#gave them storylines and character growth

[macallai]

picard 3x07 thoughts (spoilers)

no offense and like i know it’s star trek *picard* but i literally don’t care about all these old men...like why do we need to bring data back and spend 20 minutes talking to him. he already died!! why do we need this. what is it contributing

[lemotmo]

!!!! This This This. We cannot help them anymore. This is it. This is the entire point !!!! Surely they see this?!?!

Q. Nope sorry I call foul. They absolutely played us. They built up this big plane emergency and released just enough grainy, no context BTS stuff to imply that Tommy would be utilized, because why would you not use your canon PILOT to help land a freaking plane, and not only was he not utilized he wasn't even in the two episodes. They used him to generate the buzz but then left him out completely. Nope that's disgusting.

A. I debated whether or not to answer this and initially I was going to ignore it, but I decided this was a good opportunity to highlight the difference between show importance and fandom importance. The show didn't use him to promote anything. We got b&w photos of a hanger, a partial plane, trucks from every fire station in the 911 universe and a grainy image of someone's silhouette. That was the BTS of these episodes. You all made them about Tommy because that's what you've done since 7x4. The show has never made anything about Tommy. You all twist everything into being about Tommy so you can call foul when it inevitably has nothing at all to do with him.

Tommy has never existed as a character in his own right. His has never had a scene that was about him. Every scene and interaction has had something to do with the development of one of the core four. For Chim and Hen they needed him to be racist and sexist, so that's how they wrote him. He only changed his behavior towards them when they had done something that he felt was worthy of changing his opinion. But it wasn't about changing how Tommy saw them, it was about changing how they saw themselves. Tommy wasn't the point of anything. He was the plot device used to help them with their character growth. When it came time to do Buck's bi storyline they needed a plot device to help introduce him to that new realization. So Tommy was written as gay. He was given a few sentences about struggling to accept himself and come out as a way to explain to the audience why he wasn't gay when we were first introduced to him. The reality is though that he wasn't gay when we first met him. He's gay now because the plot called for him to be gay. That's the entire point of a plot device. They become whatever the plot needs their character to be because they are not the point. The plot they are being used for is the point. In this case Buck and by extension Eddie are the point. So Tommy becomes whatever Buck or Eddie need his character to be.

Tommy wasn't involved in the opening arc because the opening arc wasn't about Buck or whatever internal struggle Eddie is dealing with. As far as the show is concerned Tommy doesn't exist outside of that story bubble so he doesn't need to be used in any other storyline on the show. Again, that's the entire point of a plot device. They exist only to move the plot they're involved in forward. It was important that he was a pilot last season because it was a way to introduce him to Buck and Eddie. It's not important anymore. That particular aspect of him has already served its purpose. The show no longer cares that he's a pilot because they don't need that part of him in the Buck storyline anymore. He had a scene in 8x1 because it was a scene about Eddie and by extension Buck so Tommy was needed because that's the storyline he's being used for. But any scene not related to Buck and Eddie's plot will not utilize Tommy because he doesn't exist outside of that plot. I know I keep saying this, but again, that's the entire point of a plot device. He doesn't exist for himself. He only exists for the plot.

The show gave you a handful of scenes. None of them had anything whatsoever to do with Tommy. They showed him during the cruise ship rescue with Buck and Eddie. They showed him playing basketball with Eddie and Buck being jealous. They showed him going to Buck's to apologize for coming between Buck and Eddie, a scene in which Eddie's name was said so many times it's hysterical. They showed him and Buck on a first date where they ran into Eddie. They showed a coffee date where Buck says he wants to try and invites him to his sister's wedding. They showed him at the bachelor party, again with Buck and Eddie only this time they were also dressed in coordinating costumes. They showed him at the medal ceremony, but not as Buck's person when he received his medal. They showed him at the hospital where Buck basically outed himself to everyone but made a point of showing Eddie's reaction. They showed him having dinner with Buck after Bobby's accident, a scene that's more interesting to me now and I will explain why in a minute. Then his one scene in the first episode of the season. He doesn't exist away from Buck or Eddie. But you all took those scenes and made them about him. You made the first kiss about Tommy instead of Buck's clear misplacement of what his true confusion was in that moment. You took the bachelor party scene and made it about Tommy showing effort by bothering to show up and chose to ignore the entire point of the bachelor party scenes which were Buck and Eddie. You took the dinner scene in the finale and made it a flirty date ignoring the awkward point of that scene entirely.

The dinner scene from the finale is really interesting to me now that we have Oliver's interviews and the Tommy/Henren deleted scene as context. The dialogue in that scene is brutally awkward and cringe and while I still think it was wildly out of place within the episode it does make more sense to me now. Buck tried to initiate a meaningful conversation in that scene. He tried to make an emotional connection and Tommy turned that attempt into a daddy sex joke. Oliver's comments about Buck viewing their relationship through 'rose colored glasses' and the deleted scene establishing that Tommy, rightfully so, is allowing Buck to set the pace of things within their relationship is very interesting. We know that we are now 3 plus months into their relationship and with the added context of Oliver's interviews and the deleted scene that would indicate Buck is the one who is actually avoiding the deeper conversations. I think part of Buck realized during that dinner that they weren't a compatible match. But he desperately wants to make a relationship work, especially if he currently believes the thing he kept getting wrong was the gender and not the actual relationships. So as a result Buck decided to avoid dealing with things that reinforced their incompatibility and has chosen to keep things surface level deep because he knows the physical aspect is what he can offer and do well. Having the current storyline push him to the point where he will no longer be able to avoid talking about and dealing with those issues is a very interesting way to handle Buck's part of the bigger storyline. They have to get Buck to a place where he can acknowledge he has more to offer someone than sex. So I'm really curious to see how that part goes over the coming episodes. I got off track there, anon. But the reality is the show and Oliver didn't play you at all. You all chose to play yourselves by refusing to acknowledge things that were not being hidden from you. The show has been very clear and obvious with what they are doing with Tommy. Stop trying to pretend their intentions away because they don't fit your headcanons.

Thank you Nonny!

Okay, I'm just going to post this without any of my own comments, because I feel this really summarises the whole T and BT discourse. I try to always post about the show and the fictional characters and leave fandom out of it, but in this case it can't be avoided because fandom is a part of the problem.

Ali talks about 'show importance' and 'fandom importance' and that's so relevant right now.

Please remember, this doesn't come from a place of hatred, but rather a place of 'logical thinking' and 'understanding' what the show is telling us. What story they are really showing and how fandom perceptions can sometimes be deceiving.

It's a damn good read.

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[jennaimmortal]

Musings on OFMD Season 2

I’m feeling a bit sad today for the OFMD writers. After rewatching S1 & 2 a couple times, it’s become blatantly clear to me that Izzy’s arc this season was a very obvious love letter to both Izzy fans & the great Con O’Neil. Izzy was very clearly written to be an obstacle to Ed’s healing & personal growth, a snare that Ed needed to be freed from, albeit with plenty of nuance hiding under the surface. It would have been much easier for them to kill Izzy off while he was still the toxic, abusive, sadomasochistic terror of S1E10.

Instead of taking the easy route, though, the writers flipped the trope on its head! They utilized every bit of the potential buried beneath Izzy’s super fucked up shell. This season Izzy got

• a fully fleshed out redemption complete with terrible consequences of his 1x10 actions

• a realization of the possibility of another way of thinking & existing that he’d spent all of S1 running from & trying to destroy,

• genuine love & support from his crew mates which he was actually able to accept,

• exploration of the long abandoned softer side of his nature,

• an apology from Ed w/o first offering one of his own,

• a powerful, devastatingly poignant speech that mentally demolished a new nemesis, and finally

• a beautiful, meaningful death in the arms of the man he’d dedicated so much of his life to, known that he was truly loved by him & completely accepting of the fact that Ed’s love was not in the form he’d always hoped for.

It was so much more than we could have hoped for, and was very obviously done in service to the MANY fans that had fallen in love with Izzy even after S1, as well as to give Con a storyline worthy of his immense talent. Considering the face that Izzy was never going to end up becoming the show’s third protagonist, it was more than we could have hoped for!

OFMD has two protagonists, Stede & Ed. All the secondary character narratives that haven’t directly involved Ed and/or Stede have been icing on the cake, but the cake has always been the Gentlebeard love story. I feel like some people forget this, expecting them to treat the secondary characters as if it were an ensemble show instead of a show with leads.

Izzy’s arc really was an amazing gift! The writers gave us this incredible journey for Izzy this season, and what did a disgraceful number of people do? They attacked David directly, insulted the entire show, the writers, & other characters, even wishing actual harm & misery to other characters or even to David himself!

While I know that comparatively speaking, the percentage of show fans who reacted this way was relatively small, it was still an astounding amount of hatred & vitriol thrown at the people who had obviously worked very hard to give Izzy fans something beautiful to hold on to after his inevitable death. Much of the discourse honestly shocked me, considering the fact that OFMD isn’t even an adaptation of another work.

When fans get angry at shows written as adaptations of books, it’s a bit more understandable for them to have extreme reactions. They’ve had certain ideas and headcanons about characters they’ve felt very strongly about for a long time. It can be really jarring & painful when expectations like that aren’t met, the characters or plots are taken in totally different directions, or even excluded entirely.

OFMD, however, is an original creation. This is David Jenkins’s story. These are David Jenkins’s characters. He knows his story, his plotlines, his characters far better than anyone else does because they came from HIS brain! So while we as fans can have our own interpretations & head canons, they are always going to be at risk of being proven totally wrong by the ACTUAL canon.

One of the worst aspects of fandoms, in my opinion, is the way people become so proprietary over the story & characters, insisting that their own interpretations & theories are the only correct ones, which is exactly what happened with Izzy. Fans’ individual & collective interpretations, theories, hopes, & other head canons became concrete & true in their minds. So much so that when the actual story didn’t meet those expectations, so many of them lashed out in some truly unpleasant, sometimes hateful ways.

My only hope is that the rest of the fandom’s love, appreciation, constructive criticism, heartbreak, pain, joy, & excitement has been enough to drown out the deluge of vitriolic comments directed at David & the other writers.

If you stuck with me through this unintentionally long diatribe, thank you! Maybe take a moment to give the writers some comments or replies on social media, showing your love! I know I will!

[unrealisticlea]

I know I said since s1 that the only thing that would make me truly stop watching the show is Bobby leaving because he’s my favourite character and my favorite thing about the show is Buck and Bobby relationship.

I still think that. However, when I said it, I never imagined the show would break my heart so cruelly and out of nowhere.

I was disappointed by 911 many times before. I was disappointed when Buck and Abby got together in s1 because I thought it was creepy. I was disappointed by Hen cheating. I hated every single “Blue Lives Matter” storylines and there were many of them. I never rewatched season 5 because I couldn’t stand the show with half of the main cast gone. Don’t get me started on season 6, and how they treated what could have been some potentially very powerful storylines as jokes (Madney Engagement, Eddie’s loneliness, Buck’s being a sperm donor). I thought I was done with the show after season 6 because I hated the “everyone gets a nuclear family” ending. I wanted buddie to happen and the 6x18 gave me the clear idea that it wasn’t gonna happen.

I came back every time because those stuff never felt malicious. And I’m a grown-up and I know some of them I didn’t like because of my own expectations and other simply didn’t cater to my taste.

but this time I did nothing wrong. I didn’t interpret colors and furniture like I did with buddie. I didn’t get my own hopes up about Buck getting some character growth like I did with the Sperm Donor storyline.

I interpreted the show at face value and they were the one who got my expectations up and they were the one who told me that Tommy was good for Buck and they were the one who told me Tommy was a good boyfriend. They were the one who showed me this lonely man who was only looking for a family and got very close to being incorporated into the show’s found family. They were the one who clearly wanted me to care about the character and the relationship.

I don’t know if they changed their mind, if there were BTS issues, if they gave into the bullying and I honestly don’t care. This show broke my heart once again and I don’t care why it did it this time because for the first time in 8 seasons it feels like it broke my heart on purpose and they did nothing to soften the blow.

I always came back because 911 was always very careful with the audience’s feelings and it always felt like it strived to be people’s comfort show about what’s good about humanity and about showing up for each other, despite everything.

and this feels like the opposite of that, they got so many people invested in Tommy’s happiness and in his relationship with Buck and then out of nowhere they took everything away. There was no sad ending and no happy ending, there was no ending, it was just interrupted.

and I’m sorry, I still love every character and I would love to see more of Bobby but i don’t watch shows that break their audience’s hearts on purpose. kudos for you if you do. but I’m not brave enough. life is already hard as it is.

[seikilos-stele]

There are many different ways to define the “main character” of a story, but the one I found most useful growing up is this: “the main character is the one who grows the most.” Sometimes, that means your POV character isn’t the main character. By nature, whoever grows the most will be the one audiences are drawn to; this is why audiences frequently gravitate toward side characters in ongoing tv shows; because we sense the capacity for more growth in Sidekick #3 than in Hero #1. To cope with this, the writer’s room will typically push Sidekick #3 out of the story entirely or will coax him into the spotlight and develop storylines just for him, thereby making him into a main character.

This is what we saw in OFMD. Ed and Stede were the main characters of S1. They had plenty of growth ahead of them and audiences were excited to see that teased out. Stede — selfish, out of touch, gentlemanly — longed to remake himself into a fearsome pirate. Ed — jaded, bored, infamously badass — longed to leave piracy behind and find something more meaningful. He didn’t yet know what would be most meaningful for him, and we were excited to watch Ed and Stede meet and figure it out together.

However, at the same time, the writers gave us Sidekick #3 — Izzy. Humorless, snarling, rage-filled, Izzy was your stereotypical henchman. This put him at immense odds with the rest of the cast. While everyone else, including Blackbeard, Fang, and Ivan, took to Stede’s management style, Izzy chafed under it and lashed out. Already, we can see that he has a lot of growing to do before he can get on the same level as the rest of the crew. That alone makes Izzy interesting, from an audience perspective. But what really enhances it is Con O’Neill’s performance — he brings an interiority to Izzy that’s lacking from the other characters; from his expressions to the intonation of dialogue, Con is always hinting that there’s something more to Izzy than what meets the eye.

Fans noticed. What exactly is going on inside this weird angry little rat? Why is he so furious all the time, and why is he so loyal to Ed? What will it take for him to let go of that anger and be part of the crew? By setting Izzy apart from the cast, the writers automatically set him up for an arc of growth. In S2, we watched that growth arc come into full swing. From E1-6, Izzy is on a constant climb up that hill to be part of the crew. We watch him take a bullet for the crew in E1, then attempt suicide in E2; we watch him try and fail to save the crew from execution in E3; in E4 Izzy is given a new leg and embraces his role as the ship’s figurehead. In E5 he works to train Stede and gives advice to Lucius on letting go of trauma. In E6 he embraces drag and performs in front of the crew. We see him, throughout S2, physically leaning on his crewmates and even crying in their arms — acts that S1 Izzy would never do. And we see him grappling with his relationship with Ed, admitting his love for him, mutinying against him, finding who he is without him.

By contrast, in S2, Ed’s and Stede’s growth hit a roadblock. As an Ed fan in particular, it was tough to watch him stagnate and backslide in this season. He makes no effort toward growth or change, and his efforts to leave Blackbeard behind are displayed not as growth but as a form of cowardice — running away from his problems rather than facing them head-on. Stede, at first, seems to be making progress. He makes strides as a pirate and even attains fame. But this progress toward his goals does nothing for his personal growth. Instead, it seems to catapult Stede back into his least-savory self from S1: selfish, out of touch, and vain. He and Ed enable each other in their determination NOT to grow, while Izzy fights for growth in every episode leading up to the finale.

This, essentially, is why so many fans believed Izzy was a main character. And it’s a good part of why so many fans were shocked when Izzy was killed off to service Ed’s growth, and his relationship with Stede. We spent a whole season watching him be the main character, only to be told at the end that he was really just Sidekick #3 all along. This strikes me as dishonest and unskilled, like the writers were working off intuition — good intuition, granted, for most of the season — without any real understanding or intentionality behind their decisions. They were working off what “felt” right without interrogating why it felt right, and when they hit the season finale, all those instinctive, thoughtless decisions came crashing down. The rubble left behind is difficult to sort through and honestly doesn’t make much sense. And, as an audience, we’re left with a season-long growth arc that was bafflingly cut off before it could culminate — and a prospective S3 where one of the main characters is dead and buried, after only a single season to shine.

[meimi-haneoka]

Clear Card Trivia 3 ~ Sakura's journey of growth and self-understanding throughout Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card

Hello and welcome back to my "Clear Card Trivia" series, a collection of informative posts where I delve into certain aspects of the story of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card! ✨

The topic I will talk about today has been on my "to-do list" for long time. It's something I felt the need to talk about, and I won't hide the reason why: the desire to fully eviscerate this topic grew particularly after reading around certain criticism of Clear Card Arc. But also after listening to CLAMP's Twitter Spaces, particularly the ones towards the end of the story.

It's something that, setting aside my obvious love for the new characters, will always make me think that Clear Card Arc has been a very welcome addition to the series.

This post will delve into Sakura's growth throughout Clear Card Arc.

Sakura grew up considerably during the story, and had a character development that sadly not many people truly realized.

I'm not talking about an evolution of the character design which, despite changing and evolving throughout the story (as it's expected for a long-running serialization), kept depicting Sakura consistently with quite young looks...no, I'm talking about her mental growth, in relation to her self-knowledge and her relationship with her magic powers.

A journey that might almost feel "frustrating", because it is full of "up and downs", and Sakura sometimes seems to be taking one step forward and two back. Aside from the obvious practical reasons (the plot had to develop several other storylines simultaneously), it very much reflects the realistic growth of a pre-teen, which is never a straight line but is made of improvements and relapses.

Along the journey, I couldn't really avoid mentioning some bits of the development of Sakura's relationship with Syaoran, which will get its own deep and detailed post another day.

There's also an extra about the significance of the Clear Cards in the story, at the end.

I have to be honest, the post is very long, but I tried to insert visual elements to make it easier on the eye. If you're curious to know how the hell I found so much to talk about for this specific topic, follow me under the cut and dive into Sakura's journey throughout Clear Card (it's also a good way to review the story)! ✨

A Disconnected Beginning

Clear Card Arc starts in a very "festive" and happy way: everything is peaceful, a new exciting chapter of Sakura's educational life is starting with the beginning of middle school, Syaoran is back to Tomoeda, this time to stay forever with his beloved girl...everything seems so perfect. And precisely in chapter 1, before everything takes an unexpected turn, we have this scene here, which I consider the "true" beginning of everything:

Sakura says "I haven't been using this lately...well, that's for the better".

At the beginning of Clear Card Arc, Sakura seems to be feeling disconnected from her natural gift.

Despite she had to go on a quest to collect all the Clow Cards, which later she gave a new life to by changing them into Sakura Cards, we have to remember that Sakura was born with magic powers. They weren't bestowed on her by Kero-chan, nor by the contract with the Clow Book: she always had magic in her blood, and it apparently "woke up" on that fateful day she found the Clow Book in the library of her father.

At the beginning of this arc, Sakura seems to think that the purpose, the meaning of this natural gift which is literally part of herself, has been fulfilled by transforming all the Cards, and splitting Eriol's power as he had requested. Her words here seem to be suggesting a general idea of "if I have to use this key (therefore, my magic powers), it means something troublesome is happening, so it's better if I'm not using it because it means everything is okay".

And although we can't really deny that what happened afterwards is far from being able to be considered "peaceful", this scene here always left a bad taste in my mouth because there's almost a negative vibe attached to the idea of her magic, transpiring from Sakura's words. It's almost as if she's politely rejecting it.

Precisely after she places her Star Key in her jewelry box, probably hoping to never have to use it again, she has her first premonitory dream of the events that will shake her life afterwards. Almost as if her powers were trying to tell her "no my dear, this is you and you'd better come to terms with it as soon as possible".

Then, as we all know, the Cards turn blank. Sakura produces a new key while having another dream and a quest to fight and "secure" some strange phenomena happening around her begins, leaving her in a state of increasing confusion.

This is the beginning of the part of the story that I quite literally call "Sakura loses sight of herself".

At this very early stage of the story, she still doesn't know that she started losing control over her increasing magical power, and it is definitely not a coincidence that all of this began when she thought of shutting her main magic tool away in a box, hoping to ignore it forever. For plot reasons, this also happens simultaneously to Syaoran taking the spirits of the Sakura Cards away from her (because in the beginning, you had to be tricked into thinking he was up to something shady and was the real mastermind behind all the incidents).

Syaoran expected for Sakura to lose control over her powers, as his mother predicted a general period of trouble for her that could lead her to unhappiness, albeit without any clear indication of what could happen: Syaoran came to Japan knowing something was bound to happen to his girl and her powers, and that something was going to lead her to grief, but he had no idea about all the rest. So his uncertain and reckless approach, which ended up in some cases worsening the situation, is also somewhat understandable. He was acting like a worried, overprotective boyfriend at his wit's end.

The strange events, which Sakura materializes into a new set of Cards, surely leave her distraught and confused, not to mention the situation with the Sakura Cards and Eriol's missing replies, but I feel that what really destabilizes her core are the constant dreams she gets, sometimes even in the middle of her waking hours, making her faint on the spot wherever she is.

Premonitory dreams are a part of her natural gift that she began to express ever since the OG manga, but she never seemed to really understand them or take them seriously.

This time around, she keeps seeing this cloaked figure and this terrifying dragon, no one speaks a word despite her relentless questions and the cloaked figure seems to be wanting to take her newly made key away (Lilie!!! what were you trying to do!! *facepalm* she probably tried to pull her closer so she could talk to her), so it's just normal that all of that leaves her increasingly stressed and anxious, even though initially you never see her openly and verbally stating that, due to her overall positive nature ("I'll manage it, somehow" is part of her "everything will be alright" invincible spell, and this is indeed what she keeps telling herself in the beginning of the arc, even though in some occasions it turned out to be a double-edged sword, as sometimes it looked more like sweeping her fears under the carpet, to me).

"Something Is Not Right"

Dream after dream, Card after Card, Sakura begins to have these general feelings of discomfort and of "something is not right, here", as she openly states to Syaoran in this scene of volume 4, chapter 14. There's something about this situation that is pricking her sixth sense, and makes her uneasy, but she can't quite put her finger on it yet. All she can do is to keep "fighting" these phenomena happening around her, hoping to find out more along the way. She reiterates the same feeling of uneasiness at the end of chapter 15, after what I consider one of the most concerning side-effects of her poor control over her powers: Sakura seems almost "in trance" while she leads her guardians to the exit of the maze, and acts in a very uncharacteristic, cold way by shoving her bag in front of Yue to make him hold it for her. It's almost as if her magical sixth sense worked too strongly and warped her personality in that moment: an effect that has been mentioned several times in relation to powerful magicians like Clow, Eriol and later Kaito too, so it's not farfetched at all to attribute this one-off occurrence to her loss of control over her strong powers, which ended up affecting her personality too. Luckily, it didn't happen again in the rest of the story and the capture of this Card was completely changed in the anime (a wise decision imho, since the JP fandom is particularly fussy about the integrity of Sakura's character, and she needed to stay "Sakura" in order to do what she did at the end).

At the culmination of a "mini arc" (the visit to great-grandpa Masaki) characterized by uncontrolled visions of Nadeshiko, another frightening dream (one that ended up dragging even Akiho in, due to the synchronization) and Sakura for the first time ever confronting Syaoran about the things he's been hiding from her, we reach the following scene of volume 5, chapter 23.

"I Wish I Had A Mirror"

I always considered this scene extremely important, because for the first time Sakura spells out clearly the inner turmoil that's been gnawing at her soul ever since this ordeal with the new Cards started.

"The truth is...I'm the worst at understanding myself. And that is probably causing lots of concern to everyone." "I wish I had a mirror. A mirror that could reflect the real me. Then, I would probably understand how to not make everyone worry"

Here, Sakura clearly spells out the frustration of knowing, feeling in her bones that there's something wrong with her, something that she's not understanding about herself, and that something is causing problems, but most importantly, is causing her loved ones to worry about her. Let's not forget that not only Syaoran, but also Yukito, Touya, Fujitaka, Tomoyo, Eriol & his family have all been watching her situation in apprehension, each of them making decisions and moving discretely in a direction they felt was right (and admittedly, not all instances were so).

Sakura can somehow feel all of that, she can feel that it's related to something she still hasn't realized about herself. This tends to be forgotten because it happens in a relatively early part of the plot, but notice how this is the same problem Kaito suffers from. A quite stunted ability to understand oneself. Sakura and Kaito definitely have lots in common, when it comes to this specific part of themselves. Keep this in mind, because it'll be relevant later.

And then, the situation worsens.

Sakura's dreams start to terrify her, because they begin to show Syaoran's face under the cloak of the mysterious figure who's scaring her in her dreams. An apparent truth she cannot accept, she won't accept, even though she's still unsure about what exactly these dreams she's having are. Despite her boyfriend has been acting shady for long time, she decides to trust him and wait for him to talk to her about all the stuff he's holding inside, instead of putting him through the wringer. This also means, though, that Sakura will keep all her fears to herself, eventually bottling up.

Furthermore, Kaito starts to rewind time to fix a situation without a way out (in chapter 28, Akiho was on the verge of going berserk completely and unleash the artifact), creating an additional sense of confusion when Sakura can feel that her finger is numb due to strain, but she can't understand why (she had fought Kaito's time magic unconsciously). Whenever Kaito will rewind time, even later on, Sakura's magical sixth sense will try to wake her consciousness up more and more, giving her these vibes of "deja vu" or making her act in an apparently inexplicable way.

In the first part of Clear Card, Sakura sometimes literally looks like a soul wandering about in confusion, dragged by the events.

I wish to point out that this is not a flaw in the characterization, it is a precise design by CLAMP. Sakura IS, in this part of the story, confused and lost, overwhelmed by the events. She has no idea how to approach this matter other than "treating the symptoms" as they come. This happens because she's still, surprisingly, quite reluctant to embrace a fundamental part of herself: her innate magic power, which expresses itself mainly through her intuition. But we'll gradually get there.

Around chapter 30, before the big realization, Sakura's situation reached a point where:

- her Sakura Cards unexpectedly became blank; - almost everyday (sometimes multiple times a day) there's a new incident that she secures into new transparent Cards; - she constantly sees ominous dreams (in scattered order) with a cloaked figure acting in a questionable way and a scary dragon, and at some point she starts seeing her boyfriend under that cloak; - her boyfriend acts shady, Eriol doesn't reply to her messages; - there's a general feeling of "something is not right" with her magic and some stuff starts to not make sense to her (because Kaito rewinds time)

It is at this point that Sakura finally moves one (giant) step forward and connects all the "puzzle pieces" she collected (particularly, how much more "obvious" the creation of a Card became) and understands that she's been the one causing subconsciously each and every single incident that lead to the creation of a new transparent Card.

"I'm Angry At Myself"

And with Syaoran finally coming clean with her (because at that point he had no reason to keep things hidden anymore, as the thing he was trying to delay ultimately happened - and believe me, I'm sure he partly felt relieved to not need to lie anymore, as that took quite a toll on him too), Sakura can at last give an explanation to at least a part of the things that are happening. And she finally realizes that the doubt that was tormenting her was true: she DID, in fact, not understand something very important about herself, she didn't realize that it was her own power going out of control and that all the incidents that happened bore "her magic signature", so to speak. She failed to "tune in" with her magic.

For the first time ever, Sakura expresses anger at herself.

She will direct that anger (to a lesser extent) to Syaoran too, but I'll tackle that in a separate post.

This is a moment of deep reflection and regrets for Sakura: the poor understanding of herself, the poor "communication" between her heart and her magic powers brought to a situation where her most beloved person was putting himself in danger in order to protect her, while trying to not make things escalate. This is a very sensitive, beautiful and important moment, steeped in conflicting and complex feelings (and remember, Sakura is just a pre-teen. It is normal for a pre-teen like her to not understand herself, but there's just one tiny detail: she's not a common pre-teen, due to her natural gift, and she needs to take that into account). Eventually Sakura calms down, and after creating Rewind, her resolute face while hugging tightly Syaoran suggests that from now on she'll face this matter from another, more courageous and determined perspective.

Or at least, these were her good intentions. Because unfortunately, insecurities are hard to eradicate and in the central part of the story it's shocking to realize how far longer Sakura will insist in shutting away her emotions and refusing to listen to her heart (and intuition) fully.

"It's Just My Imagination"

Part of Sakura's anxiety might have been sedated with the revelation that the Clear Cards are produced by the girl herself, but unfortunately the true core of her problems was not solved at all and will only surface more clearly in the next 20 chapters.

Sakura actively starts having "premonitory bad feelings" when she sees Akiho in volume 7 chapter 34, a bad feeling that she does check with Syaoran, but quickly dismisses as "well, it's just my imagination". This will basically be one of the major problems preventing her from reaching the complete control of her magic. Sakura, knowing her magic potential, should've given way more credit to her sixth sense, but her anxiety, her insecurity and her crippled connection to her innate gift still pushes her to dismiss these "signs" as nothing really important or true. Timely as hell, a few hours later something bad will indeed happen to Akiho, where she completely loses consciousness for the first time and the clan/Association actively starts to absorb Sakura's power through the artifact implanted in Akiho. All of this was caused by the high concentration of magic that "triggered" Akiho's artifact (and here I have to sarcastically "applaud" Kaito, just like Syaoran he's another one who does stuff before thinking through, ultimately worsening the problem).

Once trapped in Akiho's artifact, thanks to her power Sakura can see the most horrifying glimpse of Akiho's past, when she was turned into a magic artifact, by living it on her own skin. And even though Kaito is forced to rewind time once again to save the situation, erasing these memories from Sakura's head, her heart (which is tightly connected to her magical sixth sense - I'd daresay her heart is straight up the source of her magic) DOES REMEMBER, pushing Sakura to act in an apparently irrational way, crying and hugging Akiho tight in empathy. Sakura is particularly shaken by this feeling, still in pain even hours later, but once again she doesn't understand where it comes from. However, she does express with Syaoran an intention to talk to him about it once she's able to put it into words, and in the meantime do her best with all the rest. At least, there's an intention to understand better this part of herself, but it's still soon to see actual results.

Aaand CLAMP really seem to be wanting to test Sakura in this arc, because at this point of the plot, they add the electrocution spell. 😅 No one seems to understand who caused it (it's not Sakura, nor Kaito, but now we know it was none other than Yelan!!) and Sakura's anxiety increases once again. The fact only Syaoran gets affected by it inevitably reignites the doubts in her mind, unwittingly reminded of that terrifying dream of Cloaked Syaoran she keeps seeing...but she stubbornly keeps telling herself "no, it's not like that, it's just a dream". It's undeniable that this situation where she cannot understand her foretelling dreams yet, and the way they show her scattered hints because her power is out of control, has surely contributed to Sakura's insecurity when it comes to trust her own intuition.

Her power is so out of control at this point, that even when Kaito shrinks her and throws her in a hole carved into a tree (landing in a "world" created with magic where he hopes she'll create the right Card) her dreams take over again (it's apparent by the "shaaan" sound and how everything turns suddenly pitch black, a common background of her dreams), showing her Akiho in the dress she was wearing when she was turned into an artifact and, inevitably, Sakura's biggest fear, "Cloaked Syaoran". Pay attention because these visions she's getting here thanks to her power match what will happen later on: what the talking flowers tell her here will turn out to be the beginning of the lyrics of the main theme of the "Alice in Clockland" play. This vision of Cloaked Syaoran seemingly "about to do something" to Akiho horrifies Sakura to the point of screaming in terror and creating one of the most unsettling Cards, "Break". It is after this very scary moment that Sakura starts to wonder very specifically for what purpose she is creating all these Cards. The purpose is actually more than one, but she definitely posed herself THE RIGHT question, as this brings her one step closer to the core of the problem and eventually embracing her own magic abilities.

Then, between chapters 43 and 45 we finally start to see some changes in Sakura: surprisingly, she begins to listen more to her sixth sense, first catching Yukito red-handed while activating a newly acquired magic, and then wondering about a strange painful feeling in her chest when her father tells her that lately she and Akiho became even more similar. We were all lead to believe that this was the foreshadowing of Akiho taking her place (cause everything in the plot at this point deceivingly hints at Kaito wanting to switch them), but she actually was getting foreshadowings of the "rewritten world", where Sakura would genuinely feel wrecked to know that someone important to Akiho was missing, precisely when Akiho would've become part of her family as her twin. In fact, in chapter 45, before falling completely asleep, she hears again the ominous "you won't be able to come back" (the Association's threat to Kaito), wondering WHO wouldn't be able to come back - somehow, Sakura knows that it's not directed at her.

"Just Tell me Honestly How You Feel"

And then, we reach another moment that I consider pivotal for Sakura's growth during this Clear Card Arc. The moment when she's on the verge of breaking down and finally lets all her feelings out.

Her anxiety over the dream with the Cloaked Figure reached the highest peak, so much that she finally manifests a Card, Mirage, that challenges her precisely with that appearance. While Sakura battles that Card (which at the moment she still believes it's an actual person), she seems resoluted to get to the bottom of this story, and to pull down that hood to know the truth. You can really feel that she's so done with all this psychological torture. The fact the real Syaoran appears right at that moment and she finds out the person she saw was just a Card is partly a relief for her, but also throws Sakura again in despair because who the hell is that person in the dream, then??

Syaoran, as the good and attentive boyfriend he is, can just feel that Sakura is stressing over something, so he brings her to his home to help her calming down. And to her umpteenth attempt at sweeping her negative emotions under the carpet, beating around the bush commenting over the tea with a fake smile, he cuts immediately her bullshit and just tells her : "You don't need to force yourself. Just tell me how you feel right now". When she hears that she's allowed to speak out her emotions with honesty, Sakura wears on her face one of the most heartbreaking expressions of the entire manga. She's literally about to break down in tears of exhaustion, as you can see it above. ☝️ Listening to her, gradually, Syaoran encourages Sakura to get out all that's been torturing her lately, particularly about the dream with the Cloaked Figure. It is a very difficult moment for her, because she has to relive the dream, and expose in front of him all the fears and doubts that were trying to tamper with her trust in him. Courageously, she goes through with it, even though her denial ("it's just a dream!") is so strong that she ends up creating another Card: "Dreaming". Sakura at first seems relieved to see the Card, in the hope that everything she saw was indeed a mere messed up dream and nothing else (see? she's again self-sabotaging her relationship with her magic) but Syaoran with his frankness is quick to bring her feet on the ground: the kanji on the Card show "yumemi", and the word can also indicate a "foretelling dream".

Although Sakura seems disheartened at first, her next dream with the Cloaked Figure is much more relaxed, so much that even the dragon doesn't particularly scare her anymore: our girl's intuition makes her correctly feel a sense of loneliness in this dream, which she attributes to the hooded figure, not realizing that it was more likely coming from the dragon itself (aka, Kaito). After all, in chapter 72, Lilie will confirm that her presence ended up distracting her from the one "character" she should've paid all of her attention to. Her intuition, despite being misattributed, ended up having a positive effect through the synchronization with Akiho: the girl will wake up with the same feeling of discomfort of her friend, and as if guided by hitsuzen, she will head to the garden where she'll find a sickly Kaito staring at the moon - most likely feeling the loneliness Sakura perceived in her dream. I like to think that in this scene of chapter 48, Sakura subconsciously helped Akiho comforting Kaito, by waking her up with the unresting feeling, precisely when Kaito needed it the most. Still not completely embraced her magical sixth sense yet, but a significant improvement.

The road between chapter 48 and chapter 52 is paved with lots of struggles, as the Mirror Sakura Card gets stolen by Kaito, Sakura runs the risk of being absorbed into Akiho's artifact again, she meets Momo for the first time and she's even given a hint about Kaito's plan (or what Momo thought was his plan, as he had benignly lied to her about that), but almost all of that gets rewound and erased when Kaito intervenes. Moreover, despite not remembering anything consciously, Sakura is left with a sense of unhappiness when she looks at her home, a remnant of her brief journey in the world of Momo's book which straight up threw her into despair, showing her what her life would be if everyone forgot about her. She also finds once again a Card produced out of nowhere, "Time": I'm convinced she produced this Card because her conscience was awake while Momo and Kaito talked in stopped time, and their conversation triggered her sixth sense to produce Time as a result. Needless to say, all of this worsens her state of mind once again, which leads to the other pivotal, and finally resolutive, scene of chapter 52.

Never Avert Your Eyes From Your Heart

We finally get to what I consider THE scene, the one that will definitively shake Sakura from her deadlock, from the anxiety that stunted her connection with her innate gift and her deepest emotions. And the one who helps her overcoming all her fears is, of course, the love of her life - with a honorable mention for none other than his mother Yelan!!

Chapter 52 got a very, very special place in my heart, because it's basically one giant parallel between SyaoSaku and YunaAki. The two pairings experience similar situations, but the response from one side of each pairing is quite different. Let's remind you for a moment of the part earlier in this post when I told you that Kaito and Sakura, for most of Clear Card, surprisingly have one thing in common: they don't seem to understand themselves well enough, and both have a tendency to look away from feelings that cause unrest to their hearts - anxiety for Sakura, love for Kaito.

Syaoran, always attentive and observant towards his girlfriend, notices immediately that Sakura is suffering, as soon as he sees her at school. Despite being unable to touch her to comfort her, he offers all of himself to support and listen to her concerns. Sakura is visibly and pleasantly surprised of how the boy could read behind her mask, that usual contrived smile with which she tries to dissimulate her emotions and not make him worry. A bad habit she's consolidated lately, but that Syaoran is gently determined to dismantle. After opening up with him (and this is where Sakura differs from Kaito - by having an established relationship made of love and trust with Syaoran, Sakura lowers her walls with him), she falls once again into the usual trap of "but maybe it's just my imagination" and I love to see how Syaoran is her anchor to the ground, making her see the concreteness of this situation: he straight up tells her "you produced a Card out of it, it cannot be 'just your imagination'. " And then, like a precious family gift, he passes on to her the priceless words of wisdom of his mother Yelan, an advice that not only Sakura, but also the other "lost soul" of the other paralleling pairing should listen to:

"People with magical power should never ignore the turmoil and stirring in their hearts, the so-called 'intuition'. And it’s not limited to people with magical powers. People should never avert their eyes from the changes in their heart."

This is a turning point for Sakura. These words seem to positively "break" something inside of her, showing her the correct path to follow. CLAMP beautifully portray this process of "embracing and assimilating" the words she's just heard, by making her place her hand over her heart. I love when they do that (they used the same visual when Akiho heard Kaito's true name, and 'wrote it' on the most important page of the book of her life). Sakura is truly grateful for the words Syaoran relayed to her, precisely what she needed to get out of her impasse with her feelings and magic. She knows she can always count on the support of her soulmate even in the darkest moments, and she's thankful for having him in her life.

From this moment onwards, Sakura will experience several instances where her magical premonitory senses give her signals through the "stirring" of her heart. Contrarily to before, she starts to actively take them seriously, listening, without dismissing them as the delirium of an anxious little girl. This allows her to activate the Siege Card in the fraction of a second, successfully shielding herself from Kaito's time magic, making her the first person ever who achieved that. This also leads her to effectively remember that she saw Kaito using magic, even when time was rewound by him, and contact immediately Syaoran to talk about it, planning how to move from that moment onwards. A little relapse on her bad habit is immediately dispelled by Syaoran, and our girl even goes as far as saying "there's something inside Akiho", even though she's not sure exactly why she's feeling that way. But it's an intuition she's having and she decides to not dismiss it anymore, with everyone trusting and supporting her in that direction. By listening more and better to what her heart tells her, Sakura also decides to not confront Akiho about Kaito and his magic, because she's well aware of the feelings Akiho got for Kaito and she doesn't want to potentially disrupt their relationship. So, she decides to wait for her friend to talk about it first.

Thanks to this better understanding of her own intuition, she also says in chapter 57 that she wants to meet the guardian of the book "Alice in Clockland" once more, despite not remembering if and when she's met her before. This also ultimately leads her to accept the role of Alice in the upcoming play scripted by her friend Naoko, because her sixth sense tells her that it's inevitable for her to do so. It's important to emphasize how the other characters support and encourage her to listen to her innate gift, at this point, without trampling over her self-determination like they did before.

It is a moment of big growth and character development for everyone.

The Ultimate Growth: Finding a Meaning and a Purpose

What happens afterwards is history: the fateful "Alice in Clockland" play unfolds, and Kaito completes his plan to push Sakura to create the Card he needs, exchanging his magic artifact (the watch) with Akiho's one (the book), in addition to activating the forbidden magic to rewrite the memories of everyone, to fit Akiho as part of Sakura's family.

Sakura's intuition will be crucial to wake her true self up while in Clockland, succeeding in beating Kaito's magic multiple times, till Syaoran comes in and gives the "final blow", cutting off the spell definitively.

And even when everything seems lost because Kaito successfully activated the fobidden magic, changing their memories and erasing himself from their existence, Sakura's magic and sixth sense keep making her say things she either already said or heard before in the "unrewritten world". Not only that, but even after meeting Lilie in a dream and forgetting her face (due to the strong influence of the forbidden spell), bit and pieces of that conversation keep coming back to her, and she listens dutifully to every single one of these "feelings". Kaito might have overridden part of their memories (only the ones concerning him, Akiho and the events connected to the creation of the Cards), but the experience, feelings and personal growth of each character were left untouched, that's why the chemistry between Sakura and Syaoran is the same as before the play started, but also Sakura's personal relationship with her magic is far better than before (an information that might have seemed random and unimportant is that now Sakura summons Mirror even just to chat, an indication of her completely changed perspective on her magic).

Now that Sakura finally embraced her magical power, all that's left for her is to find a true purpose for it.

A question echoes in my mind, "What am I creating these Cards for?". Sakura poses herself this question halfway through the story, and she finds the answer to it precisely at the end of the journey.

Her powerful magic intuition, combined with her immense empathy, leads her to realize that somebody is missing from their reality, and that person is the one Akiho loves. At this point Sakura is unstoppable: she wants to listen to the voice in her heart that's screaming "Go and help them!! Give the true happiness back to Akiho!", and everyone can only follow her lead as she assertively puts into practice what her heart is telling her to do.

Sakura in this final part of the story shines brighter than ever. She's more assertive and self-confident than ever. All of this is because there's something she strongly wants to do with her innate gift, as Eriol unequivocally says in chapter 75: her power grows exponentially again, but this time it's not out of her control - it is Sakura herself who's voluntarily boosting it, thanks to her strong wish. And that allows her to control it and use it exactly as she wants.

In chapter 79 her growth reaches the highest peak, by handling the resolution of Akiho and Kaito's personal problems in an admirable way (she steps aside for a moment to give Akiho all the agency she needed), but also finding herself in front of an uncomfortable dilemma, which leads her to an unavoidable reality: Sakura quickly understands that she cannot be on everyone's side and there are lines to be drawn at some point. She can't be a pure and oblivious girl forever. She needs to grow up. There are choices to be made, especially when dealing with real evil people.

And Sakura choses to go on with the people she loves, even if that means she has to "stain" her "moral record" a little bit.

Empowered by this strong wish to fix the situation, she literally gives life to a miracle, protecting her dear friend and her beloved from the grasp of their abusers, simultanously giving everyone their true memories back. The effort exerts her greatly, but what she achieved is by far the most important thing she's ever done with her magic power till now: she helped two dear people lost in a life-and-death situation. Her magical growth went along with her personal, mental one.

This is also the reason why the accusations of "the other magicians should've trained her" end up being in vain: Sakura's problem with her powers was mainly on a personal level, not on a technical one. This was a journey she had to mainly walk by herself, finding the right balance and confidence in her abilities, deep down in her heart.

No one could've done that for her.

Merely training the practical aspect of it would've just worsened the situation, because Sakura wouldn't have been truly "in it" with her heart and mind. She needed to go through this process of growth, before reaching this stage of self-awareness in relation to her magic powers. I truly feel this is the reason why CLAMP made certain choices inside this story. Again, as I always say, a good part of Cardcaptor Sakura does revolve around magic, but the main focus and linchpin of this story is and always will be the main character's heart, her growth and the interpersonal relationships with her loved ones.

This makes Clear Card Arc, in my opinion, a worthy sequel and a full-fledged part of the Cardcaptor Sakura series. I think those who decide to skip it or read it with a superficial approach miss a journey of tremendous growth for our beloved protagonist.

So much for those who kept saying "This is not Sakura's story".

How can all that ☝️ NOT be Sakura's story?

I'll let you judge. 😊

Extra: The Significance of the Clear Cards

I want to digress for a moment about a thorny topic: the significance of the Clear Cards in this story.

Sakura isn't always completely passive towards the events happening around her, but wonders several times during the story why all those Cards are manifesting like that. While the first and easiest answer is of course "because her powers are going out of control" (and this is something Momo herself questions Sakura about in chapter 50), it becomes apparent at some point that the more the story goes on, the more the Cards that are created by her are particularly relevant and connected to the events that will happen in the final part of the story.

I know this is a sore spot for many who complain about not understanding the purpose of the Clear cards. It's because people tend to compare this set of Cards with the ones Sakura captured previously. That's not the right way to look at them, because their origin and purpose are different and change throughout the story. Forget about the Sakura Cards, even though so many of these "Clear Cards" (which are never called so, not even once, in the story itself, but just "new cards" or "transparent cards") might look so similar in purpose to the previous ones.

First of all, the Clear Cards are an outlet for Sakura to vent in a healthy way her power in excess. Power that if kept inside, untapped and confined in her body, might have unpredictable harmful effects on her (<- probably the grief Yelan foresaw). God bless the Clear Cards for existing and allowing Sakura to vent out these bouts of uncontrolled power in a relatively safe way.

The Cards that Sakura produces in the beginning are sometimes reminiscing of the Sakura Cards, because her power manifests itself basing on Sakura's experiences, feelings, thoughts and wishes. The Sakura Cards are an important part of her life (before Syaoran took them, she literally acted like their "mom", keeping them alive with her power) so it's only normal that the first base for some of these new Cards would be a magic tool that she already knows. In this sense, it becomes easier to understand why many of the "captures" seem so easy, way too easy compared to what a reader would expect from a sequel: the goal of the capture here isn't to make her power and experience in capturing cards grow. She already had 2 arcs to do all of that. The capture of the Cards in this third arc becomes something new and unexpected: a "damage control" of a regrettable situation with Sakura's powers, while she learns to dominate them and enter into harmony with her supernatural abilities. The growth Sakura needs here is mainly a mental one. Performing her magical power aimlessly without having a true connection with it and a true understanding will only exacerbate the problem. This is the reason why, despite having a "capture" element, Clear Card derails from the previous arcs in the purpose of the capture. It's a pity that an element that should've brought freshness to the plot was in many cases received as an actual flaw.

In the beginning, as Sakura's power is completely out of her control, some Cards might look completely random too - they don't look based on Cards, thoughts or wishes (like Appear, Reflect, Action, etc.). But pay attention, because the more the story goes on, the more the Cards begin to become particularly specific to something that shook Sakura's heart in that moment, or referencing events/feelings that will become pivotal to the events Sakura will experience later. Especially regarding Kaito's plan. Many of the later Cards Sakura produces are a direct reflection of the feelings and wishes that Kaito infused in the activation of the forbidden magic, with the creation of "the story for Akiho", the one he wanted to absolutely have a happy ending for. Cards like Repair, Promise, Choice, Kindness, True and False, Synchronization, Rewind....many of them didn't even get to express their magical abilities in a "conventional way" (everyone expected to see Sakura literally activating them like she does with all the others), but it's just because at that point the Cards Sakura is producing are born following her premonitory intuition: thanks to the hints/speeches that those Cards give her in Clockland, Sakura little by little regains consciousness of her true self (it's a pity that many English readers will never realize all the times Sakura was about to "wake up" in Clockland, because the translation didn't respect the change in fonts of the JP text). Sakura wasn't supposed to "use" them in a conventional way (how do you "use" Kindness? You force people to be "kind"? 🤨 and what about Choice??), she was supposed to listen to them and let them guide her towards the truth. This is also the reason why all of these Cards bear the face of her loved ones. Think of them as tarots. Which is, incidentally, another use of the original Clow/Sakura Cards. I am basically sure of this interpretation because the kanji of some of those Cards I mentioned above are brought up during the climax: particularly when Akiho talks to Kaito in chapter 78, she uses two specific verbs, referring to Kindness (慈愛 - a kind of gentle and tender love) when she describes the love and support her family gives her in this rewritten world, and to Choice (選択) when she questions Kaito about his choice to disappear completely from her life. So to summarize, the last Cards Sakura produced "accidentally" weren't accidental at all, but were actually specifically produced by her power in reference to Kaito's plan, to help her finding the way out to a dire situation. This represents a very important indicator in the plot: at that stage of the story, Sakura started to listen more and more to her intuition and her sixth sense, finally quitting her bad habit of downplaying it ("maybe it's just me") but actually giving it credit and taking it seriously, trusting her instinct to lead her in the right direction. And this was, of course, all thanks to the speech Syaoran gave her back in chapter 52. It is also the case of the Rewind Card, which Sakura will ultimately understand the purpose of on her own, at the very end of the series. That's the moment where everything will become clear and make sense to her: "This Card, too...I created it precisely for this moment". The Clear Cards ultimately became the embodiment of her foretelling powers. Which then led to the birth of the first two consciously created Cards, Blank & Remind, which will become so important in the climax.

If we ever get a new arc in the next years, we'll certainly deal with a more mature Sakura, who's more in sync with her magical powers 🩷.

[vanmarkus]

Do you have any idea where the 'oliver hates lou' thing came from? Cause all I've seen is them praising each other and oliver saying how fun and goofy lou is. The only 'reason' I've seen from big blogs is that oliver doesn't follow him but he only follows the main cast now, not even anirudh or john who he's friends with so ? I doubt that means he hates him?

no idea who said it first, but as most vile things, it came from twitter.

people are grasping for straws because they aren't happy with the bucktommy storyline. Lou came in and did his job and said yes to a storyline that gave us bi Buck and these people are trying to bully him on twitter, trying to get a gotcha out of him, the cast and other fans on the regular.

the man cannot move an inch without them being up his ass about it, which, as I said before has me a little concerned for various reasons, some of them being Lou leaving the show prematurely due to the behaviour, the fandom en masse getting a bad reputation similar to other large toxic fandoms in the past (spn, stranger things, voltron, etc.) and just in general it grinds my gears that people can't fucking separate the actor from the character.

hate Tommy all you want, make up reasons, ignore his backstory and growth all you want, but Lou is a real human being who we don't know.

for what we see from him and what he lets us see is nice, but even if he's somehow this evil, terrible person... we just don't know. we're not working with him, we aren't his friends or family so it's just completely deranged to think that any of us can make an accurate analysis of his behaviour.

the cast and Tim only ever said that he's goofy, he's sweet, he's kind and great to work with — which, believe them or not, but it is what was said. he loves the character, Oliver loves the storyline and just because they barely know each other, it doesn't mean they hate each other.

and even if they did — it wouldn't matter. the actors' relationship doesn't affect the show as long as everyone is being professional and I'd be surprised if they weren't.

all this to say; this whole thing is made up and normal people have no reason to believe it and also should not have interest in if the cast likes Lou or not; but for all intents and purposes, by the cast's own admission, they like him.

[storytellerslense]

JJ Maybank Character Analysis

Why a pairing of Kiara and JJ would hardly work under real-life circumstances

Screenwriters love messy romantic storylines because drama sells and keeps us all on the edge of our seats. Complicated relationships filled with "OMG, did that just happen?" moments push characters to grow and show off their deeper sides, making them more relatable. Plus, they mirror our own love life dramas (or lack thereof) and give us an escape from reality. The whole "will they or won’t they" vibe keeps us binge-watching season after season, completely invested in their rollercoaster romance.

But let's get real for a sec—these chaotic love stories shouldn't be your blueprint for a real-life relationship.

That being said, it might not be the popular opinion, but Kiara would be the worst match for JJ. In real life, their relationship would quickly go downhill, and here's why:

JJ's been crushing on Kiara since Season 1. His feelings have been solid, even while she was off exploring things with John B. and Pope even though she often treated him badly, commenting on almost all of his actions with sarcasm and disregard.

There are a lot of examples, especially in the first two seasons, where Kiara is being disrespectful and sarcastic towards JJ. It actually seems like she doesn't care for him at all

That's why Kiara’s sudden interest in JJ, after her flings with the other guys, raises some eyebrows. Is she really into JJ, or is this about rebelling against her parents or wanting a “fixer-upper” project?

JJ and Kiara would make a perfect example for a toxic relationship

Kiara's and JJ's core personalities and backgrounds clash in fundamental ways. JJ, with his ADHD-like tendencies, impulsive nature, and carefree, rebellious attitude, often acts without thinking, seeking thrills and living in the moment. This behavior is in stark contrast to Kiara’s strong morals, rule-following disposition, and the disciplined upbringing she received from her wealthy household and good education. While JJ's spontaneity might seem exciting, it conflicts with Kiara’s structured approach to life.

Kiara is feeding into JJ's insecurities

She tends to be judgmental, especially towards behaviors that deviate from her values, which can make it hard for her to fully understand or accept JJ’s way of coping with his challenges.

JJ grew up in an abusive household with a neglectful and violent father. This messed up his self-esteem, emotional health, and understanding of relationships. He’s conditioned to accept unhealthy dynamics and put others first, often at his own expense.

Kiara, on the other hand, had a cushy, stable upbringing with overprotective parents. This gave her strong convictions and a clear sense of right and wrong but also left her with high expectations and a need to maintain a certain image.

Kiara’s strong will and idealism can sometimes make her judgmental and inflexible, especially toward those who don't see things her way.

Opposites attract: the more differences, the better the story

She might struggle to fully get the depth of JJ's trauma and how it shapes his behavior. His impulsiveness and reckless behavior, driven by a need to survive his trauma, often clash with Kiara's moral convictions. His actions aren't about seeking admiration but about finding safety and acceptance.

JJ's and Kiara's values are constantly clashing

JJ’s low self-esteem, need for validation, and history of emotional neglect make him vulnerable to falling into the same victim role he’s known all his life. Kiara’s strong personality and occasional self-righteous streak could unintentionally exploit JJ’s compulsive selflessness and lack of boundaries.

Is there really more to the chemistry between JJ and Kiara other than just physical attraction?

So, unless JJ takes some serious time for personal growth, gets to know himself and his boundaries, and learns what healthy relationships actually look like, jumping into a romance with Kiara too soon is basically setting himself up to fall right back into the emotional traps he’s trying to escape.

So, what do you think about all this? Would you disagree or do you have another constellation in mind that would suit a character like JJ better (Sarah?). Let me know your thoughts!

[hollowtones]

what'd you think about jade shadows?

I put it under a read-more because I don't know how to talk about this without talking about spoiler stuff. The tl;dr is "I liked it but I wish there was a little bit more."

One of the things I didn't like isn't even really part of the quest itself, but I saw a mutual bring it up a few days ago & it's been on my mind since: it feels a little odd to have a content warning before your sidequest, and then not give you any way to skip the quest if it's content you don't think you'd be able to handle. Especially given there's a whole event & rewards that only unlock afterwards!!

OK on to the contents of the quest itself. There's a lot of themes of love and connection and empathy in the face of systemic cruelty or indifference, in this game in general, and a lot of how that manifests is stories about characters fighting for self-determination and agency (the Ostrons trying to stay free of the Grineer, the Solaris trying to destroy the systems that keep them in debt & deny them bodily autonomy, Umbra, the Tenno, the Lotus, etc etc).

I think it's interesting to try and explore a tragedy where we aren't able to help someone in time, where the powers that be have brutalized someone and we as individuals aren't able to get there in the nick of time & help them claw their agency back. I think it's an interesting thematic & emotional through-line (with very strong parallels to Ordis... very smart choice to make him the event vendor / narrator, I'm feasting good on all the new dialogue LOL), and I think there have been enough well-written woman characters in the game that don't get written out or killed for the sake of some man's tragedy or growth that I don't immediately roll my eyes about them trying a So Sad The Woman Dies story.

I do also think this would have hit harder if we got more information about Jade herself!! I realize "this woman broke a law and was completely dehumanized / made into a Thing by the empire, stripping her of herself to suit their ends" is Kind Of The Point, and they make enough of a fuss about "wow there's a lot that's redacted about her history, huh!" that I assume this is a plot thread they're leaving hanging for later. But I feel like the big moment would have resonated better if they gave us a little more info to establish this character, other than "she was heterosexual" and "the Orokin were fucked up, don't forget" haha.

(I do find it funny that the storyline about Ballas, who got Divorced So Badly that he Caused Nearly All Of Today's Problems, is all wrapped up, but the story keeps going "no no, don't worry, there's still plenty of opportunity to remind you how fucked the Orokin were." Here's these two people that broke some insipid law about conceiving a child & so their bosses and leaders broke their brains and turned them into bio-weapon lapdogs as punishment. Every time they go "BTW Something Was Deeply Wrong With The Orokin & We Still Feel The Aftershock Of That Today" I clap my hands like a seal.)

Warframe Babies Are Born!!!!! This little tyke is fuckin weird. What's their problem. I think it's weird and cool. I don't really feel much about "this character is a parent now!" type of storylines. (I did pop off when Stalker got to do his shithead honourable samurai defending a child with one arm thing. I'm a sucker for that & they made it coooooool. It feels like they're setting up some kind of "Lone Wolf and Cub" situation. The scythe being juiced up with BabysPower was also funny.) The baby thing is neat to me from the perspective of, like... This is something weird and new that's never happened before in this universe. That's exciting and kind of scary! I'm interested to see where they go with that. (Presumably in a year or two. Very funny to drop this on us when a completely different major story arc is right around the corner with 1999.)

Gianni's delivery was fuckin killer. I'm excited for whatever next arc they do with Stalker if it means they're gonna pay my boy to grunt and yell and scream more. It feels very strange to be acquainted with two people who've done voice acting in "Warframe" now. Me next? ^_^

I like our new Corpus weirdo. I hope she comes back. Fun to get more stuff with the Sisters of Parvos & with Mr. Granum himself. But I liked her a lot. It got a fuckin laugh out of me to have her through all the quest excited about her big promotion that she's going to get & resolving that with "Is that a fuckin baby??? Fuuuuuck! They don't pay me enough to shoot a baby with a gatling gun!" I wish her ending scene was a little more than just stoically standing aside but literally anything else I can think of feels way too cheesy or on-the-nose.

The facial animations on the Operator were really fuckin weird. I just remembered that. I thought that was just a thing on my end but I watched someone else play & the faces looked weird for them too.

Hunhow's a good inclusion. I like him seeing the Stalker stewing in his own misery because he hates the only people that could offer him help & going "aw man, c'mon buster, don't be like me now." I like his signature that he puts in his emails. I like that he's still an emotionally constipated weirdo that hates us but is still endeared to us in some way. (They make nods to The New Strange in his ending email, which makes sense given that this also feels like a quest setting up More Weird Shit In The Future, but I do get a laugh that it also reads as "JADE WAS PREGNANT? OKAY... WELL. DON'T FORGET THAT I HAVE A WOMB TOO, KID." Thanks Grandpa. Love you too Grandpa. Thanks for the sweeties Grandpa.)

The event quest feels like a nice bow on top. I like the parallels between Jade and Ordis. Wanting to afford her the dignity in death he could never be given. Acknowledgement of Ordan Karris is fun!!! (The line about him being conflicted with the thought of Granum un-cephalon'ing him has me rubbing my hands together.) I'm excited that we're getting so much of Parvos Granum lately. What a shit head. It's funny to see him so hyped up about Ordan. "Duuuude! Your history's famous killer!! That's awesome? Do you wanna work for me? C'monnnnn we both hate the legacy of the Orokin. Wouldn't it be awesome if MY rule was the one dehumanizing you and wielding you as a weapon instead?" This is something they've been establishing as early as "Parvos and Ballas in bed with one another doing shady back-room deals over a Warframe bodyguard and specter particle research" but it's fun whenever they sow the seeds of Parvos being so much like the Orokin he hated.

I wrote more than I thought I was going to!!! I like the thematic through-line idea of this quest but I wish they executed on it better. I like the stuff this is presumably establishing for the future. I really like the event quest as... not quite an epilogue, I guess, but as an addition. Other than that I thought it was okay! I wasn't expecting anywhere near the level of Whispers in the Walls, but that quest being such a high bar makes a "pretty okay" quest stick out to me a little, haha.

[bitterrobin]

something that's super underrated in fic is Damian having a life in the League of Assassins. It's not just training 24/7 and mind games between a boy and his grandfather. It's not just Damian getting put through the child abuse simulator so that Bruce or Tim or Jason or Dick or whoever can rescue him. Damian is a character that experiences slow growth. He goes through the "no killing" rule, but there's storylines where you can tell he's only sticking to it for Bruce and Dick. He follows their lead because he needs their validation and affection, to prove himself - not because he genuinely believes in what they're trying to do (at least not yet).

For a child to be stuck in such a mindset, tells me two things; obviously the indoctrination runs deep because he was raised in the League. He doesn't understand his family because their lives are alien to him. But also that the League shouldn't just be a place of misery and despair. It needs to be full of people who praise his actions, people who try and value him.

They are teaching Damian that the Earth is something to be cherished, that he kills to honor his family and one day lead the revolution. It's something very overlooked; the League doesn't believe that they are evil. They are a fringe organization with the fervor to save the Earth. They worship Ras al Ghul, of course, but that's because they believes he embodies what the planet needs - rejuvenation, redemption, the care for endangered and extinct animals, the dismantling of rich billionaires and corrupt governments and exploitative companies. If they have to kill and turn the oceans red with blood to ensure that the Earth exists for a thousand more years - then so be it - Ras will take us there.

Damian internalizes this. He lives in this League day in, day out. He may not always appreciate the teachers his grandfather gives him, but he learns. He absorbs. He watches the initiates being sworn in shadows. He observes the cultists and their rabid worship, gets pulled in and placed high above the clouds as a piece of god. He lives his life every day surrounded by the Shadow assassins, spies, information specialists. He is waited on by League staff who are happy to serve them. He has handmaidens he's known since he was an infant, who pamper and spoil him. Bodyguards who have died to save him. Cooks and doctors and researchers and farmers and innocents living their own lives. They come from all over the world. They have families and friends. They have lineages as far back when Ras first founded the League. They treat him like a son, like a little brother, like an older brother, like a friend, like a student, like a messiah, like a child and like an equal.

And when he leaves the League...he loses those connections. The handmaiden who took care of his hair, leaving him to slather on hair gel in an effort to maintain an image. The boy who was being trained a Shadow and befriended him, one whose deathly image he can never shake when talking to anyone his age. The teacher that taught him meditation, an inner peace he yearns to return to. The woman who taught him how to hack computers and he never look at Barbara without remembering her. The man who taught him boxing, his first experience with the life of a performer. The thief who gave him lockpicks and pilfered sweets, whose detached demeanor always remind him of Selina. The actress who taught him to manipulate his voice, a talent he will never get to show her again. The bodyguard who treated him like a little brother, whose sacrifice screams in his mind when interacting with any of the Waynes. Damian can never return to those days. He can create new memories in America, but his heart forever lies in the city amidst the mountains.

[rafeslittlevixen]

OBX SEASON 4 RANT

SPOILERS AHEAD

This is just my opinion on how this played out, so lets get into it

Rafe and Sofia: I love both of them (Drew and Fiona) but, the storyline is straight up a fanfic, they took the most common fanfic of Rafe and said "yeah, lets do that his redemption arc". I do think Sofia is great for him, does he deserves her? absolutely no. He was so far beyond redemption the only way he could´ve had it was by going to jail or dying, just like Ward did. They were adorable, don´t get me wrong, that version of Rafe was amazing and I know he was trying to change for her and be a better man, and have what Ward had. But I don´t think he actually loved her, he cares about her, she was what he thought was perfect for him, what Ward would want, but then again, Rafe does not know what love actually is, he cares about her in a way he has never cared about anyone, but I do think it was just for the looks and what would people say. As for Sofia, she cares about him, I would say she is really close to loving him, but if she truly loved him she would have never sold him out to Hollis and Groff. If she had truly loved him she would´ve told him about it when he proposed, I know she kinda didn´t let her, but come on, she had to know it was gonna come back to bite her in the ass. So idk, do I think they made a cute couple? yes, but it was bound to happen.

Pope and Cleo: That was the dumbest decision he has ever made, I get that he wanted to protect JJ cause that´s his brother, but come one everyone know you don´t attack a cop. I think its a bit unrealistic that he got away by enlisting, but also I think if that was the only option it is gonna be great for him. I do think Pope has let go a little through the seasons and I love it, but I think that was out of character for him. Cleo, my baby; she IS a though cookie, she´s been kinda on her own her whole life, I do think she would have figured it out but she did not have too. Pope is, in my opinion, the stable thing she needs. Also, him killing the guy who killed Terrance was also out of character but it made sense and also the reaction he had. Do i think it´s gonna haunt him for life? yes. OH AND THE NO GOODBYES CLUB???? adorable, i love them and their little clubs, they ate this season.

Sarah and John B: I knew she was gonna be pregnant, but the fact that the Pates didn´t let her mention she had a choice, does not sit well with me. John B being terrified of becoming his dad was so good, it gave him a complexity and that makes you see a character growth. Also John B being so protective of Sarah was so adorable, the way he looked at her when they were looking for that apple for her to eat in Morocco was adorable. ALSO SARAH BEING BABY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO MARRY HIM WHEN SHE WANTED WAS SO CUTE, I LOVED IT. I also wanna thank Cline and Chase, because they do care about this characters and their relationship. Jarah would have sufferd so much if they had not remain professionals.

Pogues and Rafe: The way he safe them???? I get it he wanted his 400k back but also so out of character for him? I loved it but also i know they dont trust him and thats completely fair, but also, after that scene, you guys know which one, thats not the way to make him part of the core.

Sarah and Rafe: my babies, the whole season both of them have been wanting to talk about everything or at least they wanted each other back. I do think both of them would work together to get back Wheezie cause wtf is that that she´s with Rose??? I never actually thought she adopted them. Rafe just wants his family back, or whatever he´s got left from it. I think that after finding out what a backstabbing bitch Sofia is, (Fiona yo te amo hermana, pero Sofia si está bien wey) he was terrified of also trusting the Pogues and thats why he acted the way he did after Sarah saved him, but also finally listening to Sarah and what actually happened in El Dorado and what she told him about being the only family they have left? I do think he is gonna be better and he is gonna be protective of Sarah now, because he knows its only the three of them and he does not wanna lose any more people. Drew and Cline carrying the show yet again.

JJ and Kie: what a fucking mess this two are, the body dobles while being just sitting down near each other in Morocco? The handshake when he was leaving with Groff? They had a great chemistry during season one, the slow burn they were building and how he was pinning after her and he had to watch her be with John B and Pope? He slowly opening up to her? He going crazy when she was kidnapped in Barbados? The reunion after she escaped with Rafe? Saving her from Kitty Oaks? I don´t know what went wrong, but the fact that in most of their scenes they looked fucking uncomfortable makes me sad. She knows she loved him, she was trying to distract herself from him because he was so tough at the beginning, it just makes me fucking sad the way it all ended. Also, no shame to Bailey but I cried more during that scene than she did.

JJ and his parents: where do I begin? He deserves so much better, he deserved a happy ending. I think they also ran with the theory of JJ not being a pogue, but just because they took Rafe´s fanfic they thought that it would be too obvious if they made him a Cameron. He had such a rough life, if this had not happened he would still be JJ, he was so out of character the second part, and I get it. They tried to make us hate him for the way he was acting, but just as he and Kie knew they would not do what Groff was telling them, we know JJ. But also, he was a loved baby, Larissa loved him so much and he had a family. I know everything would be so different if she wasn´t murdered, but if she was able to leave fucking Groff and being with Luke, I do think JJ would´ve found his way to John B and Pope eventually. He would also probably already been friends with Kie and Sarah, and maybe the just maybe he would not have been an ass to the pogues. I do think Luke cared about him, but the resentment toward Groff and taking care of a child who was not even his made Luke that way; but also he probably only cared about him because he liked Larissa, so he felt that he needed to care about JJ for Larissa to care. Fucking Groff, he made Ward and Big John look like parents of the year. I know he only probably had JJ to keep up with appearances but the fact that he played him like a fucking violin??? I know there are a shit ton of mess up things in this show, but that one takes the cake. HE COULD´VE WALKED AWAY WITH THE DAMN CROWN, JJ GAVE IT TO HIM TO SAFE THE FUCKING LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND HE STABBED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM JUST BECAUSE??? no, that´s fucked up.

Idk, if JJ died because someone did not wanted to be in the show anymore I think that speaks volumes in terms of how the set works. The fact that they had to kill the fucking glue of the group and both of the actors involved on the onscreen couple could not act professional to keep it going is crazy to me. If you were on the whole Nina and Ian debacle back in the day, you know how bad this things can get, but the fact that we have a real ex couple remaining professional after a public break up and having their onscreen couple getting married and having a kid speaks on the level of professionalism those two had. I´m more pissed for how JJ was handle than Rudy leaving the show, we all saw it coming, and I do think we all went into the season with the feeling JJ was gonna die but we also had hope of being wrong. I´m so sorry JJ, you deserved so much better that what was written for you, and how the actor who played you handle things.

[sailingfireshipz]

13x06 download.

1. Carver waking up in somebody else bed, hungover, once again & almost late for shift AGAIN.... this man is slipping. For the life of me, I don't understand why they made Jake a series regular just to go in and deconstruct his character growth. I don't see the plot.

2. The way Stella kicked that man bed in 😂😂😂

3. Stella looking at Kelly when he says he'll take overhaul. She knows her hubby. She could see his wheels spinning.

4. I'm so happy Ritter actually witnessed the bird attacking Mouch. Mouch needed that validation 😭

5. Pascal questioning Stella about truck again is just so.... Not because I don't think he should be asking those questions but more so the tone & manner in which he does it is just so triggering for me. The difference in how he talks to Kidd vs. how he engages in a conversation with Kelly later in the episode is night & day.

5a. I feel bad for Stella. It's clear something is going on with Carver, but it seems like if she tells Pascal, he'll just flip it on her again like he did with Damon. Rock meet hard place. Stella's storyline this entire first half has been navigating mens bullshit instead of dealing with her backstory 😒 😑

6. Carvers "there will be no more screw ups" gave me whiplash because that sounds like something S11 Carver said MANY times

7. Tony has been crushing it! Keep giving the man more screen time.

8. Pascal conversation with Kelly... do we see how the tone & overall demeanor is different, relaxed, and not accusatory in nature 🙂 this continues to be problematic for me

9. I can't tell if Flynn is a good or bad guy... he sort of weirds me out

10. STELLARIDE has PARENTS written all over them in that Med scene. Like they finally got a babysitter to enjoy a night out & Kelly's dragging Stella to Med for a case 😆

11. Does anyone know what it was that Tori brought Carver & why would Kidd care? It looked like a knife?

11a. Tori's manipulation is insane. She has this man withdrawing & icing people out that have had his back in so many situations. Hope he doesn't burn all those bridges

12. Stella & Violet 👩‍🍳 💋 i want to hear more about that great dinner. Ugh!

13. "Severide, I'm starting to get the feeling you have a problem with authority." lmao, oh, you don't know much about our Severide, do you, chief?

14. Kelly immediately going to Stella. My ❤️

15. What i love about the Go home Carver scene is that Stella is not wavering when it comes to doing right by her rig & ultimately 51. She could have easily folded with the scrutiny coming from the chief, but NOPE! She's not dealing with the foolishness just to not be on his hit list! My Fearless Queen

16. Follow me here... What does Flynn do for a living? He said he got assigned a new case... the state trooper in the ghost gun case said the DA needed the evidence... hmmm idk

17. Kelllllly "My firehouse" Severide aaaahhhh I'm screaming. The way he had Pascal gagged

17a. Selfishly wishing Kelly would have defended Stella the way he just laid Pascal out about the case when Pascal called her a pain in the ass.....

18. Pascal telling Kelly that Bishop is prone to violence & doesn't make empty threats & the first words out of Kellys mouth was I'm in... Kelly, have we LEARNED nothing from S10-12 😭🥹🥹🥹

18a. Like damn at least talk to Stella (YOUR WIFE) first before readily offering yourself up as a target. What happened to we're a team!?

Loved this episode & excited for next week! Any thoughts, theories, or ramblings out there? Let me know i love it when we all discuss our different perspectives!

[izaacs-notdeadyet]

The outsiders zombie apocalypse au say whay?

Chat.. let me say I have been COOKING.

Storyline is loosely based on the last of us, in the sense that Johnny takes the role of Ellie, and Darry of Joel. This is inspired by a post I saw talking about a tlou outsiders au but I couldn't find who made the post to tag them in this ☹️☹️

More info and designs under the cut (tw for guns, violence, and death)

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Johnny Cade:

Lore: [Johnny was born seven months after the start of the apocalypse. His mother had been pregnant with him and managed to survive up until his birth, when she ended up getting bit by a zombie when she went into labor. She managed to escape back into her and Mr Cade's cabin, where he would find his wife who had turned, and his newly born son.

Johnny's father did NOT like his son. He only took care of him cause he felt some kind of obligation to his late wife and it's really a miracle Johnny didn't die under his watch or because of him. One day, Mr Cade sent Johnny out scavenging for supplies on his own (horrible idea.) Johnny ended up being chased and leading them back. Him and his dad ended up escaping, just barely.

Johnny had been bit in their escape. His dad had seen it first. His dad wanted to shoot him before he turned, but Johnny, terrified with a gun to his head, lashed out and knifed his dad to death. He sat there for awhile, waiting to turn. But Johnny never did end up turning. He grabbed his dad's gun and his stuff, and set off for the road, leaving his dad's corpse cold behind him.

He survived for around a year mostly on his own, occasionally falling in with some travelers but mostly he was on his own. Somewhere in that year timeframe he got jumped by Paul and his gang, getting his scar and losing his gun in the process.]

Extra commentary: i honestly had so much fun with drawing Johnny. As for his character, I think his growth was stunted due to stress and malnutrition. Similar to in the book he also looks younger. It would still bug him, but he's gotten good at playing up his youthfulness to gain the trust of unsuspecting people, and then mugging them.

I think he'd be pretty efficient with his bow, especially since his gun was stolen and he hasn't been able to find another one yet. In a way he likes that the bow gives him more control, but he also misses the confidence that having a gun gave him.

He carries around a mini sewing kit, he's gotten pretty good at fixing holes in his clothes and bag and even repaired the hole in his jeans. He needs to find more scrap fabric though to repair his other pants leg.

He's pretty shy. Just in general but also because he doesn't really trust people. He's paranoid about someone finding out about his immunity and then using it against him. If he can't wear his jacket, (which is rare, but sometimes) he'll wrap gauze or extra fabric around the bite tightly to keep it hidden.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Darrel Curtis:

Lore: [Darry doesn't remember much from before the apocalypse, he would've only been four. He does remember a panic and them having to leave town, his mom Carrying his baby brother Soda in her hands. The Curtis parents were very good about keeping their children safe. They ended up going to a sanctuary city. It was rough, but it was more like Jackson than Boston, it was a safe place to raise their kids.

That was, until it wasn't. One day, two years before canon, a horde broke in, and the city was overrun with zombies. Darry managed to find his brothers, along with Steve and Two-bit in the chaos. They stopped by their house, Darry packing a bag and taking his father's shotgun, he was trying to find his parents and also keep his brothers and friends safe at the same time. When he found his parents, it was too late. They were turning, and Darry had to shoot them to save Soda.

Steve ended up hotwiring a car for them, and they fled the city. Darry has been doing his best to take care of them sense, even though the group gets on his last nerves, especially with their insistence to keep adding people to their group and stop by long abandoned tourist traps when they're meant to be looking for the nearest sanctuary city.]

Extra commentary: I LOVED drawing Darry. If I had fun drawing Johnny than I can't begin to explain what drawing Darry did to me. It was my first time drawing him and he just came so easy to me.

For his design I don't have much to say, I think he'd have a habit of biting the tip of his knife (something @deim0sdread came up with that) and it ended up giving him a scar on his lip from the blade.

For his bag though I have a lot more to say, I think he'd be the one that's most prepared, he tries to keep his first aid kit packed with the essentials. I think if he found the group all walkie talkies he'd be set. He's kinda like a mom in the way he runs around making sure everyone's set, that ponyboy didn't leave anything behind and that he's actually paying attention, or that Twobit isn't trying to drink fucking rubbing alcohol. He kinda resents having to do so much for everyone but he loves them and couldn't do any different

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Mandatory tagging of the moots [ @deim0sdread @urmomatron700 @b3st-sunday-dr3ss @ari-the-silly ]

[lasbiarez]

I find it very interesting that Tsukasa has all the potential to be the "main character" of wansho but he's just... never framed as such. I'd argue that title goes to Emu with how she's the one to start wansho and ends the arc with her dreams being reached.

Tsukasa is the leader of wansho and—compared to the other leaders, aside from Kanade—takes on that role more literally than the others. This is not to say that Minori, Ichika, and Kohane doesn't deserve that title because I won't deny that they're the catalyst of each group's creation, but compared to the three Tsukasa is in charge of the group itself and has been acknowledged to be the leader of wansho multiple times by other characters.

Tsukasa's biggest title or dream is being a star; the centre of attention and basically what would be associated to being a 'main character'. He's the sole creator of wansho's SEKAI and song to access it before deciding to share it with wansho at the end of the main story. He's loud and all encompassing, Kaito has specifically mentioned that people simply gravitate towards him. This all leads to the potential of wansho's storyline to surround him and his dreams.

And yet, and yet, and yet.

Tsukasa has always been framed as having a supporting role. The only reason he stayed at Wonder Stage is because of Emu's dream of saving Pheniland, and to reach that dream he needs to bring wansho together and lead them, advancing his skills was just another way to support that dream.

His first focus event wasn't even about himself but about how he helped wansho and the staff of Phoeniland orcestrate Project Wonder, how important his leadership is to rally people for a cause. In the the Scramble Fan Fes event Tsukasa's card isn't about him performing or anything of the sorts, but he's encouraging Minori and guiding her through her stage fright before her performance. His entire dream of becoming a star is spurred on by his desire to bring smiles to Saki and supoort her through her hardships, later Toya too, and then that desire spreads even more to everyone.

Tenma Tsukasa is defined by the people around him, by how much he's able to bring joy to his family and his friends and in turn their happiness becomes his happiness.

And he's so natural at in the way that Emu recognises it the first time she sees him and asks him to join Wonder Stage, in the way that Rui is allowed to change because of the chance Tsukasa gave him, in the way that Nene feels inspired by his exponential growth that she pushes herself forward too. Tsukasa is so important to Toya and Saki for the same reason, Rui asked him to record lines to cheer up Mizuki for the same reason, Shizuku recognises how kind of a person he is for the same reason.

TLDR; Tsukasa loves and cares for his friends and family and his character is defined by his ability to make them happy and support them despite how main character worthy he is

[blue-mint-winter]

Maegor's natural conception: debunking the dark magic baby theory

There is a popular theory that Maegor was conceived with dark magic. Some go even farther and say he was a clone of Aegon. I've been trying to find if anyone actually did a comprehensive write up of this theory, but I only found some more casual forum discussions on Maegor's and Aenys' paternity and whether Aegon was sterile and his sons were bastards. I decided to reason out what was the most likely explanation of Maegor's pecularities and why it's not a conception via dark magic.

Debunking the magical conception theory: why Maegor was NOT a dark magic baby

Arguments used to support the dark magic baby theory:

A rumour that Visenya practiced dark magic -> theory that she used dark magic to conceive.

A rumour that Visenya was barren, because she didn't conceive earlier despite being married to Aegon for years.

Other reasons for people thinking that Maegor was conceived with dark magic are:

His big size, great strength and fast growth in childhood.

His excessive cruelty.

His inability to have children that weren't stillborn and malformed.

There are two kinds of arguments - those related to Visenya, the supposed magical conceiver, and those related to Maegor - his magical conception is used to explain his unusual traits.

Assuming both rumours about Visenya are true - she was barren and knew magic to conceive - she had both a reason and means to create a dark magic baby Maegor. However, if she wasn't barren, she could just conceive naturally. It’s possible for Visenya to give birth at 41, as other women gave birth at an even older age, like Alyssa Velaryon at 47 and queen Alysanne at 44. She didn't need to use the dark magic.

That's when the supplementary theory comes in. If Aegon was sterile, then Aenys was a bastard and Visenya had to use dark magic to get pregnant.

The arguments related to Visenya are a lynchpin to this entire dark magic baby theory, because if she didn't use dark magic to make Maegor, then everything else doesn't matter. That's why debunking Maegor-related reasons isn't necessary, but I will still do it for my own satisfaction. Explaining why a character was evil with him being a dark magic baby is just a bit ridiculous for the world of ASOIAF. There are plenty of evil characters in the series and none of them were made with dark magic.

Dark magic and Visenya's knowledge of it

I think the best way to prove if there was magic involved in Maegor's conception is to look to the rest of the ASOIAF series and find a similar case of magic use. There were Melisandre's shadow babies, but they weren't real, living humans like Maegor.

On the other hand, there is a character whose storyline has to do with childbirth and magic - Daenerys. When she was pregnant, she ate a stallion's heart to strengthen her son in the womb, which could be a magic ritual. Then she met a real expert - Mirri Maz Duur was said to know everything about childbirth and never lost a baby. She was a godswife (a priestess, healer and midwife) and also she was taught birthing songs by a moonsinger of Jhogo Nhai, that is a place north of Yi-Ti.

So apparently there is a branch of magic involved with birthing in the series. There's nothing said however about conceiving. The information is so little that it's impossible to say if Visenya knew this type of magic or any magic related to conceiving children or if conception magic even exists (let me know if there are any leads in the books about that). There's no mention of Visenya making trips to far east of Essos to learn about this branch of magic. The book only tells that she went with Aegon to Oldtown before the Conquest, where she might have learned anything to do with poisons and magic. However, none of the maesters so far displayed knowledge of a magic used to conceive. They're proficient at making moontea, performing a C-section and using poisons.

As well, there are reliable reports of Aegon and his sister Visenya visiting the Citadel of Oldtown in their youth, and hawking on the Arbor as guests of Lord Redwyne.

Incidentally, the moonsingers founded Braavos. There's a Temple of Moonsingers and also House of the Red Hands, which is a great center of healing. That means that Braavos is the closest location to Westeros where one could learn about birthing songs. However, the book doesn't mention Visenya ever going there. Due to the history of Braavos being founded by escaped slaves hiding from dragonlords, it's very unlikely she would go there or even be welcomed. Or helped with making more little dragonlords. If she visited, it would have been a huge event for the Braavosi. Not even king Jaehaerys went to negotiate there for the stolen dragon eggs, he just sent Septon Barth.

The rumours about Visenya using dark magic claim she did it when she was older and couldn't use a sword. There are two mentions of rumours about Visenya using dark magic:

Even those who loved her best found Visenya stern, serious, and unforgiving; some said that she played with poisons and dabbled in dark sorceries.

The oldest of the three heads of the dragon, Visenya was to outlive both of her siblings, and it was rumored that in her later years, when she could no longer wield a sword, she delved into the dark arts, mixing poisons and casting malign spells. 

Poisons and malign spells seem useless when the goal is to conceive a child. That's a type of magic to deal with enemies and Visenya learning it even before Conquest makes sense, as she was going to help Aegon with the war.

During Maegor's reign Visenya was suspected of killing High Septon with dark magic from afar, before she arrived in Oldtown, but there were many more likely suspects closer to the dead man. In any case she is only implied to know killing magic, not conception magic.

One videomaker had an interesting point about using magic in ASOIAF. If Visenya used it in some way to conceive Maegor, she had to pay a price for it - his inability to have healthy children. It would be a logical and satisfying setup and payoff. On the other hand, if Visenya knew a magical way to conceive, why didn't she tell Maegor at any point so he could use it to have a son? It would have prevented many political problems, like his polygamy causing the Faith to rebel. Looking at it this way, it's more likely that Visenya didn't know how to conceive with magic.

The evidence in text that Maegor was conceived by Visenya with magic is nonexistent. It's at best very circumstantial. Additionally, I found no evidence that a type of magic to help with conceiving a child even exists. There is only magic that helps with birthing and strengthening a child. It could be what Visenya used on Maegor after his natural conception.

Why Maegor wasn't a dark magic baby

The strangeness about Maegor's childhood is linked to his big size and strength and most importantly, his fast growth, as if it was accelerated. He could defeat adults in a fight when he was 13. It looks like he reached physical maturity early. (As an aside, it would make sense if he was a clone, but in Star Wars universe - the clonetroopers' growth was accelerated so they reached maturity at 10 years old and could fight in a war).

No newborn was ever more robust than Maegor Targaryen, maesters and midwives agreed; his weight at birth was almost twice that of his elder brother.

On the other hand his brother:

Aenys came first. Born in 7 AC to Aegon’s younger wife, Rhaenys, the boy was small at birth and sickly.

It's interesting to note that Maegor was a robust baby. If Aenys was too small and Maegor was like two of him, then it seems that Maegor was large but within a norm for babies (or Visenya wouldn't have been able to birth him). Also, it sounds that Aenys was simply a premature baby and it caused his many problems with early development.

Magic affected the growth of dragons, as with time they were growing slower and becoming smaller which was connected with weaker magic in the world. It's possible magic was used to affect Maegor's growth as well, because Targaryens are said to be a blood of a dragon. Visenya was more likely to have knowledge of this kind of magic rather than magic to conceive (which, again, we can't prove even exists in the series).

Visenya could have used magic, like Daenerys eating a stallion's heart, to make Maegor strong, resulting in his fast growth. She could have bathed him in blood, like Sam Tarly who was bathed in blood by warlocks from Qohor to make him brave.

She could have given him potions so he'd put on muscle quickly. She could have put him on a protein-rich diet. She even could have used magical equivalent of a hormone therapy to make her son grow up faster. The point is that it's easier to make an existing baby strong than invent a new branch of magic to make a strong baby (especially if doing it naturally is more convenient). This isn't Harry Potter, where they put things in a cauldron, say a few words and a dark magic baby is made.

Maegor's exceptional physicality and cruelty can't be used as a proof that he was a dark magic baby. He's not even the first character having those exact same traits. Maegor shares many similarities with Gregor Clegane, known as The Mountain, like his big body and strength, cruelty, brutishness, dimness and suffering a serious head injury. Their lists of crimes are also very similar: rapes, kinslaying, fighting partisans (Faith Militant, Brotherhood without Banners), raiding, killing servants and innocents, killing a horse in anger, destroying half of a boy's face (Maegor - slashing a stableboy, Gregor - burning his brother), killing an Aegon, killing wives, allowing torture by their subordinates. Both of them were healed or possibly resurrected by a dark magic user (Maegor by Tyanna, Gregor by Qyburn). Even their names sound very similar. Maegor is just a Targaryen version of Gregor and anyone can guess that making Gregor a king would be as much of a disaster as Maegor's reign was. So if Gregor was like that without any magic involved in his conception, why would Maegor be any different?

Maegor's inability to conceive normal children can have numerous better explanations than him being a dark magic baby:

Ceryse was infertile (Hightowers knew about it before the marriage or Visenya used poison/magic to stop her from conceiving in hopes of Maegor getting an annulment and marrying Rhaena as his mother proposed to unite her and Rhaenys' lines).

Tyanna and/or maesters poisoned other wives (including Alys Harroway when she and Maegor were in Pentos and met Tyanna).

Maegor had some sort of genetic defect that made him infertile because he was an incest baby.

Tyanna used dark magic to heal/resurrect him and that interfered with his ability to have healthy children.

He was cursed.

He used bloodmagic himself - proof: all the mass murders and burnings that look like blood sacrifices, he cut out Tyanna's heart with Blackfyre - seems like a part of a dark magic ritual.

His children were malformed because they were premature, other Targaryens also had malformed babies (like Rhaenyra's daughter Visenya and Daenerys' son Rhaego). In Rhaego's case his appearance could be caused by Mirri Maz Duur using him in a dark magic ritual.

In addition, it's proven in the series that dark magic use can cause infertility. According to Mirri Maz Duur, Dany became barren after her son was sacrificed in the failed ritual to resurrect Drogo. It could be just an effect of a miscarriage at her young age as well.

There's no mention of Visenya trying to resurrect anyone in her youth, which would make her barren, and she would be the last one to curse her own son with infertility when he was meant to continue her and Aegon's line.

On the other hand, Tyanna's use of dark magic to heal Maegor seems like the most likely cause of his infertility. Dany's example proves that dark magic can cause infertility in a woman, then why not a man too? And Tyanna told Maegor that she poisoned his children in the womb. She knew that was a price of her magic - making him unable to have healthy children. She didn't poison his wives, she cursed him and that's why "his seed was full of maggots". It was defective in some way. Maegor's life was prolonged by dark magic at the price of his bloodline never continuing. He was unable to create life after his own was magically extended, therefore unnatural.

All of the above reasons point out that Maegor wasn't evil and infertile because he was a dark magic baby. Any dark magic that influenced him and caused his infertility came at a later time in his life than his conception.

Maegor wasn't a dark magic baby.

Visenya wasn't barren and Aegon wasn't sterile

Whilst no one ever questioned Visenya’s fidelity to her brother-husband, Rhaenys surrounded herself with comely young men, and (it was whispered) even entertained some in her bedchambers on the nights when Aegon was with her elder sister. Yet despite these rumors, observers at court could not fail to note that the king spent ten nights with Rhaenys for every night with Visenya.

In other words, Aegon rarely had sex with Visenya (if they even had sex on those nights), he was in love with Rhaenys and had sex with her often.

[...] rumors flew about the court that King Aegon might take another wife, as Rhaenys was dead and Visenya childless and perhaps barren.

Somehow the rumour was spread that Visenya was childless because she was barren and readers took it at face value, when the explanation is right there in the first quote. Visenya didn't have children before, because she and Aegon rarely had sex. They had a marriage of duty, not love. The one Aegon was obviously trying to conceive with was Rhaenys. And they tried at least for 6 years until Aenys was born in 7 AC. I'm assuming they started after the Conquest, when the constant wars ended and they needed an heir to stabilize their new regime. On the other hand, after Rhaenys died in 10 AC and Aenys' condition worsened, Visenya and Aegon were forced to do their duty and actually started trying to conceive. They succeeded after only a year, as Maegor was conceived in 11 AC and born in 12 AC.

Why is no one asking why Rhaenys took 6 years to conceive? I think she was the sister with fertility issues, not Visenya.

Again, when looking to the main series for similar cases, I can think of a character that had trouble with conceiving and birthing a living child for years and that's Lysa Tully, the mother of the infamously weak and sickly Sweetrobin. Aenys and Sweetrobin are described in a similar way: they are small for their age, grow slowly, have spindly limbs, watery/runny eyes, cry a lot, and prefer their mother's milk. Sweetrobin wasn't weaned, while Aenys "screamed for a fortnight when he was weaned".

As we know, Lysa's fertility issues were caused by her having an abortion when she was a teenager. She almost died from it. We don't know anything about Rhaenys' younger days, but she was a party girl, so a similar situation could have caused her to have trouble conceiving until she was 31. Lysa gave birth to Sweetrobin after 10 years of marriage. She had 5 miscarriages and 2 stillbirths. In Rhaenys' case there's no information about any stillborn babies, but miscarriages could be hidden if they happened early in her pregnancies. Besides that, she and Aegon had political reasons to hide any of their troubles with conceiving the heir to the throne.

It looks like Visenya and Aegon are both wrongly accused of infertility. Maegor being quickly conceived after Rhaenys died and they needed a spare proves that they were both fertile. They just needed an urgent reason to do their duty.

It's all a misunderstanding

As an aside, I have a theory that the rumour about Visenya being barren was caused by a cultural misunderstanding. Valyrian/Targaryen customs in regards to procreation could be different than Westerosi tradition. Targaryens' immunity made it less pressing to have many children right away like Westerosi do, because the children wouldn't die of common illnesses and most likely survive to adulthood. Another reason for less children could be the necessity to maintain control over dragons and the hierarchy within the family. Too many people having dragons in the family at once would lead to infighting for the leadership. Examples of that kind of conflict were Maegor fighting his nephews for the throne and then the Dance of the Dragons.

I think Westerosi assumed that from the start of his rule, Aegon was trying to conceive children with both of his sisterwives. Rhaenys gave birth, but Visenya didn't, so she had to be barren. The Westerosi just couldn't imagine a situation in which a man, a king wouldn't even try to get one of his two attractive wives pregnant.

Visenya, being a warrior type and married only for duty, not love, probably wasn't keen on having children if it wasn't needed at the moment. Her behaviour and priorities weren't like those of a typical Westerosi noblewoman, whose most important duty is childbearing.

Later on, Targaryens adapted to Westerosi culture and started having more children, because there were many stillbirths and infant deaths. Also daughters couldn't inherit, so some kept trying to conceive in order to have sons.

Why Maegor and Aenys weren't bastards

I think that kind of plot twist misses the point. If the famously incestuous dynasty isn't actually doing incest and instead has kids with secret lovers, then what's even the point of making them incestuous in the first place. Targaryens are supposed to show the negative effects of incest and abuse being passed down the generations of a royal dynasty.

Visenya was faithful as the book says: "no one ever questioned Visenya’s fidelity to her brother-husband", while Rhaenys was rumoured to take other lovers, but then she had a sickly son. He was sickly because he was born from incest and he was a premature baby. Aenys only survived because he bonded with a hatchling, while many other Targaryen children like him later on didn't have that opportunity (like Jaehaerys and Alysanne's sons Aegon, Gaemon and Valerion, Baelon and Alyssa's son Aegon, Viserys I and Aemma's sons). Both Maegor and Aenys are Aegon's sons and I'll leave it at that.

Conclusion

The theory that Maegor was a dark magic baby has no legs to stand on. There's no evidence of a dark magic conception ever occurring in the whole series. Visenya couldn't learn any magic related to birthing because she never went to far east of Essos and as a dragonlord, she couldn't go to Braavos. She wasn't barren, she and Aegon rarely had sex (if they even did) and they didn't want to conceive when Rhaenys was still alive and trying to have a child with Aegon. After she died, Maegor was conceived quickly because Visenya and Aegon had a motivation to do their duty - Aenys' state regressed and it was uncertain if he will survive to adulthood.

Being a dark magic baby isn't needed for someone to be big, strong and cruel as proven by The Mountain, ser Gregor Clegane, whom Maegor resembles a lot in his size, strength and terrible deeds, which are almost the same. Both of them suffered a serious head injury which also could be a reason for their cruel behavior.

Infertility isn't caused by being created with dark magic, but by taking part in dark magic rituals, like Daenerys was. Maegor was healed/resurrected by Tyanna in a later part of his life, after which he kept having premature, malformed babies. There are also many other plausible causes of his lack of healthy children.

There's no reason to believe dark magic was used to conceive Maegor but he certainly had contact with it later on in his life.

.

I hope I was convincing in this argument. I'm open to discussion and questions. If there's any book evidence I missed, please let me know. I spent entirely too much time thinking about Aegon-Visenya-Rhaenys dynamic and their sex schedule, but decided not to include that as it wasn't that important to the argument. Next up I could analyze Jaehaerys and Alysanne's bad parenting or move on to reading and comment on the Dance era.

[monmelia]

Monmelia Analysis Part 1: Challenge, Timing & Soulmates (20x03)

Fourteen years ago, my love for shipping began with Brittany and Santana from Glee. They were my first ship—foundational to my experience as a closeted teenager—and while they might not have been perfect, they were everything I needed at the time.

Now, in my thirties and confident in my sexual identity, I didn’t expect to feel that invested in a ship again. I’ve enjoyed seeing other wlw couples on screen, but none ever stirred the same level of attachment—until Monica and Amelia from Grey’s Anatomy (Monmelia) came along. Their dynamic brings me back to those early days of following every hint of a storyline. Watching them, I find myself excited by the possibility of watching a meaningful, slow-burn romance unfold.

I love writing, and I love analysing, so I figured while Monmelia are still in their early stages, it’s a good time to start up an analysis blog of my own. Back in my Brittana fandom days, I used to love reading stuff like this, soaking up all the content I could get and living off the mere breadcrumbs the writers gave us. This feels no different. I plan on writing a blog per episode (where they feature) and just giving my potentially delusional but hopefully insightful thoughts on all of their interactions/scenes etc. But like I said, I love analysing, so if there’s anything I miss that you want me to analyse, just ask! I’m excited to go on their journey with them, so if you’re reading along too, enjoy, and hopefully the writers are kind to us!

So taking it back to the start of Monmelia, all my feelings and observations are below.

As a long-running character on the show it makes sense to start with Amelia. She seems to be a controversial character amongst the wider Grey’s fandom, but having binged all of her Private Practice backstory and really getting to understand her, she’s undoubtedly one of my favourites. She’s loyal to her loved ones, resilient to the core, super caring and incredibly misunderstood. Her history with love has been pretty tumultuous, and I, like many others, just want to see her settle down and find her person. 

“I have fallen in love so many times in my life, and it feels like a roller coaster. It feels thrilling and consuming and sickening and desperate, and this did not feel like that. This... I think I felt seen? I felt known. And, I didn't fall in love... I kind of slid into it, like two puzzle pieces that just kind of fit.” - Amelia Shepherd (18x20)

Taking Amelia’s own analysis on her love life into consideration, it’s safe to say her relationships have always been somewhat chaotic. Despite best intentions, the relationships haven’t provided the grounding stability she so desperately needs. At the point when Amelia makes this observation she is talking about her relationship experiences prior to Kai Barley. Relationships that were fuelled by passion and urgency, often amplified by her own emotional struggles and history of addiction, which brought both intensity and instability into her romantic life.

Amelia’s reflection on her relationship with Kai highlights a different kind of connection—one based on mutual understanding, acceptance, and emotional safety. She highlights the feeling of being “seen” , indicating a love that acknowledges her as a whole person, flaws included. It suggests a level of emotional intimacy and stability she hadn’t experienced before, where she feels accepted rather than overwhelmed. The metaphor of “sliding into” love, like “two puzzle pieces that just kind of fit,” captures a sense of natural compatibility, a relationship that feels right without force or drama. A kind of love that is comforting, subtle, and enduring, contrasting with her prior experiences that were more about immediate intensity.

We of course know that this relationship with Kai didn’t work out for Amelia in the long term, but I think it’s important to discuss, as it shows Amelia’s growth in her concept of love. Instead of chasing exhilarating but destabilising relationships, she finds herself pursuing a love that feels effortless and affirming—a connection that brings peace, mutual respect, and a sense of belonging, rather than an overwhelming rush of passion. However unfortunate it is that it didn’t work out, it still feels like a turning point in Amelia’s personal journey with love. 

Admittedly I’m not a huge fan of Amelia’s relationship with Kai, and I feel Kai led Amelia on and that Amelia looks at the relationship through rose tinted glasses when making that statement, but my own personal feelings aside I want to look at the relationship focusing solely on Amelia’s part in it. Because although Amelia describes it as a love that doesn’t make her feel desperate, we see her exhibiting needy behaviour towards the end of the relationship when Kai is moving to London. As soon as the move is announced, Amelia’s sole focus is on finding a solution to help Kai stay, without taking Kai’s desires into consideration.

“From the minute I told you about London, which is the biggest career opportunity of my life, you have made it about you. There were no words of encouragement or congratulations. No acknowledgement of how hard I worked for this.” - Kai Bartley (19x15)

And listen, I get it. It’s not that Amelia is being intentionally selfish, it’s that she’s so crippled by her deep fear of abandonment, an issue that has shaped her relationships and reactions throughout her life. For Amelia, the prospect of losing someone important triggers a defensive, almost desperate response to hold on tightly—a reaction that often leads her to prioritise her own emotional needs over her partner’s happiness and success. And again, it’s not that she doesn’t care about Kai’s success, but the abandonment is at the forefront of her brain, and so all she can think about is providing solutions to prevent that from happening.

Another layer to this dynamic is Amelia’s tendency to seek validation and stability through her relationships. She craves reassurance that her partner will stay, particularly after facing so much upheaval and loss in her life. This leads her to focus on her need for closeness, security, and continuity in the relationship rather than allowing space for Kai’s achievements and aspirations to be celebrated. Her behaviour in this situation highlights a recurring struggle to balance her own needs with those of her partner—a theme we’ve seen in her past relationships as well.

I guess my overriding point here is that I don’t think Amelia has met a partner that has been a true equal for her yet. It’s been more about how they’ve made Amelia feel, and less about how Amelia has added value to their life. She frequently looks to her partner to provide validation, security and love instead of doing the inner work necessary to cultivate this herself. She becomes attached quickly, often without considering her partner’s needs or how she can contribute positively to the relationship. 

For instance, with Owen, Amelia’s trauma and issues around motherhood led her to rely on him for emotional support, but she struggled to communicate openly, which hindered any real connection. Her fear of vulnerability meant that instead of showing up for Owen in the way he needed, she frequently pulled away, avoiding conversations about her trauma, motherhood, and her real needs.

Similarly, with Link, Amelia found someone steady and reliable, and she leaned on him during a time when she was navigating pregnancy and the uncertainties of motherhood. Yet when the relationship demanded a deeper level of self-awareness and mutual support, Amelia’s insecurities resurfaced, leading her to withdraw. She questioned whether she wanted the stability and family structure Link offered, revealing her ambivalence and a lack of personal clarity. Rather than growing with Link, Amelia leaned on him as a source of comfort and stability without fully committing to the relationship or working through her underlying issues.

And then with Kai, whom Amelia felt “seen” and “known” by, her attachment quickly became about what Kai could do for her emotionally, providing her with a sense of affirmation. When Kai’s career goals and reluctance about parenthood clashed with Amelia’s desires, her initial reaction was to convince them to stay rather than supporting Kai’s achievements or seeing things from their perspective.

And this dynamic illustrates a common theme for Amelia: she seeks out relationships as a means of avoiding loneliness, filling emotional gaps, or validating her self-worth. The result is often an imbalance where her needs take precedence, leaving little room for her partners’ needs or her own personal growth. 

For the record, I love Amelia, and I’m absolutely not saying she’s the problem in all of her relationships. Believe me I could talk at length about the various failings from her previous significant others, but this blog is focusing on Amelia and Monica, and so I think it’s important to reflect on where she’s at when Monica comes into the picture. 

Because what I want for Amelia more than anything, is to see her confront her traumas and insecurities independently and build her self-worth from within rather than relying on a partner to provide this for her. I want her to do the work so she doesn’t need to be dependent on others to feel whole. And then I want her to find a lasting, healthy love who challenges her and embraces her flaws, and loves her for exactly who she is. And I want her to do that for them in return, and to show up for her partner in ways I know she’s so capable of (because duh, she’s so damn loyal and caring and loving), because her own insecurities will no longer be in the way.

And this is exactly what I think Monica is going to be for her. And it’s the reason why I love them so much and why I plan to analyse every little moment, because call me delulu, but I’m so sure the arc is setting them up for this dynamic. I’m sure that Monica is going to be Amelia’s end game, and she’s going to enrich Amelia’s life in ways we can’t even imagine right now (and vice versa).

And I’m sure of this, because we’ve already seen snippets of this, because at the time of writing this they’ve just aired 21x05 which was so pivotal to their story IMO, but this is an ep by ep blog so more on that later.

But in essence, we already saw growth from Amelia in changing her concept of love during her relationship with Kai, but with Monica I feel we’re going to see even more growth in terms of a truly balanced partnership due to the fact Amelia is going to shift the emphasis of finding fulfilment via someone else.

Because when we meet Monica in 20x03, Amelia is already working towards being in that space. She light-heartedly tells Meredith that she’s got a cat because she’s given up on finding a human soulmate. This is important because it shows that since her fairly recent breakup with Kai, Amelia has opted to do something for herself that will meet her emotional needs, outside of a romantic relationship. It would be easy for Amelia to seek happiness from a meaningless rebound or jump into another relationship, but instead she decides to heal and directs her energy on doing something for herself.

The other important factor of that scene is the timing. And timing is something I feel will be discussed a lot in this blog. Just as Amelia is talking about giving up on her human soulmate, we get our first proper introduction to Monica as she beeps her horn at Amelia. In the context of the scene, she beeps because Amelia has taken her parking spot, but I can’t help but think that this is foreshadowing. As viewers we see Monica beep loudly right after Amelia’s statement of giving up on love, as if to say “Don’t give up yet, I’m right here!”. When someone honks their horn at you, it’s often startling and unexpected, much like Amelia’s romance (or crush for now) with Monica is. I don’t think Amelia is planning on finding love. She’s healing, seemingly working on herself and has declared she’s given up.

It’s apt (but also always the way it happens because there’s no better time for a relationship than when you’re hyper focused on yourself) that Monica would come in at this time. Nothing can convince me that the timing of Amelia announcing she’s given up on her soulmate coinciding with Monica’s first scene isn’t significant.

I could further deep this by analysing the fact Monica is distracted on her phone. She’s not paying attention until Amelia takes her spot. She only notices the spot becomes free when Amelia takes it, and then she gets all mad at her. It could possibly foreshadow the wider dynamic of Monica being too distracted by her divorce to pursue anything with Amelia, and perhaps like with the parking spot situation, Amelia will have to do something to get her attention (not necessarily intentional) and prompt Monica to realise her feelings and make her notice. It would be an interesting future parallel if this plays out. Of course this is all just speculation and we have no idea where the writers are going to go with this. And do I think the writers put this much attention to detail into callbacks and parallels? No. But I definitely think there’s a lot of intentional set up between these two. The soulmate line at the very least. And Amelia stealing Monica's parking spot like she's about to steal her heart.

Then we get to the scene in the hospital and both Monia and Amelia are surprised to find they’re working together after the earlier parking incident. Amelia is visibly embarrassed and it shows in her demeanour, and there’s clear tension in the air, but they put it aside to care of their patient. Monica immediately challenges Amelia, she talks over her during the consult and it clearly catches Amelia off guard and causes her some frustration. Monica is new to the hospital, so it could be that she’s trying to establish her authority. It sets a precedent of tension for them in their first few scenes, but more importantly it sets a precedent of Monica challenging and pushing Amelia further than she’s used to being pushed.

We see this dynamic explored further when they’re discussing surgical options for their patient. Amelia immediately dismisses Monica’s idea and Monica retorts by telling her to take a minute to think about it. Though Amelia is initially defensive to the suggestion, and Monica is seemingly unfazed by Amelia’s admission that she’s the Chief of Neurosurgery (plus the fact she doesn’t know Amelia), we can surmise that Monica is instantly confident in Amelia’s surgical abilities. She’s confident enough to challenge her and push her boundaries, and she knows she can get more out of Amelia. When we translate that to a future romantic relationship, it’s a good dynamic to have, and I think Amelia would really benefit from a partner who isn’t afraid to challenge her and push her to go deeper than she’s used to going. 

When Amelia is reluctant, Monica notes that impatience must be her thing. From the minute I heard this I assumed it was going to have deeper meaning to their arc, and knowing what we know now about Monica going through a divorce and not being ready for a serious relationship, I’m sure this is going to be significant for them. My initial thoughts at this point are that it’s going to be a slow burn and Monica isn’t going to be ready for a relationship for some time. They’ll undoubtedly grow closer, and Amelia is going to inevitably feel some impatience waiting for the relationship to progress. Perhaps she’ll even move on herself. I feel like this comment from Monica will for sure be a future parallel in which Amelia just needs to be patient to get her girl.

Amelia later confides in Richard that she is being pushed by the new peds surgeon to consider an alternative option that has more risks. Could that be foreshadowing Monica pushing Amelia to consider alternative options to love with more risks? Because with soulmate love, of course comes more risk of being hurt. He also notably points out that Monica is a boundary pusher, and draws comparison between her and Amelia. This has to be symbolic and perhaps a sign that both of them are going to push boundaries and open up new depths in each other.

Monica’s pushing works and Amelia figures out an alternative option. Yay for cute girlfriend knowing her full potential.

“Finally!” Amelia says as Monica and Blue enter the room.

“You do know we were waiting for you, right?” Monica flirts playfully responds.

The delusional deep thinker in me wants to say that this could be another potential foreshadow into their arc. Because although we know Monica isn’t going to be initially ready for a relationship with Amelia, it could be that the dynamic switches and in true Grey’s style, Monica will realise she’s ready just as Amelia has either started to move on (albeit casually) or maybe she’s just decided to stay single and focus on herself (which tbh would be huge growth for her), Basically, by the time Monica comes around, maybe Amelia just isn’t going to be available anymore (whether that be emotionally or physically). So when they finally get it together, it could be that they both had to do an element of waiting but in different ways. So for Amelia it’s like “Finally!” since she made the first move, but maybe it’s actually Amelia who delays them actually being together, hence Monica’s “You do know we were waiting for you.” But again, this is all just speculation. It could just be that the scenes are what they are at face value and there’s no deeper meaning. But I definitely think all this talk around patience and taking time has to mean something. There’s too many references to it.

The whole episode centres on Monica influencing Amelia to take time and have patience, and the success that follows when she does that, so it’s interesting to think how this could apply to a romantic relationship between them. It’s even more pivotal given their dynamic, and the obstacles between them on both sides (Monica’s divorce and Amelia’s own issues she needs to work on).

Time is clearly going to be of the essence for them, and I kind of hope that if they do go down the route of Amelia holding them up getting together that it’s because she’s decided to work on herself as opposed to her moving on with someone else, because that would be the ultimate growth for her. For her to have Monica finally want to date her but for her to be strong enough to say no until she’s ready and healthy in her own self, just like how Monica waits to date Amelia until she's ready and had dealt with the issues that came with her divorce. That would be symbolic of the message in this episode around patience and timing and how taking the alternative longer route can lead to the more successful ending, so I hope that’s what this episode was foreshadowing.

If Monica and Amelia could translate the way they work together, communicate and find solutions as effectively as they do in surgery to a romantic relationship, I’m telling you, they’d be a dream team!

“I’m thinking you’re much more effective when you take your time.”- Monica Beltram (20x03)

Could that quote from Monica be in relation to the context of the episode with Amelia finding an alternative option to the surgical procedure? Yes. But the deep thinker in me wants to believe it foreshadows Amelia either  a) Taking her time in waiting for Monica to come around by being her supportive friend during her divorce in the meantime, b) Taking the time to work on herself before pursuing a relationship with Monica, just like Monica has done with her by not jumping into anything.

Or it could be both?

Or neither.

Even the lighter scenes in this episode feel meaningful. Whether it be the bashful back and forth of “go ahead” when they reach for the same scrub brush, the persistent challenge from Monica or the lingering glances during surgery, there’s a clear set up of underlying tension right from the start with these two.

After a successful surgery, they’re told they make a great team, and Monica glances at Amelia. Before Amelia can fully acknowledge this, she hears the door slam and Monica has left. Perhaps a metaphorical sign of things to come with Monica not being ready to embrace everything between them?

But I can’t help but agree that Monica and Amelia are a great team, and as you can probably tell by my ramblings, I think that their dynamic at work could absolutely extend to a romantic relationship. 

And I’m optimistic enough to say I think this could be the relationship that Amelia needs. But also, one that Monica needs. And I’m excited to find out more about Monica as a character. But ultimately I think it will be a relationship that is going to equally push them both to grow. A relationship that’s all about challenge and timing and patience, but most importantly, about soulmates.

So Amelia, I hope you haven’t given up on finding your human soulmate. Because Monica is right there!

I hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings, I try and make it as cohesive as possible I swear. I’ve already started writing up my thoughts on 20x04 so I hope you stick around for that, and for whatever else the Monmelia journey brings!