#gang you don't understand how excited i am | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

orshii · 10 months ago

Text

Limitless (through the night)

Author: orshii

Pairing: biker! Choi San x female reader

Warnings: cursing, brief mention of death

Word count: 11,5 k

Summary: You have broken the rules, again. The punishment? You’re moving in with your father, sent back to your hometown which you had grown to be a stranger to. What happens when old affairs return in the form of Choi San? The only guy you wished to forever avoid, the guy who was a menace and always knew which buttons to push.

Will he put aside your differences and help you out when you get in trouble again?

A/N: Wow, I guess I'm here again...Ever since I saw these pictures of San, I'm obsessed with it, so a story kinda popped out of my mind lol. Like, I'll just never get over biker San pls, he drives me crazy, and I don't like it (lie). Anyways, thank you for my talented bestie @bvidzsoo for helping me a lot. I'm really a newbie to this whole writing and Tumblr world so, ly bestie hehet. Please, enjoy! I'mma be back soon, with a Hongjoong series too, lmao. Okay, byee, xoxo, orshii. (divider)

Moving to a new place could excite you due to all the new opportunities coming your way, alongside with new people, which may become your new friends.

In my case it wasn't like this. I was moving back to my hometown, which I have left almost ten years ago, leaving behind my father and all the people who I was once close with.

Now, I'm on my way back to my father, back to the house where we once were a happy family. My mother left my father, because it seemed like my father cheated on her. But the actual truth was that she just wanted to escape from this little town. She had no opportunities here, so she just blamed everything on him to have a reason to leave this shitty little town behind, alongside with me. I was only 10 years old, I did not understand back then what the hell was happening, so I just went with her. We moved to a bigger city, which was full with people. I never liked it, I hate crowds, I hate how the city is full with life.

After a while, my mother met someone and he was rich, so, we moved into a bigger house, which looked like a castle. I did not like it; I like simple things. I liked our old house, where the walls were cracked like a river spreading through the map. It was beautiful in its own way.

So why am I going back again to my hometown? I look to my left, where my mother is driving. She looked tired and mad; she was continuously frowning while she was driving. Maybe she was thinking about how she could bring a child like me into this world. Of course, I was the cause of going back to my hometown. It was my punishment.

I'm going to be honest, lying isn’t something I do often. Since I was little, I adored motorcycles. They are so beautifully shaped and their sound is simply music to my ears. I love watching them through the TV, the bikers riding their fancy motorcycles and competing against each other, going in circles like Formula 1 cars on the circuits.

My dad had owned an old Yamaha, it was beautiful. He noticed that I adored it, and so, he taught me everything about motorbikes; which part of the bike belongs where, he even taught me how to repair some broken parts. That was the moment I fell in love with motorbikes. I could not wait until I grew up and finally got my license. I had one purpose in life, and that was it.

And after a lot of patience, I finally got my license, but I had no motorbike. This became my next goal. To buy a bike. I succeeded doing that too, and I was proud of myself.

I looked back, where my beautiful matte black Yamaha R6 was tied safely onto the trailer. After I bought Toothless—I have named it that—I naturally joined a motorbike gang and slowly got into the world of racing. But these were illegal affairs, illegal races. You’d rarely get caught, so I didn’t worry about it. But one day I made a very bad mistake and I was left to face the cops. I was alone, the others—whom I considered my friends—left me there, letting me face the repercussions all on my own. As soon as my mother got me out of the police station and we got home, she started packing my things, saying 'You're moving in with your father.' My opinion did not matter, it was settled, and I just needed to obey. I did not care about anything at that point, so I just went with it without a word. Since that incident I did not want to make any friends, I did not trust people anymore, not even my mother. She betrayed me by sending me back to our hometown, treating me like I was a nobody to her. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, I am used of being passed around by others.

As soon as we drove through the streets of my hometown, little memories started resurfacing and I smiled. It was good to be back, to be honest, I have always loved this area. I never actually wanted to leave it behind, I just really had no choice but to do otherwise.

When we finally arrived to the house where we had once lived, a whirlwind of emotions hit me like a truck. My father stepped out from his car service, wiping his oily hands onto a used black cloth, which was once white. He looked tired and worried, mimicking the same expressions reflected on my mother’s face.

I stepped out from the car, looking around a little bit. Nothing has changed since I had last been here, and that was a long time ago. We never came back after the separation, my father used to visit us when he had the time, but it was rare, and our relationship went from having a happy father-daughter connection, to a shallow 'How's school? Good.' connection.

As I looked around, my parents were talking quietly just so I wouldn’t overhear them, but I knew they were talking about me. They were talking, and then suddenly my mother was moving, giving me a kiss on my cheek and saying 'Don't get into any trouble', leaving me there like I was an abandoned cat, handed back to the streets because it kept causing trouble. She chose the easier way, passing me into the hands of my father.

I pushed my bike into the garage and covered it with a blanket, I did not want Toothless to be dusty from all the dirt flying around the air. My dad showed me around the house acting as if I was there for the first time. I stepped inside my old room; everything was just how I had left it. The old drawing in which I had drawn our once happy family, and even my little pink shoes, which I had cried about leaving behind accidentally. Everything was the same, except me.

I got enrolled into the local University. I wanted to learn still as I had nothing to do; I needed to keep my mind busy. As I was headed to the new University on my bike, I felt anxiety crawling up through my body. I never liked new places, and besides, this was a little town, everyone knew everyone. And so, I was the new girl in town to them. The girl who came back after years of being gone. I don't really think anybody is actually aware of who am I. I had changed.

I arrived to the parking lot of the university, and cut the engine of Toothless. I sighed before I got off my bike, taking off my raven black helmet with red lines on it. My anxiety had finally crawled through my body, managing to reach my mind and thoughts, clouding them and keeping me locked in, not letting me go for even a second. My thoughts had always been my biggest enemy. Overthinking made me feel anxious about even the littlest things. It wasn’t good as this influenced my behavior, all the time. I tried to gather myself, not having noticed that somebody was watching me.

"Princess is back in town and has a little motorcycle, I see." I jumped at the sudden deep voice coming from behind me.

I turned around and saw a very familiar looking, handsome, guy in front of me, but I did not remember his name. He was smirking at me, his eyes sharp like a knife, glaring at me like he was a predator and I was his prey. He was wearing a black hoodie that hugged his broad shoulders perfectly, with black shorts that reached his knees, pairing with red Jordans.

"And who are you?" I asked frowning; I really did not know him, he looked familiar, but I could not place a name to his face.

He just tilted his head, looking at me sharper than before, "You don't remember me? I'm Choi San."

He was frowning his thick eyebrows, a little cut in his left eyebrow making his glare more intense.

Choi San, the mayor's son. Now I knew who he was, and I did not fucking like him. He was always the annoying rich kid from school, always stuck-up, acting all-mighty due to his family being rich. And he didn’t like me either anymore. At the beginning we were friends, but then shit started happening at home—my parents arguing constantly, not even noticing me anymore—and so, I closed myself off, not wanting to befriend anyone. I was just a child, my parents constantly arguing was a big enough trauma for me to stop caring about other things. So, I pushed San away, who, I assume, took it to heart since he started hating me and acting like a total jackass, not letting me live. It was like that until I left my hometown, leaving everyone behind.

"Oh, well then, I don't care." I said while grabbing my helmet from my bike and turning around to leave. I did not have the energy for this arrogant prick, he didn’t change at all, I could tell by his one little sentence.

He laughed, "Princess is mad, huh? Is that a Yamaha R1?"

He had asked while pointing at my bike, not letting me leave quite yet.

I sighed and turned around looking at him annoyed, "No, it's an R6."

My answer was short and snappy.

"That's from one of the newest series. I bet you begged on your knees your rich stepfather to buy it for you." He laughed sarcastically, and it sounded like an engine that needed an oil change. I sneered at the thought.

It hurt, it hurt because he didn’t know how many days I didn’t sleep because I had shift after shift, working my ass off. My stepfather and mother didn’t want to buy me a bike, actually they hated just the idea of it, but I didn’t care, so I took as many jobs as I could, and after three years of hard work, I finally get to buy this beauty. It had nothing to do with my stepfather. San was just being his old self, being an asshole, judging even though he did not know anything at all.

"Just fuck off, San." I snapped before walking towards the building. I was starting to get annoyed, but I didn’t let it show because I knew that was what he wanted out of this exchange. To piss me off, get on my nerves.

I finally stepped inside the building. I was a bit lost; I didn't know where I was supposed to go now.

"Let's race someday or are you scared, baby?" But San suddenly stopped next to me, looking at me arrogantly, not leaving me alone.

I laughed at the nickname, it was cringe, what the hell was he thinking? "I don't do shit like that."

I didn’t even spare him a glance.

"Then why do you have a motorbike?" San asked, looking at me like the police officer had when he was interrogating me.

"I obviously use it to go to church." I rolled my eyes as I started walking down the corridor. I got a lot of curious looks from the other students littered around in the hallways.

"I bet you raced in that big town of yours." San said, of course, following me.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks, and looked at him with deadly eyes, "Can't you just go and fucking annoy somebody else?"

"Princess is being mean for what? I just wanted to welcome you back in town." He said with a smirk on his lips.

"Oh, how humble" I said ironically, "Thank you for your kindness."

I smiled at him and saluted him before turning around. I did not have the energy for this egoistic guy.

I somehow found the director's office. He handed over my schedule and wished me good luck, and I was abandoned again in the empty corridor.

I was looking at my schedule, trying to figure out which classroom I needed to get in.

"Hey, new girl, are you lost?" I heard a voice calling out to—me— I had assumed.

I looked up and I found myself standing in front of a tall, black-haired boy, with the kindest smile I had ever seen in my entire life. He was wearing bright colors, which highlighted his bright smiley face, he looked like a walking sunshine.

"Hi, yes, a little bit." I said while looking at my schedule confused.

"Let me see." He took the paper from my hands and looked at it humming, "Oh, you are in the same major as me. I'm headed to that class; I can show you the way."

He offered me up with a sweet smile.

"Oh my god, thank you, you saved me." I huffed the air out from my lungs.

"This way." He pointed out the direction with his finger, and we started to walk towards the classroom.

"By the way, I'm Yunho." He said, reaching his hand out towards me.

I smiled while shaking his hand, "Y/N, nice to meet you. How did you know I am the new girl?"

I had asked him curiously.

"Everyone knows, it's a little town, the rumors here spread like the plague." He shivered with a smile.

I chuckled, "Oh, I see. Too bad, I just wanted to remain unknown."

"Your dad is quite famous in town, did you know? So, I assume he told someone you are coming, and puff, the rumors are everywhere." He gave me a side glance as he smiled.

"Yeah, maybe." I said, thinking about the fact that my father has a car service, which, I assume, is the only one in town. Therefore, people meet up with him constantly, thinking more of it, it isn’t a surprise that people know who I am, in the end it, it is a little town. We arrived to the classroom, and headed in.

The day went by quickly. I was glad I met Yunho, he was a funny guy, and he led me around the University, making funny comments about some students. I really needed him in order to integrate into this new community, which I was once part of ten years ago. It was as if I had to relive the past, as if I was walking down the same path, I had done so ten years ago, a path which might have changed during my absence. It felt like I had to start everything from the very beginning.

The days passed by quickly, and I just tried to avoid being in the spotlight as I found out everyone knew me, but I knew nobody, because who would remember the people they had met while being just a little kid? As I was randomly walking on the street, headed to get some groceries, random people would say hello and even ask how my mom was. I just quickly answered them, but I didn’t know who they were. I didn’t like the attention, when all the eyes were on me, so I tried to lay low, live my life quietly.

Then one day, as I had gotten closer to Yunho, he somehow convinced me to attend a party held by some guy named Song Mingi. I wore casual clothes, meaning simple black ripped jeans paired with a black crop-top, and a leather jacket. I am a biker, so the leather jacket is a must, even when you have to leave your bike behind, as I had done now. I felt like drinking something. I hadn’t gotten drunken in a while, not that this was my purpose for the night.

Yunho came to pick me up with his navy-blue Nissan GT-R. The car was beautiful inside out. And that is when I found out that Yunho used to do street racing, held by some local racing company. That's another reason as to why we became friends so quickly, as we were interested in the same things.

When we arrived to the house where the party was held at, it was already crowded. Luckily, there was the opportunity to stay outside, next to the pool, and so, I told Yunho I didn't really want to go into the crowd. He stayed with me, and to our luck, we found some alcohol outside too. There was a table next to the pool, and there were a whole bunch of alcoholic drinks on it, so, we took some tequila shots. As we were talking about some of Yunho's street races, I heard someone approaching us.

"Where did you leave your expensive bike, princess?" He clapped his hands together, reaching for a can of beer, opening it quickly with his thumb. He was wearing dark jeans, a white T-shirt, and on top a leather jacket. At least he knew the unsaid rule of the bikers. Leather jacket is a must, like I have said.

I looked at him with a glare, "I left it at church since I got drunk on the communion wine."

I said annoyed as it was my last wish to meet him tonight, “Just leave me alone, San.”

"Where's the fun in that?" He leaned close to my face, bending down to be at the same height as me, whispering it in my face.

"The fun must be where you brain is, which you seem to be lacking in." I pointed at his head.

He laughed loudly, "You'll see where is the fun when I beat you at the race."

He glared at me with his typical sharp gaze. It whispered danger. And I liked danger.

“I said I don’t race; do you have issues with your long-term memory now?” Despite meaning to be teasing and unabashed, my voice came out a little angry as I frowned.

“I saw the news about your little incident. You can’t be fooling everyone and telling them you nearly got arrested, princess.” He spread his arms, as he raised his voice, so everyone could hear it who was outside. I felt everyone’s eyes on us, coming closer, way too interested in hearing what the whole fiasco was about.

My blood had started boiling and I clenched my fists together, until my knuckles turned white. I was blinded by my sudden anger towards San, I just wanted to wipe that annoying, arrogant, smile off of his face. I stepped closer to him, my face inches away from his, as his back was facing the pool. He just needed a little encouragement for a swim, and so, I strongly pushed him towards the pool, and before he could fall in, I quickly whisked the beer out of his hand, and lifted it into the air.

“Have a good swimming, Choi San.” I placed the beer down on the table. That was my que to leave him there. I could feel his glare pointed at my back from the pool as he swum to the surface. I could feel his annoyance, that he felt embarrassed. I smirked to myself, Choi San, you have no idea whom you’re trying to annoy. Yunho came after me quickly and gave me a high-five for the move I had just pulled off.

The next hours at the party were spent by drinking and dancing, as I went into the dancing crowd. I just wanted to disappear in the crowd and feel good. I tried to avoid San the whole night as I didn’t want to see his furious side, San, who got humiliated by me. It was funny, I had to smile the whole time as I remembered his face when I pushed him into the pool, amused by the whole ordeal. I also got to know the guy who threw the party as Yunho introduced us to each other. Mingi was a tiny bit shorter than Yunho, but you could barely notice. He had a buzz cut and rocked his blonde hair; his sharp nose completed his small eyes well. He wore a black T-shirt with some silver necklaces around his neck, and black ripped jeans. His nails were painted black with some rings on his fingers. I am not going to lie; he was hot as hell. And I also found out that he races alongside with Yunho. He owns a Toyota Supra, and that nearly made me faint when he told me about it, because it’s a rare car. He then proceeded to show it to me. It was so beautiful and unique due to its painting. It was kind of a papaya orange with some words on it painted on it, 'Fix on' and 'Youth'. I really liked it.

I had asked the boys about what kind of race San spoke about, and they said it’s an illegal motorbike race, which happen to be very rare here. I quickly tried to forget about it. I didn't want to cause trouble again; I had promised my mom and also myself to stay low, to be better. San was just provoking me; I wouldn’t fall into his trap.

The next day at university as I was walking down the corridor, headed to the cafeteria, something immediately caught my eyes. It was a poster with a motorbike on it, of course it caught my eyes. I went closer to read it. It said that a motorbike competition was to be held, and the prize were some new parts to upgrade your motorcycle. This was the competition San was talking about, and it's going to be held tonight on the deserted streets of the city. I'm not going to lie; it piqued my interest. I miss speeding down the roads, the adrenaline coursing through my veins every time I race. And my bike is in urgent need of an upgrade, because these past days it felt like something was wrong with it, but I couldn’t figure out what it was exactly. For now, I'm going to let it go, but I still took the poster with me…just in case.

Evening came and I was in my room, I barely talked to my father all day, nothing unusual. Sometimes when I'm alone, and that happens a lot recently, I just start thinking about useless things that make me feel weak. I have never opened up to anyone before, I was never that kind of person, and besides, I always thought it's useless to open up to someone, because in the end they never truly care about me. And the fact that I was betrayed by my own "friends", it just confirms that I really should just stick to myself. I'm not going to say that it didn’t hurt when I saw my friends running away from the police, pushing me straight in front of them, telling me, "You are the new girl, handle it." Funny, I'm the new girl everywhere, I'm not going to belong anywhere, I am always going to be the new girl. They thought it was a nice joke, it wasn't; it ruined me. I started to think that the problem was me, that I deserved this, that I am not enough. As some time went by, I realized it wasn't my fault, but these thoughts still remained deep in my heart. And I will carry it with myself for a long time.

Here I am again, thinking about these things. These are those moments, when I need to clear my head. My solution for it is going out into the chilly air with my bike, cutting through the wind with the highest speed my bike can handle. The feeling of it being night, and I'm alone with Toothless, speeding through unknown streets, I feel like it's just me and my bike in this whole world. It’s like therapy for me. It just…understands me, just like the feeling you get while listening to music; sometimes you listen to a sad song, it makes you sad, it just describes your feelings, but if you are happy and you listen to that exact same song, it'll bring happy tears out of you.

I was going around the city aimlessly, when suddenly I saw a bunch of bikers headed somewhere. That's when I realized they were going to the competition. My heart started to beat quickly. I started inhaling and exhaling slowly, just the thought of racing made my blood boil, my skin itch, awakening my body like nothing else.

And as I kept following after them, suddenly I realized I arrived to the location of the competition. It was really my subconscious taking over, driving me here. I slowed down a little. There were a lot of people around crowding the bikers, watching their unique motorcycles. Some background music accompanied the sound of the engines as it melted together, creating an intriguing melody. The atmosphere here were totally different compared to the one in the big city. Back there it was just serious faces, who hated each other. But here, I only saw smiles and laughs even between the racers as it seemed like everyone looked at each other friendly, not viewing the other as the enemy.

I stopped my bike, turning the engine off after having parked it. I noticed some curious eyes on me. I didn't know what to do now, I was totally alone. I didn’t know anyone, but I needed to fight my anxiety as I took my helmet off. My helmet always gave me safety, kept me unknown, and that's what I always wanted.

When I stepped next to my bike, someone immediately caught me into a hug. It was Yunho. He lifted me up in the air and smiled.

"Oh my God, you are here, Y/N!" He said excitedly, putting me down.

I laughed, "Yes, I am. I don't know how exactly, I was out for a ride, and then I found myself here."

I said placing my helmet down on my bike.

"I am so happy you are here." Yunho said, his smile never disappearing.

"Yeah, I can see that." I chuckled looking at his bright face.

"Will you sign up for the competition?" He asked me with curious eyes.

I sighed, "I'm here so—I guess?"

I lifted my hands into the air, shrugging.

"Yes!" Yunho fist bumped the air happily, making me chuckle.

He then led me to a person at which I needed to sign up for the competition. I didn't know who I was going to compete against, just until Choi San came to sign up as well. I had already finished signing up as I stood aside with Yunho, while he leaned towards me and quietly started to introduce each racer.

"Did you know that we are going to race against each other, princess?" San said, throwing a quick glance my way with his sharp eyes, signing the paper in front of him. I checked him out very quickly, hoping nobody would notice. He was wearing his typical leather jacket but with a black T-shirt underneath, and ripped jeans this time. His black hair fell into his eyes as he finished filling out the paper. Every woman very noticeably thirsted after him, and I wasn't an exception…he’s fucking hot. What a shame he has a shitty personality.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him, tuning to face Yunho, who was talking to some guy I didn't know. Did San really not understand that I didn’t want to talk to him?

"I want to race against her." I heard San's voice coming from behind me. I turned around to look at him annoyed.

"You can’t get rid of me so fast." He winked at me, that fucker.

"I will, on the track." I smiled at him sweetly, turning around again as I went back to my bike with Yunho, adrenaline slowly starting to course through my body. I had to win this, I had to wipe that confident smile off of San's face.

The race started, it was a drag racing, meaning three bikers were lined on the starting point, it was a shorter straight section, then as the lights turned green from red, you just needed to shift the gears up as perfectly as you could. The first who reaches the finish line wins. Speed mattered only here, and how detailed you are about the gearing.

A few bikers were already done with the race, and I watched them curiously. Slowly, it was our turn to race. People were loud and they cheered whenever their favorites won.

I rolled over to the starting point. One guy was already there and I found out that I'm going to race against San and a guy named Hongjoong, whose nickname was the Devil. I didn't know him, but Yunho said he is one of the most well-known bikers in the town. He had a Honda CBR. His bike was sick, it was bright red and the owner sitting on it with his red helmet really looked like the Devil himself, I get why they call him that.

As I rolled next to him, I glanced towards my right as he was there. He looked at me and bowed his head, I did the same. It was a sign of respect. I liked the guy already.

San arrived to my left side with his Suzuki GSX, painted also with a very dark red, reminding me of blood, mixed with some black. These guys weren't playing, their bikes were absolute monsters. I could almost hide with Toothless, but my bike was almost on the same level as theirs, so I saw hope in winning this.

When the announcer spoke, saying our names and a few things about our motorbikes, I slowly started to focus on the task at hand. I did not hear anything else, just my fast-beating heart. I fixed my eyes ahead, breathing in and out. The engine sounds pushed away the crowd’s noise. The red light suddenly switched green, and I quickly lifted my left foot off the ground, concentrating on the perfect timing of the gearing, bending over a little to adjust with the speed. From the outside it looks like three bikes quickly reach the finish line, but when you are the driver, it feels like the longest minutes of your life.

At the beginning the three of us were head-to-head, then I was the one who was leading. I could feel the victory coursing through my bloodstream already. But suddenly, I heard a puffing noise from my engine, and it stopped without any warning. My bike started to slow, the thoughts of winning long forgotten.

'Shit, shit, no, no, no, no, no!' I mumbled to myself. I could barely stop; my bike was still resonating.

The two other racers quickly passed by me, leaving me with my broken bike. I glanced forward and saw San reaching the finish line first. I was so fucking close. I hit my bike angrily, and got off it to push it over to the side. This is the worst feeling ever, when you are so close that you can already feel the win, but then something out of your control happens and it’s not your fault, you can’t do anything about it, you’re only left with cursing the world, asking, 'Why me?'

I could feel something was faulty with my bike, but I didn't think it was this bad. I heard someone running my way. It was Yunho, and when he reached me, he leaned his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

"Fuck, what happened?" He asked straightening up, still breathing quickly from running.

"I don't know, the engine just stopped working." I kicked my bike. I loved Toothless, but when it did things like this, I felt like I was going to throw it out.

Yunho came closer to my bike, to try and see what the problem was. He crouched down to take a closer look as I stood next to him, using the flash of my phone to help him see better. I heard an engine slowing down next to us. Of course it was San, he took his black helmet off, smiling at me deviously.

"Daddy's money wasn't enough for a normal motor? It’s called karma, princess.” He said with a death glare, smirking annoyingly. “This is because you fucking pushed me into the pool."

Why the hell did he enjoy spitting out words that made no sense at all?

I could feel my blood boiling, my biggest desire at the moment being the want to punch that confident smile off his annoying face. I was so close doing it, I swear to God, I was ready to punch him hard, but that little sanity I was clinging on to did not let it happen. I always had problems controlling my anger. But slowly, I learned to handle it. I learned how to manage these feelings, so I just let it bounce off of me.

"Next time I’m going to push you into the sea, if you don’t stop being an asshole. Go, celebrate your fucking win, you really deserve it." I said, staring at him with deadly eyes.

"Your wish is my command, Princess." He saluted with a smirk, and then placed his helmet back on, driving away with his annoyingly loud engine. I scoffed as I watched him roll away.

"I think I'm going to call my dad, there's no hope in fixing it." I sighed. I'm going to get into so much trouble now. I was forbidden from racing, my dad won't be happy, I'm sure. But it is what it is. At least the cops didn't show up this time.

I called my dad and told him what happened. I was nervous of how he would react. To my surprise, his first question was about my well-being. He said he was coming.

While I was waiting alone for my dad—I told Yunho that he could since my dad was coming— Hongjoong stopped by my side, taking his helmet off. His blonde hair fell into his face as he ruffled his hair. He was damn handsome, he looked so soft, the opposite of his nickname.

"Everything alright?" He asked, his eyes full of understanding.

"Not really, my engine is broken, so yeah…" I said with a sad smile.

"Can I help you with anything?" He looked at me as if he really understood what I was feeling right now.

"No, thank you, I'm waiting for my dad to pick us up." I pointed at my bike.

"Okay, such a shame this happened. It was a good race." He smiled at me and then reached his fist towards me.

"Yeah, it could’ve be a good one." I fist bumped him, smiling.

"Next time perhaps then." He winked at me sweetly, "If you need any help, I'mma be around." He put his helmet back on.

"Okay, thank you." I smiled at him sincerely.

He rolled away quickly, leaving me there with my thoughts. Now, that's what I'm talking about. Why aren't there more people like him on Earth? He looks like an angel, not like the devil I suppose he is��on track. I was intrigued, I wanted to get to know him better. San could really learn a thing or two from him.

My dad arrived after a few minutes and we quietly placed my bike up on the trailer. As we were headed home, silence settled around us. I could feel he was pissed.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking straight ahead at the road, not wanting to see his disappointed expression.

"What did you think?" He started, "That you would race and I wouldn’t ever find out about it? It's a little town, Y/N, you already know how fast rumors spread here."

He glanced at me for a second.

"I know, I didn’t think, I just miss racing." Tears appeared in my eyes. "Please don't tell mom. She will send me to Azkaban after this."

Call it a defense mechanism, a trauma response, but I had always been like this…joking in serious situations.

I glanced at him and saw a very small smile appear on his lips, "I won't tell her, but it was very bold of you to race again. You can't do that, you know it, it'll have consequences."

He lectured me.

"Yeah, I know. Thank you for not telling mom." I said, relief spreading through my body.

"But you're still punished. You have to help me in the car service after school." He said glancing at me with a serious look.

"Okay, and maybe we could fix my bike too?" I said, glancing at him with a smile.

My father smiled back, "Maybe after we fixed some cars, we could check it out next week."

I clapped happily, "Thank you!"

The rest of the ride until we got home was quiet, I was happy my father was this understanding. I thought as soon as he finds it out, he'll send me back to mom, passing me between each other like I was a tennis ball. But to my surprise, it was the opposite, and I really didn't mind working in the car service. At least we could spend some more time together. I hoped we could fix our relationship, alongside with the cars, of course.

My days went by and they all were quite the same. I attended my classes at university, then my whole afternoon went by fixing cars with my father. He managed to teach me a lot of things about cars, even though my world was all about motorbikes I was always interested in cars too. I was planning on buying a car, but I needed to put that aspiration aside for a while. My priority was fixing my bike so I could finally ride it.

We checked out my bike and we found out that my engine was overheated, and that's why it shut down. An engine upgrade was needed, and we changed the turbo as well while we were at it. It was going to be even more powerful than before; I was so excited to finally try it out. On some days, Yunho and Mingi would come by the car service to check on me, and they even started helping me out in fixing my bike. We started getting closer, we laughed a lot in between the late-night repairing.

Yunho and Mingi invited me to watch their races, which were going to be held today. I had never been to races like this one before, so I happily accepted the invitation. I could finally try my bike out as I was headed to the race. It felt so good riding it again after a while. I felt like I could breathe again. I think I had gotten addicted to this feeling.

The race was held at the race track of the town, in the afternoon. The sun was slowly going down as I rode my bike, painting my black bike and helmet with the shade of dark orange.

When I arrived to the track, there were lots of people being excited about the race. It was a drag race again, but with cars this time. I looked around and I saw different types of cars, each looking very sick and unique. I started to feel excited as I was rolling down between the cars, searching for Yunho's parked car.

Then, I suddenly recognized someone with a blonde hair. He noticed me and started walking towards me with a smile. I stopped and took off my helmet.

"Fixed your bike, huh?" Hongjoong approached me with a genuine smile.

"Yeah, finally." I pet my bike with a smile.

"I'm glad, we shall try it out some day." He said with his white teeth flashing.

"We shall." I smiled back at him. I would wholeheartedly race with him again.

"Are you racing?" I asked with a frown.

"No, I came to watch, I won't betray my beast." He laughed sweetly. I swear to God, his laugh was like music to my ears, "You came to watch too?"

"Yeah, I've never been to races like this one before." I said, feeling excited.

"We can watch it together; I know the best place where we can watch it from." Hongjoong offered with a sweet smile.

"Okay." I accepted his offer quite easily, "But first, I want to wish Yunho and Mingi good luck."

"Come, you can put your bike down there, I’ll show you where they are." He pointed towards my right, where I could park my bike.

I pushed my bike to the designated area, and brought my helmet with myself. I did not want to leave my treasure there. Hongjoong lead the way to where Yunho's blue GT-R was parked, next to Mingi's orange Supra. These two cars next to each other looked so good. I was very tempted to take a picture of them.

I approached Yunho and hugged him from behind, surprising him. He laughed, "You came, finally."

"I would never miss it." I smiled looking up at him. He was wearing his racing suit with colors that matched his car. His hair was lazily brushed over his forehead, almost reaching his eyes.

I hugged Mingi too, the top part of his orange racing suit lazily hung around his waist, a white T-shirt underneath. This orange clothing suit him very well, highlighting his blonde buzz cut. They looked handsome. What is it today, everyone is looking so good?!

"I'm going to be in the crowd, watching you guys, good luck. Fighting!" I smiled and hugged them both again. Hongjoong also wished them good luck, resorting to giving them high-fives.

"Thanks, we'll try." Yunho said laughing.

We then walked to the spot Hongjoong mentioned before. It was really a good one, we could see everything from here. The crowd started to cheer as the first cars appeared on the track. It was a 2v2. Yunho was the first one, competing against a Mitsubishi Lancer. It was going to be hard to beat that car, but Yunho did not disappoint, and he won with a lot of advantage. Every minute counted here; they were measuring the time up until you crossed the finish line. Time mattered here as it could beat your opponent.

After a lot of quick races, the sun went down, street lamps were lighting the track up, the crowd cheering loudly. We laughed a lot with Hongjoong, and he explained the rules of the races we were witnessing. I finally felt happy after a long time, I loved the atmosphere here.

That is until someone sat next to me.

"Now you’re into cars too? Tell your stepdad to send you a car, a broken one perhaps." San said, looking at me with those fucking annoying sharp eyes of his.

Every time he appears, my mood is fucked, "I will, now leave me the fuck alone."

I had said not looking at him.

San laughed, "Not until we're racing with equal chances."

"Oh, so now you admit it wasn't a fair win for you?" I looked at him with a glare.

"No, I would've won anyways. I just wanted to see how much you could push. But your bike said, nah. I bet it'll fall apart again." He said, leaning closer to me.

My blood started boiling, it was one thing if I was the one saying shit about Toothless, but him spitting out these words about my bike were not allowed. Ever. San was provoking me, and I knew it, I fucking knew it, yet…

"Come, I'll fucking beat you this time." I looked at him with blazing eyes, starring at him sharply.

He stood up smiling, "It'll be my pleasure, princess."

He put his right hand on his heart and bowed.

Oh, how I would hit him in the face, I had nightmares about that fucking confident smile.

I stood up, Hongjoong grabbed my hands to make me look at him, "It's not the best time going out there, Y/N."

He said with concern in his voice.

"I don't care, I want to wipe that confident smile off his face." I was long gone, there was no chance of anyone convincing me doing otherwise.

Hongjoong stood up, looking at me with concern, "But please be careful, call me if anything happens."

He held my hands, he really looked concerned.

"Don't worry, savior. I'll keep her safe." San glared at Hongjoong with the deadliest stare I've ever seen.

Hongjoong stepped closer to San, letting go of my hands. "If anything happens to her because you’re a fucking idiot and your ass is just itchy, you'll regret it, I promise."

Hongjoong stared back at San, and in this moment, he really looked like the Devil. I stood between them as they were eyeing each other, glaring with their noses flared.

Whoa, whoa, hold on a second, what was happening right now—

"Okay, guys, stop! Let's not waste any more time and get this shit over." I looked at San, losing my patience.

He winked at me and then smiled, his dimples appearing. Did I just notice he has dimples?

He did not wear his usual black leather jacket tonight; it was a leather jacket with some red on its sleeves and on the waist with white lines. On the front there was a writing 'SUZUKI', referring to his motorbike being the same brand. I’m not going to lie; he looked hot as fuck.

We walked over to our bikes, which were parked next to each other. I sat on my bike.

"So where are we going? You know this town." I looked over to my left side to meet San's gaze.

"There's a freeway not far from here. There’ll be traffic, but it’s more exciting that way." He smirked.

I started my engine and reached my hand out, motioning to him to show me the way. We both placed our helmets on, and then it was game on from there on. There was no turning back anymore.

I followed San, turning on unknown streets, it was barely a five-minute ride. We stopped where the freeway began.

"The winner is who gets to the end of the freeway first. It's not that long." He told me through his helmet, being on my left side.

I just nodded, it was late into the evening, but the cars ahead of us were countless. It was a three-lane road, people might’ve been going home from work, because there were a lot of cars. We lined up at the side of the road, in front of the red light. San pointed at that, signaling that if it turns green, we start. I started to reeve the engine, my legs in starting position with my eyes focused on the road ahead of me, counting the cars, and analyzing how could I pass by them. Adrenaline crawled through me; my skin covered in goosebumps. I have never felt like this before, I was so hyped about winning this. I had to win this.

The red light suddenly changed to green, and I quickly lifted my foot off the ground, bending over my bike and shifting up. We slid through the cars like the river runs through the rocks. We were two quick arrows passing by the cars, wheezing from left to right. At first, we were head-to-head, but I got lucky and I could pass by a big truck very quickly. San wasn't that lucky, he stayed behind a little. We arrived to a tunnel; sudden strong light hit my eyes. Traffic was lesser here, so, San quickly caught up with me. The sound of our engines were so loud that its echo bounced of the tunnel’s walls. It was like music, the two-engine sound melting into each other. I'm not going to lie, I was enjoying it so much as I have never felt like this before, it was the definition of freedom. I quickly glanced at San and he lifted his arms, giving me a thumps up, then quickly passed by me. But I did not let that happen, I went after him. We arrived to the end of the tunnel, sudden darkness hitting me now, my eyes needed a few minutes to adopt to the dark again. As cars were in front of us, I quickly took the chance to go in between two cars, and I was leading again. Until I suddenly saw red and blue lights flashing from behind.

Shit, shit, no, not again—

It felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest, it was beating so fast. I can't get caught again, no way. I started to panic, and suddenly all strength escaped my body as I started to slow down. I couldn’t think straight as all thoughts left my mind seeing those colors again, getting flashbacks of that night. The lights, then being pushed straight into the cop’s hands, my friends running away, leaving me alone. San was suddenly next to me.

"Hey, Y/N, don't slow down, we need to lose them! I know a shortcut, follow me!" He yelled over the sounds of our engines and through his helmet, as I suddenly was back from the flashback as I looked behind me, seeing as the cops getting closer and closer.

I just nodded, suddenly feeling my strength coming back to me. There's no way they will catch me again. I quickly followed after San, passing by the cars, the police still following us, getting closer. San turned right onto a street, then left. We went through alleys and little streets, where only a bike would fit. I had no idea where were we, but I didn't care, because it seemed like San's plan was working and the red and blue lights were now far away from us. Suddenly, San turned left and went inside an abandoned factory's court. He quickly stopped and turned off the engine, signaling for me to do the same. I rolled next to him, and switched the key to turn off the engine. I glanced behind my back, I didn't see any signs of the police, but I still felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took off my helmet quickly, starting to inhale and exhale quickly.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair stressed, pulling it away from my face.

"Come, let's go inside, bring your bike too." San said, getting off his bike as he started pushing it towards the building.

As I got off my bike, I was shaking, the adrenaline was still in my blood. We brought our bikes inside and I needed to sit quickly. I sat down, pressing my back against my bike, lifting my knees up to my chest.

"I think they're gone." San sat down, doing the same as me.

He glanced over me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said, still not looking at him.

"Are you really that scared of the cops?" I could hear it in his voice that he was smiling.

"San, this is really not the time where you can say shit like that." I glanced over at him. I guess he saw my expression, because his face changed.

"Sorry, I didn’t—" We lifted our heads up as we heard the siren sounds. The red and blue lights lit the walls of the factory, and my heart dropped to my stomach.

"Shit, shit, they are coming here." I stood up, San did too. But suddenly, I heard the sirens getting further and further away. I let out the big breath I was holding this whole time.

"They just passed by, idiots." San laughed.

I glanced over at him in disbelief, and sat down again next to my bike.

San mirrored me, "We need to wait a little, though, so they will give up searching for us."

"You were in these kinds of situations a lot, huh?" I asked San, staring ahead into the darkness.

"Kinda, that's why I knew what to do." He said sighing. Quiet fell over us as we both were thinking, probably not about the same things as he spoke up, "But I don't get it. What did you do that you got almost arrested? Did you crash your bike and kill someone?”

He looked at me frowning. I scoffed at him; I really couldn’t believe he was like this.

"You don't know anything about me, so please stop assuming things when you don't know shit." I stared at him angrily, "It's making me feel sick, San. I'm so fucking tired of your comments, what did I do to you for you to behave like this with me?"

I asked him, looking his way then at my hands, "I was just fucking racing because I love to do so. Why is that so bad? Don’t you do the same thing, San? I’ve got arrested because my friends left me there, so I was blamed for that whole mess, on my own. So, please, ask before you talk shit."

There was a minute of silence, "Fuck, I didn't know, Y/N. I don't fucking know why I'm an asshole with you. It is so easy to piss you off."

I glanced at him; he was staring ahead as he ran his fingers through his raven black hair.

"And you are enjoying this?" I scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Of course I don’t, it’s just—" He turned my way, "Lately I did it just because I wanted to race against you and I thought if I provoke you, then you'll come. I know it sounds stupid, but don't say you didn't like it."

He seemed nervous a little. Choi San being nervous, interesting.

"I did enjoy it, San. But what the hell, why couldn't you just ask me nicely if I wanted to come with you? I would've, if you weren't such an asshole.” I looked at him, “And our bickering or whatever did not start here.”

"Yeah…I know." He looked down at his hands, "When we were kids you suddenly just got cold and pushed me away like I was some garbage. I was a little kid, it hurt."

He admitted. I didn’t recognize this San, this softer, nicer, side of him was strange to me.

"I was a little kid too. Kids are mean, you just had a weak heart." I said to him, "That does not mean you have to be an asshole your whole life, because I mistreated you when we were fucking kids. This is it, San. You need to adapt to some situations; you have to let go of foolish things at times."

I looked at him seriously.

"Forgive me for being such an asshole, you did not deserve it. I just tried to blame other people for my weaknesses." He admitted, and for a second, he looked vulnerable. But it vanished away quickly.

And suddenly we started sharing about our lives, the cops long forgotten, things that we didn't know about the other. I could see the side of him, which he rarely let anyone see. He could be really goofy, we laughed together, trying to recall the ridiculous situations we were in when we were just kids.

"And just so you know, I bought my bike, not someone else. I worked for it, for years. I took shift after shift, because I wanted something. You know…it hurt when you said those things to me." I suddenly felt like I had to tell him how much he stabbed a knife into my heart that day.

"Fuck this, this whole situation is ridiculous." He scoffed, his voice getting weaker. "I'm so fucked up. I'm so fucking tired of adapting to what people expect of me. I did this my whole life."

I looked at him as he buried his face into his palms.

Silence fell over the chilly air as San seemed to be on edge, while he quietly sniffed. I couldn’t believe that San was crying. It came out of the blue; I did not understand the cause of it.

Suddenly, I slipped next to him. I just wanted to hug him, he looked so broken. So, I went closer to him, still sitting on the ground, and hugged him tightly as he scooted closer to me and buried his face into my neck.

"It's okay, San. Sometimes life can be too much. Just let it out." I stroked his back patiently. I felt some tears falling onto my neck.

I couldn’t believe I was hugging Choi San right now, but I have always been like this. I don't care if he harmed me, if he needs a shoulder to cry on in his most vulnerable moment, then I’m going to be there for him because no one deserves to be alone in these moments.

"I'm so tired, I'm sick of this pain…" He mumbled into my neck, sobbing a bit, "After my mom died—"

"Your mom died?" I lifted his head from my neck, cupping his face with my hands. I looked at him with round eyes. I didn't know his mother died; I was shocked.

"Yeah, right after you moved away..." He said, looking into my eyes with his puffy ones. He seemed empty, he seemed like he wasn't feeling anything at all, "She had cancer, she…She struggled a lot…and I was alone, I needed someone to be there for me, I tried…I really tried." He said, his voice getting quieter.

I did not want to believe what I just heard, his mom was an angel, everyone liked her when she stepped on the stage alongside with the town’s major. They looked like true leaders. I always looked up to her, and now she’s gone.

"Oh my God, I didn't know, San. I'm sorry for your loss.” I blinked away my own tears as I wiped away his, “If I would've known—"

I felt a bit overwhelmed.

Suddenly his expression changed, it seemed like he had realized what he had done in the last few minutes. He locked his feelings away, again. He thought he showed too much of his weaker, softer, side and suddenly, he started closing off, just like I used to do. The old San was coming back. He pushed my hands away from his face aggressively, not looking at me.

"Whatever, I don't need your pity." He stared ahead, and leaned back against his bike, lifting his knees up to his chest.

I scoffed, "What did I do now?”

I blinked at him, not understanding the sudden mood change, “Okay, you can't be helped. I tried, I really tried to be nice with you, but you are impossible."

I stood up, "I think the cops are long gone, let's get the fuck out of here." I pushed my bike outside not waiting for San. I sat on my bike, starting the engine. San arrived next to me, with his bike.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." He looked at me with sincerity, but I did not fall for it.

"Yeah, me too, have a good night." I said with a disappointed look and I put my helmet on to drive away quickly. I just needed to get as far away as possible from him.

Weeks passed since that night. I tried to avoid San as much as I could. I just couldn't face him; I was so tired of his games. There were a few occasions when he tried to talk to me, but I just ignored him. It's not that I don't understand him, I do, I know what he's been through…at least I can imagine. That night, I tried to see his good side, but he did not let me in. And it hurt, because I knew he needed someone, and I would've been by his side. But he suddenly decided to push me away. He closed himself off, stayed in the dark, not allowing me to light his path for a way out. I really felt hopeful for a second that he could change, that he would lower his walls and let me in. But no, he'll just never change, so I gave up on hoping. At least I thought so, but these past days I just couldn't get him out of my mind. When I closed my eyes, I saw him as he smiled at me in for that few minutes when we were freely talking about ourselves. I'm not going to lie, I liked that side of San, it was so pure. And I would've never thought I was going to say such things about Choi San. But he made me feel strange things.

It was late into the night when I was still in the car service. A car needed to be fixed by tomorrow and I told my dad he could rest, he has worked all day long and I could see he was really tired, so I wanted to fix this car by tomorrow. The weather seemed like it would rain soon, lighting striking every few minutes.

Suddenly, I heard an engine sound from outside. I frowned, who it is this late? I opened up the garage door and I found myself facing a soaked San, getting off his Suzuki, staring at me the whole time. His clothes were starting to soak through, the raindrops falling off from his leather jacket. It had started pouring badly; I haven’t even realized it. My heart was beating fast. He took off his helmet, his hair immediately getting wet. San ran his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him without any emotion.

"I just want to talk to you, Y/N. Please, let me take you to a place." He looked at me with pleading eyes.

"In this weather, San, seriously?" I pointed out, still standing under the garage, safe from the pouring rain.

"It'll stop in a few minutes." He said his, black clothes soaked now, waterdrops falling off his face.

"How do you know? Are you a weather expert now too?" I asked frowning. I was just as hostile as he once was towards me.

He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair again. "I deserved that. Just like the pool."

He looked at me again. I could see a lot of regret in his eyes.

"That night, I closed myself off because your face reminded me of all the people who pitied me back then, when she died. I was only 11 years old, and I got sick of seeing those faces, it always reminded me of her death."

He started to tear up, his voice getting weak again, "Please, Y/N, forgive me. I know I fucked up everything, I just—you—you drive me crazy and I can't behave around you. I feel like when I'm near you I’ll lose my mind, like I’m not myself anymore. I said a lot of shitty things to you, and I judged you a lot even though I didn't know anything about you. I want to change that, I want to know you better, Y/N. I want to let you in, I'll do that if you also want it, but I hope you won't be scared of what you'll see."

I saw as teardrops fell down on his face, but the rain immediately washed it away, his voice cracking from the flow of emotions.

My heart wanted to jump out of my chest. I didn't except him to say things like these to me, "I'm not scared, San, to see your dark side. I never was, and I never will be."

Tears started to appear in my eyes, to my surprise, "You said some hurtful things to me, but I get it, I really do. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I was just so shocked, I didn't know…I didn't know, San."

I started to sob, tears falling from my face.

"I know, I know, baby." He stepped closer to me as he reached out for my hands pulling me out into the rain, into his chest. I cried into his chest as he rubbed my back up and down, my clothes and my hair soaked. I should’ve been the one comforting him, but in the end, I was the one sobbing like a little girl into his chest.

We stood in the heavy rain; our clothes wet, my hair sticking to my forehead yet he still hugged me like he never wanted to let me go. Caressing my back, he kissed the top of my head. I tried to inhale and exhale, so I could finally speak.

"I forgive you, and also I'm sorry." I whispered to him, lifting my head up from his chest.

He didn't let me go, his left hand was on my waist and he reached his right hand up to my cheeks to wipe off my tears, but they were wet again with tears and raindrops. "It's okay, don't cry, please, because then I'll cry too."

He smiled at me with the sincerity I've never seen before. His eyes were saying so much, it hurt. He finally let me in, allowed me to see his real self.

I laughed at that, and he followed suit, laughing together at this predicament, "Look at us, soaked like wet rats."

He smiled at me, never taking his sharp eyes off me.

Then suddenly his expression became serious, he stared at me as if I was his treasure, wanting to bury me, so no one could take me away, "I want to know you better, I want to know everything about you. What you like, what you don't, what is your favorite color, what do you like to eat, what you did while you were gone from here, what does it feel like to ride your bike…I want to know you, and never let you go."

He said, his hand still on my cheek, accompanied by his other one.

I smiled at him. I felt so happy at that exact moment, I didn't care if I was soaked, I only saw him, "Me too."

I said quietly.

He leaned closer to me, his lips almost touching mine, "Can I kiss you?"

He whispered against my lips sweetly.

Chills ran through my body. I never wanted anything more than him kissing me. I just nodded; words long forgotten. He closed the distance between us, and when our lips finally met, there was a loud thunder rumbling the world, lighting flashing around us and rain pouring from above, washing away our past where we said a lot of stupid things to each other. We could start with a clear page, melting our futures together. Our lips never stopped moving, it felt like heaven and hell met with each other as our lips moved against the other’s, just like when we were racing, both of us tried to win the other over. I welcomed San's darkness wholeheartedly and tried to scare it away with my light.

Then suddenly the rain stopped, and we separated from each other, looking up at the sky. The clouds were gone and the full moon was shining so brightly it looked like it was almost daylight.

I chuckled looking up, "You should apply to be a weatherman."

San was gazing at me so lovingly I felt like I was going to melt right there, "See? Now you can come with me, I want to show you something."

He held my hands.

"Okay, I should bring my bike then." I smiled at him, feeling as happiness crawled into my chest.

"It would be more proper if I was the one taking you there, but I want to race you." He held my waist and pecked my lips a few times. I still needed to get used to this San. I really liked it.

"I'm going to beat you." I scrunched my nose cutely.

"Okay, princess, but first, go change. I don't want you to catch a cold." He caressed my cheekbones.

"I'll bring you some clothes of dad’s, you'll catch a cold too otherwise." I kissed him quickly and then went inside the house, smiling like a fool, to grab some dry clothes.

It was the middle of the night, but two engine sounds cut through the late-night life. We were going up on winding roads, forests covering both sides of the road. I was laughing beneath my helmet as San goofed around, slowing down and then speeding again. I think I have never felt more happier than right now. It was pure freedom going through these curvy roads, racing against each other. But in the end, it was just the two of us sharing our passion, riding our motorbikes, the moon shining upon us brightly, guiding our roads, showing our future ahead of us.

I finally knew I belonged somewhere, to someone. It was my hometown, and Choi San.

162 notes · View notes

thattimdrakeguy · 8 months ago

Text

TIM DRAKE NEEDS OUR HELP

I need people NEED THEM, oh baby, oh goodness do I NEED people who don't know much about Tim Drake to stop talking about the Boy Himself: Tim Drake.

Presented: An accurate depiction of an 18-year-old Tim. The over-sized T-Shirt that helps his already lean body make him look skinnier (therefore people would underestimate him, which is part of his personal fighting technique) worn for comfort over anything else adds to it greatly. He does not normally dress fancy, as is sometimes assumed of him. Wearing some of the Robin colors also help.

If you do not know what he looks like, that is fine, that is actually UNDERSTANDABLE. Like what am I to do, pretend I don't know why people don't know what he looks like? After over a decade of him mostly looking like a generic white guy super hero?

Y'all gotta realize, people did not care about Tim for a very long time, because he was basically the D-List Robin since he stopped being the main one. So they never did their research. He wouldn't even be written right. And his relationships and details of his character could change drastically between writing changes. It was awful.

So those that don't know, please try to learn why people sometimes say what they do about Tim. It's not all true, but in this case, it is true. And when we get to see what he's supposed to look like in a real comic, it's very exciting for us, because we don't normally get that excitement anymore.

I know, it's sad just to be happy to see our fav look like themselves, but it's the spot we're in.

Presented: Canon Proof of Tim's appearance, set when Tim was only months away from being EIGHTEEN-YEARS-OLD, he was still being confused for being TWELVE-YEARS-OLD. Showing how he does look for his age.

Like he's SUPPOSED to be VERY SHORT, he's supposed to look lean to the point of seeming skinny in his street clothes, people are supposed to underestimate him (which is why his appearance works so damn well), he's supposed to have a soft 'cute' look to him, especially young looking even for his age as you can see above, that is part of him, one of of his gags is that he's confused to be twelve even when he was nearing eighteen. HE PURPOSELY LOOKS LIKE THAT. It is an ACTIVE choice. It is not a weird thing people just randomly do, it is a purposeful character design choice, made for the character, for him to stand out, and be different from the other characters with.

It is NOT a fanon thing people made to infantilize him. That is just what he looks like. And it is exactly what some real people look like. It is ACTUALLY part of him. It is a CANON part of him. That is brought up so much, because people keep thinking it isn't CANON, when it is CANON.

Presented: A horrible drawing of Tim Drake, during an era that made a lot of people have misconceptions of the character we're only lately getting away from. But some people still believe to be the more accurate Tim, based on when they started reading. DO NOT DO THIS.

All because a lot of artists don't care to draw him right, doesn't mean his appearance miraculously changed within the canon. Or at least it shouldn't have, considering that'd be weird, and take an aspect of the character that made him unique go away. Which is not fun for any character to have them done to them.

So when ever an artist does DRAW him like that, can we gang together and say "HEY, GOOD JOB ARTIST, FOR ACTUALLY LOOKING UP WHAT TIM LOOKS LIKE"

Presented: ANOTHER VERY GOOD TIM. See how he's shorter than his friends (Bart's leaning), has a soft 'cute' face, leaner physique (looking skinny, but not scrawny like he isn't athletic), thick middle parted hair. These are the components of a well drawn Tim that people desire to see more. It will look different based on the art style of course. But these are what makes Tim's appearance suit what we know of Tim, and has been clearly established no matter his age. Here, he is presumably around 17-years-old. Possibly not even a year younger than he currently is.

Because seeing people who see him look different, when it's the right difference, and complain, because they are not aware Tim isn't supposed to look buff and tall and masculine, just because a lot of artists didn't care about who is ultimately at this point a D-List Super Hero...isn't really fair to the people who DO CARE ABOUT IT.

Presented: Something I'm definitely gonna delete from my device soon enough, but added for the sake of the post.

If you wouldn't take away from Dick's ass, don't take away Tim's appearance, please.

We know Tim is different, and that's why we love him the way we do so much.

#Tim Drake #Robin #Bat-Family #Batman #Batfamily #Batfam #DC Comics #Dick Grayson

138 notes · View notes

ageravena · 26 days ago

Text

After deciding to change the angels' (fairies) designs for what I hope is the last time (I've redesigned them like 6 times now HELP), allow me to introduce you:

Biblically accurate (Missionaries of Eden AU) Peri

So yeah! He got a new look (though his human form still stays the same)

Since I somehow managed to make my Peri look even less like his original counterpart, allow me to explain some of my design choices:

Probably the most notable thing about all my depictions of angel Peri and gang is that they're often quite unclothed. This is due to their belief that God (yes, they exist in the AU) had given their bodies as a gift, and thus it would be disrespectful to cover it. At the same time though, since they've concentrated their aid towards humans, they understand that they can't be completely naked

The head is their soul*, which resembles a flame (flames are sometimes used symbolically to represent souls)

The large feathers on the back ("tail") are meant to resemble a peacock's tail when closed (I had originally planned the angels to have more features that resemble real life birds)

The six wings and eyes on them indicate that he's a cherubim (seraphims have eight wings and thrones don't have eyes on theirs)

I will most likely make a separate post where I go more into detail about everything I've come up with for these little critters (trust me, there's a LOT of stuff)

Instead of wands, angels have their stars floating on top of them. Peri's star is inside a bubble similar to what he has in the show

The feet are a bit of a mystery to me still. I kind of like the look of them just having those stumps (there is no deeper meaning to it)

*in this context the soul of an angel/demon is the part where they're connected physically to God in the higher dimension (it might be a bit hard to understand, so I probably need to explain it in further detail later)

I was originally supposed to show Cosmo and Wanda's redesigns aswell, but since I'm currently a bit busy with irl stuff, I wasn't able to finish the sketches for this post (they're coming later, I promise). The demons (anti-fairies) were also redesigned!

-------------------------------------------------------

May I quickly say how happy I honestly am of you. Since almost all my mutuals are elsewhere, I didn't really expect many people to come look at whatever I've posted, but it seems that I've managed to find my people anyway! So thank you all for all the likes, comments, reblogs and follows <33 I get so excited every time I get a new notification, teehee! (I read everything you have to say. Even if it's in another language)

I promise higher quality art will be coming in the future INCLUDING SHIP ART! Oh my goodness I have not drawn Peridale art in such a long time, I miss them SO MUCH!!!! GAHH I won't be able to call myself the number one Peridale blog soon bruh

Follow for more lifestock tips

#fop peri #periwinkle fairywinkle cosma #the fairly oddparents #the fairy oddparents a new wish #the fairly oddparents: missionaries of eden au #redesign

39 notes · View notes

thenightfolknetwork · 4 months ago

Note

Hello, Nightfolk Network. Me am gorilla.

Gorilla used to be in zoo. Then, one night, big white ball appear over gorilla nest. Ball make very big noise and very big light, get louder and brighter until gorilla fall asleep. When wake up, ball gone and gorilla am smart like person.

Gorilla want to live outside like person do, so run away from zoo. Have hard first month or so, but eventually gorilla find good job at dock and make enough to rent room from little old lady.

Dock job mostly good, is a lot of lift. Gorilla good at lift, and when gorilla go out for drink with work buddies, they say “attaboy, gorilla” and pat on back and gorilla feel like part of gang. Problem is, sometimes gorilla afraid world think gorilla ONLY good at lift, Nightfolk Network know what gorilla mean? Gorilla more than that. Good listener, enjoy trip to theatre… but worry people only see big gorilla arms and not big gorilla heart.

This make gorilla not sure where to go in life. Stay in dock job with money and people but keep just being big lift gorilla? Find other job? Maybe go to school, get degree?

Gorilla even consider going back to zoo, where gorilla know me have square meal every day and plenty of free time and no rent, but not know if it worth life beholden to schedule and whims of The Man. What Nightfolk Network advice?

Thank you,

Gorilla

My dear reader, it sounds as if you're at a very exciting crossroads in your life. You've made excellent progress in carving out a life for yourself after leaving the zoo, and I hope you can take a moment to be proud of how far you've come. You've found a home, a job, and have started building up a community around you. Attaboy, gorilla!

That said, I absolutely understand your frustration at the two-dimensional image your friends seem to have of you. You deserve to be loved and appreciated for all facets of your being, not only those which are most useful to other people.

I can't recommend going back to the zoo, I'm afraid. Unfortunately the benefits it offers come at far too great a cost – namely, to your autonomy and dignity. Better to make your own choices and risk the consequences than to have no choices at all.

Pursuing your education sounds like an excellent step in the right direction. Not only will it improve your chances in the job market, it will also hopefully expose you to all sorts of new ideas and perspectives on the world that you might not have had access to during your time at the zoo.

It will also put you in the way of other learners, and perhaps offer a different sort of friendship than your workmates provide. We all need all sorts of different relationships to feel supported, and the wider range of people you can socialise with, the better.

I don't think you necessarily need to jump straight in with a degree-level course, however. In fact, that might prove rather difficult. I have no doubt you are capable and intelligent enough to pursue a degree if you put your mind to it, but it will be very difficult to get a place on a course without any prior qualifications.

What's more, I'm very aware that you are only at the very earliest stage of your independence. University is a good fit for certain kinds of learners with certain kinds of interests, but it isn't the only option available to you.

You need to take a little time working out what it is you really want to do, and come up with a plan of action that suits your own needs.

I recommend reaching out to your local council to see what opportunities are available for adult learners. Many offer free courses where you can earn the equivalent of your GCSEs or A Levels, usually with flexible course times that can fit around a working person's schedule.

Just as your work friends need to learn to see you as a more rounded person, you also need to treat yourself with the same courtesy. You have so much within you that deserves to be nurtured and nourished, and are only at the start of the journey to discover what all those different needs might be.

In short, reader, I recommend throwing yourself into new experiences, pursuing whatever avenues take your interest, and opening that big gorilla heart to the world.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies #attaboy gorilla!#low-key want that on a tshirt now

46 notes · View notes

goldfades · 1 year ago

Text

✮ '𝟐𝟐 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐩, zegras' have more fun

♡ ─ summary | little flashback to when y/n posts her 2022 summer dump on instagram to update everyone on where she's going to college.

♡ ─ warnings | literally just fun, fake arguments, mention of ohio state.., literally nothing else.

♡ ─ taglist | tbd

♡ ─ ev's notes | i'm so excited for this au, i already fell with all the dynamics lmao. i'm trying something relatively new with the best friend oc's, please lmk how u feel about them!

back to navigation back to AU masterlist

ynzegras bedford, new york

Liked by trevorzegras, briesbagels, jhughes and 2,832 more

ynzegras | summer dumpie '22... also let's all take a guess on where i am going 4 uni (hint: it's red) tagged: pchandler68, briesbagels, avazegras, trevorzegras, griffinzegras august 7th, 2022

View all 234 comments

briesbagels | ohio state????

↳ ynzegras bingo!

briesbagels | gorgeous gorgeous best friend <3

↳ ynzegras ALL U BRIE, ILY

jhughes | LMAO YOU DID THEM SO DIRTY IN THE LAST SLIDE

↳ trevorzegras ha ha ha, i'll fr make u laugh your ass off with those screenshots in my camera roll

↳ jhughes sorry king, u look good man

lhughes_06 | new fav wolverine

↳ ynzegras love ya lukey pookie

↳ pchandler68 what about me bro 😢

↳ lhughes_06 sorry man, ur both my fav

↳ ynzegras it's okay lukey you can be honest.. (it's me)

_quinnhughes | growing up too fast little z 🥹

↳ trevorzegras why didn't you cry when i grow up too fast??

↳ _quinnhughes i had an aneurysm reading that and because i dont fw you like that buddy

↳ ynzegras damn... u rly gonna take that trev??

↳ trevorzegras shut up """"LITTLE Z."""" 😐😐😐

↳ _quinnhughes im jk, trev (jk)

pchandler68 photo creds????

↳ briesbagels YA TO ME?? 😑

↳ pchandler68 yeah no, to ME

↳ briesbagels it's clearly MY digital camera parker

↳ ynzegras ooo she's going by first name basis, you're in real trouble chandler 👀

↳ trevorzegras guys stop arguing

↳ briesbagels tf asked you, trevor

↳ trevorzegras 😐😶

avazegras | don't remind me 😭😭 you're leaving me!!!!!

↳ ynzegras IM SORRY, YOU HAVE A YEAR LEFT, YOU GOT THIS AVA!!!!!!!

griffinzegras | gtfo you're no longer invited back to the house after u posted that pic

↳ ynzegras be nice griff i'm leaving in 2 weeks

↳ griffinzegras yeah good, ur no longer gonna eat my leftover wings and take my shirts for gym cover-ups 😑

↳ trevorzegras SHE DOES THAT SHIT TO YOU TOO???? you have a problem y/n

↳ ynzegras bruh. im getting ganged up on

↳ briesbagels leave her alone, she's just a teenage girl!!!!!

↳ trevorzegras fucking barely, she's 17 🙄

↳ ynzegras when he literally doesn't understand numbers????? 😭😭

umichwsoccer | 👀👀

257 notes · View notes

fanfictiongirlie · 1 month ago

Text

Marvel: Let Us Teach You - Chapter Twelve

Click Here For Story Masterlist

Parings: Bucky Barnes x Reader x Steve Rogers

Description:

"Okay daddy, I trust you" I say. "What will you show me?"

"We'll start with something small, is that okay doll?" I nod to him, wanting him to know I said yes. Steve smiles at me, taking a deep breath, he swallows hard before speaking again.

"Lie back on the bed doll"

(Bucky and Steve have a daughter, and they teach her about sex)

Rating: Explicit

Words: 1,631

P.s... This fic is not for everyone, it has incest. That is not a thing everyone likes reading, so if you don't like reading stuff like that, this isn't the fic for you. I'm no condoning any of this, this isn't real life, this is fanfiction :)

In the morning I woke to both sets of eyes on me, their facing beaming happily at me.

"Good morning doll...did you sleep well?"

"Very well daddy"

"You're so cute when you're asleep baby"

"I am?"

"Yeah, you make adorable noises…you drool a little too…" Bucky grinned.

"Daddy!" I squealed and frown. Steve laughed, a smirk on his face as he spoke "It's true baby, you do"

"You're not suppose to gang up on me!" I whined. Steve chuckles and reaches up to ruffling my hair. "Oh come on baby, you know we love to tease you"

"My mean daddies"

"Oh doll, don’t look so upset…we’re just teasing, it’s all in fun…" Bucky spoke in a gentle tone.

"What if someone finds out about us daddy?" I asked, feeling worried suddenly. Both Steve and Bucky's expressions change, they looked at me seriously, instead of their fun faces.

"No one will find out doll...it has to stay between the three of us... you understand that right?" Steve asks, his tone gentle but stern.

"But what if they do?" I ask.

Steve looked at me intently, his expression serious, like he was trying to get me to understand.

"Doll, you don’t need to worry, I promise you, no one is going to find out, as long as you don’t speak about it to anyone….but you promise, right? No matter what… no one outside of the three of us finds out about this, okay?" Bucky watched silently watching the conversation intently.

"I know daddy, I won't tell anyone" I say, smiling a little.

"I know you won't baby, you're our good girl" Steve spoke, his reached forward placing his hand on my cheek, caressing me gently.

"What shall we do today?" I ask, looking up at them both. Steve thought for a moment and then spoke "How about the three of us take a day in? Lay in bed all day and watch movies?" Even Bucky perked up at the idea.

"Oh daddy, yes please"

And that's what we did, movies all day in bed, snacks here and there, snuggled up together the three of us. As we laid in bed Steve and Bucky held me close, their hands on my skin, caressing me, they both gave me soft kisses every few minutes, the movie being forgotten as their lips moved across my skin.

"Guess what doll, we forgot to tell you something" Steve spoke as his lips dragged up the skin of my neck.

"What's that daddy?" I ask, moving my lips away from Bucky's.

"Uncle Tony's throwing another party this Saturday and then on the Sunday a pool party for just us Avengers" Steve told me, I felt my eyes lighten up excited. Uncle Tony's parties were my favourite thing, and he threw them every few weeks, suppose that was a rich person thing.

"And I get to go to both?" I ask excited.

"Yeah baby, we're taking you with us" Steve smirked.

"I love Uncle Tony's parties" I whisper to myself as the credit to the movie start to roll over the screen. "What shall we watch now?"

Steve smirked and answered first "How about a horror movies?"

"Yes!" I answered, not having watching many horror movies in my lifetime.

"You sure you can handle it doll?" Bucky asks me.

"I can handle anything" I grin.

"Of course you can, you're a big girl" Steve chuckled his nose nuzzling my neck. Famous last words of course, as an hour later I was hiding my face in Bucky's shoulder, my fingers gripping his skin. "Daddy protect me" I whimpered.

"Yeah baby, you want us to protect you?" Steve asks, moving closer to me. I snuggled closer into Bucky "No, only daddy Bucky, he didn't make me watch the scary movie"

"Baby, you said you could handle it" Steve spoke. I said nothing, cuddling into Bucky.

"You really are cute when you’re scared like this doll" Steve spoke, a tone of amusement in his voice.

"He's being mean" I mumble to Bucky.

"Yeah, daddy's being mean?" Bucky replied.

"My daddy keeps me amazing from mean men" I smirked,cuddling into Bucky, giving Steve a fake mean look. Steve rolled his eyes playfully and spoke in a mock offended tone "Hey, I'm not mean baby, come on"

"What's for dinner daddy?" I ask, looking up at Bucky.

"Pizza?" Steve asks from behind me.

"No, we've been having too much pizza recently" I whined. Steve thought for a moment, and nodded, he smiled down at me, and he spoke in a gentle tone

"Yeah you’re right doll, we have been having a lot of pizza. How about Chinese food then?"

"I think I want daddy to cook us something from scratch, no take aways" I say, smiling up sweetly to Bucky.

"Sure doll, how can I say no to you" Bucky smirks, getting out of bed, he pulled on a pair of jeans and a top.

"I'll come watch!" I grin, jumping out of the bed, I grabbed a robe and wrapped it around my body.

Bucky chuckled "Yeah? My cute little sous-chef is coming to help me cook?"

I tied the little robe string around me, the robe itself didn't cover much of my body, it ended just past my butt cheeks, and it was loosely tied around my body so it didn't leave much to the imagination.

"Looking like that doll, you might be a distraction from cooking" Bucky grins his eyes looking my body up and down. I smirk at Steve and put my hand out for him to take "Come keep me from distracting daddy"

The three of us walked down into the kitchen and Bucky started pulling out ingredients from the cupboards and fridge. I hopped onto the kitchen counter and watched him. Steve stepped closer to me, stepping in between my legs, I pulled him closer by his hips and press my lips to his neck. Steve couldn't help but let out a soft moan, his fingers gripping my waist tightly. I kissed along his neck and along his jaw until I met his lips on mine, Steve groaned against my lips immediately kissing me deeper, his hands moving to be flat against my lower back, holding me tight against him. I pulled him closer, my hands moving to tenderly hold his jaw, Steve's tongue explored my mouth as I moaned softly for him. His hardness rubbed against my core through his boxers.

"Daddy" I mumble against his lips.

"Yes doll?"

"I feel too sore for sex" I whimper, still wanting to feel good. Steve smiled sweetly to me, and moved to trace his lips against the shell of my ear. His tongue traced my ear, his breath hot on my skin.

"Do you still want daddy to make you feel good baby?" He asks. I nod, my breath heavy as I felt his hands move from my back down to my thighs. His lips moved from my ear, kissing along my jaw, his teeth nipping at my skin as he went, his lips then moved lower, going down my neck, across my collarbones and then sucking into the skin of my breasts, leaving little marks. His fingers moved from my thighs and up to my robe, he undid the string without looking, letting my robe flow down my sides. I smirked as I looked over to Bucky, his eyes were on mine as he cut vegetables.

"You like the view of our girl Buck?" Steve asked, his lips on my skin as he spoke.

"She looks perfect Stevie" Bucky whispered, his eyes moving from my body to the food. Steve's lips kissed lower, tracing along my stomach, kissing my skin tenderly.

"You look so good doll" Bucky whispered. I opened my legs a little giving Steve full access to me, his lips quickly moved down from my stomach straight to my core, his tongue licking up through my folds. I whined loudly, my legs shaking a little as his tongue entered my hole.

"Such a good girl for daddy" Bucky chuckled.

I moaned loudly Steve's hands held onto my thighs tightly as his tongue dives deeper into me. He groaned against my skin, his tongue working on me hungrily. I lifted my leg to rest on the counter, giving Steve more space.

"Yes, yes yes!" I moaned, my head rolling backwards "I hope dinner isn't nearly done daddy"

"Don't worry doll, you've got time" Bucky grinned, his eyes on us.

"You taste so good baby" Steve mumbled, his lips glistening.

"Really daddy?"

"Yeah baby" Steve answered, his tongue diving into me again.

"Do I taste better than your favourite food?" I ask, giggling.

"Mmm yeah doll, you taste even better, you taste perfect baby" Steve mumbled, he moved his hand down to press a finger inside of me. I moaned loudly as I felt myself feel closer to the edge. I whimpered as his finger moved faster and hips lips sucked harder.

"Yes daddy!" I moaned loudly as I felt my release. Steve licked and kissed as I came, he moved away and watched you speaking in a low gentle tone "Good girl baby, you did so good"

"Daddy, that felt so good" I giggled, Steve smiled softly at me, we both looked to Bucky, seeing he was plating up the food. I reroped myself and hopped off the counter, we went to the dining table and enjoyed our dinner.

"Hope I didn't distract you too much daddy" I smiled, looking at Bucky.

"A little bit yeah... you were both making so much noise" Bucky smirked, his eyes looking at both me and Steve.

"Oopsie" I giggle.

"Doll you're really not sorry, are you?" Bucky spoke.

"Nope, not at all" I smirked, taking the last bite of my dinner.

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x female reader #steve rogers smut #captain america x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x female reader #smut #marvel smut

21 notes · View notes

steifel · 5 months ago

Note

HERE TO ASK YOU ABOUT UR TRANS JOHNNY AND SODA HEADCANONS 🫡

I may have gone a little over bord with these

TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, transphobia, gender dysphoria, talks of body parts. Everything is very minor but please protect your peace

Sodapop

-first off She cam out to Johnny first on accident Darry had taken Pony to the doctors so nobody was home Soda wanted to test a theory. She was dancing around the house in a mini skirt and a stuffed bra Johnny walked into the house and was like "you wanna talk about this? You don't have to"

-soda literally broke down telling Johnny everything

-poor Johnny has no idea how to comfort people but he just sat there listening and understanding

-she told Pony next they were laying in bed one night and the conversation went like this

S: hay Pone? You know how Johnny was born a girl but hes really a boy?

P: mhm

S: well sometimes i feel like i might be your sister even though ive always kind of been your brother

P: *pulling Soda into a big hug* ok

S: thats it just ok

P: um okay.... I love you?

S: love you too pony

-she told Darry next and he required a lot more information than ponyboy did.

-how long have you known

- she/her?

-who all knows

-is your name still Sodapop

-how do you feel

-do you want me to help you tell anyone

-is there anything i can do to help you?

-after Darry got all the information he needed he just hugged his sister and said "i always wanted a little sister"

-she told Steve next

-he was actually kind of excited

-after she told Steve she started living as a girl 100% of the time

-Twobit and Dally were super confused but they eventually figured it out

-Soda is a woman of extremes she is ether so eurphoric shes ontop of the world or so dysphoric that she can barely get out of bed

-her bad dysphoria days just about kill Steve

-he knows that she's the most beautiful girl in the world and it hurts him that she doesn't know that

-when she's dysphoric he always gives her one of his long shirts to wear and then holds her in bed as long as she needs just telling her shes beautiful and playing with her hair.

-when she's super euphoric you bet your ass Steve is gonna take her out and show her off (if anyone says anything bad they get jumped)

-if/when she goes on E she wears push up bras every day and that makes Steve go crazy

-if you think Soda was hot as a guy than you'll think shes a goddess as a girl

-Steve feels so lucky

-its not all fun and games though

-she gets jumped a lot

-the socs can be very vilont with her

-she tends to silently cry herself to sleep a lot

-her and Johnny get really close

-they actually trade pre transition cloths

-johnny teaches her all of the "girl" stuff he learned in childhood and she teaches him the "guy" stuff

-believe me when i tell you that Soda is a MASTER at tucking

-she wears super tight pants and skirts

-Soda is suuuuper fem

-she loves doing her hair and makeup

-this pisses pony off because she takes forever to get ready in the mornings

-the one bathroom thing starts to become a problem now that Soda takes an hour to get ready

Johnny

-was absolutely terrified to come out to the gang

- he put it off for a long time

-came out to Dall first

-and he only came out at this point because Dally could tell something was bothering his little buddy

"So you gonna tell me whats wrong or am i gonna have to guess?"

-dall was genuinely so mad. Not because he's trans but because Johnny had the gaul to ask if Dally hated him now

-when he told Pony he had a shit ton of questions

-this is mostly the reason Pony didn't have a lot of questions when Soda came out

-johnny is one of those lucky bastards that naturally looks masculine so he passes almost immediately

-he never gets out of his baggy clothes and flanels phase (me projecting)

-every single member of the gang makes him take his binder off after 8 hours

"Comon Dall just a little while longer? Please"

"Jonnycakes we can do this the easy way or the hard way now it dont matter to me but i gotta fealing you're not gonna like the hard way"

-eventually Johnny starts to feel more comfortable around the gang without it

-if he's in public though he doesn't give a fuck what dallys "hard way" is he will be wearing that binder

-while Soda usually experiences her transness through euphoria Johnny usually experiences his through disphoria

Another TW for SH and Suicidal thoughts ill let you know when it ends

-he has a tendency towards SH

-one time dally found him attempting to give himself top surgery and he had actually gotten pretty far

-Dally was horrified he's no stranger to blood and violence but it was really bad

-Johnnys gotten a lot better but there was one point where they hid all the knives and did there best to have somebody with him at all times

-Darry has had to grab his hands and hold him super tight before

-Dally had a really hard time sleeping during this time he made Johnny stay with him and he just watches Johnny sleep.

-Dally was just terrified he was gonna lose Johnny over something as stupid as how the world sees him

Major TW over

-on major dysphoria days he really just wants to be left alone.

-he mainly just sleeps on those days

-the whole gang tries to help but sometimes you just have to feel your feels you know

-he cries because of it sometimes and that just makes the dysphoria worse which makes him cry more (me too me too)

-Johnny absolutely loves it when the boys roughhouse with him cause it makes him feel like they really see him as a guy

Ok i feel like if i keep talking about Johnny im ether gonna start crying or just spill every bit of information about my transness. anyway i hope you enjoyed

#the outsiders #ponyboy curtis #dallas winston #johnny cade #dally winston #sodapop curtis #s.e. hinton #darry curtis #the outsiders musical #that was then this is now #trans masc #trans femme #trans #transgender #trans johnny cade #trans sodapop

30 notes · View notes

tossball-stick · 3 months ago

Note

heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang.

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive.

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child.

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family.

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man.

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him.

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you.

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe.

he can shape up and be good, he just never does.

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack.

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal.

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences.

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)."

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from

#john marston #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr #rdr2 #rdr1 #red dead redemption analysis #rdr2 analysis #red string on the corkboard #if anything ive written is insensitive towards arospec people lmk and ill fix it ^-^

21 notes · View notes

falling-star-cygnus · 4 months ago

Note

Hey there! I’m the anon who gave that one story idea of Billy pushing someone out of the way so they wouldn’t get hurt. I usually feel nervous about actually asking things with my actual account showing, but I decided screw it, and came to say hi!

I’m also coming in just to bring up something I found out recently related to Billy! Pretty much, ZZZ had done a community post about Caesar King, the leader of the Sons of Calydon faction. First off, I think she’s cool as hell, and second, it practically confirmed that Billy used to be a part of the gang! There’s a whole page with quotes from other members and in one of them, Billy is referring to Caesar as ‘Big Sis’ and OH MY GOD MY HEART- I swear to god if he doesn’t get to have a really nice reunion with her and the gang-

I officially have a bunch more headcanons now, including the idea that Billy first wanted to protect others because of Caesar, and that she was a person he often went to for comfort or confided in. I’m already loving the potential found family/sibling dynamic those two have and the idea of them interacting in the future already makes me happy :)

I hope this isn’t too long or something! I’m not exactly confident about this kinda stuff, haha

well hi and hello to you too, hon! it's nice to have a name to the amazing ask :D -> i get nervous too, so i totally understand <3

the Sons of Calydon reveals really are sick as hell, though, and I'm super excited to see Billy's interactions with them. i like to hc him as the Cunning Hares' big brother, so it'd be interesting to see him go from that to Caesar's little brother, you know? -> i really hope that she's kinda silly like he is too, you know? obviously in a more mature, leader of a biker gang, time and place kinda way. but silly too! like this:

Billy: Big Sis!! This is Nicole.. uhh.. and this is Anby! *Caesar nods appraisingly, and then bursts into stone-faced tears* Billy, flinching: Wh- huh?? What's wrong!? Caesar, staring him down: Who said you were allowed to go and grow up, huh? How could you do this to me Billy, holding his hands up in faux surrender: I don't- understand?? I thought you'd be excited to meet my new team.. Caesar, grabbing at his face: I am! Let me mourn my little brother, damnit! If you were squishy I'd be pinching your cheeks!

#watch her canon personality come out and make this post totally stupid #man 😭#well it's fun until then right?#adhd android silly billy real #zzz #zzzero #zenless zone zero #zzz billy #billy zzz #billy kid #caesar king #sons of calydon #cunning hares #anby demara #nicole demara

39 notes · View notes

office-anomaly · 5 months ago

Note

What are some of your favorite dynamics between characters?

this will be a long answer, because the gang's group dynamics is one of my favorite things to talk about. please bear with me haha (before anything: these views are purely my own. i know others have differing ideas for character/ship dynamics, and whatever i put here does not intend to challenge or demean any preference different from mine 🥺 our opinions can exist together lol) READ UNDER THE CUT

fred and velma: they are my gold standard for friendship. i think this dynamic is severely underrated as they are not only hilarious together, but they complement each other so well in terms of affirming each other's passion for mystery-solving, all the while keeping each other in check in case things get crazy. they strike me as the ideal friendship where the bond is meaningful, grounded and platonically intimate. one of the reasons why i like BCSD so much is that it showed just how well fred and velma work together in a way we haven't really seen in previous shows. ftr i think this is my favorite sub-group of the gang. velma and daphne (vaphne): i really like this ship, although i rank it behind varcie (i don't think i'll talk about varcie here since this might end up several pages long lol). this ship has been around forever, and i do think that it has a very good reason to exist mainly because of how the girls are such a positive presence in each other's lives. we've seen how daph has tried to get velma to come out of her shell on many occasions, and has shown that she understands her in a way that the boys will never do. meanwhile, velma acts as an anchor for daphne, keeping her on track when she gets overly excited or kooky during cases. i've always loved how different they are in all aspects, yet are able to foster a mutually beneficial relationship with each other. fred and daphne (fraphne): i know this is a basic ship, but i like how this has evolved over time, across many scooby media. SDMI really did this ship so much service by adding the much needed depth and justification why their dynamic works as well as it should. fred added a sense of adventure to daphne's otherwise sheltered life, and daphne has a good understanding of how to navigate fred's personality and quirks (much like how she is with velma). the show allowed these characters to play off each other and show us how they each deal with relationships that took a backseat in favor of mystery-solving in earlier iterations. daphne and shaggy (and scooby): ok these guys are FUN. like so much fun. i like that this was the group configuration for 13 ghosts, as i think their personalities lent so much entertainment to the idea of dealing with real supernatural phenomena (side note, but i like how the lego beach bash movie basically confirmed that they were the fun members of the gang lol). while i personally do not see shaggy and daphne as romantic partners, i totally understand why some people ship them and that's perfectly fine. velma and scooby: a girl and her canine best friend. whenever i draw velma and scooby in one picture, i make sure to show that they are the best of besties as much as i can. i am not subtle with my agenda to undo the optics damage SDMI did to these two lol

thanks for reading til the end, i know it's long. let me know if you have comments, violent reactions or anything, i'd be happy to discuss 😊

#ask

23 notes · View notes

your-ne1ghbor · 2 months ago

Note

I don't know if you take drawing requests or not (seriously, I forgot, lol.) But I kind of want to see how your Starboy would interact with WG!Star.

Like would he be excited or scared cause WG!Star can get wild when he meets other Starboys. He'd be zipping around all over the place, I'm not sure if yours can handle it. 😅

P.S my Star is a hugger, so take that however you want. 😆

(I do take requests, I love drawing/answering your guy's questions even if it takes forever 💀)

AND ONG RASCAL I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS-

This took me a while to think about/draw since I saw them having a similar relationship to TKORAT Star with Orion, but still different enough from that. SOOO after long while of deep thinking, I figured out on how I would see them interact :3

So when they first meet, well, WG! Star ofc would get excited and start zipping around a lot to his potentially new friend. TKORAT Star starts asking a bunch of questions, starts pacing and moving around a lot, and starts talking so fast that you have no idea what the hell he is saying. Like buddy slow down 😭

Ofc besides that, I would see them relate on some personal levels with each other. First of all, on the lonely factor of their lives and confronting Magnus/Magnifico.

I thought that they would relate on the loneliness part of their lives in a way. From what I know about WG! Stars, is that they are basically like nomads, floating in the vast void of space and time. Ofc they would meet other stars, but it really looks more like a co-worker relationship than a long term friendship from my pov. I mean, what is the chance the star you just met is someone you will see again? Honestly kind of depressing. Poor guy 😢

For TKORAT! Star, (though I'm still figuring out the overall culture and lore of the stars) I also viewed it pretty much the same (though it could change after I figure out the star lore lmao). I mean sure, the other stars kinda treat Star Boy like their little sibling (i mean he technically is), but they aren't around enough to where someone could consider a friend. It is more like Teacher to Student type of situation.

Next it is confronting Magnus/Magnifico. Ngl, reading Chapter 7 and 8 was legit insane, hands up to Rascal 🙌

Although how I see TKORAT Star confronting Magnus being VASTLY different from what WG Star went though, the outcome is somewhat the same. Both through their rage later realize that they can't defeat Magnus/Magnifico. Even with their somewhat devine power that have (ie. Able to shapeshift, create objects out of thin air), it isn't enough to defeat him. They both basically got humbled by a guy who probably eats hair gel for breakfeast (aint no way he got his hair like that without proper hair treatment)💀🙏

Needless to say, they both can relate to that sort of pain they felt in those moments (I doodled them in their cosmic forms, though it is techically TKORAT Star's true form and it is also a draft)

Ok enough agnst 🙄, this duo would cause havok on Rosas.

Between them, there would be explosions....lots of explosions. And probably turning breads into talking cake creatures that beg you not to eat them. HORRIFYING...

Honestly imagine a whole group of pranksters showing up at your door (looking at the star boy gang for this). You're a goner man.

Cant draw WG! Star without hugging someone, am I right?

(And yes, my star boy doesn't know what a hug is. Like he has seen it, since he has seen mortals do that, he just doesn't understand why or know what it is called. Plus it is so infrequent of mortals doing that, which basically makes him forget hugging is a thing lol SUCH A UNCULTERED SWINE(srry couldnt resist lol) )

Anyways thanks for the ask Rascal! Again, sorry if it took so long, I was busy with school and also thinking deeply on their interactions with each other 🐀🐀

. . . . .. .

Shimmy shimmy yay shimmy yay shimmy ahhhhh

drank

falalala

drank

falalala

@signed-sapphire @oh-shtars @chillwildwave @rascalentertainments

@spectator-zee @tumblingdownthefoxden @dangerousflowerpanda

(sorry for tagging you guys again, just entering the silly hour (its 12 am by the time I wrote this))

13 notes · View notes

tonberry-yoda · 2 years ago

Text

Promise - Bruno Bucciarati

notes - i kid yall not, i literally have a 200 pg document full of old fanfic from like 2 years ago, and this piece was in there! well, not this piece, but something like this. I wanted to get inspo and loved this too much not to share!!! I did a lot of edits and fixed it to make it more my style and I really love it. this writing was for a recent poll i did!! i love bruno so much and was really happy to write this!!! requests open april 1 btw and i am so excited to see all of your ideas <3333

word count - 533

Bruno laid his hands out in front of you on the table face down. He finally let you convince him to let you paint his nails and you were smiling like an idiot picking some of your favorite colors that would suit Bruno really well.

"How long is this going to take?" He asked, trying to act annoyed, but failing as he was smiling just as much as you.

"Not long, Bruno. Not like you have anywhere to be."

"I am a capo." He said, trying to sound all big and tough.

"Nice try, Bucciarati, but isn't your so called, 'gang' out shopping for clothes right now and getting froyo?"

"Shut up," he giggled, watching you paint his nails delicately. You were always so gentle with him and that somehow made him love you so much more than he already did.

"Cara?"

"Hm?" You didn't look up and just kept painting his nails, your full focus on him at the moment.

"I promise to love you until the day I die. Even after that, I will never stop loving you." He whispered in your ear in Italian, sending a shiver down your spine.

You blushed and messed up on his pinky finger a bit, immediately going back to fix it and muttering an apology.

"It's alright, love." He told you, watching you fumble around for a moment. He grabbed your wrist gently and softly chuckled.

"Are you alright, cara?"

"I'm fine." You paused and looked into Bruno's dark blue eyes. "You just... don't know that, that's all."

"Oh, see, but I do." He told you with full confidence.

You pulled your eyes away from his and focused on his bangs instead, pushing them out of his eyes. "You need to get a haircut." You told him.

"You're changing the subject, love."

"Well," you twiddled your thumbs and looked down at your hands. "You might change your mind one day."

"What makes you say that?"

"You just don't want to make a stupid promise only for it to-"

"I don't think it's a stupid promise."

You looked up at him and his eyes were a bit confused, but still full of so much love.

"I'm just saying," you finished painting his nails and blew on them before checking if they were fully dry. "It might be a bad idea."

"Why would it be a bad idea?"

"Bruno, what if you don't love me forever?! What if you fall out of love with me... What if... I'm not enough for you?"

"Love that will never happen." He grabbed both of your hands and kissed your knuckles. "I love you with my entire being, I don't even think you understand. When I made that promise to you, I wasn't kidding,” he cupped your face, the golden sun pouring onto your bright eyes. “Do I make that clear?”

You nodded with a bright smile, tears forming in your eyes, but not from being upset. "Bruno, I love you more than the moon needs the sun, and I will forever love you, even after death."

Bruno smiled at you and brought his lips to yours, no one but the sheer white curtains and the sun there to watch.

~~~~~

jjba masterlist (2) (3) | pinned post

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated <3

~~~~~

#i hope you all enjoy <33333 #jjba #fanfic #writing #my writing #<3 #fanfiction #jojos bizarre adventure #jjba x reader #jojos bizarre adventure x reader #bruno #bruno x reader #bruno bucciarati #bruno buccellati #bruno bucciarati x reader #bruno bucellati x reader #jjba part 5 #vento aureo #vento auero x reader

167 notes · View notes

pebblysand · 10 months ago

Text

hello! you may find the entire playlist on spotify here. below is some more information on my song choices for part one.

Castle by Eminem: if you have finished the fic, you will understand. if you haven't, i don't want to spoil you :).

Things We Lost In The Fire by Bastille: it's funny, i'm a massive bastille fan but it didn't really hit me how castles that song is until i went to see them live last summer. i remember being in the crowd and thinking to myself: god this is so on point. i think the lyric that gets me most is: the future's in our hands and we will never be the same again. there's such a dichotomy to that and it's so representative of what is happening in this chapter, which is harry and the trio sort of reconning with the concept of time and the post-war state of things and: now what? the excitement of: we survived and the future's in our hands, but also we'll never be the same again because we lost all these things (people) in the fire (war). i just find it very apt.

O Children by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: firstly, i love that song, i thing it's beautiful and it just nails that post-war tone of the early chapters. the cleaners are coming one by one, they measure the room, they know the score, etc. secondly, this is obviously the harry& hermione song, which is a massive vibe and plot point of this chapter. i will defend the dance to my dying day, i think it's one of the most beautiful scenes in the whole film and those who don't like it because of the harmony vibes are wrong. that's it 😅.

UNHEALTHY by Anne-Marie: this is a more recent addition, but doesn't this song kind of have early harry/ginny vibes? i'll let you listen and be the judge.

Wonderwall by Oasis: harry mentions oasis in this chapter, so of course i had to add this. i have listened to this song so much in the past 20 years, i can't even tell if i like it or not. anyway, here's wonderwall 😅.

Pompeii by Bastille: ah. the infamous break down of everything. as i've already said, absolutely love bastille, and this one is a classic.

Shadow Preachers by Zella Day: i added this one more recently but i feel like it also had very strong early harry/ginny vibes. i also like that it sounds a bit similar-ish to pompeii in that sort of break down of everything vibe. there's a sort of desperation to that song that i feel really fits well.

Place de la République by Coeur de Pirate: firstly, if you think of coeur de pirate as comme des enfants and don't know anything else from her, i am begging you to open to your heart to her other songs/albums, she's incredible. secondly, i've always loved this song. it so well captures this sort of regretful break up situation where she is breaking up with someone because of distance and giving them one last chance to show up and they don't. i feel like it's very much a ginny song in chapter 3, this way she doesn't really want to break up with harry but has to. it's just 😫.

Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi: i've gone back and forth a lot on this song, whether to include it or not. it's almost Too Much. but, also, harry is a bit Too Much in this, so it just fits.

Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths: this is... very literal, i don't think i need to explain. i will say, for a very long time, i didn't know where the french bits were from. it sounded like some sort of documentary about suicide, which i thought was odd, but it's actually a reading of the myth of sisyphus by albert camus. i've never read it because i've only ever read camus's fiction, but he is one of my favourite french authors, so i was happy to find that out. it works with the song incredibly well, obviously.

Hell or Highwater by Passenger: we're back with the break up songs. i love this one because it very much is about the confusion and the not knowing what caused the break up, which i think is very fitting for harry, here. i also just love the writing in this song, the way he uses the "hell or highwater" saying in a different way - it's a song i very much love, even outside of castles.

Six Degrees of Separation by The Script: idk, this song has such strong 2000s vibes, and it's so break-up-y dramatic - it just fits, you know? 😅.

Giants by Dermot Kennedy: this playlist supports irish artists! ✊🏻 jokes aside, i kind of see this song as having a bit of a double-meaning here. like, of course, it's hinny break up song and plays - again - to that lack of understanding (we used to be giants, when did we stop?) but i also see it as reflective of harry's broader state of mind. it's this post-war confusion of: we used to do these great, important things, and what is our purpose, now? obviously, this first arc is very much about finding a reason to live after the war, so i feel like this song works for both plotlines.

As It Was by Harry Styles: i'm not a massive harry styles fan so the first time i ever heard this song was when he was on tour and the 'LEAVE AMERICA' trend was all over tiktok. and, i don't know, the moment i heard the song as a whole i was like, 'fuck, this is such a castles song!' especially of that early, post-war, confused era of: 'harry what are you doing sitting at home on the floor, what kind of pills are you on?' it just had to be in this playlist.

Fear of Fear by Passenger: this song is just a mood. i feel like it could play over a montage of the weeks passing in chapter four, and harry just going to work, trying to sleep, and going running in the night.

Le vent nous portera by Noir Désir: there's two reasons why this song is here. firstly, i feel like it signifies healing and the passage of time, which works very well with this chapter. it's a gorgeous song and has this idea of the wind just blowing the hardships away, an "it'll be alright" motto that i love. but also, what my international audience might not know is that this song is highly controversial - bertrand cantat, the lead singer of the band, beat his girlfriend - french actress marie trintignant - to death in 2003. he was arrested, went to jail - if you are french, just know that i'm not going to get into the Debate of whether he should still played/be listened to, etc. we all have our opinions and whichever way you're leaning i'm not going to change yours but i just wanted to note that i wouldn't have put this song in the playlist for any other chapter. but with the added theme of DV in the case giulia and harry work on here, i felt it was fitting.

Brave by Sara Bareilles: this is obviously giulia's pep-talk song haha! harry, get out of your rut, and be brave. i love it.

You're Not Special, Babe by Orla Gartland: i love this song. and, again, it's very giulia. i feel like both of these last songs for this chapter have this vibe of her telling harry to just get off his arse and do something, which is what he needed at that point. quit moping around, quit blaming yourself, you're not that special. it's really the kick off, onto chapter five.

Insomnia by Ren: ah, ren. if you've been following the playlist for a while, you will have noticed that i had a major ren moment between the end of 2023 and the start of 2024 and added, like, fifteen millions of his songs to the playlist. i feel like castles generally has such a ren "vibe" to it, which is wild because i didn't find him until well into writing the story. this song has this incredible line: i used to use drinking as a way to stop thinking and my problems with drinking made me feel like i was sinking, so i dried up my drinking and then i couldn't sleep a wink, and now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking about nothing. fucking nothing. and everything and nothing - i hate not sleeping. this is so on point for this chapter, which has harry's insomnia stalking those post-war months, and i absolutely love it.

The Last Unicorn by Passenger: ah, the first mia song 😫. my child. this is so scarily on point.

J'écoute du Miles Davis by Navii: this is really one of the core, OG castles songs as far as i'm concerned. i remember listening to it on loop very early on, writing the early chapters. i love the chorus of 'Et le temps passe' (and time passes) - it's this factual statement that i feel is very castles. "Time just - passes."

The Way I Am by Eminem: i was so mad to find out i couldn't use this song in text because it came out in 2001. obviously, very related to the press, fame, etc. which are topical for this chapter.

Dominoes by Ren: i added this one fairly recently. it's one of those songs that isn't precisely topical to the chapter itself, but i really liked the riff of "we fall like dominoes, dominoes, falling". it echoes that thing harry says about how he's afraid to fold because if the "leader" falls, then everyone comes cascading down. i felt like there's an interconnection in that song that resonates, here. and also, i think the thing about public perception and body shaming is also somewhat related to the treatment of girls in harry's life in the press.

Read All About It, Part III by Emili Sandé: i thought most people would already know this song because it was featured so prominently in the 2012 London Olympics, but i suppose it still didn't make it to america, 'cause i've had quite a few comments from people saying the playlist was the first time they'd heard it. anyway, it's obviously about harry using his voice and finally talking to the press, and it's amazing :).

Babylon by Barns Courtney: the vibes of this song feel like the fall of a civilisation and "the walls are caving in, you're paying for your sins" and... yeah. idk, i see this as the theme song to the whole battle scene at the lace mill.

What He Wrote by Laura Marling: this was always Giulia's "song" in my head, i'm not even sure why. it's got nothing to do with her but just based on vibes. i listened to this on loop writing her death. and, also, the connection with Peaky Blinders, which heavily inspired the first act of castles.

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens: this is just... a beautiful song about death lol. how cheerful 😅.

All My Tears by Ane Brun: and... another one, lol. also, another connection to PB.

Jimmy by Moriarty: i only have two songs for this chapter, probably because it used to be paired with chapter six so i initially didn't think of it as an independent item. anyway, this is one of my favourite songs in the world, and it's recently come to my attention that it fit quite well in here, with this idea of "coming home" (to the burrow, in harry's case. i feel like it works well with the general mood of the chapter.

CORALINE by Måneskin: ah. coraline, coraline, di me la tua verita... this is the beginning of harry, and ginny, and the letters, really.

Zombie by The Cranberries: canonically, Mia is a fan and while two cranberries songs are mentioned in this chapter, i always felt like this one fit better. first, because it's about a civil war that, in many ways, resembled the wizarding war. second, because i've always sort of thought as amycus as a bit of a zombie. like, he's dead but he still plagues ginny (and later harry) with the things he's done and their ramifications.

Rather Die by Barns Courtney: obviously, i'm a massive fan of barns courtney and i've always felt this song is very ginny during the war. basically, 'i'd rather die than give in.'

Repeat After Me by KONGOS: this song is obviously about the absolutist christian faith and someone trying to escape it, but i think there's something so rhythmic about it. in my head, i could see it playing over a montage of the DA pulling off stunts, getting attacked, getting back up again, fighting again, losing again, etc. there's also the 'repeat after me' of indoctrination that could very much apply to the ministry's propaganda. i remember listening to this song so much as i was writing this chapter, just to remind myself of the relentless sort of pacing i wanted to achieve.

Dopamine by Barns Courtney: okay so. this is the song of this chapter. i know it feels like it's not really about this chapter (it's clearly about drug addiction) but you cannot possibly imagine the number of times i listened to it as i was writing. i don't know. i love everything about it. the loud rock and instrumentals, the production, the lyrics. if we end it all, at least you're by my side. we could never die. and this: it's always the same. see the drink couldn't wash out the taste of your name. i literally think it's one of my favourite songs ever, and one of my favourite sentences ever written. i think in my head it's a bit about ginny sinking, about amycus, about harry. about everything. i would say dopamine is probably one of the most important songs in this playlist. i am so attached to it.

Thirteen Thirtyfive by Dillon: and... the last song. i will say this: i have since learnt that this song is about a woman who has lost a child (either through miscarriage, abortion or death after birth, it's not clear) and is reminiscing about what her life could have been. that is... not how i initially interpreted it. you may listen and come to your own conclusions. if you interpret it like the above, maybe it fits with pansy's story. if you don't... well. you'd be thirteen, i'd be thirty-five, gone to find a place for us to hide. be together but alone, as the need for it has grown. make of that what you will.

#castles

26 notes · View notes