISLAND I see it in every fucking kdrama ever but this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned in a manga *hm* interesting, furry furry everywhere, eye contact, finished reading season 1 pause for an omergaverse cause, okay I’m back and season 2 starting STRONG #1 men are gross #2 mans just went right to a blowie while mf was trying to pee lmao i can NOT the germs barf, fuckboi extraordinaire stressing over a textback is *great*, that istg face is perfect, HYUNGGGG, hand on his heart OW MY HEART, vibe check LOL, here for this plot dev, END OF SEASON2 NOOOOOOOimnotready. Head bonks CUTE

The origin of species

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, sex tape, blackmail, i already don’t like this teacher, size difference, ‘JUST DIE’ hahahahahaha, I’m in love with noona, wait Ahjussi means uncle/mister? Dangerous convenience store has a new meaning to me now, DECEASED @they won’t, copious amounts of cum, alcohol to have intimacy *sighs in early 20s*, also WTF THEY ARE FUCKING AND THERE’S NO PHERMONE STUFF! What’s the point of being ABO without smell *swaggy p meme???*, wait okay ch 11 it begins, stockholm syndrome but since childhood I’m fairly certain *looking at you teacher I don’t trust these mfs*, dubcon obviously, also the can’t be knotted thing has me *cardi b meme that’s weird that’s sus* obvs poor bb about to get preg af, five word horror story: I won’t hurt you again *why tf you lyinggggg why u always lyinggg meme*, white collar crime, what’s the point of a contract when there’s no actual choice

How to Chase an Alpha

Tags: ongoing, lowkey been avoiding this one not because I think it’ll be bad I just..idk the brain is a weird thing, page 2 and I love mains attitude fucking gagged sass me bb, starting with rough translation but it be that way sometimes, GROUNDS HIMSELF BY TOUCHING HIS BLACK CARD I CANTTT, pheromone city fuck it UP, MC is a MOOD, mutual pining, when u and bae both hire PI’s to get info on each other, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, shirt thing, fucking chuffed about the rival fucking bring it, funny art, cheated on ugh mah heart I saw it coming and it still hurt, pure comedy this airport scene is so funny to me wtf, LDR, good ol murica fuckboi, LOVE HIM RIDE FOR UR MAN/MORALS, liams a little rapey rapist hm? No one’s ever said no… well being flooded with pheromones isn’t consent my dude, istg liam = I love it when they struggle, obvs jealousy/possessive tag but such is ABO, cat suit, BUNNY suit, sexy costumes, god damn it I love them that proposal/mpreg so cute, imprinting AW, ugh baes fam is so cute I needed that bc I wanna strangle wooyoungs dad, THE SECETARY is my fucking fav never stops being A+, SEC+LIAM?? Here for it *i ship it*, FUCK SO CUTE 12/10 re-read, fluff n smut, excited for how to chase an omegaside story hyung needs love!, JINI is mood, sales king I’m dying, that collar is ~hot~ btw

Egoism

Tags: completed (because jesus I can’t with ongoing, theheartbreakTM), UPDATE FML THE HEART BREAK IS REAL also no smut, omegaverse, hey stepbro, starts with rape, possessive/jealousy (isn’t all ABO?), age difference (6years, alpha is younger *can I get hyung plz lord*), HYUNG, woof this dad SUCKS, child abuse, rape culture *sigh*, I wanna get jacked like rick and summer and beat tf out of the dad, me n my cat, TELL EM HONEY I love this MC, traitor indeed, beta x omega btw, fated pair, coercive sex, didi going to be his own demise, BREAKUP/TIME SKIP NO this is BL hell, the rona is mentioned in this, ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR YOUR STORY WAHHHHHHHHHH also YES MY SHIP IS GOING TO SAIL I CAN FEEL IT, okay honestly frustrating a bit but also liked it yah 7-8/10, won’t re-read unless I’m looking for hurt though cause the comfort is BRIEF

Yarichin bitch bu

Tags: ongoing, reading because I watched this anime after seeing it mentioned in the comment section of -im-being-harassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year, anime was 2 eps a fucking wild the way this is uploaded SUCKS, no reality porn what plot rape-y ridiculous and now I need to read the source apparently haha, I need to know much more about yuri and blue hair guy ASAP (they have the spin off*adds to list*), high school setting, smut, studentsxstudents/teachers, photography club my ass, sex toys, kinky, crossdressing, gay awakening, unrequited love, jealousy, fake relationship, two faced people, OCD, COMEDY, rich people problems, hoarder, inferiority complex, one bed, toono is a dumbass in this love triangle or denial might be a better word, they are cousins my dude stop shipping it (I say to both toono and myself LOL), I wanna see Yuri’s face laksdjf;aldskf, vibrator #18 line is fucking iconic, yaguchi is about to get real interesting (BPD?), lies/manipulation, oh toono you sweet summer child, YURI i can’t wit chu, wait did he just punch the student because he won’t kiss him or???, dubcon/noncon obvs, finally my verse couple but they’re not a couple (yuri/tamu), they all care about each other is a weird way awwww, love confessions to pet vibrator scene are ICONIC MY DUDES I CAN NOTTT, lowkey living for Yuri’s drooling at this point, Jimi gives me such bad second hand embarrassment, Yuri the switch verse bb I’ve been looking for need more!, internalized homophobia, blackmail, MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR YAS KING, the heartbreak of ongoing/hasn’t been updated in years

Yarichin bitch bu dj wa

Tags: not completed I think, years old though, see above you know what it is, so cute omg, FIRST KISS AW, degradation kink?, MY VERSE COUPLE I’ve finally found you, biting, choking, rough sex, sex toys, they had fun together for another two hours DECEASED

Fucked by my Best Friend

Tags: ongoing, friends to lovers, body swap, Porn what plot, cannon threesomes in past maybe??(MFF for sure but MMF??), beach life, revenge, he became a HOT woman so honestly get over it, sloppy seconds, first off you’re both sluts second lmao this is going to be wild hm?, fellas is it gay if you kiss the homies, classic did you cum guy jfc, that’s how you get preg dumbass, ah the joys of being a woman /s assault in der clrub, *DEEP SIGH* @ you almost being raped turns me on, YES TURNING BACK DYING, gender has nothing to do with this LOL but true. Also yes cannon threesomes/orgies, googles frotting, mans like narrating playtime, intecurial sex public sex, lingerie, this is the closest thing to straight manga I’ve read hahaha, THE SCIENCE OMG FUCKING RIDIC :you need a mass amount of semen within you SURE JAN, possessive. Objectification, she trying to fuck without Shion LMAO, 34+35, do you think he’s on r/nofap, dry orgasm honestly impressed with mans rn ngl, spit as lube, anal fingering, just helping the homies find their prostate, bottom shaming (disappointed but not surprised), bis/gays in denial smh, question if he has a wet dream will he turn into a woman?, shirt thing, lol at female orgasm =anal in switcharoos mind, paging doc perv, shion is enjoying dressing up hm? Same dude, biggest reality gap is believing shion got admitted to a college HAHA, bad anatomy all over the place dude, rui is a dedicated exhibitionist, HE SO TIGHT BECAUSE THERES NO LUBE team no lube over here apparently not even a courtesy spit, yandere territory sort of?, Mayu with the dick wet comment is *chefs kiss*, THE HEARTBREAK OF ONGOING WAHHH I can’t believe I read all this but I can? 8/10 problematic possessive porn

[fruitcoops]

Nosy Neighbors

Hey folks! This is a continuation of the Coops social media series, kind of like the boyfriend tag and the tiktoks. Let me know what you think and if you like these fics! Credit for Coops/ Sweater Weather goes to @lumosinlove, as always. Some parts inspired by the SW discord!

“Bonjour, everyone, and welcome back to the Gryffindor Lions Instagram! I’m Sirius Black and I’m here with my fiancé, Remus Lupin, to answer some questions you are sending in while we’re live.” Sirius set his phone up so both he and Remus could see it. “Alright, first question: what are our favorite colors?”

“Green,” Remus said, leaning over Sirius’ arm to see. “Specifically dark green, kinda moss tones?”

Sirius hummed. “I really should say red or gold, but I like blue a lot.”

“Don’t tell Coach,” Remus said to the camera. “Question—wow, these are coming in fast—question two: who kissed who first?”

“You did?”

“I think so. That’s right, I did, because we had the whole conversation beforehand and I just kind of went ‘fuck it’ and smooched you.”

“Smooch.”

“Shush, read another question.” Remus kissed him on the cheek as he looked back to his phone.

“Who is more romantic?”

“You,” Remus said without hesitation. “You’re so sappy.”

“That’s different than being romantic.”

“Either way, you can do it forever.” Remus scrolled through a couple more before pausing and bursting out laughing.

Sirius’ whole face lit up and he craned his neck to see. “Which one is it?”

“It’s not even a question, I just love it.” Remus took a second to collect himself. “All it says is ‘these bitches smitten’, and you know what? Yeah.”

Sirius laughed loudly, leaning against the back of the couch for a moment. “Merde, I’m using that forever. Thank you, whoever sent that in. Okay, what do we have next…who said ‘I love you’ first? Me!” He smiled broadly, looking very proud of himself. “I did.”

Remus peered down at the phone. “People think it’s weird seeing you actually answer questions for once.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm. Apparently most of them didn’t know you could actually smile—that’s sad.” Remus looked back up and stuck his lower lip out. “Everyone who didn’t know that, I feel very bad for you. Sirius Black’s smile is a national treasure.”

“That’s an awfully smitten thing to say.”

“Turns out I’m a smitten bitch, did you know that?” Remus wrapped an arm around his waist and tapped the phone screen. “On the ice, both of you are pretty aggressive—aw, that’s such a nice way of putting it—and I was wondering if that ever translates into when you argue. Oooh, we’re getting personal now.”

Sirius cocked his head to the side. “I’m going to say not really? First of all, we don’t fight that much, and second of all, we both make an effort to leave any dickishness on the ice.”

“Dickishness is a highly scientific word, of course,” Remus teased. “No, in all honesty, hockey is the only place either of us get, like, aggressive aggressive.”

“Hey, this one is specifically for you,” Sirius said, leaning down to see it better. “Oh, I like this one. To Remus, how do you survive being around that accent all day? If it were me, I would spontaneously combust for sure. How do you survive, mon loup?”

Remus groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “I don’t. It’s so frustrating.”

Sirius sent the camera a smug smile. “C’est bien. Hmm, this next person wants to roast us both. Who is messier?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“You just don’t want to admit it’s you.” Sirius raised his eyebrows when Remus scoffed. “You leave your socks everywhere.”

“At least I own more than one pair without holes!”

“That’s not part of the question. I win, you lose, your turn.” Sirius handed him the phone and Remus stuck his tongue out at him.

“Someone named Laila wants to know if we ever get competitive at home or if that’s another thing we leave at the rink.” Remus propped his chin on his hand. “I don’t know, baby, do we get competitive?”

Sirius struggled to hold back his grin. “I’m just going to ask the general public a question now: what do you think happens when you put two professional athletes in a house together?”

“Especially when one of them is the captain.”

“The short answer is yes, we do. I can think of three separate occasions in the last week where we competed over something completely pointless.” Sirius thought for a moment. “Wait, no, there’s four. We should move on before this spirals. D’accord, dinonuggets asked why our dog’s name is Hattie. Good question!” He whistled and Hattie wandered in a few seconds later to sit between them on the couch. “Her name is Hattie because she is our lucky third for a hat trick.”

“Woah, people really like that.” Remus poked the screen as hearts exploded across it. “She is the best girl. Babycakes, sweet girl.” Hattie rolled onto her back and put her head in his lap. Remus petted her absentmindly as he read through the comments, then swung around to face Sirius with a mischievous smile. “What’s the best and worst part about dating someone from Wisconsin?”

“The slang for both,” Sirius answered immediately. “Jeez is so cute, but I do not understand the obsession with ‘hold your horses’ at all.”

Remus shook his head. “Tsk, tsk, you have no culture. Alright, you’re up.”

“Oh!” Sirius slapped at Remus’ leg in excitement and Hattie made a grumpy noise. “Un bébé!”

“A baby?”

“This person is just starting to question their identity and wants to know what labels we use.”

Remus lit up. “Baby gay! Hello! Oh, this is awesome. To answer your question, I used to identify as bisexual but after college I started identifying as gay because I felt like it fit me better.”

“As everyone knows, I was closeted until about eight months ago, but I’ve known I’m gay since I was…oh, maybe 13? 14?” Sirius’ face turned solemn for a moment. “Please remember that your labels can change and you’re still valid. Stay proud.”

“We’re starting to run out of time here, so we’re going to do a few rapid-fire questions. First one: What’s your favorite thing about your partner?”

“Your heart,” Sirius said, turning to look at Remus with a soft expression. “You’re so kind to everyone and you have so much love to go around.”

Remus had one hand over his mouth. “That’s so sweet. I feel so bad now. Uh, my favorite thing about you is how adventurous you are, since I’m an introvert and we balance really well.”

“Why did you feel bad?” Remus didn’t answer. “Oh my god, you were thinking of something else. What was it?”

“Doesn’t matter. Next question—”

Sirius grabbed the phone out of his hand. “Oh, no, no, tell me. Was it my ass?” The mild flush that crept up the sides of Remus’ neck gave him away. “It was!”

“I do genuinely love how adventurous you are,” Remus defended. “Just read the next question before I embarrass myself even more, please.”

“You’re never living that down. What’s the best and worst part of playing on the same team?”

“I think having the same schedule and really understanding the hockey lifestyle helps us avoid a lot of disagreements that couples have, but if we have a bad game then we both come home grumpy and that’s never very fun.”

Sirius nodded. “When you were still the PT we hung out less, since you had to stick around after practice and get there early to set up. Now, we can spend more time together in the mornings and evenings which is just the best. I’d say the worst part is that people have started comparing us in the media, and that’s total bullshit.”

“Yeah.” Remus scrunched up his nose. “It doesn’t have any real impact on our relationship, but it’s irritating to see it circulating when there are so many more important things they could be focusing on.”

“Last question, make it good,” Sirius warned, leaning back so Hattie could stretch her legs further.

“Okay, from Lathan in Texas, how do you have such beautiful hair?”

Sirius seemed rather surprised and sat up straighter. “Really?”

“Yup.”

“Well, Lathan, I wash it every other day with shampoo and conditioner and I don’t brush it while it’s dry. Once I get out of the shower, I just kind of…” he shook his head and the ear-length curls mussed a bit. “do that until the extra water is gone and let it air dry.”

“Godspeed, Lathan,” Remus said gravely. “Looks like that’s all we have time for today.”

“Thanks for tuning in, and see you later!”

[bitchysongcomputer]

Married Men by BearTrainer

From BeefyFrat Library, before it disappears.

Don’t ask me what finally made me do it. I guess surfing all those gainer sites and lurking around those bulletin boards after Janine and the kids were in bed. Of course, when I first found them all, I did what you usually do. I knew they got me hot, but I just told myself I was bored and stressed out from work, which is true. Now that my contracting business is taking off, work is far more of a bitch than it ever was when I was hurting for jobs. But, you know that’s bullshit, even I knew it was at the time. So I’d jack off real quick to some of the hot stories, some of those big belly pics and drawings, and then forget about it. I’m not gay—I’m not. Janine still turns my crank after 15 years, and if it weren’t such a hassle, me being boss and all, I’d gladly go pussy-chasing with the Mexican crew I got on Friday night. It’s just that when it comes to fat guys, guys blimping, guys getting soft, sprouting a gut and growing tits, I pop a boner. The rest of that gay shit doesn’t do anything for me—just fat guys. So after getting up enough nerve to exchange a few E-mails with some of the cooler dudes on the gainer boards, I decided to see what kind of action I could scare up for myself. Opened a Hotmail account and got my ad together: Straight married encourager guy looking for straight married gainer into getting fed, growing gut. No strings or romance. Just hot man-to-man action. I’ll bring the eats. You bring the appetite. Beginners welcome. I put that last part in mostly to cover my own ass, since I’d never been with a guy, period, no less doing any kind of shit like this. And maybe it was my own denial or something, but even though I plastered the ad everywhere I could think—even on the Yahoo personal boards, for Christ’s sake!—I didn’t really think I’d get a response. And for a month or two, I didn’t. But then. . . . I remember thinking, "Man, he sounds a helluva lot more nervous than even me," when I answered the phone and heard him say, "Hey, man, this is Gary," then a long pause, "You know, from the ad. . . ." Like I wouldn’t know. Right. Like I hadn’t fucking waited three days by the phone. "Hey, Gary! Cool. I was wondering if you were going to call." "Well, you know, stuff came up. How you doing?" "I’m great. Just great. How’s by you?" I could hear him coughing, clearing his throat. "I’m OK. So, what’s the deal? You want to meet or what? What do you usually do?" I was such a wuss about this, I don’t mind telling you. I’d been putting these ads out and actually hadn’t really even thought about what the fuck I’d do if someone called. But I think quick on my feet, so I said, all cool and suave, "Well, let’s at least meet for a cup of coffee, then you know, if we want to take it the next step, we can always go down the street for a tub." "What do you mean, like a hot tub?" I was thinking of the place next town over where Janine and I would go every once in a while before the kids. It was nice, not sleazy, well-run, and all the rooms had a little bed and a sauna. Plus, I wanted to get a look at this guy before I committed myself to anything. You know, what if he was some ugly old skank or something. "Yeah, but let’s just talk first. Like I said, no strings." He hung up so quick after I named a place to meet that I really didn’t think he’d show, so after telling the guys I was taking off to price a job in the city, I brought some paperwork with me the next day, got my coffee and figured I’d wait a half-hour, no more. Knock me over with a fucking feather if he doesn’t show up like right on the button and isn’t like one of the hottest guys I’ve seen. Just the way I like them—looking about early 30’s, real all-American, about six-foot, should have been about 180 and maybe was for most of his life, but clearly packing an extra 30 or so, lots of it hanging over the front in a sort of clingy yellow T-shirt. "Gary, it’s Doug. How you doing, guy?" I thought he’d be a nervous wreck, the way he sounded yesterday, but evidently he got his shit together and looked cool, sat down, chunky football player ass and legs spreading big on the seat, smiling like we were both being bad boys. Figured I might as well set a tone. "Can I get you something? Couple of donuts. Coffee." Still smirking, he nodded, "Yes. And yes." So we chit-chatted some, keeping our voices a little low. Turned out this was his first time with a guy, but his wife—he wouldn’t tell me her name, just called her "my wife"—seemed to be intent on fattening him up. "You should see what she cooks for me. And I don’t dare tell her I can’t eat any more, because I get the look, you know. Plus she’s always handing me what our daughter doesn’t eat. And of course there always cake and ice cream in front of the tube. It’s like I get up feeling like a stuffed pig sometimes when I get into bed. You see, this." He rubbed his gut. "All in the last two years, and I can’t lose it. So I figured, why not just forget about it and let it go." Thinking to work him a little, get him hot, I said, "The wife likes it that way, doesn’t she?" He smiled shyly. "She can’t keep her hands off it. Neither can the guys at work. They’re always ribbing me, but that’s why I called you. Because it like turns me on when they do that shit. Am I, like twisted or something?" I leaned back and pushed the second donut at him, trying to act smug, like I was the big expert. He looked like a little boy, cheeks munching away, looking up at me. "I don’t know, man. What’s twisted? I just know what I like." I waited till he swallowed. "So, you feeling like a tub?" He laughed out loud and slapped his belly. "Yeah. You bet I’m feeling like a tub. But I guess you mean a hot tub, huh?" If this was his first time, it didn’t show. I went in first and paid, and then he waited in his truck a little and came in after, just in case anyone might see us walk in together. I had my wits about me—either that or my old army training—but I had crammed my bag full of plenty of supplies from the bakery around the corner from work where all the lardasses seemed to go, all the stuff I’d fantasized for years seeing a guy eat—chocolate eclairs, a big box of butter cookies, a marble cake, and a bunch of cupcakes. (I’d have loved to bring a coconut cream pie but I couldn’t figure out how to smuggle it in, since you’re not supposed to bring food into the tub place.) Anyway, the door hardly closed when suddenly big Gary was all over me, pressing his overfed belly right into mine and knocking me back against the wall, nuzzling my neck with his face, smelling of sweat and sugar. I ran my hands over his straining T-shirt, feeling the heft of him, rolling his fat back and forth in my palms, half-teasing, half-dominant, and using my own strength, pushed him back. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, bubba. Not so fast. You gotta do what I say or you ain’t gonna get your eats." I stuck my thumb in the deep depression of his navel. "Got that, gainerboy?" It was a risk, I knew, pulling that attitude, but figured putting it out there would give us something to work with. He smirked, embarassed and horny, and played along. "Sure, man. Whatever you want. You be my coach. I’ll follow orders." Then he hung his head and looked up at me. "Pants off." He obeyed, but when he went to pull his jockeys off, I smacked his hand. "Leave them on." I went over to my bag and started laying out the goodies in front of him, taking my time, keeping my own gym shorts and tank-top on, looking at the fine sight of his belly hanging out of the now loose T-shirt. We were both throwing major woodies, but I just stood there and took in the sight of him, like he was a big piece of beef, and that really seemed to make him crazy-hot, started pulling on his dick. I cocked my head toward the bubbling tub, and saying nothing, we climbed in with our clothes on, as if we were just straight guys doing a jacuzzi together, but I pushed him back and climbed on top of him, running my face and hands over the now soaking-wet, clinging T-shirt, straddling his fat thighs with my legs and sort of sitting on his lap. We didn’t talk, rubbing our face next to each other. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to kiss him, to tell you the truth, having never smooched with a guy, but eventually we started, mostly because it seemed he wanted it, and I had to say, the taste of his tongue was a real turn-on. I just kept thinking about how his whole life was going to revolve around that greedy mouth of his, his big hungry greedy voracious gainer mouth, how he was starting to live for his food, for being fed, for getting everything he could into that mouth, and at some point I guess I eventually started to say shit like that in his ear, whispering it, being a big tease, talking into his mouth. The whole feeling of this big dude under me, slick and wet, begging for it, was the most intense turn-on and he just moaned when I flipped both our cocks out of the shorts and started belly-fucking under the water. "You like this?" he said, his eyes kind of closed, putting his hands down my shorts and holding my ass. "I mean, you’re so tight, you work out." I poked my cock right into his underbelly as a response. "I don’t know. What do you think? You think I like this?" He moaned a little louder and pulled me into him a little harder. "I’d have to say yes. But man, like I’m so fucking fat." "That you are." I kept up the belly fucking, holding his wrists down on the sides of the tub, licking on his chin. "And you are going to get fatter." "Oh fuck. Really? You want me fatter. I’m such a blimp already." "You saw that food, didn’t you?" He licked his lips, looking over my shoulder at the spread. "You ain’t going to make me eat all that? Man, I’ll be sick. Already had a huge lunch." I grabbed his lovehandles under his shirt and started jiggling them, his soft mantits shaking just above the surface of the water in wet, nearly see-through T-shirt. "Yeah, I can feel it, right here, fatso. Is this where the guys at work poke? In your fat, right here. What do they call you these days? Chubs? Tubby? Jellybelly?" He was getting breathless, which I figured meant he was getting close, so I stopped the belly-fucking, peeled off my own shirt and shorts, threw them into a wet heap across the room and moved over to the other side of the tub. He didn’t expect this, but I was really getting off on being a cocktease for change, I guess ‘cause of all the years of having chicks do this teasing shit to me. Kind of helped me see it from their perpsetive, you know what I mean. It was pretty damn fun. Anyway, he started to come over but I stopped him with a foot, wiggling my toes in his flab. "Uh, uh, uh. Food first. Fun later. Just relax, big guy. Take a breather. We got a whole hour." He shook his head and decided to give me a taste of my own medicine, sitting back across the tub from me and lifting up the wet shirt just over his tits and cupping them, trying to act real matter-of-fact. "If I gain any more weight, I’m going to have D-cups, what do you think?" Thing was his tits weren’t really that big yet, most of the weight was in his belly and hips, but I played along because it was kind of hoot talking about a guy’s breasts, plus it was very hot watching a guy fondle himself, breasts all hairy and butch. "Nips getting sensitive, darlin?" I said, looking away like I didn’t give a shit. "All the gainers I know say their nipples start fucking talking to them after a while." He chuckled at that and wincing a little, began to flick the tips of his nipples with his fingers. "Yup, they’re talking all right. Hear em?" I guess I deserved it for being a prick, but the sight of it was kind of driving me crazy, him leaning back, double-chin under his sexy, cleanshaven face, teats almost as big as Janine’s when she was revved up, and it was about all I could do to keep bringing myself off in the water in my own shorts. So I used my feet again and knocked his hands away from his breasts. "Yeah, I hear ‘em. They’re saying, ‘Feed this fucker. Get him big.’ " and with that, I climbed out of the tub and started toweling myself off right next to him. He was definitely getting off on my body—which after years of construction gets plenty of looks still, I will say that—but frankly, I wouldn’t look twice at a guy like me, while a big soft old doughboy like Gary just was working me to the bone. But there he was, jacking himself furiously as he watched me, so I gave him a little show, a few ass shorts, flexing the legs, shooting a bicep curl now and then. His face was red and sweaty, eyes kind of going glassy from being so turned on, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. "Isn’t that what they are saying, Gar? Aren’t those nipples saying, ‘Mmm, mmm, want some pound cake.’ " I lazily made my way over the to the bed and sat cross-legged on it, arranging the food around me. "Or maybe it’s that hungry mouth of yours?" He didn’t say anything, but with a big whoosh, he hoisted himself out of the tub, struggled to get his soaking wet clothes off, blubber shaking the whole time, which I wasn’t about to complain about at all, and then, quickly drying himself, made his way over to the bed. I checked out his cock, which wasn’t as long as mine but was real thick and uncut, which kind of surprised me, and with a sound kind of like "oomph," he plopped down parallel to me on his back, all the goodies lined up between us, making a pillow with his towel, so his head was propped up. In this position, his belly flattened out some, but I could still see the roundness spreading and his navel looked real deep. "You want dessert?" I tore off a hunk of cake and nibbled on it myself. He still didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t figure out if he was embarassed about this, or ashamed, or if this was part of the turn-on for him, having me take charge like this, but he nodded, staring straight into my eyes for a long time, and then parted his lips and closed his eyes. So I started feeding him like that, at first giving him chunks that were way too big, but then realizing that all my fantasies of cramming guys full of food had to be brought into reality and that little bite-size pieces made it easy to just keep the rhythm going, one after another, trying to time his swallows with another little bit ready and waiting, right on the edge of his lips. He was moaning and groaning the whole time from pleasure, making little baby sounds, and I let myself sort of lean over him so I could hear him better, because I found that part of it really, really hot, like he were my son and I was his dad, and I was growing him into a huge fat stud. In fact, pink and round and fat as he was, he sort of looked like a little kid, and so I just started rubbing his belly really affectionately, not like sexual or nothing, rubbing my hands in long, slow circles up from his navel to just under his pecs and back, like I sometimes did on my own kids backs to help them go to sleep. Well, big Gary put away a pound cake, gut getting higher and tighter toward the end and he managed to pack away about a dozen sugar cookies before opening his eyes and saying, "Got a take a break, Doug. Belly’s real full." The look in his eyes made me think he was hurting, but the smile on his face told me a different story. So, I raised my eyebrows, said, "Hey, sure," but since he had responded so well to me being kind of a mean bastard, I decided to keep it up, and sat back, took one of those heavily iced cupcakes in my hand and began to lick it off. "Man, is this shit ever good! I don’t usually eat this stuff, but now I see why you fatguys like it. Real sweet. Real soft." My cock was jutting straight up against my own flat belly and I just thinking about all those chicks I had see in the Playboy movies and the way that they made you really believe that they didn’t want to do anything but go down on that guy’s prick, like they were living to suck that fat cock. So thinking of that, I made love to that sweet cupcake like I’ve never made love to anything. "I mean, you can’t be full yet. Big dude like you. You gotta wanta just taste this, don’t you? You don’t want me eating all your treats up, do you, bigguy?" I started making little thwacking sounds with my lips, thinking that might do it, and sure enough, Gary closed his eyes again and opened his mouth, my signal to start feeding. Well, getting this round down him was a little more work, and in all honesty, I started feeling a little sorry for him, because his gut really did start to look like a beachball and there was an edge to his groaning that made me think we were moving past pleasure into pain. But the fact was, the whole time, his cock was hard as a rock, drooling like a hose pipe and he opened his mouth to whatever I offered. After the last cupcake, he was breathing real hard, his eyes sort of rolling back in his head. "I’m like getting a sugar rush or something," and I don’t know what made me do it, I guess instinct, but I grabbed his cock and began to slowly give him a handjob. I’d never touched another guy’s cock before, this was the first time, yet the position we were in made it easy for me, you know, side by side, kind of like I was jacking myself off. "Breathe deep, baby. Just breathe into your belly. Make a little room in there." The back of my hand was stroking his lower belly and I could feel him doing what I was saying. "You just gotta keep breathing. It’s like any kinda training. You know what I’m saying." His prick was really slimy, which wasn’t my most favorite part of this, but he started to clench his big ass with every stroke of mine and the movement seemed to make him more comfortable. "That’s right," I prompted him. "Get into it. Fuck my fist. Come on, you’re fat and happy, ain’t you?" He knocked my hand away suddenly and grabbed himself, a sign the big guy wasn’t going to be lasting too much longer. Staring right into my face, he croaked out, "Eclair," and fumbling a bit, I managed to lay hold of an eclair, aiming it right into his open mouth as his whole body tensed and released. It was an amazing sight, seeing this overfed guy cumming next to me, a sight I had only dreamt of for many years. I could see all his muscles tight, but on top of it all was a big quivering layer of manfat, shaking like jello, the orgasm just shooting through him in waves, his mouth frantically trying to down the eclair I had pushed in it without choking, and again, mostly from instinct I guess, I got on my knees, aimed my own cock straight over his stomach and with no more than five solid pulls, shot my wad on that blubberbelly quivering underneath me. I had cum about a thousand times thinking about this, spewing right on top of a big man’s fat hairy stomach, and it was like I stayed there frozen for a real long, the orgasm absolutely one of the most intense I had ever had, so intense I forced myself to keep my eyes open, to take the whole fucking scene in, and just when I thought I was done, I heard Gary groan, saw his lips smeared with cream and chocolate and damn if I didn’t fucking lose it all over again. This time I let out a yell, because this had never happened to me, cumming twice right on top of each other, and it scared the shit out of me, thought I might be having a convulsion or something, and I guess Gary saw that because he put one of his arms around the back of my neck and using his strength, pulled me straight down on top of him, holding me like a fucking doll against his huge warm soft body, as I just let loose again, thrashing wildly, crying, hunching my prick into his belly. It was like I had been reduced to some kind of animal or something, and all I could think about was trying to stay conscious while I rode this incredible wave of pleasure—not my family, not my job, not my wife, not my kids, not nothing—just this mind-blowing orgasm. All I can say was that it was a good thing Gary was a big strong guy, because he held me good and just let me carry on, all of him shaking underneath me from laughter. I ended up laying completely limp on top of him, drooling between his pecs, panting, feeling my own thighs wedged between his, my cock just sore and throbbing buried in his fat, almost too sensitive for me to touch. Trying to get my own shit together, I mumbled something like "Goddamn. That was a first," and taking stock of the situation without moving, I realized that both of us were pretty much of a mess, between the food, sweat, spit, and cum. He was stroking my head and I responded by reaching up and the back of my own hand against his cheek. "First for me, too," he said, good-humoredly. "You could have warned me you were a wild man." "Then I thought you might get scared off." I managed to say this and sound like I knew what I was talking about. "You know how uptight married guys are." "Don’t I ever!" We both laughed, and after hearing the buzzer for ten minutes, took our time showering. Worst part was realizing suddenly that the only clothes we had were the soaking wet things laying in the corner. "Oh fuck," I said, wringing the shorts and T-shirt out. "Guess I’ll have to say I went to the gym." Gary made a face, holding the shirt. "Wish I could use that excuse. I’m going to have some major explaining to do. Walking down the street, looking like the goddamn Goodyear blimp in a wet T shirt. Least I got my pants." He caught me looking and laughed again. "You are a big prick, aren’t you? Use me and abuse me." I smirked. "Me? What are you talking about? You ever going to call me again or you just gonna just dump me?" He fiddled with his wedding ring, not thinking about it, far as I could tell, but that’s what he was doing. "We’ll see. It’s going to take me a month to digest what you fed me today." I gave him a soft punch in the gut, copping one last feel before we opened the door and went back to real life. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, you got my number. Thursdays are good for me." Then I handed him the four eclairs left over in the box. "Here, share these with the wife and kids. My compliments." He stuck his tongue out. "You are a prick, aren’t you?" Guess I fed him good, because I never heard from him again. I did hear from a lot of gay guys who didn’t seem to be able to read, though, or who musta thought I was kidding when I said I was looking for straight, married guys. I didn’t answer any of them, mostly because the pics they sent didn’t do much for me, but also it was clear that they were looking for love in all the wrong places, as far as I could tell. I was certainly not going to be throwing my whole life down the toilet for a little gainer fun on the side. Plus, I couldn’t figure out what to say without sounding, you know, like an asshole. What was I supposed to say--"Sorry, I don’t get into fat queens," which is what they were. My momma always said, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. So I just didn’t write back. Anyway, a month or so passed and then, finally, I got a note someone who could not only read English but wrote me quite an intelligent-sounding letter, by the name of George. Said he was a college professor, kids grown up, wife away a lot and said he was doing all the exploration he had put off for all these years. Clicking on the attachment, a pic came up that did a number on me—him wearing a Speedo on the beach, taken from below, big goofy smile on his bearded face, eyes squinting from the the sun, and what looked like quite a hefty, hairy belly and big soft manpecs, real dark tan. I popped a big boner immediately, not so much because he was a fat fox, which he was, but really because he was the spitting image of my father-in-law. That, I will say, felt a little weird, jacking off thinking about Russell while looking at this guy George’s picture, but after cumming, I knew I’d have to get together with this dude, just to push the envelope. He was real friendly on the phone and very well-spoken, so I knew he wasn’t giving me a line about him being a professor and all. This put me immediately at ease and we shot the shit some, all the usual stuff—no, the wives didn’t know, yes, we had both been into this for as long as we could remember, no, we weren’t looking for romance, just play—moving quickly to "how’s your schedule look?" When I said it looked good, name a day, he said, "I don’t know what you usually do, but may I suggest this? Let’s meet at La Picante for a little Mexican fiesta and then, if you can wait till next Friday, I’m going to have the whole house to myself." "How come?" He chuckled. "My wife travels a lot on business. She’s an entertainement lawyer. It does make it convenient, however. I got very tired of having sex with my socks and shoes on. Plus, going out to eat makes it easy, get filled up, do a little take-out and finish it off in the privacy of my own boudoir. You want to see if you can help me beat my taco record?" "Yeah?" I had cruised all the eating contest sites in the course of my websurfing, and knew this kind of turned me on. "How many?" "So far 21, at a single sitting. But that was when I was a mere slip of a thing at 245." I felt myself get real hard real quick. "And what’s the weight now?" "Hovering around 270. Need help to push that needle over. You up for some pushing, Doug?" I was up for some pushing, all right. I had always dreamt about being with a guy that huge, seeing how far I could take him. So I was definitely up, no problem, except maybe keeping from whacking off right here in my office where any of the Mexicans could walk in, which they usually did without knocking. We decided to meet on Friday after work, and that whole week I jerked off over his pic, thinking about rubbing suntan oil all over that gut. I also found myself saying, "Daddy" when I came, which freaked me out a little, but I tried not to think about that too much. I wanted to get there early, order some stuff like margaritas the place was famous for and sort of set the stage, but the professor beat me to it, already camped out at the table with a basket of chips, three bowls of salsa, and a frosty pitcher waiting. He rose, looking hefty and preppy, wearing a snug striped button down and khakis with the pockets flaring a bit on account of what I saw was a big rumproast on him. He was a lot darker and hairier looking in person and a lot bigger than the pic he had sent, looked to be about ten years older than me. The handshake was strong, and the smile was real friendly. I liked him right away and felt like I was with someone who knew what he wanted and knew how to get it. It felt kind of good to not have to be in charge. He piled the chips into his mouth in a steady stream while talking. Looked to me like he was a born eater, and when I said something, he laughed a little, wiping sauce off his beard and licking his fingers off. "Yeah, I eat like a breathe. Spent most of my life trying to hold back, but once the kids left, I said, ‘Fuck it, life’s too short.’" "Does the wife give you trouble about the weight?" He waved the waiter over and made a face. "She makes noises like she cares, but she doesn’t. I mean, I think she knows about me, my being bisexual, I mean. I think she’s known for years. Her approach is very ‘don’t ask,’ and mine is very ‘don’t tell.’ So it works. After being married 25 years, it’s not an especially pressing issue. Say, you want something?" I ordered a combination plate, thinking what I didn’t finish, George would get—turned me on thinking about making the big guy eat my leftovers, I have to say. However, George had definitely been through this drill, because he told the waiter that he wanted him to just start bringing tacos in batches of three until he told him to stop. The waiter looked at him strangely, but then I caught the dude checking out the professor’s gut and realized George was for real, so he just nodded and asked, "Chicken, beef or pork?" "One of each. And when you see me start on the third one, you start getting the next three ready." I was stiff as steel down below, something about watching this already fat guy intent on shamelessly pigging out in public was making me nuts, and I think George could sense my excitement, because he poured me another ice-cold margarita and snickered. "I like taking my time, Doug. Don’t you like taking your time? Makes the release so much sweeter." Well, that’s when I knew I had met my match in this one. Fasten your seat belt. This guy knew what he was doing all right. "Yeah? You know that from experience?" "Mmm, mmm, mmm." He struggled to get the last handful of chips down, swigging the rest of his drink like it was Kool-aid and crunching loudly on the ice. "Not as much as I’d like, that’s for sure. I’ve got a very demanding gut. Brought some pics for you." And so what does he do then, but he pulls out a bunch of old photos, tosses them on the table in front of me while we are waiting for the food to arrive, and just sits back, legs spread, belly pulling on the lower buttons of his dress shirt—before food!--looking the spider that ate the fly, knowing the effect they’d have on me. "Man, you were in great shape, weren’t you!" He had a few photos of him at about age 25 or 30, I was guessing, at the beach, wearing some real little bikini thing. "Where’s this?" The tacos arrived and he dug in, slurping them up, one bite taking care of half, cheeks stuffed and munching contentedly. "Greece. Family’s Greek. Used to have to visit grandma every summer. Tight gut, huh? I think I was 32’ there." It was hard to believe this was the same guy, really, because in the photos he could have only weighed about what I was weighing, 175, 180. "Really?" "Oh yeah. I was 32" for years. You know, until this." He rubbed his hands around the circumference, taking the opportunity to sling his belt down a little farther and push out his stomach. "I think this fellow measured 50" last weekend." He smiled wickedly. "You’re a contractor, aren’t you? You measure things for a living. That’s makes 18 inches of fat in five years. I don’t tell a lot of people. And a good 80 pounds or so, right? 180, 270. Guess 90. I’ve never paid much attention to the scale till lately. I started eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and figured I’ll end up weighing whatever I weigh. Once I got to 250, though, I figured I might as well shoot for a 100 pound gain. That’s been a bit more work than I thought it would be." He leaned forward to catch the drippings of the third taco and I could see his tongue darting in and out of his furry mouth, all red and wet. I wondered if he liked to suck dick. "Hey, why not?" I tried to sound casual and not to stare too much, but the real story was that I was pretty fucking mesmerized. I picked at my food and when the waiter didn’t do as he was told and the tacos didn’t arrive, I decided to give it my own shot, taking one of the tacos off and giving George the rest of the plate loaded with rice, beans, two enchiladas and two big greasy chile rellenos. I didn’t say anything. "So you aren’t going to finish that, huh?" he said, pulling the plate closer toward him, so the edge was almost touching the top of his gut. "Funny, you look real hungry. Or is that blush just the alcohol?" I acted cool but really all I wanted to do was fucking jump his fat ass right there. It was also pretty damn clear though that the professor was in charge of this. So what else did I have to do but toss back my margaritas and watch him eat. And man, did he eat! We were at that fucking restaurant for every little bit of two hours, between him announcing that it was time for what he called "a short hiatus" which meant him shifting around trying to get his now beachball-sized stomach into a position for further feeding, making conversation with me about the wife and kids, as if we was two old buddies catching up, and then starting in for another round. Around taco 18 or 19, he let out a very polite burp and then scooted himself to the end of the chair, letting his gut sag between his legs, elbows on the table, letting gravity make some more room. "You want to help me break my record, don’t you?" "Hey, sure, man. That’s why I’m here." He lowered his voice, as the waiter placed another three tacos in front of him and walked away. "Then this is how you help. Tell me what you like to do." At first I didn’t get it. "Like what do you mean, do?" He wiggled his eyebrows and picked up a taco. He was practically whispering. "You know, do. When you are with a guy." I couldn’t believe it. We were in a crowded restaurant. I was very turned and also very self-conscious, and he knew it. He also knew that I wasn’t going to say no to him. "Well, it’s time for the truth," I finally said. "I ain’t done much." He was munching away, words a little jumbled. "You fuck?" I looked around, hoping no one could hear him but sort of getting off on being so public at the same time. It was really a mindtrip, that I have to say. "Never fucked a guy. No." "Just handjobs then, like in the car, in the park. Right?" I continued to squirm like a deer in the headlights, watching him pile in the 20th taco. "Nope, ain’t done that either." "Tell you what, Doug." He picked up the last taco, full of shredded pork and cheese, and held it in front of his mouth. It was dripping red grease off the end onto his plate. "You want to see me break my record, don’t you?" "Absolutely, man. I want to see you eat that." It sounded lame, but I didn’t know what else to say. "Then you’ll let me suck your dick, won’t you? How’s that sound?" This dude was really out there, I remembered thinking, and I was so strung out at this point, I just bust out laughing at the whole thing. I figured, shit, I might as well say yes, since he had fucking read my mind. He was cool as a cucumber, though, waving that damn taco in front of his mouth, staring me down like he had just asked what time it was. Finally, I pulled myself together, stopped laughing and said, "Hell yeah," figuring I didn’t have to keep my promise, even if he did eat that damn taco. Truth was his mouth looked pretty damn fine for cocksucking, that I had to admit, and I was hoping that I wasn’t wearing a cooz spot of my own in the crotch by now. I don’t think I have been so hard for so long since high school. "Come on, eat it, cocksucker," I said, wearing a big grin. "Earn your keep, you fat fuck." Which evidently got him completely hot, because I have never seen anyone eat and whip out a $50 bill, keep the change and make for the door so fast in my whole life. "Follow me home," he said, waddling toward his brand-new Cherokee, big ass cheeks fighting to get out those khakis, basket almost as swollen high and hard as his belly full of food. Well, the professor was definitely an education for this hound dog. He sucked me not once but twice, the first time barely in the door of his fancy home in the hills, opening my pants and fly with one hand like he had gotten a master’s degree in doing married men on the run. I came in about ten seconds flat and he slurped me all up, getting on his feet and telling me, "Just to drain off the tension. Call it an hors d’oeuvre." The second time was much better, him taking great care of me after he had gotten me all hot and bothered again with that ass of his. Turns out that he got into this very specific sex thing: he pulled his pants down right under the cheeks of his ass, pulled his shirt tails up, so that his humongous soft cheeks sort of squeezed or jutted out in the space between, which is when he wanted me to start patting them—not slapping or spanking them, just jiggling. We were in his bedroom at this point and I have to admit the whole thing was really a trip, because he had positioned us so I could see the two of us reflected in the full-length mirror on the closet door off the mirror on the nightstand where all his wife’s shit was, hairbrushes, make-up, lipsticks Of course, he could see himself too, watching my hands on his cheeks, shaking his fat, watching me get into it with two hands, getting a rhythm going, each buttcheek bouncing up and down. "Rough hands," he grunted out at one point, pulling on his own cock with his eyes half-closed. "Like that." "Like that?" I said, giving him a little bit of a slap, making him jump. "Yeah, keep it up. I’m so fucking fat. I’m so fucking fat," which he just said over and over again until he shot onto the carpet, with me watching him in the mirror from behind, all of his blubber shaking under its own power at that point. I had such a big boner then I actually thought about maybe porking the guy, after all, his ass was right there practically begging for it and I was ready to go off again, but then I thought maybe that’s what he wanted to do all this for and I backed off, decided an another long, excellent bj would do fine. He was in fact a very excellent cocksucker, but my theory is that most gainers are. What do you call it, oral fixation? He lived for my dick for about a half hour, cupping his big titties the whole time and moaning, and it felt great, standing there, my hands on my hips, my big old prong wet and warm, feeling him suck that second load right out of me. I didn’t have to do shit, just come in his mouth a second time, and the look on his face was just priceless, like he’d won the Kentucky Derby. Now, trippy as the whole scene was, you can’t argue with getting two great blowjobs in a day, can you? It’s the kind of thing that I think maybe only a married guy can really bend his mind around, lucky as we are to maybe get one good blowjob every year. And the professor was digging it big time, no hesitation, no whining, just pigging out on cock, my cock. That was when I decided I liked doing gainerguys for real, right there in George’s bedroom in the hills, and on the way home, I was hoping that the professor might turn out to be a very useful tension reliever for those days when you just need to get off and you know that it ain’t going to be happening at home. Shit, this stuff was great, I thought: I didn’t even have to pay for dinner. He could be my fat cocksucking daddybear any old day he wanted. . . . Well, the thing with George went on for a bunch of months, as a matter of fact. His wife was traveling a lot that summer, some case of hers she was working on, and he’d call whenever she was gone. It got to the point I’d answer the phone at work and all I’d hear was "I’m hungry," which meant "Show up at La Picante at 5:30 pm." Which I would. He built his capacity up to a pretty impressive 35 tacos, and so he blimped to way past 300 in a flash. Or I guess I should say, in reality, he didn’t know what he weighed at that point because the scale they had only went up to 300, a fact I never failed to mention as his "breaking the goddamn scale," which always gave him a hard-on when I said it. And talk about quick, easy and painless--he was a married man’s dream come true, a little bit more of a prissy queen than at first glance, I found out, but hell, I wasn’t about to grouse. Even Janine noticed I seemed to be much more relaxed at home after work on those Fridays, and when she said something about it at dinner, I grinned and said "We’re raking in the dough these days with all these jobs. Sure, I’m in a good mood," wondering what she’d do if she knew I was getting my hose drained on a regular basis by a fatman. It was really all I could to keep from cracking up. But then, it all started having an effect. First thing I caught was me staring at big guys wherever I was, sometimes like really obviously without even knowing I was doing it. Going to Home Depot on the southside was like hog heaven—those dudes must do nothing but munch a bunch in the back, because every last one of them is fat-bellied piglets, waddling around the aisle, guts sticking out, and then they’d get up on those ladders, stomachs and lovehandles hanging out of their shirts with me looking up, and whew, sometimes it just got to be too much for me. I had to sometimes literally close my mouth and try to turn away before I gave the whole jig up right there in the power tool aisle. Then it got a little closer to home when my oldest boy Brad came home from school one day and said that he wanted to try out for wrestling this year, but that it meant putting on 25 pounds and what did I think? I didn’t quite know what to say really, because Brad had always been kind of stocky and had taken shit for it from some of the kids growing up, but he said he and his buddy Dan were going to bulk up together, hit the weights, get big. I got the same kind of freaky feeling then as I had had when I had been jacking off to George’s pic that time while thinking about Janine’s father. So, I said it was his decision, just no drugs or I’d bust his ass, and he looked at me like I had three heads, because I had never said anything like that to him before. I didn’t want to start thinking about what it might be like to have a gainer son right under my own roof, but of course I couldn’t help thinking about it and getting turned on, which it made it kind of hard sometimes to relax when I was with George, because I felt mixed up and kind of weird and guilty. But the final straw came when we all finished the Woodward job, this big mother of a custom house that tipped me into a six-figure income bracket and forced me to hire all the Mexican guys I had working for me now. Anyway, we’d been on that for a solid nine months and the day we turned it over, I took the crew out for a party at this divy Mexican bar place where the muchachos all hung out—figured they could use some serious Corona-action after what a pain in the ass the Woodwards had been with all their design changes and demands. So anyway, I’m the only gringo at this place and there’s Miguel, my foreman, who used to be my handyman and is now running the show for me on site, meanwhile there’s also the whole crowd of his friends and relatives he had me hire who did a good job for me after all because they appreciated getting the steady work so much instead of all that shitty day labor. The cholos are getting plenty blitzed, dancing and carrying on, and I’m feeling no pain either after an easy five or six Coronas, so I go outside for from fresh air and a smoke, about ready to take off when Justino, Miguel’s brother-in-law, comes out, this little fireplug of a Mexican guy, pretty quiet, never said much, to me or to anyone. Justino looks wasted and fumbling lights up a cigarette, too. "I just wanted to say thanks for the work, Senor Douglas. It’s been hard getting jobs, you know." I shrugged and smiled politely, realizing just how buzzed I was. "You all did a good job. Don’t worry about it." So then he’s standing there, shifting back and forth, and if I hadn’t been so shit-faced maybe I could have seen it coming, but then, real casual, he says to me, "You like guys, don’t you?" A chill goes up my spine and I look at him. "What did you say?" I ask him, real sharp, throwing down my cigarette and stamping on it. "I just see the way you look at us. You know, you like guys, too, don’t you, Senor Douglas." Which is when I realized he was fucking trying to come on to me. Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was who knows what, but I stand there like I been hit by lightning and it just fucking comes out of me. "Yeah, I like guys. Only I like fat guys." To this day, I can’t believe I said it, but I guess I thought it would throw him off the trail or something. Or maybe I just wasn’t thinking too straight after all the brew. "So, if I get fat, we can do it?" I couldn’t believe he was serious but damn if he didn’t look like he was, all shy and aggressive at the same time. "You are really a hunk, you know what I’m saying. I think you are a real man, you know." "Justino, come on," I tried to brush it off. "Knock that shit off. You’re married, wife’s pregnant. Who are you trying to shit?" His eyes got real wide and that’s when I really felt the fear of God, because he was dead on, no-shit, totally fucking serious. No joke. "I know. She’s all big, and like, I ain’t had any, and I keep seeing you and, senor, you are like driving me crazy. How much you want me? 200? 250?" Well, I sobered up right quick and realized if I didn’t handle this one right, the jig would be up, because this was Miguel’s wife’s sister’s husband and what one of them knows the whole pack of them knows. All of this was just beginning to hit way, way too close to home, so I bust out laughing, mostly from nerves, and tossed the whole thing off like he was pulling a joke on me. "What are you now? 160, 170? Huh? 200, Justino. You weigh in at 200 and we’ll talk. Okay?" And I poked him in the belly and walked off, sweating pouring off me like I’d jumped in a pool. Fun’s over, I decided that night driving home. No more of this shit. It was getting way too complicated. I wasn’t hiding my tracks well enough, not if fucking Justino, who I said maybe two words to in nine months, could tell what was up with me. Then add on to that the fact that the more I got, the more I wanted, and where was that going to end? I was already jerking off twice a day, checking my E-mail for messages all the time, hoping every phone call was George. So that was easy to take care of. I closed my Hotmail account the next day, and next time George called I pushed delete on the machine and hoped he wouldn’t call back. I continued to get a little bit of a break on this score when Brad told me that his buddy Dan flaked out on the training and that actually the wrestling coach told him to lose weight if he wanted to try out for the team. They’d want him to qualify for a lower weight class if possible, not bulk up. We were all at dinner that night and Janine cracked up when Brad said the coach had said, "It ain’t sumo, you know. I want my boys light." "Guess that means no more apple pie, huh?" she said, dishing out dessert. "Give mine to Dad," he said, flashing me a smile. "He’s the one that needs to bulk up." Yup, it was getting way too close to home, all right. That night I deleted all the gainer shit from the computer—all the links to all the sites, all the stories I had downloaded, all the pics. It took about ten minutes to wipe out almost all of a year’s worth of obsession, which made me feel good because I had always been a little worried about Janine or one of the boys coming across it, even with all my passwords and stuff. George did call twice more, even though I hadn’t called him back, and in the last message said he wouldn’t call again, which also made me feel good. So that was that. Chapter closed on a dark corner of my life. I thought a lot about why and how I had gotten onto that track, but really, mostly I tried to forget about it. And I would have been able to, except for Justino. . .. So, my life is going just totally dead-on normal. It’s a warm spring for a change. I go to work, send Miguel out to supervise the jobs, I stick in the office to handle all the bids and estimates, occasionally go on site to check up on the guys, then I go home, kiss Janine, toss a ball with Brad and Corey, go to my parents for dinner on Sundays. Very straight. Very suburban. Until one day, about two months later, late in the day, there’s this big sort of commotion in the shop outside the office, a bunch of wild Spanish, not angry really, but like all excited, laughing and so forth, all the guys coming in from this commercial store downtown we were hired to remodel, a Italian deli. They all sound like they are having fun, and I hear Miguel on top of all the voices, so I saunter out, the big padron and what’s in front of me but a circle of these Mexican guys, one of them holding Justino with his arms behind his back, another two lifting up his shirt, exposing what has become a big round brown soft beachball of a borriga, and no one else but Miguel standing there with his hands on it, looking real thoughtful, occasionally putting an ear right on Justino’s deep bellybutton. They are all chattering away, and Miguel sees me and gestures for me to come over. "Ay, Douglas. What do you say? Is it going to be a boy or a girl?" I look at Justino who looks at me, not doing shit to get away, big dark eyes with this strange, kind of proud expression on his face, looking right the fuck at me, no less, and I hear another of the Mexicans say, "Si, senor Douglas. We are wondering how Justino’s wife got him pregnant. Maybe you deliver before her, ay, papi?" Meanwhile Miguel is bouncing the belly back and forth in his hands, and I’m looking at all the fresh new fat which shaking like a flan, and of course, I’m immediately hard, because I haven’t had any of this for months and months and months. "If he gives birth, I think it’s going to be a pair of twins—burritos!" "He is a big burrito, what you saying. He’s going to have rice and beans." "Yo, Justino, no beer for you tonight!" They had their fun at this point, especially since I was hanging around, being the boss and all, so after a few more pokes, they all let the poor guy go, though he didn’t seem be too worse for the wear, and still laughing went about getting ready to go home. I, however, tried to seem like it was just some harmless fun, too, but I don’t think I did a very good job, because who should follow me into the office but Justino, not even closing the door, just standing on the other side of it, lifting up his shirt and rubbing it, teasing me. "Not 200 yet, senor, but soon. See, I getting big belly for you, papi. You want to touch, too?" I stood there and glared at him, trying to pull off the same lame "I don’t know what the hell you are talking about" act as I did outside of Los Caballeros, and being about as convincing as I was then. "You make me pregnant. I get big and fat for you, papi." He pulled up his shirt and ran his finger under his gut, licking his lips, looking at me. "You the man. I want the man." Behind him, through the crack of the door, I could see them all taking off for home in their broken down cars, Miguel looking around for Justino then shrugging and taking off in his new truck. The place was quiet. "Come on, Justino. Don’t do this. You don’t want to do this. I mean, last time, you were drunk. It was a joke. At least I thought it was a joke." He looked at me hard, real hard, almost buying it and then, I blew it. Without thinking, I pulled on my crotch, and he caught me. "Come on, you, senor. No one know. I promise. Who I tell, my wife? Your wife? Women don’t care. My wife like me big and fat. She feed me like a big pig. Feed me like she eating. Feed me for two. Only she don’t know. Come on, senor. I’m happy, she’s happy. You be happy." And knowing I was completely fucked, really deeply, seriously fucked, what do I do? Well, about the only thing I could do. I walked over and closed the door on the two of us, making sure it was locked. "No one knows?" I asked. He grinned. "Senor, we two married men." In everything he had said to me, it was that happy part that got to me: what was "happy"? What it would feel like? For the time being, though, I tried not to think about things like that, choosing to lose my soul instead, burying my face in all that new warm flesh of his, rolls of manfat grown just for me.